#Yeah no I miss my fans back when I started my account

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Hello. I am wondering why you start liking Takeomi. He is the most hated character by the fandom and your choice of wet soggy cat is very unique. I want to listen your ramblings.

Oh anon, if only I knew

I'll try to remember how it happened, that much I think I got it.

So, when I first got into TR, my mind mostly focused on Mitsuya and the Shiba (mostly Taiju), so much so that I ended up writing a lot more than I thought I ever will on Taiju and explaining where his behavior comes from

Because it seems like a lot of people missed some important information. And by doing that I was able to show them details they had missed (prove that I was right in previous posts where I didn't justified myself and basically got called a liar by someone in the notes which incredibly pissed me off-) and, although that doesn't excuse what Taiju did, it does explain it and makes him more.. real? Maybe not relatable, but his domestic abuse didn't pop up out of nowhere and a lot of people know what intergenerational trauma can do so while still hating Taiju they could understand him better.

Then, having finished my Taiju analysis which also opened my eyes since I found more than what I initially thought about; I myself was able to understand him better and so I thought-

Why not do that with every hated characters in the fandom?

I don't quite recall if my (at the time, very slight) interest in Takeomi happened a bit before or at that time, but the reason why I focused on him before the others (which, uh, aren't a lot anyway) was because I saw stuffs written about him which I didn't really agree with? Like, yeah, he was flawed and raised his siblings badly - especially when next to Shinichiro who was (at least depicted as)(and try to be) good at it - but they were kinda amplifying things

I know that a lot of people relate to Sanzu, or just, love him, and since they saw things I haven't seen, I told myself 'well, let's investigate, then' and then I wrote about 17k words on Takeomi's psychology.

I literally walked myself into the Takeomi rabbit-hole (what a FUCKING mistake /positive)

Takeomi did neglect his siblings, and passive-aggressively verbally, or even emotionally, abused Sanzu and for most of the fandom, is not attractive (and, let's not lie, beauty is a redeeming quality for a lot of characters regardless of fandom. How many characters, no matter their faults, get forgiven by fans just because they're hot, uh?). So he sucks, yeah

You know what he did do? acknowledged his mistakes, apologized for them and would have started his redemption arc if Wakui had had the time for that when warping up the story

He made mistakes, he's flawed, he's human, he wasn't even supposed to be here because he only entered the delinquent world to keep following Shinichiro, his ego which was back then very weak and non-existent got inflated for either survival or because he received so many compliments he didn't know what to do with it if not both because he was a k i d.

Most of the characters in TR are kids or young adults when they commit things they shouldn't have done. And yes, you can hold them accountable for it but they didn't know better - they didn't have the tools to

Now, why do I like Takeomi.

First of all - the amount of flaws he has. Don't think I need to make the list, I think everyone's got it (although make sure to remember he's got an inferiority complex and it's most likely that he also has an imposter syndrome so he's just like me fr-). But even with that, he's never an antagonist. He does things wrong but he's on our side (he's just very deaf to anyone's opinion that doesn't fit his). He sucked at raising his siblings as a kid himself (before his superiority complex developed and during it too - albeit in different ways) but that's just.. realistic? Not that it takes away the seriousness of it and the consequences, but how else could it have been? The impact on Sanzu were disastrous (not that they were the only reason why Sanzu lost it), I understand that, I don't erase that nor deny it BUT THERE'S A REASON WHY TAKEOMI IS LIKE THIS, TOO. And if people blame Takeomi for his actions (which, again, fair.) then blame Sanzu for his!! he was willing to mass murder hundreds of people!!! including his sister!!! he killed a few people!! argh. But Sanzu got his tragic-backstory/childhood shown and has a design that appeals to most, so I guess it's harder to hold him accountable for the seriousness of his actions (I like Sanzu, don't get me wrong. But sometimes the hypocrisy of some fans makes me a tiny bit angry 🙃)

Anyway, reason 84123286 of why I need Takeomi's backstory. Bc, honestly, from what we know of him as a kid+his coping mechanisms as a teen/adult, it would make sense to me if one of the reason he was so hostile to Sanzu was because he saw himself in him and Didn't Like ItTM (for different reasons) (!!! Which would add nicely to Shinichiro seeing himself in Mikey!!! more sano-akashi parallels, lets goooooooo) Talking about the parallels between the two, the fact he's Shinichiro's narrative foil compels me lots. Takeomi is quite literally Shinichiro with a negative filter on. And how can he survived that? How can he cope with the fact that no matter how much he wants and tries to be Shinichiro he'd never succeed? He'd always be the pale copy, the wood statue covered with golden leaves that are peeling away with time next to the pure gold statue. The Teru Teru Bozu that fails to chase the rain away and is going to be decapitated for his ineptitude. He'd always be himself and that's what he hates the most. He'd always be compared to Shinichiro and there's nothing he can do about it. And he can't even be angry at Shinichiro. That's his best friend. He loves him. He has been the first to love him. He has been there before anyone else. He can't lose Shinichiro, Shinichiro gave him everything. Everything he cares about, he sees value of, at least. Immaculate.

I'll also die on the hill that he is competent. He himself has no idea on what but he is (he mixes everything. For him it'd go like this: he gets praised but he's done nothing, Shinichiro has done everything which means they praised him for what Shinichiro has done. Which means what Shinichiro do, he does too. Which means Shinichiro's achievements are his as well! right? He didn't do anything by himself, there's no need to praise him for something else.)(he's fully blind that strategically-speaking and in other brainy-brain domains he's competent af. Bc since it comes 'easily' to him - since he doesn't struggle much with it, or in contrary he struggles so much he cannot possibly be good at it, then there's nothing to praise. And like, for him what Shinichiro does deserve to be praised. What he himself does is just.. things he does so compliments feel shallow)(+Bonten strives as much as Bad Toman and Manila if not more, yet there's no Kisaki. Ofc there's still Koko so that helps, but Takeomi is new to the team and got recruited (at least that what Senju said) in Brahman for his ~wisdom~)

He's also the only character who was around before Shinichiro 1) became a big brother 2) became a delinquent and that has to mean something. They're the only ones left to remember how the other was before their life went to shit

In the final timeline, he looks so healthy. He made peace with himself, his relationship with his siblings is good, he made amends. He healed, they healed. His relationship with Shinichiro, Benkei and Wakasa is good too everything's great. He learnt to understand what he is competent in and focus on it; he's not Shinichiro, he'll never be and that's okay. He's him and what he is complete Shinichiro just as Shinichiro complete him – they take care of one another's flaws but can also know live independently from each other. Perhaps, perhaps Takeomi stopped being so dependent of him

Appearance-wise, I love dark hair+green eyes combo in general so it wasn't that hard (plus there are some godly fanarts out there)

And of course: despite his complexity, at the end of the day - he's really just a pathetic wet poor excuse of a man who can't do anything right and isn't that endearing

I'm slowly getting out of the denial-phase to enter my acceptance-phase when it comes to loving Takeomi. Liking things most people hate or are neutral about is smth I hate for Reasons but it also seems to always happen lolololol. Will try to talk more about Takeomi when it comes to my mind, in case ppl who also love him but don't want to make it known because of his bad reputation in the fandom saw my posts and feel a bit more okay and comfortable with loving him

[captainjacklyn]

Not me reading my own writing without realizing and being like : "Oh this is nice, I'm gonna reblog and like it." only to find out that it's my fucking post- ✋💀

[awearywritersworld]

weakness

gojo satoru x reader summary: you make the strongest sorcerer weak w/c: .54k tags/warnings: domestic fluff with a suggestive ending so 18+, gojo is irrevocably in love with you, the feeling is entirely mutual, gn!reader, no use of y/n a/n: we truly do not deserve him masterlist check out my latest work for gojo here

there isn't a single sorcerer in all of japan unfamiliar with the name gojo satoru. he's known that since he was old enough to understand the innate techniques etched into his body.

and what a lonely existence it was. being the strongest leaves you with little else besides power.

perhaps that's why he finds himself so utterly consumed by you— the only thing in the world that makes him feel weak.

whenever your eyes find his own, his hands tremble. and whenever you give him that crooked grin, his knees nearly collapse beneath him.

he can't even begin to understand it. how someone like him could be lucky enough to belong to someone like you. he knows that a million lifetimes of effort would still leave him pathetically undeserving.

that's probably the reason he hesitates before entering your shared apartment each night. he wants nothing more than to come home to you, and yet, fear tugs in his heart at the prospect of it all having been some long, drawn out dream.

how else can he explain walking into the kitchen, finding you there covered in flour, looking impossibly beautiful? how else can he account for the way your face lights up upon seeing him?

"hey love," you greet him warmly and your voice feels like the answer to every prayer he's ever had.

his long, strong arms wrap you up in an instant, his face burrowing into your neck.

"hey," he breathes out, the heat fanning across your skin.

"'toru," you warn. "you're going to get flour all over your uniform!"

"s'okay, baby. i don't mind."

it's only when you move to hug him back that he fully relaxes against your body.

"how was your mission?"

he doesn't answer right away, reveling in your comforting embrace for a few seconds longer.

"it was alright," he offers, untangling himself from you and standing back up to his full height. "missed you."

"i missed you, too." you peer up at him, your eyes swimming with adoration. his heart clenches painfully at the sight. "but i made your favorite!"

you turn on the oven light, so he bends down for a glimpse at the pastry that's nearly finished baking.

his expression softens and he grabs your face in his hands, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone delicately. "how can i make you understand how much i adore you?"

despite the heat that creeps up your neck, you let out a breath of a laugh. "'toru it's only a pie."

he hums, "made just for me by my most favorite person in the world."

your lips curl into that lopsided grin he loves so much before you stand on your tiptoes to kiss him. he deepens it, his arms finding your waist and tugging your body towards his own possessively.

after a few moments, he pulls away just enough to plant a kiss to your nose, then your forehead, and finally both of your cheeks, savoring the way you giggle at his show of affection.

"okay, i think i'm starting to understand, but i might need just a little more convincing."

he gazes down at you with a smirk, the look in his eye suddenly mischievous. "yeah? maybe we can make another pie together, princess."

"..'toru!"

[feelbokkie]

📱Distancing yourself from BF!SKZ after receiving hate 📱 (Part 2) (Hyung + Hyunjin Line)

☀️Feelbokkie M.list☀️

genre: heavy angst, hurt/comfort

pov: 1st & 2nd person

description: Your boyfriend finds out why you've been distancing yourself (Half smau, half written)

pairing: bf!skz & fem!reader

warnings: swearing, break up, mentions of violence, mention of self harm (?), self loathing, mostly fluff, let me know if I missed anything

word count: listed below

screenshot count: 4

©feelbokkie (2023) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

Part 1

Part 2 (Maknae Line)

방 찬 (Bang Chan) (1,150 words)

“Y/N’s a better person than me. I don’t think I would be able to handle it.”

“Handle what?” Chan asked the two staff members who were talking in the corner. 

Chan normally stays out of things that don’t concern him, but when he heard your name he could help but get involved. 

“All the hate. I don’t know what I would do if I was constantly being told to kill myself by strangers.” The taller of the two staff members mentions. 

Chan thought quietly to himself for a few seconds. He knows that you had gotten some hate in the past, it’s only natural that a few fans would be upset that Chan is in a relationship. But he handles the situation with a message on bubble and everything was fine. Right? You wouldn’t keep something like this from him. Right?

“Thank you for your hard work today,” Chan says quickly before shuffling off to a quiet corner of the room. 

He pulls out his phone and types in your name on Twitter. All the top mentions of your name are so vile and full of malice that he can only imagine how worse it must be in your inbox. 

Chan spent the whole journey back to his dorm reading all the comments that you must have seen. You had to have seen them and that’s why you’re avoiding him. There’s no other explanation. All of your social media accounts are now private, comments are turned off, and you even took off your profile pictures. It’s bad and he blames himself for not seeing how much you were suffering sooner. Once they get home, Chan walks straight to his room and slams the door, causing Jisung, Changbin, and Hyunjin to share a scared and confused look. 

With a need to put an end to all the madness before it escalates even further, he does the only thing he can do: start a Channie’s Room. 

***

I stared at the link Chan had sent me for 5 minutes. I’ve been avoiding him for a few days, it doesn’t make sense that he would just send me a link like everything is okay. But it’s not, everything is fucked.

Our relationship is public, much to Chan’s dismay. He would have preferred to keep everything private, but after a picture of us was at risk of being leaked, we decided to get in front of the narrative and announce our relationship. Everything was fine, my name and picture were never released. A few weeks ago my identity was revealed. I didn’t tell Chan, I didn’t want to worry him with something I could handle on my own. And I did, but the toll on my mental health from most of the comments being directed at me would have been a dead giveaway.

I bite my lip and open the video on my laptop. I sit with my knees to my chest at my computer desk. The video stars and I see Chan sitting in his bedroom wearing the couple hoodie we picked out our first year of dating. I can’t stop the corner of my lips from turning up. His expression is hard to read. He looks tired. I can see it in the bags under his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. I know you guys weren’t expecting a Channie’s Room today. It’s going to be short. I promise.” Chan explains as he reads comments on his phone. Why did he send me a link to this?

“‘Why are we here?’ I thought we could have a little chat. Just a quick conversation about something that’s come to my attention.’”A flash of anger hits his eyes only for a quick second.

Shit. He knows. He knows and he’s going to address it. I quickly pull my phone and dial Chan’s number to get him to stop whatever crusade he’s about to embark on. Chan picks up his phone and swipes his hand across the screen just as the call ends. Chan holds his phone up to the camera.

“If it’s alright with you guys, I’m going to put my phone away. It’s almost dead. But don’t worry, I can still see your comments on my computer.” He smiles at the camera before literally tossing his phone behind him.

“Fuck!” I shut my laptop and race around my room grabbing my shoes, wallet, and keys before making a mad dash to the dorm.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Hyunjin asks when he answers the door. I take a second to catch my breath, doubled over in front of the door. I managed to turn a 30-minute walk into a 15-minute marathon. Call me superwoman.

“C…han…is Chan still in his room?” I ask, finally standing up having collected myself after a few minutes.

“Yeah, but I would wait for a second. He’s pissed.” Han calls from the couch. 

“Oh, believe me, I already know.” I finally make my way into the dorm and head straight to Chan’s room. 

I open the door and freeze when I see Chan still sitting at his desk. I quietly close the door and lean against it as I try to catch my breath. Chan looks at me quickly before finishing the live and giving me his full attention.

“Why are you out of breath? What’s wrong?” He stands up and places a hand on my shoulder.

“What’s wrong? I ran all the way over here to stop you from doing whatever the fuck that was on live.” I push his hand off and make my way over to the beanbag chair that Chan has for me to sit in.

“You’re mad at me for defending you?” He grabs a water bottle from his mini fridge and opens it before handing it to me. I take a huge sip.

“Not mad, upset. I was handling it.”

“How were you handling? By avoiding me?”

“I only avoided you because you can read me like a book. I didn’t want you to worry while you’re busy with your comeback.”

“So you were just going to suffer in silence?” Chan sits down on the edge of his bed and hands me the water bottle cap.

“Chan, I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to start dating you. I expected something like this would happen eventually. I didn’t want you to worry because you already have so much weight on your shoulders.”

“It’s literally my job as your boyfriend to worry about you. It’s not a burden. You’ll never be a burden.” Chan climbs off the bed and kneels next to me.

“I love you. I promise that I will lean on you more.” I take Chan’s hand and kiss his cheek.

“And I promise to also lean on you so that you don’t have to worry about coming to me. Stay the night?”

“Don’t have to ask me twice.”

이 민 호 (Lee Min-Ho) (921 words)

Part 3

Minho rarely goes on social media. He’ll post the occasional picture on Instagram for the official Stray Kids page, but that’s all. He has his secret account, but he mostly uses it when he’s been away from you for a while and misses seeing your face. He hadn’t seen you for a couple of weeks so he logged in to look at your most recent pictures. That’s when he saw all of the hate comments that were under all your pictures.

“What the fuck?” He mutters under his breath.

“What’s wrong?” Han asks, looking concerned at Minho. Dance practice had run late so they’re all resting on the floor of the practice room.

“All these comments on Y/N’s pictures. They’re so vicious.” And recent.

“Do you think that’s why she hasn’t been around?” Minho blinks a few times before shutting his phone and putting his stuff away. He looks down at his phone one more time before leaving without saying anything to the others.

***

I set down a cup of water in front of Minho before returning to my spot in my armchair. He’s been quiet ever since he showed up at my door. It wasn’t completely strange for him to show up unannounced like this. He often comes over to spend the night on a whim. But this time feels different.

“How was practice?” I finally say, breaking the silence.

“Long and difficult, but we’ll figure it out. We always do.” The room falls silent again. I don’t know why I’m nervous, it’s just Minho. We’ve been together long enough, silence shouldn’t be awkward for us. If anything, we prefer it. Most of our nights in are quiet while we both just enjoy each other’s company.

“I saw the comments on your Instagram. When were you going to tell me?” Minho reaches for the glass of water and takes a sip.

“I… I was going to. I just didn’t know when or how to bring it up.” A few weeks ago, a few Stay found my social media and began commenting rude things under all my pictures. It’s escalated into a bigger issue than what I initially thought it was going to be. 

“Are you okay?”

“Are you actually asking?”

“Y/N, I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t actually want to know.” I don’t know why, but he saying that breaks me. Tears start falling down my face faster than I can stop myself.

The truth is, I’m not okay. I knew that dating an idol came with its own set of challenges and that publicly dating one would be even harder. I knew to an extent that I would probably get hate, either directly or indirectly, at some point in our relationship once we went public. So, I constantly did a lot of mental preparation for this exact situation. But no amount of mental preparation will ever prepare you for having all of your flaws pointed out and constantly being told to kill yourself. I hate to admit it, but it has severely impacted my mental health. I can’t sleep, and when I do it’s never for long. My appetite is nonexistent, I only eat when I realize that I hadn’t eaten anything all day.

“I’m not doing great if I’m being completely honest. I can’t remember the last time I got a decent sleep or ate a proper meal. I barely made all of my social media private, but that doesn’t stop people from sending me DMs. I have to delete every comment by hand because if I just turned off my comments, I would miss seeing the stuff you wrote. But that means I have to read each comment to make sure I’m not getting rid of yours— I’m just really exhausted.”

Minho is silent again as he gets up from his spot on the couch and kneels in front of me. He takes me in his arms and strokes my hair as I sob into his shoulder. I knew everything was getting to me, but I didn’t know how much it is affecting me until I said it out loud. 

Min presses a kiss on my cheek and pulls away once I’m done crying. He places both hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eyes. His are filled with tears and he has a sad smile.

“Let’s break up.” He says it so quietly, I almost didn’t hear him.

“What? No—”

“Y/N, you’re miserable. You’re not eating or sleeping, and in a way, it’s because of me. Even if we were to block all of the people sending you hate and delete the comments and DMs, you’ll still be at the center of all this negativity. The only way you’ll know peace is if we aren’t together anymore.”

“I love you, I don’t want to break up.” Tears begin to fall down my face again.

“I love you too, and that’s why we have to. It would be selfish of me to stay with you knowing that you’re dying inside because of me. I would rather end this and know that you’re happy somewhere than lose you forever.” The tears that were welling in his eyes finally start to fall too.

He’s right, even if he went and reprimanded everyone for sending me hate, it would never truly end. I wouldn’t be happy.

“Can we break up tomorrow? I just really need you right now.” I choke out.

“Whatever you need, my love. And just know, I’ll always be here for you.”

서 창 빈 (Seo Chang-Bin) (826 words)

“Excuse me, could we take a picture with you?” Changbin had run into a few fans on his way out of the grocery store when he was getting ingredients to make you soup.

“Ah, just one, I have popsicles.” He lifts one of the bags to show them the shopping he just did. They take a quick group photo before heading their separate ways.

“Changbin oppa is so sweet. I wonder what he sees in that bitch.” One of the fans says as they walk away.

“She’s probably just after him for his money. You know what the forums say.” Another one pipes up. 

They thought that they were far away enough from Changbin when they started talking, but he heard them. When he turned around to confront them, they were gone. It takes him a few seconds to process what they were talking about. Forums? That mentioned you? Once he realized what was going on, he ran off to your apartment.

***

“Are you receiving hate?” Changbin asked when I opened my door.

I was laying down in bed, reading some new mentions on Twitter, when I got a text from Changbin saying he was downstairs. I shouldn’t have said I had a headache. Any mention of me being sick or hurt, he runs to take care of me. I knew he would find out eventually, I was just hoping it wouldn’t be tonight.

“Hello to you too.” I close the door and follow him into the kitchen. He put some grocery bags on the counter and was now leaning over the sink. I roll my eyes and start going through the bags. He really can’t multitask.

“Why didn’t you tell me about what’s going on?” He says without looking at me.

“Bin, can we not do this tonight? I really do have a headache.” I grab the box of popsicles and put them in my freezer.

“Your head wouldn’t hurt if you told me that people were harassing you online. I am your boyfriend, you should come to me when these things happen.” I put the last of the groceries away and walk to the living room.

“Yah! Y/N, don’t walk away from me. I just want to talk.” I love Changbin, but he can be loud. I’m used to it, but it’s unbearable right now.

“Maybe I didn’t tell you because it’s none of your business.”

“You are my business! And if someone is treating you like shit, I should know.” He sits down on the couch, running his hand through his hair.

“You can’t fight everyone to defend my honor.” I sit down on the opposite side of the couch.

“I can try.”

“And tell them what? That they’re wrong? That I’m not a cold bitch? Or a slut? Can you prove that I’m not? For fucks sake— you came all the way over here because you were worried about me and I’m trying to push you away. Changbin, I didn’t tell you because they’re telling the truth. I’m not the most attractive person. My personality is shit and my body count is a bit higher than I like to admit. The only thing that they’re wrong about is me being a gold digger.” Changbin’s expression softens. He scoots closers to me on the couch and places a hand on my knee.

“Don’t talk about my girlfriend like that. You’re wrong. They’re wrong. I’m the only one who is right. They don’t know you like I do. Who are they to call you a bitch? They don’t know that you carry around snacks for dogs and cats with you just in case you run into a stray. They don’t know that you’re the one who makes sure I don’t overwork myself, and take care of me when I ultimately do with no complaints. They don’t know that you also take care of the rest of my group members when they’re sick so that the rest of us stay healthy. They don’t know that you’re prettiest without your makeup, especially when you first take it off. They don’t know that you were going through something before we met. So why should what they say about you matter?”

“Bin—”

“If you don’t like something about yourself because you personally have an issue with it, that’s fine. It’s normal and I’ll be right here to help you fall in love with yourself again. And if you’re letting the opinions of others who have no idea what they talking about, I will personally kick their asses for you.” I can’t stop the corner of my mouth from turning up.

“I’m sure JYP and Dispatch would love that.”

“Y/N, I’m serious. I love you and I want to be there for you, but I can’t do that if you don’t let me in.” He moves his hand to my hand and squeezes.

“You can’t protect me from everything.” I sigh, squeezing his hand back.

“Wanna bet?”

황 현 진 (Hwang Hyun-Jin) (1,076 words)

“Hyunjin hyung, isn’t this Y/N noona’s apartment?” Jeongin held his phone in front of the older boy’s face. On it played a video that showed your apartment, your place of work, and the shops in your neighborhood that you frequent. At the end of the video your phone number and the addresses for both your home and appear on the screen.

“What is this?” The color drains from Hyunjin’s face as he picks up his phone again and sends you a quick text, more panicked this time.

“I don’t know. I just saw it right now, but apparently, it was uploaded a couple of weeks ago— Chan hyung!”Jeongin dropped his phone and tried to steady Hyunjin’s swaying body.

“What’s wrong?” Chan asked looking at the scene unfolding in front of him. Jeongin quickly catches Chan up on what’s happening as Hyunjin slowly starts to zone back in.

“Something’s happened to Y/N, I just know it. I…I need to go check on her.” Hyunjin mumbles.

It wasn’t uncommon for you and Hyunjin to have spells when you didn’t talk to or see each other. So when you first stopped replying to him, he didn’t think anything of it. But slowly, as time went on he would worry a little each day. When he first reached out and you didn’t reply, he just figured you weren’t ready to talk yet and left it alone. Finding out that you had been doxxed and were now unreachable racked his body with guilty. 

“I’ll go with you, ‘kay? Minho, you’re in charge.” Chan wrapped his arm around the fragile boy and led him out of the room.

***

I haven’t left my apartment in a couple of days. I’ve barely left my bedroom since the incident at the convince store. I had been fired earlier that day because the unwanted attention I was receiving was messing with productivity. I had gone to get some snacks and cheap food for the next couple of days when I ran and got into an altercation with a couple of sasaengs. It’s safer in my room and I have enough food in my apartment for the next few weeks.

A knock at my bedroom door draws my attention. Knock? Did they finally manage to break in? I know there are been some people hanging around my apartment for a while now. My eyes scan my room for a place to hide. I settle on the closet. I quietly make my way to the closet and situate myself in the back of it, hugging my knees to my chest. I can’t even call for help, my phone is somewhere on the floor in my living room where it has stayed after I threw it. I have been getting an insane amount of calls and texts I was being bombarded with.

My heart is pounding so hard, I can’t hear anything. I squeeze my eyes tight and take a deep breath in. I let my breath out as I rub my sweaty palms on my pant legs. I should have taken some sort of self-defense course when I decided to move out of my parents' house. I didn’t think I needed to. Hyunjin went along with me when I was looking for an apartment. This one was in the safest neighborhood in my price range. He left a pair of his shoes and one of his coats by the door so it looks like he lives here. Hyunjin. He’s going to be devastated when he finds out. Whatever happens today, I hope isn’t the one who finds me. He’d torture himself for not being here, for not knowing.

I hold my breath when I hear the closet door open. If I stay as still as humanly possible, maybe they’ll leave. I squeeze my eyes tighter as the footsteps walk a little deeper into the closet. A rush of cool air hits my face as the clothes around me move.

“Hyunjin! I found her!”

Chan? I open my eyes to find the older boy standing over me with soft, yet relieved eyes. Hyunjin runs into the room and makes eye contact with me. Chan walks out of the closet to make room for Hyunjin. He kneels next to me and engulfs me in a hug, burying my face in his chest. Breathing in his scent, I start sobbing.

We sit like that for what feels like hours. The whole time, Hyunjin stayed quietly stroking my hair. Being in Hyunjin’s arms is the most peace I’ve felt in a month. The warmth radiating from his body and his familiar scent lulls me into a quiet state.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper when I finally calm down enough.

“Why are you sorry? If anything, this is my fault.” Hyunjin’s voice cracks. I pull away from his chest and look into his eyes. They’re red and glassy. I swipe my thumb under his eye.

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t leak my information to the world.”

“That wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t dating me. Y/N,” he lets go of me and turns to face me fully, “I was so scared when I found out what happened. I was terrified that I was going to come here and find you…” Tears start to well up in his eyes at the thought of how badly this could have turned out.

“I know. I was scared too. But it’s fine. I’m fine”

“But it could have been really bad. Look at you—you’re covered in bruises. You can’t live here anymore.” He gently lifts my head to examine my face. Most of the damage is on my arms and torso, I have a small bruise on the corner of my mouth and a slightly busted lip.

“I know that—I’ve been looking at new places. But it’s going to take a while.”

“Just stay with me, it’s safer. Living with Changbin hyung and Chan hyung is like living with two bodyguards. And Jisung is pretty entertaining. Plus, I’m there.” I crack a small smile.

“Don’t you always complain about living with 3racha?” Hyunjin brushes my hair out of my face.

“Yeah, but maybe they’ll get their shit together if you move in with us. Anyway, let’s go. We can get something to eat and talk about everything.” Hyunjin stands up and sticks his hand out toward me. I take his hand and he pulls me up.

“I’m right behind you.”

—

Buy me a coffee?

[s6lars]

happy bday bb!!!! i missed you so much i’m so happy i found your account! do you think you could just do a headcanon of how pedri is as a bf! it’s up to you if you want to include smut

⋆ ˚｡⋆ 📂 pedri as a boyfriend …

contains smut, minors dni.

— the meeting.

he was back home in the canaries and met you a house party one of his mates had hosted

it honestly was just an instant connection

he had gone around talking to different ppl throughout the night but the second he started talking to you …

you were the last person he spoke to. bcs he would not speak w anyone else

but after that it was mostly silence, and he was sad bcs he rlly wanted to get closer

when he was back in barcelona, he found out you lived there too

and after some time and a million encouragements from fer

he had the courage to formally ask you out and you two hit it off not long after that

basically, a he fell first & he fell harder moment 🫶🏼

— dating life.

this man is so gentle with you. just so soft spoken, so attentive, so caring

and let’s not forget how clingy he is

you could be doing anything — chores, just scrolling through your phone and he’ll sneak up behind you and bury his face in the crook of your neck

and he wouldn’t say a single word. just dead silent

but that means all he wants is cuddles and you’re more than happy to oblige !

lets you go in his closet and steals whatever you want. genuinely half your closet is just his hoodies and t-shirts now

speaking of his closet, when you first got your hands on it, you were appalled to say the least. but you’ve since gotten it under control and no more ripped skinny jeans it is

in my eyes, pedri’s love language is quality times.

so when he has the time, it’s date night almost every single week ! renting out literally the whole restaurant so it’s more intimate and romantic

when he’s a bit busier, he does it in other ways

he’ll hire a private chef fer to his house, decorate the dining room with flowers

speaking of …

gifts. always. constantly. and spontaneously!

he’ll ask you what you want for your birthday, or christmas, etc — and you always say you don’t want anything. but then a few days later, you’ll get texts like: “gold or silver?” “what size shoe are you?” “do you like clutches or purses more?”

he’s a simple guy, he’s not flashy, and unless it’s for a new phone or a new car he hates splurging. but when it’s with you, then it’s a whole other story.

loveeees showing you off to his family and friends

he’ll run late to lunch with his friends and say something like, “sorry, my girl was too clingy this morning.”

and they’ll all be fake disgusted but he loves it

oh and about pet names

mi mujer — my woman, when addressing you, it’s his go-to.

and bebé for when he’s speaking to you directly

— the launch.

pedri is famous, which means one way or another, the public will have to know about you guys.

pedri is generally a private guy so i think he’ll let it out slowly

which means … soft launch !

it starts with a goal dedication, he makes your initial with his hands and blows a kiss to the camera

and ppl are instantly like whoa. who was that for

and then it picks up

he posts holiday pics and there’s little bits and pieces of you in them

your hair creeping in a mirror selfie, your manicured hands on a steering wheel, your reflection off of a mirror in a restaurant

and now it gets real serious

fans catch him with a girl as his wallpaper but your face is covered by his hand holding the phone

the bomb drops when he posts a pic on his story. it’s a mirror selfie, you’re both dressed up, and you’re the one taking it. he’s standing behind you, one hand across your abdomen.

both your faces are cropped out. still, ppl are like yeah, he has a girl it’s confirmed

finally, he post a whole dump for you, probably for something special like your birthday and he lets the world know he’s yours !

— the spice.

remember when i said pedri was very gentle earlier?

well he can definitely pull a 180 in bed

i see him as more of a switch, and it depends on his mood

at the start of the relationship, when you were navigating what you both enjoyed in bed, you had to guide him a lot

and that’s when you found out he loves being praised, and asking you to praise him

“does that feel good?” “fuck, right there, yeah?” “like this?”

and when he’s not in control he doesn’t shy away from letting you know how good you’re making him feel, always in your ear

ok but let’s get into how he is when he’s in control

generally at first your sex was pretty vanilla, but you were so tired from work one day and just needed to let it all out

and pedri delivered — he had you bent over the couch, and when you thought you were done, he carried you to his room and made you watch in the mirror as you took him

it was unexpected. but not unwelcome

has a thing for when you tug his hair or leaves scratches on his back. it hurts, but it eggs him on further

and if he's really feeling confident, like if he just won a final or scored an important goal, his stamina is quadrupled. you're not stopping until your legs physically give out

always, always makes sure you get aftercare, even if he can barely stay awake himself

even if it's as simple as just getting you something to drink or standing next to you while you're in the bathroom afterwards, he just wants to let you know that he cares about you

gets super cocky the morning after. especially if he sees you limp a bit

you'll tell him off because you'll have to be at work or smth and he'd sit there with a grin and say, "you were the one who kept begging, harder, please—" (you'd throw a pillow in his face before he could continue)

but it's fine, the morning sex makes up for it ♡

[firesnap]

When I was in law school I was struggling with the worst depression and anxiety combo of my life. I hated going to school, I hated studying, I hated how trapped I felt because I'd paid all that money and hated everything about what I was doing.

I started putting on vods of people playing Minecraft while I was studying to distract me from how frustrated I was. I put on Wilbur Soot, admittedly, because he was a cute looking guy with a British accent and then I fell in love with his content.

I remember the late night streams with a guitar and relating to how, hey, yeah, that's me too. I get it. The things that keep you up at night and that parasocial relationship with a screen that can't answer you back was a strong pull.

I followed his content casually when I was finishing school. And then Covid happened. I got more invested. DSMP happened. I finally gave in and started watching streams live. I gave in and joined fandom.

I made friends. So many friends. I've traveled so much. I've met people and listened to so much music and gotten into arguments with strangers and slept on people's couches and sat in the fucking dessert in August. I don't regret a moment of it. I loved it.

But I can't support someone who is a dangerous person. I won't speculate, or make this about him, other than to please use common sense. The same reason we all critiqued another's creators fans for sticking by him applies here.

I've run an update account about this guy for a while now. Through the nature of looking up articles, finding clips to share, and asks and submissions we receive, I end up with a lot of info I never wanted. But I can't ignore what that information tells me about the person I've been supporting.

I feel like this is an active grieving process. I skipped denial pretty quick, but bargaining has happened. Parasocial or whatever, but so have tears. Anger. So much anger and disappointment. Fear about the relationships I've built and a growing emptiness of feeling like a hobby and community I've loved is now just gone and that it's For A Good Reason. Guilt because someone was hurt, truly hurt, and supporting them has to come first but I am also just. Sad.

Quiet, aching sadness over the loss of not some dude whose content I watched, but every other little thing I'll miss about being around and always having something to look forward to and people to laugh with me about it.

Please be patient. Be kind. Pay attention to red flags and support those trying to work through their own abuse and neglect. I'm sad now, but they need support more than any fan of a band ever would.

[musicforastylesrestaurant]

I’m Still Standing.

masterlist || ask me anything <3

author's note - this concept came into my head really randomly and it’s the most angsty thing i’ve ever written on this account, so i hope it’s good for you all!!

please understand that i’m not trying to portray harry’s fans as people who would laugh about scars, i made this up so it would fit the outlook for the story.

word count - 6.8k

in which, you and harry first met when you auditioned to be a member of his love band, since then, your relationship has only just got better, friends turned to best friends and best friends slowly morphed into lovers. it was definitely love at first sight. but in december of 2022, you were the victim of an accidental road injury, you were hit by a car. it took a long time for you to recover, your fiance tried to cancel the shows so that he could care for you but you didn't want him to miss anything, so whilst he toured oceania and asia, you stayed home. june, 2023 was when you thought you were ready to appear on stage again, but that all takes a turn for the worst when some fans make some nasty remarks, but harry's quick to remind you, that you're still standing better than you ever did.

trigger warnings - mentions of panic attacks and car accidents, mentions of scars and hospital terms, mentions of mental health and body dysmorphia.

You stand backstage, your fingers nervously strumming the strings of your guitar, trying to get it into tune. This audition for Harry Styles' tour band feels like the culmination of all your hard work and dedication. 

The stakes are high, and the nerves threaten to consume you.

You didn’t really know what you were doing there, your mother had recorded you playing your guitar in front of your dog Monty and had posted it on her facebook, loads of people saw it and that was when you got an email from Columbia Records requesting that you come in for an audition, apparently Mr. Styles was looking for someone to join his band for his 2018, Live On Tour, tour.

To say you were nervous would definitely be an understatement, your hands were shaking and you didn’t really know how to stop them from doing it.

Just as doubt starts to creep in, the sound of the door creaking open catches your attention. 

Your eyes go wide when you turn around and there he is, Harry Styles himself, leaning casually against the doorframe with that captivating smile on his face.

He was wearing a black loose fitted shirt, with flamingos adorned over the material, the buttons not fully done up so you could see the tips of his swallow tattoos peaking through, his legs were fitted with a pair of beige trousers and some yellow loafers attached to his feet.

He looked good.

"Hey there," he says in his velvety voice, his eyes twinkling with warmth. "You must be the talented guitarist I've been hearing so much about."

For some reason, your breath caught in your throat, resulting in you losing the ability to respond back to him.

Your heart skips a beat, and you struggle to find your voice. "Uh, yeah, that's me. I'm a big fan, by the way."

Way to embarrass yourself, (Y/N).

Harry chuckles, his laughter like music to your ears. "Well, I'm flattered. But remember, I'm just a guy with a few decent songs. No need to be nervous."

A few decent songs, he definitely needed to be humbled. His songs were like going to space, beautiful and rare, there was hardly any music like his nowadays.

His words instantly put you at ease, a wave of relief washing over you. You offer a shy smile and respond, "Thanks, Mr. Styles. I needed that."

He steps closer, his eyes fixated on your guitar. "Mind if I take a look?"

Harry Styles wanted to hold your guitar.

Harry Styles, heartthrob, wanted to hold your guitar, how could you ever say not to that.

Control yourself.

You nod and hand him the instrument, your fingers lightly brushing against his. Call it cliche, but a jolt of electricity shoots through you, and you can't help but blush. 

Harry strums a few chords, effortlessly coaxing a beautiful melody from the strings.

"Sounds fantastic," Harry remarks, returning the guitar to your waiting hands. "I think you're going to fit right in."

Your confidence begins to soar as Harry's charm wraps around you like a warm embrace. The audition becomes less daunting with every word he speaks, his encouragement laced with playful banter.

"So, do you always have this effect on musicians?" you tease, a twinkle in your eye.

Harry smirks, leaning in closer. "Only the ones who make my heart skip a beat."

Your breath once again caught, you made his heart skip a beat?

His words catch you off guard, and your cheeks flush with a mix of surprise and excitement. You try to maintain your composure, but deep down, you can't deny the flutter of anticipation building within you.

He was really good looking.

You didn’t even know that you were auditioning until the audition progressed, your fingers gliding effortlessly across the strings, the music resonating with every fiber of your being. Harry's presence fuels your performance, his voice blending seamlessly with your guitar, creating a harmonious masterpiece. It's as if you've been playing together for years.

Maybe that was how it was supposed to be.

In between your audition, Harry flashes you a sly grin and quips, "You know, if you keep playing like that, I might just fall head over heels for you."

You blushed once again.

Your heart skips a beat, and you laugh nervously, attempting to hide the blush that creeps up your neck. "I think I'd be okay with that."

Did you really just say that?

The air in the room crackles with a charged energy, and you find yourself lost in a dance of music and flirtation. Each note you play is a secret message, a longing that speaks louder than words. And in Harry's eyes, you catch glimpses of a shared desire.

By the time you reach the final chords, the room erupts in applause. Harry rises from his seat, his eyes never leaving yours.

"You were incredible," he says, his voice filled with genuine admiration. "I'd love for you to join the tour."

I’m sorry, what?!

You can hardly believe your ears. The moment you've been dreaming of is here. With a wide smile, you respond, "I'd be honored, Mr. Styles."

He reaches out, his hand finding yours, and pulls you into a warm embrace. As his arms encircle you, you can't help but notice the racing of your heart and the way his touch sends a surge of electricity through your veins. The world around you fades into the background, and all that exists in this moment is the two of you, entangled in a moment of undeniable connection.

Harry's voice, barely above a whisper, caresses your ear. "Welcome to the band, love."

You lean back slightly, looking into his eyes, a mixture of excitement and uncertainty swirling within you. The unspoken tension between you is palpable, and you find yourself wondering if Harry feels the same magnetic pull that you do.

Maybe you were just imagining it.

As you break from the embrace, a mischievous smile tugs at the corners of Harry's lips. "I must admit, there's a part of me that's relieved you're joining the band. I wouldn't want to miss out on the opportunity to get to know you better."

Your heart skips a beat for about the millionth time that day, the words hanging in the air, heavy with unspoken possibilities. A playful glint dances in his eyes, and you find yourself being drawn closer to him, your bodies now only inches apart.

"Getting to know you better sounds like a delightful prospect," you reply, your voice laced with a mixture of anticipation and curiosity.

Harry leans in, his voice a seductive murmur. "Maybe we could grab a drink after rehearsal? I'd love to hear more about the person behind that incredible talent."

A rush of warmth floods through you, and you nod eagerly. "That sounds perfect."  

That was just over three months ago.

So far, you were rehearsing for his first tour as a solo member and things had been going great. You had met Sarah, Mitch, Clare and Adam five days after your audition and instantly got along with the two of them, calling them your best friends within two weeks of knowing them.

As for Harry, things were definitely starting to get better with the two of you. If you seemed to be having a bad day, he would find a way to put a smile on your face. He was cute like that.

As you join the band and embark on rehearsals, Harry's presence continues to fill you with a sense of comfort and confidence. His playful banter and infectious laughter become the soundtrack to your journey together.

During breaks, you steal stolen glances, your eyes locking and holding for longer than necessary. The air brims with unspoken tension, each encounter tinged with the promise of something more.

One evening, after an intense rehearsal, Harry takes you aside, his eyes filled with a mix of anticipation and vulnerability. 

"I've been thinking about us, you know," he admits, his voice filled with honesty. "There's something between us, something I can't ignore."

You weren’t sure you could ignore it for much longer either.

Your heart pounds in your chest, your own feelings echoing his words. "I feel it too, Harry. It's like we've found a connection that's hard to put into words."

He steps closer, his hand reaching up to gently brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear. "Would it be too forward of me to say that I'm falling for you? That being around you makes everything feel right?"

No…never.

A smile tugs at your lips, your heart soaring with newfound courage. "It wouldn't be too forward at all, Harry. I'm falling for you too."

In that moment, the world around you fades away once again. It's just the two of you, standing in the quiet embrace of a shared revelation. And as your lips meet in a tender, passionate kiss, you know that this journey—this tour with Harry Styles—will be more than just a musical experience. It will be a love story for the ages, where the strings of your guitar intertwine with the strings of your hearts, creating a melody that will resonate long after the final notes have faded.

You had finally found the one.

Five years.

Five years you had been in a relationship with Harry and during those five years, the relationship between the two of you had done nothing but flourish.

On your anniversary in 2020, he proposed to you. He got down on one knee in your shared London house and there was no doubt that you were going to say yes.

You adored the man with every fiber of your body.

You find yourself sitting on the cosy couch in your shared hotel in Werchter, Belgium, a gentle warmth filling the room. Your fingers trace absent-minded patterns on the fabric of the blanket thrown over your lower body, keeping you warm as you let your mind wander, reflecting on the journey that has brought you to this very moment.

You cautiously cross the road, anticipation pulsating through your veins as you head towards the café to meet your boyfriend.  The air is crisp, carrying a hint of autumn's arrival, and the city buzzes with its usual energy.

The road was safe when you crossed, until it wasn’t.

In the midst of the bustling crowd, a danger lurks, unseen and unforgiving. 

A drunk driver, his senses impaired, careens towards you without warning. Time slows down, and your instincts kick in, desperately trying to avoid the inevitable collision.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you attempt to evade the oncoming car, but the impact is inevitable. 

Pain sears through your body as you're flung through the air, crashing onto the unforgiving pavement. The world spins, and darkness descends upon you like a heavy curtain.

Inside the café, Harry sits near the window, a cup of untouched coffee growing cold before him. As he waits, a knot of anxiety tightens in his stomach. Suddenly, the tranquility of the moment shatters, and his gaze is drawn to the horrific scene unfolding just outside.

That’s when he sees you.

Time slows to a torturous crawl as Harry's eyes widen in disbelief. He watches in helpless horror as the car strikes you, his heart pounding in his ears. With a mix of disbelief and raw emotion, he stumbles out of his seat, knocking over his chair in the process.

His voice trembles as he shouts your name, the desperation and anguish evident in his cries. "No! Oh God, no! Somebody help! Call an ambulance!"

Passersby freeze, their eyes widening in shock as they witness the aftermath of the accident. Harry's voice breaks, the weight of the situation crashing down upon him. He drops to his knees beside your motionless body, trembling fingers reaching out to touch your cold skin.

Tears blur his vision as he cradles your face, his voice choked with pain. "Please, wake up…(Y/N)... Don't leave me like this, m’angel… I can't lose you."

Amidst the chaos, someone steps forward, dialing emergency services and relaying the dire situation. The sound of sirens grows closer, a faint glimmer of hope in the midst of despair.

As paramedics arrive on the scene, Harry is forced to release his grip on you, not without giving a fight, another paramedic holds him back, running soft circles onto him as his hands shake uncontrollably. He watches, a mix of fear and agony etched on his face, as they work to stabilize your fragile form.

His heart shatters with each passing second that lacks a sign of life. He whispers desperate prayers into the void, his voice trembling with emotion. "Please, don't take her away from me...I can’t…I can't live without….her…"

Finally, a flicker of movement, a gasp of breath escapes your lips. Harry's eyes widen in disbelief, his heart surging with a renewed sense of hope. "She's breathing…she’s breathing, you saw that…right?!" he exclaims, his voice filled with equal parts relief and disbelief.

As the paramedics prepare to transport you to the hospital, Harry is forced to release his grip on your hand, his gaze filled with a mix of longing and determination. 

"I'll be right behind you," he promises, his voice steady with resolve.

Alone in the hospital waiting room, Harry paces anxiously, his mind clouded with thoughts of what could have been lost. He replays the accident over and over in his mind, tormented by the what-ifs that haunt him.

He had been waiting just over an hour and half for someone to come and talk to him. Give him an update on what was going on with you.

Hours stretch into an agonizing eternity as he clings to the faint hope that you will recover. The sterile hospital walls offer no solace, and he finds himself retracing the steps that led you both to this point, questioning the fragility of life and the unpredictable turns it can take.

Finally, a weary doctor emerges from behind the double doors, his expression a mix of weariness and cautious optimism. Harry's heart lurches in his chest as he rushes towards the doctor, desperation etched on his face.

"How is she? Is she going to be alright?" Harry's voice trembles with a mix of fear and longing, his hands clenched into tight fists.

You needed to be okay.

The doctor meets Harry's gaze, his eyes filled with compassion. "She's stable now. It was a close call, but she's a fighter. She sustained some serious injuries, but we're doing everything we can to help her recover."

Relief washes over Harry, but it's quickly replaced by a wave of guilt. He clenches his jaw, his voice strained. "I should have been there to protect her. I should have... I should have done something."

The doctor places a reassuring hand on Harry's shoulder. "Accidents happen, and it's not your fault. What matters now is supporting her through her recovery."

Harry nods, a mixture of determination and guilt playing across his features. "I'll be there for her. Every step of the way."

Days blend into nights as Harry sits vigil by your bedside, his fingers tracing the contours of your hand, desperate for any sign of improvement. The beeping machines and sterile hospital environment become your temporary reality, a stark contrast to the vibrant world you both once knew.

He called his mother about what happened to you and she and Gemma took the first flight to Los Angeles, so they could support not only you but him as well.

They forced him to go home and change his clothes, promising to call him if there was any news.

Sarah, Clare, Mitch, Adam and Jeff and Glenne were by your bedside as much as they could be but with there busy schedules it made it harder for them to be there.

In moments of silence, Harry finds solace in sharing memories of your love and laughter, his voice filled with a mix of tenderness and longing. He whispers words of encouragement and love, as if the sheer force of his devotion could bring you back to consciousness.

And then, one day, a miracle unfolds. Your eyes flutter open, and for a moment, confusion clouds your gaze. But as you take in the sight of Harry, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, recognition dawns, and a feeble smile graces your lips.

"I'm here, love. You're going to be okay," Harry whispers, his voice laced with relief. He brushes a gentle hand against your cheek, his touch a testament to his unwavering love and devotion.

A month into your recovery, was when Harry finally realised just how bad the whole ordeal was affecting you.

Harry arrives home from grocery shopping, his arms laden with bags filled with fresh produce and essentials. He enters the bedroom, expecting to find you in your usual spot, engrossed in a book or working on a project. But what he sees stops him in his tracks.

There you sit, in your wheelchair, wearing nothing but a sports bra and shorts. Your eyes are fixed on the floor-length mirror before you, your gaze filled with a mix of vulnerability and frustration. Harry's heart skips a beat at the sight, his instinct to protect and comfort you kicking into high gear.

His eyes never leave your form in the mirror. With a deep breath, he approaches you, his voice soft and filled with love. "Hey, beautiful. What's on your mind?"

You startle at his voice, a mixture of embarrassment and sadness crossing your face. "Harry, look at me. I can't stand on my own. I feel so... broken."

You were struggling, really fucking struggling.

Harry kneels down beside you, his hands gently grasping yours. His gaze meets yours in the mirror, his voice filled with determination. "But look at everything you've overcome. You've faced unimaginable challenges, and yet here you are, still standing."

Tears well up in your eyes, a mixture of gratitude and self-doubt coursing through your veins. "I don't always feel strong, Harry. Sometimes, I feel defeated by my own body."

Harry's thumb strokes the back of your hand in a soothing motion. "I know it's not easy, and it's okay to have moments of doubt. But remember, you're not defined by what you can or can't do physically. Your strength shines through in countless other ways."

His words resonate within you, a glimmer of hope flickering in the depths of your soul. You take a deep breath, allowing his words to wash over you. "I guess... I just miss feeling independent, like I used to."

Harry's eyes never leave yours, his voice filled with unwavering support. "You are independent, love. It may look different now, but that doesn't diminish your spirit or your worth. Remember the chorus of that song by Elton John? 'I'm still standing, yeah yeah yeah.'"

That was the song that was getting you through the hard days, the lyrics of the song reminded you that even though you had been through hell and back, you were in fact still standing.

A small smile tugs at the corners of your lips as the lyrics echo in your mind. You meet Harry's gaze, a flicker of determination in your eyes. "You're right. I'm still standing, and I won't let this define me."

Harry's face lights up with pride, his voice brimming with admiration. "That's my girl. Together, we'll face anything that comes our way. We'll rewrite the rules and show the world just how resilient we are."

You lean into him, finding solace in his embrace. In his arms, you feel a renewed sense of strength and acceptance. With Harry by your side, you know that you'll navigate this journey together, overcoming obstacles with unwavering love and unwavering determination.

As the echoes of Elton John's lyrics fade into the air, you realize that standing on your own two feet is not just about physical ability. It's about resilience, love, and the unwavering spirit that resides within. And together, you and Harry are an unbreakable force, ready to face any challenge that comes your way, still standing.

Memories of the accident resurface, the one that left you with a broken leg, a few broken ribs, and scars that tell a story of resilience and strength. The pain you endured during those days in the hospital, the grueling physical therapy sessions, and the long road to recovery—all of it has shaped you into the person you are today.

The accident left you with a lot of scars and sometimes, you didn’t like how they were on your body, you didn’t want them, you shouldn’t have had them in the first place had it not been for the drunk driver that had struck you.

One time, Harry had caught you sitting in the wheelchair the hospital provided you with and was sitting in front of the floor length mirror, eyes wet and feeling disgusted with the way your body now looked.

Lost in your thoughts, you feel a comforting presence beside you. Your fiancé, the person who has been your rock throughout this entire journey, sits down, his eyes filled with love and concern.

"What's on your mind, love?" Harry asks gently, their voice laced with a mixture of tenderness and curiosity.

You take a deep breath, gathering the courage to share your thoughts. "I've been thinking a lot about everything that's happened, about how far I've come since the accident. The fear I had of losing my ability to play the guitar, to perform on stage, has slowly transformed into a burning desire to reclaim what I love."

Your fiancé listens intently, their hand finding yours, providing a comforting anchor in the depths of your vulnerability.

"I think I'm ready," you continue, your voice filled with determination. "I'm ready to join you back on tour as your guitarist. I want to step back into the spotlight, to feel the exhilaration of playing for a crowd again."

A flicker of excitement dances in their eyes as they take in your words. "Are you sure, love? I mean, I've seen your strength and resilience, but I want to make sure you're ready for the demands and challenges of touring."

You had thought it over. So many times, you kissed touring with him and not being on stage with him in what felt like forever, you just wanted a little bit or norm back in your life.

You smile, your gaze meeting theirs. "I am sure. The accident made me realize that life is too short to let fear hold me back. I want to embrace every opportunity that comes my way, and being on stage with you is the greatest opportunity of all."

Your fiancé's face lights up with a mixture of pride and love. "I've always believed in you, in your talent and your unwavering spirit. I can't express how happy I am to hear you say this."

Their words fill your heart with warmth, and you lean in, your forehead resting against theirs. "I couldn't have done it without your love and support. You've been my rock, my inspiration. And now, it's time for us to conquer the stage together."

24th June, 2023.

The day you would be back on stage, and reclaiming your spot next to Mitch as Harry’s guitarists.

As you stand before the mirror in the dressing room, your heart pounds with a mix of excitement and apprehension. It's been seven long months since the accident, the incident that left you scarred physically and emotionally. But tonight, you're stepping back onto the stage alongside your fiancé, the incredibly talented man that held your heart captive.

You peel off your clothes, revealing the remnants of the past—a tapestry of scars that litter your body. Each mark tells a story, a chapter of pain and healing. Your fingers trace the scars delicately, memories flooding back with each touch.

Your fingertips glide over the long, jagged scar on your stomach, a reminder of the surgery that saved your life. It stretches across your abdomen, a visible testament to the fragility of existence. You can still recall the sterile scent of the hospital, the sensation of being under anaesthesia, and the sound of the surgeon's voice assuring you that everything would be alright.

As you trace the path of the scar, tears well up in your eyes. The emotions overwhelm you—the fear, the vulnerability, the gratitude for being alive. You hastily wipe away the tears, refusing to let them consume you. You don't want Harry to see you like this—fragile, still grappling with the remnants of the accident.

Taking a deep breath, you collect yourself and begin to change into the performance outfit meticulously chosen for tonight's show. With each article of clothing, you shed the emotional weight and don a cloak of resilience.

But it's not just the scar on your stomach that serves as a reminder. Your fingers move upward, skimming over the faint marks on your chest. They are the remnants of broken ribs, the physical proof of the impact that threatened to shatter your entire being.

As your fingers dance across the scars, a mixture of emotions swirls within you. You remember the excruciating pain that radiated through your chest, making each breath a struggle. The nights spent gasping for air, wondering if you would ever be able to play guitar again. And yet, here you are, on the verge of reclaiming that stage.

When you finally emerge from the room, you plaster a smile on your face, determined to project confidence. Harry turns to you, his eyes lighting up as he takes in your appearance.

"Hey, love, you look absolutely stunning!" he exclaims, wrapping you in a warm embrace.

You glanced down at what you were wearing, nodding softly. You had decided to wear short sleeves tonight due to the humidity of the Belgian air and had gotten Elin and Madi to cover up the scars on your arms with foundation, if you had to get through this performance tonight without a hitch, you needed to make sure the fans didn’t see the state of your arms.

It wasn’t second nature to the fans and the world that you had been the victim of a car accident, paps had eaten the story up and it wasn’t long before the world were all feeling sorry for you, and telling you ‘get well soon.’

It wasn’t second nature that the fans knew you and Harry were in a relationship. They were happy for him, some fans weren’t, some were bitter but the majority were kind hearted.

The fans knew not to expect you to be on stage for a while, they liked your replacement , you just hoped they didn’t resent you for reclaiming your spot.

"Thank you," you reply, your voice tinged with a hint of nerves. "I'm so excited to perform with you again, sweet boy. It's been too long."

Harry nods, his eyes filled with adoration. "I've missed having you by my side on stage, baby. Tonight is going to be incredible."

When you first walked onto the stage with the rest of the band, the crowd cheered, happy to see you back.

You wanted to perform at Wembley when he was there but the 90,000 people just made your nerves too hard to get rid of.

It had gotten to the part of the show where Harry introduced the band helping him perform tonight.

The crowd erupts into thunderous applause, their cheers blending with the pounding of your heart.

Harry steps forward, his charm radiating as he takes hold of the microphone. "Thank you all so much!" he exclaims, his voice filled with genuine gratitude. "Tonight has been incredible, and I want to take a moment to introduce you to the extraordinary people who make this show possible."

The spotlight shifts, illuminating each member of the band in turn as Harry introduces them, acknowledging their talent and contributions. The crowd roars with approval, showing their love and appreciation for the musicians who have taken them on this unforgettable journey.

"And last, but certainly not least," Harry says, his eyes glimmering with affection as he turns toward you, "I want to welcome someone very special back to the stage tonight. Please give a round of applause for my incredible fiancée, who's been through so much and is now here, shining brighter than ever. Welcome back, (Y/N)!"

The crowd erupts into thunderous applause once again, their cheers echoing throughout the venue. The sound washes over you, filling you with warmth and a renewed sense of purpose. Harry walks over to you, his smile radiant as he presses a gentle kiss to your cheek.

"I'm so proud of you, love," he whispers, his voice barely audible over the roaring crowd. "You're incredible."

Touched by his words and the overwhelming support of the crowd, you turn to face the audience, a beaming smile adorning your face. You raise a hand in gratitude, acknowledging their cheers and the immense love they've shown.

The performance took a turn for the worst when Harry was performing Matilda.

As Harry takes the centre stage, his voice resonates through the venue, captivating the crowd with his heartfelt rendition of "Matilda." You stand beside him, shoulder to shoulder with Sarah, Madi, and Elin, proud to be part of his performance.

However, as the heat intensifies under the stage lights, the foundation covering the scars on your arms begins to melt away, slowly revealing the marks beneath. Unbeknownst to you, a group of fans standing in the front row notices the scars and begins to snicker and laugh, their insensitivity cutting through the air.

Caught off guard, you glance down at your arms, now exposed for all to see. Shame washes over you, accompanied by a deep sense of vulnerability. The laughter echoes in your ears, a cruel reminder of the pain you carry on a daily basis.

The song concludes, and as you go to step back, picking up your guitar, tears well up in your eyes. The weight of their laughter presses heavily on your heart, and without a second thought, you bolt offstage, seeking solace in the privacy of the dressing room.

You stumble through the corridors, your vision blurred by tears. Jeff, who was standing on the side stage, attempted to touch your arm and see if he could do anything but you bolted straight past him, too upset to even attempt to speak.

Finally, you reach the dressing room, the door becoming a barrier between you and the outside world. You lock it behind you, the sound of the latch giving you a brief sense of security.

Collapsing onto a chaise lounge, sobs wrack your body as you struggle to catch your breath. The pain of their laughter reverberates through you, and the scars that you've worked so hard to embrace now feel like glaring flaws. In this moment of despair, you feel utterly alone.

Through your tear-stained face, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. The scars etched on your arms serve as a painful reminder of the journey you've travelled—a journey that has tested your resilience and strength. But at this moment, they seem to mock you, amplifying your vulnerability.

You don’t know how long you were sitting there.

But the panic that has gripped your chest refuses to subside, and the air feels thin, suffocating.

Amidst your distress, you hear Harry's desperate pleas from the other side of the door, his voice filled with concern and love.

"Please, love," he implores, his voice cracking. "Let me in. I need to be with you. I can't bear to see you like this."

You find it difficult to think, your mind clouded by fear and self-doubt. Harry's words echo in your ears, but a part of you hesitates, questioning whether you should expose him to your vulnerable state.

Yet, Harry persists, his voice growing more desperate with each passing moment.

"Please, just open the door," he pleads again. "I'll do anything to make this better. Just let me in."

As the minutes stretch on, your panic intensifies. The room feels smaller, the air heavier, and you begin to scratch at your arms, hoping to erase the scars that have become a constant reminder of your pain. The act is born out of frustration, a desperate attempt to regain control over your emotions.

But the more you scratch, the more the scars stand out against your skin, marking the battles you've fought and the strength you've shown. The pain intensifies, both physical and emotional, and your nails dig deeper into your flesh.

Finally, Harry's voice breaks through the chaos in your mind.

"Love, please," he pleads once more. "I can't stand being separated from you like this. Please, open the door."

His words penetrate your fog of panic, stirring a flicker of clarity within you. You realise that shutting him out would only deepen the isolation you feel. With trembling hands, you reach for the lock, slowly turning it until the latch clicks, allowing Harry to step into the room.

Harry rushes toward you, his eyes wide with worry, and wraps his arms around you, pulling you close. Your breath hitches as he embraces you, his warmth and steady heartbeat serving as an anchor amidst the storm raging inside you.

But as the panic continues to surge, your scratching becomes more frantic, fueled by the desperation to rid yourself of the scars. Harry's eyes widen as he notices your self-destructive actions, his heart aching at the sight.

"Stop, love," Harry pleads, his voice filled with a mix of concern and determination. He gently grasps your hands, restraining them from causing further harm. "Please, you don't need to do this. Your scars don't define you. They are a testament to your strength and resilience."

Tears stream down your face as you struggle to find your voice amidst the overwhelming emotions.

"Harry," you manage to whisper, your voice trembling, "the fans... they laughed at me. I feel so exposed, so broken."

Harry's hold on you tightens, his voice filled with unwavering support. "Love, never forget what Elton John said in 'I'm Still Standing.' 'I'm still standing after all this time.' We've faced adversity together, and we've triumphed. We won't let their laughter dim your light."

His words wash over you, reminding you of the battles you've fought, the hurdles you've overcome. In that moment, you realise that their laughter, though painful, is a reflection of their ignorance, not your worth.

As Harry's arms enfold you, a newfound resolve begins to take hold. You slowly cease

Your frantic scratching, your nails no longer leaving trails of desperation on your skin. Instead, you allow Harry's touch to calm you, to remind you that you are not alone in this struggle.

As you gradually regain control of your breath, Harry's soothing voice fills the room once again. "You are beautiful, inside and out," he assures you. "Those scars are a part of your journey, a testament to the strength that resides within you. They are not something to be ashamed of."

With each word, the weight of the fans' laughter begins to lift, replaced by a growing sense of self-acceptance. You realise that their cruel taunts are not a reflection of your worth but a testament to their own insecurities and ignorance.

In that moment of revelation, you look into Harry's eyes, finding solace in his unwavering gaze. He pulls you closer, his embrace a shield against the world's judgments.

"You are loved," he whispers, his voice filled with conviction. "By me, by your fans, by all those who see the incredible person you are."

After the storm of emotions, Harry guides you to rest your head on his lap, finding comfort in his presence. He senses your need for warmth and reaches for a soft blanket that carries his familiar scent. As he carefully drapes it over your body, you feel an instant sense of security, as if his love and protection have enveloped you.

Harry pulls out his phone, his brow furrowed with concern. He dials Jeff's number, his voice steady but laced with an undertone of worry.

"Jeff, mate," he begins, "I need to talk to you. We can't continue with the show right now. (Y/N)s head is in a bad place, and she needs me here with her."

You hated letting the fans down as much as Harry did, but right now, you needed him, you needed him more than anything right now.

As he speaks, his free hand finds its way to your hair, his fingers gently running through the strands. The soothing motion sends waves of comfort through your body, easing the tension that had gripped your soul.

There's a brief pause as Jeff responds on the other end of the line. Harry's voice grows firmer as he continues, his protective instincts kicking in. "I know, Jeff, but she's my priority. We can't push her right now. She needs time and space to heal. I hope you understand."

You feel the weight of his determination, his unwavering commitment to your well-being. His words, spoken with conviction, serve as a reminder that you are not alone in this battle.

As the conversation with Jeff continues, your body begins to relax, the exhaustion of the emotional rollercoaster setting in. Harry's touch and his voice lull you into a state of tranquillity, your eyelids growing heavy.

You listen to Harry's voice, a mix of concern and reassurance, as he explains the situation to Jeff. The sound of his voice becomes a soothing melody, guiding you towards much-needed rest. The world outside the dressing room fades away, and in that moment, it's just you and Harry, wrapped in a cocoon of love and understanding.

With Harry's presence anchoring you,drifting you into a peaceful slumber, your mind dances on the edge of consciousness. Harry's comforting presence lingers, filling the room with a sense of love and security. In the hazy realm between wakefulness and dreams, you hear his soft voice whispering.

"I love you," Harry murmurs, his words like a gentle caress against your skin. His declaration of love resonates deep within your heart, a reminder that you are cherished and adored.

In the quiet of the room, Harry's fingers trace the scars on your forearm from when you hit the ground and the skin collided with the concrete of the floor, resulting in a skin graft on both arms, with delicate reverence.

His touch is tender, his love evident in every stroke. With each pass of his fingers, you feel a mixture of vulnerability and acceptance, knowing that he sees beyond the scars and embraces every part of you.

Touched by his gesture, you shift slightly, gazing up at him through half-closed eyes. The love shining in his eyes mirrors the love you hold in your heart.

A smile tugs at the corners of your lips, and in a soft voice filled with gratitude, you whisper, "I love you too, Harry."

His lips curve into a gentle smile, and without hesitation, he leans down to press a loving kiss against the scars on your arms. The warmth of his lips against your skin sends a rush of emotions cascading through your veins—a blend of love, acceptance, and healing.

In that tender moment, you realise that Harry's love is not conditional. It extends far beyond the physical, embracing the entirety of who you are—scars and all. With his unwavering support, you find the strength to embrace your own journey, to let go of the pain inflicted by others' judgement.

As Harry's lips leave a trail of love and reassurance upon your scars, you feel a renewed sense of self-acceptance. You understand that love has the power to heal, to transcend the wounds of the past. With each kiss, Harry affirms that you are worthy of love and that your scars are a testament to your strength.

In the warmth of his embrace, you feel a newfound sense of peace settle within you. The doubts and insecurities that plagued your mind are replaced with a quiet confidence, knowing that you are loved unconditionally.

One thing was for sure though.

Just like the legend that is Elton John Said:

I’m Still Standing.

In fact you were standing better than you ever had, with the support of friends and family and the one man you don’t think you could ever stop loving.

You were starting to look like a true survivor, and not so much a little kid when you got overwhelmed looking at the scars on your arms from the impact of the accident.

“I’m Still Standing…” you whispered , voice slightly scratchy.

Harry smiled, letting out a small sniffle, “— yeah you are baby…yeah you are.”

[eilishalways]

Hiii! So i see that you are taking requests, would you mind writing about billie being jelous? Thanks 😊

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

are you… jealous?

summary: billie gets jealous of your date, and decides to crash it.

warnings: none i think? tell me if i missed any!

a/n: ofc!! AAAAA MY FIRST REQUEST IM SO HAPPY

“and she’s taking me out for dinner tonight as well! isn’t that so sweet of her?” you said into the phone, waiting on billie’s response. billie sighed, but you didn’t hear. “yeah, that sounds nice,” she said, hiding her displeasure at the news, “what restaurant is it?” “it’s a surprise, apparently.” you giggled. “look, uh- i’ve got to go. talk soon?” billie said abruptly. “oh, ok. talk to you soon billie!”

billie hung up and put her phone down on her pillow. “why not me?” she said out loud, “why that girl? i could treat y/n way better.” you had just gotten back with your ex two weeks ago. the girl had cheated on you and broke your heart, but came crawling back to you once the girl she had cheated with dumped her. billie had voiced her concerns when you told her, but you had refused to listen to her, saying that the girl had changed.

after about twenty minutes of scrolling through instagram, billie got a notification that you had gone live. she switched to her secret account and joined it. you were just chatting to your fans, nothing special. but billie stayed, hopeful for any information about your date. she watched you reply to comments your fans, smiling as you laughed. one fan then asked you about your love life, and billie knew she had to pay full attention now.

“what’s my love life like? well…” you started, “i actually have a date tonight! how about you guys help me choose what i wear?” you asked the viewers, hit with instant replies of “YESSS!!”. you beamed, and said you’d be back in a second before running to your wardrobe, which was off camera. you came back with a few different options, and showed them to the camera. the viewers, including billie, cast their vote. the overwhelming majority was option 2, a red minidress. you thanked your fans, and soon got back to chatting to them. billie stayed til the ends of live, and when you turned it off, billie put her phone down and sighed yet again. she lamented how jealous she was, wishing it was her taking you out on a date, not that horrible ex of yours. and soon, a plan came to mind.

“thank you for doing this, zoe.” billie said, smiling at her friend. zoe smiled back, “no bother.” she said. billie had managed to find out what restaurant you were at by looking at some photos you had posted from inside the restaurant and some other stalking she did. she entered the establishment without any paparazzi noticing, much to her relief. if things went as planned, she and zoe would be placed near you, if not beside you. she looked around at the ceiling, floor and general aesthetic, confirming to herself she was at the right place. then, she saw you. red minidress with matching makeup and shoes; you looked amazing. you were looking at your ex with a sort of love that made billie sick to her stomach with both worry and envy. zoe spyed you too, asking the waitress if her and billie could be seated in the right hand corner or near it, where you and your ex were. the waitress complied, bringing her and billie to a table diagonal from you.

billie and zoe sat down, and billie snuck a glance at you, careful to make sure it went unnoticed. you looked beautiful. billie looked back to zoe and began chatting with her, stealing glances every now and then at you. the waitress came over five minutes later and billie and zoe ordered. after a while, they got their food and began eating. “so,” zoe started, “is it… working?”. she gestured subtly with her head towards you. “man, how am i supposed to know?” billie said, “but i hope so.”

you said something to your date and headed to the bathroom. billie saw this and smirked at zoe. “i’ll be back in a bit.” she said. she walked to the bathroom, just a little bit behind you. she stood awkwardly in one the stalls, waiting for the creak of your stall door. when she heard it, she walked out of her stall and pretended like she hadn’t been stalking you and didn’t know you were there.

“oh hey y/n! didn’t expect you’d be here.” billie lied, smiling at you. you didn’t give the same reaction. “what do you think you’re doing?” you said angrily, staring at billie. billie feigned innocence, asking what you meant. “don’t act all innocent. why are you here? why can’t you leave me alone for one night?” you hissed. billie frowned, but didn’t say anything. “you always do this, billie. any time i’m trying something new with someone, you get in the way of it. it’s so annoying. i wish you would just-“ you stopped yourself, hitting a realisation point. “wait…” you laughed as you looked at billie’s guilty expression. “are you… jealous?” billie looked down, not saying a word. you laughed again. and then billie spoke.

“yes, ok? i am. i am fucking jealous, y/n. i’m jealous because i’ve liked you since i met you, and i’ve had to watch you get your heart broke and i’ve had to fix you up just for you to go back to bitch who did the damage to you! i could you treat you so much better. i could-“

billie was cut off by the feeling of your lips on hers. she jumped out of surprise, but quickly returned it. she was happy, finally.

[luvhughes43]

bullshit on the internet | jack hughes x reader

suki waterhouse masterlist - luvhughes43 masterlist🌷

summary: y/n and jacks relationship is new, and his past relationship with a model over-shines his new relationship. fans are always asking for jack and his ex to get back together, which leaves reader feeling stuck in a relationship thats not hers.

lyrics: "i saw you were with her only last night, i got caught up by your picture in a headline" & "it looks like you love her online" & "when they want you back together like a movie, then i wonder, is there any room for me?"

Note: for context purposes jacks ex gf is going to be named alice

word count: 1k 

1 year earlier

present day

jackhughes just posted !

jackhughes

Liked by y/nuser, trevorzegras, and others

jackhughes my girl❤️

tagged: y/nuser

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trevorzegras YOU HAVE A GF??

colecaufield u literally knew about this

trevorzegras yeah i know i just wanted to be dramatic

fan01 we want u with alice not whoever this is

y/nuser in love with u actually

jackhughes i love you the most actually

fan02 pls get back together with alice😭🙏 u guys were perfect

hockeyfan01 great now get back on the ice!

fan03 not the hard launch😭 she's so pretty tho😭💗

lhughes_06 congrats man

*liked by jackhughes

aliceoffical

Liked by alanabc, stellajones, and others

aliceoffical on the cover of vogue💋

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dioralice LOMLS SO PRETTY 

fan04 congrats girly💗💗

lilyrose_depp insanely gorgeous

fan05 have u seen jacks new girl? Youre so much prettier u two need to get back together

*liked by aliceoffical

fan06 prettiest girl in the world

y/nuser

Liked by jackhughes, lhughes_06, and others

y/nuser early morning⛅️

tagged: jackhughes

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jackhughes ❤️❤️

*liked by y/nuser

fan07 BREAK UP WITH JACK!!!

yourbff prettiest girl💗 i miss u

fan08 there’s no way he left alice for her😭

fan09 we want our fav couple back

You and Jack had been dating for a few months. You knew he was in a very public relationship with a model before he started dating you and you didn’t mind. Not until you and Jack went public and all of the internet seemed to be against your relationship. You never blamed him for having a past with Alice, but being constantly reminded that nobody wanted to see you and Jack together… It hurt. You weren’t sure why you haven't limited your instagram account yet, or why you didn't just go private. it was hard not getting caught up with what you saw online, and if there were going to be news articles and twitter pages posting about his past relationships, they may as well comment on your page too. 

Jack was away for a game in Alice's home city when you got the twitter notification. 

You turned off your phone and closed your eyes. You knew Jack was still friends with some of his exes, but with Alice it felt different. You knew they were serious before, and you couldn’t help but wonder that if he could, if he’d run off with her. 

There were a bunch of different narratives floating around. Talking about how Alice is Jack's true love, and that they were destined to be together. You couldn't lie, after once again going down a rabbit-hole and looking at all the photos of them together, you couldn’t deny how in love they looked. 

jack❤️: Did you see the photos of me and alice?

jack❤️: I only agreed to meet with her because of all the press. I don't want them talking about us getting back together. I made it clear to her that we’re over

jack❤️: I love you

y/n: I know. It's all just bullshit on the internet. I love you too. travel safe

jack❤️: I love you more. I'm really sorry about all of this. I’ll see you soon

When Jack finally got home things were different. you finally felt good in your relationship after the rough week when he was away.

“I’m really sorry about everything,” Jack reassured you for what seemed like the hundredth time. 

“I just… with Alice it’s different. I don't want you to see her again. It’s gotten worse” you look down at your hands so you could avoid eye contact with Jack.

“The comments have gotten worse?” he asked, sitting up in bed to look at you. 

“Yeah… I just, they want you guys back together so badly. It’s literally like a movie Jack,” your laugh was tense as you told Jack your true feelings. “I just don’t know if there’s room in your life for me,” you whisper after a brief pause and you feel Jack tense next to you.

“Pass me your phone,” Jack said, holding out one of his hands expectantly. You did as told and passed it over silently. He scrolled around for a minute, before showing you your own instagram comments causing  you to frown.

“I know what they’re saying about me” you were annoyed. Did he want you to be more upset?

“No look at the accounts” he said.

“I don’t get it,” you stated, pulling your phone back into your grasp and scrolling through more comments.

“Do you know any of these people?”

“No…” 

“Then what they’re saying shouldn’t matter. I’ve moved on from Alice, i’m with someone who I love” Jack cooed, reaching a finger up to touch your cheek causing you to smile. “There’s only room in my life for you. You’re the one I want y/n. I’m not reading these comments and agreeing with them. I text you, or I come home to you and I think I am so lucky to have y/n in my life” Jack smiles and so do you. He takes your phone back and disabled your instagram comments, and then limits his own. “I’m not going to let anyone make you feel like you don’t belong with me” was all he said as he started playing with your social media settings.

You sat back and admired the man you loved.

In the morning you and Jack laid in bed, your head resting on his chest as he combed your hair with his fingers. you felt so alive when you were with Jack. You could feel the little bubbles of happiness and excitement whenever you were with him. 

you moved to sit up, looking down at Jack you smiled and he smiled back up at you. “morning” he mumbled as he trailed his hand down your shoulder and arm. “good morning” your smile widened as you leant down and kissed him on both of his cheeks. 

you didn’t check your phone for the few days you stayed with Jack at his apartment. you were on a high, and you couldn’t believe how melancholy you’d get when you were feeling low.

[luveline]

jade!! i have a rooster request (ty if you do it, love u if u dont! ur my queen). i feel like rooster doesn't uh, relax a lot? so maybe making him chill out with a face mask or something? love u!

tysm for requesting, love u ♡ fem!reader

Bradley sits back against the headboard of his bed, listening to your quiet movements in the bathroom with that 'I'm so lucky' feeling coursing rampant through his veins. 

The bed is made —though the corners aren't as neat as Bradley would tuck them— the windows open, a box fan breezing the smell of a triple wick candle his way. Vanilla, coconut, and almond. 

He's trying to think of ways to pay you back for it while you're gone. You don't like accepting repayment for anything, not dinner, not stamps for your copious letters, nothing. He might tuck a twenty into your purse. Better yet, he might ask you to get married, have a portion of his wages wired to your account whenever he fancies. 

That way, you might miss him less. And he'd be much less stressed, if tonight is anything to go by; not because of your cleaning, which he is grateful for, but because your presence feels like a balm for bad nerves. You turn the corner into the bedroom with a muted blue pot in hand and his pulse genuinely slows. 

"Bradley," you say, opening your mouth to propose something. 

"Y/N," he says, putting his hands out to receive you, pulling you over his extended leg to sit across from him. You fold your legs underneath you, taller than him for once.

"Did you wash up when you got home?" 

"Clean as a whistle," he says, eyeing the pot with curiosity, and your dainty vest top with something else. "Want me to prove it?" 

"Do you want to do this with me?" you ask, placing the pot in your palm to show him the dark writing spanning the side.

"Clay Mask." He raises his eyebrows. "For my face?" 

"Yeah. It has chamomile and lavender, so the smell might be a bit cloying for you, but it's…" You tap the lid and shimmy closer, the sheets crinkling under your knees. This close, he can see the triangles of your lashes. The urge to brush them up rises. "Don't entertain me, okay? If you don't want to do it and this will actually make you more stressed, don't say yes. But if you're okay with it I think we could really chill." 

"I'm not half as stressed out as you think I am." 

"Well, half of your stress is triple a normal person's." 

Bradley puts his arms behind his head and tries to give his muscles a subtle flex. You know him too well, rolling your eyes fondly as his biceps dance. 

"It'll definitely relax me if you put it on me," he flirts. 

Your smile is impossible to hide. "You can close your eyes, yeah?" You shuffle closer still as he complies, the gentle hum of sound complimented by the quiet in and out of your breath and the shushing of of your plaid pants rubbing against his as you lean into his space. "It'll be cold," you warn. 

Bradley smiles. "Just lay it on me, sweetness." 

You unscrew your pot. After a moment, he senses your hand, and then cold spreads against his cheek in a soft lump. You smooth it down flat over the planes of his face, melting his heart with the care you show his scars. They were healed years before you met and still you worry you'll hurt him as your fingertip glides over his chin. The smell is heady but with a little hint of sweetness to tide it over.  

It could smell of chicken shit and he'd stick it out just to feel you touching him like this. 

"Do you ever wonder what your top lip looks like?" you ask as you paint the skin either side of it. 

"Nope. You like the stache, babe, you know you do." 

You sit back on your heels. Bradley opens his eyes, his skin cold and sticky. 

"How do you feel?" you ask. 

"Better already." And it has nothing to do with the face mask. He couldn't care less about how corny it is, but you've really made him feel better with your touch alone. 

"Will you do mine?" you ask. 

"You kidding? C'mere." 

He's halfway through painting your face when he starts to feel stiff around his mouth. "What's happening?" he asks, batting down his alarm. 

"It dries solid," you murmur, trying not to move too much under his touch. "Gotta wash it off." 

The mess of clay and water that runs down his arms as he does is enough to put his stress levels back where they were, but your soft laughter from beside him makes up for it. "Looking fresh, Bradshaw." 

He gets clay on his lips trying to kiss you. 

[princess-from-another-galaxy]

I watched both parts of Lucas documentary and am so heartbroken. This incident has changed him so much, he's unrecognizable and in not the best way. This incident has killed his spirit and light you can tell he went through major depression and struggles mentally still. His self confidence has disappeared, he can't hold eye contact anymore. He's probably never going to be the same again. It's like night and day.

Can you please elaborate in just the part where Lucas exposed these crazy fans? I've followed the incident since day one but faded off so don't know how he exposed them at some point. Some people are saying that is the apology he is giving rather then admitting the rumours so It'd be great for that elaboration if not quick summary. I missed out on that time frame and would be so proud if he tried to expose the crazy stalkers. They're fkin insane, it's repulsive behavior.

Lucas (even by his own admission) had always been rather rude and aggressive with sasaengs (as he should!). A few days before the scandal broke out, he actually posted a pic on bubble of flymetothemoon (there's a 0 instead of an o there somewhere, but I can never remember where... sorry).

Anyway, after that that's when the rumors started. Originally just that he was a gold digger and cheated. SM did what they always do and made him give a vague apology. The day after, another accuser came out saying he allegedly also gaslight his gf's, I don't believe it was ever clarified how or about what he supposedly gaslight them. (Then a dude also came and accused him of dating and cheating).

After that, the dude's account disappeared (right after he said it wasn't true), and after awhile one of the accounts was sold and another turned out to have been a marketing account all along.

And now we're here.

A few hours/a day before the doc dropped, Lucas opened new official social media accounts (for his work as solo artist supposedly), and flymetothem0on was seen on weibo saying things that very clearly gave off the impression that she was directly involved in the scandal.

She is a known NCT sasaeng. Started stalking Mark when he was like 15 (still an SM rookie), has been known to stalk Yangyang, and just recently has began to stalk a member of NCT Wish, who is also a minor. So yeah....

And about what Lucas looks like, he went through a lot, including depression and suicidal thoughts, it's understandable that the experience has changed him. But it seems like his family and friends have his back and as his fans we should try to as well!

Sasaengs have way too much power in the K-pop industry. It's about time people started standing up to those disgusting excuses for people!!

EDIT!

Someone made an actual time-line that is more accurate than my vague recollections of the past few years! So here you go!!!

Also apparently there were multiple sasaengs that made the accusations, I had forgotten about that cause fttm0 is the worst one

[leclerced]

Imagine, fans going crazy that lando follows someone who does only fans. Then on stream someone asks him about it and he’s like “considering I was in some of the vids it would be kinda rude not to follow her” and they don’t believe him “wait here, I’ll go grab her” and she is ready to defend her man

STOP i literally got an idea for a fic where one of them is dating a cam girl but my idea was she’s anonymous, doesn’t show her face at all, so her and bf make sex tapes and laugh ab how no one knows its an f1 driver and his wag. i was thinking red bull seb, like him and his girlfriend having a secret porn blog on tumblr before it was banned?? he’d be so into it, knowing everyone in the world wants to fuck him and his girl already, but also the dirty secret that is their sex tapes are floating around all over the internet? thousands of notes on every post? they love the attention. i know that would be way before onlyfans but i miss pornblr. i have another similar idea i wanna talk about but its unrelated so if yall wanna know lmk.

i love this though. lando’s just like friends with benefits with her or they're actually dating maybe ?? he asked if she’d ever wanted like a costar for her home films. she says she’s thought about it, people have requested it, but she's happy with lando. plus it’s hard to find someone to work with that she trusts and is attracted to and he’s immediately offering himself up. they’ve done like three videos together, all of them with him holding the camera as he fucks her or she sucks him off so they can keep his face out of the shots. it’s been awhile since she posted them, like months, but they’re still her most popular videos.

gonna pull straight from the stream and how his friend asked if he’d ever thought about doing onlyfans and it sounds like little lando says “i’d do it.” but imagine instead he says, “oh yeah, i’ve done it.”

queue everyone freaking out asking what he means. they're all saying he hasn’t, there's no way possibly could have. someone in chat mentions the cam girl he follows, and someone in stream reads out her name. lando's like "yeah that's her!" they start taking the piss out of him because no one believes it. they're teasing him about crushing on her and waiting for the follow back. he just says he'll be back and mutes himself while he goes off cam for a minute. they all go silent when he returns with her in tow and pulls her down into his lap. she waves at the camera then leans in like she's going to kiss him so the mic will hear her clearly and says, "i can confirm he has done it. also i follow him back off my private account not my business account."

she was already popular, but her page is suddenly number one because everyone wants to see how lando fucks. wouldn't be too hard to find either since he's the only one on her page. his team tries to scrub it from the internet but he can't find it in himself to care, even when sponsors threaten to pull funding because they don't want a porn star tied to their brand and image, even if its golden boy lando norris and his hot as hell girlfriend.

[ilyasorokinn]

i'm in love with you , ross macdonald

note, this is my first ever thing for ross or ever even broaching this fandom, so please be nice! i'm nice i promise! pair, ross macdonald x reader summary, y/n y/l/n and ross macdonald being in love for 10 minutes straight, or some cute moments in y/n and ross' relationship. warnings, mentions of quarantine, getting a tattoo (nothing graphic) (lmk if i missed anything) word count, 3289 words

(gif not mine)

If people knew Ross MacDonald, they knew you too. You and Ross had been together since the beginning of time, or at least long before the first album came out.

You and Ross were complete opposites which was what made you both so perfect together. Where he was quiet and a little more introverted, you were much more outgoing and extroverted. You were the golden retriever and he was the black cat.

Fans noticed the sweet moment between you, so edits were made, and of course video compilations.

Ross MacDonald and Y/N Y/L/N being in love for 10-minutes straight

The first clip was one fans knew very well. It was originally posted on Matty's Instagram and then later reposted on every 1975 fan account known to man.

You usually went to the first couple of shows with them, but due to scheduling conflicts, you couldn't make it to the first couple of shows like you normally would for the "At Their Very Best" tour.

Unbeknownst to Ross s, your schedule cleared up so you worked with the band to surprise him.

The video started and the first shot was of Ross' back as he and Matty walked down the hotel hallway toward Ross' room. The camera flipped quickly back to Matty who gave the camera an exasperated face as Ross continued to drone on about something.

"Ross, just open the door," Matty begged.

Ross raised a brow but opened the door and was greeted to balloons all over the ground before you popped up from behind the bed, "Surprise!" You shouted.

Ross stared at you trying to decipher if you were real and if you were actually there. "What?" Was all Ross said before he dropped his stuff on the ground and tackled you onto the bed and hugged you.

The short video ended right as you pulled away from the hug to cup his face and pull him in for a kiss.

The next clip was taken by a fan. It was a little grainy and the fan's hands were shaking but Ross was clearly in the shot and he could be seen looking up to the higher level of the theater up to someone.

The camera then panned up and when the camera focused, you were the person Ross was talking to from the stage. Matty was talking on stage and Ross was trying to be as inconspicuous as he could as to not draw attention up to you but it wasn't working.

You waved and he waved back discreetly. You drew a heart and blew him a kiss, laughing when he looked away, seemingly embarrassed.

"Y/N!" Matty shouted into the mic, making the crowd go wild when they realized you were there, "Stop distracting Ross!" He looked up at you on the balcony as everyone laughed.

"Sorry!" You shouted back with a laugh, waving to the crowd and blowing them a big kiss.

Something the band did before they went on stage showed what they were doing behind the scenes, leading up to them walking on stage.

So, fans went wild when everyone first showed up on the big screen, all in the green room, getting ready to head on stage. The camera panned around the room and you could feel the walls vibrate when the camera panned over to Matty.

You were listening to whatever Matty was talking about while also tying Ross' tie. You took a step back and looked at him, "Good?"

"Good." You gave him two thumbs up. You were both unaware of the camera filming you, both too stuck in your own little world. You reached up and wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled, leaning into his neck.

He hummed, wrapping his arms around your waist, "I'll see you out there." He pulled away, a smile on his face.

"Yeah, and if you don't, it's cause I'm getting funnel cake." You joked and he laughed, "I saw a funnel cake stand when we were walking around."

"You gonna save me some?" You nodded, "All right, I'll see you after."

"See you after." You both met halfway and kissed, "Be awesome rockstar." You pulled away and cupped his face.

No one could tell what either of you was saying, but they could tell that it was filled with love and that you both were in love. You pressed a kiss to his lips quickly before stepping away and waving.

The clip then switched over to a picture of you and Ross that you had posted. It wasn't anything special, just a sweet photo of you and Ross after an award show, looking nice and dressed up. Your arm was looped through his as you both smiled sweetly for the camera.

The photo was just something to look at while audio from a podcast you had done played in the background.

"I'm curious, and I know a lot of other people are curious too, what is it like dating a musician who is as high profile as Ross?" The host, Katya, asked.

You nodded, "It's a question I get asked often." You smiled, "But I never mind answering it and I'll answer it as honestly as I can. I don't know anything else."

"Really?" The other host, Lily asked.

"Yeah, he's my first serious boyfriend, and we've been together since, like, 2011, like a year before their first album went public. I had like middle school and high school boyfriends, but it was never as serious as it is with Ross."

"That's crazy," Lily commented.

"I know, it is. But, it really is the only thing I know. The long breaks, the tours, the getting recognized every so often." You shrugged, "But the one thing that I never take for granted is because we do long distance for such a long period of time, it just makes us cherish the time we do get to spend together."

"That's so sweet." You blushed as they both cooed.

"So, having been there since the beginning of the release process, what was that like?"

"Crazy, after Sex came out, everything went so quickly and I barely had time to comprehend. Then their first album came out and I felt like a chicken without a head for a good year after." They both laughed.

"So, they really went from being not famous and working normal jobs to almost the entire country knowing their names and their songs."

"Yeah, and it was a little scary at first, not gonna lie." You all shared a laugh, "But seeing how far they've all come, I'm proud, really. I feel like a proud mom."

"So, do you have a favorite song?" They both laughed when you gasped.

"You're trying to get me in trouble." You shook your head, "Um, not really I love them all equally."

"But off the record?"

"Off the record..." You blew out a breath, "Chocolate."

"Chocolate." You nodded.

"Good choice." Katya reached across the table and gave you a high five.

The next clip was a series of photos taken by the paparazzi. You didn't get paps taking pictures of you often, but when you did, it was usually you two together, and it was something sweet.

The first photo is of one of you two caught at dinner, sitting together. It's a real cliche. You were sitting across from each other with a candle in front of you, holdings hands from across the table and looking at each other like the other hung the moon.

The next was one that floated around Twitter for a while. It was a photo taken outside of a bar where the band was throwing an after-party after one of their shows, and you were in the middle of hopping bars when the photo was taken.

You were all waiting for Matty as you stood outside. You were wearing a tank top and had left your jacket in the car and it was cold, so Ross, being the good boyfriend, stood close to you and wrapped his jacket around you and managed to keep you warm.

The last in the dump was one even you posted. It was you and Ross at the airport. George was seen in the back, but the main focus was you and Ross.

You were walking beside him, on the opposite side of where all the cameras were. You both had sunglasses on to cover the bags from jet lag. You were carrying a small bag while Ross carried a backpack and dragged along two suitcases and if fans looked close enough, they would be able to read the luggage tags with your name on them.

The next clip was taken by a fan, again. The fan was waiting in line at a meet and greet the band was doing. The group in front of her moved and the fan who was filming walked up, handing her phone to the other person she was with.

The first person at the table was Matty. She got her CD and vinyl signed before making it to the end where Ross was, "Hi." She smiled nervously.

"Hello." He smiled, grabbing the sharpie and signing her items. As he signed her items, she pulled out a bracelet from her bag. It was a little bracelet she had made for you with your initials and a heart with cute colored beads.

He looked up from the signing when he was done, "What's that?" He asked, a smile on his face.

"I made a bracelet for Y/N." The girl answered, a smile on her face when Ross laughed.

"Did you? Oh, my." He gasped when she handed it to him, "Oh, she's gonna love it. She loves little bracelets, especially when it's homemade."

"That makes me happy." She beamed.

"Would you like a picture?"

The next photo that flashed on the screen was from your story and it was a photo of you smiling while wearing the little bracelet the fan had made you.

The caption read 'Thank you to the fan who made this for me! I love it so much and love you all!'

The photo then transitioned into a video taken by one of the cameramen who works at the concerts. it was a clip that went viral in the world of The 1975.

About You was a popular song on the album and it had gone viral so most fans knew it. Most of the time, on tour, Polly sang it, Carly sang it, and while you weren't a member of the band, you could sing.

Occasionally Ross would come home and tell you about a song they were working on and you would give your input and he would take it back to the band, so you were an unofficial member of the band.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please help me welcome a very special friend to us all, in her first live performance ever, Mrs. Ross Macdonald herself," At that, the crowd went wild, "Miss Y/N Y/L/N!" You walked out onto the stage, waving to the crowd before hugging Matty and Adam.

You waved to the band, blew Polly a kiss, then met Ross halfway across the stage. You hugged and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before waving to the crowd again.

"You ready, Y/N?"

"So ready." You nodded, giving him a thumbs up. The music started. and you felt every nerve in your body go off. Ross kept glancing back at you, and when he finally caught your eye, he smiled.

You smiled back and took a deep breath. You closed your eyes as you sang the bridge, almost in your own world, "And there's something about you..."

Another video from a fan from a different angle was added. It was first on you, then moved across the stage over to Ross who was watching you, a smile on his face and what could only be described as the look of love on his face.

"...I never know what to think about." You opened your eyes and everyone went insane. You then became aware of just how many phones and cameras were pointed at you and smiled shyly.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Y/N Y/L/N!" Matty shouted into the microphone, making the crowd again go wild. You waved before blowing air kisses to the crowd and hugging Ross again.

"How was that?" You asked nervously.

"So good." He kissed your forehead briefly before pulling away and hugging Matty and Adam. Before leaving the stage, you blew more air kisses to George, Polly, and the band on the set's second floor.

"She's so great, isn't she?" Matty spoke into the microphone once you were off stage, and you could hear the crowd from backstage in response to his question.

The next clip was a photo and video you had posted on your Instagram. It was no secret that Ross was covered in tattoos, so after you and Ross were sure and discussed it, you decided to get matching tattoos.

It wasn't anything drastic or anything too flashy, but it was something simple you had decided on. It was just each of your initials and they were in each of your handwriting, so you wrote the first letter of his name and vice versa.

The photo was you standing side by side, your hands in the frame so it showed the initials tattooed on your hands. It was small and not really noticeable unless you really looked for it.

The photo then transitioned into a video of you and Ross getting your tattoos. You were sitting in chairs next to each other. His hand was in your lap and it was clear with the way you weren't talking and the look, you were nervous. Ross knew this, so he did his best to comfort you from the chair next to you.

"Did you know flamingos sleep standing up?" Ross asked, trying anything to keep you calm.

"Yeah." You nodded.

"Did you know that giraffe's tongues are pink?"

"Ross Macdonald, I love you, but you are stressing me out." You glared at him.

"All right, I tried." He raised his hands in surrender, "You still doing good though?" He asked.

"I'm good." You reassured, "Can we turn on some music or something?"

The comments were crazy after you posted it. They all found it cute that Ross was trying to comfort you with random animal facts and found it cute that you were getting matching tattoos of your initials.

The next was a series of videos taken by fans from the same show. You were outside in the front of the building they were performing, a big bouquet of flowers in your hands.

You were smiling and waving to fans, "Hi, oh, my goodness." You gasped, “It’s so nice to see all of you.” You stopped by the barricade of the fans and took some pictures.

A fan handed you a sharpie and you started signing things that they held out. It wasn’t anything you were used to, so it was cool.

“Wow, this is new.” You laughed, “I’ve never had people ask for my autograph.” The group of fans whose items you were signing laughed.

"Are those for Ross?" The girl next to the fan who was filming asked.

"Yeah." You admitted, and they all gasped then all cooed about how cute it was, "Most of the time, the flowers in our home are for him, not that he never gets me them, but I like getting them for him whenever I can. It's a nice surprise." You shrugged, signing your name on someone's CD cover.

"Do you listen to The 1975?" Someone shouted as security led you inside the theater.

"Of course! They're my top artist every year on Spotify!" You laughed.

During quarantine, you were locked in your house obviously, so, while locked in your home, a cat had found its way into your backyard and had taken habitat in your flower patch in the sun.

You documented the whole process of you finding it, watching it from your kitchen window, then finally taking it in.

The first photo you posted on your story was a picture you had taken from your kitchen window of the cat, who at that point was nameless. The cat was laying in your flower patch in the sun.

The caption you had put on the photo was, "My flowers may be destroyed, but we have a new friend!"

The next video from your Instagram cat story was a video of Ross walking out into your garden, in his pajamas. You both approached the cat who was now standing by a tree in your backyard.

"Here, kitty." Ross cooed softly as he approached the cat with treats in hand. You stood back a distance, filming him as the cat hissed at him, "Geez!" Ross quickly retracted his hat as the cat practically pounced toward him.

"Be careful." You called out.

"Gee, thanks." He rolled his eyes. He held his hand out carefully with the food in it. The cat looked at it before approaching him and sniffing the food.

The cat then started eating the food out of his hand and once it was all gone, looked at Ross expediently, "Well, I guess that's a good sign." Ross turned around and headed towards the house.

The cat hopped off the ledge and followed him, "Ross..." You called out in awe that the cat was following him. He turned around and saw the cat trotting along behind him.

"I guess this is a very good sign." He shrugged, opening the door to your home and letting the cat enter before he followed.

The next photo was a photo of the cat snugging in Ross' arms with the caption, "Meet Biscuit!"

The last photo of your saga was a photo of Biscuit asleep on Ross' chest, who was also asleep, on the couch with the caption "Just a boy and his father".

A fan account had posted the photos you had posted of Ross and Biscuit and photos Ross had posted of you and Biscuit with the caption, "mom and dad are officially a mom and dad".

The last video you and Ross had posted together on your Instagrams. It was only a matter of time before you got married, and when you posted your engagement photos, the fans went wild.

It was a professional-looking wedding video. It started out with you and Ross standing in your hotel rooms, getting ready. The wedding, from what fans, could tell, was small with only your close friends and family.

A soft instrumental version of Robbers played in the background as you and Ross got ready. Your dress was zipped up while he straightened out his tie.

Then you were seen walking down towards a garden towards Ross, who was standing with his back to you, and it was clear at that moment, it was a video of your first look.

You smoothed out the front of your dress before taking a breath and reaching up to tap on his shoulder. He turned around and gasped, covering his mouth in shock.

After he got over the initial shock, he immediately wrapped you in a hug as he tried to sort out his thoughts. Nothing you were saying could be heard, but 'You look fucking amazing.' could be read falling from his lips.

The rest of the video was shots of you and Ross looking more in love than anyone could've thought, but the last shot of the video was a pan out from your seats at the reception.

You were sitting side by side, watching your guests on the dance floor with your head on his shoulder and his suit jacket around your shoulders.

-

add yourself to my taglist!

[hookhausenschips]

Burning Rubber

Chapter Four

F1 Masterlist

Burning Rubber Masterlist

Word Count: 2,930

Summary: Azha enjoying her girls vacation until a fight with Lando happens.

Warnings: talks of dangerous acts, tiddies, Brazil GP, nakedness

previous part next part

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Asha’s POV

It’s been two weeks since I was at the Grand Prix in Austin. I flew back home afterward and spent some time with family. Going to car meets, seeing old friends, and just enjoying life offline. But here I am on a plane with my two best friends heading to the islands to start my summer break. Ever since the Grand Prix, so many people have followed my account and my comments are flooded. Some are worse than others, especially the Lando girlies. They don’t bother me but I’ve had to limit my comments or just turn them off in general. Thankfully my other account is private, but they’ve all constantly requested to follow. I sigh and look out the window of the private jet at the night sky. Soon those worries will be long gone and I will be soaking up the sun in a new place. Nova and Sariyah were fast asleep at the back of the plane. Lando and I have been talking a lot lately. Whether it’s both of us checking in on the other or just simple conversations.

I can’t deny I do miss his presence. His corny jokes, his smile, that boisterous laugh, everything I guess. He’s made an everlasting impact on my life without even trying. Speak of the devil, my phone lights up with his face. A FaceTime. I answer, “Hey, what’s up?” I ask quietly. “Just called to see how the flight’s going.” He shrugged. I could see he was in his hotel bed, wearing his infamous grey hoodie. “It’s fine I guess. Nova and Sariyah are asleep. I’ve tried but can’t seem to.” I reply. He nodded. “Sorry, I couldn’t come to Brazil,” I whispered. “It’s okay. Max, P, and the others are here. Although it’s not the same without you here.” He spoke. “Yeah, I saw that Max said he’d play Rich Baby Daddy if you win, think that’ll happen?” I ask. He huffed a laugh, “God I hope not. I would love a win of course but him playing that whether I’m on podium or after? Absolutely not.” I nodded smiling. “It’s a sprint again right?” I asked. “Yeah another one, the last one for the season. Thank god. Then two more races left.” He said. “Ah yeah, I heard about Vegas. You excited?” I said while getting comfy again in my seat. “I mean kind of? It’s Vegas so yeah that’s fun plus a circuit none of us have raced so there's potential for someone other than Verstappen to win.” He trailed off. “But?” I asked. “But I feel it’s going to be over the top just because it’s Vegas.” He sighed. I nodded, and we continued to talk about the upcoming race.

“I mean yeah the fans have been terrible but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve dealt with these things since I could remember.” I told him. “So that’s why you’ve turned off your comments?” He questioned. I nodded, “And on my stories too. I’ve had Kiara take care of that account. I’m going to take a break from it while I’m on my summer break. I’ll still be on the other one. Thankfully none of them have infiltrated that. Lord knows what would happen.” I said. “Yeah, you still haven’t taken me to the street life.” Lando changed the subject. “Well let me know your schedule and I’ll make it happen,” I say. “When are you three coming back?” “Um, I think after the Vegas Grand Prix unfortunately,” I reply. “Oh okay.” He whispered. “I’m sorry Lando. That’s the time we paid for out here.” I said even though the girls and I had planned on attending to surprise the Brit. “It’s okay, maybe after the race?” He asked. I nodded, “If it works for you.” Silence surrounded the call. It wasn’t an awkward silence, more like contempt. I could see he was fighting sleep, “Lando go to sleep. You can always call me later.” I whisper. He shook his head, “You’ll be busy on your girl’s vacation.” He spoke. I look up hearing a noise and see Nova sit down across from me. I look back to the boy on my screen, “You know I’ll always answer. You need the rest.” I say. “Just a few more minutes? I haven’t seen your face in forever.” He replied sleepily. “That was so cheesy. But okay fine, you get three minutes Norris and then I’m hanging up.” I smiled. All I heard were soft snores as a reply. I put my phone on mute and then placed it on the armrest of my seat.

Nova looks at me with a smirk on her face. “What?” I question her. “You like him.” She replied sitting back in her seat. “And what makes you think that Londyn?” I roll my eyes. “Well for one you two are so touchy feelly. Two, the way you look at him. Azha I haven’t seen you look at anyone like that since Giannis. And god you two are almost flirting whether either of realize you’re doing it or not.” She listed. Lando and I had always been touchy in our friendship since maybe day three. “I’m always touchy with everyone, you know touch is my main love language.” I counter. “You’re more touchy with him though. You two might not see it but you both are so into each other. You care deeply for him.” She spoke. “Nova, we’ve only been friends for what four months? Almost five? I don’t have feelings for Lando. I’m sure he doesn’t either. He could have any girl in the world, why would he choose a street racer/borderline criminal?” I replied. “So you’ve thought about it?” She smiled. I roll my eyes, “That’s not what I said.” I said beginning to get frustrated. “Can we just forget this and focus on our vacation? I have enough people criticizing or telling me things in my career and life. I don’t need you to start too.” I cross my arms and look back at my phone seeing the boy we speak of still asleep.

We finally landed in Jamaica at 12:30 pm, our first stop, and made it to our Air B&B. It was beautiful with a view of the ocean by the pool and jacuzzi. I text Lando congrats on Pole for the shootout after watching on the plane. Of course after falling asleep for a few hours. I went to my room and opened my suitcase to change into my bikini. Grabbing my neon yellow one I change into it and head down poolside with my phone. I sat on one of the sun beds then I texted Lando to see if he was free. My phone began to ring, and I answered immediately. “Hey Mr Sprint Pole.” I smiled. Lando was in his driver’s room still in his suit. “Hey yourself Miss Island Princess. How is it?” He asked. “We just arrived a few minutes ago. Here I’ll show you the view.” I say standing up and switching to my back camera. His eyes shined in awe, “And that’s from the pool?” He questioned. “Yeah. I mean it’s not Brazil. But it’ll do. Feels good.” I replied then turned the camera back around. “How is Brazil anyway? Having any fun, and no I’m not talking about the race.” I ask him. “It’s great, I can’t really complain.” He replied, I heard a voice in the background I couldn’t quite make out. “Hey, can I call you after the sprint? Gotta get going.” He said. “No yeah of course. Good luck and again, Congrats Lando.” I said. “Thank you, I’ll see you later.” He said. I said my goodbyes and hung up. Time to watch the sprint and soak up the Jamaican sun.

“Dude no fucking way you’re not going to be wifed up looking like that,” Sariyah said as she and Nova walked down to the pool. “If it’s not Lando I doubt she’ll fold,” Nova remarked. “Ooo do tell,” Sariyah replied as the two sat on the sunbather to the right of mine. I roll my eyes, “There’s nothing to tell. Nova is just talking out of her ass.” I told them. Then went back to watching the Sprint on my phone. I could hear the two whispering. “You’re not going to play matchmaker. We’re here for us. No guys, no drift racer bullshit, nada.” I told them, not taking my eyes off my phone. “So if I told you there was a car meet tonight, you would say no?” Sariyah inquired. I sighed. I could feel the two grinning knowing they already won me over. “What time?” I asked. “9:30 baby. Wear something hot.” Nova teased. Before they could say more I jumped up screaming. “P2!!! He did it! He got P2!” I cheered. As I jumped around I could hear Nova whisper to Sariyah, “Yeah she’s totally not into him.”

Later that night

Walking into the parking lot where the meet is I spot so many beautiful cars. It feels weird not showing up with our cars. We’re just spectators tonight. I haven’t been in that position in years. Nova grabbed my hand, “You look nervous. Relax it’s not like we’re racing for slips.” She spoke. “Nothing wrong with being cautious. Yeah granted we don’t have our cars but we don’t know anyone here. Something could pop off.” I replied. “We’re letting loose tonight. We’ll be fine babe.” Nova said. I nodded and sighed, here goes nothing.

The Next Day

Rolling over in my bed I groan, my joints aching. Thank god for no hangovers. I open my eyes to see the sun shining through the sliding door. How the hell did we get back? I sit up in bed trying to remember the night. What the fuck? I move the blanket to search for my phone, I hear a thud hit the carpet, and peek over the bed. I snatched it and tried turning it on. It flashed saying it needed charging. I groaned again and grabbed my charger. I sit back on the bed and watch as my phone powers on. Immediately it starts dinging repeatedly. I turn off the ringer. Many missed calls, texts, FaceTimes, dms. You name it. Most are from Lando, Ria, and Max in our group chat. I start to sift through the messages. I replied to them as much as I could, and then my phone started ringing. It was Lando. I answered and was met with his face twisted in worry. “Thank God you're okay. Do you not know how to use your phone?” He asked. “Lando, Lando slow down I just woke up. My phone was dead, I just plugged it in.” I replied. He finally looked at the screen and his face immediately turned pink, “Um. Azha you’re a little uh.” He stuttered. I looked at the screen where my picture was, I screamed hanging up and throwing my phone. Lando had just seen my naked chest. I didn’t even realize I was fully naked. I groaned and covered my face with my hands. How embarrassing. I mean it could’ve been worse, I remember once sending this random guy my nudes and certain videos while drunk on accident. Thankfully that guy wasn’t the type to post them everywhere. Okay, Azha just breathe you’re going to have to face him soon, get it over with now so it’s not awkward in the future. Before I could grab my phone to call him back the girls bust down my door.

“YOU SHOWED LANDO YOUR TITS??!” Sariyah yelled. I collapsed back into the pillows and yelled frustratedly into them. “It was an accident, how the fuck was I supposed to know I’m naked. I don’t even remember getting home last night.” I told them as they sat on the bed with me. “Wait how the hell do you know he seen them.” I inquired crossing my arms. “Max texted Nova who was asleep and I was using her phone to go through the videos and stuff from last night when the message came through. He said ‘Lando is freaking out, he seen Azha’s boobs on accident. He didn’t mean to and now he thinks she’s mad’ And I freaked out waking up Nova.” Sariyah explained. I could crawl into a hole and die. “Text him back and tell him that I’m not mad at Lando. And that I will call him back right now. You two have to be quiet though please.” I sighed. The two nodded and Nova replied to Max. Sariyah handed my phone back to me and I made sure I was covered by the comforter before calling Lando back.

“Azha I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have looked that was a total invasion of privacy.” Lando rambled and I could tell he was pacing in his hotel room. “Lando.” I spoke, “I understand if you’re upset, I would be too if someone just randomly seen my dick without the actual sex part.” He continued. “Lando,” I spoke louder as Nova and Sariyah covered their mouths to hide their giggles. “I mean they’re nice. I’m sure the piercings and tattoos hurt but they’re nice too. Oh god, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say that. Not saying they’re ugly but that’s the last thing I should be saying.” He rambled more. “Lando!” I yelled. He finally stopped and looked at his phone. “It’s fine. It’s my fault, I should’ve checked before answering. I’m not mad. Embarrassed and every other synonym? Yeah absolutely. Stop freaking out okay?” I say. “Also thanks for the compliment, they weren’t that bad. You should get some.” I teased, and he blushed again. I could hear Max, P, and Ria laughing in the background. “Were the tattoos a drunken idea?” He asked. I smiled, “No actually, it was either that or a tramp stamp from a dare years ago. So barbed wire hearts it was. Why get a tramp stamp when you could get a spine tattoo or full-blown backpiece.” I replied. “Anyways. As you can see, I’m alive. So are the girls, we’re fine no more worrying grandma.” “Yeah very much alive.” He replied sarcastically. I ignore his sarcasm. “Congratulations on the sprint by the way,” I say. “Quit changing the subject. You could’ve died last night.” He said, his eyes shined with frustration. “Lando I walk that line of death every time I sit down in my drift car or even just my cars when I’m street racing. You’re overreacting. See?” I explain propping my phone on the blanket and moving my arms. “Very much alive,” I say. “Azha you scared us last night. That’s not okay and to try and dumb it down like it’s nothing is literal insanity. Have fun on the rest of your trip.” He spoke, and before I could say anything he hung up. I look at Nova and Sariyah, “He’s overreacting right?.” I questioned the two. They looked at each other and then back to me, “Girl he might be right on this one.” Sariyah said passing me her phone showing the videos from last night, I played each one as my face twisted in shock and horror. Oh my god.

Today we are leaving Jamaica to surprise the group in Vegas for the Grand Prix. I haven’t talked to Lando since our fight damn near a week ago. If you could even call it a fight. More like just him trying to play dictator of my life. I texted him to wish him a happy birthday but all I got in response was being left on read. I don’t blame him but he can’t yell at me for my actions when it also applies to my racing, both kinds. He has no right to act like that. Yes, it was dangerous but I knew deep down I was safe. The street life with the right people is always safe because they make sure you’re safe. He wouldn’t understand that. Sariyah and Nova say I need to apologize, if I were in his shoes I would react the same way. But that’s the thing I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t tell someone how they should live their life or how to spend their vacation. I zipped up my suitcase and looked around the bedroom. We didn't go out much after that night. Well, I didn't, I stayed here at the villa either swimming in the pool, sunbathing, walking down to the beach, or lounging around the house. I didn't need the added stress of Lando trying to be my father once again.

A knock on the doorway interrupted my thoughts, “Hey you ready to go? The Uber is here.” Nova said. I nodded then grabbed my suitcase and followed her downstairs. “Have you guys talked yet?” she asked. I shook my head, “No not even a thanks when I wished him ‘happy birthday’. I can just feel how awkward this Vegas thing is going to be. Hopefully, he's gotten over it. I sure have.” I spoke as we climbed into the Uber. “Has he talked to either of you?” I asked the two. “Yeah he has,” Sariyah said. I nodded, of course. Why does that not surprise me, ignore me but talk to my two best friends. Whatever I'll just hang with Ria and P while we’re there. Try to avoid Lando as much as I can since he clearly also wants nothing to do with me.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 403: (But Just That One Part, Because I'm Not Caught Up)

Previously on BnHA: Truly no idea, but it kind of looks like Katsuki is riding some sort of spaceship, and everyone has gotten really, really sparkly. I see you all have been busy these past 22 months. Great job, keep it up.

Today on BnHA: “So it’s come to my attention that a truly shocking number of you are only reading this manga for a single character.” – Horikoshi Kouhei, October 2023.

so. where to start, lol

I guess I should open with an apology, because I am about to make a fairly selfish decision! what I am about to do, is post a reaction to Bakugou’s Return To The Manga. however, because I’m not caught up, I’m going to be reading this one scene completely out of context without knowing anything about what is going on. which means that I’m going to be missing out on god knows how many nuances and details, which means this reaction post will be short on those things as well. so basically I’m prioritizing my own personal gratification as a fan here even though it is 100% going to affect the quality of my reaction blog, and for that I genuinely am sorry. eventually I will finish catching up, and when that happens I will post a proper reaction with all the trimmings. that’s just how it is for now though

anyway so with that said, basically what I’ve done now is I have gone to the scanlation website, and clicked on chapter 403, and then scrolled down through most of the chapter while sort of half-looking away from my screen with my eyes squinted so that everything is mostly blurry, until I finally reached the big double-page spread with you-know-who doing his thing. namely, standing around on this giant glowy cereal bowl from the future, which appears to be either hovering up in the air, or slowly crashing onto the ground

and this right here, is exactly what I was rambling on about a moment ago. you guys I really am sorry to be doing this, because even I can tell this should be solemn and sincere moment of awe and excitement and relief. but because I completely lack any context whatsoever for wtf is happening, most of the dramatic impact is lost on me, and to tell the truth right now this page is a hell of a lot funnier than it has any right to be

like, so Deku. this boy is crying all the tears. I recklessly scrolled back up one page to see why, and it appears the answer is Because All Might Is About To Fucking Die (which, !??!?), so that’s actually VERY fucked up, and I’m sure I will have PAGES AND PAGES OF WORDS to say about all of that once I finally catch up properly. that is very traumatic and emotional and I will probably cry a lot about it

BUT, that being said, I just need you guys to know that without that context, Deku standing here with his giant head all >:O in the foreground, while Kacchan appears out of nowhere glowing with the power of a thousand suns and standing on top of this giant floating Smash Bros level that Nezu maybe probably built with his nine million dollars, is one of the wildest fucking things I’ve seen in my life. I feel like an accidental time traveler. you know when a character has one of those crazy prophetic dreams showing them chaotic glimpses of the future, and they’re just standing there all “???” because they have absolutely no clue what the fuck is going on? that is what it’s like right now

heh but there he is

“did you miss me, Izuku. back by popular demand after being on IR for 14 goddamn months. rebuilt better and stronger than ever thanks to the heroic spaghetti man wrapped tightly around my heart keeping me alive. just BnHA things. just a flesh wound. by the way, it’s me, Kacchan, just in case you didn’t recognize me on account of my still being really far away and completely covered by smoke, and also you thinking I was dead. here let me give you a close up to make this easier”

“fuck yeah. it really is me, btw. just in case you still couldn’t tell on account of me also being like 100x prettier than you remembered. guess it’s just that blindingly handsome character development”

also, “the end of an era” um hello, yes, what?? just what exactly have I missed here with all this All Might stuff?? because apparently All Might just prior to this was in some sort of mortal danger, is what I’ve been hearing, because everyone keeps posting excitedly about Kacchan showing up in the nick of time to save him? which incidentally makes my heart so incredibly fucking warm omg. it’s what both of them need AND deserve

why is everything so goddamn sparkly right now. this is like a Sailor Moon battle over here

love that look of instant recognition and shock and overpowering relief in Deku’s eyes though. also has he really been fighting in this cracked out OFA-overflowing mode this entire time?? he looks just like he did on the cover of volume 37. I still haven’t seen his actual canon reaction to the “death”, and I haven’t been keeping tabs on his fight with AFO??/Tomura?? at all, but I’m glad it looks to have been as emotional as I could have hoped

aw fuck yeah

his precious card. I’m now almost as invested in the saga of the All Might card as I am in all the rest of this. it’s all beat to hell, but somehow still made it through in the end. just like him

oh. my. g

protect them.

protect them all.

so is the reason this fight is so sparkly just because of OFA symbolism, then?? or is there something else happening here?? goddammit, okay, I‘m gonna very carefully scroll back to the beginning of the chapter, because I’m 100% positive there is some sort of deeply meaningful symbolic thing going on here and I’ll be damned if I miss out on it, spoilers or no

-- oh my goD??!

1. BABY ALL MIGHT WHAAAAAAT

IS THAT HIS MOM???? OH MY GOD DID WE GET ALL MIGHT BACKSTORY. oh my god. oh god. no actually don’t tell me, ahhhh I cannot fucking wait to read this properly, holy shit

so did something wind up happening to Mighty Mom later on then?? feels like it must have, since he wound up getting so attached to Nana? man I don’t want to think about any of that stuff after seeing this panel though :( just, damn it, why is this man’s whole entire life so goddamn fucking tragic

“the one thing I’ve done most is looking back to the path I took” my god I cannot wait to read this. only two short pages and I’m already buried miles deep into my All Might feels. came here for the triumphant Kacchan return and now I’m sitting here tearing up about All Might, god damn you Horikoshi YOU’VE STILL GOT IT. and I am STILL A SUCKER FOR ALL OF IT

anyway, so now back we go to the last couple of pages with this additional context, aaaaand...

...and apparently I’m now full-on crying about All Might! (: well how about that. turns out when you read the manual and follow the instructions properly this series still works exactly as advertised. don’t mind me I’m just sitting here sobbing because everything is exactly what I wanted and I apparently don’t know how to deal with that!!

THEIR FEELINGS BECOME WHAT?!?!?!

EVERYTHING IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED AND I’M GONNA BE A MESS ABOUT IT FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIME BECAUSE LIFE IS GRAND!!

ARE ALL OF THESE WATERY SPARKLES LIKE. DEKU’S FUCKING TEARS LMAO OR WHAT. HOW IS KACCHAN IN THE SPLASH ZONE. HOW ARE HIS TEARS HOLDING UP THE SPACESHIP. I DON’T UNDERSTAND A GODDAMN THING BUT THIS IS NOW OFFICIALLY A SHOUJOU MANGA, I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

the urge to ruffle baby Deku and baby Kacchan’s hair is so goddamn powerful you don’t understand. this is PRIMAL. they are SO happy and SO good and perfect. I’m gonna fucking die

there’s not even any dialogue. what the fuck are they even gonna say. their expressions say it all and more. also they are being kind to me because they know I’m not caught up so they don’t want to spoil me any further, thank you my sons

lastly, I guess, because I don’t really have anything else to add now that my brain has fully turned to sappy mush: so uh. I truly have not the slightest clue how or why, but. does Kacchan have OFA though. and why is the answer, “yes he definitely does.” ???

like, I don’t understand it, but I confess that by now I have spoiled myself on the last few pages of chapter 362 for reasons (those reasons being “I finally gave in and looked at them on purpose, because I’d already seen most of them out of context here and there, and my willpower is only so strong”), and so I know that this boy was talking to vestige!Might, and as far as I’m aware that is 100% not possible unless he has some sort of connection to OFA in some way so yeah

and now here he on this last page being all Profoundly Connected with Deku while they gaze into each other’s eyes, and I can’t help but notice that said eyes are all explodey and they look a LOT like Deku’s actually. and on top of that we have all of this All Might symbolism that I’m still crying about, so like? ???

anyway so I’m not going crazy here right? like this is definitely a thing? for whatever reason?? unless you guys know something here that I don’t. in which case I actually am asking to be spoiled fully just this once, because at this point I just need to know one way or the other and I don’t care lol

anyway so that concludes my thoughts I guess! so now my absurdly ambitious goal is to speed read the manga this next week and hopefully at least catch up to Kacchan’s “death”, so that I can better understand what’s happening when I inevitably wind up spoiling myself for chapter 404 as well. the plan right now is to still type up my liveblog notes as I go, but to not worry about posting or editing anything in between chapters. so I’ll have a big backlog of chapter recaps which I’ll eventually get to uploading whenever I can, but in the meantime I can participate more in the fandom side of things. since I really want to share all of my endgame theories and so forth, but in order to do that I really need to find out just what the fuck is actually going on lol, so yeah

[shenrickyz]

UNKNOWN

5 times seojun makes sure to look after jisung, and 1 time jisung returns the favor

FEATURING ᝢ kang seojun, park jisung, & nct dream ensemble. WARNINGS ᝢ 5+1 things, mentions of mark's graduation, overworking, and implications of depression. WORD COUNT ᝢ 9k  NOTES ᝢ okay okay so HIII!! first of all, this is for the biggest seoji fan ever aka @junjiie, also my bsf ever jj we all love you ☹️💟 second of all, this doesn't even scratch the surface when it comes to seoji, their dynamic is so intricate that i can't even to explain them bc i'll go crazy and start sobbing uncontrollably from how much i love them 😭😭 third, yes this is a 5+1 thing, going back to my ao3 roots and shit, you will never know the name of my account btw..🙁 just know there were a lot of weak hero things on there, i miss ao3 (i got locked out of my account), anyway, yeah this is a very experimental i wrote through many many all nighters and many iced coffees, but now it's done, seojun might be one of my fav nct ocs sorry zixin & niko 💗 seojun cutest person ever wbk!! okay bye bye dont crucify me pls 🙏

one

jisung is on one of his nightly walks again.

nightly walks around the dorm that is, he isn't about to go outside at one in the morning, one; because renjun would definitely kill him if he ever found, and two; he doesn't need fresh air right now.

jisung finds his own body confusing, he's tired, but can't sleep. the ground is practically stabbing his feet, but he's already walked seven circles around the couch in this short amount of time. he feels out of it, he craves something, not food, he's not hungry, he's not thirsty either, he doesn't know exactly he feels. he's sleepless, yeah, but sleep probably won't do the trick.

thoughts are rampant in jisung's mind, many thoughts. the fucking comeback, the hours of practice he's gonna subject himself to, the hours of recording they'll have to endure, the hours he's spent without even eating, how is he still alive? he might collapse onto the floor in this very moment and sleep just like that.

but instead of that, jisung (or his feet, he guesses) has other plans. he stops his tenth lap around the couch and beelines towards seojun's room, those thoughts still rampant in his mind as he starts his way there.

seojun always pulls all-nighters, he truly only needs 3 hours of sleep to thrive in this world (his words, not jisung's). the other doesn't really get how that's healthy, considering seojun's a dancer, and he's constantly up 24/7, sleep should one of his top priorities, jisung doesn't understand how he never gets tired, but he guesses the constant need to be doing something is a huge factor.

the light in his room is on, jisung can see from the crack under the door, and even if it wasn't on, seojun is always awake. he lightly twists the doorknob, peaking his head through the opened door.

seojun is, of course, doing like three things at once. he's cleaning his glasses, has a book open, and is singing along to a song playing in his mind. when he hears the door open, he glances up, smiling at the sight of his fellow 02 liner. "hi, what's up?"

jisung pauses, holding the door with his shoulder so he can use his right hand to scratch his arm, he shrugs, licking his lips. "can't sleep" he says easily, and seojun just hums, sitting up.

he doesn't say any more, patting the spot beside him on his bed, beckoning for jisung to sit with him. the younger doesn't think twice before closing the door behind him (gently though, because hikari has issues with noise). the moment he sits himself down with seojun, he feels comfortable, cozy.

"why'd you come to my room?"

"you were the only one awake".

a lie, a pretty obvious one too. jisung knows hikari is also awake, he usually gets plagued with sleeplessness when comeback preparations roll around. jisung doesn't really know why he lied, it's not like seojun would reprimand him or anything.

seojun doesn't need to know it was a lie, though.

"mmh" seojun looks back to his glasses, putting the napkin back in the case. "why can't you sleep, ji?" he asks, glancing down at the book he'd previously been reading.

jisung glances down as well, eyes focusing on seojun's bracelet. "i don't know.." he mutters, beginning to fiddle with seojun's blanket, his nose scrunched as he takes in a deep breath. "just thinking, i guess".

"ah" seojun puts on his glasses and shakes his head. jisung always thought seojun looked exceptionally pretty like this— not that seojun isn't usually exceptionally pretty, jisung just thinks he looks so good in this current state. somewhat messy hair, reading glasses on, no makeup, just.. seojun. "so what? you want me to read you a story or something?"

"no i just.." jisung pauses, scouring his mind for the right words to say. seojun's eyes go back and forth, between the younger and pages on the book before him. "i'm just— i'm thinking too much, i need to just sit down and be fine".

jisung doesn't really think the words make sense, but seojun gets it, and jisung can see that he does with the way his eyes soften. "so you just want to sit in silence?" he asks, fingers caressing the cover of the book in his hands. jisung's eyes follow seojun's fingers, humming lightly.

"not really.. can we just talk?"

"about what?"

jisung groans, covering his face with his hands. "i don't know just.. stuff" anything to distract him from his irritating thoughts, he doesn't want to think about the comeback, or the performance, or sm, or anything pertaining to that, he just wants to talk about stupid shit, talking with seojun will relax his mind. "just don't be quiet".

"well lucky for you, park, i'm a professional loud mouth".

oh do i know.

jisung makes himself comfortable, lying his head down on one of seojun's many pillows. the older simply smiles down at him, glancing back at his book and only skimming the page before turning it. "what's keeping you up tonight?"

"comeback thoughts" jisung answers immediately, getting only a small hum from the older. "i don't know, i'm nervous, anxious, worried that i'll slip up and put the whole group in jeopardy?"

his tone is questioning, like he's even confused on why he's having such thoughts, but seojun doesn't reply. the silence isn't a taunting silence, one where jisung can tell seojun is making fun of him in his mind, it's more of a silence of solace, jisung likes how the air in the room feels, his thoughts aren't yelling at him right now, they're silent, they don't bother him. "is that weird?"

"it's weird that you think you'll ever mess up" the park almost rolls his eyes at the kang's words, but he doesn't interrupt him. "you're an amazing member, jisung, you're talented, you never slip up, and you'd never bring down the group".

"you're just saying that to make me feel better.."

"i say it all the time, though" seojun adds, and jisung has to admit, he is right, but he wants to remain stubborn, wants to ignore his reddening cheeks. "and i mean it, ji, don't ever think about yourself like that, you're important, and everyone thinks so".

the words make jisung pause, he doesn't have an immediate answer for them. seojun is just so good at doing that, making him speechless. it's not like what he said was new or revolutionary, seojun says shit like this all the time, it's just something about him, not exactly his words.

seojun makes jisung feel things he can't explain.

jisung's silence doesn't bug the older, who just takes his hand, intertwining their fingers. "you— we'll be fine".

"we always are, aren't we?"

at the words, seojun snickers, unconsciously tightening his hold on jisung's hand. "yeah, we always are".

two

these days, jisung is easily tired.

maybe it's just the back to back promotions, having to learn five new choreographies and master them so he doesn't make a mistake on stage, so he doesn't upset any of the members. they're all having a rough time as well, he can't even begin to imagine how mark and donghyuck feel, knowing they have to do these promotions and also prepare for their upcoming 127 comeback (and apparently with a song they hate too, donghyuck is not a fan of sticker).

jisung just chalks up his exhaustion to the many hours he trudges around the practice room, doing the same dance seventeen times with minimal breaks, no sleep, then waking up and having to repeat the next day.

and jisung thinks it'll all be fine, because he has never actually ever been behind. if he has to force himself to learn a new choreography, he will, he doesn't care if one of his legs falls off, by the time jisung is seventy, he's probably still gonna be dancing himself to death.

so here jisung is, trying his best to keep his eyes open as he stares out the window of the van. it's way too late, schedules took way too long today, jisung just can't wait to get home, to lie down on his bed, and let the sleep take him away.

but for now, he's awake, wide awake. he's not exactly sure why he's keeping himself awake, some dumb reason he can't explain through the fatigue plaguing his own body. it's not like no one else is asleep, chenle dozed off forty five minutes ago, hikari and jeno are both gone, laying their heads on each other. it looks like sleep is about to take jaemin away pretty soon, renjun is silently sleeping in the seat in front of them, whilst mark and haechan are watching stupid videos, tired, but not tired as if they're about to sleep.

and seojun, seojun is wide awake.

seojun is always wide awake, jisung can never get it. seojun is one of the youngest members, and young people need sleep (that's what everyone says, at least), but every time jisung looks at seojun, he's awake. jisung doesn't know the last time he's seen seojun sleep— of course he sleeps, but jisung hasn't seen him doze off in a long time, the older must be an owl or something.

jisung finally stops looking out of the window, glancing over at seojun beside him. he takes his time observing the older. seojun is listening to music, a cnblue song, jisung can hear it faintly from his headphones. he lightly chuckles at the fact, and it seems that seojun hears him, removing one of his headphones. "did you say something?"

jisung suddenly startles, shaking his head through the tiredness attacking his body. "no i just.. nothing i said nothing".

seojun blinks, humming. he turns off his headphones, taking them off. "why aren't you sleeping?"

the question puzzles jisung. "what do you mean?"

"you're tired".

it's not a question, the words that escape seojun's lips are a remark, a statement. he isn't asking jisung if he's tired, if he wants to sleep, he's telling jisung that he's tired.

"that's funny" jisung replies, it's not surprising for seojun to have predicted this, it's obvious that he's tired, there are clear bags under his eyes, he can barely speak above a whisper, and he keeps having to pick himself up when his head starts slipping down, beckoning him to such a desirable slumber. "you just.. know?"

"it's pretty obvious" seojun responds, he doesn't display any kind of exhaustion, something that is absolutely stunning to jisung. seojun should be knocked out cold, he always does so much, but he never seems to ever be tired, he has to be some sort of superhuman, how does he survive without sleep? jisung will never know. "and i know you".

jisung could never disagree with that. sometimes, he thinks seojun might be a mind reader. he always knows when it comes to jisung, he can pick apart the smallest things, notice the smallest differences, and can somehow always know what he's thinking. on certain occasions, it freaks out jisung, just how much seojun knows, but on most occasions, it just confuses jisung.

"yeah, you know me so well.." jisung mutters, his tone is meant to come off as sarcastic, but seojun clearly can't notice because of how low he says it. he looks down at his feet, bumping them together.

"you should sleep".

jisung disagrees, he doesn't know why, he just wants to stay awake, staying awake is what he wants to do. "i'm not.. sleepy".

"you're a terrible liar" seojun chuckles, merely glancing at his phone before focusing all of his attention on the maknae. "you can sleep, you know, i'll wake you up when we get back".

"i don't wanna sleep".

"yes you do".

"no i don't".

"you do".

"i don't".

this childish back and forth comes out of nowhere, and it goes on for much longer than it should. it's nothing serious, playful bantering like this between the two has always been prominent in their relationship, arguing over stupid things has always been a them thing to do.

"will you stop fighting me on this?" seojun asks, his voice softening. "there's nothing wrong with sleeping, why don't you want to?"

"if i sleep, i'll sleep for too long".

seojun raises an eyebrow, clicking his tongue (a habit which makes jisung's stomach flip in ways that are so strange), a small hum leaves his lips and he leans back in his seat. "why's that a bad thing?"

"because i have to wake up early tomorrow to get extra practice in".

seojun laughs again, his laughter is a pretty harmony, one jisung loves witnessing. he doesn't mean to focus on it so much, the curve of seojun's mouth that is, but he does, he can't stop himself.

he feels himself get flicked in the head by the older, and a small yelp escapes his lips. "you dummy, that's really what your worried about?"

"dummy? you could at least not insult me.." jisung frowns, rubbing his forehead as he reels from the flick from seojun.

"seriously jisung, you need sleep".

jisung scoffs. "that's ironic for you to say" his words make seojun snort, he can't disagree with that. he's much too lively at a time like this, after the day they had, seojun still finds time to be awake, even while most of the members let their exhaustion take them away to dreamland. "you never sleep".

"this isn't about me, though" classic seojun, deflecting from anything pertaining to him and focusing on jisung. "it's alright if you sleep, i'll make sure to wake you up for your early practice".

the words come out in a joking way, but jisung knows seojun is serious when he says them, he just knows seojun, he knows how he is. seojun is always going to look after him, no matter how stubborn jisung tries to be, the older will never truly let him. taking care of him is his thing, jisung thinks the other will be looking after him until he dies.

and he wouldn't really mind it anyway.

"i—"

"jisung" seojun grits his teeth, the tone is a warning, the kind of tone mark uses with the group when they're acting like idiots. jisung thinks it's so weird when seojun talks like this, because energetic, childish, outgoing seojun should never be sporting a tone like this. "don't argue with me, you need to sleep, i'll wake you up, you know it".

i do. but jisung doesn't say that, he just lets out a tired chuckle, shaking his head. "you're so assertive.." he mutters, scooting closer and leaning his head down onto seojun's shoulder.

"anything to make sure you get sleep" seojun carts his hand through jisung's hair, an easier way to coax him to sleep, but jisung doesn't think it was on purpose, just seojun being seojun. "i'll wake you up tomorrow, and when we get back".

he doesn't need to reiterate his words for jisung to know, seojun is always going to take care of him, making sure everything is going okay with him. "uh huh, thanks".

though jisung says those words with a tone of mild irritation, he doesn't mean it.

and seojun knows, because he always knows.

three

"hyung have you seen my—oh.."

jisung can't even focus on what he's looking for anymore, because he walks into the kitchen turned bakery and experiences a type of whiplash he doesn't think could ever be replicated. he's met with the immediate aroma of chocolate chips, cookies, cookies are being made. he stops in his tracks, because the sudden chocolate chips which litter his nose aren't the only surprise.

"oh hi jisungie!" jaemin exclaims, quickly taking jisung's attention away from everything else. "what were you looking for?" jisung feels like his mind has gone blank as he tries to figure out everything he needs to articulate right now.

"my uh.. my watch" he responds, but the watch is the furthest thing on his mind. "why are you all, baking?" he finally asks, catching the attention of his fellow members.

"were doing something nice for mark!" renjun exclaims, his words muffled, his mouth is full of something. "celebrating golden hours release!"

ah, that makes sense. jisung finds the gesture cute, how they're gathering together to do something nice for mark, he really is special to them. all of them. "oh, so you're making just cookies?" he asks, not knowing what to do, so he just stands awkwardly.

"no, were making brownies too".

"were trying to make brownies" jaemin corrects, making donghyuck whip his head back to glare at him. "you didn't even get the right cocoa powder for the recipe".

"okay and? the brownies will still be good it's not like mark will even notice!"

and just like that, the pair begin arguing. wow, how fitting for them. jisung is quick to tune out of their argument, instead walking around to the other side of the kitchen counter, making his way to a certain someone.

seojun had been quiet the whole time, which is, frankly, unusual. jisung notices immediately how focused he is on making sure the cookie dough and chocolate chips mix together perfectly, so focused that he doesn't even look up to greet jisung when the younger stands beside him.

"hello? earth to seojun?" jisung calls out, suddenly craving the older males attention. the kang finally looks up, but he doesn't pause his aggressive mixing, his arm continuing to do it's thing. "are you okay?"

"hm? yeah, why wouldn't i be?"

"well.. you're quiet" jisung immediately remarks, opting to tell seojun about his newfound observation instead of making small talk. "that's weird".

seojun snickers, poking jisung's cheek (a gesture which the younger pretends to be annoyed by). "i just need to make sure these cookies are perfect, i want mark hyung to like it.."

he pokes his tongue through his inner cheek, and jisung simply nods. he gets it, seojun's need to impress mark goes way back, all the way back to their trainee days, where an eleven year old seojun would do extra well in practice just to get better praises from mark. "he will, when have you ever disappointed him?"

jisung can't do the complimenting as well as seojun does, but at least they have the same affect, because seojun smiles. a small, cute stretch that highlights his pretty pink lips.

jisung has no idea why he's staring there anyway..

"you know what, you're right, i shouldn't be stressing so much about this, these are just baked treats at the end of the day".

"glad you can see that".

the pair go unnaturally silent, the chatter of their fellow members still prominent in their ears, but nothing else seemed to matter to the 02 liners. jisung doesn't break the silence, intertwining his finger with seojun's. seojun has pretty hands, is that weird of jisung to say? no, he doesn't think it is. the rings that litter his fingers fit him so well, a barrage of gold and silver metal that compliment him perfectly.

seojun, who also doesn't say anything, just takes the act of affection as it is. his lips part, as if he wants to say something, but he immediately closes them, staying silent. jisung doesn't try to force seojun to talk, seojun doesn't try to force jisung to talk, they just stand there with their fingers laced together, comfortable in the silence overtaking them.

then suddenly, the two of them engage in a high end staring content. at this point, everyone else seems to be absolutely useless, the only thing mattering in the moment being them and their little staring competition. jisung loses almost immediately, because he does the stupid thing and lets his eyes wander down towards seojun's lips, totally not purposefully of course!

seojun laughs at the direction his eyes go, and it makes jisung immediately look up, blinking at the older.

but before he can say anything, chenle's familiar pterodactyl screech sounds in their ears.

"SEOJUNIE! COME HELP ME PLEASE!"

the shout is enough to snap seojun and jisung out of their thing, and jisung's cheeks flare up immediately, he forgot everyone else was still here. seojun snaps out of his little daze much more naturally though, even with the red hue that tints his cheeks.

"coming!" seojun quickly looks back to jisung. "uh.. do this for me? please?" jisung could never really refuse, even if seojun was really just asking him to stir cookie dough and chocolate chips for him. "i'll pay you back".

"no no it's fine go help chenle" jisung whispers, not knowing if he could speak without his voice cracking. seojun smiles at him, a pretty smile, then quickly lets go of his bowl (and jisung's hand) to go and help the yelling chinese with whatever issue is plaguing him.

jisung takes over seojun's former job of stirring together cookie dough and chocolate chips whilst the older helps chenle with his issue. he listens to the continuous bickering of renjun and donghyuck, trying his best to ignore jaemin's knowing gaze, he feels it burning holes through the back of his head.

seojun isn't gone for too long, as he comes back giggling and ruffling chenle's hair. "thank you, jisungie" he whispers, quickly taking the bowl of now mixed cookie dough and chocolate chips away from the maknae.

"no problem" jisung politely smiles, not even looking seojun in the eye, but the older seems to find his awkwardness cute, because he pinches the younger's cheeks. "what was that about?"

"what? with chenle?"

no, the other thing. jisung is referring to their little staring contest, that random moment they had, where no one else seemed to matter, like it was just them in the room and nothing else was going on, but jisung doesn't want to ask about that while everyone else is still in the room. "yeah.. uh— with chenle".

seojun narrows his eyes, but just hums, beginning to shape the cookie dough so it can start baking. "chenle just couldn't reach for something, he needed my help".

"ah" jisung hums, chewing on his bottom lip as he averts eye contact with the older, who blinks at his sudden silence. "are all of these enough?" he abruptly asks, changing the subject, much to the dismay of seojun. "mark hyung won't ask for more?"

"if he does ask for more we'll just make more!" hikari shouts from another part of the room, answering jisung's question instead of seojun, who smiles, agreeing with his answer. "it won't be that hard".

jisung hums again, having no idea how to start up another conversation. "anything i can do to help?"

"you don't have to do much" seojun responds, finally turning away from the baking cookies and back to the maknae. "unless you want to be apart of haechan and jaemin hyungs argument about cocoa powder".

jisung snorts, humored by the suggestion. "no i think i'll pass.."

"speaking of jaemin hyung, did you find your watch yet?" seojun asks, and the realization suddenly dawns on jisung, he totally forgot that he was originally looking for his watch this whole entire time. "you haven't even tried to look for it?"

"i did! but then i got sidetracked by the baking and cookies and those two arguing over cocoa powder!"

seojun chuckles at jisung's response, cupping his face as he coos at the other. everything jisung does is cute, but everyone else thinks that as well!

it's just different when it's seojun..

"you're such an idiot, jisungie".

the nickname is stupid, but jisung loves when seojun says it (but he can't say that out loud, because the other members would pout about it all day). he doesn't mean to pick favorites, he just thinks seojun is extra adorable with the way he does things, and no that is not biased.

seojun continues shaking his head, sighing. "your watch is in my room".

jisung blinks, puzzled by the words. "my watch is in your— how did it even get there?"

"you tell me, i didn't even know it was there until like twenty minutes ago, you probably put it there and just don't remember".

"but that doesn't make sense i—"

"COOKIES ARE READY!"

jisung, again, gets cut off by a loud shout, and both 02 liners immediately whip their heads towards the second eldest, who jumps up happily at the sound of the oven dinging, indicating that the cookies were ready. "jeez, why is everyone yelling today?"

seojun snickers at the comment, head still turned away from jisung. "they have to combat the other shouting hyungs somehow" he mutters, patting jisung on the shoulder before going to hikari's side, helping him with the cookies.

once they're placed onto the kitchen counter, an immediate argument starts between renjun and donghyuck, who are talking about uneven chocolate chips or something. jaemin is begging hikari to try a cookie, but the older doesn't give into his demands, and it seems that he's working a double shift, because he's making sure to slap chenle's approaching hand away each time it gets closer to the plate. jeno, on the other hand, is just standing by, helping his bo— hikari by also shooing chenle away from the batch of cookies.

jisung is just staying silent, standing by as his members get up to their own things. seojun, again, comes back to his former spot beside him. the older doesn't say anything, just reaches for jisung's hand and laces their fingers together. "what?"

"what?"

"why the sudden hand holding?"

"we were doing this before.." seojun mutters, and jisung doesn't try to shake his grip off or anything, just allows for seojun to intertwine their fingers. he smiles lightly at the fact, a smile that doesn't go unnoticed by seojun. "you like holding my hand".

"don't get too cocky".

jisung allows for his eyes to cast towards the plate of cookies on the table, and seojun notices right away, because of course seojun notices right away. "what? you want one?"

confusion colors jisung's face, and he shakes his head. "i mean yeah but hii would never let m—"

seojun doesn't wait for him to finish, grabbing a cookie from the plate and handing it over to jisung. "he's occupied with jeno hyung, he won't mind".

"but what about mark hyung?"

seojun snickers, taking jisung's hand and putting the cookie in it. "he won't mind, i'm making an exception for you, everyone will get it" jisung wants to protest, but he can't, because who is he to turn down the lovely seojun's lovely offer?

"don't worry, i'll cover for you if hii or injunie ever finds out" seojun whispers, giving a short glance to the older members in the room before raising his pinkie towards jisung's. jisung uses his free hand to take his pinkie and intertwine it with his. "pinkie swear".

jisung laughs, even if there is a cookie in his mouth. though he can't respond, seojun gets what he means, smiling lightly at him.

four

"are you going for an insomniac world record or something?"

the question makes jisung snap out of his little late night daze, and the moment he catches sight of seojun, a tired smile makes its way to his lips. the older comes up to the couch and ruffles his hair, an equally tired smile on his lips as he then turns away to go get himself some water. "i'm not an insomniac, sleeping is just becoming difficult these days".

"anything in particular keeping you up?"

jisung pauses, taking a yawn. of course there's a lot keeping him up, the groups future, mark's graduation, other upcoming graduations, what all of that means for the group in general, his role as a member of the group, but he doesn't say all of that, just hums as a response to seojun's question. "a lot".

"don't wanna elaborate?"

"not now".

the older 02 liner makes his way around the couch, throwing jisung's legs off to make space for himself. the younger groans, but ultimately allows seojun to do so, as the younger quickly takes his place on the couch. "don't whine you big baby".

jisung frowns, but ultimately lets his legs fall off the couch. he enjoys seojun's company, he doesn't want the older to leave. he likes that he's here. "i'm not whining, just annoyed that you made me move".

"you can always just kick me off the couch" yeah, jisung can, but that doesn't mean he will. he feels much more relaxed with the older there. he would never make seojun leave a room, he enjoys being around him.

"yeah.." jisung mutters. he's bored, overwhelmed with thoughts, and he feels like everything is going wrong. "but i'm lazy" he answers quickly, a good excuse, seojun won't suspect a thing.

the older hums, silent. he observes jisung for a moment, eyes scanning his body, he pauses for a moment, fingers picking at a spot on the couch, and then he stands up, sighing. "get up".

surprise colors jisung's face. "what?"

"up, i'm gonna give you a massage".

jisung blinks, completely puzzled about what the hell seojun must've picked up on. "a massage? why do you want to give me a.."

"your posture's gonna go to shit if i don't" jisung picks up on the uncharacteristic swear, but he can't exactly argue with seojun. so, begrudgingly, the maknae sits up and sighs, he always ends up giving into seojun doesn't he?

"my posture is fine" jisung argues silently, lightly wincing as he feels seojun's thumbs make contact with his back. the older gives the younger a look of bewilderment. "what?"

"why did you even wince?"

"because.. your fingers are cold".

seojun chuckles at the response, starting off much more gently this time. "your shirt is that thin?"

jisung lets out a short breath, looking away from the older. "yes, it's also the middle of the night and everything that touches me feels cold, seojun".

"no need to be such a pessimist".

jisung yawns, closing his eyes as seojun kneads the muscles in his back. he has to admit, he is getting the slightest bit relaxed. "not pessimistic just tired".

seojun hums once again, a small smile coming to his that he doesn't allow jisung to see. "so what's bothering you?"

"hm?"

"what's bothering you? tell me" seojun responds immediately. "is it mark hyung?"

jisung's silence is enough of an answer to him. seojun makes an indescribable sound, then takes a deep breath. "you miss mark?"

"everyone misses mark" jisung finally opens his eyes. "it's not just mark it's.. everything, the group, the company, future promotions, the stupid graduation system, all i want is for us to  be like how we were when we debuted but now mark hyung is gone and hii has all this added stress and.. i don't know what to do, it's all eating me up inside".

jisung then lets another wave of silence hit as he finishes his long spew of words. seojun doesn't respond immediately, taking in the words and thinking of a response, but jisung doesn't doubt seojun, because he always knows what he needs.

"i just want everything to be okay—"

"it will be" seojun cuts in, a weary escaping his lips as he pokes his tongue through his inner cheek. "it's important to remember that you can always come to me with things like this, it's alright to talk about how you feel and i just.. i don't want you to feel like your alone in these thoughts because you're not and.."

jisung hears seojun's voice break, and when he glances back at the older, he's looking somewhere else, fingers still gently kneading jisung's back as he tries his best to think of what to say next. "i don't know, it always feels hard to think clearly these days".

jisung's face falls, seojun doesn't disclose things like this, he'd rather die before ever crying in front of anyone. he bites his bottom lip, but seojun shakes off whatever he was previously thinking, lightly laughing to himself. "sorry i don't know where that came from".

"no no no it's fine it's good to talk about how you feel".

seojun snickers, humored. "well now you sound like me" he turns jisung's head back forward, being only the gentlest with him, of course. the older treats jisung as if he's a fragile piece of glass. "i know i'm usually jokey or whatever but.. i don't know i'm just worried for the future of the group, i don't know what i'm going to do after graduating".

jisung blinks. "what's that supposed to mean?"

seojun goes silent for a few moments, letting out a small sigh. "seorin and i were talking about it once, how following graduation i'd probably leave the group".

just the three words 'leave the group' are enough to make jisung's stomach drop, he feels like he's about to throw up just hearing them. seojun can't leave.. what would that be like? how would jisung fare well if seojun wasn't around?

"what do you mean leave?"

seojun sighs. "jisung—"

"you can't leave! you're not going anywhere, your— your staying" jisung doesn't ask, he states, all seojun can do is pause his little ministrations and try to calm down the youngest.

"jisung—"

"why did that conversation even come up?"

"because we were just talking and.." seojun hides his face behind his hands. "i don't know, i don't have much use after i graduate i'll just be tossed out by sm, it doesn't really matter what i do".

"yes it does" jisung presses, grabbing seojun's hands. "you're not leaving the group, i'm not going to let you".

seojun allows for himself to laugh. "you're not going to let me?"

"no, and chenle won't either, probably, you can't go it'll just—" jisung pauses, gathering his words. "it won't be the same without you".

seojun stays silent for a while, basking in the feeling of jisung's hand in his own and their breathing in the now soundless living room. "okay, i'm sorry i just.." he twirls a strand of hair between his finger. "i don't know, i was just in a bad spot when i brought that up, i'm just not feeling my greatest".

jisung frowns again, now upset that the older is upset. "it's really fine, if you want to talk about it we can.."

"no, we don't have to" seojun quickly dismisses, waving off jisung's words. the maknae narrows his eyes, a look of pity in them that he knows seojun hates more than anything. "just— let's finish with this stupid massage and get you to sleep".

"what about you?"

"what about me?"

right. jisung doesn't know what he should've expected, seojun putting himself first is one of the rarest sights he'll ever behold in his lifetime. he sighs lightly as the older continues with the gentle pressing of fingers into his back, slowly feeling himself get sleepy from the ministrations. "on another note, i'm pretty sure seorin hates me".

seojun giggles. "seorin does not hate you, she literally told me she likes you!"

"then she must've been lying cause i don't remember the last time she looked at me like she wanted me in the room".

seojun narrows his eyes at jisung, finding the statement about his sister hard to believe. "she'll warm up to you eventually".

jisung frowns, sending seojun an 'are you serious?' look. he often feels awkward around seorin, yeah she's nice and everything but she always glares daggers at jisung, he assumes it's all unintentional, but it doesn't stop him from being endlessly intimidated by her.

seojun can't believe the words escaping jisung's lips, because to him, seorin is probably the least intimidating person he knows, but he also knows her better than anyone else. "i hope that eventually is soon because i can't deal with feeling like your own twin sister hates me".

"she doesn't" seojun reassures once again, stopping his message and placing his chin on jisung's shoulders. "can't you trust me on this?"

jisung finally gets to look at seojun closer, though he rarely has to turn his head to get a good look at the older. "i always trust you" he whispers unconsciously, he originally meant to think that, but judging by seojun's reaction, he knows that he indeed did not think it, and he said it out loud.

if there's any sign of a red hue on seojun's face, he quickly shakes it away and clears his throat. "alright um— massage over, it's time to sleep".

seojun quickly moves away from jisung, whose silently confused about his change in behavior. "seojun?"

"hm?"

"can i uh.." jisung pauses, he doesn't stand up right away, feeling seojun poke his cheek and then pull it. "can i stay in your room tonight?"

seojun chuckles immediately, probably his fastest response to jisung this whole night. "of course, you didn't have to ask" jisung knows that, seojun would've even made the offer himself, that's just the way he is.

jisung just knows how seojun is, he's become very in tune with the older.

"okay come on, you need sleep".

and what else can jisung do but follow?

five

"it's cold".

if jisung knew having to promote in the middle of the december meant he'd be provided a sweater only half the time, he would've faked a sickness or something. don't get him wrong, all the songs are so fun to perform, but he was never truly on board with the whole winter special album thing, he likes performing in not so hot but not so cold temperatures. having to promote in the middle of december is not his thing, even with him being a winter baby himself.

he felt as if he wasn't made for the cold.

"you've been saying that for the past five minutes, we get it jisung-ah".

jisung gasps at the comment from jaemin, feigning offense at the words. he doesn't care if he has to repeat it another seven times, he will, it's unbearably cold in this waiting room, and jisung isn't wearing anything that covers his arms. of course he isn't the only one here without a sweater, hikari is currently on his phone, trying his best not to shudder, and jaemin seems to be happy in all of his sweater-less glory, probably because he gets to show off his arms or something.

"well as i will continue to say that! it's freezing in here!" jisung exclaims, a frown on his face as he earns nothing but a laugh from his fellow members. he crosses his arms, looking away from the rest of the group in fake anger. "i'm the maknae, you guys should be caring for me.."

"just ask noona for a sweater".

"i— she's busy i don't want to waste her time!" jisung is quick to yell, but he really just doesn't know how to approach her, he doesn't want to make anything awkward. he also just really hates asking for help, so he lets the goosebumps begin appearing on his skin, trying his best not to shiver in the freezing temperature of the room.

"then stop complaining if you won't ask" jisung snaps his head towards chenle, opening his mouth to make some snippy remark, but he's quickly cut off by the small sound of the door colliding with the wall. "we're back~!"

in walks mark and, of course, seojun, who are wearing joyous smiles on their faces, plastic bags in their hands. jisung hums at the sight of them, whilst donghyuck jumped up excitedly at the sight of the leader and second youngest. "did you get them!?"

mark sighs, pretending to be disappointed that the snacks they went to get are all donghyuck cares about. "yes, we got them, we got enough as well".

"we've been saved! thank you!"

jisung watches the members rush to get the snacks they so desperately begged the others for, he doesn't really want anything, he's not hungry at the moment. so now the members are gorging on their little treats, their hearts happy, thanks to mark and seojun. "you don't want anything?"

"hm? no, i'm fine" jisung responds quickly, but then he feels uncomfortable again, trying his best to keep calm in this terribly freezing room. "it's just so cold!"

mark raises an eyebrow. "you're cold?"

"what do you mean? it's very cold in here.." hikari chimes in, clearly shivering when he mutters those words. the leader, whose wearing a jacket, has no idea what kind of cold these two could even be feeling at the moment. "jisung's been professing that for the past hour".

"not the past hour! it's just.. very cold" jisung reiterates for pretty much the hundredth time that hour, trying his best to warm himself up by rubbing his hands together.

"you guys are cold? i'm hot" seojun comments, unzipping his sweater as he stares at his fellow 02 liner, who gives him a dumbfounded look, it seems that hikari also shares the sentiment jisung has in his head.

"that's cause you're weird! you never get cold!"

"well it's not cold!"

"it's never cold for you!"

jisung exchanges glances between the two nct sei members, humored by their small argument about the weird temperature physics regarding seojun's body. jisung finds seojun confusing, he's constantly energetic but never tired, constantly hot but never cold, what kind of a person is he?

"jeez your shivering.."

jisung flinches the moment seojun's finger graces his goosebump filled arm, his hands are always so cold, he thinks seojun might be a walking ice block, elsa's long lost cousin or something, he's always so cold, a clear contrast to his personality. "yeah i'm shivering! do you not the feel the below zero temperature in this room?"

"nope, your whining so much, you could at least take it like a champ like jaemin hyung".

jisung scoffs, wrapping his own arms around himself in other attempt to try and heat himself up manually. he gives a frown, and his fellow 02 liner does nothing but laugh at his display. "are you enjoying my misery, seojunie?"

"very much".

"of course you are" jisung crosses his arms, turning away from seojun with that same frown remaining on his face. he hears the kang chuckle again behind him, and a small shuffle he can't exactly explain.

it's not until jisung feels someone put something over his shoulder, that he realizes what happened.

seojun took off his sweater, and gave it to jisung.

the maknae immediately feels rebuttal, moving to take the sweater off but only feeling seojun's hand get placed on his shoulder. "don't even think about taking it off".

jisung sighs, shaking his head. "seojun i'm not wearing this.."

"you said you were cold, right? take the sweater" seojun doesn't seem to care, seeing that he looks virtually unaffected by the freezing temperature of the room. jisung's about to disagree again, and seojun can tell before he even opens his mouth.

"jun, i was just being overdramatic i don't actually—"

"jisung, stop being stubborn, your cold, i'll be fine" the older is quick to cut him off, shoving his hands into his pant pockets and humming along to a song playing in his head. it's that one paramore song he's been obsessed with since forever that jisung still doesn't know the name of.

jisung hesitates for a moment, registering the feeling of the sweater on his back. seojun just nudges him, a knowing look in his eye. finally, not wanting to be scolded any more for being stubborn, jisung puts on the sweater, the fabric smoothly slipping through his wrists and immediately making him feel comfortable. "uh.. seojun?"

seojun turns back to the maknae, smiling. "yes?"

jisung fidgets awkwardly, settling with the feeling of the fabric against his skin. "thank you" he says, just a little whisper that's meant to be kept between the two of them, jisung isn't sure why he whispers exactly, but he felt that in the specific moment, he couldn't control the volume of his voice.

seojun smiles at the words, his smile is beautiful, jisung thinks it compliments his features so well. "it's nothing, jisungie, you know i'm always here for you".

seojun doesn't have to say the words for jisung to know, his actions already speak loud enough to him. the maknae continues to fidget with his fingers, but he shares a smile with seojun, a small feeling of elation soaring through him.

jisung knows that, as long as seojun's around, he's always going to look after him.

and he doesn't mind it, really, he loves it, in fact.

+ one

jisung feels like he hasn't seen seojun all day.

he's seen the older maybe once or twice, but he hasn't exactly seen him. he feels like he hasn't heard him speak, or seen him smile, or heard him crack some stupid joke in years, jisung knows even the most energetic of people have their days, but seojun? seojun is mr. 'i don't care how tired i am i'm going to scream in your face all day', but seojun practically feels invisible today.

jisung knows seojun is tired, he knows seojun, he knows the older's constant all nighters would catch up to him eventually, but he feels like a ghost today, like he's just dragging himself around.

jisung is.. very worried.

"where's seojun?"

the first person to look up is hikari, who seems just as confused as jisung. hikari usually always knows where seojun is, but that's because the older seems to have some tracking device on him or something. he blinks for a moment, confusion coloring his face. "i don't know.."

"for once" jaemin snorts, and all the older does is glare at him, flicking him in the forehead. jaemin gives his best pitched up squeal at the collision, pouting as he rubs his forehead, but hikari pays him no mind, waving him off. "ow! you're so mean.."

"stop being stupid then".

jisung just stands there awkwardly, still having no answer to his question, he has to admit, he is starting to get a little bit weird, his leg bouncing up and down as his mind races with..thoughts. if seojun were here, right now that is, he'd talk with jisung about it, he'd run his hand up and down jisung's back comfortingly and do the seojun thing.

the seojun thing is what jisung calls the little mind reading powers seojun has. seojun is basically a master at everything jisung, he can tell what he's thinking, why he's thinking it, what he's about to say, and why he's about to say it. he thinks seojun knows him more than he knows himself sometimes, he's just so good at things pertaining to him.

"you're looking for seojunie?" renjun suddenly inquires, entering the room with his eyes pointed at his phone. at the sight of jisung's nod, the older gives a small frown, but jisung can't figure out why. "he's still practicing, i think".

jisung furrows his eyebrows, it is way too late for anyone to still be at sm. "at this time?" he questions, what the hell is he doing? he only earns a shrug from renjun, who is just as confused as he is.

"he said something about wanting to get extra practice in, it has been a while, though.."

that's all jisung needs to hear, he mutters a tiny "thank you" and goes back to his room to get his jacket, not focused on anything but seojun and his weird late night practicing. when hikari and jaemin interrogate him on where he's going, all he says is that he's going to check up on seojun, make sure he's okay. he pretends to have no idea why jaemin is staring the way he's staring, whatever that taunting look means.

jisung doesn't like leaving the dorm after dark, it's strange to him, but he has to get seojun before the older ends up sleeping at the sm entertainment building.

his jacket isn't zipped up, and the nightly breeze isn't exactly warm, but jisung doesn't care, he's only focused on seojun, seojun who he pretty much hasn't seen all day, seojun who he pretty much hasn't heard all day, seojun who he just wants to make sure is okay, and healthy, and alive and totally not suffering.

when jisung steps into the sm entertainment building, a strange shiver run downs his spine. it's like a ghost town in there, save for a few murmurings he can hear from the some of the rooms littered in the halls.

but he doesn't allow for himself to stray away from his main objective, quickly turning and heading to the practice room. jisung always thought these halls spread way too far, it was only a good few feet, but sometimes, especially at night, it felt like an eternity. he almost feels like he walks forever, and when he makes it to the door of the practice room, he pauses.

it's silent, no music, no footsteps hitting the floor, no heavy breathing, it's just silent. the silence concerns jisung, because seojun is known for making noise, but he doesn't allow for his anxieties to amplify, just places his hand on the doorknob and turns it.

the lights are still on, jisung notices, so seojun couldn't have left. when he finally looks down, he finds seojun. seojun is dozed off, asleep on the floor with his arms caged around himself. jisung lets out a sigh of relief, it could've been worse, he doesn't exactly know how, but it could've.

but seojun's okay, he's just sleeping, taking a much needed nap. jisung hurries over to his fellow 02 liner, peacefully lying on the floor with his head rested on his arms. he taps him lightly, not wanting to startle the older. "seojun".

"hm?" the response is silent, and seojun shifts in just the slightest, but he doesn't open his eyes. jisung frowns, shaking him by the arm. "what? what?" that seems to do the trick, because seojun rubs his eyes, finally sitting up and trying to shake off any tiredness. "oh— oh god hi, what time is it?"

seojun looks shaken, like he just got hit with the worst kind of realization imaginable. jisung usually never sees him like this, but he guesses it has to do with him being tired. so, he gives a small smile, rubbing seojun's shoulder softly. "hi, it's like.. ten, almost eleven".

the words make seojun's eyes widen, he looks terrified, like this time was horrible for him or something. "oh— oh my god i fell asleep i didn't even mean to.."

"hey it's fine" jisung reassures, placing both of his hands on seojun's shoulders. "you were just tired, you needed that sleep anyway".

it doesn't seem the words ease any of seojun's worries, cause the older just looks away, the look in his eyes telling jisung that this is a much more important thing to him than he thought. "did you eat today?" the maknae immediately blurts, making seojun snap his head towards him.

the question is the kind of question seojun always asks, the kind of question he asks every few hours to make sure jisung isn't skipping meals. seojun pauses, thinking about it.. or thinking about what to answer. "..yeah".

jisung narrows his eyes, that's a lie.

"seojun".

"what? i'm not lying!"

"when?"

seojun scoffs, turning around with crossed arms. jisung sighs, he knows he's stubborn himself, but seojun is even more stubborn, he'll never admit his lies even if he was being held at gunpoint. "stop nagging me.."

"i'm not nagging you i'm concerned for your well-being!" jisung whisper-yells, pulling seojun closer to him, as the older was scooting away. "i just need to make sure you're alright, i haven't seen you all day and.. your health is important to me, seojun".

the older blinks, as if registering the words in his mind. jisung suddenly feels his face burn, feeling seojun's eyes look him up and down. seojun snickers, playfully nudging the younger. "aww, thank you" seojun gives his best fake pout, over exaggerating it to tease jisung.

jisung just scoffs, lightly pushing seojun's shoulder. the older just laughs at his response, staying on the floor as jisung gets up, dusting off his pants. "come on".

seojun blinks, as if dumbfounded. "come on where?"

"were going to the convenience store, i'm getting you something" jisung tries his best to pull seojun up off the floor, even with how the older seemed adamant on staying down. he's finally able to lift seojun up, much to the dismay of the kang, who frowns.

"you don't have to get me anything" seojun mumbles, staring down at his own moving feet on the floor. "don't spend your money on me" he says, looking up at jisung with an indescribable look on his face.

jisung just shakes his head. "don't try to argue with me, your hungry, you'd do the same for me.."

the words make seojun go silent, and he removes jisung's grip from his arm, intertwining their fingers. he's.. not used to this, he's the one who does the taking care of, he's not the one whose usually taken care of.

seojun has spent so much of his time in this group just looking after jisung, and the maknae never knew how to thank him besides giving him a few small smiles and muttering awkward "thank you's". seojun never asked for anything in return, obviously, but jisung always felt like he never offered enough to seojun, even with how the older has always been looking after him, since the two of them entered sm entertainment.

then, seojun smiles, squeezing jisung's hand laced with his. "thank you" he replies, turning away from the younger with a flustered feeling he can't exactly explain.

jisung smiles seeing seojun smile. "it's nothing, really, it's the least i can do".

seojun doesn't respond to that, just squeezes his hand again.