#also to be fair i havent seen the live action version

[ibrokeeverything]

Just rewatched The Boy in the Iceberg, and man there's something really special in the original atla

In other news, water is wet, grass is green, and the sky is blue

[misqnon]

hi its march! my anon name changes with the months /j

ok thats fair if u didn't have a guess. maybe it just felt really obvious to me because i am... myself...

its hard NOT to ship op characters. they all have such fun dynamics!! hannyabul and magellan is like.. im being silly when i say i ship them,, but also they ARE kinda real boyfriends to me.

its such a shame when ppl ignore the silly side of zoro. he has a few extremely wholesome, adorable, fun moments with luffy in wano and.. yeah ... im excited for u to see the interactions they have. add that to the list of things i am excited for!! lol. do the 3 dangly earrings signify he uses 3 swords??? i Never noticed this but if so... thats genius?? either way they r so pretty and in wano they zoom in on his earrings multiple times and show them like . waving in the wind or something idk. its so .. i love it. one more thing im excited about LOL

IT *IS* THE SILVER FOX LOOK!!

HELL YEAH.. i honestly am not a huge fan of the wci arc. i really disliked it the first time i read it but i think there r a lot of things that contributed to that. i couldn't remember a lot of the story from before, i started it in the anime and then switched over to manga at some point so it was a bit of a jarring difference, i have complicated feelings about sanji, and i was really sleep deprived when i was reading it. it was super difficult to get through cuz it just felt like everything dragged on and on.. so when i was rereading i was really dreading coming back to that arc and having to slog through it again. but actually it wasn't that bad. its still nowhere near being a favorite for me, but it does have a lot of good moments. anyways i think u will have a much better time than me and im looking forward to seeing ur reactions!! (as usual)

dragon: "i miss my husband, sabo. i miss him a lot" /ref

one of the sanji tiktoks is actually extremely topical considering what arc ur on so ill probably send it when ur done with wci!!

i watched the scene u sent and!!! robin puts her WHOLE SOUL into that "i want to live!!!" i dont remember the japanese version that well tbh cuz its been so long since i watched it. so the dub is probably what i will remember when i think of that scene now...

i wont kill u for liking la luffy.... because i havent watched it yet LOL. i might end up agreeing with u (although tbh i doubt i will,, i tend to be more fond of things im familiar with). i like edgelord zoro but its only when he has a healthy amount of silliness to go along with it :( im very very sad to hear he isnt nearly as goofy in the live action. ive seen a few moments of him joking around but.. i miss u silly guy... i miss u....

live action usopp seems like he has more rizz than anime/manga usopp (forgive me for using slang. i have been told it sounds really odd when i do bc it sounds like an old man using it LOL). i think that is a very interesting choice!! cuz i love usopp and i do think hes really charming and a lovely person,, but i feel like him having 0 confidence in himself is so important to his character?? but he seemed like he was an enjoyable character to watch so maybe i shouldnt get too hung up on it.

tongue piercing doflamingo is canon to me too 🫡 its very fitting considering hes always doin something with his tongue

straw hat crew supports and encourages sanji to explore his gender because at the end of the day their friend is their friend and gender doesnt matter

im glad i didnt spoil anything phew!!

i will accidentally influence u to like law more. just like u influence me to like sanji more. tradeoff /j

penis death... yeah... penis death.... i love it.. its so insanely funny to me. penis death. also i find it funny that he seems to have a milder reaction to chopper saying it compared to luffy. like is that his soft spot for the cute reindeer showing?? is it bc theyre both doctors?? idk i like to analyze his relationships with the straw hats..

im procrastinating on the tierlist (im actually very busy irl with moving) but i will no t forget to send it,, i swear!!

u probably have turned on sending images in asks but i do this on my phone and im also.. kind of a tumblr noob.. so i dont know how to .. i will look it up. or just send the tierlist (when i make it) in a separate ask on my computer.

in terms of favorite characters we have in common: link, sesshomaru (i still haven't finished inuyasha. its been .. 10 years or something), kagamine rin (although tbh i like len more (im not actually that into vocaloid.. just a little?)), crowley, robin, doflamingo

i do know a lot of the characters on there but havent actually consumed the media theyre part of to feel super attached to them. i have too many things i plan to watch/read/play and i just end up not doing any of it LOL

i will keep trying for sure 🫡 ive been drawing a lot more recently. because.. im hyperfixating on anime characters. did i already say that

im pretty sure that any characters that have black eyes oda just makes them brown whenever their eye color is visible. and similarly, the anime just makes anyone with black eyes have grey or white. i dont know if oda has thought abt most of his characters eye color,, or if he actually does just plan for them all to have brown eyes. but headcanoning crazy eye colors is more fun imo!!

the anime notoriously does NOT know what colors things are. my favorite guy law has grey eyes in the anime and theyre gold in the manga.. which is devastating!? cuz gold is way more interesting and fitting and... yeah. i will forever be upset abt that. if they're gonna whiten all the characters to such a crazy level why cant they change the eye colors that are objectively WRONG (following manga canon)

brown is a good choice for luffy!!

i also love nami having brown eyes. they're pretty!!

grey definitely does work for zoro!! idk hes pretty no matter what.. and i cant clearly picture any color for him. i think most muted colors would look good

usopp having brown would look good too!! i was trying to think of the characters color pallets when i was imagining their eye colors and tbh hes worn a lot of brown so.

YEAH i saw that colorspread n that was why i was like . . yknow what... brown eyed sanji.. bc he looks very pretty there tbh. to go on a bit of a tangent, im kinda a blue eyed hater because my whole family (outside of my dad) has blue eyes . I've seen too much of it.. its boring. my mom has literal baby blues tho theyre so bright and. yeah its.. its striking.. its cool. its interesting. but the rest of us just have regular blue eyes. theyre dark and kind of grey. its too boring!!! and . therefore.. brown eyed sanji.. brown eyed sanji is best .

i am so .. i miss robins early design .. they kept her blue eyes (which again.. are objectively wrong according to manga canon) but they just had to make her like. the palest member of the straw hats. i love her having blue eyes so im not complaining that they didnt fix it but its like ... why did u fix one thing and not the other... i find that very frustrating. i wish they had just kept both her skin color and her eyes LOL. also cowgirl robin was so cool 😢

franky with pink eyes is SO GOOD??? tbh no matter what eye color he has i think it should be bright and vibrant

thats what i was thinking too!! the purple goes with his color scheme.

no worries abt not being able to reply <3

dressrosa is by far my favorite arc!! and then next i think is wano, egghead (the most recent arc), and impel down

those are my absolute favorites but other ones i like are arlong park, syrup village, punk hazard, sabaody/post war/return to sabaody, marineford (this would be another absolute favorite if not for the fact its so painful), whatever arc zoro joined in, drum island, skypeia, and.. controversially i do like fishman island despite also finding it a bit boring

i also rly enjoyed the reverie (it counts as a separate arc on the wiki) this one is apparently directly after wci.. i can never remember when it takes place chronologically. theres not really any action but i dont even care... i dont read for action

people dont like post timeskip one piece as much for some reason? its confusing to me bc almost all my favorite arcs are post timeskip.. im loving the focus shifting to the whole world.. and i love reading about huge world events. and i love theorizing about things. its all very fun

its really hard to choose just a few favorites LOL. i keep wanting to add other arcs i really enjoyed . augh.

what are YOUR favorite arcs :o

hello!!

no u’ve put me on the hannyabul and magellan train now. its my new otp. sorry. u did this

YEA HIS 3 EARRINGS ARE FOR HIS SWORDS!! and yes im. so excited for so MANY wano moments (that i know of but havent been completely spoiled for: everyone in beast pirate disguises, zoro and luffy reunion (+ everyone else ofc!) sanji’s raid suit and subsequent Germa Angst, THE ZORO / SANJI DEATH PACT??. DEMONIO FLEUR!?!??! (GOING TO LOSE MY MIND AT THAT ONE) AND MORE. and if theyre gonna be animation zoro’s earrings like that then damn. i got even more to look forward to on top of tht

i like wci but mostly for the sanji arc. i dont care much for the setting (although the alice in wonderland insp is cool!) and i actually love pudding but the fact she’s apparently 16 puts a bad taste in my mouth every time she’s on screen. it doesnt feel like its dragging on yet but as much as i do wanna continue i keep not having the motivation bc i know i still have quite a bit to go through vjbjfdkn. im glad u enjoyed it more ur second time tho!! (katakuri….gotta get to katakuri at least)

NOT THE DRAGON ROBOTNIK QUOTE JCCNSDKJN “i miss my wife tails”

and yes…YES……SANJITOK/…

HELL YES IM SO GLAD U WATCHED THE ROBIN SCENE. SHE DID PUT HER WHOLE SOUL INTO IT. FUN FACT I WATCHED A PANEL OF THE VOICE ACTORS ON YT AND THAT WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY TAKE . INSANE

yea the opla is so fun and a great ride but like anything it has its problems! although im still just amazed that it somehow seemed to break the live action anime curse and be the only one to do so with moderate success and yet it adapted. probably one of the hardest and longest anime to adapt ever. like how. do tell me if u watch it!! 

jacob is just too hot to play usopp is the issue- KNDFSJSKL /HJ. it’s definitely still played as fake confidence but its a different flavor of it for sure.

and yes beautiful. gnc sanji my beloved. transji my beloved. sanji forced to lipsync for his life by iva my beloved

i am completely ok with this character influencing btw. tradeoff initiated. i actually saw a law post and thought of u the other day!! i was gonna send it to u but i was like i’ll wait for the next letter…so here

idk if this is fanon or canon a lot but ppl say law has a cuteness to weak animals bc of bepo. robin core

THATS ACTUALLY SO FUNNY BC IM IN THE MIDDLE OF TRYING TO MOVE TOO AND AM ALSO BUSY FROM THAT JVBFJD

omg tumblr noob…i’ve been on this damn website for more than 10 years 😭

slay im glad we have some in common >:^) inuyasha was my first actual anime! and sesshomaru my first anime crush…wow. love that guy. [don’t watch the yashahime sequel. i dont wanna talk abt it 😐] and thats valid i love both the kagamine twins!!

i havent had time to draw but man…i draw like. in my mind. u know. i…i think about things…i COULD draw…that counts right,

i agree! i was surprised no one has asked in an SBS but i know it HAS to have been a question so maybe he has a reason he isnt answering??

I HEARD HIS EYES ARE GOLD IN MANGA WHICH IS SO FUCKING COOL?? GOLD EYES ARE MY ABSOLUTE FAV IN CHARACTER DESIGN!! and god. yea. yea. like oh okay you can get the colors wrong on everything and not change them to be right but u can make usopp whiter than a sheet. ok. i see how it is. they even lightened CHOPPER FOR PETE SAKE???

im not a blue eyed HATER but i definitely prefer brown eyes. as a brown eyes haver im pushing back on the blue eye supremacy with spite ‼️

dont even get me started on post timeskip robin. biggest downgrade. like at least franky is still himself and can change his hair and his face is still franky. someone else worded it best in saying oda took away so many features that made robin’s character design recognizable and unique that she feels like a completely different one. APPARENTLY robin was never supposed to be tan and anime assumed that too, but idc if u keep the blue then keep the skin color…its like. blatantly just colorism there

omg…DRESSROSA WAS VERY GOOD! that makes me think…hey have u seen this video . made by the same editor as the last one i sent u also…that makes me so excited to move forward. AND MAYBE ITS JUST BC IM GAY AS HELP BUT I LOOVVED IMPEL DOWN !! 70% FOR THE NEWKAMA AND 30% FOR CROCODILE

i didnt think fishman island was anywhere near as boring or badly paced as i heard. it was literally fine imo. not my favorite but not bad! except um. fishman island sanji can burn pls stop making me hate my favorite character (THOUGH I STAND BY RETURN TO SABAODY SANJI BEING WORSE THAN FISHMAN ISLAND. AT LEAST HE WASNT SNIFFIN PPL WHAT THE *FUCK* WAS THAT]

and i defintely see the post-timeskip haters points sometimes. there’s less time spent with the characters just. getting to interact and chill- partially bc the anime doesnt really do filler now but also partially bc now the crew is so large that oda never writes them all in one place. theyre always splitting up. and also the obvious things like robin getting sidelines and her design change, zoro is less silly, overall there’s less lightheartedness (although at times i can appreciate that). but the thing that bothers me most is it feels like oda got more brave with the off color jokes and sexualization and such. it was there pre timeskip (esp starting around thriller bark) but post timeskip its just like. sexualization and perv jokes are turned up to 200%. and yea im bitter bc sanji got worse in that aspect (although i actually prefer his post timeskip design! i like his stupid little goatee and his new suits/outfits are very nice! and his character development has obviously. gotten some spotlight) but damn if they couldnt give that to some of the other crew members too! though i digress. and ur right- the arcs and story HAVE improved and been super epic!

hmm..i think my favorite arcs would have to be [as of where i am currently] water 7/enies lobby, impel down, and dressrosa. whole cake will probably be up there when i finish it just bc of it being the My Guy Arc.

help im running out of one piece questions…uh…uh…any other strawhat headcanons? about anything!

p.s. i saw this and it made me laugh so hard

[popculturebuffet]

House of Mouse: The Stolen Cartoons Review (Patreon Review)

Hello all you happy people! It’s Patreon Review Time. Since my 5 dollar or higherr patreons get 1 review a month, Kevin my 10 dollar patreon is using one of his to celebrate the 20th anniversary of House of Mouse by having me review a random episode a month. And for this month we’re going all the way back to the start with The Stolen Cartoons!

I already introed house of mouse back when I reviewed “The Three Cablleros” episode but for a refresher: House of Mouse is a 2001 cartoon about Mickey and Co running a club. Mickey is host, Minnie plans the show and runs the books, Donald tends to the VIP”s and co owns the club with Mickey, Goofy is head waiter,  Daisy runs guest services, Horace is technical support, Clarabelle is a gossip monger with no clear actual job, and Max is Valet. The show was used to repackage shorts from the short lived show Mickey mouseworks, using the club setting as a wraparound and said club was attentend by all the various characters from the disney canon. It’s as awesome as it sounds. 

The voice cast, which I didn’t intro thorughly last time, was equally awesome with all the actors for the characters at the time, all legends in the industry. Wayne Allwine as Mickey,who played the character from the late 70′s to his death, Russi Taylor as Minnie and the Triplets, who did the same and was also married to wayne, Tony Anselmo, who should be thorughly familiar to readers of this blog and donald duck fans as his voice since Ducktales, Voice Actress Tress Macneile as Daisy, likewise,  Jason Marsden as Max and Voice Acting Legend Jim Cummings as Pete. All except Allweine i’ve profieled before on this blog in various other series, but Wayne, outisde of a very minor role in black cauldron, only voiced Mickey, and to me is the defntiive voice for the guy, though Chris is getting close. 

The other notable members of the cast i havent’ covered are April Winchell, who while tremendous, I will save for an episode Clarabelle is actually in more, and Bill Farmer. I have a great amount of Love for Bill and like everyone here, he was a vertran of the industry by the time he showed up in this series. His defining roll far and away is goofy, who was, to my delighted surprise his FIRST voice audition, having studided PInto Colving’s voice well to the point you can barely tell the difference between the two, and having inherited the roll around the same time as Russi and Tony. He’s the voice of Goofy I and most kids from the 80′s onward have grown up with and is the best at the roll by far, having chances for depth and nuance Pinto wasn’t allowed with the Goofy Movies and other works. IN general he’s just THE goofy to me. He’s also the voice of horace and pluto, and currently voices Hop Pop in Amphibia which is super noteworthy as looking at his filmography like a lot of the sensational 6′s va’s he’s only voiced goofy or Pluto for most of his career. But hey like Tony, if you only do one charcter might as well be the fucking best at it. He also has a show on Disney Plus with him and dogs I need to watch yesterday. 

So with our cast out of the way, and not much history to go into, join me after the cut and we’ll see how House of Mouse got it’s start and if it was a good one. 

Breaking from my usual format for House of Mouse and doing the shorts as they come up int he main story for two reasons: The first is that the shorts are integral to the plot and the second is that there’s way more main story this time around than usual, likely to properly set things up. 

So we open at the House of Mouse with Mickey Adressing the club and showing off the general premise of this being a club for all of the various heroes and villains of disney to hang out and what not. He also presents the house rules which are no smoking (Fair and should’ve always been a thing), no villianous schemes and no eating the other guests, all helpfully demonstrated as he says them. We also get to see the others in action: Minnie handling the schedule and the crew, Donald welcoming the guests, and Daisy running the desk and getitng brainwashed by Jafar into giving him a table. Max also is providing his job as Valet which surprised me because I genuinely thought he didn’t join the cast till season 2.. despite the fact he’s right there in the credits.. which are the same for ALL THREE SEASONS. 

So things are going well.. so naturally that’s when Pete shows up to try and ruin things. Look he’s having a hard time after the divorce.. several years ago. Okay maybe he’s always just been a dick and that’s why he’s divorced in the first place. Point is he naturally wants to shut the club down, boot them out, and wreck up the place like any natural cartoon villian or real estate scum bag landlord. Pete just happens to be both because he can multitask. .and because it’s basically the same thing you just have to be animated for one of them.  Thankfully whoever the previous Landlord was, i’m going with Shere Kahn given the setting, his roll in tailspin and the fact the obvious candidate, scrooge, would make no sense here given a later episode where he guest stars, wrote into the contract that as long as the show goes on, they can stay in business. Pete stews over this and naturally plans to stop the show while Minnie, in a cute bit, comforts a nervous mickey and just tells him to play some cartoons. So...

Pluto Gets the Paper: Wet Cement and Donald’s Dynamite: Magic Act I”m covering both of these at once. But as I said the animated shorts this time are one big sized one and two of the shorter ones to make more room for the story. Which is fair: this is the first episode, and thus needs to set up the premise. The series isn’t story driven but your first episode should still feel like one, ease you into the world and get you situated and THEN can do the normal format. It’s also in the episode’s favor as the heavier story focus meant a BETTER story than most season 1 episodes, on par with the two season 3 episodes i’ve covered so far. 

The shorts themselves are fine. So far this is the only Pluto Short i’ve liked as it has a neat enough gaga: Pluto has to get the paper in wet cement. Why did the paperboy throw it in wet cement instead of in the driveway, I dunno but given this short is well.. short and just meant to deliver on some quick gags, I’m not going to question it. It’s the first Pluto short i’ve covered without any dog sexual harassment, i’m not looking a gift dog in the mouth. 

The other short short played right after is part of a series where Donald ends up trying to get rid of a round bomb that shows up wherever he is....

It’s pretty damn funny, though being a huge Donald fan i’m obviously biased, but even removing my donald duck brand sunglasses, I will concede this was objectively fun.

But the cartoons stop as, true to the title, they’ve gone missing! Horace is found tied up, the cartoons are gone and Pete is obviously responsible. and hilariously so as the rope has his name on it and he says “I don’t know horace horsecollar” There are a LOT of good gags in this one, i’m leaving a lot out for time’s sake. 

So Mickey and Minnie come up with a plan: Mickey sends the.. Quackstreet Boys.... to stall. Now it may shock you but I actually LIKE the backstreet boys. Not to an extreme amount but I did grow up with them, and even now find their music pretty damn good. No my issue is this parody is weak, mostly running entirely on the title pun. The most I can give them credit for is using the outfits from their second album cover. No I wasn’t kidding I did grow up with them. You saw that everywhere so even if I didn’t enjoy their music then and now, i’d know it. But it just feels really weak, like they had no idea what to DO with the boys and instead just slapped them in a lame parody. It dosen’t help i’m not a fan of the classic version of the boys outside of the comics, as I feel later productions should’ve had them actually be distinct, and it took until 2017 to pull that off with the reboot, something I fear may be undone in future productions. Please.. don’t.. you can have Cristina Vee voice them all, I don’t care about the voice I just want to be able to tell them a apart. So yeah I don’t like it but it dosen’t drag the episode down. Just something I wanted to have a moan about. 

So they split up: Mickey, Minnie and Goofy go to shoot a cartoon while Donald runs the club. Naturally he rebrands.. but what really is telling is everyone boos him when he tries to mc.. just for not being Mickey. While Donald does have a massive inferiority complex here, desperately wanting to one up mickey.. with moments like this it’s hard not to see why> He’s JUST as big a star, just as talented , maybe not as nice but just as likeable. He even co-owns the club. But ironically only Mickey Himself, and Daisy of Course, treat him like an equal. To everyone else it’s Mickey’s world and he’s just the sidekick. It’s no wonder he spend sthe entire show desperately trying to outdo mickey: he doesn’t hate the guy, even if he wouldn’t admit it.. but he just wants to be loved too. Sure it’s part ego.

Mickey does return though with the new cartoon. And our only sizeable one so. 

Hickory Dickory Mickey: This is a REALLY good one with a simple enough premise; Goofy wants Mickey to take him to the airport at 6am tomorrow.. which Mickey balks at. 

Seriously i’ve woken up at 3-4am to go to the airport or on road trips. Waking up at 5:30 is pretty standard. Goofy also has good reason to ask as he once BROKE MICKEY OUT OF JAIL. And as seen up top the flashback is done in black and white AND with their old models. I just.. love everything about this and it had to have taken extra effort to make new models for the old models and thus extra money for a quick joke. So kudos best part of the episode. But with his hands tied Mickey is forced to take him and Goofy leaves him his clock which won’t stop ticking. So we get just.. nonstop good gags as Mickey tries to sleep with standouts being his trying to drown it out only to get the tick station, the tock station on the radio and the clock channel on the tv. He also tries to mail it and naturally it comes back thanks to a kangaroo when he ships it to Australia..a nd then get’s progressively batshit as he mails it to HADES (comes back in a puff of smoke) and to the 1920′s (It comes back in black and white with arms and legs). It’s just.. really damn good and I suggest seeking it out. I have liked other shorts better but this was a good one. 

Pete still gloats as they’ll need more cartoons.. only for one to fall out of his jacket and Mickey to shake the rest out. We then get a fun chase between the two, SO many good jokes, my favorite being him dressing up as a dalmation only for Cruella to take measurements, before being cornered by the three and the elephant from tarzan who throws him out.. right next to pepper-ann and her mom “Don’t touch the villian dear”. Good crossover.. and another show that like House of Mouse is not on disney plus don’t ask me why. 

So our heroes win, we get our usual sponsorship and unusually we see the guests leave, a nice bit I wish they did more. All’s well that ends well. 

Final Thoughts: This episode was fantastic. It introduces the cast well, sets up our villian, our basic premise and while only having one major cartoon, uses that as a plot point and it’s a damn good one. A fantastic start to the series and frankly the best place to start if your curious about the show. I’d like to thank Kev for sponsoring this review. If you’d like your own review you can look at comissoin details on my blog or get one guaranteed every month by becoming a 5 dollar patreon. You get one guaranteed review a month, acess to my discord server for my patreons, and to pick a short when I do birthday specials. And contributing to my patreon gets me closer to my stretch goals, even one dollar helps. Next goal not only gets reviews of the super ducktales mini series, but also a darkwing duck episode EVERY MONTH. And with the plug done, i’ll see you at the next rainbow. 

[shanascarlett]

Thoughts on Hasbro Universe after Revolution

Im big fan of G.I. Joe/Transformers. But when I heard that there are more than 2 franhises in one universe, it blew my mind. So I decided to check out them. One of them I heard when I was kid.

Revolution was big. For some it was epic, other think it was mess. I understand why ppl love and hate it. Personally I love it. There’s conflict and how heroes unite against evil. It was the beggining of massive universe. So, how it turned out?

To be fair.... not so good.

Its my own opinion. You can disagree with me. If you love aftermath of Revolution, thats fine. I just want to tell about the conclusion of Hasbro Comic Book Universe.

Optimus Prime.

I think the writer put a lot of his view on life: disappointment on every religion. I really didnt like how he made that Optimus Prime is always wrong. Even when he listens and he does what he was asked to do, ppl still angry at him. “You should listened to me!” and “You shouldn’t listen to me!”. I love that they put Joes, but here’s the big issue: OOC of Mainframe and Flint with his daughter look similar the same age.

Remember when Trasnformers had the mystery of their religion and mythology? Mix of Sci-Fi and Cosmic Fantasy. Yeah, forget about that. It was all Shockwave’s evil plan. Another big disappointment for me.

I like how they described the ghost of Bumblebee, but Shockwave being one of 13 Primes looks very... confusion to me. 

Lost Light

Lost Light deserves to be called a weak sequel. Remember when in MTMTE was magic mystery, adventure, gore and development of characters and relationships? Here I found nothing. New characters for me are not interesting. And yes about them being “trans”. Im not transphobic and sorry if my opion might hurt you or offend. I just dont see transgenders in Transformers.  I dont see transformers suffering of gender dysphoria. Hell, I doubt they suffer of homophobia, bc they are totally fine with mlm and wlw. If you dont know, hetero relationships are for the population of Earth. And Transformers managed told that they can love each other, but their love is not like Earth’s bc they dont have to have sex to create life. They have strong emotion connection to each other.

Speaking about love. I love Chromedome/Rewind love story bc it was developed. We saw the birth of connection, loss, pain, reunion, fear and happiness. Same with Cyclonus and Tailgate. To be fair I dont ship the last two as romantic couple, but as platonic couple. For me they dont have that emotional connection like Chrome/Rewind but they care each other. In Lost Light nothing. You just accept that a lot characters are couple to each other. Why and how? Just accept it. This is why I dont feel emotional connection to Lug and Anode. To be fair I thought they are friend and Lug looks a lot like a boy. If they’d develop her more better, I think I’d like her. The whole Lost Light is just comics of couples. I was thinking when they’re gonna do the Orgy like in Ancient Rome.

Also here’s another disappointment in religion. Everything was lie. As I told earlier - I didnt like it. I’d rather to rewatch TFP, Bayverse or G1. BC I felt emptiness. MTMTE is masterpiece.

G.I. Joe

Where do I begin? Was written by socialist who doesnt know anything about military, ruined Quick Kick who was nice and gentle, made Scarlett an idiot, turned charasmatic Shipwreck into fat vegan, new characters have no backstory or reasons why they joined to Joes. Also: huge hypocricy. Scarlett says that G.I. Joe is now international team, but they refuse to work with USA. I get it they tried to turn G.I. Joe into Overwatch, but OW was working with every country. Including USA, where they had one of their headquarters. American G.I. Joe was more progressive bc they were helping every country who had deal with Cobra or any threat. They even teamed up with Russian soldiers.

The huge disappointment was no explanation about Snake Eyes rebirth (and no love story of Snake/Scarlett) and Quick Kick being an ass. Just check G.I. Joe ARAH show. There Quick Kick was nice. I miss that one....

The only good stuff was about Rock n’ Roll nightmares and guilt for shooting Grand Slam, grumpy Grand Slam and Doc being half-alien. Thats alll.

Revolutionaries

It was a bit better bc its literally crossover with conflict and backstories. Here they at least tried to make story interesting. And brought a lot interesting references. Especially to 90s: KLAW, Slaugther and even to original Action Force.

M.A.S.K.: Mobile Armored Strike Kommand

At 1st they tried but then it all felt down. I wouldnt call it horrible. You can check out 1st issues. I can say that only villains were interesting. While main heroes...  here’s the problem.

Original Matt Trekker was an engineer, millionaire, helped ppl and white. Why the last important? BC in reboot he became boring black guy who seeks vengeance for his father death and the main bad guy is white man. Im not racist bc I like how it was done in Spawn, but it wasnt so obvious who is the bad guy who just wants to take over the world. I get it you hate Trump. He is a clown.

Also original Trekker raises his son alone. So he is widowed. It could play in reboot: lost all, but tries to keep his son safe. So much potential for drama of lonely father. But we got what we got. I just go to rewatch Spawn animated series.

If they wanted “diverse” why they didnt put more poc characters from MASK? You know there are actual canon black man and indian man? Even native american man?

ROM

It was boring. 1st issues were interesting and brutal bc of alien invansion. You wouldnt know who is the enemy and who is the friend. But drama...

Whole Rom’s drama was about losing his humanity. At 1st we see him as cold-hearted alien. Then they all forget about it. Original Rom from Marvel was losing his humanity until he met brave girl Brandy who made him to remember his loss of homeplanet and love of his life. He was afraid to be alone and to be complete machine. And yes, in reboot his old girlfriend is alive. But I felt nothing with this. I prefer to read original comics bc I felt sorry for Rom.

Micronauts: Wrath of Karza

It was boring. The only thing I can remember is Larissa being Baron Karza’s daughter. I dont compare reboot with original series bc I havent read yet. I liked the new one bc of Baron Karza and his wife (and their fetish).

First Strike

Hoo- boy. It was bad. Preety bad. Not bc villains tried to destroy Cybertron. Not bc TF thought its gonna be war of humans and TF. No, it all was good. The main villain is Joe Colton who wants to destroy Cybertron to save Earth. And that he was bad from the beginning. His motivation sounds like Miles Mayhem from M.A.S.K.. That shock effect of surprise villain doesnt work here. It looks like disrespect to Joe fans. They managed to ruin Scarlett’s character who was turned into G.I. Joe not bc she was the best. She was in Joes bc she didnt do 50 push-ups. If you dont know, G.I. Joe is elite guard where they take the best men and women bc they do a lot dangerous work. So the whole story arc is full disrespect to Joe fan. I dont know about you, but I was offended by that.

Was there smth good? Team up of villains and the easter egg of Visionaries.

Rom vs. Transformers: Shining Armor

I almost forget about the plot bc it was boring. Rom was rude like every commander (yeah, for someone “losing humanity”). New character was boring. So everythng was boring. Even Autobots didint save the situation.

Rom & the Micronauts

Well, they at least tried with characters development. I really liked how characters interact with each other. But the whole story was “meh”

Scarlett's Strike Force

It was very short and cancelled. BC that writer Sitterson wrote offensive tweet about Nine Eleven. I get it what he was trying to do: to make comics based on cartoon G.I. Joe. This is why Quick Kick and Spirit fight against Storm Shadow. Personally I thought it was racist bc “only asian fight agains asian”. And Storm Shadow has the worst redesign I’ve ever seen. Theres nothing to talk about the comics bc its unfinished and cancelled. So theres nothing.

Transformers vs. Visionaries

This comic had potential. But the ending ruined it. The story is about colonization to save living race. But it will kill another nation. Its interesting theme. And how they managed? Nothing. For some reason everyone in peace and safe. The ending is just weird. I think writer didint know how to end that conflict so she wrote “everyone safe and in peace. Colonization is bad”. Not the ending is the problem. Main characters: Leoric and Virulina redesigned very strong. Leoric looks like total different character (why not to create new character? He looks good). And Virulina looks like student from art-school, not the villain. The redesigned I like are Cryotek and Arzon. And the art was very good.

The last 2 ones I havent finished yet. I can tell this: TAAO isnt look so bad, but I’m ready for disapointing ending, like TF Unicron.

In conclusion:

I dont tell that it was done horrible. Its just explains why IDW decided to reboot TF and G.I. Joe. Low sales. BC I’ve noticed a lot easter eggs in those comics for future story plots. I think they’d made it good if IDW would give them chance.

If you love them, thats fine. I’ll enjoy my own version of Hasbro Universe.

[sharksfood]

so this thought just came into my head and i want to explore it.

in my life i’ve only seen 3 films so far that i read as books before they became movies. im not counting comic books/graphic novels that became movies bcs thats a little different, books that became tv shows, or plays that became movies. but its interesting to think about that.

i didnt read harry potter until well after the films (all of them lmao) were released, i’ve never read how to train your dragon, i’ve never read the hobbit/lotr, the animated alice in wonderland came out in the 50s, i have only recently read the last unicorn, i read World War Z after the movie came out (and ive never seen all of the movie), and i read the neverending story when i was cast in the play.

the books that i read before they came out in film are; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Warm Bodies, and Goosebumps.

Goosebumps kind of fits but it was made into a tv series first, and im not sure if i read the books or saw the shows first. i did both, i know that much.

I read Warm Bodies only bcs I wanted to see the movie but thought the book would be cool to read (its amazing and has a completely different feel from the movie), and Lion Witch Wardrobe was bcs my dad read it to me when I was younger. That and The Magician’s Nephew are the only Narnia books ive ever read.

I was going to try and read Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children before the movie came out, but that work out for me.

if you want to count comics and graphic novels, then the list gets bigger. but comics already have the characters drawn out, so unlike books, you dont have an idea in your head on what the character looks like. that is so often changed in film, plus you loose so much detail and nuance when you go book to screenplay to film (this is also true with comics, but its still different)

However, and the biggest reason as to why I’m thinking about this, two movies will be coming out in the next few years, and both of them are based on my favorite books of all time (aside from the alice books of course). 

The first is Captain Underpants! I know that this is a book series with words and pictures, so technically its a graphic novel series, but they’re kids books! and those tend to have an awful lot of pictures. This series was my FAVORITE (other than the alice books) as a kid!! they were fun, hilarious, relatable, and just all around super great. So when i saw the trailer for the animated film that’s coming out this year based on the series i was ECSTATIC!! Were it live-action i would be bummed out since kids picture books usually fair better when animated (im not a fan of the diary of a wimpy kid movies....) but this animation is handled a lot like The Peanuts movie. The animation look like a color and 3D version of the exact art style!! its wonderful and im SO EXCITED

The other one, and this i am VERY VERY nervous about, is Ready Player One. that is my favorite sci-fi novel ever. i often say its my favorite book ever bc it deserves more love! and i do so much love it. ive reread it i dont even know how many times. and what do you know, they’re making it into a movie!! when i heard about this i had so many mixed feelings, and most of it has to do with the style of the book and the characters.

-Ready Player One Spoilers-

In Ready Player One the protagonist starts out as a dirt poor, fat, unattractive teen boy, and later he gets more physically fit/healthy and rich. he claims to still be unattractive at this point (mostly bcs he jues doesnt like how he looks and he looses all his body hair). this is very important to the character! i’m afraid that in this movie hollywood will do as they always do and make him a skinny conventionally attractive teen from the get-go. people will probably pull the Holes excuse of “the filmmakers didnt want to make the actor gain a bunch of weight and then loose it all” BULLSHIT they can cast a fat actor! and through his training and as they film the movie he can loose some weight or they can use movie magic (like when they made chris evans a scrawny little thing). its not that hard, people.

Another character, and this was super important to me and was a big subplot, is that Wade best friend, Aech, whom he only knows through the game (OASIS) plays as a white, straight, guy avatar, but they’re actually a black lesbian named Helen. And she plays this avatar to protect herself and to get a job and be taken seriously within OASIS. is super sad she has to do this, but its a big part of her character. she’s also fat as well, and im REALLY worried that in the movie she’s going to be a skinny straight white girl.

Two other characters who have important characteristics are Art3mis (Samantha) and the creator of OASIS James Halliday. Art3mis is Wade later love interest and GF. She is notable bcs her avatar is just like her, a chubby girl with black hair, but sans her port-wine birthmark. I know they’ll keep her birthmark, since its an intimate reveal, but they’ll probably make her skinny and i hate it. Now it’s only half canon in the books, but i’ve chosen to go with it, but at one point Wade talks about James Halliday’s childhood and his personality and all that, and mentions that he might have been autistic. Now, since it’s only he “might have been” in the books, the filmmakers will probably not make him autistic. That’s fucking sad to me, I mean, it would be amazing!! This character is one of the smartest, most famous, most prolific video game programmers/designers in history!! And he’s autistic! That is some wonderful representation and the filmmakers should jump on that opportunity. It’ll inspire so many autistic people who have a passion for video games to pursue their dreams. But, i have a hunch they wont go with it.

Two other characters, Daito and Shoto, are Japanese young guys who claim to be brothers (and their characters are) but are just friends in the real world. My initial hunch was that the filmmakers would keep them Japanese, but given the recent whitewashing of important Japanese characters, I have my doubts.

My few other concerns are that this movie won’t have 80s pop culture as the main style and focus of the era they book is set in, not to mention OASIS and most of people’s interests. It’s incredibly important to the novel, but so many dystopian movies choose to go with gritty, futuristic, edgy stuff. The other concern is how they will handle the real life vs OASIS look, since over half of the book takes place inside a VR video game. I’ve seen news that they are utilizing VR technology, but i havent read too much. I’m wondering if they’ll animate all of OASIS and the avatars and action and anything in the video game! That would be awesome.

So these are all my thoughts. I havent looks at who they’ve cast yet, so I’m going to do that right now. I do know that Steven Spielberg is directing it, which could be fantastic or terrible. Okay, cast time.

------

So the IMDB doesnt say who is cast as Daito and Shoto, but Wikipedia says that Win Morisaki of PrizmaX will play him, which is great! I hope that’s what happens.

Art3mis/Samantha will be played by Olivia Cooke, who in my opinion is way too old. She’s older than me! The character’s age (i think) isnt mentioned in the book, but she’s got to be 17-20, and Olivia Cooke looks older than that. She’s also not chubby, but hey, maybe they’ll fit that. She also doesnt have the birthmark, but that’s gonna be makeup. (wouldve been cool if they found an actress with a port-wine stain on her face...)

Parzival/Wade will be played by Ty Sheridan. He was Cyclops in X-Men Apocalypse. He’s the right age, but way too fit and attractive. DAMN IT Well, I guess there’s always makeup and special effects, but i’m 80% sure now they wont make Wade fat.....

Aech/Helen will be played by Lena Waithe who is almost PERFECT. She’s much older than Aech, who is around 18, but like Samantha i imagine they’ll have make up and acting to cover it. My biggest concern is that she’s not fat like Aech, which means they’ll use a body suit or effects or Lena will gain weight, or they wont do anything.....

T.J. Miller will be playing I-r0k, who is another OASIS player and a bigtime douchebag jerk. This is perfect. We don’t know his age, or really anything other than his personality and avatar, and T.J. Miller is hilarious so this/ll be great.

Mark Rylance will be playing James Halliday, witch is fine by me. He’s not quite what I imagined, but thats what makeup and wigs are for. He’s worked a lot with Steven Spielberg, so that makes sense as to why he’s cast here. I just hope he can portray an autistic character well and with respect.... (would be better if he IS autistic but ya know.....)

Simon Pegg will be playing Ogden Morrow, the co-creator of OASIS, and thats perfect. No complaints.

Nolan Sorrento (the antagonist of the book and head of operations at Innovative Online Industries) will be played by Ben Mendelsohn, who was Director Krennic in Rouge One. He is much older and not quite and slimy as I imagined him, but this can totally work. I pictured Nolan Sorrento as Andrew Scott in my head, since he seems like the perfect evil, charismatic, slimy, attractive but ugly inside business man.

----

So, after looking at the current casting choices im a little let down, but still excited! I’ll have to wait patienly for the trailer, since this thing is coming out in 2018. Dang, this turned into a Ready Player One post, but its been on my mind recently.

If you read through all of this, good job! let me know what you think! i probably dont talk about Ready Player One very often but thats bcs i dont know anyone in real life (other than my dad) who has read this book, and the online fandom seems nonexistent. Who knows?

But yeah, I guess I made this post bcs I wasn’t able to share the collective nervousness, complaints, and excitement of Harry Potter or LotR or Percy Jackson fans when their fav books became movies.

[meanderfall]

//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO

LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)

6.     Single or multiple POV?

I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.

8.     Oldest WIP

I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN

Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)

10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)

25.  Favourite part of writing

okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo

27.  Favourite line/scene

okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.

There’s this one:

“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“

And this one:

“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.

Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.

Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”

(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)

28.  Favourite side character

OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM

29.  Favourite villain

I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))

okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.

30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT

Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.

Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)

36.  Last sentence you wrote

“Shut up.”

(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)

45.  How much world building do you do?

all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written

47.  Best way to procrastinate

Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them

48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?

honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)

also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)

49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE

50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?

*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS

okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)

tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i actually commend him today. a legitimate issue between us is the fact that the weed we have ends up being shared between us but no one knows who smokes what amount or when and its just like stoners arguing about a weed bag which is asinine after awhile - its your word vs theirs. but i did smoke his weed this weekend / this week. im smoking it now. to be fair, its one of the ways i help create equality - for a long time i did not get what i want, and i dont really think i am so this is something ive done but its time to mature out of it and set a better example. its a very uncouth/unclassy thing to do. he was angry this morning and reiterated thst hes told me a number of times and that this is a giant inconvinience to him and it means i have to see him etc. but i also felt like it was a very controlled response to a legitimate thing i am doing to him in some ways. it wssnt like this random outburst of emotion - it felt much more straightforward and i feel that there were things he had to take into account - the fact that i do buy weed and it gets mixed in with his. or the fact ive given him 40$+ since the beginning of may and have paid for a nunber of things. the fact i continually offer him money or weed replacement. he repeated thst it was an inconvinience and that he didnt want to worry about it so stop smoking it. and fine - this time it feels different because hes not adding on "but i dont really care about it" - or watching as i smoke it and saying nothing. i can even appreciate that this comes at a time when im more likely to be able to afford my own in the future. which is why i dont believe its a huge issue to just pay it back. i told him i could just drop it off in the mailbox - which honestlt is more convinient for me because after three days of sitting st his house in the evening, im actually ready to just chill at home. or do other things. i appreciate that he used his time on projects and that i downloaded a dozen movies - the fact i have them honestly settles my anxiety because i know i dont have a lot of options. today is a studio day at the gallery, i have a cleaning job i feel well eniugh for out of the city and i havent seen our mutual friend since the weekend. i also promised to have drinks with another friend if she needed it. so i was naturally inclined to be distracted by things not involving him to begin with and taking a walk up to his house in the evening is just nice to enjoy the weather and go for a walk, or maybe get a drive from our mutual friend. what i dont appreciate about him is that he. reates these scenarios as giant ones that are end of his world. its an exaggeration thats really unnecessary but i know its becsuse alot of people have taken advantage of him. so ive always tried to give to the best of my abilities if i choose to take from him more than he is giving willingly. instead of dragging it out - i apologized. he told me sorry was not much because i did it anyways and continue doing it. i told him the only thing i can do is apologize and bring him back something in return, which could be done casually and without fanfare. it shouldnt be unusual to say something like, " oh will you be home? should i drop it off somewhere? ". he decided to drive me home before getting ready for work which i also appreciate because it meant that he was choosing to end the conversation without making a huge scene. it wasnt leading to this is break uo im not seeing u fuck u etc. it didnt include this so to me it felt like it was actually serious. like i could take this at face value and accept it as is and any further consequences from it. he just choose to end it. and our car ride was silent, which was fine - theres nothing else to say. i understand i did a thing that bothers him on legitimate levels and i can only be sorry for it and pay back whats owed. its very basic. but what i also appreciated was that when we got to my place i told him that i was sorry i continued to smoke his weed and i was sorry he was angry; not in a condescending way but just an apology that an action of mine caused him to feel anger in the day and that i would drop off weed in his mailbox tonight; he just needed to trust that i would pay him back. he said alright, give me a kiss, i have to go. which is very.. amazing. as we drove i kind of apologized to nyself that i was involved in an anxiety provoking situation in the morning and that i was causing harm to the success of my day but it wasnt the worst thing. so to end it on a peaceful note instead of no fuck u i dont want it i dont want to see you... im really grateful. i might even write a note with my drop off and like.. applaud him for making an effort not to be sooo... like he hss been. i dont know, this was very easily an opening for him to be like fuck it im done this is the last time its not worth it we just went through this. but he let it be and he wanted to trust in some ways that id pay him back and i wasnt ungrateful and i wasnt trying to take advantage of him and not acknowledge what i was taking. i am not an enemy. and after such a battle where nothing has been spoken about it since or ever came to a real conclusion.. its truly amazing this is how we are operating. i dont feel negativity. there are certain things i need to do in life anyways and i feel like by him not exagggerating this to a "break up" and dragging in all these random delusions of how i act and what we are that its actually taking seriously the probability of us remaining together. and if we are remaining together then this is not okay. temoorarily? whatever, minor expense. long term? not okay. and just this like little bit makes me feel better about things because i came to realize that there is absolutely no trust with him. he has also been hurt so many times that he operates at full protection mode all the time. when i said thst he hsd to trust id pay him back, as the words came out i realized they carried a heaviness. he did not trust i would pay him back. he did not trust that i wasnt taking sdvantage of him or trying to take up all his time. but ive never done this. to get here, its taken consistency. despite my overall instability, i am probably the most consistent thing in his life right now besides his mother. and my reactions have remained consistent and i really do want to control my habit at that level and stop smoking it now. i am truly amazed. i think after the last bit and the fact no one is talking about it made him realize hes here to stay. its "not a relationship" is now a joke, a funny belief of the past. it is love because i stood and took your abuse; not purposeful abuse, but being side swiped by an inability to control themselves. and i think hes smsrt enough to know that we are equals. he has had to carry me and stand thriugh and put up with anxiety because of me and i have done the same for him in times that are mentally very hard and even physically hard. i think its easy to say this is my boyfriend. this is my girlfriend. this is a relationship. but what does that even mean? my partner in life. to me, for the first time as an adult, i believe this might be setting ground work for a defining relationship in my life that is so enormous in what it could be that it simply cannot be done in fast forward. to be fair, i actuslly dont reallllyyy want to live with him right now. the comfort and safety of being able to leave when hes unbareable is so much better than being stuck. but what if that changes? what if his methods of expression become bareable? ive never seen someone grow. to make choices above the base one. but i know it happens. and to see this choice is inspiring and makes me want to make better choices. i feel about as bad for smoking his weed as he does for all the times he told me this isnt a relationship. i dont have guilt, unfortunately. i doubt he does either. but it can stop. on both sides it can stop and once it does, it doesnt need to be discussed or held on to. im hoping to watch a movie & get ready for my cleaning job but im 95% thsre - 5% wants to stay home and sleep but i want to atleast try to live my idealized version of the day becsuse i was given an idealized resolution this morning.