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xzaddyzanakinx · 5 days

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Not That Kind of Guy

Part Nine: Stalker!Anakin Skywalker × femme reader series

Warnings: stalking, weirdo behavior, psychotic/delusional behavior, possessive/protective, sexism/misogyny, sexual content/fantasizing, pervy behavior, panty/scent kink, mask kink (Ghostface), gaslighting/manipulation, nude vids/pics, rape mentioned (somnophilia), gen. sexual content, Panic/Anxiety Attack, forced nudity [Be sure to pay attention to future warnings in the series]

Info: Anakin/Ghost having thoughts?? Unselfish ones?? Luke can’t stop roasting/sassing you [diary entries from Ani] [texting/letters/notes]extremely not proofread. MDNI 18+

Diary Entry: August 10th

I think enough time has passed. I think you’re ready to see Ghost again.

I thought it would take longer for you to recover, but as always, the little fawn in you is curious as ever. Quick to forget fear and ready for the newest challenge.

You’ve responded so well to everything. I’m very proud of you.

I’ve been keeping up with my visits, still cleaning, still watching, still following and protecting.

Now that you know of Ghost, I’ve started completing my tasks. I don’t have to leave anything halfway finished, the dishes are done everyday along with the vacuuming and dusting. I even mop twice a week.

And change the cat litter, which might I add, is disgusting. (Worth it though because I love that little menace.)

I thought for sure you’d run and tell me that you didn’t think the alarms I installed weren’t working, but you didn’t, you just repeatedly tested them yourself. It was very loud, very annoying and I know you could hear the woman down the hall banging her pots and pans together to fight back with her own noise. You didn’t care though, you just wanted to make sure the alarms worked.

They do work, I wouldn’t have installed fake ones, that would be stupid. I’m all for keeping you safe so… what’s one more safety measure?

I just know that they can also be very easily disarmed. Even through the inch and a half thick wooden door to your apartment. A piece of sheet metal (credit card sized) and my handy dandy super strength magnet works like a charm.

You’re such an odd bird. You haven’t told anyone, I don’t think it’s really even crossed your mind too much either. You’ve begun to pretend the cameras aren’t even there. You just go about your normal day to day life and occasionally squint and stare at random objects.

You never actually go check them out though. Is it all for show? I think it might be.

I think you like being watched. I bet it makes you feel safe doesn’t it? Knowing I’m always there for you?

——————————————————————————

You know what the best part of all this is?

Ghost will let me love you in the way that is natural and normal to me. I just hope that you’ll be willing to accept that we are one in the same.

Ghost can comfortably do all the things that I’ve been afraid to. I didn’t want to scare you, but it really was difficult not to leave you things. I’m so glad that you brought that up in your list of questions because it gave me the opportunity to act on it without you flipping out.

Do you like them? I love leaving things for you. Especially little notes.

Ghost has been kind enough to stay out of your way when I’m around, but I can resist making you squirm occasionally. Remember when I left you a note, KNOWING I’d be coming home with you later that day?

Oh babe. It was so oddly intoxicating to see the way you reacted when I got back home and pulled up the footage. You snatched up that slip of paper didn’t read it and didn’t toss it in the trash, didn’t put it in your pocket.

You shoved it in your mouth so I wouldn’t see it. Freak.

I saw it all chewed up and gross in the bathroom trash. You didn’t read it. I know you didn’t. So I’ll have to get alittle more creative.

Don’t ignore me.

DATE

August 13th

For the third morning in a row you woke up to a text from your own cellphone number.

‘Sleep well deer?’

Idiot. Can’t even spell. So finally on this third day, you sent a text back and corrected him.

‘Dear*’

Immediately a response buzzed through.

‘No.’

No? What does he mean no?

‘Little doe. My deer. 🦌’

Oh great, so stalkers use emojis and he’s given you a nickname. How cute.

You laid back in your bed and tossed your phone aside, hands covering your face as you rubbed the sleep away.

The longer this went on, the more insane you felt. This wasn’t normal, of course it’s not normal. So why are you allowing it?

You could ask yourself that a million times and you’d never find an answer.

You could throw away every flower he brought you and they’d still keep coming. You could burn every piece of paper in the city and chew every pen until it’s broken beyond repair and he would still find a way to write you a note.

You could swallow every word he writes, throw it up, flush it, whatever. It’s just going to pop back up. Gross and soggy with an amendment attached and in your panty drawer.

You thought maybe it was an important one. So you read it. Quickly discovered it was semi-important, Ghost just wanted to remind you that he loved you and he was proud of you for continuing to drink your tea even though you knew it was drugged. Once you’re out of it, he’s going to set the pills out next to your birth control. So he ‘doesn’t have to fool with measurements anymore’.

The addendum to the note was tucked inside the original:

‘Good girls swallow.’

You could ignore the trinkets, the jewelry or the pretty stones and shells. But he would just move them to a different spot and force you to eventually set it in your jewelry box along with all the others.

He’s not been bold enough to come around with Anakin in your home. The nights that Anakin sleeps over, there are no gifts, no cleaning done. No disturbances.

But Anakin doesn’t deter him completely.

He’s left you one note at Anakin’s apartment, the first time you’d slept away from your own home in ages. Ghost had the audacity to slip a note into the pocket of your shorts while you slept in the same bed as Anakin in his apartment.

It didn’t say anything, no words, just a heart in red ink. Like he just wanted to remind you that he was there and you were his whether you wanted to be or not. Anakin or no Anakin, Ghost didn’t care.

It’s been horrible lying… omitting the truth to Anakin. Sometimes you feel like blurting it out, but something always stops you. Morbid curiosity maybe. Or maybe you just like the thrill of it, that little shiver of adrenaline you get every time he makes himself known.

It would all stop if you told Anakin. Neither would quit until he’d hunted the other man down and gotten rid of him.

They’d kill each other.

——————————————————————————

Anakin worked tonight, so you had plans to meet up with Luke (sans his pet leech) for a late evening dinner. As much as you loved Han and appreciated everything he did for Luke, how happy he made him, you really just wanted some time alone with your best friend.

So you were thrilled to receive a text around 1:00pm from Luke:

‘Don’t be late. I’m dying to catch up babe.’

You quickly opened the message but before you finished typing, a voice message popped up in your notifications, sent from your number.

You abandoned the chat with Luke and opted to open the voice message instead.

‘I’m coming home.’ then a long pause, ‘have fun with Lukey.’

That scratchy filtered voice; you’d yet to hear it over the phone and this being the first time… it sent you right back to the very first time you watched Scream. That icy chill that snuck up the back of your neck, the tightening of your chest… you felt it now, just not because of fear.

You felt it because you were excited.

——————————————————————————

“Okay, seriously what do you keep looking at?” Luke prodded, snatching your phone and sliding it into his jacket pocket.

“Nothing it’s just-“

“My phone is on ‘do no disturb’, because I have missed my buddy, my pal, my best friend.” He paused, his pointer finger jabbing the table between your plate and his.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed. “I haven’t even unlocked it! It’s just sitting there.”

“True, but the obnoxious tapping to check whatever it is you’re hoping for is getting annoying.” Honesty, brutal or not, was Luke’s love language.

“Fine. I’m sorry, I’ll put it in my pocket.” You agreed, holding your hand out palm up.

“No ma’am. This is mine until the check comes.” His answer was definitive, no room for argument there. “What’s so important anyway? I know Anakin is at work.”

“It’s just work stuff.” You huffed.

“Oh? What’s so pressing at the diner?” He scoffed, “got a big shipment of ketchup coming in? Are you ‘on call’?”

“Luke.” You rolled your eyes at his jab. “No and yes. I am ‘on call’ actually. Sara’s son has been sick.’

Not a total lie, he has been sick. Poor guy. But her husband was home with him and he was being well looked after.

“Okay? That’s your problem how?”

“God you’re so negative sometimes.” You sighed. “Her babysitter hates vomit. If he throws up Sara will have to go home.”

“Ew.” He scrunched up his nose. “I’m eating.”

“Okay? That’s my problem how?” You said mockingly.

“Really? Like for real that’s why you keep checking your phone?”

“Yes really.” Giving him a look that screamed duh’. “Her baby sitter is the 14 year old girl that lives next door to her. Do you really suggest leaving a 14 year old in charge of a vomiting 2 year old? When that 14 year old is disgusted by puke? That’s a recipe for disaster.”

It would be a disaster, her sitter is 14. She just happens to be on vacation with her mother right now. Hence the temporary stay at home husband.

“Okay, first of all, 14? Isn’t that alittle young?”

“No? I started babysitting when I was 12.” You shrugged.

“Fine.” Luke sighed. “Here.”

He slid your phone back to you and propped his chin up on his fist. Watching you check it one last time before turning on the sound and putting it in your back pocket.

——————————————————————————

‘I’m walking home now!’

You shot off the text to Anakin after saying your goodbye to Luke at the restaurant. You’d refused his offer to walk you home, you didn’t want him anywhere near your apartment building knowing that Ghost would be there.

Six minutes later he replied:

‘Good girl.🥰 let me know when you get there safe.’

‘Will do💕’

And you did, the moment you stood outside your apartment door.

‘Made it! See you tomorrow💕’

You waited in the hall to receive his response. You didn’t know what would be waiting for you on the other side of this door, and you didn’t want to chance it.

‘Perfect. Sweet dreams doll!’

Your hand poised at the door knob, you inserted your key to discover your door was already unlocked. You very slowly opened the door, but saw no one in your kitchen or living room.

But your bedroom door was closed, boogie hadn’t meowed as loudly as possible and sprinted to you, demanding to be fed. He did say that they were good friends. So they both must be in your room.

Would it be wise to lock your door? The few precious seconds leaving it unlocked would save if you needed to run… no, no. Just lock it. Doorknob. Deadbolt. Chain.

‘Just stay calm’

You kicked off your shoes and tossed your bag to the floor, walking quietly across the carpeted living room to pause in front of your bedroom. A soft yellow glow shone beneath the door, your lamp must be on. You could hear your tv playing something, not quite sure what it was, but it had the all too familiar cadence of a horror flick.

The audacity of this man astounded you.

When you pushed open the door, he was laying in your bed, shoes off, legs crossed at the ankles, propped against the headboard, arms behind his head. He looked like he belonged there. As big a contrast as it was… your soft, pink, feminine room and him. All black, the mask. He just looked so comfortable.

Your cat, the little traitor, was curled up on his chest. It was kind of sweet. How could such an inherently terrifying scenario seem so normal?

Ever so casually he tilted his head toward you, his right hand raising from its relaxed position to lazily give you gloved finger waggle for a wave.

“Have fun?” The filtered voice drifted over to you.

“Yes.” You answered quietly, glued to the spot.

“Are you just going to stand there?” He laughed. “I would come pick you up, but it’s illegal to move a sleeping cat.” He gestured to boogie who had still not moved from her human pillow.

You couldn’t help but laugh, eyebrows raised in an expression of awe filled shock. This was too weird. Too normal. Too scarily alluring.

Yet you found yourself at the edge of the bed, not really knowing how you got there to begin with.

“Sat you some pajamas out.” He said dismissively, the mask fixed onto the tv screen. “Figured you’d wanna change.”

“Huh.” You snorted, seeing that he had.

You expected to see one of your lacy lingerie sets. But he’d chosen something much more modest that you would’ve ever imagined. Loose, thin, stretchy fabric pajama pants, the matching cropped tank top, and fuzzy socks.

“Um. Thanks?” You said awkwardly, picking them up and turning on your heels to change in the bathroom.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He chuckled.

“To the bathroom?” You scoffed, looking over your shoulder at him.

“You can change in here.” He wasn’t offering. He was telling you.

“No way.” You shook your head. “No I’m not-“

“C’mon little doe.” The filtered voice left little room for change in tone, but you could tell from his body language that it was a challenge.

“Ghost. No! I have Anakin I don’t-.”

He laughed. “I don’t care.”

“Well I do.”

“Mmm… not enough. You’re letting me be here. You didn’t tell him. You didn’t mention me to anyone at all actually.” He pointed out.

“Well that’s not-“

“Hush.” He snapped, making you stall. “I’ve seen that pretty little body of yours plenty of times. What’s one more?”

“But-“ your face was so red hot that you could feel the heat spreading down your neck.

“What? I’m not gonna get up.” He said plainly. “I’m comfy right here where I can watch you.”

“I don’t… this isn’t right.”

“Don’t pull that bullshit with me.” He scoffed. “Nothing about this is ‘right’. But you’re letting it happen, yeah?” He said and got just a nod from you in response.

“That’s it.” He moved his arm to point two fingers at you, “get on with it sweetheart. I wanna see my girl.”

“I’m not your-“

“You were mine first.” He snapped.

“Well, that’s not very fair.” Your voice shaking. “I didn’t even know you were…. I didn’t know about you!”

“That might be true.” He growled, “but it’s your fault for being so ignorant.”

“I-I don’t…” you felt like you were on the verge of a tantrum. This man was outrageous, coming into your home uninvited, being a fucking perv, acting like he owns the place, and now he’s calling you ignorant?

“Do you realize how stupid it is for you to argue with me about the morality of all this?” He asked, going back to his former relaxed state.

“You. Are allowing me to be here. You had all day to call the cops if you wanted to. But you didn’t.” That smug little bastard laughed. “I’ve been here for over two hours. You knew I’d be here when you got back.”

“That’s not-“

“I’m not finished.” He held up a finger and silenced you. “You’re mine. You’ve been mine and you will continue to be mine.”

“I don’t care that you are pretending to be appalled by the situation you are in.” His voice was even and unyielding, he was so confident in his statements.

“You know why I don’t care?” He asked, tilting his head toward you condescension oozing from every pore.

“Why?” You squeaked.

“Because I know, without a doubt, that if I were to stick my hand down your pretty pink panties; you’d be wet right now.”

How did he know what color your underwear is? Better question: why is that the first thing you thought of when there were much more pressing matters at hand?

“That’s not true.” Your voice sounded hollow.

“It’s not?” He laughed. “Show me then.”

“What?” You whispered, eyes bugging out of your head.

“Do it. Prove to me that you’re not soaked.” He snickered.

“That’s not fair you can’t just-“

“You’re not running are you? You haven’t said no, you haven’t come over here and smacked me.” He interrupted.

You stood there with your jaw dropped, you needed a dustpan and broom to sweep up your shattered facade of denial. How could you dispute that?

“Fine!” You shouted. “Fine. I’ll just change in here.”

“Don’t raise your voice at me.” He growled. “You’re awfully bold for a spoiled brat.”

“I am not a-“

“When will you stop disagreeing with me?” He laughed. “You know it’s true. I’ve spoiled you so much that you’ve rotted to your core. You weren’t always a brat, but you are now. You like being spoiled don’t you? Being taken care of, being treated like a princess?”

“Your little boyfriend does the same thing doesn’t he?” He snickered. “Spoiled. Brat.”

“You’re just a little girl who needs a man to hold her hand.”

“You’re being mean.” You whispered, your voice breaking.

“The truth is hard to hear isn’t it little doe?” He said, his voice going back to its nonchalant, flat tone.

You couldn’t argue. He’d been right about everything and it’s difficult to argue with someone who throws fact after fact at you like he’s doing. So you took a deep breath and closed your bedroom door.

“Atta girl.” He nodded. “Show me.”

So you did, you turned around and began undressing, you could feel his eyes on you, soaking up the display you were crafting for him.

“Turn around.” His voice alittle quieter, the voice box crackling.

Slowly you complied, swallowing your fear and embarrassment. You kept your eyes closed, it made you feel the slightest bit better, I’m the way a kid would think ‘I can’t see you so you can’t see me’.

“Gorgeous.” He breathed out.

Behind your eyelids you swear you noticed a change in lighting, briefly, but enough to take note of. Your eyes snapped open and saw him holding up his phone.

He’d taken a picture of you.

“Ghost, no! Delete that right now!” You squealed, quickly getting dressed in your fresh pajamas.

“Cool it.” He waved you off. “Just gonna add it to my special folder just for you. See?” He turned his screen toward you and you inched forward.

He wasn’t lying. He scrolled through over one hundred images and videos, some of you in public, some nude, some of you sleeping. All in a folder titled ‘little doe’.

“These are for me.” He said simply. “They’re not going anywhere so don’t worry about that.”

“But these…” he turned the screen back to himself and tapped twice, scrolled and then tapped again before flipping it around.

The images in front of you made you nauseous.

You, spread legs and wet cunt, up close.

You with your hand being held up by Ghost, your fingers buried deeply between your folds.

A short video of your pussy being lovingly stroking by a leather glove. Another of one long digit pumping into you slowly.

A picture of your lips wrapped around his cock.

“S-so you did… you did touch me?” You recoiled.

“No.” He said flatly, before you could protest he laughed.

“You loved it.” He snickered. “Never let you cum. I wanted you to be needy for me.”

“Until… until I saw you.” You whispered.

“Mhm, that’s right.” He nodded. “Took care of your poor swollen pussy properly that time.” He cooed, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

“You’re sick.” You breathed out. “That’s disgusting… you-“

“Call the cops.” He said gesturing to your phone laying on the bed.

“What?”

“You heard me. Call ‘em.” He snorted. “If I’m so sick and disgusting and you’re soooo horrified by my actions; call the cops. I’ll wait right here.”

“Are you gonna send those to Anakin?” Your voice wobbled as you ignored his challenge. You both knew you wouldn’t call.

“Not if you’re good.”

“Are you gonna hurt him?” You asked quietly.

“Now why would I do a thing like that?” He scoffed. “I want you all to myself, but I want you to choose me. I’m not gonna go all Dexter on your boyfriend.”

“You promise?” You sniffled. “Swear it?”

“Pinky swear.” He said confidently, holding out his hand with his little finger raised.

For some reason you took it. You believed him. He hadn’t gotten up and forced you to do anything, he stayed right there the whole time. He had yet to share those pictures with Anakin. A million other twisted reasons you’d started to accept that this was becoming a new normal. A thousand other things that pushed you to believe him.

He’d only bruised your self image with his cold, hard truths about you. That’s not a crime. That’s a reality check.

“Good choice little doe!” You could practically hear the beaming smile on his face behind the plastic mask.

“Now come up here.” He patted the spot next to him. “I don’t like seeing you upset, I’m sorry.”

He was apologizing? He was apologizing.

“You’re sorry?” You repeated in shock.

“Of course I’m sorry. You’re on the verge of tears and I’ve caused it.” He said, holding out his hand palm up for you to take.

“I’m not a monster.”

You hesitated before accepting his hand and climbing into bed beside him. You sat a safe distance from him at first but he lolled his head to the side in what you assumed was a dramatic eye roll and tugged you to his side in a one armed swoop.

The action had you frozen. This was it. He was gonna hurt you. You’d been naive and stupid and he was going to violate you, this time while you were conscious, you’d remember it this time.

“Relax.” He soothed, tucking you comfortably against his side, his bicep behind your head as a pillow and his gloved hand on your side in a way that was almost comforting. “I mean it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” You whispered, what the fuck is happening?

“No, it’s not okay. I could’ve been more gentle with my words.” His opposite hand rubbing his knuckles across your cheek lovingly.

You were quiet for a moment, debating on the course of action you should take. You were in fact very much allowing this to occur. Would it be so horrible to try and enjoy it? He was warm. He smelled nice and familiar, the cologne… you must have a subtle memory of it from all the times he’d been here while you slept. He was comfortable. He was surprisingly kind.

What’s the worst that could happen?

“Before you get comfy.” He spoke quietly, the voice box crackling from his low voice, “you didn’t take your pill.”

“Oh yeah you’re right.” You moved to get up, pink cheeked because once again he proved that you were in fact helpless without him.

“Don’t get up, I have it right here.” He chuckled, reaching over to the nightstand and handing you the pill packet and a thermos. “Tea.”

“Huh.” You stared at him. Gods this was so fucking weird. “Well… wow okay.” You huffed out a laugh and took your medicine with a sip of your tea.

“Tastes different.” You said, handing the packet back to him.

“Mhm. Yeah I poisoned it.” He said nonchalantly, making you almost choked on your second sip.

“You what?” You shrieked, waking up the cat who bolted from his lap.

“Aw look what you did,” he groaned gesturing to the empty space with a few stray cat hairs.

“You- are you serious?” You started to almost hyperventilate. “Should I make myself throw up?”

Why are you asked the man who poisoned you that? Like he’d tell you.

“No, that would be a waste of good tea.” He snorted. “I put cinnamon in it you idiot.”

“What?”

“Cinnamon.” He repeated. “It’s just cinnamon. It was a joke.”

“That’s not fucking funny!” You shouted, smacking his shoulder.

“Ive already told you once.” His hand shot out and grabbed your jaw firmly. “Do not. Raise. Your voice. At me.” He growled.

“I believe you meant to say ‘ha-ha, ghost that was funny. you got me!’” He snickered and released your jaw, soothing you with his hand now gently raking through your hair.

You were stunned. Absolutely shook by his quick turnaround, this should be terrifying. This man can be so gentle one moment and the next he’s speaking to you like he’s ordering you to lay down at the guillotine. It wasn’t terrifying in the right way. Not the type of fear you should be feeling at his unpredictable actions.

You weren’t scared of him at all. But yourself? Yes. Who is this girl? Why is she… why do you like this? It’s scary because you’re not scared. It’s horrifying because you want more. It’s terrifying because you’re morbidly curious about what he’d do if you acted out again.

You shook your head and picked your jaw off the floor, deciding the best course of action was to just tuck yourself back under his arm and watch whatever movie he had paused when you entered the room.

Might as well. You’ve already come this far.

Date

August 14th

When you woke up the next morning Ghost was gone. Your home was devoid of any trace of him, no note, no gift, no messages. Nothing.

He had hardly moved while you sat with him, the only consistent movement was the gentle twist and twirl of one long lock of your hair around his finger. It was repetitive and soothing, just like the calming rise and fall of his chest.

How could he be so calm? So off guard?

You could’ve turned on him at any moment. Ripped off his mask and saw who he was, grabbed your lamp and wacked him with it. Punched him in the nuts and ran.

But, to be fair, he could’ve done the same to you. Yet you stayed there, albeit anxious and on high alert for majority of the time spent with him. Despite the fact that you knew he carried a weapon, even though you were well aware of what he’d been doing to you all this time, even after he’d manhandled your face when you smarted off to him.

It must be a twisted form of mutual trust.

Or you might just be delusional.

Either way, it was wrong and you knew that. You intentionally got naked in front of another man, while he laid on the bed your boyfriend so sweetly makes love to you in. You fell asleep in the arms of this man. Not just *any* other man, the one who has been stalking you relentlessly for months.

You’ve cheated on Anakin. If he knew, it would crush him. It would break apart his big, soft, velveteen heart. Your betrayal would rip a hole right through the middle and slice up the fabric so badly it couldn’t be sewn back up without ending up smaller, weaker, and deformed.

What could you do? Was there anything to do? Telling him to his face… the thought of it soured your stomach so badly you thought you might form an ulcer.

Telling Ghost to fuck off and leave you alone wasn’t an option either. No matter what you did, the precautions you put in place; he would find you. Not only would he find you, but he wouldn’t allow Anakin the privilege of breathing anymore.

You couldn’t tell Luke. He’d lecture you until your ears bled while he dragged you to the nearest police station. Then Luke would be in danger, Anakin would know, and Ghost would still be your problem. And if Luke didn’t believe you, he’d ship you off to the long term care loony bin.

Your sister? Of course you couldn’t tell her either. She has her own family. Ghost already knows where she lives, he’s told you so.

He knows everything about you. Your family tree, your friends list, your schedule, your medical information, banking account, he has complete access to your home, your phone…

You are a canary in a cage and he is a cat pawing at you through the metal bars.

It’s only a matter of time before one of those claws nicks you. A feather or two might come loose, open up a weak spot on your frail body. The next swipe might draw blood, maybe it won’t. Or maybe he’ll be lucky enough to bat you to the bottom of the cage.

It’s hard enough to escape when there’s someone always watching. When there’s a lock on the door. But to attempt to flee with broken wings? You couldn’t hobble your way to safety anyway. Bird cages don’t have doors at the bottom, they’re halfway up. They don’t have horizontal bars. You can’t climb.

You are stuck.

It’s up to you if you want to be trapped there intact, or if you’d rather wallow at the bottom in pain.

——————————————————————————

Maybe you should just break up with Anakin.

Ghost said he wouldn’t hurt him, but how long will that last? How long until he gets tired of waiting? Should you ask Ghost again? Just to make sure? Make him sign a fucking contract?

Maybe it would be best if-

“Sweetheart?” Anakin whispered softly, waving his hand in front of your face. “What’s going on? I’ve been standing here for almost a minute.”

Anakin was here.

“What?” You whispered back, suddenly overwhelmingly aware of your surroundings.

The diner. You were at The Bluebird. You were working. A glance to the clock told you that you’d been here for over two hours, a quick scan of the tables and the counter proved that you hadn’t neglected any customers. Your notepad and pen were in your hand, there was money in the tip jar.

Anakin was here.

“Hey, c’mere.” His voice soft and concerned.

He gently took the pad and pen from your hands, put an arm around your shoulder and held your hand as he led you through the kitchen. Not an uncommon occurrence, Anakin was well known to everyone at the Bluebird due to his frequent visits to see you. He often walked with you out through the kitchen to sit on the curb with you while you took a break and he smoked a cigarette.

“Vigo, I’m taking her out back.” He said quietly, speaking to the dishwasher.

“I was about to call you man.” He spoke back in a hushed voice. “She’s been actin’ like that since she got here.”

“Yeah? Well next time don’t wait to call.” Anakin grumbled, scowling at your coworker.

The heat of the afternoon sun soothed over your skin, making you painfully aware of the cold sweat lacing the back of your neck. You blinked and it felt like it was the first time you’d closed your eyes in hours. Your mouth was dry, your teeth felt cold and your brain might’ve been better described as soup.

Anakin sat down on the curb and pulled you down with him. Placing you sideways between his legs, your arms immediately threw themselves around his neck and you curled up into him.

“Jesus baby.” He whispered, the wind getting knocked out of him at your aggressive tackle.

“An-” You started to sob before you even finished his name.

“W-what’s wrong?” You could feel his heart beat quicken beneath you, hear it pounding in his chest. He was feeling real, true panic.

“Hey, hey talk to me. Breathe.” He tried to soothe you by petting your hair, rocking you gently, kissing your forehead… anything, anything he could think of and nothing was working.

You were sobbing so loudly that Anakin was glad there wasn’t a back parking lot. If someone wanted to see where this horrible wailing was coming from they’d have to walk all the way around back, thankfully most people didn’t care enough to do such a thing.

Unfortunately though, your coworkers did care.

The back door creaked open and you could hardly hear the conversation over your own tears.

“Anakin!” Vigo whisper shouted. “What the fuck did you do to her?”

“What do you mean? I didn’t do this!” His voice angrily gritting through his teeth. “What happened today?”

“Nothin’ man! I dunno!” Vigo squeaked raising up his hands in surrender. “She just clocked in like that, no cryin’ though. She’s hardly said a word.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t call me!” Anakin grunted, “I’m her emergency contact for a reason you idiot.”

“Hey? Don’t get mad at me!” Vigo scoffed. “I figured she was in a funk because of you, why would I call if I thought it was boyfriend troubles?”

“Jesus- did you even ask her?”

“What?”

“Oh my fuckin’-“ Anakin took a breath to regulate himself, one arm firmly holding you while the other was wildly gesturing as he spoke. “Did you ask her what was wrong?”

“No?”

“Are you stupid? God just fuck- go back inside before you end up crying on the ground too.” He snapped at him, huffing as the back door shut behind a quickly retreating Vigo.

“Sorry baby, I’m sorry,” He whispered, petting your head and squeezing you tightly. “I’m sorry, that probably didn’t help did it?”

“N-not really.” You hiccuped out a laugh.

“She speaks.” He gasped, “want me to yell at him some more? I’ll do it just say the word-“

“Anakin-“ you snorted, wiping your eyes and nose on his shirt. “Aw shit sorry.”

“You think I’m worried about alittle snot?” He scoffed, “Sweetheart, I’d lick it out of your nose like a cow if you’d let me. C’mere I’ll prove it.”

He stuck out his tongue and flicked it at you, chasing your face as you squirmed away from him. Despite to horrible ache in your lungs and the scratchy feeling in your throat, Anakin had a way of making everything better. Even if it was accomplished by making a fool of himself.

You laughed in spite of trying to catch your breath, fighting those awkward stalled inhales with a the goofy little giggle only he could force out of you. He relented finally when you gave up struggling, opting for a kiss on the tip of your nose rather than his tongue up your nostril.

“Wanna talk to me now?” He asked quietly, his playful attitude tucked away and replaced with seriousness.

“I don’t know Ani.” You sighed, feeling horribly conflicted. “I just want to go home.”

“Then I’ll take you home.” He said, not leaving room for argument. “But I’m not letting you get up until you tell me what’s going on.”

“Please? Please I don’t wanna talk about it.” Your eyes already filling back up with tears.

“It’s nothing really! It’s okay.” You pleaded with him, “I’m just… I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff and it’s all overwhelming.”

“That’s not okay, don’t say it’s okay. You just wailed like a banshee.” He said sternly. “Talk, let me help.”

“I just feel like I’m losing my mind.” You scoffed, “Im going nuts. I don’t… I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain it without you thinking I’m insane.”

“Princess.” He said, his voice cracking with pain. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

“W-what if hypothetically…” you whispered. “It’s only hypothetical okay?”

“Okay. Imaginary scenario, let’s hear it.” He nodded solemnly.

“Hypothetically, if I was having… nightmares of someone being in my house. What would you say.” You whispered.

“Hypothetical nightmares?” He asked, one eyebrow raised. “Well… I’d suggest that maybe you… go to therapy? See if you can find the root of the problem.”

Therapy? To find the root of the problem? That would work if you didn’t already know where to find the problem: in your apartment at any given moment. Hell, he was probably there right now.

“Are you having these dreams because of that night at the bar?” He asked softly, tucking loose hairs behind your ear. “You know we didn’t see anyone put anything in your drink. No one left at the same time as you but your friends.”

“Now like I said before, just because we didn’t see it on camera… it doesn’t mean that no one slipped something in your drink. Stuff like that unfortunately happens all the time.” He sighed.

“I know.” You nodded, your eyes wet and sad, you knew you weren’t drugged there. You were drugged in the security of your own home. “I know, I think maybe I was just alittle more tipsy than I thought I don’t-“

“Hey, no… it’s okay.” He soothed you. “I believe you.”

“But there was no one who followed you home from the bar. I can say that with 100% certainty okay?” He said sternly.

“Ani but-“

“Look at me.” He said sharply, his voice turning soft again immediately after. “No one followed you home. I watched that video a hundred times over from every angle possible. No one else left the bar until about 17 minutes after you and your friends left.”

“Now don’t get upset baby okay? Listen I know, I know that it scared you shitless.” He said in a pained way, his face not quite matching his tone of voice like he was having a hard time trying to decide how to respond.

“Which is perfectly valid. It’s totally okay to be terrified if you saw something like that.” He soothed you, squeezing your upper arms. “I’m not saying it didn’t happen, I would never say that. If you say that you saw something, I believe you.”

“But, just because you saw it… doesn’t mean that it was truly there. Those kind of drugs can really fuck with your head baby.” He said gently.

“I know.” You sniffled, wiping your eyes and hiding against his chest again.

Gods… this man. He really was one of a kind, not just any man or person in general for that matter, would respond so well to such a strange temporary delusion. Your past boyfriends would’ve run for the hills. But not Anakin. It was clear he wasn’t deterred easily, he was your personal emotional support pet leech.

It was strange, feeling so comfortable like this with someone you hadn’t known for very long. After this conversation you thought maybe it would be okay to tell Anakin the truth about it all. He’d handle it perfectly well wouldn’t he?

But, you can’t risk putting him in harms way. You wouldn’t know if Anakin would be safe without first speaking to Ghost. If Anakin was your pet leech… Ghost was the the neighborhood street dog who’d decided your porch was the safest place to sleep. Who would be heartless enough to kick the poor thing out without a proper meal first?

That’s the problem with strays. Give them a scrap and they’ll love you for life.

Diary Entry: August 14th

Jesus baby I’m sorry. I thought things went well last night, I didn’t mean to make you so upset. I really didn’t. I guess you weren’t ready to see Ghost after all.

That’s my fault, I apologize. I should have known better.

It’s just… you seemed kind of excited for it you know? I thought we had a good time. Was the stripping down in front of me what freaked you out so much? Or seeing the pictures? I shouldn’t have done that. I really shouldn’t have, that was too far, too fast.

I see now that I made a mistake and I plan to rectify it as soon as possible. I’m going to give you a choice, one that I really don’t want to give you. But I will for the sake of your sanity.

I’ve been selfish for too long.

I’ve not truly considered your feelings on the situation, I’ve taken your response at face value and never attempted to dig farther than that. It won’t happen again I can assure you of that. Ghost will still be Ghost, but perhaps just a bit more considerate of your opinions and boundaries.

You must understand though, it’s hard to deal with this for me too. I know it’s not fair to compare our separate sides of the situation like this, but it’s true. It’s painful to watch you get so upset over something I’ve done, knowing I can’t really resolve the issue. I don’t know how to help, or fix this.

I’ve dug myself into a hole. A Pit if you will.

How could you ever forgive me now? After all this time that I have been so stupidly self-centered… I imagine it would be unlikely that you could find it in your immensely kind soul to forgive and forget my transgressions.

Maybe not though? I do see you as a godly entity, my own personal deity. If I leave enough at the altar, bow at your feet for long enough, serve you unconditionally… maybe then you would see that I have discovered the error of my ways. You could see that I am truthful in my pursuit of repentance.

Date

August 15th

Anakin drove to the opposite side of the city to purchase your apology gifts from Ghost. He knew well enough that Luke never had a set schedule, Han was always at the gym and you were at book club. There was limited space in time and even smaller proximity of location for him to safely collect the supplies he needed.

If someone saw him buying a dozen red roses and told you about it without his knowledge… well there goes Ghost. It’d be real hard to explain that away.

So he went to the florist, chose the most beautiful bouquet he could find and tucked it away in a large brown bag with tissue paper over the top so he wouldn’t accidentally bruise the petals.

He strolled down the side walk to another small mom and pop store, just to browse through stationary and cards. Ghost needs to be alittle more classy in his opinion. Maybe if his notes are on nice paper and written in plain black ink… that could ease the discomfort of it. It’s probably not super welcoming to find a ripped scrap of paper with red ink scrawled on it now that he’s come to think of it.

It was amusing to him before, but after your display of emotion, he’s feeling guilty. Very, very guilty. There was no reason to go the extra mile on stupid little things like that.

So, pretty grey paper and matching envelopes join the bouquet.

Now he just has to find something else. It can’t be chocolate or something generic. It has to be something meaningful. Something thoughtful to solidify the sentiment behind his offer for you. Something that will push you to make the right decision.

——————————————————————————

Anakin walked into your apartment, and went straight to your bedroom, it was time for Ghost to set up his apology present.

The big red bouquet was carefully placed in the center of your bed along with the pretty stationary propped against it. Your name carefully and neatly written in **black ink** on the envelope.

Your other gift, had turned into two. A small black box accompanying a short and squat black gift bag with grey tissue paper.

He was proud of his staged display, so proud that he couldn’t wait for you to see it. He was itching for you to get home, he needed to know what you’d choose. He was dying to see your pretty face light up with joy at his thoughtfulness.

So against his better judgement, he snapped a picture of himself standing at your bedside. The photo taken from a high angle to capture just the corner of your red rose bouquet, with himself taking up majority of the frame. His mask tilted to the side and his free hand held up a gloved peace sign.

He’d wait to send it.

He wanted to see your face when the message came through.

Anakin was prepared to be patient, but he didn’t have to be patient for long. He got the notification that there was movement out front of the building, he pulled up the live feed from the stairwell camera on his laptop and excitedly jolted up out of his seat before sitting back down quickly to scoot his seat back up to the table.

He rubbed his hands together and practically combusted from the inside when he confirmed it was you. His fingers moved quickly to send the text message and just as he thought you would, you paused and pulled your phone from your hoodie pocket.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, a bit of panic and maybe a bit of excitement. But mostly, Anakin was saddened to see fear. You were scared, but so brave as he watched you sprint up the steps. He shook his head and let out a deep breath, pulling up the split screen of all the cameras in your home.

You burst through the front door and slammed it shut, tossing your bag aside. Anakin turned up the volume just a bit and immediately realized that was a mistake because you yelled directly underneath the kitchen camera. The audio crackled as you shouted out for Ghost, Anakin realized then that you must think he’s still inside your home.

‘Just missed me.’ He texted quickly, watching you check your phone quickly and let out a sigh of relief as you muttered under your breath.

He thought you might text back, but why would you when you knew he was watching at that very moment?

“Hey!” You said, spinning in place, your eyes darting around to scan the room. “Where did you go? I didn’t see you!”

You rushed over to the living room window and down to the alley below, then up the fire escape, your gaze traveling over to the next building’s roof.

‘You won’t see me unless I want you to.’ He texted back.

“Jesus.” You muttered, rubbing your wrist anxiously. “I guess you want me to go to my room huh?”

‘Yes please.’

“Fine.” You sighed, kicking off your shoes as you walked over to the bedroom door, flinging it open quickly just incase he was still hiding out.

Your eyes drew to the center of your bed, the roses, the bag and box, the envelope. If the situation weren’t so strange you might consider this a romantic gesture. But it’s not, it’s not romantic and you shouldn’t want to open the gifts and sniff the pretty, sweet smelling flowers. You should want to call the police and have them haul the shit off for evidence.

“What’s all this for?” You asked alittle quieter than before, holding up your phone to read the text as it came through almost instantly as you knew that it would.

‘Letter.’

“Letter? That’s all?” You scoffed, “you did all this for a letter?”

‘It’s important.’ The response came quickly, followed by a second in rapid succession. ‘Gifts first.’

“Okay… alright. Gifts first.” You sighed, pulling your hand back from where it was inches away from the grey envelope.

The small box seemed like a good first thing to open, easy enough to snap shut if you didn’t like what you saw inside. Tentatively shifting the lid back and forth you wiggled it free and lifted the small square of padding to reveal a very nice, very ornate, obviously hand crafted hair-pin with a silver rod for the pin.

You gingerly lifted it from the box and held it in your hand to examine it, walking over to the window to open the curtains and see it more clearly. Smooth, black ceramic, gorgeously curved and curled silver fittings. But the most intriguing, the most breathtaking part of it, was the delicate lines and the daintily carved cameo in the center of the ceramic oval.

A woman standing under a willow, with a fawn at her feet.

You wanted to hate it, but how could you hate something so beautiful? How could you pretend to be unappreciative of something that clearly took time and effort to find, it wasn’t just vintage, it was antique. The fact that he’d searched for and seized the jewelry was a feat in itself.

You gingerly laid it back in its box, almost too afraid to hold it. Afraid of its fragility, afraid of what it stood for, how it made you feel. The tiny claws of emotion ripping at your throat stole your voice, you could only hope that Ghost couldn’t see your face from where you were standing or he would clearly see what he’d stirred up inside you.

You picked up the small bag and lifted the tissue paper gently, hoping it wasn’t another emotionally draining surprise.

It wasn’t draining, but it sure as hell was a surprise.

“What’s this?” You snorted, turning the bag over and dumping out a few cat toys.

You waited, checking your phone periodically but got no response. You knew he was still watching, so why wasn’t he answering? Sighing you shook your head and opted to take a look at the toys.

A felt kicker toy shaped as a bloody knife. A couple of fluffy spiders, eyeballs with bells inside, and a little vampire bat that was almost too cute to be a cat toy.

“Thanks.” You said quietly.

It was infuriating how well he knew you, he knew how to crawl into your brain and make you want more. How could you not when he did things like this? Thoughtful, well planned gifts, including your pet too. He knew that your cat was your baby and he’d taken the time to befriend her, cared about her enough to buy her things.

It made it all the more irritating that his choice of toys was just alittle funny. But you’d die before you admit that seeing the knife made you crack a grin.

Finally you decided it was time to open the envelope, as soon as you did, you understood why he’d asked you to open the gifts first.

LETTER

Little Doe,

I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. The hurt I saw, the words heard… I felt it in my soul when I watched you crumble.

My purpose is to love you, my job is to keep you safe, my goal is to make you happy. I’m only doing one of those things, it’s selfish of me to love you the way that I do. I know that.

What I’ve done is wrong, I’m aware. I can’t justify or explain it to you. Just know that the long and short of it is love, it’s not a normal love, but it’s mine and I’m giving it all to you.

There’s no way you’d understand the lengths I’d go to, the things I would do for you. You’d never comprehend how deeply I adore you. That’s okay. It’s hard for me to understand myself too.

The hairpin, it’s the goddess of the hunt and her fawn. I thought considering it all, it would be more than suitable for our situation.

You’re a saint, a deity, someone worth the labors of worship.

Goddesses aren’t meant to be touched, held, loved corporally. They’re meant to be imagined, a comforting presence that you feel all around you, bowed to in hopes of receiving grace. I’ve tried to go beyond the altar to reach you and for that I’m truly sorry.

Please, please take my offerings.

I love you, I need you, but I don’t deserve you. No one deserves attention from the heavens, especially not me. But if you are listening, if you’re willing, I’ll try my best to be the perfect follower.

So I’ll ask for a boon from my goddess:

Grant me passage on the road to repentance, or take my hand to walk through the valley.

You sat on your bed in silence for a long while, your cat coming to join you and accept the gifts left for her excitedly. It brought you a moment of peace to watch her waller around and smack the eyeballs across the floor.

So the overwhelming weight of the thin grey sheet of paper in your hand felt even heavier when she scampered off with her brand new bag toy hanging from her mouth like a fresh kill. She’d left you alone and undistracted again. Just you, your thoughts, and the suffocating silence surrounding you, the creeping tingle on your neck that told you he was still watching the cameras.

He was waiting.

So you sighed and crawled off the bed with your bouquet in tow, cutting the stems into the kitchen trash can and filling a glass vase with water to display them on the counter.

The grey paper followed you from room to room, seat to seat, from one hand to the other as you read it over and over. You could recite it by memory, it was burned into your retinas, you could still feel the indents of his pen on the paper long after you’d sat it aside, the smell of the paper dye singed your nostrils and didn’t leave even after your shower.

You thought you could clean yourself, wash your hands of the problem both literally and metaphorically.

No amount of scrubbing could rinse your brain well enough to wash away the thousands of jumbled words swirling around. You’d been trying to formulate one, just one, coherent sentence for a response. But each time you made progress, you changed your mind on the decision, you scrapped the idea, sent it to the shredder and recycled it into a slightly different, just as illegible mess.

He’s giving you an out. Take it.

Who cares if he still watches you? He won’t interfere. He won’t show up for visits, he won’t leave you gifts or notes.

He’d left you with an offering. A little piece of himself in exchange for your so called ‘divine intervention’. He was asking for the hand of god to stir the pot and serve it too. At least, that’s how he saw it.

For you it was just an awkward toss up of a bunch of jumbled pros and cons.

On one hand he was offering you freedom. Opening the bird cage and giving you the option to escape but clipping your wings, ensuring you can’t go too far.

He’d still watch, just not make an appearance… keep himself hidden like before.

This would also solidify Anakin’s safety, which you valued highly. You’d be free to have your beautiful blossoming relationship, without the worry and stress from the Ghost that haunts your apartment.

On the other hand he gave you the choice to join him in some capacity. To walk through the valley with him; would he walk two steps behind? Two in front? Or side-by-side?

It’d give you the opportunity to explore this stranger you’ve discovered living inside your mind and body. That weird itch that only Ghost can scratch, the thought of him alone just doesn’t do it for you anymore.

You’d have the chance to see who is under that mask and that was more intriguing than anything. You felt like the more you spoke to him, the more you watched him in person… maybe you’d be able to narrow it down to a few people. That might be worth the risks that come with allowing him to continue visiting.

So, you swallowed your fear and closed your eyes. A few silent moments later you spoke aloud, assuming Ghost was still listening.

“I’ll walk with you.” You said slowly, tasting the words as they left your lips. “On two conditions.”

‘What are they, deer?’ His response came instantaneously.

“You leave my friends and family alone. You swear on your life they’re safe and that includes Anakin. I mean it, I’m not fucking around about it okay?” You said confidently. “I already feel guilty enough, don’t make it worse for me.”

‘Guilty?’

“Yes guilty! I have a boyfriend, who I really, really like.” You said, feeling exhausted from the complexity of your choice. “This isn’t fair to him!”

“But it’s… it’s not fair to me either!” You said frustratedly as you blew out a long breath of air through pursed lips. “I deserve to know who you are! You’ve been watching me for god knows how long and I haven’t even heard your real voice.”

“And… and it’s not fair for you either.” You admitted quietly.

‘Why?’

“You’ve been… mostly harmless. Kind.” You confessed, considering saying more, much more. “You’ve been helpful. Despite everything you’ve done, you obviously care about me. I can’t ignore that especially now.”

‘Mostly harmless??’

‘Why ‘especially’ now?’

“You’re joking right?” You snorted in disbelief, shaking your head and trying to stifle a laugh of indignation. “You… well I mean it feels wrong to call it what it is. But- you.. you know what you did!” You crossed your arms frustratedly.

‘Ah… the extracurriculars.’

“Sure if that’s what you want to call it.” An expression of, strangely enough, amusement, crossed over your features. “What it is… well you know what it is.” You sighed.

“But for some reason… I don’t want to call it that.” You said quietly.

‘Hm. I’ll remember that.’

“I’m sure you will.” You huffed in spite of yourself, because if you were honest you’d be telling him you liked it. Your body liked it, your brain liked it, asleep or not, he’d affected you in ways you were unsure you could get with anyone else. Including your sweet and precious boyfriend, he’s too tender and loving.

“Second condition: you promise me that you’ll eventually tell me who you are.” You said firmly. “I deserve to know.”

‘I accept.’

“Okay then.” You sighed with relief and a bit of resignation. “You still have to warn me if you’re gonna be coming to visit though!”

‘Yes ma’am.’

“Ew. Add that to the list. Never call me ma’am again.” You snorted and it rolled into a full laugh when you finally looked up and caught your own gaze in your bedroom mirror. You were sitting in your room alone, speaking aloud, having a fully fleshed, seemingly one-sided conversation.

If anyone were to walk in on this scene playing out, they’d think you’ve lost your mind.

Maybe you already have.

The pendant that inspired the hairpin! I forgot to add it in sorryyyyyy

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THE TAGS LIST IS FULL! But if you want to be tagged I will comment ur username for you. Love you all so many.

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r3starttt · 3 months

Text

Ditto

a/n: part two of don’t delete the kisses! this whole story is based on me atp 🙁 I love new jeans and the song felt right so…

Prt.1 | Prt.3 | Prt.4

Warnings: mentions of suicide. very cliche and cheesy. fluff.

“I got nothing to lose. Stay in the middle. I like you a little”

If pain must come, may it come quickly.

Because I have a life to live, and I need

to live it in the best way possible.

If she has to make a choice, may she

make it now. Then I will either

wait for her or forget her.

You’d died some years ago, one day after your birthday to be specific. You’d left your family, friends and girlfriend with no previous warning, so suddenly that everyone that knew you broke into so many pieces when receiving the news.

Everyone felt so off, so confused. How could you be laughing with everyone just some hours before simply stop existing? Why didn’t you ask for help? How long had you planned the whole thing? How did all of this even work?

It was no surprise to anyone that you weren’t the most healthiest girl, but how did nobody ever notice that you weren’t good that day?

Your parents couldn’t stop blaming themselves, the rest of your family could not stop crying for months after you left, your friends couldn’t deal with school knowing you wouldn’t be there and your girlfriend, she felt so sick. She felt like maybe she should also try, just to be with you. She felt physically weak at your lost.

And if it wasn’t for the letters you left before doing what you did, if it wasn’t for your parents and their love for you, if it wasn’t for your girlfriend and the respect she’d always had for you. She would’ve probably done it.

“Mom, dad. I love you both with my entire heart. Words cannot describe it.

And I’m so sorry I left.

I have one las thing to ask you, please take care of Ellie.

Please be nice with my friends and take care of them like I did.

Please support on Ellie and let her support on you.

Please forgive me. I promise we’ll meet again.

Tons of love, your daughter.”

Those were the last phrases written on the letters you’d left for your parents. You’d planned everything for so long. And yes it sucked that you left but for you it was the best. You died so peacefully and made sure everyone knew.

You made sure everyone would move on.

And so they did.

And so you did.

You were born again. This time it was a pretty normal life, just you and your mom, some friends from school and that was it. But the more you grew up the more things started to get more complicated.

You’d had the most beautiful dreams about a freckled girl whose name was El, she had the most pretty smile you’d ever seen. And those dreams were so continuous, you’d have them every day. There were many pieces left but the general context was there, and honestly you felt like it wasn’t necessary, it all felt just too familiar.

You’d find out that El was actually Ellie, she loved dogs until one bit her and she never ever wanted to get a pet, until you got cats so she begged her dad to get her one. Everyone called you Mel so you just assumed that was your name. And Ellie was definitely your best friend.

But those dreams became nightmares, or at least that’s the feeling you got whenever you woke up. Ellie was always there, but you felt sad, you felt empty and annoyed all the time. And it felt so real.

You’d cry in your sleep and your mom would always come to your room to wake you up, but you never explained to her what was it. You had the feeling you shouldn’t tell her.

And it all made sense the moment you turned eleven. They weren’t dreams or nightmares, just your past life. And it made you feel sick because of everything that had happened.

It wasn’t your only memory, not even your only life. But that’s the one that came first to your mind.

And how could you just ignore it all when it felt incomplete? When you still remembered every detail of it and when you remembered all the promises you made to Ellie but couldn’t accomplish?

You had the same taste as her, same interests too, so your plan was to get to college with her, graduate together and then travel around the world together. Become rich together, have lots of cats and if you’d convince her, make a family.

But the heart is way more powerful than the mind, and it all stayed like that, like a dream some teens in love made one day.

From that age on your life had changed completely. Good grades without trying, thanks to all the previous knowledge, smarter than the rest of your classmates and more mature of course.

You did anything to search for Ellie, to understand why was she so important. Turns out she was the privileged one in this life, or that’s what it looked like since she’d go to the most prestigious schools. Roles this time were kinda inverted, or maybe it was just a coincidence.

There was nothing you could do to find her, at least not at that age. She lived far from you and attended to schools you could never afford.

So the only thing you could do was live your life as a normal person, grow up and find a way to get close to her.

And that’s what you did. You forgot she existed during most college, you were stresses and doing homework or studying all the time. Working on projects, doing exams.

You just didn’t had time to think on anything else. But it was worth it because that allowed you to get your dream job, and eventually your dream life.

“God, baby, I’m gonna miss you so much” your mom opened her arms, waiting for you to hug her. You practically run to her, she smelled so good, and she was always warm, how comfortable, how comforting “you’re sure you don’t want my help with building stuff?” right, you’d just moved to a not so small apartment.

“I promise mom, I’ll find a way to make it work” she kissed your forehead gently, laughing at the lipstick mark left on it “I’ll clean it, don’t worry” you stopped her hands before she’d try to clean it with her saliva “I hope you learn to value your mother once you see how hard it’s to be an adult”

“Oh stop the drama! you know I love you” now you were the one hugging her, tightly as if it was the last time you’d do it “Call me if you need anything, you know time never matters Mhm?” you nodded.

The moment your mom left and you closed the door you took a deep breath, because maybe you should’ve said yes.

There were at least 10 boxes displayed in the whole apartment. You didn’t even know what it was. The bed was already there, so was the couch and a huge tv, what else did you need and why had you bought so many things for the apartment?

“Fuck me”

You had a big body yes, but not strong at all. And yes you were smart, but not enough to understand the fucking instructions that came with everything you had to build for probably the next whole week.

It was late at night already, probably around 10pm, and so far you’d only managed to build your desk. You were currently sitting on the cold wooden floor as you ate some shitty ramen you’d bought thinking it would taste amazing. It didn’t and was stupidly spicy.

Your fingers were moving all over your phone, scrolling trough Pinterest and then trough Instagram and changing the same two apps over and over again until you finished eating.

All your lights were off but the light coming from the outside thanks to the huge windows was more than enough to illuminate the whole place. There was a small balcony right in front of the windows so you went outside, taking advantage of every place of the building since it costs almost too much for what it offers.

So you stay outside, resting your arms on the railing as you kept on scrolling through the same apps, looking for more inspiration for the apartment. Until you realize what you’d have to deal for the rest of your stance there.

A guitar being played coming from the apartment right next to yours. You sigh in annoyance because whoever is playing is not even good at it an you’ll probably have to listen to the same song until they learn how to play it.

“She wanted a band…” Ellie, your girlfriend, your best friend, the girl you broke her heart once, she wanted to become a singer, until you, her best friend, the girl she liked so much, told her how much she sucked at it. So stubbornly she quit and told everyone how it was your fault.

A sigh escaped out of your mouth, was it worth the try? would Ellie even fall for you again? was she even single? was she even your Ellie?

You’re so stupid.

The loud buzzing accompanied with a not so relaxing song wakes you up. 8 am in the morning, too early for a day of doing nothing-well, making your apartment look pretty.

You turn off the alarm and stare at the ceiling in pure silence for probably the next ten minutes.

It has been a week since you’d arrived the building. At this point you were already getting used to someone playing the guitar at night, you’d even go outside to hear the progress.

Back to today’s day. It all goes as what has become your new normal. You’d had the most non healthy breakfast and then you’d start to put together a new piece of furniture.

Today it was the last day of it actually, the only thing left was a small shelf that wouldn’t take much time.

And that could only mean one thing, today was the day you had to finally take out all the thrash.

So once you finished you lazily walked trough the whole apartment. Picking and folding boxes, and panicking over the exaggerated amount of plastic that came with the wrapping of all the furniture you’d bought.

You put all together so you didn’t had to go in and out of the building more than once and went outside your apartment, walking towards the elevator and sighing in pure relief because it was thankfully empty.

But things can’t be perfect because the moment you placed everything on the floor to throw them separately in the huge trash containers in front of you, the plastic started to fly away due to the weather.

Fucking unnecessary air.

Before you actually panicked a hand grabbed the huge piece of bubbly plastic, extending her arm back to you “need any help?”

Blessed necessary air.

Maybe your face looked as shocked as you felt because the very gorgeous Ellie standing in front of you tilted her head slightly, probably confused.

“Uhh yeah, thanks” you noticed how she had a tattoo on her right arm, she was wearing a pair of black jeans, some dirty converse and a white tank top under a baby blue plaid shirt-Were you staring too much?

“You just moved in?” she put the plastic under her arms and threw a small plastic bag on one of the containers “Mhm, a week ago” she nodded, awkwardly “I thought I was loud”

“Not at all, well, it’s probably the apartments, they’re kinda sound proof or something” you placed the last box on the container, meeting her eyes. They’re just as pretty as you remember.

“Really? I’ve been hearing this guitar all week at night, I don’t think they’re good if that’s the case” your two walked towards the building again, a small awkward smile forming on her face.

“Yeah…. that’s me, I thought no one could hear me. Sorry”

That changes all, suddenly the guitar is not annoying at all, in fact, you’re waiting for listening to it every night.

“Don’t worry it’s fine just… never mind” and then there was pure silence between the two of you as you walked inside the building.

“I promise I won’t be so loud” she was playing with her fingers “It’s fine, really. Im used to it by now” there were som loosen hair strands covering her face, she was looking down, probably ashamed “It’s the only free time I have to practice, I’ll try to to it earlier”

The elevator opened, she extended her arm so you would go inside first

“Its your house, feel free to do whatever you want, it doesn’t bother me el”

Fuck

“You know my name?” she panicked, maybe it was someone she knew but didn’t remembered?

“Mhm?” Play dumb, it always work

“You said el, did I hear wrong?”

“Yeah, probably” you clicked to the floor where you both lived at, turning your head towards her “Is that your name then?”

“No, actually, it’s Ellie. Ellie Williams” she extended her hand to you, she’s so cute, you thought. You did the same, shaking hands as you told her your name.

“Is it okay if I call you El then?” please say yes “yeah, I don’t mind it”

The moment you got in your apartment you wanted to scream. She was even prettier than what you remembered.

Your head kept on repeating the small conversation you just had with her, over and over again.

You decided to go to her apartment next day. being new in the building has its advantages, like casually gift her some food to maybe apologize for how loud you’d been even though you weren’t, or to thank her for being such a nice neighbor today, or any reason that gives you the chance to see her again.

There it is, Ellie’s guitar, at its usual hour.

You had just finished cleaning all the dishes you used for dinner. Fucking adult life. And were laying on the couch, scrolling trough social media.

Until you hear her of course.

Discretely you stood up from the couch, walking with your bare foot to the big cristal door that leaded to the balcony and getting outside, just like you did when you just arrived.

Hands resting on the cold railing, head resting on your wrists and Ellie’s guitar playing right next to you. This time one of the windows were open, she’d done it on purpose, didn’t she felt ashamed for being so loud- or maybe you’re exaggerating every interaction with her and overthinking everything that’s related to her.

The doorbell rings three times. 10 am. Too early.

A loud groan escapes from her mouth and she covers herself with her gray hoodie. She freezes the moment she steps out of bed because there’s only a pair of sorts covering her legs. Who the fuck is looking for her?

Maybe it was a bad idea to stay later at night playing the guitar for the pretty girl living next to her. She’s freezing, sleepy and exaggerated tired.

Or maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.

“Oh…. did I wake you up? I’m so sorry” because there you are, standing right outside her door “Do I look so bad?” she chuckled, rubbing her eyes “I’m really sorry I just…. I wanted to thank you for yesterday and also apologize in case I was loud”

You extended your hand to her, giving her a small plastic bag with some food in it “I’m going out later, sorry for being here so early-“ she took the bag from your hands, finally looking back at you “it’s fine, you didn’t had to, really”

Would it be okay If she asked for your number? Would it be okay if you asked for her number?

“I was wondering If I could get your number too? just in case…”

You weren’t even finishing your sentence when she was already grabbing her phone

Maybe it was gonna be easier than you thought.

Week 7 of living here. It was indeed easier than you thought.

However there still was this thing bothering you. What should you actually do?

Yes you’ve met her casually and yes the bond with her was forming naturally. But what’s with your past life thoughts?

Because those “dreams” and “nightmares” had came back. And it was painful, because you regretted the decision you’ve made, almost every day. And it felt wrong to feel guilt, but how could you not?

And all these thoughts were eating you alive because what if you loose her again, what if she looses you again? Could you maybe talk with her about this? Or maybe-

“You good?” a cup of tea is placed in front of you. she sits right next to you, placing her legs on top of the chair. you nod.

“You zone out a lot” her lips curve upwards, making her dorky smirk appear. you smile back “There’s always thoughts on my mind, sorry”

“I wanted to ask you something…. don’t laugh alright?” “Don’t act so shy then” she rolled her eyes

You took a sip from the tea she had just made, staring at her face and trying to read the expression on it. She wouldn’t say anything.

“You can totally say no and I’ll act like nothing happened but uhm… would you maybe like to…. I don’t know, go out or something?

“As in a date or as in friends?” of course you knew what she meant, you couldn’t confusing the laughter “Yeah el, I’d like to go out with you” she smiled, moving her hands around her neck. She was probably burning inside from the shame.

“Is this how you always act around girls?”

“I always get asked first”

“Oh sorry miss hot, sorry for wanting to be asked first too”

“So you wanted to…. Why didn’t you ask?”

Her hands practically slapped her face, she’s so dramatic.

“I don’t understand how didn’t notice. I couldn’t stop looking at your tattoo when we met”

“I just thought you liked it”

“I also stared at your lips”

Silence. Just the sound of you sipping the tea, purposely loud.

“Stop it”

The date had basically been going out to every place near the building.

Walking trough a small park as you ate ice cream, shopping together at many thrifting stores and finding out you’re both so different yet with the same taste.

Both changing the conversation topic whenever a cute dog or cat passed by. Talking about pets, she sharing with you how she feared dogs when she was younger because one day a dog bit her, you feeling your heart almost exploding because it reminded you of the old Ellie.

Lots of small fights over who’d pay for the food and eventually letting her pay for you. Ellie wanting to hold you but being to shy to do it until you decided to grab her hands and then she wouldn’t let you go.

“Tell me more about your childhood, how was it to be born rich?” hopefully it wasn’t as depressing as you’d experienced it on your past life.

You were holding hands, walking back to your apartment. It was night already, not too late though.

“Great actually, I didn’t had to put much effort growing up. School was a pain in the ass thought, my parents would pay me classes to study after school and when they knew what I wanted to study in college they almost fainted, they practically told me I wasn’t that smart” a chuckle came out of her mouth “But they were always there for me. I didn’t have many friends though, I’ve always been very shy and introverted. What about you?”

You were too focused on how pretty she looked. She noticed and just smiled at you.

Was it the right time to kiss you?

“My life’s normal, I only have my mom and I’ve never connected with people so I just had some school friends growing up, nothing too deep. I was smarter than the rest of my class so I could skip some school years”

“I thought you were my age” her lips pouted in confusion “so you asked me out without being sure of my age? What if I’m five years younger than you?”

“You were the one to accept” she let go of your hand, holding her arms on the air acting innocence “I’m just two years younger, don’t worry you’re not doing anything ilegal”

Your arm extended, holding her hand again. Both of you gettin inside the building and then walking to the elevator.

Maybe now it was the right time to kiss you?

Her lips pressed on yours. Both of you closed your eyes, you could feel the grip on your hand tightening softly.

Your bodies felt like they were made for each other. The way her hands were the perfect size for yours, the way her fingers intertwined with yours, the way her mouth touched yours so delicately and so perfect.

The way your hands were the perfect size to fit on the back of her neck. The way her hands were the perfect size to fit your cheeks.The way your noses touched trough the kiss.

How beautifully your hearts had the same beat. How your breathing was as steady as hers.

It was a weird feeling that both or your bodies experienced as soon as you kissed. So familiar, so warm, so comforting. A deep form of love that could be experienced all over the body. A love that felt so safe and addictive.

And you two were craving for more.

Ding

The elevator opened, making the both of you break the kiss, which didn’t even last much, but it felt eternal, it felt like the right thing on the right moment.

The way your bodies and faces changed after it spoke more than words could ever. She couldn’t stop staring at you, and you weren’t precisely trying to avoid her so you did the same.

The dizziness that the elevator itself cause on the body combined with the way you two felt was almost too much to take. It felt so overwhelming, and finally it was in a good way for your body.

To you it just felt like peace, like you’ve done the right thing. No more regret or remorse, no more fear or anxiety.

To her it felt like this was meant to happen, like a deja vu that came out of nowhere but was meant to appear. Like if this had a deeper meaning behind it and she had to discover what it was. Like all of this had a deeper purpose for her and her life.

Soulmates, she thought. But it couldn’t be, she didn’t believe in that.

Ding

The elevator opened again

“Do you mind staying with me?” you finally stop holding hands with her, just to look for your keys. But before you could get your hand in the pocket of your jeans she stopped you “Stay at mine, I wanna show you something” a dumb smile appeared on your face.

It wasn’t the first time you’d go to her apartment but you’ve never seen it properly, you’ve never been there at night either.

You had arrive to the building probably about three hours ago. It was currently 12 am, Friday.

You were on her balcony as she played the guitar. She only knew a couple of songs and wanted to show to you how she didn’t suck as much as you thought she did.

And you gladly accepted. You had the perfect view of her tattoo on full display as she played the guitar, you could hear her pretty voice as she sang and the light coming from the other buildings was just perfect.

Ellie on the other hand, she could see your pretty eyes shining at her sight, she could see the way your hair fit you just perfectly on your body. How there’s some strings of hair tucked behind your ears. How pretty you smile is as she sings.

And it might be exaggerated but she feels like you’re the one. Like you didn’t just move to this building for no reason, like she didn’t decided to take the trash out that day so randomly for no reason, like you didn’t just appeared in her life for no reason.

You couldn’t just be a small romance on her life and then leave. This couldn’t be temporary.

You made her feel so familiar, like she had known you for years. She decided to believe in destiny, she believed that maybe you two were just meant to find each other, like this was meant to be. And you were just fine with it.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” your voice came out low, almost like a whisper. Her head moved towards you, she hummed thinking about her answer “Or…. reincarnation”

That word made her feel shivers all over her body. An image showed on her head for just the blink of an eye, almost too fast to even notice.

She was laying on the bed with someone else besides her, same question being asked. It changed her response.

“Maybe” unconsciously she but her bottom lip, just staring at you “do you?” she saw you nod. Your eyes were looking straight to hers, and for the first time on her life she didn’t felt like looking away. She felt unexplainably comfortable with you.

“Don’t mind me being so weird but…. I already know you” she just laughed “I’m sure we’ve met before, somewhere else at a different time”

“Maybe it wasn’t the right place, or the right moment” so she agreed? “I feel the same but I don’t think I’ve seen you before though” would it be okay if you tell her the truth? Would she believe it?

“Why you think that is?” and unconscious sigh escaped your mouth “What?” “Everything” she chuckled, lowering the guitar to the floor.

“Maybe destiny wanted something different, but love always wins right?” no, it doesn’t “And maybe we ate too much and it’s too late so we’re wandering” she stood up, white socks stepping on the floor as she walked inside. She stood on the frame of the door, waiting for you to get in.

“Wanna watch a movie?” She closed the door and placed her guitar on a wall, her place somehow was so tidy.

It had a lot of things though, a bunch of furniture filled with comics, books and vinyls. Some figures that looked pretty expensive. You only recognized the spider man one.

She had a console near the huge tv placed in her living room, and a bunch of pillows alongside a small blanket on the couch.

“Why do you have so many pillows in here?” she was already turning the tv on, laying on the couch and patting besides her so you would sit there. And so you did.

“I take a lot of naps in here during the day and fall asleep after working, I don’t realize I’m sleepy until I can’t even stand up so I decided to bring this here”

How could she be so lazy? and why was it so hot of her to be lazy?

“So you take naps while you should be working?” she nodded “I’m guessing you’ve been doing it for years now, I can’t believe you still have the job”

She just shrugged, casually opening her arms along the couch. And who in this earth would deny to cuddling with her?

None of you realized but eventually both just felt asleep, hugging each other, embraced by the warm blanket she’d covered you both before playing the movie.

116 notes · View notes

lyn-1225 · 1 year

Text

Tough days

Pairing: Carl Gallagher x fem!reader

Warnings: fluff, depression, self harm, anxiety (a little bit), blood, panic attack, sexual reference. I think that’s about it.

Word count: 2000-3000

A/n: I’ve been absolutely obsessed with shameless lately and Carl is my favorite by far. Of course I had to stay up till 2 AM to write this. I’m currently working on a request sent but if you have a request please don’t hesitate to let me know :) enjoy my bad writing.

⚠️ if you are sensitive to topics of mental health please don’t read this. Your safety and mental health is a top priority. ⚠️

This gif of Carl makes me want to scream 😆

——————————————————————

Your POV:

It was known that life wasn’t fair.

It never was and it never would be.

It seemed like I could never catch a break.

Once life actually seemed good, something would come and fuck it up.

This time depression decided to fuck it up.

I’ve always suffered with it, but this time it was different. It was always manageable and short before but now, it was longer and harder to deal with.

The overwhelming fear that I wasn’t good enough and that everyone around me hated me was way stronger than it’s ever been.

Normally reading, writing, painting, or listening to music would help but I was too in my head this time.

I couldn’t get out.

Thought after thought filled my head as I held the small cold razor in my right hand.

It wasn’t the first time unfortunately.

It was some sort of relief. At the time that is.

Small droplets of blood run down my left forearm, the pain allowing for a small relief that I’ve been needing.

That relief is short lived when the thoughts come swarming back to my head.

Oh no not again.

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t manage to get rid of the nasty thoughts.

Just one more.

One turned into two which then turned into three.

At that point I gave up. Not on life but on that form of relief.

It was only harming me not helping me.

I stand up from the toilet seat washing off the razor and my arm being careful of the fresh cuts.

The sting makes me wince as the water runs over my skin.

I turn the water off heading back to my room to change and hide the razor.

Spotting a grey long sleeve shirt I swap it out for my current t- shirt. Finding a pair of black, pink sweatpants I put them on taking my shorts off beforehand.

The heat from the shirt and pants envelops me making me feel happy.

I was no longer cold due to the weather that somehow only happens at night around here.

Lately things at home haven’t been the best. My parents are almost never home anymore. They never really cared about me in the first place.

I pick up my phone checking the time that shows up in big font.

11:43 PM.

My mind still runs as I check my recent notifications hoping and praying that Carl texted.

He didn’t.

Carl and I have been best friends for years. We met in school of course.

To be honest I have no idea why he wanted to be friends with me. I’m the complete opposite of him.

He doesn’t seem to care though.

Yes he does he thinks you’re annoying that mean voice in my head sneers.

That’s not true.. right?

Those thoughts plague my mind sending me into a whirlwind of emotions. How pathetic am I to be easily persuaded by a single thought in my head?

The panic in my chest starts to rise signaling the worst thing that could be happening right now.

Fuck.

Immediately I find Carl’s contact, pressing the call button.

Placing the phone to my ear with a shaky hand, I try to take deep breaths.

After the fourth ring he picks up.

“Hello?” He says in a groggy voice.

Shit. I woke him up.

“Hi um” I start before stopping my sentence as I feel a lump form in my throat.

“Hey you okay?” Carl asks on the other side picking up on my hesitation.

“I um. I-is it okay if I um. Come over” I stutter pinching my eyes together trying not to break down.

“Yeah of course, I’ll wait for you outside” he says, shuffling being heard from his side of the phone.

“T-thank you” I say starting to head for my front door.

“I’ll be here” he reassures before hanging up.

I place my phone in my pocket opening the front door. Shutting the door behind me I start for the Gallagher house.

It’s probably a good thing I live a few houses down from him.

The dark cold outside fills around me. The cold somehow creeping through my warm clothes.

Walking fast down the sidewalk, the panic in my chest starts to worsen making my head fog up and my heart rate pick up.

Carls figure appears a few houses away. His body sitting on the steps to his house as he looks out at the road the street light illuminating his face just the right way.

Without even realizing it my pace quickens hoping that I wouldn’t start breaking down in the middle of the neighborhood.

As I get closer and closer the tightness in my lungs starts making it harder for me to breathe.

Shit.

Tears sting my eyes when I reach his calm yet slightly worried appearance.

He immediately gets up noticing me standing in front of him.

Without a word he leads me up the stairs and into his warm and cozy home.

Home.

This felt like home.

The tears in my eyes start to fall as the panic attack starts to take control. Normally I’d be able to stop an upcoming attack before it starts but this one was way to strong.

“Shit y/n” Carl whispers shocked at my sudden emotions. He quickly pulls my body towards the couch as tears run down my cheeks.

It was embarrassing to have him see me like this. Even though we’ve been friends for years, I’ve never been the type to express my feelings openly. I’ve never cried in front of him before.

There’s a first for everything right?

He holds my face in his hands, worry lacing over his beautiful features.

Sobs rack through my body as it gets harder and harder to breathe.

“I can’t b-breathe” I hiccup placing a shaky hand on my rapidly beating heart.

Fear starts to push into my mind.

Not the typical fears.

The tightness in my chest and the lack of air going into my lungs was starting to scare me.

Was I dying?

“Look at me” Carl says trying to get my focus on him. His hand taps my leg enough to get my attention but not enough to scare me.

Everything around me starts to spin making it extremely difficult to focus.

“Y/n look at me” he tries again this time moving my head in his direction griping my chin slightly.

My eyes lock with his, my entire body feeling like it’s gonna give out any second. “Follow my breathing” he says moving my hands to his stomach so that I could feel the rhythm of his breathing.

The rise and fall of his stomach underneath my hands calms me the slightest bit. It’s not enough to stop my internal and external freak out though.

He takes a few deep breaths keeping his hands on mine. His eyes hold contact with mine the entire time. Not in a creepy way of course but more in a concerned way.

Inhale

Exhale

I try to do what he’s doing, failing a few times.

Inhale

Exhale

My heart beats a mile per minute, my mind still racing.

Inhale

Exhale

My breathing starts to get better as I follow his lead.

Inhale

Exhale

I open my eyes for what felt like the first time. No more cloudy eyes filled with tears.

Inhale

Exhale

My heart beat starts to slow down the more I match my breathing.

Inhale

Exhale

The panic attack comes to a slow close, my body feeling drained of any stamina it originally had.

That was the worst panic attack I’ve ever had.

“Good” Carl comments making it known to me that he’s relieved that I’m no longer freaking out. Squeezing my hands in his slowly taking them away from his stomach he gives me a small yet sad smile.

I could tell he wanted to ask me about it but I know he didn’t want to push. Considering the fact that this was the first time I’ve cried in front of him, he was smart enough to know that I wouldn’t immediately talk about it.

My mind starts to clear giving me that much needed silence in my head. The silence I only seem to get with him.

I bow my head a few stray tears falling from my eyes.

“I’m sorry” I whisper, the embarrassment starting to show through.

Everything I’ve bottled up has presented itself to the one person I didn’t think would be there to see it.

“Hey, hey” he says lifting my head wiping the tears from my face.

“Don’t ever be sorry for something you can’t control” he frowned looking into my slightly glossy eyes.

His green eyes stare deeply into mine with an emotion I didn’t quite know. His face shows so many emotions that tell me exactly how he feels about the situation. He seems more shocked and worried than anything.

I nod my head silently saying okay even though I was gonna continue saying sorry even in times where I did nothing wrong. That’s just me though.

After a few seconds of us sitting in silence, he reaches over to the coffee table grabbing the remote before turning the tv on. He slightly lays down urging me to lay down as well.

Grateful that he decided to leave it, I lean down next to him making sure I don’t get in his way.

“Want to watch something specific?” He asks turning to me pointing the remote towards me.

“Um. I don’t know” I answer looking down at my arms. My left sleeve had risen to the point where the fresh cuts underneath where showing. I pull my sleeve further down my arm quickly enough to make sure Carl didn’t see.

I was to busy worrying about my sleeve that I didn’t notice the fact that Carl was starting at me the entire time. With him staring at me meant him also starting at my exposed arm.

I didn’t pull my sleeve down fast enough.

He saw my arm before I could even blink.

His expression changed when I turned back towards him. This time he was more sad and discouraged.

“Oh y/n/n” he sighed leaning up so that he was closer to me.

He takes my arms in his hands slowly lifting both my sleeves up.

The right arm only had a few scattered scars from a while ago, but the fresh cuts on my left arm show in full display, a few of them still slightly bleeding.

He runs the tips of his middle and pointer finger around the cuts focusing on the sight in front of him. The small action causes goosebumps to rise on my arms.

“Why?” He questions lightly going over the cuts now. He was hesitant when asking one of the questions that I’ve been dreading since my depression started.

I’ve been hiding my emotions and my thoughts for so long that everything that should be let out is bottling up in my mind.

I trusted Carl with everything in me. I’ve always been scared to share my thoughts in fear that no one would care or they’d say that I’m an attention seeker. All of this comes from past trauma that has kicked my ass in the past and still does now.

It was time for me to tell him. He’s come to me in the worst times of his life crying at my shoulder. It was time to allow myself to do the same.

“I needed a release” I start, clearing the silence in the air.

He looks up at me a mixture of surprise and sadness knowing that I was about to open up about everything going on.

“My mind won’t shut up. I have these overwhelming fears that everyone around me hates me. That you find me annoying. That I’m not good enough” I explain looking at him for his reaction.

“There’s a lot more shit that I still need to talk about but I think for right now this is a good start” I say showing a tight lipped smile.

His eyes soften at my explanation.

“I don’t find you annoying at all. You are the only person I like talking to other than my family” he says moving his hands back down to mine.

“Truth is. I’ve had a crush on you since we met. I just never had the guts to admit it” he says rubbing small circles into my hands.

Relief and delight fills my body at his sudden confession. Relief that he wasn’t judging me for my thoughts and delight because the crush I’ve had on him for years was reciprocated.

I smile at him squeezing his hand “I’ve had a crush on you too.”

A smile graces his face now at my confession. He wraps his arms around my upper body pulling me towards his chest.

I feel myself melt at his touch as the sensation of calm runs through my veins.

I wrap my arms around his neck, my head finding it way to his chest. Our heartbeats quickens a bit at the interaction.

He kisses the top of my head making sure that I know he’s sincere about his confession before pulling back from the embrace.

“Let’s get you cleaned up” he says standing up from the couch. He reaches his hand out to me wanting me to take it.

“Okay” I smile taking his hand, standing up with a little bit of his help.

My body is still shaky which means my legs feel like jelly underneath me. Exhaustion still evident within me.

He leads me to the kitchen taking his hand out from mine when we reach the counter top and the sink.

I clear a spot on the counter before I hop up on it, waving my legs back and forth like a child.

He grabs a cup filling it with water handing it to me.

“Drink this” he demands handing me the cup while trying to sound stern even though he’s gone soft for me.

“Don’t go acting all mean on me now” I chuckle taking a sip of the cool water.

“I’ll be back” he laughs shaking his head at my statement. He walks up the stairs and out of my sight leaving me to sit with my almost clear mind.

I take a few more sips of my drink as I wait for him to get back.

A few minutes later he walks back down the stairs holding a first aid kit.

“Sorry I took so long, I couldn’t find it at first. There’s so much shit in this house that everything I see is lost the next day” he snickers examining the box in his hands.

I laugh as he sets it on the counter to the left of my body. He opens the box searching through the contents to find the things he needed.

He grabs some ointment and some alcohol spray, placing them off to the side. He then grabs bandage wrap placing that to the side as well.

Walking over to the laundry he picks out a dish rag walking it back over to the sink. He runs the water over half the rag making sure that that water is rung out.

“Ready?” He asks moving to my left side.

“Your not doing surgery on me right?” I ask trying my best to sound concerned for my safety.

I laugh a little to try and lighten the mood considering the circumstances i got him involved in.

He laughs as well placing the cold wet rag on my forearm. Focusing on what he’s doing he gently runs the rag along my arm making sure to clean up any blood or dirt that has built up around the cuts.

The more he looks at it the more I can tell it’s starting to affect him. His once smiley face turned serious as time went on.

“Promise me you won’t do this again” he pleads taking his eyes off my arm. He looks up at me with pleading eyes.

“I promise” I say giving him a genuine reassuring look that both me and him need.

It’s hard to make a promise that you don’t know if you’ll keep, but I know that if I do break the promise he would understand. Of course I’m gonna do everything in my power to never do this again.

His eyes light up at my promise making him smile. Seeing him happy about my promise makes me even more determined to not break it.

Using the dry side of the rag he dries up my arm, placing the rag into the sink for someone else in the house to take care of it.

He grabs the spray from off the counter uncapping it and pointing it towards my arm.

“This is gonna sting” he says spraying it onto the fresh cuts. The stinging sensation flows through my arm making me wince slightly.

It wasn’t the worst pain in the world but you could definitely feel it.

He quickly finished up with the spray giving me a sympathetic look as he caps the spray and puts it back onto the counter.

He looks back down at my arm grabbing the ointment unscrewing the lid.

He applies small amounts on my arm before rubbing it over the cuts with a gentle touch I never thought he’d have.

That alone makes my heart flutter.

I stare at him with loving eyes as he cleans his fingers off and grabs the bandage wrap. He starts to wrap my arm with the bandage making sure that it’s tight enough that It won’t fall off but not tight enough for it to cut off my circulation.

“There, all done” he smiles placing everything back into the kit shutting it closed.

I smile before looking down at my bandage wrapped arm. The white wrap goes around almost my entire forearm. The sight makes it look like I belong in a psych ward.

That thought makes me frown knowing what I did to myself.

I didn’t deserve that.

He didn’t deserve that.

“Hey” Carl says gaining my attention. I look up in his direction as he moves in between my legs.

“It’s okay” he says placing his hands on my hips. He looks at me with soft eyes.

The tears in my eyes start to fall down my face again. I quickly wipe them away trying to make it seem like I wasn’t just crying in front of him.

Carl takes my face in his hands rubbing my cheeks with each of his thumbs. “I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t open up to me” he says keeping his eyes trained on mine.

“I know you don’t like talking about your feelings but it’s obvious whatever’s going on is hurting you. I don’t want you feeling hurt” he whispers the last part tears of his own starting to form.

“Carl please don’t cry” I say lifting my hands to his face so that I could wipe underneath his eyes. He moves his hands from my face down to my hips again lightly squeezing the fat that is there.

“Things at home haven’t been the greatest” I start about to tell my whole life story to him.

He stares at me intently urging me to continue my words as he rubs my hip bones with his thumbs.

“My parents were never around. I practically raised myself my entire life. Anytime they were home they would constantly yell at each other” I say looking at him then looking around the room.

“I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since I was 9 or 10” I confess. His eyebrows furrow at the age I said. That was a year or so before me and him met.

“It hasn’t been to bad to deal with. I can deal with it on my own, but this time it was worse” I bow my head feeling slightly ashamed at the fact that I couldn’t control it.

“I didn’t think I could go through this one alone so I came here” i finish as I look around the house. The safe proximity helping me feel okay.

I look back to him waiting to hear a response. He looks at me with big eyes and a small sad smile.

Out of nowhere he leans his head forward capturing my lips in a passionate and sweet kiss.

The kiss is soft and filled with the emotions running through his head.

My stomach explodes with butterflies, our lips move in sync with each other.

He keeps his hands on my hips this time squeezing them a little bit more than before.

A little out of breath we pull away our foreheads leaning against each other.

“Im so sorry if I gave you a reason to not trust me with everything you’ve gone through” he whispers to me touching his nose to mine.

“Carl” I start looking into his eyes. “Please don’t let yourself think that I don’t trust you. I trust you more than I trust anyone else in my life” I say.

“From now on I will talk to you anytime something happens. I won’t bottle things up anymore” I promise him taking my forehead away from his.

He smiles at me before wrapping his arms around my shoulders while mine wrap around his waist.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to kiss you” he chuckles resting his head on top of mine.

“Trust me. Me too” I smile leaning my head up to kiss the side of his jaw. He looks down at me a huge smile crossing his face.

“This definitely isn’t the right time but is it wrong for me to say that you kissing my jaw is a huge turn on” he says pulling away from our hug.

“Oh really” I smirk purposefully moving my hands to his waist so that I could pull him closer.

“Want me to prove it” he asks maneuvering his hands along my thighs dangerously close to where he wanted to be the most.

I would be lying if I said this wasn’t turning me on as well but instead of giving in I decided to be a tease.

“Nah I’m good thanks though” I say nonchalantly jumping down from the counter grabbing my glass that previously had water in it.

“You son of a bitch” Carl says looking at me as if I spit at him. Putting my glass under the faucet I turn it on filling the glass back up with water.

I point my left middle finger at him while I take a large sip of the water.

He looks at me in disbelief his eyes slightly wide.

I’ve never been like this before but I guess now I’m gonna show every part of me that he never knew.

“So that’s how you want to play huh?” He asks moving closer to me. He has a smug look on his face like he’s about to pounce at any moment.

“Don’t you dare” I say placing my glass down before backing away from him slowly.

He continues moving forward trapping me in the corner of the sink and the refrigerator.

Suddenly running towards me he picks me up making me squeal.

I wrap my legs around his waist while my arms wrap around his neck trying to make sure I don’t fall.

He laughs placing his hands around my back. He spins me around in a circle keeping a strong grip around me.

“I like this position” he comments earning a slap to the side of the head from me. “Stop it” I laugh wrapping my arms around his neck again.

He walks us to the living room lightly throwing me down onto the couch before landing on top of me.

He leans up to place a short kiss to my lips before turning the tv back on to a random channel.

He switches through a few channels before giving up. There wasn’t anything good on since it was practically the middle of the night.

It was some sort of animal channel but we didn’t care.

We only cared about each other.

He cuddled up to my chest pulling my sleeves back down my arms to my hands knowing it was annoying me.

I play with his hair as both of us start to loose touch of reality and start to blink back sleep.

Tonight’s actions run through my head one last time before I fall asleep with him cuddled up to me.

I hope every day includes special moments like what we had tonight.

——————————————————————

A/n: Every imagine I see they say Carl has blue eyes. When I looked it up on google it said that he had green eyes. So that’s what I went with. Hope you liked the imagine :) I had a great time writing it.

#carl gallagher #imagine #carl gallagher x reader #shameless #mental health #sh trigger warning #fluff

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m-y-fandoms · 1 year

Text

COMMISSION: SDR2 Boys x Reader - Marshmallow Hell Scenarios

Details: For those who don’t know, Marshmallow Hell is an anime cliche/trope where someone falls face first into/is smothered by someone’s breasts. Also, this is for anyone with breasts, no pronouns are mentioned

Warnings: language and lewd suggestive scenarios but its kinda PG-13/Teen

SDR2 spoilers in some sections, but some will be implied to be Island Mode/no despair

Word Count: 4.5K words - around 500 for each boy

Byakuya Twogami

It was normal for you and all of your classmates to convene in the hotel restaurant every morning. You ate breakfasts handmade by the Ultimate Cook, discussed the day’s plans, and just caught up with each other. There were already cliques and little sub-groups within the whole - people who favored each other. Nekomaru could often be found getting stronger or training with Akane, Sonia and Gundham spoke of their interest in the occult, and Hajime and Chiaki had grown quite close. Ibuki had developed a fondness and sort of infatuation for the group’s self-appointed leader: Byakuya Togami. It seemed natural to want to be closer to someone titled the Ultimate Affluent Progeny, as he held wealth, status, confidence, and yet a bit of mystery. Ibuki, however, seemed to take to him more than the others. She was constantly asking him questions, playfully praising him, following him around.

This morning in particular, you were minding your own business, in the corner talking about beach-going plans with Chiaki after having just finished your breakfast. Ibuki, loud and boisterous, was trailing behind Byakuya, asking after what their esteemed leader had planned for the day, and Hiyoko, short-tempered as ever, was slowly losing her patience with the noise so early in the morning.

You actually had to commend Byakuya on his own patience. For someone who would be easy to judge as pompous and stuck-up, he actually was quite good at keeping his cool and naturally taking up his post as leader. He passed by Chiaki and yourself on the way back to the kitchen of the restaurant, and you nearly felt bad for the man who appeared to still be groggy from sleep and yet was being bombarded by conversation. He handled Ibuki well. Hiyoko, however, had enough it seemed.

“Ugh! Shut the hell up! I just woke up and you’re being annoying! Go talk to Mr. Ham Hands in your private cabin if you wanna suck his gross, cheesy dick that bad!” Clenching her teeth in frustration, Hiyoko reached out and shoved Ibuki as hard as she could with her angry little hands. The strength such a hateful little body could produce was actually quite surprising. Ibuki screeched, stumbled abruptly forward into Byakuya, who, taken by surprise, tumbled forward onto you. Like a stack of dominos you all went down with quite a bit of commotion.

With the hefty size and height of the Affluent Progeny before you, you were easily taken flat to the ground with a gasp. Everyone turned to look at the situation: Ibuki collapsed across Byakuya’s ass and legs, and Byakuya smothered head first into the plush front of your breasts. Time seemed to stop for a second, and Byakuya raised his head, cheeks aflame with embarrassment at the undignified position. You looked back into his eyes with just as much shock. Hiyoko covered her mouth with both hands, holding back how devilishly delighted she was at the chaos she’d just caused.

“Well, well! If the big rich boy wanted some play that badly, he probably could’ve just asked (Y/N)! I must say, I’m quite jealous of his position!” Teruteru teased, wiggling his fingers, imagining himself switching places with Byakuya.

Byakuya scrambled to his feet, lifting himself off of you in a hurry while sputtering defensive, angry retorts about how a gentleman of rare stock such as himself would never stoop so low and something about not being a common rake like the promiscuous chef.

Teruteru Hanamura

Teruteru was playful, unserious, relaxed in most aspects of his life and personality. However, you noticed he was fiercely serious when it came to cooking. It was his passion, his life’s work, something he didn’t play around with. You admired how much time and effort he put into his craft, and loved to watch him work. He spent every breakfast, lunch and dinner period making a literal feast for all of his classmates, and you often liked to either watch him work his magic in the kitchen, or get more hands-on and actually help him. You found him funny and knowledgable, and liked learning little recipes and cooking methods as much as eating the finished works. However, it was nice to be complimented, compared to delicious dishes and praised for your cooking assistance skills. You found yourself having a lot of fun with him.

At the moment, you were helping Teruteru in the dining hall of the old building by the hotel. Your class had prepared a little party of sorts for tonight, a little feast and get-together to chat, have fun, and just be carefree for a night. Now done with the dishes, it was all about plating and arrangment. He wanted the dining hall to stun your peers when they arrived in the next ten minutes or so.

He was up on a ladder, piling up a tower of sashimi and nigiri a mile high. You spotted him, nervous about the height he was at, especially with his short frame. You had your arms out in preparation, ready for any spills or to catch stray strips of fish meat. Everything had to be perfect. He took pride in that. Ice on the bottom, a cold room, fresh meat, the proper placement.

Teetering to place a bit of yellowtail and red snapper on the top of his masterpiece, you heard him gasp a bit, one foot stumbling over the other on the top step of the ladder. Determined not to crash into and therefore ruin his mountain of fish, he quickly shifted his weight, twisting so he instead fell away and off of the ladder and unfortunately, onto his gracious helper. You grunted with the impact, slamming flat onto your back on the hard floor with Teruteru on top of you. With his height and the angle of the fall, his face planted so very conveniently into your breasts.

It was almost a little too perfect of a scenario for someone like him, and you flustered up immediately, questioning if he’d done it on purpose as he took his good old time getting up. Of course, lewd remark after lewd remark ensued, as he took advantage of the situation fully. How often would he get an opportunity as lucky as that?

Nekomaru Nidai

Nekomaru had many more positive traits than negative ones. You absolutely loved spending time with him, as he radiated positivity and pushed all of those around him to be their best self and train their bodies and minds. He was all about mental and physical strength, as was expected of the Ultimate Team Manager. Nekomaru trained champions, and so he could never just let his friends go without realizing their full potential. You very much enjoyed his presence, his overwhelming energy, hearty laugh, encouraging personality.

Spending time with Nekomaru often meant also spending time with Akane. The two walls of muscle often bonded over their shared interest in being strong in body and mind, and today you’d agreed to train with them. Nekomaru was good at reading people’s insecurities - better to help overcome them - and today, he insisted on honing your senses, as the killing game left you feeling vulnerable and even a bit useless. There’s no one you trusted more to help you get out of those feelings. It was good to get your mind off of things while training to become less of a target for a killing. Two birds, one stone and all that.

Nekomaru had all four of you blindfolded: you, Nekomaru himself, Akane, and Hajime Hinata, who often got roped into silly activities with whoever seemed to be available to hang out that particular day. Nekomaru insisted he could use the training as well, so here he was. The next hour or so was spent dodging light attacks, relying on hearing and sensing danger when sight was not an option. Nekomaru always went easier on you and Hajime, saving the harder hits for Akane, who would never accept any less. Out on the beach behind the diner, you felt the sand between your toes, the wind on your face, the blindfold forcing you to perceive your surroundings in a whole new way.

You swivled on your heels, hearing someone new approach from the south, and you assumed everyone else heard them, too. It was Ibuki, as you easily reognized from the voice.

“There you guys are! We couldn’t find you for like, forever! Anyhoo! Teruteru sent me to round y’all up! Soup’s on! Come on back to the-” before Ibuki could even finish her words, Akane was bolting, blindfold still on, toward the first island, and only Ibuki would actually see what happened next:

Akane, all speed and no sight, plowed into Hajime and pushed past him. He yelped, splatting onto the ground at full-force.

“Ouch! What the fu- ah!” Hajime was cut off as Nekomaru, who also was now heading in the same direction as Akane, tripped over Hajime’s prone body on the sand, tripping face forward onto you, innocent of the chaos and unsuspecting while still blind to the world around you.

“Gah!” Nekomaru’s deep voice rumbled, clumsily taking you down with him, his huge mountain of a body easily smashing yours into the sand below him. Ibuki could only laugh at the cluster-fuck in front of her, the chain of events that lead to Nekomaru face planting directly into your chest. His exclamation of surprise was muffled into your soft mounds of flesh. You were speechless, just wondering what the hell was going on.

“Aww man, sorry, Hajime!” Nekomaru, hearing Hajime yell out beforehand, assumed it was the skinny brunette crushed below him. He reached up for the blindfold, lifting it and immediately feeling a rush of embarrassment set his cheeks ablaze. The tips of his ears were on fire and his heartbeat was racing, now making eye contact with you.

He wasn’t oblivious to his size, knowing whoever he’d fallen on top of was almost certainly pinned and unable to get up until he moved, so he scrambled to is feet, apologizing profusely and helping you to your feet while Ibuki made teasing remarks just a short distance away.

Gundham Tanaka

It was a rare stormy night on the beautiful tropical island. All outdoor activities were off the table, and so you and your good friend, Gundham, decided on spending time in his cabin. It had taken a lot of work to get Gundham to this point, where he let a “mere mortal” into the safe space of his private quarters, and he was still closed off in some ways. He had walls up: about his heart, his past, his Four Dark Devas, and you’d slowly broken many of them down. He still was his own quirky, awkward, edgy self, but around you, he was slightly more relaxed. He didn’t usually let others interact with his Devas, and he still insisted they could turn on even himself in a moment’s notice as they were powerful beasts and truly their own masters, but he was more comfortable letting you hold and take care of them than anyone else. You’d earned that right. You were worthy in his eyes.

You loved his personalized cabin, overrun with hamster tunnels and pet care items. It was so cute and cozy, a stark contrast to his own presentation to the world. Tonight, he regaled you with embellished and dramatic tales of his past feats while the Devas crawled all around you. One was under the collar of your shirt, trying to siphon away your body heat, another used your shirt sleeve like a tunnel. One sat in your lap, eating a seed you offered. Gundham’s storytelling was so entertaining to you because he was so effortlessly good at it. It was an accident that he was so alluring.

Without warning, lightning cracked outside and the lights went out. It was pure black all around you, and you assumed your peers in their own cabins were experiencing the same thing.

Freaking out a bit, Gundham yelled for his Devas, calling them back to his own side. Again, though he trusted you, and didn’t want to admit any faults in his breeding and training methods, at the end of the day, the Devas were animals with instincts and wild at heart. He feared them panicking at the sudden darkness and lashing out to scratch or bite you. He could handle it, as his bandaged arm proved, but he didn’t want that happening to you.

He reached out frantically for the Devas in the dark, lunging forward, scrambling and stumbling until he accidentally toppled you over. Clumsily, he fell forward onto you. You yelped at the impact, not seeing but feeling the Devas scramble for cover away from you before they could be crushed by their owner. Now flat on your back in the darkness, you smelled a masculine, fragrant gel product as a coif of hair tickled your nostrils. Quickly you realized that Gundham Tanaka had pinned you, his face smashed into your bosom.

The monitor that adorned every individual cabin flashed on, the monochromatic, evil bear appearing with a sheepish look across his mischievous face.

“Sorry there, kiddos! Backup generator comin’ at ya!” As if he even cared in the first place, he giggled before disappearing off the screen once again.

The lights shuttered and then flashed back on, Gundham now able to fully take in the situation. His eyes met yours, and widened in absolute horror, mouth agape. He shoved himself off of you immediately, crawling back to his side of the floor and gathering his Devas into his arms. He preferred to pretend the whole thing never happened, hiding his now tomato-red face behind the folds of his scarf.

Nagito Komaeda

Nagito was acting weird. Like, weirder than usual. You were all in the hotel restaurant for your morning meeting as always, save for Fuyuhiko, who was in the hospital after Peko’s trial the day before. Nagito was a clammy, sweaty mess, ranting and and raving about the most random things, and just… lying a lot?

You knew Nagito a little better than the others in the group, actively choosing to befriend and get to know him as much as he would allow, but one didn’t need to know Nagito well to know that he was lying. He was saying the most outlandish, obvious lies in rapid succession.

“Nagito, is this a joke? What are you up to, now?” Hajime, ever cynical and suspicious questioned the pariah of the group, who held himself in a crazed embrace, arms wrapped around his shaking form as he rambled on.

You also knew from spening time with Nagito that he was ill, extremely ill. He was so physically ill that it extended into affecting his mental and emotional wellbeing as well. It wasn’t like he didn’t lie to push his own goals from time to time, but this was different. Something was wrong. You’d all observed that Ibuki and Akane were acting strange as well, and so Hajime, kind of the default leader of sorts, put his flat palm to each of their foreheads and found them ablaze with heat. Ah ha! So there was an illness on top of the illness. Nagito was lanky and pale as it was, but today, he was a ghost of even that.

The group discussed what to do, trying to figure out what was wrong with your three obviously ill classmates, when Nagito, chuckling in a frenzied, unstable way, started to wobble on his feet. You saw his eyes roll to the back of his head, and he stumbled, beginning to drop. You swept forward and moved to catch him before he could hit the floor and take some real damage. With someone as sickly as him, a good fall would probably mess him up big time. Losing consciousness, his dead weight fell face forward, directly into the cushion of your breasts. You fumbled with his weight, struggling to keep him up while he nearly suffocated into the plush surface that smothered his face. You panicked, looking around for help, humiliation in your expression. He was heavier than his gangly frame suggested.

Hajime Hinata

You had the despair disease.

And you had it bad.

Forced into the hospital on the third island, you, Nagito, Akane and Ibuki had been quarantined, separated from most of your healthy classmates. Only Mikan, Fuyuhiko and Hajime visited the four of you on a day-to-day basis, both to care for you until you were better and to protect you from being victims of the killing game. Hajime, being closer to you than the others and someone who considered you a true friend, also just wanted to be there to keep you company. If he caught the disease trying to protect and visit you, so be it. He wasn’t really worried about it.

Little did Hajime know, you very much saw him as more than a friend. Although you’d never admit it to him, you were head over heels for your intelligent, perceptive, caring classmate. Your crush couldn’t have been bigger. When the disease first began to manifest and you were in the more mild stages of it, you tried to keep him away from the hospital, because it was clear to you which form of the disease you’d caught.

Akane had cowardice, Nagito lying, Ibuki gullibility, and you…

It was most definitely love… or lust, or infatuation… you couldn’t quite tell. You’d like to think it was love, because if it was just lust or infatuation, you’d think you’d be climbing all over Fuyuhiko and Mikan when they came to visit, too, but so far, your grabby hands had only been reaching for Hajime. Your mind had been infected with an all-encompassing passion for Hajime Hinata, and Hajime Hinata alone.

Again, when you were more conscious and healthy at the begginning stages of the disease, you could recognize the involuntary increase of feelings swelling in your heart. You tried to warn Hajime to stay away, fully aware of what was happening to your body. He insisted on taking care of you just as he would help Mikan take care of the others, regardless of your warnings. As your fever burned and the sickness ravaged your body, you found it harder and harder to not grab at him when he approached, to not flirt shamelessly, to not look him up and down and imagine him without his shirt on. On days when the island felt hotter than usually, you subtly even suggested that he just be rid of the white uniform shirt altogether. Hajime had been a blushing mess around you all week, but had done his best to ignore the touches and advances, as he knew you weren’t in your right frame of mind. Though he secretly liked you more as a friend as well, he’d never take advantage of your predicament.

On this day in particular, the disease seemed to be at its climax. Your body was going through waves of heat flashes, sweat pouring from your hairline and onto your face.

As soon as Hajime opened the door to your hospital room, you leapt out of the bed before he could even speak a word. Your heart burned with affection as you latched onto him, jumping into his arms and smushing his face into the crevice of your breasts, very much on purpose.

“Hajime~ I missed you~” You crushed his nose into the sweaty cleavage of your bosom, wanting him to feel the warmth and love you held for him.

“(Y-Y/N)!” Hajime sputtered, stunned at the surprise attack, could barely breath, smothered into the embrace.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

You really admired Peko for her strength, skill and silent grace. She was strong and knew she was strong. She didn’t boast, she was confident in her art form. She was truly the Ultimate Swordswoman. Although it was quite hard at first, you’d managed to get close enough to her to consider her a friend. Being close to Peko by default meant you’d have to get a bit closer with Fuyuhiko as well. The pair were inseparable it seemed, and you didn’t mind that. Fuyuhiko, despite his fiery, spiky exterior, was actually much more thoughtful and kind that most people knew. You’d grown to realize that those who earned a modicum of his trust and friendship would not be disappointed in the type of man he could be. He often tagged along, pretending he didn’t want to be there when you hung out with Peko.

You stood on one side of the beach with Peko across the way on the other side. Peko took up an offensive stance, preparing for a head-on attack. She’d agreed to teach you some swordsmanship and martial arts basics here and there after seeing your interest, and so here you were, on your third lesson. Today’s learning goals included the basics of defensive stances, blocks, counters.

You weren’t picking up the skills as quickly as you’d like, though Peko always encouraged you to press on in her sisterly, stern, blunt way. Fuyuhiko stood nearby, reading some old book from the enormous library while leaned carelessly against the outside wall of the diner. He looked up occassionally to watch you two and comment, to scoff or tease when you messed up or express concern begrudgingly when he felt like Peko was going a little hard on you. Though she was supportive verbally, it seemed that she sometimes forgot her own strength compared to a beginners when it came time for action.

Frustrated with your own skills, you spaced out a bit, sighing and dropping your guard for just a moment, the wrong moment. Peko surged forward for an attack, noticing your lack of focus just a second too late.

“(Y/N), block!” Peko spoke curtly as she approached. With that wake up call, you brought the practice sword up at the very last second, just barely avoiding a head-on attack from the master swordswoman, one that probably would’ve knocked you out cold. Your pathetic excuse for a block took away a bit of the brunt impact, but Peko’s pure strength had you stumbling back still, knocked backward off your feet.

Fuyuhiko, softer in the heart than he’d like to admit, looked up upon hearing the commotion and, in an instinctual moment of reaction, dropped his book and lunged forward, ready to break your fall, if even just a little. You made eye contact with him on the way down, dropping hold of the sword and twisting to grab onto his petite frame.

You easily tipped over his small body, taking him down with you. You instantly smothered him - your chest lining up perfectly with his nose and mouth - cutting off his airways as you two hit the ground. You were crushing him.

Profanities and protests fully muffled against your chest, Fuyuhiko struggled and swore, insulting you and hurling hateful curses from his compromising position.

Kazuichi Souda

You were making your way to Strawberry House from Grape House. In the elevator beside you was your good friend, Kazuichi, or just Kaz’, as you’d affectionately taken to calling him. You two often moved together, hanging out nearly every day, and now that you were all locked inside the funhouse, nothing had changed. In fact, with the danger of the killing game motive, you probably spent even more time linked at the hip with Kazuichi, as you liked to have each other’s back. He was a true friend to you.

Not only did you find Kazuichi’s unique style intriguing and his personality hilarious, but you really respected his unmatchable skill in engineering. He was a master, able to fix, take apart, and fix again nearly every machine or piece of tech that was thrown at him. He often, in fact, didn’t see just how amazing he was. Sure, he bragged at times, but you sensed a lot of insecurity under the surface, like he would never know just how valuable and important he actually was. You would often ask for his help fixing things or beg him to teach you some of what he knew.

On what you expected to be a short ride in the elevator, you were chatting it up with your best bud, complaining about the lack of food and the eye-strain caused by the bright walls of the fun house. One thing you two loved to do was complain together. You both just seemed to get each other.

Quite suddenly, the elevator stalled. Stopping mid-sentence, you grabbed onto Kazuichi’s forearm for reassurance as the elevator shook and thrusted to an abrupt halt with a jolt, knocking you into him. The lights flickered and went out.

“This is my worst fucking nightmare…” You chuckled nervously, grabbing onto Kazuichi tighter. He was panicking too under the surface, but being the Ultimate Mechanic, knew he was well within his skill set to fix the situation. Grumbling in displeasure, he sighed.

“Yeah, this fuckin’ sucks, but…” he started reaching out in the dark, looking for some kind of control panel or buttons, “I can probably get us outta here. Shit! If only I had just a speck of light!” You relinquished your hold on him so he could crouch, looking for some way to start his work. The panic was starting to really set in for you. What were the odds of this happening?

With a groan, the elevator lurched and shook again.

“Kaz’!” You shrieked in the dark, leaping forward to grab onto Kazuichi, not caring one bit if you were impeding on any progress he had made. He yelped as you suctioned yourself onto him, tackling him to the ground.

“H-hey!” Kazuichi’s voice was muffled below you. You could barely make it out. “I can’t breathe!” He struggled beneath you, locked in your vice-like, terrified embrace as you ashphixiated him into your chest.

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a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual · 9 months

Text

I got bored again so you get Nimona headcanons

I’m fully convinced that Bal is denser than a neutron star

He’s liked Ambrosius ever since he met him and when he was a teenager he was fully convinced those feelings were unrequited

All the while Ambrosius was asking him out like every other week and making plans for their damn wedding

Poor babe had to be kissed on the fucking mouth for him to even consider that Ambrosius liked him back

When he finally caught on he woke up half the institute with his realization because he literally screamed

He got really excited and asked Ambrosius “So you love me yeah?”

Ambrosius was out here looking for hidden cameras because no way in Hell can this man be that clueless

He let Bal believe that it was a new development because he didn’t have the heart to tell Bal that he was just slow on the uptake

He accidentally let it slip to Nimona and she never let him live it down

The boys absolutely made breakup playlists during the movie

Olivia Rodrigo and Taylor Swift were their best friends during that time

When the dust had settled and they forgave each other and themselves they played the playlists and laughed about how stupid they were (and they both pretended not to notice the tears in their eyes)

I’m fully convinced that the trio has the dumbest sense of humor (which is my sense of humor)

Bal has a bad habit of taking his arm off and leaving it in the most random places

Whenever someone asks where his arm is he’ll say “Which one?” Or “I don’t know love where is my arm?”

At first it caught Ambrosius off guard but now he just chuckles and says “Fine be like but don't ask me for help when you can't find it later”

Bal will normally scoff and tell him he won't (they both pretend the conversation never happened when Bal asks him to help him look for it)

One time they were watching a firework show and Nimona turned to them and said “Remind you of anything?”

The boys just sat there not knowing if they wanted to laugh or cry so they took turns doing both

They kept making that joke and Ambrosius threatened to call them firecracker if they kept it up

All they could say was “You act like that isn’t a sick ass nickname”

Whenever the smallest inconvenience happens Ambrosius always says “I wish the director stabbed me that day”

Like this man could misplace his keys and look down at the ground and say “Do me a favor come back and kill me for real please”

The first time he said that Bal spit out his coffee and all Ambrosius could say was “You’re not helping this situation hun”

Honestly, I have no clue how old Ambrosius and Bal are but if I had to guess I would say 20-26

And because they’re both really young and Nimona hasn’t matured past 14 I feel like they would have a very complex relationship with her

They have very paternal instincts when it comes to her but they also act like older brothers

They’ll threaten to ground her if she sets another piece of bubble gum on fire (which she laughs at) but they also aren't afraid to mess around and roughhouse with her

Sometimes Nimona and Ambrosius will be messing around and jokingly picking on each other and the next thing Nimona knows he’s being picked up like he weighs nothing and tossed on the couch

Whenever Nimona annoys the Hell out of Bal while he’s working Bal will just pick him up and place him outside of the lab

And there have been plenty of times when Ambrosius isn't scared to tackle his little ass to the floor

Oh she’ll make sure they regret it because she could easily snap them both in half like a twig but sometimes it’s just fun to play fight (Ambrosius calls them her zoomies)

They’ll bicker over who actually cleans up around the house and whose turn it is to wash the dishes

But they’re also able to have these incredibly deep conversations that go late into the night

They’ll get into very intense fights and then five minutes later Ambrosius will walk into Nimona’s room and leave a tray of cut fruit without saying anything

Whenever the boys are working from home Nimona will hang out with them

She jokes that she’s “blessing them with her presence” and most of the time they let it slide because she doesn’t really do anything

She’ll bring snacks drinks games and a phone charger but she doesn’t talk a lot she just hunkers down and waits for them to be done with work

Whenever the boys ask why she does this she’ll shrug her shoulder but the truth is she finds their company incredibly comforting

#nimona 2023 #nimona movie #nimona headcanon #nimona #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #goldenheart #if you get the bubble gum reference I love you #if you’re Asian you know what the cut fruit means #these dorks make me happy #they're such losers #I don't think Ill ever run out of headcanons #I think this is like the fourth day in a row that I've posted about them #they're so family coded it makes me sick

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modelbus · 4 months

Note

YOOOO MODDLEE

yeah I did it again.

(Help I have a problem of disappearing into thin air)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PART THREE OF CUT CHAOS SHEBSJNSUH

you said you would write 500 chapters.. but like obviously exaggerating..? (Kiddinggg)

tho a few more couldn’t hurt..

juuuust saying if you ever feel like it I will eventually see it and it will eventually make my week. <3333

BUT THATS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE! (I’m sorry my requests are always so long and dramatic bro I just brain like that)

Actual request:

ok so like I knowww cut chaos started from rumours but like rumours are an easy way to start plot lines k? (Also I use she pronouns out of habit but they is pog too)

the friends in question: Tommyinnit (duh), Wilbur (moosic boi), Ranboo (generation loss trauma guy), Possibly Slimecicle?? I know he’s not someone you do requests for normally buttt if you’re okay with it that would be POG, or if slime is a no, tubbo!

SO a few months ago Y/N started working on an SMP with some minimal custom mods, some fancy texture packs, maybe some data packs, and its like this BIGGG project, BUT its not public and its taking a lot of her time, so she can only really do a few streams and most of the time because her schedule is so full its hard to work out streams with friends so, she is alone. with the internet being the internet people started to think something was up, some annoyed viewers made a few rumours and people kept making things up and escalating things until people were saying she did all sorts of horrible things to “lose all her friends” but one of the most popular theories was that she was emotionally abusing them (??? Internet wildin ig) she ignored them while mostly finishing the stuff for the smp, but decided to address it in a very- y/n way. Getting four friends to come to her house and hide slightly off camera while she made a purposefully bad apology video only for them to jump out at the end and her to stand up and be like “YALL REALLY THOUGHT I WAS SOME MASTER MANIPULATOR?! I’M JUST A FUNKY LITTLE CHAOTIC MINECRAFT GOBLIN N’ I’VE BEEN WORKING ON AN SMP THIS WHOLE TIME!! ITS GONNA BE SUPER COOL AND THESE FOUR PLUS ALOOOOT MORE PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE THERE I’M POSTING THE CREATORS SOON AND ITS LAUNCHING IN A MONTH!, SO STOP ASSUMING I’M A BAD PERSON AND GET PUMPED BITCHES!” something along those lines, maybe at the end a little peek at what people are responding with. (Obviously no pressure, but like id be cool) (thanks for considering deity of the busses and models.)

HOW WE LIKING THE SILLIES?!?

P.S I’m not always an angst gremlin (just most of the time..) - ✨🌌🌙 Annon

I DO BE LIKING THE SILLIES (and thank you for elevating me to the level of deity, my ego has been inflated)

Pairing: Cc! Wilbur, Tommy, Ranboo, Charlie Slimecicle x Gn!Reader (platonic)

Roaring Rumors

Life was all about sacrifices.

Or, that’s what you keep telling yourself when you’re up at 1AM working on your server. Putting together an SMP is harder than it sounds; texture packs, data packs, comparability, world-building, even the (seemingly) simply act of contacting people to play on it. For the amount of time you spent on your computer, your hands might as well be part of your keyboard.

Sleep wasn’t the only thing you sacrificed. Streaming, even just fun ones with your friends, had quickly became rare. Although you loved to hop on a call while coding still, your online presence had severely receded.

You just keep telling yourself that sacrifices are necessary. That the payoff would be worth it.

And it really would be, but you just had to get there first. Which was proving harder than you had thought.

At the very least, you still had your friends. Wilbur sitting silently on call with you while you work, Tommy dragging you out of your room, Ranboo always willing to get excited over your progress. Every day you woke up with a text from your groupchat—typically Charlie—just filling you in on the latest internet trend by a meme.

Today, your news comes from Wilbur and Tommy.

“I think they’re canceling you.” Wilbur says casually while you’re in the midst of detailing the hunger bar for a texture pack.

“Ooh, you’re a wrong’un!” Tommy yells in the background of Wilbur’s side of the call.

The three of you had been idly chatting while each doing your own thing. Wilbur and Tommy were engaged in some Twitter competition, as far as you know.

“Canceling me for what?” You ask, deciding to ignore Tommy’s shouting.

“Existing, I think.” Wilbur answers.

“So the normal.”

“The normal.”

Although the conversation stops there, you can’t help yourself. Later, during one of the few hours you dedicate to getting sleep to stay alive, you pull open Twitter on your phone. Your last tweet was nearly two weeks ago, so it’s been a minute.

But you just want to make sure nothing horrible happened while you were busy. You’re a content creator, this is normal. Definitely. You definitely aren’t just justifying this so you can do it.

You swipe through tweets, heading to trending and searching your name. Tweets load, making your mouth run dry. Wilbur wasn’t joking.

All you can do is scroll, reading as the messages get wilder and wilder. From people saying they were missing you to theories on why nobody was streaming you. Each one seemed considerably more implausible, and before you know it you’re glaring at your screen like it’s to fault.

Some thought you had grown apart.

Some thought you had a falling out.

And, apparently, a lot thought you were emotionally abusing them. Or, depending on the tweet, manipulating them.

Quite honestly, you didn’t even know how they got the idea. The long threads of explanations did nothing but send you into a spiral, biting your bottom lip so hard that it bleeds.

You were so close to finishing the SMP. It needed just a few things, then you'd be able to start scheduling to get it up and running. You didn't have the time nor mental capacity to deal with whatever the fuck is going on right now.

Is it a good choice? Maybe not. But do you still ignore the accusations? Hell yes.

By the time you get even closer to finishing the preparations for your SMP, you've come up with the perfect plan to address the (quite stupid) rumors. It'll be a two-in-one; you address the rumors and announce the SMP at the same time.

"How long do I have to lay on this floor?" Tommy asks, stretched out behind your chair.

"Nobody asked you to lay on the floor." Wilbur points out, standing next to your computer. Charlie, on the other side, laughs.

"Yeah man, you wanted to be down there."

"Besides, I'm doing great down here!" Ranboo chimes in.

You roll your eyes, grinning. "I'm about to start stream, so it won't be for much longer. Just wait for my cue, yeah?"

Tommy grumbles, but shuts up. You take that as your chance to start the stream, switching it off your waiting screen and waving to the camera. Your chosen stream title has brought in a bit more than your usual casual steam view number, "Talking about some serious stuff," leading people to believe there will be drama. And if it's drama they want, it's drama you'll give.

"Hello, hello!" You smile, leaning back. "So I've decided to talk about some things. Namely, the Twitter shit. I am so sorry for everything, and I mean that. A lot. Sincerely. There's meaning in it."

Tommy snorts, and from the corner of your eye you catch Wilbur kick him to shut him up.

"What am I sorry about?" You ask rhetorically, acting like you read it off of chat. "Oh, you know. People have been saying all types of stuff. The things about me manipulating my friends?" There's a pause while you let that sink in. "So, I'm sorry."

It's a purposefully shitty apology, but you sigh and act like its heartfelt for a few moments, nodding towards chat. Their messages are mostly confused, especially because it isn't one emote-only.

"Sorry you guys are so gullible!" You shout, and Tommy practically tackles you.

Wilbur's the one to fix your chair, Ranboo and Charlie appearing next to you within moments.

"You guys really thought this one could manipulate me? The master?" Charlie asks the stream, pointing at you.

"Yeah!" Tommy shouts, way too energetic for someone who complained five minutes ago about being on the floor. "We're the master manipulators! Get fooled!"

"I, for one, haven't manipulated anyone-" Ranboo starts, but Tommy slaps a hand over his mouth and nods empathetically.

"Yeah, I don't know what you guys were thinking, but I've just been playing fucking Minecraft for the past few months nonstop." You laugh.

"Nonstop. It's a problem." Wilbur nods.

"It is not a problem!" Pause. "Anyways, I made an SMP! And that's where I've been! Not because I've been manipulating my friends or some shit, stop being dumbasses."

"It'll be super cool!" Ranboo adds in helpfully.

"These four-"

"That's us!" Charlie points around at himself, Wilbur, Tommy, and Ranboo.

"-will be on it, plus a lot more. It'll be posting those people soon! As in, check your Twitter obsessively guys! The SMP will be in about a month, too, so get fucking excited! I want to see some hype!"

"WOO!" Tommy screams, making everyone cringe at having their eardrums ruptured.

"So that's all I wanted to talk about I think. Anything to add, guys?" You glance around at the four surrounding you with a grin.

"One thing." Charlie nods, leaning in really close. "I have a secret. This SMP, it's actually-" He hits your end stream button mid-sentence. "And that's how you keep 'em interested."

Ycgmaenthusist NEW SMP NEW SMP NEW SMP NEW SMP

Mammalianeighingreflecenthusiest We are dumb as fuck aren’t we

Poabsenthusiest i will RIOT IN THE STREETS if any of yall be mean to MY STREAMER -> Cmwylenthusist FR I GOT TWO FISTS AND A CAUSE

#dsmp #mcyt #mcyt imagine #tommyinnit x reader #tommyinnit x you #wilbur soot x reader #tommyinnit #wilbur soot x you #wilbur soot #ranboo x reader #ranboo imagine #ranboo mcyt #ranboo #ranboolive #charlie slimecicle #charlie slimesicle x reader

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galaxynajma · 19 days

Text

How different Isagi ships would react to Isagi’s birthday

For isagi’s birthday I wanna do something silly and write some headcanons on how different some Yoichi ships would do to celebrate his birthday!

This was gonna have more than three ships originally but I didn’t have any ideas for them 😔 and didn’t want them to all feel similar

All of these will be short and hopefully sweet

Bachisagi:

Bachira is overjoyed by the fact that its his favorite person’s birthday today

He has the day planned out already . They’ll go to the park after eating breakfast. Walk around enjoy the scenery and then they enjoy a big picnic with Isagi’s cake ( that Bachira baked himself) for dessert!

there’s only one problem…. How will he wake Isagi up?

Bachira can’t be his normally loud self when waking Isagi up he has to do something special for his birthday!

After 5 minutes of Bachira just standing there staring at Isagi sleeping he finally wakes up on his own

Bachira panics a little and then immediately jumps Isagi . Downing the birthday boy with kisses and hugs

Isagi can’t think of a better way to start his morning than being bombarded by kisses from his happy little bumblebee

Kaisagi:

Isagi woke up feeling a little refreshed and a little happy with the fact that it’s his birthday

But his mood immediately gets ruined when the first thing he sees when waking up is Kaiser in all his naked glory

" happy birthday Yoichi " Kaiser says in a sinfully tone with a stupid smile on his face

" Oh don’t look so pissed off already you know how much some people would pay to see the Michael Kaiser naked on their birthday? " the only thing Kaiser gets from Isagi as a reply is a side eye . Trying his best to keep his eyes at Kaiser’s face

" whatever. Today is all about you! Which is why I’m gonna take you out to spoil you <3 "Kaiser says with a big smile on his face… god Isagi wants to punch him so bad… with his lips

"Let’s get this over with " Isagi said trying to act more annoyed than he actually is

Isagi would be lying if he said he isn’t a little interested on what Kaiser has planned for them today

" what? Are we not gonna have some fun first " Kaiser teased adding a wink to make it worse

‘God I hate love him so much ‘

Isagi thought as he thrown the nearest pillow at Kaiser’s face

…

True to his word Kaiser does spoil him with going to the mall first thing and immediately going to the luxury brands stores in the mall

Getting shorts that are too short shirts that are too tight

the best part has yet to come

At some point they were in a fancy Japanese restaurant eating dinner when Kaiser suddenly pulled out a small red box from out of nowhere

" here’s your real birthday present Yoichi "

Isagi took the tiny box from Kaiser’s hand and opened it with a skeptical look on his face

When he opened Isagi let out a little gasp at what the box contains

Inside was a gold chained necklace with a beautiful blue rose at the end

" now we can match " Kaiser interrupted isagi’s thoughts as he looks at the necklace in awe

" since when were you so cheesy Micha" Isagi said with a smirk as he holds the jewel up to his neck

" oh shut up you clown you’re lucky it’s your birthday "

Isaness:

" are the pancakes up to your liking Yoichi?" Ness asked with his head slightly tilted " it’s the first time I’ve tried this recipe"

" hm what? " Isagi mumbled . He cant focus on anything with the piece of heaven in his mouth that is in the form of sweet warm pancakes

" I asked if you liked your birthday pancakes " Ness giggled a little after saying that

" oh! They’re great! More than great they’re the best pancakes I’ve ever eaten in my whole life! Thanks Lex " Isagi’s voice still a little mumbled with his mouth full

Ness giggle a little more after hearing that . Happy to hear that his little Yoichi is enjoying his breakfast

" got any ideas of what to do on your birthday Yoichi?"Ness smiled with hearts in his eyes as he watched the love of his life absolutely devour his pancakes with no mercy

‘ it’s crazy to think that two years ago I wanted to skin him alive ‘ Ness thought as Isagi downed the last of his orange drink

" OH! Well I actually don’t know .. " Isagi replied as he circled his finger around the rim of his cup

Well we can do anything you want today. I’m at your service " Ness said as he grabbed some napkins to wip Isagi’s face with

" Lex stop " Isagi protested against Ness’s napkin assault on his face while giggling " honestly… you being here is enough already "

" OH" Ness’s eyes widened. He wasn’t expecting that response " re- really? "

" Yeah … Alexis you being with me is all that I could ever need . You don’t have to do something luxurious be in my service for my birthday. You’re all that i could ever ask for "

Ness was speechless. He was expecting for Isagi to say he wanted to go to an aquarium or a fancy dinner… not this … oh god he’s almost as red as the strawberries that were on Isagi’s plate

" actually.. " Isagi suddenly said making Ness’s thoughts pause " We could watch My Neighbor Totoro together. That’s what my parents did for me on my birthday

" of- of course! Anything for you Yoichi " Ness exclaimed

" Thanks Lex .. I love you "

" Love you too happy birthday Yoichi "

#blue lock #bllk #happy birthday Isagi!#bluelock #isagi yoichi #yoichi isagi #bachira meguru #meguru bachira #alexis ness #ness alexis #michael kaiser #kaiser michael #bachisagi #isabachi #Kaisagi #isakai #nessagi #isaness #kiis

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eneablack · 1 year

Text

I SHIFTED 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 AVATAR DR

The last few times I shifted were only with intention but this time I also said affirmations that grounded me in that reality (for example: "I am ene'ya te kalin satkie'itan” , “I live in Pandora”, “I am a na'vi”, etc…), and I went to sleep with the mentality that I was already there in Pandora.

I took notes right after I came back btw so everything was still fresh in my mind, then I added it all together and I tried to make a storytime as detailed as I can. I probably don’t remember well all the things but I tried my best to make everything accurate to what happened.

Okay so let me start.

I had scripted that Lo'ak would wake me up but that didn't happen, instead when I opened my eyes (I don't know what time it was because we don't keep track of time with clocks there) i got kind of scared because I found myself with my face squashed in a hammock so I could see everything from a big height and thought I could fall at any moment. This time I immediately realized that I had shifted because 1. I scripted it and 2. everything was too different, starting from the environment (forest) and ending on myself (literally blue), but I didn't even feel strong emotions like in the other shifts idk why, I was already used to being there as if I've always been there (in that reality it's obvious that I've always been there but you know what I mean).

As I was getting up I was told something like “you finally woke up, we thought you were dead” or something like that because it was said in Na'vi (now that I’m back I think its so weird that I knew and was used to a completely different language). Anyway, in the end it was Tuk who had spoken and she was standing next to a surface of worked wood with stuff on it that looked like exotic fruit. When I got up from the hammock for a moment it was strange to feel so huge (and semi-naked lol) and blue, but this too was super normal so I didn't think about it much.

There around the table, besides Tuk, were my father and one of my sisters and everything immediately became normal, I got back the memories and knowledge of that reality and I had the feeling that this reality was now a distant memory, or a dream, and it was there instead that I belonged. Tuk was at our place because she wanted to have breakfast with us, so then we started eating these seeds which were called pxorna and a type of fruit which name I don't remember, then there was also the spartan fruit which I think was the one from the first film (which Jake tastes for the first time in his new body). My mother and my other sister had gone hunting since I had woken up late, meanwhile then I decided to take Tuk back to her family and bro, I expected to be super excited to meet the rest of the Sully family but instead it was normal like everything else 😭 (now that I'm back here I've been freaking out the whole time that is, I still don't realize but okay).

Neytiri is fucking beautiful btw, and Jake is ethereal irl and is much more patient with the children since the sky people wasn’t there yet. Kiri is like in the movie I have nothing to add, she is nice to me but she is very sarcastic. Lo'ak is quite a kid lmao, even though he's in his 20s he acted a bit annoying and rebellious just because (obviously I love Lo'ak but I'm just describing how he was there, I’m not judging him) but still he was my best friend and i have to say we were very similar now that i think back on it.

Neteyam on the other hand.. bro, the most annoying person in the world, I’LL EXPLAIN RIGHT AWAY don't attack me. Practically, clever as I am, I scripted an enemies to lovers with him, not considering that actually in the "enemies" phase we would have been "enemies" and I have to say okay: it's not that we hated each other or were really enemies, but we kind of couldn't stand not even breathe the same air. He still always had that protective older brother personality and was kind/available to everyone BUT NOT WITH ME, I really pissed him off 😭 but it was mutual so yea. In fact, when he saw me bring Tuk back he snorted and changed seats so I remember that I kind of teased him about it but I don't remember exactly what I said to him.

Later I went out with Lo'ak and we went to get the ikrans because he wanted to go to Tsireya and wanted me to accompany him lmao because they weren't really together yet so he was shy. We had another friend called Nìmäng (he isn’t in the movies), and he was much more serious than us; I don't know how he could be our friend but somehow it worked because he balanced our non-seriousness. In short, we took the ikrans (mine is called Zeswavi) and y’all, it's a one of a kind experience, you feel the wind stinging your skin and you perceive in your body everything the ikran is feeling, then don't make fun of me but you also feel invincible, it's so incredible (I recommend you to shift there just to experience this thing).

When we arrived in Awa'atlu (I scripted that it's only 10 minutes flight away because I'm smart) it was just spectacular, it looked like the Maldives🧍🏼 but much much better. So, now I want you to trust me when I say that I had to hold back not to jump on Tonowari, that man is irresistible and so mighty irl, I can't do it lorddd. Ronal didn't like me that much and frankly I'm afraid it was because she saw me drooling over her husband. Tsireya is lovely, the kindest person there I must say, as well as Rotxo. Ao'nung on the other hand.. an infernal beast, literally; he’s cool I mean, but he was really annoying, he liked to tease me and provoke me every 5 minutes, but I responded by hitting him so it was all balanced.

The rest of the day was spent swimming with the ilus, playing a kind of ping pong with barks and also fishing at some point, which would have been very boring if it weren't for Ao'nung who, although annoying, is really funny. Later Kiri and Tuk also joined us, Neteyam as well, with whom I had a fight because I hit him on the head with the fishing net (it was actually hilarious). Before the eclipse we went back to the forest and brought back some of the fish we had caught, my mother cooked it and wrapped it in seaweed and it was all so good man.

We then all gathered around a bonfire and sang songs, other na'vis sang and some danced, it was truly magical. For a moment I stared at Neteyam because, even if I couldn't stand him, he was really beautiful under the firelight, but when he saw me he said like "what are you looking at, skxawng?" (“idiot”) so I insulted him and started ignoring him again lol.

At night I decided to shift here again because the experience was so beautiful that I wanted to tell everyone about it.

Thanks for reading this all <3 go shift!

#shifting realities #shifting stories #shifting to avatar #shifting #success story #shifting to pandora #avatar #avatar the way of water #shifted

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dracowars · 1 year

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Hi!! Can i request a Draco Malfoy x Reader, where the reader notices Draco starting to act suspicious. And being his girlfriend, he'd normally tell her anything and everything. But he'd been hiding something. So she confronts him. And after much much prodding from her, he finally spills his secret and shows her the dark mark on his arm. And he gets nervous and she tells him that she'd get it to if it meant that he'd be completely himself again. (I've just really been wanting a evil, villainous couple.)

forever, you and me | draco malfoy

pairing: draco x reader

word count: 1,1k

summary: where draco reveals the dark mark to y/n

a/n: i loved writing this, i hope you enjoy reading <3 reblogs and feedbacks are always appreciated!

warnings: angst, cursing, a bit toxic

universe: harry potter

“I can’t help you if you don’t finally tell me what’s going on, Draco!”, you raise your voice unintentionally, but somehow intentional because otherwise the message does not seem to get through to him at all. It has been like this for weeks, he keeps acting weird, not like himself as if he had been replaced by an empty, emotionless shell, and every time you bring this up, he brushes you off like it is nothing. Not only are you incredibly frustrated at this point, but you are also angry. You know that something is bothering him so much that he does not even dare to talk to you about it, although you used to tell each other everything.

In the meantime, it worries you so much that you feel physically and mentally ill. You haven’t closed your eyes at night ever since you woke up one night, after sneaking into Draco’s room, and he disappeared in the middle of the night, gone somewhere only he knows. The next morning, he did not even think to apologize to you when you saw him in the Great Hall. That was the first time you really realized that something was terribly wrong.

It hurts that he does not confide in you, but it pains you even more that he is suffering, and you can’t help him because he just won’t let you near him anymore. You can say whatever you want, you can do whatever you want, but he ignores you like you do not even exist, like you are not the one person who could potentially help him. You would do anything for him, and you thought he knew that. Which does not seem to be the case, which is why you are not sorry for the cruel words you are now spitting at him.

“So you’re back to playing the arrogant asshole everyone thinks you are, hm?”, you provoke him furiously, not allowing him to treat you like this anymore. “If that’s the case, then I don’t want to be with you anymore either, Draco. I can’t keep running after you only for you to push me away over and over again!”

“You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, Y/N. Just stay out of it”, Draco replies, visibly annoyed by your words. What you do not know, however, is that your words hit him hard and for a few seconds he actually forgets how to breathe as his heart contracts painfully. He can’t help himself, he does not know what to do either.

“I would fucking do anything for you, Draco, ANYTHING! What does it take to get that into the thick skull of yours?!”, you practically yell at him now, reproachfully pressing your index finger against his chest with every word. The way he pulls away from you, the way he takes so many steps back until his back is against the wall of his room like he is trying to escape from you, breaks your heart. But since it was broken before anyway, you do not feel the pain at that moment.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!”, you command and look at him intently, but his eyes remain fixed on the ground. He lets you yell at him as much as you want, but he still won’t tell you anything.

“Leave me alone”, Draco murmurs so softly you can barely hear it. When he turns to escape the room, you grab his arm and stop him from leaving. As soon as you touch him, however, he flinches, almost in pain, and yanks his arm away from you with so much force that the momentum causes you to take a step towards him.

It is in that moment when you see Draco’s tear-filled eyes that you know no one will leave this room without unraveling this secret that has been destroying the both of you for so long.

“Draco, babe. Please tell me what’s wrong”, you ask him again, this time very calmly and so carefully that you even startle yourself at how quickly your mood can change. “I only want to help you. It’s me, Y/N. You remember? Forever, we said.”

Draco, who is holding the arm you just touched protectively against his chest, is now looking directly at you, and for a brief moment you think you see the darkness within his eyes being pushed aside by light. You would do anything in your power to take all the pain and suffering away from him, transferring all of it to yourself so he does not have to endure it any longer.

“You wouldn’t be able to look at me anymore”, Draco murmurs sadly, cupping his wrist in his hand like he is in excruciating pain.

“What nonsense are you talking about? You know I will always be by your side”, you softly whisper and take another step towards his trembling figure. “No matter what it is, I will stay with you. I promise. I love you, Draco, and I can’t handle this uncertainty any longer.”

Nervously, his eyes meet yours, alternating between them as he fiddles with the hem of his white shirt, buttoning and unbuttoning the sleeve. You take this as a sign that you are allowed to come closer, which you do. Tenderly putting your hand on his shoulder, you look at his hands.

“Show me.”

You could not have guessed that Draco looks away at your words as he rolls up the sleeve of his shirt and reveals his skin to you, as if he were infinitely ashamed of what he is now showing you. What he is revealing to you here and now makes you stagger briefly, but the fear that is clearly visible in his face causes you to control your emotions. He needs you. So much like he never did before.

Not knowing what to say, how best to convince him that you will stay by his side even though this horrible tattoo adorns his forearm, you express what comes to your mind first.

“If it means that you will be your true self again, then I want to be a part of it, too.”

The shock, but also the slight relief that breaks across Draco’s features, immediately tells you what you have to do from now on. You can also see him struggling with himself, however, for not wanting to pull you into this mess, but your decision was made the moment he revealed the truth. That is why, when he wants to say something, you softly put your finger on his lips to silence him. Looking deep into his beautiful eyes, you can almost hear his heartbeat as loud as yours, not able to suppress a tiny smile.

“Forever, as I promised.”

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littlemisslipbalm · 8 months

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Demonology

Part 3: I Think There's Something You Should Know

Series Summary: A new demon has come to Nashville. Josh and Jake's ways of life have been thrown off by her arrival. The angel and demon have lived with an understanding of one another, but with Y/N stirring up trouble and asking questions, they're forced to work out a new normal. And why is she so powerful for a human turned demon anyway, that's unusual, right?

A/N: Hiiiii! Part 3 is here. Keep adding yourself to the taglist or catch up on the rest of the parts from the masterpost. I think this story is looking like maybe 6 parts...we'll see. oh boy lots of plot in this lol enjoy hopefully and lmk what you think :)

Chapter Summary: Two demons walk into a bar and an angel greets them. What on Earth could they be talking about? There's actually no good punchline to this.

Word Count: 4.0 k | Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, horny demons and angel, 18+ maybe some brief descriptions/mentions of sex - still no explicit smut (next chapter tho...), dubious understanding of demonology in reality

Taglist | Series Masterpost

Part 3: I Think There's Something You Should Know

The wind rustling her drapes woke her up in the middle of one evening when she hadn’t gone out or seen anyone beside Rori all day. It had been a good day.

The moon was almost full and was one of two lights illuminating the street below the window behind her bed. She didn’t have to sleep anymore, but she still liked to. She stared out hazily for a moment and hurriedly closed the window, feeling a human sense of nerves and dread before calming down, remembering that the things that went bump in the night were now scared of her.

Jake had been teaching her ways to skirt Hell’s system. How to get the job done without doing much. Which she was thankful for. And she’d finally run into Josh briefly a few times, but not as many as she’d like. Not for as long as she’d like. She knew he was keeping his distance. ‘Avoiding temptation.’ That’s what Jake always said when she asked after Josh.

Tonight, she was annoyed the wind had woken her. Her dream had been extra sweet tonight. Josh had sought her out, giving her sweet gifts and feather kisses all with the backdrop of the Sunset Strip. The warm sheets were kind of like his warm chest beneath his clothes.

The next night, the night of the true full moon, Jake was at her door. He knocked when the moon had reached its peak for the evening.

Jake had also kept his distance in the way that mattered since that first night together. He had deemed it a moment of drunken vulnerable weakness not to be repeated. It only happened because she’d whispered his favorite fucking poem in his ear—how weak was he? Practically human in that moment. He didn’t bring it up and she felt the heaviness of his silence when she had joked about the hook up the next time she’d seen him. He was to be her mentor only.

Leaning against the doorframe, an arm on his hip and his wide-brimmed hat on his head, he spoke lowly. “Come out with me.”

She can’t see his eyes, just his lips and jaw moving.

“I’m not at your beck and call,” She rolled her eyes, a defiant crossed arm look staring back at him. A black tank top and sleep shorts sat low on her hips, she was happy to get wine drunk in her home now that she knew she didn’t need to go out all the time.

He leveled his head with her, making eye contact now. “Come.”

“I’m not a dog.” She remained unmoved. Rori slinked around her legs, sniffing at Jake unamusedly. The actual dog had had to warm up to Jake these last few weeks and Rori was begrudgingly okay with him since he could feel the power the demon exuded.

Jake rolled his eyes and greeted the dog. “Don’t growl at me. I didn’t even bring my familiar…”

Rori had not been a fan of Jake’s crow that he kept around. Y/N wouldn’t even deem it a familiar since he was really only around so Jake could shapeshift into a bird if he really wanted but Jake insisted they were close. Sure.

After a minute of heavy silence, Jake got the final word. The stare down not really going anywhere. He flashed his yellow eyes and she hated how it made her fall in line. Jake’s true nature was malevolent despite his serene facade he often operated under. She didn’t want to ever see him truly angry with her. She’d seen glimpses of it during some of their outings together. It wasn’t anything like the man she had seen inside his mind.

“I’m your mentor. Be a good mentee. Go get dressed.”

She got dressed, grumbling the whole time to Rori and forcing Jake to wait outside as she blasted Fleetwood Mac—for some reason, Jake’s least favorite band from her time. He rolled his eyes as he heard Stevie Nicks’ voice turned up to a fever-pitch.

“Jake.” Y/N sniffed as she pushed past him out of her door. “Altar boy name, by the way.”

He chuckled under his breath and shook his head, falling in step with her and locking her door with a flick of his hand when he noticed she had forgotten.

When they arrived at this unfamiliar almost empty room that Jake refused to give her information on, her eyes cast around taking it all in with a vigilance she’d never applied as a human. Now she liked to know her exits, note any potential men who might try and cause her trouble, potential targets, etc.

It was an old dark and gloomy bar, lined with wood that had been worn down by glasses and hands over many years. It seemed it had been loved once, now a shell of its former self. Maybe 10 people in total in the entire tired place.

A bright light cast in the corner that caught her eye after a moment. Josh. He was perched on a chair at a four-top, patiently tapping his fingers along the table, nodding his head to the live music from a lone guitarist.

He glowed like anything but no one else seemed to notice. Maybe it was just for her. She thought about asking Jake if he could see the glow. His bright white long sleeve tonight fell over him, perfectly fitted and pushed up to his elbows. The same blue jeans on his legs that she dreamed about feeling beneath her thighs every other night or so.

She wet her lips, watching his angelic face, eyes shut nodding to the melodies. His lips slightly parted and she missed them. How soft and sweet they’d been when she’d licked into his mouth, giving him the show of his life. Forget that. She needed to be cool. She straightened her posture, looking like a killer about to pounce on her prey.

Jake cleared his throat, watching Sal watching Josh, looking jealous that she looked at his brother with more desire than she did with himself. Not that he actually cared. She was his mentee.

She rolled her eyes at him and followed him over to the table.

“Brother,” Jake spoke first, hands leaving his pockets to grip the back of one of the chairs.

Josh smiled, standing, and touched his brother gently on the shoulder, “Jake.”

Then a silence fell between the three of them. Who was going to be the first to acknowledge her? She stood exactly between the angel and the demon and she wished that Hell’s mouth would open up beneath her feet and swallow her whole. Rori could stay on Earth if he wanted, she didn’t even care so long as whatever the tension was passing between them stopped right this instant.

She widened her eyes and opened her mouth to greet Josh before losing her nerve. “I’m gonna go get a drink!”

“You don’t have to do–” Jake starts, but she’s already disappeared in a flash of crimson and black.

Jake raised his brows at Josh while blush crept up the angel’s face and ears, the two men sat. Y/N knocked back two shots on her own at the bar while waiting for three beers. She didn’t know what they wanted and she didn’t care. Beer would have to do.

“So,” She drawled, attempting a more cool and collected approach now that she was back. Afterall, she was a demon who was meant to thrive in situations with sexual partners. She knew how to be cool around people she was attracted to–except, what didn’t come easy to her was behaving normally around someone she actually might potentially teensy weensy care about. She didn’t even want to think that it might be two someones. Especially when her heart was supposedly dead.

She huffs a slick smile onto her lips, slinking into her chair evilly placed between them with the beers. “What are we all doing here? A Celestial+ Committee meeting? Immortals anonymous…bit of a problem, though,” She leans forward and whispers. “I think we all know each other?”

“Sal,” Josh starts, his tone measured. He was trying to be kind, but she felt the tightness in his throat.

Jake flashed his eyes to the angel, a warning. He set his hat on the table, making it crowded with the three glasses.

She settled into the uncomfortable chair, widening her legs and taking a gulp of the beer. Her top might as well have been nonexistent, the deep red lace sheer and showing off her torso and breasts. The black tight vinyl pants caused both beings to flicker their eyes to her movement as she pushed her hips towards them. Josh cleared his throat and averted his eyes, taking a grounding sip of the pale ale she’d gotten for him.

“We’re here,” Jake starts, giving an unamused look to her as she wiggled her hips and smirked in triumph. “Cut it out, sometimes the slut schtick isn’t cute. We have something real to talk about, Sal.” He widened his glowing yellow eyes at her and she sat up, immediately shrinking again. Just as she was feeling more confident, his accusatory eyes scared the absolute shit out of her.

Josh shot a look at his demon counterpart, unhappy with the word he had just used, even if it was to describe the demon who had led him into temptation. He had been repenting for the last three months, bathing in holy water twice as often, and an extra time whenever his mind wandered to Y/N and what she’d shown him.

“We need to find out why you’re so powerful. Who you are.” Josh says calmly.

“I told you already.” She insisted. “Why does it matter anyway?”

“Okay, well maybe you don’t realize this but the way you’re treated down in Hell is not normal,” Jake sneers condescendingly.

“What he means,” Josh intervenes again. “Is that, perhaps, you don’t know who you really are either. We’re worried…”

“No!” She immediately shoots forward, eyes blazing with hellfire.

“C’mon Sal, you know how fucking powerful you are. That’s not normal! You’re not normal!” Jake doesn’t sound smug anymore, he sounds a little…scared. He didn’t like not knowing.

Josh reaches a hand out to Jake’s shoulder, his touch somehow calming even though an angel’s touch should’ve been repulsive to a demon.

“Listen, Sal,” Josh smiles, trying to bring peace to this strange situation. “Nothing is going to change. It’s okay to be scared, but Jake is right. You are far too powerful for even a run-of-the-mill average demon and you believe you were a human turned demon. You’d have even less powers then.”

She gulps at her beer, more than half-way through it. “Why does it matter? Why do you two care?”

Another silence falls between them. The tension returns and she can tell there’s something they’re not telling her.

“Fucking tell me,” She spits. “Or I’ll…I’ll, fucking…I don’t know, I’ll fucking kill everyone in here. Since I’m so fucking powerful.”

“There’s not that many people in here, Sal. You wouldn’t really be making much of a point…” Jake shrugs. “Also, why would I care?”

“Because I know you, Jacob,” She seethes, staring darkly into his eyes. Her eyes had been black since the hellfire had left them, she was in defense mode. “Should I share with Josh what I found in your mind the other night?”

Jake sat up straight and instantly Y/N’s mouth was shut. Not by a look, but by Jake’s powers. It felt like he was crushing her windpipe. His voice was in her head. ‘Do not say another fucking word. How dare you. You promised.’ She immediately felt meek and her humanity seeped back into her. Regular eyes flickering back to life, she slumped in on herself, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort. She was scared too.

Josh watched the interaction, only seeing the physicality of their two bodies change. He looked up to the ceiling, lord give him strength and please don’t let anyone die tonight. “We think you might be a cambion.” He rushes it out before he loses the nerve or before Jake stops him.

She stays silent, staring up at the angel with red-rimmed eyes–not technically demonic, simply because she had begun to cry and she wasn’t allowing the tears to fall. Jake grunts unhappily and finishes off his beer, getting up to get a refill and pointedly telling them not to discuss further until he returned.

He came back five minutes later, silent and nodded his head gruffly for them to continue. She stares between the angel and demon again, confused and upset with both of them.

“What does that mean?” She asks, her voice soft and child-like, shaking slightly. Had her whole life been a lie? It couldn’t be possible. Why did they want to flip her life upside down or sideways or something? This second life was already confusing enough without an identity crisis.

“It means you were half-human, half-demon in your first life.” Josh speaks softly, barely strong enough to keep himself from pulling her fragile body into his own just to attempt to comfort her. He knew how scared she must be, he’d seen people crumble through history at the realization of their lives being built on lies. “Usually cambion are offspring of an incubus or a succubus and a human.”

“That would explain your special treatment in Hell,” Jake interjects, feeling more subdued after walking it off and two shots of ‘Jamo’ himself. “But it doesn’t explain the powers. At least, not fully. It’d have to be an ancient–older than us–and powerful one to have been one of your parents and that’s just almost unheard of, even 70 years ago.”

“Okay….” She tries to absorb the information, eyes still flitting between the two figures before her, feeling a weird sense of unreality that had never happened to her. Given all the weird shit that had happened to her since dying, it was surprising this was so hard.

“That’s why we wanted to talk to you about it. See if you knew anything or could think about anything abnormal about, maybe, your upbringing or parents.” Josh tries, even gently soothing his hand over the one Y/N had shakily rested on the tabletop. “Anything at all.”

Jake’s eyes watched them. The way her body relaxed at Josh’s touch. How her eyes sparkled as she looked from their touching skin to Josh’s face. Even her smile was softer with Josh. Josh’s eyes were aglow as well, an angelic white instead of a black pupil.

“Okay,” She says, looking between Jake and Josh again, feeling calmer but also, admittedly, terrified for the first time since she’d been back. “Can I think about it for a few days? I don’t think I’ll come up with anything with you two staring me down right now.”

She didn’t understand why it mattered to Jake and Josh still but the amount of energy and emotion running through her had made her forget momentarily. Her mind was like static, the thoughts running into one another and jumbling until nothing was coherent.

“Yeah, of course,” Josh moves his hand to rub over her back. He couldn’t help himself, he was a healer and a helper. Even with her. Especially with her. “Write things down as they come to you. It might help.”

“Whatever,” Jake rolled his eyes, downing his beer and heading for a third. He needed to be drunk and as a demon it took a lot more work. He thought that was unfair but there wasn’t really anyone he could complain to. Maybe the big one Upstairs, but his key card didn’t work anymore.

This night had gone about exactly as he expected when Josh had continued to pester him about it. When he returned, Josh had disappeared and Jake hoped he’d left for the night. “Can we get plastered now?”

“Please,” She sighed, taking the second beer from Jake’s hands. “I need to dance and drink off this stress. Fuck you for this by the way.”

“Did Josh leave?” Jake ignores her complaint about the night, looking around. It wasn’t like he’d wanted to be here either.

She shakes her head while gulping at the beer, already moving to the dance floor that was scuffed up and empty. The live musician had left during their conversation so Jake wasn’t surprised when the old stereo turned from 2000s indie rock to 1970s hard rock. “Said he was coming back. Bathroom or something…You gonna dance with me, cowboy?”

She grinned at Jake, already pushing the anxiety of the evening away, utilizing her favorite coping mechanism: drunken debauchery.

He shook his head at her and sauntered closer, abandoning his beer and allowing her arms to rope him closer, pressing her hips into his. He hummed with mild satisfaction, staring at her down the tip of his nose. She stared up at him, thinking back to when he had tumbled in the sheets with her. How surprisingly kind and tender he had been to her and how she’d never seen it again. She wanted to see it again. She’d do anything to see it again.

She ran her hand up and down his torso, taking inventory of his warmth with teasing fingers, “You owe me. That was worse than Hell on Earth.”

Jake leans his head down, lips heavy on her ear. “I don’t owe you shit, Sal.”

She threw her head back in laughter and Jake’s arms held her waist more firmly, just to keep her from falling. Returning upright to stare into his eyes, she spoke with a saddened sort of lust. “You love talking rough to me don’t you, Jake? Just admit it.”

“It’d be a big help if you could remember your real name while you’re writing down all your feelings later.” Jake ignores her again, allowing himself to drift his hands over the curves of her ass as she sways against him. He indulges in how the press of her breasts into his chest feels and the intoxicating scent of her perfume as he traces his nose up her throat and over her jaw.

She whines against him. “Just shut up and kiss me if you won’t fuck me right now. I need a distraction.”

Jake chuckles darkly, his eyes casting around the room as he tightens his grip again making her hum with a grin on her face. “You’d like that wouldn’t you, little one? In front of an audience? Sick little freak.”

She looks down for a moment, a flicker of shame at Jake’s condescending voice before she feels the energy seeping off of him. He desired it too. She wasn’t the only sick freak.

Jake makes eye contact with Josh at the edge of the dancefloor. The angel had been watching for the last few moments after returning from wherever he had disappeared to. He shifts his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

Jake decides to lean down as Y/N leans up with parted lips, awaiting his touch. He teases her, licking his tongue out past his lips but not quite touching hers. She breathes out a whine and pulls his head closer by the back of his neck and he obliges, sinking his tongue into her mouth. She melts into him.

Josh watches on still. He can’t tear his eyes away, how their bodies snake around one another so perfectly. How she fits into him, how Jake has no problem claiming her body, touching her and alighting her skin with desire. Josh shuts his eyes for a moment. He wants to leave, he knows he should’ve walked out the door and not come back, but he can’t. She’s still here and he hasn’t seen her in so long. He knew it was a sin to be consorting with her, but, Jesus, he was already there, what was another hour or two of it?

She pulled back from Jake’s lips, chest heaving for air that Jake didn’t seem to need. He smirked and licked his lips, moving his hand away from the back of her delicate neck.

“C’mon, let’s go back to my place.” She tries. Her hand tightens in the collar of his shirt, needing this to make her forget her distress.

Jake shakes his head. “I’ll dance with you and I’ll kiss you till you drop, but we’re not doing that again. Never again.”

She twirled a piece of his hair that had come free from his low bun. “Why not? We had a lot of fun.”

“Too much fun.” He removes her hands from himself, beginning to step away. It wasn’t the fun he was worried about, it was the feeling. “I’ll see you soon, kid.”

“Fuck you, Jake.” Anger masks the painful stab to her heart, or whatever it was that felt inside her still, at his rejection. Kid.

“Keep dreaming,” He winks, turning on his heel and patting Josh’s chest as he goes to make his exit. “She’s all yours. Nice and fired up. Good fucking luck, brother.” He plucked his hat from the abandoned table, strutting out of the bar and disappearing instantly, as if he’d never been there in the first place. Except he had and she was pissed.

“Thanks,” Josh murmurs under his breath, eyes downcast. He stops Y/N from running after Jake with a hand around her waist when she went to move past him, knowing that whatever fight she tried to start wouldn’t end well.

“Hey, hey, hey,” He gets her attention, the fury fading from her eyes with one look at Josh. “It’s okay. You don’t want to fight him tonight. You’ve got a lot on your mind and it’ll only come to no good.”

“No good is what I’m supposed to do,” She stomps her foot, petulantly but resigning to Josh’s hold. The drunken debauchery wasn’t going well and she was starting to feel depleted and depressed. An identity crisis, one rejection and likely another on the horizon with the way Josh was looking at her.

She felt herself beginning to cry again. This time she couldn’t stop the tears.

“Oh, god,” Josh whispered quickly, ushering himself and the demon to the sidewalk outside of the bar. The darkness of the night would cover up the sight that would raise human eyebrows. “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry. Please.” His voice is soft, feathery and concerned. Pleading.

“What’s the point? Why’d they even send me here? Who am I?” She wailed, her eyes streaming tears of blood. “Why the fuck do I cry blood? This is so unfair!”

Josh wanted to curse Jake, but he knew he was already eternally damned so it really wouldn’t do anything. He shushed the crying demon who really just looked like a young drunk girl except for the red tears. Josh held her as she sobbed, blood staining his white shirt. It didn’t matter to him. He offered soothing words to her and eventually, after back rubs and deep breath exercises, she pulled it together.

“You can come see me whenever you need, Sal. How’s that?” Josh offers as he rubs soothing patterns across her clammy back.

She wiped at her face and her hair that was now all over the place. “Thanks, Josh. Thank you for being kind to me. Even though…I am who I am.”

“Of course,” Josh’s voice is full of emotion. He couldn’t help it. She needed him. “Take care. I’ll see you soon.”

She nodded and sniffed, holding her head high again, the bloody tracks on her face looking horrifying in the dark light but Josh tried for a hopeful smile. She waved and then she was gone, disappearing into the dark and empty night. Jake must have taught her his trick.

She’s not sure what made her decide what she did next. But she was a little drunk and confused and dejected and needy for attention. Rori was asleep on her hardwood floor when she walked in the door, dead to the world till the sun came up hours from now. So after 30 seconds in the empty silent apartment she turned back around, leaving again.

to be continued

taglist: @ofthecaravel @gretavanfreaky @sinarainbows @jaketlove @mysticalstarcatcher @whiterosekiszka @sacredjake @beingextraisfun @malany-gvf @joshysgirl

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