#aki's thoughts

[osamusbigtits]

"YOU ARE MISINTERPRETING HIM" starter pack

EDIT: STOP SAYING OR THEM OR HER, I MADE THIS FOR LIKE MAYBE 10 PEOPLE TO SEE AND I HAD ONE SPECIFIC CHARACTER I WAS ANGRY ABOUT, I WAS NOT PLANNING ON EVERYONE SEEING. JUST TAG YOUR CHARACTER AND STOP BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.

[thelazyeditor-archive]

"Perhaps I am not worthy of their love."

[chodingjunior]

it's summer they go to the beach 🥰

[spicymotte]

nice seeing you again

[sugar-grigri]

Nayuta ? Or Makima ? Neither : Nayuta Hayakawa

What I already find fantastic It's that EVERYTHING, absolutely everything in this chapter has to be interpreted in reverse. If you want to know what it's about, you have to interpret it normally. To find out the answer, in reverse.

How did I come to this conclusion? The first part gives you the key :

An unknown lady comes to Nayuta's defense: she's only a child, don't attack her! Open your eyes! Come back to your senses for a second!

And even though Barem is there to trap her, paradoxically, humanity regains its senses, not by seeing Nayuta as just a child, but precisely by removing her status: she is indeed a threat to them.

You've already interpreted it right side up, so let's continue interpreting it upside down

The fact that she pities Denji and wants his heart doesn't mean that Nayuta is Makima, or that she's becoming Makima again.

Makima has never felt pity - she's never even seen Denji at all - so having pity is already a step in the right direction.

The former control demon was so powerful but also so distant that she couldn't even distinguish between human and CSM odors.

As for the fact that she wants his heart, Nayuta feels it before searching Denji's memory. This doesn't mean that the control demon instinctively wants to capture CSM. When Nayuta wants his heart, it's because she wants to be loved, and it's such a strange sensation that she feels lost.

What's more, when she repeats the plan of her former self, in reality, the equation is not at all the same. Even with the same plan, Makima and Nayuta don't follow the same trajectory. Let me explain: making Denji happy and then drastically taking everything away from him is the basis, but the control demon's position is different.

Makima wasn't enjoying this happiness, she was completely excluded from it. Whereas Nayuta is completely enmeshed in Denji's happiness, to the point of being genuinely happy about it too. This happiness was brutally taken away, and that's what happened, but it wasn't the control demon's fault this time.

What's more, Makima wanted a family even though she had no idea what it was, whereas Nayuta has a family but no idea what she is. That's a different question!

Once again, this chapter should be read through a staggering mirror.

The fact that she sees Denji as empty again shows that Nayuta sees Denji more as a shell than Makima, who was obsessed by the heart, by Pochita.

Moreover, the chapter betrays this way of presenting Nayuta, she's not cold like Makima, she can have fun like a child and does so sincerely, it's not a facade, simply a questioning of her own person.

I know that everything I'm saying may sound strange, especially when, if you pay attention to the staging, Denji and Nayuta are constantly going round in circles, faster and faster.

So this chapter gives the impression that everything is the confirmation of a cycle that's closing: Denji realizes once again that he has no family, while Nayuta reconnects with her old self

But for me, that's a hasty interpretation: don't read this chapter, just enjoy the last drop of it, so let's get on with it!

When Denji tells Nayuta that he's her family, it's not her who tells him that he should be ashamed of uttering such nonsense, it's Denji himself.

Denji finds it ridiculous to talk about family without understanding its meaning, after all, how can a child who has experienced the worst crime of all, parricide, understand what it means to be a family?

It's precisely by wanting to become Chainsaw Man that he understands.

His father, his blood relative, was not a parent, he mistreated his child: a parent doesn't behave like that.

Pochita is Denji's family, and he has a blood link with him; he's even the one who irrigates his veins: he's his heart.

What is Chainsaw Man? Nothing more than an empty shell, a bit of an answer to everything, on whom we pin all our hopes.

Makima did the same thing: this unattainable thing, this hero of the underworld, I'm unhappy because I can't reach him, so mathematically, if I could reach him, I could aspire to happiness.

Nayuta has achieved it, but she still seems to be going through existential crises: this makes sense, because once again, Chainsaw Man is an empty shell.

Denji lost his family, his pets died, so automatically, the response was to aspire to something else, to turn the page immediately by closing my eyes and becoming Chainsaw Man because !!!! Because Denji wanted to become this empty shell

Once again, logically, he became one, because by losing his family, the happiness that filled him, he became an empty shell.

But an empty shell is not to be understood in a purely pejorative sense, for a shell can contain anything: humanity's need for reassurance, the great enemy for demons to slay, the means to fight death, happiness, family... and so on.

When Pochita asks Denji what he plans to do after he achieves his first dream, Denji replies: to be Chainsaw Man.

To be an empty shell, yes, but empty in order to be filled by others, just as someone who is alone would tie up with others, just as the control devil would want CSM so she won't be alone, just as a wounded dog would agree to ally itself with a child who doesn't want to die either…

Having your family destroyed, but still managing to move on while building a new one, being surrounded by so many people that you forget your own pain, surviving better together in a terrible environment - that's the Hayakawa family.

As we've seen, Nayuta talks about a happiness that will then be destroyed. It's a good tactic to follow this plan, because that's what Makima did with the Hayakawa family, but as we've seen, Nayuta is part of this happiness that's doomed to be destroyed, so she's part of this family that constantly dies, burns and then rises from the ashes.

Nayuta doesn't know who she is, but what we do know is that she has a definite attachment to Denji, and above all, she's trying to understand who she really is through this boy she wants to shower with happiness. The fact that both of them are empty shells who are influenced by the other, Nayuta adopts Denji's ways, Denji puts Nayuta above everything else. This action of surviving together, this intertwined suffering and happiness, is precisely what Chainsaw Man is all about.

When Denji loses his family again, his dogs and his cat, he pushes Nayuta away. Denji realises that being him, being Chainsaw Man, will always be accompanied by pain, so he tries to cut the ties with the last person close to him. He does this without even understanding what it means to be a family.

Yet chapter 155 explicitly answers it. The beginning of the chapter opens with Nayuta about to be attacked and ends with Denji lying there, cared for and safe. Denji may never be able to describe what a family is, but it is something that can be felt, the shared suffering and happiness of living together, and it is something that can be seen : being protected.

Denji's cycle is not to kill his parents, it's the cycle of neglect, of lack of protection. Denji's father failed to protect him, leaving him in the hands of the mafia. And what Denji does is fail to understand what it means to belong to a family, to protect others, because he has abandoned his little sister to her fate.

Nayuta also had her answer, she wanted to repeat what her former self had done, what was accomplished by one of her former followers, Barem : lose the happiness you've built up.

And indeed, she understood what she was: someone who belongs to a family, even when that family goes completely off the rails, and her first instinct was to protect Denji and get him to safety. Denji opened the door for Nayuta, who looked at him as an empty shell, and who then saw so much of herself in him that she protected him at the risk of jeopardising her own safety.

This doomed happiness, belonging to a family, sacrificing oneself - that's the Hayakawa. And when she realises that she too has become part of this doomed family, Nayuta paradoxically knows better who she is : Nayuta Hayakawa.

By inundating this empty boy with happiness, she also becomes part of a vicious, ever-accelerating cycle. Her dogs and cat have already paid the price.

Makima and Nayuta are right: happiness under threat is what awakens Chainsaw Man. After all, it was in front of a burnt down house that a new contract was signed with Pochita. And when this new dream came about, it was when a bird was crushed. The bird represents the cycles: Bucky who opens part 2, Asa the new protagonist who lives again thanks to Yoru in the form of an owl. Crushing it represents its end. Being Chainsaw Man means avoiding becoming that empty shell again by preserving the fragile happiness inside.

As Aki learns that he, like Power, will be killed by Chainsaw Man, the cycle of his family's condemnation, Denji is also finally revealed, confronted with his own destiny.

How can we put an end to the cycle of neglect? The broken and unhappy destinies ? How can we turn Chainsaw Man into an instrument of struggle ?

Will Denji remain the product of this cycle of neglect, watching his loved ones die in his arms, condemned like his brother to try to protect them when it's already too late?

Will Denji realise that when he crushed the raven, Nayuta was on his back, and that she needs to be in his arms, protected, to end the cycle? Will Denji finally wake up and try to be a bit less of an idiot?

And realise that to be Chainsaw Man, he needs a foundation: his family.

As his memories of Nayuta flashed past, Denji realised that he had put an end to the cycle, that he had touched with his fingertips a form of happiness despite the loss of his previous siblings. As he realised this fragile happiness, Pochita asked him what he wanted next: to be Chainsaw Man. Not the man who kills his loved ones, not the man you die for. The one who will protect this fragile happiness like a tower of cards.

[evercelle]

don’t wanna watch you die

[gncrezan]

the photoshoot from @infamous-if !!!!!! it was such a cute scene that really showed how close the band is and the paint concept was so clear in my mind that i wanted to draw it <3

[meownotgood]

would aki ever consider homewrecking your relationship? in an upstaging sort of way at least? he brings you home-cooked food, drives you often, remembers details about you that make you realise your own bf doesn't?

ooooo imagine he gets drunk and starts being slightly more assertive not caring your bf is also in the room. flat out ignores him as he monopolizes your attention <3

despite his feelings for you, aki is polite, he keeps how he feels to himself and rarely comments on your boyfriend or your relationship. he congratulates you when you first tell him, saying he'd love to meet your boyfriend sometime. he doesn't intend to show your boyfriend up. it isn't aki's fault that he remembers your birthdate when your boyfriend doesn't. it isn't aki's fault that he knows what you like more than your boyfriend does, and so he brings you small gifts and homecooked meals whenever he's available.

boyfriend or not, aki has always shown you the same kindness — you're friends, so of course he does. you're each other's closest friend, in fact.

though, when aki's had a bit too much to drink, that's when the problems start to arise.

a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts, or something or other. aki remembers his mentor telling him as such when he was a teenager. but aki isn't really the talkative type when he's drunk, nor does he tend to get anywhere past slightly tipsy when he's out drinking. normally. tonight is far from normal.

aki is drinking way more than he should, ordering beer after beer until he has an array of empty frothy glasses around him, because tonight, you've brought your boyfriend along. the division's non-specific party had no problem with inviting friends of friends or significant others. but your boyfriend is sitting next to you, when it's usually aki that sits by your side.

he has his arm wrapped lazily around you, your shoulders are stiff as you sip your drink, drowning out the noise of him shouting across the table. he's waving over the waitress, and aki's jaw is clenching so hard it almost hurts, because as your boyfriend is complimenting the waitress' outfit with less-than-appropriate choices of words, his palm is on your thigh, you're shrinking into your seat — and aki is done.

he pushes up from the table so fast it shakes, making glasses clink together, and causing your gaze to dart up to him. unsurprisingly, you follow after him a few moments later. you step outside, goosebumps immediately brushing over your bare arms, to see aki palming a cigarette between clumsy fingers. his brows are knotted with tell-tale annoyance, but when he finishes shoving his lighter back in his pocket, and exhales a puff of grey smoke into the night sky, his voice as he speaks to you is nothing but soft.

"sit next to me when we go back inside," he says, plain and simple. the nicotine settles his growing nerves, and the slight husky slur to his words is the only thing giving his intoxication away.

you hardly have time to think about what he's asking of you — asking, was that even a question? aki takes one more quick drag, before dropping the half-burned cigarette on the pavement, stamping it out with his shoe. you're managing an, are you alright? but it only goes unanswered. aki grasps your wrist, and he starts to tug you back inside.

the atmosphere is much different once you've sat back down; at aki's side, this time. the lack of space has your thighs lightly touching aki's as you shift to get comfortable. yet, it feels like you can finally, truly relax.

aki orders another full beer before your boyfriend even notices your absence — with an annoyed look on his face, he doesn't question why you've moved, just drunkenly rambles about your disrespect for a moment, before turning his attention back towards the people beside him. aki though, he keeps his focus solely on you. he leans close to whisper quiet words into your ear. he doesn't seem to care that your boyfriend is right there, still sitting directly across from you. aki keeps you to himself, and himself alone.

for a moment, your gaze drifts up. aki's adam's apple bobs and his head tips back as he downs the rest of his drink, his face flushed slightly. he turns towards you then, eyes lingering on you for longer than necessary. he gazes at you with such a sense of softness, a look you can't remember anyone else ever giving you.

that's right. it was aki who invited you out tonight, who saved you your favorite seat knowing you would want to sit there, only for your boyfriend to drag you to the opposite end of the table. it was aki who already had your drink of choice ordered for you by the time you arrived. it was aki who leant across the table, trying to ask you how you're doing and how you're liking your new job, while your boyfriend who's never bothered to inquire was busy taking shots with the group a table over.

sighing to yourself, your mind spinning from the alcohol in your system, you let your head lean on aki's shoulder. aki hesitates. then, he snakes a palm behind you to hold the small of your back. when your boyfriend stumbles up from the table to head off somewhere, aki makes sure he sees.

he calls your boyfriend over for a moment to discuss something he already knows, some paperwork he has to fill out tomorrow for the division — aki keeps his arm locked around your waist, your head is leant on his shoulder, and as your boyfriend leaves, you don't even give him so much as a glance. aki keeps the obvious grimace your wasted boyfriend had on his face to himself.

"I'm sorry," aki mumbles after a few minutes, rubbing your back with his palm in slow circles. you chuckle, replying with a half-hearted, what for?

"I'm sorry for getting so drunk," he explains, "but your boyfriend was being an asshole. it pissed me off. I don't get why he acts like that, I could-"

aki swallows, stopping himself, stifling the words he almost said. I could treat you so much better.

sighing, he rubs his knotted temple with his fingers, and he turns to you as you're propping up next to him.

"don't apologize." you stretch, bringing your arms above your head, then rolling your shoulders back. your heart patters in your chest. aki is so close; you can see all the details of his face, you can smell the hints of cologne clinging to his jacket. his arm around you feels like it belongs there. "shouldn't have had so much to drink too."

"I'll take you home," aki says in response. "we should leave soon. the trains won't run for much longer."

you hum, eyes fluttering, gazing up at him with a look that causes his breath to get caught in his weary lungs. "can I come with you back to your place, aki?"

your boyfriend wouldn't like it. aki imagines how he'd react once he came to. if he'd call you, the phone ringing thrice before you pick up, only for him to hear aki's voice on the other line. there's grumbling, the sound of sheets rustling, and then aki murmuring supposedly in your ear, telling you to go back to sleep.

perhaps that's exactly why aki leans in closer to you, close enough to have his breath fan over your cheek, and inevitably answers with a warm, earnest, of course.

[6okuto]

getting one of those widget apps where u can take a pic and it shows up on the other person's phone with ushijima and he's like "photos of what?" and u say it can be anything !! maybe a dog he saw or a selfie but no pressure :-)

and he's hesitant to do it at first... but he opens his phone to a photo of u posing with a drink while u take a break from work... and he smiles like :-) and then he tries to copy u 🥹 and he has a soft smile on his face.. he texts u too, saying he hopes the drink is good and that u have a good day 🥹

and some days his teammates are in the background of the photo waving hello... and it's so cute he's a little excited every day to see what ur photo will be and 🥹🥹 ngnfbfnddb

[asoftepiloguemylove]

I'M WITH YOU, I'M WITH YOU // AKIANGEL

Goo Goo Dolls Iris // チェンソーマン Chainsaw Man (2022-) dir. Ryu Nakayama & Makoto Nakazono // pinterest // KT Tunstall Strange Sight // Djuna Barnes "Nightwood" from Selected Works // pinterest // チェンソーマン wr. Tatsuki Fujimoto // Rainer Maria Rilke // ZEROBASEONE In Bloom (tr. by laobalaomadecai) // pinterest // SEVENTEEN - Ready to love (tr. by colorcodedlyrics) // @ruhlare Our souls are Reborn in Autumn // チェンソーマン Chainsaw Man (2022-) dir. Ryu Nakayama & Makoto Nakazono // Jenny Hval Girls Against God

[spiderpesto]

Hey guys do you ever think about how Denji realizes pretty much immediately that Makima is a little bit... off. He considers running away and isn't really comfortable with how she "treats people like animals." The first few episodes he really goes back and forth on whether or not to trust Makima because yeah, she's really nice to him, and yeah, she's pretty, but something still feels not right about her. Denji doesn't stop being slightly suspicious of her until he asks Aki whether or not Makima is evil, and Aki tells him of course she isn't.

The Themes and Topics, guys...

[sillylittleguyinatrenchcoat]

another csm batch i want episode 3 NOW!!!!!!!

[sugar-grigri]

analyze the ball kicking scene 🫶🏼 (out of joke, love your posts <3)

Yes, even kicking balls has symbolism in Chainsaw Man

You're joking, Anon, but I wanted to do a post about it yesterday, and now you've given me the opportunity. Everything in this chapter is about the symbolism of kicking balls, yes, even the beginning!

Haruka Iseumi flicks through several TV channels, rather blasély, until he comes across a woman whose speech seems to resonate with him, a woman who seems to feel betrayed, disoriented like these teenagers who have been put in danger by an institution that has never seen their good, the church. But this girl only talks about her disappointment following a scandal surrounding over-mediatized stars.

What Haruka is going through right now is disillusionment, believing that his problems would have been taken seriously, his situation as an escaped high school terrorist, would have interested the public. But people prefer not to face up to these kinds of problems; an epidemic of people turned into demons is as commonplace as wars. To avoid jeopardizing personal comfort, people prefer to focus on other problems. Because people literally don't have the balls to face reality.

But contrary to what Haruka thinks, he's not so different: he's also an angst-ridden child who had totally surrendered to his idol, Chainsaw Man, to the point of convincing himself that he was bound to him, even pretending to be him for a semblance of trust. What the chapter seems to show is that Haruka is more down to earth than that girl on TV, but what it really shows is that he's exactly like that girl, but no longer admits it to himself.

No, Haruka, you're not dreaming, or rather you have been until now and now you can't do it anymore.

Because you've reached his idol, you have literally reassembled his image, you've seen the boy you have no interest in behind that reassuring mask.

What this chapter is about is the illusion into which we accept to insert ourselves in order to better resist our fears and existential ills.

Denji doesn't have to exist to shatter the illusions he needs to survive; even his awakening and his speech are too much, as his image no longer matches the one he wears as a universal puppet. He's literally cuter when he's inanimate, because that's what he's made for. At least, that's the only way we accept him. He's made to fill your person, and it's impossible for Chainsaw Man to be a person in his own right.

As proof of this, when Denji wakes up, his first reflex is not to discover that he's complete again, for he exists only to fill others, hence his question to Asa as to where her arm has gone. Unknowingly, Denji has accepted his role.

For Katana Man and Yoru, Chainsaw Man is a goal, a dream to be achieved. Seeing the person behind it, the other half, disturbs them. Considering it might even make them reconsider their choices.

Katana Man has deluded himself into believing that Denji no longer has the heart of a man, that he was his grandfather's tormentor and not the child who was the victim. He needs this revenge to move forward, just as Yoru, as a war demon, needs to fight an unattainable adversary to continue wreaking havoc.

But what's that got to do with it? What does this have to do with beating Denji's balls off?

Who kicked Katana Man in the balls? Aki and Denji. If Chainsaw Man is the metaphor for the comforting illusion of others, Aki is the symbol that revenge (often impossible) is a long-term, survival goal for hearts scarred by resentment. Beating the balls off? The meeting of the two.

When Aki and Denji beat up Katana Man, the illusion of a proud, virile, traditional man who swore by his honor had been shattered. What Katana Man represented to himself and to the readers, this formidable adversary, had been dismantled.

But above all, this was a gentle, more accessible form of revenge, one that would allow us to survive, a way for Aki to avenge Himeno in her own way, without actually avenging her. It's about beating your opponent while admitting you've lost in some way.

Similarly, when Katana Man and Yoru defeat Denji, they lead to a renewed desire to dismantle Chainsaw Man's image. To bring it together as their long-term goal of revenge. But despite this balance of power, this gesture symbolically demonstrates that they are not certain of their victory.

Above all, the important answer in this chapter is once again in the background.

Fami continues to eat undisturbed. She eats all the time, but in this chapter, she seemed almost to be regaining her strength.

Why was that?

Her plan was clear, to make people fear Chainsaw Man as well as the war, to make Yoru and Chainsaw Man champions. But what about the media? They prefer to do what's most profitable, keeping viewers entertained for as long as possible, so that they forget about the real issues.

People prefer to delude themselves, to dream dreams, rather than focus on reality, so will Chainsaw Man and Yoru have their strength increased to the point where they'll be potential opponents for death?

because people are already escaping the fear of death through entertainment, which is even the best champion.

Instead of thinking about our existential crises, we flood our brains with unimportant information.

As the philosopher Pascal would say: "Since men have not been able to cure death, misery and ignorance, they have decided, in order to make themselves happy, not to think about them. Notwithstanding these miseries, he wants to be happy, and only wants to be happy, and cannot not want to be happy".

But let's close this loop of questions: if Chainsaw Man allows this comforting disillusionment, Denji is the opposite, something we refuse to see, if Chainsaw Man is a dream, Denji is reality. Let's get back to our main subject: beating up balls.

When Aki first beat Denji up, he wanted to disgust him enough to prevent him from signing up as a public hunter. Literally, he preferred to spare Denji from reality, by killing the symbol that is Denji (did you miss the headaches I caused?). But when Denji retaliates, to insist that he wants to enlist, it's the other way around: it's the harshness of reality that Denji fully accepts that will prevail over Aki's attempt to protect him.

When Katana Man and Yoru beat Denji's balls off, in reality they're trying to fight the reality of what Chainsaw Man is, this mixture between a boy, reality, and the bloodthirsty enemy, the dream, Chainsaw Man. Beating up Denji is an attempt to avoid the harshness of life. It's that illusion.

So when Denji helped Aki beat up Katana Man, he allowed him to escape his survival mechanisms, his revenge, his illusion, by enjoying the present moment, pure reality. But when Denji defeated Aki, it was also the announcement of the reality of Aki's fate, which would outweigh this illusion - the success of his revenge.

That's why Pochita, the dream and illusion, prevents Denji from opening the door. When Denji sees reality, he can't help opening it. Just as Makima concentrated on her Chainsaw Man dream without seeing reality, Denji right behind it. Just as the dream allows Denji to escape reality, the contract between Denji and Pochita has allowed Denji to become someone else, escaping from himself, himself a victim of the dream without being able to know exactly what he is.

But don't forget, beating the balls off is Denji's tactic.

Why is that? Because no matter how hard you try to escape it, reality will always prevail.

[bytedykes]

[ID: Chainsaw Man fanart of the Hayakawas. Aki is standing between Power and Denji, who are both jumping in excitement. Aki has crossed arms and a flat expression while the other two cheer with big grins, their fists raised over their heads as they jump. Behind the three of them is a mint green rectangle.

They each wear a t-shirt with text: Power's says "Tummy Ache Survivor", Aki's says "I am ready to die a violent death", and Denji's has a picture of an arthropod, beneath which it says, "Born to evolve / Creationism is a fuck / 鬼神 Natural select em all 500 million BC / I am arthropod man / 410,757,864,530 adaptive radiations". /end ID]

this drawing took me multiple years to finish but it's finally done. hayakawa tshirt sillies

[meownotgood]

no even if it was the doggy position he'd lean against your figure and nuzzle his face to the crook of your neck, one arm embracing u tightly that man CANNOT even fuck you without making sure you know you're loved - bnuuy bunny bun

oh you're so right... I've always thought that too...

aki is just the sweetest to you, even when he's fucking you from behind he's still treating you so softly — he presses his body close to yours, practically leaning against you, and he grabs your chin and tilts your head up so he can kiss your forehead. he's so slow and gentle with every deep rock of his hips to make sure he won't hurt you.

and since he can't see your face from this position, can't look into your eyes, can't kiss you as easily as he wants to, he ends up talking a whole lot more; aki leans in close to your ear and mutters constant breathy words of reassurance, telling you how good you're making him feel, how perfect you are, how much he loves you.

god, you're beautiful, so beautiful, he's mumbling in his smooth tone, he holds your waist steady with one hand and drags his palm over your back, your side, down to your thighs, his touch so gentle it could only be his. you can hear him breathing hard in your ear, can feel his heart pounding in his chest when he wraps an arm around you and pulls you closer. he kisses your nape, rests his hand over yours when he sees you grabbing a tight fistful of the pillow, his fingers caress your knuckles ever-so delicately as he fucks into you nice and slow until his pelvis is flush with your ass. you feel so good, want you to moan for me louder- can you say my name baby? that's it... I've got you... I love you, love you more than anything...

[miyaneatworld]

When you misread Poison as Poisson (fish in french)