#all of this is just from my experience but i deal with such terrible hatred of myself that it makes me suicidal on a weekly basis

[evilminji]

You Know How There Are Those AU? Where SUPER Injured Ghosts Need To Retreat To Their Core?

No one seems to be USING that to its fullest potential! For SHENANIGANS! Because! Who?? Could POSSIBLY carry a Halfa's Core safely... but another Halfa?! A FULL ghost would KILL them. A human would be killed! What terribly precarious peril we find ourselves in! Oh nooooooo!

Well, no worry!

As much as Dani fuckin HATES this. That there is her brother. Her Template. Her Clone Daddy and Bestest of Bros. Like HECK she's gonna let him suffer for centuries and possibly DIE. She can take it, Doc! Pop him in! We'll go road tripping and-

What do you MEAN "No"?

Unstable??! Of course she's unstable! But the-.... Oh.

Turns OUT? Dani? Can hitch a ride in DANNY for Emergency Medical Aid... but NOT the other way around. Her body is too loosely held together. He would parasiticly consume her from within. Instead of feeding off her Ecto System like injured ghosts are supposed too, because she's a CLONE? AND an unstable one at that? His Core would just... see her body as free ectoplasm. All of it.

He'd eat her.

Which mean Frostbite can not and WILL NOT allow that.

But he's HURT! That big, off screen, cataclysmic Fight To Save Everybody From *cough cough mumbles* and settle us all in the DC universe, REALLY messed him up! What are we supposed to DO!? He can't STAY like this!!!

Enter-> My FAVORITE DCxDP Trash Ship! Vlad&Lex!!! *horrified screaming from the crowds, someone shouts "oh god, no! Please!"* Ha! There are no gods here, silly billys! Only two terrible, terrible HIGHLY Dramatic, self serving, incredibly damaged, gay peacocks. In Business Suits that cost more then your house is worth.

They're AWFUL~♡

And! Vlad was sent ahead to lay the ground work. Insure there would be no GIWs. Also because no one could stand him and his EXTENSIVE criminal record. But that's besides the point.

But!

You know what he found? A Business Nemesis. Who he routinely dates and/or Dramatically Hate Fu-*coughs* I mean, attempts a Corporate Take Over(tm) off. You know how it is. Business. He ALSO gets to make it no secret he's a "Meta", thanks to the INCOMPETENCE of one Jack Fenton, because that- *seething rant*

Yet? Dispite his STILL burning hatred for Jack? And his finally letting go of Maddie? You know what he STILL wants?

For Danny to be his Son.

*Gets a call from Frostbite*

...............soooooo........ what you're SAYING is..... I can be pregnant with Daniel.

You, Frostbite, need ME, Vladimir Masters, THE ONLY OTHER HALFA, to carry Daniel around inside my body, in what to all appearances resembles a pregnancy, in order to heal him. Because I am an Older And Stronger Halfa Upon Which He Relies.

:)

*instantly begins plotting*

Just? Imagine. Vlad is a FUCKIN LIAR. No one but him would even KNOW what was going on! He just? Rocks up one day, like? *falsely demure* "oh I couldn't POSSIBLY has any scotch, Lex! >:) I'm eating for Two~☆" and just? Deals the MAXIMUM amount of psychic damage he can.

Probably says it at their weekly, public, Veiled Threats Brunch.

It makes front page news. Luthor choked on his eggs. The paparazzi lost their SHIT. Vlad is doing the FULL Celebrity Mom Thing. The classes. The photo shoots. The Gucci sunglasses as he peruses high end strollers. All while HEAVILY suggesting that not only is "The Baby" Lex's.... but that he's going to withhold the child and deny Lex any access.

Danny isn't even aware. He's in a lovely lil medical coma. Dani is trying to find a good spot to plop down Amity. She just know Vlad is being... Vlad. Meh. He can handle it. Dan? He's not even IN the human realm and is not sure he wants to be.

But over in the LEAGUE? Everything's on fuckin FIRE.

Kon is losing his SHIT and Clark is thousand yard staring into the void. Kon's half brother is in the hands of a... Less Then Ideal... Meta that Batman is PRETTY sure is highly suspect. Might be a deliberate weapons experiment. Certainly is a hostage. And the DRAMA.

Lex has never been worse.

He might actually stab his...partner? Vlad. At the hospital. The SECOND the child is born. There are already long term kidnapping plans in the making. He's hiring lawyers. Getting VICIOUS. There have been talks with DEATHSTROKE. By BOTH OF THEM.

Clark wants to cry.

@hypewinter @ailithnight @nerdpoe @hdgnj @the-witchhunter @mutable-manifestation @babbling-babull

[rainba]

Black Roses.

Sorry if this is, like... Overly edgy..... I wanted to get some angst out of my system. >_<;;;;;;

Kairos + GN! reader

CW: obsessive behaviors, mild self-harm, suicidal ideation, angst

Kairos is familiar with the entity known as Death.

Death's cold, skeletal hands hold both his left and his right. Death interlocks its fingers with his, gripping him tightly, bruising his sensitive skin. The darkness of night is the only thing that Kairos knows. The light of the sun is far too much– it terrifies him. He fears that if he is to be touched by its golden rays, he would surely disintegrate.

All Kairos has ever wanted is one simple thing: unconditional love.

Is the feeling of being loved doomed to forever be far-removed from his life? 

The faces of couples walking down the streets haunts him. Kairos sees them kissing, hugging, holding hands, smiling and laughing in the comfort of one another’s embrace– he wants it so badly. He needs it. He's so terribly envious.

Kairos yearns so desperately to experience what it means to be "normal."

He wants to be normal, even if only for a single day. But he doesn’t actually believe he’s capable of it.

“Is… Is love even real?”

He used to wonder about that all the time.

With each passing night, the seeds of doubt would grow in his chest, their parasitic roots taking place inside his body and slowly draining him of life. Seeds of self-hatred, seeds of sorrow, seeds of gut-wrenching loneliness. Oh, how he wished to take a blade to his heart and cut them all out. He would look beautiful when covered in blood.

Days, months, years… The flowers were blooming; they refused to stop growing. Black roses decorated by thorns.

If they kept on growing, he knew he would surely die. He knew that the garden would fully flourish once he was buried six feet underground. It was tempting.

So tempting.

His existence will be worth more once he's gone, he thinks.

People will only love him when they no longer have to actually deal with him.

… However, once he meets you, his entire life will change forever.

When you treat him with kindness, when you acknowledge his existence, the horrible garden within his chest begins to wither.

To Kairos, you’re a miracle. To him, you’ve saved his life by simply existing. So perfect– so beautiful– you’re everything he could ever want and more. Perhaps you’re an angel sent from up above, an angel brought down to show him what it means to be alive. Perhaps you’re his soulmate, and after twenty-four years, he’s finally found you.

Kairos can’t return to the life he had before he met you. He can’t go back to the pitch-black darkness that he used to reside in.

Please, be his light– please, be his everything. The sun is too much, but you're perfect. He’ll do anything to keep you around.

He’ll change himself for you, he’ll grovel on the floor and beg you to stay. He'll kiss the ground that you walk on. He’ll cut down anyone who gets in his way. Just, please– please, please, don’t leave him. Your presence makes the poisonous flowers within him wither. You're his perfect cure.

Take death’s hands away from his and replace them with yours. Take his first kiss, be the first one to hold him close, show him that love truly does exist in this cruel and unforgiving world.

Kairos will follow you to the ends of the earth, always facing you the way a flower faces the sun. He’ll chase you until the end of time, if he has to.

Yell at him, scream at him, degrade and berate him. He’ll love you regardless. After all… Couples argue, right? There’s hiccups along the way. That’s normal! You love him, and you just don’t realize it yet. That’s what it is. That’s all that it is. That’s all.

Open your arms and accept him, reciprocate his love and hold him close… He’ll treasure you more than he treasures life itself. 

Will you show him that love is real?

Or will you reveal to him that what he’s feeling isn’t love at all?

[takerfoxx]

I'm not traditionally a poly shipper (though I've been delving more into it as time goes by), but if there's one that I'm absolutely gaga about, as if in makes my personal top five ships and might even slot in right beneath KyoSaya and SuleMio, it's the one that almost certainly could not and should not happen in canon, but the thought of it still kinda makes me rabid with what could have been.

I am of course talking about AsuReiShin, AKA the Israfel Special.

Evangelion shipping is often a bizarre experience, especially amongst the core trio of pilots. There is just so much material among these incredibly fucked up characters, so many things that ought to be drawing them together, and yet they are all damaged in such specific ways that drive them to behave increasingly toxic, avoidant, or even abusive toward one another. They're all such hot messes of trauma and hangups that, hate to say it, the Rebuild ending of everyone essentially just making peace with one another and fucking off with Shinji hooking up with the controversial new girl that he at least doesn't have any baggage with was probably the healthiest choice, if not the most satisfying.

But even so, the reason I dig this triad specifically is because if you change even just a little bit about each character, you find the same traits that drove them apart suddenly drawing them together, and each individual pairing makes so much sense. Asuka and Shinji is the most obvious, with Asuka's aggressive bullying suddenly becoming proactive encouragement, and Shinji's meek avoidance now becoming the calm, stabilizing force that she needs. With Asuka and Rei it's similar, with Asuka's hatred of Rei's passivity now being being a drive to push Rei to experience and enjoy life and establish an identity, while Rei's gentle observation and lack of a filter would be give Asuka a much-needed source of self-reflection. And with Shinji and Rei, we've already seen how Shinji's kindness has encouraged Rei to step outside of her sheltered world and seek human connection, while also providing Shinji someone he felt was worth stepping up and fighting for.

Now, take all three of those dynamics and combine them together. You've basically got the perfect Id, Ego, and Superego situation. It's practically the adolescent Kirk, Spock, and McCoy dynamic!

Plus, there's also the other factors that would bring them together, even beyond the whole being hormonal teenagers in a stressful situation. Despite having wildly different personalities, they all had their lives destroyed by NERV, from Shinji losing his mother and being neglected by his father, to Asuka's mother losing her mind and taking her life thanks to the Evangelions, to Rei literally being created by Gendo to serve a terrible purpose and thus being robbed of ever having a life. That sort of "in the trenches" experience is exactly the sort of thing that would cause them to form bonds and seek comfort with one another, especially if they were all to learn of each other's past histories, and motivate them to stand up for one another against NERV's machinations, but ah, I'm delving into AU fanfic territory.

Point is, no, I don't think it would be wise for these three to seek out romance with one another, either as couples or all three of them together. But man, if they each just had just a little bit changed about them, can you imagine the pure emotional catharsis?

Note: I didn't really say anything about Kaworu because while I feel that he's probably the healthiest singular choice for Shinji, it's basically only with Shinji, making him his own separate deal entirely.

[aroanthy]

thinking about nanami and touga both telling utena not to trust anthy at the end of the series. whilst nanami and anthy being friends is something that makes me bawl like a little baby and overjoys me immensely, ive never bought a reading of nanami post-32 that is anthy positive. like idk how you could get that impression when all she does is talk about how anthy is a terrible and dangerous person. she’s scared of her. and you know she shouldn’t be, but it’s understandable why a 13 year old living in ohtori academy might be scared of someone she already didn’t like after finding out something deeply traumatic regarding them and not having the tools to make sense of it in a compassionate way. and it makes me want to eat drywall

what’s really interesting about all this to me tho is how both kiryuus tell utena not to trust ‘the chairman/end of the world or himemiya anthy/the rose bride’. anthy and akio are a package deal of toxicity and harm to both of them and if that isn’t just the most fascinating thing ever. also the difference between nanami’s ‘chairman/himemiya’ and touga’s ‘end of the world/rose bride’ (nanami giving her warning during the badminton scene, touga giving his at the end of his duel. so much going on here wrt roles and settings and rituals and reality). but getting back to my real point isn’t it so cool (agonising) how nanami and touga are incapable of extending compassion or understanding to anthy despite the fact that they’re the two people who know the most about her other than utena and akio. and like. they don’t know a Lot, but theyve both had a smidge of insight into an abusive relationship that mirrors aspects of their own lives in myriad ways

idk something about the rose bride as a symbol who bears all of humanity’s hatred. and in the end all girls are like the rose bride yes, but key word here is like. an approximation; all trapped, all agonised, yes, but not all literally fucking crucified for eternity by a million swords that shine with human hatred. not abstracted in such a particular and insidious way. i always find anthy/kiryuu parallels compelling wrt issues of race and class and mannnnnn. nanami takes a step away from the duelling game. she’s not out, but she’s not actively partaking, not actively being exploited. touga, whilst a little more overtly involved in stuco business and still meeting with akio, does also take a step away. like, they’re both able to do that. it’s a bit of an artifice, sure, they’re still here, but oh my god oh my god oh my god. theyre not anthy. am i making sense can anyone hear me holy shit

i think what im trying to say is that for everything that both nanami and touga learn about ohtori academy and the people living in it, for everything that forces them to self-reflect and question the ground that they stand upon, they fail to break the chain with it. like, they too contribute to anthy’s abstraction. she’s an idea that they secretly embody/emulate (not sure which word works better for what im trying to say just yet), and not a person who shares experiences with them but is still wholly separate from them. this kind of compassion is like. it’s too hard, when you’re in the situations that all three of them are in. anthy too perceives both of them as nonhuman, but there is a crucial power dynamic at play here. how can you stomach such a kindness to someone you can only see as a poor imitation of the worst parts of yourself, whom you loathe??

^ THIS GUY loves it when characters commit acts of extreme violence against one another that they themselves have experienced. the nanamianthytouga brand

[swannieluv]

｡ﾟ･The Bold Mendacity - 𝟔. Pinky Promise

✦⸼࣪⸳ 𝐆.𝐈 𝐕𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 (𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜) 𝐱 𝐆𝐍!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 <3

✦⸼࣪⸳ 𝐖𝐜: 2,6K

✦⸼࣪⸳ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆!!: Mentions of child abuse (?) and death.

✦⸼࣪⸳𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨: ♡

✦⸼࣪⸳A/N: Hope you guys like it. Writing for Freminet is relaxing and well, big sis Clorinde's gonna appear more by the next chapters. Little spoiler because yes <3

"Why...?"

When the twilight rays of the sun hit the surface of what had been beneath that gloomy cloak, what had been hidden under the veil of darkness was finally revealed. In the end, this presence was none other than that beautiful statue of the Hydro Archon, made to represent the very justice of the goddess.

It would have been admirable, except for the unnerving feeling of something being out of place. Before, in its hand was a perfectly balanced scale. The strange thing was that this time, the side with the tiny representation of Fontaine was slightly lowered, while the side with the water seemed to be pulled upwards.

Tears flowed from the statue's uncovered eyes. For a second, perhaps, it seemed to have a life of its own. The more tears flowed down those delicate marble cheeks, the less air was absorbed into your lungs and the more water was coughed up.

That was supposed to be the face of justice, so why did it cause you so much hatred?

"What more do you want from me? I've already died once!" Your face contorted in anger as your hoarse voice screamed, it wasn't fair to be persecuted like this, not least because your sentence had already been served the day the guillotine shattered your neck.

Of course, there wouldn't be an answer. Upon this, your anger vanished and was replaced by emptiness. There wouldn't be a merciful goddess in this life, just like there wasn't one in your past.

"I've already paid my price so why… Why do you hate me so much? Answer me at least once please… Hydro Archon… Why did I have to suffer that much…”

"[Name]?"

Your face automatically turned towards the owner of the voice. On the other side of the corridor was your savior in this terrible situation: Clorinde, whose face was filled with concern when she saw you in that state. Her footsteps brought her closer in a matter of seconds.

Her hands seemed miraculous, because the second she touched you, your breathing eased. However, the pain didn't go away. It was the same sensation of drowning, as if your body was being burned from the inside out.

"C-Clorinde, the statue." You whimpered, clinging to her arm and pointing at the sculpture.

"What's wrong with it?"

Clorinde blinked twice, confused. To her, there was nothing wrong with Focalors’ statue. It was exactly as it should always be.

'She... can't see what I see?'

In front of you, the statue continued to cry, the tears reaching other parts of her body. The scale holding the water overflowed slightly and the liquid made its way to the floor.

"Isn't it strange looking, Clorinde...?"

"There's nothing strange about the statue. What are you talking about, [Name]?" She put a hand over your forehead to check your temperature and then took it away.

"You're burning up... Why aren't you in your room resting instead of being out here?"

She looked over and saw "Furina" lying in a corner. Clorinde took it in her hands to inspect what it was.

'A toy?'

She soon came to the conclusion that it was just something you got as a gift, no big deal. With a quick gesture, she slipped the  mechanical puppy into one of her pockets.

Seeing your sweaty forehead, she took a tissue and gently wiped the sweat from it. She then stood up with you in her arms and went on her way. Unlike when she was 10, Clorinde now had more experience of carrying children. All this after many years of carrying you up and down like a sack of potatoes.

"C-Clori..."

Your arms wrapped tightly around her neck. Clorinde carried you as if your body was made of glass, which wasn't much of an exaggeration in the state you were currently in.

'Why does all this happen to me? After years... I wonder what I did to deserve it...'

This kind of thought kept running through your mind. You had already died and paid for your crime, so why did it seem that this world keeps punishing you like this? And why only you? If this was justice and what should be done, then you deserved at least some kind of explanation as to why you were still in the middle of all these inexplicable things, no?

But of course, the universe would only offer more and more questions every time you tried to find an answer.

"[Name]? Are you still awake?”

She didn't receive a direct answer, but the sniffs coming from you already gave her what she needed. She held you tighter, her steps quickening.

'They’ve never been ill before. Why so suddenly?' Even though her face was serious, Clorinde's mind was racing. She didn't have much experience of looking after children and her sister Dora wasn't there today.

'Of all the days she needed to visit that place, today?

Clorinde's hand turned the handle a few times, but the door wouldn't budge. After losing patience, she kicked the door open with her boots. Fortunately, without breaking anything.

"You're going to stay put and rest while I look after you, you hear?"

"Yeah... sorry..."

"Don't apologize for getting sick. People aren't to blame for that sort of thing." She put you to bed, covering you with a blanket that would warm you up but not overheat you.

'Come on, Clorinde. Think. There's no medicine here... and they're certainly not going to let someone like me get the pills from the infirmary.’ She sighed and looked at you, covering one of your feet that stuck out of the covers.

'If only I were affiliated with the temple... no, I can't do that.

“I’m really sorry, [Name]. I hardly have any time to spend with you."

Her fingers ran through your hair affectionately. Clorinde wasn't very good at this sort of thing, so her touch was partly hesitant. But it was certain that she was trying her hardest to keep you comfortable.

"You can go and train... I'll be fine here on my own."

"I can't... Well, I don't want to." She pulled a chair close to where you lay and sat down in it.

"I can skip training once to look after my little sibling, can't I?"

Oh. Has Clorinde really said that? She really did consider you a kind of family.

"Little sibling...?"

You unconsciously gripped her hand, which was at your side, tightly. With hopeful eyes, your attention went completely to her.

"Hm? Of course. I've been looking after you since I was like seven..." Even though her face clearly showed no signs of a smile, her eyes were warm and contained great affection.

'But it's not as if a seven-year-old would understand anything about that.'

"So I like having a big sister... hehe."

Clorinde gave you a quick kiss on the forehead and was silent afterwards. It seemed that she wanted you to fall asleep soon and for the fever to go down as a result.

"Have sweet dreams, [Name]...”

Two months have passed since the day Freminet first appeared in your life.

Your daily routine remained the same: the Temple of Hiems continued to bustle and you kept bringing and taking items and boxes to the volunteers. Unfortunately, this had disrupted your plans to meet Freminet at least once a week, as your tasks were increasing considerably as your eighth birthday approached. There was nothing that could be done. All that remained was to wait for the day when he finally showed up and you were free, like today.

And because of that, now you were there, silently making wreaths and playing with "Furina", the mechanical puppy, in a garden further away from the rest of the building. Since your drowning, you have increasingly avoided anything involving water.

"Your birthday's in a few days, isn't it? What are you up to?" Freminet had a small smile on his face as he finished his own wreath, made of meticulously decorated daisies. He was really good at it.

"Hm? I think I'll ignore it."

He soon turned to you. His gaze was filled with a mixture of incredulity and confusion, as if he wanted to say something but didn't know how to put it into words.

"Why would you ignore your own birthday?"

"Hm..."

For you, it didn't make much sense to celebrate something like the day you were born, when you don't even know the exact date. They assigned the day that Marechaussee Phantom's melusine brought you to the temple as the official date, stipulating that you were around two or three months old, but there was no way of knowing for sure.

'What was her name, Veleda? I haven't seen her since that day...'

"I find it boring to celebrate, that's all."

Clorinde didn't celebrate hers either, maybe that's where you got the habit of completely ignoring this day, no one did anyway. At most, Sister Dora, who baked a homemade cake and kissed you goodnight, wishing you sweet dreams. Ironically or not, your nightmares disappeared for a while when she did this

"They say that this year's Fontinalia Festival will be bigger than the others. And it will take place during your birthday."

"So... err..." Freminet carefully placed the daisy wreath over his face, hiding his slightly flushed cheeks. "Why don't we take a ride together on the Aquabus... then? You know, it's really nice and you can see the whole city..."

"Aquabus?" You'd never heard of it before. Well, a lot has changed in the last nine years. Or maybe it was because of your isolation from the rest of the world. It was as if you were an old woman learning to deal with technology for the first time, needing someone's help to understand basic concepts.

"It's nice... I rode it with Mom once and it was fun. It would be nice to ride with you next time." Freminet looked away, eventually exchanging an embarrassed glance.

"I've... I've never left here."

Freminet looked at you wide-eyed, dropping the crown to the ground. This set off a few alarm bells in your mind. It was true, you had never left the temple in your life, in fact, you had never even fully explored it. Some places like where Clorinde trained or where she resided before moving in with you were inaccessible to you.

'I must have said something wrong...'

You cleared your throat before giving a big smile to lighten the heavy mood a little.

"Just kidding! I've been to lots of places like that fountain... and... that building. Yeah, lots of places."

The names of these places didn't come to mind. You were sure you remembered the center of Fontaine perfectly, so why were you unable to connect them to their respective names?

"You... don't look much like someone who leaves the house. Although, this isn't a house." He looked around, taking into account that the temple was a very public place for someone like you to live.

"Hm? Of course it's a house!" You crossed your arms, looking at him incredulously. In your conception, the temple meets the concept of a home: "It has food, a bed, a roof...."

"But what about your parents? Are they volunteers too?"

"Freminet... I don't have parents."

With your statement, a deafening silence fell between you. For many, this might be a difficult topic to discuss, but for someone like you, who has lived two lives without the need for biological parents, their existence could easily be dismissed out of hand.

"Oh... sorry…”

He seemed very sorry to have mentioned the existence, in this case the non-existence, of your parents. His eyes couldn't even meet yours.

"But I'm happy! I have you, sister Dora, Clorinde. The three of you are enough..."

It was true. In your past life, your only companion was a nanny with whom you weren't that close, so having three people by your side was already something extremely good. As they say: make friends, they don't have to be many, but friends you can trust.

It was hard to say that you trusted them with your life, after everything that had happened in the past. People who revered you were the first to point fingers as soon as the farce was exposed, even though they were the ones who had put you in that situation. It wasn't as if you had asked Lady Furina to save you, perhaps it would have been better if you drowned and didn't live a life like that.

'I wonder... would it have been different if I had been born as the real one?'

If that were the case, you'd be 11 or 12 now. By now, she's probably using the same room as you, living the same lonely life as well. Deep down, envy and anger consume you, since her birth was the main reason for your death sentence. However, just like how you were put in that place, it wasn't her fault that she was born in this position.

'Yeah... I guess it would still be sad.' You tried to smile to yourself, trying somehow to mask the truth that you wouldn't live happily anyway.

"I can try to get out of here on the day of the Festival! If I ask Clorinde, she might end up taking me."

"Then... let's meet in front of the Court of Fontaine." Freminet extended her little finger towards you, as if waiting for something.

"The Court of Fontaine...?"

You felt a bad feeling creep through your mind. It wasn't exactly the place you wanted to go. That was exactly the place where your life ended, going back would be a great hypocrisy.

'But maybe if I go to the center... I'll be able to find out what that thing asked for. That thing... ugh.'

After what happened, you started running whenever you had to pass that statue or take alternative routes. All this just to avoid crossing paths with it.

"Yes. We can take the Aquabus together and watch the fireworks from up there."

His finger remained extended, waiting for your response; but only silence remained between you.

"I've never seen the fireworks up close, I hope I can see them with you." A little smile formed on your face as you looked at him, who looked like he was waiting for something.

“What do you want?”

“To make a pinky promise.” He mumbled under his breath. After taking a deep breath, he looked into your eyes.

“A pin… pinky promise?” You looked at your hand and the back at him in confusion.

“You don't know what a pinky promise is?”

“I don't…” You imitated him and extended your finger too.

“I'll teach you!”

You’d never seen Freminet so determined in those two last months. He had a smile and his eyes were full of confidence.

“We interlock our fingers and promise what we want. So we won't break it.”

“Oh… let's do it then!”

You smiled at him as you interlocked your finger around his. You both shared a heartful laugh.

“I promise to watch the fireworks with you…” You both uttered the same thing, sealing your promise.

It brought back memories of your past. All those years during the festival when you could only watch the fireworks through the barred window of your quarters. Even trapped like that, you were filled with joy at being able to experience something like that. If only you knew what freedom really was, you wouldn't settle for so little.

“I'm really happy right now so…”

"[Name]." Freminet's smile fell gradually.

"Hm?"

"Why are you..."

He raised a hand and cautiously brought it close to your face, he didn't seem to know quite what he was doing. But when they touched your cheeks, it dawned on him.

"Why are you crying?”

[the-real-sasuke-uchiha]

Thoughts on Hashirama's past with trauma? Frankly I think it's an excuse that he didn't stand up against Tobirama because their father abused him. He was the Hokage.. Also I'm not sure who to ask this but you seem knowledgeable Sas so can you refresh my memory about what happened with Madara, Hashi, and Tobirama? It's been a while since I read the manga/watched the anime. If you have time/effort. Just a quick explanation is all I'm looking for. :)

Anyone who disagrees please don't get angry and attack, and take it up with me if you do.

Hi there! How are you?

Don't worry at all, people can keep scrolling or block a tag if they are unable to deal with a character being criticised. This will be anti Hashirama and anti Tobirama, of course. Those who know me even a tiny bit know that they are constantly receiving hate in this blog, so, no surprise.

If you don't mind, I will start by the end. Hashirama had proposed the hokage position to Madara, but Tobirama was against that and requested a democratic election. Immediately after, Tobirama also fed his racist bullshit to Hashirama, and Hashirama barely answered with one of his typical small scoldings. This was overheard by Madara, who obviously was not happy. Hashirama gets elected, and Madara realises that the Senju are hoarding the power in the village. This, together with the fact that Tobirama could not let go of his prejudice and hatred towards the Uchiha, makes him correctly foresee that the Uchiha face a fate of exclusion and doom in the village they co-founded. He tries to warn his clan, but nobody trusts him, so he leaves mortified because he was unable to protect his family once again. And later attacked the village and Hashirama killed him. More or less that, in summary.

Now, about Hashirama, I can totally understand that he was traumatized by his abusive father, by his siblings being killed, by a childhood of war and suffering, and by all you want. But I can't by any means justify his terrible job as a hokage with any of that. He had the responsibility to lead the village fairly and, if he was unable to do that, he should have passed the position to someone else. You can't take such a job willingly and then justify your very concious and obvious negligence on trauma or faked incompetence.

Tobirama likely had many reasons to hate the Uchiha, as the Uchiha had many reasons to hate the Senju. Nobody is asking Hashirama to get rid of his brother, but he should have found someone impartial as an advisor. He knew perfectly that his brother was racist, and still, he not only listened to him and let him influence state matters, he also appointed him as a successor. He let Tobirama desecrate Madara's body for his experiments, and he knowingly let him kill and experiment with people to develop the Edo Tensei. One can understand that he loved his brother unconditionally, as he was the only family he had left. But he had a duty as a leader to put limits to his brother's crimes and rampant bigotry. Or, if he was unable to stop him, at least keep him far from any position of power.

You know, if the Uchiha were to do something remotely similar to what Hashirama did, everyone would be questioning their loyalty, saying that they put their clan before the village, curse of hatred and whatever bullshit.

Another thing I can't stand of Hashirama is that he plays innocent and dumb. And I just can't believe this comedy. Because in his political actions he was never dumb. He was entertaining Madara with empty promises and nice words but, first chance he has, he leaves him out of the leadership of the village they both founded. Why didn't he, don't know, appoint Madara or any other Uchiha as his advisor instead of his biased brother? Collecting tailed beasts is also not the behaviour of a fool, he very much intended to hoard power to stablish Konoha's supremacy (and his own). He distributed the tailed beasts but was clever enough to keep the most powerful one to himself. And for a man who reached to power with the excuse of democracy, see how quick he forgot about it nominating someone from his family without taking anyone's opinion into consideration. Should I believe he established an oligarchy by accident because he was naïve, and that he didn't know what would happen once his racist brother got to power?

Anyway, sorry, this was probably too long. But I start hating on Hashirama and I get carried away...

Take care!

[klonnieshippersclub]

sorry if i say the wrong words im white!!! until this account+Bonnie fans i was never into klonnie or thought of her without Enzo. i LUV Klaus for her now!!! more than Enzo but i am a big TO fan, i remember DG sticking up for LT/PT, u can find footage of that, u can never find anything of the TVD cast defending Kat?! on Reddit tvd fans have said nina saved Kat’s job though love ur blog keep posting content

Welcome to Klonnie! I'm glad to open you up to Bonnie outside of her being the magical negro trope. On to your question, you can't find footage of what doesn't exist. There have been rumors for years that Ian, Nina or Paul saved Kat's job. The answer is none of them did. According to Julie Plague, it was Kat who convinced her to keep Bonnie. The only reason these rumors persist is because are searching for a reason to make them white saviors. We're supposed to believe Paul, Ian and Nina stood up for Kat when her biggest opposition was Julie, their boss. They and Candice continue to have a relationship with Julie. Candice on-going and continuously positive relationship with Julie plays A LOT into Caroline’s treatment and favoritism in the fandom. Here Candice’s jokes about how easy it was for Julie to accommodate her during her pregnancy. Where was this accommodation for Kat in various situations.

It is unfortunate that anyone could receive death threats for a role they’re playing. Respect to Daniel Gillies for defending his costars from continuous hatred which to my knowledge feel free to correct me came from toxic KC stans. In Kat’s case it isn’t the same, no one defended her from the fans who’ve disliked her since day one because she wasn’t white. The hatred that Bonnie/Kat faces wasn’t just from the fans. The writers fed into it. Julie was often the leader fed of it too. Bamon fans were labeled rabid, Bonnie/her fans is insulted by Julie herself. Matt Davis even mocked Kat online. Julie claims she’s never liked Klaroline shippers yet continued to service them since 2010.

The cast of tvd are not heroes. Michael Malarkey even denied that Kat was being mistreated. Who is he to speak on a black woman's experience? If they actually believed Kat was wronged, why do they continue to engage with and work with Julie Plec? We all know Julie is a gross racist. She even made Megan Thee Stallion's shooting about herself. She hasn't learned because we see the same racist tropes she used against Bonnie in Vampire Academy. She's a terrible person and Kat was essentially on her own dealing with it, since her co-stars were too busy cozying up to their racist showrunner to get ahead.

In conclusion Kat saved herself. The end. She survived even after she was constantly sidelined and still for 6 years paid the lowest of them all. Kat did it by herself.

[ludwigoat909]

//// vent (hide my "lulu d vent" tag if you don't want to see it)

I think one reason I've started being more sympathetic towards Kotoko, which is also one of the reasons I use to hate her for and yet never admitted it, is that, just like her, Not only do I want to be worse then those that hurt others for the wrong reasons. And that just like her, I can't let those who hurt me and others ever get away with this. I want to be the equivalent to what they are to me or others, even tho I know they are the last person I wish to become. That's what hatred does to you, the feeling of giving back what was thrown at you. Why do we get hurt and not them? Why do the minority get specific names and not the biggots? Why do they get to make yourself a fool while they never feel shame thanks to their blinding ego? Why don't THEY get to suffer for thinking it's ok to be awful to you?

They never get the same pain then they give us. It feels like we are doomed to loose because they have the experience of years of biggotry against us for weapon. And it's not fair.

Unlike Kotoko who isolated herself and became more radicalized on her own tho. For me it was growing up with relatives that used my anger to make themselves feel like the better one. My response to any threat has always been anger. That I had to attack back when I was being attacked.

There's this relative in particular, who likes to dog pile people whenever they make the slightest mistake because he likes to feel special about being correct (actually, it may be why I get so mad at most internet discourse like shipping because of how people seem to care of being the more correct one, which was another reason why I use to dislike her and currently Fuuta). And with I, being a disabled adhd and autistic person, it shouldn't take a wild guess to imagine how they treated me. There were times when he got pissed at me where he liked to throw ableist slurs at me (these are kind of common in France saddly thanks to our beautiful language having a trillion insults and slurs for literally anything). And there was me thinking I had to throw back with the same shit since I thought that if this is their idea of an insult I had to fight back the same. And that if I didn't fight back, I would let myself be crushed.

Now even years later I feel horrible about it. And yet in my own mind it feels like I never learned. When I get angry and in my mind I would imagine interacting in the same way they did out of impulsivity. This kind of disgusting impulsive thoughts I get is even worse considering I also have terrible ocd from which suffer from awful intrusive thoughts that are also no limited to insults either. All because I feel like it's the only language they know of.

That last second in Deep Cover is not so different from how I feel afterwards when these happen.

If this sounds like I'm trying to excuse Kotoko's actions or make myself more sympathetic. I am not. I may not brutally kill or assault people like she does. But this kind of shit is wrong and I wish I could be a better person. i wish I controlled my anger better. I wish I wasn't like this. I just don't know how I can stop being like this. And I want help to find a better way to deal with conflict like these. I just fear so much of people getting away with things... I fear people think they are right for the things they are wrong about me or others, because for so long I feel like I've been treated like shit because people didn't understand me and had a dead set opinion on who I was. And now it feels like they've put me where they wanted me to be and I hate it.... I just want to become the person I wish to be. i wish to be someone that lives up to what I truly believe and not some vicious pile of anger

[queer-geordie-nerd]

I've realised over the last month of doing a lot of reading and following the posts of leftist Jews and/or Israelis, that *a lot* of the awful stuff that I've swallowed and believed about Israel in the past has actually been absolute, sheer bollocks and so much of it spread in bad faith by people who desperately want it to be as evil and bloodthirsty in reality as it is in their imagination, and accepted by people who just don't know any better and can't be bothered to check. To my shame, I couldn't see this for what it is - just a modern form of blood libel.

Is Israel a perfect and innocent party? Of course not, and I haven't seen a single person try to say it is - there have certainly been great wrongs committed in its history - which is true of almost every country on earth.

But a great deal of the rhetoric around it is just plain wrong, and exaggerated past the point of absurdity and needless to say, antisemitism is at the very core of this, even by people who wouldn't ever admit this to themselves. How else to explain out of all the nations in the world, Israel is the only one that has to constantly defend its right to even exist? Israeli civilians don't get to be ordinary people just living their lives like citizens of other countries who are guilty of human rights abuses, including my own. (I live in the UK, and we've had a quasi-fascist party in power for 13 years, that has created a hugely hostile atmosphere for immigrants and refugees, the poor, and the chronically ill and disabled; and anyone who knows even the slightest bit of history knows that ours is a very long, bloody and oppressive one. Yet no one ever argues that it should cease to exist or that we, as citizens, deserve it when there are terrorist attacks on our soil or that we are all some homogeneous hive mind who agreed with every single act of our government.)

Instead, they're subject to intense dehumanisation and hatred merely for existing. That there are many brave people and organisations on the ground who work tirelessly for peace and to improve the lives of Israelis and Palestinians from within these spheres is totally ignored in favour of Western activists deciding that all Israelis are terrible actually and obviously must hate Palestinians does a massive disservice to these amazing people. It's extremely easy from our privileged Western perspective to sit at our computers or go to rallys and protests thousands of miles away from the actual lived experiences of the people involved and chant our self righteous little slogans, without really caring or taking the time to educate ourselves about the incredibly complex geopolitical history at play. It's so very simple to have a Good Guy and a Bad Guy and just forget about the nuance, because nuance doesn't make for pithy slogans and protest banners.

All of this rambling to say I am incredibly grateful for the many Israeli and Jewish bloggers I've learned a great deal from, and to those "activists" who bleed away all of the nuance and humanity in favour of an Israel = EVIL narrative, I see what you are.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for refusing to give up on my friend?

Hi! I (13M) have this really cool friend group. Or at least… I did. The other members were F (13F) and K (13M), and we were super super close. We met at our middle school.

But… we’re not normal middle schoolers. I was the first one to find out. I’m actually the reincarnation of a super cool super-powered alien (who was not actually an alien, but it’s more fun to describe it that way) who died 15 years ago.

I know I’m him, btw. I’m not just making it up. Dude was a super big public figure, and I have tons of his memories. My teacher (who was one of his students at one point) (30m) even agrees with me. He thinks I’m the real deal.

F is the reincarnation of someone, too. Specifically, someone I knew in my past life. In our past lives she was a normal, albeit REALLY NICE person who inspired me a lot… someone who I accidentally got killed. I was heartbroken when I remembered how she died and super stoked when F told me she was her. That’s not why we became friends, of course— F has always been my ride or die, but I was so, so happy my dear friend had been alongside me all this time.

But while on the topic of how F… died in our past lives, I should probably mention what my job was before I was an alien.

I was a serial killer. I called myself an assassin, but that’s giving myself too much credit, really. Ultimately, I was just a murderer— and an INFAMOUS one, too. I had a kill count in the thousands. I was an honest-to-god no good, selfish, terrible guy. It makes me feel sick to even think about.

I even had an apprentice in killing, and one I treated like garbage. I stole him away from his bad family and instead of showing him love only showed him more hatred. I treated that boy like trash.

The only reason I stopped being a serial killer is that he handed me over to authorities. And authorities… well, for reasons I still don’t really understand, they handed me over to this… guy. I’ll call him Y. Y was a no-good, rotten, nasty piece of work. Every bit as bad as I was… and that’s saying a lot! He instantly began to perform extremely painful human experiments on me, doing so with the excuse that no one would miss me.

But it wasn’t all bad. In Y’s custody is where I met F in our past lives. She was working for him. And he treated her like garbage, too. He’d hit her and call her names and make her feel so unsafe. She was miserable when she was around him.

I… tried my best to help, but there’s not a lot I could do from behind a glass screen. Still, I came to empathize with F, and it was actually becoming her friend that made me want to give up killing.

Eventually, I escaped Y’s lab, but at a terrible cost. I turned into a alien monster and went on a horrific rampage— killing tons of people. And even worse, F got killed, too. Like I said: it was an accident, a result of a trap that Y set up, but at the same time it really, REALLY felt like my fault. I hated myself. Both in that life and now when I learned about it.

Still, I lived an okay life after that. I ended up taking in some students that F originally cared for and nurtured them. And I treated them right, unlike I treated my original apprentice. Because of them and F, I learned to love. Eventually, I died, but only after sending Y into hospice and getting to say goodbye to my beloved kids.

I was content with that.

But... here I am now.

Originally, I didn't remember all of this. I just remembered being a cool superpowered guy. Learning how messed up all of it was really, REALLY scared me. I was glad when I learned that F was... well, F, so I could apologize to her, but that didn't fix everything. After all, there were still so many people I hurt. I felt like an awful person who didn't deserve to be alive. My friends and family tried to comfort me, but it was... really hard, for a time.

And even worse than that, soon after, K started drifting away from me.

I know I haven't talked about K much, so let me describe him a little. He's a real stand-up guy. A little cowardly... but he has a big heart. He was always-- and I mean ALWAYS there for me and F, even as we learned all the weird stuff about our past lives. He's funny and sweet and supportive. The kind of person I'd do anything for. I really, really loved him, and so did F.

So... things were stressful when he started to pull away. He stopped hanging out with us. Kept giving us the cold shoulder. I didn't understand why. I thought maybe it was because he was scared of me now, but that wasn't fair to F. I confronted him and told him that if I was a bad person then F shouldn't have to suffer for it. That he was really important to her, and he should keep being her friend, at least!

But that's when K told me something, and it was something I NEVER expected to hear.

...K was Y.

He told me he just remembered recently. That he really didn't know. He broke down in tears, telling me that that's why he pulled away. He remembered abusing the two of us and felt like he no longer deserved to our friend. It was well and truly heartbreaking to hear.

Because... here's the thing. I hate Y. Like really, REALLY hate Y, but K is nothing like him. K is one of the best people I know. He's never treated me like anything less than a superhero. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

I told him it was alright. I told him I didn't care. I told him that the past was the past and that Y was dead now and he was someone new. He was shocked, but I really, really believed it. And for the first time, in saying so, I actually felt alright about myself. I realized that if K wasn't responsible for his actions in a past life-- if he never asked to be born, then neither did I. I realized that if I didn't hate him, then maybe... I didn't have to hate myself.

I gave him a BIG hug and told him we could go back to being friends. I told him it didn't matter. And I thought everything would be alright.

But K... also wanted to tell F the truth.

I get why he did. He kept saying she deserved to know. But at the same time, F is a pretty... standoffish person. She's not like she used to be-- all kind and forgiving. It took me a very long time to befriend her. She gets angry easily and she makes a lot of snap judgements. I was so certain she'd get upset with K.

And F... really needed me and K, I think. She had a bad life. Her parents weren't at all nice to her and she had a lot of self esteem issues. K and I were the only friends she had. I knew that if she ditched K, then she wouldn't have anyone. No-one would be there to support her.

And I'd be asked to take sides. How could I possibly do something like that?

So I convinced K to hide it. I told him that he was a new person now and F didn't need to know. All telling her would do is break her heart. I didn't want to hurt her like that.

And so for a while, the secret remained between us.

But then something really bad happened to K's family. I won't go into details, 'cause I'm not sure it's my place, but it was something truly awful. He nearly lost a parent, and even worse... he was convinced it was his fault. He CERTAIN that the universe was punishing him in some way for being Y, or at the very least, for not telling F about it, and that if he didn't spill the beans then even worse stuff would happen.

...So he did. He told her.

And F reacted just like I thought she would. Angry and crying, she said she couldn't believe she ever trusted him. She accused him of just pretending to not know... and manipulating her so he could hurt her. She was pissed. She punched K in the face and told him she never wanted to see him again.

I tried to reason with her, but she wouldn't hear me out. And when she learned I knew about this before she did... that I suggested hiding it from her, she got even more upset. She told me that I was taking her abuser's side over her-- someone that I'd been friends with for two lifetimes now, and that she never wanted to see me again, either. She called me a selfish jerk and ran off sobbing.

And... that's where things are at. Our little friend group's torn apart. I really want to fix things, but I don't even know where to start. Did I do the wrong thing? By taking K's side? By telling him to hide the truth? I just wanted to protect he and F... I really love them both. But now I'm being expected to choose, and I hate that.

Even K thinks I made the wrong call. That I shouldn't have told him to hide it and that F had every right to react how she did. But at the same time... I just feel so sick. I know he's better now. He's my friend. He has to be better. If he's not, then I'm not. I'm just a no-good killer. Why can't F just see that? Remember all the nice stuff K's done for her?

What do I do? How do I repair things? I feel like if I were still the guy I was in my past life then I'd know how to. But instead, I'm clueless. I feel lost and useless. I'm really, really sorry and afraid.

AITA?

[qqueenofhades]

I hope this isn’t weird or something that I should just deal with on my own and all that, so I apologize in advance because this is incredibly recent and I’m still hurting and trying to figure out what to do next.

One of my friends of quite a while now turned out to be a massive fuckin transphobe. Yippie. The thing is, he’s fully in support of the non-straight side of the queer community, always has been, but apparently that’s where he draws the line, and I just learned that today, and it sucks. It sucks so much that someone I really cared about turns out to be a kinda terrible person who ended up saying some incredibly hurtful and disrespectful things when it all came to light.

But the thing is, while the trans hatred is DEFINITELY there, it all seems to be stemming from a place of generational hatred and ignorance because he just can’t see how his actions and words are hurtful. It turns malicious when he’s pushed, as I learned the hard way, but I feel the root of it is simply ignorance.

We got in an argument via text, which, of course, is always the worst way to do things but it was a normal conversation that went downhill incredibly quickly and I’m like 3+ hours away so we can’t hash it out in person and I wasn’t willing to just go and call.

For your uh. Viewing displeasure. I’d send screenshots (and can, if you’d like additional context) but people who have a stake in this are very likely to see this and I don’t particularly want my name attached without anon.

I didn't say that transgender people are mistakes, and I didn't mean to suggest that. People can make the mistake into believing that they are who they are not

Yes, I don't believe a transwoman is a real woman. They are biological differences between both man and woman that can't be changed

Cue me going on a bit of a tangent about suicide rates, Trevor project, intersex people being a thing, what transitioning is like, etc etc. I was pissed, I was hurt, and I admit my first reaction was anger but I also think I did a very good job of keeping calm, explaining things, while also trying to impress upon him just how incredibly shitty saying those things is

Why are you so mad? I just wanted to open up to you. I didn't mean to sound rude or anything like that

Upon which I explained that I’ve lost friends to suicide and yet again how problematic some of his statements have been

I think we both need some time to think about this

I don't. I know exactly where I stand with this issue and who I care for and what it means to me personally. You're more than welcome to call so we can talk about it that way, if that's what you'd prefer or what would help you

It seems like things right now are a bit heated, I just want to talk about when things have calmed down

If that's what you need in order to decide whether you support trans people or not, go ahead. As I said, I know exactly what my opinion on this is, and it's on the side of the people whose beliefs don't disrespect certain people's existence

I respect and love everybody, but I'm not going to change my values or beliefs because they "disrespect" other people's values or beliefs

Which… yeah. That’s where it left off. Other shit was said, other shit went down, and I stand by everything and don’t regret it, even if this guy used to be my friend.

But as I said, I very much feel that this is coming from a place of ignorance and having been taught by religious, queerphobic parents, having very little experience to the queer world and having no understanding of our history, our pain, and the battles we’re still fighting. I believe he genuinely doesn’t see how his words are hurtful and how his actions genuinely cause issues and how his words are the things that drive trans people to suicide and hatred.

Which is what I’m reaching out for, what can I do, I don’t want to cut him off because I don’t want to abandon him to be a hateful person because I believe everyone, however horrible their beliefs, can learn and grow and change, and I want to know any sort of resources or help or advice you have, anything to try to fight that ignorance-based disrespect and make him realize that they’re not just words and that his behavior isn’t just his personal beliefs, that his beliefs are genuinely harming other people.

Thank you, and much love to you. We all need a bit more kindness and love and acceptance right now with this world we live in.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, and it's understandable that you feel deeply upset and betrayed. At this time, however, I don't think you have any obligation to "educate" him or do more than you have already done. If this is a friendship-ending issue, well... it sucks, but it is what it is. If you want to, you can communicate that he's welcome to reach out to you again if his feelings change. Otherwise, it's not your responsibility to continue or spend extra time trying to talk him around. It's something that people either accept or they don't, and while feelings can evolve, it's usually something that will happen with time and space and on their own accord. So yeah. It's up to you whether you want to signal that you're up for further communication or not, if you want to take some time to let feelings heal, or if you don't want to continue being friends with someone who feels that way. Either way, it's not your responsibility to endlessly try to talk him around. Make a decision about what you feel comfortable with, set that boundary, and do your best. It sucks, but such is life sometimes. Alas.

[prouvaireafterdark]

Misery, Strengthen Me

A short, dumb ficlet I couldn't get out of my head

Also on AO3!

***

When Lestat had asked Louis if he could read Claudia’s diaries, he’d half expected him to say no. After all, he had always been so protective of Claudia and the private thoughts she’d recorded in those pages were all that was left of her now. 

But almost a century later, Lestat still had questions about that night only she could answer and he wanted the closure he hoped it would bring him to understand, in Claudia’s own words, what exactly had driven her to such extremes all those years ago.

As Louis placed the stack of notebooks in his hands, Lestat had felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach—a terrible anticipation of the painful memories he was about to relive. 

What he had not anticipated, however, were the absolute lies Claudia had told about what he had kept in his wardrobe.

“A cardigan?” Lestat asked, not at all attempting to hide the disgust in his voice as he looked up from Claudia’s swirling script to where Louis sat on the other side of the couch. “A beige cardigan?”

Louis smiled. “You would focus on that part,” he said, not looking up from his own book as he turned a new page.

“I mean really, Louis,” Lestat complained. “As if I would ever be caught dead in a beige cardigan.”

“Just—keep reading,” Louis insisted with a wave of his hand.

With an indignant huff, Lestat tried to do as Louis asked, but he simply couldn’t get the image of himself dressed like that out of his head. It was as if his mind were clinging to it against his will. 

“Did she do this on purpose?” he asked a moment later, marking his spot with his finger as he looked up at Louis again. “Was she hoping one day I would find this and open it to read the most absurd description of myself imaginable just to spite me?”

“Lestat,” Louis said, and there were equal measures of annoyance and fondness contained in those two syllables. “Now you’re stalling.”

“Am not,” Lestat argued, though the denial sounded false even to his own ears and he made no move to continue reading. 

Because Louis was right, wasn’t he? He’d asked to read these diaries himself, but there were things he knew were contained within them that a part of him didn’t really want to know—like when exactly Claudia’s love for him had shifted to hatred, how joyously free she had felt once his body was sinking to the bottom of the Mississippi… and how much prior knowledge Louis had had of her plans to kill him.

Yes, he supposed petty indignation was an easier emotion to deal with than the heartbreak he was sure to experience when he reached the end of his chapter in Claudia’s book.

Slowly, Louis closed his own book and placed it on the end table before standing up. Lestat’s eyes followed him as he walked closer and took a seat beside him on the couch, so close they were almost touching.

“I’m here, Lestat,” Louis said, reaching for his hand where it rested on the cover of Claudia’s diary, his fingers tucking between Lestat’s thumb and index finger. “Whatever you find in these pages, we’ll deal with it together.”

A breath he didn’t need left Lestat’s chest in a rush of air, his throat thick with a sudden wave of emotion. 

I love you, Louis, he thought, sending the words directly into Louis’ mind, not trusting his voice with so important a task. 

Louis smiled at him, his eyes soft and warm, as Lestat heard his reply: I love you too. 

At last, Lestat opened the diary once more with a fortifying breath again began to read, the road before him a little less daunting with Louis by his side.

[coralcalypso]

Fish thoughts time

i had some of this typed up already on discord but never posted it on Tumblr. It’s rough but has a lot of my vibes down

I like to divide the character (or concept of the character) of )(IC between different eras

)(IC during the ancestor Era,

)(IC as a spacefarer

)(IC Post Vast Glub,

)(IC under Lord English (and differences between earth a and b)

So on Alternia/Ancestor era she was a lot more hands on about ruling on the home world, probably did a bit more overseeing of policy instead of leaving EVERYTHING to the clowns and nobility.

I imagine that Alternia was probably at a more stable point pre Rebellion than it is post Rebellion because it is not being ruled by a bunch of children, but similarly she is still probably focused on more overarching goals for the Empire

(for Sef I like having it so before she became Empress that Alternia was already a bit more involved in Astropolitics so there are aliens and other factors out there that influence her policy making decisions).

post summoner's rebellion, i imagine that she realized that if something like that happened on the homeworld again there would be nonzero risks that it could threaten the survival of the species. So we get to the Spacefarer era. and at that point space travel and helmsmen are more of a common thing so here starts the era of cosmic expansionism

while in space i actually think she had a relatively decent with the crew of her ship, probably sans the helmsman but i think over the hundreds of sweeps it is at least not violent at each turn. It’s still a fucked up situation, but i think that you can’t really spend hundreds of sweeps around the same group of people without having to learn to deal with each other.

ruling with violence and hatred all the time doesn't really work and i think she is smart enough to know when to apply a softer hand when it comes to her own personal matters, so she isnt going to stab the person who missed a shot during a space battle willynilly or anything.

And i think the longer she is in space, the more detached she feels from actually having to rule directly and more of the administrative side is deferred and she only has to sign off on things here and there. So you see the decline in management of the homeplanet over time (Aside from just being ruled by children, there aren't any fleet members in the same star system anymore)

So she is more of an distant ruler with a bunch of chancellors who manage the different parts of the empire, which has its own issues obviously but realistically 1 person cannot manage everything like that (See clowns running land administration)

She is still the direct absolute monarch but i think that there is still a point to be made about how she kinda ended up being mythologized and was more of a figurehead in the distance than a personally involved ruler during canon

post Vast Glub she is the only troll alive in the universe and spends hundreds of sweeps going through space alone.

I imagine that probably had a significant impact on her emotionally and mentally, especially since the first troll she sees in literal centuries she has to fight to the death then ends up getting swooped into lord english’s service

(I have a whole thing in mind regarding the Handmaid and her, their parallels, and the nature of their servitude towards LE and how both of them were able to fully detach from him through death. And the question of where do nonplayers go when they die and a lot of ideas. That's another concept inspired by my RGU feelings)

I think that by the time we meet her in canon, she's desperate, somewhat depressive, but still determined to get out of her fate

from dirk's dialogue she did try to create new trolls but anything close got killed by the mimicry of her lusus, she performed experiments on herself to become stronger (all psionics any %), she plotted against lord english but she was only able to be released from service in the same way the handmaid was

I think she is still terrible as a person and even if she was in a scenario where everything was manipulated to be that way (shout out to doc scratch), she still could have been better

With Sef and with how i interpret )(IC, i think she also is very duty oriented with how she ruled Alternia. Needs of the many over the few, hyper conscious about the empire’s united front and how any form of internal struggle could be taken advantage of by enemies, her personal feelings and preferences don’t matter if they would set the empire back in strength, etc

i think that she did care and cared a lot, but after everything she was a husk of who she once was after realizing her life has been manipulated to become a pawn for lord English and her attempts at rebellion costed humanity in the earth b timeline and she once again doomed an entire species with her actions.

i think that the parallels between her and the handmaid are really interesting and that both of them are figures who never got to know what they could be without someone manipulating their lives (Gl’bgoylb was a gift from Doc Scratch and the whole psychic bond thing, the Handmaid appearing in different points in time as the Demoness to sow chaos and dissent, Handmaid being taken in by Scratch and raised to be a tool, etc)

[farie-insignias]

Revised Chapter 18 of AE

Hi everyone! I hope you're doing well!!!! Yes, I'm still alive.

The following post will address the topic of SA - just to warn you, so if you have any triggers, please be mindful when reading.

After thinking about it for several, several months, I’ve decided to go back and rewrite part of Chapter 18: Photographic Evidence – namely, the section dealing with Caroline’s trauma. There are several reasons for this and I’ll list them below.

Firstly, I just didn’t like how I handled the subject matter. When I set out to write this story I had no intention of ever addressing the subject of sexual assault in any concrete way. I mean, it’s a stark and terrible reality of the world that many woman, unfortunately, have to deal with, and I knew I might brush against it as I painted a picture of Bonnie’s experiences in 1864, but I had no intention of diving any further into it than that. That simply wasn’t what this story was going to be about, and I know writing about a character that has gone through something like that should be done with thoughtfulness and respect.

So, why did I even bother trying in the first place?

I’ve responded to a few reviews asking me this very question, and the answer is pretty simple: timing. That’s what it boils down to. Just as I was gearing up to write the moment between Caroline and Bonnie, a video started making the rounds on Tumblr. It was of a woman talking about the media’s representation of assault culture and how it needed to change, and I believe she even used Caroline as an example of this – how all she does is shove Damon and call him a jerk in response to remembering that he assaulted her.

Some of you old hats might remember which video I’m talking about.

It was an interesting video, very well articulated points – and suddenly I felt very unsure about how I wanted to handle the Caroline/Bonnie scene I was about to write. Personally, even to this day, I don’t really think about a vampire’s compulsion in terms of how it would function in the real world – though that could make for an interesting exploration and for a very gritty and grounded series. Basically, I don’t think too deeply about the realistic consequences of a vampire using their naturally given powers – especially on a show like The Vampire Diaries. Maybe if this were The Walking Dead or Game of Thrones, I might have thought about it more, but…

As it was, I started to wonder: was I a part of the problem? Should I be addressing this? Would it be wrong of me to ignore it? Do I really believe Caroline views what happened to her in those terms?

If Caroline existed in the real world, I would say a thousand percent yes. But the Caroline in The Vampire Diaries? No, I honestly don’t think she does. I don’t think ANY of the characters do. For exactly the same reason as the young woman was addressing in the video: none of the writers saw it as sexual assault.

Which left me in a weird position – did I go along with the established portrayal of Caroline (which would be the easy thing to do) or did I bite the bullet and talk about what was on everyone’s mind at the time? Tbh, I wasn’t convinced I should touch it, because I deeply believe that sexual assault isn’t something that should be marginalized in a story and, if it’s going to be addressed it needs to be at the forefront.

But I also believe in signs from God… And a video popping up, just when you’re about to write a character’s perspective on another character, talking about the very same said character and how their justified hatred for other said character has been watered down… I mean, it seemed like a pretty clear sign to me.

In the end, we know what I chose. It simply felt like it would be wrong of me to try and sweep it under the rug. So, I took a swing at it… and I missed.

I got an extremely insightful review from someone named Miss 45 that really helped me realise how far off the mark I was with my attempt. I am eternally grateful to this person, because I now know what to avoid doing if I ever tackle this subject matter again in the future.

They also said, and I quote – “Tbh, when I think about bamon as a ship I usually pretend that it didn't happen bcs I can't imagine Bonnie ever doing that to Caroline […]”

And they are completely right! Especially looking back, I can see that now. The only reason I could write the scene and have it turn out fairly acceptable was because I was focused on Bonnie’s experiences/emotions and not Caroline’s – which was selfish of me as a writer. At the time, I had thought I had addressed the issue, but I really hadn’t. At least not in a way that represented Caroline’s trauma realistically.

So, I made a promise to myself and to Miss 45, that when I did address the issue again, as I was planning to at least once or twice more, I would do a better job.

Which brings us to where we are now, because the closer I get to talking about what happened to Caroline again and how it affects, not only her, but also Bonnie/Damon’s potential relationship… I realize there is no feasible way to do it and stay true to the characters/have a happy ending.

I’ve been wracking my brain about it for ages now. If I want to honestly do a good job, I realize I would have to dedicate far more of the story than I’m willing to on the subject of Caroline/Damon.

And not just because, if I’m being true to Bonnie, she wouldn’t be able to write off what Damon did to Caroline for her own happiness, no matter what Caroline said (which realistically Caroline wouldn’t want her doing either – who would want that?). But Damon wouldn’t be able to forgive himself either.

I honestly, with every fiber of my being, don’t believe Damon views what he did as sexual assault. Which is not to excuse him, but his understanding of the situation is definitely not objective. If he ever did come to understand the full extent of his actions I think that knowledge would destroy him. He’s a lot of things – proudly a monster who will cross many a line, but I can’t imagine he would ever cross that one. At least, not knowingly. So, if his perception of himself and his actions were to change so fundamentally, and in such a negative way… if he were to see himself fully for what he actually is and what he actually did... He already has issues with self-hatred…

Yeah, all the Damon scenarios in my head got pretty dark, pretty quickly.

I realized that if I wanted Bonnie and Damon to have any chance of being together, Damon would have to go on a very long journey towards recovery – which completely changed what the story was about and was something I wasn’t willing to do.

So, in order to tell the story I originally set out to tell, I made the decision to retcon Caroline and Bonnie’s forest conversation in Chapter 18 and make it into something that better serves the purposes of the story as a whole. *deep sigh* I’m not 1000% happy with this decision, but I do believe it’s the right decision to make. I think the story will, ultimately, be stronger for it.

I hope this doesn’t upset anyone. I understand if people think I’m being cowardly or even selfish for deciding not to pursue the topic anymore (and I would agree with you completely). I feel it would take a far more educated, sensitive and talented writer than myself to be able to do that particular storyline justice in the story I’m setting out to tell. But I’ve learned a lot from this experience that I plan to take with me into the future.

[klonoadreams]

Quick question but have you seen the picture of Arven down at Sada’s lab? Cuz when I first found it in game I legit just sobbed because I felt so bad for Arven.. also if it isn’t spoilery, could you give ur thoughts on the Professors?

Since I have now finished the main story and it's been an entire month (i'll still tag it as spoilers), I can go all out here.

I saw it - IN FACT, when I first went into the lab where you first met Arven, I was looking around, and noticed there was a photo frame that was empty there, I was like, "HELLO????"

And later on, when I went back to the lab in Area Zero to check out everything else, I noticed the picture of Arven and Maschiff there and I just about went, "OH NOOOOOO"

LIKE, THAT'S SO FUCKING SAD.

That's all Sada (since I had Scarlet) had to keep her motivated since she was focusing so much on her work, LIKE...the way she said she needed more time, that she couldn't focus on her work and also keep an eye on Arven. Not to mention, the Koraidon she had in her possession sometime before Arven's birth. AND THEN HER HUSBAND JUST LEFT HER. LIKE....bro, what the hell. (just reverse everything in Violet so you can apply it to Turo - and it's still the same situation)

Nothing really excuses Sada/Turo from neglecting Arven, but it certainly does explain the circumstances that led to this, especially when you have the system in place to prevent the time machine from being shut down. Like, of course the AI would see more logic instead of letting emotions control them as Sada/Turo have, given their circumstances and (possible) desperation.

I truly believe it was only until after they protected the passive Koraidon/Miraidon from the aggressive one and took a mortal wound from it to realize that they made such a serious mistake. But by then, it's already too late. Nothing can be done about it, because they're dying.

So the AI is left with the aftermath, since by this point, they have their own sentience that leaves them conflicted. Again, the AI sees things more logically, and Sada/Turo's first personal experience with Koraidon/Miraidon was with one that was docile and smaller (when you compare it to the more aggressive one).

My personal headcanon at this point that is starting to ring more and more truth is that the Koraidon/Miraidon first caught was a baby, which allowed it to effectively get domesticated without any issues. Like a feral kitten having an easier time getting socialized, versus a feral adult cat.

Honestly, I just think it's tragic, because Arven is left with the entire burden of dealing with all this, without any way of getting full closure, beyond finding out that yes, his parents did in fact love them. They were absolute idiots and their parenting was terrible, but that doesn't change the fact that they loved him.

And if they had the chance, they would've gone back to him, but they can't. They're dead. He's alive - this is what he'll have to deal with the rest of his life. Things happen, I'm sure Arven is just relieved to know that he wasn't hated despite it all. But obviously, he's going to need a lot of support and therapy (like the rest of us, GOD DAMN).

Anyways, Arven deserves better, I still want to fight Sada/Turo, but I don't outright hate them. I genuinely like the angle the story went with, because you don't HAVE to be evil to do shit like that. Sometimes, things happen, and it just sucks.

But at least Arven isn't alone, and we were able to help out his Mabosstiff. And honestly, I'm good with that in the grand scheme of things (in terms of the experience I had with Scarlet).

(keep in mind Black and White is still my favorite game, and N Harmonia is my first crush, so I already know what the other end of terrible parenting and hatred looks like, and that's Ghetsis)

(I am honestly glad that despite the similarities, Arven doesn't have the exact same backstory as N)

[wulvert]

THE QUESTIONS (sory they r all paperteeth. if u want tho u can relate them 2 triptrack 2,,,):

-is avery a "five-in-one mens body wash" user. she gives the vibes 4 some reason,,,mayb scarlet wil finaly convince her 2 use regular shampoo n conditioner

-do full moons have any impact on vampires like they do werewolves, like increased bloodthirst?

-possible spoiler territory!! avoid answering this one if u gotta!! were trisha nd her sister close with their mom before she left 4 america,,,was their mom like. just as bad as their father is?

-this one also might be spoiler territory so feel free 2 toss this one 2,,,why does avery live in an (shabby?? restrictive nd bleak??) apartment? in my fanfiction writing i related it back 2 like. avery having a concerning amount of. self hatred i guess? and refusing to have anything nice for herself bc she feels she doesnt deserve it. nd she just feels like she doesnt need anything more. but im curious if theres like,,,an actual canon reason behind it since we've seen that scarlet can like. afford a pretty nice house with the vampire hunter pay (assuming she gets paid either the same amount as avery or less)

-um. anyways a lighter question: do u have any heights 4 the paperteeth cast,,,if theres no concrete numbers a "who's taller than who' woudl still be pretty cool :]

-ND FINALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION,,,IF SCARLET AND AVERY COMPARED HAND SIZES (VITAL SAPPHIC EXPERIENCE) WHOSE HAND WOULD B SMALLER,,,🏳️‍🌈

HI

probably yeah. she does wash thoroughly, she smells nice but just also probably of 5 in one. scarlet probably smells rly strongly of like vanilla perfume or something.

i wouldnt say so! theyre different curses from different times so i dont think there'd be much overlap

towards fish yeah, to other ppl no. their dad is more terrible to other people than his own family- aside from trisha who its a little sus. (ig its like, no u shouldnt move out, live with ur parents the rest of ur life bc what if u eat everyone, we have a basement. ( he could finance suitable housing 4 trisha with pocket money if he wanted to, he's obscenely rich- which its not like he wants her to finance that on her own, trisha is financially completely reliant on her family bc they dont think she should have a job & she's been like this since her tweens so she's pretty conditioned into listening to them- but she could probably handle a job fine she's very good at keeping composure. she was pretty stressed at tht bbq but she didnt even mildly turn. sorry if i explained this badly- her parents have pretty much just raised her to be terrified of herself, she rarely goes outside on her own unless its for annual bbq prep))

so while fish despairs at being doomed to live in her childhood bedroom the rest of her life, the rest of his family think he's pretty normal and fine- ppl outside his family r the ppl who get got by him.

ig rly rly mild spoilers

avery probably could afford a nicer apartment (her apartment isnt that bad structurally, its just undecorated and ugly because she has no idea what she's doing and doesnt have a life outside of her job. like at all. whatsoever. & yeah averys a sopping wet creature she absolutely hates herself) but she doesn't see the point. she saves a lot, & when she buys stuff she buys stuff that'll last a long time so usually a little more expensive. she doesnt want to buy a house bc she doesnt want to deal with selling a house. imagine being able to afford a house. vampire hunters usually get paid rly well- they get paid per pair of fangs they turn in (vampires leave them behind when they die lol i forgot to mention that) so avery being pretty skilled gets paid pretty well- kelly being pretty shit doesnt get paid much (avery gives him some of the fangs she gets) scarlet used to be decent so she also got paid well but now she just. turns her own fangs in all the time and that's gathering a lot of money. for her projects. and she bought a funny little house with no upstairs but a downstairs that looks like an upstairs. so. ig scarlets the richest of the three rn bc of her little infinite money hack- avery could do it too but she doesnt rly wanna rip her teeth out all the time, and she hasnt quit killing vampires so whats the point.

so kinda- i figure averys 5'4 ish, and kellys an itty bit taller, then i figured scarlets maybe 5'8 but then. i put them in this height comparision thingy and. it says scarlets 6'2 which was NOT my intention, but when u look how much taller she is in the comic. like. damn maybe??? i wouldnt take that as 100% canon tho bc the way i draw proportions is obvs different to this chart

accident. oh well. trisha might be a bit smaller idk.

and i made one of these for triptrack last year, cant say how accurate it is tho but here

toad is probably 210 cm but slouches

anyway averys hands are probably smaller unless you count the knives at the ends of her fingers but you probably shouldnt