#a n d my last round of bloodwork was worse than it was a year ago
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I’m 5 lbs away from being under 200 lbs for the first time in my adult life, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
#i went to the doctor a year ago because i was worried about my relationship with food#i was constantly hungry. constantly eating. binging multiple times a week.#… and now i have to coax myself to eat most meals. have to schedule in lunch or i’ll skip it.#a n d my last round of bloodwork was worse than it was a year ago#so what the hell am i supposed to do???#also. none of my clothes fit. but i’m still losing weight.#how do i know where i’ll stabilize?? when do i buy new clothes??? what if i start regaining!#i do not have anyone irl i feel comfortable talking about weight with so i#i will put it here i suppose.#i have a lot of feelings and thoughts about all the time i put into building myself up. body positivity.#… and there is still so much satisfaction in seeing the scale going down#and i think i feel guilty about that#i think i also feel incredibly FRUSTRATED that losing weight HASN’T changed my bloodwork#when everyone says being fat is the problem and losing weight is the solution#….. i’m still fat. like SIGNIFICANTLY so.#but why is it getting worse instead of better?#😐#it’s a mess and that’s all i know#and also i would have to lose more than double what i already have just to drop down from ‘obese’ to ‘overweight’#i’d have to loose 100 lbs to be a ‘healthy’ weight#so i just………. don’t know
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