#absolutely would have creamed everyone else otherwise lol

[love-fireflysong]

Welp, finally got to play Until Dawn: Rush of Blood last night, and honesty guys? It was such a fun game holy shit. Only took me a little over 2 hours to beat the game, and I totally would have started over and hunted for my missing trophies (cause I have a problem lol) and ‘skittles’ if it wasn’t for the fact that I can only use the vr headset for ~3 hours before it gives me a headache 😢

As expected though, game was chock full of all sorts of ud easter eggs and every time I entered an area of a level and recognized exactly where in the game I was supposed to be or I recognized character models that were being reused I got super giggly. Like you wouldn’t believe the amount of times I blew kisses when ever the psycho entered the scene to try and scare/terrorize me...even when Psycho!Josh was being a complete dick and kept killing me like ten times with his stupid axe as all those Matt’s in clown masks kept throwing molotovs at me lol.

Speaking of Josh, you even kinda sorta play as him maybe? Cause when I looked down to see if I even had a body or if I was just a pair of floating arms with guns, I was 100% wearing Josh’s overalls. Which is interesting, cause during the moments after levels when I’m sitting in a chair in the sanitorium I don’t have a body at all so they really didn’t need to go through all that work imo.

And obviously, they reused character models as previously hinted at by clown mask wearing Matt’s throwing molotov cocktails at me. Got to see all the boys in fact! Whether they were Chris, Cabin!Mike, Sanitorium!Mike, Matt, Regular!Josh, Psycho!Josh, and even Fiddler hilariously enough, they just coming at me in all forms. From wearing clown or pig masks to just being plain ass zombies, they were intent on killing me let me tell you. Sadly, though none of the girls made an appearance 😔 (which is a shame cause I totally think would have loved multiple Ashley’s in a clown mask of her own trying to stab me with scissors, it’s what she would have deserved imo) They didn’t even make little cameo’s as body’s on hooks in the mines like the rest of the guys did for some reason. Closest I got to seeing any of the girls was in the second level, and that’s just because a portion of it has all the doll’s that Josh set up in the dollhouse so I kept seeing their respective dolls over and over again.

The only girls that made any sort of appearance were Hannah and Beth (mostly Hannah obvs lol), and that was mostly for jump scare and horror reasons due to being dead and all. Though for some reason Hannah was wearing a bow in her hair?

(Like don’t get me wrong, even being totally dead and decaying she is rocking that hair bow let’s be real. It’s just such an odd choice, and I have no idea why they felt the need to add that to the character model?)

But seriously, if any of you ever have a chance to play this, I really REALLY suggest you give it a go. It’s a super short game but was so fucking fun oh my god.

Cannot wait to give it another run through tonight!

[copyhanni]

ship ur moots with idols & why

honestly, i was a lil bit nervous to do this but here it is ! it was actually quite fun to do !!

@nishimurasone + sunoo ! i haven’t interacted much with you but you just give off sunshine in a forest vibes ? very much sunoo ( and riki ) simp vibes too

@sainns + sunghoon ! again, haven’t interacted much with you ( i really love your acc tho ) but your theme and all just reminds me of sunghoon ! also, happy birthday !

@stariekis + jungwon ! i just know you have the fattest crush on him. i just know for a fact you smile each time he appears on your screen. uriwon when ?! i need it neowww !

@lilacnini + beomgyu ! idk what lead me to this conclusion but in my brain it works ! beomjen ?! like ?! it just sticks in my brain for some reason 😌

@chaseyikis + jake ! hear me out ! i know you’re riki biased but listen ! sum about you just radiates jake ?! like your mannerisms and stuff just reminds me of him. chase x jake when !? honestly, y’all would be the finest couple ever bsfr ?! ( but ofc, i also ship you with riki too lol )

@kissvrses + chenle / jisung ! i can just imagine it in my brain yk ? like sum about you makes me think you have a fat crush on either of them, if not both 🤔

@sincerelyrki + sunghoon ! another sunghoon ik but like ?! you for sure have a crush on hoon. like ik everyone does but like … you’re unmatched when it comes to hoon ! you both remind me of coffee for some reason too ?? like your vibes are like the way coffee smells.

@stariikis + riki ! one of the biggest riki biased accounts i know frfr ! but like y’all absolutely slay everything y’all do ?! y’all would be the power couple of the century !?

@euncsace + yunjin ! idk but the vibes are just so yunjin coded ?! like the both of y’all are so slay ?? y’all as a couple ( platonic or not ) would eat this world up alive !?

@minhypenalt + jay ! hear me out … jay x selene ?? like … ? that’s one hell of a combination ??! like only someone as fine as selene can be with someone as fine as jay ?!

@okwonyo + wonyoung ! one of the finest writers ever is obv deserving of wony ! and the vibes just give off wony so yeah ! also you both remind me of strawberries and cream ? pls jiahwony whennnn ??

@nishions + heeseung ! i’m pretty sure you’re riki biased but hear me out ! the vibes just radiate heeseung … idk maybe it’s your theme ? maybe i’m trippin but i’m picking up a little crush for heeseung ?

@dollinin + ningning ! i looked through your profile ( i swear i’m not a stalker ) and your reblogs and stuff just gives off ningning !

@nikidiary + maki ! i saw that one anon ask that you posted abt maki and immediately knew maki and you 💯💯 i also totally didn’t stalk your account and saw you biased maki …

@ssunooism + danielle ! you spam me about her all the time … and i know if i shipped you with anyone else, my phone would simply blow up with notifs 😭 but otherwise you guys would be the cutest tgt !

i didn’t get to all my moots so sorry if you aren’t on here :(

[partyinthemysterymachine]

i think everyone who either follows me, interacted with me, or seen me in passing knows by now that i have a very, very exuberant personality, LOL. i'm very vocal about how much i love my work, and my ideas, and my big brain, and my big brain puns. i have a lot of confidence and a lot of pride for my art, and (obviously) GOOMT. and i think for some that might come off as conceit; which, on some basis of its definition, is somewhat true.

because the definition of conceit is "excessive pride in oneself; vain" and, like. chinhands. on one hand, yeah, that sounds about right, doesn't it? but on the other hand, i'd have to disagree. i understand that how i assert my confidence can look something like conceit sometimes (and also that confidence can look like conceit in, or to many people just in general), and i of course understand that i am proud, because i'm allowed to be and i SHOULD be, therefore i am.

but i disagree with "conceit" because of its connotations. "conceited people" are known to be holier-than-thou types, put themselves on plateaus, "my way or the highway", "me me me me me i'm the best and only me" attitudes, etc.. and i really don't want to be seen that way, because i'm not that person.

i'll always say that "fake it 'til you make it" is a legit tactic because i can speak for it personally, lol. i think it's fair to say that especially in the beginning i did go through a very conceited phase, and i think that's normal. it takes a little while to get used to, so experimentation and conceit i think is just a part of the process - so long as you come out of it.

but at this point in my life i like to think i have long since passed that phase of conceit. to be very honest, a lot of what i say in tags or otherwise that allude to me/an idea of mine being "better than everyone else" should be taken as jokes. at the end of the day i do not consider my ideas to be better than everyone else's. my ideas are big brained and HUGE meated, but they are also not all i care about; nor, are they also my ultimate favorites.

that's right: u heard me. there are other ideas out there that actually top my charts. because i have seen so many different headcanons and ideas out there that i would die for. that are SO stupid-huge-meat-brained that i'm literally on my knees begging to know more about please let me pack a bucket of sand from ur sandbox please i'm begging i want to play so bad. i've fallen in love with SO MANY interpretations and AUs and development of ideas and stuff that's faithful to canon and stuff that's canon-divergent and it just. i'm eating it all with my bare hands, smearing it on my face and lying face down in a shallow kiddie pool filled with shaving cream, idk.

the world is a playground and fandom is a jungle gym. i really love seeing people create and interact and i love having so many wonderful headcanons and ideas and discussions and art and fics to look at. i LOVE watching new people come in, or some creators poking their heads in every now and then, LOVE to see the silliness and the more serious works and meeting new people about a new AU. i LOVE it.

we're all equals here, babey; and i see headcanon sharing and i see people being inspired by others and it just feels good, man. sharing and vibing on ideas are good, it blooms discussions and MORE fun. i really really do love seeing people being inspired by one another, it absolutely bursts my brain.

i want to see you create. i want to see you grow, i fucking LOVE to watch creators develop and improve in real time, it literally fills me to the brim with heart emojis. and i hope that everyone knows that i am truly, truly genuine every. single. time. i leave tags and am hype for your work. i am LEGITIMATELY HYPE BABEEEYYY and i want you so, so badly to know that. because you deserve it.

i just want to have fun and i want others to have fun, and i just want to see people build themselves up and really push through all those personal hangups and kneejerk reactions to slap a "sorry my art is bad" "lol i hate this it sucks" disclaimer on their work and just do. not. do it.

have your conceited phase instead. blow yourself up to epic proportions of big-headedness, that's just how it works sometimes; but remember to allow yourself to come down. i've had my own moments of pig-headedness, and i've had my moments of, "ummm excuse me, sweaty, but--" and those are things that will just crop up now and then. no one is perfect. overcoming those instances is important. it's possible to be humbled and grounded and still have a massive amount of pride in yourself, and i like to think that's how i am, because that's how i try to be.

the art of confidence and self-love, and recognizing self-worth is a hard, hard uphill battle that involves many trips and falls and sitting on the slope bawling your eyes out for a minute or ten hours and then patching yourself up and getting back on the trail with a smoothie. this shit ain't easy, and brains are mean.

yes, of course you are allowed to feel upset and down on yourself, and frustrated about not putting out the work you really wanted to, or at a quality you felt you could, or "should" achieve every single time. of course you should vent. but how you act on a public platform does affect how others perceive you and your work, and it's extremely important to understand how you openly act towards your art or yourself also affects your own perceptions of self.

and i guess that's a part of the reason why i do it. i've lived too long being sad and upset and fearful. i want to create and i want to share, and by god you're going to hear about it LOL, because i have worked too hard to clamor over hurdles and let myself get trampled on and cried alone on the bleachers to NOT be loud and proud and genuinely happy with not only MYSELF and MY progress, but OTHERS' work and progress.

i am competing with no one. i'm not here to compete. i do not want to compete. i am not better than anyone else, and we are all equals. i am explicitly here to have fun, and to watch, and want others to have fun - even when it doesn't ever involve me. at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is that i'm in love with how and what people create, just as much, and if not more than how much i'm in love with how and what i create. i want us all to love ourselves and our work and to succeed, whatever that mean to the individual person. that's it.

and considering the friends i've made, the people i talk to even if it's only every now and then, and getting to be a part of a weirdass little fandom that creates so imaginatively and beautifully, and that i get asks in my inbox that i SWEAR i'll around to someday (nervous laughing), that my list of mutuals steadily continues to grow, and all the while i've been growing as a person, as an artist and a writer, and developing this blessed and silly and painfully heartwrenching and based and hahaha >:3c!!!!!!!!!!! ur all in danger glacial slowburn behemoth of a fic that is GOOMT.. yeah, i guess it's safe to say i'm succeeding, LOL.

thanks for sticking it out and reading to the end if you have. i love u, and i love that you've decided to join me on my adventures in however way, and i'm glad to know you. i hope u continue to grow and create and i hope that when you create, you will share with us so i can throw myself on the floor kicking screaming crying throwing up heart emojis and catapulting myself into the sun. because that's like. my favorite pastime, honestly.

anywhoo. back to the GRIIIIINNNDD babey, CHEERS KISS KISS ILU ALL 🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖🙏❤️🥚❤️🥚✨🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚

[crusherthedoctor]

Passing this on ~

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! 💞

Why Can't I Hold All These Sonic Fics.jpg

1. The big one is, unsurprisingly, the story that was formerly known as Sonic & Tails: Beyond the Stars, but is now known as Sonic Stellar. Yes, the former wasn't finished due to morphing into the latter, and the latter hasn't actually appeared on the site yet… and some of the changes made in the transition are almost opposite to how they were initially lol. But if it wasn't obvious from how long I've been working with the frame of this story, it's always been a work of passion for me.

The one-shots helped to warm me up, but with this, I wanted to make a full-on adventure. I wanted to share my portrayals of Sonic, Tails, Amy, Cream, and everyone else used in a context that comes with the textbook thrills, twists, and so on. I wanted to write the biggest, smartest, most ruthless version of Eggman I could, without sacrificing his comedic qualities. I wanted to create an OC that could endear instead of turn away, and help other writers - and critics - understand that it shouldn't be seen as an automatic death sentence for your story. I wanted to create a setting that had its own detail and character, one that could stand tall with the likes of Angel Island and the Little Planet. I wanted to pay the biggest tribute I could to the games. And all of this and more got amplified once IDW kept dropping the ball with all of it again and again and again and again and again and-

There has been stress, with how long I've spent on writing, editing, and re-editing constantly. There have been doubts, particularly when I compare it to what others have done in less time (I've always been self-conscious about not being an artist/animator, so when stuff like @skaruresonic's VN came out, I felt like a clown with how I only have words on a screen to my name). There have been fears of whether all this time spent will even be worth it reception-wise, whether any old readers will still like it after all this time, or if any new readers would see something they like. We can all say we write for ourselves, and that is true for me, because I'm not the kind of person to write something I would absolutely hate just because I have something to prove, but the fact of the matter is that we all want our work to reach out to others. We all want our stories to strike a chord with at least some people beyond just yourself, and to pretend otherwise is illogical, as is painting it as an inherently selfish or unhealthy thing so long as it doesn't consume you. Because if you did it only for yourself, if you didn't want it to connect with anyone else at all… why would you bother sharing it online?

But make no mistake. While I hope my story can appeal to those who could find an appeal in it, it's still firmly my story. I never made it, or spent all this time modifying it, for the sole purpose of appeasing anyone. It's always been my vision, and it should say something that despite all the stress, despite all the second-guessing, and despite all the moments where I've considered doing so when the fears of inadequacy and comparison have gotten too much… I've never gave up on it. Never gave up on Viridonia. Never gave up on Trudy.

2. Christmas Time, Christmas Island - Out of all the one-shots I've made, this is probably the one I'm most satisfied with. We've all had our own interpretations of what Sonic and Eggman's first encounter was like, and I'm happy my interpretation has its fans. I wanted it to have muh feels, but in a way that still portrayed Eggman as an unrelenting bastard that didn't actually care about Sonic. By making the bond seem genuine, it would cut deeper when it turned out to be a ruse cruise. It was also fun to write Sonic's recollection of it to Trudy, as well as her reaction to it.

3. In the Hall of the Would Be King - A deep dive into Eggman's psyche, and all without making him soft. Aside from naturally wanting to apply this treatment to my favourite character of all time, this was made as a stealth prequel to you know what, and despite the differences in the latter's current form as Stellar, it still works pretty well as one.

4. Tails and Amy Talk Things Out - The first one-shot I posted on here. At the time, I was sick to death of everyone hating on Tails to such an insane degree for his controversial Lost World portrayal (remember, there were people trying to petition his removal from the series), so I attempted to look at it from an angle that could feel plausible and in-line with his usual self. Casual interactions between Tails and Amy are also shockingly rare, so…

5. Shadow and Omega Get a Life - There are things I would have done differently if I made this one today, but overall I'm still happy with the intent, and writing Omega was really fun, to the point where I regret that he's not in Stellar since there wouldn't have been much of a role for him with everything else going on. Shout out to me for using the "Shadow looking at objects that briefly make him contemplate Maria without sending him into a breakdown" trope years before it became mainstream.

When will you write something that isn't Sonic, Crusher? I don't know, when will you write something that isn't full of shit, Ian Flynn? Haha gottem.

[capricioussun]

a question for the boys AND you

between pancakes, french toast, and waffles, which do you like best? And what is your favorite toppings? (i may or may not have just made myself some french toast so this is a very relevant question)

You didn’t clarify who so now I have to do everyone how could you do this to me

Sans - pancakes, absolutely. Ketchup and maple syrup because there’s something so, so wrong with him

Papyrus - waffles! With strawberry sauce and whipped cream! =<]

✨

Blue (US Sans) - Waffles, hands down! Loves mixed berry syrup and maybe, maybe mini marshmallows if he’s feeling indulgent

Stretch (US Papyrus) - French toast, because he loves to drown it in maple syrup and honey and powdered sugar with cinnamon mixed in (it’s a good thing monsters teeth can’t rot lol). Will also put ice cream on it if it’s dessert and not breakfast.

💫

Red (UF Sans) - Waffles, no toppings, but he’ll tolerate a little melted butter and powdered sugar (read: prefers it this way but struggles to allow himself to Enjoy Things)

Edge (UF Papyrus) - specifically blueberry pancakes, with a little cinnamon and cloves mixed into the batter, but no toppings except maybe a little maple syrup

💖

Gold (SFM Sans) - French toast, but he prefers it The Fancy Way where you cook sugar on it to give it a crispy crème brûlée style top (bc he’s pretentious /lh), and maybe a little vanilla ice cream…

Copper (SFM Papyrus) - Pancakes that’s are completely unrecognizable with how much stuff is mixed into the batter and then topped with it. Think the spaghetti scene in Elf, but pancakes, and that’s how Copper likes it.

🌟

Haze (FSG Sans) - Waffles, blackberry or mulberry syrup, nothing else.

Ghost (FSG Papyrus) - also waffles, any syrup, doesn’t matter, but it has to be swimming in it. Will also put sriracha on it sometimes.

🌘

Patch (HT Sans) - Waffles, with a lot of butter and maple syrup or honey.

Dove (HT Papyrus) - French toast! But prepared very simply and with only a very light dusting of powdered sugar

⚡️

Coal (HS Sans) - Waffles with whipped cream and fresh fruit and sprinkles! He especially loves the little star shaped sprinkles =<]

Rust (HS Papyrus) - Pancakes, with a ton of honey, but nothing else…

☀️

Eclipse (HF Sans) - Pancakes, but he prefers to have them with savory food, too, so no sweet toppings, except maybe a little maple syrup.

Dusk (HF Papyrus) - also pancakes, just with some fresh fruit (he would never admit it but he loves chocolate chip pancakes best)

🌙

AR (MT Sans) - Waffles, with butter and maple syrup. Classic.

Hawk (MT Papyrus) - French toast, easily! But specifically only when he makes it, and he serves it with fresh peach slices and homemade whipped cream.

✨

Cue (MS Sans) - Waffles, prefers fruit in the batter to any fruit syrups, but a little maple syrup is always nice. Would probably have it with a cocktail

Luck (MS Papyrus) - French toast prepared crème brûlée style also, but he’d still probably add more syrup afterwards…

🌗

Snare (MF Sans) - Waffles with maple syrup, with savory food similar to Clips

Boss (MF Papyrus) - Crêpes, because he doesn’t like heavy bready foods, especially not first thing in the morning -eyeroll- (prefers fruit crêpes, powdered sugar topping is…tolerable (he doesn’t really like sweets…))

🌟

Ara (OT Sans) - Pancakes, with fruit and honey and ketchup. He’s pretty much as bad as regular Sans.

Pictoris (OT Papyrus) - Waffles, but with blueberry syrup and whipped cream! =<]

💖

Boötes (OF Sans) - Waffles, with cinnamon sugar and nothing else

Antares (OF Papyrus) - Pancakes, with any berry syrup or fruit in the batter! (And whipped cream, which he would never ever admit out loud)

💛

Cire (LF Sans) - Waffles, of any citrus variety, with lots of whipped cream

Lace (LF Papyrus) - Pancakes with a little maple syrup if he has (good!) coffee to dip them in, but otherwise French toast with honey =<]

🌔

Hemlock (MLF Sans) - Waffles, any fruit syrup as long as it’s bathed in it.

Rosewood (MLF Papyrus) - maybe French toast, similarly to Boss, he leans into preferring lighter stuff like crêpes usually, but anything fruit involved is always a nice addition.

☀️

Berry (SS Sans) - Waffles with fruit in the batter, and lots of whipped cream! A little sprinkle of powdered sugar wouldn’t hurt, either.

Clover (SS Papyrus) - French toast, but drowned in anything sweet. Honey, maple syrup, fruit syrups, sprinkles, powdered sugar, granulated sugar, cinnamon sugar, whipped cream, dessert syrups, chocolate chips, caramel. Anything you can think of he’d throw it in there, the worst of the swap Papyri as far as sweets go, but he might also throw in some cayenne powder for a little kick.

💫

Raviel (DF Sans) - Waffles, topping, more waffles. And lots of syrup, any kind, so long as it doesn’t have bits of stuff in it (like fruit. He prefers that cheap weird stuff they put on ice cream that’s mostly just corn syrup and food dye).

Elester (DF Papyrus) - pancakes, with literally anything, but a drizzle of melted dark chocolate is very nice…

⭐️

Pin (IF Sans) - No outward seeming preference, but he does like spicy things and candy, so probably pancakes with spices and granulated sugar.

Ice (IF Papyrus) - no preference. Food is food. (Has a soft spot for fresh fruit though)

🌑

Perp (VF Sans) - Similar to Red, but he’s more well adjusted and loves to partake in buttery, sugary waffles. Especially loves the “snickerdoodle” waffles Void makes for him and Frisk

Void (VF Papyrus) - French toast with fresh fruit and a light drizzle of honey. He’s a classy guy.

🌙

Bonus: Abstract! - Anything is good and nice, but he does have a soft spot for sweets, so any three presented options with a little maple syrup or honey or fruit would make him very happy =<]

As for me, idk. Maybe French toast? But I have a soft spot for pancakes with fruit in them… I hope your French toast was very nice =^)

[goldentsum]

can we pls get more of the idol reader thirst posts 😫 i need some for the middle blockers

━ thirst post with idol! reader - middleblocker ver

CHARACTERS: hinata shouyou, tsukishima kei, matsukawa issei, haiba lev, tendou satori, and suna rintarou

GENRE: suggestive themes, crack

AUTHOR’S NOTE: i just love suna and matsun wtf.. APPRECIATE MY BABIES! DO NOT SLEEP ON THEM TF

setters ver. | captains ver. | wingspikers ver. | libero ver. | spin-off ver. | spin-off 2

━ hinata ♡

He knew you from Bokuto and his loud mouth. Hinata thanked Bo almost every day for letting him know you and your group! 

You were the tallest in your group making Shou kinda salty but if anyone makes you feel bad about your height HE WILL FIGHT EVERYONE

A soft stan but damn your legs is a sight to see. Your thighs so plump and supple and your legs toned omg 🥵

[k1ckme_onmyface.yn]: HER LEGS ARE SO LONG! please wrap your legs around me and suffocate me or something. jUST please do something to me, (y/n)! 🥺🥺

━ tsukishima ♡

tOL BOY IS a PERVVV, he runs a blog about you and just rant there about how perfect you are (thirsting) and will fight anyone who says otherwise

but sometimes he questions himself why tf is his bias you because you do some stupid shit

other than that, he finds you absolutely perfect and just wanna wreck your entire being like you wreck him oomf--! Tsukki knows he should feel bad and sad when he saw you cry but why tf did his dick got hard when he saw your teary eyes and red nose??? 

[grind.onme_y/n]: I just wanna make (y/n) cry and make her scream until her soft and pretty voice is all raspy :)

━ matsukawa ♡

He was supposed to be a lowkey fan but when he heard some girl talk shit about you on the streets, Mattsun was so ready to throw hands. Makki was holding him back from going up to the random girl’s face and rant about how every single thing about you was perfect! 

I headcanon that he can draw and he makes really beautiful fan arts of you,, he also has another account for 18+ fan arts and dAMN it was really something

Issei is a daddy dom and you being the baby of the group, being bratty as always, triggers him! 

[y/ns_daddydom]: (y/n) being a brat is triggering my dominant side! I just wanna teach her a lesson and tie her up with a vibrator attached inside her 😛😛 but i wouldn’t really change my bratty babygirl~ 😛😛

━ lev ♡

lev is just a tOL baby and he can be quite innocent,, though him being a scorpio suggest something else for me 

He probably just stan you and your group but then! he stumbles across a random smut and read the dirty fanfic of you... and now he has some uNHOLY IMAGES ABOUT YOU IN HIS HEAD

Lev now read smuts EVERYDAY and everytime he sees you, you lowkey get into a certain position close to the smut fics he read and he couldn’t help but imagine you moaning and getting your guts rearranged

[wannabend_over.y/nand.hit]: (y/n) is really flexible, huh... ahem... the world isn’t fair because I can’t fold (y/n) into two and blow my load into her 😔😔

━ tendou ♡

THIS BOY NASTY!! DIRTY! Tendou was always a dirty man, to begin with, but when you came along, HE BECAME REALLY NASTY! He probs beat his meat 3 times a day for you, pft

One day he was just scrolling through twitter in his fan account when he came across a video with a black background and it has your moans over it, from when you got your painful massage after your dance practice, and an additional wet squelching sounds as if to suggest you were fingering yourself

satori: oho what do we have here? guess, it’s ‘beat the meat’ time~ <3

[cantyn_beatmymeat_formethistime]: i have found a masterpiece! a TREASURE that I will keep forever!! Now I just want to finger (y/n), feeling her tight wet cunt around my fingers, with her lovely moans echoing in the room~ 😍

━ suna ♡

people just don’t know how dirty his thoughts can get except the miya twins, to whom he sends his thirsting thoughts and your content. Atsumu can’t take another minute of Suna gushing about how soft and small your hands are and how it would look so perfect around his big di--

atsumu: STOP! STOP!! I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!! JUST STOP!

suna: lol nope

He was watching your vlive as you teaching your fans how you make pancakes for breakfast and being the clumsy baby that you are, the whipped cream just flew all over you. 

[creampied_y/ndestroys.me]: LOOK AT HER, all covered in whipped cream! This brings me back to my thoughts about how good (y/n) would look covered in cum. Seeing (y/n)’s soft skin covered in my cum and her pussy also brimming with it is enough to send me to hell 😌😌 and i would be satisfied~ 😌

[moonbeamsung]

hey! this has been getting popular recently, so pair your moots with an nct fic trope or/and ship them with nct?? i love your works too!! can't wait for the next one :)) heh

(anon, i’m so sorry this took so long! thanks for your patience! this also kinda turned into association instead of ships but i also base ships on similarities? so it works out hehe)

🎄dear moots: think of these ships/mini fics as a small christmas/holiday/end of the year gift from me to you! i sincerely hope you like them, it’s not much but it’s the least i can do to express my gratitude for all the love and happiness you’ve made me feel this year, even if we’ve just recently met! i’m so thankful for all of you and i love you very much!🎄

hi lovely anon!! <3 omg you love my works? that means so much to me, i hope you’re having a wonderful day!! thank you so much for sending me this, i had been hoping to do something like it for a while🥺

for my closer moots, i’m gonna combine these, so i’ll outline a fic trope/idea and the pairing will be who i ship you with! hopefully this won’t become an essay lol. warning: it does

i don’t want to leave anyone out, so for those of you that i’m not quite as close with or have met more recently, i’ll just give you a ship! i hope that’s okay🥺and if i’m still forgetting someone then i’m really really sorry, please let me know and i’ll make sure to add you next time!

read more cut because this is a looooot. open at your own risk and prepare for many many MANY blocks of text... also these are in alphabetical order by url!!

——ships + fics——

@astroboy-lele: a best friends to lovers au with chenle, no doubt about it. furou is one of my closest friends on here and our conversations are almost always chaotic, but when they aren’t, they’re full of love and appreciation for each other because she deserves it! major chenle vibes, they’re both so adorable too. her humor is great, all the jokes we have together make me absolutely wheeze oml. i really don’t know what i would do without her kindness sometimes, when i want to give up at something she’s so quick to reassure me. furou, thanks for encouraging me and for always being such a strong source of happiness🥺also, i hope you never doubt your amazing talents because they are a gift to this world!! but enough with the super deep stuff because this is way too long, so the plot would go something like this: you met one day when you heard him practicing piano in the band room by himself. you’re both shy at first so it’s a blush fest when he notices you’ve been listening to him play the whole time, but one not-so-awkward introduction later, you realize you have some things in common and that you share a class or two. you come over for study sessions & work together on partner projects, conversations lighthearted and full of endless laughter. in addition, you also show your support for each other’s talents and dreams, with him attending your dance performances and clapping louder than anyone else in the audience, and you attending his recitals, heart swelling with more pride and appreciation than you thought was possible. any time that you spend together usually ends with you asleep on his chest while he taps away at a piano app on his phone because he knows it calms you down, humming softly by your ear. as the sunlight streams in from his window and illuminates your face, he takes one look at you and decides that you’ve become so much more than just a best friend to him after everything you’ve been through together in such a short time. but will he ever find the courage to tell you how he feels?

@danishmiilk: i can’t really explain it, but i just picture late nights walking through city streets in a strangers to lovers au with doyoung by your side. xing-yi has a lot of love to give to others and so much to offer the writing community, and also she’s somewhat of a social butterfly, at least i think so! it makes me so happy seeing her interact with her moots and she always looks out for others! i also imagine that she has a cute bunny smile but also maybe not HAHA anyway i just love xing-yi a lot. here’s the fic: doyoung, the one who always seems to know everything, is forced to ask for directions in a foreign city. shamefully standing on the sidewalk, he stops you mid-step with a small hand gesture, because even though he doesn’t know you at all, you look like you probably won’t walk away or dismiss his questions with a shrug. being as friendly and willing to help as you are, you oblige. with an embarrassed scratch to the back of his neck, he admits that he might forget the sequence of lefts and rights you had given him, but you’re unfazed and simply offer to walk him there yourself, since it isn’t terribly far anyway. doyoung, lightly flustered since he’s not quite sure how to thank you for your trouble and feeling bad for taking the time out of your day, fumbles with asking for your number. he’s cute, you think, and before you part you insist on showing him around the city some more before he leaves, glancing at the sheepish but smitten man over your shoulder with a smile as you turn to walk back home, leaving him eager to see you again.

@daybreakx: my first thought was a hogwarts au with kun! ale’s talent in writing is a beautiful hidden gem on this site, and she truly deserves so much more recognition for it. i’m so grateful for how kind she is and i want the best for her and her work always! also, the love letter network that she created to help more writers receive love, feedback, and appreciation from readers is such a generous and selfless thing to do, it shows that she has such a caring heart! all of these qualities make me think of kun, and i chose a hogwarts au because i think she just writes those especially well and hers are some of my favorites! so for the fic: the fates are definitely not on your side today, because all the friends you made on the train ride to the castle have been sorted into different houses than you, not to mention you have almost no classes with any of them. at the same time, you seem to have every class with this one boy, kun. he’s in hufflepuff, the same house as you, and because you’re always paired up as seatmates, you find yourself warming up to him throughout the year. conversations become easier during projects, you start to have study sessions in the common room when exams come around, and as first-year students, you both love experiencing all the new and exciting things that the school and the magical world has to offer together. now, you couldn’t be happier that you were sorted into hufflepuff, because otherwise you might not have become friends (and maybe more..) with him!

@donkey-hyuck: vy is way more hilarious and talented than others give her credit for, and not to mention the way everyone adores her for always being so loving and showering them with her affection and support😭i’m thinking of a sci-fi au with jeno! she’s just so hardworking with her writing and on her collabs, & i think she’s strong-willed because she always pursues her goals no matter what! she has such a bright personality and also, like jeno’s her smile is just the CUTEST thing ever!!!! i will never be over it istg🥺fic: in a world full of new technology and controlled by a government unwilling to remember the past and all its traditions, a band of rebels come together and take it upon themselves to go back in time and discover what their reality used to look like long ago. one fateful day on their quest to uncover the mystery of the past, they stumble upon you, unaware of their cause but eager to join them. you take after one of the boys particularly well, lee jeno. though he’s assigned the role of warrior, he’s well-rounded and could easily succeed at any task the group may need him to complete. extremely passionate about the group’s goal, the two of you share a dedication that only brings you closer with time, working together and just being complete badasses. when you aren’t navigating through streets full of neon signs and angular buildings, you fall into the rhythm of a relationship. though you may not know much about each other’s pasts yet, one thing’s for sure: you can definitely see a future with one another.

@fairvtale: a soulmate au with jisung! i mean, keia is just the peak of cuteness, love, positivity, and everything sweet and nice!! how could i not ship her with the adorable park jisung himself😭she’s so full of compassion for everyone she meets and is so loved and appreciated for not only her great personality but also her talents! now, in this soulmate universe, you and your soulmate share the same preferences! so when you hear someone standing in line ahead of you at the ice cream shop order your favorite flavor, your heart skips a beat. of course, it’s not the first time it’s happened, but something feels different today. when you see who the voice belongs to, you just know that the tall but also shy boy is meant for you, and being brave, you approach the small two-person table he sits down at, making small talk until you both realize that you have a little too much in common for it to be a coincidence... :D <3

@ferie-anon: i’m picturing a bookstore au with shopkeeper!taeil, you just give off really insightful but also curious vibes!! both you and taeil make me think of wisdom(especially with your astrology knowledge! it amazes me so much omg), and also, you both have hearts of gold🥺💝fic: a new book shop opens up in your town, and eager to find a new story to dive into, you enter one day to find taeil behind the counter with a smile on his face that’s so bright you don’t even notice his smaller but adorable stature. he guides you, his first customer, through the rows of books to find one that interests you. since the store has multiple copies, he finds himself reading the same ones that you buy not only to enjoy them for himself, but also because it allows him to discuss them with you when you come in the next time, eager to hear each other’s thoughts and knowledge. your equal love for learning and discovery makes you a perfect match!

@flirtyhyuck: kitty is a literal ray of sunshine into my life, so who else would i ship him with than haechan? (i know i once said jaemin but shh) he is so encouraging, always makes me smile and my heart burst, i’m really thankful for all the times he checks in on me and i just feel very loved talking to him. he deserves all the love in the world, really and truly. for the au, maybe a strangers to lovers with barista!haechan! your favorite cafe has a new worker that’s attracting all the attention lately. haechan makes the funniest jokes and comments at the register, and everyone asks for him to ring them up just so they can laugh at his sarcasm. but he’s also so attentive to each and every customer, making sure the order is nothing short of perfect and exactly what they wanted. you always sit at one of the bar-style seats as you enjoy your favorite drink, legs dangling from the elevated chair as you watch him bustle about behind the cashier station and among the machines & supplies. one day it’s closing time, he’s cleaning up for the night but he lets you stay a few more minutes, something he wouldn’t do for anyone else. leaning over the marble countertop that your cup rests on, he swipes a fingertip through the whipped cream on top of your drink and lightly taps your nose with it, making you giggle endearingly at the ticklish sensation and giving him the courage to ask you out. with a smile, you agree. ‘sure, but let’s go somewhere other than a coffee shop, please.’

@fruityutas: emily (pt 1 HAHA) seriously cracks me up SO MUCH, not to mention she has one the best laughs i’ve heard and it’s super lovable haha. i don’t know what else to call it but i’d give her a wedding date(?) au with hendery! even when i didn’t know her very well and we had just recently met she was super friendly and inviting. for some reason i feel like hendery would also play the sims lol, anyway! onto the fic: when given the opportunity to bring a ‘plus one’ to a friend’s special day, your other friend hendery swoops in with an arm around your shoulder as you reread the invitation out loud, wondering who to ask. not so subtly, he offers to accompany you, and not wanting to be the only one without a guest, you agree to his proposal (no pun intended). dressed in your best formalwear and with stiffly linked arms, you navigate through the ceremony, only loosening up a bit at the reception. hendery is determined to make you smile with his exaggerated dancing, twirling you and making you more than glad you brought him along. you do get a few comments from other guests on what a ‘cute couple’ you are, leading you both to exchange glances before bursting into laughter. it starts to become less and less implausible, though. you catch hendery’s eye right after you find the bride’s flower bouquet in your grasp, suddenly realizing there could be more between you than you realized...

@jenojam: i was totally not influenced by your preschool series at all haha, but a preschool au with teacher!kun comes to mind! vina is always there for me, she’s so caring and attentive to everything i tell her!! i get mom friend vibes i guess, she’s just so sweet and i feel super loved and cared for whenever we interact, i’m really grateful for her endless support🥺for the fic, kun is a coworker of yours at the preschool you teach at. you both have such a strong passion for teaching and it helps you bond, leading to many days spent side-by-side, fondly watching your students play with their friends at recess or do activities and play games in class. even the small children in your class can see how much wider you smile when you’re in the same room. with the sweetest and most innocent of intentions, shenanigans ensue of your well-meaning but slightly mischievous students trying to get kun to confess to you, whether it be by writing a message in sidewalk chalk or making a bracelet out of craft beads for him to give you.

@jisungsmochi: hm, i’m thinking...a high school/college au with theatre kid!xiaojun🥺i ship nat with xiaojun because she’s just the sweetest, she has a hidden chaotic side (imo lol) and just a great sense of humor as well! she’s so fun to talk to and you can’t help but love her🥺picture this: you’re both in english class together, and one day there’s a mix-up. he accidentally grabs your essay and you end up with his script for the school musical. you have no choice but to go to one of his rehearsals to swap them back, but as you’re standing in the doorway, you’re captivated by his performance! little do you know, he’s absolutely in awe of your writing, even in a simple literature paper. your admiration for each other’s talents leads to you sitting in the back of the theater doing your homework every day after school, listening to his voice ring out across the large room, and he gets a confidence boost knowing you’re there watching him act, dance, and sing. he always winks at you from onstage and you’re beyond starstruck every time, your english paper quickly becoming forgotten as soon as he meets your eyes with a charming smile.

@lebrookestore: well, a royal au with prince!/childhood friend!taeyong comes to mind. brooke is a lot like taeyong because she’s so considerate and generous but also can be very professional and calm when she needs to be! (i think i told you already but you have this ~duality~ in a way, like ty haha.) so..you both grow up in the castle, scampering away from the staff in the large hallways and just enjoying the excitement of life. one day when you’re a bit older, you come across a stranger in the forest as you’re exploring. they turn out to be from the next kingdom over, but something about them is familiar: you’re sure you’ve seen a ‘wanted’ poster with their face plastered on it. you manage to warn taeyong in his ear before you hear the stranger’s footsteps speed up, and you both start sprinting as fast as possible. quickly working together since you know each other so well, you devise a plan to get them caught in a tangle of vines you remember seeing on your way into the forest, so you can bring back reinforcements to arrest the dangerous criminal. it works, but instead of turning to give taeyong a high five in celebration, he’s already in front of you and thanking you for your quick thinking with a hug, suddenly realizing that how much he loves you after seeing your brave and clever side emerge, just two of the many traits that made you win his heart.

@navyhyuck: vee’s name has basically become synonymous with happiness at this point, hearing from her in my inbox/messages or seeing a post/work of hers on my dash is so comforting and makes me smile more than she knows. since she’s the epitome of sweetness, i’ll say a bakery au with jaemin! i really appreciate knowing someone like her, and the encouragement she gives me is so heartwarming🥺the way she sends asks in the mornings makes me feel so ridiculously loved and at ease, her presence in itself is a gift to this site. tumblr really doesn’t deserve her!! i’m so happy that we’ve grown close and i don’t know what i would do without her and her kindness in my life. fic: you sign up for a baking class at a quaint, local pastry shop to learn how to make desserts and treats, since baking was a hobby you had enjoyed as a child with your family and now you hoped to learn how to do it on your own. little did you know that your instructor would be even more saccharine than the sugary treats you were making. his flirtatious nature leads to many mishaps in the kitchen as you get distracted while trying to follow along with the simple directions, instead making a mess of the icing and sprinkles and nearly confusing the measurements of ingredients. he finds it adorable, though, and towards the end of the session he sneaks a bite of one of the french macarons you put together, a bright smile lighting up his features as he compliments you on it. he teases you by reminding you to pay more attention next time, and with a comeback so quick that even you’re surprised, you take him up on that offer, implying that you’d be back for another class soon. “good. we’re making crème brûlée next week,” he informs with a wink as you both part ways. boy, was he sweeter than sugar.

@orange-nimon-cross: yunha deserves someone who knows the true her and has always been by her side, so i’d say a neighbor/boy next door au with winwin/sicheng. her personality is unique and complex like sicheng’s, and like him i also admire her for lots of reasons, such as her honesty and the pride she takes in writing as well as her passion for it in general. she’s very sweet, so supportive whenever i need it, and deserves so much more recognition for her beautiful work!!💕fic: your neighborhood holds a classic and oh-so-cliche summer block party every year, the smell of smoke and sounds of laughter moving through the air and into your open window. when a bad day gets you down and you hesitate to join in the festivities, sicheng is the only one who can get through to you, not forcing you to talk about anything and just sitting beside you on your bed in silence, which seems to be the most comforting thing anyone can do at the moment. when you tell him you’re ready(which he asks you to confirm many times, because that’s just how much he cares about you and wants you to be fully comfortable and okay), he takes your hand and leads you outside and onto the burning asphalt of the street with other friends and families, the blissful feeling of summer putting you at ease and the gentle evening breeze carrying away your cares with it. and like a springtime flower, although one season late, your relationship begins to blossom into one full of even more love and consideration for each other than it was before.

@radiorenjun: a doctor au with renjun! angie is slightly (okay, very) chaotic but also very lovable!! i don’t know if she’s an aries but she gives off serious aries energy. she’s confident and optimistic and really approachable! i’m so happy she reached out to me one day and we became friends from there🥺in the fic, renjun is a resident at your hospital studying under you and learning the ropes of being a doctor. when you first met each other, you actually mistook him for a coworker with how professional he seemed, but the confusion made a small, adorable blush rise to his cheeks. shy and timid at first, he takes notes and helps you do your job without complaint. when you offer part of your routine to him, he gratefully accepts and does the task perfectly, growing more comfortable in his position and relationship with you as he receives more opportunities to show his skill. sharing stories and experiences from medical school on your lunch breaks and smiling when you finish each other’s sentences about patients and their prescribed care, you realize that you’ve fallen for the soon-to-be doctor, and that no stethoscope could possibly measure the beating of your heart around him.

@rouiyan: so you know how you said you were excited for my wip that’s a strangers to lovers au with animal shelter worker!jeno? that’s what this is(loosely anyway)!!🥺ree reminds me of jeno in the fact that she’s such a sweetheart in every interaction with anyone, it feels like you’ve been her friend for ages! and then you look at her writing that’s just so damn good and sophisticated and i’m always so amazed with everything she puts out, just like how jeno’s talents amaze me as well! now for the fic: your beloved dog runs off in the park, but luckily a boy walking nearby lunges for the leash as it drags behind the animal. you thank him repeatedly, and he explains that the little puppy might have tried to leave your grasp only because she wants to make a new friend. the park is full of other dogs, after all. he mentions that he works at the shelter nearby and suggests that maybe you should adopt a second one to keep her company. not seeing any reason why you shouldn’t, you meet him the next day and spend time together picking out a new puppy. many more days are spent giving the fluffy little animals lots of pets and scratches behind the ears, and playing with them. you’re not sure what’s cuter: the dogs, or jeno’s eye smile.

@ru-lin: (the fic was kinda inspired by what you told me about your job in our messages the other day hehe) i’d say a christmas au with mark! ruth is so considerate and a pleasure to talk to, we actually have a lot in common! she’s very warm and caring and always looking out for others. i can tell she really values her friends and they’re so lucky to have her, she’s just so sweet all around! talking to her makes my day a lot brighter whenever we interact🥺fic: during the holidays you always work at a christmas market, helping customers pick out pretty much anything they could ever want that’s associated with the chilly month and all its festivities. when a shy boy that’s adorably awkward and clumsy stumbles into the shopping area, you bite back a small laugh at his endearing hesitation to ask for assistance. speaking up first, you ask if there’s anything he needs and he explains that he’s looking for the perfect tree. with a knowing smile, you lead him down the rows of tall pines and firs and any kind of christmas tree you could possibly imagine. when his eyes land on one that he likes, his eyes light up with excitement, and you help him load it into his car. as mark is halfway home he curses, realizing he forgot to pick up a wreath as well. he knows it’ll earn him a playful scolding from his group of friends, but if it means another chance to return to the market and see you, it’s worth it.

@rvse-hvvck: i feel like i ship so many people with jaemin but it’s just because they’re so especially full of kindness and love for others, and ana is no exception! i’d give her a matchmaker au with jaemin! ana is so incredibly selfless and her heart is so compassionate, it’s crazy. i really look up to her in a lot of ways! the first impression she made on me was already a great one because i saw so many writers receiving her beautiful love letters, and from that moment alone i could already tell how much she strives to be kind and generous in everything she says and does. i hope she knows how much everyone truly adores her and is grateful for her, because she really makes the world a better and brighter place. (if you’ve seen the movie clueless i guess this fic is sorta similar!) so, you’re the resident expert on relationships among your school community, always trying to pair up people with similar interests or that have a lot of chemistry together. it brings you joy because you love seeing your friends laughing and smiling with their partners, but you feel a twinge of sadness at the same time. when jaemin, the boy you’ve liked for a while, comes to you for advice, you push down your feelings for him and send him on dates with anyone you can think of. the whole time though, he’s only had his eyes on you. he has always admired your altruism and your dedication to making others happy. it hurts him to see that you’re not even giving yourself a chance, so with a simple but heartfelt confession in the school parking lot at sunset, he helps you realize that you deserve a love like you’ve helped so many others find.

@sly-merlin: talking to simmi is always something very healing (like yuta’s smile hehe) so i’d definitely give her a secret agent/spy au with partner!yuta! she is so friendly to anyone and everyone, she gives off this warm and loving vibe like that of an old friend🥺she’s also extremely dedicated to her studies and works so hard. everyone adores her, and seeing her talk about things that make her happy is just the cutest thing ever! simmi, you truly have everyone’s heart!! now for the fic: you and yuta are both spies, partnered up for a very important and serious mission. only problem is, he’s never been the serious type. he teases you for being so uptight, but you genuinely don’t know any other way to approach a mission. along the way though, he manages to teach you how to have a little fun with your job, even if it means lots of close calls and sticky situations that force you both to begrudgingly (well, you more so than him) pretend you’re an oblivious couple in order to escape suspicious eyes. eventually, you find yourself becoming less and less unwilling to throw a casual arm around his shoulder, even when you aren’t at risk of being caught on your mission. maybe he isn’t so bad after all... :)

@suhpressed: a strangers to lovers au with theatre usher!johnny. so you know how johnny’s like an older brother to mark? i get major comforting and warm big sis vibes from elaida!! i would ship her with johnny because they’re both such selfless and caring people! she’s not afraid to speak her mind, and she always looks out for others with kindness and encouragement! as for the fic: you’re finally attending a broadway show you’ve been dying to see since, well, forever. this really cute usher helps you find your seat, but in a rare stroke of clumsiness, he bumps someone with a glass of wine in their hand that ends up staining your blouse a dark red. like the gentleman johnny (you can see it on his nametag) is, he promises to buy you a new one, and writes his phone number on the show’s program. you enjoy the musical, but the digits scribbled down next to the performers’ names prove to be more distracting than you anticipated. throughout the show you’re really jittery, excited to get back home so you can text him. in addition to replacing your ruined shirt, he also invites you out for coffee over the phone, you agree, and you both hit it off. the rest is history! the way that you met becomes a favorite story among your friends and families, & they never miss a chance to tease you two about spilling drinks.

@tyongxnct: elida, where do i begin🥺right away, i think of an idol au with taeyong. she is just so caring and supportive, she likes or comments on my posts and can make me smile with just a few words!! i remember one time that she said she was lucky to have me as a moot and it really warmed my heart, i’m so so lucky to have her too! i can tell she’s passionate about writing and that it brings her so much joy! i wish her only the best in life always <3 in the fic: during a tour, nct 127 stops in your country for a few nights of concerts, and in the midst of the excitement on the way back from the venue, taeyong gets separated from the rest. in an unfamiliar environment, he begins to panic as he remembers that he left his phone on the tour bus and has no way to contact his manager or fellow members. you, while familiar with and respectful of the group but not an avid follower of their music, catch sight of the lost and more than frazzled man as he frantically paces along the sidewalk, trying to recall his surroundings when he exited the bus hours ago. had it not been for your observant gaze, you may have missed the small group logo on his white shirt, letting you know who he was. determined to ease his obvious nerves by helping him find his way back, you lend a hand by approaching him and asking what he remembers. despite only being given a few details, you know the area he describes, quickly leading him there and reuniting him with the rest of the group. more than grateful, he offers you a ticket to the last show there, and hopes that it won’t be the last time he sees you.

@yo-ddream: a childhood best friends to lovers au with jungwoo! emily (pt 2/granny okay sorry i’m done) also feels like somewhat of an older sister to me, she gives great advice and always seems to have a story to tell from her working adventures lol. she’s very witty and extremely kind!! i guess i get jungwoo vibes because at first she seems quiet, but once you get to know her and she opens up a bit you see her fun personality and humor shine through when you talk to her :) she’s also honest about what she thinks and doesn’t sugarcoat it, something that’s very much needed in a person! okay, onto the fic: you and jungwoo grew up in the same neighborhood, going to the same school, getting your first part-time jobs at same store a few blocks down from your street. your lives have been intertwined from the start, but when a family matter pops up, it threatens his place by your side in almost everything you do and puts your friendship and undisclosed feelings for each other at risk. both working up the courage to confess as time ticks down and it gets closer to the day he’s meant to move away, you spend every moment with each other enjoying life’s little moments, the simple things like watching the sunset on a park bench or taking a walk down the sidewalk of the town shopping center. in an extremely convenient stroke of luck, he gets word that things have been sorted out, and the move is off. in both of your delight at the news, you feel like nothing can stop you. you blurt out the same three words at the same time before launching your arms around one another. if it’s you and jungwoo against the world, so be it, because not even the universe had the heart to separate the bond between you.

@zzzzzcakes: zel🥺she’s always been super supportive of me and my work, i’m happy she left feedback on a fic of mine because i might not have reached out to express my gratitude for her words and gotten to know her otherwise! she’s very kind and positive, and seeing her posts and reblogs make me laugh all the time :D i’d say a grocery store au with sungchan. (hear me out i know you must be going ‘huh?’ but trust me on this one! in that recent post you made you said something about shopping carts, and it made me think...see where this is going? haha ANYWAY!) so sungchan is the newest employee at the supermarket where you work. he’s the go-to person to call when someone can’t reach an item on one of the highest shelves, earning bewildered stares from customers and coworkers alike. he always has a joke up his sleeve or a clever remark to make about the many challenges of working in retail. you take a liking to him for how down-to-earth he is and despite all the occasional sarcasm coming from him when you’re both in the break room, he’s very helpful whenever he’s needed. he also admires how focused you are on the job, ringing up endless items and bagging groceries until your hands hurt. whenever he strides down an aisle near the register you’re working at that day, he doesn’t hesitate to send a wave and an endearing grin your way. it’s the moments like that with him that get you through your shift and keep you going. it’s no surprise when you reveal to the rest of the staff that you’re dating. of course, the perks of being employees mean that you can spend many late nights racing each other in shopping carts at the back of the store near closing time and other mischievous activities of the sort, laughing when your manager scolds you over the loudspeaker system without a care in the world.

——ships——

@badwithten: zoe is someone full of both humor and heart, a combination that immediately reminds me of lucas, so i’d 100% ship her with him! she’s given me really good advice and encouragement to stay true to myself, something i can also see lucas doing, and i’m very grateful for her wise words :) and like i said, her heart is full of love and she’s so kind to everyone!

@bucchinct: i’m not sure if we’ve ever interacted, but i always see your posts on my dash and you reblog so many artistic and pretty things/pictures, which makes me think of jaemin and his hobby of photography! so i would ship you with him ^_^

@du0tine: i’d ship solange with ten, for a number of reasons! one, the fact that she mountain climbs for a living and is so dedicated to/passionate about it is something extremely admirable and amazing, so she comes across as very brave and adventurous! also, she’s not afraid to tell others her opinions and that honesty is really refreshing to see! and her blog themes are super artistic which reminds me of ten as well. she just seems like a great person in general and i hope to get to know her more!

@ethaeriyeol: i haven’t really talked to bea much, but i know she is good friends with a few of my other moots so i think that says something about the kind of person she is! i would ship her with jaehyun, she seems really professional (and lowkey intimidating but you didn’t hear it from me) but also very sweet and welcoming and i imagine they both have the cutest smiles, with or without dimples, hehe.

@euphoricdreamies: i’d ship maddy with chenle! she has such a great sense of humor and it’s so much fun to read about her oc’s, i love keeping up with the plots! i’ve followed her for a while but we just recently started talking, she’s very friendly🥺maddy’s just been nothing but nice to me, and i feel like she has a sarcastic and witty side. also, she deserves so much more recognition for her talent and i think everyone deserves to read her amazing work!

@felixn-recs: it’s been a while since i talked to you, but i’m really thankful that you left some of the first feedback i ever received on my writing! i know for a fact that authors really appreciate you and the kind feedback/support that you show their works. this eagerness to show writers your encouragement and praise makes me think of mark for sure, so i would ship you with him!

@fullsuhnny: angelina seems like the type to be somewhat reserved, but still very generous and selfless towards others, reminding me of kun! when she interacts with people she’s humble and sweet, and i enjoy seeing her reblogs pop up on my dash. i think she’s a wonderful friend to everyone and i hope to become closer with her in the future! also, her blog theme is so cool and aesthetic hehe :D

@gowonhatesyou: renjun all the way, krystal always makes me and others laugh so much with her humor and her entertaining personality. but at the same time, while she can be chaotic and sarcastic, she’s also extremely loving and sociable. i can tell she cares a lot about those around her and wants only the best for them! i really value her friendship🥺

@heartyyjeno: i’d ship alesha with jaemin, she’s so much like him to me. first of all, because she would do anything to make her friends smile or brighten their day! she has a warm personality that makes others feel very loved. she’s also very determined and perseverant, because when things get tough she doesn’t give up and continues to pursue her dreams and do what she loves, even when it may be difficult. i’m positive that everyone she knows appreciates having her and her endless kindness in their life! <3

@injunified: nathalie is really sweet and generous, and i’m really happy that she’s started posting more of her works recently, they definitely deserve all the recognition that they’re getting and more!! i don’t know her super well but she’s a great friend to have, so I’d ship her with winwin/sicheng! i hope she can continue writing because she definitely has a lot of talent for it🥺

@jaeminscoffee: lyra is very warm, friendly, and she was eager to get to know me when we first met, so i would ship her with johnny! i really enjoy talking to her, and she’s also very down-to-earth! she never hesitates to show her appreciation for her friends and followers, and i really look up to her for it🥺

@lovelygalaxy333: lilly is so so lovable and sweet, i would definitely ship her with shotaro! my heart literally threatens to explode whenever i talk to her, and she reblogs the cutest, kindest things! like shotaro, i just wanna protect her because she’s such a special soul and also very positive! even if she just sends a simple ‘hello’ in my inbox from time to time, it puts the biggest smile on my face and i’m so grateful for her!

@meraki-mark: li is very humble and friendly, so i would ship her with xiaojun! she also seems somewhat quiet and calm to me, i was almost intimidated when we first interacted haha. something i admire about her is that i believe she’s the kind of person to truly be dedicated to writing what she wants and not just for the sake of notes! that kind of commitment is really nice to see :)

@minyusa: whenever i see miku on my dash, she always seems to be showing her support for a work or conversing with a friend. she’s there to lend some encouragement and sweet words to those that need it! her good-nature and pure thoughtfulness reminds me of jeno. she’s so nice to talk to and deserves love, no questions asked! you’re a very genuine and warm-hearted person, so i’d ship you with him~ （＾ν＾）

@moonlightjeno: we don’t know each other very well but just from looking at luna’s writing, i think the types of fics and aus she writes are very diverse and unique! her well-rounded work makes me think of haechan, so i’ll ship her with him! i believe we have some of the same moots so she seems very kind and social as well!

@neonun-au: okay, maybe it’s because ‘multitudes’ has been on my mind ever since i read it but my first thought was to ship mads with taeil! her writing is so elegant and beautiful, i’m so glad her work gets all the recognition that it does! as silly as it sounds for me to say, even her sh*tposts seem sophisticated for some reason hahaha. she’s just so sweet, talented and always so gracious!

@peachjaem00: lou comes across as very laidback and charming, two things that remind me of yangyang! she’s a pleasure to interact with, and i feel like she has a lot of friends, i mean, who wouldn’t want someone like her in their life? she’s such a supportive and inviting person by nature, and i can tell she works hard and puts so much effort into her writing because it’s so good!!

@prettyjaems: i believe i said it once before so pardon the repetition, but whenever i interact with mona i feel loved and cared for like nobody’s business😭which immediately makes jaemin come to mind. she doesn’t hesitate to show kindness to anyone and everyone, but also has a quiet and focused side at times, and i think as a person, she has so many great qualities that balance out and make up her considerate personality! she’s also really motivated and organized with her writing, i hope to learn a thing or two from those work habits of hers :)

@rueyins: one fateful day when i was craving some good old interaction, rue reached out to me just to say hello and ask how i was doing, something that makes me think of taeyong! i really love how caring she is towards everyone she knows, and also her music taste is great, which also makes me think of taeyong, haha🥺the way she looks out for others is such a special quality to have, i’m so glad we’ve become friends!!

@vitamarkie: i would ship kay with mark! i see her interact with her moots a lot, and she just seems very loved all around by everyone that knows her! also, she writes the softest, prettiest, fluffiest stories, and for some reason i think of the fact that mark once said he wanted be an author when he grew up. her skills are seriously amazing and, just like i admire mark for his talent, i admire kay a lot for hers!

@whathamelon: hmm you have a good sense of humor and also seem very friendly because we have some of the same moots! you’re also not shy about showing appreciation to your favorite fics and authors, so i would ship you with johnny!

@yunwoo: i feel like anna is on the soft-spoken, quieter side but still very very sweet, so i would ship her with jisung! she’s really lovable and so comforting to talk to, even though we don’t know each other too well yet. just from her blog she seems so adorable and i want to hug her and talk to her more🥺also her aesthetic is the softest thing EVER i love it so much!!😭

[whitewolfmoving]

Boston Burning Part Three

In Your Orbit

Summary: Chris takes Nika with him to the station during his next shift, there she's introduced to the latest transfer from Austin, Texas—Arden Daniels. A simple question from an outside perspective brings out an overdue confession in a roundabout way.

Warnings: cheesiness, flirting, Chris Evans absolutely doting on Nika Stan (yes it absolutely needs its own warning lol)

Word Count: 2770

A/N: This fic will feature a lot of implied signed dialogue, as two of the characters are a part of the Deaf Community. Dialogue expressed in ASL (American Sign Language) will appear in bold and italics preceded or followed by the proper indicators. Unless otherwise stated, regularly spoken dialogue will be used for interpretation purposes for characters who do not sign when mixed in with signed dialogue. As I, myself, am part of the Deaf Community and wanted to bring a character to the table that represented my own experience with my deafness, I DO NOT speak for all d/Deaf/HoH individuals nor the Community as a whole. I am but one person, these are MY OWN experiences. Happy reading!

"Are you sure you want to come to the Station with me tonight?" Chris asked, poking his head into the bathroom as he and Nika got ready to go.

"For the last time, Evans, I'm going. I'm not sitting around here waiting for shift to be over," Nika said, applying a small amount of antibiotic burn cream over her skin.

He put his hands up in surrender, leaning against the doorframe. He wouldn't offer to help her unless she indicated that she needed him to. "Alright, alright. I'll quit asking. I just want to make sure you're as ready to see everyone as they are to see you."

"Chris," she paused, looking over her shoulder, "I'll be fine, I promise. I'll take it easy and I'll let you or Lizzie or Scar know if I need to come home. Now, can you help me with my shoulder?"

Chris nodded and accepted the tube. He took his place behind her and moved her hair to the side revealing the wound on her shoulder to him. He gingerly rubbed a thin film of cream over the healing blisters. "It's looking better already."

Nika scoffed. She'd never really taken the time to look at herself in the mirror before, never really felt the need to. Since the fire, all she did was stare at her reflection.

"Hey," Chris said softly, "you're still just as beautiful now as you were before."

"Are you flirting with me, Evans?"

"Depends, is it working?"

"Maybe."

The two continued to stare at each other in the mirror; Chris's fingers idly glided over the rough skin of Nika's scar tissue. She watched intrigued as he leaned into his own touch of her skin instead of pulling away repulsed by the feeling as she would have been. Chris was good to her, too good, in ways Nika felt she hadn't earned.

As if he'd read her mind, he turned her around to face him, lifting her chin to look into her eyes. The pad of his thumb gently brushed over her cheek. Stop that. You don't need to earn my attention or my affection or my care.

Why are you so good to me? How can you just give me that much of your time so easily? Nika questioned, her hands moved furiously to highlight her frustration. Try as she might, she couldn't understand what he saw in her — more so now, thanks to the scarring left behind by the fire.

Chris understood that Nika's confidence had been shaken, he understood that she didn't see herself as she once had. It's simple, Nik. You're my best friend, it's yours if you want it.

The drive to the firehouse was quiet. Nika left her hearing aids at home, not wanting to burden herself with attempting to follow so many conversations. Chris was there to interpret for anyone who didn't sign, giving her a much needed break.

Chris pulled up outside of the station and looked over at Nika. He waited patiently for her to make a move or a sound or any indication that she was ready to go in. She sat still as a stone, amber eyes fixed on the brick and mortar building in front of them. Chris softly tapped her left knee with his right hand, grabbing her attention. You ok? Nervous?

Nika shook her head. No, not nervous. Indifferent.

We don't have to go in. We can go home. Whatever you want to do.

I want to go.

Then we go. Chris reached across the seat and grabbed Nika's hand. He slid his fingers through the spaces between hers, giving her palm a gentle squeeze. The soft look in his eyes was warm and calming, exactly as it had been in the mirror. He slowly brought their hands up to his mouth, softly brushed his lips over their tangled fingers, skimming her knuckles. Ready?

Nika answered with a small nod of her head, her eyes still trained on the spot where Chris's lips had touched her skin. His affection wasn't new to her, except the way in which it was being delivered. She communicated with her hands, and to have him now showing deeper levels of care to her with his own… Chris's touch was everything.

The passenger door opened to reveal Chris standing at her side, waiting to escort her into the station. His bright blue eyes found her smooth honey gaze, and a sense of ease washed over them both.

She took his hand when offered, smiling as she hopped out of the truck. Who is here tonight?

That you know? Scarlett, Lizzie, Scott, and myself.

Do they know about the fire?

Scott knows, he was with me when Seb called. Everyone else will know only if you want them to. Chris smiled reassuringly. He knew seeing everyone under the current circumstances would be a lot for her, but he hoped having at least him and his brother there would take some of the pressure off. The Evans brothers were good for interpreting, Elizabeth and Scarlett knew enough conversational signs, and Nika could get by fairly well on her own otherwise.

The warmth of the summer evening relaxed both Chris and Nika's nerves. He hummed softly as she leaned into the protective barrier his body offered, shielding her right side from further damage. He hadn't been there to protect her from the fire that had caused the initial injury, but he'd make sure no more harm came to her during her stay in Boston.

She tugged on his arm as they approached the firehouse and nodded toward the opened shutter doors of the apparatus bay where Scott was waiting for them.

Hey, Scotty. Long time, no see. Nika greeted the younger Evans brother, stepping away from Chris's side and giving Scott a hug.

Hey, Trouble. Glad to see you're up and moving. How's the arm?

Can't wait to get this cast off. I'm already tired of it and it's only been a week.

Scott chuckled, greeted his brother with a nod and quick hug of his own. "Chris, you two doing alright? Need anything?"

"No, Scott. We're good. Thanks," the older Evans answered. He adjusted Nika's backpack over his shoulder and watched her slip into a comfortable conversation with Scott. The brothers had been friends with Sebastian and Nika since the four of them were in grade school; when the Evans' family moved back to Boston when the boys were in middle school, every so often Chris and Scott or Nika and Sebastian would spend a weekend with their respective second family. Nothing could tear the bond they had apart.

As they got older, Chris grew closer with both of the Stan siblings while Scott branched out and made friends of his own. He still kept in touch, not as closely as his big brother had but enough to keep the bond with them alive.

Chris's brief trip down memory lane ended abruptly, when a surprised yet happy squeal from Nika met his ears. He turned to find her sprinting through the apparatus bay toward the back of the rigs, Elizabeth's brunette hair fanning out behind her as the two spun around in a reunited embrace. He caught up to them in time to see the sling slip from Nika's arm in all of the excitement.

He tapped her left shoulder and gestured to her right arm. Hey, careful! You're not 100% yet, Nik.

Whoops. Nice catch. Thanks, Cap. she blushed, biting at her lower lip as Chris helped her slip the sling back into place. She did her best to ignore the heat rising in her cheeks at the soft kiss he pressed into the side of her hair.

How long are you here? Elizabeth asked, drawing Nika's attention away from the Squad Captain.

Off duty until my wrist and burns heal, so I guess we'll see. Definitely long enough for girls night!

That's what I like to hear!

The girls erupted into a fit of giggles. Nika hadn't been back in Boston since her breakup three years prior; a nasty one that only Chris and Elizabeth knew the explicit details of. Girls nights had been out in hold in favor of the time and space she needed to work through what happened.

Chris carefully guided a happy and preoccupied Nika to the locker room, followed by Elizabeth, as the two desperately made plans for a much needed wine and gossip night. He knew better than to interrupt.

After depositing his and Nika's things into his locker, Chris finally decided he'd take a chance pulling her away from the party planning for a bit. He found the two friends huddled in a corner of the common area, chatting animatedly over two mugs of fresh coffee. Elizabeth alerted Nika to Chris approaching her from behind and she turned around with a warm smile.

Hey, what's up?

Not much. How's your arm?

Ok, a little sore. Lizzie and I are planning Girls Night.

Chris chuckled. He loved the way Nika's eyes lit up whenever she mentioned plans with their other friends, especially Elizabeth. The two of them were almost as inseparable as Chris and Elizabeth were, and he knew that whenever he couldn't be around for her, Elizabeth would be. He nodded at the brunette and gestured toward the offices.

Mind if I borrow Nik for a moment? There's someone I want you to meet.

Not at all, I need to find Scarlett anyway. I'll see you later. Elizabeth waved them off and went in search of the other paramedic.

So, who am I meeting? Nika asked, following Chris to his office. It'd been three years since she'd stepped foot in that small room, three years since she's been in Boston at all but it still looked exactly as she remembered.

Latest Squad transfer. I think you'll like her, he answered simply. He set her purse on his desk and led her back out to the apparatus bay.

As they rounded the corner, Nika noticed the woman across the bay next to the Squad rig who hadn't been there when they'd arrived. She had wavy chestnut brown hair about as long as Nika's and stood a couple inches shorter than Sebastian. From the back, she could be his twin—a thought that thoroughly disturbed the younger Stan sibling. As the woman turned, Nika noticed the glint of the lights off of something in her hair and squinted, trying to make out what it was.

What was that flash of light in her hair? she asked, pulling Chris to a stop before they approached.

Just go meet her. Please? For me? he said. He reached forward and gently touched her left shoulder, rubbing it reassuringly and tugging her forward with him. "Hey, Daniels. You got a moment?"

The woman paused her inspection of the Squad apparatus, and turned in the direction of Chris's voice. The light caught the strange piece in her hair and now that they'd moved closer, Nika recognized it as a cochlear implant.

"What can I do for you, Captain?" The woman's eyes shifted from her superior over to the younger woman standing next to him. She gave her a polite smile, but kept her professional composer as best she could in the presence of company.

Chris easily slipped back into ASL now that he had her attention, not wanting to leave Nika out of the conversation. He quickly made the proper introductions. Nik, this is Arden Daniels, the new transfer I was telling you about. Arden, this is my best friend in the entire universe and the most badass firefighter I have ever seen, Nika Stan. She's staying with me for a few days during recovery.

Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you. Arden relaxed, shook Nika's hand, and offered the man a small chuckle of her own. So, this is the girl you learned to sign for?

Nika didn't miss the way Chris's cheeks grew a light shade of pink at Arden's accusation, though all she could do herself was stare at her best friend and wait for his answer. She'd always wondered why he'd learned ASL but never thought to ask, assuming that like everyone else, that's just how things went.

I didn't learn for her. He shook his head with a soft smile. He glanced over at Nika whose warm amber eyes were trained on his face, and he couldn't look away. I learned because of her.

Isn't that the same thing? Arden continued once she'd had Chris's attention again.

No.

Arden, now interested in what Chris had to say, sat down on the bumper of the truck behind her. It'd become increasingly clear to Nika throughout this small interaction, that like herself, Arden's experience with hearing people wasn't always positive. Truth be told, she'd never really thought of Chris as "just another hearing person" because he'd never treated her as "just another hearing impaired" girl. But then again, their relationship was different entirely.

How is that not the same thing?

Because I could always learn to sign, but Nik could never learn to hear again. I learned ASL so that I could talk to my favorite person in the world without barriers.

He'd never admitted it before, at least not out loud. No one had ever asked except Sebastian once, and when Chris didn't immediately offer an answer, he didn't press the issue. After that, he never really thought about it. For Chris, it was self-explanatory. Why would you ask a Deaf person to accommodate you in a world that's made for you?

Well, now that that particular cat was out of the bag, Chris wondered how long it would be until Nika knew the truth of how he felt about her. He'd move heaven and hell to see her smile again, but he knew it wouldn't return until she was healed up and back on the job. He couldn't just let her go home after this, not when things were finally taking a step in the right direction.

The world needs more people like you, Captain. Hearing people who don't see us Deaf as something broken to be fixed. Arden said, grabbing Chris's attention once more.

If you think I'm great, you should meet Nik's brother. He taught me everything I know about being a good advocate for the Deaf Community.

Nika rolled her eyes at the mention of Sebastian. She loved her brother, but she was loving her time away from his overprotectiveness even more. Who do you think taught him what he knows? she joked, giving Chris a playful shove.

Arden couldn't help the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she watched the two of them interact. Chris was a goner...it showed in the brightness of his smile and the melody of his laughter.

I'm going to get back to it. But Nika it was nice meeting you. And if you're still around after shift, I'd love to get your number before you go.

It was nice meeting you too. I'm sure I'll see you again before the night's over. Don't let Evans run you into the ground.

Chris put his hand to his chest in mock offense. Hey! I resent that. I am a fantastic Squad Captain.

Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night, C.

The air between Chris and Nika was playful and electric. He led her back to his office in a comfortable silence, her left hand securely tucked into his right one. Both of them were coming down off of the excitement they shared with Arden, and the weight of his near-confession still hung just out of reach.

He shut the door behind her to give them some privacy.

So, what'd you think of Daniels?

Nika shook her head with a chuckle. Female Seb, but Deaf. It's weird.

I thought the same thing when I first met her. She's good at her job. he offered.

Hey, Chris?

Yeah, Nik? What's up?

Chris stopped in front of where Nika leaned carefully against his desk. She was staring down at her shoes, lost in thoughts she hadn't yet shared with him. He tucked his finger under her chin, lifting her head to meet his gaze. What's wrong?

I was just wondering… what are you doing with your time? Her soft honey eyes found his mesmerizing blue ones.

There in the quiet of his office, Chris did the one thing he'd been waiting to do for seven years—before he could talk himself out of it, he leaned down and softly kissed Nika's lips.

It's yours if you want it.

To The End of All Things Taglist: @suitofvibraniumarmor @pinknerdpanda

[in-tua-deep]

tua rewatch with the roommate

Episode five

Oh fuck the “I found you. all your bodies.” scene

“We died?” “Horribly.” throwback to the ben convo o o f

“If perfectly arranged under rubble and otherwise unharmed counts as ‘horribly”’  - roommate

I like that Diego says he’s going to kill Hazel and Cha-Cha like it’s a challenge?? lol five doesn’t care if they live or die he only cares if u do you big dumbass

“Well I know none of the main characters die bc there’s a season 2... and i’m pretty sure they’re all in s2... like all of the family?”

I mean luther is kind of valid for being frustrated that five didn’t share about the apocalypse but also like,,, the first person five told about it (Vanya) suggested he might be insane. so. i can understand some reluctance on his part on top of the whole “the last time my siblings fought this the Whole World Died Including Them i would like them as far away from apocalypse stuff as possible”

okay okay so five says “they turned me into the perfect instrument” so do y’all think that implies experimentation like in the comics or ????

all i can think about during the kennedy scene though is my high school history teacher. he went over the assassination in intimate detail and i’m pretty sure he was writing a book about it and everything. mr. hansen if you’re out there - 

i like feral beard five more than mustache five tbh if i’m picking 

“Someone ELSE shot the president? Was he supposed to shoot kennedy or was he supposed to kill the person who shot kennedy?” - Roommate

love that five tells luther to grow up over murder,,, though to be valid pretty sure they did actually murder people as kids SO. grow down?

fuck i love mary,, will you love me like you loved me in the january rain??? just shoot me in the heart

GOD rob is such a good actor

“wait a second... how is he wearing pants?” oh roommate you have a big storm coming

i have some serious questions about the commission and their methods of communication. where do?? the tubes come from? where do they go after?

Allison: i have a bad feeling [about leonard]

where are these instincts for everything else tho??? her marriage?

“Vanya. she really is trying to look out for you. i really would trust her. you could invite her to come along so she can see he’s perfectly fine??” - Roommate, whose instincts regarding not trusting leonard-harold are spot on

apparently my roommate knows people who put salt in their coffee. i have. so many questions.

“That’s suspicious?? that’s suspicious right?? did he do that? is he a secret serial killer? is he a FUCKING secret serial killer?” roommate when they talk about helen cho going missing

“What do you mean stop showing up it’s been like. a day” - I mean. the roommate has a point. 

Klaus’s depression bath is a mood :(

did klaus put eye shadow on before his bath or did he get his hands on eye shadow in vietnam?? the questions that will never be answered

Five is so enthusiastic about having someone who understands... he doesn’t even notice absolutely Not Being In The Mood,, klaus is grieving and five is just like !!! where did you go!!!! like it was a vacation

klaus: yeah i’m ten months older now. when i’m done being depressed i will lord that over diego for the rest of our natural lives.

does five write in all caps all the time?? why? 

roommate: I wonder what the upper size limit on the knives her can use. like is it machete length? forearm length? what are the limits on his powers. if he sharpened a very sharp mechanical pencil could he use it? if he sharpened a piece of the chandelier? at what point does something become a knife?

me: could he hurl mia (my cat)? mia and her knife feet?

allison also writes in all caps to write leonard’s address

we stan agnes and hazel in this household

“I never said we didn’t !! i just thought she was just a random extra in the first episode and every time we cut away i think that’s the last we’ve seen of her” - roommate because i keep saying that this is an agnes stan household

“OH THERE’S THE PATCHWORK COAT i was afraid it didn’t come back” - okay though good question he definitely didn’t have the coat on the bus. what is it with klaus and his magically appearing coat????

oh :(  oh klaus :(  every time klaus is sad i am also sad :(

honestly a family conversation IS the threat in this family

god though this random vet in this bar is actually an asshole though like. klaus doesn’t owe him shit. klaus served. he’s clearly having a moment with the photo. that could have been a family member or something who died i don’t even know

agnes: i’m a twitcher :)

“like a twitch streamer?” -Roommate

PLEASE give me twitch streamer!Agnes au

look i just enjoy hazel and agnes

roommate: honey you’re too young for her

me: NO DON’T BE MEAN TO THEM,,, agnes deserves a boytoy

“does diego drive a manual?” my roommate once again focusing on things that i do not

five: i have to find the people whose deaths could save the timeline

my roommate: is it agnes?? is he going to kill agnes????

i’m still laughing about that fact that luther is holding dolores.... over the fire escape... she couldn’t drop that far lads

luther’s dumb sometimes but he does have some nice heart to hearts with his brother,,,, honestly he and five get along pretty well in the early episodes. kindred spirits. body dysmorphia and isolation squad.

my roommate has to keep remembering social media doesn’t exist in this universe

i am still confused as to why

that won’t stop me from giving everyone iphones and youtube accounts in my aus though

diego can curve ANYTHING he throws, usually knives, according to cha-cha’s research. but that doesn’t explain the spoilers i have seen about s2 sO

Klaus: You also told me that licking a nine volt battery would give me pubes

HOW DID I FORGET THAT LINE

oh diego got a bullet graze forgot about that as well?? does he ever get like. medical attention for that? diego?????

it really has been like. maybe two days since helen cho died. is no one??? concerned????? they just immediately jump into replacing her??????????????????? hellO? 

“very clear camera angles to show that this actress did not actually play the violin for this role” - i mean that’s fair but ellen is trying rip

me: who’s your favorite character so far?  roommate: that’s a tricky question. klaus is very entertaining to watch. allison is the most reasonable and i’m very interested to know, well, she seems like the best combination of reasonable and has the least selfish intentions. diego and luther i feel like are both good in a bland way in that they’re both doing good in the best way they can which usually involves punching people. five is fun. five is very fun. five is as fun to watch as klaus, they’re both very fun actors to watch on screen. they’re more expressive than diego and luther tend to be.  me: so which is your favorite?????  roommate: first instinct says allison, though she probably has the least dynamic or interesting arc so far

are hazel and cha-cha the best because their victims never see them coming?? like. they aren’t really THAT competent.

“I do LOVE the aesthetic of an ice cream truck playing ride of the valkyries” - my roommate is valid

“LOVE the hypersaturated background in this scene. it’s more fun that having it be desaturated.”

five looks so baby in this scene with the handler :(

still unsure where five got that handgun but i’m vibing

hate when she touches his face !! awful!!!

the handler’s little “all of them??” like yeAH ALL OF THEM even though they irritate the living FUCK out of each other. siblings man

ben gets shotgun for the getaway !!! go ben!

“I’m starting to think... given how space and reality seemed to be warping during her playing... that her medication... isn’t for anxiety...” - oh, oh roommate

ah i blocked out the leonard vanya make out as well

“DIDN’T YOU MEET HIM TWO DAYS AGO?” - yeah i feel u roommate

yup there’s helen’s body

“CSI call crime scene investigation - that’s going to start to smell real soon”

pogo: and you understand that the children can never know

me: actually pogo fuck you

and that’s episode 5 everyone thank you and goodnight

episode six

i do love a good flashback to klaus

klaus: sees a shirtless soldier and instantly falls in love

they don’T EVEN QUESTION HIM just “KATZ GET THIS MAN A PAIR OF PANTS” and they go with it?? he just APPEARED and they don’t even care

klaus was really just vibing in the 60s huh

wait this is like 1962 or 63 right

when does s2 take place?? also the 60s right???

didn’t kennedy die in 1963 i feel like what i know about s2 contradicts that date but i could have sworn they said a round trip to 1963??????

luther is SUCH A MOOD in the family briefing.

“aww he’s a bad liar” - roommate

“I realize that [the umbrella] was necessary for the title drop but where the fuck did that come from”

@ the handler please stop touching five,,, but also five has such. non reactions to her touching him. which worries me. like she grabs his shoulder walking alongside him and he doesn’t even look at her

why are there gas masks in the briefcase room...

can you IMAGINE if your boss toted a child into the room and introduced him as the Legendary Time Travelling Assassin that the whole office had a betting pool over who would die that one time and is Definitely approaching 60 not 13... and then called him LEADERSHIP MATERIAL. implying that this child will probably get a promotion before you do?? can you IMAGINE?

“again... two days ago...” roommate about leonard and vanya

vanya really chose literally just the worst time to come back to the academy huh

okay but vanya going off?? valid, but also,, i mean. it IS their dads fault that they don’t have any relationship with vanya?

luther: it’s about the moon  roommate: critical role moon theory

hey like. how did the family get together in the first timeline holy fuck. it’s hard enough to get them together when they Literally Know The World Is Going To End

so remember diego getting grazed with a bullet yeah well he has a sling on now which makes sense!! and yet. when five got grazed by a bullet he SLAPS A BANDAID ON IT. someone please address this.

five is such an asshole coworker i love it

i wonder if dot is a mother. or just a nice coworker. she keeps trying to talk to him and invite him to lunch aww

i wonder if it’s purposeful on the handler’s part to call him “mr. five” instead of “mr. hargreeves” to like... further isolate him from his family? by removing his last name they’re sort of removing his ties to his siblings considering it’s not like they’re related by blood

forgot how much i hate the bathroom scene !! wow !! hate it so much!!! there’s so many violations of social etiquette in such a short scene! it’s so deeply uncomfortable!

luther: stop it pogo! you know everything our dad did

i am remembering once again how much i hate pogo all over again!! reginald literally locked klaus in a mausoleum!! he abused the kids! pogo didn’t even speak up about sending luther to the MOON,,, oh luther :(

he just learned his dad exiled him for no reason he has lots of rights his entire world view was just shattered wow i am like infinitely more sympathetic to luther on the second watch

“I knew allison and luther was a thing. you told me allison and luther was a weird thing. still not a fan.” - my very valid roommate

they could have made the fort so much more sibling-y instead of romantic and it would have been so much better honestly

oh dave :(

“I wonder who her primary care physician is and if she can find out what that medication was...” roommate i wish i knew

“I’m trying to decide if he knew ahead to time to try and get at her specifically or like... i don’t know when he took the figurine I was like ‘doesn’t he own an antique shop is he there to steal antiques from the family home’.” roommate on leonard

forgot the handler gifted five a suit. also don’t like that. don’t like her talk about his body and everything either.

“is it too much to ask to give him two outfits? one he can wear now and one with the new body?” - roommate

honestly with hazel’s talk on budget cuts i’m not surprised he only gets one suit

STOP TOUCHING HIS FACE,,,, HANDLER. STOP TOUCHING HIS FACE

five and his sweet tooth. don’t take the candy five. come on. what did your father TEACH YOU. honestly reggie probably was like “let them get kidnapped it will probably teach them a life lesson”

“there were like... villages that needed rebuilding after disasters. he could have been sending these packages to legit lunar research facilities. legit facilities would have adored to have that information.” 

okay but people KNEW he was on the moon. cha-cha mentioned it. it was in vanya’s book. why were scientists not knocking down reginald’s door demanding the research??? if i was a moon scientist i would have the mansion staked out trying to demand info jesus

“love his eye fluttering in the way of ‘oh shit i got something in my eye i can’t break character scene is still going scene is stILL GOING’“ - hilarious observations from the allison luther fort scene 2.0: grown up version that gets erased

did they just leave the fort up all those years. did no one USE the green house??? did grace lovingly work around it all that time?

oh :(  dave :(

grace is capable of lying and pogo is a shadowy motherfucker

“okay now that they’re actually putting it into the plot i understand why you don’t think he’s trustworthy but you really got on my back about that”

in my defense i just hate him tbh i did not like him when he first showed up and i never particularly liked him tbh

allison: i think you’re the only person who knows who i am and likes me anyway

me, remembering the theory that allison rumored luther to love her: HMMMMMM

okay but i think the luther and allison dance scene is fucking HILARIOUS. absolutely ridiculous. i mean i hate that it’s incest but also the fucking LIGHTS DESCENDING. the RANDOM WARDROBE CHANGE. 

roommate likes the green underskirt thing under allison’s random dance dress

are they just doing this in public???

ugh. the kiss. ugh. erased that from my memory as well

“they clearly want romance in this show but they painted themselves into a corner with the siblings thing” - roommate

five and his fucking STAPLERS isn’t this the second time he’s knocked someone out with a stapler?? the bank robber and now gloria??

five please your siblings were finally doing some decent work on their own issues :/

five is the kind of dramatic as fuck entrances 

“love how he just grabs [allison’s] coffee. kid needs a coffee after all that.” - roommate

five actually does a good job of rallying the siblings though?? they just broke the fuck up in the og timeline

“something tells me that harold jenkins might be leonard”

oh roommate

episode seven

uh oh harold was born

i feel vaguely bad for him

“me the night before a convention” - roommate on harold’s tape and cosplay and everything

okay but how did reginald even KNOW harold jenkins had no powers?? did he? keep tabs on all the forty some kids not just the seven he kept?

but also why the fuck are these people laughing at An Actual Child fuck all of them honestly

“did HE kill hargreeves?? I mean. he’s got motive.” - roommate

harold really said “i think my superpower is actually this hammer motherfucker”

how did he get twelve years?? was he tried as an adult?? was he in juvie? how old WAS he

twelve years ago... they’re 29 soooo seventeen? he did NOT look seventeen? he was NOT seventeen in that flashback what???

roommate theorizes that harold ran off after the murder and committed petty crimes until caught and tried for murder when he was seventeen so was maybe 13 in the flashback

okay so i looked up the timeline and he got out in 2014 or something so he was like 13 in the flashback which makes SO much more sense honestly but also what the FUCK was he doing for five years

“he’s actually laying out all the facts as he knows them and I appreciate that.” -roommate about five briefing the team

five?? the only member of the family with communication skills? it’s? somehow more likely than you think?

“allison’s pants that she’s wearing now are the most perfectly tailored things i’ve ever seen. not even a wrinkle when she’s standing still. do you know how hard that is to do?” again my roommate noticing the things i absolutely do not

five. five. you have a GUT WOUND and also jumped a BUNCH OF TIMES. you are not blinking into the police station and getting the file. you need some SLEEP. and REST. and WOUND CARE FIVE FOR FUCK’S SAKE. you still have a GUNSHOT GRAZE on your upper arm and a SLICE on your wrist from DIGGING OUT A TRACKER. FIVE.

diego wants to be batman SO BAD.

five crossing his arms and Not Uncrossing Them because he’s literally HOLDING HIMSELF TOGETHER.

wow luther is really handling this so much worse in this timeline rip

luther is losing validity points for CHOKING KLAUS i knew this happened but i didn’t remember how awful it was !!! bad and terrible! and luther is very drunk and very sad and very angry. oh. he’s saying he never left the house and never had friends for nothing :(

klaus had the realization that reggie was an asshole YEARS ago and he’s just kind of like “aww. luther :(” 

klaus is trying so hard

“Klaus has had the most heart to hearts with the most siblings honestly.” - roommate

allison at the beginning making her laugh in the office with the EYES, five on the steps of meritech, diego after the vet bar, luther on the couch...

wow cha cha really thought hazel was talking about how meaningful his partnership was with her when he was talking about agNES

five limping up the lawn and staggering up the stairs and clinging to the rails baBY SIT DOWN. YOU ARE BLEEDING.

“inspiring leadership” “one of the greats” what a sibling moment honestly.

five really said “i think i will pass the fuck out now”

five really said “hey i am literally willing to die for this mission because this mission is the safety and lives of my entire family and i love you guys :(”

except he doesn’t because five is decent at information sharing but getting feelings out of him feels like pulling teeth at times smh

is leonard trying to vicariously live his “normal child born on the umbrella academy day discovers they have had powers the WHOLE TIME” dream through vanya??

we yell about how leonard and vanya have known each other for like a week but i mean same for hazel and agnes!! he’s literally asking her to run away with him and she says yes !!!!! agnes is here for the romantic adventure with this man she’s really living her first hot girl summer and living for it

“she’s having her own little rom com! she thinks she’s living in a rom com not a dark sci fi!” - roommate accurate as usual

she just called ben the emotional support ghost and i mean... she ain’t wrong

honestly klaus should have just left luther to his rave, he didn’t get to party in his teens or during his college years or anything

i do appreciate the viking yell of “B R O T H E R” that luther greets klaus with though because that’s exactly how i greet my own siblings whenever i see them

oh klaus :(

oh klaus :(

he’s having war flashbacks, cravings, is in withdrawal, AND experiencing sensory overload while reliving one of the more traumatizing moment of his life

oh klaus :(

five in a bed for the second time of the season which is nice for him. if only the first time wasn’t because he passed out drunk and the second time wasn’t because of a whole shrapnel wound. i am now that captain of the Let Five Sleep brigade holy SHIT like at least they imply that the others sleep five is just feral and ready to go at all times

are the police allowed to just. remove someone’s arm sling? is that permitted? his arm could be fucked up? i mean. it is? he was shot?

“I saw everything my brothers and sister could do ruin their lives” VANYA some REALIZATION up in here,,,, admitting that the umbrella academy wasn’t exactly a desirable place to be is actually some real growth for her and leonard just fucking shuts her down? fuck that man

VANYA SEE THE RED FLAGS FOR WHAT THEY ARE COME ON

oh klaus :(  oh luther :(  oh :(

“love his corset side pants, like benedict from violet evergarden” - on the topic of Klaus’s pants

“I made everyone else so I must have made you” says god except for the fact that the kids just... surprise popped up instead of coming about the natural way. maybe god DIDN’T made them????????

oh klaus :(  prepare for disappointment :(

oh i didn’t notice the photos of the umbrella academy in the barbershop the first time i watched this

so klaus gives an age for the mausoleum... thirteen... do you think that was before or after five left? statistically it’s probably after bc it was only a couple of months after they turned thirteen that five vanished

Klaus’s “we were just kids” breaks my heart every time

if i was one of reggie’s kids i would have just not gone to the funeral. rip to the hargreeves kids but i’m different

he doesn’t even call klaus klaus in death, he still calls klaus number four. fuck that man.

“i was gonna say i’d have been very very surprised if they kept him dead” - roommate on klaus waking up

“Five bucks says he set these guys up to try and get something out of her” - the roommate being very perceptive

cha cha is VERY rude to my girl agnes

honestly why DIDN’T hazel just kill cha cha after her whole speech and threats about killing agnes slowly in front of him???? like he literally watched her try to kill him as well

why wasn’t diego arrested in the original day that wasn’t actually?? he was being considered already. he still left the house, albeit with grace instead of allison. why wasn’t he arrested then???????? 

roommate thinks it’s interesting how committed the show is to their old timey shit. she used a nicer words like anachronisms but the point is: w h y

are these episodes even longer than i remember?? holy SHIT

[shift-shaping]

41 and 43 for the ask meme?

lol i decided to do all of them instead

re: the lioness and the wolf

under cut

50 Questions to ask about your romance

Why do they care about each other? They begin with mutual admiration, then trust, then a sort of faith in each other's abilities that quickly turns allies into friends and finally lovers. She is disarming and clever and brave and (despite her own opinion of herself) very wise. He is compassionate and intelligent and world-weary, with a weight of guilt about him that Eirwen recognizes in herself.

Why should your reader care about them? They have a mature, reasonable, yet still complex relationship built on mutual respect and admiration and also have very good sex.

How do their friends feel about their relationship? Adaar, Dagna, and Cole (probably the people closest to them in Skyhold) are all supportive. Adaar is very happy for them and Cole likes how happy they make each other.

How do their families feel? Morrigan is the closest thing Eir has to family and she is not a fan of Solas. She didn't like Alistair either, though. I honestly don't know that she'd like any romance option for Eir because she is the sibling that immediately dislikes any of her sister's dates because 'men are stupid' and so is any woman Eirwen would be interesting in. If Eirwen's parents were alive they would definitely think Solas is too old for her (correct!) but otherwise find him neat.

What do they dislike about each other? Solas is absolutely baffled by how often Eirwen puts herself in serious danger and generally acts with little regard for her wellbeing. 'You throw yourself into battle like it's a duty', or something. She is frustrated by his tendency to be patronizing and to pick fights with Morrigan.

What do they argue about? Wardens, Solas being racist/out of touch/condescending, Eirwen making bad life decisions

What do they do together? Talk and talk and talk and wander around and drink wine and talk some more and light something on fire.

How often do they have sex? As often as Solas can handle because Wardens Fuck.

What is their sexual dynamic? Both are switches, but Solas leans more dominant and Eir is very happy either way.

Who initiates sex most often? Eirwen.

How physically affectionate are they? Very, though more in the sense of holding hands for a quick moment, standing close to each other, gossiping in the back of the party, etc. as opposed to literally hanging off each other all the time.

How do they act in public Vs in private? In public they are fairly mature and restrained. In private it does not take long for sex to start happening only to get interrupted by more talking.

What is their favourite kind of kiss? Solas loves kissing her hairline/forehead and she loves kissing his cheek. Both find each other's preferred kiss silly but love it anyway.

Who gets their way most often? It would probably seem like Solas does but Eirwen is just not that opinionated and usually gives up on arguments pretty quickly. When she does want something, she always gets it.

Where was their first date? Fighting a dragon in the Dirth Getting sad in the garden Getting trapped in the Fade Being petty in Halamshiral I'm not actually sure lol

How often do they go on dates? They go places and do dumb shit together often but I think their dreams are more like dates. So, very often.

Do they live together? Sort of. He spends a lot of time in her room because as far as I can fucking tell Solas does not actually have quarters in Skyhold and just sleeps on that ratty old couch like a loser. She has a bed, at least.

How long was their flirting phase? Several months, thereabouts.

How do they sleep when they're together? She CLINGS in their sleep and just puts most of her weight on him. He is so touch-starved that he usually just lets her unless she's cutting off his circulation.

Who is the most clingy? Physically, Eirwen. Emotionally, Solas.

Do they steal each others clothes? Not really, but I could see them doing it. If she had a particularly nice hat or something that she wasn't using I could see him taking it if he needed extra warmth. She'd definitely put on his shirt or something just to turn him on (which would work, because he's a pervert).

What petty opinions do they not agree on? Solas wants like six tablespoons of sugar in his coffee as well as creamer and Eirwen thinks it's fucking disgusting even though she has a sweet tooth, too. He also definitely likes red velvet cake and she thinks it's dumb. They agree that cream cheese frosting is incredible. Solas isn't into the concept of keeping an animal as a pet (he likes animals, just not pets) but Eirwen would definitely keep a shit ton of rescue critters if she could. She LOVES birds and would never remove a nest no matter how inconvenient, but the second one shits on his head he'd move it himself.

Why did they choose each other? Mutual respect, admiration, and intense physical attraction. She loves his arms and he loves her... everything (but definitely her breasts and butt, although he would never say that to anyone except her). Like if he were at the Hanged Man and Varric or Bull tried to push him on talking about sex with her he would not elaborate beyond it being good and happening often, and even that would be cloaked in implication. Even with a decent amount of alcohol he wouldn't say more than that she's beautiful. She, meanwhile, would immediately tell Sera he has a huge dick and is extremely good at oral, which would probably make Sera physically ill.

What is their biggest problem? She's dying and he's himself.

How do their jobs/education affect their relationship? lol. This would take a really long time to answer in full but it's hopefully clear in the story. He thinks it sucks that she's a Warden and that she had to go through the abuse of the Circle but knows she'd be a very different person otherwise. She's doing her best to parse through him being Fen'Harel because her frame of reference for elven culture is minimal. As members of the Inquisition, it brought them together and means she has her own quarters for them to bone in.

Do they share the same music taste? They would both definitely love a good fiddle.

Why did they meet? She was dying (a theme) and he rescued her and healed her. Interestingly, this was almost immediately after Wisdom died.

If they aren't together yet, why not?

What if the biggest challenge they have to overcome? Spoilers spoilers lol.

What is their most noticeable physical difference? She's very dark-skinned and he's fairly pale. Also, she has lots of lovely hair and he has none lol.

What are their opinions on marriage? Eirwen thinks it's dumb and Solas is indifferent because I imagine marriage was probably weird in elvhenan. But they'd do something informal to express their intentions of being together for a very long time. And Eirwen would be into the tax benefits.

What are their opinions on children? Neither of them has any interest in children of their own but they're both neutral on kids as a concept. I think Eirwen probably sees them more as tiny adults, though.

Is their relationship healthy? Why/why not? Yes. They are open with each other and clear about their wants/needs, or at least as much as possible given plot circumstances.

How do their past relationships affect them? I get the sense that Solas has a probably-unhealthy tendency to (lowkey?) worship those he loves. He probably had very few serious relationships, but I imagine each was monumental for him at the time. He feels very deeply and passionately and any losses he's been through make him want to protect her, which he cannot do. She is constantly reminded of Alistair, of how deeply she loved him and how thoroughly she believes she failed him. She tried for a long time not to get seriously attached to anyone else as a result. With Solas, she is trying to let go of that tendency to keep everyone at a distance.

Do they love each other, or are they in love? Both. He loved her before he was in love with her, but I think both happened for her at the same time.

Why should your readers root for them? They are essentially good people trying their best.

Do they both put an equal amount of effort into the relationship? I think Solas puts in a little more. He worships her, to some extent.

Who do they turn to when their relationship has problems? Themselves. They talk to each other unless it's something REALLY wild and plot-related that requires some inner calculations first.

Who does the most mundane household tasks? Solas in the evening, Eirwen in the morning.

What do they do when the other is mad? Eirwen uses humor to distract him, and if that doesn't work just lets him rant until he tires himself out. She doesn't get angry very often, so I don't know if Solas would have an immediate solution or reaction to her anger, which would lead him to be overly-logical and probably piss her off more. Then he'd feel really fucking bad and let her get it all out before doing whatever he could to make things better. Alternatively, they'd agree on whatever is pissing them off and just rant together and get all shitty until nobody else can stand to be around them. Then they'd fuck.

How do their flaws clash? She's too reckless for him and though he believes she'll be okay there's still a voice in his head that's like 'but what if she's not?' She thinks he's overreacting.

Why do you enjoy writing them? They both have such rich personal histories with fun parallels. They are equals, despite him being who he is, and see each other as such. She asserts her position as his equal in power and intelligence and refuses to let him doubt her capabilities, even in the interest of her own protection. Her wit and confidence ground him. They both need certainty and reassurance that they are more than what others see them as. They make each other feel whole.

What small quirks do they like about each other? From early on she's admired how gentle he can be with his hands even when he's upset. He loves how easily distracted she is by birds and flowers and miscellaneous wildlife and finds her infodumps about various critters extremely endearing.

What would a stranger think if they saw them out together? "Fucking apostates." Or, alternatively: "...Is that the Hero of Ferelden?"

How do they show the other that they love them? Physical affection and 'acts of service' or whatever. Doing little favors for each other and noticing the other's needs before they voice them.

What made them fall in love? Eirwen first felt a hint of something for him when she saw him helping the Vilbirn survivors. He first felt something when she turned into a fucking dragon. Over time, though, it was the slow realization that the other person genuinely cared for them and respected their abilities and experiences that made them truly fall in love.

Have they ever took a break?

What was their biggest fight about? ~*Wardens*~

What do they give as gifts? Food, because they both forget to eat. But also little love notes.

He is well-aware of their animal symbolism and kind of loves it. Like, he would call their story 'the lioness and the wolf' because he's a dramatic moron.

Sera: So, you and droopy?

Eir: Droopy? Hardly.

Sera: What --EWW hahahaha!

[adultingautistic]

help? rambling! sorry for that thing.

(saw in the ask-section: so written today as of the 20th of August in the year 2020)

Hey,

No idea how to approach this. Though first things first: English is not my native language and I have some trouble with languages (even my native) [mostly speaking and writing… and understanding (the hearing part but sometime also the meaning part) – okay I just can’t language – sorry] and this thingy here will be long, again – sorry Though I learned to understand written english just so I could read more fanfictions (‘cause the ones in my native language didn’t satisfy me anymore) - spend a whole summer just reading stuff in english and now I *need* to read everything in english and watch things in their native production language (synchro is weird af) and if possible with subtitles (books: if it’s the authors native language; otherwise both languages (german and english) would be translated and then it doesn’t really matter, most of the time anyway)

WARNING: Messy, chaotic and about 2500 words long. Sorry. and it isn’t proof read and some sentences could be… not a sentence

I think I might be autistic / have adhd ? not sure, going to someone (professional) is not really an option as that would take at least 6 to 12 month to even get maybe a appointment… and it involves a lot of social interaction that would stress all people – even those that don’t have to think about *every* interaction they have with eachother… like no planning or thinking about what you have to say or can’t say and what’s appropriate? Like that is a thing – always wondered how most people got through life when everything is so damn hard. It is apparently a thing that isn’t so quite normal… lol*

Okay, most of the time (that I remember) wondered how that worked for everyone else except me – how they get through life thinking all those things, or well… don’t thinking all those things like HOW?!? Why can you “people”? and I learned it’s important if you’re a girl or not; so yeah, girl here. Followed adhd / autism stuff for a few month / weeks and now again for the last days (it’s an on and off thing). so yeah, I can relate to so much on like everything. Long time I thought, nah, can’t have it: good in school (more so when I was younger but never actually bad), finished school good (though could have been better, if I had studied once (like for my oral exam, I opened the document that should help us learn one whole time, the morning of the exam so yeah, not good at that; brain just goes, heard it once, why should I read this information? Can’t really recall it but while reading I “know” it, so WhAt Is STuDyInG?)) anyway (at this point I would have deleted about everything but like 3 or 4 sentences because… rambling. Sorry, but I think it is important what’s actually going on in my brain; I know it’s hard to read lol) considering all those things I read here (and on other blogs and stuff), I would explain so much about what’s going on in my life (I made a document where I collect all that stuff but it’s redundant sometimes and really messy; try to make a short list with most important things).

Like as a kid, it took me longer than other kids for this social stuff (not like it got “everything”, just enough to communicate more or less lol) or I was so freaking focused on rules; one example is at the train station, there is this line to indicate where you should wait for the train and the other side is where you’re allowed to step once the train is in the station – I lost it, when that rule wasn’t followed (never really big, loud but I was really upset – you know, I learned that it isn’t “allowed” to act out in public). Another thing, I would always get the adults (or kids) around me to speak to others: I mean, I wanted ice cream? Couldn’t order it (still hard to this day – I’m 19 years old btw) or any other basic interaction stuff – I mean I broke every connection to my best friend (in 6th grade, so I was like 10 or 11) because he broke a rule while playing “hide and seek” like yeah, one rule one time while playing and I didn’t speak to him for like 6-7 years (met him at driving school again lol) and I still have his book because I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore (now it’s just awkward to give it back).

As I was younger I loved reading, couldn’t get me away from it – now not so much lol (books or reading in general is so hard sometimes… most of the time) – but that is more like: I lost myself in the books and was super focused on it – now I “don’t have time” as in I can’t really read a book if I don’t have theoretically the whole day and night – cause if I have to do stuff later “there is not enough time to read a book” because I could get lost in it and miss stuff and 5 hours is like 5 minutes, right? (that is a part of “time blindness”, am I mistaken? – never really related to that on a deeper level but the longer it think about it, the more stuff comes to my mind that could be part of it lol / like I always at least try to) get ready when I want to visit my grandparents, it’s like a ten minute walk so I need at least 45 minutes to prepare. Example: want to be there at 14:00 so I should go to the bathroom around 13:15 the latest, bathroom always takes long ‘cause I get distracted, so I then somehow get going around 13:50 – spoiler: I need more like at least 15 minutes not less then 10 to get to my grandparents by foot – and where is the time? I got out of the bathroom somewhere before 13:40 most of the time – I do the exact same things every time and sometimes I’m like: oh, it’s like 13:25/13:30, why would I think I need so much time to get ready? And then most often I need longer – and no, then I start to got even earlier (bathroom is like the first thing in the routine I do before I have to leave the house) and somehow it is now 13:45 and I just leave the bathroom – HOW??)

Okay, MSWord tells me, I have written like almost a 1100 words and haven’t even looked at my 11 page document – sorry (can I even write that many words in an ask at tumblr?)

Another thing I found is RSD – of my god (I usually don’t like to use it like that but omg), that explains so much – don’t want to write too much (missed quite a few “too”s I think lol hope you understand anyway) – I really react so intense to small, constructive criticism and I didn’t (don’t) understand why; and question everything; I remember everything I did wrong (so many “small” things but I’m such bad at human sometimes) and the feels and oh no, I didn’t even do something wrong, my coworker/sort-of-not-really-friend told me how I could have slightly improved what I did: I’m such a bad human, I can’t do anything right and they won’t want to have to do anything with me again – thank you brain, not helpful. One other thing was, like I asked for one weekend of and I wasn’t allowed to take it ‘cause they planned to or already shifted an event (couldn’t really focus on that) to that weekend and I didn’t know it and when they said “no”, in that situation I could have lost it, I was almost in tears (you do not cry in public lol) and thought, how could I even ask that and be soo egoistic (along the lines of that).

This next one is just the text copied from a post but that is like exactly what it is for me:

“I literally thought all the symptoms were the default way a brain works, so you’re telling me some of you can “choose” what to pay attention to? Like, if you know you absolutely have to listen to and remember something you just “can” even if you don’t like it?

And if you’re at a restaurant and three other tables are having conversations you don’t just automatically absorb everything they’re saying?

And if you know you have to do something within the next hour it won’t just remind you of a different subject entirely which reminds you of another different subject entirely and you don’t just take you three days to remember the original thing you were doing????”

so true lol.

Found another post with autism signs in adults (that my have been missed as kids), I took out everything I don’t really relate to (like 5 or 6 things lol):

-          may constantly rehears conversations or interactions

-          may feel as though you are always on stage

-          may have a few close friends, not many acquaintances

-          may struggle with other people breaking rules (RULES ARE ABSOLUT – HOW CAN YOU BREAK THEM?)

-          may often fidget, chew, tap, or other repetitive behaviors

-          may get more or less upset at something than is “appropriate”

-          may struggle to adjust when plans change without warning

-          may have routines that don’t seem to have a real purpose

-          may struggle in situations that are unfamiliar

-          may be a very picky eater with few preferred foods

-          may struggle with noises, touching, or sensory input

-          may struggle to process visual or auditory information

-          may struggle to settle body down enough for restful sleep (though I now have a weighted blanket and that’s soo awesome, it really helps at least a bit (don’t wake up that often at night anymore))

-          may struggle to keep track of a fast conversation

-          may take jokes very literally, and not understand teasing

-          may miss sarcasm or subtleties while others are speaking

I understand teasing, I can more or less successful tease and be sarcastic but I’m not sure if people are teasing me. I do not prefer to communicate via text or email. It is still very stressful for me - a telephone is also bad (tone and stuff, not understanding the words correct and not even seeing the other person and in person is also bad – so no to communication and/or interaction lol)

I could provide example for everything but I’m at around 1700 words and just no.

Didn’t really mention sensory stuff, another post I found: “basically, your day-to-day sensory input shouldn’t be causing you distress. sounds wild, i know, but it’s not neurotypical for the stimuli (be it sound, touch, visual, etc etc) you encounter on a day-to-day basis to make you unhappy. also, if busy shopping malls or crowded parties consistently cause you distress or agitation, that’s a neurodiverse thing. it sounds strange, but apparently but yeah, it’s normal for most people to expect to be comfortable in their day to day surroundings.”

Like on one level, I knew it couldn’t be quite “normal” to be always uneasy in “normal” day to day surroundings but like, I can’t understand how people can not find it hard to be in such environment (I heard some enjoy it even, like HOW?).

Random interjection ‘cause I wanted to say something to thing from the beginning: * “Allistics do not “prepare” in order to socialize.  They do not have scripts.  They do not write them, memorize them, or use them.  They just magically know what to say. “ yeah, wow, didn’t realise that for a long time, and it is really magically. But somehow they can; I still ask my mom to help me write emails (more or less important ones) ‘cause it’s hard and she’s always like: “we do it so often, why do you still need help, just write” – not helpful and we didn’t do it actually ‘cause it is a complete different situation now lol every new email is a new thing… I need to think about what to say to the cashier every damn time I’m in the supermarket lol; if I don’t have to talk, someone else orders for me (they thinks I’m lazy or so, I don’t know but it’s so hard and you know what to do, so you can do it lol)

And that executive dysfunction thingy also explains a lot – I mean, I like languages, I’m just not good at that speaking/hearing the words thing – still, I learn Ancient Greek as a sort of hobby (I mean, I learn it for so long now, it’s too late to stop, that would be weird and it is really interesting, just really hard) and I needed like 7 hours to do the work (like, got out of bed, got breakfast, started the computer and did like 30 minutes of working, then did some stuff on the internet for like an hour and then ate my forgotten breakfast, then did some more browsing (I need to do the work cause I have to send it to my teacher this evening lol) some work for like almost an hour, some more phone, a bit of work – and so on. I did some work (but like so many people would have done more or needed less time lol) – anyway I know I really need to work on the language and I just… don’t. arg, that sucks so much, every week I think, I could start doing things on Saturday and then everyday a bit so I have like six days to do some work and every time it’s Thursday and I’m like, lol 10 hours for doing a weeks work. And it’s not like I could focus for that 10 hours – except when I can but sadly it’s almost never on the things I *need* to do. Anyway if my parents hadn’t provided dinner, I wouldn’t have eaten more than breakfast today – anyways sometime I want ice cream or other stuff and I just… can’t do it like I’m sitting here for an hour now, I’m so freaking bored and I just want ice cream but do I move? Nope, and doing something to not feel bored? Nope. I also mean to get my thingy for my wrist ‘cause I have some problems and typing hurts but lol, nope. An example as kid would be I needed hours to dry myself after a shower and just sit on the floor in my room doing more or less nothing or playing (I now a have strategy but yeah)

So, yeah, sorry; I think it’s quite possible that I’m autistic / have adhd, both or so – am I making things up and this is just my mind going a bit wild? (also, I’ve done some online “tests”; most of the time I get like ¾ of the maximal points, but at least always more than half the full points)

Sorry, it’s a messy, long thing but I need a bit of an advice or so – just, like “yeah, could be possible” or “nope.”

Thanks if you made it to the end! 20.08.2020

PS. could write so much more in my mind but nope. i think one can get my point. otherwise just ask me

PPS. actually talked with my grandmother about it, lol, she said, it would explain some things she wondered about lol (never thought i would talk in real life with someone about it but i really needed to talk about my thoughts and then i couldn’t shut up and i was so worried but she is kinda cool with it? though she doen’t really know anything about the topic except what i told her so yeah. i acually have no clue how to approach my mum (even if it isn’t autism/adhd or so, i think i have to talk about how i tick a bit lol) (sorry, just had to write it a least lol)

so sorry, needed a part two (cause brain is stupid)

Okay, part two (I’m so sorry) (now it is the 21st of August 2020)

There is so much more I can write about: sorry, again like 1300 words.

Like, special interests – I have no idea; as I kid my teacher had to regularly remind me that I have to leave the classroom for break – cause I was so into my book that I didn’t hear anyone leaving the room or the bell; now I can get really invested in some fanfictions (if I have like five days for myself and nothing to do, it is like 3 books without a break) and I’m at a point where I don’t find (good) new stuff and read the same fanfic again and again (I know exactly what will happen and still love it), sometimes I don’t read it for like a few weeks or month and then like 5 times back to back. I absolutely love Doctor Who (but I’m not excessively obsessive or so and don’t know that many facts just some), just can ramble for a few minutes (okay, everyone who would listen speaks German and my main input for Doctor Who is English, so hard to translate that and stuff). Well back to books: I love them; even though I can’t properly focus much these day, I love them, I need them: but why? I hate that when book covers changes or the side of the book like it’s: publisher, name of book, author and the next book is like name of the book, publisher, author and all is mixed up or the symbol of the publisher is slightly different: why? Can’t it be consistent? Why??.

Routines, rituals and stuff. Yeah, I have for example this one street (they repaired the street but there is a small crack now), I have to cross it on the side that is where the street crosses another and then the last 3 steps have to be on the other side and the fourth is stepping on the sidewalk (I really can’t do it any other way and I hate this one car that always blocks the crack a bit – it shouldn’t be standing there ‘cause it’s almost directly in the crossing lol) when I still was going to school, my way home was very specific and one time there was a building/construction site (just some repairs or work on the pipe lines in the ground) and the first time I saw this I was stressed after a long day of school and almost lost it right there and then, because I couldn’t walk my normal way (and yes, at home I cried at bit); for the next few weeks my way back home was hell. I have some specific routines for the bathroom and showering (though most people have that, right?). I have to pack my things and then my stuff like keys and such in the same way every time. When I need a walk I have like two (or three) routes I can take and I have to do them and almost can’t change them after I started (I can though it really throws me off and I don’t feel really well after that). One time – cause Covid-19 and stuff – you need to use a shopping cart where I live in order to enter the supermarket (so you keep more distance) – so, I went to the market by foot and had everything planned, shortly before I am at the store I realise I don’t have a “chip” (thingy you need to use the shopping cart; don’t know if you know what I mean) and I lost it – my plans and routine how I go shopping to that market (if by foot) was ruined – went back home and cried and raged like for an hour (went later again, cause I really needed stuff and I couldn’t leave that thing open, that also feels… not good – had to finish the walking “round”: to the store, store, back home)

One thing I mentioned before: sensory stuff; yeah, not a fan of “loud” noises (it isn’t always the loudness but more the number of noises). Water in my face (nope, hate it, never under the shower and like a sponge or so is horror (like everywhere on my body), just clean water is okay (but please, I can’t have had soap like right before on my hands)), lights is a day to day thing (though if I’m tired / close to what I think is sensory overload, either the room I’m in gets like darker or lights up so much it’s not tolerable anymore (then I know, I really, really have to leave the room and not see or hear anybody anything anymore)), and food, yeah (everything has its place on my plate and please don’t touch), I’m a really “picky” eater and I absolutely despise like cooked or baked fruits (some vegetables too) (they feel soo weird in my mouth… and taste bad… but the texture alone is… really, really bad) (if I wait a bit more, I could think of more but you get the gist I think)

One thing that throws me off: Since I’m 14 years old, I do some stuff with youth groups like mostly work in the church as a volunteer (like in the (school)holidays going a vacation with a group and such things) – I needed like three years (I was and still am seen as shy, mostly) to really “lead” a group (I really am good at imitating the others that can lead a group, I think) and now after I finished school and am doing a “Freiwilliges Soziales Jahr (FSJ)” (voluntary social year) (basically I “work” for a year in a social job (sorry, no idea how to explain it in English) and get not much money (that’s the volunteering-part, but ‘cause I work full-time (38.5 hours a week on paper), I get a bit of money)) – and now I applied for studying for working in a social job – can’t really explain it but important is that I would/will have to work with people and stuff, like my job is to create/plan activities for people (like for example, a meeting every week for old people, free-time activities for teenagers or so). On one level I somehow like that working with people (as long as I know what I do, I had time to plan and everything happens more or less as I imagined/planned), on another level I absolutely… well not hate it… but it is really taxing for me and sometimes I really question myself but then other people say, do it, you’re good at it – and I’m like: yeah? I sometimes feel terrible and have no idea what’s going but okay, good that you don’t see that?! Am I not totally awkward and what? Still, have no clue what I would do instead of that lol (sorry, explained that whole thing real bad; just ask, if something is unclear)

So, two options: either I fake everything I wrote before that last thing and how would that work? Or I’m really good at faking that last thing and how? I have no idea and yeah, I had to write that – can both work? Like, it’s not like that I’m always (really) comfortable doing that social stuff but on the other hand, a bit adrenaline and anxiety makes the life more fun or something like that (and it’s not like, yeay, one time a certain situation managed and the next time I can navigate that somewhat same situation, nope, it’s like nothing ever happened before and that’s… annoying?)

Sorry again to bother you. Thanks for reading

21.08.2020

PS. I will probably think of something new every few hours but that’s enough for now I think lol – sorry

PPS. And sorry for my bad English and explaining… language is hard (not like I could write it better in my native language lol)

_______________________________________________________________

First, I will never, ever, ever judge someone based on how good their English is, whether English is their first language or not.  People communicate the best they can, and that’s all that counts, and it does not matter if it’s “perfect”.

So I can’t address every detail you brought up, because this was a LOT!  I did read all of it though, and the general impression I get is that you’re right, you probably have ADHD, and possibly autism as well, though I am not a doctor and I can’t diagnose you.

You asked a few times if you could be “faking” it, and the answer to that I can say for certain: No, you are not faking.  What you told me here are your life experiences.  I just read a story of “How life is like” for you, and it was not fiction, this is your real perspective about how your brain sees the world.  This is not fake.  This is who you are, and I felt what you wrote was very open and honest, the exact opposite of fake.

Sorry, it’s a messy, long thing but I need a bit of an advice or so – just, like “yeah, could be possible” or “nope.”

Based on your experiences that you shared, I’d say it’s more than likely you have ADHD.  You talk often about trying to complete a task and losing your focus before it’s finished:

Anyway if my parents hadn’t provided dinner, I wouldn’t have eaten more than breakfast today – anyways sometime I want ice cream or other stuff and I just… can’t do it like I’m sitting here for an hour now, I’m so freaking bored and I just want ice cream but do I move? Nope, and doing something to not feel bored? Nope. I also mean to get my thingy for my wrist ‘cause I have some problems and typing hurts but lol, nope. An example as kid would be I needed hours to dry myself after a shower and just sit on the floor in my room doing more or less nothing or playing (I now a have strategy but yeah)

This is all very suggestive of ADHD.  You also had some symptoms that could be autism, but it seems like the ADHD is more prominent for you and is affecting you more (keep in mind, I’m only a stranger on the internet, I could be totally wrong).

I’m really happy that you were able to share these thoughts with your grandmother, and that she was open to listening to you about them, even if she didn’t have all the facts.  

I know you said it would be a long wait, and very difficult, to get an appointment with a professional.  But I do really think you should be tested for ADHD.  Maybe your grandmother can help you talk to your mum about it, or maybe your grandmother can make all those phone calls for you (because believe me, I know how difficult it is to make phone calls, they are just as hard for me).  Even if you have to wait a year, it would be worth it to know- and also, because in the case of ADHD, there is medication which can help you.  So it would be really worth it for you to get that, even if you have to wait a long time.

You’re obviously a very detail-oriented, thoughtful person, and I know that you’ve studied this subject inside and out.  You’re not faking, you’re not making it up.  These are your experiences, and they are the truth, and you deserve to be tested if you want to be.  

[purplesurveys]

1052

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Who was the last person to knock on your door? Were they there to see you? Nina usually knocks briefly in the evening to let me know it’s time for dinner. Other than my ex in the past, I don’t let anyone stay in my room for long. Knocking and peeking into my room is enough.

2 - Have you left the house yet today? If not, do you have plans to leave the house later on? No, as it’s only 10 in the morning and I don’t really have a reason to be out somewhere this early. I might go out to buy presents for more relatives, but that’s only if I feel productive enough today. We’ll see.

3 - What’s your favourite brand of chocolate? What type of chocolate bar from that brand is your favourite? The older I get the more I feel like gagging from the idea of chocolate bars lol; they’re all just so sweet. These days my top three would be Hershey’s cookies and cream bar, Whittaker’s chocolate peanut butter bar, and Twix bars. I also love Reese’s, but they aren’t bars.

4 - Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes, I’ve done this before and I’ve recounted the stories on here multiple times. As for the second question, yeah I technically do? I’ve only met my workmates online so far, so I’m constantly looking forward to the opportunity to finally meet them all in real life.

5 - What was the last thing you used a blender for? I’ve never used a blender. We don’t even own a blender.

6 - Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Yeah, but I don’t even remember what it was about anymore...I do know it was this year, and the person deleted the comment that I replied to not long after.

7 - When was the last time you cracked your joints? Is that something you do often? Now that you reminded me, I just did. I do it at least once a day, whenever my fingers start to feel tight and tense.

8 - What time is it right now? If you weren’t doing a survey, what else would you be doing right now? It is 1:52 PM. I’d be heading to the mall to buy more presents, but I don’t feel like getting out of bed yet. I’d also do embroidery, but my online orders are taking a while to arrive :( My online shopping app says I'll be getting them by Jan 3rd, but the shipping tracker says it’s already being shipped from China to here so I’m looking forward to receiving it this week. I hope that’s the case; otherwise it’ll miss the point of being my hobby this Christmas break.

9 - If you had ten minutes to run around an empty supermarket and fill your trolley for free, what’s the first aisle you’d go for? The fancy meat/fish section. Then I’d go to the condiments/spice section, then frozen food, then chips.

10 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you visit the most and why? YouTube, because I find videos a soothing distraction; Twitter to keep me updated on local and international news; Reddit for quirky posts; and Wikipedia so I can continue learning trivia I’ll never have to use but want to gain anyway.

11 - Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? My dad is home for Christmas this year, which is one silver lining from Covid. But my relatives living abroad who usually fly back to the Philippines for the holidays obviously won’t be able to this year, so we’re not gonna have a packed family reunion like we normally do. Everything else is the same, but I think the biggest thing about this whole thing is that I can barely feel Christmas coming this year. I think it’s going to feel like such a plain Friday this week; and that makes me a little sad.

12 - What’s your favourite flavour of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? My favorite flavor is chocolate, but my favorite kind of cake (which I enjoy a lot more than general chocolate cake) is cheesecake. I cannot make either, nor can I bake at all.

13 - Do you prefer sweet or sour candy? Sweet. I hate any sour foods with a passion lol especially sour candy; it is my absolute least favorite taste. I don’t find anything enjoyable or fulfilling about it.

14 - What colour is your favourite fruit? Is this a fruit you eat often? Already made my feelings for fruit clear on this blog, haha.

15 - Is your favourite restaurant an independent place or a chain? What is it that you love about it so much? It’s a chain, like most popular restaurants here. Independent places are a little hard to come by, to be honest. They make the best katsu I’ve ever had; and I also like that despite being a chain restaurant, the ambience is still quite sophisticated and date-friendly so I always feel like I’m treating myself whenever I eat there.

16 - Are you genuinely a fan of Starbucks or do you think it’s all hype? I personally enjoy everything about Starbucks. I like their coffees, their Frappes, the ambience in their coffee shops, their playlists, and their line-up of mugs and tumblers. I’ve always felt right at home in their shops and out of all the cafés I’ve been to, it’s always their baristas that have been the nicest.

17 - Do you own a Christmas jumper? What design/pattern does it have on it? No, I don’t.

18 - What’s your favourite fit/style of jeans? I was obsessed with mom jeans throughout 2020.

19 - What was the last non-essential item you spent money on? Overpriced coffee and a sandwich.

20 - Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? Public places are super strict with requiring everyone to wear a face shield and face mask; before entering any establishment, people’s temperatures are taken and everyone’s also required to take a contact tracing form. Anyone under the age of 21 still isn’t allowed to go out for the most part, though I think there are some exceptions now because I see kids younger than me already going on out-of-town trips again. Some places that are big on tourism like Sagada, Batanes, and Baguio are still closed off from the public; those that have since reopened, like Boracay, follow strict protocol and everyone going there is required to undergo a swab test. Everyday Filipinos follow the rules; it’s the politicians and police force who don’t, which feels disgusting to say.

21 - What did you last leave the room you’re in to do? A package arrived for me so I had to pay for it. It was the phone case I ordered for my cousin.

22 - Have you ever read any self-help books? Did you find them useful? No. I don’t really believe in that genre, so I never felt pulled to buy a book.

23 - What’s your favourite programme on the Food Network (if you watch it)? If you don’t get that channel, what’s your favourite food/cookery show in general? All things Gordon Ramsay, man. MasterChef, Hell’s Kitchen, and Kitchen Nightmares are all *chef’s kiss* The Great British Bake Off is also great and something I like watching when I want to wind down :)

24 - Do you still watch cartoons? From time to time.

25 - Who do you know with the most number of siblings? Would you ever want to live in a huge family? My grandpa was one of nine siblings, if I’m not mistaken. I’m not sure if I know a bigger set than that. Unless my family was filthy rich, I would not want to have such a big immediate family.

26 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Sure. I tend to ask for others’ too, heh.

27 - Do you own any personalised clothing? What’s the reason for getting it? No, not a fan. Two years ago we had a huge family reunion on my dad’s side and we had to wear these cheesy shirts that said “[Last Name] Reunion” with some cheesy motto at the bottom. My parents hated it, which made me feel better about my own feelings about the shirt lol.

28 - Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No, it’s just me here.

29 - What colours are you wearing right now? Does your wardrobe contain a lot of those colours? White, maroon, and scarlet. I have a lot of white and maroon; not so much of scarlet as I find the color too bold.

30 - Do you like adding condiments to your food? If so, what are some of your favourites? Yes. My food always needs to have soup, condiments, or sauces; otherwise I tend to feel the dish is too dry. I like mayonnaise, banana ketchup, hot sauce, and lechon sauce.

--

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? I’ve taken a couple of surveys and started binge-watching segments of my newest Korean reality show discovery, 2 Days 1 Night. The breakout actor from Start-Up and the newest love of my life HAHAHA is a cast member on the current season of 2D1N so I’ve been all over the show today. It’s hilarious; I can hardly believe I’m only discovering the show this late.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hour’s sleep do you consider a decent amount? It was around five hours, which isn’t a lot to me. I usually sleep 7-9 hours these days, but I might wreck my body clock during the holiday break because I want to keep being awake and do the things I haven’t been able to do because of work.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves? Seeing pickles in a burger.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together? The friendly Starbucks barista from yesterday; her name was Princess. We didn’t do anything lol, she just took my order and was super friendly about it, and she also gave me the Starbucks planner that I chose to redeem.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold. I avoid hot drinks now haha. Ever since I had that incident with the takoyaki, I’ve been too scared to let any hot food or drink touch my mouth.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful? I don’t know what this is referring to, and I’m too lazy to Google right now. I’ve only ever known this word as an adjective, whoops.

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? Take more surveys, and maybe have another cup of coffee. I’ll also have to get started on a daily report I submit for work every weekday morning so that my load will be lighter tomorrow. Our office is technically on shutdown until January 4th, but some clients require a daily report every day and I’ll have to shoulder that with another co-associate. It sucks, but at least it’s the only thing I’ll have to do for the next two weeks.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home? I only go to the salon once a year, and I already did it this 2020 when I chopped off my hair and got bangs. Yeah, whenever my bangs start to get too long I either ask my mom to trim them or I do so myself.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I walked Cooper half an hour ago and I just stayed in the same clothes I’ve been in all day, which was a tank top underneath an oversized hoodie and a pair of shorts.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains? The beach would be perfect right now, but I think my answer changes every time this is asked and I’m pretty sure I picked mountains the last time HAHAHA. I just realized being in the mountains would give me the same cooped-up feeling I’ve been having from staying at home for such a long time, and it might not be the best and healthiest trip for me...the beach definitely sounds more freeing and therapeutic.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie? Nah, never learned. I’ve never been good at tying anything up, period.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home? I was 15 or 16; I’m not entirely sure anymore. Not at all, I was so excited to have been allowed to go to my first sleepover.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? Under normal circumstances, we’d visit my grandma and cousins on my mom’s side once every few months or so. It was pretty regular since they’re just a stone’s throw away. But obviously we’ve since had to drastically cut our get-togethers back, and I’ve only seen them around three times since the beginning of the year. My dad’s family lives pretty far south, so I only get to see them once or twice a year even in pre-Covid days; not much of a difference there.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine? No. I just wake up feeling dread and have no choice but to wait for the weight in my chest to subside.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears? Yesterday in my car, in the mall parking lot. Sad tears.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? Look for another one. I misseddddd taking surveys and I plan on taking a crap ton of them this Christmas break. I may also be called for dinner, so there’s that.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I dunno if it counts as cooking, but I just made the DIY ramen kit that I received as a Christmas gift from the branch I was originally an intern at. Everything was already prepared in the kit and all I needed to do was boil water for the noodles and prepare the broth. Turned out surprisingly good.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows? I love hot chocolate and will order it sometimes, but given my aforementioned fear of hot beverages I always wait for it to considerably cool down hahaha. I like my hot chocolate plain.

19 - What caused your last injury? Cooper’s nails.

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them? Just a piercing on each of my earlobes. No interesting stories...yet.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you? I like peonies, though I’m not sure if my ex ever gave me a bouquet that included those.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I’ve only been with one person and I dated her twice, but I was never the one who ended the relationship either time so can’t really answer this.

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetiser) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Three-course meal, pls. I’ve only experienced it once, when my parents treated me to dinner during my cruise gift for my 18th birthday; it was great and every dish was made amazingly well.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all? I catch the evening news every weeknight because we keep the telvision turned on during dinner. I also get to read articles on social media.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? None that I know of, thankfully. It’s always been someone that a relative knows, but so far none of us have gotten it.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider? No. I have been considering it for years, but I truthfully don’t know if I could give up meat.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? Rice.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you? No.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment? I guess white, since my walls are white and that’s the first thing you see when entering my room.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed? Not my chore to do, but it was already done a few days ago.

[trollcafe]

shoves the rest of your askbox aside okay ALL THE REST of the soft sunday questions for bruuno fight me about it

Favorite way to receive affection?

His best way of receiving affection is through small physical contact. Holding hands, little kisses, legs touching under the table, just small ways of physical contact.

Favorite way to give affection?

His is spending time! Or writing music for them!!! He loves to write songs for people!!! If he writes a song about you or for you, then you’ve made a significant impact on his life.

Places they don’t like being touched non-sexually?

Gills, fins! He doesn’t like them messed with AT ALL.

Do they like giving nicknames to their significant other?

Absolutely! He naturally calls everyone “Love” or “darling”, but he’ll call people he really loves little nicknames. He goes w/ food names a lot! Anguil is his blueberry, for example! He might call Cresta a strawberry, usually the fruit that matches their blood color. If he doesn’t go w/ fruit, he’ll go with a kind of flower!

Do they like being called a nickname?

He likes being called Bru! Or Ru/Roo by those he really loves!

What’s something their significant other can do to make them feel safe?

Just like...little reminders that they do in fact love him and they do care. He’s usually okay these days but typically if someone gets angry or raises their voice at him, he’ll close up entirely and become this stone wall devoid of emotion. If you’re careful with your tone, you can avoid that.

What’s the best way to calm down your muse when they’re angry?

When he’s angry, he needs to be redirected. Find something else for him to focus on. He may be angry while doing it, but he won’t be destructive.

Little things your muse does to show their significant other they care?

Songs, sending little texts throughout the day, sending selfies not because he’s egotistical or whatever but because like....if he doesnt send you a selfie, something happened. He sends them to show that he’s fine, no limbs lost, he’s okay.

PDA that’s a definite ‘no’?

Don’t be overly affectionate with him around Shiloh, and don’t put your hand over his mouth.

Does your muse want to have kids? If so, how many and what’s the reasoning behind the number?

He HAS a kid!!! Shiloh is his descendant of sorts, and he loves her dearly even though Boe takes care of her normally.

Are they loud and proud about their relationships, or do they keep it private?

He WANTS to be loud and open. But because he’s famous, it’s difficult for him to. He’s “proud” about his “relationship” with Armenz because he can’t be about his relationship with Hayven. He WANTS to be open but it’s a safety risk to his quads.

Do they workout or put on makeup for their significant other?

Uh not really? Bruuno never got into makeup. He used to wear eyeliner when he was younger, when Bubble happened he stopped and hasn’t since.

Do dirty jokes go over their head, or are they the one making the dirty jokes?

He gets them all, he makes them all.

Do they find a need to be in a relationship, or do they have a ‘if it happens it happens’ feeling?

He doesn’t.....really want to be in relationships? But he loves the one he has. If that makes sense? There’s always that worry in his head where he’s like “What if they end up like Bubble, what If I hurt them.” But he’s developing a better trust in himself and his quads!

What food or drink can be given to them to show that their partner really cares?

Coffee! He drinks iced coffee a lot, always black. Maybe a DASH of cream if he’s feeling fancy. Otherwise, pizza. If you bring him a large iced black coffee tho.....he’ll love u forever.

Is your muse good with kids? What ages?

yes! All ages! He’s very good with Shiloh, he loves helping her and he loves any wriggler he meets. He has a very big older brother instinct where he just HAS to help them.

Would your muse be the one doing most of the cooking or not?

He can cook.......mac n cheese........................

Is your muse good at housework?

lol no. His hive is KINDA clean because mess upsets Shiloh. So he keeps it tidy when she’s around, when she leaves there’s music sheets everywhere.

[silenceandpatiencepining]

1/3 Hey, I’m not a kaylor but I appreciate the insight that some kaylors bring. One thing that irks me tho is the way some kaylors talk about Joe. Most of you (not talking about you specifically) have never even watched one of his movies or read one of his interviews and yet you call him “boring” and “white plain bread/vanilla ice cream/oat milk” or whatever. He’s actually quite talented and eloquent.

ALL of the people he’s worked with (even very famous ones like Ang Lee and Olivia Colman) have said extremely positive things about him. Everyone that’s met him has said how humble, nice and sweet he is. Look, I can’t stand 95% of the men I meet on a daily basis lol And yet, Joe is one of the only three male celebrities that I appreciate, that should tell you something ahahah. You can think he’s boring and untalented, that’s totally fine. But why would you insult him?

3/3 (sorry, forgot to put 2/3 in the previous one) Also like... even if he’s just a beard, Taylor and Joe must get along, otherwise she wouldn’t have kept him around for more than three years. So really what’s the point of this name calling? And I’m well aware that A LOT of swifties insult Karlie, and that’s VERY bad too. If we could just talk about kaylor/Joe without insulting anyone that’d be amazing. We’re all more mature than that.

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Hey!! Much appreciation for seeing the value in what Kaylors have to say and for your well worded criticism. That’s totally fair what you’re saying about how we talk about Joe. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m guilty of doing this—calling Joe boring or plain, comparing him to various alternative dairy products—I intend it to be playful but I can absolutely understand how it doesn’t come off that way and now people would see that as disparaging. I kind of mean it in the same way that we call ourselves clowns, it’s a deprecating humor type thing, but when it’s about someone else and not of a group we are inclusive of, I can see how it doesn’t translate.

I actually have no doubt that Joe is probably very nice, sweet, charming, etc and just expresses himself in a subtle way. And regardless of the actual intensity of their relationship, yeah I’m sure he and taylor get along. I think the way most kaylors talk about Joe is more from the standpoint on not understanding his appeal, which I’d say is different from not respecting him/his acting ability, although there is definitely some of that within the Kaylor community. I think the type of roles he is cast in don’t really lend themselves to letting his personality come through in a positive way, just ‘cause of the genre and characters. And I think that also makes it difficult to even want to see Taylor with someone like that especially when we really haven’t seen much of him as just himself or what they’re like together even just as friends. I’m sure I could watch interviews and stuff of him, but that lack of the vibrancy that was seen in peak Kaylor years between the girls compared with the very very little that is seen between Joe and Taylor now and how rarely they are seen together just doesn’t do much in terms of pushing that needle. I know it’s intentional on Taylor’s part but I guess a lot of people just don’t see enough to make them more curious about him.

Plus there’s a lot of worse name calling and nicknaming in our corner of the fandom, especially in regards to the people the Karlie associates with, which I generally don’t participate in since it really isn’t in good fun. Not saying that that excuses anything, but I think a lot of us have become sort of numbed to anything that’s said about Joe being considered insulting when there are multiple people being called criminals, selfish, manipulative, etc. Again, doesn’t excuse it, I’m just trying to paint the picture.

To your primary point, yes, I think we would all get along a lot better and have more productive conversations and there would be less tension between swifties of all kinds if there weren’t any insults being tossed around at all. You are completely valid in being irritated with how myself and others talk about Joe. I appreciate you sharing that!

[wishwars]

Quarantine-Questionairre

So I was tagged simultaneously in two different quarantine tags by @floraone and @bloody-wonder AGES ago… So I’m answering a weird combined version I made now lol

Where are you isolating? I am at the house I share with some friends in Michigan. When I’m visiting my parents in Iowa or complaining about being tired at school I call it “home,” but I think of parents “home” as my OG home… but I guess saying that I’m simply isolating at “home” is the most clear answer. I do miss my family but am trying to do what’s healthiest for them at the moment. I’m just grateful I’m not isolating alone.

What are you listening to? For someone who professes to love music so much, I actually don’t listen to a ton of it (because I can’t listen to most kinds of music when I’m writing). When I do right now, I’m mainly listening to Disney or the vast collection of musicals I like so that I can sing along in dramatic fashion.

What are you watching? TV has been my main form of destressing lately. I’m rewatching all of Phineas and Ferb with my housemate (who hadn’t seen it at all), catching up on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, watching anything the Try Guys and Bon Appetit post on YouTube, and sometimes throwing in a movie here and there (we just watched Hidden Figures and Dirty Dancing).

What are you reading? LOL I’m reading lots of articles and books having to do with Shakespeare, adaptation, Shakespearean adaptation, popular culture, The Taming of the Shrew, gender, class, sex, and all the combinations of those subjects for the dissertation chapter I am currently trying to churn out. I actually really love writing my chapter and watching it slowly coming together, but with my looming deadline (April 29th) the reading portion has felt like slow torture…

What other activities have you been doing? I’m remote teaching, so that has taken up a lot of my time, though we’re pretty much done and then I just have to finish the grading. I also run a graduate student group around the Medieval/Early Modern periods and we’ve moved most of our final events online, so I’ve been coordinating that stuff. Honestly, I’m doing my school work (I’m still in a class – UGH), teaching work, coordinating work, and dissertation work, and then just trying to cope in the other moments (mainly using, as mentioned above, TV).

Some you want to start doing? I would love to have a more creative hobby, but I also use my hands a lot just to type and write and stuff, so sometimes things that need those feel a bit undoable (I’ve had trouble with knitting before, for example). I just KNOW I’m going to have arthritis later in life… sigh…

If you go outside, what do you like to do during this time? I do go outside—always wearing a facemask and walking 6 feet away from people—just to take a walk and try to feel a bit more like a human than I do otherwise. We also have a backyard, which I sometimes go out in when I don’t have a ton of time or when I really don’t want the hassle of avoiding everyone else.

What food have you been craving? Okay, so I’m a very suggestible person and have been craving many things… I was craving sushi for a couple weeks and then decided to do take-out because why not support a local business? Then I was craving ice cream sandwiches (but the kind with chocolate cookies on the outside) and could not get them in my local grocery stores pick-up option BUT found them at Walgreens when I had to go in (I went when they opened Easter morning and didn’t run into any other people – it was nuts/amazing). Then I was craving Thai food and managed to convince my housemates we all wanted it so we ordered some no-contact delivery. Basically, I keep craving random things, but have managed to satisfy most of them!

A song that resonates with your state of mind at the moment? “Out There” from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I feel like we’re all kind of Quasimodo right now.

Any quarantine tips? I don’t suffer from depression regularly (though I think now is the time where many more people will be dealing with mental health issues than might otherwise), so what works for me won’t work for everyone. I’ve been waking up around the same time everyday (even without an alarm) and like to make sure I get ready for the day in the same way I normally do – eating breakfast, washing my face/showering, and getting dressed make me feel like I’m ready for the day, even if it just means another day inside. I’ve also found it useful to set small milestones for myself or plan something slightly different for certain days so that I have something to look forward to (a special meal with my housemates, a fun little craft, a virtual game night, etc.). Anything to break up the monotony and connect me with the people I love has been helpful to me.

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Since I’m so late on this, I have absolutely NO idea who has already been tagged, so apologies if you’ve already done this: @sansastarkofficialfanclub, @aurorafiberarts, @allthingsmoon, @kyralih 

[disabledandsogay]

Ignore this if you want, imma just vent real quick because I am FRUSTRATED. From least to most frustrating:

Because it is winter and I live in Canada it is dry asf which is making my eczema get really bad, mostly on my hands and insides of knees and elbows. It Hurts and keeps bleeding and I cannot stand putting the cream on because it’s sticky and it is hell. I do it right before I fall asleep but even having it on for those few minutes is absolute hell because then I stick to the sheets and get fuzz on me and it’s gross and I hate it with a passion.

I still have to get my MRI results from a month ago but I don’t know how to call the hospital to make the appointment with the doctor because I have to file an extension and I don’t know how and I don’t know who to call and it makes me want to scream. Also I have to get my doctor to refer me to someone so I can get diagnoses for a few more things that I know are happening. I’m kind of frustrated that my younger sister got diagnosed with all her mental illnesses before me. I know it’s shitty of me. I’m glad she has her diagnosis and everything, I’m just frustrated that I don’t yet.

I’m doing a good job at work though apparently. My manager told me she knows how hard I work and she’s very thankful for it and she’s offering to give me more hours. Which is kind of frustrating because like yay more hours, yay maybe I won’t be so broke, but also I work evenings so getting more hours means that I’ll probably start working until 1-3 am, but I have to wake up early to take care of my nephew, and nowhere is open that late except for fast food places, so I’m going to end up eating even more shittily than I am because I don’t want to get home at 3 am and make food. My grandparents bedroom is right next to the kitchen, I don’t want to wake them up.

Still related to work, it was very busy at work last night because it was a Friday and it was cold (I deliver pizzas). The owners of our store were in last night to help because we’re understaffed (in the middle of hiring more people). I’m going to call one of them S. He’s lowkey a dick. Me and the 9 other drivers last night were in the back hall folding pizza boxes (what we’re supposed to be doing when we aren’t on a run or otherwise busy doing something). It was starting to slow down, so one of my coworkers bought some food and was eating it in the back hall, and the rest of everyone was kind of distracted and talking (except for me, I was folding boxes because nobody was including me in conversation). It shouldn’t have been a big deal, we’re allowed to eat and talk during work as long as what needs to be done is getting done, which it was, I was doing it. And even if I wasn’t doing it, it should have been fine, my coworker who was eating dinner had opened and been there for 6 hours already. S decided that he would come yell at everyone for not doing enough. He started yelling at my coworker eating dinner and basically saying “if I have to be working, so do you” (S had like just started). After yelling at everyone else for not doing anything, he decided to try to get me on his side because I was working, by saying “[he] shouldn’t have to be doing all the work, that isn’t fair, is it?” I just kind of shrugged, I didn’t know what tf to say to that. I was honestly perfectly content folding pizza boxes on my own. There’s not that much space (let alone space for 10 people to be doing it).

And last but not least, the most stressful thing rn is that CAS (children’s aid) kind of placed my one and a half year old nephew with my family because his mom is negligent. My family being: my 70 year old grandparents who are both disabled/chronically ill, my dad who works full time, my mentally ill 16 year old sister, and me, a disabled, mentally and chronically ill 18 year old who works almost full time. During the day my sister is at school and my dad is at work, so it’s just my grandparents and I watching my nephew (mostly my grandma and I if she’s feeling well that day, if not, then just me). I love my nephew to death, he’s the cutest kid ever, but he has SO MUCH energy. I wake up at 7 to drive my dad to work, and I sometimes drive my sister to school if she misses her bus. I come home, fall asleep for another hour until my nephew wakes up. I spend the better part of the day taking care of him and keeping the house tidy. I usually start work at 5, and frequently don’t get home until midnight. I usually fall asleep before 2, and it starts again. My nephew’s supposed to be back with his grandma and mom on the weekends (they live together). Today, his grandma decided she wants to go out with her friends, so we’re babysitting the kid again. She sees him two days a week. But no, she can’t bring him with her to her friend’s house for like two hours, she has to bring him here so I can spend one of my two free days watching him and running errands. I’m frustrated and tired and I need a fucking hug lol.

Sorry for the rant