#a belief that his choices are the right and better choices than theirs

[heretherebedork]

The thing for me is, Mew isn't holding a gun to Top's head (yet). And Mew represents just as many people as these other characters, if not more. He has every right to need trust and require proof of trustworthiness on his own terms, just as Top has the power to walk away if he objects. But he agreed. So a lot of the takes and impressions I see about Mew just feel a bit overthought and projected. If he's ever going to consciously be manipulative, it'll be to break bad on Top and Boston after he finds out. He yells at Top in the trailer "Why do I have to find out all this shit on the day I already love you and give you everything?!" - and then smirks(?) as his back is turned while Top hugs him, who looks like all his life choices are flashing before his eyes. So maybe that's meant to be his and Nick's arc, for us to see how the world of love sex and relationships is not idealistic, and how it inevitably changes those within it that are.

That's fine.

Look, I just want to enjoy the idea of a virgin who's also allowed to be manipulative and to use sex and to use his attractiveness and to use his body without having sex. I love the idea. I want it to be true. I want it to happen.

Mew is also absolutely using Ray and his love for him. And that's great!

I want Mew to already know what he's doing and to be looking fire in the eyes with Top and enjoying it nonetheless, to be enjoying because he wants this to go exactly how he wants.

Is it true? Pffft, like I know.

All I know is that I want it and I love that idea.

I don't want Mew to truly be the innocent one who learns through this and only discovers this side of himself because of Top.

I want Mew to know. I want him to know what he values and what that is worth to him and what he wants and to get what he thought he could get and what he was sure he wanted and then to use to keep twisting, to keep twisting Top around his finger tighter and tighter.

Will it happen? Probably not.

But I love that idea of Mew. I love that image of Mew. I love a Mew who can and would use his sexuality without having sex because he wants this. He wants Top like the prize everyone else sees him as and he wants him all to himself but he is still using him the same as everyone else.

Yes, Mew and Nick are likely to be the ones to blow the whole thing open but, in my own way, I want Top and Ray to be the most hurt by the whole thing exploding. I want everyone to be hurt and I want pain but I don't want this to just be Mew's innocence being used against him.

[kiachiako]

april nct recs

my library of favorites from APR <3 all creds to authors

[ sorted by word count ]

series

JAEMIN | better than your next (i'm the next) | @ddeonuism 11.9k [ part one ]

RENJUN | messenger | @dojunie — smau | You find a phone number written on the mirror of the Sulim Library's second floor bathroom. It’s scrawled messily across the glass in erasable expo marker, the handwriting underneath almost closer to hieroglyphics than lettering— and what you thought it read, was ‘SEND DUCK PICS FOR A GOOD TIME.’ (You suppose, in hindsight, it was a good thing this person’s penmanship was so shit— because if you knew what it really said, you might have never stumbled across the oddly intriguing inbox of one Huang Renjun.)

oneshots

[m] JAEHYUN | seeds of pomegranates | @anashins 29.5k — The day the god of the underworld steals you away, he expects to have found a timid wife to make his isolated life more bearable. Little does he know that the rose he picked from the garden called earth bears knives instead of thorns, and he might not have found a timid wife, but a queen with a heart as dark as his.

[m] JAEHYUN | hearts are won at practice | @angelwonie 21.2k — jung jaehyun is an obnoxious, way too handsome footballer whom you have no intention of getting to know. at least until a series of coincidences forces you to spend time with him, and you realize there might be more to him than what meets the eye.

CHENLE | potential | @rrxnjun 20k — rich kids au, childhood friends au, friends with benefits au. angst, fluff, suggestive | You saw his potential without seeing credentials. And maybe that's the issue.

[m] HAECHAN | monochrome | @sundaysundaes — Lee Donghyuck once believed in the concept of soulmates—how fate would connect a red thread from one lover to another, in a form of dreams and memories. That was how his parents met, that was how they claimed their happiness, and he wanted nothing more but to live his life the way they lived theirs. Until one day, as he sees her slipping away from his hands, he has no choice but to stop believing entirely.

CHENLE | i still love you | @xiaodejunletsact 17.4k — high school can be complicated. thats why when your crush of three years, zhong chenle, approaches you out of nowhere offering to drive you home you are right to question his intentions.

HAECHAN | free trial wedding style | @liliansun 10.6k — when a random, cute, guy comes up to you and practically asks for you to follow along, you do so without much thought. that is until you get home and see he’s your new neighbor who just might need your help a little more than you expected.

[m] HAECHAN + MARK | the girl is mine | @luvrkives 10.5k — mark and hyuck can't stop fighting over you. who fucks you better, who makes you laugh more, who you like most, who fucks you better, yada yada yada. but honestly, why argue when you would happily take them both?

JAEHYUN | love you goodbye | @serendipityseulgi 10.3k — the one with the story of dysfunctional love between you and jaehyun. aka, you both want different things and your love isn’t always enough.

[m] JOHNNY | color evasion | @ncteez 8.7k — or the one where you join a kink website and a specific dom’s profile catches your attention enough to actually meet him at a hotel and practically ignore your safe words bc man, he’s good. 

[m] HAECHAN + JAEHYUN | mine too | @waithyuck 7.5k — donghyuck x jaehyun x reader (f), smut, basically pwp

JAEHYUN | eye of affection | @aitarose 6.6k — for as long as he can remember, jaehyun’s world has been in black and white - giving him no reason to appreciate his mother’s profession as an artist and the beauties that art can provide. however, an accidental meeting with you gives him reason to doubt his former beliefs - proving to him that there may be true beauty in a world that’s void of everything bright, that beauty being the sunshine that you provide. 

HAECHAN | full of love (and stars) | @httplastic 6k — friends/roommates to lovers, light angst

[m] HAECHAN | unavoidable | @sunpopz 5.8k — after swearing to yourself you're done catching feelings for people; you meet someone who makes that incredibly difficult. you think you can avoid him... then you're assigned a final together.

RENJUN | hard to let go | @cinnajun 4.3k — your high school friend group had an ambiguous and messy end, and you never got any closure for anything. two years later, and lee donghyuck’s girlfriend lives on the same floor as you, and you’re forced to face huang renjun, whose abandonment hurt you the most.

HAECHAN | she's quiet | @ijuliet 3.4k — although you were not looking to make new friends, the ones you had tried their hardest to push you out of your comfort zone to find something abnormal for you. which is why you’re at a frat party on a thursday night, watching as lee donghyuck observes you from afar.

[m] HAECHAN | all bark no bite | @jjsneo 2.5k — lee haechan is the most annoying man you’ve ever encountered. but that doesn’t mean you don’t find him hot; and maybe that’s why he has you flat on his mattress one night at a random frat party.

JAEHYUN | in the rain | @sehunniepotwrites 1.9k — All this time, you were looking for love in the wrong places and in the wrong people. As a serial dater, you never thought you would find it in the pouring rain and in the person you trusted the most. 

. . .

ur fav recs n fics blog is back hehe | happy reading <3

xoxo

[the-obnoxious-sibling]

derailing the very serious thematic discussion on shanks but imagine if buggy just knows shanks is a celestial dragon and while it feeds in his insecurities he also just never brings it up. there is this whole huge reveal woah shanks is a figarland and buggy doesn't even flinch "lol I already knew" . and everyone around him has to refrain from strangling him because "why the fuck didn't u bring this very important detail up u moron"

[on ao3]

buggy felt weird about shanks for a few days after the crew passed through sabaody—they didn’t stick around too long, but you only need to see a celestial dragon once for it to stick in your memory—but the crew was quick to shoot down the idea of shanks being inherently superior or whatever, and the most vehement denier of the idea was shanks himself.

those guys are so dumb! shanks declared. what do they even wear those goofy helmets for?! i breathe the same air as you just fine.

and it’s not like anyone ever heard of celestial dragons on the whole being, like, super good treasure hunters or sword fighters or anything. so if shanks was good at that stuff, it was because roger and rayleigh and the rest taught him right.

buggy… well, he did his best. maybe he’d’ve done better with different teachers, or learning different things. who knows. but shanks wasn’t better than him because he was born better, he was better because he worked for it.

buggy never let shanks think he believed otherwise. when he complained about shanks beating him, it was always paired with cries of unfair! or cheater! even long after they went separate ways, buggy’s declarations of hatred always had specific details built in. he hated shanks for his choices, for his soft hearted beliefs. not for anything inherent to him.

so when the marines let the truth slip—well, when they arrange for the truth to come out, hoping to prevent the other emperors from wanting to work with shanks—buggy’s expression stays impassive.

so that’s why… someone murmurs, and he snorts.

no. nothing shanks ever accomplished has anything to do with those people. buggy scowls. i hate him, but he’s always been entirely his own man.

…you already knew.

you do remember he and i grew up together, right? i’ve known as long as he has.

you never said.

it didn’t matter. buggy shrugs. still doesn’t, as far as i’m concerned.

some of cross guild’s leadership may take the time, later, in private, to convey to buggy that his idea of what matters doesn’t line up with theirs, but buggy’s opinion remains unchanged. shanks is shanks—nothing more, nothing less.

[wartsandwarlocks]

Smoke

Remus Lupin really liked smoking. No, Remus Lupin really loved smoking. He’d begun in fourth year after some Ravenclaws gifted him an old pack of theirs as their room was getting searched for more cigarettes. After that, he just never stopped. But since Remus Lupin, contrary to popular beliefs, was such an organized person, he had an organized way of smoking too.

The first step consisted in getting to his pack. Knowing rooms were constantly searched, he had hidden each and every single one of them in his sock drawer, inside a folded boxer he no longer used. He knew his prefects, he had ‘befriended’ them and he knew they would never search there, and he knew perfectly well that if Minnie were to search their room she would never ever handle his neatly folded boxers.

The second step was dressing for the occasion, which depended on the season. Tonight was a particularly cold October night, meaning Remus had to wear his warmest clothes not to freeze to death. He had a proper jumper he wore whenever he smoked. An old red gryffindor jumper, broken in the seams and barely fitted him, which is why it was perfect. Under his jumper came his pijamas, and for this particularly cold evening, he wore another jumper under it. It was black and stained, it had belonged to James, or Sirius, but at some point it just became the jumper laying between their beds. Remus grabbed it and wore it whenever it was too cold to be outside wearing anything less. He also needed socks. Not one pair, but two. The first layer were torn in the toes and heels, the second one were big and soft, but too soft to wear alone. He had thought about wearing a scarf, but it wasn’t winter yet, and he wasn’t a wimp, he could take a little bit of coldness if it lead to the relief of some fags.

The third step was the hardest, getting to his sacred spot. A few months after his initial encounter with cigarettes, Remus had found a perfect spot, right outside the big common room window, where the tiles were plain enough to sit on and not fall, and the smoke was not too noticeable. The socks made it specially hard to get there, so he was forced to go back and put his school shoes on. It was late and dark, he knew there would be no one in the common room, and if there were, he always had a book with him as an excuse. He wasn’t sure why he was so paranoid about being found out, but he knew better than underestimate his odds.

The fourth step was his favourite. The quietness, the stars, the coldness stinging against his skin. The inhaling. His thoughts quieting down. He hated feeling this way. He hated loving it so much. Needing it so much. But he did, and at some point, he just, accepted his condition. Somedays, it was something he was really looking forward to, and other days it was something that just happened. Something that had become such a deep part of his routine, he couldn’t escape it. And it was never just one fag. That much preparation required at least three, which on bad days became six and on even worse days, could turn to an entire pack. It was a problem. He knew it. But he just didn’t care for it.

However, this particular cold October evening, Remus’s favourite step was intervened.

“Moony?” Sirius said, startled.

“The fuck are you doing here?” He spat back defensively.

“What am I doing here? What are you?” Sirius answered just as bitterly. It was clear they both needed space and quiet, which was something they never quite allowed the other.

“None ‘ya business” Remus eyed Sirius before sitting down beside him. He was wearing his usual pijamas with some expensive sweater his parents had gotten him for his birthday, which made Remus painfully aware of his ridiculous clothing choices. The double jumper, the double socks, the school shoes. Sirius had seen him worse, but Remus was still embarrassed. Before lightning his own fag, he offered Sirius one, which was kindly appreciated.

“You know,” Sirius said after a few drags “I never knew anyone else knew about this place, even if it’s obviously here, I didn’t think anyone else would bother coming here.”

“How’d you find it?” Remus inquired.

“Messing around. During a prank with Prongs, I needed to hide and my first instinct was to jump out the window, which lead me here. You?”

“Needed a place to smoke. It’s comfortable enough and not too obvious.”

“Right.”

They sat quiet for a while after that. Remus was a quick smoker, so he never really counted on his fags as a time measure, but Sirius enjoyed his time with them, and after lighting a second fag, Remus figured quite some time had to had gone by. He was tired, but he really wanted to stay.

“Why’d you come here tonight?” Remus asked.

“Needed to clear my head,” Sirius began uncertainly. He had something to say, but he wasn’t sure how. Remus could tell by the way Sirius bit the right side of his lower lip, just like he did any time he had a secret to share. “My uh… My parents gave me this a few hours ago. I just didn’t know what to do, and what better than to look at my beautiful star for guidance.”

Sirius handed Remus a small envelope. Inside it there was a handwritten letter, inviting him for a birthday dinner. Sirius despised his birthday dinners, but the letter never said he had a choice.

“Shit Pads that’s-“

“Complicated, yeah.” He smiled sadly “but they’re still family.”

Remus hated how Sirius always forgave his family, because they were family, it was completely senseless. All those years of abuse, all that time they had made him feel worthless meant nothing because they shared blood. Even if none of them deserved to.

As they decided to go back to their dorm, the fifth and last step began to take place. Remus neatly placed his pack inside his old boxers, as Sirius took of his shirt and put on a new one. Remus sat on his four poster and began taking his layers off, the outer ones went in the laundry basket, whereas the inner ones went back into their corresponding drawers, as Sirius sat sadly across him looking down at the envelope. He dragged himself to the bathroom, where he brushed his teeth and washed his face, as Sirius peed beside him. Lastly, he laid on his bed, waiting to fall asleep, as Sirius laid beside him, softly crying himself to sleep, begging Remus for forgiveness and allowance to stay with him for a little longer.

[cityandking]

4, 9, 22, 60 for dai, minah and bran!

thanks my dear // sixty-nine questions for your ttrpg characters

4. what one person, place, or thing do they love more than anything else?

DAI — it's his dad. it simply has to be his dad.

MINAH — oof. hhh. oof. what does she love? her sister, I guess, in a sorry, obligatory sort of way. real 'love blood and rhetoric school' over here

BRAN — *cups hands around mouth* THE OPEN OCEAN. her ship and her crew, because the crew is part of the ship just as much as the jib and yardarms and sails.

9. when in their life were they most scared?

DAI — those first few days right after they slipped through the void and he didn't know anything. nothing had ever been as new or enormous or awful as being lost like that.

MINAH — she thought it was when her father died, with the blood and the fear and the feeling of being frozen solid, but it wasn't. actually it was later, when she was cold and hungry and dirty and always keeping one eye open and alone. she didn't know a person could be that alone or that scared, but she was. turned out being able to see the thing that scared you was a hundred times better than a shadow at your heels.

BRAN — when she woke up and her ship was gone and her crew was gone and she was alone and stranded. she'd been alone before and she'd been adrift before but she always had a plan, someone she could con or trick or lean on. having none of that—being the one got, instead of the one doing the getting—fucking sucked

22. how would they decorate their living space, if they had a chance?

DAI — clean, neat, bright. big windows, light curtains, plants and books and all his little trinkets up on the shelves. cozy. he really could have done something lovely with the apartment in lower isan if they had stayed a little longer. a lot like his dad's house I think

MINAH — uhhhhhhhh she'd just make it really really nice. good quality rugs to keep her feet warm, nice blankets, the perfect mattress. maybe some tapestries; she's always loved art. everything well-made and comfortable and rich—the real kind of rich, though, not overwrought and fancy but good solid expensive quality.

BRAN — bran does have the chance! her cabin has big windows and a big bed set into the wall and lots of pillows and maps on the walls and some of her most favorite trinkets up on display and a big ol' desk/table with the map she's working on and her trunks full of her clothes and her treasures and obviously her stash of the good booze. it's great.

60. what do they have faith in? what keeps them believing?

DAI — dai went through a crisis of faith and came out the other end believing that faith a choice you have to make again and again, an active act of believing for belief's sake. he has faith in pelor, that some sun has got to rise. his faith in tempus is more of a faith in himself and his oath—something must stand between those who harm and those who are harmed, and he makes the choice again and again and again to be the one who stands. it's an internal conviction, but not an untested one and not a path laid out. it's something you find, again and again, through active search.

MINAH — minah honestly doesn't have faith in anything. maybe she's got some vague belief in the Maker as an entity, but she's not religious and she's not often hopeful and she has absolutely no faith in any sort of authority. she may have some notion in the power of art, a stories-must-be-told sort of urgency, but she's never really made an effort to acknowledge or understand that, and even the troupe is a means to an end (money, safety, companionship, entertainment) than it is any object of belief

BRAN — believes in herself, and she believes in the power of a tale, how things can live long past the end of theirs if they play their cards right. she has faith in her people, but that's a close kind of faith, a touch-and-taste belief. she believes in the gods, in that she knows they exist, but there's no worship or faith in that—she puts more stock in the ocean, vast and uncaring, than she does the will of the gods, and no vision of drowning or shipwreck is going to change her mind (not right away, at least)

[jerzwriter]

Hello, I hope this doesn’t come out as hate or anything, but sometimes you sound a little judgy when you keep saying that your MC has self-respect because she didn’t forget Ethan for leaving to the Amazon without telling her. And that’s super okay because it’s your HC(and your personal opinion), but there’s people who HC their MCs forgiving him even if he didn’t tell them and they’re also self-respected people who have a happy relationship and walk through life with their head held high. I don’t think they have to be mutually exclusive, and I think there might be people who wouldn’t forgive the things you put your pairings through (HC or not) and that’s also okay, it doesn’t take away anything from you or your MC. And I’m sure it’s not your intent to sound like that, because you seem like a nice person :) but you keep dropping that little fact randomly or praising others who HC the same for their MC, as if it’s the only right thing to do.

Hi Nonny,

I'll start this off by saying both my feelings about Casey's reaction and my thoughts on if I'm being judgemental are, well, subjective. They're my opinions, and I'm entitled to mine as much as everyone else is to theirs. If someone is offended by my expressing my thoughts, to me, it says the reader is of the belief that their POV is the only one that can be right. Otherwise, how could a contrary opinion be offensive?

I never think anyone has to have the same POV as me, especially in the world of fanfiction where, really, none of this matters. It's not influencing policy, law, or human rights - it's fanfic.

Canon is murky on how Ethan left/if MC knew. All we know is he didn't contact them while he was there, so it's up to us to decide how we think it happened. Many have expressed moral outrage their displeasure over my thoughts on Casey not forgiving Ethan, and, honestly, not to be mean, but I don't care. I'm not forcing them to feel the same way; I don't judge them for feeling differently. But it's my HC, my POV, and I'll stand by it. In the same way, I hope they'd stand by theirs.

In my T/C world, if Ethan had shown he had real feelings for MC (he did), crawled out of their bed just weeks before (he did), told them they'd "work it out" (he did), and then hopped on a flight and without so much as a heads up, letting her find out like she was just any other resident, like she was nobody. Then, yes, my MC absolutely would have the self-respect to say, "OK, this is not the kind of man I want to be with. I deserve to be treated better than this." It's ascerbated by the fact that he would have months away to think about it and reconsider his choices. Did he even call and say, "Look, we can't be together, but I handled this poorly, and I owe you an apology." He didn't. So, at best, he's not emotionally mature enough for her. At worst, he's callous, and she deserves better. I won't back down from that. This is how I'd react. This is the advice I'd give my best friend/child if they were in the situation. (Oh, keep in mind this is in HC, in AUs - anything goes. lol)

Everyone has their own lines in the sand... for their characters and in real life. Some people find jealousy appealing. To me, anything more than fleeting jealousy is an unhealthy emotion that is destructive and indicative of a problem that needs correcting. To some, cheating is forgivable. To some, it's not. To me, it's not forgivable in almost all cases, but there are exceptions, and it's a very, very personal choice. Will everyone agree with me? Nope. Do I care that they think differently than me? Nope. They're entitled to. Their differing POV is not a threat to mine, and mine shouldn't be to them.

I read and enjoy other OTPs that are very different from mine. I'm not threatened by them. You'll never see me telling someone their idea is stupid or wrong. I'll never criticize them or tell them my way is superior to theirs (it's just different). I'm not going to tell them they're crazy or should seek help because they view a fictional character differently than I do. That's just crazy talk.

Yeah, I love that in my T/C world, Casey told Ethan to take a walk after he treated her horribly. If I see someone with the same POV, I may say, "Good for you!". But I'm not sitting here telling others, "OMG, You're such an idiot because you had your MC forgive him. OMG, she's weak and pathetic. OMG, you must need help if you feel that way." You'll never hear that out of me.

[annieandro]

Because others are doesn't mean you are not The Aquarian with the Ram moon has this to learn: Your way is your way, and if it works for you, fine But someone else may have a way of their own And it may not be the best, but, it is theirs To be suspect of an opinion or a way because it isn't yours Can place you in that never-never land that is neither have, or have not With a bit more faith in others, you can make things come off Better to share the credit than car

An idealist who loves people as well as causes, that's the Water Bearer with the moon in Taurus This also the addition of a fixed air sign to a fixed earth sign And change is not a welcome idea You are a constant one, and are at ease when everything around you keeps going as it has You are not someone in a hurry, and you insist on the luxury of free choice Even though it slows you down

The Aquarian need to know the truth, aided by the Gemini need to express it Is the natural result of the Aquarian moon in the sign of the Twin There may be an inclination towards drifting And outsiders may not be able to find definition in your pattern But it's there You make your own picture puzzle, and the pieces fit Once completed, the picture is a true reflection of what the mind can accomplish When it has the time, and the need

The moon in Cancer increases sensitivity and the love of home in any native But when it is added to the Aquarian sign these two factors become even more evidentYour reactions are more likely to be emotional than intellectual You are also one of the most intuitive natives in the zodiac This the result of the Aquarian feeling for people And the Moonchild's quality of absorption and susceptibility

There is an inner struggle between mind and emotion, when the Aquarian moon is in Leo You can never be sure from one moment to the next which will take the lead Beyond this confusion there are of the positives Imagination, warmth, a belief in people and in dignity, and manner There is also a loving nature and a desire to be seen, and known This combination not only believes in utopia, but often tries to make it a reality

You have the clear eye with a head that's all together, when the Aquarian moon is in Virgo Preciseness is your way, and order is the order of the day Loose ends, unfinished business, unresolved situations can get you uptight You're the one who will stay up all night, waiting for the other shoe to drop You're cautious, critical, and correct

The Aquarian moon in Libra provides the world with another love personYou are one of the imaginative people, who seek the beautiful things and regard the world with a kind, soft eye Wherever you are, whether it be thick forests or concrete jungles There's always space enough for the spirit to live in And a reason for a song to be sung

It's hurrah for me when Aquarius has its moon in Scorpio Your existence will never be a secret And no one will be more aware that you exist than you Positive you are, powerful you are, with a drive that dominates everyone with whom you come in contact There is only one person that you truly bet on And you're it Most people are forced to admit, it's a good bet

When the Aquarian moon is in Sagittarius the Aquarian love of social truth,and the Sagittarian's love of beauty Combine to inspire independence of thought and imagination You're an individual who doesn't bend where principles are concerned There's the element of freedom in everything you do There's also, of course, the Sagittarian impulsiveness, which, needs containment You can blow your cool, and blow a deal, in a matter of moments

Your country, right or wrong, is the Aquarian attitude when the moon is in Capricorn This the sign of the super-patriot, the public servant, and someone born to have a voice in the working of his country Whether by holding office or by making his vote count You are a serious native who doesn't take either yourself or your responsibilities lightly This quality makes you a favourite of your superiors and of the public Both of whom contribute essentially to your success

The Water Bearer with his moon, also an Aquarius, knows how to think This is a brainy combination the natural intellect of Aquarius being compounded You not only think, but you think positively In fact, there is very little about you that is not constructive and positive You are more inclined to live in a small circle than in the world But wherever you live, you live with taste and dignity

The Aquarian with a Piscean moon is a student in his heart And the more you satisfy this natural inclination, the more substantial you becomeIf you try to fly by the seat of your pants, or to play things by ear You can drift into some other kind of reality that has no value But with the foundation of facts and reference Your fancy can scale to heights where few have the ability to venture You will see mysteries revealed, that most will never know

[becomingpart2]

i think you’re right about jimmy stans being almost on the same level as the “Walt just did it for the family” stans. like he’s genuinely so horrible in breaking bad and in the flash forward scenes of better call Saul. idk i feel like people only see him as season one jimmy where he’s still trying to be a decent guy and take care of his brother who is so mean to him. it’s just really weird because i don’t understand how you can separate his character from the stuff he does in breaking bad like??? not to mention he does tons of terrible shit in better call saul too. it’s really weird how this 40+ man gets treated like a helpless kid i genuinely feel like some people see him the same as they see Jesse it’s so weird idk.

Yes exactly. And that's makes me so mad! I mean, sure, jimmysaul might not be as terrible as Walt, but does that put him in the same level of skyler and Jesse? Absolutely not. He's not a victim on bb (and neither is he on bcs, his relationship with chuck is only part of his story), he's the enabler. People get caught up on his motivations and early bcs characterization and use that to justify his actions (you know, like those stans). His motivations are never made deeper than getting money on bb, and even if they were, doing bad things because you feel bad about yourself and doing bad things bc you get off on power are hardly any different when it comes to the consequences, people are still getting hurt.

I guess one of the things that piss me off the most about this reading of Saul is this underlying essencialist belief that there are inherently good people and bad people. That no matter what some people do, deep down, they're good so it's ok. Saul is deep down a good person that was dragged down by the system, by his brother, by society, etc. The people he screwed over don't matter bc the person he hurt the most was himself!

I'm not saying environment can't influence in how people act but they still gotta be held accountable for the choices they made, especially when they make them out of their own volition.

I also think there's some level of hierarchical character bias (I learnt so much from candy lol) because the people walt hurts are beloved characters like Gus, Jesse, Mike, and even Jane and Skyler in some circles. But the people Jimmysaul hurts with his schemes are mostly unknown characters. But we do see a lot of other important characters hurting him instead like lalo, chuck, howard, so it's easier to read him as more of a victim.

Saul represents the cooporate evil in breaking bad. The kind of evil that sees terrible things happening and doesn't give two shits because they're getting theirs. The kind that will help more terrible things happen if they get more out of it. The kind who has no allegiance towards anything besides themselves, and that's just as much part of his character as the early seasons of bcs.

[roxsannel]

Sharing His Nanny: A Curvy Girl Reverse Harem Romance (Forever Our Girl Book) by Tori Chase.

Stella is an up and coming plus size designer who is happily enjoying life with her friends and family around her, but one birthday evening breaks that happiness right open and the person who she was hoping would invest in her line is out of the picture because of it, but with little other choice in the matter, she has to make a dreaded phone call and ask for help, but when she is asked to hurry to her step-brothers house as soon as she can, she fears the worst. Charles Harlow is a man with a plan for his life, but that all unravels when a baby he is told is his, is thrust upon him and his life changes immediately, he is tall, rich and handsome beyond belief and Stella has always had the hots for him, so when she sees him getting out of a car with a baby in his arms at his Malibu beach house, she doesn’t know what to think, but she can see that her step-mother has a plan which soon becomes all too clear.

As Stella and her step-mother talk about her situation, she is told that she is there so that she can be the live in nanny for Charles’s baby while he works and plays hard, just like always, but Stella will only do it under certain conditions and when Charles hears the discussion, he helps Stella negotiate for a better deal. When it has been decided that Stella will help out for the month, this is when two more hotter than hell men turn up, they are Charles's best friends and they are just as surprised as Stella that she is there, as well as a baby, but they take things in their stride and pretty much act as they normally would on this annual break of theirs.

As a routine settled in and Stella gets to know the guys, one of whom is a lawyer and the other is a personal trainer, Stella doesn't know where to look, but when they're intentions towards her are made clear, she can't resist them, but when Charles discovers what's going on, instead of being disgusted, he is looking like he wants to join in. With all the stress of her business and trying to handle two men and the possibility of a third, Stella has no idea what the future holds, never mind what lies beyond this one month together.

Will Charles indulge in the taboo nature of his desires towards Stella and what will the future hold for them all of he does? This is an erotic reverse harem with all the saucy antics you can think of, as well as a meaty streak of confidence in both body and business, as this sassy woman keeps getting challenge after challenge thrown at her in this emotional rollercoaster of a story which will keep you titillated throughout.

[thefirstknife]

Some of the more interesting bits of today's reset and dialogues. I loved this from Mara. She acknowledges her participation in steering Uldren towards his downfall AND she realises that she will have to do better with him in the future. This is from the ending dialogue when you finish the exotic quest for the Ager's Scepter.

I want to mention something from the start of the week because I've seen people get angry (but when do they not when it comes to Mara?)

Long post under read more:

It's about the discussion she and Ikora have at the terminal. Hot take, but both Mara and Ikora are right and wrong in the argument. Transcript:

Mara: "How long have your Hidden been privy to Uldren's resurrection?" Ikora: "Long enough to watch over him in your absence." Mara: "And you didn't direct him home. Why?" Ikora: "There was a concern he'd pick up some old habits." Mara: "You know the Garden made him sick. Riven twisted his mind. Eris would have seen it. She is not so easily deceived by skin-deep tricks." Ikora: "It's true I made mistakes, out of an idea of justice... out of grief. Are you leveling this same scrutiny toward Petra? Wasn't she supposed to be watching his grave?" Mara: "Petra has paid her dues. The Vanguard murdered him and has yet to pay theirs." Ikora: "We both lost family. I am sorry for my part in yours, but... Crow has been treated --" Mara: "My brother is dead. He was exhumed; his body twisted into a caricature. You had your vengeance." Ikora: "Is that what you're after? Cayde... I still feel that grief like a stone caught in my chest. Some days, it's more pronounced than others. Vengeance didn't erode that grief." Mara: "Then tell me. Who am I to blame? Who sent him to Savathun's clutches? Who bludgeoned Uldren into a scared animal and drove him from his home?" Ikora: "You did, Mara. And those Guardians that hurt him, did so out of misguided anger. Don't make the same mistake. Don't make my mistake."

This is some heavy stuff and there's a lot going on. First, I like that Mara doesn't respond at the end. It's uncharacteristic for her. It shows that Ikora's words did something to her. This is evident in the exotic quest later which I've already put at the beginning of the post. She's had time to think and she's admitting the part she played.

I dislike some of Ikora's arguments a lot. First, "concern that he'd pick up some old habits" goes entirely against the Vanguard policy and belief that Guardians are new people. They were only concerned because of bias towards Uldren due to what he's done. And Crow knows this! He said so last week when he wondered why is he the only Guardian judged by his past life. No one else is subjected to the same way of thinking. This is the reason why Guardians aren't supposed to dig around their past lives. Obviously with Crow, there's no way for him to avoid it, but the argument that, if he knew, he'd just magically become Uldren (and not just base!Uldren, but murderer!Uldren who will... I don't know, go after Ikora and Zavala or the innocent people in the City?) really shows how much the Vanguard mistreated Crow.

I also dislike the move to Petra. As Mara says, Petra has paid her dues. She really has. Let's not forget that Uldren was not just some guy to her or just her Prince; he was her friend. She had to watch him spiral out of control due to things she couldn't help him with, she had to make the choice to put him away until Mara comes back and at the end she had to make the choice to kill him. This trauma has shaped her.

The Vanguard hasn't paid any dues. That's kinda the whole point of Mara's questioning. Ikora tries to explain that this was due to grief and losing family, but pray tell Ikora, has Mara not lost family too? Mara mentions this immediately as expected.

Ikora is however right to say that it was ultimately Mara's actions that led to the situation we're currently in. The Vanguard had no say in Awoken royal family affairs. Mara knows this, she said as much in the past few weeks and other lore in general: she spoke at length about the distance she pushed between them out of perceived necessity, the need to shape Uldren in a way to make him less like himself (since she disliked his recklessness and dangerous behaviours), but ultimately that only made things worse. She's aware that his venture into the Black Garden was fuelled by Uldren's need to prove himself. Ironically, in an effort to make him loyal and devoted, Mara pushed him into more recklessness instead of stopping it. She's aware of this. Asking Ikora "who am I to blame" was just waiting to be roasted.

But Mara is also right to ask about how the Vanguard treated both Uldren and Crow. How they washed their hands from killing him "officially" by hiding behind the Guardian, how nobody in the Tower answered for this. Their treatment of Crow as well: forcing him into hiding, isolating him. Excusing all the suffering he felt at the hands of the Guardians as "misguided anger." The torture he endured from Guardians just for showing his face was so much more than just "misguided anger" and Mara is right to feel heated and enraged when she talks about this and when she asks her questions. She expressed similar distaste and anger in a voice line with Glint in regards to how the Spider treated Crow.

I got an interesting dialogue at the end of my Shattered Realm run which also made me really irritated on behalf of both Crow and Mara when it comes to the Vanguard. Ikora asks Crow why didn't he send his latest report and Crow replies that he's had a lot going on and a lot to deal with. Which is true! He's not the Drifter who doesn't send reports out of spite; Crow genuinely wants to help but he's struggling with a lot of things that we can't even begin to unravel. He deserves patience and understanding. However, the following then ensues.

Ikora:

Crow:

Ikora:

This last part is a nice sentiment. But excuse me. Crow has literally been resurrected, isolated, tortured, enslaved and then "rescued" only to be thrust into a cage in the Tower and given "responsibilities." He is not obliged to be the Vanguard's errand boy. It's honestly quite rude from Ikora to tell him that he has to take his responsibilities seriously. The man hasn't lived a single day in his life without anxiety over whether he'll be tortured to death in the street if he shows his face.

I know the Vanguard gave him protection from the Spider and stuff to do (which he enjoys) and accepted him into their ranks. That's all good. But there's very little empathy here that acknowledges the life he's lived. Crow deserves to experience things that aren't isolation, imprisonment and following orders.

And most of all, he deserves to know the truth. Something the Vanguard has denied him for almost a year now. I know Savathun's schemes were involved and specifically, they were involved through impersonating Osiris which made a lot of people turn a blind eye. But now that this is known?

Crow can't share his burdens without knowing the truth. That's the whole problem. Everybody, except him, knows who he was. Everyone looks at him and treats him through that lens. He can't unburden himself without being told half-truths and being denied information. His burdens exist precisely because he doesn't know while everyone else does. So while the sentiment is nice, it reads more like a "that sucks buddy" than a genuine offer to help him with what is really bothering him.

On the other hand, obviously sharing the truth is difficult. His past life is more complicated than for most other Guardians. He's been through things that other Guardians haven't. The situation is complex on every single level and every character has a reason for the choices they've made.

Sometimes those choices are wrong and they are mistakes. And Mara isn't the only one who made the wrong choices and mistakes, consciously and unconsciously. It's a disservice to the complexity of the situation, Ikora, the Vanguard and Uldren to boil everything down to "Mara bad." Doesn't make for a compelling story.

That's what I wanted to address in detail because on the surface, it's easy to just dismiss either of the character you dislike more. And that's just reducing the story to a spectrum of black and white that Destiny really, ironically, isn't about.

[etheriadearie]

Hello! Absolutely love your analyses! I'd spend breaks during work reading through a piece and I appreciate all the evidence (data as Entrapta would state) you use. I see many people boil Catradora down to being abusive (aimed at Catra) and it's just so hard to argue since there's so much depth to their relationship. What are your thoughts? How would you respond to someone stating so?

:: ... Reflections on the emotional healthiness of Catradora, on Adora's arc, and on SPOP as a morally complex story-

Hi, and thank you so much for this question, I know that some SPOP fans have this kind of reaction, and while I get why they feel bad, I strongly believe such a reaction was not the intended outcome. Which is my first point:

To anyone who feels this way, Hey!!! Noelle wouldn't hurt us like that, and even though we see hurtful behaviors shown in SPOP, this isn't part of suggesting that we forgive our abusers- Noelle wouldn't do that!!

SPOP is unique in that it explores trauma as seriously as it does… this show is so many different things: it's beautiful, it's fun, it's kid friendly, and it's really meaningful. I really, really believe that both Catra and Adora’s stories are meant to be a comfort to people who grew up in situations like theirs… (I, for one, find Catra’s story very comforting).

My second point is that Adora is as much a product of hurtful abuse as Catra is, and this includes that she has some very hurtful behaviors towards Catra, especially as we see the two of them together starting well before her defection. For example-

We all know Adora is a sweetheart, and for her to even behave in hurtful ways is so against her own best nature that it's a sign that she's not really being herself. It's also very wrong in terms of her ability to be She-ra, as Etheria chose her for her ability to love- she is deep down an incredibly loving and generous person, and love is her power. Yet, when we see her with Catra in ep1, she's acting hurtful instead. This- is where their relationship becomes so complex- because Catra really isn't being hurtful, and Adora has a history...

...And, this is a much bigger problem than just her relationship with Catra, because Adora is also hurtful towards everyone in her past life, she vilifies them and fights them- never once does she make an honest attempt to help her former friends- Adora simply makes an assumption that fighting them is a necessary hurt of her 'destiny'.

Yet... this 'destiny' is a lie, and we cannot ignore how Adora's arc from s1-4 ends with her barely avoiding destroying all of Etheria... furthermore, with Horde Prime finding them all as a consequence. Despite Adora's attempts at being a hero through s1-4, it ends with her having betrayed all of her former friends for a 'destiny' which was evil all along- Light Hope never meant to make her a hero, only to use her and the rest of the princesses as a weapon. This is because Adora had followed her 'duty' and therefore failed to be her greatest good as a hero of love.

Her decision of duty and all that goes wrong results because of how Adora believes in duty before all else, including and especially love. This false belief system, where she simply fights rather than looks to help her former friends, and acts hurtfully to enact this false 'destiny', is because of how Adora was hurt by her abuser. And it makes her actions wrong- she isn't valuing love, and, she is being controlled by others, some which are evil, some which are unfair- through her false belief in duty.

This concept of duty, which is so wrong, is what Adora's entire struggles are about- this includes her hero's arc. Her perceived need to serve a false 'duty' is the reason she justifies her hurtful behavior and neglects to help her former friends, it's the reason her s1-4 arc ends in disaster with her destiny being revealed to have been false, (and that she's been manipulated for evil), and, it's the reason she's so hurtful to Catra- betraying all of their love, while failing to make any true effort to understand Catra's feelings

We might not like Catra's reaction, or how terribly wrong the war is (... one which began before either of them was even born-), but Adora wrongly believes in putting her duty so far ahead of all else that she's failing to look deeper. Adora does break promises, and she does hurt people- she hurts everyone in her old life, not just Catra, with her hurtful and blind prioritization of duty ahead of love and all else- her belief makes her vulnerable to further manipulations. Her entire concept of duty before love makes her miss how she's hurting them, and, how she's wrong to do this... ... it results in so much pain. (-in fact, Adora ends up hurting EVERYONE with her stubborn belief in enacting a false destiny, as we'll discuss.) .

So, for the purposes of this question, we need to look at Adora's behavior, and how she's wrong to be so hurtful. Catra ends up very much more wrong- that's well documented- and which we all know- but, Adora is She-ra, Catra is not, and all of Adora's actions matter so much because she is at the center of all that happens as She-ra. And, she's got to learn to value love, going against the hurtful beliefs of 'duty' that her abuser ingrained into her psyche to control her. Even though Adora is trying to do her best, she falls short of what that actually is, and it's all because of her false belief that duty must define her. She is a hero of love, not a hero of duty or destiny- because destiny cannot power her, nor guide her. Love is what must guide Adora, because love is her real power... and as a hero of love, she cannot "leave anyone behind" who needed her help...

Through s1-4, by acting hurtful, Adora is essentially creating a false equivalency by equating evil upon all of her former friends, in a hurtful way which all but ensures further division and misunderstanding. She-ra is supposed to be a uniter, a healer- yet Adora is making no effort to do so. Adora is such a extensive product of abuse that she doesn't even see that she's doing so, and she has to wake up to this in order to become a hero of love...

:readmore:

Also, in part: their division happens because when Adora leaves Catra and everyone else in her former life behind she does so having not once fought for them (see Lonnie in the portal reality, below) - very much like how she didn't fight for her and Catra's love against their abuser. As She-ra, Adora needs to be strong enough to fight for ALL of them, rebellion and the vulnerable people in the horde who are trapped in its abusive system alike- yet, Adora doesn't do so- instead she takes a simplified view of morality, and through it, justifies abandoning her and Catra's love and fighting against instead of helping everyone in her old life. That Adora doesn't try to do better is already hurtful on its own. Adora's choice of such a hurtful path happens out of multiple complex factors, some deal with her history as a abuse survivor- but in reality, it's mostly because everyone else around Adora also is not being their best, either... ...more later

As for Catra- her choices, while very very bad, come out a reaction to Adora's history of hurtful behaviors- her inability to trust Adora is a trauma reaction, just like Adora's, yet, that reaction comes in response to Adora's continued hurtful behaviors: Catra is trying to be apart from someone who has constantly hurt her by naively following duty while showing no effort to understand how she's hurtful or to fight for their love. Adora did this within the horde by playing favorite to Shadow Weaver, and Catra feels that Adora must be misguided, just like she was before, for leaving her- instead fighting against her so willingly and vilifying her... lumping her in with their abuser as evil.

Catra was constantly abused, and watched on as Adora played favorite to that abuser while ignoring how Catra was treated. So, Adora was betraying Catra all along, and had no awareness of it- it shows that Adora has a blind spot- something which she struggles with throughout her hero's arc: such as Light Hope using her for evil. Catra felt as though she had already lost the friend she thought she had years ago, and then Adora's continued hurtful behavior following her defection, while making no effort to save their love, is what causes Catra to feel she must part ways with Adora. By Catra's reasoning, Adora must not really love her- why else would Adora be so ready to hurt her, when she made a promise to love her? Catra doesn't think Adora is actually being a 'good' person by leaving like she does- and Adora's hurtful divisive actions confirm Catra is right- by choosing divisiveness and a false destiny while devaluing their love, Adora is indeed falling short of being the hero of love which Etheria chose her to be...

So, we can see Catra's distrust and Adora's being used by Light Hope as parallel, because Catra is right that Adora is letting people manipulate her, just like she did within the horde- even if Catra is only basing this belief off of her gut feelings in s1. Adora ends up betraying her promises, and being used as a weapon by Light Hope, (and the rebellion, too) for the same reason: her belief in duty which blinds her to all else.

:: 🛑 There's also the matter of whether Adora and Catra are 'in a relationship' during the war. That's dubious- morality of the war aside, Adora divides their friendship for it, not Catra- so they aren't together anymore... And, as we'll discuss, Adora is coming up short of making the best decision by doing so. But, in regards to our question: what happens during the war between Catra and Adora should be considered separately, as apart from this time in their history, Catra was quite loving with Adora: both before, and then after, the war... and so it's important to not falsely equivalate Catra actions in this way- they are not 'together' (...again, morality of the war aside..) ....more later

We'll come back to Catra's motivations later, but here's the quick reference for the meantime- Catra doesn't do what she does out of wanting to hurt Adora, her love confession in s5 precludes that. And she also doesn't do it out of any great allegiance to the Horde- it's just all she knows, and she stays there because she's trying to live free of Adora- who is a constantly inadvertently hurtful person, as Adora had actually been betraying their love for many years. But: most importantly, Catra does what she does as part of her fight against their real abuser, whom Catra sees as the real evil in their lives. This starts as Catra taking down Shadow Weaver herself, and stays true within the meaning of her other actions through the rest of her arc as well. ...more later

All in all, this is part of how Noelle gave us a morally complex story with SPOP- it's not black and white like most stories we've seen (such as ATLA). The war, while terrible, has multiple sides to it, and with it moral grayness: The horde is wrong, yet isn't really made up of evil people. The rebellion is right to defend Etheria, but has a corrupted view of the horde where they summarily judge all horde as evil. That's an amoral belief, as we'll discuss, and it plays into Adora’s confusion over who she really must be, because their hurtful views block Adora's ability to be the hero of love she's meant to be.

... And, of course- the princesses are part of an evil super weapon, as naive enablers of a generational trauma so dark that it threatens them all... ...more later

Finally, the MAJOR PSA REGARDING ABUSIVENESS.. (and therefore this question)

Since we wish to discuss abusive relationships, we must recognize that there is indeed such a relationship at the forefront of SPOP, but it's not Catradora.

All of their bad behaviors- Catra’s isolationism and hurtfulness for self protection, and Adora’s hurtfulness in the name of false duty and vulnerability to naively trusting in false ideals set out for her by others, is because of how Shadow Weaver hurt them.

SPOP as a series is all about believing in love, (even in other character arcs aside from Catradora-) and it really is about both of their struggles with how their abuser hurt them, which they have to get past to embrace love. Their story is one about the how and why we ourselves sometimes struggle to accept love- many people struggle due to having been hurt like they were- and through them, Noelle tells us a story of our own lives. 💢(minor trauma warn to readers, altho, I promise nothing too dark in this post). It's the real truth of Catra and Adora’s arcs: that they both act out hurtfully due to how their abuser has hurt them, and as such, they both contribute to their division, not just Catra. And, they both go through long arcs of self realization and healing to be better from how they've been hurt, to be their best selves and so they can be together again.

This journey of self realization is what allows Adora to start being a real hero in s5, and accepting Adora's flaws in her actions before then is an important part of understanding her arc, because, as She-ra, everything Adora does matters- no matter how unfair what's done to her is, she's got to be her best, and she has to trust in love in order to win in the end...

That concludes the "short" explanation, but, since abusiveness is such an important issue, we'll cover some specifics it in greater detail. This- is Adora's hero's arc- her and Catra's love IS her hero's journey, because she's not trusting in love in how she acts through s1-4.

So, apologies for how long this will be, but we'll be covering the following subjects as part of this discussion-

1- how and why Adora improperly continues hurtful behavior that started within the horde after she finds the sword, which Catra reacts to, and how Catra wasn't hurtful before then,

2- how Adora could have used She-ra as a liberator to help her former friends, and how the rebellion also being corrupt is why she misses seeing it,

3- Adora's self realization of her truth of love, and how it allows her to step past false destiny and manipulations,

4- how Adora was being a false hero during seasons 1-4 as told through Horde Prime forcing her to fight chipped Catra to save her during Save the Cat,

5- Catra’s wrongness and why she believes she's totally alone against her abusers evils,

6- how the love we see in s5 was always the truth.

Back to the topic of Adora’s hurtfulness, as we see it in ep1, that goes so deeply against her better, loving nature... (part 1)

From the moment we see Adora and Catra together in ep1, it's obvious that their relationship has already become very unhealthy-

This is almost entirely unhealthy on Adora’s side, not Catra’s, as every time Adora speaks to Catra, she does so with a tone- she's rude to her, she's hypercritical of Catra's actions, she's incredibly judgemental, and she acts as if superior to her.

Yet, Adora had become the puppet of their abuser- Shadow Weaver, making the mistake of trying to fulfill the false expectation of being perfect as she was told to do. And in doing so, her naive trust in fulfilling that duty made her an unintentional enabler of her own abuse, as well as Catra's.

So, all of Adora's judgments out of supposed superiority come out as false: she's devoted to a woman who means only to destroy them, it shows that she really didn't know what was going on with Shadow Weaver's abuse.

In contrast, when we look at Catra’s behavior, it's clear she thinks Shadow Weaver is evil. And, in terms of how she interacts with Adora, it's obvious that Catra is actually still being a very loving and supportive friend to Adora- we only see any of her negativity emerge in response to Adora’s own hurtfulness. As things stand in ep1, Catra isn't abusive, if anything, it's the opposite (although I wouldn't use that term).

So, we can start to see that Adora has an entire history of deeply hurtful behaviors towards Catra- starting well before the moment Catra refuses to follow her, or before her decision to forsake their love go to war against her following “Promise”. There was no good reason for Adora’s hurtfulness- it was done in respect to a false duty made for her by their abuser.

This false belief of superiority is another way in which we can see that Adora was failing to see the true evil that was happening as she was playing the favorite- she blindly believed that being good, as measured by an ideal set out for her by their abuser, was her only way of solving her problems.

Yet, Adora always had a choice- her assumption shows a failure of reasoning, because fulfilling that duty as she was told to never would have resulted in anyone being safe- much like her trying to fulfill Light Hope's ‘destiny’. Shadow Weaver only made Adora think that as part of her plan to use and then destroy her.

Likewise, Adora always had a choice to intrinsically value her and Catra’s love over the corrupt duty forced on her by Shadow Weaver- she could have kept the faith in their love, with Catra. Instead, Adora became hurtful towards Catra...

Adora was a bad friend- and her being as such in the name of false duties is the same reason she ends up being used as part of Light Hope’s corrupt 'destiny'. Also, being a bad friend is a canon part of Adora's hero’s struggle, (spoiler warn, LotFP) as being a bad friend can also be seen in how Adora acts towards Glimmer in s4: (as Bow says in s4ep8: "...it's hard being friends sometimes... So why am I the only one who's willing to work at it?". (In LotFP, Scorpia outright calls Adora a bad friend, and rightly so..)

In regards to Adora’s failure in choice- she and Catra weren't children anymore, and standing up to Shadow Weaver was always a possibility. She could have refused to play along in a system where Catra was made to suffer while she was given praise. And, the real kicker is: judging by how easily Catra takes down Shadow Weaver without Adora’s help, it wouldn't have even been that hard.

This shows Adora really was guilty of blind devotion to Shadow Weaver, because Catra had been prepared to step free of that abuse, probably for years. So, when Adora leaves Catra, devaluing their love and instead vilifying and falsely accusing Catra of being evil like Shadow Weaver (which is an immensely hurtful thing to do after the years of torture Catra suffered), Catra decides to step free of her abusers control, while also stepping free of Adora’s continued hurtfulness.

So, we see that Adora has a dangerous level of blindness to the deeper evils that people mean to use her for, which we can see in other places throughout her arc, such as with Light Hope’s plans for her. She can't even see how she's been corrupted.

Catra, in contrast, shows us she knew all along about their abusers' true evil: she shows her awareness by her little rebellions against a corrupt system where she was constantly being hurt. Catra refused to stay weak, and prepared to protect herself from her abuser all along. Yet, all Adora ever did was act out towards Catra for refusing to conform like she did...

Let's jump forward to when Adora finds the sword, and we can apply Adora’s naive belief in enacting duty, while being hurtful in the name of it, to that decision as well:

Adora accepts the sword, and her new ‘destiny’, with blindness and devotion- believing it to be her ‘destiny’, she willingly accepts that it comes at the price of hurting Catra as well as everyone in her old life as part of fulfilling it.

This ‘destiny’, or duty, is actually nothing but a lie made to confuse Adora by Light Hope and the First Ones- it's just a manipulation to use Adora for their evil. Believing in her 'destiny', Adora then makes no real effort to understand the darker truth behind what is really being asked of her, instead trusting in that 'destiny' and betraying everyone in her old life with her hurtfulness, instead of helping them, in service to this ‘destiny’. (...more later)

Adora in effect swaps Shadow Weaver for Light Hope, (the rebellion also uses Adora as a weapon in a hurtful way, which we'll discuss), and in doing so Adora acts hurtful to someone she loves, she agrees to hurt and therefore fail a whole group of people who deserve better from her. Adora has no right to vilify them like she does, after all, she was one of them herself. Also, her vilification shows no concept of her own hurtfulness and previous role as an enabler in that system.

Sure, Adora could complain that it wasn't her fault because she was being unfairly manipulated, yet Adora continually shows that she is vulnerable to those very same manipulations, again and again, throughout s1-4. It's all to do with her false assumption of fulfilling duty at any cost.

... and it brings Adora’s entire supposed ‘moral awakening’ into question, because while she's right to stick up for the citizens of Thaymore, her entire hurtful and superior attitude towards Catra while she does it is false: it's just like how Adora was hurtful towards Catra as part of playing her role as the favorite of their abuser within the horde. She was blind to the real evil that was occurring.

She therefore has no business being so hurtful towards Catra throughout s1, even IF she didn't know about the continued tortuous abuse Catra suffered because of her. All that Adora’s supposed righteousness over her ‘destiny’ actually shows is that she’s blind to what is really happening- in the past, and then again when Light Hope uses her for evil.

Also, fun fact: Adora’s supposed 'holier than thou' newfound morality isn't even her own: we know she's vulnerable to accepting others' expectations- in this case she's accepting Glimmer’s hardline view that all people in the horde must be evil. Adora takes this closed minded viewpoint and uses it as she tries to enact her false destiny all the way through s1-4, never once making an effort to help her former friends.

All in all, Adora falls short of being a real hero by doing this. And, Adora really does take things too far in her stubborn pursuit of her destiny (LotFP spoiler warn). She's so willing to hurt Catra, and all of her former friends, and is so far removed from the hero of love we see in s5 by doing so. Catra is right that Adora isn't the friend she used to have- Shadow Weaver's abuse changed Adora into something hurtful instead. (In LotFP, Adora strait up attempts to terminate Catra’s life; ...in contrast, Catra only ever tries to capture Adora...)

Catra, meanwhile, has no reason to trust Adora when she tells her she's defecting because of Adora's past history as an enabler of her (their) abuse. If Adora could hurt her, while being devoted to her abuser, what reason does Adora give Catra to think that anything will be different with her sudden new devotion to the rebellion? The answer is none, and as Catra had to look out for herself to protect herself from abuse, she won't trust Adora. Meanwhile, Adora can't even make an effort to understand Catra's feelings of being hurt by her actions...

Also- at least Catra had a plan- which we know by how she takes down Shadow Weaver to be free of her continued abuse. Nor, also, does Catra just want to leave everyone in her old life, accepting the rebellions belief that people like her are only worthy of being vilified and condemned by the princesses- Adora's self righteous judgements just makes Catra think that Adora is being hurtful and naive. Adora, meanwhile, had no plan- and even after her 'destiny' is revealed, she's still playing into the hands of her abusers while trying to fulfill her 'destiny'. It doesn't matter if Adora doesn't mean to, she's still got to be better than letting corrupt people use her for evil. She needs to learn to not be so naive.

The best theory for the hurtful way Adora behaves- by being so hurtful while ignoring the deeper truths- is that Adora has a deeply engrained hurtful world-view due to how she was hurt by Shadow Weaver, towards her abusers purpose of using and sacrificing Adora. Because of how Adora was treated, she believes that duty always comes at a cost, and that it will be painful- it's a corrupted, painful way of seeing the world where she just assumes pain comes as part of her reality of being charged with duty.

This is false, it's just what her abusers (Light Hope, too) want her to believe, and waking up to how this corrupt concept of duty is used against her by her abusers is something that must happen for Adora to be able to move past it, so that she can start being a hero of love like she's meant to be. She cannot let naive concepts manipulate her into being hurtful, and cloud her from seeing her path of love. Adora in s1 sees none of this- she only sees her concept of duty which is wrong- she does get wiser throughout s1-4 which sets up for her heroic reveal in s5, when we her true She-ra form.

So, Adora's fighting Catra and all of her former friends, instead of looking to help or understand them, is a presumption that it is a necessary cost of her duty. Upholding her 'duty' was always painful for Adora, and so she thinks hurting her former friends is 'just how it has to be', because Shadow Weaver conditioned her to expect that duty would always feel painful. Her hurtful world view assumes evil on them all, while making no attempt to do better. That's not heroic- Adora is accepting enacting a lesser evil as part of 'duty', just like when Catra was allowed to suffer within the horde while she was given promotion. A real hero faces evil at it's source, by simply vilifying her former friends and breaking her promise to Catra, Adora is being no hero of love...

Which brings us to our next topic: why Adora fails everyone in her old life, and how she could have done better to help the people trapped within the horde’s abusive system. (Part 2)

Adora’s hurtful vilification of everyone in her old life, while never finding a way to help them, really is a failure to all of them. In particular, we can see how much Lonnie feels this way, much like Catra does-

Not finding any way to help them was always a failure of Adora as a hero, something which happens because of her trauma belief of 'duty' before all else, and how her new allies in the rebellion wrongly influence her to believe that all horde are evil. Their corrupted, hurtful views makes Adora miss an obvious possibility:

Adora could have used She-ra as a liberator, rather than as a conqueror.

I realize that may sound like hyperbole, but, there's plenty of evidence of how Adora fails her former friends, and even more about how the rebellion fails the people of the horde. ->see the following pics-

So, we need to talk about why Adora never tries to help her former friends, in order to open a path to freedom like she was offered because she was She-ra.

Even though the rebellion may have the moral high ground in this story, they still fall short of being their best with their derogatory views of the horde- it further divides themselves from what are essentially fellow native Etherians, it surrenders all further thought to what is essentially hate. One result of their flawed views is how we see its Glimmer that activates the super weapon: as she says “we’re the good guys, remember?”. Are they really being their best, though?

Glimmer and Angella have pain from the war, which gives them a corrupted view of the Horde where they summarily judge all Horde to be evil out of their pain. These are derogatory views which are based on their own personal feelings of injury, which leads to their views, as leaders, crossing over from needing to protect themselves, to enacting a unnecessarily hurtful exclusion of a group of vulnerable people who needed their help.

This isn't to say that their pain isn't real… it is, it just doesn't excuse an isolationist, closed minded view of their situation. Surrendering further thought out of emotional pain simply is never healthy, they take their feeling so far as up never show any understanding to any individuals within the horde, or to try to help them. As the leaders of free Etheria, this is a failure of their station as those leaders.

So enters our sweet Adora, who, while she does always mean well, is a lifelong product of abuse that makes her highly vulnerable to blindly going along with others' expectations of her. Afraid to fail her new allies, Adora accepts Glimmer and Angella’s ‘us versus them’ close minded view of the horde as evil as her own, she ignores her deeper knowledge of how this isn't true she has from her time as one of them. Because of it, Adora never considers how they deserve to be given the same chance to be better that she was granted because of her Princess powers.

In all of SPOP, Adora is the only person who is ever actually offered a chance to switch sides. This is a failure that happens because of the derogatory and closed minded views which predominate the rebellion's beliefs- it's no secret that they hate horde soldiers, and that no forgiveness is ever offered. It's prejudiced and amoral.

In SPOP, the Horde isn't evil in the black and white sense that most stories present their villains. They are a combination of bad, but also good: we can see that good in the stories of Catra, Scorpia, Lonnie, etc- even Hordak, the supposed leader of the evil Horde, shows he can be better and gets a redemption.

So, Adora’s intimate connections to people from her former life always demanded more understanding from her than just being crushed under She-ra’s golden boot. ... Not that anybody in the rebellion is actually interested in considering this possibility- and Adora is far too concerned at failing in her new duties as She-ra to stop and see it, and so challenge those views.

It was another missed chance to help people, rather than divide, that Adora misses seeing due to her traumas- her addition to their ranks should have been a chance to change the derogatory views of the rebellion for the better, to open a real path towards freedom for people within the horde who feel trapped by its abusive system, so they can find safety from it like she did when she switched sides.

It's a way in which she could have helped her former friends, and it might even have lead to resolving the war more peacefully- losing soldiers in such a way would have weakened the Horde, possibly even seen its collapse… also, Catra would have seen that Adora was no longer giving in to a blanket derogatory view of people like her... -> ->note, Adora's childhood best friend helms the Horde, and yet, Adora still cannot find common ground ? (This is because of Adora's own divisive and prejudiced behavior towards Catra. Also, Hordak is barely the leader of the Horde- as he hides in his lab and only emerges to makes snide comments.....)

Quick aside: yes, Adora does make a few weak offers of this in s1 to Catra, but always coming after Catra had been further abused because of Adora’s actions, and always with Adora acting in her superior way that shows no understanding of how she's hurtful. It makes Catra doubt Adora’s sincerity.

As it turns out, this derogatory view of the rebellion is a much larger failure: it fails the people of the horde, but very importantly, the way their hurtful views affects Adora equals a personal failure of them all to Adora.

What's really so terribly wrong with the rebellion's close minded views is that we never see any quarter offered to the horde: there's no opportunity for such people to be better- no choice given to them to step free of their abusive situation, and to prove they don't really stand for that. Not having that offer in place is an immoral act, and an abandonment of duty.

Glimmer and Angella’s presumption of evil upon all horde with no path to forgiveness in itself traps those very people in the system which forces them to act in evil ways. War is never an easy thing to solve- but presuming the enemy as evil shuts down all possible further understanding, and perpetuates the violence: as leaders of their world, Glimmer and Angella needed to do better.

And, their hurtful views are also a enormous personal failure to Adora, because it frightens Adora and leads to her continued self hurting-

Adora accepts the rebellion's close minded views that are forced on her, she throws herself into battle continuously trying to make up for her failure to be perfect. She's so afraid to fail them that she acts in compromised ways- such as looking to sacrifice herself, or hurtfully protecting her concept of 'destiny' at the cost of brutalizing her former friends in battle, never looking to help them.

It's a hurtful way to live, and Adora does it because she's so afraid to fail her new allies as a former child soldier from the Horde, and so, their views hurt her- Angella and Glimmer's views that being from the horde is synonymous with evil are a personal failure to Adora, particularly from Angella: as a mother, she could have helped Adora to understand her new role as She-ra, and to help Adora understand her trauma.

Instead, Angella judges Adora and treats her like she's evil unless she fights as she's told to... even though Adora, as an orphan, never had a choice in being from the horde. This is an emotionally hurtful failure to Adora as a friend, (Glimmer) and as a mother (Angella).

::This is also the beginning of a series of failures, one which ends with everyone being hurt, because of Adora’s betrayal of being a hero of love, in what could be considered a butterfly effect-

-> Adora takes the hurtful, close minded black and white view of morality of the rebellion, and applies it to her relationship with Catra- she ignores their intimate history and her promises, and implies that Catra must be evil like Shadow Weaver at multiple intervals following her defection. That is a failure of love, and of their lifetime of their intimate friendship with each other.

Catra had been hurt her whole life, she watched as Adora turned from her as a friend to be the enabler of their abuser. She's had enough of being hurt in this way, and Adora isn't even making an effort to understand why Catra feels so hurt by her actions. So, Catra wants to be free of Adora, who hurts her.

Catra fails Adora as a friend- ending the generosity of love we see her have in ep1-2, that she kept giving despite Adora being so hurtful towards her. Catra is done with Adora’s double standards, she agrees to fight the war against them all, since Adora so seemingly wants it as part of her new life and a 'destiny' which ends up being fake, anyways.

And so, the rebellion's close minded views creates Adora’s failure to Catra, Catra goes to war against them, and so, the one enemy they simply cannot defeat is created by their own close minded views that the forced on Adora...

The rebellion fails Adora -> Adora fails Catra (plus all of her former friends) -> and in reverse, Adora fails ALL of them -> rebellion alike, by failing to make the choice of love, of trying to make an effort to preserve her and Catra’s love, she turns Catra against them all with her lack of faith in their love, choosing to act hurtfully instead. It is a failure of being the hero of love that Etheria chose Adora to be...

A chain reaction that starts with Glimmer and Angella’s own hurtful views ends with EVERYONE being hurt- it amplifies the war, because, Adora is at the center of all that happens, and isn't being the hero she should be... you could ever say it causes a butterfly effect...

Still, Adora had a choice to be better.

Just like she had a choice to stand up to Shadow Weaver in the horde. Just like she had a choice to not turn on everyone in her old life, judging them in such hurtful ways, while never looking to help them. And, just like she had a choice to value her and Catra’s love, and through seeing how her actions hurt their love, seen that the duty she was so blindly devoting herself to was wrongly making her hurt people that deserved better from her.

Adora in s1 has so little emotional presence to be able to see her own hurtfulness- it's due to how she was hurt- that she places her concept of duty so far ahead of love that she can't even see the value of a lifelong relationship of love she had with Catra. Why would Catra think Adora cares about her, when she so casually betrays her, infers evil upon her, implies that Catra must be like their abuser ?

If, Adora was a more emotionally present person, she would have recognized that she needed to find a better way that didn't just brutalizing everyone from her previous life. And the rebellion itself doesn't help her, they just place their unfair expectations upon her. Her trauma makes it hard for her to see why love is important- she can hardly see the bond of love that she has with Catra... so, she doesn't choose love out of false belief in duty and fails to be the hero she's meant to be.. and everyone suffers for it.

In the end, Angella and Glimmer are not in themselves blameless for creating the situation they face with Catra’s determined war against them, because as leaders of the rebellion, they had been failing the vulnerable people in the horde all along.

As the saying goes, hurt people hurt other people. It's true in life and it's true in SPOP. Mostly people hurt each other because of trauma, and in SPOP everyone's trauma adds to the sadness of the war they fight for 4 seasons, horde and rebellion alike, not just Catra... or Adora. It's not the war they needed to fight, it never was, and as such they are all mostly caught unawares when their mistakes in this way results in Horde Prime finding them- ie- the true enemy they all should have been preparing to face...

... Which, it must be acknowledged, results from Glimmer's choice of trying to use a despicable super weapon to win a war- one in which her own bad attitude hurtfully influences Adora and therefore helped to amplify. Glimmer's act nearly destroys them all, while exposing their location to their true enemy all along...

Glimmer’s naive decision results in so much disaster that it really makes you wonder if the rebellion ever deserved to win the war with the way they conducted themselves...

I'd argue no…

Glimmer’s act, and how the princesses are caught so unaware of their true enemies- (ie, Horde Prime and the First Ones) shows them to be so naive that they likely would have inadvertently activated the Heart in time, and thus destroyed themselves, anyways.

They failed to be better, acting in way that added further trauma to the system. (..this is likely really a commentary on the chaos of war in general) And, the princesses really have NO excuse for being caught so unawares like they were- they don't know their own world's history- there's no real excuse for this. Especially when we see that it was indeed possible- Shadow Weaver uncovered much of it as part of her evil plans to attain more power. (Shoutout to Bow’s dads, who made a heroic effort to understand it, while starting from scratch- 🥰)

Add to this that Glimmer’s corrupted choice to activate the heart happens much as a consequence of her listening to, you guessed it, Shadow Weaver, and we have all the proof we need that the princesses don't understand their own “hubris”.

Long story short, everyone messes up the first 4 seasons, nobody is being their best- and so, Adora has to go to great lengths and great personal risk to herself to repair all of their previous mistakes during her s5 arc. She does this in a very beautiful way- she does it through the power of her love- *not* out of destiny, or duty, or even sacrifice. (Part 3)

Adora was always a hero of love, love IS her power, and she should have seen it sooner. Trauma is what blocked her.

A bit of sympathy for Adora:

Even though I'm talking about how she's wrong, Adora constantly found herself unfairly forced into bad situations by others' expectations put on her, some of which are evil, others are at the least unfair and corrupted by hurt. So, she ends up making some wrong choices… yet she's She-ra, she's still got to be better than that.

And Adora shows great courage in getting free of her trauma cycle to trust in the power of love instead of duty, like she was always supposed to do. How she gets past this trauma mentality is by simply learning to reconnect to her best self- and her deepest feelings of love and generosity that she was chosen to be a hero for by Etheria.

... Nevermind the First Ones-- Adora was still chosen by Etheria, as she was as a loving child, before Shadow Weaver ever managed to hurt her and make her into something else.

And, Adora finds this truth within herself with almost no help from anyone with her best interests at heart- Angella tries her best for ~3 minutes in the portal reality, to make up for her own hurtfulness towards Adora. (..Bow and Glimmer do help her some, but are very much involved in their own concerns..) Adora is a hero, but not by destiny… love is her truth.

Now... Adora’s burden as She-ra is indeed incredibly unfair on a personal level, yet as She-ra, she's still got to be able to make the right choices to be able fix the big problems she faces, and making those choices must be guided by love, not by destiny or duty.

So it doesn't matter that she's not responsible for the First Ones original evil, for which she was innocently born into- Adora simply won't quit trying to make it better, because that's who she is at heart. Trying to make things better is always a core motivation for Adora, even though she broke her promise of love to Catra. Love was always her guide, and her strength, that's why Etheria chose her, and in late s4 into s5, we see Adora begin listening to her truth of love.

So, Adora’s hurtfulness with Catra from s1-4 is just the most obvious symptom of how she's struggling with a trauma mindset that blocks her from being the true hero she's meant to be. This means that Adora and Catra's relationship issues and separation was always the real story of Adora's hero's arc, because Adora failed to look deeper and save their love because to her flawed concept of duty.

Being that hero requires not surrendering her reason to false judgements which require her to be hurtful to people who deserved her love and understanding, never mind if Catra makes everything worse with her own hurtful reactions. Adora always needed to be better than that, and being able to be so understanding of the moral complexity of their situation isn't easy, but, she learns to do it. Again, Catra isn't She-ra: Adora is.

::So, SPOP is one big story about people learning to not let their shitty attitudes control them, and of getting past them in order to become better people. Adora had a bad attitude in s1: it made everything worse, she turned on her former friends because of it. Catra’s attitude might be the worst of them all, but they all learn to be better- Glimmer, Angella, Mermista… the list goes on. Everyone needed to be better, and in s5 they are- it's what gives them the power to overcome Horde Prime together.

... Adora rescuing Catra is such an important part of her hero’s arc because of how she is a hero of love, but it's also important because she's making up for her previous mistakes of passing hurtful and false judgements unfairly upon her former friends... and against Catra. We also see Adora’s true powers emerge as she saves Catra, because she's trusting in love...

Speaking of Save the Cat… (part 4)

Still, if you're at all doubting that Adora struggles with being a false hero from s1-4, it's all well confirmed as Adora faces Horde Prime during Save the Cat in order to save Catra…

When Adora shows up to save Catra, and to save their love, Horde Prime pits chipped Catra against Adora, making her play out their entire history of hurting each other for false reasons in order for her to save Catra. This is meant to be a sly and forceful character assasination by Prime of Adora as a false hero, and as a bad friend. He wants Adora to feel weak, that her failures as a hero are so total, and her lack of love so hurtful, that it's much too late for her to fix her mistakes.

Because of his belief, he really isn't expecting Adora to succeed… yet, he doesn't know that Adora has found her truth of love…

He starts out by calling Adora a false hero, rubs it in that she's a First One, part of an evil empire that he easily defeated. And then, as she battles against chipped Catra, he tells her “you will destroy the ones you love in the process.”

This is supposed to be a scathing rebuke of Adora’s actions through s4. One where Adora, and the princesses at large, played into the hands of the First Ones manipulations, where she willingly hurt Catra in the name of her false destiny.

He reminds Adora of all of her failures, and how as a First One she's from an evil race of beings, she's totally at his mercy, just like the She-ra’s before her. He throws Catra at her, tauntingly, offering the chance for her to kill Catra, like she tried to do before in the service of Glimmer and Angella's corrupt expectations that she deliver them from the horde at any cost to herself.

Moments before Glimmer destroys the server, and Adora and Catra get their chance to talk, Prime rubs it in just how much Catra had to suffer for her sacrifice to protect Adora- “she was scared in the end, and she suffered”. A cruelty Catra shouldn't have had to suffer, but for Adora’s long standing history of betraying her for false duty.

Adora tells Catra she's not giving up on her, something she did through the first 4 seasons of SPOP with her blind righteousness towards Catra, never stopping to consider how she herself might have been wrong, instead stubbornly trying to enact her false destiny.

Prime compels Adora- it's too late, the damage is done, he's all but assured to win. She is behind enemy lines, and weak.. “then you are a fool, you cannot stop Horde Prime… he will reign triumphant… it is destiny”.

Her and Catra finally get to talk to each other when the server is destroyed, and as Catra reaches out, nearly taking Adora’s hand, wanting to go home again, he steals it away and taunts Adora one more time: “some creatures are destined only for destruction”- like it always was… Catra was meant to fail from the beginning, to die. And Adora was the tool of her abusers, she threw Catra aside as part of their evil plan to make her fail for their corrupt purposes. He sends Catra plummeting to her near death..

Clutching Catra’s dying body to her chest, Prime tells Adora “it did not have to be like this”. He's telling Adora that it never had to be like this, all of her betrayals of Catra, her struggles in vain against her false destiny, were done in a naive blindness that only ever made everything worse.

Everyone was made to suffer because of her naive belief in that 'destiny', she's failed, and if she's lucky, perhaps Prime might save Catra. By submitting to his will, maybe she can spare Catra her death... or if not... perhaps Adora can at least forget her mistakes like Catra has been made to do…

We all know what happens next. Adora is not the naive girl who played by the rules of her abusers, she's stronger within herself and knows she cannot abandon love. She's there for Catra- she's going to find a way to love her better, even if that's hard to do. As she says to Prime: "you miscalculated”.

And luckily for her, Catra, a true fighter for her own sacred life, surviving against a lifetime of death threats and near death experiences, is able to hang on just long for Adora to be able to save her from the brink of death..

None of this makes Catra’s actions during the war ok, but keep in mind that Catra shows great remorse for all of her mistakes. She's learned her lessons, too… and her remorse and then total confession of love hints that Catra never did what she did as part of wanting to hurt Adora..

Still… what really makes Catra fight against Adora like she does? After all… she had a choice, too, just like Adora did... (part 5)

Catra could have chosen to sympathize with Adora's views at the battle of Thaymore, after all, Adora was clearly right that what was happening to the civilians was wrong, yet Catra didn't.

As it so turns out, Catra isn't very impressed by some suffering of people who have lived their whole lives more privileged than she has, not when every day of her life had been a crime- surviving against abuse and torture with nowhere to run or anyone to turn to, Adora included.

Her life was that of an orphan, singled out for total destruction by their abuser, and as an orphan, the only way Catra knew for sure she could get free of that was through her own actions. She can't rely on anyone liking her or helping her because of innate magical powers like Adora does.

So, putting her life in the hands of the people who have only ever seen her as an enemy makes no sense, she's been hurt too many times before, including by Adora herself, to take Adora’s word for it.

But, she at least hoped that Adora would have chosen her out of love. Adora's willingness to abandon Catra so totally, and then continuing to behave so hurtfully in all of their further meetings, seems to tell another story.

All of Catra’s anger, and her worst actions through s4 can be summed up in one thing, of which never had to do with her wanting to hurt Adora:

Catra believes that she is totally alone in the world against her abuser, that nobody else properly sees Shadow Weaver's evil or will deal with it. And so it's up to her to do what must be done.

Everyone around her is an enabler in some way: Hordak didn't care to take a role in the Horde's everyday, only cared about results. Glimmer and the princesses become the worst kind of enablers of Shadow Weaver from s3 onward by taking her in, giving her total freedom in all but name. (And then there's the matter of Glimmer letting Shadow Weaver channel her power in s3ep4, which she uses to torture and nearly take Catra’s life yet again...)

But the saddest example is how she thinks Adora is a naive enabler who will never learn any better. Catra feels that way because of Adora's hurtful behaviors towards her, and how Adora couldn't even choose Catra out of love, instead vilifying her and hurting her as part of her false belief in duty.

She's wrong about this- Adora sees Shadow Weaver’s evil, too, she just doesn't know what to do about it. Adora had hoped that leaving her old life behind would free her from Shadow Weaver's corrupt influence over her, and yet... we see Adora struggle with how she was hurt right up until the end. Still, if she had just had one decent talk with Catra, it could have cleared up so much hurt between them so much sooner. (but they never did...)

Adora, as we see her in ep1, is a person that is so incredibly naive that Catra doesn't even need to feel that Adora ever intentionally enabled- Adora's blind devotion to Shadow Weaver's plan, followed by total willingness to abandon their fight against their abuser, while instead assuming evil upon Catra while hurtfully lumping Catra in with said abuser, means, as far as Catra could tell, that Adora was never going to choose to help her at all.

Adora’s behavior in the horde was so atrociously bad, that her continued hurtfulness after leaving seems to confirm Catra’s worst fears: that Adora really didn't care about her, and only cared about her duty.

If true, Adora having had no plan to help her would have made Adora's continued naive enabling of Shadow Weaver a clear and present danger to Catra's life. Was playing the favorite to their abuser really Adora's only plan? Would she have just continued to enable Shadow Weaver right up until she pulled off whatever betrayal she had for the two of them, killing Catra, or them both? It sure would seem so.

Add to this the fact that Adora just ends up having enabled a different evil manipulator as part of her deserting her, and Catra is done expecting anyone to ever help her with the realities of her abuser. If the princesses want to call her evil, while sheltering her abuser and further enabling Shadow Weaver’s evil, she won't feel bad if they all get hurt along the way. And Adora is naive, something Catra makes abundantly clear during their fights.

Catra does a lot of dangerous and hurtful things in the name of this belief. But, this is a trauma state Catra learns to wake up from, because she's lost just like Adora is, and her trauma mentality is destructive to everyone around her.

It leaves her with nothing… no moment of happiness, nobody to call her a friend, a life of absolute loneliness with nothing to live for except her drive to punish her abuser at any cost, with little to no chance of forgiveness for her violence. She learns every lesson the hard way- that no matter how much your abusers continued existence hurts you, there's simply some things you just do not do… you're no good to anyone if you surrender your heart to that kind of anger.

Catra does show deep remorse for all of her worst actions. And, she's lucky that Adora saves her. (even if she's a bit pissed at Adora for risking herself like that… 🥺😥)

But, in regards to whether she's abusive… in s5 we don't see that. Catra does act out a little bit while coming to terms with why Adora saved her- she didn't think she would ever get a second chance. From that moment onward we only see love and devotion from Catra, she doesn't want to live in her hurtful ways anymore, even if she still has no idea how to feel safe with her abuser running wild (Adora does see and her best to protect Catra from Shadow Weaver in s5). Catra can't keep living like she was, so living to help Adora makes much more sense.

My final appeal to people who have a hard time accepting Catradora… (part 6)

:: We should all strive to not let our personal hurt block us from appreciating people's situations, and understanding them. I know it may seem like I'm targeting Adora harshly, but that's why I went to such lengths to show how her issues play out in the narrative. Adora struggles to be her best self, like Catra does, and accepting this about her doesn't mean we need to love her any less than we already do!

Adora is absolutely precious, as is Catra… they never should have been hurt like they were- Adora as the ‘hero’ and Catra as singled out for destruction because of how she loved Adora.

They were always sweet girls, like the innocent and loving children we see them as in their earliest memories, before that day when Shadow Weaver hurt them so badly.

The beautiful love we see between them in s5 is what they always deserved- they should have been allowed to grow up with innocence and then fallen in love, but instead they got hurt because of the corrupt intentions of others.

They both spend the arc of the series trying to get past how they've been hurt, to get back to each other. And how they do that is by remembering the way they loved each other before Shadow Weaver was ever able to hurt them so much and drove them apart.

That, was always their truth, their love is good and pure like it is in those childhood memories. They were always supposed to love each other, and their division was a mistake that happens out of how Shadow Weaver and others have hurt them.

Both of them show tremendous courage in working hard to be able to step past how trauma controls them to be better, it's not just Catra who has to do this.

Adora does, too, because she's got to trust in love, not duty or destiny or sacrifice to be incredibly strong in the ways she needs to be to do the really scary things she has to do- such as stopping the Heart, and of solving a millennia old war that was never her fault, plus more. Love was always what makes Adora strong enough to do the very hard things which she has to do.

When Catra is given a second chance in s5, she sees that Adora is being hurt, and how nobody really helps her… they just expect her to do whatever has to be done. And that's wrong, because it’s unfair and it hurts her. Catra knows Adora has been hurt all of her life, she just didn't realize how much...

Catra may have been made to suffer because of Adora, but she survived that, and so she heals herself to be free of it as best she can in s5. And, Catra realizes she can help Adora, really really help her, to do the very hard things that are expected of her… Catra puts everything she has into helping Adora in s5. It's what Catra always thought she'd do, as the wiser child that knew how evil the world really was. She just got all mixed up inside, fearing that Adora would never really love her… and that was wrong of her.

Catra isn't really expecting redemption.. or even for Adora to return her feelings of romantic love back to her in the same way that she feels. She's a bit a of a pessimist, and has been left waiting her whole life to see someone show care and real love to her... But, all she has left is her love for Adora, and so she gives everything she has to her.

I think that's really courageous of her, and when she sees Adora is failing in the Heart chamber, she makes a dazzling series of romantic moves during the dream and the kiss- to show Adora that she's loved, that she's wanted, and that she's not alone. Brave, romantic moves which Catra didn't know for certain that Adora would reciprocate, but... she was still willing to do it, she loves her too much to let Adora fail, and die, while feeling so scared and alone. So, Catra does everything she can think of to let Adora know that she's loved. Catra deserves some credit for that.

We see that it works, as Adora has always loved her, too. Adora was just too blocked from expressing her love by her trauma. And Adora’s final test, as a hero of love, is quite simply to accept that she can be loved, not as a hero, but for who she is...

... I don't know what else to say to anyone who can't accept their love, or at least I won't here. I think it is the most beautiful love story I have ever seen.

In large part this is because it's not simplified. Catra and Adora’s love isn't just assumed to be kismet, they have to work hard to be together. They are both really bad communicators, and had to learn to talk to each other. This is true with most relationships, and in doing so they become truly loving partners to each other.

... So, it might have been nice if there had been enough time for Noelle to give us even one more kiss between them... but, I think Noelle wanted to tell us a very mature, grown up story about overcoming adversity to embrace love. And I think that's really commendable of them.

Sorry that took so long… Anyways, Catradora is the best ship, I don't make the rules! 😅🚢 ✨ I realize I won't be able to convince everyone, but that kiss was beautiful, was it not?? So, I hope my words aren't a total loss, and that maybe I can convince just a few people to feel like I do.

Love is power. 💞🏳️‍🌈☺️

:: Hi!! - I will gladly answer anyone's questions, and feel free to let me know what you thought of this. Thank you.

Also, if you've read this far, thank you for that- if you enjoyed it please consider giving it a ✨reblogg✨ or a like!! *humble thanks 🙇*

Peace and Love,

~EtheriaDearie 🕊

Some final notes:

Yes, I do realize these are fictional characters, but it's easier to talk about them this way- they are the nuanced creations of very creative people, meant for us to enjoy… in that way they might as well be real, because they have so much to teach us-

Got time to read something short (yes I mean it!!) that's mostly pictures? Check out this cool theory about Adora's dream it's real quick!! 💞🏳️‍🌈

-all hyperlinks are on tumblr. Here's a list of my other analyses-

LotFP = Legend of the Fire Princess. It's canon, important, a whole lot of fun, and worth checking out!! 10/10 😉

-note: I will not use the term 'toxic' because of how I feel the word carries cultural connotations which detract from discussion. However, discuss as you wish! I have no issue with the word or the concept, I just seek to be very clear in my meanings -

Finally, here's a link to a YouTube video of Adora saying Catra's name (fast forward to 0:40). You can really hear how her tone changes through time, in particular in s3 right before Catra pulls the switch, as Adora is coming to terms with her mistakes as She-ra. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f_WRT3D3n_I

[soclonely]

Clones as some controversial or unpopular opinions you have, serious or funny ones!

I'll do a little mix of both, as a treat! **These are all my personal opinions**

Rex- Butter belongs at room temperature Echo- Steak should be served rare or medium rare Fives- All businesses should have employee only bathrooms that the manager is in charge of cleaning. The workers clean the customers, so its only fair the manager cleans theirs. Jesse- Dogs Rule, Cats Drool (metaphorically ofc. Duke soaks my floor after coming in from his walk) Kix- Pineapple belongs on pizza Tup- In high school, Gym should not be mandatory, however cooking and classic home ec or basic life skills classes should be. Dogma- Stop pressuring women into getting married and having kids because society deems it necessary. Let them choose their own paths Hardcase- The only good cup of tea is one with a lot of ice and a lot of sugar added (just kidding i like all but nothing beats sweet iced tea) Coric-Vegetables are better than dessert Bly- Some people are chasing love so much right now, that they forgt to learn to love and "date" themselves 99- State testing is a fucking sham way for schools to get money. Literally all you work on in elementary on is StAtE tEsTiNg PrEp and "oh do your best because this tests results is a grade for your teachers performance AND the schools!" How about you use a students overall grades at the end of the year and success rate over time? I come from Oklahoma City School districts where currently 60-70% of our schools are scab teachers because of protesting. This means that the current teachers teaching in their place are not fully qualified to teach them long term. My nephew has had 4 teachers this year! What about students with testing anxiety? What about them? Cody- Also teacher should be paid more. TF is this $22,000 a year my best friend is paid, with 7 years of experience? Waxer/Boil- Also everyone deserves a right to an education Wolffe- Trade school should be encouraged more. I am so tired of seeing as a society of people feeling pressured to go to college. Trade school is a fantastic alternative if there is nothing interesting for you at college. A majority of people who I know that dropped out after the first year said they only went for the experience. Its over glorified in movies and in school and we need to start admitting its not for everyone and thats okay! Boost/Sinker- The best music you will hear are the opening and closing songs for nearly any anime. Hunter- JarJar is hella sexy Wrecker- If you can't respect someone else's religion, beliefs (minus asshole nazi, terfs, and any other clearly toxic scenarios), life style choices, or existence than YOU are the problem. Tech- The biggest waste of money in my life was every school dance I went to and bought a dress for. I barely remember any details from prom, homecoming, or any of that. Crosshair- I love drinking pickle juice, love it iced, and love it in alcohol. Omega- There should be a mandatory retirement age for people working in the government, especially representatives of the people. Howzer- A woman shouldn't have to have her husband present in the room when talking to her doctor about birth control. My friend had to have her husband sign off a paper with his "knowledge" that she was getting a hysterectomy. Fucking bullshit no one has a say about my body but ME. Fox- Imperialism sucks so why are we still fucking doing it guys? Gregor- I can never give up on human kind no matter how shitty some people are. Earth has beauty, different cultures to explore, people to meet, and many amazing discoveries to uncover. There is more good than bad and we need to start embracing that.

[razorblade180]

Twin Snowflakes 38:A Knight’s Battle

Part 37 <-

Battles, like most things in life, are often decided in an instant. Be it by mistake or by chance. Today, the people witnessed hundreds of those instances; getting a good look at just what it means to be the best and train for huntsmen life. It was invaluable knowledge for those participating, and the teacher sewing those lessons into their resolve was none other than their fellow aspiring huntsman, Nicholas Schnee. Many had lost count of the times his brilliant sword clashed with another over the hours, but not his family, nor did Port.

As another challenger fell down the stairs, the professor was almost at a loss for words. “Thirty seven, for the thirty seventh time, Nicholas Schnee has bested those eager to climb the ranks!”

The applause of the crowd was drowned out by Nick’s own thoughts. Things were going almost perfectly, counting the shaking start. Challenges had slowed down to almost none. Nobody was too excited to fight more than two rounds with him considering his vicious tactics. Many had changed their strategy to climbing the ranks higher than their start, but that was all. Nick felt a little sorry. It was like he had fizzled out many peoples’ enthusiasm to even dream of a medal. A consequence of the plan he supposed. Nick was shocked by his own prowess. The spacing between matches helped maintain or recover stamina, but even so, he felt energized beyond belief. Third place was the most hectic spot to be in. Guess he shouldn’t be so surprised, all things considered. Unlike a majority of his peers, Nick was familiar with not only fighting for his life, but fighting to gain strength to best his enemy. Shiva wasn’t gonna disappear all on her own after all.

“Who would’ve thought he’d come this far as a fighter? I gotta hand it to you guys, you turned Nick into a mini beast!” Nora praised. “Most of his fights have always been against Val, so I didn’t notice.”

Jaune chuckled, “Hehe, honestly, we’re shocked too.”

Weiss nodded, “Both Nick and Summer have always been diligent in training but I can’t say it’s shown the depths of their vigor, not like this or the duos final.” Mentioning that made everyone think about that fight all over again.

Summer felt a little uncomfortable. Regret about her lie to them hurt a little. Still, telling the full truth was something she couldn’t resolve herself to do.

“We’re desperate.” She spoke aloud. “Desperate to change, to be a better version of ourselves. One that can do the things we can’t, so failing here…it just doesn’t feel acceptable. The training would feel worthless. At least…that’s what I’m sure Nick is thinking as well.” Maybe she was trying to justify her choices but that’s how she really felt.

None of the adults could argue with the sentiment, given the situation. Summer and Nick’s feelings really couldn’t be that different from theirs when the days were nothing but nonstop training, doing everything in their power to take down Salem. Though Shiva wasn’t as world threatening, she was threatening to the world as they know it, that being their lives. Telling the kids not to worry would be fruitless.

“Good thing we’re together.” Ren said, cutting through the silence. “As long as we’re together and helping, you’ll be the people you’ll aspire to be. It’s what we do.”

“Yeah…yeah, you’re right.” Summer smiled, “Thanks for that.”

Ren smiled, he then suddenly realized his friends and wife were looking at him grins across their faces. The resident ninja turned red with embarrassment, turning back to the fights in an attempt to ignore them. “Hm? Uh guys?”

They all looked. Nick was walking over to the second platform where Eliza sits patiently. After her match Val earlier, she chose to retreat back to her spot. It surprised many that she didn’t approach again, yet chose to maintain her position. Not a hard feat, up until now anyways.

“Well well! Nick seems to be making a move, to reclaim his spot. Good thing too, this battle for glory is slowly dwindling!” Port said.

Figuring out the plan had become easier as time passed. It was safe to say most could see the method to Nick’s madness, but Weiss was still the only person to pick up on the fact her son had to be working with Eliza. A glance at Valerie was all it took to see how antsy she was. No doubt according to plan. Valerie may have been fresh for combat, but Nick was more than warmed up. He’s been calm the entire time as well.

“Our knights might soon fight, Nora.” Weiss jokes.

“Yours has to face a witch first. Fingers crossed though. Those two, always pretending to be knights along with Summer. It’s only fitting that they face off once again!”

Summer couldn’t help but cringe a little, remembering the days they all had toy weapons and acted as royal guards for their parents. In a way, they never grew out of it. Summer likes to think the virtues, even if wavered at times, still hold true. Meanwhile her brother and best friend never let the rivalry die. If only she had their energy.

Eliza stood up as Nick walked up the stairs. The boy's hair was still slicked back but messy from battle. He was composed, yet his face was tinted red. That didn’t stop his calm breathing or the burning intensity in his eyes that held not only determination, but excitement as well. That darn look. Eliza couldn’t help but get goosebumps. That look screamed “we got this” and it felt good. For as bothersome as Nick could be, Eliza couldn’t deny she was never bored when seeing him in his element; constantly thinking and not afraid to reveal his more smug,sinister side, that’s who Eliza favored. The world can have the Nick that always smiled and waved. That one was no way near as enjoyable as this jerk in front of her. She readied her spear. Though the outcome of this battle was planned, Eliza was aware this would be her first real match all day. No time to slack off.

“Try your best.” Nick said, wanting this to be as genuine as it could be. His work wouldn’t mean much if it wasn’t.

Eliza smirked, “Trust me, I intend to.” Her eyes glowed. She tapped the bottom of her spear against the ground.

Instinctively, Nick sidestepped left. A single bolt of lightning came crashing down where he stood. No better opener than a fast one. Nick returned the sentiment with his blade cloaked in electricity. Chain lightning extended from a horizontal slash that made Eliza take flight. Nick switched to fire, sending cascading waves of flames to reach her.

Summer leaned forward, “Finally breaking out the dust.”

Eliza canceled out the fire by slinging water slashes. Immediately after, she compressed an orb of it at the spear’s tip that blasted a stream of pressurized water. Nick responded by stabbing Mort Froide into the ground. A brown glyph formed before her eyes that erected a stone wall that blocked the water. A flash of white shot out from the left side that caught her attention. It was a summoning sword, but as quickly as she noticed it, it vanished.

“Damnit!” She looked right and saw Nick, already midair and ready to strike. He baited her! Eliza brought her spear up to block his blade. A hue of black glowed around the edge. Eliza’s body suddenly felt the weight of his blow double, creating enough force to send her crashing into a kneel. Lightning, fire, earth, a summon, and gravity; all in succession. Nick was giving her a first class lesson on just how proficient he actually was. Eliza rolled away onto her feet as he came down with a stab. Nick wasn’t the only one who knew how to use the elements creatively.

Cones of solid rock formed overhead and spun rapidly. With gravity dust still affecting his blade, Nick had a decent idea of her play and admittedly, had no good answer for it. He somehow managed to raise the blade up quick enough to block the rocks, exposing his body to easily getting stabbed; which Eliza was already taking advantage of. Her spear was already on its way to thrust right into him.

“He’s opened!” Eliza added stone to the blade's tip for extra kick. It should’ve been a clean hit. However, Nick is always full of surprises. Instead of attempting to dodge or move his weighted weapon down fast enough to block, Nick let it go entirely! Mort Froide fell between them, its descent timed well enough to intercept Eliza’s attack.

Nick summoned a blade into his hands that he swung along the shaft of the spear towards Eliza’s head. She actually managed to crouch low enough in time. Not only that, Eliza twisted her body around violently which made Nick jump up as the spear came swinging for his midsection. Nick wasn’t sure of the extent of Eliza’s abilities. Much like him, she trains alone often. It would be dangerous to assume her magic worked like glyphs, in which the more complex and powerful moves required a free hand. That said, she definitely uses her spear as a giant wand at times. Her work around for having a two handed weapon perhaps? Nick hit the spear’s end away from him. Eliza let go with her left and blasted a pocket of wind that was too fast to block. It hit like a gut punch that sent him sliding back.

Eliza took no chances with Nick. She liked her distance and intended to keep it. More stones were made but in the form of pillars. Not only that, Eliza sent them towards Nick’s actual sword to trap it inside the makeshift prison. “His gigas blade is only so durable. Even if he makes another, it’ll cost him aura.” Eliza swung her spear over head with both hands before smacking it to the ground to create puddles of water that shot up like gyres one after another towards Nick.

They were slow but pretty big. Nick started running around the arena’s perimeter as the attack seemed to track him. Meanwhile, Eliza shot much faster and smaller chunks of ice that might as well be bullets. “That’s right, she’s not bound to one element at a time.” He grumbled to himself, blocking ice.

The water nearly caught up because of that but in a stroke of quick thinking, Nick put a glyph on his foot as he kicked the pillar or rushing water for a burst of speed. His body was briefly sent up which he used to go into a backflip to dodge ice. When he landed, Nick kept the glyph on his foot and started sliding backwards casually as if he was on a rink. The crowd seemed to really like that. Much to Eliza’s annoyance.

“My word! Looks like we’re getting two kinds of performances. A good battle and years of ice rink skills!” Port laughed.

Not even Valerie could hold back her chuckle. Ever the showman Nick was. Even when he wasn’t trying to be. In truth, he probably figured moving like that was less taxing than actually running. Still, the flip was a little much.

The water attack finally ended and with it the field was now drenched. Nick was able to simply spin his blade to deflect ice as he moved like this. He noticed Eliza’s hand spark and bent his knee. Just like he would’ve done, Eliza hit the floor with an electrical current. Nick was ready though. He leapt into a double axel that ended with him landing on the stone wall he made earlier. Not much room for moving but it was doable.

Eliza combined fire with earth to make a molten rock half her size. She put a spin on it and aimed slightly lower than Nick’s possession to also damage the wall.

“Destroying that would cost him his sword. If he jumps, I can hit midair or catch him with another lightning blast when he touches the ground.”

Eliza watched as he ran halfway down the wall, briefly out of view before her attack exploded before hitting the wall. Nick came flying through the dust a second later. “He chose to sacrifice his-” “Huh?”

Nick did indeed break his sword to counter her attack. However, what Eliza failed to see was him create a second sword in his left, its form forged from the stone wall itself. The blade clashed violently against her spear. Eliza’s legs buckled and her jaw clenched as Nick’s face was inches away. She hadn’t thought about him using a construct made from dust to make another construct. She would’ve gotten rid of the wall sooner!

“You didn’t want me dual wielding, did you?” Nick gasped as he made a glyph in his right. Her eyes stopped glowing. She opened one hand, still using it to brace the spear, but also attempting to make a nullification orb. Nick pushed her away, hastily avoiding its range as it went off. He was only able to knock her off balance because of that attack in the first place. Nick took the opportunity to make his second gigas sword, then immediately threw it at her.

Eliza knocked it away but it gave Nick enough time to throw his stone sword at one of her rock pillars, smashing them both and making an opening to grab Mort Froide. “Crap!” She stood up.

Nick made a gravity that shifted his blade from being weighed down, to making it light; along with everything in the immediate area. The remaining pillars levitated before being sent all at once lengthwise towards Eliza at astonishing speed.

Eliza prepared to fly up but was forced to stand her ground as another gravity glyph opened under her feet. “Tsk, fine then!” Her eyes glowed again and she sent out a combination of water and wind that reduced the pillars to dust. It was all for not however as the gravity glyph unknowingly vanished once she committed to fending off the attack. Volts of electricity ran up and through her body, stunning her. The pillars had unstructured Nick from her sight, making her unwarranted that he had swapped to lightning dust and stabbed Mort Froide into the drenched battlefield. Eliza could only watch, paralyzed, as Nick was speeding through the air towards her with the gigas blade she knocked away being summoned back into his hands. In practically every way, Nick had flipped her attacks right back at her.

Nick extended the widened the size of his blade, performing a sideswipe that while damaging Eliza, focused on flinging her across the arena, right through the stairway opening. He stuck the sword in the ground to land on, avoiding his own electrical attack, and giving one hell of a pose the crowd soon wouldn’t forget as the match ended.

“And Nicholas Schnee takes his spot back!!!” Port shouted with immense excitement.

“Let’s goooo!” Both Summer and Veronica shouted, jumping out of their seats. They realized their sudden outburst and quickly sat back down.

Summer smirked, “What happened to you cheering for both?”

“Good fight Eliza!!!” Veronica yelled, attempting to look unbiased. It didn’t work but she definitely tried. “You’re awesome!!!”

Eliza didn’t hit the floor too hard. Thank goodness she actually managed to avoid hitting the stairs completely. As she sat up, she saw Nick crouched atop the hilt of his blade, hair messy and a proud smile across his face. Eliza squinted, “Drama queen.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you had every intent to win that.”

Eliza got a little red. She totally got swept up into the match more than once. “You said try my best.” She defended.

“And I don’t regret it. That was fun.” He smiled.

“Just hurry up and do your job.” Eliza stood up and stretched as she walked to the edge that overlooked the rest of the fights. Her eyes maintained a glow, dispelling many people’s idea of trying to approach third place. Fourth place was in the middle of a match but with little time left and how Nick orchestrated everything, Eliza doubted the victor could or would try anything. Getting carried away probably worked in her favor. Not only that, using primarily magic meant her aura was spared excessive use. Truly, it was scary how well Nick set things up.

With nothing left but to move forward to his goal, Nick took a breath to compose himself before finally speaking. “I challenge Valerie Valkyrie.”

A simple and obvious command, yet it energized the audience. Nick was heading right into things without much rest. Not that he could afford to burn too much time. He walked up the steps.

Summer couldn’t help but grip her skirt while Veronica crossed her arms. They weren’t the only ones on edge. Ren found himself tapping his foot. This should’ve been a match for the books, but with how things have been between the two kids, he wasn’t sure he wanted them to fight.

“You think…they’ll be friends after this.” He said aloud, surprising most.

Nora raised brows. “Of course!” She said with confidence. “I mean sure, they’ve been a little tense between each other but neither of them would hold a loss over the other.”

Weiss nodded, “Yeah, Val is a good sport and Nick has never been a sore loser in the past.”

“I know. It’s just…they haven’t really talked much recently. Fighting is bound to bring up festering emotions.”

Veronica could sense the growing concern among them. “So what?” She huffed, “If you ask me, neither of them are that good at talking to begin with. I say a fight is overdo. Not like any of you haven’t tussled before.”

She had a good point. Words didn’t solve everything. Still, Ren watched cautiously. “Let’s just hope it’s a fight that doesn’t go too far.”

Nick reached the top. This was it. The excuses of waiting until after the tournament would soon be over. They were about to see if all the space between them was worth anything. Valerie didn’t look particularly excited as she looked at Nick’s serious expression. This truly was nothing like last year’s battle.

Valerie spoke, “Ummm how you holding up? Things got pretty heated after the doubles.”

“Don’t worry, I’m plenty focused now. I suggest you do the same. Unless you really think all that space did you any favors like it did me.” He readied his blade.

Valerie’s eyes narrowed. She drew her double bladed battle ax slowly. “Fine, guess we’ll talk when you’re done pouting.”

Nick walked around Valerie, looking for an opening. If she bought his rude attitude so easily that she wouldn’t attempt using her semblance, then his plan really was working. Lack of fighting, their tension, tournament nerves; Valerie had to be feeling anxious. Most people would assume she’s most like her mother, but Nick knew better. No matter how confident and outgoing, enterally, she stressed about every little thing. Any moment now, she would surely…

“Tsk.” Valerie lunged at Nick, not waiting for him to make the first move. “Don’t talk smack if you won’t back it up!”

“Maybe she is more Nora?” He thought, diving out of the way of her ax.

Nick rolled onto his feet. The dance had begun. He slashed along the ground while making a glyph that sent a trail of icicles to her. It was no surprise seeing her smash right through with a single forward slash. He back stepped a swipe at her chest then tapped his sword against her ax to overextend the swing. Val threw out a raising knee that clipped his chin. Leave it to her to maintain pressure. Nick put a glyph under her raised leg like step. The expected stop messed with her rhythm and Nick backed away.

“He didn’t sweep her foot?” Veronica said in shock.

“I know you have your fair share of battles with Valerie but trust me, Nick knows better than trying to topple her or stay close.” Summer warned. “These two know exactly what they need to do to win.”

Nick made pockets of ice around the area. “Let’s do this.” He took off! Ice swords shot from the frozen areas and into the sky, all of them spinning. Valerie split her ax into duel tomahawks. The blades rain down where most shattered against Valerie’s quick blocks while she ran.The ones that missed landed like fallen blades on a battlefield around them. Nick came swinging for her knees but she leaped over his sword then turned to face him as he was already swinging for her body with an ice sword he must’ve caught. Valerie deflected it quickly, then did the same for his real blade. Again and again, one after another, Nick switched what sword to thrust at her, keeping Valerie constantly moving her arms and stepping back.

Nicholas swung the ice blade with all his might, causing it to shatter against the ax. The moment it did, his left hand was already causing another sword to shoot towards her. Valerie jumped out of the way and he caught his new blade. Nick kicked off a glyph to immediately close the gap she made then continued slashing viciously against her defenses. The sound of their weapons rang like an armory hard at work. No matter what, Nick had to keep Valerie moving at his pace.

Veronica’s eyes could hardly keep track. Nick’s attacks were getting faster! There was a blade always close by for him to either grab immediately or send his way. Credit had to be given though. Valerie was keeping up well. She hadn’t gotten hit yet. Veronica watched the girl push Nick off but a glyph was made to not only catch him, but lunch him up, then straight down to make her block upwards. Nick flipped his body so he’d fall behind her but Valerie was quick to turn with him.

Summer found herself captivated. Her brother got low and aimed at thigh level. The moment Valerie jumped he crossed his blades under her feet, launching her into the air. “Woah!” Nick took into the air after her by springboarding off a glyph.

Valerie kept parrying the relentless attack. There was barely a moment to breathe let alone think, and midair combat was not her forte. Nick swung down with both swords. The force broke another ice sword but sent her crashing down. However, it was a short fall. A glyph rose to the sky to meet her back. Valerie let out a grunt of pain but still got to her feet. Nick came down with a stab into the glyph that turned it blue. The shattered ice in the air reformed his blade, but clearly weaker, as one block broke it completely. That’s when she gasped. Valerie looked down through the glyph to see all the shattered and remaining swords flying up to meet her. Nick immediately dove away while retrieving his blade, destroying their foothold.

“Shit!” Valerie covered her face and did her best to ball up as a storm of blades flew into her. As they cleared, red light spread across the coliseum. Below her was Nick with his sword to the sky. At his feet were flames that combined at Mort Froide’s tip into a massive ball.

Eliza smiled. “You gave yourself the time, built up power, made the shape, all you gotta do is aim and…”

The massive fireball shook the ground as it launched into the sky. As it got closer, Valerie felt like it was more of a small sun than a simple flame. He had to use most of his flame dust on it! She combined her axes then aimed it left, pulling its trigger to move out of the path.

“Noooo!” Summer and Weiss cried. They were there when Nick could barely light a candle. They wanted that to hit!

Port laughed, “Ha! Such a fine weapon!” He said with complete bias. “Nothing beats guns and axes!”

Nick smirked, remembering Eliza’s teachings. He did all the steps and fired it off. Now he can focus on one thing, direction. “Got you.” He pointed at Valerie. The fireball exploded into smaller, faster flames that rained down like a meteor shower.

Weiss, Summer, and Eliza nearly screamed. “He made the candle training a move!? Valerie is the candle!?!?”

Valerie shot up to bring to the ground faster then shot left for a speedy dodge from the flame salvo. Nick b-lined it towards her. The glyph on his glyph on his sword kept the fire homing in. Valerie swung her ax against his blade but the flames slammed against his sword with tremendous force. Nick managed to overcome the brute force of her strike and slashed against Valerie with a blazing strike that slammed her against the barrier.

As people cheered and Veronica watched Nick smile through the sweat that ran down his face as he rolled his shoulders, she understood what Summer said earlier. Not only that, but the depths of why Nick’s body was worn out the way it was when she examined him. This was a battle of endurance. Nick has to be faster consistently. In the split time Valerie was able to match his strength in the brief moment she had time to set the pace of her swing. If she got a clean hit on him on her own terms… Veronica doubts even his aura could take many blows like that.

“Is he gonna be okay? He might burn out going this hard.”

“He’ll be fine.” Jaune said with confidence. “When it’s something important, Nick never feels tired until the job is done.”

“Well, I can’t argue with that.”

Valerie stumbled forward a bit. The impact made her ears ring but other than that, she was fine. Just…alarmed. “That was new. Guess Summer taught him some tricks. That’s fine.” She shook herself off and went back to duel wielding. “I got this. I got this~”

Nick watched her pink aura begin to glow faintly. His entire body reeled backwards as one of the tomahawks came swinging by without warning. “That’s fast!” He put up a glyph to block his left, but Valerie broke right through. “And strong!” Nick swung his blade around to his left. The brunt of the attack was avoided but he was still sent flying towards the stairway.

“Yes!” Nora cheered.

A glyph manifested in front of the stair. A human sized Arma Gigas arm came flying out of it, catching Nick by the arm and flinging him right back at Valerie like a spinning top. Nick’s hands had a death grip on his hilt. He swung down with all the momentum and hit Valerie so hard that wind came off the strike like a shock wave.

Valerie’s forearms took the blow. Both growled and looked at each other like predators fighting for dominance. A blade manifested in Nick’s left hand and the two crossed blades; dual wielder vs dual wielder in a blitz that sent sparks flying. It was impossible to tell who had the upper hand.

“Wow, wasn’t expecting that.” Nora said casually, like she didn’t just preemptively celebrate. “They’re really going for it!”

Summer couldn’t believe her eyes. Valerie was keeping up? She had actually gotten faster! “Nobody gets that fast in a few weeks. Did she…learn to actually buff herself?”

“Ding! Ding! Ding!” Nora folded her arms and nodded proudly. “My little girl is evolving! It’s not as potent as with others but during some sparring she was really trying to hype herself up to withstand something and well, voilà!”

“What could she have possibly been trying to withstand to have this kind of awakening!?” Winter looked at Nora, who immediately turned away nervously. “Nora?”

“I may or may not have…fired one too many grenades.”

Everyone went silent. That poor girl is what they all thought. Never a dull moment in the Valkyrie house.

It was an unexpected development, but Summer remained confident in her brother. “Nick still has this under control.” She tapped her leg to the rhythm of the strikes.

The two students were going blow for blow. Nick would block with one blade then try striking with the other, only for her to do the same. His eyes darted left and right, down at their feet and back up in an instant. He refused to miss a step. Valerie’s attacks were heavy. Each direct block made his arms ache but it wasn’t as bad as her dominating the pace. It also helped that Nick wasn’t facing the double ax. Step, strike, block, pivot, step, strike, block, pivot. It was simple, manageable for close quarters, which was exactly why it would crumble apart.

Valerie pivoted her right foot and stepped forward as her left hand aimed for Nick’s left arm. She watched his left side lean back to make room for his sword to block. Sure enough he did it, but he also sent a stinging pain along her ribs. “Ngh!” She grit her teeth. He grazed her, but how? Several blocks in and again she felt steel graze her cheek before another cut down her bicep. “Gah, damnit!”

“What’s wrong Val, tired?” Nick slammed his hilt against Valerie’s right wrist before jerking his arm upward to block the left ax while the gigas blade ran across her stomach like a bow on a violin.

Summer tapped her leg faster as Nick’s pace quickened rapidly before slowing, then increasing again. “When it’s all said and done, Nick is just faster.”

Valerie remembered the video of them fighting the Paladin. In comparison, Nick was definitely doing more dexterous movements back then. Especially towards the end. Then she hadn’t thought about it much, but Nick made it in time to take a hit for Summer during doubles.

“H…How fast is Nick?”

“He’s always been pretty quick. I’m still quicker and way more precise on average, but if Nick really wants to move, then he’s gonna force himself to move. Valerie got used to the pace, so he’s making it inconsistent by randomly going faster.”

“That can’t be good for his arms. The moments are so violent.”

“Oh yeah. He’s gonna hate himself later.” Summer laughed, “but he’ll hate himself more if he doesn't do everything he can to win.”

Ruby watched quietly with a warm smile on her face as Nick gave it everything he had. “That’s it, that’s the speed you need. If you don’t have the strength, leave your enemies in the dust.”

Nick went in for another hit but the strain on right shoulder made him waver. Val was able to block his attack. He hastily put a glyph under her that slid her away before she could punish his mistake. Both breathed heavily. Nick’s arms shook. All his strikes felt like scratching a brick wall. Valerie has always been strong but he never stopped being amazed by just how tanky she was. Still, all her muscles needed air. As long as he managed that then he’d be okay. Harriet didn’t hound him about joining track for nothing after all. He knew he had the stamina; as well as the aces up his sleeve.

Valerie was a little banged up but still rearing to go. She made her battle ax and fired a round at Nick before leaping at him and coming down with tremendous force that shook the floor, almost hitting Nick. A mighty horizontal swing kept him at bay then another round was fired. “Getting tired?”

“You wish!” He taunted. No way was he about to let anything she said mess him up. “Though you’ve seen better days.” A line cyan colored glyph divided the arena and hexagonal patterns made a massive wall, way too big for Valerie to go over.

“Hard light dust!?” She panted.

“Did you forget I’m rich?” Nick took a knee. Valerie’s words didn’t work, but that didn’t change the fact he’s been fighting all day. Of course he was winded!

Valerie wasn’t about to let this opportunity pass her by. She swung her ax with hands, chipping the wall.

“What the hell does Nora feed you?” Nick said, watching her hit again and cracking the wall. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His head rested on the helt and left hand lightly held the gigas blade. Another loud crash and he knew the wall was breached. He opened his eyes to see Valerie on her way alarmingly fast, but he did not move.

“Do or die time.” A golden glyph with gears spun underneath his body.

Both Winter and Weiss watched in baited breath and cross fingers as the gears spun faster and faster, enveloping Nick in the golden glow.

Valerie didn’t blink, yet somehow, Nick was no longer kneeling. He was a hair away, his swords cross slashing up her body. She barely let out a couch before being hounded with a barrage of slashes. His swords sliced, carved, and stabbed at her aura from top to bottom. Nick was silent, his body moving on instinct. Time dilation was always his sister’s thing. He must’ve poured too much aura into it, because he had never gone this fast. He nearly let his blades fly from his grip, but quickly spun them like windmills to regain some control by adjusting his grip. So what if Valerie could take his hits? That just meant he had to strike until she couldn’t! His right hand swung upward diagonally while his left cut across her stomach. He brought his right back down the same direction then spun around to whip his left blade around for another horizontal slash; finishing with a right thrust to the chest so forceful that Valerie got blown back. Overcome with the adrenaline, Nick lunged after her for a follow up.

Valerie was shaken up fiercely. Nick was doing things he never did on his own! The boy was descending quickly with his left sword ready to stab. She quickly fired her gun but Nick bounced off a glyph to the right then came zooming by with both blades slashing her body before she finally hit the floor rolling. Thankfully she rolled with her hands and knees ready to prop her up to track Nick. All she saw was a streak of gold and white coming at her. Valerie dropped her ax and put her hands up. Her teeth grinded against each other as she attempted to grab his sword. Her feet scraped the metal flooring as her body slid back until they finally stopped. Valerie cracked then shattered the gigas blade with her bare hands. A strained roar left her lungs as she slammed Nick against the ground hard before flinging him across the room as she fell. She wouldn’t lose to him. Valerie refused to lose to him.

Nick’s aura flickered as he hit the ground rolling. When he stopped, Nick slammed his fist against the floor, creating a detailed glyph under him. He raised his head to see Valerie holding her left arm and looking visibly concerned. That slam hurt, but it would’ve been far worse if he hadn’t battered her arms. Slashes, recoil, breaking his constructs, just how much could those muscles endure.

“Getting tired?” He taunted, the smugness coming through loud and clear. He didn’t need a semblance for his words to affect Valerie. The girl wasn’t looking at him like a friend right now, but a rival she very much wanted to crush.

Valerie rose to her feet, pissed off and in pain. The sounds of cheering didn’t even help. Not when she knew for certain what got them riled up. Though her blood boiled, her body shook nervously, disguised as adrenaline. White particles formed around Nick and in that moment, the fear of losing deepened; as well as the jealousy in her heart.

Family and audience alike were speechless. Even Summer found herself clenching her fist slowly and biting her lip. “Just when I think I’m catching up you move forward, just barely out of reach.”

Nick picked himself off the floor. “If this doesn't close the gap in strength now, then nothing will.” He stumbled forward a bit. The white particles manifested more and more until they became armor that dawned his body all the up to his neck. “White knight.” The gigas helmet formed over his face. He gripped his blade with both hands and stood ready.

What was a fluke at the examination was now summoned in earnest before Valerie’s eyes. Armored Nicholas took off running. He was about as fast as he was at the start of the fight. They both raised their weapons overhead and swung downward, clashing. Valerie’s arms immediately ached then gave way. This wasn’t good. He was much stronger than before, and with his actual sword, she was in trouble. Their hits were much heavier and though the pace was manageable again, Valerie was very much aware that circumstances were not in her favor.

Weiss could tell by everyone’s face that nobody was aware of this development. “How did he sneak this by us? I helped him with progress but he didn’t manage to make a complete summon.”

“I don’t think he’s thinking about it.” Veronica said. “I watched that exam video hundreds of times and asked Harriet about it. She said Nick looked like he was just in a zone. He may have summoned this, but I doubt he could tell you how he’s doing it.”

“If that’s the case then I doubt it’ll last for too long. Still, this is beyond shocking. Not to mention smart.”

“Smart?” Summer turned to her mother.

“For the most part, you actively have to control summons to get them to do what you want. It’s very much a conscious effort. Though some parts can become an afterthought.”

“So by wearing the armor, Nick can move it without thinking much, while also being protected.”

“Actually…” Winter chimed in. “I believe…he’s doing the opposite. Think about it. He’s been fighting vigorously for hours now. In this fight alone he’s pushed his body to physical limits. The pain and fatigue has to be setting in, so in other words, his mind must be far outpacing his body.”

Summer looked down to see the full swings and blocks he was performing. She couldn’t believe what her aunt was implying. “You’re joking. The armor is moving him!?”

Nick blocked a blow to the head then threw a left punch at Valerie’s face before slashing downward. The concentration was so dire that not even Port wanted to say anything. Harsh, winding swipes were made by both. Valerie sidestepped a vertical slash but failed to stop her ax from getting pinned. Without thinking, she headbutted with all her might into the helmet. It shattered to reveal the intensity Nick held within his eyes. He took an ax to his ribs just to trade the blow with an armored fist to the gut he twisted in. He needed clean hits and he needed them now! His fist glowed and out came the gigas blade violently. Valerie let out a guy wrenching grunt at the surprise attack. He pulled the blade back and slashed down with Mort Froide.

In a desperate attempt, her options running low, Valerie unloaded her dust ammo and slashed it midair. The crude handling of it caused an explosion of thick smoke that filled the area. All people could see were sparks of metal clash, hear the sounds of the battle, and then…silence. Amity Colosseum went so still that it was as if everyone held their breath. What could’ve only been a couple of seconds felt like an eternity, until…boom! The sound of a rumbling blow was heard by all. Nicholas came flying out; falling down to the second platform. The smoke cleared and Valerie barely stood, her body shaking with Mort Froide in hand and wide eyes filled in disbelief.

“And Nicholas Schnee is down! What a major upset!!” Port screamed, sweating from the match he just witnessed.

The arena erupted in cheers while Nick’s family said nothing. Blake and Yang were both at a complete loss for words. They thought he had it!Summer and Weiss both had their mouths covered why Winter and Whitley groaned, upset on Nick’s behalf. Ruby and Jaune clapped, always supporting both. However, Penny did not. Instead she frowned before leaving her seat. Veronica and Summer both instinctively moved down to the passageway. Nick probably didn’t want them there but both knew how badly he wanted to win. Nora cheered for her daughter, but Ren, he paused for a moment. For as much as he wanted his daughter to win, he couldn’t help but notice the flow of purple petals his semblance showed the swarmed Valerie with guilt.

Eliza went pale. He lost. Nicholas lost. Her eyes locked with Valerie. The girl was battered beyond belief, but as the winner she had a grace period. Eliza looked at the horizon. With the sun nearly set, there was no time to challenge first again, but second; she looked at Nick.

He slowly got to his knees, his mind still racing. Nick was in shock. He looked up and saw the conflicting feelings on Eliza’s face as she took a step, her hands on her spear.

Second place was an easy fight away. All she had to do was walk up the stairs. As she took another step, Eliza noticed something she wished she hadn’t. Try as Nick might, though he said nothing, it didn’t stop his eyes from watering just enough for Eliza to spot. Then she made the mistake of looking back at the other fighters who watched carefully. Eliza could guarantee second place, but as for third, in Nick’s condition, it would’ve been open season for all the people he held back.

“What are you waiting for!?” Jupiter yelled, a few platforms down.

Eliza felt her gut tense up. It’s not her fault the plan fell apart. She did everything she was supposed to. Nick was supposed to win! Why didn’t he win! He couldn’t hold it against her for taking this opportunity. He still won doubles. His parents would be proud. She wanted to make her father- that’s when she gasped. Eliza looked into the crowd where she last saw her father. There she found him, watching the entire thing. He didn’t look anxious, or unbothered. He was simply watching her, his eyebrow raised as if he knew she found him. Eliza looked at the sun one final time, then walked back down the stairs, dropping her spear as the sky grew dark and the final buzzer rang. The tournament had come to a close.

“That’s it folks! In the end, the Queen reigns supreme! Valerie Valkyrie!” Port announced. Though he was thrilled, he did not let good deeds fitting a huntsman go unnoticed. “Give a hand to everyone for participating. And let’s not forget the indomitable will shown by young Nicholas Schnee, or the exceptional honor of Eliza Marigold. Better luck next year to all. The award ceremony will begin in half an hour; followed by the closing performance.”

The platforms begin floating back down. Eliza saw a few pissed off participants, but she didn’t care. Second place was important, but not that important. A second bronze will have to do. She turned around. “Don’t get the wrong idea Ni-”

The boy suddenly took off running, jumping off the platform. Immediately after, Valerie ran after him.

“Wait!” She left both their weapons behind. Her body was screaming but she kept going, eventually catching up in the passageway. She tried grabbing his wrist. “Nick! Please wait, I-”

He smacked her hand away, tears running down his face as he seethed. Footsteps from Valerie and Summer made him turn his head and without a word, Nick took off running past them; not even giving them a glance.

They both saw the tears and redness of his cheeks. Veronica had never seen him so upset, and Summer could only think of a hospital long ago. Nick was always a good sport but this really hit him hard. More so than she expected. Summer couldn’t help but wonder if it was because she had already made today stressful for him. Veronica was about to run after him if not for Summer grabbing her hand but then immediately letting go as she remembered how the faunus hated being touched. Veronica looked at her.

“Umm maybe we should let him take a minute?” She said defensively.

“….Yeah.” Veronica sighed, rubbing her head. “Okay.” Honestly she wouldn’t know what to say even if she chased him. Veronica knew all too well the sting of coming up short. “Guess I should congratulate you.” She looked at Valerie.

Summer noticed how overwhelmed her best friend looked. To be fair, who wouldn’t be? “Hey, I know he’s upset but I’m sure he’ll bounce back so cheer up!” Her comforting words fell flat, as Valerie’s eyes watered. Summer rubbed the girl’s arm. “Val? C’mon, what’s wrong?”

“She cheated.” A voice echoed softly, making Valerie jolt.

All three turned around to see Penny standing in the passageway.

“Or I suppose…played dirty is more appropriate. My eyes, they saw through the smoke.”

Veronica’s ear’s fell. She looked back at Valerie with anger slowly bubbling at what she just heard. “What?”

Summer recognized the growing guilt on Valerie. Her hand slowly fell from Valerie’s arm and she stepped back in disbelief. “Wha…what did you do?” Her voice filled with hurt. “Valerie, what happened in the smoke!?”

“I…” her voice trembled, arms hugging herself as she choked up.

“I kissed him.”

[sisterspooky1013]

Only One Choice, Chapter 11

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

Spark.

She watches Ethan from the couch as he pulls a tin of muffins out of the oven, arranging a few on a plate. She’s been thinking a lot about what Mulder said about not having a spark with his ex. She wonders if she and Ethan have a spark, or if they did at one point. When she thinks about her relationship with Ethan, what stands out to her is commitment, dedication, stability. And love, of course, she does love him.

When they first met through mutual friends, she wasn’t particularly interested. He was perfectly nice, and good looking enough, but struck her more as a potential friend than a boyfriend. He was steadfast, kept showing up, kept gently working to get to know her, and eventually she started to grow fond of him. They’ve joked that while his attraction to her was immediate, hers to him was more of a slow burn. This is what mature, adult relationships are like, right? Measured, practical, logical. When you’re young, wild, and free, you date whoever you have the most fun with, chasing the next exciting experience and the rush of a first kiss. But the person you marry should be someone who you know will be a dependable partner, a good parent, and a lifelong support. That has always been her belief.

Ethan returns to sit with her on the couch, setting the muffins on the coffee table to cool. He picks up her feet and puts them in his lap, casting her a brief smile before he goes to work pressing his thumbs into her arches as he watches TV.

Spark.

Is that what she feels when she’s with Mulder? A spark? Is that why her stomach goes into knots when he looks at her? Why she feels the overwhelming urge to touch him? The sensation that there is an electrical current passing between them is not one she’s ever felt with Ethan, that’s for sure. There was no adrenaline in their first kiss, only contentment. Comfort, safety, security. These are good feelings, ones you can build a life on. Can you build a life on a spark?

“You still going to try on dresses tomorrow with Missy?” he asks, his eyes glued to the TV screen.

“Mhmm,” she answers over her book, which she hasn’t gotten through a page of in over thirty minutes.

“Are you gonna let me see what you pick?” he asks, glancing at her from the corner of his eye with a surreptitious smirk.

She sets the book on her stomach and gives him a chastising smile. “Of course not, Ethan. That’s against the rules.”

“Who made that rule, anyway? I’ve already seen you naked, I should be able to see you in a fancy dress before the big day,” he says with a pointed look.

She swats him with the book.

“The fact that you’ve already seen me naked is also against the rules, so I guess we’re 0 for 2. Don’t tell my mother that,” she lectures playfully.

“I’m sure she has her suspicions, given that we live together,” he says dryly.

“Leave the woman to her ignorant bliss,” she retorts, and they hold eye contact for a moment, exchanging affectionate smiles.

Not a spark, but maybe an ember. Burning steady, carrying them through the dark nights. Sparks die out quickly. She only hopes her spark with Mulder fades soon, because right now it’s burning so bright it’s distracting her from the ember sitting right at her feet.

———

She frowns at herself in the mirror.

“This one is really pretty, Sis, you don’t like it?” Missy asks, tugging at the train to straighten it out.

“I don’t know. Maybe. No.”

She looks forlornly at the rack of dresses she’s already tried on. Every length and cut, style of bodice and neckline. They all seemed wrong.

“I mean, I know you’re generally hard to please, Dana, but this is getting ridiculous,” Missy laments.

“I know, I’m sorry,” she replies, casting Missy an apologetic look.

“Which one do you think Ethan would like? Would that help you decide?” Missy offers helpfully.

Ethan. Right. She realizes that she’s been thinking about what Mulder would make of her in a white dress. She suspects he’d go for the mermaid fit.

“Can we just try again another day, maybe? I think I’m just not in the right headspace for this,” she pleads with her big sister.

“Sure, whatever you want. Let’s go get coffee or something,” Missy says as she ushers Dana back into the changing room.

They go to her favorite local spot, finding two open armchairs near the fireplace, which is off for the summer. Dana tucks her legs under her torso, sipping at an indulgent white chocolate mocha; she feels the need for small pleasures right now. Missy eyes her appraisingly, and she can feel the third degree that is about to commence.

“So what’s up with you?” she finally asks, her tone inquisitive but not abrasive.

“What do you mean?” Dana asks in reply, avoiding her eyes.

Missy’s head drops to the side in exasperation. “Are you really going to make me spell it out for you, Dana? I’m trying to be supportive of your decision to marry Ethan, but you’re making it really hard being so openly miserable all the time.”

Dana looks at her with surprise and indignation. “I am not miserable.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Missy says sarcastically.

Dana shakes her head. “I’m just...I don’t know, I have a lot on my mind.”

“Care to elaborate?” Missy asks with an expectant look.

She sighs and sets her shoulders. She needs to talk to someone about this, and Missy is literally her only option.

“Okay, but first I need you to promise me you’re not going to make a big deal about this, because it’s really not a big deal,” she prefaces with a stern look.

“You know me, I don’t do big deals,” Missy replies, working hard to hide her anticipation for whatever her little sister is about to reveal.

“Okay. So, I met this man at work,” she starts, and Missy’s eyes go as round as oranges. “Missy, don’t look at me like that.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Missy defends, “go on.” She’s leaning forward in her chair, creating less space between them.

“He’s an agent, he was just picking something up for a case he’s working on, but he asked me out, and we’ve kind of been...we’ve become friends,” she says hesitantly, glancing at Missy to gage her reaction. Missy is forcing a blank expression.

“So...you’re dating him?” she asks flatly.

“No! Oh god, no. I mean, he asked me out and I told him that I have a boyfriend, but now we’re just kind of friends, and….Jesus Christ.” She drops her forehead into her palm. Even describing what’s going on with Mulder is apparently impossible. “We are just friends, but...but I’m having a hard time reconciling how I feel about him.”

“How do you feel about him?” Missy asks.

Dana shakes her head. “I don’t know how to describe it, Missy. I love Ethan, I’m not having doubts about him, but this man...I feel so drawn to him. Being around him feels...almost electric.”

“Like you have a spark?” Missy asks, and Dana’s head snaps to look at her. She’s open, curious.

“Yeah...exactly like that,” she replies regretfully.

Missy nods in understanding, and it somehow makes Dana feel a little better, like she’s not totally crazy. “Tell me about him,” she requests, and Dana can’t help but smile.

“Um, he’s a criminal behavioral analyst, in the Behavioral Science Unit. Oxford educated. He’s funny, but in a dry, intellectual way. He has some pretty outlandish ideas, but he’s so passionate about what he believes in, it’s impossible not to take him seriously. He’s kind of intense, but really alluring.” She pauses, knowing she can’t go on much further without veering into gushing.

“Is he cute?” Missy asks, and Dana closes her eyes.

“SO good looking. Painfully so.” She opens them and Missy is smiling knowingly at her.

“Sounds like a real catch, Sis.”

“Yeah, but I’m engaged to someone who is also a great catch in his own right. I feel like I’m in a romcom.”

“So what are you gonna do?” Missy asks earnestly.

Dana looks at her with surprise. “What do you mean? I’m not going to do anything. It’s just distracting, but obviously nothing can or will come of it.”

Missy gives her a doubtful expression, but then raises her eyes to meet with someone over Dana’s shoulder, giving them a questioning look. Dana turns to see Mulder standing beside her, a cup in his hand and that damn boyish smile on his mouth.

“Hey, Scully, we meet again,” he says, glancing between her and Missy.

“Mulder, hi,” she stumbles, bringing her feet to the floor and squirming around as though he’d caught her in a compromised position. “Um, Mulder, this is my sister, Melissa. Missy, this is Fox Mulder.”

He steps forward and extends his hand to Missy, and she shakes it with a flirtatious smile. “Nice to meet you, Fox.”

“Oh, please call me Mulder,” he replies.

“Alright, Mulder, would you like to join us?” Missy asks, and Dana shoots her a look.

“Um, yeah, I can hang out for a minute,” he replies cautiously, pulling up a chair between the two of theirs.

“So, how do you and Dana know each other?” she asks, and Dana isn’t sure if she’s asking because she realizes who he is, or because she doesn’t.

“We work together, technically speaking. I’m a criminal behavioral analyst in the Behavioral Science Unit.” Missy gives Dana a look that tells her it was the latter. “What are you two up to today?” he asks, running his palm over a stubbled cheek. She can hear the scratch of the short hairs against his skin and it sets off a tingle at the back of her neck.

“We were just doing some wedding dress shopping,” Missy offers, watching his reaction closely.

“Ah,” he says, only moderately concealing his dissatisfaction, “sounds like a good time.” His tone is dry and not at all genuine. “So, Scully,” he says, directing his words to Dana, “Priscilla was wondering if you could stop by next weekend. She has something to show you.”

She smiles coyly. “Does she? Not a hairball, I hope?”

Mulder chuckles. “No, it’s a file, actually. Her personal favorite, she’d love to share it with you.”

“I think I might be free on Saturday,” she replies, “I just need to check, um…”

“Check with Ethan, right,” he finishes, his smile fading a bit.

“Right,” she confirms, her own smile quickly extinguishing.

Mulder stands. “I’ll email you, to confirm.” He turns to Missy, “It was nice to meet you, Melissa.”

Missy beams at him. “Likewise.”

Mulder turns to Scully and gives her a longing glance, then leaves. They watch him go, waiting until the door has closed behind him to speak.

Missy slaps Dana’s arm. “Oh. My. GOD, Sis!” she exclaims with wide eyes and an open mouth.

“What?” Dana returns.

“Spark? That is a goddamn bonfire. Even I could feel it,” she says with a look of wonder.

Dana gives her a pained expression then drops her head into her hands with a groan.

“Why does he call you Scully? And who the hell is Priscilla?” Missy adds.

Dana lifts her head, looking at her sister regretfully with a shrug.

“He said I don’t look like a Dana. Priscilla is his cat.”

Missy closes her eyes for a moment and gently shakes her head, her eyebrows furrowing like she’s trying to reconcile all this information in her brain.

“Whoa, so you’ve been to his place?” Missy asks incredulously.

Dana nods hesitantly.

“Sis, what are you doing? If you were to tell me that you’re going to break it off with Ethan and run away with that beautiful man I would honestly support you. But if you’re trying to keep things on the up and up here, a private rendezvous at his apartment seems like a really bad idea.” Missy is deeply confused, not used to being in the position to tell her sister what decisions are unwise. That is typically Dana’s role in their relationship.

Dana glares at her sister defensively. “We’re just friends, Missy. Men and women can be just friends.”

Missy shoots her a ‘do you think I was born yesterday?’ look.

“Sure they can, if they aren’t insanely attracted to each other. That man practically devoured you with his eyes, Dana. He wants to be more than your friend,” she says emphatically.

“Well, he’s not going to be. I’m with Ethan. And I’m an adult who can control myself enough to maintain boundaries with a platonic friend who happens to be an attractive man. I’m not a Neanderthal, Missy.” She’s using her professor voice, presenting the topic with supporting evidence. Only the facts, folks.

“Okay,” Missy says, acquiescing. “If you trust yourself then great, have fun with your friend. Does Ethan know you’re gallivanting around with a sexy behavioral analyst?”

The guilty look that overtakes Dana’s face is answer enough.

“Well,” Missy continues, “just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she brings levity back to the conversation with a little smirk.

“That leaves me with a lot of options, Missy,” Dana retorts, and Missy slaps her arm again.

[groovyzombiellama]

The Golden/Stylish Trio

Title: The Golden/Stylish Trio

Requested? Yes.

Plot: You are an actress and shoot a project with Alex and Bill and the two of them have a crush on you.

Word count: 1617

—***—

Ever since you were a child, you knew that you wanted to be an actress, and it didn’t matter how many people told you that you shouldn’t dream so high and that you were gonna fail, that just made you want to work more just to prove them wrong. You were constantly told that you wouldn’t have enough work, and that being an actress is stressful and difficult. Of course you knew that, in their own way every job is difficult, but you didn’t mind it because you knew that you would have difficult moments, but you were ready for whatever that world had to throw at you, because at least  that way, you would be doing something you love. You had the support of your immediate family, like your parents in the first place, and so you decided to take a chance and start your path towards making your dreams come true.

At first you had it quite difficult, not really being what the casting agent was looking for, both in terms of character and in your lack of experience. You had sleepless nights thinking about how you were supposed to gather experience when nobody wanted to give you a chance to gain any of it. And you expected this, so it wasn’t a surprise to you, and it just motivated you to do better and go to some classes and stuff, but that doesn’t mean getting rejected so many times didn’t hurt you. There were times where you would feel like the people who told you that you wouldn’t be able to make it were right and that you should just give up and go back home. Your family was alright with you coming back and going to college for something else, but just like your friends, they believed that you could do it and that every beginning is hard, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t succeed. And indeed, with patience, it started happening, you started getting cast.

Of course, you wouldn’t be able to get a lead role right off the bat, but you were getting work as eather a background character, or a very minor character that maybe had one or two lines. And even though it was something small and didn’t mean a lot of camera time, you were still extatic and extremly grateful and happy to even be getting any work at all. Your portfolio was growing, your list of work experience was becoming longer and longer, and a lot of casting agents saw your passion and dedication to acting, to the point where you even got cast as a supporting character in a movie, the so called “best friend trope”, and your lines consisted of pep talks and you were honestly just there to lift up the lead character. But it was the longest time you had spent in front of the camera so far and the most speaking lines you had gotten, so to say you were grateful and excited would be understatements.

You had no idea where all of this was gonna take you, but you were so proud of yourself for not giving up on your dreams. You even sent tickets for that movie to your cousins who didn’t believe you could make it and some of the people who bullied you and said you would never amount to nothing. It wasn’t to spite them, not too much anyway, because you never were a person to hold a grudge or feel good if others are feeling down. You just wanted to tell them that hard work will always pay off and that hard work can beat talent if talent doesn’t work hard. You were getting recognized and it was blowing your mind to be walking down the street and hear people talking about you as you pass them, guessing if you were the girl they had seen in that movie. And it made you smile every time. Eventually you ended up getting an e-mail that changed your life in a drastic way. A huge gig, bigger than any you have had before, with actors that you admired.

You had known Bill Skarsgård from his role as Roman Godfrey in Hemlock Groove, and as the iconic clown, Pennywise, in the most recent IT movies. And when your agent told you that he was gonna be one of your costars, you had to sit down, as your legs felt like they were gonna give out. He always seemed like a truly pleasant person to be around and an actor who really cares about the craft. And his good looks were just a bonus to a very amazing person. And that was the case for your other costar who once again gave you that feeling that you were gonna collapse if you keep standing. The Ivar the Boneless from Vikings, Victor from Outsiders, Alex Høgh Andersen. Alex always had the appeal as a literal ray of sunshine to you and it made your head feel dizzy to be working with them at all, and even when you met them, you couldn’t believe it was true.

Both Bill and Alex found you adorable as you tried not to fangirl around them, and be your cool self, or at least what you thought was cool. Bill had known about you as he had watched one of the movies you were in and he admired the way you put everything you had into your character, so he already knew some things about you, but even with that, you had managed to amaze him beyong belief. To Alex. meeting you was completely new territory, but he was enjoying every second of it, seeing the way every part of you contained the character you were supposed to potray. Even your eyes would show the emotion your character was supposed to be feeling that both men were dangerously close to apologising to you the moment they looked into your eyes as you were filming a scene where you were supposed to have a disagreement or fight.

Both Alex and Bill felt like they were learning a lot from you, as much as you were learning from them. And your vibrant personality, combined with that smile of yours were enough for them to develp crushes on you. It amazed them that neither one of them was able to say anything to you, that when it came to you, they would feel nervous or get tongue tied. When the two of them were talking and you came up, the shock on both of their faces, wide eyed expressions were almost comical as they realised the second they started talking about you that they had crushes on you. They didn’t want to make this a rivalry between them and try to win you over from one or the other. They were gonna leave the choice to you if you ever developped feelings for one of them and the other was gonna support you both. But that didn’t stop them from admiring you constantly and gushing about you in interviews and to each other.

As more time passed, the more the three of you started getting closer, so much so that they put up with the silly nicknames that you gave them and even though Billy and Lexie weren’t their favorite, and they honestly prefered some of your more creative nicknames, or standard “love” or “hun” that you loved calling people who were important to you, they cared about you enough to accept you just the way you were, which meant the world to you. Bill’s brother Gustaf was really glad that his costar from Vikings was friends with his brother, because the cast of the show had become like his second family in a way, and now you were a very dear friend to all of them.

Every interview that you did with these boys was a blast, you would always have fun and if they even sensed that you were feeling uncomfortable with a question or something, the both of them would create a diversion, as you woke up in them the feeling to be protective over you, but not too much that you feel suffocated, but just enough for people to know that you were not someone to mess with, both because of you being a strong and independent woman, and also because you had the two of them who had your back as much you had theirs. You three were truly a great trio, and your friendship was one that you were sure was for the books and that it was gonna last.

Regardless of the fact that their crushes were growing by the day and often times they had to stop themselves from spending entire interviews talking about you, they never forced you into anything, or tried to convince you that one of them was better for you than the other. And their biggest pet peeve was when you didn’t believe in yourself and always claimed that “people were just too kind to you” whenever someone complimented you, because they just wanted you to know that to them you were absolutely amazing and to so many people who were fans of you. But they appreciated that you were kinda using that to keep your humble nature, worried that if you started giving yourself that much credit, you would become vain and too self absorbed. They were thankful that they met you and hoped your friendship lasted a long time, even if nothing more developped from it. You were the Golden Trio, named by the entertainement industry, or the Stylish Trio as fans started calling you after Alex’s post, and you were happy with it.

---***---

SURPRISE @walkxthexmoon !! You wanted either one of aus that I do, but you were always sweet to me and kind, that you get all of it, written, gif and social media au :D <3 I truly hope you like it :)

I appreciate all of you guys and thank you all for your follows, likes, reblogs, I’ll never be able to thank you all enough. Every time I get an e-mail telling me someone followed me, it makes my entire week better and keeps me motivated! So thank you to all of you, I love you all so much, and if people are nice to me I do my damnest to be 10x nicer, because you deserve it back, so this fic took a lot longer to make than I thought, and hopefully it’s a good one and you guys like it, and just once again, I appreaciate all of you <3

[enchantmentable]

quackity is completely, fully, and entirely wrong about what he said in regards to foolish.

foolish’s builds are more than just builds. the fact that people don’t visit them often and the fact that they aren’t very lived in should in no way devalue them because not only do they serve a practical purpose, they’re also art, and art should never be valued solely on practical use. foolish’s builds are valuable because of the time, effort, and resources he put into them. they’re labors of love, not merely buildings. 

it makes sense, though, that quackity would think the opposite. he very much believes that all things should have a purpose, and he’s been quick to cut away things that no longer serve theirs. him not seeing the value in foolish’s builds lines up with that, but that doesn’t mean he’s right.

the more interesting point, then, is why foolish doesn’t pick up on that. foolish doesn’t say what i said: that his builds are art and he can create art just for the sake of creating it. art doesn’t have to have a deeper meaning or a purpose, sometimes it can just... exist and look pretty. because that’s what he’s been doing for the most part, hasn’t he? he’s building his summer home for himself, but a summer home doesn’t need to be this big. it’s this big because it looks nice and because he enjoys building, not for any deeper reason—it’s not because he expects hundreds people to live there with him, he’s doing it for himself. but foolish doesn’t say that. does that mean, then, that on some level he agrees with quackity? does he agree that what he’s been doing is pointless (it isn’t, of course, because all creation has a point even if that point is just creation for creation’s sake)? does that mean that he’s not truly the peaceful, passive demigod he tries to be? and if that’s true, does it mean he still craves power and control deep down, just like he said he did before he’d started building?

(it’s interesting too, very interesting, that quackity’s words to foolish echo the egg’s words to foolish from a month ago. even more interesting is that with the egg, foolish was vehemently against going back to his old ways. he claimed, over and over, that he wasn’t weak, that there was strength in building and creating. with quackity though? little by little, he’s being swayed. he’s considering going back, and he’s being convinced that power might just be the answer.)

it’s going to take time to get foolish back to the person he once was, naturally, and he does seem to be fighting it too, especially when quackity starts talking about power. 

“power. power, damn you, quackity! what makes you think you’re any better, huh? how has that worked out for anyone else that’s been here, huh? [...] what makes you any better, different than them?”

quackity doesn’t directly answer, so you’d think foolish would realize that what he’s continued to believe is true: power is not the right choice. but quackity then continues to call foolish weak for choosing peace and building over power and fighting and by the end of foolish’s stream, it seems to be almost working. foolish claims he wants to find a balance between what quackity wants him to be/who he used to be and who he is now. that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but based on what he’s said before, you’d think that foolish, who’s said time and time again that power doesn’t work but that peace does would be far more likely to stand firm against quackity’s beliefs. the fact that he doesn’t is in part a testament to how good quackity is at what he does, but it also has the sort of hopeless underlying message that no matter how hard you try, you can’t ever truly change. so, i’m rooting for foolish. i hope he realizes that quackity is so incredibly wrong and that the changed person he’s become is just as strong, if not stronger, than the person he was before.