#a fun fact about my life is: i dropped that post at like 1:45 am and in the tags i was like ‘ok ok i’m going to bed now’

[scholarhect]

oh btw technically today it’s 3 months since i read doctor sex. and like yes, nona rewired my brain, but the day i read dr sex, something did happen to me. so happy 3 months to this version of my life

[andreafmn]

I’m Not Afraid - Chapter 2

Word Count: 4,585

Characters: Female Reader Argent Character, Original Male Argent Character, Derek Hale, Allison Argent, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Isaac Lahey, Lydia Martin, Chris Argent, Jackson Whittemore

Story Description: (Y/N) Argent arrived at Beacon Hills to put to rest her father’s sister, Kate Argent. For the first time, her family has decided to settle down and sustain a life in this interesting small town. After 17 years, (Y/N) has the opportunity to establish interpersonal relationships but will she be ready to face the complications that come with relating to her cousin’s, Allison, friends; especially, the infamous Derek Hale. She will face the adventure of being associated with the Derek and McCall pack as well as being faced with the discovery of certain aspects of her life she never imagined.

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Teen Wolf, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and MTV Network. The only thing I own is Argent Reader insert, her immediate family, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ storyline.

Chapter: 2/?

A/N:  SOFT DEREK, SOFT DEREK!!!!! If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

<- Previous | Next ->

Chapter 2

5:00 am my phone read. 

It was usual for my brain to be awake at this hour. Since before I can remember it was part of the schedule I followed, everywhere I went. It was a small thing, but the sense of normalcy was a comforting friend. It made sense to follow a routine I could have anywhere. I was out of bed and into workout clothes, ready for a quick jog around the woods. 

I started off with a slow and comfortable trot before speeding up once I reached the tree-filled terrain. The smell of wet soil, the sound of birds chirping and leaves rustling, the crunching of leaves under my feet was oddly comforting. There was a strange pull that came from the heart of Beacon Hills. I had lived in many places in my short lifetime but this place was different, the atmosphere was different, the people were different. One of those people was Derek Hale, the mysterious, broody, sarcastic man that had bumped his way in. 

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"Why are you stopping?" He asked, a small chuckle escaping his mouth. 

"How did you get here? Where the hell did you come from?"

"You're not the only person who jogs in this town and this happens to be the trail I take. You know, you should work out on a trail that is closer to your house. Makes it easier to actually go back."

I looked around. Once again, I had trailed off and didn't know where I was. "Lucky for you, I have a great memory. We can finish off running and I'll instruct you back to your house."

"You know you sound like a stalker." We started to jog once again.

"How so?" 

"Well, you've only been there like two or three times and you already know the way back. Creepy!"

"Oh, come on, it means that I have a very sharp memory. Unlike you who can't seem to remember what house you live in."

"Touché."

The con and occasionally laughing at something. It felt good talking to him, almost natural. There was a supernatural attraction that I felt when I was near him, an unusual need for his closeness. Our relationship came easy, as the cliché would have it, it felt like I had known him all my life. 

We ran for about an hour and a half before we turned back. "I think it's time we went back. You have school in an hour."

"Whoa, take the stalking down a notch."

"Oh, come on, I went to that school before you, I think I know the schedule."

"Alright, grandpa. Let's head back. It's time for your breakfast smoothie and then some bingo."

"Very funny." He ruffled my hair whilst fake laughing.

"I try." We ran and ran until I came into view of the curb that led to the house. "Well, this is my exit. Would it be too much to ask for you to take me to school?"

"Not a problem. Meet you back here at 7:45?"

"That would be perfect." He kissed my cheek and left to run to where I believe was his house. My face turned red, and I ducked inside.

"Mom? Dad?" I entered the kitchen and noticed a note over a covered plate. "Left for work early. Eat your food and go to school." I read out loud.

I took my time getting ready for school. My bag was already packed, as was my lunch. A long shower and a slow breakfast were in store as I awaited Derek's black Camaro to roll into my driveway. 

"Thanks so much for the lift. I packed you some breakfast." 

"No problem and thank you." He smiled. "You know, maybe after school, I can finally give you a tour around town. So you can familiarize yourself."

"That would be wonderful." I checked my schedule. "Actually, you can pick me up an hour before school ends. I have study hall at that hour, and no one would care if I left."

"I think I can make that arrangement." He looked at me showing a perfect set of white teeth and a smile that would make anyone melt. "But wouldn't your parents know that you left school? I mean, you won't be there when they go pick you up."

"I'll just tell them Allison gave me a ride or walked home," I said thinking of more excuses I could tell my parents. Distracted by my thoughts, my hand started reaching out to the powered-off radio and I didn't notice that so did Derek's. A sharp current went up my arm as our hands make contact. We both quickly pulled away and I could feel the blood rushing to my face turning it a deep shade of red.

"Sorry, I shouldn't impose. It's your car." I spoke up, quick to start picking at the skin around my fingernails to busy my hands. Derek perceived the nervous nature of my actions and stopped my fussing by putting one of his hands over mine. 

"Don't worry it's fine. Just put the radio on whatever station you like." He smiled reassuringly and I reached to the radio and just turned it on, leaving it in the last station it had been on.

"Ugh, I absolutely dread going to school. Most of it I'm gonna forget either way."

"I'd tell you to ditch but that would be shame on me, so I won't. But think about it, this day you'll only get 7 hours of school and then you can hang out with me. Best present ever."

"Yeah, don't think so highly of yourself. Maybe I'll just wander around town until I find my way home."

"Very funny." He stopped at the drop-off zone. "This is your stop."

"Thanks again for the ride, awfully kind actions from such a sour wolf" I laughed at his scowl. "I'll see you in the afternoon."

"Looking forward to it." I exited the car and he waited till I was on the sidewalk to speed off.

"Was that Derek Hale that just dropped you off?" I turned around and was met face-to-face with Scott.

"Yeah. What's the problem?" Not that it will matter.

"You shouldn't trust him, he's bad news."

"Honestly, Scott, I understand your good intentions, but I'll sort out the wrong kind on my own terms." He looked taken aback at my response, probably thinking I would not talk back.

"I'm sorry if I offended you, but he is not a person that anyone should be with." With that, he left with worry evident on his face.

I understood that he was looking out for my "well-being”, but he didn't know me and I'm pretty sure he didn't know Derek either. Maybe that's what Derek meant when I met him. Everyone thinks he is a bad person, but he hasn't done anything wrong in my eyes.

I walked over to my locker and started exchanging my books. Closely next to me I could hear Scott talking to Allison about me and Derek, and my name should be out of his mouth. Once I finished with my locker, I slammed the door and they both stopped talking, noting my close presence. I walked past them feeling their worried stares burning my back. This was going to be a hell of a year. The only thing that could get me through it was the acquaintance relationship I have with Isaac. I did text him a bit last night but mostly helping him with homework. Lord knows he needs all the help he can get.  

We all stood around in gym class as Stiles and Erica climbed the rock wall. Everyone else had gone including Scott who mastered a great fall. Stiles appeared to have fun, but Erica would let out sounds of discomfort and shortness of breath as she climbed. At a point, she stopped. 

"Erica, are you dizzy?" Coach said. "Is it vertigo?" 

"Vertigo is the dysfunction of the vesicular system of the inner ear" Lydia stated in a mocking tone. "She's just freaking out." 

"Erica!" Coach screamed.

"coach, maybe it’s not safe. you know she's epileptic." Allison stated. How does no one care? 

"Wh-why does no one tell me this?!" Coach Finstock questioned annoyed. "Erica, just fall back, there's a mat that will catch you." 

She slowly let go of the wall and made her descent. No one seemed to care that the poor girl was shaken to the core; they all laughed.

When class was over everyone headed to their respective locker rooms to change. Something inside me kept pulling me back to the gym, so I walked back as I put on my shirt. As I opened the doors, I saw Erica fall from the wall and luckily into Scott's arms. He slowly put her on the floor as the class ran in behind us. 

"Put her on her side," I stated. 

"How did you know?" Allison whispered to Scott.

"I just felt it." He whispered back. 

After Erica had calmed, the coach called an ambulance to take her to be checked at the hospital and the day went by normally. I was currently in my "last" period. Tapping my nails in a rhythmic pattern waiting for the stupid bell to ring. Only 5 more minutes and I would be out of here. This was the first time I had done something like this. I always stick by the rules and make sure to follow all of them. My heart was racing, and my palms were sweating. In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Cue the bell. I grabbed all my things and stuffed them in my bag. I used to my advantage the fact that everyone was piled in the hallway and headed outside. Waiting for me was Derek in his black Camaro. Suddenly my heart steadied its pace and I felt relaxed.

"Hey there, rebel." He smirked at me as I entered the car and buckled my seatbelt.

"Don't make small talk. Just go." I said whilst trying to hide by burrowing in the seat. If I could I would have jumped into the trunk to avoid any hidden stares from authority figures.

"Don't tell me you've never done this before." I shook my head no and felt my face growing warmer by the second. "Aw, you're so innocent. For a big mouth that is." I slapped his arm as hard as I could.

"Don't be rude." I crossed my arms, slouched down, and pouted. He looked over at me and laughed. That made me slouch farther down.

"Oh, come on. Don't get mad." He ruffled my hair and laughed once again when I swatted his hand away. "Yeesh, feisty."

"So, where's our first pit stop?" I asked whilst looking out the window not wanting to look at his face.

"A small diner I know. Wouldn't want you to starve." He smirked. "Might make you angrier."

"I am not angry, just annoyed."

"Got some feelings hurt?" He said laughing.

"Derek, don't be rude. You will regret it."

"Oh, what could you do?"

"Is that a challenge?" He didn't answer, just laughed. I rolled down the window and stuck my head out. "HELP!! This man is kidnapping me!! HELP!! Bloody he...!" 

My sentence was cut short by Derek's hand pulling me down by my jacket and onto the seat again.

"Why did you do that?" I asked innocently. I had caused the faces of a few people on the street to look at the car in horror.

"You know why! That was totally uncalled for."

"I told you that being rude was something you would regret. I'm not one to say this a lot but, I told you so." 

He tried his best to keep a tight scowl on his face but in a matter of seconds, we were laughing at my past actions.

"Whatever, we're here." He turned off the car and went to the passenger side to open the door for me. 

"Why thank you," I said and took his extended hand to pull my weight up. 

"No problem." I smiled at his goofy courtesy but as we walked inside the establishment I could feel my heart beating faster by the second. "Table for two." Derek pointed at a booth made for two people exactly. Once we had sat down a lady maybe in her late thirties approached us to take our order.

"What do you want to order today, darlings?" She gave us a warm smile as she waited for our response.

"I'll have the bacon cheeseburger with some onion rings, a stack of pancakes, and some chicken fillets, a Diet Coke, and afterward some pie, please."

"Would you like the kitchen sink with that?" I said in shock. "I think I'll just get the, ummmm, bacon cheeseburger also with some onion rings and an iced tea. Maybe add some pie afterward too."

The lady laughed a bit, nodded, and smiled at us as she turned to the kitchen to put out our order. 

"So, someone's a bit hungry. Huh, sour wolf?" I chuckled.

"Why do you call me that?" He said somewhat annoyed.

"I don't know. It just fits you."

"How?"

"Cause you're very sour and you kind of look like a wolf. Hairy face and crazy hair. I don't know how to explain it. It's just a nickname, though. If it makes you mad I can just call you something else."

"I'm not mad. Just wondering." He slouched on the seat looking less tense. "How is it that I'm usually so bad with meeting people yet with you, I just clicked?"

"I don't know. I'm just special that way."

"Very funny."

"I know! I could take up a career in comedy." He chuckled as he threw a sugar packet at me. "So, since we are getting to know each other we should know basic things about one another. Let me start. What's your favorite color?"

"Maybe black or blue. What about you?"

"Totally red and black." The waitress came with our drinks. I took a sip of my iced tea and continued with the questions. "Favorite place to be?"

"That house in the woods where we met." I gave him a weird look.

"Why there? It barely stands with a foundation. What could possibly be there?"

"It's the house I used to live in before it burnt down. My family was in there." I choked on my drink when he said this.

"Oh my gosh, Derek. I'm so sorry I brought it up. We can drop the topic."

"Don't worry about it. It happened such a long time ago it's sometimes relieving talking about it." After there was an awkward silence, so Derek cleared his throat and asked a question. "Um, and what's your favorite place to be?"

"I'm not sure. Usually, I like places more because of the people I'm with. But if I had to choose probably the woods, it's the calmest place I know. The only place where you can actually be free."

"Wow, Ms. Argent. So poetic. It touched me." He pointed at his heart. "Right here."

"Very funny, now, favorite sport?" And the game went on even when our food served. Whilst eating we kept asking each other questions and getting to know each other profoundly. This has been the first time I had ever opened up to someone. It felt strange. Letting someone know small details about yourself. Making yourself vulnerable to them. Showing them how they could break you. But this was different. I felt like I was just becoming closer to him.

"We should do that someday. I mean the thought of just leaving for a whole day, not knowing where you are going, just finding an adventure."

"Definitely. You decide when the first time." I smiled at him.

"That's a deal." He looked down at his watch. "I think it's time I take you home. Don't want your parents to worry."

"Alright. Let's go." I grabbed my bag and was about to pay my part of the check, but he wouldn't let me. He grabbed the money I left and paid completely. "I don't understand the need of being such a gentleman if this wasn't a date. Just two people hanging out."

"So, this wasn't a date?"

"You thought it was?" I thought about it. "What do you classify a date per se?"

"An outing in which two people go out and get to know each other a little bit more." What he said made sense. It had never dawned on me that this could have been anything other than just a casual outing, but not being too well versed in normal social encounters, let alone dating encounters. 

"Alright, you win. I have officially gone on my first date."

"No way. This could not have been your first date." When he saw the serious look on my face, he stopped chuckling. "I'm so sorry you had to have given you such a crappy first date. I promise I'll make up for it one day."

"Deal." We even shook on it. "Now let's get going before my parents know I'm late."

During the drive back, he pointed out different key places I should know when going around Beacon Hills as well as easier routes to these places. Although I was heavily grateful for all the useful tips, my brain could hardly remember the first route he showed me. 

When we got to my house, I noticed that my father's car was not in there. I guess they haven't arrived yet. I said goodbye to Derek and entered the house, thanking him for a lovely afternoon. I changed into workout attire and, deciding to stay home, went to the basement and started working out. After half an hour of running and half an hour of physical training, I decided it was enough and went to take a shower. I noticed that my parents weren't home yet.

"I wonder what's holding them back?" After my shower, I continued my current read of Pride and Prejudice. But something was bothering me, a thought that wouldn't leave my head.

I'm leaving once the year is over. Getting close to Derek will fuck me up once I leave. I've never had to say goodbye to anyone. I can't start now. I'll need to start avoiding him. Don't know how, but I must try.

I went downstairs to get a glass of water when I heard a knock on the door. It was Uncle Chris.

"Hey, Uncle Chris. What are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for your father. Is he here?"

"No, I haven't seen him. I got here and neither mom nor dad was here. Is something wrong?"

"No. Just couldn't reach his cell. I'm sure he's fine. Have a good night, sweetheart." He kissed my forehead and left. I started to worry. What if something had happened?

So, I decided to call him. Fortunately, he picked up.

"Dad, where are you?"

"Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you. Your mom and I will be out for the rest of the week. We left some money on the first drawer of the right side of the kitchen island and if you want you can stay with your uncle."

"But Uncle Chris came by and he didn't know where you were. Does he know you left?"

"Oh, I forgot to call him. I'll do that right now. Goodnight, munchkin, go to sleep."

"Goodnight, dad. Love you."

"Love you too." I hung up the phone and went upstairs completely forgetting about the glass of water I went to drink.

My phone buzzed and I looked at the caller ID signaling that Isaac was calling.

"Hey, Isaac."

"Hey, (Y/N). Um, do you think you can pick me up?" Isaac said in between short pants.

"Sure, where are you?" I asked. He told me where he was, and I took the keys to my mother's car to look for Isaac. He looked scared and frantic when I neared the spot, he told me about. His physique also looked different. Usually, he would walk cowering but now he stood tall and seemed a bit more buff. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just, um, do you think I could stay with you tonight?"

"I guess." I started driving to my house. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, totally. Just tired." I took the hint. He didn't want to talk, and I wasn't going to press on.

At my house, I arranged the guest room and got him spare clothes to change into. He thanked me and left for the bathroom. Something was wrong. But what?

***

Three days had passed.

Three days that I had stayed in my house for my daily workout.

Three days that my phone had been buzzing with messages from Derek asking where I was.

Because three nights before I had decided to avoid Derek at all costs.

The only way to leave it all behind is if you don't associate yourself with anyone. That way you won't feel any remorse or pain once you disappear. One time when I left was when I was approximately six or seven years old, and I had to say goodbye to Allison since we were sharing a room at that time. The second time was when I had to leave Josie. After that, I started familiarizing myself with the feeling of loneliness.  It wasn't that bad once you remembered the fact that you would always see your parents when you got home, and everything would be better. Although, these days I had housed Isaac in my house, rare was the occasion that we interacted other than doing homework. Isaac would come home late in the night and quickly went to sleep. But, he stayed in my spare room for two nights and told me he had found a place to stay. He left thanking me for my hospitality.

When I finished my workout, I ran upstairs and took a shower. I changed from my stinky workout clothes to a plain white shirt and black jeans, obviously paired with my leather jacket. Once dressed I went downstairs and grabbed some cash to buy myself a muffin and a big coffee. Finally, I found the keys to my beautiful matte black Harley Fat Bob. My father had gotten me this motorcycle about two years back when he noticed I just kept crashing cars. The only thing I never crashed was his motorcycle and because he was worried I would, he bought me my own. I tend to wreck a lot of stuff. It's not intentional, I'm just clumsy at times.

I opened the door to the garage and noticed it sitting in a corner covered by a blanket. Once I took it off, I smiled. I passed my hand over the beautiful color, the smooth surface, the cold metal. It all felt familiar. A part of me. I grabbed my helmet and got on it. Once I sat my body felt relaxed, at ease. A spark of adrenaline was shot through my body when the engine came to life.

I backed up from the garage and went to the local café store. While waiting to pick up my order I noticed Derek walking in with his jogging clothes on. He still hasn't noticed me, too busy looking at the menu. When my name was called, he looked at me and called my name, but I ran out of the café with my order ignoring him.

When I got to the school everyone was staring at me. The new chick was now badass. I walked in with my backpack slung over my shoulder easing towards my locker.

"Hey there, gorgeous." I closed the locker door to see Jackson standing next to me. I rolled my eyes.

"Hi, Jackson. What do you want?"

"I was just wondering when you were free."

"Oh, well from tomorrow to never gonna happen. Get down from the cloud, buddy."

"Oh, come on, we both know you want some of this." He motioned over his body.

"Get over yourself." I scoffed.

"Babe, it doesn't hurt to try."

"I believe she's not interested, Jackson." A strawberry blonde girl appeared. Her confidence struck me like lightning, a very apparent aura of dominance radiating from within her.

"Why don't you mind your own business, Lydia. I'm talking to her, not you. You've already ruined everything else."

"Well, I think she has no business with you so why don't you scram?" With a huff and a puff, Jackson finally gave in and I turned to greet my hero, who was surprisingly accompanied by Allison.

"Thank you, so much. He wouldn't take no for an answer."

"No problem. I'm Lydia, but you knew that."

"(Y/N). Argent." She motioned between Allison and me. "Cousins."

"Pleasure." Then the bell rang. "Guess I have a new best friend, (Y/N)." You guessed wrong.

I entered Mr. Harris' classroom and sat down next to Isaac and as usual Mr. Chatty Pants tried to hold a conversation from the table behind us. Seriously, how much can someone talk? I took out my notebook and started writing down everything the teacher was saying is the homework on the board. Stiles had finally gotten the hint and didn't talk to me the whole class. That was a relief. Maybe it was due to the fact he was too focused on the strawberry blonde who had saved my ass from Jackson.

The day went on quite smoothly except at lunch. It wasn't the same Erica that had fallen from the rock-climbing wall. She completely changed; a more confident walk, she was wearing makeup and tight-fitted clothing, and her hair was perfectly styled. She left the lunchroom after taking a bite off an apple seductively and Scott and Stiles followed, as did I. Curiosity had taken the best of me as to this overnight transformation.

She opened the front doors to the school and there he was. Derek Hale in his black Camaro with the biggest smirk on his face staring at Scott. When he directed his sight to me his smirk kind of fell but was brought up quickly. During that Erica had gotten inside the car and they left, together. I don't know why I was jealous because he meant nothing to me, but it broke my heart. I got nervous. I think Scott noticed because he looked at me worried.

"Are you okay, (Y/N)?" I nodded rapidly and out of breath. I had no idea what was happening.

"I think you're having a panic attack." Stiles pointed out handing me an inhaler.

"I used to have panic attacks, too." I inhaled a pump and my breathing seemed to normalize. "You okay now?"

"Yeah. Thanks." I handed him the inhaler.

"No, keep it. I don't need it anymore." I said a low thanks and walked back to school to head to my next class.

I felt extremely weird the rest of the day. Why did I feel that way when I saw Erica and Derek together? It wasn't like anything was going on between us. Also, he's far too old for me. Or maybe I'm too young. I don't know. But I couldn't shake off that sour taste of jealousy that the image of them left.

I knew I wanted to stay as far away as I could from hin but at this moment there was nothing more that I wanted than to be close to him.

Tag: @lokisgoddesofpower

<- Previous

A/N: Please check out my last post about the fandoms I’ll be writing for. 

[batmansymbol]

fellow ADHD/chronic sleep issue friends: try SleepTown

Hey everybody! Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to spread the good word of this app, which has actually, legitimately changed my life. (this post isn’t sponsored lmao i wish)

I’ve had sleep problems for half my life. Around 8th grade, I lost the ability to make myself shut down for the night. I’d sit in front of devices, wanting to stop working or studying or messing around on the internet, but I couldn’t make myself. This was about ten years before I learned what “executive dysfunction” was, and about 13 years before I got diagnosed with ADHD, go figure.

So, when I was a student, I’d pass out at 4 AM, then wake up every morning feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. It was a running joke in college how I would sleep in public places, trying to snatch 15-minute naps here and there because of exhaustion.

After college, it got worse. I’m self-employed, so I stopped waking up in the morning at all. I worked until later and later times, until 3, 5, 7 AM. I woke up at 2 PM, then 4, then 6. Eventually, fully nocturnal and trying to reset my inner clock, I’d pull all-nighters and try to stay awake through the following days. Then I’d pass out for 14 hours, after being awake for 30 hours straight. Rinse, repeat, for years.

Due to sleep issues, I have: nearly driven off the road in high school, dropped classes in college, fallen into depressive episodes, developed a Vitamin D deficiency, gone days without eating, and lost friendships due to self-isolation. It’s been a blast!

I tried so many things to fix the constant grogginess, fatigue, and messed-up schedule. I tried a sleep study at the hospital, repeated blood tests to check for hypothyroid or anemia etc., melatonin, Zzzquil/other sleeping pills, the “multiple non-phone alarm clocks” strategy, a light-emitting alarm clock, and about six different apps, including that one that makes you solve math problems to shut the alarm off.

There’s one called Sleep Cycle that’s pretty good at what it does - it helped me feel less groggy when I woke up - but within a few days of starting it, I was back on my bullshit.

Then, about a month and a half ago, I downloaded an app called SleepTown. It costs two dollars. The concept: you set a goal for your nightly sleep parameters (mine is 12:15 PM to 8:45 AM). Before you go to bed, you hit the Sleep button.

After you hit Sleep, a construction site pops up and begins to build a cute cartoon building like the one above! If you leave the app after pressing Sleep, or if you don’t press Sleep before your bedtime, then the building is destroyed, leaving a sad-looking demolition project :(

So, you have to leave your phone alone. The next morning, the alarm goes off as scheduled. When you press “Wake Up,” and shake the phone for a minute to prove you are awake, the cute cartoon building will be completed and added to your Sleep Town! This is mine so far:

The app has various game-like features. You don’t know which building you’re going to get every night, so when you wake up, it’s like unwrapping a present. There are dozens of cute buildings to unlock, and achievement badges like building every kind of tent. Every seven days you meet your goal, you get a red ticket to help unlock a rare building (like the red-roofed library in the picture above).

There’s also a simple social feature. The pyramid in the pic is from me being in a Sleep Circle with a friend, meaning we have the same bedtime goals. This would be especially good for a couple who’s trying to get more regular sleep.

Despite the gamelike feel, though, it’s not an addictive app. It’s not designed to keep you fiddling around with it all the time and waste more time on your phone. It’s just gamelike enough to create a really good carrot/stick balance. Most sleep-related apps are only the stick, featuring louder or more relentless alarms - but that doesn’t make you excited to go to sleep on time.

This app makes sleeping feel like a fun, purposeful activity. I want to see which building I get, and it makes me really happy to see this town that I’ve been constructing through taking care of myself. And I don’t want to “let down” a building by destroying it.

It’s borderline ridiculous how dramatically my entire life has changed. Excepting a couple times I’ve stayed up for a social situation, I haven’t been awake past 1 a.m. for six weeks. I cannot believe how good I feel. I eat regularly. I have a meal plan and a calendar. I have hobbies and a work-life balance and I stick to (virtual, covid-responsible) hangouts that I make with friends.

It’s not totally failsafe. You CAN lie to the app and press “Sleep” while continuing to do things (except your phone, which will be locked down). I tried to do this a couple times. But I wound up feeling guilty about lying, because it felt stupid to want this little reward when I hadn’t actually met my goals.

In the same way, you CAN technically hit “Wake Up” and go back to sleep, but the shake-awake feature helps with that. I’d like it if they added something even more aggressive, like a step counter or something that won’t count you as Woken Up until you’ve taken 20 steps around your house or similar.

As it is, though -- I'm still groggy when I wake up at 8:45, but 1) keeping a regular schedule has lessened the grogginess and 2) when I wake up, I know for a fact I’ve gotten 7-8 hours of sleep the night before and I’ll feel fine in half an hour. So, in order to push past the groggy phase, I usually play a few chess puzzles on my phone or do a crossword, and by then I’m awake enough to get up.

I doubt this app will work for everyone, but I wanted to share it in case there is anyone else out there like me. Hope y’all are hanging in there, and happy sleeping :)

[lilypixels]

...............all of them.....?

It took me an hr to do this....🥲💀

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Teacupsss

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Uhhh cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Probably quiet and smart lol I did my school work and was friendly with everyone so I was a favorite and heard all the nice things 🙈

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I kinda like bottles more but like the glass ones with the caps that could slice your fingers-

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

I’m for all but sports lol

7. earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

Shows cause I’m the type to watch an hr long episode vs hr long movie idk why but I’m rarely in mood for them

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Drop the beat (ie songs that are upbeat and I like most)

13. lanyard or key ring?

Hmm...I guess lanyard?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Skittles or twizzlers

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

I had lots I had to read in school but only ever finished a handful lol my favorite I think was maybe Macbeth? I would say Odyssey but I don’t think we read the full thing cause I remember being disappointed about something like that...

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Sitting with my legs bent up in seat with me in some way

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

Converse and some nice but cheap sneakers from Walmart

18. ideal weather?

Not too hot, not too cold, mild like before/after a rain (most the time), idc if it’s raining or sunny but as long as temp is comfortable I’m fine

19. sleeping position?

On my side most often

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Phone and notebook

21. obsession from childhood?

Oh gosh uhhh I guess my like of dolls maybe? Or obsession with anything ✨unexplained✨ like ghosts, aliens, cryptids, etc

22. role model?

Kim Namjoon lol just kidding (sorta)

23. strange habits?

Ok I know I have some and my friends would be more than happy to point them all out but hm let me think...idk if these count as habits but I’ll never place a mirror facing a bed (this is more superstitious I guess than habit,,,) I can’t stand my food touching, if I have a tray like in cafeteria I have a certain spot for everything and uh my mind just went blank-

24. favorite crystal?

Moonstone, lapis lazuli, and I feel obligated to say garnet cause it’s my birthstone

25. first song you remember hearing?

Circle of Life maybe who knows xD

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Walk or clean,,I’m more active and about with warm/nice weather

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

...stay inside where it’s warm

28. five songs to describe you?

Not this again😭 uhhh idk you tell me ajdbd

29. best way to bond with you?

Indulge me when I go off about things I like or learn 😔✊ I know I’ll talk your ear off and I’m sorry but know I don’t often talk about these things with people so once I start it’s hard to stop,,and it makes me really happy when people do listen to me about these things and send me related items every so often or even look into it themselves to learn more 🥺

30. places that you find sacred?

For some reason this feels like a trick question...um cemeteries and anything with ages of history I guess

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Oof do I really have a true outfit?? I have shoes for this which are just black platform sneakers I call stomping shoes

32. top five favorite vines?

I never,,,watched these,,,

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“Yes”...?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

State Farm and McDonald’s, always

35. average time you fall asleep?

10-11...usually...

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Uhhh that one with the ginger dude (I think it was someone’s yearbook photo??) I don’t remember much else about the meme but it was on ifunny, or whatever the app was, a lot

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

Easy, tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

...neither

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Dude these questions really testing my brain power here- for senior prank someone put cereal in some bathroom sinks I think

41. last person you texted?

My mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I’m gonna say jacket since I wear those often

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie or cardigan

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Usually whatever shirt I’m wearing that day and some pj/lounge pants 🤷

47. favorite type of cheese?

Mozzarella

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I-what kind of question is this? How does one even answer this?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

What comes around goes around lol (yes I’m a heavy believer of karma)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Lol who knows, probably something dumb me and my siblings were doing or something we watched cause there’s been plenty times of that xD

51. current stresses?

Homework vs free time e-e

52. favorite font?

I like the gothic looking ones but it’s usually not practical to use so idk

53. what is the current state of your hands?

My hands...? They’re fine ??

54. what did you learn from your first job?

How to care for babies and little kids, how to put on a diaper lol

56. favorite tradition?

I can’t remember a particular one off hand but I’m trying to start few new ones like decorating cookies for Halloween uwu

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Uhhhhh like personally or...? Cause we’ve overcome homelessness before, um finishing assignments idk😭 oh maybe bullying?? That’s all I can think of since I still struggle with a lot,,

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Alright let’s do thisss: creativity (mostly in writing sense), I can bake/cook, I have amazing organization skills and many work places have used that lol (bonus is I don’t mind, I actually really enjoy it, very peaceful), surprisingly good balance all things considered, I’m a quick learner

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“I’m too tired for this.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Good question good question🤔 I don’t think I’d last in any of them/have a terrible side character role so 💀

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“Life’s too short to hold grudges.”

62. seven characters you relate to?

Dude this is gonna get embarrassing I can feel it🤠

Itaru, Iori, Sogo, Belle, Simeon (obey me), Nozaki (he’s clueless about romance irl and doesn’t know when someone has a crush on him yet can write romance well enough and yeah it’s me lol), and uhh Swindler/Ordinary Person in Akudama Drive (still can’t believe no one really has names in that anime but the way she gets wrapped in everything felt like something that’d happen to me lol)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Like nightclub...? I’m skipping this ajdbd

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Probably the Barbie site, me and my sister played all the dress up games almost daily istg

65. any permanent scars?

Appendectomy scars and then looks like I have one on a toe but it’s possible it still might heal...

66. favorite flower(s)?

Nightshade, foxglove, baby’s breath, bellflowers, roses

67. good luck charms?

I don’t think I have any...

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Lemon

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Let me think...I read something once about flowers having ears(?) but like not ear ears just something about having a part that picks up sound waves

70. left or right handed?

Right

71. least favorite pattern?

Lolll animal print I think

72. worst subject?

Physics...the worst science

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

6...?

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I don’t remember, it probably happened when i was 6. I do remember losing one of my front teeth during my birthday one year and I was happy since the tooth had been loose for some time xD

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Chips I guess or just like fried in skillet

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

A succulent probably

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Neither ew

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

They are both about equally terrible

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies

82. pc or console?

I am on pc side now

83. writing or drawing?

Writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts I guess

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology, it’s too fun and chaotic lol

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Hm...cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

Uh,,,I don’t have many fears but I guess one would be falling from a great height? So I would get scared of crossing a bridge and it collapsing or riding a plane and it falling easily

88. your greatest wish?

World peace🥲

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom maybe...?

90. luckiest mistake?

I honestly don’t remember but something I do remember is I out semicolon instead of period and turned out to be correct grammar lol

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight or fairy lights, I don’t require much either way and prefer more natural lighting

93. nicknames?

Lassie, twinkle toes, Ash, poody butt (by 3 yr old I sometimes watch and play with lol he means it affectionately; I call him monkey butt and it’s catching on slowly instead)

94. favorite season?

Starting to be fall just a little more but I like transition times most

95. favorite app on your phone?

Let’s go with twitter

96. desktop background?

It is a moriarty and gang pic

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

2: mine and my moms

98. favorite historical era?

Ooo tough one but I’ll say renaissance as some of the coolest things came from that time

[whereisten]

Valentine Boy

(MOBILE-FRIENDLY VERS.)

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3.1 | Part 3.2 | Part 3.3 | more coming soon

Special Cover Art by @nakayutasama ❤️

Summary:

You’ve been dating College Student!Jaehyun for a few months now. He’s unbelievably sweet, smart, oh..and very handsome. Best of all, he gives you the best love you’ve ever had. He’s the love of your life and you can’t see anything going wrong as your relationship sails smoothly..that is..until you discover his biggest secret. He’s been hiding the fact that he’s a camboy and you start to wonder..Is Jaehyun as sweet and honest as you think he is?

Pairing: female reader X college student and camboy!Jaehyun

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff

Warnings: cursing, cheating, cam boy (video-recorded sex with online audience), deception, manipulation, blackmail, alcohol use, descriptive smut (fingering, overstimulation, face riding, dirty talk, BDSM themes (handcuff usage, spanking), drunk sex, oral sex (m&f receiving), some masturbation, rough sex, vaginal penetration, breast fondling, dry humping, semi-public sex).

(A/N): I received a message saying that Part 3 was difficult to read on mobile, the app would glitch and eventually close (because we love tumblr for being efficient). So I am splitting part 3 into 3 equal parts of about 7K words each for easier reading. Thank you all again for supporting this fic!!!!🥺❤️

—————

[The Night before Spring Break]

“Do we have enough content for a week or so? I’ll be gone with my girl to Bali. I trust that you’ll upload everything on time.” Jaehyun fixes his shirt over his head while his back is faced to Reina. He doesn’t see her eyes roll in annoyance.

They’ve just recorded new clips to post during spring break for when Jaehyun goes on vacation with you.

“Yes, I will take care of it…but I have a surprise for you..” She fixes her smudged lipstick.

Jaehyun turns to her carefully, his hand already on his backpack. “You know I don’t like surprises.” He says lowly.

“Oh, Valentine Boy, don’t look at me like that..especially not while I clean your cum from my legs.”

Jaehyun glares then gets up from the couch and heads for the door.

“Anyway..I’ll be seeing you in Bali.”

He freezes in his tracks. “What did you just say?”

She gets up and walks over to him, a sly smile creeping across her face as she swings her hips.

“I thought I deserved a break too. I should treat myself to a fun vacation, right? And what better place to visit than Bali!” Her eyes open wide.

Jaehyun drops his bag and grabs her wrist, he spins her around so her back hits the door.

He towers over her with dark eyes and a menacing look. He looked as if he would tear her apart in three seconds if she were to utter one more word. But Reina is only turned on by his swift movements and harsh grip.

“Ah!” She hisses. “I love it when you’re rough with me..but are you sure you can go another round?”

“You’d be crazy to come to Bali! But if you do, I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to hear you, I don’t even want to smell your cheap perfume anywhere near me and my girl!”

Jaehyun says through gritted teeth.

“Oh, Jaehyun..a few minutes ago, you were dying to be in me..”

“It’s called acting!”

Reina chuckles, then leans in close to whisper in his ear.. “I can control my desires…can you? Will she be good enough? Can she satisfy your hunger?”

Jaehyun steps back, his mouth falling open into a gasp. “She’s more than enough..don’t you ever talk about her like that. You’re letting this gig get into your head if you think you could ever replace her. Move.”

Reina only grins and steps to the side. “I’ll see you in Bali, Valentine Boy.”

“For your sake, I hope we don’t run into each other. Don’t forget who I really love, Reina. You’re just my..Hmm how do you say it? Coworker.”

He brushes past her and opens the door to let himself out.

————

[The First Day in Bali]

“Oh my God! Look at this room!!” You say with excitement. Your eyes widen at the sight of the gorgeous room overlooking the beach in Bali. There’s a main living room with a U-Shaped white couch and a huge TV Screen.

The kitchen was big also, filled with brand new and stainless steel appliances.

“Oooo!! This is so cool!” You drop your bags and run off to the bedroom.

Jaehyun laughs as he follows in behind you and watches you prance around.

You push onto the wooden sliding doors, they open to reveal a California king sized bed. It looked like a heavenly cloud and you couldn’t wait to be in it with the one you loved the most.

The best part about it all was you had the entire villa to yourselves. You could go out onto the patio and enjoy the serene environment that surrounded you. You could just imagine the wonderful moments you’d have with Jaehyun during the sunsets. The sun shining onto his peachy skin and bringing out his more handsome features like his eyes and soft lips.

You gasp, then turn to him. “This..this is beautiful Jaehyun. It must’ve cost a fortune.”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “Remember what I told you..no talk about expenses, okay?”

He stands over you, wrapping his arms around your body to pull you into him more. He looks down into your wide eyes, brimming with tears.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you think I’m worth all this, Jaehyun? I don’t know…you work so hard..and to spend it all on me.. I just.” You shake your head and break the intense eye contact he held.

Money was something you always struggled with. Your mom did the best she could to provide for you since you were young, so you always tried to spend wisely and appreciate every dollar. Your family never had disposable income to take trips around the world or even to Disneyland. You’re only able to attend college because of scholarships and loans.

So for someone to spend money on you just to give you a vacation to enjoy, you found it difficult to accept. It was all so new to you.

“Hey.” Jaehyun takes your chin in his hand and tilts your head back to face him.

“You’re worth all this and more. I love you..so much. Please never doubt that.”

He leans down to place a delicate kiss on your lips. Your arms circle around his waist as you hug him and tip toe to get another kiss.

“Thank you.” You whisper.

He kisses you deeper now, taking your tongue into his mouth as his head turns. Your eyes close as you enjoy this moment with Jaehyun. The two of you standing at the foot of the large bed in the wonderful room. Your hair swaying gently with the breeze coming through the open doors leading to the patio and pool.

When you pull away to breathe, you open your eyes and look into Jaehyun’s before biting your lips.

“What time is dinner?” You ask quietly.

Jaehyun smirks. He already knows what you’re up to from your lustful tone. “Well…we have reservations for 6…which is 45 minutes from now..”

You run your fingers up the back of his neck slowly then massage his scalp. “Hmmm..the sun’s getting real low..Can you…push it to 7? That way..we can enjoy the sunset.”

Jaehyun bites his lips. “It’s really difficult to get reservations at this restaurant, babe.”

Your other hand traces over his bulge and palms it as you still look into his eyes.

Jaehyun clears his throat. “But I’m sure I can pull some strings.”

You wink. “Good.”

You take his hand and lead him to the patio where there are several lounge chairs. You then push his chest lightly, making him fall into one.

You crawl over him and lean over his lap. He watches you below him while getting turned on by the lustful look in your eyes.

He takes in a sharp breath, watching as you take the waistband of his sweatpants in your teeth and drag it down slowly, his somewhat-hard cock springing up.

You lick over it slowly from the base to the tip, your eyes locked with his as the taste of his salt skin awakens your senses.

Your tongue dips in between the small slit at the top, collecting a tiny bit of precum in the process. Jaehyun watches your beautiful lips on him as your ass sticks up in the air. The breeze from the ocean feels harsh now that you are outside. It blows so hard that your dress flips up and exposes your ass cheeks, only your opening is covered by a g-string.

You continue to lay light, teasing kitten licks along his length while cupping your hand around the base and moving it up and down steadily.

“I’ve wanted to do this since we got on the plane, babe.” You say before running your tongue up his shaft.

Jaehyun is fully hard now, his lips red from him biting them as he watches you work.

“Fuck, baby, I wanted to take you in the bathroom, too. But this is so much better.”

You smile then sit up straight.

Jaehyun frowns and reaches out for you. “No..keep going..pl-“

“Don’t worry, baby, I just want to get this out of the way.” You zip your dress down and throw it to the side. You lean down to Jaehyun again but he stops you.

“But baby, that bra must be so uncomfortable..” He smirks.

You chuckle then take your bra off as well. Now you leaned over Jaehyun in just your thin underwear.

Jaehyun is even more turned on now that he’s seen your entire body dazzling in the rusty sunlight, your hair blowing in the wind and your body above his as your chest heaves.

You take his length into your mouth completely. Hollowing your cheeks so that he feels the soft surface of your mouth.

Jaehyun groans and leans his head back. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”

You roll your tongue across every vein as your hand strokes the base that you can’t reach with your mouth. You enjoy the sounds he makes but you want more.

You take your mouth off of him, letting a stream of spit fall from it.

Jaehyun looks down and grunts.

You wipe your chin. “Shouldn’t you be making a call?”

Jaehyun tilts his head questioningly.

You raise an eyebrow.

A short moment passes but then Jaehyun falls out of his dazed feeling and remembers. “I’ll call them right now!”

He reaches over for his phone on a glass coffee table beside the chair and dials the restaurant. But you resume what you were doing, this time, taking in his entire length and gagging.

Jaehyun flinches at the sudden feeling. “Oh fuuuuu— HELLO! Yes.. I’m-I’m Jaehyun.. and..”

He struggles to speak while he watches you suck and feels your tongue across his aching cock.

You can feel your sensitive area become wet as your legs shake. You then take his other ball into your mouth and cover it in spit.

“Sir?” The person on the other line speaks.

Jaehyun holds back a groan. “Ah! Yes! I’m so sorry, I uh, I have a reservation for two and I want to change it to 7 instead. C-can you do that for me?”

“Do what, daddy?” You mouth.

He smiles and bites his bottom lip to hold back another grunt as he thrusts into your mouth.

You hold his hip down and shake your head as you stroke his cock. You then lick his neglected balls slowly before taking one into your mouth completely.

“Oh sh-“ He closes his eyes tightly, leaning back into the chair as he holds himself back.

“Sir..we usually don’t make last minute changes, but fortunately we do have a spot open for 7.”

The person awaits his response, but Jaehyun is too captivated by your mouth. Your tongue is working magic on him as you swallow him completely and gag.

“Sir?”

You suck harder and move faster, releasing your hold on his hip so he can fuck into your mouth now. He whimpers quietly while moving the phone away from his ear with his other hand. You breathe through your nostrils as you feel him hit the back of your throat.

He’s about to cum but..

“Sir?!” The person tries to get his attention again.

You chuckle, sending vibrations through his sensitive member.

“Yes! Ah! God, yes!” He yells into the phone as he releases into your mouth, coating the back of your throat with strings of cum.

“…We’ll see you then.” The person states then hangs up.

Jaehyun drops his phone, not caring where it falls, but moaning loudly now that he can be as vocal as he wants.

He runs his hand through your scalp as he thrusts into you slowly to get every bit out and into you. “Fuck..you naughty girl.”

When his grip loosens, you lift your head and let his essence cover your chin. “What did I do?” You ask innocently while wiping your mouth. You then shrug your shoulders.

He chuckles. “You’re gonna regret that, sweetheart, come here.” He makes a motion with his finger. He looks dangerously handsome, a strand of his hair falling into his forehead after he climaxed.

You crawl over him, but stop. “Where do you want me, baby?”

He wipes your chin for you and smiles widely. “I know you’re dripping…should I help you out with that, sweetheart?”

Your legs tighten just from the sound of his gravelly voice calling you ‘sweetheart’. You nod.

“Stand up for me, baby.”

You do as he says and watch as he slides down so that his body now rests at one level rather than being lifted at the neck up.

“Sit on my face, right now..I can’t wait to taste you.”

Your eyes widen. “A-Are you sure?”

Jaehyun smiles and licks his lips. “Get on me..now.” He says with a deeper voice.

You quickly stand over him and lower yourself slowly, kneeling into the chair.. Jaehyun takes the waistband of your underwear in his hands and rips it off of you.

“Hey!” You let out but he slaps your ass.

“It was in the way.” He gives a sly smile.

With a reassuring nod from him, you rest your bare pussy onto his open mouth, but not without flinching from the feeling of something being against it finally.

“Mmmmm..” Jaehyun hums then licks up and down your opening.

You move back and forth, slowly grinding against his soft lips and flattened tongue. Your breathing becomes shallow as he passes it over in between your folds slowly, pressing against your sweet spot gently.

You naturally raise your hands up to your breasts and massage them as you watch Jaehyun below you. You moan as a shaky breath leaves your wet lips.

He just has to touch you so he places his hands on your waist. He pulls you down onto him more while flicking the tip of his tongue onto your bud.

You let out a whimper, moving faster as Jaehyun pushes into your opening with his tongue. He pushes in as deep as he can while watching you move above him. He enjoys watching you like this with the sky above the both of you, painted in colors of blue, orange and pink.

It didn’t feel real, it felt like he was looking at a painting. Your perfect breasts move while you grasp them harder and let your fingers rub against the hard nipples.

Your hair is still blowing in the wind and your mouth opens while your moans get louder.

You grind onto him harder. “Are you sure you’re okay? Fuck..this feels so good.”

Jaehyun nods.

His hands lower from your waist down to your ass cheeks. He spreads them apart so his tongue can explore every inch of you, sticking the tip of his tongue on your slit before flicking it from side to side. He buries his nose onto your clit to provide the perfect stimulation.

“Jaehyun!” You cry out and move your hips faster.

He feels himself become hard again as he feels your round ass in his hands and listens to your wonderful sounds.

“I’m-.” You convulse over him and shake.

Jaehyun watches as you writhe, your entire body becoming covered in goose pimples and your jaw clenching as your head falls back.

He continues to massage your clit with his unforgiving tongue. Your eyes shut tightly while you orgasm for what feels like a century.

When you finally start to come down, Jaehyun releases his hold and takes your waist in his hands again. He quickly flips you over so that you’re on your back now. He throws his shirt off and kneels over you as your legs fall over his shoulders.

“I love you..” He says before pushing into you slowly.

You take his head in your hands and kiss him, licking off your essence from his mouth as he enters you completely.

He pushes deep inside you, running against your wet and sensitive walls as you whimper into his mouth.

One hand massages his scalp again while the other presses onto his back.

Jaehyun kisses you harder and harder each time, he takes your bottom lip into his mouth before licking over it.

“I love you too, baby.” You whisper once you pull away to breathe.

His chest presses against your breasts. Your heartbeats run at the same pace, his breath dances on your chin as his speed increases.

He glides in and out easily, your bud being stimulated easily by his quick movements. But he goes so deep, you begin to widen your legs more for comfort.

He pushes into you harder, pressing you into the chair and you’re sure there will be a lasting impression of your body based on how hard he’s pushing.

“Baby, you’re so wet.” He leans into your ear and whispers while gripping the crook of your knees. He watches you below him, your brows furrow and your lips red from you biting them. Your eyes are wide and brimming with tears as he fucks into you deep and keeps your legs by your head.

You look down to see his hips slap against your ass cheeks rapidly. His abs and biceps flex with every movement. And you think to yourself, how hot he is.

“Shit.” You orgasm again just from the sight of the beautiful man above you.

Jaehyun’s movement stutters. His cock being greeted by your convulsing wet pussy is enough to make him cum, but he pulls out quickly.

“Open, sweetheart.”

You open your mouth and look up with low eyes as he releases onto your tongue and chin.

“F-fuck.” He curses from the sight of your position, your legs by your head and your chest rising up and down as you catch your breath.

You lick all of it up and swallow.

“Oh, you nasty girl. Let’s get cleaned up.” He picks you up from the couch and holds you in his arms bridal style.

————

[Third Day In Bali]

After snorkeling a few times and enjoying a walk through multicolored flower fields, you and Jaehyun decide to take a cooking class together. You both needed to work on your skills, so what better way to learn than to learn from each other’s mistakes.

“Hello! Welcome to Laplapan Village! Today, we will be making Sambal. We will start off by taking a walk through the market behind us and buying the spices necessary for our dish!” Your tour guide states enthusiastically to your group of about 10 couples.

Jaehyun turns to you and gives you a wide smile. “Are you ready?” His eyes shine brightly in the sun, his skin shimmering with small balls of sweat. He smells like fresh sea and sage, but he looked like a prince. He had already gained a slight tan during your stay. Your eyes travel down his thick neck and to his exposed collar bone. Luckily, all the places you marked the night before were still being covered by his linen button up.

You nod and smile back. “Of course.”

He takes your hand and leads you in front of him. The two of you walk through the market and gaze at the vibrant colors, the smell of unique spices fill your noses. Everything is so bright and beautiful. People smile as you pass by their stores.

The tour guide had given you a list of spices to buy, so now it was up to the two of you to find them. Sounds easy right? Well, with no comprehension of the language and no cell phone service to simply Google the names, you were left to ask the owners of various shops if they had certain spices. Some gave you weird faces while some were very helpful.

Jaehyun laughs at your awkwardness. You hit him lightly on the arm and roll your eyes.

As you walk in front of him, he watches the way your body sways in your sundress, your curves perfectly accentuated yet the flowiness of the dress left much to the imagination…that is, to everyone but him. He knows exactly how your body looks underneath, he knows that your thighs and gorgeous skin were littered with his love bites, and that your waist has small bruises left from his fingertips.

He bites his lips as he thinks about the night before as well. But then he smells your hair, it is a refreshing scent. He loves to bury his face in it just to smell that scent. He loved placing his chin on your head as you laid on his chest and fell asleep. But most of all, he loved moments like this: you holding his hand as you guide him through crowds, you turning to him with the prettiest smile on your face and your beautiful, captivating eyes.

“Ah! Here it is, Jae!” You squeeze his hand gently once you find the right peppers.

“Ooo!! Yup those look spicy as f-“ Jaehyun’s face twists as he lifts it to his nose.

“We’ll take it, thank you!” You speak over Jaehyun before he continues and hands the store owner the money to pay.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, you enjoyed cooking together. Luckily, you had aprons for when things got messy. The two of you were probably the most childish during the lesson. You laughed at everything and stared at each other.

Jaehyun tried to blame you for making the dish too spicy.

“Maybe if you weren’t busy staring at my ass in this dress, you would’ve measured the peppers correctly.” You whisper into his ear as the two of you eat with the other couples.

Jaehyun only smirks and turns to you slightly. A twinkle in his eye catches your attention.

He places his large hand on your thighs and squeezes them. You flinch and almost hit your knee against the table.

Jaehyun stuffs his mouth, chewing as he turns back to watch you.

You lick your lips as he pushes his fingers up towards the apex of your legs slowly. You gulp and look down as his long fingers caress your thigh and send goosebumps up your neck.

Jaehyun chuckles quietly then leans closer to your ear. “Be careful, sweetheart.. I’ve been dying to rip that dress off of you all day.”

You look around at the other couples. None of them seemed to notice that he was carefully pushing his fingers against your dress, pressing ever so lightly to apply pressure to your sensitive area.

You try to scoot away from him, but he grabs your thigh and pulls you back to where you were.

“Hmm now why would you do that? Are you running away from me? Your boyfriend? Tsk tsk..”

He pushes two fingers against you again but with more force this time while he takes a scoop of rice up and holds it in front of your face.

“Open for daddy.”

You open your mouth. Jaehyun places the fork in your mouth and drags it out slowly.

He watches as you struggle to chew while he runs circles onto your aching slits.

“Open….” he whispers huskily. Your mouth falls open as you give him a questioning look.

“Jae..we can’t..”

Jaehyun smirks then leans into your ear again. “Open your legs or I’ll fuck you right here and show them how much of a slut you are..no one knows you’re not wearing underwear right now. Do you want them to find out?”

You gulp. Your eyes widen at Jaehyun’s sudden shift. He very rarely spoke dirty to you, but you had to admit you liked it. You are thankful to be sitting, your legs becoming weak as a growing and unignorable wetness starts to build below you.

You do as he says while moving down more so your lap is completely under the table.

He continues to tap your slit and move his harsh fingertips up and down slowly, teasingly.

“What are you..doing?” You ask through a shaky breath.

Jaehyun smiles. “I’m playing with my food.”

“Jaehyun..that isn’t fair..” Your stomach starts to feel uneasy. You can feel that need for release growing.

“I’m so hard right now..just thinking about slamming you down onto this table. Fucking you from behind while all these people watch. It’s been a while since I’ve been rough with you, hasn’t it?” He takes a deep breath. “I miss watching you cry when I choke you.”

You open your legs a little more and place your fork down. You shift in your seat slightly, grinding onto his fingers now to feel more, more friction, more of him, more of anything that will just get you to cum.

But he pulls his fingers away and places his hand on the table.

“Do you miss it, baby? You have to show me you deserve it.”

You pout. “Of course, I love it! Please..just touch me again.”

“At the dinner table? Oh naughty girl, that’s just not right. Who would do such a thing?” He winks then takes another bite of his food.

You curse quietly and shake your head, glancing away from his beautiful fingers that were bringing you to paradise just moments ago.

That night, you and Jaehyun went to see a movie on the beach. You cuddled up to each other and enjoyed your warmth. He would look over at your cute face every now and then and grin to himself. He knew he was lucky to have you.

But when you got back to the villa, Jaehyun didn’t pick up where he left off. No matter how much you begged.

“Please!! Jaehyun…I want you so badly.” You practically cling onto his arm as he changed into his night clothes.

“Hmmm I’d say we’ve been fucking a lot..almost too much on this trip.. can’t you last just one night without it?”  

You look up at him with big eyes as he brushes his teeth. “But you got me so wound up at dinner. Ugh!”

Jaehyun only laughs as he watches you through the bathroom mirror. You stomp off to the room and take your dress off.

“Why would you start something you’re not gonna finish?! Ughhh! You’re so unfair! I’m never sucking your dick again for this!”

Approaching you, Jaehyun laughs so hard he nearly chokes on his spit. “I love when you’re bratty.”

“Pleaseee Jae….” You crawl over him and onto the bed while begging one final time.

He suddenly brings you to his chest and holds you tight in a comfortable bear hug.

“Yes, just like this, baby..this is how I want us to be tonight..” He hums in your ear.

“I love you..”

Your heart rate speeds up as you rest on him. “I love you too….but I mean it when I say I’m never sucking your dick again.”

Jaehyun chuckles. “Sure..whatever you say, sweetheart.”

————

[Fifth Day in Bali]

The fourth day was filled with many more adventures with Jaehyun. You had your bratty moments but he would smirk and say that he liked it. Perhaps because he knew what he would do to you during your last night in Bali.

Tonight was your final night so you decided to go to a popular nightclub after having a romantic dinner on the beach.

You wore a black lingerie set Jaehyun had bought you. It had a gorgeous lace bra and garter belt with a lace thong accented by red beads attached. Once again, you felt beyond delicious and ready for Jaehyun. But unlike Valentine’s Day, you’d been together all day, there’s no way he’d be late for anything.

Your black leather dress was tight and accentuated your boobs while minimizing your waistline with a chain belt. The dress stopped a little higher than mid thigh but had straps which connected to your stocking heels.

If sexy was a person, you were sure you were it for the night.

You did your hair and makeup nicer than usual. You even wore Jaehyun’s favorite lipstick, a blush pink color that you wore with a lip liner so it would complement your skin color perfectly.

“Wow..” Jaehyun gasps when you walk out of the bedroom.

He was waiting for you on the couch. He stands up and walks over to you, a smile crossing his face before he licks his lips. “You know what? I’m not really feeling the club anymore..why don’t we just stay inside and..”

“Nope! We are not staying in on our last night! Let’s go!” You shimmy away from him and head for the door.

The club was large and lavish. Stunning women and men danced to bass boosted music while under the colorful stage lights. You and Jaehyun were still feeling the effects of the red wine you had at dinner. But you decided to have a few shots so you’d really be engaged and as carefree as the other club attendees.

Bodies swayed easily, bodies were on top of bodies as they grinded and made out.

They all looked so sexy, you wanted to feel what they felt, to be as they were with the ones you hoped they loved too.

Jaehyun wraps his arm around you, pulling you into his chest. He slants over and kisses your ear. “You look amazing, my love.” His voice is raspy and low, the alcohol clearly having an affect on him.

The music is loud but you can still hear him. But more importantly, you can feel him. The way his arm holds you. The way his heart beats against your back. Your butt presses against his pelvis. You grind onto him along to the music. Your bodies move together as you blend into the crowd of other lustful dancers.

Jaehyun pants into the crook of your neck while your hand goes to his head and your fingers intertwine with his hair. He moans quietly as you massage his scalp and press onto his growing erection.

“Fuck baby, I love you.” He whispers again.

He grips your hip with one hand so the two of you stay in sync. His other hand snakes up your abdomen and to your chest. He cups your breast through your dress as you let out a quiet mewl.

Your butt moves in circles on his lap, making his head spin. He moves his hand from your breast and then to your neck. He squeezes gently. “Show me how badly you want it, sweetheart.”

You grind onto him harder. You’re both tipsy and everything seems a bit hazy. A machine releases smoke which makes the two of you even more dazed. All you feel is a longing for each other being boosted by the heavy bass.

Jaehyun is about to whisper again when he feels someone pull him away.

The person grabs his hand.

“Hey!” He calls out.

He’s too drunk to stop walking, they easily overpower him and ignore his calls.

You, on the other hand, feel his absence only for a brief moment before he is replaced by someone else.

You close your eyes and dance with the person, being too drunk to realize that they’re not Jaehyun.

Jaehyun is shoved into a wall, before someone places a hand on his chest.

“Well, hello, Jaehyun.” Reina says sneakily.

“What the f-“

Jaehyun is interrupted by a rough kiss. Reina holds his face in her hands, pulling him close so her chest rests against his.

Jaehyun doesn’t protest at first, instead he wraps his arms around her, pulling her onto him even more while overtaking her tongue with his.

You also enjoy intimacy with someone else. Their hands roaming across your body as your back presses into their broad chest.

“You’re beautiful.” The person leans down and whispers in your ear. His voice is low and sexy, sending butterflies through your entire body. In a drunken haze, you let out a laugh and close your eyes while grinding your butt onto him. It had to be Jaehyun, right? Only Jaehyun could feel this good.

But Jaehyun is making out in the corner with Reina. He spins around and pushes Reina into the wall, his lips still latched to hers. Reina moans quietly as she runs her hands up and down Jaehyun’s biceps.

She bites her lips when he pulls away to look at her, his forehead sweaty and his mouth open as staggered breaths leave it.

“You look great in this shirt, Jaehyun..” She unbuttons two more buttons to reveal his chest and runs her fingers down the bare skin slowly.

“Have you missed my touch?” She asks.

And that’s when Jaehyun shifts back to reality.

Touch.

It wasn’t her touch that he missed, it was yours. Jaehyun wipes his mouth and looks at the red lipstick smudge on it in confusion.

“I thought I told you I didn’t want to see you here.” He growls out.

He begins to grow angry at himself for being so ‘easy.’ Reina caught up to him and now you were alone somewhere on the dance floor. You could see them together at any moment.

“Ahhhh..Jaehyun, baby, you know I couldn’t resist.” Reina smirks.

Jaehyun shakes his head and starts to walk away, but Reina tugs his hand. “Just touch me..daddy, feel how wet I am for you already.”

She tries to pull Jaehyun back onto her but he shakes his hand out of her grip.

“Reina..I am too upset for words right now. You have the audacity to show up at the same place me and my girlfriend are at just so you can lure me here. I may be drunk but I’m not stupid. I don’t want you.”

Reina’s smile turns to a frown quickly as she watches Jaehyun walk away from her. It feels bad to be let down after being wound up by his wild kiss, but it feels even worse to know that he wants you more than he wants her.

Meanwhile, the man behind you moves his hand from your waist to your hips. You swing slowly onto him to feel him.

He takes your movement as a sign to touch you more, placing his round lips onto your jawline and soon your neck. You place your hands behind you, throwing your head back as you arch into him. His touch feels amazing, sparks of electricity running across your skin as you dance to the intoxicating rhythm. Everything is blurry and all you can think about is the yearning in between your legs. The yearning that can only be satisfied by him, by J-

“Hey!”

You hear a loud, hoarse voice over the music.

Your eyes snap open as you are taken out of your trance. You turn around to see Jaehyun looking angrily at the man you were dancing with.

“Shit. Jae—I’m so sorry. I-I thought..”

He turns to you, steam practically escaping his ears. You shudder from the look on his face.

“Y/n..what the fuck!”

The dark-haired man chuckles. “Hey, we were just having fun..”

He turns back to the man. “Hey dickhead, can’t you see she’s taken?! Fuck off!”

Jaehyun got so upset so fast, you didn’t understand. Was it the alcohol that made him this angry?

“Jaehyun!” You try to pull him away as the man steps closer to him, but Jaehyun doesn’t budge.

“Like I said..we were just having fun..but I can see why she wanted to get away from you.” The man snickers as Jaehyun’s head looks as if it’s about to blow.

Jaehyun’s eyes widen. “This fucking asshole..”

“Hey! That’s not true!” You put your hand up to the man. “Just leave us alone.”

“Pretty boy started this…I want to see what he’s all about.” He crosses his arms.

Jaehyun balls his hands into fists. You turn back to him and place yourself in between them. “Jaehyun..don’t do this, let’s go home. The last thing we want is for you to be arrested in a foreign country. It’s not worth it.” You place your hand on his.

Jaehyun huffs and turns away from you, speeding to the door. You struggle to push through the crowd to follow him out.

“Jaehyun..baby, wait.” You finally caught up to him outside, but he held his head down and stared at the ground.

“I’m so sorry, I was drunk, I’m still a little drunk, I didn’t..I swear I didn’t know you weren’t behind me.” You beg while panting.

Jaehyun purses his lips. “I don’t want to talk about it..” He raises his hand and calls for a taxi.

“Please..Jaehyun..”

He opens the door for you. “Get in.”

You hurry inside the taxi and fix your dress. Jaehyun joins you and closes the door. He shows the driver the address, but then the two of you sit in silence.

You stare at the side of his face, waiting for him to turn to you and see your face of regret and eyes filled with tears. His jaw is clenched, his eyes are focused on the dark road and street lights outside.

About 10 minutes later, you finally break the silence. You place your hand on his thigh. “Jaehyun, I would never cheat on you, you know that..I love you, and I’m so sorry.”

But he still stared out the window. “How could you not feel the difference, y/n?”

“I-I don’t know, I was drunk. Please, believe me.”

“I don’t know..maybe you just wanted someone else, someone other than me? Is that it?”

“Jaehyun, no, that’s not true at all..I just-“

“Then why did you dance with him?! I’m your boyfriend right?” Jaehyun finally turns to you, his voice rising as the two of you sit in the backseat of the taxi.

“Yes! You are! And I love you so much, please believe me.” A tear runs down your cheek.

Things went south so fast. One moment you were dancing together, the next you were arguing and on the brink of a breakup. But you couldn’t understand why Jaehyun would’ve been this upset. A part of you felt it was unnecessary given the fact that you were inebriated at the time.

Jaehyun turns to the window as you approach your villa after a long and tense ride.

You can’t help but wonder why Jaehyun had let go of you in the first place.

“Where were you, Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened slightly. He was thankful that you hadn’t seen him with Reina, but how could he explain his absence?

“What?” He turns to you.

“Where were you? Why did you leave me alone on that crowded dance floor?”

“Are you seriously trying to turn this on me right now?” His eyes narrow and you never felt so small. But you remained firm, your concern was valid after all.

“I’m just asking-“

“No, dont..you’re just trying to come up with an excuse for your…slutting around..”

“What? ‘Slutting around’?”

“I went to the bathroom and I came back to you dancing with another man.”

“Jaehyun, I’m not stupid, you were gone for longer than a bathroom break.”

He rubs his temple. “The place was crowded as fuck, y/n! It was difficult to get to you! Wait, you know what, I’m not doing this. You’re making me feel like the bad guy.” He slams the door and heads inside.

You thank the driver before leaving through the other door.

“How am I making you feel like the bad guy when you’re the one that left me in the middle of a nightclub in a country that neither of us are familiar with?!”

Jaehyun takes his shoes off and places them on the floor.

“I drank too, y/n, and I messed up by leaving you. But you know what? At least, I don’t become a fucking slut like you when I’m drunk.”

You scoff. “Wow..Jaehyun, just wow.”

You drop your purse and kick off your heels before rushing into the bathroom to cry.

Jaehyun breaks at the sound of you crying in the bathroom. He sighs and closes his eyes. “Shit.”

You sob uncontrollably while sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

Jaehyun knocks on the locked door. “Hey…listen..I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Jaehyun knew his outburst had more to do with Reina than it did with you. He was upset that she actually showed up, he was upset that your relationship was at risk because she was there. Things weren’t going as planned, and he didn’t like that.

But unfortunately, he couldn’t control his anger and took it out on you instead.

“Y/n..baby..I know you made a mistake, okay? I’m sorry, I just got upset.”

You sniffle and wipe your eyes.

“Talk to me, please?” Jaehyun leans on the wall beside the door. “I don’t like hearing you cry, baby..”

You roll your eyes and think of how ironic all of this was. One moment he was calling you a slut, the next moment he was begging for forgiveness like you were.

You wash your face and breathe heavily into the towel.

“Y/n…don’t go to sleep angry at me, you know I don’t like when you go to sleep after we argue,” He says.

A moment later you open the door and brush past him while looking at the floor.

He takes your hand and brings you back to him, pressing you into the wall while towering over you.

“Look at me. We’re both upset, right? Let’s just forget about everything…it’s just me and you right now..no more crowded clubs, no more weird guys. I don’t want to regret this vacation, I just want to be with you, okay?”

You look up at him slowly. His eyes are brimming with tears as well. He’s so handsome as a strand of his dark hair hangs in his forehead, his lips are pouted. His cologne fills your nose, he smells so good, you just want to rest on his chest and breathe him in.

You place your lips onto his. He steps forward, making your head fall back into the wall. He takes your head in his hands and presses onto your lips harder.

Your tongue crosses over his bottom lip slowly, teasingly while he turns his head.

Jaehyun then grips your chin in his hand and kisses your lips harder. His kiss is filled with fury, anger, longing. He bites your bottom lip as your eyes close and your back leans even more. When he pulls away to breathe, he looks at you through low eyes while still holding your chin.

His gaze sends chills through your body. It’s a dark gaze that you can’t read. He looks as if he wants to destroy you, make you remember why you’re his.

You breathe heavily, your chest rising and falling as you stare at his lips, wishing they were back on yours.

But instead he rubs his thumb along your bottom lip.

“You love me…right?” He tilts his head, his eyes still narrowing in on your open mouth.

“Of course I do, Jaehyun.” You say breathily.

“Show me then…” he steps back while taking his belt off.

PART 3.1 | PART 3.2 | PART 3.3

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

It’s All In The Execution (S2, E1)

It happened. We got a second season. I’m living my best life...unfortunately Malcolm isn’t...

*** Content warning: brief mentions/allusions to depression, suicidal ideation, and Malcolm’s general poor mental health ****

SPOILERS AHEAD.

0:00 -  OH HELL YES. I can’t believe we actually got a second season! <3 My heart is so full. 

0:18 – “This ledge is taken.” …..ok so I have lots of feelings about this scene. 1) Malcolm’s lines are iconic in this scene and I love it. 2) WHY THE ACTUAL HELL WOULD JT, DANI, AND EDRISA AGREE TO LET A (LET’S BE HONEST) MAN IN A VERY BAD MENTAL STATE WITH A HISTORY OF DEPRESSION STAND ON A LEDGE FOR A CASE?!? Like seriously, Gil wouldn’t have gone with this shit. 3) As soon as I saw Malcolm on the ledge I believed he was seriously considering jumping. He showed passive suicidality most of last season and after Endicott – well I don’t blame him for being a little depressed. 

0:26 – Damn. Malcolm is really manic in this scene. It’s reminiscent of the pilot episode in the sense that Malcolm really has no filter. 

0:40 – Ok so Tom Payne deserves a freaking Emmy. This performance is gorgeous. Look at his facial expression when he says “It got real dark for me though. Family issues.” The look on his face completely convinces me that Malcolm is riding the struggle bus more than usual right now…..also am I the only one who thinks this ‘penthouse slasher’ is kind of unbelievable? He strikes me as too anxious and jumpy to be a serial killer. 

1:18 – Is Malcolm even trying to hide the fact that he knows what happened to Endicott?!? I mean “I tried to fight it” can’t JT and Dani hear his usual ‘projecting his personal issues on the suspect shtick?’ 

1:30 – Did he really just scream “I am the Surgeon’s son” from a ledge?!? Dude – someone please give this boy a hug and get him to Gabrielle – like last month.

1:40 – Soooo… now Chester isn’t scared of the ledge? He looked like he was going to wet himself from fear a literal minute ago. 

1:49 – OH OF COURSE CHESTER SLIT THEIR THROATS. JUST LIKE AINSLEY SLIT ENDICOTT’S. Chris Fedak really loves to inject Malcolm’s personal issues into the ‘serial killer of the week’.

2:23 – I’m sorry – the team let Malcolm on the ledge without tethering him first?!? No. No. No. I refuse to believe it. Dani, JT, and Edrisa care too much about Malcolm to let him do that.  

2:28 – Why is Edrisa even on this stakeout?!? Did she fill in as the 4th team member while Gil was in the hospital?!? I love Edrisa – she’s hilarious but the fact that she’s in the field like this is absolute nonsense. Hahaha 

2:32 – hahaha OMG. JT is like the big brother forced to hang out with his younger sibling and their weird friends. He’s think’s they’re all crazy but he’d also die for them.  

2:42 – Yikes. Malcolm is questioning his moral code. This boy is headed for a real nasty downward mental spiral if someone doesn’t intervene quickly.  

2:46 – Am I really supposed to believe that a rope tied to a radiator can hold the weight of two grown men dangling off a building?!? I mean – I’ll suspend my disbelief because I know it’s fictional entertainment but I found it really distracting.  

2:48 – JT. Would. Not. Let. Go. Of. That. Rope. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. If for no other reason than because he loves GIL too much to let Gil’s surrogate son fall to his death. I understand why this happened – tension and excitement for television in the first scene of a new season but honestly – this whole first scene is wildly unrealistic given what we know about JT, Dani, Edrisa and their respective roles on the team.

2:50 – Can we talk about JT’s facial hair for a sec? I like him with it (and without it). Part of me thinks he grew it because he’s trying to channel Gil while he’s temporarily in charge of the team.  

3:08 – Honestly, the second Malcolm picked up his phone all I could think was “You moron. What if you drop that thing off the side of the building!?!?!”…then I remembered that he’s rich.

3:20 – “Please say it’s cancer.” Hahahahahaha OMG. I have a love/hate relationship for Malcolm with no filter. That’s freaking comedic gold. 

3:57 – “I’m hanging in there.” Tom Payne is freaking incredible. Look at his facial expression here. Malcolm’s emotional pain is etched on that face. Ugh. I’m love. 

4:02 – soooo no updated title screen. Interesting. 

4:08 – Istg the writers only put Ainsley in this scene so she would be in the episode. I mean honestly – what kind of precinct lets reporters with a camera crew INSIDE?!?! 

 4:15 – hahaha I love JT in this scene. I love how he initially looks at Ainsley with a mixture of confusion, resignation, and fear. This is a man who does not like the camera.  

4:16 – Side note: is it just me or is Ainsley acting very manic in this scene? Something about her energy reminds me of Malcolm circa 1x05 when he’s not sleeping and trying to convince everyone that he’s fine.

4:38 – hahahaha OMG. That wink.  

4:48 – Even Malcolm looks surprised that Ainsley and a camera dude were let into the precinct.  

5:00 – Ahhh the hand tremor. <3 Love that they’re still using that. 

5:05 – also Malcolm is heartbreaking in this scene. Someone give him a hug. Look at how hard he’s trying to hide his pain, fear, and trauma. UGH.  

5:33 -  So we finally get to see it. The moments immediately after 1x20. Or do we? I have this crackpot theory (I posted it on my main blog, so you might’ve already seen it – “AllTimeBouvier”) that these flashbacks are only a fraction of the truth. I think Sophie walked followed Malcolm from the vet’s office to the hospital, then home. I think she hid when she heard Endicott’s voice due to fear but came out after Ainsley started screaming and stabbing.  Besides – anyone else notice how the portion of these flashbacks where Malcolm is saying “Ainsley, focus on me. You didn’t do this. I did.” Only his right hand is ever in the frame. So it’s impossible to tell if he’s holding his cell (on the phone with Martin) with his left hand or if he just hung up and put the phone back in his pocket? I think that Martin either phoned Malcolm back or Martin heard Sophie’s voice and demanded to talk to her. I think Sophie disposed of the body while Malcolm took care of Ainsley like a good big brother. I think Sophie went into hiding and Martin is gaslighting Malcolm into believing that he disposed of Endicott’s body.  

5:37 – Anyone else want to know what happened to the murder weapon? And Ainsley’s bloody clothes? Just me? 

6:00 – hahahahaha Jessica is so extra. I love it. 

6:29 – Wait. What? Why was Ainsley quarantined with Jessica? Ainsley has her own apartment. If Jessica forced Ainsley to come and live with her during quarantine – why didn’t she also force Malcolm? This doesn’t track for me. 

6:40 – I love that Jessica brought Malcolm food (you can see the grocery bag behind Malcolm in one of the shots) and went so far as to actually lay out the breakfast ingredients for him. <3 I mean. It’s extra but it’s also sweet.  

6:45 – Why is Jessica looking at Malcolm’s pill bottles? Is it just to avoid eye contact with Malcolm while she talks about Gil? Is she noticing that his dosage has changed (she’s extra so I’m assuming she knows exactly what meds he takes and how much of each). Is that part of the reason why she’s suspicious of Malcolm? His dosage has gone up and he’s clearly trying to hide his pain?

 6:52 – I love how Malcolm interacts with Jessica in this scene. It’s so cute. They’re adorable. AND seeing Malcolm in casual clothing is always nice.  

7:44 – “Oh about that.” Damn. Malcolm really can’t catch a break. Poor baby. : ( 

7:50 – hahaha Martin looks like a mountain man here. Completely deranged and un-groomed.  

7:51 – Glad Mr.David isn’t dead or evil. I had fears.  

8:35 – The tension between Dani and Malcolm seems to have lessened since 1x20. The trust seems to have been partially rebuilt. Partially. Dani is still suspicious.  

8:38 – Well at least Malcolm’s still going to therapy.  

8:41 – GREEN SUIT. HELL YES.

9:06 – “The ‘Drise knows.” OMG hahahaha I love this show. Look at how Malcolm looks at her hahaha. 

9:17 – “I can fire these people right?” OMG. 10/10. JT REALLY SHINES IN THIS EPISODE. AND FRANK HARTS IS KILLING IT and the writers gave him so much well deserved screen time and great lines.  

9:53 – Malcolm and Edrisa getting excited about murder is honestly so freaking cute.  

10:34 – OMG. The way Malcolm perks up at the mention of rumours is hilarious. A learned behaviour from Jessica during his childhood? 

10:45 – I’ll say it again. Chris Fedak was wasting Frank Harts in season 1. This dude is shining in this episode. I hope they keep giving him more lines and screen time than they did last season. 

12:00 – I love seeing Malcolm this excited/happy but it’s pretty concerning that his passion is murder weapons.  

12:04 – This scene is really interesting to me for four reasons 1) Where the eff did Dani go? I guess she’s probably on her way to see Gil? 2) Even though Malcolm is getting excited about murder he’s way less manic than he was earlier this episode. 3) I love watching JT deal with Edrisa and Malcolm’s nerdy excitement. I could watch it all day. So fun. 4) I love watching JT and Malcolm in scenes together. Period. I can honestly say that watching their friendship evolve is one of the highlights of this show for me.  

12:30 – Heartbreaking. Malcolm had a few minutes where he forgot about Ainsley, Endicott, Martin, and the various traumas currently haunting him. Then he not only remembered but he saw Martin in himself. The crazy person collecting murder weapons. You can tell he feels embarrassed, ashamed, and sad. I genuinely believe that’s why JT says, “soooo weird.” with a look of sympathy and concern. JT doesn’t suspect that Malcolm has anything to do with Endicott’s murder at this point in time. Mark my words. 

12:55 – Edrisa gets Bright. I will never ship them together but I really hope they get more scenes together this season. Their friendship is beautiful. 

13:00 – Malcolm, baby, no. You don’t have to do this. Ugh. Poor baby. This is just going to make the night terrors worse. 

13:10 – They trimmed Martin’s beard but not his hair between the first scene in this episode and now. I think they just combed his hair? Why?!? Was this a Michael Sheen request? I must know!!! 

13:40 – hahaha OMG. Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how incredible Michael Sheen is?!? This man can go from downright terrifying to hilarious in a split second. Incredible actor.  

13:55 – Sooooo Mr. David doesn’t know about Endicott? Because he’s definitely heard Malcolm and Martin discuss some pretty sketchy stuff over the years. I’m pretty sure he heard about the Sophie stuff last season didn’t he? Why is Martin finally trying to hide something from Mr. David?  

14:03 – Look at Malcolm’s face. Ugh. He looks nauseous and scared. Someone hug him. Or better yet – get him away from Martin.  

14:18 – Sooooo is Jerry going to be a problem later? Martin ‘cures him’ later in this episode so will he be able to tell someone he heard Martin and Malcolm talking about Endicott’s murder? Would anyone believe him?  

14:40 – GO. TO. HELL. MARTIN. You’re not feeling it?!? Haven’t you caused enough emotional damage to your son. Stop. Trying. To. Manipulate. Malcolm.  

14:50 – Question 1000 about how Endicott’s body was disposed of: Where the hell did Malcolm get that yellow jumpsuit on such short notice? And….those gloves – anyone else notice that they’re practically the same as the gloves he puts on in Izzy’s sex dungeon in a few minutes? ALSO – THEY FOUND ENDICOTT’S BODY IN ESTONIA?!? LIKE ALL OF IT OR JUST PARTS OF IT? WOULDN’T IT BE SMARTER TO SCATTER HIS BODY IN MULTIPLE COUNTRIES IF IT’S ALREADY IN PIECES?!? Unless maybe Endicott’s body isn’t in pieces because we all know that Malcolm’s memory of traumatic events is fuzzy at best. 

15:07 – “Don’t. Say. That. Never, say that.” - I’m really proud of Malcolm here. He’s clearly in serious emotional distress throughout this whole conversation. He’s grappling with what he believes he did, what that means about him, his moral code, and his relationship with Martin. But yet – he found the strength to basically tell Martin to eff off.  

15:20 – AMAZING. Right after Martin says “Estonia?” there are a few seconds where it genuinely looks like Malcolm is going to cry. It’s moving as hell, heartbreaking, and some downright kickass acting. 

15:56 – Well, that’s not going to help Malcolm’s night terrors. But we definitely have confirmation that Jerry wasn’t as engrossed in the cartoons as Martin suggested.  

16:20 – I love this scene. Gil is the whole team’s surrogate father – not just Malcolm’s. Sometimes I forget that. Also – the fact that Chris Fedak waited 16 minutes to show us Gil Arroyo alive and well is a crime.  

16:28 – “He wouldn’t dare.” “I know.” How cute is this? Look at Dani’s smile. Ugh. I can’t decide if they know that JT doesn’t want Gil’s job because he loves working with Gil too much or he doesn’t like how much responsibility comes with Gil’s title. Probably a combination of both.  

16:35 – Sooo has Malcolm not been visiting Gil? I guess because of COVID he couldn’t but now he’s just not? I mean – Gil would be able to tell how Malcolm’s doing just by looking at him.  

17:05 – I’m sorry ‘multiple surgeries’?!? I want elaboration on this.  

17:09 – So I googled “British musician Izzy” and the top hit was the guitar player for Guns’n’Roses (who looks kinda like this guy). I have no idea what that means but I found it interesting. 

17:30 – Holy shit. Izzy is a nutcase. I love him. hahaha 

17:55 – Soooo Malcolm keeps a spray bottle of some sort of magic “show me the blood” water? Nah – the writers wrote it into the show for this scene’s convenience.  

18:05 – I love this. Malcolm’s nonchalant approach to his mother and Gil’s budding relationship. He’s like a little kid who doesn’t want to get his hopes up. He’s using the mentality of “If I don’t acknowledge it, it’s not happening. Therefore, if it goes wrong – I won’t get hurt by it.” It’s really sad and I wish he didn’t run away from something that will potentially be good but I also get it. 

18:06 – I also respect Malcolm a lot in this scene and am irritated by Dani. Look – they both adore Gil. They’re both protective of Gil (and in Malcolm’s case Jessica). Here’s where they’re different: Malcolm recognizes and respects that Gil and Jessica are adults who can make their own decisions. Dani doesn’t. Dani is acting like a preteen trying to break up Dad and the new step-mom she isn’t sure of. Dani and Malcolm both have their hearts in the right place but I disagree with Dani’s response to the relationship. I also understand where she’s coming from given what we know about Dani’s bio Dad.  

18:39 – It’s not supposed to be funny but holy hell. Malcolm putting his head on the floor to listen is hilarious.  

19:00 – I’m getting major John Watkins flashbacks. Malcolm breaks down a lot of walls where serial killers once hung out. Is that supposed to be some sort of subtle comment on Malcolm’s character? 

20:33 – Damn. Malcolm’s hair is long this season.  

20:55 – aannnnnd here are the murder gloves from the Endicott flashbacks. 

21:30 – Something about Malcolm dancing to this music in this supremely manic state is really upsetting to me. It just makes me uncomfortable.  

22:13 – I’m so worried about Malcolm right now. Holy hell. Get him to Gabrielle. NOW. 

23:00 – A skil saw. Pretty much a small version of what Malcolm thinks he dismembered Endicott with. Yikes. Fedak really loves making Malcolm project his issues on murder suspects.  

23:27 – Yep. Dani totally thinks Malcolm killed Endicott. She thinks he’s gone dark side and followed Martin’s footsteps. This is not going to be good for their friendship or the trust that they’re rebuilding.

23:50 – One of my favourite things about this show is that it can go from dark and creepy to family sitcom-esque drama in a second. It helps lighten the show’s tone a little. I mean honestly – most of the fans are here for the family drama as opposed to the ‘killer of the week’ storyline anyways. 

24:10 – I love this. Jessica admitting to Malcolm that she and Gil have been discussing him for almost 25 years. You can see that Malcolm is 1) a little freaked out and 2) a little touched. For a moment you can see how badly he wants Gil and his Mom to have a long-lasting romantic relationship.  

24:32 – OMG. Why did Jessica call Ainsley about Malcolm’s mental state before calling Malcolm? Is that standard Whitly family practice? I have questions. 

24:40 – Yep. Dani is Concerned and Scared.  

26:46 – Sooo we all agree that Martin was trying to electrocute Jerry to death right? I mean “You really shouldn’t have done that Jer-bear.”?!?!  And he’s literally a serial killer?! 

27:25 – Mr. David is having none of Martin’s bullshit – so how did Martin get away with it? What does Martin have on Mr. David? 

27:50 – “A miracle.” Omg. Hahahaha. I love this show. So. Much. 

28:09 – “clearing her brother’s name. Not murder.” Seriously, the parallels between this case and Malcolm’s personal issues are more obvious than usual this episode. Almost to the point where I’m annoyed that the other characters aren’t really catching on.  

28:35 – “What happened, his brain break?” I love the way JT can simultaneously tease and be concerned about Malcolm. Ugh. It’s beautiful (and hysterical). 

29:07 – Not again. Please stop putting JT in front of the camera. I’m getting second-hand embarrassment and anxiety on his behalf. It hurts to watch (funny too, but mostly painful). 

29:19 – Look at Gil. Hahaha he’s so amused by JT’s awkwardness in front of the camera – but you can also see how proud he is. <3 I love papa!Gil.  

29:33 – “Police work is patience.” Cute 1x05 callback. And can we all just take a minute to appreciate how much Gil loves Dani. Just look at his proud Dad face!! <3 Warms my cold, dead heart. 

30:00 – Oh yeah, Dani is suspicious.  

30:04 – I love how Gil seems to be the only person who truly understands Malcolm and all his quirks. <3 I love how much Gil loves Malcolm. <3 I just…ugh. <3 <3 <3 • 30:11 – “I’m a good big brother.” That line cut through my heart. He shouldn’t have been put in this position – choosing between his moral code and his brotherly instincts. It’s not fair and the stress of it is literally killing him.  

30:17 – “Messed them up.” Them!?!? I’m sorry Dani, when did you and Gil start talking about Malcolm AND Ainsley?!? Last I checked this was a 100% Malcolm conversation. …she’s not wrong though. 

30:33 – “There’s nothing we haven’t talked about.” I love what that suggests. To me – that means they when Dani has a bad break up, they talk about stupid stuff like what they’re cooking for dinner and songs that make them happy. I love that it suggests that Dani and Gil have talked about Jackie. Malcolm might be Gil’s fake-son but Dani is sooo Gil’s fake-daughter. <3 I can just see him getting all overprotective when she gets a new boyfriend even though he knows damn well that Dani is more than capable of taking care of herself – he can’t help it, Dani is his little girl. <3 <3 <3 

31:00 – Ugh….ok. So this scene. I’ve seen a lot of mixed reactions about it. I have a bit of a mixed reaction myself tbh. On one hand, I love that they have the type of relationship where they can openly discuss this. On the other hand – it feels forced and it really rubs me the wrong way. Dani is just way out of line here. She’s totally attacking Jessica and Gil is kind of letting her? I mean I think it upsets me so much because Gil isn’t even really defending Jessica.  Also, that line about Jackie thinking the Whitly’s are cursed?!? Wtf is that?!? No. No. We know that Jackie loved Malcolm like a son. Jessica has said that Jackie was kind. What is this cursed nonsense?!?!? I refuse to believe it. And the fact that Jessica heard it all breaks my heart. Like – it physically hurts me to watch this scene for all of the above reasons. But I also kind of understand why we got the scene – to further explore the Gil+Dani dynamic and to add some angst to the Jessica/Gil romance.  

33:00 – Oh hell yes. I love this danger. 

34:10 – Amazing how calm Malcolm is while the killer is literally going through his murder weapon collection. Like he hasn’t been this calm all episode? 

35:10 – Ahhhh here’s manic!Malcolm. 

35:25 – “Is it my hair?” Okay so totally hilarious, but Dani is listening to this. Can she tell that Malcolm is clearly (and weakly) deflecting the comment about him being a killer like Martin? 

35:40 – Malcolm is scared. :( Someone please hug him. This is the most honest he’s been all episode. My heart is broken.  

36:20 – Soooo did Malcolm just abstractly tell Dani that he’s a justice killer? Nahhhh I’m totally typing out of my ass.  

37:00 – He was on the Harvard fencing team?!? Why is that adorable? 

37:34 – Malcolm just cut a dude 3x. No remorse. No more fear. He’s calm. I’m terrified. Does he like hurting the killer?  

37:50 – I think Dani suspects that Malcolm killed Endicott. Yep. Definitely. 

38:00 – Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. This scene with JT and the cops is heart-wrenching. The fact that Dani and Malcolm come to his rescue is beautiful. The fact that JT is clearly terrified but not angry is perfect. I hate that this scene had to be made but I love how it was executed.  

38:31 – Look at Malcolm’s confused, white, rich face here. He genuinely can’t believe that cops just racial profiled one of the only good people who ever accepted a serial’s killer’s son as a friend.  

38:40 – I’m crying. JT’s fear (and Frank Harts’ acting) is so believable and completely haunting. I hear the subtext in this scene, “What if those cops killed JT? What would happen to his pregnant wife and unborn child?”, “How is JT going to financially support his family if he loses his job unfairly?”, “How messed up is it that a literal military veteran is terrified of fellow police officers?”. 

38:44 – “You didn’t do anything wrong.” This line gives me hope. Malcolm isn’t too far gone. Malcolm still knows right from wrong and he still has a heart of gold. 

38:55 – Ok. I LOVE that Gil magically shows up in this scene. BUT HOW DID HE KNOW TO COME TO THE PRECINCT?!?! LIKE WTF? Because Malcolm and JT look surprised to see Gil. Dani just looks relieved – did she call Gil?  

39:10 – Gil is an absolute A+ human being. I love him. I will die for him.

39:33 – OMG. JT’s big watery puppy dog eyes have ripped my heart to shreds. <3 :( 

39:45 – When I first saw this I thought Malcolm was hurt by Gil’s “and whatever Bright is”. But upon re-watching it – Malcolm looks surprised and so so touched. I’ll be honest – I don’t think Malcolm’s mental state would be so bad right now if he had had regular contact with Gil throughout COVID. Gil is Malcolm’s rock. His literal example of what a good man looks like – without him during a traumatic time Martin creeps back into Malcolm’s psyche.  

40:15 – Sooo Martin is still definitely lying to Malcolm.  

40:20 – Stupid little thing – there never used to be a toilet on Jerry’s side of the room. And what happened to all of Martin’s books and stuff? Did Claremont put it in storage? I mean he’s a serial killer? Jessica certainly didn’t store it for him. 

40:37 – Amazing. As soon as Malcolm physically sees Gil he comes to Martin with a renewed faith in his moral code. (“I stop killers. I don’t help them.”) 

41:30 – “Please don’t torture yourself for that.” Martin is right BUT that’s also why I hate him. Martin is manipulating Malcolm right now. He’s trying to convince Malcolm that he genuinely cares and loves his children. Thus destabilizing further Malcolm’s mental state.  

41:36 – Also – both Tom Payne and Michael Sheen are acting their asses off here. *chef’s kiss* 10/10. I love to see it.  

41:45 – Aaaannnnd there’s Martin the asshole. Completely screwing with Malcolm’s mind. Again. What a dick. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.  

42:00 – Look at how scared Malcolm is. I genuinely think Malcolm (whether or not he actually dismembered Endicott, I suspect he didn’t) feels good when he remembers doing it. This is BAD for Malcolm’s mental health. Yikes. : ( Poor baby.  

Ok. So that’s the first episode of season 2. I really liked it. It wasn’t perfect but I’m excited for what this season might bring. Be back next week.  

[forestwater87]

Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole. 

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that). 

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84​ calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak. 

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y. 

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here. 

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit. 

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call! 

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do. 

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode. 

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic. 

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff! 

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise. 

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it. 

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation. 

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . . 

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere. 

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great. 

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual. 

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one. 

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy. 

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously. 

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season. 

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen. 

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful. 

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale). 

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family. 

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much. 

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised. 

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results. 

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny. 

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been. 

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

** Writing Challenge **

I know, I know, my next one isn’t quite wrapped up yet, buttttt this idea came to me when my cousin and I were taking a walk down a ridiculous part of Memory Lane and I got excited. I’m guessing this has been done before at some point -- that’s not stopping me from presenting to you: 

I love fluff. And I wanna see more of it! 

Below the cut you will find some prompts that, in the context of Twilight, are absolutely cringe-worthy. My challenge to you is to take that prompt and make it something we can love. 

Disclaimer: I’m not Twilight-shaming ANYONE. I literally sat and watched all of Eclipse and now want to watch both Breaking Dawns. It’s more about sentiment, and the occasional girly giggle for me, but ... yeah. No judgement here, friends. 

Guidelines, prompts, and tags are below the cut! (Yes, I copied and tweaked from my last writing challenge. I’m being efficient, thank you! :P )

Please read all of the information carefully!

Rules, Guidelines, Important Dates:

Sign-Ups start when this post is live and will go through to December 30, 2020. I will accept two people for each prompt, one prompt per author.

Please send your sign-ups to my ask box so they’re easier to keep track of. I will answer them privately so I’m not flooding anyone’s dash!

In your ask, please include your preferred prompt and a backup option, as well as your pairing (so I don’t take the same pairing for the same prompt). Also, please let me know if you’ll be posting from a URL other than one you’re asking from.

To be included in the challenge masterlist, please post your fic (or the first part, if it’s a series) by Decemeber 31, 2020.

Please include an author’s note tagging me and mentioning the challenge in your fic post; include #BetterThanTwilightWC in the first five tags. If the tag doesn’t work, you may DM the link to me, also. If you decide to write a series, please tag me in the masterlist.

Please give me up to 48 hours to read your fic before checking if I have seen it. If I have not liked it after 48 hours, please DO check. (You know, since we’re all aware of how unreliable tumblr is. And how unreliable my mind can be. Yikes.)

The challenge masterlist will be posted between January 1 and January 4, 2020.

There are no word count limits, but please use the Keep Reading feature if your story goes beyond 500 words. Additionally, if your fic goes beyond 5000 words, please consider splitting it into multiple parts. This is not a requirement, only something to think about.

Yes, this is a FLUFF challenge, so you MUST have fluff as your main genre. You’re more than welcome to include other genres, but you MUST have a happy and/or hopeful ending.

You’re welcome to think outside of the box! Just because I’m talking Twilight and love stories, doesn’t mean there has to be romance! Give me  amazing friendships or strong family bonds or self-love. Or romance! Whatever you’d like. 

You're welcome to change pronouns in the prompt as necessary! Heck, I tweaked a few of ‘em so they’re not Twilight-specific.

For personal reasons, I do not read and will not accept into the challenge (which means I will not reblog or add to the masterlist) stories that include: non-con/dub-con, underage sex, adult-child romantic/sexual relationships, spouse-bashing, child abuse – I could go on, but I think you get the idea. If you’re not sure about something, I’m always happy to answer questions!

Bring on the ships, OC’s, reader pairings – I’m trying to be more open-minded as of late, but I can’t promise that I will read everything. Again, for personal reasons. But I will reblog everything! 

Characters and RPFs from Marvel/MCU are both welcome. 

If you need an extension or need to drop out, please know that I am extremely flexible when it comes to that deadline/due date. In the words of Captain Barbosa, “It’s really more of a guideline.” Just shoot me an ask or a message and we’ll work something out, no worries! 

Prompts: 

1. “I have always loved you, and I will always love you.”  2. “The clouds I can handle. But I can’t fight with an eclipse.”  3. “I know what you are.”  4. “You held out your hand and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing.” 5. “You have a connection with her that I’ll never understand.” 6. “I’m glad she has you.” 7. “It will be like I never existed. I promise.” 8. “I knew who I wanted to be. I wanted to help people. Brings me happiness.” 9. “That will take a while to get used to.” “We have a while.” 10. “What if I’m not the hero? What if I’m the bad guy?” 11. “I’d rather hear your theories.” 12. (sarcastically) “Super. That makes me really happy.” 13. “You’re like my own personal brand of heroin.” 14. “Maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. It’s gross. I should be thoroughly repulsed.” 15. “It’s an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and they’ll accept you for what you are.” 16. “I’ve been waiting for what seems like a very long time to get beyond what I am.” 17. “I feel like I can finally begin.” 18. “He’s totally gorgeous, obviously. But apparently nobody here is good enough for him.” 19. “He did say I couldn’t step inside the door. I came in through the window.” 20. “I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth. And I know how to use a gun.” 21. “Now I’m afraid.” “Good.” 22. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m only afraid of losing you.” 23.  “About three things I was absolutely positive ...” 24. “You’re so stubborn.” 25. “Do you know how worried I’ve been?” 26. “I can’t even think about someone hurting you.” 27. “The only thing that can hurt me is you, and I don’t have anything else to be afraid of.” 28. “Don’t antagonize her. She’s the strongest one in the house.” 29. “All right. That’s enough experimenting for one day.” 30. “It never made sense for you to love me.” 31. “I wish there had been someone to vote no for me.” 32. “It’s just a little baby.” 33. “How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?” 34. “I’m not missing another fight!” 35. “No one can hide like me.” 36. “If I asked you to stay in the car, would you?” 37. “I have one condition, if you want me to do it myself.” 38. “I had an adrenaline rush. It’s very common. You can Google it.” 39. “How did you get in here?” “The window.” 40. “I love a happy ending. They are so rare.” 41. “You should put your seatbelt on.” 42. “Can you talk about something else? Distract me so I won’t turn around.” 43. “I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.” 44. “After all the thousand times I’ve told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?” 45. “Maybe that’s why they kicked me out.” 46. “All of my best nights have happened since I met you.” 47. “You know everybody’s staring?” “Not that guy ... no, he just looked.” 48. “She wishes she was that awesome.” 49. “Does he visit often?” “Yeah, all the time.” 50. “Lie ... Lie better.” 51. “I’m Switzerland.” 52. “That should have been our first kiss.” 53. “Would you like to hear my story? It doesn’t have a happy ending -- but which of ours does?” 54. “Another party?” “It’ll be fun.” “Yeah. That’s what you said last time.” 55. “You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. I will always be yours.” 56. “The way he watches you. It’s like he’s willing to leap in front of you and take a bullet or something.” 57. “Kill me! Not him!” 58. “Stay.” “Give me one good reason.” 59. “Yeah, it’s and off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell.” 60. “Damn it! You’ll be the death of me, I swear you will.” 61. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not afraid of it.” 62. “Do I dazzle you?” 63. “I’m tired of trying to stay away from you.” 64. “Bring on the shackles, I’m your prisoner.” 65. “You are my life now.” 66. “And then we continued blissfully into this small, perfect piece of our forever.” 67. “Nobody’s ever loved someone as much as I love you.” 68. “I don’t know what happened.” “You love him.” 69. “All of sudden it’s not gravity holding you to the planet, it’s her. Nothing else matters. You would do anything, be anything for her.” 70. “You really love her?” 71. “I don’t see the whole point of the rest of the world without her.” 72. “Then I found a promising site ... I waited impatiently for it to load, quickly clicked closed each ad that flashed across the screen. Finally, the screen finished -- simple, white background with black text; academic-looking. Two quotes greeted me on the homepage:” 73. “I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” 74. “I’ll be fighting for her, too, and I’ll be fighting twice as hard as you will.” 75. “It’s always been him.” 76. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you.” 77. “They’re coming for her.” “They’re not gonna touch her.” 78. “Doesn’t he own a shirt?” 79. “You know, if it weren’t for the fact that we’re enemies and that you’re also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.” 80. “You have disappeared. Like everything else.” 81. “The absence of him is everywhere I look.” 82. “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.” 83. “Your number was up the first time I met you.” 84. “We all like to drive fast.” 85. “It’s too easy to be myself with you.” 86. “I’ve never given much thought to how I’d die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go.” 87. “Don’t tempt me too far. My patience isn’t that perfect.” 88. “His tone questions my sanity, but it only made me more suspicious. It was like a perfect delivered line by a skilled actor.” 89. “What’s he mad about?” 90. “No measure of time with you will ever be enough.” 91. “I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever.” 92. “We’re gonna be great friends!” 93. “If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing him.” 94. “Until your heart stops beating.” 95. “I touched the cool miracle of his ski, and I was home.” 96. “Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.” 97. “This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes.” 98. “Leave it to you ... you have to start hanging out with the first weirdos you can find.” 99. “I love him much more than I should, and yet still nowhere near enough.” 100. “I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes.”

Tags for possible interest/signal boosting (if you’re so inclined): 

 @captain-s-rogers​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​​​​​​​​​ @hurricanerin​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @horsesandbandsforlife​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @im-not-an-armrest-im-short​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @captain-rogers-beard​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @shynara51​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @sea040561​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @pinknerdpanda​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @xtina2191​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @jackryanplz​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @beakami​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @heartsaved​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @fullprunerebelstatesman​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @blackwidowismyhomegirl​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @the-murder-strut-murdered-me​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @shield-agent78​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @jennmurawski13​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @okay-maybe-i-like-marvel-too​​​​​​​​​​​​​

[deltastorm101]

So, I tried to calculate Control...

... and its Epic Games deal, with the help of my certified smooth brain™ and probably incorrect sources. I started this last night hella tired and with a headache, I have finished it up today hella tired and with a headache, and this is what I produced: bullshit! :D But hey, at least double checked bullshit that’s open for discussion and contribution and expansion. Also, I probably won’t list the sources because a) I’m lazy and b) I didn’t have to dig thaaat deep down to find all this so if you really wanna know you could probably hit google with it as well. Anyhow here we go lol So, the initial thought which got all of this rolling was the 2020-wrap-up-post Remedy linked on their twitter, and Epic’s linked publishing announcement in it: studios Remedy, Playdead and GenDesign will release their next next-gen games with Epic. Now, we all know Remedy are working on some sort of Alan Wake-ish thing as we speak (right? right?? god I hope so), which meanssss our boy will most likely be an Epic exclusive. Which makes me kinda sad because, well. I’m deep in Steam’s ass. Hell, I waited for Control for a full year before I played it because they can pry the Steam version from my cold dead hands. So I asked myself... was it worth it for them? How much money did they throw at Remedy (and 505 Games) to have them play along? Would they have reached more people from the get-go if they had released it on Steam right away? Did the individual programmer, designer, writer, artist, person behind it profit from this at all? (Also, like, about the rights and copyright thing,,,,, you’d think they could have learned from Alan Wake and its IP belonging to Microsoft and so not really being able to do anything more with it because they don’t ‘own’ it and shit) buuut anyway that’s not the point of this post, now it’s time to do some MATH BABEY

Ok, let’s start with some things we know. Facts. Figures. Data. Turns out my initial question, how much money was involved, could be answered by doing one (1) google search: according to Wikipedia, Epic gave Remedy and 505 Games €9.49mio. The total budget for the game was €26.9mio over the course of 3 years of development. We know that as of December 2020, over 2mio copies of the game were sold, with November 2020 being the best-selling month ever since its initial release in August 2019. This is where question 1) comes into play: how many of those 2 million copies were sold in 2019 and how many in 2020? Stay tuned, I think I found out.

We know that Remedy gets to keep 45% of the revenue, which, I assumed, means that 505 keeps the remaining 55% (probably a lot more going on there but shhh). We know that Control’s sales cooked up €17.84mio in 2019 (so months September – December), €17.7mio of those in the first month alone (O.O). Side note: because it came out at the very end of August, I’ll ignore that month and declare September the first sales month.

We know that 60% of sales in 2019 were digital ones (aka Epic Store, mostly), 40% physical ones (consoles PS4 and XB1), while in 2020, only 10% of sales were physical and a whopping 90% digital; which is people on Epic who wanted to get their hands on the first DLC and – you guessed it – the Steam release of the Ultimate Edition in August 2020.

Which begs question 2): what’s bigger, 60% of 2019 sales because ‘ooh shiny new game’, or 90% of 2020 sales because ‘yay steam release’? The answer may look obvious, but you have to take into account the dropping price, which I also researched for your pleasure and enjoyment.

For this I used a German website called idealo.de, which focuses on looking for the best deals for basically anything you can buy on the internet, and it also gives you diagrams that describe at which point in time the product was at which exact price. This is what it gave me: - release price: €60 - December 2019: €41 (PS4)/€44 (XB1) - mid-2020: €30 - Ultimate Edition release: €30 - December 2020: €14 (PS4)/€18 (XB1)/€30 (Ultimate Editions) At this point I was like “lol hold on i need chocolate for this cuz i’ll be here for some time *sweating*”

To continue this mess™, I see more questions: 3) How many employees does Remedy have, which positions do they work in and what are their salaries? 4) How many employees does 505 have, which positions and salaries do they have? 5) What’s the total revenue that Control has generated so far?

And also some more stuff like, are my numbers accurate, am I even grasping these concepts correctly, are there even more people involved or am I just trying to explain complete crap (yes) but let’s just ignore all of that shall we. At that point I went “oh shit what have i gotten myself into, this screen does not get my point across, i need pen and paper” and you know shit is gonna go DOWN when I do math on paper.

My paper math birthed the following calculation:

Following this up, we can calculate the end-of-2019 sales, if we set the price for September and October to €60, for November and December to approx. €45:

Now, you might notice that one of those numbers is big and the other is HUGE. Why might that be? Well...

- Covid19: everyone stayed at home and needed video games to play - More sale months of the year, naturally - dropping price: why get it for €60 when you can get it for 20 - Ultimate Edition: why buy it in June when you get more content in August aaaand... - it comes out on Steam.

With this in mind, let’s see what questions we can answer: 1) 661,110 copies in 2019; 1,338,889 copies in 2020 2) 60% digital sales in 2019 means 396,666 Epic copies; 90% digital sales in 2020 means 1,205,000 copies – most of it from Steam? Some of it? A good chunk? The bigger chunk? There’s no way of really knowing for sure but... you could read this into it. I definitely am. 3) Google told me Remedy had a little over 250 employees at the end of 2019... 4) ... and 505 has less than 100. I found no good sources for this, I think linkedin said 37, someone else said 50. I’ll just use the 50 figure, idk. No idea man. and for 5) I’ll contradict my point that the Steam release is what knocked the sales out of the park and assume that the number of sold copies stayed the same across all 12 months of 2020, which gives us this:

Ok and now we’re getting into the most dangerous of danger zones because I have no idea how companies or capitalism work, so for educated people™, the remaining calculations might read like a toddler wrote them; I apologize profusely and hereby present last night’s brain vomit:

As stated earlier, development took 3 years, but everyone wanted to get paid in 2020 as well so let’s use 4 years to find out the salaries, which is 48 months. Let’s assume the utopian idea that every employee on the line here gets the exact same amount of money (LOL ikr but shhhh, let’s live out our dirtiest equality fantasies for a second ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)). Which would mean...

And now without the Epic Deal™:

Quod erat demonstrandum. Remedy has been selling their souls to Epic for €350 a month since 2017. (I don’t mean this as maliciously as I’m making it sound, don’t worry xD)

OKAY SO, O B V I O U S L Y, I have not the slightest idea what on earth I’m talking about so read this like you’d read a good fanfiction. We don’t know the different salaries across the different positions (and genders HAH), we don’t know if other parties were involved, I’ve completely ignored the sum that Epic themselves get, I have ignored taxes, I don’t know if my numbers are accurate (they’re definitely not I mean 505 must have more employees than 50), if I made mistakes (yes), and also somewhere along the way I forgot to use the €26.9mio budget figure because, uuh, I have no idea where to use it, what it means, where did it come from, where did it go, cotton eye joe - but oh well, I’m not starting over, take it or leave it.

So... I can now officially say I have written hot steamy economics fic xD Man I put waaay too much time into this but damn was it fun. Good three-hour-deep-dive (two of them spent munching on chocolate half-asleep listening to psytrance to keep my brain twitchy). Real-life-theorizing. Fuck capitalism. Don’t do drugs. Pet a cat. Wear your mask. Call your grandparents.

If there’s typos in this I’m sorry but also I’m not, I can’t be bothered to proofread again lol. Goodnight imma catch up on the sleep I lost. Gotta love full moons

[addierose444]

Back to Campus: Spring 2021

It has been 10 long months since I last stepped foot on the Smith College campus (or out of my home state for that matter). I am now officially back! Hooray! As I said in a recent post, I was prioritized for early arrival due to my job in ResLife as a Community Advisor. As I only just got here and am far from being settled in, this post is mostly just about the process. Hopefully this year I will actually post a room tour of sorts! (Last year, I literally only posted a photo of my emptied out room).  

Back in mid-December, I signed up for an arrival slot (2:00 on Friday the 22nd of January). I was so excited about returning to campus that I started packing quite a while ago. To make the packing process easier in the future, I created an extensive packing list. To read my college essentials guide, click here. On Friday, my dad drove me to Smith. Before returning to campus, we stopped by the house of some family friends to grab the rest of my dorm essentials. Since Massachusetts considers my state (Vermont) high-risk, I wasn’t allowed to move directly into my spring housing. At this point in time, Massachusetts and Hawaii are the only states with low-risk status. 

My house, Parsons, has been using Discord for our virtual house community. You can read about the other apps I use in (remote) college here. As I was the first one on campus, I decided to keep my residents updated on the check-in and quarantine process. This was not part of my job in ResLife, but it definitely felt relevant to that work. Even though I am a returning student and in ResLife, I didn’t fully know what to expect and figured others would appreciate a student’s perspective. I was already planning on writing this blog post but decided to just compile my updates here. For starters, I didn’t see the need for a total rewrite. I also thought it would be a fun and different post style. Lastly, I think there is value in knowing what people are thinking in the moment rather than just reflectively. Note that my updates are written to my Parsons residents and weren’t edited to reflect the audience of this blog. I did add some additional images to this blog post, but most were also sent via Discord.

Friday @ 1:19

Parsons in real life! 

Friday @ 4:07

Just a quick update. I have moved into my quarantine location and thought I would let you all know a little more about the check-in process from a student's perspective. All official information can be found in an email titled "IMPORTANT ARRIVAL INFORMATION". You basically just enter the CC, present your OneCard (unless you are a new student in which case you will receive yours), follow the arrows, and do what you are told. The whole process is quick and easy. The COVID test is painless (you can feel it though) as the swab doesn't need to go super deep into your nose like with other tests. While I strongly advise showing up at your scheduled time, if you are a little bit early, you may be able to check-in anyway. (I checked-in about 20 minutes early without an issue). The only hiccup I had was that I got the wrong room key (my correct room number but for Park House). As it's hard to hear people with masks on, be sure to check the envelope containing your room key and bracelet before leaving the ResLife table (to avoid going around the CC for a second time like I had to). I think check-in will only get better and even going around twice was still very quick and easy. If you have concerns and would like to talk to me about them, feel free to send me an email or direct message me here on Discord. As for moving things into Parsons, it was exhausting as no one was allowed to help me. When you arrive at Parsons, someone (possibly me) should be there to greet you (and make sure you don't stay over an hour). (Some of you may also meet me in the CC as I will be helping distribute keys). See you soon! 

Friday @ 5:02

As for the quarantine location, I am currently quarantined in the Ellery Inn. The other location is the Fairfield Inn & Suites. You can get to either location by way of a free shuttle. (Your ticket is the bracelet you receive at check-in). Students sit far apart with masks, but I personally felt more comfortable having my dad drop me off at the hotel. It is also worth noting that both hotels are within walking distance. The bracelet is also important so that staff in the house know you are allowed to be there. (If you have approved guests (low-risk state), I think they also get bracelets). I haven't learned the whole color-coding system, but my bracelet is red and lists my Parsons and Ellery rooms. My quarantine room is actually really nice. I have a comfortable king-sized bed and my own bathroom. When you arrive you get a bag with a few snacks, water, activities from OSE, and general information (including the wifi password). I will keep you posted on the food situation as dinner is yet to arrive. I will momentarily post the menu that was in my welcome bag. Hopefully, these updates are somewhat helpful or interesting. Let me know if you have specific questions.  

Friday at 5:15

Still waiting on dinner (to be delivered before 7), but here are the aforementioned snacks.

Friday @ 5:34

Dinner! Will let you know how it is soon, but my roommate from last year has said "The chicken is very tender!". Basically what happens is the people delivering the food knock loudly on the door, announce "dinner" and leave paper bags outside your room. Breakfast for tomorrow was also delivered.

Friday @ 6:18

I was initially quite worried about the food situation (during quarantine) as I am a picky eater and didn't get to choose the meal. (It's all based on the food preference form). The first dinner was much better than I feared. The chicken had flavor, was tender, and was fully cooked. The greens were also tasty. The potatoes could have used some ketchup but were pretty good when eaten with the chicken. I don't really like beets, so I just ate a few to try them. They didn't have much flavor but were well cooked. As for the cookies, they had good flavor but were very hard. Overall, I was unnecessarily worried about the food situation but am definitely excited to get out of quarantine to pick my own food among other things.

Friday @ 6:26

Tomorrow's breakfast! Looks pretty good other than the fact I hate bananas. I am most excited about the vanilla soy milk. I just don't get why we get plastic bottled water at each meal.

Saturday @ 11:51

Lunch for day two in quarantine has arrived. Another gripe that I have is that we get a new full set of plastic silverware at each meal. It's the compostable kind, but I don't think it's going to be composted. So far quarantine is boring, but not that bad. There is a TV in the room with cable and Roku. Make sure you pack your quarantine bag carefully as you cannot leave your room until you get an official release email from ResLife. The rooms (at least mine) have a mini-fridge, so if you have food or medications that require refrigeration, not to worry. We got an email today saying that we will be released on Monday at the latest. I initially had the impression we'd get out on Sunday and yesterday it sounded like we may get out today. I am obviously hoping to get out sooner rather than later, but I'll just have to wait and see.

Saturday @ 5:57

Dinner day two. Even though I have been busy with a French essay, I am definitely getting restless here in quarantine.

Saturday @ 6:38

Yesterday's dinner was better than today's, but this one wasn't too bad. The tortillas were dry, so the meal was better and less messy without them. My main critique is that while the beef had good flavor, it was tough. I also think yesterday's greens were a little bit better. Here's what I got for tomorrow's breakfast. I am hoping to be released from quarantine tomorrow, but it could be as late as Monday. Quarantine releases are at noon or 4 pm.

Sunday @ 9:15

I passed my initial COVID screening! (Still waiting on my official release email from ResLife). Just for a reference point, I took my test a little before 2 pm on Friday and got the results email at around 11 last night. (Basically, you get an email letting you know that the lab results are available and are given a registration code to set up your account).

Sunday @ 11:45

Well, I am still in quarantine, but at least lunch has arrived. Noon is fast approaching, so I might not be getting released until 4.

Sunday @ 12:33

I finally received the official release email from ResLife!!! I can leave as soon as 1 pm and must be moved out by 4 pm. Like with arrival, there are shuttles every half hour. Starting tonight I will be ordering my food through the Grubhub app and picking it up myself. I also have another COVID test scheduled for tomorrow.

Sunday @ 1:17

I am officially back at Parsons! (I decided to walk instead of taking the shuttle). Feel free to continue asking questions, but I think this is the end of my arrival updates. See you soon!

[spaceytingz]

1 year of my last.fm!

A year ago, on 20th of May 2019, I learned of last.fm from some peeps at a Carly Rae Jepsen Discord I joined because she had released her new album a few days ago and I wanted to discuss it with other fans. I’m a bit of a stats nerd, so it was really exciting seeing, like, analytics of the music I was listening to during the past year, and, now that I’ve hit the first important milestone, I’m doing this post so I can compile my observations!

Content:

General Stats

Month Recaps

Some observations

General Stats:

Total scrobbles (listens) :  33302 (Assuming an average 3 minute song length, this is 1665 hours, which is 69 days of music (nice). However, if we give 8 hours for sleep every day, that’s 104 days of music and sleep, which conveniently matches the duration of a summer vacation. Nice. This is 91 songs a day, AKA around 4.5 hours of music a day.)

Top 15 artists:

Carly Rae Jepsen - 6469 scrobbles (One fifth of all songs listened, around 323.45 total hours, which means around 53 minutes a day)

Ke$ha -  2150 scrobbles (around 107.5 total hours, which means around 17 minutes a day)

Marina & The Diamonds (I am gonna be referring to her as that because we don’t claim L+F) -  1741 scrobbles (around 87 total hours, which means around 14.5 minutes a day)

Taylor Swift - 1620 scrobbles (around 81 total hours, which means around 13.35 minutes a day)

P!nk - 1218 scrobbles (around 61 total hours, which means around 10 minutes a day)

Lorde - 968 scrobbles (around 48.5 total hours, which means around 8 minutes a day)

Tessa Violet - 697 scrobbles (around 35 total hours, which means around 6 minutes a day)

Tove Lo - 692 scrobbles (around 34.5 total hours, which means around 6 minutes 5.8 day)

Britney Spears - 684 scrobbles (around 34.2 total hours, which means around 5.6 minutes a day)

Halsey - 646 scrobbles (around 32 total hours, which means around 5.3 minutes a day)

Charli XCX - 588 scrobbles (around 29.5 total hours, which means around 4.8 minutes a day)

Kim Petras - 577 scrobbles (around 29 total hours, which means around 4.7 minutes a day)

Dua Lipa - 529 scrobbles (around 26.5 total hours, which means around 4.3 minutes a day)

Meghan Trainor - 492 scrobbles (around 24.6 total hours, which means around 4 minutes a day)

Ariana Grande - 485 scrobbles (around 24.25 total hours, which means around 4 minutes a day)

Top 15 albums:

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (1887 scrobbles, AKA around 94 hours)  - Probably my favorite album ever.

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (1740 scrobbles, AKA around 87 hours) - A chill album that I really like!

Emotion: Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen (923 scrobbles, AKA around 46 hours) - A collection of B-Sides that is better than other people’s main material and its parent album

High Road by Kesha (792 scrobbles, AKA almost 40 hours) - THE PARTY ALBUM OF THE YEAR

Melodrama by Lorde (642 scrobbles, AKA around 32 hours) - Masterpiece

Kiss by Carly Rae Jepsen (642 scrobbles, AKA around 32 hours) - To be fair, all my streams from Kiss have been streams of its good songs, which are, like, 60% of the album

Electra Heart by Marina & The Diamonds (585 scrobbles, AKA around 29 hours) - An amazing concept album

reputation by Taylor Swift (476 scrobbles, AKA almost 24 hours) - I love the energy of this album

Bad Ideas by Tessa Violet (473 scrobbles, AKA 23.5 hours) - Amazing.

FROOT by Marina & The Diamonds (454 scrobbles, AKA around 22.5 hours) - This album really grew on me. It’s almost as good as EH.

The Truth About Love by P!nk (408 scrobbles, AKA around 20.5 hours) - My favorite P!nk album, filled with bops.

Manic by Halsey (407 scrobbles, AKA around 20.5 hours) - It has high highs and very low lows.

Animal by Kesha (396 scrobbles, AKA almost 20 hours) - Incredible

Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa (373 scrobbles, AKA around 18.5 hours) - Very consistent and very good.

Sunshine Kitty by Tove Lo (358 scrobbles, AKA almost 18 hours) - Filled with bops.

Top 15 tracks:

Happy Not Knowing by Carly Rae Jepsen - Carly’s songs are usually growers for me - I don’t like them immediately, but when they grow on me, I love them passionately for a very long time. Happy Not Knowing was an exception. It was the song that I fell in love with on my first listen of Dedicated. It’s my second favorite on the album, after Too Much, but it turns out that it managed to beat it, even if Too Much has an MV. Good for it. Also, my aro ass can very much relate to the sentiment (even if Carly’s doing this to not hurt herself, I can very much Frankenstein this into an aromantic song, thank you very much) - (294 scrobbles)

Too Much by Carly Rae Jepsen - This song might as well have been called “Carly Rae Jepsen violently comes for Tumblr user @ravenclawer‘s ass”. I adore it, the MV is amazing, and it’s one of my favorite songs ever. - (277 scrobbles)

Your Type by Carly Rae Jepsen - I have called this song a song that can turn an aroace into a girl desperate for love for a period of 4 minutes and I stand by my word. My favorite CRJ song ever. - (251 scrobbles)

Want You In My Room by Carly Rae Jepsen - This song is so fun. - (217 scrobbles)

Let’s Get Lost by Carly Rae Jepsen - Let’s Get Lost is pure joy. I honestly think it’s a perfect pop song, and I could go as far as call it a quintessential Carly song. Like, one of the biggest advantages Carly has over many other artists in my eyes is the fact that her singing is so full of emotion - of joy, sorrow, pity. And this song showcases that well. My face literally lights up every time I hear it. - (206 scrobbles)

I’ll Be Your Girl by Carly Rae Jepsen - One of my faves on Dedicated. I love the pettiness behind it. To be frank, I was sleeping on this song until I saw fanart about it, and that fanart made the song click in my head. - (194 scrobbles)

Cry by Carly Rae Jepsen - This song is incredible. One of my top 3 favorite CRJ songs. I can’t really describe it, but.... it’s Cry. I have literally seen people pray for Dedicated Side B to have a “Cry”. It’s Cry, and that’s enough of an explanation. - (184 scrobbles)

Now That I Found You by Carly Rae Jepsen - It’s fun! I love the MV, it makes me wanna dance! A nice song! I am perplexed over why I have listened so much to it, as I like every single song from #9 to #15 more than it, but hey, data doesn’t lie. Oh shit, it just got to the prechorus, I take it back, it’s amazing. - (179 scrobbles)

Party For One by Carly Rae Jepsen - Jepsies shit on this song, and this angers me. It’s a bop, the music video is iconic, and it’s classic Carly. I love it. - (177 scrobbles)

LA Hallucinations by Carly Rae Jepsen - THE MOST SLEPT ON SONG FROM EMOTION. THE MOMENT WHEN THE “PLANES I’M HOPPING CARDS I’M DROPPING” HITS, MY WIG IS INSTANTLY EVAPORATED AND I DIE ON THE SPOT. - (172 scrobbles)

Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jepsen - You know, this is also surprising, because I’m one of the three (3) CRJ stans that does not worship this song. Like, it’s amazing, but I can name 10 better song on Emotion only. But still, it’s amazing. LET’S RUN AWAAAYYY I’D RUN AWAY WITH YOUUUUU - (171 scrobbles)

Fever by Carly Rae Jepsen - You have not lived until you have shouted this song at the top of your lungs while biking in the countryside. One of my three favorite songs from CRJ. The live performance is also amazing. - (154 scrobbles)

The One by Carly Rae Jepsen - This song finally fully clicked for me in August, and, Jesus, this song is truly one of her best. IF YOU WANT TO, YOU COULD HOLD ME TIGHT, I DON’T WANNA BE THE ONE - (152 scrobbles)

Cut To The Feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen - It’s Cut To The Feeling, come on, it’s literally one of the best pop, nah, best songs in history. - (150 scrobbles, however, if we count a certain cover, it jumps to #5 with 209 scrobbles)

Making The Most Of The Night by Carly Rae Jepsen - I remember first hearing this song and reading a comment that said “This song is literal pop perfection”. And, you know what? I’m inclined to agree. - (149 scrobbles)

ooookay, so that top 15 is super diverse, so I’m gonna do a second top 15 with the songs that are not from CRJ lol

17. Crush by Tessa Violet - This song is SO GOOD. It’s not special to me or anything, but it’s SO GOOD. - (134 scrobbles)

20. Delicate by Taylor Swift - One of my favorite songs of all time. It’s up there with “Your Type”, “Please Don’t Leave Me” and the others. - (114 scrobbles)

23. Tonight by Kesha - as a user on r/popheads described it: “THE TRASHY HOE ANTHEM OF THE YEAR” - (134 scrobbles)

24. Primadonna by Marina & The Diamonds - My mental state when I drink five cups of Coca Cola in a row and I get too happy about life. - (111 scrobbles)

25. So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings by Caroline Polachek - I wanted to dislike this song SO HARD, cause she just kept popping in my recommendations, but once I gave in.... a masterpiece. - (110 scrobbles)

27. Stay Over by Tove Lo - What is with me and desperate bops? Amazing, a masterpiece. - (108 scrobbles)

28. Physical by Dua Lipa - LET’S GET PHYSICAL MISS DUA! The MV is a masterpiece. - (108 scrobbles)

30. Supercut by Lorde - One of my favorite songs of all time. A bop, a masterpiece, the moment. - (105 scrobbles)

32. Liability by Lorde - The only song that has ever made me cry. - (100 scrobbles)

33. Talking Body by Tove Lo - A sexy bop. - (100 scrobbles)

38. You Need To Calm Down by Taylor Swift - It’s catchy, I like it - (98 scrobbles)

39. Don’t Start Now by Dua Lipa - DON’T SHOW UP - (97 scrobbles)

45. Convenient by Lo Lo - This song is so bitchy, it captures the exact kind of energy I’m striving towards. Masterpiece. - (89 scrobbles)

46. Between You & Me by Betty Who - A bop I discovered in summer! Amazing! - (87 scrobbles)

48. Green Light by Lorde - I’M WAITING FOR IT! THAT GREEN LIGHT! I WANT IT! - (87 scrobbles)

some fun stats (for me):

Top Artists:

CRJ has more scrobbles than #2, #3, and #4 combined and if she had a couple hundred more, we could add #5 to the equation.

I’m honestly surprised Halsey and Charli XCX even made it to the top 15, considering I don’t think of myself as a fan of them.

Britney at #9 is a welcome surprise.

It’s very curious to me how I have listened more to Meghan Trainor than Ariana Grande

Also, the small gaps after #7 are really funny. Like the gaps in #1 - #6 are in the hundreds, and the gaps in #7 to #15 happen to be something like 15 scrobbles lol

Top Albums:

I didn’t expect Electra Heart that high, but good for her

I am pretty sure I listened to reputation enough to help TS get to #5 of my Top Artists.

Just Emotion’s scrobbles would have been enough to get CRJ to #2

Top Tracks:

40% (6) of the top 15 all-time tracks are from Dedicated, 33% (5) are from Emotion, and the rest 27% (4) are from Emotion Side B (if we count Cut To The Feeling)

60% of the top 10 all time tracks are from Dedicated, 30% are from Emotion and 10% are from Emotion: Side B

Month Recap:

I will be treating the statistics like charts cause it’s fun lol

May 2019:

May 2019 in one sentence: Carly Rae Fucking Jepsen.

Top Artists:

Carly Rae Jepsen (404 scrobbles, AKA around 20 hours, AKA 2 hours a day) - CRJ released her new album a few days before I started my last.fm, so I was obviously listening to her a lot.

Sara Bareilles (65 scrobbles, AKA around 3 hours) - I was just discovering her hit songs.

Ke$ha (36 scrobbles)

Paramore (34 scrobbles)

P!nk (30 scrobbles)

Top Albums:

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (184 scrobbles, AKA around 9 hours, so probably one listen of the album a day) - It just came out, and I am a slut for CRJ.

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (64 scrobbles, AKA around 3 hours)

Emotion Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen (63 scrobbles)

Kaleidoscope Heart by Sara Bareilles  (29 scrobbles solely from Gotta Get Over You)

Kiss by Carly Rae Jepsen (27 scrobbles)

Top Tracks:

Want You In My Room By Carly Rae Jepsen (37 scrobbles) - You know, I’m kinda surprised it’s on top, since it’s not in my top 3 in Dedicated, but, to be fair, I probably listened to my top 3 a lot in the three days the album was out and I didn’t have last.fm. A bop.

Too Much by Carly Rae Jepsen (33 scrobbles) - My favorite song on the album. Legendary.

Gonna Get Over You by Sara Bareilles (29 scrobbles) - I had forgotten exactly how much of a bop this song was. I discovered it around the time I set up my last.fm.

LA Hallucinations by Carly Rae Jepsen (21 scrobbles) - One of my faves on Emotion. Deserved much better.

The Sound by Carly Rae Jepsen (19 scrobbles) - You know, this is kinda surprising, cause The Sound isn’t one of my faves, but, hey, it’s a bop.

As there were only 10 days of tracking, there is less material. On to the first full month of tracking!

June 2019:

Top Artists:

Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (990 scrobbles, almost 50 hours, so about an hour and 40 minutes a day) - Miss Carly Rae Jepsen continued her dominance over my ears and my heart during June. As she should. 

P!nk (+3) (245 scrobbles, around 12 hours) - P!nk was my favorite artist of all time until 2019, and now shares that title with CRJ and Kesha. Dunno what I listened from her during June yet, but she is very much a summer artist.

Kim Petras (+16) (107 scrobbles, around 5 hours) - Kim Petras has bops, and released her debut album in late June, so I listened to quite a bit.

Taylor Swift (+33) (95 scrobbles)

Ke$ha (-2) (90 scrobbles) - Love her

Top Albums: (Carly Rae Jepsen Dominating My Life Part 2)

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (+1) (303 scrobbles, aka 15 hours) - Oh, wow, Emotion managed to outperform Dedicated? Surprising, but, to be fair, this album is timeless and it has so many bops, I adore it.

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (230 scrobbles, aka 11.5 hours) - Dedicated is very much a spring album in my eyes, so as summer gets closer and closer, it seems to give some place to Emotion. I remember being really obsessed with Want You In My Room in June.

Emotion Side B (=) by Carly Rae Jepsen (164 scrobbles, aka 8 hours)

Kiss by Carly Rae Jepsen (+2) (63 scrobbles, aka 3 hours)

The Truth About Love by P!nk (+23) (54 scrobbles)

Top Tracks:

Too Much by Carly Rae Jepsen (+1) (48 scrobbles, AKA around 1.6 times a day) - I mean, are we surprised.

Want You In My Room by Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (46 scrobbles)

Cry by Carly Rae Jepsen (+7) (44 scrobbles)

You Need To Calm Down by Taylor Swift (debut) (41 scrobbles) - I was obsessed with this song when it came out. Don’t know why people don’t like it.

Happy Not Knowing by Carly Rae Jepsen (+1) (36 scrobbles) - The first appearance of what will eventually become my top track of the year.

July 2019:

July was the month of my internship and my sea vacation. I love July.

Top Artists:

Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (803 scrobbles, around 40 hours, so about an hour and 20 minutes a day) - Third month in a row!

Taylor Swift (+2) (245 scrobbles, around 12 hours) - I actually don’t remember what I was listening to from her during July, we’ll get to that in the Top Tracks section.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (+8) (119 scrobbles, around 6 hours)

P!nk (-2) (118 scrobbles) - I always listen to P!nk when I’m on a sea vacation, it’s rules. Like, I associate Funhouse with the amusement parks near the sea.

Ke$ha (=) (106 scrobbles, around 5 hours)

Top Albums: (Carly Rae Jepsen Dominating My Life Part 3)

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (229 scrobbles, aka 11.5 hours)

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (226 scrobbles, aka 11 hours) - Dedicated out there giving Emotion a run for its money.

reputation by Taylor Swift (+12) (127 scrobbles, around 6 hours)

Emotion Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (85 scrobbles, aka 4 hours)

Kiss by Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (74 scrobbles, around 3.5 hours)

Top Tracks:

In My Bed by Sabrina Carpenter (debut) (41 scrobbles, aka 1.3 times a day) - Wow, Carly has finally been dethroned on one chart! I remember discovering the MV for this song in July and really enjoying it. It’s a bop!

Too Much by Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (38 scrobbles, aka 1.3 times a day) - Too Much ain’t going nowhere for a third month straight.

Now That I Found You by Carly Rae Jepsen (+54) / Your Type by Carly Rae Jepsen (+4) / I Did Something Bad by Taylor Swift (debut) (I had just discovered this song, and god, it’s amazing) (33 scrobbles, aka around 1 time a day)

Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jepsen (+30) (31 scrobbles)

Between You And Me by Betty Who (debut) (This song is so summery, I adore it!) / Right Words Wrong Time by Carly Rae Jepsen (+106) (29 scrobbles)

August 2019:

I spent half the month biking in the German countryside, singing my heart out to Carly lol

Top Artists:

Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (544 scrobbles, around 27 hours, so about an hour a day) - Third month in a row!

Taylor Swift (=) (156 scrobbles, around 8 hours) - Her new album came out in late August, so I listened to it a bit.

Katy Perry (+6) (59 scrobbles, around 3 hours)

P!nk (=) (51 scrobbles)

Ariana Grande (+6) (48 scrobbles, around 2.5 hours)

Top Albums:

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (140 scrobbles, aka 7 hours)

Emotion Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen (+2) (125 scrobbles, aka 6 hours) - August 2019 was the moment Emotion Side B fuly clicked for me. Fever and The One got promoted to masterpiece level in my mind. Also, Side B is such an August album. I adore it.

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (85 scrobbles, aka 4.5 hours)

Lover by Taylor Swift (debut) (78 scrobbles, around 4 hours)

Kiss by Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (72 scrobbles, aka 3.5 hours)

Top Tracks:

Fever by Carly Rae Jepsen (+19) (THE MOST MEMORABLE SONG FROM AUGUST, YOU HAVE NOT LIVED UNTIL YOU HAVE SCREAMED “SO I STOOOOLE YOUR BIKE” WHILE RIDING A BIKE WHILE THE AUGUST SUN SETS AND THE SKY IS PINK) / Happy Not Knowing by Carly Rae Jepsen / Small Talk by Katy Perry (26 scrobbles, around 1 time a day)

Too Much by Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (25 scrobbles)

Party For One by Carly Rae Jepsen (+8) (24 scrobbles)

Queen Of Mean by Sarah Jeffrey (debut) (23 scrobbles)

I’ll Be Your Girl by Carly Rae Jepsen (+36) / Your Type by Carly Rae Jepsen (-2) (this particular song hits really different in August) (22 scrobbles)

September 2019:

Summer dies and I go back to school.

Top Artists:

Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (398 scrobbles, around 20 hours) - CRJ really said “y’all ain’t taking my spot on the top artists chart”

Marina & The Diamonds (+31) (107 scrobbles, around 5 hours)

Taylor Swift (-1) (103 scrobbles)

P!nk (=) (76 scrobbles) - P!nk is #4 for the third month in a row lol

Britney Spears (+1) (64 scrobbles)

Top Albums:

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (+2) (141 scrobbles, around 7 hours) - As summer dies down, Dedicated manages to outperform Emotion for the first time since the month of its release. Good for her.

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (87 scrobbles, aka 4.5 hours)

Electra Heart by Marina & The Diamonds (reenter) (74 scrobbles, aka around 3.6 hours)

Lover by Taylor Swift (=) (36 scrobbles)

Emotion Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen (-3) (30 scrobbles)

Top Tracks: (AKA Marina and Lana teaming up to finally kick CRJ out of the top 2)

Doin’ Time by Lana Del Rey (debut) (31 scrobbles) - This is such a September song, it’s amazing.

Starring Role by Marina & The Diamonds (debut) (29 scrobbles) - This was around the time I realised this song is actually a masterpiece. Fuck me up, Marina.

Want You In My Room by Carly Rae Jepsen (+73) (28 scrobbles) - The MV came out in September, and I, naturally, adored it.

Obsessed by Mariah Carey (debut) (26 scrobbles) - I discovered the MV on Youtube and it was and still is, a bop.

Happy Not Knowing by Carly Rae Jepsen (-4) (25 scrobbles)

October 2019:

My biggest memories from this month: Discovering Melodrama and Bad Ideas. (Also Body Talk by Robyn)

Top Artists:

Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (420 scrobbles, around 21 hours)

Taylor Swift (+1) (252 scrobbles, around 12.5 hours) - I’m calling it: this is from my autumn listens of reputation + the song Red

Lorde (debut) (214 scrobbles)

Marina & The Diamonds (-2) (151 scrobbles)

P!nk (-1) (127 scrobbles)

Top Albums:

Melodrama by Lorde (debut) (200 scrobbles AKA around 10 hours) - Carly finally gets kicked out of the first place by a masterpiece of an album. Discovering Melodrama in autumn was a fucking experience. A masterpiece.

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (196 scrobbles AKA around 10 hours) - It’s amusing to me exactly how close the two are lol

Bad Ideas by Tessa Violet (debut) (100 scrobbles, AKA around 5 hours) - I adore this album.

Turn Off The Light by Kim Petras (debut) (88 scrobbles, AKA around 4.5 hours) - I mean, it’s the Halloween month, you expect me not to listen to it?

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (-4) (79 scrobbles, AKA around 4 hours)

Top Tracks: In a shocking turn of events, CRJ is completely kicked out of the top 5. Autumn sadness (or, dare I say, melodrama)’s impact.

Graveyard by Halsey (debut) (42 scrobbles) - A bop. I also really liked the summer-autumnish aesthetics in the MV.

Supercut by Lorde (debut) (40 scrobbles) - Masterpiece.

Liability by Lorde (debut) (39 scrobbles) - When I listened to it for the first time, I cried. I never cry.

Do You Miss Me At All by Bridgit Mendler (debut)/ Clementine by Halsey (debut) (Ugh, this and Graveyard’s aesthetics. Me love it.) (35 scrobbles)

Red by Taylor Swift (debut) (34 scrobbles) - An acquaintance had the nerve to say it’s better than Delicate, so I gave it a listen. Spoiler Alert: It’s not, but it’s a good song.

November 2019:

Warm autumn is gone. Seasonal depression.

Top Artists:

Tessa Violet (debut) (256 scrobbles, AKA almost 13 hours) - And so, the artist who has the honor to end CRJ’s 6 month streak at #1 is revealed. I love Tessa. I continued to listen to her album in November, it’s amazing.

Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (248 scrobbles, AKA around 12.5 hours) - She ain’t giving up without a fight, your honor.

Lorde (=) (179 scrobbles, AKA 9 hours) - *screams in Melodrama*

P!nk (+1) (154 scrobbles, AKA 7.5 hours)

Britney Spears (+7) (126 scrobbles) - I think I was discovering Britney in autumn.

Top Albums:

Bad Ideas by Tessa Violet (+2) (179 scrobbles, AKA around 9 hours)

Melodrama by Lorde (-1) (178 scrobbles) - THE GAP addjajdasla

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (101 scrobbles)

The Truth About Love by P!nk (+4) (95 scrobbles)

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (72 scrobbles, AKA around 3.5 hours)

Top Tracks:

So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings by Caroline Polachek (debut) (62 scrobbles)

Don’t Start Now by Dua Lipa (debut) (54 scrobbles)

Haze by Tessa Violet (debut) (47 scrobbles)

Back To You by Selena Gomez (debut) (37 scrobbles)

Crush by Tessa Violet (debut) (34 scrobbles)

I feel like my variety of songs I get obsessed with shrinks as winter approaches. Or, you know, those five songs are that good.

December 2019:

*insert mental image of me desperately ignoring my final thesis project*]

Top Artists:

Carly Rae Jepsen (+1) (495 scrobbles, AKA around 25 hours) - Aaaand she’s back :)

Tove Lo (+43) (199 scrobbles, AKA 10 hours) - I think I discovered Sunshine Kitty around December, which was my introduction to Tove Lo after discovering Glad He’s Gone in the summer.

Tessa Violet (-2) (113 scrobbles, AKA around 5.5 hours)

Britney Spears (+1) (98 scrobbles) - It is most amusing to me how she keeps popping up in this chart, when I’ve never fully listened to an album of hers, and she doesn’t appear on the other two charts lol. Love her.

Taylor Swift (+1) (97 scrobbles)

Top Albums:

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (+4) (174 scrobbles, AKA around 8.5 hours) - Okay, I figured it out: Dedicated is a winter and spring album, Emotion is summer and autumn.

Sunshine Kitty by Tove Lo (debut) (170 scrobbles) - I discovered it that month, a solid album. Stay Over is my fave on it.

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (131 scrobbles)

Bad Ideas by Tessa Violet (-3) (75 scrobbles)

Emotion Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen (+14) (73 scrobbles)

Top Tracks: (wow, this top 5 is both diverse in terms of artists and immaculate in quality)

Happy Not Knowing by Carly Rae Jepsen (+117) (51 scrobbles) - Okay, so I’m pretty sure this is the point in which Happy Not Knowing began to gain on Too Much to eventually overthrow it as my most listened-to song.

Stay Over by Tove Lo (debut) (49 scrobbles) - I was and still am obsessed with this song.

Out Of Touch by Dove Cameron (debut) (41 scrobbles)

Crush by Tessa Violet (+1) (38 scrobbles)

Feeling of Falling by Cheat Codes feat. Kim Petras (debut) / I’m Fakin’ by Sabrina Carpenter (debut) (37 scrobbles)

January 2020:

I was in a trance between the middle of January and the middle of February. Music related things I remember: Listening to Selena Gomez’s singles and Halsey’s Manic in the beginning, being obsessed with Kesha’s new album High Road and Dua Lipa’s Physical at the end.

Top Artists:

Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (753 scrobbles, AKA around a whooping 37 hours, which is the highest scrobble rate since June and July lol)

Ke$ha (+10) (538 scrobbles, AKA 27 hours) - Her new album came out in the end of the month, I think she would have topped the chart if it was in the beginning lol

Halsey (debut) (291 scrobbles, AKA around 14.5 hours) - Her new album came out in the middle of the month. I enjoyed half of it, but that half was amazing.

Tove Lo (-3) (201 scrobbles, AKA around 10 hours)

Taylor Swift (=) (189 scrobbles) - I didn’t realise I listened to her that much lol

Top Albums:

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (+2) (301 scrobbles, AKA around 15 hours) - Emotion and/or Dedicated almost constantly beating new albums every month will never fail to amuse me

Manic by Halsey (debut) (249 scrobbles, AKA around 12.5 hours)

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (-2) (214 scrobbles, AKA around 10.5 hours)

Animal by Kesha (debut) (128 scrobbles, AKA around 6.5 hours) - OOH, I remember that, I was relistening to Animal to get ready for High Road. A great album.

Emotion Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (124 scrobbles, AKA around 12 hours)

Top Tracks: (This entire Top 5 outperforms every single song that has charted in the Top 5 yet, save for Caroline Polachek’s So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings, which is only outperformed by the Top 2)

Talking Body by Tove Lo (debut) (a WHOOPING 89 scrobbles, which is very close to 6 hours. This has to be a record) - I discovered this song in the beginning of the month, and gods, it makes me feel so empowered and cool. It’s amazing.

Lay All Your Love On Me by ABBA (debut) (Again, a WHOOPING 65 scrobbles, which I think beats every single #1 on the Top Tracks chart yet save for Talking Body) - I discovered this masterpiece on the second day of the new year, and, I don’t know, this song is so fitting for the timeless period in January. I can’t describe it, but it’s amazing.

You Should Be Sad by Halsey (debut) (59 scrobbles) - Such a nice song, I love the MV too.

True Romance by Ashley Tisdale (debut) (58 scrobbles) - I discovered this song along with the top 2 on this chart and it’s amazing, I love it.

Cut To The Feeling by Elijah Mann (debut) (this CRJ cover is probably the best one I’ve heard yet. Amazing) / VIP by Kesha (debut) (54 scrobbles)

February 2020: The trance continues as I do the majority of the work on my thesis project in the last three weeks. As one does.

Top Artists:

Kesha (+1) (663 scrobbles, AKA around 33 hours) - Kesha joins Tessa Violet as the only artists who have managed to dethrone Carly on this chart. (Both of them were riding off the wave of their new albums which I adore)

Carly Rae Jepsen (-1) (564 scrobbles, AKA around 28 hours)

Marina & The Diamonds (+7) (256 scrobbles, AKA around 13 hours) - And so we enter the so called “Marina” period. When I discovered Marina in early 2019, I listened to her constantly from February to April, and then I slowly stopped listening to as much. I resonate most with her during these months.

Meghan Trainor (+2) (166 scrobbles, around 8 hours) - Meghan’s album came out on the 31st of January, along with Kesha’s, and, in a criminal offense to the entirety of the Internet, I am proud to announce I’m a casual Meghan fan. Don’t come at me.

Taylor Swift (=) (157 scrobbles, also third month in a row where she’s #5)

Top Albums:

High Road by Kesha (+6) (549 scrobbles, AKA around 27.5 hours) - High Road joins Melodrama and Bad Ideas as the only albums that have managed to dethrone CRJ’s Emotion and/or Dedicated on this chart. (With a gigantic lead, mind you)

Electra Heart by Marina & The Diamonds (+19) (143 scrobbles, AKA around 7 hours) - Aaaand Marina barely manages to outperform Emotion. Good for her!

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (-2) (142 scrobbles, AKA around 7 hours)

Emotion Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen (+1) (115 scrobbles)

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (-2) / Treat Myself by Meghan Trainor (debut) (106 scrobbles) - THE WAY Meghan’s album could barely tie CRJ’s third highest album on the chart lol

Top Tracks: We have some insane numbers again due to my self-isolation to work on the thesis project.

Let’s Be Friends by Carly Rae Jepsen (debut) (76 scrobbles) - Y’all can obviously see what a new CRJ song can do to me lol

Physical by Dua Lipa (debut) (64 scrobbles) - It’s a bop with an incredible video!

Tonight by Kesha (+13) (61 scrobbles) - BITCH WE’RE GOING OUT TONIGHT

Kinky (feat. Ke$ha) by Kesha (debut) (58 scrobbles) - Dare I say, iconic.

BFF (feat. Wrabel) by Kesha (debut) (57 scrobbles)

March 2020: I attempt to get my life together and a global pandemic says “bitch you thought”

Top Artists:

Marina & The Diamonds (+2) (627 scrobbles, AKA around 31.5 hours) - Marina’s power over me during “Marina season” is unmatched

Carly Rae Jepsen (=) (477 scrobbles, AKA around 24 hours)

Lo Lo (debut) (222 sctobbles, AKA around 11 hours) - Lo Lo is an indie artist, whose music I discovered during March. She’s amazing, I DM’d her on Instagram to tell her so and she responded!

Dua Lipa (+6) (196 scrobbles, AKA almost 10 hours) - Her album “Future Nostalgia” came out at the end of the month. Amazing.

Conan Gray (debut) (175 scrobbles) - ALERT! ALERT! A MALE HAS APPEARED! The public is shocked. Anyways, his album Kid Krow also came out in the middle of the month - amazing.

Top Albums: (first time CRJ is kicked out of the top 3, and, hell, even the Top 4)

FROOT by Marina & The Diamonds (+8) (236 scrobbles, AKA around 12 hours) - That month, FROOT finally fully clicked for me. An amazing project.

Sweater Collection by Lo Lo (debut) (186 scrobbles, AKA around 9 hours)

Electra Heart by Marina & The Diamonds (-1) (167 scrobbles, AKA around 8.5 hours)

Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa (debut) (157 scrobbles, AKA around 8 hours)

Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen (-2) (150 scrobbles, AKA around 7.5 hours)

Top Tracks:

Convenient by Lo Lo (debut) (a WHOOPING 88 SCROBBLES, only 1 scrobbles below Tove Lo’s Talking Body, which currently holds the record of the most scrobbled track in a month) - This song is fucking amazing.

You & Jennifer by Bülow (debut) (I discovered this from one of Conan Gray’s vlogs, they are very relaxing to watch. Amazing) / Can’t Pin Me Down by Marina (65 scrobbles)

Solitaire by Marina (debut) (62 scrobbles) - I can’t believe I used to find this song boring before March.

Yours by Lo Lo (debut) ( (56 scrobbles)

Femmebot (feat. Dorian Electra and Mykki Blanco) by Charli XCX (debut) (50 scrobbles)

April 2020: Bored.

Top Artists:

Carly Rae Jepsen (+1) (212 scrobbles, AKA around 10.5 hours) - The Presiding Angel Of Pop returns to the top for the first time since January. As she should.

Marina & The Diamonds (-1) (194 scrobbles, almost 10 hours)

Kylie Minogue (debut) (176 scrobbles) - I really got into some of her singles, and I also listened to her album Fever. Sadly, it wasn’t good, so the majority of the scrobbles are from the singles.

Dua Lipa (=) (155 scrobbles)

Kesha (+3) (154 scrobbles)

Top Albums:

Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa (+3) (141 scrobbles, AKA around 7 hours) - A great album, it was also my workout music.

Pure Heroine (Extended) by Lorde (debut) (110 scrobbles, AKA around 5.5 hours) - I discovered this album in April and, Lord (e), it really is as good as Melodrama.

Fever by Kylie Minogue (debut) (85 scrobbles)

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (+2) (69 scrobbles (ayyy))

Pang by Caroline Polachek (debut) (68 scrobbles) - I really got into some of the songs.

Top Tracks:

Fever by Kylie Minogue (debut) (52 scrobbles)

I Will Always Love You by Dolly Parton (debut) (50 scrobbles) - I discovered this song that month and Jesus, it’s so much better than Whitney’s version.

Levitating by Dua Lipa (debut) (41 scrobbles)

XS by Rina Sawayama (debut) ( (38 scrobbles)

Cool by Dua Lipa (debut) (35 scrobbles)

May 2020: Spring approaches.

Top Artists:

Rina Sawayama (+3) (184 scrobbles, AKA around 9 hours)

Charli XCX (+28) (165 scrobbles, AKA around 8 hours)

Carly Rae Jepsen (-2) (162 scrobbles, AKA around 8 hours)

Kesha (+1) (130 scrobbles, AKA around 6.5 hours)

Lorde (+1) (127 scrobbles, AKA around 6.5 hours)

Top Albums: (this is the first month in which Emotion and Emotion Side B are dropkicked into oblivion out of the Top 40 lol)

Sawayama by Rina Sawayama (+27)  (182 scrobbles, AKA around 9 hours) - Okay, so, after having r/popheads scream at me indirectly and after getting obsessed with XS, I finally gave this a listen and, man, this is such a stellar record.

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (+2)  (85 scrobbles, AKA around 4 hours) - I discovered Dedicated’s true calling as soundtrack while cooking. Amazing.

Pop 2 by Charli XCX (debut)  (74 scrobbles) - You know, the irony here is that I dislike, like, 60% of the album. Like, these scrobbles are solely from Track 10, Backseat, Out Of My Head and Femmebot.

Pure Heroine (Extended) by Lorde (-2)  (70 scrobbles) - Because it’s spring and we’re in a pandemic and I’m 19 and I’m on fire

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? by Billie Eilish (debut) (44 scrobbles) - I first listened to this album when it came out and I found it boring. Then, I participated in a rate on r/popheads which made me do a relisten, and this album is actually really solid!

Top Tracks:

Track 10 by Charli XCX (debut)  (48 scrobbles) - I am not a Charli XCX fan. Like, I feel like a big part of her experimental tracks drop the ball. This, however? This is a masterpiece.

Queen Of Disaster by Lana Del Rey (debut)  (42 scrobbles) - I heard this song from Tiktok lol. First unreleased song on the chart!

Bad Friend by Rina Sawayama (debut) (28 scrobbles) - I do not want to comment on the ways miss Sawayama brutally called me out in this song.

Dead Horse by Hayley Williams (debut) (27 scrobbles) - A bop.

XS by Rina Sawayama (-1)  (25 scrobbles)

Some Observations:

Carly Rae Jepsen has spent 9 months on top of the Top Artists chart.

There has been a CRJ album in the Top 5 Albums every single month, with Dedicated only being kicked out in March, and Emotion in April and May.

The only Top Albums yet: Emotion (4 months), Dedicated (3 months), Melodrama (1 month), Bad Ideas (1 month), High Road (1 month), FROOT (1 month), Future Nostalgia (1 month), Sawayama (1 month)

The only male artists that have appeared on the chart are Conan Gray as #5 on the Top Artists chart in March and Elijah Mann on the Top Tracks chart in January as #5

The lowest place CRJ has been kicked to in the Top Artists chart is #3.

The lowest place CRJ has been kicked to in the Top Albums chart is #5.

The songs with the most scrobbles on the monthly Top Tracks Chart: (also, just noticed #1 and #2′s artists have Lo in their names lol)

Talking Body by Tove Lo

 - 89 scrobbles in January (#1). That correlates to around 3 listens a day.

Convenient by Lo Lo

- 88 scrobbles in March (#1)

Let’s Be Friends by Carly Rae Jepsen

 (#1) - 76 scrobbles in February

Lay All Your Love On Me by ABBA

 (#2) - 65 scrobbles in January.

You & Jennifer by Bülow

 and 

Can’t Pin Me Down by Marina

 - 65 scrobbles in March, tied for #2 in March

The only artists who have managed to briefly dethrone CRJ on the Top Artists chart: (The longest wait between CRJ’s #1s is two months: she didn’t have the top spot in February and March)

Tessa Violet (after the release of her new album and by 8 scrobbles)

Kesha (after the release of her new album, and with a healthy lead of 99 scrobbles)

Marina & The Diamonds (out of nowhere, and with the biggest gap yet, with 150 scrobbles)

Rina Sawayama (by 20 scrobbles) / Charli XCX (by 3 scrobbles lol)

This was fun, I might edit in some more observations later!

[kaffeinic]

60 Question Tag Challenge!

I was challenged by @woo-for-woojin to answer all of these. To be fair, I challenged her first, but let’s not get into the details. Original post of questions by @roseyygf.

1: Selfie.

GAAAAAAAH I HATE THIS ALREADY SMH IM SO UGLY.

Lmao look at my fingers. What the hell is going on there?

2: What would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a joint decision, so I can’t say. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll want to have my own kids through childbirth. My family has a genetic disposition to difficulties during pregnancy. I might adopt.

3: Do you miss anyone?

A few people. Some of them I haven’t even met in person. I miss my BFF from school. I miss a few people online that I’ve fallen out of touch with. I’m always missing people. 😂

4: What are you looking forward to?

College, and moving out of my house. I’ve been itching to do both of these for years now.

5: Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@hoshithehamster, @woo-for-woojin, @a-toxic-galaxy, my BFF from school, and my older sister. Also, I swear, @hoshithehamster and I are literally are always TALKING IN CAPS LOCK BECAUSE WE ARE IDIOTS AND WE HAVE THE WEIRDEST, MOST FUN CONVERSATIONS EVER.

6: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Once I’ve gone all-in, yeah. When it’s a crush, not usually. I’m really slow to develop a crush on someone. Painfully slow lol. I’m cautious because I’ve been hurt by people in that regard a few times. One incident had me suicidal for a long time.

7: What was your life like last year?

Kind of the same? I didn’t have this blog open. If you had asked this regarding two years ago, I would have said that I wasn’t homeschooling, didn’t know how to play piano much, didn’t have this blog, and was very depressed because of my old schoolmates.

8: Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

YES! Whenever I feel stuck and know I have no control of a situation, I get frustrated and find a quiet place to cry.

9: Who did you last see in person?

I’m assuming this means out of my own household. The last person I saw was my older sister and her roommates, who I am really good friends with. One of them loves coffee as much as me and it’s great! I spent the night. That was over a month and a half ago lmao. Before that, I had gone on a date at a coffee shop.

10: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yeah. My family gets angry at me if I’m sad or angry about anything, so I hold it all in. It definitely has made life a bit harder. I make people angry when I won’t disclose my feelings to them. I just find it to be better to hold it. I have to be really comfortable with you and really love you if I’ll tell you that I’m sad/angry and why.

11: Are you listening to music right now?

Yeah. It’s Le Pire by Maître Gims. He’s a really great French singer.

12: What is something you want right now?

If this is concerning food, I’m in the mood for chicken right now lol. I need some protein. Aside from food, I’m wanting to get a pedal for my electric piano. I have no sustain and it ruins a lot of songs. 😂 It’s why I have my ko-fi open.

13: How do you feel right now?

Meh. I’m not feeling great. I have some issues with fainting. My blood pressure drops like a rock at times and I feel it coming on, if you know what I’m saying. It’s this kind of lethargic, sick feeling. I’m trying to drink a lot of water, just in case it’s about dehydration.

14: When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

When I last visited my favourite coffee shop. For those of you who read Caffeinic, Chan’s character design is a mix of his true personality and a barista at my café of choice. He always gives me a hug when I see him, and when I say good bye. 😊

15: Personality description?

For a quick description, I’d say that INFJ, which is my MBTI type, is really accurate for me. I’ll let one of my friends try to describe me. I’m bad at describing myself lol.

Okay, but my heart is combusting. This amazing hooman, I lob her so much!!!! One of my best friends for sure.

16: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

All the time. I’m sure you all have heard Fight Song by Rachel Platten, but that line where she says, “And all those things I didn't say // Wrecking balls inside my brain // I will scream them loud tonight // Can you hear my voice this time?” really resonates with me. It was that lyric that hooked me on this song.

17: Opinion on insecurities?

I think 90% of us have them. They are humbling, which can be good, but I urge you to know your worth. I’m such a hypocrite.

18: Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Not really. Not much has changed.

19: Have you ever been to New York?

No, but I’d love to visit! I’m from the west coast lol.

20: What is your favourite song at the moment?

Ramai by Delia & The Motans. I listen to a lot of different languages in music lol. I have no idea what any of it means, so if it’s inappropriate, I apologize.

21: Age and birthday.

Internationally, 18. May 3, 2001.

22: Description of crush.

I don’t think I have a crush???? Haha. There’s this really kind, pretty hot barista at the café who seems to like me but I’m avoiding relationships, so idk. He has green eyes and black, curly hair. He’s maybe 170-180cm, but I’m not entirely sure. He looks damn good in a button up, I... wow. 🥵

23: Fear(s)?

So many lmao. I’m afraid of some trivial things, like bugs and rollercoasters, but I’m also afraid of some different items, like never having a family of my own, or of not being able to achieve my dreams.

24: Height?

154(?)cm. About 5’1.”

25: Role model?

I don’t think I have one lmao. I just try to be the best person I can be. It’s a goal in life for me to be a truly good person.

26: Idol(s).

Aren’t Idols and Role Models pretty much the same thing..? 😂 To be general, I look up to those who have studied in medical school because I know it’s a rollercoaster of difficulties and debt. I applaud them.

27: Things I hate:

This could be a very long list. Let’s go:

Unnecessary rudeness/bullying

Being forced into things I don’t like and/or am afraid of doing

Being lied to

Being stolen from

Being thrown in awkward situations

Being denied my alone time

When people make a mess that I have to clean

When I cook for people and they don’t thank me. My face just scrunched in anger while I typed this one lmao.

Arrogant/egotistic people

So many more, but I’ll cut it off there. 😊

28: “I’ll love you if...”

OOF. There’s no specific thing someone could do. If you love me, I’ll love you. I don’t mean the “awe ily” kind of love. I mean the “I will keep you out of trouble and protect you and be around you only to enjoy your company because I love you” kind of love. True love. Not that artificial crap.

29: Favourite film(s)?

Room 1408 is really good haha. I also really liked A Simple Favour. I like a lot of movies lmao. Superhero movies are always good.

30: Favourite tv show(s)?

I watched a lot of Black Mirror before we got rid of Netflix. I watch Superstore and Brooklyn 99 like they’re the gospel. I’m always down for Gilmore Girls because it’s a classic. I often watch my old childhood shows like Danny Phantom.

31: 3 random facts.

I’m assuming you mean, “3 random facts about me” lol.

I play piano.

I read “too much.” Let’s be honest, is it even possible to read too much?

I write my own stories and songs all of the time.

32: Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Oof. My absolute closest friends are girls, but the majority of people I would consider my friends are male.

33: Something you want to learn.

Everything I can about medicine. I’m so interested in it, and I love the idea of fixing someone’s body. I’m fascinated by the weird and/or nasty things about our bodies. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird. I also wanna learn how to use a French press lmao.

34: Most embarrassing moment?

I had been selected to perform in a talent show a few years back for my old school and I got up there, face planting on the floor. Halfway through the song, I froze up and forgot the lyrics. I have never forgotten that.

35: Favourite subject?

Any form of science or Language Arts.

36: 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Become a doctor.

Write a song that someone can perform onstage.

Clock in my 10,000 hours in piano.

Extra: I want to learn violin so badly!

37: Favourite actor/actress?

Jennifer Aniston or Nicolas Cage probably. I don’t pay much attention to actors. I also love Jeremy Renner’s work!

38: Favourite comedian(s)?

Oh lord, this question was made for me. Randy Feltface, Samuel J. Conroe, TwoSet, Ross Lynch, and many, many more!

39: Favourite sport(s)?

Volleyball, baseball, and badminton. Low/no-contact sports lol.

40: Favourite memory?

I can’t think of a specific one, but my best memories are always those random, funny moments I have with friends. I don’t think I’m ever gonna forget when my friend and I named one of her plants for the first time. I made a plant family tree. Dear lord save my soul.

41: Relationship status?

Single~

42: Favourite book(s)?

THAT IS THE HARDEST QUESTION EVER! How can I be expected to answer this???? 😂 I don’t have a favourite.

43: Favourite song ever?

Is this q&a list crafted specifically for me to not be able to answer any of the questions? 😂 I don’t have one. It changes with time.

44: Age you get mistaken for?

People always think I’m younger than I am, but if they don’t, then they over shoot it. Most people think I’m 16, or as old as 20-22. It’s crazy lol.

45: How you found out about your idol.

I’m going to interpret this as how I found out about my ult bias, who is Chan from Stray Kids. I was surfing SoundCloud and found the 3racha page. There wasn’t much there, but I liked what they had recorded. From then, I saw some of their survival show and may have kind of fallen for Channie and his personality lmao. Whoops.

46: What my last text message says.

This is the one I got while I was answering this specific question. 😊

“I feel that. I do hate unrealistic stories or stories that go on to fast like. I want to read stories where I feel like the reader could be me and not some sort of perfect girl getting the attention of all the people and fell in love withing 3 seconds and marry. I know that there must be some drama and special things to keep the story going and that's OK but I really appreciate stories who are still based more on a normal life. And you really do a good job in writing normal life stories // And tbh no story made me as happy as your barista!Chan story. It really is something different and I love it.”

Idk if the sender would be okay with me sharing that it was them, so I just copied it lol. I truly do love the feedback I get from you guys! Thank you all so much~~!

47: Turn-ons?

I’m assuming - again - that you mean romantically? I’ve always liked someone who has a decent sense of humour. Whenever I see someone working hard at their job/studies, part of me finds it... sexy? Idk. I’m weird. Save me. 😂

48: Turn-offs?

Overconfidence is a big no-no. It’s annoying as well. I can’t stand someone who truly is an idiot. Nothing turns me off more than getting a text that’s barely legible with a million abbreviations. Speak to me like someone with a brain, please. Another big turn-off is someone who is just automatically very sexual. I’m not a super sexual person, and I don’t want to hang out with someone who has a one-track mind in that sense.

49: Where I want to be right now.

The café.

50: Favourite picture of your idol?

But... he’s so pretty? How??

Sorry. I do not own these gifs/photos of Chan~

51: Star sign?

Taurus..? Idk if that’s for horoscopes lol.

52: Something I’m talented at.

Mmmmmm idk. I’m pretty mundane. I read a lot. I really would love to say I’m talented at piano, but I just don’t think I’m there yet.

53: 5 things that make me happy.

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...” Sorry.

Classical music

The smell of an old book

Petrichor and/or rainstorms

Playing piano

The smell of coffee

54: Something that’s worrying me at the moment.

Everything?? 😂 I’m worried about affording college tuition at the moment. I’m a senior and it’s steadily approaching.

55: Tumblr friends?

I almost yeeted my phone across the room. This is my question. 😂

@hoshithehamster, my fellow plant mother. I think we are each other’s spirit animal lol. I love you more than you know~! As a side note: She’s model material, I swear! Soooooo pretty, inside and out!

@woo-for-woojin, the most adorable and thoughtful person ever?? Always a pleasure to speak to. She gives the coolest and cutest requests ever, I’m-

@a-toxic-galaxy, one of the first people who supported this blog. I love you so much! We both have gotten a little busy lately, but I hope we never fall out of touch.

@doubleknot42, I guess more of an acquaintance? I still really want to get to know her more. The content on her blog is amazing, I highly recommend.

@ethereal-chanracha, someone who I’ve just recently started talking to. We’ve learned so much about each other in such a short time and I already think she’s so awesome! If you’re down for a good conversation, hit her up.

@palemoonpersephone, a friend I made after writing a post about my experiences at school. She is one of the sweetest, most thoughtful and hardworking people I’ve ever met. She offered to be my friend if ever I need one, and I don’t regret it. 💕

56: Favourite food(s).

Homemade granola (I make it a lot.)

Salad (Don’t @ me. I really do enjoy salad. I’m much more of an herbivore. 😂)

Most types of Chinese chicken

This spicy noodle thing I think I invented?

Italian sandwiches

Any type of spicy chip (Takis, Hot Cheetos, etc...)

Plain white rice

Gochu jang flavoured chicken

Despite this list, know that I’m a very picky eater lol

57: Favourite animal(s).

Foxes

Doggos

CATS

White tigers

HEDGEHOGS OML

58: Description of my best friend.

Y’all probably know who this is, but...

Kind

Attentive

Smart

Pretty

Passionate

gOOFY (like me)

The best plant mother in existence??? Fight me.

Patient

Empathetic

And SO much more~~!

59: Why I joined tumblr?

Initially, just to find cool posts and like/reblog whatever I enjoyed. My main blog, @assainfj, is the same blog I started with lol. It’s now become a place for me to share my thoughts and my writing and to meet amazing hoomans.

60: Ask me anything you want.

YASSSSS PLEASE I love answering your questions~~~~~! Send in as many as you’d like!

~

I tag: @hoshithehamster • @a-toxic-galaxy • @palemoonpersephone • @doubleknot42 • @ethereal-chanracha & anyone else who wants to do this!

[thewritingstar]

98 that’s a lot of questions I wonder if you could answer them all 🤔🙃

*Deep sigh and putting my hands together* BOI IF YOU DON’T THINK I CAN ANSWER ALL THESE BITCHES!! YOU COME INTO MY ASK BOX AND TELL ME “i WONDER” HOE DON’T WONDER ANYMORE. 

don’t come for me like this anon.....here ya go. 

smh

i answered all of these and it took forever so yall better read this shit

enjoy bitch

--

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

-Mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

-both im a sugar addict

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

-bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

-prob either really quiet or really loud

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

-I hate soda

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

-I really like pastel and goth styles

7. earbuds or headphones?

-earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

-Both

9. favorite smell in the summer?

-Vanilla

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

-Flag Football (stealing the flags) and badminton

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

-dont really eat in the mornings but prob granola bar or left overs

12. name of your favorite playlist?

-Shower lol

13. lanyard or key ring?

-lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

-Sour gummi worms..that shit is CRACK

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

-Great Gatsby

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

-apple sauce or on one leg

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

-all black converse

18. ideal weather?

-warm and sunny

19. sleeping position?

-stomach, side, in a ball

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

-Laptop or phone

21. obsession from childhood?

-My little pony, littlest pet shop, Disney, elephants, Chinese food

22. role model?

-Tara Strong, Walt Disney, Francis Dominic 

23. strange habits?

-tugging my hair, biting my nails, wiggling on my heels like a penguin and going up stairs on all fours (when im home)

24. favorite crystal?

-answered

25. first song you remember hearing?

-American idiot- Green Day

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

-Eat 

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

-Eat

28. five songs to describe you?

-idk Cartoon theme songs lol

29. best way to bond with you?

-make me laugh or talk about disney

30. places that you find sacred?

-Flower gardens

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

-anything with my high heel boots

32. top five favorite vines?

-Road Work Ahead, Oh my god he on X Game mode, What the Fuck Richard, This house is fucking nightmare!, Happy one year babe! Im 27. 

33. most used phrase in your phone?

-YEET, Yall and bitch

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

-Stanley Steamer, The First5California.com song 

35. average time you fall asleep?

-now its 12 am -1 am... use to be like 10pm

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

-oh god that was so long ago i dont even know but it was one of the first ones like pepe or some some

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

-suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

-raspberry ice tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

-dont like lemon in my desserts 

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

-A condom was thrown on my desk in french class (it was unopened thank god)

41. last person you texted?

-my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

-Jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

-HOODIE

44. favorite scent for soap?

-Vanilla or tropical

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

-Superhero

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

-Big shirt and no shorts (underwear obvi)

47. favorite type of cheese?

-I fucking hate cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

-Strawberry or Lemon

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

-Its always fun to do the impossible- Walt Disney

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

-For my birthday my friend got my a “Sorry for your loss” card and i cried for 30 mins

51. current stresses?

-um everything..college and being the only snacc in my household

52. favorite font?

-comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

-Still have both of them

54. what did you learn from your first job?

-That people are assholes 

55. favorite fairy tale?

-Disneys Rapunzel 

56. favorite tradition?

- My grandma got all the grandkids pjs on Christmas eve every year and we would wear them to sleep 

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

-Anxiety, Depression (sorta), Dropping my churro on the ground at Disneyland

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

-Quick Wit, Art abilities?, Standing on my head and making weird ass noises

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

-Already answered

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

-A really cool and cute magical one!!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

-From Once Upon A Time, honestly they ave the best quotes. “So when I win your heart, Emma- and i will win it-it will not be because of any trickery, but because you want me”- Killian orrrrrrr He smells like forest”- Regina

62. seven characters you relate to?

-Juvia (FairyTail), Star (SVTFOE), Mabel (Gravity Falls), Maybec (Kingdom Keepers, sassy and artistic), Bubbles and Blossom (PPG) and Belle (beauty and the beast)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

-Boyfriend: BTR, Dancings��not a crime: Panic!, Bang bang: Jessie, Ari and Nicki, Read you, wrote you: Drag race lol and Busted from Phineas and Ferb because I can

64. favorite website from your childhood?

-Webkinz, PetPetPark (STILL SALTY ABOUT IT) Club Penguin, Build a bear, Poptropica, i played every game yall

65. any permanent scars?

-only emotionally 

66. favorite flower(s)?

-Roses and water lilies..and every flower cause they pretty.. oh Dahlias too

67. good luck charms?

-petting my dogs. 

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

-Mango anything or Cherry. I hate cherry flavoring. 

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

-I have a great memory so i usually remember how i learned it, but.. Did you know that the water on the Jungle Cruise in Disneyland is 3 feet deep and dyed brown? Plus the water in all the parks is a special mix that doesn't contain chlorine because alot of people are allergic so its safe to touch? (learn from a disney doc)

70. left or right handed?

-right

71. least favorite pattern?

-those ugly ones on leggings.

72. worst subject?

-Math or english (haha and i like to write)

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

-Grapes and teriyaki sauce. if they on the plate. ill just dip them in. I have an addiction to teriyaki sauce. 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

-I dont take any unless I have my period and my cramps are usually at a 10 so i try and take it when they at a 5

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

-when i was young 

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

-I LOVE potatos: Fries and mash are best plus baked. I HATE chips thou

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

-Any bright flower or ivy

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

-coffee, dont like sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

-AHHHH my license is soooooo bad. I had strips of red in my hair (got it when i was 15-16) and i didnt know they took your pic at your permit test. Its awful. School is def better and my senior photo pops. 

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

-Jewel

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

-Fireflys (arent they the same?)

82. pc or console?

-Console 

83. writing or drawing?

-Both but im better at writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

-Podcasts but I dont listen to alot. 

84. barbie or polly pocket?

-I played more with Littlest Pet Shop and My Little Pony lol (i have 400) prob Barbie thou

85. fairy tales or mythology?

-oooooooofffff cant decide

86. cookies or cupcakes?

-oooooff i love both but cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

-wasting my life away.....or heights...certain bugs

88. your greatest wish?

-to be happy and have all my dreams (life, job, romance,etc) happen. Plus going to every Disney Park in the world.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

-Depends on the situation but sometimes you need to take care of yourself before others. If you arent doing good, how the hell you suppose to take care of others. 

90. luckiest mistake?

-hmmm idk being born

91. boxes or bags?

-depends on what im carrying but prob bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

-I love fairy lights

93. nicknames?

-any mispronunciation of my name, Dean, Big D (yes people call me this), Star, Sassafras and some more that yall dont get to know :) You can give me a nickname if ya want

94. favorite season?

-Spring and Summer

95. favorite app on your phone?

-Tumblr, Snapchat, Tsum Tsum 

96. desktop background?

- Its items from super mario and mario kart

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

- Eight

98. favorite historical era?

-oof im a history buff but I do love Greek and Roman because I love mythology...Maybe even 1800s.

hi if you got to the end of this then I love you and for proof leave me a 🐰

[imagine-fight-write]

News & Cuteness after MIA + Fun Fact to Amaze People With

Also JOJO, because, of course.

I know, I’ve been MIA for months from Tumblr (Time is not my friend), but I am back!

I will definitely continue JOJO & Attack on Titan reactions - if you like those, please let me know.

Going to post about Jotaro’s change from black to white (clothing wise) & maybe about Banana Fish & another post about Fan Service.

Part of the reason I was MIA was because I went to Honduras in July. And it was great! One of the absolute best weeks of my life, while also sometimes terrifying. I will try to share pictures after I organize them.

The food was good, the weather lovely, everyone was friendly, and I only got bit by 1 mosquito.

I will explain why it was terrifying fun in a moment.

And no, it wasn’t terrifying because I was afraid of being murdered or attacked or anything like that. (I was at first) because Tegucigalpa, which I still can’t spell right (but I can say it), supposedly has one of the highest murder rates in the world. 

Or Honduras does. Or something.

But no! This is a lie.

As explained to me by one of my wonderful hosts, the high murder rate is because Honduras has 2 morgues (another word I can’t spell), and 1 is located in Tegucigalpa.

So the poor dead murdered people aren’t just from Tegucigalpa, but from surrounding villages and cities as well.

The reason this # gets tossed around a lot is because some people like to make other people look bad. Of course.

This is also what happened at some of the protests over there. Peaceful protests, except they got infiltrated by rioters.

Anyway, the reason why Honduras was terrifying-fun was because of 2 reasons:

1. The Roads (esp. in the mountains)

2. How Everyone Drives (motorcycles included)

No seriously, we had a conversation wondering what the death rate of motorcyclists is over there, because they zip around like there’s no tomorrow.

As for driving in the mountains . . .

I thought the roads were rough where I live, but no, I stand corrected. 

They are nothing compared to the mountain roads in Honduras.

The short answer is it’s like reading One Piece, and I love One Piece.

It’s hold on tight and get ready to bounce like you’re at a disco, because you’ll feel every rock and bump and pothole while you’re flying around a mountain on a dirt and rock road that twists and curves like a giant snake and is only one vehicle wide (this is why your brakes are important.)

Without a seatbelt. That luxury is reserved for the driver & front passenger. This is because:

Question: How many Hondurans can fit in a van?

Answer: One more.

*Note: This was a joke said by people who actually live in Honduras, so I’m going to assume it’s not offensive.

I think it’s a sweet philosophy regarding hitch-hiking where walking is common, and also making due with cramped circumstances.

And while you fly around curves without a care in the world, there’s a steep rock cliff on one side (often decorated by gorgeous flowers) and a lovely drop on the other (the views are spectacular, photos don’t do them justice.)

In Tegucigalpa proper it’s much the same, except you’re hemmed in by buildings on both sides, while you fly down streets, usually at a 45 degree angle and often wide enough for only one vehicle.

Like this, except cars & buses x 100.

(The above gif is from Lupin the Third by: Hayao Miyazaki. Great movie.)

Everything is vibrant and noisy and colorful. At cross-roads everyone pauses at stop signs before nudging and honking and pushing their way though, with motorcyclists popping up like ghosts and disappearing in a roar, just to keep your nerves awake.

I say terrifying, but actually, I was never in fear of getting into an accident. Despite everything.

It might have had something to do with how everyone was friendly and welcoming. They also have a cute etiquette with honking. 

2 short, quick honks means “Hello!” or “Thank you!” while a long blast is anger or annoyance.

[lucywithlupus]

“When my loved ones tell me the sparkle in my eyes are back, even if it’s for a day; and on that day, I feel. I feel the things that have been missing, things I didn’t even realize weren’t there anymore.”— Courtenay Ambrose Living with a rheumatoid condition means that you are pretty familiar with the rise and fall of your health. We would wish to always stay up, but sometimes, we fall, and we fall hard. Hospitalizations or a recovery period at home can be daunting, traumatic experiences. They make you realize how in one second, your health could be at risk. Whether it is for excess inflammation, a serious damage of your joints, bones or muscles, organ failure or an infection that your body cannot get rid by itself, there are plenty of possible scenarios where you are placed back in that hospital bed for a few days, only to be sent back home and told to take a few (or many) days off. And I will admit, those days are some of the saddest I have experienced in my life. Coming back home was like an explosion of emotions: anger, happiness, sadness, confusion, fear, etc. Knowing that I would have to take things slow was devastating to me since all I wanted was to finally wipe off all memories of me being in that hospital bed. But not all hope was lost, and, for the first time in so long, I can finally say that I am getting better, and I will continue to get better every day. In this post, we will talk about what can you do during those recovery days and how can you heal yourself in the best way possible. I carefully thought about the things I did during these last three weeks of recovery, and how each of them was either a step forward or backward. You are not alone, and we can put you on the right track to sweet, healthy freedom! Without further ado, here we go: How to get better after a long recovery break? Tip 1: Eat The first three tips that I have to involve the Big Three: Food, Water and Sleep. We all need them, we cannot survive without them, and, in most cases, they are the only three tools your body will need to make you feel better. When I came back to the hospital, I was still trying to listen to my body and what it asked me to do. It was super hard to eat again after almost two weeks of nausea and irregular appetite, so even choosing what to eat was an important daily task. I would constantly ask myself: "am I ok? what do I need?" Note that when you're sick, sometimes what you need and what you won't get mixed up. You may want to eat a tub of ice cream, but maybe that won't help in your healing process. Both what you crave and what you actually end up eating are important. Inform your doctor on both of these: your appetite patterns will always be a key hint of how your organs and metabolism are doing. Now, about nausea: no one likes it. But you have to get through it.Foods with a bland taste and some texture to them like crackers, popcorn and toast made for great post-hospital-food snacks, while also not making me want to throw up. Chewing your food rather than drinking it in soups or smoothies also makes your body fuller for longer. Don't be surprised if you eat more or less than you normally do: just follow what your body is telling you to do! The trick is to be aware of what you are eating, chose healthy things most of the time and treat yourself every so often. This is no time for a strict diet: change your eating patterns according to your mood and hunger levels! Tip 2: Drink water Water, water, water! Drink water, all day, every day, nonstop. Being properly hydrated is the only way your body is going to heal itself. So if that wasn't on your 2019 resolutions list, write it down now. You still have 11 months to achieve master levels of water intake. Another tip: make sure you have good hygiene. Sometimes, it is hard to understand for others, but I can't step into the shower without fearing death by slip. It was worse when my hand still had an intravenous treatment happening, and I needed to protect my hand from water at all times. Being clean and tidy at all times does not only make you feel fresh and clean, but it also makes you feel more motivated to make your day right. So wash your face, clean your teeth, change out of those PJs: make sure every morning, you are ready to step out that door, even though you know that you may not go anywhere. It's small tweaks like this that make a huge difference! Tip 3: Sleep and Rest    This should not come as a surprise to anyone, but sleep is probably what your body does more when its spending energy trying to heal you. Identify how does your body tells you it is tired and wants to sleep, and do not continue binge-watching Netflix just because you want to know what happens in the next episode. Sleep now. You'll thank me later. But obviously, you can't sleep all day. Resting other ways is just as important, but do rest mindfully. This is what I mean: you probably won't feel rested after that 45-minute Forntnite gameplay video, but probably you would by spending 10 minutes doing something else: listening to some music, coloring, playing an instrument, taking a walk. Surprisingly, I have found so many things that I can do to relax that I would not do before because I was too lazy to try them out! And for my fellow workaholics out there, understand that your body is not going to keep up with the same workload as before at first. That is perfectly normal and ok, and you should not feel guilty for that. If you really want to squeeze in some work,  just zigzag your way between breaks and work and eventually, things will get done. Tip 4: Know your limits This ties in nicely with what I was saying before. Coincidence, I don't think so! I understand that finally being free of nurses and doctors telling you do lay down and rest makes you want to do the exact opposite when no one is watching. But the truth of the matter is: if you don't stop yourself, your body will, using its own painful, unpleasant ways. Take your time to heal, that's why you are here in the first place! Accept the fact that you cannot go to work/school/ university or college right now because you put yourself and others at risk. Try to do some tasks, but make sure you prioritize health and rest for now. Plus, let me spill on you some truth: It is not your fault you are in this situation. It never was and never will be. String-theory-wise, there are so many possible realities where you are in the hospital for so many different reasons beyond your illness, like a car crash or an armed robbery. In these realities, no one would dare tell you it was your fault you got hurt, so why now? Why now blame yourself and actually sabotage your healing with bad thoughts? So every time you feel guilty, alone or weak, just think of your day and what you accomplished today. Today you got up, brushed your teeth, put on some clothes, took your meds, etc. Slowly but surely, these little victories will matter and push you forward.                Tip 5: Rebuild your space Imagine that you are a plane crash survivor, drifting in the ocean in a tiny lifesaving boat. Your house is like this boat:  it protects you, but you also spend a heck of a long time in it. So the logical thing to do would be to make sure this tiny boat has all the things you need to survive: a rain collector, a weapon for fishing, some good wifi, etc. In other words, make sure your house is equipped and cozy enough for you to survive the long wait. Bring important things near your bed for what I call "drop everything"  moments: basically, moments when you feel so bad, you just throw everything everywhere and toss yourself in bed, helpless and sad. Have essentials in your nightstand at all times: pills, water, thermometer, tissues, snacks, etc. These will save you during those "I can't get up" tragedies. Also, bring out things to keep you entertained throughout your stay. My room has never had so many books lying around. There are coloring pencils I haven't touched in so long which are now every day "grab and doodle" tool. I still cannot stay be separated from my headphones and fine tunes for long. You get the point. If you need something, do not be ashamed or afraid to ask for it. Call a friend, your parents, your family and let them know how they can help you! Tip 6: Try new things Imagine you are now at work or school, sitting in your desk, your mind wandering. These are the exact moments when you think: I could totally become a great dancer/ artist/ DJ/ chef if I had the time. I could totally start my own projects, read this book I want to read, learn more about this thing I love, etc. I could totally do all of those things, only if I had the time…. Well, knock knock, look who has arrived! Time has! This is the perfect time for you to try out all of the things you could not when you were too busy stuck in your routine. Do them now! Try some coloring, painting, yoga, that recipe you saw online but were too intimidated to do, that choreography that looked cool but challenging, that 1000-piece puzzle someone gave you but you just stashed away for another day. The world is your oyster, so go ahead! Tip 7: Have fun    What better way to spend your time than catching up with the people you love and maybe haven't seen in a while!Meet up with your friends, text them often if they are far away, call them a few times. Do not think that you are wasting their time: if they are your friend when they want to hear how you are doing, how your health is doing, etc. Make sure you are being honest: as cliché as it sounds, sometimes its ok not be ok, and those moments of sadness and worry is exactly what talking to others is for. It is super important to understand that not everything has to be about feeling sorry for yourself for being sick. Not every single activity of your daily need to revolve around your current illness. You have to find ways to distract yourself from the situation you are experiencing right now, otherwise, you will, as we Spanish speakers say, drown yourself in a glass of water. Sometimes, your problems seem bigger than what they truly are, and it is in those times where fun and games should arrive to cheer you up. So enjoy your home: watch some Netflix, play video games, watch funny youtube videos, play some music and dance, etc. Tip 8: Take care of yourself Sadly, not everything is fun and games, and you must find the balance between responsibility and perfectly normal laziness. Take your medications, call the doctor if they are not working properly or have weird symptoms. If possible, keep a record of how you feel each day, what your symptoms are, go to your checkups, etc. Know when your body cannot go further, but also challenge yourself every so often. When you listen to your mind and soul carefully, you being to be more honest with yourself, about what you can and can't achieve at certain times. You will be surprised at how, in the most unexpected moments, you will be able to get out of bed with no back pain, you will be able to go down those stairs with no fear of falling, you will be able to not feel sick for a whole day, then days, then weeks, and so on. Always question yourself: do I avoid this because I might get hurt or do I push myself to try to overcome it? Am I ready yet, mentally and physically, to take that step forward? Tip 9: Have faith Whichever religion you practice, or whichever believes you have on the universe and our existence, faith is a universal entity that will be the one to keep you going even in the hardest of times. Take a moment to meditate, pray or just reflect on what you did and what you can do for yourself today. Those moments are just as important as any doctor's appointment or medicine. They bring you a sense of peace and love that no other thing can give you. Always be thankful for what you are and what you have. Be thankful for both the good times and the not so good ones. Not many people keep up with what you do, so be thankful that you have the strength and wits to make it happen. Tip 10: Prepare yourself for life after your recovery Staying healthy ain't easy after a recovery, especially when reality slaps you in the face when you get back to your routine. Before you even step out, make sure your environment is prepared to welcome you back. Call your teachers, boss, or college professors to let them know where you have been and why you could not come back sooner. They will surely understand and help you to readjust to your old working habits. Take the time to reflect on your goals and what you truly wish to achieve in life. Talking to others about said goals makes it more likely for them to become a reality! Have clear and genuine care for your well being. Being back to your old life doesn't mean that you will put your health to the side after all that work to get better! Do not be ashamed or afraid to speak about what you went through, how you are doing and how can others help you to get back out there. Take it easy! Not everything will be perfect at first, and that doesn't surprise me! There may be a few slips here and there, but going slow and steady will always make you win the race in the end. Believe in yourself: you have overcome so much! Keep going! I believe in you! Aaand that's all for today, folks! Next week, we will move on again to Wednesday's "What is…?" post, and another lifestyle post for Saturday/ Sunday. Sorry for being late this week! I had so many things going on with university, checkups, seeing my friends, etc. I hope you still enjoyed the post and hopefully, some of it will help you survive your next recovery break- if it were to happen, always be ready! Take care of yourself! Love you! Bye! 

[angry-mango]

questions

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? smart, sweet, quiet

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? glass bottles, but if that’s not an option then soda cans

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? pastelpreppygoth

7. earbuds or headphones? headphones

8. movies or tv shows? tv shows

9. favorite smell in the summer? rain or vanilla

10. game you were best at in p.e.? tug of war

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? water real breakfast used to be like scrambled eggs w bread and orange juice

12. name of your favorite playlist? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

13. lanyard or key ring? i prefer key ring because it’s easier to put in a bag, but i love my lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? jolly ranchers or sweet tarts

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? number the stars - lois lawry

16. most comfortable position to sit in? knees to chest

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? high slipons (i have no idea what they’re called tbh)

18. ideal weather? gentle rain

19. sleeping position? side or stomach

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? here (tumblr)

21. obsession from childhood? owls or cheetah print omfg

22. role model? nobody, trying to be myself

23. strange habits? biting everything

24. favorite crystal? lapis lazuli

25. first song you remember hearing? a thousand miles - vanessa carlton

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? park or the falls (outdoor mall)

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? literally anything outdoors, i want to enjoy it

28. five songs to describe you? ive got a dark alley, sleep, disloyal order of water buffaloes, wilson (expensive mistakes), i don’t care

29. best way to bond with you? include me in things, make an effort to talk to me, try your best to sympathize with my many moods

30. places that you find sacred? hands, neck, downthere

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? silk japanese-ish jacket, black jeans, boots

32. top five favorite vines? a potato flew around my room before u came, u not my dad, NO!!, pReTtY CooL!!, sharkeisha no

33. most used phrase in your phone? sksks

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? target, this ford one from christmas

35. average time you fall asleep? 1 am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? doge

37. suitcase or duffel bag? suitcase

38. lemonade or tea? iced green tea - if not, then lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? lemon cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? my elementary went on lockdown once and we were trapped in the cafeteria and we heard the gunmans footsteps running on the roof, heard doors getting knocked down, couple gunshots but nobody got hurt

41. last person you texted? ollie

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? hoodie, although i’ve always wanted a bomber or leather

44. favorite scent for soap? pomegranate

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? sci-fi

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? baggy shirt & leggings

47. favorite type of cheese? american

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? cherry 🍒

49. what saying or quote do you live by? it’s always been “nothing lasts forever” - you might change that

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? the randomest shit you can come up with

51. current stresses? losing someone

52. favorite font? i think it’s georgia

53. what is the current state of your hands? soft, cold, kinda wrinkly smfh

54. what did you learn from your first job? n/a

55. favorite fairy tale? i don’t know

56. favorite tradition? don’t have any traditions, other than cooking every thanksgiving

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? surviving, fasting, dieting when i was on my deathbed

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i’m great at video games, i can hold my breath for like a minute, i’m loyal (is that a talent), and i have good control for certain things

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? it be like that

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? the only anime i’ve ever seen is voltron

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? i don’t know ive seen too many

62. seven characters you relate to? ronald weasley thats it

63. five songs that would play in your club? pet cheetah, the (after) life of the party, planetary (go!), young volcanoes, clocks

64. favorite website from your childhood? coolmathgames

65. any permanent scars? i don’t know if they’re permanent but things that have been there a handful of years, yes - mosquito bites (i’m a terrible healer) some cuts, and a scratch on my foot

66. favorite flower(s)? carnations, snapdragons, lilies

67. good luck charms? tahitian bracelet, bee necklace

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? coconut

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? how to absolutely slay at video games

70. left or right handed? right

71. least favorite pattern? zig zag only cuz it’s hard to draw

72. worst subject? social studies

73. favorite weird flavor combo? does spicy doritos inside sandwiches count

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? twelve (12)

75. when did you lose your first tooth? i have no idea but i think i was 4

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? chips (specifically lays)

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? never grown any plants indoors :(( i’ve always had pets that could potentially eat them and overprotective parents

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? i don’t like sushi so i’ll go with coffee even though i’ve never had it from a gas station what’s the big deal

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? my school id, dear god my license pic is absolutely horrible

80. earth tones or jewel tones? dark jewels

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? aren’t they the same thing- unless u mean what do i call them, then fireflies

82. pc or console? console

83. writing or drawing? writing

84. podcasts or talk radio? neither

84. barbie or polly pocket? polly pocket

85. fairy tales or mythology? mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes? cookies

87. your greatest fear? tornadoes

88. your greatest wish? you

89. who would you put before everyone else? ollie

90. luckiest mistake? dropping out of school (it’s complicated, but i’ve thought about it and decided it was)

91. boxes or bags? boxes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? sunlight and fairy lights

93. nicknames? aknee, angel

94. favorite season? winter

95. favorite app on your phone? messaging, tumblr, pocket camp

96. desktop background? my favorite sim

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? three

98. favorite historical era? ew history