#also like idk. i listen to a lot of not so well known gay/bi women artists and like. i think virtue signaling abt ur music is just weird 😭

[lesbianlenas]

i have to say i find the way ppl talk abt gaylors to be strange…..i’m not one myself but as a lesbian i don’t like the way ppl act like gaylors are evil somehow for calling tswift a lesbian like in reality who cares…….truly i think it’s bc they r the only mainstream group of women speculating on the sexuality of a celebrity woman to that degree of fame. bc tswift fans who r obsessed w her heterosexual dating life r not in any way subject to scrutiny by ppl in general no one cares. and as much as there has been general debates on the ethics of speculating the sexualities of celebrity men and making fun of ppl that do there is a vastly different tone abt it. like ppl make fun of them and say they shouldn’t do it and whatnot (although i would like to point out that similarly this is mostly done by woman & all of this very much takes on a look at these silly women tone) but like there is a tone of superiority around ppl who dunk on gaylors and very much a tone of like look at these delusional women who have convinced themselves that someone sooooo obvs heterosexual is a lesbian aren’t they crazy. there is smth in particular abt talking abt a woman possibly being a lesbian that really rubs ppl the wrong way perhaps bc it is the antithesis of a woman’s role & it makes ppl uncomfortable to think a celebrity woman who has been marketed to them as being an ideal woman could potentially defy her expected role……i personally don’t think she is a lesbian but like other ppl calling lesbians delusional for thinking she is bothers me……so i am coming out to you all as a gaylor ally i stand w gaylors

[bisluthq]

Ok i really don’t get gaylors recent obsession with emily dickinson??? but really, gaylors fail to see taylor for who she is. she is exactly the girl they despise her to be. and that doesn’t make her a lesser person???

I mean again in these situations I like to share my own Gaylor journey and for new readers who I have a lot of recently (welcome it’s a hellhole idk what to tell u) here’s the vibe.

I’ve known about Taylor Swift since 2007 when one of my best friends in high school discovered debut and the MySpace. We were both weird theatre kids but she’s extremely straight and I am very gay. We both sang - her well and me okay but we always did talent shows together - and both liked musicals and country music for the storytelling. I was obsessed with Carrie Underwood. So when she found Taylor Swift she immediately shared this with me because it changed her life and it like… didn’t resonate with me. And I found her annoying. And I found her branding annoying tho I didn’t know the word branding yet but like I knew the liner notes and stuff annoyed me.

I didn’t hate her because like I liked her lyrics well enough and she sang much better than me but worse than Carrie and like I supported my friend right but like I didn’t like it and part of my issue was it portrayed a kind of girl I just couldn’t relate to. Carrie’s stuff was aspirational, Tay’s stuff just felt unrelatable to me at that time.

But I like followed her, finding her mildly annoying, then finding her hot all of a sudden almost like problematic movies and books that have the girl walk in and suddenly the boy yk sees her? And she was also always super hot right even with the glasses? Ya that was me with Taylor in Blank Space MV after which I followed her on Buzzfeed and HuffPo and other outlets I liked circa 2014/15-whenever. And I had a lot of opinions and was like defending her about the Snakegate stuff because I was like “but why” and anyway.

Then Rep dropped - and I listened to Dress, and it sounded gay to me. And I hadn’t known about any Kay shit right I just heard a song so DEEPLY sapphic to me as a gay woman that I was like “what’s this about” and the internet told me it was Karlie Kloss and then I made up my own headcanon about how that worked because I’m doomed to live in reality and did follow Taylor so knew they weren’t friends since 2016 tbh and so my headcanon was like “half of Rep is about this mean bitch and half of it is about a sweet sweet person who is lovely” (who I knew to be Joe but entertained as a random muse when I started this blog because I was like WHO KNOWS FOR SURE but again tragically doomed to live in reality so it stopped being fun WHEN I KNEW FOR SURE). Then Lover dropped and like the MARKETING was so problematic or soooo bi that I was like “I’m just gonna believe she’s like a bit bi.”

Then, running this blog, I learned there is literally no truth to Kaylor and Karlie is like tragically heterosexual. The Lover era stuff is still gay but also she’s like dumb sometimes so idk.

And like I’ve gone back to a more avid stance of where I was in 2014-2016 when I was like “I love her lyrics, she’s so hot, and she’s entertaining but she’s quite problematic - same as everyone that famous tbh - and that’s okay I can still like her” and there is happiness dudes.

But also I’ve like… not ever actually thought she represents me like I thought she’s bi enough to write songs about it and I still think she might be bi enough to like drunk kiss girls idk but that’s like not like my lived experience as a gay person who has experienced an actual but very mild hate crime and stuff. Like it’s not really the same. And I don’t expect her to be that ever? So the problem is these girls who HATE straight women like justifiably taking this woman who is… not a gay icon… and like heralding her as fucking Sappho upsets me because SHIT ON HER. She is literally EVERYTHING you hate. She’s rich, white, obsessed with dick, and like wears her boyfriend’s initials on a chain round her neck. I find all of that cute lol and like fun but if you hate that vibe HATE HER don’t make up an AU.

Like that’s just unhealthy and sad and I hope they find wlw singers and also enjoy some mlm singers too because Lil Nas and Sam Smith are two of my FAVORITE artists and lyricists tbh and speak a lot to me as a gay person.

[somebody-already-took-this-url]

I have something to share with you, and I would really appreciate it if you'd listen. I recently (like, very very recently) forced myself out of over a decade of self denial about my sexuality. And I know y'all don't care, but it's really important to me that I get this all out there, and if you read this whole thing you'll understand why.

Okay, so for the past ten years I've been telling myself and everyone else that I'm bisexual. But the truth is I'm not, I'm actually 100% lesbian. But. I don't know, I guess I was so ashamed of my truth that I needed to pretend to be something I'm not. So for the past decade, while calling myself bisexual, I dated and fucked around with several people, all dudes (hello, that bitch heteronormative-societal-pressure is calling) and well, not a single instance of those relationships was ever satisfying, sexually or emotionally. I remember when I was, what 10? 11? And watched Once Upon a Time for the first time. Seeing Lana Parrilla as Regina Mills - that was the moment I recognized that I was interested in girls. And I'd like to blame some external source for why I decided that must mean I'm bisexual and not gay... but in reality I think it had more to do with my own fear, my own insecurities.

After being thrust into the knowledge that I liked women, I spent a few months trying out labels (bi, pan, etc) but never really let myself consider lesbian as an option. Because up until that point, it had always been a given that I liked guys, you know? Like, straight is the default setting for sexuality (which, don't even get me started) and even though my family is and always has been very accepting and liberal minded, straight was still what they believed me to be as I had never indicated differently.

But now I was armed with my queer self knowledge, right? And the summer before high school I actually did come out to my best female friend at the time as a lesbian, and she was all "that's cool whatever" and part of me felt like I needed, I don't know, more acknowledgment? It was really difficult for me to come out to her, really difficult to even let myself say that I was a lesbian, and she basically didn't give a fuck. Which, don't get me wrong - I don't blame her for at all. We were 13 yrs old ffs! But it made me feel like maybe I was wrong, and I wasn't actually gay. Put on top of that all the adults in my life telling me that I couldn't possibly know who I was, that I was still growing up and therefore everything about me would change...and yeah, I began to doubt myself. Began to doubt if I knew myself at all, I was like "I'm 13, I used to hate bananas and now I like them...how can I know for sure I'm even gay?"

Anyways, so I'd just come out to my bff but then high school started - and I'm not sure if y'all know this but high school in 2012 was extremely heteronormative. My school wasn't anti gay or anything, but there's a lot of unconscious pressure from your peers to be in relationships, and when you're one of what, three gay people? you kinda can't be in a relationship ya know? So me, who was already questioning my self knowledge, decided that I must be bisexual instead of gay. And I dated like 3 people just in my first year lmao (all dudes of course).

Well, at the end of grade nine some really bad shit happened to me. Someone older than me who I trusted and considered a friend decided it would be cool to drug me and then try to get me to have sex with them in the "secret hallway" at our school. ANYWAYS not the point!!! The point is that after that, I labelled myself asexual and basically swore off sex forever.

The thing was, I kept on developing crushes on the girls in my classes. And every time that happened, I would force myself to ignore it and then I would go and flirt with some guy instead, because I might have been interested in both but who wants to be that one weird girl who flirts with girls that don't want to be flirted with? I certainly didn't. But guys we're always so easy, idk, they were all pretty desperate back then. Lmao that sounds harsh but I stg it's true. 15/16 yr old boys are like a whole nother level of thirsty.

I continued to develop crushes on girls, and have meaningless relationships with guys. I even briefly had a flirtationship with a girl in grade 10 (I went to a different high school for like a semester) which lasted a whole week lol. And then in 11th grade I had a relationship with my best friend at the time, who was a guy I'd been really good friends with since 5th grade. And it was both super easy and super hard, if that makes sense? I knew him well and we were really comfortable with each other - but I was also a lesbian pretending to be bisexual, so every time we did anything remotely sexual it was like totally ew.

We tried to have sex, but my vagina was like "ahaha bitch you thought" so that never happened. I actually tried to have sex two other times with two other guys after that, and each time my vagina was not having it. It was an instance of my body knowing me better than my mind, but I didn't want to listen.

Then this past fall, I decided to go out with this guy I worked with. It had been uh, wow, 2 years since my last relationship, and tbh even though I wasn't interested in dating him at all I felt like it might as well happen. Basically that John Mulaney joke about how adult life is already so goddamn weird. Also, after being single for that long my fam was getting pretty annoying with all the "when are you going to get a bf" shit so yeah, basically I caved to the pressure and went out with this guy Richard.

We went on maybe four dates, and it was so incredibly underwhelming that after not seeing or hearing from him for a month after the job ended, he called me and I was like "Richard who?"

Guys. I had legit forgotten about him. Completely, like he'd been erased from my mind, that was how insignificant he was. But it made me start to wonder; how can this guy, who I'd tried to have sex with, be so meaningless to me? Why am I so indifferent?

I sat down with myself, and took the time to have a long look at the parts of me I'd always kept hidden away. I came to the realization that I wasn't bisexual, that I'd never been bisexual, and that I am actually gay as fuck. Part of this realization was me letting myself rediscover my super gay love for Lily Tomlin. She is one of my fav actresses and her movie All Of Me was my favourite film for half my life. But because I was so busy forcing myself to be Not Gay™, I'd made myself ignore her, and a lot of other female actresses and celebrities who I adore in exchange for male celebrities.

But even after I made the realization that I'm gay and not bi, a part of my brain was like "but what if you're not tho". There was still a big part of me that was trying to force me back into denial, force me into hiding from myself. A part of me thought "if I'm gay, wouldn't someone have noticed? Wouldn't my family have known?" In hindsight it was actually super obvious, but I guess I did a good job of hiding it from myself and everyone around me.

It took me three weeks to actually say the words "I'm a lesbian" out loud to somebody other than myself, and when I did it was the scariest fucking thing I've ever done. My sister was really amazing about it though, and I'm so grateful to her for that. And after telling her, after forcing myself to say it to another human being, the part of my brain that was trying to get me to lie to myself got a little smaller.

When I told my mom a few days later, it was slightly easier to say out loud, and when I changed my bios on my social media (which I'd been avoiding like the plague) my need for self denial shrunk again. But it's still there, in a corner of my mind. The little voice of self doubt, trying to convince me that I'm wrong, that I can't be gay, that I should keep hiding.

That's why I needed to tell y'all this. Because the more people I tell, the more times I say it out loud, the more I make it known - the smaller that voice gets. The less power it holds over me. The more real the truth, my truth, becomes.

My name is Mara, I am 20 years old and I am a lesbian. Now you know my truth.

[nacsygen]

i mean, if there's anywhere to suffer about gender, why not tumblr, amirite?

i've known for like at least five years now i'm...not cis.  i've never been able to properly explain it, to myself or to others, but the fact that it sticks around so long tells me that, like and as unlike as my brain has tried to tell me many times before about being bi ("not gay enough") and mentally ill ("not mentally ill enough") like yeah, this is clearly a part of my identity, not just a phase or me, idk, trying to be cool or fit in among all the cool non-cis people i know, i guess???

i think what confuses me is that i don't really have much dysphoria about my physical form, really.  not in my own sense of it.  not without the input of other people.  i'm a very small person and this has informed a lot of my life, yes.  i am well below average height and have never been possessed of strength or grip to speak of (i'm the sheepish one who has to ask the girl working at the pizza place, after five minutes of trying at a booth, to open my bottle of water because my hands are just too small to have a proper adult grip).  but my body is my own, and i've long since learned to live with it, and be comfortable in it.  i got no complaints.

but then, people comment without any sort of prompting on aspects of my physicality, strangers, in public, all the time - whether it's the older lady at the bus stop asking how old i am and what i do to diet because i'm Just So Small! (ma'am, this is just how i am - no, i don't diet - if i stood up you could see my gut - being southern and polite is alas also a large part of my identity -), or the threateningly verbally abusive loud misogynist at the bus stop yelling at my turned back about my "skinny ass white girl legs! get some sun, bitch!", or just today, an older cracker (here in florida that is a descriptor of a culture, not a "slur") who i've ridden the same bus with many times with he and his lady friend, coming up to me while i'm standing waiting (again) for the bus and said "hello ma'am, i was just wondering, are you from The North? where are you from?" and i looked up from my book, bc again southern politeness, and said "nah, i'm from here" and pointed at the ground.  "you're really not From The North?  i'm sorry, i don't mean to be impolite, it's just because of your legs.  they're so skinny and pale, we thought you was From The North." "No sir, I'm from right here in Florida. I just don't tan easy." "well, that was a bet I had going with that girl over there that I just lost." "yeah, sorry, sir, I'm southern born and raised." we ended up on the same bus when it got there, and as i was getting ready to disembark he said "you have a good night there, sweetie! enjoy your book!" "oh, i will." realizing the awkwardness as the bus slowly got to a stop, "sorry, i'm nice, it's all i know how to be." "alright, well, you have a good one!" (i'm pretty sure that last that i didn't even think about said more about how Southern i am than anything else i could have said.)

i know that last was a tangent, but that's the thing - i don't even think about my body as Representing Femininity until other people treat me in a different way because of it.  it happens over and over, all the time, and it's the primary cause of what i've come to recognize as dysphoria.  if i was a boy, if my hair was tucked up in my hat and my chest flattened, would these and many others over the years feel free to comment so freely about my body to me?  i really don't think so.  and that shit sucks.

to me, my body is not a Female Body, despite its resemblance to the Traditional Female Body in its curves and shapes - it is not a Female Body, it is My Body.  my breasts are not female breasts, they are my thiddies and i'm really fond of how they look and like to show them off. like, artistically, they are a gift to the world. my long wavy curls are not Female Hair, they're Rockstar Hair, Fuck You, like i grew up with the old-school and grunge male rockstars i always saw as style icons (and the female rock stars too - huge long hair is a great look for everyone!).  idk if it's because i'm really Just That Pansexual that i can look at my societally-hyper-feminized form - extremely petit,  pale, significant boobs but no ass, skinny arms and legs - and say, you know, that could be a cute guy, right there.  

i've more recently in the past few years experimented now and then more towards as gender-neutral a presentation as i can, even though that just means people see me at a distance and think i'm a pre-teen boy. and yet, people treat pre-teen boys much better than they do almost-30 petit women, is the depressing lesson i've learned from that.  

I hate how much of my questioning of my gender identity is tied into negative experiences with other people and their relationships as strangers to my perceived femaleness.  like, i live in a pretty nice neighborhood now, but i hate going to the local gas station bc the block around it is just...holla bingo time.  last time i walked there by myself i wore knee-length loose shorts and an oversized men's plain t-shirt to go with my walking nikes and baseball cap, and i STILL got hollered at.  "hey, sweetheart! you need help carrying that? hey! hey, young lady!" i did not turn - i hate acknowledging men who holler.  "hey, baby, let me give you a ride to wherever you're goin! no one's gonna bother you!" i wanted to yell back "YOU. YOU'RE BOTHERING ME." but then, he was being significantly more polite than many of the people who've hollered at me over the years, so no point in engaging and hurting anybody's feelings or enduring the "i was just trying to be nice" conversation.

and that's the thing, like. i never feel bad about being percieved as female unless people are doing it in a hurtful way. matter of fact, i have no particular relationship to being female except in hurtful ways from other peoples' perceptions.  my body is genderless, as i am genderless, and it is my body. it does what it's supposed to do and has treated me well for how i've treated it over the years. i'm not mad at my body about it. i'm mad at the people who think my form gives them a right to treat me in unacceptable ways for what should be a polite society.  i get dysphoria from the man yelling from a work truck passing by when i'm just trying to get home from my work, "HEEEEY, LIL MAMA~!" I get dysphoria from being wished "happy mother's day!", or did back in 2014, when on break at work, and a significantly older lesbian gestured at me and said to the man in question, " does she LOOK like a mother to you??"

like listen, i like wearing cute little sundresses, or skin-tight tank tops and short-shorts.  you know why? because i live in florida and it's FUCKING HOT.  they are comfortable.  they are easy.  they are simple choices, that i am allowed to make because i am afab and present femme, and i like the way they look on me and like that i'm allowed this comfort in the heat.

i hate that wearing that for my own comfort gives people a seeming license to comment freely on my body.  i hate that presenting as a woman, a "woman", means people treat me this way.  i hate the bus driver that always says "hello there, little lady" when i board his bus, and i hate that he means well by it. i hate that even when i dress in my loose, masculine, don't-get-hollered-at clothes, i still get hollered at. and i find myself wondering, if i had short hair and no boobs, if i was just a 4'11" young teenage boy, would i get hollered at like this? and no. of course not.

but i don't want my gender identity to be the opposition of a negative in favor of a positive. this has gone into a series about street harrassment when in reality there are many reasons i identify more as male or non-female than because of this. i really don't feel much reason to identify as female other than solidarity with female victims of gendered and sexualized violence. which, alright, that's probably not the most positive way to feel. or reproductive health stuff.  alright, that's just the body i was born with, and i don't feel much connection to it otherwise.  i don't want to medically transition, i don't want to change my body, but like...

i don't really know what dysphoria actually is. is it the feeling of displacement in one's own home of self? is it feeling like everything about how everyone else views you is somehow shifted two wrong lenses over at the optometrist's office? is it just feeling like something...something's really wrong here? if so, i think i’m definitely experiencing dysphoria,.

hey, i'm maria/aril, and i'm trans.  i don't know how, exactly, but i am. and here we are.

[mavrustheunskooled]

y’ever just think about how dumb the world is that having an interest in something so harmless is considered so #CRINGE

like if someone likes Hamilton and they’re not harming anyone..... who cares

oh no ! a teenage girl likes dear Evan Hansen ! how dare she !

or like .. someone’s listening to bmc .. embarrassing ..

like. I get that none of the #popular musicals are perfect and they, and their fandoms, have #problematic aspects but like... nothing is perfect and as long as no one’s being hurt.... who cares......

also the whole gatekeeping “you only like popular musicals so you’re not a real musical fan” is just ? embarrassing ? oh no a lot of people like something popular.. something that is probably popular for a reason and also could lead them to liking other similar, but less well known, things that also deserve attention... how terrible...

idk it’s just Annoying that I feel like I have to censor my interests so no one thinks I’m cringe

like I never really fell into the Hamilton or DEH craze but I’ve listened to part of Hamilton/all of DEH and there are great songs on those soundtracks!! I can totally see why people love them!! and even if they’re not my cup of tea, I can still recognize that a lot of love and work went into writing them and they’re both still super enjoyable

and bmc is kind of silly and the plot is confusing but it’s got super loveable characters and the NYC cast is diverse and there’s a canon bi character who says that he’s bi (which leads to the SQUIP being a metaphor for internalized homophobia which is such an interesting concept) and a gay guy with two moms and a really relatable portrayal of social anxiety and oh no ! how dare young gay kids with social anxiety relate to that ?

and obviously there are problems with things. like the fetishization of mlm ! and the erasure of wlw ! and the way fandoms flock to white characters and male characters and ignore the POC and women ! and if that’s your problem with fandom, then I agree and that’s definitely something to be criticized ! but you can criticize these things without going “and thus everyone who likes musicals is problematic and disgusting and we should shame people who like musicals” because ? what ?

idk it just really bothers me how liking something popular is seen as inherently cringe instead of actually dissecting the thing itself and criticizing the bad aspects instead of the thing as a whole

[foundcarcosa]

cccxxvi.

Do you listen to Wiz Khalifa?: >> I’ve never heard a Wiz Khalifa song in my life. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization?: >> Do it. How about abortion?: >> Keep it legal. Do you wear skirts or dresses more often?: >> I wear neither particularly often, because I get so used to wearing pants that I get stuck in a fashion rut and feel ungainly and out of my body when I step out of the rut. The last time I felt really okay in a dress was in New Orleans. Do you date outside your own race?: >> I date outside of reality, so in comparison race is small potatoes.

What are some of your turn-offs?: >> Dramatically poor hygiene, a lack of imagination, a lack of enthusiasm. Are you gay, straight, bi, or trans?: >> No. Have you ever jumped off a cliff?: >> No. Are you vegetarian? If not, would you ever consider becoming one?: >> No. I was raised vegan, so I have the experience. I eat very little meat, but I don’t cut it out of my diet entirely. I’m just selective about where I get it from (and I have red meat like twice a year at best). Are you in love?: >> Always. In your opinion, who wants sex more, women or men?: >> LOL Do you play any sports?: >> L O L What’s your favorite planet?: >> Well, Mercury, of course. But visually, I’m going to go with Jupiter. Are you more of a pessimist or an optimist?: >> Yes. How much money is in your wallet?: >> None, I rarely carry cash. Do you know anyone in the marines?: >> No. What’s your favorite sex position?: >> Missionary by far, but I like some other things like... whatever it’s called when you sit astraddle the other person. Regardless, being that frottage is my favourite way of getting off, I’ll take any position that accommodates that. What do you ultimately wish for in life?: >> I don’t have a specific thing, idk. Got any family traditions?: >> Being terrible to children. *wheezing laughter with deadpan expression*  Have you ever been pregnant?: >> Briefly. What do you think about tipping at restaurants?: >> I prefer to do it. What’s something about you that people admire?: >> Well, let’s ask the audience... Are you single?: >> I have never been single a day in my life. #pluralityjokes When will you next see your best friend?: >> I “see” Can Calah all the time. I can see him right now.  Do you work out?: >> No. I try but I can never keep up with it. Like, I’ve never been so bored or hateful of anything in my life as I am of orchestrated exercise. Do you know anyone who’s been murdered?: >> No. Euthanasia - agree, disagree?: >> Legalise it. Do you laugh when you see kids on leashes?: >> I do laugh. They look kinda goofy like that. What’s your favorite TV show?: >> As if I only have one. Are you addicted to anything?: >> I don’t think so. Do you have your driver’s license?: >> No. Have you ever passed out from drinking?: >> No, just fell asleep real hard. What’s your favorite scent?: >> Hm. What kind of makeup do you wear?: >> The invisible kind. Can you whistle?: >> Nope. I think I’ve got the mechanics sort of down, finally, but I can’t get the sound going. Dogs or cats?: >> Dogs. How many close guy friends do you have?: >> Hunh. What are your views on organized religion? What are you?: >> I try not to have any views on organised religion. I mostly just have feelings (a lot of them not good, but also some good ones, because I am still fascinated by religion no matter how bad it’s been to me). I don’t subscribe to any of them, though. Describe your hairstyle.: >> There is no style. Do you have any piercings/tattoos? What?: >> I have my septum and earlobes pierced; a tattoo of 19 in Roman numerals, a Mannaz rune on my hand, and “scully, it’s me” on my inner arm. Sexually, would you say you’re more dominant or submissive?: >> I’m versatile but largely submissive. I like to be transported and I can’t be transported if I’m dominating the situation. What’s your favorite carnival food?: >> I don’t know. Who did you last kiss?: >> Can Calah. What do you think about Obama?: >> He was fun and charismatic and I liked watching him do things. Have you seen the final Harry Potter movie?: >> Yep. Have you or anyone close to you ever been arrested? For what?: >> I’ve known people who were arrested, yeah. Do you believe in karma?: >> No. I mean, maybe. But not really. If it exists, that’s cool. What was the last book you read?: >> I don’t remember the last book I finished, but the last book I read from was Dune. Opinions on Casey Anthony?: >> This survey just dated itself. Ever been called a slut?: >> Sure. Are you more of an extrovert or an introvert?: >> No. Do you have low self-esteem?: >> No. What state do you live in?: >> A state of dubious existence. Name a song that puts you in a good mood: >> The Greatest Show, from the Greatest Showman soundtrack. Do you know anyone with a physical deformity?: >> Probably. Have you ever been searched by the police?: >> Yes. Would you ever have sex with someone not of your preferred sex?: >> Yeah. What’s your bra size?: >> Man, I don’t remember. I wear sports bras exclusively. Have you ever dated someone more than 5 years older than you?: >> Yep. Do you want children in the future?: >> The possibility of this is so far into the future that there’s no real point in me thinking about whether I want them or not. By the time it’s a possibility, I’ll be a completely different person anyway. What’s your favorite fast food chain?: >> I don’t really have one. I just eat wherever. They all seem to have the same shit anyway. Who was your last text message from and what did it say?: >> Sparrow, but I don’t remember what it said and I don’t feel like checking. Do you keep a journal/diary?: >> I have a dreamwidth but I keep forgetting I have a dreamwidth. Where do you work?: >> I don’t. Would you ever get back together with any of your exes?:

When will you go to the beach next?: >> I don’t know. The only “beach” around here is a lake one and... well, I hope it’s more than I expect because that doesn’t sound all that epic. Have you ever seen a dead dolphin on the beach? I have. :(: >> No. Do you take any meds on a daily basis?: >> No. What’s your favorite flower?: >> Sunflower. What did you do today?: >> Well, I rolled around with Can Calah for a little while, and then I posted to Instagram, and then I poked around on the internet for a while, and then I took a shower, and then I watched The Greatest Showman, and then I went to return that to Redbox and came back, and then I thought I was gonna have a simple download of the new ESO expansion and then start playing it but the whole shit is just borked, a fucking disaster, I’m trying to download it again and hoping that it doesn’t shit the bed again but that all made me very upset, and now I’m here. What will you do tomorrow?: >> I don’t know. HOPEFULLY PLAY ESO SUMMERSET. GOD.  

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

Anyway just wanna say I do think Freddie was brave for saying he was gay then! I just think he said it because it was definitely more understood than bisexuality back then - he was so brave!! I love Queen and Freddie. Brian Mays Instagram is everything btw lol. Anyway this was just a stupid disagreement, point is- I have my opinion and you have yours .. I’m done

Also lol I misspelled something coz I was typing fast like you said before - that was pretty petty lol but whatever. I was petty too 🤷🏻‍♂️

Scrolling through your blog I actually like it but if I follow you now you’re gonna be like 👀 😭😭😂😂 anyway .. I’m sorry. But yeah no really conservatives have ruined my family because of certain things they’ve changed and I don’t like them at all I was insulted af when you said I was conservative so I got mad hahahaha

Like I said conservatives ruined my family and this was a dumb disagreement, agree to disagree about the bi thing... I still think whatever people believe or support they can listen to whatever music they like 🤷🏻‍♂️ thanks for trying to what block my ip?? Twice?? If you didn’t then sorry but I tried to send a message like this before and it stopped me. I was being nice in it too and it disappeared lol I don’t remember what I even typed tbh but yeah 👌🏻 byeeeeeeeeee

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I have just gotten the biggest whiplash from you, anon. 

Listen, let me step back and explain some things, and I hope you take the time to read this. I do not think there is any evidence that Freddie was bi. He said he was gay, Brian said he was gay, Jim said he was gay, and Mary said he was gay. He had experiences with women--but none after he came out and began sleeping with me (Lesley Ann Jones’ book is full of lies), which says to me that, like a lot of gay men, he tried to be with women, but just couldn’t after awhile. 

As for the rest of *gestures to All This*..........I still got whiplash lmao so I’m sitting here absorbing it all. When it comes to the stuff with conservatives, by your own admission, you don’t follow my blog so you don’t know where I’m coming from. I’m coming from a place of having conservatives burn the world around me, so I have no tolerance or sympathy for them, but also, I didn’t tag that post at all, so I didn’t expect really anyone outside of my followers to find it. I shitpost all the time, so the fact that this particular one riled someone up for a moment was a surprise. 

And look, genuinely, here? I’m actually very anti-confrontational 99.9% of the time lol, so if you DID follow and wanted to just make this all water under the bridge, I really wouldn’t mind. I wouldn’t come after you and put you on blast (I rarely ever put anyone on blast by name, actually). 

You need to understand how it looks to be coming into someone’s inbox as an anon. I know absolutely nothing about you, so when you come in with a message that could be interpreted as defending conservatives, well, it’s not a leap for me to assume you’re one of them. I don’t know your story. There is/was no way for me to have known. In addition, of course I got petty. If someone had come into your inbox calling you dumb, then maybe you would have, too, and I would have agreed with you to do so!  When a stranger comes to you with the most basic insults (you’re dumb/your makeup sucks), then a lot of people don’t think that stranger deserves a serious response! That’s just, not a discussion lol. It’s a schoolyard insult by a stranger on the internet, so a lot of folks on here don’t pay anon messages like that any serious mind. I’m just saying this because, genuinely, dude, don’t do this to someone else. It will not get people to try to see where you’re coming from and give you the benefit of the doubt.

Ok I was just about to publish this and I just got your last message. No, I never tried to block you. The only anon I’ve ever blocked was one who told me to kill myself because I support g/un control. (See, bad anon experience with conservatives!) I truly don’t know why it was stopped because I didn’t try to block your IP at all. Maybe it stopped because I’m in my inbox right now responding to you? Idk, that’s just a wild guess.

Well. I have no idea how to end this lol

[realcaptainjim]

Random blah

How do you just open up randomly to the masses or groups without coming off stupid or trite or anything other than "fuck I just wanna say something"?

It's difficult.

But, with all media and all friends and everyone in my life I am perceived as just one section. Granted, I did that shit to myself. Hahaha I mean... I've kept myself guarded for years and so few people really know me. In fact those that know me only know parts.

I guess I just want to breathe and admit all of who I am for the hope that people can just see it once.

What is the most prominent part of me? Without saying I am this BUT... I'm also that?

Well let's start either way with the most rewarding part of me and trickle down.

I'm a parent of two. Well, I am a father of two. Which I guess is shocking given a lot of my re-blogs. But, I am.

I am a father of two beautiful miniature people who honestly don't know that I have a kink side. Honestly though, how many of us parents would want our kids to know that? Not really out of embarrassment, but quite frankly out of the fact that children can't fathom and shouldn't fathom that part of us.

So, I am a Dad... A male to female transitioning dad. They decided that I will keep that title and I will always say it with gross pride! Even though I giggle when introduced as "This is my dad, HER name is Jem."

Some people gasp or grow confused, others simply smile and continue normally. For me, it's just awesome how supportive my kids are of this path that I hid for so long.

And... That leads to where I began transitioning... It was the day after Trump was elected. My kids were scared. They are of mixed ethnicity and had been facing new adversity because of that... It still rings loud in my ears when my youngest said... "It's not fair, we can't hide who we are, but you can."

At that moment it was put up or shut up time. I couldn't hide myself any longer... They had known for a while and had accepted me... It was time I accepted myself and made sure to set an example in a scary world.

So... I am a trans-parent... Who stilllll loves women! That's the other thing that confuses so many. I am on the road to being a woman... But, still prefer and adore pussy to dick. After all "if I don't want mine, why the hell would I want yours in me." That's how I explain it to guys.

Sorry, but I find the male form repulsive. But, that's just from my personal Dogma. Men can be beautiful inside and out! And there's so many cute gay, straight, and transitioning men out there! I just find the penis to be... Ewwwy!

So... I'm a trans-parent... lesbian. That's how I define it... Who loves bondage! As an art, as a part of intimacy, as a form of sharing with friends... Now to what degree do I assign each part of that? Oh dear. Haha. I'm on the fence about collaring a mate or having a mate and collaring a sub... Or having a mate and US collaring a sub or a mutual mate.

More so... I think it's ok to tie up a friend and watch Netflix and giggle together... As much as I think it's awesome to have a mate tied for sex or to just chill.

Wait... Brought up sex. So I'm transitioning... And I like girls... How... Do... I...? I've said for years that I view the thing as "a permanent meat strap on." For that view, it's made coping easier and relationships with bi or lesbian women work...

Buuuut, I'm transitioning... So it's not permanent, right? Welllll... That's an expensive surgery... And financially I have those two amazing miniatures as my top priority... So, that comes down the road. "Then you're just a transvestite" the TLGBQP community tells me. Um.... Sorry, I define me, thank you very much!!!!!

So... That gender dysphoria and being trans is why most think I am a bondage/fetish/kink person. Pfffft. No... Actually, psychologically it can be tied to severe separation anxiety.

I grew up with a bi-polar/skitz mother and a father who wanted to ignore that, so he made sure to be at work constantly and leave me with the emotional, verbal, and physically abusive woman.

Ok ok ok... So a childhood of abuse... That's why I am trans. Noooooooooope.

Actually... I was born a little boy and a little girl... Spent a chunk of my childhood in hospitals having "reconstructive" surgeries... Because "we had a boy and we have to fix this."

Talk about combo pain!

Buuuut, dad wasn't around and mom was always in a psychiatric treatment ward... So... How did you---

My Aunt pretty much raised me. Granted I spent a lot of time bouncing around family member to family member as a child... But, my aunt-- my mom's sister-- was the one at the appointments... The one scheduling surgeries in between having my mom committed or pulling her off of trying to kill dad or swooping in to make sure mom didn't beat me too hard on my birthdays.

Ok ok ok... So that's fucked up. That's why you're into bond--

When I was fifteen my aunt died of cancer. My mother was sane enough through that year to take care of her... And when she couldn't, I did.

Long story short... I didn't get to say goodbye or express my love the last chance I had to my aunt... I was exhausted and couldn't quite understand it all and through a tantrum the last time I could have said anything.

So I stood powerlessly listening to the flat line feeling the warmth leave her hand. Frozen. Pushed aside by her "loving" husband to check-- I stood there as people came and went for hours. My cousin had to pick me up like a baby so I could move.

It's like all emotion but anger left me that day.

Years later I met my ex-wife. Our first date... Stupid old movie. AI... The scene where the robots mom closed her eyes for the last time... I lost it. I cried for what seemed like forever.

We confused our understanding of pain in each other that day for love. It was love. The love friends share... But we... We didn't know better.

We had met online (both teens) in the era of AOL chatboards. I was writing out a suicide note... It was to be my last try (10th) and I was going to go see my aunt. But, that stubborn bitch began messaging me.

She had thought I was a full on woman by the time we went on our first date.

Surprise!

So the beautiful dyke lesbian and the trans dated and got married. Somewhere in between she introduced sex and fetish to me. What a release! My first collared woman. And for that experience and being married and having kids and juggling it all together... I'll be forever grateful.

But... We fell apart.

She had needs I couldn't always fulfill. So I wanted her, my wife, to feel fulfilled. We swing (if that's the term), shared women... So on. But the more life set in, the more it was noticeable that our love was... Not what we thought.

I left her. I wanted her happy. I knew she had fallen for this one guy... I knew that he was hers. I broke it off in the worst of ways.

Anger. For years. Resentment.... 10 years she's been with him. I've never found a mate to accept me... All of me. Damned if I didn't try though.

She's stayed faithful and with him for 10 years while I dated and slept around looking for... Idk what exactly other than acceptance and comfort and a "team."

So... I'm a trans-parent divorcee who loves pussy and bondage and can't find a woman patient enough to take all of that in. Haha.

BUT... I'm also a writer... A crochet junky... An emotional empath due to a weird ass experience from my youth... I'm also a pagan/Hindi/ Catholic (don't you dare tell me that I can't combine and proudly say that), I am a hospitality/F&B career person, I am an outdoors enthusiast... I'm an introvert who is a great actress at being outgoing for my career... I'm a damned loyal yet extremely perverse and sexual friend... So few accept that.

I'm a lot... And there is so much more to my story. But I already feel I am boring whoever the fuck reads this... I am a giant "oxymoron" as one of my dearest friends says about herself.

I make so many people uncomfortable and I am completely unconventional.

I've been homeless and forgotten...

I've had a big ass home...

I used to be a player and still consider myself a slut...

I've fought alcoholism, but refuse AA and still occasionally drink!

I have soooo many crushes... A handful of ones that "got away..." A woman I'd marry in a heartbeat... Several women I want to have sex with just to know what it's like but only see them as friends and think the experience would just strengthen our friendship... 2 women that I just want to cuddle with because they are soooo cuddly, but that's all I'd like to experience... And I have a group of women who everyday have set an example of what it means TO BE a woman! And so far... 1 woman who has shown me that there's a way to juggle all aspects as long as you do it looking good :-)

I'm a lot. People view so many sides...

I just had to get it off my chest as yet another person in my life has had cancer appear and used it as a means to admonish all parts of me.