#acknowledgments

[drchucktingle]

Is there a reason you didn't include an acknowledgements section in Camp Damascus?

yes actually, as man name of chuck i have spent a lot of time FINDING MY IDENTITY through masking and unmasking. in early days there were many more layers hiding me away and it took a while for me to understand WHY. over the last ten years buckaroos have very much seen me find myself through art, accepting and talking about my sexuality, neurodivergence, and gender.

there is ALWAYS a layer to protect my privacy, and to allow myself room for POETRY. example i like to give is that if i post 'i pet a dog today' i might have actually pet a cat, but everything i say is true is some sense. in the early days that truth was stretched farther because even i did not quite understand it my dang self, and it has been my journey to strip away as much of this mask as possible (sometimes called removing my skin) and BECOME MYSELF on this timeline (which is something i have always talked about)

if you have been following chuck for the last decade you will see my older posts were much more abstract and difficult to parse, they reference themes that i have since come to terms with, and this journey to find myself is WHY i have been able to do this. some could say it was the journey of a reverse twin adapting to their new timeline, others could say it was the journey of a neurodivergent artist allowing themselves the freedom to find a healthy expression and conquer their chronic pain from constant neurotypical masking.

FOR INSTANCE this is why i am wearing buckaroo suits on tour now, an outfit that is more true to the INNER ME. i used to answer interview questions with metaphor and now i just answer, only hiding certain details when i need to. i talk less about figures in my life back in billings who were REAL IDEAS and PARTS OF MYSELF but sometimes not flesh and blood or ghostly buckaroos. this is my trot, and this is why i am so strongly against gatekeepers in the buckaroo community. i have been becoming myself long before i knew what that meant.

so when it came time for acknowledgments i realized i would have to acknowledge buckaroos who helped along the way but also ABSTRACT IDEAS who helped along the way, symbols and themes that i have since decided i wanted to leave behind. it was important to me to create a new era of my expression where those abstract layers are respected but also stripped away. i have to respect the inner truth i am trying to cultivate, for way of my mental health and also my physical health.

so i DID write out acknowledgments and sent them to my buckaroos privately, then i said please do not include this in the public book. these days i want to hide behind as few layers as possible, that is my artistic journey now. buckaroos were very respectful and supportive.

very quick before we finish, there was one other small and important reason. i am so sincere ALL the dang time it is kind of my natural state to get very emotional and thankful, that i kinda thought 'i am going to give myself space here to NOT stress out over this for once'. i am constantly thinking about acknowledging others and i LOVE this part of my trot, but doing it in a way that is so defined and specific and maybe even performative (gotta write your acknowledgments now bud. HAVE to do it) felt at odds with my inner way.

anyway thank you for this very good question what a dang treat to talk about this detail and how much it means to me to find truth in my inner trot.

[sunstrace]

love as acceptance. — romeo & lacey.

1. cormac mccarthy, the road // 2. kay nielsen, the chasm // 3. neil hilborn, a place where someone loves you // 4. unknown // 5. unknown // 6. danez smith, acknowledgments // 7. henri-léopold lévy, death and the maiden // 8. phoebe bridgers, savior complex // 9. unknown // 10. anne carson, h of h playbook

[typewriter-worries]

acknowledgments, Danez Smith

[ Text ID: and before we were messy flesh, i’m sure we / were the same dust ] 

[gr8writingtips]

writing tip #3469:

if you wish upon a star, the star expects to be thanked in the acknowledgements

[little-box-of-wonders]

A Writer’s Reflection

I can count on one hand the long-term creative writing projects I’ve finished in my life: One handwritten, unpublished Final Fantasy VII fanfic I wrote when I was 13-14 years-old and, as of today, my Horizon Forbidden West fanfic To Know Peace.

It may seem silly to some, since it's just a fanfic. But to me, it means that I finally managed to get back into creative writing following years of being too overworked and burnt out from my previous jobs and actually finish a project. As someone who went undiagnosed with ADHD until last year and whom at one point became disenchanted with writing, it's a huge milestone for me.

First and foremost, my brother has been my unfaltering support, both before and after I reembarked in my creative writing journey. I couldn't have finished this fic without your beta'ing and our discussions on how to approach the narrative (Chapters 3 and 6 came to be because of you). Gracias por nunca dejar de creer en mí.❤️

I can't thank @fogsblue enough for sharing the link to invite me to the Kotaloy Elysium Discord server. To say that the discussions and art from fellow Kotaloy shippers/Horizon fans have spurred my creativity is an understatement, and fogs made that happen. Thank you for this, and for always being one of the first people to read and comment on every new chapter and fic I posted.💖

Thank you to @jadefyre, for being a sounding board for ideas and to troubleshoot snags, and for serving as a fellow writer to commiserate with, especially during the more difficult chapters. Our DM chats have been been a highlight during my time in the server, and I’m glad I get to call you my friend.

And special thanks to everyone in the Kotaloy Elysium Discord server who became invested in my little famfic by hyping me up in the different channels, leaving kudos and comments, and just being an awesome group to interact with. There are too many to list, but each and every one of you boosted my confidence with every reaction, every flail and every message. 

I still got plenty of ideas to develop related to Horizon, so I’m not walking away from fanfiction. What I do hope for next is returning to my original fiction work, which had always been the intent after this little exercise. 

Thank you for coming along on this journey with me!

[adjit]

I think we need to get more comfortable with the idea that sometimes shitty, racist, homophobic, bigoted people are still incredibly talented.

I feel like every time I see a post addressing someone’s shitty behavior the post also takes the time to mention that they’re not even good at [x] anyway. And that’s just not always true? Equating being good at a skill as being morally good is just not necessary. Someone can be a fantastic writer, can have a beautiful singing voice, can create breathtaking artwork, and still be a horrible person.

I know part of this is probably just the instinct to dislike everything about a person when you dislike them, but I also think this mindset leads to people defending creatives way past where they should, because if bad people create bad art, then if this person creates art that I like and resonates with me, then they can’t be a bad person!

And you know. That’s just not true. Those two things are simply completely unconnected and I think it’d be healthier if we all started disconnecting them in our heads.

[liquidstar]

Yes, Greece still exists, we didn't all die 2000 years ago. Yes, people speak Greek. You people are so fucking stupid for real. So many of you claim to love ancient shit but can't even acknowledge the actual living culture of the people whose mythology and classics you romanticize. You keep leaving annoying comments about how you just forget Greek people still exist, thinking you're being quirky because you love ancient stuff soooo much that you forgot about the people it came from. You think about it so little you don't even realize that an actual Greek person has to read this shit, making it clear how little you actually care about the culture beyond the romanticized (and westernized) mythology. Don't claim you love Greece, don't use our mythology anymore if you can't acknowledge that we're still around without making it about how little you think about us. It's mind boggling that you'd think a Greek person would read this and think you're anything but obnoxious. Explode.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

the fact that shakespeare was a playwright is sometimes so funny to me. just the concept of the "greatest writer of the English language" being a random 450-year-old entertainer, a 16th cent pop cultural sensation (thanks in large part to puns & dirty jokes & verbiage & a long-running appeal to commoners). and his work was made to be watched not read, but in the classroom teachers just hand us his scripts and say "that's literature"

just...imagine it's 2450 A.D. and English Lit students are regularly going into 100k debt writing postdoc theses on The Simpsons screenplays. the original animation hasn't even been preserved, it's literally just scripts and the occasional SDH subtitles.txt. they've been republished more times than the Bible

[3schia]

CHAPTER 20 

“THE 10TH ORDINANCE” 

“Hey! Wake up. Why are you saying my lines?” I said. 

“I had a nightmare!” Gray replied. 

“What is it?” 

“I went to Steven’s jail.” 

“Then?” 

“Ugh. Nothing. He just said he doesn’t have a soul.” 

“At least he knows!” 

--- 

GRAY: If I am given a life again, I hope to be someone who can forgive easily, just like you. 

ISLA: Are you joking? 

GRAY: If not through me, you might not be continuing this. So, I feel bad. 

ISLA: You shouldn’t, I did it for Faith. 

GRAY: If you were given a life again, who would you choose to be? 

ISLA: Not who, but what. 

GRAY: What do you mean? 

ISLA: To be a man. 

GRAY: Why? 

ISLA: I feel like there’s something special about being a man. Though I’m grateful that I was born a woman. 

GRAY: Well, we wouldn’t be taking this revenge if not for two... Ahh, one precious woman in our lives. But I can’t argue with your opinion since I haven’t experienced living the life of a woman. 

ISLA: Hmm. We’re also doing this for aunt. So, yeah, it’s for two precious women. 

I remember that thing you told me about Precious. 

GRAY: What? 

ISLA: You told me that she broke up with you because there’s a third party involved. 

GRAY: Yeah. 

ISLA: Are they still together? 

GRAY: They are not. 

ISLA: Oh, good. 

GRAY: Because she’s dead. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

ISLA: Oh, I’m sorry 

GRAY: It’s fine 

ISLA: Why did she die? 

GRAY: The night before the day of the accident, Precious texted me. 

ISLA: What did she tell you? 

GRAY: ... That she still loves me. So, we planned to meet the next day. I waited for almost three hours at the park where we usually had our dates. 

ISLA: Then? 

GRAY: I called her phone several times, but she didn’t answer until it became unattended. 

ISLA: What happened? 

GRAY: That jerk might have known that Precious had a plan to go back to me. So, he planned a car accident. 

ISLA: Ohhh... 

GRAY: Under investigation, they claimed that it was a real accident. But I know it was planned 

ISLA: How do you say so? 

GRAY: Someone intentionally hit Precious’ car.  

A maid who left Steven’s mansion told me that she heard Steven asking someone to hit Precious’ car. 

ISLA: Steven? 

GRAY: Yap, that jerk. 

ISLA: Ohh.  

GRAY: I’m sorry, I confessed just now. 

ISLA: That’s why I really had that feeling that you might have other reasons for our revenge. Anyway, why didn’t you go to the police and use that maid as a witness? 

GRAY: She was riding a motorcycle back then, and they suddenly left after saying that to me. She was so afraid because she knew how powerful Steven was. And even if I could make her a witness, I know I couldn’t win, as Steven could just simply give them millions to make him innocent. 

ISLA: He stole Precious from you and made her die, yet he did this to you? Well, maybe it’s still because of your stepdad, who left them. 

GRAY: A day after the accident, Steven learned through Precious’ best friend that Precious was three months pregnant with him. 

ISLA: Ohhh. 

GRAY: So, yeah. He’s blaming me for his own mistakes 

ISLA: Tsk. 

GRAY: Yeah. She really is so precious to me. She’s really kind, sweet, and loving. 

ISLA: Can I see a photo of her? 

GRAY: Here! 

ISLA: Oh. She looks like the combination of Raquel and Cherry. 

GRAY: Yap. 

ISLA: Is it just a coincidence? 

GRAY: Partly, yeah. But I really approached them because they resembled Precious. 

ISLA: Hmm. You said you’re poly because you don’t like feelings like jealousy in a relationship? 

GRAY: That’s just one of the reasons. 

ISLA: But the main reason is because they remind you of Precious? 

GRAY: Yeah.  

ISLA: Oh. Her name really suits her since she’s so precious to you. 

GRAY: Of course, that’s 10 long years. 

ISLA: You really are a Libra... You don’t easily forget. 

GRAY: Well, how can I forget someone whom I dreamed of having a happy ever after? 

ISLA: You’re right... Do you blame him for your suffering?   

GRAY: I will lie if I say no. 

ISLA: I hope it’s only him who you blame.  

GRAY: What do you mean?  

ISLA: Why don’t you have a spiritual life? Is it because you also blame God?  

GRAY: I also had faith in God back then.  

ISLA: Back then? So, you mean it was lost?  

GRAY: Maybe. 

ISLA: That faith you had before is not worth keeping.  

GRAY: Why do you say so?  

ISLA: I have read a book saying, “Any faith lost in suffering isn’t a faith worth keeping, for genuine faith will be tested while false faith will be lost.” 

GRAY: Aren’t we the same? If your God is really good, why does He make us suffer?  

ISLA: I don’t know. 

--- 

And then, I went back to my family in Ciudad Real to settle again and continue to pursue my passion. 

- 

One day, Gray and I had long, deep talks about random things in our past,  

including our previous jobs. We had this talk about my senior manager at ZTN Corporación, whom I got a bit close with. 

ISLA: He's so lucky to have survived from prostate cancer because of her daughter. 

GRAY: What did his daughter do? 

ISLA: Her daughter looked for ways to have the money needed for him to be treated well. 

GRAY: Oh. 

ISLA: There really is hope. His surname suits him well. 

GRAY: What do you mean? 

ISLA: His surname is hope. 

GRAY: Hope? 

ISLA: Yeah. 

GRAY: As in “H-O-P-E"? 

ISLA: Yeah. 

GRAY: What’s his first name? 

ISLA: Jan Welmer 

Then Gray stared at me for a few seconds... 

ISLA: Why? 

GRAY: Do you have a photo of him? 

ISLA: Here. 

GRAY: Where is he living? 

ISLA: In Castellón. Why? 

GRAY: Can you contact him? I want to meet him. 

ISLA: Why?! 

GRAY: He’s Precious’ dad 

ISLA: Oh! What the...?! 

GRAY: There’s a possibility that he chose to be with Steven for money so she could finance his dad’s medical needs. 

ISLA: Ohh!  

GRAY: Contact him. I want to meet him. 

ISLA: Okay... Let me see if I still have his number... Gotcha! 

Trrt trrt... Trrt trrt... Trrt trrt... Trrt trrt... 

“Sir Jan. This is Isla Salcedo.” 

“Oh. Hi.” 

“I’m sorry to bother you, but this is something important.” 

“What is it?” 

“Did your daughter Precious had a boyfriend named Apollo Gray Mcdowney?” 

“Oh. I remember him. How did you know?” 

“He actually wants to meet you. He will explain.” 

“Okay. Let’s meet at Castellón Park today.” 

 

- 

Traffic...

And then here we are. 

DAD: I was actually undergoing dialysis back then.  

GRAY: I thought she chose Steven over me because of money.  

DAD: No.  

GRAY: That’s a relief. That's why, despite knowing she cheated on me, I still loved her back then.  

DAD: That's not how my daughter is. She loved you so much.  

GRAY: She didn't tell me you're undergoing dialysis.  

DAD: Maybe she didn't want to be a burden to you. 

--- 

GRAY: Isla, you seem to have discovered a lot about my past.  

You seem to have so much purpose for me.  

ISLA: Well, my pleasure, Master Libra. 

GRAY: What do you think is my ultimate purpose for you aside from this and your revenge on that jerk? 

ISLA: I don't know... Do you believe in destiny? 

GRAY: You mean predestination?  That means no one has free will, and I like to believe people have a choice. 

ISLA: I mean, when people meet, are they destined to meet, or is it just a coincidence? 

GRAY: Ohh, specifically for meeting people?  

Hmmm.  

I’m not sure, I don’t think of an event of meeting someone as something that is set in fate, if I believe that, then there must be other forms of fate.  

Like... What makes meeting someone different as compared to what you end up doing as your job in life? Even Protestant churches are split on predestination or not. How about you? What are your thoughts on free will versus predestination? 

ISLA: In terms of meeting people, I feel like some of them are meant for us to meet for some purpose. 

GRAY: Well, we don’t have to figure out everything. 

--- 

Going back to the passion that has given me a sense of fulfillment. By selling my digital arts, I was able to earn far more than the salary I was receiving at my previous jobs. The saying, “Everything really happens for a reason” is damn so real. I didn’t expect that I would be this grateful for the bad experiences I had at my job before. It was part of the process all along. God really moves in mysterious ways. 

--- 

GRAY: Hey, let’s have an official relationship. Like, a serious one. 

ISLA: Why? 

GRAY: Hmm. I just want you to be my only one. 

ISLA: Pssshhh. Funny! I have a suitor right now, and I like him. 

GRAY: More than me? 

ISLA: Of course, you’re more valuable to me than him! As of now, ha? But soon I’ll be wanting a serious relationship again. 

GRAY: Then choose me. 

ISLA: Hmm. Give me time for that. 

GRAY: What’s one lesson you gained from me that you’ll never forget? 

ISLA: It’s when you told me that there are probably people who don’t like you, but you don’t have a negative view of them. I really like your mindset. 

GRAY: Well, everyone has good and bad sides. The mere fact that people can maintain even just one or two loved ones for a long time only tells something about them. They definitely have these good sides, which they can only show to certain people. The same goes for their bad sides. So, we don’t need to have a negative view of them, even if they don’t like us. We don’t like everyone either, but that doesn’t mean we hate them. 

ISLA: Do you believe in karma? 

GRAY: Hmm, to be honest, not really. You make your own future, and your decisions can affect what things happen to you, even if it’s good or bad. Of course, there are some things you can’t control at all, but that’s life. Since we’re a society, you kinda have to hope that society will do good for you. And for the completely random things in life, then you just trust God. 

ISLA: So, you still have this side who believes in God.  

GRAY: How about you? Do you believe in karma? 

ISLA: Yeah, I believe in karma, both good and bad. Though we did revenge...  

GRAY: Next month, I’ll tell you about the 10th ordinance. That will be the last. 

ISLA: Ha? There’s still one? 

--- 

GRAY: I have a suggestion. 

ISLA: What? 

GRAY: Get your tattoo today. 

ISLA: I'll do it right after our mission. You just said that there's still one left. 

GRAY: Can I ask you a favor? 

ISLA: What? 

GRAY: Do it today. 

ISLA: But we aren’t done yet. 

GRAY: Can you just do it, please? 

ISLA: But it's a personal thing for me. 

GRAY: Can you just trust me this time? 

ISLA: Alright! I'll do it today. 

- 

GRAY: I'll have my 2-month vacation in Somalia. Can you come with me?  

ISLA: Of course.  

GRAY:  If there’s one place you won’t ever be back again, where is it? 

ISLA:  In that church. 

GRAY:  What church? 

ISLA:  IN THAT CHURCH WHERE I LOST FAITH. 

GRAY: You were just sad... I’ll help you pack your things. 

--- 

Then, here we are in Somalia. ~ 

We took a walk and went inside a church.  

Gray then prayed to God.  

After this, I asked him... 

“I thought you're an atheist?” 

GRAY: Not anymore 

ISLA: So, since when did you start believing in God?  

GRAY: Since I loved you...  

ISLA: Sorry, but I don't love you that way.  

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

So, what's the 10th ordinance, Master Libra? 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

 “LOVE ME.” 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

Yeah, the Pisces won... 

I love you, Isla. 

. 

. 

. 

Won’t you say anything? 

. 

. 

. 

ISLA: Since when did you love me that way? 

GRAY: A few weeks after we met. 

ISLA: So, I was supposed to be a millionaire even back then. 

. 

. 

. 

What did you pray to God? 

GRAY: I want to live in peace 

ISLA: We finished the mission. Aren't you satisfied?  

GRAY: I don't know. I hope I just followed you.  

ISLA: With what?  

GRAY: Not to continue the revenge. 

ISLA: I said that to you? 

GRAY: Yeah. 

ISLA: When? 

GRAY: Hmm. I can’t remember. 

ISLA: I thought it was a dream since I was in denial that Faith was dead. But did I actually say that to you? 

GRAY: Hmm. I just remember...* 

ISLA: Well, I was almost consumed during our vengeance, but I had a change of belief, that's why I continued.  

And you know what? I’m actually not a Pisces. 

GRAY: Then what are you? 

ISLA: I’m also a Libra... 

GRAY: What?! 

ISLA: Yeah! 

. 

. 

and I love justice and balance.  

. 

. 

So, I believe that what we did was right and just. It only balanced the scale between them and us.  

. 

. 

This worldly life is already unfair.  

. 

. 

Since many people can be controlled by money, we must make our own ways to make this life more even. With this, we can reduce the real evils.  

. 

. 

I also felt tired of being constantly put in situations that contradicted my spiritual beliefs and moral values. But I realized that it will never make us less for believing in a thing like revenge that most people don't believe in, for we all have different encounters in life.  

. 

. 

Some people may even say that only weak people seek revenge. 

But that isn't real.  

That is gaslighting... 

The so-called “psychological short- and long-term effects” are just bullcr4p. 

. 

. 

Some people will never understand us until the real evils approach their lives and experience the same pain... 

Some people will never understand us until they lose someone they love in an unfair way.  

. 

. 

I understand that we're being controlled by some moral principles and standards to make this world a better place to live in. However, exceptions do exist in such a way that some actions that may seem bad could be morally justified if we will deep dive.  

. 

. 

There are really some bunches of horsesht beliefs and teachings that seem unrealistic and inapplicable to some real-life situations. You know? It is not our mistake if we're put in a situation like this where, in the eyes of others, integrity and justice cannot coexist. After all, what matters more is that we're trying to be good human beings. 

. 

. 

We just have to be responsible for its outcomes.   

But really...  

Revenge is good as it stops $htty people from doing $htty things to you.  

GRAY: After all this time, you’re also a Libra?! What’s your birthdate? 

ISLA: October 22. 

GRAY: Why didn’t you tell me the truth? Is it because I told you that I usually like Pisces people? 

ISLA: Nope! I didn’t tell you, so you won’t know my weakness. 

GRAY: What weakness? 

ISLA: You’re also a Libra, right? 

GRAY: Yeah, I know. But what weakness are you referring to? 

ISLA: ...That I love deeply and can’t accept being betrayed by people I love the most. So, if ever you betray me, you wouldn’t know that you hurt me deeply. 

GRAY: So, does it mean...? 

ISLA: Yap. I love you... so deeply and sincerely. 

#GoodbyeFaith 

#Acceptance 

#She’sNowHappy 

#IslaTheDiscoverer 

#JusticeAndBalance 

#RightAndJust 

#When2LibraeCollide 

CHAPTER 21 

“The Law of Karma” 

One day in our family’s home... 

BROTHER: Sis! You have such a good taste! 

ISLA: Ha? 

BROTHER: Your boyfriend is here tho! 

SISTER: Hunk! 

ISLA: Ha? 

BROTHER: Are you high? Why not get out of your room and welcome him?! 

- 

MOM: Why didn’t you tell us about him? 

DAD: You’re just like your mom. Both have a good taste in men. 

MOM: Wow, ha? 

DAD: Let’s eat! 

- 

While eating, I whispered to Gray... 

ISLA: How did you know? 

GRAY: Thanks to GPS navigation apps. 

ISLA: I mean, the home address? 

GRAY: I edited your CV tho! 

ISLA: Oh. Yeah. 

- 

And Gray roamed around our home... 

GRAY: Are you this girl? 

ISLA: Yeah. 

GRAY: Oh, common! You were that girl?! 

ISLA: Where? 

GRAY: The one I put out of the canal when I was about fourteen! 

ISLA: Oh, you were that boy?! 

GRAY: What a small world it is! 

And then Gray had long, deep talks with my family. 

--- 

“Hey! Let’s watch on cinema.” 

“Alright!” 

~ 

“What is this?” 

“A VIP ticket of your favorite band.” 

“Ohhh. Thank you!” 

What a happy day huhu. 

~ 

One day... 

Gray told me to invite my family to his resto bar’s 10th Anniversary next week.  

“Happy 10th Anniversary!” ~ 

We are all so happy for Gray’s continuous success. 

And look how small the world is. 

Gray’s mom and my mom were classmates when they were in college. 

Lots of talks happened ~ 

Lots of games were played ~ 

Lots of prizes were won ~ 

Almost everyone gets drunk ~ 

The day was filled with lots of smiles and laughters ~ 

GRAY: We all got so drunk last night. 

ISLA: Yeah! 

GRAY: What exactly did my mom do to your mom to get her job back then? 

ISLA: Mom told me that your mom simply told her to apply for that job. With that, she was able to finance Grandma’s medications back then, which are obviously prolonging her life. 

GRAY: Oh!  

ISLA: That firm was established in 1921 by nine intelligent men. It’s a good company to work for. 

GRAY: It’s just a small act of kindness but look how it turns out to be a big blessing in my life. 

ISLA: So, I'm a blessing to you?  

GRAY: Of course! 

ISLA: No wonder you are so considerate. You’re just like your mom! I hope more people realize the importance of initiative, no matter how simple it is. 

GRAY: Well, she didn’t lose a single centavo for doing such a simple thing! Right? 

ISLA: Right! Unless she’s a toxic, manipulative, insecure, psychotic, badass, bch! 

GRAY: HA-HA correct! 

--- 

“What’s this?” Gray asked. 

“Open it!” I said. 

“Oh. Dark chocolate! Thanks!” 

“To activate your happy hormones!” 

“Well, you’re better than a dark chocolate. You’re my happy pill.” 

“I dreamed about Faith.” 

“What is it?” Gray asked. 

“She gave me a sunflower.” 

“Oh. That symbolizes happiness and joy.” 

- 

“Won't you get tired of me? Because you know, feelings fade.” I asked 

“There's a difference between feelings and love or commitment to be honest. Don't worry, I love you, that's commitment. You eventually got tired of your exes, right? I'm more afraid that you won't see me as amazing anymore and leave too.” 

“No. I love you, and that's commitment... I remember you telling me that I have so much purpose in you, and you asked me what your purpose is for me.”  

“Mhmm?” Gray expressed. 

“I feel like you don’t have to figure it out. You were just reaping the fruits of your and your mom’s kindness to me and to my mom through me. That’s the answer.” 

“That was two and three decades ago. But yeah. That’s how the world works.” 

~ THE END. ~

REFLECTIONS:  

The quality of one’s life is not solely based on its length, though of course it has a significant impact since when you live longer, you have more time to do things. The point is that you can make your life worth living when you maximize its use by living with your purpose. 

We are living in a world full of injustices. When you are weak, you have no better place in this world, so being strong is not a choice, rather, it is mandatory. 

When a couple breaks up, it’s not automatically a failed relationship. If we deep dive, we’ll realize that some relationships that have been broken are somehow successful in the sense that some beautiful things happened to both when they were together. No one can change it because it happened. There were laughters that added colors to their lives. There were lessons they have carried to becoming better individuals. And so much more. 

It is not all about the length of time that makes a great relationship, but the quality of the connection you have built. 

Don’t let the pain of your past prevent the happiness you could find in the present. 

We can’t judge a person in just a chapter we saw, we don’t have any idea what's going on in their lives during those times. 

We mourn, and we move on. 

It is indeed true that villains are not born; they are made either by people, by situations, or by themselves. 

Taking revenge doesn’t automatically make someone bad or evil. It may not undo past events but, at the very least, it gives someone justice. In a moral universe, this could sometimes be justified, especially if the people around you cannot do anything with your situation, cannot understand what you’re feeling, and the people who wronged you don't admit the mistakes they intentionally committed for their own pleasure that caused you damage. This is when your only choice is to either let it be, or time will do the justice, or stand up now on your own and get your own justice. God knows everything anyway and that in the end, we will all be judged accordingly.   

Each one of us has different situations, beliefs, and morals. We have different hereditary traits. We’ve been in different environments. We’ve been exposed to different encounters in life. And all of that had a significant impact on how we see the world and life in general. This is why we shouldn’t compare ourselves to anyone else, though we should still be open to being influenced if that makes us feel better. Just keep in mind that we must be able to manage the possible outcomes of every decision we make and the views we used to believe in, especially since we are living in a world with so many rules and beliefs installed in our minds, not to mention the absolute principles, for these only require common sense. The bottom line is that what may be right for you may not be so right or totally not right for others. The same goes with what may be wrong. So just expect that you will face different judgments from society. Nevertheless, it is our choice what to change, what to retain, and what to fully let go of. It lies in us how to be better and to live better.  

It’s fine if you haven’t figured out everything yet, no one knows everything anyway. Well, even the smartest people who have ever lived don’t know everything. So, you just have to keep going and continue learning. 

Insecurity is like a termite that slowly eats up relationships of any form. No matter how good you are to them, if they want to destroy you, they will. There are really f*ck*g people who want to see you fall to make themselves feel better. Like they will silently kill you! What's worse is that some of them are the people you least expect. Believe it or not, it’s your gain or loss, not mine. Well, you are one in a million lucky btch3s if you don’t experience the pain it causes. But this is a reality you should be aware of in advance, so you won't be surprised if you get to experience it. You’re welcome. 

We can forgive, but we can never forget, unless you have an amnesia. XD 

No one will admit the sins they committed unless they are either brave or punished.  

When money is involved, people reveal who they really are. 

Never let the betrayal of someone take away the kindness inside you. Let them live in conscience, if they have one. 

Age is just a factor in maturity in the sense that as people age, we tend to experience more in life. But the combination of experience, mindset, and attitude are the ultimate factors to it. 

Not forgetting a past mistake does not make us unforgiving. It is not our mistake to be hurt enough to finally cut ties with $htty people who wronged us. If detachment is the only way to forgive people, do it not only for yourself but for them as well. Because if forgiveness should always be given freely, you would wonder: Why are there souls in hell? Well, it’s simply because they chose to be there, they don't repent, and they don't ask for forgiveness. 

Intended sins left unpunished don't exist. Every act and every thought we had will all be put on a scale to be measured. 

Just because "someone" is more approachable to you than the "other one" doesn't mean he is kinder to you than the latter “behind closed doors”. "Someone" may seem friendly to you but is constantly backstabbing you, while "the other one" may be defending your name when you are not around. So, you must be careful with whom you favor. The saying, "Even salt looks like sugar," is damn so real. We really can't judge a person's true character based on just one positive or negative side we see. That’s one proof why this world seems to be mysterious, for we really can’t rely alone on what our eyes can see. 

As we get older, we will discover more about life that will surely blow our minds. (for example, traitors are just around the corner...XD) 

It’s fine not to be liked by everyone; you don’t like everyone either. But be sure to be more understanding of animals. Keep calm. -_^ 

In a world like this where living with convenience takes a lot of effort, you will see having someone in your life who is doing better than you as a blessing, not a threat, unless you are a bull$ht, afraid to be compared, easily intimidated, and have a low-quality mindset. 

Make sure that those you prioritize are the ones you can rely on when you need help the most. 

Gaslighters and silent killers do exist. They may be hiding behind innocent, smiling, beautiful, ugly, or average faces. Looks can truly be deceiving, be wise who you trust. 

When you are receiving unreasonable hate from people, I guess we don't need to have much talk about the reasons behind it. Just expect that they will be silent about your success but loud about your failures, imperfections, and mistakes. And if they team up just to bring you down, just laugh at them. Their action is just a reflection of their character anyway. My dear, they are seeing something in you, and they know exactly what they are feeling. Keep on shining. 

Some people are not real friends, they are just approaching you because of what you have in life, such as your accomplishments, popularity, status, wealth, looks, and things alike that if you don’t have, they won’t be there for you. Be careful. Some only seem friendly because of what you have in life, not because it's you. They are not worthy of us. However, do not misinterpret people. Some are approaching you because they really like you and admire your success and influence. The main point is to just know who’s genuine and who’s just pretending. 

Before we judge a certain issue, make sure to know the full details. We must not draw a conclusion based on the characters of the people involved. Someone can “appear” having a better character in the eyes of many than the other one, but that doesn't mean the former is the one who's more right or totally right on that certain issue. Everyone makes mistakes, no matter how good a person is. So, we must not judge without knowing the whole situation. 

We are all valuable, valueless, and in between, the determination lies in perception, situation, and when & where we are. Similarly, we are all good, bad, and in between, the determination lies in perception and in the chapters where people meet us. 

Never let anyone define your entire worth, not even the people you love and the people who love you the most. You, yourself, only have a piece of an idea of how valuable you are, so what about everyone else? 

All of us are made of both light and dark. Use your light as an advantage in life, not only for yourself but for others as well. Likewise, recognize your dark sides and work on them. Don’t let it discourage you from growing in any way, as it’s just part of yourself, not your whole self. 

Some failures are blessings in disguise. 

A simple act of kindness can turn into something huge, just as a simple betrayal can turn into a lifetime regret. That's how the world works. 

A past mistake doesn’t define the person in his end, as it is just a part of a chapter in his life. It is not our mistakes that count, but rather our willingness to be better.   

There will be happenings in life that we will not fully understand at some point. However, life must go on. 

There’s no one more handsome than a father who is selfless enough to allow their children to love their mother more than him. I'm not generalizing, but in most cases that I saw, that’s how a gentleman should be, and no man competes with his woman unless he's gay or not an alpha one. 

When a couple breaks up, it’s just so funny to know that most people assume the cause is having a third party. Little did they know that faithfulness is not the only thing that significantly matters in a relationship. How about the support, the initiative, words of appreciation, gestures, and things alike? 

Being a kid is just so special since we do not know how to keep the pain and anger inside us. We don't care that much if people have wronged us, for we could easily move on. So, there is really beauty in not knowing much about life, about everything that happens. With that, we could be happier and more at peace. Nevertheless, we may experience more pain as we get older, but at least, through pain, we become stronger and wiser. 

Most of the pain caused by betrayals cuts deepest when it's caused by people we love most. But it means almost nothing when it's done by people who don't matter to us. 

In every suffering, we learn, and we tend to appreciate more the smallest things that could provide a little joy. 

Spread love, not hate. But remember, my dear, never tolerate being betrayed, for you are worth more than you know. It's not ego, but pride. 

There's no one-size-fits-all definition of success. The same goes with kindness. So, never feel obliged to prove your kindness to people, it’s what’s inside that truly matters.  

Acceptance is the main key to one’s healing, while denial, in the long run, won’t do anything. Allow yourself to feel the pain, no matter how long it takes, it will disappear anyway. 

Some chapters have to close so that new chapters can begin. Similarly, people really come and go. But sometimes one must leave for others to come. 

If you have the means to help others, do it. You may not have an idea, but one simple initiative can go really far.  

Never get too attached to anything or anyone in this world. But do not take your loved ones and those of other importance for granted. Everything here is temporary. So, you must be spiritually complete on your own, for at the end of your worldly life, you will only have yourself, for you are your only soul. The only real treasures you will carry are the good deeds you made and the intensity of your faith and love for God. Nevertheless, you must not deny that “no man is an island.” We really need other people to live a happier and more meaningful life. 

Life is much more beautiful than we expected. And that can only be felt if we have a good heart and mindset. 

There’s a deeper reason why the brain was placed higher than the heart. 

There is love we cannot accept, but what's worse is that there is also love we cannot have in the end. 

There are really love stories that will not last a lifetime. But at least, at some point in our lives, we were given the chance to love and to be loved by that special someone. And even if you didn't end up together, you can still carry the memories, lessons, and love you’ve shared in this lifetime. 

It is how genuine love is that matters more than anything else, even the length of time you’ve shared it together.  

Being betrayed is really part of any type of deep relationship. So, you will either: forgive and stay; or forgive but leave; or stay but don't forgive; or leave and don't forgive. We can share our lives with people even if we know that they may suddenly hurt us, either intentionally or not, for everyone makes mistakes, no matter how good they are or how much they care for or love us. We just have to know that we are responsible for the outcomes of our choices. Nevertheless, I still believe that love is stronger than hate, simply because we are humans, and we are designed to love. We just have to choose people who are worthy of risking the pain of betrayal. Because if we don't forgive, we won't reap the love and support we could possibly find. 

~ After losing some people I valued and loved, I must admit that I tried not to get too attached to anyone. So, if I must leave them or they leave me in any way, sadness won’t consume me again. I saw beauty in this heavy trial of my life, for through this, I used to appreciate more the art of solitude that had given way to creating this piece. 

By being alone, I was able to recognize the grudge I had been holding for so long, caused by betrayals done by toxic people in times when I was already carrying burdens in life. It was like a dark energy that had been holding me back from seeing the joy that life could still offer me. I questioned several times, "The world was bad, so why would I be good?". The harshness of life almost burned the kindness living in my heart. The world left me with no choice but to be bad just to survive. It was like an exchanged energy for the darkness that this world had given me. 

Until a time came when I realized that the world itself is not bad, it’s only the people I met who did bad things to me, making me feel that the world was bad. But then I finally accepted that life is really not a straight path. We will experience so many random things that will truly leave us questioning the existence of God. I felt afraid that if I went back to living a God-centered life, another heavy burden would approach me one more time. The thought served as a defense mechanism to protect my emotional well-being. Nevertheless, I decided to surrender my heart again to God. And I realized that it was for my own sake in the end, and it actually paid off really well. As I grew older, I realized that maintaining kindness in this chaotic world takes a lot of inner strength. Through this, I was able to learn more about the importance of forgiving people and finally have the peace of mind I had been longing for. Well, we all have no other choice but to help ourselves be healed from the wounds of our past. We have no choice but to move forward, live life, accept things that have already happened, and leave those we can no longer control.  

This life is so short to live in hatred, and the time finally came when I felt so tired from keeping this burning pain. So, I asked for strength and guidance from Above, and through this, I was able to see and feel again His light. And this is undeniably a win for my side. Nevertheless, if we delve into life, we will wonder why the brain was placed higher than the heart; thus, I still believe in the power of vengeance. And I will stand firm that this belief can truly be justified. So many evils have approached me before. And it was only through vengeance that those evils stopped when I finally learned to fight back. So, this belief will never make me feel again that I am bad. Though as of writing, I had some reflections in life. I witnessed that God really is justified, for I have seen how some people who wronged me experienced a lot of suffering. My words seem to be conflicting with “taking vengeance” versus “letting karma do the work”, I guess, in the end, the belief lies in every individual, for we all have different experiences in life. 

By choice, I was almost alone for a long time, for no one could betray me this way. After all, it is not my mistake if I was traumatized by the betrayals done by real psychos out there. The only mistake I unconsciously made was holding the pain for so long. But the good thing is that, while writing this novella, I realized that we, as humans, are not afraid to care and to love; we’re just afraid to be betrayed and to be left behind. We’re just too afraid that our trust will eventually be broken by $htty-btchy-crappy–trashy-f*cky-people around us. Nevertheless, we should share our lives with chosen people, for that’s one way of making this life more meaningful. We just have to be aware of protecting ourselves, just in case, and find ways to be genuinely happy just by ourselves alone. And this realization is being shared to serve as a reminder that... 

“You’re not alone in being alone.”  

... ‘coz there is a ghost when you turn your head back. XD 

Well, seriously... 

“You’re not alone in being alone.” 

Read it twice and have your own interpretation, because, you know? 

I’m getting tired of thinking of an explanation. XD 

You’re welcome. ~ 

21 April 2024 

To everyone who came this far, I thank you with all my heart. 

This is the very first story I made and published, and it really means a lot to me. 

I’m happy that I finally had enough time to share it with you. 

And just in case you enjoyed the story... XD  

Here’s my PayPal: patrischiagapasin1@gmail.com 

My GCash, Maya Wallet, & Coins.ph number: 0912 611 6170 (Patrischia Andrea Gapasin) 

You may also send crypto here on Binance ID: 866 677 270; or Coins.ph. 

You can message me on my WhatsApp, Viber, or Signal (0912 611 6170) and let’s have some talks about life! 

There are just lots of things I have to do right now, but for you, I promise to write stories again in the future. 

Sincerely, 

Trischia ~ 

Credit to the owners of the images used: 

Cover Photo background: Pexels 

Characters: 

Isla: Unsplash 

Mercedes: PIXNIO 

All other characters: Pexels 

Chapters 1 to 21: Pexels, Unsplash, Pixabay, PIXNIO, Adobe Stock., istockphoto.com

Page backgrounds: 

Synopsis: Pexels 

Characters: Unsplash 

~ 

Special thanks to the photographers of Pexels, Unsplash, Pixabay, PIXNIO, Adobe Stock., istockphoto.com, and the creators of websites for adding life to this piece of art. 

Special thanks to QuillBot.com for the grammar checking. 

Special thanks to Picsart, for the story’s cover photo, synopsis, and character “texts”, and for the compilation of photos (characters). 

Special thanks to Tumblr for providing such a good platform.

[bethanydelleman]

Someone on Reddit keeps getting recommended the Jane Austen subreddit despite knowing nothing about Jane Austen, so they posted an Ask Me Anything. Best response so far:

Sorry JA, no longer a truth universally acknowledged.

[shaktikrupa]

Shakti Krupa Trust |Honoring Supporters& Expressing Appreciation

Shakti Krupa Trust expresses gratitude to its supporters for their significant contributions in recognizing the profound impact of their kindness on the world

[she-tragedy]

addiction n abusive relationship metaphors are breaking down my door send help

head in my hands the last three panels are gonna live in my head forever

[thottybrucewayne]

You have to recognize your capacity for harm. You cannot omit the harm you've done to others to remain "good." Anybody can be a bigot. Anyone can be an abuser. Anyone can harm anyone at any time even those who have been harmed themselves. The world is not made up of victims and villains only, this is life, not a Saturday morning cartoon and you are a human being who can or maybe even has hurt others and you HAVE to acknowledge that to learn to be better.

[wherestoriescomefrom]

why did you people come up with russian names for what is supposed to be a movie set in italy. what was the thought process here. why does she sound like she walked out of a tolstoy novel

[madohomurat]

trans women are everywhere and are so eager to be seen and heard but only if they feel safe around you. if you hardly ever have trans women interacting with you, especially online, then consider there might be a reason for that and you should address it

[elainiisms]

all the people sympathising with snow and saying they can't hate him anymore after watching tbosas... y'all let awful white men get away with ANYTHING as long as you find them attractive and it SHOWS