#afraid to see my anger weaponized in any way whatsoever bc that's the primary thing that happened to me as a child | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autistic-shaiapouf · 2 years

Text

Reading Alice oseman's "Loveless" and sitting here like, wow I wish I could argue with someone, tell them to their face that I'm angry and they fucked up, and then feel justified in my actions moving forward

#i feel guilty for being angry with ppl or showing them that their actions have consequences #bc i grew up with two abusers that justified it bc they worked so hard they were in pain they did the bare minimum for me #and now i really struggle with drawing those lines with other people; oh this person said something very insensitive to me #but they were having a bad day and it happens!! oh to look at someone and give a solid fuck you to them #afraid to see my anger weaponized in any way whatsoever bc that's the primary thing that happened to me as a child #always gentle and delicate as one holds a butterfly or dismantles a bomb..#you know. sometimes i wait for apologies and they dont arrive when i discuss something and mention how i was hurt #you know maybe i would like to be angry about that and (figuratively) poke and push another person #maybe i dont want to back down anymore. it's a fine line of course but i cannot stand how afraid i feel when emotions rise #im getting better at handling it from other people but from myself? doing something i might regret later? i just don't know #hoatm rants

1 note · View note