#aa a literally just so perfect simple and too good to be true i think i'm dreaming please help i'm dying

[no-place-to-be-happy]

[dukeofonions]

Thoughts on the new Asides

Alright, I’ve watched the new video three times at this point and finally have my thoughts together. Also just in case anyone was wondering no. 

No I did not get breakfast magically delivered to me and had to eat a bowl of cereal. 

Oh well, there’s always next time. 

Anywho, spoilers below if you haven’t seen the episode yet I would not recommend reading this. 

Ready? Let’s go.

So what are my general thoughts here, I loved it. Sure there were some things that didn’t make sense to me writing wise but overall this was an adorable, funny episode that provided us with a nice break from all the angst of the main series. 

Now to get into the nitty gritty. 

Right off the bat the art for this was just amazing. Honestly the idea to make this episode as an animatic was a brilliant move. Not just because of how things are right now in the world (but we don’t wanna think about that) but using this form allows the characters to interact in ways that they can’t when filming live. We got to see Roman and Virgil engaging with the world around them and how they interacting with Thomas when he’s not at home. It also gives us an idea of what the world of Sanders Sides is like. Everyone acts a little more cartoony, but it still feels like the real world as well. 

Also the expressions on the characters, even the background ones, were perfect. You could tell so much from a quick expression or body language and as an animation nerd, I was in love from the get go. Honestly the team should think about utilizing this format more with these Asides as it allows more freedom for the characters which can help aid the story and can be used for comedy. Not saying every episode should be animated, but if they have an idea that they simply can’t achieve in live action, they now know that this format works. 

And now, on to the characters. 

So this is a Roman and Virgil episode, none of the other Sides make an appearance or are even mentioned. (Well I guess Janus is vaguely referenced with all the talk of lies going around) But I can understand their absence even though I would have loved to see them even briefly like how Remus and Janus were in Are There Healthy Distractions but besides one character (which I will get too later) I didn’t really mind and it didn’t take away my enjoyment of the episode. 

As usual, Virgil and Roman have a great dynamic and are hilarious with how they bounce off one another. I do question the timeline of this episode given how relaxed Virgil is around Thomas, considering the last time they were together they weren’t on the best footing and he wasn’t present at all during Putting Others First. But I’ll probably make another post about that. 

Starting with Virgil, it was fun seeing him act more like his pre-AA self. Getting onto Thomas’ case about every little thing was both hilarious and way too relatable (like way to call a dude out) and him explaining introvert culture was just *cheff’s kiss* It was nice to him slightly more laid back and worrying about something else other than whether or not Thomas is a good person and keeping a dark secret about his past hidden. Also the ending with him openly celebrating with Thomas and Roman was adorable. We’ve never seen Virgil with his guard down like this, letting himself be genuinely happy in front of the others. He always hides that part of him and seeing him like this just warmed my heart because that means Thomas himself isn’t feeling anxious and is allowing himself to enjoy the moment. Sure there are some moments of doubt here and there, but it was overall a great scene and I was glad they gave us a scene with them in the apartment. 

Now Roman? Oh my gosh I needed an episode where he got his happy ending and it has arrived! Considering the punch to the gut that was POF’s ending I was ecstatic to see Roman finally, finally getting something he wanted. Think about it. Roman recently gave up the callback, which he wanted more than anything, only to have it all blow up in his face and be told that his sacrifice was all for nothing. Like, ouch. But here we see him once again pursuing something he wants, and he actually gets it! He probably thought it was going to be yet another loss for him, all their efforts were for nothing, but it wasn’t! That’s one thing I love about Roman, no matter how many times he loses he never stops trying. Even when he gets knocked down to his lowest he won’t hesitate to grab the next opportunity that comes his way. And as we can see, that will and determination has paid off. 

Of course we can’t forget about Thomas himself. He’s so lovable in this, trying to just get through what should be a simple shopping trip at the mall only to have the most minor things continue to interfere with that. We don’t ever really see Thomas outside of his apartment so it’s nice to finally have an explanation for that. The focus of this episode though is his attempts to find out more about the handsome stranger across the food court and work up the nerve to talk to him. One of the funniest parts of this episode (in my opinion) is when Thomas comes up with the brilliant idea to use the stickers and pins as a way to start a conversation (which honestly could have been sparked by Logan who’s had enough of this) only for it to be shot down as a horrible idea because, what else would anxiety tell you? The monologue in the bathroom was another highlight of this episode and just, gosh Thomas’ acting here is just great. Even though we can only hear his voice there’s just so much emotion put into it. It honestly sounds like he’s crying in some parts and I loved it just as much as the bathroom guy did. 

And finally, last but certainly not least, we have the wonderful Nico Flores. I did not expect to love him as much as I did but like, my gosh how can you not? He’s that perfect mix of cool while still being a bit of a dork. Like did he just grab a stranger’s food and wander around looking for them to return it? Had he noticed Thomas go in the bathroom and was just awkwardly standing around waiting for him to come out? His relationship with Thomas is already super cute and I hope that he becomes a recurring character and love interest for Thomas.  (Note when I say Thomas I am referring to character!Thomas and not the real Thomas) Seeing as Thomas (now referring to the real one) said this episode would be important to the plot of Sanders Sides, I think it’s safe to assume Nico will be making a return and I for one can’t wait to see more of him, along with seeing how his relationship with Thomas develops. 

If I had anything negative to say about this episode, I’d have three negative things to say. 

I’ll start with one that I sorta brought up earlier which regarded the absence of a certain character that just didn’t really make sense to me, and that character is Patton. Now for Logan, Janus, and Remus, I can see why they wouldn’t be there. Logan doesn’t do feelings. Janus and Virgil would be having a hissy fit the entire time. And we all know what Remus would be doing. Not saying none of them could have shown up briefly, but their absence doesn’t bother me as much as Patton’s does. 

Patton is Thomas’ heart, the core of all his feelings, why wouldn’t the heart be present during a time where Thomas is starting to fall in love? He wasn’t mentioned or anything! Not even when Roman was literally telling Thomas to speak from the heart. It just rubbed me the wrong way that he wasn’t brought up at all and the reason for that has to do with another problem I had with this episode, and that was the choice to have the main thing keeping Thomas from talking to Nico was him being a liar. 

The episode starts with hitting the audience on the head with this idea that Thomas is struggling with lying. Despite the fact that nothing that happens is really his fault and everything else isn’t really a big deal. I just found it odd that this was the thing they were having Virgil and Roman get onto Thomas’ case for considering, well, we already had an episode (multiple really) that have already addressed this. One could say this was a result of Roman and Virgil teaming up and being upset over Janus’ partial acceptance. The reason I don’t think this is likely is because Thomas said Virgil finding out about Janus would be a major plot point and I doubt something like that would have happened off screen (honestly the timeline for this video is so confusing) 

Another reason this bothered me is because Virgil comes to the conclusion that everything that has gone wrong (the rehearsing in the bathroom, the old friend in the food court, the plant, the pretending, the hiding, the god forsaken boiled carrots) are all lies and Thomas can’t build a relationship off of lies. 

But... He literally wasn’t doing that? 

At this point Thomas hasn’t even talked to Nico yet. He lied to the guy in the bathroom regarding the monologue (who wouldn’t) and he tried to pretend to be a stranger’s friend (which backfired horribly so lesson learned) I don’t even know how the plant would be considered a lie (and Virgil was the one who pushed him over there anyway) I’m not sure what Virgil’s referring to with the pretending and the hiding I can only assume is when they hid in a trashcan (unless I’m not meant to take that literally) and with the carrots Thomas should have just walked away the moment he saw the rainbow pin on the backpack. That was his fault.

But not once did Thomas lie about anything to Nico. In fact when they finally started talking Thomas was nothing but honest with him, embarrassingly so. The thing Virgil was claiming to be the source of the problem just, wasn’t true. It didn’t make sense to me and still doesn’t even after my third viewing. What I had originally thought was going to happen was that they’d come to a conclusion that tied into Moving On, the episode where Thomas dealt with the aftermath of a break up with Roman, Virgil, and Patton. 

Wouldn’t that be something they’d be afraid of? Say Thomas managed to hit it off with this guy. They start dating, everything is going well, only for it to end the same way his last relationship did. Wouldn’t it make a little more since for the main thing to be holding Thomas back is the fear of getting his heart broken again? Of losing yet another person he loved? 

Which brings me back to previous point of Patton not being there. Considering these three were the ones to help Thomas resolve things in Moving On, why shouldn’t these three be the ones to be by him when beginning a new relationship? 

Unless Patton’s been avoiding these two since currently Virgil is still on rocky ground with Patton and after what happened in POF. But again we have no idea since we don’t know when this episode takes place (well as of writing this I have no idea considering how long it’s taken me to write this Thomas may have tweeted about it or something) 

Another potential reason for Patton not being there is basically what I said earlier. In Moving On he was the one struggling the most since he’s Thomas’ feelings. He could have been overwhelmed by all the emotions Thomas was dealing with and simply couldn’t bring himself to show up. This has me hoping that we’ll get a follow up Asides episode where we get to see the other side’s reactions to Nico. If not all of them at least Logan and Patton since it’s been awhile since those two had an episode together. 

If that’s the case then I can understand keeping Patton out of this one. But that doesn’t change the fact that I find the whole “lies” thing to be a bit ridiculous. 

The final thing I have some of an issue with is how Virgil was the one to “save the day” in this. Throughout this episode Virgil was the one causing the problems (which isn’t to say anything bad about Virgil it’s literally his job to protect Thomas and that includes protecting him from rejection and heartbreak) while Roman was pushing Thomas to go take a chance. I dunno, this one isn’t as big of an issue since I still like the conclusion and Roman calling Virgil brave. It just would have been nice to see Roman going for something and getting it himself. Or at least him and Virgil deciding together that they weren’t going to let this opportunity go. 

I dunno, I’m kinda impartial on that one. I just want to see Roman succeed. 

And there you have it. Those are my thoughts. As usual, you may take them with a grain of salt. But also feel free to share your own opinions on this episode. It’s definitely become a favorite of mine and is up there with my other favorites. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go be sad because bathroom guy had his hopes and dreams crushed and he deserves justice. 

[way-too-obsessed-gamer]

This is gonna be a long post, and since tumblr sucks and won't let me put a read more, you have my condolences

Ah yes, this is a long time coming. Not a long time coming in the sense that I will murder the person who murdered my past life's fiancee, no, we're not talking about Fallout today. Today, friends, family, and assorted acquaintances, we're talking about the Random Encounters Phoenix Wright the Musical... musical.

Now why, you may be asking, am I doing this? Why in the world am I writing such a long, unneeded essay on a musical that's like, 5 years old? Well, dear reader, that's a simple question, with a simple answer. And that is that I really just want the person who played Edgeworth to be recognized. What a sweetheart. Superb singing, and the bloopers are great. That's it. That's why. I really want people to watch it after they read this, with flaws in mind, and just enjoy the talents that went into it. So, let us begin.

So if you aren't super fans of Random Encounters (RE for short), they make musicals for games. Very good ones in fact. I really enjoyed "Finding Mister Midnight" And all of the undertale ones. And Phoenix Wright, obviously. I haven't watched their recent stuff (I don't really watch the musicals of games I don't already know or like, aside from Phoenix Wright (yes the musical got me into Phoenix Wright)) but I just might see what they've done because I always enjoy the bloopers and such.

Now

Phoenix Wright the Musical (no relation to Turnabout Musical)

What a superb, fantastic, blessing that is absolute garbage (in the nicest way possible). Like literally, let's dive into this

Flaws

Larry is the victim. God I wish he would die, but he won't. Cry about spoilers all you want, this musical is 30 mins, Larry isn't actually dead.

"My Best friend of several years is dead? Welp... That sucks"

Edgeworth openly admits he's "an amenable prosecutor", which he would never give Phoenix the satisfaction of knowing if it were true. I get that that's KiNdA how miles is, but he's still a stubborn bastard at the bench

Maya in the games does have quips and jokes, but honestly the judge would have threatened contempt of court if she kept talking like she did in the musical

Gumshoe isn't a very aggressively nice and loud person in the musical, it's more like a younger version of him I suppose

I can't tell what ages they are supposed to be. Say it's after Dual Destinies, the last game that came out before this musical, Phoenix just got his badge back and has a daughter... Except no because his suit is more the one before Apollo Justice and they never mention trucy. Aight, Trials and Tribulations era. But wait, didn't Edgeworth already say in that game "this is my first and last trial as a defense attorney "? No way he'd do it again so close. Plus, you know, other things (such as time and place) that will make this point too long.

Speaking of Defense attorney Edgeworth, they really just... Let that slide didn't they... Game Miles did all that work just for it to turn out that he didn't even need to.

Larry is alive

"When the night guards found the body," They apparently didn't bother to check if it was a real person oh, I dunno a blue freaking badger-

Who... Let "Doctor Hotti" Look at the body for the autopsy. It's funny but... How did this happen. Franziska shoulda whipped him

I understand that this musical is suppose to be welcoming to newcomers. But... "Everybody got trauma" Is something people should know! Don't mention DL-6, or Gant, Manfred, Morgan, Kristoph, Yanni Yogi. That's not what I mean... Just... Man, Edgeworth is a mess! Phoenix is a mess! Let them be a mess!

Maya was allowed to assist in the investigation, when she's the suspect... Ok?

And many more...

Now you're waiting for me to defend it and tell you it's strengths. But unfortunately... That is exactly what I'm gonna do!

Strengths

Every actor is a great singer. A special shoutout to Edgeworth and Franziska's actors 👏🏻👏🏻

The story was easy to follow and engaging enough to make me watch an entire play through of all the games (specifically I watched Nicob)

Almost every actor was perfect for their role and really sold it, may I once again point out miles and franziska, as well as Payne this time? Everyone did a lovely job

The twist was something that had never been done in aa to my knowledge. Though it might have been funny if Rise from the Ashes ended like that instead.

I criticized Miles being a defense attorney for an hour but I enjoyed miles and Maya interacting. Like yes miles, protect your basically daughter.

I can pinpoint the exact moment I became a narumistu shipper to the end of the musical, where Edgeworth and Phoenix were discussing the case, and Edgeworth said "Wright, a defense attorney does not sleep in his office". This line isn't romantic, but I remember 13 year old me whispering "what a good boyfriend"

Larry is likeable. You think I'm joking? I had high Expectations for Larry after watching this musical. Game 1 delivered, the rest did not. He is actually a good character in this musical.

I rewatched this musical for this post, but I didn't even need to, I could quote this musical like the back of my hand. It doesn't help that the lines are so quotable. "better the devil you know, Wright" And "it's half past shut your face and leave me alone! ...Pacific daylight time" Are personal favourites.

Grape juice

They had gumshoe. I miss you gumshoe. Come back to the newer games

The music is a blessing. "Wright is Wrong" And "The Loser Song" Are personal favourites, but I could jam to any of them (even oldbags sleazy jazz number)

And many more!

Look, it's not perfect. It's not anywhere close, especially if you are a fan of ace attorney. But it's a darn good watch if you have half an hour to kill, or just wanna hear some damn good singing.

Also, listen, John I think your name is? Person who played Edgeworth. Honestly pls sing more man, or audition for an Edgeworth part of a dub, pls man I'm begging you you're amazing.

[altonadventures]

ALTON ADVENTURES BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

So...because its Friday and I usually update AA on Fridays, I figured it was time to make my big announcement! 

And that is...that Alton Adventures is changing. A little bit. 

Am I rebooted the comic again? No haha! Once I get back to it it shall continue as normal but some characters may look a bit different going forward. 

Who may those characters be?

Sir Gareth Nemesis 

Why is he changing? 

Sir Nemesis’ change is actually less drastic than one may think. For starters, he needed a design rehaul. I wanted his armor to be more simple, easier to draw but with still details that could tie him to Nemesis (the green eye, the arms, the light pink details instead of inconsistent tentacles). I also had an issue where his hair was too close to his skin color, so to combat this I turned him into a ginger! His eye color also changed from gold to green, another thing to visually tie him more to Nemesis. 

So yes, I changed Sir Nem’s design because I was unhappy with it. His armor was never drawn consistently ever, I was constantly changing the tone of his hair and his skin so that was inconsistent. I want my designs to be more consistent and polished going forward.

What else is different? Well, you can probably tell he looks much more serious, like in older pictures I drew of him. Why is that? Well, I was kind of..honestly tired of his role as the “dad character tm” that he kind of turned out to be. It almost undermined his true characterization and turned him into a typical over the top exaggerated hero character. And I started to realize how much I missed his original concept. A battle hardened solider that was filled with regret and remorse, who heavily sympathizes with the plight of the alien he’s locked in combat with. He’s still much a father however, as he has a biological son and adopts an alien who mimics his likeness (hence another reason he’s a ginger now as his Nemesis daughter always was one). He’s just returned to his roots as a character. Because I felt that characterization was a unique one for the Nemesis ride. And it was an idea I really loved. Sir Nemesis actually WAS one of my favorite characters...I wanted his role to be much larger than it is in the comics. I don’t blame anyone for him becoming a joke, I did initially kind of fuel the fire for it, I’m just hoping that its not to late to get back to the Sir Nemesis I originally wanted to write. And of course, all my characters are still meme and joke worthy. I just want to tackle much more serious issues with my comic and show the more serious side of some of my characters and don’t want there entire existence to be a joke Mr.S can’t have too many folks 1 uping him in the laughs department!  I guess to note with this change that his original voice claim has also been solidified as well. It’s a more somber and serious tone that I feel fits him as a character. 

Final Notes 

Sir Nemesis is a character that I have a lot of thought put into. His backstory is tragic, emotional, and his character is complex and he’s not the perfect hero people might image him as. I plan for his Arc to follow the Fireworks arc in the comic, as well as I am planning to start some more text heavy short stories about how the Secret Weapons became Secret Weapons (which I will likely call Secret Weapon Short Stories hehe) and will be writing his first. Also a very important thing i must address. Yes, the eye on his chest moves. (I have a gif but it doesn’t want to work on this post Ill have it up later ><)

Erica Annabelle Cloud 

ooof okay this is a huge one. Confession time. Erica was always my least favorite character. Why? She just had...no character. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with her, her design felt phoned in and there because I needed an Air/Galatica character, (yes, she is changing as her Galatica stage too). She was just. not well thought out. She had a dual identity but I think a lot of people didn’t pick up on that? She felt like a Rita 2.0 as just a nice and friendly optimistic person and literally had 0 backstory. Originally she was supposed to have had some sort of accident that turned her into Galatica and she had memory loss and forgotten about when she was Air, yeah it was a mess. That eventually just turned into Nebula Corona being a character she made up (bc her one trait was that she was into space and wrote a lot) that she played as when her rides themeing changed. 

She was just..barely a character and her design was abysmal (Her Galatica suit was okay but her Air outfit was an afterthought) She needed a massive visual upgrade. A sleeker flight suit that makes more sense (I used a ref or two for this design!) A different face shape to help her stand out more, my signature they wear glasses they have dot eyes look. Long, wispy, flowing hair to resemble those trails planes make. A bit more lanky and tall. And let me tell you I LOVE her design now. It looks so much more unique and you can just SEE she has so much more character now!  As for her characterization im going full into her being a nerd. A very tech nerd at that! She designed her suit to help her fly at her best, and eventually will be the one that designs and builds all her Galatica tech! Her Galatica design hasn’t been done yet, mostly bc I wanted to focus on her current comic canon design, but not much would change I feel with her upgrade anyways! She is effectively the brains of the group, and the others often turn to her for plans of attack when dealing with a situation, or innovative solutions to problems! I have yet to get a voice claim for her, but im sure one will come to me soon enough! 

Final Notes

Erica/Nebula was a character I struggled to connect with. Everyone else had Airs that were either super plot important, or just much more cool and creative in general. I felt, that with my Air/Galatica she was just there, and I wanted her to be more. So a full character rehaul was done with her and it makes me so happy. She feels much more fleshed out, better designed, and I’m super excited to do more stuff with her, and hopefully you will all see her much more now that I’m a lot happier with her as a character! <3 

Welp that's the end of the updates....wait. Hold on. I have something written here. What could this be? Oh! I remember now! 

Black Hole, AkA Beatrix, will be joining the MAIN CAST of Alton Adventures! 

When I drew my Black Hole design, I knew she was something special. She stands out compared to a lot of my characters, and her design SCREAMS main character. While the biggest main roles will still be held by Mr. S and Rita, I wanted to add another non SW coaster to the main crew, and because Canonically Corkscrew is MIA, Black Hole seemed like a fitting addition to the main crew! As she isn’t human, a species literally only referred to as Black Holes, I thought making her a main character and giving her a big arc would help flesh out the reality of non humans in Alton Adventures! Her powers and design and character and personality are just too fun to shove her into the background. I feel that adding her to the main cast gives them not only another character to support them, but a closer friend! You will all see her much more in the future for certain! 

Well that's about it! In terms of comic updates themselves...its still going to be hiatus as long as I’m being swamped with school work. I hope you all understand. I’ll try to squeeze in updates over the breaks I have IF im not working on assignments for class. As I also said, I wanna do short stories as well, to expand the world and explain it better, as a comic will only develop the world so quickly and lots of you have tons of questions! I also wanna do something animated at some point, that’s my dream. I’ve ALSO mentioned to some people about merch, likely going for making stickers first since that's simple. I got an excited reaction for that so I’ll come up with designs for them soon! I just wanna do a lot with Alton Adventures, because I know how much it means to people, and of course it means so much. Goodness I really need to actually get to this park, I look quiet silly constantly gushing over a themepark I’ve never been to all the time XP  That all aside I thank you all for sticking by me. I promise that even if I don’t do comic updates as frequently during the school year, I’ll still work to push out as much AA content I can outside of that! I’m always open to suggestions to what you guys want to see! ALSO, working on a big google doc spreadsheet with info on all the characters I’ll be posting when its more completed! So be on the lookout for that! 

Again thank you to everyone who’s stuck with me through this, Your support makes me feel nothing but proud of what I’ve created. These characters may have been created out of something some may consider silly or odd, but the only thing that matters to me if that I can make at least someone happy with what I create. 

Patreon (note that patrons got to see all of this content as it was being worked on!) l Ko-fi

[alia15]

I Love Me.

A Short Story:

Two bridesmaids in their late 20s gather around a mirror in a fancy bridal suite. They have just gotten their hair and makeup done by professionals.

Bridesmaid 1: “I need to just wear fake eyelashes all the time. I literally don’t have eyelashes. They are non-existent.”

Bridesmaid 2: “Tell me about it. Ugh, I hate this lip color on me; it’s drawing too much attention to my pencil-thin lips. I need lip injections. How much do those cost?”

A third bridesmaid enters the room and lets out a heavy sigh while looking in the mirror.

Bridesmaids 1 & 2, in unison: “OHMYGOD, you look gorgeous!”

Bridesmaid 3: *scoffs*  “Um, OK, I literally look 6 months pregnant. This dress is NOT flattering on me and is really highlighting my flabby stomach.”

Bridesmaid 2: “At least you have boobs to fill this thing out; I have the tits of a 9 year old girl.”

Everyone laughs. At that moment, Bridesmaid 4 walks in the room and catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and smiles.

Bridesmaid 3: “Aww, you look so good!”

Bridesmaid 4: “Thanks! I actually feel really pretty. I LOVE my hair like this!”

Bridesmaids 1, 2 and 3 are perplexed. Shook. Kind of even repulsed to be honest? Hearing a woman speak highly of herself just...does not compute.

Bridesmaid 1, under her breath: “Full of ourselves much...” 

This ain’t right. But sadly, it’s reality. As a society, seeing women being self-loathing and self-deprecating is acceptable; welcomed, even. Listening to a woman berate herself might bother us and we might not agree with what they’re saying, but we are OK with them saying it. Why? Because WE say it. We talk about our flaws -- in our appearance AND personality -- but wouldn't dream of doing the opposite. 

But I don’t think it’s a matter of women not loving things about themselves. Rather, it’s about the stigma attached to announcing it. We’re comfortable talking about our cellulite, our big foreheads and bad skin, but wouldn’t DARE say we think we have pretty amazing arms. 

YES GURL.

So, I got an idea. I reached out to a few of my favorite female bloggers and posed a challenge: tell me what you love about yourself. Don’t hold back, don’t use negative terminology, don’t downplay. Don’t think in order to say something nice, you need to also say something negative (no “My nose is crooked but I still like it!”).  THIS ISN’T AN EASY EXERCISE, but we doin’ the damn thing.

It’s important.

I now present you, 6 beautiful, intelligent & amazing women -- and what they love about themselves. 

Who: Stephanie, from the blog Life According to Steph

I am fierce with myself and allow myself to be who I am, warts and all. I know my strengths, I’m not afraid to acknowledge my weaknesses, and I’m not interested in perfection.

I encourage and empower others, especially women. There’s room for all of us to shine.

I do what makes me happy, not what society tells me I should do.

I am an excellent nail painter (my own, not yours).

I work hard at being a good and contributing member of my community.

Who: Emma, from the blog Emma’s Thing

I love that I have no filter. I think life is too short to not speak your truth, tell it like it is, ask awkward questions, or tell someone they have a booger in their nose. I love that I'm upfront and let almost whatever's in my head come out of my mouth. Sure, it's caused some heartache but it also makes life interesting IMO. 

I love my facial skin. I get compliments on it all the time and, even when I'm having a bad week with random acne or some weird, non-descript rash, I know I still have it very good. I thank my mom for the good genes.

I love my hair! It took me forever to love it, truly. My hair is very very curly naturally and, for years, I had no idea how TF to handle it. But once I figured it out, I finally learned to love it. At this point, IDK how I would fare if my hair suddenly changed on me. I wouldn't know WTF to do. I also love that its natural curl lends itself to not having to be washed very often, and I can wear it in crazy, messy ways without being questioned. 

I love that I'm good at so many things. I can get sheepish about the fact that I can write, act, dance, sing, do comedy, have a good photography eye, etc. I'm not sure why — probably because it feels like bragging and showing off. But the fact of the matter is, yah girl has talent! I'm a Jill of all trades, if you will. 

Who: Christine, from the blog Simply Stine

I am a giver and I always have been. Nothing makes me happier in life than doing random acts of kindness for others. I am in a position where I'm able to bring joy to other people and nothing makes me happier. It could be sending random packages in the mail to friends and family or sending flowers out of the blue. Doing things for other people is just something I've always done and loved doing.

I love my eyes. They're this beautiful blue and they just pop in the right lighting. I've always loved them.

I love that people come to me for all kinds of advice and support.  I love listening and helping people, no matter what the situation involves. I want my friends and family to know that I'm always there for them and I'm always willing to sit down and listen to them. I think we all need that person in our life that we can go to, right?!?

I love that I'm finally happy with myself as a person. It took me a long time to understand that being "different" isn't a bad thing and that it's so much more of a positive than I ever realized. I am ok with being me and everything that comes along with accepting myself. Why did it take me over 30 years to realize this?!?

I'm a full-time Blogger and I love it. People don't always understand what it is that I do, but it's the best job. It's hard as hell some days and it isn't always fair, but it's so rewarding being able to have something that I'm in charge of come together and be a source of positivity and inspiration for others!

Who: Lindsay, from the blog Bourbon & Lipstick

I love my desire help others - be it those less needy, or something as simple as helping another blogger or blog reader.

I love that I don't take bullshit.  

I love my big butt.

I love my work ethic and that I consistently strive to do/be better.

I love how I'm not afraid to speak up.

Who: Emelia, from the blog Dream Big & Buy the Shoes

I'm extremely goofy. I make up songs and rhymes and make a lot of weird noises. I enjoy it- my kids laugh and it keeps life interesting. One of my favorite things I say every day at some point...to my daughter is "Are you ready? Ready spaghetti? Is my little Betty spaghetti ready?" Not sure where I came up with it- but she smiles, and so do I.

I love my eyes. They're green- but sometimes look hazel, sometimes look grey. I get compliments on my eyes a lot, and it makes me happy because I feel that eyes are an interesting part of a person. Someone's eyes can tell a story- and maybe mine do that for people.

Determination- I have lots of it. I've been through some rough stuff in the past 34 years and I always come out the other side. I'm determined to make sure that my family is taken care of and that we are the happiest we can be so I persevere as much as I can in every situation.

I will do anything for my children. It's hard to be a parent- there's no clear cut instruction manual. There's a lot of judgements and opinions- but you need to figure out the path on your own. I'm extremely proud of the Mom I am to Ethan and Bella. Every day isn't perfect, but we make it the best we can.

I can multi-task and love being productive. I am someone who can not sit down to relax until everything is done- but hell if I can't get it all done in like 20 minutes. I will be sweeping the kitchen floor, starting laundry and loading the dishwasher while entertaining the baby and checking Instagram- HA. But for real, I have always had very busy jobs that require me doing a lot at once and I think that helped me as a person be very productive. Being busy and productive and getting things done is a great personality trait in my opinion- work work work work work!

Who: Allison, from the blog AA (ya know, the one you’re reading right now?)

I have a good eye. Whether I’m putting an outfit together, decorating a room or taking a photo, I love that I just know what looks good. If you see me in action doing any of those aforementioned things (especially photography; my second love after writing), you know I’m serious about it.

I have long, naturally muscular legs. I was born with long legs (thanks mom) which makes me appear taller than my actual 5 feet 4 inch stature, but years of walking in heels is likely responsible for some serious calf definition that I’ve always loved having.

I love my sense of humor and quick wit. It comes across in my writing, but in “real life” it’s there, too. I’ve always said I’d rather be the funniest person in the room instead of the smartest or prettiest, and I stand by that. Humor is SO important to me. AND I’M A FUNNY BITCH.

I’m true to who I am, always. I’ve never adapted, changed or downplayed anything about myself to appeal to or appease anyone else. I stand by my convictions and I’m proud of the woman I am and will stand up for what I believe in any day of the week.

My one dimple. One is better than none, and I have a pretty big one on the left side of my face that enhances my smile and normally causes someone to poke their finger in it when they see it, which sounds weird when I type it. I love that it’s kind of a “trademark” thing I have.

OK ladies (& gents, of course!) -- your turn! Leave what thing(s) you love about yourself in the comments. I’d love to hear!

[ravingsofajunkie]

“At least you’re still alive”. It’s almost as bad as “at least you’re sober”. I really have no idea what those mean to me. Alive…dead…sober or high, I don’t see importance of one state over another. Suicidal, I am not. I’ve been suicidal before because I thought that’s what you do when you’re depressed. A suicidal thought would cross my mind saying life would be much easier if I weren’t here. I would go with that thought believing it was real. But if there was any amount of known pain involved in a certain method of suicide I wouldn’t want use it. So the best way was Tylenol. Right? As if! Twice even!

My belief system had been this: I’m capable of thinking a thought therefore it must be true and I have no choice but to follow that one path. I really didnt know, deep down, I had a choice about everything…and I mean e-ve-ry-thing until about 2013. My first lesson was in 2004. Being sober for almost a year I found some solace at a Methodist church in the Lakeview neighborhood of Chicago. I attended an orientation class for those who were curious about becoming more involved with that specific church. The straight pastor who had been suspended from serving this church for marrying gay couples said, “we’re more universalist than Methodist here. Some of us actually believe that Jesus didn’t rise from the dead which doesn’t mean youre not a Christian.” I knew what he said was Truth yet still I was flabbergasted and gratitude radiated from my body like light from the sun.

The second lesson was in 2011. I had been using crystal meth off and on for about a year. My most personal and revealing tweak was carpet combing. I would spend hours (in total adding up to days and days) combing through my carpet to see if I or anyone else had dropped any crystal meth whether or not it was used in that part of the apartment. The sense of lack in my life was fierce. Lack of choices. Lack of friends. Lack of money. Lack of worthiness. I wanted more T and that shiT was expensive. Letting the cat out of the bag and revealing my tweak to a “friend” he said, “You have a choice. You need to tell yourself to get up off the floor and do something else. That shit is pathetic”. Why did he have to add THAT at the end? My sense of lack was so loud I had neglected my truer instincts.

I have never understood concepts such as a God based out of major religions, baptism, funerals, I am supposed to give a shit about the plight of every human being (especially when I could imagine aspects unknown to my experience and without judgment), and the importance of “at least I didn’t die”. Gosh, I must be a heartless person. That’s not what most people have told me, though. My first sponsor (in AA) of eight years mentioned that I was very altruistic at least once in every conversation, always trying to affirm my worthiness. I had no idea what that meant, at first, so I looked it up. It meant I was a very giving person with no expectation of reward or reciprocity? Please. No one…absolutely no one I know is the perfect model of altruism. A reward always awaits in anything we do or are with the simple release of the feel -good-chemical dopamine. I had started to hate all people because I gave too much of my energy trying to be friends with everyone. I sat on the term, altruism, for quite a long time trying understand why he would say that. My sponsor also sat on a pedestal where i had placed him until it came crashing down during the “relapse” or “revolving door” years between 2009-2012. I recall six major flaws in our relationship. 1. He would always forget routine activities that had been happening for years. 2. When I started “relapsing” on Crystal Meth his ignorance and lack of curiosity of what I was going through climaxed with “you were gone for three months and you still have your teeth”. 3. He actually meant “intuitive” or “empathic”…not altruistic…u’s, t’s and i’s…I see it. (And yes ive had almost all UTIs…LOL) 4. The statement, “you are now a chronic relapser” stung. 5. I was way too sensitive. 6. I placed him on that damn pedestal…he’s not perfect.

In 2013 my experiences had been traumatizing enough to bring me back to sobriety and rehab for what I had thought would be the fifth and last time. I had been attending back to back workshops at Haymarket, the boot camp rehab center in Chicago’s West Loop (two blocks away from Oprah’s Harpo studios) for poor and mandated-by-court patients.The difference between previous rehab experiences and this one was I had sensed an overwhelming flood, an abundance, of worthiness with no external motivation but the observation of a few opinions being thrown my way. Id, ego and super-ego were bookended with the father, son and holy spirit in a matter of a couple hours. Accompanied by my “mind, body, and spirit” theories floating around in my head I had made the connection between the holistic, religious, and psychiatric examples. They’re all the fucking same. Fuckers. Everyone. The whole bit. We, as human beings, have come to a place of identification and political correctness, no matter how liberal or conservative, dividing ourselves into the most lonely of separation. It’s all the fucking same. We’re all the fucking same. A fun bitterness accompanied those thoughts and feelings…just pure instinct, knowing, curiosity, and worthiness. Or was I just close enough to the A-Ha energy emenating from Harpo Studios? Who cares?! Naturally, bitterness arrived in the grieving process of letting go of old conditioning, assumptions and ideogy later on but I knew I had touched on Truth. Without knowing I had set out on a mission to choose my own belief system. The excitement of a clear internal motivation allowed me to hear the quiet “no of all nothing” (e.e. cummings) and the little guide posts externally along the way, aka synchronicity. A common phrase in AA made more sense to me then and now. “These (ideas, thoughts, 12 steps, clichés) are merely suggestions. You can take them or leave them”. Now if they, as one example of a recovery community, actually knew how to do that I would still be involved.

Ironically, despite my internal spark, two pieces of advice that I can give anyone today to achieve this state of mind, of knowing abundance, are not of my own making.

1. Set a hoola-hoop around you on the ground. Whether or not you have done this literally or in your mind’s eye, the only thing you need to worry about is inside this hoola-hoop. Dudes…all that gobbledeegook out there, i.e. media, government, gossip, your neighbors, etc are mostly a distraction. Everyday, all day, little by little, I gave this thought and asked myself, “why am I doing this? What is my motivation”. I have a tendency to over do things but the importance of being able to take all of my attachments and examine them overwhelms me with gratitude. My goal was to identify and keep my sense of inner motivation. Ironically I discovered that abundance after quitting injecting crystal meth on my own yet still getting high as a kite. More on that later.

2. Get religion out of ‘spirituality’. I don’t give a fuck if you’re atheist, muslim, naturalist, scientist, evolutionist, creationist, christian, or a devil worshipper. It’s all the same and 99% of all people can relate to this definition. The most important thing next to feeling worthy is being able to communicate our worthiness to each other. Just retrain your brain. Easy, right? If you’re too lazy to do it, fine. Ive been super lazy about lesser important things about which most people have pigeon-holed me into a being bad person. True, external motivation/inspiration exists but I cannot give you your worthiness. You have to feel that all on your own. So, take it or leave it.

Spirit - that life-giving source…the spark of life…energy everywhere…infinite microcosm….infinite macrocosm…atoms…universes…the unknowable thing that makes you or me breathe or get up in the morning or feel or do or be or the fact that scientists say that energy cannot be destroyed.

—“I’ve got spirit! Yes, I do! I’ve got spirit! How 'bout you?!”

Spiritual - expressing that energy. For all people and things something is being expressed. Even a rock.

Spirituality - experiencing the energy from within and from without. The sharing of that energy. Giving and receiving. Selfishness and selflessness. Reciprocity. The flow. Not Aunt Flo….but…The Flow.

What does this have to do with the phrases “at least you’re still alive” and “at least you’re sober”? Because I feel that it’s all the same, life, death, energy. To say otherwise is to imply shame or that I am not as good of a person for being high or dead. I’ve given myself the chance (time and space) to experience where motivation, creativity, inspiration, passion, love, hate, boredom etc comes from. All of these are within the realms of the abundance and gratitude I feel. I think it’s a lot like the idea of Zen….that energy and motivation are coming from the “no of all nothing”. Relax and go. And it’s even okay to question it all because I am naturally human, merely a doubter, a forgetter, blinded by my ability to separate, organize and categorize. In that painful distraction I can experience an even more powerful understanding that “it’s all the same.” Through the Flow of every experience, high or sober… dying or living, I can allow my humanness to evolve into knowing a little better than the last time I forgot. I have come to accept that, over time, I have seemingly no choice but to evolve in any state of being through some higher purpose…or inner purpose…or. Maybe I’m limiting myself by saying I have no choice in the matter. But until that discovery my options seem endless. And only by experiencing and expressing will I be able to see and know those options.

I am existence. I am energy. I am expressing my True Self through the tool of categorization (aka the Ego or Original Sin) and with each glorious experience. I choose to believe in my worthiness through the abundance of my expression without as much filter of seperateness and as many boundaries as I need.

Life is a paradox. I am a paradox.

May The Force be with you.