#also it’s just fitting for a bug collecting dead bugs on their body

[szkicel]

You know, lately I’ve been in a „butchification” phase where I turn my male OCs into women but I don’t change anything about their designs so they can be masculine (bc damm does this world need more masculine women)

anyway this is a woman now

A design is bound to change - probably to give her more muscles 💪

[eleanorfenyx]

I have finished Mysterious Lotus Casebook, and here are some of my thoughts! (Obviously not spoiler free)

The cases are absolutely batshit insane and I loved it every single time they were like 'we totally collected this evidence that incriminates a secret suspect, just believe us and also don't question when the fuck we had the time to do this or when we figured out that we needed to look for it'. 10/10 no notes, that's a hilarious way to have a genius detective. Show us nothing, tell us everything, YES king.

That being said, I could have done with a lot less standing around having the supporting cast repeat whatever Li Lianhua and Fang Duobing announce, maybe in an attempt to make sure their genius is clear for the audience? I get it, but at the same time it felt a little too hand-holdy for me, especially in scenes where LLH and FDB had already discussed their findings between themselves before presenting them to the concerned bystanders. I can read between the lines (or else understand what has just been explicitly stated) without having every conclusion filtered through a slightly different sentence structure to make sure I got it.

Di Feisheng amnesia arc my fuckin beloved

Di Feisheng destroying his 'father' and freeing everyone in Di manor in a vicious act of catharsis that tied nicely into the main Nanyin bug-mind-control-thing narrative my beloved

Di Feisheng my beloved

The amount of times I was like...genuinely surprised he and Li Lianhua didn't kiss is both embarrassing (because I do in fact understand censorship and what I sign up for with these dramas and yet and yet) and numerous enough that I could...possibly...theoretically..write a 5+1 fic of every time I want them to kiss about it. No one hold me to that but it's something I think I'd like to do.

Re: the above point: because what the FUCK was that ending?!!! EXCUSE ME?! I gotta FIX THAT SHIT.

There will come a day when the strength of my hope for an unambiguously happy ending in a queer(-coded? is the source originally bl or is this its own thing?) wuxia drama is rewarded....but it is not this day. I must fix this myself.

Jiao Liqiao's laugh is one of the most annoying things I've ever heard. I was reaaaaally hoping someone would just up and stab her during one of her little evil laughing fits. At one point I was shouting "KILL HER, KILL HER" at my screen because I could NOT take anymore of her (unfortunately, I did in fact have to take more of her).

I still think her insistence on being obsessed with DFS is hysterical when he is so VISIBLY only interested in LLH. Explicitly STATES that his only life purpose is to fuck fight LLH again. Babygirl (derogatory) he is so fucking gay let's get you a nice knife to the gut instead, okay?

I thought the whole Shan Gudao plot was interesting, going from looking desperately for his body -> putting him to rest -> hunting for his murderer -> finding out he's alive/the mastermind behind everything going wrong (which I was proud of myself for realizing before the reveal, I'm normally bad at that) -> thwarting him with sass and superior martial arts at every possible turn -> killing him stone fuckin dead with beginner level skills because he's so up his own hole he can't see that's what's happening - was really fun!

He also has a SUPER annoying laugh he can fuck off

OH OH OH MARTIAL ARTS SKILL OF TRANS YOUR GENDER?! I MARRIED HER SO HER AFFAIRS ARE MY BUSINESS NOT YOURS??? ASKING YOUR WIFE FOR HER FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING AS YOU LAY DYING AND SHE GIVES IT TO YOU?????? OKAYYYYYYY

The twist at the end that LLH is the one with royal blood was so funny to me. Like it's a good twist and I love that Shan Gudao was just quite literally always a fuckin try-hard loser in ways he didn't even know, but also it was SO funny. Granny coming in clutch at the last fuckin minute with secret knowledge she just literally never shared.

LLH is such a smooth motherfucker. Shame about his insistence on dying when quite literally everyone (bar the people who suck) is begging this man to just live. Just LIVE DAMN IT!!!!! I really liked it when FDB begs him to just consider his own life as important for ONCE and remember that people care about him because YES his self-sacrificing and committment to Chilling Out Farmer Style was not the mercy he thought it was!

LIVE AND GROW OLD WITH DI FEISHENG YOU DAMN IDIOT (the likelihood of me resisting the urge to write at least the one fic for them is zero to none)

Unironically love spitting up blood as a plot device and this show is no different. The Drama. The Panache. The desperation of everyone around you because you have BLOOD coming out of your MOUTH and you are FAINTING. Poison acting up? Spit blood. Someone bitch slap you with their magical palm ability? Spit blood. Get stressed? Spit blood. Get stabbed? Spit blood. It's always good!

Okay I think that might be all I've got for now, if I think of anything else I'll add them in a reblog. I thoroughly enjoyed it, would definitely recommend!

[not-5-rats]

I love being goth in Scotland /sarc (these people are so mean, like bro let me be creative-)

Bug Question/Scenario times <33333

1) Modern! AU

Be honest, ever taken an 'Am I Gay?' quiz? (Also what's ur Bugs sexuality/gender identity? I got a stupid doodle idea (it'll make sense when I show y'all))

2) Uh oh, Bodie worked hard and cooked your Bug a meal without knowing they really dislike one of the ingredients! Does your Bug tell him or just suffer through it?

3) Are they good at keeping track of their possessions or do they often lose things?

4) Bloodmoon Swap! AU

How do they hunt/kill people? What's their strategy?

5) Scenario #1 (this shit is super long I'm sorry bros)

Bug had been looking for Chester round the house for like 15 minutes, yet they couldn't find him. That was until they saw him coming out of the room his younger sisters were staying in.

He was clearly exhausted, his pasture was slouched, his eyes half-closed...he looked as though he was about to fall asleep right there. They asked why he looked like shit, he chuckled

"Daisy's sick, she couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, just kept throwing up- been watching her since like 9 last night and only now has she gone for a nap"

He dragged himself through to the living room then threw himself onto the floor beside the couch. He sat on the floor, his back resting against the couch as he sighed out of relief, finally free for a couple of minutes. Bug went and sat on the opposite side of the couch.

"...do you think I'm an alright guardian?"

Bug looked at him, clearly a bit confused by his question. They asked him to elaborate

"Y'know to Daisy and Fran. Out of all my siblings I'm the one least...suited to taking care of kids. Felix is social, caring, always got the energy to play with them, Audrey is organised, knows how to manage kids, can afford to get them the toys and shit they need! Whilst I...I'm just a grump, a sad asshole, who barely ever has any energy"

He pressed his face into his hand, rubbing his forehead as he went on

"They deserve somebody who's gonna be more involved in their life...more than I can give them. But there's no other fucking choice. Mum and Dad ain't in the equation anymore, Felix doesn't have the space for them and Audrey is so busy...they have nowhere else to go...but I'm not fit to be a parent, I'm not fit to take care of them, they need so much more. I just want them to be happy, but I don't think they are happy"

He let his head fall back on the edge of the couch, he didn't look upset, he just seemed blank. Dead even. The only hint of emotion they could see on his face was a shimmer of anger in his eyes..and that anger was towards himself.

What does bug do?

6) Do they enjoy celebrating their birthday?

7) Scenario #2 (ik I'm talking alot rn! It's the holidays I have nothing else to do rn lol)

Most of the Bugs had went out to town in order to collect some new resources, but Chester has stayed back to take care of the baby bugs. Bug had overslept that morning so by the time they woke up the Bugs were already gone...so they bad to stay behind with Chez and the little ones.

Bug and Chez had been talking bout how everything had been going the past few weeks, how the recent town visits had gone, Chez made some sort of joke which resulted in Bug giving him a rough flick to the forehead, this made him chuckle.

Suddenly Chez had to quickly run off as one of the young ones had gotten themself stuck in the top branches of a tree

As soon as he was gone though Fran appeared in his place, an unusual smile creeping on her face as she started quickly signing to Bug

'you know he really cares about you, he isn't very good at showing it but he really cares about all of you'

Bug smiled and questioned Fran on how she was so sure that he cared, she giggled before responding

'cause if he didn't he would've shut down completely when you poked him, he doesn't like people being anywhere near him let alone touch him at all'

Fran kept smiling as she looked over at her older brother, struggling immensely to get the little kid out of the tree. (Like comically on his tippee toes, arms stretched right up as the kid clung to the branches.)

Bug thought about all the times Chez had hugged them, not even just them, all the Bugs! He was always offering a hug, patting them on the back, poking them, etc...and all of it was just a big show of how much he trusted/ cared abt them

*hands the mic to you* here ya go

☆---------------☆

Tags -

@rozeliyawashereyall @willowve01 @asmrbrainrot @kaiamtt @iistxrmyskyii @insignificant-anarchy @stxph-artist @aspenm00n @keyaartz @fangsshadow @rustycopper4use @piffany666 @dreamyshape @idontevenknow7878 @lunaritychuwolf @littlesiren79 @castbracelet240 @strayharmony943 @proxdragon @tiefling-chaos @threeweekinsomnia @recated @wilderrorcard @diamondzoey @fennaboysenberry @lunnats @lightdragon789 @pinkcocopuff-aqualoid @itsargyle @astralbulldragon13 @ccstiles @puffin-smoke @fruity0salad @takashishihoin @reefhastoomanyaccs

[ldrfanatic]

Hiii! How are you?

Milk with slytherin boys please?

I apologize in advance this is my first time making a request so i hope its ok :)

Physically: i'm short 5'0, i have fair skin, rosy cheeks, i'm a little chubby, i have an hourglass body shape, a little tummy, thicc thighs, i have a small button nose, a heartshaped face, foggy green eyes, hooded lids, i have meduim size lips? If that makes sense. I have dyed copper hair, bangs, a long wolfcut type of haircut, my hair go down to the middle of my back. About me: i'm French,i can speak english, sign language and learning italian. i'm funny. I'm autistic, and i have general anxiety disorder, i have verbal tics, i often do 'pop' sounds with my mouth or reapete things out loud sometimes on a loop, (TW: I grew up in an abusing setting and i have scars, bad ones, especially on my back.) I'm insecure. My love language is giving the bigger half when i'm sharing, or giving anything really. The Way i liked to be loved is through words of affirmation and physical touch. I'm very forging, I like to make my own opinion on people, i'm the mom friends. I have a short temper when i'm stressed, i am very blunt, i'm not scared to speak my mind, of i like people i compare them to bugs or animals as they are my special intrests. If i had to describe my style it would be fairy grunge? Like long skirts, knitted sweaters (the soft kind not witchy cause few sensory issues), converses or sandales, golf jewlery i can also be dressed in full black, form fitting maxi dress with new rock or naked wolfe type of shoes. I love music, anything. And i mean it. Pop, alt, rock, metal, screamo, indie, country, rap. But mostly 2000s 2010s music for the nostalgia. My favorite s'ingère is Billie Eilish. I love doing crafts, i do crochet, i love reading books (dark romance/fantaisie/fiction) i'm a 'nerd', i love happy Potter, lord of the rings, the Hobbit, i love vampires, i love video games, such as animal crossing, SIMS unpacking, and cozy games but as the last of us, the walking dead, until dawn, the quart etc. I have a black cat. I'm a picky eater, potatos are my safe food though, i'm more of a sweet person than savory, brownies are my favorite desserts, I smell like vanilla. Roses and hydrangeas are my favorite flowers. I love trinkets, i collect pretty much any pretty thing i find, twigs, Shells, rocks, little lost things like beeds, crystals, sometimes little toys. I love plushies, i have a teddy bear and a white tiger. I'm a night owl. I love looking at the moon (i have a moon phase tattoo between my boobs. And sun tattoos around my nipples ) i also love taking pictures especially polaroid of people and animals :)

I hope that was enough, thank you for taking time out of your day to read, and thank you for writting.

Again, CONGRATS ON THE 1,000💕💃🏻

Much love ♡

Thank You Soooo Much @alygatorcow !!

1000 follower celebration my bookcase

This one took some thinking but I’m gonna pair you with our sweet Theodore Nott. I know what you might be thinking but hear me out.

Theo is a little tall but he lovesss having short girlfriends. (even if you were 5’7 tho he’d still adore you). Theo likes that you’re all cute and little and he can just hug you and you fit so easily in his arms. (I have a tall bf yall and he tells me all the time how cute and “widdle” I am).

He also adores your figure and won’t accept anything else for an answer. His mother always taught him that the most important thing in a woman is a good heart. really though, he just loves thick thighs and likes having something to hold onto.

Theo thinks that it’s really hot that you can speak French. He helps you learn italian and you try and help teach him french but he struggles enough sometimes with english so that endeavor was quickly put on hold.

At first, the noises you make are very foreign to Theodore, but once he understands them and you, he comes to appreciate them as just a part of who you are and he loves you for it.

Growing up with his father, who used to hit him and his mother, Theo also has scars. He doesn’t like to talk about them but he will with you if you want him to. More than anything, Theo tries to comfort you. He knows what it’s like to have that sort of background and when people get angry, he knows that it comes from a place of care but also he realizes that he always finds it more helpful when people are just there for him rather than when they get angry. So that’s what he does for you.

Finally, Theo loves your tattoos and your style. He really has a thing for your long skirts he thinks they make you look very fairy like and ethereal. He’s not a night owl I wouldn’t say, but it’s very cute when he tries to stay up as late as possible with you. His eyes will get all droopy and his accent will get a little thicker. He will however, do really sweet romantic gestures for you that are very personal like creating or buying you a display case that you can put all the stuff you collect and he will listen to you talk about all of it for hours on end.

theo’s nicknames for you include:

- love bug

- piccola fata (little fairy)

- sunflower (given to you after a particularly cute little date to a sunflower field)

tysm for this request!!! tysm for being a follower and let me know if I got anything wrong. I tried to include as much information as possible without making it like a book for you to read 😅💚

[prongsfish]

sigh

im post blocked

anyway

FISHALICIOUS

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE EVAN ROSIER HEADCANONS

(ive been asking everyone because he's slowly becoming my favourite)

just now realising you asked this nearly a month ago i'm so sorry i don't know why i struggle with answering asks so much!! but anyways evan headcanons i will GLADLY give. my characterisation of him is less concrete than characters like barty or regulus but i think about him loads still i love him...

this is a classic ofc but i will always see him and pandora as twins!! i love siblings in media so much and i think it allows for suuupper interesting dynamics between them, even in canon

in muggle aus my go-to career for him is either a piercer or something in the medical science field. i can just picture him as this mildly off-putting medsci student who goes on to be a forensic pathologist or something, he's really intrigued by the human body and how it functions in various ways. could definitely also go the way of unlicensed surgeon or mad scientist who performs fucked up experiments on people but that sort of thing doesn't quite fit into every fic lmaoo

i've always thought of him as more of a piercings guy than a tattoo guy (which is the opposite to barty). he'd definitely have both but i associate him more with piercings if that makes sense? i imagine he'd have a labret, bridge, stretched lobes (~7/8"), stretched septum (~0g), eyebrows (normal and middle placements), and high nostrils. all symmetrical!! plus probably some other non-facial piercings

he'd love sci-fi, thriller, and horror (especially psychological) films. anything super tense and probably confusing

when he was a child he and pandora would trap and kill insects. they'd spend ages examining little bug bodies and dissecting them with sticks and stuff... as he grew older he became more and more interested in bigger animals. occasionally he would kill animals himself but more often he'd search for those already dead, especially roadkill. once he was finished with any given specimen he'd carefully remove, clean, and reconstruct their skeletons to give to pandora. she didn't like the organs stuff as much as he did but she loved collecting bones and taxidermy insects, in exchange one year for his birthday (10-14th, maybe) she spent ages searching to buy him a surgical set from an antique store

waaay scarier than barty. if you don't know them you might be more initially scared by barty but while barty is loud and crazy and violent and laughs at pain/danger, evan is creepy. he knows way a million and one ways to kill someone without leaving behind any evidence. he knows every single pressure point on the human body. someone mentions a medicine they've taken their whole life for the first time and when someone else asks what it is he can explain in minute detail exactly how it works to the point where not even the person who takes it knew even half of what he says. he's super quiet moving without even meaning to be so he scares the shit out of people all the time. he doesn't blink as often as he should but just often enough that you don't notice until you're paying attention. and this is all revealed gradually, whereas barty's most "scary" traits are purposefully the most surface level things about him

he loooves medical dramas. he's watched tons of them. he HATES the good doctor though, purely on principle because once someone said that must be his favourite because he's autistic. his actual favourite is house

he runs cold and NEVER wears shorts. lots of beanies and jackets

these were so random and i went on a few tangents but oh well i did like five other things between writing these so it's a bit of a mess LMAO

[bluegekk0]

So FPK, and generally the whole Wyrm family, having experienced trauma and loss, how are nightmares handled since Grimm, the literal god/higher being of Nightmares, is around?

They do experience nightmares, FPK especially, which means that Grimm can enter their nightmares and absorb the nightmare essence. While in most cases this makes him seem more like a scavenger, this wasn't always the case, and isn't now with the family. His original purpose was to enter the nightmares and help the bugs experiencing them navigate through, so that they can deal with them and learn something, the nightmare essence* was not the main purpose.

This was before his banishment, afterwards he became more of a scavenger, invading nightmares to get more nightmare essence which would make the Nightmare Heart just a bit stronger, even if it was temporary, and for the purpose of the ritual (to recover at least some of the energy used to create his physical form). He can cause nightmares too, but he doesn't get any essence from those, so he only does it out of spite when he wants to get back at someone or threaten them. Even in his weakened state, The Nightmare King can be quite petty hahaha

But with the family, he uses his powers the way they were intended. He's significantly weaker after the banishment, he can only detect and enter the nightmares of those who are nearby, and he can only enter one nightmare at a time. If he senses that someone in the family has a nightmare, he has two options. Enter the nightmare and try to help them deal with it, or absorb the nightmare essence from the outside. The second one is faster and less intrusive, but it makes the one experiencing the nightmare prone to experiencing it again soon after, and unable to process it in hopes of learning something. Though it's definitely the option preferred by the family since it helps them sleep, so I imagine that more often than not that's what he goes for. Thankfully his presence alone doesn't cause the nightmares to be more frequent, it's actually the opposite, the closer he is to someone the less likely they are to experience them, that is because Grimm passively absorbs any nightmare essence he comes into contact with.

---

*as to how I imagine nightmare essence works in the AU, it's like an energy surrounding those who are about to or already experiencing a nightmare, and it can't be seen by anyone except Grimm (and the Grimmkin tasked with collecting it). It manifests gradually around someone who's experiencing fear or anxiety, and slowly creeps into their mind, eventually causing a nightmare. Most of it can be absorbed from the outside by Grimm with just his touch, which stops the nightmare (unless it's especially intense), but it still lingers inside of their mind. To absorb all of it, he has to enter the nightmare itself, which he can do through the Nightmare Realm (which means that his physical body has to be asleep at the time, or at least resting, since he has a lot of trouble controlling it while his Nightmare King self is active). The essence, unless absorbed, will linger around for a long time, which in some situations can cause a "chain reaction" - it can spread between individuals, and so if someone experiences frequent nightmares, it's very likely that those around them will also have that issue, until the essence gets absorbed. This is why dead and dying kingdoms, especially those that just experienced a great tragedy, are excellent feeding grounds for Grimm. The essence is great in quantity, and because of that, it lingers for much longer than usual, waiting to be absorbed by his growing Grimmchild forms.

When I put it like that, it kind of sounds like some kind of virus or infection. Which, funnily enough, fits really well, considering that he's The Radiance's brother. And in both cases, while their purpose is noble in theory, they can use it to their advantage. Though, admittedly, in Grimm's case it's certainly nowhere near as deadly as his sister's infection. But then again, he's very weak now, so who knows what would happen to Hallownest if it experienced the rage of Grimm in his prime.

[hallucinateonpaperspines]

If Ashley found a shrunk con, like fit in your Palm small what would she do with them ? What would the experience be for the con ?( I blame bittyformers/tinyformers tags for this question)

It would depend...

Ashlyn would most certainly not be picky. After all, she is a fan, a little trauma does little to erode the foundational love (one-sided as it is) she carries for these characters. A little mini-con? How can she not pick it up and give 'em a little SQUEEZE?

She would be collecting them like Pokemon.

Knockout would be a little... upset. How dare the grimy human touch him?!?! He can feel his finish eroding every nanosecond those oily digits make contact with his paint!

He'll cool down once the buffer comes out. It's a full-body massage now. The Doctor might even find himself enjoying his new state, the routine compliments, the ease of getting prime varieties of paint and polish, and, better yet, no one to scratch or dent his frame. It could almost be idyllic if it wasn't so pet-like. Yet, lounging in his microfiber blanket, suggesting new modifications to the toy mini race track, KO can't find it within himself to be too upset. Ashlyn for her part is rather diligent with his upkeep, relatively entertaining banter, and doesn't seem too hostile.

He could get used to this. Just until the process is reversed and he's free once more.

Breakdown is more confused than agitated. Ashlyn took one look at him, made a strange strangled noise, and plucked him up. Now he's here, wrapped like a burrito in a mattress nest as the human coos over him and plays monster truck rallies on the TV. It would almost be relaxing if not for the concerning focus in her eyes, the impressive assortment of bug spray and lighters, and the odd sentence she mutters every so often.

What does she mean he won't get torn apart for the third time? What does she mean the second happened when he was dead?!?! KO, please come pick up BD- he's scared.

Makeshift is the most proactive out of them all, fighting valiantly till he can't anymore or risk going into a forced stasis. He transforms in her hands, stabs, and slices as exposed flesh, his vocal processor glitching as his curses in Neocybex. It's not till Ashlyn starts bleeding that the Mech's joints lock up, mind flashing to a particularly sore memory as the warm fluid gets between his gears.

He's still frozen as he's gently washed in a basin, warm water soothing and his ruined arm treated with more consideration than even he's bothered to give the useless limb. Makeshift is still thinking as the human mutters, questions about how he's alive, apologizes for the injury, and promises if he hurts someone again. It's very confusing; an odd mixture of guilt and justification that seems dwarfed by his existence.

Ashlyn Moore promises to take responsibility for this discrepancy she's created in the timeline, and Makeshift feels both threatened and assured by it.

Starscream will be a shrieking mess. He will claw up everything he can get his servos on and insult everything he can think of. Which is a lot. He's entirely unprepared for how the organic snarks back at him, pointing out the height difference in a coldly factual way while she's also ensuring everything is Starscream-proof and comfortable. Including an assortment of cat posts arranged in a way that could almost mimic Vos's skylines.

It's not until he witnesses Ashlyn being, well Ashlyn, that Starscream finally shuts up. A human did that? THAT? That crater, those screaming wails, the sheer fear radiating off masked soldiers as they back away from the same organic that put a cat seat by the window for him?

The seeker can't help but smile, clawed digits and stoking the hand that protectively holds him like a supervillain with a favorite pet. If this is what she can do to MECH, how else can he use this nugget of chaos?

Megatron is shocked to be in this situation, but, similar to Starscream, he believes he can use our darling chaos goblin to his advantage.

That plan is quickly sidelined.

Ashlyn treats him relatively well, maybe a tiny part of her is hoping to change that rusted bucket's mind about the war, or at the very least, about humanity's perceived status as inconsequential. It would be nice not to have to worry about the giant alien in the sky raining down super weapons every other week, okay?

It quickly devolves into a rather obvious game of mental chess, one side with manipulation tactics, and the other with dubious philosophy and ethical questioning. Both sides prove adept at picking up the other's traps. Ashlyn knows what Megatron is, she knows how he works and is quick to call him out when he presents a logical fallacy or deviates into emotionally based evidence. Megatron is quick to pick apart her questions, dealing with even the Trolley problem with simplistic but probing ideas.

It turns into a game, and, eventually, a respectful friendship. There never going to agree, never going to be allies. Ashlyn is not going to let the Warlord go, and he is not going to stop a millennia-long war for a short-lived organic. But they can respect each other.

It's easy to respect a mind that works so similarly to your own.

Soundwave and Ashlyn just stare at each other. Eventually, the Survalince Officer is also added to the hoard. Ashlyn isn't quite sure what to do with him, the mech is a legitimate threat just by existing, but she can't leave him or mini Lazerbeak where they could get stepped on.

Totally not because it's freaking Soundwave and it plucking all the right cords of her fanatic heart to see him in a mini version.

In the end, Ashlyn starts walking around in a tin foil hat and makes a miniature Faraday cage. Hopefully, that keeps the con from hacking her phone.

Soundwaved takes this as a challenge and a vacation :)

Airachnid is found first by Jack. Solid willpower morphed whatever reality this drabble peers into, and Jackson Darby found the spider first. Lacking bug spray and a lighter to attach to it, the teen does the most sensible thing he can think of. He kicks her.

The sadist, six bonus legs and all, goes sailing through the air, her attempted threat cut short by her own teeny tiny squeal.

It's a mercy. Ashlyn would have just stepped on her.

*bonus*

JA332 dropped the final sugar cube onto the ground. Chuffing in a pleased manner as he wiped the few remaining granules from his armor, the little vehicon turned to gather the rest of his brethren to complete the ritual.

He'd prove the existence of Unicron's spawn today. The offering, and now a name ready to be chanted as his kin witnessed him summon the giant. Yes, JA332 would offer proof of what he witnessed so long ago today, and they'd command the giantess to grant them what they desired. Energon, territory, the death of the ants that kept trying to steal the offering sugar. Perhaps even a miracle would be done and ST3V3's true love would finally reciprocate so they didn't need to hear how amazing the Commander was every single vorn.

Yes, this could only end well.

(if you know, you know.)

[pokemonxhyperfixation]

SURPRISE! HAVE SATORI'S PETS!

I made a BUNCH of trainer cards today, and felt like posting Orin and Okuu, so yeah!

IT'S ORIN!!!!!!!

I know it's probably kinda weird for a cat to have a cat, but I REALLY feel like Orin would vibe with having a Liepard of her own. Feels kinda right.

For one thing, Lampent is a ghost/fire type and honestly, Orin is most definitely that too. More importantly, I say Orin has this due to her and Lampent kinda doing the same fucked up thing, where to go to people on their death bed and wait for them to die. Shits fucked.

Since she commands spirits, and also kinda collects and speaks with them, I like the idea of her having a Spiritomb. Notably, I REALLY like the idea of this Spiritomb being one made of 108 spirits Orin particularly became chummy with, and let her shove them into a Spiritomb. It's just a group of her buddies =D!

In Orin's lore, it is pretty explicitally said that Orin likes talking to freshly dead spirits since they don't realize they died. And for some reason, that made me think of the Mother Marowak in Pokemon Tower. So yeah. Also her and Marowak are probably bone buddies. (As in both collect bones.)

Since Mandibuzz is a scavenger, I like to think Orin has one in order to help her track down the fresh dead. She probably lets the big bird nibble on the meat of the body. Her and her Mandibuzz are also probably bone collecting buddies.

Orin is explicity shown to be able to kinda raise the dead into something Zombie like, so I thought giving her Pokemon resident Zombie Bug would be fitting. (Also for the sake of me considering her a Ghost Specialist, let's just pretend Parasect is the Bug/Ghost type it deserves to be.)

I ALSO GOT HER BUDDY (AND GIRLFRIEND) OKUU!

(Cynthia was honestly the best sprite for her I could find...)

While I'm kinda iffy on REPRESENTING Okuu on Satori's team as a Moltres, there is not a single doubt in my mind that Okuu herself uses a Moltres! (Certain helps that the Kanto and Galar legendary birds seem more to be a really rare and powerful pokemon species rather than some crazy mythological entity like most other legendaries.)

Kinda like how Orin has a Lampent because it kinda does the same thing as her, Okuu has a Chandelure for largely the same reason! Chandelure is said to burn the spirit and body of it's victims to fuel itself, and Okuu burns bodies to run the Hell of Blazing Fires!

Torkoal is here since I KNEW I wanted Okuu to have a Drought Pokemon, but the thing is, there are only three. And of Torkoal, Groudon and Ninetales, I thought Torkoal was genuinely the most fitting for her. It's just a silly little sun setting dope like her! She 200% either got this thing from Kanako or Yatagarasu.

Honestly, Honchkrow is more so a Pokemon I believe Okuu had BEFORE becoming a living shrine to a Sun God. I imagine back when she was normal, she had this Honchkrow she either used or was at least chummy with, and it either stuck with her or just straight up joined her team once she got the powers of a Sun God.

Volcarona is here since her and it are kindred spirits. Namely in both of them being the fucking sun more or less. Like Torkoal, she got this from either Yatagarasu or Kanako. Helps her keep Hell burning.

Clawitzer is here for a couple of reasons. For one thing, part of Okuu's job is not only fueling the Hell of Blazing Fires, but also cooling it, and Clawitzer is here to help her with that. The other reason is because they're arm cannon buddies =D! (It's a Pokemon she became chummy with after getting the "third leg" (yes, that's what the arm cannon seams to be refered to as canonically), especially since I head canon her arm was amputated to put the arm cannon there.)

Honaray mentions to Coalossal, Volcanion and Walking Wake (AKA the Steam Bois) for all being contenders for Clawitzer's slot (because of the Steam released from Nuclear Power Plants), but I felt giving her an arm cannon friend would have been nicer =).

[mattyriddlesbitch]

Hiiii firstly congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!

Could i get paired with a slytherin boy please?

Physically: i'm short 5'0, i have fair skin, rosy cheeks, i'm a little chubby, i have an hourglass body shape, a little tummy, thicc thighs, i have a small button nose, a heartshaped face, foggy green eyes, hooded doe eyes, i have meduim size lips? With no cupidsbow If that makes sense. I have dyed copper hair, bangs, a long wolfcut type of haircut, my hair go down to the middle of my back.

About me: i'm French, i can speak english, sign language and learning italian. i'm funny. I'm autistic, and i have general anxiety disorder, i have verbal tics, i often do 'pop' sounds with my mouth or reapete things out loud sometimes on a loop, (TW: I grew up in an abusing setting and i have scars, bad ones, especially on my back.) I'm insecure. My love language is giving the bigger half when i'm sharing, or giving anything really. The Way i liked to be loved is through words of affirmation and physical touch. I'm very forgiving, I like to make my own opinion on people, i'm the mom friend. I have a short temper when i'm stressed, i am very blunt, i'm not scared to speak my mind, i like to compare people to bugs or animals if i like them as they are my special intrests. If i had to describe my style it would be fairy grunge? Like long skirts, knitted sweaters (the soft kind not itchy cause ew sensory issues), converses or sandales, golf jewlery i can also dress in full black, form fitting maxi dress with new rock or naked wolfe type of shoes. I love music, anything. And i mean it. Pop, alt, rock, metal, screamo, indie, country, rap. But mostly 2000s 2010s music for the nostalgia. My favorite s'ingère is Billie Eilish. I love doing crafts, i do crochet, i love reading books (dark romance/fantaisie/fiction) i'm a 'nerd', i love happy Potter, lord of the rings, the Hobbit, i love vampires, i love video games, such as animal crossing, SIMS unpacking, and cozy games but as the last of us, the walking dead, until dawn, the quary etc. I have a black cat. I'm a picky eater, potatos are my safe food though, i'm more of a sweet person than savory, brownies are my favorite desserts, I smell like vanilla. Roses and hydrangeas are my favorite flowers. I love trinkets, i collect pretty much any pretty thing i find, twigs, Shells, rocks, little lost things like beeds, crystals, sometimes little toys. I love plushies, i have a teddy bear and a white tiger. I'm a night owl. I love looking at the moon (i have a moon phase tattoo between my boobs. And sun tattoos around my nipples ) i also love taking pictures especially polaroid of people and animals :)

Well... hope that was enough🖤

Love you

So so proud of you 2k my love!!!!congratulations!!!!

I would ship you with Mattheo. I think he'd love that grunge style, and I think he would feel more connected with you with the scars since he has his own. He likes you being the mom friend and being blunt and straight-forward. He'd think it's cute, also a little weird, that you compare people to bugs or animals, but it'd help him gauge how you see other people, including himself. I think he'd be so fascinated with the tattoos as well. He would love just playing games with you, or even just next to you and staying up with you since he's also a night owl.

[ralofofriverwoods]

I redesigned them🤙

The dark elf is sarath/Sara dellum(cerebellum) and he’s a solo assassin. He did work with the morag tong for a little while but they went down the drain by the time tes:Skyrim happens, so he branched off. He would join the dark brotherhood but he is still under the impression that they’re fully dead thanks to commander maro, and he also thinks they’re kind of annoying. Not for any particular reason, he just doesn’t like em.

The orc is mako lograk, and he collects herbs and other ingredients(especially rare/hard to get ones) for the alchemists of Skyrim, hagraven or otherwise. He also collects the hides of fresh ‘roadkill’ and hostile animals he encounters on his journeys. He’d join the companions but they’re kind of known for being glorified mercenaries that smell like wet dog, so he’d rather only have one of those traits(smelling like a wet dog)

The argonian’s name is Lurks-in-darkness, and studies the daedra and their artifacts. She masquerades as a blacksmith in morthal, and collects and stores things in her shoppes basement, away from prying eyes. She’s found a few ways to circumvent getting bound to a daedra when becoming a champion of them, and chats with falion quite a bit about such theories.

These were my first ever Skyrim ocs(save farlian) and they deserved a redesign, so they got one! Sara had the least changed, with just the face paint and the clothes being altered to something a little more fitting of a dark elf+the morag tong. He also got a bit of a hue change, now being mostly reds that actually look good together. He was supposed to be a little more bug-y but it’s all covered by clothing so it’s not shown.

Mako got curly brown hair, Fancier eyes and tusks, scales, and much better looking body hair(and a more fitting physique). I made some headcannons for different mer looks a while back ghat I never posted, and i always liked the thought of orcs being a little bit more boar like in terms of fur. And then scales are just cool so why not? Makes them a little more interesting. Idk it could be skin discoloration as well, that would also be rad as fuck

LD got the biggest redesign by far, as her main colors are all switched around. She also got a feathered tail! Big w for her. I also changed up the foot wrap style, because the way morrowind did the models for the beast races has taken my heart 100%. I also themed the tongue/colors to be a little more reminiscent of a poisonous snake, with the tongue of a cotton mouth and the vibrant colors of just about any poisonous creature.

[bokutoslittlebird]

The Perfect Family

Alpha!Bokuto x Beta!reader x Beta!Akaashi

Author’s Note : If you’ve read the little drabbles and asks with the fluffy BokuAka family, then you’re in for a surprise. Those were not canon to the actual works I created, it was just something nice to write and think about. This will not start off fluffy at all. This will also include the pregnancy process, so be warned of that ; This is a sequel to my Kinktober piece, Threesome with Bokuto and Akaashi ; I’m so sorry it took for fucking ever

Warnings: Omegaverse, noncon/dubcon (explicit use of the word r*pe), gun play, choking, water torture (attempted drowning), gaslighting, manipulation, watersports (briefly, kind of), mindbreak, dumbification, pregnancy, creampie(s), asphyxiation, lactation, knotting, breeding (technically), degradation

Kōtarō’s rut had finally ended, pumping you full and fucking you into a stupor, all while Keiji made sure to have him give you a break. It was the week for you and Kōtarō to catch up, after all. You were bonded to Kōtarō and Keiji now, you were their mate, so you had to be taken care of. With the stinging pain on your shoulder from Kōtarō’s mark, you were only missing the legal document to bind you to Keiji the normal, Beta way. Keiji was currently thinking about which ring to get you, since Kōtarō had already decided on his “proposal” gift. Keiji figured you’d need time to adjust, however, as he was laying on the couch with Kōtarō’s arms wrapped around him, you missing. There was a cute show that they were watching, Keiji was sure you’d like it. You weren’t allowed out of the bedroom yet, so he would have to show it to you another time.

Once Kōtarō had been satisfied and Keiji had recovered, both got to work on making your stay permanent. You attempted to leave, but Keiji was quick to cuff you. Kōtarō held you down, forcing you to struggle until there was nothing left to do except lay there. Kōtarō had to go back to Osaka soon, so he was trying to enjoy his last few days in Tokyo.

“That was a fun show. Cute, too,” his yawning interrupted his sentence, cutting it short. Keiji nodded in response, snuggling closer to Kōtarō. The Alpha was warm and comfortable, it gave him a sense of home. “I gotta go back tomorrow, Akaashi,”

“I know, Bokuto-san,” Keiji sighs, knowing he’d have to work on their new pet by themselves. It was going to be a struggle. At the beginning of the week, you were so pliant and easily coerced into things. Now, you wouldn’t look or talk to them. Kōtarō threw a fit yesterday, screaming and crying because you weren’t the same person, you were much more distant. It’s the same when it comes to Keiji, however. You only looked at him with betrayal and sadness, even then only looking at him briefly. You exhausted yourself, but you were fighting them. Distancing yourself and giving them the silent treatment. It made Kōtarō not want to leave, you being so upset at him, but he didn’t have a choice.

Kōtarō needed to find a new place for everyone to live, of course. With the high probability of you becoming pregnant, you couldn’t be living in Tokyo, hours away from your alpha. Knowing you would be carrying his pups without him around had Kōtarō growling, Keiji gently patting his arm. Kōtarō calmed down at that, indulging in the calming scent of Keiji. Keiji has already been bonded to him, so it wouldn’t be as stressful if he wasn’t bonded — you were both his mates and therefore, you could be trusted in Keiji’s care. It was still hard to go. He didn’t want to leave with the state you were in.

“What place were you thinking about?” Keiji mused, running his finger in a pattern on Kōtarō’s arm. Just something to do as he mentally planned for the upcoming weeks. The type of house would determine how long those weeks would be.

“Some place big, but close by the gym and practice gym. Maybe traditional? I’ve always wanted to live in a traditional, zen kind of house,” Kōtarō’s eyes lit up as he talked, images and scenes of a large house full of his lovers and his children, playing volleyball in the yard. Keiji smiles at that, knowing it would be at least a month. Enough time to have you positively pregnant and to get you settled into your new role. It’d take effort, of course it would, but he could do it.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, Bokuto-san,”

“Ya know, we really gotta get used to calling each other by our given names. You’re gonna be a Bokuto, aren’t’cha?”

“Well, of course I am. Just like [Y/N]. We’ll be the Bokuto family,” he sighs, closing his eyes as the name settles in his mind. The Bokuto family has a nice ring to it, he thinks.

Kōtarō spends his last night cuddling you to sleep. You want no part of it, lying stiff as a board as he presses kisses to your neck and rubs his hand over your stomach. It’s a sickening thought, the possibility of getting pregnant. If you really had been ovulating during the rut, you most likely were pregnant. It’s not like you’d know or not, you barely leave the bed to urinate. It’s disgusting to have to deal with, but even when you do get the bathe and do your business, Keiji is right next to you, ready to intervene if necessary. Although Kōtarō is often in there with you, lathering up your body as his touches become less innocent, Keiji’s stone-cold gaze forces you to not attempt anything silly.

When the morning comes, Kōtarō is desperate to keep something of yours until he can see you again. In order to keep him happy, you acquiesce to his demands and let him take your used clothes, yet to be washed. As if the lingering scent of the morning sex isn’t still clinging to his skin. You can’t smell it, nor Keiji, but you know it’s there as you watch him dress himself, tucking himself away as he rambles on about his plans for the future. Three kids for him, two for Keiji, a nice big house, just the ideal lifestyle for anyone. It’ll never happen, though. His delusions will soon shatter when you stay distant and refuse to love him or Keiji.

Keiji waves goodbye to you, saying he’ll come back when he’s done with work. He plans on taking Kōtarō to the train station and then going to work, so you’ll be stuck for the next few hours. Until dinner time, that is. After an hour, you hear a ping from your phone and reach over to look at it. You can still use your phone, of course, but any possibility of calling for help is useless. In this society, nobody would help you. Not only that, your phone is bugged and linked to Keiji’s. He knows when you unlock your phone, what you do at what time, and how long you’re on it. You’re almost positive he can shut it off if he wants to.

The noise is a message from Kōtarō, telling you he misses you already. A roll of the eyes as you lock it, setting it beside you again. You’re able to barely reach the table beside the bed, but none of the drawers. One hand is secured to the headboard, wooden and strong enough to withstand Kōtarō’s ruthless rut. You feel restless as the day has only begun, the next time you will be able to move out of the bed, if at all, will be when Keiji comes home.

The doorknob to the apartment jiggles, making you jump. Keiji should’ve gone to work, so the sudden noise was unexpected. When it finally turns, you expect to see the familiar hair of your former friend, the tousled raven hair and the broad build. Although the man has the proper stature, the hoodie covering his head and the cheap-looking mask covering his face prevent you from properly identifying him. You can’t tell if he’s smirking or not, the intense feeling that he’s giving off tells you he is. With your hand secured to the bed, you really don’t have much in the way of options. The phone is still an option, but you doubt you could get to it in time.

The man lunges towards you, spurring you to attempt to grab the phone. Your fingers brush the metal device before your arm is forcefully gripped and twisted. You scream as your body twists, attempting to lessen the pain. It’s useless, but you still try. When your mouth opens, he quickly shoves something round and hard in it, your tongue pressed against the barrel of the gun.

“Don’t move a muscle,” his voice was low and hoarse, as if he was adjusting it to hide his identity. It was still unfamiliar to you, your brain unable to register what was going on. The man easily overpowers you, using his weight to keep you pinned to the bed. Fear prickles your skin, the chill setting in deep into your bones despite the lingering warmth of the fading Summer heat. It’s a horrible feeling, frozen in fear as your mind races, unable to do anything except stay still. It’s horrible, the fact you listen to the stranger’s demands despite wishing you were dead and out of Kōtarō and Keiji’s grasps. The gun is removed from your mouth, but the knowledge of it being in his possession is enough to keep you compliant, barely acknowledging the man’s hands moving to slip under the dress you were kindly given.

To keep yourself ready and easily accessible to both Keiji and Kōtarō until they had to part, it was best to slip you into a plain and simple white sundress. It was a present from Kōtarō, a small way of saying you were his now. With the lack of panties or other undergarment, you were essentially naked to the intruder as he sat on his heels, dark eyes scanning over your form. You were shaking from the fear, the unknown, but you weren’t attempting to move or thrash about. It was so easy to take advantage of you, you already nice and wet for him, too. The slick buildup from the morning session with Kōtarō lingers, as well as the creamy substance of his seed fucked into you. Unless the intruder was an Alpha, he couldn’t do much damage, but the thought of leaving you alone without a touch, a taste, was too unbearable.

It didn’t take long for the feeling of something hard and thick to push against your folds, collecting slick and teasing, your sensitivity making you whimper at the touch. It was a sudden plunge, forcing himself deep into your cunt as he groaned, your walls clenching around him. You thought the groan sounded familiar, but there was no more time to think on it when he put his hand on your throat, effectively shutting off proper access to your lungs. Your walls tighten again around him, him finding it hard to retract his hips but thrusting back in. His pace isn’t too fast, but his thrusts are brutal as he continues to drive his cock into your sensitive and abused pussy. He’s not an Alpha, you can tell by the lack of an inflating knot, but it still remains that you’re being violated by an unknown man. The whimpers coming from your throat are all you can release, barely sucking in air to stay conscious. When your vision starts to fade, the man and the walls of the room slowly blurring together, you start to panic.

The gun is still beside you, but it’s not your concern. The bullet in the chamber can’t threaten you unless the barrel’s against your head, but the hand currently cutting off oxygen is threatening your life. Attempting to dig your nails into the fabric of the hoodie is useless, his work gloves keeping his hands from getting any marks, either. Your lungs burn from lack of air and your vision slowly fades to black, a heat and chill settling over your body at the same time as you continue to feel his body pinning you down. The brutal fucking is the only sensation you still have, the stinging of your skin as he snaps his hips to meet yours and the squelching sounds from your sloppy pussy, cum and slick spurting and coating his cock as he chases his own high. You don’t know if he finished inside, your sensations dying out as you slip into unconsciousness.

When you wake up, your lungs ache and your face feels wet. When you flutter your eyes open, you’re faced with the creamy beige walls of Keiji’s bedroom, the lamp and phone on the bedside table. A presence is beside you, a large hand gently brushing your hair. Your eyes widen as you jolt, Keiji gently shushing you as he holds you. It’s comforting, someone familiar beside you after the experience you just had. You don’t know what happened after everything went black, but the smell of Keiji’s morning coffee and his cologne calm you down, tears spilling out as your fists bunch up the fabric of his shirt.

“I had a bad feeling, so I immediately came back home. I didn’t expect you to be completely unconscious, what did you do?” He asked, oblivious to what had really transpired. It was painful to recall, the fear from before rising again as you remember the man’s stature, looming over you as he pinned you to the bed. Another fit of tears come, the droplets soaking the white of Keiji’s shirt. “Darling, you need to tell me what’s wrong. What-“

“A stranger,” a hiccup interrupted you, red and tired eyes looking to his face. He looks confused, so you need to press on. “He broke in. Violated me. He— he ra-“

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. If I had known something so horrible would happen, I wouldn’t have left you all alone. You could’ve come with me, but you’ve been so naughty, you know,” his voice is gentle, but there’s a certain chill in his voice that has your fear spiking. His hands are warm, caressing your back as he speaks. “But, you know, you cheated on Bokuto-san and I. I have to punish you,”

“I— I didn’t do it on purpose!” Why were you defending yourself? Your mind had to momentarily adjust itself, the feeling of helplessness from earlier now back. Once the cuff had released the headboard, it was nothing for Keiji to force you into the bathroom. No amount of strength you had could compare to him, nor height. He wasn’t afraid to hurt you either, almost smashing your fingers in the door frame because you wouldn’t let go. “Akaashi, stop!!”

“Akaashi? Now, we can’t have that. You should address me properly, dear,” he grips your face, smushing your cheeks together as you find yourself practically flung into the tub. It’s already full of hot water, almost scalding, as he holds your head under. Struggling once more, it’s futile. His strength far surpasses yours, stature looming over you. Under the water, his image is distorted, but the way he looks down at you feels familiar. Before that thought can continue, you feel your lungs burning as you thrash again, thoughts only focused on surviving. When your head is pulled up, you gulp air as you cough, water sputtering as you do. “You need to be punished.”

“Let me go, I didn’t do anythi-“ your head is once more under the water, nails digging into the flesh of Keiji’s arms as he holds you still. You didn’t get a good gulp of air, so you’re quickly back at the previous feeling of helplessness as your lungs burn, vision blurring. Before everything goes black, you’re once more pulled from the water. Your face is hot, either from lack of air or the heat of the bathroom and water, you’re not too sure. But Keiji is sure of one thing and that’s the way you’re clinging to him. You were digging your nails into him, squirming and attempting to leave, but now your nails were digging into his as your grip tightened around his forearm. You were clinging to him, unconsciously seeing him as your savior, as he was the one who controlled your ability to breathe, therefore your life. He could drown you if he wanted to, but Kōtarō wouldn’t like that. No, he just needed you to depend on him, change your stance on how you saw your lovers.

Keiji also couldn’t help how delicious you looked, drenched as steam rose from the water, your white dress floating around you as if you were an ethereal being. You looked angelic and untainted... an urge to corrupt you washed over him, compelling his body into the steaming water. It was a tight fit, but he managed. With his sweatpants on, it was easy for him to simply push down the waistband and pull out his cock. “Now I have to cover up that man’s scent, or do you want everyone to know you’re a whore?”

“Akaashi, enough, this isn’t any diff-“

“Are you saying I’m a rapist? That’s what you’re implying, right? If you really think that, then I’ll be that. I would never purposefully hurt you,” his words contradict his actions, his hard cock pressing into your walls as he speaks. Sensitivity still lingers, your legs twitching as he sinks down to the hilt. “You’re saying I’m the bad guy, aren’t you? Well, how about I be the bad guy? Let’s recreate the scenario,”

“Akaashi, please, stop!” You cry out, weak limbs attempting to push him off. Hot, fat tears stream down your cheeks as Keiji licks them away, kissing their trails as you continue to sob at the feeling. It was a horrible feeling, being helpless, but a part of you knew you were safe. Keiji wouldn’t let you die, the only thing that prevented you from putting more effort in. Even with the splashing water, he kept one hand on the back of your head to prevent you from going under. Keiji’s pace is always the same — slow strokes, but deep and meaningful as he rocks his hips into yours and makes sure to roll his hips. It’s a completely opposite of Kōtarō’s, brutal and relentless, but Kōtarō fils you out more. Keiji has to make sure you feel every ridge, every vein, every pulse from his cock and have it completely engraved into your mind.

When Keiji gets close, he holds you closer to him, kissing your neck as your hands grasp at the tub’s edges, mind reeling from the force of your orgasms. Your nerves are on fire, your walls constantly clamping around Keiji’s cock like a vice, all while he rides out his own high. He presses a sweet kiss to the mark on your neck, where it meets your shoulder, right where he sports a matching mark on his own skin. It’s Kōtarō’s bond, what links him to the two of you forever. With a final thrust, Keiji spills deep inside you as he kisses you deeply, forcing you to swallow his moan of pleasure as he swallows your mewls. You’re still tight around him, walls fluttering pathetically around his girth as he relishes in the way you feel, keeping his seed locked inside you.

When he breaks the kiss, you’re both panting heavily, chests heaving for different reasons. “There. Now he’s gone,” a gentle kiss on your temple. With those words, a silence settles over the room. Although the stranger may be gone, in his place stands Akaashi Keiji.

The next day, Keiji is home.

“Just a precaution, dear,” he had said. “So nothing else bad will happen to you when I’m not here. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” With those words, he convinced you of his intentions. The previous day’s events had you rattled, the fear of being alone subconsciously rooted into your mind. A small whimper of Keiji’s name, his given name, had him smiling and cooing at you, taking you anywhere in the apartment you wanted to go. It was nice to finally leave the bedroom and bathroom sections, seeing the front room and kitchen, able to hear and see people outside the windows. You dare not let your eyes linger too long on the windows, covered completely with only shadows passing by, nor on the door. The door which had a recently newly installed lock, to take extra precautions. A passing thought of how it seemed to be so quickly enforced comes by, leaving as you become hyper aware of the blank gaze Keiji gives you. It’s not blank, per se. It looks blank to many bystanders, but to you, you know he’s focusing. He’s watching you and analyzing what you do. It’s a test.

A test you seem to have passed, when he calls you back for a bath. He doesn’t guide you there, no threats, just a simple “Come along,” as he walks towards the same bathroom he almost drowned and violated you in. The fear and anxiety of going back has your flight or fight response kicking in, the seemingly easy option of flinging the door open and leaving has your legs moving. But Keiji is quicker, stronger, and smarter than you. Before your fingertips can even graze the lock, your face is slammed into the floor.

“You were doing so well, too,” his feet are planted on either side of you, one moving to plant itself on your back. With a bit of force, you’re screaming as he has his heel pushing into your spine. “You deserve to be punished.”

“Fuck you, Akaashi!” You spit, squirming and wriggling to get him off. When his foot moves, you attempt to get up, but soon he drops down and fists your hair in one hand, the other pushing your cheeks together.

“I should wash that dirty mouth of yours,” he growls, shoving your face against the floor. By shoving, he essentially drops you into the floor. With a burning sensation in your nose, you feel a vaguely familiar liquid trickling out, a small red dot beneath you. He does it once more, making sure to keep his hand on your head to prevent you from getting up. “I trusted you to listen to me, [Y/N],”

“I’ll never listen to you,” you declare, hands balling into fists beside you. “I’ll never forgive you and Bokuto for what you did. I’ll never forgive or forget how you raped me, either!”

“I did no such thing. You enjoyed it, whore. You clamped around me like a vice last night, just as you probably did the stranger that violated you. Can it be consider violation if you were wet? What about when you started to enjoy it?”

“How would you know that, unless-“

“I know how much of a slut you can be, sleeping around with Alphas in high school and other Betas. You probably got off on being raped,” He sneers, putting more force in his hand, making it uncomfortable as your cheek is smushed against the floor.

“Fuck you,”

“I’ll take that as a yes. As a punishment, you won’t be leaving that bedroom for some time,” he finally lets you free, a large breath of air inhaled as you realize he was putting his weight on your lungs. “Come here,”

Wrenched from the ground, you find yourself dragged, kicking and screaming, back into the bedroom where Keiji cuffs you to the headboard. He’s huffing, but he manages to get both wrists cuffed to the headboard. Back to square one, with you refusing to acknowledge him while he tries to talk. Well, he does talk, you’re forced to listen.

When dinner time comes around, you expect some plain chicken broth or maybe even water, but instead you’re given nothing. Keiji doesn’t come in the room at all. The water running let’s you know he’s washing dishes, but where’s your meal? When his humming enters the room, you know he’s coming down. When he opens the door, in his hand lays a plate with bread crust and crumbs, along with some pocky sticks. Just two, however. Barely considered a meal. “Dinner!”

“You’re kidding me,”

“Dear, you know I don’t joke around easily. You were naughty this afternoon, so you’re going to eat my leftovers. Bread crust and some stale pocky sticks is the only thing on your menu,”

“I’ll starve instead,” a glare sent his way does frazzle him one bit, instead almost makes him... chippier. As if you’re falling for his well hidden trap. A nod and he’s gone, your only source of food with him. He won’t enter to room again until nighttime, so you’re left to wallow in your own solitude, something you used to take for granted.

When Keiji does finally come into the room, you’re excited to see him before remembering you don’t like him. Instead of taking the key and releasing your restraints to sleep, he grabs his pillow, his blanket, and his phone charger. “Where are you going?”

“Well, since you obviously hate me, I thought it’d be best that I leave you alone. After all, that is what you wanted, yes?” A small smirk is on his face as your eyes widen, thoughts running through your head as he takes his leave. Without a bid goodnight, Keiji leaves you alone in the room. With no possible entertainment except your mind, you feel uneasy. Unsteady. The world is suddenly dropping you off in an empty room with nothing and you can’t think of anything to keep yourself entertained. The television set buzzes to life outside, while the popping of popcorn fills your ears along with the melted butter smell. An urge to move flits around, but you decide it is best to not.

The next day, it’s a similar situation. Within three days of Kōtarō’s leave, you’ve found yourself craving his company more than ever. Keiji is ruthless and merciless, entering the bedroom for clothes and then leaving for work. He doesn’t talk to you, he doesn’t look at you, he barely enters the room anymore. You feel your stomach grumble at the thought of food, your mouth dry from the lack of fluids in your system. A pathetic way to die, one would think. With the lack of nutrition, your body will eventually decay or fall into an unstable state. Keiji isn’t a dunce, he knows this — at least, he should. Why then, you wonder, is he allowing this? Not only are you completely attached to the bed, but you haven’t been able to get up at all, even for bathroom use. The urine has stained the sheets, turning the pristine white cotton into a grimy yellow color, the ammonia stench covering the entire bedroom. You felt like a helpless child, in dire need of your parents to come home.

In a way, that’s what it was. You were helpless and needed someone else’s help. You need Keiji’s help. You can only go so long before you end up breaking, and you’ve reached a limit. The disgusting liquid under you was the final thread, the squelching and squeezing every time your hips move to a different area to attempt to leave the spot resulting in a failed attempt. The white dress was soaked, first from the bathroom incident and now it was dyed yellow due to your own fluids. Kōtarō wouldn’t be happy with those results.

When Keiji finally comes home, you hear him. You hear the door close and a sigh. Waiting for him to enter the room is quickly disregarded as you call for him. With no hesitation, he arrives at the room, looking at you. “You called, darling?”

“Keiji, please. I’m sorry I was bad. I need you, please don’t leave me,” you cry out, pulling on the cuffs. Shushing you, he quickly attends to your wrists, red and raw from the tugging, pulling, and twisting you’ve done over the past day. Once one hand is free from the restraint, he’s happy to feel it grabbing his shoulder, a silent beg to not leave. “Kei-“

“I know, I know. I won’t hurt you,” his words calm you down, sobs turning into hiccups as he guides you off the bed. Your legs are weak, unstable from lack of use, so he bridal carries you into the bathroom, not caring about the urine. After setting you on the toilet, he strips you of your dress and starts the bath. Trusting you to not move, he leaves. Another test, to see if you’ve really shaped up after the last attempt.

Keiji stands in the bedroom, pulling the sheets off the bed and removing the pad. He puts them aside, but waits. No movement from the bathroom, not even the toilet seat squeaking or the shutting off of the water. Continuing to put the sheets and dress away, he picks out a set of panties — new and clean, a treat for being good — to go with the pastel pink sundress. It looks exactly like the other one, except the color. After getting a towel and a change of clothes himself, he leaves.

You’re still sitting on the toilet, looking at him as he enters. Perking up, you push into the hand the caresses your head, brushing the tangled hair. He stops the water, guiding you into the tub. Once you’re settled, he strips down and joins you.

“You’re not going to hurt me?” You ask, voice dull.

“Of course not. When have I ever done that?”

The next day is such an improvement, Keiji can’t help but let Kōtarō know how well you’ve adjusted. You’re compliant out of fear rather than love, but Kōtarō doesn’t know that. He’s so excited to see a picture of you cooking in the kitchen, he probably wouldn’t care. The picture doesn’t capture the longing look at the knives, the fleeting glances at the door, the rigidness of your body as Keiji wraps his arms around you. It’s small gestures, but you never move to accomplish the action. Your finger might twitch, a gulp as you see the unlocked door, but you continue on. You make the noodles, you bring the tray to Keiji, you sit in his lap and allow the arms to secure your place. The food is something you’re ever thankful for, the lack of food spurring your resilience into breaking. With a gentle blow, Keiji feeds you the ramen you dutifully prepared for the both of you all day.

You never looked at the door again. You never looked at the knives unless you were cutting something. Even with Keiji breathing down your neck, eyes focused on your hands, you didn’t twitch or move to hurt him. You went to the bathroom and didn’t complain when he joined you. Even when he had to do his little daily checkup, you didn’t complain. The first time, you mentioned it tickled and questioned what he was doing, sticking his nose between your legs as he pried them open. He just smiled and said he needed to know if you were healthy, to which your questions easily stopped. Although he occasionally swept his tongue over your still wet folds, you never told him to go away and leave you alone. Even when he went further and had put you on the bathroom’s countertop before diving between your legs once more, your fingers thread themselves through his hair as you moaned.

When the news of Kōtarō coming back reached your ears, you didn’t know how to feel. Keiji was the one to help you, give you comfort, so you didn’t feel too excited to see Kōtarō. Keiji knew this would cause problems, as Kōtarō was expecting you to be as loving to him as you were to Keiji. After an explanation of the situation, you promised to perform appropriately for Kōtarō. With a whispered threat of locking you up again, you easily complied with everything you were asked to do. When Kōtarō came through the door, he was easily able to catch you as you jumped on him. “Welcome back!”

“Aw, [Y/N]! I’m glad to be back!” He nuzzled into your neck, indulging in your scent. You could easily pretend to be in love with Kōtarō, but your scent would tell him if you were feeling off. With his superior senses, you had to be forced into a mindset where you did love Kōtarō. Threats and memories of the past had could nodding along, situating yourself into his life easily. “I missed you, a lot,”

“Well, we won’t have to be gone for so long again, right?” You ask, a pout forming. “Or are you going to leave me?”

“Oh, no! You’re gonna live with me,” he grins, a closed eye smile. Your eyes widen as the information is processing, Keiji coming from the kitchen.

“It was a surprise for you. We’ll be moving to Osaka to be close to Bokuto-san,” he’s drying a knife, one he recently finished washing, but it’s also a silent threat. Kōtarō didn’t see the horrified look on your face, but he sure did.

“O-Oh. Okay! I can’t wait, when are we.. when do we move?” Twiddling your fingers, Kōtarō wraps his arms around you once more, effectively picking you up. No hesitating, your legs wrap around his waist as he looks up at your face, love flooding his eyes.

“You’ll move in with me tomorrow. Once Akaashi’s boxed everything up, he’ll join us. Our room is all set up, and there’s lots of rooms for kids. Speaking of-!”

“Another time, Bokuto-san,” Keiji harshly whispered, Kōtarō’s eyes widening before smiling, nodding. You didn’t know what that was, but you then focused on Kōtarō moving to the couch.

“Let’s eat, I’m starving! Maybe I can have something special for dessert, if you know what I mean,” with an added eyebrow wiggle, you shyly smile and nod. It’s what Keiji told you would please Kōtarō. It’s what Keiji told you that you need to do.

The dinner itself is fine, but when you ask to use the restroom, Kōtarō points out the red splotches on your white dress. Panicking, you attempt to locate the spot as your face heats up in embarrassment. Keiji then points out the bit of blood on Kōtarō’s pants, making you think your cycle has started. At that mention, Kōtarō’s growling in anger as you seize up in fear, unsure of what to do. Keiji tells you to change while he deals with Kōtarō, you immediately obeying and going to the bedroom.

“I thought ovulating meant she would get pregnant. Why isn’t she pregnant? Were you wrong?” Kōtarō asks, still angry. He knows he scared you, your lingering scent of fear in the room and around him. He thought he could smell another scent on you, but he didn’t know what it could be.

“Bokuto-san, I know this is frustrating but it’s possible she didn’t get pregnant. However, spotting is a sign of pregnancy. It was only a few drops. If she has anymore blood leakage that gets heavy tonight, we’ll know,” Keiji is able to calm down Kōtarō, who rolls his shoulders back and lies against the back of the couch. “Do you want to change your jeans?”

“Nah, it’s barely noticeable. Plus,” a thumb runs over the denim, Kōtarō licking his lips as his eyes darken, “this is like she’s claiming me, right?”

Kōtarō does not force himself on you that evening. Instead, he just cuddles you that night. It’s a differing touch than Keiji’s, who ends up rolling to the other side of the bed in the night. Kōtarō holds you close and tightly all night, snuggling closer to you, as if it was possible, and nudging his nose in your neck. It’s sweet, you think, as he caresses you like you’re made of glass.

The next morning, Kōtarō has you properly dressed to leave with him. A set of panties, sweatpants, t-shirt, and a hoodie. It’s a casual set of clothes, but they are all you came to Keiji’s house in a week and a half ago. Kōtarō says he’ll get you better clothes once you’re settled in, but you feel uneasy as you bid goodbye to Keiji. He worries about your mental state once you’re alone with Kōtarō, but he just has to hope you’re able to seem stable enough for a day.

In Osaka, you feel like your life is beginning anew. It’s not much different from Tokyo, but as Kōtarō guides you through the streets, it becomes known that Osaka has a lot more greenery. It’s very beautiful, in your opinion. When he stops in front of an old house, you glance at him. “Our new home, sweetheart!” He cheers, kissing your cheek as he picks you up. Carrying you inside the house, you notice the security. The gate is only opened via pin entry, which the gate itself is roughly 2 meters tall. Even the door to the house requires thumbprint access, a very modern and technological touch in an older, traditional house.

He shows you to your room, which is also his room, but yours too. It has its modern touch, with the remaining aspect of futons to lay on. The cameras in the hallway also are in your view, the one in the bedroom and the hallway. Looking into each room, you notice they are containing cameras, but one room is different. “What’s this?”

“Oh? This is our nursery! So, when you have a baby, it’ll be in here,” he chirps, pointing out things in the room. Scanning the room, you notice the lack of camera secured.

“Where’s the camera?”

“What— what camera?” Rubbing the back of his neck, he fakes confusion. You see right through it.

“I noticed the other cameras. There’s not one here,”

“Oh, well, that’s because this room has baby monitors!” He gestures to the white device. A nod of understanding has the tour moving on. Showing you to the kitchen, you notice the pantry and fridge are stocked. “Would you make me dinner?”

“Of course. What do you want?”

“You, served hot and steaming in the bath,” he grins. Eyes widen as you realize what he wants, you sheepishly laughing as you acquiesce.

Kōtarō is much rougher than Keiji, you knew that, but the way he fucks you with fervor as he hasn’t seen you in almost five days is something akin to his rut. Sinking his teeth into your skin, remarking his territory as he spurs you into your first orgasm of the night. Your nails are digging into his broad shoulders, the only thing you can use to keep yourself grounded. The setting wasn’t in the bathroom, but rather the bedroom where he claimed he wanted to “seal the deal” of you coming home. Legs tighten around his waist, back arching as he continues to drive his cock into you and litter your neck with less painful marks, claiming already claimed territory. As he presses a wet, sloppy kiss against your lips, you scream as you tighten your walls, feeling his knot force its way inside you.

A warm hand rubs the side of your body as your walls convulse around him, squeezing as he pumps you full of his cum. It’s a memory to you, but it feels so warm and fulfilling, you immediately relax in his hold as he continues to pepper kisses along your body. It’s a comforting feeling, being praised and cared for, a drastic difference from the way Keiji treated you a few days ago. Well, how you think he treated you a few days ago. He said he never did it, but your body said differently. With Kōtarō’s eyes of love looking down on you, you didn’t think it mattered. That was in the past, this was the present. You felt comfortable here, that was what mattered.

When Keiji arrived with a bunch of boxes, you were told to make them lunch so they could eat when they were done. Kōtarō said he didn’t want you straining yourself after last night, so you agree to his demands. Deciding to make some udon for lunch, you get to work as they lug in the boxes. The boxes aren’t large nor heavy, but watching Kōtarō easily lift three of them with no effort, while Keiji brings in two at most with also no effort, you feel yourself get wet at the thought of them hot and sweaty afterwards. With a possible treat in mind, you work more diligently, mentally preparing yourself to ask them.

Keiji mentioned he’d be looking for another job while Kōtarō was at the gym. It would be the first time you would be alone and free to roam. You begged Keiji to not leave for too long, hands grasping at the fabric of his shirt as he pried your hands off. Kōtarō gave you a sweet kiss before he left, telling you he’d try to hurry back, but you knew Keiji would get back first. Sitting in the large house, you didn’t know what to do except cook and sleep. Your phone screen lit up with a message from Kōtarō, a picture of him blowing you a kiss with a message of ‘I miss you!’ under it. You smile at that, sending back a message that you miss him, too.

Before you lock your phone, you look at the many games you have on it. There’s one game you don’t remember being on it, it looks like a tracker app. Clicking on it, it welcomes you and it shows how far along you are in.. pregnancy? First reaction is to panic, how do you know if you’re pregnant? Going into the internet app, you search up symptoms of pregnancy. One that jumps out to you is the spotting, only a little bit of blood as the sperm fertilizes the egg. It is most likely what you did on Kōtarō’s lap, the day he came to Tokyo. Another surge of panic comes as you think of your lovers, your mates. With Keiji looking for a new job and Kōtarō being busy with being a professional athlete, they don’t have time to take care of you and a baby. You decide to not tell them.

Although you decide to not tell them, the next week is excuses of your recent symptoms. You find yourself more exhausted than usual, not even getting out of bed to bid goodbye to Kōtarō and Keiji. Not only that, you end up in the bathroom as you feel sick, but only half of the times does something come up. It’s when you have another episode of morning sickness does Keiji pop the question. “Should I get a pregnancy test?”

“N-No! I’m not pregnant, just some bad sushi!” When Keiji’s grip on your arm gets tighter, you whimper. “Keiji, stop hurting me,”

“I’m not hurting you, I just need you to tell me the tru-“ the door shutting cuts him off, his attention to the door of the bathroom where Kōtarō is, panting.

“Something’s wrong, isn’t it? I could sense it,”

“I’m just a bit sick-“ “She’s pregnant-“ You both speak at the same time. Your eyes widen as Keiji looks at you.

“Pregnant? Now? Really?” Kōtarō is ecstatic, but you don’t take it that way.

“I’m not, I promise! I’m sorry!” You beg. Kōtarō’s mood turns sour, the anger directed towards you. Keiji stands back, but he doesn’t interfere.

“Why are you lying to me? If Keiji says you are, then you are! I know you’re lying!” He kneels on the ground and grabs your shoulders, digging his meaty fingers into the flesh. You yelp in pain, attempting to get him off. “Why are you doing this?! You were doing so well!”

“Stop, Kō-chan, stop! You’re hurting me!” A call out of his childhood nickname has his rage quelling, as you brush his hands off and rub the stinging skin. “I don’t want to be pregnant,”

“This isn’t about what you want. It’s about what we want, do you understand that?” Keiji speaks, voice low and threatening. You quickly nod your head, attempting to explain yourself.

“I- I thought that you wouldn’t want a baby because you’re both busy! I don’t- I don’t want to burden you more than I do,” with your words, the anger and rage suddenly evaporates as they understand.

“Burden us? Baby, we love you and do everything for you. You’re going to be carrying my pups and Keiji’s babies, we want this. This is all I ever hoped for,” Kōtarō coos, taking your hands and pressing a kiss to them. A fit of sobs escape as you wrap your arms around him, hiccuping into his chest. Keiji sits and smiles, knowing you have completely adjusted into the proper role.

With the news of your pregnancy, Kōtarō is able to get off a lot more to be there for you. You’re no omega, so it’s not as if he has to take off for 9 months, and Keiji is there to take care of you. Keiji takes care of any appointments you need to do, signing you into a private hospital nearby where Kōtarō’s teammate’s omega gave birth. A list of what was normal was given to you and Keiji and what would be a cause for concern, so you made sure to drill into your head about the possible problems. It was vital that you were able to give birth, being able to give Kōtarō and Keiji what they wanted all you needed to take care of yourself. Keiji prepared your meals, making sure you were eating properly even before the bump showed.

When the bump became prominent, you were glad that your wardrobe consisted of dresses. The dresses you had were all loose-fitting and easy to move around in. With the upcoming winter months, you had lots of blankets and an oversized jacket, bearing Kōtarō’s MSBY number and logo. Kōtarō couldn’t keep his hands off of you, always rubbing your bump and pinching the extra fat you were putting on. Worry over the added weight was a brief concept that quickly evaporated as Kōtarō voiced how much he loves the extra meat to fondle and love, tickling you as you giggle afterwards. Keiji couldn’t say he disagreed with Kōtarō, the added weight adding to your cuteness charm as you did the most basic and minuscule things. He could disagree with Kōtarō on the obsession with the pregnancy milk, however.

Lactation was painful, the way your boobs ached as they were full of creamy milk. Although they ache, Kōtarō encouraged you to let him drink from them. Hesitation was in the beginning, but once his lips had secured themselves on your nipple and started sucking, it was quite relaxing. The tender ache in your breasts were gone as Kōtarō drank from them, but he often had to drink from both of them due to Keiji’s aversion. He didn’t see the appeal, he rather enjoyed teasing your nipples when the sexual appetite of yours had risen, but he didn’t see the appeal in drinking the milk. Keiji did oblige Kōtarō, however, in looking into lactation cookies, which would increase milk production and could even make it taste better. It was worth a try, as it would help the children to develop as you breastfed them.

The lactation cookies Keiji made looked awful, but tasted amazing. You would have eaten all of them had it not been for Keiji stopping you. Kōtarō seemed excited, immediately begging for another go. He’d have to wait until nighttime, since he often took naps after you breastfed him during the day.

At night, you often slept completely naked, able to easily feed Kōtarō if he woke up in the middle of the night. Your sex drive had risen exponentially in your second trimester, to the point Kōtarō had to request off to take care of you. He made sure to keep his promise, stuffing you with his thick cock and plugging you up with his cum or lapping at your folds until your fluids splashed against his face. With the third trimester underway, your libido has decreased while your milk had increased, but that didn’t deter Kōtarō from getting frisky. Even as Keiji bathed away from you two, he couldn’t help but touch himself to your whines and mewls.

Kōtarō has been riding a cloud since your pregnancy came about. Even before the milk, he found it hard to resist fucking you, especially with the added sensitivity. Your breasts were larger now, bouncing with every thrusts as he tweaks the nipples, watching the cream dribble from them. He can’t help himself, really, as he goes to attach himself to one of your perky buds. When Keiji enters the room, he chuckles at the sight.

“Should we worry that there won’t be enough milk for you and the baby?” He muses, sitting on the futon next to you. Your hand grasps at his silk shirt, bringing him down to give you a kiss. Even as Kōtarō drills into you, you want more. A wet pop resounds around the room as Kōtarō laughs, groaning in your ear as he plugs you with his knot, pumping you full.

“The pup can have those bottles, and with help of those miracle cookies, we should be fine. You sure you don’t want to at least try a bit? It feels nice for her, doesn’t it, my little Beta?” He coos, pressing kisses to your cheeks as you come down from your high, walls fluttering around Kōtarō’s cock.

“It relieves some pain, I’ll admit that,” you smile at Keiji. “You can try,”

“Well, how can I say no to that?” He smiles back at you, brushing hair out of your face. Kōtarō massages your breast, holding it so Keiji can attach his lips to the nipple. His eyes focus on the creamy liquid dripping from the bud, only to become transparent as it follows gravity. When he does get a taste, he knows he’s in trouble. It’s as delicious as Kōtarō said, creamy and full that makes you want more. As he sucks with fervor, you giggle and Keiji is joined by his other lover, suckling any milk he left behind. It’s such a strange thing to happen, both grown men sucking on your chest as if they had been born only recently. With the swell of your stomach, you knew they’d have to share their milky mine.

As your due date drew near, you found yourself unable to do anything alone. Kōtarō was off completely until you delivered and Keiji was no longer looking for a job, as it was decided Kōtarō made enough for everyone to live comfortably. He knew he’d have to find another job soon, as more children were born and needed to be fed, but that was a well ways off, at least 9 more months.

What started as a normal day soon turned to chaos as preparations for delivery expedited when your water broke. The hospital had your room prepared already, but it was for your week stay as you were three days away from your date. Kōtarō was in a frenzy, unsure of what to do but desperate to do something. Keiji has to drive to the hospital, while you were doing breathing exercises with Kōtarō in the back seat. It was the birth of their first child, so even Keiji was panicking, but he was also excited.

Once settled into the room, the nurses had to check to see how far along you were dilated. Kōtarō was anxious, his scent permeating the room as he started to pace. The doctor had come in, spurring him into a fighting mentality because the doctor was another Alpha. Keiji and a nurse had to get him out of the room, with a promise he could see the children once they were born, but he would have to wait in the waiting room. Weakly calling out his name and telling him you were fine, he obliged as he left, punching the wall once as he felt his emotions boil over. Keiji was by your side, holding your hand as you squeeze it, pushing when the doctor told you to.

When the room was filled with screaming, the clock chiming as 12:15 had arrived, signaling the date of birth of your first born son. With his stubby arms and legs, you laughed as you held him, Keiji getting the honor of cutting the cord. The baby still needed to be cleaned and checked over, so the doctor and nurses took him while Keiji went to get Kōtarō. By the time Kōtarō and Keiji has come back, you were holding a small, but still big, baby boy swaddled in a thick blanket. Kōtarō immediately raced over to look over both of you, his scent out of control as his emotions mingled together. He didn’t know what to think.

“It looks like it’s yours, Kōtarō,” Keiji says, hand resting on Kōtarō’s shoulder. He smiles in response, looking at the baby’s golden eyes blinking open at him.

“Sure does, Keiji. I guess the next thing we should work on is proper marriage, right?” He watches as the baby grasps his finger, the small hand even smaller compared to his large one.

“A proper marriage, yes. The ring, the dress, the ceremony, you would like that, wouldn’t you dear?”

“Of course Keiji. Anything you want.” As you look up to him, he sees nothing but love in your eyes. He smiles, nodding in agreement.

“Well, as well as making sure the next one’s mine. We should start on that as soon as possible, don’t you think?”

[im-not-a-writer]

Male Eivor x Reader ~Fear~

-Hey everyone! Wow it’s been.... A really long time since I’ve written anything here... Well with AC Valhalla coming out I thought it was only fitting if I add Eivor to my list! Enjoy everyone, let me know if there’s anything you want me to write next!- 

TW: mentions of blood 

The sun was drifting close to the horizon as the day had finally come close to its end and Eivor was still searching through Grantebridge. As most of the merchants were packing up for the night and preparing to return to their families Eivor was jogging from stall to stall, looking up and down for any sight of the girl he was supposed to be watching but there was absolutely no sight of her. After the last merchant had closed up shop for the night he sighed and rubbed his sore neck wishing the gods would stop wasting time and take him already. Making his way back to his horse he pondered where she could have gone, searching the recesses of his mind for any clues. She said that she needed supplies and obviously that’s why Eivor came to the market but he had been looking for her for some time now and if she was getting supplies here then someone would have at least seen her. His steed nibbled on his sleeve slightly and Eivor put a hand on the horse's broad neck, patting him gently and sighing once more. 

“Why do I always get put in charge of people hm?” He leaned his head against his horse’s neck and received a huff in response. 

Eivor stopped to think, if one was going to collect supplies but wasn’t doing it at a market then where would they go? His first thought was to raiding but there’s no way that this Saxon girl was storming a monastery anytime soon, although he would have paid good money to see her try. Eivor then, shaking the comical idea from his mind, realized at once where she went although he was not too excited to go and look for her. He mounted his horse and spurred him down the road and off towards the woods nearby, whipping past trees and fields as they went. As the sun began to droop lower into the sky the world faded into twilight. The warm orange of sunset was melting lower past the horizon and was being replaced with purples and blues, all swirling in the clouds as the last few rays of light sliced through the sky. Specks of starlight were poking through the sky as Eivor raced to the forest, the tree tops being doused in an inky black darkness as the sun began to set. It was dangerous out in the woods at night, especially for a girl who had brought nothing but a basket and a small hatchet with her. As far as Eivor was concerned, she was easy prey for anything out there whether it be man or beast, and he certainly did not want to see her harmed by either. 

He slowed his horse from a strong gallop and listened closely to the silent and thick air of the woods. As he rode further the trees began to grow tighter, the roots rose out of the ground threatening to trip his horse. Branches scratched at his cheeks and caught his tunic forcing him to halt his horse and dismount, sending his steed off back the way they came. 

“Don’t worry boy, I’ll be back soon.” he patted his horse fondly and turned to face the expanse of growing darkness in front of him. 

He pulled out a torch and kneeled down to light it, striking over it with a shard of flint and sending little sparks flying from between the rocks. The sparks caught and a flame slowly grew over the torch, consuming the alcohol soaked cloth at the end and roaring forth in a bright flame that illuminated the path ahead with an orange glow. Eivor trekked forward, stopping once in a while to listen to the shaking of the leaves and the rustle of small creatures until a sound forced him still. It was clear, bright, it sliced through the night like a razor and it brought a cold sweat to Eivor’s brow. Wolves. The howl was loud, but not too close, and there was only one which so far was a good sign but he worried about the rest that would soon be following. He sped up his pace while trying to be as silent as possible. Step after step he calculated his way forward, heading towards where the sound of the howl came from. Soon he emerged in an oblong clearing with a rock protruding out of the ground, jutting up against a slight cliff of more jagged rock. 

“Get away you beast!” A tired but spirited voice cracked from the rock. 

Eivor looked forward and felt his heart lighten slightly at the sight of the girl he had been looking for. She was standing on the rock with her back against the cliff frantically waving a piece of firewood in the face of the snarling creature in front of her. The wolf’s hair stood straight up and it’s growl permeated the air in a low hanging rumble. Eivor felt his chest tighten again at the sound and he tried to reach for his axe. His hand froze, fingers close to the handle but refusing to move. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears and his neck, sweat continued to develop on his forehead and he could do nothing but stare and shake. His breath and his entire form was telling him to just turn around and run for it, but as he watched her swat at the animal with nothing but a mere twig in hand Eivor found himself going against his body's wishes. With a breath to collect himself and a quick prayer to Odin he ran forward and before the wolf could turn around he plunged his hidden blade between the animal's ribs and felt as the breath escaped its mouth and its muscles finally relaxed. The animal slumped to the ground in a heap of grey fur, blood dripping out of a single clean cut. 

“Eivor! You found me!” The girl chimed, looking incredibly relieved. 

“Luckily, or you would have become a feast. What were you doing out here?” He replied, nudging the wolf carcass with his foot as he raised an eyebrow towards her trying to seem as natural as possible. 

“Like I told you I was getting supplies.” She raised her nose slightly at him. 

“The market was open, why didn’t you just go there?” He asked as he looked at the tree line, wary of any yellow eyes staring back at him. . 

“Because…” She looked down at her collection of firewood, “Because I didn’t like the type of wood they had at the market…” 

Eivor smirked and crossed his arms, knowing full well that was a lie. He was starting to feel much more comfortable now with her here, it was incredible how she could stare down the snout of a beast and still be trying to fool him. He waited for her response. 

“... OK! Ok, I forgot all of my silver and I didn’t want to bug you for anything so I thought I could go to the woods and get supplies myself and meet you back at the market before you even noticed… but I got a little bit lost… and then I got cornered…” She looked up at him slightly and cracked a small pitiful smile in appeasement and Eivor simply smirked in return. 

“Well, you’re very lucky that I found you but you can’t run off like that again, there was only one wolf this time but what happens when it’s the whole pack?” He looked back down at the dead wolf and felt a shiver go up his spine. 

“I will scream for help louder next time then,” She smiled brightly at Eivor and he could feel the shiver be replaced with warmth. 

“Ok well, we need to get out of here before we run into the rest of them, one wolf of this size is formidable enough but a whole pack is something I’d rather not deal with.” He leaned over and grabbed her basket and offered her a hand down from the rock. She smiled and took it, climbing down and taking her basket from him. He kept an eye out on the tree line as he pretended not to notice her holding onto his arm and they started to walk back towards the forest path together. 

“You had a hatchet with you, yes?” Eivor said, still listening to his surroundings. 

“Oh! Yes! I almost forgot about it!” She replied, holding onto him a little tighter as the trees closed in around them. “I wonder where I left it…” 

“You should be more careful, coming out here all by yourself without a real weapon is a death sentence.” His gruff voice delivered the slight sting of being reprimanded but also showed a deep care and concern which made her heart positively melt with every word. 

“I know… it’s just you were busy and I didn’t really feel like dragging you out of your important meeting with Soma.” She said as she brushed aside a stray branch. 

“I would have followed you out here regardless.” He said ducking slightly under a limb. 

He could tell that she was getting a little tense and she tightened her hold on his arm, “I disagree, whatever she had to say was much more important than following a smith to the woods.” 

Eivor shot her a side glance and narrowed his eyebrows and just as he was going to press further into what she meant he stopped. He lowered himself to the ground and pulled her close, putting a hand over her mouth softly and looking around. He could hear something. A crack of twigs and a rustle of leaves from his left and a brush of the ground from his right but at this point the night had advanced so much it was almost pitch black and he had left his torch back at the clearing. He stopped and waited, breathing slowly and trying to calm himself down. The girl in his arms shook slightly, either from the cold or from fear he didn’t know. Tightening his grip around her he removed his hand from her mouth and started to reach for his axe, slowly, this time his hands were quick to obey as he grasped the handle and pulled it out. He looked down at her and nodded slowly, hoping she understood the signal. Slowly, he started to rise, careful to balance his weight exactly where it had been as to not make any sounds. In one second he pushed the girl out of his arms and turned to his right, racing forward to sink his axe into the neck of a wolf ready to pounce. The girl tripped but gathered herself and sprinted forward, racing through the trees, ducking and pushing her way out of the woods as Eivor was left face to face with his worst fear. Before him stood a huge, black furred wolf with gleaming yellow eyes and an array of yellow fangs dripping with spit. The wolf twitched and lowered its head, growling and snarling as it’s massive paws depressed into the ground. Eivor could feel fear seep in, his heart was racing and his limbs shaking and disobeying. Wide eyed he stared at the creature in front of him as he shrank slowly, feeling once more like a child on a frozen lake. He knew what those teeth would feel like ripping into his skin, he’s felt it before. He knew what those claws could do, the pain they were designed to bring. Eivor felt himself shrink into a child, small and helpless, his years of warring and raiding melted away, his muscles evaporated as he felt himself become weak and small. The wolf stepped closer, the rumble of it’s growl growing. 

“EIVOR!” A voice screamed from somewhere in the distance but the fog surrounding Eivors mind was too thick, he scarcely even recognized his own name. “EIVOR!!” Once again there it was, Eivor twitched and turned slightly but he was too afraid to take his attention off the animal in front of him. 

“EIVOR YOU BLOCK HEAD- DUCK!” The voice screamed at him and finally he recognized it, his body snapped into motion as he fell to the forest floor as metal whipped overhead. 

The wolf exclaimed a high yip and fell to the ground in a slump of fur and teeth, twitching as life drained from it. Eivor dared not to look up, he wasn’t sure what had happened but he was too afraid even still to move. That duck had been the last push of his might. 

“Eivor! Are you alright!?” The voice spoke, the girl he was supposed to be watching swooped down and grabbed his shoulders. 

She could feel him shake through his many layers and pulled him close, “Eivor are you hurt?” She asked, concerned.

He could feel some sense returning to him as he melted in her embrace, he wrapped his large arms around her and collapsed into her lap, breathing frantically and heavily. She wasn’t sure what to do, she had never seen a man this formidable this scared before. She gently stroked his hair as he shook the fear out of his body and tried to force his breath back to normal. 

“Everything is going to be ok Eivor, he’s dead.” Her soft voice drifted into his ears and he tried so hard to be normal again but he continued to tremble. “Look,” She brought his face up from her lap and gestured to the dead wolf in front of him. “See?” 

Eivors stomach lurched slightly but reason took over as he saw the hatchet sticking out of the wolf's forehead, blood staining the blade slightly. 

“I see you… found your hatchet” He nervously laughed as he sat himself up and took a handful of deep breaths. 

She stared at him slightly, running a hand through his hair once more and smiling at him gently. “He can keep it,” She joked. “Come on, we need to get out of these woods.” 

The two found themselves back in Grantebridge, weary, a little bloody, and ready to collapse. Soma had arranged a room for them in the longhouse and neither of them had the energy to oppose. They walked into the longhouse, warmth circling them from the large hearth in the center, they could hear slight bouts of chatter as they walked towards their room but they didn’t have the energy nor the care to listen. Eivor watched as she walked in the room first, she took a look around and her eyes landed on the bed. 

“Don’t worry I can sleep on the floor,” Eivor spoke up, breaking their comfortable silence. 

“Oh… Yes… I suppose…” She started to flush at the cheeks as the Dane started to take off his cloak and unsling his weapons. 

Quickly she turned around and stared at the large bed before her. There were furs of all kinds draped over the bed and many pillows, it looked terribly inviting but incredibly lonely as well. She knew however, the consequences of a Saxon woman letting a Dane sleep in her bed, as unfortunate as it was she couldn’t get herself in an uncomfortable position that would damage either her, or her fathers reputation. She looked back slightly at Eivor, he was down to his tunic now. He looked different without all those layers and weapons on, this way he looked so much softer. She stared for a little too long and turned back around, looking down at her dirty and tattered frock. She knew she couldn’t sleep in this but she also didn’t think undressing in front of a Dane was any better than sleeping in the same bed as him. 

Eivor folded his cloak and placed it on the ground next to the bear skin that would stand as his bed tonight. As he looked back up he noticed a lingering glance from the girl before him. A blush on her cheeks as she quickly turned the other way. “Sorry… Would you like me to sleep outside?’ He asked. 

“No! No.. I mean, of course not! I’m just… I’ve never…” She looked down at her hands and she fiddled with her frock, picking some dried mud off of it. “Um, well I’m going to put the candles out um… thank you for saving my life!” She hurried to the candles and hushed them out, darkness overtook the room and Eivor stood staring. 

He shrugged it off and lowered himself down onto the bearskin rug, he could hear the brief thump of her clothes hitting the floor and he forced himself away from any impure thoughts. He could feel his weariness start to take over him but every time he closed his eyes he saw the same thing. Those gnashing teeth, the curled snout, eyes of amber staring straight into his very soul. Every time he tried to relax his muscles he could feel those teeth in his neck and those claws ripping down his back. 

“Eivor…” A soft voice forced his attention. 

“Yes?” he replied, he could hear the sleep on her voice. 

“Could you…. If you wanted to…. Um…. come up here...please,” she stuttered. 

It caught the Dane off guard at first. He sat up slowly and turned to look through the darkness. “Are you sure?” he asked. 

“Um well, if you don’t want to I-” 

‘No, I want to.” He smiled slightly and stood up slowly. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable” 

“Well you just standing there staring at me is making me uncomfortable.” 

He laughed and smiled, walking towards the bed and placing his hand down on the furs. “Well in that case I’ll just keep my eyes closed.” 

He lowered himself down into the bed, careful to keep a respectful distance. 

“You could… come closer.” She said softly. 

Eivor moved slightly, “Is that better?” 

“A…. a little bit closer.” 

Once more he moved, he could feel the warmth of her body radiating at this distance, it was almost intoxicating. “Better?” 

“Just.. a little closer.” 

Eivor moved closer, he could feel her body against his and he could feel his face erupt in warmth. “Better?”

“Much… thank you.” She leaned back into him and sighed with content.

He wrapped his large arm over her waist and with a little tug pulled her flush against him. She smiled and prayed that this would never end. 

“Thank you for saving me….” Eivors low voice said softly. 

“I should be the one saying that.” She laughed and he could feel it through her back. 

They melted into each other's arms and he closed his eyes, in peace this time and just as sleep was starting to overtake him. 

“I won’t tell anyone.” She said, breaking him out of his slumber. 

“Hm? What?” 

“That Eivor Wolf-kissed isn’t made out of metal” She giggled and turned slightly to face him. 

He felt his heart quicken at the sudden closeness of their faces. “What is that supposed to mean?” 

“ Fear makes us human Eivor.” She smiled sweetly and looked into his eyes.

She leaned forward slowly and lingered just in front of his lips for a moment before leaning further and closing the gap between them. They kissed, softly, as if pushing too hard would cause the other to disappear. When they separated giggles and chuckles filled the room. They met once more before both of them felt the sweet sensation of sleep wash over them.

[buglife]

Frogs + king Quirrel /king ghost. (Sorry for the lack of direction I like you  weird frog things)

Info about Hallownest Frogs -> Here

There was something on their face.

Ghost roused from the land of dreams, having just pruned some more nightmares from the collective minds of the kingdom. They had first noticed the pressure a short while ago. It quickly escalated into the feeling of cold wetness as something alive wriggled on the front of their built-in mask. It had got annoying very quickly, and they had decided to hasten their return to the waking world. The sight that greeted them wasn’t another prank by Tiso, a leak in the roof, or anything else.

It was a goddamned frog.

The fat little creature looked them dead in the eyes with their wall eyed stare and blinked slowly.

“Keroo.” It croaked softly. “Keroo.”

At least now, they were actually bigger than the frog. The first one they ever encountered was back when they were small, and the frog was nearly as big as they were. They had remembered poking it with their nail a few times, watching it inflate bigger and bigger in annoyance. Finally, it had one too many pokes and opened its fanged mouth to scream, which sent them running. Absolutely Terrifying. The sound they make when pissed is even enough to make a god shiver.

They were surprised to learn later that frogs were actually the pet of choice for many residents of Hallownest before the fall. They tended to be mild mannered and docile, until poked too many times. They had started seeing more of them after taking the throne, but those ones were on leashes and in the front cases of pet stores. They personally didn’t interact with them much.

The frog croaked again, and it was answered by many more, and it sounds like they were on the bed as well. Moving carefully, Ghost moved their arms out from under the covers to grasp the frog and lift it from their mask. It puffed up in annoyance, but thankfully didn’t start screaming. They turned their head to look at their spouse, and sighed.

Quirrel was still asleep, and also covered in frogs. They looked down to see many more, just resting in the covers and attempting to snuggle in near their legs and body. Ghost guessed that they were looking for warmth, and cuddles, as clearly these ones were friendly. They did not appreciate how the one in their hands started to wiggle, wanting to be put down. They did just that, and the frog crawled over to lay on their chest.

They reached over to shake their spouse, annoying more frogs as they climbed off Quirrel to snuggle next to him. Quirrel took a moment to awaken, as it was a little earlier than usual.

“Mmm….what’s the matter, dear?” He yawned widely, and was startled awake by a loud croak.

He sat up quickly, beholding the frogs that swarmed the bed. He looked at them, and then back to Ghost. “Love...why are there frogs in our bed?”

Being around them for so long has dulled their beloved pillbug’s sense of shock. He rolled right with the punches, and as far as they knew, waking up with a bed full of frogs was on the bottom of the list of distressing discoveries.

Ghost hummed and looked over the amphibians crowding around them. Now that both were awake, they were attempting to shove their way under any hand that was available, demanding attention. They looked clean and plump, so they weren’t strays that broke into the palace. Looking closer, they saw little bands on their arms, each in different colors. They sighed as the realization hit them.

“Hollow.”

------

Hollow was the happiest they have ever been. After years of therapy and love, they have decided what they wanted to do with their lives. Having the support of their siblings has been wonderful and being allowed to choose what they wanted to do was a very welcome feeling. They had wanted to be kind. All they have ever wanted to do, was to help. Even when the Pale King had convinced them that they were hollow, that feeling of wanting to help and protect were still strong.

They were now a proper knight, Hollow the Kind. No longer were they a tool, an ornamental piece designed to just stand there like a living statue. They were free to wander the kingdom and help, but today, they were in their room in the palace. They were often away, but they were happy to have their own room to decorate as they pleased. It ended up turning into a sanctuary with potted plants that lumaflies liked to gather on. They kept their window open, letting them in and out as they pleased. It tickled them so much that they would choose to visit, and they would sit and watch them flit about for hours.

It was a few days ago when they found a box of abandoned frogs and their young, pollywogs, left in the city of tears. The box was shut, so most likely someone got tired of the strays and decided to do something about it. They had taken the box, sneaking it past everyone, to take it to their room. They have been caring for them ever since, giving them attention and making them healthy again. Soon, they’ll be ready to be given away to new families and get their second chance in life.

Hollow knew all about second chances.

They had fed all the frogs and put them to bed on a nest on the floor, and then fell asleep. At least, they think that is what happened. They jolted awake in their armchair when they heard the voice of their twin in through the void.

“Sibling, are you awake?”

Hollow was awake now. They were family, but they were still their knight as well. Is there trouble? Anxiety shot through them and they shivered slightly.

“I am.” Hollow replied in turn, void rumbling within themselves as they grabbed their nail. “Are you in danger?”

“No. May I come in?”

Hollow chuffed. “Yes.”

They were not prepared when Ghost opened their door. Hollow was prepared to see them in any other way except covered in frogs. They needed all four arms to hold them, and the ones that did not fit were perched on their head and shoulders. Hollow looked at the frogs and then towards the nest where they were supposed to be. It was empty. They looked back and forth a few times and didn’t move when Ghost entered. Hollow watched them deposit all the frogs gently back into the nest, picking the ones off their head.

“They were in our bed.” Ghost continued. They didn’t sound angry, just amused.

Hollow shrank in on themselves. “I’m sorry, they must have gotten out, I fell asleep-”

“You are fine, my sibling.” Ghost had to reach up to put their hands on their shoulders. “I am not angry.  I am happy that you are enjoying what you do, and that you are using your strength to help those who are weak.”

“However,” They continued, sweeping their eyes across the room. “Your heart has outgrown the space for you here.”

Hollow didn’t know what to think about that comment. Were they going to have to leave? Luckily their fears were quickly put to rest when Ghost continued.

“I believe we have extra funds in the royal treasury. How about we make plans together for an animal shelter? Surely you’ll have more room there and will have proper tools to use to rehabilitate them.” Hollow could hear the humor in their siblings voice as they gestured at the frogs now swarming in attempts to get on their bed. “Of course, if you don’t mind one more duty on top of the ones you have, I can only think of one person suitable to head it.”

Hollow wheezed happily and gripped their smaller sibling in a hug that would have smooshed a lesser bug. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” Their void speech ran together as their joy didn’t allow for pause. Ghost chirped and hugged back, now happy that from now on, they are less likely to wake up with a creature on their face.

And that, is how the Gentle Giant Animal Shelter came to be.

[mangamushi]

Thoughts on Panorama of Hell

 (HINO Hideshi, 1 volume, 1984)

(warning for spoilers and disturbing topics)

In Panorama from Hell, a painter obsessed with depicting hell takes the reader on a journey to discover his life. His work, his neighborhood, his family members and family history are presented to paint a bleak and violent picture of hell on earth.

Hideshi Hino is a very big name of horror manga. Panorama of Hell is one of Hino’s most famous and acclaimed manga, and represents in many ways the quintessence of his style. When he draw Panorama, he thought it would possibly be his last horror manga (he didnt actually stop after that, though).

It displays all his favorite themes and even blatantly recycles ideas from his previous works. It is therefore is a very good entry point for anyone interested in Hino’s stuff. One the other hand, it feels a bit redundant when you are already familiar with his work, especially if you have read Lullaby from Hell, as both manga are very similar. 

As the title suggests, Panorama takes place in a hellish setting, described in great details by the main character.  He is a painter who uses his own blood to paint, and the world he lives is horrible in many ways: from his window he sees an execution platform operating non-stop, a stream full off trash and corpses runs next to his house, he lives in the smell of burning bodies because of the next-door crematorium... 

These first few chapters are so insistent on being as abhorrent as possible that I found it hard to take seriously. In the beginning it felt so exaggerated and lacking any subtlety  that it almost felt a bit comical at times, like the author was just stacking awful things on more awful things for shock value.

“his daily routine”

And it keeps escalating from there. Next, his family is introduced: cruel children with a dark sense of curiosity, a beautiful wife who seems straight out of a classic japanese horror tale (pale skin and long black hair, wearing traditional clothes...), until we go back in time to witness the story of his grand-parents and parents. 

It gradually becomes more interesting, especially the part about his family which shows deeply ingrained violence and insanity getting passed down from a generation to the next. It culminates when historical events (WWII and its aftermath, the atomic bombings) are shown, intertwining with the painter’s personal story.

Different kinds of hells complete each other (ambient with initial setting and scenery of desolation, a more personal hell with the intra-familial violence, and the wider-scale historical hell of war).

Overall, I find Hino less imaginative than  fellow “horror masters” Junji ito and Kazuo Umezu. Those two can come up with the craziest ideas, whereas Hino’s scenarios and imagery are somewhat more expected/conventional for horror. 

But perhaps the most interesting part of Panorama is the way it blurs the borders between reality and fiction. First of all, the main character, an artist who specializes in depicting horror, acts as a stand-in for Hino himself. This is fairly common in his work, his other manga Lullaby from hell even has an extremely similar character overtly present himself as Hino: 

The artist from Panorama is making his last, best painting, just like Hino who was thinking of ending his mangaka career with his strongest work.  Both the painting and the manga share the same title, “Panorama of Hell”. 

 The similarities between Hino and his main character don’t end here, and many elements of the story are actually taken from Hino’s own life: his grandfather really was a yakuza, his brother went into a coma, his father was pig farmer with a tattoo on his back...

Just like the painter, Hino grew up in the context of the direct aftermath of WWII. Both the character and the author were born in Japanese-occupied China, and were nearly killed when their family fled back to Mainland-Japan after the country’s loss. He takes inspiration from his own life and in the traumatizing things he witnessed and lived through to draw his manga. It is hard to discern what is fiction or not in the painter’s story. Many elements are obviously fantastical and folklore-ish, like the beheaded ghosts visiting the wife’s bar (this chapter feel like a tone-shift, it is much more whimsical, with the corpses happily eating their own body parts), yet the references to real historic events like the war and Hiroshima bombing still links Panorama of Hell to reality, to our world. 

The painter’s insanity makes him an unreliable narrator. Indeed, at the end of the story, the current members of the painter’s family (his wife, his daughter and son, his brother...) are revealed to have been fake all along : the wife and children are a mannequin and puppets, the brother is a pig’s corpse...

Moreover, by having the painter address the reader directly (”let me show you...”) Hino breaks the fourth wall that should separate the world of fiction from reality.

 This culminates at the very end of the book, where the painter throws an axe at the reader to kill them.

Hino’s art style is really simple and easily recognizable. The way he draws body horror and wounds isn’t very realistic, which makes the gore parts less shocking. His character’s simple, soft, deformed appearance reminds me of modeling clay or perhaps melting plastic toys.

I am even tempted to describe his style as cute. The big eyes, round features, and the way his characters are often miserable and mistreated by others...it is cute in a pitiful way.

Hino draws lots of babies, children, and baby animals which adds to both the cuteness and the horror. It also helps that I share Hino’s fondness for insects, worms and other similar crawling creatures...

There are figures based on his works that are just too cute! 

Hino often puts animals in his stories and even merges animals and humans. He writes stories where people transform into animals (Bug Boy) or give birth to inhuman creatures ( Unusual Fetus -My Baby ). Human bodies are more often than not hosts to parasites and maggots (Mermaid in a manhole...).

In Panorama of Hell, humans are executed one after the other like livestock in a slaughterhouse, and their bodies get dumped in a stream where they mix with other dead animals. Beheaded bodies try to put animal heads on to feel complete again, and the painter’s daughter is obsessed with animal corpses that she collects and dissects.

He doesn’t use any screen tones, nor does he use a lot of crosshatching as a mean to create different shades of grey, so the jet black ink creates a stark contrast against  the white of the paper. Some pages are beautiful and esthetically pleasing in spite of the repulsive contents. Especially towards the end of the book, which depict strange surrealist imagery as the world is falling apart.

His frequent use of pitch black silhouettes reminds me of shadow play theater  (which originates from China where Hino was born), as well as of Kamishibai (street theater using paper, which was very popular in post-war Japan). 

Kamishibai originates from buddhist temples and was often used to spread buddhist teachings.

Hino makes uses of buddhist concepts and imagery in his depiction of hell. Panorama of Hell could be compared to the Hell Scroll, a famous scroll describing the Chinese Buddhist conception of hell with text and pictures. 

↑ The “Blood Lake” and “Needle Moutain” in this panel refers to two of the different kinds of hells depicted in the Hell Scroll. The blood lake is exclusively for women.

Young women are only thing that are drawn in a conventionaly beautiful way.  However, finding beauty and fascination in the most horrendous things is a central point of Hino’s body of work. His characters are either artists or collectors obsessed with what fits their strange idea of beauty (cf. Flower of Flesh and Blood, where a woman’s dismemberment is an act of creation and a research of ideal beauty in the perpetrator’s eyes).

The contrast between the solid black shadows and the untouched white of the paper can give the impression that a strong, blinding light is hitting the world. The violent light emitted from an explosion, for example. Which is fitting, giving the importance of the Hiroshima atomic bomb in the story and its repercussions that still dawn on the characters years later. It’s like the characters are constantly bathed in the harsh light of the bombings. 

The Hiroshima bomb is called a “gigantic emperor from hell”, it rules over the character’s lives, even years after it was dropped. As a child, the painters created a replica of the mushroom cloud that he worships like a god.

Panorama of Hell is a very dark and pessimistic work, displaying a world where there is no hope and nothing is spared (not even the reader, who receives the painter’s axe!). In fact, the main character was already doomed before he was even born. Indeed, he is the child of the Hiroshima bomb itself: his mother got pregnant as she was hit by a beam from the explosion. 

[silence-burns]

Please Hate Me //part 39

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Based on: “Imagine having a love/hate relationship with Loki.” by @thefandomimagine​ Who would have thought that babysitting a god could be so much fun?

Genre: slow-burn, enemies to lovers

Running is a funny thing. Despite what you probably think, it can actually bring a lot of pleasure if done in the right circumstances. A lot of people run to feel better. Some do it for sport, or for health reasons. There's running through the park, or in the gym. There are many types of running and most of them are actually quite enjoyable.

Running for your life is not one of those.

Running for your life overrides everything you think you know about running. The adrenaline pumped into your veins allows your body to overlook some of its limits, which is very handy. It lets you do things you'd never have thought about pulling off, like, for example, cutting corners with godspeed, while also ducking your head to avoid having it bitten off. It also allows your legs to fly you through the tangled mess of gardens despite the breath hitching in your throat. 

The chemistry of the human body is truly a marvelous thing. 

You'd give it more thought, but the beast of a spider scuttling behind you occupied too much of your mind. It was a marvelous thing too, and one you wished to never mull over too deeply. There was little you wanted to do less than think about its abnormally sharp chelicerae trying to bite the flesh off your back. Or the spindly, wiry legs sending it running after you with the speed no insect, and definitely not one of that size, should ever be allowed to achieve. It was simply unfair. 

The dagger Loki gave you was still buried into one of the creature's huge, glowing eyes, now leaking a greyish muck. It should raise your morale, to see it hurt. It didn't. 

You slipped on the mud, and slid down between the trees. Thorns broke your skin and roots slammed into your legs. The spider hissed, strings of saliva spraying from its gaping mouth, when you ducked under one of the lower branches - a thick, sturdy thing that shook when the spider threw itself at it, but didn't break. Not at first, at least. 

It gave you enough time to push yourself up and back in the direction of the massive castle looming over everything. The mountain that was a part of it rose over even the highest trees. Under different circumstances, it would be a menacing sight. In yours, it was a relief not to get lost. 

The wood creaked and groaned and then broke somewhere behind you. What a pleasant way of reminding your legs that they could run even faster. 

You broke out of the woods and back onto the winding paths leading to the fountain. It was broken now, and its pieces cemented in the mud; as if running wasn't difficult enough. 

The castle was so close. There must've been someone who’d seen all that mess, someone who would surely come to help. 

But they didn't. 

"Loki!" you screamed at the top of your lungs toward the pile of marble - all that was left of the original construction. "Could you not be dead right now?!" 

There was little that could have reached the god laid sprawled among the debris. It would fit the romantic narrative if hearing your voice gave Loki new strength and raised him from the dead, but the truth was, all that he could hear was the blood pumping in his veins, the water rushing from the damaged pipes, and on top of it all the—powerful, although turned inward—scream of his devastated pride. 

To be swept like a bug, like an insect unworthy of any more attention, like a nuisance to get rid of - what a pitiful sight he must be. 

Even just imagining that made his blood boil. Steam rose from the debris and fueled his rage further. Loki was no bug. 

He was angry. 

An explosion sent the debris flying. You scuttled forward, shielding your head in your arms. For a moment, you thought something even worse than a bizarrely overgrown spider came to ruin your day. 

The golden helmet shone as Loki rose, his eyes immediately turning to the monster behind you. The god reached into the depths of his magic. It awakened eagerly.

"That's quite enough," he groaned from the heights of the pile. 

He was battered, bruised, and a little embarrassed, which was never a good sign. The green light crackled hungrily around his fingers as he eyed the monster rushing after you, stumbling through the mud. 

Mud was not what he'd prefer, but mud was all he had. 

The magic surged out of Loki's hands in a wave of shivering air and glistening frost. It writhed and bit and raised in a wave of freezing spikes. Ice crackled with sudden chill as it pierced through the belly of the spider and raised it off the ground, helplessly wriggling its legs. 

The ground was freezing under your hands as you pushed yourself up, balancing on the coat of ice. 

"Glad to see you alive," you said, backing away from the writhing spider. Yellow entrails oozed over the ice, but it still refused to die. 

Loki shot you his best grin, brushing the dirt off the leathers of his armor. "It would be rude to just leave you on your own. Besides, you'd probably hate me if I didn't take you to Valhalla with me." 

"You know me too well." 

Relief clutched his chest when you looked mostly unharmed, even if a little out of breath. There was a lot Loki wanted to say to that smile you gave him, and to the hand that grasped his in looking for balance. He even started on the words- but wasn't able to finish. The spider was a wicked thing, born of feral magic and it did not want to die. 

The spikes broke and rained shards of ice around. The huge, bulbous body shook with the impact of striking the ground again. Hissing and shaking, the spider's fury rose as it clawed the frozen mud, digging trenches into the ice.  Its eight legs were perfect for keeping balance and hurtling it with terrifying speed forward. 

Loki pushed you away as the magic surged around him and struck the monster to the side. It curled as it hit one of the statues of people long gone, and sent it flying in pieces. The cracks on the spider's back were deep, but they were already healing when it raised again like it couldn't even feel the pain. And maybe it was true and the reason why it was such a vicious, unstoppable enemy. Loki sent another spear of ice through it, washing the frost in yellow. 

You cursed, looking around for anything or anyone. 

The castle walls were right there, and the corridors you'd walked not so long ago all overlooked the gardens you now fought for your lives in, and yet, no one seemed to be aware of it. You'd waited, and hoped, and it did nothing to change the tides, so you gave that up and focused on what you knew best. 

The spider hissed and spat greenish acid as it tore itself open on Loki's spikes, pushing itself despite ripping parts of its body off. Loki kept on cutting its legs off with a lance bleeding golden dust, but it slowed the spider down only a little. 

If only there was something you could use for a bigger impact… Like the huge, already half-crumbled marble statues just standing around. 

Well, you'd already ruined some of them, how much would one more matter in the grand scheme of things? 

Loki had the full attention of the monstrous spider, which was very convenient and equally dramatic. He looked unfairly good with his green cape flowing behind him as he cut, ducked and stabbed the spider while also trying to freeze its remaining legs to the ground. 

You tried to be less dramatic while you snuck around and made it to the back of one of the statues nearby. It stood high on a pedestal, with the figure majestically carved like a moving warrior. Whoever it depicted, was standing on one leg, in the middle of a run. It was such a perfect little detail, you thought, as you took a nice, heavy block of stone and climbed up the pedestal. 

"Loki!" you shouted while chopping the marble and watching the cracks spread up its surface. "Get your ass over here!" 

There was not much time Loki could spare to see what you were doing, but he retreated a little, luring the spider after him, closer and closer to where you now stood. You pushed with your remaining strength. 

Right when the statue started to fall, Loki cut off the spider's front legs and sent another wave of frost over the already frozen ground. He jumped away while the spider struggled to stand. 

The statue had fallen with a loud, nauseating crack of splitting stone and splashed juices. 

You half-slipped, half-climbed down the now empty pedestal, trying to avoid the disgusting yellowish muck that coated everything thickly. 

You watched Loki push some bigger pieces of the carcass around with the tip of his spear. He was very focused on whatever he was doing, which was convenient, because you'd had absolutely no desire to lend him a hand. 

The ground was wonderfully cold as you knelt on it a healthy distance away from the mess. Sweat covered every part of your body that was now trembling out of exhaustion. Your breath came out in a cloud of white as you laid down on the frozen mud and crumbled stone. The stars were beautiful as always, and so huge they looked as if in your reach. 

There was nothing short of disgust on Loki's face as he held up something hidden in the soaking remains of the shriveled spider. It was a piece of stone with a slim handprint in the middle. He felt its magic under his fingers, angry to have its vessel ruined. Now that it was taken out of the carcass, its power was not enough to heal it yet again. 

Loki was very glad about that. His evening was eventful enough for his liking. He hid the stone in his pocket. 

He headed your way, discarding his golden helmet and the spear as he went. They disappeared in a shimmer.. 

You looked up at him. Blood covered the right side of his face in what a painter would call violent brushstrokes, and what looked to you like a face slammed into a fountain. 

"You look like shit." 

Loki looked at the arm you held stiffly over your stomach, and at all the scratches and scrapes you'd collected like autographs from every tree and a bush on your way. 

"At least we match." 

His face contorted in pain as he lowered himself next to you, embracing the blessed chill of the ground against his bruised flesh. The magic was a flickery thing on the Edge, and it did not like outsiders. Loki could already feel it working against his spells and undoing the coat of ice around. 

"You know what," he said, laying in the mud and looking at the stars. "I used to like spiders."

"I used to think magic was cool," you said, watching galaxies travel through the never ending night. "Now I feel like it hates me." 

"I can assure you, that abomination was aimed at us by someone much more real than the general concept of magic. And I know how to track that someone. Tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow?" 

"Yes. I think I'm done with today." 

You nodded. Your joints felt stiff and loose at the same time. "Agreed.."

The stars looked down on you, boneless in the melting sea of mud and marble. The stars understood little of the ways of mortals, but they knew what it felt to be tired. 

"Loki." 

"What." 

"How is it that you got injured by that thing?" 

"My face had been introduced to a few surfaces, you know. That smile of yours tells me enough about how much you'd seen."

"Yeah, that was marvelous, I wish I got it on tape. But, usually you don't get so roughed up. Remember when you got hit on Earth? You said it hurt, but you never blacked out." 

"It doesn't work that way. I wasn't born on Earth, so things that are inherently earthly, and lack the magic matching the one in my veins can't influence my state much. I might feel pain, and maybe get a few bruises, but it just doesn't work on my… being." 

You frowned. 

"But back when you invaded New York, you got smashed quite a few times by Hulk, and you, from what I could tell, didn't enjoy it. "

Loki sighed. "...I don't want to be talking about that incident ever again. That beast is… not entirely like everyone else on your precious Earth, that's all the explanation I can piece together."

"And that's why it Hulk-smashed you for good?" 

"To put it in terms that you can understand without any knowledge on the theory of magic, you can't destroy water with a stone, no matter how many times you clash them together in your hands. They have different… cores. But if two stones clash, they will both take damage, because their very being is similar in nature and they can interact with each other fully. I am a being born of magic. The spider was too, so every hit from it did more damage than anything else invented on Earth."

 "...so you're saying you're too stoned for guns?"

"I swear on Valhalla, on one of those nights I'm gonna murder you. Your puns are not half as funny as you think."

"That's fair, I guess. Could you please at least choose a pretty night?" 

Loki took your hand in his. He liked the feeling of your fingers linked together. "I will." 

"You're so romantic. I promise to only ever share the mud with you." 

Loki chuckled, despite the sharp pain in his cut face. He looked at you and saw stars in your eyes and love in your smile. There was dust in the kiss you shared, and blood on your tongues that didn't stop you. There were very few things in the universe that could've stopped your embrace there. In fact the stomping of the castle guards that finally made it to the gardens qualified. 

Loki still held your face in his hands when their swords aimed at you. Despite the gentleness he embraced you with, there was nothing warm in the gaze he met the guards with. 

"I suggest you reconsider your hostility," Loki's voice dripped with threat. 

The lean man with a needle-like rapier you'd seen earlier, stepped out. There was a growl in his features, and tension in his arms. The star-like freckles that used to cover the night expanse of his skin were now dim and grey. 

"My name is Faroq and I am the captain of the guard. I demand answers, now," was all he said, still as a statue himself. 

Loki didn't rise from the ground, and neither did you. He only gestured to the steaming remains of the spider behind their backs. "I believe someone has lost their pet. Do me a favor and give it back to them."

Faroq snapped orders at his guards to check on the muck underneath the broken stone. In the meantime, Loki helped you to your feet with a charming smile and his back to Faroq. Whatever the stone he had found was, Loki had no intention of sharing it with the fuming lord. 

The captain of the guard only asked you a few questions, but it was clear that he believed nothing you said, even though for once you weren't even lying. It was not your fault that someone on the Edge wanted to silence you before the investigation found the ambassador's murderer. There was no point in Loki or you setting a ravenous murder-spider on yourselves, but Faroq didn't buy it. 

When he ordered you to return to your chambers, both of you gladly followed, with as much dignity as you could muster while covered head to toe in mud. 

[rainydaysofspring]

Why are you lying to me?

Hello everyone and welcome back to another round of angsty  Open Heart Fanfiction! I got a little carried away with this...

My requests are OPEN, so if you want me to write anything, hit the ask-button!

Prompt: "Why are you lying to me?"

Words:  1.826

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Liliana Summers)

Warnings: General Angst, Death, a little Hyperventilating, Crying. If I forgot any, feel free to reach out!

Tag-List: @ethandaddyramseyx​ @catchinglikekerosene @maurine07​ 

If you want to be added or removed from my Tag-List, please let me know!

Liliana sat on the round table in the diagnostics office, her mind wandering around possible diagnoses for their patient. The team had already ruled out numerous possibilities, but they weren't out of Options. They decided on their next steps when Liliana's phone rang. She saw it was her mother trying to reach her. She excused herself from the table and stepped outside the office.

"Mum, what is it? I'm in a meeting, I'm a bit short of time..." Her sentence got cut off by a sound at the other end of the line. It sounded like a sob for all she knew. "Mum? Is everything okay?" Her mother took a second to collect herself, then spoke up. "Bug, it's your brother." The tone of her mother's voice confused Liliana. It was shaking and thin. "He's dead. He got killed in a car crash." In shock, it took Liliana a second to process what her mother just said. "Are you serious?" Her voice grew thinner, proclaiming the fact that she was about to cry too. "Lili, I'm sorry. It happened last night. I have to go now. I love you." Still shocked, Liliana just said, "Love you too."

Trying to conceal what Liliana's mother just told her. Her brother died. She straightened her posture. Baz and Harper were about to leave when she stepped back into the meeting.

Ethan looked at Liliana, observing her. His fellow doctor held herself up differently. Her eyes searched the room, avoiding eye contact with him, "All my patients are stable. Do you want me to run some tests on Mr. Clarke?" Her voice was tiny. Something was wrong with her. "No, Harper and Baz are on it. Liliana, are you alright?"

Liliana just nodded, turning around, opening the door, where she almost stumbled into Leland Bloom. "Dr. Summers, nice to see you. I was hoping to talk to Dr. Ramsey for a bit, though." Liliana stepped outside, going her way. Ethan wanted to go after her. He knew something was not right. "Mr. Bloom, I'm afraid we'll have to postpone this conversation to another time." He hurried to the door, but Bloom stopped him. "It's urgent. Have a seat." Leland was not going to let him go. He reluctantly took a seat in his office chair, hoping to catch a glance of Liliana through the glass walls, but she was gone.

Liliana walked through the halls of Edenbrook, her head full of questions. She needed a quiet place to think, so she headed to the only quiet place she knew in the entire hospital: The serenity gardens. At this time, they usually were empty. Liliana opened the heavy doors, stepping inside the peaceful environment, leaving the hectic hospital behind her.

She wandered through the planted halls for a bit before taking a seat. Thinking about the call with her mother earlier, she remembered the missed call from her brother. She took out her private phone, listening to the voicemail he left.

"Hey Smarty, I'm sure you're in a super important meeting. Also, I think this thing will cut me off any second, so I just wanted to say how much I look forward to seeing you when I'll visit Boston! Love you, bye."

When listening to his voice, the gravity of what her mother told her, sunk in and the tears started flowing freely. Meanwhile, in the Diagnostics Office, Bloom tried to talk Ethan into a new trial, finding a cure for his wife. Seemingly, he wanted Ethan to send fitting patients of the diagnostics team to the study. Even before deliberating other options with them.With a quick "I'll think about it." he dismissed Bloom and hurried out of his Office. He was determined to find Liliana. Something seemed wrong.

After checking nearly every supply closet and On-Call Room the hospital had to offer, he thought about where to go next. She wanted Silence if she's sad. He checked his old office first, finding nothing. Then, it hit him. He knew where she was.Almost running through the hospital, he finally reached the Doors of the Serenity Gardens.

Walking in, he heard quiet sobs coming from further into the halls. Walking in, he quickly found who he was looking for. Liliana sat with her back facing him, her shoulders moving up and down as she cried. Ethan made his way towards her.

"Hey, how are you holding up?" Ethan asked Liliana after he found her in the Serenity Gardens. Startled, Liliana tried to conceal her puffy red eyes but failed to. He lightly touched her shoulder, sitting astride opposite to his girlfriend. "What happened in there? What was this call about?" Liliana just shook her head.

"Lili, I can't help you if you don't tell me what is going on. Please let me help?" he gently asked.Ethan looked at her, the worry in his eyes more than evident. Liliana was sobbing. Ethan had no idea why she was in that state or how he could get her to calm down. His hands went to her hips, gently touching her, wandering up to rub her arms up and down.

"Can you talk?" He gently asked. Liliana just shook her head and continued to cry. Her brother was dead, for god's sake. The guy she grew up with was no longer alive. Who was always so protective of her, who always eyed her boyfriends with a critical glance. Her brother, who always messed with her, who brought her joy during High School, picked her up when she fell. The one person who always had her back. Her best friend, her role model, her superhero when she was little.

Liliana did not know how she should keep going. She couldn't imagine her life without her brother's texts, sending her the weirdest GIFs to cheer her up, without hearing his voice or without him standing at the door greeting her when she came home to her parent's house. "It's nothing." She blurted out between two sobs. Liliana thought she needed to be strong. She didn't want Ethan seeing her like this. Weak. Possibly at her worst.

 "Rookie, why are you lying to me?" Ethan gently cupped her face, wiping tears away from her face, just for new tears to fall again. "I can see that it's not nothing. You're upset by whatever happened. I want to help you. Let me help, okay?"  The mixture of concern and worry in Ethans eyes made Liliana weaker than She already was. When she was looking at his blue orbits, her facade broke. She spilled everything.

" My brother has been in a car accident." While Liliana began to explain, she was cut off by her sobs, her body forcing her to take breaks in between talking. "He's been driving a friend home from the airport. Another driver didn't watch out..." Her head fell into her hands, sobbing harder, while Ethan caressed her back. "The other driver... He hit their car on the side my brother was sitting. That guy. He..." Liliana couldn't bring herself to say it out loud, but Ethan knew anyways.

Gently, he took her head in his hands, kissed her on the forehead, and laid it on his chest. While he was rubbing his girlfriend's back, he noticed how her breathing became faster. Liliana felt how her fingertips began tingling, how her hands got increasingly cold, and how dizzy she suddenly got.  "Lili, you have to breathe with me." Ethan took a deep breath in, moving her head up and down, trying to encourage her to do the same. After a bit of repeating those actions and calmly talking to her, only her hiccups echoed through the empty Serenity Gardens.

" He came back from Africa." her tiny voice said. Ethan waited for her to continue, her head still placed at his chest. "Since he spent a semester in a village for orphans while studying, he went every year to see what progress they made. My brother had such big dreams for that place. When we talked last, he said they were building an actual school building with the donations he got here. And that they were going to finish it when he is going to visit next." A new wave of sobs shook Liliana's body when she thought about the fact he would never get to see all of this. He would never get to see his dream for the village coming true.

" Do you want me to take you home?" Ethan asked, after a while."Yours or mine?" For the first time since Ethan learned what happened, she looked directly at him. Her usually bright and happy green eyes filled with sadness and grief, red and puffy from all the crying. The sight broke his heart. "As you would like," he answered. Liliana seemed to think for a few moments before she asked him: "Can I stay with you tonight, please?" "Sure. Let's go."

Ethan kissed her head. Then picked her up and carried her to the Office of the Diagnostics Team, where Ethan sat her down on the sofa. Luckily, no one was on here at the moment. No one would ask questions. "Do you want to get your stuff from your locker?" he asked her after he changed out of his white coat into a light jacket. Liliana shook her head. She needed her purse, but she did not want to enter the locker room. All her friends would be there, happily chatting after their shifts. She didn't want to face them just yet. "Okay, I'll get your stuff. Stay here. I'll be back before you know it."

Even though she didn't want him to leave, she let him walk out of the office. Sitting on the sofa, she thought about her brother again. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought of childhood memories. She remembered the time they all went to the beach together. Both of them had a contest on who could build the highest sandcastle. Of course, he'd win. Little Liliana didn't understand the concept of sandcastles yet. After the competition, he'd assemble an enormous sandcastle with her. Or the times when they would play basketball in their driveway. He always lifted her to reach the basket and throw in the ball.

Dwelling in memories, she almost didn't notice Ethan entering the office again, with her jacket and purse in hand. "Are you ready to go?" he asked, as Liliana just nodded and walked next to him. Together they got to Ethans Sedan. He was constantly keeping an eye on his girl during the entire ride. When they arrived at Ethan's apartment, he led Liliana to his bed, where she plopped down and held herself, like she would be cold. Ethan sat down next to her, putting his arms around her, constantly mumbling sweet nothings into her ears. He would make sure she got the comfort she desired. He would be there through it all.