#Vladcard was too angry to die and so was four thousand other souls

[staticymaticyyourlifeisatravesty]

*Sometime after 1475 in hell*

Satan: Yo, Luci, has Vlad Tepes showed up yet? He died like three months ago, and he's not heaven

Lucifer: What? No. He hasn't showed up at all, the fuck do you mean he isn't in heaven?

Satan: Yea, some angel was asking if we had him, because we didn't. There's also like an ungodly amount of souls missing aside from that one. I think there's like over four thousand souls that are also missing as well...

Lucifer: ....There's four thousand souls missing?

Satan: Yes.

Lucifer: Well, I guess we should see what's going down on the Mortal planes than....

_____

*Dracula doing as Dracula does and devouring his own people*

Lucifer: Ok, who the fuck allowed that to happen? Who the fuck green lit that? Who let Vlad Tepes turn into a goddamn Eldritch abomination??

Satan: I think the humans are calling it a vampire

Lucifer: A vampire? That's what that is? I'm sorry, that still doesn't answer my question of who in the seven layers of hell green lit that thing!!

Satan: We didn't. The blood choose for it happen.

Lucifer: The fuck do you mean the blood chose for it

Satan: Too many people died in one place, and Vlad was too angry to die.

Lucifer: .....God allowed this to happen didn't he? He fucking let this happen, didn't He, the fucking bastard