#also I did nothing for like three days because I forgot to take my b12 vitamins

[trashhole]

Starbee and soundrod stuff

I hope the gear sticks who decided to talk slag on me IN FRONT OF MY FACE see this (they hate cbv soundrod)

Silly little angel devil starbee because I love October and wanted to try a new art style

Really wanted to draw them reading together but bee was too small for me to use the reference and I realized this was the only way it would work 💀

I made more cute date ideas:

[dontdoitluke]

We Could Be Heroes - Ch 10

Sky High AU, but instead, it’s a superhero University.

Summary: Ashton and Jenna practice their powers and Cherice is still a brat.

Chapter: 10/?

Word Count: 1,495

CHAPTER INDEX

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Ashton was so excited about his new piece of equipment that he stayed up all night studying different chemical formulas to practice with. Jenna insisted on staying up with him, no matter how hard he tried to get her to at least take a nap. 

“You’ve got classes in the morning, petal.”

“And?”

“You need to sleep!”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

Ashton rolled his eyes and turned back to his laptop, scrolling through the different lists of healing stones and their properties. Persey had taken him and Jenna to the library earlier that day after he had relaxed a little and helped him pick out a few books about different healing minerals and how they could be used, but he had already skimmed through them and wanted to learn more. His desk was in a state of absolute chaos; open books strewn about, a notepad with chemical formulas listed in no particular order, and a plate with a half-eaten cheese sandwich, just to start with.

Jenna was sat on the floor next to him with a styrofoam cup, practicing with her own powers. She was currently attempting to create a full cup of water from a single drop, but the damn thing didn’t want to grow. It just kept dancing around in the bottom of the cup like a caterpillar on ecstasy. She sighed and set the cup to the side.

“Want me to make you another coffee?”

He hummed in response, holding his cup out to her while writing down the formula for a calcium supplement. As she stood in front of the mini fridge and began mixing his favorite cold brew flavors together, Ashton opened his kit and retrieved his device, which he had now taken to calling a ChemDex. He started small, punching in the formulas for different rocks that were commonly found outside, using his power to bring them to life. His plan was to create a pile of common stones, then he’d move on to creating precious gems. Once he was confident in his ability to do those things with ease, he’d practice making more vitamins, then he would work on combining different stones and vitamins together, and lastly, he would practice shaping and smoothing what he’d created.

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Three hours and 6 coffee refills later, his desk was now covered with piles and piles of his creations. Shaping these stones was much more difficult than shaping the ones he found in nature, and it took him quite a few tries before he could even smooth out a common pebble. He’d never used his power this much in one go before and he was beginning to feel it draining rapidly, but he was determined to make one last creation before he was drained completely. He quickly punched in two more formulas before putting his ChemDex away, then manipulated the energy into a small lump of silver and a rough-cut orange sapphire. He fused the silver into the sapphire before stretching it into a delicate chain while making sure that each link was connected carefully and after inspecting his work, he wearily turned to Jenna, who was still on the floor next to him.

“Jenna.”

“Ashton.”

“Can you turn around for a second?”

She looked up at him and smirked. “Why? You gonna get naked?”

A soft pink blush spread across his cheeks as he stuck his tongue out at her. “Just turn around, dork.”

Once she was facing away from him, he unhooked the chain and placed it around her neck.

“Thanks for staying with me tonight, petal.”

“Wait, what is this? Ash, what are you getting all syrupy for? That’s Drunk Jenna’s job.”

“No reason, I’m just...” He trailed off, blinking slowly. He didn’t realize how exhausted he was until now. “Happy... that you’re here to... uh, I appreciate you.”

“Ok, you need to sleep NOW,” Jenna said authoritatively, standing and holding on to his shoulder. “Come on, let’s get to bed.”

Without arguing, he allowed her to lead him to his mattress. His hands felt numb and his toes were cold, his entire body felt completely drained of any energy he may have had before as his head fell heavily onto his pillow. Jenna pulled his blanket over him and kissed his forehead.

“Hey, where do you... hah, where ya going?”

“I’m gonna clean up a little.”

He weakly grabbed her wrist, pulling her toward him on the bed. “No, stay. Please?”

“Ah, how could I say no?” she laughed as she climbed under the covers with him, snuggling into his side. “The necklace is beautiful, Ash. Thank you.”

“N-no, you...” Ashton was so tired he couldn’t hold his eyes open any longer, and he could barely form words. He’d never felt this tired before, even after working long shifts at his job, and he hated it.

“Ok, cheeseboy, you’re literally running on empty. Sleep now, make yourself a B12 vitamin tomorrow.”

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Compared to Cherice’s room, Ashton’s desk chaos was mild. She had empty food containers strewn about in all corners of the room, balled up papers spilling over the waste basket and out onto the floor, dirty clothes piled on the bed and in her chair, and somehow, she ended up getting a slice of pizza with a single bite taken out of it stuck to the ceiling.  

Her room wasn’t the only part of her that was a complete mess. Her hair was tangled, her lips were cracked and dry from picking at the skin, her face was oily and breaking out, and she hadn’t showered since her breakdown on the roof. Currently, she sat hunched over a notebook on her desk, angrily scribbling plans for her take-down of the school.

There was a knock at the door, but she didn’t answer. She stayed bent over her notebook and didn’t acknowledge the visitor until the door opened and a tower of plastic cups was knocked over.

“Excuse you, I didn’t invite you in!”

“Chill out, it’s just me,” Dee said, kicking some of the cups out of her way. “Girl, it’s only been two days, how did you manage to get a month’s worth of trash built up in two days?”

Cherice rolled her eyes and turned back to her notebook. “I strive to be the best in everything, no matter what it is I’m doing. That includes making messes.”  

Unhappy with the notes she was working on, she ripped the page out of her book, balled it up, and tossed it behind her, where it softly bounced off of Dee’s shoulder.  

“And I’m going to make one hell of a mess of this entire fucking school.”

Dee shook her head and sighed. “I still think you’re taking this too far, Cher. I mean, so what if that girl made you look dumb, like you said? You know you’re not dumb, that’s all that matters.”

“What matters is that I get my point across!” Cherice stood from her chair and stomped over to Dee, pointing her finger at herself. “All those people momentarily forgot who the hell I was, but I’m going to make them remember. I’ll make them remember, and then I’ll make sure they never fucking forget me.”

“Look, if I’m being honest,” Dee sighed, taking a step back and scrunching her nose. “ First of all, you need to brush your teeth. Second, you were the one who gave Persey an attitude to begin with. I think maybe, if you were going to do anything at all, you should-”

“Okay, stop talking now, you’re boring me.” Cherice waved her hand and angrily slid back into her seat to work on her notes. “Leave, if you have nothing important to say, but if you’re going to stay here, help me decide who I should punish first.”

Dee shook her head and moved to sit at the head of Cherice’s bed, scooting a pile of balled up papers out of the way with her foot.  

“You’re making a mistake.”

Cherice was no longer listening. Dee craned her neck to see what she was working on ever so seriously, and upon closer inspection, she realized it was a list of names and classrooms. There was also a map of the school campus with big arrows drawn with black and red markers pointing at the different buildings. It seemed to be depicting where she should start and finish her attack.

“This is fucking stupid,” Dee mumbled under her breath.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“I said,” she started shakily. “I said, ‘This is fucking stupid’. I’m sorry. It’s whack, man... you’re planning to attack the entire school just because you got embarrassed. I think it’s stupid. And childish.”

Cherice’s face twisted into a look that screamed fury, but then she relaxed suddenly, sighing and setting down her pencil. “Yeah, I know it’s stupid. In the back of my head, I know. I just... I’m so angry. And I can’t give up now.”

“You’re too proud to give up.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t kill anyone, Cher. Just... rough them up a bit.”

“No promises.”

[gem-marie-blog1]

Falling Behind

10:39 pm  Thursday I honestly don't think I could have picked a better time to incorporate the glucosamine and magnesium into my program.  I am in so much pain tonight it is almost unbearable to even lie down.  My entire back feels bruised as if someone has beaten me with a baseball bat.  I have muscles spasming everywhere and my joints are on fire.  I truly hope these new supplements help with pain relief, inflammation and sleep as well as the research seems to indicate. I NEED some restful SLEEP NOW! When you go for a certain period of time with little to no sleep it really starts to mess with your mind and your ability to not freak out over every little thing.  I am nearly at the end of my rope all the time lately because I am just exhausted.  I don't sleep soundly because I am in pain all night.  It is turning me into a very grouchy and negative person.  I do not wish to be a big jerk all the time.  So sleep has got to happen and it's got to happen NOW! Of course, I am super genius for sitting here blogging instead of already having the light off if I am so worried about sleep.  Right?  Duh! I hope to have a good report to share with you all in the morning on these new supplements. I also forgot to post my juice recipe today.  I will post it later in this blog post as well, if I can remember everything that went in it.  LOL! 1:53 PM  Saturday I have really been slacking with this blog and with doing the healthy things I am supposed to be doing for myself the past couple of days. Yesterday was the boy's 10th birthday and both the kids performed in a musical at school which had two performances.  I had to do a colonial style hairdo for the girl and stage makeup for a morning and evening performance.  The inlaws came into town for the morning performance and then we all went to a birthday lunch. I started out the morning vomiting off and on for a few hours.  I felt sick and feverish and my joints were killing me for most of the day.  I am not even sure how I managed to do the girl's hair and makeup as it it very difficult to raise my arms much higher than my waste when I am in this condition.  Somehow we made it happen though and she looked adorable. Brent and I were planning to take the kids to see the opening of Kong for the bday boy.  But by the time I had sat on the hard chairs for the hour and a half performance, plus the time we spent at lunch I was in so much pain that I was in a cold sweat.  There was no choice for me other than to come home and lie down while the three of them attended the movie. Man, talk about some serious mom guilt.  I usually go a bit overboard for birthdays.  Typically the kids wake up to balloons and streamers and paper cut outs of the number of years they are turning all over the house.  Unfortunately, I ran out of spoons and pain tolerance before they even made it to bed on Thursday night.  So my sweet little guy, newly double digits (kind of a big deal) did not wake up to these traditions yesterday and I did not attend his birthday movie with him.  Definitely feeling like mom of the year over here! Last night for their second performance I brought their two best friends along to watch and on the way home I stopped and bought a birthday balloon for the boy, flowers for the girl (she had kind of a big part in the play) and a 12 pack of Fanta (the boy's fav) and some cupcakes.  Phoning it in?  You'd better believe it.  We sang happy birthday in the car and they and their buddies had cupcakes on the way home at 9:30pm.  Sometimes I simply do what I can to get by and at least let them know that I care, even if I couldn't do my usual big deal stuff.   It is what it is.  If I obsess over the difference in my current abilities and what I would prefer to be doing,  I will just become depressed and be able to do even less.  I have mourned enough over the loss of the "old me." They know I love them and they still love me regardless of my shortcomings. Thank goodness for a simple reminder from a good friend! I had a sweet friend of mine message me this morning and snap me out of the neglectful way I have conducted myself the past two days.   This friend also struggles with chronic pain and fatigue.  She thanked me for this blog and mentioned that she is struggling to get moving today as she is in a great deal of pain and works a late job.  She mentioned that she finds my sharing about my struggle and my desire to push through the pain to be inspiring.  I appreciate her saying those things.  It made me feel less self conscious about sharing with all of you what I am going through.  But more than that it was a great wake up call! What the heck am I doing?  I didn't juice at all or exercise yesterday.  I only took a portion of my supplements.  I am in the process of baking a cake and throwing a birthday party today and have gone half the day, yet again, without doing everything in my regimen.  I did take my EmergenC and calcium, magnesium and B12.  But I have done little else that I am supposed to be doing to get myself well.  Instead I am only doing the things that wear me out and cause more pain.  How can I justify burning up spoons (refer to March 7 post for the 'spoon theory') and wearing myself out, if I am not going to try to replenish my energy and my ability to fight this harmful parasite in my body? Not smart, Gem Marie!  Get your act together! I messaged my friend back and encouraged her to get moving, even if it is just a little bit and/or to try and put some good things into her body today.  I can tell you this, one thing I will not be is a hypocrite.  I will not dole out advice and not practice what I preach.  It is just not in my character to do so.  Therefore, I am stepping up my game! I am so grateful to this friend for reaching out to me today!  Little did she know that in her effort to seek a little support on her end, she actually threw a big push my way.  We never know why we are prompted to reach out to another and I would venture a guess based on my own experience, that a lot of times our pride gets in the way and we choose not to do it.  We suffer in silence and think that no one wants to hear what we have to say.  Or that they wouldn't want to be bothered with our need for a little understanding.  What's funny about that is the fact that we may be helping them just as much, if not more, than they are helping us.  I am so grateful my friend was not too prideful to speak up and let me know she is struggling today.  I am sending positive vibes and much love her way and to anyone else who is having a hard time. WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER! I have decided to share what I told my friend in response to her message in case it could be helpful to anyone else who might be reading.  I really hope she won't mind. "It's certainly not easy and I get down on myself and my disease too sometimes. I think everyone who suffers with chronic pain and illness does. It's hard. Just hang in there babe and pick something small that you know you can handle and do it. It will make you feel like you've accomplished something and that begins to change your mindset which helps in not compounding an already difficult situation, by beating yourself up for the stuff you can't do. Make sense? So, say walking around isn't in the cards today, choose to write a letter or journal or read something uplifting or drink more water or choose to add in some foods today that help with pain and inflammation. Then, at the end of the day if you have managed to do that thing, whatever it is, you can use that feeling of accomplishment to push to do a little more tomorrow. Moving is important and believe it or not, even though our pain and fatigue is real, the ability to push yourself to get moving a little, is mostly mental. Every athlete or soldier will tell you that your brain gives up on any physical task long before your body ever will. Think about the 4 minute mile. For years no one thought it was possible until finally one guy did it. Then something like 14 other people did in that same year. The perception of their physical limitations had changed. That is really all it takes. If you are in too much pain, take a hot bath with Epsom salt to loosen up and then go for a super short walk or do some light stretching. Pick something you can handle but that is maybe a little more than the norm. If you do that, little by little everyday, my theory is that you will start to see some positive changes. I've been slacking pretty bad with my maintenance and with my blog the past couple days because we have had a lot going on. It's hard to remember to take care of ourselves like we should when our needs become overshadowed by those of our family. That is the balance I am working on figuring out currently. I have this very unhealthy all or nothing thing going on. Thank you so much for your message! You have helped snap me out of it and made me realize that I can't neglect myself today. I still have I take the time to put good things in my body and detox and blog and all the other healthy stuff I've been trying to do. Let me know if you are able to find a way to challenge yourself today. I would love to hear what you did and how it went! Remember it doesn't have to be big. Just has to be different." I went on to tell her that I hope I wasn't offensive with my advice. I know that the hardest thing to hear when one is in debilitating pain is that you should be moving or frankly that you need to DO anything. It can be so much easier said than done. I used to get pretty pissed when people would make this type of suggestion to me. I still get pretty annoyed with Brent from time to time when he tries to remind me of things like this, especially on super bad pain days. But whether I like it or not, this is what is required in order to start to heal. I know for a fact that the more times I win this particular battle in whatever small way I can, the better off I am in the long run. It is a long and arduous process, but it is the only path that I have found to at least begin making some small yet significant progress toward being well.

So, now to the healthy steps I am taking to ensure I do not remain completely off track today. - I am currently drinking some organic kombucha. - As soon as I finish the kombucha I will have orange juice, cherry juice and turmeric - I have taken ibuprofen - I have just taken my second dose of EmergenC - I am pounding water like crazy - I am juicing an anti-inflammatory juice as soon as I finish the cake - I will have a hot detox bath as soon as our party guests leave at 8:00pm This may just be the bare minimum today.  But as I told my friend, any progress is forward progress and is a positive thing. Update: The plan above did not quite go off without a hitch.  Kids started showing up early.  The mirror galaxy cake my son requested did not exactly work out.  As a matter of fact, I baked two different cakes.  Both a flop.  One, a fanta cake at the boy's initial request, which fell apart completely.  I then baked a second cake which also imploded, once I poured the glaze over top of it.  The punch overflowed, because I accidentally froze the 7up and the whole process of trying to have the treats ready in time for that portion of our little party was basically a big disaster.  Therefore, I ended up not having time to juice.  Bummer.  Instead, I am now drinking a Kevita Ginger and Turmeric drink.  Not my favorite flavor to be honest.  It kind of tastes like a spicy sort of pickle juice.  Yuck!  But it has some great probiotic and anti-inflammatory qualities.  So I will drink it whether I love it or not!  It is all about doing whatever I can to feel better, right?   Right! I used to spend two days planning and executing what were some pretty killer cakes for my kids' birthdays.   Now I try my luck at whipping up something cool in an afternoon.  Sometimes it works out.  Sometimes it does not.  I was pretty hard on myself earlier today when things were falling apart. I said and thought some very negative things about what a terrible mom I am and how nothing basically goes right anymore and blah, blah, blah... Self talk: Geez!  Get over yourself Gem Marie!  What is your deal?  Those kids shoveled cake into their like mouths like somebody was gonna take it away from them,  all while excitedly chattering about all the fun they had just had outside playing night games, led by the boy's awesomely fun dad.  Those kids couldn't have cared less what the stupid cake looked like.  Neither could that sweet boy.  Later he thanked us for an awesome birthday. It's true y'all!  They had a blast!  So who cares?  Saying something true to myself to quell negative thoughts is one of the new habits I am trying to develop.  I am certainly not the best at it.  But it is very helpful when I can put myself in check like that.  Sometimes it doesn't happen until hours later.  But I think as long as it happens at some point it can be counted as progress. Alright my friends, now I am off to take a much needed, and in my own opinion, well deserved and relaxing bath. Thanks as usual, for reading.  Please comment if you have anything to add or have any questions at all. Affirmation: I will do all that is within my capability and will not allow myself to shrink in the face of my challenges.