#again just my perspective and everyone is totally valid in whatever they think bc we have no way of actually knowing!!

[maidstew]

i see that YOU wanna be bothered too and that you're a d4 enthusiast like me (they're my pookies!!) soooo what's your thoughts on the hc that annie was a career?? 🤭🎤

omg first of all thank you for sending this also i just saw your header and that’s such a slay

this is SUCH a good question and i know it’s so controversial so this is just my personal take!! i totally understand why people might think it’s wrong-

but i do believe that annie was a career and volunteered for the games. i think all victors are damaged from their games in a way and annie is just a different (perhaps more extreme?) example of the affects of being in the arena.

the thing is, you can have all the training in the world- but nothing really prepares you for that kind of violence. especially not seeing your district partner, someone you knew, being decapitated. that is extremely heavy and traumatizing to witness even for someone who volunteered for it. and yes, maybe most careers wouldn’t be impacted by that to the extent that by the human brain is a weird thing and all people react differently.

i saw someone make the comparison between soldiers signing up to join the military and still coming out deeply traumatized by what they saw and i think that’s a pretty good example. you can know what you’re getting into, you can train, you can do whatever- but you’re never truly 100% prepared to go through something like that.

in my opinion, that actually makes her a much more interesting- and no less sympathetic- character! i think a lot of people don’t want to associate annie (and even finnick i see a lot) with being “careers” because the careers are associated with being the bad guys and no one wants their faves to be the bad guys. but the careers were not evil/bad people- they were brainwashed children. but that’s another rant for another day.

so yeah idk if any of that even made sense but basically:

yes, annie is a heavily traumatized- but real- career.

[ticklystuff]

:O for the team ask game! Kafka, Black Swan, Ruan Mei, and Luocha (I love women (I love twinks (I love women & twinks))) I can't tell if my team is good or bad honestly :'D

ask game is closed!

hello~ you are so valid lmao luocha is one of the girlies (also yes your team is quite good from a gameplay perspective)

also sorry i don't think i totally understand black swan's character yet so i might be a little inaccurate when it comes to her!

who’s the most ticklish character

i think it'd be ruan mei! she doesn't really mind, though, and i think she'd be interested in why she's so ticklish compared to her teammates or why people laugh when tickled. yeah tbh i think she'd find tickling fascinating because what is the evolutionary advantage of being born with a trait that can be so debilitating

who’s the character that most people would assume isn't ticklish, but actually is

black swan because she literally does not have a body lmao BUT you can still tickle her in dreams and such! it surprised her too when she first became a memokeeper and felt the light breeze tingle against her back in a dream like bruh what was even the point of giving up your body if you can still feel stuff asdlkfjs

who’s the character that everyone gangs up on and tickles

oh it's absolutely luocha because he's the only guy on the team and you cannot convince me that kafka doesn't get the others to tickle him to tears. she tells him that it could be ten times worse but they don't want to ruin his pretty face~ also they'd love to tease him to get him to reveal his true identity like "are u really a merchant? what's in that coffin of yours hm?"

who’s the character that somehow knows everyone else’s tickle spots and reveals them to others

oh it is absolutely black swan because she collects memories due to her memokeeper job, so she knows where everyone has been tickled and which spots are the best. she wouldn't go around spreading them so blatantly though but might subtly drop a spot like "ah luocha, i came across the cutest memory of your friends tickling you~ i think they were counting your ribs? absolutely heartwarming." also i've mentioned this before but ruan mei would be good at guessing just based on the vibes people give off

who's the character with one specific tickle spot that only one other person knows about

ok idk if you remember but during the recent story quest but there was a shot of black swan's back turned to the camera and there was a good view of the beauty mark on her back which i'm pretty sure they wanted to show off for whatever reason but ya kafka saw the beauty mark too and was like "you got a bit of dirt there, pretty lady" and gave her a poke and when black swan jumped she was just like "whoops~"

who’s the most likely to win gang tickle wars

i'm going to assume these tickle wars occur in a dream bc well black swan does not have a body and she has the ability to choose who gets to see her so you probably can't tickle her irl and that's just not fair lol but even in a dream it's still black swan! like have you seen her burst?? she summons those giant arms and they have claws too!! and she can make people forget things for a moment, so they're like what were we doing again?? but ya black swan is the tickle monster if black swan chooses to play fair, then it's kafka because kafka comes from a place where the people do not feel fear (her backstory makes her sound like some eldritch horror) so she will do absolutely anything to win. also she still has the ability to influence people's minds and can use that to turn the tables when things do start getting bad like "listen, you will tickle luocha"

which character has a kink for tickling

i feel like the easy answer here is kafka so maybe her? BUT i just have this feeling in my soul that would luocha would have a tickle kink too idkidk he's giving me "magikarp in the streets, gyarados in the sheets" vibes, like i just feel that he's into some shit more out there than just tickling, but also tickling is one of his kinks

which character didn’t even know they were ticklish until another character tickled them

kafka because no one has ever tried to tickle her before because of how turly frightening she is but black swan does not fear her and since she does not have any memories of kafka being tickled, she had to just create some for herself

which two characters have tickle fights all the time

i think ruan mei would have this one-sided interest in tickling black swan because how does being a memokeeper work? does she feel tickles the same way humans do? will she get tired when tickled for long periods of time or is her energy endless? these are all questions that black swan has answered for her already but ruan mei will still go out of her to try and tickle her from time to time i think kafka would also bully luocha because only one of them can be aloof and mysterious. she later finds out that luocha is actually a pretty skilled tickler too when he wants to be and she has to put a lot more effort into these things than initially expected

[azsazz]

honestly feel really bad for azriel in mm. i would have actually left when i saw my friends brought someone they know i dont like without telling me, that's a pretty shitty thing to do and one of my biggest boundaries and then them making plans without even telling him is bad too like i get what rhys said that they were being assholes at first because they were but pushing two people that don't want to be together is still a shitty way to go about it. like even with reader she likes cass but not rhys and is being almost forced to hang out with him because of the thing with feyre which looks like fey didnt even really explain to her and idk seeing your friends put romantic relationships in front of you sucks.

obviously the point of the story is that they end up together so they'll have to solve it i guess but yeah everyone is acting badly to azriel and reader, especially to az bc that last scene of him staying back at home and the implication being that he can solve it by going with his friends to hang out with someone who makes him uncomfortable and they know it is so sad. he was excited to work on rhys' tattoo and instead just got left behind, maybe im seeing too much of myself in mm az but it made me kinda mad at rhys and cass

hi hi-

i actually love you bringing this up because there's some great points here and i'm honored that this story can evoke such conversation

so, i totally get what you're saying here and that is so valid. it actually reminds me of something that happened over my weekend which was a similar situation. i was going out and i knew there was going to be someone i didn't like there but i went anyway because you know i need to go out and live my life and not let anyone stop me. and i'd been invited by a friend so i said yes. it's a little different because obviously reader/az didn't know that the other would be there, so i totally see your perspective on it!

i think maybe also azriel just could've assumed that he'd be hanging out with rhys and cass on the weekends so he wouldn't ask if they had already made plans, and i could see cass and rhys not bringing up their planned engagements because they know azriel is kind of a lone wolf and sometimes goes off by himself and they know he doesn't care for reader so they just didn't say anything.

fey def trying to keep whatever is happening with her and rhys a secret 👀 which is def shitty to do to her roommate/best friend but again, fey could be feeling awk by bringing it up to reader again because she knows how much she doesn't like these guys. except cass

in the end, i think the same can be said where az might've just figured they'd all be chilling or what not so he was working on rhys' tattoo. i don't think their plans are solidified it's kind of like oh yeah we always chill so it goes unmentioned, which is also shitty, you're right, because cass and rhys would feel the same way and they really should've told az that they had plans.

you have absolutely every right to feel the way that you're feeling and thank you for bringing up these points and letting me know how you feel! I appreciate it 💙

[just-another-author-i-guess]

Why I’ve been gone? (:

Hi! Hello, I hope everyone is having a good summer and such. This is kinda an update? On my life and such bc I feel bad going ghost all the time.. lol. This is going to be a bit of a rant about some personal issues and stuff, so if you feel like you’re not mentally ready or something to get into other people’s problems, I understand so well and please don’t read, but I hope you have a nice day (; anyway, let me get into it.. cause a lot of stuff happened for me I think, and honestly I don’t know where else to get it out than here lol. So I hope this kinda puts into perspective why I go ghost so much.

So… I sorta just, had a bit of a breakdown and I didn’t show up to any of my exams. And yk, of course I got kicked out of school. I don’t even really mind that much because I REALLY didn’t want to go there anymore lol, but my family was so disappointed. And I had to tell them I just dropped out because they would literally disown me if I said I got kicked out 🤨 so that’s just been, pretty stressful living with all my own lies lol. And it’s totally my own fault too 💀

Anyways, I also just last month got diagnosed with autism and adhd and I kinda did have lt suspicions but it’s just.. it’s a lot honestly, because even though it doesn’t really change anything I feel like I have to live with a diagnosis. I don’t know, but I’m glad I at least got a good explanation for why I do some silly and goofy things sometimes 😀

The last thing I don’t want to get into too much.. because it’s still kinda fresh I suppose? But I really need to get it off my chest soooo 🧍🏻‍♀️But, I got bullied like A LOT in eight grade, very fun yk it really gave me some silly ass self esteem issues but it is what it is. Anyways, two of my really good friends bullied me too then, or at least I felt like they were part of it. But that’s just from my perspective, I kinda got over it because they’re my oldest friends and I feel like stuff went back to normal (a lot of time has passed I’m obviously not in eighth grade no I’m eighteen 😸) but, idk it’s still kinda just a not so nice memory. And I feel like we all apologized to each other and it’s fine and all.. but then I was joking a lot about it because that’s what you do when you don’t wanna process something yk. And they got really really mad at me and said that they never bullied me and that I gaslight them into thinking they did and whatever. And I feel so fucking bad because first off I didn’t even know I did that? I don’t feel like I’m doing that? But uhhh.. idk, maybe I am really tone deaf or something. But the point is that they said I keep playing victim and they did nothing wrong, and I CANNOT handle confrontation so I just apologized a lot? Because I feel terrible? But also.. it felt like I just apologized for getting bullied which like, it has even taken me SO MUCH to admit that I did get bullied. The whole situation just left a sour taste in my mouth cause they were being weirdly defensive and I just.. idk it just suck balls man. After all that, I kinda decided to cut them off. Maybe I am the bad guy here and I’m so fucking sorry, but still, I just don’t think that what they said and did was right either. It sucks losing your oldest friends, it really does. But I’m very lucky to have really kind and supportive friends still, people that really value me and thinks that my thoughts and opinions are valid lol. Idk,,, I’ve just been thinking about this a lot haha 🥸

That was kinda a summary for what I’ve been doing over the summer,,, thank you if you read it, I’m really not asking for pity or anything I just really really really needed to get this off my chest. Because I don’t really confide in ppl bc I’m awkward lmfao.

Anyways, I’ve gotten SO MANY kind messages on how I’m doing and such and I’m so fucking grateful 🥹🥹🥹 thank you so much you guys??? That’s also a part of why I wanted to share this with you, just so yk what’s up. I’ll get started slowly on working on requests again, I’ve gotten so many wonderful requests and I’m actually really excited to write again, cause it’s kinda my passion yk. Thank you so much to anyone who read this! And anyone who supports my works!! I’ll hopefully post again soon and see you then 😁

Love, Author <33

(Also, btw CHARACTER AI YALL?!?? I’ve already made an account and I’ve started making some bots, lemme know if I should drop my account haha)

[tuiyla]

so is it just me that is disgusted by finntana as a friendship...everyone in the fandom seems to want them as friends but i'd love it if they stayed as far away from each other as possible. i hated all of their interactions on the show and i don't get why people enjoy them.

i'm interested in your thoughts bc i know you don't like finn that much and santana's your fave

Phew, okay Anon, that's certainly something worth discussing.

I'm 100% behind you in terms of your right to dislike the friendship and I think it's perfectly okay to not want the two to have anything with each other. To say there's a lot of baggage there would be to put it mildly and the show seeing nothing wrong with, you know, the outing of it all, just makes it worse. I totally get why you'd say that.

With that said, and with your assessment of my feelings on Finn and Santana individually being correct, I kinda like it. But in that complicated sort of way that usually categorizes my feelings on anything Glee-related. Out of all my Santana bro ships I'd rank Finntana pretty low but like with most Glee dynamics I wish we saw more of them as friends.

Have only been thinking about this for five minutes but I think there are two aspects to it, for me: one is the thematic importance of their stories and the other is just me wishing everyone was friends and wanting fiction, at least, to be happy. The first one is easier to explain, though I could go into more detail at a later time if anyone would like to have that discussion. Basically, I think Finntana can be really fascinating narrative foils and parallels at different points in their stories. All the ~popular kids~ interconnect thematically imo and with Finntana it's mostly a contrast that then slowly turns into a parallel in late season 3 with neither knowing what the future holds. So I think it would have been neat to explore that and maybe have some scenes between the two in season 4.

The second, I mean, look. I always try to make it clear that Finn pisses me off so, so much even beyond the outing but if I wanna be honest, that is the one thing I just cannot get past. So my way of coping with the travesty that was IKAG and the narrative pretending like it never happened in terms of their friendship is wishing they had an actual friendship. And that's hard to reconcile with actual canon but the alternative is loathing every interaction they have. Which, to be clear, is a valid perspective to have and I don't blame you for feeling that way.

I think part of me wanting this friendship is also the fiction part like I said, which is a) appreciating the friendship Naya and Cory had and wishing it translated. And b) if human connection can't always persevere in real life then let it do so in fiction. What I mean by that is that Finn and Santana are, canonically, two people who have used and hurt each other. They have mutually caused each other pain, on varying levels, and while that's Not Great I am a big believer in forgiveness and learning to love people despite whatever might have happened in the past. So in my ideal Glee world, Finn and Santana would not only have come to a mutual understanding because of their arcs paralleling but because they're both making the conscious effort to forgive, do things to be worthy of that forgiveness, and heal together. I like to believe in the power of moving forward.

I think there could be beauty in that, narratively, and I'm assuming people find comfort in viewing Naya and Cory's characters as friends. But once again I do get what you're saying and with everything that went down between Finn and Santana, it's valid that some don't want the two to have anything to do with each other. What's comforting to some can be infuriating to others. I've seen fics before where Finntana were friends but in a way I don't vibe with, such as following the show's logic and saying Finn was actually showing he cared by outing her. Instead of dealing with the fact that he wasn't, actually. So anyway it is a complex topic and as always the best we can do is just accept all perspectives. I certainly see yours. Just for me, personally, one of the only things keeping me from finding Finn completely unbearable is pretending that there's a Glee timeline out there where this friendship could have worked.

[meetmeatthecoda]

Okay so, I wanted to offer my two cents on that ask about Liz’s reaction in Luther Braxton: Conclusion. This is NOT meant as an attack on anyone—I find it 100% valid that the OG nonny (and anyone who related to them, including you dear Coda 💖💖💖) feels the way they do; they can’t control how they reacted to Liz any more than I can control how I reacted to that ask. Plus like, this is all fiction so no harm done? I purely wish to share my perspective, not ~present a counterargument~ or anything like that. :) Apologies in advance for how long this got. 😅😅😅

I get why you would react negatively to Liz’s screaming at Red, but I feel like?? That incident of all the times she’s treated him unjustly was (one of?) the most reasonable. Now, how she continues to act afterwards (regarding the Fulcrum but also, like, for the rest of the show welp) is 100% a continued bad decision in so many ways on her part and reflects terribly on her character, but her reaction in the immediate aftermath?? IDK, I feel the need to kind of defend her, probably because I absoluuuutely saw myself in her when she did that. I’ve (I shamefully admit) yelled, shoved, and even kicked at loved ones when they just wanted to comfort me but their attempts made me feel cornered and small. I’ve made logically unbased and ethically/emotionally unfair accusations against people who’ve done nothing but try to help me when I just needed something to get them away (literally or otherwise). When I just needed to attack something—take out my frustrations and confusion and fear and anger on someone. (And if Liz was like that, she might have latched onto Red as her target because he was the closest thing—physically, emotionally, and even in relation to the cause of that confusion and anger itself.) I have inflicted real harm on people while in an unsettling or unfamiliar mental state—harm that I couldn’t take back even when I could look back with a clear(er) mind and realize I never should have said/done any of that.

(Also, side note: when I first watched that ep and I saw Liz screaming at Red not to touch her?? I’d actually thought they were depicting her as being touch-averse due to the trauma and/or overstimulation, and I was?!! Like, call me badly coping but I appreciate seeing characters not being comfortable or straight-up being aggressive about being touched, even for just a moment, because that is me 24/7. Then of course a few more seconds and it turns out it’s not actually that?? Liz is just repulsed by Red’s Bad Guyness again apparently?? Whenever I rewatch the ep I still choose to see it as overstimulation though because, well… my heart is clearly very talented at choosing comfort characters for me. 🥲🥲🥲)

So speaking from personal experience, coming out of a trauma (or revisiting an unresolved one) is so stressful that it’s only natural to react explosively—even to the extent of unfairness and unreasonableness—in an attempt to protect or heal yourself, whether that attempt be justified or not. And honestly, I could even make the argument that for Liz, her attempt was to some extent justified. Of course Red would never hurt her, but sometimes a person needs breathing space. Like, literally needs. Maybe for the sake of her mental stability/health, Liz should have had her first moments coming up from her trance to herself. Does that make sense?? IDK if I made any sense there; I just know that while I never could have gotten to the place I’m at now without the EVENTUAL professional and personal support I’ve been blessed with, I also can’t fathom how much more mental anguish I would have experienced if I’d had people who knew me (or like, the “closest person” in Liz’s case) see me in the immediate aftermath of my trauma. Just… The state I was in? Yikes, am I glad only I saw myself pull myself together; I’d have had so much more to worry about with others seeing me like that. That might just be me and totally inapplicable to Liz of course, so I digress!

I’m not saying Liz isn’t responsible for her words/actions simply because they happened while she was in utter emotional upheaval and under mental and physical duress—Red definitely did NOT deserve that treatment from her. He did NOTHING WRONG. But with that kind of complex angst comes the inevitably mixed but nonetheless potent reactions of fans, I completely understand that. Everyone has different experiences and thus different viewpoints, and that’s fine and totally healthy in my book. Still, something about that discussion struck a chord with me—you can (and should) hold someone accountable for the harm they do while mentally unstable, but it’s possible and also healthy to do that without, yourself, harboring anger or resentment against them, you know? I had to teach myself (and those around me) that, so I guess I just wanted to put it out there. Again, I don’t mean to start anything and I’m so, so sorry if I inadvertently have. I hope it’s okay that I came here to explain my thoughts (and so wordily too, ack I’m sorry), and if not, I won’t anymore. Thank you for hearing me out this time though, I really appreciate it. :)

Dear anon!! 🤗🥰❤️ Firstly, I want to thank you for your kindness & respect for other's opinions!! This ask was worded in the sweetest, most considerate way & I appreciate it very much!! There's absolutely no need to apologize for having your own opinion & perspective, especially when you share & explain it so nicely, so never fear!! 😊❤️ Moving on to the meat of your ask - which is in regards to this previous one - you make such a good point!! When you look at it that way, the Luther Braxton Post-Memory-Unearthing Screaming Explosion is perhaps Liz's most justifiable negative reaction in the series LOL I guess looking back from where we are now - knowing all about & being completely fed up with all of Liz's awful writing & characterization in the subsequent seasons - it's easy to dismiss her reaction in Luther Braxton as something unreasonable & irritating & unfair to Red (which, to some extent - as you graciously allow - it is). But - as you generously point out - while that's a valid way of looking at it, it's also definitely worth examining from another point of view!! And I think your point of view (in everything ofc, but particularly in this) is so valuable!! I can relate at least on some level... I have definitely snapped at people, even those trying to help me, verbally & otherwise, when I lost my temper & just needed some space!! In fact, I think that's a pretty universal stress reaction & it's not necessarily something to be super ashamed of (but definitely something to be aware of & work on - a good reminder for us all!!) & it's definitely not a stretch to imagine Liz was going through something similar after being effectively water-boarded & having her memories so unceremoniously rifled through!! And, after all, Liz has one thing we generally don't... a perfect, convenient, willing catalyst for all the negative things in her life: Red (however undeserving of that title he may be.)

(And re: sidenote of touch-averse!Liz - Omg, I definitely thought about that being their angle at first too!! While I don't usually default to reacting that way myself [kind of the opposite for me usually LOL] I know that plenty of people do & it's 1000% valid as a coping mechanism & honestly??? A touch-averse Liz would be one of the more realistic reactions she's ever had 😂😭 especially considering the circumstances!! And hey, no shame about gravitating towards that interpretation bc it's 1) less painful for you & 2) you like comfort characters bc you 👏 do 👏 you 👏 but also?? I can't say anything bc the reason that I like that interpretation??? I love the angst of an overwhelmed & touch-averse!Liz unintentionally shattering Red's heart by completely rejecting his well-meaning physical comfort anddddd I'm not sure what that says about me tbh 😂😂😂)

Long story short, anon, you made perfect sense here, not to worry!! You were so respectful & cognizant of others' feelings, thank you so much for that, it doesn't go unnoticed!! You bring such a good point to the discussion with your perspective & outlook & I'm so thankful you chose to contribute!! I loved reading your thoughts & don't worry at all about the length, I appreciate your thoroughness!! (Plus, we all know I'm hardly one to talk, I never use one word when twenty will do 😂) Please don't hesitate to come back to my inbox any time to discuss whatever you like, I always love a little bit of friendly TBL conversation, especially since the show as we know it is so abruptly & unexpectedly over 😭 Yes, still grappling with that, in case you were wondering 🥲 Anyway, thank you again for your lovely ask, anon, I appreciate you greatly, & much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

[dbtskills]

Psychiatric Hospitalization 101

So you’re about to save your own life by going to the hospital- here’s what you need to know:

~disclaimer: I am not a healthcare professional nor have I worked in a hospital. I am simply someone who has been hospitalized multiple times. This is about acute, short-term psych hospitalization. My word is not law~

The Truth

First off, let me tell you the truth. The truth is that being hospitalized is one of the bravest things you can do. You have chosen (or perhaps you haven’t) to save your own life. Not to beat the physical vs mental illness comparison to death, but conceptually this is like going to the hospital with a broken leg to get a cast. You’re treating an acute wound, going to get a tune up, going to a safe place to heal. Unfortunately there is a stigma involved. It’s been decreasing recently and I think you’ll find psych hospitalization is a lot more common than you imagine. But it still exists. You can be proud of taking this step. It will be hard, but you’ve made the right choice.

When to consider hospitalization

Being suicidal is one of the most common reasons for hospitalization. Psychosis, panic attacks, and substance abuse are others. The main factor for choosing to hospitalize is whether you think you can survive the episode you’re having. If you’re even questioning it, hospitalization is probably a good idea. If you’re choosing between your life and the hospital, the hospital is always the right answer even if it doesn’t seem that way at the time.

The process

There are two ways to be hospitalized: through the ER and straight to the unit. The ER is the most common way. Occasionally your therapist or psychiatrist or other healthcare provider will be able to bypass the ER for you and get you straight into a bed on a unit. If you have this opportunity, definitely take it.  

If you go the ER route, you arrive and explain why you’re there. You’ll then be taken back into a room- sometimes a private room, sometimes a communal psych room. Sometimes your phone will be taken. A guard will be stationed near you to ensure you do not hurt yourself or try to run away. You may wait for hours. You’ll see a psychiatrist who will determine whether to commit you to the psych unit or send you home. If they decide to commit you, you’ll be wheeled to the unit.

For me, the worst part of the process is the ER. You’re often helped by healthcare professionals who are judgmental of mental illness or are too busy to enact kindness. It can be a very dehumanizing experience. You may regret coming to the hospital, but you did the right thing. Saving your life is always the right thing. It’s okay to regret it for a bit as long as you follow through.

What to pack

Your belongings will be confiscated upon your arrival but if you have a chance to pack or if you have someone to bring you stuff, consider these:

A warm comfy outfit like sweats (but without a string at the waist!!!!!! take it out or they won’t let you have them!), SOCKS, pjs. Loungewear basically. The hospital provides basic toiletries, socks, and gowns/scrubs/paper pants. They can provide underwear and pads as necessary. Pack a hair brush if you’ve got tangly hair bc whatever they give you will NOT suffice.

You may want to bring your medications just in case the hospital doesn’t have them in their pharmacy but you will not have access to them, all your meds will come from the hospital itself.

Books! Some hospitals have a small library but you can bring your own if they’re deemed appropriate by the staff. They provide stuff like coloring pages, puzzles, games, etc but it can get p boring.

BRING A WRITTEN LIST OF IMPORTANT PHONE NUMBERS. YOUR PHONE WILL BE TAKEN.

You will have to ask to have items you arrived with brought to you from your belongings bag. Occasionally they will be reluctant, but you can self-advocate your way through it. 

On the unit

If you came to the hospital in the evening you may get little sleep that first night. You have to do the intake where they ask you all the questions and you sign a bunch of forms. You must be up for breakfast the next day. That first day you won’t get to choose your own meals but you will fill out a meal card for the next day. 

Most of your day will consist of shuffling between different mental health groups. Mental Health Professionals (often social work masters students) run groups on addiction, coping skills, community resources, gratitude etc etc in addition to your stereotypical group therapy. There are 3 meals a day, snacks available, and lots of downtime. There’s also activity hour where you do crafts or play games. During activity hour in my last hospitalization I painted a cackling coffin (it was October). 10/10. 

You will have a roommate. My experience is that you both mind your own business while being kind and it’s generally okay. 

They will take your blood pressure and vitals at least once a day. It’s annoying but necessary. They may do labs and draw your blood depending on your circumstances. If you have a physical illness as well, it may be a battle to make sure you are seen and treated for that too. All I can say is be your best advocate. 

You will not have your cell phone. This will be stressful at first but hopefully nice after a bit. You can call whomever you want using the hospital phones that are on during downtime. You may have to ask the staff to dial if it’s out of the hospital area code. People can also call you if they know where you are. Do what you need to do but also don’t be the Phone Hogger bc we all want to use it too. 

Visitors are allowed during certain hours. It’s not like a regular hospital visiting situation where they can just sit by your bed for hours. It’s like once a day for an hour you can get a visitor, no more than two at a time or whatever the rules are. No one can visit or call you without your permission. Visits by loved ones are so so nice and make you feel human again. I would encourage finding someone you trust who can visit you. It can make a world of difference. 

"How can I get out faster?”

This is a hack question tbh. I know everything sucks but you are there to heal first and foremost. Generally they release you when the psychiatrist thinks you’re ready to go. The average stay for something like an acute suicidal episode is 3-5 days. That’s enough time in the dr’s eyes for you to stabilize and receive any medication changes. If you are on the unit voluntarily, you can technically leave at any time. I’m not sure I’ve seen anyone insist on it though. Ask your doctors when they are considering releasing you so you can plan. They may change their answer so casually check in now and then.

Go to groups and participate in them. If you're hiding in your room all day the nurses will notice and they do write that down. There may be many people on the unit, but the nurses are keeping track and taking roll. If you can, be open, honest and compliant with your treatment team. Now there’s a part of me that goes “Fuck The System!!!! Fuck being compliant! I am my own woman and my illness is Me and not something to be stigmatized or hidden. Take me to Bitch Planet, bitch!!!” This is totally valid. You just have to decide what is more important to you- being noncompliant in the face of a judgmental system or getting back to the world. As much I want to rebel, my perfectionism and people pleasing tend to kick in by the second day on the unit. 

The aftermath & “what do I tell people?”

When you are being prepped for release, you must have appointments with your outpatient treatment team set up. If you don’t already, the hospital will schedule them for you. If there’s someone who can pick you up, utilize that. Otherwise they may set you up with a cab or something depending on the location. You will be given the bag containing your phone and other belongings upon release. 

It is up to you to decide what to tell people about your stay on the unit. You can be honest with whomever you choose, but you don’t have to be. You can say you were out of town or had a family emergency or whatever you want. It is not your responsibility to break the stigma. If you can and want to, go for it! We will all appreciate it. But you don’t have to advocate if you don’t feel comfortable. I tell many of my friends and family the full truth and then tell others that I was “in the hospital.” If they ask questions I say I don’t want to talk about it. This works better than you might think. (It surprised me how respectful people are when you say you don’t want to talk about something.) Most people won't even ask, tbh. 

It's not all garbage

It’s not all drugged up zombies and Dissociation Time: my last experience was pretty lit. We had morning “stretches” to ‘80s bops. We played Wii bowling. We discussed aliens and conspiracy theories.  In a place with such a heavy stigma on it, it was a surprisingly Shame-Free environment. It was comforting to be in a place where everyone Got It. At night we would get our meds and then drift off to bed one by one as the meds hit to goodnights of “ope, the Seroquel’s kicking in.” The variety of people on the unit proves that mental illness affects everyone, from the college student to the 75-year-old retired man to the soccer mom with 3 kids. And they each have different ways of coping, different perspectives on their situation. These other perspectives can be inspiring, even helpful and you may pick up as many tips from your peers as the actual professionals. Respect your peers, don’t be that person who’s like “why am I, Normal Person, locked up with all these Crazy People?” If you’re in there, you’re all in the same boat. Crazy is a slur and no one there is crazy unless they choose to reclaim the term.

The staff can be quite kind as well. I once had a nurse go down to the gift shop to get me a tiny hair brush for my waist-length tangled hair. He didn’t have to put in that effort but he did. This past time I had an MHP sit with me after a session and develop personalized affirmations that she wrote in my journal with her gorgeous, swooping handwriting. It’s small things like these that end up mattering most in an environment that can feel harsh. There can be great kindness there, under all the rules and regulations, you just have to be open to it.

I’ve made a wide range of friends in hospitals. Ones I’d never have even encountered in real life. Even though we haven’t kept in touch, I think of them often. My roommate with terminal kidney failure who got ECT twice a week but took the time to ask how I was. A recent immigrant from Nepal who didn’t speak any English but with whom I communicated anyway. Sandy, my homeless roommate who gave me all of her toiletries instead of taking them with her. Trevor, a young heroin addict who guarded my chocolate cake when I had a phone call. Curtis, a retired professor deep in psychosis whom we taught to Wii bowl. There are so many different lives that tangle with each other on the unit. In this way I consider it a gift, to have a window into all these different worlds that are connected by this one string. I’ll never see these people again, but I’ll never forget them either. I hope they’re all still out there, getting by.

Getting hospitalized can be one of the scariest and hardest experiences but it is also one of the bravest. You saved your own life. Even if you didn’t bring yourself in, your participation saved it. It is a chance to reorient yourself to life, to recovery. It is a second, a third, a 15th chance. It’s like a terrible mini vacation. Responsibilities are lifted so you can focus on yourself. Utilize it if you can.

Again, my word is not law, it is based on my own experiences on the inside and outside of psych units. Please please reply or send asks with your own information. I know I’m not the only one on here who’s been hospitalized. We are legion. We survived. We survive. 

**Note from Kat: I am trying to learn graphic design (is my passion™) but the struggle is real and it does NOT come naturally so if anyone wants to help hmu!!!!! Can’t pay obvi but can link!**

[danieshub-criticalcaptures]

RP WIP ZONE for when the WiFi mcfucking dies or is otherwise unreliable(same anon, had to retype this bcs tumblr ate it the first time. It’s not as good) It’s definitely a pretty complex topic to be sure. I do think people should be able to explore whatever topics in fiction that they want (with some erring on the side of caution to have some taste/respect and do research if it’s something they’re unfamiliar with) but it’s a massive gray zone with a really blurry line between ‘exploration’ (1/?)

and just being like “well I’m writing this bcs I can’t do it IRL so fiction it is hehehoo I wish I could tho” . I see your point abt wanting to put something online to be heard rather than venting in a private diary but my worry with that is like,, a retraumatization issue? Like they’ll accidentally open themselves up to be hurt again (like some bozo telling them that their vent fiction is hot/sexy/generally being gross at them) or something else unintended but unpleasant. And for the (2/?)

‘writing a bad character from their perspective where they’re Right’ thing that’s totally valid; it doesn’t/shouldn’t take a genius to figure out that just because THEY think they’re right doesn’t mean YOU do. It’s interesting to explore fucked up mindsets but it’s again a matter of knowing what you’re doing and getting into. I’m fairly sure I lost the point I wanted to make in this response but I hope something got across? Cheers, and good day!

oh and yeah Disc Horse = Discourse but like written differently (but same general intent tho)

Lol so Disc Horse is kinda like.  “I am here to discuss The Tea but not in a wild way,” like a sort of reassurance that we’re here for Civilized Discussion If Possible before we even get started by making it sound somewhat sillier/more gentle.  Or I guess that’s how I’m reading it haha.  Thank you for clarifying!!

ALSO RIP WIFI. . .god my wifi was acting a fucking mess like last week so I Know That Feel Bruh.  Akhursgb nonetheless, it’s good to me!!  I honestly do appreciate that we’re having a Talk this way haha maybe because rambling is something I do well.

[there’s a cut here--now and then the cuts and their content go away and I feel the need to say that in case somehow it makes it look like I didn’t answer the question at all hhahaha lol]

It is absolutely complex, yeah.  Like even I don’t wanna be too liberal with it because then people think they can get away with things, but I also feel like it shouldn’t be restrained. . .it’s more like ‘I don’t trust people,’ yeah lmao I.  Feel like there’s probably an element of ‘therapeutic escape’ even when it’s a matter of ‘I can’t do this IRL so I’ll write it instead’--outletting and all, but yeah at that point it’s like. . .the respect matter comes into play real hard with something like that.  The outlet is good, way better than actually going out and doing something, but.  The way you say it and handle that fact overall is.  Important.  It’s good to be honest but there are things you don’t yell from the high heavens.

And oh wow I didn’t even consider the retraumatization aspect. . .yeah that’d be. . .I’d love to say ‘they could say it’s a vent/trauma/recovery outlet type of writing and ask that people be careful in their commenting’ but, again, people cannot be trusted lmao. . . .harsh as it is to say, those’re kinda the risks one takes putting things online or being online in general. . .of course it’s not deserved or justified, but. . .that risk is there.  But lately it’s begun to occur to me that some people may not know about that risk/threat. . .like what’s simple internet knowledge and stuff to be aware of to me isn’t something everyone has in mind/considers. . .hhh that des complicate the idea yeah, the idea can definitely get questionable to bad when that’s an issue.

Yeah!!  I think that way but I’ve absolutely had people misinterpret that my character has this interest or mindset means I do too, and I know it happens now and then to others too. . .that’s why IC=/=OOC is like my #1 rule lol I SWEAR I AM NOT A CRIMINAL I JUST PLAY THEM ON THE INTERNET AND KNOW HOW TO USE GOOGLE.  But there’s also anxiety issues and like people with problems perceiving reality. . .so while it shouldn’t be an issue, now and then it is and now and then not entirely at the fault of the person having that issue.  ;w;;;  But I guess that’s why we have those disclaimers here and there I suppose. . . .

BUT YEAH I think I follow what you’re saying!!  Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, friend!  /o/  It’s good to see/hear other people saying ‘it’s a gray issue’ when I often see other people saying “nope you just can’t do that” lmao then again. . .that happens on the internet, you’ll often see the loud and protestable content before other things. . .hopefully someday there can be some measures in place to make these things. . idk safer to do and portray, easier to obscure from those who need it hidden away, and so on.  Until then, publishing these things will definitely hold a risk factor but. . .it’s not usually anybody’s fault in particular as long as all measures have been taken.

You have a good day(or. . .have had a good past few days. . .and a good today and tomorrow just to be sure I cover that period of time.  And y’know what, have a good upcoming week too lol) too!!  o/

[kingofthewilderwest]

Being someone new to the fandom after following the series for a long time, I was curious: Why do fans seem to argue so much about if the series are canon or not? Personally I find them interesting but.. Less canon, I guess? Than the movies, but I still enjoy watching, and I'm super happy people love it bc any new content is great. Yet browsing the tags I keep finding people complaining that the shows are/aren't canon in a way that really makes you feel bad if you disagree? I'm just confused :/

Hey there, friend! Any new content is a great thing indeed, I’m with you there! It’s something I’m rather thankful for. Whether or not everyone is invested in new material, there’s something cool to say on the matter that we have the blessing of being given more material to experience within our fandom franchise.

Before we begin, I’ll plop links to my prior posts on the RTTE canon discussion (mostly my opinion on the matter, which is canon =/= consistency):

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

And another good post (not mine) about different angles of analyzing a story:

[Watsonian and Doylist]

Sorry that you’ve had a potentially unpleasant experience browsing through the tags for this matter! I absolutely love the HTTYD fandom to tears and love the people in it, but yeah, this is a major point of contention within the community sometimes. 

I’d say that as with anything in any fandom, when there’s material some people like and some people don’t, there’s going to be discussion, disagreement, and sometimes butting heads over it. Some people adore Race to the Edge. Some people don’t. Some people take it seriously. Some people don’t. That’s okay and awesome! We’re all allowed our preference, and frankly communities are better places when people don’t all have the same brain about a matter. Not everyone’s going to like the same thing or look at something from the same angle and that’s the entire point about being unique human beings. We need different perspectives, and if we know how to handle different perspectives, we grow and develop and have better times because of it.

What it does mean, though, is that some fans find RTTE to be full of contradictions to the timeline of the movie trilogy. They’ll talk about how Hiccup’s characterization doesn’t make sense in the context of HTTYD, GOTNF, and HTTYD 2. They’ll talk about how in a world that was supposed to be at peace for the five years between movies one and two, there’s way too much chaos for RTTE to be “real events.” They’ll talk about how Hiccup encountering a Bewilderbeast or dragon trappers or lots of other dragon riders couldn’t happen before the events of HTTYD 2, because then it contradicts his reaction when he learns about Valka the mysterious dragon rider. And other such commentary. It’s hard to get into it all, here. 

Some people who take this position about RTTE being contradictory to [other] canon enjoy RTTE or have casual fun with RTTE. They may or may not call the show canonical. If they don’t call it canonical, it’s because they don’t see it as consistent with the rest of the franchise. Perhaps most of the people who take this position (I say this anecdotally though) don’t enjoy RTTE and don’t accept it… and probably don’t call it canon. While people do try to make logical arguments about the canonicity of RTTE, I know that many peoples’ emotional feelings toward the show get in the way of how they analyze it. It’s how lots of humans work, after all; if we don’t like something we’re less likely to accept something. But regardless, many people take the position that RTTE can’t be canonical because it seems riddled with contradictions compared to HTTYD, GOTNF, and HTTYD 2.

Others don’t see contradictions, try to smooth over contradictions, or don’t care about contradictions. People who call RTTE canonical are most likely people who like the show - again, showing how emotions get intertwined in our arguments, even when we’re trying to argue through logos. XD Most people who say RTTE is canonical either point out it’s really not as contradictory as others say… or if they’re like me… say that canonicity isn’t about consistency at all. Consistency is irrelevant to whether or not something is canonical; canonicity is about whether or not it was officially produced. And in the case of RTTE, it’s definitely not a fanfiction, it’s not made by some independent group of people without official studio authority… RTTE was produced and distributed by DreamWorks on official channels like Netflix, so it’s canon. For many people, it’s silly to revoke RTTE as canon, because whether or not you like the material, or whether or not you consider it consistent with the rest of HTTYD material, you shouldn’t be denying that official material is official material, right? 

The debate can get a little more in depth / complex than that, which you’ll see in the links. But that’s the gist of the main positions.

Honestly sometimes people talk past each other in this fandom discussion. People ARE, after all, using one word “canon” in several different ways - to talk about consistency, to talk about being officially produced, or both in one. (You can also talk about whether or not it’s as Big as the movies, aka a greater canon versus lesser canon thing). The different perspectives have valid points. But sometimes this turns into equivocating, and it’s largely because we’re specifically using the word “canon” to talk about: 

Consistency

Official production status

And then some people try to go after arguments of each, conflate the two issues into one, try to argue both things at once, and all sorts of various tangles. XD 

It’s basically the word “canon” has become problematic, because some people like RTTE, some people don’t, some people take RTTE seriously, some people don’t, some people think RTTE is contradictory, some people don’t, and we’re all trying to use one word to describe that. And we’re trying to use a word that has a lot of “power” behind it. The word “canon” is a pretty serious word - after all, it’s a word that elects whether or not something should be “included” (to some degree or another) in our fandom. So people don’t like hearing RTTE is or isn’t “canon,” given the power behind the word. The word “canon” elicits emotion. To call RTTE not canon could feel like an insult to the show, or to call RTTE canon would feel like inattentiveness to the movies, etc., depending on your position. Even with me, I admit I’m always working on pushing down a pet peeve I have when people treat canonicity as continuity.

I’ve given my piece on what the word “canon” means multiple times, and haha of course I think I’m totally right ;) XD, but given as I’d rather enjoy myself celebrating material I love rather than fall to a topic I consider a sometimes petty discussion (I say this with all love, fandom friends), I’ve elected to quit talking about this at all. It’s a topic I don’t need to be in and a topic I’m honestly tired of seeing. I’ve found a solution. I’ve quit using the spark-word “canon” altogether. I use the synonym “official materials.” I’ve made it quite clear with this synonym what I’m talking about, and no one can say RTTE isn’t official materials, whatever their opinion is on consistency.

Regardless, what’s important is that we all have fun enjoying the things we love. Fandom communities are about coming together and relating to materials we enjoy. If two people like RTTE, we can have fun with it! If two people don’t see eye-to-eye about RTTE, we can squeal about the movies excitedly! That’s truly the core of what it means to come together. 

To be a fandom community and have fun!

And really, even if the HTTYD fandom can get a little bit sour about the RTTE sometimes, all fandoms have their disagreements, and I’ve really found it to be an awesome community filled with lots of positivity, too. Hope you have fun in the fandom, friend, and feel free to shout about RTTE with me if you want!

But yeah that’s more or less why it’s gotten contention. “Canon” is an emotion-evoking word because it has a lot of “power” for what it means about the status of RTTE. Please, no one take my post, reblog it with your opinions on the matter, and spark up another round of debates. That will make me very displeased for you to take my post for that aim. Thanks for understanding!

Hopefully this explanation helps!

[midge-maisel]

hi i read 13rw a few years ago (i even remember when it was supposed to be a movie starring selena lol) and i really enjoyed the show but it kinda pissed me off how they changed hannah's overdose for what i believe was "shock value." i've been following you for a while and i was just wondering your opinion on this and if you've seen any of the show runners comment on this?

i'm gonna break this down a bit bc its a lot to discuss

your opinion on it being done for shock value is totally valid, i’m just gonna start there bc i feel like a lot of 13rw fans try to brush this aside, you have a right to feel this way, and everyone else who it didn’t sit well with are more than entitled to think so for whatever reason.

i feel like i’ve read why they changed it but i honestly just forget at this point lmao but some sleuthing on the internet you’ll probs find it, hOWEVER: i saw and met jay asher at a book talk a few days ago actually and he touched upon this briefly, how many people have reached out to him (and to him moreso bc the producers/creators of the show are a little more inaccessible than he is) telling him how much that scene meant to them, how much they NEEDED it that way, etc. and i feel like so many people are not thinking about these people ya know???

basically imo some people need the shock. they needed to see it. i’m not saying everyone needs it, can handle it, etc. fuck- i’m not even gonna say that MOST ppl need the shock bc i truly don’t know. but i don’t like how everyone is ignoring ppl who say how much this show helped them, how much that scene woke them up/helped them in whatever way.  like, i personally would have been okay had they not shown it, had it been more off scene, but idk i think its unfair to want a more “sanitized” [for lack of a better term] approach we typically see when it comes to suicide portrayals on tv. which i’m not knocking them bc they work for me, personally, like i still get hella fucked up thinking about cam saunders death in degrassi but for some people the way they handled it just didn’t work for them which, is a-okay bc we all just gonna hev some different opinions on this stuff.

i will say too, however, i have my own beef w/this scene. i’m okay with it being shown but, i didn’t like how they showed the “correct” way to do it. imo that was incredibly irresponsible on their part. i think overall, trigger warnings for this show should also have been much more specific. i really wish netflix would incorporate a feature into their website in general where ppl can “check” certain triggers they would like to be made aware of when watching something, so all the ~anti-trigger warnings bc spoilers!!!~ crowd can shut the fuck up. 

as for in general just the change between the methods of how she does it, and now i feel like i might be remembering what they said but aGAIN DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, with pills it might look a little less painful? i know there’s a lot more specifics as to what pills, etc, and sometimes you may get seizures when overdosing but for some it really is just like you’re falling into a deep sleep- and my guESS [and again pls don’t take my word for it] is that they were worried showing her dying by taking pills would be too peaceful.

for them showing the suicide in the first place, a lot of it had to do w/how in the book, he couldn’t have “shown” it regardless bc of how the book is formatted, when it takes place, etc. it’s from the perspective of clay listening to the tapes, which she completed and sent off before she dies, so you can’t really... describe it? if the format had been different i wonder if he would have written her suicide tbqh, i’m not sure. but i feel like bc they KNEW they wanted to show it they changed the “how” for reasons above, again, iMO. 

again this is all just my thoughts and perspective from what i’ve heard from jay, what i’ve read online, and what ppl have told me. i rlly truly am bummed out that ppl like to ignore those that say the scene helped them tho, bc i feel like that’s adding to the uproar a bit. [and i’ve fiRSTHAND had several ppl come tell me how that scene helped them but i’m not going into details bc its not my story to tell.]