#aH thank Allah that my brain is still working

[chalwahanjaatehain]

how am I still awake lmao

[writemed-blog]

8.2.2021

One of our former seniors told me when we were only about to start our Junior year, "do not take the boards without reading from cover to cover the book of Strasinger and Di Lorenzo."

Upon hearing that, I thought to myself, "ah he said it's only needed for boards. maybe I can still survive the semester depending only on transes." And fortunately, bittawfeeqillah, I passed AUBF without ever opening this book 🤣

BUUUT because I'm now ought to prep for boards, I've no choice but to spend my hours trying to digest these complex information 😂 It also made me realize what difference it could have made if only I read and studied the book back in the previous sem. Anyway, it happened as it is and I'm ever so grateful and contented of how things turned out, nonetheless. Alhamdulillah. 'Tis time though, no escaping 😬 we gotta finish it from cover to cover, In Shaa Allah🤓

~ ~ #life:

//Aside from my quest for growth, it's also my goal to live healthily in every aspect (Char). So, I also made a resolution to have four exercises per day: spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional.

▫️My spiritual exercise is basically my daily prayers, remembrance and reflection; and this one is the most vital of them all! It sets the tone for my day and I believe it's the one that puts baarakah in my time.

▫️Of course, physical exercise is my daily workout routine and it's one of my favorite parts of my everyday! I read from one of my books that one of the ways to keep the brain healthy is to keep oneself physically active.

"Although scientists have not yet proven any direct link between physical activity and brain performance, human experience and observations prove the benefits of a healthy body for proper brain function." [Healing Body & Soul by Amira Ayad. p. 239]

Furthermore, it also allows my system to release hormones and chemicals that improves my overall mood and as a result, boosts my interest to study. Adding this to my routine really made a difference! (thanks for introducing, senpai! : P)

A minimum of 15 mins gentle stretch will always be better than none at all. ; >

▫️I guess mental exercise needs no further elaboration. Jk hahahaha. This, of course is my study timeee. The one I've got no choice but do and include. Looool

One of my greatest issues is my very short attention span. Like really, it's something that I should verily have to work on. And hopefully, I'll get to find ways to resolve and improve on it soon, In Shaa Allah.

I'm also having a trouble identifying my peak study hour but I notice that I function well in late mornings and late afternoons, sometimes also at night, but right now I'd like to spend my evenings for leisure. Time will come that I'll also use it for this, but..not yet. 🤣

▫️Lastly, which I also added just very recently, emotional exercise. In here, I aim to manage my emotions whenever the go haywire. Lately, there have been some things that are disrupting my homeostasis and I'd like to work on training myself to remain composed and stable by avoiding anything that will pull the trigger, and that includes, and mainly, restricting my eyes from things that I know will disturb my peace and hurt my feelings.

It's somewhat the most challenging one, (yes, even challenging than the mental exercise hahahahaha) because it affects my overall well-being, thus encompassing and in times, affecting all the other three above; but I'd definitely work on it because emotional instability is just reaaallllyyy unhealthy and I'm not so fond of negativities. Soo shoooo. 🤣

~ ~

today was kinda productive, hence, this blog update. ^ O ^

Alhamdulillahi lathee bini'matihi taatimmus saalihaat ♡

[feebledetective]

15 questions, 15 mutuals.

⭑ Are you named after anyone? mmMMMM I don’t think so-- Probably not? I think my dad wanted to name me after his mom or siblings or something, I don’t remember but we somehow got whatever my current name is. If I had to take a wild guess and I doubt this is even the case it’s Dovecore at its peak and I’m sure my fam have more brain cells than me but what if I’m named after a chocolate brand in my place. Hell yeah-

⭑ When was the last time you cried? LAST NIGHT BC I’M A BABY AND PANIC ATTACKS HATE ME SO MUCH SO KAJSHDGFHDJSK 

⭑ Do you have kids? If animals count as kids then ofc, a mother of 2 wild animals-- I hope to be a mother of 3 and you’ll see why later on. Okay but human kiddos? Nah, I don’t have em. Don’t know if I want them, actually, they lowkey make me feel really uneasy during their babbie stages and pregnancy is just. nO THAT’S TOO SCARY. :)  

⭑ Do you use sarcasm a lot? Mmm I guess-? For the most part, though, they’re pretty harmless and I usually joke around with sarcasm. Nothing harmful~

⭑ What’s the first thing you notice about people? Hard to tell,,,, I guess like-- Their demeanor? How they talk and such. I mean-- Just by noticing their demeanor it lowkey ‘helps’ me decide what kind of a person they are, and whether or not I’m comfortable around em aksjdhfghdj

⭑ What’s your eye color? As boring as possible; brown.

⭑ Scary movie or happy ending? Why not both? I don’t really watch a lot of movies and I’m beyond selective with spooky movies now (Not counting J-horror lemme watch all.) but,,,, It would be nice to see a happy ending in some spooky movies. It’s better than some endings that don’t really make sense? And if the happy ending is fitting and not out of nowhere. 

Okay, example time, I’m gonna ramble a bit about the Pet Sematary remake because I’ve been thinking about that movie again so “spoiler alert” for the main story heyo & death tw; As much as I wanted some sort of a good/happy ending I don’t think it would ‘fit’ it well with how the events played out. Your kid’s dead, you brought them back to life, and just. I wanted a good ending but after the wife comes back to see her kid “alive” again I think the chances of the fam being okay and happy is far from gone. The movie could’ve ending/gotten a good ending if they didn’t bring back their pet to life and if sad husband didn’t bring their kid to life but that defeats the whole point of the plot so. </3 Basically, if we got a happy ending for that movie, it would be completely out of place in my opinion. Also please read/watch the remake of Pet Sematary.

⭑ Any special talents? I’m the MASTER at rambling on and on about my special interests/hyperfixation(s) I don’t think anyone’s gonna understand how far I’ll go with this, and ofc making my bank account scream with my impulsivity-- Okay but aside from that, I guess I’m a decent artist. I know more about what to do than actually doing it and it makes me cri aksjdhf

⭑ Where were you born? This one hospital here, in the Middle East-- 

⭑ What are your hobbies? Drawing, playing gaems, writing, uh hhh,,,, Doing stuff with my OC’s ajhsbdnJS, and screaming about my interests when given the chance to do so because I will cry. I guess baking too because those are really fun!

⭑ Do you have any pets? OH YES I HAVE A CAT WHO’S MY SWEET DARLING BOY AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! AND MY DARLING SWEET COCKATOO SHE’S A WILD DEVIL I DIE FOR THEM BOTH MAN,,,, I would love to have a pet giant African millipede one day, I’m prepared for a 3rd child because I love everything about them.

⭑ What tattoos / piercings / body mods do you have? I don’t even have ear piercings because that involves a needle I think, too scary. But,,, Honestly, having a tattoo doesn’t sound all bad but it’s not something I’d get out of my way to get. Lowkey nervous to do that sometime because of religious stuff aH- If you ask me what tattoo I want I don’t. Know uhm- 

As for body mods, give me some juicy body horror I look boring asdfg  

⭑ How tall are you? I don’t even know/remember but here’s helpful info: I was once Makoto Naegi’s height. Wowzers jee willikers oh worm- I’m probably short though hm...

⭑ Dream job? ,,,,,I don’t eVEN KNOW RN BECAUSE IT’S SO INCONSISTENT. It’s inconsistent af because of one of my mental illnesses, changes every 10 seconds, but as of now,,, Despite how I’m majoring in art and death is a huge trigger of mine, I wanna work in a morgue asdfghfdjs

⭑ Favorite subject at school? English, Art & TOK!! I only had one year in a TOK class (because I’m not an IB student anymore thank Allah.) and that class was made for me. 

I guess History’s one of em too but I haven’t had that subject in 3 years I think. Biology would also be one of the subjects I enjoy but e e eeee learning difficulties- too much information to process and it gets too complicating bUT IT’S STILL,,, V INTERESTING SO H-

tagged by: @ahogedetective [ tyyy KayKay ilysm!!! ]

tagging: @hasikon @overthinkex @truthgloved @subserviiient @marshson @liarsadvocate @omghoshii @heart-ruled @the-luminary-of-stars & whoever wants to do this !!

[qisasqisasqisas]

C8: ‘Cirque du Arses’

Başımı John’un her dava sonrası oturup bloguna yazılar döşediği masaya bırakıp herkesin birbirine bakıp gülmesini izlemekle geçirdim. İçlerinden sadece Elvan sakin ve donuktu. Yıldız Tilbe de bildiğiniz gibi işte, Yıldız Tilbe olmaya devam ediyordu. Sherlock, John ve Jim hiç bitmeyecekmiş gibi olan bir konuşma içinde Elvan’la Yıldız’a bakıyorlardı. Yıldız onları görüp yerden kalkıp John’un yanına gider. 

Y.T: “Şarkı aççsana!” John kadının bağırmasından irkilip ona gülerek bakar.

J: “What?”

Y.T: “ŞŞAARKI AÇSANA LAN!” Bu biraz sert oldu Yıldız abla. 

J: “shhrkı?”

Y.T: “SONG SONG! İdyot herif.” 

Aralarındaki saçma iletişime katlanamadığımdan Yıldız’ı kolundan tutup sandalyeye oturturum. 

A: “Ne istersin Yıldız abla?”

Y.T: “Aç be oynak bişiiğler!”

A: “Tamam.” derim hafif korkmaya başlayarak. Kadının dağınık kızıl saçları ve diplerindeki siyahın tonunun dikkatimi dağıtması sonucunda arkamda oluşan halay topluluğunu fark etmem biraz zaman almıştır. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COghD-UyE3U

Bir anda arkamdan çok tanıdık melodiler gelir. AH hayır! Balkanlar olmaz! Kapatın şu müziği! Hangi ilerizeka açtı bunu? Off. Maalesef o dans çemberine katılıp ben de istemsiz şekilde oynamaya ve göbek atmaya başlarım. Bir anda sol kolumu ezip geçen bir cisim çemberin ortasına yerleşip hepimize iş atmaya başlar. Bu cisim tabii ki Yıldız Tilbe’den başkası değildir. 

Y.T: “AAAAAALLAH. Aaah, ağağaaağağa aah!” diyerek savaş çığlıklarıyla çemberdeki herkesi etkisi altına alır. Bu etkinin kesinliğinden emin olunca da Sherlock’a oynar her şeyi. Sherlock çok saçma bir şekilde etkilenmiş görünür ve onu izler. Yıldız sonra John’un sinirlerine basmaya çalışır.

Y.T: “Sen de az oyna be babalık!” 

John ne dediğini anlamaz ama kendi çapında oynar fakat Yıldız Tilbe olaya müdahale edip nasıl oynaması, parmak şıklatması ve kıvırması gerektiğini gösterir. 

Bence ben hala rüya görüyorum. Gerçekten bu kadar şey sonunda rüya çıkacak tıpkı Lost’ta olduğu gibi. Mantık çerçevesine oturtabildiğim tek kişi Elvan olduğundan ona yapışacağım gibi bundan sonra. 

J.M: “Hey witch! Can you teach me that?” der meraklı çocuklar gibi. Bu Jim gerçek bir gerizekalı. Neyse ki Elvan ve Sherlock bunlara katılmadı da kendimi yalnız-

S: “Me too!” Bu ne entüziyağzım?

E: “Oh fuck it. I just want to learn the belly dance.” der bana bakıp. Hepsi salakça bir şekilde Yıldız’ın yaptığından bağımsız başka danslar türetirken ben de bu müziğin kaynağını bulmaya çalışayım bari. Bu öyle telefondan bilgisayardan gelmiyor. Bildiğiniz alttan alttan geliyor. Basını sonuna kadar açmışlar falan böyle. Hayır bayan Hudson yaşlı başlı olmasa o açtı diyeceğim. Hadi o açsa şiki şiki baba açmaz. Şimdi bunu burada bir ben bir de Yıldız Tilbe bilir. Ha belki de Elvan. Elvan’ın telefonuna mı baksam acaba şehir şebekesi hoparlörlerie mi bağlı diye? Etrafı aramaya başlamam son hız devam ederken arkamda bir el hissedip Allah yarattı demeden arkama dönüp elini kırarım. 

J.M: “SHIT! YOU BROKE MY ARM!” 

A: “Sorry but you interrupted my search.”

J.M:” Wha?”

A: “What?”

J.M: “What search you idiot?” Bu arada konuşurken gayet ayık daha demin kayınpederin ensesine şaplak atan damat gibi davranan bu herif. Oğlum sen kimi kafalıyorsun?

A: “Aren’t you high?”

J.M: “NO! If I was I couldn’t walk you MURDERER!”

A: “I didn’t do that on purpose. It’s a reflex.” 

J.M: “To kill people?”

A: “I just broke your hand, you sound like a tormented child locked in a basement.” 

Jim sanki ona dünyanın sırrını söylemişçesine bana bakar. Okey, galiba cidden böyle bir şey yaşamış. Evet, ‘deduction’ konusunda Sherlock’tan daha ileride olduğumu söyleyebiliriz galiba. 

J.M: “Oh god. Just fix this!” der kolunu göstererek. Ama düzeltmek istemem açıkçası. Sonuçta tükürdüğünü yalamak oluyor bu.

J.M: “FIX IT OR I’LL CALL THE POLICE!”

A: “For what exactly?” derim gevşek don lastiği gibi. Bir anda şarkı değişir ve Jim diğerlerine dönüp bakar. Ben de fırsattan istifade aramama devam ederim. 

J.M: “What you’re looking for imp?”

A: “The source of this bullshit.”

J.M: “I recommend you to find a mirror and then look at it.” 

A: “I think this supposed be funny. Where’s your sister’s phone?”

J.M: “She doesn’t use a phone.”

A: “I am sure she uses it.”

J.M: “No it’s a toy phone for children.”

A: “What are you bullshitting? Tell where it is!”

J.M: “First fix my arm.”

A: “I’m not a magician okay? Go to a hospital.”

J.M: “I can’t just walk into a hospital and say hi.”

A: “You’re just going to say, someone broke my arm please fix it doc. Oh wait. John! Tell John to fix it.” 

J.M: “NO.”

A: “Well isn’t it a bit too direct?”

J.M: “He’ll cut my arm off I’m sure of it. I’ll be Jim Lannister for the rest of my life and try to find my personality again. Which a struggle I refuse.”

A: “What did you say? Oh god you’re all maniac.” 

J.M: “The hand, is his sword hand remember? So that’s what all he is known for except being the kingslayer... but still, it’s his identification. So that Bolton man chopped his identity like Ramsey did to Greyjoy boy. Oh my god I should start doing this. I’m an idiot.” 

A: “I thought that’s what you did to Sherlock for years.”

J.M: “Oh that’s just a game. I never meant to hurt him like they do in game of thrones. It’s real life after all, so I may-”

A: “Are you sure you are not high?”

J.M: “You asked if I am not and then if I am high. Are you high?”

A: “No I’m just here for observation. I can tell that you didn’t inhaled the smoke.”

J.M: “Why were you watching me inhale and exhale things?”

A: “Oh maybe I want to be sure of my employers’ safety.”

J.M: “Which one?”

A: “Uum... you of course!”

J.M: “I’m not a fool. You meant specifically just Sherlock even though you tried to get the letter ‘s’ for John, it was not very heart felt, wasn’t it?”

A: “I broke your arm and you’re chatting with me.”

J.M: “I faked it! But I’m sure there’ll be a bruise. My only intention was to make you talk to me and I got what I needed. Thanks to your stubbornness.” 

A: “Why?”

J.M: “Well, think this as an interview for your position.”

A: “Then when will I get my results?”

J.M: “We’ll call you later.”

Gözlerimi devirip bu adamı kendisi ve saçmalıklarıyla baş başa bırakıp halay çekmeye yemin etmiş dört gerizekalıyı birbirinden ayırıp John ve Sherlock’u halay ayini çemberinin içinden çekip çıkarırım. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0IYD33BR1c&feature=youtu.be&t=25

Sonra onları merdivenlerin oraya götürürüm. 

A: “Which one of you has enough brain to talk?”

Aynı anda birbirlerini gösterip gülme krizine girerler. 

A: “Bravo then. I’ll start with you Sherlock.”

S: “Oh, we dropped the names? What happened to Mr. Holmes?”

J: “Ugh! That’s really funny! The way she says it like, oh misster Holmes where are my panties? I couldn’t find them under your bed.”

Bu adamın suratı bir yumruk istiyor. 

A: “Oh I found it John!” dedikten sonra suratına istediğini verip Sherlock’a dönerim ve bir anda adamın tüm ‘sense’leri nedense yerine gelir.

S: “You punched him! The man who hired you!”

A: “What? Should I feel conscious in a way cause he does what he must do?”

S: “No he did not have to hire you. Specifically you. He wanted it to be you!”

A: “What?”

S: “Look, I can’t keep this away from you anymore.” der ve John’a bakar. John elini suratından çekip Sherlock’a döner ve Sherlock cebinden bir zarf çıkarır. 

J: “No you won’t do it Sherlock! Get back to your senses!” 

S: “I can’t let this experiment to end with a disaster.”

J: “What disaster? She’s having fun, we are!”

A: “No actually. From the beginning of this day my mind is like a soup.”

S: “Ahaha! It’s a fun saying! A soup!” der ve John ve bana bakar. Yüzü tekrar ciddileşir ve elindeki zarfı bana uzatır.

S: “Now take it.”

J: “Don’t be ridiculous Sherlock.”

J.M: “YEAAH! Don’t be ridiculous Sherrinford!” 

Jim’in geldiğini görünce Sherlock’un yüzü düşer ve elindeki zarfı da tam ben alacakken hızla cebine koyar ve ayağa kalkıp Jim’in karşısına geçer.

S: “How come you know my name? There are only three people-”

J: “U-um!”

S: “Four people-”

A: “Uumm, don’t forget me!”

S: “Shit! I assume John told everyone around him.” dedikten sonra John’a iki tane kızgın bakış atıp kalkmasını söyler. 

J: “No... bullshit. I didn’t! But maybe Mycroft just talked to us a little about it after that incident in Sherrinford?”

S: “Stop bothering my memories! And you assistant! You will not work with him! He is a psychopath unlike me.”

A: “I thought you are all psychopaths. Except Yıldız Tilbe.”

J + S + J.M: “Who?”

A: “Can’t remember a client’s name even yet you call yourself a detective.”

S: “I remember what I choose to!” 

A: “So I should feel lucky that you didn’t forget that I’m your assistant?”

S: “Yes.”

A: “What about my name?”

S: “Well actually you never said your name and-” derken Sherlock ve John’un telefonları aynı anda çalar. 

S: “It can be a trick!” der ve dönüp Jim’e bakar.

J.M: “OH come on! I am RETIRED! I have no finger on this.”

S: “Mycroft. You?”

J: “Mycroft?” der ve ikisi de aynı anda telefonu açarlar. Bir anda etrafta o iğrenç frekans çarpışmasından oluşan 1500 desibellik çınlama olur ve herkes kendini yerde bulur. Sherlock telefonunu kapatıp etrafına bakar fakat hepimiz sesten dolayı bilincimizi yerine getirmekte zorlanırız. Sherlock John’a ve Jim’e bakar. Jim yerde gülerken bacağına bir el yapışır. Jim omzunun üstünden bacağına bakar ve yavaş yavaş bedenine tırmanan Yıldız Tilbe’yi görür. Kadın zombi filminden çıkmış gibi olduğu için de Jim korkup geri kaçar ve Sherlock’a çarpar.

J.M: “Save me Sherry!” Sherlock Jim’i çeker ve ikimizin arasına alır. Yıldız Tilbe de yerde kaldığıyla kalır ve sonra da başını yere koyup uyur. 

J.M: “Is she dead?”

S: “Shut up Moriarty. John. JOHN!” Sherlock John’u sarsar ve John bir şeyler geveler.

S: “John! Wake up!”

J: “Five minutes more mummy.”

S: “I’m not your mom! Wake up!”

J: “Oh Sherlock? It’s been a long time since you haven’t-”

S: “Hush John! Stop talking nonsense... everyone can hear you. “

J: “Oh what now? Are you embarrassed?”

S: “John, stop it.” 

J.M: “Oh my god don’t tell me that you cheated on me with him!”

S: “No I did not do any kind of that particular thing that you are all thinking right now! Stop stamping us as a couple! We are a pair but not a couple!”

J: “What? we are just a pair? Like shoes?”

Allah’ım dayanamıyorum. Galiba kendimi merdivenlerden aşağı atıp Feriha gibi bayılacağım. 

A: “Sherlock don’t change the subject and give me the envelope!”

J: “What? Envelope?”

E: “What’s happening here? I can’t believe you joined them brother!” 

J.M: “Pfft! Sorry sis but you know how in love I am.” 

E: “It is OBSESSION JIM!”

J.M: “Oh fuck it! You’ve never been in love and you can’t know it-”

S: “It’s obsession.”

J.M: “What?”

S: “Love is a type of overdriven obsession.”

J.M: “WHAT?”

J: “Aaah, don’t be a dick!”

S: “Yes it is.”

A: “He is right guys.”

J + J.M: “WHAT?”

S: “Ssstop saying that! And for the first time we agree on a matter.”

A: “No actually.I know that you pretend to not believe in love but actually you do believe.”

J.M: “Yes after our time on the rooftop and-”

J: “Oh disgusting!”

S: “Don’t be homophobic.”

J: “What? ME? If I was a homophobic how would I handle all the situations of our misunderstood relationship status?” 

S: “Oh that’s just a way of denial John. We both know you are homophobic but also secretly interested in these stuff.”

J: “What stuff?”

S: “Don’t make me say things might hurt you.”

J: “No no say it. I’ve had enough hurt coming from you. It wouldn’t hurt me after evertyhing.”

J.M: “Oh fighting! I love it!”

E: “Jim please let’s get out of here.”

J.M: “What no?”

S: “Look I don’t want to hurt you! Not again in front of all these people.”

J: “Oh so you became sentimental right now? Not expected from Sherlock Holmes. Detective with a funny bloody hat!” 

S: “Do-not-call-me-like-that!”

J: “Why? Because of the woman?”

A: “What woman?”

S: “Like you don’t know!” Bu adam baya çirkefleşiyor kavga edince.

A: “I don’t!”

S: “Yeah yeah of course.”

J.M: “The woman...”

J: “Talk later Jim. We’re having a fight here!”

J.M: “Oh yeah sorry.”

J: “Tell me Sherlock. What’s it under your tongue?”

S: “Frenulum.”

J: “Sh- just say it!”

S: “What?”

J: “What I am!”

S: “You want me to make deductions about yo-”

J: “No bloody idiot! Don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean! Say it! Hurt me!”

S: “That was a bit-”

J.M: “Sexy...”

A: “Thanks for the commentary.” 

S: “No,  I would prefer self destructive and also low self esteem can be seen even from Everest!”

A: “Aq yine benim espirilerimi çalıyor.”

S: “Yeah I did. Do you have any objections?”

A: “Not of course.”

J: “Tell me!”

S: “Okay but don’t be mad at me after.”

J: “I’ll try my best.”

S: “Okay. So my deduction is that you pretend to be not interested in homosexual relationships but you are not avoiding it. So this means you are actually curious if anyone around you is homosexual you would try to get into his pants. Cause, women are not just enough for your appetite. You are a hungry sex addict man cause you need applause from everyone for what you have done in the army. Not just army, also your previous life before that. I can’t imagine how hard it was but I can understand why you are expecting to be welcomed by everyone. Cause you’ve had a lonely childhood. You never had any praise from anyone around you. Your family members were not so considerate towards your true desires of life. So you gave up on them and went to college in a different city -preferably far far away- and found the first love of your life there. Her name is something very common and plain so it made you feel you belonged somewhere. You couldn’t abandon that feeling until- Until... Unfortunately you still have that feeling. That’s why you can’t abandon me or anyone.”

Aaaaaa... Bu biraz ağır olmadı mı? Yine de çok mantıklı geldiğini söylemeliyim. Çünkü John’un suratı her cümlede gittikçe kararıyordu ve Sherlock’a yumruk atmamak için kendini zor tuttuğu barizdi. 

A: “Umm John, let’s get some air and leave this man with his hallucinations.” 

John’u omuzlarından sarsıp zorla binadan çıkarınca gece lambası yüzünden kendine gelir ve beş altı kez gözlerini kırpıştırır. 

J: “Wow. “

John bir süre caddeye bakar ve başını sağa sola sallar sanki düşünür gibi.

J: “Son of a bitch.”

A: “O-okay...” 

J: “A smart one.”

A: “Yeah... but rude.”

J: “Yes.” 

A: “You want to go to somewhere like-”

J: “Pub it is.”

A: “O-ok-okay?” 

J: “Why you stutter?”

A: “U-umm i-it’s I DON’T KNOW!”

J: “Calm down. Let’s get a cab.” dedikten sonra kafasını çıkarıp gelen taksi var mı diye bakar. 

A: “Umm, looking at the wrong direction.” dedikten sonra gelen taksiye ıslık çalarım ve durur. Garip... John hemen taksiye biner ve kapıyı kapatır. Peki. Keşke yana kayıp ben de binseydim ama olsun sinirli herhalde bu adam. Arkadan dolaşıp kapıyı açarken bir anda kapı elimden kayıverir. Çünkü taksi beni almadan direk gider. Çünkü John bir-

S: “Cock!” diyerek binadan hızla çıkar. Evet o bir ‘cock’ bir ‘dickhead’ dir. En az Sherlock kadar. 

S: “Let’s get the other one. TAXI!” der ve bir anda bir taksi gelip aramızda durur. Ta-tamam. Sherlock paltosunu çekip taksiye biner ve hızla kapıyı kapatır. Ben de kapıyı açarım ve içeri girecekken Sherlock beni eliyle iter. NE? 

S: “This cab’s for me. You take the other one.”

A: “WHAT?”

S: “Take it!”

A: “I won’t come unless you pay for it!”

S: “Don’t come then! Get OFF!”

A: “Fuck you Sherlock Holmes!”

S: “Thanks.” der ve arkamdan kapıyı kapatır. 

Ellerimi şakaklarıma götürüp baskı uyguladıktan sonra bunun rüya olduğunu ve uyanmam gerektiğini düşünürüm. Ama kendimi uyandıramam. O zaman uyanmak için ekstrem şeyler yapma gerek. Yani bu da demek oluyor ki gelecek taksinin önüne atlayacağım. Neden olmasın? 

Evet uzaktan bir taksi geliyor tam da şansıma. Taksiye hızlanıp beni alması için ıslık çalarım ve tam istediğim hızda gelir. Aramızdaki mesafeyi ve taksi hızını hesaplayıp ona göre en hasar alacak şekilde taksinin üzerine atlarım. Taksi sağa sola kıracağından ve şoförün sağlak olma ihtimali olmasına rağmen İngiltere trafik akışı soldan olduğundan adamın da kaldırıma çıkma gibi bir derdi olabileceğinden sağa doğru koşarım ve-

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s02e10 Lessons Learned review - or more aptly named, holy shit I can’t believe they put him in harm’s way, I’m going to fucking kill those bastards, oh he’s all right, good. fuck you assholes.

Episode 10 – Lessons Learned

Okey dokey, so we’re nearly halfway through season 2, and I’ve only been working on it two days (in actual reviewing time, I’m divulging some inner secrets that can only be divulged to those privileged few who deign my words worthy of reading, so shhh!!!). Pretty intense shit is going on over here.

I just called one of my friends to get rid of cockroaches. I know, it’s pussy thing to do, especially for a lady, but come on! That’s like the one bug that really gets my goat! I can deal with spiders, ants, mosquitos, even flies. But not roaches. Ugh. So gross. That and rats are my two weaknesses.

So, back to Criminal Minds, because let’s face it, Shemar and Matthew are so much better than dealing with household pests. Let’s see what this episode has in store.

Let’s see what happens.

Whoa, that’s a SWAT car. Yikes. This is gonna be intense.

A lady team leader. I love it.

Hey! It’s Professor Short-Skirt from Community! Awesome!

Well, it’s not a meth lab, but there is an escape tunnel, and that’s a fucking bomb.

Who the fuck wakes Hotch on a morning sleep-in. Damn. Poor thing.

God, I can’t believe that he has to do this to his wife. But come on, it’s his fucking job. I love Hotch so much.

Straight to business.

Wait. Emily knows Arabic? Damn.

I love you already, Prentiss. Awesome.

I love how everyone’s like, awesome! We could use her!

And then Penelope dazzles everyone with everything. Lol.

Jin d’Allah. Meaning soldier of God. Lovely.

Oh god, he’s part of the Jihad. Yikes.

Wait. Wait. Hold the presses. Reid read the Koran? Damn.

They have to do in 48 hours what the CIA haven’t been able to do in two months? Fuck.

Wait. Gideon is heading to Guantanamo Bay? Oh my god. That’s intense.

Yup, they should assess Prentiss on the field, and she’s willing enough, what’s the harm?

Dale Turner: “Some of the best lessons are learned from past mistakes. The error of the past is the wisdom of the future.” Who is this guy and can I marry his brain?

Gideon, why are you being so harsh on Prentiss? And Prentiss, he’s right, this isn’t a treat to go with them to Guantanamo. You have to prove your worth, and you have to not interrupt[t Gideon while he’s playing chess with Reid, and you need to tone down your sassiness. Capiche?

Oh Reid’s ‘oooh snap’ face is everything to me.

So Gideon is a genius.

Haha the whole chess board just went kersplat. I love it.

There’s a mandatory 90-degree turn when you approach Gitmo? Damn.

And Reid was winning! Wait what, Gideon would have had him in three moves? Damn. Prentiss is good.

Wait, it’s a bio-chemical bomb? Damn.

Hey! Hey! Why torture the guy? You want answers, that’s not how you get them.

So Gideon’s going to swoop in as the hero who is juxtaposed to his usual tormentors? That’s awesome.

Crap. A list of chemicals. Damn.

So Jin d’Allah is so convinced he is going to suffer, he won’t even cooperate? Youch.

A list of chemicals needed to weaponized Anthrax. What’s that? Some kind of explosive that’s deadly? From your tone, Derek, it sure seems that way.

So even the smallest amount of this Anthrax is deadly to many people? Yikes.

God, I already love Prentiss. She’s like – he’s Egyptian, from Cairo, wait, no, he might be from Yemen, but most like Egypt. You do you, Emily.

So he’s slightly impressed by how much Gideon finds out about him through conversation rather than violence.

Gideon’s worst enemy is ignorance. Welcome to the club, buddy.

Aww, he’s letting him pray! That’s so amazing!

Yikes! Those details are driving me nuts! So turns out that the NSA is routing its satellites to the USA during emergencies of electronic traffic. Meaning, they can basically monitor whoever they want at any given time and just not tell anybody. Well, that’s an unsettling thought there, guys. My condolences. Of course, I don’t know how it works here in Israel, either, so it might very well be happening here, too. In which case – NO ONE IS SAFE! WE NEED AN ESCAPE PLAN TO MARS!

Wait, those CIA assholes kept those water bottles there to remind him that he couldn’t have any? Wow, talk about extreme measures to get him to crack. Yet, they were unsuccessful, so what’s the point? I’m learning a whole new mass of information about the American law enforcement system, and some of it isn’t to my liking at all.

“How can you ignore the fact that Muhammad preached passivity while he was in Mecca? ‘Do no violence.’” Wow. That is true.

“His later message from Medina was perfectly clear. ‘When violence comes upon you, you must fight back with violence.’” Seriously? Turns out he’s not even quoting the Koran, but the Hadith. “The Verse of the Sword”. Which the Muslims argue cancels out earlier teachings. Someone’s spin on the words of the prophet. Oh dear lord.

Fight and slay infidels wherever you find them and seize them in every stratagem of war. – that’s in the Koran?

Ah! Unless they repent. Establish regular prayers and practice regular charity.

So those who embrace the Jihad basically spin everything that Muhammad said and the Koran to support their violent ways to justify their killings as the will of Allah? Oh god, that is seriously messed up, brother.

“How is it that my faith would allow you to live and worship as you please, and yours would take my life and snuff it out?” Amazing. Simply amazing.

“You are simply misguided people of the book.” PAH! “But if you revert to Islam …” seriously? That’s the only way to repent for their ‘sinful ways’?

So he survived a bombing on a bazaar in Cairo? Damn. And he was only eight? Yikes.

Let’s verify it with Oracle of All Knowledge.

Half his family died in the bombing? Damn. Poor thing. But that is not the reason to go on a killing spree in the name of a god, and call it holy revenge. It isn’t.

Wait. They’re going into a site, where there might be an active bomb, an active chemical bomb no less, with no coms? Oh god. Please let my baby boy survive this. I won’t be able to cope with it at work today.

So he’s relieved by telling him that they found the sites? What’s wrong with this guy? Oh my god, he’s the one calling the shots on the bombings. Fuck. Get out of there! The bomb is there and is about to blow!!!! I know it! Morgan, get out of there, leave Professor Short-Skirt, take Hotch with you, and scram!

Oh snap. So they may have gotten the Anthrax from a foreign lab? Damn.

Oh crap, the girls can see the bombing in Annandale, oh god.

Please pick up!

Oh thank god.

“Don’t worry. Don’t think you’re gonna get rid of me that easy.” Thank the almighty lord of chocolate Adonises and chiseled abs. I wouldn’t live without Shemar XD

“Do you need anything?” “I know who to call if I do. Thanks, baby doll.” Aww, just kiss already.

So they didn’t use Anthrax in the two first bombs. But the third one will involve it.

Jind, don’t fuck with Gideon, and don’t fuck with me. You suck, you are evil, and you need to stop.

Wait. He’s changing his story now? His son is the kid who got blown up in the bazaar bombing, and he was the one who survived? Fuck you, asshole!

His real name is Jamal Abaza. Go to hell.

Hey, CIA assholes, why you so rude to my Gideon? Not nice. He’s trying to school you.

Fuck protocols. Assholes.

“How goes with the CIA?” “I don’t know what Gideon said to them, but they are feeding me information like crazy.” Ha, I love Gideon and I love his power of persuasion. I would believe anything that came out of that pretty mouth of his.

Seriously? Jamal, seriously? You and Gideon breath the same air, you are comprised of the same biological components that make you a male human being. Just because you believe in different faiths does not make you all that different. Just means you believe different things. And the fact that you believe your god would like you to eliminate anyone who doesn’t believe in him, but that’s beside the point, am I right? I’m not? Well, fuck you asshole.

Oh. So he’s less than human? You try to kill other humans. Come on.

And yet Gideon is still gracious to him.

That should count for something.

20 grams of Anthrax missing. Ruh-roh.

“No one wants the other kids peeing in their sand box.” Ew, Garcia, simply ew. I mean, true, but ew.

Soft entry. As opposed to what? Cuz you just banged open a door. That’s hard for me.

Whoa. That’s a lot of dead bodies, dude. Fuck.

So he’s bringing in Reid to talk to him? What the hell are you doing?

He’s making jokes? Seriously?

Oh god. Mandy’s horrified expression is just amazing. So touching.

Oh crap. He’s going to blow up a mall. Fuck.

Ha! They manipulated him to think it’s a different time, and they just let him show his final hand. I love you Gideon, and I am so sorry for those people. I hope they get there in time. Shit.

Please, Hayley, postpone the pictures, you need to not go to the mall.

Shit. They’re going through the air vents. Damn.

Yes! My baby boy got him. And now they’re saying it was a robbery? Come on. Let’s not pretend it was anything other than a terror attack.

Oh thank god, Hotchner’s family are okay. Thank god.

Hahahahhaa Jack is so cute!

Ralph Waldo Emerson: “In order to learn the most important lessons of life, one must each day surmount a fear.” Meh, somewhat true.

Boom. Gideon schooled Reid again.

Aww! He’s letting Prentiss play him? That’s nice. So they’re finally trusting her. Good.

 Okay, so this episode hit close to home. Not because I was raised in a Jewish household, but because I was raised in Israel, and Muslim extremists and the Jihad were always a threat hovering over our heads. I really hate terrorism. Because it’s a group of sad, pathetic people brainwashing an entire group who believe in a certain faith that in order to prove their faithfulness they have to kill others and maybe die themselves. This episode was extremely powerful. It made me appreciate Prentiss, and make me like her. It had me anxious over my baby boy, Derek, on whether or not he was going to live, and thank goodness he did, and it had a bit of Penelope going nuts over him as well, which was awesome.

Amazing episode, amazing writing, and I hope this season continues to amaze me.

[thereins]

Hope in God

Now, ere this feeble heart beneath youth’s spell, To its illusions bids a last farewell, I fain would keep the old philosophy Which makes Epicurus divinity. I fain would live and love, and learn mankind, In quest of joy, small profit hope to find, And do what men can do, be what they are, Gaze upward to the sky nor feel one care.

I cannot; me the infinite torments, Fearless to dwell thereon hope consents; Heedless of men’s words, reason is dismayed To comprehend it not, though clear displayed. What is the world, what are we doing here, If we, in peace, must veil the skies in fear, To move like sheep, eyes fixed upon the ground, Deny the rest, can that be pleasure found? It is no man to be, degrade the soul. Chance made no part in the created whole; Or happy, or unhappy, woman born, I cannot flee away from men in scorn.

What shall we do? Seek joy, command the wise, Rejoice and die; the gods to sleep advise.

Hope only, answers our firm Christian faith, Heaven watches thee. Thou canst not die, it saith. Between two roads I, wavering, stop and stay, Aloof, would follow easier, gentler way. Not one exists, so speaks a secret voice, Believe, deny, there is the heaven-given choice. And such my thought; for souls with torture burn; Make mere excuses, this, or that, in turn. But the indifferents are an atheist's rout. They could not sleep had they one day of doubt. I yield me then and since the thought has bred, Deep in my heart desire and anxious dread, My knees shall bend, with hope I will believe. What fate is mine, what would high heaven receive?

Held in the hand of God, more dread, I go, Than all the ills combined here below. Alone, a wanderer, frail, wretched man, My deeds that witness eye must ever scan. He watches, follows. Let heart beat too high It might His great divinity defy. A gulf is 'neath my feet. If I fall in, Eternity will expiate my sin. My hangman, judge, with victim plays his game, For me is all a snare, all changing name; Love is a sin, and happiness a crime, Temptation all that work of seven days' time. Of human nature naught can I retain, Virtue for me is dead, remorse they feign. The recompense I wait, the pain I shun, My guide is fear, toward death, my mask, I run.

And still, they tell me, waits unbounded joy The elect. And when those blest without alloy, If you deceive me, will you life deny? If you speak to me, so can you ope the sky? That land of beauty of the prophet’s cry, If it exists above, must be a desert dry. The blest you make you wish them all too pure,

Though joy may come, the suffering more sure. I am a man no more, would not be less, Nor try for more. What shall I then confess? Since I believe no promises of priest, Shall I then go consult the indifferent beast?

And if by haunting visions thus bent, My heart the real seeks some joy to get, With each vain pleasure summoned to my aid, Disgust and gloomy death my sense invade. The very days when impious is my thought, When ending doubt denial full has brought, Should I attain whatever in this life Each man can seek with vast desire and strife, Both power, and health and riches freely give, And love itself, the good for which we live, Let fair Astarte, idol of ancient Greece, Outspread her arms from azure lands of peace, Could I explore the bosom of the earth, To win the secret elemental birth, Transform enlivening matter to my will, Make matchless beauty my desire to still; Should Horace, Epicurus old, Me at their side a happy mortal hold, Should they, in love with nature’s ancient code, Loud sing of joy and contempt of God, My words would come "Whatever we may be done, I suffer on, the world is older grown. Hope fills the earth with infinite surmise, In our despite toward heaven we lift our eyes!"

What then remains? Reason revolts, breaks out, Tries to believe, in vain, the heart to doubt. The Christian frightens, but the atheist creed Despite the senses, shall not hear nor heed. To truly pious men impious seem, Me, the indifferent, merely crazy deem. To whom shall I resort, what voice’s sound Shall soothe this heart when doubt inflicts its wound?

There is, they say, one philosophic creed Which can without a revelation read, Can guide us safely through our existence, Betwixt religion and indifference. I acquiesce. But where are they who frame Systems of truth nor wish the faith to name, Sophistic impotents, believing but themselves, What are the arguments, their reason delves? One shows me here two principles at war, Which, both defeated, both immortal are; Another finds far off within some heaven lone, A useless god who asks no altar stone. I see the dreams of Plato, Aristotle see; I listen, praise and walk my pathway free. Under the monarch find a despot God. To-day he gives a democratic nod. Pythagoras, Leibnitz both me transform. Descartes abandons me in vortex storm. Montaigne, self-student, nothing learns and sees. Pascal, a-tremble, his own vision flees. Pyrrho my sight, and Zeno senses, takes, Whatever stands, Voltaire casts down and breaks. Trying th’ impossible with wearied air, Spinosa finds his God is everywhere. The English sophist cries, Man's a machine, And in the fog a German rhetor's seen, Who of philosophism, ruin wrought, Declares our heaven void, concludes with naught.

So human science then becomes a wreck! Five thousand years of doubt are at our beck, Five thousand years of persevering fag With doubt, as final word, perplexed we lag. Ah! poor distracted, paltry human brains, How intricate your key that all explains; To mount above, no wings upon your back,

Desire you have, but faith alone you lack. I pity pride, that racks your wounded soul. You feel the torments round my heart that roll. You understand it, all that bitter sight Which makes man shudder at the Infinite. Pray we! Forswear the miserable toil Of childish reckonings, petty futile moil. Now that your bodies have returned to dust, Fall on my knees beside your tombs, I must. Ye pagan rhetors, first in knowledge, come, Departed Christians, dreamers here at home: Believe me, prayer is hope’s expectant voice! That God, man answer; speak to Him, rejoice, For God is just and good to pardon send. Your sufferings great, the rest to Him commend. If bare is heaven, to none offense we make; One, if he hears, shall on us pity take.

Oh! Thou whom none has ever known, Nor being false, can e'er deny Who gave me life, 'twas Thou alone, And who, to-morrow makes me die!

By faith alone, art understood. If faith be ours, why doubts of Thee? Why give not faith in measure good, That none may say Thou canst not be?

As soon as man lifts up his head, To that great temple in the skies, He sees a vast creation spread, A glorious temple in his eyes.

When now descends into his heart, He finds Thee there; thou livest in him. He can not weep or love apart, 'Tis God alone, wills every whim.

The highest aim of human thought, The grandest rôle as played by man, To prove Thou dost exist, be taught Thy name, O everlasting One.

Whatever name Thou mayest be called, Jesus, or Jupiter, Brahma, Or Truth Eternal, thus extolled, Toward Thee all arms are stretched, Allah!

The latest of the sons of earth Will give thee thanks, from grateful heart, When misery is turned to mirth, And happiness appears in part.

The whole world gives Thee glory, praise. The bird sings sweetly on its nest; To Thee, for rain of rainy days, A thousand anthems are addressed.

Thy every act astounds our gaze, Nor ray of love divine is lost, No soul so vile, Thou canst not raise, For this we kneel upon the dust.

Why, then, O Master, so supreme, Hast Thou created evil great? That reason, virtue, in its gleam, On seeing it, affrighted wait!

When all the splendid things of earth Proclaim Thy attributes divine, Bear witness to a father’s worth, Love, strength and goodness will combine.

Then how in view of heaven’s sight, Are acts so full of hideous hate, That prayer will die, unhappy plight! On lips of the unfortunate?

Why, in Thy heavenly work of love, Should discord draw unhappy breath? What is it crime and pest may prove? Just God! Why should we suffer death?

Thy pity must have been profound When, with its blessings and its ills, This world with love and horror crowned, Came forth from chaos! Sadness fills

My heart, to think Thou didst submit Thy sons to torture! Can Thy sight Find pleasure in the burning pit? Thy power for good is infinite.

Why shall the misery of earth Conceive of, and divine, a God? Doubt has despoiled our heavenly birth. In place of Thee, we feel the rod.

If these, Thy creatures, are so base, Unworthy of approaching Thee, In nature Thou shouldst leave no trace By which Thou might discovered be.

Thy power would remain no less, And we still feel its heavy blow; But rest and ignorance, we confess, Would make our ills more mild, we,know.

If suffering, and prayer, and praise, Move not thy glorious majesty, Preserve Thy grandeur from our gaze; In Space’s dread immensity.

But if our mortal anguish touch Thy heart with pity, if Thine ear Amid the heavenly songs, be such As can our direst moaning hear,

Shatter that canopy of space That hides our eager quest of Theee. Tear down the veil that mars thy grace, And show thyself, most amiably.

Then wilt Thou see on earth a flame Of firmest faith and burning love. All earth will then adore Thy name, As do the heavenly hosts above.

The years which have exhausted it, The burning tears that dimmed its eyes, Like dew beneath the sun shall flit, And earth will be one paradise.

Then Thou will hear hosannas sung In concerts of celestial joy, Like heavenly music heard among The courts of heaven, which saints enjoy.

Our chants would sound o'er land and sea, And Pain and Hate would howling fly, And Doubt and Blasphemy would flee, And Death itself, at last, would die.