#also fuck OFF that whole speech is so romantic actually?? it's one thing reading the words or hearing fragments in amvs

[fuckspn]

i have nothing funny or clever or insightful to say. cas told dean he loved him and then he died.

[blkgirl-writing]

I love your touch starved Gale so much 😭❤️ honestly it's so tender and yum haha

Do you have an A-Z/Alphabet NSFW thing for Gale??? 🙏

I do now!!! I totally forgot abut Alphabet stuff, if ya'll want one for every character let me know, I'm working on Astarion right now!

Gale Dekarios NSFW alphabet (x reader)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Gale is kind and caring, he will always make sure you get what you need before he really relaxes. Sex isn't over for him until you're taken care of, aftercare is a part of the sexual experience to him.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Creampie every time, though after eating you out he has stopped to cum on your thighs.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not that much of a secret since anyone who looked at his underwear knows, it's self jerk off underwear. Honestly I think he's used them during battle when you look extra hot. Trying really hard not to show that he's pleasuring himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Gale is fairly experenced, having a few mortal hookups/relationships and obviously a long fling with Mystra that left him a bit sexually traumatized (and generally very traumatized). He's had enough sex to know what he wants but still open to try new things.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Side fucking is his favorite for sure, it's easy to get away with while camping with the others as well. Also plowing you from behind while you lay on your stomach is a favorite, as he can kiss your neck or hold down your waist.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Very serious. Once he gets in that mood there's no getting him out of it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He's trimmed for your pleasure, otherwise he'd definitely just forget.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Gale is a great mix of romantic, passionate, and filthy. Everything does hand in hand very well, he can absolutely run a train through you in astral protections with gangbanging you with literally just clones of himself, but he will still whisper sweet and romantic things, still check if you need to stop or if anything is too much.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Gale cry jerks like all the time lmao. Guilty masturbation is something he has mastered. Thinking about you before you get sexually involved? he will feel guilty.

How he jerks off is two different ways. The only way he can really cum is by grinding on something, his hand, the bed, his enchanted underwear, etc... But he doesn't need to cum. So he also jerks off with his hand behind the rocks near the beach in act 1s camp.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

This is gonna be a hear-me-out kind of situation.

Semi public sex kink. in front of windows, on balconies, middle of the forrest, etc.

lil bit of a jealousy thing, leaves hickies on your neck to show that ya'll fuck good.

he wouldn't do anything to harm you, so anything thats too 'harsh" is a no no for Gale.

thigh fucking kink?

sweaty kink?? cause battling? that whole speech was one of the most sexually charged things I have read.

lil bit of a breeding kink, not with actually getting pregnant, but definitely the deep creampies and keeping his cum in you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Gale cannot WAIT to fuck you in every single inch of his tower. Whenever he pictures fucking you, he pictures you in his home. It's kinda romantic.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Honestly, any glance at you will get him going. Like an instant hard on. If he looks at you too long, boner. if he looks at your thighs or butt? Boner. Slightly low cut top? Boner. Battling? Boner.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He would never do anything to hurt you, the most he'd do is wax play.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Giving. This man GIVES. He fucks to serve. He wants your pleasure, he doesn't cum til you do, no matter what. If that means he won't cum, then he won't cum. If he could spend all day between your legs he would.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Sensual but fast and hard. This man pounds.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He hadn't ever been able to not last a while before you, now, he can actually do quickies, which infatuates him for a while so you have a lot of quickies for a time. But usually everything lasts an hour or so.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Gale is down to try just about anything you'd want, but he definitely already knows what he likes most.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Shockingly he can go for awhile. He will need to just lay for a while because he definitely isn't made for long sessions, he just ignores his knee and back pain for you until he absolutely can't.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

We all know he will, can, and has used magic hand during sex. Does copies of him count as toys as well?

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Gale isn't one to tease much. Verbally, sometimes, yes, telling you how hot you are, how good you look, etc, while having no time to slip away to fuck.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I feel like Mystra wanted him silent, so he's working on getting more vocal during sex. But he doesn't moan loudly, sometimes whimpers or gasps.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Gale absolutely reads smut. We know this kinda from his diagram books basically, but I think he has a whole bookshelf dedicated to smut. His favorite being wlw.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Said this before but honestly? I watched something and that dick that was shown just screamed Gale to me, so I'm revising my HC and saying Gale is 7 inches, girthy, and curved upwards and slightly to the left, it absolutely fucks. Like tied with best dick of the group, tied with Wyll and his ribbed cock.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Gales sex drive is very dependant on you. If he's thinking about you or around you? very high. On his own? slightly above average.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends. After a long fuck, literally instantly after he checks to see if you need anything. after astral fucking he feels energized, after a quickie he feels a bit tired but fine overall.

-

-

@shyminnie07 @makers-breath @claryvoyantfray @black-sapphic @fapqueen

(Consider supporting me on Ko-fi)

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

I love your nuanced takes. They are always a joy to read.

I'd be curious which songs, beatles or solo, do you think they wrote for/about each other and their situation (beatles&solo).

You don't have to go into great detail on them if you don't wanna.

Hope you have a great day. <3

Hi anon :) Glad you enjoy my takes! Hope you have a great day too <3

Preface that while I think this is fun, I really don't generally think songs are a good vehicle to extrapolate about the real life of these people. So, I try not to base my analyses of them as people on these songs, even the ones I feel more strongly about.

I'll categorize these by how certain I am about them (and I'll leave out confirmed stuff like Too Many People, Early 1970, How Do You Sleep?, Run of the Mill, Here Today etc.)

If you have a question re: why some specific song is in this category and not the other I can try to explain, though some of it is admittedly just vibes (and since I try to separate this from the Main Analysis™, I feel okay utilizing the vibes as a justification at times lol) If I left a song off you'd like my take on feel free to ask as well.

Close to positive:

Day Tripper is imho at least partially about Paul. This one feels so obvious to me, given what John said about it and the timeline (written squarely before Paul took LSD, conveniently after the whole LA fiasco), yet I rarely see people talking about it. Sad! It could also be partially about Cynthia.

Tug of War: Paul said it was about John in 1982 but then retconned that. IDK why he did that but. Come on!

I Know (I Know): I nearly put this one a tier lower but the I've Got A Feeling intro and the way it fits in the timeline. The Getting Better reference. It matching up with Paul's description of them tripping together + "share in each other's mind". It's too much.

A compelling case can be made:

In My Life: it makes a lot of sense. But Paul isn't the only likely muse IMO. he might be the most likely one, I'm not sure. I Know (I Know) makes me tend more to it though, admittedly.

3 Legs: yeah. Probably! It's not entirely clear to me what he's expressing outside a feeling of betrayal though.

Oh! Darling: Likely about John, but perhaps actually about the band as a whole.

The Answer's at the End: the way George quoted that same saying when asked about Paul in that live chat… THE IMPLICATIONS! (at least that maybe George came to associate the song with Paul later on?)

Remember: I tend to think this song is specifically about running away from the Beatles. There's more sadness in it, given John references Bring It On Home in the lyrics.

Who Can See It: this one also appears to be about George's general relationship with the Beatles. I don't think this is a hot take but no one talks about this song lol. I love it!

Cafe On The Left Bank: the song referencing Charles de Gaulle making a speech does place this quite firmly in the 60s. It's not really a love song though so I don't get why people consider this one such a win lol. It seems to mostly be about the city of Paris itself.

I like to think it's true but am admittedly not sure:

Call Me Back Again: it's a vague song, really. But damn… those mellotron flutes.

#9 Dream: IDK. this versus "The dream is over". the production-style. I like reading this song as a reconciliation with The Beatles as a concept.

Little Lamb Dragonfly: the whole being haunted by the dragonfly even though you're trying to move on thing :/

No Words: COME ON??????? but the Denny writing credit does puzzle me lol.

Crippled Inside: it would be soooooo devastating @ Paul!!! (probably only partially, possibly also self-directed)

Could have been inspired by the other but not necessarily in the way people think:

Some People Never Know: I do think Paul felt John was cynical in the way he's describing in this song. (I don't really think I Know (I Know) is a response to this song btw)

Silly Love Songs: ditto. He is Not fucking saying "I love you" (romantically) to John in the song he's duetting with his wife lol. but it could be a cheeky lil nod.

We Can Work It Out: I believe Paul when he says this was written about a fight he'd had with Jane. But Paul was also in conflict with John at the time (again, the LSD thing), thus I think that might have in some way informed his outlook when writing this. And John may have been thinking about their conflict while writing his part.

Let Me Roll It: it sounds a lot like John, yeah! but idk about the lyrics.

Look At Me: it could be about Paul, but it could be about the whole world, really. It's more a wish to be seen and understood really.

Dear Boy: I'm annoyed by people insisting Paul is lying when he says the inspiration is Linda's ex-husband. She's co-credited (and she actually isn't credited on every Ram song. I don't think the credit was "handed" to her, at least not at this point in time)! That being said, Paul may have bonded with Linda over feeling unappreciated in their previous life situations.

Yvonne's The One: Look. I think John's death really shifted how Paul felt about telling people he loved them. That may well have influenced the lyrics song. I don't think it's necessarily that literal.

However Absurd: ditto. This song is even more abstract so it feels even less literal.

?????? Who Knows

If I Fell: usually I think no it couldn't possibly. But– (And I don't find that Valentines card very compelling, no. but it's just like: well then who else would this song John called very personal about? I guess, for all I know, it could even be Brian. wow!)

Girl: I mean. Maybe! Sort of. They also said at the time it was about religion, and that makes a lot of sense, but it could still be that the character of the girl was inspired by how John felt about Paul at the time.

I'm So Tired: it seems equally likely to be about Yoko to me.

Don't Let Me Down: ditto. Actually. this one's more likely Just about Yoko tbh.

I'm Losing You: maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe. but also. Yoko.

Now And Then: genuinely who knows. this one's admittedly stranger for Yoko but… they did "interrupt" their relationship often, requiring to "start again". Also May is an option.

The Pound Is Sinking: Mostly, I don't know how straightforward it is.

Honestly… Not really

(Just Like) Starting Over: the "My Love", "Another Day", "Wings" thing has never compelled me, based on those being OLD songs by 1980, plus none of the phrasing or word choice is particularly conspicuous to me. But I also don't feel very strongly that it's not about Paul. It could be, though I don't know that I'd assume it was meant as a direct declaration of love then. Also the line before being a reference to Through The Looking Glass is neither here nor there. Since when is John Lennon dropping Lewis Caroll references only reserved for Paul? that feels like putting the cart before the horse, based on one single lyric in Glass Onion.

I've Got A Feeling: I think he's just saying words here, tbh.

Real Love: if it's about Paul that's fucking depressing. But I don't think it is really.

[lazzarella]

Not sure if I should keep posting these Wandee Goodday notes, but I guess we're in the home stretch now, so I may as well...

- So glad they showed us what happened with Taem and Ohm!!!

- "Is it that obvious?" Mate, you can see it from outer space lmaoooo

- Awww, Taem! She's a good egg. She really seems happy for Yak. Not sure if her saying 'don't be the person who realises their feelings too late' relates to her or not? I still find it super hard to read her lol

- Okay, look, I get that Yak was worried about Taem but if he read Dee's texts why didn't he reply??? He just wanted to make that dramatic entrance haa

- Another lovely dance metaphor that I'm too tired to transcribe!

- They won the dancing!

- Omg the cuff on Yokee's/Dr Aphichat's shirt!!!! I NEED TO SEE THE WHOLE THING!

- Boooo! Rewardus interruptus!

- Oh, fuck OFF Ter! Bloody hell, he's like a bad penny

- Another punch! Could've done with a satisfying sound effect but still

- Dr Dee. Is. My. Boyfriend <3333

- Ooh, I love the way Dee's fingers catch on Yak's as he reluctantly lets go, vs how he yanks his hand away from Ter! Love little details like that

- That whole speech from Yak is a major, or whatever, green flag for me was just... It was everything!!! And thanking Yak for coming into his life???? Fuuuuuuuck. So good!

- Like, to find someone who you don't feel lesser than around, to find someone who is your peace of mind, who you love who you are with them... That's the goal right there

- And I am so glad Dee said all of that to Ter with Yak there beside him because they both need to hear it and Dee needed to say it and I love Dee so much

- Did you hurt your hand punching him? :3333

- LMAO at Yak inspecting Dee's face to make sure Ter didn't kiss him 🤣

- OMFG THEY ACTUALLY PUT A TIMER UP FOR THEIR KISS I'M DYINGGGGGG

- And we got another kiss!! YAY!

- ...what... why... Why is Kao shirtless with tape over his nipples?! What is happening? Lmao

- Noooooooo! Not more technical issues! WHY, GOD, WHYYYYY?

- Okay, we're good!

- THEY DIDN'T WEAR THE MERMEN TAILS????? Arghhhhhhh >:(

- "Don't skip steps" awww, Dee! I mean, I do think Yak has been pretty flirty this whole time, but sometimes someone wants a formal flirting stage, I guess. And Dee is a romantic. And a big tease ;D

- I love that wooing Dee and not having sex until they're proper boyfriends was all Yak's idea. He has no one but himself to blame haha

- Dee's pastel striped shirt is cute!

- More domesticity! Yay!

- I love when they clink their cutlery before eating :3

- Okay, Dee is SO teasing Yak with the flower every day and so on thing. He has his teasing voice on lol I love him

- BIKE RIDE!

- wow that was a quick montage! I was kind of hoping to see more of their little trip, but I think it works not dragging this out, even if I wanted to see them camping...

- Oh, it was SO obvious Dee saying 'enough' in the preview was going to be linked to the 'if I love you it's for you' and so on. I enjoy being right :)

- Also, it's interesting that Yak still felt like he needed to be like Ter to win Dee over after everything Dee said after the ball

- "I just want to do things that are me now" YEAH!

- "This is the Yoryak that I like..." Ahhh, Dee, you have issues with having feelings and I love you <333

- This date is SO much cuter! Yak is just at ease and Dee is so fond <333

- Tut tut, Dr Dee, trying to get Dr Kao to break patient confidentiality!

- Omg, I LOVE whiny and pleading Yak so much!!!! He's sooooo cute! I have no idea how Dee ever holds his ground for one second lmao

- Wow, okay, was that a really abrupt cut from Yak pouting to Yei getting beaten up or just me??

- Yei just putting his head in Cher's lap and holding his hand though... Ahhhhhh

- I do like watching Yak train 😏

- oh, what does the swiping your thumb across your nose gesture mean?? I've seen it a few times in Thai BLs/movies?? I think I get it from context but not enough to really put into words lol

- Daddy's home! I am finding the differences in Yak and Yei's reactions intriguing! I was NOT expecting Yak to be pleased to see his dad, so this is an interesting development

- Oh!!! Yellow is their mum's birthday colour! Ah, my heart!!!

- Sidenote, I looked up my birthday colour and it's green and that bloody colour haunts me (it's the colour of my birthstone too)

- Dee holding Yak during the nightmare... Omg, so much is happening in this ep!!!

- That pool scene is so cute! I love Dee being all cute and silly with Yak :D

- "When I've found what I like, why bother looking for something else?" Oooh, you smooth talker, you

- (Also that's me visiting any restaurant for a second time and getting the same dish lol)

- LMAO the dick plushie is in bed with them!!!

- And lol @ Yak asking for sex when it was his rule!! He played himself there!

- "You're my peace of mind" their relationship is so lovely! They're so compatible!!

- boxing blah blah whatever

- WHO IS THE NAZGÛL DUDE???

- I wonder if it's going to like... Be Yak himself under there?

- Awww, Dee broke through <333

- Yak and Dee smiling at each other after Yak won is just... I don't know if I have words left for how much I love them

- I love that Zazaki wanted to join their gym because they're like a family! He's adorable! And a little OTT

- OMG the whole end scene is just EVERYTHING!!! Yak's terrible flirting!! Carrying Dee to the couch! The whole couch scene that parallels their first night together! MORE KISSING!!!! And sexy times because ofc Dee can't keep his hands off Yak despite the rule!! AHHHHH! It just broke me and I love it!!!

Phew, okay, SO much happened in this ep, right?? Like that's not just me???

[thaliasthunder]

opinions on tsats, not in order

these are some things i liked and disliked about the book, and it has spoilers (naturally?), so beware

not gonna say i absolutely adored the way R&M managed solangelo's relationship but didnt completely despise it either

i wouldnt say Will was out of character bc... he didnt have much of a character to be out from before tsats? i just didnt really love that "i gotta fix nico" thing rick gave to him, but that got settled by the end so i really wont complain much about it

i also wouldnt compare solangelo to percabeth neither to praise or criticize it bc it's not like i think percabeth's dynamic is flawless and perfect either 🤷🏻‍♀️

percy's "oh nico, i'm sorry" PERSEUS SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU'RE 5 YEARS LATE 😭

the "invisible string" and "[worlds/planets] orbiting each other" theme/trope they gave to solangelo made me emotional, and i accept it as canon. *plays invisible string by ts and satellite by hs*

my goodness what a relieve it was to me to finally read nico CRYING. good for him

i expected will's plague power to be more, hum, intense? either way i still think will having plague powers at all is a victory

dont know what i feel w will canonically having trouble w nico being a murderer bc thats actually one of the things i love about him 😭? i feel like if he ever discovers nico killed that bryce dude he'll pass out or something. boy ur bf is a son of hades, his legacy is death, what did u expect from him?

"nico blushed" "nico gave a sly smile" "nico's mischevious smile" wow i need to sit down for a moment and just *weeps*

nico trying to talk his way out of trouble, sneaky lil shit <3

canon silly nico in mid dangerous situations is back !!! <3333

i dont feel completely comfortable w the idea of nico's coming out being that public by making a whole speech to the entire camp but thats probably just me projecting my trauma and anxiety, idk. either way i think a more intimate coming out would've feel more personal, but still i understand that R&M wanted to give him an all-free-off-chains life in camp making it known by everyone in an only kick

"i got the message loud and clear: don't say that. don't feel that. don't even think that" IT BURNED ME INSIDE. i loved it

the ounces of nico still acting like a 10 year old child? like when he called nemesis cool? he warms my heart

i think gorgyra's my favorite character

some of the bitchy comments nico held back were funny. i know they didnt symbolize anything good in their relationship but they were funny. "no. you couldnt", "no one's asking you to"? i officially proclaim myself a bitchy!nico apologist

either way i still can acknowledge nico was a lil bit harsh to will having the literal worst time of his life in the underworld like 😭, bro he's literally a child of the SUN having a trip in HELL, give him a break 😭

the part where nico drop to his knees in front of nyx's home? poetic cinema

the screaming at trees in the woods moment felt really intimate and heartwarming for me. i approve

i did not like their on screen first kiss to be so casual and simple, i was expecting more emotion and angst; and god i definitely disliked that their first real kiss was literally right after nico discovered jason DIED. a person has enough volatile feelings to deal with when a loved one dies for new romantic stuff to happen. nico was in a vulnerable state and deserved time to mourn. instead of that being their first kiss i would've been fine to show will supporting nico in that traumatic event? i would've also deepen their relationship

"'i love you' and the fell" that was poetic and girl? it'll ROCK in fanarts i'll be waiting for them

the whole speech of "it was the son of apollo falling for a son of hades. it was this"? okay wow, beware shakespeare, they went strong in this

nico preparing a picnic for will?? another peek of my boy being a canon ROMANTIC. he makes me physically ill

i liked that they didnt try to write around or romantize the way some male gods actually behaved in the myths? like persephone recognizing hades kidnapped her and letting Will (and the reader) clear that he should never permit anyone forcing him into anything, bc i remember i disliked the way poseidon was painted as the best guy in pjo w medusa's part just for being the protagonist's father (and yeah that was a children's book but well so is tsats and they finally got that right)

since hoo i've got a soft spot for nico finding comfort in the darkness of the underworld, so reading nico seeing his father's realm as his home again gave me a cozy feeling every single time <3

it was nice to see persephone seeing nico in a good light. i always thought the concept of those two getting along well had so much potential and tbh i hope they explore it more in the future

nico having persephone's garden as his favorite place in the underworld??? i crave FANARTS

it kinda infuriated me nico reproaching will for making amphitemis go away bc it was the first baddass moment will got in the entire book in my eyes and nico deciding to go like WhY diD u dO thAt? cOulD'vE hElpEd hIm. baby? shut the fuck up

I WON

"enough of your bisexual chaos" really cant decide if i loved or hated this right now

tbh i hoped amphitemis to have a more important role

i actually like the idea of nico having a bunch of little demons following him around, it's a funny image. but personally i wont see them as "his children" unless its for comedic resources. i see them more as his pets, yep, his demonic pets 👍🏼

they're canonically the most physical affective couple and they make me wanna throw up in my mouth. good for them

WHERE WAS AKHLYSSSS

nico's new villain scar is baddass <3

at the end bob just came out of the picture... that easily? after all the hell they went thru?

do u ever get those maternal/paternal kick ins when u read ur fav character in pain? i dont mean all the time but in like rare occassions. like a sudden need to protect them? well yeah nico saying "you left me alone and defenceless!" and starting crying made it for me. i wanted to run and CRADLE HIM

MALCOLM PACE MY QUEER SON OF ATHENA I LOVE YOU. btw yall were excited about jake mason and i admit i dont remember who that is,,, i feel guilty so please explain

PIPER MY LOVE GIRL HOW I MISSED YOU

to summarize, i dont think the book's perfect, but i did enjoy and liked it

[synobun]

One of them tag games

So I wasn't actually tagged by @cour5t in this, but I was tagged by @rosewinterborn in a very similar game, so I'm stealing the first and pretending it's the second, since the second had a few questions that didn't apply to me x)

Last song: I'm gonna do the last song I've had on repeat for this!

Favorite color: I never know what to say for this. Black? Dark red? Dark purple? Dark green? That whole colour palette is the bomb dot com.

Last movie/show: The last movie I watched that was new was Nimona! It was fantastic, 10/10 lives up to the hype. The last show I finished was Reacher. It was okay.

Next on my watchlist: I've finally started watching Criminal Minds, but I'm already kind of burning out on it midway through season two. And there's still like 300 episodes left. Ridic. I should probably catch up on Foundation and For All Mankind. Next movie is the cartoon version of Mulan!

Last game: Prey! I did a replay of Doom 3 a while ago and mused that the horror story-game genre should be revived, and then on a whim I decided to play Prey without knowing anything about it. And it's the exact kind of game I was talking about. It's pretty good.

Last book: Rebirth of the Sigil by Peri Akman. It was disappointing. :/ Especially since I know what the author is otherwise capable of. I had the same thing happen with John Gwynne recently as well.

Sweet/savory/spicy: Savory, I think? I don't have an instinctive sense of what savory is. Google says it's a meaty taste, and I rely heavily on protein, so I guess that. I have a pretty low tolerance for sweetness despite liking sodas and such. I don't like most desserts or can only eat a tiny amount. Spicy is alright but my digestive system disagrees.

Relationship status: *vague gesturing*

Last thing I searched online: The hours for my pharmacy to see if it was too late to pick up my medication.

Current obsession: I am generally not an obsessive person when it comes to, like, interests and activities. But I am an obsessive person when it comes to thoughts and emotions. Lately I've been struggling a lot with thinking about eternity. It has not been fun. On a lighter note, I have also been thinking more regularly about writing. Perhaps someday that will translate into action!

Greatest flaw: How much time do you have? This is actually something I have difficulty answering, because the line between something forced upon me and something that is actually inherent to me is blurred a lot of the time.

I think I'd say how I behave when I'm spiraling mentally. I close off and disappear from almost everyone in my life. Occasionally I can keep up appearances with one group but not the rest, but by and large I become a ghost. When I am in a conversation during those cycles, it's crazy how badly I'm affected. I don't become cruel or mean toward others, but my speech becomes jilted, I can't make eye contact, and I am just devastatingly hateful against myself.

It's partly why I isolate, so that I don't have to expose others to that behaviour. It happens on a yearly basis though, and it can last for weeks at a time, so it has a pretty negative impact on my relationships. I also have no idea how to navigate being in one of those moods while part of a relationship where daily contact is an expectation. When I was part of a romantic relationship, instead of having one big prolonged dip, I would fade in and out of it. A couple weeks good, a couple days bad. Rinse and repeat. Awful. Terrible. Annoying. There's almost no predicting when it'll happen either.

Fic I’m currently reading: I rarely read fics because I have no patience for wading through wish fulfillment, horny writing, and "He would not fucking say that" fics, so there's only one that I vaguely keep up with. My friend has a Mass Effect fic, which can be found here. It focuses on femShep(/Kaidan) and Tali(/Garrus) and is post-ME3.

-----

I tag anyone who sees this and actually made it to the end, tbh. But for sake of poking, I tag @rosewinterborn with this variant, and also @deadlyessencewhispers, @tananaphone, @stupid-elf, @carrotblr, @atinydroid, @imtryingx, and, uh, uh... I don't know... let's see... @kkshowtunes, @d3viantvanguard, and @awritingcaitlin. I probably just tagged everyone who follows me. Anyway thanks bye

[variousqueerthings]

I am firmly in the latter half of season 11, so in short how do I feel about the first half-and-a-bit?

11x1 hey, look me over: A neat little opening episode, and!!! most important thing!!! it’s the single kellye-centric episode of the show!!! my biggest appreciation is for the fact that she doesn’t go out with Hawkeye at the end, and it did a little fun thing I’d been wanting for a hot sec, which was Margaret and Hawkeye going on a friend date together

(also Hawkeye, your suit is terrible, I’m sorry not sorry, Kellye was right to get hers with the sexy guy who immediately thought she was hot and hilarious)

11x2 trick or treatment: Hawkeye is superman! BJ is a clown (correct)! Potter as a cowboy (naturally)! I said this before, but Charles didn’t tell a ghost story, because his ghost story is about his dead brother... 

I cannot believe that this episode is in s11, we wait this long for Halloween! (and I will absolutely watch it next Halloween too!)

11x3 foreign affairs: I’ve had conversations about this, but I think this story is much stronger if Charles is read as aroace, rather than the sort of flimsy “my family wouldn’t approve” thing that happens at the end, but with that in mind I really like the way that Charles’ love-interest stories always seem to be about him finding someone who’ll just enjoy talking with him about art and fine food!

and here is where I note that the season continues the thread of “Hawkeye flirts with women and nothing comes of it,” and all the ways I choose to read that too. (Sidenote that he did notice there was something up with her and was quite gentlemanly about it all)

also: Soon-Tek Oh returns!!???? I believe that is him playing the enthusiastic translator right??

11x4 the joker is wild: I went off about this episode separately and I’ll never recover, what in the holy heck!

11x5 who knew: I have a lot of emotions about the ways in which I read aromantic Hawkeye in this episode -- the ways he feels guilt for somehow not having enough feeling for someone (romantically), and layers that into self-imposed guilt over her death and the way this plays into what actually is a declaration of love for his friends/the family he’s made at the 4077th

I contrast it as well to episode 1 and 3 of this season, when he comes at sex in a sort of, “I’ll give it a go,” kind of attitude that is at once quite shallow (the “I can pretend to be sincere” line) and also shrugged off once it doesn’t work, and with Kellye related to once more guilt, this time about not “seeing” her (and contrasts that with him going dancing with Margaret, I wish we’d seen it) (also yes Kellye is fucking great!) 

the feeling he has for his family though is so so strong. I also put this one down as containing hauntedness... moreso now I think even than when it aired, but also just within the fabric of it on its own. the speech is a eulogy after all, as well as a declaration of love

11x6 bombshells: this is one of those that’s really giving you whiplash, especially at the end -- the thing is Hawkeye hasn’t actually been doing a lot of shenanigans in these last seasons. He’s been shenanigansed at (BJ....) and he’s occasionally supported a shenanigan, but he hasn’t done a lot of “this came out of my brain and now I’m going to fucking run with it!” and I was happy to see it happen

and then the BJ storyline, which was overall very sympathetic to him, suddenly clashes right into Hawkeye when he starts ranting about how they’re both so self-righteous and petty about soldiers’ lives and dammit BJ! Stop! Projecting! Your Issues! Onto Hawkeye! (I have a whole growing post about the times BJ projects onto Hawkeye and how it plays into their dynamic)

11x7 settling debts: speaking of shenanigans... this also gave me a bit of a Hawkeye I love to see, the one who is acknowledged as incredibly thoughtful and pretty great at planning and leading -- using his lateral-thinking brain for good, in a very sweet way

this was a very good final season episode, setting up Potter’s post-series life and bringing in Mildred in a great way!

11x8 the moon is not blue: watch me screaming as I hit the halfway mark of the season! thank goodness it was light-hearted! Also again, speaking of benevolently shenanigansing Hawkeye, him convincing Klinger and that other guy that the placebos totally work is so very him 

Hawkeye is the benevolent fairy of the MASH 4077th, we know this (we use fairy deliberately)

11x9 run for the money: the way this has the main story, which takes up a lot of time and is pretty light overall, and then you’ve got a handful of minutes of some of the most emotional storytelling on the show

and I gather every time we get information about the people back home like its precious and rare (which it is) and there’s Honoria’s voice! the way a voice can make someone so real!

overall my brain is so fixated on the feeling of this as the last season, I’m not really so capable of thinking of the episodes individually -- I feel so keenly how they’re the last bits of story we’re getting for the characters and how that’s definitely right, but I also know all the things I won’t get to see that I wish I could go back in time and suggest as episodes, or simply just wanting to see more, and also this idea of watching so many years after it aired, and popping out of the bubble that it’s entirely new (which it has been in a lot of ways for me)

I do hope -- but I’ll take what I get -- for another Margaret-centric episode, and something emotionally centred on Klinger. Obviously love that he would have struck gold with the invention of the hoolahoop and the frisbee, but I also would love to see another acknowledgement of the way he’s the heart of the outfit

[sukibenders]

Not only you need to shut the fuck up about Kate Sharma, you need to shut the fuck up about Anthony Bridgerton too. Imagine not wanting to be called out when you pollute their tags with posts and reblogs spewing hate on them. You're so fucking jealous Kate got to be a Viscountess and her sister ended up being a plot device even with the efforts by production to make her more important than Kate. Imagine being so fucking jealous to the point of hoping for an Edwina spin off when they should remake season two to give Kate the importance she deserves since you know, her sister got to be a bride, her sister got to have a centric episode about her, Kate didn't even have a fucking poster alone or alone with Anthony and people want to see a Edwina spin off even if season two was basically Edwina's show. Fucking shame on you.

Also readinng your hate posts about Kate, when the fuck did Mary ever show she cared about Kate? I can't fucking believe you said she was right when she didn't stop and listened to Kate after the dinner and that it was simply sad that Kate was alone in a closet and Mary had to stay with Edwina. How fucking hateful. Not surprising at all since you think caring for Kate is summarized by Mary brushing her arm a couple of times and giving her that gaslighting speech about forgivness as soon as she woke up from the coma. LEAVE KATE SHARMA OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. Also since you like to call people blind and liars, your tags about Edwina and Mary are, surprise surprise, devoid of any criticism. You don't fucking fool me.

Darn, you really made this whole essay in my inbox when you could have just blocked me and moved on, that's sad. Imagine saying you like Kate, but then acting like Anthony didn't deserve some smoke too for how he treated her. He constantly humiliated her in front of others, called her the bane of his existence, a thorn easily removed, blamed her for so many things (during moments where she was already highly emotional), and kept advancing her even when she wanted him to stop but just because he said some romantic lines you all go "oh, he'd perfect". Shut the fuck up. I enjoy Kathony, but there is a lot that Anthony needs to make up for, so maybe instead of coming to my inbox with your underwear in a twist, you can kindly mind your business. Not that hard. And what are you going to do? Considering you couldn't even recognize Anthony doing Kate dirty, not much. And it isn't even me "not wanting to be called out" as you said (not my fault you all blow things out of proportion and act like any criticism towards your fictional character is me coming after your family), it's about yall lack any decency whatsoever and it shows. To be honest, I could care less because it lets me see how some of y'all are, like yes, let those true colors show. Like even if I knew who you were, you know if you weren't using anonymous, I'd still be better than you and not come into your inbox the way you did to me. I'd simply block you, easy as that.

You being mad about Edwina having a wedding and putting that on me is lazy, especially when, if you read my post, you'd know that I wanted more scenes with Kate, her family, and Anthony and wished certain side plots had been scapped for it. You being mad at Edwina fans when you could've just put your anger towards the show itself, but I guess that took much effort. And even with Edwina getting all the things you said (why can't another woc also share happy moments?) they weren't even good for her, so yeah most Edwina fans aren't even happy about that. That seems more like a show issue for you to complain about instead of you bohooig about it in someone's inbox.

And you're so wrapped up in your Edwina hate that you forgot about the actual posters, because there were ones of not only Kathony, but Kate by herself so maybe look it up first, not that hard. From what it looks like, Edwina is the one who doesn't have a solo poster of her own nor with her and Anthony by themselves. But you don't see me complaining about it in your inbox, do you? You under the pretense of Edwina taking all the fame in the show (never mind the problems with putting two of the only few woc on the show against one another in this way) when, if she was, wouldn't she have the same amount of posters as Kate, or more? And I can want an Edwina spin off because the show itself hardly gave us anything with her character, and simply because I want too. I also want a Marina spin off too, but don't think that'll happen, shame really. The show hardly gave much of anything for any of the Sharmas, which I talked about but you're too pressed to see apparently, but gives more plot to their white counterparts. Not that hard to see the problem with that rather than coming into my inbox being ignorant as hell.

And Mary did show that she cared for Kate, you all are just busy with your heads up your butt and wanting to paint her as some evil stepmother. Like you and others like you always do the most whenever someone says they want the Sharmas to be a happy family, when you quite literally just have to block people and move on, like you all make this more tiring on yourselves. You'll villainize a brown woman showing a moment of an emotion other than joy or happiness, and run with it. And not you acting like you actually care about Kate in that moment but then go and pretend, a few words ago, that Anthony didn't do anything to her that needs to be addressed. You know damn well that if someone had courted Anthony's sisters the way he did Kate, he'd duel them at dawn. He literally has tried for something even less than what he's done. But sure, it's Mary who is the problem.

And of course you're going to stalk my account, with nothing better to do, and then act as if the criticism isn't there for other Bridgerton characters. Coming from someone who ignores Anthony's actions and paints Mary as the villain, I'm not all that surprised that you can't read any of the context on my post correctly because I have, not only, criticized Mary and Edwina but wasn't even that harsh about Kate as you believe, you all just can't help but blow things out proportion. Not my problem.

So, how about you go somewhere and get off your high horse thinking you get to tell me or anyone else what to do for that matter. Watch your fucking mouth and just block me, because you're turning yourself out given the fact that you can't read my post properly or are just so warranted on hating Mary and Edwina that anyone who likes them pisses you off (not my problem, still).

[lebenspurpur]

What about how would slashers propose their s/o? :3

How would the slashers propose:

Michael Myers

Michael wouldn't.

As funny as that sounds, I'm pretty sure Michael doesn't understand marriage and its concept at all.

After all.. who'd marry you? A deranged serial killer and his spouse.. pretty difficult to find a priest for that kind of couple.

If anything, he'd propose to show that he cares. Michael isn't the best at showing emotions and a proposal would be his personal way of showing that he does adore you.

It would probably be nothing big though. He'd just hand you a stolen ring and then march off, leaving you alone with your confusion.

Are you ever getting married? Probably not but he'll wear a ring similar to yours if you'd like.

Vincent Sinclair

Oh, Vincent will try his hardest to be as romantic as he can be.

Dozen of candles, hundreds of roses, and he'll actually wear an old suit he found in Bo's wardrobe!

His brothers will be out of town, driven out by your big lover.

He'll make dinner for you. It might taste a little interesting, considering his below-average cooking skills, but hey the idea alone is so adorable.

After dinner, he'll sink down on one knee and you just freeze.

He's super nervous too! What if you don't want to marry him? What if he's too fast and you're not ready for that commitment yet?

The ring will be from a victim but he polished and perfected it himself. He'll design it like his knives, dragons wrapping around the gemstone in the middle.

As soon as that "yes" leaves your lips, he inflates, probably ready to pass out.

Bo Sinclair

Bo.. doesn't necessarily want to marry.

But he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, that's for sure.

You're something he doesn't deserve and yet you're here, with him.

Bo won't be as romantic as his twin, that's not really his strategy.

He'll most likely blurt out his proposal while he's watching TV and make it seem like the most normal thing ever, even though he's frightened on the inside.

If you ask him what he said, he'll repeat it real quietly and you swear he's turning red.

Say yes and Bo will actually flash a big grin, a real one, not his usual smirk, finally pulling you closer to seal his lips with yours.

He can't believe someone would marry him but you wanted to, and he'd always deem that a miracle.

Lester Sinclair

Oh god, Lester will be so nervous.

He has everything: the ring, a nice suit, a romantic dinner but what if he fucks it up?

He even wrote a note containing a few words of his "speech" so he won't forget it.

So it's after dinner and he kneels down, nearly tripping on his open shoelace, and.. uh fuck what'd he want to say???

He can't find his note! Lester is now panicking.

Your reassuring smile grounds him again and he somehow manages to finish his proposal without fainting. How? Lester doesn't know, he has no recollection of what happened.

The ring will be from a victim but he got Vincent to make it prettier. He feels really bad about it as well, please tell him that that's okay!

Baby Firefly

Oh, Marriage? A big, pretty white dress? Sign her the fuck up.

Okay, being with you for the rest of her life is really nice as well.

She's probably talking to Mama when the subject first emerges and she just freezes in excitement.

She's soon skipping down the stairs, calling out your name.

"Y/N LET'S GET MARRIED!"

You don't even have a choice, she will marry you whether you like it or not.

I doubt that she'll even ask you the question, it'll just be a determined "We're getting married." and she's gone again, probably planning for the wedding.

A ring will be there though. She probably stole it but oh well.

Otis Driftwood

Marriage? *Insert him scoffing.*

Yeah no, he's too edgy for that.

However, he is down to invent his own kind of marriage for you.

But you're not getting a ring, oh no.

Otis is showing up with a collar. And it has his name on it.

After he's given it to you, he'll just hold a 15-minute speech about how you belong to him and how this collar will show everyone.

If you say yes afterward he'll be confused. This wasn't a question.

Billy Loomis

Oh Billy has it all planned out... and it can go both ways.

It's either a super romantic, high-school sweetheart-like proposal with flowers, a cute ring, balloons, and all that boring stuff or...

He dresses up as Michael Myers and jumps out at you, scaring you to death, just to hold a ring and propose to you.

I can see him totally scaring the shit out of you the whole evening just to make your proposal a special one.

Stu also helps him which makes you question which of the two you're really marrying.

Stu Macher

Stu will propose in his own way, to be frank, everything he does is done in his own way.

He'll be quite sweet actually, taking you out on a Ferris wheel to ask the question.

He's serious about the whole thing but he doesn't quite show it.

He makes it seem as if this whole thing does nothing to him so you can't see how nervous he is.

After you say yes he'll still act cool but the shake in his voice gives him away.

If you cry, he'll tease you for years so be careful.

Brahms Heelshire

The only idea Brahms has of proposal and marriage is from the books he's read. And those are either porn magazines or some old romance novels from way before our time.

He'll wear a suit. You don't even know where he got it from, it's astonishingly old.

There's no dinner or anything, Brahms can't cook and after all, that's your job.

He'll give you flowers though!

And his grandmother's proposal ring that he found somewhere in the mansion. He just can't buy his own so he has to improvise.

If you say yes he'll smile excitedly and jump into your arms. He's not getting off too, you have to carry him now.

Sometimes he forgets how tall he is.

Thomas Hewitt

Thomas will marry you pretty early into the relationship.

After all, his family is very religious and you know what they say, no sex before marriage kids. I doubt that Thomas will obey that rule but let's pretend-

Luda will help him with everything he needs, she'll even get Hoyt and Monty to leave the house with her for a night so you two have some privacy!

Thomas will be very nervous and you very confused. Thomas never stopped working unless it was something important.

You'll eat and have a nice time, you can finally spend some time with your lover and this time, not in the basement. He even takes his mask off, just for you.

After dinner he'll clear his throat and actually say the whole proposal out loud. This is important and Thomas doesn't want to ruin this just because he doesn't want to talk.

He could never ruin anything but he's insecure like that.

If you say yes he's going to grin brightly and just pick you up, spinning you around until he actually kisses you, once again feeling so grateful for you in his life.

Josef

Marriage isn't that important to him so he takes a while to even think about that idea.

Of course, a life filled with you is absolutely amazing in his opinion but he trusts that you won't leave him, with or without a promise binding you to him.

After a bit of thinking, he decides to do it just for the gesture.

He'll buy a ring that he thinks fits and then plan a nice dinner with a few candles, red wine, expensive food, all that shit.

Josef is an amazing cook so that food will be to die for.

After eating, he'll intertwine your hands with his and look into your eyes, quietly bringing up the whole idea of marriage.

If you seem interested and I mean positively interested, he'll pull out the ring, surprising you like always.

Say yes and Josef will get quite emotional, never did he think someone would actually marry him.

He might cry but one word about that and you'll get the silent treatment.

you'll get a gif, as a treat

Amanda Young

Marriage? Uh, not for her.

Amanda hates the whole idea of marriage, stupid love-sick couples marrying just to break up and divorce a year later, leaving children to grow up in an environment that's shaped by isolation and abandonment.

However, she's not against a ring to show that she's never going to leave you.

Amanda will make one for you, yes you heard me, make.

It's so important to her, anyone else but her would fail her.

It takes a while but seeing your happy tears after she gave and explained it to you makes everything worth it.

She'll often admire it, sitting so perfect on your finger.

You're hers and hers alone.

You can't see it but she's smiling.

[sunforgrace]

okay I’m finally doing it! I am reccing thee fic I read three days ago:

according to all known laws of life: by sobsicles (E, 29.7k)

Summary:

Cas comes back. It's not exactly the reunion that Dean is expecting.

~~~

Dean stares at him, flummoxed. Cas quite literally poured his heart out to Dean, gave a truly sappy and distressingly romantic speech and everything, then proceeded to give his life so that Dean could live his. And he wants to act like he doesn't want to see Dean, be around him, touch him?

Actually, Dean's ninety-nine percent sure that Cas probably wants to fuck him, and while he has no clue how he feels about that, he's pretty goddamn sure that means Cas doesn't get to act like this and make it authentic.

It feels strangely real, though, as if Cas wants nothing more than to get as far away from him as possible. This is a blatant contradiction. Even someone as weird as Cas doesn't want to get away from the person they have the desire to fuck five ways to Sunday, that they're in love with. That's not how these things work, so Dean isn't buying it.

(yes, that title is a bee movie reference. trust me, it works and it’s hilarious. the author’s mind for that one, I am obsessed.) 

my review is looong so I’m sparing you all and putting it under a read through. click through if you want to hear my rambling thoughts on why I think this fic is great or just click through to read it for yourself <3 or just keep scrolling!

the important thing you know about this fic, is that it will leave you going “they are SUCH assholes (affectionate)” and THAT’S why it’s great.

this fic in some ways feels lighter than other 15x20 fix it’s I’ve read, which I enjoy, but it doesn’t shy away from the impact of Cas’ death and where that leaves the characters before he returns, and even after he does. so while there’s a cohesive sense of humor that runs through the fic - even in the beginning - there are moments that starkly remind you that Dean is really not coping, kind of like ice water over the head. there’s one moment that I won’t spoil that made me just think “oh Dean” and also feel slightly concerned over how relatable his way of rationalizing and coping with the circumstance was lmao. this fic does a wonderful job at basically throwing the whole finale out, yet still addressing Dean’s seemingly devil may care cheer in the finale, that brushed off “everything’s fine” attitude (which we have at times seen from Dean before when he’s repressing something in order to cope, like his impending death, just joking about it to diminish how much he’s struggling). this fic does so in a way that we the viewer understand why Dean acts the way he does, what he’s thinking, which I really appreciated since that way of coping is familiar and relatable to me, so this depiction is a great insight into Dean’s character for any part of the audience who doesn’t automatically sort of understand why Dean reacts the way he does to certain things, how his mind rationalizes certain things. 

this theme carries through the fic, so while you are going “Dean you’re such an asshole” you can also see why Dean is acting the way he does, the author uses a sort of dramatic irony so that you the reader understand more about why Dean is reacting the way he is than even Dean is, because his brain isn’t ready to face those truths that have been repressed quite yet and it’s made him quite literally sort of incapable of processing through it. it leaves the reader in an interesting place where you’re already two steps ahead of Dean, where the answers that are blank to him are obvious to you, and you can see why Cas is reacting the way he is the further the story progresses, even as this also remains a confusing and tangled thing to Dean. (sidenote: if you’re a cas girl who’s not dean coded/a dean kin, you may enjoy this fic less due to frustration with Dean and anger towards him over how his relationship is being handled with Cas. for me, while I did experience that “you’re SUCH an asshole,” reaction I also really, really understood Dean’s headspace, so I didn’t feel a strong sense of anger at him. if you’re hashtag dean critical just interacting with the show, this fic might be more frustrating than enjoyable for you. the key takeaway, for me, from this fic is that the point of this fic isn’t to lay blame on any one side. Cas seems like The Asshole initially but as the fic progresses you start to understand and empathize with his motivations, and then Dean seems like The Asshole but since we’re given his POV we can understand and even empathize (if you’re me lol) with his motivations, even as he himself doesn’t really understand them beyond gut reactions and impulse. the point is that they’re both assholes (affectionate) but neither is Thee Asshole, they’re just two people working through a shift in their dynamic and how it makes them feel, even when in Dean’s case he doesn’t understand what it is he’s feeling, and needing to work on longstanding communication issues.)

with that, dean kins, I think you will enjoy this fic in particular. it really dives deep into the Dean headspace and explores how his repression manifests and how he works through it. the author uses the metaphor of “white static” in Dean’s brain to describe Dean’s attempts at processing through the situation, which I really appreciated. it’s a sort of physical representation of Dean struggling through years of repression and working at what it is he’s feeling, quite literally bluescreening. Dean also projects a LOT in this fic, without ever being fully conscious of the fact he’s doing it. again, this fic WILL make you go Dean you’re such an asshole (affectionate) but the author explores why Dean reacts the way he does and why there are certain things he doesn’t understand about his reactions, his motivations. I feel like the fic succeeds in making you understand Dean (there is one, singular reference to John Winchester in this fic. it is a gut punch when it comes). and even without exploring Cas’ headspace through his POV, as the picture broadens you can see his motivations and insight into his feelings come through as well, and this fic does really make you feel for Cas. Cas avoids both Dean and the reality of his confession once he returns, shuts Dean down, and Dean doesn’t immediately profess his love to Cas, hasn’t even allowed himself to even think about whether or not he does feel that way. and you understand why. the author does a fantastic job of making you understand where they’re both coming from and how that impacts their perspective on the situation and reactions to it.

this fic is mainly about getting Dean and Cas alone to work through their Issues in a very Dean and Cas way, so other characters naturally take more a back seat to this one, but what we do see of the saileen relationship I adore. especially after the finale we love to see some Eileen appreciation. the author depicts Eileen as “having a mischievous streak a mile wide” which I feel is so perfect for her character and there are some really fun moments or two showing that streak. again, while Sam and Eileen are off doing their own thing for the crux of their fic, I love the Sam moments we get, the author makes sure he doesn’t come across as a one dimensional character, just there to be shipper!sam in a destiel fic. he gets to have his own reactions, emotions, and motivations outside of Dean, which is partially why he’s away for a portion of this fic, he’s going to Eileen because that’s where he wants to be! he gets to be emotionally intuitive and intelligent AND bitchy. and the saileen chemistry is just *chef’s kiss*. though their story isn’t the centre of this fic, you get to see moments that show what they bring out in each other, how they both love one another and come together as partners. also, he compares the destiel relationship to the bee movie which is just. TRUST me it works and it is hilarious the author’s MIND for that one. (there’s also an allusion to lgbt Sam in this fic for my truthers out there). also Jack gets to pop in, though he remains God. I won’t spoil anything but we get a scene at the end that shows Jack’s ascent into godhood doesn’t mean he can’t be with his family. 

note: this is not a myth arc fic, but a character exploration fic. I’m someone for who elements like character dynamics and dialogue make a good fic. don’t get me wrong, I do love a good case fic or myth arc, but character pieces are where my heart lies, and this is a Character Piece. the dialogue is snappy and has great flow (it got. physical and audible reactions out of me at certain points), the internal dialogue really gets you into Dean’s headspace and their character voices are amazing, you can feel the characters and hear them through their words. again, while I’ve read and really enjoyed the 15x20 fix it’s that deal with the myth arc, this fic doesn’t explore those aspects as heavily. it’s not about an adventure to rescue Cas from the Empty, or the shifting dynamics of Heaven and Jack’s new godhood, or even the more supernatural elements of supernatural. it’s all about character baybee, and in part that’s probably why I loved it so much.

without getting into spoiler territory, there is a moment towards the end of this fic that I just adore. it makes so much sense to me regarding Dean’s character and is really the culmination of both this fic and the confession scene. the author makes you understand why this needed to happen for them to progress, for Dean to process. it just makes so much sense to me and reading that moment felt like something slotting into place. 

TL;DR: the most important thing for you to know about this fic, is it made me go *John Mulaney voice* Dean and Cas are bitches and I like them so much! 

note, this fic is rated explicit, though there’s actually very little description/scenes of anything explicit happening, it’s mainly just allusions through dialogue and rising tension throughout the fic.

for those of you for who reading explicit stuff isn’t your jam, I’ve bolded the starting and ending sentences for the one scene where explicit stuff happens instead of just being alluded to so you can skip it, though it’s also a mild scene where they don’t do much more than kiss. (note, after the scene between these bolded lines there is also a mini paragraph that alludes to another explicit scene, but the author doesn’t describe in detail anything that happens and it’s very brief. skip the paragraph starting with “Shower sex is complicated” and move to the next if you want to avoid it):

Dean is very promptly slammed back against the door, Cas' body covering his, and then he's being kissed before he can even suck in a sharp breath. 

* * * 

"Okay," Dean wheezes, blinking his eyes open and letting his head roll forward. Cas is watching him intently, pupils blown, mouth spit-slick and swollen. He looks—well, he looks really fucking good. "Yeah, this is going to work." 

[45percenterthen]

Belated bday fic for bearer of cursed fruit facts @seraphlm and thee plant dad cas truther @cactuscas !! Love u guys v much, happy bday <3 (ao3 link here)

“Fuck’s a horoscope again? It’s like, stars and shit, right?”

He bumps Cas’ elbow, who’s squinting at one of his fern-looking-things like he’s experimenting with horticultural telepathy. The saga of the fern-thing has been turbulent, to say the least. It’s wilting a bit, leaves curling in on themselves like tiny fists. Cas has spent the past few days carting it from one window ledge to another, muttering to himself about humidity levels with a familiar air of irritated devotion. Dean reckons the whole underground bunker situation probably isn’t helping. It’s well travelled, though, for a plant. Dean thinks it should be more grateful.

Cas nods, releasing a leaf with a sigh and sitting down next to Jack. “Indeed. Stars and shit.”

Jack’s engrossed in some magazine, finger tracing the words as he reads. Cas reaches for the edge of the page to hold it taut for him, and Dean can practically see his other hand itching for his phone. Diagnosis time for the fern-thing. Dean’s never seen a favorites bar so wholly taken up by gardening websites. Dean’s pretty sure the definition of true love is pausing Die Hard to read an article about potting soil drainage.

“Do you want to hear yours, Dean? It’s for this week.”

“Sure, kiddo.” To be honest, Dean thinks the concept of fate can very much, actually, go fuck itself. Jack looks delighted though, so he keeps it to himself. He stirs a bit of extra butter into the eggs because that’s the way Jack likes them, dutifully not looking at Cas to avoid a depressing conversation about his cholesterol levels.

“Oh! It says you’re lucky this week, Dean!”

“Awesome, bud! Time to stock up on the scratch cards, eh?”

Sam chooses that moment to come lumbering in. The state of his hair suggests a sleepless night, or that a recent localized hurricane that targeted his bedroom only.

“Hi Sam! We’re reading horoscopes. Dean’s an Aquarius.”

“Oh, cool.” Eileen had been delayed on a salt and burn with some of the new-hunter-network people. Sam looks suitably mopey about it, forlorn housewife that he is. “Mercury’s in marmalade, and all that.”

“Aquarius is ruled by Uranus,” Jack continues, and Sam instantly chokes. On air, apparently. Bastard.

“One more time, Jack? Dean’s ruled by his –”

“You’re a child, Samantha.” Dean looks around for the nearest something-painful-not-fatal to throw at him. Plant’s a no. Instant divorce. He glances at the eggs, but decides he doesn’t want to spend his morning getting egg yolk outta the tile grouting.

“Dude, oh my – I should’ve just checked your horoscope,” Sam walks over to the fridge, catching the Mary Berry’s Baking Bible that Jody sent them for Christmas in mid-air. “Would’ve saved us a talk.”

“Eat your pineapple and shut up, man.”

“Did you know that pineapples are technically berries?” Jack says. Dean wonders if Cas introduced him to WebMD-for-plants. Or maybe this is just a side effect of being The New God on the block. Berry omniscience. “Well. The outside bit is. Bananas are berries too.”

“That’s weird,” Sam closes the fridge door. Stares into his bowl like he’s offended. Dean’s offended Sam eats nothing but fruit in the morning. “After the heaven rebuild. You should, like, fix berries.”

Jack turns to Cas solemnly. “Should I fix berries?”

“Perhaps you should concentrate on heaven, first. Then we can see about berries.”

“I don’t want to ruin the fabric of our established universe,” Jack says, and Dean’s struck, once again, with the sudden realisation that he’s making eggs for the most powerful entity in Creation. Mondays, man.

“I don’t think Chuck had any such purity of intent in mind,” Cas says darkly, pouring more milk into God’s glass for strong bones and teeth, and yeah, Dean’s pretty keen to steer Cas away from that particular line of conversation.

“Hey, what’s Cas’ horo-whatever?” He takes the eggs off the heat and walks over to the table, leaning over to see what the hell magazine this is, actually. Looks Rowena-y. Is the Queen of Hell sending his son-God care packages? That’s one way to establish diplomatic relations.

He rests his hands on Cas’ shoulders, stroking his thumbs at the neckline of his t-shirt when he feels tension. He decides against pressing a kiss to Cas’s hair. Just ‘cause he’s with a dude now, doesn’t mean he’s gonna be all gay about it. Cas’ left hand comes up to cover his own. Their rings clink.

“Cas doesn’t have a birthday, though.” Jack frowns at the page slightly, apparently looking for the section on fallen angel anomalies.

“Then we’ll have to pick one –” Dean starts, just as Cas says, “September eighteenth.”

Cas tips his head back against Dean’s chest, peers up at him. He’s got dried toothpaste at the corner of his mouth. Dean grins stupidly at his upside-down face. “September eighteenth, yeah.” Something swoops in his chest. Cas is earnest, and it’s unbearable. He loves at full volume, and Dean’s as grateful as he is undeserving. He squeezes Cas’ shoulder. Tradition, and all that.

Jack taps the page. “It says you’re a Virgo, Cas!”

They’re still staring at each other as Jack starts reading aloud. Dean brushes hair off Cas’ forehead and thinks, for once, he’s landed himself the permanent kind of happy. Dean’s pretty sure he’s loved him for years and years, quietly, achingly.

There’s the sound of cutlery against ceramic, and Dean looks up to check Sammy’s not weeping into his fruit bowl out of sheer girlish pride or whatever. He’d made it six words into his best man speech before the waterworks. Dean’s never letting him live it down.

⁂

“So,” Dean says later, after Sam’s gone to collect Eileen from town, and Jack’s off on heavenly refurb duty. “My lucky week, huh?”

Dean circles his arms round Cas’ midriff. Lets his chin rest on his shoulder, because he can, and also to check Cas isn’t half-assing the washing up.

“Apparently so.”

Dean hums. It’s funny. They’re married. And yet moments like these, the big ones, still manage to make him a bit nervous. It’s stupid. He’s hardly gonna say no. But Dean supposes they’ve never managed to get anything in the right order. Two deathbed confessions amidst a decade of friendship. An ‘I love you too’ echoing off brick in an empty room. Two kids co-parented before they even kissed, and they were already living together when they started dating. Someone get Nicholas Sparks on the phone.

“Perfect week to put an offer down on a house then, right? That one on the lake?”

Cas drops a fork into the bubbles. He turns his head to reply and Dean takes it as an opportunity to kiss what’s within reach. The smile lines around his eye, his temple greying with the proof that Cas loves him. He’s all in. Dean is too, terrifyingly.

“Really?”

“Yeah, dude.” Dean nods at the fern guy. “Your plants would appreciate the sunlight, right? And there’s a room for Jack.”

Cas spins in his arms, leaning against the sink to look Dean in the eye. Dean grabs at his soapy palm, intertwining their fingers, confident in his sappiness when no one’s watching.

“I know I always say Sammy didn’t make the most of his college experience, but dorming in my forties isn’t exactly what I meant –”

“You’ll miss him, though.”

“Of course, man. Lived with Sam my whole life. But,” Dean relinquishes the hand to cup Cas’ face, “I kinda wanna do my own thing now. With you. So, move in with me, Mr. Winchester? Somewhere… overground?”

It’s so off-your-feet sweepingly romantic Dean feels like he deserves a medal. Maybe this is their karmic justice after the proposal debacle.

Cas is smiling at him, soft and sweet. “Okay, Dean.” He puts wet hands around his waist and Dean doesn’t even care that it’s seeping through his t-shirt. “Lake house it is.”

Dean leans in, kisses him three times in response. He lingers on the last one, smiling against Cas’ mouth. Cas knows what he means.

[peachy-panic]

Only Temporary: Sebastian Tate

Hello. I was completely blown away by the positive response I got on the first piece of Jaime’s story (title under construction). Thank you to everyone who had a kind word to say about it! You made me really happy I made the mildly frightening choice to post.

In the interest of acclimating to the no-rules, freedom-to-post-out-of-order structure of this community, I wanted to introduce a new piece of the puzzle this time, with a new character that will come into play later.

Also, this piece goes into a little bit of the details, but for frame of reference on the BBU-adjacent thing: this story takes place in a not-so-distant future of the BBU, where WRU has undergone some changes. I look forward to exploring this world building more as I go.

Anyway, I’m rambling again. Thanks for reading. Here it is:

WARNINGS: General BBU warnings, talk of institutionalized slavery, classism, and general terribleness of large corporations. Referenced past homophobia and rough parental relationships, briefly implied/referenced non-con.

When Sebastian reflects on the day he graduated from med school, a sort of emptiness is the memory that first bobs to the surface. Among the cheers and camera flashes in the crowd, white coats and proud smiles, what Sebastian recalls most vividly from that day is looking out into the sea of parents and families and people there to support their loved ones on one of the biggest days of their lives, and not seeing a single person that had come for him.

What should have been one of the happiest moments of his life had been quickly overshadowed by the sinking feeling that none of it mattered as much as it would have if he had someone to share it with. Like there was something so fundamentally wrong with his life, that even something as objectively good and right and decent as becoming a doctor could be dulled over into a feeling of nothingness.

Perhaps, he thinks in hindsight, that moment had been foreshadowing for the following months ahead of him.

Watching rejection after rejection pour in from his top residency programs had felt like nothing short of his own personalized nightmare. He had spent several nights in a row on the phone with Alex, his undergrad roommate and only friend, clamoring back from the edge of many a panic attack, spiraling into all-out existential dread about the future and the past and what all of it meant for him if he couldn’t land an internship, let alone a real job out of school. To his credit, Alex never gave up hope in his friend. Or at least, he did a decent job hiding it if he did. Which was probably exactly what Sebastian needed to get through that particularly dark time in his life, and a good reminder of what a solid friend he had. Even if it was a party of two.

Unfortunately, Sebastian did not have the same faith in himself.

He was able to keep up some facade of optimism as his top five were picked off one by one. Telling himself, despite his devastation, that they were a pretty far reach, anyway. Even with good academic standing, it was famously no walk in the park to land yourself at John Hopkins or Mayo as a first-year. He even maintained a brave face as his first few safety programs reached capacity and moved forward without his name on the roster.

It wasn’t until he received his final rejection letter from some internal medicine place in Bumfuck, Idaho that he felt himself slip into dangerous territory. Sebastian knew himself well enough to know his own depressive patterns by then, and he knew it was only exponential decay from there.

Rock bottom came, as it did, in the wee hours of the night, after a full bottle of wine. Alone in his small apartment, surrounded by half-packed boxes with no destination, Sebastian found himself sprawled out on the floor with his laptop hot against his thighs. He couldn’t have explained why he opted for a privacy browser, but something about it allowed him to justify the words that he typed into the search bar.

It was a new low, and one he had sworn to himself he would never stoop to. Yet there he was.

He gave himself a moment to reconsider, to back out of what was undoubtedly a morally-gray train wreck waiting to happen as his thumb hovered over the enter key. And then the alcohol decided to override his moral compass.

Facility Care is the open secret of the medical profession. It comes with its fair share of stigma, and rightfully so, but it is notoriously easy to break into and pays a decent wage.

There are two types of people who end up stooping to that kind of employment. More often than not, it consists of doctors and nurses who had their licenses revoked or suspended somewhere along the line and needed a way back in. As far as Sebastian understood, they aren’t terribly ridgid about the particulars of each circumstance. After all, in the eyes of the law, the patients they would be treating are a price tag away from being entirely expendable.

The other percentage of Facility Care workers, and the reason Sebastian found himself staring at his too-bright computer screen with a sinking feeling of dread that night, are young medical graduates who find themselves in a tough spot. It isn’t difficult to spell out the logic behind that one when you open the WRU CAREERS tab on the home page and see the bright white words printed across the top of the screen:

LOAN FORGIVENESS.

It is shamelessly predatory and aggressively capitalistic, but Sebastian supposes that particular exploitation is pretty far down on the list of transgressions for an institution of legalized slavery. A few broke and hopeless medical students were hardly going to keep the Powers That Be up at night when they were able to rest easy under the weight of hundreds of thousands of stolen lives.

The whole thing is part of the massive PR overhaul the company did a few years back. In a world that was slowly inching toward civil activism and with the accessibility of platforms like social media to hold them accountable, WRU had to adapt to survive. Adaptation, in this case, took the form of changing the barest of minimums in order to keep themselves above board — to the public eye, anyway. Anyone who dares to take a closer look at the policy changes can see that it’s bullshit.

Changing ownership conditions to a rent-by-contract basis isn’t the humanitarian move they try to paint it as. In the end, it probably just equals out to more money in the company’s pocket when they can get more return on their “investments,” and a larger chance of exploitation for the people being moved around.

Getting rid of the Romantic division is an entirely meaningless gesture when they are still loaning out human beings with no legal rights and the inability to say “no.”

And offering an open job market with good wages and healthcare options to lower class individuals is a pretty convenient way to mute the backlash.

Essentially, you can tie a system of slavery and abuse up in a bow and make it pretty on the outside, but at the end of the day, it’s still fucking slavery.

Not that he has any room to criticize now. Now that he’s one of them.

In the end, Seb tries to justify his decision a few different ways. He is, after all, more or less a young man alone in the world. The odds are stacked against him and have been for a while. With only his own two legs to stand on, the only force stronger than his internal ambition is his instinct for survival, and he’s been running on those fumes for longer than he can count.

He had lasted less than two months under his parents’ roof after he came out of the closet at eighteen. It wasn’t exactly a surprise for anyone involved; Sebastian’s parents had known about (and subsequently bottled) his… urges… since he was in high school. Probably before that, if he is being honest with himself. And Sebastian, for his part, had spent the better part of his teenage years mentally preparing for the inevitable. He can recall long, late nights he had spent crying into his pillow and the perfectly-scripted ‘coming out’ speeches he recited to his mirror when he was one-hundred percent sure his parents were asleep.

Of course, none of the preparation had been anywhere near adequate when he actually found himself wilting beneath the heat of his father’s glare, the weight of his mother’s grief.

But. He had recovered. That is the point he tries to remember when the memories sting fresh beneath his skin, even all these years later. He has more-than proven himself to be a survivor. He has worked harder than anyone he knows for every scholarship, every grant, every dollar to put himself through school. Sacrificed nights out and real relationships for night shifts at shitty diners and long weekends cramming for exams. It hadn’t been easy, but he considers it the price he had to pay for his independence. For freedom, to live the life as the person he is meant to be, despite his unfortunate odds. He spent years telling himself it would be worth it. That one day, his hard work would pay off.

He can’t stop now.

Sebastian doesn’t have the luxury of taking time off to reroute when his navigation has gone amiss. He is walking the precarious line of rapidly accruing interest and student loans and a dwindling savings account, and there is no safety net below him.

Beggars can’t be choosers, and as it turns out, beggars sometimes have to compromise their moral integrity in order to survive.

It’s only temporary.

That is the mantra that gets him through the (half-drunken) application process and the (disturbingly lax) interview process. It is a job. One job. In the medical field, though the details are up for debate, and it is real-life money for rent and food and a savings that will hopefully be sizable enough to get him where he really wanted to be. Which is… really, anywhere else.

He can do ‘temporary.’ And perhaps, some misguided part of him thinks he can do some genuine good from the inside, too. ‘Be the change you want to see’ and all that.

It is a far jump from the floor of his apartment, sloshed and exhausted and desperate, to the cold, sharp reality of walking into his place of employment on his first day of work. Ironically, it feels a lot like an echo of the emptiness from his graduation day.

‘Sterile’ doesn’t quite cover it. ‘Sterile’ is the expectation of any well-respected medical establishment, but the inside of the facility walls has been wiped clean of far more than bacteria and germs. It is completely devoid of humanity. The long corridors that connect the medical wing to the general ward are windowless and dimly lit by flickering fluorescent panels that had make his head pound for the entirety of his first week.

He is given an office, though it is a term he, himself, might use loosely, as it is more akin to what was probably a storage closet before the old prison had been converted into the state’s training headquarters. It leaves him just enough space for a small desk and two chairs. On his first day, he asks if it is okay to bring in some personal items to spruce the place up. The older, balding doctor who had been assigned to show him around merely shrugs, and Sebastian decides to take that as a yes.

The small, pink-framed photo of a six-year-old Sebastian Tate in his grandfather’s white coat and an old-school stethoscope around his neck is hardly enough to make the place cozy from the corner of his desk, but it’s a good enough reminder of why he has to make this work.

‘It’s only temporary.’

‘Be the change you want to see.’

He will do his best.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

I read your headcanons about James Potter and I’m really interested to hear your thoughts Sirius and regulus Black pls pls pls

Oh no.

Alright, strap in people, because I’m about to say some things that nobody will like.

Let’s start in alphabetical order with Regulus. 

Fandom often sees Regulus as a reformed Death Eater, the redeemed villain, or else a cooler suaver version of Sirius steeped in pure blood culture, making him more palatable than many pureblood characters as a love interest. There’s a lot of fics of him having almost defeated Voldemort, coming back from the dead and actually defeating Voldemort, reconnecting with Sirius, showing Harry the cool pureblood ways without being racist, etc.

Well, I don’t really buy into any of that.

I think, even with his defection, Regulus was likely still a very racist character and never really disavowed the cause. True, he was young when he was sucked in, he had his whole family meltdown when Sirius was disowned and suddenly he was heir, but I do think he really did believe in blood purism and nothing from the books suggests that he died not believing in it. He just stopped believing in Voldemort.

Instead, I believe he discovered that Voldemort a) did not mean anything good for his culture and b) Voldemort was a fraud.

What do I mean by that?

Well, in the first case, I’ve always viewed Tom Riddle in that period in time as a hate filled nihilist who doesn’t really believe in what he preaches. It’s just convenient to him as the purebloods are the ones with the money and the power. There’s no point in him appealing to Dumbledore’s ilk as they’re far less likely to be able to make him king (also it would mean putting up with Dumbledore and his stupid speeches about love and friendship). Most of Voldemort’s actions throughout the books don’t make the muggle borns’ lives miserable (at least not until he gets into power) but makes hell of the purebloods’ lives and absolutely ruins them. 

The Black family, in particular, he essentially wipes off the face of the Earth. 

With that in mind, I imagine a young Regulus eventually came to realize that Voldemort was systematically destroying the great families from the inside to put himself in power. It was never about the muggleborns or the country, it was only ever about power.

Then we get to the other bit, Voldemort being a fraud. Unlike many, I believe the Death Eaters had no idea who Voldemort was. It’s too unbelievable to me that some guy named Tom Riddle, who their fathers all went to school with, who everyone knew as a muggle born impoverished orphan, could convince them all that he was the next Merlin who they should devote their lives (and their money) to. Tom’s charismatic, but he’s not that charismatic. Better for Tom Riddle to just disappear entirely and show up as the Count of Monte Cristo, descendent of Salazar Slytherin himself, impressing all the young heirs while their young, angry, and stupid. 

With Regulus finding out that his great leader is actually just the halfblood son of a squib, the whole movement falls apart. Regulus is a pawn, fighting for nothing he believes in. Now, that said, I don’t think Regulus ever figured out who exactly, Tom was. He clearly knew the name, as we see from the locket, but just knowing that Riddle is a muggle last name would be enough to know that Voldemort was nothing he presented as.

Basically, Regulus becomes extremely disillusioned with the Death Eaters and Voldemort in a few short years. The change he wanted to see sweeping the country doesn’t happen. Instead the violence, which he was initially very excited for (guys, Regulus did join a domestic terrorist organization and I will not cut him slack for that, he was excited to blow up some muggle borns) is pointless and hurting their own people as opposed to the muggle borns. 

During all of this we have Kreacher borrowed by Voldemort for the creepy horcrux placement. This certainly makes Regulus go “hm” and he’s clever enough to put together on his own that the locket must be a horcrux.

That said, I do not believe he knew enough about Tom Riddle to have been able to hunt down the rest or even know where or what they would be. Dumbledore had been paranoidly collecting memories of Tom Riddle’s entire goddamn life and relying on the plot convenient aspect that Tom was apparently so much of a romantic he never left his horcruxes anywhere but Britain and always left them in very noticeable sentimental objects. Regulus knew about the locket because of Kreacher, had he lived, he’d have no idea where the hell else to start.

So that’s Regulus for you, a fairly intelligent, yet youthfully stupid, extremist whose dream did not live up to the reality and probably still would have spat in Hermione’s face had the gang resurrected him from being a lake zombie.

As for Sirius, well, he’s James the asshole times a thousand to the point where he makes some “ha ha, very funny, but actually really this is horrifying” decisions. 

I guess we’ll start back when he’s young.

We don’t see much of the young Sirius, and granted, what we do directly is given to us by a very bitter, resentful, and biased Severus Snape but his actions still read a lot like pretty much any Stephen King bully villain. The scene where they’re tormenting Snape (and Snape drops the slur, Lily abandoning him) is horrifying to read. And it’s clearly one of many moments over many years of this group of boys sexually harassing him (and yes, that was sexual harassment guys, let’s not pull out stops here).

Then we get to the joke with Lupin that... really wasn’t a joke.

The flimsy excuse we’re given in canon is that a) it was all in good fun b) Snape was so much of a coward he’d never actually go to the Shrieking Shack because he’s a big chicken. Bawk bawk bawk, Snivellus the chicken. But, well, these excuses are flimsy. 

When you get down to the bare bones of it what Sirius did there was attempted murder via his chronically ill best friend. It’s one of those actions that I simply cannot justify, even had Sirius not thought it all the way through, as boys will be boys. What was the good outcome there? Snape sees Lupin and shrieks in terror? (Only to probably run to some authority and try to get the uncontrolled werewolf the fuck off of campus, nice going Sirius) Snape gets infected with lycanthropy? Snape dies, Lupin wakes up covered in blood with the horror of knowing he ate a classmate? 

Later, we do get Sirius sort of apologizing for his behavior. But it’s at best a ‘sort of’ apology. He never admits the full horror of what he did, just how relentlessly brutal he was to Snape, or what the werewolf thing really would have ended in. Instead he goes, “yeah, James and I were kind of assholes. He grew up though, Lily married him so he couldn’t be an ass anymore! And it was Snape, Come on, Harry, it was Snape.” And Harry, messed up asshole that he himself is goes, “Yeah, it was Snape! Stupid Snape!”

I also never got the feeling he ever fully apologized to Remus. Sirius used Remus in the worst of ways, made it clear he had no respect for Remus and no compassion for his condition, and continues to treat him as a sort of secondary friend to James. I think it says a lot that Remus was able and willing to believe Sirius was guilty of murdering James and Lily in cold blood. 

Which probably gives you a hint that I think Remus/Sirius would never happen except in the most toxic of ways possible.

Basically, in a fair world, Sirius should have been expelled if not tried for the werewolf incident. However, Dumbledore plays favorites and chose the sons of two lords as opposed to the poor half blood (which I imagine cemented Snape’s path to becoming a Death Eater). And so there is some cruel irony in that Sirius was eventually jailed for something, even though it was something he didn’t do.

Now, after Azkaban, Sirius seems to have mellowed out a lot. While he’s a bit unhinged and thoughtless (his rescue attempt of Harry’s rescue attempt at the end of Order of the Phoenix) a lot of this can be seen as after effects of his stay in literally hell on Earth for over ten years. 

That said, a lot of people see him as the cool uncle character who, if Harry had been able to live with him, all would have been well. I firmly disagree. Young Sirius was, well, god knows how warped Harry would have been growing up with a young and reckless Sirius Black. After prison he’s in no condition to take care of Harry, and even says as much multiple times. Sirius is cool to hang around at a distance, but up close and personal he’d be very messed up and not at all ready to be a father to a teenage boy. 

Otherwise, Sirius was very very very gay for James Potter. Unfortunately for him, James Potter was straight and into Lily Evans. I’m sure it was a very sad day for Sirius when Lily actually said yes to James. Except not really, because James always strikes me as a “bros before hos” kind of dude. Not that I’m sure if Sirius ever admitted he was gay and in love with James, I’ve always been of the belief that pureblood culture is extremely homophobic and it just... wouldn’t come up. 

So there it is, now excuse me while I go hide behind this barrier before I get eaten alive.

[purekesseltrash]

Chapter 12 of Bury Them Deep, the final chapter, is out!

Fave Excerpt:

Mezou jammed his hands inside of his coat pockets, unsure of what to say or even do besides grin like an idiot.  Tokoyami came to a stop finally and stared at Mezou, mouth open as if he was about to speak.  He gaped for a moment more before a distinctly annoyed look came across his features.  “Fuck,” he hissed, “I had a whole speech that I was thinking up on the way here and suddenly I have found my mind to be a blank slate.”

Mezou laughed, unable to help himself, “I don’t need speeches.”

Tokoyami stepped forward to grab at Mezou’s coat, his grip firm and his face honest, “You deserve them.  I fear I am an incurable romantic and this is simply how I function.  But my words have fled like cowards and the only part of the speech that I can remember is this, but it is the important part.  Let me take you on a date.  A real one.”

“I’d like that,” Mezou said softly.

Fun Facts:

- Hand to god, I had not decided on names for all of Shouji’s siblings until I had to write them.  Thank you, Japanese Name Generator.  Though Makoto is another Sailor Moon reference.  I also had not know that Shouji’s mom was where he got his artistic eye from, though I am glad for it.

- My favorite Hip song is ‘Lake Fever’ or ‘Scared’.  I thought that the lyric in Lake Fever was ‘You whispered Courage’ for the longest time, legitimately until I checked the lyrics to write the pivotal fucking scene only to find out that no, it was ‘hurry’.  It all worked out, thank GOD.

- IDK if anyone noticed, but I ship them as Tokoshouji, as opposed to Shoutoko.  I like the idea of Tokoyami being one taking the initiative better and it seems to fit his character anyway.  I don’t see this dynamic often and it drives me nuts because I could write an ESSAY on why it works so well.  Idk.

- Not even gonna lie, the last Mic segment made me cry.  It was like my final good bye to everyone reading, it’s personal.  And it’s basically me peeking out there, as opposed to just Mic.  For all of hockey’s shitty aspects, it’s the best game in the world.  I love it and I want it to be good and I will do what I can to make it be good.

More stuff under the read more about my future plans with this universe:

- So I have written a chapter and a half of an Erasermic prequel, basically telling the story of what happened when Shouta retired and ended up drugged to the gills and numb to the world at Hizashi’s doorstep, despite the two of them not having seen each other in legitimately over 10 years.

- I also have a side story of Kirishima and Bakugou, both with an idea of how they got together as well as what happens to them when they get to the NHL.  (Spoilers:  Kirishima does not have a good time as the first out and gay NHLer.  He basically gets buried in the minors despite being legitimately good.  Eventually he finally quits hockey way too young.  Bakugou meanwhile is a generational talent and is legit too good to bury in the minors.  When Kirishima retires, Bakugou flies to Tokoyami and Shouji’s house, where Kirishima is licking his wounds, and is like ‘Marry me.’  Kirishima tells him that he’s only going to say yes if Bakugou proposes with a Cup ring and Bakugou is like ‘Bet’.

- I also have one in mind on Ojiro and Shinsou.  They had an amicable breakup when they graduated, both understanding that the life of a hockey wife wasn’t gonna work for Ojiro.  Ojiro went on to meet a super cool alt girl through the info sec community and they got married and had a daughter.  They end up splitting up amicably when their daughter is around 7 and split custody without much of an issue.  Ojiro works remotely and lives in what is basically a lake cabin up in northern Minnesota.  He and Shinsou have kept in touch and when Shinsou finally retires, he comes to visit Ojiro.  The fic would go over them meeting up again.

- And then, of course, there’s Shouji and Tokoyami.

They get their shitty apartment in Atlanta.  Kenta helps them with the deposit and also goes with Shouji as he tries to find one.  Shouji ends up getting taken on by Orca, a buddy of Loder’s who generally doesn’t take Midwestern farm boys on as apprentices but he makes an exception, despite the fact that his work very afro centric.  Shouji is a nice guy though and a damned hard worker and has a good eye so Orca keeps him on for a long while.  Shouji still ends up picking up a bunch of odd jobs here and there, mostly grunt work like putting up drywall, but it gets him and Tokoyami through the absolute agony that is legal school.

Tokoyami goes into intellectual property law.  He knows how much work goes in to art and creative stuff and he wants to protect people like Shouji.  He ends up making a pretty nice living and they’re able to pay off the credit card debt that they accumulated during Tokoyami going through law school.  Shouji actually starts doing pretty well for himself too, mostly with his pottery but still with some sculpture.  Eventually Tokoyami proposes that they move to Raleigh, both because it makes sense for both of them and their jobs and well... because they have a hockey team.

Shouji never gave up hockey.  He had some years right after college where he did struggle to even look at his gear.  He had told his parents that he was gay and not going to the NHL over the phone as they were planning to come to his graduation, because he just couldn’t take them wasting money when he knew that they would never want to talk to him again.  Unfortunately, he was right.  Kenta still came to his graduation though and had two bullhorns that he slammed the entire time that Shouji was accepting his diploma.  He even brought Shouji his own pride flag and insisted on taking a picture with him holding it.  He posted the picture on his facebook with a very bold pronouncement that he was very proud of the first Shouji to get a college degree and how anyone that had a problem with his little brother could take it up with Kenta.  Still, Shouji went through some real mourning with the loss of his family and he took a small break.

But then he came back to it, once they started to get a little extra spending money.  He found a beer league group in Atlanta and started to really get back into the game, researching ways to improve in his downtime.  It got a little weird sometimes at the beer league games because sometimes Shouji would forget that he’d decided to wear eyeshadow or would forget that he had on entirely wrong undergarments but everyone accepts that goalies are weird so it was accepted.  Eventually he ends up having people ask him to coach for their kids, which he is loathe to do until Tokoyami points out that it’s better than Shouji do it, as someone who knows how damaging expectations and pressure can be, than anyone else.  So that becomes a little part time job of his.

Everything isn’t perfect for Shouji and Tokoyami.  Nothing is perfect.  Tokoyami is a borderline hoarder and Shouji can’t stand mess and that causes them to fight enough that they wisely seek counselling. But they’re happy.  Tokoyami eases up on the goth stuff and accepts his accent a bit more, though he still dresses in dark colors, especially for court.  Shouji actually gets to play around a little with the whole genderqueer thing and makes up for the time that he spent avoiding anything that would make him seem too gay.  And they still work really well together, becoming the pair that everyone from college kind of groans at, because they’re so ridiculously in love, but also envies.

They get season tickets to the Carolina Hurricaines.  You’ll see them with Tokoyami in a Devils jersey and Shouji with one of many from his massive collection.  Tokoyami will make comments here and there during the game, showing that he does actually listen when Shouji talks about goalie stuff and they only ever miss a game for gallery openings or work events.  Otherwise, they are there in their seats, holding hands and watching the game.

Feel free to ask me any questions!  I’m more than happy to talk about this, if you couldn’t tell.  (Also, I do have some half written smut so uh.... yeah.)

[thefledglingdm]

Umm can I request directors commentary for literally any Leopika fic you’ve written??? Love your stuff!

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

ahhahaha thank you so much! yes, absolutely! this is going to be long, because i have decided to do that scene in light of my life, pain of my ass. beware LONG BULLSHIT and spoilers below the cut!

ok to set the scene. i was TERRIFIED to write this part. because this is the climax, you know? we've had 150k words of build-up and emotional tension to this scene. while this has been a romantic story, this is the actual climax of the story. we've spent all this time in kurapika's head as he's dealt with his anxiety, his need for control, his fear of letting go. how he's changed as he's opened up his heart and his life to people outside. and finally he's actually working through all of his emotions and the progress he's made out loud, in front of everyone. and because he forgot about giving his speech until like five minutes before (sorry, kp), he is forced to speak from the heart.

For five agonizing seconds, Kurapika stood alone in the middle of a silent room. Above him, the string lights coalesced into a single shared point of soft white light that illuminated his space.

i so wish this could be adapted to, like, netflix or made into a movie. i put so much into this imagery. the play on light? the cinnamon topography? *chef's kiss* yes please netflix CALL ME.

Everyone in his life was staring at him expectantly, Pairo and Altair and Gon and Killua and Nanika and Alluka and Kalluto and his parents. And approximately a hundred other people on top of that, extended family on both sides, industry insiders, coworkers. All staring at him and waiting for him to say something amazing and powerful and deep about love and what did Kurapika know about love, anyway? He was a thirty-two year old trans man so terrified of his own emotions, so paralyzed by his fear of loss, that he did not figure out he was in love with his best friend until three weeks ago.

this is me screwing the knife in deeper for poor kurapika, sorry. this is so incredibly horrifying for a person with anxiety, as someone with anxiety. behold, the terrifying ordeal of being known.

Five seconds. Kurapika finally found Leorio standing near the back, leaning against the bar. He wondered if Leorio picked the same spot where they sat together the very first time they came here on purpose. Leorio sent him a wink and a thumbs-up.

the terrifying ordeal of being known and being so, so loved anyway. it was great to write in a way that showed leorio realized he was in love with kurapika first (indeed, realized that kurapika was in love with him before kurapika knew himself), because these little interactions shows so much how leorio is inviting and allowing kurapika to come to him on his own time. and supporting him the whole way, because they are friends!!!!

Breathe, Kurapika thought. Just breathe. It’s going to be okay.

this statement was not supposed to be a running theme/motif, but i'm super glad it did! i wrote it as a one-off line for melody, but then i was like, hang on, that's kinda good? every other time i write i'm like, hey, you could make a theme out of this!

“Um,” Kurapika started, his voice cracking. Christ, he sounded seventeen again. He cleared his throat.

my friends told me about how their voices changed and dropped on T. any trans person is stronger and more powerful than any us marine.

“For those of you who may not know, I’m Pairo’s brother. Kurapika. His older one, just to be clear.”

this is definitely something that has happened like a hundred times.

There was a smattering of chuckles around the room. He twisted to look at Pairo. “I’ve known Pairo since he was a toddler dragging a ragged, threadbare T-Rex plushie around behind him. I was there when he read his first chapter book on his own – Dino Hunter, of course – because he came bursting into my room at two o’clock in the morning to tell me about it.” Another round of laughter. “I was there when he got his first notebook, when he won his first writing contest, when he was published in his first magazine. I was the first person he told about liking boys instead of girls. I’ve watched him grow and learn and fall in love. And now Altair is part of our family, too.”

pairo and kurapika's lives as brothers were amazing. dino hunter is a reference to the book they both read in the manga that led to kurapika wanting to leave the kurta and explore the world.

i also thought that writing fit pairo well because it's a pretty accessible career for his eyes. he could type, he could enhance the screen and font when he needed, and he could do talk-to-type. one day i want to write a side-story of when pairo and altair met, because i have it perfectly formulated in my head and it's adorable.

Kurapika took a deep breath, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. He confessed, “To be perfectly honest, I was scared when Pairo asked me to do this, because I’ve run out of things to teach him. He’s run on ahead of me in life. Settled down, moved in with his boyfriend – now husband, congratulations on that by the way – and gotten married, while I’m perpetually single and living alone in my loft apartment with an absolutely spoiled monster of a cat. Stop laughing, that wasn’t supposed to be a joke.”

emperor the cat was also not intended to be a character. i came up with him like, right before i started writing the chapter.

i think it was hard for kurapika to watch his brother fall in love and move on ahead in life. even if he was genuinely happy for them both. i had a conversation with a coworker a few months ago where we both talked about how we feel like we are "behind," even though we're both very accomplished. she felt like she was "behind" because i have a master's degree; i felt like i was "behind" because she was happily married and already had a child on the way (who is here and beautiful and perfect). and i imagine kurapika wondered if he was falling behind or missing something when he saw his brother succeed in love and business without really trying.

but there's no competition at all, of course. the world spins on, and we grow and change and find our place in our own time. there's no race.

The room quieted again. Kurapika went on, his eyes flicking over the crowd. He was starting to smile, too, now.

he's starting to realize this is okay, he's not going to mess up, he may actually have something worthwhile to say or share. he's getting more comfortable in all this.

“But I’m also a wedding planner – I know, ironic – and I’ve learned a lot about love from my clients. So if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to share some of those lessons now.”

No one from the back shouted at him to shut the fuck up, that he didn’t have a single clue what he was talking about, so he thought he was safe to carry on.

how funny would that have been??? like, it would have been fucked-up and humiliating, but in any other situation?? hilarious. just killua looking like that dude in mean girls being like HE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE except it's like HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.

He thought back to Light of My Life’s various couples, musing over their own rocky paths to the altar and the beautiful, fractured glimpses into their lives they gifted Kurapika and his team. What did they teach him? What did they teach his heart, that terrifying, terrified lump of meat frantically beating in his chest?

More than you think, his heart seemed to be telling him. Trust me; I will guide you through this. Trust me, trust me, trust me.

*"listen to your heart" plays in the background*

also like. trusting oneself and your perceptions and your feelings and your heart is so necessary. it's an important part of healing. and being honest with yourself and your feelings is part of a foundation for all healthy relationships, i think.

also i really like writing alliteratively. the play on words with "terrifying, terrified" was. inspired? terrifying, because kurapika for a long time feared his own heart and feelings, viewing them as a loss of control; and terrified, because his heart is afraid, too. and they are taking this leap together!

And Kurapika explained: “Love isn’t just found in eloquent professions or grand, romantic gestures. It’s supporting each other through your lowest, worst moments and coming out the other side stronger for it. It’s standing together, hand in hand, against the world. It’s in looking at someone simply existing in the world and seeing them as they are: good, beautiful, strong, intelligent, kind. It’s in your communication and your foundation and trusting that all good things will come together in time. It’s in the family that you build together. It’s in the work you each put in to get through the hard times. Together.”

me: yeah uh-huh jj you really did summarize the fic so far.

this is also where i started being sappy and thinking about love. friendly and romantic love. the love i've seen in my friends, the love i feel myself in my relationships.

There. That’s what his clients taught him. Menchi and Buhara; Morena and Theta; Pokkle and Ponzu; Knov and Morel; Knuckle and Shoot; Canary and Amane. But so many more people showed him what love was. He pictured Pairo and Altair on his couch, laughing at him and judging him and helping him put his own puzzle-piece heart together into something cohesive and beautiful. He smiled at his brothers and saw the way they were clutching each others hands, mouths beaming and eyes dewy.

they LOVE their brother so MUCH. their view of the outside looking in for the past year, watching kurapika fall in love, go soft, be happier than they've ever seen him.

He told them, “It’s in the way you can communicate in gestures and looks, and sometimes, without looking at all. It’s in banter and private jokes and finishing each other’s sentences. It’s in casual touches and... pouring their coffee before your own.”

my coffee is never as good as when my partner makes it. my honey-lemon tea is never as good as it is when my partner makes it. my jokes are never as funny as they are when my partner and i finish each other's sentences, build off of each other's quips. we can communicate across rooms with nothing but a look. these little signs of love are everywhere and expressed in so many tiny ways. these examples here are between people in romantic relationships, but these apply to platonic friendships as well.

His eyes swept the room and found Killua and Gon. Gon had his camera hefted onto one shoulder, and Killua stood behind him, arms around his waist and chin on his shoulder. “It’s on the first day you wake up and realize the way you look at the world has changed. The way you open your hands and your heart and give what you have, simply for the joy of being received.”

to love? transcendent. to be loved? incandescent. to love and know that it is valued and cherished and requited?

and this was a callback to killua talking about, of course, how he fell in love with gon like melting ice. like sinking into a bath. and this was also a quieter callback to how gon fell in love. because it wasn't just that he had/has so much love to give, but because for the first time in his life, he got to see it truly received. accepted.

Kurapika saw Killua’s breath catch and Gon’s hand flex over the fingers interlaced over his middle. Heedless of their surroundings and of the running camera, Gon twisted to kiss Killua on the mouth.

SMOOCHES ahahaha!

He turned his head back to Leorio. The man had not moved; indeed, he looked like he was nailed to the floor. His eyes were so intense as they watched him that Kurapika was almost surprised he had not yet burst into flame. Kurapika said, “It’s in the moment you see someone you’ve never met before, but you look at them and just know, to your core, that this is really going to be something.”

leorio realizing something is happening here. something huge is about to happen, is about to change. and he's trying so hard not to dare to hope it might be good. it might be everything.

A chorus of oohs went around the room. Even from this distance Kurapika saw the way Leorio’s face went red, and he ducked his chin, looking bashful and embarrassed.

leorio: holy shit holy shit holy SHIT IT'S HAPPENINGGGG

How was I such a fool before, Kurapika wondered, How was I so blind, so willfully ignorant and oblivious. How did it take me so long to realize you were talking about me. I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. I’m sorry I made you wait for so long.

this is important because it's not just kurapika realizing and accepting his feelings for leorio. this is kurapika's version of realizing that leorio feels the same for him. leorio is in love with him, too. and he's wondering how it was possible he was so scared and blind for so long. he fears he may have hurt leorio by holding off on this for so long, so he wants to be brave, take the leap, and see what they could be.

Kurapika did not want this man to wait another second. He did not want Leorio to spend another moment trapped in this limbo. So he confessed in the middle of a silent room in front of over a hundred people, “It's the first time you hear them laugh, and your entire world’s axis shifts beneath your feet.”

i remember the first time i met my partner. i remember the first time i looked at them and felt my world shift a little to the right. i remember falling in love and thinking that this one was unlike all the others. it was warm, golden, comforting.

Kurapika watched the confused frown on Leorio’s face when he heard that, amused by the almost puppyish tilt to his head as he considered it. He knew the moment Leorio realized what he meant when his eyes blew wide, amazed and awed and achingly soft. His lips parted.

gOD he is so CUTE. he's like oh hmm huh what does that mean

and then he remembers

i promise, he's not a huge dickwad!

and leorio laughing at gon's accidental gaffe and his sweet earnestness. and kurapika walking in. leorio realizing kurapika wanted to know him before they ever even met.

Kurapika made himself turn away from the arresting sight. “One of my favorite venues lately was the Roseview Ballroom downtown. Among its many beautiful, gaudy attractions are its murals depicting scenes from Shakespeare’s plays all across the ceiling. One is a famous quote from Twelfth Night: ‘journeys end in lovers meeting, every wise man’s son doth know.’ But the more I think about it, the less I agree.”

i'm such a WHORE for shakespeare, as any readers of mine will know. check out my modern college adaptation of much ado about nothing.

He turned to meet Pairo’s eyes again, repeating, “‘Journeys end in lovers meeting.’ But nothing is ending here. It’s just changing.”

life does not end when we start relationships! or when they end! or when we move, change jobs, graduate, go to school, drop out of school. happy endings in stories still aren't endings. the greatest constant in life is change.

“Because what I’ve learned in this job, Pairo and Altair, what nugget of wisdom I have to give you, is this. Love is looking at a world that can be terrifying, cold, capricious, and indifferent, and finding the person whose hand you want to hold through it all anyway. Because you want every laugh, every tear, every wrinkle, every spark of joy. Love is life’s greatest leap of faith, because you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. But you know exactly who you want to spend all those tomorrows with.”

me finishing this: dammit i just wrote out my wedding vows.

Kurapika looked around the room again. At Gon and Killua; at Kalluto, Nanika, and Alluka; at his parents; at his brothers. At Leorio.

He concluded, “So you simply breathe. And you trust it will be okay.”

There wasn’t a dry eye in the room when Kurapika dropped the microphone.

DAMN ME TOO THIS SHIT WAS GOOD TF?????? sorry my writing has peaked here.

[eurydicees]

theatre club au time!!! i’m back with the romeo and juliet edition of “eurydicees just write the fucking fic instead of daydreaming about it” 

theatre club au hcs are also here: part one and part two!! 

disclaimer: there was absolutely no editing nor proofreading here, i’m watching romeo + juliet and haven’t read the real script in years, and i really don’t know what i’m talking about

so. for the fall show, one year, they decide to do romeo and juliet, because obviously, you know? 

renge directs, kyoya is her stage manager

hikaru is romeo, haruhi is juliet; tamaki is mercutio, kaoru is benvolio; idk about the rest of the cast, let’s pretend they don’t matter for the sake of this list (filing the rest of the cast list under: problems for when i actually write this stupid fic) 

honey is on lighting, mori is on set and stage combat, mei is on props and costumes, kasanoda is on sound 

so in the ouran theatre club, there’s not really a big rivalry between techies and actors because there’s only a few of them, so they all switch between roles so often (ex. kaoru is 50% actor and 50% costumes; tamaki is 50% actor, 50% director) 

HOWEVER. then, right before the fall production of r&j, hikaru says some dumbass comment about actors having more work to do than techies, and being more important, etc. etc. some bullshit like that

and this causes a HUGE rift in between the techies and the actors for this show specifically— they’re all mad at each other bc of this comment; kaoru is pissed at his brother, kyoya thinks that tamaki endorsed said comment, hikaru isn’t sure why he said it in the first place, haruhi thinks this is all ridiculous but kaoru is being an asshole about it and so they’re mad at him; etc. etc. 

so this show is uh. not coming together very well, because no half wants to work with the other half, and none of them are talking to each other 

then. THEN. THEN. THEN. 

tamaki and kyoya fall in love. 

they start a secret affair together, telling no one, because they know that everyone in the club is mad at everyone else, and saying that they’re dating is just gonna add fuel to the fire, especially bc it’s an actor/sm relationship, which is a bit weird (it’s high school, though, so whatever. once this all blows over, they’ll be a #powercouple) 

things come to a head during one rehearsal, where they’re doing mercutio’s death scene 

so tamaki is acting. he’s going all out. like. he’s giving this speech as if it’s the last performance he’ll ever give. it’s brilliant. beautiful. stan. 

and when he’s done, mei makes some comment about it “needing lights to make it look any good,” as if he can’t make it good on his own, and tamaki is so hurt by this. like. so hurt. 

renge calls for the end of rehearsal, bc hikaru is abt to like. go to war in defense of tamaki’s acting, and kaoru is just mad at hikaru, so he’s also ready to argue (bc they’re at a good enough place in their relationship to do that!!!) 

kyoya, in an attempt to cheer him up, brings tamaki out for dinner, but they have to be discreet, so they go to some commoner place. this is where all the pining Hits. then they finally, finally, actually start dating. 

as we go through the rehearsal and production meeting process, the scenes that they rehearse are interspersed with fluffy scenes of tamakyo falling in love, idk how all that would get worked in right, but it would make it in there because fuck it, yk? 

the rivalry was kind of simmering for a while, but then they doing their stop and go rehearsal, which is always an rip, but here it’s the first time in a hot sec that the entire production team and the actors are in the same room 

the actors keep goofing off and moving around, so honey can’t get things quite where he needs them; the actors are talking loudly, so kasanoda is fucked (but too shy to say something abt it, until mori tells honey, who tells renge, who stands up for them all)

and a (verbal) fight breaks out— kyoya, the eversuffering sm is losing his mind over here. 

he is done with this shit 

so he calls hold, and renge gives a speech about cooperation, and then everyone kind of shuts down. no on is having fun with being in theatre anymore. kasanoda is two insults away from quitting. mei is two broken seams away from physically fighting someone. 

things are not going well 

after rehearsal, tamaki and kyoya have their standing secret date night at some commoner’s place, idk where yet, we’ll figure that out when this actually gets written as a fic, and then. that’s when they get caught. 

it’s renge who finds them— and she’s angry. she goes on this whole rant about professionalism. the stage manager cannot be dating an actor. it’s a conflict of interest. it’s unprofessional. it’s scandalous. she will not have it in her theatre. 

then tamaki points out. that she is here on a date with haruhi. 

fuckin’ hypocrite. 

the four of them have a cute double date bc fuck it. i make the rules now. and they realize that this is bullshit and they’re never going to pull together a show if they keep on arguing like this

but they don’t really know how to fix it???? 

it eventually kind resolves itself when renge, who cannot keep a secret for the life of her, accidentally reveals that she and haruhi are dating— they’re in the dressing room, and renge just kisses them, not realizing that kaoru and mei are arguing over kaoru’s costume in there

everyone is very upset for a moment, until they crack because kaoru and mei are both kinda hopeless romantics, and a star-crossed love is exactly what they needed to make the show come together

meanwhile, tamaki and hikaru are practicing mercutio’s queen mab monologue (for the #drama of the moment), and kyoya is taking notes or w/e, and when they pause, hikaru asks abt tamaki’s inspiration for his acting and what feelings he’s drawing on 

and tamaki is just like *looks at kyoya* “i have my own love” 

i’m gonna be honest i super worked myself into a hole here and i have absolutely no idea how to end this

unlike shakespeare, i cannot kill off all the characters in order to have a resolution to my work 

taking suggestions for an ending i guess. anything would be better than whatever this mess is rn