#WHAT DO I DO IF I DON'T GET INSTANT SEROTONIN??

[kelpiemomma]

Me chanting "you wrote something you enjoyed and other people enjoying it is a bonus" as I try to hype myself up enough to post the Akari centered halo submission fic

[mishkakagehishka]

Awughhbb

[love-toxin]

jump - cha hyun-su

a/n: sweet home is giving me serotonin for midterm season u know i had to do it <3

(cws: gn pronouns, minor sweet home s1 spoilers, suicidal reader + suicide attempts, puking, failed OD, trauma bonding, mild lewd mentions, omg they were neighbors, dark meet cute)

wc: 3.2k

August 1 - 2020

1410 - Cha Hyun-su.

Otherwise known as your unofficial, non blood-related, possibly-separated-at-birth-twin. Why? Because for a year and a half, you've been living as the official Green Home recluse. Now a second recluse has moved in right down the hall.

“Maybe we dedicate the fourteenth floor to up-and-coming college dropouts now.” You've heard that spoken under the breath of neighbours in the lobby, heard variations of it giggled between nosy ladies that have gotten too old to call it gossip. If they're resorting to gossip about two residents who have turned hikikomori, they're wasting their breath. Not much goes on in your apartment that anybody would want to gossip about.

As for Hyun-su? You're not sure. Sometimes you hear the tinny sounds of gunfire through his metal door. Other than that, nothing. So he games and eats ramyeon, and that's it? If it is, it's a little surprising. He doesn't look the type at first glance. In fact, he looks like he'd fit in with the popular guys you went to highschool with. The bulk box of instant noodles he ordered lies askew in the hallway, which you suppress the urge to kick as you walk by.

Your stomach rumbles. Wish I had the money to order ramen in bulk. Your life's savings jingles pathetically in your pocket: a few won scattered amongst pocket lint. The flickering of the lights overhead should be enough of a cue that you've fallen far in life. This apartment complex is a shithole, and aside from the odd cigarette or two you can snag from the convenience store there's really not much you get joy out of at this point. Food, sex, music, it's all the same. At least touching yourself is free. Not for much longer if I don't come up with rent next week. You absentmindedly kick a crumpled ball of paper down the hall. Unlucky as ever, your sandal goes flying with it, and tumbles right through the door and down the steps before you hear it hit the landing.

“Son a bitch,” You sigh under your breath, and with a moment of hesitation you hop along on one leg. No way are you gonna touch that filthy floor with your bare foot. Each step you take with help from the railing, and by the wall at the end of the landing lies your abandoned shoe–lying on its side like a piece of trash someone couldn't be bothered to throw away. You hop forward and wiggle your foot back into it, toes first. “Home sweet home.” You sigh sarcastically. Each step downstairs after that feels just as dooming as the last.

August 8 - 2020

I think I might have to die soon.

The blue-white glow of your phone screen is all the light you've seen for days. You missed the rent payment. Your application for an extended due date was denied. You're getting kicked out at the end of the month.

Am I in hell already?

A frustrated huff escapes you. Your phone clatters as it hits the wall, but if it's broken or not, you don't care enough to get up and check. What's the point in writing out your feelings if you aren't gonna survive long enough to reflect on them?

You pull the covers higher over your head. I'm doomed. The world is over. You stick your hand out from beneath the warm covers to reach the dial of your CD player, and turn it. Click. No power. They cut off your electricity already.

You fall asleep to the sounds of silence and your own breathing under the smothering covers.

August…something.

You kneel hunched over your toilet, expunging every ounce of fluid and bile from the hellish depths of your stomach. You've been puking for over an hour but there's still stuff coming out. With a loose, loud grunt you bury your knuckles into your stomach in a swift thud, forcing out one last expulsion of acid and chunks of food you probably ate ten years ago in the process. With a heave of laboured breath you sit back and slump against the cold tile wall of your bathroom.

Bad idea. If you work up the courage to try this again, you're sure as shit never using pills for it after this. You swear you could feel each one as they came back up for vengeance, the burn in your throat harkening to the amount of dry-swallowing and gagging it took to get them in there. You'd rather just jump out the fucking window at this point. Sorry to whoever has to clean up the mess.

A pass over your face only smudges the tears drooling down it. This is seriously pathetic. Your sniffles echo off the grimy tile like the chimes of a bell, they sound far-off but they hurt your ears with the vibration. Everything hurts. Your chapped lips burn and your stomach aches with every clench around empty air.

Can I just die now? Am I allowed to die? Your knees hit your chest and you sob your questions out to nobody. Nobody's here and nobody cares. If you weren't a coward, you would've jumped already. You would've jumped two weeks ago when you knew you didn't have the money. You would've-

Ching ching. The doorbell. Ching ching. Right now? Seriously?

Ching ching. Ching ching. Ching ching.

“I'm coming,” You rub your tears dry with an aggressive touch and get one last sniffle out. A single splash of cold water on your face in the sink is all you have a chance to do. Fucking landlord, probably. Probably looking for one last chance to hassle you about the money. Nobody wants to move here, it's easier to keep a tenant than find a new one–or maybe he wants to kick you out early. If that's the case, it'd be the icing on the cake for this absolutely wretched excuse for a life you've ruined.

Ching ching. Ching ching. Without bothering to check the doorbell monitor on your way by, you head for the door and reach out to brush the handle. It's only by sheer coincidence that you pause, and in a moment of clarity, bow your head to peek through the peephole before you turn the handle.

“What the shit-” The rug trips you up as your steps hustle backward, a yelp escaping you as your back hits the floor and you scramble up to sit and stare back at the door in horror. Whatever that was, it…it wasn't…

You swallow dryly. Your hands feel numb. You flick your gaze from the door to the handle and back again, watching with intent fear as whatever it is that's outside keeps ringing the doorbell until it stops. That's the moment the world itself goes quiet.

“I…hear you…”

Your heart itself ceases its erratic beat in that moment. The grin curling up at the creature's dark lips is palpable in its voice. That head of exposed, honeycomb-like brains that you spied through the peephole comes alive in the squishy, spongy sounds that emanate from the other side of your front door.

Bang.

A bulb-like protrusion explodes out from the metal, leaving behind a deep indent that will forever mark the spot where the monster tried to get in. Bang. Bang. Two more in succession show up in the squealing steel of your door. It's trying to get in. It's not going to stop until it does.

“I hear you!!” It shrieks in tandem with your terrified screams. “I hear you! I hear you!!” The cackling of its cracked voice burns holes through your palms and into your eardrums, your hands not nearly enough to block out the horrendous screeching of metal on metal. In a bid of panic, you scramble to your feet and away from the bending frame of your door. Your toenails scrabble against the carpet and nearly catch on the loose threads as you close the distance to the window. You left it open to let the stuffy air out, but now it's an escape hatch. A way out. Your palms grip cool metal as you raise yourself up to the sill and crouch on it on the soles of your feet, perched like a bird pre-flight as you look out into the mid-morning sky and back to your battered front door.

This is it. This is the last chance you'll ever have to look out into the world you're leaving behind. The sky is clear today, oranges and light pinks streaking across the scattered clouds and dissipating more as the sun creeps into the air. The breeze tastes cool and crisp on your tongue, a stark contrast to the warmth that the glow casts over your trembling body. God, I don't wanna jump after all. I just want to look at this view for just a little longer.

Fresh tears chill themselves against your skin in the breeze, but your last, wishful peace is broken by a sudden clang. Like something brittle thudding against a solid surface. The sound draws your head sideways in an instant. The wind whips your hair away to frame your distraction in perfect view, hanging halfway out of his window two doors down.

He stares at you with brown eyes, once blank, now deep with urgency and fear. Hyun-su has a broken mop in hand that he's since stopped smacking against the wall once he's got your attention. He swallows and you watch his adam's apple bob in his throat.

Sorry, I've got to die right now. Those words that you feel brimming at your lips fall silent as Hyun-su motions to you. But you just stare with glossy eyes and a pained smile, because what can he do? There's a monster breaking down your front door, and the last hinge is barely holding on. You want to mouth the words “I'm sorry”, but he suddenly disappears.

It's only a moment before you hear the banging. Like a door swinging open and shut on its squeaky hinges, the shunk shunk shunk shunk resonates through the whole complex and just about vibrates you off the sill entirely. But you cling on this time because the thuds and squealing at your door are growing softer. Soon, the noises stop altogether as you hear a screech and the heavy pattering of the creature's footsteps leading away. In just as much time as it took to decide to throw yourself off the fourteenth floor, you've been left in peace again.

It takes about a half hour before you're ready to move from your perch, to step down on the freezing floor and brace your shaking legs by leaning against the wall. You keep checking all day to see if Hyun-su reappears. You don't see a thing, save for the sunset that marks the dusk of a day you didn't think you'd ever survive.

August ??? - 2020

If Hyun-su comes back, I'll sleep with him. On my life. Or I'll kill him. I haven't decided, honestly.

Your phone's battery is almost dead, and the screw that holds the hinge is so loose it's practically flopping all over the place. It's gone from a flip phone to a flop phone, realistically. Without the internet or cell service, all it's good for is a brick to hold your thoughts inside. Maybe it'll be all that's left of you once you're gone.

Is Hyun-su dead? That thought has been cycling round your head like it's circling a drain for about a day. The more you think about it, the more sure you are that he must've led the monster away to try and draw it from your door. The brain monster hasn't come back since, but neither has Hyun-su. You've tried everything from calling him to aiming a mirror out your window to get a glimpse into his apartment, but nothing. And if you knock on his door and he's not there, what will you do?

You've laid in bed awake all night, and with your stomach growling painfully you sit with your back against the mangled front door and wait. Your eyes shut at the tenth hour of the morning. Come back, Hyun-su. Please come back. Why'd you save me just to leave me alone again? You better not have died for me. The thoughts give you distraction for a while, as long as a while could feasibly last in these circumstances…

Shu-unk.

What the fucking hell was that?

Shunk. Shunk. Shunk.

You blink awake and stagger up to your feet in a rushed scramble. In the distance, just barely audible, is a soft voice echoing off the walls of the empty corridor.

“1412?” You're tempted to press your ear to the door to hear it closer, but the myriad of dents and fist-sized creases left protruding from it don't exactly leave a lot of space for you to listen. “1412?” The sound that had startled you awake, you now realize, is the sound of doors quietly being opened and closed. You're tempted to disbelieve, but the low coolness of that voice desperately makes you want to believe it's Hyun-su. And as terrified as you are of guessing wrong and paying your life's price for it, your fingers shakily clasp the door handle and it turns with a click. The squeals of metal make way for harsh scraping as the ill-fitting door fights the pressure of your body weight as you put everything you have into forcing it open.

It passes the threshold and swings open. You stagger into the corridor and catch yourself on the door frame, your fingers scraping dented steel from the pounding it took at the hands of that monster.

It is. It's him. That soft jawline and those big, brown eyes, the mane of fluffy hair and his unkempt clothes splattered with blood. He stands there lean and awkward in the hallway, lanky and ruffled and looking like he's been through a good bit of hell. His mop handle's got an upgrade but you don't care, really. You just feel a well of happiness surge up inside you that you figured had completely disappeared by now.

Hyun-su hurries up to you. When he gets close, he falters, however. His expression dims as he suddenly seems unsure of himself, and fidgets with the newly-crafted spear that suddenly seems too heavy in his hands.

“Are you okay?” He pants. “The monster-”

“You led it away.”

“Yeah.” He nods. “But you're okay, right?”

“Mh.” Your ears burn a little. This is my saviour, huh? So soft-spoken and meek? “Didn't get me at all. Thank you.”

He nods back, his scruffy locks forming a curtail around his neck as he does so. An awkward silence blankets the empty space. It's broken, however, by a deep gurgling in the pit of your stomach.

“Are you hungry?”

You lay a hand over your stomach as if your touch is going to make it stop rumbling. It's pretty humbling, to say the least–you hadn't realized how weak you'd become on two days without food. Hyun-su doesn't wait for an answer; he reaches into his pocket and pulls out something crinkly and wrapped in foil. It's still warm when he places it in your palm, yet his fingertips carry a chill as they graze your skin in the process.

“You should eat. We need to get going.”

“Where?” Hyun-su points down the corridor, and despite his urging you slip the candy bar into your pocket while you peek out where he's indicating. The door is busted-up and boasts a reinforced exterior from the many bumps and scrapes of a wheelchair coming in and out. You know it well. “1408? Where Mr. Han lives?”

He nods. “There's kids there, and some other people. I, um…I was going to come earlier, but they-”

“I get it.” For the first time in a long time, you crack a smile. “Had to go play hero again, huh?” If he was willing to drive away a monster from a stranger's door by using himself as bait, you can only imagine what he must have gone through to save some poor kids in peril.

“N-No, I-”

“You're a good guy.” You pat him on the chest. “I don't know why a good guy like you came to live in a place like Green Home, but I'm glad you're here.” Hyun-su looks down on you with a raised brow, but his surprise melts slowly into gratitude as he adjusts to your playful jabs. There's not many other ways for you to cope in an absolutely bizarre situation as this.

“...I'm glad, too.”

“Yeah?”

Hyun-su tilts his head down. He's a little hesitant on meeting your eyes, even though you owe him so much. “I'm…glad you didn't jump.”

“Me too.” The sentiment slips out of you so easily. When did that happen? Wanting to live? “I'd be a pretty shitty damsel if I threw away my life after you saved it.”

In the wake of another, now less-awkward silence, you stroll ahead of him towards Mr. Han's apartment. You only glance over your shoulder to make sure he's following, and to quietly reassure yourself that he hasn't disappeared again. When you do, that's when he hustles along to catch up, the smallest of smiles peaking his lips.

“If..”

You turn to look at him beside you. You can't help but pay him your full attention when he speaks–he does it so little, and he's so quiet, you fear you might miss what he says.

“If you feel like you want to jump again..” He extends his hand out to you. Despite the callouses on his long, lithe fingers, his palm looks soft and even…inviting, in some strangely enticing way. “..You can hold my hand. I'll keep you from falling.”

“Oh.” Your feet halt in their tracks. The air feels a bit heavier than it did before–but only in the space that separates you from Hyun-su. His hand lingers there, and beneath the cuff of his sweater's sleeve you spot for the first time those scars. Cuts, slashes, deep and intentional down the length of his tanned skin. Intersecting lines that point towards a past of hurt and harm.

So you and I are the same. Have you now, finally, come to that thought that Hyun-su had when he saw you ready to jump out your window?

“...Yeah.”

You place your palm delicately over his. Your fingers slide together like ivy on a window. They clasp into each other, squeezing like the grip of a latch on a closed door. And you feel at peace for real this time, because from this moment on you won't ever get near a ledge again–not to take a step off, at least. But maybe to see another sunset if you manage to survive that long. A smile perks at your mouth at the thought. God, I hope so.

“Let's hang in there together. Promise.” You squeeze his hand, and he squeezes yours back. The two of you make your way towards the apartment. And when this door opens, it'll close behind you for good.

[iridescent-solstice]

Pst @graciebasie . . . remember Rockstar!Asra? Cause he def remembers you.

❝ Locked in the hotel There's some things that never change ❞

Sighing you lean forward on your elbows, watching intently as he sings. Standing behind the studio's glass window, you were tasked with adjusting and tweaking the audio ever so slightly when needed. That was your job. To make sure everything ran smoothly behind the scenes. So, Asra was absolutely perfect for his fans. Not like he wasn't that all on his own. You could see why the viewers kept requesting for this cover. The song Senorita in his normally soft and airy voice was already enough serotonin to provoke a heartattack . . . but when he adds an air of intimacy into the mix? Instant kill. No chance for recovery left . . .

The relationship between you two was strictly professional but even you couldn't deny the thousands of compliments his fans would spew in the comment section. And with the studio completely empty today as per his request. You could freely admire him without the fear of getting caught. Something something about feeling more at ease with just you by his side. Normally you'd be against it, but he was far too insistent this time, so you gave in. Just this once though. Usually, you’d be his side to give feedback and not behind the glass fiddling around with buttons, but today the camera was turned on. Unfortunately, it was only a few feet away from you. Turned towards Asra so there'd be no chance of any eye contact. Not even accidental. He wasn't a fan of staring directly into the camera or even in its general direction.

❝ You say we're just friends But friends don't know the way you taste, la-la-la ❞

Stunning. Is the only adjective that would do justice when Asra’s like this. Always in a world of his own when he’s singing. He really is passionate about his craft, and it definitely shows.

An angel. That’s what he looked like, well he always did, but especially under the ambient lighting you choose today. His golden-brown skin glitters as the light bounces off his thick golden choker. His fluffy white hair messy yet stylish in a way only he can manage to pull off. Not to mention the way he grips his guitar while rocking his hips every now and then. He must be aware of what he's doing. There's no other reason he'd be grinning to himself as he sang if he wasn't. In a good mood, you note. Whatever he's thinking about must be exciting because he can't stop smiling to himself. His dimples even more prominent due to the halo effect behind him. His signature baggy white shirt is rolled up at the sleeves leaving his arms exposed for everyone's viewing pleasure. Biceps flexing every now and then, while one slender hand grips the base of the guitar as the other skilfully toys with the strings.

You flinch when he suddenly turns towards you. Scrambling, you look down at the soundboard. Did you miss a lighting cue? Highly unlikely, but then again . . . You have been extremely distracted today. However, that didn’t seem to be the case at all. So confused you glance back only to be hit with a sight for sore eyes. His paralysing hypnotic eyes locked onto you make you freeze like a deer caught in headlights. Furrowing your brows you make a questioning expression as if to ask what's wrong. Confusion only growing when he continues to sing as if he's not acting extremely out of character. It's only when his eyelashes flutter sinfully, a grin twitching at his lips while he tilts his head back with a low lidded stare that you realise what's going on . . . He's singing to you.

❝ Ooh, I should be runnin' but Ooh, you keep me coming to ya ❞

[ ᴅɪᴠɪᴅᴇʀꜱ ʙʏ: @kodaswrld ]

This drabble had me in a chokehold. I hope I did the concept justice!

[aclowntiny]

May the Flirts Be With You- Seonghwa x Female!Cosplayer!Reader

It adds years to my life as a massive Star Wars nerd that a member of one of my ult groups is one too 🫶🏻 him making a May the 4th post = instant serotonin. It's 3 weeks late, but here's a corny little fun post for SW Day 😁

Word Count: 2394 | Conventions, Nerds to Lovers lmao, that trope I've accidentally created where Yeosang plays cupid | Warnings: the con is really generic because I didn't want to rip anything real off too much & have it be something they couldn't go to lmao, plus that way I could make other popular sci-fi references >:3

“Isn’t the cloak a bit much?”

"Come on," Seonghwa half-jokingly whined, "you said you were going to appreciate everything."

Yeosang had joined him at a sci-fi convention, something Seonghwa had always dreamed of attending. Artists sat at tables showing their amazing creations, groups of friends and family took pictures with signs and props, and of course the place was flooded with cosplayers and merch. They'd even passed by the 501st Legion.

"I do," Yeosang assured him, nodding towards an artist table stocked with hyperrealistic head sketches of the classic Star Trek cast, "like look at those. I don't even watch the show and I kind of want one."

"That's why they say these cons are so expensive, like look over there!" Seonghwa pointed eyes widening. "There's a guy selling discontinued Star Wars lego sets!"

"Oh, boy," Yeosang muttered, but with a smile as his hyung dragged him over to the man's table, where he started eagerly digging in, that childlike wonder Yeosang knew so well starring his eyes.

"This is a fun little ship," Yeosang commented, picking up a small packet, "I like the yellow."

Seonghwa turned, then gave a nod. "The Naboo Starfighter! That is cute, you should get it for your shelf."

"You know what, maybe I will."

"That's the spirit! As for me, I'm between the AT-TE and the TIE Advanced set."

"Go with the cheaper one."

Seonghwa stuck his tongue out at Yeosang, who mirrored the gesture, then giggled in spite of himself. He wasn't the only one who made the sound, though; Seonghwa swiveled around, ready to greet another lego enthusiast, but what he saw had his fingers involuntarily loosening, almost sending the (slightly overpriced, in his opinion) AT-TE set tumbling back onto the red-and-black tablecloth.

It was a girl, a young woman about his age, dressed head-to-toe in a perfect Princess Leia cosplay. And not the classic white outfit, but the Bespin gown and cape.

You made the red outfit look classically beautiful, and whether it was all your hair or some sort of wig or extensions, you'd braided it just right, the loops falling back and at each side of your face, which was focused on Seonghwa with a smile.

"Oh, sorry, you two were just funny. You look like a Jedi and his padawan having a spat."

Seonghwa tore his eyes off of you long enough to regard Yeosang. "I told you I looked like a Jedi!"

"You sure do," you added, tilting your head toward the boxes in his hands, "what are you looking at getting there?"

Seonghwa shakily lowered the AT-TE back to the table. "Oh, well, I think I'm going with the TIE Advanced set."

"Good choice," you loudly whispered, leaning a bit closer, "355 to that one's 794. A little under half the pieces, but a quarter of the price."

"That's what I thought, like the TIE is way more iconic too, sorry Battle of Utapau."

"Yeah, I'm more into the OG movies myself."

He nodded toward your cosplay. "I see that. Did you make that yourself, or buy the pieces?"

"Oh, no, I made this."

Seonghwa feels his jaw drop, warmth pooling in his chest at the way you giggle again, this time at his expression, which rises from shock to a wide, awed grin. "You- you really? How do you do it? How long does it take? One of my roommates just customizes regular clothes and it seems like he can spend hours."

"Oh, yeah, hours is about right," you chuckle, "but it feels like the hardest part is finding the right fabrics sometimes, like these thicker ones aren't at every fabric store."

"Yeah, you really sound like my friend," Seonghwa jokes, "but you look way better."

He flushes the moment the words leave his mouth, immediately stuttering backtracks. "Well, um, that is, I mean, he doesn't do cosplay, more just like paint and cutting stuff up and-"

"Don't worry, you wouldn't believe how many creeps have told me I should have gone with the slave look," your voice cuts into his ramble, "I'm not offended. I actually appreciate it, um...what was your name again?"

"Oh," he lit up, "Seonghwa. This is my first convention."

Introducing yourself, you smiled and waved a hand at the legos he paused the conversation to purchase. "And it looks like you're getting something out of it already."

"More clutter for his room," Yeosang supplied.

You laughed. "You don't want to see mine, then. Besides, I can't help but notice you bought a ship too."

"A tiny one!" Yeosang sheepishly defended himself, quickly laughing at the m-hm sound you made.

"That's how it starts. Get him addicted, Seonghwa."

He nodded. "I'm trying."

"That's the spirit," you said with a mischievous grin.

Seonghwa nodded, then felt his eyes start to lose focus from looking at your own. "Er, well, we'll see you around, (y/n)!" He waved, starting to turn and walk away with Yeosang, who immediately shoved him.

"Whoa, what's that for?"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Getting back to the convention?"

"Don't you think you should talk to her?"

"What, and follow her around like a weirdo?"

"No," Yeosang fought, "invite her to go check out the voice acting stall or build your legos together or at least just take a picture with her to remember her by if you're too scared to do anything else."

Seonghwa frowned slightly. "I'm not scared."

"Ok," his long-haired friend shrugged, "then prove it."

"I will," he said with a satisfied smile as he turned on his heels, heading back for you.

"Oh, hey, (y/n)?"

You turned around too, white cape billowing around you like angel wings. He swallowed, trying not to stare too hard.

"Can we take a picture? I- I haven't really gotten many pictures with cosplayers, and-"

"Sure!" Smiling brightly, you accepted his proffered phone, taking a couple selfies that left Seonghwa feeling like a boiled lobster, he must be so red. He wasn't expecting you to put your arm around him, but he sure wouldn't complain, either. You also had Yeosang take a few head-to-toe ones so you could see your full outfits and the poses you guys did.

By the time you were done, you both were laughing, especially at one selfie you caught of all three of you where both you and Seonghwa posed and Yeosang just had the most confused expression. In another, you reached behind you to the book stall, each picking one up to pretend to read. Seonghwa made a shocked face at James Luceno's Tarkin, Yeosang mimed intense focus on Timothy Zahn's The Icarus Hunt, and you pretended to laugh at the bowl of petunias in Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"Well, thanks!" Seonghwa exclaimed after your photoshoot, trailing off before Yeosang elbowed him from behind. "Er, well, I was wondering if you are on any social media for your cosplays?"

"Yup," you nodded, closing out your Photos app with a smile at all the new shots of you guys that had been added to your phone and sliding over to instagram, "Here's where I post a lot of my photos, but if you want to see anything more in-depth or show your fashion designing friend, I can give you my youtube."

Wow... "You have a cosplay youtube? That's so cool! I bet it's a lot of fun!"

"Sure, it's where I track progress, share my processes, and do hauls and stuff too. Oh, and these guys," you shook the box of lego you'd bought at the stall that introduced you, "will get built on there, too. Hey, would you wanna be in a video?"

This time, no elbowing was required. "On your channel? Yes, of course! We could build our legos," Seonghwa replied, feeling excitement rush to his face as he strolled past a life-size Dalek, fingers reaching out to gently brush the smooth dome atop the metal structure.

"For one, yes," you said, a hand reaching up to straighten your Leia braids, "but how would you feel about modeling a legit cosplay?"

His eyes flew open. "You'd make me a whole outfit?"

"Well, I need practice doing men's fits too," you giggled, swerving around a couple dressed as Zoë and Wash from Firefly, "and you have, like, perfect proportions."

Seonghwa's mouth opened and closed a few times, but he didn't know what to say to that. You didn't say any more, either, your interest suddenly captured by a stall selling Padme-inspired jewelry, including one thick silver choker that honestly captured Seonghwa's eyes too...

"So, uh, would you be interested?" You glanced back and forth between the stall and Seonghwa, the way your eyes peered up at him involuntarily raising the corners of his lips.

"As long as my outfit is as pretty as yours."

~

"Everyone's commenting asking if you're a professional model," you giggle at Seonghwa, glancing up at your phone as you hand him the bright orange brick separator.

He pries apart two misplaced lego pieces before meeting your eyes. "Me?"

"Yes, you," you fire back, closing your phone and leaning a bit closer, scanning first Seonghwa's progress, then his face, "have you seen yourself?"

Heat creeps back into his cheeks. "Yes, but I've seen you, too, so I know they should be asking that about you, not me."

"Wow, that was really smooth. No wonder I dressed you up as Lando," you grin, resting your chin on your hand.

Seonghwa just gazed into your eyes with a fond smile. That had been a long, but amazing, process as you got measurements, pinned him still until he was stiff all over, but put hours of work into detailing a masterpiece, complete with a cape of his very own. All the standing around was so worth it to feel the way your hands gently grazed his sides, to hear you laugh at his little comments and even feel it against his neck when you were working on his shoulders, to always make sure you were stopping to take care of yourself, too, and hear how grateful you were when he reminded you you were doing amazing, no need to push yourself. Watching the transformation, your busy hands at work, getting to embody a piece of the universe he loved so much, all of it made for some of the best weeks Seonghwa had had in a long time.

"That was fun," he commented, attaching two more pieces to the wing of the ship he was building.

"Yeah," you agreed, "especially when you almost kissed me."

Seonghwa reddened, stiffening and lowering the wing in his hand slightly.

It had happened one of the last times you'd met up when you were attaching his cape, hands on his shoulders. He'd relaxed too much, falling into watching you work with dazed eyes, dreaming of leaning in, and then you pulled a little too hard, sending him surging forward, his face almost crashing into yours. He'd managed to catch himself just in time and you'd edited that part out of the fitting video of course, but that moment, your awkward but thrilling almost-kiss, had been living rent-free in Seonghwa's mind ever since then. A part of him wished he'd just managed to fall all the way, but that also wasn't how he wanted your first kiss to go. If you liked him back, which Yeosang and Hongjoong insisted you did. Hongjoong had even taken to texting him 'May the flirts be with you' before he went to your studio, which strangely had encouraged him on a couple occasions to just say the compliment or to brush your hands a little when he handed you supplies or made sure you had water.

"I'm so sorry about that, I really was just clumsy and-"

"It's all right," you smirked faintly, putting the constructed cockpit in your hands down, "I was ready for it."

Seonghwa's brows furrowed as he fully set the wing down. "You... you..."

"Wait, I'm sorry, did I read things wrong? I thought we were flirting. But if not, I'm so sorry! I'm not good at this," you confessed, "you know what they say about nerds and all."

Any and all dissatisfaction about Hongjoong being right dissipated into the great sparkly abyss of joy rising and thudding out of Seonghwa's chest because holy cow, the super cool girl who makes Star Wars outfits and builds lego with him and doesn't laugh at his ASMR is interested in them? Sure, let him and Yeosang rub it in Seonghwa's face. He'd endure anything if it meant getting closer to you.

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, either," he chuckled, grin widening by the second, "but yes, I was. My roommate even started texting me to hype me up before I visited you, look!"

He showed you the text, which was followed by a gif of Han Solo and a whole bunch of teasing ㅋㅋㅋㅋ.

"I was worried you were going to see all the youtube comments teasing me about my obvious crush on you or how cute we were together!"

His eyes widened again. "So you have an obvious crush on me?"

"Seonghwa," you folded your arms, "you don't exactly want someone to kiss you because they're like a brother to you."

"Right, right, sorry, it's just so hard to believe a real-life space princess like you is interested in a lowly smuggler like myself."

"Ok," you snorted, "that was corny."

"I was trying to be corny."

"Good," you tease, leaning in closer until your nose is almost brushing his, "I like corny."

"That's why you like Attack of the Clones. It's the dialogue."

"It's the childhood appeal and you know it! I always say they got a little confident in their millions with some of the writing, but something in it really captured a youth vibe. It's like what they did in Twilight, but better because of the rest of the worlds happening around it-" You rambled, distracted by Seonghwa's claim.

Seonghwa, meanwhile, could only stare at your animated gesticulating and think how you're most definitely the girl of his dreams. "Ok, seriously, please kiss me."

“Alright, but we’re definitely doing the cape yank next time,” you comment as you lean in, letting Seonghwa take one of your hands, the other pulling you in softly by your cheek until your lips met.

[calmcoldevening]

♡ Slashers as drinks ♡

Michael Myers — Water

• Firstly, it is good for the body (Michael can also be useful, yes)

• Secondly, if you replace many harmful drinks with water, your life will become much better. Well, if you spend more time with Michael, your life will get a little better (hey, he will kill all the people who somehow offend you, he will save your life from "bad drinks")

• Water is so delicious when you don't drink for several hours in a row. Seriously. Especially after some training. And so you come home after a long day, and you are greeted by this miracle (yeah, very friendly, especially with his emotionality) and you spend the whole evening together. Cute.

• Just, if you love Michael (I do), drink more water. And you will support Michael, and your body will thank you :)

Jason Voorhees — Morse

• It's sweet.

• It's delicious.

• This is useful, especially if it is at home.

• Well, just look at this adorable bun, it's impossible not to love it! It is so sweet and refreshing, like a delicious fruit drink made from fresh summer berries! It's like I'm back at camp again.

Bubba Sawyer — Cocoa with marshmallow

• Brighten up any of your cold evening with his warm, pleasant company.

• You, him and a warm blanket on the sofa in front of the fireplace, what could be better?

• This man has the most tremulous and loving hugs. His big plush body is literally created for pleasant, gentle hugs. And take another ginger cookie for both of you, and it will be the best evening of your lives.

• Cocoa will help you relax after a long chase after victims and dragging a heavy chainsaw. Bubba's tense body begs for such a pleasant rest.

Thomas Hewitt — Hot chocolate

• Like hot chocolate, it is very sweet and pleasant. Warms the throat and soul and all that.

• God, have you seen this divine man? I'm ready to kiss it all, it's the sweetest chocolate in the world.

• Lyude-Mae, thank you for raising such an incredible boy.

• Chocolate improves brain function and increases dopamine levels in the brain, isn't that a sign? In addition, the touch of another person produces dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, which lift the mood and increase resistance to stress. Hugs?

Stu Matcher/Billy Loomis — Vodka

• Can I not comment on this..?

Vincent Sinclair — Milkshake (your favorite flavor)

• Oh, yes.

• Milkshake is especially good in the heat. A little cream, your favorite ice cream and some fresh berries (you can do without them) and voila, it turns out such a yummy.

• You can freeze and get ice cream. Multifunctional boy.

• If you start drinking, the cocktail ends in an instant, and then you want more and more... This boy is addictive.

• But he's so sweet...

Bo Sinclair — Pomegranate juice

• I just don't like pomegranate juice. But it's useful. Bo, what's the use of you? (Sorry if you like him)

Lester Sinclair — Mineral water

• Simple and tasteful.

• Lester is really like a mineral water. In a difficult moment, he will always offer his friendly shoulder so that you can lean on or cry.

• The best thing you'll find with a hangover...

• Quenches thirst better than sweet soda.

• If you add syrup to it, you will get a sweet fruit lemonade. This boy will help in all cases of life.

Pyramid head - Green tea

• Many people don't like it (for example, my dad), but if you try this divine drink, you won't be able to drink something else.

• Pyra is truly a gift to the universe!

• Improves well-being, skin condition, accelerates metabolism, improves mood and the name system... I can go on for a long time.

• Delicious both hot and cold (But the Pyramid head one is always hot as Hell...)

• This man is addictive.

John Kramer — Lemonade

• Simple and tasteful.

• You won't find a better alternative for the holidays.

• It's delicious. It's beautiful. This is always relevant. Eternal classics.

• With what other drink do you get to know the essence of this life?

• Chilled lemonade with ice cubes and mint...

Amanda Young — Red wine

• Oh, this baby is the best.

• Improves sleep. Any time spent with this goddess is fine, but sleep is especially good. Next to Amanda, you will only have sweet, pleasant dreams! Maybe even smut... I assure you, sleeping with her is a pleasure.

• Useful for pressure. If Amanda is around, your heart starts beating wildly in a chaotic dance, and the blood rises to your pale cheeks until this moment. Now you don't look so tired, right?

• Hugs and kisses with this gorgeous woman are like Paradise, so it's quite possible to say that she herself tastes like good wine.

Mark Hoffman — Black coffee

• He took my heart.

• No sugar is needed to taste this man.

• At first it seems bitter and nasty, but... Hey, pour me another cup, please?

• It's fucking addictive, and after a while you just won't be able to drink coffee with sugar.

• Where to sign to sell your soul to the Devil? I just want to drink this coffee forever (and have Hoffman forever, ahem)

• As black as his soul.

• Bitter, but delicious in its own way and damn sweet.

• For connoisseurs of true art and something truly beautiful.

Brahms Heelshire — Milk

• Baby Brahmsey.

• Helps you fall asleep. This man will ask for a bedtime story and a kiss before going to bed... And then he will throw you on the bed and ask you to fall asleep with him.

• You know, it's good for the throat if you're sick.

• Milk reminds of childhood ...

• Sometimes milk is nasty and Brahms too. If your mood is more towards tea than coffee, drink tea. Brahms will get mad and calm down. And after that there will be time for hugs.

Hannibal Lecter — Cognac

• This man is good.

• After his appearance in my life, I decided to connect my life with psychology and helping others (and after Kramer's appearance, of course).

• Always good. Especially if you are some kind of boss or a serious person, you should have cognac. In the movies, it looks like a success.

• This man understands exquisite things and looks so great all the time... Really cognac, there is no other way.

• Will support you on a lonely night and cheer you up when you meet some of your friend.

Will Graham — Black tea with milk/cream

• This is... Cute?

• My cousin had a grandmother, she always made me such tea. It evokes a feeling of nostalgia and comfort, as if I am back in childhood.

• This is the most comfortable character for me! So warm, sweet, sweet and pleasant ...

• It's unusual, especially if you try it for the first time, but it's delicious, I assure you.

• A combination of classic harsh tea and something soft and kind from childhood, Will is really the best.

• I want to get to know Will by sight. I want to hug him. I want to be him, okay?

[a-canceled-stamp]

20 Questions for Writers

Thank you @motleyfam, @crows-murder and @selkienight60 for the tags! ^.^

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

157,488

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly DC, but Star Wars, Marvel, Malevolent (Podcast), Good Omens, and MHA make appearances too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River)

Then Came the Morning

A Leap of Faith

Talk To Me

There Are Softer Oak Trees

5. Do you respond to comments?

I used to respond to every comment fairly quickly but recently I just haven't had the time :(( I appreciate every single comment though, they bring me such joy 🥹

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be cardboard box - the first (sort of) hurt no comfort I've written >:D

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably There Are Softer Oak Trees :)))

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do!!!! Or...I'm giving it a shot at least. Not for DC, but for Malevolent. Might post something real soon :3

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I didn't even know this was a thing before today. That being said, I don't think so??

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would love to collab sometime :3

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I cannot pick one because I don't really have A favorite. But Stucky (Marvel), DinLuke (Star Wars), Merthur (Merlin), SuperBat (DC), TimKon (DC) and Science Girlfriends (Orphan Black) are all ships I enjoy.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Dying Is Easy, Living Is Harder. I have many ideas for it but unfortunately, I'm not obsessed enough about the characters to fulfill them lmao. Also An Unexpected Visit bc similar to the previous one I have a lot of ideas, but I just don't think I am talented enough to actually write those ideas.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've rewritten this answer 10 times, but no version felt right. At one point, I decided I was just gonna skip it. BUT NO. I'm gonna stop worrying about other peepz opinions and just say what I actually believe. And here it is.

I know how to make my writing more immersive with various details like sounds, smells, sensations etc. (and I LOVE doing this. The only issue is I sometimes do it either too much or too little ahdjkhsd)

I am VERY nitpicky. This can seem more like a flaw (and it is), but it has also helped me grow and understand what I like and dislike about my writing. It also means I spend a lot of time editing which makes posting SO much more satisfying (tho sometimes I gotta get those shorter fics out there for the instant serotonin boost lol)

I'm not a huge fan of characters who say/do things that don't make sense considering the genre/plot. Spending more time on this is challenging since I both dislike and SUCK at writing dialogue (why is English so HARD??), but it is also a lot of fun bc I think I am getting better at it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well, that part about being nitpicky is obviously a lie bc I didn't realize question 17 was gone ahdjshdkj. But I was the one who noticed it first among my friends so...maybe? Nope lol

English grammar. I have to double check every time I write a message to online friends to make sure what I've written is actually a sentence that makes sense.The thing is - I think I'm pretty good, but I actually suck. One time, I wrote mold wine instead of mulled wine in a fic. Never living that down. This is I think why it takes me so long to edit lmao.

Being too harsh on myself and not allowing myself to feel proud about my accomplishments/comparing my writing to other people. Yes, compared to other fantastic writers I suck, and it will always be like that. It's something I'm still struggling to accept, but I'm getting there!

Writing quickly. Like shutting off my brain and just writing doesn't work for me. I have to be there and edit every single sentence that I don't like, and I think this is why it takes so long for me to finish the first draft. Def gotta work on this!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hmm. Instinctively, I think it makes more sense to write something like, "Person A said something in a language I didn't understand" than to write in that language. It's more fun that way. And if both the pov character and I don't understand what Person A saying it makes me sympathize with the pov character more.

That being said, if I ever see someone writing in Swedish in a fic, I will be immensely happy (and horrified)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Rise of the Guardians on ffn. The fic is still there and is still hot garbage, but I did have a lot of fun writing it.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

I know what my LEAST favorite one is hjkahdsjk. Nah but for real, I love all my fics for very specific reasons. Like I have a sort of emotional connection with all of them depending on where I was in life, how I was feeling emotionally at the time, etc.

My top 3 would probably be Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River) bc it was the first fic I put a lot of thought and effort into, There Are Softer Oak Trees bc it makes me soft and fuzzy when I think about it, and cardboard box bc the comments made me fkn cackle.

It feels impossible to tag people who haven't been tagged yet but imma go with @miles2g0, @lurkinglurkerwholurks, @they-reap-what-we-sow, @liverobinreaction, and @bonesbuckleup. No pressure ofc!

[ilyxxnsm]

True Love 05

| is true love supposed to hurt like this?

warning: domestic violence, toxicity. don't judge. smut. reader's body type briefly mentioned. reader's ethnicity's not mentioned, but she's light skinned to white. mental health mentioned (medication, depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc). implied self harm (skin pinching, nail biting, scratching, hair pulling). of course physical abuse (hair pulling, slapping, pinching, punching, he breaks bones be fr, hickeys and bite marks??). drug dealer yoongi. everything against reader. reader's 17, yoongi's 23. this is fucked up, like really fucked up.

| and because of you I don't even trust the wind, i question even my merit, my success, who I am, what I deserve, what I gain, what I lose, what i buy, what i sell, what i eat, even my funeral expenses...

It's been a month since Yoongi left you in the hospital to rot by yourself, and you feel worse than you've ever been, even if your wounds already healed.

You had to come back to your apartment since he changed to locks of his, and you've been surviving out of water, snacks and instant soups every two days, no need to say you're a walking dead. Nights are the moments where dread, anxiety and nostalgia have a meeting in your head to torture you, and without the sunlight giving you some serotonin, you're afraid of yourself, of what you could be capable of doing.

Your head hurts and you just can't stop thinking about him, you feel like you're gonna start pulling your hair out of your scalp if you don't stop, just like last night, you need fresh air. You get up and leave your apartment and start walking in the middle of the empty streets, your head empty and your heart aching for him. You must look crazy since it's like 10 degrees outside and you're wearing just his hoodie, pajama shorts and some old UGGs, like a crazy homeless junkie. You walk down the empty streets, looking at your feet, feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. How can you love someone who's as toxic as him, someone as violent and aggressive as him, someone who wouldn't hesitate to punch your face the instant he gets mad. You don't understand yourself, you hate yourself for being like this, the only one you can blame in this situation is yourself. Not him, he'll never be wrong, you'll never be able to hate him.

You walk for what it seems like hours, and you don't notice but you're almost at the other side of town. The air is so cold and lonely and dry that makes your skin and nose dry, you're not even able to take care of yourself now, like a stupid three year old kid, and you fucking hate it. You suddenly realize your surroundings and you're near his studio, somehow, you already know he's there. He's always locked up in his studio, working almost insanely on his music. You remember the nights you both stayed there until the sun came out, he loses track of time when he's inside, and you remember how he said he never picked up the calls when he was working, unless it was your name on the ID call. You wonder if you should go see him, what if he closes the door on your face as soon as he sees you, what if he gets mad and hurts you again. Or maybe he's been missing you too and wants to take you back, but you know he's too proud to take the first step.

You look at the building of his studio from the street in front, it's 4 am and you can see the lights from his studio windows, the ones that you always saw glowing red on the nights you would wait there for him to finish working. The memories of those nights make you shiver, remembering how you'd lay on the couch, listening to his breathing while he worked and smoked with the headphones on. He always said he worked better feeling you next to him, it didn't matter if you spoke or not, as long as you were breathing next to him. As you take the elevator to the floor of the studio, you look down on yourself and realize you probably look like you've been dragged behind a car, you try to fix your messy hair, but you give up and just end up knocking on the door, feeling your legs tremble as you wait for him to open. You know the password of the keypad, but you don't wanna walk inside just like that.

After a few seconds he opens the door with a tired expression, as soon as he sees it's you, his eyes widen and he looks shocked. He's wearing nothing but a pair of oversized black sweatpants and a baggy grey t-shirt, looking pale as usual, the red rings under his eyes makes it obvious he hasn't slept in days. He looks like he didn't even shower in days, it's clear all he does is work, sleep and probably eat cup noodles. He looks at you from head to toe before speaking. "How the fuck are you here?" He growls, pushing you inside and closing the door behind you. He knows you don't have a car and there are no taxis at this hour, so that means you walked almost an hour to come here, and that's insane for someone as weak as you. "It's 0 degrees outside and you're wearing that?" He scoffs, throwing a black blanket at you, you remember you used it as a pillow the nights you both stayed here.

He pushes you to sit on the black leather couch in the corner of the room and kneels on the floor in front of you, making you spread your legs so he can sit between them and take a look at you. You wince when he grabs your leg, his grip tight enough that it's gonna leave his fingerprints bruised in your skin. "Why are you here?" He asks, making you bite your lip and wanna cry, you missed him so much, you missed the manhandling and mistreatment. "I just wanted to see you" You mumble, your small hand reaching to hold his that's on your thigh, feeling his slender, long and calloused fingers. You can hear the faint melody of a song coming from his headphones on his desk, Cubase open on his screen. He makes you so nervous, but so safe, like the pain is a reminder of his presence. It's been a whole month and you're touch starved, you would kill to have him back.

He looks at you without saying anything, his eyes roaming through your body, his hands grabbing your legs as if he's searching for something under your skin. He notices the red spots on your arms, hands and legs, you've been pinching and scratching your skin out of anxiety, even biting your hair, he can tell from your wet and broken ends that look like they were munched by a cow. He looks at you for a few seconds and lets out a dry chuckle, rubbing the corner of his mouth with his thumb. "Is that my hoodie?" He asks, tugging on the soft fabric that drowns you. You nod, your hand searching for his again, holding his wrist to keep it against your thigh. "I miss you" You say in a muffled whisper, watching his feline eyes stare up at you with an unreadable emotion, you never understood him completely. You don't wanna be alone again, you wanna stop taking those stupid antidepressants that don't seem to work anymore, you don't wanna be alone in your bed tonight. You want him back, and everything that comes with him.

He keeps staring at you, his hand slowly tightening up on your thigh until it start hurting. You notice the way his Adam's apple goes up and down when he swallows, his gaze is almost feral and you shiver under it. You can feel the electricity on your skin when he's too close and it's so familiar it's almost painful. He looks at the expression on your face, and suddenly stands up, towering in front of you, his tall frame blocking the desk light and casting a dark shadow over you. His long slender fingers find their way around your jaw, forcing you to look at him with a grip that's firm enough to make you shiver. "Why did you come here, huh? Did you come here to beg your man to take you back?" He asks in a cold, almost mocking tone, his grip on your jaw tightening as he makes you look up at him.

He leans closer to you, his other hand grabbing your leg and forcing it to wrap around his waist, the cold metal of his ring against your skin. He's so much taller than you, you feel enveloped in his presence. You feel his breath close to your face and it makes you bite your lip to stop a whimper from coming out. His sharp, feline eyes staring down at you, his hand sliding to your neck, grabbing it so you stay still. "I know how much you miss me" He growls, squeezing your skin making you wince. "You're such a masochist, coming back knowing I could break your pretty neck" He lets out a low chuckle, his grip making you a bit dizzy, you gasp for air. "Look at you, you don't even fight back"

You feel yourself melt under his touch, you've been craving this for weeks, the smell of smoke and aftershave, the roughness of his hands and the cold of his rings. Feeling his breath on your face after so long, having his eyes glued on you. His tall frame towering over you, you're drowning in his presence. "Please, I miss you" You whisper as he releases your neck from his grip so you can breathe again. "I love you" You say as he turns around casually, holding on to his arm and trying to make him look at you. "Please, take me back, I'll be better..." You beg, almost crying, you're so desperate for him, for his attention, for his rough kisses, for him. You don't even care if you're giving him an ego boost or giving him a green flag to keep treating you the way he does, you just want him to take you back.

He turns back to look at you, a smirk appearing on his face as he looks at the way you're holding onto him like a lost puppy. He chuckles, a deep sound that rumbles through his chest. He turns around to look at you again and grabs your face in his big hands, his face close to yours. He looks straight in your eyes and there's a hint of a smirk in his expression. "You're so beautiful" He whispers, his thumb stroking your face, leaving a trail of fire behind. His hand tangles in your hair before giving it a harsh pull, your scalp burning, you gasp and whimper, but don't pull away. "I love you..." You whisper as he grabs your neck again and squeezes, now tighter, making you see stars. "I love you" You choke out, your face turning pink from the lack of oxygen, he can't believe how submissive you are. He lets go of you after a few seconds and you stumble back, feeling your throat aching as you cough and gasp for air.

He sits down on the black leather couch, sitting back and spreading his leg as he stares up at you with a smug expression. "Come here" He says with a deep voice, pointing to the spot between his legs, like he's calling a dog. You quickly obey and go stand between his legs, your hands holding on to the couch to steady yourself as he grabs your hips and pulls you closer, making you sit on his lap, straddling him. He lets you settle and you start to relax a bit, your body pressing against his hard frame. You cling to his body like a lost child who just found her father, feeling so safe in his arms. He chuckles, brushing a few messy curls away from your face and caressing your face roughly, he's never been the gentle type, everything he does is aggressive, sharp. You're such a sight for sore eyes, flushed cheeks, bright teary eyes, pouty swollen lips, red nose.

He pulls you closer and nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent, like he's trying to get high on it. You let out a small gasp and shiver when his touch and his kisses burn your skin, leaving dark spots all over your neck and collarbones, you missed the marks he leaves on your body, the trophies of his love for you. His hands are all over you, grabbing and pulling you closer, his big hands around your waist. His mouth on your skin makes your mind go blank and you melt in his arms, your hands buried in his hair and your body arching into him as he kisses you and bites the underside of your jaw. You close your eyes, letting out tiny needy whimpers and moans. Is in this moment that you forget the pain and abuse and focus on the deep connection you both have, in the twisted yet strong love, on the feeling of his mouth on your skin, on his magic running through your veins.

You feel the need to have him be closer to you, you push yourself against him, you need him on you, all over you. He takes off your hoodie, leaving you in the tank top you use as pajama. He tightens his grip on your hips and suddenly pulls you up by your thighs, making your legs wrap around his waist, your heart beating so fast you think it's gonna burst out of your chest. He pushes you down on his desk, making some of the stuff on it fall on the floor as he lays you on the cold surface. He doesn't seem to mind he just step on his keyboard. He's on top of you, holding your wrists over your head, his face close to yours. He takes off your tank top slowly, noticing the scar on your torso, a scar the surgery left and the doctor said it won't go away, scars of his love, you guess. His fingers trace the red skin outstanding on your ribs, making you shiver and squirm impatiently.

He leans down to wrap his lips around your sensitive nipples, making you moan like a virgin, so pathetic. He sucks on your nipples, taking his time on each one of them as his hands slide down your mini shorts and panties, a string of arousal between your skin and them. He spreads your legs wider roughly, making your miscled tense and ache, but he doesn't seem to care as he starts rubbing your cunt with his palm. Your eyes widen at the shocks of pleasure after a whole month without it, your hips grinding against his hand as he mocks laughs at your eagerness, he knows how much his touch affects you, not only because the physical pleasure, but because of the mental peace it gives you, like any rational thought and logic is gone and there's just voice, his body and his face in your mind. You want to lose yourself in him.

For a moment, you swore to yourself that this was the las time, that after a month in a hospital bed, you learned your lesson and you weren't going back to him, but here you are, begging him to make love to you and make your mind go blank, to ease the pain of absence by hurting you even more and telling you he's never gonna leave your side. The sound of his zipper going down is music to your ears, you can feel his hard cock hitting thigh as it springs out of his boxers, his balls and tip swollen, almost purple, and you're so happy to know how hard he's for you. His lips kiss your scar one last time before going back to your neck, sucking a small hickey before wrapping your legs around his waist and sliding his cock in between your folds, searching for that place that drives him crazy. You have to hold on to the desk as he slams inside you, your insides churning with the intensity of that thrust, but you like it anyways. His dick inside you, what a beautiful analogy of love.

He closes his eyes and stays still for a moment, his head falling on your shoulder, as if he had just been giving the most pure elixir in the world. His hands run up and down your thighs in such a tender and loving away, leaving no trace of the violent man who attacked you that night. "I missed you so fucking bad..." He whispers, kissing you deeply, slow, not usual for him whose kisses always leave you bruised. You kiss him back, wrapping your arms around his neck as he starts thrusting in and out of you, with no rush, taking his time to enjoy the way your walls tighten around his shaft. He's not just fucking you, he's making love to you, he's worshipping you. "I missed you more" You whisper back between kisses.

You can barely move and you shiver under the thin sweaty sheet you're wrapped in. You don't know how many time you've been here cause you can't think about anything else, but you don't wanna leave. He's laying next to you, one arm around your waist, staring at the ceiling, bot of you laying on the cold leather couch. His fingers draw small shapes over your skin, trailing over the red and purple spots on your body. He's smoking a cigarette, occasionally reaching to flick the ashes on the ashtray behind the couch. You can't move your body, everything hurts, but it's a good kind of pain, the kind of pain only he can give you. You snuggle against his chest, hugging him tightly. "I love you" You whisper, kissing his cheek gently and feeling his mouth curl into a smirk. "I know" He says, taking a deep drag of his cigarette and blowing the smoke towards the ceiling. He never says "I love you", but you don't need him to, you know he does.

Everything's okay now, he's by your side again, you're safe, you're okay.

That until you feel a sudden nausea, and it's not the ramyeon you ate in the morning.

[ceapa-mica]

Grand Admiral Thrawn - The SFW Alphabet 🦋

This is the counterpart to my NSFW alphabet. Thank you all so much for reading my works, that means so much to me! 🥹

Reader's gender is not mentioned.

Taglist: @bingbongooo @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @ele-millennial-weirdo @enaelyork @jesslove23 @thrawnalani @thrawnsboots @twincesskorisoka @unmotivated-exhausted-author

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Thrawn is not a pda kinda person. He rather shows his affection in acts of service. Behind closed doors he has to get used to physical affection at first. It starts with his hand resting a bit longer on your back than usual, and you go from brief hugs to cuddling up with him in a matter of weeks. Thrawn finds that he enjoys holding you close to his heart.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Having Thrawn as your bestie comes with certain advantages. He would take you to art exhibitions, museums and concerts. He is a loyal friend to have, and he sees your potential. He will make sure you become the best version of yourself you can be. That does not only apply to your work, but for your personality too. Thrawn helps you overcome your insecurities and encourages you to try new things. Being friends with him makes you stronger in so many ways. Your friendship would probably start when you work under his command, that's how you meet, and he's intrigued by you from the very beginning.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Chiss in general are not big on showing physical affection. He will get used to it for you though, but only in private. If you share a bed both of you have a way better sleep when cuddled up together.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He never thought about settling down. It seemed impossible for him, given his rank and very busy lifestyle. Then he met you, and once you are in a relationship, it won’t take long for the thought of settling down to cross his mind for the first time. As for cooking and cleaning, there are droids for both tasks aboard the Chimera. That doesn't mean he can't do it himself, he just doesn't have to, and I don't picture him being a five star cook, just good enough to cook simple meals and not burning them. He could learn if he wants to though, if he set his mind to it, but he's way too busy with his job and all.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He would bluntly say that he wants to end things and why. He keeps his emotions in check as usual. No drama with tears on his side.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He would have to be sure he's with the right person first. He's also very busy, means you should have spent enough time together before he even considers proposing to you.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically he's very gentle, he would never hurt you on purpose. Emotionally he can be blunt sometimes. He says what needs to be said and doesn't sugarcoat it. Apart from that, he always makes sure you feel loved and appreciated.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

After getting used to hugging you, he seeks out the warmth of your embrace more often than not in private. He's sensitive, feeling you against him with your scent filling his nose gives him an instant serotonin boost. He needs that in his otherwise dull Imperial life. Chiss have a higher body temperature than humans, therefore his hugs are always warm. He's likely taller than you, so when he hugs you, you feel an almost overwhelming feeling of safety and belonging, like you're wrapped in a warm blanket that smells so good.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Oh boy, it takes some time. You will probably be the one who has to say it first. I imagine Thrawn hasn’t had many partners and doesn't want to scare you off declaring his feelings for you. Once you tell him you love him he will either say it right back or needs some time to process your words first and then tells you when you least expect it. Please be patient with him. He's an autistic Chiss and putting his emotions into words can be a bit hard for him at times.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Anyone can get jealous and Thrawn is no exception. However, he doesn't express his jealousy with toxic behavior. He simply reminds you what he has to offer, spending as much extra time with you as his stressful job allows him to.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His lips are surprisingly soft and his kisses mostly turn from gentle to deep and passionate. He enjoys the taste of you on his tongue, whether from your mouth or your skin. He has all the sweet spots on your body memorized and vice versa. He loves when you tug on his hair while kissing him.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Nobody would expect the stoic Grand Admiral to be good with children, but you're in for a surprise. Thrawn listens to them, takes what they say seriously, and shows his softer side around them that only very few people have seen. He doesn't know how to play with them though. Games would have to be explained to him if the rules aren't obvious. He would actually be a good father.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

In the Imperial Navy you get up early. No problem for Thrawn since he doesn't require much sleep, but when you share a bed with him he would rather hold you and spoil you in bed until noon. He has important matters that require his attention though, so the typical morning starts with taking a shower together and a cup of caf before you start your day.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

A SFW night with him includes lots of cuddling, you reading a holonovel in bed or watching holodramas while he's working on his datapad until long after you've fallen asleep in his arms, and whispered words of affection in a mix of Basic and Cheunh. Thrawn is always the big spoon, no question.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Thrawn is a very private person. When it comes to himself, his heritage and his people, he is careful how much he reveals about it to others. It takes time to gain his trust, but gradually he opens up. Again, be patient with him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Thrawn is a very patient man. Patient and disciplined. Even if he gets angry, he's not someone who would yell or throw a temper tantrum. He can be angry and hide it behind that indifferent facade he keeps up. To be honest, the only thing that gets him riled up like that are Krennic’s antics. He finds that man insufferable.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Thrawn takes mental notes of everything. Tbh I think sometimes he doesn't even realize he's doing it. You are important to him, so he puts an extra effort into remembering what you like and dislike, and every bit of information he learns about you is filed away in his mind.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It's the moment he realizes you sincerely care about him. Not just about him as a Grand Admiral, but as a person. You listen to him, even when he talks about art for hours, you are curious about him, and ask his opinion about things that don't involve military strategies. You see beyond his beneficial skill set and truly love him - Mitth’raw’nuruodo - a simple man who just happens to have an extraordinary mind.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

This man would protect you with his life. That's why he's reluctant about admitting his feelings to you at first, because it makes your relationship a thing. Being in a relationship with Thrawn puts a target on your back. To keep you safe he keeps you close, and your relationship must remain a secret until it's more serious.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Since Thrawn has everything memorized, you can expect him to never forget anniversaries, dates and tasks. You need to be flexible though, his job can get in the way last minute more often than not. Thrawn knows what you like and has an exquisite taste, so when you receive a gift from him it's either something you have wished for or something you didn't know you needed. Any gifts you receive are of practical or valuable nature - never anything trashy or too common.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has trouble relaxing after work sometimes, which leads to him keeping some of that ‘I’m a Grand Admiral, I’m in charge’ mentality outside work. It's not getting toxic though, you just have to remind him when he's doing it. He will apologize and try to relax. In a relationship you are equal partners after all.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Thrawn keeps his looks impeccable during working hours. He has his routine, keeping up a neat appearance. Away from work in his quarters you won't find him in his pristine white uniform though. That's when he wears a black tank top, loose sweatpants, no shoes and his usually slicked-back hair is a bit disheveled. (You love running your hands through those soft blue-black strands)

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Look, until he met you Thrawn was convinced he didn't need anyone by his side. The only thing he missed was his home - the Chiss Ascendency. When he fell in love with you his feelings and priorities shifted. He tried everything not to get attached to you, and told himself these feelings would pass if he ignored them. Oh how wrong he was. You've come a long way since then and Thrawn has accepted that it's you who completes him. Without you by his side it feels like a part of himself is missing. He hates that feeling, especially on campaigns away from you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Thrawn is very tidy. He will never leave a mess anywhere, and always puts objects back to where they belong. Same goes for his appearance of course. Lint on his white uniform is a no-no for him.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In general he dislikes disobedience by subordinates in his job since it can cause his plans to fail, and with it entire missions. It's quite obvious that he's against the Empire’s xenophobia. In a partner he would never accept someone who's xenophobic or finds him attractive just because he's an alien. Disloyalty and dishonesty are also a big turnoff for him.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

He prefers sleeping with you in his arms being the big spoon. He could listen to your heartbeat for hours, it helps him relax. Thrawn doesn’t require much sleep though.

I hope you enjoyed this little alphabet as much as I enjoyed writing it. 💙

Let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist if you aren't already!

[fantom-flower]

fantom's album review #1

I decided I'd go through NPR's The 150 Greatest Albums Made By Women.

Doing all 150 seemed a little too daunting, so I'm just doing the top 50. I'm going in order from 50 to 1, listening to all the albums from start to finish, rating them and writing my opinion.

I'm just doing this for fun, to learn more about the history of popular music and also listen to genres that I'm less familiar with.

All my ratings are based on my own personal tastes, so the following list is HIGHLY subjective.

50. Hole - Live Through This (1994)

7/10  I’ve never been much for 90s grunge. I was a little too young for its heyday (I was <10 when this album came out, hardly the intended audience) and later when I got into 90s music, grunge never really appealed to me. Still, I enjoyed this album, and I think a few of the songs on it will make it into my regular rotation.

49. Ricki Lee Jones - Pirates (1981)

2/10  Wow. I fucking hated this album. Her voice is okay, sometimes annoyingly breathy, and not nearly interesting enough to carry the meandering talk-singing she engages in nearly every song. Best thing I can say about this album is that it ends.

48. Etta James - Rocks the House (1964)

7/10  I don’t like live albums. That being said, this one is actually pretty good. It has a fun energy, with some great call and response with the audience. NPR's review said she “howled her way through” her songs, and that is accurate. Not something I usually enjoy, but aside from the howling, she has a very powerful and lovely voice, and even the howling started to grow on me by the end of the album.

47. Celia Cruz - Son con Guaguanco (1966)

10/10  No notes. I fucking loved this album. Es La Humanidad is my favorite song off of it. Stunning voice, great instrumentals, so fun to listen to.

46. Emmylou Harris - Wrecking Ball (1995)

6/10  A lot of the songs were really hit or miss for me. Largely, I really preferred the accompaniment. Wrecking Ball in particular stood out with this great lonely, yearning sound. Deeper Well is the best song on the album, if the rest had been like that, could have been a 9/10 easily. Orphan Girl was awful.

45. Dusty Springfield - Dusty in Memphis (1969)

5/10 Boring. The Windmills of Your Mind was alright.

44. Heart - Dreamboat Annie (1976)

9/10  Glad to find that Magic Man and Crazy on You are representative of the album rather than exceptions from it. Soul of the Sea is probably my favorite track. Lots of fun to listen to.

43. M.I.A. - Kala (2007)

2/10  I think I like Paper Planes as much as the next guy, but not enough to listen to a whole album of it.  Absolutely chock full of the most annoying sound effects known to man.  This one took me a long time to get through. When it was time for me to listen to music I kept thinking, “I don't want to ruin the pleasant vibe I have going by making myself listen to this.”

42. Ella Fitzgerald - Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Johnny Mercer Song Book (1964)

9/10 Hard to go wrong with Ella Fitzgerald. Name a song of hers that’s not an instant classic. I was surprised to see that this album was from the 60s when I started listening to it. Not the decade I associate with big band. I deduct one point because for me, all slow, soulful, romantic big band songs all kind of sound the same. I like the sound, but I like having some variety. 

41. Tracy Chapman - Tracy Chapman (1988)

10/10  Came into the album only having heard of Fast Car. It lives up to the hype, and the rest of the album does not disappoint! Great sound, great lyrics, great social justice message. Talkin’ bout a Revolution is going to be the next song I listen to over and over again to wring every drop of serotonin I can get from it.

Final thoughts of albums 50-41

Favorite album from this group is Tracy Chapman's self titled album. 

As for my least favorite, it's really hard to choose between MIA and Ricki Lee Jones. They were both so deeply awful to listen to.

What I'm looking forward to in albums 40-31:

Kate Bush and my childhood favorite, Tina Turner

What I'm dreading in the next ten:

Björk. I've been doing my best to listen to all the albums from start to finish even if I don't like it. Björk might break the streak.

[ssahotchnerr]

1, money comes back

2, you can rewatch the video

3, instant serotonin boost

4, you'll regret not getting it when commissions close (and who's to say he'll open it again, tm isn't guaranteed)

5, it's your money! You parents don't get to tell you what you can and can't spend YOUR money on

6, you're simply just a girl, plus starting new job (manifesting) that's like barely one pay check if you're full time (even at min wage)

7, my mom said you could

okay you may have just fully convinced me 😭 you’re right!!!! it’s my money, even at my current job it’s barely a paycheck, so i can afford it no problem, it’ll do wonders for my mentality, and i’ve had a rough year so 🥺 i deserve to treat myself right

[dumbbutchmutt]

a random question for you, Gideon: do you have any tips for dealing with subdrop? what are your favourite ways to take care of your sub or be taken care of when you sub?

Okay so I would say for one it can definitely vary, somenpeople will want specific comforts so my first piece of advice us to know beforehand if they have specific things they want/need and to express your own wants/needs for subdrop. (I find many of these can helpin a domdrop too! Subs can and should use this advice to help their doms as well if it can be applied)

With that:

I always start with water. A hydrated brain is always better at regulating. Snacks can also be good for the same reason. (Chocolate is one I used to get suggested a lot when I did reaserch on the subject, due to it's encouragement of serotonin in the brain. I find any soft of sweet tends to make somon cheer up a bit though, since most people like them. Fruit is also a really good one, because it'ssimple to eat and also doubles as more hydration.)

Soft textures (blankets, pillows plushies), or a piece of comfort clothing. Being in a drop can be a vaunrable of a state as being in the initial subspace, and I often like to be covered up and held. I usually do the same for my partners, because being close under a blanket can help be physically grounding.

Comforting words. Subdrops can feel isolating even with someone there, and they can make you feel like you have done something wrong. Let your partner know that it's okay, and even though they don't feel the best right now, they aren't alone and they haven't done anything wrong. Let them know that they're safe with you and you've got them for as long as they need. The space to know that you can still be taken care of is good.

Talk about it. Was it caused by something? If not that's okay, My sub drops are usually not prompted by anything specific, but knowing can help you avoid making it worse if there was a cause. It also means you might have something to discuss later to avoid this from happening from the same cause.

Simple activity. Get them up to clean up, take the,with you to set up a space to cuddle. Some movement of the body will be good for them. Doesn't have to be fancy. I like to follow my partner to get snacks if I'm not dizzy, and keep them in sight. And it does help more then laying there sad and possibly alone. Even for a few seconds when I'm in a drop can feel much longer.

I find that things I use when I'm sad can help with subdrops as well. Listening to music that helps, watching something with my partner, or playing a simple game that doesn't take a lot of brainpower. It can be nice to just spend time with my dom and know that there's no pressure to return to a specific state of mind.

I'm disabled and sometimes subdrops flare my pain. Check in for physical responses to the mental state especially if you're disabled. Pain meds to lessen the physical shit can make it a bit easier to focus on coping and calming dowm from the mental things.

Other suggestions I've seen are baths (I hate baths for sensory issues and so do my partners so not our thing, but the warmth of a good bath can't be beat if you like them), Making and having some tea, Burning candles and doing grounding exercises, Or prayers (If you practice that way together/are willing to do it with them if it would make them feel better).

And through any of these or other things you might try, take your time. It's not a rush to feel better. You're allowed to work through the subdrop like any other emotion, which might not be instant.

[This is in no way a fully fleshed out list or a one size fits all, so do your reaserch and take note of what does and doesn't seem to help you/your sub/your dom.]

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

I give the energy I get. This isn't to demonize people that have a set social battery because that's 100% unfair. The above statement is directed at people that focus only on one or two partners, turn around and ask for more partners, focus their energy--again--on those two partners, rinse and repeat a couple times, and then tell the dash that they wish they had more partners. No one is asking you to stretch yourself thin but, at the same time, no one likes feeling like they're competing for people's attention. You're honestly better off not having asked that if you know you cannot keep up with the demand and then leaving everyone high and dry because you got overwhelmed. you might want to and there is nothing wrong with that… but you need to understand yourself better. I think a lot of people on this site struggle with instant gratification ontop of anything else they may be dealing with, even the ones that say they have never done that. It's why we see high turnovers in blogs, why people think they're entitled to a response or a ship or a conversation, and why it seems like everything is going a mile a minute. It's why people end up getting bitter after being "ignored" even if that's not the intention. That's the most unfortunate thing about being on a social media site--that you can't really do anything about the dopamine or serotonin that comes with getting interaction. However, knowing how to recognize that you're in that cycle is 100% within everyone's control. So I personally have just adopted the mentality of giving what I get. If I give sustained interest and get it in return regardless of how much time passes inbetween ic interactions, then it's fine. if i get the same and am able to give it back to someone else, then it's fine. i don't pour 100% of everything into everyone like i see so many on this site do because rping is not a sprint. it is a marathon and i wish more people understood that because it seems like you have to search high and low for people that do. and i'm not talking about people that say they won't rush, but people that actually don't rush through things. i lose zero sleep and hate no one if something i want to happen fizzles out because i felt as though i wasn't getting the energy I was giving. I wipe my hands of it… and move on. That's it.

[bad-and-drawn-that-way]

Not a request but a question because I'm trying to work out if I'm being silly and need to chill or if this is a thing other writers deal with. (Ignore if you don't want to answer of course)

Do you ever get really frustrated when you write something you're proud of/ actually really excited to write/ have put a lot into doesn't do well for one, but then a post you put a lot less into (Still effort ofc) or wanted to write way less does way better and it's even worse?

You're not alone in this feeling AT ALL. A lot of creators, including myself feel this often. The TLDR of what I'm about to say is: you're not being silly, but you do need to chill. Let's dive into what I mean by that! 💕

A lot of creators, including myself put a lot of love into what we do. So of course we want the work we spend extra time and effort on to do better. Unfortunately, what happens a lot of the time is our original works, more heartfelt works, more polished stuff, etc. tend to go on the backburner compared to our memes, sketches, and sexual content. People online are drawn to instant serotonin. It's not that your more polished stuff isn't incredible, it's that they're just drawn to what requires less of an attention span.

Does this mean you should stop trying? NO!!! Do what makes you happy, but also realize that it may not always get the recognition it deserves. Being a creator in a modern age requires finding a balance of self-worth and chasing numbers. It's okay to research ways to extend your reach. Celebrate your growth and the posts that do well! But learn to make peace with the fact that sometimes the post is just not going to get as much of a response as you hope. Learn to celebrate what you've made for yourself.

I'm constantly fighting the urge to check my numbers. I also feel disappointed when something I post that I thought was really good doesn't get much attention. This isn't coming from someone who has all the answers and doesn't get bothered by numbers. This is coming from someone who struggles with that feeling all the time. It's a form of love. It's part of self-love. Love is a choice you make every day. Sometimes that choice can be harder than other days and that's okay.

Keep doing what you love. Keep striving to do well. But learn to let go. Learn not to put so much pressure on your posts. It's okay to repost them too! If the initial post didn't do well, just try posting it again! Try different things to grab attention! Sometimes it has nothing to do with the content and just with timing, algorithm, tags, etc.

The two things I've started doing to help combat that association of success with numbers are:

Find that one friend, mutual, family member, etc. who will always celebrate what you make, even if they may not fully understand it. Bless my mom, she doesn't understand 90% of what I make. I don't show her my writing, but I show her my art, my streaming, my music, etc. I'm very blessed to have her always there to be like "WOAH THAT'S NEAT". Find that person for you.

Do a little something nice for yourself after posting something you're proud of! It doesn't have to be anything huge. Just go get your favorite snack or maybe take a bubble bath. Just a little bite of serotonin to celebrate what you've done.

Ultimately, your feelings are super valid my dude. It's tough out there! And if you're anything like me, you care a lot about what you do. Of course, you want it to be seen. Keep doing what you love and find ways to grow without letting the numbers define the worth of what you make. You got this!

[butmakeitgayblog]

As a writer, do you find it annoying when readers comment asking for chapters? Because as a reader, I've always wondered how I could correctly phrase that I'm looking forward to reading more so that it doesn't come off as pestering and pressuring the author. Sometimes, when stories that stick with me hasn't been updated in months, I find myself back in the comments section thinking, I wanna leave something nice for author letting them know that I'm here and I love their story. Is there any particular do's and don't's we should be aware of?

Honestly? Completely honest?

Yes it's annoying when people ask for updates 😬 BECAUSE, and I can't stress this enough, no one on earth wants that story to be updated more than the writer. No one. That un-updated story haunts their dreams and taunts their waking days. We want it to be finished too, and we're painfully, excruciatingly, cripplingly aware of how long it's been since it was updated. Authors want to update their stories, so if they haven't, there's a reason why. And asking for updates only does 1 of 2 things (or usually both): makes writers feel even worse than they already do about not updating, or straight up piss them off because if they could update, they would. Because in the end all asking for updates really is is pressuring someone, whether the commentor means to or not. It's fantastic to know someone loves the story and wants to read more of it, and we DOOOO wanna know you're excited about the story and want more. So while we absolutely want to hear from you, here's 3 better ways to convey that than asking for an update:

Just tell the author you like the story! Doesn't have to be complex, just say "I love this story! I've reread it X times and enjoy it every time 😌" Boom, instant shot of serotonin for the author

Paste a line or lines of dialogue you loved. Maybe a specific scene that spoke to you or made you laugh or cry or you thought was hot. Authors love having their words thrown back at them because then we know which parts work the best, and which are reaching the audience and leaving an impression. It actually helps sometimes moving forward in the story knowing what parts readers felt were the strongest. Yes we write stories for ourselves, but we also want you guys to like them too. And feedback helps us grow.

Say how the story makes you feel. Do you like it reading it before bed as lil comfort story that helps you wind down? Maybe it's something that when you're sad you pull out of your bookmarks cuz it brightens your day even just a little bit. Maybe you like it because it hurts in the best ways, it gets emotions flowing that you can connect with and commiserate. Do you wanna squish those little dope's faces together for being too cute, or boop them on the nose with a newspaper for being dumbasses. We wanna know! Authors put their heart into these stories, so hearing what emotions they bring out in readers is like winning the fucking jackpot

Understand this isn't me saying if you've ever asked for an update I think you're a bad person or you should feel bad. What I'm saying is that it's not conveying what you may be meaning to convey, and at worst you might be actually thwarting any motivation the author had managed to gather to update.

[auniverseforgotten]

Top 5 AUs of whatever you have cooking, whether they are in fics or just floating ideas :3c

HMMMMMMMM SOMEONE IS TRYING TO SNOOP I SEE UWU /j these are all FGO AUs because my Star Wars AU is honestly still killing me orz I have so many ideas but I can't get them arranged right for it [I wanna bring in Hondo IMMEDIATELY he is SO FUN but I have to make it make sense...] and Star Wars fans SCARY X'D

The Pursuit of Diarmuid and Grainne AU:

So this AU is one I don't honestly know if I'll ever finish all the way or publish. Mainly because while I've read several Pursuits now, there's a lot of other mythos knowledge I need and it's hard to find non-Anglicized sources for me??? Unless anyone has a resource to share dfxcghv it started from my love of Diarmuid from FGO and all of Tea's really good Diarmuid and Fionn headcanons and a specific fic of theirs, Oh, Darling, You Can Stop Drowning that got me realizing that yeah The Pursuit being portrayed as a tragic romance....when one party held all the power via magical curse and the other just. Was forced along. Yeah...BUT that's another reason I probably won't post it in the end; the entire thing is built up on Tea's headcanons, so it also feels like it's not really my right to write it or post it. I'm mostly writing it out to read myself because I just,,,,need the serotonin,,, dfgv

Anyway. Main differences in this AU:

-Fionn is not attending the engagement because he is engaged to Grainne, but because it would be an insult not to attend. I haven't decided if he simply didn't express interest or if Sadhbh is still alive in this AU [basically just making it an entire mythos au not just a pursuit one]. If it's the latter it adds another layer because uh yeah Sadhbh is also mad her husband's dearest friend got stolen away and she would like to know Grainne's location as well thank you Very much.

-Diarmuid leaves pretty clear signs that it wasn't a willing departure WHICH IT WASN'T IN THE FIRST PLACE he actually, in one version I found, tries to throw her off several times [and this is AFTER Grainne already tried and failed to make a pass at Oisin and maybe also Oscar in the version I saw, can't remember], but he pretty desperately tries to wake Fionn in this one, both out of concern for his friend and then realizing what is about to happen. Not a huge difference I'm just rambling now sdfxghcv

-When Fionn wakes up from the sleeping draught he sees that Diarmuid is gone and Immediately knows Grainne did something bcus Diarmuid mentioned her Attention earlier in the story. Following a HC of Tea's, this Pursuit is, rather than a "Dude that was MY fiance", a "RETURN. MY BEST FRIEND. TO ME. RIGHT. NOW." Pursuit.

-Undecided how I want it to end; if they make it the full seven years and somehow??? Diarmuid returns to Fionn after???? If Fionn catches up and Diarmuid can't calm him down and he kills Grainne,,,which is INSTANT POLITICAL RAMIFICATIONS bad ending,,,,if he catches up prior to the full seven years and somehow???? Breaks the geis???

ULTIMATELY doesn't matter since it'll prob just be for me to read BUT it's one that has consumed my brain sfdg

2. Vinyl Destination [named by Ye uwu] Avenger Agenda/Saliama AU! LESBIAN TRANS COMPOSERS T4T LESBIANS HELL YEAHHHHHHH LESBIAN POLYCULE IN GENERAL I've mentioned this one to you plenty I'm sure but, Salieri who leaves the classical world that will never accept her and she goes to purposefully try and make herself a laughingstock by starting a punk metal band, a failure, etc etc so that she can. Well. Feel justified let's put it that way. BUT INSTEAD they ROCKET up the charts and suddenly she has to keep living, has to keep going.

During all of this Mozart is still in the closet and doing her best to break free but still stay safe with her father constantly watching every move. It started as an au where Mozart is in classical and Salieri punk, covering each other's songs to annoy each other how did it end up like this HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS anyway it's Salieri/Dantes/Jalter [all ladies] with Salieri also dating Mozart [lady] and Jalter also dating Boudica [lady].

3. So this one has NOTHING written down about it anywhere at all, but Fairy Knight Bedivere AU. And by Fairy Knight I don't mean like the FGO ones I mean it in the sense of like. Magic Knight Rayearth. He has a pact with Fou [who can change sizes, sometimes he is Fou sizze sometimes he is mount size sometimes he is HUGE] and they just...travel together and help people. Low stakes, probably set after an apocalypse so I can get some fun post-apocalyptic shit in there, as Enrichment. Could possibly involve some BediTris because that's my main ship for him, but could also just be a gen little fic/series about Bedivere and Fou saving the world one person at a time.

4. Arguably my WEIRDEST most cracky AU is the Hatoful Boyfriend Salierik AU. This was originally started for the Dead Dove day of Rarepair week, bcus I legit started that week with FOUR PAIRINGS. Anyway I thought it would be funny to make a pun with Dead Dove bcus,,,Hatoful Boyfriend,,,Erik is a murderous Magpie and Salieri is a massive vulture constantly in pain bcus the virus didn't mutate his family right. The Dead Dove is also literal bcus it's hatoful boyfriend so you know it's got murder, teeeeeechnical cannibalism bcus one character is killed for her bones????, some fun little gaslighting, etc etc

Just an AU for me to lelt Erik be a funky freaky little murder birb [all for his darling Salieri ofc] this is like 50% because I thought it would be funny 50% I asked Wolfie enough questions that I Gotta do it now XD It's partly written but has a lot of gaps.

5. Unrequited Fionndiar hanahaki AU. ONCE AGAIN NO ONE IS SURPRISED this started with a Tea headcanon, linking it from when I reblogged it bcus some of my thoughts are spewed into the tags dfzsxvg anyway the whole reason why this is especially fun is, as it alludes to there, Diarmuid, in the myths where he DOES die, has one fated death at the hands of his brother who was turned into a boar. This is because Donn killed someone's kid btw so then that was just. Placed upon Diarmuid and his brother's heads.

SO ANYWAY he has to die that way, and any other deadly injury he just bounces back from. So he contracts lungflower [Tea's thought on an alt name], and he Immediately knows what it is and who it's for. Cue Diarmuid desperately trying to hide it, growing proficient at swallowing down petal and stem and thorn until he is alone and it forces its way back up, trying to keep Fionn from suspecting anything because Fionn would damn himself to unhappiness if it means saving Diarmuid pain.

And he learns how to hide it, how to manage it, everything he needs. but eventually he DOES die. And FIonn finds him, as he is dying, and Diarmuid is trying to desperately swallow flowers but Fionn forces his mouth open to pour water into and. Well. He knows who they're for, because Diarmuid never made his feelings secret. So like another layer of guilt onto the man about to lose his best friend

FLASH FORWARD TO CHALDEA and Diarmuid starts coughing up flowers again basically the Moment Fionn is summoned. He tries to hide it but the Second Fionn hears a cough he is on that shit. Considering??? Fionn wants to try a relationship with Diarmuid now at this point, but Diarmuid assumes he's only reaching out to spare him the flowers. LOTS OF ANGST.

THANKS FOR THE ASK SABUUUUUU