#also all those things are gay male things I feel like lesbians have none of our own stuff

[lesbianamalvada]

its isolating being a lesbian in a 'queer' friend group like its just people talking bout men all the time. there is one girl whose lesbian but the only gay thing she talks about is her pride merch and heartstopper.

No because the way my one "lesbian" friend was obsessed mlm shows like Heartstoppers and Young Royals and later came out as an Achillean trans masc and traded the lesbian flag for the toothpaste one on their bookbag. Like it's fine to live ur truth but I feel like so young people use lesbian as like a transition phase to bisexual or trans and it makes me sad.

Also no tea no shade I love Alice Oseman but Heartstopper is boring AF! If it was straight no one would watch it, let's bffr! Meanwhile shows like First Kill and Warrior Nun can stand on their own with no representation, but get cancelled. It's because everyone only sees male characters as loveable and will obsess over them only, in my experience it's only sapphics who can appreciate well written female characters and not just call them "mother" or "girlboss" while they move on to write the next essay about their white male blorbo. I can't even be mad at authors and showrunners for not creating more complex female characters because it's not what sells!

And don't get me started on how many young gays can only express their identity through "pride merch" aka capitalism. and annoying memes like limp wrist, fruity, zesty. That's not their fault identity capitalism has messed up gen z in general, but it's still isolating.

[genderqueerdykes]

thank you both for this, i was literally in the process of writing a post about this as i saw these.

i came out as bisexual when i was about 19 or 20 years old, in 2011 - 2012. this was such a difficult thing because everyone around me suddenly had very pointed opinions on me. suddenly i wasn't queer anymore, i was a straight person. i asked people why and they said well bisexual people are half straight, which makes you straight, which means gay people don't want to be around you. i was told nobody likes bisexuals because they're too straight to be gay and too gay to be straight

i had a literal personal dilemma because i didn't feel like that at all. when i was realizing i was bisexual i was realizing i was attracted to all genders in a queer way. i did NOT feel like my attraction to men, women or genderqueer people was straight in any way, shape or form. i've always fit in much better in both gay and lesbian circles. those have always been my home, and my community

in the early days of my transition, when "genderqueer" wasn't even remotely heard of, i had to try to transition into being a man to be seen as trans at all. i went from being forced into lesbian spaces to being forced into gay male spaces. nobody let me pick where i was existing. i was being pushed around. i liked both lesbian and gay male spaces, but i was being told when i could and couldn't occupy the spaces. and then when it came out i was bi everyone called me a traitor and said i was a straight person

my best friend at the time came with me to pride meetings and when her mom found out about that, and that i was bi, she told my friend she couldn't come to those pride meetings anymore, and that i was turning her daughter into a lesbian. her mother would not stop calling me a lesbian all throughout my life. from early childhood, she thought me and her daughter were dating because i was butch and she was femme and we were very close. her mom carried this belief into adulthood, asking her outright if we were lovers. her brother thought we were, too, and taunted us about it.

my own mom weaponized lesbianism against me. she hated how butch i was. she hated that i "looked and acted like a lesbian". she called me a butch and a bulldyke hatefully. she told me not to dress or look certain ways or else people would assume i, and her by some proxy, were lesbians. my mom was insanely butch so i don't really know why this was being leveraged against me but either way when i became a young adult and my mom was trying to force me to learn to drive (something i am terrified of doing due to having 2 dissociative disorders), she asked what kind of car i would ideally like. i said a truck. i was standing there in a purple plaid shirt and she just sighed and went "I knew you were a lesbian." she pointed out my shirt. she was weaponizing lesbophobic and butchphobic stereotypes against me, but either way, reinforcing that i was a lesbian in one capacity or another

i got so tired of my friends harassing me for saying that if i was bi that meant i was straight and i needed to stop calling myself gay because i wasn't, and that it was an "insult" to the gay community. note that nobody gave a singular flying fuck about the bisexual community at all. i was literally bullied out of identifying as bi, because my straight cishet male friends hated it, and my lesbian identifying GF was uncomfortable with it because it made me sound too straight.

the thing is, none of these people asked what being bisexual meant to me.

i actually liked the lesbian community a lot. i really love other lesbians. i have always been attracted to lesbian and butch identifying people for as long as i could remember. i loved seeing strong butch women on TV, even if there were rude jokes. i loved the idea of being a masculine person who is sometimes a queer masculine woman. i loved the idea of being with femmes, i loved queer women and people who took femininity to the next level. i also loved seeing gay men when and wherever they existed. i always felt like i fit right in, and like i was seeing a reflection of a part of myself i needed help discovering.

i have almost always, as long as i can remember, identified as a gay man, and a lesbian, at the same time. my attraction to men, women, and people of all genders is queer no matter what gender of mine is involved. it doesn't matter. i have never felt "half gay half straight" which is why people weaponizing heterosexuality against me as a bisexual forced me to strictly identify as a gay man for almost a decade. it was painful to ignore my butch lesbian side, and to stop identifying as gay, because people would criticize how attractive i found women, and other people

if people had let me exist and explain what bisexuality means to me, they could've understood that bisexual is an inherently deeply queer attraction no matter what genders are involved, but NOBODY cares to listen to the bisexual. everyone LOVES to speak for us because we're just "straight people invading the queer community."

we've had it. bisexuals are queer. even if they DO identify as "half straight" they're STILL queer. let bisexuals define bisexuality. there is no one size fits all form of bisexuality. every single bisexual defines it differently and that's the point. it's a very complex identity with many layers that often relate to gender and presentation as well as attraction.

let bisexuals define bisexuality.

[ingravinoveritas]

What do you make of David sayin he’s an ally, not an active participant (in queer subcultures)?

Did he come out as straight? I’m not sure anyone has ever asked him directly, not that he needs to give any explanations, I’m just curious because he gives off such a queer vibe even when he’s been married forever.

https://www.attitude.co.uk/culture/david-tennant-on-the-spice-girls-spiceworld-movie-was-being-developed-before-they-even-released-a-single-459815/

Oh, my Asks/DMs have been blowing up over this one. I did have a chance to read this interview with David (is it me, or is he doing nonstop press lately?) and...wow. Definitely enjoyable, and noticeably more unhinged/queer than most of his other interviews (which makes sense, given that Attitude is an LGBTQ-focused publication). But let's get a screenshot up of the most talked about bit, so we can discuss:

Obviously there is a lot going on here, so I'm just going to go with what stood out to me most. I don't think there is anything in the world less surprising than David naming bears first, given certain preferences of his (which I've discussed several times previously on my blog).

What's really interesting though is that the question was asking about queer subcultures, but all of the ones David listed are used primarily (AFAIK, though someone please do correct me if I am wrong) in mlm/gay male relationships. "Queer" can be many things, after all--gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, ace--and yet when David heard "queer subcultures" he specifically went for the mlm/gay ones, and that definitely feels like an interesting choice.

The second thing that I felt was worth discussing is that a lot of the reactions I've seen to this is people saying how adorably clueless David is, or how "he's a little confused, but he's got the spirit." And I'm sort of perplexed by this because we are talking about an almost 53-year-old man here, and I believe he knows damn well what all of those terms/subcultures are.

It's been brought to my attention (from what I would consider a very trustworthy source) that David is not at all as technologically illiterate as he pretends to be. Instead, it's actually part of a persona that he puts on to avoid dealing with issues that would arise from people knowing he is online. I had an inkling of this just from Georgia saying David was the one who set up all the equipment for when they filmed Staged at home (because why would such a task be put in the hands of someone who is hopeless with technology?). But having this confirmed also aligns with David creating a fake personal assistant in the early days of his career so he wouldn't have to fulfill certain social obligations, and to put a barrier between his real self and the world.

So why, then, wouldn't the same pattern possibly apply here?

I know there also tends to be this image of David as a "bumbling, goofy dad" type, and that's definitely part of him and what makes him so charming. But I don't think he is a fool, either--especially not after listening to him talk about Shakespeare or politics or anything else at length--and I think he certainly knows how to answer these types of questions. I think David is more than clever enough to give answers that are cheeky but not revealing, because he knows the purpose of all this is to promote the BAFTAs, not to be a deep, probing exposé on the life and times of David Tennant.

Which then brings me to the big, gay elephant standing in the middle of the room--a.k.a., "I'm an ally rather than an active participant." (Again...so many interesting word choices going on here, and none of it feels like an accident.)

Going back to what I mentioned about the focus of these interviews, I'd like to point out one notable thing that David himself said in the Radio Times interview earlier this week:

This, I think, sums up what we are seeing in all of these interviews: The version of David that he feels is safe to present to the world. He makes it clear as well that he is not going to reveal areas of his personal life while up on stage, and I would say that the same thing applies to these interviews. (It also speaks volumes that in the year 2024, the version of himself he feels safe presenting in these interviews is one who fully knows what bears and twinks--sorry, twinkies--are.)

So no, I don't think David is coming out as straight. I don't think he's coming out as anything, in fact, because he knows these interviews are not the place for that to happen. And I think that saying he is an ally but not an active participant makes the most sense as an answer for a public interview, but neither that nor being in a straight-passing relationship necessarily makes him any less potentially queer.

To reiterate what I said above, there is no one way to be queer. For some people, being queer absolutely can mean going to leather bars and participating in subcultures. But for other people, "queer" can mean something very different. It can mean being a Kinsey 2 just floating along doing your thing until you meet that one person who changes everything. The person who makes you go, "I've usually been more into this and not as much into this...but I'm definitely into you." It can mean being attracted to/falling for someone--a co-star, maybe?--that you never expected to feel that way about. And if David is queer, maybe that also means not shying away from anything, but at the same time not wanting to take the spotlight off the awards and the nominees celebrating one of the most important nights of their lives.

Those are my thoughts on the Attitude interview and David's answers, at any rate. Happy as always to hear from my followers with your takes. Thank you for writing in! x

[vintage-bentley]

How in the fuck are you going to be anti trans and a Good Omens fan as if both the book and the show don’t explicitly establish the existence of several nonbinary characters and both Aziraphale and Crowley themselves are genderless beings

Not to mention both David and Michael’s staunch support of the LGBT (really emphasizing the T here, since you love to drop it) community as a whole, and David literally has a trans child

Part of me is even asking this in good faith because how do you see a series that is so incredibly queer and like it considering how much you shit-talk trans people on your lackluster TERF blog

There’s many reasons, actually! I’ll explain them in good faith, because I think that people who ask questions like this don’t understand the perspective of so-called “terfs” and assume we think like you do.

Firstly, I’m a feminist, so I’m used to media not aligning with my politics. I expect it, actually. Down to very simple things, like knowing I’m never going to go into a show and see a woman just existing with body hair like men do in shows all the time. But I’m comfortable and confident enough in my beliefs that I can consume media that doesn’t align with them. This extends to my feelings regarding gender. A they/them character doesn’t make my head explode, it’s just the same for me as seeing a Christian character (like Ella from Netlix’s Lucifer) or a female character who’s pro-beauty culture (like Elinor from First Kill). It’s a representation of a belief I don’t agree with and personally don’t believe in, that’s all.

Secondly, Good Omens is set in a made up universe with fantasy themes. I can easily get behind the idea that the true forms of angels and demons are genderless, because that makes sense to me in the same way God being genderless makes sense to me. This doesn’t have to carry over to me believing that humans can be genderless (I don’t believe in the concept of internal gender identity, because I don’t believe in souls. So I guess the better way to put this is that I don’t believe humans can be sexless unless we’re using gender and sex as synonyms). In the same way that it makes sense to me that angels and demons have souls that are put into bodies issued to them…but I don’t have to believe that also applies to humans. Or how it makes sense to me that Aziraphale and Crowley could survive without food, water, and sleep…but I don’t have to believe that also applies to humans. Etc. etc.

Basically, just because something is in a fantasy show, doesn’t mean I have to believe it’s real.

Thirdly, what the actors do in their own lives is none of my business. I don’t agree with supporting the TQ+ especially in relation to LGB (considering they’ve made it a primary goal to harass lesbians into pretending we can like penis, and to take every chance they get to express their hatred for homosexuality. I love to drop the T because they dropped me and my fellow homosexuals years ago). If two straight male actors want to do that, whatever. I also don’t agree with Sheen having a baby with a woman his daughter’s age, but that hasn’t stopped me from watching the show or appreciating his talent.

This all takes me back to what I said about believing you don’t truly understand the perspective of those you call “terfs”. Just because you might not be able to comprehend watching and enjoying something that doesn’t perfectly align with your worldview, doesn’t mean others feel the same. For example, many radical and rad-leaning feminists enjoyed the Barbie movie, despite it not being radical feminist. We’re capable of watching and enjoying things we don’t agree with, and of having discussions about why we don’t agree with it.

A much simpler answer to your question would be: I’ve always loved angels and demons and all things supernatural. I’ve always loved old cars. I love Queen. Religious/moral commentary and critique interest me. I love lighthearted comedies. I’m gay and starved for representation of healthy gay relationships. I love gay star-crossed lovers stories (go watch First Kill). Naturally, I’m going to love Good Omens, even if it doesn’t perfectly align with my worldview.

[tothechaos]

This may be a weird question, but I gotta find some solid ground with this. So I am an NB Lesbian, go by they/them and all that. But lately, I've been thinking hard on he/they and rolling the thought of myself leaning into that binary. However, it frightens me. I feel like the rest of my identity (being the Lesb. Stuff) wouldn't be something I tie into... but then where would I go, and would I even know what to call myself? Because at the same time the thought of being referred to as he/him makes me slightly smile, but I also feel scared at the thought of being completely that side so I would assume the comfort level would be at he/they. But even then, I am scared of what I'd be. Mayhaps it's the unknown

Anyway sorry this is a lot of text 😭 a lot on me mind

its a little funny that you ask me of all people this. or maybe not funny, but ironic.

i was once a butch lesbian. long time ago. nowadays im a gay man, self described pansy and generally kind of effeminate dude. but im still a man.

when i was a quite young teenager, i spent months rolling around different gender identities. various flavors of nonbinary, different sets of pronouns. none of them felt right, none of them clicked. ultimately, the reason i wasnt happy with any of those identities or pronouns was because i ended up just being... a guy! i would never have gotten comfortable enough with my own masculinity to realize my maleness if it hadnt been for that period of time i identified with butchness.

i guess what im trying to say is that in order to become the fullest version of yourself (fullest, not best or most accurate, just the one that makes you the happiest), sometimes you have to try out many different things and see what sticks and what doesnt. if you think that using he/they would make you happy, then try using he/they! try using he/him! get familiar with yourself. test out a binary, then break it. if you dont know what labels to use to refer to yourself, make new labels. or dont use any. or use many. you are not betraying your past self by deciding youve changed how you feel.

becoming yourself can be scary. realizing the truth of yourself can be scary, and isolating, and confusing. it is also one of the greatest things to ever happen to you. we can be brave together

[artisticmenace]

Hii!! I keep forgetting but I always wanted to ask! On your intro page(?) it mentioned a project of yours called ‘those days’?

I’m REEEEAAALLY interested on learning more about it!!! Lore drop?

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR CENTURIES

so basically Those Days is a comic that i am currently making. its about two guys, Scott and Rodney who are both 58 and live in the midwest(because i do). Scotts sister Deb has just passed away so his great nephew, Danny comes down. The story is them telling him(and this chick named Candy, which im still figuring out how to introduce) about their life and how they met. I have over fifty issues written, but none released because after a while, it was kind of a chore, and i wasn't sure if anyone was interested! so THANK YOU SOOOOO MMUCH for asking about it!

Scott is based off of those "bad" kids that are actually really nice and are sort of vigilantes. Rodney is an easy bullying victim and even though he could totally do something about it, he doesnt.

this is very much a story about people and what they are and how your initial judgment is not always the correct assumption. its also very much how the key word in the last part of that is ALWAYS. its about life.

ill leave some character intros under the cut i case you want those too bc i could blab all day about them. scott and rodney may or may not be my sons. my boys. there will be art too. probably silly art. mostly the main group of characters. not their families though because i have barely drawn them(character design is tricky)

if you want to see all my silly drawings, they'll be tagged #those days comic or with the characters full name. but yeah THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABOUT THAT!!! I HAVE MOTIVATION NOW!!!! ok character rant under the more heeeheee

This is Scott

Scott has quite possibly the worst rbf ever and he looks like a scary mean guy. he steals his moms makeup because he can and he wears black eyeshadow 24/7. in reality, hes very nice and also has depression. hes a male MANIPULATED and has 6 semi terrible ex gfs. he is sort of homophobic at the beginning which is important to his lore. but even being a sad son of a bitch he can still beat the hell out of someone with a baseball bat. which leads to my next point. hes an adrenaline junkie. another design thing im slowly figuring out is simplifying his tattoos. theyre all on his torso and theyre all flowers. he loves flowers.

ROOOODNEYYYYY!!!!!

a lot of the time im trying to figure out how to draw him better tbh. Rodney has a prey animal stare. and he behaves much the same. hes pretty chubby but hes also fairly strong. he is very much a victim of child abuse but instead of becoming a bully, he just kinda gives up. he doesnt really have motivations outside of survival and hes not sure why. in fact, the primary reason he stuck around scott after meeting him was because scott believed him immediately after he said he didnt do something and made him feel safe. under the surface of being a prey animal, hes also incredibly angry. angry about a lot.

LUCY CAMPBELL EVERYBODY!!!

i dont draw her a lot...

Lucy is scotts lesbian ex gf and best friend ever. she kind of pushes them together because she knows too much. shes incredibly easy to talk to and people would confess to basically anything to her. design wise she also has a terrible rbf and DONT BE FOOLED!!! SCOTT STOLE HER LOOK WITH THE EYESHADOW!!! she also has lots of tattoos and actually gave scott all of his.

JORDAN AND DIANE (theyre kind of a set)

again. barely draw them and diane has had a few revisions.

diane and jordan are very much gay and in love. diane's family is like. the only immigrant family for miles. shes very nice but fairly cynical. shes very used to the notion that she has to find her way in the world and that if she doesnt fight, she wont survive. jordan is anxious as hell and dianes sister HATES her because she knows that jordan is a lesbian and is in love with diane. jordan also doesnt know why or how shes alive.

edward! ive only drawn him once.

eddie is lucys adopted brother. hes brilliant and silly. also gay as hell. idk if youve realized but almost none of these people are straight. edward isnt a very developed character because he is very much a supporting static character.

clyde and parker

clyde and parker are the two main members of scotts gang. its not really a gang but it might as well be. they dont really become important until the whole 1992 thing. youll find out. clyde was scotts best friend for a long time before he started hanging out with rodney. they have some very complicated history. diversity win! clyde finds out that he, too, is bisexual and gets with eddie! i dont know if ill wver bring that up in comic.

so thats basically the main cast of characters youll see in the comic. THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!! SORRY I YAPPED SO MUCH HAHA.

the comic will be release on a separate blog called @thosedayscomic there isnt really much on there except a mini comic that takes place around 1996, scott and rodneys thirties. its just scott getting home from work and going to sleep haha.

[our-lesboy-experience]

i think i could probably call myself a lesbian. a lesboy. butch. gaybian. whatever. all of the above actually. im transfemmasc, multigender, genderfluid[+flux] and have called myself a bi-gay man for a while but i also feel like i could fit being a lesbian. just difficult. this is the first time ive typed out these thoughts really, figured a blog like this would be good for this sort of thing. just hard to call myself a lesbian because im a trans man, and people have called me a lesbian my entire life as a way to dismiss me and force me to be a girl. my hesitance to call myself a lesbian isnt that i view lesbians as girl-exclusive, its because its been used against me as an excuse to call me a girl and try to "remove the trans" from me. but i think i could get used to calling myself a gaybian, it just feels so right and so warm to me. ive been using the label contrapan so that people get that idea and i dont have to say it out loud, but i think being a lesboy turigirl gaybian fits me.

but i need to ask. would i be really welcome in both of those communities? i mean like, could i join a "lesbian only" or "gay [man] only" space? could i call myself a lesbian on its own, or do i have to include that im also a gay man? and vice versa. i feel like an imposter

sorry for the long rant lol i just went to the first blog where i felt safe talking about this

it's okay to take your time with these things anon- just do whatever feels most comfortable for you right now, it's well within your right to do so

i guess the diplomatic response to that question would be there are communities that will fully accept you as you are, as there are others that won't. there are plenty of lesbian spaces I don't feel like I belong in, either because of hostility or because they center on cis exclusive lesbian experiences, but even so there are other lesbians that are more inclusive and share similar experiences related to gender and orientation with me. It's just finding those groups, that's all. I found it with the lesboy community. you're perfectly welcomed to call yourself a lesbian by itself if you want, how people react to you also being gay is their problem. gay male spaces tend to be more lenient, but even so none of that holds a candle to irl queer spaces (trans centered ones, at that). more often than not there's less restrictiveness regarding identity, and if you're there in the first place chances are everyone also thinks you also belong there just as much as they do.

[evilmagician430]

boyfriends but awesome (and instead of a webtoon its an independent webcomic)

design notes and 3ds flipnote concept art below the cut

general notes abt their designs and what the comic would be like in my head:

>they dont have names in this version cause i think that was one of the good things they did originally. i imagine they refer to eachother as "that one" "the other guy" etc like the dhmis guys when talking about eachother.

>they are not in a defined romantic relationship with eachother because i think thats more interesting, the polyamory aspect would be kept (im not polyamorous btw so im not gonna try to write an established polycule) but its more vague in that they all kind of have a thing for eachother but also hate eachother and want to rip eachothers guts out. and theyre all roommates and bffs. if you asked them what they were the answer you would get would be "friends who are boys". they are the height of male friendship, hate, love, etc.

>instead of focusing on sexualizing them in strange ways and doing boring moe shit it would lean into the comedy aspect BUT NO MEMES OR LATE 2010S SLANG !! this was something i could not fucking stand when reading the original (if you couldnt tell by now i did used to read boyfriends. it was a regrettable time and in redesigning and overhauling them i hope to make something good out of this wasted period of my life) like even when it was current boyfriends always made memes feel.. out of place. like as soon as they said it it wasnt cool anymore. it was the unfunniest shit ever

>i wanted the characters to look less WHITE and also more distinct from eachother and also less young cause in the original its like the same twink 3 times in different haircolors and their Chad. said chad is the best character only by way of not being annoying. so yeah i'll be more specific later but none of them are white and i gave them all different eye and nose shapes and distinct physical traits and bodies etc.

>mostly i just did this cause the "nerd" and "goth" ones piss me off so bad like thats not real. thats not a nerd thats just a nondescript waify femboy with glasses. thats not a goth, thats a tiktok eboy. and i felt bad for jock being trapped in this comic. and the prep one i feel nothing towards hes the most accurate to gay preps irl because they really are that annoying. but i tried to make him a little interesting atleast. anyways

nerd - black, brony, always aggressively corrects the others when they state an incorrect fact, really into playstation eyetoy and obscure playstation games. insanely autistic. usually pissed off if hes not indulging himself in something he likes (yaoi, games, ponies, figures, etc). i just wanted to overhaul him completely to make him almost nothing like refrainbow's nerd because nerd type characters are always the ones i tend to see myself in and are my favorites but reading the webtoon that guy just pissed me off fr.

jock - 2nd gen chinese american, one of the things i liked in the original actually was when they sexualized the jock (probably cause hes the only one who doesnt look 14 in that comic) and his big tits. hes a very genuinely kind guy, not the brightest, has a voracious appetite, he also still bakes cause thats cute i think.

prep - he looks different here because i was originally going to make him white but i decided to make him a light/medium skintone black guy (he just wears a blonde wig and contacts). when companies make their pride month merchandise and advertisements this is the exact person they imagine in their head who is going to buy these products. hes a million percent one of those swifties who thinks taylor swift is secretly a lesbian. trust fund kid btw obviously. his only redeeming quality is that hes good at makeup. jokes in the comic are usually made at his expense.

goth - 1st gen latino american, specifically peruvian because i am a self serving motherfucker. hes a really big numetal fan and listens to like 2000s evil wolf amv music in addition to legitimate gothic. his face changed a little too between this and the final design. his outfit completely changed but its only because i realized everyone else was dressed for relatively warm weather so it wouldnt make sense for him to be wearing multiple layers of black. if i do cold weather outfits for them id def reuse this look for him. hes still trans but i think all of them are in my version. also they dont use labels for their sexual/rom orientation. except prep hes homosexual gay.

congratulations for reaching the end of this incomprehensible bullshit 👍 hope someone enjoys this but idrc if its just for me either

[sapphos-darlings]

Do you have tips on finding bi women who aren't homophobic or won't treat their female partners as lesser? Most of the experiences I had with them weren't good ones. I know there are great bi women out there, but I haven't met many who weren't male centered. I'm not sure if I should stick to just dating lesbians or if it's worth it to still give them a chance. How do you filter that out? I don't want to be biphobic, but I also don't want to go through some of those things again.

Hiya. There's a bit of an issue with this way of looking at things - you're generalising, and treating bisexual women as a group rather than as individuals. With that in mind,

the trick to finding bi women who aren't homophobic, internalised or externalised, is to look until you find one. Bi people are neither more or less prone to prejudice than other groups of people, and heteronormativity hits our communities very hard - just like gay people, we're taught that heterosexuality, heterosexual relationships, are the status quo. Not only that, but that they're the only option. But unlike many gay people, many of us can coast along with that for quite some time. It's not rare for a gay person to discover their homosexuality well into their adulthood, but for bisexual people, it's even easier to miss the signs because you're expected to be straight... and you've been able to find romance, love, and intimacy with the expected gender. Many bisexuals report not realising that what they feel for other genders than the one they're "supposed" to find attractive is attraction, because they're not looking for it. We're all taught, regardless of orientation, that gay people are not in the same room with us. They're "those other people" over there, yonder, someplace that doesn't concern us. The outsiders. We're talked to like we're all straight and gay people are a theoretical concept in the wild that we might, maybe, run into during our lifetime, but it will never be us and we are heterosexuals, all of us, of course and obviously.

This confuses bisexual people just as much as it confuses gay people. Many people bypass their crushes and infatuations as something else - "oh, I just really like this person. I just really want to be friends with them", and "I'm sure everybody gets those urges to kiss their friends or thinks that some famous people of the same gender is attractive, or has fantasies of sleeping with the same sex, it's no big deal." Some people keep waiting to find the one that they'll end up with, who they'll fall madly in love with and want to start a family with, but it just kind of never comes. They're inexplicably always closer with their friends than any prospective date or partner. They feel more fulfillment from cuddling up with a close friend than having sex with a boyfriend they're supposed to be in love with. And it's just what it is. It's not contested. They just haven't found the one yet.

None of these feelings is bi exclusive, but where gay people may eventually hit a point where they realise they cannot experience the happiness they're seeking with anybody but someone of the same gender, some bi people keep holding on to that hope that they'll eventually end up with someone who is socially acceptable, someone they're "meant to be" with, who is agreeable and uncomplicatedly heterosexual.

This is not all bisexuals. And there's no trick to finding a "good one" out of us. There are no "good" or "bad" bisexuals. There's people who don't care about the sex and gender of their partners, and there's people who very much do. There's people who are experimenting but not ready to go all in, and there's people who are looking to ride or die. There's people who are mature and committed to their established relationships, and there's people who aren't. There's people who have not processed and dealt with their internalised homophobia, and there's people who have. There's people who are looking for flings, and people who are looking for a relationship. None of this is exclusive to bisexuals. But bisexuals face a lot of prejudice, and a lot of discouragement to do the exploration and self-searching that is encouraged for others. It is very difficult to feel pride and joy in your orientation when you're branded as an immoral, promiscuous cheater from all ends of the spectrum simply for being capable of feeling attraction into multiple directions, or falling in love with anybody regardless of gender, instead of just having "a team you're batting for". As if cheating, promiscuity, or being unwilling to commit was about opportunity instead of about the person's own choices.

We're also told from every direction that we're just confused, that we have to pick a side, that we're not welcome here or there before we admit to "just" being straight or gay. Some will see this and decide that it's overall easier to stick to the majority, to pretend that they're not bi, or only be bi "on the side", whatever that means for them. That is a personal choice, not one inherent to bisexuality.

So, truly, how do you find a bisexual who is not homophobic, internalised or externalised? You look for one, and you go through the deed of vetting them like any other potential partner you might consider. Bisexual people are not inherently any less capable of taking on a serious, committed relationship than any other person out there. Just like it's not the fault of all lesbians if a relationship between two lesbians falls apart because one of them caves in under the homophobic pressure of society or their family or their religion, it's not the fault of all bisexual people if this happens in a relationship where the partner who can't cope with the pressure is bisexual. Just like a gay guy cheating on his partner is not the fault or choice of all gay men, a bisexual person cheating on a partner is not the fault or choice of all bisexuals. Just like a straight woman choosing to part ways with a partner because the relationship is too much for them and they're just not in a good place emotionally or mentally, it's not the fault of all straight women that they weren't ready for that committed relationship.

Nothing about relationship conflicts, or personal or interpersonal issues, is unique to bisexuals. Not even male preference; our whole society has a male preference. It doesn't matter if you're a woman, man, gay, straight, our society is set up to prioritise men and downplay women. This is the nature of sexism.

To find a partner in the midst of this? You just have to keep looking until you find one who matches your needs - and whose needs you match, too.

[makingqueerhistory]

Different anon, but talking of Norway and queer graphic novels, we have:

https://booksfromnorway.com/books/2050-the-eye-of-the-dragon-betrayed

Where the main character is non-binary (like the creator, @cha-c-san) and they fall in love with a buff woman who hasn't fallen in love with men before, so they are afraid she won't fall in love them (spoiler: but she does). There's also a character who is poly pan, he has both a female and a male love interest, and there's a gay couple who have a son. And there's some het couples too that aren't treated as superior nor horrible because they are het, all the couples are treated just as natural. I hope there'll be some canon a-spec people too.

I'm a repulsed aroace but none of the romances were repulsing to me personally if any other repulsed aros, aces, aroace, or traumatized think it looks interesting but are afraid it'll be too much.

https://booksfromnorway.com/books/2421-wild-paws-the-fox-farm

Is made by a trans man. I haven't read it yet as the demographic seems a little too young for me, but apparently it talks about serious topics like anxiety and the fur trade.

https://booksfromnorway.com/books/2552-valiant

Haven't read it yet either, *goes to book store, they only have it that I'm interested in, feels dumb if I just buy one thing due to social anxiety, goes to another bookstore, they have another book I'm interested in but not it, repeat*. But the author (I do not know about the artist) is bi. I don't know if this'll be presented in the books, but the main character is modelled and named after the author.

Bonus, ordinary novels:

https://www.gyldendal.no/barneboeker/9-13-aar/phenomena-1-profetiens-utvalgte/p-10003080-no/

The girl main character (the main characters are twins, a girl and a boy) is canonically (although the author didn't specify it before 2022) an aroace lesbian! The first edition of book 1 came out in 2002! The years where most of what a female character was, was dreaming about having a boyfriend! Isn't that just amazing?!

https://booksfromnorway.com/books/1634-benny-goes-berserk

Not read it yet but it's a coming of age story about a gay boy, and while the other kids are figuring out themselves, he already knows and is infuriated by this.

I don't know if there's others, but Seven Seas Entertainment has a monthly survey where you can suggest stories, if enough suggest them they'll hopefully licence it.

Thank you so much! Fun fact, my wife is Norwegian, so this list is very useful to me personally as well!

For those interested:

(All the images have links attached, so I hope that works!)

[wodania]

honestly no i don’t think it’s weird at all to be upset about the exclusion of satin in the show.. if anything though as a gay guy im pretty glad they didn’t have him if loras is any indicator.. imagine them with a fairly effeminate gay coded character? no thanks 🫣

Loras was a sign of the end times 😭 I think I’ve made a joke before that if JonCon had been included he probably would’ve been written like one of those modern family dads and I feel more and more right each passing day.

Gonna rant a little (a whole shit ton like it’s really long I’m so sorry I got carried away) about gender and sexuality in ASOIAF/GoT here because I’m a lesbian and obsessed with analyzing these things :

tldr; D&D set up gender roles/rules where there weren’t previously any, and removed and added character traits as they saw fit (especially looking at feminine = gay and masculine = straight). If a character did not fit their perceived mould, such as Qarl the Maid, Jon Connington, and Satin, and could not be altered to fit that perceived mould, they were cut entirely. They also, in a possible attempt to be more relatable to a gay audience, introduced systematic religious homophobia where it was not previously, brutalizing their gay character. They wrote them as stereotypes and ignored them if they could not possible be shaped into one of their stereotypes.

GRRM obviously plays with gender roles and dynamics with his characters, yet D&D makes it so black and white. Gay people are all effeminate men. Hell, even Asha/Yara falls into this. She and her lover Qarl are a major fuck you to westerosi gender roles and expectations. He’s an effeminate man and she’s a masculine woman in a dominate powerful position. Yet he’s removed from the show. Absolutely no hate to queer “Yara”, but it is interesting in hindsight how that ended up working out. Had she been written differently, I’d argue that bisexuality compliments her character - if it weren’t for the history D&D has. When they do play with gender roles, it’s so tacky and one dimensional and ends with weird, nonsensical scenarios of female badassery with none of the development present in the books. Then, on the other hand, any vulnerability or deviance from societal expectations that male characters experience are wiped clean. Jon Snow is made into a generic fantasy hero type. Men who are seen as “weaker” or more “submissive” are brutalized on screen as torture p/rn, as shown with Theon Greyjoy. And men who are gay must be effeminate or promiscuous in one way or another. Loras deviated from that, so he had to be stripped of his defining traits and turned into fan service. Satin deviated from that even more, being a sex worker, and was stripped from the show entirely. Loras didn’t sleep with men enough, and the show writers wanted to change that. But Satin slept with men too much, and was in too close of proximity narratively and physically to fantasy hero Jon Snow. They wanted gay sex depicted in an easily digestible way for their perceived cishet audience, and found the idea of a boy selling his body to survive abysmal and not appropriate for such an audience, though they had no problem exploiting female prostitutes for the pleasure of the viewers . And in a weird attempt to be “relatable” to modern audiences, d&d introduced a self imposed barrier: homosexuality being illegal. Likely thinking that gay audiences would love to see their favourite gay Loras Tyrell brutalized and spat upon, D&D did exactly that, failing to realize that gay audiences would much rather see a queer character existing in a dark fantasy without their sexuality being what puts them in danger, compared to seeing something they already witness every day (religious-motivated violence and persecution) thrown into the show. Like it’s such an insult to the source material, especially considering that the 1990s book that hardly makes explicit references to the relationship of Loras and Renly does a better job at making them likeable, well developed characters than the “modern” 2010s tv drama. The flower crown, rainbow, cutesy edits dating back to the early days of Game of Thrones is a far cry from the depiction of politically savvy Renly and brutal and bloody Loras in the books. And the show just kind of encouraged that view of the two, as the cutesy gay boy fan service, hairless as a newborn baby and scared of blood. On the topic of JonCon, it would have been near impossible to introduce him and have him fit this set rule of “effeminate men = gay” and “masculine men = heterosexual”. JonCon is an intimidating, stone faced character who’s demeanour is hinted at being similar to that of Tywin fucking Lannister, as Tyrion almost accidentally refers to Jon as “father”. Aka, Jon is scary af. He’s older, grey, potentially dated the ugliest man in Essos who was also significantly older than him, and is also a father. Hardly a character that can be put into the set limiting roles of the show.

I’m honestly going to stop myself right here this is getting too long and I should just sit down and write an essay 💀 like genuinely I should write a paper

[enbynautolanenjoyer]

Salutations, friend! This is the headmate roundup?? Based on the poll from a while back, y’all wanted the whole gang. I wasn’t able to get everyone to write their own intros, but I think we got most of us to cooperate lmao.

Everyone is under the cut bc there’s a lot of us dweebs lmaoooo

Dee

Hello! I am Di’kut, or Dee. I’m the host of our traumagenic system, uhhh.. system name pending. I kinda set this up as simply as possible so it wouldn’t take too long for everyone to fill out haha. Nice to meet you!! I am…

20 years old

They/she

Lesbian?? Sapphic?? Idk I like women but specifically anime men are hot, too

Current song stuck in head: The Red Means I Love You

Favorite Food: pastaaaaaa

Favorite drink: chocolate milk

Other: I am super spacey. Help 😭😭😭

Dezmond

Hi. I’m Dez. Uh. God I have not fronted in quite a while. This is a trifling matter. I do not have a proper age. I am tall despite this pathetic small body. I hail from England. He/him. I am bisexual. I haven’t listened to music in a long time. I don’t really have a favorite consumable item. I’m going back to my cave now. Farewell.

Aaron

Hello, there. My name is Aaron, and I am an “introject” sourced from Criminal Minds. Please note: I am not like the actor who portrays me. Let’s see…

My age is around thirty-seven.

I go by he/him pronouns. I am cis male.

I am bisexual.

I am in a relationship with my fellow headmates, Spencer and Reginald.

I am not too tech-savvy. Forgive me for any mistakes.

Margaret

Helloooooo!! My name is Margaret! The spelling may change randomly 😭😭😭😭 You may also call me Maggie! I am British like Dezmond. 😊😊 Pleased to meet you all!!

I am around my early to mid twenties!!

She/her please!!

I am a lesbian :)

Current song… well, I don’t have one stuck in my head at the current moment! However, I do like I Like Me Better by Lauv!

Favorite food: Pringles original!

Favorite drink: water is just fine for me :)

Spencer

Hi! My name is Spencer, and I am an introject based off of Criminal Minds’ Spencer Reid. I enjoy a good puzzle.

27

He/him transmasc

Gay (Happy Pride Month, by the way!)

Current Song: What You Are in the Dark by Trails

Favorite Food: Bananas

Favorite Drink: Those Cirkul Strawberry flavor things you flavor water with

I am in a relationship with Aaron and Reginald!

Tara

Hey, there. I’m Tara, and I’m also a Criminal Minds introject. I don’t front often, but I do like to read.

30s

She/her

Bisexual

Current song: none

Favorite food: spaghetti

Favorite drink: none

Reginald

Hello. I’m Reginald, or Reggie. I am the combination of two introjects who manifested into one unit. I am in a relationship with my dear Spencer and Aaron. It is nice to meet you all, but I’m afraid I dislike fronting. It will likely be a while until I return. Please have a good day.

BIRCH

HEYYYYYY!!!!! IM BIRCH!!! Nice to make yalls acquaintance! I go by she/her usually but I hardly understand myself half the time so feel free to refer to me however???? LMAO

Noel

Heyyy. My name is Noel as you’ve just read. I’m kinda the big sibling round these parts. Fancy meeting you here.

I don’t really have an age. I guess I kinda look like I’m in my late teens, early twenties? Adult ish I suppose. =w=

I go by whatever pronouns. I’m the kinda person that sorta looks female enough but not quite one y’know? Pieck Finger from AOT is my viiiibe. Love her.

No clue on my orientation tbh. I’m here and I’m queer.

Current song: I’m dying in your arms tonight~

Favorite food: gummy bears ✨✨

Favorite drink: strawberry milk 👍

I existed long before we ever watched AOT, but maybe gonna feel cute and restructure my entire existence around Pieck. Feeling a little raggedy girly pop like that 🫣

Anya

Tried getting Anya to type her’s out, but it was so unnatural KSKDDDJ So, hello, it’s me, Dee. Anya is an introject from Spy x Family. She’s the little, so she probably won’t be on much! She loves Nutella, she wanted you all to know that.

Deziray

It’s Dee again!! Deziray is an odd case. We know almost nothing about them. They’re kinda spooky?? 💀💀💀 They probably won’t ever come on, either.

Justice 😎😎😎

Heyyy wassup girlies and gays? My name is Justice, and I’m from Helltaker. I like to chill and have a good time~

I’m pretty old ig? Lol

She/her

Lesbian

Current song: Eye of the Tiger 🐯✨✨

Favorite food: pancakes, or waffles!

Favorite drink: extremely sweetened coffee. Mostly creamer t b h.

Guzma

ITS YA BOI GUZMA!!! HAHAHAAA! WHATS UUUUUUUP

Im from Pokémon. I’ve probably kicked your ass once or twice heh

I’m like 26 prolly

He/him but not cis I ain’t default

Uh. People are hot ig idk what am I gay

GlitchXCity’s entire discography is A tier stuff my dudes.

I ain’t no goofy goober who has a favorite food what am I gay

K I like smoothies tho they chill

Muichiro

Hi. I’m Mui. I’m from Demon Slayer, and this last episode that came out was very embarrassing. They did not need to expose my paper airplanes like that.

I’m a bit older than my source. I’m actually like 18-20, at least it feels like it. Maybe.

He/him please. Maybe they/them?

I don’t know my orientation.

Can You Feel My Heaaaart *angsty noisessss*

I do enjoy like.. those Lunchables? With the extremely processed ham and crackers? Those are the shit.

Choccy milk is very good. It’s the ol reliable of this system I think haha

I want a cat. I’ll name it Kyo. Short for Kyojuro. Cats are like the owls of mammals, right?

Dixie

Hey, it’s Dee again! Dixie asked me to fill her’s out for her!

18 or 24 specifically.

She/her

Panromantic asexual

Current Song stuck in her head: Summertime Sadness

Favorite Food: cheese pizza

Favorite Drink: coffee with moderate vanilla creamer

Sunny

Um yea hi. So I’m Sunny from OMORI. Kind depressin innit

Uh I’m 16 so don’t be weird

He/him

Straight as far as I know

Current song is the White Space theme which should be obvious

I like ramen

I also like choccy milk

Please don’t ask me about Basil we do not like Basil in this house.

Mari

Good evening, my lovelies~! I’m Mari, from OMORI! Nice to meet all of you!

I am 19~

She/her but he/him on full moons~ haha jk just he/him on occasion~

I am straight!

Never Wanted to Dance~

Cotton candy if that counts~!

Jumping on the chocolate milk bandwagon~!

^w^

Aaaaaalrighty! That’s all of us! Sorta?? Thank you for reading, and there’s the “rest” of us who may or may not exist…

Aaravos

Eren

Mikasa

Kobeni

Ena

[gaypolls]

the recent attraction poll about bodily traits and presentation (april 1) feels inappropriate. for example, the way it exclusively lists choices like lesbians being attracted to “female” bodily features, with that being pretty much the only specific choice. no such thing as a standard “female body feature” in the end, and having the ones cis people define is not inherent to lesbianism. feminine presentation is not even a standard trait, masculinity is a big part of the community. so are trans women, who inhabit the whole spectrum of presentation and bodies, and are loved for it.

same, with the respective terms, for gay men / femininity and community.

the context of having the poll options be either “binary presentation / cis-looking body” or “it generally matters / meh doesn’t matter” (and nothing else) being the default definers for gay attraction especially feels weird asf and “othering” of prevalent parts of the communities, enhanced by “meh” as a catch-all for attraction that is not binary. it highlights transphobes thinking. that kind of thing is especially inviting to the terfs on this site, who love to talk about female body parts as a gold standard for lesbian attraction and validity.

surveying what people gravitate towards for fun is one thing but doing it with highly binary and skewed options in this way is uncomfortable and invites transphobes. i understand that mods also run a transgender poll blog and i trust they will identify this kind of bias in polls going forward. i hope this poll is stopped circulating. thanks

yeah no offense but that's why "masculine" and "feminine" are in quotations in the options, and why the clarification at the bottom is there. like i am genuinely aware of all of this. it's just also really not that deep. you wouldn't call yourself a gay man or a lesbian if you didn't have some idea in your mind of what a man's body or a woman's body - or a male presentation/female presentation - looks like. that doesn't mean it needs to be cis-centric, but if you didn't have a concept of it personally, you wouldn't have an exclusive sexuality to begin with.

i also did genuinely go back and forth between how to word those options for over an hour lol. none of it is ideal or truly properly nuanced, i guess, but there simply has to be some shorthand to fit the character limit on poll options

[karrenseely]

Wait... I'm what?!

Sexuality is confusing as all get out to a trans kid. When I was a teenage girl and everyone insisted I was a teenage boy, I was extremely confused about my sexuality. Partly this is because I believed the gaslighting telling me I was a boy w/ shameful perverted thoughts. But also because part of me knew I was a girl. I was attracted to girls at the time, I think. However, this brings up the other issue, not having experienced attraction before, I couldn't tell if I was interested in other girls because I wanted a relationship or if I just really wished I was them. A quintessential trans issue.

I didn't have much interest in boys, though I did have fantasies about one of my friends, and even dreamed I was in a relationship with him. It was very confusing, I wasn't sure at first if it meant I was gay or straight if I was into a boy, and all these girls.

Later as I understood more thoroughly I was a girl, I realized, if I was going to have a relationship with a girl then it meant I would be a lesbian. This was also used to shame me, as something bad or perverted by my first therapist, adding to the confusion and self hatred. I really didn't know what was going on.

Now add to this, that I was asexual, I didn't even know that was a thing at the time. So all my fantasies? None of them involved sex, at all. I would think someone was pretty, or handsome. I had crushes on male movie stars at the time, Patrick Swayze, and Tom Cruise come to mind (I thought of them as safe, as I was never going to meet them). But again no sexual fantasies. My friends, who were all male (because I was terrified if I had female friends people would figure out my horrible secret of being a girl) would talk about sex a lot. I mean a lot. As would others at school. I never understood why. But having already been pretending to be a boy for years, I would respond with sexual innuendos and desires when I was queried about it and who I'd like to have a relationship with.

And because sex wasn't important to me, I only thought about it seriously in relation to me now and then. And after continuing to find it confusing, would decide I can try to figure that out better after transition. So I would just put it off. However, because I needed to continue to pretend to be a boy, at some point it was expected that I would have a girlfriend, so either a girl asked me or asked her, I don't remember which, probably the former, and I started dating her.

Ironically, this was part of the best year of my k-12 school life. With dating her, I had a group of friends I could hang out with, and I did actually have some fun that year, despite all the internal pain/dysphoria. One of the girls in the group though, could tell I didn't love my girlfriend that way, I suspect so did my girlfriend. And that person asked me if I loved her. I said no. To this day, I wish I'd said no, not in the way you mean. Because I cared about my girlfriend, but not romantically or sexually. And all through this I hated being in a relationship. I didn't specifically hate her, as noted above I cared for her. No I hated it, because I felt like I was the worst kind of liar. I was a girl, and everyone saw me as a boy. I was terrified of being discovered, but at the same time I hated the lying. It tore me up.

Transphobes never get it. They think we're lying after we transition, but to those of us who are trans, it feels like we're constantly lying before we come out, much less transition, as we try to pretend to be what everyone wants us to be. A lot of the transphobes arguments are like that. I think it's because they see us as our assigned birth sex, rather than the gender we've always been. But I digress.

So yes, I remained thoroughly confused about my sexuality. After I started living full time as myself, I explored dating, first with a boy. He was amazing, and very sweet. I met him on the bus. He asked me out and I said yes. We went on a few dates. But I never felt anything for him, and so it fizzled. I never kissed him, and he never asked or insisted. Like I said, he was very sweet. Whomever he ended up with is a very lucky girl. But given I had no feelings for him, and struggled with the idea of kissing him. I came to the conclusion I wasn't straight. And if I wasn't straight, then that meant I was a lesbian. And I came to terms with it and it became part of my identity.

However, I still didn't understand everyone's obsession with sex. The whole thing was a mystery. Through this time in college, I would develop crushes on my friends, as I got to know them. Which was painful, because only one seemed interested back, thankfully in a platonic way. I had trouble developing romantic feelings for anyone that I wasn't already friends with. This added to my distress around romance/sex because all my friends were dating left and right and having relationships with people they didn't know before and obviously had feelings for them. And I didn't work that way, and it sucked. I never did figure out how to navigate that side of things. Though at least now, I'm aware of it and why. I don't feel quite like the freak I did before I understood this part of me a little better.

Ironically, long before I understood what asexuality was, I realized I was not going to be able to satisfy my future partner's sexual needs, and if I loved them then they would need those needs met. And thus explored polyamory. I had trouble with the concept, until one day I realized that love is not pie, there isn't a limit for myself or my partners. Also how we love each individual feels different from every other individual. As such, we aren't replacing anyone by loving more than one person. This and realizing it is about trust and communication brought me into polyamory with a feeling of being comfortable with it.

Several times I found myself in very close friendships, and they were good, but I was convinced that these friends didn't love me, because they didn't want to have sex or a physical relationship with me. Not that I wanted to have sex, but as I understood it, romantic relationships had to have sex/physical relationship. And so I yearned, even though these relationships were pretty much what I needed. I'd never heard of asexuality, much less had it modeled for me.

In fact the first truly unconditionally loving relationship that was modeled for me and I was able to understand the message (others had been modeled for me, but I couldn't hear the message) was in my 30's in med school, by a friend who was in a wonderful loving relationship with the man she loved, and who loved her just as deeply.

That was the first hint to me, that thinking relationships were only real if they involved physical/sexual contact was wrong. But I still didn't quite understand what I was seeing. Their relationship was forced to be long distance by world circumstances for most of that year. But their love for each other was obvious, as was the fact that they wanted each other to be happy. But in watching them, I knew that was the kind of love I wanted to have.

Eventually, I did hear the term asexuality, but didn't really look into it. And for some odd inexplicable reason, didn't think it applied to me. It wasn't until I saw Laci Green's video on asexuality awareness, that it finally clicked. I was in my early 40's by then. And it clicked hard. Suddenly I understood that all those super close friendships I'd had in the past were actually relationships, and why it always felt like a break up when they ended. Because it was. I felt very sad, that I didn't understand these were my partner relationships at the time.

Despite that, I still get confused about my relationship now. Because I still have a hard time talking about it. Only in the past year have I started to explore the gradations of asexuality, and trying to understand where I fit on the spectrum and how that applies to my past and current relationships. And I've learned a few things.

I am not interested in sex, which I already knew, but I do want and need some contact, mostly this involves casual touching in a nonsexual way and hugs. Cuddling or a chaste kiss at most. And that's generally all that my fantasies consist of. However, I have also started exploring my body, working past the shame of my religious upbringing, and found I do like to masturbate. Though I don't have a strong need for it. But it does feel nice, and it's cool, if really late, that I've discovered that and that it's ok for an asexual person to like it, even though I'm not interested in sex with anyone.

It's been a long hard slow journey in figuring this out. I suspect it was made harder by my puritan/baptist upbringing and the associated shame and self hatred around sex. in the last few months, I've begun to wonder if part of my aversion to men, is that I'm scared of them. I don't really know why. But yes, there is a part of me that is scared of men. And so, trying to figure things out continues for me. And hopefully, I'll figure this aspect out and how it applies to my sexuality in time as well, hopefully it won't be decades from now.

So yes, when your assigned sex and gender don't match there is going to be a lot of confusion, if you're one of the much less talked about or even acknowledged sexualities, then it's going to be even more confusing. It's hard to know what you are if you don't know such a thing is possible. This was true for being trans, I thought I was alone and their were no words for what I was, until I learned about transgender people. And the same holds true for sexuality. Life is weird and confusing, and it's made harder when we don't, as a society, talk about all the ways it presents in a positive and affirming way.

[bumblyburg]

ted lasso finale thoughts

Need the richmond women's team spinoff NOW!!!!!!!!!!! And it better have LESBIANS i swear to god!!!!!!!

As always the strongest part of this ep was the team dynamics. Roy joining the diamond dogs. Isaac with the penalty kick!!!! The fucking dance sequence callback T^T theres no place like afc richmond <3 Them winning the match but losing the whole thing was a good balance of success vs realism. I didn't know enough about football to predict it beforehand LOL but that probably worked in my favor bc i genuinely didnt know whether they would win or lose. Rebecca and ted's friendship was heartwarming as always. I was living in fear that they'd become a couple even though i knew that wasn't what the writers were going for, so I probably need to rewatch to fully enjoy it.

Tedependent lost RIP. it would have made sense but at the same time im kinda glad they didn't, at least this season. trent was still very much a side character and i just don't think the story beats were there for tedtrent endgame. the story would have had to been constructed differently, or it would need another season. I also liked how the main focus was ted & rebecca's friendship rather than either of their romantic relationships. I love a good romance but its not what this story is about.

Thats part of the reason why the dutchman return felt cheap to me lol. Sorry rebecca im always rooting for you but i just wasn't feeling it. Another part of that is probably because Ted and Trent had a much stronger foundation and we still didn't get to see even their friendship develop as much as i would have liked. Maybe ive been spoiled by all the trent this season idk. but i was just hoping for a little more. After all, it's not lost on me that we only got one confirmed gay couple at the end (we don't even know anything about Michael!!! Ugh sorry Im a michael hater he's so boring.)

Speaking of boring, I simply do not care about ted's family. So him moving back was... not really compelling for me. like none of the kansas characters are fleshed out at all. i wish they had done something more interesting with them so i could actually get invested. There was something there with michelle dating their couples therapist, but it ended up falling flat imo. Also Michelle being a teacher is a total copout, I would have preferred if she had an unexpected job that revealed a new side to her. Give her a personality outside of being a wife/mother/caretaker please and thank you.

I did like how Royjamie was left openended!!! thats the ship i care most abt and i knew it wasnt going to *actually* happen so im satisfied with what we got. I am in the (im assuming) minority of royjamie enjoyers that is against roykeeleyjamie. This episode really hammered it in why roy and jamie are not good for keeley LOL, but the signs have been there all along. Keeley needs to be her own boss for a bit! Roy and jamie are just not at her maturity level (lovingly), and they've got some misogyny to work through.

(I need to think on it more, but I'm pretty sure that I liked the way this episode/season handled the Roy And Jamie Are Lowkey Sexist subplot. Like the whole fighting over a woman thing is soooo trite atp, and i still dont know how i feel about them physically fighting over her or whatever. but the story was realistic about how these asshole male footballers are going to have some weird views about women, while still shutting that down those views. like not even giving them the time of day. Keeley literally shoos them out without a word LMAO. So idk need to think about it more but at least keeley didnt end up with either of them).

Hey you know who DOES deserve each other.... and makes each other better people, as represented by their football training arc.... the student is the teacher and the teacher is the student etc etc…… Anyways royjamie is real TO ME!!! (And brett goldstein and phil dunster, number one royjamie warriors. phil dunster wrote royjamie smut I will never get over that)

Overall im sad to see ted lasso go. i think i need to sit with all 3 seasons a bit more before forming my full opinion, but s1 will always have my heart. Mostly because evil jamie and evil rebecca are so so fun to watch.

[redheadbigshoes]

I don't understand why non-lesbians are losing it when they see lesbians blaming their attraction toward men on comphet and want us to say "just admit you're bisexual!" like, no. It none of their business if lesbians likes to blame their attraction for men on comphet. All it matters is that we can choose labels as long as we know how to CORRECTLY use them and understand where these labels came from. For example, I'm a lesbian who is only into women and want no involvement with men anymore. If the thoughts on me finding a guy attractive occurs again, it should be my choice to blame it on comphet or I can come out again as bisexual - only if *I* want to. My choice. What are your thoughts on this though, I like to read your opinion on what you think about women blaming their attraction for men on comphet. (also feel free to agree or disagree).

I’m gonna first address non-lesbians being pressed about lesbians and comphet:

I think some of them act so defensively and invalidate lesbians because they’re afraid to leave comfort zones. Questioning your sexuality is leaving your comfort zone. Even if in the end they still figure out they’re bi, the mere thought of not being sure of your identity and other people making you question that is uncomfortable.

Not to mention some of them also have a victim complex and main character syndrome. Just notice how a lot of them will always call lesbians [insert phobic] just because they don’t agree with them, or like they love to insert themselves on subjects that are not about them.

And the last reason I believe they act like that is because a lot of lesbians don’t really talk about comphet in a correct way. I’ve seen a lot of lesbians calling bisexuals “lesbians” and say their attraction to men isn’t real and that it is actually comphet. I do recognize a lot of lesbians use comphet to invalidate bi sapphics, and I think that could be one of the reasons why whenever the subject is comphet a lot of them get so defensive.

About the other part:

I think it’s not really correct “lesbians who want to blame their attraction on comphet”, idk if it was just the way you worded it, but people who’re genuinely attracted to men don’t struggle with comphet, comphet is about false attraction to men so if the attraction is real and genuine the person is probably bi.

Attraction ≠ finding people attractive. Lesbians can absolutely find guys attractive while not being attracted to them. Just like gays can find women attractive, straight women can find women attractive, and straight men can find other men attractive.

I think comphet has been wildly talked about and some people end up mistaking comphet with real attraction. Not everything is comphet. Being attracted only to fictional male characters or celebrities isn’t necessarily a sign that you’re a lesbian.

My opinion is that I find very sus lesbians who’re still very comfortable saying how they’d have sex with men (unattainable ones) or anything like that, because if you’ve already figured out you’re not into men what usually happens is that those ideas and imaginations will go away, if they didn’t go away maybe the person is actually attracted to men but really just have very high standards or other internalized issues.

Sexuality isn’t a choice and a lot of people treat it like it is. One thing is to genuinely think you’re a lesbian (for example) and then figure out you were wrong and you’re actually attracted to men. But using a label that excludes men while fully knowing your feelings towards them but just because you’re choosing to not engage with men in a sexual/romantic way is the reason why you still choose to use the lesbian label, that’s shitty and that’s disrespectful to actual lesbians.

*Now rereading everything you said I don’t know if I can fully trust you, but considering I spent some time writing this response I’m gonna post it anyway.