#alfred... grilling dad

[if-you-like-pina-colada-s]

Whore

I love him. I hate him. He is everything I love about America. He is everything I hate about America. Regardless I relate to him and I don't know how to feel. I have a lot to say.

[dcxdpdabbles]

Master Posts Links

All the dabbles I have posted on my DC x DP account. Under a read more due to how long it is. Broken into three categories:

Multi-parts - Dabbles that have more than one part written.

One-shots- Dabbles with only one part written.

Requests- Dabbles written for the requests of readers. (Note: If a request is for a continuation of the other two categories, they will be filed in Milti-parts)

Master Post 1 Link

Master Post 2 Link

Completed AUs Master Post Link

Master

Please read the indexes to determine which master post each au is filed in.

As of 02/10/2024: The newest stuff is inside of Master Post 2. If there are many parts from Master Post 1, they will remain on that one.

MASTER POST 1 INDEX:

Multi-parts:

The Royal Consort,

Child Support

Alfred's Boy

The Adoptive Son

Phantom's Number 1 fan

Passion for Fashion

Danny and The Fan Blog

Congratulations! It's Triplets!:

Ghost King Summon dare

The Dauntless Matchmaker

Demon and Angel Brat

Single Dad

Jason's Doll

Alley Boyfriends

One-shots:

The Assistant

The Ghost Trio's Food Trip

Legal Compensation

Love Among Fans

Lex Luther's Youngest

Misplace Baby:

The Infinite Realms Hobby Store:

Obsession Runs in the Family

Farm Hand

Vague Threats

Game of Deadly Love

Retired-Rouge

The Real Blood Son

The Kid of Candles

Magic Older Brother

Keep The God Kid Busy!

Dog walker

Clockwork's Cookbook

Respawn and Relive

The Summoning Conditions of the Ghost King

Finders Keeper

What's the rule again?

The Contact, the Butler and the Sly Time Lord

Big Fish in Gotham Pond:

Immunity system:

Wrong Number:

Timeline Prevention Squad

Requests

The Masters are Aliens

Ghost Zone Read

Red Hood's Snow

Jason Sees Dead People

Ghost Dad

Wayne Manor Ghost

The Siren of Iceberg Lounge

The Orginal

The Ghost King's Fibs

Red ParentHood

Woo thy Butler, My Lord

Cass the Halfa

Double Vision

Dealeyed Soulmates

Rescue Mission

Danny's Online Persona

Practice makes perfect

MASTER POST 2 INDEX:

Multi-Parts

Cass the Halfa

Danny's Grill

Freelance Inventor

The Audit

Why Ten?

Mr. Flavor

Cluster of Cores

Demon Head Slightly to the left

Danny Fenton's Ex

New Management

One-Shots

Red Yummy

It's all Fun and Games Kids!

Professional Protector of Love

The Backroads

In 30 Minutes or less

One hell of a good bellhop

Mr. Flavor

Danny Fenton's Ex

Corporate Rivals

Rude Kryptonian

The Summoned Demon

New Management

Ecto-Specialist

Side Hustle

Copyright

Love at first (club) meeting

Catnip for heroes

Old Friends

Danny the Nanny

Lights and Camera

Hot Wings

Marriage trap the Office Supplier!

Requests

Batman with a gun's lover

IRS's boogie man

Super Robin

Dear Elder Brother's mistakes

The Undead Florist

Pit's Merman

Dullahan is my roomate

Nightowl Appartement

The one with Sunset Hair

Phone a friend

Billy's Parents

The Cinnamon Roll's son

The ost In-Laws

Cassandra's Curse in Gotham

The Lady and The Dad

Big Brother does not approve

Gotham's star and Shadow

COMPLETED AUS MASTER POST INDEX

The Bakery is a Front!....right?

Cave Boy

[spicy-apple-pie]

I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THE COMIC >:))))))

I did warn you…

Okay so idk if a lot of people know this, but Damian was originally given up for adoption right after he was born before his story was reconned.

So in this comic, Damian is 9 years old and in the foster system in Gotham, unknowing who his parents are. He’s never stays long in a home because he’s very aggressive. He’s smart though, so he orders a DNA testing kit to hopefully find a relative to take him. Imagine his shock when he finds out his father is Bruce Wayne.

So this 9 year old walks into WE by himself, toddles up to the secretary, and asks to see Bruce Wayne. The secretary is like “haha okay, let me help you find your parents.” And Damian is like “you can. My dad is Bruce Wayne.”

And then Tim shows up!! And he’s like, “who’s your dad?”

And Damian is suddenly really nervous and shyly passes Tim the DNA test results. Tim looks them over, and Damian thinks he’s going to get turned away. But then Tim smiles at him and asks him if he has time for a drink.

Damian basically explains his life story over a cup of hot chocolate to Tim. Tim listens and tells him that he’ll make sure Bruce sees it and gives him his number if he has any questions (Damian doesn’t have a phone). Damian gets up to throw out his cup but Tim is like “oh I can throw that out for you. Talk to you soon!”

Cut to the BatCave where Bruce is staring at the DNA test results. Showing him and Talia as the parents. Tim stands behind him. “I doubled and tripled checked.” He says. “Not to mention he’s the spitting image of you.” He mumbles under his breath, knowing that Bruce isn’t in the mood for jokes right now. Alfred places some Tylenol beside Bruce using his butler powers to sense his on coming headache.

“And you said he walked into the lobby by self?” Bruce asked.

“Yeah, he said he took the bus.”

“Oh dear,” Alfred comments, “that is certainly not safe for a boy his age in Gotham. I wonder if his social worker knows about that…”

So the next morning, Damian finds that he’s out of custody from his foster parents. And he’s like “but I didn’t do anything this time!” And his social workers like “no, they’re getting charged with child endangerment. We already have a place lined up for you.”

Lo and behold, his new foster home is Wayne Manor. And he meets Bruce for the first time and he’s really nervous. And Bruce has to turn away because he almost starts crying. And Damian asks Alfred if he did something wrong and Alfred’s like “no, he’s just very happy to see you.”

And that’s basically it. But I also have this idea of how he discovers his Dad is Batman.

He comes downstairs in the early morning for a snack before going back to sleep to find Red Hood raiding their fridge. He runs to Bruce and he’s freaking because fucking RED HOOD broke into their house.

And Bruce groans and is mildly annoyed about and Damian is like “???? Does this happen often????” Bruce brings him downstairs and Red Hood is still there, but making a grilled cheese with his helmet off.

“Jay, how many times do we need to tell you know masks in the house?”

“I dunno. How many fucking children are you going to adopt?” He gestures to Damian hiding behind Bruce.

“He doesn’t know yet, Jay. I was going to wait until he was more comfortable.”

Jason is a little sheepish because he did give the kid a bit of a fright, so he turns around to apologize and introduce himself. And instantly is like “holy shit, that’s a bio kid.”

“Language, Jay…”

“Don’t language me, where the fuck did he come from???”

“What is happening??!!” Damian finally yells.

And then Bruce shows him the BatCave.

I did warn you I’d talk your ear off. I came up with this circa. 2018 - 2019 but I feel like I finally have the skill to draw it. And I honestly fell in love with it again, so I might lol.

Edit: I did it

[kimberly-spirits13]

Dating Bruce Wayne/ Batman (More)

The only person besides Alfred and later his kids that he lets in his personal space

He sometimes struggles setting boundaries with touch but you know his queues and he is more vocal about them when he’s comfortable with you

It’ll be along the lines of “I need more space” or maybe that he’s "not comfortable anymore"

He wants to be by you all the time though

Up in the front of the Justice league jet is where you two sit together

You are the two navigators because you work so well and he feels less stressed when you’re the one working by him

He wants all engulfing hugs please

Rests his head in the crook of your neck

He’s basically like a cat and just wants attention and sleep all the time

If you want, he’ll go shopping for galas with you

Has good opinions on fashion

"The train on that one is nice, but the color washes you out"

He likes to pick you up from work if he can

Opens and closes the car doors for you even as Batman

✨manners✨

Carries his mother’s ring around with him for the right moment

It’s either his mother’s ring or a custom made ring because not all people want to give their dead mother’s ring away

also not everyone wants their dead mother in law's ring

He’s not super jealous but he gets a bit protective if not touchy when you’re getting extra attention from someone

Only if it’s flirty attention though

Like when you come to the tower and Hal is flirting with you he’ll suddenly be right next to you, making the batglare

He likes to read in his library and go first edition book hunting

If you match the same level of excitement about things that he has, he’ll melt

He’ll eventually get comfortable enough that he’s alright asking questions to you

If he forgets or doesn’t want to research, he’ll just ask you

Probably not with others around though

He’s a serious guy but he’s a sucker for inside jokes

He thinks about them at the worst time too

“Mr. Wayne this PR emergency is no laughing matter-“ *tries to be serious but can’t*

He’ll pull you into a closet in the tower or an empty room just to reset or ya know 🙃

Lord knows that he can't cook much but the things that he can, he's really good at

I say he can grill just about anything but please don't make him bake bread

has a vast bourbon collection but mostly because he dad collected vintage bottles

doesn't really pop them open but for special events and late evenings

is a clean freak and he wants to scrub everything off after every patrol and every day

is the kind of guy to shower like 3 times a day and wouldn't mind if you joined him at least once

if you ask him to hold your drink even if you're not dating, he'll near kill anyone that seems untrustworthy near him with the drink

covers the drink with both hands and won't release his grip but to give you your drink back

walks on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road

when you have a new outfit, he'll spin you around to see and admire you

likes the names of "darling, sweetheart, babe, and my darling"

pinky promises kind of guy

"I'll be done with this report in an hour and then we can go somewhere to eat." "Pinky promise?" "Pinky promise."

Because in Bruce's words, you can't break a pinky promise

[haveihitanerve]

"He didn't kill joker!" Jason threw in his face. "B never avenged me! he never loved me! He. Didn't. Kill. Joker." Dick was quiet for so long Jason thought maybe he'd actually succeeded in shutting him, when he spoke, voice quieter than it had ever been. "He almost did."

The words took a second to register. "bullshit!" Jason spat when he had finally regained his tongue. Dick remained cool, staring out of the window. "He almost did." He repeated, as if those words weren't currently rattling around in Jason's brain. "When- when Joker killed you." Dick cut off, staring at the floor. "He went crazy." he whispered. "I- i was visiting because I knew it had- destroyed him. But I didn't realize how bad it was until-" Dick bit his lip. "until I got the call. It was Alfred. He was-" Dick took a shuddering breath and Jason braced himself. "He was stuttering and shaking and ordered me to get to Bruce's tracker immediately and I-" Dick shook his head. Jason had to admire his older brother for speaking so clearly. If he was reliving a moment in his life when he had witnessed Alfred, fucking Alfred, shake and stumble over his words, he would have been much less composed. "I didn't question it. I didn't even put on my suit. I just sprinted to where Bruce was. I thought-" Dick reached up a hand to his eyes and Jason realized with a jolt that he was crying. "I thought he had killed himself." Dick whispered. "i thought he had finally grown tired of it- of living without you, of fighting with me, of not being able to hold a child in his arms anymore without blood being involved." He shook his head, still staring at the floor.

"And I hated him. I hated him for leaving me, for leaving Alfred, for not having the backbone to stay and figure things out and heal- to not stay and try with me anymore. I hated- I hated that he had given up." Dick's hands were trembling, and he curled them into fists to hide it. "I hated that after everything we had gone through together, after all the life you and I had brought into his life, after all the times he had grilled it into me to just get back up- that he had just given up. Given up on life and- given up on me." The words grew so quiet Jason had to strain to hear them. And then he wished he hadn't. Dick shook himself, getting back on track. "So anyway, I raced over and... he wasn't dead. But he was just- sitting there. His legs over the edge of the building and I- I didn't understand why Alfred had sounded so scared. Why he had begged me to run." Jason had the horrible realization that he didn't want to know how this story ended. But he let Dick continue. "Until I got closer." Jason tried not to vomit. "He was- drenched in blood. It was as though he had been in a dunk tank over blood instead of water. And Joker had been the ball." Jason pressed a fist to his mouth. Dick still wasn't looking at him. "I-I didn't know what to do. So I just- sat down. Leaned against him." Dick took a shuddering breath and Jason placed his feet wide, bracing himself. "And then he started to talk." Dick whispered, a tremor in his voice. "He told me about what he'd done, and he spared no detail." Jason couldn't breathe. Something like anger, but worse, was choking his throat. "And when it was all over- when he had told me the last of the description, he turned and looked me dead in the eyes and told me, "he killed my son. if he, or anyone else, ever touches one of my children again- I will do far worse than what I did to him."" Jason sprinted to the bathroom and painted the toilet with his insides. When he returned, pale and shaky, Dick was still standing where he had been. Calm, cool, collected. "He almost did." Dick repeated once more, still not looking at Jason. Finally, he turned, making eye contact. "But you have to understand, for Dad? Killing him is too small of a punishment."

[brucewaynehater101]

HC that Bruce can cook, but he can White Mom Cook™

Like those horrid powder cheese with beef and pasta and canned beans.

Obviously he only gets to cook when Alfred is mad at everyone bc of Batstuff and wants them to suffer a taste of what life could be without him.

Bruce thinks it's a moment to bond over food and to reflect on their actions as a family

Pfft. I fucking love this cause Bruce could just buy takeout. He could even hire a personal chef to come for the night.

Instead, he decides everyone in the household is getting punished with his cooking. It's edible, but it's also horrid.

As a treat, let me tell you about trash bag chicken. My mom is fantastic at cooking. My dad... He can grill :)

Anyways, for parties, he used to get a fuck ton of chicken wings from the store, toss them into a clean trash bag, throw in a bunch of sauce, hold the bag close as he shook them, and then toss the chicken on the grill.

I'm imagining Bruce doing something similar for his plethora of children and all of then watching in horror

[gremlins-hotel]

Do you have any gerame/ameger thoughts you’d like to share? 🎤🎤🎤

It’s a solid rizz ‘em with the ‘tism from both sides. They’re both nerds. Engineers but different flavors. Two archaeologists if you’re like me and so inclined. Special interests galore. You can distract two birds with one Wikipedia rabbit hole stone. Just give them the page for concrete and it’s going to be the most focused you see either of them. They will attempt to engineer their way out of many things, sometimes literally.

Ludwig is also the hood to the falcon that is Alfred; he has the steadfast nature to keep that dreamer from flying away, or merely too high. But falcons are strong, able to bear things much heavier than they into the air. Alfred has that easy personable confidence that can drag Ludwig out of the house and out of the shell. I’d like to think there’s some admiration on both sides. “How does he make interaction look so easy?” vs. “How does that guy manage to stay so focused?” Despite Alfred being older, y’know, it’s Lud that’s got the itinerary for everything while the other tries to get him to be loose and wing it. They can balance each other. It helps that they’re both young yet still and contain a lot of energy.

Also autism be damned but both of my boys can GRILL. Maybe this is just me bringing my own Texas history and heritage into it, but we find that many barbecue techniques here stem from our history of German immigrants and settlement (though of course that’s not the only source). Lud and Al are also just peak dad fashion couple, I fear. Give them both a lawnmower and the white Reeboks, your grass will be cut in no time.

[yuinterrobangapologist]

Headcanon that Bruce is a grill dad. He cannot pay enough attention to cook or bake, but he can grill. Like, even Alfred admits he's way beyond anything he could do himself. He challenged Bobby Flay to a celebrity grill off and absolutely fucking thrashed him. For April Fools Jason signs him up for a 12 part miniseries grilling show on Food Network, and while annoyed at first, he finds it very relaxing and cathartic and it wins the Food Network award for show of the year or whatever its called.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Alfred getting protective of Bruce's new wife? i need it

It was unusual for anyone to accompany Alfred on his forrays to the farmer's market. Generally, Bruce wasn't awake and taking any of the other staff with him tended to irritate him

But, as you walked next to him in companionable silence, sipping your latte, unphased by the mud or the light drizzle, he didn't mind so much. You appreciated a comfortable silence- and, it would give him time to learn your likes and dislikes.

As rough as your parent's manners might be, you were too polite to tell him if something wasn't to your taste. And it was hard to tell if you didn't like something or simply weren't hungry. The only thing he knew, really was that you only liked spinach fresh and that you absolutely hated honey mustard. In anything for any reason. If it touched anything you were eating, you simply would not eat that.

And, he supposed, it was good to get you out of the house for something other than social engagements you found nerve-wracking and work.

"This way, ma'am," he said, gesturing with his free hand. He didn't doubt you could take care of yourself but. The men loitering near the entrance immediately locked on you- be it the recent press coverage or your tendency to cause trouble he didn't know. But. He wasn't about to take chances.

So, as he'd done many times before- when Bruce was a boy, he put himself between you and the potential threat. Quietly. Not drawing attention to it and trying not to alarm you.

"I wonder if rhubarb is in season, yet" you muse, going the direction he indicated.

"Rhubarb?" he asked. Unusual, for someone your age.

"Somewhere in one of my Grandma's recipe boxes I have her recipe for a strawberry rhubarb crumble," you answer. An explanation that isn't one. But not quite equivocation.

"I was unaware you could make anything other than toasted cheese and canned soup," he said, eyes crinkling at the corners.

"I can follow directions, as long as they aren't too fancy," you shrug. "Mom didn't cook much. And Dad could really only manage fried eggs and spam."

"It was a matter of survival then," he chuckled.

"And making the grocery budget last," you snort. "By the time I was 13 I was doing the cooking, cleaning, and the shopping."

"A useful skill," he allowed.

"And between that and law school I can now prep chicken like 87 ways as long as I have a decent spice cupboard."

"Then I shall endeavor to keep it stocked."

"Also we need more sourdough bread for grilled cheese," you tell him. "Dick's decided that grilled cheese is his favorite food."

"Duly noted."

[olympeline]

FrUK FACE family Parent Trap AU, part 9! Part 1

Last time: shock! Horror! Alfred, and by extension the whole scheme, just got rumbled! By Uncle Gil of all people! Who could have seen it coming? Not Alfred. But then he hasn’t known Gilbert long. Under that nutty exterior tick-tick-ticks a surprisingly sharp mind. Gilbert had been suspicious almost from the start. He didn’t say anything because that’s not his way. But now things have gone on long enough that even Gilbert has to step in. If for no other reason than he needs some news of Mattie.

So, under threat of an immediate call to Francis, Alfred is forced to confess all. They sit down over delicious and nutritious frosting sandwiches and Alfred tearfully confessses all that’s gone down since the twins were reunited. Everything from their chance meeting to their time living the other’s identity. Gilbert doesn’t let him off the hook, prodding for details and making Al show him his phone so he can confirm what’s been said. Alfred burns with embarrassment when Gilbert scans some of his early descriptions of him (the words “freaky” “weird” and “totally batshit” may or may not have been used) but Gil doesn’t comment. The let up in the grilling (gilling?) is when Gilbert sees a picture of Arthur in his conservative dad clothes.

“HA!! Mein gott, that’s precious! Old punkass, slutbag Kirkland turned into a right old tory, huh kid?”

“What’s a tory?”

“Ask your dad. He dresses like one of their rentboys.”

“What’s a rentboy?”

Gilbert changed the subject after that. To what the two of them intented to do now. How long were they planning to keep this up? What were they hoping to achieve? Alfred just shrugs helplessly. They weren’t really hoping anything. He tells Gilbert they just wanted to get to know the other half of their family. Finding the missing piece that’s always been there for both of them. Gilbert listens, takes another look at Alfred’s phone, then gives it back. Alfred sees it’s open on a selfie of Mattie and Arthur. Matthew has an Alfred-style big, sunny beam. Even after playing his brother for weeks, Mattie isn’t a good enough actor to fake it to such an extent. Gilbert knows him well enough to see that.

Alfred haltingly asks what Gilbert’s going to do now. Gilbert is quiet for a long time. Then he shakes his head, grins, and ruffles Alfred’s hair.

“I’m no snitch, kaulquappe, and I always thought what your dads did was moronic. I can’t imagine doing nothing after finding out what you did. Hell, if it were me and Lud I would have done the same. So don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

“Really?!” Alfred’s heart leaps and so he does too. Right off the couch. “YAHOO! Thanks, Uncle Gil! I-”

The rest is cut off when Gilbert stuffs a sandwich in his mouth.

“Cool your jets, yanketito. I wasn’t done! Remember I told you about my lil bro’s wedding?”

Alfred nods through a mouthful of frosting.

“Mmhm.”

“Gut. Obviously I’m going down to liberty land to be his best man. Ha! As if he’d dare choose anyone else! I’ll put Honda over my damn knee and spank him with his own bodypillow if he even thinks of muscling in on my territory!”

Alfred has no idea who this Honda is but pities him anyway. He nods as that seems the safest option.

“Mmhm.”

“So! I’ll be going down to NYC. And you’ll be coming with me.”

Gilbert gives him that rust-coloured stare again and Alfred, for one of the few times in his life, knows it would be futile to argue. Uncle Gil is like a force of demented nature.

“Like I said, I won’t snitch but this can’t go on forever. So enjoy your time up here, kid. It just got a curtain call, ja?”

Alfred swallows the sandwich and nods. What else can he do? Gilbert holds all the cards and they both know it.

“…Ja.”

“YEAH! Good choice! Now, call Mattie. Tell him to get his maple-print panties in a bunch because Uncle Gil knows and Uncle Gil wants to talk.”

(Have a small update! I’ve been very busy lately and I will be for a while so I can’t promise when there’ll be more. Just when I can snatch a few minutes. Until then, please enjoy and stay tuned for part 10! (´ε｀ )♡)

[elvesandlanterns]

Ghost helpline chapter 37

Jason couldnt help but give his entire family the side eye. Seriously Bruce? A family dinner? Family dinner with thier nieghbors?? That he has a crush on ???!!! Pppfff oh yeah this was going to work out swimmingly. Whatever.

Jason didn’t know why he felt so knotted up inside about the whole thing. It’s not like they were going to find anything and “Brucie” has had plenty of guests over before. And yet Jason felt snubbed, Bruce knew Jason wouldnt be able to join in. He was still legally dead and couldnt just pop into joint family dinner like “oh yeah I got better dont worry about it”. No Jason would need to steer clear of the mannor all together.

Meanwhile his siblings would get to tease dad about his crush, grill the Masters family and talk to Damiens new friend. Because seriously Damian making friends, with a normal girl? Just wow. Good for the kid, because he defiantly hadn’t learn that from Bruce he scoffed for fucking hells sake even Vad had a sketchy criminal history on his buisness Dalv co.

It stung, it was so fucking stupid but it stung. Why didn’t Jason get to be there. Why didn’t he get to shovel talk Bruce’s crush, eat Alfred’s food, sit around awkwardly, and tease Damian relentlessly?

Jason knew why. He did. Logically Jason knew it wasn’t an attack on him. That Bruce hadn’t purposefully done things this way to exclude him. That he was/n’t an embarrassment, dangerous and unwanted to meet Bruce’s new crush because he couldnt be trusted. It wasn’t personal, it’s not personal.

Beep beep

Jason glanced down to his burner phone and grinned manically at the photo of the skunk haired man he’d been tracking strolling into a warehouse… ..with someone young and pink on their arm. Jasons stomach rolled in disgust at the age difference, “Well hello misplaced aggression.”

——

Damian had been hanging around the Masters manor regardless of fathers …complications of the heart. He and Violet needed to plan a strategy of course. The plan had to be seem-less to even stand a chance of working. A part of that involved English lessons which thankfully doubled as a cover. Damian huffed to himself as Violet failed to write neatly again. It was odd to watch, she could speak with a fair sense of clarity and understood difficult concepts when spoken to but written language seemed to illude her. It was frustrating to watch, her hands moved wrong twisting against the pencils and often snapping them. Damian watched as her hand seemed to twitch uncomfortably as she finished.

“You’re bad at this.”

“Gee thanks I had no idea.”

“Tt. It’s ridiculous anyone as old as you should know how to read and write at a higher level than a sixth grader.” Damian felt his hand fall down his face, “You text just fine though, your horrid grammar aside.” Meaning a big part of the problem was physical….now that he thought about it … he hadn’t seen Violet without her human disguise despite already knowing her secret. Both forms had gloves. There’s something else going on here.

The assassin felt ice at his back.

“Let me see your hand.”

That coldness remained as a small warmth was thrown against his chest as she unthinkingly shoved her hand in his face and ate away at her sugary processed snack- dirtying her practice writing paper further.

Taking off her gloves gave sight to three short claws black from tip to knuckle, two fingers incased in a familiar metal. He hadn’t expected it at all, was Violet allowing him to see this purposefully? A limitation of her glamor? A benefit of their bond?

Beep beep

Damian dropped the others hand to glance at the text. Father did what!?

“What do you enjoy eating?” What do demons even eat? Can demons be vegans? She does look a tad like a ram.

“Red and dad make the best cakes!!!”

“Tt. I meant real food, and I’m sure you will change you mind at tomorrows dinner. Alfred’s desserts are superior to all else.” He planned to ignore her millionth mention of “Red”, she was beyond obsessed and he was not falling for the bait… again. Ugh.

Violet stilled, “Oh are you staying for dinner tomorrow.”

“No it would seems our fathers have gotten it into their minds to bring us all into their nonsense.” Damian huffed.

Violet groaned, “Uhhh nooo I don’t want to.”

“Yes well as detestable as it will be -“

“Not that I just, I don’t like eating in front of humans.”

A delicate eyebrow rose at the statement.

“This isn’t “real food”, human food isn’t my food.” Blood guts crunching on a heart like an apple, wide green eyes staring at her horrified. Scared.

Damian thought about it more. Pencils breaking, the way her hands shook and holding a fork was probably difficult for her?

“So what do you consider food to you?”

“Anything.”

“Violet.”

“Anything I’m a scavenger demon …” her eyes rolling at the look on his face, “Tendons, bone, eyes, decorative flowers and overgrown weeds. You could say we are real … vultures.” She chuckled at her inside joke.

The way she spit out the term “scavenger demon” had him reeling a-bit. There was an obvious issue there… somewhere. Fear slithered threw the bond unwillingly, self deprecating and shallow. He at least understood this feeling well.

The feeling that screamed :

Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me like /that/.

Well he supposed he at least knew a good dish to have made for her. Hopefully Alfred wouldn’t mind a change in the menu.

—- —— —-

Bruce was NOT freaking out he wasn’t! And he will deny it forever. He just really wanted this to go well. He needed this to go well.

And he loves his children deeply! But sometimes they could all be a bit much….

At… family dinners. They yelled and fought and they were all fairly high strung but the Masters weren’t like them half of them looked like a strong breeze could knock them over dear lord….

“Bruce!”

“Bruce.”

“B!”

“Ow!!”

….please just, just don’t fight in front of Vlad.

—- —- ——

The triplets, sans Ziyad, positively swarmed their fathers closet. This was going to be great!

Klarion and Billy looked over at Dandy’s murderous face, this was going to be awful.

[ev-arrested]

OK if you want Dick/Tiger prompts I have like eight rattling around my skull of varying degrees of fleshed out so I'll just. Spam you.

First up: Mr and Ms Smith AU Dick and Tiger are both spies (maybe Bruce followed in Alfred's MI6 footsteps to fight crime and pursue justice instead of doing it via kevlar fursuit so the Batfam is a spyfam), married, and they live across from an equally married but still superheroes Midpollo. Midnighter and Tiger have THE most suburban dad rivalry going and it annoys the hell out of both of them to have any part in a suburban dad rivalry until Midnighter gets a fancy garden tech inspired grill and Tiger HAS to one up him to make him stop looking so fucking smug. Absolutely nobody knows how when or why Dick and Tiger got married, except for Helena (she officiated) and Dick's gym students (witnesses/flower girls). It's all fun and games and Tiger being awestruck and horrified that Dick looks sane standing next to his family UNTIL Tiger's organization starts investigating the identity of the Bats and. Well. Love conquers all in the end. Possibly with the help of how great Dick looks in an evening gown with a thigh high slit and Martha Wayne's pearls. I have a very vivid image of absolutely everyone in slightly bloody formal wear standing around as Dick and Tiger do a vow renewal while the dust is still settling and Dick's siblings are sundry shades of obnoxiously overdramatic sobbing, Bruce looks like he's eaten a lemon, Apollo and Midnighter are there as Tiger's groomsmen because at some point during the conflict he was forced to deem them adequate backup in battle, Helena is yet again stuck officiating, Dick's gym students are his bridesmaids. Dick is wearing the aforementioned evening gown with a thigh high slit but he's added a veil that was visibly made as part of a $5 Halloween costume. Tiger is absolutely slaying in deep reds with gold embroidery. He and Dick renew their vows in the smoking rubble of whatever ballroom just exploded and it is the first time almost everyone present has ever seen Tiger smile.

You’re in for a treat when Dick Grayson week starts tomorrow. I had an ancient Mr. and Mr. Grayson sketch from like a year ago that I fucking excavated, and turns out tomorrow’s prompts include “Spyral Crew”, so guess what sketch is (probably) getting posted and when

[eljeebee]

"Good morning, Dad!" Sidera greeted her father, Alfred. "Today, we're going to have a sleepover! M'so excited!"

Sid quickly brushed her teeth clean before leaving her bedroom. She saw her aunt looking at their bulletin board.

"Hmmm," Elizabeth hummed. She mumbled, "Do some finishing touches for the treehouse, assemble that grill..."

"Morning, Auntie!" Sidera said.

Elizabeth jolted from her trance. "Sid! Goodness, child, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

Sid giggled. She raised up her arms, and Elizabeth obliged, kneeling down and wrapping her arms around the little girl. "Someone's excited."

"Very!" Sid squealed.

"We're going to play pirates, astronauts, mermaids, knights, in the tree house!" Sid rambled. "We'll be like high up in the sky!"

Elizabeth laughed.

[obislittleone]

Family Ties

Bruce Wayne x Reader

Bruce Wayne request: Are you taking requests for bruce wayne? Bale or Affleck? Bale preferred? How about dating and getting engaged and bruce wayne had to meet your parents and family? -@christianbalefanatic

Thank you so much for this, I absolutely loved writing it and may have gotten carried away!

"Business meetings are not scary," he said, glancing over at you through the reflection in the mirror.

"They should be, at least compared to this."

Bruce sighed, turning around and meeting you face to face. You were stunning, as always. It was effortless for you. He felt that he was somehow incapable of making a good impression in comparison to you, which was purely silly.

"It's just my parents, Bats," he smiled when you pulled out the nickname. You felt maybe it would ease his senses, make him less of a mad man. You'd never seen him so stressed about what his hair looked like.

"It's not necessarily your mother I'm worried for, but I've heard some stories about your dad. What happened to that one ex boyfriend of yours again?" He teased. You rolled you eyes knowing he probably remembered it way worse than you had explained. One of your old boyfriends cheated on you, so your father decided it might be a good idea to burn all the stuff he left at your apartment at a neighborhood bbq. He was furious of course, but your father thought well of his work.

"He was a jerk, and he deserved what he got. You have been nothing but good to me, he won't have a problem with you," you carefully adjusted his tie, which had been crooked from all the times he yanked on it for dear life. "And besides, I already got the ring, it's not like he's gonna grill you about your intentions."

Bruce sighed again. He knew you were right, but he couldn't afford to mess this up. First impressions are important, and considering he'd never met your folks until now... he was terrified. You were already engaged for crying out loud, and yet he was going on a tirade about how he might not he accepted warmly.

"Does your dad own a shotgun?" He asked suddenly.

"What? No, Bruce... no."

Now he was just being ridiculous.

"I can't believe Batman is afraid of my father," you chuckled, taking off into the room to find your shoes. It was just about time to leave, and Alfred had kindly prepared the Lamborghini this evening. That man was a Saint, especially for putting up with Bruce all day before you got home.

"I'm not afraid... I just don't want to be the son in law he doesn't like having around."

You opened the door to Alfred in the hallway, and he had the keys in his hand. You took them kindly, and kissed his cheek, thanking him for his help.

"Do you even remember who you are? Bruce just talk about your life, what you do for a living. Maybe throw in some stuff about football," you told him as you walked down the hallway, your hips swaying with every quick step you took.

"Football?"

You could hear the look on his face.

"Hush, my dad likes football," you told him, pushing him into the garage before you so he didn't have any reason to turn back now.

He got into the car first, watching as you joined him. Normally he opened the door for you, but you pushed him away, knowing he would use anything he could to stall.

The drive was mostly silent, but comfortable, with Bruce's hand resting on its place at your thigh, with you hand laid upon his. The gentle squeezes you felt told you how nervous he was. He literally face deadly situations every night, faught off men that had the ability to kill him with one stroke, but he was scared of a little evening visit with your family.

By the time you arrived, the sun had nearly set. He'd never been to this area of Gotham before, but rather liked it. It was very quaint, with homes down the block that reminded him of the suburbs from his favorite childhood movies. He took your hand in his, and came to the door with a gift for your parents in hand. He followed every rule in the book, hoping it would pay off.

You knocked on the door, waiting for an answer, and felt Bruce's hand start to shake. Poor little baby boy. He's probably never done this before.

"Hey," you got his attention, raising and lowering your hand in a motion to tell him "breathe."

He let out the breath he was holding and put on his best smile when your mother opened the door.

"Darling it's so good to see you," she said pulling you in for a hug. "Oh, and you must be Bruce. Honey, he's even more handsome in person."

You laughed at her antics, seeing how she was taking him all in. Your mother was nothing if not supportive of everything you did. How proud she was at the woman you grew up to be, and this man you'd brought to meet her. She liked him already.

"Oh boy it's cold out here... come in, come in!" She huddled you both inside, and immediately you could smell your dad's cooking. He loved to make food for people, and you'd bet that of all the fancy restaurants Bruce had ever been to, he would appreciate this meal even more. Your dad never pursued a career in the kitchen, but he sure knew what he was doing.

"That smells really good," he whispered in your ear as you came through to the dining room.

"Wait till you taste it."

Your father stood at the stove, and when he turned around with a broad smile on his face, Bruce instantly relaxed. Your father was so happy to see you. It had been a while since you were able to visit. Phone calls were frequent, but in person was so much better.

"There's my girl," he came up and wrapped you in a hug, but when he saw Bruve standing there awkwardly he pulled back, offering a warm handshake which Bruce gladly took. "And the famous Mr. Wayne."

"Please, call me Bruce," he said. He felt his first impressions had gone rather well as of now, but he still had to get through the night.

🦇

Dinner was a success, at least in your opinion. You were sure Bruce would come out of this night with great triumph, and be able to rest peacefully tonight at the thought of both your parents being fond of him.

Those thoughts washed down the drain when your father spoke up. "I was hoping I could have a word with you Bruce, alone if that's alright with you."

'Oh no.'

You looked over into his eyes and he froze. His poor face... like a terrified little boy. How on earth could your father be so intimidating that the Batman cowered in fear?

"Here sweetie, let's give them some room," your mother was quick to usher you from the sitting room, and back to the dining room area. You were still eavesdropping, a skill you learned from good ole mom. There were subtle indents in the wall that made ot perfect for listening in on 'manly interactions' which turned out to often be pathetic small talk and mentions of sports. You weren't particularly a fan of football, which your father loved, but you hoped Bruce would somehow pull something together incase it was brought up. You knew you were right to warn your fiancée about such a common topic of interest... your dad couldn't go a night without sports talk.

"Really? I can never get seats that close to the 50, it drives me nuts."

"They sell fast, pretty much as soon as they're available," Bruce chuckled, keeping his hand steady by gripping the arm of the chair more firmly. "And don't even get me started on baseball tickets...."

"Oh boy... I don't even remember the last time I went to a game where I wasn't in the nosebleeds."

"Well, I have pulled some strings a few times."

Your father was so excited at the mention of being below the second stands in a stadium. He had always taken you as a kid, but the good tickets were alwayd outrageously expensive, or they just sold out really fast. Gotham sure loved baseball.

"One time I needed to put together a birth present for a certain someone," he nodded to the doorway to the dining room, and though I couldn't see, I of course knew he was talking about me. I remembered the day he surprised me, it was wonderful. "I called in a few favors, got seats behind home dugout."

"That's gotta be insane."

Your dad was like a kid on Christmas morning. You didn't think he could have been any more happy in company if it were one of his lifelong friends.

"If you'd like to go sometime, I wouldn't mind pulling a few more strings," he said, cracking a charming smile. You knew he'd already won over your father, now he was just showing off. Bruce was never braggy, but he did sometimes get carried away.

"I wouldn't want to impose..." you father shook his head but Bruce wasn't having it.

"Nonsense, it would be fun. I'll call and see what I can get set up, no problem."

That was the golden ticket right there. Your dad never had a son to go to sports games with, and though he took you to plenty baseball events in your life, it simoly wasn't the same, because it wasn't something you were passionate about. It was simply an occasional thing you enjoyed.

You peeked your head around the corner to see them whispering to each other, and then shaking hands. You were so proud.

On the car ride home, Bruce was beaming. You knew that your dad had to have told him something wonderful for such a reaction to be written on his features.

"So what did my dad have to say?"

"You mean the part where you couldn't hear?" He asked. Your look of being caught off guard made him chuckle. "He told me that he'd lived in a house with you both long enough to know when you were eavesdropping."

"I can't believe he knew all these years and never said anything."

Bruce placed his hand high on your thigh, stroking circles with his thumb.

"He did have something else to say, you know," he paused and watched as you glanced up to meet his awaiting eyes. "He told me that he's never seen you so happy as when you were with me."

Bingo. That was the best thing Bruce could have expected to hear that evening and he heard it straight from the man that he feared. You were brining Bruce into your family now, he was apart of it.

You were grateful for the love you shared, and that you had the opportunity to have him in your life.

[supeson]

medicine

There was a simple routine to Monday mornings that Damian had come to expect. He was to wake up, do his morning bathroom activities, put on his pressed Gotham Prep uniform, eat breakfast, and finally, Pennyworth would take him to school. This was not apart of that routine.

"C'mon Damian, you don't wanna be late, do you?" You ask from the driver's side of your two door 2003 Ford Escort ZX2. The front bumper and grill have been replaced with used parts, not the same bright red as the rest of the car. The back end has chunks of plastic missing from the back bumper, and the back windshield has an old, fraying NYC firefighters sticker. "Hop in! Alfred said he had a morning appointment, so your dad asked me to take you to school!"

"No. I'll walk." Damian starts down the steps, giving an extremely wide berth to your atrocity of a vehicle. You crumple in on yourself, ready to take your car back to the garage, when a shadow casts itself over Damian.

"Get in the car. I specifically asked," Bruce says from the door of the Manor. Damian gives him the side eye, but then pivots to the car. He grouchily climbs into the passenger seat, throwing his bookbag to the floor. He goes to roll down the window, only to see there's no button. He spots the manual handle and groans, aggressively rolling down the window.

"Hey, squirt." You lean over him and look out the window to Bruce. "Bye babe, I'll be back in half an hour! Love you!"

You situate yourself back in your seat and start up the car. You immediately blast the AC, and start up the band you've been obsessed with lately. Damian can feel his soul leave his body as you peel out of the driveway.

*

"Why do we have the windows down if your air conditioner is fully functional?" Damian asks as you miss a turn into the city. "And where are we going?"

"Well for one, it's a nice day, a little wind won't kill you, and two if I don't keep the AC on max power while the car is running, it won't open this vent that goes to my engine, and it'll start to overheat. Thirdly, I figured I'd stop by a coffee shop, get us some coffee. I know this ride to school is a not-so-secret punishment from Bruce, 'cause you pulled some stupid shit on patrol last night." You pull into the drive-thru of the local Dunkin', pleased that you're only the third car in line.

"Why don't you just purchase a new vehicle? Surely that would solve all of your problems." And prevent this particular punishment from happening again, he thinks.

"I like my shitty little car. Also, I don't have the money for a new car right now. Contrary to popular belief, I don't use any of the Wayne money. Everything I buy is with my own money, and -" You cut yourself off as you roll up to the window. "Good morning! Can I please have a medium frozen hot chocolate and a Boston creme donut?" You turn to Damian and raise an eyebrow.

He purses his lips, then turns away. "...a large coffee, with extra milk and regular sugar."

You smile could blind him. "And a large coffee, extra light, regular sweet. Thank you!"

You roll up to the window and secure your purchase, popping a twenty into the tip jar. Damian gives you a look as you pull out, and you just shrug. "I don't have to pay rent anymore, thanks to Bruce, so I can afford to tip stupid well."

The rest of the ride to Gotham Prep is silent, well, for the most part. Damian is silent. You're in the driver's seat belting out whatever song comes on shuffle. You thankfully tone it down as you get into the carpool lane at GP, just tapping your left foot against the floor. Damian gets out when you make it to the doors, grabbing all of his stuff quickly, but not before thanking you for the ride, his mind forming a new appreciation for you altogether. You wave him off. "See you this afternoon for pickup, son!"

He pales at that, then feels his cheeks heat in anger at the moniker of 'son'. You cackle as you pull away, knowing full well that Alfred is gonna be the one to pick him up, but wanting to ruffle his feathers, as per Bruce's instructions.

[goggles-mcgee]

I am in love with your Wish Me Away Au. Beautiful, truly. Few wonderings and questions. What are your headcanons for if/when Mari starts dating / how does the batfam react? How does little Mari react to Bruce and Selina getting married? And how does Talia react to Mari being there and "softening" her "son"? I ask that last one because I have this headcanon of Talia always knowing what is going on with her "son". I keep putting those quotes around it because she is no mother. Again the idea as a whole is beautiful and I love it.

Awwwwww thank you ☺

Headcanons For When Marietta Starts Dating:

• Nobody, and I mean nobody, was ready for her to start dating or just take an interest in anyone. The boys were dreading the day and had pushed that inevitable knowledge that she would maybe one day want to be romantically involved with someone out of their minds. Who was dreading this day more? Marietta or Bruce? The world may never know.

Marietta knows just how overprotective her family can be but she also knows if she tried to secretly date anyone, it wouldn't be a secret for long.

Bruce dreaded the day because he knew how protective he was, he knew how protective the family was, he didn't want to be the stereotypical overprotective dad when their daughter starts dating but he can feel the transformation happening as we speak.

• Tim legit has an Application to Date My Sister form that he carries around. If someone flirts with Marietta he slaps on of those on the person with a dead serious face.....he..he uh...he didn't think people would actually fill out and send in the forms.

• Dick is overprotective but he is ready to be his baby sister's wingman if he can. Has made the "My sister is single and ready to mingle, unless you're human trash" announcement in public too many times to count.

• Jason will point out potential suitors for Marietta and just look at her and say. "I'll fight em. If they can last 5 secs they have my approval to approach you." Mari just smacks him everytime.

• Damian is arguably the most protective of Marietta, if he sees someone flirting with her he does pull out and point his katana at said person. He says things along the line of, "You think you are good enough for her?" And Marietta will absolutely duel her brother for embarrassing her.

Damian pointing his katana at people interested in his sister happens so often that buzzfeed has made a list of his Top 10 moments.

• Babs will do an in depth background check on whoever Marietta is talking to and if she finds something she doesn't like she tells Marietta ever bad or embarrassing thing said person has done in their life.

• Cass, she doesn't even have to do anything ridiculous like her brothers, when her and Marietta go out no one approaches because really? How can you dare go up to these angels and disturb their peace? You monster?

• Duke really thinks his brothers are too much so he will take Marietta out when she wants to run some errands but doesn't want any drama. If she talks to someone go her! But if it's someone he gets a bad feeling about he will absolutely send a group message with their location and a picture of the person.

• Alfred, he doesn't do anything because he knows Marietta can take care of herself and well if anyone does hurt her well he has his shotguns and really this is Gotham, people die from mysterious means all the time.

• Bruce will give you the most intimidating interview of your life if you are interested in his baby girl. One time he was grilling this boy so hard and Bruce was having fun so he thought he'd trip the boy up with asking what his social security number was and the boy, terrified as he is, yelled his social security number at Bruce Wayne. The boy was so mortified. Bruce was laughing his ass off on the inside.

Bonus Auntie Harley: Harley absolutely wingmans for Marietta happily, but if she sees behavior she doesn't like she will not hesitate to drop kick a teenager.

How does Marietta react to Bruce and Selina getting married?

She is absolutely ecstatic! She was already calling Selina maman, now it's official! They ask her to be the flower girl. Damian is the ring bearer.

How does Talia react to Mari?

She really does start to question if Bruce has a problem when she sees the toddler. Then she sees Damian with the little one and she sees the soft look on his face and it does something to her heart. Damian would never understand, but Talia does love her son but she chose work above her heart. So no matter what Damian thinks is good for him she knows better, she knows his destiny.

So seeing him soften anymore than he already has is complicated. A small part of her is proud, but the bigger part of her curses the Bat and his family for "ruining" her son. Obviously this is the little one's fault and what better way to cure her son than by taking the problem out of the way?

It doesn't go as she plans needless to say.