#adhd women

[turns-out-its-adhd]

My therapist told me I am 'very self-aware' and I was like 'ok, and how do I make that stop?'

smbc-comics.com

[ineedfairypee]

My whole life is a series of side quests

[groovybeachgurl]

this might just be a me thing but does anyone else struggle to like. open their mail because they’re afraid of being in trouble??

is this common amongst other neurodivergent people???

help??!?

[ajgrey9647]

Frigging ADD meds

[adhd-creativity]

ADHD and Gender

I've just thought about how possibly gender doesn't necessarily inherently change the way ADHD affects us (for example, articles stating that adhd makes men more hyperactive than women). But society and how we've been socialised from infants to align with our assigned gender most definitely does.

Example- my male colleague, I'll call him Ben, has combined type adhd just like me (innatentive and hyperactive). It's a lot more 'obvious' with him- he talks loudly about his interests, bounces around the room, and today he's left the staffroom distracted by something work-related. He's left a used mug, glass, and a dirty tuppaware out on the shared table.

My other colleagues complain about Ben to me- they feel safe doing this as I pass so easily as 'normal'. They call him inconsiderate and someone calls him gross. And I think privately to myself, I would so easily have done that too, but I'm too hyper-aware of the shame, the gossiping of everyone around me.

I also know- in a public space you can't leave your used things out on the table. Even if it's really hard to keep track of and not do accidentally. I know I am expected to be tidy (especially in public) and consider everyone around me at all times, even if it negatively affects me.

They don't know about when I hid a growing pile of used mugs and plates in my little office space until people started complaining things were missing, how I complained with them (lol). They don't know that I stayed super late one shift and filled a bag with the mugs and plates and sneaked them into the kitchen to wash, clanking guiltily as I went, having to soak and scrub them for more than an hour.

I don't know Ben's personal history, but maybe he grew up not being told to constantly keep on top of his own mess and chores. Maybe that's women's work. Or maybe he had a modern thinking family who encouraged him to take up the space he needed (not shrink yourself down, make room for boys that need that space) and to not care what others thought of him. Maybe they were annoyed by him leaving cups and plates and making a mess, but Ben's a boy, and boys are allowed to be messy.

Maybe Ben has been enouraged to speak loudly and proudly about his interests all his life, so now he tells people about them. Maybe he's never been told to be quiet, to not think so highly of himself, to let others talk first.

I don't know Ben- I just know that he's had a very different experience of the world than I have, even if we both do share ADHD.

And because he's maybe had the chance to be who he is, loud and chatty and chaotic, without society telling him to be quiet, smaller, neater - maybe thats why people like Ben get diagnosed when they are 8 years old. Maybe that's why I didn't get diagnosed until 30- after years of pushing and having to fight my case.

What do people think? I'd love to hear some other perspectives on this

(Disclaimer- this is not meant to be gender essentialist or man-hating. I think gender is a construct and although I've been socialised as a woman, I am non-binary. Also I am not a health care professional these are just my thoughts lol )

[totisviribus]

An ADHD Morning

I set seven alarms so I don't oversleep. I couldn't sleep last night because I was researching ancient Rome on Wikipedia until 2am so I am bleary tired. My coffee maker is moldy from last week's brew and I don't even consider cleaning it, I just know that I won't be having coffee this morning.

I forgot to shower the night before, but now I don't have enough time to do it this morning, I got up too late. I use dry shampoo and hope my hair doesn't look greasy (it does). I scrape it into a messy pony tail that will give me a migraine but it's the only way it looks acceptable. My finger nails are stumps of dried blood because I picked at them all night. The inside of my lip is swollen and bleeding because I couldn't stop chewing on it, thinking about how I could ruin today. My eyebrows need to be plucked. My face is covered in acne because I never remember to take my makeup off before I fall asleep.

My bedroom is a sea of clothes, piled high to obscure the wooden floors. One hamper has some clean clothes in it, I know, but I have forgotten which one. My ironing board is under the piles somewhere, but it's broken, so I'll have to try to use the anti-wrinkle spray on the sweater I fish off the floor and hope it looks okay. It's already been forty minutes, how has the time passed this way? I will be late now, no hope of arriving on time. My sweater is covered in cat hair. Where is the lint roller? I look through the piles and can't find it. I spend ten minutes looking for tape to make a make-shift lint roller and it doesn't really work.

My dresser is filled with empty makeup tubes, used makeup wipes, glasses wipes, and used lint roller sheets. I pick out the products I use and quickly do my makeup on my unclean skin.

Purse. I need my purse. Which purse did I use last? Which has my wallet in it? I walk past the piles on the floor of my apartment, past the dirty dishes, past the mound of art supplies on my desk. I find my purse on the floor under my desk. Okay.

Socks? I need socks. My socks might show when I sit down in these too-tight too-short pants. I have to find matching ones. Clean ones? No, that's too much of a reach. I must just find matching ones. I search, digging through the floor piles. I find two that do not match, but are the same color. Good enough.

Fifteen minutes late. My cat chirps as he brushes against my leg. Oh! My little friend! He's so cute and sweet. My sister loves to get pictures of him, so I'll take one for her. Look up here, Blue! So cute. I should really update the instagram I made for him, I've met so many people who have the same type of cat. I should edit some photos of him today to post. He makes me so happy. I feel so lucky I get to have a cat and such a sweet, loving one like Blue. How many people get to have such a great pet? I'm so thankful for him, and I tell him so while I scratch his face the way that makes him purr.

I text my sister the picture. She tells me to have a good day. I try to find a cute GIF to send her to tell her to have a good day too. Here's one with Snoopy. She'll like that.

I also need to feed Blue. There are a dozen empty, smelly cans on the counter of cat food, but I pick a new one out of the box they were shipped in and put it in his dish with a random measuring spoon because all my other silverware is dirty.

Bag. I need to pack a bag. Laptop, keys, tissues, pens, notebook, headphones, charging cable for my phone. Is that everything? And my wallet, of course! Aha. That would be bad if I forgot that.

My shoes are dirty and scuffed but I don't have time to fix them. What kind of coat? I don't check the weather. I pick out a thin yellow one that I like. I've always liked bright colors. This will cheer me up to wear it. Bag, coat, keys, phone...where is my phone?

I have headphones on, listening to a YouTube video on two times speed, but I don't know where my phone is. I don't have time for this! But I can't leave without my phone.

It's deep in the covers of my bed. I don't remember putting it there between sending the GIF to my sister and now, but no matter. I found it.

It's twenty degrees and raining. I have no umbrella and my spring coat is incredibly inappropriate for the weather.

I've left my car on the street for a few days in an area that is only for 3-hour parking. The parking tickets are stacked on the windshield. I owe the city about $400 in parking tickets and I keep getting letters from the police that they'll boot my car if I don't pay. I messed up the days on my budget spreadsheet, so I won't be able to pay them for another month.

I have no gas. I check the miles my car estimates I can go with the amount left and compare it to what my GPS says. Just enough. Maybe. It'll be okay. I can't get gas now.

I forgot to brush my teeth. I forgot my laptop charging cable. I forgot to take my medication, and I forgot to bring my medication with me to take my second dose. When I finally arrive at my destination, I don't remember that my debit card fell between the seat in my car yesterday while getting coffee at the drive-thru. So I leave without it. I also forgot to put deodorant on.

I wonder what my coworkers would think of me if they knew about my messy apartment, my poor hygiene, my lack of planning skills. Will they notice my teeth aren't brushed? Do I have any gum, mints, anything?

My coworker sees me come in late with in an oddly-fitting outfit and messy hair, but I greet them happily when I come in. They say that everyone forgets things sometimes and lends me their laptop charger. I'll forget to return it, but they don't know that yet. They don't know about my kitchen or my bedroom or my clothes or my unwashed face or my parking tickets. They don't know that without my medication I will be useless for the entire day and get nothing done, making more work for them.

I'm an excellent actress. I pretend to be like everyone else, and somehow I pass the test every time. I'm a shy, kind, young woman - they would never suspect there is a moldy box of forgotten take out food in my backseat that I'll discover in a few days. People socialized as female are expected to be neat, organized, in control. They don't even consider that I might not be those things.

"What did you bring for the potluck today?" my coworker asks.

The ingredients I bought for the dish I signed up to make are rotting in my fridge, forgotten as soon as I put them there after shopping two weeks ago. I didn't think to buy them closer to today. I also didn't think to put the pot luck on my calendar.

I make up an elaborate story about how my boyfriend needed to be picked up from a far-away job site last night. She believes me and I feel I don't deserve it.

I wish I wasn't a good actress.

[neurodivergentmagic]

goodnight >.<

[autismhotpot]

Question for the ADHD'ers (and other neurodiverse people)

What are yall eating patterns like?

Mine mostly goes:

•Big breakfast 🧀🍳🥚🥛☕️🍯

•Small lunch (barely a lunch more like a snack)🫒

•Massive dinner (1000+ calories unironically)🧀🍖🍗🥩🥓🍔🌯🌮

•Post-dinner shenanigans (cappuccino or fruit)🍓🍎☕️

Do yall eat like this as well? Do you struggle with remembering to eat? Lmk cuz people find me delulu for basically eating nothing for 8 hours straight and then eating a meal the equivalent of a bomb after☆

[beaisdifferent]

The Sadness of Learning

There is a mourning process that comes with being diagnosed.  And it can be really confusing.  You can spend years and years--sometimes your whole life—suspicious of yourself, knowing something about you is different, and not having the words to describe it.  You can feel so left behind, so disconnected, so misunderstood, so frustrated, and so silenced.  Then the words do come, things like mature for your age, shy, sensitive, lazy, ungrateful, difficult.

So when you put together the pieces as an adult and finally realize that you might need to seek out a professional’s opinion for all these thoughts and behaviors that you hadn’t grown out of yet, it can be so exciting.  You sit for four hours of tests, doing random activities with a stranger who calls you back after a week of thinking on it to tell you that you have autism and ADHD.

That’s it!  I’m not weird, I’m not stupid, I’m not any of those things.  It’s not me, it’s just the way my brain is wired!  It can be so validating, such an important cornerstone to understanding yourself and finding your identity and your community.

But there is also something strangely final about it as well.

I remember after getting my diagnoses, the sadness I felt was unexpected.  I had suspected myself of being autistic for a long time, and though the ADHD speculations were newer, they were firm as well.  It just made sense, this would explain so much of what was going on with me, what had characterized my internally turbulent childhood.  But when my doctor said, “Definitely autistic,” it struck me.

I think I’m still figuring out how to put it down into words.  This is permanent, this is my situation, something I will need to handle and monitor and be responsible for for the rest of my life.  There is something wrong with me.  It’s not going to go away.

I have to manage my neurodivergent self in a neurotypical world.  Even on days I’m just home by myself, even on days I’m working to get to the end of the day, even on days I wish I could strangle the pieces of me that don’t fit in the way the world demands they do.

It’s a lot of work, a lot of research, a lot of relearning how to both find mercy with myself but also take responsibility for my shortcomings, whether or not they really feel like faults.  It’s something that I have to keep in mind all the time, something I have to keep secret from certain people, something I have to hold even when it’s weighing me down.  And it so often weighs me down. 

There is something wrong with me.  I don’t want to have to be positive about it all the time, sometimes it’s really hard and I wish I was different.  There was a period of adjusting to this news, of learning how to swallow it down and accept myself as I was.  I’ve mostly settled in with it now, made a bed for it beside my own so we can properly get to know each other and rest without spite for the following morning.  After over a year of compiling the right resources, I’ve been able to use the diagnosis as a springboard to understand myself and massively improve my life.  This has 100% been a change for the better, I need anyone hesitating to get a diagnosis to understand that.  But there was a period of sadness that came with learning all of this about myself, and sometimes its still here, still lingering as I practice harder than anyone else I know to keep my shit together and fail anyway.

[turns-out-its-adhd]

[ineedfairypee]

Fml 🙃

Trying to study without meds feels like trying to build a house without mortar. It can work on a day when the weather's really good but even then it can all fall apart so easily, let alone if there's wind and rain!

I've studied med free before and I'm sure I can do it again but whether I'll achieve all that im capable of is another thing entirely!

Time to stock up on good diet and exercise and other compensatory strategies, take cover and hope for the best! 😩

[groovybeachgurl]

my biggest tip to anyone with executive dysfunction trying to get homework/work done:

sit on a chair or bench in a boring space to do it! (example: a kitchen island)

i used to swear that i could only do my homework sitting on the couch, or in bed.

what i didn’t realize was that sitting in a space with a lot of distractions, while sitting on something comfortable, made completing my work take twice as long.

why? because my brain associated those spaces with relaxation and an escape from school/work.

so, after getting so frustrated with the amount of time it took to do my work, i experimented by doing it at my kitchen island instead.

and guess what?

IT TOOK ME HALF AS LONG TO FINISH!

without any distractions, i was able to focus all of my attention towards my work.

and although this may seem like an “obvious” thing to do, i am sharing this tip because it’s something i wish i had been told instead of taking 23 years to figure out on my own.

so if i can be that person to someone here, then my goal has been accomplished.

[literary-lesbianism]

idk how it took me 17 years to get diagnosed with adhd bc my neurologist asked me if i get easily distracted and i straight up said “only by distracting things” and thought i was neurotypical

[adhd-creativity]

I have recently been trying out embroidery.... I've always had a blindspot when it comes to textile crafts.

Also I've had this weird internalised sexism thing going on where I saw them as 'dowdy' or 'not real art' because they typically women's hobbies.

ALSO I am chaotic and messy by nature so assumed exact stitches were not for me. But embroidery is like painting with thread!

It's important to feel safe to be a beginner artist and make mistakes. I always want to be amazing at everything the first time I try it, which puts me off trying, which means I end up sat in my bedroom feeling sad I am not making art.

So yes enjoy my wobbly snail, I will be adding more vines and some leaves and who knows what else 🐌🍁

[6catsandanerdo]

My ADHD self whenever I have to do a task I dislike: I'll treat myself to coffee and donuts after this emotional abuse.

[adhdcognizant]

🙂🙃