#also I hate the non-binary label for myself despite not 100% identifying as a man

[damndude69]

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[petrifiedson]

Saige: my identity is too long to talk about Also Saige: Let me talk about it and hold back sleep some more.

also cause i feel like being extra and just writing down my gender identity b/c i’ve actually watched a lot of video’s on it tonight AND while inspired i’m waiting for pain meds to kick in b/c my teeth are being a b i t c h I am trans. I am non-binary. Yes, you can be both, and I am both.

When I was a kid, I visualized the perfect human body as a slightly masculine form, with no breasts, and no genitalia ( or maybe just a vagina? ) between the legs.

As an adult, this is actually the body that I want. I have chest dysphoria and I want the ta-ta’s G O N E, however - I really don’t have an issue with my vagina. Like. Sure. A dick would be cool, but I don’t really care that I don’t have one. It causes me no discomfort as of now, especially the way my breasts cause me discomfort.

Unlike many trans people, I actually have no problem going into my Assigned At Birth Gender Bathroom, and I still continue to use the female bathroom. I have had kidney and bladder problems in the past, so if I have to go - I don’t care WHERE the fuck I’m going, but you best believe I am going somewhere and I don’t give a DAMN.

I also continue to use the women’s restroom because I am still more feminine than masculine, and that intimidates me at the IDEA of walking into a masculine bathroom as I see myself right now. Like.. unless it’s a one-stall, I can lock the door - I just don’t feel safe, and I’m putting my safety and comfort first. I figure I’ll start using male bathrooms when I look more masculine and I’ll feel more content with that.

Overall - I just need to fucking pee and I don’t give a shit where I do it, but it’s gonna happen so GTFO my way.

I do not identify as 100 percent male, though I strongly prefer male pronouns. I can deal with they pronouns - I’d rather that than use she. She pronouns make me feel like shit - I hate it, just - no. I cringe every time I’m called ma’am or a woman and it makes me disgusted with myself because... I’m just not a woman. I’ve never, ever, - ever once could call myself that even before I knew I was trans because that has never been who I am. And trust me, lovelies - I TRIED SO HARD to be. There is nothing female about me, regardless of being okay with my more feminine way of presenting myself. Feminine =/= female  Masculine =/= male

If I have to put myself on a scale, let’s say on the far left of a binary spectrum is Male, and far right is Female, and Non-Binary is right in the middle (and there are genders off the spectrum doing their own thing) If you cut out the middle, and go in the middle of that middle - I slightly lean more to the masculine side of that middle. 

Another way to describe it that feels right is - I feel about 70 percent.. squiggle-line, and about 30 percent male.

I like being seen as ‘guy’ on the outside. I want to have masculine arms, I want a LITTLE bit of facial hair - I want a slightly deeper voice than I have now. I’m okay being seen as handsome, and I’m okay with being seen as pretty. Call me a pretty boy; I soak that shit up.

However, there are other area’s in my identity that being labeled a man feels.. weird. I do not see myself as my parents son. I see myself as their kid, or child. I do not see myself as my siblings brother. I just see myself as their sibling. Part of me still sees myself as a ‘mom’ if I were to ever be in a situation that I had kids, though - like.. I figured that’s just because that’s what I thought I’d always be. But I don’t see myself as a dad - I just would see myself as a parent. I prefer gender-neutral terms with these area’s, and despite wanting to look more masculine than feminine - I actually, if I had the choice, don’t want to be ‘seen’ or ‘treated’ like a man.

I want to be treated like a person, regardless of gender. Like - if you could just take gender away, treat me exactly like that. I’m typing this out and I’m not T-totally sure how it makes sense, but I know that’s how I feel. I’m a human before I’m a gender, and I feel happy when I feel people don’t take gender, masc or fem, into account with me. Which, is also weird because being called he / him makes me happy.. like. JFC. Now I’m confusing myself.

IN SHORT; it’s just 100 percent easier to say I’m transmasc than explain ALLLLLLL of this. But you know what, felt kind of good to type out and now I’m going to pass the fuck out and SLEEP IN SWEET JESUS