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merryfortune · 2 years

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we were lovers in a past life (maybe you were one of my wives)

Clover and Violets 2022

Day 23. Warmth

Title: we were lovers in a past life (maybe you were one of my wives)

Ship: Amazonshipping | Mai/Taniya

Word Count: 1,557

Rating: T

Universe: Crossover - Duel Monsters/GX

Tags: Canon Divergent, Reincarnation, Missed Connections, Bittersweet

Oh to have friends in high places, Mai mused as she relished the fancy new technology that she had been gifted personally to from the Kaiba Corporation.

She had idly expressed that she had been feeling a little bored lately to Anzu and Anzu passed that onto Yugi and Yugi passed that onto Kaiba who, in a huff, announced all of a sudden that he needed some good duellists to test some new hotshot technology that his company had been creating. It felt good, Mai had to admit. So she was put on the fast list and so far she really liked what she had seen.

Even a few duels deep, Mai could tell that there was an evolution of the game on the horizon. Again. And that reinvigorated her taste for adrenaline and victory. There was just something dazzling about the new animations. They were wild, they were all but real. The new level of immersion went deeper and deeper, now without the need of VR goggles which was great because they gave Mai a headache and a bad hairdo after wearing.

This was something else. She could feel the jungle when she used her field cards, the thick and sticky humidity, she could hear the swaying of foliage. It was like she was really out there, in the real world, and not locked up inside some sterile, white space which astronauts could use to prep for space travel. Because, to be honest, that’s exactly the kind of place Mai was cooped up in per Kaiba’s request if she was going to be one of his new playtesters. At least it was private. She just had to make note of her observations in writing or via an e-mail, and she was going to get paid for it later. Easy money.

But it did pique Mai’s curiosity.

If Kaiba wanted this to be a true showstopper, then Mai clearly needed to get up close and personal with her duel. Besides, there was no rule in the contract stating that all hands had to stay inside the ride like this was an amusement park fair. She saw it all as fair game and if it was a risk, well, it made her heart skip a beat.

Her cards shuffled inside of the mount of her duel disc and then spat out her top hand. She looked through it and realised something: Amazoness Tiger… She hadn’t happened upon it at all in the previous simulated duels. Her other cards were repeats so Tiger’s presence stood out to her and it felt only right to make sure all her monsters got a chance to rampage so she summoned it after making sure her Cage was set up first.

Mai watched, enthralled, as she was encased in the battle dome. The greater jungle just outside its bending bars, locked into place which were tough and gritty. She looked around and could already feel herself sweat in the simulated sun, the heat was padding out the duel and she chose her next card with care, with a smile and an accelerated heartbeat. Even she couldn’t escape the lust of the battle that the Cage inspired.

Mai was delicate as she placed it in the correlating monster zone. There was a bluish flash which sparkled underneath her card and Amazoness Tiger growled. She felt a shiver go down her spine as the beast stalked forward onto the field, claws dragging through the dirt and tail whipping, irritated. Mai gasped, she couldn’t help herself, there was a new depth to how all her monsters appeared and Tiger was no exception. The detailing to Tiger’s fur was luxurious, brackish, with a defined muscle underneath.

“Why have I been called here against my will?” Tiger asked.

And Amazoness Tiger drew up onto her hindlegs and there was another flash. The silhouette of the tiger lost in it and became humanoid, a woman, became very much not a monster Mai recognised: a dark-skinned warrioress with mauve hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail. She looked around, annoyed and surveying, her sharpness of her eyes heightened by the facial scar she bore, only to soften - with fear - when she realised where she was and who she was with.

“Sofia?” she asked in a tiny voice.

Mai took a step back. This… This was not at all how the previous simulations had been going. This was beyond a mere misfire, a card being placed down and being read erroneously, Mai had been warned of that. This was something else entirely, she held her fist to her chest defensively.

“That’s not my name.” Mai retorted. “I’m Kujaku Mai and who the hell are you?”

“Apologies, I’m out of line.” she said and she came closer.

Again, with a softness seemingly not suited to the strength she embodied. Her eyes were confused - wanting - but also despairing. She did not want to intrude further on Mai who was just as lost as she was.

“I am Taniya, of the Amazoness Tribe, I am the one and the same monster that you summoned but this… This is not an ordinary location for duelling.” she said and she looked around. “I recognise this gladiatorial arena well, it is all but the same one as we have back home. Whatever this realm is, I fear it.”

Mai blinked and she disarmed herself, her scrunched up shoulders going down, “You do?” She was rather sceptical that anything could scare a woman who had the eyes and prowess of a tiger, after all.

“Yes, I do.” Taniya gravely replied. “I fear that this place brings Duel Monster spirits too close to the surface. That is a talent only the select can wield, if an undeserving duelist were to summon monsters like that, the consequences could be dire. Not all of us were meant to fight with consciousness.”

“I don’t believe you.” Mai replied and then backtracked, flustered, with an erratic hand gesture. “Well, okay, I can believe the part about Duel Monsters being used for bad stuff and it having horrible consequences. Trust me. That is something that is all too easy to believe. I just. Don’t believe you are a Duel Monster Spirit, if that makes sense. I don’t know what you are but it feels more than that to me.”

Taniya smiled a sad smile, it made Mai’s heart ache for what felt like centuries in just mere seconds.

“Correct,” Taniya replied, “I am slightly more than a Duel Monster Spirit but it is the most apt descriptor for what I am.”

“I see…” Mai chewed on her reply sceptically. The intersection of magic and science, it gave her the heebie jeebies.

“You still don’t trust my word?” Taniya asked. “Feel me for yourself, I am flesh and blood, even as a Duel Monster, I have a heartbeat.”

Mai was nervous but she allowed Taniya to take her hand. Taniya’s hands were warm, the crook of her bare neck and shoulders even warmer, like a hearth, like a home. Mai was still taken aback by it but even more so by the mournful way in which Taniya was in demeanour, like this was only a fragment of the entire woman she was. A very sad, very fragile fragment of her.

Mai swallowed. She could feel the pulse of Taniya’s heartbeat beneath the skin. She was so very warm and Mai was so very attracted to it, truth be told. She looked up at Taniya and she could easily imagine what she looked like before that scar.

“How did you…?” Mai tried to ask but Taniya shook her head, mildly embarrassed yet there was a flicker of nostalgia in her eyes. She had such beautiful, blue eyes, when they were full of light, at least.

“It was just a silly mistake. An argument between myself and…” Taniya reminisced.

“Let me guess, between you and Sofia chick, huh?” Mai asked.

Taniya laughed, she had a bawdy laugh and she nodded, “Yes, you are correct, Mai.”

“She must’ve been one hell of a woman.” Mai replied.

“Correct again.” Taniya said with more of a concealed chuckle this time, an exhalation of her breath which was slowly letting go of the grief that seemed to have gotten lodged inside of her out of nowhere.

Mai flicked her eyes up, shining and curious yet oddly guilty, she felt as though she ought to be for some reason, and she dared to ask, “Just who was she?”

“May I?” Taniya asked in lieu of a reply, she pointed down to Mai’s wrist, to where her duel disc was attached.

Mai blinked and lifted her wrist to Taniya. Taniya removed her deck and in doing so, it began to break the system since the system hadn’t been prepped or ready for a removal. The jungle and the cage around them began to glitch but Taniya ignored it, even as she began to become apart of it in the haphazard flashes. She looked through Mai’s deck and then found what she was looking for in the nick of time.

She handed Mai back her deck and disappeared with the illusion of the duel. Mai turned over the face down card on top and it wasn’t lost on her, the resemblance between herself and the wavy, blonde locks and violet eyes of Amazoness Paladin.

#femslash #femslash february #femslash february 2022 #yugioh gx #yugioh duel monsters #kujaku mai #mai kujaku #mai valentine #taniya (yugioh)#amazonshipping #writing tag #clover and violets #clover and violets 2022 #kudos to the tumblr user who has the mai is the reincarnation of amazoness paladin headcanon #because that post inspired this just real lowkey #also a thank you to kesha for the song past lives

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keiratheraven · 2 years

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Everything was perfect for Angela Pleasant.

Her relationship with Lilith, her twin sister improved a lot and they became best friends after they left the toxic Pleasant family house. Then they made a squad and band at once named Bentley 8 with Dustin Broke, Dirk Dreamer, Johnny Smith, Ripp Grunt, Ophelia Nigmos, and Puck Summerdream. They moved from Bridgeport to Starlight Shores for chasing fame.

Her beautiful boyfriend turned good after he left his criminal career, and now he married her.

Couldn’t be better, Bentley 8 reached its peak in its career from a garage band to the world-renowned chart-topper.

Everything was so perfect, but not many people know about her past, especially in middle school. Everyone only thinks that she was a vain queen bee AKA the alpha bitch in high school.

Until she gets that nightmare.

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

Angela woke up from her nap.

“Oh, that dream sucks.”

“Relax, Angie. It’s just your past. They aren’t in your life anymore. You have to forget about middle school memories.” Angela talked to herself while tears ran down her face.

In the morning, she made some breakfast for her household/bandmates. Dustin sat next to her, and he noticed something wrong with Angela.

“Sweetie, why do you have the panda eyes? Haven’t you slept last night?” Said Dustin.

“Don’t worry about me. It’s just another insomnia.”

“I heard you screaming last night, Angela,” said Ophelia.

Lilith rolled her eyes.

“Sis, I know you just had another nightmare again. I bet it’s about middle school, am I right?”

“Shut up, Lilith! You know nothing.”

“Oh, I guess my sister won’t tell us about her past that makes her change her appearance.”

Angela stared at Lilith furiously.

“Why won’t you tell us about it, Angie? We’re your family.” Said Johnny.

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just a bitter past.”

“Don’t keep it for yourself, Angie. It’s not good for your mental health. We won’t tell anybody. Please, sweetie.”

“Okay, I guess I can trust you guys. Actually, I used to be a nerd in middle school. Well, My classmates liked to bully me then.”

All of them, except Lilith, looked surprised. Because The Bentley Queen turned out to be the victim as well.

“Well, they liked to grab and pull my hair. They called me ugly, fat, and a shitty nerd who doesn’t deserve to be popular. That’s why I changed my appearance in high school to be pretty, popular, became the cheer captain so I won’t be bullied anymore, and you know... I became bulimic. Plus mom and dad put pressure on me to be flawless. I was very unhappy back then, although I was always acting like a perfect princess.”

“But they didn’t slap you, yell at you and blame you for everything, right sis?” Said Lilith.

“Well, I’m sorry for you both, Angie and Lil. But you guys can’t just keep blaming each other and your parents. All of us have dark pasts, and it’s okay to be not okay. Everyone makes mistakes, but we have to be elevated, forgive ourselves and others, and move on.” Said Dirk.

“Yes, Dirk. You’re so wise, no wonder you became a psychiatric apprentice.”

“Thank you, Angela. You have to be wiser as well because soon you’ll become a psychologist,”

“By the way, we have to perform an acapella live show in Brotherhood of Fine Fellows Hall this evening.” Said Johnny.

“Nice. So we became a vocal group instead of a band and have to abandon our instruments? That’s sucks.” Said Ripp.

“Come on, guys. It’s just a challenge from the venue owner. We will get paid more after that.”

“I’ve got an idea. Besides our songs, what about covering some popular songs?”

Later that night...

They sang their songs on the stage, but also covered some popular songs: Team by Lorde, Hymn For The Weekend by Coldplay, and lastly: Learn to Let Go by Kesha.

Been a prisoner of the past Had a bitterness when I looked back Was telling everyone it's not that bad 'Til all my shit hit the fan

I know I'm always like Telling everybody you don't gotta be a victim Life ain't always fair, but hell is living in resentment Choose redemption Your happy ending's up to you

I think it's time to practice what I preach Exorcise the demons inside me Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

The past can't haunt me if I don't let it Live and learn and never forget it Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

Had a boogieman under my bed Putting crazy thoughts inside my head Always whispering, "It's all your fault" He was telling me, "No, you're not that strong"

I know I'm always like Telling everybody you don't have to be a victim Life ain't always fair, but hell is living in resentment Choose redemption Your happy ending's up to you

So, I think it's time to practice what I preach Exorcise the demons inside me Whoa, gotta learn to let it go The past can't haunt me if I don't let it Live and learn and never forget it Whoa, gotta learn to let it go

I'm done reliving my bad decisions I see now maybe there's a reason why I've been through hell and back Yeah, honestly, it's all made me who I am Holding on to wasted time Gotta learn to let go in life

Learn to let go, learn to let go

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multi-lefaiye · 2 years

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For your Consideration ™ 6... I LOVE song analysis UwU

HELL YEAH thank u..... okay so I rolled for it and we'll be discussing a song from the Alekto playlist! Which is fair, because that's the one I made yesterday and Alekto is living in my head rent free the most right now.

So, we'll be analyzing and discussing Kesha's song Rainbow, which is a song that works really well for CUDAAS in general because it's like. A hopeful song about things getting better and seeing your own worth.

When applied to Alekto, I think this song represents their change in mindset after the dissolution of their first flock, and how over the course of the story they become a lot more optimistic about things changing for the better, both in themself and the world as a whole.

I'll put my specific lyrics analysis under the cut, since I know this is gonna get long. I won't go over the whole song, but I'll share the lyrics that I think are most impactful and relate the most to Alekto as a character.

"I used to live in the darkness Dress in black, act so heartless But now I see that colors are everything"

So Alekto was never a cruel person and never went out of their way to harm others, even in their original flock, but they were definitely very cynical and pessimistic. They saw the pain and suffering inflicted by their flock leader and those around them, and they were often hurt too, but they were conditioned to accept it as just the way things were. It was only much later that they got the wake-up call that, oh, things are Not okay and can and should be much better actually.

This culminates in when Alekto and Hekate actually meet for the first time. They meet when Alekto is, for the first time in their long life, admiring the world around them and seeing that there is beauty in life, both in a literal and metaphorical sense. They haven't quite gotten to the point of wanting to actively make things better, but they recognize that things don't have to be all Bad.

"Yeah, maybe my head's fucked up But I'm falling right back in love with being alive Dreaming in light, light, lights This kitty cat lost her mind Been lookin' for a star-sent sign that I'll be alright Look to the skies"

Kinda similar vibes here, with Alekto finally realizing the beauty and joy in being alive and sharing that life with those they care about. They're finding joy in being themself, their own person, rather than the person they were always told they had to be.

"And deep down, I'm still a child Playful eyes, wide and wild I can't lose hope, what's left of my heart's still made of gold"

Alekto isn't a child by any means and I don't want to infantilize them, but in a way their wonder at the world when they first start to see truly see it really is childlike. Because it's all just so new and exciting, and it's beautiful in a way that they never knew things could be beautiful. Sure, it's not all perfect, and they know all too well how terrible things can be, but they're just so delighted to see it.

"And I know that I'm still fucked up But aren't we all, my love? Darling, our scars make us who we are, are"

These lines make me think of Alekto and their relationship with Hekate, because it's that bond that really helps Alekto to understand the intrinsic value in being oneself, but also in having a community of people who support you. Alekto and Hekate are both incredibly scarred people who have been hurt by those around them, especially those with power over them, and they find solace in each other as they ultimately come to understand that those scars are part of them. Even before these two's relationship becomes romantic, they care very deeply for each other and help each other a lot when it comes to understanding themselves and the world.

"You gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you Trust me, I know the ghosts will try to find you"

Alekto is very haunted by their past, and as the story goes on this spurs them into trying to do something about it and put a stop to the systems in place that traumatized and hurt them as well as so many others. It's the pain they experienced that shapes their determination to make things better.

Anyway yeah thanks for coming to my Why I Love Alekto TED Talk <3

#talk to the bunnykitty #dr runs with scissors #cudaas #alekto cudaas #song analysis #kinda asdfjk;l #just figure i'd make a tag for these lmao #anyway yeah alekto my fucking beloved #also i want y'all to know the alekto playlist is called 'alekto is not a girl but they are a girlboss'#romance mention cw

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asirensrage · 3 years

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1-10 for the original characters ask!

1-10? Oh man, okay! Let's do this! Thanks!

1. Have you ever picked up a habit from developing/writing one of your own characters? And if so, who and what?

I answered this one here!

2. Who was the first OC you made?

Out of the ones posted, Michelle. Of all time? a shameless self-insert that I wrote with a friend that ended up being a Digimon/DragonBall Z crossover that evolved into something chaotic with a lot of original characters. I have no copy of it now but we wrote it in like grade 7/8.

3. What inspired you to make a certain character?

Which one? Most of the characters get created after I get a general idea of plot or what I want to add. Like Amelia got created after I came up with the summary first (a rare thing) while Michelle and Kelly were created after wanting to change things in SPN. Toni was created just to make a John Wick OC, Darcy was created off the idea of falling into the past and Kate was created on the idea of waking up in someone else's body lol.

4. How did you find the name for a certain character?

It depends on who. In general, I'm terrible with names. Usually, I look up ideas on names on behindthename.com, though @vixenofcourse also helps and has given me ideas on side characters.

5. Do you have any voice claims for your OCs?

Voice claims?? I've never considered that before actually (aside from Toni who sounds like her fc). Hmmm...

6. Are there any other preexisting characters that inspired an OC?

Older versions of Michelle influenced the current version. Um, some characters share similar traits, like Kate and Quest helped influence Darcy. As for actual characters, I don't think so. Except probably Sally Owens from Practical Magic with my OC Toni (for obvious reasons lol).

7. What things in real life make you think of an OC?

Music. Sometimes my friends because I'll use certain aspects of them in my characters (like my friend's height in Kelly lol).

8. Is there a certain song or playlist of songs you have that make you think of an OC/your story for them?

Yes! I have playlists for most of my stories. I use music to inspire my writing (which only works when there are playlists lol)

9. What is one of your character's theme songs? too bad, you get them all lol (Or at least all that I remember rn)

Michelle: Control by Halsey Kelly: Supalonely by BENEE and Gus Dapperton Amelia: Help I'm Alive by Metric Cassia: Love Love Love by Monsters and Men Toni: Witchy Woman by the Eagles Darcy: Bad Reputation by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts Kate: Woman (feat. The Dap-Kings Horns) by Kesha Quest: Don't Make Me by MALINDA

10. Do any of your OCs contain any symbolism in themselves/their story?

I think they all do whether or not I intend for them too. I think a lot of my stories are about overcoming odds. Caught in the Crossfire (with Michelle and Kelly) can be seen as a story about grief, loss, sacrifice and finding ways to cope and things to live for. Amelia's story, The Art of Seclusion can be seen as the question of what would you do to survive. Cassia's story The Road to Ruin is about overcoming your prejudices and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to another. Kate's story is about rolling with the punches and finding a place where you least expect it. Toni's story might be that appearances are deceiving lol while Darcy's story might be about fighting to keep the things that mean the most to you. I don't know for sure about the last ones because I think themes/symbolism are more apparent after you write it though that could be because I don't plan any of it lol. Idk.

#this was cool to think about #I have no idea about symbolism but those are my thoughts #thanks for asking!#oc asks #ask game #reggiemantleholdmyhand tle

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veggiehomosapien · 3 years

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26, 27, and 29!

Yeeeee ok

26. name a song that makes you think about someone you don’t like

Ooooo I'm gonna say Can't Stop Dancin' by Becky G. It reminds me of an immature racist asshole I met in college and they can kindly fuck off :) Also now Take On Me has a completely new meaning and I hate it bc I freaking love that song. Oh well lol and while we're here, fuck s*ra g*mble too 😘

27. name a song that you wish was longer

Omg I'm sure I have many but I can't think of any right now lmaooo. I guess I'll say Wasabi by Little Mix !!

29. is there any song that you mostly like, but there’s one specific part of it that you don’t like as much? if so, what is it?

Very good question! I love Bottom of My Heart by Bleu and Alexz Johnson a lot, I love their harmonies I love the way their voices blend, but I cannot stand the ending instrumental. It makes my anxiety spike for some reason?? I have to cut it off before it gets to that part. Same with the song Past Lives by Kesha. The ending bit? Nope, can't do it, makes me anxious 😬 that's a me thing tho, the songs themselves are great lol

Thanks for the ask, dearest friend !!! ❤

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deanlighful · 4 years

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rules: answer 30 questions and tag 5 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

tagged by: @studiesinmodernmovement thank you for tagging me

name/nickname: shawn/kd

gender: nonbinary, pronouns are he/him they/them

star sign: Scorpio

height (don’t laugh): 5’3”

birthday: nov 10th

time: 4:25 pm

favorite bands: (I dont really have one)

favorite solo artist: adore delano ,

song currently stuck in my head: nine in the afternoon PATD (no clue why)

last movie: Blast from the past

last show: Doom patrol

when did i create this blog:no clue

what do i post: really anything, Community, Watcher, Buzzfeed unsolved, Brendan Fraser stuff

last thing i googled: google forms

other blogs: A few diffrent RP blogs

why i chose my url: Im a community blog and i love the dean so im deanlighful minus the t because i forgot it

following: 367 (this is a side blog)

followers: 217

average hours of sleep: no clue

lucky number: 77

instruments:nope

what am i wearing: galaxy leggings and a t-shirt i bought a con that got messed up

dream job: a job in Hollywood working in film but also breaking the stereotypes they have on mental health

dream trip: no clue

favorite food: sushi or good Indian food

ethnicity: very white

favorite song: it changes all the time. ATM its rasing hell by Kesha

last book read: idk

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: Community of course. The Bill and ted universe i think. I also wanna say doctor who but it would be so scared of getting killed by something there

tagging: @paradigmsofbrittaperry @gay-le-forcewinds @feeshies @judyjudybobooty @allhailthesanders and anyone else who wants to do it

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imagining-supernatural · 4 years

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The Fourth Check-In

Part 21 of Seventy Percent

Series Summary: When you left on your trip to Vegas, you’d planned on letting loose for one last weekend before heading back to reality and getting your affairs in order so your best friend wouldn’t be left cleaning up your mess when your cancer finally ended your life. What you hadn’t counted on was waking up married to a celebrity who has a knight-in-shining-armor complex, connections with an oncologist, and amazing insurance…

Chapter Summary: You get more news from your doctor and you and Seb take some Buzzfeed quizzes

Word Count: 2,834

“You sure you wanna stop here?” Sean asked, pulling up to the store you’d asked him to detour to before dropping you off back at the apartment. “I remember you talking about how you don’t drink while you’re in treatment.”

Smiling, you patted his shoulder before opening the door. “It’s a one-time thing, Sean. And you can hold me to that. Seb’ll be home tomorrow morning and he can monitor me. Don’t worry about it.”

He wasn’t sold, but you left the car before he could argue more.

You were a realist. It was your biggest strength and your biggest failing.

And right now, it was the only part of yourself that you were listening to.

You had your scans yesterday, and today Dr. Chowdhury dropped the news that they weren’t as good as you’d been hoping. Tomorrow, you would begin the most intense round of treatment yet. It was your last resort. Tomorrow, your energy would be yanked away and you wouldn’t have any energy until 1) the treatment worked, you had your surgery, and you were cancer free, or 2) the treatment stopped working again and you died.

So tonight was the last night you had to feel like yourself.

And that called for getting wine-drunk.

Since Sebastian had taken you at your word when you first moved in that you didn’t want to drink while on treatment in order to stay as healthy as you could, he’d gotten rid of all alcohol in his apartment.

So, when you unlocked the door and let yourself in half an hour later, it was the first time in nearly two months that a drop of alcohol was in his place.

You had to climb on the counter to grab a wine glass from the top shelf of a cabinet, but the effort was worth it when you watched the pale pink wine splash into the crystal glass. You sure hoped it was a good wine, but after a glass or two, you knew you wouldn’t mind.

And, a glass or two (or four) later, you were correct.

You had a nice wine-drunk going on and had successfully forgotten all about your problems. At the moment, all that mattered was the Youtube playlist titled “Dance Pop Bangers” you’d found, the volume up loud, and the wine glass in your hand.

“Y/N?”

Sebastian’s voice startled you and you stumbled out of your dance for a moment.

“Hi!” Were you yelling? It was entirely possible. The music was way too loud, but you couldn’t be bothered. “What are you doing here? I thought your flight didn’t come in until, like, four in the fucking morning.”

Had you not been an entire bottle of wine into the night, you might have noticed how worried he became when his eyes fell on the empty bottle. As it was, you danced your way over to him and looped your arms around his neck.

His hand landed on your hip and he accepted your kiss on his cheek. “I caught an earlier flight. Are you drunk?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Bad scans. I’ll tell you in the morning, but short story is that I’m starting the really intense treatment in the morning and this is my last night with energy so… dance party. And wine drunk is my best drunk.”

“Bad scans?”

You offered him the last few sips of your wine and pouted up at him. “I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow. Can you just dance with me tonight? Please?”

God, those blue eyes… you were lost. It was Thanksgiving week and by god you were fucking thankful for his fucking eyes. Even as skeptical as he was right now, you were so fucking thankful.

“Seb?” You asked when he didn’t reply. “I need tonight. Please. I need to get drunk and pretend I don’t have cancer and just dance. Please?”

His eyes darted to the empty bottle on the coffee table and a grin took over his face. “I hope you got more than that one, because it looks like I have to catch up.”

Your smile lit your face and you couldn’t help but kiss his cheek again.

“God, I love you. Okay, I have another bottle in the fridge, but I only bought two because I thought you weren’t coming home and I needed make sure I stopped drinking. So you’re gonna have to fight me for it.”

“We can also order some for delivery, you know?”

You halted in your tracks to the fridge and snapped to face him. “What? You can do that here?”

He laughed. “Yeah, sweetheart. This isn’t Utah.”

“Holy shit, I love New York.”

“Fuck me,” you groaned when your alarm went off the next morning. “I forgot about the hangover.”

“Shhh,” Sebastian whispered, pulling you closer. “You’re too loud.”

“Babe, I gotta get up. I need to go to the hospital.”

“Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving. I thought you had the rest of the week off.”

The reminder of the reason behind your hangover brought a dark cloud over your head. With a groan, you shrugged out of Seb’s arms and pushed off the bed. Your head was fuzzy with the hangover, but with all of your tumor-induced headaches over the past year, you barely thought anything of it. “The scans we ran on Monday weren’t good. The treatment stopped shrinking the tumor again. Well, not stopped entirely, I guess. It just is slowing down again and Dr. Chowdhury wants to get ahead of this so we’re moving onto the round of treatment he wanted to a few weeks ago. I won’t have to go in tomorrow, since it’s Thanksgiving, but other than that… it’s six days a week til this sucker shrinks enough to take it out. I’m gonna be so fucking sick of that hospital.”

There was warmth at your back moments before Sebastian’s arms circled you. “You’re rambling again, sweetheart.”

“That’s cause I’m scared.” Your voice was barely audible. Saying the words aloud made everything suddenly seem so real. “This is it. If this doesn’t work…”

“It’s gonna work.”

“Seb, I—”

“It is going to work,” he repeated forcefully, tightening his hold on you. “You’ve planned for every outcome. You have everything in order if it doesn’t work. There isn’t anything left you can do to change the outcome. So ignore that part of your brain that wants to calculate your odds and that wants to plan for the most likely outcome and just focus on the outcome you want. Baby, you said yourself that treatment is seventy percent attitude.”

You weren’t aware that you were crying until you licked your lips and tasted salt. “I asked Dr. Chowdhury what my chances were. Yesterday when he broke the news, I asked how likely it was that my tumor would shrink enough to take it out.”

“And he gave you some answer based off of science and statistics. I don’t know if you’ve really been listening to Jasmin, but your odds from the universe are astronomically high.”

A humorless laugh escaped your lips and you leaned back against him. “Well, my statistical chance is less than ten percent now.”

“And your universal odds are a hundred and ten percent.” He kissed your cheek before pushing you towards the bathroom. “Grab a shower. I’ll have a hangover cure breakfast ready when you’re done. Then we can head to the hospital.”

“You saying I stink?”

“I’m saying your attitude stinks.”

You glared at him before giving in and heading to the bathroom. As soon as you were under the warm spray of water, you let your mind wander.

Sebastian was right. Your attitude sucked. Sure, your body was trying to kill you, but that didn’t mean that you had to give in. Not when you had a chance.

Two months ago, you had accepted your fate. You’d turned down a twenty percent chance, and now you were in treatment with a less than ten percent chance. Maybe Sebastian was right about this too. Maybe it was time to ignore the stats and focus on the outcome you wanted.

You wanted to live.

That much you knew for sure.

And afterward? You were supposed to get a divorce. That was the deal, right? It’s what you both signed up for.

But… it wasn’t what you wanted.

Sebastian.

You wanted Sebastian. As more than just a friend or-or-or whatever it was you two had going on right now.

“Just the Way You Are, We R Who We R, Like a G6, OMG, California Gurls, or Rude Boy?” Sebastian asked while you were at the hospital.

“Kesha. Duh. What’s this quiz?”

He didn’t answer, just kept on. “Hold it Against Me, Moves Like Jagger, We Found Love, Party Rock Anthem, Rolling in the Deep, or Born This Way.”

“Hmm… Born This Way.”

He continued this way until you finished the quiz. “According to Buzzfeed, you haven’t peaked yet.” He grinned brightly at you. “See? This treatment’s gonna work. You still need to peak.”

“What the hell kind of quiz was that?”

“Uh, the songs you picked from the 2010s told Buzzfeed which year you peaked.”

“Ah, well, we all know that Buzzfeed quizzes are the modern-day Oracle of Delphi.” You pulled out your phone to find a quiz of your own. “Okay, Seb. Come over here. You have to pick which picture of these foods looks best.”

“What will this quiz tell me about myself?”

You grinned. “It’s a secret. Now, which crepe looks best?”

After a few minutes of joking about the various deserts in the quiz, you got to the end and laughed out loud. “I think you need to talk to your casting directors because, baby, you should have been Black Widow.”

“I could never pull off those stunts.”

“I’d kill to see you try.”

He rolled his eyes and clicked around on his phone before pulling up another quiz. You didn’t trust the spark in his eye when he landed on one. “Not to be dramatic, but your result to this quiz will define our entire relationship from this point forward.”

“Not to be dramatic,” you mocked. “Then he goes off and is all dramatic. Alright, fine. What’s the first question?”

“Would you rather spend the rest of your life with a sailboat or an RV as your home?”

“RV.”

“Would you rather be the first person to explore a new planet or bet he inventor of a drug that cures a deadly disease?”

“Cure. Definitely.”

You continued on until you answered the last question. A grin overtook his face and he sat back. “Well, well, well…”

“What? What’d I get? What was the quiz?”

He tossed handed you his phone and you saw a picture of him on the screen. “Sebastian Stan,” you read aloud. “You’re more of the quiet type and need to find the right person to be totally comfortable with, which is why Sebastian is the perfect guy for you. You two are both adorkable and appreciate the little things in life. Who were my other options? The entire Marvel cast?”

“Nah, it was just me and Anthony.”

“Oooh, imagine how tense set would be on Monday if I’d gotten Anthony.”

“Not a chance, darling. You and I are far too adorkable.”

“Fucking Buzzfeed,” you laughed.

“You telling me you don’t find me adorkable?”

“I think you’re a dork. Does that count?”

He just laughed and toyed around with his phone for a moment. “You sure you’re fine with our plans tomorrow?”

“Of course. You said Heather said there’s a spare room if I need to lay down. And I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving usually, so I’m not missing out on any of my usual traditions. ‘Sides, it’ll be good to be around other people.”

Sebastian twisted his wedding ring around his finger a few times before looking up at you. The mood instantly sobered in the room. “You’ve mentioned that a few times. That you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving.”

“Yeah,” you murmured. You supposed Sebastian deserved an explanation. Not that it would change anything, of course. “Uh, growing up my family didn’t have the money for a big meal like that. And if we did, my dad would drink it all away anyway. Then he died in November. And then my mom died in November a few years later as well. Then Eliza, my sister, got arrested two years later in November and I guess I just never really felt very thankful considering everyone in my hometown wouldn’t shut up and blamed me for everything and I just always hated November.”

“Sweetheart, you should have told me sooner.” Sebastian shifted to sit on the arm of your chair. “You know I could have, I don’t know, done something to make this month better. Now it’s almost over.”

You grabbed his hand in yours and smiled up at him. “You did, Seb. By this time last year, I had yelled at Jasmin probably ten times. Like, actually screaming at her. And I didn’t even know I had cancer then. It was just all of the memories fucking with me.”

“So what did I do this year that helped? I figure I should know so I can do it again next year.”

Your heart skipped. By this time next year, if the surgery went well, you should be mostly fully recovered. You should be able to at least finish recovery back in Utah. If he was insinuating that you’d still be around…

“You just gave me a lot of good memories to think about at night, instead of the bad ones. I mean, I’ve dreamt of going to the Met, and you gave me two whole weekends there. You put up with me reading every single plaque. You, uh.” You glanced away with a shy smile. “You made me laugh every damn day with stories about what pranks got pulled on set and I don’t think even Jasmin has hugged me as much as you have.”

“Jasmin was around you every day,” Seb shrugged. “I only get two days a week with you. Gotta make up for lost time.”

Even though you’d been... whatever you’d been since that first kiss in the elevator for a month, you still had to force yourself to ignore that part of you that wanted to be invisible and make yourself flirt with him like you truly wanted So, you took a breath and turned your face up to his. “You saying if you were around me more than just two days you wouldn’t hug me as much? Or kiss me?”

And your flirting paid off when Sebastian got that spark in his eye. With his arm planted on the back of the back of the recliner, he leaned down until his face was mere centimeters from yours. “Course not, sweetheart. I’d probably just kiss you more.”

“That so?”

“Mmhmm.” Just as his lips brushed yours, there was a knock on the door and it started opening. Sebastian grimaced and pulled back, muttering a soft, “Dammit.”

“Good afternoon,” Dr. Chowdhury greeted as he walked in. “Ah, Sebastian. It has been a while since I have seen you. I hope all is well.”

“No complaints here.”

“Good, good. Well, I wanted to check in on you before you left, Y/N.”

“I’m fine. Though I’m sure my answer will change by tomorrow. Will my infusions take this long every time now?”

He nodded. “And with the aggressive cocktail, I would expect that your body will take at least a month to adjust.”

This time it was you who nodded. He’d told you all of this yesterday.

“I also wanted to ask you about your plans for tomorrow. I do not think I need to warn you about your weak immune system.”

Sebastian dropped his arm from the back of the recliner to your shoulders and squeezed. “A few of my friends are hosting a dinner tomorrow. It won’t be too crowded.”

“And I will make sure to listen to my body and go lay down before I need to. I’ve been through this before, Doctor. I know the risks and I know how to manage them.”

Dr. Chowdhury inclined his head and regarded you for a moment. “I was concerned yesterday,” he said slowly, “When you asked what your chance at making it to surgery was. I just wanted to check in and make sure you are still fighting as much as you were when I told you over seventy percent.”

“Yeah,” you whispered. The reminder at how far your odds had fallen still stung. “Yeah, no. It’s, uh… I get it. Trust me, I get it. But I’m here and I’m putting my all into this. Uh, my odds statistically speaking might not be that great, but this guy here…” You nudged Seb and grinned up at him briefly before turning your attention back to Dr. Chowdhury. “He keeps reminding me that my universal odds are out of this world. So… those are the odds I’m backing.”

Drunken dancing and buzzfeed quizzes, what more can you ask for? Also, did you catch the reader’s little slipup that I snuck in there?? Huh????

CHAPTER 22: THE THANKSGIVING PARTY

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan x reader fluff #marvel fanfic

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bobbystompy · 4 years

Text

My Top 88 Songs Of 2020

Previously: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

Though we couldn’t get as trim as last year’s 75, still very happy to keep this under 100 for the second year in a row. This was a very difficult year in many ways, but music helped make it more bearable.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs

Usually a pump up video goes here, but 2020 had a different energy, so Michael, take us in.

88) Katy Perry - “Smile”

Even Katy Perry’s good songs are a swirling spiral of maxed out auto-tune. This one is just fine. It’s... fine.

87) All Time Low - “Trouble Is...”

Is All Time Low the Katy Perry of pop punk?

86) Tee Grizzley f/ Payroll Giovanni - “Payroll”

I have never heard of Payroll Giovanni, but I have two questions:

1) Is this his song, and he got Tee to jump on it?

2) Or, did Tee write a song called “Payroll” and think to himself “You know who would be great on this? Payroll Giovanni!”

Favorite stretch:

Listen, we is not the same, you say "door", I say "dough" You say "floor", I say "flow", you say "for sure", I say "fa'sho"

85) Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande - “Rain On Me”

Coming out in 2020 probably hurt this song, because I have no, like, out of the house memories with it. You can only have so much fun with Big Singers Singing over a pulsing beat when it’s coming from the phone in your kitchen as you’re indifferently scrambling eggs.

84) Benjamin Gibbard - “Life In Quarantine”

Now this is a song you can do nothing to; almost feels like it’s reluctant to even exist. It got released in March of 2020, so the outro (“No one is going anywhere soon”) served as a too sad reminder/mantra for what the year was about to be. Second shout out to Gibbard for the many YouTube sets he put together during the early stages of the pandemic (when so many of his peers were trying to figure out the next move).

83) Cardi B f/ Megan Thee Stallion - “WAP”

This felt less like a song and more of a “whoa, did you see the music video?!” and/or a means to relitigate the eternal question “What is the sexual line in music?” And while it was fun to watch people freak the fuck out... the quality itself really needed to be better.

(Note: YouTube video is the edited chorus; explicit version here)

82) McKayla Maroney - “Wake Up Call”

Former Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney -- of medals and memes fame -- dips her toe into the music waters. It’s inside-the-box modern pop music. One thing that’s hard to escape: it doesn’t really sound like her.

81) Chelsea Cutler - “Sad Tonight”

He vocals really remind me of Alessia Cara.

80) blink-182 - “Quarantine”

Blink doing a Bad Religion impression. Docked a few points for the very weak chorus lyrics (“Quarantine, fuck this disease”). That said, as serious as the song comes off, there are some clever punchlines to be found.

79) Dave Hause & Brian Fallon - “Long Ride Home”

This is kind of a nothing song, but it’s easy listening. Also, if your guitar leads can’t clear the “Could Bobby have written or performed this?” bar, then said leads are probably pretty weak.

78) Travis Scott & Kid Cudi - “THE SCOTTS”

Two artists who pair so well together, it’s hard to tell who exudes more influence on the track (eh, that’s not true, it’s Travis Scott, but Kid Cudi is more of a roommate than guest). They want you to be high by the time the instrumental outro hits.

77) The Strokes - “Bad Decisions”

The beginning sound feels somewhat evolved, but by the time Julian Casablancas croons “Making bad decisions”, the song feels like it could be on their debut album “Is This It?”. And it goes in and out like that from there.

76) Thundercat - “Dragonball Durag”

Thundercat is one of those artists I wish I liked more, but when the occasional track does hit, it’s a momentary glimpse into what real fans seem to always see.

75) TI f/ Lil Baby - “Pardon”

Standard fare. Lil Baby’s cameo is very meh.

74) Porches - “Do U Wanna”

For a song that repeatedly asks “Do you want to dance?”, it sure makes you feel like you’re moving in slow motion.

73) NOFX - “Thatcher Fucked The Kids”

On the best-named album of the year (“West Coast vs. Wessex”), Frank Turner and NOFX cover each other’s material. To start us off, the legends take a song from 12 years ago about British politics from 40 years ago and, well, very easily apply it to right god damn now in America.

72) The Bombpops - “Dearly Departed”

Ahh, my year’s first cancelled concert. The listed names in V1 always make me want to skip this song -- but patience, grasshopper. Chorus is aight.

71) Ratboys - “Alien With A Sleep Mask On”

This band name will never match what the music sounds like.

70) Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - “She’s There”

The vocals in this song channel, like, four completely different singers for me, ranging from Bob Dylan to Cloud Nothings.

69) NOBRO - “Don’t Die”

An anthemic chorus meant to be belted in a room with sweaty strangers.

68) Oliver Tree f/ blink-182 - “Let Me Down”

The original solo version of this song is 1:52, and though the blink cameo pushes it over the dreaded two minute mark, it adds enough diversity to justify the choice (keep an eye out for the quick Green Day lyrical nod in the back half).

67) AJJ - “Normalization Blues”

This dropped in January, and if you thought the year was bad then. Punk News:

I'll admit I do want the album to age badly because I really don't want to have to listen to it years later and still say this is the world we're living in.

Said album being titled “Good Luck Everybody” is straight cryptic.

66) Selena Gomez - “Rare”

Very chill for big pop; triplet rhythm singing in the chorus gets me erry time.

65) Kid Cudi & Eminem - “The Adventures Of Moon Man & Slim Shady”

Cudi’s second split collab yields bigger results than his Travis Scott joint (admittedly with a worse beat here). It rarely ever hurts to let Eminem do the heavy lifting.

64) Alkaline Trio - “Smokestack”

A little cheerier than the average Alk3 song, but Dan Andriano seems like he’s been in a great place for a long time now; confident and in control. For me, the whole song builds up to the “You changed my life” chorus.

63) Frank Turner - “Scavenger Type”

Here, Frank takes on the acoustic closer to NOFX’s legendary 1994 album “Punk In Drublic”. Though the energy boost is most noticeable, my favorite part is how you can hear how much Turner loves this song as his melody bursts on the verses.

62) Mike Posner - “Alone In A Mansion”

Mike Posner, an artist I have a very soft spot for, released a storytelling concept album in 2020. From the intro track:

This album was written, recorded, and produced over a period of two weeks in Detroit, Michigan in my parents' basement. It's meant to be listened to all the way through. At least on the first listen. And it's about 36 minutes long. If you can't devote 36 minutes of undivided attention to this album, I again politely ask that you turn it off and return at a later time. I love you and I thank you for taking the time to listen in the first place. Also, it's important to note that the characters and the stories in this album are completely fictional. In addition, anyone struggling with a mental illness - depression, schizophrenia - should not listen to this album. Turn it off.

So those are the stakes. Pulling this song -- the record’s closer -- feels unfair void of context, but them’s the breaks.

61) Nada Surf - “Just Wait”

Heavy hitting chorus without having to be heavy; this could really work in a movie.

60) Matt Pond PA - “Wild Heart”

This having only 805 views on YouTube is criminal.

59) Liquid Death - “Unnecessary And Unimpressive”

Liquid Death -- in this iteration -- is a punk rock supergroup with members of Rise Against, Anti-Flag, The Lawrence Arms, and The Bombpops. If that didn’t interest you enough, all lyrics in the project (which, I believe, is for charity) come from hateful comments or negative reviews. Of the four artists involved, this sounds most like a Bombpops song, with Jen on lead vocals as others chime in.

58) PUP - “Rot”

Off my silver medalist for album name of the year (“This Place Sucks Ass”), PUP doesn’t do anything new here, but it was relieving to see them still going in 2020 when so many others got roadblocked, both physically and creatively.

57) Paul Harrold and the Nuclear Bandits - “Massanutten”

This reminds me of local Chicago artist Al Scorch. So much earnestness in the vocals, but a little more prairie for Harrold compared to speakeasy for Scorch. This would be a good road trip song. And I’m not talking about singalong... more for the stretch where you want to sit in silence and look out at the sun-kissed land blazing by. The song’s greatest victory is getting me to like something that cracks 6:00.

Note to future me: Massanutten is in Virginia (saved you a Google).

56) Kesha f/ Sturgill Simpson, Brian Wilson & Wrabel - “Resentment”

Kesha has been vulnerable in the past but never this stripped down sonically; the chorus would feel right at home on a country radio station. Love a good bridge, too.

55) Megan Thee Stallion f/ Beyoncé - “Savage (Remix)”

An up-and-comer pairing with a legend rarely lets down when both sides are this locked in. Bey wins. Fav line: “If you don't jump to put jeans on, baby, you don't feel my pain”.

She matches flows with Megan but also brings melody. Her blessing takes this song from pretty damn good to undeniably great.

That beat, too.

54) Red City Radio - “Baby Of The Year”

If all you want to do right now is grab a drink in a bar, here is a video built to troll.

(Also: a Liquid Death cameo?!)

53) Nathaniel Rateliff - “And It’s Still Alright”

The last time Mr. Rateliff had our attention, he just wanted a drink. That hit had a chorus with the very-sad-when-removed-from-the-song “If I can't get clean, I'm gonna drink my life away” lyric. Well, our man got sober since. And when the party is over, the introspection comes.

52) Direct Hit! - “HAVE YOU SEEN IT?”

Listening to slowed down Direct Hit! is like watching Usain Bolt lightly jog. It kinda makes sense because the core action is there, but it also feels sort of incorrect.

51) Hayley Williams - “Dead Horse”

Solo Hayley songs have this feel like they could do anything at any time... but then don’t. This one does the same until a very fun chorus breaks it up.

50) Kid Cudi f/ Phoebe Bridgers - “Lovin’ Me”

Probably the most improbable collab on this list (if 2020 hadn’t repeatedly taught us to not be surprised by anything).

49) The Homeless Gospel Choir - “Don’t Compare”

Listening to The Homeless Gospel Choir is kind of like getting a dedicated pep talk from a good friend... while fire rains down from the sky.

48) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Let’s Sort The Whole Thing Out”

Queen vocals with one prince of a tempo; this chorus is Sour Patch Kids riding Twix logs down a soda pop waterfall -- and it’s a b-side.

47) Green Day - “Meet Me On The Roof”

I like this song because it reminds me of summer and because it doesn’t really sound like Green Day (but still totally does).

46) Broadway Calls - “Meet Me On The Moon”

Promise -- swear -- I was gonna compare this Broadway Calls song to Green Day before realizing they both had titles about meeting in an escalated location. That said, I did put them next together on purpose to more coherently make this point.

45) David Rokos - “Building Bridges”

My buddy Dave wrote this song, and I think I’ve asked him three times what “burning sugar” meant (he says it’s a reference to absinthe). This song will make you want to travel to enjoy not only the places but the people around you.

44) Charli XCX - “claws”

Charli XCX keeps it futuristic in a video that could be described as sexy, cheesy, goofy, and playful-yet-serious.

43) Brian Fallon - “Lonely For You Only”

This is too easy and should not work (and maybe doesn’t). But that chorus... that circular phrasing... it still takes me all the way out. But I’m the same cat who proposed while a Gaslight Anthem cover was playing.

42) Waxahatchee - “Fire”

This song could be in a different language and hit just as hard.

41) Harry Styles - “Adore You”

Purifying pop.

40) Local H - “Hold That Thought”

Hardest rock song thus far. Local H was one of the first artists to play “live” once the lockdown hit (on a simultaneous YouTube/Facebook stream), and watching them attack music in their Chicago practice bunker felt a little bit like taking in the end of the world. New songs, old songs, covers -- it didn’t matter; their cool, unmatched apathy fits a pandemic or peacetime.

Ironically, was able to see them live in 2020, as they played a socially distanced, outdoor drive up concert in a minor league baseball parking lot. It wasn’t the same, but it was still something.

39) Crazy & The Brains - “I Don’t Deliver Pizza Anymore”

This song is just cool*. The verses feel tense and crucial, it starts to unspool in the pre-chorus, and the chorus itself feels like a light comedown more than anything else.

(* - though the lyric video is docked some points for spelling y’all as “ya’ll”)

38) Drake f/ Fivio Foreign & Sosa Geek - “Demons”

Menacing Drizzy can be very fun from time to time. Also more than happy to keep “Toosie Slide” very far away from this list.

37) Hey Dad!!! - “Life’s Alright”

Small band, big song; though summer feels light-years away.

36) insignificant other - “i’m so glad i feel this way about you”

This song lands a big haymaker in the first few seconds, so it was probably a good call to pull back some for the chorus and, eventually, outro.

35) BTS - “Dynamite”

Heard they made the lyrics bad on purpose for their English hit, which makes sense, because they’re bad. That said, if you listen knowing they’re supposed to be bad, it kinda makes them... good? Listen, 771 million views would have me singing nursery rhymes in Pig Latin.

34) DaBaby f/ RODDY RICCH - “ROCKSTAR”

Someone said this could be the song of the summer, but, because there wasn’t really a summer, I feel like I only heard it once all year. Also, are we really pretending Post Malone* didn’t just do a “like a rockstar” song three years ago?

(* - and N.E.R.D. before that and Cypress Hill before that... though N.E.R.D. only waiting a year after Cypress, so maybe DaBaby actually was patient)

33) The Front Bottoms - “the hard way”

Don’t take it easy on the animal / I am the animal

Not quite sure what this line means, but I fixate on the phrasing every single time. This song sounds resigned in a very self-aware way.

32) The 1975 - “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”

For a band called The 1975, they sure sound like they’re on their ‘80s shit here. Also, a real thing that happened:

Me: Is he coercing her to get naked?! I thought this band was woke.

/scans lyrics

/notices “She said” before the “Maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes” line

Me: Ahh.

Sax solo, take us out.

31) Charly Bliss & PUP - “It’s Christmas And I Fucking Miss You”

A song that is already a forever staple on all my future Xmas playlists.

30) 2 Chainz f/ Ty Dolla $ign & Lil Duval - “Can’t Go For That”

Shorty said she love me / I said “I love me back”

This is a real genre blur; rap at its core, but also soulful, funky, and very danceable. Damn creative.

29) Billie Eilish - “Therefore I Am”

Billie's 2020 gave a few singles -- but no new album -- and a body shaming scandal where the backlash to the backlash probably caused more headlines than the tweet that started it all. Still, she stays on cruise control above the clouds; can all eyes be on you if they can’t even make you out?

Video for this is fun, too. Not sure if her running amok in an empty mall is more of a COVID necessity or commentary on the dying retail industry. As always with her, fill in your own blanks for now.

28) Future f/ Drake - “Life Is Good”

This was my most listened to rap song in the first half of the year, and bumping again now, almost forgot how good it is. Drake just chasing one-liner Instagram captions in the first half:

- “Haven’t done my taxes, I’m too turnt up”

- “N****s caught me slipping once, OK, so what?”

- “B****, this is fame not clout, I don’t even know what that’s about”

And, of course, “Workin’ on the weekend like usual”. The man could make anything glamorous. Let’s hit that H&R Block, bro!

Future’s back half is a totally different song and feels mostly like noise, but the vibe is cool, so I don’t even totally mean that in a bad way. You can even make out a “Got Promethazine in my blood and Percocet” lyric to mark your Future bingo card and immediately move on.

27) I’m Glad It’s You - “The Silver Cord”

This song feels like cold air blowing on the back of your neck.

(Sidebar: thought this band was called The Silver Cord until literally right now)

26) The Spill Canvas - “Mercy”

A dreamy, distorted, at-home version of whatever you remember The Spill Canvas sounding like. This song is confessional and at peace, with the Grade A self-loathing we’ve come to love from this band.

25) 100 gecs f/ Charli XCX, Rico Nasty & Kero Kero Bonito - “ringtone (remix)”

100 gecs first hit my radar with the explosively obnoxious “money machine”, but that’s a 2019er, so this remix to “ringtone” will have to do. It’s catchy like a younger sibling persistently singing a song you’re sick of hearing*.

(* - /only child trying to work in sibling analogies)

24) iann dior f/ Machine Gun Kelly & Travis Barker - “Sick And Tired”

Iann Dior -- ...yeah -- channels Juice WRLD on the hook, and MGK/Travis Barker buoy a track that, honestly, doesn’t really even need the help.

23) Nick Lutsko - “Unleash Your Spirit”

Lutsko hit my radar on Twitter with some legendary political anthems (word to the RNC and Dan Bongino + his Dashboard Trump parody). “Unleash Your Spirit” is the song I most fear hearing (or even thinking of) within a few minutes of going to bed. Not because it’s Halloween theme is scary -- because it’s that god damn catchy. It permeates your brain. True story: a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with “Bobbing for apples with the boys” so ingrained in my head, it felt like someone was standing there yelling it through a megaphone.

22) Dogleg - “Kawasaki Backflip”

Bad 2020 robbed many concerts from us, and not getting to see this band live might take the cake. I end the year liking them but could have been *all in* with the right performance and the right venue. Also, Song Title of the Year until further notice.

21) Eminem f/ Juice WRLD - “Godzilla”

Eminem has all of the words and all of the lyrical dexterity, but sometimes it feels like there isn’t anything to ground him. Enter: one of the best beats he’s ever spit on and a Juice WRLD hook to give it pop angle. But let’s not put Slim in the corner -- when he starts accelerating at the end, it’s is a true “holy fuck” moment. It sounds faster than if you actually fast forwarded.

The video ends with a touching audio message from Juice WRLD.

20) Soccer Mommy - “circle the drain”

This song is so gloriously ‘90s; it leans in and does not care.

19) Sam Russo - “Always Lost”

The first time I met you, we were on the last bus You passed me a bottle, and I knew you were one of us

Took 25 words to hook me; I was txting friends before the first chorus even hit.

18) Sincere Engineer - “Trust Me”

Deanna Belos pushes her vocals in this one. I asked about the performance, and she said it was one of the first ones they recorded in the studio, but when they were done and listening back to everything, she re-did this track because her throat was much more used to what the song required.

“That’s why it sounds like I’m on roids lol,” she added.

17) Jay Electronica f/ JAY-Z - “Flux Capacitor”

Jay Electronica signed to Roc Nation in November of 2010. At of the start of 2020, he had still -- STILL HOW FUCKING STILL -- not released a debut album. When he announced it was finally dropping in February, it was met with skeptic eyes. He’d “announced” before. Shit, he’d even posted track lists of albums that never saw the light of day. He was a tease’s tease. It ended up getting a release date of March 12. As the pandemic got really bad in the March 11 zone, he finally had an actual reason to delay the proceedings (the plan: a studio live stream listening party*).

But no -- this is Jay Electronica. Why wouldn’t he drop as the world was ending? The same reason why his costar wouldn’t not have a watch like a Saudi prince. It had to end for it to happen. I wish I saved the memes, because they were fantastic. All I have is my own Twitter memory to prove it happened:

I love this song entirely: the “get the gat” hook (soooo New Orleans), Hov calling out the NFL/acquaintances clout chasing his potential death/rapping forever bars, Jay Elect’s ham-fisted and awkward ass Farrakhan line. Everything is exactly where it should be.

Final verdict on the full album: I don’t know, a B or B+? It had a lot more Jay-Z than expected (wooo), but -- and I rarely say this -- it could have actually been longer.

16) New Found Glory - “Greatest Of All Time”

NFG with a song referencing the Jordan-Rodman-Pippen Bulls only a few months before “The Last Dance” aired. Dare we call it marketing genius? The punk beat does not care; the punk beat is too busy taking souls.

15) Dave Hause f/ Amythyst Kiah & Kam Franklin - “Your Ghost”

“I can’t breathe”

On the heels of the George Floyd/BLM protests came Dave Hause’s somber attempt to capture the moment, desperation, and hurt. On a podcast, he said he was aware he might not ever lead the movement but still wanted to contribute something in an effort to use his platform as a white artist to change someone, anyone’s mind going forward.

14) Taylor Swift - “this me trying”

The chorus makes me feel like the crowd is parting like the Red Sea on a high school -- shit, no, middle school -- dance floor; smoke machine and all. Your crush is waiting for you on the other side. What are you going to say?

13) Phoebe Bridgers - “Kyoto”

Phoebe is one of the best lyricists out because of her specificity, but even though this song is about her dad, you can really fit it to your own narrative.

12) The Lawrence Arms - “Last, Last Words”

The Lawrence Arms wrote their new record (which singer Chris McCaughan described as “this end of the world outpost”) prior to the pandemic, but once you start to process album themes -- and research its namesake -- you do wonder. All of this, combined with some “Catcher In The Rye” references, and we’ve got ourselves a winning formula.

Dressed to kill for oblivion

11) New Lenox - “Fairytale Of Gary, Indiana”

Your boy plays drums and is on the cover art for this one. Dave Rokos wrote the tune, which references The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York”. Good news: no slurs in the Gary version. We’ll have you in and out in 90 seconds. Also: say hello to the recording debut of Alisa Caruso (some backup vox at the end).

10) Beach Slang - “Tommy In The 80s”

My most played song of 2020, but it really was more of a byproduct of how early in the year the album dropped. I’m still such a sucker for it, though. Other than forced nostalgia, not totally sure what the track is about. Did learn Beach Slang recruited former Replacements bassist Tommy Stinson to play on their LP, which was named -- /deepest of breaths -- “The Deadbeat Bang of Heartbreak City” (so maybe it has something to do with that).

9) Juice WRLD f/ Mashmello - “Come & Go”

The :55 mark. Wait until the :55 mark. When the guitar kicks in and tempo doubles, we have a real “oh, shit!” moment. I knew who Juice was when he passed but only “Liquid Dreams”. His 2020 album (“Legends Never Die”) showed us of what could have been; 55 minutes, loaded with cameos and creativity and experimentation. This song had me in its gravitational pull immediately. By the end of the year, they were using it on sports broadcasts, and it felt like a ubiquitous part of the culture.

One of my favorite days of 2020 was visiting the Juice mural in Chicago with my wife. We went impulsively during the day after someone posted a picture on Twitter.

I snapped one of my own and posted to IG with the Signals Midwest lyric “There is such quiet grace in private moments in public spaces”. The band responded with “RIP JUICE”; the perfect online exchange.

Shortly after, I was out with a different group of friends, and we went back at night. This time, it was protected by a fence you had to squeeze past. When we got through, there were kids in there smoking, taking pictures, just hanging out; empty liquor bottles lined the bottom of the mural. Even though it didn’t take all that long to make it there, it still felt like a journey and total ‘movie moment in real life’; a complete rarity in a year like 2020.

8) Mac Miller - “Good News”

Maybe I’ll lay down for a little...

Sadly continuing the theme of artists gone too soon, we have this reflective Mac Miller single, which feels more like self-eulogy than traditional rap. You feel it the entire time. The song crests with “There’s a whole lot more for me waitin’ on the other side”, and it conveys a readiness for whatever happens next.

7) The Dirty Nil - “Done With Drugs”

I don’t pray to Jesus or even own a suit

We lost the creators of our last two songs to substances, and, if we are to take this song at face value, The Dirty Nil don’t want to go down the same path. Drying out never sounded so cool and defiant... until the IKEA suggestion.

6) The Weeknd - “Blinding Lights”

Uptempo Abel is undefeated. My favorite pop song of 2020 has you feeling like you’re speeding through the empty streets of nighttime Las Vegas in a stolen car; indifferent to your environment, only tuned in to your personal desire.

And, on the lamer side of the spectrum, it spawned a catchy TikTok dance.

5) Spanish Love Songs - “Self-Destruction (As A Sensible Career Choice)”

It won’t be this bleak forever... yeah, right.

SLS has always been over-the-top with their lyrics spotlighting the hopelessness of the human condition -- so it was the *perfect* combo to being locked inside with nothing looking to forward to. Bonus: fun cake video.

Though the song’s core is uncut despair, a random moment I remember from 2020 was my wife telling me “I can hear you smiling as you’re singing” from another room as I belted the despondent chorus.

4) Worst Party Ever - “False Teeth”

This song sounds like The Front Bottoms; insecure yet so full.

3) Run The Jewels - “the ground below”

There were a lot of songs *about* 2020, but I’m not sure any artist soundtracked what being alive now is like more than RTJ. My favorite rap song and rap record of 2020.

Fav Killer Mike line: “Not a holy man, but I'm moral in my perversiveness / So I support the sex workers unionizing their services”

Fav El-P line: “I'll slap a dying child he don't pronounce my name correct”

2) The Menzingers - “America Pt. 2″

The Menzingers unexpectedly released an acoustic, re-done version of 2019′s “America (You’re Freaking Me Out)” single. It dropped on my birthday -- June 5th, 2020 -- as the rage in this country boiled over and protesters took to the streets. Though some of the lyrics remained the same, the new ones were changed with true purpose:

Well George Floyd was murdered by a cop The whole world saw the video and watched Now justice is long overdue Grab your pitchforks, we’re heading to Pennsylvania Avenue

I had nothing left when the first pre-chorus hit: “I hope the Devil and Donald and Mitch McConnell rot in hell for all tomorrows”. Tattoo this on my fucking soul.

All funds from the song were donated to Community Bail Funds (via Act Blue) & Campaign Zero. I purchased the track before hearing a note.

1) Machine Gun Kelly - “My Bloody Valentine”

Going into the year, I couldn’t tell you the difference between Machine Gun Kelly and Mac Miller -- now they’re both fixtures in this Top 10. All I really knew about MGK involved tattoos and a rap battle lost to Eminem (not that anyone ever beats Eminem).

In 2020, he took a punk/emo turn, with the services of GOAT drummer Travis Barker and new squeeze Megan Fox at his side. This song’s lyrics could potentially be cheesy but aren’t -- they all land. From the simulation going bad to not wanting “fake love” to all the damn second guessing and the earnestness that just won’t let you off the mat.

Every piece to the puzzle adds something: the messy hair, the Ken doll build, the forced iconic pink guitar that now feels actually iconic. It was almost like no one had any fun this year so he could have all of it on our behalf. There’s a half second shot of him sticking his tongue our during the pre-chorus, a joy 99.99% of us never got to feel.

The album itself was just as fantastic*; a 2000′s pop punk throwback with a Halsey duet, horrible skits (hi, Pete Davidson FaceTime), OpIvy lyrical nod (complete with a royalty check), a warp speed punk track that doesn’t even crack the minute mark, your token 6/8 ballad, acoustic closer (about his daughter), and some experimentation that leaves the new genre but still stays nearby; shades of Lil Peep, if he had Blink-182 as his backing band. Speaking of, please do not miss Travis’ fill at the 2:30 mark.

(* - named “Tickets To My Downfall”... woof)

MGK could get cancelled tomorrow, but we’ll always have this year in a bottle. The acoustic version of the song (sung in a lower resister), the 10 minute making of video (that I watched, uh, twice)... shit, he even turned it into a medley at the start of 2021.

It might be cliche to say “stay winning”, but when someone stacks this many W’s with no end in sight, what the fuck else do you call it? Real love.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading. Here is the Spotify playlist (includes 87 of the 88 songs).

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imanativeofswlondondahling · 4 years

Text

Hidden In Plain Site (2)- Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 2348

A/N: This was inspired by this wonderful post by @starsholland. Without it this would not be happening. This will be a multi part fic, but I don’t know how many chapters or when it will be posted so if you’d like to be tagged let me know:) Welcome to Tom being undercover on Tumblr. Quick notes- Y/T/B = Your Tumblr Blog

Chapter One || Master List

The edit turned out better than you thought it would. You had decided to use blue and red, since they’re Spider-Man colors and it honestly suits Tom and Haz so well. You still are wondering when the picture is from since you scoured the depths of Google and Tumblr to no avail. It’s either really old, or not really posted. Either way it made an adorable edit and will look great in your edit’s tag. It’s also sparked some ideas for a friendship imagine. It’s been so long since you wrote anything, with work and family stuff weighing you down, but you can picture the outline in your head so as soon as you finish the last touches on your outline, you click open a new document and drop a few lines down to get going.

“What you working on?” Your brother calls to you from across the living room. He knows that once you’re home for the afternoon, it’s not normally work stuff, but sometimes your graphic design projects run into your post work day.

“Just some edits. Nothing too big.”

“Bringing work home?”

“Nope, just working on some extra stuff.” You type some more into the document, wanting to make sure that everything is hitting the moment right. In your browser, you pull up your tumblr and make a new post.

Ask me stuff while I work on my latest imagine. Give me a number 1-100 and I’ll give you a song from my writing playlist and a memory attached to it.

Across the ocean, Tom can’t sleep. It’s nearly 3am, but something is keeping his mind from sleeping. He should be able to sleep just fine. He isn’t working on any movies that have him worried, he doesn’t have any auditions coming up, and he doesn’t have press for a few weeks. So why can’t he get to sleep?

Lifting his phone in his hand he sees a notification from Tumblr saying that Y/T/B has posted. He swipes across and waits for the post to load. You want questions? Well, he can help with that. Plus, he’s interested in learning about what kind of music you’re interested in.

Anonymous Asked:

33?

Anonymous Asked:

86?

Anonymous Asked:

69;D

Three Anons come in right after another. You weren’t expecting that quick of a reaction. Sure you had a couple hundred followers, but you didn’t tend to get that many reactions to your posts. At least not back to back. But you’ll take it, and reply. As soon as you send the edit to that blog that asked for it.

You pull up the thread between you and tomholland2013. You click the camera button and upload the edit you had done.

Hey, here’s that edit. Hope this works for you!

Surprisingly, whoever is behind the account messages back immediately.

That looks awesome! Thanks so muchX

Hows your night going?X

More like afternoon here lol. I’m just getting some work done after getting home earlier.

How about you? Is it night there?

It’s like the middle of the night here and I can’t sleepX

If it’s middle of the night there, did you see the news?

What news?X

That Tom saved Spider-Man?! It’s been all over Tumblr since I got home from work.

It’s kind of the reason I made your edit in red and blue tbh.

I hadn’t had time to look at my dashboard to be honest. I’ve been busy with work stuff most of the afternoon.X

It wasn’t a lie. Over the past few days having talks between him, Bob and Tom trying to smooth everything over, there wasn’t much time to glance over the explosion that had happened since the original news had been released. But after clicking send on his message to Y/N, he clicks over to your main blog to see the reaction to the news. There are some general reblogs of the news announcing Spider-Man returning to the MCU but then there were also some general posts about Spider-Man and Peter Parker. Your tags are what really get to him. Some like hashtag my-baby-is-back-where-he-belongs and hashtag get-tom-drunk-more-often-if-it-saves-my-baby. He can’t help but laugh at the last one. True he hadn’t exactly been sober when he and Bob had first talked about getting Spider-Man back in the MCU, but he didn’t think that story would take the world by storm.

Going into his settings, Tom quickly updates his picture with the edit you had done for him. Honestly, it looked better than he had hoped for. You had done Spider-Man colors and if he wasn't trying to keep this blog on the down low, he would share it on his Instagram so his fans could see how talented Y/N was. As he hits save, another message comes through from you.

Do you mind if I use the edit I sent you as inspiration for an imagine?

A what?X

An imagine. It’s a specific type of fanfic. I had a great idea of one while I was working on the edit for you, but if you’re not cool with it, I’ll find a different picture.

You did all the work on it. Feel free to use it. What kind of story?X

Basically like a Tom x Reader with hints of Harrison friendship notes in it. It’s hard to explain lol

Have you written other stuff?X

I think everyone on this site dabbles in it from time to time, but yeah I’ve written a few pieces over the past few years.

Do you have a list of them?X

Sure, it’s here.

You had linked a page in your message. Apparently dabbling meant one.. Two.. three… his finger drags down the page as he counts the stories. Holy hell, you’ve written fifty stories about him, Peter Parker and even some of the other Avengers. But most of them revolve around him and x Reader, whatever that means. You had mentioned it in your message, but he wasn’t sure what it meant.

Ok, I’m new to the whole fanfic thing, so pardon my stupidity but what does x reader mean?X

It’s a self insert fic. Basically anywhere that it says Y/N or you, you put yourself into the fic. They’re one of the most popular types of fics.

Before he can reply to your message, a notification comes up saying that Y/T/B has posted a new post.

Anonymous Asked:

33?

Y/T/B/ Answered: Heather by Conan Gray. So I love this song and totally have screamed along with the chorus of this song when I’m alone at home and writing or in my car driving places (otherwise I would freak my family out). When I wrote a fic called The Smell of Your Sweater, on my master list here, I listened to this song on repeat for three days straight to be in the right mind set. Honestly I could probably listen to this song until the end of time and never get sick of it.

Tom reads over the answer and can picture someone jamming out to a song so much that they love it. He pulls open his Spotify app and pulls up the song, because he wants to feel closer to you, even though you’re time zones apart from each other. The fact that it’s afternoon where you are and nighttime where he is makes him think that you’re in the United States.

So reader insert are some of the most popular type of fics, but what are your favorite to read?X

That’s not even something that I would share on a first date lol you’ll be waiting a bit to find out.

Is sharing that you write fanfic something that you don’t talk about on a date?X

Not normally. Talking about it with tumblr friends is one thing because I link it on my blog, but what I read is a whole nother thing. It literally says so much about you with who you read, what ships you ship, and especially what kinks you look for.

KINKS? IN FANFICS?X

You haven’t read much yet have you?

Literally no. I’ve only been on tumblr since I messaged you the first time. That was the day I made my blogX

So you’ve been on for a month? And you’re deciding to get into fanfics?

No I’m thinking I should stay away from it still. It seems like virtual porn.X

It doesn’t have to have anything smutty in it. Just click on ones that say fluff or don’t say smut next to them. You can also block certain tags so they don’t come up on your dashboard. Like Starker is a popular one to be blocked for a lot of people.

I don’t think I even want to know what that is if people are blocking it who are into this porn esque writing. X

It’s not porn lol You seem to have only found smut so far. We need to find you some fluff. Maybe some Tom x Reader?

Maybe I’m just not ready for it after all.X

Does he want to read about himself? Not at all. That seems creepy. But other people write about him too. It’s not just Y/N. He decides to research this further. In the search bar he types in Tom Holland Fanfic. The first four post all say smut or NSFW so he’s not going to bother reading them, but the thing that catches his eye is the fact that they all have over 2,000 notes on them. Two thousand people have liked or reblogged about him in a sexual way? What the actual flipping hell?

Before he has the chance to flip out even more, another notification from your blog pops up.

Anonymous Asked:

86?

Y/T/B answered: Praying by Kesha. THIS WOMAN COULD MURDER ME AND I WOULD THANK HER FOR IT. Plus that chorus makes me want to write some epic breakup scene and have one of the people begging the other to feel the same as they are feeling. Oooooo maybe I feel a one shot coming up. Anyway, a memory of this song- my best friend and I blasted this song while we drove from California to Philly to visit a school. It literally got us through so many hours of that drive. Kesha is bae lets be real. Or is that not what the cool kids say?

When he sent you these asks, he thought he would get one or two sentences in response, but he’s learning so much about you from all of these asks. Maybe he would send you some non song related ones, maybe some To- Peter Parker ones to see what else you liked. Purely science based research.

If you’re not ready for it, don’t push yourself. Fanfics can be a weird mindset to put yourself in. I used them at first to distract myself from some shitty family stuff that was going on, but now I read and write them for fun too. I think I mainly read Avenger ones at first as well as some TV shows too. Plus would I be a teenage girl if I didn’t read a few Twilight fanfics back in my day?

Twilight? Like Rob-Tom makes himself type out Rob and Kristen’s full names like a fan would-ert Pattinson and Kristen Stewert Twilight?X

That one exactly. I was the generation it was aimed for and so fanfics galore were my teen years. But I’m proud to say I’m a recovered Twihard.

Glad to hear it darlingX

What about you? What were you into as a kid?

I’ve always been a fan of Spider-Man, ever since I was a kid.X

Comics or movies?

Comics. They’re the originalsX

Which Spider-Man is the best?

Is that a trick question? Obviously HollandX

Was that conceited? Maybe. But hopefully, Y/N doesn’t think so. Oh wait she has no idea-

It was a trick question. A trick question that you clearly got right.

Another notification pops up and you suddenly remember the last number that you sent Y/N. Well hopefully the number doesn’t seem like you.

Anonymous Asked:

69;D

Y/T/B Answered: Noice.

But the actual answer is Bad Religion by Frank Ocean. This song got me through my last bout of depression lol. I remember sitting on the floor of my bedroom with the lights off and just playing this song on repeat. Always open about that here. It also gets me to channel some deep emotions into some pieces that I’m working on because it reminds me of being in that dark place. I also really like the beat of this though, like how it sounds like a mix of an electric piano and an organ. So if I ever name a one shot Bad Religion, it’s probably named after this song.

Tom feels like a weight is sinking in his gut. Almost like someone slammed an anchor into the lower part of his bowl. He didn’t mean to bring up something so dark with that number. He was hoping it would actually make her laugh. So guess he will send her one more number, but this one won’t be on anonymous.

Tomholland2013 asked: 36

Huh, he must have seen all the responses you posted. Between posting and replying to him, you hadn’t gotten much work on your imagine done, but you could post once more before jumping back to your word document.

Tomholland2013 asked: 36

Y/B/N answered: The Night We Met by Lord Huron. I literally saw them in concert with my friends last month so a lot of the memories I have of them are about this. But I have a great fanfic idea for this song specifically. To not spoil it completely I’ll just leave you with three spoilers- first date, first dance, secrets spilled. It’s a work in progress.

Now it’s time to get off the internet and back to writing, or else you’re going to Tumblr your day away.

Taglist: @ serendipitous-amor @im-still-tryin-to-find-it

#tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland imagine #imanativeofswlondondahling #imanativeofswlondondahling asks #hidden in plain sight

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