#also if you're like so and so should of been xyz i agree lol

[capinejghafa]

lowkey work really hard on the last set and im not 100% sure on it... but also if i see one mean comment... i’m gonna cry bc ugh the idea wasn’t completed lol

[transmutationisms]

have you heard about HOCD (homosexual obsessive disorder)? i discovered this recently (which is not in the DSM "yet" but many therapists will still "diagnose" it). i'm perplexed, it seems like a way to add "homosexuality" back into the DSM without officially doing so. i've been trying to read up on it and it feels like it might just be... repressed homosexuality? internalized homophobia? there's a whole subreddit for it that mostly consists of "i looked at a guy today, could i be gay?!" and the responses like "don't worry brother, you're straight, just believe in yourself." (also, the description of HOCD seems to erase a lot of sexualities between gay and straight? and also how people tend to think a lot about their sexuality anyway?) what do you think, is this fake, insidious, or what

yep some patients and practitioners do refer to 'subtypes' of ocd, where this (or the broader 'sexual orientation ocd') are one such label. i don't actually know of any sustained effort to add these sub-labels to the dsm and i wouldn't expect to see such a thing unless and until someone starts marketing specific drugs or therapeutic modalities matched to particular 'subtypes'---dsm labels being insurance company billing codes

anyway i agree this label is ripe for use by people who simply want to discourage gay people existing (there is a corresponding and equally insidious 'gender identification' subtype these days as well) but fundamentally i do think this comes back to the idea that sexuality is some kind of discoverable, essential quality buried deep inside each of us, rather than a particular social-scientific taxonomical scheme attempting to capture and classify some of our extremely complex and personal thoughts and behaviours. i don't think it's actually very helpful to tell anyone with any kind of 'sexual orientation ocd' that what they need is, like, a qualified professional who can examine them mentally and root out the traces of Unwanted Fake Sexuality Thoughts, whether this goes in the direction of fearing you're gay or fearing you're straight or anything else.

i've always said it's fine to use a sexuality label if it feels right for you, no scrupulosity test required; similarly, i just don't think it's feasible to sit there all day trying to sort out which desires are real or fake. you can just act on them, or not, and it doesn't actually mean your soul has moved into some alternate categorical state either way lol. like i really just don't find it useful or accurate in general, the idea that there's some deeper, pre-social level of ourselves that we can or should discover. it's all contextual, gay desires equally to straight ones. basically you can do what you want forever and you actually don't have to torment yourself over how it reflects onto any mythologised notion of a stable or unitary Self. i think this is a much more incisive way of stopping the obsessional cycle of any ocd presentation than getting strategies for how to verify to yourself that you 'really are' xyz forever and endlessly 👍

[gemsofthegalaxy]

i was on MensRights reddit for two seconds because i saw a video asking "does society hate single men?" and was looking for the video that that video was replying to and like,

i will say, as a woman i definitely have made generalizations about the state of society/men/certain groups of people, i think everyone is prone to doing that, so the statements i reference are probably hyperbolic. and that's honestly a fair enough thing to do, within reason. I am guilty of saying "men xyz" but of course not all men xyz, and similarly not all women xyz either.

but, when i see men being like "women have such an easy time dating, they can pick anyone they want, yada yada" like. bruh. have you ever talked to a fat women? a woman who is not 100% conventionally attractive? someone who doesn't live in a major city in a place like the US? because i've been on and off dating sites for a bit of time now and it is not that easy lmao i get some matches here and there but hardly anyone talks to me. i could stand to put myself out there more, but, according to these men by virtue of being a woman i should have people flocking to me. in reality, most of my conversations die off before anyone suggests going on A Date.

and on the flip side, if you are a conventionally attractive person getting tons of matches that might sound fun but i'm sure it's also stressful to try to find a good individual that you actually click with. "men" and "women" aren't dating a whole population, most people who are dating dating, are trying to find ONE individual to date and be with. yes poly people exist but i'm not gonna act like they're the majority of people lol and yes my examples have been heteronormative too because i'm talking about people talking on a MensRights forum.

anyway, making yourself vulnerable and open to a bunch of people vying for your attention probably isn't fully pleasant all the time either, even if it might be a better problem to have than having nobody talk to you.

dating just kind of sucks in general. trying to find a genuine connection with someone that you want to last isn't easy. unfortunately putting yourself out there and going places and doing things is one of the better bets, and even then, although i agree everyone deserves love and romance and a sex life (if they wish) they are also not owed it from any specific person and it's not guaranteed.

all in all. if you're single and don't wanna be have some grace for yourself and for the others in the sea.

[phoneybeatlemania]

hey bestie! if you're still doing the beatles asks: 6, 7, 8, and 11 (sorry if that's a lot lol)

I am still answering asks! I didn’t get many cause Im kind of irrelevant atm since I haven’t made much effort to be an actual part of the fandom since about November. But yeah, idk—if you want my take on things NOW IS THE TIME TO ASK since its Easter holidays and after this its going to be only revision until June and I will, once again, be back to Irrelevance :(

Re: Fun Beatles Asks

btw its 12:30am now so idk if my writing makes sense here, but ill edit tomorrow lol.

6. Share a spicy take.

Hmmmm….musically, Help! as an album is pretty meh. For a lot of people I think it marks the beginning of their descent into the Post-Rubber Soul period, and they Get The Hype. But idk man—I think theres plenty of bops, plenty of bangers, but all-in-all I cant really think of any tracks that Really Do It For Me, y’know?

[That really wasn’t that spicy, but when Im put on the spot and try to think of SPICY TAKES, my brain can only think of pretty lame ones that we all probably agree with tbh]

Also, I don’t wanna be annoying here, but as a fandom I don’t feel like we make much effort to point out that John and Mays relationship fundamentally was Fucked. Ill refrain from saying “we don’t talk about [XYZ] enough!!!” cause ik that’s annoying—but idk man, it took awhile for it to really occur to me that Actually No sleeping with your assistant is……not okay :/ Im not saying we have to #CancelJohnLennon for it, or even that the entire relationship was a bad thing (because despite it being about as complicated as any of Johns relationships, there clearly were a lot of positives within their relationship; and also, I wouldn’t want to wholly-vilify John whilst wholly-victimising May, because that would be reductive too, and May Pang obviously doesn't want that), I just feel like we should acknowledge it a little more, y’know? Just keep it in mind.

7. What is a Beatles-discourse topic that needs to die?

Im not sure if Im going to explain this particularly well, and I guess its not even really a “discourse topic”, its more-so just a facet to discourse—but I really think that responding to something with an [irrelevant] comparison needs to die. So like, if were critiquing John for something, then I *hate* seeing someone respond with “Okay but why don’t we talk about [insert something annoying about Paul]” (and vice-versa; it’s not just John fans who do this but Paul fans too ofc). Another example would be if we’re talking about Mimi, then bringing up Jim probably isn’t relevant. Its just an evasive technique, and I really don’t see what purpose it serves. They’re all separate people, so just judge and analyse them separately. If we don’t talk about XYZ enough then just………..go start the conversation, but do it in your own post. 

[Having said this, I recognise that on occasion good comparisons can be made to highlight double-standards or hypocrisy etc. But I just think 99.9% of the time people utilise comparative arguments to detract from an actual point, rather than making an effort to actually address it, and its just really…..boring and unnecessary.]

8. What do you think makes the Beatles fandom uniquely fun? 

I love this question!! :)

I feel like the Beatles fandom can be such a perfect combination of artistic appreciation, pop-culture analysis and psychoanalysis! When I talk to people irl, I always tell them that the Beatles are best heard in context, because theres just something so sad but beautiful about seeing their artistic progressions corresponding to their relationships. Like the whole stories there just within the songs, and idk man, I just think that’s beautiful. 

11. What is your favourite aspect of their artistry outside the songs themselves?

Im honestly *obsessed* with their fashion! Ive been trying to find some vintage 60’s clothes to resemble theirs (especially Georges and Glyn Johns in GB) because they’re just SO fun and original and I Love Them :))

[jonathanrichman]

as a fat person, like, thank you so much? i get so aggravated when i see slim girls complain about their fat, talk about how much weight they’ve gained or how big their bellies are when it’s objectively not true. equating that to “oppression olympics” is so wrong lol, like both living in a war zone and having depression sucks. objectively. however, being fat doesn’t HAVE to suck. i dont suffer from my fatness, i suffer from how people perceive it and therefore me. i suffer from disgusted looks i get from strangers, from their remarks, from how people get free passes to discriminate as long as it’s against a fat person. when i see skinny ppl complain abt being fat, all i hear is “being fat is the worst thing you could possibly be” and society proves them right EVERY SINGLE TIME. every time my skinny friend told me she’s fat in my presence, it ruined my self esteem too. it hurts me and i can’t tell anyone because it’s so ingrained in my head that i SHOULD hate myself for being fat, and i do. but again, its not because i’m fat but because society tells me every day that i have no worth and that i’m undesirable.

Yeah of course!

Like....I've been on both ends of the spectrum, and people would not believe how insanely different I would get treated based on how much I weighed even though I was the same person lol.

OBJECTIVELY, IN SOCIETY, being thin is seen as a virtue, and being fat is seen as a personal failure.

And on a personal note, whenever anyone "skinny-shamed" me, I was literally high off the endorphins because I knew it was secretly a compliment lol. I would be internally vibrating with happiness whenever anyone said I was getting "too small". Like being "too thin" means your suffering is beautiful and people want to take care of you and nourish you back to health. Being "too fat" means you're lazy and a slob and you have no self-control.

And you fucking know what? Looking back on it, maybe not consciously, I would complain about being "too fat" when I was thin because I knew people would reassure me that I was thin lol. When fat people complain about being fat, people either agree and go, "yeah that sucks", or compare them to even bigger people and say, "at least you're not as big as XYZ".

Did I feel fat? Yeah, definitely. Did I know that compared to other people I wasn't fat? Also yeah lol. I was just being selfish and thinking about only myself. And I don't have pity for past me for doing that!!!!! I feel bad that I felt fat, but no one made me post about that on tumblr dot com!!!!!!! Or make comments about it in front of my bigger friends!!!!

[vodcar]

i agree with parts of that post but i fundamentally reject that "living as trans" happens in interaction with others. thats almost always pretext for "you're not your gender until you look xyz or do xyz", basically the same idea that you're not a woman until you "live as a woman", which is something that somehow keeps remaining unexamined for its cissexism and the harm in those societal norms. and it makes it impossible for non-binary folk to "exist" because they are not acknowledged by society

thanks for ur thoughts felix !! definitely an aspect i didnt think about on the post.So first up in response, I think that you’re absolutely right about the danger of making transness or ur gender as something that always and only is about how others perceive you. I dont like this point of view at all (thanks, contrapoints).However, on second reading, I wouldn’t be so quick as to nail the post down to this point, I think the post absolutely does incorporate that position of self-realisation and actualisation of one’s own gender:

our transness takes shape and acquires consequence in relation to the world; it is a certain set of behaviors and relationships to our selves, our bodies, and others that place us in opposition to gender as a social system

transness is a way of living, in relation to yourself and the world, and no one needs a psychiatric diagnosis to live a trans life.

so yeah, here i reckon there’s absolutely scope for placing an emphasis on one’s own relationship with oneself. My reading here is that in considering this relationship to the world and the ‘opposition to gender’ we can (and imo must) place our own subjectivity first. When i was interrogating my gender, and questioning the feelings i was having when being gendered as how i was then perceived, it was about the internal thoughts, feelings, and responses i was having when going up against the world. for me, this was the thing that first let me know that something was up, and i eventually found that womanhood was the place that i wanted, and realised later that i have always wanted, to be. Further, this is what matters most to me moving forwards with my transition and my womanhood, my lesbianism. And it is here that similarly i find comfort, fulfilment, and a kind of primacy that allows me to make sense of my life ever since i was a kid.

On to the second point about ‘comforting’ ‘essentialism’ here. I’ll admit that I’m not 100% sure what your second ask means, so pls help me out if i get something off.To clarify this point:

we continue to fixate on the idea of an essential transness because it gives us comfort, as well as the easiest answers.

I think the post is not saying “if you find your identity comforting, it’s essentialism, which is bad.” but instead saying “basing transness on essentialism is done because its comforting, which isn’t necessarily right or a good thing to do.”So like, its not: “oh you’re comfortable with being a man? that must be essentialist!” but rather: “If you say, ‘I was born this way, [or] i was a woman trapped in a man’s body’ you’re finding comfort in an essentialism.”(im not going to say more because im not sure i understand the last bit of your ask: “and considering that as a self independent of behaviours or how i'm perceived by others is not "comforting" to me, which is so often used as a word that dismisses some experiences in lieu of others'.”)I will say that there does seem to be, as you rightfully point out, a tendency for the left in trans theory, to see the system of gender as something that is oppressive and therefore any experience with it must be uncomfortable or degrading. To a large extent I agree with the analysis of gender as a system is something to be suspicious of, in late capitalism especially, however, I disagree with the motion that therefore we must disengage with gender totally, or always find it traumatic to exist within no matter what.My disagreement comes in two parts:1. it often then makes a call for the abolition of gender no matter what, disregarding many native traditions of gender and alternative systems of gender arose and still function largely (if not entirely) outside of western/capitalist constructs. Denying gender carte blanche without applying a postcolonial or aptly historical materialist lens to the case often leads to racist conclusions. I also think that it does try to tack on an ‘if’ or a ‘but’ to trans people’s identification by placing conditions on that identification that do not exist in the world, and only exist by means of a thought experiment. “if gender was abolished, would there be trans people?” “If dysphoria was no longer a thing, would trans people still need surgery?” I think these questions only ever point to a utopian project in which the material conditions in which things like ‘trans’ and ‘gender’ are completely changed beyond recognition. Systems of gender have been in place for most of human history, and employed to various levels of discrimination or celebration. to eliminate these things, it would take the destruction of capitalism and probably a thousand years at least, by which time technologies, social relations, everything, would have changed so completely -so what is the point of time-travelling trans people to this realm? go read about indigenous history if you’re that interested in alternative approaches to gender.2. i think it moves away from what we should actually be doing in the real world with regards to trans rights activism which is advocating for the ability to freely, informatively, and consensually gender oneself. talk of throwing out gender entirely is, although illuminating at times about various subjects, fundamentally disregards the pressing issues of today such as free universal access to trans healthcare, raising kids without gendered trauma (a feminist issue as well), eliminating transphobia etc. etc..I think the post does kinda get at this stuff (in 2.), asking how medical diagnoses are effecting trans people and how we think about ourselves and the bad effects of that, and indeed how cissexist society is only ever talking to itself whilst processing trans people within it.Hope this kinda makes sense???? Again, pls feel free to hit me up with any responses, questions, or where i’ve misread you lol.