#all ppl w their own lives and ambitions and all ..

[nyaskitten]

chat . im four followers from 2-fucking-k ... thats almost 2 THOUSAND ppl who followed me...

[butcharyastark]

finally got to the max and mrs. guthrie scenes in my rewatch and oh.... wait... i think drowning the cat might mean smth different than max acquiescing finally to the violence of colonial rule and abuse...

[forgotteneabha]

The Arms of Calleary & Hanthom

Combined Arms of House Calleary of Hanthom

Azure (blue): truth and loyalty

Vert (green): hope, joy, loyalty in love

Argent (white/silver): peace and sincerity

Tawny/Tenné (orange/brown): worthy ambition

Ship: voyage, remarkable voyage, life, determining one's course in life

Wheel: fortune, torture/one prepared to undergo trials for their beliefs, steering, continuity/cycles, vicissitude

The Ancient Arms of Hanthom

Seahorse: martime success, good luck, fortune, fortitude, strength, power, courage; as "the dragon's bastard:" valour and protection, courage

Note: the division here indicates a maternal and paternal branch coming together, likely with the wheel (at dexter) being the paternal charge, and the seahorse (at sinister), being the maternal one, the grasping of the wheel can be seen in a number of different ways but generally it would be more or less read as willingly taking on or claiming a worthy and desired goal or duty and bringing that into your own protection/worldview/aim, etc. w the sinister overcoming the dexter, it may either indicate absolute partnership or even the bearer (child's) posthumous birth to the father or the mother carrying on boldly after the loss of her husband. so! lots that can be happening here!

The Ancient Arms of Calleary

Mullet/Star: celestial goodness, nobility, divine quality from above, mark of third son

Pearl: purity, honor, and virtue, that which is priceless beyond measure, that which the worthy choose to give their lives to seek

Moon: serene power over mundane actions, serenity

Shell/Escallop: protection of providence, successful leader, one who hasjourneyed far, traveler to far places, victorious naval commander

Fess: mark of naval service

NOTES:

so, since the malconaires, lorcans, and ormonds all have names that coincide w the name of their territory, i thought it could be interesting to build an in-world explanation for why it might be that the callearies do not preside over a place called calleary but, rather, one called hanthom, and, given that they also have claim to an as-yet unnamed seat in the north which is much smaller and in a state of disrepair to the point that it must be rebuilt before daring habitation (it also seems that the cold might be a factor here tbf), my thought was that perhaps there're a few things at work here! so i did some mock ups for us, and im eager to hear your thoughts! ;D

the callearies are maybe a newer house! we have established that the staffords and the malconaires and the lorcans are amongst the oldest houses in astaira, and perhaps the callearies aren't quite as ancient, but have roots in an older house that has, otherwise, gone extinct, namely: hanthom

alternately, or perhaps in a way that coincidences, there's the matter of the northern seat...maybe this is just an uninhabited place that roderick carved out of astaira...or maybe this is the og seat of the callearies from when they ~first became lords and was abandoned after they came into possession of the far more hospitable hanthom

so here's kind of what i was thinking: perhaps the last daughter of house hanthom wed a calleary and, thus, their child -- now a calleary of hanthom -- inherited both seats but, since calleary was both teeny and inhospitable, when the last lady hanthom died, the new lord/lady calleary brought everyone from calleary to hanthom and set up shop w their combined ppl living together

now, how do you do this? how do you make this work? never fear, ive got some notions abt all of this too! and it also (at least tries to) makes sense of why the last lady hanthom might choose a tiny random struggling house from the north w which to ally herself, knowing they'd be the future rulers of hanthom! and basically the answer is that house calleary had 1) v, v few ppl looking to them and 2) maritime knowledge of their own...it also brings in an atlantis/numennor/tomb of cleopatra/old valyria/pompei sorta myth bc i have zero self-control always dsklafjkdsjf are you ready?

ok, for i leap into this, side bar to tuck away/keep in mind: irl ancient celtic mythology, manannán is the irish god of the sea...and, originally, of the afterlife as well. why is that? bc the earliest celts believed that the afterlife was an island to which you could sail (this is why king arthur was taken to avalon on a boat -- the meaning was lost over time but it comes from this and there're some really interesting ancient myths abt sailors accidentally shipwrecking on the island of the dead and all kinda of wild things ensuing largely bc the ancient celts believed in reincarnation so it was a place your soul went and could return etc but then you go there w a living body and chaos ensues you get it laksjdfkljdsajf) so! i thought riffing off of this could be fun since we know astaira is lowkey fantasy ireland etc ;D and it actually sorta solved the puzzle in my mind of the connection to the north and the differing name so!! bear this in mind and now get ready #forrealizies

incoming thought: this story might be that of either the callearies or the hanthoms, actually...originally i was thinking the callearies but it might ~actually make more sense if its the hanthoms???? idk but either way imma refer to it as the callearies (bc either way their descendants are in fact our modern day callearies, if we go w this!) below ;D

im thinking that maaaaaybe...originally...they weren't astairan at all!! originally, the callearies from an archipelago somewhere off to sea, its location now lost

the callearies could have been kings, but im actually thinking that maybe they were just random sailors, maybe lords, but they were lucky bc while they were off at sea, their homeland was destroyed whether via volcanic eruption or tsunami/tidal waves or earthquakes or -- v possibly w a volcanic eruption -- all of the above!!!

many of the sailors and merchants and ships that were asail were crushed and drowned in the horrific storms and upheaval that came w the destruction of their homeland, but in the aftermath those that survived banded together into a ragtag fleet, set adrift in the terrific storms and desperately sailing towards land as their supplies dwindled

the survivors ended up banding together beneath the banner of the callearies, either bc they were surviving lords or simply bc they were simply charismatic/kept their heads on their shoulders/had the biggest ships/had a surviving captain/whatever!!!

when the fleet finally made land, the survivors spilled forth onto a spit of land and made a settlement there, grateful to have survived

this land was, of course, in astaira

they did their best to rebuild their culture, eventually coming into contact w other astairans, and -- being sea people -- quickly set about becoming trading and naval powers in the region

their lost homeland now survives as a mytho-historic atlantis/avalon-type myth in the collective minds of the astairans and many have sailed off into the horizon in search of the place, never to be seen again

now how does this tie into the hanthom-calleary thing???? trade!!! seafaring!!! im imagining the two co-existed for some time w one ruling the northern seas and the other the southern and yeah! while one ploughs the wintry northern seas, the other commands the summery southern seas. if you're house hanthom and you know ur abt to die out but you want someone to keep ur ppl alive and ur sea culture going etc, ur gonna want the other parent to ur heir/aka the future lords of ur spot, to be someone who knows the waters, gets ships, understands the needs of ppl who live off the sea, understand trade, etc etc etc, PLUS uniting their fleets and trade routes does exponentially compound the wealth, power, and influence of the combined house so ur heirs and ur ppl will be well off on a lot of counts!!!!

now, im thinking that, since the northern callearies only had a small number of ppl in an inhopsitable place, they probs brought all their ppl w them (at least who wished to go) and bing bam boom fast forward a couple centuries and you've got our kiddos!

anyway alksdjfkljdsf this is a lot and all of it frankly insane and yeah idk if we want any of this????????? but here we are -- lmk what you think!!!

[serialeclipse]

muse no2 here we go! raising the curtains on miss lee rumi, who's just your run of the mill regular girl! also the most coach user of all time who just can't break the 85% compatibility rate </3 still no pages rip but regular drill, info / plots are under the cut & pls like to plot or ask for my d/scord! 💗

info

rumi is rlly the most regular person ever!! one of those terra users who's just chilling & living life yk she's got small dreams of getting her dream megabuilding skin & respectably medium dreams of finding her person, no big dreams

she also comes from smaller beginnings, born into the care of terrascape corporation & just naturally graduated at age eighteen. officially, her parents are unlinked & she's never really tried to find them. says she's just respecting their decision or whatever that way, but mostly she's afraid she might find them & realise they didn't want her for a reason. no thanks!

she thinks she's doing pretty well for herself though! minus the loneliness that occasionally takes over & the void of whatever that she gets late at night idk but doesn't everyone feel that way at 2 in the morning?

right now she's ur local barista who's lowkey like an npc bc she works at multiple coffee shops! hustling to survive & maybe have extra money for her dream megabuilding skin it is what it is we live in an economy

uses coach a lot. she's that friend who's been online dating for nearly a decade </3 kinda embarrassing but she's putting herself out there in tiny steps yk

( and? she isn't saying that weird things are happening to her. not at all!! she's regular!! but there's something about how she gets deja vu once in a while about a match she made on coach even though she knows for sure that she never met them

weird. maybe it's fate? it's not like terra has glitches! )

chart facts: libra sun cancer moon taurus rising, chill & goes w the flow most of the time. not the type of person to fight back but she might have some emotional walls up to protect herself! doesn't have a lot of ambition, she's happy with her slice of terra life as it is right now. likes being around people but is careful about who she lets in, clingy with the ones who stay. bad at keeping in touch. good at making coffee.

she's a work in progress & also pls pretend i didn't give my muses really similar names pls

plots

fellow coach users: a) 84%, the highest match she's ever had but it didn't work out even though she really tried; b) the 60%ers that she's matched on because what if coach was a little wrong but not totally wrong!; c) a 50% match she swiped on as a fluke (?); d) failed dates that she got a friend out of... or a blocked number rip

u think she's an npc after seeing her at multiple coffee shops & get a jumpscare seeing her out n about with thoughts of her own

found family, other people who grew up under the terrascape care or smth else? thee most important person in her life

other regular guys & gals just living their npc life

she's on the lookout for a megabuilding roomie to split rent but u disagree on what display skin ur flat should have

ur trying to get her to try real dating ( meeting ppl at the bar ) but it flopped

she's too cheap to buy the official cosmetic mod so she's begging u ( coder? reskin guy? ) to help out

regulars on the menu: besties, childhood friends, enemies, fwbs, exes! i also love a brainstorm too we should do that 💗

[gin-stan]

I keep thinking moon knight animatic thoughts, so here are some ideas on how I'd animate characters to these songs:

[From here, foward quotes are me explaining how the lyrics relate the character and their stories.]

1. Humans touch by TWRPtube:

It's Layla and Marc singing (and dancing) w/ to each other, but their muppets and a disco ball pops out at some point. Their puppet costumes switch from normal clothes to their avatar suits on beat. The costume change happens via a spin transition either physically (the puppets) or camera. Or a whip to the side.

"we were such a good team/still going strong"

Layla singing to marc how she'd doesn't understand what happened Marc is trying but can't really explain to Layla why he backed away .

"I never did you wrong until the ne× me came along"

[MK and possibly Steven coming into play].

"Now I'm alone on the boulevard of broken streams."

"I'm just a toy to you, my love"

And it continues, Layla feeling a bit betrayed and confused. Maybe due to the suit and other trauma in his life, Marc doesn't feel "human" anymore since his autonomy is practically gone due to his servitude to Konshu and being a superhero/having to protect ppl.

"I need a humans touch, but you don't need me"

He needs Layla but he believes she doesn't need him cause she'll only get hurt bc of him (due to konshus jobs and promise to take Layla instead if he doesn't fall in line).

You could analyze lyric to apply it to their relationship.... I'm not gonna do that. But you get the idea Σ(Ｔ▽Ｔ;)

2. Friends in low places by Worthikids.

It's in a paper mache animation style with bolts (flat pins) on the characters joints.

The first part (guitar riff Part before the lyrics come in) is a title card introduction to marc and bushman. It details Marc's last moments due to bushmans betrayal, "on that hallowed night when I lost my life.." him meeting konshu and becoming MK.

"I was chosen for a second chance at life"

Konshu granted Marc MK power in the pyramid.

Konshu is doing the laughing in the background cause he just got a bog3 deal.

"I am the watcher I watch for all of time"

Shows him looking over the city Konshu will be pulling the strings and moving MK around like a puppet.

"I got friends in low places, just another one in a long line of no ones"

Shows previous mooknights in a line up behind or besides Marc/MK like in ATLA.

We get a visual of marc walking/staggering the background changes between locations and nights and day cycles by spinning the background like a wheel. Marc switches between, MK himself, Steven and Jake all walking through the streets of whatever city theyre currently located in.

You get the idea the ending shot is MK looking over the city and konshu looming behind him as "friends in low places fades out "

3. So we fall by Stupendium. So I know this is the odd own out but hear me out:

The fall guys singing abt being exploited by higher ups are replace by past avatars of all the Egyptian gods. Singing to MK abt how unfair their life as a avatar was and how some came to perish.

They didnt know what they were really getting into. Or the things they had to do. Ect ect. The ones pulling the strings using them for their own entertainment as they risk their lives to fulfill their duties.

Warning Marc on trusting his own boss to much and

This is done in a puppet style also or paper mache.

It's a bit silly but who cares.

There's more to each but it's too much to all type out. My ambitions are too high so I'll never get around to actually doing it. But I wanted to get my thoughts out there at least lol.

[dinoclawsz]

B4 I continue posting art of them I think I need to explain my whole thought process……so here’s some (not all) reasons why I think Pagan and Antón should and would kiss sloppy style 😊

-They share a lot of similarities! Most obvious being their jobs as ermm terrible dictators but more importantly their shared ‘guerilla forces ripping apart the country’ situations 🐡I think they would meet first in a purely diplomatic fashion ofc, to trade weapons and/or money in order to deal with their own respective resistances. This would also mean they have tons of preexisting respect and even understanding for each other, and also bonding over a mutual burning hatred of anarchists is a funny way to get close to somebody lawl. Also I know it would b out of character for Pagan to quit his hermetic lifestyle out of the blue to go visit some guy in the Caribbean but idrc I’m just trying to have fun :)

-Another similarity they have is their relationship to fatherhood and problems regarding it. While Antón never really wanted to be a father or have Diego and wouldn’t have if not for his cancer, Pagan DID want to be a father, but lost the only real chance he’d ever have at it, so I think upon meeting Diego he’d exploit it as a chance to be the father he never got the opportunity to be. I think they’d look to each other for advice; Pagan on how to be a good mentor for Ajay, and Antón on how to be a better and kinder person to Diego. Also I find the concept of Pagan being an estranged mom-type figure to Diego (without him fully understanding the extent of his relationship to his papá) very fun

-They have contrasting personalities :3 Pagan has a very charismatic, energetic, fun and self-absorbed personality while Antón is more cool, collected and down-to-earth and I think they’d get along nice and compliment each other well……opposites attract and what not and I think they would have an interesting dynamic

-I also think their age difference would play a part in them liking each other; Pagan trying to keep him up-to-date w current shit, explaining to him what Twitter is, showing him memes or whatever, while Antón would get to live vicariously through Pagan

-Theyd b into each other technically speaking….Antón has a lot of class and poise and we know that’s important to Pagan..also his type quite obviously includes men (and besides who wouldn’t be into giancarlo esposito), but regarding Antón, a lot of the properties found in the only person we know hes canonically been involved with romantically (Maria Marquessa) are also found in Pagan; charisma/big personality, work in publicity and media, their slightly manipulative tendencies, even down to their similar appearance. Ik this is like likening a filet mignon (Pagan) to Spam (Maria) but it’s for my point okay

-Speaking of Maria, one of the primary reasons her and Antón fell apart (according to the fc6 audiobook (listen to it pls and ty)) was differences regarding his ambitions and drive to become President. With Pagan these misunderstandings would be nonexistent as, once again, they have similair life experiences and an understanding of what it takes to do what they do

-I think they wld take good care of each other 👍Antón def needs someone to look after him as his cancer is slowly killing him which I think Pagan would do gladly. Besides the whole murdering people thing he’s a v caring person towards the ppl he loves. Pagan also needs someone to bring him out of his shell and show him he can love again which I think Antón could do. Once again in the fc6 audiobook Diego mentions that Antón gets uncharacteristically warm around the people he loves so imo it’s not too far fetched

-Final definitive reason: I like old evil man yaoi 👍and they should kill ppl together thats hot..thanks for reading like and subscribe 4 more

[imanes]

Hello! You mentioned reading Piranesi a few months ago and I finally got around to reading it and I love it so much - thank you for the lovely recommendation <3 If you don't mind can you talk a little about what you loved about the book (I love hearing your thoughts)? Also have you read Jorge Luis Borges' Ficciones (I believe it inspired Piranesi)?

HELLO my friend!! first of all tysm for taking the recommendation, I'm so happy it worked for you! honestly what do I NOT love about this book? it's hard to wrap my thoughts about piranesi because it was such a lovely reading experience which i honestly need to repeat ASAP because the layers to explore in piranesi are so numerous. secondly let me admit that i haven't read any borges yet BUT he's definitely on my radar and I've been looking for his books on my used bookstore runs since i read piranesi, not to much avail unfortunately but i added ficciones to my tbr for reminder!!

anyways I'm gonna stop right here for anyone who has not read piranesi yet because i think you'd benefit from going into it not knowing much except that it's told in vignettes and that it has elements of mystery which become more and more central to the plot as we advance and unravel the world that piranesi lives in. so don't keep reading past this if u haven't read piranesi yet! i did keep it spoiler-free though so no pressure. also putting everything under a read more bc i truly was obnoxiously verbose adlkjglsjk if it didn't work my apologies 4 it

NOW let's talk about what i loved about the book which honestly will probably just be a flimsy overview bc again i think a re-read would make what i love about it more salient and richer but i guess we can already have a start here!

first of all, the character of piranesi. when i first started the book and immersed myself in his inner voice, i was kind of thinking ok there must be a reason as to why he is so incredibly wholesome but also with an extremely sharp mind and immaculate observation skills. the childlike wonder of his perspective was an absolute joy to read from but also provided some tension because i think pretty early on you catch that he might be a bit of an unreliable character and that what he tells you may not match the reality of what his experiences and observations mean to the reader. you're very much the prisoner of his limited perception, his sometimes bizarre but always delightful thought process, and also again the childlike wonder with which he observes the world and which makes everything carry so much more weight w/o resorting to pompous/pretentious gravitas. a statue isn't just a statue to him, it is the Statue, something important in and of itself, with its own story/mythos and it harkens back to a child's point of view which hasn't yet been shaped by the world and therefore isn't as limited as our jaded adults' minds, even though he is an adult himself, which is apparent in his very keen mind.

then we have the form, with the novel being told in vignettes. i personally really like novels such as these because they feel a lot more personal but also propels the story forward. I'm not a fan of huge chapters tbh because my attention span is trash lmao. it was so easy to immerse myself in his world because the writing was so vivid and honestly made me reevaluate a lot about myself adjdjslg. I'm not much of a quote person but "the Beauty of the House is immeasurable; its Kindness infinite" lives rent-free in my mind because 1. it appears at two key points in the novel and both iterations echo the other brilliantly in their respective context and thus add even more meaning to the quote and 2. i think it's a beautiful metaphor for the world we live in, which leads me to the next point

what i mostly clung to during my reading experience was the theme of confinement to a specific physical space, which can feel suffocating and limited. susanna clarke suffers from a chronic illness that has kept her within the confines of her home for many years and this book very much reflects that. from my personal experience with that theme, i was less reminded of how thematically relevant it was in the middle of a pandemic, and more about how much goodness there is still in this world at a time where everything seems so bleak, and unkind. i myself suffer from an ugly case of chronic cynicism which i think is very unappealing lmao but at least I'm self-aware! being reminded that we live in a world where kindness is indeed infinite in the smallest and biggest of ways is the balm that my shriveled soul truly needed. i guess it's my emotional support quote lmao.

then we have the setting of the book which, while limited spatially, is also so full of wonderful things and imaginative configurations that i was just in awe of everything that was being done with it. the plot is closely tied to the setting and i really want to keep this spoiler-free (just in case) so I'm not going to delve too deeply into it but i'd love to visit this place and have piranesi guide me through the labyrinth of the House and the many wonders (and tragedies) that it holds.

finally we have the MYSTERY and omg i love picking up the clues and kind of forming my own theories along the way bc it truly isn't an in-your-face mystery like a thriller would be. we buddy-read this with some ppl from the book club so the experience of sharing our theories made it all the more pleasant. i really loved how clarke presented the many mysteries of the story in such a subtle yet gripping manner that soon i was just obsessed with knowing who was whom and what they wanted from piranesi and who piranesi was and how this all came to be. all the different players felt fully fleshed out and made me feel veeeery strongly (i.e. i wanted to kill some of them like literally daydreaming about choking them to death... not to sound unhinged or anything). they provided such good foils to piranesi's inherent goodness and all that they lacked in terms of decency. their shamelessness and infinite greed and how they see piranesi as a pawn to use set my teeth on edge so i was just biding my time for the karmic retribution that they'd get akjdlkgj also great exploration of how ambition can be the downfall of mankind

then we have all the clever-people-themes of neoclassicism and philosophy and plato's cave and whatnot and it's not what held my attention so i can't speak much on it bc I'm not one of those clever people who picked upon these themes LMAO but I'll for sure spend more time unpacking these layers on my re-read of this book because there are so many smart ideas hidden in the nooks and crannies of this story that i think you could get something different from each read, kind of like i feel about pride & prejudice by jane austen which offers me new delights to enjoy upon each re-read.

honestly i have so much more to say about how religion is handled, the rituals surrounding grief and their importance in the celebration and respect of of life, birds being amazing creatures, identity and how it can create contradictions etc etc but at this point i might as well just write a college essay on literally every theme explored in this book because it was just SO GOOD! thank u piranesi for me life

tl;dr this book made me feel like my brain was buried in a thick coat of dust and let some much-needed air in

[we8comic]

i think a george rp w quackity is something that has been (not outright) set up to happen since swag 2020. there has been ample and rich development of how they (the charas) fit together that sliding in real george rp w quackity and his gambling arc would come from a more natural place as theres many things that have happened with them that he can draw from. there is a history there that would make a focus on them satisfying. whether or not they work together.

a george rp w karl would be as forced, heavy handed, and untethered to anything actually happening as tftsmp. there isnt as much history to dig into and id argue that in a blind reaction to georges rp being w karl where i have made no prev opinion about it, id still say "really? okay i guess" whereas w quackity id be more like "this makes sense". karl's character couldnt decide what side to be on and would flip w no notice if the other option presented is more lucrative/gives him more power. THIS makes for an interesting character! this is a very human character. one who is contradictory and is clearly only in it for power or respect

id go as far as to say that c!karl being made into a timetraveller ostracized him more from the main story than his opportunistic morals. karl (the cc) is very much a mr beast guy and i mean that in a derogatory way. this is the guy who hypes up every stream like its the next big thing only to deliver the exact same structure. he markets himself and clearly likes to hold the reigns/be in charge. tftsmp lets him do that but without coming across as pushy like he did when he first joined and tried to do the same things in the main story (all those times hed insert himself into a major narrative so he could "be in an animation" stallinh or derailing an already devloped story) but c!karl is a handfed brick to the face

it's a boring story w character tropes that are already being used by other characters in a far more nuanced and developed way (keeping a journal, bad memory, ruling a country, something evil w a smiley face is behind things, etc) karl is doing nothing new and infact hes doing it worse

tftsmp is cool! a look into different times on the smp and how it could have impacted/been impacted by the main story. plus the new characters bring different dynamics to the table. its a great place for exposure nd a fun medium by which to encourage interaction between ppl who may not have interacted much. or it could've been :] if he didnt usually gravitate to the same 5 or so people lol

for the most part i dont like the way he handles his own story. i dont like that it's all typed out on stream it feels near offensive to be handfed a story thats already so simple. karl tells his stories and other people show them. there is nothing all that impactful about words written in a journal. he could fix this by letting his character exist in their space; what i mean by this is c!karl is often more the person behind the scenes than a part of them. the main story doesnt reach him, theres an omniscience or more like a separation to how he interacts w his environment/other characters. i think w a timetraveller story trying to be portrayed in minecraft rp, it's hard to develop from the timetravellers perspective without making the timetraveller be the avatar through which the story is told rather than carried (plus other charas are allowed less freedom). i think karl's whole timetraveller thing coulda been better showcased if the other characters held the reigns and allowed c!karl the freedom to express more real emotion rather than be a detached director

that being said, i dont want it. of all the things going on on the smp, i feep like karl's timetraveller thing is the most unnatural development. it doesnt fit without making him some center of attention which doesnt work cus he isnt involved with the main cast of the story and involving him wouldnt make sense cus his character has had no ties to them.

tl;dr: tftsmp is cool and should've stayed its own completely separate thing w the initial plan behind it as individual streams where if you miss one its no big deal cus the story lives and dies in one stream. timetraveller c!karl is stupid as fuck. og c!karl w the loose morals and ambitions of power/higher social standing is far more interesting and fitting than whatever is going on w c!karl now. c!george rping w quackity is the best possible outcome

[tartagliaxx]

i'm sick as hell, it's 7 in the morning, i haven't slept and i just finished up most of my overdue assignments bc why not lmao

i'm sort of thinking abt my future? bc i know what i'm going to do ig, it's just almost frustratingly annoying to do it? i don't even like what i'm gonna do, i'm just doing it bc it gives me money, and in my head, money = financial stability = happiness

once i graduate from high school, i'm still not gonna be of legal age but i'm gonna have to go to uni and room with another person of whom i've never met before which is definitely gonna be fun for someone like me who has severe anxiety :)))

i also have more exams than most ppl based off of my major, and the fail rate is also more then those who pass, so if i fail one of my exams, it'll cost a lot of money to retake it. hence why i already do earn money of my own and saving it. just in case smth bad happens, at least i'll have some money

high school sucks, but i have a feeling uni is gonna suck more :D i still don't understand why exactly those school fees are so astronomically high

— r. anon

you should take the rest of the day off to rest man. but on the bright side ig you now have more room to breathe? i would pull the same stuff back then and finish everything in a day. not my best idea but what’s done is done.

i’ve been having the same dilemma since like fourth grade. if it was just about passion, i would’ve loved to take multimedia arts but we need to survive somehow so i compromised and chose a degree that i could live by even if it’s pretty horrible. maybe you could do your true ambition as a side job? call me optimistic but that’s what i would want to do after college.

i hope your future roomie is someone you vibe with. it’ll be really cool to live with someone you can just do all fun shennanigans with. i think it’s too early to worry about that though so just go with the flow? there’s plenty of time to get to know each other and stuff and whatever happens, happens. in the end you’re gonna be stuck w each other so im sure you’ll find a grey area even if you didn’t exactly click.

stuff like that is rlly tough but you have a backup plan so just work hard and do your best so you don’t need to go to plan b. but if all turns to shit, it’s ok. just pick yourself up and calmly go to plan b. it’s there for a reason.

uni is gonna be harder but it’s also so much better than hs (at least in my experience). you get to meet a lot of cool people, know more interesting stuff and just have more freedom to do whatever you want. with that said, i also really dont understand why fees are so high. sometimes i feel scammed lmao

yknow i was actually talking to my friend and i told her that the moment i get albedo, i’ll stop pulling unless like scara or dain comes out as playable. idk i just think my team is alr pretty solid and i have no use for anyone else. knowing me and my weak heart tho, i’ll probably give in and pull at the sight of one new cute character.

well umm here’s to hoping the 10% pulls some hot girl shit and wins you zhongli the man, the legend. but jean’s also pretty good esp w xiao? she heals and can act as battery for him. i was hoping to pull her in case i lose 50/50 in venti and childe banners but rng did me dirty and gave me cons instead.

[holographings]

ALL THE HEART EMOJIS

AAH oh boy this got long so i’m putting it under a readmore here we go

💖 Has your OC ever been in love, be it romantic or platonic or otherwise? Who with and did they ever express their feelings or keep it private? How long did these feelings persist / do they still feel this way?

alek has definitely fallen in love with a few people along the way, but he’s never really allowed himself to hope for anything to actually happen, same with morgan altho she’s more like... picky lol. frankie has only ever truly had feelings for alek and even then half the time he’s not sure if it’s because he legitimately is in love w/ alek or if he loves the way he feels about himself when he’s around him (but isn’t that half of what love is). brat. hm. not really. he’s had those fleeting moments of Oh pretty person but he’s never really gotten attached.

💛 In general, how in control of their emotions is your OC? Do they have a good hold on them or do their emotions control them, not the other way around? What do you think is the reason behind this and is your OC ever concerned about their lack of or good control?

all of these ppl are heart first head second, but i think brat is the loosest cannon when it comes to acting on surface emotions (and that’s partly why francis dislikes him, he sees too much of what he could be like if he wasn’t so hard on himself). morgan is definitely more u h methodical in her approach to how she weaponizes her emotions, bc ultimately that is what she’s doing half of the time. alek hasn’t felt an emotion in a good long while but generally he seems very open with his feelings while also being careful not to let too much genuine stuff slip. and francis is just [i’ll keep all of my feelings right here, and then one day i’ll Die], but like, he fails at it a lot lol

💚 Talk about some of the traumatic events in your OC’s life. These events can be ones that have happened to them or a loved one. These events can be minor or major.

boy oh boy well the obvious ones are francis losing his parents, alek’s whole experience growing up trans was like,, a passive trauma but now that he’s away from his household it’s slightly more ok. he has some people that see him how he truly is, same for brat with being a second generation immigrant and, along with morgan, being singled out and an easy target growing up. as for morgan just the experience of being a girl trying to navigate the world and always having to make herself smaller for the comfort of others (hence her power, shrinking/englarging anything with a molecular basis in reality). and like. ya. there’s more stuff but ~all in good time

💙 What did your OC want to be when they grew up and why? Did they have any lifelong dreams or ambitions they never got to work on or are they currently working to achieve this dream? Has their life taken a very unexpected turn and put all these plans on hold for a while or have they given up on any dreams?

well i can say that none of them ended up exactly where they want to be lmao. again all of these people had no intention of living past the age of 18 so, they’re just kinda working with what they have. brat did want to be a chef at one point, and francis wanted to work in the music field but none of that panned out for varying reasons

  💜 Music or Silence? Swords or Spells? Cities or Nature?

music (brat, francis,alek)/silence (morgan), swords (morgan, alek)/spells (brat, francis), cities (all of them)

💗 What would your OC say is their best feature? Why? What do their friends / family / lover(s) / people they know think is their best feature and why?

morgan would probably consider her resourcefulness and ability to make the most of a shit situation her strong point, and other people probably envy her individuality. brat’s devil may care attitude is something everyone else in the club wishes they could have but if u ask him it’s his killer ring collection. francis values his resilience (it’s not resilience, it’s refusing to come to terms with his own needs lol) and i think outsiders would just say his overall physical appearance is enviable though he puts little attention into it. as for alek other people would definitely say His resilience is commendable but he could never see it, he would probably say some dumb shit like how long he can hold onto the same chapstick without losing it

[goodlesson]

got tagged by the ever wonderful @fortiesbucky to answer 73 (!!!!) questions. since i’m a lil wine drunk and waiting for my pokemon game to download i figured why not, let’s do it!!! here goes nothing. my answers are under the cut!

this is a ridiculous undertaking but i’ll tag some ppl i guess. if you have some time to kill....go for it! @dansmlth @mabelmcbae @mirandabeach @the-best-of-what-we-had-youknow @stormerforweekes @unseenpolarstars

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? like a 4?? we’re in the middle of a global pandemic (Yikes) but my big job interview is finally over with and it went really well so i guess that’s kind of exciting!

describe yourself in a hashtag? #DoItForDua

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? i’m ace let’s bake a cake together instead (looking @ u dan bastille)

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? this is not a musical despite the copious amounts of terrible singing

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i WILL cry when ur least expecting it 

what’s your wake up ritual? make coffee/breakfast, mess around on tumblr for a bit and catch up on messages from friends, then log on to start work at nine

what’s your go to bed ritual? i’ve been playing animal crossing for like an hour before bed every night. that’s about it

what’s your favorite time of day? morning after i’ve had my coffee and i have my one hour of motivation to do things sxkljsdf

your go to for having a good laugh? vines that cured my depression compilations on youtube

dream country to visit? oh this is a hard one!! would love to go to the UK someday

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? my 13th bday party when my mom got all of my friends together to surprise me 🥺

heels or flats/sneakers? converse baby

vintage or new? new. i’m not trendy or skinny enough to pull off vintage anything

who do you want to write your obituary? anyone except my mother

style icon? when dua lipa went through that phase of wearing sweatpants and bras onstage....yeah i vibe w/ that

what are three things you cannot live without? music, my hydroflask, and my electric blanket

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? GARLIC

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? listen...i really just wanna hang out with dan smith. also niall from 1d. and hm....maybe....ok this is a weird answer but marina keegan. she died at 22 after graduating from yale and her book literally changed my life

what’s your biggest fear in life? love & intimacy oop

window or aisle seat? window

what’s your current tv obsession? too hot to handle is the funniest thing i’ve ever seen

favorite app? rn i’m using discord a lot. also instagram

secret talent? i know every word to every cover the glee cast ever did

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? studying abroad in ecuador!

how would you define yourself in three words? positive, introverted, and....and.....maybe simple? (in the sense that i’m ok with just living a life without fancy things or huge ambitions)

favorite piece of clothing you own? my fuzzy north face fleece jacket!

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? buy yourself a good rain jacket pls just do it

a superpower you would want? being an empath would be cool

what’s inspiring you in life right now? my friends!!! i have so many ppl to talk to rn and staying connected with them is really keeping me going

best piece of advice you’ve received? everything works out in the end, don’t stress about what you can’t control

best advice you’d give your teenage self? just tell ppl you aren’t straight it really isn’t a big deal

a book everyone should read? out east by john glynn

what would you like to be remembered for? loving my friends and writing some stuff that maybe impacted a few ppl

how do you define beauty? kindness! openness!

what do you love most about your body? my smile i guess?

best way to take a rest/decompress? listening to music, wasting time on the internet

favorite place to view art? ....online?

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Avoiding Intimacy 

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? guitar

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i’ve been thinking about this lately. probably on the inside of my arm somewhere?

dolphins or koalas? DOLPHINS (are fish! no they aren’t. yeah they are. just cuz they live in water doesn’t mean they’re fish!)

what’s your spirit animal? penguin

best gift you’ve ever received? my boss surprising me with those brownies yesterday was pretty cool

best gift you’ve given? i made my best friend in college this little jar full of our inside jokes written on little slips of paper. i thought it was pretty cute

what’s your favorite board game? rummikub, life, cards against humanity

what’s your favorite color? yellow

least favorite color? brown

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore

blow-dry or air-dry? blowdry (with a diffuser of course)

pilates or yoga? neither wtf do i look like a flexible person to u

coffee or tea? coffee

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? my roommates and i were playing that avocado smash game a few nights ago and now the word ‘avocado’ will never sound correct ever again

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? dark chocolate

stairs or elevators? elevators (i’m lazy)

summer or winter? summer!

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? BAGELS

a dessert you don’t like? anything with a jelly or creamy/custardy filling

a skill you’re working on mastering? playing the guitar

best thing to happen to you today? my interview went really well!!!

worst thing to happen to you today? i had like three crazy stress dreams about said interview so i was exhausted all day lol

best compliment you’ve ever received? ‘your smile just lights up a room’ 🤧

favorite smell? vanilla

hugs or kisses? I WUV HUGZ

if you made a documentary, would it be about? how the portrayal of sex in modern pop culture affects our views of love and romance and intimacy in negative and unrealistic ways!!!!

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? bitch every livestream dan bastille does makes me tear up

lipstick or lipgloss? the only correct answer is CHAPSTICK

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? dua lipa and it’s not a girl crush i full on fuckin LOVE HER

how do you know you’re in love? don’t ask me this

a song you can listen to on repeat? anything by bastille

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? would love to be a cat just chillin on the ground someday

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? normally i’d say all the concerts i have coming up lmao screw you corona

[skold]

aight so here’s tim’s partial chart which you don’t have to know how to read i’m just putting it here for the people who do

putting a read more for length

sun in sagittarius - yr sun sign is the one most people know cuz it’s by birth date and you can just google it. the dates don’t change year to year the way others do. it’s yr sense of self, yr individuality, yr outward personality. sag suns tend to be rly social, active, honest to the point of hurting peoples’ feelings lmao. known to talk Too Much. impulsive. bad at foreseeing the consequences of their actions. bridge burners. HAAAAAATE being restricted in any way.

moon in capricorn - moon sign is more your internal self and people can often feel more closely aligned w/ their moon sign than their sun sign. moon sign can tell abt someone’s sensitivities and their instincts and where they find security. moon in cap generally indicates somebody who finds fulfillment in being useful to others and has an insane work ethic. has trouble cutting loose. cap moon folks tend to have a lot of insecurities wrt feeling ignored or useless. they want outside approval but can’t depend on it.

mercury in sagittarius - mercury rules over communication and intellect. indicates how someone interacts with other people. ppl with merc in sag fucking love traveling which y’know, considering tim travels for his job AND as a tourist. checks out. mercury in a fire sign can make them seem like they constantly have a fire under their ass pushing them forward. merc in sag have a talent for languages (tim speaks two fluently and at least two more enough to function).

venus in capricorn - venus is yr love language planet. it indicates how ppl feel and experience love/sex and also their feelings on what they find generally pleasurable in life. people with venus in cap can be rly withdrawn and often aren’t up front with their feelings in general but especially wrt relationships. this is PROBABLY why tim doesn’t talk abt his marriage much at all. they want loyalty and stability over all else. often attracted to partners with venus in a fire sign bc they tend to be more forward and initiate things and venus in cap doesn’t want to risk getting hurt. really slow to earn their trust.

mars in libra - mars is abt action and energy and assertiveness. it’s about drive - sex drive, ambition, what gets ppl fired up. ppl with mars in libra cannot make a fucking decision to save their lives but y’know, this is libra we’re talking about. libra placements suck at making decisions. i can say this as a libra moon who cannot commit to anything but i digress. mars in libra folks aren’t usually very social. they want permission from other people to make big moves. tend to be submissive in relationships both in general and in The Sex Way. ppl with mars in libra tend to attract more aggressive/forward/energetic partners.

jupiter in leo - jupiter symbolizes growth and expansion and how someone’s faith and ethics are. also sometimes associated with luck and fortune. ppl with jupiter in leo tend to have healthy self-confidence. they can be kinda arrogant but depending on other placements that arrogance is often not backed up. this can look like delusions of grandeur and often leads to people disliking their attitudes. as a fire alignment, there’s a lot of energy there, but it ends up being misplaced sometimes.

saturn in pisces - saturn is a bitch ass motherfucker. rules over restriction/order and maturity over time. saturn is basically that planet who will hurt you to teach u a gd lesson. the leather daddy of the planets if u will. people with saturn in pisces wanna make other peoples problems their own problems because they want to offer their emotional support, but it happens at the expense of wearing themselves thin. often really secluded private people. they have to find that balance between prioritizing themselves and prioritizing others, and if they can’t find it saturn will hurt their gd feelings.

uranus in virgo - so uranus is such a slow planet to orbit it doesn’t move sign alignments very often and can remain in the same sign for years and influence an entire generation. uranus rules over originality and freedom and revolution. ppl with uranus in virgo can be perfectionists. can be interested in things like ecology, the wellbeing of animals, and alternative medicine. gestures at tim’s 800 rescue animals and the fact that he goes to an acupuncturist. often left leaning to the point of seeming radical (this depends strongly on other placements though). big on social justice.

neptune in scorpio - neptune is also one of those slow planets. neptune rules spirituality and fantasy/imagination. ppl with this alignment can be into the occult. a huge amount of creative potential is there. this is why we saw a lot of rly influential art and music coming out of gen x folks!!

pluto in virgo - the slowest of planets. pluto is abt power and transformation. ppl with pluto in virgo can be critical and analytical. super methodical abt how they do things.

so those are the planets. there’s also a lot of other celestial bodies and points in the chart we look at also!! here they are

north node in taurus south node in scorpio - the nodes are mathematical points opposite each other in the chart. south node indicates your comfort zone and north node indicates what somebody wants out of life and has to go out of said comfort zone for. this alignment indicates somebody who struggles between holding onto things and letting shit go. TRUST ISSUES. also rly strong sexual energy that fucking asshole.

lilith in pisces - lilith is a fictional point opposite the actual moon. in mythology, lilith refused to submit to adam, rejected the world of adam & eve and decided to go chill with satan instead. which, lilith did nothing wrong but whatever. so yr lilith alignment can show what you have fascination with and what you reject about yourself. lilith in pisces people often have a fascination with self-sacrifice and often feel connected with EVERYTHING, which then leads to a lot of suffering. vulnerable to alcoholism/drug issues. people tend to find ppl with this alignment captivating but also can be intimidated/unsettled by them.

chiron in pisces - chiron is an asteroid btwn saturn and uranus. in mythology, chiron was an immortal centaur who was a healer and a teacher. he was injured by a poisonous arrow by heracles and it should have killed him but due to his immortality, he was suffering in excruciating pain but couldn’t die. he gave his immortality for prometheus and upon being sent to the underworld, zeus showed mercy on him and raised him up into the heavens as a celestial body. chiron symbolizes unhealable trauma but can also indicate how one can accept their suffering and move forward. people with chiron in pisces tend to feel the weight of the world on their shoulders and feel they’re all too aware of the suffering of other people and things like violence and injustice. these people often respond to this by helping others in some way.

SO NOW I’M GONNA GO INTO ASPECTS. which is basically how certain planets align in the chart and interact with each other. i don’t have time to describe what these terms mean cuz i’ve already been writing for an hour so just use google lmao

sun conjunct venus - highlights feminine characteristics of all genders and sexes. artistic, creative, optimistic. often fashionable. 

sun square saturn - folks with this alignment either give up at the first sign of a challenge or power thru that shit and learn from it. if this person has lower self esteem it’s generally improved by the fact they’re gratified by their own hard work.

sun square uranus - individualistic, eccentric. independent. can be inconsiderate of others. NEED to be different and NEED people to see they’re different. issues with authority.

sun square pluto - stubborn assholes. tend to be bossy and subconsciously manipulative.

moon sextile saturn - emotionally stable, reliable, helpful.

moon trine uranus - needs considerable emotional independence and freedom in a relationship and within ones family. often lead unconventional lifestyles (read: don’t work a 9-5, have polyam/open relationships, etc). MOOOOOD SWIIIIIINGS

moon sextile neptune - these folks want explanations for the world and will turn to things like religion or the occult to get answers. self-sacrificing and people tend to take advantage of them. messy home. perceptive and sensitive, especially wrt the arts

moon trine pluto - experiences emotions very fucking deeply. will express their opinions even if it’ll hurt the other person’s feelings. often closer with their mother than their father.

mercury sextile mars - quick thinkers. analytical, fast, practical.

mercury trine jupiter - open, sensitive, optimistic, kind. often into philosophy. big on traveling.

venus square mars - impulsive and enthusiastic. can be prone to losing their temper. often want impossible things.

venus square uranus - this aspect tends to complicate relationships because they literally see relationships as a loss of personal independence and autonomy. unconventional, eccentric, very original in their artistic/creative pursuits.

mars sextile jupiter - GOTTA GO FAST. always wants to be learning new things.

saturn opposition uranus - oof. these folks are often big chaotic and unpredictable. their logic sometimes only makes sense to them and it can seem they look down on other people unfairly, but it’s only because others don’t understand their thought process behind why they dislike someone.

saturn trine neptune - these people try to turn their dreams into their careers. spiritual but not necessarily religious.

saturn opposition pluto - DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKIN WANT. they have big ideas but don’t know how to get them going. can be a difficult personality type to deal with.

uranus sextile neptune - reinforces one’s sense of fantasy. can influence inspiration and originality and innovation in one’s creations.

uranus conjuction pluto - a generational alignment due to both planets being slow moving. strong, original personalities. big ideas.

neptune sextile pluto - also a generational alignment. depending on other alignments, it influences big transformations on a global scale. see: gen x

there are parallels and contra-parallels i could go into but like i have already been at this for forever and i think We Get It. and this is only half his chart without going into the houses cuz i don’t have his birth time!! that’d give us 12 more alignments to look at and tons more aspects!! so like!!! astrology is more than just yr sun sign folks. this has been me reading the fuck outta tim skold for 1600 words see ya

[monaut]

recent life realizations

finished taran wanderer and realized that all my life ive been thinking about what im MEANT to do in life but actually life is just about experiencing life itself and that i should stress less and just try to gain as many experiences as possible. i had this realization but did i actually change anything about my life? ....no

also bc of this book i was convinced i have to leave aom*ri (my fuck nowhere j*pan residence) bc sometimes you have to leave places you are for your own personal growth but at the same time i KNOW that in amer*ca nothing is waiting for me besides 9-5 forever

realized that ever since i was 7 i have been convinced that i am fundamentally WRONG as a person so i’m always psychoanalyzing myself at any given moment. but i’ve tried to stop this bc i realize that the harsher i am to myself the harsher i am to other people. which is why i hate my life so much bc i judge other people SO much but there’s literally no point bc all it does is make ME angry at not only other people (who are just being normal human beings) and myself.

simultaneously i think i’m the best and worst person in the world. it got worse bc i grew up being told i was ugly/fat/stupid (lol @ growing up w only skinny KOOL AZNs around me) and now that i’m 23 and live in j*pan ALL i hear is that i’m cute. my head is so fucking big now which makes me want to leave this rural countryside where i get xenophobic-ly mAcroaggressed every day but i also probably only get this much love BECAUSE this is the countryside and everyone’s standards are lower lol

i FEEL like i have no drive or initiative or ambition anymore and i’m not good at coming up with new ideas or making decision but i KNOW i wasn’t like that as a good and i’m worried that i made myself become this way bc i’m an asn girl loooool. how do i unlearn this...

i have INCREDIBLE fomo seeing all my 22 year old friends finishing grad school or getting hired at big 3 companies in their respective fields or getting published or getting married or going on incredible overseas vacations while im like... doing nothing except reading  books (ive read 97 books so far in 2019). can older people please give me advice bc i want to be successful in life more than anything so i can feel validated and so i can provide for my mom and dad and grandma

speaking of my grandma i’m depressed about going to k*rea for winter break bc i know i will just be locked up in her apartment again. im happy she finally got running water but seeing her decrepit just watching TV every day and doing nothing else is so depressing to me. and she has like dementia so that’s already hard but then the krn nationalism hits and i get SO angry at how old krn ppl live (whenever i see a haraboji hauling those HUGE carts of cardboard i wanna die). ALSO i hate that she expresses her love by feeding me and buying me things when i LITERALLY spend more money in one month than she probably gets in a year (im not rich she’s just poor). ALSO bc she’s such a traumatized human being she can only interact w me by yelling at me and getting angry. bro fuck the krn war lol

i still can’t believe that not everyone always has my best interests at heart. ever since graduating college my life has literally just been people hurting me in new and more inventive ways every day. OR i learn new ways to hide my true self and avoid potential sources of hurt every day. is life always going to be like this... where the HELL is my open and accepting community that will love me (i don’t even care about this anymore i just want to be ACCEPTED WHOLLY) and receive my love and where we are all genuine and caring

posting all this bc i miss the time when everyone would overshare on this website. also remember when we used to make tumblr friends so easily? maybe that’s just bc i was in f*ndoms back then but i miss being able to find all these people on the internet who I FELT LIKE understood me more than anyone in real life ever did. oh also just writing this right now i just realized i never had actual real friends growing up lol. ok bye thanks for reading 

[bthump]

what are the things you like and dislike about the '97 anime and the films?

ty for asking, i’m just gonna write a few long lists lol

97 anime likes:

the animation, including the like, yk the more detailed stills they pan over in place of action or to punctuate important moments, i love it

the gorgeous backgrounds

most of the colour choices. red eclipse, femto’s blue eyes, casca’s skintone, griffith’s mauve clothes, etc.

how close it is to the manga. like, it’s a solid adaption just by virtue of making very few changes.

so like, most of it really, because i like the manga

special mention to the entire lead up to the eclipse from griffith’s reality break to the sacrifice tho, because i think that was all pretty damn perfect. it’s the most important scene and they did it right.

actually also shout out to casca’s flashback to griffith and the dead kid, gennon, the river scene, all that. another difficult v emotional sequence that they nailed imo.

griffith thinking about how he “loves” guts during the monologue

skipped most of the griffith/charlotte sex scene iirc which i approve of

the glimpse of black swordsman guts in ep 1. it’s not perfect but it’s way better than the ovas starting w/ 15 yr old guts

the opening and closing themes. fucking love both songs ngl

also the opening monologue. never get tired of hearing it

the score

the portrayal of griffith was honestly pretty solid imo. i have very few issues there. and lbr that’s important lol

97 anime dislikes:

not a big fan of griffith or guts’ character designs.

just about everything that isn’t identical to the manga is a change for the worse

turned griffith’s scratch marks into that giant unexplained scar

adding extra scenes where casca is secretly impressed with guts’ skills in battle in an attempt to build up their relationship better, which instead just made casca look unfair for still being a dick to him for 3 years and made guts stupidly gary stu-ish

obviously the straightforwardly romantic portrayal of guts and casca’s relationship

through several seemingly minor changes (eg, skipping guts’ night of self-doubt after he leaves, giving guts’ stay with godo its own half-episode, making guts inviting casca along super romantic rather than the incredibly casual and assholish way he does it in the manga, etc) it makes Guts’ dream seem legitimately noble and worthwhile, with none of the like… implicit critique the manga has. like honestly it completely fucks up what i consider one of the central themes of the story lol

the pre eclipse stuff also fails to sell guts’ sense of regret - through things like playing guts’ theme while judeau is telling guts to leave, not repeating guts’ statement of regret after casca tells him to leave again, the tone remains consistently in favour of guts’ dream. wrong and bad.

like it really reads like the suggested tragedy is that guts doesn’t get the chance to ditch griffith with judeau and take off with casca and the raiders lol

also fucks it up by never directly mentioning guts’ csa trauma

also fucks it up by losing guts’ self-destructive single-minded urge to fight monsters that we saw thru the wyald stuff. i’m not gonna say that losing wyald was a bad decision, but they should’ve at least moved erika suggesting that guts just wants to fight zodd again to the fucking waterfall scene in question, which they portrayed completely sans zodd discussion, completely sans implication of the self-destructiveness of guts’ dream

like in the manga he nearly gets killed by the falling logs and just laughs it off like a dumbass while erika is concerned and suggests that guts is driven by something irrational and not actually a ~noble~ dream, ie, wanting to fight zodd again (ie, going deeper, his csa trauma), while in the anime we get a 2nd scene where he successfully slices through the logs as a super basic symbol of growth and a narrative pat on guts’ back that shouldn’t be there!

honestly just fucking everything about the portrayal of guts’ dream lol it just takes it at face value in a way the manga consistently never did and always undermined and critiqued, and it bugs the hell out of me.

guts is just drawn in a way that makes him look angry way too often and he often feels ooc to me bc of it. like he lacks a lot of the warmth he has in the manga imo

showing that griffith is awake when guts says “i’ll stay too” even tho in the manga those words are placed over a panel of him asleep for a reason like, ffs

lots of other random nitpicky details that only i give a fuck about because my opinions and feelings about the story are too strong lol. like not showing griffith’s face when he asks if guts thinks he’s cruel

oh huge one: moving the scene where the torturer rips off griffith’s behelit from about a day after he was imprisoned to right before his rescue. completely trivializes griffith’s torture because it still looks like he’s been in there for a day at most

why on earth did it end where it ended????????????? who’s bright idea was that? the perfect ending is skull knight riding tf out with guts and casca and femto not killing them, but then they also cut out skull knight’s first appearance so idfk man.

oh some downplaying of griffguts, like i can’t complain too much about this because it was still p homoerotic, but things like omitting guts assuming griffith wants to fuck him right before their first duel. boo.

ultimately at the end of the day as much as i do genuinely like the anime, it’s not telling quite the same story the manga was - the story it’s telling is more boring and basic. but because it sticks so close to the manga the good story still shines through? it just means there’s inconsistent tone choices and stuff, like the aforementioned grievances.

it’s like, they kept casca’s diatribe at guts line for line while she’s screaming that griffith needed him and a man can’t live on dreams alone, but they don’t extend that train of thought to guts going off to pursue his dream, while the manga does.

anyway despite that giant list of dislikes i still think the anime is pretty fantastic overall. i just also like, blame it for a lot of wrong fandom takes lol.

movie likes:

character designs! honestly imo everyone looked pretty great.

they played up the homoeroticism and i appreciate that

illustrating griffith being torn between guts and his dream through that lovely moment when he catches guts when he nearly falls off the stairs right before he catches charlotte, and in a more romantically suggestive way

the whole scene where griffith shows up at charlotte’s window thoroughly improved on the manga, so hats off there. loved how completely out of it he was to the point where he barely realized where he was and immediately turned to leave when charlotte was like ‘woah dude wtf,’ love that charlotte was the one to ask him to stay and then physically move his hand back to her tit, love how emphatically griffith was thinking about guts during that sex scene, etc. like it’s still not perfect, but it is a vast improvement.

griffith showing up in person after the hundred man fight was a nice touch

it was cool that they got a lot of the same english vas from the anime dub back, and they all did a gr8 job. like it’s a pretty good dub imo.

i liked that they moved ‘the crystalization of your last tear shed’ to after guts’ post-eclipse breakdown

compared to the anime at least gtsca was more low-key and chill rather than dramatically romantic. still don’t want it there, and still not as… unromantic as the manga, but i’ll take what i can get

the animation during griffith’s transformation into femto, yk that whole sequence, was cool

slan’s english voice was super sexy

ummmmm i feel like they conveyed the whole dreams are stupid theme, and guts’ decision to leave being a mistake, better than the anime? like i got the sense that the ova ppl recognized that was a theme, at least. i’d have to watch them again to really be sure of that tho

movie dislikes:

GRIFFITH’S. NARRATIVE.

like holy fuck they completely destroyed his character lmao

i cannot believe

no backstory! no tombstone of flame! no ‘do you think i’m cruel?’ THAT WAS THE REASON HE MADE THE SACRIFICE FFS HOW DO YOU SKIP IT????

no dead kid angst, gennon only in vague implication, no self harm - oh no wait we saw self inflicted scratches, they were just completely contextless and meaningless to the point where we could assume charlotte’s nails made them

no torture chamber monologue

no guts monologue in the tavern either for that matter

no rooftop scene

again barely the implication of guts’ childhood trauma, both the sexual abuse and the general parental abuse. one vague flashbacky nightmare doesn’t cut it, it’s the cornerstone of the story

like i get it, it’s a movie trilogy, you have to cut some things, but goddamn, cut out gtsca. trim the hundred man fight. add 20 minutes to the first ova and take the insanely long rape scene out of the third. trim down the whole eclipse sequence. don’t cut out like… the story. like they cut out SO MANY emotionally relevant scenes and kept so many much less relevant scenes, idek.

and like let’s be real here, they turned griffith from an immensely interesting and complex character into a 1 dimensional dude who is torn between a vaguely evil ambition and being in vaguely evil love with guts, just for the sake of streamlining the least interesting aspects of the story

they don’t even try to pretend otherwise lol, look at his fucking hilarious evil smile here

also while i’m looking at it, in general i think they failed at the whole eclipse sequence. looks, lighting, colour, build up of tension… there are a few minor improvements here and there (eg casca’s point of view shot of femto, femto telekinesising guts back a la the black swordsman arc which emphasizes his failure to act when he escapes), but overall it doesn’t work for me at all. like imo the anime has the exact same highs and lows as the manga, but while the ova avoids some lows it never reaches those highs.

they also had griffith overhear guts saying he wants to stay. i really don’t get why this happened twice lol, like… ok his face is kind of shadowed here but he’s still very clearly asleep? this is an important detail, guts’ interrupted words are even on that very panel, so why would you go out of your way to show that he’s awake and listening at that point.

the pacing sucked. 3rd movie was too long, 1st was too short, and they skipped waaaaaay too many significant scenes that should’ve been there as emotional beats

honestly the movies are pretty, they’re nicely fanservicey in ways, they capture some good subtleties and nuances at times, but they’re a husk of the story

oh did i mention the music during the eclipse rape? incredible.

also i am actually generally positive about the movies too despite what it seems like here lmao. i’ve watched them all like, 3 or more times and i find them v enjoyable.

i just have a way easier time listing nitpicky flaws than positives honestly. the flaws stand out to me, the virtues pass me by because i’m just enjoying them and not dwelling on them

and lbr here at the end of the day no adaption will ever really satisfy me unless i somehow find several million dollars lying around and make my own lol. and that would probably be a flop anyway.

[charmossy]

hey guys. vic here again w my second chara. i’m watching the amerks play rn so honestly, perfect opportunity to write char’s intro yeeeet.

CHARLOTTE MOSS is 26, BISEXUAL, FEMALE. SHE is THE GIRLFRIEND to JACOB ASPEN, they have been together for FIVE YEARS. Their resemblance to SHAY MITCHELL is uncanny. CHARLOTTE currently is A JOURNALIST. The media portrays them to be MISCHIEVOUS but they are really CONFIDENT. We hope they have what it takes to be with a professional athlete. [ VIC, 20, EST, SHE/THEY]

➤ BASIC INFORMATION

NAME: Charlotte Moss NICKNAMES: Char OCCUPATION: journalist AGE: 26 DATE OF BIRTH: February 28th ORIENTATION: bisexual GENDER & PRONOUNS: female; she/her

➤ PHYSICAL INFORMATION

HEIGHT: 5′7″ WEIGHT: 125 lbs DOMINANT HAND: right TATTOO(S): none SCAR(S): none PIERCING(S): both lobes, three cartilage on her left ear FACE CLAIM: Shay Mitchell

➤ PERSONALITY INFORMATION

TRAITS (+): confident, determined, self-assured, magnetic, grounded, ambitious, hardworking TRAITS (-): mischievous, stubborn, over-independent,  impulsive

char is the kind of person who knows exactly where she stands and stands with unwavering confidence in that. she takes no shit and has learned to hold her own very well, determined to be far more than just a pretty face. there’s a reason she’s good at almost everything she’s put her mind to, and it lies in her drive, her passion, and stubborn streak that never seems to die.

but there’s a fun-loving woman beneath all that ambition and drive --- you know the saying, work-hard, play-hard. she’s an impulsive person, whether it’s chasing a tip for a story she’s working on without thinking ti through or going on for an adventure on a whim. char doesn’t like the DULL life, and god forbid anyone takes that away from her.

get on her bad side, and you’ll be subjected to the longest silent treatment you’ve ever received –and yes, char will manage to keep it. that being said, char is extremely loyal to those closest to them, and very amiable towards those they meet

➤ BACKGROUND INFORMATION

HOMETOWN: Portland, OR CURRENT RESIDENCE: apartment in DC. LANGUAGE(S): English BASIC EDUCATION: high school COLLEGE EDUCATION: Columbia, Boston University( journalism )

➤ FAMILY

PARENTS: robert moss ( father ), alexia moss ( mother ) SIBLINGS: one older brother (ryan), dale moss -2 yrs

➤ THE STORY ( CW: DEATH, ACCIDENT )

--- many of char’s friends joke that she was born with a pen in her hand and the question ‘ why? ’ on her lips, and they probably wouldn’t be all that far off. she was writing for as long as she could remember, dumb little handwritten stories in notebooks and longer neatly typed snapshots as she got older. there was a curiosity that drove her and a confidence about herself to act on that curiosity.  

--- charlotte moss had no doubts what she wanted to do, the only one in her first grade class that gave a very specific answer when asked: ‘ what do you want to be when you grow up? ’, ‘ i want to be a reporter for the new york times.’ and god damn, that’s what she was going to be. she was on every school newspaper from elementary school, junior high, and high school. she wrote for the student section in the local paper, interned the summers after her junior and senior years.

--- she graduated valedictorian of her class. she was accepted into her top choice school with a hefty scholarship. she had everything. but the thing about having everything is you can lose so much.

--- it’s the spring semester of her freshman year and things are going so damn well. she got a 4.0 in the fall and she’s hell bent on keeping that trend. she was already a hit with the school newspaper, preparing to run for editor her sophomore year. spring break is coming up, and instead of going home, the family is going to meet in sunny arizona for a short family vacation. char and her eldest brother made it, their parents and youngest brother did not.

--- for the first time in char’s pretty life, things came crashing down and they crashed down hard. she fell apart, only just barely holding it together with the support of her elder brother ryan. she returned for one week with intent to finish the semester as she felt that’s what her parents would have wanted. but when she returned all she could feel was the pity and whispers that followed her. after all, the plane crash had been all over the news, and char in all her charm and fun had been popular enough for people to care --- and for once, that was a vice.

--- always the exuberant, mischievous, curious girl, grief made char a complete shell of herself. she dropped out a week later, slept on ryan’s couch and tried to pick up her life. she began to write again, more memoir and fictional than news stories. the keys of her laptop against the backdrop of ocean waves.

--- she picked up a job as a waitress, hard work that kept her busy and her mind off what she an ryan had lost and she began to look forward again. 

--- in need a fresh start, she applied to boston university and began anew. it was still incredibly difficult, but she picked up journalism once more, found comfort in writing for the school newspaper.

--- and then, enter jacob aspen. char hadn’t known he’d been on the hockey team when she met him. all he’d been then was someone who’d managed to make her laugh at a party she’d been dragged to and truly forget about death for a little while. char had always been so incredibly independent, always so sure, so hell-bent on not falling in love until she’d achieved her dreams, but a lot had happened in the last year, and she felt herself falling for jake anyway.

--- they were just friends first. for the first time since the accident, char was returning to her mischievous and impulsive self, climbing on rooftops in boston, riding the subway for hours while typing out an article on her phone. jake even if he didn’t know it, had helped to heal her --- proved that the world was still beautiful and good.

--- they started dating char’s senior year against her better judgement. they graduated. char was chasing her dreams at the new york times, and jake began chasing his in the nhl. they both supported and loved each other, and maybe that’s why they put their relationship on hold for a little while.

--- but good things always find a way back to each other and jake and char found jake on her doorstep one night ; and they’ve been strong ever since no matter the distance between them

➤ MISC 

--- char has achieved her dream of working for the new york times. she works on some lower level investigative journalism pieces that take her all over the country. she loves the pace and thrill of it all. she hates being bored and she is never bored with the nyt ( well, most of the time ),

--- she doesn’t know how long her relationship with jake will last, even though they’ve been dating more or less for five years now. their lives are both so busy and take them criss-crossing over the entire country. but the does know that she loves him a lot ; and it scares her sometimes she doesn’t like being dependent on others. 

➤ SOCIAL MEDIA

INSTAGRAM: charmossy ; 3k followers TWITTER: charmassNYT; 5k followers SNAPCHAT: charchar64 ( private )

➤ CONNECTIONS

--- JAKE ASPEN (boyfriend) -- goes without saying haha. i would love to have jake here.

--- old friends from college -- they could be from her brief columbia days, fell out of touch; could be from her BU days.

--- ppl jealous of her relationship with jake lol??

➤ PINTEREST BOARD ( coming soon )

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right