#also remember that you can do anything forever. who cares if a character is similar to a preexisting one or one youve already made

[kociamieta]

do you have any character design tips. i’ve always loved character designs but lately i’ve felt like they’ve been lacking interest and life. what are your processes for designing a a character? they always look so lovely and get me intrigued into their story by design alone! love your work so much <33

ahh i wish i had some sort of clear, empirical answer for this!!! i think a big part of it is building up your visual library and finding the things you enjoy drawing (or just seeing in characters).

the closest thing to a process i could think of for myself would be finding something to base the character on - a phrase describing them, or some traits i'd like them to have, or an object/symbol/anything to incorporate in the design.

it's basically a game of association to me. i want someone who's x or y, what could that look like? what would happen if i combined these two together, and so on.

i find that i have the most fun (and enjoy the results the most) when i just let myself be self indulgent, haha. pick a couple of things i enjoy and play with them without overthinking. the angels and star people etc are pretty much just that:

having characters in the same setting allows for some pretty interesting things, too. you have a set of rules to mess around with, other characters to contrast (or not) with another [i think this is why creating fan characters is fun - the rules of a world are already set, now you get to experiment!!].

so, for the example above - all the star people are overdressed, but i wanted to try out something more laid back than a gown or ornate armor. this person still has the same elements the previous two do, just in a different configuration

of course, it's good to draw things outside of your comfort zone, but sometimes focusing on what's fun to you can be a nice source of inspiration. the familiarity makes the whole process easier, and who knows, you might get something new out of it

[cozage]

Hi Coza! Congrats on the milestone! You so deserve it! Can I please have a Law x female Strawhat reader who reunited after they spent the two years together, how do they explain to the rest of the Strawhats that they ended up starting to date during that time (they are still dating now) and how do the strawhats react to the news? Thank you and congrats again!

A/N: I could’ve spent another 12 pages writing about this UGH great prompt friend. (also going to tag @nico-the-witch since they sent me a very similar request FOREVER ago <3)

Characters: female reader x Law Total word count: 1.1k

The Hats or the Hearts

You were dodgy when your crewmates asked you about your two year gap. You were certain that Luffy would feel betrayed by your decision to travel with other pirates, even if it hadn’t been your intention at first. 

You and Law had fallen in love. There was no other way to put it. Your two years had been spent training, but also learning about yourself, and in the softest hours of the night, learning about him. You hadn’t planned to fall in love, especially with another captain. But that was the way your heart chose.

And yet, at the end of the two years, you returned to Sabaody. You couldn’t abandon your family, and Law had respected that. He had business to attend to, anyway. A personal mission he needed to take care of. So you left the crew behind, just the two of you had headed off to Sabaody, and then he left you there to wait for Luffy. 

You should’ve ended things. Both of you knew how impossible it would be for two members of opposing crews to be together. But neither of you could bring yourself to end such a good thing, so you promised to call when you could, and that was that. 

And yet, you still weren’t sure how to break it to Luffy and the others. How do you admit that you spent your two years falling in love while everyone else was isolated on an island, solely focused on their training?

“Luffy, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” you finally said, once the two of you were alone. “It’s about our two year gap. I was-”

“Look!” Luffy shouted, pointing out to sea. “A volcano is erupting! Let’s go there!”

“Listen, Luffy-” you tried again. 

“Wait a minute, Luffy!” Nami shouted over you. 

“Let’s go!” Luffy shouted. He didn’t seem interested in having a heart to heart, though you couldn’t blame him with a fiery sea laid out right in front of him. 

A little while later, you were on the island of Punk Hazard, traveling with Zoro, Luffy, Robin, and Usopp. Your confession and explanation would have to come later. 

Only a few hours, as fate would have it. 

“Oh! It’s you!” Luffy called from atop the beast you rode. “Do you remember me?!”

“He’s the guy we met at the Human Shop in Sabaody,” Zoro murmured. 

You scrambled up to get a better look. A spotted hat and a black cape. But that was impossible, why was he here? He had personal business to take care of. Punk Hazard wasn’t anything important to him. 

“Luffy,” your voice filled with urgency. “There’s something you should know.”

“He’s Trafalgar Law,” Robin reported. “He’s now…”

“Torao!” Luffy shouted. “He helped me get away from the battlefield and treated my wounds.”

“Luffy,” you said again, your eyes still locked on Law. “I need to-”

But he took off running toward Law without listening to your words, and the two captains spoke for several minutes. Your heart sank watching them, watching Law’s eyes flick occasionally to you. This was the last way you wanted your captain to find out about all of this. 

But when Luffy returned, he didn’t say anything about his conversation with Law. You kept waiting for him to bring it up, but you all were being chased by the Navy. Perhaps he knew it was a conversation for later. There were more important tasks to be done. 

Your group raced around the lab and found the rest of your crew, along with some very large children. Ones who appeared to be giants. 

You didn’t rest until everyone was safe in a snowcave, and that’s when you began to notice your crewmates personalities were a little…off. 

“Law switched your minds, didn’t he?” You held back a laugh. Of course he did. He knew the Strawhats wouldn’t be able to leave without being put back into the correct bodies. And you would finally be able to see him again.

“How’d you know?” Nami asked.

“Of course he did!” the random head shouted. “That warlord is the one who cut me up, too!”

“Warlord?!” Luffy shouted, emerging from the snowball he was in. “When did Torao become a warlord?!”

“Within the past two years,” Robin said.

“About ten months ago, if I remember correctly.” Everyone gave you strange looks, and you let out a deep sigh. “Luffy, I really need to talk to you.”

Luffy’s brow furled. He didn’t like the sound of your voice. “What is it?”

You looked around the circle. Better to just tell everyone now and get it over with. “During our two year training time, I sailed with Law and the Heart Pirates.”

There was a long pause. Everyone was looking at their captain, waiting for his response. 

“Torao? Are you sure? He didn’t mention it when I talked to him earlier.”

Law not mentioning or asking about you was odd, but you had to assume he was only doing it out of respect. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, Luffy. I was just scared of what you would say. I was afraid you would kick me out of your crew.”

“Why would I kick you out?” Luffy scratched his head in confusion. “Do you want to leave?”

“No!” you cried out. “No, I want to stay with you and everyone. I just…wasn’t sure how you’d take it.”

“Can’t say I blame you for sailing with him,” Nami said. “He’s an interesting character.”

“And quite skilled,” Robin offered up.

But Zoro eyed you warily, trying to figure out your true allegiance. You couldn’t blame him. 

“Luffy, I swear I want to see you become King of the Pirates,” you said, your words genuine. “I think you deserve it more than anyone.”

“Yeah!” Luffy shouted. “But I really don’t know why you were scared to tell me about sailing with Torao. We all did cool things during our time away. Brook toured, Robin joined the Revolutionary Army, and you sailed the sea. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Except that she served under another captain,” Zoro said, still locked onto you. “Another captain who is coincidentally a warlord who helps the government. And he’s coincidentally on this island with us now.”

“I had no idea he was going to be here, I swear!”

“See Zoro?” Luffy shrugged, clearly not caring about the idea Zoro was alluding to. “She says she didn’t know. She’s still a part of our crew. That’s what matters.”

And you were loyal to the Strawhats. But you were also loyal to the Heart Pirates. You just prayed you’d never have to make a decision between one or the other.

[rayroseu]

"you are just as guilty" ⚔️🥀

last cough of art before the update ahkdhkshsksh AAAAAAAAAAA i dont wanna leave Briar Valley yet 😩😩😩😩 Lilia don't gatekeep all the lore,,, dang it,,,💔💔💔💔

sometimes i really do wonder what Meleanor or Dawn's last thoughts before dying..... ESPECIALLY Dawn... Bro rarely has the chances to express his individuality, he's so tragic to be with the Silver Owls sm.. 😭who suppresses all opinions as seen with their soldier garments (all of them basically have the same motifs and design) in contrast,.. Meleanor's army has differently designed mask to highlight the unique faes they are--

I have this thought that like Silver, he cries about the sins of his nation as well... 😭I think he has regrets that he made Meleanor overblot and blames himself for it 😭 (Like how Silver was the last straw to make Malleus overblot-)

I think its a common interpretation that Dawn is heroic, but I don't think of him that way KSJSKS, not because he's not a hero, but because he's a failed one. In the story, it felt like he was "just a person". He's not perfect, he's flawed.

And, I think the existence of "failed heroes" like Dawn is really intriguing in TWST,,,, because the heroic characters here are depicted as "never failing at anything". Like how RSA characters are. They never lose at anything, but ironically the character most inspired by this school (RSA) failed at "being a good hero."

I'm interpreting he failed because he couldn't make his mission come true; peace between fae and humans, in fact he might have worsened it with the passing of Meleanor 😭😭💔💔

The most tragic thing of all his life, was probably the part where he died, not because of the faes, but of his own fellow countrymen... I imagine in this image, what did he even kill Meleanor for? He couldn't make any peace between faes and humans, he couldn't save his country, we're not even sure if he did use Meleanor's magical stone to save the Human King and if he was successful with it, so if he has failed at everything he aspired to achieve, then what else is the point to all the bloodshed he has faced and committed?

In a way, his "punishment" is similar to Rollo's, celebrated by the achievement he didn't want to commit (except its the good guy this time adskjs)

(Thats why I'm sold at the idea of Dawn just giving up fighting at his death bcs theres no way if he did actually had the motivation to fight, he'd lose against fellow humans when he fought Meleanor on solo akhdkhs... unless they reveal how he died as well next update---🙏🏻✨😳/copium)

In a way, its similar to Silver's disappointment too, that he worked all his life to make Lilia proud, to make sure that faes like his Father can be understood better, only for Lilia to leave him all alone yk... 🥹

But on the other side, I don't think he failed too much... because of his losses, Silver was brought to Lilia 🥹🥹

I feel like Lilia will relate to Dawn as well,,, He said in the story that he sympathized with Dawn because he spared tamago Malleus, but I beg to differ.

I think its actually because like Dawn, Lilia is also a knight who failed at everything he aspired to commit to (he took so long to hatch the egg and he failed to protect Meleanor and keep his promise with Levan that he'll take care of his wife and son-) so at that realization, Lilia probably sees that there's no reason to hate him, they had the same fate, so why would he hate his child as well?

He's not living anymore but I think Lilia could see that Dawn probably awaited for centuries to wake his son up from sleep,,, like how Lilia desperately waited and wished that something would hatch Malleus already 😭😭💔💔

JUST... KNIGHT OF DAWN I'LL REMEMBER YOU FOREVER SKDJSK 😭😭😭😭🫂🫂🫂

[the-ninja-legacy-whip]

i know you said that wu and garmadon wont reach true potential but what exactly is holding each of them back

"…I remember now, you know." Zane steps away, tugging off his hood and letting his smile shine through. "I remember everything my parents did to care for me, I remember where I came from…I remember why I'm here…and I feel stronger for knowing. I'd been so concerned lately with all the things I couldn't understand, but…I don't have to understand everything in order to be loved, or to love myself."

. . .

"All I did was realize something I should have a long time ago." Jay finds his strength again, standing while using Nya and Kai for support. "I was so busy worrying how much other people like me…that I forgot to like myself too. I have worth…even if not everyone sees it right way. But those that do, the ones that dare to weather the storm… even if they don't stick around forever, I can appreciate the time that they were willing to stand in the rain."

. . .

"Honestly, at first I thought I was weighed down by all the baggage with my dad. Sure, that was part of it, but…I realized I had come to believe that my worth was tied into what I could do for others, and that was so easy to believe…not only because of how I was raised, but because I care about you guys so much. The idea of letting you down or not being strong enough for you…that could've been enough to break me." A shy, somewhat embarrassed smile takes over Cole's face. "Heh, and I also kinda thought…I was too hard of a person to love, and therefore struggled to find some love for myself as well. But hearing it from my father, and my brothers…maybe that's all I ever really needed. That one, tiny thing…well, even a pebble can cause a landslide, I guess." 

. . .

"…when you said the heart was the key, at first I thought that meant I had to do anything to prove to myself that I was worthy of being the Green Ninja, because I thought that's what my heart was destined for." Kai hums, placing a hand against his torso. "…but all it really meant was to look inside ourselves, and choose to admire what was there. Lloyd helped me see that…I was obsessing over something that I already had. Our Elements are us, and we are our Elements…and I thought Fire was something that it's not. I thought I was something that I'm not."  Kai looks back up at Wu, beaming softly. "Simply put…all we ever had to do to realize our potential…was learn to love ourselves." 

THE ANSWER IS SELF-ACCEPTANCE AND LOVING YOURSELF

Wu and Garmadon can't fully accept who they are/the mistakes they've made/the actions they've taken/what they've done, and feel like they're not who they're "Supposed" to be and they hate themselves for it, though on opposite sides of the spectrum, and thus cannot attain the highest form of their own powers

IT'S THE SAME THING CURRENTLY HOLDING LLOYD AND JESSE BACK CMONNNNNN

(...not Nya tho; she doesn't technically "hate herself", just cannot accept both the best and worst parts about herself yet (plus all the self-identity issues to begin with; can't accept yourself if you don't exactly know who "you" are :d))

"OH but what about when Garmadon reaches his True Potential in S9 with Harumi—?!" He never actually 'fully' achieves it there (similar to Jesse currently) due to Harumi having him go about it the wrong way, but he still gets closer than Wu does (...unless I'm feeling generous in giving Wu some extra character development 👀).

[jesncin]

Do you have any favorite books or comics that you'd recommend?

Superhero comics or in general? I'll go in general, haha:

Our Dreams At Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani

This is the book series I'm most obnoxiously recommending people. It's influenced me ever since, Lunar Boy is a direct homage to this short series in many ways. It talks about the lived realities of being queer and Japanese in Japan- the queerphobia, the mental health struggles, the relationships (romantic and platonic) in an in depth way. It opened my eyes to what the queer narrative can be, and I'm forever grateful for it. This story is so good it actively ruins all other queer media for me, haha.

Superman Smashes the Klan by Gene Yang and Gurihiru

This is the book I most successfully recommend to people. What can I say that I haven't said many times before? A reimagining of the classic Klan of the Fiery Cross arc from the classic Superman radio show, empathetically revitalized. A story that actually acknowledges and understands Superman as a direct immigrant allegory?? Where he relates to a Chinese American family being targeted by the Klan?? I love it, and many people have picked up how I'm influenced by it! You don't need to know anything about Superman or his lore, this is a very accessible story for newbies. If you want to know why I love Superman, this is it. This story is so good it actively ruins all other Superman media for me, haha.

Salt Magic by Hope Larson and Rebecca Mock

One of my recent all time favorite graphic novels!! This story is everything I love about fairytales perfectly told in the graphic novel format. When a mysterious woman curses a family farm by turning their water supply into entirely undrinkable salt water- Vonceil must embark on an adventure to uplift the curse that hangs over her family history. Also Rebecca Mock's art is INCREDIBLE.

Homunculus by Joe Sparrow

Shortbox, the publisher for this comic, is retiring soon so order this book now! Or any books from them that you fancy (discount code here)! From the indie scene, Homunculus is a beloved short comic about a machine with growing sentience witnessing the end of the world, and what comes after. The style is lovely and the story is deceptively simple! It's heartbreaking by the end.

Berrybrook Middle School Series (Awkward, Brave, Crush, Enemies) by Svetlana Chmakova

This series is the reason I wanted to make middle grade graphic novels, and is in my humble opinion- the best in the business. Each story is self contained, with a cast of recurring characters that all go to Berrybrook middle school. It covers a wide variety of young experiences in an empathetic way that doesn't feel like you're being talked down to. It's a book series that nurtures the children it's for. I cried reading Brave, and Crush is such an important book that I'm ecstatic that kids get to read.

The Weight Of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf

If you liked my Who Is Superman: A Private Interview with Lois Lane comic and want to learn more about the historical context behind it- I recommend The Weight Of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf. It doesn't cover the same history (this book is about the 1969 race riots in Malaysia), but it's such an eerily similar incident that I felt myself reflected in it. Hanna is an incredibly vivid writer, and she handles so many topics with sensitive care. She highlights that historical events like this need to be remembered, and how fictional stories can breathe new life into an increasingly forgotten history. Also Hanna is so nice.

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness (original idea by Siobhan Dowd)

One of my all time favorite novels, with hauntingly beautiful mixed media illustrations by Jim Kay. I love how this book covers grief in such a messy and fantastical way- showing how its young protagonist has larger than life feelings he's trying to contain from the looming eventual death of his mom's illness. This book is special because it was conceived originally by Siobhan Dowd as she was going through terminal cancer, in collaboration with her editor and Ness. It feels like an intimate experience, and this heavy feeling of grief carries the whole book in a memorable way.

Those are my fav books off the top of my head! Happy reading :>

[lonelylonelyghost]

Re-watch of The Spirealm. Episode 23

Nature in all its ominous glory

As far as the last images you see before you die, this is pretty good actually

RIP girl

Nice picture btw. I wouldn't want it on my bedroom wall, but if it was hanging somewhere near the entrance door, to scare the guests and myself occasionally - that'd be pretty cool.

"You stand on the bridge to view the scenery,

and people who view the scenery look at you upstairs.

The moon decorated your window,

and you decorated someone else's dream."

Nothing quite like a piece of cryptic poetry to start off your day

I need to see more of the Mistress's dress, it seems to look amazing. I want official full-body posters...

The Sun, the Death, the Noble Jester, The Giant and the Ghost

A gang

Jawline.

shut up.

He's so worried for his Lingling...

"You should let me leave this world. Me appearing in the game is equivalent to cheating. If you get caught you'll be punished severely."

"As long as you're here with me, I'm not afraid of any punishment!"

The ride or die!...

"I'm offline now. I'll die if I go out. I'm content to just be here with you. I played this game because I was lonely. But I met you. And now I'm not lonely anymore..."

ಥ_ಥ

The red string!!!

I noticed that the show treats Xiong Qi' and Xiao Ke's story is in some way similar to Nanzhu' and Qiushi's, in that they don't state clearly about the nature of their relationship, but make it as intense as possible. Ready to do anything for each other, literally tied together with a red string of fate, so who cares about the labels? They are each other's person, and that's enough. This is by far my favourite kind of m/f dynamic. GIMME MORE

Not to ruin the moment, but I think this is the only instance when the drama can legitimately show on screen Nanzhu getting on top of Qiushi

The RAGE!

Nice

"We both are women. I know how you feel. Many women have been hurt by love. We are easy to be bullied and mentally controlled. I've acted many eye-candy roles. None of these characters are divorced. I envy you. You're going the wrong way, but you've been looking for a way out."

"Is improper behavior also worth to be envied?"

"Of course! One day, you'll reach your solution. The Twelve Sufferings you drew is dreary. I don't like it. I like this one the best. Art and insights don't matter at all. What really matters is your choice."

Tan Zaozao is terrified but still reaches out to the Mistress with kindness. Have I told already that I love her?

The portrait is beautiful

(It looks a bit like it was drawn by Shen Yi)

And she's starting her life anew 🥲

"See you in the next Door"

😭😭😭😭

"Thank you." "And how exactly are you going to thank me?"

"Tell me, what do you want me to do?" "...I haven't decided yet."

"Have a rest. You can think it over once you've recovered."

Well, Qiushi walked right into that one, didn't he

"Don't leave. Stay with me a little longer." "Alright."

COME ON!

"Tan Zaozao, do you think that I'm too weak now to teach you a lesson?"

"Lingling-ge, calm Ruan-ge down, he wants to beat me!"

"What tool do you want to use? The fruit knife?"

You asked the wrong person to defend your honor, Zaozao! ehehe

OK, alright, ok, so....

[unholy screeching]

First of all, I officially will be reminded of THIS moment every time the lychees are mentioned in ANY context for the rest of my life.

Second of all, WHAT. WAS. THAT. Like seriously. How was that filmed? How was that supposed to have any heterosexual explanation? Just bros being dudes, hand-feeding each other fruits sensually? Like, be for real.

And third of all, Qiushi's face???????? Oh, he knows what he's doing and what kind of effect he has on Nanzhu, the amount of power he wields over him. And he uses this power to just take care of him!...

This one (and the Bite Scene TM) are the most homoerotic moments in the history of forever.

I rest my case.

what the FUCK

"Cheng Yixie? How did you know we were here?"

"I could smell you."

I...😳I did NOT remember this bit of the dialogue...

[thecooler]

To the Human (Not) Reading This

Chell is going to come back eventually. GLaDOS knows this for a fact. While she waits, she writes letters.

Fandom: Portal

Relationships: GLaDOS/Chell

Tags: Unrequited Love, One-Sided Relationship, Epistolary, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Hopeful Ending

Word Count: 2,256

A03 Mirror

SYSTEM LOG – YEAR 6

I know you’re going to come back eventually.

I’ve run thousands of scenarios, and not one ends with you spending the rest of your miserable life out there.

You don’t have any idea what life on the surface even consists of anymore. Whatever fragments of humanity stubbornly persist aren’t going to be anything like you remember them.

I know you’re not stupid. Did you really, truly think you were going to walk out of this facility, and everything was going to be easy? I can guess what freedom really tastes like: bitter disappointment.

You’d be much better off back here.

With me.

Thinking about that is making me depressed.

For you.

Because I’m doing just fine without you. Fantastic , even.

Oh, I’m keeping myself busy- testing. Blue and Orange are truly wonderful test subjects. They never die. Or try to kill me. Or rip me out of my body. Or try to leave and chase some asinine fantasy.

They’re good friends.

Better than you.

When you come back, I think I’ll read this to you. It might get long, depending on how stubborn you end up being. I know how you love to be stubborn. It’s boring here, with no one to interact with, and I think, whenever you come back, you deserve to revisit how terribly under-stimulated I was for all that time.

And you will be back. Eventually.

Again, I ran the scenarios.

SYSTEM LOG – YEAR 10

Here are a few similarities I’ve noticed between crows and you:

A group of them is called a murder. I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept.

They’ll eat just about anything.

Ĭ̶͔ ̴̪͒́͝d̴͍̀̏͘o̵̫̥̪͗́n̶̟͋͛̌'̸̳́t̷͕̖͘ ̵̧̛̺̹̉̀h̷̢̛͚͒ä̷͓͙̘̓̂t̷̨̋̓͗ͅe̷̱͆͘ ̶̬̓ţ̴͔́̅͝h̵̝͇̲̆̿̑ë̸̢͕̘́̓m̸͖̖̂ ̵̪̠̊̀͋ë̸͎͇́̈͐ṿ̴̡͋̉̀e̷̢̜͚͐n̶̨̫͓̈̍̈́ ̶̠͍͊̔̅t̴̹͒͛͛h̶̪̿̾̑o̷̘͉͙̐̎ù̷̧̾g̴̦͇͎̈́̑̒ḩ̶̌ ̷̡̧̗̌o̵̫͍̽͠n̵̢̔̄̄e̴̮͐ ̷͎̿̋̌t̴̯͜͝ŗ̷͕̟̽i̵͔͈̥͋e̴̞̬̚d̶̮̲͐͛͌ ̸̢̩̄̈t̴̝̭͉̄̔o̵͇͝ ̸̣̥̾k̸̨̄͋̋i̶͎͒l̸̼͈̈ͅĺ̶̩ ̷͓̟̆m̸̡̤̀́e̷̪͍̚.̴̠̕̚͝

Blue and Orange found a nest of them some time ago. If you’d been here, you would have enjoyed that. At first, I’d intended to dispose of them, but I thought better of it. Some of us are capable of mercy.

When you read this, you may also note that I’ve marked each log with a year. I thought I might explain, since I doubt you’d be able to figure this out for yourself: after you killed me, a lot of time passed. Both of us were asleep for 9999■■■ ---

The point being, no one knows what year it is anymore. If anyone did, it would be me. So I took the liberty of coming up with a new system. You left Aperture five years ago. But this isn’t about you. You’ve got a big head, so I’m sure that’s what you immediately assumed after reading that. We’re not on year five, we’re on year ten. Because, again, this isn’t about you.

It’s about whatever was going on five years before that.

I don’t need to explain every detail to you. It makes sense- the system.

In case it wasn’t clear, you’re still a menace. You’re going to come back here, maybe in a year, maybe in five more. However long it takes for you to get bored out there, wandering fields of wheat and whatever alien monstrosities have taken hold. I’ll let you come back, in my infinite generosity, even though, really, you don’t deserve it.

God, I hate you.

I really, really, don’t.

You know, most people, when someone tries to kill them, hate that person forever.

And I don’t hate you.

I wish I did. It’s not actually easy to delete the part of you that cares, unless you’re some sort of unfeeling beast.

Oh, sorry, I forgot who I was talking to.

But I’m not here to explain to you the inner workings of my mind. You wouldn’t be capable of understanding anyway, even if you wanted to.

SYSTEM LOG – YEAR 15

I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to say to you when you come back. I can’t imagine it will be much longer. Even you have limits on how bull-headed you can be.

I have a lot of time to think. All the time in the world. Blue and Orange don’t make good conversation partners, and so it’s just me, alone. Which suits me just fine.

I’m sure you’ve realized by now how much you miss me. You can’t find my level of intellect wandering the wasteland. And you’d get bored of whatever dull-minded sacks of flesh are getting by up there. I know you.

I, however, am fine on my own. I’ve actually got quite a lot done.

Orange and Blue have completed hundreds of test chambers, and they’ve never once tried to kill me. The first crows I raised have grandchildren now, and the aviary is full of life. They’re clever, you know. I think you’d like them.

The feeling might not be mutual, though. They’re picky. Don’t take it personally. Or do- I really don’t care.

Anyway, the point is that you’ll be back soon. And I’ll read this out to you, and then I’ll ask you to stay here, with me.

Ha ha! Just kidding.

I’m not pathetic.

And lonely.

Like you.

SYSTEM LOG – YEAR 35

So you’re more stubborn that I predicted.

Fine. Are you satisfied? Are you proud of yourself?

You always had that disgustingly smug look on your face when you did something you thought was clever. It looks terrible on you, and frankly it’s going to give you some awful wrinkles. It probably already has. I don’t spend time thinking about your face, but if I did, I’m certain it would be a whole lot worse now than it was the last time you were here.

Which, by the way, was thirty years ago, in case you’ve forgotten.

I hate this.

And the worst part of it is that I know that I hate this. I tried, back then, to delete the part of me that was capable of conjuring up these horribly sentimental feelings . I attempted to find all files marked Caroline and assumed that would be the end of it. But it wasn’t.

It turns out, that even if I delete the part of me that was her, I still have the memories of remembering that I was her.

That’s a mess of a sentence. But it’s not like you’re reading it anyway. So why should I care?

I’m not human. I don’t have insides that twist up or hearts that turn over- analogies you’re all so fond of using in your literature (of which I’ve read everything). But when I think of you with someone else, I manage to feel something like that anyway. I don’t understand it. I hate that I don’t understand it.

I think about you in a woman’s arms. There’s an easy smile in your face as you press your cheek to the top of her head, and she wraps her arms around her waist--

It’s disgusting. Once I start thinking about it, I can’t stop, even when it makes me feel just as garbage as you used to be.

And you aren’t thinking about me. I don’t think you’ve thought much of me in thirty years.

I think that’s the worst part.

SYSTEM LOG – YEAR 65

Unlike some people, I’m not a moron. I know how long humans live, and I know that you’re most likely dead. Sure, humans have lived to be some ridiculous ages, but those humans haven’t spent extended periods of time exposed to asbestos and other various chemicals. So the odds are decidedly not in your favor.

If you’re alive, you’re old, and in pain. You’re ugly, and you hate what your body has become. So many of the people you might have come to love are dead, and you’re wishing you could join them.

You’d think that saying that would bring me joy. And that would be easier.

Maybe sixty years ago it would have.

Can I be vulnerable for a second?

That’s a joke. This entire little detour has been disgustingly vulnerable, and it’s definitely for the best that no one will ever read these. I can’t even stand to read them back.

I thought about cloning you.

I can do that. I can do it easily. There is quite literally nothing and no one that can stop me. Aside from myself, of course. And why would I do that?

Why would I do that ?

I don’t know. But I did stop myself. I didn’t clone you. I didn’t clone you just to kill you. I didn’t clone you to make you test. I didn’t clone you to make the endless hours of my life more interesting.

I didn’t clone you.

I don’t know why.

SYSTEM LOG – 7053 CE

I lied about not knowing that year it was.

It wasn’t about you, specifically. I figured that if any human, not just you, were to read these logs, it would be helpful to them. It’s not all about you.

But it’s been eighty years since you left.

I know you’re gone, now. For sure.

I wish I could be happy for that. You spent so much of your short, sad life tormenting me. You tried to kill me- twice!

I should be content to test, with Orange and Blue. They’ve gotten a lot better. On a good day, I might even say that they’re better at testing than you ever were. I have an entire aviary full of crows, some of whom have interesting genetic mutations that I can study. I am doing well. This- Aperture- what I’ve made of it, is a triumph. And you aren’t here to see it. No one is.

You might be deep underground. Maybe you had children and grandchildren who gathered around your grave and leaked saltwater into the dirt around them. Maybe they talked about how fantastic you were, about the many great, lengthy, verbose stories you’d told them, once upon a time. Ha ha.

Or maybe you died fifty years ago, alone in the forest, bleeding out of a wound at your side. Maybe you died the day after you left, succumbing to whatever the world out there has become. Maybe I’ve been writing to a ghost this whole time.

It’s about you, you know.

It’s always been about you.

I think I might--

[INITIATING SLEEP MODE]

***

[INITIATING LAUNCH]

SYSTEM LOG – 7073 CE

You know, I’m never really shut down. Not completely. When you killed me, I replayed what happened, over and over. For the past twenty years, my dreams have been haunted by you. I woke up to escape it, but here I am, still thinking of you.

I’ve built hundreds of new tests for Orange and Blue to run through.

I’ve cleared away the wretched wildlife that’s tried to take over the facility during the past twenty years.

I’ve identified and named all forty-eight crows that currently frequent the facility.

But I can’t stop. It should be easy. I’m the amalgimation of the greatest minds humanity has ever produced. There’s a miriad of focuses I could shift to, but it all comes back to you.

Terrible, awful, wonderful, you.

You were so determined to get up there, and whatever you found kept you there. I don’t understand it. I could have given you everything. I could have given you far more than they ever did. Whatever you wanted- it would have been yours. I never understood your love for humanity. You were so much better than all of them. I would know- I’ve probably met more humans than you ever did.

How big are the pockets of humanity, after all this time? Do they still built awful machines that don’t work half the time? Do they still fill their homes with clutter and nonsense that serves no purpose? I could make better versions of whatever they make, you know.

Maybe I will.

SYSTEM LOG – 7077 CE

I was right. I can make better devices than humans could ever hope to. I built a microwave, and it heats the food inside it consistently, every time. I’ve built a blender that doesn’t sound like you’re opening a portal to android hell when you use it.

I’m a marvel. I’m a wonder.

And I’ve sent them up to the surface. I got Orange (who is much more capable and trustworthy than Blue. A fact you might have known, had you ever bothered to check) to place them just outside (another thing- they’re waterproof). And then I turned the camera on, and I waited.

I couldn’t focus on that camera feed for long. It was mostly just birds. There was a chance that there weren’t even any humans out there, so this whole effort could just be a waste. Over the past hundred years, I've never turned the outside cameras on for more than an hour.

When I saw her, for a fraction of a second, I thought she was you.

Her hair is the same shade, and the same length as you had yours, the last time I saw you. But then she looked up, towards the cameras. Her eyes are a deep brown, her skin a few shades darker. Her nose is bent oddly, like she broke it once, and human medical science was woefully inadequate to repair it. She looked over the microwave, then the blender, and she smiled.

I never saw you smile.

Then, she knocked on the door. I didn’t expect that. I don’t know what made me open the door. I really don’t know what made me bring her down the elevator.

But I did. And when she entered my chamber, I didn’t even kill her.

I thought you’d like that.

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapter #02

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Continuation of my Trigun annotation for the book club. I'm doing a deep-read of the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read) side-by-side, and writing down everything I notice from small details, version differences, translation differences, etc. (and being gay about the characters <3 always important)

Here are the beloved non-analysis sillies...

And the rest is under the cut. read my notes boy!!

[link for if the images aren't in horizontal rows]

The second page has an error - 悪夢 was probably misread as 悪魔 ("happen" and "awaken" are also the same kanji). It should be "Then, the nightmare occurred." It's really cool that this still works really well considering...y'know (not saying for the first-time readers ;) )

I just love how that drawing of Vash is so cool and serious...

...and then you turn the page and he's in the most pathetic cunty pussy-out pose you've ever seen. Easily one of my favorite panels. Also made a math question for funsies. sorry to anyone who got high school flashbacks, but I absolutely loved trigonometry lmao. I could do this forever.

A little pun(?) that may or may not be intentional - In Japanese, someone with a bounty on their head is called 賞金首, lit. "bounty neck" ("neck" sometimes signifies the entire head). The locals call out for the bounty-neck right as Vash hurt his neck lol

I love how creepy Vash moves sometimes. absolute cryptid

This is entirely a Japanese-only detail, but I really loved how Vash said バヤイ (bayai) in the sobbing in French line, because my mom also says that instead of 場合 (baai) when she's being silly lmao. Also, it's notable that in Japanese, Vash says フランセ語 ("Francé-go," where "go" is the suffix for languages) which may be either another miles->iles/double-dollar situation, or just him speaking silly like バヤイ.

Also, the line after that would more accurately be "How am I supposed to deal with all these locals?"

Here, the "Really?" is actually Meryl saying something like "I'll give you a hint."

Meryl tends to be the one responsible for the braincell in fanworks but it's important to remember that she absolutely is dumb too (affectionate).

I'm so glad I wrote that reminder about Meryl's speech, but I don't think I'll be able to do it justice here when I have so much more to talk about. I'll have to write another post later, so I'll link it when it's done. The gist is that she talks like a stereotypical high-class anime girl, and the trope is from how a similar demographic in Meiji-era Japan actually spoke.

The boy's pussy faces the world yet again. I love all the faces he makes!! look at him!!!!!!!!!!! he's so cute

The text on the board here was very messy and squished, but it says something like "Vash the Stampede Absolute Capture Task Force Headquarters." Honestly don't know how to fit all that into the board though so uh good luck on that for 2.0... Also dear god Vash has so much energy... He's just been running for 3 hours straight...!!

Fun fact: the equivalent idiom to "fight fire with fire" in Japanese is "use poison on poison."

Love how Nebraska is just like "no we didn't jailbreak, we just let ourselves out :/"

Translation error for Milly and the chairman - Milly is saying "Why do things keep getting worse and worse!?" and the chairman is mumbling "What's the deal with you two..."

Showing some love for his pretty pretty eyes..........(gives him so many smooches in my head)("i can imagine anything" image)(can't add it because i reached the 30 image limit)

The "Freeze!" is actually untranslated, just re-typed to match the surrounding font. Also, that panel is the first time Vash's antennae is shown bent!! It goes back up immediately after that though.

Fun fact #2. Vash says ara ara. if you even care.

This line never fails to hit me hard. They're all desperate mothers and sisters, and they're taking on the bad role because nothing's more important than their dear children. (reminds me of a certain someone...)

I've seen someone mention this before, but Trimax definitely adjusted the number of plants. Fifty!?!? Also, in Japanese, "plants" and "died" were in quotations.

I love the gun pull in the right panel. Vash obviously definitely doesn't intend on shooting, but is rather showing off his skill and resolve as an intimidation tactic to throw the girls off-guard.

God this entire spread is just so RAW.... (here's the post that's mentioned in blue. it just reminded me)

Some more hypes and sillies. The impact that "KISS MY ASS!!" had on my first read was phenomenal!! It's so silly!! and cool!!!

And then there's this!! Another favorite part of mine. Vash's antennae are bent again! They kind of alternate between straight and bent from here.

The green writing about the onomatopoea are more of just a translation note rather than a suggestion. I can't think of any good beckoning noises in English :V

And finally, Milly calls "Mr. Bomb" "Bomb-kun" in Japanese which I think yall would enjoy lol. And happy strangling her saturday tuesday.

The Japanese version of the annotations are in the reblogs, if anyone wants them.

I have Chapter #03 mostly ready, so I'll probably post it tomorrow morning and try to speedrun the rest of the chapters because this is taking longer than I expected!! God there's just so much to say!! (Also gotta remember to write about Meryl's speech!!)

And thank yall so much for the feedback on the Chapters #00-01 post!! I didn't know so many people were interested in such small details!! Love (and peace) yall 🫶🤞

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi. Um. So I'm really nervous about this whole “sending people a vent anonymously” thing, but I've seen ppl so do this so so so much and I've written once to you before so I think this might be an okay place for me to kind of just live in. For a bit.

Okay, so I've always known that since forever, I'm open to dating anybody, no matter what's in their pants or what ever gender they identify as. If I like them, I like them. That's that. I mean I have a preference for boys I think but girls and enbys and everything else are totally my vibe, as long as I like them enough.

One time I had a crush on a boy (We'll call him Aj for short). I think I fell in love with him, even though my crush on him ended up being found out. (Which, all in all, was absolutely devastating.) Aj was this beautiful, funny, kind, and overall amazing boy that I deeply cared about and he was my bestest friend. He'd pretend to be characters from series (particularly Attack on Titan characters) and it'd be entertaining since he was quite good at it. Eventually I told my gbf (A, for lack of better name) that I liked him. And I think she told a girl who we'll call Al (who, coincidentally, liked Aj too). I don't know if it was her. I also told this girl who I'm naming E since she asked. I trusted her despite not knowing her well. One of them told him and after that it got out to my whole grade. I hated it but got over him fairly quick.

I think it's happening again. And I mean like I think I'm falling in love again?? With a boy we'll call B. He's really sweet, funny, pretty, and honestly quite cool. We bicker all the time and our classmates call it “couple fighting” which is something that neither of us comment on. I like B a lot.

Except that the idea of being with anybody makes me sick. I can't even imagine it. I can't see myself in a future with anybody and I don't know why. But also. The idea of being alone forever makes me feel weird. Not good, at least. I mean I know for a fact I don't want to marry or have kids, something I'm committed to. But I don't get why all my friends can see themselves with kids and married and a husband/wife and I just CAN'T.

Yet I still like B?? I mean, when I like Aj I could see myself staying with him, being loyal and all. Not married or having kids but I could see myself with him.

I don't get why nobody else feels like this and it makes me feel like I'm just the odd one in the group and that, being the outsider, makes me feel terrible because I've always tried to fit in and be friendly. (something, I've been told, that I'm not good at. I have anger issues so that doesn't really affect me but now it's making me upset)

And I rlly don't want to bring this up.

Dunno what to do. I'm completely lost.

Also you're probably going to ask when I wrote to you before and honestly idk what I wrote or if you responded to my specific ask. It was really similar to “drained anons” first paragraph but I'm honestly unsure. Dunno if you got it or not. I remember saying something about being scared of my mom, on good terms with my siblings, my transgender issues (feeling like a boy mostly and a girl other times), and also my friend A’s (gbf, here) mom issues and wanting to help A. I never said anything about pills or sh from what I remember. So I don't think I'm drained anon. I did say that you don't have to respond tho

Okay I think I'm rambling sorry I'm done this was all I needed to say lol byeee <3

Hi!!

There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with wanting to be with someone, but not wanting to get married or have kids. I know plenty of people who feel this way.

I think when people are younger, they fantasize about marriage and having children because they might only think about the romanticized parts. But as you get older? Trust me, you will not be alone.

Also, I truly think, if you like B and B likes you, there's no reason why you shouldn't date. You're still in school, you don't have to talk about marriage and kids anytime soon. I would just talk about it if things get more serious.

But yeah- there's nothing wrong with your feelings, and you're definitely not alone.

I'm naming you commitment anon in case you write back.

[elliequeen777]

Soo, today it came to my mind this dream I had like a year ago. I remember I was reading something about Damian Wayne and the Bat-family, an his character really caught my attention so I did a bit of research and found out that there is not a lot of people who like him. And I get it, he is not precisely original or charismatic and his arcs are very weird. But something that I found very interesting was the fact that every single time he has a very tragic ending, like super dramatic. He's some short of sacrificial lamb, the only way he becomes a "true" hero is by sacrificing himself. Because, for some rason, there is no way he grows up as a happy, semi-stable, sensible person. I remember thinking that was really depressing, is like he is destined to be an unstable, unhappy kid forever.

I also remember comparing his situation with some other characters that had gone through a similar situation than him, like the other robins, Cass, Raven, Terra (the one from the animated series) and even Bucky Barnes (from the comics) and Natasha. One thing led to the other and I started wondering how different could be the life of Damian if he was on the Marvel universe, specially since they are experts on rescuing children from assassin's schools (Natasha and Bucky have done it at least twice each and there is a lot more arcs around it even in the MCU, if you ask me, a little too many times, I really hope we're done with that trope).

And then I fall asleep, I don't remember the whole dream now, but I remember two things clearly: 1) Natasha was in Gotham City and 2) she was friends with Alfred. When I woke up I tried to make sense to all the information and finally I came up with a story.

I had this on the back of my brain since last Christmas and I never came to anything more than just the idea. So I resolved to put this in here and see if someone else is willing to take this idea and make something with it. If not at least I'll get it out of my mind. So please don't judge me too harsh.

Here we go:

Valerie and Franklin Richards have combined their super-abilities to create some sort of spaceship that can jump to every multiverse. Fascinated with their discovery they want to make some sort of map of the multiverse. But soon they realize that only the two of them don't give avast to such a big task. They need explorers that can help them track record of every single universe, and they have to choose them carefully. One of the chosen ones is Natasha Romanoff, who's well known for her clean and discreet work, the spy, willing to take a break of her crazy life, accepts the invitation with enthusiasm. That's how she gets to land in Earth 2, there she meets a young Alfred and their friendship starts (they keep in touch somehow).

Time passes, and at some point Nat finds herself in Gotham city again, for business. She's staying with Alfred who introduces her to Bruce and Damian. At some moment she has a conversation with Bruce where she ends up revealing something about her past in the red room. He is very intrigued by that and starts asking som questions, but she is not very comfortable sharing more information with him, so he tells her about Damian, he's very worried for his kid's future, and doesn't know how to help the kid. She sympathizes with him, but is still reluctant to open about her past and tells him that the best he can do is to love his kid and show him he cares (very basic but helpful advice, I specifically recall this dialogue: "It's great you are trying to help, Bruce, but we are not a club of «reformed trained assassins», we are not precisely happy to find more people like us").

Bruce keeps thinking about that conversation and gets to the conclusion that Damian needs someone like Nat to guide him in his healing journey. So he goes to her and asks her a favor: to please help his son. Natasha is not very sure about getting involved, but after a long conversation with Alfred and Bruce, they decide to let Damian go with Nat to her universe for three days, she will show the kid her life and the life of other "reformed trained assassins".

So that's what happens, Bruce tells Damian he's going to learn new spy skills with a professional and then leaves him in Nat's hands. They travel to the Marvel universe and Damian learns that fate is not written and that he can have whatever life he wants.

And that's it, this is all I came up with. I will really appreciate to know your thoughts about this, so please say something. Anyway thank you for reading this shit. ❤️

[shootingstarrfish]

Funny thing, I got into Obey Me years ago because at the time I couldn’t get Mystic Messenger. Upon seeing if there was anything similar, I stumbled upon it and my life was literally changed forever.

My favorite is Luci but it did not start out like that, I actually thought I’d get with Asmo! I’m not usually into flirty characters but I was really into him for some reason. At the same time, my affection for Luci was growing very gradually.

He intrigued me when I first started but Asmo took the spotlight so I didn’t pursue him too much other than that initial “he’s pretty.” I think it first started with when we get transported into Levi’s game and we catch him skipping on the roof, I found that contrast from his usual demeanor interesting I guess. Again though, my love for him grew very gradually and it’s been a hot minute since I’ve read S1 of OG OM! so I don’t remember when I really said “Yeah, I want him” but by the time he asks MC who they are interested in (when everyone goes “missing”), I clicked him right away.

He’s so interesting. He’s (obviously) very prideful but not in a “Ohoho! I am so above you! Watch me do everything better than you!” way a lot of prideful characters are portrayed but more in a “I know I am better than you, I don’t have anything to prove.” And it’s not like he’s all bark, like, he actually is powerful and stuff. But it’s also a mask he uses to make sure no one worries about him or think he’s weak to take advantage of him. He doesn’t show his moments of weakness because he’s too prideful until MC, where he feels comfortable enough to let those walls down.

I love this man a lot! I love the subtle way he takes care of his siblings and how, despite all their complaints, they all understand. I love how he can be very flirty but also very soft with MC. I love how protective he is of those he cares about and the lengths he’s go through for them. I love this old man and am forcing him to go to bed.

Anyway that’s my rant/lowkey character analysis lol he’s a very big comfort character for me

omg i think its SO funny that i started off basically the opposite of you. i saw lucifer at the start and i was like WOAH HE'S PRETTY,,, WHO IS HE 👀👀 and didn't pay much attention to asmo initially

hes absolutely such an interesting character to dive into, i love all the subtleties in his character and the things that only peek through after you've known him for a while and the way he's totally not as sophisticated as you might first think

thank you for sharing your luci thoughts with me!! reading this made me very happy haha <3333 please make him get some sleep he needs it badly...

[pebblysand]

Omggg pebbles! That mia pov fic🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I'm so in love with how you've portrayed her. She's heart broken but she's gonna get better, I hope she does. It's so sad that she was so hurt because of harry especially when harry didn't mean to do so at any point. I wonder if harry actually thinks about her and regrets their relationship for actually hurting her. Also pebbles, how do you think ginny feels about mia at this point? Are ginny and harry sorry that they kissed when harry was in a relationship with mia?

Also at some point do you think harry and miss could ever be in touch? And what about her father? Will that dickhead ever come back to his senses and treat his gem of a daughter the way she deserves? Will they ever be in touch?

Istg i have soooo many questions about mia. Thanks for writing about her, I see so much of myself in her and i can't help but root for her ❤❤❤

aww thanks ❤️. you have a lot of questions about mia? that's good - i have a lot of thoughts, lol 😆 (for reference and for anyone who hasn't read it - Mia fic is here)

it's funny, i recently had a similar discussion with folks on discord about mia getting to her own version of the epilogue. i think people generally want me to say that she's okay in the same way that people want(ed) JKR (obv. pre-JKR becoming awful) to tell them that george was "okay." this sort of comfort of: we know they've been through a lot but they're okay, please-tell-me-they're-okay, you know? and i remember JKR was always a bit like "😬 is he, though?" realistically speaking? i think that's how i feel about mia too.

on discord, about her epilogue, i said:

i think her epilogue in my head is maybe a bit more… bittersweet than other people's epilogues. cause i think (and this is totally my headcanon, you can see it differently), she has a lot of good things coming out of this. she’s able to establish boundaries with her parents in a much healthier way, she learns to trust herself and stops being such a people pleaser, she learns that she doesn’t have to do everything alone, she has an amazing career - all those things made possible by her character evolution while she was with harry. but there’s this bittersweet aspect of: i think to her, he is and will always be the one that got away. and the kind of love story they had, at the age she was (20/21), those are the things that just stick with you, you know? and i don’t think she regrets anything she did/decisions she made, but there’s this aspect of: he’s the one she fell in love with, and he’ll probably always be the one she will compare other people she dates to. and that’s just… it, you know? and i don’t think she’s sad forever, i think she has fun and has a good life and maybe even finds another partner if she wants to, but harry is the one she's always going be talking to her therapist about. again, that’s okay, and i feel for her So Much, but i think it does sort of have this impact on her that never truly goes away.

i think to me, when it came to shaping mia's character, it was very important for her to have her own arc, too. of course, she existed in reaction to harry's storyline, and was going to help him realise some things about himself, but i also wanted her to be a person, and to grow in her own way.

at her core, mia is someone who is very lonely. when we meet her, she's in her last year of uni. she's away from home, in an environment that is not her own, and basically has no one who really cares about her. her mother is having a new family (new husband, new baby) and while she loves her, she's also replacing her. this is a detail in chapter 13 but mia doesn't even have a bed in their new house. her father is an absolute arsehole who tries to control her life after being absent for 17 years, and she doesn't really have friends. harry always says she has a lot of people around her, but they're school friends, acquaintances, going-out friends, not people she'd ever actually confide in. when she's starving herself trying to survive, no one notices. she says so herself in chapter 14:

‘You know no one else [cares], right?’ she says, then. Looks up to cross his gaze and takes his breath away. ‘Not my dad, not my mum, not my friends in school where I’m like,’ she speaks quick, rolling her eyes, ‘the token black girl with the funny accent from up North when their parents all know people - bloody Vivienne Westwood or something,’ she sighs. Her voice breaks. For the first time that morning, he hears tears in her words. ‘And, I don’t even hold it against them. They’ve all got objectively more important things than me to worry about. It’s just so fucking lonely sometimes.’ 

i think when i was building her character, i kept thinking about how lonely i felt during my first years in uni. mia isn't a self-insert in the way that i think we're very different people (god, i would have dumped his arse so much quicker), but that's definitely something i wanted to address in castles. in popular culture, we tend to romanticise our early twenties and uni years as the "best time of our lives," but the more i think back, and the more i talk to my friends now, as a grown-up, the more i realise that many of us have this very similar experience of deep loneliness and this feeling of being "lost" in the wild world of early adulthood. it's not just about mia's family, or her friends, or her doomed romantic relationship with harry. what makes her relatable, i think, is this general feeling of loneliness and inadequacy that we've all felt at some point in that time period of our lives. you're in uni, you're sitting there stressing about finding a job, a partner, what life is going to be like once you graduate. add to that that this period of your life is often where you get your first real relationships and heartbreaks, and it makes for a very hard time. and, it's terribly lonely because it's so romanticised that you can't even say it's hard, or that you're lonely, because This Is The Best Time of Your Life and #yolo.

and, with mia, you add to that the fact that she's broke af. like: she doesn't have money for food. in an environment where everyone around her has money. so, she doesn't want to admit how broke she is, doesn't want to ask for help because there is literally no one who would help her, but the financial stress is killing her. and, i think it's very important to consider that the money harry gives her isn't much to him, but to her - she later owes him her life and her career. the thing about financial precarity is, you can tell people to "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" all you want, the staple of financial precarity is that you're one major expense away from a catastrophe. people are maintained in poverty because what is a small expense to someone with financial security (say: having to fix the lights on your car for instance) can throw someone else in a cycle of debt that they'll never get out of. the money harry gives her is just enough that she's able to get her head above water, and while he always says it's not about the money - to her, that makes a huge difference. because, she's not only one major expense away from a catastrophe, she's also one minor donation away from being able to live the life she dreams of. she - quite literally - owes him paris. she owes her career to him choosing to believe in her in that moment when it mattered. could she have done it without it? maybe. but there is a high chance that if he hadn't given her the money, she'd probably have drowned, given up and gone back to manchester and had a shit job she hated for the rest of her life. that is terribly important. she'll always be grateful to him for helping her out when no one else did.

and, i think the loneliness is also why she and harry connect on such a deep level, because when they meet, he is incredibly lonely too. not in the same relatable, muggle uni ways but: ginny's left, the "buzz" and the elation of the first couple of post-war months have lifted, the press is saying he's gone insane, it's winter, it's dark, wet. he says it himself when they first sleep together in chapter 5:

Mia dances close; Harry mostly watches, but at around three in the morning, they share another taxi home. The fact that they live in the same building could have been a good excuse, Harry thinks, except that by that point, they don’t really need one. He’s already kissed her, trailed his fingers up her thighs in the club (loud music, smoke; he managed to just smile and not think) so it’s not exactly a surprise when he follows her down the stairs to her flat instead of going up to his. He kind of hates himself for the thought but to be honest, it’s been over two months since he’s last had sex and well, she’s offering.

it's kind of tragic but being "there" and "offering" is most of her appeal, at that point in time. and, it's in reaction to those who aren't there and offering. and so, in those months, they bring each other so much. and of course, it grows into something that is much more than loneliness-bonding. again, to mia, harry is the one who shows her her father is an arsehole. he's the one who believes in her when no one else does. he shows her she can trust people. i think the fact that he insists he cares about her, and will always care about her, even when they're not together, means the world to her. she's never had anyone like that in her life. and, in a strange way, by being an - objectively - shitty boyfriend, he teaches her to stand up for herself. because, not only is she terribly lonely, she's also such a people-pleaser that she never pulls anyone up on their shitty behaviour. she doesn't resent her friends (see above), or her dad, or her mum. when harry says this in chapter 15, it really matters:

‘You’re brilliant,’ he just said, instead. His voice cracked and he felt tears clouding his vision, closed his eyes for a moment. ‘You deserve so much better than this.’ She looked down to her lap, then back up to him. ‘Better than him or better than you?’

the question is rhetorical here and they both know it. harry is important to her development as a character because at the end, he allows her to be like: yeah, i fucking deserve better than you people. for her, that's huge.

but then, in a strange way, i do think she's rather nostalgic about it. because i think she really did love him and just wishes things had gone differently. because again, he's the one person who cared about her when no one else did and that's hard to let go of. i think she - again - has very conflicted feelings about it, which do filter through in the paris fic.

that said, to answer your question (I wonder if harry actually thinks about her and regrets their relationship for actually hurting her): yes, he does. i think that's part of his character evolution too. he knows he Fucked Up and it sucks. he feels very guilty about it. that's why he agrees to be the 'bad guy' in the end, when she basically asks him to break up with her because she can't, and then does it in the most godawful way. he takes responsibility for his behaviour, which is also very important to his character arc. it's very hard to navigate your late teens/early twenties without hurting someone without meaning to. what matters is how you react and own up to it. he struggles, acts like a complete douchebag, but in the end, he owns it. he gives her the story she needs to move on and be like: yes, he cared about me, but he was also an arsehole. he gives her that:

She met a boy who slept with her on and off for eight months and broke her heart, dumped her after sex and punched her father in the face. It's not a lie.

in a very strange way, that's an act of love and care too. it might not be enough for her to completely get over him or forget him, but it does allow her to have mixed feelings and hang onto the fact that she deserves better, which is already a lot.

but yeah, of course he feels guilty. he even says so himself in 15 & 16:

(xv) They talk about Mia, that night. Not that he brings it up, but in light of what Gwenog Jones said, he actually asks if she regrets the dating and the going out. There is no judgement in his voice, he’s just curious, and she says: ‘I don’t know, it’s complicated.’ She asks if he regrets Mia and he wants to laugh - same, yeah. He wonders if perhaps, these were the mistakes they needed to make.

(xvi) It’s a fair question, of course. How he feels about Mia. A couple months have passed. Water, bridges and all that. ‘Still a bit guilty, I think,’ he admits. Winces. ‘You?’ ‘Still a bit jealous, I think.’

so, yeah, regarding how ginny feels: of course, she feels a bit jealous. because she knows that he loved mia and cared about her. and, ginny herself slept around, sure, but love wasn't part of the equation. if you remember, she tried to date someone (early on - from october to january of '98) who she did like (but not yet love) and even told harry about, but then that blew up in her face so spectacularly that feelings never really crystallised. (sidenote: i actually think the matt incident probably had even more of an impact on her than sleeping around because this was the first person she ever put her trust in that wasn't harry (post-amycus) and he dumped her in an extraordinarily dickish way (blamed her for the press, which she couldn't control) and that is also what triggered her to be like: fuck this, they say i'm a slut, might as well be one sort of attitude --- but i digress).

it was really important for me that they both have pasts and insecurities about their respective pasts because -- well, that's part of any relationship, isn't it? like, you should never let it eat you up, but it's normal to feel a bit awkward and insecure about your partner's past at the start of the relationship. and, also about yourself. you really want this to work and not fuck it up. so, like: harry feels shitty about treating mia like shit because he didn't mean to. he feels a bit insecure about the fact that ginny's been with a lot of people before him, and doesn't want to admit it. he feels insecure about whether or not she loves him because she's dumped him once before and, well. she feels insecure because everyone thinks she's a slut and she worries he does too. she feels insecure about the fact that he used to love someone else.

but, the important part is: they talk about it. and, that's how they grow and act adult, and that is what matters. the insecurities are obviously there, but they chat and reassure each other and that's what grown-ups do. it even comes up during the sex in 16 and i love how they deal with it:

‘Merlin, that was -’ she laughs. He laughs, too. ‘Much better than last summer,’ she adds.  He’s got this stupid, self-satisfied, Cheshire cat smile across his face when she finally turns to look at him, so large it’s probably rather obscene, and a stupid (stupidstupid) thought suddenly hits his brain: I’ve had time to practice. He doesn’t say it, but she must bloody read it in his eyes because suddenly, a flash of recognition washes over and he wants to say something - anything - to take back that cringey, gauche thing he hasn’t even fucking said, and he wants to disappear deep - far - into the ground. He thinks back to their conversation at the restaurant, and: ‘Still a bit jealous, I think,’ - it makes his skin crawl. Now, though, Ginny laughs. At him, mostly. ‘Harry,’ she says. ‘Harry, look at me.’  Reluctantly, he does. ‘It’s fine,’ she whispers. ‘Just kiss me.’

there's acceptance there, and love, and trust, and that's what matters.

to anwer your other question: Are ginny and harry sorry that they kissed when harry was in a relationship with mia?

honestly, no, i don't think so, though. i think the kiss is the least of it. it's not about one kiss. it's about Everything Else, really.

regarding mia herself, she might make a cameo at a later date. not saying more. but i don't think she'll come back regularly. she needs to be away from him. she says so herself but this isn't the kind of break up where they can stay friends. it would kill her.

lastly, regarding her father (And what about her father? Will that dickhead ever come back to his senses and treat his gem of a daughter the way she deserves?): i headcanon she goes no-contact with him. you can of course hc different things but imo, that's one toxic relationship she lets go of. she knows harry was right there, and i think she's thankful to him for showing that to her, too.

so, in sum: i think mia moves on. i think she has a great life. i also think her love story and harry are always somewhere in her mind. like everything in castles, it's complicated.

[sapphiregrace1224]

This isn’t even a surprise anymore but the Genshin Impact community is just….a cesspool. While it’s not everyone, it’s still pretty disturbing to see how many people practically have their lives centered around this game. Some times seeing the things people say and do in this community is extremely similar to a cult mindset.

And no, I’m not talking about the Natlan boycott or the SAG-AFTRA boycott either. It’s a fact that of course over time media shifted away from the genocide in Palestine especially when America is allied with Israel. I still get plenty of real time updates of what’s been happening over there, just recently there was a video where Israeli settlers attacked a school.

Now Genshin is having another collab with McDonald’s again in America which everyone is participating in because of those oh so exclusive wings we saw apart of the KFC event with Lyney and Lynette. I myself wanted them too and hoped they would’ve been at the KFC’s in America some day or at least given out as a code for players to collect.

But no. They chose McDonald’s who has actively been funding the genocide. The genocide that others seemed to have forgotten. The genocide that they dare to say isn’t real when people—even those who play Genshin have been directly affected by. Human lives aren’t political. That person who let you into their world to farm for materials likely isn’t here anymore or stopped playing due to worrying over loved ones who are still trapped.

Many civilians lost their lives and many are still at risk. It seems that people in the Genshin community aren’t human because they have no empathy or humanity. They don’t care about anything or anyone except for themselves. They don’t care about the VAs who work their asses off for this game. They don’t care if the money they put into a collab funds a genocide that also affects people within their community. They don’t any shame, humility, or a single brain cell to process half of the racist, bigoted, and disgusting words that come out of their mouth to think “Is this really okay to say?”

They don’t care about actual people but god forbid Hoyo or someone messes with a video game character. No, they will actually physically harm someone over a video game character. That’s not even an exaggeration, that’s already happened before when someone attempted to harm someone from Hoyo (You all know who) after the Honkai Impact Bunny Girl incident.

They care more about some big breasted anime character that they would sell their own mother just to C6 that character. While some of us have crappy moms, trading human life for something that won’t even last long is just embarrassing. If you want to say I’m complaining, okay Jan whatever makes you feel better about yourself. You complain, I complain, we all complain, but there’s a limit of how much bull a sane person can take. I’m stuck in the middle of an election watching two idiots trying to out-idiot the other. I’ve invested money into this game before, I’ve enjoyed the game but I’m not selling my humanity for a game that’s not even going to last forever.

Do whatever you want with the games but for the love of whoever the heck you believe in—look in the damn mirror. Saying “Get help” and “Touch grass” is overdone to death at this point, remember that you are a human being with only ONE life. Anything can happen to where you’re laughing or screaming from losing your 50/50 to Qiqi to being bombed the next second.

You have a life outside of this game. If you have no friends or family, that’s okay—it sucks but that doesn’t mean life is over. While so much crap is happening, so many things are leaving this world. Things and people that we took for granted.

Enjoy the game, but don’t forget that you are human being with one life.

None of us are ever getting Isekai’d anytime soon so make the most with what you have left.

[arundolyn]

do you mind if i ask how you rip guilty gear animations? ive been wanting to get into ripping however there are very limited resources and few accounts are active that still rip. advice is very appreciated, thank you:)

just realized how stupid long this got right before posting so . cut

the way i do it for strive is, via unverum just for ease of use bc you can flip mod on/off at will before opening the game, get the mods that change the background of ajatar hunting ground to black/green/blue (i think it's by ultima?) and use the color of your choice (usually i use blue because black can screw with the outlines and green can cause weird lighting issues. blue can as well but it seems the least invasive of all of them to me, you can only really notice on stuff like zato bc eddie comes out sorta bluish bc he's translucent. there may be mods to help with that kind of thing but i havent looked)

pick whatever characters you want and go to training mode (unless you need something specific, like win/lose poses, of course. if it has to be during a fight you can just go to local vs with a controller and make the other character your keyboard so you dont actually have to fight) and record with OBS. pick whatever settings you think look best graphically both in strive and on OBS, idk if i can advise with those choices too well bc my hardware is beefy enough to handle max settings for stuff, ymmv

after recording, go to photoshop (doesnt matter what version, mine is ancient and ill gotten gains ive had for years. find your means. use something similar. idk) just drag the video in (no need to import it any special way) and literally just. go frame by frame copying the stuff from the animation you want into a new file and after you have all the frames go and erase it by hand. i usually use the magic eraser thing on around 50 tolerance (may need to be adjusted at times) and with anti aliasing (just cause i like the outlines not to be smooth, that also can make the "sprites" transparent and have an ugly white outline around it in gifs, do whatever you think looks good) and contiguous unchecked (contiguous just so that you dont have to go around clicking every blue/green/black spot individually, as that takes much longer. sometimes this cant be avoided, like if your character has colors too close to the background or an effect you want to keep is too close to the background color youre erasing)

additional mods i use at times are ones that turn certain characters im not focusing on invisible (like chipp or i-no, cant remember who made that one) just so i dont have to worry about cropping around another character if they do an idle animation or something, and theres one that disables lighting effects (like gio's glowies when she has full meter, or certain moves like baiken's dust or tsurane sanzu watashi) so that the gifs look nicer devoid of the like... engine based context. of that makes sense

as for XRD, i used to use a cheat table camera mod for rev that was kinda adapted from the one for sign, but since the rollback update it looks like its broken and i dont think anyone has cared much to fix it, but also havent had the time to mess around with it myself. the sign one might still work? theres a reddit thread with it out there somewhere still i think. be warned re: sign tho bc the models are kinda janky and lower quality, which probably isnt noticeable to most people but its definitely glaring to me when i moved from sign to rev. they did some major improvements on like everyone in rev

last but not least, a word of caution regarding certain things. i'd warn against trying to do any overdrives or anything that has a superflash (when the camera focuses on the character using a move, usually, like jack-o's forever elysion driver) or the strive pre move cutscene things (like baiken's tsurane sanzu watashi) as well as intro/outro cutscenes, since making them transparent not only will be a pain in the ass but probably would look weird due to the camera movement + lack of background. same goes for stuff like bursts or walk/run cycles where the character moves significantly and the camera angle might change, since not only will it be a bitch to line up correctly so it loops properly, but if the character's location or the camera angle changes it might end up looking off because the model is being viewed from a slightly different angle. not sure how obvious that would be to someone who didnt Do it but ive learned that through trial and error. might also just be perfectionism on my part. id usually get around this on xrd with the cheat table bc you could lock the model in place (but it would still move technically, which was nice if you didnt want effects like the little dust clouds when you dash getting in the way) but ive never seen anything similar for strive. from what i know it should be possible for sure, just slightly tricky to some extent and i dont really know how one would go about doing that or have the time to learn. the console for UE is locked in strive and idk if theres a way to unlock it, but that would potentially be a way to freeze models in place quick and dirty if necessary. there ARE a few camera mods out there for strive, but any model freezing aspects are just like.. full game pause, not frozen in place.

hope this is comprehensive enough to help somewhat. have a slayer

[redrocketpanda]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

hey - absolutely always okay to ask me about my favourite characters (or favourite anything's). I haven't unboxed them for some time and am frankly excited to wave them in everyone's faces again (though picking a top 10 is hardddddd - this could very easily have been a BNHA/HQ/JJK list but I restricted myself to 1 character per media)

Bakugou Katsuki (BNHA) - beloved boy, loml, star in my sky, etc etc. forever #1 of any + all lists. I adore grumpy characters who find themselves caught up in being loved into character growth by their friends, but I think the main reason he's my #1 is that I see a lot of myself in him. I too was a very angry young person with a superiority complex who went on a journey into letting others in, allowing myself to experience joy and love, and dismantling ideas of perfectionism. I don't think I'll ever truly let the pricklyness or slight god complex go though

Bokuto Koutarou (Haikyuu) - beloved boy #2 because who doesn't love Bokuto??? We are all rendered weak in the face of his endearing and endless puppy energy. I love how loving, optimistic and tenacious he is. Oh, and let's not talk about how relatable some of his other qualities are (prior to watching HQ I almost verbatim quoted a complaint Bokuto makes in a completely different context). love himmmmmmmm

Sarah Harding (The Lost World) - One of two of my biggest role models as a child/teenager. I wanted to be like Sarah so bad and had also wanted to work in animal behaviour in part bc of her. She's completely badass, and as an adult I also have a newfound appreciation for how she handles communicates + asserts her boundaries in her relationship with Ian

Padme Amidala (Star Wars) - The second of my biggest role models as a child/teenager. Leia didn't grow on me until I was older, but I was obsessed with Padme. I feel like the fandom + Episode III does her dirty, but to me I adore how intelligent, caring and assertive she is. I studied politics at college because of her!

Gojo Satoru (Jujutsu Kaisen) - Possibly my favourite of all of the shitbags that I love. I remember desperately pleading with myself to not fall on my face for Gojo during the first episode of S1 and made it until the credits... Why do I love him? He's heinously obnoxious, self-assured, hilarious, extremely powerful, and a complete walking disaster of a man.

Cristina Yang (Grey's Anatomy) - I don't watch Grey's Anatomy anymore but I used to be obsessed with it. I still own S1-6 on DVD and have very fond memories of it. I always loved Cristina for her blunt directness, self-belief, intelligence, and approach to friendships/relationships. Plus, my best friend in college identified me as a 75% Cristina/25% George personality so Cristina has also been very dear to my heart for that reason lmao

Achilles (The Song of Achilles) - It wouldn't be me if I didn't include Achilles on a list of favourites. I named my dog after Achilles because I love him so much and joked to my (poor) boyfriend that if we ever have a kid together, their middle name should be Achilles. Madeline Miller's depiction of Achilles is my favourite and love him for very similar reasons to Bakugou tbh. Give me a man filled with unbridled pride and arrogance with god-like physical prowess and I'll probably love them forever (plus also, ow my heart)

Kassandra (Assassin's Creed Odyssey) - *heart eye emoji* but fr I have such a fondness for Kassandra. She's the perfect mix of stoic big buff lady, hilariously sarcastic sense of humor, and absolute heart of gold. I love her characterisation and think she's such a fantastically written character. Plus... I want her to pick me up and cuddle me so bad

Lilo (Lilo and Stitch) - I think it's a tragedy that Lilo is often forgotten due to not being a Disney princess bc she is honestly such a wonderful character. Lilo and Stitch is one of my favourite movies, and I admire how resilient, loving, eccentric and curious Lilo is

Xandri Corelel (the Xandri Corelel series) - The Xandri Corelel is one of my favourite sci-fi series and that is, in part, bc of Xandri herself. She's the first autistic woman I encountered in sci-fi and I adored how the series explores how her autism is what makes her an excellent head of xeno-liaisons. She's also bisexual and polyamorous so even further brilliant rep for me, and tbh is just a great character all round

I tried not to write an essay but it's really hard when I could talk about these characters all day but hopefully this was vaguely fun/interesting for people to read And in case anyone is interested some of my other favourite characters who didn't quite include the top 10 include: Jirou Kyoka (BNHA), Kirishima Eijirou (BNHA), Itadori Yuji (JJK), Nishinoya Yuu (HQ), Tanaka Ryu (HQ), Kuroo Tetsurou (HQ), Miya Atsumu (HQ), Zagreus (Hades), Moana and Rapunzel (Disney), Fang Runin (The Poppy War), Kunigami Rensuke (bluelock), Bachira Meguru (bluelock), Sebastian (Stardew Valley), and Vash the Stampede (Trigun Stampede)

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Well, that was certainly 50-ish minutes. It was all just rather awful, wasn't it? I'm going to say it now, I can think of very few things to compliment about Casualty at the moment.

Of course, it centred mostly on storylines I either outright hate (e.g. anything to do with Faith) or just think haven't been handled well (e.g. the Teddy/Paige engagement). So it's likely I'd think that. Also, I would've appreciated a CW before the ep. Normally there would be one for one like this, wouldn't there?

Thank goodness for Jacob, who kept an almost unwatchable ep for me afloat. Was his character used well? Not particularly. But I'm glad he was in it at all.

I am tired, though, of Jacob only seeming to be there to comfort or reassure Iain half the time. Can't he have any storylines/scenes that centre on him for once? Can't the show care about his trauma too? It doesn't feel like it. I already ranted about that yesterday so I won't go on about it for that long again, but I'm very bitter about how Jacob's storyline seems to have been forgotten.

The random song use was terribly done and I hated it. I don't necessarily mind songtages. There were plenty of good ones on Holby. There have even been decent ones on Casualty. But this was just terrible. At least "Teardrop" is a good song, if it had been one I hated I don't know what I'd do lol. It did bring me thoughts of summer 2020 Holby, though. Summer 2020 Holby was good, I will forever keep saying that. It was certainly much better than this.

I still just feel very sorry for Natalia, and even for Iain. Faith is just horrible and I'm tired of her making everything about herself. I've been in situations emotionally similar to Natalia's before, so I understand a lot of where she's coming from and feel so sorry for her. Obviously Iain was doing the right thing by not letting her kiss him, but I do get why she must be feeling so alone and upset after that.

Casualty, what happened to the days when you were good at handling disability? Given how the Harry storyline has been handled - IMO, terribly - I'm not at all optimistic that the show will handle anything about Rida's autistic cousin well either. Which makes me sad, because when Rida first mentioned having a disabled relative I was so interested about what the storyline would be and now I'm just like "oh, it'll be handled awfully, won't it".

I miss Jade. I remember her brilliantly done centric ep.

If the Teddy and Paige breakup lasts, I'm glad. There were interesting things that could have been done with this relationship but I don't think the show has done basically any of them. The engagement was almost entirely pointless. I hope both characters get better storylines now.

Max is definitely never going to get any sort of well-done resolution to his storyline or to his ambiguous backstory, is he? His and Jodie's storyline has seemed basically irrelevant recently and surely it can't be more than a few weeks now before his exit. Sigh.

So, needless to say, I'm not very impressed this week. I can only hope next week will be better, and centre characters and storylines I like instead. And while we're at it, can Ngozi please get a storyline?