#also sorry for the niall horan lyrics i asked my friend to help me make a kimchay playlist but she was a directioner | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ghive · 4 years

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three chords ⋆ shawn mendes x reader

inspired by because i had you by shawn mendes

a/n: this is definitely not my first time writing for shawn, but it is my first time posting my work on this blog! initially, i wanted to write a few blurbs first, but this is my debut i guess! i planned this in may because i was planning on writing fics for every song on sm3, which obviously didn’t happen, but now it’s august and i’m finally done. yay for lily.

also i obviously don’t currently have a taglist but if you wanna be added you can send me an ask (or a request!) here

warnings: angst, swearing, anxiety attack

word count: 3.4k

playlist

the 1 ⋆ taylor swift

out of love ⋆ alessia cara

raindrops (an angel cried) ⋆ ariana grande

about you ⋆ fletcher

arms of a stranger ⋆ niall horan

under / over ⋆ gracie abrams

because i had you ⋆ shawn mendes

***

it’s late, but shawn’s not home. he’s been out all day at the studio; he’s been spending more time out writing and recording, so it’s not an unfamiliar situation. it’s empty, too; the air, your heart. you sit at the piano, the view of the toronto skyline almost invisible in your attempt to fill the growing void with song.

three chords, that’s all you’re playing. but you find a small comfort in the melody. it’s simple, unbothered by the tears welling in your eyes. it rings out in the room, like the buzz of the metal had as you dropped the promise ring into the dish that sat on shawn’s nightstand, just an hour earlier.

the door closes, keys jingle, footsteps sound throughout the condo. your fingers dance across the keys one more time, one last time. you’re soft, gentle, with your movements. three chords, two broken hearts, one more moment before it all breaks forever.

you turn around to look at him, hoping the darkness will conceal your glossy eyes. “hi,” you breathe out, pressure rising in your chest as you look over his shadowed face. those warm brown eyes, the scar on his cheek, the soft blush caused by the cool night air. he’s glowing, he always is, but his light is dimming. it hurts.

“it’s late, y/n. you didn’t have to wait for me,” he says, removing his jacket and hanging it up.

“i know, i wasn’t waiting. i mean, i was, but not for you,” you reply in a quiet voice, standing up from your seat at the piano.

“what were you waiting for?”

you ignore his question. “dinner’s on the counter for you to heat up. i would’ve put it in the fridge when i made it but i wasn’t sure when you’d get home.”

“i’m sorry i’m so late, baby. i just got caught up at the studio, and we were writing and lost track of time-” he rambles, explaining his absence.

“it’s okay shawn, really. go eat. i’ll be awake if you need anything,” you urge, a sad smile painted across your face. he walks to the kitchen as you head toward your bedroom. you grab your last-minute items, your purse, passport. most of your belongings are already in the car - you’re not surprised if shawn’s noticed that the condo’s just a bit more empty - but you can’t be bothered if he has.

you walk into the kitchen, bag in hand. he sits at the table, playing with his food as he fiddles with his phone. you study him for a moment, for the last time. “i, uh, i should go,” you stutter out from your place in the doorway.

he looks up with wide eyes. “where?”

“away.” you close your eyes, a tear slipping out. you feel like your world is crashing down around you, leaving you alone and exhausted.

“y/n,” he stands up, approaching you slowly. you feel like glass, even though he isn’t touching you. fragile, but sharp in the softest way only heartbreak can cause.

“you were right. the other day, on the phone with connor. you’re better off without me. i’m sorry for holding you back.” you brush your fingers across his cheeks. holding him gently, you press a kiss to his lips.

you rest your forehead against him, eyes closed, breathing synced. you step back towards the front door. “i love you,” you say, looking him dead in the eye. he’s still, silent, the situation only settling in once it’s too late. the door opens and closes, you’re gone.

“i love you, too.”

the walk to the underground parking area seems to last forever as you try not to let the tears spill from your eyes. as soon as you sit down in your car, though, a sob cuts through the cool night air.

you cover your face with your hands, salty tears rushing down your cheek and into your shaking palms. you hide away in that position, not sure from whom - maybe yourself, for a few minutes, before sitting up to lean your head back against the seat.

“maybe he’ll finally be happy,” you whisper into the darkness.

he only wishes you were right.

***

that was five months ago, and shawn’s reality is just settling in. sure, you’ve rushed to move on, forget him, but you look happy. you are happy, and you’re sure shawn is too. it’s what he wanted, after all, how could he not be?

he’s not sure how he isn’t, either. but every time he hears your name, or sees your face on a mutual friend’s social media, it gets a little harder. those five months ago, that phone call with connor, the consequences, everything’s still so clear in his mind. it burns more than his tongue when he sips his coffee too soon or touches the flame as he lights candles around the condo. it burns more than anything, and as more time passes, he just wishes he had you to soothe the pain.

his album just came out, and while you haven’t listened to it, your friends have. you don’t mind the sound of his voice, or his name. you try not to dwell on him too much, and that’s easier said than done, but you broke up for him. so, you’re trying to move on for yourself. not to mention the fact that your boyfriend would riot if you even mentioned your ex’s name, and you’re not ready to fight with him, too.

macy’s playlist is on shuffle as the two of you drive through the southern ontario countryside. it’s a calm, safe space, hardly a care in the world as you laugh at your best friend from the passenger seat. that is, until a certain voice sounds from the speakers, his voice.

“what song is this?” you ask, the first few lyrics swirling in your brain.

“because i had you, it’s one of shawn’s new songs so if you want to skip it you can.” macy smiles apologetically, not wanting to upset you.

“no, no it’s okay.”

you just listen. to the lyrics, to the melody, there's something so familiar about it. the song, it’s so obvious, is about you, about that night five months ago. the time it’s taken for you to let go, to finally find a bit of peace.

it’s all fine, maybe you felt yourself tear up just a bit, until you hear those three chords. the three chords that had echoed in the void of your heart for weeks after you left. you weren’t upset with him for using the melody, it was so simple, he probably didn’t even remember it was yours. but the song, the story, your story, you just can’t help but wonder.

***

he remembers. he remembers all of it. the shakiness of your breath before you left, the melody you were playing to make it all go away. shawn knows he should’ve asked you if he could use it in his song, but he couldn’t face you. as much as he craves you, he just has to let go.

he hopes you don’t listen to the album, that you won’t notice that almost every song he’s written since that night and years before has been about you. that when you walked out that door, he’d both gained and lost the most beautiful muse. but if you do listen to it, you’ll know. you’ll know the story, and you’ll know he’s sorry.

you know, and it hurts so much more than you could’ve imagined. in the months since the breakup, his voice had never really bothered you, but when you could tell that you caused the pain he had written about, every single word hit you a little deeper. as soon as you walk into your empty apartment, you drop your bags and collapse on the sofa.

you feel cold, even as you snuggle deeper into the cushions and you feel yourself start to sweat. you swear you can hear someone moving around you, even though your roommate is out on a business trip all week. you’re dizzy, you’re sweating, your head’s pounding. your heart starts to race, your breathing quickens. “i can’t do this right now, i can’t fucking do this,” you choke out.

you rub your hands up and down your arms to ground yourself, shutting your eyes tightly. it’s not stopping you from working up into a panic, and it definitely doesn’t help when his words sound in your head. “you’re okay, baby. i’m here. it’s just me, it’s just shawn,” he’d say to comfort you. it did comfort you, or, it used to, but this time it just sent you farther away from your peace of mind.

“but i’m not okay, and you’re not here. it’s just me.”

***

you lie in bed awake, every little sound amplified in the darkness: the buzz from the air conditioning, the flapping of your curtains, the roar of the cars from the downtown street below. it’s like the sudden return of heartbreak broke the numbness you’ve been living in, bringing you back to the harsh reality of what you used to have.

you sit up in bed, then reach over drowsily to grab your phone. the screen lights up with a picture of you and some friends at the top of the empire state building a few years ago, you had been visiting shawn on tour and met up with them while you were there. you squint slightly as your eyes adjust to the sudden brightness, 2:39 am reads the clock when you can see properly. you open your phone to the home screen before selecting the spotify app. you sigh, then type in his name. “this is probably a really bad idea.”

shawn mendes it reads, the cover of his self-titled album shining brightly into your bedroom. his face split into three, flowers growing in the empty spaces. it’s much prettier than his other two album covers, much more artistic. he’d never really had an eye for design, so you can’t imagine it had been his idea.

you press play, the first track starting to sound out loud before you pause it to grab your earbuds. once you’re settled, you start the song again, and start to hurt, again.

every song, you can tell when it was written. in my blood, you’ve heard that one before. shawn said it was one of the most vulnerable pieces he’s ever written.

nervous, it’s what he used to be like around you told through a story; not quite the same, but it’s yours. it’s the adrenaline of a young relationship, the excitement of someone new.

lost in japan, he’d written just for fun - you remember him coming home from the studio so tired but so excited, it was a new sound, and it was the start of a new era.

where were you in the morning?, it’s a situation you’re sure he’s encountered numerous times since the end of your relationship. you hadn’t heard even a bit of it before.

like to be you, it’s the exact dynamic you two always had when you were in a fight; it’s perfect. “julia michaels!” he had said that evening when he walked in the door. “i can’t wait for you to hear this song, honey.” if only you had known.

fallin’ all in you, has you in tears almost immediately: the first verse encompasses what you had, the second verse what could’ve been. you had plans, the two of you, to have a few kids, grow old together. “trapped up on a tightrope, now we’re here,” shawn sings.

“where did we get lost?” you think as the song finishes. you used to be so sure that you’d last, and he was too. you wish you knew when he fell out of love, when that promise of forever became empty.

particular taste, it’s new; you hadn’t heard it until now. the girl, whoever she is, you just wish that you could be her, even for only a moment. to have him completely mesmerized, to be that kid in love.

why, you’re not sure why it hurts you the way it does - it doesn’t even line up with your relationship, but the feeling it awakens is all too familiar. it’s like your heart had heard it in another world, waiting for the day it would run through your mind like it had your blood. the feeling confuses you, but as the song comes to a close, you close your eyes to cry a bit, too.

because i had you, there it is, that song. it’s so stupid how it breaks your heart - you thought you had gotten it all for yourself, now. yet, the song rips it to shreds, tearing away at the memories you’ve tried so desperately to let go of. he did this to himself, you think, but you wonder if you hadn’t gone, maybe neither of you would be so broken.

queen, it’s new, too. with every song you haven’t heard before, jealousy burns a little hotter. you’re glad this “queen” isn’t you, but you wish that the songs that were about you weren’t so sad.

youth, it’s cute. a nice refresher from the love songs, but nothing worth dwelling on. the message is powerful, but you’re too distracted by the love songs and heartbreak anthems to pay much attention.

mutual, you remember hearing it before. it was always fun for shawn to play with fiction, test his storytelling abilities, so when this song came around, he was more than excited to put it out. it’s a bit more basic lyrically, but the melodies and aesthetic appeal to your tired ears.

perfectly wrong, it seems innocent at first, but as the song goes on, the lyrics start to set in. it’s the story of what you and shawn were before you left - he’d probably written it around the time of the breakup. you just wish he had said it to your face.

when you’re ready, it’s probably the most sickeningly cute song you’ve ever heard. of course, it’s familiar, you’d heard him playing the melody, or something similar, just a couple of years ago. it’s clear that he’d written it early in your relationship or been inspired by that time, and it’s adorable, but it pains you to hear how hopeful you both were. you genuinely thought you would last, get married, grow old together, and it seems that shawn did, too.

you know your boyfriend won’t like that you’re listening to shawn’s music, he hates shawn more than you ever could. you can’t even say you hate him, after all, he’s the one who fell out of love. you hate that you had to leave, you hate that you’ll never look at a piano the same way again, you hate that you’ve become the muse of his heartbreak songs; but you could never hate shawn, not when you still love him more than anything.

you think maybe you’ll never get over him, they say you’ll always remember your first love. but for now you just hope that you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay like you thought he would be. it’s too late to go back for him, run back into the apartment and beg to fix your relationship. he was supposed to be your forever, but you know that dream’s long gone, you woke up to hellish flames and the screaming chaos of your mind and reality. shawn’s too far gone, and you need to stop reaching.

you’re happy with your current relationship, aesthetically, anyway. he’s there for you, and he’s supportive, and he’s lovely. his job is secure, you know that you can call and know that “soon” means a few hours, not weeks. it’s a storybook romance, he’s perfect for you, and you’re perfect for him. it should be working, and it might be if your heart wasn’t so broken, but you still feel the butterflies start to fade, and the sparks starting to cool down.

part of you, somewhere deep down, knows that you and shawn could’ve figured something out, that you should’ve; but he didn’t fight for you when you left, and you didn’t speak up when you had the chance. you were only 16 when you fell in love, just high school lovers who thought you could be more. you were young, and reckless, and hopeful. everyone warned you that it wouldn’t last, but you wouldn’t listen.

you would lie under the stars, shawn would tell you that you were meant to be forever, that those very stars had aligned perfectly for you to meet. one of those nights, you were 18, you sat in the back of his jeep. “hey babe?” shawn said, looking over at you fondly.

“what’s up?”

“i think we have one of the greatest loves of all time, truly. like nobody’s perfect, but we’re perfect for each other, y’know?”

“yeah, yeah i do know, and i agree.” you smiled, then kissed him softly. in the back of his jeep, under the stars, pretending like you’d go down in history. and for that moment in time, you thought that maybe you would.

***

your sister still asks if shawn will come back, she’s only a kid, she wouldn’t know better. but you know that he won’t, he can’t. he can write songs that’ll never see the light of day and text messages he’ll never send, but he can’t come back to you.

he can’t come back to your family, to those nights spent all together, teaching him how to make your favourite foods, dancing in the kitchen to songs he’d never heard. he can’t come back to sitting at the large, round table to eat the meal that he could never get quite right, but always tasted perfect because he had put so much love and care into trying.

you want to forget so desperately, you can’t take seeing his honey eyes staring back at you when you’re trying to fall asleep, the ache you feel when you sit down at a piano. he haunts you, living in the depths of your mind and the sharpness of your breath. you want to tell him to go away, leave you in peace. but he lingers, as does his power over you.

shawn’s trying to move on, too. but in the eyes of every one-night stand, every failed date, you’re right there. you’re not his, and he knows it all too well. he has to let go, he has to, but he doesn’t. he knows he broke your relationship, that he was just upset and confused and it ruined his life. he wants to text you, at least tell you he’s sorry.

but right now he’s staring up at the ceiling of his apartment, another woman beside him, curled up in his sheets. she’s beautiful, dark eyes to match the warm brown of her skin. she glows in the morning sunlight, long eyelashes fluttering slightly with every slow breath.

she’s kind, and warm, and loving. she’s supportive when shawn needs her, and she can take care of herself without his constant attention. from afar, she’s everything shawn needs and has ever needed, but to shawn, she’ll never be just right for him, because she’s not you.

he looks down at his shirtless chest, gently pulling the covers off his side of the bed. he pulls on his boxers, a pair of basketball shorts next. he looks back at her, watching as she opens her eyes slightly, a small yawn leaving her plump lips.

she reaches over to the other side of the bed, but when she feels the empty space, she fully opens her eyes. shawn’s standing in the doorway of the bedroom, now fully-clothed, but exhausted.

“you good?” she asks, bringing the sheets up with her to cover her bare chest as she sits up against the headboard.

“i’m so sorry,” shawn chokes out. “i just can’t love you the way you want me to. i want to but i can’t-“ he shuts his eyes tightly, “-i can’t.”

“it’s her, isn’t it?”

“yeah, yeah it is.”

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 28

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k - 4.3k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: filler chapter again sorry! but i tried to make it cute! i didnt plan a sex scene but its there sooo yea haha lol

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : 2 requests! i hope i wrote them right! love them btw! please keep sending them!!!

Chapter 28 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I thought we would have sex before we went to bed but I must have fallen asleep faster than I wanted to. Niall also probably undressed me because when I woke up in the middle of the night, I was wearing his shirt and nothing else. I smiled, keeping my eyes closed, and brought my shoulder closer to my nose. It smelled like him even if he probably didn't wear it for too long since he had a buttoned shirt at the wedding. I turned around in bed, trying to reach him with my arm but he wasn't there and I let out a short whimper before forcing myself to open my eyes.

The room was dark and quiet and it made a shiver run in my back. I got up and realized his shirt was a bit short. I searched through my stuff for a clean pair of panties and put it on before quietly getting out of the room. Everything was dark except for a very low and warm light in the living room. I walked slowly closer and leaned against the wall when I saw Niall sitting on the couch. He was writing very quickly in his notebook and he was so concentrated that he didn't even notice me. It was always special for me to see him when he seemed to be so deep in his thoughts that no one could get in his bubble. His hair was a mess and once in a while, he ran his hand in it, making the mess even worse. I stared at him for a while as he kept his focus on the paper, wearing only his boxers and making me realize he probably woke up in the middle of the night with an idea that he couldn't let go of. Something that he knew he wouldn’t remember in the morning but that he just had to write about.

I didn't know how long I stayed there but I didn't want to interrupt him or distract him. I just walked back to the room after a while and lied down in bed, looking at the ceiling. I couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened to me in the past few months and somehow, I felt like everything was going for the better. The more time passed, the more It seemed like I was discovering who I was and what I wanted.

It was so obvious that what I wanted was Niall but more than that, what I really wanted was a healthy relationship with Niall. I wanted us to be the kind of couple that would drip with sweetness but that also could spend time without each other without going crazy. I wanted him to be my best friend but not my only friend and I didn't want either of us to be afraid, insecure, jealous or unhappy. I knew I was asking a lot, and I knew not everything could be perfect all the time, but I knew Niall and I together could come very fucking close to perfection.

I tried to stay awake until he came back to sleep but once again, I probably had fallen asleep despite myself because when I woke up again, the sun was already up and I had a small headache. I groaned and this time, I knew he was still in bed. I could feel the warmth of his body close to mine and I turned in the sheets, wrapping my arm around his back. His cheek was flat against the mattress just like his chest and I watched him sleep, his lips parted and slightly twisted as he let out a low snore. Fuck, he was so hot and I just stared at him with my eyes half-open for a few minutes, or maybe 15? 20? Who knew?

When I realized how bad I needed to pee, I finally got up very slowly, making sure I wouldn't wake him up. He was always up before me but I knew he had been up a big part of the night to write something and I wanted him to get the rest he needed and clearly deserved.

I made coffee and stayed next to the coffee machine as I watched it fall down, yawning a few times before adding cream and sugar in my cup. I couldn't stop thinking about him going on tour and being separated from him for weeks and it made something twist in my chest. Of course, I didn't want to be the girl who would follow him everywhere. I was not that girl anymore. I was not dependent of the man I loved, and I had stuff to do and commitments, too. We were about to start filming the new season of my tv show and although I dreaded playing with Dylan I knew it was something we had to do. It would be awkward at first, for sure, but in the end, I knew he was professional and I promised myself I would be, too.

I finished my coffee but left the cup in the sink before walking to the living room. It was supposed to be a lazy day and I was surprised my head didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, or that I wasn't nauseous at all despite all the champagne I had drank the night before.

I sat on the couch and pushed the stuff on it to find the remote. It showed that I was spending time at Niall's : his place had never been so messy and I suddenly felt guilty. I finally found the remote but looked at it before sighing, putting it back on the coffee table as I took the decision to clean a bit while he was still asleep. Something caught my attention and even if I knew I shouldn't, I grabbed hos notebook to the page it was opened and started reading. Niall rarely shared his writing with random people until it was a final product and all the songs I had heard was because I had crept on him somehow. I was not proud of it but at the same time, he never really seemed angry about it. I remembered that time when we were all at his place and I had followed the sound of his guitar until I practically fell in the room like a loser as he was playing a song. At that time, I had thought it was about Heidi but now that I knew it was about me, I wished I could remember what the lyrics were. All I could remember was that I had deeply hoped that it was for me. That thought made something twist in my chest and I licked my lips before letting my eyes roam on the words I was probably not supposed to see.

"I want the world to witness When we finally say I do It's the way you love I gotta give it back to you I can't promise picket fences Or sunny afternoons But, at night when I close my eyes"

A lot of words seemed to be scratched a few times and then I could read something that seemed like a chorus.

"Yeah, I see us in black and white Crystal clear on a star lit night In all your gorgeous colors I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life See you standing in your dress Swear in front of all our friends There'll never be another I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life"

I swallowed and ran my fingers on the ink, feeling the tiny rifts and bumps in the paper and feeling my heart beating so fast in my chest that I had a hard time to breathe.

"Now, we're sitting here in your living room Telling stories while we share a drink or two And there's a vision I've been holding in my mind We're 65 and you ask "When did I first know?" I always knew."

And just when I thought it was probably not about me, I saw a word that was also scratched at the end of the lyrics and I could swear it started with a capital O. I grabbed the notebook, moving it up and putting the simple sheet where the song was written in the light. It appeared clearly. My name at the bottom. I didn't know why it was crossed out and I was not sure I wanted to know. but as I re-read the lyrics for the tenth time, I couldn't lie to myself anymore. It was a wedding song.

After a few minutes, I finally started moving again. I cleaned the living room, washed the dishes, started laundry and even started cleaning the windows. All while thinking about the song, the lyrics hitting inside my brain and doing something incredible to my heart : something I hadn't felt ever before. I would never tell him but if Niall asked me to marry him at this exact moment, I would say yes. Was it because of the great time we had the night before? Or maybe because we were so happy together these days? I had no idea. But I knew I'd say yes in a heartbeat. Tomorrow, I couldn't tell you what my answer would be but today? It would be a million times yes.

I saw him walk behind me in the reflection of the now extra clean windows and my lips immediately curled. He placed himself behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and leaning his chin on my shoulder, and suddenly, I felt so much better than I did only a few minutes ago, even if I was still happy before.

"You should have waken me up." he whispered in my ear. "I would have helped you. Especially that you're cleaning wearing only a shirt and panties. I'd love to see you on all four as you clean the floor."

I laughed and raised my nose up as he kissed a spot near my ear. It was not only my love for him that made my heart jump when he was near, it was more than that. It was who he was, who I hoped he would always be.

"Tell me you'll always do that, that you'll always say things like that."

He pulled away slightly and turned his head more to look at me. I waited for his answer but he was waiting for me to look at him and I gave in, my eyes finally meeting his.

"Hold you? Kiss you? Tell you that I love and lust you?" he asked low, raising his eyebrows. I bit my bottom lip and nodded. "I promise. I swear. You have my words. And my heart. And my body, soul and mind."

My traits softened and I turned in his arms to face him, wrapping mine around his neck, moving my chin up to kiss him. He pushed me gently against the window as we kissed and I felt my butt press against it, making me chuckle.

"I'm gonna have to clean that window again." I let out with a smile as he chuckled against my lips.

"Or, you know, we can leave it like that." he proposed, shrugging a shoulder. "Your butt print seems like a nice decoration."

I'm the one who laughed this time. "You? Leaving a dirty window without touching it? Who are you trying to fool, Horan?"

"Don't call me that." he just said in a serious tone, raising his eyebrows.

"Or what?"I asked, teasing him with a sassy voice.

"Or I'm gonna tickle you." he pointed out, making my heart skip a beat. "I'm gonna tickle you until you beg me to stop."

"Sure, Horan." I tried to provoke him, putting emphasis on his last name.

He stared at me for a few seconds but suddenly and quickly, he picked me up and brought me to the couch. I was surprised that he could actually support my weight and he finally let me fall on the couch as I bounced on the cushions but he quickly straddled me, grabbing my wrists and pulling them over my head. When was the last time we played like that? It had been so long I couldn't remember.

"Apologize now." he ordered, looking down at me.

I could feel his grip tighten on my wrists and I licked my lips. "Never."

"Last chance." he let out, making me smirk.

"Bite me, Horan."

Quickly, he brought his free hand to my waist and started tickling me. Immediately, I started squirming, trying to get out of his grip as I let out a few high pitched yells. It made him laugh and it made me remember how much I hated to be tickled. After a while, he stopped and my lips parted as I started panting.

"You looking like that? God. Makes me want to tie you up and have my way with you."

I let out a short laughter and he started tickling me again until I started screaming his name.

"Niall! Niall stop! I c-can't!"

He did as I asked and smirked. "Beg me." he let out, shaking his eyebrows. "Apologize and beg me."

"Mm, I'm so sorry, Niall." I whispered with puppy eyes. "Please I'm begging you, stop tickling me?"

"Don't you fucking pout like that, it makes me want to fuck your mouth."

I laughed louder this time, tilting my head back slightly and closing my eyes as I felt his hand run up my breasts.

"And you say I'm the horny one!"

"Heyyy!" he argued with a frown. "I fingered you last night and I didn't cum at all, remember?"

My smirk disappeared and I just smiled at him. "You want to cum now?"

He groaned and raised his nose up. "I feel like all we do is fuck."

I shrugged and he finally let go of my wrists. I brought my hands to his pants and slid one in them, raising my eyebrows again but in surprise this time.

"You went commando?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he reached for my shirt and moved it up to expose my breasts as I took his cock out of his pants, stroking him slowly with both my hands. He breathed in and then out, letting out a very short whimper and one of his hands moved back to reach between my legs. He moved two of his fingertips on my panties, brushing against my clit and I pressed my lips together. I tried to focus on what my hands were doing and spit on his cock before running my fingers right under his tip. He groaned and brought his hand back to grab one of my breasts hard and I started stroking him harder.

"That feels so fucking good." he admitted, running his thumb on my nipple. "I tried doing that to myself and it just doesn't work. It has to be your hands."

I didn't tell him but it probably could have been anyone's hands except his and even if he probably knew it, I didn't want to point it out just in case. He took his cock in his hands, making me hold my breath and take my hands away and quickly, he tapped his cock on my tits before rubbing his tip on my nipples.

"Please, petal, push your tits together."

My heart jumped so high in my chest that I had to swallow it back.

"Niall, I don't think my boobs are big enough to-"

"Do it." he cut me.

I bit my bottom lip and did as he asked, just watching him spit in his hand and rub his cock again. My lips parted when he put his cock between my breasts and he was so focused on what he was doing that he didn't even look at me again. I could pretend otherwise but watching him using me to cum was actually exciting and when he groaned, I pressed my thighs together as I felt my pussy throb. I loved the feeling of his cock sliding quickly between my breasts and the thought in itself was driving me insane. After a while, he took his dick back in his hand and started jerking off harder until his lips parted.

"Jesus Christ." he whispered as I held my breath.

He shook slightly over me, moaning low as his cum spurted on my chest and breasts. I just remained motionless as he came down from his high, letting out a low 'fuck" and rubbing his tip on my nipples again, spreading his cum on me.

He sighed and sat on me, putting his cock back in his pants as I stared at him and he shook his head.

"I'm so.. so sorry. I was just so..."

"Horny? Yea I noticed." I chuckled, letting my lips curl as he finally looked back at me.

"I didn't really give you much attention, did I?" he asked, raising his nose up. I could read guilt on his face and my lips curled. "I'm sorry, pet."

"I'm just... I'm glad I made you cum. Didn't think that would be so exciting, but it was." I admitted, pulling my shirt back over my breasts as he laughed. "Also didn't think it was possible with my boobs."

"Your boobs are perfect." he pointed out before getting up and holding his hand out for me.

I put my hand in his and his fingers gripped mine as he helped me get up, letting his eyes roam on my face. He bent down to kiss me and I closed my eyes at the way it made my heart jump in my chest.

"Lazy day yea?" he proposed in a breath, his mouth still pressed against mine. "You go take a shower and I'll close all the curtains, find a good tv show to binge on netflix, and order something, chinese maybe?"

I nodded quickly and smiled. "That sounds perfect."

I took a quick shower and put on a pair of his sweatpants and one of his shirts and when I got back in the living room, he had brought pillows and blankets, a few beers and was waiting for me with the remote in hands. I stared at him for a while, just trying to live the moment and realize how lucky I was, before finally sitting next to him. He looked up at me with a smile and I pushed the pillows away to lean against his chest as his back was against the side of the couch. His legs were spread but they moved a bit close to both my sides, kind of to trap me close to him. He tried to put the blanket over us and I helped him before squirming slightly to be more comfortable.

"Hey, watch the goods, yea?"

I laughed but still took care of where I was moving and he wrapped one of his arms around me.

"Remember this spot because food will be there in half an hour and we're gonna have to do it all over again." he said, making me groan and making him laugh. "Seriously though, it feels good to have you here with me just to have a lazy day."

I felt my heart swell and smiled more, turning to kiss his jaw gently. He looked down and his lips met mine and he deepened the kiss just as the first episode of a series we both wanted to watch started.

"How will I be able to focus on anything but you today, mm?" I let out, half-joking.

He rolled his eyes with a low chuckle and we both focused on the tv for a while. I groaned when the doorbell rang and he laughed again. I sat up to let him get up and when he came back with the food, I realized how hungry I was. we ate again in silence but I couldn't stop glancing at him. There was something endearing in the way he used his chopsticks to push the noddles in his mouth and I only realized I was staring when he turned his gaze to me and chuckled. I blinked a few times and looked away as he swallowed his food.

"It's okay, you can stare. I stare at you too, you know. You just don't notice."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and put my food away.

"Just like I stared at you for about twenty minutes in the middle of the night." I confessed, making him frown. "You were sitting here, in only your boxers, and you were writing. You were so focused on what you were doing that you never noticed me."

I couldn't add that I had found him gorgeous with his messy hair and his tired eyes. I couldn't say that I had felt a wave of love so strong that I almost started crying. I couldn't tell him that because it still embarrassed me to be so in love with him. Not because I didn't want to be, but because I was scared I would end up losing him again.

His lips curled into a smile and he pushed the air out of his lungs. "I was writing a song. For you. About you."

My lips crashed against his and he replied to the kiss quickly, pushing his tongue deep in my mouth as I whimpered. He didn't know that I had read it and I suddenly felt guilty but he literally confirmed that his lyrics were about me and somehow, it made me ecstatic. So ecstatic that I surprised myself wishing he'd ask me to marry him as soon as our lips would part.

"I didn't know if I should tell you but, Olivia, I'm so happy we're both single right now. I know it's wrong to say that but fuck, I'm happy with you. Just you and I. No guilt, no stress, no question. You and me, living this moment."

I kissed him again, not knowing what to answer. I was happy too. I was happier than I had ever been, even before we broke up, and I didn't want anything to change. I didn't want to jinx this by claiming my happiness out loud. I didn't want to risk this happiness with an official relationship because last time didn't end well. It was ridiculous. All my fears made no sense, but it didn't make them vanish to know that.

"I love you, Niall." I whispered, leaving small kisses slowly on his mouth, jaw and cheeks. "I love you more than anything. No one is you."

He finally let go of his chopsticks to cup my face and he breathed in before his mouth found mine again.

"I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life." he murmured quickly before kissing me again.

My heart jumped when I recognized the lyrics and it made me wonder how often he talked to me with his own lyrics. I wanted to hear all of them. One time, twice, three times... a hundred fucking times. I wanted him to play me all the songs that were for me, to sing them, to whisper them, to yell them. I wanted him to make love to me while he'd do it, to hold my hand as we walked outside as he'd sing, to fucking marry me as he'd yell. I wanted him to claim his love for me until I'd be tired to hear it. And deep down, I knew I'd never be.

"I have a weekend left before I leave for tour." he just said sadly, breaking my heart. "I thought we could leave. Pack a bag, take the road, only you and me, for a few days."

My lips curled so much that my cheeks started hurting and I quickly nodded. I really wanted to spend quality time with him while it was still possible and I kissed his lips again.

"That's a yes?" he made sure as I nodded. "Okay then, we're leaving in 3 days. So cancel all the plans you had."

I laughed and licked my lips, licking his at the same time because of the proximity of our mouths.

"Niall? I'm sorry, I had planned to spend all my days with you but this super hot guy just asked me on a road trip so I'm gonna have to rain check."

He laughed and shook his head slightly. "Dork."

He pulled away slightly to stare at me as we completely forgot the show playing. I grabbed the remote and put it on pause before looking back at him and tilting my head. I needed him more than I ever needed him before and it was scaring me so bad I could feel my heart trying to escape my rib cage in intense thumps.

"Tell me you love me." I whispered as I bit my bottom lip nervously. "Please, Niall."

His face changed and he moved closer. I thought he'd kiss me again but instead, he got serious and I felt him grab my hands.

"I love you, Olivia. I'm in love with you. I never stopped, not one second. And I never will. Do you want me to repeat it every day? At which frequency? Every 6 hours? 4 hours? Two? I'll put a damn alarm on my phone to tell you in the middle of the night if I have to." he said in a soft tone. "I know it was different when we dated, but I will never let you believe that you are not perfect the way you are, that you are not everything I want and need, or that you are not loved. Never again. I swear, Olivia. I fucking love you."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #yam #i liked the chapter and now idk why but i dont anymore

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queen-rogah · 5 years

Text

Heartbreak Weather (part 1)

Roger Taylor x Reader

Series Summary: It's the story about the unexpected love between you and Roger Taylor that had lasted through thick and thin, through the challenges and darkness as you both find a way to prove that love is unbreakable...

In this part: Roger just broke up with his long-term girlfriend through the phone just minutes before his performance with the band, then in the same night, he never knew that his broken heart will recover again...

Warnings: language, mild fluff, mild angst

Word Count: 4.4k+ words

Note: First part of the Heartbreak Weather series coming thru! This is actually based from Niall Horan's new album called "Heartbreak Weather" wherein I will use the titles of the songs in the albums as the other parts of this series. Hope you're all excited about this as much as I do. Gifs are not mine, all credits to the owner!

PS. STREAM HEARTBREAK WEATHER BY NIALL HORAN, it's a great album, it's definitely worth a listen!

QUEENROGAH’S MASTERLIST

PART ONE: “HEARTBREAK WEATHER”

NOVEMBER 19, 1974 - RAINBOW THEATRE: LONDON, ENGLAND

They unloaded the trucks as the roadies rushes in and started pushes the different equipments they needed for the tour. The band also arrived on time for sound checks as they led them inside the theatre. They have their eyes locked on the lights around the stage and how spacious this place is. It's been days that the Sheer Heart Attack tour had started and their adrenaline during the tour is getting much stronger because of the people's energy inside the venue and how they sing right back to them the lyrics of their songs. Especially when the sophisticated melody of Killer Queen will play from Freddie's piano. The crowd will definitely go crazy.

After the soundcheck, the band made their way inside the dressing room to get ready for tonight's show. Different people also got inside the room to take care of them. Freddie sat by the corner to let them fix his hair, Brian also fixes his hair, Deacy and Roger were by the rack of clothes to look for their outfit tonight.

Then Roger found this golden vest that will definitely shimmer underneath those lights on stage.

"Roger, you're next!." Brian shouts from the other side of the room.

The drummer put the vest back in the clothes rack to make his way to Paloma, the band's new hair stylist who really have a huge personality.

"How are you Mr. Taylor?." Paloma spoke to him as she took her equipment and started cutting off the excess hairs out of his blonde locks.

"I'm fine love, and please...call me Roger, Mr. Taylor doesn't fit me." Roger replied and Paloma nods that him.

"Okay...Roger." She said as she fixed his hair, brushing it down and put on some hairspray. Paloma soon stood in front of the drummer to fix his hair up front.

Roger never stopped himself staring at her breasts just inches away from him.

"You're staring again Roger." Paloma chuckles as he tore his eyes away from her and put up a smirk.

"Can't help it love, it's right in front of me." Roger laughs and just in time Paloma finished fixing his hair. The drummer left the chair and soon took off his top and put on a robe.

He picked the black leather pants from the clothes rack as he finally changed. Deacy is also in a robe, next to Brian's red special, while Brian is lounging beside him with still the same clothes he's in when they arrived.

Roger borrowed a polaroid from one of the staffs as he played around with it

Roger borrowed a polaroid from one of the staffs as he played around with it. Taking different pictures here and there like Freddie getting his makeup done, Brian now standing in front of the mirror and Deacy on the couch. Roger sat down on the vacant space on the couch beside Deacy where Brian is earlier and put down the Polaroid as he let the bassist look at the pictures too.

A flash goes off in front of them as they look at Brian pointing the camera at the both of them, the guitarist soon showed them the picture. Only Deacy caught the camera but Roger didn't, he's too busy looking at those pictures in his hands.

Only Deacy caught the camera but Roger didn't, he's too busy looking at those pictures in his hands

"I'll keep these for my scrapbook back home. Maybe it'll make a good use in the future." Roger said as he also took the polaroid picture from Brian and put it inside his bag that is on the floor. He also reached over for a cigarette as he light it up with his lighter, inhaling the smoke to calm himself down.

"Ten minutes boys!." They finally announces.

The adrenaline came in again.

Freddie faces the mirror for his finishing touches, Brian also stood beside him as he fixes his hair. Deacy changed into his clothes while Roger finally puts on his vest. Brian had his guitar with him, Deacy also had his bass and Freddie is now warming up his voice.

The crowd of 3,000 people of the Rainbow Theatre awaits them again.

"Boys, let's have a mini rehearsal before we go on stage." Freddie told them as they huddle together in a small circle as Freddie started singing. Brian was playing his guitar to catch the melody.

"Roger," Paloma suddenly called him as he turn his look to her, "Telephone." She points on the telephone that's on hold as he approaches to the phone.

"Hello?." Roger speaks. There was silence at first, until he heard a sigh from the other line.

"Roger..."

That voice sends his heart into beating loudly in his chest as a smile appears on his lips.

"Reese, love, why did you call? Missed me already?." Roger teased her long-term girlfriend who's waiting on him back in the shared home with her.

"Yeah, I miss you...I really do." She replied back, but how she said that sounded sad or tired.

Roger noticed that.

"It's unusual to hear you in that tone of your voice Reese, is something wrong? Did someone hurt you? Did you–"

"–I'm fine Roger, it's just...I...I missed you, that's all." Her laugh was strained and sounded fake, and it feels like she's holding something back.

"Reese...you already know that I don't like you lying to me." Roger sighs, not believing on what his girlfriend just said.

He really wants to know the truth behind those words.

But she fell into silence again, like she did earlier.

Only the sound of Freddie singing and Brian strumming his guitar behind him is what he hears.

"Reese–"

"–Roger, I can't do this anymore." She sobs and Roger paused for a second as her words replayed in his mind.

"What...what do you mean you can't do this anymore? Reese, have you been drinking?..." Roger turned paranoid and the other's noticed his tone of voice changing as their noises died down.

"No, I haven't been drinking Roger and I'm telling you that truth that I really can't do this anymore. Aren't you even tired on our fights, our lives living together and even in our relationship. Aren't you already tired Roger?." She asked.

Her words broke the drummer's heart in pieces.

"I was never tired for you Reese because I love you so much. Even though I come home from a tiring tour and fight about something didn't made me turn my back to you. Unless you're just the only one who's turning your back on me. You're throwing away our relationship with just those nonsense words Reese. I love you and think of the words you've been saying." Roger pleaded.

"I'm tired Roger and let's accept the fact that we should part ways and respect our decisions–"

"–why? Is being with me is the biggest mistake of your life? Is moving in with me the biggest regret of your life? Or you're just too heartless about it?." Roger now angrily asked her and Reese was tongue tied for a second.

"I respect you so much Roger and I deserve your fury but you also have to accept that I'm breaking up with you..." Reese tried to calm him up but he was already angry.

"You're breaking up with me through the phone Reese! This is the most impractical thing you ever did! Why all of the sudden? Did you...met somebody else?." His voice shakes when he asked the last sentence.

She gave him the silent treatment again.

"Reese answer me." He commands.

"Yes, I've been seeing someone else Roger." She whispers, her voice so small but Roger heard her.

"For how long?." He asked. Tears were already forming around his eyes, he never imagined this time with her because he thought Reese was the one for him since they were dating for 6 years now.

"5 months." Reese sobs, "I'm so sorry Roger, I...I can't deal with this anymore, I felt like we’ve been parting ways even though we're blind to see it–"

"–no Reese, you're the only one who's parting it's way here. I'm holding on so much into this relationship because I loved you so much. I tried to change my ways for you because you want me to change up my habits, but turns out everything isn't enough for you. My love for you is never enough." The drummer replied to her as he hangs up the phone. He noticed the room being silent as he knew everyone was listening to his conversation with Reese.

"Are you...okay Roger? Did something happened between you and Reese?." Brian asked.

"I don't give a fuck anymore." He mutters and took his drumsticks before leaving the room without dismissing himself.

Three minutes before their performance and Roger is already pissed off, his excitement faded out after that phone call.

What a great way to start a fucking show.

...

"You promise you'll pick me up? Don't worry, I'll be paying for your drinks when we get there." You pace around the room while speaking to your bestest friend since highschool. Eleanor had been planning this night out for weeks now since she came back home from California for a year.

"I'm also bringing Kelsey and Cleo with us too, remember those girls?." She squeals.

Kelsey and Cleo. The girls you've known in Physics class in highschool. You remember them being the smartest people in that school.

"Yeah, I remember them. It's been years that I didn't saw them. Maybe the last time I was with them is the highschool graduation, since we all parted ways for college." You replied.

Eleanor, Kelsey and Cleo went to the same university, a very well-known university outside the city. Well, you stayed behind, enrolled to a university in the city and pursue in learning accountancy.

Now you're working in a small accounting firm that pays you well.

Enough to pay your own bills.

"Now I'm going to call them for this mini reunion. Wear the sexiest clothing you've ever hand in your closet right now then I'll pick you up by 8pm later. Bye Y/N!." Eleanor said as she finally hangs up.

You made your way towards your closet as you go through your clothes, pulling out some of the clothes you mostly wear in parties or social events, but one thing had made you stop when you finally saw it again here. It's the deep v-neck sequined top that you bought last year. You haven't used that top since you bought it and now you think this is the opportunity to wear it. For the first time.

Not caring about your insecurity.

You took the top and lay it on your bed, along with your high rise black denim flares and your old gold sequin pumps–that you managed to find in your shoe rack–and there's only an hour left for you to get ready before Eleanor would pick you up. You didn't styled your hair that much and just let it down, but you focused on your makeup. After all your work on your face, you look at yourself in the mirror–your eyes have been enhanced by the bronze eyeshadow and eyeliner, your contour brings out your cheekbones more–one last thing, you applied the strawberry flavored lip gloss, and now you’re good to go.

You put your planned outfit, even though you’re unsure about how much skin you’re revealing with the sequin top. Your back and cleavage on full display, hoping no creep will come up to you to where Eleanor will lead you. You look over to your clock to see it’s already 8pm, thinking that Eleanor will come up late again and that will take you some time to think if this outfit will be the one you’ll be wearing for the rest of the night.

Until you heard a loud honk outside your apartment.

Eleanor’s not late, very unusual.

So you just took your white fur coat and put it on, buttoned up to conceal your top that is already a small regret that you wore it. You grab your bag and left your place, Eleanor’s car is parked as her window rolled down, “Are you ready for tonight missy?.” Eleanor shouts from her car, not caring about your neighbors.

You step inside the car laughing to see Cleo in the backseat and Kelsey in the passenger seat beside Eleanor wearing their most fashionable and quite revealing outfits, “Hi guys, how are you?.” You sat beside Cleo as you put your seatbelts on. Eleanor finally drives away from the cul-de-sac and to where she will lead you all.

“Great! I don’t know if how many years that we haven’t see each other and now, you’re a view Y/N.” Cleo said as she also complimented you as you blushed a bit.

“–in short you’re hot Y/N.” Kelsey added in the conversation.

You truly missed these girls.

“Thank you ladies, you all looked beautiful too!,” You exclaim then soon look at Eleanor through the rear view mirror, “How about you El?.” You asked her.

“I’m doing great too because all that I’m thinking of that we are all getting shitfaced tonight.” She smirks at you through the rear view mirror as you took a deep breath.

Tonight will be a long night.

…

Everything is a mess to Roger tonight.

After that sudden break-up with his girlfriend, his mood and energy for the whole performance night went downhill and he officially lost it when the power went out–not once but twice in the venue earlier and the production team is pissing them off. Not just Roger, but also to the other boys. The whole band doesn’t feel like performing to the people tonight, so when the show has come to an end, Roger hits the last beat of the song on the drums and kicks off the drumset across the stage–good thing that Freddie saw what he’s going to do and immediately moved out of the way as he says his thank you to the crowd, he also pulled Deacy with him while he’s still bowing down for the people. They are all disappointed about tonight’s show, and Roger was disappointed, angry and heartbroken.

He already entitled this night the worst night of his life.

They got inside the dressing room again to dry up their sweat and change up into their comfortable clothes.

“Tonight’s show is a load of bollocks.” Roger said in anger while looking at himself in the mirror.

“It is, the power interruption really pisses me off.” Brian also said in pure irritation.

“And Roger, you almost killed me when you throw off your drums in the stage. Mind telling me a warning next time.” Freddie said to the drummer as he just heard him scoffed.

“But we still did our best for the show, I just don’t want for this incident to happen again.” Deacy added as he glares at Roger who’s already sitting on the couch while looking down on the floor–his brows furrowed.

The band fell in silence while they’re only hearing the chatters of the staffs outside the dressing room.

Freddie claps his hand as he stood up from the chair he’s sitting on, “I heard there’s a nightclub just blocks away from here–“

“–well then we’re going there.” Roger immediately replied as he also stood up from the couch.

Freddie widen his eyes at the drummer and let’s out a chuckle before calling the other roadies and staffs to come with them in the nightclub he’s talking about. They left the theatre and drive to where it is to see multiple people already in line to get inside the place–maybe some of these people just came from the show that’s why when they left the vehicle, they recognized them as they wave at their direction, calling out their names to get noticed–mostly women as they mostly call on Roger’s attention.

They let the band in without falling in line with the people as they were welcomed by the scent of alcohol in the air–maybe not just alcohol. The roadies that they invited managed to find a booth for the band to sit in. Freddie was eyeing a lot of people in the crowd, Brian was talking to some fan while walking to the booth, Deacy was also talking to a fan and Roger is already holding a drink that was given by a fan earlier. They gave them multiple drinks and drank it one-by-one, Roger planned to get drunk tonight, to get the heartbreak with Reese out of his head.

In just a matter of minutes in the club, Freddie was already enjoying himself in the dancefloor with Deacy and other people, then Brian was talking to a girl in the booth and Roger already have two good-looking ladies on his sides with their hands roaming around his body. The red-head is seducing him and the blonde was non-stop touching him.

Roger again ordered another round of shots with the ladies.

…

It’s been 20 minutes since you’re still in this line for the club that Eleanor took you all to. She said that this club has the best drinks and the strongest shots–she’s really serious about getting shitfaced tonight. The entrance is getting closer, then suddenly the people in front starts to cheer and heard them calling out some names but you don’t understand since they’re talking all at once. Eleanor, Kelsey and Cleo are also dumbfounded to what’s happening right now.

“Excuse me, can you tell what’s happening and why are the people shouting so loud? Is there a club fight?.” Eleanor taps on the girl in front of her as she turns around.

“Queen is here!.” The girl responds.

“Queen Elizabeth is here?.” You asked and Eleanor loudly laughed at your remark, the girl also laughed along with her.

“No darling, she means that the band named Queen is here. You know, the band that sang…I don’t know…Killer Queen I think?.” Eleanor said as you nod your head. You mentally cursed at yourself thinking about the Queen of England going to club like this. You’ve forgotten that there’s actually a band that calls themselves Queen.

“Oh fuck–I’m sorry I’m so stupid.” You laughed at yourself.

Eleanor accepted your apology as you talk about other things again while you’re still in line. Ivy–the girl you’ve talked to earlier already are comfortable with the three of you and she’s going to the club all by herself, that’s why you all adopted her in your group. When it’s finally your turn to get inside the club, Eleanor shouted fucking finally as you all stepped inside the club filled with people already dancing and drinking different alcohols. The humid of the room is making you uncomfortable with the fur coat you’re wearing but you still didn’t decide to take it off. Your self-confidence is still hiding. Eleanor took you all in the bar, ordering tequilas as the starter. She made a toast as you all brought your drinks up in the air and drank the tequila. It all goes on with more stories, gossips, drinks and round of shots. Kelsey and Cleo are already dancing in the dancefloor, Eleanor is talking to a man while you’re just watching the girls dancing to the music. Some men tried to give you free drinks but you’re thanking God nobody has ever pushed you to your limits. You just got free drinks and someone to talk to.

They also didn’t know how to flirt.

And if they did, you didn’t know how to flirt back too.

After all of those things, more and more people entered the club and beads of sweats are already forming in your temple as you wipe it away with some table napkins in the bar. The fur coat really is making you officially uncomfortable. Thinking now it’s the time to take it off.

Your fingers found the buttons of the coat as you want to take it off, but you were interrupted with Cleo’s drunken self walking back with some man you don’t know but they looked like good friends.

“There she is! Y/N, I want you to meet John!.” Cleo shouts through the blaring music.

He gave you small smile as you come up for a handshake, “Hi John, nice to meet you! I’m Y’N, as Cleo already said earlier.” You smiled at him as he shakes your hand.

“John Deacon, nice to meet you–“

You stopped as you heard him say his name, “–wait, are you from Queen?.” You guessed.

He chuckles and nod his head, “I am, I’m the bassist of the band, yeah.” He approves as you gape at Cleo who’s arm was wrapped around his own too.

“So uh, how did you two know each other? Cleo never mentions she knows somebody who’s famous.” You asked, feeling interested.

“Well, I met Deacy in college because we’re taking the same classes in electrical engineering course and we became close when he became my partner in a project.” Cleo responds.

You didn’t know Cleo studied electrical engineering in college.

“By the way, I’m not just here to introduce Deacy to you, he calls us to sit with them in their booth. The other members of Queen will definitely be there,” Cleo stops mid-sentence as she hiccups and laughed at herself. Even John laughed too, “I’m sorry about that, so, since you’re the only one who’s here and I don’t know where the fuck did the others go, you’re coming with us.”

You nod your head as you followed Cleo and John through the crowd and towards the other side of the room to where they are sitting. You saw people with them, also drinking a lot of shots and see the other members. You’re soon looking at Roger who’s still surrounded by good-looking ladies that are drunk. You’re still good but tipsy tonight, since you didn’t drank all of the shots that Eleanor ordered earlier. You only took the drinks that were mild.

“Deacy finally managed to find himself some ladies. Care to introduce them darling?.” Freddie asked as he sips on his drink.

“This is Cleo and this is her friend Y/N. I invited them to sit with us tonight.” John said and Freddie nods his head, letting them sit on the vacant spaces of their place. You were close to Roger with all the ladies around him as you didn’t stop yourself from looking at the sensual scene they’re causing, and one of the girls noticed your stare.

“Hey creep, stop with that stare alright? Dreaming that you’re with us?,” The girl looks at you from head to toe, judging your looks, “I don’t think so,” she devilishly smirked at you as she gets back in seducing the drummer, who’s soon kissing the other girl on his right.

You frowned at her remark as you glared at her, even though her back is facing you. She just gave you this rude introduction that leads you in standing up from the couch and finally unbuttoned your fur coat and took it off, in front of these people around you. The gold sequin top that reveals your skin was like true gold that made them stare at you. Cleo was in awe when you took your fur coat off.

“Y/N…I didn’t know you wore something like that! I mean look at you!.” Cleo praises as you blushed hardly.

“It’s getting warm in here, finally decided to take it off,” You replied. In the corner of your eye, you saw Roger staring at you as you just shrug it off, “I’ll be at the bar.” You said and left the booth, making your way towards the bar, ordering yourself a drink.

“So I guess you’re Y/N.”

You look over your shoulder to suddenly see Roger standing before you.

“Yes, I am Y/N, I didn’t think you’ll be listening back there with all the ladies around you.” You sassed him as he smirks at you. Liking your feisty side.

“I see that you’re watching.” He smirks, soon ordering his own drink as he drank it.

“I just looked–not watching.” You replied to him as you sip on your glass of daiquiri that you ordered earlier, your lips slowly gliding on the rim of the glass.

You didn’t notice that Roger was looking at you and down your lips that were touching the rim of the glass. He didn’t thought about be interested in you, but aside of those ladies that surrounds him earlier, you’re more than that. He thought that you were like a magic that just appeared out of nowhere in his life and you were quite a vision to him. He thinks that after Reese, his love-life would be nothing but experiencing a heartbreak weather and will never get better, but you walked in this club, introduced by Deacy and he feels you’re different, and he feels different when you’re already standing before him. It’s the same feeling when he met Reese when they’re both in highschool, but far more better.

“You’re quite interesting Y/N.” Roger said and you turn your look to him again.

“I’m surprised that I’m more interesting that those girls around you, what makes you think of that Roger?.” You taunt him, feeling your self-confidence going higher.

“Finally, you’re flirting with me.” The drummer chuckles.

You blushed in his words as you let out a chuckle, “I don’t think I’m flirting with you Roger.” You denied his words.

“What a shame because I wish you had been.”

___________________________

reader’s outfit in the club:

taglist: @peter-sue-the-management @beatlesdotcom

IF YOU WANT TO BE IN THE TAGLIST, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x you #roger taylor angst #queen band #queen fanfiction #queen fic #queen imagines #queenrogah's fic #freddie mercury #Brian May #John Deacon

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getalittleclosey · 4 years

Text

under 50k larry fic rec

hi! i’m becca and i read...so much fic. these rec lists are an accumulation of fic that i’ve read or reread and extra loved from 2016-now. there’s a wide range of stuff here and i think there’s definitely something for everyone!! i divided them up by length so you can check out all those categories below!

please make sure to read tags and warnings on all these fics!! the only things i think i can guarantee is that these are all larry, there’s no non-con, no age play, no eating disorders, no mentions of bg, they end happy, and they’re mostly aus. oh and they’re all on ao3 and some are locked so you’ll need an account! anyway i hope y’all enjoy!!!

under 5k

under 10k

under 25k

under 100k

100k+

☆ the beginning of everything by thedeathchamber 31k

“How do you take it?” Harry asked, pouring tea into a cup.

“Just a dash of milk, please,” Louis cast a look over the small table, filled to capacity. “They’re very fond of you.”

Harry ducked his head, grinning. “They’re trying to impress you.”

Louis smiled, shaking his head. “Why would they want to do that?” he asked as he took the cup Harry passed to him, their fingers brushing for an instant.

“Empathy,” Harry said under his breath.

A Belle Époque AU set (mostly) in Paris in which Harry is a struggling artist, in more ways than one, and Louis is a successful theatre critic and a failed writer, more or less.

☆ to kill the mess we’ve made by misandrogyny 43k

And when he's finally standing, Liam fussing over him, rubbing his hand at the red mark blooming on Harry's forehead, does Harry learn two things:

One, he wasn't actually hit that hard, and Tommo--or Louis, rather--is just as pretty when Harry is staring at him head-on and,

Two, Louis is the Adidas model he's going to be working with on today's photo shoot.

(or: AU where Harry and Louis are both models, and they decide being friends-with-benefits is a great idea. It isn't.)

☆ heart open, bloodstain on my sleeve by silkbombs (mulberrygrey) 36k

“I couldn’t help myself,” Harry admits, one hand coming to rub the back of his neck, “I stared at you for a good while before I finally got the guts to come up to you. You looked so pretty sitting there, with your little ankles and your pencil in your mouth, so enthralling… art in front of art.”

Louis’ not sure what to say, so he just kind of sits there, eyes bugging out as he stares at Harry.

“I mean, like you’re not an object!” Harry rushes out, babbling.

“I just, there’s something about you that’s so captivating, and maybe it’s the way your eyes are like a watercolor painting of the sea, or how delicate your hands look when you draw, but I just wanted to get to know you. It’s not like I pick up random boys at art museums usually, I swear. Not that I’m trying to pick you up! Unless you want to be…God, fuck I’m sorry this is so awkward now. I can go, um, if you want."

--- Or, the one where Harry's the long limbed, gangly, sweetheart who just happens be a high profile art thief who conducts heists for a living and Louis' the loud, pushy art student who just happens to steal his heart.

☆ a king beside you by stylinsoncity 26k

When the aliens invade, the last thing Louis expects is to fall in love.

☆ the boys of summer by afirethatcannotdie 45k

“I mean…we’re gonna have to sneak around anyway, yeah? Like, with that whole rules thing that I guess we’ve decided to ignore. Might make it a little more fun this way.”

AU. In which Louis is a reluctant sports coach, Harry's a fellow counselor who wears tiny yellow shorts, and camp rules say they're forbidden to date.

☆ don’t let the tide come and take me by kiwikero 29k

The aquarium in the lobby has been there as long as Louis can remember, and so has the merman inside. That is, until the day Louis loses his job and decides to set the creature free.

They set off on a road trip to the sea, learning to communicate more and more each day. Their destination is LA, but the closer they get and the more Louis gets to know the merman, the more he dreads having to say goodbye.

Or, the one where Louis decides to set a merman free and ends up finding his own freedom along the way.

☆ introduction to dynamics by juliusschmidt 29k

Louis Tomlinson is the outspoken omega in the 'Introduction to Dynamics' course Harry wishes he didn't have to take. He's nearly certain to present as a beta, after all. Things will be simple for him.

☆ saved tonight by objectlesson 31k

Harry is the world's most persistent seduction-baker, a questionable dog-sitter, and Louis's biggest fan. Louis hasn't written in years, is trying to pass loneliness off as cynicism, and absolutely hates his fans. It's probably destiny.

☆ once upon a dream by objectlesson 27k

“M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay. ”

Harry shuts his eyes and opens his mouth, because he can’t fucking say no to Louis.

Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

☆ rivers ‘til i reach you by embodied 29k

Louis can’t begin to understand how he’s always this close and still can’t manage to make Harry his. He stands up and gets another beer. AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

☆ life was a song, you came along by rainbowninja167 38k

It's embarrassing how long it takes Louis to recognize his own song. Niall had sung it as a bright, hopeful love song, and that’s honestly how Louis had always assumed it should sound. But this new voice, slow and rough, stripped of any backing instrument, has infused the lyrics with just the tumultuous mix of fear and defiance that Louis can remember so clearly from the night he wrote them. It’s not a comfortable thing, to feel like someone is singing all your secrets back to you.

Louis is a songwriter trapped in a lie that could ruin his best friend's career. Harry owns a record store, distrusts everyone in the music industry on principle, but loves Niall Horan's newest album. A modern retelling of Singin' in the Rain.

☆ learning to eat by photo41 29k

Celebrity chef Louis Tomlinson has a problem. He’s opening his first restaurant in 9 weeks, and he has yet to hire a pastry chef- apparently people think he’s ‘standoffish’ and ‘rude’ and ‘quick to temper’. Whatever. He ends up saddled with an annoying, happy-go lucky rookie who also happens to be obnoxiously good looking. His tv presenter and pop star best friends only add to the drama, and for fucks sake would everyone please stop quoting Julia Child?!

Kitchen AU where Harry helps Louis re-learn how to eat. (METAPHORICALLY)

note: just to clarify this is NOT an eating disorder fic don’t worry

☆ runner on third by kikikryslee 40k

As Harry stood there, the other man turned around, and he knew he was correct in who he thought it was. “Louis?” he asked, still not quite believing it. Louis blinked. “Harry? Wh– what are you doing here?” “I work here,” Harry said. “What are you doing here?” “Um, I’m picking up my brother. The nurse called and said he was sick.” Harry felt like he was going to be sick. “Wait, Ernest is your brother? Since when do you have a brother?” “Since about seven years ago, I guess. Wait, how do you know Ernest?” “I’m his teacher.” “You’re his what?” Louis exclaimed. Harry gulped. This was going to be a long year. --- Or, the AU where Louis and Harry were best friends growing up, but lost touch after Harry moved away. Ten years later, Harry has moved back to town, but he and Louis don't pick up where they left off.

note: there are four fics in this series that total to 60k

☆ roots by cherrystreet 43k

There aren’t many things that make Harry Styles nervous. He’s spent the past couple of years on and off various stages, filled with screaming fans, all chanting his name, loud and adoring. He’s done countless interviews, some even on live, national television, never faltering over his words, answers meticulously planned out, smooth and steady. He’s signed countless autographs, taken just as many photos, and even when he sat in his label’s studio, waiting to see how high up on the charts his single made it, he didn’t feel uneasy or uncomfortable. It’s all been unbelievably fun. No, there aren’t many things that make Harry Styles nervous.

Enter Louis Tomlinson.

☆ once upon a dream by thedeathchamber 33k

Louis is psychic and gets caught in the middle of a murder investigation led by FBI Special Agent Harry Styles.

aka. the Medium/Criminal Minds-inspired AU no one ever asked for.

note: there’s a 24k sequel for this!

☆ the melody you never heard by bananasandboots 30k

It's one last adventure. One last chance to be young and carefree. One final weekend before they take up their internships, their corporate positions, before they enter the real world, fresh out of university. Niall's his best mate. Liam's been there for him since they were lost, little freshmen, trying to find their ways through an overwhelming first year. Harry can't disappoint them, even if it means enduring four days with Louis.

Louis, who he does share a history with, a history he's never told anyone about, not even Niall, a history he hasn't brought up in three years because it's stupid and embarrassing and confusing.

Or, the one where Harry gets roped into a four-day camping trip with the boy who kissed him and never called back.

☆ born to make you happy by objectlesson 26k

Harry makes a quiet vow to himself that he will be the very best girlfriend Louis has ever had, even if he never actually gets to be Louis’s girlfriend.

note: i literally had to take a break and reread this cause i love it so much

☆ close to nowhere by angelichl 35k

“I will kill you in your sleep,” Louis threatened as he quickly stepped out of his jeans.

“I don’t think that would work very well baby, seeing as you talk to dead people all the time.”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep and ignore your ghost. And don’t call me that.”

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

☆ adrenaline by reveries_passions 38k

“Harry Styles,” Nameless Boy who now has a name says. Louis is too busy having an internal crisis to realize the boy has just introduced himself as Harry Styles. Harry Styles, only son of Des Styles, PhD, Dean of Harvard Medical School. Harry Styles, known by everyone and their grandmother. Harry Styles, star rower. Harry Styles, youngest enrolled student in graduate school at Harvard University. Oh my god, Louis thinks, mortified. I just slept with Harry Styles. As he reaches out tentatively to shake the boy’s hand, another thought hits him. Oh my god. Harry Styles is gay.

louis tomlinson, college dropout, up and coming dj, and gay activist, is the notorious owner of exclusive underground gay club, adrenaline.

harry styles, med student by day, partier by night, child prodigy and seemingly heterosexual son of harvard professors, is the youngest and arguably the smartest student at harvard medical school.

or: a one night stand wasn't supposed to become the greatest love story of the 21st century.

☆ bloodsport by tofiveohfive 40k

“You know how our next game is against the Cardinals, right? You remember how vicious those guys can get. I wanted us to come up with some plays, maybe work on a block from the left—”

Louis stops when he hears a chuckle.

He doesn’t think he’s said anything particularly funny, so he turns to Harry, waiting for an explanation.

“‘S funny, ‘s all.” Harry throws his finished bottle somewhere near the other discarded ones. “This is the first time you’re talking to me in eight months, and it’s still about football.”

☆ the haunting of louis tomlinson helloamhere 31k

“I'm not afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.

Every single magnet unstuck itself from the fridge and fell to the floor in a clattering cascade.

“I'm only a little afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.

*** OR: Louis is a plucky Gothic Heroine, Harry is a Mournful Spirit, and Big Country Houses are full of mystery and suspense, as Big Country Houses ever are!

☆ can i not like you for a while? by larryshares 43k

louis tomlinson is awful. harry is just as difficult, and they're both terrible to each other. it makes being in the same acapella group together quite complicated.

☆ delight in masques by kassio 28k

Popstar Louis Tomlinson has been pulling one over on the mortals for years. In the five years since he put on a human illusion and tried out for the X Factor, none of them have realised that he’s one of the Fair Folk – a cat shapeshifter, to be precise – and he’d like to keep it that way.

When he returns to the X Factor as a guest judge, the last thing he expects is for some half-Siren fool to use magic on the judges. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Harry Styles does. Now Louis has to track down some rogue changeling before he exposes them all. Even worse? Apparently, Harry doesn’t even know what he is.

(An urban fantasy adventure, set in the world of - but not crossing over with - the October Daye book series. No need to be familiar with those books; I just want to give credit where it's due on a lot of the worldbuilding.)

☆ no love like your love by rearviewdreamer 43k

When it comes to saving the world from itself and convincing rich CEOs of environmentally harmful companies to go green, there's nobody better than Harry Styles. That is, until Louis Tomlinson, his ex and former Alpha, is involved.

note: i love vegan harry styles

☆ for neither never nor ever by fairytalelights 29k

Then Harry looked down. A newspaper was on the steps in front of him, looking new, like it had only just gotten delivered but no one had bothered to carry it inside yet. That, in itself, wasn't unusual. The unusual thing was the headline, Chernobyl - Half a Year Later, and the date in the corner. 5th November 1986. He looked up to stare at the girl in the doorway one last time, before he did the only logical thing his body knew how to do in this situation. He bolted.

or, the one where Harry travels through time and has to come to terms with losing everything he's ever known. Louis might be the only thing that feels real.

☆ worth dying for by whoknows 45k

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Louis says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. In the center of the table, a set of three glossy photos stares up at him, mocking him.

“A security detail is non-negotiable, Louis, you know this,” his mum reminds him, tapping the middle photo with two fingers.

Louis doesn’t look back down at the pictures, gesturing towards them wildly, over-dramatically. “This is not a security detail!” he protests. “This is a lanky college student. In what world do you hire someone like this kid to protect me?”

☆ listen to your heart by lovelarry10 35k

Are you kidding me right now?

I… No? Louis frowned, feeling angry now. It wasn’t fair, he knew that, but at the same time, he couldn’t help his feelings. It felt like this had been brewing for weeks, and this was it. Give it a rest, Harry.

Why are you such a brat? Why can’t you just be happy for me for once?

You think I want to hear about you kissing James? Really, H? There’s things I just don’t need to know, okay? I’m your best mate, not your fucking relationship advisor…

*****

Louis has always been comfortable being Harry’s one and only. When Harry starts to branch out, Louis has a hard time letting him go.

Harry is very lucky to have someone who listens to what he has to say, despite the fact that he’s deaf. He’s finally feeling like he’s coming into himself, but Louis seems bothered by his newfound confidence.

☆ another day gettin’ into trouble by whoknows 26k

Harry’s drunk when the idea occurs to him. He’s also a pop star, so sometimes his drunk ideas turn into actual things instead of just ideas. The clone-a-willy kit is one of them.

In Harry’s defense, when he first thinks about it his intention is just to buy the kit and give it to Louis to make his own dildo with, because that’s what he wants anyway, right? To have a penis filling him up?

Then he realizes that it would be weird if Louis made a copy of his own dick to fuck himself with. It’d be super weird. Louis fucking himself? That’s a weird idea. Harry’s pretty sure Louis wouldn’t like that.

Clearly the only solution here is to use his own dick for the mold.

☆ all the right moves by cherrystreet 32k

This is the third game in a row that Harry has been distracted by the noisy boy in the stands, five rows back.

There’s really no reason that he should feel compelled to stare into the audience as frequently as he is, but he can’t help it. This boy is a nuisance. And he’s loud. Even from basketball court with nine other players running by him, shoes squeaking on the shiny hardwood floor, and thousands of cheering college students, Harry can hear this boy nearly shrieking, his laugh more like a cackle than anything.

It’s seriously obnoxious.

☆ play the odds by alivingfire 26k

Harry and Louis are best friends since childhood who, after a night of drinking, find themselves locked in a bet: first one to kiss the other a thousand times wins. Wins what? They don't know. Glory, Harry supposes. Bragging rights, though those don't do much in this economy. All Harry knows is that this is one bet he can finally win. What he doesn't expect, though, is what happens when he starts kissing his best friend on a daily basis.

Namely, he doesn't expect falling head over heels in love with his best friend.

Now all he has to do is make sure the bet never ends, so he never has to stop kissing Louis.

#fic rec #mine #larry stylinson #one direction #apparently i really love objectlesson #cause they have fics on every list i think #30 of these!#fic masterpost

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jawnjendes · 5 years

Text

her eyes are tired | shawn mendes

chapter 12/?, university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: a filler but issa good one! i also just wanna remind you all that no matter how bad things seem rn, things do get better and things are always changing. i believe in you!

***let me know if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist

masterlist | playlist (new song added every chapter!)

“Really, it's fine,” Annalise said to Shawn as he pulled into the last space in a crowded parking lot. “You don’t have to go the extra mile. I just needed company for the doctor.”

Shawn took the liberty of driving her to a nearby Starbucks after leaving Dr. Pacini’s office. He figured Annalise wasn’t in the mood for a full meal, at least this was better than nothing.

“Your blood pressure was low,” Shawn reminded her.

"Yeah, because I knew I would take a blood test, so I was fasting," she said back.

“And now the blood test is over. You need something in your system. Besides, food will help boost your mood. I know you like the chocolate chip muffins they got here."

Annalise took off her seatbelt as she hummed. She was too tired to argue, and she knew she wouldn't find anything more comforting or appetizing in the confined space of her dorm. "Thank you."

“Of course. I told you I’m here for you.”

He smiled, and Annalise couldn’t help but smile back. It was safe to say that most of her rage towards him had calmed down. The pelvic pain got her mind off of the stupid relationship problems for the time being. Replace one anxiety with another.

There was some noticeable space between Shawn and Annalise as they entered the coffee shop. She kept her phone in one hand and the other clutching the strap of her bag, like she was worried he would try to hold her hand or something. It just wasn't the time for those things.

Shawn happily paid for their order, both of them having some fruit refresher. Annalise couldn't find it in her heart to tell him that Starbucks was very 50/50 when it came to working with her digestive system. She knew the mango dragonfruit was safe for now, but the thought that it could suddenly be too sugary for her fragile stomach was a little nerve inducing. But she did have a soft spot for the muffins, like Shawn said.

Today, however, Annalise just picked at the treat, taking a couple of bites every so often. She was hungry, but anxiety was still very much in her system.

"History is kinda repeating itself, eh?" Shawn asked, getting her attention.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

"Where were we on this day a year ago?" He grinned before sipping his own drink.

"A coffee shop less crowded." Annalise slouched in her seat. Her feet naturally found their place between Shawn's legs under the table. "You were with a girl who was not as messy as this one."

"And my feelings for her haven't changed."

At least he didn't try to deny the disaster sat in front of him. It was much better than straight up coddling, in her opinion.

"I have a question," Shawn prompted.

"Okay…"

"Out of everyone you know, why did you call me?"

Suddenly, Annalise had an appetite. She ripped off a rather large piece of her muffin and stuffed it into her mouth, avoiding eye contact. Several different answers popped into her head, but she refused to speak any of them into the universe.

"Okay, how about this," Shawn tried again, "why couldn't, say, Stella go with you?" He already knew why, he just wanted to see if she would share something like that with him.

And she did. Annalise swallowed, and then spoke. "She's really mad at me. We argued, and she left the dorm for the time being."

"What did you guys argue about?"

"I don't even know at this point. I just know I messed up and she's rightfully upset. God, I'm tired."

She didn't need to say that twice. Seeing her without her signature dark eye makeup made Shawn notice the fatigue in her brown eyes. It looked like she stopped trying, and it broke his heart. He wanted to touch her hand or her face, attempt to remove every kind of pain she was dealing with. But he still didn't know if this was the right time to do anything like that, and he wasn't sure if he was even allowed to ask.

"She'll come around," he told her. "I know it. You guys are unbreakable."

Annalise only took another bite of her muffin. She didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"Another thing," Shawn said, changing the subject. He took a deep breath, knowing he had this coming, and he didn't know if he was going to see her again after this. "I'm sorry for what I said to you that night."

She knew what he was talking about. She momentarily distracted herself with downing half of her drink. Then, "You weren't exactly wrong."

"But it hurt you," he told her. "I hurt you. It was never my intention to make you feel that way."

Annalise pursed her lips as she considered the words. He wouldn't have gone all this way for her today if he wasn't telling the truth. She sighed. "I'm sorry I didn't believe what you were telling me."

"Well, I didn't make it easy for you," he said.

"Yeah, but I know better than to give into my own paranoia. After all this time, I should have known to trust you more."

That was definitely true, but Shawn didn't say it out loud. "Just so you know, I did tell Alessia to back off. I don't talk to her anymore."

Annalise was surprised. "Really? But you guys were friends."

"She didn't want to be just my friend. No, I think it's better we're not around each other for now."

"Oh."

The persisting guilt made itself known again. If Annalise hadn't said anything then Shawn have had to just cut someone off like that. Admittedly, she was a little jealous of the chemistry he had with Alessia, and the fact that they were a more believable couple than "Shawnnalise" (still the worst name ever.) But if the roles were reversed, Annalise wouldn't just stop talking to someone like Stella or Patrick because of her boyfriend's jealousy. That would just be something he'd have to deal with.

"I hope you guys can go back to being friends after all this blows over," she told him, mindlessly twirling the straw in her cup. "She was really cool."

Shawn grinned, appreciating the sentiment. Then, came another subject change. "Do your parents know about anything that's been going on?"

To his surprise, Annalise chuckled. "All they care about is that I'm getting good grades and that I don't end up in the hospital again. I told my mom about the pelvic pain and she literally told me to stop talking to her about it and go to the doctor. So much for parental support."

"She just wants to make sure you get the help you need."

"I know… I just don't always want advice."

"Do they know what's been going on with us?" Another question Shawn was hesitant to ask, but he needed to know.

Annalise paused for a moment. "It's better that they don't. They like you, but it can be really easy for them to turn against you."

So that's where she gets it from. Must run in the family.

As soon as their cups were empty, Shawn and Annalise left the establishment. The ride back to his apartment was oddly silent until Shawn bumped the radio.

"Who's this playing?" Annalise asked as an acoustic tune started playing. It reminded her of Shawn's music, but it wasn't his own.

"Niall Horan," he told her.

"Hm, never heard of him."

"Seriously? He was in One Direction."

"Never listened to them."

"You what?"

She cracked a smile, but Shawn wasn't amused.

"They were the biggest boyband in the world!"

"So? They never piqued my interest."

"Yet you listen to Little Mix?"

Annalise chuckled, blushing. "That's different. They're super underrated! Their lyrics are sassy and full of life! And have you seen what the girls look like? They're all gorgeous!"

"So is Niall!" Shawn caught himself. "And all the guys from One Direction!"

Now she knew why he was passionate about this topic. She giggled. "Did I just discover your celebrity crush?"

He scoffed in disbelief. "What? No."

"Aw, he's not your free pass?" Annalise teased. This was the most fun she had today, and she wanted to savor it. Besides, she didn't know much about this side of Shawn. "So like, if I gave you my blessing, and you saw Neil-"

"Niall."

"-at a hotel or something, you wouldn't…?"

On a rare occurrence, Shawn was blushing. He focused on the road and stayed quiet for a moment. "Okay, maybe!"

"Ahh, I knew it! And it's okay! My free pass is either Jade from Little Mix or Amy Lee! Whoever I see first!"

Shawn breathed out a chuckle as his shoulders relaxed. "Okay, you have my blessing for either of them. But only them!"

For a moment, it felt like all the bad shit they had gone through these last few months had never happened. Annalise felt her chest get warm in that nice, heart fluttering way it used to. Her feelings hadn't changed either, and it was a relief to discover that. She wasn't stringing him along for nothing. None of this was for nothing.

They were in a comfortable silence when Shawn was pulling up next to Annalise's car at his apartment building. Neither of them wanted this thing to be over, but what were they going to do? Say it out loud? Make it known?

"Thanks again for everything," Annalise said. "I really appreciate it."

"Anytime." Shawn smiled.

Was it bad that she sort of wanted to kiss him? No, it would be bad if she actually did it. Everything between them felt so delicate, one sudden move could demolish whatever was left. Annalise had gripped the door handle for only a moment before Shawn spoke again.

“Wait.” His hand flew to her shoulder.

Annalise felt her heart race instantly, gently grabbing his wrist. “I-”

“I’m doing a gig,” Shawn explained. “Well, I plan to, anyway. The lounge hasn’t called me back yet, but when it comes around, I’d like for you to be there.”

She exhaled, her body relaxing. “So it’s not even booked yet?”

“It’s not set in stone, but it will be. I just wanted to let you know ahead of time. I really want you to be there.”

Annalise narrowed her eyes. “It’s not another serenade, is it?”

Shawn chuckled. “No, I promise. I already learned that lesson. Just be in the audience, okay?”

“Okay,” she said.

“You promise?”

“I promise I’ll be there.”

Shawn’s eyes lit up and he was smiling once again. “Great. I’ll text you when I get the date.”

For a moment, they just sat there and gazed at each other. Annalise felt herself melting like she did a year ago, but her brain caught up quick. She really missed Shawn. Although she was no sweet dream, she missed the pleasant romance they had prior to this mess. It was easy to tell that Shawn missed it too, and it wasn’t just because he previously told her that. There was that longing in his brown eyes that made Annalise’s next statement sting a little bit.

“I have to go,” she opened the door, only to hear the plea in Shawn’s voice.

“Ann…”

“This isn’t a ‘fuck-it’ moment,” she told him.

And yet she still lingered in his Jeep. Shawn just had these stupid cute eyes and stupid cute everything. In the end, however, Annalise climbed out of the vehicle and went to her own. It wasn't time for all that yet.

“So you are on the same page again?” asked Callie the very next day. “You went through all of this just for you to make sure you still love each other?”

Callie wasn’t one to judge, being a professional psychotherapist. However, Annalise could tell when she didn’t quite understand something. For example, Callie asked a lot of questions regarding the separation. Whose idea was it? How long was it going on for? Annalise only found it strange because she knew Shawn must have talked about it during this time here. Callie had to have already known about this…

“Yes?” she said in response to her question. “Yes, we want to be with each other. But I can’t express that because Shawn will jump right into it and I don’t want that to be the thing to ‘fix’ this funk I’m in. Y’know what I mean?”

“Ah, I see. You’re aware of your depressive episode now.”

Annalise sighed as she nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been feeling the effects of it now. I’ve cried a lot, and I had an anxiety attack yesterday.”

“Did it help to get some of the pent up feelings out?” Callie asked.

“I don’t really know. Ever since the hospital, I thought if I let myself cry about it, I’d never stop. Like, I’m not crying nonstop, it comes in waves. So does the aching sadness. I don’t remember it being this brutal the first time I had a session here.”

“Some traumas are worse than others. This one clearly took its toll. I know it’s painful, but letting yourself feel the emotions will help you in the long run. And we can slow down with talking through all of this if you wish.”

Annalise nodded, realizing she was able to name something she was feeling. Sadness. It was a persisting issue in the past. Not speaking of her feelings and not knowing what they were was troublesome not only in romantic relationships, but with family as well. The fact that she was able to point out her sadness now made her think that maybe she wasn’t such a lost cause.

“And, I presume you have people around you?” Callie inquired. “People to support you, or distract you?”

Now, she slouched in her seat. “Yeah, uh… this particular episode hasn’t been nice to me or anyone around me.” She explained the fights with Stella and Shawn, and the impromptu dropping out of gaming club, which led the session to be consumed by tears and meltdowns.

But Annalise did manage to name another feeling: guilt. She felt guilty for screaming at the people she loves. She felt guilty for going off her meds. She even felt guilty for breaking Chad’s nose.

“And, I’m aware I’m lucky to be where I am,” she sniffed. “I’ve had good parents and good friends. Shit, I found a guy who actually cares about me! I have an education and I’m throwing that away because I haven’t done any school work… I’m lucky, and I should be happy! Why am I gonna complain about my perfect life?”

“Isn’t that something? You have all these good things in your life, yet the depression persists. That’s the thing with mental illness, Ann: it doesn’t discriminate. And, not to take away from everything you just said, but nobody’s life is perfect. You’ve had as many downs as ups.”

Oh yeah, because Annalise totally forgot about that load of crap.

“The fact that you went off your medication definitely contributes to this as well,” Callie went on. “So the first thing you need to do is get you back on something, maybe a new one altogether. When was the last time you spoke to your primary doctor?”

Annalise wiped her tears with her sweater sleeves and caught the words printed on. So much for having a ‘positive mental attitude.’

For the duration of the day, she felt quite shitty. The therapy meltdown took every ounce of energy from her. That, apparently, is the work of therapy she had gone through before. Like every illness, this needed to run its course and be treated. Not to mention, she couldn’t do it alone either. There wasn’t time to talk about it in detail during today’s session, but Callie suggested the obvious: try to make amends with the people hurt by Annalise’s words and actions.

It was important, duh, but she still made the point to go to her primary doctor on Monday morning instead. That same day, Annalise went to each of her professors and asked for extensions on whatever assignments she was about to royally screw up. Last semester didn’t go so well in the sense that Biology nearly killed her goal of attaining her Bachelors. The idea of having to repeat the class a third time was painfully unfathomable. This is how she procrastinated making apologies to anyone.

These days, it was hard to study in silence. Annalise had her phone on YouTube, and Bella Santiago's soft voice filled the living room. Having this particular YouTuber on was a comfort to Annalise; She felt like Bella would be the one to truly understand her. Although, for a beauty guru, she got quite deep in her videos, especially as of late. Bella's signature pink hair was long gone, but her infamous tangents remained the same. Annalise had just been working on a psych essay, having a makeup tutorial on as background noise, but she zoned back in to hear Bella's rambling.

"I'm not saying you all need to run away from home," she said as she dabbed concealer under her eyes. "Don't do that. But if you are gonna get away from everything for a bit, tell people where you're going. They might be able to talk you out of it. They might be able to help you with whatever you're going through. Seven months ago, I forgot that there are people who care about me here in LA."

That was the first strike to Annalise's chest. She slowed down her scribbling in her notebook, eyes glancing to the tiny screen.

Bella casually powdered her face with a large fluffy brush. "Mental illness has a way of making you think you're alone, and that makes you lash out. All the friends I have, all the ones that you see, none of those are perfect relationships. I've cut these people off before for no good reason other than thinking I was a burden and not worth their time."

And there's the second strike. Annalise put her pen down and sighed, now giving her full attention to this makeup artist.

"I know it's hard to believe when you're stuck in your own head," she continued, "but you are worth it. There are people who want to be there for you. And remember to forgive yourself for the things mental - or even physical - illness took away from you…" She paused and chuckled softly. "Okay, that got a little too real. Anyway, I'm moving onto contouring, and I'll be using-"

But Annalise never discovered what made Bella's cheekbones so defined and beautiful. She closed the video and opened up her text messages, scrolling down to the conversation with Stella. The last text was from a month ago, and it was just Annalise notifying her that she would be home late. It was the day of the Bart adventure gone wrong.

If Annalise were to apologize, how could she do it over text? Stella deserved more than that. She needed to know she matters to Annalise.

It's not like she didn't know where Stella was hiding out, but Annalise still procrastinated. Every morning in the elevator, she briefly considered going to the second floor on her way to class. Then she would make the "I have no time" excuse and carry on. That little surge of guilt settled deep in her stomach, though. When did she not feel bad about something?

The elevator did stop on the second floor that Tuesday morning. Annalise had the typical internal debate of getting off here before someone showed up and paused at the threshold.

That someone was Alessia. She had her phone in hand, texting while walking. One foot was in the elevator, and she had frozen on the spot. Two pairs of brown eyes pierced into each other, both clearly caught off guard. Somehow neither woman expected to run into each other despite living in the same building.

Neither woman noticed the two girls behind Alessia until one of them rather rudely spoke up.

"Are you going in or not?"

Alessia jumped, glancing back at the blonde girl and her friend, mumbling an apology. Then she turned on her heel and sped down the corridor. Annalise took only two steps out to follow her, until she hears that same rude, squeaky voice.

"Looks like she found another victim."

Annalise stopped in her tracks, hearing Ms. Blonde-Hair-Blue-Eyes and her friend giggle to one another. Yeah, that's not the first time Annalise has received a comment like that, but come on! She wasn't even trying to dress her best today. She didn't even have her signature "scary" liner on!

She turned and stuck her hand between the elevator doors before they could shut. They slid back open, causing the two normies to cease their laughter immediately. They both stared at Annalise, eyes wide.

"What was that?" she asked, voice sickly sweet but her face full of murder.

Blondie trailed her icy blue eyes down the other girl's appearance. "Just wondering whose funeral you going to?"

"Oh, I haven't gotten that far yet," Annalize replied. "Still gotta decide who is gonna be sacrificed to Satan himself. But uh, the decision just got a little easier." Then, she pulled out the pentagram necklace from under her hoodie and rubbed the charm. "Sana… sana… colita de rana…"

The two girls backed up against the wall, disturbed. "What did you just do?" Blondie frantically asked.

Annalise smiled. "Nothing at all. But now you're gonna be thinking about me all day." She winked, and then to be even more petty, "Boo!"

They both shrieked, satisfying the goth. She smirked and then went down the corridor.

She may have lost Alessia in those two short minutes, but it was worth it. She quickly rushed to the staircase and practically bolted down three floors, sidestepping past students coming in the opposite direction. Thankfully, she spotted Alessia's wild curls in the lobby and called after her.

It was easy to tell that Alessia did not want to be stopped, but she did anyway. She clutched her books to her chest as Annalise approached her, brown eyes wide with fear.

"What's wrong?" Annalise asked.

"Huh? Nothing!" she replied a little too quickly. "What's up?"

"Um…" It dawned on her that she had nothing planned out. "I… wanted to apologize…?"

Alessia tilted her head. "Why?"

"Uh, I've been an asshole to just about everybody, you included. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for being cold and antisocial."

"I think you should be mad at me. You haven't been an asshole. I already knew you weren't exactly social. You've been nice to me, actually. All I've done is hit on your boyfriend."

Annalise hesitated. "Yeah… but lots of people do. Like, come on, he's beautiful. You're the only person I've been mad at for doing so."

"Oh…" Alessia trailed off. "Well, since we're here. I already apologized to him, but I'm sorry to you too. I know you've got him wrapped around your finger. And I'm sorry for getting so drunk that you had to drag me home. And I'm sorry for the comments I made about your health."

Honestly, Annalise had been so preoccupied by her current health issues that she forgot about all of that. The resurfacing of these things brought the smallest hint of annoyance to hit, but she also logically knew that it was time to right the wrongs.

"It's okay," she said. "Water under the bridge."

"Cool." Alessia smiled.

There were still hints of awkward in the air. Annalise decided to change the subject.

"Still going to gaming club?"

"Yeah. Chad broke his nose somehow, that's the main topic going on. We're all trying to figure out what happened since he won't tell us."

Annalise chuckled. "Oh, I know all about that."

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @poppyshawn @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @shawmndes @ruinhoney @someoneunimportantxx @calyumthomas @yourdeflightfullyleft @havethetimeeofyourlifee @wronglanemendes @chillingbythesea @softmendesss @mutuallynotmutual

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x goth gf #mmmaaaaaaaan ann rly doesnt deserve shawn asdkfhsfgh #also look at her go n try to get her shit together lulz

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harrysgems · 7 years

Text

11 Questions

It’s been a while since I got tagged in this by @whoopsharrystyles and @hs-1dfan, but I’m gonna do it anyway. Thank you for the tags my loves!

Here are the rules:

Post the rules 

Answer the questions given to you by the tagger 

Write 11 questions of your own

 And tag 11 people

@hs-1dfan‘s questions:

1. Best memory of this year? Bruno Mars’ concert. We had a blast and it was amazing seeing so much energy on stage, from him and all the crew! I’m seeing him again in 2018, that’s all I have to say hahaha.

2. Favourite quality about yourself? Stubbornness. It may be a flaw sometimes, but it helps when it comes to pursuing objectives, for example, not giving up on my degree although it’s really difficult (my mom told me she thought I’d drop out of that uni degree on the first year, and here I am!).

3. Go to song for karaoke. If you don’t do karaoke..what would you sing? When I was your man by Bruno Mars. I always sing that song at karaokes!

4. Best food in the world? Probably pizza. I mean... who doesn’t like pizza?

5. If you could travel back in time and talk to yourself +/- 5 years ago. What would you say or give for advice? To my younger self, I’d tell her to be happy with her appearance (if only I could go back lmao). I used to think I wasn’t skinny enough like the other girls in my class and now I look back at old pictures and think “how stupid I was!”. To my older self, I’d probably tell her to love herself no matter what, or at least keep trying and improving. Loving oneself doesn’t depend on others, not friends, not family, not boyfriends or girlfriends... And sometimes that’s hard to achieve.

6. Favourite author? I don’t think I can choose just one!! But I love a Spanish author called Carlos Ruiz Zafón, and I also really like Dan Brown.

7. Best song of the year? DES-PA-CI-TO! akfhklfha I’m kidding! I’m just gonna choose the whole Harry Styles Album lmao. And Tu refugio, from Pablo Alborán, because every single time I listen to it I end up crying, the lyrics are beautiful and I hate his ass because in every single new album there’s a song that keeps making my cry.

8. Anyone you would love to meet? Harry Styles. Niall Horan... Did I say Harry Styles?

9. What came first, the chicken or the egg? (I know it’s random lol, I say the chicken). I’m useless at reasoning this stuff, so just to be against you I’m gonna say the egg lmao.

10. Favourite piece of clothing you own or wear a lot. Probably a black shirt with white polka dots.

11. What would you say to Harry if he was standing in front of you? I should be able to assimilate that he’s standing in front of me first, which could perfectly take a couple of minutes lol. But, idk, I’m one of those weird people who might not come up with anything to say or I may not shut up at all, it depends on the occasion. I’d probably just ask how he’s doing, I’d tell him that his album is such a masterpiece and ask for a hug.

@whoopsharrystyles‘s questions:

1. Who is your hero? This may sound typical, but I have to say that my hero is my mum. She’s such a fighter and she’s been through some shit that no one deserves to experience and yet she’s always full of love and positivity and she’d die for the ones she loves.

2. If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Probably London.

3. What is your biggest fear? That my mum gets diagnosed with breast cancer again.

4. What is your favorite family vacation? Just a weekend in winter in a cottage, specially since my nephew was born. With a campfire to warm us up and some hot beverages.

5. What would you change about yourself if you could? I’m kind of impulsive, specially when arguing, I don’t think straight some of the things I say when I’m mad, so it would probably be that aspect what I’d change.

6. What really makes you angry? When you know something’s not fair but you can do nothing about it. Basically helplessness.

7. What motivates you to work hard? I’m such a lazy person I don’t think anything motivates me enough to work hard lmao. Nah, but, jokes aside, knowing what I want to achieve, where do I want to get, and keeping that in mind, is something I always find helpful.

8. What is your favorite thing about your career? I’m still trying to build it lol. But, I know I want to end up working in a lab, I just love everything that has to do with microorganisms and DNA and all that stuff. That’s my plan B in case I cannot live from singing, which is more than probable 😂.

9. What is your proudest accomplishment? Not dropping out of uni although I did really have a hard time during the first year. It wasn’t my first choice, I chose to start a degree because I knew if I had to retake the exams to get into uni I’d have to wait a year and home alone I would do nothing. Besides, I got maths, biology, chemistry and physics subjects, which were basically the exams I had to retake, so I thought it was a good idea. Then I decided that, although it would be harder for me, maybe, than to other people, I wanted to stay and finish that degree. And here I am, I should be finishing this year but that’s not gonna happen 😂. Hopefully next year!

10. What is your favorite book to read? It’s not the best book I’ve read, but from time to time I like to re-read Beautiful Player by Christina Lauren. Something about that story really got me (maybe it’s the fact that he’s older than her and I’ve always been more into older guys and that she has my dream job akfhdfkjhjflhd. Just maybe, huh?).

11. What makes you laugh the most? I laugh easily, so the most random thing can make me burst into laughter!

My questions:

What’s your favourite movie?

What’s the song you’ve listened to the most during this year (2017)?

If there’s one thing you could change from your past, would you do it?

Which is that one song that you can’t help dancing to it?

Who was your first celebrity crush?

Which is your guilty pleasure?

Favourite TV series from your childhood.

What’s the best book you’ve ever read?

What’s the most bold thing you’ve ever done?

What’s your favourite board game?

Typing or hand writing?

I tag @harryslittlekiwis, @stylishirish, @stylishmuser, @roseonhissleeve, @iloveyouhaz, @babyhoneyed, @kasiopeiae, @narryrivalry, @harrywavycurly, @harryteasontable and anyone else who wants to do it!

(PS: sorry if I tagged you and you’ve already done it. You don’t have to do it again!)

#tagged #tumblr game #questions #about me

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lamptracker · 7 years

Text

FIC: Too Much to Ask

Part of what is apparently going to be a series now. The whole boyband!AU thing was supposed to be a one-off. I blame Niall Horan for this. THANKS A BUNCHO, NIALL

Ahem. Anyway, The Boys in the Band is here.

Without further ado:

FIC: Too Much to Ask (based on the Niall Horan song of the same name)

Series (sigh): The Boys in the Band

Pairing: Sam Holland/Original Character; brief mentions of Tom Holland/Reader too

Summary: Sam meets the girl of his dreams, gets his heart broken, and tries to deal with the aftermath. Takes place mostly before the events of The Boys in the Band but then joins up with it. This summary is shitty. But I like this fic.

Warnings: A little cursing.

Tagged because she says she wants to love me (indirectly, but): @tbholland

Also, I had to go back and edit this because formatting. Ugh.

Sam Holland was in love, once.

He was one-fifth of the popular boy band H5, with his brothers Tom, Harry, and Paddy, and their friend Harrison. He played piano and wrote most of the band’s songs.

The female fans loved him. He was sensitive and quiet and didn’t like going out much - he would much rather stay at home and read or watch Netflix.

He could have any girl he wanted.

But he only wanted Molly.

Molly had joined them for this particular tour as their wardrobe manager after their old wardrobe manager, Miguel, had to drop out.

“Everyone, this is Molly,” (y/n), their tour manager, had said. “Miguel decided it would be a good idea to go skiing on his off day, and broke his leg. So Molly’s taking over for him.”

Sam was immediately drawn to her. Slightly wavy, shoulder-length red hair. Sparkling green eyes. A smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. Big, beautiful smile that could have lit up the sun.

At first, Sam was too shy to ask her out. His twin, Harry, was the one that pushed him into doing it. In typical Harry fashion, he’d said: “What’s the worst that could happen? She says no? Then I can date her.”

“You like her too?” Sam had asked.

“Not really. But I’d bet if she doesn’t go out with you, she’d go out with me.”

“Cocky little shit.” Sam smacked him upside the head.

But, armed with the fear that she may wind up actually dating Harry, he asked her to dinner; she readily agreed.

And things were wonderful. They loved going on long walks together, holding hands and talking. They watched a lot of Netflix together. They loved debating about their favorite shows (a big one was The Defenders - Molly hated Danny Rand with a passion; Sam didn’t mind him so much but didn’t like Colleen). Sometimes, when neither of them could sleep, they’d sit in the common area of the tour bus and watch the sunrise together and have a nearly-identical conversation every time:

“Oh, Sam. Look at that sunrise. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Not nearly as beautiful as you are, love.” And he would kiss her softly and she’d fall asleep with her head on his shoulder. He would just stare at her, taking in her beautiful face as she slept, running his fingers through her hair until he fell asleep himself.

When they’d stay at a hotel, (y/n) would book them separate rooms but they only ever used one. They’d start with trying to find something on TV but always end up making love. With Sam, it was never rushed or sloppy; he preferred being slow and passionate and making it last far into the night. He would always take his time and make sure Molly was satisfied.

And she always was.

Their nine month anniversary was approaching, and their tour was about three-quarters of the way over. Sam had shared his big plans for the evening with his twin brother:

“I’m going to ask her to move in with me after the tour is over,” He’d said excitedly.

“To do what?” Harry asked.

Sam scrunched up his face. “Um...what do you mean, to do what? To live in my house. With me. Then we’d be...you know...living together. I have so many songs I want to write about her, Harry, and it’d be easiest if she were with me.”

“Wow. You’re really serious about this girl, aren’t you?”

“I am, Harry. I really think she’s the one.”

That night at dinner, however, Sam got the shock of his life.

“I have something to tell you,” Molly said.

“Me too. But you first, darling.” Sam smiled and took her hand; to his surprise, she’d let go almost as quickly as he’d grasped it.

“Um… I can’t be with you anymore.”

Sam’s heart dropped.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve met someone else.”

“Oh.” Sam felt as though someone had grabbed his heart and squeezed it until it stopped beating.

“His name’s Calum, he-”

“You mean the lighting guy that joined two months ago?”

“Yeah. But you-”

“No, Molly, it’s okay. You don’t need to explain yourself to me. I just...I thought things were going really well between us. Was it...did I do something?”

Molly bit her lip. “No, you haven’t done anything. I just...it’s me, Sam. I don’t know what I want. But I think I want Calum. I want you too, but...”

“I want you. All of you. Your heart, everything.”

Molly sighed. “I can’t give you that anymore, Sam. I think I’ve fallen for him. So… I’m sorry.” She reached up and smoothed a lock of hair behind his ear. “Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?”

“I...not important. I have to be going anyway. Goodbye, Molly.” And with that, he’d left some cash on the table to pay for dinner and left. He felt a little bad leaving her at the restaurant all by herself, but he was too heartbroken to care. Blinking back tears, he called an Uber and went to the hotel.

When he got back to the hotel, he went straight for his older brother Tom’s room.

“Hey, Sam! Harry said you were going to ask-”

“She broke up with me.”

Tom’s jaw practically hit the floor. “What?!”

“Met someone else, she says. The new lighting guy.”

“Calum?” Tom snorted. “That guy’s a wanker.”

“I know that. I just… I love her, Tom. I thought she loved me too. I...she said she didn’t know what she wanted. But I know what I want, I want her.”

“Are you going to start crying?”

“Yeah.”

Tom immediately got up and wrapped his younger brother in a tight embrace; Sam, who had been holding the tears in since Molly’s confession, finally let them out.

Sam didn’t sleep for about a week after the breakup. He’d just sit in the common area of the tour bus, staring out the window, watching the shadows of buildings as they flew by. He found that he quite liked long stretches of country road. They were bleak, desolate. Lonely. Like he felt.

“Can’t sleep, eh?” Harry asked him one night, two months after.

“Plenty of time to do that when I’m dead.” Sam sighed, leaning his head against the window. It was easier to fall asleep, but he still had trouble sometimes. “Kind of wish I was.”

Harry snorted. “Melodramatic much? Just get over her, man.”

“Don’t you think I’m trying?” Sam kicked at him haphazardly. “I love her. Still. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, and she’s just gone. Only thing that’s keeping me going is that little sliver of hope that she’ll just walk back in and ask me to take her back. Which I don’t think is too much to ask.”

“Would you take her back, even after she did this to you?”

“In a heartbeat.”

“Even after we have to see her all the time, and she’s with Calum?”

Sam hadn’t considered that.

“Well… I just… I don’t know. If it ever comes to that, I guess I’ll just have to see what I do.”

“But what if that never happens? Look, Sam. I’m not great at relationships. I don’t think I’ve ever had one that lasted longer than a cough drop, to be honest. So I can’t give you any good advice, really.” Harry wrapped an arm around his minutes-older brother. “But I can maybe help you cope a tiny bit. Why not write about it?”

“Like a song?”

“No, dipshit, a grocery list. Yes, a song.” Harry smiled at him. “Go to your bunk, try to get some sleep, then write the words when you wake up. Music you can figure out later.”

“That’s actually a really good idea. Thanks, Harry.”

After he woke up, Sam immediately grabbed a pen and paper and started writing:

Waiting here for someone

Only yesterday we were on the run

You smile back at me and your face lit up the sun

Now I'm waiting here for someone

And oh, love, do you feel this rough?

Why's it only you I'm thinking of

My shadow's dancing

Without you for the first time

My heart is hoping

You'll walk right in tonight

And tell me there are things that you regret

'Cause if I'm being honest I ain't over you yet

It's all I'm asking

Is it too much to ask?

“That’s great so far, Sam,” Harry said when Sam showed him his first batch of lyrics.

Smiling, Sam wrote some more:

Someone's moving outside

The lights come on and down the drive

I forget you're not here when I close my eyes

Do you still think of me sometimes?

And oh, love, watch the sun coming up

Don't it feel fucked up we're not in love

When they got to their next tour stop, he plunked out a tune on the piano; Tom and Harrison overheard and practically begged him to record it.

“I don’t know,” Sam said warily. “It’s awfully personal.”

“Oh, come on, Sam. It’s beautiful,” Tom argued.

“And I think it’ll be a big hit,” Harrison added.

Sam sighed. “I don’t think it’ll go anywhere, but fine. One catch, though, I get to do vocals.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it any other way,” Tom said.

(Y/n) found him a recording studio and he recorded it that night. The record label released it a week later. And a week after that…

“Sam! Sam! Did you see this?!” Paddy practically sprinted into the dressing room, waving his phone.

“See what?” Sam took Paddy’s phone and read the article out loud. “H5’s heartbreaking new ballad, ‘Too Much to Ask’ has reached number one on the charts. Just one week after its release, it’s the fastest one of their singles to reach the number one spot. Their previous record was three weeks, with their single ‘Kingston Girls.’ Tom Holland or Harrison Osterfield usually take lead vocals on H5’s hits. But for this one Sam Holland, who also wrote this song, takes over. You can hear the vulnerability and heartbreak in his voice, as if he’s actually lived out his words. If you haven’t downloaded this one yet, what on Earth are you waiting for? Also, H5, give Sam more lead vocals!”

“You’re amazing, Sam!” Paddy shouted, giving his older brother a big hug.

Sam just smiled. He was glad to have contributed to yet another hit song. He just wished he’d never had to write it.

Wardrobe fittings were still hard. Sam usually was dressed by Molly’s assistant, but he couldn’t avoid seeing Molly. He’d catch her eye, and she’d give him a quick, sad smile before she shyly looked away.

He would think about when that smile was wider, brighter, accompanied by a laugh. He’d wondered where it had gone, if he’d ever get to see it again.

He knew he had to stop dwelling on this. But it was hard.

Especially after they ran into each other in the hallway one night before a show, on what would have been their thirteen month anniversary.

“Oh, hi, Sam,” Molly said. She smiled softly at him.

“Hi, Molly,” he said, nodding.

“How’re you doing?” she asked. There was a hint of concern in her voice, but Sam knew better. She was just asking to be polite.

Sam shook his head. “Honestly, Molly? I’m not doing that well. It’s… I loved you. So much. To be completely honest with you, I still do. I am in no way over you.” He sighed. “There. I know you wanted to hear that I’m doing just fine without you, but I can’t lie to you. I’m miserable. I do wish the best for you, and I hope you and Calum are happy together. Maybe someday I’ll get there.”

Molly stood in the middle of the hall, stunned, as Sam brushed past her to meet the hairstylist.

“You’re getting over this,” Harry announced the same night. In order to help his brother get over it, Harry had dragged him out to a club.

Sam snorted as he sipped his drink. He hated clubs. Too loud, too many drunk people, too many Justin Bieber songs, too much going on at once.

“I’m doing fine, Harry.”

“You bloody are not. Look, here are two girls. I’ve been chatting up Hailey, but here’s her friend Kelsey. Now, talk to her. Flirt with her. Hook up with her, hell, I don’t care. Do something.”

Sam rolled his eyes and put his drink down. “Fine. Hi, Kelsey, I’m-”

“Sam Holland. I know.” She put her drink down.

She was pretty enough, Sam thought to himself. Long brown hair, nice smile. She wasn’t Molly, but she was pretty in her own way.

“Look,” Kelsey said. “I’m not really interested in a relationship. I just want one night of meaningless sex.”

Sam chuckled softly. “Straightforward, are we?”

“I know what I want.” Kelsey brushed her fingers over his cheek. “And right now, all I want is you.”

Well, Sam couldn’t say no to that one.

He grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her, hard.

“My hotel room. Now,” he growled.

The sex was...well, it was definitely meaningless. Sam always took his time with Molly. But with Kelsey, he just wanted it to be over. He’d closed his eyes and tried to pretend that Kelsey was Molly. But it just didn’t work.

After it was over, Kelsey said it was “pretty good, but you seem distracted, Sam.”

Sam sighed as he pulled his boxers back on. “I got out of a relationship not long ago. I thought she was the one. She thought otherwise. Harry thought maybe if I hooked up with another girl I’d forget about her, but… I can’t. I used you, and I’m so sorry.”

Kelsey kissed his cheek. “It’s okay. I used you to get over my ex, anyway. Hey, maybe you know him. He’s a lighting guy for you guys, Calum?”

Sam groaned. “Small fucking world. That’s who she left me for.”

“We’re just two peas, aren’t we?” Kelsey laughed.

Sam, despite the situation, chuckled. “I guess.”

A long pause hung in the air.

“I still don’t want a relationship,” Kelsey said, punctuating the air with honesty.

“Me neither. Did I help you get over Calum?”

“Not really.”

Sam hummed to himself. “Figures. It was nice to meet you, though.”

“Yeah. I hope you find the peace you’re looking for, Sam.” She kissed him softly and left.

Sam flopped back onto the pillow and sighed. This was getting ridiculous.

Then...the whole situation with (y/n).

Honestly, it was more of a fight between Harrison, Tom, and Harry. He just sort of got...swept into it.

“Sam!” Harry had said one night, after a show. “You’d date (y/n) if you had the chance, right?”

“Err… I don’t know. I’m still holding out hope for-”

Harry scoffed. “Yes, I know. But supposing (y/n) asks you out. Would you go?”

Sam thought about this for a moment. It would be nice to go out with someone again. And (y/n) seemed nice enough. She wasn’t Molly, but she was sweet, and funny, and super smart.

“Maybe,” Sam replied.

And, as far as Harry was concerned, that was enough to seal Sam’s involvement in the whole thing.

So there they were, sitting on the couch in the dressing room. Tom, Harrison, and Harry were arguing over which one of them would get to date (y/n). Sam was just trying to get the fighting to stop. (Y/n) had turned the lights back on and Harry had just admitted he’d only wanted to date her so the other guys wouldn’t have a chance.

“Sam Holland, please present your argument,” (Y/n) said.

To be honest, Sam didn’t really have one prepared. But he could come up with one.

He thought about this for a moment, then decided he’d go with: “You are fun, and smart, and sweet. I’m not quite over Molly yet, but I think with the right girl I could maybe finally get over her. And to be honest, you might be her.”

He was just about to say this, when the door opened…

...and Molly walked in.

“Molly?” he asked.

(y/n) shot him a confused look. “Molly? What? No. I’m (y/n), what are you…”

“Um, look behind you,” Tom replied, pointing at Molly.

Molly smiled sadly at Sam. “Hi, Sam. Um...I hope I’m not interrupting. I just came to tell you that I’m sorry. I am so sorry for everything I put you through. You got a great song out of it, sure, but to be honest I can’t live with myself. Calum was nice. But he isn’t you. Can we… can we please start over?”

Sam froze for a moment.

This was it.

The moment he’d been hoping for.

He’d been waiting months for Molly to walk into a room, look him in the eye, tell him her relationship with Calum was a mistake and ask for a new start with him.

Part of him wanted to scoff, tell her to go to Hell, and grab (y/n) by the face and kiss her just to stick it to Molly. For the months of hell he’d had to endure because of her. For the pain she’d caused.

But his heart knew better. It knew what it wanted. And even after everything, it wanted Molly.

He got up from his seat and walked over to her, brushing past (y/n) as he did so.

“Oh, excuse me, (y/n),” he said quietly.

When Sam reached her, he let his heart decide what to do.

He grabbed her by the waist, dipped his head down, and kissed her deeply. She froze at first but soon melted into the kiss, reaching a hand up to run her fingers through his short brown hair.

“Of course we can,” he said, after they parted. “I love you, Molly. Would you care for a walk?”

“I’d love that.”

Smiling, Sam reached down and intertwined his fingers with hers. As they left the dressing room, he called out over his shoulder: “Oh yeah, I’m out too.”

“Out of what?” Molly asked as they made their way outside.

“Oh, Harry and Tom and Harrison have been fighting over (y/n). I’m not totally sure what happened but I got mixed up in it too. I didn’t want her, though, I only want you.”

Molly smiled at him. “Look, Sam, I truly am sorry. I didn’t know what I wanted. And like I said, things with Calum were...good. But they were never as great as when I was with you.” She stopped for a moment, sadly tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “I wouldn’t have been surprised if you’d said no. I know what I did was terrible. Harry said you were pretty torn up about it. And I couldn’t live with knowing that I caused that.”

Sam cupped her cheek with his hand and kissed her softly.

“I forgive you.”

“What were you going to tell me that night?” Molly asked.

Sam chuckled. “I was going to ask you to move in with me after the tour was over.”

“Does that offer still stand?”

“Yes.”

“Then, yes.”

“We do need to talk about one thing, though.”

Molly nodded. “Right. Yes, Calum and I did sleep together.”

“I figured. A few weeks back Harry set me up with a random girl at a bar, and we hooked up. Turned out to be Calum’s ex.”

“Kelsey?”

“Yeah. She was perfectly nice but...being with her made me realize that I don’t want to be with anyone other than you ever again.”

Molly grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and pulled him in for a firm kiss. “I don’t want to be with anyone other than you. I love you, Sam.”

“I love you, Molly.”

Neither of them could sleep that night. They sat in the common area for hours, talking quietly and staring out the window. Sam found that the long, lonesome stretches of country roads didn’t quite appeal to him the way they did after Molly left him.

“Oh, look, Sam. The sunrise.” Molly pointed. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Sam pulled her closer to him. “Not nearly as beautiful as you, darling.”

She sat up, turning to face him. “That’s what did it.”

“What did what?”

Molly smiled. “That’s what made me realize you were the one. Calum and I were on the staff bus, watching the sunrise. I said, ‘Oh, look. Isn’t it beautiful?’ and he just said, ‘Most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.’ And that’s when I knew it was you. Because, silly as it sounds, you think I’m prettier than a sunrise and he doesn’t. He treated me like a princess, but you treat me like a queen.”

Sam pulled her back into his chest. “Thank you for coming back to me. But, um, please don’t leave me again.”

“Don’t plan to.” She settled her head into the crook of his neck. “I love you, Sam.”

“I love you, Molly.” He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead as they both drifted off to sleep, smiles of contentment on both of their faces.

A few moments later, (y/n) walked through the common area so she could put on a pot of coffee. Yawning, she paused at the couch in front of the window. She took in the sight of Sam, asleep, with an also-sleeping Molly in his arms. (y/n) put her hand over her heart and smiled.

“What’cha lookin’ at, love?” Tom asked sleepily, coming up behind (y/n) and wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Look at them.” (Y/n) pointed at the sleeping couple. “It’s so nice to see Sam happy again, isn’t it?”

Tom kissed her temple softly. “It surely is. Now, how about that coffee?”

“I want some sugar first,” she replied, turning around so she could kiss him.

“What a goof.” But Tom was all too happy to oblige.

So, it was true. Sam Holland was in love once. He just never found his way out of it.

And he didn’t want to, ever again.

He didn’t think that was too much to ask.

#Tom Holland #sam holland #sam holland fanfiction #sam holland x oc #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x reader #the boys in the band #damn you horan WHY ARE YOU SO INSPIRING

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crocodilenialledfics · 7 years

Text

Their love shouldn't have been so intense. Niall shouldn't have been able to bring her to her knees like this. Niall wasn't quite sure what he did to deserve her but there's nothing in the world he wouldn't do for her.

flashback to where it all started, Soren or Ren for short was 26. she was a journalist at The Rolling stone- in fact the youngest yet. she was incredibly proud of where she was and she definitely didn't take it for granted.

Ren prided herself in capturing the real essence of what music should be. She covered the section on Music reviews- Ren's Review. the name alone made her sick but it's what made her money.

Ren, however hated phonies, and that was exactly what Niall was. the music industry grew up without him. it was now 2017 and he was still whining about a girl that so clearly broke his heart. how many times could one person write about it? it worked for the classics but as Niall overused the same four chords and same sad lyrics, Ren thought her head would explode.

It wasn't anything personal- except for the fact that he was a complete douche to his fans and barely gave anyone an ounce of respect- also, he refused an interview with her. refused. Ren was both annoyed and angry and feeling lots of resentment towards the male race when she wrote the article. did she mean everything she said? of bloody course she did. would she take it back? absolutely not.

when Niall’s management called her, Ren was already not in the mood. Niall was washed up, plain and simple. as if her opinion changed the worlds opinion of him? probably not but he was whiny anyways. she'd even sent an early copy before publishing it.

With unbridled ambition and stubbornness, Ren agreed to meet with some people on the behalf of Niall. Ren internally scoffed because if he was so upset why couldn't he meet with her instead.

"hello, i'm Janice," the woman introduced herself. "i'm the media head. this is Dane, Mr. Horan’s image consultant."

"nice to meet you both," she smiled, shaking their hands. they sat down at the table and ordered drinks.

"so i've heard Mr. Horan has an issue with the article i've written?" Ren asked, glazing over the menu.

"yes we were actually hoping you could make a few changes," Janice said. "just so it doesn't totally ruin his career."

"look," Ren closed her menu. "it's the truth. I guess it's not blatantly clear but then again your management team has yet to master what promo really means. Niall’s image, as hard as you've tried to preserve it, has gone to shite. until his music is real and meaningful, my opinion won't be changed and i will still publish the article."

"is there any price?" Dane asked, pulling his check book out. "you name it and-"

"save it Dale," she picked her menu up. "i'm thinking about the steak, what about you?"

"oh-uh it's Dane actually," he replied meekly.

"right," she nodded, looking him up and down.

Niall was livid. he read the article. he reread it, even. everything was a lie. Anger coursed through him the more he read the word.

washed up pop star

the same three chords used over & over again

unoriginal lyrics derived from horrible writers

how long can he use the same worn down archetypes without people noticing?

does he even care about his fans who have done nothing but support him through thick and thin times?

Niall was already on the phone with Janice as he went out the door. He headed straight to the main office ready to tear this Soren Maude a new one.

Janice advised him to keep calm, to let it blow over except he was insulted and pissed off. Soren had absolutely no right to criticize him when he didn't even know the half of it.

Niall marched right into the office of Rolling stone ready to butt heads with someone.

"i need to speak with a Soren Maude, please," he demanded, arms crossed over his face.

"I'm sorry Soren isn't available right now," the receptionist said. he looked right past Niall as if he didn't even exist.

"i need to speak to him now," Niall insisted.

exasperated, he sighed. the bloke picked up the phone. "Ren, Niall Horan is here to see you. he won't go away."

the receptionist hung up the phone and went back to his computer. impatient was what Niall was.

"so?" he asked, getting angrier by the second.

"so you better lose your attitude real quick," he looked up at Niall. "Ren will knock ya head off. first second on the left."

Niall shook his head and grunted. he couldn't wait to meet this Soren. He sauntered down the hall with everything he had to say on the the tip of his tongue.

"I need to speak with a Soren Maude," Noah said as he approached the open door.

"that's me," a small brunette with glasses said. she only came up to niall's nose and well, how could he yell at her? "can i help you with something?"

"i uh- um yes," he faltered. "you- you wrote that article about me?"

"yeah," she nodded. "is there a problem?"

"yeah," he nodded, eyebrows furrowed. "what's wrong is that it's complete slander!"

"it's not slander if it's true," she closed a folder in front of her. "and everything i wrote was true. your lyrics are weak. they're overused and repetitive. four albums with the same thing over and over again. your fans are disappointed, Niall."

"you have no right!" he exclaimed. "you don't know anything about my fans!"

"I did research before publishing it," she stood up. "I talked to your fans. i talked to music majors. do you know what makes song great?"

"relatableness and a good hook- my songs have great hooks!"

"no Niall," she closed her door. "a good song makes you feel, it makes you think- you can see yourself in a good song."

"and what makes you so qualified?" Niall asked, eyebrow raised.

"i went to school for this," she looked him up and down. "are you trying to discredit my credentials to make yourself feel better?"

"well I just don't see how someone like you gets to decide what's good and bad," he crossed his arms over his chest.

"someone like me?" she asked. "like a young woman?" she asked. "like my opinion is invalid- tell me, Niall. if this Soren you came looking for was in fact a dude how would you react? very different i presume."

"no that's- that's not true," he stuttered, taking a step back.

"like hell it isn't," she leaned on her desk. "besides you don't even write your own songs anymore so why is it such a big deal? i know it isn't your fault. your team is sticking you with the same image you've been with since you were eighteen but the least you could do is put a little heart into it. put real feelings, emotions. songs are supposed to be relatable but not so much that every song sounds like a boring top forties."

"it's not as easy as you think," he turned away. "it's not like you know anything about the industry anyways. thanks for the bloody great review, i really appreciate it".

"Niall-"

Niall shook his head, heading for the door, slamming the door behind him. the worst part was that everything she said, Niall knew was true.

As Niall mulled over Ren's so boisterous opinion, he found that accepting it was harder than he originally thought.

Niall came to his conclusion a week later. he cried a bit, got angry, got proper pissed drunk and then his mind was clear and made up. he needed to see her.

This time, Niall waited patiently for Ren to return from her lunch break. she came walking in with a tall brown haired lad. they looked awfully close and somewhere deep within Niall, he felt jealous.

"Niall... hi," she greeted here. "who are you here to see?"

"uh you, actually," he stood up. "i was hoping we could talk."

"yeah sure," she nodded. "i actually have some running to do for my boss. want to come?"

"uh i guess," he nodded, a little confused.

"great," she smiled. "let me get my coat."

Ren returned a few minutes later carrying a box. she handed it to Niall and took a bag from the receptionist, who Niall learned was named Jamie.

"let's go," she told him, already waiting for him in the elevator.

Niall noticed how fast Ren was. she was always moving so fast, Niall almost couldn't keep up. almost. he was taken aback by it. she was like a flurry of brown curls and papers. she was a hurricane, personified.

"where are we going?" Niall asked, getting into the passenger seat. he was mildly impressed by the Mercedes she drove.

"we need to go to the post office to drop that box off- bloody Tomlinson can't meet deadlines to save his arse- there's people to do this you know?" she shook her head. "sorry that's off topic- you wanted to talk?"

"right yeah," he nodded, sitting up. "so i wanted to talk about the article you wrote."

"look Niall i won't unpublished it or change it or make a statement," she sigh exasperated. "i meant it and i just refuse to take it back."

"no i know i don't- i don't want you too," he shook his head. "i wanted to talk to you about how i could write better songs? like tips i guess?"

"my opinion shouldn't change what you think about yourself," she furrowed her eyebrows.

"i know it doesn't but like i've been feeling this way for a while, you know? like i've been in this mental block- my music is nothing i'd ever listen to. it's cringy. i want to write meaningful music."

"you don't have substance," she told him. the car pulled to a stop. "you need feelings, emotions. take a word and run with it. brain storm. really dig deep. your biggest fears. a feeling you've had. something that is real- i cant stress that enough. stop singing about the girl you couldn't get and start singing about the way that girl makes you feel. like gut wrenching heart break or love so deep it'll bring tears to your eyes."

Niall nodded, "i think i know what you mean."

"get with some good writers," she encouraged him. "like Julian. he's sick to work in the studio with. he's a friend. i'll ask him about you. don't be afraid to be vulnerable, yeah?"

"okay," Niall nodded. "i'll try.“

hey it's Niall.. i had some lyrics i wanted to run by you, if you're willing?

Ren bit her lip, setting her phone down on the table. did she really wanna get into this?

come by my office around two Ren wrote back hesitantly. she clicked send and held her breath.

"so what are we going for?" Ren asked, sitting up.

"dunno," he chuckled, scratching his neck nervously. "i just wrote down some things."

'Lips so good i forget my name. i swear i could give you everything.'

'i don't need my love baby you can take it. you can break it...'

"i didn't quite finish that thought though," he pointed at the last one.

"s'good," she nodded.

'if tomorrow won't be mine, baby won't you give it to me one last time?'

'I ain't up for debating, Ain't enough for the taking, you got the whole world shaking'

'I keep on holding tight now, cause your body's telling me don't let go'

"these are all really good," Ren nodded, handing him the crumpled piece of paper back. "i really mean it- they could really be something."

"you think?" he asked nervously.

"for sure," she nodded. "i really mean it," she repeated. "here let me- i'll send these to Julian."

"think he'll help?" Niall asked.

Ren nodded with a smile. "his producer Liam is aces."

to Niall: scheduled a session with Julian & a few writers be there or be square

Niall chuckled, shoving his phone back into his pocket. a square was what he wouldn't be.

Wolves. wolves came the easiest. the more he read the lyrics, the more he fell in love with it. recording in the studio was the best feeling in the world. it was coming so easy to him.

as Niall ran through the melody one more time, Jamie called him in to record it one last time. he was certain this would be the best one.

as niall poured his heart out, he hadn't even noticed Ren walk in. only when he stepped out did he notice her. she wasn't in her usual work clothes. she wore a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt but somehow it made her even more irresistible.

"that was amazing," she smiled. "those lyrics are really good- when'd you guys finish?"

"a little while ago," Julian answered. "niall's killing it in here!"

"i got chills!" Ren laughed. she shook Niall by his shoulders. "you gave me chills!"

"so i made you feel then?" he asked, amused.

"yes!" she laughed.

Niall felt pride wash over him. he made her feel.

Niall couldn't stay away no matter how hard he tried because well... after she saw him record, something changed. something within Niall changed. he didn't see her as the girl that wrecked his career, more as the one that opened his eyes.

it seemed that Ren couldn't stay away either. she showed up more and more often at the studio. she encouraged niall and acted like she really wanted to help him. Harry Styles had also popped in quite frequently, helping Niall out. They met while Niall recorded wolves and he offered his advice. Ren and her were good friends through the business. She considered him to be a good friend.

"harry," Ren whispered as Niall recorded the guitar parts.

"hm?" he hummed, sitting back. "what's wrong?"

"i um," she coughed, nervously adjusting her glasses. "i think... i think i may fancy Niall just like a tiny bit."

"you think?" harry asked, eyeing her cautiously.

"like a little bit," she nodded.

"what are we gonna do about this?" harry asked with a chuckle.

"well like he seeked me out for help, you know?" Ren mumbled. she sighed. "he's like billionaire popstar- shags upteen girls a month. he wouldn't-"

"don't finish that sentence," harry warned.

"he wouldn't want a girl like me," she rushed out.

"ren!" he shouted, shoving her.

Niall emerged from the recording room just as Ren laughed against harry. he set his guitar up and sat down next to harry. "what's so funny?"

"Ren is being intolerable," harry rolled his eyes. "see, she fancies this bloke-"

"h, no," she whined, covering her face with her hands.

"she fancies him and doesn't think the feelings are mutual- isn't that a load?" Harry asked.

"definitely," Niall nodded. he looked Ren up and down.

Ren's face burned red. she shook her head, grabbing her purse off of the table. "right well i've to go- early meeting."

"i'll walk you out," Niall offered, standing up.

the elevator ride down to the first floor was silent Ren felt anxious the whole time. it probably had to do with harry's transparency and her inability to control her embarrassment.

"so i hope you get the whole bloke* thing sorted," Niall told her as they walked towards the doors.

"yeah," she coughed awkwardly. "thanks. me too."

"so big meeting," he commented, nodding.

"right, yeah," she nodded. "you sounded great today."

he smiled, "thanks."

Ren shuffled around her apartment. she balanced a glass of wine in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other. she tucked her phone under her chin, heading for the living room. the buzzer rang maker her curse.

she set her things down and pushed the intercom. "yeah?"

muffled, "its Niall."

Ren, furrowed her eyebrows and unlocked the door. "come on up."

Ren paused the television and unlocked her door. when Niall knocked, she took a moment to breath. she opened the door with a smile. "hey."

"oh am i- am i interrupting?" Niall asked, eyes widening like he hadn't even thought of it.

"no no just r and r, come in," Ren opened the door for him to come in.

"want some wine?" she asked, offering him her glass.

"ah no," Niall chuckled. "i drove.. but um i was- have you been online lately?"

"as in..." Ren trailed off.

"as in have you googled either me or you in the last *hm twenty four hours?" he asked, sitting down across from her.

"um no," she raised an eyebrow. "should i?"

"no uh definitely not!" he rushed out. "just- there have been a few reports of things between us as more than just colleagues."

colleagues. ouch.

"oh," she replied quietly.

"i didn't want you to get freaked out or anything my PR. they needed a story i guess," he shrugged. "i just wanted to clear things up and i hope this didn't mess anything up with that bloke of yours."

"oh no..." she trailed off. "it didn't quite work out."

"that's shite," he frowned empathetically.

"yeah..." she sighed, sitting up. "so was there something else or..."

"no that's it," he smiled. "sorry for dropping by so late i was just worried."

"yeah s'fine," she nodded. "i've a show to watch so."

"right yeah," he nodded. "and thanks so much for hooking me up with Julian and Harry. they're brill."

"yeah," she forced out a smile.

and something about it sounded suspiciously like a goodbye which maybe she wasn't exactly ready for. she frowned as he left. how could a person be so oblivious?

it was the American Music Awards. this was important- for The Rolling Stone. they sent Ren on the red carpet to snag some words from a few newer faces. it was fun. it gave Ren an excuse to dress up and drink champagne that was way too expensive.

Ren saw Niall down the other end of the carpet. he looked amazing. Ren frowned, looking away. Louis nudged her and scolded her with a look. she sighed. "sorry."

"look there's Andra Day," he pointed to her. "she'd have a few words to say."

Ren approached her with a warm smile and a hand shake. "I'm Ren and this is Louis. we're from rolling stone mag and i was wondering...."

Niall was making his way through the interviews and photos. he saw Ren when he least expected it. all train of thought was lost. Ren laughed, squeezing Charlie Puth's shoulder. he narrowed his eyes. of all people.

Charlie pulled Ren in for a hug. he rubbed her back in a way that wasn't exactly as platonic as he'd hoped. Niall remembers the charlie puth article well. she raved about his melodies and the riffs- the riffs. she just loved his riffs. if you asked Niall, his music was only alright.

Janice nudged Niall and shook her head disapprovingly. "Niall cut it out."

"just look at them!" he scoffed. Niall shook his head. "disgusting- he's always jumping on the next girl."

"it doesn't matter," Janice, told him, voice stern. "you can't date. especially not her."

"and what's that supposed to mean?" he asked, eyebrows furrowed. the fact that Ren has a higher IQ than most of the girls he's dated said a lot to Niall. she was different.

"she's got virtually no status, babe," Janice shook her head. "you don't need that."

"so all you care about is what makes money?" Niall asked. "really? it's been five years and you can't-can't even throw me this bone."

"money is first- always," she fluffed his hair and sent him down to the next interviewer that was waiting.

Ren was sat two tables to the left of Niall. the table was handpicked because no way would Liam, Harry and Niall have been put together by chance.

Ren shook her head. Louis laughed, handing her his glass of champagne. "y'alright?"

"look at him, Louis. flirting with Selena gomez," she shook her head again.

"it's called being friendly," Louis told her, sitting up. "and don't freak out. nothing's certain."

"except the fact that they're leaving together tonight," Ren scoffed, putting her phone down.

Louis continued to watch Selena and Niall. it looked friendly. if there was some sort of attraction, you could tell. Louis shrugged. he stirred his water, watching the rest of Niall's table. Liam was talking on the phone completely ignoring everything.

“Let’s go say hi,” Louis suggested. He’d worked with each of them two so they were well acquainted.

Harry greeted Ren with a kiss on the cheek and shook Louis’s hand. He immediately dove into a story about who he’d seen with way too much detail.

"ren," a voice interrupted them. ren internally rolled her eyes.

she looked up and smiled. "hi."

"you look amazing," Niall said, standing up. he hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.

"thanks," she replied, stepping back. "anyways harry are we still on for brunch tomorrow?" Ren asked.

"of course," he grinned.

"Harry and i always have brunch after these things. he helps me do best and worst dressed for my blog," Ren smiled. "actually Louis you should come. it's hilarious. We've made bets on who it'd be. I say Taylor momden but Harry says Gaga- but she looks amazing in everything- even the meat dress."

"Right," harry laughed. "who do you say?"

"i gotta say my girl Mariah," Louis shook his head. "she's my queen but no."

"brunch tomorrow?" Niall asked.

"wanna come?" Harry asked him. "it's a lot of fun."

"sounds ace," he smiled. Ren cringed.

Ren dreaded brunch. she purposely invited louis because she knew harry and Louis got on well and he was an absolute riot. now she felt like harry was plotting against her and Ren didn't quite like that feeling.

Ren and Louis were the first ones there. She ordered a coffee, and shifted in her seat. “god i hate harry," Ren shook her head. "Niall just dropped me you know? as soon as i gave him the smallest info he was like great thanks but i don't really need to talk to you anymore- if he even tries it i swear."

"what are you gonna do?" louis asked. "blush and look away- don't fool yourself Ren."

Ren rolled her eyes at Louis. She pulled her ipad out as Harry sat down. Harry sent Ren a bright smile. she rolled her eyes at him.

"cheer up, buttercup," harry grinned.

"i'm angry at you," she muttered.

"why?" he laughed.

"you invited Niall!" she cried. "you know my feelings on that situation."

"he wanted to come," harry defended himself. "would you have told him no?"

"yes," ren huffed. "louis here is special so i invited him. he's got sass and i feel like i need to write something with sass."

"everything you write has sass," Harry snorted. "and that's not an exaggeration."

"figures he'd be late, though." Ren rolled her eyes. "typical snobby pop star."

"heyyy," harry frowned.

"no you're different," Ren promised him. "your a nice genuine human being that didn't lose himself in fame. you're you. it's refreshing."

"what's refreshing?" Niall asked, greeting them. he smiled brightly.

"harry," Ren shrugged. "he's a genuine human being. it's refreshing to meet one of those."

"yeah i know what you mean," Niall agreed. "it is refreshing."

Ren looked away, smiling at louis. she breathed out a sigh feeling the tension settle over them.

"right so best dressed?" Louis asked, setting them all back on to the task at hand.

"right," ren nodded. "so you've all got best dressed people?"

Niall nodded as did harry. "what if they're not celebrities per say?"

"then what are they?" Ren asked, leaning forward.

"well i mean..." he trailed off, setting his phone on the table.

It was a photo of Ren from the back. her head was turned only slightly. her dress flowed down effortlessly much like her brunette curls.

Ren sat back, shock settling in. "me?"

Niall nodded. "yeah."

Louis and harry exchanged a look. Niall stared into Ren's eyes. she looked away too quick for him to read her eyes.

"right well i can't exactly vote meself as best dressed," she chuckled nervously, looking away.

Niall smiled watching as she became flustered. she nervously tapped on the ipad until Louis offered his opinion.

Ren would totally take the piss for this later from louis.

"Niall Horan has had a rough couple of months. Rolling stone magazines, Soren Maude tore him a new one right after his newest album, Take Me home was released. According to a source Soren and Niall continued to work together especially on this song. here's your exclusive first listen to Niall Horan's newest single! here's his newest sound, Wolves."

Ren's eyes widened as the first riff came across the radio. she was shook. Niall's voice was clear and bright and everything she didn't know she needed. Niall's new sound was transforming right before her eyes and the thing was, it was all because of her.

Ren'a phone rang making her jump. she grabbed it off of the table, answering. "hello?"

"Ren!" a voice shouted. "Turn on the radio!"

"i am i am!" she yelled.

"doesn't he sound amazing!" harry exclaimed.

he really does, ren thought and it was the purest thought she's had all day. Ren smiled to herself. she was proud of Niall.

Niall opened his door. the delivery man handed him a large basket filled with fruit, cheese, wine, and a t-shirt. it had a card stuck to it: congratulations!! he furrowed his eyebrows. "who's this from?"

the delivery man looked down at his sheet. "uh it says The Rolling Stone!”

Niall smiled. "thanks a lot."

Ren had just returned back to the office after meeting up with Charlie Puth. they first met a few months ago and he offered to take her out for lunch. how could she resist?

it's like Niall just knew. he knew when Ren was moved on. it was the only reasonable explanation why he was even there. media caught wind and Niall had to be the first one to tell her why it's a bad idea.

"is the boy Charlie?" Niall asked, following Ren into her office.

"no," she replied hesitantly. "why?"

"because you went to lunch with him," Niall stated plainly. "i don't think you should hang out with him."

"and why not?" ren asked, raising an eyebrow.

"because he's... he's got a record, Ren. he talks to like a million girls and he's not quiet about it. you'll end up plastered on his twitter page by the time you wake up."

"you don't even know what you're talking about," Ren huffed. "it was business and i told you the thing with the bloke fizzled out."

"yeah but i know you don't give up that easily," he smiled. "besides i just- Charlie Puth?"

"What i hate more than someone telling me who i can't see is someone that thinks they're entitled to dictate my life," Ren turned around. "Niall don't start with me."

"i'm just looking out for you!" he cried, sitting down, exasperated.

"no," Ren shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "if you can parade Selena Gomez around than i can do whatever the hell with whoever the hell i want."

"Ren that's not even- it's not the same," he shook his head. "you don't understand."

"you're right i don't!" she laughed humorlessly. "i don't understand why you think you have a right to tell me who i can or can't date or see or whatever."

"fine but don't say i didn't warn you," Niall stood up.

'spotted! Charlie Puth and writer Soren Maude getting cozy in a sweet NYC cafe. Bye Bye Bella! Could Soren be Charlie's next GF?'

a source close to soren says that the two have been getting pretty close after she wrote an article about him last fall. the source also says that Soren expects this to get really serious really soon! Now nothing's confirmed but if Charlie's tweets are anything to go by, we should expect a confirmation soon! we look forward to seeing more of these two!

Ren clenched her jaw, tossing her phone down onto her bed. this had Niall written all over it.

so niall was called into his managements office early the next morning. he was a bit weary granted he leaked some information to the media- it wasn't exactly true but nonetheless.

Niall hesitantly sat down. Janice and Dane, along with the rest of his team stared at him as he situated himself.

"glad you could join us," Janice raised an eyebrow. "so you've been busy, huh?"

"look it wasn't- i didn't plan on doing it," he mumbled.

"i could care less about that bloody article," she huffed. "the real problem is that we miscalculated- big time."

"erm what?" Niall asked, confused as to what was going on.

"it seems that soren is a very prominent figure in the media world- her social media has nearly sixty thousand followers and she tweets about real stuff like the syrian refugees and- and global news. she's socially aware and as we try to strengthen your image, Soren is the way to go."

"Janice is right," Dane nodded. "you don't have many friends or even people you could say are on your side so an in with Rolling Stone would do wonders for you."

"soren and i aren't really talking right now," Niall told them. he shook his head becoming frustrated with himself all over again.

"make it work, do you hear me?" Janice warned. "your image is vital for your next album coming up. your single was perceived well but it was the one that would make the most money. if Soren writes a good review than we're set."

"but she won't," niall corrected her. "no matter if we're friends or not, she cares about music. if my music sucks she won't tell the world it's good. she isn't like that."

"then we'll just have to make her do it," Janice shrugged.

"you're gonna pay me how much to write a good review on him?" Ren asked, eyes wide.

"Niall's image is important. you write this review and the media will get off your back, simple as that," Janice shrugged.

holy hell, ren thought. desperateness lingered in the air. Ren momentarily thought about abandoning her values for that lump sum. Ren left undecided and distraught. what was more important?

Ren set her tablet down on the table and anxiously clicked her pen. needless to say, Ren's boss all but forced her into it. She threatened to give Louis Ren's job.

Niall sat down across from her. he smiled. "hey."

"i'm still pissed at you," Ren told him. "but i'm being forced to do this so it's whatever. let's just get this over with."

"okay," he nodded, shifting in his seat.

Ren clicked the voice recorder on and propped it on the table. she sighed heavily, rereading the questions that were prewritten for her.

"so with a new album coming out, you've also decided on a new sound. how do you describe this new sound?" Ren asked.

"Well a good friend of mine pushed me to really challenge myself with the writing. she inspired me to use my real emotions not just the ones i thought people wanted to hear. I really owe it all to her because over the years i'd lost my love for writing almost giving up completely and now i have a lot to be thankful for."

Ren sat up and clicked the recorder off. "seriously cut the crap."

"it's not crap. it's the truth," he replied, tone biting.

"you do talk some shit don't you Horan," she shook her head. ren turned the recorder back on and sighed.

"so fans have been dying to know about the inspiration behind these songs? are they just from feelings or real life experiences or what's going on there?" Ren asked.

"quite a few of them are based on real situations i've been in though i can't reveal any names yet. I think the biggest inspiration behind this album is the concept of home, you know? like as i travel and move from place to place there's no where that really feels like home anymore and thorough these songs i don't know they just- they feel like home."

and wow. Ren wasn't expecting that. she begrudgingly felt herself become more and more captivated by him. Ren mentally cursed himself because this wasn't supposed to happen.

"right," she breathed out. "so how do you think your fans- or really anyone that listens to the album will react?"

"good hopefully," Niall chuckled. "i've poured everything into this album so i'm really nervous to see how people respond."

Ren rolled her eyes as she read the next question to herself. "fans have been going crazy over photos of you and Selena gomez last month. any juicy details you wanna share?"

"no," he chuckled. "Sel and i are good friends. we collabed last year and got to know each other. she's a really great singer- amazing vocals."

Ren sighed again. "so there's been a small leak with a few of your songs how d'you feel?"

"i actually had no idea," he laughed. "but wow first i'd like to know how?"

ren shook her head. "really couldn't tell ya."

Niall reached forward and clicked he voice recorded off. he raised an eyebrow at her. "what's wrong?"

"these questions are shite!" she exclaimed. "this is clearly only a pr stunt. i cant- i'm sorry i cant write this."

"it's not that bad," he shrugged.

"i write for the rolling stone, Niall," she shook her head. "if this gets published like it's a gossip magazine then everyone's in trouble."

"well it is a Pr stunt," he clarified. "and this falls back on both of our managers."

"no," she sat up. ren turned the voice recorder on and opened a new page in her notebook. "in a past interview you mentioned that a lot of your music was inspired by classics like The eagles, Fleetewood mack, sinatra- why do you sing pop which is clearly the opposite of them?"

Niall chuckled wryly. "right so those are really who i grew up listening to and i guess i've always had dreams of becoming someone like them not necessarily being exactly who they are and i guess Pop is where i can succeed."

"okay," Ren smiled. "so do you have any advice for someone just starting out?"

Niall smiled. "the Industry is hard to break into so the most important thing to remember is don't give up. someone believes in you even if it doesn't seem like it. usually it gets harder before it gets better but it's all worth it when you get to do what you love."

"is this what you love?" ren asked. "i mean there have been times where you've felt discouraged? where it almost seemed like you'd give up?"

"yeah, actually," he cleared his throat. he sat up. "this happened about two years ago my mum she lost her battle to leukemia and it was probably the hardest thing i've ever gone through," he shook his head. "when she was gone it seemed like there wasn't a reason. for life. she was my world, you know? but as time went on i found that life got easier."

"you never- songs never came from that?" Ren asked.

Niall gave her a look. "my team said it wouldn't sell."

"so most of your career has been dictated by what would sell?" Ren asked.

Niall sighed, "you know you can't publish any of this right?"

ren shrugged. "just maybe i will. now answer the question."

"then yes. i'd say the sound i have now is mine- like properly mine. i wrote with some really amazing people and i guess basically i've produced this on my own without my team breathing down the neck. from the singles to-to the artwork, it's all really mine."

"so music is obviously your life..." she nodded.

"right," he agreed.

"but will there ever be a day that you just decide this isn't for me anymore? will you ever want to settle down and stay out of the lime light?"

"yeah of course," he nodded. "i probably won't quit altogether because performing is what i really love. i think a quiet life would be nice but only if i've got someone. it'd be nice with someone else but not alone."

"alright," ren breathed out. she turned her recorder off and slipped it into her purse. "thanks- i think i can make a proper article out of this now."

"ren please don't do anything to destroy my career," he gave her a worried look.

"i will consult my boss and he'll let me know what's acceptable. your people didn't blacklist anything so as far i'm concerned, it's their arses i'm burning."

"okay," he laughed. "stay for lunch?"

"i uh can't," she gave him an apologetic smile. "i've prior engagements but by all means let Rolling Stone pick up the tab."

"thats the least of my worries," he chuckled. "but thanks."

Niall's jaw clenched as he saw the photos of Charlie and Soren walking around new york. it wasn't fair. he angrily clicked through the pictures only stopping when he came across one of the two kissing, clearly unaware of the paparazzi snapping photos.

something's gotta give now.

as it turns out the only reason his team set up their interview was to get photos of them together. Niall was almost as mad at Ren.

so now, Ren was caught it this messy love triangle created by the media. Niall's fans boarded her twitter with all sorts of responses. it was then that she decided this wasn't gonna work.

"we have to talk," Ren announced as she walked into the recording studio. Liam, Julian, Harry and Niall all blinked at her like she was crazy.

it wasn't proper recording etiquette to barge in like this. is really messed with the flow which ren could honestly care less about.

"ren we're recording," liam told her. "well about to- you're really disrupting the creative process."

ren set an article from the sun down in front of Niall. "this has got to stop."

"what?" Niall asked.

'Soren Maude has been making waves with all sorts of boys the past month. she's been spotted with both Charlie Puth and Niall Horan in span of two hours. will she be our next Taylor Swift?! We've got our eye on you Soren! Ladies hide you man because she's not stopping now!'

Niall frowned, "well i can see where the problem lies now."

"the fact that i am dating neither of you. the fact that they're using my assumed sexuality as grounds for humiliation?" she cried. "does any of it make sense! no!"

"you're not dating Charlie?" Niall asked.

"no!" she cried. "i've told you over and over. i'm helping him with a song he's working on."

"so let's figure out how to get you out of this then," Niall nodded.

"how about..." Ren pulled her phone out and went straight to twitter.

'just a little disclaimer, i'm not dating. either way it doesn't constitute for scrutiny'

'a female can sleep with as many blokes or women she wants!!! it's not the medias job to scold us!!!!'

ren shoved her phone into her pocket. "there."

"okay well that was very poorly handled," Niall sighed. "my team was using you."

"using me? for what?" Ren asked, affronted.

"they thought that my name circulating with charlie's would be like good for business or something," he shrugged. "and they wanted me to go along with it- i refused but like now they're gonna be pissed."

"this is just unbelievable!" she exclaimed.

"o-okay," Harry stood up. "air?" he asked. "lets go walk it off, yeah?"

Ren shook her head, anger coursing through her. She loathed the industry. it's like being a woman meant being a walking target. being used!! like she's an object!!!

Harry guided Ren out the door. she shook her head, "harry I'm pissed. i'm so pissed. do you understand what's going on? i'm like- i'm * fuming!"

"i know," harry nodded. "i get it. it's frustrating but you can't change it. no one can. you just have to accept it because at the end of the day who you think you are can only be changed by those who affect you."

"okay shut it, harold," Ren huffed, looking away. "what do you know."

"a heck of a lot, actually," he chuckled. "just try to relax."

"i can't relax!" ren shouted.

"why does fake dating Niall hurt so much?" harry asked, confused. "like i don't understand why you're freaking out so much."

"because like- he'd never go for me, Harry," ren shook her head. "and now it just confirms that because i see the way he is. he doesn't want me, Harry. His fans definitely don't either so it being out there is just complete shite."

"you don't know that!" harry cried. "you have to tell him."

"i cant," she pulled away. "no way. ever. Niall can't know i fancy him."

Niall emerged from behind the big black doors of the recording room. He gave Ren a smile. "i talked to janice and things are... what's going on?"

"nothing," ren sighed. "i'm- im going."

"wait no," Niall grabbed Ren's hand. his eyes softened as he looked down at her. "what's wrong?"

"boy troubles," Harry answered for her. he shook his head empathetically.

"anything i can help with?" Niall asked, rubbing his thumb over Ren's knuckles. "you look really upset."

"no it's-it's nothing," Ren breathed out. "i'm fine. i just need some sleep and-and a glass of wine."

Niall nodded, "you'll text me if you need something, yeah?"

"i guess," she nodded, brows furrowed. "why're you being so nice to me? i just ruined your pr stunt and yelled at you."

Niall shrugged, "PR always fixes itself and well... you always yell at me. you don't mean anything by it."

"okay," ren replied quietly. she was still confused because here they were, Niall holding her hand. they were crossing the lines. Ren specifically draws lines and it was completely unfair that he-he just crosses them as if they don't even exist.

"and i think if this bloke, whoever he is doesn't recognize how amazing you are, than he definitely isn't worth it," Niall told her. he dropped her hand and smiled softly.

the irony. ren only hummed in response and muttered a quiet "thanks."

"so text me okay?" Niall asked, taking a couple steps back toward the doors. "i really mean it."

ren nodded, turning away. she let out a heavy sigh, slumping against the wall as Niall disappeared back inside. harry squeezed her hand and frowned empathetically. "text him."

Ren wound up at Louis's tiny apartment in Brooklyn. she was deeply distraught over the weird night she was having. Louis always knew how to cheer her up.

Louis opened the door and greeted her with a big hug. she relaxed against him, breathing out a deep sigh.

"everything okay?" Louis asked, smoothing her hair out. he rubbed her back, letting her hug him.

Ren pulled away only when his cat, Winston rubbed against her leg. she picked him up, kissing him on the head.

"i'm okay," she replied quietly.

"harry texted me," Louis told her, getting two wine glasses out of his cupboard. "says Niall did a number on you today."

"he held my hand, louis," she cried, setting winston down. "what does it mean?"

"like how'd he hold it?" louis asked, pouring her a glass of wine.

"like harry said i had some stuff going on and i said i was fine and then i tried to go but he grabbed my hand he rubbed my knuckles and proceeded to hold my hand for like two whole minutes."

"that's a tough one," louis nodded. "he really did wanna hold your hand, though. i think he was trying to like break the boundaries, you know? like you guys have always been pretty professional so maybe he wanted to show you he was interested without kissing you or something."

"no Louis," she replied quietly. she sipped her wine. "don't give me false hope."

Ren was seated right next to Niall at the showing for Harry's new movie Dunkirk. she was upset about it and somehow she thought it was the workings of Harry himself.

"you look great," Niall told her, looking her up and down.

"thanks," Ren smiled. she looked away. louis squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"okay?" Louis asked.

"perfect," she replied dryly.

Niall leaned forward, looking at ren. "guess what."

"what?" she asked, crossing her legs. she smoothed her dress out and tried not to focus too much on the way Niall looked at her.

"janice talked to your boss. next year when i tour, you're coming with me," he told her.

"um what?" Ren asked.

"it's part of a miniseries where about me and touring and the fans- it'll be so good," Niall smiled. "i'm really excited."

"no one even thought to consult me?" she asked. "like it's my career not hers, not yours. i don't even get a say?"

"i figured you'd be okay with it," Niall replied quietly. "i mean if you don't want to then we can cancel, i guess."

"that's not the point!" she exclaimed. "it's my life you're messing with. don't you have any consideration. i don't want to work with you, alright? it was a mistake to do it in the first place."

Niall winced. "ouch."

"look i don't think you get it," she sat up. "i cant work with you because... because."

the lights went down and the opening credits started. Ren mentally cursed, sitting back in her seat. she lost her chance.

"ren," Niall whispered, tapping her on the shoulder.

"shhhh!"

ren shook her head. "not now."

instead of focusing on the movie, all Ren could do was think about telling Niall. it was a pure moment of weakness because as the lights came back on she felt fear more than anything as Niall looked at her expectantly.

"no i can't tell you," ren took a step back. "i'm sorry i-"

Ren couldn't do it. she was overwhelmed by Niall's big blue eyes. she shook her head stepping back again. "i'm sorry," she repeated before heading for the door.

Ren really didn't know what she got herself into. She didn't know how much longer she could act normal as she fell for Niall more and more with each passing day.

Ren all but blocked Niall from her life only turning towards his music for comfort which she really wasn't proud of.

the fall rolled around and soon enough Niall's album was out on full display. just listening to it, Ren's heart broke. he sang about heart break and love and home and things he wished he had. some songs brought tears to her eyes because she did that. she inspired that and she pushed that away.

Ren felt the self loathing coming on as she rolled out of bed. all of the thoughts were jumbled around in her head. her migraine was excruciating. the rain pounded down on the windows. Ren frowned, pulling a clean cup out of her cupboard. she turned the kettle on and slumped down in a chair.

Ren clicked through her notifications. she found twitter to be annoying these days. her follower count has gone up but the many of them are just dying for her to tweet someone even remotely related to Niall.

Ren shook her head, setting her phone down. she poured herself a cup of tea and started to get ready for her day. she had meetings lined up from nine up until seven when she could finally leave.

Ren flipped through her wardrobe only settling when she found a t-shirt dress that would come across dressy but in reality she could care less. Ren threw on a jean jacket and a pair of boots and deemed herself presentable.

and so it began.

the lot of Ren's meetings focused upon her image which was annoying. Her boss, Louise wouldn't let it go. especially after her blow up with niall- in front of a lot of important people.

Ren drug her feet all day. she sat through HR meetings and tech meetings and lectures about what good interview etiquette was. apparently co-writers were spotted getting friendly with a few of their sources.

Ren all but cried when she got into her car. it was definitely one of the hardest days of her life for some reason. Louis begged her to come out but Harry had already asked to look over some songs with her.

reluctantly, ren agreed. she brought louis along because really, life is hard without her person with her.

Ren nearly collapsed on harry's couch. she whined at harry to take her shoes off of her aching feet. harry with a roll of his eyes agreed.

only then did she realize that harry wasn't alone. Niall emerged from the bathroom, greeting her with a bright smile. "long time no see, eh? how's things?"

"fine," ren sat upright. she cleared her throat awkwardly, smoothing her dress out. "and with you?"

"good," Niall nodded. "will i see you at the album release party tomorrow?"

"dunno i might have plans or something," she shrugged.

"lies," louis shook his head. "we'll be there."

"sick!" he grinned. "i'll mark you two down."

Ren knew one day eventually she'd thank louis and harry for their interjections but right now, she was beyond aggravated with them.

"so here's a few songs i've been working on," harry handed her a couple of papers. "let me know what you think."

Ren read them over trying to forget how intensely niall was staring at her. it was distracting and Ren was sure her face was deceiving her as a hot blush made its way over her.

Ren shifted in her seat. Niall watched her.

"so these are good," ren nodded. "i really like the vibe you've got going on- little bit of heartbreak, little bit of john mayer. it works."

"thanks," harry smiled.

and niall thought it was so interesting how everyone around Ren just seeked her approval. he was a little curious and somehow proud because well... he didn't really know why. Niall got her approval sometimes and that made him proud too. with harry it seemed a bit different because he was much more experienced than Niall and he seemed more put together but as it turns out, Ren keeps people put together.

"what'd you study in uni?" Niall asked before he had time to stop himself.

"i studied journalism with a minor in songwriting. i ended up getting my bachelors in it a few years ago," ren nodded. "so i do know a little bit about music."

"i never knew that," he replied quietly. "so like you could potentially have a career song writing?"

"i guess," ren shrugged. "i would never, though. because writing is really what i love."

Niall nodded. "okay."

"so how about some drinks?" Harry asked, standing up.

"i'll have a red!" Ren replied almost immediately.

"do you have any white?" louis asked, sitting up. "red gives me nightmares."

harry laughed, nodding. He went to the kitchen to start the drinks.

"i'll help harry," Ren stood up. "Niall, a drink?"

"a beer is fine," he smiled, nodding. he watched Ren walk away flustered. she shook her head as she walked into the kitchen.

louis laughed, shaking his head. "i swear some things don't change. Ren was a proper nerd in high school. couldn't talk to blokes to save her life. even now."

"so who's the boy?" Niall asked, raising an eyebrow.

"ah," Louis laughed. "the million dollar question. i won't spill her secrets."

"is it someone I know?" Niall asked. "so i can make sure he stays the hell away from her."

louis let out a strangled groan, rubbing his face. "i can't tell. she'll kill me. i'm sorry."

"well if you tell me than i can promise you that you'll have harry wrapped around your little finger by the end of this month," Niall raised an eyebrow.

Louis was torn. he stood up. "a drink, Niall?"

Niall laughed, "come on!"

louis chuckled, sitting down. "Ren is special especially to me. she- she needs to do this on her own because like this bloke she likes is very special to her and her finally saying who it is would be like her overcoming a fear or obstacle or something. Ren needs this to better herself in a way."

"yeah but... she's so vague about it," Niall shrugged. "and i just don't see why it's a big deal if I know. you know and harry knows and even liam knows. i know we're not like best friends but i don't get why it has to be a big secret- oh." Niall's eyes widened.

Louis's eyes widened too- his in fear for what Ren would do to him. "Niall you can't- i didn't tell you! i did not utter those words to you, do you hear me?"

"she..." Niall trailed off. "i didn't think- i didn't think she fancied me. she's so standoffish sometimes and it really messes with me but fuck, louis. do you know what this means?"

"that i'm absolutely dead," Louis cried. "that i'll never get my person. that Ren will kill me before i even get to fall in love!"

"no!" Niall laughed, sitting up. "everything's gonna work out!"

Ren and Harry came back seconds later. Ren handed Niall his drink and sat back down across from him. Harry handed Louis his with a wink. (louis was melting)

"so what did i miss?" Harry asked, settling back in his seat.

"nothing much," Niall shrugged. "louis and i chatted about the album party."

"yeah?" harry asked. "should i bring a present?"

"for what?" Niall laughed.

"dunno," harry shrugged. "congratulations? i like to give gifts."

"gifts aren't necessary but i appreciate the thought," Niall smiled. "just bring yourself and i'll be thrilled."

"are you excited for the party?" louis asked, sitting up. "heard Beyoncé's gonna be there."

"yeah she is," Niall chuckled. "she's a good friend. i stayed with her and drake a few years ago. they're fuckin wild."

Ren finished her glass of wine and stood up, heading back into the kitchen. she came back with the bottle this time and promptly sat back down.

"rough day," harry explained.

Ren shook her head, "you've no idea."

"everything alright?" Niall asked.

"did you know that ignorant newly hired employees have caused lots and lots of pain for our office," Ren shook her head. "because of the habitual flirting, HR has decided that the sexual relations between interviewers and interviewees has been banned and so we sat through a three hour seminar on why it should be banned."

"so like... anyone you've ever interviewed?" Niall asked. "like you couldn't shag someone you interviewed."

"arse if i know," Ren shrugged, pouring another glass of wine. "i was watching netflix as the stupid bloke went over it."

"and apparently my image is hurting magazine sales," ren shook her head. she paused, chugging the glass of wine. "and so i've been put on temporary leave until things settle down."

"i had no idea..." Niall trailed off. "my team... they... it wasn't supposed to hurt you."

"well it did," she shrugged, pouring the last of the wine into her glass. she frowned, shaking her head. "the hell, harry? it's gone."

"i think that's enough anyways," Harry nodded. "remember what we talked about?"

"oh bugger off!" Ren shouted, leaning back. "i can drink as much as i very well please."

"yes well i was informed that you didn't want to embarrass yourself tonight," harry raised an eyebrow. "or did you just lie?"

"i don't bloody care!" ren cried. "i'm nearly fired, the boy i fancy barely even looks at me, my mum refuses to talk to me, what have i got to lose?"

Harry sighed, "ren."

ren finished her last glass of wine and grabbed her purse off of the table. "lou grab my shoes. i'll drive you home."

"no way in hell are you driving," louis stood up. he took her keys from her and tossed them to harry. "sit down, we're gonna be here for a long time."

"louis!" she whined stomping her feet. "i just wanna go home."

"i'll-i'll drive you," Niall stood up.

"no!" ren whined, trying to push him away.

Niall sighed. he picked Ren up, throwing her over his shoulder. he grabbed her shoes and her purse and headed for the door.

"let me go!" Ren shouted, kicking her feet. "everyone's gonna see me bum!"

Niall shook his head, opening the front door. "i'm taking you home."

"how do i know you won't kidnap me?" ren asked, voice softer.

"i promise," Niall told her. he set her down next to the passenger side of her car. he unlocked the door with an arm wrapped around her waist partly because he didn't trust her, and party because it was way too much fun to make Ren blush.

Niall buckled Ren in and closed the door. she looked angry but maybe it was just because Niall had taken her liberties away for two seconds.

Niall got in the car and sighed. "where do you live?"

"not telling," ren turned away, lips curling into a smile.

Niall laughed, "Ren, tell me."

"i forget," she shrugged, still smiling.

"you're not even drunk enough to forget," he laughed. "tell me."

"just drive and i'll tell you," Ren told him.

"i don't believe you but fine," he laughed, starting the car.

needless to say, ren was hungry so was it really her fault that she got her house and mcdonald's mixed up?

Niall shook his head, laughing. "ren this is mcdonald's."

she gasped, unbuckling her seatbelt. "what? i was almost positive this was my apartment."

"your hungry?" Niall asked.

Ren nodded, sitting up. she smiled so eagerly that like Niall couldn't possibly say no. Niall chuckled. "very well."

for a brief moment it felt like this was what he was meant to be doing. and then Niall felt a pang of sadness hit him because the chances of this happening were slim.

"you have to put your shoes on," Niall told her, handing her shoes.

ren rolled her eyes, begrudgingly taking them. "don't boss me around, alright?"

"whatever you say," Niall chuckled.

Niall and ren walked into Mcdonalds a few moments later. he thought for sure they'd be recognized. then they were.

"can i have two number ones, uh extra fries," Niall ordered. "ren what do you want?"

Ren laughed, leaning against the counter. "funny."

"no," Niall laughed. "uh also a chocolate milkshake, a large soda and hm... ren anything special you'd like?"

"i want a chocolate milk," she straightened up, smiling.

"how old are you," Niall asked, eyebrow raised.

"i'm twenty six!" she cried. "twenty six year olds and everyone can enjoy chocolate milk!"

"whatever you say," he laughed.

"what's this stigma with chocolate milk?" ren asked. "anyone over the age of seven is ostracized?"

Niall laughed, "for a second i was fooled that you were actually sober but now i'm not so sure."

ren rolled her eyes at him. "i need to call Louis."

"why?" Niall asked.

"to tell him where i'm at. i'm sure he's wondering why in the hell you've kidnapped me," ren shook her head. "he's gonna be pissed."

"the only one pissed is you," he laughed, taking her phone. he shoved it into his pocket. "we're gonna eat and then i'll take you home."

"sir, your order is ready," the cashier said, pointing to the food on the counter. "was there anything else you needed?"

"no i think we're good," Niall smiled. "thanks though."

"no problem," he smiled.

"and hey, i uh i saw you taking some photos just- don't post them for a while, yeah?" Niall asked.

"oh i uh- okay," he nodded.

"thanks," Niall smiled, handing ren the empty cup (as she was begging to hold something)

Niall knew he rags would get their hands on this and somehow he really didn't care. he knew ren would but that was just a problem to worry about tomorrow.

sure enough, when Niall woke up the next morning, their faces were plastered on the sun. Niall couldn't find it in himself to be bothered by it.

Ren looked more drunk than he realized as they walked into the restaurant. there were some good photos, he wouldn't lie. most of them was Ren hanging off of Niall or ren stealing Niall's food or Ren falling as they tried to leave.

ren rolled over, eyebrows furrowed. she smelled like fast food. for a moment she was confused before the events of last night came rushing back to her.

louis sat down next to Ren and chuckled. he leaned over and pulled a french fry out of her hair. "rough night?"

"just tell me how bad it is," Ren mumbled, pulling the sheets up to her chin.

"well," louis pulled her phone out. "i found it to be very endearing- Niall did too however the general public thinks it was hm unclassy? trashy? not cute."

"well i had a bad day," ren grumbled.

"fixed it," louis announced with a smile.

'bad days make for even drunker nights LOL soz.'

"wow you handled that with grace and nonchalance," ren snorted, sitting up. "oh bloody hell. niall's party is tonight isn't it?"

"it is," louis laughed. "and we're going now get up you've a meeting today."

"with who?" ren asked. "i got fired."

"you got fired?" louis asked, confused.

"well after last night i'm pretty sure i've been deemed unfit to represent the magazine," Ren shrugged.

"well it's with niall's producer, Liam and the sales director," Louis shrugged. "dunno. the meetings in a couple hours. shower yourself you smell like fast food."

Ren grunted, getting out of bed. "you're a really great friend, Lou."

"thanks peaches," he kissed her on the head. he frowned, pulling another french fry out of her messy curls. "seriously, ren did you bath in them last night?"

Ren laughed, "i wouldn't be surprised, honestly."

"so you are credited with helping Niall with six songs?" Jim, sales director asked.

"yeah i guess," ren nodded.

"yeah there was Wolves, Where do broke hearts go, erm Olivia, Never enough, Girl Almighty, and Better than words."

"right," Ren nodded. "yeah six."

"so here i have your royalties," Jim said, handing her a very large check. "i just need you to sign this paper stating that you've indeed received them and from here on out we can't be held accountable for the money."

"um okay," ren replied dumbly, she sighed the paper hesitantly.

Liam gave her a smile, "ya alright?"

"uh yeah," she chuckled. "i just- i didn't expect this."

"enjoy," Liam smiled. "go on a vacation. treat yourself."

"i think i just might," Ren chuckled. "thanks so much."

"no problem," Liam smiled. "will i see you tonight?"

"uh maybe," she shrugged. "dunno if Niall wants to be seen with me after last night."

"oh please," liam chuckled. "trust me, it's funny more than anything. don't worry about it. people will forget about it by next week. come. it'd mean a lot to niall."

"yeah i might," ren nodded, sitting back in her chair. and she just might have the time of her life tonight.

Louis and Ren showed up together. She wore a blue dress that louis said fit her in all the right places. she wasn't entirely convinced but that wasn't the point. Ren wanted to have some fun and Louis promised her a good time.

as soon as Harry spotted Louis, he dragged him away to talk to everyone. Ren went to the bar, ordering a martini. she sat down and drank it slowly. she was too sober to properly have fun especially with all of these important people around.

Ren spotted Beyoncé dancing with her husband and even Selena. Ren tried not to be jealous as she talked to Niall. he looked very interested in what she had to say.

Ren rolled her eyes, ordering another drink. Charlie sat down next to her with a grin. "drinking all by yourself?"

"yeah," she chuckled. "my friends went off. I think? not sure. i shouldn't have come."

"Niall horan parties are where it's at," Charlie told her.

"i guess," Ren shrugged. she looked around. "i feel like everyone's staring at me."

"oh," he chuckled. "the article?"

"you saw it too?" ren all but cried.

"yes," he laughed. "i can assure you they're all looking at you because of that dress and not that stupid article."

"right," she chuckled, standing up.

"charlie!" a voice shouted. ren cringed. she thought she was ready but really, she wasnt. "glad you could make it."

"wouldn't miss it for the world," charlie grinned.

"ren," Niall greeted her. "feeling better?"

"uh yeah," she forced out a smile. "i suppose."

"good," Niall smiled. "you look, great by the way. new dress?"

"yes actually," Ren played with the hem of her dress. "i seemed to have received quite a bit of money recently? know anything about it?"

"ah," Niall chuckled. "the royalties. they're treating you well i hope?"

"they are," ren nodded. "to a new dress and a fresh manicure," she held her hand up for proof.

"good i'm glad," Niall nodded.

"so..." charlie cleared his throat. "ren wanna dance?"

Niall watched her intently waiting for her answer. he held his breath. Ren looked torn. she frowned, setting her glass down.

"i uh-"

"come on you love this song!" charlie exclaimed. "remember when we-"

"charlie no," she shook her head. "i'm not really in a dancing mood."

"well come find me later," he told her, kissing her on the cheek.

“so you slept with him," Niall commented quietly.

"months ago before I’d ever met you- before I even wrote the article,” Ren told him. "i didn't sleep with him again it was just stupid i don't know why he'd bring it back up i told him it was..."

Niall wondered why Ren was so desperate to get him to believe her. well he knew. Niall wanted Ren to figure it out herself, as Louis had said.

"i believe you," Niall nodded, eyes softening. "charlie's a great guy and if you wanted to dance with him then i think you should."

"no i don't," she shook her head. "he'd just complicate things more. i'm trying to clean my image up, you know?"

Niall nodded, "yeah i get it."

"yeah," ren nodded. "i actually brought you something."

"no you didn't have to..." he trailed off.

Ren waved him off, reaching over the stool to grab the gift. she handed it to him with a smile. "it's nothing big."

Niall opened it carefully he smiled when he finally got all of the paper off. "ren."

"you left some of your notes behind and i was gonna give them back but i figured this was a bit nicer," she shrugged.

Ren framed a few of the lyrics they wrote together. it wasn't anything big but niall's heart swelled because Ren took the time to make it and she was excited to give it to him.

"thank you," he smiled. he pulled her into a tight hug. "this means a lot."

"no problem," she replied quietly.

"you know this album couldn't have happened without you," Niall told her. he set the picture frame down on the bar.

"that's not true," she shook her head.

"no it is, though. you were always there to push me and help me find these things within me. i've written the most vulnerable music because of you. i don't think i can ever repay you for that."

"Niall all of that was in you... you were just too afraid to go against the brand your team made for you," ren shook her head. "but i'm really proud of what you've become."

"thanks," Niall smiled. "so i was hoping you'd consider touring with me."

"i don't know," ren sighed. "there's some things i really have to do... for myself."

"it'd mean a lot..." Niall told her, voice filled with hope.

"at this point i'm not even sure i have a job anymore," ren shook her head. "and i've been doing a lot of thinking. i got a job offer in london to write for the Daily Mirror."

"but... Ren that's a tabloid," Niall furrowed his eyebrows.

"i know," she nodded. "but it's good money and-"

"but you have money," Niall argued. "the royalties- the money keeps coming from them."

"but the money is coming from you, Niall. i cant live a life knowing that where i'm at is just because of a few songs. it's like i owe you something."

"but working for a tabloid is like-is like a slap in the face don't you think? these magazines that have put you through hell, you're gonna go and work for?"

"i don't know what else to do!" she cried.

"take a break," Niall told her. "i can give you a job. a good one."

"but do you understand that you giving me a job is like- it's not what i want," she shook her head. "every time we end up sort of friends you-you always do stuff like this. why can't you just leave things be?"

"because i'm running out of excuses to see you!" he cried. "i try and i try but it's like- it's like you don't even care. i reach out and it's good for two seconds before you just close in on yourself."

"it's not as easy as you think," ren argued. "you're not exactly the easiest person to talk to."

"what's that supposed to mean?" Niall asked, offended.

"you're like- your mister popstar. you've got girls that follow you around and fans that would kill me if they could! you're not approachable and the signals you've sent me are confusing!"

okay. so Niall needed to send her explicit signals, ones that couldn't be confused for friendliness or platonicness. easy enough.

Ren was staring at niall, eyes wide with frustration. she looked like she was ready to burst. niall smiled.

"what are you smiling at?" she asked angrily.

"you," Niall replied softly.

"we are in the middle of a fight!" she yelled. "wipe that smile off of your face and argue back!"

in one swift motion, Niall stepped forward and cupped her face with one hand, her hip in another. she was nervous. Niall smiled one last time before catching her lips in a hesitant kiss. with her back pressed against the bar, Niall kissed ren the way he's imagined it so many times before. their lips moved together in sync and Niall thought this, this is what kisses are meant to be like.

Niall licked into Ren's mouth, tangling his hands through her hair. Niall was almost frantic as he kissed her. it was like the last four months of self control were coming out in full blast. Ren's soft fingers brushed against his neck and then his chin.

Ren pulled away with a blissed smile on her face. she brushed her thumb over niall's lips and kissed him one more time for good measure.

"let me... let me take care of you," Niall whispered. "write my book."

"what?" ren asked, eyebrows raised in confusion. "a book?"

Niall nodded. "i've read your articles and you've got an amazing writing style and my team has been on me about producing something personal that my fans will appreciate and i've been tossing the idea of a book around and- i want you to help me."

ren crossed her arms over her chest. "is this an excuse to see me?"

"yes," he breathed out, pulling her in by the hips. Niall kissed her again, this time more languidly without much purpose but to kiss her.

Liam pulled Niall away from Ren. "Niall."

Niall frowned. "what? i was in the middle of something."

"speech," Liam told him. he gave Ren an apologetic look. "sorry. the people are getting anxious."

Niall kissed Ren chastely on the lips. "this isn't over, understand?"

Ren raised an eyebrow, looking up at him. "are you telling me what to do?"

"yes," he told her. he kissed her again. "i am."

"you're lucky you're cute, you know that?" Ren shook her head.

"stop flirting!" Liam yelled, laughing. he had to physically drag Niall away from Ren because she was such a distraction to Niall.

a few days later, Ren found herself unabashedly at a cafe in new york city. they were sitting outside as the warm september air kept them cool. anyone could see them.

"so i don't know much about book writing," Ren told Niall. the waiter set a cup of coffee down in front of her. she smiled, "thank you."

"just think of it like a big interview," Niall offered. "it'll be easy."

"no it'll be a lot of headaches and a hell of a lot of coffee," Ren chuckled.

"yeah but like there's no deadline so it's finished when it's finished," Niall told her. he opened the menu with such nonchalance that Ren really wanted to kiss him senseless. "so you can come with me on tour."

"why do you want me to tour with you so bad?" Ren asked, leaning forward.

"because i feel guilty," Niall finally admitted. "because where you're at with your career is partly my fault. i mean, my team literally drove you to drink and i feel like i need to repay you for it."

"you don't need you to repay me for anything," Ren chuckled. "trust me. i've given you a lot of shite the past couple of months."

"i don't mind that," Niall shook his head. "but please think about it."

"i will," ren nodded. "but i'm not making any promises."

"and you'll write the book with me?" Niall asked hopefully.

Ren let out a deep sigh. her lips curled into a smile and she rolled her eyes. "fine."

#niall fanfic #Niall fic #GA1 #Girl Almighty #GA #Solo niall #journalist au #this is so long omg sorry

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