#WING was mine when i first started posting to any social media

[d8tl55c]

sometimes i make animations too :3

"WING / K"

20 sec, 12fps

[acourtofthought]

You say Reddits and Tiktok are war-zones and its a bad place to be a Elucien and Gwynriel shipper. I've never been on those websites and I'm not planing to but I made mistake of searching "Gwynriel" on twitter and MY GOD it's bad!! Like if twitter its like that and a small part of SJM fandom are there then I don't know what is happening on Tiktok and Reddits!?

You know I always say that Sarah's books reached the wrong audience because of Tiktok for advertising it as a smut books, which they're way more than that. Why do you think when you ask everyone their fav bat boy they say Azriel? Because he has "the biggest wing-span" but what about his character? Nothing. when I first read the books I was ready for Az to be my fav too but all I got was this confusion over what people has been crazy about?

Or why do you think Nesta is now everyone's fav sister and they starts hating on Feyre? Because she's badass and been mean and cruel to every living thing and people find this hot and Feyre decided to have a child with her mate (which I've come to realize so many people hate it when the character has child which I don't understand it at all. Shaming a woman for wanting a baby of her own wasn't supposed to be a thing in 2023 but here we are) and have a little art studio like she always wanted.

What people tend to forget is that these books are so much more that some some sex scenes and supposedly badass female characters.

Don't get me wrong I've grown to love Nesta in her book (and that's because I saw myself in Nesta in so many ways that it even shocked myself) and I'm hundred percent sure I would love Az's or literally any other character who are going to have their story shared but honestly its a shame that these books are reduced to this and a ship war we have no control over because Sarah will write whatever is best for her characters and won't listen to you little idea of 3 brothers x 3 sisters you've been obsessed with like your life depends on it.

And I'm so scared for Sarah and glad that she's not in social media anymore. I can only imagine the death threats these people will send her when the books don't turn out the way they want.

You know, you draw attention to a sad fact.

I do think too many people rely on what others tell them about the books on social media rather than making sure it matches with what is in the books.

It's fine to read all the theories but you have to fact check and make sure what's being said is true rather than blindly spreading them around the fandom as genius takes even though there are glaringly obvious holes that can be poked in them.

Even the rumor that Az has the biggest wingspan, a rumor that will not die.

It was a joke Feyre made to Rhys because she could tell he was stressed about heading to the CON. Can you really imagine her telling the guy she's starting to feel something for that he's got a smaller dick than his friend? 🤣

And just because of that worry, just to get that tightness off his face, even for these few minutes before we faced his unholy realm beneath that mountain, I said over the wind, “Amren and Mor told me that the span of an Illyrian male’s wings says a lot about the size of … other parts.” His eyes shot to mine, then to pine-tree-coated slopes below. “Did they now.” I shrugged in his arms, trying not to think about the naked body that night all those weeks ago—though I hadn’t glimpsed much. “They also said Azriel’s wings are the biggest.” Mischief danced in those violet eyes, washing away the cold distance, the strain. The spymaster was a black blur against the pale blue sky. “When we return home, let’s get out the measuring stick, shall we?”

Rhys has seen Azriel's dick and he doesn't seem all that threatened.

There is an interview SJM did, I have it posted somewhere on my blog, but she was asked who actually had the biggest wingspan and she said that while she has her own thoughts about it (my guess is Rhys considering she said he'd be the ojey thing she'd take to a deserted island) she leaves it open ended for the reader to decide for themselves.

So people getting super obsessed over Az because they think SJM confirmed he's the biggest makes me shake my head.

And shaming Feyre for her choices is someone saying, "Hey! You can't do important things once you have kids!" which is the mentality women have been dealing with in the workplace for decades.

Feyre is a warrior sure.... but there's only going to be so many battles. These characters will eventually have lives that aren't full of war and rallying forces and it's logical for SJM to create a storyline that gives her purpose and a reason to step back and let the other characters shine.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with tatooedlaura (Laura Sprys)

Laura has 28 fics at Gossamer, but the big treasure trove of her stories is at AO3, where she has 193 fics. Thank goodness for the richness of the X-Files and for talented, creative people like Laura who can find so many interesting ways to tell tales in the show’s universe. Big thanks to Laura for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Maybe reading mine but reading older fic in general is something I still do and something I still find entertaining. I do wish i could get into my old fics and post a warning that some of those were written before the author: ever had a drink, ever had sex, ever had a boyfriend, ever lived on her own, ever had a real job, or ever experienced much of anything in the real world.

Then again, fanfic is a perfect time capsule for the age and it’s always fun to see where the originals started and how they’ve grown.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

Back in the day and up and through today, it has always been a fun experience. From it, I’ve learned to love writing. I’ve learned that fans are crazy, weird, wonderful, generous, talented, committed, passionate, and imaginative. In a fandom, you can think whatever you wish and write about anything you like and because I’ve been around so long, I’ve gotten to watch the storylines shift and the relationships change ...

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Originally, I never had much interaction with people other than ones who sent emails commenting on my fanfic … the internet at my parents house was dial-up and I had to access through the AOL free disks that arrived in the mail so, for the most part, I didn’t have the bandwidth or the connection speed to do more than upload stories and download episode guides.

Good lord, I remember submitting a story and having to wait upwards of two days to two weeks before the new batch of stories was posted ... then ephemeral came around and you could actually have your story up in under a day ... all ya'll who started on tumblr and ao3, you have it great, let me tell you :)

One thing that stands out in my mind still (and I’m still friends with her on Facebook) was a woman from western Canada who I stumbled across somewhere while looking for the blooper reels. She offered to send me her copies on VHS for my collection. I don’t think she asked for payment and one day, a package arrived from a lovely woman near Lethbridge, bloopers playable, tapes labeled in clear printing. I still appreciate that 20 some odd years later :)

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Fandoms are crazy places. Tread lightly at first but enjoy what you want, ignore what you don’t, rewrite what you hate, and write what you love. Don’t be an asshole when you don’t agree with someone … when you do, tell them …

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I was on board from the first episode. It was a show about two people who you felt were destined to be together but weren’t, and wouldn’t be for years. It was a cop show about aliens and a monster show with cops. I was in the right place at the right time in the right frame of mind and there was just something that clicked and I never looked back. Friends were not allowed to call me on Friday night and once it switched to Sunday, I made sure that my parents got us on early evening bowling league so we’d be home in time to watch. Even my boyfriend (eventual husband) knew to shut the hell up from 9-10pm, even if he was sitting next to me on the couch (with my parents in their chairs watching as well)

Also, my 56-year-old dad had a crush on Scully from the start so that was entertaining as hell as well

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I have been writing stories in my head for literally as long as I can remember. Watching some episode, I honestly don’t remember which one, I suddenly had an idea for a story about Mulder and Scully. I had never written a story with pre-existing characters before and it was totally foreign to me. How do you write a character with a current storyline. It was weird, it was difficult, it was some of the most fun I’d had writing up to that point.

Suddenly, I didn’t have to explain or describe the characters, think of jobs and mundane things … they already had those … and it was great.

Honest-to-God, my first fic was written, in pencil, on a yellow legal pad by flashlight while lying with my head at the foot of my bed so I could see my parents coming down the hall if they happened to wake up at midnight to go to the bathroom. Later fics were written by the light of an 10” TV/VCR combo with me still lying with my head at the foot of the bed. I still have those old legal pads somewhere and I remember having to type them in secret, having to wait until the house was empty for 20 minutes to an hour at a time. Uploading them was always unnerving because of the slow dial-up and the fact that I didn’t have my own email address, but had to use my dad’s. I’d have to make sure to check it whenever I could, intercept the feedback I’d get off gossamer.

I was such a damn rebel.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Well, I now know how to interact with people given tumblr and AO3 but it hasn’t changed much. I contribute a little more now that I understand posting on social media but mostly, I still just write like a fiend and post, read voraciously and give kudos and likes often, comment some and reblog.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I dabbled and have a favorite ‘Fringe’ fic … I tried to read a Harry Potter fic once … I type ‘West Wing’ occasionally in ao3 and tumblr ...

And nothing, absolutely nothing, has ever caught me like the X-Files did in regards to the fandom experience.

I have shows I watch and re-watch and re-watch but no two characters have ever had me writing and thinking and planning like Mulder and Scully. No other combo has ever made me write upwards of 300,000 or more total and still have plenty of stories to tell.

I’m okay with this.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Aside from Mulder and Scully and the gentlemen three of Frohike, Langley, and Byers … I love all Scully’s nieces and nephews in my ‘Life’ series … I also love Corduroy (picture books), Harold (purple crayon fame), Neville Longbottom, the characters from my own novels, Katniss (book not movie), Anne Shirley, Elnora (from the Limberlost), Will Stanton/Merriman/Barney/Jane from ‘Dark is Rising’ and 10,459 others …

I’m a children’s librarian so most of my favorite books are those written for the younger and YA crowd. I like my job :)

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I watch this show all the damn time. I will think about Mulder and Scully when I have nothing else to think about, normally writing and editing whatever story I may have in the hopper at the time about them.

My husband laughs when I have the show on. He knows all the episodes with me and it’s one of my comfort shows that I don’t have to pay attention to when it’s on. During it, I have edited books, decorated cookies, been sick, been recovering, simply wasted a perfectly good day because I could.

My 17-year-old daughter keeps it on while she does homework and works out.

It’s a staple at our house and no one is allowed to make fun of it, even though we all know that parts are completely ‘make fun-able’

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I read fic all the time … I have worked my way through AO3 starting from the beginning and if it was more easily readable on a phone, I’d work my way, once again, through gossamer.

Restated from above: I dabbled and have a favorite ‘Fringe’ fic … I tried to read a Harry Potter fic once … I type ‘West Wing’ occasionally in ao3 and tumblr ...

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I have all kinds of favorites on tumblr but right now, I honestly don’t remember most of the names … I pretty much read everything that comes through my dashboard and every few days, i read through the newest posts on AO3 … I love you all!!

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Of X-Files fics, I love my newer stuff … I read “Life” and its sequels every few months … ‘Your Place or Mine’ is another one I will read … actually, I’ll just say it .... I read all my own fic over and over again …

With fic, you get to write the characters as you want to see them and write situations that you want to see … I write for myself most of all and I love to read what I wrote :)

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I write them all the damn time. I have tons of snippets and half-finished that I occasionally glean things from but while sometimes, old stuff morphs into new, sometimes, it just needs to gather that dust and live a quiet little forgotten life in some backhand folder on my dropbox account ...

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

First question is answered above.

As for other creative work, I have published two YA novels, have the third in that series in editing … I have five other novels in the hopper in various stages of ‘good lord this needs an edit or twelve’ …

I am writing things constantly in my head or on my laptop … most is crap … stome sticks … some turns into fic and some turns into books …

But the point is, I am writing, in some form, at all time :)

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Some two sentence conversation will spark an idea … the line of a song will inspire an idea … a word will start a sentence which will turn into a paragraph which will tumble straight into a story … and sometimes, stuff just pops in my head for no damn reason at all ...

What's the story behind your pen name?

On gossamer, I am L. Sprys because that was my name at the time :)

On tumblr and AO3, I’m tatooedlaura because my name is Laura and I have, now, six tattoos (yes, I spelled it wrong in my handle but that’s life) … when I decided on the name, I think I only had two

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

They do now … it took me years to crack and tell them … my husband has never read them, nor have any of the people I have told (as far as I know)

Now, I don’t really care who knows … I’ll tell them I write smutty X-Files fanfiction and family-friendly X-Files fanfiction …

I am too old at this point to be embarrassed by what I like to do. If they laugh at me, I tell them they only get to laugh when they’ve published a book and I pull up my books on Amazon … I’ve only had to do that once and it shut them right the hell up …

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Gossamer: L. Sprys

Tumblr and AO3: tatooedlaura

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I love you! I see you! I appreciate you! I hope you enjoy! Don’t judge me for my grammar issues! I will never be able to spell the word ‘excersize’!

(Posted by Lilydale on April 27, 2021)

[wonwooze]

Something told me it was you.

characters: jeon wonwoo/reader au genre: light smut, fluff warnings: cussing, alcohol consumption word count: 5841

Jeon Wonwoo is your best friend for life. You two met just before the two of you were supposed to depart for college. The two of you declared that the term platonic was the exact terminology to describe your friendship. You two were each other’s wingman, sworn protectors, and so many more. So it became a wonder, a great mystery when the two of you starts to realise that the line between love, and being in love is a fine one. Wonwoo best friends! to lover inspired by Zayn’s Tightrope. 

i. We Should Thank Seungkwan

messages

15:46

Seungkwan boo: hey loser. What are you doing today? Probably nothing I shouldn’t ask. I’m going to eat out with a couple of my friends tonight. You should come and stop being such a caveman. See  ya.

y/n: when? What should I wear? What friends?

Seungkwan boo: at 6, we’re going to a movie first at the mall. They’re my school friends. And they’re cool don’t worry. Be ready I’ll come get you.

y/n: ????? Ok

Seungkwan was a friend you, almost quite literally, found on craigslist. At the time you met Seungkwan, you were struggling with SAT and college application. Wanting to get into one of the top 5 universities didn’t help either. Equipped with wits, and endless resourcefulness, you found Seungkwan’s ad on craigslist. He was offering himself to be an SAT tutor, claiming that he almost graduated as valedictorian. After a quick search of his social media, Boo Seungkwan turned out to be enrolled in one of the top private schools in the country. You decided that he looked like a legit tutor that could help you ace your college application, and enlisted his help. As it turns out, Seungkwan was a better friend than he was a tutor. He was always hanging out with you at your house, or at his, telling the perfect jokes where he reiterates funny stories of his schoolmates—whom you never met—in great detail. You liked hanging out with Seungkwan, it would’ve been so much better if you have met him earlier, you thought.

That night was like no other. Seungkwan had never asked you to meet his schoolmates before. You’ve only seen their pictures on Seungkwan’s instagram posts, and have only heard of them from his anecdotes. All you know was that he had a large group of friends, and that they’re supposedly really fun. When Seungkwan showed up on your doorstep, he was eerily excited. He had a huge grin stamped on his face, and a Prius waiting behind him with the engines on. “I’m so excited for my friends to finally meet each other! You know y/n, I’ve been telling these fools that you would be a great addition to our friend group but they weren’t having it.” Seungkwan gestured to his friends inside the car. “Their loss, not mine.” You told him. “That’s the spirit!” He chimed.

When he finally shoved you into the backseat, and himself into riding shotgun, you finally had a look at the infamous Seungkwan’s friend group. There were a total of 5 people in that car, including yourself. You were stuck in the backseat, with two other guys you absolutely had never seen before. “Everyone, this is Y/N! She’ll be gracing us with her presence tonight.” That remark made you blush, and chummy in the gut, feeling the room temperature about to get awkward. You were always kind of anxious about meeting Seungkwan’s friends, fearing they decided they didn’t like you at the end of the day. “Hi.” You said awkwardly, waving your sweater paws lightly.

“You know, y/n. I always thought Seungkwan made you up just so he can ditch us lately. Nice to meet you though, I’m Soonyoung.” The boy sitting at the other side of the seat said by way of greeting. “Yeah, I always doubted you were real. I’m Vernon, nice to meet you.” The boy next to you said shyly. He was good looking, and had the faint smell of aftershave. “Yah! You guys are always on my neck it’s annoying.” Seungkwan chimed in from the front. And that’s how you met Wonwoo. Even if he didn’t made the introduction right then and there, you finally had a good look at him when the group finally arrived at the mall. He straightened his blazer before he reached out his hand to you, and with his baritone like deep voice announced that his name was Jeon Wonwoo.

“Wonwoo! Y/n is going to go to NYU this year! I was helping her with her application remember?” Seungkwan said in the middle of gulping down his cola. Your heart leapt when he mentioned NYU, still berated with the anxiety of college entrance procedures. “You are? Me too! What are the odds. Man I sure hope I get accepted though, it would suck if I didn’t.” “NYU is famous for its film school though, are you majoring in film?” This was the first chance you got of a private conversation with Wonwoo. “Nope. I’m majoring in English lit. Are you taking film?” “Yeah, I do actually.” You liked Wonwoo immediately. You remembered thinking his presence was so still, and calm, so calm that it softened your rough edges, and calmed your anxiety. “I hope I got accepted though. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t” You told him. Wonwoo shrugged lightly, and nonchalantly adds, “You’ll get in. Trust me.” You’ve never trusted zodiacs, or tarot reading, or anything of the sorts. But the way Wonwoo said it, his deep set cat like eyes piercing into you, that day you decided you were going to trust Jeon Wonwoo and whatever he said.

The next time you met him was when the two of you settled into orientation day at NYU. Wonwoo lived in a dorm at campus area, and you got your own place 5 minutes away from him. The two of you were so delighted when you met each other that day. Wonwoo remembered thinking it was like a match made in heaven. Being the quiet, shy, introvert that he is, Wonwoo relished the idea of having company when venturing into a brand new territory. He secretly wanted to held your hand the whole time but refrain from doing so. That day, Wonwoo took you to eat at a wings joint near campus, and the two of you laughed your asses off listening to Wonwoo’s anecdotes about Seungkwan. Lips smeared with barbecue sauce, Wonwoo ended his sermon about Seungkwan with a statement that you had etched into your memory until today. You and Wonwoo had fought about a number of things, which band was better, which movie was better, which tie he should buy. Sometimes he changed your mind, and sometime you changed his. But on this specific issue, you have never changed your opinion about because you had agreed completely. That night he said, “we should really thank Seungkwan though. If it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t have met each other and I wouldn’t have a friend at campus. Who would’ve thought he would be a blessing?” The two of you have never stopped talking since then.

ii. The Tale of Two Roommates

“Won!” You banged at Wonwoo’s dorm room at exactly 7 pm. The two of you were supposed to hang out at the library, studying for finals. “Just a sec!” You heard Wonwoo called from inside the room, and couldn’t help but wonder what is taking him long enough. Contrary to what you expected, when the door finally swung open it wasn’t Jeon Wonwoo that was at the other side of the door. It was Wonwoo’s roommate, Kim Mingyu, if you had remembered correctly.  “Oop! Sorry to startle you. Wonwoo is going to take some time, you better come in.” He said sweetly, a smile was breaking on his lips. Mingyu was kind of cute, and you wondered why Wonwoo never mentioned that fact. “Thanks! Um, Mingyu is it?” “Correct! I suppose Wonwoo have mentioned me?” Mingyu had eyes like sugar and caramel, sweet. “Only in passing.” You shrugged lightly. Mingyu proceeded to sit on his bed and fiddled his laptop.

“I hope you don’t mind me blasting a song through my laptop? I lost my headphones a couple of days ago.”

“Yeah no problem! This is your room anyway.”

“Just between you and me,  I lent my headphones to Wonwoo and I could swear he had never given it back.” Mingyu said, not looking mad at all, instead his visage was decorated with a dubious grin. Implying that him and Wonwoo are close enough to make fun of each other. You continued to wonder why Wonwoo never properly introduced the two of you. The person in question was still in the bathroom, hell, only God knows what he’s doing in there.

You had thoughts that Wonwoo was going to be taking too long, and the library is going to be crowded by the time you two got there, but in all honesty he was unknowingly doing you a favour. As you sat on Wonwoo’s bed on the other side of the room, Mingyu was casually playing music by different artists. His tastes ranges from electric music, dance music, to popular songs you often hear on the radio. Your heart skipped a beat only when he glances at you from across the room, and replayed the song that was playing before. It was from Arctic Monkey’s 2013 album, a song you often play when you were in the mood to fall in love. The song, titled Knee Socks, was dripping through the speakers, and Mingyu caught your head bopping along with the beat. “You know this song?”

“Yeah, it was pretty popular when it came out didn’t it?” You added. This time you held Mingyu’s gaze. “It is actually! God, I feel so dumb playing this song now. It feels so outdated.” You chuckled at that. What does an attractive man like Mingyu had to fear? He began to talk to you about the songs he played after Arctic Monkey’s famous ballad was over. And you realised that Kim Mingyu, had held your attention completely. There was something about him that reminded you of chocolate covered caramel. When Wonwoo finally came out of the bathroom, he had looked unusually dashing. His face was completely bare, save for his round eyeglasses he never took off. He was wearing a v-neck t-shirt that shown his perfectly sculpted collarbone. And his wet hair was still slightly dripping. Not that you had noticed any of this, because that night you were completely smitten by Kim Mingyu.

Since then, you’ve found yourself making up a string of unusual reasons to come over to Wonwoo’s dorm. Either to borrow a charger, borrow Wonwoo’s laptop, anything, just so you have an excuse to see Kim Mingyu. It was between your 5th to 6th visits when Mingyu finally asked you out on a date. Wonwoo, being Wonwoo, always warned you against it. “Be careful! I hear he has a reputation.” It’s always be careful this, be careful that. You only started to wonder if Wonwoo was making some of those things up. As reality goes, Mingyu turned out to be one of the sweetest guy to exist. He was always walking you back to your place, even if that meant he had to take a 5 minute detour. He was always careful of your feelings. He never disregarded anything you said. The first few months, your relationship with Mingyu was perfect. You hung out with him in his room, which gave you the additional advantage of hanging out with Wonwoo too. You made Mingyu hot chocolate when he’s craving for one, and the list goes on.

But some stories are not only about you. When you first started dating Mingyu, Wonwoo was always skeptical about it. He was never quite sure about the odds of you two being together. But when it looked like it was going perfectly, Wonwoo’s frown began to cease. His doubts replaced with another feeling. Wonwoo couldn’t quite give the feeling a name, he just knew it when he felt it. 

The first time was when he walked into the two of you cuddling on Mingyu’s bed. It was not like Wonwoo was seeing red, but it almost seemed like he did. He felt the tiniest pinch inside his gut, but no words were registered to explain the phenomenon. After that, he only dreaded the thought of seeing the two of you together. It was not as if he didn’t like seeing you happy, he did. He completely, wholeheartedly did. He just preferred he didn’t have to see it.

iii. You Shouldn’t Build Houses Out Of People

It was nearing the end of your second year in college when you woke up in Wonwoo’s arms. You and Wonwoo stayed being the best friends that you always were. The year that has passed only made the bond stronger. There has been an additional list of activities that you and Wonwoo had shared without making it awkward because you two are almost closer than any friend. Going out late at night for McDonalds, hanging out at his dorm, catching a midnight movie premiere together. It was always Wonwoo this, Wonwoo that, if not Mingyu this, Mingyu that. Wonwoo had hugged you, braided your hair, picked you up and swung you around when your short movie won a college award. You had hugged Wonwoo, caressed the top of his head, squeezed his hand when you get nervous. Anything and everything. You had stayed together with Mingyu too, the whole time. You caught yourself repeatedly saying a prayer for Wonwoo and Mingyu’s presence in your life.

This is where the chapters started to get ugly. Love stories, they tend to get ugly before the main protagonist had any idea what they had been seeing. The same pattern you had found happening with your relationship with Mingyu. It was not as if you didn’t love Mingyu, you do. And he loved you too. But as time strengthen some relationships, yours only wore it down. Mingyu was constantly distracted by his college, his devotion to his music projects, his friend group that doesn’t include you and Wonwoo. This is when you start to realise that love was not a given. It was supposed to be a companion you were supposed to caress, feed and entertain. It was a guest, that came knocking into two people’s heart. And when the people in question started to be too busy to take care of it like they used to, love began to walk out the door. And so then, when Mingyu began to choose hanging out with his band, instead of you, or when you made little effort in making Tuesdays with Mingyu happen again, that was when love began to fade into the background.

The breakup was harsh. It was not as if you had been too numb to not feel broken up about ending a year long relationship with Mingyu. You had silently wept for falling out of love, you often question what you could’ve done to make it turn out the other way. You and Mingyu was sitting at the bench in the dorm lawn. It was almost midnight, so no one could’ve overheard the silent sobs. “It’s hurting me. That we are together, but I don’t feel for you anymore. I feel for the memories. I clung to it as if it’s the only thing I have. It pains me.” Mingyu’s words would not leave your head for years to come. And you had silently nodded in pain, because it was hurting you too. To look at Mingyu, and to wish loudly that things were as they were before. It hurt you to look at Mingyu and could only think of the past when the memories of present was what supposed to hook you onto reality.

He had went inside after that. That night, Mingyu didn’t walk you home and take his usual 5 minutes detour. But Wonwoo did. Like all best friends do, upon seeing Mingyu coming into the room looking completely distressed, something in Wonwoo snapped. He grabbed his coat, ran down the stairs and caught you silently crying on the bench. Wonwoo walked you home. Staying completely silent all the way there. Tucked you in to bed, and brew you coffee. He stayed with you the whole night, skipped class the next day, and moved out of his dorm the next day. “I just think it would be awkward seeing Mingyu after this.” He had said when you asked him why. You promised you would help him find a place.

Before you two had found one though, Wonwoo stayed at your place for a couple of days.  And then days turn to weeks. You had an extra spare bed you only used if your parents come to visit, and Wonwoo was welcomed to occupy it anytime he want. It was quite a comical set up, Wonwoo sleeping on the extra bed in front of the tv, and you on safely tucked in your bedroom. Wonwoo’s stuff splattered everywhere in his space, yours neatly stacked in your bedroom. You having to walk over Wonwoo sleeping body when you had to go to the bathroom at 3 in the morning. It was quite comical, but it was extra magical. Wonwoo was the best roommate anyone could ever ask for, he made dinner sometimes, do the dishes regularly, he’d watched shitty tv with you all the time, and he’s basically a kickass friend. You didn’t want to admit it but having Wonwoo living with you clearly made your days a whole lot better. You slept better knowing the safety of Wonwoo’s presence. You studied better, because Wonwoo always offered to study with you—knowing that someone willingly endured a form of torture with you, had given you an extra serotonin boost. You almost wished he would never found his own place.

The one night that you highlighted vividly in your memory about this chapter you shared with Wonwoo, was the night of your final exams. Exams had always tortured you. You always had this innate need to do everything perfectly, but also freaking out over the limited time that you have in studying. It was not a strange phenomenon that sometime you broke down crying before an exam, it was an accepted reality. Especially, when the days are extremely bad. You would cry harder, or break easier. There was nothing in between.

When Wonwoo noticed this, he calmed you down immensely. You were instantly reminded of how Wonwoo’s presence provided you this strange sense of calmness that softened all your edges. Wonwoo told you not to get too hung up over it, you’ll ace it anyway, you’ll be fine, in his deep baritone voice you secretly admired. The cherry on top of the sundae was when Wonwoo brought you to your room, tucked you in lightly so you would sleep. “It’s okay to sleep now. We’ve been studying since 5, we can continue again tomorrow morning. Besides your exams didn’t start until the day after tomorrow right?” The way he said it so calmly just forced rationality inside your head, you did nothing but nod. You caressed Wonwoo’s hand lightly as he sat by your bed to fiddle with his phone. Anyone who didn’t comprehend the bond you had with Wonwoo would think that what you were doing implied that you were his girlfriend. But anyone who shared the same bond probably knew better. But you weren’t so sure you knew better either.

“Won. Please don’t leave.”

“What? I’m not leaving. I’m right here.” He said, not peeling his eyes off the screen. “I mean just sleep here tonight. I have plenty of room.” At that Wonwoo directed his gaze at you. Undoubtedly surprise at your statement. This, was the one activity you had never done together. “Are you sure?” He asked. Wonwoo, the compassionate, quiet guy, who had helped you strengthen your grip on reality, time and time again. Sometimes you ask yourself if you even deserve him. “I’m serious. Just sleep!” You tugged at his hand and tapped at the empty space beside you. “Okay..” He agreed, and proceeded to take off his glasses, put down his phone and lay down beside you. Granted, with Wonwoo on the bed, the space seemed to shrink.

“Are you comfortable?” He asked innocently. “Ugh, don’t make this awkward Won. Just flop on the bed, lay in it, whatever. My bed is your bed, too.” You said as you stare at him. Head propped on the pillow. It was not long after that you started snoring. And so did Wonwoo. Secretly he liked sharing your bed. Your warmth provided him a strange sense of comfort he never experienced before. Wonwoo, only wondered, not out loud though, at the strange beat of his heart that night.

The nights after that wasn’t as bad as the first one. Sometimes you flop over his bed in front of the tv and slept with him. Sometimes he slept on your bed. It was a shared routine that you two never talked about. Not a single word said about the nature of this new activity.

A couple of nights after, you were casually scrolling through your instagram feed only to be greeted with a picture of Mingyu, and a girl you recognised was his classmate. You didn’t know what it meant. Had it meant Mingyu was completely over you? Did he do it just to piss you off? You realised you were living in bliss when you were with Wonwoo. Completely unaware of the world going on out there. Almost like a honeymoon, you thought, but then quickly dismissed the thought as if it were foul. But that picture of Mingyu had completely shattered the serenity that sheltered you and Wonwoo. You threw your phone across the room. Seemingly seething with anger.

“The hell? What is wrong with you?” He began to walk and pick up the phone. Mingyu’s smile was still plastered on the phone. The same exact page. “Oh.” He said when he realised what it was all about. “Yeah. Oh.” Your voice was dripping with venom. Only then did you realise how your anger at the breakup has never really subsided. It was as if anger comes in waves, and this was about to crash, loudly. Wonwoo calmly put the phone down to pull you into a tight hug. His hug felt calming. If your anger was like waves, Wonwoo’s hug was like a lighthouse.

You were sitting next to him on his bed, your head atop his shoulder, and his chin atop yours. “I’m sorry.” He said, softly. You made a mental note that you could recognise his voice, anywhere, anytime. You only shrugged in response. Did your relationship not mean anything to Mingyu? It hurts the most when it almost meant the world to you. You were cherishing the way Wonwoo’s arms curled on your shoulders was like a sign of protection. It in and of itself, meant you’re safe. You could only wonder how someone could be of such importance to another person.

“You know, you shouldn’t build houses out of people, y/n. Because they come and go. So easily. Almost like it’s nothing.” He finally pulled himself away from his initial position to stare at you right in the eyes. His eyes, you’ve always thought was like a cat’s. But now you realised the gaze, the fire flaming behind it, it looked more like a fox’s. Everything about Wonwoo in that moment, reminded you of safety, protection, familiarity and home. He was the only thing in New York that tied you to home. You both came from the same small town, you knew the same people, you’ve been his friend since college barely even started. Wonwoo was, in every sense of the word, home. And that night you’ve decided to come back.

You’d like to think you were never on your right mind when you’re sad. You were always making rash decisions you would later either regret, or forget. You never really know what was into you, to get you to pull him by the t-shirt, close the distance between you two that initially felt like 5 miles, but was now nothing but a shared breath. You kissed him, so hard that it felt like you were drowning. Later in life, when someone offered you to pick between chocolate covered caramel and peppermint candies, you made sure to pick the latter. Because that night, Wonwoo smelled like peppermint candies, and you couldn’t get it out of your mind. Almost as if it was driving you crazy.

You’d like to think you were pushed by all the pent up anger, the unsaid feelings about how you secretly liked Wonwoo’s touch, Wonwoo’s presence beside you on the bed, just Wonwoo. It could’ve been the way Wonwoo was literally sitting underneath the moonlight, basking in all of its glory. It could’ve been the way his fox like eyes stared at you like no one ever does before, like he understood you, through and through. It could’ve been anything. All you knew was if you didn’t kiss Wonwoo, you would’ve gone insane. “Kiss me, Won.” You murmured against his lips. And to your surprise, he did. He kissed you like he had never kissed anyone before.

He, on the other hand, liked to think, he was carried off. He didn’t know what has gotten into his right mind kissing you like that. Like he was hungry. Like he was in pain. He had pushed all other thoughts from his mind. That night there was only you. He looked into your eyes, and was reminded of the person you have always been to him. The only person who would listen to his nerdy ramblings about movies. The only person who remembered the names of all his cousins who always caused him trouble. The only person worth a damn in this whole world. It was not long before his hands found the buttons of your shirt, and your hands slid into his back, passionately lifting his t-shirt. When he pulled himself off of you to breathe, you recited him, “I shouldn’t build houses out of people, because they leave. But you, you’re my best friend Won. You would never leave.” You pulled him into a kiss one more time, and that night was the night the two of you came home.

iv. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love

“Jeon Wonwoo!”

Wonwoo, startled, immediately turned around to see who that was. The owner of the voice was Kwon Soonyoung, his childhood best friend. Wonwoo had his hand on your back, slowly ushering you to Soonyoung’s direction. Kwon Soonyoung was a handsome 20-something year old. He was tall, not taller than Wonwoo, you made a mental note to yourself. His figure was very lean, like the figure of a professional figure skaters, or that of a professional dancer. Wonwoo with a grin stamped all over his face went up to him and gave him the tightest hug.

It was a festive evening. To be precise, it was Wonwoo’s friend, Seungcheol’s wedding. “Crazy how he is only a year older than me, but he’s getting married. Meanwhile, I couldn’t even score a date?”

Strange as it may seems, that one eventful night was the only time you slept with Wonwoo. You two woke up the other day, brushed each other’s hair, straightened your t-shirts and went on with life like nothing had happened. You had always thought it was one of two things; either it meant nothing, or it had meant everything and the weight of the thought had rendered your tongue useless. Either way, the two of you had never mentioned dating, or sex, or relationship in front of the other. As if it was a silent pact. The fact that this pact was never officially made just confirmed that Wonwoo and you practically operated on the same braincells.

“It’s because you have never made a move! Jeon Wonwoo, how are girls supposed to get to know you if you never made a move?” Unlike a normal person, Jeon Wonwoo never thought other girls exist besides you. It was always you, he thought of. You’re the only person he would call if he got into a fight with his mom. You’re the only person that should know his in depth feelings about his classmates. You’re the only person he thought of for a date to a friend’s wedding. After all, you’re his best friend.

“It feels like we haven’t seen each other in years!” Soonyoung exclaimed. The way he inserts himself into conversations strangely feels familiar. Soonyoung has a presence that made you immediately felt embraced, and at ease. He kind of reminded you of Wonwoo that way. “It’s because we truly haven’t, moron! How are you doing? I see you’re still getting 0 luck with girls.” Wonwoo teased him. The way the two interacted, made you think of brothers who have been separated for too long. Soonyoug playfully slapped Wonwoo’s back and gulped down his champagne. “Aish, don’t go flexing on me now that you got yourself a beautiful girlfriend!” He said, gesturing to you who were just standing there.

“Me? I’m not his girlfriend! I would never! No offense to you though, Won.” A smile emerged on Wonwoo’s face. It is a running joke that you would never date Wonwoo, and vice versa. You once told him, “At this point, we’re practically twins!”

“None taken, my lady.” Wonwoo said, still with the smile on his face. “Oh! Thank god. I was about to give you a whole essay on why you should rethink your decision.” Soonyoung teased, winking at you. At that the three of you laughed. You’ve never met Wonwoo’s childhood friends before. But he had always assured you, they’re like family to him, so they should be family to you too.

You, Soonyoung, and Wonwoo took up a table of five, joined by Seungkwan, and Seokmin who just happened to know Seungcheol too. You gave Boo Seungkwan a kiss on the cheek, reminding him how much you missed him. Seungkwan and Seokmin was such a comedic duo, you couldn’t help but burst with laughter every five minutes or so. It was one of those days where you really enjoyed yourself.

Weddings were not particularly your type of events. Strangely though, weddings were always graced with a type of magic that you could sense through the air. It might be because of how weddings itself was supposed to be the strongest union of two individuals who loved each other endlessly, and sacred enough that it could only be broken through death. It could be because a wedding is the happiest moments of a person’s life. It could be because for everyone else who was invited, it was a chance to reunite with old friends, and families.

And that night, the magic poured on your cheeks like raindrops. That night, as you sat by Wonwoo’s side. Feeling strangely nervous for finally meeting Wonwoo’s friends, he held your hands so tight, as if it was a secret message. And the message reads; don’t worry, you’re safe. What’s crazy is how he never let go of your hand the entire night. It was an unspoken gesture, but it was there. Even when you have finally loosen up, and laughed along with Seungkwan and Seokmin, he still wouldn’t let go.

When Seungcheol came up to the stage, serenaded with lovely romantic tunes, and began to start his speech, an homage to his wife. The night began to descend into something you are not entirely sure of.

“If I was supposed to describe my wife in three words, I’m going to be at a loss of words. Because how do you even try to describe someone so attentive, so caring, so beautiful, entirely intelligent, possesses the kindest heart, with just three words? 

My wife has given me everything I thought I didn’t deserve.”

During that pause, Wonwoo clutched your hand a little bit tighter.

“I was not the least bit stable when I first met her. That is even an understatement. I was just a mess. I was all over the place. I was late on bills, I was fired from my previous two jobs, and worse, I preferred to be drunk than having to face any of that senseless reality.”

This time you clutched his hand tighter. At one point, you could feel your own breath flowing in and out of your lungs.

“But, my wife? She was like a god sent. She came into my life like the angel Gabriel. Gave me a sense of direction. Helped me get sober. Helped me find a place to live that was not my mother’s basement.” Seungcheol earned quite a number of chuckles at that. But if you look clearly, his wife’s, as well as his friend’s eyes were starting to brim with tears. It must’ve been a dark chapter in his life.

“This woman practically saved my life.”

You turned your head, to get a look at Wonwoo. He was still staring directly at the stage, there were bits of tear on his clear, perfect eyes. As you look at him, you were only reminded of one thing. That night at your place, where Wonwoo was basking in the moonlight. Tonight, it was as if he was the moonlight. His grip on your hands felt like a comfort, security. The way he had always made you feel.

“So, when they asked me to write an homage to the angel who I’m now proud to call my wife, I thought, ‘man, how am I supposed to do that?’”

Wonwoo must’ve felt your stares, because now he was looking at you. There was such tenderness in his eyes, that couldn’t be compared. You’ve never seen Wonwoo this way before. Like a godsent. There was only one time that almost, briefly mimics this moment. It was the day you two went to the beach, for the first time together. Wonwoo was staring straight into the sunset, the wind whipping his hair, the glow of the sunset framing his visage. The scene was so dreamy, you almost thought it didn’t happen.

“Man, I suck at this. I hope my wife isn’t disappointed.”

Again, Seungcheol earned a number of laughter at that. And from the looks of it, his wife isn’t in any how disappointed. There were visible tears running down her cheeks, threatening to undo her makeup.

“So, let’s all raise our glass.”

Wonwoo’s stares was like daggers in your heart. Threatening to undo a secret long unraveled.

“To the most beautiful woman, I have ever met.”

As Wonwoo was fixing his stare at you, everything seems to finally made sense. There has always been a reason why you fit him more than his favourite sweater. To the most beautiful woman, I have ever met, a sentence fit only for you.

“To the love of my life.”

Claps erupted from all around the venue. And when you knew, you knew.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Answer asap (I feel bad saying that, but I'm stuck). Do you have any resources for dating/not dating non-christians? A dear friend of mine told me they care for me, and I feel the same for them, but... all the resources online warn again and again not to date non-christians lest they endanger my faith. I feel like going forward with this would be ignorant at best and would set us both up for heartbreak. And I fear my fear itself would lead to me trying to convert them. But I still care for them.

Hey, anon! Thanks for reaching out -- the rhetoric among many Christians against interfaith relationships, particularly with the argument that they’re “unequally yoked,” is something I haven’t addressed in years, and have been meaning to discuss again. 

Little disclaimer at the start that this stuff is so contextual, and it’s personal -- I don’t know your life as well as you do, or this friend of yours like you do. Maybe what i say doesn’t fit you and your situation. 

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To begin, I firmly believe that interfaith relationships can be and often are truly beautiful, holy partnerships. (This includes relationships in which one or multiple members identifies as an atheist / otherwise doesn’t ascribe to a particular religion.) 

When both (or all) members are respectful of one another’s beliefs, and find as much joy in learning as in teaching their partner(s), their unique perspectives can deeply enrich one another. You can bear good fruit together that glorifies God and nourishes others. 

This being said, you definitely want to at least begin working through your worries and fears before starting to date this person. If you enter the relationship overwhelmed with fear or guilt about dating them, it’ll bring a lot of resentment and angst. The rest of this post points out things you’ll want to reflect on and read up on before entering this or any interfaith relationship -- and offers resources that can help.

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Interfaith Partners: Always “Unequally Yoked”?

I’m sure you’ve seen a certain phrase on those websites you mentioned, drawn from 2 Corinthians 6:14 -- “unequally yoked.”  I’m going to end this post with some alternative ways of interpreting this verse, but what Christians who advise against interfaith relationships take it to mean is something like this:

Just as two animals yoked to the same plow should be of equal strength and on the same page so that one doesn’t do more of the work, or get tugged away from the work by the other one, two partners should also be of equal “spiritual” strength and on the same page when it comes to their faith...

And of course, these people will say, a person who is Christian is definitely spiritually stronger than any non-Christian -- and a non-Christian might just pull them away from The Way, getting them to skip church or prayers or even stop being Christian entirely.

But there are a lot of assumptions there that don’t hold true in every relationship, right? First off, who says every Christian is necessarily “spiritually stronger” than every non-Christian? To claim that is to assume that non-Christians don’t also have access to spirituality or to the Divine -- which I’m going to push against throughout this post. 

Furthermore, the assumption that a non-Christian partner will definitely harm your own Christian faith doesn’t have to be true, as I’ll get to in a second.

So yeah, keeping these assumptions about an interfaith relationship being inherently “unequally yoked” in mind, and with a plan on returning to this phrase at the end, let’s move on to specific things you should think about before entering an interfaith relationship. 

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Must a non-Christian partner “endanger” your faith -- or can they enrich it?

If being open to learning about how our fellow human beings perceive the world, humanity, and the divine “endangers one’s faith,” perhaps that kind of faith was not made to last. Perhaps it has to give way in order to birth a new, deeper faith -- a faith that is bold enough to wrestle with God as Jacob did; broad enough to survive questions and doubts and times of grief; and wise enough to perceive the Spirit blowing wherever She will (John 3:8), not only among Christians.

If your partner truly respects you and your faith even if it’s different from theirs, they’ll do what they can to help you be the best Christian you can be -- or at the very least, they will give you the space and time you need to go to church, pray, etc. And you will do the same, helping them to be the best Muslim, Buddhist, or simply person they can be.

I highly recommend asking this friend of yours before you start dating what their thoughts are on your being a Christian, and/or on Christianity in general.

Is it something that makes them happy for you? is it something that makes them deeply uncomfortable? or something that they don’t have strong feelings one way or the other on? .

How “involved” would they be open to being in your faith? Would they be interested in going to church with you, as long as they could trust you weren’t trying to force them into anything? Would they enjoy talking about your varying beliefs together and how they impact your lives? Or would they never ever want you to bring up Christianity (which I imagine for you would be a deal breaker)? .

Be open and honest with one another about what expectations you each have about things like boundaries around discussing faith, about time and space you each want for practicing your faith, etc. As you seem aware, it’s better to get all this clear before you start dating, to avoid problems later down the road! 

For an example of what such discussions might look like, I found this story from Robert Repta, a Christian man married to a Jewish man. Their union, he says, has included working out what it means not only to be gay persons of faith, but also persons of two different faiths:

“Ultimately, what happened was that in our struggles to find ourselves, we ended up growing closer together. We both supported and challenged each other. We began asking each other bigger life questions and talking about religion, God, science. Both of our lives were evolving, and what started to happen was that we started seeing the similarities in our core beliefs more than the differences. Some of those beliefs even evolved along the way.

We both believed in God. We both believed that God is love. We volunteered together. He would occasionally come with me to church, and I would occasionally go with him to the synagogue. Eventually, I could see that the common thread between us was unconditional love. The same unconditional love of God.”

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On pressuring a non-Christian partner to convert -- assumptions about Christian superiority & fearing for their afterlife destination

It’s really good you recognize that it might end up being hard for you not to try to get this person to convert! Before dating them, you should keep reflecting on this and decide whether that’s something you can let go of or not. If it’s not, then you’re probably right in thinking this relationship won’t work out. 

It would be highly disrespectful to this person you care about to pressure them to become a Christian in order for you to feel okay about being with them. (And for more thoughts on how evangelism and conversion as carried out by many Christians isn’t what Jesus had in mind, see this post.) Doing so would imply a lot of things, including that you don’t think they’re a worthy or equal partner unless they make this big change, that whatever beliefs or ideologies they currently hold are inferior to yours, etc.

In order for your interfaith relationship to go well, you would need to come to understand non-Christians as being equally made in God’s image, equally worthy of dignity, equally capable of doing good in the world. You’d have to come to believe that there is much of value within their own religion / ideology that you as a Christian could learn from. 

Let’s bring in our lovely Christian/Jewish couple from before: as his relationship with David developed, Robert discovered that 

“God is not conformed to this world we live in; God does not belong solely to the Pentecostals or the Baptists, to the Jews or Gentiles, to Muslims or Zoroastrians. Two of the most profound self-identifiers God calls himself in the Bible is “love” and “I am.””

Here are a few resources that can help you explore the idea that other religions are as valid as Christianity and also have much wisdom to bring to the world:

I highly recommend you check out the book Holy Envy by Barbara Brown Taylor to help you explore how you can be a devout Christian and learn from and form mutual relationships with persons who are not Christian. You can check out passages from the book in my tag here. .

You might also like my two podcast episodes on interfaith relationships (in general, not romantic ones, but the same material applies) -- episode 30, “No One Owns God: Readying yourself for respectful interfaith encounters” and episode 31, “It's good to have wings, but you have to have roots too": Cultivating your faith while embracing religious pluralism.” You can find links to both episodes as well as their transcripts over on this webpage. .

There might also be some helpful stuff in my #interfaith tag or #other faiths tag if you wander around. .

Simply getting to know whatever religion this friend does belong to (or what ideologies and value systems they maintain if they’re atheist / non-religious) can also be super helpful. Ask them what resources they can think of that can help get to know their religion as they experience it. Attend worship service (virtually works!), seek out folks on social media who share their religion, etc. I bet you’ll find a lot that you have in common -- and hopefully you’ll find some of the differences thought-provoking and enriching to your own understandings of Divinity!

I’m guessing a lot of your worry stems from the assumption that non-Christians don’t go to heaven. If you believe that not being a Christian leads to hell after death, it’s very hard to view non-Christians and their beliefs as equal to your own!

That Holy Envy book discusses this genuine fear many Christians have on behalf of non-Christians, and how to let it go.  .

Here’s a post with links to other posts describing the belief that many faithful and serious Christians hold that non-Christians don’t all get whisked to hell. .

And a post on the harm done by fearmongering about hell. .

Finally, a little more on the academic side but if you’re interested in some history behind Christian views of hell that can help you see that there really is no one “true” belief here, check out the links in this post.

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Reinterpreting “unequally yoked”

I said we’d get back to this, and here we are! While the easiest to find interpretation of 2 Corinthians 6:14′s “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” is that it argues against interfaith marriage, there are other ways to read this text.

I adore this article I found on the passage from a Christian minister who is married to a Hindu monk -- “Unequally Yoked”: How Christians Get Interfaith Marriage Wrong.” Incredibly, Rev. J. Dana Trent writes that when she and her now-husband dug into 2 Corinthians 6:14 to see what it was all about, she found that 

“An ancient scripture meant to deter us from getting involved with each other actually brought us together. Our core beliefs in God became the focus of our study and relationship, not the issues that divided us.”

She also explains that biblical scholars say this verse isn’t even specifically about interfaith marriage -- which becomes clear when you read the full chapter surrounding it! It’s more general -- about the hazards of “working with” an unbeliever.

And what exactly is an unbeliever? Paul and other “believers” of these very early days of Christianity had a different definition than we might today -- an “unbeliever” wasn’t synonymous with “non-Christian,” because Christianity hadn’t even solidified into an actual religion yet! Instead, a nonbeliever was "anyone exposed to but was not faithful to Christ’s teachings—someone not characterized by devotion, love, peace, mercy, and forgiveness.” 

In other words, if a person in those early days was told about the good news of Jesus that entailed things like liberation of the oppressed and love of neighbor, they didn’t have to “become a Christian” to accept that good news. And thus, Rev. Trent continues,

“Today, my husband’s deep Hindu faith has taught me to dig deeper into what Jesus would have me do. Perhaps Paul might have even considered me an “unbeliever,” as I claimed to be a baptized Christian, but my life did not inwardly and outwardly reflect the Gospel. Since marrying Fred, I re-attuned my life to Christian spiritual practices: spending more time in contemplative prayer, practicing non-violence through a vegetarian diet, limiting my consumption, and increasing my service to others.

Much to many Christians’ dismay, it took a person of another faith—a seemingly “unequally yoked” partner, to strengthen my Christian walk.”

Isn’t it beautiful to hear how this relationship between a Christian minister and Hindu monk has born good fruit for both of them? They help one another become the best Christian and best Hindu they can be, respectively. They are both so deeply committed to faith -- that doesn’t sound like an “unequal yoking” to me.

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Whew, this got long! But it’s a big topic, and one I hope you’ll take the time to explore. Bring God into it; bring your friend into as much as they’re comfortable. And feel free to come back and ask me more questions as you go.

If anyone knows of other articles or other resources that explore the good fruit that can come from an interfaith partnership, please share! 

[steves-on-a-plane]

Trending Cap

Words: 843 Pairing: Sam Wilson X Reader Also Staring: Bucky Barnes Summary: When Reader finds out Sam, as the new Captain America, isn't planning on doing anything special to celebrate 4th of July she suggests he recreates a viral TikTok trend. With the help of Reader and Bucky, Sam adds his own twist to the trend to great success.

“So, what are you doing for the fourth, Sam Eagle?” You asked the newly minted Captain America. You tossed yourself onto his couch and made yourself comfortable in his Washington, DC apartment.

“Who the hell is Sam Eagle?” Sam laughed.

“He’s a Muppet.” Bucky supplied as he walked into the kitchen carrying a six pack of beers. “He’s an eagle Muppet who’s whole personality is freedom and loving America. You have wings and you’re Captain America now. Also, your name is Sam. It’s a very funny joke.” He assured.

“Now you expect me to believe you know who the Muppets are?” Sam shook his head as Bucky began packing his beers into the fridge.

“I have a television in my apartment.” Bucky reminded him.

“To answer your question, [Y/N], this is what I’m doing. Sarah’s taking the boys off on a long weekend trip so I invited my two friends over and I’m going to cook some food, we’re going to hang out.” Sam shrugged. “What more could I want?”

“Ok, but I meant more like what are you doing as Captain America?” You clarified. “Like I know Steve used to go way over the top because it was his birthday and all, but are you not even going to post like a Cap meme or TikTok dance or anything?”

“A TikTok dance?” Sam chuckled.

“Why not?” You shrugged. “Maybe not a dance, but there’s this audio that’s been getting pretty popular.”

You reached for your phone which was dangling precariously off the edge of Sam’s coffee table. You opened the TikTok app and searched for the audio you wanted. Once you found it you played it for Bucky and Sam. The Audio started with the Star-Spangled Singer’s singing the verse of The Star Spangled Man with a Plan, the song from Steve’s old USO shows. Once the audio reached the line “We can’t ignore there’s a front and a war we must win” the background music changed to a more modern beat mixed with Sam’s very recent speech “I know there are millions of people who are going to hate me for it. Even now, here, I feel it. The stares, the judgement, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. And I’m still here. No super serum. No. Blonde hair or blue eyes. The only power I have is that I believe we can do better.”

“The trend is sort of a way to celebrate you as the new Cap.” You explained. “What most people do is they’ll do something like wear 1940’s fashion until the part where the music changes and then they switch to modern clothes. There are also some pretty impressive cosplays on here with homemade suits. For those typically its someone who starts out in a replica Steve suit and ends in a replica of yours. Usually they’ll act all hokey and exaggerated during the first bit and switch to a very serious lip-sync when it gets to the Captain Sam part.”

“[Y/N]’s right.” Bucky commented as he scrolled through TikTok on his own phone. “Walker might not be the only one you have to fight for the shield. These are some pretty impressive…what did you call them?”

“Cosplayers.” You supplied.

“Dress up people.” Bucky nodded.

“Alright, you’ve convinced me.” Sam nodded. “But the two or you have to help me.”

“Perfect! I’ve always wanted to raid your closet!” C’mon Buck, you can be my onset 1940s fashion consultant.” You dragged him towards Sam’s bedroom.

“[Y/N]! Don’t even think about taking one of my flannel shirts!” Sam called after you.

“Two shirts it is then!” You shouted back.

With Bucky’s help you were able to piece together a presentable 1940s stye outfit from Sam’s closet. The outfit consisted of Khaki slacks, a brown belt, brown leather shoes and a brown and beige stripped shirt. The collar wasn’t exactly wide enough for the time, Bucky wanted to point out, but it would do in a pinch. Luckily the wallpaper in the living room of Sam’s apartment looked ancient. It probable hadn’t been updated since the 1920’s let alone the 40s.

So, you positioned Sam in a corner of the room where most of his modern amenities were out of sight and filmed him dancing and mouthed along to the Star Spangled Man song. When the music stopped you stopped filming. Sam changed most of the way into his cap suit. He gave you the signal and you began filming. Sam added on pieces to his outfit, like his wings, and his goggles while repeating his speech. When he reached his final line “I believe we can do better.” He looked directly into the camera. You held his gaze for a second before cutting off the recording.

“People are going to love it, Sam.” You told him confidently.

“We’ll see I guess.” He took his phone from you and added his own caption to the video. “Wanted to get in on the trend. Have a safe and happy 4th of July.” He added in a few hashtags before posting the video.

“Now will the two of you let me enjoy the rest of my day in peace?” Sam asked setting his phone down.

“I don’t know, I kind of want to see you make a Sam Eagle TikTok now that [Y/N] has put that idea in my head.” Bucky announced.

“This is my place.” Sam reminded you both. “I can kick you out any time.”

“I was promised cold beer and free food. I’m not leaving until I get both.” Bucky insisted. “And don’t bother asking if I’d throw hands with Captain America because we both know you wouldn’t be the first or even the second to find out that answer is yes.” Bucky sat down on the couch you’d once occupied. Sam had a witty retort prepped and ready to fire, but his phone began to buzz in his hand.

“Our TikTok’s got a like.” He shared proudly. His phone buzzed again. “Oh another one!”

“There’s a few comments too.” Bucky said. “’Welcome to the App Cap’ and ‘It’s the 40’s fit for me.’ [Y/N], what does fit mean?”

Within minutes Sam’s phone was booming with notifications. They were happening so frequently he had to set the sound to completely silent just so he could hear himself think. There were a few negative comments. Someone had dredged out the classic “Not My Cap” hashtag, but overall the response was positive. After twenty-four hours the video had over 500 thousand likes and ten thousand comments.

“[Y/N], you want a job as my social media/PR?” Sam jokingly texted you the next morning. “But seriously, it was a good idea. Thanks for the assist.”

“Anything for you, Cap.” You replied back. “You can pay me back with dinner next Saturday night. I’m still dreaming of last night’s dinner. Oh also, I stole a flannel from your closet.” You added a winking emoji before sending Sam a photo of you wearing his flannel shirt.

“It’s yours.” He replied. “That shirt’s never looked so good.”

“I can think of one place it might look better. You’re floor.” You sent, trying to sound flirty.

“That’s probably where you found it in the first place.” He messaged back with a series of laugh emojis. “You can return it if you want.”

“You’re so oblivious!” You told him with an eyeroll emoji. “The shirt is mine, and…” But before you could send another reply a new message from Sam came through.

“I’m just joking. Are you free tomorrow for dinner?” He wanted to know.

“We just had dinner together yesterday.” You reminded him.

“Now who’s oblivious? You have to eat every day don’t you? And Bucky wont be at this dinner.” He texted back all in one message.

“Ohhhhhh.” You typed several extra ‘H’s to emphasize your realization. “I’ll see you at 6, your place.”

[secretgamergirl]

A Little Horrifying Primer on Transphobes

Some time ago, I put together a Little Fact Checking Primer on Trans People, as a basic resource for disabusing people of some of the many completely ridiculous yet absurdly widespread beliefs about trans people that simply have no basis whatsoever in reality. And wouldn’t you know it, every single lie exposed in that primer is not only still widely believed, but is presently being used as a basis to sign some absolutely horrific human rights abuses into law. So it’s high time I follow that up, in this case focused more on who keeps actively spreading these lies and why. I’m going to try and keep things as light as I can here, but we’re going to be looking at the most monstrous side of human nature, so apologies in advance if this is a dark read.

First, let me just note that there are two things I don’t plan to do in this piece. I’m not going to waste time debunking the arguments of the people I’m highlighting (much of this is already covered in my earlier primer, others have done the work in cases where I haven’t, and frankly these people’s claims should be self-evidently utter nonsense to begin with). I am also going to be very selective in what I link to, or even share related images of, as I would frankly not like to fill a post on a blog I generally try to keep safe for all audiences with media directly dealing with, for instance, child sexual assault, and much of the relevant information also involves stochastic terrorism against innocent people, and I would prefer not to throw more fuel onto such fires.

Transphobes lie constantly, about everything.

To some degree this is obvious. We’re talking about people who scaremonger about the possibilities of trans women dominating competitive sports and assaulting people in restrooms, despite the status quo already reflecting the conditions they insist would make these inevitibilities for decades and centuries respectively, and their grim visions never once having come to pass, and also constantly insisting that the woman in the photo below is actually a man, going further to say this is evident to anyone giving her the merest glance.

It goes beyond that though. There’s at least a little plausible deniablity in claims like this, or that “science is on their side” if they were simply uninformed about the world they live in, never actually looking into what laws exist, what science actually says, and never actually meeting a trans person or even seeing a picture of one of us. I’m talking really bold lies here. Like wholecloth fabricating a story that a convicted murder was trans, including anecdotes about wigs dresses and a planned name change, in a major newspaper. Or to cite an old favorite of mine, the time a pack of bigots walked up to a crowd of people peacefully picketing a transphobic legal proposal, started roughing them up and taking closeup photos of members of the crowd to stalk online when they got home, got sufficiently riled up for one to straight up assault an innocent person half her size, filmed the whole thing, uploaded it to youtube, and used stills of that assault as acomanying photos when they went home to write articles about the assailant being a “grandmother” attacked by rowdy trans women. And yes, they did monkey’s paw my wish to see that specific image on newspapers. Interesting side note, when it came to real public light that J.K. Rowling endorsed this sort of hatred, it was because she accidentally pasted some profanity laden rambling about how the imagined moral character of the other party in that incident, years after the fact, into a post praising a child’s fan art of her work.

To be a little less niche, transphobes can’t get enough of spreading the lie that the young fellow in this photo is a girl. Specifically a trans girl, providing proof that all their scaremongering about the dastardly threat of trans girls in competitive sports has finally come to pass.

To be fully clear, that’s a man (or a boy if you want to split hairs about him being 17 in that photo). Mack Beggs. A rather insidious choice for this sort of story, considering the actual context for that photo. See, Beggs attended high school in Texas, during a (still ongoing as I write this) period wherein that particular state had caved to this exact sort of propaganda, and in order to head off a wholly imagined wave of trans girls competing on girls’ sports teams, and enacted a law mandating that in all such competitions must compete under whatever gender is stated on their birth certificates. And as it happens, the first, and to my knowledge ONLY time this has come up was with Beggs here, who again, is a man, as no one with a grip on reality could argue against, has “female” on his birth certificate. Which is another way of saying he is a trans man. The guys in the same boat as trans women who we talk about a whole hell of a lot less because their existence is extremely inconvenient to the majority of transphobic propaganda. Case in point. And this is all information it is really impossible to come across if you’re coming across this photo in any sort of respectable source. Take this story, which is as unambiguous about this as you can get. And yet, in the very comments section of that story, there they are. Carrying on like this story about a trans guy, forced by a transphobic law to compete as a girl, which he absolutely did not want, and received horrific threats over, using phrases like “female to male” and bringing up that he was assigned female at birth and is on testosterone-based HRT, is about a trans woman cheating the system. Or to quote word for word, “Now also transgender female want to be male also compete in female sport. biological born“ That’s not “being confused,” that’s standing next to you in a white desert and complaining about being adrift in a black ocean, bald-faced, not even trying to be convincing just make a power play, lying through one’s teeth.

I could spend this whole article on just this point. Lying about who they are, various people’s falsified credentials, whole websites full of “anonymous parents of children who think they’re trans” turning out to be one single woman documenting the abuse of her very much trans son, or of course the people behind the whole “bathroom bill” panic candidly admitting it was all based on utter fiction. I do have other points to cover though.

Transphobes are firmly entrenched in the media.

It is extremely difficult to find oneself in a position of having to explain to people that a particular group of people is effectively in control of press outlets, as that is rather classically a claim conspiracy theorists absolutely love to toss around at various marginalized groups (including trans people hilariously enough, but of course the most common and lingering version of this is the antisemitic variant). I really can’t get around it here though. Specifically in the U.K., you honestly can say that transphobes control the media. I already touched on this with the assault case I mentioned above and the fabricated story about the murderer, but this is a pretty well-documented situation. I mean, even The Guardian calls out The Guardian on this, and that’s the outlet that gets the most attention because it’s the one with the most otherwise respected name, but every paper in the country has been running transphobic propaganda pieces on a weekly if not daily basis for years now, and while they do get reprimanded by watchdog groups and have mass walk-outs over the worst of it, it’s not like there’s some governing body with the authority to step in about it. Meanwhile the BBC is constantly inviting diehard zealots like Graham Linehan to news programs where he compares being trans to being a nazi, and hosting debates where someone just sits down and repeatedly chants the word “penis” at a trans woman.

Things are better in the rest of the world, but we still have right-wing creeps like Jesse Singal both writing horrific propaganda pieces (we’ll get back to that one) and blackballing trans writers out of covering trans issues ourselves (and personally stalking the hell out of those of us who try). We’ve got our Joe Rogans and Tucker Carlsons out there (no way in hell I’m linking videos here, have a real information link and a still).

The line between diehard transphobes and straight-up nazis basically does not exist.

What even is there to say here? You can easily poke around havens for nazi activity for yourself and compare the particular unique vocabulary used there to the primary bastion of anti-trans hate speech on the internet (the “feminism” section of what was originally a site for parenting tips before violent fascists took the forums over) or just peruse the follows of the thousands of people I’ve blocked on social media and see if you can sort out a clear division in the networks of channers with frog avatars and the accounts with names like GoodieXXrealwoman, or you can read up on Gab and Spinster, the two twitter alternatives that are just different portals to the same server, set up by the same guy. Maybe do some research into “the LGB Alliance,” or WoLF but any way you slice it the only real difference to be found is the general purpose nazis take a little time off now and then to watch borderline pedophilic anime and the really dedicated transphobes think to use language that sounds vaguely well-educated and left-leaning. I mean, this came from the “feminist” side of the fence:

And not to belabor the point here, but the ones claiming to be a bunch of “feminist mums” sure do let the mask slip any time they’re confronted with the fact that “women” includes black women, and oh just have a whole thread about all the weird conspiratory theories these people have about how trans people’s whole existence is some sort of Jewish plot for world domination. I swear a few months ago they were all passing around a story about some bank having an above average number of trans employees and they were all just “and we all know who controls the banks, right?” about it.

Transphobes endorse an awful lot of people who are openly pro-pedophila.

This is the part where I am really loath to link the many many specific examples I have on hand. Or to talk about this at all for reasons of good taste. Or, for that matter, to talk about this in a tumblr post when there’s an ongoing problem of people with backgrounds strongly tied to this site making baseless accusations of pedophilia against every queer person they can find, so let me be very clear just what I’m talking about while avoiding anything too graphic.

That’s James Cantor. Transphobes love him for being one of the closest things they have to a scientist on their side. And I am featuring him in a screenshot here showing that he is followed by current queen of the transphobes J.K. Rowling, while speaking to both another big name in transphobic circles, Debra Soh, and based on their names, what I’m guessing is at least one straight-up nazi. And in case you think “the P” he’s talking about adding to LGBT (or “GLBT” as weird anti-queer bigots who also have issues with women often write it) might stand for “poly” or “pan” he’s all too happy to clarify that.

This is the entire thrust of Cantor’s work and life. He is the world’s biggest pedophile rights advocate. He wants it declassified as a mental disorder, all stigma on it removed, and tirelessly pushes forward the idea that the majority of.. people who feel compelled to sexually assault children are good people who present no potential harm to anyone and should in fact be lauded.

I am not generally one to claim that someone with a PhD is spewing out questionable garbage with regard to their field, but the reason I am aware of Cantor at all is that other transphobes keep trying to hold up a particular post on his blog as "a study” (which it is not) that offers “proof” (in the form of a blurry jpeg of basically some random numbers) of some ridiculous quackery about how trans kids will “grow out of it” if exposed to conversion therapy (another way of saying torture), which Cantor himself seems to be pushing, so I am somewhat skeptical of his academic chops. And I am, of course, REALLY suspicious that all these other bigots gravitate to him purely because they’re that desperate to find anyone with a PhD in anything that backs them up against literally every scientist in a relative field, to the point that they merely forgive his particular advocacy they are plainly all aware of, particularly when such a common fig leaf used by transphobes is “keeping children safe from sexual deviants.”

And of course, Cantor is most often invoked when coming to the defense of Kenneth Zucker. This Kenneth Zucker.

Those are separate papers. Zucker isn’t controversial though for organizing panels to discuss how attractive people agree small children are (at least not exclusively). Mostly, he’s known for running a conversion therapy center which subjected gay and trans children to various sorts of torture in an effort to “fix” them, which at least for those trans "patients” I have spoken with involved a fair amount of having them strip completely naked and talking a lot about their genitals.

Zucker is something of a controversial figure with the transphobic scene, as they are extremely on board with his sexual torture of queer children, but he does actual work (for some value of the term) involving trans people and thus is not able to commit as fully as they would prefer to making life horrible for trans people, due to a professional obligation to acknowledge reality now and then. As an aside, the similarly positioned Ray Blanchard, while not to my knowledge particularly interested in the attractiveness of children, lives in a similar purgatory of trying to reconcile his career, bigotry, and sexual hangups, yielding compromises like this:

Of course, that’s just looking at the straws transphobes grasp at when looking for scientific credibility. Real leaders of the movement include Germaine Greer, author of The Beautiful Boy, which is about what you are afraid it might be, and features a very young child in a cover feature he did not consent to posing for. Or Julie Bindel, who among other things is rather infamous for writing whole articles on subjects like whether a teenage girl she came across maybe has a huge penis you can totally see if you really squint at her skirt. Again, I will not share a link to go along with that one.

Transphobes terrorize and attempt to defund charities and other unambiguously good organizations.

Graham Linehan, previously best known for cowriting some sitcoms and possibly spending a year angling to get into my pants so awkwardly I didn’t pick up on it is now best known for trying to pull the plug on a children’s charity, in a story that somehow also involves Donkey Kong. Well, and the interview about nazis. And possibly the other interview about “defending me from nazis” until it got into his head that I might not be as young and hot as he imagined. Rather not link to a far right extremist youtube channel though.

There’s also a current effort to replace Stonewall (an organization named after the location where a pair of trans women kicked off a riot which is generally agreed to be the start of the LGBT+ rights movement) as the UK’s primary LGBT+ rights organization with the “LGB Alliance.” The hate group mentioned above, with the skull face and the rifle. Closest I can find to an article on that effort on short notice that isn’t propaganda.

Transphobes paper areas in truly disgusting propaganda.

I don’t want to directly link to grown adults skulking around children’s playgrounds and bathrooms plastering surfaces with mass printed stickers of crudely drawn penises, but would encourage you to read this very long post, being sure to load all the images, to really understand how deeply strange this behavior gets.

Finally, I cannot stress this enough, this really extreme behavior I’m citing, and the specific people involved in the examples I’m giving, these aren’t random cranks on the fringe of things. The people going on televised panel discussions, writing up news stories, and testifying before lawmakers in efforts to pass horrifically discriminatory if not literally life-endangering laws (there is a major ongoing effort to legally end all medical care for trans people, and I don’t just mean care directly relating to being trans) are literally the same people involved in the sexualization of children, nazi collaborations, and roving gangs assaulting people in the street. At a bare minimum I urge people, when booking guests and handing out writing contracts, to do background checks and see if they’re platforming actual terrorists. If we could actually bring legal consequences to bear against the worst of this, that would be great too. As things stand though, the whole world is just consistently citing a bunch of racist, woman-hating, serial liars with no real credentials, and questionable attitudes towards the sexual abuse of children, as “trusted experts” and refusing to seat actual trans people or people who have legitimately committed lifetimes to academic and practical work with trans people any seats at the table.

[amanda-glassen]

Her Everything

Part of @svuappreciation #WSVU Week. Day 7: Heartbreak. Twelve-year-old Olivia overhears why her mom never told her who her dad is. TW: rape mention.

From March to June, twelve-year-old Olivia’s Saturday mornings would be dedicated to softball. Her team may not have won that morning, but the loss didn’t matter to Olivia. She had hit a homerun and three of her favorite people were there to watch her: her mom, her uncle, and her girlfriend, Alex. It made Olivia particularly proud to see her two favorite women dressed in her team colors. Alex was wearing a mint green v-neck t-shirt with her long hair back in a ponytail with a mint green scrunchie. Her mom wore the t-shirt that all the moms wore but, never being the kind to wear an oversized t-shirt, she had cut it into a tank top to wear with her leggings. Neither her mom nor Alex knew anything about softball, but her uncle Kyle was there to explain everything to them and, even if Alex didn’t understand the game, Olivia didn’t mind as long as her cute good luck charm was there to watch her play.

She and Alex had been a couple for two months and, at twelve, two months felt like a serious commitment, especially because Alex was now allowed to come over on weekends. There wasn’t even the slightest chance that she’d be allowed in Olivia’s room with the door closed, but Olivia didn’t care where they were as long as she was allowed to hold Alex’s hand.

They decided to watch a movie on the couch after the game while Olivia’s mom and uncle were having a glass of wine in the kitchen. Olivia always enjoyed when her uncle visited and she’d overhear the casual back and forth between them－the kind that happened between siblings－the casual teasing, sharing stories, making each other laugh. It was what Olivia sometimes longed to have even if she knew it were impossible.

“I wish I had a brother,” she told Alex.

Alex pressed pause on the remote so she could focus on Olivia without any distractions. “No, you don’t,” she told her, her eyes wide. “Little brothers are annoying. I’ll give you mine for the weekend and you’ll be so glad you’re an only child.”

“Not even,” Olivia insisted. “Your little brother Logan is fun. Remember when me and him built a LEGO T-Rex and your parents took us to the batting cages and I taught him how to hit a curveball?”

Alex batted her eyelashes at her. “That’s because you like boy things.”

“I like you,” Olivia said as she started to tickle her. “And you are definitely not a boy thing.”

“Olivia!” Alex squealed loudly when Olivia continued to tickle her. 

“Girls?” they heard Serena call out from the kitchen. “What are you doing in there?”

“Nothing,” Alex and Olivia responded in unison, although they knew their time alone was now over. She quickly pressed play on the remote and sat a comfortable distance away from Alex.

Her uncle Kyle was the first to enter the living room followed by her mom, both with a full wine glass in hand. “Your mom says we have to come cramp your style, as if she didn’t have her first girlfriend when she was twelve or thirteen,” her uncle said to her. He sat down on an accent chair on one side of the couch while her mom sat down on the other. “What are we watching?”

“The Blair Witch Project,” Alex responded. “I’ve always wanted to see it, but my mom has my Netflix profile set to a Kids’ profile. I never get to watch anything fun. I’m twelve now. I should be able to watch whatever I want.”

“Maybe not whatever you want,” Serena told her. “But I’m sure she’ll let you watch more things little by little. Middle school sleepovers are when most girls start watching horror movies.”

“I remember the first time Serena watched this movie with her friends,” Kyle began. “She had a sleepover for her 13th birthday and there were probably ten girls over. My sister thought she was so cool because she was the only one who wasn’t scared. What she didn’t tell them was that she had watched this movie the night before to prepare herself so she wouldn’t be scared in front of her friends. There’s this scene toward the end where there’s a lot of screaming and that’s when I decided to mess with the circuit breaker and turn all the lights off in the house. Serena ran to our parents’ room, screaming ‘Daddy!’ at the top of her lungs. Just like that, her seventh grade reputation was ruined.”

Olivia was laughing hysterically, but Alex wasn’t so amused. “That sounds like something my little brother would do. Why are boys such jerks?”

Serena gently swirled her wine in the glass before taking a sip. “Boys are jerks until you humble them.”

“Had I known what my sister was capable of, I wouldn’t have spent the first 18 years of my life messing with her and it’d be in your brother’s best interest for him not to mess with you either,” Kyle responded. “Serena and I are best friends now, but when we were kids, I messed with her all the time and she never did anything about it. Little did I know she wasn’t one for petty revenge. My sister is calculated and cunning and she got me back in the best way.”

“How?” Alex asked, wide-eyed. “Is it something I can do, too?”

“Maybe in a few years,” Serena responded. “It was the first time frat boys proved themselves useful. Out of every college in America, he decided to go to the same school I did and join my sorority’s brother fraternity.”

“Had I known my sister had actual henchmen, I wouldn’t have,” Kyle chuckled. “This was 2007, so you know those douchey looking frat boys in teen movies back then with the gelled hair and Abercrombie shirts with the popped collars? That’s exactly what they looked like. They had these rich boy names like Kemper, Bennett, and Bradford, and my sister had all of them wrapped around her finger. They made my life a living hell when I started pledging just because she told them to and when I begged her to call this whole thing off, she said, in the most innocent tone of voice, ‘My darling baby brother, this is only the beginning. You still have eight weeks left.’ After that, I never messed with Serena again. To this day, I won’t even eat the last slice of pizza until I make sure Serena doesn’t want it. There was this other guy, Emerson, who was her best friend at the time－”

“I have to call my girlfriend,” Serena interrupted. “Excuse me.” She quickly got up to leave and Kyle hurried after her.

“Ren, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Ren?”

Although she wanted to check on her mom, she knew whatever her mom was upset about was probably something she had no business asking about, so she decided to stay with Alex. “Everything is okay,” Alex said as she rested her head on Olivia’s shoulder. “My brother and I fight all the time and everything is okay after our parents make us talk about it.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Olivia pressed play on the remote and the two of them watched the movie until the pizza arrived. With free reign to order whatever she wanted, Olivia got two large pizzas, wings, cheesy bread, and pasta. It took both her and Alex to carry it to the table, but Olivia made sure to carry the pizzas because they were the heaviest items and Olivia thought it would show Alex how strong she was. 

“I’ll be right back,” she told Alex once everything was neatly placed on the kitchen table. “Mom! Uncle Kyle! The pizza is here!”

She pressed her ear to the door and kept as quiet as she could so she could hear them talking. 

“How could you even bring him up in front of Olivia?” she heard her mom ask. “Or bring him up in front of me, for that matter? You’ll never understand what he did to me...what he still does to me every time I see him on social media with his wife and kids. He ruined my life when he raped me and it didn’t phase him. I don’t follow him. I don’t search for his name. I blocked him, but there’s no getting away from him in our social circle when everyone knows everyone. I have these constant reminders of the worst night of my life. Even Olivia…I just thought...how could I love someone that was conceived by a monster?”

She never even wanted me. She still doesn’t want me. The person I love most in the world doesn’t even love me back. She’s just been saying it all these years because she’s had to. Olivia swallowed hard to prevent herself from crying. With Alex waiting for her in the kitchen, she wanted to remain calm and collected. She didn’t cry when she saw her. Instead, she hugged Alex longer than she ever had before and found comfort in her arms since she knew she couldn’t hug her mommy anymore.

Just as she had been taught to do by her own mother, Serena touched up her makeup and pretended as if nothing had happened. It was all a misunderstanding her mother had told her when she was twenty-one. ‘What did you expect, Serena? You were in his room and you kissed him.’ It was the same thing his mother and father had told her, too. ‘How was my son supposed to know when you were giving him every signal that you wanted him to.’ Her father had told her not to report it; they’d settle this between the two families. Mr. Benson was a producer and with a premier coming up, he didn’t want an investigation getting in the way and ruining his career. Social media was in its infancy in 2008, but Emerson and his parents had found a way to use it against her. 

That night, once Alex and Kyle went home and Olivia was fast asleep, she started to reflect on what had gotten her to that point in her life. It happened at a beach-themed party that Emerson’s frat was hosting. She was in a bikini top and denim shorts as were the rest of the girls and she had taken a few shots as had everyone else at the party, but the pictures posted on Facebook the next day portrayed a girl that had gotten completely wasted and was hanging on the entire executive board of the fraternity. For the past two years they had been her friends and she had several pictures with them, but because of what she was wearing and because these were some of the first to be posted on social media, an entirely different narrative was created, one that even her own parents believed.

Serena knew the statistics on rape that were told to her and every other student during freshman orientation, but she had lived a sheltered life before college and she had always imagined that rapists were scary-looking men that attacked girls in the middle of the night when they walked alone on quiet streets. She never could have fathomed that her rapist would be her best friend. 

With three weeks left of her junior year, Serena was already looking forward to her final year of college. She had run for president of her sorority and found out she won just hours before the party began. Serena wasn’t a binge drinker by any means, but she drank more than usual that night to celebrate her victory. She went up to Emerson’s room just as she did every time she visited the frat house, but unlike every other night, she kissed him. Kissing led to something a little further that she consented to, but when she said she didn’t want to have sex and wanted to take things slow if they were going to go from best friends to something more, he took that choice away from her. The alcohol she had consumed earlier had left her in an in between stage where she was lucid enough to know what was going on but too drunk to fight him off of her. To make matters worse for her, he held her afterward and suggested she stay the night because, as he said, ‘you never know what kind of maniacs are out there in the middle of the night.’

...but she didn’t stay. She figured whoever was out there probably wasn’t as bad as who was in that frat house. Not knowing what else to do when she got home, she immediately got in the shower to wash off his scent and anything else of his that was left on her. She saw the bruises on her body from when he held her down and, for the first time, it felt real for her. It wasn’t a bad dream or some drunken hallucination. Her rapist wasn’t the boogeyman hiding in the shadows; he was one of the people she loved most in the world.

Kyle had beat him within an inch of his life once he found out what had happened and it was another thing that both families swept under the rug to protect their image. It’ll all go away during summer break, Serena told herself. I’m going to come back here and I’m going to be president of Phi Delt and be who I used to be－who I still am; however, a positive pregnancy test that summer made her come to the realization that her life would never be the same. Her parents and her friends all told her to ‘get rid of that thing’ and she had every intention of getting an abortion until she felt her baby kick. She knew her life would never be the same and she also knew it probably wasn’t the right approach to take, but Serena wanted to right the wrongs of her own mother and she felt as if this baby would give her that opportunity.

“Mommy,” she heard her now twelve-year-old daughter sobbing in the doorway of her bedroom that night, bringing her out of her thought process.

Serena lifted up her comforter and patted the bed with her hand so her daughter could join her. “Come here, Ollie.”

Once she lied down, she felt Olivia cling to her tighter than ever before. “Mom, I heard something you told Uncle Kyle and I wanna know if it’s true or maybe you’re gonna lie to me again. I don’t know. If you want, I can leave. We can call social services tomorrow and－”

“Ollie,” Serena interrupted, completely taken aback. “Ollie, what are you talking about? I never want you to leave me.” One of Serena’s worst nightmares had just come true. She was going to have to tell her and she had no idea how.

“I know you were raped,” Olivia blurted out. “I know you never wanted me and my dad was some monster who hurt you. Do I remind you of him? Why did you even keep me? No mom would want a daughter like me. I learned that in some places abortion is only legal if the pregnancy is because of rape. It’s okay everywhere to abort babies like me. I’m one of those kids that’s...less than. I’m the kind that it’s okay to get rid of.”

Serena wiped her daughter’s tears away and held her close. She still had the slightest hint of the cologne that she wore whenever she wanted to impress Alex, but the LEGO movie PJ shirt and PJ pants she was wearing made Serena feel like she was still her little girl despite how much she was growing up. “Ollie…” she hesitated to give herself more time to think. “Every woman has the right to choose what she does with her own body and I would never judge another woman for the choices she’s made regarding abortion just as I’d like to think no other woman would judge me. With that being said, I had every option in the world available to me and out of all those options, I knew the best choice for me was to keep you and I’ve never regretted that.”

“Do you promise?”

“Hold up your pinky,” Serena told her. Olivia held up her pinky next to Serena’s. They were both wearing heart-shaped pinky rings that Serena had bought a year earlier. “Remember what I said when I got us these matching rings that time we went on our mother/daughter adventure? I pinky promise to always love you and always be there for you. No matter what happens in life or how far away you may go for college or for your career, I’ll always be in your heart and you’ll always be in mine. I know things weren’t easy for us at first and I couldn’t be there for you as much as I wanted to when you were little and I might have made a few mistakes, but there was not a single moment in your entire life that I didn’t love you.”

“I don’t remind you of him when you look at me?”

“No, Ollie, nothing about you reminds me of him. Yes, that had crossed my mind when I was pregnant, but that never happened once you were born,” Serena promised her. “You don’t even look anything like him. You look like your uncle Kyle but never tell him that because you’re beautiful and I don’t want him thinking he’s attractive and getting all arrogant about it.”

“Mom,” Olivia laughed. 

Olivia’s laughter was and always would be Serena’s favorite sound. Her daughter had been conceived in a violent act, but everything about her was so innocent. The twelve years since she had given birth to her had been the best years of her life. Twelve years of cuddles, laughter, and being able to love someone so unconditionally. She’d do anything for Olivia and she had already done more than her daughter would ever know. There were custody battles between her and Emerson when Olivia was a baby and he was still trying to fight Serena for the chance to be a part of Olivia’s life. It all happened out of court now that he had a wife and kids, but she and Kyle and the rest of the Benson family were going to do all they could to keep him away from Olivia.

“Ollie, I want you to listen to me, okay?”

“Okay,” Olivia nodded.

“You are, have been, and forever will be the best thing that has ever happened to me. He was there when you were conceived but he didn’t create you. It was my body that created you for nine months, not his. You are nothing like him, Ollie. You are the sweetest girl and being your mom has been the greatest experience and greatest honor of my entire life.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, Olliegator?”

“I don’t think you made any mistakes. I think you’re the best mom in the world. My friends think so, too. Everyone says you’re the cool mom.” Olivia gave her a kiss on the cheek. “And, Mom?”

“Yes, Ollie Koalie?” Serena playfully tapped her daughter’s nose.

“Why do you sleep in Jamie’s shirt instead of the pretty pajamas you used to wear?”

It was yet another question that Serena wasn’t prepared for. “Jamie is my girlfriend now and she and I love each other very much and sometimes, when we aren’t together, I really miss her. If I sleep in her shirt, it’s like she’s here with me.”

“I miss Alex sometimes, too,” Olivia responded. “Do you think she’d like it if I gave her a shirt to wear when she misses me?”

“I think she’d like that very much,” Serena told her even if she wasn’t ready for her little girl to be that serious about her girlfriend. “I have an idea. What about if you and I have a sleepover night?”

“Sleepover night!” Olivia said excitedly. “I’ll make the popcorn and pick a movie for us to watch. Can we watch another scary movie?”

“Anything you want,” Serena smiled at her.

Sleepover night was Olivia’s favorite mother/daughter tradition and, even if she was tired, Serena was willing to do whatever she could to make her daughter feel loved. 

When her college-aged self imagined life in her thirties, she imagined she’d be a famous writer living in London or Paris and she’d spend all of her free time travelling the world and treating life like some grand adventure. Motherhood had never even crossed her mind because she felt it would only slow her down. Serena Benson was now just a couple of weeks shy of her 34th birthday and, although her life had turned out nothing like she had planned, the twelve-year-old girl eating handfuls of popcorn on the couch next to her－her daughter, her everything－was the reason why it had turned out better than she could ever imagine.

[sacrilegious-skeletal-scribe]

boyyyyyys

we win these!!!!!

yeah, so remember that submission thing I briefly mentioned wherein the adventure lay in the fact that I had to look myself up to provide links to my social media (yes this the only platform I can stand to use, no I’m not sure what that says about me as a person) and discovered those, frankly, very tone setting tags I wrote promptly forgot about?

yeah that little shindig?

ummmm I guess they liked it?

cause this dropped into my inbox

ahhehehuahs

I’d crop their names but they’re all over the issues, so I presume it’s fine

But yeah, this is a thing that happened

In a month I will technically be a published author, that’s…. holy shit that’s astounding

The e-zine is free, I’ll come link it when the December edition is published, but yeah holy shit

can’t believe one of the biggest memories of my early professional life is going to be intrinsically linked to ‘I throw around animal death like a well loved frisbee’

But, as you heretics have deigned to read this far, a highlight from my upcoming publication; also I have given you actual content in like two weeks and I’m starting to feel bad. also I did a teensy fucky-wucky and haven’t reviewed this until tumblr’s refusing to let me copy-paste forced me to type this by hand and made me realize that I should’ve made sure I was happy with the first part of this before submitting it for other human beings, but if I wasn’t using these wax wings to fight the sun what good would they be

Anyway here’s wonderwall, or as I’ve christened this, Radium Mind

It was the morning, and the day laid before me,

possibilities and structure offering themselves to me, mine to choose.

the birds lived in a plane above, flying and screeching and singing and dying,

I saw them in silence, and they shrieked to fill the void.

it does not offend me; faced with myself, I would shriek too.

the worms wriggled in the ground below me,

sunlight a harbinger only of death to those who live without it.

the worms might scream too, I would not know;

they are not as loud as the birds,

and the earth between us would distort the sound past understanding, anyway.

I stood between them, for the lack of any other place to stand,

and separated we carried out our lives, the gap crossed only,

by esoteric diseases with little interest in our self-imposed separation,

living only as it knows how to be,

the casts inflicted on ourselves merely anecdotal,

incidents it has no reason but to forget soon.

alright heretics, this has been battered through my drafts for long enough, so I’ll thrown you some language you can spit at, sorry for the insane fucking post, this is definitely tone consistent, I’m self-aware I’m just not willing to do anything about it.

How else would I tag for whale corpses and thinly veiled threats for family members who aren’t allowed to parasitically infect my sense of self anymore, well loved frisbees and teensy-weensy, girl-bossy, fucky-wuckys. I am as Icarus, and the sun can kill me as it would kill a god, with dramatis and weight, and a lieu of spectacular fucking paintings.

Have an excellent goddamn evening heretics, and keep your abhorrent minds as crunchity as your foul souls can withstand.

As always, to you.

[z-iridest]

Can you do hawks and todoroki reaction to meeting their s/o for the first time after months of long distance online dating🙇🏾‍♀️🙇🏾‍♀️🌸

(A/N: This is such a cute idea! :3 Hope u don't mind headcannons again)

Online, Long Distance Dating: First Time Meeting In Real Life

Shouto Todoroki

To be fair, Shouto Todoroki hadn't even known what Instagram, or any other social media platform even was besides Facebook.

When he was first introduced to Instagram, the account made for him by his friends, he had instantly gained 1 million followers almost overnight. (He says it's only because of his father, but c'mon, ladies, he's just that hot)

The account posts page is filled with tagged, sneaky pictures from his friends, all of them adorable, pictures of soba, his mother (totally appreciation posts for Mamaroki) Fuyumi and Natsuo

But, one follower of his in particular caught his herochromatic eyes.... Y/N L/N. They had liked every one of his posts since day one, always leaving a friendly "hello" in the comments or leaving a comment about how wonderful his family seemed to be. If only Shouto knew just how whipped he was about to be....

The specific post that started it all popped up in his feed one fateful day was a picture of you that had been taken at the perfect moment. Your h/c floated in the breeze, your e/c shut as you were caught in an open mouthed laugh, Shouto finding your smile to be not only infectious, but bewitching. Yet, he yearned to hear what your laugh sounded like.

Before he knew what the hell he was even doing, he had -How would his friends put it?- slid into your dms, saying hello.

Since you lived in America (and were a light sleeper on top of being a slight insomniac), you weren't expecting a dm before the sun could wake up, so the minute your phone went off with a notification, you nearly fell out of bed due to the earbuds in your ears... That notification was LOUD!

When you looked at the message, it was from DamnIcyHot (that username was all Bakugo) and read: Hello, I'm Shouto. You looked beautiful in your recent post, and I thought you deserved to hear that. I hope you have a wonderful day

You blushed and that dm... Well, let's just say it wasn't the last.

Just two months after talking to you, Shoto asked you out.... On a video call, dressed in a tux with a red tie, and holding a half white and half red rose. (Pic above, folks)

Poor baby is so nervous, he's shifting and fixing his tie every few seconds and it's all you can do not to start squealing.

Y/N... I never thought it was possible to fall in love with someone I have yet to meet in real life, but, I have. I've fallen hard for you, Y/N. Everytime I see you post, it brings me so much joy and makes me smile everyday, and... I don't want it to ever stop. Y/N, I want to be able to video call you every night, to tell you how beautiful and perfect you are in my eyes until you fall asleep. I want to be able to see you every night and wake up to your beautiful face every morning. If I may have this chance, I promise, you will be treated like the princess you are, and I will never let you forget how precious you are to me.

The poor, half white, half red haired baby is now stumbling over his words as a blush darker than the red half of his hair appears on his face. Y/N... I was wondering... Would you... Maybe... want to be mine?

You had blushed and hidden behind your hands, a sight that Shouto still remembers as the cutest thing you've ever done, and nodded in response. If you had dared looked up, you would have seen the relieved look on his face as a laugh, a genuine laugh of relief, spills from his lips.

And that was only the beginning...

It only took a couple days before his friends noticed that their herochromatic eyed friend was acting a bit... Stranger than usual.

He was grumpier on certain days, happily smiling down at his phone, excusing himself to go to his room for hours on end.

Nobody knew what was going on, or why he was on his phone so much.

Kaminari had suggested spying on Todoroki, but Izuku had gone with a more... Direct approach.

When asked why he was on his phone so much, Todoroki had just blinked and said matter of factily, I have an S/O. The whole class, except for Yamomo, is shocked by this. This one of those, "I thought it was obvious" moments for Yamomo.

Speaking of Yamomo, she asks who the lucky person is. Instead of answering her, Shouto shows her the screenshot he unashamedly took of you.

In the screenshot, you're sporting a bright smile, e/c eyes filled with adoration and love, the look you had given him before calling him your Peppermint Baby for the first time, that baby boi was soooooo flustered by it. (What? He couldn't help it, it was too cute of a moment to let pass). The girls instantly squeal and ship you two together while some of the boys (*cough, cough* Kaminari and Mineta *cough*) are wondering how the hell you guys had even gotten together.

That same night, he called you and told you about the day's events, which honestly had you in fits of laughter.

Shortly after that, you were informed that you were being moved to Japan. Were you excited? Yes! You get to meet your boyfriend face to face for the first time, you were nervous and excited at the same time.

Did you tell him? Nope. You were waaaaay too giddy with the thought of how surprised he would be to see you.

Since you were being moved to Japan, that meant being transferred into U.A. High. Your Class being 1-A.

Shouto was talking to his friend group when you arrived, and thankfully for you, his back was to the door.

A green haired boy was the first to see you, his green eyes going a little wide while his friends were unawares, discussing who the new student could be.

Just as he opened his mouth to say something, you quickly put your finger to your lips, silencing him.

Thankfully, the Broccoli Boi gets the hint and schools his features before his friends can notice.

You quietly tip toed until you were directly behind him.

Covering a giggle, you covered his herochromatic eyes with your hands.

The second his eyes were covered, he jumped

Just as he was about to react, he read an all too familiar voice. "Hiya, Peppermint." It couldn't be....

Hands trembling slightly, he gingerly took hold of your hands and turned around, surprised to see a pair of e/c eyes looking back at him. "Y-Y/N?" You were so much more goregous in person....

"Surprise!" You giggled before you felt his arms wrapped tightly around you, a laugh leaving you as your feet left the ground as he picked you up, slightly spinning you before setting you down.

"Is this the girl you were telling us about, Todoroki?" A girl with big brown eyes and floating brown hair asked. The excitement in Shouto's eyes was evident as he finally turned to his friends, realizing you from his hug but still keeping his arm wrapped around you.

"Ururaka, Iida, Midoriya, this is my s/o, Y/N. Y/N, meet my friends Midoriya, Ururaka, and Iida." Shouto introduced you to his friends first. Iida's loud greeting captured the attention of your fellow classmates, and pretty soon, you were surrounded by a bunch of new friends.

It took a while for the excitement to die down, but when it finally did and Shouto finally got you alone, you suddenly found his lips on yours. Your first official kiss with Todoroki... Scratch that, your first one ever.

You found out that day that the Peppermint nickname you had given him... It was well deserved. That boy's lips tasted like sweet peppermint, and his kiss had been so gentle but passionate at the same time, it had taken your breath away.

Let's just say you guys shared a lot of firsts after that..... ;)

Keigo Takami (Hawks)

Hawks? On Instagram? Bitch, please...

This motherfucker is always on Instagram when off duty or taking a break from hero work. He's the number 2 hero now for crying outloud, like he's gonna just ignore the fans that hit him up?

The Instagram he uses for his hero work is officialhawks, set up by his management that he visits every once in a while. That's the one the fans usually float to, and when fans dm, that's when he goes on it.

His personal Instagram, though? That's where the fun really begins.

His personal Instagram? Spice-E-Wings

Only follows a select few on it, and honestly, it'd be a lie if he said he didn't follow Endeavour's accout...

When your profile popped up under his suggested, he got curious....

Seeing as curiosity killed a cat, but never a bird, he satisfied his curiosity by checking out your profile.

Dis Bird Boi was not prepared for what he found.... And he instantly wanted to dm you...

Since you were used to your phone not going off, you were startled when your phone went off. Your roommate, who had seen you jump, teased you about it, to which you simply waved them off as you unlocked your phone to check the messages

Spice-E-Wings? What kind of a username was that?

Nevertheless, you accepted the message and saw this:

Hey there, wyd? ;) Jk, how r u?

The conversation started from there and took the most random turns, eventually turning into you two trying to one up each other on memes

He revealed who he was about a month after talking to you.

You... freaked... out....

You'd been talking to the Hawks the whole time?! Hawks was the one pro hero you had a crush on!

Just months later, on your bday, he asked you to be officially his.

Hey, dove, I gotta be serious here, okay? I really, really like ya, and I wanna get to know ya better. So, with that in mind.... U wanna be mine?

You have never squealed so loud in your life.... Once you were composed, you accepted.

The minute he saw your dm back, his heart exploded, ngl: Only if I get to call you my baby bird ;)

Month after month, it was like the two of you had an unexplainable chemistry despite never seeing each other in real life. Every morning started for you with a G'mornin princess 😘 from Keigo, he never wasted the day when it came to showing you affection over the phone

Despite having never seen your face, Bird Boi was whipped for you.

Did he want to see what you looked like? Hell yeah! But, he knew just by talking to you all this time, that it wasn't something you were ready for.

Imagine his surprise when on his birthday, he received a picture....

When he opened it, it read Happy Birthday Baby Bird, featuring the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life! His jaw dropped a little, ngl

Those beautiful e/c eyes, your silky h/c hair... Don't even get him started on that bod of yours... That man could praise you like a goddess for hours if you'd let him

His message back to you after that picture?

😍😍😍 Best. Birthday. Ever.

About a year after the two of you started talking, you ended up being transferred to a different city to work.... 12 hours away from your hometown.... To the very same city Keigo patrolled and was responsible for!

Instead of surprising him, knowing he was a Pro Hero, you told him about what was happening and the day you were moving.

Keigo was beyond ecstatic when you told him. He was finally gonna see you in person!

I have an idea, princess, as soon as you're settled in, meet me at the cafè Leblanc. I'll treat you to some coffee jelly on my break.... Leblanc's got the best coffee jelly in Japan. I wanna see you in person, and the sooner the better.

You felt nervous, but agreed to a time to meet up at

When you moved about two weeks later, you moved into your apartment and found that your place was only about a 10 minute walk from the cafè Keigo mentioned.

Now... If Keigo wasn't whipped for you before....

He certainly was now.....

The minute he spotted h/c hair in the crowd, he moved up into the air, his amber eyes easily finding you in the crowd.

You were soooooo much more beautiful in person, and it made him extremely happy to see you.

But, all of a sudden, Hawks felt nervous... What would you think of him when you saw him in person? That baby bird watched over you from the skies until it was time to call it quits. When he finally got everything done, he flew back to the cafè, where you were still waiting for him

No backing out now, Hawks... That's your baby down there, go see them. No big deal.

The mental peptalk did nothing for him... His body wouldn't move...

After an hour, you were getting worried, your brow furrowed as your mind raced through the horrible things that could have happened to him. You decided to text him, Hey, where r u?

And what was this bird brained bastard's reply?

Look up, princess

When you did, you saw him. Big red wings, amber eyes, messy blond hair and all. You watched him as he gracefully glided to you despite his nervousness.

The look in his amber eyes was so soft, a look of pure, unadulterated adoration and love for you clear as day. He immediately wrapped his arms around you

"I'm so sorry I kept you waiting, princess... Forgive me?"

You answered by kissing him, threading your fingers through his soft blond hair as he held you close to him, his wings wrapping around you too. When the two of you pulled away, a goofy grin was smiled before the first of many dates at that cafè took place

His Instagram post that day consisted of a very adorable kiss over coffee jelly with the caption: Finders Keepers, and I found a keeper :3

(A/N: A big thank you to @prismaroyal and @sadistiks for helping me out with Hawks' part :3 hope you guys enjoyed!)

Taglist: @fakeanimefanntnt @lxvely-mha @bnhabookclub

[ibringyouasong89]

Self-Awareness Time, Part One:

So I’m reading this article one day, (see article here: https://psych2go.net/6-signs-youll-be-single-forever/), and realize how some of this is true, but also some of it is bullshit. Spoiler Alert: I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was 18.  Is it because I haven’t wanted to be with someone, or be in a relationship, since that one ended? Quite the contrary, actually. I have dreamed, since I was a small child, of a perfect soulmate for me, and that it would be a Disney-movie-ending come true for the rest of my life. Having my first (and since then, only) boyfriend break up with me (so he could go out with my ex-best friend, who in turn, dumped her boyfriend of three years - who was my childhood friend from elementary school - in order to be with him; it was dramatic, stupid, and messy, i.e. we were teenagers who thought they knew themselves but didn’t have a clue) did not, in fact, deter those dreams at all. The problem is that I didn’t learn to love myself. I learned to move on, which is always wonderful, but I didn’t hold myself in any higher esteem than I had before, and while I was with him. It wasn’t a reflection on being with him, but more or less, a reflection of myself and how I saw myself, based on my childhood and certain experiences. Fast forward a couple of years later: my parents are divorced, my father is dead, my childhood friends have disappeared out of my life for the most part, I live with my mother and grandfather (who was close to dying himself), and I am now living in a different state, faraway from everything I know and love and hate everything about this new place. I hated (and still do, for many of these points) the polluted environment, I hated the lack of nature (I moved to a metropolitan-region within the realm of a major city), I hated how crowded it is, I hated how everyone lives on top of one another; I hate the noise, the traffic, and most of all, I hated how alien and out of place I feel. I knew I didn’t belong, but because of finances, and having an ineffective bachelor’s degree (that didn’t come with a lifetime guarantee of having a career, as promised by my parents and elder generations. Though it did come with the nice guarantee of student loans), I was unable to move anywhere else. I was unable to be independent, financially or otherwise, and could do nothing to make my dreams a reality or to improve my life. In short, I was stuck. And hating every minute of it, along with myself. To be fair, I wasn’t an emotionally healthy person to start off with - but I mean, who is by the time they’re 23, 24 years old, and a culminating reflection of time, pressure, past abuse, parental issues, trust issues, abandonment issues, lack of socializing/being ostracized for being different, and self-worth and self-love issues? No one, and I mean, NO ONE, is taught how to love themselves, completely, as a child. I don’t care who raised you or where you grew up. This is a fundamental truth and fact. But I met someone. Lo and behold, there came this divine gift, one day, of someone who was just like me! He didn’t have the same issues as I, but he understood in a general sense (as any individual who has a certain degree of sympathy and empathy can do), and made me feel seen (even if I hated it at times). Someone who, in all honesty, has fundamentally changed me forever. And to think I met him at my job! (i.e. retail). This person...well, I thought he might’ve been THE ONE. I was really, REALLY in love with him. More so than I ever thought I could be with someone.  Our connection was real and based on emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy (there was none of the physical, which was probably for the best, in the end), and I had never loved anybody before, in the entire history of being connected to family and friends, the way I had loved him. I thought he was truly something special - a gift from the universe that not only allowed to experience this once-in-a-lifetime kind of love, but also because of how OBVIOUS it was that we were meant for each other. (I was so arrogant back then and admit it heartily now). Well, suffice to say, it didn’t end in rainbows-and-sunshine-for-years-to-come. He had already been entering a relationship when I met him, while also having his heart broken by another girl. As the saying goes: wrong place and time. While I was busy pining over him and fantasizing about us being together romantically (after building this incredible connection and deep friendship), he was happily living his life and enjoying his relationship...even though, for a time, he went out of his way to spend time with me and deepen our emotional intimacy further. He told me things about himself, and his life, that he swore he had never told another human being before in his life. But it all came to a grinding halt one day - out of the blue - when he severed our connection with all of the swiftness and severity of a well-placed swing from a sharpened blade. Later he would confess that it wasn’t intentional - it was because he was busy cutting other people out of his life and I got caught up in the “crossfires” of it all via social media and the like *insert eyeroll here* - but that he had also been conscious of my burgeoning feelings for him, and felt “flattered” that I had come to regard him so greatly. He promised to re-open the lines of communication between us again and to be a better friend. Spoiler Alert Part Two: None of these promises were fulfilled. Now, some of you (or whoever reads this long-ass personal post) might say “Well, maybe in knowing about your feelings, THAT was why he didn’t bother talking to you anymore. It made him uncomfortable, especially since he was in a relationship with someone else. He just wanted to make a clean break.” To be completely honest, I was aware of that possibility from the get-go. The problem is that he claimed (during this period of seeking me out and spending quality time with me) his relationship with his girlfriend was “casual.” That he was more than aware that he was her first boyfriend, but that he knew it wouldn’t last. In knowing that, he still pursued a relationship with that girl (though his self-prophecy did come to pass...three years later). Now, there were never any promises made about entering a relationship with ME, as some of you may point out as well. I agree. There are, and never will be, any guarantees when it comes to the heart. Someone who learns to love another is quite capable of also learning how to un-love that same individual, at any time. And hatred, as many know, is not the opposite of love; apathy is its true counterpart.

No, what was truly hurtful was that he knew that truth, honesty, compassion, consideration, and genuineness were core values of mine. Values that I thought he shared...but turned out to be lies when he revealed his regard, or lack-there-of, for me in the end. When he did not confront me over my feelings for him and instead played ignorant for the sake of his own happiness. When he promised that this did not interfere with his ability to be my friend, even after confessing said romantic intentions to him, and probably lying about it all the same. He knew of my past, my issues, and had probably guessed at my level of loneliness and knew about my lack of friends since moving away from my hometown...and didn’t think twice of ditching me, nor of how his sudden “ignorance” about our bond would effect my feelings. That being “one of the guys” was my true status - despite the fact that I have breasts, a vagina, lack a penis, and had never acted in a “masculine way” around him (aside from being intelligent, having common sense, being interested in comic books, music, and movies, having a deep appreciation for classic muscle cars, and a biting sense of sarcasm); i.e. no hanging out in bars with him and his male friends, no doing stupid shit for giggles, no running around in the middle of the night to each other’s houses to smoke pot and drink in the basement, not being into sports and wrestling, recalling the same stupid stories from high school and retelling them, over and over again, along with the same stupid jokes, etc...And I’m not judging any female (or person) who does DO this, or enjoy these things! I’m just simply describing how he, and his friends, acted and what their similar interests are. I was “friend-zoned” (which is a ridiculous phrase, but I can’t think of anything else to describe it as), but was NOT treated like a friend any longer. I was treated like a stranger or an acquaintance that you remember vaguely seeing in the hallways and cafeteria when you attend your high school reunion (that guy who makes you go “Oh, *Insert Name Here*! Omg! How are you?! Wow, it’s been a while! Great to see you lost all that weight! So uh...how’s things?”). In short: I was being gas-lit. For anyone who has experienced this, you have my deepest sympathies and my ear and shoulder, whenever you would like. Of course part of the blame falls on me too: for treating romantic love like a drug I couldn’t live without, for depending on someone too much for my happiness, and for allowing myself to be treated as someone who is less than worthy of real love, respect, consideration, kindness, compassion, and honest, open communication.

So, not only did this guy break my heart, but he also threw me, and our friendship, away like it all meant nothing. It became obvious then that I, and our bond, had never mattered to him at all.  The worst part is that he continued to flirt with me, stringing me along (unknowingly or not), while also maintaining this enforced distance! (Which is also COMPLETELY WRONG TO DO TO ANYONE!) In truth, I think he’s an unaware narcissist who doesn’t realize, on an unconscious level, how manipulative he can really be. It’s sad. But I know, without wishing for it or egging the universe on, that there is a lesson waiting for him in the wings of the cosmos that will enable him to truly understand the lows, and highs, of true personal awareness (if it should come to pass - anything is possible, in any way, shape, or form). But back to the point: In conclusion, my soul was shattered. My heart was a destroyed. I fell into a depression based, not only on this heartbreak, but also my heart being broken by ME. I was so unhappy with everything going on, and not, in my life and it all felt so hopeless and pointless. I could see no path forward, no future for myself, that didn’t result either in me being unhappy or being unstuck. (Hell, even writing about all of this is allowing the phantom pains to rise from their graves in my heart, which makes me realize how much healing, and self-love, I still have to gain). This, however, was the beginning of my awakening for me.

It dawned on me like the rising sun within me that I really SHOULDN’T put stock into having people depended upon so much to MAKE me happy. I should be making MYSELF happy. But then the deepest question, out of the pit of darkness within my soul, arose: Why WASN’T I happy with myself?

[connordavidscamera]

Welcome to Our Channel! | CB

A/n: here’s part 1 of a very (hopefully) long series to come. I hope you enjoy it because I already love this series and these characters so much.

Summary: Just a couple trying to navigate a YouTube Channel together.

Warnings: sexual innuendos? fluff?

Word Count: 1.8k

***

Connor sets up the camera in front of the big window of his apartment.  I’m sitting on the floor in his hoodie, one of the cushions of the couch beneath me. “How’s the lighting, bub? Everything look okay?”

He hums, “Almost. Just gotta adjust - there. Perfect... Wow.”

“What?” I ask, playing with the ends of my hair. 

“Nothing, you’re perfect.”

I feel the burn on my cheeks. “Con, stop it!”

“Never,” he comes around the set up and squats down next to me. “Can I have a kiss?”

“Always,” I grasp the side of his jaw and press a soft kiss to his lips. I lick my lips when we pull away, scrunching up my face. “You taste like coffee.”

“And you love it, don’t you?”

“The only way I like it,” I concur and lean in to kiss him again, letting him take the lead, deepening it just a little, his tongue brushing against my bottom lip. “Mmmh…” I groan and pull away. “Not right now, bub. There’s a camera,” I tease.

“It’s not on yet. Should I turn it on? Start our channel off with a bang… literally.”

I laugh and push him away, causing him to fall down. “You’re gross. Stop it.”

“You did not think it was gross last night. Or this morning. And probably not after we finish this video.”

“You never get tired, do you?” I ask, playing with the hem of my shorts, smiling adoringly at my beautiful boy. 

“Not when you’re looking at me like that. Or when you’re in my hoodie like that. Which reminds me,” he leans in and presses a kiss to my cheek, “you’re keeping that on later.”

I bite my bottom lip and nod. “Yes sir.” 

He groans, “Alright, lover, let’s get this going. Yeah?”

“Yes, let’s. Sit with me.”

“You can sit on my lap.”

I roll my eyes, “Just sit down, bub. You have the remote?”

He hands it to me, situating himself next to me. “We’re in frame?”

I squint at the viewfinder, “Yeah, it looks like it. Are we even in focus?”

“Yeah, I made sure when you sat down. You just have to press that button to start recording.”

“Okay, but what are you even supposed to say in an introduction?”

“Umm… we’re the Brashier’s and welcome to our channel?” He says with a raised eyebrow. 

“Come on, Con. I’m serious. This is different from when I started my channel. I just reviewed some makeup. This is new territory for both of us.”

“I know, but hey, it doesn’t have to be perfect. We’re just starting out. We’ll figure it out as we go.”

“You also realize that doing this means fully exposing our relationship. Letting everyone in. We can’t go back to our secret love affair once they know,” I tease.

He bumps his nose with mine, “I do know that, Harley. But I also know that I can’t keep you a secret any longer. The taciturn posting has to come to an end at some point.”

I can’t help the laugh that escapes my throat, “Someone learned a new word today, huh?”

“I did,” he beams. “Hey that should be a thing in our videos.”

“What should?”

“Like a word of the day. Or a word of the week or something.”

“A word of the week, Connor, what the fuck?”

“It’s a suggestion. We can be both entertaining and educational.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely gonna be our hook. Get that alliteration thing going on. We just need one more ‘e’ word to really send it home. Entertaining, educational, and…”

“Electric?”

“Electric?” I repeat, a small smile on my lips. 

“Yeah. Like what we have, our relationship. It’s electric. We’re entertaining, educational, and electric.”

I lean in a press a chaste kiss to his lips, “Connor Brashier, have I told you today how hopelessly in love with you I am?”

“Well, I’m just as in love with you, Harley Madden.”

There’s literally nothing I can do to hide the blush that creeps up on my cheeks. “We should start filming.”

He tilts his head toward the camera. “I think it already is.”

“What? I didn’t even press the button.” I look up and sure enough, there’s that familiar blinking red light. 

“Well I don’t exactly know how much you got, but we’re not cutting it out.”

---

I look over at my boyfriend, “Is it bad that I’m nervous? I mean, yeah. We’ve confirmed that we’re together. But this is confirming we’re together. That’s scary, right? Tell me I’m not the only one that thinks this is scary.”

He chuckles and pulls me closer to his side, covering my legs with the blanket thrown over his lap. “You’re not the only one. I’ve liked the privacy of us too. But we both know that it was getting harder to hide from the public eye. Don’t you think it’s better for us to go in this way, just full force, no more hiding.”

“Well… maybe a little hiding. They don’t have to know everything.”

He nods and presses a kiss to my cheek. “But you also know that we don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. We can wait a little while longer.”

I stare at the video in front of us. It’s only 2 minutes and 37 seconds. Just an introduction. But this is giving everyone their first real view of our life. Of our relationship that’s been (for the most part) completely private. One that (even without full confirmation) people already have an opinion on. Sure there have been one or two Instagram posts without tagging, without captions. And for a year and three months, on almost every single video or photo I post on my social media, I get asked “Did Connor give you that necklace?” I subconsciously reach for my necklace that rests against my collar bone and rub my finger over the small “c” that connects the chain. 

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, hmm?” His lips rest against my temple and press the softest of kisses to my skin. 

I shake my head and curl deeper into his side. “Post it, bub.”

“You sure?”

I nod, “I’m sure. I think you’re right. Can’t keep you a secret anymore.”

He hums and lifts my chin. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I murmur back, pressing my lips against his. His lips are like home - warm and inviting and if I could kiss them forever, I would do it without a doubt.

“A word of the week, Connor, what the *bleep*?”

“It’s a suggestion. We can be both entertaining and educational.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely gonna be our hook. Get that alliteration thing going on. We just need one more ‘e’ word to really send it home. Entertaining, educational, and…”

“Electric?”

“Electric?” I repeat, a small smile on my lips. 

“Yeah. Like what we have, our relationship. It’s electric. We’re entertaining, educational, and electric.”

I lean in a press a chaste kiss to his lips, “Connor Brashier, have I told you today how hopelessly in love with you I am?”

“Well, I’m just as in love with you, Harley Madden.”

There’s literally nothing I can do to hide the blush that creeps up on my cheeks. “We should start filming.”

He tilts his head toward the camera. “I think it already is.”

The screen fades into the true intro of the video.

“Hey,” I say a little too chipper, which is definitely why Connor is laughing silently into my shoulder. “I’m Harley Madden.”

Connor clears his throat. “And I’m Connor Brashier. And welcome to our YouTube channel,” he shrugs with a soft smile.

His hand is resting over mine in my lap, playing with my fingers. He’s nervous about being in front of the camera, that’s obvious. He’s never really had to be the one in front. I bring our hands to my lips and litter his knuckles with kisses. He smiles fondly at me and leans in to kiss my cheek. 

“We weren’t really sure how we were going to start this actually. But I guess we should start with this: Yes. We are in a relationship. Have been for a year and a half,” I nod. “Most of you, if you follow my makeup channel or my social media, you’ve been speculating since before we even got together. So here’s your confirmation. We are very happily together.”

“And because of that, we decided that it was time to share our love with you. And what better way than this? Letting you guys in fully.” He shuffles in his spot. “This is very new for us - not the relationship, obviously. But being so open with it.”

“But we have both decided that keeping each other a secret just isn’t what we want anymore.”

He nods, “So if you want to see more of our faces and our relationship, follow all of our social media, and subscribe to my pretty girl’s makeup channel - MaddenMakeup. And subscribe to us - Not So Brash Brashier’s.”

“And I guess give this video a like? Maybe? And comment below what you’d like to see from us because honestly we have no idea what we’re doing with this. We’re just winging it as we go. So give us video ideas and we’ll see you in the next one.”

---

Violet - my best friend since kindergarten, and current roommate - walks into the house, taking her shoes off at the door. “Hey Vi,” Connor says, turning to face the door, greeting her with that signature soft smile. 

“You started a YouTube channel,” is her greeting.

We both laugh, “Yeah. We did.”

“I’ve been telling you to do that for like a year now!” She exclaims, plopping herself next to us, resting her head in my lap. 

“It wasn’t the right time then. But… did you subscribe?” I ask with a cheeky smile.

She pinches my arm, “What kind of question is that? Of course I did. You think I wasn’t your first subscriber? What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t?”

“Well, in celebration, I was planning on taking my girl out to eat. You want to come with?”

“Where were you planning on going?”

“Harley’s been saying for weeks that she’s craving pizza from the bowling alley by my place.”

I look happily at my boy. “Really? We can go?”

He nods, “You want to go put on some shoes and we can go before traffic gets too bad?”

I nod and press a quick kiss to his lips, “Let me change pants first.”

Vi sits up andI catch the end of their conversation before I walk into my room. “Sure, any excuse to beat Lee at bowling.”

“I heard that!”

“You were meant to!” She yells back.

***

I hope you enjoyed! Like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

Permanent tag: @soyalimoncada-blog @tinycertain @magcon7280 @daisyangei  @fallinallincurls @lovewithanattitude @sinceweremutual @myyohmyuohmyy @perfectly-mendess @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @baroness-alison @lostinmendess @linanilssonfurberg @luvluvxx @mariamuses @shawnieeboyy @divinginfearlessly @mendesficsxbombay @shawnsthighs @zaahidahhh

* bold wouldn’t let me tag

** if you want to be added or removed from any list (permanent, Shawn, Connor,  We Were Us, or Not So Brash Brashier’s) just let me know

[skrltwtch]

Sleep Talk

Prompt: Persons A and B are cuddling on the couch together watching a movie late at night. Person B (who tends to sleep talk) falls asleep, and A doesn’t notice. B begins saying progressively weirder stuff until they finally mutter “I love you.” A internally freaks out and grabs B’s hand, then says, “I love you, too.” Person B wakes up confused and terrified because it was the first time they ever said “I love you” to each other. (Source of prompt in link at bottom of post.)

Word count: 2,026 words

Author's note: Spoilers for Wonder Woman. I also didn't quite follow the prompt to a T.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

‘It’s movie night!’ I said in a sing-song voice upon entering the living room, fresh out of the shower and in my best jammies, a set cut from cat-printed periwinkle blue cloth. George, sadly, wasn’t wearing his matching set. Shame; I’d packed this set with the intention of us spending this iteration of a three-year-old tradition in couple jammies. That’d have been such a sight — and the Instagram story.

‘The best night of the week — which also happens to be Friday night,’ he said, grinning. He patted the space next to him. ‘Saved you a seat. Best one in the house.’

‘Thank you, my darling.’ I put down the bowl of popcorn mixed with funfetti and chocolate, a recipe I nicked off the Internet, and bottle of Coke, and joined him on the couch, its real estate reduced to fit us both as snugly as bugs in a rug by all the pillows he’d added to the living room’s already hefty count. His idea of home improvement made it difficult for me to ever want to leave this couch and live life off of it. Could I put in a request to work from home like this next week? Senior management were strong advocates of ‘flexible arrangements’ and ‘work-life balance’ after all, and none were more deserving of the latter after the week’s events than I.

‘What are you in the mood for?’

‘What are you in the mood for? It’s your turn this week to choose,’ he said.

‘I was being democratic.’

‘For once, you can pretend my opinion doesn’t matter.’

‘“For once”?’

‘Oi.’ He sank deeper into his seat.

The corners of my mouth ached from chortling a little too much at his expense. I almost choked, actually, to which he said under his breath, ‘Karma’, his face gleaming with smug glee. Fair enough.

I reached for the remote and also handed him the popcorn to keep his mouth busy while I picked our poison; I knew, too, that what he’d said about his opinion not mattering this time had to be a bluff. George? Not having an opinion about movies? The next Pope being Buddhist was far likelier. I counted myself fortunate that we had similar tastes.

So, what was I feeling this week? Last week was Ingrid Goes West, which reinforced his decision to stay the fuck away from social media and reinforced my crush on Elizabeth Olsen. It was one of the unspoken rules to not repeat genres to keep things interesting. If there were no such rule, I’d have watched the entirety of Netflix’s sci-fi thrillers, and he its dark comedies, twice over. I navigated to the superhero movies section. I wanted something loud, light, and that wasn’t too long because of the late start.

The cursor found itself on Wonder Woman. Excellent: it was familiar — this would be our second time watching; we had no compunctions about re-watching stuff on movie night, as long as it was within ‘reason’ (whatever that meant — for instance, watching Thor: Ragnarok five times was perfectly acceptable to me) — and didn’t require a tremendous amount of cerebral effort to follow. It was what the doctor ordered for capping off a long, pretty shitty week. I needed the reminder that it was possible, and worthwhile, to find hope in and remain optimistic about such a bleak, ugly world. Besides, what was more cathartic than watching a superheroine, the world’s first, doing her thing in a movie that was, for the most part, also tastefully done? I didn’t want to enter the weekend continuing feeling like shit, so I hit play without further ado.

‘Hey, don’t finish that,’ I said to George, who’d been popping fistfuls of kernels and chocolates into his mouth like there wasn’t a finite supply.

‘You were taking so long to decide.’

‘I’ve decided!’ I gestured at the Warner Bros logo that flashed on-screen.

‘I’m hungry.’ His pout signalled the being of a sulk. ‘We don’t usually start this late …’

I put down the remote and curled up next to him. Our arms made their way onto each other’s bodies: mine across his abdomen, and his over my shoulder. He took my hand and lay a soft kiss on my fingers before setting it back down on his lower stomach, where he preferred it belonged. Fine by me. I burrowed deeper into his side. His scent, fresh and a little sweet from all the candy he’d taken, provided warm solace, as always.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘It wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been made to stay late.’

His fingertips skimmed the curve of my jawline. ‘It’s okay. I was kidding. I know your manager’s a prick with no respect for other people’s time,’ he said. A finger landed on my lip; it tasted faintly of vanilla. ‘Now, shh. Movie’s started.’

For something we’d watched before, Wonder Woman continued to hold our attention. Neither of us succumbed to the temptation of checking our phones nor started conversing with each other about our day, whether the Internet would implode if Chris Pine were to ever join the Marvel Cinematic Universe, weekend plans, whatever. None of that was verboten on movie night. Our attention spans weren’t perfect, and we’d never pretend they were; and some movies, like it or not, were better enjoyed as background noise in the comfort of one’s home. Sometimes we could accomplish so much on movie nights.

‘How’d you think I’d look in that?’ George piped up during the famous No Man’s Land sequence.

‘In what?’

‘Her outfit.’

‘That’s something you could consider for next Halloween.’

He grunted.

‘I’d love to see it.’

‘I want cheese. Cheese in bread. Cheese on bread. Pizza?’

‘You can’t be that hungry.’ I patted his stomach. It emitted a loud, watery rumble.

‘’m puckish.’

‘“Peckish”?’

‘That’s what I said.’ His speech had a slurred quality to it.

‘There’s still popcorn left.’

‘Not chicken wings.’ How’d wings come into the picture? ‘Or Sprite.’

‘Gross, Sprite.’

Despite his and his stomach’s grievances, he didn’t take the popcorn or Coke, or get up to order whatever it was that he wanted. I wasn’t about to surrender the position into which I’d worked myself. Likewise, I was genuinely into Wonder Woman (I attributed that to the fatigue I felt toward all things Marvel after Endgame and my excitement for Wonder Woman 1984) to consider taking any interruptions in my stride. His stomach did stop its fussing after a while.

‘Are my Neopets dead? Is there a Neopets Heaven?’

I didn’t answer. I didn’t know how to. Because he didn’t need to know I was still on Neopets and could therefore tell him with full confidence that no, Neopets wouldn’t starve to death, and no, the concepts of death and Heaven didn’t, and would never, exist on the site because its staff continued to delude themselves about the average age of their current userbase. Look, I put in too much work on my account, which I’d had since the site’s inception, to simply let it rot in the site’s current state of virtual limbo. Actually, maybe I should come clean and reintroduce him to the site … it was getting a little lonely for little ol’ me in Neopia.

‘What do you think happens to Tamagotchi when they die?’

Okay, what the fuck.

I peeled my gaze off of Gal Gadot — a herculean task — and looked up at him. Oh, God. He really was the old man he proclaimed himself to be. I let him sleep. He, too, had had a rough week at work, and I needed him at his best for what we had planned for the weekend … which, for now, was nothing. I was planning for the both of us to work on it when Wonder Woman entered standard blockbuster fare territory! Once again, work had thrown a monkey wrench into the fine-tuned machinery that constituted our countdown to the weekend: sending texts about weekend plans to each other during office hours and bringing them to fruition once our asses found themselves out the door at six o’clock and not a second later. This was called making efficient use of our time at work. Our managers should be so proud.

George’s sleep talking soon eclipsed Wonder Woman in terms of entertainment value. Frankly, Wonder Woman lost its lustre in its third act, where the filmmakers attempted to convince the audience that Remus Lupin and the fearsome Greek god of war were one and the same. That moustache? In what universe —? The nerve of Patty Jenkins, expecting me to extend my suspension of disbelief to such lengths.

Tonight’s highlights included:

‘Fucking parrots, always stealing my hot dogs in the park.’

‘I am not eating that banana without a fork.’

‘Look, that dog is wearing a tea cosy on its head.’ (I really would’ve loved to see this.)

‘Dad’s going to regret not letting mom pursue that degree in apartment science.’

When I couldn’t resist and asked him what apartment science was: ‘You know, when an apartment and science love each other very much …’

‘Government’s come out and made sex on bicycles illegal. That is a goddamn shame.’

‘Pudding’s never hurt anyone. Not physically, not emotionally.’

I was … a little fascinated, honestly. His episodes, as moderate as their occurrences were, tended to consist of brief, simple sentences and max out at four or five. Did I need to be concerned? Or was work taking a heavier toll on him than he’d let on? That was it: our weekend was going to revolve around relaxation. The beach! Massages! Studio Ghibli on Netflix! Spending the entirety of either day in bed was a need, a must; I wouldn’t care to hear otherwise.

‘I love you.’

‘I love you, George.’ I rested my head on his chest and interlaced my fingers with his.

The realisation of what the words that’d left our lips, been said in our voices, and hung in the air above our heads, begging, screaming, to be acknowledged, were drove me to undo what I did and pause the movie. Why did that sound so … natural? Why was I even questioning this? Our relationship — what we had — wasn’t invalid because those words hadn’t been said — until now, where ‘now’ happened to be borne of a sleep talking episode. Love didn’t have an on-off switch. The things we did together, the things we did for each other, the things we did to each other, said volumes louder about what we were than those three words.

Still, it felt fucking magical.

George stirred next to me. ‘Has it ended?’

‘No.’

He snuffled. ‘Did I fall asleep?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Shit. Did you stop because I —’

How was that sentence supposed to have ended? Because he talked in his sleep? Because of what he said? Do you know what you said, and did you mean it? I wanted to ask. His recollection of what he said while unconscious was a crapshoot; at least it wasn’t convenient whenever it might suit him — like now, perhaps. And I did. I meant what I said. Come on, Y/N. Don’t sweep this under the rug. Don’t play it off as a joke. Do it. Ask him. We were adults, whether or not we liked it. I couldn’t have the weekend start on a note like this.

He pressed me closer to him. His lips brushed the top of my head. ‘I’m an idiot for not saying it sooner — or more often, and when I’m awake,’ he said. ‘I love you. I love you. I love you. It sounds divine.’

Heat danced across my cheeks. ‘It does, doesn’t it?’ Our palms touched. ‘I love you,’ I said softly. ‘I love you, George MacKay.’

I resumed the movie, both better able and more unable to focus on it now. There wasn’t much left to it. Chris Pine had long left the picture, as my interest would’ve, too, notwithstanding what’d transpired.

‘What else did I say?’

‘You wanted to know if your Neopets are dead.’

‘Oh. Well, are they? Can you help me check?’

‘Why are you asking me?’

‘I know you still play.’

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Share a Lair 10 || Upgraded

Charlotte was extremely excited about Henry’s advancement results. He was now featured on Hero Tracks, and she was THE FIRST person to follow him! Hero Tracks was one of her favorite forms of social media. Hero Tracks (while mentioned before, hasn’t been explained, so… let’s).

Hero Tracks served as a progress and news tracker for your favorite heroes. General updates were for the public, but if you follow a hero, you get more updates and if you’re on the friends list, you get to see their own posts, read DETAILS that they would trust friends with. 

Charlotte generally followed and friended every hero that she met. Henry wasn’t previously on Hero Tracks, because he thought that sidekicks with tracks were lame. “Their hero has a page that has AND and features them. Getting a separate account is try hard,” he told her. So, whenever the Hero League reported his results to him, (which also gets sent to Charlotte, simultaneously), she posted his account from the Tower, followed the account, and congratulated him. Shortly afterwards, Max sent a friend request, which she accepted on Henry’s behalf, and Max also congratulated Henry, “Good  going! Hope this means you’ll move out soon!” She laughed and shook her head. She actually wanted the two of them to possibly work together at some point… and she wished that maybe they could train together. She nonchalantly dropped these desires to both of them at different times, subtly. Max definitely took it in. Henry shot her down.

But. A few days later, Henry received a message from the Hero League.

“I can’t believe my life,” Henry said, disappointed.

Charlotte glanced over and wondered, “What’s happened?” He shoved his phone to her and she read, then cheered, “Max is gonna be your Hero League appointed mentor and trainer?!? Lucky you!” She gave him the phone back with a huge smile. “I’m so proud of this.”

“You had something to do with this, didn’t you?”

“I told Max the same things that I told you and I guess he cared, because that message says that he personally requested this… and Henry… That is remarkable. He’s got global hero status. Henry… This could rocket your hero career.”

He sighed. He knew these things. He still didn’t like it. This meant that he sort of would have to report to Max… and… he still worked for Captain Man. When would he have PEACE, in this arrangement? He groaned and left her workspace to go call Jasper and complain to him about it. HE’D offer some type of empathy for Henry’s plight.

.

Honestly, it wasn’t bad being under Max’s mentorship and training. Henry found that even though he hated being around him casually, Max was pretty professional and patient with teaching him stuff. Sometimes, Henry could see in his expressions that he thought Henry should know more and was silently judging him for it. But, the one time that he brought it up, Max corrected him by saying, “I’m actually judging Captain Man. It’s almost like he never wanted you to take over for him… or maybe Swellview is too small for your talents. That’s also possible. Hiddenville was definitely too small for mine, and you’re under my wings now, so… your possibilities broaden.” Max gave him a sincere smile, then clapped his hands once and said, “Back to acrobatics lessons!”

Max was… a brilliant fighter! Henry was super impressed with his abilities, agility, and versatility. And, he wouldn’t say it yet, but he was truly grateful for the opportunity to work so closely with him. Also, he was seeing Max a lot differently. Whenever he was satisfied with Henry’s training progress, he said that he would select assignments to bring him on. ASSIGNMENTS. With SuperMax! Henry was not going to fanboy over it… openly. He just wanted to work hard, prove himself, and venture on those opportunities.

.

Piper decided a get together was in order, because since Henry began training with Max, he hadn’t been in Swellview as much. Hero League business took precedence over Swellview business and Max refuted several of Captain Man’s refusals to let Henry off for various reasons. Max’s requests took precedence. Captain Man was definitely pissed, but Piper missed her brother and friends. Charlotte hadn’t felt the same about Piper since she joined the team and started acting like the guys, but she still hung out with her whenever she got a chance, out of nostalgia for the kid that she used to love and Girl Code. Definitely didn’t make it a priority or effort, though.

There they were, all being at least civil and Piper suggested that they play “Sex, Kill Marry” or whatever the heck it was called. Charlotte rolled her eyes and listened to various requests and answers, from names that Piper spouted out.

Jasper thought for a moment, during his turn, “Hmmm… I guess I’d marry Timothy Chalamet, screw Matthew Daddario, and have to kill Dylan Minnette. (Only because I just don’t love him like the other two…)”

Henry complained, “I HATE THIS GAME. UGH. F word China McClain, K word Selena Gomez, marry Daisy Riddle.”

Piper told him, “That’s not even her name!”

Henry wasn’t to be deterred or have this lengthened. “That’s my answer! This is weird enough to play with my sister involved.”

So, when it was Charlotte’s turn and Piper said, “These three!” And she pointed at the three dudes in then room.

Max raised an eyebrow and gave her an amused glance. Charlotte was extremely surprised. “Everybody else got celebrities!” she pointed out.

“Yeah, but I’m much more curious about this,” Piper said, waving her finger between Charlotte and the guys..

Charlotte reached for her wine tumbler and took a sip. Wow. Ugh. She hated this game too. “Well, Jasper… I love you and all, and it’s been real, but…”

“Kill ME???” Jasper completed the thought. “Why???”

“Well… because my brain just can’t fathom any scenario in which either of the other options could happen,” She shrugged her shoulders and took another drink.

He sank in the couch and Piper reminded him, “Henry will marry you.“

Henry scoffed, "I’m marrying Daisy Riddle.”

“RIDLEY!” Charlotte and Piper both snapped. Then, Piper sighed and looked back to Charlotte.

“With enough wine, I guess Henry gets laid..” she took another sip of wine and Max tried not to smile as big as he wanted to.

Henry on the other hand jumped up, “Do you realize that means you’d choose to marry MAX?"

"I’m glad you said it so I don’t have to,” Charlotte said and stared into her wine glass.

“I’d like to hear you say it,” Max said and smiled at her. She fought a smile of her own and avoided his gaze. They hadn’t been together long enough to even have a conversation about this, so it was SUPER awkward. They hadn’t even… gone very far intimately or officially told their friends about them. As far as everyone was concerned, they were still playing the “will they, won’t they” game. And now Piper’s little messy ass brings this mess in front of everyone, including Max.

“Why do I have to die, but Max gets married?” Jasper asked, breaking into her stressful thoughts.

“Yep,” Charlotte said, relieved for the interruption of her overthinking.

“What?” Jasper asked the sky.

“Huh?” Charlotte asked him.

“Why? You barely know him and what we do know is that he was a teenage villain and I know we can’t prove it, but I’m reasonably sure he stranded me and Henry on that boat!”

“I was at a party all night with Charlotte,” Max said. She nodded her head, making eye contact with him for the first time since her answer, but she quickly looked away.  He squeezed her knee, then turned his attention back to Jasper. “And I can’t believe that the “why” isn’t obvious.” He began to count his qualities on his fingers for Jasp, “I’m a genius. I have great hair. Muscles. Superpowers. A jet. I can fight, dance, award winning skills in a variety of areas, I’m beautiful and handsome, at the same time…”

“You rock a pair of gray sweatpants like nobody else in the world,” Jasper added, seeing Max’s points.

“Like… everyone here should want to marry me,” Max finished off.

"He’s not humble, but he’s correct,” Charlotte said.

“Thank you for admitting that my hair and muscles have value,” he teased her.

“Wait…” When she  looked up; he winked at her and she felt her face warm from a combination of realizing that the person that was just described was… hers (and wine). This was an even more impressive catch than her ex! She smiled at him.

“You’re equally as intelligent as me and I’d be honored to be your hypothetical husband. Imagine our hypothetical offspring!” Max cheered in excitement. He… really could see himself with Charlotte for the long haul and talking about it, even hypothetically… made it more realistic for him.

And she played along, too. “They would have to be intelligent. That’s just genetics. Obviously, they’d be gorgeous. We both have stunning features, good health, perfect teeth, amazing hair…” he just nodded to everything that she said. “Wow. I really chose well. Imagine if I had answered out of loyalty!” They both laughed.

“Jasper’s rocks for brains babies. Henry’s pick any feature and I’ll pick it apart…” Henry and Jasper grimaced at Max’s insults.

“You’re so rude,” she giggled.

“You love it,” he said and winked.

She nodded. “Can’t deny that.“

“Come here for a sec,” he said and pulled her into his lap. She laughed and he kissed her on the neck, “I would have collapsed this entire house if you said anything else.”

“That doesn’t give me confidence in my choice! You’d better not give our hypothetical kids a temper!”

“Temper? I’M not the one with the temper to give them.” He kissed her neck again and she just reveled in it. They hadn’t been this openly affectionate, but she was feeling good and he had the best neck kisses.

“Are you two still talking hypothetical kids?” Henry asked.

“Are you saying that I’M the one with the temper?” Charlotte asked in a low voice, not paying attention to Henry’s question or Piper taking a sneak pic of them.

“You’re the more aggressive of the two of us,” he said.

Jasper let out an extremely loud sigh of relief. “OKAY! So, I had to die because you two are actually officially doing the thing. Okay. I feel better.”

Henry frowned. He didn’t feel better. He knew that there was something between the two of them, but he guessed that he didn’t think it would get to this level… The seeing his second boss kissing his best friend’s neck… He… didn’t care for that. Max squeezed Charlotte and rested on her shoulder. They were having their own little conversation while Piper was posting their photo and asking how many people knew that they were official.

“This bitch is so messy,” Henry heard Charlotte whisper (about his sister, which he didn’t appreciate, but he knew that he was probably more irritated with Charlotte for being with Max).

Was that why he was mentoring him? TO please his girlfriend? He really… didn’t see anything special in Henry, Henry began to convince himself. Did he even mean the encouraging shit he’d said to him during training, or was he just being nice to score p***y points?  Henry got up and asked, “Jasp, Piper, want anything?” Charlotte noted that he didn’t ask her and Max, but she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. She could talk to him later about it. She was enjoying this… openness.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #303

“if i can’t be loved, then i’ll be hated”

What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Candy corn or conversation hearts? They're both gross, don't make me pick between garbage. Do you own a lot of earrings? Not really after I weeded them out before moving. What did your backpack in high school look like? I dare say I had the dopest backpack of them all. It looked like a massive Ouija board, and the zipper was the planchet (sp?). Have you ever been to a rave? Nah. What is your favorite art medium? I have a particular fondness of oil paintings. They tend to look so smooth, and you can achieve incredible realism with them. How far away is the nearest hospital from you? Not even five minutes, I think. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. What is your favorite car color? Pink, duh. How did you learn to type? We actually had a class specifically for typing in middle school. What style of wedding dress do you want? I don't have that set in stone yet, but I really do love ballgown dresses with long trains as well as a-lines with a moderate train. I love a lot, except really for mermaid dresses. Do you fit into any stereotype, or are you non-stereotypical? I don't know if I fit perfectly into any and really don't care. Would you want your first child to have your hair color? ???? I don't care about their hair lol?????? It would depend on the hypothetical father, in which case I'd probably find it cute, but this is so, so unimportant. Do you enjoy writing in cursive? Yeah, it just feels good and flowy to me. What is your favorite hair color? Natural? Probably blonde with natural darker undertones throughout. I like blonde hair because it's far easier to dye, haha. Now, if we're including DYED hair, rose gold or pastel pink is *chefs kiss* What is your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue, probz. Would you put your birthday on a different day if you could? Nah, it's fine where it is. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Valentine's. Do you vent on social media a lot? NOOOOOOOO. I barely post ANYTHING about myself on social media because I feel like I'm being annoying, self-absorbed, find anything I do actually interesting, or don't want people to think I'm a whiner. All I ever really do on social media is share or reblog funny shit, things I love, stuff I find relatable or inspirational, educational, important for whatever reason, etc... Do you have abusive parents? I am very thankful to say no. Is your house haunted? Doesn't seem like it. What's your favorite thing to watch on YouTube? I'm in a real WoW-related phase lately... Watching my favorite streamers, gold farming guides, and other various aspects of the game. What are five health problems that you have? I talk about the mental issues enough, so I guess I'll talk about physical stuff here. Uhhh I have very low blood pressure (it's a med side effect), I have extremely weak legs following muscle atrophy, I have bad tremors, especially in my hands (amplified by medication once again), maybe TMI but we're adults here and it's a legit issue that I have chronic and severe conspitation, aaaand then of course I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) to a fucking outrageous and also humiliating degree. Ooooonce again as a prescription side effect. This answer made meds sound kinda bad, I know, but really, I'd rather have the will to live and just have to deal with these than want to die everyday and not. Do you have surgery coming up? No, let's keep it that way until I lose enough weight and when I am 110% getting loose skin removal. Which family member(s) do you look the most like? My sisters, ig. People say my mom also, but I honestly don't see it. Have you ever cried while watching a YouTube video? Yeah, usually just in let's plays, but it's happened for other reasons. Are you missing a website that just shut down? Nah, none that I know of. NO. FUCKING WAIT. So, when my laptop was fixed, a LOT of shit was wiped from it, and that included all of my goddamn Lightroom editing presets. The site they were from no longer exists, so I had to use a different, pretty sub-par one to install at least a few because it helps me get a start on editing the photograph and leaning towards the "vibe" I want before spending like 15+ minutes tuning it myself. Would you be a barefoot bride? No. Which would you rather name your daughter: Eliana, Echo, Emerald, or Ellery? Ohhh, I like these. I think I prefer "Eliana," but "Echo" is a close second. "Ellery" is nice, but it sounds too much like "celery" to name my kid that lmao. Which would you rather name your son: Maverick, Matthew, or Moses? Ugh, none, honestly. But "Matthew" wins. When was the last time you gave a speech? Like a *legit" speech? Probably not since uhhh... I guess when I argued my disability case at court? Does that even count? Have you ever been in a stampede? Well, never seen this'n in a survey before, so good job, lol. No. If you were a fairy, what color would you like your wings to be? It would depend on what I wore, really. And my hair. But probably light pink. Would you rather name your son Storm, Skylar, Sorin, or Solomon? "Sorin." "Skylar" is SO Southern, and "Solomon" sounds like the creepy kid all his classmates avoid and I ain't putting my kid through that. Did you read a devotional this morning? Not my jam. Would you rather be named Arizona, Alaska, Cali, or Georgia? Hm... "Alaska" is actually kinda cool???? And I'm white as fuck so lol????? I wouldn't mind to nickname of "Ally," anyway. Are you repulsed by ugly reptiles? lololol bro get out Did all your friends know about your first crush or was it a secret? I was definitely secretive and shy about it when I first started getting crushes. Do you ever feel insecure about going out without makeup? I feel insecure either way, so... How many different natural hair colors are there in your immediate family? So, this is a hard question to answer. My mom was born with brown hair, but it darkened to almost black; only her daughter Katie inherited that. By some genetic magic, Dad had blond hair as a kid, but it also turned black. Like... how?????? I was born with dirty blonde hair like him, and mine turned an average brown with age. My immediate sisters have always had brown hair. What is your favorite online game? World of Warcraft is ballin'. Would you ever want to be famous and sign autographs? Ha, the idea of signing autographs is awful... I can't physically write very long without my carpal tunnel flaring up. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? LOOSE. Especially as a bigger person, tight shirts are just really uncomfortable. What is your favorite Spanish name? I don't know nearly enough to answer this. Would you rather visit Asia or Europe? I think Asia is, in general, more interesting and prettier as a whole, but I guess I'm drawn to European culture being more like my own and there are specific locations I'm interested in, like Germany or Scotland. So to answer the question, I guess Europe wins. Are there any Asians in your family? I don't believe so. Have you ever had colored braces? Haha yeah, I did that when I had them. Do you take birth control pills? Yes, just for period cramps. Without them, they can be immobilizing for me. If you live in the USA: do you feel free and safe? Ha, no. Well, not *entirely*. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? I was recovering from the stomach virus, if that counts. As in I still got sick the day before and felt iffy on my actual bday. 17th, I think? Is talking about your past painful for you? Yes. Are you a member of any support groups online? I'm a member of The Mighty site, if that counts. When I'm feeling very, very sound of mind and helpful without all the negativity being a detriment to myself, I do like going on there and trying to help or comfort people. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? Yes, and the line was busy, and that's when I decided I was a goner. Do you ever fantasize about revenge? I uhhhhh... sometimes. What's a movie you would recommend to someone who never watches movies? Ohhh, that's hard. I don't really watch movies either, and I'm trying to think of one that essentially anyone would like, so hm. Oh, Coco is absolutely a possibility. That movie touched me so, so deeply and is high on my favorites list. It's impossible to not feel the emotions. Do you want to have grandkids? Hell, I don't want kids. Do you want to be an aunt or uncle? I already am one, and I love being an aunt. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember their names or characters in general. Did you make a lot of home videos growing up? I mean *I* didn't, but Mom filmed quite a few. Do you enjoy babysitting? NO. What's an unpopular opinion that you have? Avoiding some political ones, uhhhh. OH. HERE'S ONE. THE SCENE AESTHETIC IS FUCKING CUTE AND NOT CRINGEY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Are you attracted to the opposite gender, same gender, or both? Both are A+. Was your first crush on someone of the same gender or opposite? Opposite. As a kid, I didn't even fathom the concept that women could date women. What is something you'll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. Fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Besides the very obvious answer of "Covid," I worry about my mom a lot. She's so weakened after all the chemo and meds and can do literally less than I can without heavily breathing and sweating. I just worry a lot that cancer will return sooner than we hope; I don't want it to EVER come back, but doctors say it is very, very likely at one point or another because she was so very close to Stage 4. What would be your personal hell? Being completely and entirely isolated forever while somewhere hot and humid, lol. And play one of my trigger songs on repeat eternally. What made the "weird kid" at your school weird? There was this poor guy named Alfred that was VERY clearly depressed out of his mind, and I heard him speak maybe once through all of high school, and the entire class couldn't believe it. He always sat way in the back and never smiled. I wonder how he is nowadays. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" personally offends me the most when misused and spoken as an insult. What instantly puts you to sleep? Now that is HARD to do; I have a ridiculously hard time going to sleep. The easiest way though would probably be me being drained from an emotional breakdown. That is so exhausting that I'm capable of crashing pretty fast and hard. What song is in a language you don't speak, but you love it anyway? I adore Rammstein, so there's plenty. I'll probably say "Donaukinder" is their best. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? I keep that I RP a complete secret in my "real" life for this reason unless it's like, pried out of me. What's a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. See how goddamn disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that's ever happened to you? Ha, realizing I was bisexual after once being homophobic. What is the funniest fact you know? Oh man, I know a lot of random trivia shit, really, so it's hard to say. Maybe that quokkas throw their offspring at predators to distract and escape from them... As awful as that is, c'mon, you gotta admit it's funny and shocking with just how adorable they are. What was your 'mic drop' moment? Oh, I don't know. Possibly when I publicly came out as bi on Facebook and made it abundantly clear that I gave no shits about some homophobic friends and family & I was beyond willing to let anyone's ass go over it. What's the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a kid at McDonald's, the woman in front of our car paid for our food; apparently seeing a mom, dad, and three kids in a van was enough that she wanted to just be kind and give us a smile. We have no idea who she was, never saw her face or anything, she was just a sweet woman. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? Okay, I'm going to let go of all hatred for my body weight-wise and just think of this as from a strictly natural design perspective, in which case I'd say my toes are too small. What age are you afraid of turning and why? 30, because I'm terrified of getting there and seeing I've possibly gone nowhere. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? I'm keeping this question in just because I think there could be some interesting answers for others, but I'm witholding my answer because nobody wants or needs to know lmao. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting better than others and belittling. Who's a villain you sympathize with and why? D A R K I P L I E R because of his origins and overall purpose and just simply existing. What is something you regret to NOT have done? I have this oddly weird regret of not going like, all-all the way with He Who Shall Not Be Named????? Idk why though????? Considering I loved him way too much and I was a reckless and impulsive person who probably at some point would have wound up accidentally pregs????? What a fuckin trip that woulda been. What movie changed your life for the better? None have really "changed my life." What book you think should be directed as a film? Oh, idk. Most I can think of have been. Of all the decades you've lived in, which one have you liked best? The 2000s, probably. A carefree kid. How are you doing today? I'm exhausted. While out with Mom and my sisters yesterday, we got behind a van whose driver was obviously drunk or high off his goddamn ass, and he was swerving EVERYWHERE, nearly shoving so many cars off the road. Mom called 911 to get in contact with highway patrol to report his dumb fucking ass in. I was having an absolute panic attack and cried quietly like the entire 45 or so minute drive home. I was just so, so upset because this is why I don't fucking drive, and I felt like I'd made my sister (who was driving) mad because she had to firmly tell me I had to calm down (I was hyperventilating and talking to myself to try to calm down) if she was going to focus and keep us safe. She later ensured me she wasn't mad, but I still wasn't the same the entire rest of the day. Anyway, I slept hard last night but had two nightmares, so I'm still really tired today. I'm trying to keep myself really distracted. What's something your relatives don't know about you? A whole lot really, considering beyond my very immediate family, I see almost nobody because they live many states away. What's something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Mom would spank us or slap an arm pretty hard if my sisters or I misbehaved or "disrespected" her by "talking back." I'm not having kids, but I would never, ever, ever, put my hands on them in any way that isn't loving. You do not teach children via inflicting fear. I also have this probably overly strong aversion to beer because that's what Dad always drank as an alcoholic. I'll probably never try it, not that I really want to because it smells awful. What's the most annoying thing your pet does? I feel like "annoying" is the wrong word for this, but Roman (my cat) can be incredibly demanding of attention and to lie on me when I'm on the laptop in bed, and sometimes I just want space and be able to clearly see the screen, haha. He will legit meow like a baby and gently swat my arm sometimes if I try to keep him back. Heeee usually gets his way. As for Venus (snek), she does nothing "annoying" either, but rather a bit concerning to a snake mom: she is usually very slow to find and strike her food. I feed her frozen/thawed mice, and she will first slither around her entire cage, tongue flicking and clearly looking for her food, even though I always place it atop the same spot on her hide, and she can have her head RIGHT beside it and still do nothing. She ultimately generally eats (as a ball python though, she's a picky eater and will occasionally reject a meal), but I of course wonder why she's odd about dinnertime... As a champagne, she does have the notorious "spider gene" in her, which can cause neurological issues, but idk if something like this could be related.

[neshabeingchildish]

Upgraded

Share-a-Lair 10 

Charlotte was extremely excited about Henry’s advancement results. He was now featured on Hero Tracks, and she was THE FIRST person to follow him! Hero Tracks was one of her favorite forms of social media. Hero Tracks (while mentioned before, hasn’t been explained, so… let’s).

Hero Tracks served as a progress and news tracker for your favorite heroes. General updates were for the public, but if you follow a hero, you get more updates and if you’re on the friends list, you get to see their own posts, read DETAILS that they would trust friends with. Charlotte generally followed and friended every hero that she met. Henry wasn’t previously on Hero Tracks, because he thought that sidekicks with tracks were lame. “Their hero has a page that has AND and features them. Getting a separate account is try hard,” he told her. So, whenever the Hero League reported his results to him, (which also gets sent to Charlotte, simultaneously), she posted his account from the Tower, followed the account, and congratulated him. Shortly afterwards, Max sent a friend request, which she accepted on Henry’s behalf, and Max also congratulated Henry, “Good  going! Hope this means you’ll move out soon!” She laughed and shook her head. She actually wanted the two of them to possibly work together at some point… and she wished that maybe they could train together. She nonchalantly dropped these desires to both of them at different times, subtly. Max definitely took it in. Henry shot her down.

But. A few days later, Henry received a message from the Hero League.

“I can’t believe my life,” Henry said, disappointed.

Charlotte glanced over and wondered, “What’s happened?” He shoved his phone to her and she read, then cheered, “Max is gonna be your Hero League appointed mentor and trainer?!? Lucky you!” She gave him the phone back with a huge smile. “I’m so proud of this.”

“You had something to do with this, didn’t you?”

“I told Max the same things that I told you and I guess he cared, because that message says that he personally requested this… and Henry… That is remarkable. He’s got global hero status. Henry… This could rocket your hero career.”

He sighed. He knew these things. He still didn’t like it. This meant that he sort of would have to report to Max… and… he still worked for Captain Man. When would he have PEACE, in this arrangement? He groaned and left her workspace to go call Jasper and complain to him about it. HE’D offer some type of empathy for Henry’s plight.

.

Honestly, it wasn’t bad being under Max’s mentorship and training. Henry found that even though he hated being around him casually, Max was pretty professional and patient with teaching him stuff. Sometimes, Henry could see in his expressions that he thought Henry should know more and was silently judging him for it. But, the one time that he brought it up, Max corrected him by saying, “I’m actually judging Captain Man. It’s almost like he never wanted you to take over for him… or maybe Swellview is too small for your talents. That’s also possible. Hiddenville was definitely too small for mine, and you’re under my wings now, so… your possibilities broaden.” Max gave him a sincere smile, then clapped his hands once and said, “Back to acrobatics lessons!” 

Max was… a brilliant fighter! Henry was super impressed with his abilities, agility, and versatility. And, he wouldn’t say it yet, but he was truly grateful for the opportunity to work so closely with him. Also, he was seeing Max a lot differently. Whenever he was satisfied with Henry’s training progress, he said that he would select assignments to bring him on. ASSIGNMENTS. With SuperMax! Henry was not going to fanboy over it… openly. He just wanted to work hard, prove himself, and venture on those opportunities.

.

Piper decided a get together was in order, because since Henry began training with Max, he hadn’t been in Swellview as much. Hero League business took precedence over Swellview business and Max refuted several of Captain Man’s refusals to let Henry off for various reasons. Max’s requests took precedence. Captain Man was definitely pissed, but Piper missed her brother and friends. Charlotte hadn’t felt the same about Piper since she joined the team and started acting like the guys, but she still hung out with her whenever she got a chance, out of nostalgia for the kid that she used to love and Girl Code. Definitely didn’t make it a priority or effort, though.

There they were, all being at least civil and Piper suggested that they play “Sex, Kill Marry” or whatever the heck it was called. Charlotte rolled her eyes and listened to various requests and answers, from names that Piper spouted out.

Jasper thought for a moment, during his turn, “Hmmm… I guess I’d marry Timothy Chalamet, screw Matthew Daddario, and have to kill Dylan Minnette. (Only because I just don’t love him like the other two…)”

Henry complained, “I HATE THIS GAME. UGH. F word China McClain, K word Selena Gomez, marry Daisy Riddle.”

Piper told him, “That’s not even her name!” 

Henry wasn’t to be deterred or have this lengthened. “That’s my answer! This is weird enough to play with my sister involved.”

So, when it was Charlotte’s turn and Piper said, “These three!” And she pointed at the three dudes in then room. 

Max raised an eyebrow and gave her an amused glance. Charlotte was extremely surprised. “Everybody else got celebrities!” she pointed out.

“Yeah, but I’m much more curious about this,” Piper said, waving her finger between Charlotte and the guys.. 

Charlotte reached for her wine tumbler and took a sip. Wow. Ugh. She hated this game too. “Well, Jasper… I love you and all, and it’s been real, but…”

“Kill ME???” Jasper completed the thought. “Why???”

“Well… because my brain just can’t fathom any scenario in which either of the other options could happen,” She shrugged her shoulders and took another drink.

He sank in the couch and Piper reminded him, “Henry will marry you." 

Henry scoffed, "I’m marrying Daisy Riddle.”

“RIDLEY!” Charlotte and Piper both snapped. Then, Piper sighed and looked back to Charlotte. 

“With enough wine, I guess Henry gets laid..” she took another sip of wine and Max tried not to smile as big as he wanted to. 

Henry on the other hand jumped up, “Do you realize that means you’d choose to marry MAX?" 

"I’m glad you said it so I don’t have to,” Charlotte said and stared into her wine glass.

“I’d like to hear you say it,” Max said and smiled at her. She fought a smile of her own and avoided his gaze. They hadn’t been together long enough to even have a conversation about this, so it was SUPER awkward. They hadn’t even… gone very far intimately or officially told their friends about them. As far as everyone was concerned, they were still playing the “will they, won’t they” game. And now Piper’s little messy ass brings this mess in front of everyone, including Max.

“Why do I have to die, but Max gets married?” Jasper asked, breaking into her stressful thoughts.

“Yep,” Charlotte said, relieved for the interruption of her overthinking. 

“What?” Jasper asked the sky.

“Huh?” Charlotte asked him.

“Why? You barely know him and what we do know is that he was a teenage villain and I know we can’t prove it, but I’m reasonably sure he stranded me and Henry on that boat!”

“I was at a party all night with Charlotte,” Max said. She nodded her head, making eye contact with him for the first time since her answer, but she quickly looked away.  He squeezed her knee, then turned his attention back to Jasper. “And I can’t believe that the “why” isn’t obvious.” He began to count his qualities on his fingers for Jasp, “I’m a genius. I have great hair. Muscles. Superpowers. A jet. I can fight, dance, award winning skills in a variety of areas, I’m beautiful and handsome, at the same time…”

“You rock a pair of gray sweatpants like nobody else in the world,” Jasper added, seeing Max’s points.

“Like… everyone here should want to marry me,” Max finished off.

"He’s not humble, but he’s correct,” Charlotte said. 

“Thank you for admitting that my hair and muscles have value,” he teased her.

“Wait…” When she  looked up; he winked at her and she felt her face warm from a combination of realizing that the person that was just described was… hers (and wine). This was an even more impressive catch than her ex! She smiled at him.

“You’re equally as intelligent as me and I’d be honored to be your hypothetical husband. Imagine our hypothetical offspring!” Max cheered in excitement. He… really could see himself with Charlotte for the long haul and talking about it, even hypothetically… made it more realistic for him.

And she played along, too. “They would have to be intelligent. That’s just genetics. Obviously, they’d be gorgeous. We both have stunning features, good health, perfect teeth, amazing hair…" he just nodded to everything that she said. “Wow. I really chose well. Imagine if I had answered out of loyalty!” They both laughed. 

“Jasper’s rocks for brains babies. Henry’s pick any feature and I’ll pick it apart…” Henry and Jasper grimaced at Max’s insults.

“You’re so rude,” she giggled. 

“You love it,” he said and winked. 

She nodded. “Can’t deny that." 

“Come here for a sec,” he said and pulled her into his lap. She laughed and he kissed her on the neck, “I would have collapsed this entire house if you said anything else.”

“That doesn’t give me confidence in my choice! You’d better not give our hypothetical kids a temper!”

“Temper? I’M not the one with the temper to give them.” He kissed her neck again and she just reveled in it. They hadn’t been this openly affectionate, but she was feeling good and he had the best neck kisses.

“Are you two still talking hypothetical kids?” Henry asked.

“Are you saying that I’M the one with the temper?” Charlotte asked in a low voice, not paying attention to Henry’s question or Piper taking a sneak pic of them.

“You’re the more aggressive of the two of us,” he said.

Jasper let out an extremely loud sigh of relief. “OKAY! So, I had to die because you two are actually officially doing the thing. Okay. I feel better.” 

Henry frowned. He didn’t feel better. He knew that there was something between the two of them, but he guessed that he didn’t think it would get to this level… The seeing his second boss kissing his best friend’s neck… He… didn’t care for that. Max squeezed Charlotte and rested on her shoulder. They were having their own little conversation while Piper was posting their photo and asking how many people knew that they were official.

“This bitch is so messy,” Henry heard Charlotte whisper (about his sister, which he didn’t appreciate, but he knew that he was probably more irritated with Charlotte for being with Max). 

Was that why he was mentoring him? TO please his girlfriend? He really… didn’t see anything special in Henry, Henry began to convince himself. Did he even mean the encouraging shit he’d said to him during training, or was he just being nice to score p***y points?  Henry got up and asked, “Jasp, Piper, want anything?” Charlotte noted that he didn’t ask her and Max, but she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. She could talk to him later about it. She was enjoying this… openness.