#Yo Han taking not only Elijah

[kingkangyohan]

Yo Han soaping Elija's teddy bear, cleansing any trace of death away, rinsing its fur from the church's ashes, scouring until the smell of fire and burned disappear from hie nieces's favorite toy - hoping to ease her her sleep, praying he would carry any of his niece's nightmares instead.

[amethystina]

hello dear, hope you're doing well physically & mentally. lots of hugs for you!

i've been wondering about the physical touch in Gahan's dynamic especially. we all know how much physical abuse Yohan has gone through in his childhood, the kidnapping by Sunah, him willingly explode a whole ass room with bombs with him inside it too but pushing away his loved one out.

now compare to Gaon. this Bambi has better experience with physical touch in his life seeing as how he's comfortable leaning to Soohyun seeking comfort while grieving for the loss of his parents. reaching out to Yohan so easily when he sees Yohan woke up from a nightmare. how he reaches for Kkomi and put her on his lap, the lovely and respectful interaction with Elijah.

I always have this thought in my head that it would be tricky for them to have this physical touch without one misunderstood the meaning of one's action. personally i bounced back and forth of the idea Yohan can manipulate and charm ppl with his sex prowess. just because he knows being seduction and sex goes hand in hand with manipulation. It does seem like Yohan can be the type to do especially that the way he gazes at Gaon & Sunah. But we all know he has brother complex lol, while with Sunah he can get the rush of feeling powerful having someone around his level to play with. Either that idea or I think Yohan never has the chance to explore sex bcs it's too much physical touches and too much emotional investment in such a short period of time. Perhaps he can have sex while his sex partner is tied up, not touching Yohan but he's the one who has control to touch them, hence why the kinky dom Yohan exist. So i think domestic touches will be like taming stray or feral creatures. It would take a long time and patience on both sides to be in the safe space and trust.

now.. wdyt Gahan would be in if they were already in a romantic relationship. How would they interact? Who would initiate what? What difference would it be for them in domestic/ innocent interactions and in bed? I would like to know your thoughts on this one. I wish I can pour my detailed thoughts for this but i'm afraid to scare you off with my long-ass paragraphs hahaha it's been a while since I have conversations analyzing character's personality and their depths, just geeking out about them and it can be intense and intimidating for people if I pour all my thoughts out for these shit lol

I wish you well! Take your time on your recovery & in writing, we'll always be here for you!

I'm currently in pain from shoveling too much snow but, other than that, I'm pretty okay. Thank you for asking 💜

Physical touch is a very fascinating subject when it comes to these two, isn't it? Probably because there's so much tension between them.

Anyhow! I actually think that Yo Han has had a lot of sex but, like, only with the right people? He may have been abused as a child (and definitely has trauma and trust issues because of it) but he's also a very clever and intuitive man. And he'd know how to find partners he can have casual, enthusiastic, and fun sex with. Like, some random woman or man he meets at a bar who thinks he's hot? Definitely. Some random woman or man he meets in a professional setting who is clearly trying to gain something from having sex with him? Absolutely not.

Having sex is a very intimate act in some ways, but exactly how intimate depends a lot on the partner, the setting, and the circumstances. Yo Han would only go for people he's not feeling threatened by or knows he can control without exerting too much effort. But I also think he'd enjoy the challenge of wooing people. Like, how fast can he make this woman shed her clothes? What should he say to make this man swoon? Flirting would be a game for him, too, but "winning" just means he and the other person get to have sex so it's actually pretty harmless.

And I think he'd be fine doing it with strangers and letting them touch him. Because he doesn't actually seem averse to touch in the drama? Unused to it, yes — especially the tender kind — but not scared of or uncomfortable with it. He puts himself and his body through a lot, yes, but never in a reckless or self-destructive way. More often than not, he knows exactly what the risks are and deems them worth whatever payoff comes at the end (unlike Ga On who just... throws himself into danger without much thought).

One of the few (if not the only time) Yo Han seems genuinely scared of physical touch is when Ga On tries to comfort him after his nightmare. Which says a lot, I think. He's more scared of a touch meant to soothe than one meant to hurt, since he doesn't want to show weakness. He doesn't know how he will react to a touch like that and would therefore rather push it away.

But he doesn't even flinch when Sun Ah raises a hand to slap him, which is definitely a situation where some (but not all) who have been abused in the past would react. So, clearly, he's not as traumatised as he could have been, or has learned to control it enough for it not to show too much. To me, Yo Han doesn't seem averse to casual touching and does it quite a lot himself, like towing Ga On around at the gala, lightly patting Lawyer Ko's arm, offering his arm to Jin Joo at the other gala etc.

And I personally don't think there will be all that many misunderstandings between him and Ga On as to what a certain touch means? They both seem way too smart for that? There might still be general misunderstandings, of course, but not when it comes to that. If nothing else, the intent behind touches is something Yo Han had to learn long ago because you can't manipulate people only using sexual prowess. He needs more than one method and that means recognising what different touches mean, when to give them etc.

My personal headcanon for Yo Han is that he has no trouble using his sex appeal to manipulate when appropriate, but his strength lies in how he adapts to the situation, sometimes being kind and understanding, sometimes being firm and commanding, and, sometimes, being flirty and sensual.

The way he prefers to have sex is for fun, though, and he enjoys it a lot with the right people. But he'd never do it if he felt uncomfortable or threatened by his partner, and he's good enough at reading people that he'd know the other person's intentions long before the actual sex happens. So, for example, I don't think he'd ever want to have sex with Sun Ah even if he could tie her up. He'd be too suspicious to actually enjoy it xD

To me, Yo Han is the kind of man who has a lot of trauma, but has also worked a lot on overcoming said trauma. If he did so in a healthy way I will leave unsaid, but I don't think he'd allow himself to be wary of other people's touch. I think Yo Han would be frustrated by his own limitations if he could only have sex with people while they're tied up, simply because he's uncomfortable with them touching him. That's too big of a weakness — something someone could exploit. And he'd train that out of himself as soon as possible. His whole thing is that he's unshakeable and impenetrable and that's a choice — something he's putting effort into being. And so I, personally, can't see him allowing himself to have that kind of "flaw."

As a friend of mine said: "He's a man even more in control of himself than he is others."

That said, I think he enjoys tying people up because it gives him added control and makes it more fun to play with his victims partners. So I'm all for Dom!Yo Han — he is one in every fic I've written so far — I just think he does that because he likes it, not because it's the only way he can have sex.

And, to be entirely honest with you? I don't think Yo Han needs to tie people up in order to control them in the bedroom. I'm pretty sure that man can make his partners do pretty much anything he wants them to, without using a single tool or restraint. Because that is the kind of Dom he is.

ANYHOW. To your questions! (boy did I get derailed there for a while)

Ga On is definitely the cuddly one. Like, once he gets comfortable, he's the one who gives and asks for hugs, will walk up behind Yo Han and wrap his arms around him, snuggle up on the couch, put his head in Yo Han's lap etc. Because I definitely agree with you that the casual, domestic touches will be more difficult for Yo Han. He's used to giving some of them, like pats on the shoulder, a supportive hand, fixing Ga On's clothes — practical things. But the ones that are just because? Clearly, that's out of his wheelhouse and he's too prideful to ask for them.

Again, not because he's broken, scared, or doesn't understand them, but simply because he's not used to them. And he doesn't like feeling insecure or appearing weak, so he wouldn't risk asking and making a mistake.

So it'll fall upon Ga On to offer them, which he of course does. He's a pretty physical person with the people he trusts, provided that politeness and such allows it. Like, clearly, one of the reasons why Ga On doesn't touch Yo Han much in the drama is due to the workplace hierarchy, the fact that Yo Han is older (and it's considered rude to touch someone older without their permission), and just Yo Han's overall... Yo Han-ness. But once Ga On gets free rein?

Yo Han won't know what hit him.

But it'll take time for them to get used to it, yes. Like, just teaching Yo Han how to return casual hugs that aren't in a life-or-death situation is going to take a while. But he'll get used to it eventually and while I don't think he'll ever be the one to initiate certain things — like the more cuddly hugs that might make him look clingy — he'd always reciprocate when Ga On does.

Yo Han is a little too prideful to ask for cuddles, but he'll graciously agree to them when Ga On asks him to give them.

(He and Komi have that in common, I guess)

As for sex, that depends? I think they can both initiate it, but Yo Han enjoys it more when Ga On does so, just because he likes seeing Ga On horny and desperate xD Yo Han is definitely the one in charge, though. That's not to say that Ga On can't snatch control from him or throw him off-balance from time to time, but probably only during brief moments when he's being particularly cheeky and bratty. I think they both enjoy the push-and-pull — the fact that Ga On challenges Yo Han is a part of the thrill — but are more comfortable when Yo Han is in control.

Especially since Yo Han is very good at it.

All that said, I do think — and this might be an unpopular and scandalous opinion — that Yo Han could, eventually, let Ga On top him. But we're talking years down the line, when they're so comfortable with each other that there are no secrets or doubts. Because, yes, Yo Han is a man who prides himself on having control but, eventually, he's also going to realise that having control and having power isn't necessarily the same thing. And being in charge and having control isn't necessarily the same thing, either. Ga On has a tremendous amount of power over Yo Han despite not being in charge or in control the majority of the time.

I mean, there's a reason why they say that the sub is the one with the real power since they're the ones willingly handing it over to someone else. And if they can give it, they can also revoke that privilege — and there is absolutely nothing the Dom can do about that. In that situation, the Dom is, quite literally, powerless.

And I think, especially as he gets older and softer, Yo Han would realize that trusting Ga On to top him is, in fact, a sign of his own strength. And I don't mean that in a "real men know how to bottom" kind of way. But in a "I love this man and I trust him and myself enough to let him have this power over me because that, in itself, means I have power."

But, again, that's several years into their relationship and 99,9% of the time, Yo Han is the one topping. But, every once in a while, Ga On can be the one in charge. As a treat.

... I may have gotten off track again.

But I'd say that's about the gist of it? There are, of course, more specific examples and details, too.

Yo Han is definitely the one doing most of the dirty talk, but Ga On will not hesitate to use his doe-eyes to his advantage and say the most kinky, outrageous things sometimes, just for the pleasure of watching Yo Han bluescreen. I also think that Yo Han will develop a habit of burrowing his nose in Ga On's hair when they're hugging/cuddling. And, as I've mentioned in a previous post, Yo Han is the little spoon 90% of the time. I also think that Ga On is going to be pretty shy and prudish when it comes to talking about sex and anything relating to it (at least at the beginning), but kinky as fuck when it comes to the actual acts. Like, he can't say "cock" without wincing, but he'll gladly let Yo Han tie him up and fuck him so roughly and thoroughly he's covered in bruises afterwards.

I really could go on but then we'd be here forever and I have work tomorrow x'D

So I'm hoping you got something out of this long rant! Thank you so much for the ask! I admit that I don't often spend time thinking about fictional characters' sex lives, but I apparently have a lot of opinions regardless. Though, to be honest, I think Yo Han and Ga On is the couple where I've had to think about it the most, since physical closeness (of both the sexual and more innocent kind) is extremely important for their dynamic. So yeah.

Take care, darling! 💜

[pellinor-princess]

Someone to lean on...

When Gaon finds an annoyed Yohan after they've rescued Elijah from Juk Chang's thugs, he tries to convince him that Yohan is a human being and needs to "rely" on someone to live.

The subtitles on Viki use "lean" instead.

And Yo Han does realise that he desperately wants to "rely" or "lean" on Ga On when the going gets tough in his plan. It's made dramatically clear when he very deliberately hangs on to Ga On in the break up scene.

Yohan is gripping Ga On by his shoulder but also trying to keep him in one place. In this case, with him. At his side. In his house. In his life.

As the scene progresses, he takes his hand away for a moment but is quick to lean on Ga On once more. He just can't bear to lose touch.

My gosh...there are literally no words to describe this apart from Yo Han being CLINGY here. Literally. He's only just found his "someone" whom he wants to "rely" or "lean" on. Ga On is his Someone. He makes Yo Han feel like a human being. He makes Yo Han want Someone for himself. He's Yohan's.

Alas, like the crisis point in any great love story we get this instead.

Yo Han loses his Someone. His Someone to rely on. His Someone to lean on. His Someone who makes him feel like a human being. His Anchor. His Ga On.

This show honestly. They literally showed us that words give rise to feelings that influence actions. Similarly, actions can give way to words and affect what a person ends up feeling.

Sorry folks...the cursed episode 12 got me once again when I rewatched.

[maystea]

The something between us we don't talk about,

It's a normal thing for people in love to question what kind of relationships do they have with the people they have romantic feelings for. And so it's normal when they want something more, something bigger than just watching this person afar and talking like friends and nothing more.

And there are two solutions: confess to the person you like, or bottle your feelings and pretend like relationships between you are enough for you... but pretend doesn't mean be, right?

[ Warning ] : spoilers for episodes seven, eight, eleven, twelve, thirteen.

　

The discovery of Doh Young-Choon being switched was something very painful for Ga-On since he was convinced: the system is just and will punish the conman; but when something he had to believe into turned out to be a lie, he was stunned and returned home.

Then, after a few days, Yo-Han suggests going back home, and Ga-On doesn't mind. But what he doesn't like is the reason behind his return: Yo-Han excuses himself with Elijah and her being anxious, so Ga-On lowers his eyes and sighs; however, he still comes back with Yo-Han the same evening and even waves at Elijah with a sincere smile on his face.

In the kitchen, Yo-Han's shining like a star on the Christmas tree, while Ga-On’s mood doesn't change much after he figured out who was the Elijah who missed him; he doesn't say anything, as usual discussing with Yo-Han their plans and thoughts while drinking coffee.

　

Talking about as usual: the ending of episode eight when Ga-On took Yo-Han’s side officially, is another beautiful example of how much the show hides the true motives in emotions instead of saying them out aloud.

Ga-On takes Yo-Han’s side officially, and they’re standing on a bridge both looking at the night version of Seoul; this is when an important conversation takes its beginning: Yo-Han turns back since he was one step ahead, and Ga-On turns his torso to Yo-Han, showing him he’s all ears.

The first phrase is Yo-Han’s “do you regret it?” and Ga-On’s answer of lowering his eyes; and since Yo-Han got to know some Ga-On’s expressions and their meaning by spending countless some time with him, he nods and starts listing advantages of being on his side. Ga-On lifts his eyes at “I’ll promise you one thing,” but pretty soon lowers them again, after not hearing what only he knows he expected in his head.

So while Yo-Han lights up the whole Seoul with his contentment of Ga-On taking his side officially, Ga-On tries to quickly make another reason for him helping Yo-Han. And finds it: fighting with the wrong world; and when Yo-Han accepts it, proudly lifting his head with a satisfied look in his eyes, Ga-On turns back to him for the first time after a while.

And even though officially their agreement was based only on revenge and will to change the wrong world, the first clause of their partnership was them becoming a family; so no wonder they started to act like a married couple — because they were, even though it’s written with invisible ink.

What we else don't see is Ga-On’s reaction to Yo-Han inviting Sun-Ah to their his house in episode eleven. We just see him cooking a whole banquet dinner for a guest and him being ready to interrupt and stop every small hint of flirting between Yo-Han and Sun-Ah.

But when Sun-Ah comments on him blending into this family perfectly, Ga-On starts to literally shine: he widely and sincerely smiles, being all proud and pleased with the fact of him looking like he always was there; but the moment Sun-Ah says she's envious of Yo-Han for being not alone anymore, Ga-On raises his eyes at Yo-Han with a clear sadness in his gaze. His mood drops, and the one moment he smiles after this little talk is when Ms. Ji appears in the kitchen.

Maybe it's when Ga-On understood that being colleagues and taking down the higher-ups together is good and all, but it's not what he wants. Not when it comes to Yo-Han.

Because in the same episode, just a bit later we hear Ga-On's "once this is over, I'll definitely..." when he is with Soo-Hyun in a famous restaurant. He's in a good mood, smiles, and jokes a lot that even Soo-Hyun notices the changes that happened in her friend; and maybe it's the moment Ga-On started to think about his confession to Yo-Han since he already knows when he'll tell him how he feels.

Because Yo-Han’s plans are pretty clearly shown in episode ten, in the scene of Yo-Han building a house of cards right after they caught Doh Young-Choon: he doesn't know how many floors the building will have, but what he’s more interested in is bringing the whole thing down; Ga-On lowers his eyes, thinking about something only he knows.

And when Yo-Han acts as if he’s about to put the house down, Ga-On shudders; Yo-Han says that Ga-On thought he would destroy the whole thing, Ga-On just smiles, proving his assumptions.

Note: even though the original scene didn't look like this, the original script still has Yo-Han saying “(to me) it’d more fun to bring the building down.” So we can assume that even in the original script, Yo-Han still wanted to destroy the house of cards in one movement instead of taking avenge on his enemies slowly.

But Cha Kyung-Hee shoots herself at the end of episode eleven, and the plan starts to fall apart since it lost the main key; then, everything related to Ga-On's sanity falls apart as well. For the first time since episode eight, Ga-On drinks soju. Like he did before he officially took Yo-Han's side and threw all the years of Professor's lectionaries; now he sits all alone, drinking a few bottles and being aggressive towards annoying fans of the show.

Ga-On calmed himself down: he'll wait until Yo-Han finishes his avenge. He'll talk about his feelings after this all will be over; but now, the situation is blurred and unclear, so he attempts to talk about them now, provoking and asking in what kind of monster he turns into. But Yo-Han talks only about their destroyed plans, so Ga-On’s gaze fades, even though a minute ago it was full of hope.

So the second Yo-Han starts to say that Ga-On had to cut Soo-Hyun out of his life to save the world, the decision is already made. But when Soo-Hyun starts to say that she doesn't care about what is right and what is wrong; when she talks about how she only needs him, he hears the words he wanted to hear from Yo-Han a few days ago.

The outcome we see in Soo-Hyun's case is Ga-On kissing her and her being shocked by his actions and not responding to it in any way; the outcome in Yo-Han's case is Ga-On taking away Yo-Han's hand from his shoulder and claiming that Soo-Hyun is his world, leaving pretty soon afterward.

— As in addition : the confession scene in episode thirteen... the whole speech was made for Yo-Han from the very beginning. He might have changed some parts of it to match their relationships with Soo-Hyun but the most important parts and words were all meant for Yo-Han.

First, the way how his expression when he says he wants to like her forever and that he was scared he would ruin everything is so similar to the one he had in episode ten when he was defending Yo-Han. The same smile, the same warmth in the eyes which quickly vanishes the moment he talks about their friendship in particular and him not wanting to be alone.

Second... as it was noted in @b612sunsets's gifset, the confession pretty well describes their relationships with Yo-Han, fitting in perfectly.

[iamthinkingaboutvariousthings]

I posted 1,496 times in 2022

That's 1,496 more posts than 2021!

16 posts created (1%)

1,480 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@absolutebl

@heretherebedork

@poetry-protest-pornography

@lelephantsnail

@bengiyo

I tagged 1,493 of my posts in 2022

#the eclipse - 375 posts

#big dragon - 308 posts

#the devil judge - 155 posts

#bd yaimangkorn - 132 posts

#eclipse ep 6 - 119 posts

#bd yai - 111 posts

#eclipse akkayan - 110 posts

#eclipse akk - 104 posts

#bd ep 5 - 84 posts

#eclipse ayan - 74 posts

Longest Tag: 113 characters

#i guess this is where they go when kurosawa is feeling vulnerable and adachi is feeling strong enough to help him

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Master List of The Eclipse Tags

the eclipse

eclipse akk eclipse ayan eclipse kan eclipse thua eclipse wat eclipse the world remembers (Nong, Nun, and Nian) eclipse nong nun and nian eclipse dika eclipse teacher sani eclipse teacher waree eclipse chadok eclipse namo

eclipse akkayan eclipse kanthua eclipse ayan and thua eclipse teachers eclipse prefects eclipse friendship eclipse love eclipse flirting eclipse queerness eclipse diversity cafe eclipse activism eclipse communication eclipse courage eclipse tenderness eclipse vulnerability eclipse kiss eclipse ayans mission eclipse self expression eclipse jewelry eclipse hoodie eclipse pro democracy movement eclipse antiauthoritarianism eclipse duty eclipse responsibility eclipse suppalo eclipse curse eclipse mystery eclipse homophobia eclipse fear eclipse power eclipse class and privilege eclipse parents eclipse grief eclipse pressure cooker eclipse rules eclipse cult

[remainder of tag list removed because it made the year in review post too long for tumblr 😂]

3 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

#4

behind the scenes of the photo shoot for The Devil Judge

7 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

#3

oh god, i finally watched the preview for the next episode. how can i possibly wait a week?! 😭

edit: opps this was supposed to be in my main blog. guess i'll just double post because it's that true.

9 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

#2

List of The Devil Judge Tags

the devil judge (everything The Devil Judge)

(links take you to the archive)

Themes & Plot

tdj morality tdj structure (arcs and pacing of the show) tdj mystery (what was Yohan's plan?) tdj christianity tdj gothic (gothic themes and genre structures) tdj ending tdj power games tdj gender tdj literary influences

Behind the Scenes Production

tdj creators tdj script tdj translation tdj production design tdj language tdj music

Relationships

tdj romance (YoHan and GaOn's relationship) tdj triangle (dynamics among GaOn, SuHyeon & YoHan) tdj family (Elijah, Yohan, GaOn & the housekeeper) tdj elijah & yohan tdj seonah & yohan

Characters

tdj gaon (Kim Ga On) tdj yohan (Kang Yo Han) tdj seonah (Jeong Seon Ah aka Sunah) tdj suhyeon (Yun Su Hyeon aka Yoon Soo-hyun) tdj elijah tdj isaac tdj prof min (Min Jeong Ho aka Min Jung Ho) tdj mysterious assistant (YoHan's assistant "K") tdj jae hui (SeonAh's assistant) tdj judge oh tdj attorney go (also tagged tdj lawyer ko, aka Ko In Guk) tdj minister cha (Cha Gyeong Hui, aka Gyung-hee) tdj housekeeper (Ji Young Ok) tdj pres heo (President Heo Jung Se) tdj chaebol reps (Min Yong Sik & Park Du Man) tdj bamboo spear (Kim Chung Sik or Kim Ju Won)

tag list for general BL meta & and recommendations

13 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

translation by LAZYMOODZ from the video comments. they also translate other moments.

Starting @ 27:02 *Rough translation* About (THAT) kiss scene in ep.6 (: Host: For Phayu & Rain cp, their kiss scene was screen capped a lot and it shows that it wasn't just a kiss only when it's zoomed in. There were some details. So let's talk about it, was there that much detail? Boss: Uh..... Host: Just a moment. Nong Rain first... You were the one who initiated it. You're the one giving him a reward. How do you feel seeing the screencaps that show a bit more than just a kiss? Noeul: You mean... Host: Every scene that we all were screaming about with you two. Noeul: Yes so... Host: Did you see what I saw? Noeul: Yes, I know which screencap it's about. (5555555) If you're talking about THAT screencap... it's not in the script everyone. It's what Boss and I improvised ourselves. Because like I mentioned, at that moment they are two ppl crazy in love who is sharing intimacy. And at that moment, they love each other. Boss: Yes... and I want to explain further... Host: Were you surprised? Boss: (To Noeul) Were you surprised? Host: Just think that Boss isn't here... Noeul: So actually, I can't even remember what I did. Because at that moment, I was focused on him. I wasn't thinking like... we didn't have anything in the script that says we have to, 'touch here or touch there.' I just felt that I love this person and I love him very much. He also loves me too. And I was in a happy mode. I was enjoying it. So I put everything into it. He's mine. I acted with those feelings at that time. And, I can't remember the things I did. When I watched it again... it's like what everyone saw. Host: When you saw the UNCUT did you realize what you did? Noeul: Oh, it was clear. (555555) End around 29 : 00

15 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[majiburger]

so, i finished the devil judge. spoiler-laden thoughts about the show under the cut

never have i seen a show that made me WILDLY oscillate between enjoyment and frustration like this before. i swear my opinion changed every single minute of every single episode and that was the case with the last episode too, but before i get ahead of myself, i do want to note that the casting choices for this show were excellent and i enjoyed all the actors' performances. i think they all did a great job and i'd love to see more of whatever they're in.

as for the show itself and the writing – idk! it frustrated me! there were definitely moments where i enjoyed the twists, especially the reveal that yo han had been protecting elijah all along but there were some glaring plot holes and plot twists that felt goofy and unearned. i enjoyed the live court concept and i think the show did have a nuanced portrayal of what would happen if something like that came into effect, but sometimes it stretches credulity an insane amount and you'd have to suspend your disbelief a whole lot to accept some of the events. even if it's a fictional dystopia or whatever, i feel like it still has to have some believability, but the amount yo han and the other main characters get away with is crazy. the only thing that redeems it from being completely outrageous is that the villains are rich and powerful, and i can't find it in myself to be too mad that they get cornered and punished in brutal ways with little to no opposition. clearly the show understands the public frustration with the wealth gap — the last episode having the 99% vote guilty and the 1% vote innocent is an on-the-nose representation of that sentiment, and i really liked it, but sometimes i wish the show took itself seriously! it felt rushed in a lot of places, and the lowkey ableist resolution to elijah's character arc was annoying. re-arrange some of the existing scenes and it would feel like a more tightly-knit show but as it exists now, in its current state, the pacing was all over the place.

the silver lining of this show is that even in its wildest moments, the cast is very likeable. i liked every single character (except the villains), even if i felt like some of them were underwritten/their motivations were not believable for how much the show has told us about them. that being said, they're all charming. i don't usually like numerical ratings but i'd give the show an 8 for yo han's face alone (i'm docking two points off because they made sun-ah and minister cha kill themselves though. gorgeous evil women deserve to live forever etc etc). i liked that the show was bold enough to actually let yo han get away with blowing up a bunch of rich people, i definitely thought ga-on would successfully talk him out of it😅 but i also liked the vague implication towards the end that the world isn't necessarily "fixed" because of what yo han did, and that even if yo han started a movement, its quick hype-and-die-down probably wouldn't have a long-lasting effect, but that's not what he had hoped for anyway, as his general goal as a character was to take down the srf and he did exactly that. it was realistic, even amidst the unrealistic chaos of it all, and i thought it was a decent concession for the show to make in exchange for yo han getting his revenge 😂 when the show first began, i thought we'd have more court cases but i can see how that would get monotonous after an episode or two so maybe this is the wisest route to take for a thriller. the court room scenes were very well shot though, even though i feel like the show uses the conceit of a live court WAY too much as a writing shorthand to resolve some of its plots. but. at the end of the day, i did enjoy my watch-through and i had a good time, so i consider it time well-spent

[b612sunsets]

We will receive you oh so nicely in our humble home, make you feel welcomed and when you think you stand a chance with me, guess what? Yes, Gaon is still living with me because we’re happily married. He supports my decisions and knew you were coming. Surprise?

My husband can be a bit passive aggressive, don’t worry though, he means well and I’m so f*cking lucky, proud and in love:

S: I didn’t know you had so many talents.

G: When I first met you, I didn’t know you had so many talents either :)

Elijah is our daughter that likes to joke a lot. Sometimes my hubby laughs and joins her on it. We love to tease each other. Gaon knows I would never leave him and right now he’s only helping with my plan, but then I’m the one annoyed because I wanted my hubby to at least feel jealous like the other times and they’re taking it too far, so it’s not fun anymore, I’ll put a stop to it: 

E: Are you together or not?

Y: We’re not.

G: Chief Kang told me he absolutely needs you.

Y: You’re talking too much.

S: I guess you don’t feel lonely anymore. I’m envious.

I know, I hit the jackpot with them. Let’s start eating this lovely meal made with so much care, love and time every day by my Gaon. Before that, here comes the last member of the house, remember her? Anyways, this is our little chaotic and lawful family. We will toast to it while you’re haunted by your past mistakes right in front of us, haha. Cheers to you too because I’m a gentleman:

[clonazepammer]

I’d never been so affected by a breakup since my parents got divorced.

[thequillandscreen]

I watched that ending 1000x times and here’s my take. 

This is Ji Sung we’re talking about. If we were seeing a goodbye, there would be anguish, pain in his eyes. Yohan said he didn’t care if humanity fell as long as he had Gaon and Elijah and we’re supposed to believe that he’ll take a parting so easily? No way. 

First up, Yo Han’s message to Gaon on those blueprints says: “The clean up is done. Now, isn’t there something you have to do?” This wasn’t him telling Gaon to singlehandedly fix the system forever. They both know that’s not possible. Gaon’s task, which he says himself, is to do what he can to build a world that won’t need Yohan. Then he’s done. There is an endpoint to Gaon’s work.

Yohan goes all the way back only one month later to a country where his face is well known and where he “died” as a criminal (fascinating commentary on legacy and how heo joongse and min jungho wanted to be remembered as heroes while yohan was like idgaf). And he returns for Gaon. He’s there for all of two seconds, but he leaves without talking to him. Why?

Even when Gaon chases after him, Yohan leaves with a salute. That would have been our ending, if Gaon stopped chasing him at that moment. 

That’s what Yohan wanted to find out. Gaon’s been through so much without any time to process any of it. Soohyun is dead, Yohan killed her, no wait he didn’t, his father figure is evil, Gaon almost ruined Yohan’s life, Yohan almost died twice.The man is a wreck. He needed time to process and heal. He needed time away from Yohan. 

So Yohan gives him that time. The first time Gaon came to him was because he wanted justice. Now, he wants Gaon to come to him because he wants him. 

So he makes his presence known and leaves, offering a salute as goodbye in case Gaon only feels gratitude and nothing else. But that is not what Gaon feels. He keeps going and chases Yohan down, calling him by name. Yohan stops and looks nervous before turning, then sticks his right hand out. Rather than this being an attempt at a hug (which seems out of character for Yohan to gesture that way), it was a “here I am, now what?”

Their expressions at the start are so telling. Yohan looks closed off for a few seconds while Gaon looks desperate and heartbroken, like he’s wondering if Yohan’s leaving him behind again. But Gaon starts to smile first. Yohan immediately tears up. Slowly their expressions soften, building on each other. Gaon has such evident yearning in his eyes, before he smiles with sheer adoration and Yohan looks like he’s in awe, like he can’t believe it. 

Yohan nods like he’s come to a decision and gives Gaon this very clear “see you at home” face and saunters off. Ga On was alone for a month yes, but he won’t be alone anymore and once his work is over, he’ll never be alone again.

And honestly. ONE MONTH. I’ve seen gajillion dramas have one year, two year separations. Heck Ji Sung’s last drama, Doctor John had a 3 year separation! But Yohan isn’t waiting, and that’s proof enough that he plans on holding onto his man. This is a happy ending. Because Gaon’s work will end, Elijah will recover and our lawful family will be together again. 

Also my final review article for soompi has hit 3177 words, help 

[amethystina]

Hi, I hope you're doing better! I was wondering what your take would be on Yohan's reaction to Ga On if he slipped into a coma after a serious attack or something. Because obviously there would be some abyss shenanigans, but do you think he'd be split into wanting to hover and protect Ga On while he's asleep or just getting revenge? Which do you think he'd prioritise and what do you think he'd be thinking?

I also just wanted to let you know that I find your work amazing, especially Who Holds the Devil and The Gentle Light. You mention how you're worried about letting us down with it, but I think you forget how much you've already given. It's not that we're expecting something and that you could disappoint us, but it is what you do that makes us love it more. The way you think and write are incredible, as is your perspective on the characters and their interactions. Thank you so much for all your hard work and effort!

Oooooh! That's a really interesting question! I think my answer, at least when it comes to the finer nuances, would depend on a) when this happens (i.e. during or post canon), b) if they know who might be behind it (because during canon it would be easy to assume it's Jung Sun Ah or the like) and c) what their relationship is at the time (i.e. are they still just coworkers or are they in a romantic relationship).

But, in broad strokes, I think Yo Han would prioritise getting revenge. Not because he doesn't feel a need to hover — he definitely would — but because he's a pragmatic, efficient, and goal-oriented person down to his core. Meaning that as soon as it's established that Ga On is in a coma and that there's nothing Yo Han can do to help him, Yo Han will admit that his time is best spent elsewhere.

After making sure that Ga On has the best care money can buy and bodyguards to protect him, of course.

The thing about Yo Han is that he can look past his own emotions and focus on what needs to be done in a way — and on a level — that few are capable of. Which at times makes him look rather unsympathetic, sure, but is honestly one of the ways he shows concern. Like, to him, just sitting there waiting for Ga On to wake up would probably feel like an insult to Ga On and Yo Han's devotion to him. Yo Han's instincts would tell him to DO something about it instead but, since he's not a doctor, his presence in Ga On's hospital room makes no difference whatsoever. Which means he'd decide it's better for him to focus on trying to catch and punish those who hurt Ga On.

That's not to say that he also won't spend as much time as possible hovering — especially if they're in a romantic relationship. This also depends a little on where Elijah is, but I wouldn't put it past Yo Han to — after a long day of chasing the culprit — make a habit of sleeping in Ga On's hospital room instead of going back to the house. Because Yo Han HAS to sleep eventually and so he might as well do it where he has Ga On close by.

What little time he doesn't spend chasing leads and making plans, he'd spend with Ga On.

And yes, this definitely means Yo Han wouldn't really be taking all that good care of himself, neither physically nor mentally. Like, if this is post-canon and he and Ga On are in some kind of relationship? Just IMAGINE how lost Yo Han would feel. It's clear, even in the drama, that Ga On's presence reminds Yo Han to be kinder and gentler, not just to those around him but also himself. Ga On often mentions how much Yo Han grounds him in Who Holds the Devil, but he doesn't seem to realise that it's the same for Yo Han. The only difference is the way they need to be grounded and what behaviour that grounding is preventing.

And a post-canon, lovestruck Yo Han who suddenly finds himself without Ga On's gentleness and kindness to soothe and calm him?

Yeah, that won't go well.

Not in a way that Yo Han would necessarily care about, though. Or, maybe more accurately, he'd decide it's worth the sacrifice to find whoever hurt Ga On. Even if he, deep down, would know that, no, Ga On would NOT agree with that. Ga On wouldn't want him to put himself or his humanity at risk. But that's not the same as actually having Ga On there to tell him to stop.

Like, to be honest with you, I think Yo Han might even end up being extra reckless and violent because some part of him hopes that means Ga On will come back to him sooner. As if he can force Ga On to wake up simply by doing the thing he knows Ga On hates. Maybe he's even punishing Ga On a little?

"Look at what you made me do, Ga On-ah, when you're not here to stop me."

"If you don't wake up soon, I'll do something even worse."

"This is what happens when you leave me."

Which isn't reasonable (or healthy) by any means — especially for such a calm and collected person as Yo Han — but he's also a frightened, abused child who never got to develop his emotions and social skills in a good way.

He's never been in love before.

He'd be so scared.

And desperation makes us unreasonable, especially when we're afraid we might lose someone we love. He'd grasp for whatever stability he can, especially since his usual anchor isn't there anymore. He'd look fine on the outside but, on the inside, he'd be a mess. There would be fear and pain and anger and helplessness and sorrow and hope and longing. And he wouldn't really know how to deal with all of that since, at that point, he's probably gotten used to processing most of his feelings with Ga On's — knowing and unknowing — help.

Yo Han, like many children with his history, is very adept at regulating his own emotions, mainly because he had to as a survival tactic. He probably learned from a young age which ones he was allowed to show and all the other ones were suppressed until he was out of his father's reach. He's also good at reading a room since that, too, is necessary for survival in a violent household. Granted that Yo Han now mostly uses those skills to manipulate and intimidate people, but he is well aware of emotions, how to curb them, how to influence them, and how to use them to his advantage.

What he doesn't know is how to process them in a normal and healthy way. But, in the drama, we see him begin to test the waters when it comes to using Ga On as a sounding board. He says things, sees how Ga On reacts, and gets clues on how a more well-adjusted person would process that information. And I think that's something Yo Han would continue doing, bouncing his emotions off of Ga On to see what's actually a reasonable reaction.

But, more importantly, to get validation. To see, with his own eyes, that his fear, hurt, anger, pain etc. is valid. Ga On feels it too, just from hearing of Yo Han's trauma so, clearly, it mustn't be wrong for Yo Han to feel that, too. It doesn't make him weak. He's allowed to feel that way.

I think that Ga On would become Yo Han's emotional lodestar. Which I wouldn't call healthy, exactly, but what about their relationship is? x'D

ANYWAY. The delicious consequence of this is, of course, that Yo Han is left directionless and adrift, with no way to properly handle all the very intense emotions he's feeling. And that probably means that when Ga On finally wakes up again (be it weeks or months later) Yo Han will be in such a state that the moment Ga On hugs him, he'll break.

Or, well, as close to breaking as you can get when you're Kang Yo Han.

All the emotions will come rushing to the surface since his brain just recognised that the person who usually helps him deal with all of that is back and so now it's safe to let it out, right?

Yo Han vehemently disagrees, I'm sure, because he's got a reputation to uphold! And he can't just suddenly break down in his sugar baby's arms! Especially since said sugar baby just woke from a coma and is still weak! This is so inconvenient!

Unfortunately, he doesn't have much of a choice.

Sucks to be you, Yo Han.

But at least he has Ga On there to hold him, kiss him, and make it better?

SO YEAH. Something like that, I guess? I think Yo Han would be HELLA worried but is also too goal-oriented not to choose to focus on revenge. He'd probably become incredibly restless if he didn't.

Thank you so much for your kind words 💜 To be honest with you, I often forget what I've already written. Not literally (I remember it with surprising accuracy a lot of the time) but it's sometimes difficult to remember that I've already written 400k when I always have to focus on posting the next chapter and then the next chapter and then the next chapter. I rarely get the time to sit down and just revel in what I've already written? Especially since I want the story to continue just as much as the rest of you.

And while the majority of the comments are absolutely lovely, I do sometimes get ones demanding new chapters or ones questioning the choices I make in the story (especially the length). They're definitely in a minority so far, but that doesn't stop the fear that, sooner or later, they'll become the majority.

And, more than anything, I fear the moment when I'll write a bad chapter. I don't even know what would constitute a bad chapter or what I would have to do for it to become one, but I'm still afraid of it.

Which probably isn't reasonable, but since when are our anxiety brains reasonable?

So I try my best not to think about it, and receiving such kind messages as yours definitely helps. Thank you 💜 I'm so very glad to hear that you like my works, especially my takes on the characters since that is (perhaps not so surprisingly) something I put a lot of effort into and take a lot of pride in, too. I LOVE these characters and want to do them justice by writing them as best I can, even if that means the fic ends up being the behemoth it now is because they cannot move faster than a glacier x'D

So yeah. Thank you so, so much. Both for the fun question and the encouragement. It means a lot to me :)

[film-in-my-soul]

If you don't mind, I have a dialogue request, please. Gaon to Yohan "don't ask me to keep on living without you" thanks

(Sorry this took so long to get out. Went for something with only a tinge of angst but a bit sweeter. At least that’s what I tried to do. Also not sure I'm completely happy with the pacing but it is what it is .-.)

Ga-on tries not to let the idle ringing of facetime get his hopes up. He fights the urge to run for his phone, drying off his hands on his kitchen towel just a bit quicker than he might normally to get to it faster though. He’s glad he’d kept the device close while working on cleaning up his dishes, only cursing lightly under his breath as damp fingers make it harder to unlock his screen and accept the call.

It’s with a great amount of skill that Ga-on keeps his initial smile from falling. He’d been anticipating the call from the unknown number for weeks now, but he should have known not to have greater expectations. He should be happy enough that Kang Elijah is smiling at him, welcoming, her expression already telling Ga-on how much he’s been missed. It takes the edge of disappointment away and he reminds himself that he needs to be realistic. The fact that Elijah is even willing to speak to him and is happy to see him, should be enough, even if it’s not what they both know he wants most.

“Elijah,” he sighs, because he is glad to see her, and relaxes back against his counter. “Is it too late over there for you to call? Or too early?” Ga-on knows exactly what time it is, but he likes to start the conversation off with an easy opening for her to tease him about being dumb or forgetful or just too lazy to look at a clock. She lets more truth slip if he doesn’t start by asking her how her physical therapy is doing, school, or… in his weaker moments, how Yo-han is.

Elijah indulges him with small talk for the first ten minutes but she’s quick to steer him towards talking about himself, trying to get a gauge on how he’s feeling, what work is like, and if he’s taking care of himself. It makes Ga-on fight to stop his eyes from rolling but it’s all fond exasperation rather than annoyance.

“Work is…” Ga-on pauses to think of the right words. Lately, he’s gotten bad at lying convincingly to Elijah and he’s not sure if it’s because she’s getting better at reading him or if there’s a part of him, much closer to the surface than he’d like to admit, that doesn’t want to. If Ga-on were a betting man he’d choose the latter. “Work is hard.” It’s an understatement but he thinks the young girl will understand. She’s her uncle’s niece after all.

It’s clear that Ga-on’s answer displeases Elijah because he can hear her mutter “I don’t understand why you don’t just come here.” It twists up his insides and almost makes his knees buckle with the effort it takes to not let his entire being crumple. Ga-on would like nothing more than to board a plane in the next hour and never set foot in Korea again if it meant getting to be with her and Yo-han again. He has no one left in Seoul, either buried or betrayed, and most of his long-standing social bridges are burned. He’s staggeringly alone outside these calls he gets every third week or so.

It would be incorrect to say he doesn’t have people he could see if he wanted to but… the truth is simply that he doesn’t have the desire. Kang Yo-han and his plan to topple the entire judicial circus was apparently the glue connecting most of them together and without another large-scale attack to work on they’d all drifted into their respective slots. The well-oiled cogs that the Chief Justice himself had left behind to get the right wheels turning for once. Except for Ga-on, not even a year later, already feels like he’s rusting over.

He knows that Elijah can see it. She’s made a comment about the ever-growing dark circles under his eyes each time they get to talk like this.

“I’m doing what I can Elijah and I’m okay.” He is, at least for the most part.

More than anything Ga-on is numb to it. He lets himself walk into the office on a cloud of apathy because if he doesn’t, he’s pretty sure he’s going to snap at the next judge in his sixties questioning his ability to adjudicate cases because of his age and perceived lack of experience. Ga-on, instead of smiling politely, wishes he could crowd into their faces and explain just how much “experience” he has, how he’d strapped himself into a live bomb just to make sure the world left behind in the wake of his self-destruction might seem like it means anything.

Elijah’s cough brings him back and he shakes away the simmer of rage in his chest, apologizing lightly to the girl. They continue their conversation for another thirty minutes until there’s a sound of a door opening somewhere on Elijah’s end. Ga-on knows immediately that it’s Yo-han coming home because of the way the girl tenses and quickly tells him a future date for the next time she’ll call before hanging up.

When Ga-on’s face reflects at him from a blank screen he lets his demeanor drop. This is always the worst part, having to wait for Elijah to call him back because Yo-han doesn’t know that they’re speaking. It’s a punch to the gut every time he’s reminded. Ga-on knows, realistically, that they don’t have to speak, that he doesn’t need to lay awake at night wondering if Kang Yo-han is happy in Switzerland with Elijah, enjoying the fruits that years of blood and sacrifice have earned him. But he does. Because even though Ga-on is in Korean, he’s not. His heart isn’t. It’s with the family he’d accidentally made for himself in the two Kangs and he’s been left behind without that, without anything and it’s not okay.

He has to go on pretending it is.

With a sigh, Ga-on jots down the day Elijah has given him and goes back to his chores. He still goes through the motions of existing, even though after these calls are the times he wants nothing more than to not.

Somehow the universe has heard his remark on work being “hard” and decides he no longer understood what that word means and would need a very stark reminder. He spends the next two weeks up to his elbows in case files for an utterly befuddling work strike issue. There’s testimony from over a dozen witnesses attesting to worker abuse, on top of evidence and suppression requests he has to prepare to rebuttal. It’s… a lot and by the end of it, organizing all the information, triple-checking witness statements, and cross-referencing law code, he’s not even the one who gets it presides over the case. Endless nights, living off caffeine pills and rice balls, and he’s told: “good work” with a pat on the back and a handwaving dismissal.

If Ga-on’s vision hadn’t been blurring at the edge from exhaustion he thinks the anger and indignation welling inside would have killed him and everyone else in the room. Instead, he gets a cab home, seething but too tired to do anything else that isn’t dropping, still fully clothed, into his bed to finally get some sleep.

When he wakes up he’s feverish, disorientated, and his throat feels like he’s swallowed a cactus. With an email sent to work from his phone advising he’ll be taking sick leave, a cold shower, and a can of soup, Ga-on settles back into bed for what he assumes will be a few days to sleep off whatever bug he’s caught.

This turns out to not be the case, and by the time Ga-on, four days later, has sweat through two sets of bed sheets he doesn’t have the physical strength to even drag himself into a taxi to go to the hospital.

There are only a few hours between restless sleeping and feverish consciousness that Ga-on is granted moments of lucidity. It’s in one of those that he thinks, maybe he’d missed something important…

The next time he wakes up, however many hours later, on whatever day of this hellish sickness it is, it’s nighttime and Ga-on is fairly sure that dehydration and a high temperature are combining to grant him very pleasant visual and auditory hallucinations. There’s a hand running through his damp fringe and a cool towel has been placed on his forehead.

Ga-on’s first delirious thought is that its Soo-hyun but even his overheated brain knows that it’s impossible, a figment of his imagination or not he knows that she isn’t the first person who would show up, not anymore.

Those carefully fingers stroke through his hair again, and through the blur of sleep and exhaustion, Ga-on forces his vision to focus. Dark eyes, almost hidden by a curtain of soft-looking brown locks, crow’s feet just subtly at their corners… he would know them anywhere, an arm’s length away or across a bustling lobby, crinkled in a slight smile…

Kang Yo-han is staring down at him, mouth turned down at the corner but not exactly frowning.

“Back with us Kim Ga-on?” His voice is a familiar rumble and Ga-on feels his heart constrict at hearing it… it’s been so long, and he thinks the memory of its timbre had started to fade away. When he tries to speak there’s suddenly the lip of a glass against his mouth and a large palm pushing his shoulders forward so he’s off the bed and can swallow without choking.

Once he’s managed his drink, only a little spilling at the corner of his lips, quickly wiped away by patient fingers, Ga-on sits himself up, regretting only momentarily the loss of Yo-han’s warm palm on his back.

“How…” he stops himself. That’s not important. Ga-on forces his brain to pivot, there are a million and one questions swimming between his ears, and none of them matter all that much in the moment. “You’re here,” is what he decides on, it’s not a question, but it’s a statement rife with uncertainty. Ga-on is not past the idea that this could all be in his head.

The words appear to amuse Yo-han, but even in his debilitated state, Ga-on can read the way his expression is pinched. Is it concern? Annoyance? Too many options and he doesn’t have the brain power to settle on which one.

“You missed check-in.” Ga-on doesn’t understand what that means and it’s probably clear from whatever his face is doing, because even though he hasn’t responded with words, Yo-han is rolling his eyes. “Elijah called and you didn’t answer,” he clarifies.

Oh.

“You don’t know Elijah and I talk though.” Ga-on is confused and the fever isn’t helping, his weak constitution only allowing for that confusion to double over in how childish it makes him sound. Regardless he’d been sure all these months, by how secretive Elijah was with the whole thing, that Yo-han was unaware of their communication.

The older man scoffs under his breath and replaces the cloth on Ga-on’s head with a fresh one, the chill of it making him shiver.

“Who do you think pays Elijah’s phone bill?” Ga-on thinks that makes sense, plus he should have figured Yo-han would know, he’s too smart, too well-versed in subterfuge to not recognize it from his own kin. “She was worried,” Yo-han starts up again, bringing the glass back to Ga-on’s mouth so that he’ll drink again. “When you didn’t pick up the second time, she came to me convinced I’d done something or somehow made you upset enough not to want to talk to her. Of course, when I assured her that wasn’t the case, she refused to let it drop until I did something.”

Ga-on thinks that somewhere, loosely, that all makes sense, but something digs at him and as much as he’d like to summon all his strength and indignation to argue how it apparently took almost dying on his sickbed (dramatic, but he feels like he’s been run over and put in an oven) for Yo-han to reward him with his presence once again, Ga-on doesn’t. When he thinks about it, the thoughts taking longer and longer to piece together, it doesn’t matter all that much. Ga-on would have taken much less actually and still, somehow been happy with it. Healthy? No, but he’s not in any state to lie to himself. He’s moved past so many other things in his life, with Kang Yo-han specifically, what’s eight months of heartache and waiting to just brush under the rug between them?

Instead of holding on to what little resentment remains, Ga-on decides to prompt Yo-han instead. However Yo-han chooses to respond will tell Ga-on everything he needs to know right at this moment.

“You could have sent someone to check on me.” It’s the truth, it would have also been the easiest thing to do. Even if Elijah had thrown a fit, Yo-han would have been able to justify it to her. This… coming to see him, nursing him back to coherence apparently, was much more than he’d needed to do. They both know it.

Yo-han’s lip quirks into a smirk, knowing he’s been caught out and contemplating how he wants to answer. If he chooses to make an excuse, they’ll both know he’s denying the reality of what this all is and Ga-on wants desperately for him not to, but he’ll understand either way. Even if it hurts.

Again, Yo-han brushes his fingers carefully through Ga-on’s hair and the comforting gesture leaves the younger weaker than any sickness could. His eyes close involuntarily and it’s a fight to open them again.

“You’re right,” Yo-han agrees with a hum, “I could have.” But he didn’t and it’s what isn’t being said that makes something dangerously hopeful swell in Ga-on’s chest. Has he finally done enough? Is he finally allowed to come home?

Something flickers across Yo-han’s expression, like something shattering, and Ga-on is confused by it, but his vision is also starting to swim again, and the awareness from before that made Yo-han stand out against the darkness of his bedroom is slipping. The fever is coming back to take him again.

“Sleep,” Yo-han says, placing his hand against Ga-on’s collar to gently guide him back to the pillows. Ga-on can only put up the briefest of fights but somehow manages to get a loose grip around Yo-han’s wrist when he moves to pull away.

There’s a moment of heavy silence between them.

“Ga-on-”

“Don’t…” Ga-on swallows and struggles to keep his voice from slurring. He feels like if he lets Yo-han go right now, if he lets him take his hand away and falls asleep, he’ll lose him again for a third time. “Don’t go.” He feels like a child, but the shame can’t reach him through the fuzz in his brain and he’ll use his current weakness as an excuse if he needs to. “Don't ask me to keep on living without you.” Because if Yo-han were to leave now that’s exactly what he’d be doing. He’d be asking Ga-on to keep on the path, to have his calls with Elijah pretending that Yo-han isn’t just a room away ignoring his existence. He doesn’t want to do that. He can’t.

Before Yo-han can respond Ga-on loses the battle of keeping his eyes open but he refuses to let his grip be broken, at least until Yo-han gently pries the circle of his fingers apart.

“Don’t…” Ga-on breathes out, voice sounding far away even to his own ears.

“Sleep Ga-on. It’ll be alright.” Ga-on wants to believe that so much but he’s not sure he does. How can anything be alright when he’s back to not being convinced this isn’t some torturously vivid dream.

It doesn’t matter. His brain is fried again, and sleep takes him away from the muted sensations of the world until it’s all black again.

The final time Ga-on comes back to himself it’s with a headache throbbing behind his eyes but with mercifully clear sinuses. There’s slanting light, early morning sunshine, slipping through the slots in his window shade and Ga-on, taking stock of himself, notes he’s in fresh clothing, hardly feeling any stale sweat against his skin.

It’s the only evidence that what could have been a dream hadn’t been. Kang Yo-han is not in Ga-on’s open apartment to offer any other proof.

He tries not to let that knowledge hurt so much.

When he turns to slide out of bed, the wetness of unshed tears in his eyes clouding his vision, it almost causes him to overlook the bottle of water and medication on his side table, an envelope taped to the plastic. Crushing disillusionment is replaced by confusion and curiosity and he reaches out, taking the paper, half expecting it to just have simple instructions for him to take the medication and stay hydrated. It doesn’t.

There’s nothing written on the envelope but Ga-on can feel paper inside. With trembling fingers and a pressure building in his throat, Ga-on flips up the unsealed opening and takes out the first sheet that’s inside. Its note clearly ripped off from one of his legal pads and it takes a force of nature for him to not crush the slip in his hand under the force in which he exhales.

‘When you’re feeling better. Come home.’

If there are tear stains on the one-way plane ticket that’s between him and the flight agent he hands it to three days later.

Thank you for reading.

MASTERLIST

[maystea]

The difference between Kim Ga-On and Kang Isaac.

The Devil Judge and its creators are trying very hard to make us believe that Isaac and Ga-On are very similar to each other. But at the same time, they show us that no, these two people are polar opposites.

And they show it the best way they can. Through gazes and emotions.

The first scene when Isaac appears, it's the end of episode one. When Yo-Han looks at Ga-On and raises his hand, not being able to believe that his brother, Isaac is right here, alive and looking at him (we’ll talk about the whole scene a little bit later).

— And this is when the first mismatch happens.

While Isaac looks at Yo-Han with regret, Ga-On doesn't even try to hide his disgust towards his Chief.

Ga-On looks with disbelief that such a devil exists and that he pretends to be a good guy while being heartless, while Isaac is sorry for not being here anymore, for leaving him alone in this world.

— The second mismatch happens in Yo-Han’s most vulnerable moment.

Ga-On comes into Yo-Han’s bedroom without knocking, asking if he had a nightmare. Ga-On asks with worry in his voice, coming closer to check if he’s fine.

And the one whom Yo-Han had a nightmare about looks with conviction in his eyes, not saying a word, not even moving. Just staring with the fire around.

I don't know the reason why Isaac had this expression. Maybe it's for contrast... or maybe there’s another reason I missed so please let me know!!

— And now, let's talk about Yo-Han’s reaction (s). We’ll take the end of episode one and the beginning of episode five.

Once again, the first time Isaac is shown to us is the end of episode one. Yo-Han raises his hand like he doesn't believe that he’s here, in front of his eyes.

The same thing happens in episode five when he raises his hand to Isaac standing right in front of him. The situations are similar, both moments Yo-Han has Isaac alive in his imagination.

— But this is when an important difference takes place in.

The moment when Yo-Han understands that the person standing on the tribune is not Kang Isaac but Kim Ga-On, it's the moment when he lowers his hand. We don't see his emotions since the camera is too far away.

But we can see Yo-Han’s expression in episode five. It’s pain, which is all over his body. He lowers his hand, in pain. He looks, in pain. His whole body is in pain.

— In episode one, Yo-Han turns to Ga-On with a smile on his face. Cunning and victorious, he already has plans and thoughts running in his head.

And once again, it's polar opposite from what we see in his nightmare. Tears and hurt, Yo-Han’s living in a hell of memories inside his mind which has no doors nor windows. He’s a victim of his own life.

The main difference between Ga-On and Isaac is not only in their gazes or the way they see the world (I’ll write a post about this one a little bit later). It's about how they’re seen by Yo-Han himself. It's about how the revenge for the past, painful and lonely, helps find the future, happy and with the people Yo-Han loves.

But they have something in common. No matter what, they love Yo-Han endlessly. They’re ready to give their lives for him, even though their love is the polar opposites.

Part two.

Bonus: both of them being shy when Elijah asks if she interrupted something.

[kingkangyohan]

Just a post to say Kim Ga On loves to have a family as well.

So very often I read about what Ga On brings inside the Kang house and the good he does for the family, restoring a long lost warmth.

But, here we have Kim Ga On, who has lost his parents when he was way too young, who used to prepare meals with his family and eat them together and now lives and cooks alone.

Not only he found someone to take care of in Elijah and Yo Han -instead of his plants-, igniting his caring instinct, he regained what he lost al those years ago. Something he dearly missed. He found an happiness he thought gone forever.

Like the habit of waiting for everyone before eating dinner, I am sure it comes from his family. He recreated what he think a family is with the Kangs. They gave him a home.

Or better, they gave him a house, together they made it a home.

He is happier because of what they are gifting him: the chance of a family. -I know this is not a groundbreaking concept and pretty obvious, but I urged to write it down because.-

I think is relevant for this point to tackle also what happened in Ep 12. They breakup after Yo Han threatens what was left off of his idea of family before Yo Han: Soo Hyun.

He uses a specific expression: she is my world.

While it can be perceived as romantic, in the economy of the series the same expression was used already by Elijah, telling Kim Ga On himself that Yo Han was all her world.

[Now, I should double check this and understand if it was the same wording in Korean or just Viki’s english sub.]

Yo Han is not aware of it, but Ga On is using what has been established as family lexicon.

My take on what happens next, with Ga On proposing to Soo Hyun, is now that he knows again what having a family is like, he is willing to accept Soo Hyun’s romantic feelings. Not as a replacement, but he is driven by the desire to seek again that warmth - in a way that he also consider “proper”, and morally acceptable.

He doesn’t seek romance, he is craving for family.

Because, at the end of the day, despite the deceiving and mind games, Ga On happiness in the house was real.

[mgsapphire]

A dystopia where sorority is weaponized...?

Ethology (Study of Animal Behavior)

Something that seemed interesting to me since the beginning of the series is how Kang Yo Han perceived himself as an outsider. It is not that he is rich and enjoys chaos, but that he has always been excluded from society due to his upbringing, in which he was isolated. He learned about human interactions from books and that one maid. He's not part of humanity but an outsider that is fascinated by how predictable their behavior can be.

As part of his upbringing and the trauma he holds, he's also very aware of the darkest parts of humans, and I bet if he were to be asked if humans are inheretly good or bad, he would respond that they're merely animals of instinct with a hyper developed sense of self. As in, humans, for him, will only look after themselves and no one else.

Adding to this, in the latest episode, when Kim Ga On tries to attack him because he thinks he was involved in the incident surrounding Yoon Soo Hyun, he reacts aggresively, showing an act of dominance, but when you analyze the scene closely, you realize it was a self preservation act. A trauma response, if you will. He hates being touched due to the abuse he endured.

What is family?

Something that I loved about this particular scene, and why I screenshoted it despite the awkwardness it has in it, is not that they're having a tender moment between the three, or that there's a table full of food, or even the fact that Kang Yo Han is acting childish but the reason why he's acting childish.

He views Ms. Ji as a mother figure, and she caught him red handed doing something he has never done for her. Kang Yo Han definitely has felt sorry for her multiple times, but I bet this was bad because he doesn't know how to react.

It is not that Yo Han grew up without a family, but that his family was weird, and at the center of it was Ms. Ji, who he has come to disappoint due to piled up misunderstandings. Kang Yo Han does love her, but he doesn't know how to face her disappointment, and the pain he has caused her.

For Kang Yo Han, family is something you protect and care for silently, because he was never at the forefront of it. Also, in this shot, other things we can see, is how he feels about the rest of his "family" based on how he paces the room and the distance he has from them.

Another scene that is worth noting under this title is the one in which we can see how deep the misunderstandings and miscommunications between Yo Han and Elijah run. It is not that there isn't love between them, but that when we face grief, we also wish to put blame on someone. Elijah puts blame on Yo Han to deal with her grief, and Yo Han just takes it without explaining his actions.

It is fair that Elijah feels that way, because in trying to protect her, Yo Han, instead, seems to communicate he wants to control her and that he doesn't trust her.

It is not until they face their own pain, that they'll be able to understand each other.

What kind of coin are we tossing now?

You remember how I said Kang Yo Han and Kim Ga On are two sides of the same coin? A duality of sorts? I think the same can be said about Kang Yo Han and Jeong Seon A. But this isn't a coin that's set by Yo Han. If anything, he's trying to run from the world Jeong Seon A has built and where she wants to position him.

They're both manipulative beings but for completely different purposes and completely different roots. If anything, we can see them as a form of convergent evolution - when completely different species develop similar traits- they became the way they were due to completely different reasons. They may look similar on the outside, but their core values and motives are so far parallel lines, they will not touch.

On one hand, Ms. Jeong is like that due to the inferiority complex she had when young, and her disdain for the rich, her manipulative tactics were a way to climb up and gain. On the other hand, Judge Kang became that way as a mean to escape abuse and to protect himself from further harm. You see? In a way, they both became the way they did due to survival, and have therefore, developed the same skills, despite how different they are.

Judge Kang is a shark and Ms. Jeong is a dolphin.

How Ms. Jeong uses her position as a woman to her advantage.

Am I obsessed with the perceived villain of the story? Yes. We ought to talk about how Ms. Jeong has played her game so far. She's never the one in power in front of others, she's but a messenger, and a messenger can never be shot. It's common courtesy.

Furthermore, Ms. Jeong, aware that others perceive women as weak, takes this to her advantage. That's why she's able to do it all in the shadows. Only two people have seen through her, and that's because she likes Judge Kang too much, and because Minister Cha became a small fish entangled in the fight between two particularly smart species.

Once again, I have to compliment how this is masterfully conveyed through the cinematography of the show. In the first shot (that I put in the bottom for some reason), she's but a wallflower, not meant to be seen or heard, letting Minister Cha be perceived as the one of power in the room.

When alone, she positions herself in the same place Minister Cha was just on, and spreads herself. Her body language, and the way the scene is shot is enough to convey how truly powerful she is.

Knowing that women are perceived as weak, she uses other women to get her means, because they will pass under the radar in front of arrogant men who think themselves the center of attention. The cards she plays always involve a woman:

Enhacing Minister Cha's motherhood to incite public empathy.

Manipulating the wives and not the husbands.

Planting a seed in Judge Oh to change the system.

Having her assistant be a woman.

Presenting herself as a compassionate secretary.

This kind of attention to character building and complexity is to be commended, but I can't help but realize this is also a script written by a man. Why must sorority be weaponized for a story to move forward? Still, it is quite the fresh take.

Manipulating the public's opinion is easier than one may think at first

A big part of the message tried to convey by The Devil Judge is how dangerous media representation and authority bias can be. It is no secret.

It does it in both subtle and forefront ways. On the former, it does it by showing parts where Minister Cha is rallying for sympathy from the viewers, where hypocrisy is shown, or well, where people seem to have woken up from the daze they were in. Meaning, they begin to question the actions perceived as immoral, absolving themselves from it. Another example is the president portraying himself as normal.

In less subtle ways, but way more gutural is the way kids were playing about flogging and how, because Judge Kang viewed it as just, his fanatics started mimicking and distorting the behavior in a vigilante manner.

This reminds me a lot of the Milgram Experiment once again, where because there's no authority putting a limit, those underneath continue to push despite their awareness of possible harm and immorality of their actions.

Here, terms as authority bias, Argument from authority, belief perseverance are important. A similar experiment is that of The Third Wave movement, where a teacher explained by demonstration how easy it is to manipulate the masses to have a certain set of beliefs, despite their own morality.

[three--rings]

The Devil Judge Ep 11

I’m only 20 minutes in but I have to scream..

Okay so, I’m not taking the het-bait because this is obviously Yo Han fucking with Seon Ah by giving her Exactly what she wants Most.  But like the fucking Beauty of that dinner scene, with Ga On like smirking on like he knows exactly what’s going on and Yo Han filled him in completely beforehand.

Which, like, is giving HUGE They Fucked vibes.  Like Ga On is sitting there watching Yo Han flirt with their enemy and they keep looking at each other and they’re just smiling confidently.  Like, it’s really giving Secret Boyfriend vibes. 

Especially with Elijah being all “you’ve never brought a woman home” and Ga On I swear fucking smirked and I KNOW Yo Han did. 

Anyway, fuck, this show is really having fun with itself, you know?

The jenga scene OMG.  Umm, hi, lawyers?  Other people are in the room. 

I’m also not taking the Ga On het bait.  When this is over I’ll definitely....tell her you’re gay? 

Anyway honestly not much in the rest of the ep surprised me.  And that’s a fairly weak cliffhanger, honestly.

[killerandhealerqueen]

Man-child, sulking Kang Yo Han and Ga On is the only one who can take care of him, please.

When Gaon came home from spending a day out with Soohyun, he's carrying a few packages in his hands because you know, he's a nice person and bought gifts for Yohan and Elijah because he likes to spoil them rotten (not like they're not already spoiled but that's besides the point)

Normally Yohan is the first person to greet him when he comes home but this time he's not greeted by either Yohan or Elijah, making him frown. He then heads into the dining room and drops the packages off, making sure to grab a package before he heads upstairs to Elijah's bedroom

He then knocks on the door before he turns the knob and pushes open the door to see Elijah sitting at her table, reading a book. When Elijah hears her door open, she looks over at him and smiles

"Gaon"

Gaon smiles and holds up the package as he walks over to her, handing it to her. Elijah looks at him in confusion and Gaon just smiles and motions for her to open the package

Elijah then reaches into the package and pulls out really expensive paints, causing her to gasp and look up at him with wide eyes as he smiles

"Since you like to paint, I thought I would get you some new paints"

"But these are expensive!"

"I know, which is why I expect you to use them"

Elijah nods and places the paints down before she wheels over to Gaon and hugs him tightly because 1) she loves the paints and 2) she's never got a gift this nice before. I mean, she has, but this time it feels different

Gaon laughs and pets her hair before he looks down at her

"Where's your uncle? He didn't greet me when I came home"

Elijah huffs as she looks up at him, her arms still around him

"He's sulking in his study with Kkomi"

Gaon frowns

"Sulking? Why?"

Elijah shakes her head and Gaon sighs and shakes his head before he looks at elijah

"Guess I should go make him stop sulking, hmm?"

Elijah nods and releases her arms from around him and Gaon heads to the door to head downstairs to Yohan's study when Elijah turns to look at him

"Gaon!"

Gaon stops and looks back at her, raising an eyebrow

"Hmm?"

Elijah points to her paints and smiles

"Thank you"

Gaon nods and heads out of Elijah's room, closing the door behind him before he heads downstairs to the dining room, grabbing Yohan's package before he heads into the study, where Yohan is sitting on the couch, Kkomi in his arms

"So a little birdie told me you were sulking like a big baby"

Yohan turns to see Gaon smiling at him as he walks into the study and places the package down before him as he sits down on the other side of the couch, looking at Yohan with a raised eyebrow

Yohan looks at him before he huffs

"I do not sulk"

"You don't sulk, my ass. What would you call this then?" *motions to all of Yohan*

Yohan huffs before he looks at Gaon

"Did you have fun with Soohyun?"

Gaon nods

"I did"

Yohan hums and Gaon looks at him before he raises an eyebrow

"Sir, are you...are you jealous?"

Yohan's eyes widen and he looks over at him in shock

"I am not jealous!"

Gaon rolls his eyes and gives him a look

"You know you were more than welcome to come with me...Soohyun wouldn't have minded"

Yohan shakes his head

"I didn't want to ruin your time with your best friend"

Gaon rolls his eyes again before he leans over and flicks Yohan in the head

"Then stop sulking and being sad, you big weirdo"

Yohan glares at him before he looks at the package with curiosity

"What's that?"

Gaon looks over at the package before he smiles

"It's a present"

Yohan blinks before he looks at Gaon in confusion

"For me?"

Gaon laughs

"Who else?"

He then reaches out and takes Kkomi from Yohan's arms as he motions for Yohan to open the package

Yohan looks at him before he reaches out and takes the package, reaching into it, pulling out a small box, which he opens to reveal a

rather expensive tie and cuff links set in a beautiful shade of dark red

His eyes widen in surprise and he looks over at Gaon as Gaon smiles

"Thought you could use some color in your wardrobe"

Yohan looks back at the tie and cuff link set and smiles slightly, making Gaon smile before he scoots over to Yohan and rests his chin on his shoulder

"Will you stop sulking now?"

Yohan looks over at him before he huffs and leans forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead

"For now"

Gaon scoffs and rolls his eyes but he'll take it

The next time he and Yohan go into work, he sees Yohan wearing the tie he bought him and he smiles.  Guess Yohan liked his present