#V. 004 :: ᶠᵃᶫᶫ ˢᵉᵛᵉᶰ ᵗᶦᵐᵉˢ ⁻⁻ ˢᵗᵃᶰᵈ ᵘᵖ ᵉᶦᵍʰᵗ

[airplanecrushed-arch]

“can I sleep with you?” im crying at this thought

she’s alone**_!_**   there’s the smell of burning fuel,   a metallic taste of blood in her mouth,   footsteps just outside the limited outside her field of vision.   she trapped,   pinned beneath metal that had been in the air moments before.   then there’s the sound of yelling,   of mark,  of cristina,   of meredith,   but she can’t move,   can’t see where they are.   she tried to yell,   tried to get anyone’s attention.   it’s effort that goes unrewarded,   voice failing at anything above a loud whisper.   she’s alone!   fingers reached for the seat buckle that hung above her,   that should have been within her reach,   that was the only way she was going to make enough noise to be found.   she couldn’t quite reach it,   fingers barely brushed against the metal.   it moved further out of her reach as she strained.   trapped**_!_**   alone**_!_**   ...but then lexie woke up.   it’s her room,   her bed,   she’s warm beneath blankets.   she’s safe and yet she can’t shake the panic that was pressing against her chest,   that was keeping her from breathing evenly,   the tears that wetted her cheeks.   she tried to calm down,   to go back to sleep.   it was too dark,   too quiet,   too alone.   there’s a blanket tugged atound her shoulders as she stood outside her sister’s room.   she’s not entirely certain just how late it was,   whether or not meredith was even awake.   shaking hand knocked softly at a partially open door before her head poked through the gap.   **“**  hey uh,   meredith**_?_**  **”**   it’s a quiet voice as unsteady as the rest of her that breaks the silence of the room.   **“**  can i**—**  can i stay in here with you for a little bit**_?_**  **”**>>>**“**  i just,   i don’t think i can sleep by myself tonight.  **”**

@greyslegacy // nightmare meme !!

[airplanecrushed-a]

‘ you’re spilling milk all over the table. ’ *

meme // accepting !! // @royallyinbredit’s a little past three in the morning,   she couldn’t fall asleep,   a recurring theme in the younger grey’s life.   a bowl of cereal wasn’t going to fix that but it was a small distraction.   “  what?  ”   she wasn’t paying attention,   that much was obvious.   distracted from her distraction.   “   sh—    c r a p.    crapcrapcrap.  ”    carton of milk,   now mostly emptied between what was on the table and what had runoff onto the floor,   was quickly set down,   hand going from the carton to brushing hair back out of her face.   “  i—   i’ll clean up,   and uh—   go get more milk.  ”

[airplanecrushed]

tag drop!!

[airplanecrushed-arch]

“  if meredith sent you in here,   you---  ”  her head doesn’t lift from her hands as sharp words left her mouth.   sharp words that were softened slightly by the hoarseness of her voice.   “  you can turn around and tell her i don’t need a babysitter.   i’m fine. ”  

@doctcrisms​​ // starter call !!

[airplanecrushed-arch]

two hours and twenty minutes,   it’s how long the flight to san francisco would be,   it’s what was between her and sitting her boards.   “  i---   i don’t know if i can do this,  ”   uncertainty filled the shaky admittance,   eyes focused on the unpacked notes in front of her.   the other option meant at least twelve hours in a car,   and god did her back disagree with the thought of that.   “  i need to be able to do this.  ”

@mcstcamy // starter call !!

[airplanecrushed-arch]

a shaking hand ran though her hair,   frustration evident as lexie finally sat down.   “  i've done alright up to now.  ”

@neurogxd​ // starter call !! i wanna dance with somebody --- bootstraps

[airplanecrushed-arch]

it’s an empty gallery,   a surgery that was routine.   it’s the closest she’d been to operating in months.   “  arizona!  ”   it’s surprise that fell from her lips as the other entered the quiet room.   so,  maybe she wasn’t technically supposed to be up there,   but she’d definitely done worse before.   “  i have a physical therapy appointment in a bit,   but i just---  ”   she wanted things to feel a little more like normal,   or at least as close to normal as it could be stuck in a wheelchair,   not quite cleared to be back at work.   “  i haven’t been this close to a surgery in months,   not since...  ”   not since the last time she was the one the table.

@herheroics​ // starter call !!

[airplanecrushed-arch]

“  what?   no!!   no,   i---   i am not stressed.  ”   an unconvincing laugh tried to cover up the way her foot bounced against the floor the amount of snack food on the table with her notes told a completely different story.   “  i am the opposite of stressed,   i’m doing great.   i’m gonna nail these boards.   so what if i had to step away from surgery for a while---  ”   worded as if she had a choice,   like she hadn’t spent the past year and a half trying to find some kind of normalcy.   “  ---and now nearly all the attendings are hesitant to let me in the o.r. which means i am way behind on o.r. hours,  ”   quick worded rambles paused as she took a deep breath.   “  at least i got this whole studying part under control.  i’m fine.  ”   so maybe she was just the tiniest bit stressed.

@denoumenc // starter call !!

[airplanecrushed-arch]

bandage for the nonverbal meme

“  ‘m fine,   really.   i just—  ”  voice cut off as gauze was pressed against the source of the throbbing in her head.   it was stupid,   she was being stupid and she knew it.   pushing herself like she had been,   it wasn’t helping her get back to where she wanted to be.   “  i slipped,   not a big deal.  ”

@doctcrisms​ // accepting !!               bandage - patch them up when they get hurt.

[airplanecrushed-arch]

“What are you doing up? Come to bed.” (from mcstcamy)

“  i couldn’t fall asleep,   not a big deal.  ”    there’s a shrug as eyes pulled away from the journal in her hand.   she couldn’t get comfortable,   between her back bothering her and mind working in overdrive,   but god she was tired.   “  i just,   i’ll come back to bed in a minute,   right after this article,   ‘kay?  ”

@mcstcamy // accepting !!

[airplanecrushed-a]

look, i called you. you specifically.

meme // accepting !! // @defectivenightmares“  you’re sure?  ”   question rolled off her tongue before she had the chance to stop it,   nervous fingers tugged at the cuff of her sleeve.   this is what she had wanted for months,   a chance to be back in the o.r. for something more than a routine appendectomy,   more than just observing complex surgeries,   a chance to prove that she was really back.   it doesn’t stop her from worrying,   from over thinking.   “  i—   i haven’t done a surgery like this in over a year,   you sure you don’t want to just let jackson assist?  ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

❛ you are going to struggle , so you need to surround yourself with people you trust . ❜ -- atraumasurgeon

meme // accepting!! // @atraumasurgeonwho did she trust?   mark,  meredith,  derek,   cristina,   arizona;   she couldn’t talk to them about this,   not really.   they went through something out there too!   they still needed time to heal,   to piece themselves back together.   “  i’m already struggling,  ”   a truthful answer,   one that’s soft spoken.   she couldn’t lie to him.   “  and the people i’d normally trust,   most of them are struggling too.  i just—  ”   eyes drop,   looking anywhere that isn’t the concerned eyes looking back at her.   “  it’s a lot.   i—   i’m—-  ”   i’m a lot,   words don’t quite leave her lips,   her head shaking.   she couldn’t sleep through the night,   every night it was the same dream,   the same vivid recollection of days lost in the woods trapped under a plane,   and physically?   doing much of anything anything still hurt,   trying to stand,   to walk,   it wasn’t something she could do,   not on her own,  not yet.   “  i don’t want to—   i don’t want to burden anyone,   y’know?  ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

@stcrstvff​ // xxx [ sms → mark 💞  ] : mark i love you [ sms → mark 💞  ] : really i do [ sms → mark 💞  ] : but just [ sms → mark 💞  ] : how do you find me rubbing weird smelling cream into my legs even remotely attractive??

[airplanecrushed-a]

“If you didn’t just blink I would’ve sworn you were dead, that’s how sickly you’re looking. Go to bed, please!”

meme // accepting!! // @stcrstvff“  i—   i’m fine,  ”   they’re insistent words as tired eyes were rubbed harshly.   she’s  e x h a u s t e d  and she felt about as great as she looked.   but there’s five days,   nine hours,   and forty minutes until she sits her boards,   and just because she might be coming down with something doesn’t mean she’s about to stop her stressed studying.   fever,   headache,   sore throat,   general achiness,   it’s the  f l u  and she knows it.    rest,   hydration,   treating symptoms as they come,   it’s what she should be doing.   it’s not what she’s doing.   “  i need to finish studying,   i can sleep after i pass my boards.  ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

‘ there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. ’

meme // accepting!! // @stcrstvffthe statement earned a huff from lexie as she looked up at him from where she was laying,  her head rested against his chest as they laid on the couch.   “  i’d really just like to be at the  e n d  of the tunnel already,   for things to feel normal again.  ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

@alteredtales // sc. “  shut up,  ”   words harshly fall from a tired,   irritated expression.   “  because  i  s w e a r  if the next words out of your mouth are you asking me how i’m doing---  ”   words punctuated with a frustrated huff.   hands loosen their grip on wheels of her wheelchair,   a hand tangling it’s way in her hair.   it wasn’t fair to lash out at him like that,   part of her knows that.    god was it a struggle readjusting to being back,   even if she wasn’t working full shifts,   and she was constantly exhausted.   being asked the same question constantly,   telling everyone the same thing,   what they wanted to hear,   it wasn’t helping.   “  just---   it’s been a long day,   okay?  ”