#Twitch's appearance will be described later. I don't want to describe her right now.

[luveline]

Could I request reader convincing bodyguard!james to take a break with her like they just get tea and he’s able to relax around her

thank you for your request! i think this is like they both know they're basically dating but james doesn't wanna admit to it because he feels like it goes against his job? that's not the focus of this tho♡ fem!reader

James is rarely surprised by you. You suppose he must know every movement you might make, every cadence to your voice. He can probably tell what mood you're in from the slightest shift forward onto one foot.

Which is why he's so stoick when you stop in front of him in the foyer and take his face into both hands.

He nods at your current bodyguard as they 'pass the anchor', the anchor being you.

"Jamie," you greet softly, rubbing your thumb over one of his cheeks and waiting for a sign that he's happy to be touched before you continue. Sure enough, his eyelashes twitch just so, and you beam and stand on tiptoes to kiss the place where his ear and jaw connect.

"Come on, sweetheart. You know I'm working."

"You don't look very busy."

"Do I ever?"

What he means to say is, I don't really want the rest of your security detail to see you kissing me.

"My dad's not here," you say.

"I know."

"Of course you do. Wanna go eat biscuits in my room?"

He laughs in disbelief at your asking. "I'm- I'm really working right now."

"I know... thought maybe you could make somebody else do whatever it is you're doing, though. Please?" You haven't seen him in a day and a half. It feels like a really long time, and you'd missed him like crazy.

"You mean gaurding you?"

"Exactly!"

He stares at you. You stare right back, a leveling gaze.

James doesn't acknowledge you any further as he reaches for his radio. He clicks it on and says a bunch of nonsense words down the line, waiting with it near his mouth until somebody answers. Then he drops it back to where it's clipped against his shoulder and waits.

"Well?" he asks. "Are we going?"

You beam. "Yes!" you say excitedly, fingertips gracing the curve of a big, thick curl toward the nape of his neck as you pull back.

Even on his off times James still looks as though he's escorting you places. He walks a pace behind you, footsteps neat and sound to your clumsy mismatch. Though, quite unlike when he's on duty, his hand eventually catches at the back of your shirt, and slides up your spine as you approach your bedroom.

Bedroom is a silly word to describe it. It's more like you've your own apartment within your house. There's a cushy living room, a huge bedroom with soft pillows and silk sheets, and an ensuite that boasts a full body waterfall shower. James used to tease about it being a two body shower, but now that things are a little more serious between the two of you he holds his tongue.

"Think in here'll be just fine," James says, stopping near your sofa.

You pout because you'd really hoped to entice him into bed with you. Not for anything major, but sometimes if you're persuasive enough James will relax enough for some under the covers hugging.

"Fine fine fine," you say, spinning back toward him. Your tights are slippery over hardwood and you almost trip.

Once James is firmly situated between two huge cushions, you meander back to your door and ask your new bodyguard (who's frowning, likely annoyed to be put on duty when it's supposed to be James) stationed down the hall if he'll find your attendant, and when he appears a few seconds later you order some tea and biscuits.

Before long you've two mugs of tea and all the biscuits you could ask for on a tray in front of you, kneeling beside James where he's slouched expectantly.

He sips his tea. "Why are you looking at me?" he asks.

"Are you gonna make me beg?"

"I quite like when you beg," he says, taking another sip.

You pick a loose thread off of his short-sleeved polo. You don't want to say please. You don't want James to kiss you at all if it's not what he wants to do.

He sets down his mug and leans back in his seat. You wait. He opens his palms and flexes his fingers forward, the universal sign for 'come here'.

Despite all his reluctance in front of other people, his hands tell a very different story. He grabs your back, arms crossing over themselves as he pulls you right up against his chest and tips his head back. You're still laughing at his ever-surprising strength when he kisses you, giggles muffled by his lips.

You're so happy you squirm, hands coming up to hold his face as you had down in the foyer.

"I missed you," you say between kisses, and mean it.

"It was barely a whole day."

"It was more than a whole day," you say, though any further argument gets lost in kisses. He's warm, he's soft. He tastes like tea and he smells like almond oil, curls sleek and sweet between your fingers as you push your hands into his hair.

You don't kiss him for very long. You're too anxious to talk to him, and be close to him. You force your head over his shoulder and breathe, nose tickled by curls.

"I missed you," you say again, desperate for a return.

"I missed you too."

You shift in his lap. "Really?"

"Of course I did." His hands still at the small of your back. "You know how I feel about you."

You push your lips into his hair and sigh. "I know." That's kind of the problem. He likes you. Enough to kiss you and praise you and spend near every waking second of his trying to make you laugh so he can hear the sound.

For a while, it's just you and James. You toy with his hair, picking apart curls and scratching lightly at his scalp. His breath warms the slops of your shoulder, his hands stroke the length of your back. It doesn't take long before you've both turned to jelly.

"Wanna Lady and the Tramp a shortbread?" James asks eventually.

"No."

"You sure? I promise to keep my crumbs to myself."

You don't believe him. "Yeah, okay."

[tricksterfiction]

Day 9 - Lend an Ear

Time again I find replacements, but they still feel like you

Dolyea Dahkra thrusted the spear head at a dummy, one and two. Three and slash, one and two. Thrust, thrust, thrust, slash. Red eyes focused on mechanically

"I'm feeling slighted, Dolly." Her childhood friend sat on the wood fence, blabbing about her day. Wildly swinging from the gossip generated by career-conjurers, gnarly injuries, and how exhausting it was to keep up with hearing about the workload much less being the one to do it. Dolyea had been training with the lancers in Gridania, following in her older siblings steps. She was completing her reps while Sen Urabe squeezed in a visit while she trained.

"How- so!" Dolyea slashed.

"Well it's Qaor'a again, that - just a step down from me in skill, on paper, catte boy." Sen began, she rolled her wrist to the sky as if the answer to her problems with her rival were to delivered from the Elementals. "Oral presentations he last minute directly referenced my material in a firm rebuttal-"

Dolyea was tuning out, Sen wasn't shy to provide context but gods academia beef sounded dull.

"Uh huh." She said after the long explanation.

"I decided I'm going to seduce his mom."

Dolyea's ear twitched, both scooping at Sen. "Wait, back up. I wasn't listening."

"Do you know her?" Sen carried on, folding her legs up to rest her chin on them. How she was balancing on it was a miracle - her scaly tail was swishing left and right doing the work.

Dolyea's face scrunched up then she laughed, the butt of her lance thumping into the ground, "Are you asking if Keepers all know each other-"

"No, shut up! He said he grew up in the north-ish east-ish end of the Shroud. Near where you used to live."

Sen beckoned her closer, Dolyea leaned in, "Lend me your ear, my friend. Picture it, best case is I blow her fucking mind and I can hold it over his head for the rest of our days. Worst? She just spurs my advances."

"What makes you so confident I know her?" Dolyea was rightfully skeptical, squinting crimson at her.

"You have a mind for faces - let me describe Qaor'a and you'll know, Dolly." Sen went on to describe his features, hair, eye colour - a very biased and unhelpful disposition description. Dolyea's face went from coolly skeptical to dropping with realization.

The Keeper groaned running her hand over her face. "Son of Menphina," She swore, "I do remember his family."

"You do!" Sen jumped down from the fence, slowing pumping her fist.

"Now hold on, I don't want to be implicated in this bizarre pissing contest and the reason I remember her," Dolyea cautioned, "Is because she is an asshole. Qaor'a wasn't supposed to be a conjurer, but no right minded matriarch scoffs at a healer in the family."

Sen made a face, "Ew, mommy issues."

Dolyea smooshed her face with both hands, "You have mommy issues!"

"What are you talking about, I have a great relationship with my Mama."

Dolyea rolled her eyes, squishing her cheeks her sarcasm biting as ever, "Yeah because your relationship is so great and healthy, you totally don't feel like shit every time your mom makes a face or comments about your appearance."

"We're not talking about my mommy issues!" Sen flapped her hands away. "Will you help me?"

"Gods, okay. Yes - you owe me some good moko grass."

"Deal."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A fortnight later...

Sen was shot down faster than a wounded animal bleeding out in a trap.

[autisticlalna]

GHOST IN A SONG - a vikingpilot fanmix

[ listen on Spotify! ]

TRACKLIST:

skye rocket, jenny - Sad Machine // tokyo machine - JOURNEY // nitro fun - Soldiers // fox stevenson - Don't Care Crown // draper - Who Are You // eve - Outsider // grabbitz - King / Ghost In A Song // the mountain goats - Rain in Soho // thefatrat, laura brehm - MAYDAY // mikky ekko - Who Are You, Really? // enter shikari - THE GREAT UNKNOWN // the stupendium, cami-cat - Slide Into the Void // enter shikari, wargasm (uk) - The Void Stares Back // bring me the horizon - MANTRA // shinedown - DARKSIDE

(i tried to keep it family-friendly but both mantra and darkside have instances of swearing, sorry 'bout that)

reasoning behind songs under the readmore!

the general concept of this was that it starts off upbeat and positive and then gets steadily more concerning and darker to reflect the progression of viking from being a "friendly casper" (as legundo describes him) to, well. the scene with legundo and taneesha in the ghost's vault. there is something wrong with him (affectionate)

sad machine: solar asked viking on stream what songs he associates with his character and i'm half-paying attention while poking at an early wip of this when suddenly i hear "is anyone there? oh, hi!" and that knocked me right over. unfortunately this version doesn't have that intro but i love skye rocket and this is a more upbeat, enthusiastic version that i think works as a good intro to this

journey: fun adventure-y vibes! i think this was the last song i added and there's not really much behind it besides it having a fun vibe and, y'know, viking's been wandering and exploring up until everyone else settled in dominion

soldiers: the ENTIRE REASON for this is because viking's twitch sub notif kept reminding me of this song because it has the exact same sample

don't care crown: "and well i spent so much time with the don't care crown that i don't care how it's been weighing me down and i can't be open in my heart now i'm feeling nothing at all! i ain't lettin my spirits down 'cause ain't matter that much i've found, i'm the dude with the don't care crown and i'm not gonna be taken DOOOO~OOOOOWN"

who are you: "i'm just shooting in the dark but i'm gonna tell her that i know from the start feels like forever [..] and all i want to know is, ' who are you?'" (also a fun mirror to a song later in the playlist)

outsider: this is 1/2 because of "viking stops mid-mining session to start playing a bunch of anime songs on stream" but also. "the demon within my heart undoubtedly will not forgive me [..] so that it doesn't end up being a barren wasteland i hid that name and appeared here"

king / ghost in a song: "days and days of restless worry, will i ever change a thing? leave my mark on endless stories, i just want to go out like a king [..] 'cuz i lost my soul in a frequency no one can speak to me i am a noise"

rain in soho: "no promise sweeter than blood pact, nothing harder to go through with than a vanishing act" (suggested by fluffy!! i need to listen to more tmg)

mayday: "and it's been so long been so long been since i've seen a face"

who are you, really?: "so you feel entitled to a sense of control and you make decisions that you think are your own, you are a stranger here, why have you come? [..] who are you really?" (also a fun mirror to "who are you" >:D)

the great unknown: "is there anyone out there? send me a sign! is there anyone out there? i shout into the great unknown" (suggested by solar i think)

slide into the void: "if you can't place the pin where patterns end and you begin, follow the director, else you're gonna slide into the void, but if the world you knew has cracked and fallen through, go to the projector, load another slide into the void" (and also, like, all the spooky hiss chant sections) (suggested by aquelon!!)

the void stares back: "i can see out over space and time and i'm moving at the speed of light 'cause i've been waiting for when the moment's right to tell you oh, did i mention, i'm from another dimension?" (i am very biased because i love enter shikari and this song came out right as i got into dominion so there is a permanent association now)

mantra: "and i know this doesn't make a lot of sense, but do you really wanna think about yourself now? all i'm asking for's a little bit of faith, it's so easy to believe [..] before the truth will set you free, it'll p--- you off! before you find a place to be you're gonna lose the plot!" (this song nearly didn't make the cut but also. unhinged viking moments.)

darkside: "don't be so quick to judge, raise havoc from above, i think i've had enough, time to raise the dead! it's all subliminal, supernatural, i might be mental, but i've still got my cred!"

[yourstarvic]

You were waiting in the lobby of the stadium, arms crossed over your chest as you looked around. I saw a few banners that hold few faces and what looked like a team logo. “MSBY Jackels,” You muttered to yourself, reading few names as you looked at each banner, “Meian Shugo, Thomas Adriah, Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya…Atsumu…”

He’s a volleyball player…

As you were looking at the banners, you then noticed a few people exit what you think was the locker room and ready to leave. Many of them passed you, giving you either a small wave, a smile, or wished you a goodbye. Expect three players who crept up behind you and startled you as one of them ask, “Why is ‘Tsumu helping you?”

Turning around with a startled look, you recognize them from the bar and from the banners. Looking at each of them, you said, “Sakusa Kiyoomi… Hinata Shoyo… and Bokuto Kotaro…”

“You know our names?” Bokuto asked tilting his head to the side as blinked.

“The banners,” You said, pointed to the ones hanging on the ceiling. “But he’s helping me because… I don’t know why he’s helping me…”

Sakusa let out a sigh through his masked, looking you dead in the eye, “A word of advice, don’t get too close to him.”

“Why not?” You gulped, biting your lip nervously.

“You’ll regret it,” Sakusa said grimly with a warning tone. "I know I do."

You nodded your head slowly, understanding what he was saying but Bokuto quickly slapped Sakusa back, making him cringe. But Bokuto ignored it as he smiled and laughed loudly, “Don’t listen to him! “Tsumu is a good guy!”

“Can you tell me about him?” You asked them with a kind smile. “What is he like?”

Hinata let out a thoughtful hum as he started to describe Atsumu, “He’s very passionate and a hard worker when it comes to volleyball. Once he put his mind into something he doesn’t stop until he finishes it.”

“He can be really stubborn too!” Bokuto chimed in. “There were times he would stay late after practice and refuse to go home until he perfected something.”

“He’s an idiot,” Sakusa deadpan. “He walks in the rain, he sometimes chews with his mouth open, he gets sick, he’s annoying and he doesn’t take of himself. Would you like me to continue?”

Laughing nervously at him, you shook your head, “No I think that’s good…”

“Whatcha guys talken’ about?” Atsumu's voice was heard as he joined the group.

“Talking how much of an idiot you are,” Sakusa answered, looking at him with a plain look.

“‘M not an idiot,” Atsumu yelled at him, a tick mark appeared on his head with annoyance. “Stop tellin’ people ‘m an idiot!”

“Then stop acting like an idiot,” Sakusa rolled his eyes. “Well, I got to go, see you all tomorrow I guess.”

“I should go to!” Hinata waved goodbye, following Sakusa out of the building, “See ya!”

“I’m going to get going too!” Bokuto stretches his arms over his head, “got to get ready to FaceTime Keiji! Later ‘Tsumu! Later…Um… I don’t know your name…”

“(Y/n),” You smiled at him.

“Later (Y/n)!” Bokuto waved, walking away and out of the building.

You gave him a small smile in return, watching him leave. Once he was gone, you turned to Atsumu who gave had a pout on his face, “They didn’t say anything mean about me did they?”

“No, they didn’t,” You gave him a polite smile. 

“I hope not,” Atsumu muttered. With his pout disappear, he started to walk behind you and pick up the train of your dress. 

Looking at him with creased eyebrows, you bend your knees a bit and tried to pick it up instead, “W-What are you doing?”

“Helping ya,” Atsumu said as if it was obvious, “don’t want the dress to be dirty.”

“It’s fine!” You tried to stop him but it was no use. Atsumu already was holding as much of he could in his arm. Remembering what his teammates said about him, you let out a sigh, “Thank you…”

Atsumu gave you a closed smile eye smile as he cooed, “Aw look at us! I’m helping a thief who stole a wedding dress!”

Sakusa was right…He is annoying.

“Did you really have to say it like that?” Your eyes twitched at him.

“Nah but I wanted to,” Atsumu smiled at you and then beacons his head to the direction of the door. “But let’s go, ‘m hungry.”

“W-What?” You staggered by him, walking next to him as he holds onto your dress. “Don’t think that’s a good idea since I’m wearing a wedding dress! People are going to talk and take pictures! I can’t have Haru see me.”

“Don’t worry!” Atsumu said without a care, “I know a place!”

What did I get myself into…

As the two of you walked, you were surprised how Atsumu was careful with the dress, making sure nothing touched the ground. You eyed him as the two of you walked, confused about why he’s helping you with your dress. You were even more surprised when the two of you arrived at what you assumed was his car. Atsumu was quick to unlock the doors and opening the passenger for you. With the door open, you eyed him curiously as you went inside, “Thank you?…”

“Anytime doll,” Atsumu winked at you, making sure to get the dress fully in before closing the door.

Doll?

You eyed him as he jogged to the drive side and got in. He flashed you a charming smile as he turned on the ignition, to which he furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

Why is he being so nice and helpful?

Driving out of the parking lot, you looked through the window in front, occasionally looking at the blonde in the corner of your eye. You saw Atsumu was staring straight at the road, occasionally looking at the mirrors whenever he was changing lanes. Stopping at the red light, you bit your lip nervously at why he was doing this for you. Taking a deep breath in, you suddenly burst out, “Why are you going this?” Looking at him with creased eyebrows and eyes filled with skepticism, you waited for what he has to say. 

Atsumu turned his face to the side, tilting his head back a bit as he looked at you with amusement. He just shrugged his shoulders, answering you honestly, “I don't know.”

You blinked once, twice, and a third time before you yelled at him in disbelief, “You don’t know!”

Atsumu laughed at your expression, looking back at the road. With the light shining green, Atsumu took his foot off the brake and pressed on the gas. You stared at him with wide eyes and disbelief as you stuttered out, “H-How do you not know!”

Atsumu laughed as he looked you in the corner of his eye and back on the road, “I didn’t expect ya to actually come to me for help.”

“You didn’t?” You said slowly, looking back at the road. Blinking your eyes questionable. You then turn back and look at him with the same expression, “Then why are you being so nice?”

“Nice?” Atsumu frowned, not taking his eyes off the road, “What do ya mean?”

“Like helping me with my dress,” You looked down, patted the skirt of the dress, “opening the door for me, and helping me…Why?”

“Isn’t that normal?” Atsumu blinked, creasing his eyebrows together. “‘M just doing what a normal person would do.”

“A normal person would do?…” You whispered to yourself, looking down at your hands.

Haru and Rieko haven’t been this nice to me…

Atsumu looked at you in the corner of his eye, seeing how you bit your lip down harshly. Seeing how sad you suddenly you became. Trying to lighten the mood, he smiled, “Since we gonna spend some time together, tell me about ya self.”

“Like what?” You looked up at him with a soft confusion written on your face.

“Just about ya,” Atsumu smiled, tapping his finger on the steering wheel. “What’s ya life story?”

“W-Well,” You looked back to the road, “staring with my childhood?”

“If only ya want to start their doll,” He smiled at him before looking back on the road.

“Okay,” You hummed, thinking back on your childhood, “my parents divorced when I was a so I grew up with my mom. We moved a lot since she’s own a publishing firm and wanted to be with her clients whenever they published a book. My father stayed here in Japan to run his business. But with having divorced parents and constantly moving around I had a good childhood, even if I barely made any friends… I moved here to Osaka for college and that’s how I met Rieko. She helped me get adjusted and was there for me. I then met Haru in one of my classes and a few months later were started dating… After we graduated I became a writer to a few bestsellers and I helped Haru get the COO job at (L/n) cooperations and a year later helped Rieko get a job there as well…And now it brings us back to here… What about you?”

“Let’s see,” Atsumu thoughtful hummed, “most of my childhood, my grandma raised me and my brother in Hyogo. Ma and pops were always busy with work so there we barely home. Played volleyball most of my life and now, ‘m getting paid for it.”

“That’s nice,” You couldn’t think of anything else to say but those words.

“Yeah,” Atsumu sighed happily, parking his car on the side of the road. “We’re here.”

Looking out of your window, you saw a small restaurant. Blinking at it curiously, you read the sign to yourself, “Onigiri Miya… Miya?”

“Yeah,” Atsumu smiled, gaining your attention as turned to look at him. “My little brother started it.”

“I see,” You hummed, talking off your seatbelt. You were about to open the door but Atsumu was quick to stop you, “Hold up!”

You looked at him as he quickly turned off the ignition and took off his seatbelt. Getting out of the car, Atsumu was quick to jog over to your side and open the door for you. Holding his hand out, he gave you a smile, “Let me help ya!”

“O-Okay…” You trailed out, eyeing his hand a bit before accepting it. Once you were fully out of the car, Atsumu closed the door behind and then grabbed to hold the train of your dress. You also helped him by picking up your dress a bit and whispered a small thanks to him. Once the train was in his arms, Atsumu and yourself then started to walk inside the restaurant.

Opening the door, Atsumu allowed you in first before following you inside. The two of you walked to the bar and went to sit on one of the stools. Atsumu carefully let go of the train, before sitting down. You told him to he didn’t have to be so careful but he just gave you a wink. Sitting on the stool next to you, Atsumu then yelled out, “Oi Samu! Where are ya!”

This place looks cute.

“‘M comin’!” You heard a voice yell out in the back. A few seconds later, you saw someone wearing all black with an apron appear who looked just like Atsumu, except for hair and eyes were different. “Geez, can’t ya just…”

“Can’t I just what?” Atsumu laid his chin on his hand with a smirk, seeing his brother look at you in shock.

“Hey ‘Tsumu.”

“Yeah ‘Samu,” Atsumu said in amusement, loving his brother's reaction.

“What did ya do?”

MASTERPOST-PREV-NEXT

Notes: if I’m missing anyone on the taglist please let me know!

TAGLIST: @girlyluke​ @reina-de-tay​​ @bloody-bella​​ @gothkaoru​​ @freaksnque​​ @gothkaoru​​ @kayleighbeccaa​​ @itoshibaby​​ @missalienqueen​​ @90s-belladonna​​ @ntimacy​​ @persyhange​​ @loser-keiji​​ @lilith412426​​ @fandomatakeover18​​ @bbdaydreams​​ @sillyanimedream​​ @noya-kinnie​ @itzlally​ @fayeimara​@izmeaweeboo​ @zukoslosthishonor​ @camcam1617​ @karlitaburrito​@sakusaakiyoomii​ @strcwberrieswine​

[dickwheelie]

@coulson-is-an-avenger thank you sm for the jonsasha prompt!! sorry this took so long but here's a fic about jon and sasha brushin each other's hair :) with a bonus gender discussion(tm)

___________

Jon leaned back against Sasha's legs where she sat on the sofa above him, feeling her gently tug his braid loose, his hair tumbling into her lap as she began to comb through it. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting himself relax.

"I've always been jealous of your hair," Sasha said, as she started brushing it out. "So long and lustrous . . ."

"Hah!" Jon barked out a laugh. "Lustrous is not a word I'd use to describe anything about myself."

"You don't give yourself enough credit. Maybe your skin needs work, but your hair is doing fine."

"Oh, well, thank you," Jon said. "Wait, my skin needs--?"

"Why do you keep your hair long, anyway?" Sasha went on. "I mean, it looks good, but you don't seem the type."

Jon snorted. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing," Sasha said cheerily. "Just, you know, the whole male academic persona." Out of the corner of his eye, Jon saw her hand wave theatrically at the words. "You dress and act so straight-laced at work, I guess I'm just surprised your hair didn't go along with it."

Jon worried at the hem of his cardigan. The soft, casual cardigan he'd worn to Sasha's flat because it was his day off, and he didn't have to dress in stuffy, professional clothing so nobody would figure out he was a fraud who didn't belong in a head archivist position. "I just always liked keeping it long," he said. "Couldn't tell you why. Just feels nice, I guess."

"You know," Sasha said pointedly, "I used to want to keep my hair long for reasons I couldn't explain, either."

"I--" Jon began to protest, then closed his mouth and tried again. "I . . . I've thought about it. Believe me, I've--" He laughed humorlessly. "I have thought about it. But I'm sure I'm cis. I-I mean, by now, I'd know otherwise. Right?"

Sasha hummed as she tugged at a stubborn tangle. "Not necessarily. I've met lots of people who didn't know they were trans until they were in their forties, or older."

"W-Well," Jon said, and then didn't know what else to say. For a moment, he just sat there, losing himself in Sasha's steady pulls of the brush, the feeling of her hands running through his hair. "I mean," he said eventually, "I'm not a woman. I know that much."

"Okay," Sasha said, and was quiet. Jon recognized her "letting him talk it out" voice.

"And I'm not uncomfortable with being a man." Jon sighed. He hadn't been prepared for this conversation, and he didn't feel like digging too far into it. "Maybe I'm just a man who likes having long hair. What's wrong with that."

"Absolutely nothing," Sasha said, and he felt her press her lips to the top of his head before returning to the brush. "I think it's handsome."

"Ah. Thank you," Jon said, with a twitch of a smile.

Soon Sasha had finished with his hair and tied it back up in its braid, and they swapped places. Jon could accept Sasha's compliments about his hair's lustrousness, or whatever, but faced with her dark curls he didn't understand how she could ever be jealous of his hair, or anyone else's, for that matter. Sasha's hair was so . . . he didn't even know, he just loved it. It wasn't quite as long as his, but it was a beautiful, rich dark color, almost black but not quite. The texture as he ran his hands through it felt astonishingly nice; he was reminded of the stim toys he used to play with when he was younger.

Sasha's hair didn't need brushing out like his did, so instead he just evened out the center part and ran through it with a comb. He spent the majority of the time carding his hands through it, careful not to tug on the strands. Sasha leaned warmly against him, her back up against his calves, her legs splayed out comfortably in front of her. Her head was tilted up at him and her eyes were closed, with a peaceful look on her face.

"How long did it take you," Sasha said at one point, her voice low and relaxed. "To grow your hair out."

Jon had to think a moment. "Last time I had it cut was . . . almost two years ago, now. I remember because I'd just gotten an interview for the researcher job and I wanted to look . . . presentable. Male academic persona, and all that."

Sasha laughed. "Right."

"Before that it was pretty long, past my shoulders. That was how I kept it at uni too. This is the longest it's ever been, though," Jon said, as he tugged at a strand of his own hair absentmindedly. "I guess the Institute's kept me so busy I forgot to get it cut again."

"Well, if you like it that way, why waste the money?" Sasha said, quite reasonably. "Besides, I stand by what I said. Your hair's a gift, don't waste it by cutting it off." She reached above her head and waved a finger at him. "Unless you want to. Don't let me tell you what to do. God knows I know a thing or two about other people telling me what to do with my hair."

Jon laughed. "I won't. I want to keep it long, anyway." He was glad Sasha liked his hair like this. Georgie had been the same way, encouraging Jon not to cut it. He'd had friends in the past express confusion about his hair, but he'd gotten pretty skilled at ignoring them. It took a job interview, apparently, to change his mind. Jon wasn't entirely sure how he felt about that.

Well, no, that wasn't true. Bad, that was how he felt. Walking around those first few months in research with his hair cropped short, wearing those stuffy outfits . . . he'd never felt more like an imposter. The day he realized his hair had finally grown back past his shoulders had been a very, very good day.

His work clothes hadn't really changed, and his persona hadn't gotten easier to play, but now he had his hair, and his nails, and even the occasional earring studs he'd wear, if he was feeling brave.

And Sasha. And Tim. He had them, too, and they were two very good people to have in one's corner.

Impulsively, he reached down and gave Sasha a hug around her shoulders. It was a bit of an awkward angle, and he had to lay his cheek on the top of her head, but she reached up to hug him back anyway.

"What's this for?" Sasha said, but she didn't let go.

"I don't know," Jon said softly. "I love you, that's all."

"Well, if that's all," Sasha said. She gave him a few pats on the arm, as well as she could reach. "Don't mess up my hair, now, or you'll have to comb it again."

"Oh, no," Jon intoned, "what a horrible fate."

"You're not funny, Sims."

"I'm hilarious."

Sasha grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it, which Jon suspected was a last-ditch effort to derail the conversation by flustering him. It worked extremely well. Jon busied himself by going back to her hair, and it was a few minutes later before either of them spoke again.

"I love you too, you know," Sasha said at length. "I know I don't say it a lot, but I do."

"It's okay," Jon said, and it really, really was. He knew Sasha couldn't see the wide smile that had just appeared on his face, but he liked to think she could hear it in his voice. "I know you do."

[nnatasha]

don't blame me for falling, iii

read the first and second part!!

pairing: tom holland x reader

summary: he comes back to town after years and years, and the press are just eating it up and you're falling too hard and too fast

an; how unnecessary long can I make this challenge. also how dumb can I make this challenge lmao why is elon musk in this chapter?? I don't know!!

the news was, at first, too far fetched to be true. 

but as the months passed and the seasons changed and frost covered the green, green grass you could no longer look at, the fact that Tom Holland Had Quit Acting sunk with a finality into the world and its people.

when you were young and sweet and when your favourite colour was blue and you were so adamant that you hated pink, you remembered how much tom liked to act, be a dramatic idiot over the tiniest of things. how, if a teacher tried to send him out of the classroom, he'd whine and groan with the essence of a shakespearian actor. how, when summer term rolled around, he auditioned for every any role he could, dancing and prancing around the drama studio in front of you and harrison at lunchtimes. how, when he was fifteen, he had left to go have a shot at a life-changing part, bagging almost everything he could until he hit the big one: spiderman homecoming came out and the entire town rallied about the little boy on the big screen.

in his interviews, the subjects were far and few, all whittling down to one thing; why? his answer made no sense to but a few, "it was a little squiggle I did when I was young."

the tattoo on your ankle, the stick and poke you had done on a slow january evening when you were fourteen, the little squiggle that looked like a three with a somewhat long tail, the tattoo that had stayed infected for weeks and weeks. it burned into your skin, even after it had long faded, even after tom had left you and his hands were nowhere near your knees, even ten years on when you watched the occasional interview, eyes yearning to look at the way he sighed and heaved like his world had fallen to pieces, wishing you could reach out and stroke the pain away with a small smile.

"why?"

"I left too much behind." he once replied.  

"do you not like it?"

"I just think that he left a lot behind." you had once replied in an interview you regretted greatly. "perhaps a bit too much, too soon."

 london was a huge city.

the tall buildings and the exotic smells and the crowded pathways were unfamiliar to you, and you couldn't leave the apartment without harrison for a good week before you braved it by yourself.

 the greys of the buildings built a small, weak wall around your soul and when you shook tom's hand for the first time in half a year, it didn't warm you from your skin to your bones to your soul and it unsettled you in a way you couldn't describe.

london was foreign, and you hated it. you regretted taking the job there and you missed your friends and the familiar roads and the familiar smells and the lack of cameras that were around whenever you were with tom.

it had been a true mistake becoming his assistant, carrying his files and not talking to him like you used to. it was your fault, simply nodding and smiling whenever he made a joke only you would get, brushing him off like you thoughts you should've for so many years.

summer in london was the worst.

tom, ceo of a tech company now, was busiest in the warm weather and you could feel your forehead start to sweat even as you sat in the comfortable air conditioning in his car.

"what happened?" tom's voice was soft and the tentativeness of it made your heart clench.

"pardon?"

"to us." 

it was an unfamiliar topic, one the two of you always purposefully swayed from.

"you're my boss now." you answered after a pause. 

and then the silence enveloped the two of you again, only being broken by harrison's loud voice when you arrived at his apartment, tonya waddling behind him, all tummy, all beams and smiles. 

"baby!" you giggled, sinking into the hug tonya gave you. she had become a close friend, letting you stay and get on your feet upon arriving in london, watching bad tv shows and movies with you late into the night.

your neck was wet to touch, the heat unbearable out in the sun. you fanned yourself with such vigor it offset tonya, who looked at your hand with such a sharpness you felt as though she'd frozen it. 

"come in, come in." her voice was like honey, thick and goopy and smooth. she led the group of four into her home and a smile appeared on your face at the appearance of harrison's hands steady a few inches away from his very pregnant wife's back. life had been good for the two of them, the horrors of the world hidden out of view like they'd been kicked underneath the sofa. god had been kind to the two of them, and it showed in the golden glow of their faces when they smiled, and the crows feet already appearing on the twenty four year old harrison, smile upon smile that crinkled his eyes and his entire face, dimples appearing like he was a scrunched up piece of paper. tonya was still tall and leggy and her hair had been coloured by the sun, a beautiful shining gold that matched the darker strips across her nose and cheekbones. 

your grey skirt was stiff and tight around your legs and you frowned at tom, who was also fidgeting with his outfit. the suit that had been shrunk by the dry cleaners was stretched painfully across his slumped shoulders and frown lines had begun to appear on his cheeks and chin, as young as he was. life had been rough for him since his abrupt job change, many long nights and many people wondering what this young boy had to say, had to do about the current advancements in the technological world. now, half a year later, his company was off on its feet, taking its first few steps into the harsh world. 

"do you want a drink?" tonya offered, hand already holding a cold can of coke. you accepted it gratefully, stiffening as you felt tom place his hand on your back. he was inches away, breath fanning onto your forehead as he read an email, eyebrows furrowed. 

a soft hum was music to your ears, despite the grumbly undertone it had. he looked up at tonya, then to harrison stood behind her, "we have to go, im so sorry."

you glared at him, and you would've glared at yourself if you could for the whiney tone you took. "we just got here." you complained, "she could have a baby by the next time we visit!"

tom's frown focused on you and your heart flinched as he snapped, "unless you want to keep your job, which, might I remind you, I gave to you with no prior interview, you're not going to complain."

"oi, mate," harrison's cool voice butted in and he placed a tanned hand on tom's shoulder. it was a familiar action, where he would tighten his hand a little much, clap the shoulder just a tad too hard, his grin stretched and hiding malice in it. it was a trick of harrison's, in the i-just-wanna-vibe bloke kind of way, clap a hand on tom's, or yours, or a drunken stranger's shoulder, stand tall, too tall, and hulk his shoulders and his neck out in a way that always made you laugh. harrison always made you laugh.

tom was quiet, you saying your goodbyes for him - 'we'll be back before this little man pops out, I promise!'- and was fiddly and stiff and loose and a nervous wreck all over in the car, tugging at his collar until it became wrinkled, his eyes a little crazed. 

"soo," you dragged out, your warm breath breaking the icy tension in the room, "what we doing today, boss?"

"mr musk is here." tom said, and his voice was shaky and your heart clenched. when you were thirteen, or perhaps fourteen, or maybe even fifteen, (or perhaps forever), you had cared for tom so much that you every one of his mannerisms down to a tee. the tapping of his expensive shoes on the car floor? too much coffee, which you had learnt when tom had discovered it at the blooming age of thirteen, when he had carried it around in this cute pink thermos you and harrison had bought for him. the way his head twitched to the right after a long, hard couple of days was barely there, but you would always know, his shoulders stiffening and his jaw clenching as he tried to stay as resolutely still as possible. you knew him to a tee, you knew how he felt, you knew how he ate, you knew how he loved.

and that was, perhaps, why the wall between you was so thick and hard to crack. you knew how he loved and you knew that he knew the way you loved. you were loving each other at different paces, in different ways, in different dimensions, but in the same unobtainable, scary way that everybody loves.

"elon musk?" you whispered, your voice making tom's fingers thrum with warmth.

he nodded, brown, scared eyes gazing at you. "well, ok." you hurried, heart pounding in your chest so loudly you could almost feel it in your fingers. "that's fine, that's cool. don't you worry, he makes cars."

"and flamethrowers." tom's voice was shaky, and the playfulness dripped off in such a way that you winced.

"well, hopefully he'll lend me one to burn that bloody honker off your face."

"oi!" tom waved a finger at you and you laughed, drifting into a comfortable silence that was bordering on uncomfortable, all at tom's fault of course. his nervousness came off his in huge, tsunami-like waves that soaked you through to the marrows of your bones.

the car came to a slow stop outside the office, parking between two expensive black cars. the sun was scorching as you stepped out, puffing and almost burning your hand on the heat of the chassis.

"bloody hell." tom breathed, tugging on his collar once more. "it's fucking boiling."

you hummed in agreement, laughing at a memory, "remember when-"

"yeah." tom agreed , eyes crinkling at the edges. "almost late for temple, wasn't he?"

you nodded, the memory of your brother frankie falling asleep at his mate's on a warm, stifling summer's day one june floating in the air between the two of you. your mother had shouted at him, so loud the entire neighborhood had heard, and you and your sister esther had hid in the rabbit coop to escape her wrath, the comfortable smell of grass soaking into your clothes. 

you had hid there once again, years and years later, when frankie had lost his voice breaks and the ie at the end of his name, and had set off to war in some foreign country. your mother had shouted then, in english and french and yiddish, but your brother had heard none of it, setting off two weeks later. 

"is he still,," tom trailed off, hand twitching towards you. you shook your head, lips pursed. he had been killed by a stranger in a foreign land, and the person you nor your mother knew who had gone to collect his body had been killed too. 

"right." tom moved a hand to you and you smiled a shaky smile hands reaching up to his neck to find some sense of comfort.

"can't see mr musk all raggedy looking, now." your voice was playful, light, but it shook as you touched his neck.

the stiff collar creased under your fingers with ease, and you slipped it back into place, flush against his sunburnt skin. his tie was in a muddle, and it resembled that of a fourteen year olds so much so that you let out a giggle, sliding it up to his top button. you lingered, eyes looking up into his face.

so, so, close.

he wasn't smiling, no, but his eyes held a warmth that told of bygone days, when your ma would cook the two of you a hot apple pie, when you would wade about in the paddling pool of the only bloody nature park in your town with your shorts wet at the hem, when you would camp out in the frozen aisles of supermarkets before being kicked out, the warm sun a constant on your young backs. 

his eyes were pools of honey, the sticky brown of them golden in the sunlight, wrinkled around the edges in the way that spoke of love and fun. the two of you were aging, and the world was moving around you at a steady pace and the two of you were still figuring things out, your hearts guarded but your eyes true.

his face was rough with the beginnings of stubble and the sun drying it out, but you were stood stroking his cheek so what would it matter anyway. the way he leaned into your thumb, fractionally but with so much care made your heart thump and your breath catch. the domesticity of it scared you, and so did his eyes and his nose and his lips and the way he knew you so well and the way you knew him. it was so familiar, being this close to him, like visiting your parents at the holidays with the snow falling and being scared about what they'd think of your hair and your clothes and the accent that had been created anew and the way you laughed like the world was yours.

"I'm sorry." his voice was quiet against the din of london but he was so, so close that it just slipped into your ears like how he slipped and slotted into your life perfectly, filling all the missing gaps. "for leaving. so much." 

you took a shuddering breath and slid your hands down to his shoulders, giving them a friendly clap. "can't keep a billionaire waiting, tommo!"

it was harsh, perhaps, but however hard tom was pushing to get to the heart that was sure to be soft putty in his hands, you couldn't dare let him. for your heart was soft and made of putty, malleable and so easily thrown out after use. you didn't want him to leave one day and put it on the kitchen counter like his keys those many, many years ago.

elon musk was a remarkable man,and the way he spoke was so eloquent, in a messy way that reminded you so much of the world.

"your company is that of the stars, mr holland," he had spoke, his hands a blur in the air in front of you. it was rather nice, the motion fanning your boiling skin. 

he had left in an even quicker blur, the smell of expensive cologne and pricey suits trailing after him. your body mourned the loss of his hands, but was rather please at the addition of a pair of oh so very familiar hands.

"so?"

"so." you answered. elon had proposed a few things that were all very unclear and far and few, his american voice harsh in your little english head. 

"I don't make cars." tom breathed, tugging on his collar with a small smile.

"no we don't." you smiled back at him, the sun shining just a little brighter. 

[area50dununiverse]

Prompt: j+e were raised in a very conservative home and went to a very conservative school and never spoke about sex at all. But one day their parents hear them giggling about something and force them to tell them what thinking they were up to no good to which they describe this thing they found that feels really good which to their parents horror is touching each other bc they only ever heard how babies are made and don't realise what they're doing is sexual cue pure angst as they're separated

Hello! I don’t know about this one, it all seemed a lot better in my head!! I really hope it’s okay!!!!!!

I hope you like it :) 

Read below as always XX

John’s mouth fell open, his muscles were tense and he couldn’t breathe, talk or think. All he could do was make a pathetic little squall, his legs twitching, body aching and a strange tightness in the pit of his stomach.

Edward stopped and looked at him, half smiling, half nervous. “Okay? Does it hurt?” He asked, still holding John. John’s hips involuntary twitched up into Edward’s hand, the tightness and the ache fading slightly.John nodded, panting out a “yeah, yeah it’s good” while his hips gave another twitch, desperate for Edward to just move again. “It feels like-” John tried to breathe, his brain trying to concentrate on anything other than Edward’s hand “something is building up, like, I dunno, something’s going to happen?”

Edward frowned at him and whispered “what?” But John didn’t know, couldn’t put it into words, everything was so strange, so good. “Here-” John mumbled, taking hold of Edward and stroking him quickly. Edward’s head fell back, his eyes closing.“Yeah that’s-” Edward whined, arching his back and pushing into John. “Oh god, it’s… It’s-”“I know” John grinned, watching Edward, momentarily forgetting about his own pleasure.

Edward was completely flushed and John knew something was going to happen, he could feel it. They had never done anything like this before, it hadn’t even entered John’s mind to touch himself like this, but he had started to wake up in the mornings uncomfortable and stiff. He had naturally panicked because he didn’t know what was happening to him. After the third time it happened, he had nervously asked Edward about it, asking if he should see a doctor.Edward’s eyes widened and he told him that the same thing had happened to him a few times, reaching for John’s quilt and pulling it off for a better look.

That’s when Edward had touched him. He had, of course, asked John first before John nodded because who cared if Edward touched him? They had seen each other naked countless of times. John was surprised at the pleasant feeling running through his body as Edward held him, looking for any indication of how to help him.He had moaned and told Edward about how good it felt and soon, Edward was in the same state as him, confused but feeling good.

“It’s so weird” John mumbled, watching Edward pant and buck his hips. Edward suddenly opened his eyes, wider than John had ever seen, inhaling a sharp intake of breath and John could actually feel his dick twitching in his hand before something happened that John was not expecting.

John went to pull his hand away, some sticky substance getting on him, but Edward grabbed him and put his hand right back, wrapping it around himself again and crying out. John watched with wide eyes, not sure what the hell was happening to him.

He had gone red, bright red, all over and he looked like he was in pain. Edward suddenly pushed John’s hand away with a small whimper and smiled at him, completely out of breath. “Let me-” Edward’s hand was back on John and he wasn’t even sure he wanted whatever that was to happen to him.

But that feeling was back and he couldn’t think of anything other than what was happening down there.

John felt that familiar tightening and he could hear Edward giggling before he suddenly couldn’t breathe. He was shaking and panting, every nerve in his body tingling. He felt like he was on fire and couldn’t see or hear anything but he was sure he was shouting.Suddenly everything felt too much and he needed Edward to stop so he pushed him away, feeling like his arm had weights tied to it.

“See?” Edward grinned, his eyes alight. John felt like jelly, completely boneless and so sleepy.“What the hell?” John smiled, closing his eyes. Edward laughed and so did John as he fell asleep.

John still felt amazing when he woke up a few hours later. It was midday and he was hungry. Edward was stirring beside him so he poked him to wake him up before getting up. Edward stretched and groaned, mumbling something about wanting food.“I feel nice” Edward smiled, making John laugh.“Me too” he added, turning his body to face Edward “that was crazy! What even was that Edward?”

Edward shrugged. “You were so loud!” He laughed.“It was so good” John giggled “so good!” John watched Edward for a moment before giving him a sly smile. “Shall we do it again?”Edward quickly nodded, brimming with excitement. John laughed again, a fit of the giggles taking him over, high-pitched and hysterical. He felt giddy and excited and he could feel the same tingling down there.

“What’s going on?” John heard their mum ask as their bedroom door opened. She put down a pile of clean clothes and looked at them with a small smile. “What are you up to? I’ve seen that look before and it always means trouble.”“We found the best thing!” Edward all but shouted at her “it was crazy mum!”

“Yeah” John added, “me and Edward did this thing, and it was like an explosion of-”“Feeling good” Edward butted in, finishing his sentence “and I thought I was going to die but it was a good feeling”

“What are you talking about?” Susannah asked, her face confused.“Like this-” John said, pulling on Edward’s bottoms and taking hold of him, only pumping his hand once before their mum was shouting at him, rushing forwards to grab him.John yelped as she pulled him away, making him fall off the bed. “What are you doing?” She shouted, “you can’t do that!”“Yeah we can, it worked last time,” John told her, confused by her outburst.

“You’re brothers” she stressed, gently pulling John to his feet and not letting go of his wrist.John looked at Edward and frowned. What was her problem?“Edward, stay there,” Susannah said as she lead John out of the room.“What’s wrong?” John asked, following her downstairs and sitting on the sofa at her gesture. “I’m calling your aunt Mary, I think you need to stay with her a few days.”

John nodded. He didn’t fully understand the situation but he loved staying with their aunt as she had horses and was generally quite cool. He wondered if Edward was packing a bag for them and wondered if he had known they were going the whole time.“Why am I down here?” John asked as she dialled the phone number. Susannah ignored him and left the room as soon as the phone was picked up on the other end.Edward appeared in the doorway and John smiled telling him “we’re going to Mary’s”

“I love it there!” Edward grinned “can I come down now?”John shrugged at him because he didn’t know “thought you were packing?” Edward sat next to John on the sofa and shook his head.“I didn’t know we were going,” he said just as their mother returned from the kitchen.

“Edward, didn’t I tell you to stay upstairs?”“Why?” Edward frowned “when are we going to Mary’s?”John suddenly sensed that there was something wrong. Their mum looked angry, maybe even sad and he didn’t know why. “Why are we even going? Is something wrong?” He asked, worried now.

“Just-” Susannah sighed “go upstairs and pack a bag, Edward I need you to come to the shop with me, the bags will be heavy.”John and Edward looked at each other with a frown. What was with her? “Now please?” She snapped, making them jump into action.

John ran upstairs and heard the front door shut as Edward left with their mum. He mindlessly picked up a few things and stuffed them in a bag. He packed Edward’s clothes too, knowing what he liked to wear.

John sat waiting for Edward and their mum to return. It had almost been an hour and he was starting to worry.There was a knock at the door so he went and answered, seeing Mary instead of Edward.“Ready?” She smiled, as soon as John opened the door.John shook his head “Edward’s not back. Mum needed his help at the shop.”

John watched her smile falter for a second. “Grab your bag and pop it in the car.” She told him, taking out her phone. John headed upstairs and grabbed his and Edward’s bag before heading back down and taking it to the car. “John, let’s just go, your mum will bring Edward once they’re done,” Mary said, opening the passenger door for him.“I don’t want to leave without Edward.” John frowned. He didn’t understand why everyone was acting so strange all of a sudden.

“Just get in.” Her voice was a warning, so John did as she asked. She started the car and pulled out of the driveway and John thought about asking what was even happening. He wondered if someone had died, an elderly relative passing was the reason for last time he and Edward were sent off to stay with Mary.They got to the end of the road when John saw Edward walking with their mum, both hands full of bags. “There he is!” John smiled “we can grab him now, I have his stuff.” They stopped at the red lights and Edward looked over the road, his face lighting up as he saw John in the car.

John waved and saw Edward’s face fall as their mum said something to him. “Why aren’t we stopping?” John frowned as they started moving again “he’s there, look.” Edward looked panicked and John saw their mum hold onto his arm as he took a few strides towards the road.“Edward isn’t coming. It’s going to be just you and me!” she said, trying to sound positive and happy but somehow failing. John panicked and looked over the road to where Edward was standing. “What?” He wailed “I’m not leaving without him,” he said, trying the door and finding it locked. He looked back at Mary “please” he mumbled “don’t take me away from him. This is kidnap!”

She gave him a sad look before John looked back at Edward, the car stopping behind the slow traffic. Edward was upset, he could see it in his face. “Ed!” John shouted, tapping the window “Mum! Ed!”“John, calm down,” Mary told him gently “it’s just for a week or two.”“What?” John snapped, his chest feeling tight, “that’s the whole half term! Mum said a few days!” The car started moving again, turning the corner and away from Edward.John watched Edward disappear out of sight and sunk down in his seat, tears falling.

“John, darling,” Mary said, her voice soft “don’t be upset, we’ll have fun.” John didn’t answer her, just stared out of the window thinking about Edward. He wondered how he had taken the news and wiped his face, trying to keep himself from crying even more.

It wasn’t a long drive back but the car was completely silent the whole way. They headed inside and John asked if he could go upstairs to his room before dinner.“I’ve made your bed” Mary smiled sadly, watching John leave.He sat on the bed and sighed. It was too quiet. He was lonely and it was horrible because he had never felt lonely before. He didn’t know what to do, or why he was even there and he missed Edward.

John sat and cried, at a loss of what to do. He didn’t know how long he was sitting there for before there was a knock at the door and Mary stepped in. “John?” She held out her phone, and told him “Edward is on the phone.”John snapped his head up and snatched the phone from her, his heart pounding. “Edward?” He asked, pressing the phone to his ear. Mary left the room and John laid down, curling up on his bed.“John, mum said it’s because of what we done.” Edward said, his voice shaky. “She said we need time apart because we can’t be doing sexual things.”

John had no idea what was that even meant. They weren’t being sexual, no way. They were two boys. “isn’t sex like, to make a baby?” John asked, missing Edward even more now that he could hear him.“She’s on her way over to talk to you, to explain. Although I still don’t get it.” Edward told him “I miss you John and I don’t think it was wrong.” Edward sounded like he had been crying and that made John feel even worse.“I don’t get it.” John mumbled, feeling sick. They stayed silent for a few seconds before Edward asked: “how long are you there for?”

John couldn’t hold it any longer and cried, trying to get his words out to answer the question. “Two weeks” he sobbed. “I don’t want to be apart”.“She’s wrong,” Edward said, referring to their mother. John didn’t answer, just let himself cry down the phone, feeling stupid and sad.

“I miss you” Edward repeated and John could hear that he was crying too. “We’ve never been apart before.”“Maybe mum will let me come home?” John suggested hopefully.“Maybe. I don’t think we can do that anymore John” Edward said with a sigh.

“I think mums here-” John sat up and strained his ears. He could hear her voice and footsteps coming up the stairs. “She’s coming. Can you call back later?”“I don’t know if I’m allowed” Edward grumbled and John sighed.“Okay, I’ll speak to you as soon as I can,” John said, not wanting to hang up.“John-”“Yeah?” John heard Mary and his mum in the hall and pressed the phone harder to his ear, not wanting to let Edward go.“I love you.” Edward told him sadly, crying again.“I love you too” John croaked before hanging up just as the door opened.

They walked in and John looked towards the window, watching some birds fly across the sky. “John, I know you’re mad but-”“Take me home.” John said, still not looking at anyone. He couldn’t, he was too angry and confused and he didn’t want to cry. The bed dipped as Susannah sat down beside him.“It’s for the best. What you did was wrong and you need to take some time apart. You like it here-”“Not without Edward I don’t.” John snapped, feeling just a tiny bit guilty for saying that in front of Mary. “I don’t like anything without Edward.”

“Exactly.” She said “you’re too close. You’ve merged into one person.” John rolled his eyes, still looking at the sky. “Family don’t do that stuff, you can’t be sexually involved with your brother John.”“I’m not” John snapped, looking at her for the first time. She looked guilty and sad which took John aback slightly.“What you two done, was sexual.” John looked at Mary, who was looking at her feet and back to his mum.

“You only do things like that with people you love.” Susanna went on, her eyes burning into John.“I love Edward though” John mumbled. This was just confusing him even more and the chance of going home was looking nonexistent.“See? You’re confusing your feelings. Of course, you love him, as your brother, your best friend, but not in that way.”

“What way?” John asked, looking between Mary and his mother. “You have sex to have a baby; one boy, one girl. That’s not what me and Edward were doing!” John was getting impatient and annoyed now. He could feel himself losing his temper and took a breath.“You should have told them this stuff years ago.” Mary piped up, earning a look from Susannah. “Poor boys are confused.”

“Just go” John snapped. “If I can’t come home, go.” There was a pause where no one moved or spoke. John chewed his lip thinking about Edward and how much he missed him. He thought back to that morning and what he and Edward had done. There wasn’t anything bad in it, he thought, just a bit of fun. He couldn’t see why everyone was acting like it was the end of the world.

He heard the door close and looked up to find an empty room with relief. He could hear arguing from downstairs and curled up on his bed again, clutching Mary’s phone. He wondered if he should call Edward but didn’t know if he could take it. Hearing his voice felt like too much.

It had only been a couple of hours, but John had always had Edward there beside him. Even when he showered, Edward would sit on the loo seat and chat to him. Suddenly, he was alone, and he felt like half a person, like something had been torn away.

John heard his mum leave but didn’t go down to say goodbye. John carried on laying in bed until Mary called him for dinner so he headed downstairs. He was hungry but sickly and didn’t really feel like eating much. They sat opposite each other to eat, John pushing his food around his plate in silence.“Did anyone ever talk to you about sex and relationships?” Mary asked after a while. John shrugged, trying to think back to his sex education lessons. Their school was strict catholic, and they were only taught a tiny bit. You grew up, got married and had babies, that’s the way it went. Sex wasn’t fun or pleasurable, just something you had to get done in order to reproduce. There was nothing else to know.“I know how babies are made if that’s what you’re asking” John muttered, taking a mouthful of food.

“No, like relationships” she pushed “the different types of relationships, changes in your body and that sort of thing?” John’s cheeks heated up because he really didn’t want to be having this conversation with his aunt, but it seemed he had no choice in the matter as she started filling him in with all the relevant information.John was actually grateful because he didn’t know about the things she was telling him and he could finally see why his mother freaked out. He still didn’t think it was wrong but he kept that to himself.

He couldn’t believe there was so much to it, it was all so complex and complicated. John thought about his relationship with Edward and how much he loved him, trying to compare it with the sort of love Mary had told him about. The thought of kissing Edward didn’t phase him in the slightest, he actually quite liked the idea. He compared that feeling to their older brother, trying to imagine himself kissing Kevin and not being able to. It disgusted him and made him cringe to even think about Kevin like that. “Do I love Edward?” John asked, his food long forgotten about.Mary smiled and shook her head “not like that, no” she said, “you’re very close and you must love him like mad, but it’s brotherly.”

John nodded. He wanted to ask why he didn’t feel the same way towards Kevin, why the thought of kissing Edward didn’t make him cringe. He didn’t though, deciding to let it drop. “Can I go to bed?” John asked, wondering how he was going to sleep without Edward. Mary nodded and John excused himself, going back to his room and getting undressed. He thought about everything Mary had told him, trying to keep his mind away from thinking about Edward.John debated if he was gay but decided he couldn’t be as he wasn’t attracted to boys. He wasn’t really attracted to girls either when he thought about it. Whenever he tried to think of someone he actually liked, all he thought about was Edward.

The room felt too quiet. John had no one to talk to and it made him restless. He wondered what Edward was doing and whether he felt the same. John felt sad thinking about Edward being lonely and hoped that he wasn’t too upset. John laid there for hours until he couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to call Edward so he snuck downstairs and quickly grabbed the phone before running back upstairs.

He called his house, praying Edward would answer and wondered what would happen if anyone else answered. Would they tell him he couldn’t speak to Edward? He didn’t really want to talk to anyone else.The phone was picked up on the first ring and John was relieved to hear Edward’s small “hello?”“Edward?” John smiled, clutching the phone for dear life.“John-” Edward was crying, making John’s stomach twist uncomfortably.

“It’s not the same without you” Edward whispered and John guessed that everyone was in bed.“I miss you, ” John told him, his chest tight, “Mary told me some stuff about relationships and sex, ” he said, also lowering his voice. “I have so much to tell you once I’m home.”“Why are we being punished?” Edward asked, still upset.“Because we’re not supposed to be acting like a couple Edward. It’s wrong.” John said, “but I don’t think it is, do you?”“No” Edward grumbled, his breath hitching. John wanted to comfort him, hug him and tell him that it’s okay, but most of all, he wanted Edward to do the same for him.

“Edward, I have to go,” John said suddenly, as he got an idea. “I promise I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”“Why?” Edward snapped “don’t go-” John felt a pang of guilt but he knew what he had to do. “Trust me, I’ll see you soon. I love you.”  He only just caught Edward saying a quick “love you” before he hung up and looked outside.It was dark as it was almost 11pm but he didn’t mind the dark so much.  He got up and dressed before grabbing his bag and sneaking downstairs and out the front door.

He vaguely knew the way home and guessed it would take him at least two hours to walk it if he went through the fields, which was a safer option. John looked back at the house before he started walking in the direction of home.

He had been walking for half an hour before, in typical Irish form, it started to rain. He cursed and briefly wondered if this was god’s way of telling him that all his teachers were right about what was a sin and what wasn’t but he quickly dismissed that thought. He and Edward weren’t sinners and even if they were, at least they were sinners together.

It was cold and he was wet and John didn’t dare think about how long he had left to go. He also didn’t let himself think about any murders that could be lurking. An hour into his walk and John was starting to think he was never getting home. He had no way of knowing the time or contacting anyone and he was seriously thinking that this was the stupidest thing he’d ever done.

He recognised where he was though and had a burst hope run through him, knowing how close he was. He thought about Edward, tucked up in bed and thought about seeing him. His mum will go mad, he knew that for sure but he didn’t care too much. John knew they would all be in bed so he hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with them until the morning. It had finally stopped raining, leaving him wet through and cold.

John started into a run once he could see his road, running down the street as fast as he could carry himself. He knocked on the door and startled as it flew open and his whole family was standing there, minus Edward. “John!” His tearful mother wailed, pulling him into a tight embrace “where have you been? Did you walk here? We’ve been out of our minds!”“Look at the state of you,” his dad said, pulling at John’s wet coat. John held his mum back, shocked that anyone even knew he was missing.

“Mary called and was frantic, we’ve been looking for you” his mum cried before John heard footsteps running down the stairs.“John!” John vertically pushed his mum off him to catch Edward, who flew at him from the third step up. “I’m so glad you’re okay” he was crying into John’s shoulder, holding him so tight John worried he would break a bone.“It’s almost 1am, anything could’ve happened, Susannah said from beside Edward. "I should call Mary and tell her, she’s worried sick too!”

John’s mind was reeling. He felt guilty for causing panic but glad he was finally home and with Edward. He felt whole again, like one complete person.

Edward was still crying but smiling as he pulled away and said “you need to change” before pulling him towards the stairs. “Is it okay?” Edward asked, pausing on the second step, hand held in John’s. Susannah looked at them and nodded with a smile. “I’m sorry,” she said “you won’t be separated ever again. You can’t be without each other, tonight has proved that.”

Edward ran up the stairs, pulling John behind him before slamming their bedroom door shut. “I was so worried,” Edward said, looking at John but before John could answer, Edward’s lips were on his. John’s brain couldn’t take anymore, everything was too much but as he melted into Edward, he didn’t care about anything else.

Edward pulled away and pulled off John’s coat. “You’re freezing” he mumbled before undoing his jeans. “I’m so glad to be home.” John told him “I missed you, Edward.”

“I missed you too,” Edward told him, peeling his t-shirt off of him.

“Mary said you can only do things with the person you love, ” John said, “but I love you.”

Edward met his eyes and smiled. “Get in bed” he ordered, “warm up.” John did as he was told and dived under the blankets, glad for the warmth. Edward joined him, his hand disappearing under the quilt. “I love you too” he whispered, kissing John’s lips again.“At least we know to keep it a secret now.” He smiled wickedly, his hand running up John’s thigh. John decided that everything he had to tell Edward could wait.