#able to run and stuff. like my goal and dream has been to be able to run since i saw Elena run away from something in the vampire diaries

[leejenowrld]

For jeno and yn

What's a quirky habit your partner has that you secretly adore?

Describe each other in three words

What's your favorite thing about your partner's personality?

What's a small, everyday gesture that means a lot to you?

What's a goal you're currently working towards as a couple?

What's a pet peeve you've learned to accept about each other?

jeno - she calls me baby and jeno the most but she’ll say “no no” really cutely when she wants something from me that she knows, otherwise that i’ll say no to. she has me wrapped around her little finger.

yn - he has the power of being able to tear open my bra straps with his teeth. half the time he doesn’t even use his hands. he also tears off my lingerie and pajamas with his teeth. he can do a lot of stuff with his teeth, when he wants my attention he shows me how he opens a beer cap with his teeth… it always ends with me all over him

jeno - enchanting, breathtaking, enduring

yn - radiant, magnetic, serene

jeno - there’s a lot. to save time i’ll list one. i love how emotionally mature and understanding she is. we avoid a lot of arguments and miscommunication solely because we both are on the same emotional maturity level and on the same wave length. she’s very chill, just being in the same room as her has a soothing effect on my heart. she’s definitely calmed me down and kept me grounded.

yn - he has the ability to always make me smile. through his acts of service for me, the way he shows me his love. he cooks for me, helps me in the gym, always takes care of me and my health, always keeps me hydrated and fed, does my errands for me. having a man care about me as much as he does is so attractive. his sense of humor stands out to me a lot too. he doesn’t seem like the funny guy but he has me cracking up so much. being with someone who makes me smile dsy after day is so important to me. he helps me through a lot of stormy days.

jeno - i have a problem with my muscles and joints, they go sore and acne a lot. without me even telling her, she knows when i’m in pain and she takes action by massaging me and putting joint gel all over me. her soft hands and warmth make me fold

yn - like i said before, he always takes care of me. always makes sure i’m hydrated and fed, does a lot of my chores and errands while telling me to rest and running me a hot bath. he’s a sweetheart. also the aftercare he gives me after sex :o

yn - were serious about our future, we’re currently saving a lot to hopefully buy our first house together. yes, house. we work hard and we aim high, we have big expectations and want to make this a family home. we even have a shared banking account

jeno - [whiskers to the audience whilst yn isn’t in the room] she doesn’t know that i’m building her a house, her dream house. we have a lot of goals, move in together, get married, have kids, travel the world. we’re getting there. we’ve already started our travelling goals, we’ve been to 15 different countries together and we’re booking holidays so frequently.

jeno - she’s a very expressive sleeper. she snores, moans, talks, giggles, drools in her sleep. she’s such a deep sleeper too, it’s difficult to wake her up when she needs to get up

yn - jeno’s just rude, lmao. he’s straightforward to a lot of people and he can come across as quite passive aggressive and direct. he’s completely different with me though, the “hates everyone in the world but you” is how he feels about me

[blue-thief]

@galaxynajma here are the actor/artist/writer isakainess hcs i mentioned earlier 🫡 (this got wayy longer than i was expecting it to be so it's basically a fic outline atp

kaiser started off as a child actor which explains... everything

when he was really young he popped up in a few roles for some pretty big movies

his biggest role as a kid though came when he was about ten where he played a big supporting character in a long-running kids' sitcom (think stuff like hannah montana, icarly, etc)

he's more or less cut off contact with his parents but he was fortunate to get a hold of his money once he turned 18

he's since moved out, rents out his own modest apartment, and he's shown up in a few moderately successful things

he's far from being an a-list actor but he's got a decent following

even though most people wouldn't be able to recognize his face, he can mention the stuff he's been in and people will be like "ohh yeah i've heard of that, i've been meaning to check it out"

he usually has to wear makeup to cover up his tattoo. most of his notable roles came before he cut + dyed his hair

his goal is to become an oscar-winning actor and he was able to get the lead role for a really serious film. his new hair just happened to suit the role

meanwhile there's ness the writer

he started off studying something STEM-related to appease his parents. besides, he needs a backup plan just in case the whole writing thing doesn't work out

but he soon dropped out due to being overwhelmed by how intense his competition was

fortunately enough he's still in contact with an ex classmate and he got some money doing copywriting for their side gig's website

on top of that he started submitting flash fiction and poetry to different competitions and magazines like CRAZYYY just to make a little more money

kaiser stumbles across one of his pieces, looks into him a little more, and finds ness's personal blog

he reads up on ness ranting about his parents and how he has no money

at this point kaiser's kinda fallen in love but he doesn't wanna seem too weird

and he reaches out to ness saying, "hey ik this sounds kinda weird but if you really wanna pursue your dreams but you're low on money you can become my roommate"

at first ness is like "wtf is this guy gonna try to kill me"

but he's late on rent and about to get evicted so he's DESPERATE

he agrees to meet kaiser to assess the vibes

and well. obviously ness falls head over heels in love with kaiser

(obv kaiser isn't gonna kill ness but don't follow in ness's footsteps guys you probably won't end up being as lucky)

and it works out great. kaiser's more than happy to cover most of the rent, he's out most of the time filming, and ness just has this bigass apartment where he's got ample space to work

anyway while kaiser's out and about one day he's at this cafe

there's this one worker on break, still in his apron and everything

he's off in the corner doodling something

the worker is isagi

and kaiser notices isagi is drawing HIM

kaiser goes up to him all smug like "wow, are you a fan? you want an autograph?"

and isagi's like "bro idfk who you are i just really liked your tattoo"

they talk a bit and isagi tells kaiser where he can find more of his work

isagi's mostly focused on digital art and commissions but he's also studying animation

kaiser finds his instagram and commissions isagi

"that napkin doodle you made of me was pretty good but i'd love to see how well you can capture my beauty given ample time (and money) ;)"

kaiser quickly becomes isagi's most frequent and highest paying client

you can say he's basically become isagi's (and to an extent ness's) sugar daddy

but kaiser likes to think of himself of those wealthy patrons from the renaissance

kaiser loved swinging by the cafe to ask about isagi's progress on his latest commission

one day he overheard isagi panicking about not being able to pay rent

and kaiser's like "you can move in with me and my roommate if you want"

and well. isagi does exactly that

ness kinda gets all crazy and possessive like "WHO'S THIS HOW DID YOU MEET HIM HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S NOT-"

suffice to say he and isagi don't get along at first

but kaiser's never home so it's mostly just them on opposite sides of the apartment, sending glares at each other every now and then

it's BECAUSE kaiser is never around that isagi and ness are forced to bond with each other eventually

FUCK THIS POSTED INSTEAD OF GETTING SAVED AS A DRAFT

oh whatever i'll probably make this into a fic and fill in the rest that way 😭😭

[nowoyas]

thinking started feeling like burning - nishinoya yuu/reader

m.list - deleted smut scene - read on ao3

A/N: would you believe I wrote the majority of this BEFORE having a complete mental break and quitting my job without any sort of plan? this one is gonna have a smut spinoff oneshot sometime before the end of the month but no clear ETA yet due to school and job hunting. this boy needs more love and goddammit I may not be confident in my noya but I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO HIM

Summary: Nothing had changed since you left. Not him, a brilliant hurricane, and not you, a lost robot moving forward with no goals or dreams of your own. Opposites attract, after all.

Warnings: past minor character death, suggestive themes. reader is gender-neutral but for purposes of the deleted smut scene coming later is afab. reader basically has an anxiety disorder and it's implied they have not great parentage but no major detail is gone into.

Word count: ~8600

desolate

/dĕs′ə-lĭt, dĕz′-/

adjective

1. Devoid of inhabitants; deserted

2. Barren; lifeless

Yeah, maybe that was it. Desolate. In this hotel room—small, furnished but empty—you set aside your phone and its little dictionary definition of what’s wrong with you and the definition imprints itself on your brain all over again. Hardly the first time you’ve known the meaning of the word, but perhaps the first you’ve recognized it in your face.

In high school, you’d occupied your time with almost nothing but studying. There had been friends, one or two, and a blip towards the end in the form of a boyfriend, but you had potential and didn’t need to focus on things like going out to karaoke or making out with a guy when you had exams to study for.

You had so much potential.

You recall, dimly, having memorized the definition for desolate one day among all your vocabulary. More than that, reciting it for a hopeless light in your life who just didn’t get all this school stuff.

Your nose wrinkles at the memory. Best not get caught up in that spiral, yeah?

Against your better judgment, you flop onto the hotel room bed face-first and sigh. What the fuck are you even doing here? None of this was necessary. None of this was planned for.

There’s, of course, the simple textbook facts of the situation: you attended a work event, and halfway through, went to the bathroom and just stared at yourself in the mirror—much like the way you spent the past half an hour in a hotel bathroom—went home, got in your car, and drove to a hotel precariously close to your hometown. Sure, there’d been some kind of internal monologue going on, but you don’t remember any of it anymore. Nothing beyond what you’ve known for the past six years:

Something is fundamentally wrong with you.

“So, what, we get in our car and drive away and don’t show up to work and hope it all works out?”

The desolate room does not answer the desolate you.

~

Some species of sea turtle have been observed returning to the beach where they were born in order to nest, a phenomenon known as “natal homing”. There are many theories as to how they are able to return to their birthplace…

Like the sea turtle, you swim through endless water and find yourself, of all places, back in Miyagi, staring at a house you only vaguely remember and wondering if your instincts really led you here, or if you’re staring at a random stranger’s house you��ve never been to. Maybe there’s more than one family with his last name in the area.

It looks like all the others—a house in the countryside, standard and homely. You were here… what? Three times? Five?

Not even in the double digits—you know that much. You and Noya had spent more time together at school, or at your house. Your parents hadn’t wanted you to spend too much time alone with a guy at his house. In hindsight, you kind of get it. His grandfather hadn’t exactly been the type to make sure you two were being good kids, or whatever.

Still, you run your fingers over the nameplate, the kanji of Nishinoya’s last name, and try to figure out why this, of all places, is where you’ve drifted to.

“[name]?”

You startle, looking to the voice. Familiar, yet matured. Perhaps a bit lower. Perhaps carrying an emotion you don’t recognize. That, you know, must be him.

You note with a barely-stifled laugh that Noya has not changed his hair in the years since you’ve seen him. Still that stupid, adorable tuft of dyed blond hanging down in his face. Good.

Then, the feeling passes, and the panic sets in.

What the fuck are you doing at your ex-boyfriend’s house?

“Noya,” you breathe. You nod to him, stunned.

“Holy shit, that’s actually you!” He’s closed the distance in an instant, swept you off your feet in a hug that has you crying out in surprise. When he sets you down, you stumble, trying to catch your brain before it falls out your head. He studies you with bright, sharp eyes. “What are you doing here?”

Ah. “Uh, yeah. About that? I… I have no idea.”

He blinks slowly, and then he’s laughing. “That’s not like you at all! Come on, if you’ve got the time to sit down, I’m sure we’ve got something around here to feed you with.”

“Feed me…? Wait, I…”

But he’s already grabbed your wrist, pulled you across the forbidden threshold and right to the front door. Maybe you should have thought about literally anything before showing up at his house.

Too late for regrets, you guess. You’re in way too deep for him to let you slip away now.

~

In your mind, Nishinoya is steepling his hands together like a stern employer trying to figure out the best way to admonish a bad employee. The image doesn’t really suit him, and you do know that, but you still feel like cubicle fodder waiting to get chewed out.

In reality, he’s resting his chin in his hand, watching you carefully as you run your thumb over the glass of water he’s given you and try not to meet his eyes. (It had taken quite a bit of debating to keep him from actually feeding you. The water was a concession in a valiant fight.)

“So, you don’t know what you’re doing?”

A slow nod.

“You don’t know what you’re doing.” The statement, repeated, does little to hide how astounded he is at the concept.

You sigh. It is easy and so, so heavy as the air escapes you. Maybe you can drown your errant thoughts in water until you understand just what, exactly, you’re trying to do here. You try, but no matter how much you drink, you still don’t have an answer. “Pretty much, yeah. I just sort of ended up here.”

He has an easy smile on his lips, sharp eyes taking you in. “After what?”

“What do you mean, after what?”

“I mean, it’s not like you to just run off and end up anywhere. You’re, you know, thoughtful and stuff! I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of you just doing something without at least three plans ready to go in case something went wrong.”

“I mean, there was you,” you admit with a laugh.

Shit. That was the wrong thing to say, but here you are, panicking and thinking you’ll make things even more awkward than you already feel, and there he is, smiling like he’s looking at…

What?

It isn’t until he’s leaning in further like he’s about to say something dirty that you realize your real mistake in that response.

“You didn’t think before you did me, huh?”

Your cheeks flare, and you hurriedly down the rest of the glass of water while you try to think of a suitable redirect. “You know what I meant!”

“Sure do! You meant—“

“Oh, hush.”

He laughs, and you fall into silence, trying to commit the sound of his laugh to memory.

That’s what sucks about this, oddly enough: you sit at his dining room table, holding a now-empty cup, and it’s just as easy as it always was. He tells you what he’s been up to: how he doesn’t play volleyball anymore (tragic—you loved watching him play) and he’s been traveling a lot (infuriating—you love to travel) and he’s dated once or twice since you last spoke, but nothing really lasting.

(heartbreaking.)

(you love—)

(you loved him when you left.)

“So,” he says, ever enthusiastic to redirect the conversation onto you, “what have you been up to?”

“Nothing, I guess.”

“Oh, come on. You’ve always been amazing. I bet you’ve been doing something awesome with that brain of yours. You wanted to write, right? How’s that going?”

Hah. Amazing. He’s only saying that because you were useful when you tutored him. “No, really. Nothing. Sales, I guess. Convincing people to give up money for a product I don’t believe in for a company I hate. I guess I’m up for a promotion soon. Really though, I think I’ve probably just been dead for the last… what, six years?”

You’d picked the number because it was when you graduated high school. That had made sense to you—college, too, had felt like nothing. No parties, no partners, just studying, exams, and keeping your body moving forward until you had a neat little degree in a field you didn’t care about. But when you spare a glance away from the window, where your attention has been glued in hopes of avoiding letting the awkwardness and pain of this whole situation actually hit you, it’s the first time since he ran into you that Noya isn’t smiling at you.

Oh yeah. And right before you graduated, you’d broken up with him.

“You broke up with me, you know,” he says after a long moment. “Are you saying you’ve been a ghost this whole time?”

And ouch. He’s right, and you hate that. It hadn’t been his fault you’d left. It’d been your insecurities, your inability to handle the weight of your parents’ disapproval, your unwillingness to fight for something that seemed so correct, your stunning realization that Noya would always shine too brightly for you to be the one standing beside him. He always thought you were amazing, but you were nothing compared to his whirlwind personality, his passion, his sense of life.

Maybe this would have been easier if you’d ever told him that.

“I don’t know what I’m saying. Probably just that high school was the last time I felt like a real person, and that ever since, I’ve just been going through the motions and slowly losing my mind and trying not to panic about the fact that not only do I not have any direction in life, I don’t even know how to enjoy it if I did.” Your words come out calm and metered. You try not to betray the worst of it.

For a moment, talking to him, you’d been able to forget the person you’ve been since graduation. You were always moving forward a step at a time, but at some point, you stopped being a hiker on your predetermined life path and just let yourself be a robot. Mechanical step after mechanical step. Just keep moving forward and you’ll get to where you’re going. When you get to where you’re going, you’ll take another stupid, empty step towards where you’re going now. Some successful career, some boring partner that your parents like, kids, wake up, go to sleep, another day, another day, another day doing exactly what you’re expected to do. Just keep following that bright, clear line. That bright, clear line to nowhere at all.

And then you stumbled. And now you’re here, again. Dizzy, sitting at the same table with the same guy.

At some point, you’d trailed off, staring at the table and searching for scars of a life well-used on its surface. You hear the shuffle of him standing over you, and look up to find him reaching out a hand to you. “Alright. Come on.”

“Come… on?”

He leans forward a bit more to take your hand and pull you up. “I’m taking you out to dinner.”

“Huh? Wait, but where?”

“Don’t know yet!”

He drags you out, and you stumble after him in mind and body.

“It’s one o’clock!”

“So we’ll scout places that look good while we get lunch. You don’t have anything to do, right?”

“Well, no, but—“

“Then we’re going!”

He pulls you right past the entryway, nearly has you out the front door before you can protest. “I’m not wearing shoes, Noya! You’re not wearing shoes!”

He only laughs, only pauses, only gives you a moment. “Get them on, then.”

“And do you even have your wallet?”

He blinks and pats his pockets. “Guess not! You’ve got until I’m back with my wallet to get your shoes on and decide to let this happen!”

Decide… to let this happen?

He disappears around the corner, deeper into the house, and at last you sigh, sitting to put your shoes on properly. You doubt he’ll be quick finding his wallet—if he’s anything like you remember (and so far, he’s exactly like you remember) then he has absolutely no idea where he put it last. If you didn’t think he’d absolutely drag you out the door once it was found, you’d kick your shoes back off and help him look.

After getting your shoes on, setting his out in ideal kicking-feet-into-without-stopping position, and five minutes of listening to him rustle about the house, you glance at a table in the entryway and smile at the sight of a plain black wallet in the dish. You inspect it, just in case it’s not his—there’s been no sign of Noya’s grandfather around, but almost nothing’s changed, so he probably still lives here. Better to check.

You open it, just to see that it’s got his ID in there and not someone else’s, and nearly slam it closed again immediately.

Yeah, it’s his missing wallet. ID and everything. And, in the little photo slot, a six-year-old photo of him in his volleyball jersey, million-volt smile on his face as you push him away with your own brilliant smile. He’d just won a game, and you’d been busy trying to get him, gross and sweaty, to stop getting all that gross and sweaty on you even as you laughed the entire time. Tanaka took the picture, you think—there’s a bit of thumb in the bottom right corner.

Noya keeps a photo of the two of you in his wallet. After six years without talking.

A noise bangs from somewhere else in the house, and you close the wallet and force down the warmth welling in your chest and rushing to your face. “All good?” you call out.

“I can’t find my stupid wallet!” he shouts back a moment later. He sounds a bit frustrated. “This isn’t going to work if I spend the whole day trying to—“

“Nishinoya,” you cut him off, half sing-song, “you left it by the door.”

No reply except the thudding of feet as he runs right up to you and plucks it from your hand. “There it is! I found it!”

“Oh, really? You found it?”

“Yep! Are your shoes on? We gotta go now!”

“Go where? You’re in an awful rush. Do you have plans or something?”

He kicks his shoes on and grabs your wrist again. “Nope! You’re gonna love it!”

~

Really a type of plankton, jellyfish possess extremely limited swimming abilities, if any at all, and rely on the currents to control their horizontal movements through the sea.

It occurs to you, as you make the trek to the bus stop, that you didn’t have to say yes to this. Well, really, it’s not like you said yes so much as didn’t say otherwise, and Noya, ever the trail-blazer, pulled you along for the ride. What’s even the difference in what you’re doing now and what you’ve been doing these past six years?

You barely make the bus. Nishinoya pays the fare for both of you, before you can protest, and when there’s only one open seat, he takes it.

“You’re such a gentleman,” you snort.

He responds by tugging you down into his lap. “I am!”

You’re stronger than you were in high school. Really, you are. You don’t collapse into emotions like embarrassment. You don’t let the sensation of being flustered consume you. You do not.

…you bury your face in your hands. “What are we doing right now?”

Always laughing. Always lighthearted. “What do you mean? We’re taking the bus someplace we can find some restaurants.”

“You know exactly what I mean!”

The bus passes over a bump, and he wraps an arm around your waist to steady you. “You know, you’ve barely changed at all.”

“Neither have you,” you fire back. You meant it as an accusation, but the words come out tender. “You’re still a complete hurricane.”

He laughs, his own tenderness bleeding through. “And you’re still not letting yourself have anything you want.”

“When have I ever—“

“I think you know.” His other arm comes around your waist, holding you in a loose hug, chin resting against your arm.

You try not to stiffen at all the contact. This, too, is something you haven’t felt in ages—simple, casual touch. He had always been that way, resting a hand on your shoulder, your back, running fingers through the ends of your hair, like if he stopped touching you, you’d run away.

Maybe he was right. Maybe he is right.

“You didn’t answer me before. Are you still writing? I’ve been keeping an eye out for your name on the shelves, you know.”

You rest a hand on his arm, half considering pushing his arm off. The bus stops, but apparently not at a stop Noya is interested in dragging you off at—he steadies you as the bus jolts, and as a few passengers file off, you consider admitting the answer.

“Poetry these days, mostly. It’s not like I’d ever get published if I went for it, so I just scribble out a few half-assed lines and—“

“See, stop that. That’s half your problem right there, you know!”

“Another seat just opened up, you know,” you mumble. If you try to fight him on this, he’ll end up talking you into these grand ideas that you’ll never be able to accomplish, and by the end of the day he’ll probably have you in love with him all over again, even though you know it would never work, even though you know you’d never really be anything—as an employee, as a person, as his. “We don’t have to do this… couple-y thing.”

“I want to, though. It’s nice, isn’t it?”

…it is. It really is.

“…I still like to write, but I never have time anymore. It’s work, recovering from work, getting ready for work, waiting to come home from work so I can prep lunches and wash my clothes so I have something to eat and wear at work. I don’t have energy for anything except meetings, emails, and phone calls where no one means anything they say.”

“Damn. No wonder you seem so lost. Why don’t you quit?”

“And do what? It’s not like I have a dream job. I just want to get by and survive—“

“Why? You’re not happy. Don’t you want to do something more than survive?”

“I don’t even know what that would look like, Noya.”

He says everything so simply. Just quit. Just move on. Just move forward. He’s lucky, you think. He doesn’t know what it’s like to have parents planning out your entire life for you.

…okay, that was mean. Add that to the list of things that are wrong with you.

He sighs, shaking you gently in his hold. “It’s worse than I thought. Hey, [name], why’d you come here?”

“I told you already. I have no idea.”

“Alright. Adding it to the list. Today, you’re experiencing adventure for the first time in six years, and you’re gonna figure out what you were doing standing outside my house at noon on a Saturday. If I have my way, you’re also going to be quitting your job and starting a promising career as the greatest writer Japan’s ever seen, renowned the world over, but we can get to that some other time if you want!”

“Noya, I’m not—“ Your words die in your throat as his fingers slide between yours. You hadn’t realized your hand was sliding up his arm, but here he is, holding hands with you like it’s nothing.

God. How old are you, again?

~

Lunch ends up being crepes. Never mind the fact that crepes are not a meal, not even when Noya suggests buying two each—he proudly declares it lunch, and so lunch it must be. You’re lucky that he graciously allowed you to get a table, though he’d insisted on grabbing one outside even as the sky above has started to loom with rainclouds.

“And what’ll we do if it rains?” you retort drily as he sits across from you.

“We’ll figure it out,” he grins, sliding you a menu. “Dry off after we get rained on, not before.”

You snort. “How about we just try not to get rained on?”

“Then we would be sitting inside, and you wouldn’t get to look up at the clouds while we eat! You always liked the way the sky looked before it rained, right?”

A soft huff leaves you, a small smile unbidden. “You actually remember that? I think I said that to you, like, one time.”

He nods. “Only had to say it once! Besides, I caught you staring up at the sky in the rain more than once.”

“And yet, I had to repeat the same information for you so many times, only for you to still get it wrong on test day…”

“Hey! I was distracted!”

“You weren’t supposed to be,” you tease.

“What was I supposed to do? There was this gorgeous person sitting across from me telling me all these complicated things in a nice voice. I’m a simple man!”

Though your cheeks heat at the declaration, you can’t help but laugh. “Clearly.”

“Yeah. Clearly.” For just a moment, he’s soft, unbearably soft, and you fear looking at him. Quick, change the subject before you have to acknowledge whatever’s going on here!

“S-so!” Smooth! You’re doing great, sweetie! “Any idea what you’re going to get?”

He slaps a finger down on the menu without looking. “A… monte… monte…”

You sigh and peer over to look at the fanciful English he’s pointing to. “A Monte Cristo crepe?”

“Yeah!”

“Did you read the part where it’s got onions as a main ingredient? Don’t you hate onions?”

He wrinkles his nose, but stands firm. “I’m sure!”

You huff softly. “Alright. Far be it from me to stop you.”

“What about you? Make a pros and cons list for each menu item yet?” he teases.

“For your information, I don’t have to do that when ordering in restaurants. That’s for big decisions. But…” You sigh. “I haven’t eaten out in a while. It stresses me out.”

“Why?”

“So let’s say I pick something that looks good, and it sucks. I won’t eat it because it sucks, but then I feel like I’ve insulted the chef and wasted my time and money.”

He narrows his eyes at you. “If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. But at least you’ll know! When’s the last time you actually ate out like this?”

You bite your lip thoughtfully. When was it?

“I… think I did a celebration dinner with my parents when I graduated?”

“College?”

“No, high school. We didn’t celebrate when I graduated college.”

Once again, he’s staring at you in blank disbelief. “[name], that was six years ago.”

You flush. “Yeah, so?”

“That’s so sad. What have you been doing? I’m about to take you on a food tour just so you can catch up on all the restaurants you’ve been missing.”

You wrinkle your nose. “Please, no. I can’t eat that much.”

“Then we’ll spread it out!”

“Noya…”

The waiter drops in at exactly the wrong time. Flustered, you stumble your way into lemonade for you, apple cider for him, and then, as he’s confidently mispronouncing “Monte Cristo” to the waiter, you panic and end up ordering some curry crepe, a concept which intrigues and horrifies you.

“How’d you even find this place? Seems weird for there to be some half-French, half-English upscale crepe restaurant out in Miyagi.”

“What do you mean, how did I find it? We found it together. I’ve never eaten here.”

Right. He’s completely winging everything. “Amazing.”

“Right?”

Drinks come, and you sigh into a masterful lemonade and try to think of things to say to fill the space between you and your ex. (You have to try not to forget that bit—that this isn’t natural, that this can’t lead anywhere. For your sake and his.) “So, how’s your grandfather been?”

The easy smile on Noya’s lips drops. “Oh. He died late last year. Age caught up to him, I guess.”

Oh. Fuck. “Noya, I’m so…”

He shakes his head. “Don’t apologize. Crazy bastard had a hell of a time of it. He’d hate for me to sit around feeling bad about it, anyway.”

He wouldn’t want you to pity him. Doesn’t want you to pity him. You know that. But…

Did Noya ever talk about any other family members when you knew him? You know he lived in that house with his grandfather. No siblings. Never mentioned any cousins. You know he didn’t grow up around his parents, either…

Has he been alone this whole time?

You reach across the table. Place a hand on his. “Maybe I’ll visit more often.”

In silence, the two of you sit and wait for your crepes.

~

The crepes come out, and with them, new points of conversation that carry you both to finishing—all the way until Noya manages to argue you into letting him pay. He pulls you along, a bit slower than before, a bit easier. You can’t help but let him take your hand and bring you wherever the wind is leading him, half-pitying him and half from the complete lack of will to fight him all day.

“I told you you weren’t gonna like what you ended up ordering.”

“You liked it though, right?”

Predictably, he’d taken one bite of the crepe and instantly realized his mistake. Far too much onions for his tastes. Your curry crepe had been… well…

Let’s just say that you weren’t especially upset when Noya asked you to swap.

“It was really good, if you like onions.”

“I know what I like! Onions aren’t it!”

It’s easy like this, and the day really is nice. There’s rain on the breeze and in the clouds, a pleasant scent and a comforting gloom over the day. You tease and joke back and forth, hand in hand like it’s natural, and it is. It’s easy, being around him. It was easy back then, too. So easy it scares you.

You’re just waiting for the bottom to fall out.

You’re waiting for the bottom to fall out, and it does—with a shriek and loud laughter, rain chases the both of you underneath a tree and within sight of the nearest bus stop, soaking you both through to the bone.

“See?” Noya says, grinning as he pulls you a little closer underneath the tree. “Now we can worry about getting dry.”

“You’re unbelievable,” said with a smile. “What is all this meant to prove again?”

“Well, why’d you come here?”

“Here? You dragged me out here.”

“Yeah, but why’d you come back to Miyagi? I’m just saying, my doorstep is not the first place I expected you to turn up on when the inevitable nervous breakdown hit.”

You fall silent, shiver in the rain. It’s peaceful. You try to focus on watching for a bus, anything except the question you were asked.

“[name].”

You glance at him, yelp a little to find how close the two of you have gotten. This close, in this kind of situation, it’d be only natural for you to lean in, for you to brush your lips against his.

God, have you even kissed anyone since you burned everything down?

You’re not doing this. You’re not falling into a hurricane like him again. You won’t be able to come back if you do that. (Especially with such a fucking cliché.)

You turn away. “You already asked me that. I told you before, I don’t know.”

He hums thoughtfully. Drapes his jacket over both of your heads in an attempt to keep you both from looking any more rained out than you already do.

“I’m just saying, if you want my opinion, you’re going to have to do a lot more adventuring and a lot less sales for a company you hate if you want to remember what ‘happy’ is supposed to feel like.”

“Not sure I ever knew what that was like to begin with.”

“Never?”

“When I was a kid, maybe.”

He tilts his head. “Not even when we dated? Is that why you broke up with me?” He sounds genuinely curious. Would it feel better, you wonder, if he sounded hurt?

You wince. “I didn’t mean… I just…” A sigh. “It’s more like, I was too afraid to let myself be happy when I was with you.” In the close proximity, you find it easier to let your head rest against him a little. “Please don’t misunderstand. I like you. I probably would have been really happy with you if there weren’t something fundamentally wrong with me as a person.” Shit. You definitely misspoke there.

“I don’t really know how to teach you to relax a little, but it’s gotta be easier now that you’re out of your parents’ house. Maybe you need to go somewhere completely new. Get a fresh outlook.”

You arch a brow his way. At least he’s not commenting on your slip of the tongue. “What are you suggesting, Nishinoya?”

“I’m leaving for Italy. Six weeks. That’s enough time for you to plan your little heart out, right?”

“Italy.”

He nods, as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Italy.”

“And if I came back after six years to kill you or something?”

He barks a laugh, stark against the pouring rain. His eyes linger on you. The part of you that’s charitable to yourself thinks he might be mentally undressing the clothes sticking to your skin, though you know it’s more of a challenging look. “I’d like to see you try.”

~

One soaking wet bus ride back to Noya’s house doesn’t save you from this little adventure plan of his. Instead, you’re given a towel or two to dry off with and a change of clothes from his closet, as though it’s the most natural thing in the world. The way he acts, everything is.

So now here you are, wearing a shirt far too large for you that you’ve wrestled into looking somewhat nice with Nishinoya’s jeans. It slides off your shoulder a bit no matter how many times you fix it. You admit, you do manage to pull it off, but the whirlwind of the day still has your head spinning with just how wrong this situation is.

You’re supposed to be at work right now. You should be in office clothes, sitting at a desk in a too-cold cubicle that you never got around to decorating, perfect and polished while you tap out yet another perfectly-balanced email, three-quarters professional, one-quarter gentle familiarity to lure your clients into a false sense of security. Not standing in your ex’s bathroom, tying one of his t-shirts at the waist, adjusting your hair to look closer to “decent” than “drowned rat”. This, this day, this situation, was never supposed to happen.

Is this whole day going to be a stumble? How long will it be until you catch yourself and get back to moving forward? When you do, will you still have a place at your desk?

Do you even want one?

A knock at the bathroom door. “If you give me your clothes, I’ll get them started drying,” his voice filters through the door.

All of these actions have been so easy. Your wet clothes, picked up from where they hung shower-side. Easy to wring them out a bit more to keep from making the floor worse. Easy to open the door. Easy to hand them to him.

Nothing had ever been particularly hard before him, but falling in love with him had been just like this: easy.

Maybe the first easy thing you ever remember.

~

So you go along with it. Another bus ride, this one less crowded than before. This time with umbrella in hand—just one, because of course Noya didn’t even think about it on the way out the door—and a determination to figure out what the hell you’re doing here to begin with.

Everything is as everything was, you think. Shops lining the street, one familiar sight in particular, one of two things you had never had the strength to deny yourself back in school. At the sight of the bookshop, you tug Nishinoya to a stop. You’re a little surprised when he actually does stop.

“Sorry, can we head in? I used to love this place back in school.” You nod to the bookshop. He smiles and lets you lead the way.

“I think that’s the first time you’ve done something selfish today,” he comments as you lead him in.

You refuse to meet that one with a reply.

The shop is exactly as you remember. High stacks of books, books, books everywhere. The scent of old books and a slight spice in the air, scents blending and mixing until, for just a moment, you’re in high school again, marveling at rare finds coming through the used books section and finding some new world to escape into.

You sigh into the scent and disappear into the stacks. Noya is kind enough to humor you as you pick through, find a title or two to take up to the register. If you really do come back to visit from time to time, you’ll have to make sure to stop in here when you do. The old woman at the register hasn’t aged a day. She smiles when she sees you the same way you’re smiling as you approach her.

“Is that little [name]?” she asks, though you both know she already knows the answer. “Why, I haven’t seen you around here in ages! You’ve grown so well!”

“It’s wonderful to see you again, ma’am.”

“Just as polite as you always were. Find everything you were looking for?”

She’s got a poster on the counter by the register. You steal a glance, then meet her eyes with a smile. “Sure did! I’m glad to see you guys are still here.”

Her smile turns bitter. “I’m not sure how much longer, I’m afraid.”

Ah. There’s the heartbreak, panic, fear. “What?”

“It can’t be helped. It’s getting difficult to watch this place in my age, and my Taka’s not been doing so well lately. The kids are all off worrying about their own lives now…”

Your chest twists at the thought. “Can’t you find help?”

“We’ve been looking, but…”

It cannot possibly be this easy.

There’s no way.

“But…”

Noya slides a few bills over the counter while you’re busy fighting a war in your head.

“Oh, and who’s this? You’ve got to introduce your boyfriend, dear.”

“Oh, he’s not—“

“It’s nice to meet you, Granny! I’m Nishinoya.”

Already, they’re spiraling off into some side conversation, too fast for you to make the obvious correction as the old lady makes your—Noya’s—change. She tucks a little bookmark into the front of the stack, and you slide your new books into your bag in resignation. It becomes his space as easily as it was yours, and somehow, it doesn’t feel wrong.

After you’ve left, you consider clearing the air, bringing up… whatever that was.

…it’s not worth the argument.

Another few shops, another few stops. Another few steps forward, another few hours, and yet again you’re sitting across from him, fretting over being underdressed at the restaurant you’ve both happened across and settled on.

“Are you sure we’re dressed alright?” you mutter.

“They let us in the door, didn’t they?”

…yeah, you don’t know what you expected him to say.

“Besides, you look great,” he adds. His eyes dance over you, over the bare skin on your shoulder where you’ve finally given up on pulling the neck of his shirt back up. “I think you wear that better than I ever have.”

You ignore him in favor of another menu, another decision to make that feels earth-shattering. At least you’re aware you’re being ridiculous when it comes to ordering. Really, what’s going to change if you get the fun-looking drink you might not like over the safe one? How bad would it really be if you didn’t like your meal that much?

Drinking too much. Discovering a new allergy. Food poisoning—

“You’re overthinking again,” he teases.

“I’m always overthinking,” you grumble.

“Maybe you need to take the edge off.”

He’s right, and you know that in theory. But in the practice and the day-to-day, you stare at the drinks menu and feel your chest constrict with that itch of anxiety all over again.

“You’ve just got to jump in before you can talk yourself out of it. Come on, [name], let me distract you a little.”

…you don’t think he’s trying to flirt, but your face feels hot all the same. And, well, shit, Noya is a great distraction. He’s a bit less keyed-up than he was back then, but he’s still endlessly charming, endlessly easy to get wrapped up in if you lower your guard even a moment.

“…fine. So what’s this you were saying earlier about Italy?”

His eyes light up. You rest your chin in your palm, glance over the menu again as he tells you about his dreams of traveling the world, how he wants to seek new thrills and see all these new things. You can see every potential disaster of the situation—for one, he has a house back home that someone’s going to need to care for while he’s away, and he doesn’t seem to have thought of that. For another, he’s got an inheritance and no passive income to work with. His grandfather’s leftover money may be substantial enough for this to work in the short term, but longer-term…

Well, one day, he’s going to run headfirst into a hole he can’t climb out of himself.

The thought scares you. Who’s going to be there for him when that happens?

The waiter stops by. Before you can talk yourself out of it, you pick out something alcoholic and fruity and try not to preen under Noya’s delighted approval.

“I’ve never seen you drunk before. Looking forward to it,” he grins. This time, you’re sure he means it flirtatiously, given the wicked gleam in his eyes.

You reach across the table to bat at his arm. “Keep looking, then. I don’t plan on getting drunk tonight. Just buzzed enough to put up with you.”

“Well, that’s no fun. I wanted to know what you’re like when you finally let loose.”

“Excuse you, I can be plenty fun without getting drunk off my ass.”

“Then let’s see it.”

Drinks come out, food orders are placed. You get your margarita halfway down before the buzz starts really setting in, a pleasant warmth blossoming through you. At least now when Noya makes your face hot with some offhanded comment, you can blame it on something other than your own weak heart.

“You know, this is the most adventurous thing I’ve done since I dated you,” you admit once you’re both walking back to the bus stop. Fully sober you would never have this conversation. You recognize that, but there’s enough pleasant fuzz in your head that for once you do not give nearly enough of a fuck to stop yourself. The night is warm, maybe even romantic. “This whole… running around, stopping at random restaurants, getting drenched in the rain without an umbrella. All that.”

He’s got this soft look in his eyes as he regards you. “Really? I can’t say I’m surprised. You were always worrying about everything.”

You snort. “Someone had to.”

“We were kids, though. You probably could have left at least some of that worrying to your parents.”

“Believe it or not, they gave nearly all of that worry to me. On purpose, I think.” You sigh, lean against him just a touch. Your balance never was all that great sober. “I had to be perfect. You were that one little blip.”

“Hey, it felt perfect to me.”

“Did I make a mistake, do you think?”

He looks a little wounded at that. To your credit, he’s definitely misinterpreting. “Dating me?”

“No. Leaving you.”

He pauses, an awkward motion that has you both stumbling just a bit. He’d drank over dinner, too—you’re both buzzed, and the bubbly, floaty feeling ebbs out as you stare at each other. “Why do you say that?”

“I just… I thought about it a lot,” you mumble. “What it would have been like. If I’d just stayed, instead of letting the thought of my parents scare me into running away.”

He huffs a soft laugh and winds his arm around your shoulder. “I thought about it, too. Come on. You don’t need to make it back to the hotel alone; I’ve got a guest bedroom you can use tonight. That, and I’ve still got your clothes.”

Oh. Right.

You nod and let him walk you back to his home.

~

“Have you figured anything out yet?” he asks as he finds another oversized t-shirt and a pair of athletic shorts for you to sleep in. “Gotten even a little closer to figuring out how to do something you actually feel like doing?”

“I had fun,” you mumble in reply. “I know that much, at least.”

“Good. That was mostly the point.” He hands the clothes over to you. They’re more neatly folded than you would have given him credit for.

“Mostly?”

“Well,” he grins, “I also wanted to spend the day with you. Didn’t figure you’d ever agree if I didn’t drag you out before you could think about it too hard.”

“It was nice,” you admit. “Thank you. For all of it. I… I still don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow, though.”

“Is it so bad listening to what you feel like doing every once in a while, though?”

“If I knew what I felt like doing, maybe.” You linger awkwardly in his doorway, bounce your shoulder rhythmically against the frame. “You’ve got your work cut out for you if you think one day is gonna get me that in tune with my brain.”

“That’s why I asked you to come to Italy with me.” He tilts his head, some question lingering unspoken. “Try it now, though. What does [name] feel like doing right now?”

He’s close to you. Too close. He’s close, and pretty, and magnetic, and—

“[name] feels like doing something stupid.”

His grin widens. “Nice to meet you. My name’s Nishinoya Yuu, and I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I am pretty damn stupid.”

—fuck it. You grab him by the collar of his shirt and kiss him before you can talk yourself out of it.

He reciprocates in kind, an eager hand coming to settle on your waist like it’s been waiting to rest there all night. You kiss him hot, heavy, open-mouthed; let your hands slide from gripping his collar to locking loosely behind his neck. When you’re both out of breath, he pulls back and leans in to whisper into your neck:

“Why did you come here, [name]?”

It’s hard to think with his breath on your neck, his hands on your body leaving your skin on fire where he touches, but you are great at thinking and finally off the deep end enough to admit it.

“I wanted to remember what it was like to feel alive,” you breathe out into his ear. His lips brush your throat, and you let out a breathy whine. “You’re the only person who ever—who ever seemed to know how to do that.”

“Let me show you how to let go, then.”

There’s no illusions about what he means. Not this time, not with his lips dancing down your neck to your exposed shoulder. Not with his hips pressing into yours, not with his fingertips toying with the edge of his shirt you’re wearing, and not with his fingertips brushing the bare skin at your waist.

You nod and hope you won’t regret it.

~

If there’s regret to be had, you expect you’ll see it in the light of morning. As it is, Noya returns from the bathroom and collapses right onto you, a lithe arm pulling you into his chest.

“I’m glad you came back,” he mumbles into your hair. You’re both tired—it’s late, and that might have been the best workout you’ve gotten in a while.

“Because you missed me, or because you got to fuck me?” you tease, sliding a hand over his.

“I missed you,” he replies without missing a beat. “Not too late to come travel the world with me. Quit your job and feel peace for once in your life.”

“Peace? With you around? Not likely. Besides, I’m renting a place in Tokyo. I can’t meet rent if I quit my job.”

He laughs and pulls you in a little closer. “Then just Italy, and you can go back to the way you felt before you turned up on my doorstep looking more lost than I’ve ever seen anyone in my life.”

You sigh. “When you’re traveling the world, who’s gonna take care of your house? It doesn’t seem like you’re selling it, are you?”

“Italy, come home, we’ll break in the place, and then I’ll come home to you between trips while you work on writing an international bestseller.”

Your heart flutters at the thought. Admittedly… it’d solve a lot of the problems you have with his little “plan”.

“And how do you suppose I pay for being alive aside from not having rent?”

“Ask that old lady at the bookshop if you can help at the store.”

“Why do you have an answer for everything?”

“It’s okay if things fall into place once in a while, you know.”

You sigh into him. There’s too many unknowns. How is he going to keep paying for traveling? What if the book never works out? If there’s no space for you at the bookshop? If—

He nuzzles into your neck. “I’m waiting on an answer, baby…”

“It’s late, Noya. I’ll think about it.”

“Do me a favor and think yourself into something for once, instead of out of it. I might die if you leave again.”

He presses one last kiss into the back of your neck before you both draft off, sore and exhausted.

There’s one thing, at least, you can be sure of, at least for tonight: you’re glad you came here.

~

Epilogue

“You’re looking much better,” your coworker nods to you as you settle back into your desk. “Get some much-needed rest?”

You nod your reply. “I did, thanks. Sorry for disappearing so suddenly. That cold was killer. Think I slept about fourteen hours straight.”

She snorts. “Man, no wonder you weren’t answering your phone. Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

She wanders off to her own desk. You take a long sip of your drink, stretch a bit, and get right to your stupid little emails.

You tap away, pausing between sentences to consider, to answer the phone, to sip your drink. Occasionally, to tab over to some other draft when you worry a passing coworker might see exactly what you’re writing. At one or two points, over to your web browser, either to the wikiHow article you’re referencing, or to one of the many other tabs: your online banking, to confirm that this isn’t going to completely kill you (it won’t—all work and no play gives Jack a hefty savings account), or to any number of other wonderful things on the Internet that you suddenly feel comfortable accessing with the letter you’re drafting in the background.

It takes an hour to settle. The letter is drafted, all the right people are copied. You’ve triple checked everything, gotten all your things already slid into your bag or in a box to carry out with you. Made sure everything you need to leave behind is in clear view on your desk. You’ve even prepped an auto-response on your email client so people know who to bother, if not you. It’d take three, maybe four clicks to blow up your life.

You can’t do it.

You reach for your cell and dial.

Noya, despite all that worries you about him, has always been an early riser. He picks up on the second ring. “Hello?”

“Distract me,” you order in lieu of a greeting.

You hear laughter, a slight shuffle. “From what?”

“Doesn’t matter. Just distract me.”

“Ah, you’re doing something you don’t want to talk yourself out of. I’m proud of you!” You hear the smile in his voice, close your eyes to try to visualize it. “Am I allowed to ask what you’re up to? Where you are?”

“No and no. If I tell you, I’ll back out by the time I finish saying it.”

“I get it. Hey, do you still have that mark on your neck from when I—“

Your cheeks burn, fingers dancing along the bruise in question. It had been a bitch to cover with makeup this morning. You’re still not convinced you did so successfully, but no one’s commented on it yet, at least. “No thanks to a certain someone. I still can’t believe you did that.”

“Hey, you said you felt like doing something stupid. Who was I to deny you?”

“Cheeky bastard.” You smile, lean back in your chair a little bit. Click ‘send’. “Oh god. I did it.”

“Am I allowed to ask what you did now?”

“I might throw up. Not sure yet. Hey, how do you feel about renting bikes?”

“Bikes?”

“In Italy. I was looking up, like, bucket lists and stuff, and there’s this road, the Appian way? You can rent bikes and bike it. Apparently, it’s pretty old, and there’s this café we could eat at, and—“

You hear the thunk of something falling in the background of the call. “You’re coming!?”

“Well, I just emailed my resignation letter to my boss and HR, and I can see him panicking in his office from here, so you better have meant it. Here in a minute or two, he’s probably going to call me in, or come yell at me at my desk—“

“When’s your resignation effective? Did you give a notice?”

“Effective as soon as he stops panicking.”

A bark of laughter sounds in your ear. “So if he comes to yell at you, just leave. You already quit, anyway. What’s he gonna do?”

“Good point. Leaving now.” You stand, scoop up your bag. “I have two months left on my lease. If you didn’t mean that thing about me housesitting while you’re off seeing the world, speak now before I call my landlord and let him know I’m canceling that, too.”

“All yours, but your rent is walking around without pants whenever I’m home.”

You roll your eyes. Pause to wave at your boss on your way out the door. If he shouts after you, you don’t hear it. You’ve got a trip to Italy to plan.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory

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As always, thanks for reading! <3

[deus-ex-mona]

Heyooo so like do you think you could explain the Someya brothers relationship? It’s peaked my interest since the new songs with these two revolve around each other…

Yujiro and Koichirou aren’t related by blood, right? 🤔

Also, what do you think about the new songs that just came out?

Thank you so much for your time 💛💛 Happy New Years 💕

hi! happy new year~~!

this got kinda long so there’s a cut here for length sorry~~~

ngl i’m kindaaaaa fuzzy on the details about the someya bros’ relationship, but long story short, they’re stepbrothers (with koichiro spawning from the resident longleg tamagoro and yujiro being tae’s son, of course) who were kinda pitted against each other when it came to learning how to perform (kabuki) from tamagoro, because longleg’s gotta longleg ig.

then yujiro gets disinherited because the longleg’s still longlegging and koichiro takes to the kabuki stage by himself as the local “national treasure’s” sole heir. so, like, i’m guessing that the events surrounding yujiro’s disinherition may have led to their (frankly terrible) brotherly relationship of “an inferior older brother” and “a superior younger brother”?

though this dynamic carried on pretty much for as long as yujiro longed to perform on a kabuki stage, just like koichiro does (if we were to take the lxl movie’s word for it). then yujiro became an idol and started to work towards a different dream, breaking off from the path (kabuki) that he used to follow koichiro down, which i guess made koichiro start to see yujiro in a different light?

like, imagine you have a lifelong rival who strives for the same goals that you do. however, this rival of yours is less skilled than you, so you naturally grow to have a sense of superiority over your rival, taking satisfaction in crushing them while having full knowledge that they will never be able to beat you when it comes to your shared goals.

however, one day, your rival decides to aim for a different goal, completely ditching your shared goal and stuff, and they actually seem to be doing pretty well in their path to achieve their new goal. how would you feel?

because i get the feeling that koichiro’s initial response to that was to feel betrayed, in a “why are you running away (from kabuki)?” sense.

though, over time, koichiro seems to have gradually come to terms with yujiro’s idol activities, and their relationship naturally (albeit slowly) improved as the days passed, with them going on walks together and bickering with each other like brothers would. which, y’know, is cool of him in a way. he’s learning. he’s still kind of a brat, but he’s growing despite his past mistakes.

as for yujiro, well, he seems to have been looking out for koichiro in his own way from the very beginning? like, man chose not to go against koichiro’s mistreatment, opting to just lower his head and accept it instead.

was it an act of self-sacrifice to protect koichiro’s ego or something? heck, even in the lxl movie, he just took everything koichiro dished at him, and only fought back when koichiro dared to mock his bf aizo. which is. pretty unhealthy, yujiro bro. just tell him you have a proper brotherly love for him for goodness sake. your communication skills s u c k.

um. anyway.

tl;dr: stepbros made to learn kabuki because of their father. older bro gets disinherited, younger bro gets an attitude and mistreats older bro. this continues until older bro becomes an idol and begins to walk his own path. younger bro feels betrayed/annoyed at his older bro for “giving up” on kabuki. younger bro does eventually accept the fact that they have different dreams and supports older bro. seems like older bro has always been looking out for younger bro though, even though he doesn’t say it.

thoughhhhhh seriously, i’m not a someya expert or anything, i just like making fun of the longleg, so… if someone with a degree in someyaology could chime in, it’d be greatly appreciated~~~

as for the new songs, nagisa’s new song is the best of them all, no question. thanks for coming to my ted talk—

[salemssimblr]

Hello there! I'm Eden :D I LOVE your renders! I've been rendering for well over a year at this point, however I only stuck to the super basic stuff since it took me a year before that to even know how to do it at all. I've wanted to up my game and get to where you are now. I'm SO SORRY if this question was asked already (I haven't gotten too far in your posts yet), but;

How do you personally edit your renders? I understand you use photoshop, but how do you do it exactly? Your renders have that kind of digital art style, like you drew them yourself. Feel free to be as descriptive or brief as you'd like!

Hi Eden!!! Thank you so much! 🥹😍♥️

I've followed you back and glad we're moots! I'd love to see some of your work!

I'm not sure if I've answered this before but I'm happy to answer it again! Also I haven't advertised it in a while (and I really need to try to get up a new tut, maybe soon), but my alt account is a Render School where I post tutorials, with plans to post editing tutorials in the future!

But honestly as far as my editing, I really don't do much.

Actions are my secret weapon, and I have a few favorites/go-tos I'll link! A few are by simmers and a few are just action sets. I'm in a family of photographers, so I have access to a wealth of resources for my editing.

Sonder set by @intramoon

Cold Water set by @intramoon

Retro Prime photoshop actions

Indie camera photoshop actions

But my "secret weapon," as it were, and the set of actions that I think most helps me accomplish that digital art style is a set of actions that are sadly expensive and hard to find now.

My favorite set is by Totally Rad! and I think in recent years it's been folded in to this Pixel Sugar product on their website. I know that's a steep price point but it's possible you can find it around the corners of the Internet for less, or if you can't, you might be able to find "dupes" of the better ones, which imo are:

Technicolor dream world

Super Fun Happy

Bullet Tooth

Grandma's Tap Shoes

As for my method, I know a lot of simmers paint over their renders, and I've done that a few times but find I'm too impatient tbh. My goal is always to have to do only minor touchups over my renders and some color/vibe adjustments before the finished product. My "raw" files are always exactly what blender spits out for me, unaltered in any way except to resize them for Tumblr.

To get that digital art style, I'd recommend rendering with alpha details if you don't already. If your computer can't handle alpha cc in the game, DM me and I can give you some pointers (sneak peek info for a future tut lmao) on how to accomplish it without bogging down your game.

When I go into photoshop I adjust the brightness and contrast, as I tend to personally prefer high contrast pieces that contain dark subject matter but you can still see the details. Then I'll paint/blur/clone/adjust anything that needs it, then I'll "stack" and adjust a handful of actions before applying edge blur and vignette and any other color adjustments (levels, curves, etc).

That's a very oversimplified rundown of what I do, but really overall my editing process is simple. The bulk of my work happens in blender itself. I find that the more time I take to perfect the lighting and shadows and angles in blender, the less frustrating the editing process and the happier I am with the end result. So, that said, be sure you're spending a lot of time in blender getting the light and shadows to be exactly where you need/want them to be before running it.

I know this is a bit long I'm sorry! If any of it is super confusing or you'd like a more in-depth look at any of it please let me know! I do plan to do editing tutorials for my side blog, but the latter half of this year has kind of run over me like a train, and for now I'm just trying to get by day by day. But I'm happy to help if you have more specific questions!

& thank you again!! ♥️

[thatoneweirdo14]

i think the reason vbs surpassing rw already feels anticlimactic (to me) is because its been such a massive thing for them for so long and its just done like THAT

i know in bdtw they say how they actually want to go beyond rw but that was TWO EVENTS AGO. let it marinate, pleaseee. Give them some time to truly understand and contemplate what this extension of their dream means to them, like in on your feet. An especially, it doesn't feel right for her to accept this so fast given all that's happened

Also, storytelling-wise its just not a wise move to make? I'm no story-writing genius but usually when characters have a dream they want to achieve, the majority of the story is build-up to that dream as well as the characters growing in proportion to the story along the way. Before that dream is achieved, however, what happens in the story is that the characters almost reach the goal before crashing back down, going through their biggest low point.

This achieves two things: 1) It allows any plot holes or gaps in the characters' motivations/abilities to be filled in, leaving no room for doubt in the audience's mind and 2) ITS MORE SATISFYING.

Think of it this way, which feels more deserved: a character gets better and better at overcoming obstacles (with a couple outliers they actually can't do) and then crosses the finish line OR a characters gets better and better at overcoming obstacles, TRIPS, considers whether its worth getting back up bc they're likely to lose anyway, see how far they've run, decided that the only way to go is forward, continue running the race, see how much better they've gotten since the beginning then still manage to place top five, feeling more confident about next time.

Notice how the situation where the path to success isn't linear is the more compelling narrative? With the way colopale handled the story, they DONT DO THIS. and its annoying!! I WANT to see them surpass rw and I WANT to enjoy it but I can't do that when it feels like a "main character ends up winning first try!" situation.

It also kinda hurts that their story is more tell instead of show, which already makes it hard to celebrate their progress. Honestly, if they were gonna do this then in LUTF they should've at least made it seem like vbs were close to their goal, maybe make taiga step back a bit like "damn that was actually kinda good wth" or smth idk i need to catch up with the vbs events honestly but i have a good enough idea about them to be able to say this confuses me :"//

There's a reason this story structure has been used over and over and it's because it WORKS. It doesn't matter how much I like the mc and want them to succeed if it doesn't feel warranted I'm still not gonna be able to enjoy it. "vbs is popular the fans will love it no matter what we put out!" no. A bad story can ruin good characters, no matter how much fans love them, and vice versa.

I saw someone say that this event should've been them being told that they're ready to surpass rw, on they're closer than ever to surpassing rw which i feel like, if they didn't wanna go for the depression route, would've been a better direction! Their next arcs could've then been each of them overcoming their own greatest struggles regarding their dream, stuff that's been bothering them since/before main story and how they overcome it now that they're in a place to. THEN we can talk about getting to rw.

I just hope the next vbs event gives some devastating aftermath or side effects or smth to balance it out, and they should probably slow down the story a bit as well from here on out, but that's just my thoughts ://

[scarlet--wiccan]

Since you play the sims… Do you have any coherent thoughts on like, the sims 4 from a Romani perspective? I know the earlier games had some pretty bad racism (npc called g slur like it’s their job; living in vardos) but I do feel like it uses sort of Romani aesthetics (both more realistic ways and stereotypical) in a lot of places

They’re probably adding tarot to the game next month (which isn’t exactly exclusively Romani) but it is one of those things that is like, very linked to Romani stereotypes (similar with the ghost pack with the crystal ball etc). I doubt I’m articulating myself well, I apologize. I was wondering if you had any thoughts about this or if I’m just being oversensitive

I have far less experience with the Sims franchise than you might be thinking. I didn't play any of the games growing up, and I didn't start playing The Sims 4 until some time last year. And to be honest, I don't even play it that often-- I really like the character creation and building houses and stuff, but I don't do much actual gameplay, so there's a lot of material that I just haven't encountered.

I am aware that so-called "gypsies" were a recurring element in previous installments-- it seems like they mostly show up as NPCs in historical or fantasy-inspired settings, and they usually operate as matchmakers or fortunetellers. Although such caricatures are fortunately absent from TS4, "boho" is an established decor category in Dream Home Decorator, and similar aesthetics, along with fortune-telling related items, can be found in downloadable content such as the Paranormal Stuff Pack. It's hard to divorce that sort of thing from Romani stereotypes or exploitation, even when it is reduced to little more than a cosmetic detail. This week, EA put out a tarot-inspired teaser video for some upcoming DLC-- I don't know if any of the actual content will be related to fortune-telling, but this sort of thing is really, really common during the Halloween season. You kinda can't avoid it.

How do I feel about it? These tropes and stereotypes are omnipresent in American media. I would be shocked if a franchise that's been around as long as The Sims didn't have racially-insensitive fortune-teller characters at some point, and speaking as someone who runs a Marvel Comics blog, I think I'd a be a hypocrite if I tried to condemn them for it. One of my main goals has always been to give people the tools to recognize anti-Romani racism in art and media, and to determine how to best discuss and engage with that material moving forward. Being able to call out earlier entries, and have sensitivity to where certain aesthetics come from and how you use them in your own gameplay is a good start. Unless the developers decide to bring back overtly racist characters, like those in previous entries, I'm not going to spend my time and energy accusing The Sims 4 of anti-Romani bigotry.

Part of this detached perspective comes from the fact that TS4 is literally free to play. You can choose to purchase DLC, but you're not obligated to, and most players use mods and custom content made by independent creators. So, in my mind, the game is sort of an open market, and I spend a lot more time engaging with individual creators and their content than the actual developers. If I was actually active in the Sims community, a lot of my critique and awareness-spreading would probably be directed towards players and modders, rather than the contents of the base game.

On a related note-- boycott Overwolf and CurseForge, and any modders who are still using them!

[himevampirechan]

"Part-Time Job" 

Thanks for the great welcome to this fanfic. i really hope you enjoy the new chapter. I must add this is a kind of AU fanfic but you will find canon subjects in it. Please, enjoy.

Chapter 2 

"That's all for today, don't forget to study for next week's exam" The teacher picked up his notes and left the classroom.  

Once the sliding door closed the students jumped out of their seats to gather around and chat. Anzu began to hastily put her things away, the class had gone on too long.  

"Mazaki!" shouted one of her classmates waving her hands at her "Some of the guys in the group are planning a karaoke outing would you like to join us?"  

"I'd love to Tachibana..." Anzu smiled touched at the girl's friendly face "... But I can't, sorry". 

Tachibana, whose appearance was more that of a girl with huge green eyes and black hair, dropped her shoulders sadly.  

"But Mazaki You hardly ever go out with us!" She exclaimed looking at Anzu with a downcast pout "You don't like us?"  

"No, it's not that!" Anzu rashly denied in shock at the tears beginning to form in her little companion's eyes. The brunette panicked, feeling the rest of the students watching them interested in the conversation. 

"It's just that... I have an engagement" She clarified, turning her gaze back to Tachibana. The little black-haired girl opened her eyes in interest.        

"A date?!" she shouted excitedly changing her mood drastically. Anzu felt herself blush.  

"No, it's not..." She tried to explain averting her gaze and trying to put away the rest of her belongings with trembling hands.        

"Do we know him?" the brunette continued to ask, unaware of the curious glances around her.  

"It's not that kind of date!" Anzu exclaimed increasingly embarrassed. 

"No problem!" Crooned Tachibana clapping with both hands and smiling sweetly "If Mazaki has a date, we understand."  

"I told you it's not that kind of commitment" She smiled grabbing her stuff and running out of the classroom.  

"Good luck with your boy Mazaki!" her classmate effusively dismissed her. Anzu laughed self-consciously and shook her head slowly, that girl had a reputation for being nosy. 

Once outside the university, Anzu thought how nice it would be to have the afternoon off. It had been a long time since she had taken a break, she had been going from job to job for more than two years now, she knew she would need a lot of money if she wanted to accomplish her goals. 

"I don't have anyone to support my dreams after all," She thought. 

She gave a long sigh knowing that if she kept reminiscing she would only ruin her afternoon, and the last thing she wanted was to do her favourite activity in a bad mood.  

"It doesn't matter if no one supports me" Anzu smiled once she made it to her destination stopping to take a breath "I won't give up!" 

She pushed her arm against the glass door above which read in elegant cursive handwriting: 

"DOMINO CITY'S DANCE ACADEMY 

(...) 

"Do you have any questions?" Sugoroku asked finishing filing some documents.  

"Not really" replied the boy shaking his head "Marik already took care of explaining everything to me yesterday."  

Sugoroku smiled softly, he liked the boy. At first he had doubts as he didn't seem to be the best choice for a security guard, but he had proven to have a lot of enthusiasm and physical strength, so the older man was sure he would be helpful.  

"Remember also that there will be a girl working with you." He mentioned for the tenth time that night, and once again the boy seemed oblivious: he hummed a tune, tossing the keys to the workers' quarters over and over again.  

Mr. Mutou sighed as he saw him slump back in his chair trying to catch the keys.  

"I'm sure she'll be able to control you," he whispered softly as he watched the boy writhe on the floor in a fit of giggles, "Besides..." 

"Looks like you've piqued his curiosity too" he thought watching out of the corner of his eye as a shadow entered the room. He recalled for a moment the events of fate involving the new museum workers.  

(...) 

"It was a relief that Miss Ishizu showed up" Mr. Mutou spoke with a huge sigh "Marik is a good boy, but sometimes he's a bit of a beast". 

Anzu laughed loudly cheered by the hope of a new job.    

Mr. Mutou continued to chat as he guided her through the museum. The brunette looked around with interest.  

"Until a few years ago the museum was focused on the history of Shogunist Japan and the Meiji period, however, little by little the museum grew and now we have sections on different civilisations," Sugoroku explained, pointing to a room that was filled with European paintings and armour.     

"A couple of years ago a friend of mine passed the museum on to his grandson and as he was always obsessed with Egypt, he was the one who brought the latest exhibition. He and Miss Ishizu have been partners ever since," continued the old man up two flights of stairs.  

"It must be wonderful to be able to inherit a museum!" Anzu exclaimed, following closely behind him, focused on observing the design of the ceiling and walls "He's a very lucky man". 

Mr. Mutou stopped abruptly not caring that the girl was so close to him, Anzu crashed against his back and lowered her gaze in confusion. The man was staring at her as if she had said something unthinkable.  

"Mr. Mutou?" the girl asked, tilting her face to one side "Are you ok...?" 

Sugoroku began to laugh uproariously, his laughter forcing him to fold in on himself and he had to hold on to the railing to keep from falling.  

"HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA!" Snorted the old man noisily. For long seconds Anzu watched as the old man struggled to regain his composure, once the laughter turned to small giggles the old man looked at her.  

"I'm sorry, Anzu," he exclaimed wiping away the tears that had come from laughing so hard, "It's just that the owner of the museum is about your age."  

The old man had to hold his breath to keep from laughing at her expression. The girl's mouth had fallen unhinged.  

Laughing quietly Sugoroku averted his gaze from the girl and sensed a presence walking behind him. 

"It seems Anzu has piqued his curiosity" He thought smiling over his shoulder at the unseen presence.   

"We'd better hurry" He exclaimed quickly turning his gaze back to the girl and snapping her out of her astonishment. "You'll get a chance to meet that useless Ryugi later." 

"Oh? Yeah" the girl replied still a bit blankly, blinking amusedly. 

"I'm sure you'll get along well, because you're the same age" commented the old man as he started to climb the rest of the stairs "you just have to be very careful, the guy's a real casanova!" 

The old man's affectionate laugh made Anzu smile. Surely Mr. Mutou was fond of the boy.  

"And you Mr. Mutou?" she asked following him again "How did you end up working here?"      

"Mmmmm well..." Started the old man leading her this time down a long corridor that seemed to no longer be part of the exhibits. There were lots and lots of doors and Anzu was sure they were offices.  

"As I told you before, the old owner of the museum was a good friend of mine," he said quietly. "We knew each other for years, so when it was time for me to retire from the excavations, Otogi simply offered me the job." 

"Excavations?" the chestnut asked rather interested. She watched as Mr. Mutou stopped in front of the last door in the corridor and slowly opened it. 

"Well..." He smiled waving him into the room "...we archaeologists age too." 

Anzu smiled back and entered the room. The room was huge. It smelled of old wood and ink.  

Anzu slid her eyes along the shelves lined to the ceiling with books and encyclopaedias, walked to the back of the office and gazed in wonder at the window overlooking the central garden of the museum. There was a solid wooden desk and behind it a red leather chair in which her next boss would sit. It was a nice, tidy room, nothing like the dingy room where the manager of Burger World sat yelling at her.  

Anzu's face lit up as she noticed a painting hanging on the wall to her right. She could have recognised it anywhere, that image was one of her oldest memories, she had always liked how they had captured the beauty of ballet in it.    

"Chernikova" she whispered unconsciously reaching out to touch the painting.  

"You like art?" someone whispered behind her back snapping her out of the reverie the painting had lulled her into. 

Embarrassed she spun around quickly finding the young brunette from a few minutes ago smiling kindly at her, she blushed as she saw that Mr. Mutou was hiding a chuckle at her expression.  

"No... Not really" she stammered lowering her eyes self-consciously "... But that specific painting I like". 

No one said anything else but when Anzu raised her face she found the young woman inviting her to take a seat with a smile.  

"Please take a seat Miss Anzu" She said rounding the huge desk and sitting on the leather chair "Let's talk about the job you came to ask for".  

Anzu smiled and took a seat across from her. Mr. Mutou bowed slightly and left the room quietly. Once outside he could sense the presence that had followed them from the stairs.  

"She's quite a pretty girl don't you think so?" he exclaimed smiling hugely, a slight air moved his hair and he felt the presence leave. 

"I never imagined you were shy Your Highness" He shouted into the air laughing loudly. 

(...)   

"Mr. Mutou" called the boy sitting up with a hand on the blond head, snapping him out of his memories. "What is the other matter Miss Ishizu mentioned?"  

Sugoroku felt the presence pause and was almost certain it was watching him.  

"Well..." he replied scratching his beard in a distracted gesture "...We'll talk about that when your companion arrives."  

Almost immediately they could hear someone approaching with hurried footsteps towards where they were. 

"Speaking of the king of Rome" (*) smiled the old man walking towards the door with the intention of greeting the newcomer "Get up boy! What manners are those?" 

The blond frowned and grumbled in obedience. Once on his feet he dusted off his clothes and waited with his hands in his pockets for Mr. Mutou to return and introduce him to his companion. 

For an instant he felt as if someone was staring at him but there was no one else in the room and that sent shivers down his spine.  

"Ghosts" he thought turning pale, he shook his head energetically trying to convince himself that it was just his imagination. Suddenly he heard the door open and with it came the voice of Mr. Mutou.  

"Well little one, it's about time you met your new co-worker" exclaimed the old man excitedly. The girl's voice was too low so the boy couldn't hear clearly what she was saying.  

"Of course he already knows that you will be working together" Sugoroku laughed "In fact we were waiting for you because there is something else I need to explain to you before you start your shift."  

There was no response, but the blond deduced that the girl had agreed. The door opened giving way to the old man and with him entered a young girl about his age.  

"Well I'd better introduce you..." The old man began, but fell silent once he saw the faces of both boys. They were frozen and several seconds passed in which they looked at each other in surprise.  

"JONOUCHI/ANZU?!" they shouted at the same time pointing at each other as if they couldn't believe it. 

(...)

Until next time :D

[echoweaver]

New Year's Resolutions 2024

Thanks to @nocturnalazure for tagging me!

Also, anyone else I might've missed. 😢 I don't know if there's a way to distinguish being tagged on a post vs on a comment in tumblr, but it would be helpful when I know I was tagged a bit ago, but I don't remember by whom.

What's your resolution for your simblr?

OK, I guess I have some categories of goals.

Modding resolution: Release the Warriorcats Mod.

This mod is really close to done, but I'm in animation muck. I both hate seeing animations look bad AND I'm not an animator. For training interactions, I need multi-sim animations where one sim observes while the other acts, and when I tried to do this, I realized that I have a lot to learn before I can make this do what I want. I need one more good run in a geeky minset, and this thing will be read to at least release as beta.

This thing is bottlenecking other smaller mod ideas. I'm proud of it, and I want to finish it. But the turn of the year has been really bad for high-effort hobby energy.

For those who have sent me asks about this mod, I am going to say something that you should absolutely not apply any other modder, including me, for anything else. Bugging me about this (in a nice way!) is probably the best way to get it finished. Hearing from folks who use my pets mods makes my heart sing. Knowing that someone cares is the best source of positive energy I have.

It's a new year, and some very high-stress stuff in my personal life has improved. I know can do this in 2024.

In my points of low mood, I have wondered if there's even any point to finishing something this high-effort for a game this old. But, like Minecraft, TS3 never seems to die. 2022-3 was actually a modding renaissance. I have built some interest in TS4 at the end of this year, but it hasn't made me even a little bit interested in abandoning TS3. So I'm going to do my best to set that demotivating nonsense aside.

Gaming resolution: Finish the Samples.

I can't believe I actually wrote that, but it could happen in 2024. Generation 8 is starting in gameplay, and in a 10-generation legacy, this is the last "complete" generation.

I will never do another 10-generation anything. There are two many different and interesting

Blogging resolution: Catch the Wonderlands up to the present.

I stopped playing halfway through Gen 3. I originally started posting this challenge on tumblr during Gen 2 when I created this simblr some horrifying number of years ago. Gen 1 was all on Wordpress and is new to the simblr. I've been reluctant to play forward on the challenge until I can bring the simblr with it.

2. What do you want from the sims franchise?

Haha. That's a complicated question. I think I may always be a TS3 player at my core. I send retroactive apologies to every TS2 players I looked askance at ten+ years ago. With that in mind, I can't reasonably expect much of anything from EA on my core hobby.

My pie-in-the-sky dream would be a 64-bit update for TS3 on Windows. That's not completely impossible, but it doesn't look likely to happen.

I'm keeping an eye on Project Rene. EA has given a good sense that they learned from the player response to TS3 & 4, and 5 could be a good synthesis. OTOH, the PRIMARY ask I have from them is 100% offline play, and I don't have a lot of hope. Though EA made the commitment to offline play for TS4, they've been clawing it back by inches over the years, and they even quietly made it impossible to install fresly-downloaded TS3 store content on 1.67. I'm fighting hard to keep my TS3 game at 1.67 because I want to be able to play on airplanes and in places I simply cannot log in. I don't give a !@#$ whether EA can validate my license. They're making enough money. They can stuff it in their butts. So, with that said, I am just assuming that TS3 1.67 is going to be the core of my fandom for the forseeable future, but my mind isn't closed. If TS5 is otherwise awesome, I can branch out.

My biggest hope for the franchise is from the fandom -- that the TS3 modding renaissance will continue. We keep renewing this old game, and as it continues to be renewed, there continue to be amazing fun new ways to play it. Thank you folks so much.

3. Any other new year's resolution?

Getting my Hobbit fanedit accepted by the Fanedit Academy at fanedit.org.

Heh. So, I have a very long drama story about my fanediting hobby. I flamed off the fanedit.org community when I attempted to submit my first edit years ago (The Hobbit, which should surprise exactly nobody who has looked at fanedits). I was floored when, in 2023, I was contacted by the head of that site to apologize for that situation and ask me to resubmit. It appears that my treatment by the reviewers prompted him to clean house and build a more welcoming community. Wow.

So, now my very first edit is under review by the "Faneditors Academy," which is the primary way to reach new viewers and gain feedback in this hobby. The site leader is involved in my review, but one of the reviewers is one of guys who treated me badly the first time, and he's complex to work with -- there's an undercurrent of him trying to justify rejecting me without a review the first time. I am determined to see this review through to the end. I am very proud of this edit. Also, the feedback is definitely leading me to take it the next level.

But I'll be honest -- working through the criticism and revisions is one reason I haven't touched the Warriorcats mod in months. I need to clear my mind and my plate to really focus on addressing feedback, and the criticism level makes that draining.

[Sharing from personal life -- another reason my modding dropped off is that this winter my trans wife came out to my socially conservative parents. We are not disowned, but it's been complicated and emotionally draining. Lighthearted play with stream-of-consciousness commentary is about as deep as I've been able to go for months.]

[hannahs-fieldnotes]

Vision Board

Notes:

Find a best friend. This goal is probably the most important to me but also the most difficult. I have a hard time with people. Hugging – even family – is really hard for me. I am super shy and there is no one I am really close to. I do have people I consider friends, but even with them, I am not at ease. This has always been the case. I don't know why. Not sure how, but I will try to force myself to form relationships with people I admire and maybe i will find someone i can trust, talk freely with and take on any adventure without worry.

I really want a group of friends I can hang out with, have fun and just feel like i belong. Right now when i am invited to group events i have a hard time talking, i feel clumsy, boring and like an outsider.

I want to eat healthier. This is probably one of the standard goals everyone has on their lists. Right now, I have no discipline or rules. I want to learn more about what I am consuming and its effects on my body and the environment. One of the main goals is to gain control over my sugar addiction. Another goal is to eat and drink more things i really love (like fresh orange :drool:) - even if they are more expensive and/or take more effort to prepare.

I definitely need to drink more. I've always had a hard time staying hydrated because I don't get thirsty often. I can go a day without drinking, only realizing I need to water when I have a headache the next day. I need to work on tracking my water intake and make it a habit to drink regularly, as it doesn't come naturally to me.

More city trips. I want to explore my country and Europe a bit more next year. I plan to do some short city trips, either alone or with a friend. On my list for this year are Paris, France, and Prague, Czech Republic. Additionally, I'd love to visit Mont Saint Michel, Barcelona, Chamonix, and many more. This category also includes attending events like concerts and festivals. Do you maybe have any beautiful city suggestions in Europe for me?

I want to go on a sailing adventure. My family already owns a very small boat, and I've been a few times with a university club, but I haven't learned much yet. My goal is to get the license and knowledge to steer a small dinghy and spend at least one summer traveling with it. While I might not be able to take lessons or sail this year, I can already work on the theoretical knowledge needed, mainly navigation and knots, to pass the exam.

Spend more time outside (in nature). Since I spend so much time on the computer and on my phone, I want to work on going outside more. I have a hammock I used to sleep in outside – maybe I can start doing that again. I also want to go camping more frequently, even just for a weekend to prepare for upcoming big hikes like e.g. E4.

Take more pictures. I used to take my camera everywhere and often visit locations because I heard they would be beautiful. At some point last year I stopped taking pictures. I think it was a good habit, since it also helped me remember all the cool stuff i did.

I will also go running again outside. Another activity i kinda stopped doing at some point but miss. Right now i am working on a training routine which will hopefully prepare me to run a half marathon again in a few months.

Adopt a dog. My dream is to one day adopt a dog. When I looked for puppies last year, I fell in love with a big white "ice bear". I wanted to call her Greta. Right now, a dog does not fit into my life, but maybe I can prepare. I will try to help out at the local animal shelter and work on passing the exam that will allow me to own a big dog.

Be more conscious about the environment. I see all the terrible things happening in the world and also how much trash I create. I know there is a lot more to do, but I will try to think about ways to make the world a better place starting with my own life.

Read more and stay up-to-date with what's going on in the world. I recently started reading books again and want to make it a habit. I will also try to stay informed by reading news articles now and then. If I can afford it, maybe I can subscribe to a daily news website.

Find a home. Right now i don't have a place i feel safe and at home at. My goal is to move into my own place with my boyfriend. I also need to organize and declutter my stuff which is all over the place and pure chaos atm. Let me know if you're interested in a post about this journey.

Get a job in the field I love and improve my skills. I finished my university degree this summer. I haven't found a job yet but hope I will soon.

Take notes and be more creative. I have a sketchbook and a list of creative things I want to learn/try out. Also, this blog is something I always wanted to start. I hope you like it, and I hope I will be able to keep posting! Feel free to dm me anything you think I could do better or let me know your thoughts in general ���.

What are your goals this year and how does your vision board look? I am wayy too curious...

[dextivefanart]

Where is This Week's Wonders of Earth?

In case you're here checking my profile for this week's Wonders of Earth: I am currently recovering from a minor surgery.

While I do have a buffer, and it is for this kind of situation, I didn't enjoy making it. So, I won't enjoy replenishing it. Drawing a bunch of comics at once is just not fun to me. (Note: I do enjoy creating comics. It's just the process of making a buffer specifically I don't like.)

The buffer is not something I would use unless I don't upload for more than two weeks for whatever reason. So even if I do end up still not having the energy to catch it up next week, the upload will still continue until it runs out, but I should be able to catch up by then, since I work five issues ahead of time.

I'm recovering well, and the surgery shouldn't keep me down and away from drawing for more than a week. I'm thinking of making a cute little image of my sona in bed having the classic cartoon visual cues of "sick" to indicate not keeping up with weekly social media duties due to not feeling well. Either it be a spell of depression, a cold, or even future medical procedures.

The last surgery I ever want to go through in my life is a breast removal surgery for more comfort in my skin. I'm a transmasc, and while my dysphoria isn't BAD, I'm still grossed out by my chest, and I wear binders and tight sports bras every time I go out - tight sports bras being for more physically intensive outings. I never stopped compressing my chest, which I think is a good indicator that breast removal would be a positive for me. Plus, my various mental health problems could be correlated with what dysphoria I do have with the connection having never been made. So if I ever get lucky and get that surgery, there will definitely be a pause in the "getting ready for the surgery" stage so that way the buffer is ready for uploading while I recover. Whether or not I'd be able to actually use my computer and upload from the buffer, especially early on in the recovery, is a different story.

I'll probably make top surgery a Ko-fi goal if my art career starts being profitable. Which profiting off my work is the dream. Definitely overdue for pushing commissions, ko-fi, and my shop again soon. It's just so hard finding the balance between actual content and pushing the self-promo parts, especially since algorithms hate the self-promos. I want to do it offline as well (going to vendor markets and such), but I need a part-time job to fund that. Which...the job market is a mess.

But yeah, no Wonders of Earth this week. There will be one next week one way or another. Feel free to message me if you want to know more about the ways to support me and pay for what I do.

I might be good enough for doing my Wednesday Minecraft stream, though. I'll see how I feel tomorrow. So, expect a profile post going over the streaming stuff soon.

Just know that if you ever get surgery, depression, or other things that could interrupt your life: PITCH will always be there to cheer you up and show you how great things are. Even if it's not in the form of a new wonder, older issues will always be available. I'll likely compile the series into a PDF once it's finished and sell digital copies for a small amount of money. So that way, there will always be easy access even if all the websites it's on is shut down.

But right now, the best way to access old issues is through Pixiv (save for the Music wonder due to it being a playlist - PITCH's playlist in universe. But I'll happy give the link to the playlist to anyone who asks for it.) Pixiv just has a good comic categorization system where you can click on someone's series, and it'll show you the releases without having to sort through other posts to dig the issue you want up.

This is the Wonders of Earth Pixiv page: "Wonders of Earth "/"Echo Dextive" Series [pixiv]

[starshine-valley]

Relationship chart for the OG Units but in my prsk unit swap au!! (If you’re confused, check my info on each unit for the AU!!)

Wonderlands x Showtime

“An absurd girl who screams a lot in my shows…” <-> “Wah~! That’s Toya-kun’s friend~?! He’s so cool~!”

“A childhood friend who she’s proud of, a fan from the sidelines.” <-> “Glad she overcame her fear, hopes she can still achieve her dream.”

“Interesting Inventions, extreme guy…” <-> “Fast growing star, it’s admirable.”

“She’s loud… why does she always appear in our school?” <-> “She sings so good~! She should star in the Wonder Stage sometime!”

“Saki’s new friend! A bit mysterious and shy but at least she’s there for Saki!” <-> “Saki’s older brother, right? How does she stand him…”

“Can Rui-kun make me into a robot?! It can be called Robo-Emu!” <-> “She’s certainly a dreamer, her energy is contagious”

More More Jump

“Haruka-chan! Please come to one of our shows one day!” <-> “Would you still support me even now? Thank you, Minori.”

“Still jealous of her but is slowly letting it go.” <-> “Airi-chan’s changed, it’s nice to know she’s being recognized for what she wants.”

“A strict senpai but proud of her successes” <-> “I appreciate you being a fan of me… even though I’m not like who I was before.”

“A great idol… something that i didn’t deserve to be.” <-> “Haruka-chan was amazing… so why…?”

“An idol in front of my eyes?! GUTS, Shizuku-chan!” <-> “hehe~ Minori-chan’s one of my biggest supporters!”

“Haruka… Something’s bothering you… why did you run away from your dream?” <-> “Proud of her growth as a street performer, happy people are seeing her talents.”

Nightcord at 25:00

“Mafuyu? She’s smiling but something’s off…” <-> “I thought only Otori-San was able to see through it.”

“She acts a lot like Emu. Hopefully, she isn’t… too much like her.” <-> “likes to tease her a lot, it’s fun to mess with her~!”

“Has never been to Phoenix Wonderland but loves her art and likes how bright it is.” <-> “Kanade… even you like my art? I must be lucky then…”

“She likes a lot of cute stuff… She really is fit to be in Hinomori-San’s group.” <-> “Is she really in a theater troupe? Never woulda guessed it!”

“Your group’s music has a unique style to it. It’s intriguing.” <-> “listens to her songs sometimes while training!”

“Costar in her theater troupe, her acting is okay…” <-> “Annoying costar who thinks everything is just average.”

Vivid Bad Squad

“Fellow bandmate, always there to pick her up where she lacks!” <-> “Doesn’t know where she’d be without her best bud right by her side.”

“Tsukasa-Senpai talks about him a lot, i’m glad he has a partner to rely on.” <-> “He shows up at our concerts for Tsukasa-Senpai and Tsukasa-Senpai drags me to his shows at Phoenix Wonderland, seems like a good guy.”

“Such a good performer! I love it when he acts on Wonder Stage!” <-> “Azusawa-San flatters me, Am i really that good?”

“Kind of pissed at her for not sticking to her goal to surpass RAD Weekend.” <-> “Glad he found a partner when she couldn’t, hopes he surpasses RAD Weekend for him and her.”

“Shinonome-kun seems kind of serious… He must be very determined.” <-> “Constantly questioning her commitment to her band and isn’t convinced that she can grow.”

“She’s lively, perhaps I can use this to better my bonds with my troupe.” <-> “Kohane took me to his shows! He’s really good!”

Leo/Need

“Haven’t heard from her in a long time, Would she still want to talk to me?” <-> “Ichika-chan is starting a band… just like what we always wanted to do…”

“Feels guilty about not speaking to her, asks Shizuku for updates on her.” <-> “Aren’t on speaking terms despite Shizuku’s requests.”

“I’m starting a band and sticking to it, just like you wanted.” <-> “Listens to her band’s music from time to time, won’t admit it.”

“Is one step away from barging into Kanade’s house to talk to her.” <-> “Yoisaki-San tells me all about her, she was in a very rough path…”

“Kind to everyone, but is still extremely hard on herself.” <-> “I hope her bandmates are treating her well, she deserves the most.”

“Performs with Onii-chan, shows up to her shows when she’s out of the hospital.” <-> “Doesn’t want to interact with her, tries not to listen to Tsukasa’s lectures about her.”

[nerves-nebula]

Oh boy, that last comic really made me sad/pos

As you said, it changes everything and it changes nothing, they'll probably start being paranoid about any interaction Leo and Splinter have going foward

They will look at how happy Leo is to spend time with him and just wonder how he is able to do it, then again that's what grooming does to you. You might hate it, be disgusted by it, be afraid of it and the person but you still spend time with them because you are used to it

Leo has a survivor streak, But it's directed mostly to himself as self-preservation. What would he get from running away? Unlike his brothers he doesn't want to go away from everything he knows and deems "safe" because of how isolated he is from them

He has no friends(Like Raph)or someone who cares for him more than at à very basic level (Like Mikey and Donnie who have eachother and Raph)

He might be their sibling and he cares for them at à minimun because even when he is told how little they should mean to him Splinter also makes them "important enough" that he wants to keep them with him

I guess I just see myself in her but very different because even when I found out what my abuser was doing was wrong I stayed well into adulthood to protect my siblings since my abuser fixation was me(I used to daydream they would one day say I was "too old" but that never happened)

Had to fake I cared and they were very delulu about my feelings and our "relationship" which started when I was a literal toddler, didn't want to endanger my siblings until I got all of us out and they never knew what was going on, I've never told anyone even when the bitch kicked the bucket

And I guess Leo would have been the same? I can't see him opening up because he want to about it, he would rather be in denial than see herself that way

leo WOULD rather be in denial, but unfortunately one of the things his brothers required for them to not abandon him was to work on his emotions. he does talk about it eventually, but not as extensively as some of his brothers. he mostly just acknowledges it and sometimes brings it up if its relevant to current emotions, but most of that trauma is saved for THERAPYYYY BABYYY

GUH I love ur reading of leo here its really fun to see all the stuff you pick up on and how you related to her mindset

ugghghghhh this ask is making me dream about the farm house arc. if i ever get around to it that might be the next Big Comic, or, alternatively, the next Big Fic (after I finish caracal carousel) (which lets be honest at this point its going to take a LOT of time to do)

though I kind of think I need to develop the PLOT/world/background cast more because they would play into how The Boys end up at the farm house. And the turtles fighting Shredder is what makes them work more as a team and get closer as siblings- so i should really get on it with designing shredder and his goals and shit. GUH.

sidenote: I'm sorry you went through that, and I'm glad the BITCH is dead. I know how fucking hard it is to decide between your own safety and your siblings safety and frankly doing what you did sounds hellishly difficult.

[thedreadmachine]

We're here.

Hello Tumblr fam. I'm Alin (@allhailalin), the executive editor of an indie magazine you've probably never heard of (The Dread Machine). We've been publishing dark speculative short stories and poetry since 2020.

We mostly toil in obscurity. We've never won any awards, nor are we ever featured in reviewer blogs. Our marketing game apparently sucks, because nothing we've tried has worked.

As a niche-within-a-niche, we knew profitability was a pipe dream, but we hoped we'd be able to build a solid community and make something awesome together. We've succeeded in that respect. Our Discord server is considered one of the friendliest and most welcoming in the indie publishing space. Our web metrics are bonkers. However, our financial performance sucks, so we've had to stop publishing stories for free in an effort to boost print and digital subscription sales.

I fucking hate this change. I hate that our stories and poetry aren't being read and shared all over the internet. I hate having to "sell" what we're doing. Each quarterly issue costs us between $1,700 and $2,400 to make, so it's not even like it costs a fortune to do this. Our failure to cover even half of our expenses after three years is pretty upsetting, because we know people value what we're doing...they just don't value it enough to help ensure its continuation.

Indie publishers are being taken for granted, and this is why we're all dying off.

Currently, we pay $0.05/word for original fiction and $10 per poem. My goal was to increase our rates to $0.08/word in January of this year, but we're not in a position to increase our overhead any further.

So, I'm here to let you know we exist, and we'd love if you joined us. If you're into writing, science fiction, cyberpunk, slipstream, synthwave, pixel art, video games, and TTRPGs, you should come hang out with us in our Discord server. Maybe consider subscribing or supporting us on Patreon or Ko-fi. Follow us on Kickstarter so you can be alerted when we get desperate enough to run a campaign. You can also follow me on Tumblr, if you like Disco Elysium fan art and synthwave stuff.

Idk man. We're just a bunch of punk asses doing the best we can to keep written art alive. Join us if you're into it. Reblog this and we'll love you forever.

[sophia-sol]

Paladin's Faith, by T. Kingfisher

Any book by Ursula Vernon (the author behind the Kingfisher penname) will have certain features, and those inherent features are ones that keep me coming back book after book to everything she writes. I love how she does worldbuilding, and I love her practical get-things-done heroines, and I love how everything's always grounded in the odd specific annoyances of what it would actually be like to be in the fantastical circumstances she writes about. And she does SUCH good road trips! So many opportunities to run into fun NPCs and cool regional worldbuilding!

I'm not quite the right audience for her paladin romances, unfortunately -- I think because I just get too irritated by the depth and breadth of their ability to feel guilty about absolutely everything. But I keep reading them because I'm having fun with everything else anyway, and because the wider arc of the business with the dead god fascinates me, and we get a bit more about it every book!

This book, though, feels to me a little less successful than the previous paladin romances in the series. It feels a bit too much to me like several different books squished into one, I think, instead of like multiple strands of the same book, and I just don't love all of those books.

There's the one where Marguerite is trying to get herself free of the Red Sail by finding the missing artificer and leaking the plans for the salt-making mechanism and thereby destabilizing the economy of the whole region, and there's the one with the Dreaming God's paladins and the Saint of Steel's soul-scarred ex-paladins dealing with the demon who wants to be a god, and there's the one about the romance between Marguerite and Shane.

The first one is a perfectly good spy plot, not really my go-to genre of book but fun enough, and I do enjoy the temple of the white rat being willing to meddle in these things.

The second one is FASCINATING to me and I want to think about the implications forever and I want more details!!!

The third one is….yet another guilt-ridden paladin romance………also featuring a spy who doesn't trust anyone but just KNOWS in her HEART that she can trust HIM and he's the exception to everything about how she's conducted her life. It's just really really not my kind of romance story. Also both of them are extremely allosexual and are continually having their higher brain functions disabled by how attractive the other person is and it just seems comically over-the-top to me, an ace person who Doesn't Get It. (okay I AM charmed by the type of kinky not-quite-bondage that Shane turns out to be really into when Marguerite is like, ok I gotta find SOME way of achieving good sex with this guy who can't get out of his own head about anything.)

I'm sure the romance part of the book is good for some people! but that's um. not what I read Kingfisher romances for, surprise surprise.

So let's go back to the demon who wants to be a god, shall we? I was FASCINATED by Wisdom and by what demons are. And by the implications of what a god is, too, tbh.

Wisdom seems to genuinely care about its followers to some degree, has figured out how to live as a part of the world, has thoughts and feelings and motivations and relationships and goals. It's definitely been doing some worrying stuff, but is it any more evil than a really powerful human can be? What ARE demons, and what makes them appreciably different from gods, in the end, in this world? They clearly CAN have comparable types of bonds with humans if they so choose, and some gods are definitely terrible if I'm remembering stuff from previous books, so why couldn't demons have the possibility of being basically okay.

And what is Hell? It's the place where demons are from, and it's the place where paladins can bind a demon to never be able to leave (if they're powerful enough to manage the binding), and from what little we hear from Wisdom about it, it seems like an undesirable place to be. Wouldn't most folks kind of suck in some respect if their entire prior existence was in a place like Hell?

I really hope this series is going in a direction of non-evil demons tbh! maybe even….some of the major gods today having previously been demons? Maybe the saint of steel was a demon and someone murdered him because of that!

anyway my increasing pro let-demons-be-people agenda means I feel weird at the end of this book about Shane taking up with the Dreaming God in the end, the god who is well known to be virulently anti-demon. Is this god unambiguously a good guy and nothing else?

I'll be very curious to see where this whole plot continues!

[fleabagreact]

Sucks life, sucks McDonald's.

Sylvie runs and gets into the car. It tries a few times but the car insists on not starting. She gets up and slams the door shut.

Loki comes towards her and she knows she won't be able to run away anymore.

⎯

Loki could swear that in his entire life, he had never been as desperate as he was at that moment, standing in front of a McDonald's in the busy center of London in the 70s. And he had been in several situations like that. Not at McDonald's, but in desperate situations. Like when he messed up with magic and his father scolded him harshly, urging Loki to do it again, just to provoke Odin, however much further punishment was certain. Or when Thanos threatened him not to give him an army to take New York, and even take his life, if he didn't follow his part of the agreement and deceive him. Cornered, thinking about how to evade the situation and start cheating all over again. But this was different. Sylvie was not Odin. Sylvie was not Thanos. It was a part of you. Their souls were made of the same stuff and had been brought into alignment to burn together for eons and universes alike. Or just to sit on the grass in a park on Earth, enjoying wine and a cold cuts board.

His mind wandered to unnecessary things, words stuck in him throat. Loki was sweating cold as the night. The eyes met Sylvie's blue ones as well as his. He could get lost in them, he could get lost in her. But at that moment those tired old eyes gave him calm. Sylvie just needed to listen.

"Sylvie-" He started, approaching her. She was standing in front of the truck, her hands covering her face.

“Speak up, Loki. You know how much I hate speeches.” Sylvie tried to be rude. She hated his speeches, or at least the way Loki stalled to achieve his goal. However, she couldn't say he wasn't good with words. Sylvie already knew that little talk so well. She had abandoned speeches after realizing that her life worked better alone. And if she was alone, why talk when she could punch faces and just exchange glances to get what she wanted?

“I love you” Loki yells. Tears are already streaming down his face and making him look crazy. Maybe he is.

“I don't want to,” Sylvie whispers, closing her eyes to keep from bursting into tears. “I can't want. I don't deserve-”

“No, please. I am here. Give a chance.” It's your last try, your last chance. It's a desperate request.

Loki loves her. It is undeniably without discussion. After all, there he has been, giving her hell for weeks. Spending all of her shifts sitting at table 17. Eddie is starting to get irritated.

Sylvie doesn't deserve that pity. She gave up everything for a meaningless, boring life which constantly reminds her of all the souls she has reaped. All in vain. All instruments. That life was never yours. Sylvie thought it wasn't a doll but she was wrong. And she hated it even more.

Loki's weren't born to be heroes after all. It was what she had always heard from the TVA.

She didn't save even one person.

Not herself.

“You know what my answer is.” She says. The voice sounds like Judas in Gethsemane. It is a betrayal of the flesh. “They don't want you, they want me. I wish I never met you Loki. Why the fuck did you steal that damn tesseract? Better they cut you down and left you to live with those variants of yours than they got you involved in this mess.”

Sylvie never wanted to admit that her Glorious Purpose had been in vain. She had the life she dreamed of. Waking up every day with the certainty that tomorrow she would be alive. Living futilely and bucolically, like everyone else in every tiny fold of time and space she opened up. Sylvie had no friends, no loves, no nemesis, never enough time. Now she was about to let go of the only person who understood her chronic loneliness. That could bring fun to her. Eddie didn't matter, neither did Gary.

“Do not say that.” Loki shivered.

“If I never met you, I wouldn't have the chance to lose you. I don't want you to be hurt.”

Loki, you can't care about me, was what she should have said, and explained every situation in her life where she was forced to leave, as if she had never really existed.

It's the chance to.

“I'm already hurt”

And he doesn't give up.

To prove his words, Loki looks at her pleadingly and lowers his head slightly, finding her sweet, familiar lips.

It's a different kiss than that night in the Citadel. She doesn't stop him from exploring her mouth. On the contrary, she brings him to her and pulls his dark hair between her fingers. Kiss him like he deserves to be kissed, as if to promise not to push him away when this is over.

Loki bites her lips trying to find out if it's real. Desire surges through them, a calm, warm flame deep in their mouths.

The futile and bucolic life is not yours. It should be with him, drinking wine, running away from anything that looks like the police, and fucking madly with aliens and gods. Fucking madly with him.

The world is ending. They belong to each other like it or not. Loki and Sylvie face each other with a sad smile. They can't work out. There's something comforting about that.

Sucks life, sucks McDonald's.