#a lot of people kept telling me that I should be grateful someone reads my fic in the first place even if I dont get comments

[britneyshakespeare]

i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.

the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.

and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.

when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.

i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.

i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!

because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?

in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.

like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.

i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.

and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.

i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.

i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.

i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.

but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.

that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.

[tenderlyrenjun]

feel free to ignore this but i just scrolled through your profile and the amount of anons being so fucking shitty actually pissed me off immensely. i’m so annoyed that people are being so nasty to you. i started reading "when it comes to us" and it’s genuinely really good so i’m just really confused by the criticism…?? i’m sorry, i’m sure this isn’t the type of ask you particularly want or are looking for, nor am i trying to give you unwarranted pity but this is genuinely just weird, unsettling, and honestly angering to read. your writing is good and i don’t lie abt stuff like that, so whoever is constantly dropping into your inbox to talk shit is looking for a reaction and you should really stop giving it to them. this is some miserable ass behavior it’s disgusting.

i hope your bad day becomes amazing, i understand your frustrations with tumblr and i hope it all goes back to normal soon and that you can feel happier on this account, though maybe it might be time for a new start.

thanks, im glad you liked when it comes to us; it’s one of my favorite fic ideas that I’ve thought of, although, if it is plagiarism, I’ll delete it

honestly, the criticism doesnt really matter … nothing really matters. it’s the primary feedback I get on my fics at this point, really; I dont really deserve feedback, and I guess it’s fine that people feel … something enough to say something, even if it is criticism, or whatever; it’s something; I dont really deserve comments; I’m just too focused on external validation when I should be writing for myself. I tried ignoring all the criticizing anons, and I dont answer all of the anons, mostly because I dont have the mental capacity for my sole feedback to be criticism all the time (it used to be worse), but I also get the “why are you ignoring me coward”-type of messages, so yeah, i dont really know where to go from there. honestly, it’s deserved; I know why I get so many of these types of anons - criticism or just angry, and it’s deserved. Im not a good enough writer (im barely a writer tbh) to get anything else, unless it’s just … indifference. It doesn’t matter.

thanks, I hope you have a good day, sorry to be so negative; im considering deleting my blog and just giving up, but idk; it’s just a pros and cons list at the moment; im going to go over it with my therapist later; it’s fine. it’s not that big of a deal; its just fanfiction; it’s not that deep and no one owes me anything; I should just … I should just be grateful that I get the feedback in the first place because I dont really deserve it; no one owes me anything and I just need to take the comments as they come.

[moodymisty]

AAAAAA COULD YOU PLEASE MAYBE WRITE SOME CONTENT OF DAD! ROBOUTE WITH HIS S/O AFTER THEY HAVE KIDS? I WOULD BE SUPER MEGA ULTRA GRATEFUL!! THANK YOU!!

[ 𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖞'𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕬𝖔3 ]

Author's note: Here you go, enjoy some cute dadboute content :3

Relationships: Roboute Guilliman/Fem!Reader

Warnings: None really other than the implication of a dangerous pregnancy

“So, where is the little lady?”

Sanguinus crosses his arms casually over his chest, ignoring the sound of weapons clanking against each other. Guilliman does much the same.

“She is in our quarters resting still. The medicae insisted bedrest after he was born.” Sanguinus takes his words seriously, he was one of the only people Guilliman confided his worried about you in. However he also smiles, which Guilliman finds odd until he speaks.

“I imagine it must be a bit frustrating, having to be away from them.” Many of the Primarchs have struggled to contain their jealousy regarding Guilliman’s love, but Sanguinus is kind; He doesn’t doubt he’ll find someone soon.

“Believe me, I would much rather be there than here with you lot.”

Sanguinus smiles wider.

“Horus and Russ both have wandered off, I’ll keep a secret if you want to go see her.”

Guilliman doesn’t need it to be kept a secret, but knowing that Sanguinus will keep the other Primarchs at bay so he can enjoy a moment with his new son is more than appreciated. He gives Sanguinus a nod and takes his leave, the angel's eyes lingering on him for a few moments before looking away.

Each step closer to his quarters makes Guilliman just that bit more relieved, until he sees you in bed. Your child rests in your arms, asleep while you work on something on a dataslate. The medicae had specified plenty of bedrest for you as your body recovered, and he’s relived you’re taking it to heart.

He had also specifically said not to sleep with you for a while, nor get you pregnant until you were completely healed, which had embarrassed Guilliman greatly.

Hearing him enter the massive room you look up, setting the dataslate aside to give him your full attention. You do so gently to avoid shaking the baby in your arms, who does little more than make a few grumbles as you shift.

“You’re back soon, did things end early?” He comes closer and shakes his head, after kneeling at the side of the bed.

“I left for a moment to see you.” You smile, but it's coated in over-exaggerated suspicion.

“The Guilliman I know would never miss or skip out on a meeting. You must be an imposter.”

You seem in bright spirits joking and teasing him, but Guilliman knows well that the child of a primarch nearly killed you- and that you’re still more than likely in pain. He leans down to gently press a chaste kiss to your forehead.

“Perhaps I have been. And the others were none the wiser.”

Guilliman looks down at his child in your arms and gently moves his hand close, brushing a knuckle across his cheek.

"You should come back in an hour or two when he’s up to eat and put him back to sleep,” You say, and Guilliman gives you a sour look that makes you giggle.

Quite quickly you’ve learned that Guilliman’s voice seems to put your child right to sleep, something you’ve endlessly teased him about. While his voice is something you'll never tire of in its deep and dulcet tone, he can quickly become drone and monotonous depending on subject matter.

“Let me get a copy of this months expenditure for the Ultramarines and I’ll return to read it.” You would ask him to hold his child, but you know he’s still nervous about it. He’s still so small; Guilliman worries about his strength. You don’t push it, but you know he’s showing his love in other ways.

“Quite the bedtime story,” You look up at him as he cups his hand around your child’s side.

“You jest, but in my youth my father or mother would tell me about old Macraggian wars before bed.” Guilliman's eyes look away from his child for only a moment to see you scoff.

“Old battle tales are a bit different than a spending document, Roboute.”

Guilliman can’t help but soften his face. He’s so used to hearing his family name or titles; Guilliman, Lord Guilliman, Lord Primarch. He enjoys when he hears you say his name with such softness.

A knock on the door startles you, but you know Guilliman had heard whoever it was coming well before.

“Lord Guilliman? I apologize for the disturbance Lord Dorn is asking for you.” Guilliman sighs.

“I will be there momentarily.”

He looks to you and reaches a hand up to cup your face. You lean into it, smiling and enjoying the warmth of his palm against your skin. Leaning in he presses a kiss to your lips, and stays perhaps longer than he should have. He can hear you contently sigh until he pulls away, and leans to give a kiss to the top of his sleeping son’s head.

“You keep resting. Both of you.”

He looks harshly at you, almost scolding you preemptively. He glares at you as you roll your eyes, but there’s no true discontent behind his expression.

“Love you too, Roboute.”

[adilynnyuri]

Hello - first of all I want you to thank for your answer you gave to the person who wants to revise her fathers death. It gave me so much hope as you found the words I needed. 🫶 ❤️‍🩹 Every day I come back to your words in my mind…

I am working on it because I miss my mum who is my soulmate - best friend and mother. So I am working on revision and manifesting a timeline where we are both together in happiness and relaxation❣️ You said in this post I read that for that I have to „build the belief“ that my mum is healthy and alive. This is what I am working on. But how can I deal with the 4D which tells me in so much circumstances that she isn’t here. I always tell myself that’s a different timeline but as my actual circumstances are really tough I guess I need more input if someone more experienced to bester dealing with it. What would you suggest? and is it necessary to revise the health situation or it’s better to focus on that she is now healthy and alive? And would you recommend to focus on this single change or is it possible to change some other things in this new timeline which makes our life more relaxed so that she can enjoy it more in this new timeline? What do you think?

Hiii lovee! 🤍

💝 I am SO SO GLAD that you found my posts helpful! I am way more GRATEFUL TO HAVE CUTIES LIKE Y'ALL!

Ok let's come to the topic!

⭐ I totally understand your situation. You cannot see "physical results" And it's pissing you off OR making you think that you are not doing much. But let me tell you!

🌀Physical reality which you are seeing with your eyes right now is just the reflection of your consistent dominant thoughts.

Like,

🍂What you would think if one day it was announced that the world is going to destroy?

"Omg I am going to die??? My favorite people are going to die?? I wanted to do sm thing-"

+ people around you will always remind you that the world is ACTUALLY gonna destroy and you are actually gonna BELIEVE IT BECAUSE YOU LET THAT THOUGHT COME AND FUCK YOUR MIND.

🍂Instead, if you just repeatedly reprogram your mind saying that

⭐ "Whatever it is, everything/everyone always works out in my favour"

If you ask me what would happen. Simply what you said to yourself repeatedly and made that "assumption" As a dominant thought will replicate in your reality.

AND LOVE! I AM ALWAYS THERE TO GUIDE YOU BUT I AM NOT THE ONE WHO DECIDES WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

That's the specialty of YOU. YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF YOUR OWN REALITY. SO YOU CAN DO/CHOOSE WHATEVER YOU WANTED!

🔮My success in revising death :

🌟 I literally manifested my uncle back who died 5-6 years ago. He was my favorite uncle and he died so soon which of course made me feel like shit. But yk what?

If it makes me feel like shit = it ain't true (my motto)

🌟 Now my uncle is literally talking with me whenever I want and YES IN MY REALITY HE IS ALIVE! BECAUSE I CHOSE THE REALITY IN WHICH HE'S ALIVE AND I AM HAPPY NOT IN THE REALITY IN WHICH HE WAS DEAD AND I WAS SAD + PEOPLE AROUND ME KEPT REMINDING ME THAT HE'S DEAD.

🌟 who cares? You should be strong like a rock. Stable asf. Get your desires by being stubborn. Simple.

With lots of love,

ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷

[mythicalninjas]

Hello! So... I was wondering if you could make a bayverse with the turtles (separate of course) in which the reader (she) has powers like Eleven, but she never told them because she was ashamed of what her past was like. Something with a lot of angst, something like that! I'm also from Brazil, but I was embarrassed to send the message in Portuguese, haha...

Brasileiros dominam absolutamente TUDO hahahaha Seja bem-vinda! E sinta-se a vontade para falar em português ;)

💫*English ZOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM* ☀️

Hope you enjoy it 😊

Rate/Warnings: angst and a bit of fluff?

Leonardo

Leonardo had always prided himself on being able to read people. As the leader, it was his job to sense when something was wrong, when someone was hiding something. But with you, he had missed the signs, and now the revelation hung in the air like a storm about to break.

You stood before him, trembling, your eyes wide with fear—not of him, but of yourself. You had just stopped an entire car mid-air, saving him from being crushed under its weight. The sheer force of your power had left the ground cracked and the air vibrating with energy.

Leo’s swords hung loosely at his sides as he stared at you in shock, his mind racing to process what had just happened. He should have been grateful—you had saved him—but all he could think about was the secret you had kept.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but the hurt was clear. You could see it in the way his shoulders tensed, the way his usually calm demeanor seemed to crack under the weight of the revelation.

“I didn’t want you to know,” you said, your voice thick with emotion. “I didn’t want anyone to know.”

"But why?" His brows furrowed, his tone edged with confusion and hurt. "You could’ve trusted me. You should’ve trusted me."

You shook your head, wrapping your arms around yourself, feeling small and vulnerable under his gaze. "It’s not that simple, Leo. You don’t understand. What I’ve done… what I’ve been through… it’s not something I wanted to share with anyone."

His gaze softened as he stepped closer, his hand reaching out to touch your arm, but you flinched away. The movement stung, and you saw the brief flicker of pain in his eyes.

"I’ve been ashamed of it my whole life," you continued, your voice breaking. "The things I had to do with these powers… they weren’t good. I didn’t want you to see that part of me. I didn’t want you to look at me the way you’re looking at me right now."

Leo’s face fell, and his hand dropped to his side. "I’m not judging you. I just… I don’t understand why you felt like you had to go through it alone."

"Because I am alone!" you snapped, the words spilling out before you could stop them. "No one understands what it’s like to have this… this thing inside of you. To have people hurt you because of it. To hurt others because you had no choice. I didn’t want you to hate me."

Leonardo’s eyes softened with sadness, his heart breaking at the sight of you so raw, so vulnerable. "I could never hate you," he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. "But I need you to trust me."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you stared at him, the weight of your secret finally lifting but leaving behind the heavy scars of your past. Could he really understand? Could he still look at you the same way after everything?

"I don’t know if I can," you whispered, the pain in your voice echoing through the room.

Raphael

Raph had always prided himself on being the strong one—the protector. But seeing you like this, standing before him with your hands still trembling from the power you had unleashed, he didn’t know how to feel. His chest heaved as he tried to calm the storm of emotions that raged inside him: anger, confusion, fear.

"You wanna tell me what the hell just happened back there?" His voice was low, dangerously controlled, but you could hear the underlying hurt beneath it. He wasn’t just angry—he was scared.

You didn’t answer at first, your gaze fixed on the floor. You couldn’t bear to look at him, not after what you had done. The way you had thrown the enemy across the alley with nothing but a flick of your wrist, the way the air around you had crackled with energy. It wasn’t something you could explain easily. It wasn’t something you wanted to explain at all.

"Look at me," Raph growled, stepping closer, his hand gripping your arm, but not too hard. His touch was firm, but there was a softness there, an unspoken plea for you to say something, anything.

When you finally looked up, the pain in your eyes hit him like a punch to the gut. "I didn’t want you to know," you said, your voice barely audible over the pounding of his heart.

"Why not?" His tone softened, though frustration still laced his words. "You think I wouldn’t get it? You think I’d just… walk away?"

You shook your head, pulling away from him. "You don’t understand, Raph. I’ve hurt people with this… I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I didn’t want you to see that side of me."

Raph’s jaw tightened, his fists clenching at his sides. "I’ve hurt people too, you know," he said, his voice rough. "You think I’m proud of every fight I’ve been in? You think I haven’t done things I regret?"

"But this is different," you whispered, tears brimming in your eyes. "I’ve killed people, Raph. Not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t have a choice. And now that you know… you’ll look at me differently. You’ll see me for what I am."

His heart ached at the sound of your words. Raph had never been good with emotions, especially not the kind that made him feel helpless. But seeing you like this, broken and ashamed, stirred something deep inside him.

"I ain’t gonna walk away from you," he said after a long pause, his voice raw with emotion. "But you gotta stop pushing me away. We’re in this together, whether you like it or not."

You stared at him, unsure if you could believe him. "How can you say that? After everything I’ve done… after everything I’ve kept from you?"

Raph stepped closer, his large hands cupping your face gently, forcing you to meet his gaze. "Because I don’t care about your past. I care about you. And if that means dealin’ with some crazy-ass powers, then so be it."

For the first time in a long time, you felt a flicker of hope. Maybe… just maybe… you didn’t have to carry this burden alone.

Donatello

Donnie always prided himself on understanding things—on finding solutions to every problem. But this? This was something he hadn’t seen coming.

He stared at the destruction you had caused, the debris still settling around you. His heart pounded in his chest, the reality of what had just happened sinking in. You had powers—powers that you had kept hidden from him. The thought stung more than he cared to admit.

You stood in the middle of the chaos, your arms wrapped tightly around yourself as if trying to shrink into nothing. The guilt weighed heavily on your shoulders, and you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" Donnie’s voice cracked, a rare vulnerability slipping through. You’d never heard him sound like this—so lost, so betrayed.

"I was scared," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

"Scared of what? Of me?" His brow furrowed, hurt flashing in his eyes as he took a tentative step closer. "You know I would’ve helped you."

"It’s not that simple, Donnie," you replied, finally looking up at him. "You don’t know what it’s like. The things I’ve done… the things they made me do…"

Donnie’s heart clenched at your words, his mind racing to piece together what you weren’t saying. "What did they make you do?" he asked softly, though he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"I hurt people," you admitted, tears welling in your eyes. "I didn’t have a choice. They used me like some kind of weapon, and I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t want you to know… because I didn’t want you to look at me the way you’re looking at me right now."

Donnie’s breath hitched. "I’m not… I’m not judging you," he said, though the pain in his voice was evident. "But why didn’t you trust me? Why didn’t you let me in?"

"Because I couldn’t," you said, your voice trembling. "Because I didn’t want to lose you."

Donnie stood there, frozen, torn between wanting to comfort you and not knowing how to process everything you had just revealed. He had always been the one with the answers, but this time, he felt completely lost.

"I’m sorry," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

He stepped forward, gently pulling you into his arms, holding you close as you finally let the tears fall. "We’ll figure it out," he murmured, though his own doubts lingered. "We’ll figure this out together."

Michelangelo

Mikey wasn’t one for serious moments—he preferred to keep things light, to laugh and joke his way through life. But now, standing in front of you, his usually cheerful expression was gone, replaced by confusion and sadness.

You had just revealed your secret, your powers flaring up in a moment of desperation during a fight. The enemies were long gone, but the aftermath of what had happened lingered, heavy between you and Mikey.

"You have powers?" he asked, his voice quieter than you had ever heard it. The usual playful spark in his eyes was gone, replaced by confusion and a hint of sadness. “How come you never told me?”

You swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his words sink into your chest. You hadn’t expected it to come out like this—not in the middle of a fight, not with you accidentally throwing a man across the alley with nothing but a flick of your hand. You hadn’t wanted him to find out this way.

"I was scared," you admitted, your voice barely a whisper. "I didn’t want you to know because I didn’t want to lose you, Mikey."

He blinked, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Lose me? Dude, how could you ever lose me? We’re like... we’re tight, right? You coulda told me."

You let out a shaky breath, unable to meet his gaze. "It’s not that simple, Mikey. You don’t know what it’s like... to have something inside of you that you can’t control. Something that makes people look at you differently. I didn’t want you to look at me like... like a freak."

The word hit hard. Michelangelo flinched at the sound of it, as if the very idea of you thinking of yourself that way was too much for him to bear.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up," he said, stepping closer, his hands reaching out but stopping short of touching you. “Freak? Are you kiddin’ me right now? I’m the one that’s green and has a shell, remember?” He flashed a weak smile, but you could see the hurt behind it. "If anyone’s got the right to feel like a freak, it’s me, but you? You’re amazing. You saved us back there."

You shook your head, your chest tightening with guilt. "No, Mikey, you don’t get it. I didn’t always use these powers to help people. I’ve hurt people with them. I’ve done things I can’t take back. And if you knew... if you knew everything..." Your voice broke, and you had to stop, afraid you’d fall apart if you continued.

Mikey’s expression softened, and without hesitation, he took the final step closer, pulling you into a gentle hug. His arms wrapped around you protectively, as if he could shield you from all the pain of your past. "Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you did, whatever happened, that’s not who you are now."

You let out a shaky breath, leaning into his embrace, feeling the warmth and comfort he radiated. But the shame still lingered, heavy and suffocating. "You don’t understand, Mikey. I can’t control it. Sometimes... I feel like it controls me. What if I hurt you?"

Mikey pulled back just enough to look at you, his hands resting on your shoulders. "You won’t. I trust you. And whatever happened before, it’s in the past. What matters is who you are now. And I know the real you wouldn’t hurt me or anyone you care about."

The sincerity in his voice, the unwavering belief in you, made your heart ache. You wanted to believe him, to believe that you weren’t the monster you feared you might be. But the memories of your past, of the things you had been forced to do, haunted you.

"I don’t know how to control it," you whispered, your voice breaking. "I don’t know how to stop it."

Mikey smiled softly, brushing a tear away from your cheek with his thumb. "Then we’ll figure it out together. You’re not alone in this, okay? You’ve got me. You’ve got all of us." His voice was steady, full of warmth and reassurance, like he truly believed in every word he said.

For the first time in a long time, you felt a flicker of hope. Maybe, just maybe, you didn’t have to carry this burden alone anymore. Maybe with Mikey by your side, you could learn to control the power inside you instead of letting it control you.

“Promise?” you asked, your voice small, but the hope growing in your chest.

Mikey grinned, his usual bright energy slowly returning. "Promise. We got this, dude. You and me? We’re unstoppable."

And for the first time, you believed him.

*****

Reblog to support and let more people read my content 🫶

[solei-eclipse]

hi para! i hope this doesn’t seem disingenuous or something just because two other people have sent asks regarding this same content but… i actually really care about you and i want you to know that it’s okay you may not post a lot about the original alien stage or just not be that interested in it in general. i’ve been like, your biggest fan since probably march (or earlier) of this year. i’ll tell you right now that i was really scared to reach out, interact, or talk to you because at the time, i had been using my real name on my blog and i was unsure if i wanted to go by it here just yet, so i only waited for you to post something new most days. i wasn’t really doing so great back then, because i was a little stressed and i had so much pressure piled up on me because of my rehearsals, my homework, my piano lessons, and life in general. i think your blog really kept me motivated and interested in alien stage (+ many other things) and i was always so excited to see a new post from you.

that being said, you’ve been one of my favorite people in the alien stage fandom and i freaked out in the best way possible when you followed me back. i don’t want you to feel pressured to post on shakingparadigm and i don’t want you to feel like you’re not being appreciative of your followers. i still love your content, para, and i want you to know that. when my life was going through a rough patch, when i was losing sleep during tech week, when i was working at my school on a weekend due to hosting a theater tournament, when i felt empty for days at a time, your blog was always there to keep me happy and i’ll never forget that. you’re really a wonderful person, and i want you to know that because you helped me so much without knowing it, i’d do that for you too. you don’t have to post very often for me to still enjoy everything you put out. please know that no matter what happens, i still cherish the memories i have of reading your posts and knowing that at least someone out there is as insane about alien stage as i am. it doesn’t matter to me what changes about you or your blog. i’ll always be your number one fan, so thank you for all you’ve done for me! i’m so so so so so grateful for everything. i care about you, and you deserve everything good in life. you’re not a content machine. you can take breaks. please take your time, and don’t rush yourself. you’ve always been human to me. nothing will ever EVER change that. i’ll never demand more content from you, and nobody ever should.

remember to drink water, get good sleep, and eat! i hope i worded this well… if it’s confusing or if it weirded you out, i’m sorry! i just really want you to know i care.

JUNE???? I teared up at this June. I don't know what to do with myself aaagh

I genuinely have no words. This means so much to me... No seriously I actually have no words right now I'm just. WOW. For that long?! I remember I was barely anyone back in March... mostly just talking to myself and the 3 or 4 people that interacted with me every now and then. I can't believe you've been with me for so long! June!!!!

I had no idea I could ever mean something like that to someone, I just started posting into the void and hoped I could be heard somehow. I don't know what to say... I'm really touched, and really grateful that I was able to help you in that way even though I was just spouting bullshit most of the time. I'm sorry to hear that you went through so much stress during that time, and all I can do is hope that you're in a better place. I'm proud of you for getting past that period. Stay strong!! I believe in you June!!

I'm so in awe. Thank you so much for your appreciation and your time and your patience. It always shakes me whenever someone deems me worthy of those things... I'll always be grateful for them. Thank you, thank you thank you thank you for deeming me worthwhile. It genuinely pulls at my heartstrings to think about.

Please don't call yourself just a fan, you're my friend and ever since we started interacting more here I've seen you that way. Your posts are so intriguing and your art is absolutely fantastic. It's such a joy to see all the wonderful things you make. I'm the one who should be grateful for bearing witness to all of it!

Thank you for your reassurance, I promise I'll try to take better care of myself. I want you to look after yourself too, please! I know you're still dealing with a lot right now, so don't forget that everything applies to you too. I wish you luck with all your endeavors and I hope you come out the other side just fine. I care about you as well, and i want you to know that you deserve all the good things in life, too! All the good things and more. I wish you the best!

This means so much to me. I keep saying that for so many things but that's just because it's true. It makes me laugh, actually, to realize how wrong I was on other people's perception of me. It's through everyone's kindness that I realize I should probably start being kinder to myself. You've helped me so much without knowing, too. I wholeheartedly thank you for it ...

Don't beat yourself up over anything. It's not at all disingenuous or confusing or weird. It's so achingly genuine that upon receiving the notification for this I dropped to the floor and stared at it unable to process. Thank you for your incredibly sweet and kind words, June, I'll be thinking about them for an incredibly long time. I care for you too, please remember that, and if you ever need help with anything don't be afraid to reach out. I'll be here <3

[chlorinecake]

so, after a couple of hours (days) contemplating this, Darling you gotta share ur writing story with me. (if someone's asked this alrdy my apologies, feed me anything and I'll be grateful). But I'm just so downright curious🙂. i like hearing people's writing journeys and like, I need to know how u found urself here today in terms of your writing because I think about it more often than I should 🤣

─ hayzie

🤍 Hi, Hayzie !! I don’t know why it always gets me so excited whenever I hear from you on here, but anyways, this is such a great question, and I’m flattered by your curiosity :( Here goes my long as frick answer for ya, lovey ~

GROWING UP ⊹ I was homeschooled, and hanging around the house all day led to me picking up a lot of random hobbies, one of which being freelance creative writing. I wrote so many original songs, short stories, and even poems during that time, and I'd say this sort of upbringing is what helped foster the strong love for literature and art I hold in my heart today ⊹

DISCOVERING TUMBLR ⊹ So this is where the story gets interesting. Imagine a 17 year old me introducing my former Kpop-fan sister turned anti to the wonderful era of 4th gen Kpop. She fell in love with the culture all over again, which led to us doing this thing where we would role-play as certain Kpop idols through texts and gifs 🥴...

• So one night as I was looking for a Heeseung gif to send her, I stumbled upon one that looked really high quality, and it so happened to be posted by this page on Tumblr. Though st the time, I had never heard about that app/website before. When I clicked the gif, it took me to this link , and all I remember seeing was a bunch of ~freaky deaky~ warnings, but I scrolled past them (out of curiosity) before actually reading the words, and that’s when I realized "Oh, this is a story about Heeseung that a fan wrote…"

• To this day, I never forgot that story, but like, back then, I didn't even know what "smut" meant 😭 so when the story started describing a sexual scene between Heeseung and the MC, I was honestly a bit uncomfortable to the point that I couldn't even bring myself to finish reading it, yet at the same time, I was so intrigued.

• I ended up telling my sister about Tumblr (after she begged to know where I kept finding those high quality gifs), before she eventually fall into a DEEP hole of K-pop fanfic, which later compelled me to read more fics myself. Our favorite blog back then was @kpophubb, because of how diverse and well written her content was, but I also discovered other blogs like @starrywonie and @hee-pster who really inspired me to wanna start a blog for myself where I'd upload all of my original work, but I was still nervous about it... that is, until my sister told me about her blog, four months after she had already created it that sneaky bitch ⊹

INTRODUCING CHLORINECAKE ⊹ The very next day after my sister told me about her secret blog, I had this surge of motivation to start my own page! Using a short story I found buried in one of my forgotten writing apps, I edited it over night, and got my pictures and title together. I'll admit that I was very nervous at first, as I didn't know what to expect from the people who’d read it, especially considering how it was my first ever original written work to be put online. Fortunately though, I instantly fell in love with the engagement, the environment of Tumblr, and the new people I was meeting along the way... and yeah, that's pretty much how I got here today ⊹

[puresunshyne]

Single Mom Things

I've been on a long hiatus from this blog.

Lately, though, Tumblr keeps popping up into my conscious thoughts. I've been working my tail off and keeping my nose to the grindstone since my car broke down last October.

It's been a grueling eight months since. I've spent literal thousands of dollars on rides back and forth to work. I've had people offer to help without me asking them to and then leave me in a worse place than I was in.

Blowing up my phone while I'm at work to tell me that they KNOW I've gotten my tax return back (I actually didn't even file because I haven't been able to afford $50 for an Uber there and back), that they've looked up my tax information (he of course, changed that story when I pressed him about it and acted like I was crazy for questioning him about how he would access something like that (of course during dinner rush at work) and how their grandmother questioned why they would support me by REQUESTING a handmade crocheted scarf as her Christmas present when he could have gotten the same thing off of Amazon for $10. Why on Earth he would think that was a message he should pass along to me, I'll never know. This is in between messages from him telling me how he's hoping to get fired from various jobs and having ex and current girlfriends pay his rent and bills. Meanwhile, I'm the bad guy for not sending him money that I don't even have to feed myself with.

On the other hand, I have someone constantly telling me not to call Ubers because it's so expensive who stands me up multiple times per week after agreeing to pick me up at a certain time (individual days/times, not weekly). That in turn means that I'm forced to call an Uber or Lyft because I actually can't find a ride within an hour of me needing to be at work. Then he gaslights me about how it's not his responsibility to pick me up (after him contacting me to offer) and calls me a bitch for getting upset.

And then there are the ever present men who constantly want details about how I'm struggling so they can pretend to care and try to use those empty messages as a segue into scoring a date with me. Sending me creepy messages about how they would TOTALLY help me, I just need to ASK THEM SPECIFICALLY. Homie, if you wanted to help, you would offer to help. Not tell women that if they jump JUST A LITTLE HIGHER and do this EXACT TRICK JUST RIGHT, then you'll help them. That's incel behavior and makes you seem like you're liable to take advantage of women in any form you can.

Let's not forget the guy who kept telling my daughter and I that he was going to cosign on a house to rent as a roommate situation and then turned around and made a scene in the Chili's parking lot about how he couldn't understand why I don't want to date anyone or why I'm not interested in dating him, WHY won't I explain it to him and WHY won't I give him a chance.

So yesterday, I finally gave up trying to do it by myself (with or without creepy, predatory men trying to put me in terrible situations) and created a Go Fund Me to try and pull together some of the money that I need to get my Jeep fixed.

If you can spare even a dollar or two, I'd be ridiculously grateful. I don't think any of us were meant to do this alone.

[theangrypomeranian]

Hey, I don't know if you remember me, lol. I left a (what felt like) rambly comment on Chapter 26 of Baby Steps on AO3 (under the same username) a long time ago, thanking you for portraying how Tina gets support from the people around her after dealing with all the jerky guys and the harrassment she faces. (I think I quoted what Frond said in that chapter, also?) Anyway, I kept reading until it was updated in August because of work and prepping for my sophomore year of college. I wish I still kept up with it at that point, honestly, as this story really just helped me with a lot, but life drained me.

I just recently was able to go back and pick up from where I left off (though I did go back to around the end of the prom arc, because that's what I had the clearest memory of). And I just wanna thank you again for writing this story.

You're an amazing writer, I'm so glad I found this story when I did. Thank you for responding to that comment I made way to early in the morning, for giving me an outlet to deal with these feelings I didn't know I still had from my harrassment experience, and thank you for responding with your kindness and understanding. You'll never know how much I sobbed when I saw your reply, especially when you had typed that you believed me. Even as I type this ask up, I'm getting teary-eyed thinking about it because some part of me still feels in disbelief that someone believes me. Thank you.

I've thought about this series for so long, and I'm glad I get to come back and continue reading. I hope you're well, and I wish you the best. Thank you for all that you do and for changing my life for the better. Truly, I admire you. I'll always be supporting you and your writing.

this has taken me way too long to respond do and i want to apologize for that. i have no excuse other than executive dysfuntion and general exhaustion like to kick my ass lol.

i want you to know that i literally think about you and that comment you left all the time because it means the absolute WORLD to me. i believe i told you in my reply that i am also a fellow survivor and i wrote the story for people like you and i to read and find some closure and healing in. knowing that i accomplished what i set out to do has kept me going so many times when i looked at the wip and had thoughts of just giving up, of abandoning it and disappearing from the internet. i couldn't because people like you and i deserve a happy ending. these characters and their stories deserve to be finished for people like us. and i want you to know that until the day i am gone, i will believe you and your story. what happened to you was awful and as Mr. Frond said, someone with authority should have stood up for you. in my opinion it is criminal that they didn't. you didn't deserve that. but you are so so strong for getting past that and being where you are now. and i am so incredibly proud of you, and i am forever humbled and grateful that my silly little fic has helped you even a little bit. thank you for sending this ask and telling me all of this, and i hope Baby Steps' ending makes you happy. <3

[rainbow-flavoured-skittles]

You know I love you boy, in every single way

I finally got around to editing this after a month of letting it rot in my drafts. this was actually going to be a scene in Hey Mom, Dead Mom, but got cut out, so keep in mind that this takes place during the second chapter. the title is from the song 'I don't need your love' because for some reason my brain will only let me name things after songs in this series. bonus points if you know why this ends the way it does. cross posted to ao3

~

To: Jay

From: Cole

Hi, Jay. I know that you’re supposed to start a letter with ‘dear,’ but I think that you already know how much you matter to me. At least, I hope you do. I’m sorry if I didn’t show it enough. I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m running away going away for a while. I know that I was a terrible friend to you, and my grief was no excuse for ignoring you, so I understand if you don’t want to read this. I also understand if you don’t ever want to think of me again and want to shred this paper into tiny pieces. That’s what I would do in your position.

Our last meeting was awkward, I think. I left without saying goodbye and I’m sorry for that. I don’t even know why I did that. I don’t know why I do a lot of things. It was nice, being able to hang out with you again. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. It was the happiest I’d felt in a while when we were together.

I don’t know exactly why I kept ignoring you for so long. You were my best friend and one of the only people who cared about me. You were also one of the only good things in my life. I think I kind of shut down after my mom’s death. Nothing seemed worth doing anymore, not when she was gone. She still is gone, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be functional again. Does that make sense?

I’m rambling now. You were always the chatty one out of the two of us, and I liked it that way. You helped comfort me with a lot of things when my dad was being harsh or when the kids at my school were being jerks. I’m not sure if I was good at comforting you, though. I’m not good with emotions. Or being a good friend. You were my first friend, really. I should have done more to show how much I care.

I can’t fit all that I want to say in this letter. There’s just too much, but I think it boils down to a few things: one, I’m sorry for how I was after my mom died. You didn’t deserve that. Two, you were the best friend I ever had and I’m so incredibly grateful for you. I hope that you can find someone as amazing as you to be your friend. I never deserved you in the first place. Three, you are an incredible person and I love you so much, as sappy as it is.

I can’t tell you where I’m going away to, because even I don’t know. And even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. It’s nothing personal, just plausible deniability and all that if I end up a missing persons case. Though I doubt I will. I’m not putting a date on this for the same reasons.

My letter writing skills are a bit lacking, so I’m not sure how to end this. Just know that you’re an amazing person, I care about you so so much, and I’m sorry for everything.

So this is goodbye. 

All my love,

Cole

[characterswithcolorsnamesfight]

If you haven't filled the survey completely yet, can you please send in [Phenomena by Ruben Eliassen] which Azur is from among the novels? The Norwegian publisher is treating it like crap these days and print fewer and fewer copies rather than celebrating its 22nd anniversary and being grateful for it being one of the first (and best) Norwegian fantasy book series. It was the one that made people start taking the genre seriously in Norway so it'll be depressing if it just disappears..!

Cool things for it's time and still is:

The hero has a love interest, the heroine doesn't, the author has later said that she's an aroace lesbian.

A 12-year old girl becomes friends with a guy in his 20s, they do not end up together and stay friends for the rest of the series.

The author manages show don't tell in a book, and discusses the weird misogyny that was around in the 2000s rather than acting like it never happened.

While there's unfortunately some implied r**e, are the ones doing it not glorified or end up with their victims. One of the victims is a man and treated as just as terrible as the other one and is never joked about.

One tribe that were used as slaves take the cousin tribe of the tribe that kept them as slaves as their slaves, this isn't treated as okay.

Adults aren't always right.

The protagonists both have ADHD but are presented as intelligent in their own ways despite being twins.

Is just very good.

Oh sure ! This seems really promising and rather woke for a 2000s book (some of you need serious updating and should come with special warnings but we love you 2000s series)

Here's the survey for those who'd like to help ! Reminder : we're talking about Phenomena by Ruben Eliassen (Norwegian book) and Ragnarok by Odin Helgheim (Norwegian comic). All hail Norway !

(Just a thought from someone whose country has a heavy colonial past : Not sure the "ex slaves turn easily into oppressors when given power" is actually a good take since I believe the "they'll do the same to us if given the occasion/as revenge on us" was the kind of saying used to oppose the end of slavery. It doesn't mean the book doesn't have great takes or that the author and readers are racist, just that it's possibly a poor/clumsy take)

You had me at twins with different personalities ! (I'm joking, I was into it when you said fantasy from Norway and I realized I didn't know what Northern fantasy looked like as a genre) If they translate it, I'll do my best to get my twin to read the copy I'll get

Funnily enough, my favorite kid/young teen series is a French series who never had been translated which title is Phaenomen (from the Latin noun, all the chapters have a Latin title). It's about kids with different kinds of disabilities (unnamed but quite reminescent of autism and other mental or physical disorders -with a supplementary 'magical/sciency' touch but I promise no magical superhealing stuff- : dyspraxia, hypermnesia, migraines, hyperfixations, hypersensitivity to light, difficulties to communicate, anger management issues etc.) who flee the special needs type of clinic they're in and find themselves in quite a lot of trouble as they try to survive together as a makeshift family and run from some powerful Templar sect who's taken an interest in their uncommon abilities (special vision, superspeed, soul manipulation... all are the other sides of their disabilities)

It's been a while since I've last read it but I used to reread it several times a year. Some stuff in it might be problematic (ableism-wise) but I also have autistic friends who love the series too

If anyone else wants to mention childhood/teenagehood/pasthood reads not translated into English from their own countries, don't hesitate ! (Also works for movies, games and whatnot)

[kayjaydee17]

Now I’m curious- which fic(s) inspired Don’t Worry, Baby? I really love your writing a LOT :)

It took me so long to find it (cut to: me, scrolling through all the fics in the OFMD age regression tag), but it was All in Time by triviality_pursuit. It's not the first fic I've read with institutionalized littleness, but it stuck with me because I kept wanting it to be darker, meaner, more dystopic.

And it's fine that it's not! I always feel awkward saying "I personally wanted this story to be more [insert thing here]" because while I feel that way, that doesn't mean that what the author wrote was wrong or bad. It just didn't speak to me personally, and that's okay! Not everything is written for me! I hope the author was writing exactly what they wanted to write and I hope they loved every second of it.

I read a lot of OFMD age regression fics and I kept finding the same thing -- I wanted a bit more darkness, a bit more cruelty, a bit more exploitation. (which, once again, does not mean the authors should have been writing those things.) I also, I mean, okay, honestly? I find age regression hot. I have a million different age play kinks and I love infantilism and Daddy kinks and ABDL and power dynamics, and aspects of all of those tend to be present in age regression fics. (and someone shouting that "this is non-sexual!!!!" in their author's notes, er, does not actually make my kinks disappear. Sorry, but you telling me I can't find something sexy doesn't actually do anything to make me not find it sexy; it just kinda makes me find you annoying.)

(and there is a huge difference between someone saying, "If you leave a sexual comment, I will delete it/block you" and trying to demand how people engage with their writing in their own heads. You can control how you engage with other people, you can't control how people think or feel.)

.... this is now turning into a rant about boundaries and my personal pet peeves about things that people think are boundaries but actually aren't. Back to the point!

There is a lot of OFMD age regression fic and I'm so grateful for that. I love reading a lot of them. I just found that they weren't quite scratching an itch I wanted scratched, so in a way, they all inspired me to write the kind of fic I wanted to read, one where that softness had a dark underbelly, one where the "stop hurting yourself, let me help you" element so often present in caretaking fics really emphasised the lack of autonomy*, one where sexuality was present and the author was unapologetically horny for these kinks even when the fic itself was not what we typically think of as sexual.

(* there is something so intriguing to me about the right to make bad decisions. Autonomy means sometimes doing things that are harmful to us, it means making bad choices. And I love writing something where someone takes away the ability to do that and it's good, right? Because that person can't hurt themselves in a variety of ways any more! That's good. Right? Right??? I love that complexity; I love that taking away someone's bad decisions is just as violating as taking away their good ones.)

Thank you for the opportunity to ramble about this! I hope it's not frustrating that I didn't answer with a list of recs; you can always look through my bookmarks on AO3 to see fics that really spoke to me!

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

Last Memory of You

For @mrs-alvez-2024 and @garvezshipper

Summary: It had started as a normal day. It hadn't ended as one.

Word count: 1875

Warnings: It is angsty, there's kidnapping and the fear of being very close to dying, but no one dies.

Can also be read here on Ao3

It had started as a normal day, or, as normal as their days could be. Penelope had been called out into the field to help the team on the case, and she and Luke had decided to go on a coffee run for the team. They had no reason to suspect that anything would go wrong, but then, wasn’t that how these things always started? Bad things happened to people, bad things happened to them, even, but not out of the blue. There was always some sort of tell. 

Except there wasn’t. Not this time. The front parking lot to the coffee shop was completely packed. That wasn’t all that unusual, it was a popular shop on a busy street. It was just busy enough, however, that only the front parking lot was full. The back parking lot was completely empty, so they had their choice of spots. 

When they exited the coffee shop and got back in the car there was no indication that anything had happened. It was when Luke turned on the car, however, and a gas poured out of the air conditioning that they realized they were in danger. 

And that was the last thing they remembered. 

*** 

"Penelope. Penelope." Luke calling her name over and over was what finally woke her up. 

She looked around to see where they were. A small, long metal room, it seemed like. Her heart sank. A shipping container. That was when she realized that she was bound to a chair. Luke was bound similarly about seven feet across from her. "What happened?"

"He must have messed with our car while we were in the coffee shop," Luke told her. "There's no way we could have known about it until it was too late." 

“Well, looks who’s finally awake,” came the grating voice of Elias Voit, the unsub they’d been chasing for months. They’d finally identified him, the end was in sight. They could have never predicted that he’d go and capture two federal agents. “Normally I don’t do this sort of thing… kidnapping law enforcement doesn’t really abide by my rules… but I can’t leave the people trying to take me down with their biggest asset.” He placed his hand on Penelope’s shoulder as he said that, and her blood ran cold.

“Don’t touch her,” Luke snarled, fury in his eyes. 

Penelope didn’t have to see Voit’s face to know that that reaction had been a mistake. “Oh-hoh! Protective, are we? Strange, considering you’re the one who roped her back into helping you in the first place. That’s right, I know. I know everything about you two. Ever since your team began following my team, I have been following yours.” Voit detailed his entire plot, down to following them to the coffee shop and hijacking their car. 

Penelope swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. She should have known that someone with the technical prowess to create that secret message board for wannabe serial killers would have known the second she identified him. She should have known. If she had guessed, she and Luke never would have left the Police station. She was responsible for them being in this situation.

No. A little voice in the back of her head reminded her. This is Voit’s fault. No one else’s. You were doing your job. You are not a profiler. This isn’t even your job anymore. You are blameless.

Voit pushed the gun he was carrying into the side of Luke’s head. “Now, unfortunately for you, I can’t keep you two around. I’m going to have to kill you, and since you’re so protective of Ms. Penelope Garcia, why don’t you go first, SSA Luke Alvez?”

Luke didn’t dignify him with a response. He just kept staring right ahead. If he was going to die, Penelope was going to be the last thing he saw. “Close your eyes,” he told her. “I don’t want you seeing this.

She stared at him for a moment longer before listening, trying to commit every detail of his face to memory, knowing this was going to be how she was going to have to remember him for the rest of her life, however long that was. 

“Any last words?” Voit asked.

Luke shook his head. He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

“Come on, you must have something you want to say to her before you die.”

Luke wondered briefly if Voit knew everything that had transpired between them, knew about his feelings for her. It was likely, if he had hacked into their computers, their phones. Seen his texts. His notes full of unsent messages. But he still didn’t say anything.

“Well, if you don’t have anything to say, maybe I will kill the girl first. I’m sure she has something to say.”

“No!” Luke bellowed. “Fine. Fine, I’ll talk. Penelope, listen to me, okay? Don’t open your eyes, just listen to me. I’m so sorry about all of this. I never should have pulled you back in. But if this is how it has to end for me… I’m okay with that. At least you are the last thing I’ll ever see in this world. I love you, Penelope. You need to know that. You’ve made me a better person and I’m so grateful to have known you.”

Penelope opened her eyes. She was going to look Luke in the eyes as she said this. He deserved as much. “I love you too, Luke.” Then she shut her eyes again, adjusting her mental image of him so that her final memory of Luke alive and breathing had him looking at her with the most adoring gaze she’d ever seen. A gaze, she realized, he’d given her many times over the years they’d known each other. She choked back sobs as she realized that if she hadn’t been so stubborn, so damn insistent on not letting him in that maybe they could have been something all these years, that she didn’t need to pine in silence, that their one date didn’t have to be all they got. But at least they had it. At least she had the memory of that one beautiful night to hold on to, even if it was only for the next five minutes. 

"Well isn't this interesting?" Voit mused. "A mutual deathbed love confession. How heartwarming. Shame I still have to kill you."

That was when she heard a bang behind her as the doors to the shipping container we forced open and she heard Emily call, “Elias Voit! FBI! Put your weapon down!”

“Don’t do it, Voit!” Rossi yelled.

Penelope heard some movement and a gunshot in quick succession. She let out a sob of grief but kept her eyes screwed shut. She refused to see Luke’s bloody, lifeless body. She refused. 

“Are you two okay?” Tara asked. 

Penelope’s grief didn’t let her understand the implication of that question.

Until a voice that she had thought she’d never hear again said, “Physically? Yeah, I think so.”

Her eyes flew open and she saw Luke, alive and well, staring at her with the same look on his face. She realized it was Voit who’d been shot in the shoulder as Emily cuffed him and hauled him out of the shipping container to an awaiting cop car. Tara was untying Luke’s bonds while Rossi and JJ worked on hers.

No sooner were they free than they were across the room and in each other’s arms, swaying with the force of their bodies hitting each other. Penelope wanted to kiss him, but she didn’t want their first kiss to be as a result of such a traumatic incident, nor did she want it to be in front of their entire team. So she just held him. “I thought he was going to kill you,” she sobbed into his chest. 

“I know,” he replied, burying his face in the curve between her shoulder and neck. “So did I. But I’m okay. And so are you.”

“I love you,” she whispered, just loud enough so that he could hear it, but not loud enough that JJ, Rossi, Emily, and Tara, who were standing off to the side to give them some space, could. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

He held her a little tighter. “I love you too. But we should probably go now. We can talk about this tonight, okay?”

He felt her nod against him and, although he desperately didn’t want to, he released her from his hold. She flashed him a watery smile, and they turned back to their team, who gladly enveloped them in hugs of their own. Tara went to Luke first, holding onto her best friend and defacto brother as hard as she could, while Rossi went to his pseudo-daughter. Hugs all around were given, and then they finally made their way back to headquarters.

***

That night, after hours of interviews and paperwork, Luke invited Penelope to come over and see Roxy. Puppy cuddles always helped after something like this. Plus, they needed to talk. 

They played for a bit before Penelope said, “So… we need to talk about this.”

Luke looked up from Roxy to the other pair of brown eyes in the room. “Yeah. We do.”

Penelope hesitated for a moment. “But I don’t even know what to say. I mean, I know how you feel, and you know how I feel, so what do we even say?”

“Well, we need to figure out where we go from here. I don’t want this,” he gestured between the two of them, “to be a trauma response or a way of coping with what we just went through. I want this to be something because I’ve been in love with you for years.”

“Years? But I was terrible to you!”

He smiled easily. He always did around her. “I knew you didn’t mean it.”

“How?”

“Luke Alvez, Behavioral Analyst. It’s what I do.”

She laughed loudly at the callback to an old conversation of theirs, years before, the first day she met the beautiful dog stretched across their laps. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I wasted all that time pretending to hate you.”

“I’m sorry it took me four years to ask you out and another three to tell you I love you.”

“Well you better not take a few years before you kiss me for the first time.”

He shifted them so his arm was around her waist and she was looking at him. “What if I only made it a few more seconds?”

“Still too long,” she replied, leaning up and pressing her lips against his.

He placed his hand on her cheek, long fingers reaching to the back of her head, gently holding her there. When they finally pulled back to breathe, he rested his forehead against hers, panting slightly. “So… are we finally doing this?��

“I think we’ve waited long enough, don’t you?”

“More than,” he replied, leaning down to kiss her again. 

The thing about memories is this: every second passed is a memory made. Each memory is your last until you make another one. After all, last can also just mean most recent.

[twyla19]

This is a long one (keep reading just cause its a lot)

This school semester has been absolutely shit. I am FINALLY getting to finish the last two finals, and then i will be done.

I started off dealing with losing a friend (to be homest i should talk with them) and then i had a friend stay with me, which he got locked out of my spare room, which turned into me finding out i wasnt allowed in there (i live in a 2 bed but paying for one cajse of my disability, so its stupid i dont have access) then that next week my car battery died, so i spent the day worrying about everything BUT class material.

A friend started leaving me on read and ghosting me. Then my friend left cause he needed to be back, and i could only host someone for 2 weeks. I started to try and catch up with schoolwork but am constantly anxious about everything all at once. Kept overthinking and worried cause of deadlines and midterms.

Then, after midterms, i dealt with two friends just leaving / blocking me. For no reason. Which i have dealt with like all of my fucking life and im sick of it. If you dont want to be friend just fucking tell me, which one did and mad respect. However, the other one literally stayed with me for two weeks.

So i was very depressed and just again stressed about school work. I lost motivation for everything but am still doing my best. Then, before i knew it, it was fall break. I was able to catch up on late assignments, i got in contact with a case manager, and now it's finals week. I am teeering on a C, which can pass or fail me with the essay i turned in today. I struggled to find my topic for this essay. And this same fucking class the professor is my advisor for my second major OH IM A DOUBLE MAJOR BTW so i had a 19 credit semester PLUS ALL THIS OTHER BS. Its like every week *something else* has to go wrong. Im just hoping and praying that i passed this class cause it's been a shitty semester, and i dont want to cry more.

I suffer in silence cause i hate taking from others positive moods, but damn do i want to finally be done. I have two more finals i have procrastinated and are due tomorrow night. So i have all day to get them done.

Im just tired. In all aspects. And it sucks. Once i get to my parents' house, i am gonna curl up into a ball in my room and just stay there for a while. Im so thankful for the people who have been in my life and have supported me (with or without knowing about this) and still love me through it.

I have not been more happy to say i love my friends so much, so much platonic love. It's so overlooked, but it means the world to me. I am so grateful. 💜

[bunny-heels]

i kept going back and forth on if this would be an appropriate thing to post, but i feel like this is another thing that a lot of people should know regarding the situation, especially since all the things i've seen are only visible to the notes of my post that i feel like others need to be aware of.

so since making my post about the no-fly list situation, ive honestly received almost nothing but people absolutely agreeing with it. other than the first reply of that post being someone who called me anti-american, which i deleted, all the notes have been very civil, open, and completely appreciative of what i wrote, and especially it seems like it's given people a lot more respect for both maia and the targeted people of the list.

ive seen people talk about maia's identity and how important it is to acknowledge that what it is was also correlated to what it did. a lot of people being supportive of maia's personal labels and saying that it doesnt matter what you think of them but whats important is what it did. even someone who said they didn't like maia for being a bi lesbian said they appreciated the effort it took to do what it did.

there's a fair amount of tags on the post from people who had their own, or similar experiences related to the list, or general discrimination when it comes to travel. one person who had a japanese teacher who was on the list for protesting the vietnam war. one whos dad was flagged during screening because of his muslim+indian name. one who had a friend whos been on the list since 4 years of age, meanwhile none of their other family is on the list, because they were the only one with an arabic name.

there were people in the notes who were muslim themselves, some not from america aswell, who had very little info even about the list, and when reading about it were absolutely shocked by what was found, but also grateful for its discovery, probably even feeling a lil safer knowing that there is someone who cares about them enough to do something that many, many people wouldnt.

today, someone who was on anon sent a message in my inbox, saying that they appreciated my post for very personal reasons. out of respect i wont share it, but one particular part of it that stood out, among the other details, and something that many, many people in the post notes have been saying is that my post was their exact thoughts on the situation that they couldnt put into words the same way i did.

i think theres another important thing that people are missing about the no-fly situation. something i've seen myself, which many people will completely discouraged and say it's dangerous.

you should not be scared to talk about and have opinions on things you care about. because if you cared about them, then it doesn't matter what others think of you. if you say an opinion and you lose a friend over it, that's their decision. you lose family over it, that's their decision. you lose followers/subscribers/supporters over it, that's their decision. it's everyones decision to do what they feel depending on the reactions they have to what you say. there is nothing you can do about it. there is nothing you can do about someone disagreeing with you. and that's okay.

it's okay if you lose a friend, a family member, and supporters. it's okay if they disagree with you. it's okay that they don't want to be around you anymore. because then that means you can be happy. that means you are finally getting room to be who you are and have no one around to tell you otherwise, to tell you that they think youre wrong and deserve to be left alone.

as time goes on, you'll gain people who will care about you again. who agree with your opinions and agree with who you are. people that want to let you know they value your opinion and will keep you in a space with others like you. by then it won't matter what or who is against you. all that will matter is that youve given yourself a new start. a new area to be free and not worry about those who go against you.

it's okay to show that you care about people. that you want the best for them. that you want the world to be a better place. it's okay for you to surround yourself with those who will respect you and care about what you have to say. it's okay that you've formed opinions based around you and others experiences. that's okay. you're okay.

learn to care about yourself. to care about people who are like you and have been through what you have. to listen to others and understand where theyre coming from. you dont know them and they dont know you. and learn to stand up for yourself. be open about what you believe in. dont be afraid of who wont like you. of who will threaten to leave or hurt you for what you think. your opinions and what you have to say are important. you are important. as important as everyone who is similar to you and thinks what you think. you will never lose that.

to people who are also in LGBT+ like maia, i'm glad you have someone to look up to. to the muslim, indian, arabic, hispanic, japanese, chinese, korean, russian, ukrainian, and many others out there, i'm glad you know just how much people care about you and want you to be happy.

and to the anon, i won't post your ask. but i will keep it with me out of joy that i've made you feel comfortable.

[jongbross]

an open letter to kim jongin...

yesterday, i posted this letter, answering such a deep question a dear anon sent me: "what makes jongin so special to you?"

i felt conscious about this, as i've written in such a delicate time, so i decided to delete it right after. but i realized that i shouldn't be scared, or worried, or conscious about people reading what i feel about jongin. every feeling is valid and we should all respect each other - and those who doesn't, you can fuck off.

thank you guys for providing me a space where i can be true, where i'm at least the slightest comfortable to post this. it means a lot <3

so please, consider this an open letter to kim jongin...

"i keep staring at the keyboard. like, i know i have so much to tell you, jongin, but i just don’t know how to express myself?

i’ll give it a try anyway.

well, i just wanted to say you thank you for coming into my life. i still remember so vividly the moment i saw you - like, actually saw you, noticed you for the first time. i remember being so overwhelmed by your dancing and by the mv itself. i remember the feeling, the 'damn i gotta see more of that' building up inside of me. i remember talking about you and people being like 'yeah, he’s great'.

they were right, you are. the greatest, the prettiest, the most talented. i don’t care that you might not be confident with your voice, because i love it; i don’t care that you don’t think you’re cool, cause you’re the coolest to me. it’s crazy how much i love you and how much i care about you. 

you see, i always had idols in my life. being a fan is such a big part of my life and i didn’t regret stanning anyone up to this day (got disappointed, yeah, but never regretted). i always loved my idols with such a passion and some of them are still here with me while others drifted away naturally from me. somehow, for some reason, i was so sure you would drift away too; i was so certain that i would fall in love with you, get obsessed and then move on with my life but, i gotta say, you surprised me, jongin-ah.

it’s so weird how my eyes always look at you first, how my ears listens to your voice first, how you pull me towards you every time. and it’s so weird how i feel every time i see you, how happy i get and angry too because it shouldn’t be normal to love someone like this. it isn’t real, this feeling. it’s way too big to be true.

and i kept feeling that - i still do, to be honest -, but something so curious happened. i remember being so down and so sad after everything happened (you know what i'm talking about), and i was looking for comfort. i blamed myself for becoming your fan, and my guides told me that you were meant to be in my path. now, i don’t know if it was truly them or it was just wishful thinking, but i remember i cried so hard and my heart ached so much but i felt like it was true - you were meant to be in my path. our roads would cross no matter what, it was destiny that brought you to me or me to you, whatever.

and gosh, i’m so glad it did. i’m so glad i found you at some point and that you took my hand and showed me exo’s road, too. i’m so glad i let you. i’m so glad to be here today, writing this even though no one may see it. because i love you so fucking much, jongin, and no one can get this. i’m happy because of you - and then i see you and feel like i’m sharing this happiness with you so that feeling gets even bigger and it becomes a cycle where i’m never truly sad anymore, because even when i am i feel you with me ready to hold me and bring me up again so i can keep walking with you down this road and i can keep being happy and seeing you be happy too.

i love you. words can’t describe how much, but i love you. songs can’t come close to how much, but i love you. measures of time and space can’t explain it either, but it is forever. i will always be grateful for you. i love you so much, and i thought it would pass, i thought that maybe it wouldn’t last forever, but it will. i’m so sure of it now. because when i picture my future, you’re there with me. you’re in the back of my head, with your perfect smile and baby eyes, cheering for me and telling me to keep going, to keep looking for my true happiness.

so i will, i promise.

love you, kim jongin."