random headcanons for the collar x malice boys that i can't stop thinking about
enomoto looks like the type of person to take it really personally when an animal doesn't like him. he's the type to pspspsps at a cat for several minutes, long after it has lost interest, just because he can't handle the rejection. he will whine about it for days afterwards, too, so you better help him pet that cat.
sasazuka has muted every single group chat he's ever been in. he also sleeps with his phone on do not disturb. do not reach out to this man in a crisis, he won't answer. (the only exception to this is during the x-day incidents-- after this, even those group chats are muted immediately).
okazaki loses the tv remote daily. do not let this man touch your remote unless you want it three feet deep in between couch cushions on the opposite side of the couch. he needs to chain it to his coffee table like a pen at the bank.
shiraishi doesn't listen to music. i mean it. if you ask him what his favorite band or artist is he does not have an answer. favorite song? nothing. he only hears music in passing on the radio. he does not understand why everyone thinks this is weird.
yanagi makes dad noises when he stands up from the couch or a chair. y'know how dads just kind of grunt when they get up? that's him. it's pretty quiet but definitely still there. mentioning this at all will make him self-conscious.
Collar x Malice reacts to "How about you rearrange my guts?" meme
Based off of this post on reddit, hehe.
Yanagi.exe has stopped working
You look at him with a smirk playing on your lips, and watch as his face goes 50 different beautiful shades of red
You can literally see the gears turning in this man's head as he tries to process what the actual fuck you just said to him
After a moment he sighs, and just shakes his head. Now he's the one whos smirking....
"I thought I did that last night? Or, was that not enough for you...?"
You texted the poor lad during your lunch break, and you swear you could hear his shriek from the rooftop where you ate your lunch
"(Y/N) are you ok?!!?!?" he texts back.
"What do you mean by sending that?!?!"
"What do you mean what do I mean- I mean what I said"
Yeah congrats, now you're gonna have to order a new Enomoto
They're $15 at Walmart right now, better hurry!
He literally doesn't respond for the rest of the day
But when he sees you in person at the end of the day, his face erupts into the deepest blush you've ever seen and he can't even look at you
"If that's... uh... really what you want..." he sharply inhales, before continuing "Then I, Mineo Enomoto, will fulfill your wish!" He says as he strikes a pose
On the outside he appears alright
But on the inside his organs are currently melting from the heat deep within him...
"Are you sure you should be saying something so lewd in public?"
This man always loves to startle you
You weren't even suppose to meet up today, and yet here he is at this crosswalk, leaning and looking over your shoulder like he had before (see: collar x malice unlimited)
"Takeru! Why do you always have to startle me!? T-T"
That fucking shit eating grin he's wearing right now just makes you want to push him off you
"It's not my fault you don't pay attention. You should be more aware of your surroundings, especially if you're trying to talk dirty in public."
"But it was a text-!"
You feel him peck your cheek before he removes himself from your shoulders
"If you're really in heat that badly, then wait for me tonight, dumb cat. Your master will give you a treat." He says with that same shit eating grin before he walks away
It takes the man a moment to reply to your text
"Will do! c(ˆ▿ˆc)"
"You're just.... not gonna say anything else about it?"
"Should I? (づ￣ ³￣)づ"
"Well uh... no, I guess not?"
"Alright then ( ＾◡＾)っ ♡"
The two of you were meeting up tonight, because Shiraishi was allowed to go home for the weekend
You had let yourself into his apartment to wait for him and noticed some things had changed
Most notably, some of the usual things that were out, like some books on the coffee table and whatnot were currently nowhere to be found
So you sent him the text, smiling to yourself as you wondered how he'd take the joke
After a few minutes, you're alerted to his response
"That was the plan"
"Why else do you think everything has been put away? Make yourself ready, I'll be there soon."
WHAT DOES HE MEAN 'MAKE YOURSELF READY'!?
"You're joking right?!"
"Nope." And with that, he sends a sly little cat sticker
Fucker always knows exactly what he's doing, doesn't he?
Fuck you Shiraishi
but also I love you
It had been a long, long time since you had last been in Saeki's small ass apartment
It's always been messy, but tonight it seemed a lot more organized and tidy then usual
So you joking recited the meme
He stops, and turns to you with huge eyes
You laugh at his reaction, which just makes him look like a kicked puppy
"Don't say things like that, or I might get the wrong idea... I'm still hopelessly single, you know."
I can change that no you are NOT saying that. no. stop it. bad.
Out of everyone, Saeki reacts the calmest, and doesn't take it seriously
....or so you think
When you're out of the room, he mumbles to himself as he's deep in thought
"So that's what you're into, eh (Y/N)...? Maybe some day I'll be able to treat you to your desires...."