#Within me is a traumatized catholic boy

[baconcolacan]

When christmas mass is over Im going to be so homosexual….

[custarcake]

erm... did someone say Texas headcanons?? 🤓

- LOSER!!!!!!! he is such an unbelievable loser. socially awkward. prone to violence/arguments. can and will fight someone but has to have 926339373 hours in order to process a conversation. will have bouts of silence between each sentence. loves to talk but is not good at talking.

- he is so Mexican/Hispanic to me. ex-catholic who still believes in god. gay man with heavy internalized homophobia.

- has the prettiest brown eyes :33 but like they're DARK brown. almost black. and when you look at them, it's almost like staring into a comforting night sky.

- sooo many daddy issues. so much trauma. but was also a spoiled brat as a kid, and would relish in the attention and shit while ignoring everything horrible n traumatizing that was going on.

- HE IS A HATER!!!!! he loves to hate. he feels emotions very strongly and is generally bark AND bite.

- loves dogs :3

- he loves stars!!! and space in general :D

- is a farm boy!!! has his own farmhouse he keeps to himself, and he loves loves loves cows. he gives them names and personalities and talks to them a lot :D

- adores the rest of the South. (excluding oklahoma bc he reminded tex too much of his former self when he came into the Union);; tries to play it cool, but he genuinely loves being around them a lot. comes to very event and acts sooo tough but he's grinning so hard when he enters the house. he loves his friends :)

- his besties:::: Tennessee & Georgia!! (the georgia-texas friendship is so important to me) is on rlly good (but somewhat strange) terms with Florida.

- he has such a weird relationship with Gov. these two are NOT normal about each other. was Gov's favorite for a short time--and Texas still does matter to Gov greatly--and still remains someone he'll get into his office and just. talk.

- texas gets a lot of stories about the colonial days as the OG 13 and the war, (mostly from Georgia n Virginia) he very much enjoys hearing about it bc he so badly wishes he was there. (he'd been alone for the majority of his own revolution, so the idea of being within a "family" of sorts is very :)) to him.)

[bunytime]

about Kyle and HUMANCENTiPAD

I only feel comfortable talking on this specific issue because it's not solely regarding head-canons or ships and I prefer to avoid infighting over more inflammatory topics to the best of my ability. Also, Tumblr allows for more nuanced discussion so I'm putting it here

This is not an aimed post, it's just my two cents

I want to start by saying I don't think someone is horrible for preferring to draw the most “canon-compliant” version of characters. I follow this in my own way. I'm commenting on why this is a concern to me as one Jewish fan. I don’t speak for anyone but myself. 

While there are exceptions, it is discomforting to see Kyle with these mouth scars for many reasons. I think S15E1 is pretty torture-porn-y as far as South Park goes (I don’t have a better term for this, sorry). No, I honestly don’t feel grossed out or disturbed by most episodes. Yes, it’s a comedy, and rightfully, if you don’t have the stomach for South Park, don’t watch it; to some extent, this also applies to the fan works which explore canonical dark tones. We also know Matt and Trey can take it too far and have in the past. S15E1 just is one of those personal thresholds for me, although this post isn't really about the morality of the episode.

Anyway, there’s a big argument about Kyle’s scars representing his overcoming of trauma, etc. but I disagree with this defense on why they should be there. If we genuinely wanted to talk about Kyle overcoming trauma, we would talk about the primary source of his trauma: how Kyle, even in more recent plots, is constantly harassed for being Jewish. We would also allow for more open conversation about antisemitism in the fandom, especially in the form of fan art. Kyle’s religion is irrelevant to how he wound up in the situation of S15E1. Therefore, the “overcoming trauma” point feels dishonest and inaccurate to me, especially considering the episode is just one long joke (vs South Park storylines which are more serious). It’d be fairer just to claim drawing it for fun.

For comparison: Butters has an eye scar; this is widely accepted within fanon. I have depicted it too. However, the optics of giving a blond-haired Roman Catholic white boy a minimal scar over his eye is way different than giving prominent scars over essentially half of a Jewish character’s face. Plus, it’s fair to say that an eye scar is usually regarded as a “beneficial” character design element regardless of origin.

Butters’ scar, while it would be a traumatizing injury, was accidental. Indeed, the conceit of “Good Times With Weapons” is the shitty way Butters is treated by the people around him. Kyle’s scars, on the other hand, would be from purposeful torture, and it’s lately been depicted not just as two sutures on the sides of his mouth but as large amounts of scar tissue shaped like an eerie smile. If it's to be scientifically realistic, then fine, but by that logic Butters should be blind in one eye or even more likely missing it, and other characters would be visibly scarred in different ways as well.

In addition, Butters’ appearance is widely and commonly depicted as “cute” - for lack of a better word - so adding a comparatively small and pinkish scar to a generally positively-regarded character (at least in terms of conventional appearances) is not the same as adding highly exaggerated scars to a Jewish character that fans generally don’t seem to think of as “soft” or even approachable the same way they see Butters. I draw Kyle with his kidney surgery scar, so I hope I am making it clear that scars are fine on characters. Of course, facial scars are very different. Still, when you stretch the scar tissue into an uncanny smile over half the face of a minority character from a one-time torture porn gag, it’s fair for people to be upset.

From my point of view, it’s off-putting because it’s about how a Jewish person (myself) sees fandom treat a Jewish character in particular; one who is frequently on the end of vitriol from within canon (Cartman’s abuse, most often) AND fans (that is: a whole subset of fans who think Kyle is cruel, heartless, and manipulative, and stress it) and it is arguably a symptom of something more insidious and deeply alarming than folks might want to admit. 

I’ll be the first to say that Kyle’s canon features deserve faithful depiction, even within stylization. Moreover, facial scars don’t carry inherent personality traits in real life. But fictional character design does not exist in a vacuum, and some people are virtually insisting that Kyle be as aggressively caricatured as possible. Please remember that for centuries Jews have been (subjectively but societally) associated with ugliness, weakness, dirt, and disease. Be mindful when portraying Kyle as extremely blemished and essentially inferior or ostracized. It’s not because facial scars are these negative traits: it’s about what they mean in context to certain characters. We all internally moralize what we dislike. As such though, it’s troubling to observe that this fandom scrambles to talk about why “feminizing” Kyle is hurtful to Jewish people, yet there’s no such section defending it as there is one defending Kyle's stigmatization.

[droids-in-disguise]

Good Omens 2 making me think a lot about religion and religious deconstruction.

For context, I grew up Baptist, went to Catholic school for jr. high, and attended a private Christian school for my undergrad.

I grew up being told that the Bible was the ultimate source of truth, that is was the guidebook for our lives as Christians, and that, most importantly it should be taken literally.

I started wrestling with the concept of queerness when I was in jr. high. By then I had joined tumblr and had a best friend who was openly pan. But it was still a problem, because my church's reading of the Bible was that being gay was a sin. I existed very much in that "hate the sin, love the sinner" space that so many Christians seem to think is the appropriate answer. I also realized that despite being told that my church was doing Christianity the "right" way, these Catholics seemed to be just as sure in their conviction that they were doing it the right way.

In high school, I could sometimes privately admit to myself that the label "asexual" felt good, but more often than not I would lie to myself and say I was just too busy with grades and extracurricular activities to commit time to dating boys. I certainly never came out to anyone.

Ironically, it was the theology classes I took in college combined with the freedom of living away from my parents that helped me to finally realize that the Church as I knew it did not have the final say.

I learned that Biblical canon was not always set in stone and that it varies from denomination, that Hebrew and Greek words can have more than one translation or even no direct translation in English, I learned about liberation theology, and about womanist/feminist interpretations of scripture. Outside of theology class I took classes focused on Islamic history and literature. I had conversations about faith with my Muslim, Jewish, and Pagan peers. I met queer people who were both queer and Christian and who didn't see these identities as conflicting.

I had an old, hardass British lit professor who said something once during our study of Paradise Lost that I'll never forget, and that was that he believed God was like a diamond or some other precious gemstone, and that that all the different groups of Christians, Jews, and Muslims were all just seeing different facets of the same thing. Apparently this statement was something he had once told university higher-ups and it nearly cost him his job.

Despite all the deconstruction and the private acknowledgement that the church I grew up in did not have a monopoly on truth, I still went to church for years after. I did have the good sense to stop going to my parents' church and found one that was much more progressive and openly accepting of queer people, but even still it was hard to separate how much of me was there because I wanted to be there and how much was out of obligation or some sense of needing to reclaim my now tarnished view of the Church. I'm not sure where I sit now, only that I don't think I can be the one to create change from within, I am too damaged and tired for that.

All of this is why I think I relate so deeply to Aziraphale and the journey his character has undertaken, and why claims that he behaved out-of-character in the finale or that his coffee was drugged irritate me so much, because in another universe where I'm Aziraphale, I could see myself doing and saying the exact same things.

Letting go is hard, it's been painful and traumatic for me, I can't imagine what it would be for a being like Aziraphale with a much longer history.

There's such a strong desire to believe that it's only some of the Church that's bad and that if we have enough good people on the inside we can change it for the better.

Aziraphale has been hurt by Heaven and he's realized that Heaven is just as capable of doing bad as Hell (in many ways what Heaven does is more sinister because they won't admit to the bad and hide behind the façade of goodness and moral superiority), but he's a people pleaser and he's been an angel for so long, he can't just let go of his community and everything he has ever known no matter how poorly he has been treated by said Heavenly community. So then he gets this offer, work for Heaven, be in charge, make a difference. He can keep Heaven and Crowley, have his cake and eat it too. Of course he takes the job.

Crowley has had the outsider perspective for longer, he was the first to start asking questions. Perhaps there was a time when he too would've said yes to the Metatron, but now he knows better.

"We don't need Heaven, we don't need Hell. They're toxic!"

Aziraphale hasn't reached the same level of understanding that Crowley has, that no matter how many times he goes crawling back, Heaven will never truly accept him or be the place for him.

They way this story has been told over the past two seasons has been magnificent. Just as I can pinpoint all the different moments in my life that have helped to unravel what I thought I knew, we as the audience get to watch Aziraphale have these revelations too. In the first season we have the ineffable plan and this idea that armageddon is necessary and that Aziraphale shouldn't be the one to question it, but he does question it because he loves humanity, sees their goodness, and can't understand why a good God would allow them to be destroyed.

In season two, I found the bits surrounding Job to be especially poignant. First the shock that Heaven would condone the killing of children, then the realization that Crowley wouldn't kill the children or the goats going against his demonic "nature" proving Aziraphale's assumptions wrong, and finally the fear that lying would make him into a demon and the surprise when this turned out not to be true.

I have a feeling that by the end of season 3, when we get it, we will have the satisfaction of seeing Aziraphale and Crowley finally on the same page and I for one can't wait.

[conflictandscotchblog]

I Really Hope God Has a Sense of Humor

For those of us who grew up in the sixties and seventies, and from an Italian household, our parents thought it was their duty to send us all to Catholic school to be taught by the nuns.

Gee, thanks.

From that, all of us in our sixties, are paying for the summer homes of our therapists.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure some of us received a great education and went on to lead normal, happy lives…

...or did we?

So, let me share the story that sealed my fate, and the reason I am okay with that because, well, it was just so damn funny.

In the late sixties, I was in fourth grade. You know, those precious, formative years.

We were invited to go see a play in a theater in Newark, New Jersey. It was called The Robe, the story of Christ’s crucifixion on the cross, and his resurrection.

Uplifting, and traumatizing, at the same time.

Obviously, just what every fourth-grader wants to see.

We were directed, not asked, to be in front of the church at seven o’clock Saturday morning. Not very convenient for a household with one car, a father who worked all day, and a mother that didn’t drive.

My father dropped me off before work, in front of the church. Just a little side bar to show how times have changed.

As I said, my father dropped me off in front of the church at seven o’clock in the morning. Church was in the center of town, not another soul around within eyesight. Then, my dad just did what all dads did at that time...

...he drove away.

If that happened today, I would be visiting my father in his orange jumpsuit, and we’d talk through the glass in the jailhouse.

By eight o’clock, all my mates were there with me. We horsed around in our best suits, and made the girls scream as we pulled their hair.

You know, we did the things that all boys did.

Little did we know at the time, all the nuns of the parish were in church, attending full high mass.

Those of you that do not know what a high mass is, let me explain. It is hours of standing, sitting, kneeling, singing, much like a low impact workout at Planet Fitness.

When mass was over, the doors of the church swung open, and an Armada of nuns filed out of the church, like a military Boot Camp. Scared the living shit out of all of us.

I peed a little in my pants.

As I remember, it was a cold blistery day, and all the puddles were frozen in front of the church and on the sidewalk.

Leading this pack of nuns, and always first out of the church, was the high commander, Sister Marcella.

Let me give you a brief description of the leader of the pack: She was a towering four-foot-eight-inches tall, and about the same size wide. Below her nose, she sported a very well trimmed mustache to match her uni-brow.

Sister Marcella came to the end of the church landing, and she looked over as if we were her subjects. As she stepped off the last step, her foot hit a frozen puddle on the sidewalk, and immediately went ass over tea kettle.

Her habit wrapped around her head, her feet shot straight up into the air, which revealed her utility belt underneath her habit.

For those of you not familiar with the term, the utility belt was worn underneath a nuns habit. It was there to carry rosary beads, or lunch, maybe handcuffs, possibly a bull whip, and pretty sure our commander carried a gun.

After she stepped on the frozen puddle, she executed a gold medal worthy Olympic flip.

The Russian judge gave her a 9.8.

Sister Marcella landed on her back, with her legs pointed straight up to the sky.

And here’s why I’m going to hell.

When we all finally caught our breath, and try to focus on the events that just happened, I saw something that I never thought, or wanted, to see.

That’s right, I saw a nun’s vagina.

Being in the fourth grade, I’m not sure what it was at that time in my life. However, it was nothing like I have ever seen before, or since.

I am not sure because I blacked out from laughing so hard. I must have been the only one that laughed because before I knew it, sister Marcella had me by the ear and neck. She screamed at me in Latin, something about the Almighty and the vengeful hand of God.

So, because of my outbreak of laughter, I had the pleasure of sitting with sister Marcella on the bus. All day, both ways, to and from, the theater. I stared forward, and never made direct eye contact with anyone.

Much like when you go visit a Silverback Gorilla at the zoo.

So yes, I’m going to hell, but it brings me comfort. Once again, I will be with all my friends.

And, knowing my luck, Sister Marcella will be there, at the gates of Hell, to greet me.

[the-kill-switch]

001: The Difference Between Prayer and Mercy is How You Move Your Tongue

TW // Internalized homophobia , mention of physical abuse , mention of self-harm , mention of inappropriate behavior

Paschalis Milan, a child of Italian soil born to Korean parents, bore a name intricately linked to the bustling city of Milan. His parents ensured that he was baptized, christening him with the name Paschal, a tribute to Saint Paschal.

From the earliest years of his life, Milan was steeped in Catholic beliefs, and his education took place within the hallowed halls of a Catholic school. His faith bloomed naturally, leading him to become a devout Catholic. By the time he reached junior high school, he had devoured the entire Bible, effortlessly citing verses. He took up a leadership role in the local youth Catholic community, never missing a Sunday mass, and became a beloved figure among his peers. His kindness, wisdom, and inspiration touched the lives of many.

Yet, the tides of change began to stir in his senior year of high school. Milan found himself drawn to a classmate in a way he'd never experienced before. An attraction that he desperately tried to suppress, for he had been taught that such feelings towards the same sex were not only wrong but sinful. He also harbored unease with the increasing visibility of the gay community, believing it was contributing to a world in moral decay.

Despite his efforts to deny his feelings, they persisted and grew stronger. Nights turned restless as he grappled with emotions that seemed to defy the faith he held dear. Milan would pray, begging for mercy and forgiveness, but the heavens remained silent. To avoid this boy, he withdrew from school and locked himself away, arousing suspicion in his parents. In a moment of desperation, he turned to them for help, only to endure physical abuse and blame.

“Why did God allow these feelings to consume me if He didn't want His children to suffer?" Milan agonized. This traumatic experience marked the first and last time he’d open up about his feelings to his family, as he was forcibly dragged to church to confess his perceived sins. His confession, tearful and nauseating, led him to convince himself that he was no longer in love with his friend, though a trace of affection lingered in a corner of his heart.

Milan, in an attempt to move on with life, met a young woman while he was in college. This attraction caused him to question his sexuality, wondering why he had previously felt drawn to men. He secretly pursued the relationship, finding physical intimacy as comfort, but it only caused him guilt and shame. His Christian upbringing held purity and chastity as important values, which he now felt guilty about breaking.

Once more, his world spiraled. He dared not confide in his parents, given their traumatic response. Instead, he resorted to self-harm, using pain to keep himself in check, lest he commit what he considered the gravest of sins again.

Instead of feeling liberated, Milan was plagued by an internal conflict that questioned his beliefs, values, and worth. The allure of sin and ecstasy was strong, calling him, a sensation he had rarely experienced during his years as a devout Catholic. He yearned for something more, a taste of the forbidden pleasure and joy.

He discovered that the rigid confines of his faith had left him longing for the freedom he had never known. He now often found his thoughts becoming increasingly lustful and scandalous during Sunday masses. Rather than whispering prayers in a state of devotion, he was now preoccupied with fantasies of pleasuring someone else with his tongue intimately, while they begged him for mercy.

[failbaby]

Here are some subtextual things that I 100% believe were completely deliberate and not just sloppy writing or coincidences:

- Birds in literature are symbolic of self-actualization and freedom from suffering. Gideon’s arc being structured around struggling to know/understand himself in the midst of tragedy and trauma is heavily symbolized by his fascination with birds. We frequently see him looking at pictures and paintings of birds, or talking about birds, but never see him looking at or interacting with actual birds. He’s searching for himself, but it’s been so long since he’s understood himself that he’s not even sure what the real thing looks like anymore, and all he has is a two dimensional image.

- In Rossi’s entry scene as a character, he’s hunting waterfowl, and then we never see him hunt ever again. At first glance, it seemed like a completely random thing, but my interpretation rewatching was that that was supposed to signify to us as viewers that the Gideon (bird enjoyer) era was definitively over, and we were now dealing with someone who is less nurturing & inquisitive and more solitary & disciplinarian. (Obviously he softened up within the next few seasons.)

- The parallels between Hotch and Strauss. This one makes me roll my eyes so hard they break because I cannot think of a lazier or less subtle way to do this than “Aaron/Erin,” but it’s still there

- Spencer being an incest victim. There’s a lot that goes into this theory, but most notable are the leeches covering his chest during his Memoriam nightmare, the boy dead behind the washing machine wearing the same sneakers as he was, and his distress during the hypnosis scene.

- Emily’s narrative of being only half-known by her ~family~ and having to conceal a large part of who she is for her own safety directly parallels a lot of queer coming out narratives.

- (Her abortion storyline parallels gay narratives as well)

- Hotch and Spencer as character foils.

- Derek being traumatized by the Catholic church. I think that this could either be queer-coding or an indication that Carl Buford was originally imagined as someone who worked for/attended Derek’s mother’s church, but either way, his complete revulsion towards the priest in Lucky and extreme distress upon entering the church seems to indicate that religion actually caused him trauma rather than just invalidating it.

[bpd-shuichi-togo]

What are your thoughts on each member of the Summoners (Arc may count as well)? I have just finished all the dungeons and read fan translations Shiro’s character quests and it makes me wonder how others view the protagonist’s guildmates.

aside from toji and to a lesser extent shiro, i don't have much to say about most of the summoners, sorry. they're neat, i like them, but they're not very interesting to me i can't really Get Into It with them. ryota is nice. i like hanuman, he is like a baby cousin to me. the whole 'stupid, violent brown person' thing with kengo is kinda...... super crazy racist? hi? hello? i honestly keep forgetting moritaka is with the summoners.

actually i..... don't have much to say about shiro just off the top of my head, except that the ways his and shuichi's characters reflect each other (wrt knowledge, alienation, distrust, etc.) makes me want to start gnawing things. i meant to say something more about him and the d-evils, i'll finish that later ig but i'd probably need prompting for anything beyond that. i LOVE when he has an autism moment i LOVE when he's scary and i LOVE when he's a cunt. (protag voice) my advisor is a bitch and i like him so much :)

100% i do not fw a lot of Toji Likers... that said of the summoners, far and away toji's character has the most depth and is the most interesting/compelling imo. it's genuinely too much for me to put it into words concisely like... i love how everything is a double-edged sword with him. it's best illustrated with how, in chapter 6, he declares himself the enemy of those who rely on blood-ties... thanks to his own lineage and the artifacts passed down through his clan and finally to him, both of which cause him sooo much pain. as SHITTY as he can be, and for the love of god you have to acknowledge how SHITTY he can be, toji himself is the first victim of all his flaws-- flaws stemming from how he was abused/exploited by his would-be surrogate father/the police in general since he was a recently-orphaned child-- and suffers more for them than he ever actually manages to inflict on others, bc he is at the bottom of the hierarchy within the system he adheres to, so even on the very rare occasion where his condemnation of someone is even remotely justified, he can't actually do shit about it. and once you get past seeing him as threatening, he's honestly.... sincerely pathetic, particularly when he's at his lowest in chapter 5, esp when you remember he is a teenage boy who is the way he is bc he's been exploited since he was a recently-orphaned child. his life was set to be a tragedy. and then the protag derailed that tragedy and now we get to see him grow and change and recover :) though it is a process. he is my poor little meow meow, basically, and a portrayal of trauma i really appreciate :) one of my favorite characters

and ARC arc arc my friend arc :) i love arc! i love all of the finishers, but they and babalon are def my favorites of the guild, and some of my favorites of the game in general. i can't really go in-depth on them on a dime but 'incredibly fucked up guy who is INSANELY devoted to their loved ones' is a type of guy i tend to find myself endeared to, if you hadn't noticed. arc was another portrayal of trauma i really appreciated in a game where the characters just shrug off what should be major traumatic events, particularly how lw had the balls to explicitly have them... quietly nursing suicidal ideation. their being catholic is HYSTERICAL to me for some reason, though appropriate with their whole Guilt thing. i like that they're selectively nonverbal i LOVED their interactions with the protag in chapter 8, the GENUINE ANIMOSITY, and how they're one of few characters who honest-to-god dislike the protag, and with their reason for disliking them they could have had SUCH an interesting dynamic, though that isn't as present in the main story as i'd like (the animosity between them felt very one-sided). like i've said before, at length, i don't like the direction lw seems to be going with them since chapter 9, basically completely smoothing over their trauma/neurodivergent traits to the point where they're basically Snarky Teen #28... after they experience the death of their entire family again -_- let me not get started on this actually i'll start tearing my hair out. arc is also my poor little meow meow, basically, even though they're fr*nch

[tthankstoyou]

Hey! If I’m not mistaken, you’ve mentioned before that you’re religious and I was just curious on how that affected your sexuality acceptance and how your sexuality if in any way affected your relationship with God? As well as how the community typically has a bad rep for being homophobic? Touchy subject, please don’t answer if it makes you uncomfortable, again I just really really enjoy reading your queer related thoughts.

It doesn't make me uncomfortable at all! I'd be more than happy to share :D Thank you for being interested in my words <3333

I’m sososo grateful to have made it out of Catholic School without having any religious trauma (that I know of at least)

I was baptized Orthodox and am currently practicing that (or at least trying my best askjfak. Really hard to when there's no Serbian Orthodox churches close). BUUUT I went to Catholic school for all of pre-school, elementary school, and middle school. Since I basically grew up with the Catholic Church, I know much more about that than Orthodoxy and that played a much bigger role in accepting myself than Orthodoxy ever did.

I think having a mix of Catholicism and Orthodoxy in my life helped me create a much more personal relationship with God. While we'd be learning about Catholic practices at school, I would feel like none of it really applied to me since that wasn't my religion. I was even excluded from some lessons, like I was told to sit out when we were learning about the First Communion in the 2nd grade since in the Orthodox Church, you have your First Communion and Chrismation (Chrismation is like the Orthodox version of Confirmation) when you’re baptized. So I was able to build a relationship with God without really feeling a connection to the Church. He became more of a friend to me than anything else. And having that personal relationship with God made it really easy for myself to accept my sexuality while also loving him. Like whatever the Church said about him, I felt like it didn’t apply to me. To me, what has always been the most important teaching from God is that he loves all of his children no matter what. He made all of us exactly the way he wants us to be, including if we are gay or trans.

(When I say “Church” in here I mean specifically the Catholic Church)

And yeah, my teachers were homophobic. I was REALLY vocal about my views about everything in the 8th grade to where it got to a point where I had to be pulled out of class and told to stop talking about gay people because that’s not “What the Church believes in” but that didn’t faze me bc I didn’t care about what the Church said in the first place.

If I’m going to be honest, I found MUCH MORE trouble finding acceptance within the LGBTQ+ community while being religious. I understand that people in the community have religious trauma and their way to cope with that is to make fun of God and say blasphemous things, but that really affected me with finding people. Now I know people (on Tumblr) who are also religious and queer, but I still feel like it’s hard to meet queer people irl and talk about my love for God. In high school I tried to not be religious for a while because of how all of my queer friends constantly bashed religion, but that just made me depressed lmao.

So while I felt somewhat welcome in the Church... I didn’t feel welcome in spaces with other queer people. I was one of the few people in my middle school to go to a public high school and I vividly remember my religion teacher telling me that it will be tough to not be constantly surrounded by people who believe in God and that my faith will be tested. OH BOY I did NOT expect for it to be tested that much. I never would have guessed that people that were supposed to be apart of my community would make me feel shame for loving God. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s completely valid to not believe in God and share how the Church may have traumatized you!! Those are such important conversations to have. They’re really essential in the LGBTQ+ community. I just wish that people were more tolerant to those who do choose to be religious because that could EASILY turn into anti semitism, islamaphobia, etc etc

[always-there]

About consent

OK guys, buckle up, because today's topic is depressing as hell.

Today I'm gonna talk about consent. I usually ponder about this while I cook, in the shower, late at night when I'm applying all my learned hypnosis techniques to force myself to sleep.

I was never taught about consent. All I had going for me was the classic "Rape is bad, avoid rape" chant the world of the 90's society thought was enough. All I saw were girls being advised to not dress like sluts and avoid being provocative in public. I got a good couple of different versions of that, mind you, as I grew up in a conservative Catholic school.

Nobody told us about the universe of potential situations contained within that fucking "Rape is bad, avoid rape". We thought rape happened when a man forced himself on a woman that was actively trying to resist him.

Black and white. No grey areas. Pretty simple.

I was fine with that. I was even judgmental towards victims, once I saw how they were dressed when they were attacked. Or if they were drunk or walking by themselves on areas widely known to be dangerous.

And then I grew up, entered the nasty-ass world of adults, and the Universe took pains to kick my ass in so many ways during 30 years that have finally lead to this post today.

So, I'm a list person. I like making lists. So here goes my one and only...

CONSENT LIST

• Dudes get raped too. Yeah. I know it's basic, but I scoffed at the concept for years. I know many people who still do. Dudes get raped too, get it into your mind. And no, it doesn't happen when they are effeminate weaklings. No. Any man can get raped. And they deserve to be treated as proper victims, with respect and compassion. The few times I've seen testimonies of male rape survivors, they reported even the police was skeptical or treating them like pussies or jokes.

• If your partner is sleeping, it's not consent. No, I don't give a fuck if you guys have been together for 20 years. No, I don't give a fuck if they wake up in the middle of it and decide to continue. I don't even give a fuck if they say they like it. If you touch, penetrate, make whatever sexual advance on a sleeping person, you are raping them. Any unconscious person is unable to give consent.

• If you're in the middle of it, having a good time, and suddenly your partner wants to stop... guess what, it's time to stop. You don't stop? You ask them to hang in there for just a while more until you're done? You power through it? Yeah, no. That's not consent, buddy.

• If you're ABOUT to do it, and the foreplay was great, and they were so into it, but when the time comes to actually go all the way, they change their mind... time to go home. Or put on a movie, or do whatever the fuck you want that is not forcing or trying to persuade your partner to go on.

• Subtle denial is a big-ass NO as well. They have a headache? Leave it. They are tired? Leave it. They have to wake up early the next day? Leave it. They fear a phantom clown is gonna haunt the bed if they indulge in intercourse that night? Leave-it. Don't persuade your partner to have sex if they don't feel like it. You know why? Because they DON'T want to have sex. Persuading or wearing someone down to say yes is not consent. It's pressure. Which takes us to the next bullet...

• If you insist that YES always means YES just like NO always means NO, I will smack you in the head with a frozen lamb leg. YES can be induced. Can be pressured. You can actually intimidate, scare, threaten and bully a person into saying yes. Maybe they are not ready. Maybe they are not sure about the relationship. Maybe they are not feeling well. Maybe they are fucking scared of you. It doesn't matter. If you have to lobby for it, leave it. You're being a creep.

• Drunk people. Good God. I can't believe this has to be an item. Leave drunk people alone! And I don't even mean passed-out drunk, I mean intoxicated but still dancing people, still talking people, I even mean, yes, dizzy or tipsy people. A person under the influence is not able to consent. Why do you think we drink, why do we call it a social lubricant, and other funny jabs? Because alcohol fights the restraint and common sense we'd had otherwise. It's a fun way to loosen up and get relaxed, but if someone has been drinking, don't hunt them for sex. I can't believe the number of movies and series that broadcast dudes trying to hit on drunk women. It still happens today, and not in a Law and Order episode, in your common everyday rom-com. This applies to every person under the influence of whatever substance they took that clouds their judgment.

And no, I won't hear it. They didn't put themselves in a position of danger. You are the danger, a threat that should not exist in the first place.

• So far so good, right? Well, tell me what you think about this. Let's say your partner doesn't want to have kids. And you do want them, for whatever reason. So, what do you do?

You mess with their birth control. Or you lie about you taking birth control. Or you lie about using a condom, or about the physical integrity and expiration date of said condom. Bam, presto manifesto, a bun in the oven.

That is fucking rape. And if you still need to ask why, because for whatever reason that was not creepy enough for you, I'll spell it out. It's rape, because the other person did not consent to that.

And now, if you still don't feel the need to go and take a shower until December, I have yet another list.

Are you in doubt? Are you not sure you are a rapist or not? Worry not! Below you'll find a funny little questionnaire ready for you to clear your mind and heart:

CAN I RAPE SOMEONE IF...

• ...they are dressing provocatively?

Answer: They could be walking down the busiest street of the city during rush hour completely naked and with a big, red silk bow on their ass, and still, nothing in the fucking world gives you the right to touch them. You are not entitled to another person's body because of what they choose to wear.

• ...we are dating?

Answer: Not if you are dating, not if you are married, not if the zombie apocalypse finally wiped out humanity and God himself descends from Heaven to pronounce you Adam & Eve 2.0 and gives you the task to repopulate the world. Dating only means you two are seeing each other on a regular basis for fun or to explore the possibility of a future together. It doesn't mean that your partner's body becomes your property, ergo, you have no rights whatsoever over it.

• ...they are seducing me?

Answer: Half of the time, nobody was seducing you, genius. If I have to hear another anecdote of how a bartender or barista o waitperson were throwing themselves on someone, I will barf in my own mouth. Servers are required to be nice, it's on their job description. But anyway, let's say for the sake of argument that yeah, they are indeed seducing you: no. Showing interest in someone is not an invitation to fuck, nor a provocation to fuck, so let things go their way and don't be a creepy jackass.

• ...I have done nice things for them?

This one I actually heard from a former, and I can't emphasize the former enough, friend. Their case was something along the lines of, I took her to dinner and a movie, later coffee and dessert, and one other lame activity I can't remember (probably drinks), paid for everything, took her home on my car... and then she refused to let me go upstairs!

Dude. Duuuuuude. And dudettes too, of course. No. If you want to get your money's worth, go to a proper sex worker, who will charge you accordingly for their services. Don't expect the other person to feel obligated to pay you with their body just because you fed them and threw a movie ticket in the package!

I had one friend go on a date with a guy. The date didn't work out, so they went their separate ways... until the guy showed up on her doorstep asking her to reimburse him for coffee and a donut. I shit you not. She was so dumbfounded she actually paid him back so he would leave, and I'm glad she did, because that, my friend, is rapist material on the making.

• ...they are a sex worker?

Answer: No, you creepy freak, absolutely not. Every single point I mentioned above applies to every human being on the planet and active or inactive Space stations. You cannot force yourself on anyone, you cannot violate consent ever. It doesn't matter if you're fooling around with the biblical whores of Babylon or the entire cast of Full Monty after a round of the blue pill. Consent protects everyone, no matter what they do for a living.

I'm so happy that all these points are not gonna be news for most of you. Awareness is spreading and the new generations are taught about consent since they are little kids. My generation, and most of all my generation in my country, dominated by a traditional patriarchal society, heard nothing of it. "Rape is bad, avoid rape" was taught mostly as a warning tale for girls. It was the girls' responsibility to prevent rape. Don't walk alone at night. Don't use slutty clothes. Don't be provocative towards men. Don't drink too much. Don't stare too much. Don't go to non-respectable places. Don't put yourself in danger.

I think things would significantly change if the song was played differently. Don't teach girls how to prevent rape. Don't teach boys that rape is bad and that "real men" don't need it.

Teach everyone about consent. Rape is only one of the grim consequences of violating consent. There are thousands of different traumatizing situations that could be avoided if we only respected consent all the time, if we were taught about healthy boundaries and personal integrity since kids.

But hey, we're getting there. I hope. I wish.

• Disclaimer: actually, I think disclaimers like this should not be needed, but still. In case you feel the urge of accusing me of speaking from theory... nope. I speak from experience. Personal experience. Experience I wish I didn't have, and that I had a very hard time harvesting to learn and become stronger. So yeah. Shut the fuck up, go out there and respect the shit out of people.

[munsonsduchess]

So, I re-watched The Old Guard, again. Just like my Mag 7 re-watch I made some notes, six pages of them to be exact which is why I’m gonna drop them under the cut so I don’t clutter up anyone’s dash with my mildest of observations and all my feelings for a sad alcoholic Frenchman. 

I love how we’re introduced to everyone, Andy walking alone through Marrakesh and Booker speeding through the narrow streets on his bike. Are we supposed to think they’re strangers or do they know each other

Bookers little smile when he catches up to Andy like he’s so happy to see her again and Andy’s face lighting up to see him again too

Andy spent a fortune on a book because she knew Booker would like it. “First edition Don Quixote, that wouldn’t come cheap” “it didn’t”

“What brings you to Marrakech?” // “Family'' leave me alone I’m already sobbing

Andy honey they’ll still be able to see that picture in deleted photos but you tried and that’s what matters

Nicky and Joe!

Nicky is so happy to see Andy. That little smile. It’s adorable

“You look good” “you look ok” gentle family teasing is the best ok

“Boss”

It’s been a year since they saw one and other and they just love each other so much. No one touch me.

Nicky and Booker betting on the baklava and Joe just sitting there like “let him lose his money it’s fine, he won’t learn and it’s funny”

Everyone teasing Nicky for loosing and he’s just stood there like “no it’s fine ”

These are the best people for the job and Copley knows it and doesn’t care how much it will cost him. He has faith

Copley knowing Nicky is there and the little wave

Andy taking her axe with her. I love that axe

Just a group of immortals walking through the desert with swords and guns nothing to see here

“Peace be with you” those catholic teachings never quite leave

“It’s a trap!”

That has got to hurt. Those guys emptied full clips into them. Like I get the need to do a job and do it well but come on guys that’s overkill

This is what women want. Andy and her axe

Nicky still having faith there are girls

The picture on Copley’s desk. Like if you knew why did you have to go through this bullshit?

Andy has lived too long and seen too much

Like I know now that Booker knew what was happening or maybe he didn’t know the extent of it but him saying sorry did feel genuine

Andy is just all kinds of done. She didn’t want to do the job in the first place

Nile proving that yes you can be in a strange place and you can serve your country but you don’t have to be a dick about it

“Keep it respectful”

She made an effort to learn the language and learn the customs which goes a long way to establish trust

How traumatic must this have been for Nile? She always knew there was a possibility of being injured in combat or worse never coming home but to be injured so fatally and have your friend hold your life in their hands only to come back and be rejected because you’re an anomaly. A freak

Goes a long way to explain Booker’s feelings too

Nicky and Joe sleeping in the train car is something that is obviously so normal for couples and goes such a long way to show people how ‘normal’ queer people are

“What did you see?” “Part of a name tag” thanks Booker that’s helpful

“I felt her die”

“Everything happens for a reason boss”

Booker didn’t want to go after Nile. He didn’t want her involved

Nicky pushing for them to go after Nile. The emotional centre of the group, appealing to their own experiences and feelings from their first times

Andy is not happy and I can understand how she feels. Given their current situation bringing an unknown element into the mix is only going to complicate everything

“I know I saw her die”

No scarring. Nothing to suggest that anything happened to Nile

The seeds of doubt already growing amongst Nike’s friends and allies

Merrick looks like he should have been a doctor who villain who got his shit kicked in by Donna

Copley you asshole what did you think was gonna happen? They were just gonna get clips emptied into their bodies and let the mercs walk away? Use your big boy brain

Nile trying to come to terms with what happened to her. Everyone around her looking at her with suspicion. Even her Sargent who’s sending her away from more tests

The hostility in the barracks. The fact that her things are already packed.

Everyone knows what happened. Nile has never been more alone just like Nicky said

Trying to drown out the noise of the world and decompress and understand what happened“

But you can call me Andy”

Just casually steals a military transport. Nbd

MA’AM PLEASE I AM ALREADY GAY. Riding around in a tank top and shades like that is not helping

“These damn kids” 

Zero hesitation in shooting Nile. This is a woman who has run out of every kind of fuck

“Why does it always have to be so goddamn slow the first couple of times?”

“You shot me” “yes honey now back in the car

”Andy might think she’s cold and heartless and only here to do a job but you can see how much she already cares about what happens to Nile

Soldiers. Fighters. Family

You know what I’m really glad they didn’t make Andy’s tank top skin tight or moulded to show off her body. That isn’t how she rolls

Andy is so proud that Nile stabbed her. Look at that smile

!Nile already having the makings of a plan within minutes of stepping onto the plane

Andy just like “god isn’t real, I’m real though and people thought I was god”

I wonder how many nights the group sat up until the wee hours discussing things like theology. Andy who was worshiped as a god. Nicky and Joe who fought in a holy war for their beliefs and Booker who probably had his own feelings on the subject 

Andy being so chill about the crash. The best poker face

It was a good try Nile and look Andy is proud of you!

The smile on Andy’s face when she’s fighting with Nile gives me so much serotonin

Soft Andy. Who had to be tough to teach a lesson

Poor Nile. Coming to terms with what she is and the fact that she might never see her family again

Family dinner time!

Awkward family dinner time

Nicky and Joe staring at each each other with their puppy dog eyes “we’re meant to find each other”

Then Booker and Andy like “misery loves company”

Everyone’s just like “awh Nicky and Joe are so cute”

Andy reliving the people she’s fought with and lost

Booker knows just how much ‘help’ talking to ones family about the situation is

Booker do not put your finger on the trigger of your gun when it’s still in your trousers! You might be immortal but that’s gonna hurt a lot more

Oh no. Quynh.

Andy’s face. I can’t

Joe in tears telling the story“

Before me and Nicky it was just the two of them”

Booker knowing exactly how it feels to hang there for hours and not die or dying and coming back time and time again. Knowing how Quynh and Andy must have felt

I cannot imagine what it must have been like for Andy. To be with someone for so long. The only other person who understands you. To be ripped apart like that

“Why do you blame yourself” that’s not a nice question to ask people

The big emotional talk with Andy and Nile in the churchyard being interrupted by the gunfire

Andy being so afraid Booker wouldn’t come back and delegating to Nile who just accepts her orders

“Welcome back asshole” / “it feels like someone was dancing on my chest”

The banter

Nicky being banished to the table in the corner after 2006 is my favourite headcanon

“Wait for my signal” Andy is more pissed than ever at the people coming after her family

“Big wounds take longer to heal” Nile as a millennial presses x to doubt

The sheer emotion in Andy’s eyes as she fights. The tears. She’s doing this for her family.

Will I ever stop harping on about found family in this show? No I will not“

How can you even tell what the signal is?” One explosion later “oh wait nvm”

The wound on Andy’s shoulder probably doesn’t even feel like anything with the amount of adrenaline

The van. These two“

What is he your boyfriend?” Stanzas of Arabic poetry later, “he’s not my boyfriend he’s all and he’s more”

Nicky and Joe Horny on Main all day every day

These cocky little shits “can you remove the chains? no? ok”“

There’s a TV Joe!” “Champagne?” it’s not a field trip boys

“I used to keep my stuff here” in an abandoned mine she found in the 1150s or that’s when she thinks she found it

Nile being amazed by Andy’s ‘stuff’

Booker meanwhile makes a joke at the expense of his sister

Merrick really should have been a doctor who villain honestly. The grand gesturing the weird mood swings. He could have been great in a two part episode and then had to reckon with Donna

Donna Noble is my favourite companion don’t @ me

Copley beginning to have second thoughts on everything

Andy realising only now that she hasn’t healed from the fight in the church“

Just because we keep living doesn’t mean we stop hurting” I have a lot of Booker feelings ok“

I thought you were the brains of this outfit” oh honey no

Bookers family. Oh no.

No but really how hard must it have been for Booker. To know that his son, his baby was suffering from cancer such an awful disease all the whole cursing his father for being selfish, uncaring, cursing Booker and Booker can’t do anything about it. He’s immortal, he heals, disease will never ravage his body, but he can’t share it with his son. He can only sit and watch as death claims everyone he’s ever loved. Living with the fact that his family despised him at the end of their lives because they didn’t understand that his immortality is a curse.

I have a lot of Booker feels don’t @ me

The pharmacy girl though. Helping just because she could

Reaffirming the reason why Andy started to help people in the first place

A selfless act. A purely good deed. Nothing expected in return. An unselfish act

Andy’s wound and Lykon’s death causing Andy to come to terms with her own mortality

Merrick “prosperity data” and Copley “I’m sorry those are people not objects”

Nicky is not here for your bullshit

Malta Sex Vacation ™

HORNY JAIL

Family bonding time with Nile and Andy

Andy “whatever it takes” and Nile “not on my watch”

So what I want to know is obviously Booker was in on it from the beginning but did actively derail Andy looking into Copley after Joe and Nicky were taken or was he just genuinely having a hard time

Nile prioritising her flesh and blood family and Andy totally understanding because she’s doing this for family too“

You and me Book. Now and always” my heart can’t cope

Nile finding the empty clip. Realising what’s about to happen and going back for her new family because as much as she loves her flesh and blood family this one matters to her as well

Meanwhile Copley I guess got a tip off from Booker (?) and knew this was all going down

The conspiracy wall

Booker you bastard why did you shoot her in the back?

I love this man but god damn

Booker wanting to be ‘normal’ because the memory of being rejected is still so raw

Suicidal tendencies in a 200 year old man

They’re both so upset by the whole thing. The betrayal

Book loves this woman with all his heart and soul. This is the woman who saved him and now she isn’t healing. She’s dying

Booker putting up so much of a fight so they wouldn’t take Andy

“I’m sorry Andy I’m sorry”

You might disagree with me but in my mind Booker never meant to hurt anyone. He didn’t want to be a lab rat. Didn’t want anyone else to be a lab rat. He just wanted to be ‘normal’“

All things die”

“Your time is coming” // “As is yours” Nicky is gonna fuck someone up

“I’m new” says Nile after shooting herself in the foot to make a point

Copley’s conspiracy wall or his fanboy wall for all the good Andy, Booker, Joe and Nicky have done

Copley’s grief at losing his wife being the driving factor for handing the group over to Merrick is tragic and heart breaking and just goes to show how much of a human story this really is

Nile said no guns Copley

Nile is here to save her family

“Those three men in there and I we’ll keep you safe” // Nile coming in guns blazing for them instead

Joe is going to kill Booker himself

“You and Nicky always had each other. All we had was our grief”

Everyone being so surprised to see Nile like “what the fuck?”“

Just leave me here” // “No man left behind”

Meanwhile Joe is fine with just leaving Booker right there to be the last lab rat

The groups concern for Andy who’s always been so strong

The concern. The subtle little head nods Andy does to let them know she’s ok

Andy spies an axe

Joe being so concerned for Nicky and making sure he comes back ok

Nicky immediately scrambling to his feet to go and help Andy

“What happened in 1934?” // “1834”

“Wait for the signal” “like the last one?” “Go big or go home!”

Arguing over who goes first and Andy just “if it doesn’t work our next time you can go first”

And there’s your signal

“You shot Nicky” Joe is not messing around when it comes to his other half“

You ok?” // “Everything hurts”

Andy has been immortal for so long she’s lost all sense of feeling human. Then Nile shows up to do just that. Remind her

Merrick calling Nile selfish like I’m sorry you entitled little shit what did you say“

Do you think he speaks Russian?”

YEET!

That one must have hurt

Nicky and Joe just like “wow the new girl is hardcore”

“Faster than the elevator”

Gotta save Andy’s axe

Nicky sits in the middle which is the actual worst place to sit in a car

Do you think they al rocked up to a hotel covered in blood like “don’t ask just give us a room and a shower”

Joe still seething at Booker through the pub window

Nile having to live with the fact that her family will never know what really happened to her. That they’ll all think she was KIA and whatever body they send back won’t be hers

The 100 year naughty step

I love that Nile was gonna let Booker off with an apology like “he didn’t mean it he’s just a sad alcoholic”

Nobody look at me. Ok. Andy and Booker saying goodbye on the shore. I can’t. This is it. This is the scene that breaks me

“I won’t see you again” // “Have a little faith Book”

Joe really wants to hit Booker. Probably did in the interim

The big picture“

Maybe this is the why Andy”

Andy laying down the law and Joe in the background like “yeah this isn’t a request”

Meanwhile in Paris. Booker is tired and just wants a drink

I am a fan of the scruff though

If that’s water Quynh definitely brought it in herself for The Drama ™

QUYNH THOUGH

[demonicintegrity]

oKAY heres the details on that depressing Devildice human highschool au i made with a friend back around 2017/2018. Kinda a mess so bare with me. long post with themes of abuse, depression, and other nasty stuff.

- Lucifer Angelo grew up in a pretty bad place in Texas. The details werent fleshed out other than that it was a pretty ignorant place.

- The important fact of the matter is that his dad (who we never did settle on a name for lol) was a Christian preacher. Charismatic man, but an absolute shithead to Lucifer. Even with his other kids he was strict and pushed his ideals and plans onto them. Also had a temper and a loud voice.

- Preacher Angelo was once a pretty alright man, although very self-centered and was pretty condensing. He had a marriage early on in his life and had a few kids, named after archangels. Marriage fell through, and he starts drinking and moves on the next one a bit after. Have a couple more sons named after archangels. It also falls apart. On number 3? he has the final sons to complete his arch angel themed kids. At first it was just in honor/inspired by the angels and his Christian lifestyle, tho i think around the second marriage is where he just started getting delusional and started thinking himself as godlike and thought his sons will spread his word and whatever. Needlessly to say, his partners once they found this out went :/ and it went downhill from there.

- Man we really just took every flaw and worse thing to have in a parent and shoved it into this bastard lmao

- Lucifer was actually the product of an affair within his final marriage. Ofc cheating was a dealbreaker and they divorced. The girl he was cheating with stuck around a little bit, but died in childbirth due to complications. Thus he was left with this child that wAs BoRn FrOm SiN so he named him Lucifer. He would be his son of sin while his other sons would be Perfect People. (Even though they and their mothers started to want nothing to do with him lmao)

- He got by and took care of Lucifer decently but because this was an AU of Angst(TM) Preacher Dickhead became an alcoholic, had money troubles over time because economy troubles or whatever, and took out his temper on his son more and more. Luci was taken to church every Sunday by his dad.

- Kingsley Dyce was born in Lousiana to his parents Patrick and Fahri. We had a whole separate story for Fahri’s family and how they met, it was cute but that’s completely irrelevant right now. They lived modestly and were technically stable but there wasn’t always extra money for fun stuff and there were times were they were just getting by, but they never let Kingsley onto it.

- Kingsley (nicknamed King or KD by his friends) was a pretty cool kid. Had fun in Louisiana despite being a bit flamboyant and full of himself, made good friends. His relationship with his parents were fairly okay. He was a total mama’s boy, loves his mother to death and would do anything for her. As he became a teen his relationship with his father got a bit more strained because Patrick was a very Traditional person and into his teenage hood Kingsley had a habit of dancing not-so-masculine or modestly. He also was getting into makeup.

- Stepping back tho, as a kid he was in the church choir. His family is Catholic and his parents took him to church every Sunday. His favorite activity was to rollerskate. He and his friends were always skating to each other’s houses or skating at the rink. Skating, video games, and singing was his life.

- During his 6/7th grade his family moved to Maryland because of a job opportunity. King was suuuupper bummed. Maryland isn’t like Louisiana at all so there was an adjustment curve. Despite that, he didn’t have a hard time make friends. (insert humanized casino crew here)

- Side note: KD had a tooth gap as a kid and got braces during middle school to correct it. It gave him a lisp. He also had glasses and a questionable sense of fashion throughout middle school. This isn’t super relevant but its important to me that you can imagine this kid as the doofus he was. He also was roughly at an average height.

- In 8th grade there was a new kid that came into his class; Lucifer. Luci’s dad had also moved to Maryland for a job. Despite his entire class wondering what the hell was this southern emo kid’s problem, he wasn’t overtly bullied, just ignored. KD however, was intrigued by this asshole and made it his goal to figure out his issue and be all up in his business.

- Luci is currently dealing with some of his hardest years here. In Texas he had a hard time making friends, was bullied, and wasnt surrounded by the best sort of people. His abuse was getting worse as his father struggled more and more, and the move wasn’t the greatest fix considering he was still drinking and getting himself into debt. Luci didn’t care about school nor about life in general.  But then this asshole waltz into his life and boy golly was he feeling things about it.

- The relationship at first just KD latching onto Luci and talking to him about any and everything and trying to drag him around town. Slowly, Lucifer began to be amused by this jerk and his friends. He also didn’t live too far away so KD was able to easily bike to his place even though he never wanted KD over.

- KD picked up on the abuse Luci was going through, and honestly didn’t know to confront it. At first it was just sharing food cuz Luci wouldn’t eat and chatting to him because he got uncomfortable seeing Luci alone with head down all the time. Eventually he talked to his mom about it and the two of them kept inviting Luci over. Fahri became the mom Luci never had and Patrick despite working long hours and extra shifts, would take time to give Luci practical lessons and be a better masculine figure in his life. Luci was slowly being given a family but he also was pulling away from it. He was in the midst of a depression and he was pretty mean to everyone to deal with it, and pulled to himself more as he began to love KD and his family. The new friendships doesn’t cure depression, nor was it helpful against abuse.

- TW under break for more details of abuse, neglect, depression, and suicide

- His abuse was verbal and physical. He got yelled at for being a failure, yelled at because he didnt care about school, drunk his fathers booze, got into trouble and lashed out. He got beat for back talking and whenever the drunk asshole wanted to fight with him. It had been going on for years. He was also neglected pretty bad. Food wasn’t super plentiful in the house, he lived on fast food and luci didnt know how to cook. There was more booze in fridge than food. Power/water would sometimes not be on if his father forgot about certain bills. It was bad.

- Some time during this 8th grade year he also developed a crush on KD, he didnt voice it because his dad was homophobic as shit but also because he certainly didnt know how to navigate love and didnt want to ruin his relationship with KD. So he repressed it.

- Also during this 8th grade year Luci tried to commit suicide. He had texted KD before hand too, with some note that boiled down to he cared a lot about KD but couldnt stand anything in the world/his dad/bringing KD down/whatever and it was obviously a suicide note. KD freaked out and immediately got his ass over there, kicked down the door, and found Luci in his dad’s room with his dad’s gun to his head. I don’t think we ever settled on the details of the situation but it was traumatizing for both individuals to say the least.  KD was able to talk him out of it.

- That incident made them inseparable. Luci never had someone care for him like that, cry for him like that. KD had grown attached and close enough to consider him his best friends, the incident only solidify his want to make his best friend’s life better. It was a rough few months after that and KD was sworn to never tell his parents what happened.

- TBH that was about the worse of it, this was an high school AU and high school became a bit better for them in certain regards. KD got his braces off, got contacts, and had one helluva growth spurt going into HS. Luci went deep into a punk-emo phase his freshman year which killed his fashion, but was slowly becoming a bit more confident in himself. KD and his parents were able to help him a lot. Emotional support, practical life lessons, and food was always a given.

- Its a bit of an up and down throughout high school. KD gets into makeup, heels, dancing, and bisexuality and it causes a major strife with him and his dad who wanted a “real” son. The relationship went through major struggles and would take a couple years to really heal.

- Luci struggles a bit with drinking and deals drugs and booze to get his own spending money. He starts somewhat taking his school seriously, but even though he does work in class he doesnt always do homework or projects and whatnot. He has a habit of physically intimidating other students and occasionally tries to pick fights.

- The “casino gang” also have their own things going on. If a recall correctly, Wheezy was also in a neglectful house, Pip and Dot ( ??? and Dorothy) were twins from a wealthy well off family but were ignored and were terribly bratty, Piroeutta was just an quiet Russian outcast, Mango had 7 siblings and no space to himself and who was bullied for his large off-putting appearance, Chips was just loud, and i completely forgot what everyone else’s deal was. KD and Luci mainly hung out with Chips, Piro, Pip, and Dot. They were still pretty close to the others but those four were the only ones they regularly hung out with at lunch and outside of school.

- There are a couple things that could happen throughout high school. My personal fav i can remember is a particular angst with KD trying to get with another dude and Luci being Upset and lashing out at him at a party result and ugh that scenario was angsty but also turned very cute???

- Regardless, when they do get together they’re unstoppable tbh.

- and yes, the gang would readily throw hands with anyone who said shit. Barely any of them care about suspensions.

- I kinda forget a bit of stuff. I know misc. scenarios here and there both fluffy and angsty, but this post is already long enough lmao so feel free to hit up my ask box with any questions/comments. I dont really think Ill come back to this au?? If i do Im gonna edit a ton of stuff because looking back certain themes and scenarios seem borderline insensitive and/or poorly thought out. I did found a fic of this au on my phone with KD and Luci as adults tho and Im v tempted to rewrite some of it and finish it because it was good.

[jacetorress]

JACE ISAIAH TORRES  ⁏  thirty-four  ○  security for lux & elias morgan’s right hand man  ○  downtown.

❝ APOCALYPSE BOY, YOU WON’T DESTROY ALL YOU TOUCH. YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR DARKNESS AND MORE THAN THE DEATH YOU CARRY IN YOUR HANDS. ❞

⇨  aesthetics ⍮ the scent of fire and gasoline, a tall stature adorned in all-black attire, ghosts of bruises staining calloused skin green, an old punching bag in the corner of an old office, a towering figure shrouded in darkness as they linger in an empty church, bloodied noses and busted knuckles, a scuffed zippo lighter in a pack of marlboros containing only one cigarette, black shirts with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, a sly smirk under stormy dark eyes, a sniper on the roof of a deserted building, the roar of a 1967 chevy impala engine, & a crumpled, worn family photo stuffed inside a wallet.

ALOHA !!! waddup, angels ?? it’s me, back at it again with another character bcos i have zero self control so here i am !! i’ll save you all from having to put up with my pointless babbles and get straight into it. as always, pls feel free to hmu on ims or discord ( chrissie.#9606 ) for plots and connections !!

FUNDAMENTALS.

full name. jace isaiah torres.

current age. thirty-four.

birthday. january 2, 1986.

gender. cisgender male.

pronouns. he / him.

nationality. british.

religion. raised roman catholic but no longer practices.

hometown. knightsbridge, london, england.

past residence. oxford, oxfordshire, england.

current residence. downtown, crystal city, united states.

sexual orientation. heterosexual.

romantic orientation. heteroromantic.

education. attended oxford university for a year before dropping out due to his mother’s passing.

occupation. security at violet, & elias morgan’s right hand man.

CONNECTIONS.

birth mother. katherine torres. †

birth father. alexander torres. †

step-father. nicholas carmichael. †

full blood siblings. none.

step-siblings. none.

maternal grandmother. julia monroe. †

maternal grandfather. andrew monroe. †

paternal grandmother. elizabeth torres. †

paternal grandfather. michael torres. †

maternal aunts. none.

maternal uncles. peter monroe.

paternal aunts. lucilee monroe, & miranda monroe.

paternal uncles. benjamin torres.

PROFICIENCIES.

spoken languages. english, & spanish.

negative traits. cunning, unfeeling, arrogant, cynical, & temperamental.

positive traits. astute, debonair, adroit, resolute, & adept.

strengths. sophistication, etiquette, professionalism, resourcefulness, integrity, delegation, honest, strong-willed, responsible, calm, practical, & a jack-of-all-trades.

weaknesses. impulsive, hot-tempered, stubborn, insensitive, judgmental, & by the book.

skills. skilled with firearms and other weaponry, hand-to-hand combat, lock-picking, carjacking, knowledge of automobiles, knowledge of the law, tracking people down, & excellent critical thinking and problem-solving abilities.

talents. piano, retaining information, memory recall, & marksmanship.

APPEARANCE.

eye colour. dark brown.

hair colour. dark brown.

height. six foot.

weight. 70 kg.

build. both tall and considerably broad, he is toned with an evident definition in his muscles.

scars. too many to count at this point.

tattoos. tba.

piercings. none.

glasses. n/a.

prominent feature. sharp, angular jawline.

MISCELLANEOUS.

zodiac. capricorn.

element. earth.

house. gryffindor.

myers briggs type. istj-a.

alignment. true neutral.

enneagram. type five.

temperament. choleric.

intelligence type. linguistic.

character label. the opaque.

past mental disorders. post-traumatic stress disorder, insomnia, & alcohol abuse.

current mental disorders. mild post-traumatic stress disorder, & insomnia.

addictions. alcohol, & tobacco.

vices. lust, wrath, & pride.

virtues. temperance, charity, & diligence.

allergies. n/a.

diet. carnivore.

accent. british.

dominant hand. right.

blood type. ab positive.

felonies. none.

vehicle. black 1967 chevy impala.

BACKGROUND.

TRIGGERS. car accident, death, domestic violence, drugs, violence, blades, stabbing, blood, & murder.

Born into a world of tenderness and light, Jace's arrival into this universe was a moderately placid one. The instant he opened his eyes to the world, he was a cherished and adored baby boy. This was how the young boy assumed his life would continue to play out: showered with affection and admiration, given endless love and support by both of his parents. With his father, Alexander, a renowned criminal lawyer and his mother, Katherine, an equally as esteemed neurosurgeon, the Torres family were respected, affluent and forefront in their community. Always hosting charity events, attending fancy galas, prominent figures at every fundraiser, the Torres' seemed as normal as just about any aristocratic London-based family. One might just say that Jace was destined for greatness — primed for success. Of course, all eyes of the extended Torres family were on the boy, watching and waiting to see how his story would unfold. Would he follow his father’s footsteps? Or his mother’s? The idea of him paving his own path had failed to cross the minds of them all.

     From a young age, Jace had been incredibly intelligent and adept, his keen perception proving to extremely surpass that of his age. He was able to captivate others with both his appearance and his capabilities. Those in his company hung off his every word, often discovering themselves enthralled by a charming and sincere young boy. Regardless of his family’s secured position in society and their abundance of riches, Jace never looked for much more than their approval and their devotion. It is perhaps this fact alone that makes the next chapter in his life one of those unbearable moments that seem to live on for the rest of eternity, an emotion so overwhelming that it lingers in your bones until the end of time — rattling them every so often to remind you of the pain. The tenth instalment in the story of Jace’s life is what he would nowadays refer to as the beginning of the end. All of the light and love that he had encountered throughout his life up until that point had only been leading him to the tragedy and devastation that would prevail from that day henceforth. The night that Jace had been sat down by his mother and told that his father had met his fatal end in a horrific car accident was the same night that Jace lost a piece of himself. A ten-year-old boy endured his first heartbreak then. And, unfortunately, the torment refused to cease. Jace’s existence prior to the horrendous atrocity that altered the very fabric of his nature endured for what would now seem to him a fleeting period in time. Yet, throughout those ten years of normalcy, every transient second aided in concocting the basis for all that was to come.

     Within the span of a single year, Katherine had found herself in the clutches of what Jace would grow to describe as a vulture; a man of a lower class who latched onto his mother — leeching off her riches while abusing her in the process. Soon, this man, Nicholas Carmichael, became Jace’s stepfather and things only dipped further south afterwards. Nicholas drank copious amounts of liquor, ran around behind Katherine’s back, smacked at Jace for defending his mother and the list went on. He manipulated Katherine, made her pick a side, tore her relationship with Jace asunder. Nicholas was indeed an angry, offhand man who often resorted to acts of violence toward both Katherine and Jace. During this time, and within the blink of an eye, Jace turned hostile and indifferent. It was as if he had transformed into a polar opposite version of what he’d always been — metamorphosing into an alternate version of his old self. Once a sheltered child who knew nothing but warmth and consideration, Jace was soon neglected, discarded and left to fend for himself. It was enough to turn him into a colder, less vibrant boy who soon became void of emotion and attachment. He picked fights with his stepfather for the sheer kick he got out of it, rebelled against his mother and found his once soft heart hardening as a result of years of enduring torment at the hands of Nicholas.

     Unfortunately for Jace, he’d stepped out of line one too many times and aged eleven, he found himself sent off to an all-boys boarding school. In one way, he was thankful to be shot of the horrid creature who claimed to be his stepfather. Yet, on the other hand, he spent sleepless nights worried about the mortality of his mother. All in all, though, his time spent in the educational facility was a positive one. He made friends, excelled in all of his classes and extracurriculars. For the years that Jace boarded at the school, his life seemed to be steering him down the right path. Once he graduated, he’d decided to follow the same path as his father: criminal law. He felt it was the right thing to do in order to honour his father. Jace wound up attending Oxford University where he resided in a dorm, visiting his mother on the weekends. However, as all good things do, they come to an end. In Jace’s case, his few years of bliss and contentedness arrived at a rather abrupt halt, taking a severe nosedive. He was nineteen when he learned of his mother’s passing and, ultimately, lost control of himself and of his path in life. He dropped out of university, moved back home and spent many months alone and aimless; desperate to find answers behind his mother’s suspicious death. Of course, Nicholas was nowhere to be seen. He hadn’t even had the decency to show his face at Katherine’s funeral. One thing was for sure, though: he’d walked off into the sunset with the Torres fortune, presumably never to be seen again. The details outlined in Katherine’s autopsy report had been vague and nobody seemed willing to help Jace in his search for answers. Though that did little to deter him from continuing to hunt for the truth behind his mother’s death. Without a shadow of doubt in his mind, Jace knew deep down that Nicholas had been responsible but with no evidence, the idea of justice being served seemed to drift further and further out of reach.

     Eventually, after years of fighting and persisting with his mission, Jace was able to uncover concealed elements of Nicholas’ background. As it turned out, the man was involved in gang activity and played a prime roll in drug trafficking throughout the streets of London. Though, still failing to get his hands on any kind of proof of Nicholas’ involvement in Katherine’s murder, a twenty-three-year-old Jace began to ponder if he should continue down this road. Tracking down his stepfather had consumed Jace whole, rotting him from the insides out. For so long he’d been holding onto an immense amount of resentment and wrath that he’d become bitter, hostile and obsessed. He knew it would only end in disaster if he continued to cling onto his vendetta and so for the following year, Jace pressed pause on seeking the truth. At least, until he’d happened upon a new lead that indeed confirmed his assumptions about Nicholas’ role in Katherine’s death. This was the break that Jace had been desperate for — the fuel that added flames to the fire within his belly. With new information and a penchant for revenge, he set off on his previously abandoned purpose.

     Admittedly, it had taken Jace months to successfully unearth the exact location of Nicholas and when he did, he wasn’t entirely sure what to do with the information. Still, he set off for New York City with plans of confronting the man. Part of Jace wanted nothing more than to make his stepfather suffer, to subject Nicholas to torture as appalling as what Katherine had undoubtedly endured. Another part of him wanted to reveal all the little details that he’d uncovered, to tell him he knew what he’d done and watch his stepfather wince in objection and pathetically string one faux apology after another. Neither of these scenarios played out in the end. Instead, Jace’s first encounter with Nicholas after all this time had an entirely different outcome than he’d anticipated. Managing to tail the older man to Lux, Jace decided to linger around outside in the hopes that Nicholas would make an appearance. As fate would have it, only a mere hour had passed and there he was, leaving the building alone; having been removed from the vicinity for hassling one of the dancers. As Nicholas made his way to the back of the club, Jace followed in the shadows. Stood at the edge of the establishment to watch his stepfather from afar, Jace considered the endless possibilities that had entered his mind the second he set eyes on the man who’d destroyed his life.

     When Jace eventually approached his stepfather, the look that claimed Nicholas’ face was one of incalculable shock and Jace couldn’t help but feel a twisted sense of pride in how his sheer presence brought about such dismay in the other man. He had to admit though, that it sent a strange twinge of nostalgia mixed together with dejection down the length of his spine. Jace had a collection of cruel words and obscenities he so desperately wanted to hurl the older man’s way. Alternatively, he opted for asking a question that had been haunting his warped mind for almost a decade. “Tell me, Nicholas. Why did you do it? Why did you murder my mother?” The inquiry almost made the other male tumble out of his shell even after he admitted that yes, he had been the one to end Katherine’s life and lacked even a shred of remorse. There was something in Nicholas’ blasé tone of voice that triggered an immediate rage deep within the pit of Jace’s stomach, bubbling and bubbling away, rising up and up until the only colour he could see was red and unfortunately for Nicholas, he was on the receiving end of Ross’ explosion. Moving in a flash, before he knew it, Jace was invading Nicholas’ personal space and the small blade he had been carrying was sunk into Nicholas’ abdomen.

     Finally, once Jace had recoiled and his fists that had been balled into the fabric of Nicholas’ jacket eventually unfurled, his dark eyes took in the sight of the elder man’s towering figure collapse to the ground beneath him. Dropping his gaze to his hands, Jace noticed the way that the colour slowly began flowing back into his knuckles that had been white from the thin skin stretching tightly over the protruding bones. Flipping over his uncurled palms, Jace noted the way his hands trembled only marginally less than he expected they would be. It was the shrieking resonating in his ears that brought him to divert his attention toward Nicholas who was writhing around on the ground as a result of his suffering and loss of blood. Jace knew he had to get out of there — that he had to leave before he’d give anyone the chance to flock toward the screams and clap their eyes on his guilty face. As he backed away, watching the actions of his decision unfold, the feeling inside his gut was different than he imagined it would be. He had made the decision to kill Nicholas, there and then in the heat of the moment and it was a gradual and torturous death. A death inflicted by him deliberately, no matter the fact that it wasn’t premeditated. Lacking the desire to stick around and witness Nicholas’ final screech, Jace ran and before he even had the chance to allow any sort of repentance to seep into his body for what he’d just done, a gathering of men stepped out of a dark alleyway in front of him just footsteps away from the scene of the crime. There was something about the way in which they emerged from the darkness that caused Jace to immediately cease in his footfalls and as he briefly surveyed the area he realised there was nowhere left for him to run — there were too many of them and although he tried to fight them off, he was vastly outnumbered.

     How Jace had managed to defend himself against the others, able to hold his own and give as good as he got, was beyond him. In the end, he pegged it down to sheer luck. Despite such a fluke, he was far from being out of the woods. Having witnessed the murder of Nicholas and how Jace had been able to stand his ground against the group, the eldest of the group of men had stepped forward to explain that he could use a young man of Jace’s stature and expertise. This was precisely how a then twenty-five-year-old Jace wound up entangled with the Berk-Morgan family. Initially, he was hired as a security for the same club that he’d slaughtered Nicholas outside of. After quite some time as an associate, he befriended Elias Morgan; soon becoming a confidant and someone the other trusted. Of course, the trust was mutual. And this has brought him into the position of becoming Elias’ right hand man. Now thirty-four, with nine years of experience under his belt, Jace is worlds away from the man he used to be. A shell of the man he used to be. Simply put, Jace has resigned himself to the reality that happiness is never going to be an emotion he will feel in his heart. He is closed off and secluded. He is mysterious and holds everyone in his life at arm’s length, afraid to let them in; only permitting people to see what he wants them to see and know what he wants them to know. His life is full of a myriad of memories soaked in blood and torment. A plethora of crooked dealings and immoral acts. But this is his life now and he isn’t prepared to give up the good fight – not after everything he has gone through just to be exactly where he is right now. A fighter has always lived inside of Jace Torres.

WANTED PLOTS.

give me all of the connections from friends, frenemies, enemies, hookups, exes, rivals and everything else in between. added bonus if there’s angst or drama. if you have anything in mind feel free to throw it at me, i’m open to the majority of things and have zero triggers so come at me bro !!

[things2mustdo]

I went to visit my family for Thanksgiving, and as usual, I was confronted with numerous blue pill beliefs. While I’m no longer annoyed by these things, because I’ve gone through the “Return Journey” phase of swallowing the red pill, I did notice something that was extremely disturbing.

As I grew tired of arguing over basic political, economic, and gender points, I meandered downstairs to my family’s recreation room. There was a group of my younger relatives, aged 16-20, watching some show on Netflix about trans-gendered individuals.

I don’t know what the show was called, but one thing that really struck me was the show’s uncanny ability to use emotionally charged scenes and drama to elicit a feeling of compassion for the characters. In other words, numerous TV shows are now starting to take advantage of our natural empathy, and using it to sway our political and social opinions.

Emotionally Gripping

As I stood behind the couch watching a few minutes of this transgender show, I saw a very heart wrenching scene take place. Although the nuances of the story line were lost to me, I gathered enough information to see what was going on.

Basically, some guy was getting surgery to turn into a woman. As he was in the operating room, something went terribly wrong, and despite the surgeons’ desperate attempts to save him, he ended up perishing.

The following scene was comprised of extremely grief-inducing piano music played to various clips of the man’s children all mourning their loss. While this may seem innocuous, or like it’s just “creative, dramatic television,” I believe that it’s actually something far more sinister.

What’s going on here, is that the elites (because remember, this is a top down operation) are trying to traumatize the average American youth with images of the “horrors that transgender people go through!” They’re using television to create these emotional “triggers,” if you will, that will be ignited anytime someone says something against transgenders.

In other words, the trauma that occurs from becoming engrossed in this TV show (in our example) leaves an emotional residue of sorts, so that whenever the topic of transgenderism is brought up in conversation, the viewer subconsciously remembers the emotions associated with the topic which the TV show implanted into his mind.

Emotional Triggers

This became abundantly clear to me as I was arguing with a friend from the West Coast over transgenderism. I very calmly said that I believe it’s a mental illness, and should be treated as such. I said that these people need help, and we shouldn’t encourage them. I backed my assertion by referencing how the chief psychologist at Johns Hopkins Hospital has vehemently called out doctors who perform transgender surgeries as “collaborating with a mental illness for profit.”

Despite my calm and collected assertions, she grew EXTREMELY emotional and automatically assumed a whole host of things about me:

I’m a disgusting, careless sociopath

I have no sympathy for others’ suffering and I’m a cold-hearted bastard

I vehemently hate anyone who’s different than me

Despite the fact that none of these things are true, it became clear to me why she automatically believed this about me: the TV shows that she watches had been subtly implanting little emotional biases into her brain. This is how manipulative our “real” media is.

What happened, in psychological terms, was that as I was calmly explaining my perspective on transgenderism, her subconscious was flooded with all of the EMOTIONS that she associates with the topic:

All of the pain and grief she experienced from TV shows depicting transgender “issues”

How Bruce Jenner is a “hero,” and how much mainstream “opposition” he encountered when coming out

All of the anger she experienced when the token “anti-transgender person” in each show was a huge dick to the main character (more on this in the next section)

All rational thought was completely stopped, as she had literally been trained to elicit a certain response whenever the topic of transgenderism is brought up. Do you see my point? By repeatedly exposing people to scenes that elicit sympathy for transgenders, the media is engineering a widespread social response in favor of it.

Token Characters

As I alluded to before, another underhanded tactic that mainstream TV shows use is that they never have a rational, level-headed man who supports traditional marriage and normal heterosexuality. Any time someone in mainstream media doesn’t support the main character’s disorder, he’s always portrayed as a complete asshole.

This can take the form of him beating up the main character, bullying the main character, or what have you. I recall several years ago there was ample talk at the work place over some “anti-homosexual” character in glee that smothered a smoothie onto a guy just because he was homosexual, or something ridiculous like that.

Despite the fact that NOBODY I know would do something like this, the elite-sponsored TV utilizes token characters in order to implant a certain idea into our heads—the idea that everyone who opposes deviant sexual orientations is a cold-hearted bully. I recall that this was pointed out to me by a Catholic high school teacher, and it didn’t make any sense to me back then (before homosexuality was normal).

Now, in retrospect, I’m extremely thankful that he planted that seed in my class’s mind. The more that I look at television through this lens, the more I see what he was talking about. There’s never a level-headed, confident, genuine man that has game, either. It’s always either a completely meek beta male, or a chauvinistic “bad boy” Hank-Moody type character (although I do love me some Hank Moody).

This phenomena is taken even further as the transgender or homosexual person in mainstream TV is almost always portrayed as some brave, sweet, sensitive soul, with a hard life. In other words, the elites are engineering a dichotomy as Roosh has referenced before.

The dichotomy is that you’re either a sweet, empathetic, gentle-hearted person who supports transgenderism and deviant sexual preferences, or you’re a complete asshole who bullies and berates people just because “you’re mean.” This use of labeling brainwashes others into IMMEDIATELY putting you into the “sociopathic jerk” category if you don’t support transgenderism, making any and all rational discourse folly.

Subtle Desensitization

Another terrifying event that comes to mind of the media’s disgusting methods was when I was watching a popular kid’s TV show known as “Adventure Time,” a year or two ago. Again, I was with my family for some holiday event (I can’t remember which), and recall some of the kids watching this show.

Despite the fact that it’s labeled as a kid’s show, I saw an insidious little dialogue take place that was meant to desensitize children to pedophilia. In the show, there was some ball going on (I assume it was like a “prom” type deal), and the old wizard was looking for a partner.

He ended up going with some underage girl, who was probably 60 years his prior, and when the main character pointed this out, the old wizard simply stated: “Age…is nothing but a number!” Upon which the characters started dancing and doing comical things to prevent any sort of rational thought occurring after this was said.

After seeing this I became extremely disgusted and turned off the television, but that’s beyond the point. Why is this type of dribble being used to brainwash our youth? Anyone with half a brain can see that the point behind this scene was to start subtly implanting the seeds of pedophilia into a child’s mind.

Again, the words of my wise old Catholic high school teacher come to mind. I’ll never forget when he told me that “in 15 years, pedophilia will become normal.” My entire class was shocked, and couldn’t comprehend such a thing happening. He said this in 2009, and it seems that his prediction is coming true.

“First it will start with the media,” he said. “They’ll have some show where they make jokes about it and they’ll keep the humor very lighthearted, never showing the actual act. They’ll begin the process of desensitizing you, then eventually some politician will bring it up, and it will be an official stance that other politicians will be forced to take. This will begin the process of slowly normalizing it.”

My God was this man spot on, because this is EXACTLY how the media sways our opinions.

Keep in mind that their methods are SUBTLE, and that’s the point—they want to keep it below the level of thought so that you never question what they’re teaching you. Any time a strange or ridiculous belief is asserted, they very quickly move into a joyful scene or celebration to not only prevent you from thinking too much about the ridiculous belief, but to have you associate happiness with it, as well, which brings me to my next point.

Association And Correlation Bias

There’s a very powerful phenomena in psychology known as association; this is sometimes also called the correlation bias, or “Illusory Correlation.” This is basically your mind’s tendency to look for relationships where there aren’t any.

For example, why do you think most modern girls aren’t girlfriend material? Why do you think that the average man is weak, pathetic, and emasculated? It’s because of the media’s tendency to slowly create illusory associations within your mind.

The media causes women to associate happiness and a successful life with the following:

Being a man-hating feminist, who can’t submit to a strong, confident man

Not cooking or cleaning, because that’s “sexist”

Riding the alpha male cock carousel, and not getting married, because marriage is “oppressive”

The media creates a false correlation in women’s minds by constantly portraying bitchy, overly-masculine, slutty women as being empowered, sought-after, and happy. As any man who’s been learning game knows, this is absolute nonsense.

It doesn’t matter, though—once your brain has an association, it’s extremely difficult to get rid of it. This is why so many men are emasculated nowadays. It teaches us to associate:

Being a weak bitch with getting a hot girlfriend

Being a feminist and leftist with having girls think you’re noble and heroic

Courting a slut with being a gentleman

As any modern man who reads the manosphere knows, these are completely fallacious beliefs. Being a weak, low-testosterone man will not in fact land you the girls. Being a screaming leftist who holds those “I’m a feminist because,” signs will not get you the approval of women, and courting a washed up slut does not make you a gentleman (it makes you stupid).

Despite the obvious illogical nature of these beliefs, because the mainstream media has 8 hours a day to indoctrinate us, most men end up buying into them wholeheartedly, and will even berate you for having game when you CLEARLY get more women than them.

“So What Can I Do?”

First things first, stop watching mainstream media. In case you haven’t noticed, the MSM is starting to feel the effects of men waking up; in fact, they’ve recently gone on a long, drawn-out tirade about “fake news,” or in other words, news that is red-pilled.

I haven’t watched mainstream media EVER—the only time that I ever watch MSM is if they’re interviewing a pickup artist, a manosphere blogger, or if I’m trying to debunk their ludicrous reporting. I get almost all of my news from sites like ROK, Danger And Play, Info Wars, Natural News, and the people that I follow on Twitter.

In addition to only consuming a red-pilled information diet, ensure that your children don’t watch TV unarmed. I saw a phenomenal post recently on “How to Raise Red-Pilled Daughters,” and the ROK author talks about how he doesn’t flat out ban TV, but rather teaches his daughters to think rationally and learn to see the foolishness of MSM.

Aside from not watching MSM and raising your family to be skeptical of it, you can also support alternative media sites by simply tuning in. You don’t have to buy any of their products (although it helps); simply giving them your attention and leaving a thoughtful comment or two is enough to generate interest.

All in all, we’re facing extremely tumultuous times. More and more people are starting to break free of the MSM’s grip on their mind, but the men who get left behind end up more brainwashed than ever. Eventually, once the MSM dies, we can begin the long and arduous process of reclaiming our country—and this, my friends, is something I believe is worth fighting for.

Read More: Fact Checking Emotional Propaganda

When I was making a purchase at my local bookstore last week, the cashier solicited me for a donation. This donation was for a charity dealing with sick children or something. I told cashier I came here to buy a book not make donations. I guess she realized I am not one to be guilt tripped into doing things and told me that many people do not have the courage to say no. This pressure to comply due to emotional appeal has run rampant in America. When people make decisions on how they feel or manipulated by their feelings, not many good things can come of it.

Usually I do not delve into the details of the various schemes and manipulations that powerful people do in order to influence people’s behaviors. Someone actually fact checked one sales pitch for the limitation of guns. This exercise in breaking down an argument outside of the emotional shows that emotion is all it has. While the premise is guns, the method is pure emotional appeal.

The Mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg has decided to throw his hat in, as well as his capital, in a political fight against the NRA by spending an estimated fifty million dollars to start up Everytown for Gun Safety @ Everytown.org. If you go to his website, one of the articles pops out on the front page is an “analysis” of the over sixty “school shootings” that have taken place since the Newtown massacre on December 12th, 2012.

In this era of political rhetoric and ideological echo-chambers, there is little in the way of fact-checking and realism with statistical data. The media is off  panicking the masses of soccer moms and metrosexual dads that mass shootings are a growing epidemic, apparently none of whom look at the FBI’s Uniform Crime Reports of homicides every year. Of the sixty-two incidents on Everytown’s “analysis”, only one can be classified as a mass murder. The FBI is quite clear that a “mass murder” involves the homicide of four or more individuals with no cooling off period between the murders. The article would lead readers to believe that there have been sixty-two incidents of similar scope as the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. But this is simply not the case.

With a total combined death toll between the sixty-two “school shootings” of 39, it’s hard to match them up to Newtown, which in one incident saw 28 deaths, including the perpetrator, Adam Lanza. Despite what the media might portray for politics, ratings, or profit, such shootings are exceptionally rare. Of course, a large amount of the focus is on the AR-15 reportedly used,the  gun control advocates would like gullible Americans to think without which Adam Lanza would not have been capable of such carnage. But if you remember the Virginia Tech shooting on April 16th, 2007. Seung-Hui Cho managed to kill 32 people, then himself, with nothing more than a .22LR caliber Walther P22 and 9mm Glock 19; the Walther with a magazine capacity of ten rounds and the Glock a bit more at fifteen. There is little discussion of firearms in the Everytown analysis, probably because they are virtually all handguns or the suggested firearm for home defense of Vice President Joe Biden, a shotgun.

Let’s look at that the lack of analysis this “analysis” gives us, as it’s little more than a picture of a crying woman and a list of schools at which a firearm was discharged on or nearby campus grounds since December 2012. Thirty-nine people dead, because of school shootings, between December 13th, 2012 and mid-April 2014. It’s hard to find statistics for causes of death even near that number. The United States averages roughly 51 deaths due to lightning strikes per year, over the last 20 years; according to NOAA. According to the CDC, there was an average of 3,533 unintentional drownings per year for the years of 2005-2009. Yet where is a politically motivated and affluent billionaire to launch a safety campaign outlining the dangers of pools or thunderstorms?

The fact that Mayor Bloomberg has taken Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s now infamous quote “never let a good crisis go to waste” to heart, is no surprise. But who thinks about the political realities of why someone is making moves against one of the GOP’s biggest political lobbies, using a tragedy like Newtown as the crest on their flag; when they are busy being emotionally compromised by the idea of children being gunned down in their school classrooms?

Among the 39 deaths, there is a justified case of self-defense, a possible case of self-defense, and seven cases of nothing more then suicides by firearm. The biggest trend among these “school shootings” is the shooters and victims are young black men. This reality is in stark contrast to the media image of upper-class white elementary school kids gunned down by socially awkward psychopaths with AR-15’s or other “assault weapons”. Few if any of the mainstream gun safety campaigns reflect the reality of gun violence. Remember, you are more likely to be killed by bee stings than you are to be shot on or around a school campus.

In conclusion, this emotional appeal by Mr. Bloomberg seems to be all about coercing a population into following his politics through emotional appeal. His advocacy gives them an audience of motivated people controlled by their emotions. What could a powerful person do with this audience aside from campaign against guns. I signed up at this website to get the newsletter. This newsletter only talks about political activism for those that seem to not be able to make up their own mind. Be aware of those that appeal to your emotion, because they may not appeal to your interests.

Note: The author received help from “Glocktopus”, a member of the notorious “Donk Chat” in writing this article.

[thebluelemontree]

Do you think Sandor really laughed when he killed Micah? Personally, I find it hard to believe. That sounds much more like Gregor-type behavior than Sandor. Not that I think Sandor lost sleep over it. But it’s hard to imagine him laughing. To me, it sounds like he is just trying to goad Arya, by saying the worst things he can think of.

I second guessed that too at one point, but yes, he is telling the truth.  This isn’t just goading Arya when she hesitates to give him the gift of mercy.  It’s a confession of raw, naked honesty and taking full responsibility for his ill-lived life.  He’s not shifting the blame on the system or anyone else, which he did before.  The only way to truly come clean is to own every detail of wrongdoing.  

“Don’t lie,” he growled. “I hate liars. I hate gutless frauds even worse. Go on, do it.” When Arya did not move, he said, “I killed your butcher’s boy. I cut him near in half, and laughed about it after.” He made a queer sound, and it took her a moment to realize he was sobbing.

He would not make this detail up after he just stated he hates liars and gutless frauds.  And he is finally allowing himself to feel the full weight of remorse and empathy for his victim.  This is the Hound’s death knell.  On the other side of that is the “Amazing Grace” part.  This is George’s Catholic upbringing shining through.  It’s no coincidence that Sandor is found by a man of faith and reborn into a new life while the Hound was buried in a grave.            

It is Gregor-like behavior to laugh about running down a child and then delivering the horrifying remains to the father.  That’s the point. This is not saying that what’s wrong with Sandor is the same as what’s wrong with Gregor.  Gregor doesn’t have a conscience.  He goes way beyond that.  Gregor takes pleasure in the suffering of others.  One of the big themes of the books is that the real enemy of humanity, or one’s own humanity, is to become cold and cruel at your core.  It’s the thing that must be fought against, outside and within.  This theme is personified in the Others who are literally inhuman and one with the cold.  The Others mocked and toyed with Waymar Royce before killing him.  So what makes Sandor different in laughing at Mycah?  

Well, Sandor does have a conscience; however, too many times in his service to the Lannisters, he chose to ignore it and listened to his worst self instead.  Gregor is a true sadist, while Sandor is guilty of talking like he takes pleasure in suffering.  It’s a very fine line between the two and a distinction without much difference.  Sandor is not cold and cruel at his core (yet).  The confession scene does point to Sandor having a heart.  “You remember where the heart is?” has more than a literal meaning.  Sandor is finding his heart at that moment.  His coldness and cruelty come from a different source, which makes him reachable in a way that Gregor is not.  It is a defense mechanism against placing himself in the victim’s shoes.  He doesn’t want to empathize with the scared and helpless because it reminds him of his own traumatic experience  That desensitization leads him to willingly obey the order to kill a child, who no one could seriously paint as a credible danger to Joffrey’s person.  The laughter adds another layer to the wall between himself and his heart, making the voice of his conscience grow fainter over time.  What he gains in feeling safe from being victimized again comes at the cost of becoming almost no different than Gregor in practice.  If you’re Mycah’s father, you certainly don’t want to hear about Sandor’s defense mechanisms.  You only know this monstrous piece of garbage brutally murdered your child and didn’t give a fuck.  I think Martin threads the needle just right when he’s constantly reminding us that Mycah’s life mattered even while giving us reasons to understand and sympathize with Sandor.        

The problem with trying to interpret Sandor as being less cruel toward Mycah in early AGOT is that it undercuts the power of his about-face from the edge of the abyss.  There would be no drama if Sandor were never really in danger of becoming Gregor in his soul.  Martin doesn’t want us to be under any illusions that Sandor couldn’t go full villain because he showed us that was possible right from the jump more so in his attitude than in the killing itself.  You cross one line in the sand, the next becomes easier, and so on.  Those tendrils of cold were starting to wrap themselves around Sandor’s heart, but then he meets someone that challenges his worldview and inspires him to make different choices.  It’s a hard road not without mistakes and resistance, and a journey of three books for Sandor to find his way back to his heart.  

He’s not just taking full responsibility for his sins and failures.  He’s going further than that.    

“And the little bird, your pretty sister, I stood there in my white cloak and let them beat her. I took the bloody song, she never gave it. I meant to take her too. I should have. I should have fucked her bloody and ripped her heart out before leaving her for that dwarf.“ A spasm of pain twisted his face…

He’s pushing his sense of personal responsibility regarding Sansa to extremes, almost taking too much upon himself.  The business about taking a song without context wouldn’t even make sense to Arya, but it's that important to confess.  He condemns himself for what he failed to do and what he should have done, even though his broken mental state made a rescue impossible and would have put them both in greater danger.  He’s also conflating his feelings toward Sansa, both the physical attraction and the desire to claim her heart as well, to being something on Gregor’s level.  The agonizing guilt over learning Sansa was married off to Tyrion makes him hate himself for things he never actually did or truly intended to do if we look at the facts.  I think we can agree that Gregor is objectively far worse than that.  He needs to dial it back a little bit; however, what matters is that Sandor is so in touch with his empathy for Mycah and Sansa at this moment, he doesn’t want to live anymore for all the harm that he’s caused.  People that feel that much remorse are not likely to backslide again.  I think this points to a lasting a meaningful change for Sandor.                                 

Yes, Sandor is trying to move her hand, but it’s not with intentional exaggeration or fabrication.  It’s with the truth as he sees it.  It’s laying out all the reasons that she should end him.  When Arya still hesitates that he actually tries to make her angry by intentionally getting Mycah’s name wrong.  There was no way he could have forgotten it with her reminding him constantly. 

“Do you mean to make me beg, bitch? Do it! The gift of mercy … avenge your little Michael …”

“Mycah.” Arya stepped away from him. “You don’t deserve the gift of mercy.”

That last line can be read on multiple levels, but the narrative has come down on the side of having mercy on Sandor’s soul.  Sandor is different enough from Gregor that he can feel remorse and empathy when he allows himself to.  That’s the reason he can change at all, and why someone like Gregor never will; however, if Sandor were too different than Gregor at the start, Martin would be pulling his punches with a weak redemption story, and we wouldn’t feel the dramatic “Amazing Grace” moment.  When we see Sandor alive and on the Quiet Isle, we have a real sense he’s been rocketed on a totally new trajectory for his life.  As the saying goes, if a character deserves a redemption arc, they don’t need one. 

[brazenautomaton]

Watchmen ep 6 isn’t just bad because of SJ, it’s a bad episode period

I posted all of this on Discord but fuck it I’m angry at this fucking televisual turd

it's an incredibly simplistic SJ morality play that is incredibly inaccurate, spites its source material, spites the previous episodes, had good ideas it never uses so it can spend more time telling us white people are bad, and basically has no idea what it is depicting

like let's forget SJ, let's forget mind control, let's forget race.we are supposed to believe that Will, the main character in this episode-long flashback, has a "powerful anger" inside him that drives him.

No he fucking doesn't.

We see, in the first half of the episode where they are still trying with the editing tricks, that in contrast to the black and white world of 1939, he has traumatic flashbacks to when he was a young child and fled the Tulsa Race Riot, showing us how he's marked and traumatized by those events.

Except no he fucking isn't.

Since every single white person is actively or passively on the side of the Klan, and those are the only people he interacts with other than his wife, his trauma never has any effect on him because everything he does is obviously a smart decision he should have made anyway. He's not shown to BE in any pain from it. He certainly doesn't act on it. And because all the white people are actively or passively on the side of the Klan, his anger doesn't really exist. He never makes a mistake because of it. He never goes too far, he never hurts anyone who doesn't obviously deserve it because they're a cardboard cut-out racist caricature. 

Near the end of the episode his wife leaves him because being the costumed vigilante Hooded Justice has "consumed" him.  We see him do exactly three things as Hooded Justice. Before he had the official name, he saves a couple from muggers who were going to kill them. He has a meet-and-greet with the Minutemen, who were important to the comic and to HJ in the comic but are never seen again. And then he kills six extremely evil racists plotting to mind control black people into killing each other, who neither the cops nor the Minutemen will do anything about because all white people are actively or passively supporting the Klan. 

Being Hooded Justice never consumes him. It doesn't cause him any problems that he didn't already have. He has no anger inside of him. If anything his problem is that he never stands up for himself. As Hooded Justice, he paints the areas around his eyes white so he looks like a white man wearing the uniform. Nobody except Captain Metropolis (and whoo boy, Captain Metropolis) knows he is black... and yet we're supposed to believe everyone shits on him as Hooded Justice for being black anyway.

At the meeting, he is about to bring up "We know the Klan has a big criminal conspiracy in the works and we're going to stop it", and Captain Metropolis interrupts him because you can't say you are going after the Klan because all white people are actively or passively supporting the Klan. And he just takes it and shuts up. And doesn't bring it up. Despite being the most respected and most senior member of the team who has no reason not to speak up.

(As an aside: it’s fucking idiotic that in an episode set in 1939 New York, every white person is actively or passively supporting the Klan. You can’t just say “they were racist therefore all expressions of racism are plausible”. The Klan’s membership was 30,000 nationwide in 1930 and only went down from there; the Klan in that era hated Catholics just as much as it hated blacks and fucking cops in New York are fucking Irish are you shitting me. The FBI was already prosecuting them at this point and New York is not a place that will look at the values of Washington and say “pfft, those liberals”. There would be no problem whatsoever going after the Klan and they’d have an incredibly hard time hiding out in New York.)

Oh, and Captain Metropolis.

One of the few things we know about Hooded Justice from the comic is that he had a gay love affair with Captain Metropolis, and kept it secret. This was a major driving force in his life.

We see Captain Metropolis's alter ego come meet Will, talking about "Oh boy if you could contact Hooded Justice and tell him that Captain Metropolis wants him to join his superteam that would be really swell, WINK WINK." It's kind of charming.

Smash cut to Will and Captain Metropolis fucking, out of nowhere, for no reason, with no buildup besides 90 seconds of completely ordinary conversation.

Captain Metropolis says "it's a shame you have to hide your identity so people can't see how beautiful you are"

And then the scene ends and that relationship stops existing altogether. Neither of them act like they have any emotional connection, nothing comes of it, it doesn't say or mean anything.

Because the comic said this happened, so shove it out of the way real quick so we can get back to the real story, that White People Are Bad.

The things we learn about the current-year story are: "This thing, the Klan robe in the dead sheriff's closet that was teased as having some complex trickery about it, doesn't. He was just a Bad Racist despite this making no sense and not acting like it at all. We cut directly from Will's wife leaving him in about 1940 to old Will mind-controlling the sheriff into suicide in 2019, with absolutely nothing about how or why he decided to do this, other than that he was a Bad Racist who kept a Klan robe because it was 'his heritage', like that isn't fucking hamfisted."

And "The motivations of a major player in this mystery story of plots within plots are going to be very uninteresting, because they are simply motivated by the fact that they are Bad Racists."

All the editing tricks in the first half just fucking stop in teh second and never mean anything anyway. Our framing device is his granddaughter gobbled a bottle of Nostalgia pills, which are his memories, and if you take someone else's Nostalgia you have a freaky trip where you aren't sure who you are and your memories blend together.

Guess what doesn't actually happen. Angela, the granddaughter, has no identity here, and nothing about her or her memories or experiences comes up. Her actress swaps places with Will's actor but there's never any sort of identity mixup, Angela's actress is just playing out Will's memories. There is one short scene where a modern character appears and says "You are in a coma, I need you to blink for me", that has no impact and affects nothing. Other than that, the entire "oh this is so cool their memories are being entwined" device means nothing and this episode could have just been a flashback for flashback's sake and it would have had no substantive difference.

People say that they could explain things later -- except this is the past. To explain it away they would have to explain that those things didn’t happen. There’s no indication we have an unreliable narrator other than “if we don’t have an unreliable narrator this episode is a waste of time”.

What a piece of shit.