#actually it’s really just called basic fucking manners and being polite

[bioswear]

LOL what if someone comes in and calls me performative for reblogging that last post because it has an image description in it 😂😂😂😂COULD YOU IMAGINE

[ihopeinevergetsoberr]

the counterpart

• chapter 1 — a welcome threatening stir

rating: explicit. please don’t skip straight to (future) smut parts though, i’m currently learning chess just for this fic /hj

word count: 4,5k

pairing: viktor x fem!reader (no use of ‘y/n’)

cw: alcohol, occasional cussing, reader is a smoker (she plays chess and lives in the 90s, how do you expect her to have healthy lungs in these conditions?). a LOT of tension, viktor is a certified brat tamer. i think that’s it — please come yell at me if i missed anything. basically just a silly little chess rivals (sort of) au.

i am finally writing this multichapter and i hope it will be a fun read for you and an excellent torture for me. i have a vision but i don’t know how to make shit perfectly executed. we’ll see how this goes. an ao3 link will be added later. any feedback is highly appreciated.

part 2

⸻

You weren’t obsessed with him. 

With the way his tongue would click against his teeth so astutely irritating — a gesture you grew to define as some brief foreplay before said appendage touched his palate precisely one torturous time, whispering a victorious ‘check’. With a crease dissecting his forehead — a rare occasion you managed to grasp only twice: the first time being your failed attempt to capture his queen, and the second — a recent one, at that — being a foolish way you’ve lost a freshly converted into a rook pawn: concurrently the most humiliating way to jeopardize an intellectual sparring. 

You weren’t obsessed with his bizarre contemplative humming, nor with his Czech last name — needless to mention the disheveled mayhem of dark hair: Viktor was just a mere enigma you fancied to occasionally demerge — sneakily, patiently, with a positive passion to it. Habitually in a private ambiance of either his or your dorm room, though actually more commonly his — something about it simply screamed peace, as contradictory as that sounds. Sweetly quiet, relatively neat, with a never properly made bed being the only truly concerning mess in it.

That apartment was the embodiment of a grandmaster’s mind, and it certainly had all the chances of belonging to one at some point: if only he kept up with the meticulous tactics you were (secretly) so jealous of. 

“Envy is a waste of time,” he unkindly reminded you one particularly languid evening, “you should pursue ways to expand your knowledge — not to contract them with such trivialities.” 

That reproach got into your ambitious head. Call it a reality check or a simple first impression — since that encounter was also the first one you two had ever shared.

Though could someone really blame you? You didn’t need humbling. Well, not any more of that crude one, at the very least — a local college chess club had more than enough of it to offer. You could consume their disdain for weeks and it still wouldn’t make them run out of it — they had plenty in stock specifically for women. That much was obvious the second you appeared before those arrogant, prejudiced fools. You stepped in there innocently hoping to enroll, but stormed off with a genuine intention to commit homicide — a manslaughter, to be precise, and god weren’t you going to be merciful. 

‘You can’t enroll without a rating,’ hissed that bespectacled, caricaturely tall boy — all heavily starched collar, stupid chequered tie and a handful of dirty blonde hair plastered across his forehead. 

Bullshit, you thought, gathering every last ounce of your forced politeness, who needs a rating to enroll into a college fucking chess club? 

‘We don’t accept amateurs,’ assented his not any less grimy interlocutor, his expression a tad bit more bearable. ‘Please, leave,’ he demanded, lancing your face with his hostile eyes. 

Well, it’s a good thing you accept ill-mannered bastards, you almost muttered, fists clenching hard into a white-knuckled disaster. 

And perhaps you were even willing to negotiate, to have their best players all lined up in front of you — each waiting for a turn to be relentlessly put in his place by you; and you would certainly show them — quick, efficient and dangerous. You would force them into submission — professionally so, in a way that would make them all wonder whether the next Judit Poglar has decided to bless them with her presence. 

Because, sure; you were certainly many things — an excellent mind, a trickster, a fanatic, but that list never included an amateur. The mere fact someone even dared to insult you in such a way — and without even sparing you one game of chess — was, frankly, deeply humiliating. 

So you decided to let your pride win. Walked out of that damned club with an ostentatious huff, heels clacking loud enough to muffle their demeaningly misogynistic brouhaha — a tacit protest, an addendum to your passive-aggressive ‘good luck, gentlemen’. 

They didn’t want you — fine, whatever, you didn’t want them either. You’ll find yourself a counterpart soon — not any less intelligent, and, most importantly, respectful. They’ll come crawling back to you once you gain a rating, mourning their loss and pathetically begging for sweet mercy. You could already imagine the holes rubbed through the nice fabric of their dress pants from all the kneeling you’ll make them do. 

Besides, Jayce had already promised to introduce you to someone decent. ‘He’s sweet,’ he assured you, a friendly arm wrapped around your tense shoulder. ‘Incredibly smart,’ he proceeded with his wholehearted praise, proud grin so wide the corners of his mouth were definitely hurting. ‘Somewhat awkward,’ he mused, raising one eyebrow in consideration, ‘though I’m not entirely sure it’s awkwardness, per se, Viktor is simply… pensive.’

Viktor. Your eyes squeezed shut, offering the restless imagination a brief opportunity to brainstorm. A competent, pensive and sweet chess lover: what would his temper turn out to be like? Does he have a rating yet? What if he’s already playing professionally? Perhaps he even has a title? 

Jayce’s next comment didn’t offer you much help though. 

‘He’s handsome too,’ he whispered, a shit-eating smirk wiped instantly off his pleased physiognomy. Elbows become offensive weapons between the ribs of unfortunate matchmakers, you see. 

Either way: the deal was sealed. You were going to meet Viktor the next chance you get, and Jayce’s upcoming birthday has provided you with precisely that convenience. 

It still happened rather spontaneously — you can’t mentally prepare yourself for an encounter you don’t quite know what to expect of. Sure, Jayce’s complaisant flattery was still at your service — a source not exactly reliable, yet somewhat welcomed nonetheless: though only because you lacked any other information about this Viktor persona.

But you decided not to upset a dear friend on his birthday. Acting like Jayce was bearable to be around was a part of your gift, after all. 

Unfortunately, the fact he was born on an awfully steamy July day wasn’t helping you accomplish that; you squinted, drowning a glass of that disgustingly warm bourbon, a couple of melted ice cubes in it slightly diluting the once-rich taste of liquor. The man of the hour had quickly dissolved into a mess of infuriatingly noisy people after only reserving you a quick hello, shiny eyes already evidently tipsy — either from all the attention or the contentious quality of the booze this bar had to offer. 

You didn’t dare to complain. The tab was on a birthday boy, and you knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. Knew better, yet still stared right at Jayce’s laughing physiognomy, grin so blindingly toothy it had you regretting ever sojourning this feast of life. Not that you had anything against attending birthday celebrations; but a cramped bar, a cheap drink and not a single minute spent with a man you came here for weren’t exactly your ideal perception of said… festivity. Not to mention that Viktor was terribly late — though your darling mutual acquaintance was in no state to properly introduce you to him anyway. You slipped out of your bar stool, rubbing an erratic little pattern into the weary skin of each heavy eyelid — but the sleepiness didn’t magically dissolve under the persistent pressure of your fingers. If there existed a thing you hated more than cocky men and bad booze — then it certainly had to be feeling hot, and this awful place has kindly reminded you of precisely that long forgotten loathing; air so sticky it was melting your brain into a tired, dysfunctional mush. 

Somehow you managed to find an exit before the headache became borderline unbearable, letting the evening greet you with a chilly slap on precisely that slick place where a damp blouse kept clinging onto your sweaty back. Summer sure was relentless this year — the outdoors didn’t offer you much of that crispy gentle breeze, but it was still not nearly as suffocatingly hot as inside that grimy shelter for drunks. 

Shaky hands slid inside the pocket of your pants, fumbling frantically with the contents of it: glistening candy wrappers, ringing keys and a handful of coins. Took you long enough to finally feel the shape of an old lighter, the spark wheel of it so terribly rusty the callus on your thumb started stinging as soon as you laid it on that rough little bump. 

With a sigh, you fetched a folded pack of Camel out of the same stuffed sack, the state of said poor thing utterly matching its owner’s — all ruffled, messy, with the bottom of it barely still intact. Well, fine, perhaps that last trait was not precisely pertinent to you, but your rear was hurting quite palpably after an hour spent sitting on that awfully uncomfortable stool — which meant that relating to your poor box of cancer sticks was inevitable. 

The spark wheel gave in after a few insistent pushes, and within seconds you were taking your first greedy drag, back pressed tightly against the cool wall; providing you much needed support for taming a headache with a smoke break that would undoubtedly cause a new one in an instant. The filth filled your lungs with sweet relief, and you let the sedation run slowly through your veins, squeezing the filter in an affectionate little embrace of trembling index and middle fingers. 

And then your private moment was ruined. But not abruptly in the slightest, with just one simple call of your name – the most careful of all interventions, surprisingly quizzical and polite, heavily accented at the edge of the very last syllable. Still had you choking ungracefully on your tiny nicotine snack, filling the silence with awfully inelegant coughing. 

“Apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you,” spoke your pensive intruder, causing you to sharply turn around, back clinging off the wall in one unsubtle movement. 

That’s how all meaningful formal meetings happen. Unfailingly when you least expect them, or, even worse — when you stop expecting them at all, with every thought banished from your utterly relaxed mind. They sneak up on you under shitty bars, giving you a slight vertigo and then offering a polite smile to make amends, gripping the handles of their canes with pent up awkwardness. And god were they peculiar intrusions — matching your silly, much too improper manner to wear corporate clothes for a night out, with just a few buttons of their tight vest undone; limbs lanky, but not inept, eyes brimming with pretty copper right onto your astonished frame. Made you randomly embarrassed about your chipped nail polish and messy hair with just a mere presence of their flawlessness: you knew you were facing a tease before you even managed to acknowledge his appearance, brow raising curiously in a cautious attempt of a greeting.

“Well, you did startle me,” was the first thing to leave your mouth after the coughing assault had ended, lips stretching lazily into an involuntary grin. “How do you know my name?” 

His eyes — oh those big shiny tormentors — widened in surprise, and one sinewy hand crawled somewhat haphazardly up his chest, fingers catching the knot of a red tie to pull on it firmly. To either adjust it or to make the clearing of a tender throat easier — you couldn’t quite place it, yet still watched him in silent astonishment, tasting the bitterish taste of tobacco on the tip of your tongue. 

“Well,” he parroted your tone with sharp accuracy and proceeded with distinguished sass, “I believe a certain someone has introduced us to each other… in absentia, so to speak.” 

Oh. So that was your new charming counterpart? Bravo, Jayce — there was actually something truthful about your flattering for the first time. 

“For I am Viktor, in case you’re still confused,” he obligingly reminded, abandoning the brief fidgeting with his tie to offer you a handshake.  

You gulped, almost extending a dominant arm to accept it, but some weird foreboding had once convinced you that to twine your still smelling of cigarettes fingers with a stranger would be somehow perceived as crude — and so you clumsily caught his palm with your other, less nimble limb. Let the heat of his touch engrave into your hand, eyes swirling the tiny mole above that defined cupid’s bow, making you feel stupid for stealing that innocent of a peek. Had you forgetting about the still stuffed into your mouth cigarette as it fell open in oblivious awe, almost dropping a decent bridge of ashes onto his pretty shoes.

Regaining the lost composure, you managed to introduce yourself in a manner similar to his — not that it was necessary since he seemed to remember what to call you exactly, but the gesture still felt right — you’d vowed to treat people with politeness and liked to think that it was going quite well for you. 

“So,” he uttered somewhat approbatory, withdrawing his hand from your tender clasp, “normally I don’t… tutor. But Jayce was rather insistent I try — and he’d also assured me that you’re quite passionate about the subject.” 

You huffed, letting out an undefinable sound of confusion. Not without a mixture of evident irritation to it, if you were to be frank — but that was entirely justified. A tutor? Is that how Jayce really took it? 

“I’m not looking for a tutor,” you sassed matter-of-factly, angrily inhaling from your cigarette. “I’m looking for a counterpart. What makes you think that you’re competent enough to teach me anything at all?” you inquired with candid hostility, watching him go limp in silent panic. 

You’d vowed to treat people with politeness and didn’t care if it wasn’t going well for you anymore. Quite a drastic change of plans, to be frank.

“Oh, I am not claiming that,” Viktor rushed to object, and the way a few strands of hair started shaking treacherously as he wagged his head had almost caused you to crack a pretentious smirk. But he quickly soothed the unkempt curl and proceeded with his explanation, “I was simply told you might need some help. Why the unnecessary attitude?” 

“Because you were told wrong,” you practically spat the smoke into his face, lips smacking together with an audible pop. It made his textured nose wrinkle with a fed up sigh, entertaining you with an ungainly attempt of waving that livid cloud away. 

“And that’s my fault… how, exactly?” he mumbled with an utterly puzzled glare, and you scoffed in silent rejoicement, leaning slightly closer to divert yourself with more of his emotiveness. 

“You should have paid more attention to what Jayce told you,” you jumped over his rhetorical question paying it no mind whatsoever. Though, as you were reminiscing on the events of this exact conversation — your own audacity made you wonder how Viktor managed to refrain from slapping you across the face that very instant. The shitty booze must have turned out not so shitty after all — it sure gave you the nerve, and you were holding onto it a tad bit too tightly. 

But your new companion didn’t take that well. His thick eyebrow protruded into a furious arc, lids twitching slightly at the outburst you were so pathetically proud about. Both hands returned to the handle of his cane, as if getting ready to transform it into a weapon — and he leaned his whole body weight on it with a displeased gasp, accented voice obtaining a lower, more threatening edge to it. 

He’s sweet, you scoffed, ready to press your forehead against his like an uncivilized animal. It’s not like you were acting much better than that anyway. 

Well, at least Jayce didn’t lie about the handsome part. 

“I’ll have you know that I was, indeed, paying attention,” he hissed through gritted teeth, “and if you wish to quibble over the words that do not even belong to me — then fine: be my absolute guest, but do not except me to align with your enthusiasm and partake in useless insults.” 

He cleared his throat again, evidently reluctant to indulge in whatever spectacle you were so clearly asking for. That man didn’t deserve your resentment, but now you certainly deserved his, and so you backed off, fingers twitching haphazardly as they curdled around your cigarette for one last awkward drag, lashes fluttering with palpable nervousness. 

“I was told you needed a tutor — and I sincerely apologize if your request was miscomprehended,” Viktor sighed, and you blinked at him in baffled reverence. Wishing oh so desperately to burn your  always looking for trouble tongue with that still somewhat smoldering tobacco stick. 

“No, I…” you gasped in response, but Viktor held a soothing hand up, stopping you from puking out more of that guilty incoherent nonsense. 

“Please, allow me to finish,” he demanded, and you obeyed — a mere culpable inch away from accidentally swallowing the filter still filling your mouth with a sharp savour of smoke. 

And your submission was appreciated right away. 

“So, as I was saying,” Viktor returned to his lecture with a distinguished cough, “I’m sorry if your request was miscomprehended. But it certainly wasn’t miscomprehended by me, which makes your reaction somewhat… unfair, don’t you think?” 

“Yes,” you yielded, nodding in weak agreement. “Yes, totally unfair.” 

“To say the least,” he was quick to add, emphasizing the last word especially heavy.  

“To say the least,” you parroted in response — just like a tamed misbehaving brat. And that’s precisely what you were — humbled, put in your place and sorry. You were sorry, and it made you quiver as you timidly chewed on the inside of an already half-eaten cheek, frantically counting the numerous scratches on your shoes. Doing anything to escape the gentle orbs undressing you off your very flesh in an attempt to find something even you doubted was still there: some prudence. 

“So, with that being said,” Viktor summarized, and you heard a resonant click of his cane against the concrete, “I suggest you take out your anger on someone who’s responsible for the incorrect wording.” 

You dared to abandon your defeated position, head tilting slightly upwards to witness his departure — just as languid as this completely disastrous evening; no offense to Jayce and his special day, of course. 

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” he smiled, politely nodding at the establishment before you two, “I still ought to wish that someone a happy birthday.” 

So that’s how you lose both a battle and a war. He’d just taught you a valuable lesson — and here you were, so appalled to the idea of being tutored. Oh how the tables have turned. 

You reached out a hand for him, preliminarily putting out that damned cigarette to the sole of your messy shoe in a chaotic rush. Grazed his shoulder with a fleeting touch — so cowardly unsure if you were even allowed to pamper such luxury in these conditions. But he showed you some mercy — allowed it to linger there, slightly dipped into the curvature of his clavicle, awaiting your next move with a didactic frown. 

A look of a man who’d put you in a checkmate before even pulling out a chess board. 

“Viktor, I’m sorry,” you muttered with the most sincere remorseful look your face could even master, “I’m terribly sorry, actually. I shouldn’t have—“ but he interrupted you, eyes drifting playfully to the hand still invading his precious privacy. 

“Oh, shit,” you cussed under your breath, hastily pulling it back as if it was leprotic, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—“

“Please, continue,” he insisted softly. Gave you a few seconds to finish crumbling into stupid tipsy pieces and stepped back, all of his attention centered precisely on your earnest apology. 

Oh, nevermind, someone please scratch the ‘showed you some mercy’ part.  

“I was rude,” you confessed (as if it wasn’t obvious enough already). “Unacceptably so. I’m not exactly… good with social cues — but it’s no excuse, I should never have said that. Especially within the first five minutes of meeting you,” the words were flowing out of your mouth so naturally — surprisingly smooth for someone who’d normally take three to five business days to come up with a proper atonement (or even consider the necessity of one whatsoever). 

“Do you think I could somehow… make it up to you?” you hit him with your most pitiable arrow, the one you were saving up for special occasions when you really did mean to somehow atone for all the damage, eyes two pretty things seeking his forgiveness with a sporadic, perplexed blink. But they saw none — he’d frowned, hummed in consideration, and then tormented you with silence for just a few more everlasting seconds, making you sink your lips softly into the edge of your nail and scrape some polish off of it. Squinting instantly at the awful, chemical taste — and Viktor finally gave up. 

You’d realized it was your first time hearing him laugh much later. It was, indeed, a thing to remember — all raspy, strangely domestic, not malicious or willing to destroy you any further. And yes — technically, he was laughing at you, but if that’s what you’d get every time this man filled the air with that soft laughter — then you may as well become a circus employee just to figure out how to make him emit more of it.

“All is forgiven,” he assured you, shaking his head, “the second you made that face, actually. But no more of that, please. If that’s how you plead — then I’m afraid I might someday forgive you something utterly unacceptable.” 

He’s sweet, you sighed, an unsure smile returning plastered across your face once again. 

Perhaps you should start listening to Jayce more often. 

“But back to your request,” Viktor was quick not to let you turn into a puddle on that still scorched by the sun ground, “a counterpart — is that what you need? Why not join a chess club, then?” 

His question didn’t mean any harm, and he obviously just asked it out of sheer curiosity — yet it still made you feel a tad bit demeaned. Not by him, of course, just by the fact those arrogant fucks still dared to coexist without you. 

Perhaps they would be willing to reconsider if they saw your behavior tonight? 

You sighed, shrugging off his query. “I tried to. They didn’t let me because I don’t have a rating.”

“Really? Well that’s just strange — since when does one need a rating for it?” his confusion was genuine, eyes widened drastically as if he’d just heard the biggest absurdity of his entire life. 

“That’s what I said,” you whined in a tone of a natural gossip-girl, almost ready to chain-smoke the entire rest of your pack now that you were reminded of your misery. 

“I see,” Viktor hummed, stroking a thumb over the line of his sharp chin in deep scrutiny, “hm, I’m certain I’ve never heard them demand a rating for enrollment before. A club is not a tournament, after all.” 

“Wait, are you a member of our chess club?” the realization quickly absorbed you, but Viktor didn’t quite catch on to your astonishment. 

“Yes,” he dryly confirmed, “yes, I am. Not that I spend much time there though — those gentlemen are simply… how do I put it politely? Mediocre. Incompetent. I don’t like careless opponents — what’s the point in playing them if you can picture how exactly you can win within seconds?” 

Within seconds. You froze in apparent disbelief, trying to figure out whether he’s bluffing or actually being serious, awaiting tensely on something — anything —  that might indicate a joke. But not a single muscle on his pale face twitched into a smile — he’d responded with a look as awfully inquisitive as yours, unsure of what exactly you expect him to do. 

So he does mean it. In that case, he’s either very full of himself — or these boys are, in fact, that hopeless in chess. And something kept telling you that it most likely was the ladder.

“I’m jealous then, I suppose,” you offered him a safe answer, toying thoughtlessly with your poor, rusty lighter. 

“Please don’t be,” he protested with a careful plea. “Envy is a waste of time. You should pursue ways to expand your knowledge — not to contract them with such trivialities.” 

Bold of him to assume you might envy his skills. Well, yes — you were definitely beaming with envy, but he didn’t need to know that just yet. 

You snorted, almost letting that toxic conceit take over whatever pieces of common sense Viktor had just punched back into you — and his words dwelled, slinking through your skull, filling you not with thirst for vengeance, but with inspiration. It gave you some time to form a decent comeback, so you used it wisely: by delivering precisely that kind of answer, eyes rolling playfully at his discreet lecture. 

“I don’t envy your tactics,” you informed him, gracefully holding your head up, “I envy the fact you have someone to show them to.” 

And that boy smiled again, forcing your light vertigo to return — but not out of tipsiness or so-called ‘arrogance poisoning’. 

“So do you,” he whispered, and watched you derail with the most victorious countenance known to a man. Reminding you nonchalantly that he doesn’t need a single chess piece to have you in a stalemate. 

That muggy bar might’ve offered you an experience of being trapped in a figurative, impossibly narrow coffin, but Viktor’s presence was the thing that truly made you feel like an actual cadaver — all empty thoughts, and stiffness, and skipped heartbeats. 

But Jayce forgot to mention that your new competitor was also deeply laconic. 

“Meet me in the library next… Friday, if you’re available?” he wasn’t generous enough to award you with any more seconds to recover from this exchange, impatiently expecting a confirmation. You could only manage a non-verbal one, nodding weakly at his offer. 

“Say… somewhere around noon?” he mused, and you instantly nodded again, waiting obligingly for his next suggestion. What a pleasure it is to do business with you! 

“Perfect,” he snatched the words out of your mouth, already half-turned to the bar entrance, “please bring a board, and I shall bring the clocks… Yes, the library should suffice — it’s not like a game of chess requires much conversation either way. Now, please do excuse me — I really need to steal Jayce away for a minute.” 

You watched him vanish into that devilish, so utterly unfitting for a man of his kind place; eyes nailed into his back as the crowd of feasting people swallowed your new interlocutor. Letting an excited little breath slip past your open mouth, escorting him with an uncoordinated wave of a shaky hand — a rather silly, excessive gesture since he wasn’t able to see it, and yet it still felt right — like a perfect little farewell to strengthen this newfound friendship with. 

That’s how you met your counterpart — or, perhaps, that’s what you used to see in him once. 

What you were still oblivious about — is that this man will conquer you in much more capacities than just the game that brought you two together.

⸻

tags (please let me know if you’d like to be added to them) : @zaunitearchives @blissfulip

[average-mako-enjoyer]

Bigots and Failed Promises of Mass Effect games

(I had this thing in my drafts for almost a month, and it would have stayed there if not for the wonderful post by @androidtrashfire, because I saw it, and I was like: "Fuck it, I have to rant about these games." I love Mass Effect, and I really think we should critique it. We should criticize things we love because silence = compliance.)

So I was talking to @liss-art recently about the bigoted fans in the Mass Effect fandom, and I think I need to make a post about it because it's something that really, truly bothers me, and it needs to be addressed.

Canon

Mass Effect is a story about deeply flawed people with a lot of problems, and through them it touches on issues like xenophobia, sexism, corruption, elitism, morality, identity. That's why we like it, right? But why are there so many bigots in the fandom? My theory is that it happens because Mass Effect, for all its supposed complexity, only touches on these issues without giving any meaningful commentary on them.

Here are a few obvious examples:

The Quarians are a distasteful allegory of the Roma people (right down to their accents). They are persecuted and ostracized for creating Geth, but the game never gives us any socio-political reasons why the Quarians did that. They just developed real AI because they were naive and stupid? Or because they were the only ones smart enough to do it? Did they do it in secret? Why did other races not make the same mistake?

Same with the Batarians. Yes, the game mentions tensions between humans and Batarians because humans try to claim territories that Batarians think are theirs, but that's about it. Batarians are all racist slave traders and they're bad, don't think about it, here's some memes about 300,000 of them dying, good job. And yes, I know you can read more about their history in the Codex (why is it an Asari who writes about Batarian history,btw?), but it's basically the same thing as saying D*mbledore is gay (I really am sorry for this reference). If no one ever mentions this rich Batarian history, then it doesn't exist.

And please don't get me started on Hanar. They "mercifully" saved the Drell by inviting them to their planet, immediately assimilated them into their own faith and also put them in conditions where they have to train as assassins from the ripe old age of 6 and eventually die of sci-fi lung cancer. But don't worry about it, Drell actually love to serve the Hanar, they do it willingly and consider their servitude an honor. Do you really want to criticize some stupid jellyfish who talk funny? Do you really want to talk about why the so-called Council races do nothing about it? LOL

Another thing the trilogy does is present entire races, including humans, as amorphous blobs. Do all Asari believe in the same "goddess"? Do all Turians obey the same Primarch? Well, what's important is that all humans in this bright future speak English.

But what about the genophage? That's a profound story, right? Well, not really, and it raises more questions than it answers. We hear a lot about how brutal, aggressive, and short-tempered Krogans are, but every single Krogan we meet is extremely well-mannered, and they only resort to violence against other races in dire circumstances. So why not save them? Does the game really present you with this moral dilemma or not?

And can anyone tell me why Salarians are allowed to abduct and experiment on sentient beings, and why Turians are allowed to wage wars? Why does no one talk about Asari in this context?

I really want to say that at least the characters are well written, but I can't because they're not.

Kaidan is a good example of this. We are told about his implant, we are told that he has chronic pain, but do we see him suffer from it? Do we see him in those moments of weakness and vulnerability?

The scene where he gets annoyed with Jenkins acting like he's a circus monkey who has to do a trick and biotically throws a cup at him was cut from the game. We occasionally hear him mention some of the side effects of his migraines ("Too many lights, too much noise"), but that's about it. What has happened to "show, don't tell"? And no, I'm not saying that the writers should feed me the story or walk me through it. What I am saying is that if you gloss over your characters' mistakes, flaws, and circumstances, you're getting people to ignore them. Do people who call Kaidan "boring" and insult him think about how his chronic pain, his trauma from Brain Camp, and the loss of Jenkins and Ashley affect who he is? Hell no.

Thane is another great example. What Mass Effect is telling us as a story is that you can completely abandon your family and your child and be forgiven if your reason for doing it is good and heroic enough. Like avenging your dead wife, because of course there has to be a dead woman thrown somewhere.

Everyone's favorite Garrus (mine too) is a cop whose character arc basically consists of deciding that he is above the law (since the law forbids him from killing people he thinks should die) and then involving his squadmate/friend/partner (depending on your playthrough) in the public assassination of his former squadmate, whom he never even bothered to confront first. Are there any consequences for Garrus for his actions? No. Again, it's all glossed over, and that's unfortunate because it removes the conflict and therefore the character development and depth.

And if you're going to tell me that ME is just a space opera, and that I should just enjoy the spectacle and the romance, then I'm going to tell you that I know that, and that I think it's a wonderful spectacle, and that some of the romance subplots are absolutely amazing story-wise, but the superficial commentary (or lack thereof) on the most important issues that ME covers actually harms the audience.

Fandom

On the one hand, we have people making mods that remove all the clothes from all the female characters (or remove all of femShep's organs and replace them with giant tits). We have people reposting that horrible, horrible art of Miranda and Jack fighting, tearing each other's hair and clothes, and maleShep smirking and saying "I should stay". We have people who say ME2 is the best game in the series because "there are no f*gs". On the other hand, we have people saying things like "there are two Commander Shepards - female and the wrong one". We have people who say "only weird people play as dudebro in 2024". We have people who think that simply playing as a female character is some kind of feminist statement, and that it makes them better and smarter than everyone else (the same people who use the term "dude gamer" as an insult). And all of those things are kind of the trilogy's fault.

Both maleShep and femShep have the same story. The only differences are the romance options, sexist remarks directed only at femShep, and flirtations from various NPCs directed only at femShep. What this tells you is that sexism exists in the Mass Effect universe, and only women suffer from it. It also tells you that only women are worth flirting with.

Another thing this game does (and modern games like Cyberpunk do the same thing) is equate the female experience to the male experience by giving both femShep and maleShep the same lines.

So there are some mixed signals here. Sexism exists and doesn't exist in this universe, Shepard is both genderless and very gendered, romances with underdeveloped characters are all over the place, and bigots thrive in this kind of environment.

The lack of commentary, the lack of perspective, the disastrous worldbuilding allows you to freely choose your sexist, racist adventure and not be punished by the story in any way.

Mirrors

There's a passage from Solaris that I absolutely adore and think about often.

"We don't want to conquer the cosmos, we simply want to extend the boundaries of Earth to the frontiers of the cosmos. […] We have no need of other worlds. We need mirrors. We don't know what to do with other worlds. A single world, our own, suffices us; but we can't accept it for what it is."

I think that perfectly describes what Mass Effect is as a universe. And in a way, it's a reason why it's so compelling. It's just empty enough for us to invest in it, to fill in the blanks of that narrative with the stories of our own. And it's also a reason why this fandom is a fucking hellscape.

[zoi3e]

"call me later?"

- how you meet.

Requested by: no one

Warnings: mentions of suicide(Dazai), implied Mori's weird ass shit (Dazai), light mentioning of drugs (Dazai), mentions of kidnapping (Tetchou)

Charecters: Atsushi, Osamu, Chuuya, Ryuunoske, Ranpo, Kunikida, Poe, Fukuzawa, Sigma, Nikolai, Fyodor, Tetchou, Jouno,

Nakajima Atsushi

• you both met when Kyouka ran off one time while they were buying crepes.

• Kyouka kinda scared you as she stared at you bluntly while you just nervously smiled back before Atsushi found her and apologized profusely for her in-politeness.

"I'm so sorry! She uh... isn't very good with manners.."

"Oh, it's alright...'"

"YES! Uhm, I'm Atsushi Nakajima and this is Kyouka."

• He insisted on buying you some crepes in apology. You said no, but he really insisted.

• I geuss Kyouka was a wing woman.

Dazai Osamu

• Unfortunately, you two met through Mori.

• Mori at the time had found you before he got Dazai after his suicide attempt. He took you in at a time of weakness and you just wanted someone to give you attention. You'd later regret it.

• You worked alongside Mori when Dazai was given to him after his suicide attempt.

• You basically watched over him while Mori was in meetings, making sure he ate, and took his pills.? You were dead silent most of the time until after a few weeks and you warmed up to him.

"Uhm..."

"..."

"What was your name again?"

"... (name)..."

"Cool name! I'm sure you already know mine. Thanks for taking care of me I geuss. Mori Sensei's pretty weird...."

"...Agreed."

• From then you two beame friends and you usually patched him up after missions and Mori's weird shit.

Nakahara Chuuya

• You also trained under Kouyou when he came to the Port Mafia so you two met from her.

• He believed you to be a polite and calm person compared to other people he's met. COUGH COUGH DAZAI COUGH! Pardon me!

• You were actually squealing in your mind of how pretty you thought he was compared to your calm demeanor of what he saw. (ITS TRUE)

• You two and Kouyou would have tea often.

• Somehow you and Dazai were really close which blew his mind from the polar opposite personalities between you two.

• You 3 would often get put on missions together.

Akutugawa Ryuunoske

• You two met through Chuuya.

• Chuuya thought Akutugawa needed someone to be around and one of his subordinates (you) was perfect!

• And plus, you were good friends with Gin!

• Akutugawa was sort of angry at first but after a bit, he calmed down and you two just got fig tea together at a local tea house in Yokohoma.

• He sort of ghosted you after but you both worked on missions together from time to time.

• He'd get closer to you through Gin and your's friendship. Other than that, originally, he wanted nothing to do with you.

Edogawa Ranpo

• You were from the guild. (RAHHHHHH 🦅🇺🇸🍻🇺🇸🦅 MY PRONOUS ARE USA 🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🍻 WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETER?!?!?!??🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅🦅)

• Poe would talk about you like a all mighty being and he'd talk about Ranpo the same way to you. So you both were really interested in eachother.

• One day, Ranpo came into Poe's house unexpectedly while you were there.

• You both looked at eachother up and down, tilting your head to the side at one another before introducing yourself to one another. It was sort of like the interaction between Nezuko and Muchiro before Hantegu showed up.

"So.... You are (Name), right?"

"Yes, I am. And you must be Ranpo Edogawa, correct?"

"Of course I am! I'm the best detective in the world, you must know me!"

"Poe said you enjoy sweets. I brought some chocolate-chip muffins over if you'd like some."

"That would be great!"

• Poe and Karl kinda just watched in silence before Karl followed you and Ranpo into the kitchen to try and get some crumbs that Ranpo would drop while eating.

Doppo Kunikida

• You two met in high-school, actually.

• He was a literal delinquent at the time and you were the student council president and you had to tutor him in math, algebra. (Lmao it's what he taught before the ADA if you didn't know.)

• You hated him a bit in the beginning.

• You both bonded over your abilities you two had that no one else.

• You two got out of high-school and didn't stay in touch.

• You ended up at the ADA and than boom! He was there after a few years too!

• Which rekindled a few things both of you thought you buried deeper than Oda.

(I have a headcannon that Kunikdia used to be a delinquent in highschool but got some big reality check that made him how he is now.)

Edgar Allen Poe

• KARL THE WINGMAN ! !

• Karl saw you in the book store while with Poe and for some reason really liked your scent. So while Poe was distracted, he ran after you which lead to paniked Poe and a racoon running after you because you had a danish in your pocket.

• Karl ran after you into 2 different stores until you sat down at a cafe and he jumped into your lap, breathing in your scent like it was cr@ck.

• Anyways, Poe put a tracker on Karl because of how much he runs off (lmao) so he found him at the cafe you were at.

• You were frozen because a racoon was just chilling in your lap.

"Karl! Kar- Oh, there you are Karl!"

"What?"

"I-I'm so sorry Mx, t-this is Karl and he must have chased after you, ple-please forgive me for h-his behavior..."

• He was litterially a blushing mess talking to you because he thought you were really pretty/handsome.

Fukuzawa Yukichi

• Yall met durring his training when you were younger.

• You, him, and that fossil man (Fukichi) became a friend group and you'd sneak out of your fancy private school that was across the street from their training building to go out on the Town.

• Later on, the school found out, and they told your parents so you were sent back to Tokyo away from them.

• So no more Yukichi.

• Until one day, you were working at your little bakery and then a man and a younger looking boy came in.

• The younger one ordered like half of your store but the older man caught your eye. It was like you've seen him before.

• And then you overheard the younger boy talking to the older man and said the name "Fukuzawa!"

• I looked over in curiosity and while the two paid I asked:

"I-is that really you Yuki?" (Nickname lmao)

"(N/N)? Is that you?"

"Ew get a room you two...."

• Anyways you two exchanged numbers and decided to talk more later

• It made him really happy lol

Sigma bbg

• You are Nikolai's bestie ofc.

• However, he liked you because you'd annoy everyone except him. Wonderful!

• Anyways you two met when Nikolai and him first met so (just a hc) they met at a meeting for the Decay of Angels

• You were honestly playful with him while he was a literal school basketball; sweaty.

• You realized that you should be a little more calm while Nikolai didn't give one shit. That motherfucker was all up in his face and crap like a Spirt Halloween animatronic..

• Anyways you two became friends because you liked card games!

Nikolai Gogol

• So you work at the Sky Casino and for some silly little reason Sigma left for "business" and left the manager position to you! (You don't know about the DOA yet lol)

• One of the workers while you were on break came and said that someone was cutting through the roof from the top of the building

• So you were like "mkay fuck you I'm on break give me a second." And by the time you got there he was already goofing around and there was a square cut out to the outside on the roof where he cam in.

"Uhm, sir, you could have used the door."

"Oh, but it's more fun."

"Sigh, fine. Just don't do it again, and your gonna have to pay for the roof fixing by the way."

"Just put it on Fedya's bill!"

"Who?-"

• You then learned when Sigma came back that he was banned the first time he came here a few years ago and does this about every week. The roof gets broken every time.

• So now he breaks in and tries to get to you while Sigma cries in a corner bc he got pranked by Nikoali.

Fyodor Dostevesky rat man

• jsjsjsjs okay so to sum it up you and rat man met bc you and Nikolai were siblings and Nikolai wanted to go back to Ukraine for you

• Nikolai one day sort of just disappeared from backstage at the curcis you both worked at together. You were like wtf where'd did his goofy ass go??

•You two were like Lyney and Lynette from Genshin Impact btw lol

• While you were backstage alone you were pulled into a more secluded area of the circus where you saw a man and your brother together

"Koyla?! W-where have you been?"

"Ehe, sister, meet Fyodor. He's going to help us be free!"

"What? But...."

"No! No! We're going with him."

"O-okay...?"

• Anyways Fyodor was interested by you and that's why he let Nikolai come back for you instead of just letting you die or something.

• From then, Fyodor burnt the circus down and brought you two back somewhere. Imma geuss Russia.

Tetchou Suehiro

• You were a hostage.

• Yes. Superman babygworl.

• Basically your like rich person's child (NOT FITZGERALD) And some rival people took you and your parents called Fukichi (the fossil) for help.

• He's sent Tetchou and Juono to go and bring you back safely

• By the time he and Juono came to the building you were being held hostage at you were stumbling out before fainting with a giggle.

"I geuss aunties lessons helped...." *BANG*

"Did you see that Juono?"

"I'm blind you dumbass."

• Anyways Tetchou carried you while Juono complained of how loud your heartbeat was.

• You woke up, looking around confusingly.

"U-uhm..."

• You three stopped at a coffee shop and you saw his strange soy-sauce-coffee.... yeah.... 💀

Juono Saigiku

• Juono felt like a full on third-wheeler, making snarky comments here and there about you and him.

• Fukichi invited you over for one of their fancy military annual parties and introduced you to Juono

• Though he couldn't see your face, he liked how calm your presence was and thought that your breathing and heartbeat wasn't as annoying as others.

• Until someone infiltrated the party.

• You were bait by the fossil. That's the whole reason.

• Anyways the group threatened everyone until sort of holding you with a knife to your neck.

• Still, Juono sensed how you were still calm which for some reason made him... worry...?

• Anyways you beat the shit out of the guy which was cool ig

• He liked your methods so he stayed in touch just in case you wanted to help him in torture time for criminals. :)

[archivalofsins]

I really want to vent about something Milgram related, but I don't want to spread negativity either. It's about my general experience in the fandom.

Something that has been less than ideal and the ways it has led me to engage with fandom as a concept in general.

It isn't fair to myself not to use my blog for me, though. This is my space to recount my experiences and opinions on Milgram as a series. The way the fandom has personally impacted me is a huge part of that. Regardless of how impartial I attempt to be, the experiences I've had within this fandom will impact how I engage with the content to an extent.

To the point that I've committed to trial three verdicts already based on the actions of people in this fandom.

I'm not above being petty.

So, I'm going to explain this as politely as I can and move on.

People who have been around on this blog long enough have seen a lot of the experiences I've had in the fandom. I wish I had whined about it publicly more in hindsight instead of going on defense immediately. It's not like I'm ashamed of being defensive or regret my previous actions. On the contrary, in fact, I was going through a lot of stressful and downright dehumanizing shit publicly and privately.

It was a terrible time, and if I knew it was going to be that way quite, honestly, I would have never posted any of those theories and just kept them to myself. Honestly, I'd like to see what the fuck this fandom would be like if I didn't. Considering some of the stuff I'll touch on here.

I'm going to be candid.

I've been spoken about vaguely on more posts than individuals in this community care to admit to the point that I literally had to stop engaging in the tags. I've been directly messaged emotionally manipulative remarks and then blocked by the sender from people in this fandom.

I've been basically called out on confession blogs because people are cowards and the first time they're given the ability of doing something under the guise of anonymity of course they're going to use it to harass someone else in ways they know they could never do publicly.

I've been harrassed and emotionally abused by other fans. Who I considered friends in private. Had my lived experiences and feelings consistently diminished for several months by those people. Plagiarized numerous times which I'm most mad about like you actually stole the fucking words out of my mouth that is a whole different form of disrespect.

I have been gaslit numerous times by well-meaning people again using the guise of ambiguity and anonymity to go,

"Well you can never know for sure, so you should just let it go! Be the bigger person."

And I just gotta go,

"Yeah, you're sooo right. I should have thought of that. I'll never know for sure! Anyone here could have said this. But do I have to stoop to their level? No, I should just be happy that I can't go in the tag because this keeps happening."

Then I gotta feel like I'm losing my mind because no one recognizes the previous thing is more fucked up. It's weird no one sees how that's fucking worse. If someone suspects I vagued about them, they block me and spread rumors in the back that I did vague about them that eventually come back to me anyway. They have this face, this image of me in their mind that they are allowed to act against and keep out of their vicinity. I have nothing, I have to sit here and see people in this fandom and think,

"Was it you? Did you say that?"

Then go no, no, that's not a healthy way to think. Then, I attempt to course correct when it feels like everyone here hates me. Because there's nothing else I can do other than control my response and how I navigate moving forward. I can admit that sometimes I don't navigate these things in a mature and considerate manner. That I get defensive and my language invokes that regardless of how jovially I attempt to take it.

Because when the shoes on the other foot. When I'm just discussing something that it seems as though everyone is discussing. Then someone feels as though that is me speaking vaguely about them regardless of how much i preemptively state it's not about anyone.

Then I inevitably get a,

"Like, hey, why did you do this? Why did you vague about x?"

In a way, that has made it so apparent how heavily policed I am in this environment and how hostile it is toward me. To the point that I can't even speak about something occurring in real time without being perceived as hostile by someone.

Something that felt like it was the case so much that I have post in my drafts that's in fucking Morse Code,

That just says Fuck- because at the time I really felt like I couldn't say a fucking thing without someone taking offense. Then i didn't fucking post this because at the time I was like no even that will be misconstrued just say nothing. So, it's just sitting in my drafts as a reminder.

To just shut the fuck up you don't have to say anything on or engage in this.

This has not changed either. I've adapted, of course, but this has not stopped. When I post, I am now incredibly particular about my wording and overexplain a lot.

Yesterday, I was hanging out with friends while editing that Kazui post over a discord call and said aloud,

"No, I can't say it that way because someone might take offense."

And my friend literally went,

"Who cares if they take offense let them."

As I changed it like no, no... Oh, that wording is too candid and curt, which will be perceived as anger. Then they're going to respond as though they've been attacked or belittled. So, I have to say it this way instead.

Do you know how many times someone has discerned a tone from my texts out of the clear blue sky and gone,

"I didn't like x's tone."

I had one mother fucker go I didn't like "his" tone and gender me as he throughout all of a convo until corrected like uh hey this person is genderfluid they use he and her. It is kind of dismissive and sexist that because you viewed them as hostile and forceful that you immediately gendered them as he.

Other times it's like eyy nice when that happens. Because it's usually not done in a,

"Ew, you're making me uncomfortable. You're scary, and I view you as a dangerous entity. So, I will now project masculinity onto you in order to highlight the danger I see you as."

Be me genderfluid use he and her. See how you experience text-based sexism where people call you her when they view you as more harmless, timid, and uninformed than switch to he when they view you as more hostile, dangerous, or direct. Something that is just what people do to blunt or straightforward black women generally and the fact that's happening through tone policing text really fucking highlights how inescapable this is for me.

To the point that just speaking how I normally would through text, which I very much type the same way I speak is something I have to work to tone down now and be attentive to. I felt as though I couldn't just post like everyone else. This is because that over time, it became apparent to me that regardless of what I said or how much I tried to articulate myself in a more docile way, someone was going to take offense.

I literally talked about a bird and got a lecture. There is no winning. If something is too short, it's like, did you think of this. Too long no one is reading all that. Then, if someone feels as though I was discussing them regardless of how much I truly can't even go in the tag to see whatever they're discussing.

It leads to me having to apologize to that person. Even though I am not responsible for their assumption. I push that to the side and suck it up to the best of my abilities, and apologize. Because my intent, my feelings at this revelation, and the unfairness I feel about it does not change that my actions have negatively impacted and hurt this other individual's feelings.

There is a point that this does stop being on me, though.

However, when an instance in which I've genuinely hurt someone's feelings is brought to my attention, I won't dismiss that. Take note of this it leads into another problem later. I am not responsible for imagined slights and did not have to apologize at all. A good few people who consider themselves good individuals and are would not have apologized.

Because the assumptions of others simply are not their responsibility. So they would consider this an instance of someone taking them egregiously out of context because they choose to view them through bad faith. Then would have gone,

"This seems like something you did all on your own that should have stayed that way. I owe you nothing."

Or would have just ignored it.

Now, I want to touch on how invasive and entitled some people within this fandom can be. I have had so many people ask for private medical information that they are not entitled to.

Yes, saying-

"If you don't have x, then don't speak on y."

Is pushing someone else in a corner where their options are to give personal information on themselves that again wrapping around back to point one is not the business of person saying this nor will giving this information change their opinion. People who say this don't care if you have x they just want you to shut up. People who say this do not care about people who have what they are discussing outside of themselves. It's that simple.

At best, if a person says

"Yes, I have x."

This sort of person will either state the person is lying or that it doesn't matter because what that person said was still wrong. And having x doesn't change the fact that they just think this other person is wrong actually so they should still shut the fuck up. This is really annoying when it comes to how this fandom engages with dissociative identity disorder specifically.

Because they say and do shit like this, then still have the audacity to be wrong about how the disorder works. I've seen posts that state with their full chest that Dissociative Identity Disorder is when there is an existence of three or more distinct personality states.

Just legit redefining the term to exclude two. I've been told two alter system don't deserve representation because they're so rare and it's less likely to occur. Again, it's wild to me how no one recognizes how that sounds. Like to me, that sounds like this specific presentation of this disorder is a minority. Therefore, it is an inaccurate depiction of the majority of individuals with this disorder and should not be represented in media in any nuanced way actually.

That sounds suspiciously like people who said black people rarely buy comics as such, they are not our target demographic and should not be represented in the media. Because it just won't sell, they don't read comics. Girls don't read shonen manga. We do not need well written female characters here. That's not our demographic.

Furthermore, when I have told people that I trust this very sensitive information about myself and my mental health. They weaponized it against me to abuse me for several months. Literally stating in response to me being like hey what you're doing is really upsetting me and hurtful with,

"Well, you have x and y. So, you have to accept that and recognize how you telling me your emotional needs is actually unreasonable. It's holding me to a standard that's far too high. Something you're only doing because you've yet to accept your own limitations due to your impairments. Causing you to project the high standards you put on yourself onto others around you as well and straining your relationships. You need to accept you're disabled. Something that means there are just certain things you won't be good at and won't be able to receive or achieve in life."

Bro, I would just like to not be ghosted. What the fuck does that have to do with this? This person's reaponse to me saying,

"Hey, if I continue to get treated this way, I'm going to leave. Because this isn't even a relationship at this point if most of it is spent avoiding proper communication. It seems neither of you want me here because you're actions and avoidance are displaying that to me."

Was to say,

"If you did that, then that would make you no better than us. Plus, all your relationships will continue to be this way. If you're incapable of compromising here."

That's been my last ten months in private on top of the Milgram shit. At a point, I spoke about the incident semipublically in a shared discord server. Then these two people had me apologize for doing that, like stating how they treated me-

In a space, they were already discussing the situation in instead of communicating with me privately by the way. Yet, me doing it was crossing the line, actually.

Yeah, they had me apologize for this over text not once, not twice but five fucking times in a row, each apology longer and more in depth than the last.

Because me doing that was just such an inconsiderate breech of their privacy and dismissal of their feelings. They even said this was something to be handled in private despite ignoring me privately for months and taking it there.

I want to sit here and say I have no more sympathy or good faith to extend to individuals within this fandom. It would be incredibly fair for me to say this given my experiences. However, I fundamentally believe just because the world can be cruel unreasonably so and kindness is rarely rewarded. That is no reason to spread pain. I would like to believe in people. To believe that they can be considerate of those who exist outside of themselves and respectful of those others.

It is just very difficult to enjoy a space that has seemingly been hellbent on breaking me in every sense of the word.

I didn't think it was possible to say this in a way that didn't feel self pitying or unnecessarily harsh. This may still be harsh to some. Yet I can not comfortably move forward without honestly writing down for myself the impact these experiences have had on me.

It makes me want to engage with fandom less.

Make myself less accessible and that's been reflected in how I do fanfiction now. I'd like to get comments and feedback on the labors of love and appreciation I've made for this series. Yet these experiences have been so damaging that I'm not even comfortable leaving comments on for fanfics anymore. Comments are now off on all my fanfics, not even just milgram ones, and I don't think I'll ever cut them back on.

I locked all of my fanfics for a while, so only registered users could read them. I reached out to be in the milgramblrgram thing because I thought it would be a fun thing to do and a nice way to get more feedback on these things on my own terms. Yet I truly don't think it matters how I do it or how much work I put in because to a lot of people, it just being attached to me makes it wrong.

Because they've built this impression of me that simply isn't true and is isolating.

It makes this a little less fulfilling to continue doing. I only really continue doing it because I do enjoy Milgram a great deal, and it matters a lot to me. Like one of the reasons I was so cool with dumping those people was like well one of you is literally trying to tell me to stop engaging with my hobbies and interests because sometimes I have complaints about them. Which makes it a lot easier to go mm fuck you I had this hobby before I met you and probably will have it after you. Because unlike you this brings me joy it is fulfilling sure I don't like the treatment I've received from other fans but don't get it twisted.

I love Milgram.

That's not going to change. Milgram is not its fanbase. Regardless of how the fanbase can impact the series. I'm writing this to move forward more comfortably with everything that has occurred in this going on two years.

And it may be too much for some, but it's just what I've gone through for me.

[creepylittlelady]

Proxies Headcanons! [Puppet Strings Lore Dump]

Hey! I have an unfortunate confession to make; I used to really like Fanon Masky when I was like 9 years old. Thankfully I finally watched Marble Hornets and realised what the fuck I'd been missing out. I used to love Fanon Toby too but maybe about two years ago I completely rewrote him after a sudden change of heart.

Did Hoody even have a fanon? I don't think he had a personality beyond being Masky's best friend. That's unfortunate seeing as how he's my favourite one out of the pair.

Anyways, the Proxies have always been such an interesting concept to me. I know that they don't exist in canon, but seriously it's an entertaining thing to imagine a sitcom between the Proxies and Slenderman.

So, without further ado, let's get into it!

Proxies Headcanons

-The 'Proxies' are the employees (only slaves like 50% of the time) of the Slenderman. They do have a greater purpose for being 'hired'; to serve as human energy for the Operator to feed off of. That's why the MOST unstable ones get picked to be proxies, since he feeds off of trauma and emotional energy.

-They do get paid, but only when the Slenderman takes over. Sadly he's aware of why they're here but accepts the fact that there's nothing he can really do about it since the Operator's fed on them so much that they'll basically die if they stop being Proxies (if the Operator doesn't kill them first). It's a lose-lose situation, unfortunately.

-As I said prior; they're the most mentally unstable in the whole Mansion. There are six of them; Rouge, X-Virus/Cody, Kate, Masky/Tim, Hoody/Brian, and Toby. Rouge is the oldest (due to the fact that in her original story she was almost married and almost a mother), and Toby is the youngest.

-Many of the Residents avoid them, especially Masky and Hoody. As they're the most well-known Proxies, they're generally known for being violent and ill-mannered towards others besides each-other and Toby. Although they get closer to everyone eventually, most of the residents heavily disliked them when they first arrived.

-Slender has no idea how they got here, although he has an idea of why they could be here. He's got no idea what happened to Toby, Kate, Rouge, or what the hell a Marble Hornets is. No matter how many times they explain what Slender supposedly did to them, he just doesn't remember as Charles wasn't conscious when it happened.

Although (I believe, its been a while) Marble Hornets take place in 2006, they sort of departed from the Labrinth and returned in 2009 after Masky and Hoody find themselves homeless and basically just drug addicts. They put up with Slender as they have no other place to turn to.

-They mainly go on Political Missions; such as assassinating a target in the Underworld, or they kill actual people in the real world. These usually consist of people who get too close to finding out about the Pastas, cultists, and basically just any random target Slender picks out for them.

-They're sort of their own family, as they share rooms in the same corridor which is quite far away from the other Residents. Rouge actually has her own home, but the other four live in the Mansion.

-They all magically have access to drugs. Nobody knows and nobody asks why, but whenever they need a fix, all they need to do is go to Hoody's room and pay $5.

-Speaking of Hoody, he has selective mutism, and even then he rarely talks. He only verbally communicates with the other Proxies, and doesn't speak to anyone else at all. Sometimes he'll randomly chime in to a conversation Toby and Masky are having and laugh as the two jump.

He's just a bit of a goofy guy, really.

-Wondering why I'm exclusively calling them Masky and Hoody? Well, I know it's sort of implied that Tim and Brian have DID and that Masky and Hoody are simply their alter egos, but in this AU they're more like personas that the Operator made up for them. He didn't like how disobedient Tim and Brian are, so when the Operator takes over he personally remolds their personalities so that they're more subservient. It sounds confusing but I'm trying

-I'm going to make a separate post for Tim and Brian, but a little backstory is that the two of them have known each other since Kindergarten and have grown up together since. They're best friends and their bond is just so strong that nobody can ever really come between them.

Although they're seen hanging out with Toby a lot, Toby is aware of the fact that Tim and Brian are the original duo.

-Masky is the unofficial group leader of the Proxies, and everyone else just kind of accepts that. He's a cool guy and does know how to take charge, however he's always incredibly rebellious to the Slenderman's orders, which leaves Toby to step up every time they fuck up real bad.

-Slenderman sometimes accompanies them. He doesn't help, he just watches from a corner and sometimes jumps out at them to scare them. It's a favourite pass time of his. He will help them out on occasion, as keep in mind he is a low-level God.

-Dr. Smiley and Nurse Ann's makeshift Hospital is basically their second home. Since they get injured so much on all of their missions (totally not due to Masky going against the direct orders), they often all come together to get treated with whatever nasty injury they get from their most recent endeavour.

-Hoody and Slender, both people who don't talk very often, easily understand each other. It's sort of an inside joke that they can telepathically talk to each other. It's basically the only form of a relationship they have considering Hoody's very wary of him.

-Masky hates cheesecake. And crayons. And children. And Slenderman (although when it's Charles they're relationship is a bit better). The Masky in this AU would fucking HATE fanon Masky.

Cheesecake is Masky's least favourite food. He'd rather eat a pile of dog shit. Lazari thought this was funny and made sure to include a panel of him eating Cheesecake in every comic that she makes.

I'll get some more later! Hope you enjoyed ;)

[the-final-sif]

what did xqc do to 5up?

Uh, so this was fucking ages ago, but basically they were all playing Among Us, XQC got mad after 5up got him out with an admin table play, and started screaming and shouting. 5up very gracefully found another group to go play with and left because it was an awful stream experience, and XQC went on a huge rant about how 5up was being a baby and was stupid and stuff. Meanwhile 5up was nothing but polite. The one non-streamer there (McConnell?) called XQC on his shit and basically said "what the fuck dude you just scared off the best player??"

Around this time, 5up was mostly playing in sweat lobbies for among us, because his primary friendships were with people that played mafia or LoL with him pre-streaming. A lot of people took notice of how 5up managed to both keep up with super toxic screaming environments often with like, hyper-masculine bs, and still maintain himself in a poised manner. Like not talking over the women in these lobbies, hearing what people had to say, not really screaming back, etc. Dude's out here with 6 guys in the lobby with extremely fragile masculinity, and he's in hot pink talking about cooking and sharing recipes with chat while committing stone cold murders.

As someone who hates the shouting meta, I couldn't stand how XQC behaved during that and how rude he was about it.

This was like 3 years ago though, the two of them talked it out and it's mostly fine. There's no moral reason that I hang onto a grudge, I'm just extremely petty and also tbh still mourning my poor eardrums from X's screaming.

Also btw once the morning lobby got up and running it was so funny watching some of the old sweat lobby people get pulled into the morning lobby. They got yanked from screaming matches into "everyone is having a very nice time and will talk politely and if you're being a dick you will get voted out regardless of correctness". You had people going from screaming rage to having to navigate actual social situations and it was very funny to me every time.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Really hate how fragility has become a virtue. No one wants to toughen up and learn to healthily handle negative emotions or physical hardships. Instead the first sign of adversity is a sign to give up. Actually, it's even worse than that. Because the adversity is greeted like an old friend. Too many people these days want to be disadvantaged, or oppressed, or threatened. So much so that they'll pretend minor inconveniences are Life Threatening Trauma because trauma is now an all purpose shield. Oppression is an all purpose shield. Illness, mental or physical, is an all purpose shield. The people who throw the loudest tantrum are the ones who get coddled the most. That's why certain people scream racism when they get called out on being assholes. That's why certain people scream transphobia when they hear an opinion they don't like. It's because the culture we have now in the west is all about wildly exaggerating problems and being overtly performative about how we "solve" those problems. It's all a show. You're all performing your roles perfectly. And don't you dare think otherwise. You are a performer. Even if you know you're faking and you think you're directing your own show, you're still the performer. But do you wanna know who is directing?

Politicians and the billionaires you claim to hate along with the media who enables them.

Because this society benefits them the most. Yeah, sure, you guys can get a few people fired for expressing an opinion and you might get away with some shitty behavior before your friends and family get wise to you and stop wanting anything to do with you, but that's all you get. And the trade offs?

You have zero ability to be self-sufficient. And I'm not talking about living off the land like a pioneer here. I'm talking basic life skills like cooking and talking on the phone and having manners and holding down jobs and making a budget.

You're scared all the time. You think everyone around you is out to get you unless they loudly and constantly proclaim that they aren't. You think death and assault is around every corner and the only way you can ever feel safe is to give up your rights to the very same people who are lying to you to make you afraid.

You can't make friends with people who aren't exactly like you. You're stuck in a a constant negative reinforcement of every single bad habit you've developed. You've alienated everyone in your life who isn't as bitter and scared as you are.

You refuse to improve your life because if you get better or more healthy the broken people you surround yourself with will turn on you and cast you out.

And it's so ad, because it's actually so easy and satisfying to take control of your life and stop acting like a toddler who got his sucker taken away. Imagine if you didn't have to be scared in a room full of strangers because you knew you had the skills to make polite small talk. Imagine if you didn't have to get mad at every little thing because you have perspective and can realize when things are important and when they're not worth getting upset over. Imagine knowing you could survive unexpected hardships that might come your way because you've done it before. That's what growing up is. And that's what you lose when you insist on being perpetual adolescents. And then, suddenly, when the politicians come around and tell you you need to give up your rights so they can solve all your problems for you, you can say, "Why should I give up anything to you when I can just solve my problems on my own?"

You can take the power back from the people you say you hate, but still rely on to be a surrogate parent. You can live a happy life even if you have to work and struggle and face adversity. Hardship builds character, but only if you have any character to work with. Don't spend your whole life relying on people who don't give a fuck about you as a person to keep you safe and provide for you. Because I promise you, they have zero interest in doing either.

[transmutationisms]

A lot of people think we’re going to see Roman spiral this season - a build up of all the incest jokes, sexual perversion jokes, inability to have sex but nevertheless preoccupied with sex, sexual repression, potential homosexuality etc. I think many people have rightly pointed out that season 3 really built on these themes, to the extent it feels like they are ramping up to something. But at the same time Roman builds such a wall around his emotions it may be difficult to justify a “breakdown”. Do you think they are heading in this direction? And if so what do you think it is? It seems a super difficult question to suss out what is wrong with Roman but do you have any ideas? Current ideas floated on Reddit, Twitter, tumblr are around repression, power, homosexuality, and even potentially SA.

i actually think what's 'wrong' with roman is fairly straightforward. he's internalised logan's gender politics, in which masculinity is powerful, dominant, and superior, whereas femininity is weak, submissive, and inferior. men are better because they fuck with their dicks; women are subordinate because they're the ones getting fucked. roman's problem is that, though he has internalised this paradigm, he continuously identifies himself with the subordinate, submissive feminine role. he wants to be the one getting fucked, and he eroticises hypermasculinity.

this is disgusting to logan both because logan sees his sons' sexual behaviour as being representative of his own, and because roman's sexual preferences are ultimately just a more extreme expression of logan's own propensity to venerate masculinity. recognising roman's sexual desires forces logan to think about things like the fact that men have bodies, which disgusts him, leading him to do things like call roman a faggot.

in isolation, roman wanting to be dominated and penetrated (basically, being a submissive bottom) wouldn't necessarily be a problem. but roman is caught up in logan's orbit, where having these desires makes him a pervert (an invert. some might say) and he can't express them, or even experience them privately, without being hit by a simultaneous wave of shame and disgust at himself.

in terms of why roman is like this, i don't think we will ever get a definitive answer. i don't think succession is a show that has any interest in writing tidy backstories where x traumatic event leads causally to y present-day pathology. certainly we know roman was physically abused as a child, probably more often/intensely than his siblings, and we know that he perceives himself to have always been on the bottom of the hierarchy within the family.

we could list off other shitty and traumatic things that have been stated/implied to have happened to roman in the past, including as a child. but i don't think doing so would actually answer the question "why is roman Like This?" because i think this writing is too smart for that. what we do know is that roman perceives himself as being the weakest and smallest in the family, constantly vulnerable to all manner of violation, and that he jokes about it and eroticises it even though (because) this is the central thing that logan continually physically and emotionally punishes him for.

[fanfic-inator795]

How likely are the Arlo crew members to swear/say curse words?

*AKA back at it again with the silly ATAB headcanons*

Arlo: I feel like Edmee was one of those people/guardians where she'd be very casual about cursing but at the same time would still remind Arlo to watch his own language, though it's more of a 'mind your manners' thing than a 'saying a swear is one of the worst things you could do' thing. As such, Arlo shares a similar mindset, typically choosing not to swear for politeness sake but at the same time not seeing it as a big deal. That being said, this boy is 15 going on 16, so he certainly knows a few of the words - and the first time he swears, for anyone around to hear it it's literally like a brick to the face in terms of how caught off guard they are, lol.

Bertie: Similar to Arlo, she doesn't mind hearing other people curse, but very much feels awkward and self-conscious about doing it herself, at least around others. While she still only does it when she's feeling really emotional or stressed, she's a lot more likely to curse when she's completely alone.

Ansel: Given all that this guy put into his social image and trying to fit into high society, it's nearly impossible for him to actually curse out loud. He's just gotten too used to censoring himself for the sake of keeping up appearances, save for the occasional "damn" or "hell" (or frustrated squawk). THAT BEING SAID, you can bet that when he's super stressed and freaking out about something, while he may be silent on the outside, his inner monologue is very swear-heavy, lol.

Tony: Tends to alternate between cursing in English and Italian, often preferring the latter if only so people can't call him out on what exactly he's saying. Even then, he doesn't drop F-bombs or anything like that too often unless he's truly heated about something. Will try to censor himself somewhat around Arlo and Alia, but otherwise doesn't really bother.

Furlecia: Like Bertie, she's more likely to curse when she's either alone or just around Tony and Marcellus than when she's out in public, though in this case it's less about feeling awkward about it and more about just wanting to sound classy and professional, especially in her salon. Plus, she's just more likely to just start shrieking when things go wrong over letting out a stream of swear words.

Alia: Given that she's still a teen, I imagine she naturally uses the 'lighter' swears - stuff like crap and frick - over the actual swears. I could also see her just naturally preferring to hiss and yowl (and likely use her claws) to express her feelings over giving a long curse-filled rant.

Marcellus: The most likely out of all of them to swear, let's be real here. BUT, at the same time, I could almost see him thinking of swear words as too basic or too easy to use (being in the Tank for so long with other aquatic criminals, it was probably like being in a Vivziepop cartoon with how often he heard people cursing). Like- he'll still drop a classic "fuck you" if he's feeling particularly lazy that day, but if he's TRULY feeling emotional or pissed off at someone, he's gonna get creative with his language in order to be all the more scathing/get his point across all the more clearly.

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

I just reread n00b. Can I just say how great it is!? I love your writing in it!

a preview of the next chapter for your kindness

Wizarding World Wars Homepage

HOGWARTS SECRETS SCAVENGER HUNT EVENT

24 HOUR CHALLENGE

Successfully complete 5 Hogwarts Scavenger Hunt challenges and collect 5 silver Quaffles for one month of unlimited Floo travel

Time Remaining: 23 hrs 16 mins 31 secs

...

Discord Server: WWW Marauders Alliance

Members: Ah-Idk, siriusblack, Bacon4Algernon, Wormtail, Josie

Channel: General Resumed: Monday 8th July 2019, 4:43 p.m.

====================

Wormtail: Guys guys guys!! Are you seeing this?!

Ah-Idk: Just saw it now. I'm free for a bit if everyone else is? No pressure on you @Josie if you're not available or only want to play on Wednesdays.

Josie: I've got a couple of hours to spare before I leave to meet my friend, so I can play for a bit.

siriusblack: Bacon get your arse home, I'm not passing up unlimited Floo

Bacon4Algernon: bugger off i'm busy and only josie calls me bacon YOU can't call me bacon this is not becoming a thing

Wormtail: It's part of your username?

Josie: Yeah guys Did you hear that? Only I can call him Bacon Only I am special

Bacon4Algernon: that is NOT i repeat NOT what i meant AT ALL you are DELIBERATELY misconstruing my words for your own illicit purposes

Josie: Do you ever ramp the energy down to anything resembling normal dialogue, or are you basically always Javert before he leaps off the bridge?

Bacon4Algernon: undermining me in front of the group pretending to have a friend that you "meet up with" as if you aren't a horned brute who festers like a wound beneath the earth's crust, both continental and oceanic time and time again, you tell these LIES

Josie: Call me Jean Valjean, I guess

Wormtail: Lol

Bacon4Algernon: i must insist that you do not reference french fiction at me at this time i am TRYING to set a romantic mood with someone here and it is extremely counterproductive to my efforts

Josie: Awwwwww, Bacon I knew you felt as I did <3

Bacon4Algernon: NOT WITH YOU

Josie: My sweet reine du drame

Ah-Idk: Because whoever heard of the words "French" and "romantic" being used in conjunction with one another?

siriusblack: For fuck's sake, your girlfriend can live without you for one fucking day 24 hour challenges won't wait, Prongs Shelve your frigidly polite over-the-clothes fondling and Uber back to the house I'll even pay for it, you left your debit card on your bed

Bacon4Algernon: so now having MANNERS is an issue?

Josie: Jesus

Bacon4Algernon: you know i'd actually BE at home right now if she didn't feel so uncomfortable around you that she doesn't want to come over, yeah??!

siriusblack: Tell her to change her entire personality

Bacon4Algernon: SIRIUS

siriusblack: Then she can come over whenever she wants

Josie: Oh my GOD Stop it BOTH OF YOU THIS IS LUDICROUS

Ah-Idk: Agreed.

Wormtail: ^

Ah-Idk: I'm getting really sick of this.

Josie: Nobody else in this Discord, and I mean NOBODY, Bacon, since all-caps theatrics seems to be the only language you understand, is interested in dealing with this Cheryl Blossom bullshit

Bacon4Algernon: ??R??GF

Josie: We're here to play a game. A GAME. You're neglecting your brother and he's jealous so he's taking it out on your girlfriend, WE GET IT, people with bigger relationship issues than this one have sorted them out faster than you two just have a conversation and let us live

Bacon4Algernon: firstly, you don't own this server so stop throwing your weight around and setting rules like you're my mother or something

Josie: Your mother owns this server?

Bacon4Algernon: sdhgiksfhd NO AND SECONDLY my biggest problem with sirius is actually that he let YOU into this discord, mephistopheles so stick THAT where your peg's supposed to go

Josie: I'll keep your thesaurus-assisted admonishments out of your arsehole, thanks.

Wormtail: Lmfaooooooooooooooooooooo

Josie: And if your biggest problem with Sirius is that he brought me into the Discord, and not that he's treating your girlfriend like a fucking dishrag, then you're not a very good boyfriend and she should dump you like toxic waste.

Bacon4Algernon: EXCUSE ME??!

Wormtail: DAMN

Bacon4Algernon: what kind of UNFOUNDED ACCUSATION????YOU ARE LUCKY THAT SHE DIDN'T READ THAT

Josie: Then put your phone down and pay her some attention? Anyway, about this challenge

siriusblack: YES, the challenge

Bacon4Algernon: @siriusblack she just insulted you too and what, you don't care?

siriusblack: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Josie: I've already found one Quaffle in Filch's office. So we only need four more to get the Floo.

Bacon4Algernon: WHAT? HOW? THE CHALLENGE STARTED TWENTY MINUTES AGO I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS

Josie: I know it did, it only took me ten minutes. I've had a look at the noticeboard in the common room and one of the clues is definitely pointing to the lake, and I think another's directing us to Myrtle's bathroom, but I'm cool with heading wherever if anything else jumps out at the rest of you.

Ah-Idk: Checking now.

Bacon4Algernon: WAIT WAIT WAIT DON'T DO THIS WITHOUT ME THAT'S NOT FAIR

siriusblack: Come the fuck home, then

Josie: Or maybe DON'T throw your girlfriend over for a game???

siriusblack: Anyone have gillyweed?

Josie: Unless you genuinely never want to get pegged by anyone at all.

Bacon4Algernon: HAH I DO I DO

Josie: Want to get pegged?

Bacon4Algernon: I MEANT THE GILLYWEED HADES

siriusblack: I'll rephrase that Does anybody present and currently still loyal to the party have gillyweed?

Bacon4Algernon: SIRIUS

Wormtail: I've got some gillyweed.

Ah-Idk: I agree re: the lake, it seems obvious from the clues. Happy to head there if everyone else is.

Bacon4Algernon: STOP LEAVING ME OUT. I WANT TO PLAY it's not fair for you all to PERSECUTE me for being with the woman i like and could see myself loving in 8 to 10 months i'm trying to be an attentive boyfriend don't make this my sophie's choice

siriusblack: I just put food in my stomach, you prick

Wormtail: Weird way to say "ate" but ok

Ah-Idk: Sophie had to choose between her children, Prongs. Her literal children. The one she didn't choose died.

Josie: Oh for god's sake, we're not starting this again, I can't deal. What time are you due to get home?

Bacon4Algernon: who?

Josie: YOU, FLOOZY WHO ELSE?

Bacon4Algernon: idk satan she's got to go to a thing with her parents at 7 so after that

Josie: Fine. I'll be back from seeing my friend at 9ish, I can play then if everyone else is free.

Wormtail: I can play at 9.

siriusblack: @Josie You don't have to pander to Prongs, let's just take the lake mission now

Josie: Including every member of the party isn't pandering? It's being a decent fucking person.

Ah-Idk: Happy to play at 9, I've got chores to do this evening anyway and I can't face Prongs and Sirius arguing AND looming dirty dishes all at once.

Josie: Cool. So we're all sorted.

siriusblack: Sorted according to who, exactly?

Josie: According to me. Take issue with it, please, I beg you. Then maybe you and Bacon can bond over what a hellish, nasty bitch I am and be friends again, saving us all from further aggro.

siriusblack: Nice try, compadre But you know I can't stay mad at you for long

Josie: -_-

siriusblack: I wish I knew how to quit you

Josie: Thanks...Jake Gyllenhaal?

Bacon4Algernon: fine then i'll be back online at 9ish

Josie: Not going to thank me for anything, no?

Bacon4Algernon: thank you for what, keeping winged monkeys gainfully employed?

Josie: Thanks for that babe, love you too

[halfamask]

Ok final Mokuba + Serenity for today bc now I’m thinking about him coming over to the Wheeler’s. I’m headcannoning that Joey and Serenity just have an apartment together once he gets a job and she just lives with him while she does school

Mokuba does Not go to Serenity’s for school stuff it’s just that one day Joey tells her he’s having Yugi, Tea, and Tristan over in the evening and she asks if she can invite Mokuba and for a second he’s like “a Kaiba?? In MY home??” But she’s his sis and Mokuba’s chiller than Seto so he says yes.

So Mokuba randomly gets a text mid-afternoon inviting him over and he lowkey freaks out bc he’s Mokuba Kaiba and he’s never actually been invited to a friend’s place before and what does he do what does he wear and should he bring anything?

He settles on an outfit that she picked for him at the mall once and has their chef pack up pastries to bring over as a host gift bc he is a nice, polite, well mannered boy and Seto raised him Right. And even if his brother has a blind spot of rage for Joey Wheeler, Mokuba does not.

He goes over kinda nervous because he’s never really socially met anyone there except Serenity but Yugi’s the one who opens the door and he’s so earnestly happy to see him that Mokuba feels at ease immediately. If Tristan and Joey were wary at first it’s gone by the time they spot and eat the pastries (the Kaiba’s pastry chef is very good) and Tea never disliked him so she includes him immediately too.

They all just basically play games and Mokuba discovers the world beyond Duel Monsters. He gets really into Just Dance with Serenity and Tea and Joey and Tristan put him onto FIFA (of course they’re fifa bros). They teach him to play Smash and he loses awfully to Serenity playing Kirby (she’s absolutely a Kirby or Princess Peach player) Mokuba changes characters every round before eventually settling on Link. He loses Smash to everyone except Tea who’s admittedly not very good at it.

The night is mostly video games and sodas and pizza delivery and he’s just so happy because he never really envisioned being part of something like this you know? And he thinks he could spend forever on this couch, holding Serenity’s Kuriboh plushie in his lap and laughing with her as Tristan and Joey yell at each other about their Smash game.

He is, however, very much like thirteen or fourteen years old and has had more excitement and sugar in a day than he knows what to do with and eventually crashes on the Wheeler’s couch. Yugi’s planning on sleeping over but by the time Tristan and Tea leave, Serenity’s also conked out on an armchair which leaves Joey in the unfortunate position of having to call Seto on her phone to pick his kid brother up.

Which leads to this wonderful exchange:

Seto, respectfully and amicably: Hello, Serenity?

Joey: no it’s me

Seto, audibly less respectfully and amicably: What do you want, Wheeler

Joey: come get ur kid he’s passed out on my couch cuddling my I mean my sister’s Kuriboh plushie

Seto: damnit fine *hangs up before he can get the address but he’s tracking Mokuba’s location anyway so whatever*

Seto has to stop himself from making barbs about Joey and Serenity’s relatively small apartment (yk, compared to his mansion) mostly because he doesn’t want Serenity to hear. Atem has found some reason to take over Yugi’s body while Joey and Seto wake up their respective siblings.

Serenity and Mokuba are fully leaning all their weight on their big brothers as they all walk to the front door to see Seto and Mokuba out. Mokuba’s really cheerful as he thanks Serenity and Joey for the invite and Seto’s not so subtly eye fucking I mean glaring at Atem and making barbs about how he must’ve been too scared to duel if he spent this whole time playing stupid children’s games on the console (my dear seto duel monsters is also a children’s game but it’s ok I love you still)

But really despite all the barbs at Joey at the end of the day they’re just two dudes rapidly losing the ability to drag their ever growing little siblings’ full weight. And Serenity is sleepily saying bye and trying her hardest to lift her head from Joey’s shoulder and Mokuba has a tired smile on his face as he gets his shoes on and makes no pretense about falling right back asleep on Seto once they’re in the car. And at the end of the day, isn’t this all they’ve ever wanted?

(Also it’s cute to think about Mokuba “kidnapped every other season” Kaiba trusting people other than his brother enough to fall asleep around)

[niuttuc]

About my Planeswalker-sona !

I have two actually, who are like twins and were both born on Eldraine (the set where I first began to play!). They were raised as knights at first but then they ignited their spark (idk how yet) and had a lot of experiences that made them change a lot.

One is a mardu-artifact wielding gruff sellsword man. He is trying to form an inter-planar mercenary force that could be hired to diverse ends, even tho it would most likely be violence. He isn't the most morally straight person, and isn't afraid to perform such violence in exchange for whatever currency or favor he can muster, but he can't help be a little white aligned and won't stoop to really evil deeds if he can help it or if he notices it. He won't call it "honor" but more like, preserving his reputation in avoiding to harm defenseless people and the like. He is short tempered, a bit ill mannered, and doesn't care about politeness most of the time but *will* respect a good warrior or other people in his line of work. He would be hard pressed to *truly hate* someone but can hold grudges for a good while. His powers are to store copies of artifacts (mostly equipments) he has seen in a remote access bag-of-holding-like demi-plane and bring them out whenever he wants like a powered down Gate of Babylon thing from Fate. His prefered style of battle is wielding a colossus hammer and a brass knuckle and going wild on his ennemies!

The other is his evil-twin, idk if they were born from the same mother or not but they look a lot like each other. Basically personnality wise he's a little evil gremlin that enjoys being chaotic and fucking with people. He's a bit like Ashiok in that regard, but while seeming a bit less "aloof" I'd say? He's still mostly doing stuff for his own enjoyment tho. He is simic aligned, and his thing is to be able to dominate weak animals and constructs, a bit like Lukka, but without a "two ways" link of the sort, because he can only impose his will upon really weak beings. But then, his greatest joy is to pump them up to great heights with green spells to surprise people and bring chaos to wherever he is, which annoys his brother a lot. People mistake them a lot and since this one is very elusive they tend to find the mardu one and bring their grievances to him even tho he hasn't done anything. For some reason, he seems to be able to dominate weak infected monsters without spreading the oil or getting infected himself (to his knowledge at least), which is his lattest "fun discovery": indeed, killing with poison is way easier than with damage... He's taking advantage of the current situation to keep an infected myr with him at the moment, but how long will that last?...

That's it ! They don't have names yet because I'm very bad at naming and I don't want to feel like, cringe lol. But I love that in the lore we're supposed to *be* planeswalkers when we duel ! So they are both the pilots of my two favorite decks : a Syr Gwyn equip/knights commander deck, and a pauper simic infect deck.

I want to keep evolving them as I keep evolving as a player too. Maybe I will give them names, new adventures, write more... or at some point retire them, if I change a lot? In any case, I like them a lot!

Interesting, not quite as mirrored as the beginning got me to assume, but still two folks that are quite different. You say they were "raised as knights", what's that to mean? Where they already adult knights on Eldraine before sparking or just educated in view of them becoming knights? Was this their parents' expectations or their own? What castle's knighthood did they have/were they aiming after?

[khaleesiofalicante]

Time to talk research to you because if anyone will understand my excitement on writing a research paper, it will be you.

I’m in a writing course and a social work course this year, and so I’m working on two research papers for these classes that I am really excited to touch on.

For the writing course, he just wants a paper on a topic that we are passionate about. So originally, it was going to be on some of the negative affects of individuals being on the Internet, and while I was down the rabbit hole for that, I found this book on how the Internet has negatively shaped US politics, And so now I’ve narrowed down my topic to that and it is so interesting and like I am genuinely excited to write this research paper. I just need to work up the energy to go through all the sources that I found because it’s a lot.

And then for my social work course, I am writing a paper on how students with disabilities have been impacted by a lack of accessible education within the US public education system. Because schools are not given adequate funding for students to have necessary technology, or even for buildings to be created in an inclusive manner. Plus, most teachers are not actually trained to work with students that have disabilities until they actually have a student who is then basically tasked with teaching their teacher, or having to be isolated from their fellow students by being put into a special education class whether or not they actually need it. and like I can go on and on especially because I was a student with a disability within the US education system and so were many of my friends. So like this topic is very much one that I resonate with, and one that if I could I would write a whole book on but my professor said that I have to stick within the 6 to 8 page guidelines.

I love self-directed research projects!

PS: my friends in my social work class think that the work you do is very interesting and are impressed with how long you have been doing it. Hopefully that brightens your day some :-) sending you love and very tight hugs if you’d like them

Ily💙

Oh! I'm so so excited for you! These are some amazing ideas and please you can call text (or hehe call) me if you want to discuss this!

I think it's a great idea to write a paper on the impact of social media on US politics. It's an extremely broad topic, so it would be good if you can pick out a few topics you can focus on. For example, Disinformation and Polarizations are crucial areas of research and work with regard to social media and the US political system.

The social work paper sounds fucking fantastic! There is a lot of research on this too. Make sure to use an intersectional approach, you also talk about the challenges of disabled students who also happen to be queer or women or ethnic minorities. I've read some excellent research papers on how the lack of sexual education, which can affect all students, has a disproportionate impact on already vulnerable communities like queer people or disabled people.

I'm so excited for you. And I reiterate, remember to ask for help!

PS - Please pass my love on to your kind friend. It did make me smile 💙

[hiveruled]

cattell 16 factor test.

Warmth ||||||||||||||| 46%

He's more often than not, cold towards people. It's only if he makes the choice to get closer to you that he'll feign some semblance of compassion or selflessness, i.e. if you're a part of his cult he does care for you more than most. If we're talking about pre-cult Kai that's a slightly different story, as he'll show more warmth to someone if he sees that someone is being wronged in some way, this also applies to him when he's a cult leader, but due to past experience, he's a lot more hesitant.

Intellect ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%

As someone with a high IQ mixed with his ADHD, holding a conversation with individuals who are of a more shallow nature or just plain boring is difficult. If someone doesn't intrigue him, he's very unlikely to stick around long.

Emotional Stability |||||| 14%

He doesn't have a good control on his emotions whatsoever and is very unpredictable with what mood he'll be in. Over the years and all the trauma he's gone through, it has broken down tremendously. And as we see in canon, only continues to go down until he has a full mental break.

Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%

Anger and aggressive behavior in general has always been an issue for him, but it only gets worse and unmanageable after his parents die. He's impulsively violent, but can also just be aggressive with his words and how he interacts with others socially, disregarding a lot of basic manners.

Liveliness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%

He can have his moments of enjoying of peace and quiet and doing nothing all day but sitting around on his laptop. But Kai really does love doing things that stimulate his brain, he lives for causing chaos, exploring places he probably shouldn't be. He has a lot more energy than most may think.

Dutifulness |||||||||||| 34%

Though there is clear structure to his whole plan and the cult itself, one of the biggest things is that he's causing chaos while doing all of it. He'll preach about traditional "conservative" values, calling for law and order in the system, but ultimately that isn't what he wants. He's rebelling against everything.

Social Assertiveness ||||||||||||||| 42%

This is a tricky one for Kai, because why take up politics and why be a leader of a group if you're not sure of yourself in social situations? This really comes down to him faking it until he makes it honestly. Kai may have a god complex and may be the loudest voice in the room, but deep down, this man is a walking contrary to that. He's very much insecure about himself and his abilities to succeed, so he tries to convince everyone otherwise so he doesn't appear weak.

Sensitivity ||||||||||||||| 46%

Kind of in conjunction with the last one, Kai feigns a very confident and tough exterior, seemingly unbothered by anything. And a part of that is actually true, especially when it comes to carrying out or witnessing violent acts, or in general if someone insults him with something very impersonal, it doesn't normally get to him. But oh boy, when he's in a mood and/or someone hits those weak spots, he'll go fucking nuts.

Paranoia |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%

A part of this has to do with his schizophrenia, another part is just simply the unfortunate lack of trust he had in people growing up. Kai has a very difficult time trusting other people or situations that have potential of destroying everything he believes he's accomplished. He's constantly suspicious of another person's motives if he doesn't seek them out first and it makes building real relationships very difficult for him.

Abstractness ||||||||||||||| 46%

It's kind of a fifty-fifty shot on how Kai's going to be around certain people. He can present himself as an average politician who can even be polite at times. Other times he's got a strange vibe to him and isn't ashamed to show it off. He often admires people who have the courage to stray from the norm.

Introversion |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%

As with his troubles with trusting others, Kai very rarely gives people an insight on who he really is and what his life story is, in fact he lies to practically every member of the cult about who he is to keep them at a distance so they can't hurt him. The only person who knows him fully is Winter. Really all his life he's never seen the upside in telling anyone much about himself, preferring to stay quiet about it.

Anxiety ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%

This also combines with the social assertiveness question, but Kai is very self-doubtful underneath all the layers of delusional and faux confidence he has. He's so afraid of failing, of not becoming anyone important and the world not knowing his name, of not leaving a mark on history even when he's dead and gone, of not making his mother proud and proving his father wrong. He doesn't want all of the things he did to be for nothing and its a fear that consumes him more than he lets on.

Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%

Honestly this percentage should be much, much lower but I'm not retaking it again dfhghdfb. Kai is very stubborn when it comes to changing his mind on beliefs he has because he thinks he's the smartest guy around, having some very shitty takes like his view towards women. At the same time though, I do try to portray Kai as having a good chunk of these closeminded behaviors being more of a way for him to stir up a reaction more-so than him truly believing the things he's saying. That being said for example; my version of Kai wouldn't ever be transphobic towards a trans muse, he may not fully understand it, but he really doesn't care about what you present as, so long as you can help his movement.

Independence ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%

He does want to be left alone so he isn't distracted or overstimulated a good portion of the time. But just as much, he craves social interaction. He never had very many friends growing up and honestly the cult is a perfect way for a lonely guy like Kai to round up a whole bunch of friends. Not to mention some of the killings done by the cult are done even when Kai isn't present. Obviously since it is a cult, he heavily relies on the group effort to push him forward and support him.

Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%

The concept of doing things the right way and everything going according to plan is something that's been beaten into his head since he was a child. Scoring a high IQ at a young age really set the tone for Kai striving to meet expectations throughout his education until he got into college and switched his major out of spite towards his father. Though defiant of this perfectionism, he still can't help but still hold himself to those high standards even as an adult.

Tension ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%

He mostly puts himself through a lot of the stress he experiences, but even then Kai generally appears as a man that holds a fair amount of tension. He's deeply unsatisfied with his life and is trying to use this extreme method of coping with that to get to a place where he's happy. Although, that would never happen, even if he did get what he wants.

Tagged by: @langdhon <3

Tagging: Anyone else that wants to do this!

[system-of-a-feather]

I want to thank you for writing about your persecutor. I don't have DID but the way I handled the abuse was by becoming very mean and, well, "evil", and it worked! The abuse didn't stop but it became less severe. Ad it has been awful to unlearn the behaviors that saved me. Combined with the shame, it makes me hate myself most days. It feels better when I see other people having the same experiences. ❤️

(gonna just put a disclaimer that I am probably saying shit that isn't the "most healthy" at some point cause I'm not giving a shit and my filter is kinda off so like, I'm kinda just speaking my mind, good shit and bad, so like, obligatory "I have an egosyntonic disorder and I'm speaking my mind so theres probably Disordered Stuff here but idgaf enough to do more than put a disclaimer on here"; I think I might start using the tag "pd hours" if anyone wants to filter that)

I technically don't consider myself a persecutor even though I have persecutory tendencies, but that aside glad to share. Tbh I run on the life principles of hide nothing and never sacrifice your own self for the sake of others or anything, so I'm unapologetic for who I am, sometimes to a point people might call it a problem, but quite frankly that mentality was key and vital in the past and has been serving our healing and recovery massively.

We have another part in our system that ran a similar function and dynamic but they have a history of actually feeling shame around it due to how the systems previously treated it and honestly, if you are feeling the same, then Ill say what I said to them and tell you that you really dont have to and shouldnt have to feel that guilt and shame for survivng effectively in a way and environment that was inherently abnormal and abusive.

Fuck the narratives of shit like "eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" and crap. 9/10 times it comes from people who haven't lived through the shit themselves and like to judge what they think they would do in the situation cause they have a moral high horse, and that 1/10 times that it comes from another survivor it comes from someone who coped and survived in a different manner and is on a high horse as a defensive "us vs them" mentality (ex "narcissistic abuse"). And if its not either of those two groups, fucking bitchasses didn't live through the same shit I did and don't know what the fuck they are talking about regarding my life and should keep their fucking noses out of it.

If there is anything I learned from surviving what we did, it's that my life is here for me (collective) to live. If anyone that isn't a part of "me" wants a say or judge in my fucking life and life story then they can quite frankly go stick their nosey noses up theirs and fucking leave. If people can't respect the fucking strength that comes from surviving that crap just because you "uwu became mean" then they can really just fucking get lost

Don't let anyone fucking make you apologize for living and being alive, and as a result, dont let anyone fucking make you be sorry that you did shit and learned to be a way that kept you alive. Your life is yours to live and you have a right to do what it takes to defend it.

Like political XIV moment here, but any person that runs a system (not DID, just like general term 'system') that puts people in a place where they have to struggle to survive, that said person should expect misbehavior, lashing out, and a sense of chaos and instability. People struggling to survive will inherently fight back and anyone who thinks that is wrong is just fucking stupid. Its a natural thing to do and a natural instinct. Anger, rage and destruction is an adaptive response to people encroaching on your life, your boundaries, and your basic human rights and needs. If anyone fucks with any of those three, they should be expecting retaliation

You don't have to retaliate and those that don't are completely valid and that survival mechanism should be respected as long as they don't throw others under the bus, but anyone who tries to shame those for retaliating are honestly assholes I want nothing to do with cause lowkey radiating so much "me centric" capitalistic privilege.

But anyways, I digress.

Long story short, you don't need to feel like shit for surviving and being alive. Your life is yours to live and you have a right to defend that in whatever means is necessary. Anyone who says otherwise can shut the fuck up cause they don't know shit about you or your life, especially if you are working on fixing it.

Besides, evil and good and morally right and wrong is really just bullshit social constructs to control behavior and force assimilation but thats a whole separate ramble of mine.

-XIV