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#also works with post ending angst
mintypsii · 4 months
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guys i love them i promise i just have the urge to put them through the grinder sometimes
umm on the bright side here's the alternate good ending version lol!!!!!
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marragurl · 5 months
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Saxaphone player Gallagher has not left my mind since the jazz night art dropped AND THEN Robin saying Halovian’s innately have good voices and Sunday used to hum lullabies to her as kids happened in the 2.2 special program, and I’m sure you guys can see where my unfortunate Galladay heart is going with this.
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Whoever decided to make this art, I love you. I hope your pillow is cool every night, you’re never stuck in traffic, and your water is refreshing with every sip.
Also the art of Sunday with the White Gentlemen drink in the S.P.A.R.K.L.E jazz night event has also spiraled into me delusionally thinking that’s his go to drink. Which is hilarious since Robin has hinted before that he seems to have a massive sweet tooth in her letters.
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(Sunday how do you even make holding a drink menacing, Sunday please get some therapy-)
So imagine this:
Pre 2.0 Galladay, where they’re both wary and suspicious of each other but didn’t do anything outright. Sunday slowly began to visit Gallagher’s bar whenever he had time to observe the Hound, initially on the down low just to get a sense of what he was working with and what to keep an eye on. He always gravitated to that one corner booth that every bar had with the most privacy, and just stalked there for a few hours before leaving. (Smol menacing birb in a tree vibes)
Gallagher obviously knew that Sunday was doing this (even though everyone else seemed to somehow completely miss him, Gallagher wouldn’t be surprised if Sunday was doing some weird Harmony mind tricks), and after the first few “stakeouts,” he bit the bullet and actually approached the table to engage with Sunday, on the off chance this was some weird “test of loyalty” by the Halovian to see if the Hound would swallow his pride to serve his so-called masters.
Nothing terrible happened, but he remained passive-aggressively polite when serving him, and Sunday remained passive-aggressively cool-headed in response. There was some snark of what dear “sweet-toothed” Sunday would want at a bar, and an icy reply of “aren’t you the master drink smith? Why don’t you show me those skills you boasted about?” which led to Gallagher being petty and giving Sunday the White Gentlemen drink, both for the story behind it being such a metaphor for Sunday, and because it was on the more bitter side of alcoholic drinks.
Sunday wasn’t too against the drink; it wasn’t something he would have ordered if it had been his choice, but it wasn’t a bad drink by any means. He couldn’t help but continue to drink it even after Gallagher left his little hidey booth to go back to the main bar, but he’d never stoop so low as to complement the Hound. Of course, he never ordered anything else from then on, only White Gentleman. In fact, over time it seemed to slowly get better, the flavors grew on him, and he couldn't help but look forward to it during difficult nights in the Dreamscape.
If Gallagher tried to needle him into a different drink, Sunday just bit back a “oh? Admitting defeat? I thought this was your best drink for me?” with a little smirk while Gallagher had to use every bit of self-control to not punch him in the face.
As time went on, the bar slowly became a place Sunday frequented to not quite relax, but to get away from the hustle and bustle of Penacony and his duties as one of its main faces. The stresses slowly started piling up, especially with the Charmony fast approaching in a few months and all that came with it.
Gallagher didn’t seem to loosen up regarding his attitude with Sunday, but he did get better at shoving down the visceral hatred he had for everything to do with The Family and Sunday as time went on. He didn’t get soft with Sunday per se, but he definitely kept an eye out for him, and definitely knew when to cut off his drinks on days where it seemed that Sunday wasn’t all that there for their usual veiled comments towards one another when he went to serve him his drink.
It started small, with Sunday staying later and later until sometimes he was the last one to leave the bar to return to reality. Gallagher wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, still wasn’t quite sure this wasn’t some weird long-term test Sunday was devising, especially since he still seemed to be the same ruthless Family member, the same Head of the Oak Family, when Gallagher was working as a Bloodhound outside the bar. For some reason though, within the enclosed space of this strange sanctuary, it was almost peaceful between the two.
One night, there was something wrong when Sunday entered the bar during Gallagher’s shift. He saw a bit of a crowd near the small stage that was within eyesight of his little hidey booth, it seemed some of the musicians of the live band were arguing? He watched as Gallagher came over, seemed to try to speak with the group before honing in on one of the musicians who had been making the most noise and seemed to be about to get physical with the rest. Sunday watched as Gallagher picked up the musician by the scruff of their suit with one hand and carried them towards the doors and lightly tossed them out.
(It was the first time Sunday had actually seen Gallagher perform anything resembling the actual duty of a Bloodhound. It only hit him that he’d only ever seen the other when giving reports, orders, or at the bar. Why was this so shocking to him, he’d seen the man’s arms before, hard not to with his slovenly dress and messy clothing style, as if he couldn’t bother to hide away his imperfections from the world, not like Sunday who refused to be seen by the world, to dare to show one thing off about himself despite his countless failings- he’s getting far too distracted by one meager showing of strength, focus Sunday)
There had always been a live music segment. Sunday was curious to see what would happen with the band missing a member, but was distracted by Gallagher placing his usual White Gentlemen in front of him before heading back to the musicians without a single word to him. Gallagher took a moment to speak with the rest of the band, who seemed to be coming out of their shock and took on worried looks. Sunday could only watch in muted shock as Gallagher went behind the bar and came back with a case, opening it to reveal a saxophone. He then went on stage with the rest of the group, positioned himself further to the side and in the back amongst the shadows within Sunday’s line of sight, and played with the band for the rest of the night.
Sunday couldn’t look away.
He was frozen as he watched Gallagher seamlessly transition from song to song, taking only small breaks to continue serving the other patrons before heading back in. Sunday only remembered about his own drink when his gloves began to get wet from the ice melting into condensation on his glass.
Something felt off within Sunday, and for the first time since Robin’s debut, he couldn't help humming to the music of the band, music that wasn’t of his own sister’s making. He couldn’t help but remember those little concerts the two would have, taking care of his little sister, his only world. He would do anything to keep the Harmony, to keep their family going. When was the last time they truly spent time together? Before he became the Head of the Oak Family? Before he couldn't recognize his own smile?
He was so lost in his thoughts, in memories he thought he buried, that he didn’t realize that it was once again closing time, and he was once again the last one left. He only snapped out of it when Gallagher came by to grab his empty glass, only quirking a questioning brow at him before heading back to the bar.
Gallagher had been keeping a quiet eye on the Halovian that night from the back of the band, in the shadows he felt the most comfort in when in the Dreamscape of Penacony. He had watched Sunday’s eyes glaze over, and the only reason he hadn’t felt offended by the seeming disinterest was the look in the other man’s eyes reminding him of his own when he looked in the mirror. The same look of shame, regret, loss, longing, of the wishes to regain everything he had lost. The same look he strove to hide under every bit of the facade he had crafted of this new self, but came back all too often with every reference of the Family found within his prison in the Dreamscape.
Maybe it was the shared nostalgia within his own heart, that little bit of his true self that he thought died when the Family tore out everything that made him who he was, that made him return behind the bar and begin making Sunday another White Gentlemen, giving Sunday a small nod to beckon him over. He wasn’t expecting anything from it, and he masked his own surprise when Sunday actually left his little shelter to come and take a seat in front of him at the bar. Even while out of it, Gallagher made note of the quiet confidence the other still carried himself. Nothing seemed wrong to anyone else looking at him, only for the lost look in his eyes.
The first time in the many months that they’ve been skirting around each other, and finally they seemed to be face to face.
It was quiet as Gallagher made Sunday his usual drink, a drink he had been slowly changing over the months to be sweeter and sweeter that Sunday never quite seemed to notice, or if he did, he never said anything, only seeming to savor it more each subsequent night. Maybe not even Gallagher noticed his own changes to the drink, subtle as they were.
It was quiet as Sunday took the finished drink, and it was quiet as his eyes slid over the bartop to see the saxophone case laying open with the instrument inside. It was quiet as Gallagher followed his eyes, as he came out from behind the bartop to take the saxophone out and take a seat in a chair only one seat down from Sunday’s. It was quiet as Gallagher began to play to his audience of one.
It was quiet as Sunday quietly hummed along.
It was quiet as they both knew that it would not last.
OK yea so this was all because I heard ‘La vie en rose’ at the end of the Jazz night event and went “Damn I wish that’s Gallagher playing on his Sax” and then we spiraled.
Uh. Idk what it is with me having a small ship moment which then spirals into a full blown writing session. My mind blanked out and as I came to I find out that I made a whole ass little one shot over here then completely forgot about it WHOOPS
So yea, hope my fellow Galladay enjoyers… enjoyed! I think I’ve slowly begun to crave… not domestic or fluff per se from these two, but after every AO3 fic being super dark between them (which I get! They are the toxic yaoi kings of Penacony as of writing this, no one is denying that!) I think I want to see them be explored in a more melancholic sense. Not quite the “forbidden” love angle, but in the “damn we kinda have some parallels, and maybe in another life we could have gotten along but there’s too much baggage and anger, both historically and currently to really even try anything”
I have this feeling this may not be the last time I write about these two… is Galladay going to be the ship that gets me to actually use my AO3 account?
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afterartist · 2 months
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RAHH 100K VIEWS??!
Let’s gooo
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total-drama-brainrot · 6 months
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TD World Tour AU, where Noah doesn't tell Owen that Alejandro is an eel in London... In Area 51, Noah is accidentally splashed with an alien truth potion (which wears off after a few days) and he talks to Owen... Owen asks Noah what he truly thinks about Alejandro, and Truth-Potion Affected Noah says this: "I have mixed feelings for Alejandro. He's a brilliant, interesting guy and I like him, but I don't trust him. He's like a slippery eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. Basically, Heather with social skills. Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?!"... What if Alejandro secretly heard Noah call him all those conflicting things + Alejandro also learns that Noah is affected with an alien truth potion? 👽
Alright, you got me. I'm an absolute sucker for truth potion plots, especially when the character(s) effected by them are usually either pathological liars or incredibly secretive- of which Noah absolutely falls into the second category, given he shares so little personal information.
I'll gloss over why Noah declined to shit-talk Alejandro in London (though there's so many ways this change in behaviour could be justified) since the focal point of this hypothetical centred around their time in Nevada, so let's start from the beginning of the Area 51 challenge.
Area 51:
Before we start, it'll have to be established that no one was eliminated in London. Let's say that the majority vote went towards Duncan (team CIRRRRH voted him out immediately because they found his re-admission to the competition unfair, I guess. I imagine he'd also vote himself, if not as a plan to escape the competition he'd been actively skiving from, then just as an act of spite) but Chris instead claimed it was a rewards challenge- much like he does in Greece- because he doesn't want to let Duncan slip away again so soon.
I see no reason to alter the first part of the challenge- the sneaking into Area 51 portion- since team CIRRRRH's course of entry is fairly straightforward. Noah's presence doesn't make much of a difference to how it would play out; the majority of them throw their rocks and run, Owen gets lasered over the fence and Owen-napped, ect ect.
When both teams have managed to make their way into the Black Box Warehouse, Noah immediately suggests they should prioritise rescuing Owen. Tyler's quick to agree, since he's a firm believer in the "no man left behind" mentality (and he probably makes a not-so-subtle jab towards Noah for his chance of tune compared to London, where both he and Owen did leave Tyler behind) leaving Duncan and Alejandro to split from the group- Duncan in search of Gwen, and Alejandro just takes the opportunity to finally be free from his 'incompetent teammates' and prioritises finding an artifact.
Noah and Tyler come across the contraption Owen's trapped in, Tyler punches it in a futile effort to break it open, and the face hugger cube drops into Noah's hands. This is where the point of divergence comes into play; Tyler has his E.T. moment with one of the face huggers, but Noah- who's a tad bit more observant than Alejandro, and used to dodging surprise attacks from his various older siblings (and Izzy)- anticipates his own face hugger attack and promptly starts a game of cat-and-mouse with a taser alien hot on his heels.
The commotion of which attracts the rest of his team. Alejandro and Duncan arrive on the scene to see Tyler being electrocuted by an alien and Noah running in circles evading another.
Duncan attempts to rip the face hugger from Tyler's face, finding success at the cost of sending Tyler trampling into Owen's captive contraption (essentially taking Alejandro's canonical place in this scene) and inadvertently freeing Owen.
Meanwhile, Alejandro swipes up the nearest box he can find and snags the alien chasing Noah, who's still very loudly panicking as he flees, and succeeds! The alien is swiftly captured into the box, netting team CIRRRRH their artifact, and Noah promptly goes careening into the nearest tower of junk in his face hugger-fuelled hysteria. This causes another box to topple from the peak of the tower, landing directly on Noah's head and spilling its contents onto the bookworm- glass vials filled with a mysterious, luminescent cobalt blue liquid shatter into pieces drenching Noah in whatever they contained. (i.e. truth potion.)
Owen has his false-amnesia moment, characterised by his Joker makeover, and Alejandro enacts his revenge post-hypnotic suggestion after being addressed as "Al" one too many times.
Noah, understandably, swiftly objects to Owen's treatment and demands that Alejandro snap him out of it. Alejandro concedes, and Owen's brought back to himself. At least, for a moment, before the fatigue of having his mind messed with sends Owen into near-catatonia (the same as canon), meaning he has to be ferried through the Warehouse and back to the Jet by Alejandro and Duncan.
Things carry on canonically from there; Noah's just sort of there for the most part, though there'd be a minor hint to his newfound proclivity for honesty. Something along the lines of him giving an uncharacteristically honest answer to Owen as to who he's voting- Tyler, of course, since he was the one who ultimately threw the challenge for them... and also because Tyler still holds some resentment towards Noah for what happened in London, and Noah feels guilty about it every time he looks at the jock. Wait, why did he say that?
Sometime between this and the elimination scene, Noah wipes the truth-goop off of himself, but not before the effects have already started.
Tyler's voted out, yada yada yada.
The Jet:
Thus begins the start of "Picnic at Hanging Dork". Team CIRRRRH, consisting of just Alejandro, Duncan, Owen and Noah, are slumming it up in the Economy Cabin. Alejandro tries to rally his team by asking how to break apart Courtney and Heather's tentative co-operation. Owen suggests having Alejandro seduce Heather, since it worked for both Bridgette and Leshawna. Duncan makes his "Babe Olympics" comment. Noah pipes up that playing with someone's feelings is pretty scummy, even for someone competing for a million dollars.
Alejandro takes Noah's reluctance towards his methodology poorly; he hadn't spoken up before, when Alejandro had utilized the same strategy against other girls- and even Owen noticed that, so surely Noah did too- so why was he to outwardly against him using the same tricks? Duncan agrees, and offers ''his'' idea of having Alejandro flirt with Courtney to throw both her and Heather off their games (since Heather has an obvious crush on Alejandro), and things follow canon.
Then, the scene between Alejandro and Courtney happens. Noah scoffs at the display from the side lines, prompting Owen to ask him why he's so against Alejandro's plan.
"I mean, you never said anything before, when he flirted with Bridgette and Leshawna." Owen comments, light-hearted in nature but with an underlying questioning tone.
Noah's eyes flicker with a cobalt glow, easily mistaken for a trick of the light, and he speaks without even thinking.
"Yeah, because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bridgette was happenstance, and Leshawna's whole deal could've been a coincidence, or some massive misunderstanding. But this?" Noah extends an accusing hand out towards a smug looking Alejandro, then pans it over to a flattered Courtney, "He's outright toying with Courtney's feelings after she was cheated on in front of an international audience. It's scummy."
Owen nods in understanding, momentary contemplation evident in the pouted curve of his lips, and he chimes in.
"Does that mean you don't like Al?"
"I never said that."
"Well, how do you feel about him, then?"
Again, a flash of blue light against the hickory backdrop of Noah's eyes, and he responds thoughtlessly.
"I guess I have mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he's slippery, like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. He's like if you took all of the worst aspects of Heather, wrapped them up in a pretty package, and gave them social skills..." He holds his hands out before him in a scale-like manner, with the left tipped downwards and tie right raised by his chin. Then, the two hands swap positions.
"And on the other hand, he's brilliant. I've never met anyone as talented as Alejandro; he's smart, he's athletic, he's funny. It's almost unfair just how perfect everything about him is- even his face is perfect. It's ridiculous! Infuriating, even. It's so hard to dislike him, even when I know he's bad news, but that doesn't mean I trust him."
Owen stands slack jawed beside his best friend, both impressed and stunned at the raw honesty of Noah's tirade. Noah, now a little more aware of himself, realises that he's said more than he intended to- more than he thinks he's ever spoken in one go throughout the entirety of Total Drama. He's not usually one for speeches, after all, let alone honest ones.
He's always been the type to play his cards close to his chest, so why...?
"I, uh, didn't mean to go off like that."
And he also didn't mean to admit it, either. What was going on?
The look Owen gives him is, in a word, vivid. The blonde has a shit-eating grin stretching across his face, a sort of elated smugness practically glowing from his features.
"Sounds like someone has a cruuuush!~"
What? No? No! Not at all, where would Owen even get that idea?!
Noah splutters to correct Owen's assumption (to disastrous results, because he does sort-of has a crush on Alejandro, so the truth potion doesn't allow him to outright deny it), and in his preoccupied state he misses how a calculating pair of sage green eyes never seems to stray from him.
Alejandro has a lot to think about in regards to a certain cynic, it seems.
#I'd like to apologise for taking this idea and running with it.#Cutting myself off here before I breach 2k+ words or else I'll be here all day.#Sort of entered actual Writing Mode at the end there instead of Outline Mode but this idea is. So Full Of Potential I couldn't help myself.#But from here it'd basically be Alejandro using his newfound knowledge of Noah's crush on him to his advantage.#Whilst Noah's doing his best (and failing) to deny that he has any feelings for Alejandro.#Eventually leading to the two of them having a Bonding Moment where Alejandro gets Noah to divulge some personal information.#And in turn- or an effort to garner some trust (to be abused later)- Alejandro also lets himself be vulnerable towards Noah.#Something something Alejandro tries to use Noah as a pawn but ends up catching feelings of his own.#Then of course the potion wears off and Noah goes back to being just as prickly and standoffish as he was before.#A point of conflict maybe? Imagine bearing your soul out to someone only for them to close themself off to you not even days afterwards.#...Also imagine being practically forced to divulge information about yourself to someone you don't trust because of a truth potion.#Oh yeah. That's some good angst material right there.#Especially is you have Alejandro be- if not fully aware- than at least suspect that Noah's not being agreeable on his own terms.#Anon why have you given me The Thoughts?? I can't keep brainstorming AUs when I already have fics to work on!!#ophe's ranting in the tags again#total drama#td noah#td alejandro#team chris is really really really really hot#alenoah#-ish#silly ideas#other's ideas#long post#replies#kinda drafty in here (posts from the drafts)
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Akai Shuuichi isn't afraid of heights. Like any sane person, however, he dreads the fall.
Though he questions his sanity. Because try as he might to stay away from the edge, it calls to him. Staring into sweet oblivion sends shivers down his spine, the uncertainty of his fate a thrill like no other. Most days he trusts in himself, his ability to walk the razor's edge, but he's fallen before. And it hurt.
Of course, pain is just a part of life he's learned to live with. In his line of work, people get injured all the time. And if you can't handle that, you have to be very lucky to make it out alive. For the longest time, death wasn't an option.
(Now, it wouldn't be so bad.)
So he steadied himself, got smarter, hardier. Better at avoiding situations that result in pain. And better at shutting it out, too, when it did appear, in order to keep going.
Why, then, does his chest ache and burn?
It's quite simple.
Layers and layers of ice, degrees of separation in place precisely to protect him from pain like this, melted through by Rei's blazing heat.
What a stupid thing he's done, to get attached again.
He could've tried to resist, at the start. Before things had gone too far. Before he got to know Furuya Rei.
But maybe, by then, it was already too late. In truth, he probably doomed himself years ago, when he accepted Scotch's offer of companionship. It brought Bourbon into his orbit, and the man's never been any less than doggedly persistent. Once Shuuichi let him in, he was never going to escape unscathed.
Shuuichi let him get too close, and got burnt as a result. Could see it coming, too, for the longest time. But how was he supposed to escape Rei's brilliance? His touch, devastatingly kind? It would be like trying to block out the sun - an exercise in painful impossibility.
So he's stopped trying, and embraced the wildfire that is Rei. Of course he burns, it's his nature.
(There's some things Shuuichi will need to reevaluate about his own, now that he has time. Because he certainly never thought of himself as a masochist, and yet, despite the pain, he knows one thing for certain: he wouldn't want things any other way.)
(Not one that is available to him, at least.)
Thus, he resorts to clinging to the vestiges of patience and composure he has cultivated for years to keep working through the situation with a cool head.
To do what is right.
He's putting back together what he tore apart, unwittingly, some three years ago now. Their struggle is over. They deserve to rest and recover, nurse their wounds - together.
It doesn't matter that he feels like he's bleeding out. He's used to patching himself up, after all.
And he's glad that he can do this for his... friends. The term invokes a foreign, gentle joy. They're no longer team mates, no longer allies, no longer forced together by circumstance. That's in the past, now. They stick to each other by choice, these days. That makes them friends, right?
He's happy for his friends.
Shuuichi pours himself another glass of scotch.
.
He should've picked a different hotel than his family.
Rather, his family should've really looked into a permanent residence already, considering Masumi has decided she doesn't want to go back to Britain. It's not like mother could refuse, after all the things his little sister did for her - not least of which, coming clean to Shiho and convincing her to share the APTX antidote, when all was said and done.
They're certainly not lacking in money, and Shuuichi's sure the Hanedas have connections that would make finding a flat, or even a house, possible, even on short notice.
Then again, Masumi told him they've been living in a hotel for more than half a year - maybe they've simply grown used to the comforts. It's not for him, but he's rarely seen eye to eye with mother.
Regardless, none of this excuses banging at his door at seven in the morning, on the dot.
"Shuu, are you up yet?"
Well, if he wasn't, he surely would be, now. Years undercover have left him a light sleeper out of necessity - it's a habit he won't be able to break for quite a while, even if he wanted to.
Still, the splitting headache and nausea make him consider playing dead. He doesn't feel much better than it, in any case.
Another set of knocks shakes his door. He loves his sister, and her determination is one of her best traits. But some of these days, it's also highly inconvenient.
"One moment."
He drags himself off the barstool, checks the mirror. Can almost hear Rei telling him he looks like death warmed over. Roughly two hours of sleep half-draped over the hotel room bar certainly didn't do him any favours.
He buttons up his shirt in an attempt at modesty, combs back his hair roughly. Part of him wants to send Masumi away - she's idolised him for too long. His little sister doesn't deserve to have the illusion of composure shattered, shouldn't have to see him, like this.
But she told him, at her birthday party, trying alcohol for the first time in their family home, under his watchful eyes. Always direct, but, as it turned out, even more so when tipsy:
'When all of this is over, I want my brother back. Just...you, however you are.'
If Shuuichi waits for a time where he feels ready to talk to her, won't stain her merely by existing in proximity, they'll never get to meet at all.
(He can't have that. He's missed too much, already.)
So he drags himself to the door, dishevelled, morning breath and all. Opens it a crack.
"Morning." If his voice is a little rougher than usual, there's nothing he can do about it.
Masumi pushes the door wide open so she can step in, giving him a wide berth. Inspects him head to toe, worry clear in her scowl and the wrinkle of her nose.
"...is this a bad time?", she asks, a glint to her eyes as she notices the half-empty bottle of scotch on the bar's counter. She can't help it - a detective through and through, and not good enough at feigning nonchalance yet. The evidence at the crime scene is surely forming a rather damning picture - he really should have put the bottle back into the bar before letting her in.
She plops down on the small sofa, makes herself comfortable while he opens the window. That should at least give them some relief from the smells accumulated overnight in the room.
"No. You're just here early. Is something the matter?"
He doesn't bother with pleasantries on principle, but at this hour he finds himself even less inclined. Besides - she wouldn't be here this early if it wasn't important. At least Shuuichi dearly hopes she has more sense than that.
Masumi looks down at the floor, a little guilty. He settles on the barstool and waits for her hesitation to blow over. Must really be looking like shit, if he's managed to curb her usual enthusiasm.
"I was going to ask for a favour, but I'm really not sure-"
He gives her an unimpressed look, from up upon his perch. It's a little too early to beat around the bush.
"Masumi." A single word, aimed to cut her off with calm precision. "How do I help?"
He might not be feeling well, but he's a professional - he's worked in worse conditions, for less important reasons. He'll drag himself out of his slump, if she needs him.
"You don't have to. It's silly." She gives him a sheepish smile, fangs and all.
"That's for me to decide, once you let me know what you need. So?"
She steadies herself, looks up at him, and sighs.
"For context, it's been months now, but Ran's still down about the whole Shinichi fiasco. So, we've decided to surprise her with an outing, tomorrow night."
So far so good, although he doesn't see where that concerns him.
"It was gonna be just us girls, and I'm confident that between Ran and myself, we can handle anyone stupid enough to try and cause trouble. But you know how it is in Beika. There's always a risk."
He does indeed know how Beika has somehow overtaken Osaka in every single criminal statistic there is. If she didn't have friends here, he would suggest moving elsewhere. He hears Nagano is very lovely, all year 'round.
"So we were discussing if there's anyone we could bring for company. And, well-"
"Go on."
"Sonoko somehow - I'd really like her resources - caught wind that Okiya Subaru is back on 'vacation'. She might have suggested asking him to accompany us?"
Not entirely unexpected - miss Suzuki had taken something of a liking to him, for whatever reason. It's a testament to the improvement of his acting skills. Engaging with kids and teenagers is a far cry more difficult and involved than his cover as Rye, somehow.
"...she may also be under the inaccurate impression, you, well, he could be a potential match for Ran."
At least his sister's on the right page there. That's not happening, never in a thousand years. Even if Ran wasn't barely more than half his age, she's too innocent, selfless, kind. If something like love exists in his heart, it couldn't ever be for someone like her - not again.
"You want me to decline the offer, then?" Simple enough.
Masumi shakes her head.
"No, Sonoko's right. It's always good to have an extra pair of eyes, and I'd love to have you with us. Been too long since we last spent time together. Besides, I don't think Ran is even interested in you - or anyone, really, after that disaster..." It takes him a moment to place the bitterness in her voice, uncharacteristic as it is.
"And that is unexpected?"
"No. I get it, she needs time. But she's miserable, and I want her to cheer up already..." Masumi mumbles the latter half to herself, subdued. Shuuichi's not sure he was supposed to hear that, but, well. He did.
"You'll get through to her eventually."
Good back-up gets one out of the toughest of scrapes, he can attest to that. If his sister is determined to get Ran to feel better, her persistence will make it come true, eventually.
"I sure hope so." She smiles up at him.
He finds his lips quirking up in response. "You focus on helping her. I'll cover your back."
He's sure he'll manage not to indulge miss Suzuki's delusions too badly. Rei often let him know how off-putting he can be, after all - finally a good use for his skills.
"Thanks, Shuu."
She gets up. Stops a couple of steps away from him, hovering uncertainly. When he raises an eyebrow, he can almost see the 'ah, fuck it', and then she's hugging him. Shuichi pats her back, a little awkwardly.
"Any time", he says and means it. "If there's anything else..."
She tenses next to him, but shakes her head.
"No, it's...I'm fine. Don't worry about it."
Well, now he is a little worried. He'll need to keep an eye out for whatever's troubling her.
"Alright." He won't push her; she'll tell him if she needs to.
Masumi lets go and scurries off, fleeing for the door.
"Text me the time and place, I'll be there."
"Will do. See you tomorrow." She nods and waves her goodbye. He follows to lock the door behind her, the bolt sliding shut with a satisfying clack.
There's just one small problem. He currently doesn't have Okiya's get-up. And Okiya doesn't live in this hotel.
After dropping him off yesterday, Shuuichi had planned not to bother him for a couple of days. Well. That plan has just been tossed out the window rather unceremoniously.
It can't be helped. With a bit of apprehension, he calls Scotch.
.
Under the cover of darkness, Shuuichi scales the garden wall, dropping into the Kudo's backyard without issue. The alarms have been disabled according to the schedule he provided.
He slips in through the unlocked backdoor, shutting it behind himself. The security systems of the place are too familiar; he reactivates them on autopilot. Better to avoid unpleasant surprises, wherever possible.
Clearly, Scotch had a similar idea - Shuuichi can barely see his outline in the darkened kitchen, but the revolver he gave to him gleams in the dim light. It's nice to see he's making good use of it.
Sharp blue eyes scan him.
"The passphrase?"
Nostalgia steals the air from his lungs. Between unsafe safe houses, a trigger-happy Bourbon, and working with people best described as shapeshifters, they needed a way to identify themselves, and quickly, when they returned home.
It's been years since he's last spoken it, but the passphrase comes to him as easily as breathing.
"Eat, drink, and be merry..."
Scotch had suggested the words, years ago. The motto he lived by, when not on the job, in order to not lose his sanity. The motto he'd imposed on Rye, as well, when they became partners.
A cheshire grin in the night.
"...for tomorrow we die." Scotch finishes their creed, lowers the revolver.
"Welcome home, Rye."
.
It's always been easy to find comfort by Scotch's side. Between the greeting, making gyoza together - which goes much better than their attempts years ago - and watching mindless action movies with a glass of bourbon, ripping apart impossible stunt work, it's difficult not to fall into a simulacrum of the fragile peace they'd carved out for themselves, away from organisation work.
Only this time, the peace is real.
Despite his apprehensions about meeting Scotch, Shuuichi's glad he's here - travelling with him is one thing, but he didn't realize just how much he's missed downtime with his ex-partner. Scotch's sharp intellect and easy-going attitude make for pleasant company.
It's exactly what he needs to unwind.
Which is why he doesn't see how Scotch has him cornered until it's too late.
.
The neighbourhood of the Kudo manor is quiet, at night.
As they head out onto the balcony for a smoke in the moonlight, their conversation turns to hushed whispers. Mellowed by an evening of pleasant company and several drinks, the world sharpens into focus between them, illuminated by the glow of their cigarettes.
Standing would be too visible, so they sit on the stone floor, side by side, like so many times before.
"Hey, Akai?" His name, not his monicker. A chilling sense of dread creeps into his chest. Please, no.
"Hm?"
"Thank you."
Shuuichi closes his eyes. He can take a good guess where this is going. Thus, he takes a deep drag from his cigarette, and braces himself.
"You know. For letting me meet Zero."
He'd been hoping against hope they could avoid the topic altogether. After all, they've made it several hours without addressing it. But unfortunately, it seems his luck has run out.
(Still, having seen Scotch in good spirits all evening makes it worthwhile, just a bit.)
Maybe they can just move along quickly.
"Think nothing of it."
"No. Akai, listen. I know you had to pull some strings to make it happen, and I want you to know I appreciate that. We appreciate that - even if Zero is pissed. First thing he did was slap me; told me I was late."
Scotch laughs, low and sweet in the night air.
They both know he let himself get slapped - Rei tends to telegraph too much, when he's angry, and surely it's even more obvious for someone so intimately familiar with him. The thought stings. And yet, through it, Shuuichi can't help the help the small smile creeping on his face. That sounds like Rei, all right. He would've liked to see it - someone else the target of his anger, for once.
Scotch seems happy to just bask in the memory, but Shuuichi's curiosity has been piqued.
"Did you manage to resolve your issues?" After all, that was the goal. If they didn't, none of this was worth it - several hoops he jumped through, bureaucratic and personal, for nothing.
"It's tentative, so far, but I have faith we'll get there. We've been through too much, together, at this point. This won't break us... I hope."
Shuuichi is reminded painfully of the bits and pieces he's heard of their childhood adventures. Fishing and fighting and being friends. It must be nice, to have found love so early in life. To get to keep it, too.
"I don't think so, it's clear how much he missed you. I'd be surprised if he ever let you go again." It leaves him a little cold, to no longer be the focal point of Furuya's burning determination. Chasing him was always just a means to an end for getting to Scotch. And now his wish has been granted. Shuuichi hopes it's worth it.
When he smiles, Shuuichi is sure this is Hiro, the person closest to Rei. It burns, but at the same time he finds himself glad that Scotch shines with such utter fondness when he talks of Zero. That's what Rei deserves, after all.
"I hope so. I don't intend to leave again, anyways. Every single day when I was hiding, I missed him."
It's a quiet, gentle admission Akai isn't sure how to handle. All these emotions are a bit too much - he's not used to being thanked, unless it's with useless medals, and he's not used to being confided in. He supposes it's nice that Scotch trusts him enough to lay himself bare like this, nowadays. Still, he can't help but wish for the old times, when they were much better at keeping their feelings out of his face. He's already happy for them; isn't that enough?
Scotch turns to look at him, blue eyes burning bright in the moonlight.
"And I missed you, too."
Cold wind tousles his hair. Shuuichi stares at Scotch.
If he didn't know what to say before, he certainly doesn't do so now. How can Hiro say that so easily? It's too personal. It's one thing to have his little sister say it, who only ever saw an idealized version of him to look up to. For Scotch to say this, despite knowing what he did, who he is - it makes Shuuichi nauseous.
Because he can tell Scotch is being painfully genuine.
'I missed you too', burns in his throat. But too many conflicting emotions keep it tightly sealed. His breathing becomes difficult, requires a conscious effort to take air in, hold, breathe out. Repeat.
And Scotch isn't even done yet.
"Akai. I have to get used to that name now, huh? Feel free to call me by my name, too, if you want."
With how his mind is spinning, it's difficult to figure out what he wants at all, besides for Scotch, no, Hiromitsu to stop. He's ripping apart the bubble of warm nostalgia that was enveloping them so nicely, leaving them exposed to the present. The night is cold and uncertain, without its protection.
"...you haven't been meeting my eyes all evening. Please, Akai - let me know what's wrong. We couldn't, back then, but I'd like to be your friend, now."
It's the kindest smile he's seen on Sc- Hiromitsu yet, and it's too much. Shuuichi has to avert his eyes, can't keep looking at his former partner, all earnest focus placed on him. A shiver runs downs his spine.
There's few things he wants more, in life.
"...we are", he manages to tear from his aching throat, choked up with emotion. This is a bad idea. He's not supposed to get attached. He's just making the same mistake, over and over again. He should've kept quiet.
(If he'd told Akemi how he truly felt, would it have mattered?)
"Then why do you seem miserable, whenever you look at me? Why do you try to avoid me? Don't think I didn't notice."
Of course he did, always too sharp. So helpful, on a mission, and occasionally in private too; he'd know they were getting sick before they really felt it, start treatment with soup and tea early. Taking care of them, even then.
"It's got nothing to do with you, it's-" 'me', he wants to say. Fear and bitter envy, the brunt of which Hiromitsu really doesn't deserve to face. So Shuuichi's been trying to avoid them, and, by extension, his former partner.
He manages to catch himself in time, before he gives voice to feelings that can't be unsaid.
"Yes?" Hiromitsu's voice is calm and patient and Shuuichi hates him for the attention he's paying to him.
He manages to correct his course in time, if barely.
"You and Rei deserve some time alone, now that you're finally back together." It's close enough, only a partial lie. They're so important to each other, and he truly wants them to make up. He'd only be in their way.
"Rei, hm?" Hiro smiles at him. Of course he picked up on Shuuichi's blunder.
He's had just about enough of being cornered. Gets up and is about to head inside and maybe hide in the attic for a while. The door can be barricaded from the inside. Hiromitsu rises after him, puts a hand around his wrist in a vice grip.
"Let. Go." It takes all his patience to not just break Scotch's arm and leave.
"I'm sorry for pushing you, Akai. Please, give me half a minute more."
Unfortunately, his best glare stopped working on Scotch several years back. Shuuichi looks at his wristwatch, starts counting down. As soon as Hiromitsu starts talking, he knows his time is better spent focusing on what he has to say, instead.
"Look at me, Akai, and listen up. You can't get between the two of us. I've offered you a place at my side years ago, and Zero... well, he's come around. The offer still stands. It wasn't conditional, but if it was, you would've earned your place easily, by now. I owe you my life, and so does Zero, several times over."
"We did what we had to, and you did the same for me." For the longest time it was that simple, their relationship purely transactional, because Bourbon could only ever deal in exchanges. A favour for a favour.
It's long since stopped working that way, and Shuuichi knows it.
"Oh, please. None us had to do anything more than cooperate on missions, and yet we all chose to do so anyways. You're one of us, Akai. Stop fighting it."
And he wants to, desperately so. The thought of spilling his rotten insides for them to see has him sick to his stomach, and yet, how much worse could it be than what they've already witnessed?
Hiromitsu squeezes his arm, a burning brand of human connection. It staves off the cold, just a little.
When he speaks again, it's soft, but firm.
"You should've joined us for dinner, yesterday. Both of us missed you."
Shuuichi doesn't know what to say to that, too busy fighting his internal battles, but surely something shows on his face, because Hiro laughs at him.
"As amusing as it is to see you flush, no, that wasn't an invitation to a threesome."
...he isn't quite sure whether he's supposed to be relieved, or crestfallen, at this.
"I didn't think-"
"Yeah, I'm sure you didn't." Hiromitsu's smile is too sly and knowing. It's a testament to the fact Shuuichi's spent too much time with Furuya, because wiping it off his face in a fight sure sounds appealing, right about now.
He's always been better at expressing himself through deeds rather than words, anyways.
"Otherwise, I wouldn't need to set the record straight. Zero's furious, by the way. Count yourself lucky that I'm the one breaking the news to you. He doesn't appreciate being set up on a date with his best friend."
Hiromitsu pauses, presumably to let that sink in. Shuuichi stares him down. That is supposed to be new information, how?
"Let me be perfectly clear: I love Zero."
He says it easily, with a sweet smile. It stings fiercely in Shuuichi's chest. By now, he thinks he knows what Hiromitsu is playing at, but unfortunately that knowledge doesn't prevent it from being an effective tactic.
(If this is how Hiromitsu treats his friends, he doesn't want to be his enemy.)
"He's my best friend, I love him like a brother. But he's family. Nothing more, nothing less."
There's a small pang of guilt at the relief that floods his system, but he needs it said explicitly to really believe it.
"You aren't a couple, then?"
Hiromitsu raises an eyebrow, as if to ask 'and why would that matter to you?' But thankfully he's done teasing, or Shuuichi really would need to break something, or rather, someone.
"No. I can see how you got the idea, but there's never been anything between us. Zero says you have a brother? Imagine we presumed the same about you two, just because you're close."
The confirmation lets him breathe more freely, even if it will need time to settle. His mind is still spinning, too many thoughts fighting for control. From this mess, of all things, his long-forgotten manners emerge as the failsafe. "Sorry."
Hiromitsu waves it off with a grin.
"I don't mind too much, we got excellent dinner out of it. Thank you for that, by the way. But do make sure to apologize properly to Rei."
Hiro winks at him, then straightens, looks him in the eye.
Squeezes his arm a final time, before he lets go.
"I mean it, Akai - you're our friend. And I hope you rest a little easier, knowing the truth."
Shuuichi does.
.
He's five minutes late to the requested location downtown - through little fault of his own, this time.
Masumi's text arrived a mere twenty minutes ago, and the things PSB liaison Akai Shuuichi might get away with, such as speeding, don't apply to the civilian Okiya Subaru (though that would admittedly be a very nice perk of the job).
He can hazard a guess why Masumi didn't send the details earlier as he drives past the building in question to find a parking spot - she probably didn't want to give him time to reconsider and back out.
Because she's dragging him to a goddamn karaoke bar, and, standing in the huddle of girls waiting for him, is Miyano Shiho.
His instincts tell him to cancel, to take up position on the rooftop bar across the street - it would provide easier surveillance options.
(But he's tried to protect Akemi from afar, and failed her, miserably.)
Besides, he promised, and he really does try to be better, these days.
So he smiles, all awkward and apologetic Subaru, as he joins them. It's going to be a long night.
(He's soothed by the smell of Rei's hypoallergic fabric softener clinging to the sweater he picked. Can't help but feel that there would be a certain appeal to sharing them, if Rei were open to the idea.)
.
The evening goes better than he imagined, all things considered, even if there's crying involved - as is often the case when he meets Mouri Ran.
It's a pleasant distraction, if nothing else.
He keeps an eye on Masumi all night to see what could possibly be bothering her, but as far as he can tell she's genuinely happy to spend the night with her friends. In fact, considering she told him how it had been too long since they'd last seen each other, she pays surprisingly little attention to him.
He prefers it this way.
(Although he would've liked to ask for her advice on how to apologise properly. Alas, this is probably not the right time, or place.)
.
Mostly he stays at their table, watching the girls' drinks and the crowd, occasionally giving guys who seem to consider chatting the girls up cheerful glares. Masumi made her wishes very clear, after all.
It's a good thing he talked to Scotch Hiromitsu yesterday. Enthusiasm permeates the bar, but unfortunately confidence doesn't equate to talent. Several of the loud, out of tune performances would've been torture with a hangover.
He finds himself humming along to the classics regardless.
As it is, it's almost pleasant. Sure, Shiho keeps ignoring him when it's just the two of them left at the table, but that's better than open hostility. Probably.
(It feels a little worse.)
.
Two hours in Sonoko ushers Ran to stay with Subaru rather conspicuously.
Smalltalk is stilted between them, lacking in common ground, and it doesn't really help that their connection is through the Kudo family, the memories of which she's here to escape for the night. She's polite as ever, but without the other girls as buffer, the conversation quickly runs dry.
Thankfully, the girls' singing distracts them soon enough. A cutesy pop song about moving on, dedicated to Ran.
She seems about ready to cry halfway through, and by the time they're done she's sniffling and trying to discreetly wipe her tears. Shuuichi gives her a handkerchief and pats her back rather awkwardly in an effort to try and soothe her. He hopes the girls will be back soon to take care of this. He's woefully underqualified to handle this kind of situation.
When they finally do get back, he plans to excuse himself, but before he finds a good time he's swept up in a group hug instead.
Turns out he might have misread the situation - what with Ran being overjoyed at her friends' continued support, and needing to express that, somehow. How exactly that translates into him also being included in their huddle is beyond his comprehension, but he's not going to struggle and cause a scene.
(It's kind of nice to see her smile again - gloominess doesn't suit her.)
.
It might've been a bit too much excitement for Ran, because around midnight she's almost falling asleep at their table. At this point, the rest of the girls declare their mission a success, and the focus shifts to trying to figure out how to get back in the middle of the night.
Shuuichi volunteers to drive them home.
It's crammed in his little Subaru, but the girls manage, and once he's dropped off Sonoko, things quiet down considerably.
Masumi makes him swear not to tell their mother how long they were out.
He agrees, of course, knowing he got up to much worse as a teen - back when he was still susceptible to peer pressure and living abroad in a fraternity, alcohol made him do very stupid things indeed to prove his worth.
If this is how Masumi chooses to defy their mother, he'll take it - she could be up to so much worse.
She's arranged to stay with Ran; thus, he's released from his services for the night. He watches as they help each other up the stairs, leaning in close, whispering and laughing to each other.
He would make an assumption, now, but Hiromitsu's words are still clear in his mind.
So for now, he refrains, and is simply glad they're supporting each other.
.
In the end, predictably, Shiho is the only one left in the car.
"Didn't dare to join us wearing your own skin, cousin?"
He shrugs. "Masumi requested Subaru."
"Well. At least you didn't creep on us from several buildings away. Baby steps." 'But progress, nonetheless', her small smile says.
He doesn't know why he says it. Maybe because it's late. Because Scotch Hiromitsu has chipped away at his protective tissue. Because it's Shiho.
"Staying away didn't save her." He doesn't need to say who - the same wound is carved into Shiho's heart, after all. And judging by the songs she chose to sing today, it still bleeds just the same.
She sighs, long-winded and too world-weary for a girl her age.
"No. No, it didn't. All it did was rob us of the time we had with her. Utter idiocy, in retrospect."
Shuuichi hums in agreement. Lost opportunities they'll never get back, all thanks to lies and the wish to protect her.
"I tried to push her away, you know? I was too involved - maybe, if she didn't know what I was doing, she could retain her innocence. Maybe she could even leave, one day, I'd hoped. But she clung to me stubbornly."
Never backing down from what she wanted, from those she loved. That's the women he fell for.
Shuuichi finds himself smiling, somewhat pained.
"She loved you dearly, to the bitter end."
He hands her the flip phone that has been his constant companion for almost a year now. Past the lockscreen waits Akemi's last message to him. With its P.S., asking him to protect her dear little sister, if the worst should come to pass.
He never got to reply to her, to promise that he would, of course he would.
It's short, so Shiho doesn't take long to read it. She attempts to hand it back, eyes glistening, but not crying.
Always composed, in front of him.
"Keep it."
It hurts to let go of it, but Shiho deserves to have assurance of Akemi's love, even in death.
(Unlike himself, who only ever lied to her.)
She looks up at him, uncertain, but what she reads on his face seems enough to convince her. She snaps the phone shut, cradles it to her chest.
Smiles grimly at him. "Thank you."
The rest of the car ride passes in silence.
They split up in front of the Kudo mansion.
"...I was planning to visit her grave on the weekend. You should come."
.
Shuuichi knows where Akemi's ashes have been laid to rest - he was the one to pay for her funeral, after all.
(Once upon a time, he'd dreamt of a future with her, of being family. Cruel irony, how that turned out to be true.)
Since her parents were never officially buried, and he hadn't been able to reach Shiho, he'd made the selfish decision to have Akemi's ashes stored in the Sera family grave.
He hasn't had the time to visit, yet - first, things had been too dangerous, then too busy, and by now, he's really just been unable to face her, alone. He's glad he doesn't have to, now.
Shiho sets down an incense stick, and some cut flowers - white gladioli. Shuuichi squats down next to her, puts down his flowers - lilies, also white - into the vase and lights the incense.
"Hey, sis. Look who I managed to drag along."
"Hello, Akemi." Sorry it took so long.
They stand, side by side, in silent prayer.
He's had days to prepare himself, to think about what he wants to say to her. But as he stands before her grave, all that's left is sorrow, a hollow in his chest where she should be.
(Filled with regret, and someone else. Jodie's right. He's a terrible partner.)
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you the truth.
I'm sorry I left you behind.
I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.
I miss you.
The gentle smile when she talked about her little sister. The sweet blush when he'd kissed her hand. The way she'd awkwardly apologize for flipping the pancake she was making for breakfast into the sink. The ikebana arrangements she'd spend hours and hours on, decorating her flat. Her kind hands, mending his body and soothing his soul. The way the sunlight would turn her hair into gold.
A thousand small joys she gave to him, and all he had for her in turn were lies.
He doesn't remember the last time he cried - maybe as a child, when he fell and scraped his knee. It feels so far away.
His body doesn't remember how to, either - otherwise he surely would be, now.
How cruel. Even in death, he can't show her his honest feelings.
Shuuichi shows her cold comfort, instead.
Takes out a plastic evidence bag he requisitioned from the PSB, and places it on the altar as an offering. In it, the shattered scope of a rifle, splattered with its owner's blood. Gin's. It was found by his side, together with his Beretta, the instrument of his voluntary destruction. As the PSB forces had closed in on him, he'd chosen to kill himself, rather than surrender.
When Shuuichi lies awake at night, it irks him that Gin had a choice, at the end, where he took it away from so many others. He didn't deserve that kindness. A part of him is furious that he wasn't there to see his enemy's dying breaths, preferably through the scope of his rifle.
But it was probably for the best - if he'd been there, he's not sure he could've reigned himself in. Might've murdered Gin with his own two hands, and become the kind of monster he swore to hunt. (And if he's completely honest, there's another possibility: caught in a struggle with his enemy, he might have lost sight of his surroundings and slipped up. Facing Gin, that would've been a death sentence.)
Instead, and he's got the boy to thank for that, he was tasked with keeping their allies - Rei - alive and breathing. He can't help but feel like that matters.
I'm sorry I couldn't avenge you; you deserved better.
But he won't be making anyone miserable, anymore.
It's over, and they're still standing, in defiance of the bloodlust of their enemies. He's managed to keep one promise to Akemi, at least.
I'll continue to watch over her, if she lets me.
Shiho claps beside him, done with her prayer.
Thank you for everything.
The incense stick's stump turns to ash and scatters in the wind.
I hope your spirit can find peace, Akemi.
.
When he lights himself a cigarette to calm his mind, Shiho holds out a hand, wordlessly, expectantly.
He regards her with mild curiosity, but offers the pack regardless.
"What. You think I haven't done worse?"
She snatches his lighter, and with a hiss of flame, lights up her own cigarette.
"Akemi used to tell me to stay away from drugs, but I deserve this for bringing you here."
She takes a deep drag, managing not to cough. It's clear, from her posture and practiced ease, that it's far from her first foray into smoking.
"I hated you, you know? For the longest time. For playing with her, breaking her heart, leaving her behind, all alone. Leaving her to die."
It burns his lungs, to have his own thoughts voiced out loud, by Shiho of all people. But he deserves every cruel word dropped from her lips - she speaks nothing but the truth, after all. He needs to bear her judgement.
Shiho smiles, grimly. Doesn't look at him, focused on the grave instead.
"But not Akemi. She saw through you, and loved you still. Forgave you, even, because that's the kind of person she was."
A cold spring breeze plays with her hair. The sweater and cap protect him from the worst of it, but it still bites at his face, makes his eyes sting.
"I don't think I can ever be as forgiving as she was. You were, and still often are, an unrepentant jerk."
She turns to look at him, eyes as hard as steel. So familiar his eyes burn. He can't look away.
"But her death is not your fault."
It's cloaked in insults and pain. But it's an absolution he could never have asked for, one no one else could have given him. His breathing stops, then comes a little easier.
"Neither is it Kudo's. Did he ever tell you? He was there, watched her die. For the longest time, I blamed him for not saving her. He's brilliant when he puts his mind to it. Did he care so little, as to not even try?"
She shakes her head.
"It is a cruel thing to begrudge him for having witnessed her death. He was just a kid - small, powerless, afraid. Up against enemies that tried to kill him, too, only failed through sheer luck. I had to first be put into the same shoes to understand that."
As if she's not just a kid now, too. Neither of them should have gone through what they did, and yet it happened, has left them weathered and worn, tired beyond their years. They're still young - he hopes they can recover from the worst.
"I'm trying to tell myself it's not my fault either. She died for me, for us, trying to get us out of there. But I didn't know. She kept it from me, in case something went wrong. And I lie awake, going over conversations, wondering if I missed any signs. If I could've warned her or stopped her. If she could still be here, that way."
He's familiar with the spirals and hypotheticals, repeating the scenario over and over, to look for a way out. It never changes the facts.
"That kind of thinking gets you nowhere."
She gives him a sharp glare, a wordless threat to 'shut the fuck up'. He takes a step back, raising a hand in surrender.
"I know it's useless. Because she is dead, and no amount of analysing can bring her back. At least the one person who truly is at fault will not be a problem any longer. That's a small comfort."
She glares at the scope with barely concealed hatred in her eyes.
"And that's all there is. Akemi was proud and strong-willed - she chose her path. Not reaching out to any of us for help was a choice she made. I can't take away her agency in this matter."
Shiho smiles, pained and beautiful in the setting sun.
"The worst thing is that if she hadn't done what she did, I might still be a prisoner of the organisation. I'd like to think she didn't want to die to achieve it, but she'd be so happy to see me living in the sunlight, once more."
"She would be overjoyed." It's an obvious and simple truth he can't help but confirm.
Oh. Shiho's crying, now, quiet tears trailing down her cheeks, reflecting the sunlight in streaks of gold. It shaves years of her worn face, makes her look as young as she truly is.
He gives her a handkerchief, is glad to see her accept it. She wipes her face, smudging some of the make-up - he'll need to let her know before they return to the public. She doesn't usually like it when people can see past her composure. Shuuichi's pretty sure he, too, shouldn't be here to witness this.
But she doesn't hide from him, today, so he'll take all she gives to him, and treasure it.
"I brought you here because I'm trying to be better. I got a second chance at life, and I want to take it, all of it, for myself and for Akemi. But I won't be able to, if I hold on to useless grudges."
She looks at the handkerchief in her hands.
"You're a jerk, but you're not horrible. And you're trying to be better, too."
She holds out her hand.
"I want to get to know you, Akai Shuuichi. Maybe we could start with meeting for coffee?"
He waits for her to take it back, to reconsider.
She just looks at him expectantly, raises an eyebrow too when he doesn't comply immediately.
Shuuichi is many things, but he tries not to be a coward.
So he fights the vertigo, takes a leap of faith.
"I'd like that."
And shakes her hand.
.
Sweater Weather AU masterpost
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crustycrackhead · 1 month
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Swampcat but the fic I can’t fucking write but I’m throwing the idea to the tank of sharks— I need to like clean it up but this is a very barebones sketch lol— also I think it would be slay if Kremy has reading glasses (old man)
*I sit a round table full of papers, it’s frantic, it’s crazy (normal), I sound desperate as I describe the scenes to you*
Go under here for my crazy
First lil encounter to me where they start piquing each other’s interests… you picking up what I’m putting down?
Somethign somethign, they usually do their paperwork, accounting, tax fraud in complete silence. It’s both of their quiet time, it’s a welcomed bliss because the rest of the party is pretty loud. ADHD AUTISM BODY DOUBLING MOMENT OKAY!!!
Okay anyway, I think from what I picked up, they’re both pretty competent at handling money and numbers. (Good at math, Frost would be really into theoretical mathematicals while Kremy is more applied maths core. This is all headcanon lol). FUCK IM BAD AT SUMMARIZING SHIT BYT ANYWAYS—
Eventually during their wordless agreement, they begrudgingly let each other check each other’s work, looking for errors and proofreading shit. Mutual respect (THIS IS LIKE SEX TO ME). Blah blah blah, you’re prolly getting tired of me rambling BUT UR IN MY LION’S DEN AND YOU MUST SIT AND LISTEN TO ME!!! 🫵🫵🫵
Frost leans in as he looks over Kremy’s paperwork (this is the sexiest thing to me okay), the fur from his cheek rubs against Kremy’s scales of his neck. I think texture wise, it’s like autism heaven bruh. They’re each other’s stimboard. THAT’S THE DYNAMIC I LIKE MMM YUMMY. It just feels nice to be in each other’s presence, fur against scales, cool against warmth, thermodynamic equilibrium.
Have a Drabble meow ⬇️
————
There’s a tension in the air so thick he could’ve cut it with a knife, and the offer from Frost still rings in Kremy’s head. The lizardfolk almost felt dizzy even thinking about it.
“I can amend that”
Frost’s words repeated in his head, voice deeper than usual. It was such a vague offer but Kremy knew what laced those words, he saw the hunger in that tiger’s eyes. He might just take up his offer, the thrill of it made his spine shiver.
———-
Like imagine that, lien taht, that’s the flavor, the thrill in the anticipation of it! THEY’RE FREAKSSASA !!!!! FREAKSSSS
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cathalbravecog · 1 year
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QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
#my brain treats these things the same as it does spamton. almost. i want to see them dead i want to chew on them. i want to kiss them gentl#y and tuck them in bed and sign up adoption papers for them. i want to hit them with a baseball bat. i will take a bullet for them#yknow?#you get me.#again an experimental fun quick drawing#that i ended up ... popping off on. oops.#i have... 0 self control in art#fun fact originally this was gonna be a painting but i went hmm what if i do the thing#ive been doing with sketch lineart on paper but... digitally? angular and sketchy and sharper#aw yea#guz art#toontown corporate clash#low baller#also i had to post this on clashcord and bail instantly because the second i see angst for stuff i like that i havent made myself#i lowkey start breaking down oops#i dont do well with other fans of things that im not familiar with.... my brain works in mysterious ways !#i say this as my next drawing i plan is literally oc angst ... oops !#something i aint done in a while....i only ever do vent stuff i never post if anything. i try not to be like.... venty edgy like that it#just. aint for me. well i say while i ramble on and vent constantly. oops. but yknow what i mean - not let my art reflect that? be goofy#with the stuff i do? but like yeah either way. lore gettin angsty. have we gotten to the point in our lore / rp yet? no. is it kinda an#inescapeable point? yes. i loooooove making my characters suffer the consequences of their actions#WHY AM I TALKING SO ELABORATELY ABOUT THIS. THIS IS A LOW BALLER DRAWING.#BY TALOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BRAIN!! OH WELL if you like these. thanks for reading you are swag. you probably went thru#like. 5465465341564 thomas 'fights' now havent you#oh well gotta have a place to dump my thoughts somewhere!
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Comic for the OMORI fic: Swim Against the Tide
Heyo hi-o everyone, just a quick bit of warnings for this cause it’s not my usual bit of fanart. First off, major spoilers for OMORI and this is a pretty far off scene in @tsukithewolf​‘s fanfic so be sure to read that. Along with that, since it’s a nightmare, there’s blood, gore, and other unsettling things in this comic so view at your own discretion. With that said, please enjoy! 
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beanghostprincess · 7 months
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I am so so nice I am letting you see some stuff from the Fairytale Sanuso AU I'm writing (they're both girls btw)
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theangel-aziraphale · 10 months
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Hello, Aziraphale!
Out of curiosity, when you asked Crowley about becoming an angel again, did it not occur to you that he could have faced the same problems in Heaven that he had when he had first been an angel that eventually led to his Fall? How did you expect to make things different for him had he accepted your offer?
Well, keeping in mind, I was convinced I could change things for the better. Not helped by the Metatron's words or his meddling. He is a manipulative person and only wanted things to further his own goals of being with his family once more, in what he thinks is paradise.
Anyway.
I wanted things to be different. There would be a suggestion box. There would be room for error so that angels like Muriel weren't so nervous around the higher-ups. You can be silly and see the value in human love and feel horror at their suffering. Angels and humans aren't so different, really.
We can be vindictive as well. We can be hurtful and rude, and honestly, demons aren't much different. We're made of the same stuff, after all. Which means demons can be kind. They can do things for others, and it doesn't help them in any way.
Maybe they are not allowed to love, but they can damn well try to anyway
I wanted Crowley to be himself in Heaven. But... it was never going to work. I shouldn't have expected him to return to the place that hurt him in the first place.
And frankly, it's a wonder how I'm still here.
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jonsaslove · 8 months
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one day i know i’ll write jonsa for the last time but today i’m amazed that nearly five years after the show has ended i opened up 2 new google docs to begin some new stories
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wis121178 · 11 months
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I have a mini submas au in my head where after ingo's disappearance, they hired a new guy to essentially fill ingo's spot so the battle subway can keep running. Everyone low-key hates their guts for what they represent but they know they need them there.
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rose-tinted-vision · 8 months
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Rating: Mature (it's for the multiple mentions of death, just in case)
Relationships: Yang Ying/Yuan Lu, Yang Ying & Li Tongguang
Tags: Canon compliant, Post-canon, Spoilers, Could be read as platonic
Summary:
Yuanzhou-gege, Ruyi-jie, how are you? Have you found your way back to each other? Yang Ying would ask at night, alone in her too-big room when the loneliness creeps in, draping itself over her like a well worn cloak. She still makes sure to string bells at her windows, keeps her pearl birds well fed, sharpens the dagger that Ruyi-jie had given her every night.
Yang Ying, and trying to stay afloat.
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good-beans · 6 months
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Well, Milgramblrgram, you have spoken! This is what you wanted, wasn't it?
I've doled out my judgement on Nott, Kyanako, and Waivy! You can rest easy knowing that I took care of everything 😌 And I do believe there was something else that you all voted in favor of, hm...?
You are very welcome, Wardens! I look forward to continuing to be a team 🐺
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andromeda3116 · 1 year
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like, i'm aware of what the comics and whedon himself have said, but i believe that:
a) shepherd book is a former operative, and
b) the liquid in the vial inara prepared in the first episode was some kind of suicide medicine, that would kill her rather than allow her to be captured
these are just. objectively better story ideas, with better characterizations and better explanations, than what the actual "official" canon answers are.
#firefly#serenity#yes okay i started watching serenity after making that post#i needed an immediate scratch for that itch#but i just. how could any backstory food book be better than ''former operative who turned to shepherding the diaspora''?#the whole *point* of an operative is - as he tells mal - that he *truly* believes!#so book is a former operative who lost faith in the alliance but found it in the people!#he ended up on serenity because he wanted to find something to believe in!#and he did!#and as for the inara thing.......#i will happily (for The Angst reasons) accept that she has a terminal illness#but that whole thing about giving herself over to be raped is just.... yeah no. we're not doing that#not in this house.#it was going to kill her#end of story#these are objectively better story choices#also like. i will accept book's death as having in-story value#but wash's death was purely gratuitous and obnoxious#i guess i can see the justification of ''it was so wild we shouldn't have everybody be fine!'' but that is NOT the way to do it#it just does not work with the story at that point#if you'd felt the need to kill someone then simon getting shot by the reavers was right there#or you could have killed wash in the fight! that would have worked! and would have felt like it had stakes!#killing him right there and like that was just. ugh#bad writing choice.#*FOR book not food book jfc it took me ages to figure out what that typo was#like. i compare how whedon killed wash to how i killed longshot in my firefly au#killing longshot during the final battle carries weight! he went back to save sokka! bee's breakdown happens at a critical point bc of it!#it feels earned! it's a logical point for someone to die! he died saving the love of his life and a good friend and his best friend!#its weight pulls the end of the battle down into the darkness!#killing wash at the end of the flight but before the battle is jarring and awkward and not in a good way
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Instead of editing the fic I have finished so I can finally post it im really out here working on one of the first soukoku fics I started writing and haven't touched yet this year let alone for months before that.
My priorities are very real and good :D
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