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#adulting 101
dreamy-01 · 9 months
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Rule #1
Mandatory butt squeezes when you think I look pretty
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vodid · 6 months
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i remember in 6th grade, my middle school had us go on a field trip where we pretend lived as adults with jobs and car insurance in a little town to teach us more about the adult world and i was so unhappy with the job they assigned to me that i went on to never get a fucking job how cool is that
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gale-gentlepenguin · 11 months
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Adulting 101: How Jobs work
I feel like there is a LOT of terrible advice on the internet about getting a job, working a job, and leaving a job. So I am going to give some real advice that will help you out in the long run.
Welcome to Adulting 101
So for this I will be discussing the Core tenants
Getting a Job
Working the Job
Leaving the Job
and
The Farewell
(Note this is mainly for work in the Corporate sector but I can assure that applicable information can be applied to other Job areas.)
Getting a job
So you are fresh out of college, and now you realize those student loans arent gonna be paid by the government after all. So what are you going to do?
The answer is get a Job.
But how are you going to get one?
1. Connections:
-If you havent already, start with creating a Linkedin account and try to connect with every person you have ever met, especially if you are going into the field of work with the individuals.
After that, try searching LinkedIn for every person that is in a high position in the field you want to start your career. Most won’t respond, but some will and that is good for you.
Most people in the corporate world that get interviews for their first job with good companies are usually through connections. Leverage family, friends, old employment, old internships, etc.
-I also recommend staying in touch with your Alma mater, professors are usually people with connections and if they like you can help pull some strings. But if not, the school usually will have some sort of program that will help you get your first job. Though not all colleges have it, but its best to check.
-Always avoid sales jobs. Now some sales jobs are fine and legit, but its usually gonna end with the company taking the list of people you know and selling to them before tossing you aside. It burns your friends and Family’s good will. Thats usually the reason why at least once in your life you will have someone from high school reaching out to you about ‘A product or service’.
-Nurture the network. You want people to like you enough to recommend you for jobs, especially this early on. Your experience is garbage and you have no negotiating power. Unless you are from an Ivy league school and have a 4.0. You have no value in the eyes of the company alone. So your best bet is to lean on people you know.
2. Resume
-For the love of crap, work on your resume. Doesnt matter how good your connections are, if you made your resume out of crayon you are screwed. Take time to format it, look up some how to guides, ask some people you know how they worked their resume. It is not fun, but it is important. Resumes are what get people in the door in a lot of cases. The best resumes on online applications are filtered based on how close they fit the job description.
-Make sure to keep that resume updated and easy to edit so you can alter it to match a job description better. This is a trick to help improve the odds of selection.
-Same thing but with Linkedin, there are recruiters on Linkedin and other sites that search for canidates. Most of them are sales jobs, but some arent and you can leverage them if possible
-Since this is on Tumblr, I’m going to tell you this upfront, don’t put your pronouns in your resume. I was talking with a recruiter and that’s a thing they use to filter out so most online applications won’t see it. Mainly cause it’s seen as Filler and stuff like this will be addressed later.
3. Certifications and internships
-When you are new in the workforce, you will need ANYTHING to differentiate you from the crowd, having a certification in whatever is needed in your field is always a bonus. Granted these cost cash to get into, so this is more of a last resort when you are looking for your first job.
-Internships after college are often seen as a bit tough to manage since they usually dont pay as much as a real job (depending on the state or country, at all), but if one is unable to get a job, this is a ticket to building a network.
4. The Interview
-All of that work from the previous 3 subjects have led you to this moment, your interview. Now this is a make or break it moment and it is important to understand the following:
*Is this a multiround interview? (Will there be more than one?)
*Who am I interviewing with (The interviewer, the company, and for what job)
*What is the purpose of the interview? (Is this a formality? A job description?)
-Now it is crucial to know your resume inside and out. You need to speak to what you know. So be sure to know it well.
-Always answer in a way that puts you in a more positive light. But dont try the “My greatest weakness is working too hard” they can smell that bulls*** a mile away. If you had to describe a negative, make it seem like you are working to fix it. This demonstrates you can look at yourself objectively and makes it seem like you are more of a genuine person. My go too response is “I have a habit of hyper focusing on a task until it is complete, but I have been working on focusing on what has the highest priority.”
-At the end of the interview, make sure to have questions prepared to ask the interviewer, and dont ask about salary. (Salary is asked after the job is offered, and usually you will usually hear about the salary range before going in, or the official number AFTER they give the offer). My go to question is asking “What are three traits someone would need to have to thrive in this position?” But do try and think of your own
-Dont be nervous, remember that this will likely not be the only interview you will have, especially with how desperate people are to get workers. So you will get a few. Just do your best, you got this.
_______________________________________________________________________
Working the Job
You did it, all that hardwork and dedication had paid off, you got your first job.
Or maybe this is your second job. But most importantly, its work with a salary. The most tedious part is over, next is where the real work begins.
1. Adjusting to work
This period of time will you learning all you can about your job, this is the 30-60-90. AKA, the Trial period.
Show up a bit early and leave a bit later (unless your commute is over an hour. Then you just try to be as close to on time as possible.)
Your first 30 days is you finding out where everything is, how it works, who you interact with to get work done, and find the bathroom. This is where the expectations for you as an employee are at their most lenient. Dont take this as a rest opportunity, You are meant to learn as much as possible about how to do your job. (also connect with all the people on your team on Linkedin)
The next 30 days are your real test. Likely will be given your first real assignment if it wasnt given already. This is where you need to knock it out of the park. Crush that first assignment. Show everyone you are a pleasure to work with, Be compassionate yet driven. This is the ‘Prove yourself phase’
The last 30 days is the “Dealmaker” here is where you get to show your impact on the company. Your work must be consistent and must be solid. You can be allowed some error, but dont focus too much on it. This is where you show what you learned and are a part of the company. After you make it past this stage, you are likely to not have to worry about being fired. That doesnt mean your safe. It just means you are officially a part of the company.
-Now from here on out this is your chance to grow in however you want. Do you have ideas that you think would make things better? Give them a go, try discussing them with your boss, see what he/she thinks of them. You think there is a sector of the company you would work better in, use this position as an opportunity to grow closer and maybe transfer. Just be sure to keep your work consistent
2. Time to excel
So this is where you start career building. You want to make the big money. You want to be strong and independent with the fat stacks? You gotta work bitch.
You gotta take initiative, when there is an opportunity to shine to the higher ups, take it. Not every opportunity will be given. But sometimes there are ones that are gift wrapped.
Do NOT over extend yourself.
This is important, yes you want to stand out, but over extending yourself just to impress can cause your original work to suffer. You need to know your limits. And be willing to ask for help when needed.
Don’t talk smack about your boss, or other coworkers.
In the game of office politics, you never want to give someone an opportunity to make you look bad. Be respectful, and keep any complaints or issues you have with someone objective.
Take responsibility. Don’t try and blame others when something fails. Own up to it and ask for ways to improve. That shows character and in the game of career building, that’s a solid way to show you are capable and bold.
____________________________________________
Leaving a job
So you find yourself working at this job and you realize. I hate it here. Now the first instinct is to quit and figure it out later. Or the term “Quiet Quitting” which is doing the bare minimum required and ride it out. Let me correct this by showing you what to do.
Figure out the Why.
Why do you hate your job now? It’s actually the simplest step. Usually boiling down to the following
1. My boss sucks.
Most employees end up quitting their jobs because of their boss. Either they are critical, take credit for your work, blame you for their mistakes, make you work late. Preventing you from taking vacation. Or insert specific reason here.
If the boss is the only reason you hate the job, then this is where you can start by requesting transfers to other areas of the company. Make an effort to find someone you wouldn’t mind working under, or find a way to show that your boss is violating your rights and agreements. If you can get a recording or emails to show to HR, than you can find ways of dealing with the horrible boss. Though if all else fails, then it’s time to consider leaving.
2. You need higher pay
If your company doesn’t give pay raises, and you find yourself not progressing a more favorable direction, then it’s time to discuss with your boss your concerns. Now if your boss is reasonable and not like a boss from reason 1, they will likely take into account the work you do and try to get you the raise.
But that’s only if you are working hard. Demanding more money but not doing anything more than what the job is asking won’t net you a pay raise unless you are exceeding expectations. In truth most companies would like to not lose workers, so voicing a concern would be a good way to get more cash.
Though if you are working hard and going above and beyond yet still not getting the money you deserve. It’s time to search for a place that will. Don’t quit yet, find the new job first and than leave.
It’s common curtesy to let the company know with a two week notice. That’s mainly so you don’t entirely burn connections. If you don’t care about the company, just quit.
Side note, and THIS IS CRUCIAL
If your company hears you are leaving and tries to match it. DONT take it. It’s a ploy. They will look for your replacement as soon as you accept the deal. They know you are finicky and looking. If you accepted a job offer, DONT BACK OUT.
3. This is not the career I want
You realize that this just isn’t where you want to be for the next couple of years. That’s fine. In fact, good on you for recognizing that you aren’t content with your work. But that begs the question, what Do you want.
At this time, stay working while you do research. No need to quit if you don’t know what it is you want. Maybe you want to be focused on different things but still in the same company. Transfers are more common and it’s easier to move and employee than lose one. So if you like where you work but not what you do, maybe see what other options there are in house before leaving.
But if you really want to go after something then find yourself peeping for that path. And when you are ready to go, then quit. Be polite and cordial. It wasn’t them it’s you. A two week notice would be the polite thing in this case.
The Farewell
Things aren’t working out with your current job and you’ve decided it’s time to leave. Ensure the following.
1. You have another opportunity lined up
2. You connected with everyone worth while
3. You have your letter/email of resignation ready to go
Now if your opportunity has a time before it starts. Great time for quiet quitting. You are basically out the door, you can take it easy. So enjoy these last moments before you leave and get ready for the next step in life.
____________________________________________
Thank you for reading my advice column on how to properly Navigate work.
And if things work out, remember what you read.
Life may not always perfectly line up, but there is a right way of approaching it.
Best of luck
(Note: This does not guarantee that all will go according to plan but it is the building blocks of what Is important)
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projectadulthood · 1 year
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39 Best Websites to Find Free Textbooks, Research Papers, Study Guides, and Books
Whether you’ve just received a long list of textbooks you need for a specific uni class or are looking for a particular book/research paper for a high school project, books (and journal subscriptions) can be expensive.
The good news is that there are plenty of resources online where you can find free PDF versions of most written materials, starting with Atkinson & Hilgard’s Introduction to Psychology and ending with Shakespeare’s Macbeth.
Note that although some of the websites below provide access to copyright-free texts only, or texts that publishers/authors have agreed to share freely, others have been accused of internet privacy.
However, many people see open access practices as morally acceptable, especially considering the unsustainable prices of academic textbooks and papers.
To quote a recent paper on the topic:
"Since shadow libraries are a product of the cooperation between scholars, who contribute texts and other resources (such as donations, volunteer work, etc.), shadow libraries represent a ‘bottom-up’, radical approach to open access: a physical approximation of the Platonic ideal of knowledge sharing that would exist if there were no legal, economic, or institutional barriers to the circulation of scholarly knowledge."
Free Textbooks
Library Genesis
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Library Genesis, or Libgen for short, is a shadow online library website where college students can find academic books (including those that are hard to find/very expensive) and scholarly journal articles.
The site also hosts general-interest books, audiobooks, comics, magazines, and images.
Z-Library
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Z-Library is another shadow library website that hosts college textbooks, scholarly journal articles, and general-interest books. It calls itself “the world’s largest e-book library.” It mirrors Library Genesis.
The front page also features some of the most popular books at the time. When we viewed it, these included “Thinking Fast and Slow” by Daniel Kahneman, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, and Harry Potter the Complete Collection by J. K. Rowling.
You can also use the right-hand navigation menu to see the books that have been added most recently, as well as sort through books based on category.
Use the Book Request option if you can’t find a book you’re looking for. There’s no guarantee your book will be added, but community members look at requests to see what books to upload (you can also upload books).
PDF Drive
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PDF Drive is an online library with a ton of free ebooks and PDF textbooks in various categories, including academic & education (but also lifestyle, personal growth, art, linguistics, etc.)
ForCoder.su
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Forcoder.su has lots of online textbooks on programming. It also provides free access to online courses, like Apache Kafka for beginners and object-oriented programming with Python. Currently, there are hundreds of free courses available.
Online Mathematics Textbooks
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Online Mathematics Textbooks is your source for free digital textbooks on all things math. It’s just one page featuring 77 textbooks.
Tech Books for Free Download
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Tech Books for Free Download is where you’ll find free science and engineering books on topics ranging from data mining to general relativity.
There’s no way to search for books easily. However, the site is divided into books on Linux, Java, Microsoft, C and C++, Perl/Python, Science, Networking, Database, Security, and Assembly.
Free Tech Books
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Free Tech Books is an open textbook library. It provides access to free computer science books and textbooks, plus lecture notes. All the books and lecture notes listed on this site are freely available on authors’ and/or publishers’ sites.
You can browse books by category (computer science, mathematics, supporting fields, operating system, programming/scripting, miscellaneous), author, publisher, or license.
Directory of Open Access Books
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Directory of Open Access Books (DOAB) is a website that indexes and provides access to academic, peer-reviewed open-access books. All disciplines are covered, but there’s a particular emphasis on humanities, social sciences, and law.
Ubiquity Press
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Ubiquity Press has been an open-access publisher of academic, peer-reviewed books and journals since 2012. It was founded by University of College London (UCL) researchers.
Research Papers
Sci-Hub
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Sci-hub has the most expansive collection of research papers. Its mission is to “remove all barriers in the way of science.”
Directory of Open Access Journals
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Directory of Open Access Journals (DOAJ) is an online directory of open-access, peer-reviewed research journals covering humanities, social sciences, technology, science, medicine, and art.
The directory indexes journals from different countries and languages. DOAJ is supported financially by publishers, libraries, and other organizations.
Wiley Open Access
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Wiley Open Access provides peer-reviewed open-access journals across topics like biochemistry, economics, sociology, mathematics, and law.
SpringerOpen
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SpringerOpen publishes open-access journals across a wide range of areas, mainly STEM.
Elsevier
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Elsevier publishes open-access, peer-reviewed journals. You can search for journals by title, keyword, or subject (dentistry, nursing, decision sciences, etc.)
Springer Link
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Springer Link provides access to ebooks, peer-reviewed journal articles, and other resources (mostly scientific).
BASE
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BASE is a search engine for academic texts, including journals, digital collections, institutional repositories, etc. You can access about 60% of the indexed texts for free.
Study Guides
Bibliomania
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Bibliomania has study guides to the most-read books, like “A Hero of Our Time,” “Animal Farm,” and even Irish politics. It also has over 2,000 classic texts, book summaries, author biographies, and more.
Books
Open Library
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Open Library is an open library catalog of more than 3 million new and old books. The project was created by the nonprofit organization Internet Archive. It has also received partial funding from Kahle/Austin Foundation and the California State Library.
You can read old books without an account. However, for new books, you’ll need to set one up (it takes just a few minutes).
Internet Archive
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Internet Archive is a digital library of ebooks. It also has free movies, music, and software.
Project Gutenberg
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Project Gutenberg is a famous site where you can find lots of free books. There are more than 60,000 books in its collection.
Standard Ebooks
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Standard Ebooks take public domain texts and make them as nice as new books. They fix typographical errors and typos, create cool cover art, and format the text for e-readers like Kindle and iPad.
Planet eBook
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Planet eBook is where you can download free PDF copies of classics like Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis, Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment, and Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness.
What really makes Planet eBook stand out is its UX. It’s one of those rare sites that are super easy to navigate and actually look good (aesthetically speaking).
The Ultimate Book Search Engine
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The Ultimate Book Search Engine is an ebook search engine that includes 350 open directory sites that relate to ebooks. It was created by the Reddit user u/NotoriousYEG.
Classic Bookshelf
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The Classic Bookshelf is a site where you’ll find lots of classic novels, everything from Charles Dickens and Leo Tolstoy.
Literature.org
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Literature.org features classic works of English literature, both fiction and non-fiction.
Bartleby
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Bartleby is a site that features both fiction and nonfiction books.
Fiction.us
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Fiction.us has a ton of books, including fiction, short stories, children's picture books, poetry, books on writing, and plays.
Classic Literature Library
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As the name suggests, Classic Literature Library is where you’ll find classic literature works.
Ideology.us
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Ideology.us is a site that has ebooks on philosophy, psychology, sociology, politics, and education.
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
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The Complete Works of William Shakespeare is where you’ll find all of Shakespeare’s work. The site is run by The Tech, the largest and oldest newspaper by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge.
Read Books Online
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Read Books Online has around 6,000 ebooks, including novels, short stories, poems, essays, plays, and non-fiction.
Public Bookshelf
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Public Bookshelf is a site dedicated to romance novels.
Categories of ebooks here include contemporary romance, romantic suspense, historical romance, regency romance, inspirational romance, vampire romance, western romance, general romance, and fantasy and paranormal romance.
The Perseus Project
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The Perseus Project is a digital library created by Tufts University with books from Ancient Rome and Greece, published in original languages and English.
Chest of Books
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Chest of Books has books on a ton of different subjects, including animals, finance, real estate, science, and travel.
The Literature Network
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The Literature Network has books by authors like Anne Bronte, Lewis Carroll, and Lord George Gordon Byron. It also features forums, literature summaries, and quizzes.
The Online Books Page
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The Online Books Page is a site by the University of Pennsylvania that houses books in categories like philosophy, history, medicine, science, agriculture, music, anthropology, and more. The site also links to the following:
Banned Books Online: A directory of books that were once banned and links to places where you can read them in full.
A Celebration of Women Writers: A directory that lists online editions of literary works by women as well as resources about women writers.
Prize Winners Online: A directory of prize-winning books.
Many Books
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Many Books is “your friendly neighborhood library.” It houses over 50,000 books in genres like romance, mystery, young adult, horror, and non-fiction. You can read books online or download them to your device.
Authorama
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Authorama turns public domain books on sites like Google Books and Project Gutenberg into HTML format, making it easier to read them.
Audiobooks
Librivox
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Librivox has free audiobooks that you can listen to from any device.
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onlytiktoks · 3 days
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greyanatomies · 1 year
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6 quick tips to spruce up your resume ⚡️
There are many ways you can spruce up your resume to make it stand out from the rest. Here are a few tips to consider:
Customize your resume for each job: Tailor your resume to match the specific job you're applying for by highlighting the skills and experiences that are most relevant to that position. This will show the employer that you're a good fit for the job and have taken the time to research their company.
Use a clear and professional format: Choose a clean and easy-to-read format for your resume. Use headings, bullet points, and white space to make it easy to skim through. Ensure that the font and size are consistent throughout.
Highlight your accomplishments: Instead of just listing your job duties, focus on your accomplishments and how you added value to your previous roles. Use quantifiable metrics and specific examples to demonstrate your achievements.
Use action verbs: Start each bullet point with an action verb to show what you have done. Use strong and specific verbs like "created," "managed," or "implemented" to convey your skills and experience.
Include relevant keywords: Many companies use Applicant Tracking Systems (ATS) to screen resumes. Use relevant keywords from the job description in your resume to ensure it passes the ATS and gets seen by the hiring manager.
Proofread your resume: Before submitting your resume, make sure you proofread it carefully for typos and grammatical errors. Ask a friend or mentor to review it as well to get a fresh perspective.
By following these tips, you can create a polished and impressive resume that will help you stand out in the job market! Good luck! 🍀
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thatnerdyfairy · 7 months
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The more I talk to my students the more I realize how little kids are taught about the real world. So for the next couple weeks, I am going to try my hardest to teach y'all as much as I possibly can.
Send me asks, respond to this post, and reblog to get it to as many people as possible!
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By: Holly Korbey
Published: Dec 20, 2022
Assistant professor Brett Mallon begins his evening Zoom session at Kansas State University with a question: When students hear the word “conflict,” what associations do they make? 
Many first responses are decidedly negative. “I would say, avoid it at all costs,” one student offers. “Argument, awkward conversations,” says another. The list grows as students make emotional associations they have with conflict: stress, discomfort, war. Only one student suggests that he thinks of conflict as “an opportunity for growth.” 
This is Conflict Resolution, a non-credit workshop in an “Adulting 101” series at Kansas State. The cheeky name, created by the campus wellness center, belies its serious purpose: to fill in the gaps of missing life skills for students with classes that range from the practical, like how to make a budget, to the relational, like dealing with imposter syndrome. 
“Students talk about conflict like it’s this terrible thing,” Mallon said in an interview. “Is it that they’re afraid of [conflict], or are they lacking in experience? Probably a little bit of both.” 
Seminars and classes like “Adulting 101” are becoming more common on college campuses. Though ranging in style and substance — from one-offs on handling stress to full-semester psychology courses on how to be happy — more universities are offering help to students struggling with the stresses of everyday life and mental health challenges like anxiety and depression.
But a growing body of evidence is beginning to suggest that the problems of “adulting” and mental health in college students may be rooted, at least in part, in modern childhood. Research shows that young people are lacking in emotional resilience and independence compared to previous generations. The problem has been growing in tandem with rising rates of anxiety and depression, perhaps exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic, and has left colleges scrambling to help and adapt.
“Some parents have been parenting differently, they have this value of success at all costs,” said Dori Hutchinson, executive director of the Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation at Boston University. “I like to describe it as some kids are growing up developmentally delayed, today’s 18-year-olds are like 12-year-olds from a decade ago. They have very little tolerance for conflict and discomfort, and COVID just exposed it.” 
How modern childhood changed, and changed mental health
Research shows that young people who arrive on campus with healthy amounts of resilience and independence do better both academically and emotionally, but today more students of all backgrounds are arriving on campus with significantly less experience in dealing with life’s ups and downs. Many even see normal adult activities as risky or dangerous.
In a new study currently under review, Georgetown University psychologist Yulia Chentsova Dutton looked at whether American college students’ threshold for what is considered risky was comparable to their global peers. Chentsova Dutton and her team interviewed students from Turkey, Russia, Canada and the United States, asking them to describe a risky or dangerous experience they had in the last month. Both Turkish and Russian students described witnessing events that involved actual risk: violent fights on public transportation; hazardous driving conditions caused by drunk drivers; women being aggressively followed on the street. 
But American students were far more likely to cite as dangerous things that most adults do every day, like being alone outside or riding alone in an Uber.
The American students’ risk threshold was comparatively “quite low,” according to Chentsova Dutton. Students who reported they gained independence later in childhood — going to the grocery store or riding public transportation alone, for example — viewed their university campus as more dangerous; those same students also had fewer positive emotions when describing risky situations. 
Chentsova Dutton hypothesizes that when students have fewer opportunities to practice autonomy, they have less faith in themselves that they can figure out a risky situation. “My suspicion is that low autonomy seems to translate into low efficacy,” she said. “Low efficacy and a combination of stress is associated with distress,” like anxiety and depression.
In recent years, other psychologists have made similar associations. Author and New York University ethical leadership professor Jonathan Haidt has used Nassim Taleb’s theory of anti-fragility to explain how kids’ social and emotional systems act much like our bones and immune systems: Within reason, testing and stressing them doesn’t break them but makes them stronger. But, Haidt and first amendment advocate Greg Lukianoff have argued in their writing, a strong culture of “safetyism” which prizes the safety of children above all else, has prevented young people from putting stress on the bones, so to speak, so “such children are likely to suffer more when exposed later to other unpleasant but ordinary life events.” 
Psychologists have directly connected a lack of resilience and independence to the growth of mental health problems and psychiatric disorders in young adults and say that short cycles of stress or conflict are not only not harmful, they are essential to human development. But modern childhood, for a variety of reasons, provides few opportunities for kids to practice those skills. 
While it’s hard to point to a single cause, experts say a confluence of factors — including more time spent on smartphones and social media, less time for free play, a culture that prizes safety at the expense of building other characteristics, a fear of child kidnapping, and more adult-directed activities — together have created a culture that keeps kids far away from the kinds of experiences that build resilience.
Chentsova Dutton said America has an international reputation for prizing autonomy, but her study opened her eyes to a more complicated picture. American parents tend to be overprotective when children are young, acting as if kids are going to live at home for a long time, like parents do in Italy. Yet they also expect children to live away from home fairly early for college, like families do in Germany. The result is that American kids end up with drastically fewer years navigating real life than they do in other countries that start much earlier. 
“We parent like we are in Italy, then send kids away like we are in Germany,” Chentsova Dutton said with a laugh. “Those things don’t match.”
A movement hopes to change the culture
Seventeen-year-old Megan Miller, a senior at Hudson High School in Hudson, Ohio, recently drove her two siblings, ages 15 and 12, to Cedar Point Amusement Park for an evening of fun. Miller was nervous. She’d never driven an hour and a half away from home by herself before, especially in the dark — but she had to do it; it was homework for school. 
The assignment was to try something she’d never done before without her parents’, or anyone else’s, help. Other students figured out how to put air in their tires, cooked a meal for their family from start to finish and drove on the interstate. The point, Miller’s teacher Martin Bach said, was to give these young adults — many of whom would be living away from home in less than a year — experience with trying, failing and figuring something out on their own. 
“I was seeing that student stress and anxiety levels were already bad, then COVID supercharged it,” Bach said. But a pattern of parents “swooping in to solve problems that kids could easily solve on their own” made Bach decide to create the unit on resilience and independence. “In my head I’m thinking, these kids are going off to college, how are they going to cope?”
Bach got the idea for the “do something new on your own” assignment from Let Grow, a national nonprofit promoting greater childhood independence. Let Grow offers free curriculum, aimed mostly at elementary and middle school students, that feels like it’s giving 21st century childhood a hard reset — like “play club,” in which children are allowed to play on school playgrounds without adult interference, and the “think for yourself essay contest.” 
Let Grow is part of a growing movement of psychologists, therapists and educators advocating for evidence-based practices to help kids gain more independence and improve mental health. Let Grow’s co-founder, Lenore Skenazy, said that after traveling for years speaking to parent and school groups about the problem of shrinking childhood independence, she decided that families needed more than a lecture. “The audience would nod along, everybody gets it. But they wouldn’t let their own kids do it,” she said. Skenazy began to understand that the anxiety around child safety was not necessarily parents’ fault — the culture surrounding families almost fetishized child danger. Many parents felt they would be judged — or arrested — if they let their child walk to the park by themselves, or walk to the store. 
Skenazy moved the organization toward behavior and policy change to address the cultural issues. Along with the independence curriculum for schools, Let Grow has helped four states enact “Reasonable Childhood Independence” laws aimed at protecting parents from neglect charges. Let Grow also speaks directly to parents and teachers about letting kids try things by themselves — and being surprised by what their kids are able to do. 
Like Megan Miller, whose trip to Cedar Point was thrilling yet also had bumps along the way. They got a little lost inside the park, and the siblings had a disagreement over which roller coasters to ride. On the way there, even with navigation on her phone, she took a wrong turn and ended up on an unfamiliar road. But that road wound alongside scenic Lake Erie, which she’d never been on. “It ended up being this beautiful drive that I will definitely do every single time,” Miller said. 
Since the trip, Miller’s parents have noticed a change, she said. “I find that I’m much more comfortable driving on highways and for long periods of time. My parents know now that I can do it, which helps a lot.” 
A road forward
More researchers, psychologists and educators are looking to find more ways to incorporate independence skills into kids’ daily lives. 
Clinical psychologist Camilo Ortiz, a professor at Long Island University-Post, began noticing a few years ago that some of his young patients, mostly children being treated for anxiety, would “fold very quickly” at the first sign of adversity. Ortiz uses what he calls the “four Ds” to explain what was happening: Today’s kids experienced less “discomfort, distress, disappointment and danger” than previous generations did, because their parents, who have the best intentions, deprive them of these opportunities. He began to wonder whether kids who didn’t get much of the four Ds were missing an important opportunity to be uncomfortable and then persist — and whether they might help clinically anxious children. 
Beginning last year, Ortiz began a pilot treatment program for childhood clinical anxiety that is based on independence and “getting parents out of their hair.”
“This is not a traditional anxiety treatment,” he said. “My approach is something like: So you’re afraid of the dark? Go to the deli and buy me some salami.” A lot of anxiety is based in fear of the unknown, so the treatment involves having an experience full of uncertainty, like riding the subway alone or going to the grocery alone. If the child can tolerate the discomfort in that situation, Ortiz hypothesized that those lessons might translate to whatever is causing the child anxiety.
Early results are promising: the independence exercises have been successful in quelling anxiety for some children. “The new approach that I have developed is for middle school kids,” he said. “So by the time they’re college students, they’ve gotten a lot more practice with those four Ds.” 
Other groups help build resilience in students in academic settings, like the Resilience Builder Program, which aims to help students think more flexibly, be proactive in the face of challenges and learn optimistic thinking. The program’s creator, Mary Alvord, said the protective factors taught to middle schoolers are based on decades of research on childhood resilience. “It’s about being proactive and not feeling like you’re a victim, how you can control some things, but you can’t control everything,” she said. “How can you make the best of it, and if you can’t — how do you ask for help?” 
Experts say independence and autonomy are best formed and tested in childhood, but it’s never too late to begin. At the Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation at Boston University, Hutchinson and her team help college students diagnosed with mental illness continue their education and reach their goals, and that often begins with building their resilience and independence skills. The center has developed a curriculum that is focused not just on students, but parents and faculty as well. 
“Families are a player at the table,” Hutchinson said. Parents benefit from coaching that shows them how to support their student without “doing for” them. Parents sometimes don’t understand that protecting their child from failure and difficulty can be an obstacle to growth. 
“When we are controlling a young adult’s experiences, and they go without that full range of emotional experience,” said the center’s Director for Strategic Initiatives Courtney Joly-Lowdermilk, “we’re actually curbing people’s opportunities to live full lives, and have the full range of human experience.”
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Fredsskadade is a Swedish word meaning "injured by peace."
What would have been a fascinating follow-up would be to have the Canadian and US participants read the answers of the Turkish and Russian participants. And vice versa.
The fact that the peaceful, first world societies have affirmed and reinforced the anxiety in their kids - the psychological equivlent of foot-binding, seemingly because there are fewer legitimate threats than at any time in history - is something these societies will need to reckon with.
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writingfanficsfan · 1 year
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This was my dinner for tonight. It’s a recipe I saw HamiMommy make on YT a couple of months ago and since then I’ve made it at least once a month. It’s simple, it’s fast and it’s very tasty. 
I took the time tonight to look up how you cook rice and fry an egg perfectly and I have to say my plate has never looked this pretty before. That egg just looks perfect and huge plus point it actually tasted amazing! 
Clearly we are cooking our rice wrong here in Belgium because we don’t rince our rice, let alone twice. We also use too much water because we always have to drain our water away. And we also never add butter to rice while cooking it. I guess those reason are why I disliked rice as a child. 
The more you know, right? 
Something as simple as rice and an egg but taking the time to figure out how to cook things does make a huge difference. 
https://www.delish.com/cooking/a20089653/how-to-cook-rice/
https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a23499380/how-to-fry-an-egg/
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th3dailyoverload · 2 months
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My Top 5 Struggles of Adulting
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Adulting is hard, am I right? There are so many new responsibilities that seem to come out of nowhere. Here are my top 5 struggles of navigating this new adulthood thing:
Bills, Bills, Bills
Why does it feel like as soon as you get your pay check, it's already spent?! Keeping track of due dates, ensuring there's enough in your account, and actually paying the bills on time is way more stressful than I anticipated. Having a pet went from being fun to having a dependent that relies on you at the snap of a finger... But the best way to handle a pay check is not even debit orders keep your money untouched for at leats 24hours, this is could for your credit when it comes to your personal cashflow record in the banking system. And only start paying off bills after then.
To Credit Or Not to Credit
This was my biggest question when finally earning a salary and being stable with working. In the current economic climate credit is what the makes the world go round, good credit score makes you seem responsible and able to handle a car, a house bond, and apartment lease, and even bigger things. But my advice to you with credit is get an easy credit card, maybe for clothes. By small items less than R500, set it to be paid within the next 6 months but pay it back with the next month. It makes you look responsible, and helps build a credit score fast. Hold off on trying to secure a phone contract, don't dive before you've learnt to swim.
Food at Home
Remember when you went out with your parents and asked for take out but they always said there was food at home? You're going to have to make sure that there's food at home. Your cosy little apartment fridge should have more than just snacks. Which brings us to building a grocery list: start with staples that are used on a monthly basis and can last for a few months on end, then when those are around then you can from time-to-time restock on goodies. For me, my goodies are sugary cupcakes that I buy once a month during my big grocery run and watermelon Jolly Ranchers.
Dirty Laundry
How did my parents do this every week for a whole family?! Between finding time to do laundry, folding and putting it all away, and ensuring I have enough clean clothes for the week, it feels never ending—it’s a loop. Best case scenario, try doing it at night just before you sleep and hanging it in the morning just before leaving for morning classes or work, just make sure you have a clean set of clothes still wearable.
Maintaining Friendships
With busy work schedules, errands, classes and life in general, finding time to stay socially connected with friends gets harder and harder. Making an effort to schedule in time to call or grab coffee with friends is almost impossible, but balancing it all certainly isn't easy. But best way to handle it all is your plain old calendar app, get all your friends to agree on a calendar app to use and each person can add dates of when they'd like to grab coffee or go book shopping or to the movies and the others can all see it and agree to attendance if one is missing, simple hold and drag to a more suitable day. Have fun with it!
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trickeriesandtippies · 6 months
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laundry basics
posted on tiktok 7/7/2023
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stayyysweet · 3 months
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Welcome to adulthood. Hope you like doing laundry.
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shelivesingalaxies · 7 months
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Parents, if you do not want your kids to end up questioning your actions and resenting you in your old age, as early as now, please learn to plan for their future and yours. It should not fall on their shoulders to be responsible for your lives and those of their siblings when they grow up.
To let them live the life they want and not hold them back. Should that not be your goal?
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gale-gentlepenguin · 11 months
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I had a bunch of idea for new posts and I’m curious on what you all would be interested in.
Character on Trial: Is when I take a divisive character and make a ruling on whether they are Good or bad, and if it’s their fault or bad writing
Powers Explained: I take a power or ability in fiction and explain what the powers constitute, it’s potential, limits, and give a rating on how good the power is.
Digging into Plotholes: I dig into shows or movies that have a plothole/s and go into the following: How noticeable it is, How impactful on the plot it is? How it could be fixed, and a rating of how it personally impacted me
Counterpoint: I take a popular take about show, manga, comic, character, etc. and turn it on its head. Using sources to try and disprove popular fanon.
Adulting 101: I step out of the fictional world and explain some IRL things that should have been taught to you all before going into the realm of adulthood.
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angie-j-kay · 10 months
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I've found that it makes me far more productive to include things like "drink tea" and "rock out" on my daily to-do list. More so when I'm working on self-employment, as I suppose I am now. Don't ask me why this works, but it does.
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onlytiktoks · 17 days
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