#a lot of his music and projects you CAN find on his old soundcloud because he never wanted to make money from his solo music. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lavenderbexlatte · 4 years

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stray kids 2.6k words female reader insert FemDom!Reader x Sub!3RACHA mature

🖤 warnings: light degradation 🖤

Series Masterlist (Parts 1-7)

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It’s all three of them.

When that happened, you’re not quite sure. This is why you hate house parties, hate being messy drunk all on your own. There’s so many people milling around, crashing on couches, watching movies in the low light, disappearing into bedrooms to do God knows what.

You’re leaning on the wall, just watching the room at large. It’s a den, of some sort, a living room. A family room? You don’t know. There are long, worn, slouching sectional couches and a coffee table laden with bottles and cups. A television playing some movie casts a gentle bluish light over everything. It’s the quietest room in the house by far; you can hear loud laughter from the kitchen and bumping music from the backyard. You were content to just people-watch, enjoy being innocently drunk on your own and watching other people be less-innocently smashed.

This isn’t your first solo party, but it’s by far the most boring. Usually by now you’ve made a few friends who’ll carry you through the night, fun to dance and drink with and probably never see again. Not tonight. Up until now, it’s just been you, a series of drinks that you fished out of the fridge yourself, and lots of empty space.

But now, you’re surrounded by all three of them. On your left, Chan, propped casually on the wall himself, like he just happened to be there. On your right, Jisung, looking at you with that stupid grin, the really big one that shows his crooked tooth and pushes up his round cheeks. And right in front of you, Changbin, just regarding you coolly.

You know them. Everyone knows them. It’s far more surprising that they know you.

Because those three, they’re popular. Popular in a way that you didn’t really know could happen on an enormous college campus. Everyone knows them: Chan the music production major, president of the business honors frat; Changbin the creative writing whiz, Model UN president; Jisung, music major, only a sophomore but already leading the music honors society. They formed a project group once for a music production class project, as the legend goes, and the rap song they wrote, performed, and produced went Soundcloud viral. The rest is history. They’re local celebrities now, inseparable and insufferable.

They sit in front of you in your Physics 101 lecture. It’s a science class for nonscience majors, so you do alright for yourself, but you have no idea how these three are acing it the way they are. They talk and joke and write rap lyrics during class; Chan always has his production software open on his laptop, and Jisung is constantly scribbling down verses and bits. You’d think it was Changbin keeping them afloat, but he’s usually half asleep, propped up on one elbow as he nods off.

Not that you pay attention. Not that you care.

You’d care less if they weren’t so attractive. They’re all colored hair and big personality and annoying loud laughs while you’re trying to remember how to calculate redshift, apologies and soft smiles when their chairs bump into your desk.

The four of you even did a class project together once, a small star observation thing that only took a few hours, but it was a few hours of nighttime with them. But you were never close, you never even really talked beyond the basic chit-chat of classmates. You can barely remember their last names. You’re sure they don’t know yours.

So there’s really no reason for the three of them to be looking at you the way they are right now, on either side and directly in front of you, eyes trained on you.

You’re caged in, but you don’t hate it. You kind of like it. Really like it.

Changbin doesn’t say anything. None of them do. You don’t either. You just look at Changbin, your back pressed against the wall. He lifts one arm, all biceps and triceps and shoulders in a tight t-shirt, and rests his palm flat on the wall over your shoulder. He’s barely taller than you, but you feel pinned there, thoroughly caged in. It’s not a feeling you’re used to, and it sends a funny little thrill down your spine.

You break the silence first. “What are you doing?”

Changbin just keeps looking it you. It’s Chan who answers.

“Taking a risk.”

Huh.

You don’t say anything to that, just fixing Changbin with an even stare back. He leans forward, just enough that you think, oh Christ, he’s gonna kiss me.

He keeps coming until he doesn’t.

He veers to the side, right as your eyes flutter shut, and you open them to find his lips on Jisung’s, just a short tender press that leaves Jisung laughing after him. The big arm keeping you against the wall, holding you without even touching you, drops back down, and Changbin leans to the other side. With a little smirk as though he knows exactly what he’s doing to you, he kisses Chan, just the same.

You’re not quite sure what that’s meant to signal to you, or why they’re choosing to mess with you like this, but seeing them be so casual and tender sends an embarrassing wave of arousal through you. You wonder why you haven’t seen this part of their relationship before, if you’ve just been oblivious of it these months sitting behind them.

Chan, Changbin, and Jisung, local celebrities, inseparable bros…more than friends?

Changbin regards you again, grinning smooth and sneaky. He pauses, and you nod your consent ever so slightly, egging him on. With a little huff of a laugh, a little bit of alright, alright, he finally kisses you, all firm pressure and warm confidence. One of your hands goes up to touch him, hold him, but Jisung grabs your wrist as it rises beside him and holds it back down firmly against the wall. You don’t try it with the other hand. Chan will probably do the same.

He pulls away, still grinning. You’re breathless, but clear-headed.

“There’s that pretty blush,” says Chan, cavalier, “You got all pink-cheeked and flustered like that when ‘Bin walked into you in the Starbucks the other week, you remember that?”

You barely do. It was weeks ago, just a brush against you that sent your books tumbling out of your arms when you realized who it was, sneaking behind you with their hand on the small of your back. It had surprised you, more than overwhelmed you, but you do remember your cheeks burning in embarrassment as you collected your books and notes from the floor.

“We decided we wanted to see it again,” says Jisung.

And suddenly it’s clear. They’ve underestimated you. Cornered you at a party, decided it would be easy to get the shy girl from Physics to fuck around with them a little. Three handsome and popular guys, versus little old you. No contest, right?

Oh, this will be fun.

You glance around at the three of them, taking in their expressions and stances, the way they lean into you or away. It’s clear that Jisung is the least sure of himself, whether for his age or his personality, you don’t know.

It’s easy enough to turn toward Jisung, wrenching your arm around his grasp. You lean in close, until you’re practically nose-to-nose with him. He’s always doe-eyed, but right now you swear you can see your own cocky little grin reflected back in his pupils.

“Only Changbin gets to have fun?” you ask, quietly, relishing the way Jisung twitches toward you.

Changbin scoffs, but Jisung surges forward to kiss you, too, much more eagerly. You barely let him touch your lips before you back off, and he chases you as you lean back, giving away his own desperation.

“Aw,” you coo.

He raises the hand that isn’t still holding fast to your wrist, as if you grab you, cup your face, bring you closer, and you pull back all the way.

“No,” you say sweetly.

Immediately, his hand darts back down to his side. Good. Very good. You press your lips to his again, just barely any pressure at all, and repeat your little game, pulling back and making him chase you.

After a moment, Jisung seems to realize what you’re doing, that you’re not going to let him any closer, and he relaxes again, his expression equal parts confused and intrigued. The other two are watching you with wide eyes. Changbin might as well be drooling.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not that easy to push around,” you say, smiling brightly.

“Figures,” says Chan, amused.

He’s still not touching you, hasn’t touched you at all. He’s just leaning there, a warm presence by your side. For some reason, that interests you even more. Maybe he’s going to be a challenge.

“And anyway, we shouldn’t cause a scene in front of all these people,” you turn slightly, meeting Jisung’s eye, “You gonna let go?”

Surprised, Jisung releases your wrist that he’s been squeezing all the while, and you cross your arms over your chest. You turn to face front again, forcing a little more space between yourself and Changbin.

Chan laughs. “You were wrong, ‘Bin.”

“It’s always the quiet ones,” Changbin mutters. “Find someone sweet and quiet, they wanna do you up in shibari and peg you. Every single time.”

He’s giving you ideas, which is dangerous and delightful. You wonder who’s done that stuff to them before. You kind of want to send that person a congratulations card, give them a high-five.

“Must just be our type,” Jisung muses.

Changbin rolls his eyes. “Just once, can’t we actually be into a sub?”

“Cuz that would work so well for us,” Jisung replies. “Another sub. Perfect.”

“So what are we doing here?” you ask, curiosity truly bursting, “What is this?”

“Whatever you want it to be,” Chan says smoothly.

“You’re not just out here preying on innocent girls, are you?” you ask.

You don’t think they are. Everything you know paints them as harmless, more than a little dorky, good-natured and boisterous. But it’s easy to imagine someone less strong-willed than you getting swept away by the charm pouring off these three like Axe body spray off a middle schooler. They probably don’t even know how this looks, cornering someone and planting one on them.

Chan shakes his head, letting his hand wander over to tug Changbin into his side. “Nah. We were out for a few drinks, catching up with some people. And we saw you. Figured it was worth a shot.”

You scoff out a laugh. “Soft dom me into fucking you?”

Chan’s grin is rakish and ridiculously confident as he strokes Changbin’s shoulder. “It’s worked before.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” you say again.

You spare a glance around the room. Nobody has even noticed the four of you doing this very strange dance of power in the corner. The television is still blaring some old comedy, and people still recline on the assorted chairs and sofas. You’re in the clear to keep this going. You smile to yourself.

“I’m not disappointed,” says Jisung. “Are you two disappointed?”

Changbin shakes his head. Chan just keeps looking at you, still grinning bright and confident.

It occurs to you then, what Jisung has just said. About another sub not working out, with the three of them. They must all lean more submissive, then. Even Chan, under this thick layer of brat. You can work with that. He just needs a bit of an attitude adjustment.

So you move toward him, reaching for his face. He leans into the touch, until you move up to grab him by the hair. You remember when he was blonde, earlier in the school year, and an odd bluish grey before that. Somewhere in the middle was a shocking red that only lasted a day, a washable hairspray color. But now, his hair is inky black waves, and you twist your fingers into the curls that flyaway over his forehead and tug gently, tilting his chin up, until he’s backed himself against the wall, palms scrabbling at the wallpaper for purchase.

You just hold him like that, his hair a dark streak in your fist, not even pulling. Just holding him, letting the anticipation work its magic. Before long, he’s squirming ever so slightly in your hold, still meeting your eye stubbornly, pretending that he doesn’t want you to pull his hair, manhandle him more, do something.

“Is this it?” he scoffs.

“I don’t want to come on too strong,” you shrug.

Chan has the boldness to look bored. “You’re not doing anything. Maybe we were right the first time, and you’re just putting us on.”

You tug on his hair at the root, just once, hard enough that he jumps. Your other hand goes to the beltloop on his jeans, tugging his hips toward you just the slightest bit. It’s satisfying to watch him struggle, torn between rocking forward into you and staying put where the hand in his hair holds him up against the wall.

“Hm,” you hum, “Is this too much?”

You’re teasing him, and he knows it, since you’ve barely done anything at all. You can tell that he hates the way you’re patronizing him, from the way his lip curls into a sneer.

“No,” he rasps, “More.”

Changbin makes a small noise from just behind you, a groan or maybe even a moan, but you ignore it in favor of really driving your point home. You tug at the hair in your grip again, harder, and Chan arches that long pretty neck back with the tiniest gasp.

“More,” he says again.

“More and more,” you tease, fake sympathy dripping from your voice.

He nods eagerly, which tugs again at his own hair, making him gasp. You take that opportunity to kiss him, and he responds in kind, keeping his hands neatly by his sides without needing to be told. Where Changbin was measured, trying to impress you, and Jisung was surprised, Chan is eager to please.

You pull back, smacking your lips appreciatively. “Peach flavor, huh? Flavored lip balm. Aren’t you just a sweet peach.”

The way that Chan’s eyes blow wide when you say that is poetry. Oh, yes.

“You like that,” you say, “Don’t you, peach?”

Jisung lets out a desperate little sigh behind you, “Fuck.”

Oh. You’d forgotten that you’re putting on a show not just with Changbin and Jisung’s friend, but their partner. All the more reason to make it a good show.

“Tell me you like it,” you demand.

“I like it,” he says, almost before you’re finished speaking.

“Kiss him again,” comes Changbin’s voice. “Please.”

You oblige, just for a moment.

All at once, you break the kiss and pull away, letting go of his hair and backing all the way out of the little circle they’ve made around you. You take a second to appraise the three of them. Changbin is ruffled, far cry from the guy who’d made to pin you to the wall just a short while ago. Jisung is already hard in his tight jeans. And Chan is just a mess, still pressed to the wall where you’d left him, pink peach-flavored lips swollen from your handiwork.

You turn to walk away.

“Where are you going?” Chan asks, and you’re delighted to hear just a hint of a whine in his tone.

You fix the three of them with your best innocent look.

“You said you wanted more.”

As you turn again and saunter out of the family room(…den…living room?), you can hear the telltale sound of several desperate pairs of feet following you out.

Perfect.

#stray kids #stray kids smut #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fanfic #3racha #3racha smut #reader insert #bang chan #han jisung #seo changbin #sub!idol #fem dom

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mishkakagehishka · 3 years

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Hey there, I want to get into BTS but I don't really know where to start. Any advice?

Oh, hi! I'd like to say you came to the right person. I tried to keep this as succinct and simple as possible, so I won't be mentioning stuff like names and going in-depth about their discography, but I'll give you some of my recommendations for songs to listen to if you want to get into their music.

The thing about BTS is that they're very genre-diverse, so you'll probably find a song you like no matter what you usually listen to. The only genre they haven't done yet are the more obscure ones and, like, country. They started with hip-hop, and most of their songs are subgenres of that, but they've been experimenting with genres since around 2016ish? My recommendation for a start would be the songs that are the most popular with the general public (songs like Spring Day, a pop-rock kinda ballad, Blood Sweat & Tears, an EDM track, DNA, an EDM love song, or an all-english and recent single like Dynamite). But if we go by genre, I'd recommend Boy With Luv for pop, So What for EDM (a real "jump around and dance" kinda song if you'll take my opinion), Rain for R&B, The Truth Untold for ballads, Dionysus for that wild rock vibe, and UGH! for rap/hip-hop, though I should say that most of their songs feature rap, as 3/7 members are rappers. All of these are group songs except for The Truth Untold and UGH!, with the former being a song by the four vocalists, and the latter by the three rappers.

If you're just starting, you likely won't care too much about lyrics, but, if you like meaningful lyrics in your music, I can also recommend N.O (one of their early hip-hop tracks, this one might not resonate with you if you're past a certain age, but, at 18, I still sympathise with the idea of society kinda raising young folks to abandon their dreams for the sake of practicality and the only achievements that matter being related to education and well-paying jobs, and I do always like recommending the early tracks because I feel like they sort of set the mood/expectations), Black Swan (about losing your passion, I linked the art video because it's the chamber-pop-y classical instruments version, just to give an extra genre, though the version available on Spotify and the likes is emo hip-hop/trap), Paradise (it's okay to not have a specific dream and to just live life for the sake of living life), Silver Spoon (the generation gap, the lyrics reference crow-tits and storks because of the saying, "If a crow-tit tries to walk like a stork, it'll break its legs") and Intro: Never Mind (a solo by one of the rappers and a personal fave so I had to mention it, about not being afraid of failure and trying again). Songs I mentioned in the first paragraph that also have read-worthy lyrics are Spring Day (missing and wanting to see an old friend), So What (not caring about others' opinions and letting go of your worries) and UGH! (the values and harms of anger, especially righteous anger vs anger for anger's sake)

I only linked lyrics videos for the second group of songs, but all the music videos I linked have English subtitles via the closed captioning (which is why I didn't link Spring Day twice, but did UGH! and So What). If my recommendations are a bit too complicated, though, I can also give you this flowchart that was pretty popular on twitter back when I was still there.

It has a lot more songs and includes the Japanese and SoundCloud discography as well as the solo projects, so it's more complex, but it gives "starting songs" and recommendations based on which ones you liked, and it helped me recommend songs to people before, so it might help again.

In any case, if you have any questions or something, feel free to DM me or send another ask, I'd be happy to help, considering BTS are literally my fave music artists :D

#i feel like it's good to ask me but also bad to ask me bc i can't give simple answers so it's like #i feel like i rec'd too many songs. well you can always just sc and go 'oh i could listen to one today' or smth like that #anyway enjoy!#bts #asks

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independentartistbuzz · 3 years

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Indie 5-0 with Chris Pastore

Like a lot of musicians and creatives, COVID brought out a lot of inspiration, whether is be the world around us falling apart, to have more time to do the things we’ve been putting off. Chris Pastore is no different. This seasoned musician has been working on his album, Turn the Music Up Loud, for a long time, compiling of new songs and old one. COVID gave him, and others, and excuse to work on these sort of projects. He recently released his single “Deliver Me” from said album. This acoustic song is about the consequence that we must face, whether we want to or not.

We got the chance to speak with Chris Pastore in this edition of Indie 5-0.

Let’s dive in:

What was your inspiration for “Deliver Me”?

2020 revealed weakness, desperation, helplessness, and people found themselves in dark places with little hope. I have had this melody and the hook "Deliver Me" in my head for some time, and being under the COVID lockdown helped bring the song to reality. The words inspired by someone in trouble, of course, beaten down & needing a helping hand, we've all been there. The song starts with a delicate acoustic guitar, the opening lines set the tone, and story quickly settles in with tightly knit drums and bass, introducing the whurlitzer, then organ, building, building to a crashing chorus supported by an infectious guitar/piano hook. A nightmare that had to be confronted, an uplifting story, inspiration, of facing the consequences, brought to life by melody, a choir, salvation by music, with an orchestral crescendo and musical question mark ending. The song and lyrics are meant to be spiritual guidance almost like a preacher's sermon.

What was the writing process like for this particular song? What was the production process like?

The chords and phase "Deliver me" had been circling in my head for years, but I needed a topic. Once I hooked onto that topic in the COVID lockdown the words flowed quickly. I sent the acoustic demo around to the rest of the band and tapped drummer Mike Gambone to create the perfect beat. We landed with the steady driving building drum track that opened the song up sonically. The rest happened at Wrightway Studios in Baltimore, we refined the drum nuances, Bob Brooks locked in quickly on the bass adding catchy riffs and fills, I stumbled across an electric guitar vibrato fill line while noodling over outtakes, and the chorus guitar picked melody just fell into place. The keyboardists and I met up at Sound On Sound Studios in Montclair, NJ because of their array of vintage pianos and organs. The Wurlitzer and Hammond tracks that Matt Stone added were pure gold, depth, warmth, really capturing the essence of the song. Layer in some vocal and guitar harmonies, some feedback at the end and there you go.

“Deliver Me” comes from your upcoming album, Turn the Music Up Loud, which is your first album release in about 10 years. What prompted you to release music again?

I finished so many songs during COVID, nothing to do, my mind raced with ideas, no distractions. I've got about two more albums worth of material to record!

Who is your biggest musical inspiration and why?

I'm inspired by capturing whatever the story is at the time in my life. There are many love songs, many stories to tell. “Deliver Me” was a very sensitive subject matter, but we nailed it.

What do you hope to share with “Deliver Me”?

The song went way beyond my expectations for writing, production, performance and recording. I hope people enjoy it, can't get it out of their head, connect in some way to the vibe, and share this group's ability as a band and me as a songwriter to produce quality music that people like. There's a lot more to come.

You can hear “Deliver Me” here: https://open.spotify.com/track/086pXpSYYak0oKMWL5ttrH?si=b12bdfb334c64957

You can find Chris Pastore via: Website // Instagram // Facebook // YouTube // Spotify // Soundcloud // Apple Music

#DeliverMe #ChrisPastore #TurnTheMusicUpLoud #singersongwriter #music

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boymeetsweevil · 4 years

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And then there were two

Grouping: Reader x College BF!Mark (NCT)

Word Count: ~3.48k

Warnings/Themes: non-graphic first time, too many friends with too little boundaries

Prompt: “what do u think abt college bf mark and awkward and fumbling first time”

The dorm is suspiciously quiet when Mark enters. There’s no sound of the XBox going, no sound of raucous laughter, no sound of beer bottles clinking. It’s almost as if you’re alone in your dorm. Odd.

“Mark?” You call from the common area shared by you and your suitemates. “Is that you?”

“Yeah.”

He finds you curled up on the couch, biting at your nails with your computer at your lap.

“Hey. Did you get your test results back yet?”

“I mean, the portal is open. I just haven’t checked it yet.” A sigh ghosts past your lips. “I don’t know if I passed this one. And if I don’t pass, I’ll have to retake the class later.”

“Want me to open it for you?”

“Please.”

Mark makes his way over, arms behind his back as he hides the treasure he brought with him. Once he’s seated you slide your laptop over to him like you can’t get it away fast enough and push yourself back until you’re at the opposite end of the couch. Your toes are the closest thing to him and you wedge them under his thigh while he types in your password from memory.

“Class average was a...64. Yikes,” he reads off that stats from the exam’s page.

“Yeah. It was a doozy.”

“Okay, let’s see. Woah, you got an 83.”

“What,” you shout.

“Nerd.”

Your eyes grow wide and you lunge forward to yank the computer away, hoping that he’s not messing with you. Mark laughs, nose scrunching at you as you take in the actual 83 on your exam’s results screen. The hoarse little shriek you let out is so cute that his heart aches a bit.

“The prof said she was adding a curve for this one. 6 points, she said.”

“Congrats, baby—oof!”

Mark’s back hits the arm of the couch with a thud, taking the brunt of the force from your tackle. It’s a bit awkward but you still manage to get your limbs around him and squeeze. A breathy chuckle floats up from where you bury your face in his neck.

“I was so nervous. I hate Orgo so much.”

“I know, but you work so hard. How could you not do well?”

“Thanks,” you say once you pull back. Your eyes are velvet soft with relief and fondness as you look him over.

You press a soft kiss to his lips and Mark presses back for a moment before pulling back with a jerk. Somehow you’ve ended up in the splayed V of his knees as a pleasant weight in his lap. Not an often occurrence.

“I, uh, I might have brought you something,” he mumbles against the skin of your cheek when you kiss the hinge of his jaw. His eyes and voice go gravelly and dark at your proximity.

“What is it?” You sit back on your heels with a staccato bounce.

“Chicken Haus.”

From the side of the couch he brandishes a large paper bag with a familiar crowing chicken logo printed on the brown surface. The thin paper barrier does nothing to keep the smell from wafting over to you.

“Oh, did you get fries? Let me see!”

“Ah, ah!” He moves the bag out of your reach, causing you to stumble forward. Your glare down at him but all he does is cackle in response. “Say please,” he sing-songs.

“Dude, come on. This isn’t kindergarten!”

“So, I’m ‘dude’ now?” He sniffs and moves to put the chicken back. “Alright, I see how it is.”

“Mark—Mark, wait! Mark, my man. My super capable, handsome man. Please. Let me see the chicken.”

“Nice,” he hands you the bag, trying his hardest not to be flustered by your performance.

There’s a small mountain of your favorites in the bag and you do a little dance before hopping off the couch and making a beeline to the small communal kitchenette.

“Did you eat dinner already?”

“Yeah, I had some stuff at the studio.”

You turn to give him a little disappointed pout. “Still, come sit with me!”

Mark ambles over with a pleased smile on his face. As you look for napkins he admires the straight way you hold your back. The university is notorious for its cutthroat biology major but you’re not the competitive type. So exam weeks are especially hard on you. You always end up stressed and shrunken in on yourself and Mark hates to see it. Few things cheer you back up right away. One of them is the atomic spicy nuggets from Chicken Haus.

“Should we eat in your room,” Mark asks. Your mutual friend Jungwoo, who introduced you and Mark, usually has virtual tutoring at this hour. Mark always feels bad for interrupting him, but normally you’d share some of your congratulatory nuggets with him.

“We don’t have to this time. Jungwoo went home for his mom’s graduation and Doyoung’s at a public health conference.”

“Oh. They didn’t tell me that.”

“Mark,” you let out an incredulous laugh when you finally open the box. “I think you got too many nuggets this time.”

Mark looks down at the party-sized box he handed over a hefty portion of this week’s paycheck for. He supposes it’s a lot for two people to eat, but the dorm is usually overflowing with friends. Tonight he bought a lot out of habit and none of the people he expected to be over are actually present.

“Shit. Are none of the guys coming over?”

“Mm, I don’t know. What’s Johnny up to?”

Mark wracks his brain for his friends’ whereabouts. “Uhh, I think I remember him saying he was gonna go visit his girlfriend at her school. So, I guess he’s not coming.

“Okay,” you sit at one of the stools. “And Taeil and Haechan?”

“Probably, like, playing Fortnite or something.”

“I know Taeyong said he had some work he had to do for his design class, so he’s definitely not coming.” You bite down into a nugget finally and let out a soft moan. “This never gets old.”

Suddenly Mark is hungry again. When he grabs a napkin and a plate you give a gloating smirk.

“I think Yuta’s probably just asleep,” you say after you’ve finished moaning around another chicken nugget.

“That just leaves Jaehyun, I think.”

“I mean, I can text him and invite him over if you want me to.”

Before you can reach for your phone, Mark’s free hand covers yours. You can’t help but laugh a little. Jaehyun and Mark may be good friends, but you know Mark is still a little wary since Jaehyun tried to hit on you the first night you met everyone. There’s no hard feelings, though. According to Mark.

“N-no, you don’t have to. He’s probably just enjoying the night in. Let’s...leave him be.”

“Okay,” you grin and take another bite.

After you finish eating, you make the decision to migrate back to the couch to check out some of the stuff on your DVR. Doyoung has dominated most of the drive space but there’s some shows that you know Mark likes. You tape them on the off chance that he comes over and no one else has something else they want to watch instead.

“Should we watch that zombie series,” Mark asks as he scrolls through the listings.

“I hate their graphics.”

“I know,” he snorts. “But it’s funny how mad you get at their fake blood. Might be fun to watch.”

“If you really wanna watch you can, but I’m not looking. I’m just gonna make myself comfy here, instead.”

You say all this as you proceed to stretch yourself over Mark’s already lounging form. You slot yourself between his thighs before hitching a leg up over his hip. Your head is pillowed by his shoulder and you cage him in with your arms.

“We don’t have to watch it. It’s more fun to watch with Yuta anyway. He always screams so loud, like, I swear he has a 4 octave range sometimes.”

“You’re such a music major,” you wrinkle your nose before peeking up. “Can I hear that project you’ve been working on in the studio?”

Mark’s cheeks flush under the blue light cast by the TV screen. He doesn’t say anything at first, but he does nod. You get up just long enough for him to grab his phone and the pair of over-the-ear headphones he always carries with him.

He takes care to brush your hair out of the way and slip the headphones onto your head gently. He sneaks in a pinch of your cheeks while you wait for him to cue up the song and laughs at the way your eyes crinkle in light annoyance.

The song begins and he alternates between gnawing at his bottom lip and watching your expression unblinkingly. Mark is actually doing super well in his Music Production 401 class and his professor is trying to get him to do an independent study next term. But he’s a perfectionist when it comes to his music. The song’s not finished even though he and Taeyong have been working on it nonstop for the last week and a half.

After a few minutes, you slide the headphones off.

“I like it,” you whisper. “I wish I could tell you something more helpful but I don’t know anything about making music.”

“No, no. Honestly, that’s enough. I feel like you always tell me when you don’t really like what we have, so this is—good.”

“What are you gonna call it?” You grab his free hand and Mark darts his head around to survey the room.

“Tae wants to call it something like “welcome to my playground”. We have to run the name by the other guys in the project. But Professor Seo thinks we should put it online once it’s done.”

“Promise you won’t forget about me when you blow up on SoundCloud.”

Mark tosses his head back and laughs at your teasing, before reaching out for revenge. He grabs at your waist and pulls you down so he can dig his fingers into your sides, knowing exactly where to go so he can torture you.

You let out a gasp and try your hardest to protect your sensitive underarms and the sides of your ribs from him, but it’s too late. Frenzied laughs pour from your mouth and you fight to stay upright. It’s a fight that you lose but not without bringing Mark down with you.

The two of you topple over the edge of the couch in a heap of throw pillows and decorative blankets. You fall first and brace yourself for the impact of Mark’s body. It’s not as painful as you thought it would be and when you crack an eye open you realize it’s because he managed to prop himself up at the last second.

Mark laughs again, but this time it’s small and breathless as he takes in the sight of you underneath him. He yanks himself up so at least his upper half is upright and he looks around again.

“Why are you acting so suspicious? You’ve been acting like you have a dirty secret all night.” You sit up too then, pulling your knees to yourself.

“Ah, really? I dunno.”

But he does know.

Mark is a man of many good traits. He’d like to think, based on what others have told him, that he’s reliable. Hardworking, nice. Maybe even a little handsome if he listens to his mom. But most of all he is incredibly patient.

The last 2 months that you have been dating have consisted of being cockblocked at every turn. And the same thing happened when he was trying to find a good moment to confess to you after realizing that he liked you. Because he and you shared too many friends. Well-meaning but stupid friends.

“I mean—like, I guess I just got so used to us being interrupted by the guys that it’s a habit. Sorry.”

“We’re alone now, though.”

“Ha, right,” he tugs on the collar of his hoodie. “Yeah.”

“So...do you still want to watch the DVR on the couch?”

“Uh, we don’t have to. We could do something else.”

“What do you want to do,” you ask as your fingers crawl up his torso. With a gentle press to his hoodie-clad chest, Mark‘s back hits the seat of the couch.

“Wuh—we could listen to the new SuperK album.”

You shake your head and slink into his lap. You fiddle with the zipper on the front of his hoodie, enjoying the way he fails to keep his cool in the moment.

He looks up at you then, eyes round. “We could... watch that movie Cloud Break. It’s supposed to be really romantic—”

You shake your head again and lean in. “Saw it ages ago,” you murmur against the skin of his neck.

He huffs out a laugh, partly because of the tickle from your lips planting light kisses on his throat and partly because your answer is ridiculous.

“It premiered in theaters two days ago, dude.”

“I have connections,” is all you say before switching to kisses on the corner of his mouth.

Rarely do moments like this ever arise. With your friend group, someone is always in your dorm, or in Mark’s, or texting one of you to let you know you’ll be interrupted soon. One too many traumatic occasions where he didn’t heed the warning taught Mark to be hypervigilant of how he interacted with you.

Honestly, he’s not even sure what to do first now. You’ve already unzipped his hoodie to splay your palms over his chest. He’s certain you can feel the fluttering dance his heart is doing under your hands. His own palms itch with inactivity. But laying them on the bare skin of your waist under the fabric of your shirt feels a bit like a balm against his clammy skin.

It’s like a switch is flipped. Like you’ve both realized how long you’ve been waiting for this moment. Suddenly everything is wandering hands and soft gasps. Time behaves funny in the privacy of the little universe being created on the floor by the couch. First it’s the quick, rough pass of your shirt over your head, getting tangled along overeager elbows along the way. Then it’s the slow and gentle brush of Mark’s knuckles against the skin of your abdomen as he attempts to unbutton your pants with shaking hands. You ask him if he’s scared while thumbing at the plush swell of his lips which are pursed in concentration. He tells you he’s just excited with an equally-shaky chuckle.

That’s what you love about Mark. Probably one of the things everyone loves about Mark. He’s thorough, admirably so. Just like he took his time with his confession,!l and his time with your jeans, he takes time appraising every inch of exposed skin. Some moments are moments of familiarity and he nips at the skin like it’s an old greeting. Some moments are moments of discovery, for both of you. He’s gentler then, drawing a new version of you out from yourself in the form of drawn out gasps or curses.

Many are moments of reciprocity. There are times when you hope his touch leaves fingerprints behind, something that you can keep long after your sweat has dried. And every touch he gives is matched with one you return. The feel of your palm on him, over him, around him draws his muscles taut. When you finally slot together, of course it’s like two puzzle pieces. It’s just right and the breath Mark releases then is almost like a sigh of relief.

Often relief is a quiet, calm thing. Not always, certainly not now. You and Mark chase this relief panting and sometimes clawing at one another. He’s jerky as he moves over you. With arms shaking on either side of his head and this jaw grit tight, he tries his best to make it to the end with you. The way you moan and lock your thighs around him to pull him closer and deeper are the things that push him off the edge. He spills into you with a choked off groan that tapers off when he pulls away finally.

He’s exhausted, but still attentive in his aftermath. Mark whispers sweet nothings into your ear as he beckons you closer to your own orgasm with his hand. The feeling of working over you through the slick of his cum awakens something in the corners of his mind, but he puts that back. For another day, he reasons. Another one of those rare days when he can get you alone. Next time he won’t hesitate.

“You feel good,” he nuzzles the tip of his nose by the base of your ear.

Your breath hitches wetly and you reach down to grip his still twisting wrist. The touch grounds you only slightly because he changes the angle and suddenly you’re floating towards white light once more. Mark watches your hips raise in little broken motions to reach your own high.

Immediately, you pull him back in. He’s confident in the way he follows this time. He swoops in over you, kissing you like the sex had merely whetted his appetite.

“Is there still chicken?”

The sound of Jungwoo’s voice drives you two apart so fast your joints crack. You shriek and pull the closest piece of clothing you can find over your lap and torso. It just so happens to be Mark’s sweatpants, leaving him defenseless and bare.

Jungwoo pokes his head out from behind his bedroom door, headphones hanging around his neck with music oozing softly from the ears. Whatever he sees must be appropriate enough, because he nods to himself then and strolls toward the kitchen. The leftover Chicken Haus sits neatly packaged away thanks to Mark’s previous care.

“Bro, what the hell,” Mark whines from behind the safety of the couch. Just his head peeks over the cushions, making him look tiny. Like a tiger cub woken prematurely. Jungwoo laughs.

“I thought you said you bought enough to share. There’s no way you guys were gonna finish all this on your own.”

“That’s not—” Mark sighs, “That’s not what I mean.”

“Then what?”

“We’re kind of doing something here.” He jerks his chin down to where you’re hidden from view still. Neither of them can see your grimace.

“Oh, yeah, we know.”

“We?”

Your head and naked shoulders pop up then. Mark shifts his arm subtly in front you to preserve what’s left of your modesty. It doesn’t do much.

“Yeah, me and the others were in my room. We heard you did good on the test from our friend Lucas—you know the one who TAs for orgo? We were gonna surprise you, so we all got here early.”

“How early,” Mark’s voice is steady, eerily so.

Jungwoo picks up another nugget and chews thoughtfully while he picks the right things to say. Johnny is the one who is known for being scary when angry, but Mark’s silent fury is frightening in its own right. A tiger cub is still a tiger, after all.

“Early,” he finally says.

“Fuck,” Mark covers his eyes with his hands. His cheeks bloom over rapidly. “Are you kidding me? Like for real?”

“Jungwoo,” Taeyong’s stage whisper cuts through the outburst. “Are they done yet?”

“You think he’s just standing out there talking to himself while they’re still doing it,” Doyoung’s voice enters next.

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t stop to watch a little on the way back,” Yuta scoffs.

“Guys, stop, this is so weird. That’s Mark we’re talking about.” The sound of Johnny’s internal crisis is almost as loud as his distressed non-whisper.

Jungwoo snorts before piling a plate high with more chicken. “You sound like such a mom, John.”

“Hey, wait is there still chicken?” Taeil’s sleepy voice is followed by Haechan giving an affirmative.

The guys stream out of Jungwoo’s tiny suite like a swarm of ants making a line towards the kitchen. Some of them hop onto the counter while Doyoung distributes plates. Others grab up the remaining stools and continue to discuss Mark’s new lack of virginity while serving up fries and nuggets. None of them seem to be concerned about yours or Mark’s presence with their backs turned towards you.

As the others continue to bicker amongst themselves, you turn to Mark. With a knowing look, he gestures for you to pass him his sweats. In silence, you both dress yourselves before making a break to your room. You enter first, diving head first into your bed out of mortification. Mark makes sure to close the door as soundlessly as possible before turning to you.

“We need new friends,” the two of you say in unison.

#nct scenarios #nct smut #nct fanfic #nct imagines

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onestowatch · 3 years

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Surfaces Is Bringing Their Happy Place to the Masses [Q&A]

Photo: Dan Franco

When Colin Padalecki met Forrest Frank on SoundCloud, back in 2016, they had no idea that their whimsical exchange of DMs would evolve into the brotherhood of a lifetime, an ever-growing discography, and a roster spot on one of the hottest independent record labels in the world—10K Projects.

Since then, the two friends have formed a genre-bending band called Surfaces and an audiovisual world of neo-soul, beach-pop, reggae, and gospel music. Or better yet, an imaginary happy place, right smack-dab in the middle of “The Lone Star State,” where the two Texans make masterful R&B music with spoken-word lyricism that elevates positive thinking for the soul.

All in all, the guys from Surfaces have been releasing music together for four years now. Thus, with each year comes a brand-new album from the hardworking duo. While Caribbean rhythms and heartwarming subject matter remain notable fixtures of their songwriting, another mainstay is the scenic artwork that’s accompanied every album release so far.

Each time that Padalecki creates an official album cover for Surfaces, it’s as if he’s giving their supporters a behind-the-scenes look at the way in which they find inspiration before a songwriting camp. In many instances, the artwork that he designs serves as a catalyst for the band’s recording sessions, because it sets the mood. His graphic illustrations of sunsets, beaches, and waterfronts augment the heartfelt stories that have been told for the duration of four albums now by his bandmate, Frank, whose lyrics and jazz-rap cadences always seem to carry a positive undertone.

The meaning behind his uplifting words stem from a spiritual assertion that was instilled in him from a young age by his family. In fact, his band’s biggest hit to date was influenced by his faith. “When I think of the lyrics [from “Sunday Best”]... for me, personally, the only way I’ve been able to find that kind of complete stress-free lifestyle is through my relationship with God,” shares Frank. Of all the songs that have been penned by Surfaces over the past five years, none of the releases contain a single ounce of vulgarity in them. This is a very unique distinction for a secular band—especially one that is part of a record label that’s been home to some of the most popular rappers of the SoundCloud rap era.

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But nevertheless, their working relationship with their record label has actually enhanced their creativity. Because the company’s CEO has created a healthy environment for artistic expression, regardless of the genres his artists belong to. “I feel like Elliot [Grainge] runs a really tight family kind of shop. He doesn’t have a lot of artists on his roster, but he has a personal relationship with all of us and the other people we work with like Molly, Sam, and our managers. So, [signing with 10K Projects] just made sense,” shares Padalecki. “Elliot gave us full creative control, which is truly a blessing when it comes to something like a record deal. At any moment in time, we could just ask him to meet us for lunch and he cares enough about us on a personal level to go do that. He trusts in our decisions when it comes to song making, album choices, and everything. They’ve been nothing but supportive and we’ve been nothing but grateful for 10K, it’s almost like a family.”

Indeed, a stress-free creative space, cathartic chorus lines, and the full support of 10K Projects have proven to be key components in a winning formula that’s yielded multi-platinum successes for Surfaces. So, as the old adage goes: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Which means when it comes to dropping new music, the guys are sticking to what works.

When they made their best-selling album to date, Where The Light Is, they recorded the tracks during the day, while the sun was out at Frank’s boat house to perfectly capture a positive and happy mood. Catching a vibe in a sunny environment has proven to be tried-and-true method for the band and a blueprint that Colin Padalecki wanted to follow during the making of their latest album, Pacifico.

“We rented a house in Malibu for about a half a month. It was kind of like this creative camp that we set up and we pretty much woke up every single day in this really gorgeous house with this really gorgeous view of the beach line of Malibu and the sunset peaking over the mountains every single day,” says the multi-instrumentalist. “It was just nice to not have to worry about anything with Forrest, his wife, and our creative collaborator Conrad [Public Library Commute]. Nothing felt forced… we were just trying to capture the essence of that trip. The whole album pretty much describes that vacation of ours. And we just tried to capture all aspects of it through sonics.”

On April 9, Surfaces introduced their fourth studio album to the world with the lead single called “Wave of You.” It’s a vibey beach-pop track that explores the depths of a romantic relationship through the eyes of Frank. It also displays his willingness to expose his own real-life experiences. “I think it’s really powerful. A relationship can be so powerful and when you’re really drawn to someone it’s like the tide pulling you into the wave. It’s awesome, but it’s also really fragile and dangerous,” says Frank.

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Upon the release of two follow-up singles to “Wave of You,” Surfaces officially dropped Pacifico on June 25. The new album arrives on the heels of one of the most challenging time periods this world has ever seen. In the wake of a global pandemic, a little bit of sunshine is exactly what the the world needs. Pacifico, fittingly, is a breath of fresh air for their supporters and a fitting soundtrack for the beginning of summer after nearly a year-and-a-half of worldwide shutdowns.

One of the main aspects of this album that displays the band’s growth as musicians are the amount of artist features present. Before the release of Pacifico, the only collaboration they ever published was “Learn To Fly” with Elton John. Their collaborative effort with the Rock & Roll Hall of Famer was an absolute banger, but it was never officially featured on an album by Surfaces. Instead, it was published as a one-off single. But this time around, the group teamed up with four collaborators: Public Library Commute, Salam Ilese, Xavier Omär and Quinn XCII.

Their contributions to Pacifico have added a whole new element to this delightful collection of sun-soaked music. In fact, the story of how they ended up recording their collaboration with Omär in person is almost as compelling as the story of how the co-founders met each other. “We’d been huge fans [of Xavier Omär] ever since the SoundCloud days. We had a second verse open [for “Come Around”]. So, we DM’d him and said, ‘Yo what’s up! We’re huge fans!’ He said he was a big fan of ours too. So, we told him that we’d love to link up and talk about music because we have a song that he might like,” recounts Frank. “Then he said, ‘Oh cool, but the only thing is, I don’t live in L.A., I live in San Antonio.’ And we were like, ‘Yo, Colin lives in San Antonio (laughs)! So, we basically drove down the street and recorded with him.” It’s a fond memory of their first encounter with one of their favorite musicians… and it’s strikingly similar to the way that Padalecki met Frank on SoundCloud about five years prior.

“Hearing (Omar Xavier’s) melodies recorded at my house brought me back to my high school days of listening to Middle of Things,” says Padalecki. “It had a huge impact on me in high school. So, him coming over and hanging out with us like friends, getting lunch with us, and then getting to the music later was really special.” While collaborative efforts like “Come Around” and “On Time” have certainly added a new dimension to the songwriting and emotional depth of Surfaces, fans can rest assured that their trademark penchant for feel great grooves remain true all throughout Pacifico.

In just five years, the duo behind Surfaces has traveled all over the country. The last time they took the show on the road was during the “Warm Winter Tour” back in 2019. This August, they’ll hit the road again for a North American tour called the aptly titled “Good 2 Be Back Tour.” To the masses they’re a homegrown duo that never fails to bring light and positivity to the forefront of their music. But internally… they’re just two friends having the time of their lives. And why wouldn’t they be? It’s not every day that pop icons like Justin Bieber partake in a “Sunday Best” dance craze dedicated to you by your fans on TikTok.

More importantly, it’s not every day a pop-rock band comes along and reminds us of Bill Withers, Hall & Oates, Beach Boys and Chance the Rapper all in one breath. “That’s pretty good (laughs). I like that,” confesses Frank when the unique comparison was brought to his attention. With the release of Pacifico, Surfaces is now four albums deep into a promising career in music. And to think, it all started with a litany of recording sessions at Padalecki’s college house in Texas. It appears as though the guys from Surfaces are just as good at building songs as they are at giving form to the happy place from which all of their songs originate.

Pacifico is available everywhere you can stream it.

#surfaces #pacifico #interview #pop #rock #soul #album reviews

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therappundit · 4 years

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Best of the 1st Half: 2020′s Best Rap Projects (*so far*)...

“I’ve had, the halftime of my life...!”

*record scratch*

2020, WHAT THE F**K. 😳

Ohhh what a first half it has been. If 2020 ended today, it would still be one of the most historic years in a century...and NOT in a pleasant way. Years from now 2020 will be studied for the long-term damage caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, the potential breaking point (hopefully??) of this country’s ignorance to systematic racism and the need for a complete overhaul of our police departments, and of course, whatever the hell comes from the November Presidential election....and, not to mention whatever additional ‘tbd’ chaos rings in the second half of ‘20 that we haven’t even heard about yet!? These are trying times, folks.

My whole life, I have tried to use humor and entertainment to help me with processing high levels of stress and anxiety. This year, that process has felt more daunting than usual. I am writing less and less, and often find Twitter to be too dark of a place for me to navigate. It’s anything but a fulfilling “escape”. Still, I am constantly inspired by all of the new music that fills my headspace during life’s precious little moments, and it really keeps me grounded in the day to day.

At the end of 2019, I wrote the below in one of my posts. It took me back to a special feeling that I had, at a moment when the future seemed more like an opportunity, rather than a worrisome question mark. I’m going to work towards finding that place again, and I wanted to re-share this because it speaks to how the love of any art can be a healthy reminder of what we have to be thankful for in our daily lives:

“Regardless of how you feel about this list, I hope that you visit (or re-visit) any one of these pieces of strong work and find the same level of enjoyment that I did. I loved so much rap music this year and I could not be more excited about what the future holds. On a personal note, in 2019 I found myself even more in love with my wife, feeling luckier than I have in a long time, more satisfied with my hobbies and passions, and above all else, more in awe of my child (and anyone that ever raised a child) than ever before. I became a father for the first time in 2019, so as my baby daughter continues to fill my heart, I am beginning to wonder what she will think of her father’s love for this art form that has brought him so much joy over the years…I suppose time will tell.”

This list is long, because I think the talent that went into these projects is worth your time (and I put a lot of thought into creating this list as well...I do not work in the industry or know anyone that does, and I do not have any real platform - I just do this because I love the music).

If you are an artist on this list, I want to thank you, because you helped me stay positive and focused on a brighter future that I hope will soon come to us all...because everyone has been through something this year, and we deserve better. So salute to you and many, many others. 🙏🙏🙏

- THE Rap Pundit

The “Rules” for my list of the Best Projects of Q1-Q2 2020:

- the album/mixtape/EP/project/whatever you want to call it had to be released this year, by June 26, 2020

- the project must have at least 6 songs

- these rankings are a combination of my own personal preference, my take on overall quality of the project (whether it speaks deeply to my sensibilities or not), and how the final product compares to other work from the artists’ peers that occupy the same lane/‘sub-genre’ of rap music

So here we go 👀...

1. The Price of Tea in China by Boldy James and The Alchemist

Sometimes the greatest albums are not the most ambitious or flashy, they are remembered based off the strength of artistic chemistry and execution. Basketball fans know the beauty of a perfectly timed chest pass to a teammate streaking towards the basket can be more impressive than a behind the back pass that’s simply done for the sake of showing everyone that you can do a fancy pass. Staying with that theme, The Price of Tea in China is The Alchemist doing his best John Stockton impression, serving to Boldy James’ Karl Malone, and by album’s end you realize that Boldy scored a quiet 40 points while making this rap shit look like an easy lay-up.

TPOTIC finds Boldy sprinkling every ounce of his Detroit seasoning into Al’s pot to yield one of the most Mobb Deep-esque collaboration albums since Mobb Deep was dropping albums. In turn, this project is not only Boldy’s greatest work, but it serves as a re-introduction of a veteran MC that is suddenly more relevant than ever. Much like what Freddie Gibbs and Madlib did with 2019′s Bandana, this project is a great lesson on what MC and Producer chemistry can sound like when both parties are 100% on the same page when it comes to message, tone, and aesthetic goals.

It would make sense that Boldy James would fall into the Griselda fold, because much like Westside Gunn, Conway The Machine and Benny The Butcher, he comes from a city with a rich rap music scene that still struggles to reach the level of exposure that the NYCs, L.A.’s, Chicago's and Atlanta’s have basked in for so long. He writes from a place of “been there, done that”, showing a rich attention to detail that separates his street tales from that of his peers in the same way someone telling a story second or third hand can’t match the level of detail that an eye witness has saved in the memory bank. Boldy has survived both real world and music business challenges to rise from the ashes of “hey whatever happened to so & so, he was about to blow” conversations to reach a new peak in his mid-30′s. He deserved this suite of incredible Alchemist soundscapes (Al is deep in his bag here, delivering some of his most low-key impressive instrumentals in years), and like his super-producer buddy, Boldy is looking down at us from atop an already prolific 2020 at its’ midpoint.

I’m not sure anyone can match the chemistry that Prodigy and Mobb Deep had with The Alchemist, but in 2020, The Price of Tea in China delivers some of the most brutally subdued, occasionally humorous, stripped down rap records since P was throwing TV’s at us like he had nothing left to lose. If The Price of Tea in China isn’t holding the championship at year’s end, it still deserves to be mentioned as an impressive work by one of the strongest title-worthy unions running the pick and roll in the genre today.

2. Àdá Irin by Navy Blue

Okay let’s be honest: the “sub-genre” that is often referred to as lo-fi rap music (whether you consider it an actual lane or not, I know you know what I’m talking about...which I suppose proves its’ existence, right?), is beginning to suffer from the same affliction that all other sub-genres tend to suffer from once the word is out that this is “the thing” that the kids find trendy right now. A lot of folks in this lane sound *exactly* the same to the average listener. I’m not even the average listener, and I often feel that way. The irony that comes with being part of the sound that’s supposed to be bucking the mainstream clone machine turning into a mini-clone machine itself, means that the window is in danger of closing to avoid over-saturation of the artists that are already thriving between the gravelly, whisper-welcoming walls of Soundcloud URLs and Bandcamp EPs being slid to their heady fanbase with zero promotion. So with that all being said...why give Navy Blue a chance?

Navy Blue lacks the name recognition of many of his peers (for now), but he has now been thriving in the lo-fi pocket for some time as both a MC and producer, a young artist that’s closely connected to the lane’s most famous figureheads (Earl Sweatshirt, and to some extent, Mach-Hommy), as well as less heralded trailblazers like MIKE and the whole sLUms collective. Sure you can check out Navy’s Soundcloud page to get a taste of his work, but with this Àdá Irin album, we don’t just hear raw snippets of a freshly discovered unsigned talent. With this album we hear Navy as a self-assured solo artist, capable of sharing an inspirational song with the likes of Ka and sounding like every bit of the veteran next to the iconic soft-spoken lyricist. This is a very, very impressive debut full length album that showcases the best that the (sub)genre has to offer: some experimentation, jazzy loops, the diary-like intimacy of words that sit like dust on an old basement book shelf, and the raw emotions that come from working through love, pain and loss in real time. In 2020 there may be nothing completely new under the sun, but it’s the aesthetic choices that Navy Blue makes with every verse and every instrumental that make Àdá Irin feel like a perfect balance of beauty and sadness. If you want to dip a toe in this water but you’re not sure you can get into the mumblecore-ish world of MIKE, MAVI, Medhane or Earl’s work from the past two years, this Navy Blue album might actually be the perfect intro.

3. A Written Testimony by Jay Electronica (featuring JAY-Z)

Not a lot of positive breaking news in 2020...but when Jay Electronica surprised Twitter with a few cryptic Tweets back in February, implying that he was dropping an album (and Jay-Z would likely be involved), the rap game was set ablaze with excitement, skepticism, disbelief, and hope (albeit with some measured caution there as well).

This is something that fans, and arguably the entire rap world, had been clamoring for for a decade, many long since moving on believing that Jay Elec’s debut album had gone the way of Detox, sharing “1a & 1b” status as the most eagerly anticipated projects none of us seriously expected to hear.

Then it dropped....and then it went. In a Twitter-run rap world, quality is too often measured by how long a piece of art stays within the “trending” mix, as opposed to...well, whether or not it’s actually good! The truth is, A Written Testimony is not just good, it’s very, very good, and while it’s not the “Illmatic 2″ that some may have been expecting, realistically it’s superior to what I imagined a new project from such a reclusive artist would sound like in 2020. If you at least try to table the expectations laid out when “Exhibit C” came out in 2009...I think you will find a project (it’s up to you whether or not you want to count this a “solo debut” or not, but at this point, it’s new Jay Electronica - can we just leave it at that??) stacked with memorable moments, quotable gems throughout, stellar production (this is one of the best produced projects of 2020 by far, not sure how/why this piece of the puzzle would receive anything less than acclaim), and some moments of questionable preaching made more palatable by a strong overall voice and package.

Jay Electronica raps with conviction throughout, and while the project feels brief, it lasts long enough to be more than a quick feeling, even if many feel that it’s not long enough to feel like a full album. If "Exhibit C" was the teaser then this is the redband trailer, flashing enough skill and details to resonate for far longer than its’ duration. Much has been said about the heavy hand of JAY-Z on most of the project’s 7 tracks, but let’s be clear, this is not Watch The Throne 2 (even though at points, it may feel like something along those lines). Yes, in impressive fashion, Hov comes through riding shotgun to show a deeper shade of one of his more complex dimensions, with many of his rhymes begging for dissection with every bar. However, AWT features a JAY-Z that’s rapping through Jay Electronica’s lens, not by any means where 4:44 or Everything Is Love left off. This is definitely a Jay Electronica album. AWT dives in and out of Jay Electronica’s beliefs in broad strokes that appear and disappear rather quickly, but even when certain verses raise more questions than provide answers, every song still has at least a handful of the gripping words that remind us of what made Jay Elec-Hanukkah sound like the chosen one in the first place (his tussle with writer’s block and hesitation to put out any art make for some of the projects most engaging moments).

If A Written Testimony is the last Jay Electronica album we ever here - which I truly hope it is not the case - it is still a memorable piece of work. So if you were one of the folks that moved on from it after the “surprise” of Jay finally dropping a project subsided, I hope you change that stance and revisit it once again.

4. Descendants of Cain by Ka

“Quiet and frigid disposition, growin' up in the cold / Surprised I ain't get high from what I was low enough to behold / Like when Pops shot at the neighbor's shop, put one in his head / He knew how he grew me, threw me the gun, a hundred, and fled / Didn't play, 'fore po' arose dispose of exhibit A / I was raised to age a few years in a day / If not elite, didn't eat if you didn't pray / As much as I heal, had to deal, all my scars are here to stay / Our senseis spent days peddling / Our heroes sold heroin.” - Ka, “Patron Saints”

He makes it seem almost too easy. If the writing wasn't so gripping, you might not even revisit it. Ka’s Descendants of Cain arrived with little fanfare, except for the collective awe of his humble but religiously devoted fan-base. The religious devotion is an important piece here, as Cain adds to Ka’s quietly impressive discography another strong album that leans on classic scribes as inspiration to spin poignant metaphors on Brooklyn street philosophy.

This time, the classic work is the Christian Bible, and Ka being the brilliant MC/poet that he is, seems to have little trouble working with the medium to preach without sounding preachy, and wax familiar-sounding nostalgia over wax that sounds as dusty as it feels fresh, rich, and urgent. Producing much of the album himself, along with a few trusted collaborators, the album’s strength is in its’ density, as each song feels like it requires a pause to unpack every bar...and to be honest, that’s exactly the type of attention this work deserves. If you missed this one in the first half of 2020′s feverish dump of new releases, you need to remedy that immediately.

5. Pray for Paris by Westside Gunn

If The Alchemist is the overall rap music MVP for his many contributions to 2020 thus far, Westside Gunn may deserve at least a few honorable mentions. From becoming the ambassador of Buffalo New York to stepping up as an ambassador of the underground rap resurgence, I don’t think any other rap artist has done more to run with the torch that Roc Marciano has been waving for a damn decade than the Griselda mastermind. If you happened to hear Gunn name-dropping to Peter Rosenberg on Rosenberg’s long-standing Real Late show on Hot 97, you know exactly what I mean. Shouting-out close allies and lesser known peers alike, Gunn’s presence proudly announced the underground movement’s invasion of the highly known New York City radio station. It felt like ECW invading WWE’s Monday Night Raw all over again. Of course Gunn’s voice was met with more ears than usual during that interview, since that appearance came hot off the heels of the release of his much discussed side project turned full-blown album, Pray for Paris.

By now most fervent rap fans know the story behind the album (a project that miraculously arrived to completion while Gunn was suffering from the affects of coronavirus), but for many Pray for Paris is the introduction to the story of Griselda Records and the world that they revel in. If Conway the Machine and Benny the Butcher are responsible for the Griselda team’s grittiest street tales, Westside Gunn’s success leans on his ability to blur the line between all-too-real violence and cartoon violence, splattered with elite luxury references and shout-outs for his fellow wrestling addicts. The song titles are merely scattered trains of thoughts that may or may not have anything directly to do with a song’s actual meaning, it’s like naming your child ‘brunch in Williamsburg’ just because it was the last meal you happened to have that day. An audience brought up on Lil Wayne as the God MC may be completely lost at the appeal, but audiences brought up on Wu, DOOM and Sean Price know exactly what vibe Westisde Gunn is going for.

At times Gunn can come across as more of a talent curator than a stand alone MC, so if this is the album that takes Gunn to the next level as a rap star, it would make him the most unselfish rap star to come along in some time. A rapper doesn’t jump on an Alchemist produced track with the likes of Freddie Gibbs and Roc Marciano and expect to leave with anything but the Bronze medal. The same can be said for his chopped and screwed contribution to “Claiborne Kick”, which clearly belongs to Boldy James. That’s not to say that Gunn’s verse is a weak moment on any of the joints on Paris, but the fact that he consistently surrounds himself with high caliber writers confirms that he is well aware that the quality of the final product will be determined by the team involved, not just the artists’ name on the album cover.

For someone that considers himself more of an artist than a rapper, he continues to paint intriguing collages with every album, featuring him at the center of an ever-expanding portrait of MCs, producers, singers, designers, and dancers. Pray for Paris is a typical Griselda project that also happens to sport the potential of something larger than most of their fanbase ever imagined. Yes we get the dark backdrops, elite underground production, and quotables throughout, but we also get a few additional shades, as Gunn dabbles with a “beauty and the beast” dynamic that cleanly pairs his violent imagery with fashionista pomp and circumstance (which no doubt helped draw the likes of Wale and Tyler, the Creator to this project). But t’s all less of a solo album to push a mainstream solo career forward, and much more of a cannonball through the mainstream wall, just to allow some sunlight to shine on his people...and his city, for that matter - because best believe, Paris may be the inspiration behind the project but Buffalo, New York is still with him every step of the way.

6. Alfredo by Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist

A highly enjoyable surprise drop from two-thirds of the potent combination that gave us the fan favorite project that was Fetti (shout-out to Curren$y, though), Alfredo feels like the perfect treat to hold us over during these trying times. It feels rushed, but simultaneously sharp and activated. It has the feeling of a controlled experiment that was slapped together in separate rooms, rather than carefully curated by multiple artists hunched over the same mixer for days on end. Alfredo is more of a display of two power hitters putting on an impressive showing at a Home Run Derby, rather than the collaboration that has been slowly simmering for years...but that’s also part of the fun, because it feels like Al & Fredo (eh?) were just as excited to release it as we all were to hear it.

Neither party is reinventing the wheel here, but if you are going to have a rapper and a producer connect for an album of great rapping over great beats, you would be hard pressed to find a more natural pairing than these two. The Alchemist delivers with samples that channel the speakeasy jazz of an old piano, and Freddie is simply the king of hard-rap soul right now, so he excels on every song. There are moments of darkness, moments of hope, and moments of self reflection (Gibbs is a logical choice to swing haymakers back at cops abusing their power), all delivered by Freddie at a break-neck speed over Al's significantly less urgent production....as if Gibbs frantically spilled his guts to his buddy over the phone while Al was kickin’ back with a joint saying “uh-huh...yup, I hear ya man.” The final result is an effective one, if not a quick teaser of what a lengthier amount of collaboration time between the two might sound like. It should also be said that the guest verses on this album (especially those from Tyler, The Creator and Conway) took this album up a few spots on this ‘best of’ list. Alfredo is easily one of the strongest surprises of 2020.

7. Reasonable Drought by Stove God Cook$ and Roc Marciano

There is a tradition in the rap music biz that newer/younger artists are often shepherded along by more seasoned artists in order to insure that the less experienced artist is blessed with the built-in audience that comes with a co-sign. It doesn’t always work, but typically the initiation comes with a solid musical foundation on a debut project accompanied by a greener MC still finding his/her way. Not the case with Stove God Cook$, he is perhaps the most unexpectedly fresh MC to be cut from classic rap cloth since Griselda & Mach-Hommy began to build cult-like followings.

While Reasonable Drought (and seriously, how bold of a title is that for a debut!?) is blessed by the impressive production and mentorship of underground rap icon Roc Marciano, it truly is the lesser known MC himself that captures the imagination right from the get-go. When I say that in my life time, I cannot recall such a strong debut performance by a MC that I have heard virtually no work from prior to his 2019 emergence, with the help of minimal publicity/ad budget (if any? Cook$ was barely on social media until *after* his album had already been released) on his way to dropping an album with zero features...then you should take my recommendation very seriously. Fresh style, some of the most rewind-worthy quotables in recent memory (an Uncle Buck reference!? Bow down, people), and a new following built exclusively on the word of mouth of equal-minded folks that were blown away by a project many copped on a passing whim... it’s clear that this moment could be the beginning of an amazing, fascinating career.

Similar to Roc Marciano before him, Cook$ possesses a rare flare with his wordplay and delivery that makes even the ugliest tales of coke dealing and disrespectful criminal activity sound like the colorful exploits of a post-Blaxploitation hero. He delivers every bar with the uber-specific word choice of Roc, but the outgoing swag of a Max B. The man that has people that never touched cocaine in their life singing that they’re “smelling like a brick right now”, is smelling like a winner in 2020 and beyond.

8. Battle Scar Decorated by Monday Night & Henny L.O.

Last call to board the Mutant Academy bandwagon!

I have been saying that this deep underground collective of MCs & producers has been low key having a banner year all year long, and scrolling through this list you can see exactly what I mean. Henny L.O. is too good to be slotted as just a battle rapper, while Monday Night is far too strong of a presence to be considered a mere associate of the core Mutant team. When you think of Mutant Academy and their respective affiliated acts, think of them as a gathering of solo artists that happen to make dope rap music together, but all parties involved are capable of standing on their own two. I think that’s what consistently impresses me about their projects...hat, and the lack of filler material.

Along with a deep Rolodex of mostly under-the-radar talent, the hunger and confidence of a thriving Richmond, Viriginia rap scene is present on every track of Battle Scar Decorated. Much like many of my favorite albums of 2020, there is no reinventing of the wheel here, the triumph is in the execution. Monday & Henny tag in and out, each with the confidence that they have spit the best verse on the song before they have even finished. It’s that level of ability combined with a shocking amount of production talent that makes Battle Scar Decorated essential listening to anyone that wants to be reminded of a vibe that hasn’t been in abundance in the underground rap scene since L.A. in the late 90′s. It wouldn’t be fair to talk about how much I enjoyed this project without including the great producers involved, so a big s/o to: Sycho Sid, C.R.I.S.T.E.N, James Couch, Savvy, Heather Grey, and Ewonne.

9. Eastern Medicine, Western Illness by Preservation

Accompanied by a who’s who of underground hip-hop’s finest (Roc Marciano, Mach-Hommy, Your Old Droog, Quelle Chris, Nickelus F, Tree, Navy Blue, Billy Woods, Ka *and more* - I mean seriously!?), Preservation has assembled an impressively cohesive compilation album both sonically and thematically.

Incorporating record samples from his travels in China, Eastern Medicine, Western Illness feels born in simplicity even though it is anything but a casual collection of dope verses over tightly wound production. A quietly gifted producer, Preservation knows how to squeeze the best out of his guests without shouting the results through the speakers, the choices are more subtle but yield a high impact and replay value. Listening to the project feels more like listening to a secret, unreleased project, because it’s hard to believe that this much talent would gift this much high caliber writing to a compilation of songs...although that was not uncommon in the 90′s and early 00′s (ah, I’m showing my old age again). Perhaps that’s a testament to Preservation’s vision, a DJ/producer with a relatively small catalog built on curated quality (see his fantastic 2015 collaboration with Ka on Days With Dr. Yen Lo). Eastern Medicine has enough talent involved that it could have been a worthy listen even if it was just as a hodgepodge of donated loosies, so the fact that the final product is so much more than that makes it an album that warrants a great deal of more attention.

10. The Allegory by Royce Da 5′9″

No accomplished lyricist makes life harder on himself than Royce Da 5′9″. Be it his tendency to cram personal observations and disclosures in and around his punchlines, or experimenting production wise, the Detroit veteran is intent on finding new ways to approach fine wine music, tossing more complex offerings into his catalog over the past few years. Things are no different with The Allegory.

Not only did Royce once again pen an album that speaks to his ability to cope with his own past and present, he inserts himself in the producer chair as well, addressing the trials and tribulations of the increasingly problematic world around him, over backdrops crafted by only his hand a a few trusted peers. The effect is mostly successful, with the production exceeding the expectations of many (myself included), while the writing is at times both thought-provoking and in need of further exploration on Royce’s part. The guest features range from effective to scene stealing (not because Royce ‘s verse is outshined, but there are moments where it seems as if the guest is better suited over Royce’s own production than he is). If you’re Royce Da 5′9″ and you release an album titled The Allegory, no one should expect a simple quick fix of bars over easily digestible instrumentals. The highs come in abundance, and while the lows come in small trip-ups and the occasional skit that the listener probably could have done without, you get the sense that with some editing and further focus of his lofty goals, his sermons could have been sharpened into a more effective analysis of many of his topics (the music business, being black in America, history, conspiracy theories), resulting in an incredible album instead of a very good one. Nevertheless, it is all worth the ride to hear the latest work from one of rap music’s most gifted MC’s from the past decade. If The Allegory isn’t a home-run, it’s at the very least a strong base hit.

Top 50 (all belong in the Top 10-25, but...there’s only 25 spots in the Top 25, soooo):

11. Cold Water by Medhane

12. Shrines by Armand Hammer

13. Bag Talk by yungmorpheus & Pink Siifu

14. Try Again by ovrkast.

15. RTJ4 by Run The Jewels

16. Noise Kandy 4 by Rome Streetz

17. Innocent Country 2 by Quelle Chris

18. Weight of the World by MIKE

19. Sages by Henny L.O. & Ohbliv

20. Milestones by Skyzoo

21. Carpe Noctem by Big Ghost Ltd

22. Lake Water by SeKwence

23. At the End of the Day. by Fly Anakin

24. Sole Food by Deniro Farrar

25. The Oracle 3 by Grafh

26. The Blue Tape by Tree

27. lo&behold by lojii

28. Infinite Wisdom by Lord Jah-Monte Ogbon

29. FULL CIRCLE by Medhane

30. UNLOCKED by Denzel Curry & Kenny Beats

31. The Throwaways by The Opioid Era

32. Anyways by Young Nudy

33. PTSD (Deluxe) by G Herbo

34. Holly Favored by Monday Night & Foisey

35. THE GOAT by Polo G

36. Demon & Mufasa by Yhung T.O. & DaBoii

37. The Face of Jason by ANKHLEJOHN

38. My Turn by Lil Baby

39. No One Mourns the Wicked by Conway & Big Ghost Ltd.

40. Two4one by Jay Worthy

41. Free Drakeo by Drakeo

42. Alone Time by YL

43. Assata by CV$ a.k.a. Con$piracy & Teller Bank$

44. Thug Tear by Big Kashuna O.G. & Monday Night

45. Ways and Means by Rasheed Chappell & 38 Spesh

46. IMMORTALKOMBAT by Al Divino & Estee Nack

47. Young & Turnt 2 by 42 Dugg

48. Sleeper Effect by Sleep Sinatra

49. Juno by Che Noir & 38 Spesh

50. LULU by Conway & The Alchemist

THE REST OF THE BEST (all belong in the Top 50 releases of 2020, but..what can I say, blame 2020 for being such a stacked year for music/events I guess):

Black Schemata by yungmorpheus, The Smartest by Tee Grizzley, Polly by the Powder Keg by Chuck Chan & Pad Scientist, High Off Life by Future, Gotham City Album by Plex Diamonds, Memphis Massacre 2 by Duke Deuce, Poetic Substance by RIM & Vinyl Villain, Styles David: Ghost Your Enthusiasm by Styles P, MF Bloo by Bloo & Spanish Ran, LSD by The Leonard Simpson Duo & Guilty Simpson, Funeral by Lil Wayne, RAW UNKNOWN by Spectacular Diagnostics, Nezzie’s Star by Eddie Kaine, ShrapKnel (self-titled), The Bluest Note by Skyzoo & Dumbo Station, WUNNA by Gunna, Get Money Teach Babies by Heist Life & Spanish Ran, Open Casket by Killer Kane, 6 Rings by Yung Mal, The Beauty of It by Eto, Meet The Woo 2 by Pop Smoke, Fresh Air by UFO Fev & Statik Selektah, Vito by Vince Ash, GRIMM & EViL by GRiMM Doza, RUDEBWOY by CJ Fly, Rocket to Nebula by Killah Priest, EVERYTHING by Kota the Friend, NO Blade of Grass by V Don, Eternal Atake by Lil Uzi Vert, I’m My Brother’s Keeper by Yella Beezy & Trapboy Freddy, Carhartt Champions by Tree Mason, Viral Viral! by Dunbar, Rowhouse Whispers by Ray West & Zilla Rocca, Magneto Was Right #4 by Raz Fresco, DUMP LIFE by Tha God Fahim, Jay NiCE & Left Lane Didon, Burn One, Tap In, Zone Out by Dot Demo, FNTG: From Niggaz to Godz by Squeegie O, PANAGNL4E, Vol. 2 by Los and Nutty, Death 2 All Haterz 2 by Rigz & Symph, Thank You For Using GTL by Drakeo & JoogSzn, Adjust to the Game by Larry June, Martyr’s Prayer by Elcamino & 38 Spesh, BETTER by Deante’ Hitchcock, Attack of the Future Shocked, Flesh Covered, Meatbags of the 85 by $ilkMoney, No Cosign Just Cocaine 3 by Ty Farris, Hear No Equal by Chuuwee, MSYKM by Tsu Surf, Your Birthday’s Cancelled by Iron Wigs, Spring Clean by Curren$y & Fuse, Arctic Plus Degrees (The Sun Don’t Chill Allah) by Planet Asia & DirtyDiggs, Psychological Cheat Sheet by Vic Spencer, Glass 2.0 by Meyhem Lauren & Harry Fraud, Trust the Chain by Planet Asia & 38 Spesh, Director’s Cut (Scene Two) by Ransom & Nicholas Craven, and Son Of A Gun by Key Glock.

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jemfisch · 4 years

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⌠ MASON GOODING, 21, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, JEREMY “JEM” FISCHMAN II! according to their records, they’re a SECOND YEAR year, specializing in ADVANCED ENCRYPTION & “MACGUYVER” SURVIVAL SKILLS AND NAVIGATION; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (old hip hop blaring from headphones, a broken crtv with the cords ripped out and repurposed, the smell of spray paint graffiti, brightly colored shirts with 80s patterns). when it’s the (cancer)’s birthday on 06/23/99, they always request their ICE CREAM SANDWICHES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ kati, 24, she/her, est ⍀ @gallagherintro

STATS / PINTEREST / CONNECTIONS / CLASSES

INSPIRATION

fox mulder (the x files)

hogarth hughes (the iron giant)

will turner (pirates of the carribean)

robin hood

george weasley (harry potter)

aladdin

spike spiegel (cowboy bebop)

mark watney (the martian)

BACKGROUND + CLICK FOR BIO

his parents were high school sweethearts and married just before they attended college at harvard together, securing careers at the kennedy space center.

jeremy fischman sr dies under mysterious circumstances in a lab accident and ellen is twenty-eight and left alone to raise baby jem. things only go downhill from here. jeremy was the love of her life and she becomes obsessed with his disappearance and all kinds of conspiracy theories, blows a bunch of her money. it doesn’t take long for her to be fired, savings blown on expensive equipment or sunk into internet hoaxes

they move to a rough neighborhood in gainesville where jem grows up. he likes jem, not jeremy, jeremy is his father. he’s never experienced the perfect life his parents used to live, the white picket fence, the shiny space shuttles. he’s only got this, and honestly, he doesn’t hate it.

the neighborhood’s rough, but there’s a lot of fun characters, and his mom is practically his best friend – aside from his next-door neighbor, NOAH WARD.

jem’s mom does odd hacking jobs from the comfort of their home. some of them are shadier than others, she makes connections with a lot of private investigators in town and looks into people’s cheating husbands and tracks down birth parents and missing people. she does pro bono work too, a kindhearted woman, she can never say no to those in need, even if she’s not so fortunate herself. as jem gets older, he learns everything that he knows from her

every summer vacation growing up, jem and his mom would pack their bags and make home in a camper van, traveling across the country. in some ways, this was great mother-son bonding, but this wasn’t why they did it. his mom never gave up looking for the truth about her husband, but hacking into secure, top-secret government databases is nothing like hacking into the gainesville city hall, it’s hard work, and they travel around the country methodically so that their signal cannot be traced. every summer they get close, but never close enough.

when noah moves away for college, jem stays home. he’s not comfortable leaving his mom.

he keeps up with hacking jobs and keeping up with looking for his dad on the side. he doesn’t think they’ll ever find him, his mom holds out hope but jem is eighteen years old and a bit more jaded now, he figures the guy’s just really dead and well, the conspiracy of it all matters less and less when he knows that either way, he’s still grown up without him.

a lot of jem’s social life is online, whether it’s friends from hacking forums or via soundcloud.

when he’s not hacking, he’s making music. his passions of technology and music mix and he creates his own beats and soundcloud, mashing together songs, and even putting together a popular meme track or two used on tiktok.

it’s actually a bit lucrative, but that’s not why he does it. doesn’t even really use his name, catch him on soundcloud…username? uncutjems.

every time he and his mom get close to finding his dad, there’s just more to do, and it’s almost like someone KNOWS what they’re doing.

jem’s right about that – he is being watched. since noah’s admission to gallagher, recruiters have been aware of the boy who taught her everything she knew.

when gallagher makes the choice to start allowing male students, an agent shows up at his door offering him a once in a lifetime chance at a free education.

jem doesn’t have any strong ambition to go into espionage, per say, but he won’t say no to advanced classes taught by some of the world’s brightest minds – and a chance to reunite with his best friend. however, he hasn’t stopped trying to get into the government’s records and still has ambitions of going into music production.

PERSONALITY.

INTUITIVE. jem has a natural intuition about things and he trusts himself and his own opinions about things. i suppose you could perceive this as confidence, but honestly he’s just really SMART, good at absorbing facts even subconsciously and putting things together about people or situations. in a sense, he has a habit of being correct – he definitely comes off as intelligent, even though his grades in school have never been very good. he just has different priorities.

LOYAL. make a friend out of jem and you have a friend for life, he’ll take your secrets to the grade and he’s pretty trustworthy. he’s the type of guy that gets along with pretty much everyone but he has a few select, close friends because he is somewhat intentional about the company that he keeps. he’s friendly and kind, but he keeps his inner circle of people he trusts close and somewhat exclusive.

PROTECTIVE. kind of has papa bear energy, you know ? maybe the dad friend of your friend group, but in a laid back way, he might not seem like he’s the type to spring into action but call someone close to him a rude name and you’ll see his fist coming at your face. he’s protective but not possessive, i guess is how i would describe it, but i think he gives pretty good advice as well because he’s really hoping the best for ppl.

MALINGERING. jem is kind of a SLACKER! at least, that’s what teachers have called him in the past, he simply does not dream of labor. he’s just kind of doing his own thing, will fake sick to skip a class, whatever else, even though he likes producing music he doesn’t really have a great ambition for anything, spy or otherwise. as long as he has a good computer setup, then he’s fucking chilling.

MOODY. he’s laid back to the umpteenth degree when it comes to work or obligations, but he does have sort of mood swings, i guess he’s the sort of person that you would describe as grumpy at times ? definitely NOT a morning person and when he’s in an off mood, he can be hard to interact with or snap out of.

DISORGANIZED. the sort of person to throw his stuff across the bed or leave piles of clothes on the floor to deal with later, maybe he’s not your favorite roommate for this reason. he has a habit of losing things that he just set down or whatever, things like that.

HEADCANONS.

tbh you can think of him like...beca in pitch perfect ! he’s here bc he was offered a free education and he’s cool with that, but he’d rather be pursuing a future in music. a damn good hacker, though, and the gallagher recruiters are hoping that with some ‘ambition’ he’ll want to work for the government someday.

played baseball throughout middle and high school and he’s fairly athletic – he can get pretty competitive when he plays, it kind of brings out a side in him that most people don’t expect to see because he’s fairly chilled out most of the time

a boss with a slingshot. there is no reason for this, but he had one as a kid and he used to chase squirrels away from the bird feeders outside their home. he has great eyesight and his aim is great, but it’s literally the only weapon he’s proficient in

he’s not tiktok famous for his face, but he has two tiktok famous songs...he’s made like 12k in record deals for selling the rights, it’s just the kind of shit that he does goofing around in music software and he has a good ear for what is going to be catchy

he’s NOT a morning person, definitely a late night kind of guy, will stay up until all hours just fucking around on the computer and then he’ll sleep until 1 or 2pm, at least. getting up for morning classes is a struggle for them and he has slept through them on occasion.

funky sweaters, crazy socks, fun-patterned shirts, he dresses a bit like a circus tent at times, but you can’t say that he doesn’t have style – he dresses well, but it’s like he’s stepped out of a 90s cartoon or something

if he makes u a playlist he either wants to be ur friend so fucking bad or he’s head over heels in love with u

really likes making new things with old technology, he loves taking the macguyver courses and learning new things and he’s actually built his own computer and a lot of his own musical instruments

usually has a couple bandaids because he’s a bit accident prone or can lose his focus when working in the lab. when he gets in his own head while working on a project, he literally cannot hear anything else – sort of selective hearing

likes fucking around with spray paint, if he can, he’s got a bit of an artistic streak and he doodles stickers on sticker paper sometimes. you can probably catch his tag around campus or even stuck to the latops of his close friends, it’s just a little man with a tv for a head.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

HACKING JOBS – if you STILL need a hacker for any of your wild backstory connections, jem is a great bet. he’s been doing paid jobs for people professionally since he could type, and he’s sort of an ace at getting in and out without leaving a trace...and he’s no gossip. so, your secrets would be safe with him.

SMOKING BUDDIES – people that he can smoke up with, talk about life, talk about the bullshit of gallagher, but also people he can laugh with that don’t make him feel stressed or concerned about the future.

MUSIC MAKING BUDDIES – if your character makes music, maybe they can collaborate on something...we’re about to drop the hottest mixtape of all time right here at gallagher academy i will teach myself garageband for this shit...jk but maybe

EX ON BAD TERMS – someone he dated last year...i’m imagining it was their first year and things were really great for the first semester, but shit fell apart second semester along with the school. maybe all the drama on campus caused distance, maybe he wasn’t there for them when they needed it, or maybe they got jealous of the way he always prioritizes noah ? a combination of things, we can hash out the details since i know some of you had some pretty angsty things going on second sem, and maybe it’s awkward now because it feels like there’s unfinished biz.

EX ON GOOD TERMS / LOVERS TO FRIENDS – maybe someone that was a rebound and things didn’t really work and they saw that, maybe he wasn’t over his ex or whatever but they were able to stay friends ? it’s up to you how your muse feels about it but i want an ex that jem also has no hard feels about and actually is maybe sort of protective of them and cares a lot about them finding happiness, they bonded hardcore.

EX-FLING – idk maybe they were hooking up for a while and then one of them started seeing someone else or one of them caught feels so they don’t hook up any more but it was super fun when they did !! also down for it to have been like a summer fling and once the summer ended.

BROS – idk i would like for him to have a squad or something for him to just fuck around with <3 but it’s wholesome and they respect women

ONLINE FRIEND (ANONYMOUS) – he spent a lot of time on forums online and stuff so i’d love for him to have an online friend !! maybe cute if they just know each other by their screen names rn and we can do a bunch of text chats and maybe they both know they go to gallagher but they simply. haven’t met idk

ONLINE FRIENDS – also friends he met online that aren’t anonymous they could’ve met through any number of forums but probably have similar interests like music or hacking so they’re long time homies , someone he’s known almost as long as noah

ONE NIGHT STAND – self explanatory. maybe they’re super good friends and now it’s kind of awkward now and they want to get back to a place of normalcy but it’s simply not normal, maybe they fucked things up by breakin the tension on like. halloween or some shit.

FRIENDZONED – someone jem accidentally friendzoned and maybe he doesn’t even realize it himself but they had a thing for him and he really just didn’t realize it bc he can’t tell unless you spell it out for him.

CLASS RIVALS – someone who tries really hard and cares about class a bunch vs. jem who doesn’t give a fuck but he keeps making the grade without really trying, so they’re ? bitter about it ? and so the two really do not hit it off because of that and they go back and forth , i just rly want a classroom rivalry. maybe even this rivalry and them nagging him actually motivates to try in the class just to piss them off

ENEMY – this person shared a secret with jem and then it somehow got out on the gossip blog idk ! they think jem told and now they hate him.

anything pls let’s chat !

#gallagher:intro

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secondhandnewsradio · 3 years

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SHN INTERVIEW: tinyumbrellas

by Claire Silverman

tinyumbrellas (aka DT) is a 17 year old singer-songwriter from the UK who has recently released her first single ‘Stardust’ onto Spotify.

CS: Hi DT, it’s so great to chat with you! I’ve actually been following you on Instagram for a couple of years now, when you started posting covers on Soundcloud. Now you’ve released your first original song on Spotify, Stardust. What was that like?

DT: Thanks for having me!! It's been really great to finally release music onto Spotify, as even though it’s something I wanted to do, I didn’t really see it as something that I could actually achieve this year! It’s been so nice to get something out into the world via a different platform after using soundcloud for so long.

CS: What prompted you to write Stardust? What made you choose that as your first single?

DT: I started writing my own songs about two years ago, just for fun. I started writing as a kind of therapeutic thing, like journaling but musically!! As part of a project for school this year (along with my A level subjects) I chose to write a bunch of songs, and Stardust was one of them, I think the inspiration really came from having such a big change this year as I had just left secondary school and started the next chapter of my life, meeting new people and experiencing new things, I wanted to write about the simple things and memories that are so precious just because of who they’re made with. I ended up quite liking this song, and after playing it to my friends they really encouraged me to share it, and as it was something i wanted to do too (even though it was very scary!!) I went for it!!

CS: What was the reception of your first single like? Were you nervous releasing it? Do you have a fun story of the first time you heard yourself on radio? I’ve loved playing Stardust on the SHN live shows this semester.

DT: Awh thank you so much!! It’s so crazy to know that Stardust has been played on the radio so far away from where I am!! The first time being on the radio for me I think was when you played one of my songs from soundcloud, I was shocked but very excited to think that someone chose my own song for their radio station!! Yes, I was so scared to release it, but also incredibly excited. I didn’t know what to expect at all, I just wanted to share it in any way I could. I submitted the song to my local radio station not expecting much, but they played it live which was absolutely incredible!! It made me so excited, and a few weeks later they asked to interview me on the radio too which was really fun, something I never thought I’d be doing!!

CS: I love the cover art for Stardust. Did you make it yourself?

DT: Thank you so much! Yeah I did, I was actually inspired a lot by @demiiwhiffin and her art for Orla Gartland’s music. I really liked the idea of collaging and thought it matched the homemade vibes of the music too.

CS: What’s been your favorite song to cover, either on Instagram or Soundcloud?

DT: Ooh that’s a good question. I think they’re all so fun in their own ways, due to how different they all are. Being able to create a cover in my own style is really interesting too. I think “Dancing in the Moonlight” was especially fun just because it was a collaborative effort with a friend, and also because we used kazoos!!

CS: Oh yes, I loved that one!

DT: Thanks!!

CS: Who are your music inspirations?

DT: I have so many ahhhhh!!! I have to give a special mention to dodie, as I think she really inspired me to start writing music and picking up the ukulele. I adore Cavetown’s songwriting and the softness of the sounds he creates. beabadoobee and chloe moriondo are just awesome artists. I really love just how cool their music is, I think that’s the only way to describe it. Eloise and Charlie Burg have been the artists that have been most influential to me recently, I just love how their music makes me feel most of all.

CS: Would you ever want to collaborate with any of them? (just put it out into the universe now!)

DT: I would jump at the first chance I get!!!! Absolutely, though I’m sure the chances are very slim hahahhh.

CS: Has your relationship with music changed at all since you started writing and releasing your own songs?

DT: Ooh I’ve definitely become a lot more appreciative of music. Learning more about production and songwriting has just made me have so much respect for the people that do this as their jobs, it’s incredible! For me, it’s really become part of who I am, being able to connect with music how I do now is a lot different to what it was like before, it’s also how I express myself too by songwriting instead of just driving myself insane with thoughts.

CS: You play ukulele and guitar (and the kazoo of course), are there any other instruments you’d like to learn?

DT: Hahahhh yesssss!!! I would really love to learn drums because they add so much to a song and I just wanna know how they work, also people just look so cool when they play drums! Playing piano too would be really awesome, I wish I had learnt it when I was younger.

CS: How did you choose the name tinyumbrellas?

DT: It was a random decision really. I started this Instagram page (@tinyumbrellahs) before I knew I wanted to start sharing music on it, and tinyumbrellahs was a random name that didn’t have any connotations to my own name (I didn’t want people from school finding the account...). My mum was wearing a shirt that had patterns of tiny umbrellas on so I just thought okay that will do. When I actually started releasing music I thought about changing the name but I didn’t want to use my own name and I couldn’t think of anything else so I just stuck with it.

CS: What do you do outside of music?

DT: I'm at school at the moment studying for my A levels, that takes up a lot of my time. I also dance which is really fun!

CS: How do you balance school and music?

DT: I think I primarily focus on getting my schoolwork done, and make music when I have time as a reward because I know it’ll be fun. I never treat music as an obligation which I think works well for me because I never feel like I have to be working on something. I just make music when I want to and when I feel inspired (which ends up being a lot of the time!!) But having said that a lot of my music is made in procrastination from schoolwork.

CS: Do you have any new music coming in the future that you can tell us about?

DT: There’s no plans set in stone at the moment but I am working on some songs that I really want to share, so next year should hopefully be good for new music.

CS: What are your favorite songs at the moment?

DT: The ‘This Thing Called Living’ EP by Eloise has some of my favourite songs of all time so definitely that, ‘GIRL ON TV’ by chloe moriondo too, and ‘To Dance Is To Love’ by Charlie Burg!

CS: Thanks so much for spending the time to do this interview. I’m very excited to see what you do in the future! And good luck on your A levels!

DT: Thank you so much to you too!! It’s such a pleasure to have you reach out, thanks for playing my music on your show!!!

Follow DT:

Instagram: @tinyumbrellahs

Twitter: @tinyumbrellahs

Soundcloud: ☆ tinyumbrellas ☆

Youtube: tinyumbrellas

Spotify: tinyumbrellas

Originally published at @SHNradio on Instagram November 25, 2020

#second hand news #shn radio #shn interview #tinyumbrellas #stardust #signal #jam on neptune #demiiwhiffin #orla gartland #eloise #cavetown #charlie burg #chloe moriondo #beabadoobee

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beatsfortheillperth · 4 years

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Words with Jetson

Our next interview is with a producer and rapper out of a beautiful place known as Tauranga, in New Zealand, This creative is known as Jetson.

He happens to be one of my cat, Rain's personal favourites for sleep time and regardless of the amount of thumping bass Jetson's music creates and picture frames it knocks over, I understand why he sleeps so sweetly.

Probably a lot to do with the fact that bass has rhythm, just like the sweet sweet words Jetson correlates with his word-plays in tracks such as "Milk" and "SENSEI". Not only impressing cats, Jetson has made moves and connections beyond the long white cloud, proving isolation doesn't always silence brilliance. Jetson brings words any generation can hold some sort of relevance to, words that allow one to notice life moves fast and slow and sometimes you just have to chill and become an observer rather than an instigator.

This is something I feel Jetson has accomplished with his rather low-key approach to releases and interviews.

Jetson is a natural, a true prodigy of sound and a sharer of moods, and to me, is a reminder that with a little bit of passion and persistence, great things can happen, whatever your field.

Jetson’s collective and label - Chill Children is evidence of that, as through it , Jetson is able to work and release with producers and beat-makers all over the globe.

emo the optimist, BACKWHEN, fuyu, eets, and junyii are just some of the diverse talents working with Chill Children and everyone on the catalogue are game-changers that make music that’s anointed in chills.

Creators that push boundaries and portray emotion through sound in the most soothing way, one must check Chill Children.

So with that I hope you enjoy rare words with the nuance wonder, and in his own words.

Sit back, relax, get baked, create, f**k it.

Enjoy and much love.

Hey man thanks for the opportunity to share words. Let's start with a few random quick questions to get things going. Favourite Beverage: Lemon water. Favourite thing to do in your down-time: Make music/skate. Views on Reincarnation: It will be cool if it is true but I guess it doesn't really change anything if it is 🤷‍♂️ Favourite Food: Sushi. Favourite Album of All Time: Tribe Called Quest - Midnight Marauders A song to break it down to: Ethereal & Playboi Carti - Beef A song to chill to: Durand Jones & The Indications - Cruising to the park Do you prefer Sunrise? or Sunset? Why?: Sunset, because I'm never awake for sunrise. A childhood memory in regards to music: I remember saving up to buy Graduation by Kanye West and listening to that shit front to back for weeks straight. Favourite Place to be: Probably on an island.

Thanks for that, so let's start by asking what inspires you to produce and not only produce but continually produce, what to me is an array of tunes fitting so many genres?

Do you have a set of goals in place when you release a track or do you just hit upload and just hope people are feeling your sound?

What I like to listen to is constantly changing so I like to challenge myself to try and make the things that I'm inspired by.

I like to think that you never know what you're gonna get when you listen to my music but I've still got so much to learn and experiment with. I just try have fun with it and not think about it too much.

How long have you been producing music, and what did you find was hardest to get the hang of when it first came to producing beats?

I had no music theory knowledge or anything when I started making beats (I still don't have much) so there was a lot to learn right away.

Probably the hardest thing that I still battle with is knowing what you should release, what you shouldn't etc. It's hard to balance knowing when something is finished and when it still needs work.

Could you give a quick run-through of the process you follow when it comes to making a beat?

I try to change my process as much as I can to keep things fresh and fun for myself. But I really enjoy hearing a sample somewhere like keys, a quote or a rapper I want to remix, then I start working with that piece and see where it goes.

I'll mess around with the beat for a while and sometimes a track comes out. It can take one day, it can take months. Just depends.

Oldies are always goodies in my books and I have to mention your "bumps from 2014" mixtape, it truly is something special.

What inspired those little bumps? What were you doing back then? Also, can you remember the mood you were in when you made them?

I'm glad you like it haha. That was when I really had no clue what I was doing in terms of making beats, I was making all of those 'off the grid' in Ableton so I was placing drums in random places, I had no idea what bpm the samples were or anything. I really didn't know wtf I was doing, just going off of a vibe.

My mood was really just being excited about making music, I was living in the basement at my mum's house blasting beats on the speakers all day.

[bumps from 2014] - https://soundcloud.com/sleepgodd/bumps-from-2014

You are also a rapper. My favourite NZ rapper to be more precise so thank you for the vibes you create. How did you find out you had it in you to rap and how old were you?

Damn, I appreciate that ✌️ I started rapping with a friend of mine, Jesse aka j cafe when we were around 20. We'd sit in my room smoking weed, and free-styling over beats on Soundcloud all night.

Then we decided to make a track, so we found a beat and jumped in the closet to record some vocals on the laptop microphone.

We put it up on Soundcloud and I've been addicted to making music ever since.

Link to j cafe’s Soundcloud here - https://soundcloud.com/j-cafe

Cover art for Jetson’s 2019 rap release - bluntscraps

Album cover art by Takuroh Toyama

When did you first start rapping in front of others? What did it feel like in the beginning compared to now when you perform live?

I was insanely nervous the first time I ever did anything live and that feeling really hasn't left me lol.

Except now I know how to deal with nerves a bit better and actually enjoy the whole experience of doing something live.

I definitely think I'm a lot better now than my first time doing it, but I still kinda suck 😂 Staying on topic with your rapping, material-wise you have mad skills, your music is forever helping me chill out so thank you.

When did you start writing down your words and turning them into structured songs? Do you have any other artists that inspire your writing style?

When I was younger I really liked the flow of rappers rather than what they were actually saying.

Dudes like MF Doom and Earl Sweatshirt really influenced me at the start wanting to come up with lines that were catchy and different.

To form an actual track I usually just mumble over beats to get the flow, then I start placing words in the spots where I think they fit.

Does your family know you make music? If so what do they think of it, any dance parties in the Jetson Family Household?

My immediate family all know and support my music. My mum used to have one of my tracks as her ringtone for years lol.

No jetson dance parties yet, but seems like every year more people in my extended family know about my music.

You were also a member of NZ Duo, Chill Children of which you rap and produce with yet another kiwi talent, both having low-key approaches when it comes to presenting yourselves through social media. What happened with that?

Me and J Cafe started Chill Children as a rap project in the early days but we moved to different places in the world and started doing our own solo projects so things sort of stopped happening with it.

I still credit those times with really getting me started on music though. He's still making dope shit and we'll probably link up on a track soon.

So then it became a sort of collective community, and through your Chill Children Soundcloud, you allow a platform for other artists to have their music heard.

Much Love on the concept, What inspired you to start sharing other artists music and what keeps you sharing? I'm very grateful btw, too many gems.

I work on music a lot with my friend emo the optimist (aka kodama) and we always wanted to run a label/collective kind of thing so we could release music from artists that we really liked.

After me and Jesse started doing our own thing, Chill Children seemed like the perfect place to start doing that.

It's one of my favorite things to work on as we have a hand in working with the artists on every release. I just love that we're able to share so much music that we really like with the world.

Check Chill Children here -

Bandcamp - https://chillchildren.bandcamp.com/

Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/chillchildren

Instagram - @chillchildren

Any new Chill Children material we should keep an eye out for?

We always have new music from new artists dropping so definitely follow our instagram/twitter if you want to stay updated on it.

We're currently working on a phonk compilation with guys like DJ Yung Vamp, Genshin etc. It's gonna be crazy 🤯

Back to your solo releases through your alias Jetson. What made you want to start putting out your material alone? Also, do you have a favourite Jetson release?

I really felt like I had to release music solo to see what I could do.

I've learned so much about myself through that process, became more confident and a better musician.

Probably my favorite rap track I've made is called 'Escape'.

Not many people have heard it but it's on Spotify and other places.

My favorite beat I've made is probably 'dylan rieder'.

Have to ask, are you working on any new releases we should keep an ear out for? If so, what can we expect with your coming releases?

I just released an album on Bandcamp called THROWED TAPES which was really influenced by DJ screw and other phonk producers.

I'm working on a lofi R&B tape for Bandcamp, a lofi beat tape, and I really want to release a rap EP.

Who knows when those will come out though haha

Taking it back a little to your rapping again I have to mention "Milk". What inspires the words in this track?

Also please share the story behind your track "Melancholy"? The words are somewhat mesmerizing, thank you!

With milk, I just heard the beat from bsd.u and really wanted to make something weird that just followed the flow of the beat.

On melancholy I tried to think about what I was saying a little more. The instrumental is so introspective and smooth I knew I had to come correct on it.

THROWED TAPES By Jetson, released August, 27, 2020

Musical Recommendations?

junyii - emo the optimist - knxwledge - j cafe - jesse james solomon - the smiths - dj yung vamp - shuggie otis - hm surf - alicks - MIKE - baccyard - meraki soul - steve hiett I could go on for days though lol

Creatives to keep an eye out for in music and art? Takuroh Toyama (photography) Moebius (visual art) Steve Hiett (photography/music) Any Last Words?

It really trips me out that people enjoy something I love to do so much.

So just thank you for vibing with me, I have a lot more to share ✌️

Support Jetson here -

Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/highimjetson

Bandcamp - https://jetsonbumps.bandcamp.com/

Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/artist/2bkf2PmiVyfCqg2uzIFIqJ

Twitter - https://twitter.com/jetsonbumps

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jetsonn/?hl=en

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youtube

Milk by Jetson (Production by bsd.u)

#soundcloud #spotify #bandcamp #jetson #rapper #producer #beatsfortheill #interview

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bngtanah · 4 years

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I'm (not) With The Band. | Prologue

summary: Adrienne is an indie producer who is hired to help co-produce BTS’ next album alongside their resident producer; Suga. Despite the initial opposition on both ends, the pair spend time together, share a few stories, dreams and aspirations and begin to hit it off really well. Wrapped up in the whirlwind of late nights and heated disagreements and reconciliations, Min Yoongi and Adrienne Rolle find themselves growing closer and closer. One night they decide to cross the barrier between personal and professional and do their best make a relationship work against all odds.

pairing: Min Yoongi x Named OC

genre: drama, romance, smut

chapters: prologue| o1| o2| o3| o4| o5| o6| o7| o8| o9| 10| 11|

warning: light angst, smut, fluff, workplace relationship, slow burn, sexual themes, ambw, enemies to friends to lovers, developing relationship

a/n: still a fool. still re-uploading.

"It's good money, Adrienne."

Adrienne rolled her eyes quickly underneath her eyelids and switched her attention away from the woman sitting next to her.

"I get that but there is no way I'm moving to Korea, I can't even find Korea on a map!"

Adrienne and her older sister had been having this roundabout conversation for at least an hour and a half with no end in sight since neither side seemed interested in giving in.

"So what are you going to do? Just stick around here and make amazing songs for shitty rappers and musicians that don't wanna pay you?" Danielle's voice was monotone and completely lacking any tangible emotion but Adrienne could understand that this was her sister's way of trying to appeal to her common sense. "An opportunity like this doesn't knock twice, little one."

Adrienne bit back a witty remark because despite how much she didn't want to admit it she knew that her sister was right. She was barely making ends meet with the seedy pool of customers she had now and the select few that actually paid her on time only wanted to shell out pennies for what Adrienne considered high-quality work. There were times over the past few months when the money wasn't coming in and reactions from her clientele had her seriously doubting her talent that Adrienne genuinely regretted not going to college. There was no a guarantee that she would have been any better off than she was now but the constant 'what if' always made her second guess her choices when things weren't going her way. Her life now wasn't perfect but it was comfortable, she rented an efficiency from one of her sister's friends and worked a few odd jobs here and there to keep up with the bills. It was a simple life that she enjoyed and Adrienne wasn't so sure she had the courage to give it up.

"Alright, let's say I go for it" Adrienne stated in a softer voice.

"What happens if I can't keep up or they hate all my songs or they hate me? I wouldn't be able to come back here as a failure and honestly, Dani I don't know if I have what it takes to do this." Her voice wavered with raw insecurity as she nervously she began pulling on the ends of one of her long braids.

If Adrienne was being honest with herself, her own self-doubts were the main obstacle holding her back from just accepting this job. She was reasonably excited about the thought of moving to a different country and Danielle; who was married and expecting a child of her own, was the only family she had left. It was time for her to stop depending on her for so much and start carving out her own place in the world.

"Do you really think they would have contacted you if they didn't think you were more than good enough?"

"To be honest, I don't know why they reached out to me in the first place. All the music on my SoundCloud is in English and I've never heard of this company before they emailed me."

"Because it's good, dumb-dumb!" Danielle exclaimed while tugging on one of her sister's braids. "What's the name of these people again, you know I have to google," She asked with her phone already in hand.

"BigHit, I already looked them up. It's legit"

Danielle nodded but dismissed Adrienne's statement with a flick of her wrist, she needed to research everything for herself if she was going to send her baby sister off to some strange company for a job that may not even be real.

"Seriously, Dani I've looked it up they are an actual music company" Adrienne leaned forward to snatch the phone out of her hands, "They told me that if I decide to work with them I'd be working with a boyband called BTS."

"Boyband? Those still exist?"

"Yes! I was so confused at first but they're the real deal...which is another reason I don't want to go. I've been researching their songs from last year and the year before that and I don't know who's doing their music now but it's really good. Here, listen to this-"

Adrienne tossed her sister's phone back onto the couch and pulled her laptop off the coffee table and onto her lap, "It's all in Korean so ignore the words and just pay attention to the melody like I did" she informed as she pulled up 'Let Me Know', one of the recent tracks she'd been replaying.

Her eyes fell closed gently once she hit play and the first note rang out and Adrienne allowed herself to become lost in the music once again, she couldn't understand the lyrics but even without knowing the language Adrienne knew too well the feeling of heartache and desperation this song was meant to make you feel. That was always something she appreciated about music, no matter where you were from or how old you were a good song could bring people together in ways that words often couldn't. To Adrienne music truly was a universal language.

Once the song finished Adrienne put her laptop aside and looked up at her sister with a childlike stare, anticipating her reaction. "What? It's pretty" Danielle responded and Adrienne's shoulders immediately slumped downward.

"Pretty? Is that all you have to say?"

"Yup. That's my review, it is a pretty song."

"You sicken me, do you know that? If you weren't carrying my niece we would be pillow fighting right now." Adrienne grumbled and leaned down to pressed a kiss to Danielle's rounded tummy. She wasn't big yet but she was definitely beginning to show.

"I keep telling you not to get your hopes up, Lloyd's siblings are all boys."

Adrienne pursed her lips and ignored Danielle then whispered to her stomach. "Shhh, I can tell you're a girl."

"Stop talking to my fetus and get back up here, I'm not joking with you Andy I really think you should go for this job"

Adrienne bit the inside of cheek and slumped back against the cushions, she was silent for a few minutes as she tried to collect her thoughts and recall all the points that were made in their previous conversation.

"How am I supposed to fly half way around the world and tell these people that I can make better music than what they have now?"

Danielle sighed, her fingertips grazing over Adrienne's shoulder to gain her attention before pulling her into her arms to hug her and rest her chin against the top of Adrienne's head.

"Do you think you're talented?"

"Yes....but-"

"Butts are for ashtrays, Adrienne. You are talented and that's the end of it, when you worry too much about comparing yourself to other people then you start in with the doubts. You didn't go to them they came to you, that wouldn't have happened if they didn't know that you were more than qualified for this."

"I don't want to leave you."

"Oh little one," Danielle cooed and kissed Adrienne's scalp, threading her fingers through the younger girls braids, "I am going to be fine, I have Lloyd! And you're going to be making so many new friends you won't even have time to miss me."

Adrienne sniffed and wrapped her arms around her sister in a tighter hold, "You better not have this kid until I can come back and visit" She replied through the few tears that were falling from the brim of her eyes.

"Does that mean you're going?"

"I guess I'm moving to Korea."

"This isn't a joke, right? There aren't any hidden cameras, you're really going to let me do this?"

The excitement in Yoongi's voice was as foreign and authentic as the short happy dance he did in the middle of Bang Si-Hyuk's office before he caught hold of himself and regained his cool composure.

"Yes I'm being serious" Si-Hyuk answered with a tiny grin "You've been showing a lot of improvement lately and I think you should take the lead on producing the group's next release."

Pale pink lips spread into a wide and almost child-like grin, those were words that Yoongi never thought he would hear. He always appreciated being able to contribute a song or two to their albums but to have the control and relative creative freedom over an entire body of work for his group was a professional goal that he never thought possible so early in his career. It really was too good to be true.

"Of course..." Si-Hyuk spoke up again and Yoongi came crashing back down to reality.

"With your schedules and other responsibilities, it wouldn't be ideal to leave all the work on your shoulders alone."

"I assumed the producers here would be assisting me"

"Most of them are busy with other projects, we've decided to contract someone from the outside to co-produce along with you."

Yoongi nodded and leaned back in his seat, pressing his index finger against his lips in thought and to prevent himself from speaking out of turn. He didn't like this idea one bit and the previous feeling of excitement he had was dulled significantly by the thought of having to collaborate with someone he didn't even know. He wanted to speak up, voice his opposition before he was saddled with the dead weight of a co-producer who probably had no idea what they were doing. But he knew it wasn't his place to say no to a plan that was already in motion and he didn't want to jeopardize the opportunity he was being granted.

"Okay, when do we start?"

#min yoongi #suga fic #suga scenarios #suga angst #suga smut #bts x woc #bts scenarios #inwtb #bngtanah

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scmyr · 4 years

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luka sabbat. cis male. he/him. ／ samyr delcine just pulled up james joint by rihanna — that song is so them ! you know, for a(n) twenty-four (24) year old retired actor / singer and rapper, i’ve heard they’re really -temperamental, but that they make up for it by being so +creative. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say smoke filled recording studios, messy handwriting, tattoos. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( LJ, 20, est, they/them )

career claim: roddy ricch, dababy, the weeknd

hey y’all! guess who’s back at it again with a new muse? it’s LJ, @kcia‘s mun, and this is my second baby, samyr. i’ve actually had this idea in mind for a while, and i’m finally bringing him into fruition. if you’d like to plot with him, just drop a like on this post!

basics.

NAME: samyr delcine. PRONOUNS: he/him AGE: twenty-four. BIRTH DATE: july 16th, 1995. BIRTH PLACE: port-au-prince, haiti. HOMETOWN: compton, california. CURRENT RESIDENCE: los angeles, california. NATIONALITY: haitian-american. ETHNICITY: afro-haitian, unidentified white side. RELIGION: non practicing christian. OCCUPATION: singer, rapper, songwriter, producer, retired actor. LANGUAGES: haitian-creole (native), haitian-french (native), english (fluent). SEXUAL ORIENTATION: confused. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: confused.

visual.

FACECLAIM: luka sabbat. EYE COLOR: dark brown. HAIR COLOR: dark brown. HEIGHT: 6 feet, 1 inch. WEIGHT: 149 pounds. TATTOOS: here, here, here. PIERCINGS: ears. NOTABLE TRAITS: lips, height, hair.

background.

he was born in port-au-prince, haiti to a single mother. he never met his father because his father was someone that his mother hooked up with while she was studying in the states. it was her last year in college and she didn’t know she was pregnant until she was about three months along. she took a year off and went back home so she could have him. she considered putting him up for adoption, but as soon as he was born and she looked into his eyes, she “fell in love with him and couldn’t part from him”, or that’s what she always tells samyr.

when he was six years old and his mother was twenty-seven, she decided to go back to school and get her degree. she spent the first six years of his life working two full time jobs and a part time job just so she could provide for him and save money at the same time. after she saved enough money, she packed up their things and moved them to america, california to be exact, so she could graduate and get a better paying job. she finished up her criminal justice degree and got a job working as a law clerk while she put herself through law school. she finally graduated, passed the bar exam, and now she’s a highly sought after criminal attorney in the states.

his childhood was a hard, yet happy time for him. hard because he and his mother lived in california while his mother worked for a very low salary. it was difficult for them to make ends meet, especially when she was still in school. even though she eventually became an extremely wealthy lawyer (she started making money around the time samyr was fifteen, but by then he was already making money from his show), things were hard at first. he was still a happy kid though. his mother gave him a lot of love, and he had friends and a cute puppy named chichi (she’s still alive, with her old ass ;-;)

samyr’s first taste of the spot light was at a young age. he did a little bit of modeling for stores and brands, but didn’t really get his big break until he was 12 and landed one of the lead roles of a children’s sitcom. he loved acting when he first started doing it, and worked hard for the several seasons that he was apart of the show before it ended. he was nineteen when the show ended. he did cameos on other shows, and acted in a few movies during the course of the show too.

he’s a very passionate and dedicated person, but once he’s finished with something and wipes his hands clean of it, he’s finished indefinitely. he felt as though after several years of acting on one show and doing other acting jobs, that he was ready to bring to a close the chapter of acting in his life. he enjoyed it, still does, but he wanted to pour all of his time and effort into the next aspect of his life - music.

he had actually started getting into music around the middle of his show’s run. he had been in the industry for a while and started making friends with musicians who had introduced him to the art of music. he quickly fell in love with it, not just singing and rapping, but the technical aspects of the music industry as well - producing, sound mixing, composition, e.t.c.

he released his first music project while he was still acting. it was in 2011, and it was a mixtape that he dropped out of the blue. people didn’t know who it was at first because he just dropped it on soundcloud and his account wasn’t under his own name. but some fans ended up doing some digging and made the connection.

after that, he would occasionally drop music projects here and there (i’ll eventually make a little timeline of his music releases, more so for my own means of keeping track, but to also give you guys an idea of what he’s released so far!)

now he focuses primarily on music. overall, his sound and lyrics are explicit, but there are still two sides to him - the ‘hard’ side (dababy, roddy ricch) and his softer side (the weeknd). he likes having that kind of duality, because it gives him the freedom to explore himself as a musician.

personality

he’s a very hard worker, and extremely prideful. he doesn’t like accepting help from others, especially if he thinks they’re pitying him. he and his mother used to get a lot of “offers” of help, which were honestly just people feeling sorry for them, which he absolutely hated. he doesn’t even like asking for help when he knows he needs it. if you ever catch him asking for help, you best believe it’s because it’s his very last resort.

if samyr’s face and name weren’t connected to his music, no one would even think that he was the one rapping and singing on his tracks. a lot of his music has explicit sexual innuendos and undertones, and holds a little aggression from time to time. it’s a complete contrast to samyr’s lowkey personality. what most people don’t know is that writing music is his outlet. he doesn’t get frustrated or angry (most of the time) because when he feels those things, he channels it into his writing.

that being said, he does have a little bit of a temper. it’s something that his mother says he gets from his grandfather, a man he had never met because he passed away before his birth. he has a high tolerance for things, but if he’s pushed over the edge, he gets black out angry. he hates that though, which is why he stays ‘medicated’ most of the time (lmao he stays high)

he’s so deep in the closet that he’s finding christimas presents. he knows that there’s nothing wrong with being gay, he’s an avid supporter of the lgbtq+ on social media platforms and such, but it’s just something that he struggles to accept about himself. his mother is very open minded, but he has a lot of family members who aren’t, and he doesn’t want them to disown him.

kinda gets angry/upset if his own sexuality is brought up? maybe not really angry or upset, but just really defensive? again, finding christmas presents lol

very particular with and protective of his hair lol has definitely smacked a few people’s hands for trying to touch it

wanted connections

girl(s) that he’s dated in the past to as a way to somehow force himself to be straight. most of them ended due to him not being able to fully invest himself emotionally. we can discuss if they’re on good/bad terms!

a few best friends, he definitely needs those

if anyone has a muse that has songs with a male rapper featured, samyr’s your guy

the first guy he’s ever kissed

relatives on his father’s side (he just recently started searching for his father, so it’d be interesting if he had cousins or half siblings around!)

someone that he confides in about his sexuality

a guy who helps him explore his sexuality

pr relationship(s)

pr friendship(s)

media fueled rivalry

enemies

frenemies

celebrity friends that are always seen out together (events, award shows, sports games, out shopping, e.t.c)

literally anything?? i’m open to anything and everything!

#excess:intro #this got a little long whoops lmao #mun.

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noeliareads · 5 years

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Penpals? Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

November, 2017

After about 2 weeks of preparation (waiting for a paycheck) Arizona had almost everything ready for her box. All she had to do was write the letter.

*Dear Jinho, I don’t have words to express how grateful I am for everything you sent me. I actually feel bad because I don’t send as much. But here are a few of my favorite things from America. I really hope you like them. The SNSD mug? I use it everyday for my morning coffee. (she printed out a photo of the mug on her side table) The tea is incredible! Jinho, everything is incredible and I can’t thank you enough!

By the way, how are you? How is South Korea? I hope you’re doing ok as well as your friends. I am ok, just a little bit stressed with school. Our final exams are in about a month and believe me I am not ready. Oh! I haven’t introduced myself. As you already know my name is Arizona, I am 20 years old and I am a music major in college. That’s something we have in common, music. I wanted to become a music major because I would love to be a music teacher in a university. I feel like my acquired skills would be exploited there. I really don’t know what to say about myself. My favorite colors are moss green and beige. I cannot write with normal ballpoint pens. I know. It’s weird. Fountain pens are a blessing and they are the best thing in the world.*

***

Bang Chan was in his room working on some mixtapes when he heard Jisung yell.

“YA! We got a package for Bang Jinho. Who is Bang Jinho?”

Bang Chan threw his laptop on his bed and almost slipped on the wood floor, running to where Jisung was.

“Nae goesida!” It’s mine! He said. He yanked the… box? A box? And ran to his room, locking the door behind him, leaning on it as if one of his band mates were to break it down. It has happened before...

He clutched his chest regaining his breath. He took a seat on the floor and curiously examined the box, it had the typical shipping label. He didn’t spare a minute so he opened the box with his bare hands. Inside the box were a variety of American sweets. He found a mug with the american flag on it, post-its of the american flag… There were a lot of things with the american flag. Very.. touristy. Still, he thought it was cute. He saw a light blue envelope and grabbed it. It was time to read what she said.

Dear Jinho…

*I have no siblings, sadly. I am an only child so I grew up alone sometimes. But that’s ok. I don’t mind being alone sometimes. I find comfort in being alone. Oh! I listened to the songs you sent me. Ok, let me gather my thoughts.

Likey: It’s so catchy and I watched the video as well and now I can’t stop doing the hand movements from the beginning! My best friend Nick, laughs and teases me because I will do it without realizing it. I will have to check out more of Twice’s music, they seem very promising.

You Are by Got7: I have heard of them but never got into their music yet. This was until you told me to listen to this song. I like this song. It’s has a beautiful melody. I like how it builds up and I didn’t expect the chorus to sound like that! I know kpop involves a lot of rapping but that “IT’S A BEAUTIFUL SKYYY” Dude. That buildup. Wow.

Matryoshka: I don’t even know where to begin. Who are these people?? I mean, I downloaded Soundcloud because you mentioned it and I was blown away. They are amazing! The first rapper has such a chill flow. It’s like he’s not trying but it sounds good either way! The second one? He’s good, too good. And the third one? Oh Lord. I really hate you right now. Who the hell has that type of voice? I figured it was him who accentuated the MAAAAAAAATRYOSHKA. And wow, just wow. Thank you for showing me these amazing rappers. I have to look into them more!

Lastly, Be Lazy. I have like 2 things to say. THE BASS. THE BASS. Thank you. I like them so much. THE BASS.*

The letter was two pages long and Chan enjoyed reading all of it. She seemed like a very animated person. She seemed to be happy about the simplest things and that weirdly made him smile.

FAST FORWARD TO DEBUT ERA. Chan and Arizona have exchanged a few letters (shipping time and Chan’s schedule). But they became great friends in the short amount of time they’ve corresponded to each other. They kept trading on songs, Chan loved or dislikes the ones she sent and same went for her. In future v-lives, he would play some of the songs he told her to listen to. But, one thing was for sure. Chan converted Arizona into a newer generation K-pop lover. Chan told her that 3racha were actually part of a survival show that basically consisted of working hard to be able to debut together. He also never told her that he was Bang Chan. But, he did tell her that he was working hard in order to get a job as a backup dancer for idol groups.

March: Chan to Arizona (They just debuted)

*Zo, I am so happy! I GOT THE JOB! I wish I could tell you all about it but I can’t!*

Arizona to Chan

*No way! Jinho that is amazing! I am so happy for you! I know how much you worked for this! Whenever you get to dance on stage let me know so I can watch you.* Chan sighed as he read her response. She will see him, but she won’t know who he is.

Fastforward

Months go by and Stray Kids have won multiple rookie awards. Thanks to Chan, Arizona has gone head over heels for them. She will rant about them in her letters and fangirl with him.

*Jinho… I know I sent you your letter and you probably received it yesterday or a few days ago but this is an emergency. SKZ DROPPED ANOTHER VIDEO! BTW, You have to see the street version of Insomnia. THEY WERE IN THE US I MEAN WHAT THE HELL! This is why I hate being a college student. No money. And, 10 days later they release the street version of Question? Do they want to kill me. Changbin and Hyunjin body rolling killed me! They all killed me. I really can’t thank you enough for introducing me to them. #PROUDSTAY*

For the release of their album I Am Who, Chan sent her an album. He wanted it to be autographed but he couldn’t explain how he made that possible. Either way she has his handwriting in paper so that counts? The boys knew about her, not much but they did know he was corresponding with a girl from America. Either way, she has his handwriting. Arizona in return, sent him an ASAP Rocky album! That made Chan very very happy.

Life suddenly was brighter for Arizona. She always had a hard time seeing the bright side in life and being positive was extra effort. But corresponding with Chan helped her breathe with ease. He was her escape room. She could tell him everything and she knew that he wouldn’t judge her. He would always offer words of comfort and advice. There were times where she would vent about how hard her classes were or how her mental health deteriorates day by day. Chan wasn’t bothered by this. He wished for her to be happy and free in her own mind. He would occasionally send her various letters in the span of a few days or less. He knew she wasn’t expecting it and he hoped it made her smile, which it did.

They were so used to corresponding to each other that friendship slowly and silently became something else. Arizona once debated about it but she brushed it off. It can’t be possible and it won’t be. Letters were romantic and that is the stigma that is around it and that’s all. There is nothing more to it. Chan thought of her constantly when he wasn’t busy with producing, practicing or anything related to the group. He knew he liked her, did he have the opportunity to ask for a picture? He did. But he didn’t ask. He would feel obliged to send her one of himself and he couldn’t do that. It was enough with lying about his job.

FEBRUARY - 2019

“I am soooooooo tired.” Arizona complained as she walked into the same coffee shop she frequented with Nick over the course of their college years. Both were seniors now, graduating in May!

“All nighter?” Nick asked? She just nodded and smiled at the barista giving her their order.

“You’re a master procrastinator. What were you doing?”

“Working on my senior project and portfolio.” She mumbles taking a seat and resting her head on the table. Nick didn’t miss how she avoided his eyes.

“And probably writing J’s letter right?” Arizona looked up at her best friend and smiled. It was true, she was working on less than 2 hours of sleep, writing the letter and working on her project. “Zozo, you like him don’t you.” It wasn’t a question. It was an affirmation.

“Nick, stop.” She wasn’t ready to face this topic yet. Like him? Pff. She’s never seen him before. “We’ve never met and probably never will. Ok? Drop it.”

“You don’t have to like or love his looks.” Arizona knew that and she knew what danger she was in of falling harder and faster for Jihno. She just wasn’t ready for it.

Arizona arrived home after her evening lessons and collapsed on the couch. She was just dozing off when her mom threw some papers on her stomach. “You have mail” She said. The sleepy girl sat up and flipped through the envelopes. Phone bill, student loan information, a postcard?

“Australia? I don’t know anyone in Australia.” She turned the postcard around and smiled when she recognized the handwriting.

*Hey Zo, sorry this is going to be short. But, I am in aussie visiting family. I won’t be able to read any of your letters until I get home but I will write! Just make sure to send your responses to my normal address. I am so happy to see my family again, I actually came with a few of my friends and we are just touring around. I also heard Stray Kids are going to be here! I’ll see if I can go to their concert or spot them at the touristy sites. If I do, I’ll send photos. Take care.

Jinho.*

Her heart fluttered. He knew how much she loved Stray Kids that he would even look for them for her! The days flew by and she received an envelope. It contained a post-it and multiple photos. The note said, ‘Found them.’ The photos were of Stray Kids near the Sydney Opera House. Wait, he found them? The photos seemed to be taken from afar and the boys were with cameras? Filming a video? Arizona died right there. He went all the way to find them, take their picture, develop them and send them to her.

Chan’s Perspective

Chan asked his manager to take photographs of them as they filmed and as if they were fans who spotted them. Manager Kim (let’s say that’s his name) agreed without asking for a reason. Chan quickly developed them and sent them before going back to South Korea. He was dying to tell her who he was. After all, he was her bias. Not that it made any difference. Sadly he still couldn’t, Stray Kids were going to be extremely busy in the next month and he feared not to have time to write so he made sure he had conversations planned out so she wouldn’t feel lonely. He also had the feeling that this comeback was going to be important for their careers.

His last letter ended with; ‘Zo, I won’t be able to write as much because I will be dancing for a group for their comeback so we will be very busy practicing. But, I will try to write as much as possible. Don’t miss me.”

Hey guys this was more of a filler chapter. I hope you get an idea of how the story is going to go. There will hopefully be two more chapters, I still don’t know how I will space them out. Next chapter is going to be about the Miroh and Yellow Wood era. Arizona also graduates college and there is a big surprise that will lead to the last chapter.

Playlist?

Adios - Everglow

Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer

Wanna Go Back - Day6

Mirror - Stray Kids

These are the pictures Chan sends to Arizona.

#stray kids #skz #stray kids chan #stray kids bang chan #stray kids imagine #stray kids imagines #bang chan #chan #channie #bang chris #bang christopher #chris bang #bang chan imagine #bang chan imagines

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anythingsaidproductions · 5 years

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My song “Riot Grrrl Zine” is a long time coming from the way I grew up. Being a child in the 90’s put me in an odd spot with finding what it was to be empowered as a girl. Flooded with pop culture, I became immersed in a certain idea of “GIRL POWER” that would later drown me. I saw women who performed music in an entirely different way than I saw men. Therefore, as I grew into a young woman who, herself, wanted to be a singer, my idea of what I had to look like became my main focus.

I appreciated the large landscape of possibilities with music from a young age. I loved how it made me feel, without having to be touched. As I grew up, insecurities would set in, and self doubt would pave the way to self sabotage. The desire inside to sing and perform music has never been questioned. I simply didn’t see in the mirror what I saw on TV, or in magazines. The reality of being a pop singer felt like less of a possibility as time went on.

By the time I was 15, I had dealt with “normal” issues like parents divorcing, moving towns, and gaining emotional-eating weight. The end result left me unhappy with my body and unhappy with myself ultimately. At that age, I had made attempts at self-harm and being bulimic, but I wasn’t able to push past the physical pain of it. When a friend of mine gave me a burned CD of The Used’s self-titled album, I was reminded of how music numbed my emotional pain. I couldn’t get enough of this beautiful, angry and very sad music. Anything in this genre, I became obsessed with. Linkin Park, Taking Back Sunday, My Chemical Romance became my remedy to life.

By the time I was 18, I was figuring out music was my only answer. I remembered how badly I wanted to be a pop star when I was younger, but I didn’t look like Britney or Christina. I started desperately seeking a woman to look to for guidance. Paramore became my rock. They embodied the music that got me through my years, but had a woman singer who I could relate to. I no longer wanted to be a popstar, I wanted to be able to sing. Sing my heart out with every bit of pain I was drowning in.

The problem was that every time I opened my mouth to sing, my childhood insecurities resurfaced. I was comparing myself to the level of talent and skill of experience Hayley Williams had herself. I just wanted to make music that felt good and sounded good, but I had no real understanding of what it took to become that level of singer.

I did what I knew I could, and I found a voice teacher who specialized in live-performance singing and rock music based training. I trained and I practiced and I visualized and I believed this was happening for me. I believed that my dreams were around the corner, and I was going to be on stage with Paramore themselves, singing a duet. I worked hard, and started writing a lot of music. I was able to write and record a 6 song EP entirely on my own.

As quickly as I believed it was happening, I just as quickly lost hope in my dream. The EP I put out didn’t get me signed, it didn’t blow up on soundcloud, and my youtube videos of song covers weren’t going viral. I blamed everything on not being “good enough.” Finally, the glorious day came when I watched the documentary called Miss Representation. I took the red pill, and I woke up from “the matrix” of the patriarchy. I had no idea how my mind was manipulated into seeing myself as a participant in this world.

Flashbacks to being 10 years old, in the locker room of the tennis club, as my grandmother stands me in front of a mirror. She pinches my tummy, which is exposed from my two piece bathing suit, and tells me “This is fat. You don’t want this.” She was a Hollywood starlet, and I know honestly it wasn’t her fault she believed this was the base of a woman’s value. She was looking out for me, the best way she knew how. In her industry, to be skinny, was to be liked. This is what fed my doubt for the next decade of my life.

At 25, I watched the documentary The Punk Singer, about Kathleen Hanna and her part in the Riot Grrrl movement. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had the green light to go after my dreams. I wanted to sing my pain, and these women knew how. The honesty of their experiences, being screamed through a microphone was a whole new world for me. Up until this point, I thought only men could do this, and definitely the only ones who were taken seriously. I finally saw that I could make my music, and not have to look or sound a certain way.

I desperately sought anyone who would want to join me in my crusade to make loud music. I struggled to find bandmates, and so I looked to my partner of 5 years. She had originally introduced me to Riot Grrrl music, so I asked if she’d be willing to learn the bass guitar. A short amount of time went by before our band, I Dream of Darlene, was created. We wanted the name to combine our passion for strong females in good sitcom television, and our “punk rock” attitude. Naming our band after Darlene Connor from the show Roseanne, we felt like we had plenty of inspiration to get us going. We wrote songs surprisingly well together, and made a set list we were both proud of.

I was too eager. I was too earnest. I wanted to be on stage creating an experience. I booked us shows, and before I knew it, we were on stage. Simple rhythms and easy chord progressions were trying to carry the meaningful message I felt like I was singing. When the show I had put the most time and thought into finally came, we played to a nearly empty venue. Drive and passion are important, but I was reluctant to do the work before putting it on display.

Hiend sight truly is the clear vision of our actions, and most definitely the mistakes. The self doubt was obviously still eating me from the inside, because I practiced music the same way I looked in the mirror, with blinders. I never really allowed myself to examine my body too closely, for fear of how badly I would tear myself apart. I never allowed myself to participate in my own music, for fear of hating what I was working on. I don’t think I ever truly gained the calluses on my fingers that would have led to proper guitar playing.

Like every other project up until this point in my life, I put it up on the shelf to be finished at another point. This was in 2016, and since then I stopped performing live. I went to my voice lessons, but still hiding away from the world. Until I got an invitation to audition for t.v. show The Voice. I thought to myself, this is it! Immediately, I began my training like I was going to the Olympics. I pushed myself farther than I ever had before, my own dedication actually inspired me. I sang so much, that come the audition, my throat and voice was shot. Regardless of not getting it, leaving the audition I was elated. I was actually doing what I had always wanted to do. Sing.

A lot of events happened in my life between 2016 to 2019 that molded me and helped me grow. For a year, my wife and I took care of our niece when she was just 10 months old. I grew patience, I grew understanding, but most of all I gained the faith in my capabilities to go after any dream of mine if I took the right steps.

My voice teacher set me up with his best friend’s son to produce a song together. For years, he had told me that he loved my song “Riot Grrrl Zine,” and promoted it more than I ever did. It needed some finishing touches before being sent off to be produced, so I sat down with my wife and asked her how she first discovered the music of the riot grrrl movement. I wanted the song to have these answers for people hearing it for the first time, and who don’t know about this movement. Filling in some new lyrics, and finding a bridge to complete the song, finally it was finished and sent off to the producer. Now I waited... Finally the day came to go to the studio. Things were finally moving forward and I was going to a real music studio to record my own song!

The hardest lesson to learn is that I needed to experience life to grow. No book or movie can give the full understanding it takes to make things happen. I sat back in my comfort zone for many years, hoping that enough wishing on stars was going to make things happen. Action has to take place, and the more times that action occurs, the stronger that dream becomes a reality.

“Riot Grrrl Zine” is my story of how I may not have grown up with riot grrrl music, but it eventually reached me and made its imprint on me. I may not embody the punk rock spirit entirely, but the music is a piece of me and I am excited to share this with the world.

#riotgrrrl #riotgrrrlzine #spice girls #millenial #music #lgbtq #selfhelp #selfesteem #selfimage #body dismorphia #90’s music #essays

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