#also.. this video came almost a year ago to the day... i can't believe it's been that long wtf lol

[jeongheart]

touch

summary: 'physical touch refers to expressing and receiving affection through touch, physical closeness, and other forms of physical connection'.

w.c: 1.4k.

tags: strangers to friends to lovers (kinda?), mutual pining, fluff.

a.n: i'm soft, this was inspired by that video of jeongin bumping into jisung lol. my first innie work aaa i'm so happy that i finished it, i'm so proud of this one too.

as always, english is not my first language so sorry in advance for any mistakes, leave your thoughts if you like! it means a lot.

Jeongin doesn't like to be touched.

He strongly believes that his personal space is sacred, and he can't understand the people who require physical contact 24/7.

It's no secret to anyone that he dislikes (physical) displays of affection, not that he doesn't have them with the people he loves, he prefers to let them know that he loves them with a special gift on their birthday or by buying them something that reminds him of that person.

He especially hates hugs. He feels trapped by the other person, and despite the fact that in the 22 years of his life he repeated it a thousand times, his family and friends don't seem to get the hint.

He doesn't want to be surly, really. It's something that has been like that since he can remember.

Jeongin doesn't like to be touched.

Except if that someone is you.

It's funny actually, you'd met casually, the way people met before: in real life. The first day of college was tough, everything and everyone was new and having to get used to a "grown-up" routine all of a sudden was something that took time.

He remembers the time exactly: 07:20 am. It was the first of the day, he was sitting in front of the class, he had a bad habit of being easily distracted, so he had to force himself to overcome his shame and desire to sleep to be in front of the blackboard.

The class started at 07:30, and the room was almost full. The professor arrived less than a minute ago and Jeongin was glad to be alone and in peace. His notebook lay open in front of him, the pages white and spotless.

Until you arrived, late.

You came running, it was obvious that you'd fallen asleep. Your hair was somewhat messy, probably due to the wind and the run you made through the building, your face was red (from embarrassment and exertion), but a smile was present on your face.

The professor looked at you funny and with a gesture of her hand she asked you to come in and take a seat somewhere free.

The only one was next to Jeongin.

Your eyes lit up at the sight of the empty chair, and even though you couldn't see it, Jeongin rolled his eyes as he saw you approaching the table.

With the woman summarizing her presentation, you arranged your things on the table (everything was in pastel colors, the blonde noticed) and you looked at him expectantly with that smile still on your face.

He could tell you were alone, actually, you were the only two who were. All your other classmates knew each other. So your attempt to start a conversation with him was logical, you also realized that he was alone.

"It looks like we'll be buddies" You smiled again and then told him your name while you extended your hand in an attempt to shake his, a very old gesture and not funny at all according to Jeongin.

He played dumb, but he told you his name. And then he said nothing more, watching out of the corner of his eye as you slowly lower your hand to rest it on your lap.

The weeks passed like this, you had a clear love language and unfortunately it was the one that Jeongin hated the most. You were always trying to touch him, not in a wicked or weird way, just friendly since that's how you showed affection. You were friends, but he couldn't tell you 'stop doing that' every time you reached out to touch his shoulder to get his attention.

You annoyed him every time you did that, but he couldn't deny that when you weren't getting clingy he appreciated your company. You were a comfortable presence in his life most of the time, and he liked not being alone in an unfamiliar environment where everyone greeted each other and ate together every day.

The first part of the academic year ended in the blink of an eye and the relationship between the two of you was only growing.

Jeongin didn't know when he let you touch his arm for the first time, he thinks it was in the library when you were studying for an exam.

He was nervous as he couldn't memorize anything and you, ever so nice, reached out your hand in an attempt to comfort him to rest it on Jeongin's left arm which was sprawled on top of the book he was trying to read.

Jeongin hadn't noticed that he hadn't tensed like the other times and he just kept reading and rereading the same sentences while the heat rose to your cheeks.

You didn't know what changed, but the fact that the boy who moved away every time you got at least 5 cm closer than normal had finally relaxed around you had butterflies flying in your stomach.

The months unfolded normal after that, and Jeongin would let you into his bubble of personal space more and more often.

He definitely hadn't realized how much he liked to feel your warm hands on his when he needed to calm down before a presentation or how his heart would jump in his chest when he saw you smile after you hugged him goodbye when he dropped you at your house after college.

"I like you a lot, Innie" You told him after the second exam.

Another final exam ended, and with it, the end of the year was drawing near. Jeongin was going to a vacation with his family in Busan and you definitely couldn't go weeks and weeks without seeing him, or his dimples or hearing his laugh and you would never forgive yourself if you didn't tell him everything that was on your mind every time you were together.

Jeongin looked like a statue, his mouth was opening and closing in an attempt to find the right words. His mind had short-circuited and it seemed that he had lost all ability to form a coherent sentence.

The snow was falling around the two of you, the heartless winter wrapped you from head to toe and as the minutes passed without an answer, your heart raced more and more and if Jeongin paid enough attention he could see how your eyes began to water as you overthought your sudden confession.

Maybe he didn't feel the same way, and you were making a fool of yourself. You began to prepare the speech of 'sorry, I shouldn't have said anything' to save your heart from the impending rejection and to be able to escape from that situation as quickly as possible.

Until Jeongin moved, he took two short steps until he was face to face to you. He was a head taller than you and your eyes searched his urgently, trying to decipher the answer he hadn't put into words.

The blond placed his big hands on your cheeks, reddened by the cold and now by shame, and caressed your skin with his thumbs.

You swore that if it wasn't for his soft grip on your face, you might have passed out from how fast your heart was beating, your legs felt like jelly, and the suspense felt eternal. You wanted to yell at him to answer or for him to do something, anything to finally stop your heart racing with feelings.

You opened your mouth to talk, but Jeongin closed the distance between you by placing his lips on yours.

You froze at first, arms still on either side of your body but then, as if awakened from a trance, you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to lose yourself in the heat of the kiss, everything around you felt cold except for this moment, the soft feeling of his plush lips on yours and the warmth spreading from the tip of your fingertoes to every strand of hair on your head.

He moved only a few inches from you, enough to be able to whisper over your lips "I like you too".

You laughed slowly, so softly that it almost felt like a whisper, so only he could hear it "Yes, I think I realized that" And tangling your hands behind his neck you brought him closer to you to kiss him again.

Jeongin doesn't like to be touched, but you were the only exception.

[average-submas-enthusiast]

My Experience with Wilbur Soot

So, the Wilbur Soot situation. This is mostly going to be me ranting abt the whole situation, so don't keep reading if you don't care.

I mostly just had to type this out and post it so I can vent and (hopefully) get over Wilbur Soot.

Wilbur supporters DNI

I've been a fan of Wilbur's for a long time, I believe the first time I watched him was in January 2021. Initially, I just knew him from Technoblade's (Rest in Power, king) videos, but after a while, he kinda grew into his own thing for me.

I wasn't huge into Dream Smp as it came out, as most of the time I couldn't tune in for personal reasons.

I started seriously watching it in September of 2021 if I remember correctly. It soon became a hyperfixation of mine. I knew basically every crumb of lore like the back of my hand, and I loved what Wilbur did for both the server and its stories. I still do, to an extent, as the Dream SMP is still really near and dear to my heart.

Then, Lovejoy’s Pebble Brain album came out. Previously, I had no idea Wilbur had started a band, so it was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. So when I tell you that that album had been my single favorite album of all time up until this point, you better believe it. I spent hours listening to the songs, over and over again, whether it was on a good day or a bad one, I always had a small comfort.

After about a year or so, I fell out of MCYT again. I still kept up with it occasionally, mostly just watching Tommy and Wilbur.

Frankly, before Tuesday, I hadn't even thought about Wilbur Soot since about 2 months ago. So, when all of a sudden, I saw he was trending on here, I was somewhat excited. I thought he had announced a new project or something. So, I clicked on the hashtag.

I am truly disgusted by Wilbur Soot's actions. To think, someone who I personally looked up to, did such horrendous actions is horrifying to me.

A part of me feels almost ashamed that I didn’t see it, that any signs in the past of Will being a bad person I swept under the rug, choosing to ignore it because “He was young'' or “He said he was sorry”. However, I have since realized that I COULDN’T know what was going on behind the scenes. I only saw his persona, the mask he put on when he streamed or was recording. TBH, this situation has really affected me, if me writing such a long post about the situation didn't tip you off already.

And worst of all was his "apology”. I first learned about this situation on Tuesday, about 3 hours before he made his public “apology”. When I read it, at first I was semi-satisfied, because he claimed he was/had gone to therapy and felt his previous actions were “slobish, disrespectful, and selfish”. I felt like he had downplayed his actions, but that overall he had felt bad and was seeking help.

Then, I realized a ton of things were wrong with it. Not only did he downplay his actions, he completely skipped over like 75% of it, he also JUST DIDN'T SAY SORRY. He somewhat vaguely apologized, if you turn your head and squint, but the words “I'm sorry” never appear in the text.

With all these things coming together, plus all the reactions by creators that have met him IRL/talked to him in private, I can't in good conscience support Wilbur Soot. Whether it be in music, youtube, twitch, whatever, I just can’t. I have removed all of both his and Lovejoy’s songs from my streaming playlists, and have pirated a small few that I’ve used as comfort music. I plan on eventually fully cutting him and his work out entirely, but I need a little time to adjust. I feel bad for not supporting Lovejoy, as there are other members than Will, but I feel it is the best course of action unless they fully remove him from both the band and the cash flow.

Hopefully reading through my experience has helped anybody else who has felt a familiar experience to me. I truly hope Wilbur gets the help he needs, he is a messed up individual, and needs psychological help.

Small note: Please, don't tell Wilbur to kill himself, while his actions were bad, that's not an excuse to tell somebody to end their own life. His actions were horrible, but verbally assaulting someone online is not a reasonable reaction to this situation.

Go support Shubble. She's very brave to talk about her experiences. Support SA victims. Go support both Tommy and Phil, Tommy has most likely been a victim of his manipulation and abuse and Phil is a close friend of his that most likely feels betrayed and hurt by his close friend’s actions.

I don't really have anything else to say, so bye everyone, stay safe and vigilant.

[boosmidnighthour]

Here's another little Total Drama drabble that I have no current uses for. I wrote a while ago when I was tired, so it's a little messy, but I think it's cute.

Working Title: Wayne the token straight

Fandom: Total Drama, Total Drama 2023

While hanging out, the topic of Wayne's sexuality comes up.

“Wow, Wayne really is the token straight,” Bowie chuckled to himself.

“Yep!” Wayne agreed, sounding almost proud of himself.

“Nah,” Raj argued, mashing the buttons on his DS. He looked up at Bowie from where he'd laid his head on his chest as the other teen hummed in curiosity.

“What, I never told you?”

“Told me what?”

“Yeah, told him what?” Wayne piped up again, looked over from where he had been playing on his XBox. He looked kind of confused.

“Oh, man! I can't believe it never came up!” Raj laughed to himself, before looking back at his game. “Remember in freshman year? That one guy, uh… tall guy, dark curly hair, green eyes?”

“... Uh…”

“Luke-”

“Oh- uh- yeah, no,” Wayne quickly tried to deny, despite his neck quickly going red. He turned back to his game, in a rush.

“Bro, come on! You did not talk about him for weeks, waxing poetic about his /beautiful emerald eyes/, keeping me up until the next day the one time, just to try and lie to your best friends,” Raj pouted dramatically.

“Is poetry another shared thing you two have?” Bowie hummed in amusement.

“Nah, Raj got the poetic skills, eh. I got basically nothing under my belt.” Then he sighed. “Rajie, you know that didn't end very well.”

“Well, that's because Luke ended up being the straight one. He was still nice, though! And he wanted to stay friends, so it didn't end that badly, eh?”

“I couldn't talk to him after that. Then he moved to another part of Canada.” Wayne cringed on himself, before shaking off the memories. “Anyway, that doesn't mean I'm not straight. My sexuality's still up for debate, eh.”

Raj scoffed a little, a playful smirk on his face.

“Oh, ya got somethin’ else to say, lover boy?” The dirty blonde smirked, a dare behind it.

“Nothing, nothing… I just have my theories,” Raj hummed nonchalantly, pretending to be suddenly uninterested in their line of discussion.

“Mhm, thought so.” Wayne turned back to his video game, seeming satisfied with that answer.

The room was silent for a few moments, aside from the sounds of the two's video games and Bowie texting someone. Then he put his phone down, looking like he had some questions.

“How'd this Luke guy come into the picture?”

Wayne groaned and planted his hands over his face, looking like he didn't really want to talk about it. So Raj took the lead for now.

“Luke was a football player at our school. A grade above us. But he also got into trouble a lot, so he was benched for a bunch of games. Still came to the practices, though.” He saved his game and turned his DS off to focus more on what they were talking about. “It was little things, like dying his hair, getting piercings anywhere but his earlobe, wearing clothes that the principal said were inappropriate, like cropped t-shirts and rings.”

“Sounds like someone I'd have plenty in common with,” Bowie commented teasingly.

“Yeah, you two might've become friends if you'd met him,” Raj agreed. “Anyway, Wayne thought he was the coolest, y'know? He'd go to every game just in case he played, but if he couldn't he would try to talk to him from the bleachers. Almost impossible. He would try to hang out with him after school, but he would leave before Wayne caught up. Wayne talked about feeling ghosted by the guy a few times, but he took it like a champ.”

“Well, I mean… Luke would get suspended sometimes, so I wouldn't make it sound like this happened everyday, eh?”

“Psh, it was just about,” Raj teased. “He was a jock, but the kind of jock that actually does the work to keep his grades up, not the one making the nerds do his homework for him. He was quiet, read a lot. When he spoke, Wayner listened to every word he said-”

“No I didn't-”

“You totally did, bro! Luke's voice carried. I swear, you were able to understand every word he said to his friends in the cafeteria, and our tables were at different ends!”

“He had a nice voice. Can't a guy appreciate that?” Wayne weakly defended.

“You were crushing hard, dude. Harder than you were on that one chick from middle school.”

“You already admitted to confessing to him, didn't you?” Bowie interrupted. Wayne's sigh was all the answer he needed. “I'm not gonna push you to figure it all out right now, but at least you acknowledge that you may or may not be straight. Though, maybe don't push that you're straight. If you're looking for a partner, that might send the wrong signals.”

[kingludoavarius]

https://archiveofourown.org/series/3916882

I can't believe in just a little over a year, I managed to slam down over a half million words into a series about two plucky, rambunctious, teenage anthropomorphic cartoon goat platforming game protagonists falling in love, one from a game that's been in development for years now and another that barely even has a story. It all started with a viral video that showed up on TikTok depicting this little pastel-colored goat running from a silly, murderous goat owl as he sang about the many different ways he could kill her.

It was so fun, so creative, so evocative of an era of Disney that had been long gone, and I wanted to look more into this game because the character designs and music intrigued me. This game was called Billie Bust Up. I started looking into the characters and their basic premises got me intrigued and I started writing, creating these stories that hearken to a bit of those Disney XD shows like Star vs the Forces of Evil and whatnot, stories where characters would form friendships and learn life lessons and stuff.

I started writing stories about Billie and Barnaby getting all sorts of character development and forming a beautiful friendship together. I gathered a few fans and made a few new friends. One friend I met was also into this little game I found on Steam for cheap called Corn Kidz 64, a finished, retro throwback game with a similar but wholly different protagonist, and a game that takes me all the way back to the '90s with its punky and wholly wacky nature.

One day, my friend came to me with advice on how to approach this girl he'd had a crush on for a while. He was scared and didn't know how to approach her, but I coached him. I told him all he needed to do was be honest and brave and be true, possibly be transparent about the anxiety he had in asking her because he had such strong feelings. Those two have been dating for over a year now and I couldn't be prouder that I helped that happen.

But it gave me an idea, one to take the protagonists of these games and write them into a similar situation. The story came together so naturally, and this little romantic comedy about two teenage goats romping through a dream and discovering their love for each other came to fruition. This was The Goat of My Dreams. I started developing both of these stories, tying them into my one-shots, and I wanted to use it as an opportunity to develop the characters from both of these games.

And so I developed arcs for the other characters, the bosses from Billie Bust Up, the game with, arguably, the more fleshed-out characters. And I came up with a development for Seve and Alexis, the characters from Corn Kidz 64. I used an old villain I created nearly 20 years ago, one whom I first used in a series on DeviantArt that had since been discontinued. It's been so wild, and so much fun writing all these characters and coming up with individual impressions and filling these characters with so much life and fun and strife and struggle. It's been a wild ride, and it's almost over. Only a little over 100k left and my series will be complete.

[cheste7]

Day 4 (20/11/23)🌟

MY BABY STAR CANDY!! IM SO PROUD OF HIM (also, his duality in the G. C. F. 😭😭 he wants me to go absolutely insane)

today it wasn't a good day, i can't believe i have these sudden mood swings so a day is all fun and games and the next one i literally cry myself to sleep. i don't know if it's just something PMS related because damn, it really hit hard this time. i woke up too early and my left knee (which was injured back in march) started to hurt so bad. then my rommates came back home and I got really nervous because we are four students in this house but it's always me who has to deal with bill issues, landlords and so on... i had to go to the bill office(?) alone (again) as if I don't have to study and other stuff to do. so i came home extremely tired and upset and I didn't go to my internship in pediatrics (optional not mandatory to be clear) i just wanted to sleep. the only things it seems i can control are my skincare routine and making the bed, clean my room, ... i just started studied two hours ago and im not satisfied obviously

BUT in this whole chaos MY SAVIOR JEON JUNGKOOK😔👊 i watched his concert during my lunch break and it was amazing, it made me shed tears and laugh and go feral im being honest here. he's extremely talented and he deserves the world i'm really happy he (and bangtan as well) entered into my life for nearly two years.💜

uni things

i studied four topics for the infectious diseases exam in december and with them i almost finished the nervous system part (i just have to revise meningitis which is the biggest part)🦠

semi-off topic, in my studies i often encounter the acronym RM (the italian version of MRI) and I immediately think of nam.... i can't believe this is who i am now😭

Language things:

i didn't really studied today because of my mood but I practiced a bit with duolingo (for the strike) and the renshuu app for new JAPANESE vocab 🇯🇵. i've also found some cute videos about conversation practice by tanaka san, i think i'll start watch them frequently

for KOREAN🇰🇷, jungkook's live performance doesn't count right? lol i've just wrote something in my tl journal and took notes of good and bad things happened today and I learned new vocab in this way

오늘의 나쁜 일들:

너무 일찍 일어났어

청구서 (bills) 문제가 있었어

내 룸메이트가 정말 시끄러웠어

아직도 무릎이 (knee) 아파요

매우 슬퍼서 많이 울었어

오늘의 좋은 일들:

정국의 신기한 (exciting) 콘서트를 봤어

여동생과 영상통화를 (videocall) 했어

건물에서 맛있는 감자 냄새를 맡았어 (it's weird i know but there was a smell of dishes based on potatoes in the building idk)

for CHINESE🇨🇳, i just revised old lessons and I found an interesting app Taoli chinese i think it will help me every now and then

[cooki3face]

Hii, first of all I'm obsessed with your readings and your whole blog ♥️

Secondly, I want to share what is happening to me that I can't figure out. This is gonna be so long because it never happened sth like that in my whole life, hope you don't get bored by it 🙈

So, there's this person I started following at half year ago and basically fell in love, at first I was just start-strucked by his looks, then I got to know him a little better not directly tho just by crumbs like he talking with his friends and me watching from afar or how he posted on SM and what he wrote talking about himself and I started feeling even more attached because of his personality, so my love for him went beyond looks and day by day was getting stronger to the point that this year in May I started getting videos about how to manifest in general and there's was a particular tarot reader (my first one) I was fascinated by and started following her yt and then TikTok. This tarot reader posted a collective reading (not about love but I think it was work related) few hours before which it resonated with me so I started looking for others tarot readings in the search section and I suddenly got one while scrolling down which said "this person with blue eyes and that likes rock music is obsessed with you" the gasp I left and literally stopped breathing I was shook because she literally described two important details about my person "blue eyes" and "he likes rock music" and she said other things I resonated with. That's how started my obsession with tarots. And here started coming synchronicities which that time I thought they were coincidences and since May of this year I keep getting synchronicities about this person I'm so in love with.

Another thing which is not less important is that since he came into my life I can't love anyone else like I used to have many crushes and fell easily howevere none of them were mutual and didn't receive any synchronicities about them, but this person.. wow I can't stop thinking about them since August of last year and since May of this year it got "worse" and I keep seeing signs about them since that Month but sometimes they confuse me and sometimes it's like they ant to prove me.

Can you figure out what's that, which I've never ever experienced in my whole life I've never felt so attached to someone even though I've never met them but I saw with my own eyes two signs from them in April which made me scream inside bec one was too explicit but I thought it was a coincidence ngl. Also I've never dated seriously so I still have my V-card even tho I'm almost 30 yo. Oh, and I also got my spiritual awakening in May, as if he triggered it but he has still to have it I think.

Sorry for the essay but you don't have to reply with another essay, don't worry and take your time. I appreciate it 💞💞

ps. sorry for my english

Baby, this sounds like limerance. You don’t know this personal in real life, you only what you’ve observed about him online, you’ve never met this person nor spoken to this person from what I can see and understand. But you’re infatuated and obsessed with this person, so much so that you believe that you’re receiving signs from him or the universe that he likes you back or that you’re meant to be together.

Things like this are difficult to deal with especially when you are a spiritual person, believe in the metaphysical or something of the sort. You have to ask yourself where at some point your spiritual beliefs are crossing a line for you. You have to ask yourself if what you’re experiencing is really the work of your spirit guides or divinely guided or a symptom of child hood ptsd or something like it.

Limerance usually it caused by early attachment trauma, I know what it is, I know what it feels like because I’ve been there before. Someone or something that really helped me open my eyes up to this concept and digest it so that I can heal and understand what I was going through and what was really going on with me is The Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube. She has a beautiful video on limerence and she shares a plethora of examples on it by using letters from people who’ve reached out to her to help understand their own relationships.

She has multiple videos on limerence and this topic, now this is not to say that magical thinking or spirituality or my practice or lifestyle isn’t real or isn’t worth confiding in terms of relationships and connections but I think you may easily stumble into this direction at times to help validate what it is you’re experiencing, thinking and feeling, I’m sorry if this isn’t what you were expecting and I hope this this is helpful for you to some extent or at least gives you a different perspective. ❤️

[wearytaco]

Visited by Papa Legba?

So I want to preface this with I am a white (trans) man, I do not practice any sect of voodoo and am aware of the sensitivity around voodoo with people of other cultures, etc. While I grew up Christian I am not any longer and never was associated with Catholicism, I have no particular spirituality but follow closer to New Age than any specific type. And I am confused. I also want to clarify when I say "see" and "hear" in the following text, I mean in my minds-eye, not with my physical eyes/ears.

So a few years back I was visited by a spirit I later googled to be Papa Legba based on colors and vague attributes like cane and hat and such. I don't recall if I was high, meditating, dreaming, or just in a trance state. It was literally years ago. When I learned it was Papa Legba, I got really confused and decided to file it away as a one off and didn't touch it again because I have heard that there is a lot of cultural sensitivity around other cultures engaging in voodoo (idk if that's wholeheartedly true, but I didn't see a need for me to be involved for something that seemed like a one time shenanigan).

Skip ahead to a few months ago and I moved to Botswana, Africa. I recall I was attempting to look into the original religion of the area before colonization and learned about Orishas and Yoruba. I never actually got around to reading the books I downloaded, which I will be rectifying soon.

Recently I saw a video (yeah just a TikTok) about Eshu. The video strangely caught my attention and I ended up actually watching like the whole 3 minutes lol. It was mentioned Eshu was connected with the Orishas/Yoruba. Which reminded me I still have yet to read those books.

Two days ago I had a (sober) trance like experience, which I haven't had in quite a while. First there was this spirit that came. She was speaking with me, she had long dreaded like hair with beads and shells, she was wearing a white dress which almost resembled a dress slip, and she didn't seem good nor evil just neutral maybe leaning chaotic but not a proper chaotic neutral vibe. She also told me she was Haitian, which I found really strange being in Botswana. I don't recall everything we spoke of, but she mentioned she is living in the house with me, calling it "our house". While I don't see her having any ill intentions to me, I do very much get the vibe that if there was something happening to me she would end that threat. I haven't felt her here before, but I also haven't exactly been paying attention to the spirit world lately due to other distractions that have recently left my life.

While speaking with her behind me I heard the name "Eshu" being repeated over and over and over again, getting louder, but never like aggressive. Just something I couldn't keep ignoring.

I turned to look behind me towards my room and when I turned back she was gone. Cliche, in my opinion...

So I went towards my room and then felt the strange urge to use some of my spit to write "Eshu" on the wall of my room. After I had a spirit I hadn't seen in years appeared in the doorway of my room. But when he was trying to speak to me it sounded like he was being drowned out by static. It was like when you are almost on the right radio station so you can hear the song, but you can't hear the lyrics only the static. I tried asking his name because I couldn't remember it as it had been years. At first I heard "Papa" and then after another 5 or so minutes I heard "Legba" (but I legitimately thought I made Legba up and didn't believe that is what I was hearing.) It was so hard to communicate with him and all I recalled was his connection to voodoo.

Strangely, when he disappeared behind me yet again, but not in a doorway, instead near my window, I felt a spirit that called themselves Eshu. I suddenly got really sleepy. Things were clearer, but I was basically told to go to sleep by the spirit and he would give me a message in my dreams. (I remember when I first woke up going, "oh. That was the message" but then I went back to sleep and I have absolutely no idea what I was dreaming of). Before I fell asleep I looked up "Papa Legba" and realized that was his name, and then.... I saw another name in Africa, I believe it said in Nigeria and other countries, he is called Eshu. I am both floored, and really confused. Especially since it felt like two different spirits?

And then last night I felt incredibly nauseous and that was hardly able to stand up right (I am on a medicine for a few weeks now and that unfortunately is a side effect). I got the same urge to write Eshu on the wall in spit, and again at the doorway Papa Legba appeared. But this time clear and not speaking through static. However, I was mostly bent over or on my knees for s lot of the conversation due to the horrid wave of nausea I was experiencing. He offered me a deal of sorts. He asked what I wanted more or less, like we kind of just had a conversation about things I have been wanting (such as confidence, spiritual connection, sexual liberation, things I just wish I could improve upon myself). And then he asked for spit and I was about to give it to him without any thought but then I realized that may be the "handshake" so to say. So I stopped and asked why. He basically confirmed it was an offering. I asked what he wants in return if he's offering to help me with these things. He didn't really have an answer. But he did say he wants me to tell someone something. And I told him I would likely forget what he asked of me (which I have forgotten what he told me to say as predicted lmfao). And a few hours go by and ... Well I know making deals is always risky business but let's just leave it at yeah I ended up making the deal and gave him spit (I just don't understand the spit thing?? I read he likes tobacco, alcohol, and candy??) but it never truly felt like a trick. I know from briefly reading he can be considered a trickster in some circles, and I'm absolutely sure he has his own agenda. But it never felt like he wants any harm to me. In fact it truly felt like the opposite. Maybe I'm just absolutely naive. Very possible. But... I can't explain it. Anyways, after he left the woman appeared again but this time she was behind the static. I know she was saying something but I couldn't hear her not really see her in my minds-eye, but physically I felt I was closer to actually seeing her for a first. I tried for a while but then I apologized and had to walk away from her and go to bed where I felt the sleepy urge and "there will be a message" feeling again. I am truly at a loss from this experience, and since I do not engage in voodoo nor know anyone who does I can't even come close to understanding this situation. And I don't want to enter a spirituality/religion that is culturally defined where I may not be welcomed, either. Honestly I don't have much interest in voodoo other than general curiousity but I have that for most religions and spiritualities. I really would like some guidance. Please?

[the-invisible-queer]

I feel like this is gonna make me sound both like a know-it-all nitpicking you and an insane weirdo who was way too invested in the relationship of two teenagers I don't know but. As someone who literally hyperfixated on both Nick and Miley for basically all of my formative years, and as a result just permanently has an encyclopedia's worth of useless information about their teenage selves stored in my brain even though both fixations died off years ago and I barely pay attention to either of them now, some parts of your post about them are simply killing me and I HAVE to correct and expand on it or I'll explode lol, I'm sorry it's nothing personal:

Kevin misspoke in the doc; the Hannah Montana episode wasn't when they met, they were already dating by then. They met at a charity event on June 11, 2006 according to Miley's book, with Nick also eventually calling June 11 their anniversary in Wedding Bells. IIRC Miley said in the book that Hannah Montana had only been airing for a few months when they met and the boys hadn't really done much of anything with Disney yet, which would definitely indicate emotions happening before any publicity did.

(There's also a very funny/interesting/wtf piece of lore re: this date from yearrrrrs later where Miley either mixed up the dates herself or tried to retcon her own life and gaslight everyone about public information by claiming on Twitter that June 11 was her anniversary with Liam, then deleted it, then announced her divorce very shortly after. That's not really directly related to anything we're discussing here but it was such a bizarre thing to watch happen in real time that it almost dragged me back into the fixation again as a grown ass adult, so I felt compelled to bring it up anyway lmao.)

A LOT of the og Niley Lore came from Miles to Go, where Miley dedicated an entire chapter to Nick (called "Prince Charming" in the book) and their relationship. I don't remember every detail anymore but she definitely said they clicked instantly, became boyfriend and girlfriend the day they met, and stayed up talking on the phone until like 4 a.m. that night, all of which backs up what Kevin said about love at first sight. She also explicitly said in the book that they truly loved each other and had a serious relationship despite how young they were.

A lotttttt of JB songs, especially but not exclusively the ones from the mid-to-late 2000s, are thought to be about Miley and some are very obvious if you know The Lore, but the only ones I know were ever explicitly confirmed besides the ones you mentioned are Sorry, Can't Have You and, of course, Before the Storm. The "hugs are overrated" part of SOS is sometimes thought to be a reference to the day they met, where according to Miley's book he tried to shake her hand and she told him she only did hugs, but I've always assumed that was probably just a coincidence since it seems like logistically it must have been written before they broke up and that would be a weirdly snarky line to write about your current girlfriend. Burnin' Up is also very very heavily thought to have been inspired by Miley, specifically by her look at the 2007 AMAs, which you can Google if you're interested enough; I do believe this one, which makes Selena's appearance in that specific music video much, much funnier.

Essentially all of Miley's earlier Miley songs (as opposed to Hannah ones) are also either confirmed or commonly thought to be about Nick. Also possibly of note is that some of Demi's early songs are also rumored to have a lot of Miley inspiration in them due to Nick co-writing them, which is simply amusing to me, especially considering the chances that at least one song probably ended up being partially about Nick's ex and partially about his brother. I never fixated on Demi or her music as hard as I did on these two though, so I no longer remember which specific songs were implicated here.

Nick confirmed Wedding Bells in his 'answering Google's most searched questions' video, where you could tell even he was thinking "who tf else did y'all think that one could have been about" lmao.

The messy little ping pong game Nick played between Miley and Selena for a while was definitely confirmed; I don't remember if any of them ever explicitly acknowledged it (outside of lyrics like "you love me, you like her" from 7 Things which...damn girl scalp him again), but to me and the other hyperfixated kids following along at the time, the dates alone made it obvious lol. He first got with Selena after the first time he and Miley broke up and then repeated that exact pattern at least two more times over the next few years, rarely being single for any significant length of time at all in between. Baby fuckboi behavior.

In conclusion, both of them have been pretty clear and consistent over the years that the emotions of it all came first and were very real, even if Disney may have capitalized on those emotions for publicity purposes. My specific examples are fuzzy since the fixations were dead by then but I know both of them have described the other as their first love and first heartbreak well into adulthood, including as recently as I think last year for Miley (where she revealed that the first time they broke up she asked if she could give him a hug goodbye and he said no, which is lowkey hilarious even though it makes baby Nick sound like a douche - although knowing his sensitive ass he was probably just afraid he'd start sobbing or something if she hugged him lol).

The only non-Niley piece of input I have to add is that in recent years Miley has definitely expressed negative and complicated emotions about starting her career so young, not in the sense that she didn't actually want it at the time but in the sense that like...children often want to do things that wouldn't be good for them or that they aren't capable of fully understanding the ramifications of, but that doesn't mean their parents should allow them to do those things or that they'll appreciate having been allowed to do those things when they look back as an adult. I don't know a ton about her feelings on it since again, I don't actively follow her anymore and only really see what comes across my feed, but it seems like it was definitely much more complicated than "her dad sold her to Disney Channel" or "she wasn't forced into it so it was fine." For the record I've often wondered if any of the Jonas boys have similar emotions about their young stardom, as most child stars seem to to some degree, but honestly feel like if they do we'll never ever hear about it; they just don't give me the vibe that they'd ever be comfortable talking about that publicly, especially if it involves any complex feelings towards their parents, who they seem to have much closer and healthier relationships with than Miley has with hers.

OKAY I'M DONE sorry that was a whole novel you didn't ask for but I literally have had all these stupid factoids about these two strangers just bouncing around in my head for like almost twenty years and almost never get the chance to put this wealth of knowledge to "use" anywhere, so on the rare occasions I can vomit all this up I kind of get carried away lmao whoops

BESTIE NEVER APOLOGIZE! Especially not when it comes to rambling about fixations. My blog is a safe space!

Though I wish you could add cuts in asks because RIP to everyone's dash I'll try to add tags so people with long posts blocked can ignore.

I'll be the first one to admit my fuck up with Jonas lore. Deadass don't remember anything Miley wrote in her book about Nick and I read Miles to Go twice but I have the memory of a twig.

I can't even remember what I was doing 5min ago - no joke.

Also my timeliness are SO fucking hazy - it's the trauma - because I'm learning shit I thought happened with JB in 2011 happened in 2009.

I am not the most reliable source.

Also I didn't care about Nick much back then. That's from when he was my least favorite (derogatory).

Thank you for illuminating us on the subject! I actually did learn a lot from that.

[starrypawz]

Tagged by @moonisthedoor

tagging if you want @kruk-art @mihqorio @impossible-rat-babies @myrkulyte @beholdme

𖦹°‧★ Favourite song(s): Oh man this is always a hard one I'll give you a few that seem to have had me in a chokehold for various reasons

Twin Skeletons Fall Out Boy (this one just came back and hit me like a truck a while ago as I was so obsessed with that song when the album came out)

The Funeral Yungblud (Just ough also Gerry coded af)

King Florence + the Machine (It's been over a year and it's still got me good)

Psychopomp Hozier (I think it's my song off the new album but also I haven't had the emotional strength to listen to the album again as i listened to it beginning to end and it wrecked me)

Don't Fear the Reaper Blue Oyster Cult (my forever number one, my ride or die, my rotten solider my good time boy the fact i got obsessed with this song at age 11 is probably a good sign i'd eventually become a goth yes i am aware it is not a goth song ok but the vibes ok it's THE VIBES)

Black Me Out Against Me! (This song came and kicked me in the face and I went thank you)

Big Bad Wolf In This Moment (How did I not know this band existed until recently I have no idea but it's so my vibe I'm almost mad about it I also want to steal all Maria Brinks makeup looks)

Flesh babychaos (can't describe what it is it, just vibes good and it legit made me get tingles)

𖦹°‧★ Favourite colour(s): black, grey, purple, silver, turquoise

𖦹°‧★ Currently Watching: (Go watch Emily she's a great youtuber to watch if you like casual chatty alternative subculture themed videos)

𖦹°‧★ Last Movie: In terms of cinema movies The Barbie Movie it was very good, I don't think I've actually really watched any movies on streaming lately

𖦹°‧★ Sweet, spicy or savory: Sweet tbh but also the best combo is sweet + savoury and you can fight me on that (salted caramel though)

𖦹°‧★ Relationship Status: single, and likely to stay that way and i'm good with it

𖦹°‧★ Current Obsession: fandom wise still mostly TMA, FHR and The Passenger, although apparently Eddie and Elio are coming to the surface again. and then apparently my brain has been going on a bit of a philosophical/spiritual kick currently you're all getting subjected to I guess it's what happens when you finally get medicated for adhd and your brain goes OH GOOD I CAN THINK THE BIG THOUGHTS NOW AND NOT GET DISTRACTED and the autistic part of my brain is like 'I have control now >:3'

Also after playing the demo a while back I'm like 👀 at what's wrong with sunny day jack (I can't believe i've essentially gone a bit googly eyed over a big buff clown man but also)

𖦹°‧★ Last thing I googled: killstar top with mask so i could show a friend a shirt i own

this is the shirt btw

[liarian]

Living in reverse (Part 4)

Like every Wednesday, Tome ate breakfast still in her pajamas, the TV in the background, while reading the news on her cell phone. Advantages of her shift at the museum not starting until twelve o'clock. There was something gratifying about being able to take mornings easy without having to suffer the stress of rush hour.

Without much interest, Tome slid her finger across the screen of her cell phone scrolling through headlines. Nothing interesting seemed to have happened that day. The days in Seasoning City had been tremendously dull since Mob had moved in right out of high school. Gone were the days of the Psycho Helmet cult or the sacred tree but also the utter destruction of his out-of-control powers. Reigen had never gotten around to telling her what had happened that day and asking Mob seemed like the perfect recipe for disaster. Maybe leaving was the best thing he could have done. The memories had to be painful for Mob but Tome missed the Telepathy club or the days Mob would visit them in the office. Those had been good times. Now it was strange if they all managed to get together once a year. With Saruta they still saw each other from time to time but she hadn't heard from the others for months. Even the LINE groups had died out over time.

Getting melancholic was never worth it. People came and went. The last she had heard, Takenaka had gotten married a few months ago. Tome was still staring blankly at her cell phone screen when Serizawa's name jumped out at her mid-read. Their almost daily conversations were usually filled with pictures of weird things they had seen during the day and cat videos, but it was rare for him to call. A feeling of apprehension cramped her stomach. Setting the mug down on the table, she picked up the phone. She just hoped they were okay.

Reigen and Serizawa had broken up.

Tome still couldn't quite believe it when her footsteps led her to the door of Spirits and Such. Knowing Reigen, he shouldn't have told anyone. After a couple of phone calls and calling in a few favors, Tome had managed to switch shifts. Serizawa hadn't even had to ask. She didn't need to hear the tone of his voice to know he was worried. And he wasn't the only one. Reigen was one of his favorite people but she knew him well enough to know that he was also a moron who cared about everyone but himself.

The blinds were still down, the office in gloom when Tome finally opened the door. For a moment, she thought no one was there.

"Tome? What are you doing here?" Reigen asked getting up with a start. Tome had to have caught him completely off guard judging by his disheveled appearance. "I thought you were working today."

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Tome sat down in the chair in front of the desk and rested her elbows on the wood. "Serizawa told me."

"What did he tell you?" Reigen nibbled on his big toenail, unable to focus his gaze anywhere.

"Just that, that you broke up."

"Ah! That." Reigen dropped back against the back of the chair, gaze lost in the ceiling. "Then that's final."

"You want to talk? You know I don't care-"

"I'm fine." Reigen interrupted her before she could finish the sentence. Sitting up properly again, the mask was perfectly in place, his business smile flawless and his grandiloquent gestures downplaying it. "Sooner or later it was bound to happen."

"And that's it, you're not going to try to fix it?" Tome could hardly believe what she was hearing. "I thought things were going well between you two. It was almost disgusting to see you together. I don't get it. It's not the first time you've had a fight and we're talking about you two, there's no way you can't work it out."

Tome had always dreamed of finding someone who understood her as well as Reigen and Serizawa understood each other. Their relationship had always made her a little envious when they often gave the impression that they didn't even need to open their mouths to know what the other needed. Reigen had always come first for Serizawa. The idea of them not being together was almost unthinkable. 

"What's the point, it wouldn't do any good." Reigen massaged the bridge of his nose. "No, when all that's happening is that he's tired of me. It would only be prolonging the agony."

"Are you listening to yourself, Serizawa still cares about you!"

"And you think I don't care? But he's the one who decided to break up. He's the one who's tired of my bullshit. What do you expect me to do?"

"I didn't know you were a coward." Tome mused.

Maybe she was being unfair, but she could not stand it any longer when Reigen got defeatist.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

096 of 2024

created by joybucket

1. When was the last time you went to church? Before I left to my vacation in Poland. I've started going to churches recently - not for holy masses, but just to find peace. I like how quiet churches are when there's no one there.

2. If you could trade hair with any one person, whose hair would you choose have, and why? No idea. This is such an interesting question, though.

3. How many pairs of pajama pants do you own that have animals on them? None.

4. If you own any pajamas with animals on them, what animals are they? N/A.

5. If you wanted to get a dog that looked like you, which breed of dog would you get, and why? Azawakh, hands down. They're long and narrow like me lol. They also have long limbs like me.

6. Do you have a hard time letting go of things? Very much so. I'm much more emotional than I show.

7. When was the last time you experienced a miracle, and what was it? In 2021, when I was brought back to life after massive brain haemorrhage and I came back to almost full mobility, just my hand is beyond repair.

8. When was the last time you colored in an adult coloring book? I don't think I ever did it.

9. How many cellphones have you owned in your lifetime? Like, 10? It's only an estimation :P

10. Name one celebrity who is the same age as you. Emma Watson for a woman, The Weeknd for man.

11. How old were you when you had your first crush? I don't know, 20 something? It wasn't fully romantic anyway.

12. Was your first crush on a male or female? Male. I pretty much have feelings only for guys.

13. Do you think you look better with long hair or short hair? I used to have long hair in the past and I liked it, now I have short hair, but I have no idea which ones I look better in.

14. Have you ever had to apply for disability? Yes, I got an official status in 2022.

15. ....and if so, what happened? I've become physically disabled after stroke.

16. What is your favorite board game? I don't know, I haven't played many of these.

17. Do you think you look better with curly or straight hair? I don't know, but I'm a guy, so maybe that's why.

18. What is one unpopular opinion you have? In metal music, breakdowns are way better than guitar solos.

19. What is your favorite photo editing app on your phone? Beauty Plus because it has cool filters, but I don't use it for selfies like it's meant to.

20. What is one video game you used to love to play but haven't played in years? 🎮 Super Mario Bros, this one from the 80s.

21. How many of your grandparents are alive currently? None.

22. What is one medication you will never take again, and why? 💊 Anti-inflammatory drugs because they might interact with my regular medication.

23. What is your favorite thing about your life right now? More time to travel.

24.....and what is your least favorite? Chronic illness.

25. In your opinion, what are three of the most disgusting foods ever? Liver, black pudding and raw cucumbers.

26. Do you believe in God? I can't say I believe, but I can't say I don't believe either. I'm rather questioning and looking for answers.

27. What are three emojis you use a lot? Green heart, blossom and laughing/crying emoji.

28. Do you keep your clothes in a dresser or a closet? I keep them wherever I have space, for real.

29. What is your least favorite household chore, and why? Wiping floors, I just hate it.

30. What is your favorite insect, and why? All butterflies, they're pretty.

31. What is your LEAST favorite insect, and why? Everything else. Just because I don't like insects.

32. Do you follow any sort of special diet, and if so, what? No, I don't. My eating habits are just messed up.

33. Have you ever had an eating disorder? Yes, I've been diagnosed with EDNOS many years ago. I don't think I will ever fully come out of it.

34. Do you consider yourself spiritual? No, I don't think so. I just think a lot.

35. Are you happy with your life right now? Why or why not? More happy than not, it seems easier to deal with things these days.

[reasonsichanged]

Q

Q for quiet.

I'm having so much trouble with processing J's death. The percentage gets smaller by the day, but I think that some miniscule part of me will always believe he's still alive and his family is just hiding him -- is ashamed of him. I'll always wonder what happened.

At first I cried over losing the warmth and sparkly, giddy feeling from feeling loved by him for good. It was always gone, but the memory felt truly lost now. The more that I sit with this feeling and look over the fragments of him left behind on the internet -- his Deviantart, his Tumblr -- the more I believe I just felt chosen by him. I loved him, but I forgot until maybe yesterday that there was a large part I did not like: "If we weren't dating, I'd probably hate him." The hateful messages he reblogged tainted how I felt about him then, and also how I felt about myself, but I couldn't give up my need for his praise. I thought I was weak because I couldn't stand up for myself and feel anger like that. I didn't like it, but I also compared myself to it and felt like I was in the worse position. I was meek.

That was J ten years ago. Was that the J who passed away? Probably not. I think he was deeply interested in his own story, and I was a part of that -- a lot of girls were part of that -- but I think he came to not be as angry... although livestreaming himself deleting all of the hateful messages was another kind of self-interested, just in a different direction. Not commenting hateful opinions to seem superior, but putting his old life on blast in comparison to his new one. Showing off "I've changed" to the world. He made his past the "moron" and the "f*ggot," not someone else.

A part of me also feels jealous in the smallest (and most confusing way) that even though I disliked being shown as the center of his life in videos and writing, it made me feel important even beyond the scope of our relationship. It showed me he remembered me when I so often don't feel remembered by anyone else. But reading his old Deviantart musings about Sophia made me feel that pang of jealousy that I felt when we were together; that someone else was the subject of his intense love at all, at any time period. I've wondered if she knows he's gone, and I wonder if she knows more than I do about the circumstances. J for jealousy.

I was only pivotal because his life was already crumbling and our breakup was the nail in the coffin -- maybe literally, I say as I feel a chill. I don't like thinking of him in the ground. I hope he isn't buried. I don't want him to be in the dark.

I felt so much like I was in a different time when I woke up these past few days. It was so intense that I almost didn't remember how I feel with C. The feelings are totally different: with J, feeling chosen and special, that each day was a gift that grew the longer he kept choosing me, every day, and feeling like I needed to measure up in creative output and insight and learning what I could say or do to captivate someone like him. Feeling like a one-person audience as he strutted his genius under the spotlight, clapping until my hands hurt and hoping he'd notice my sacrifice. Terrified to speak in my own voice, yet knowing the ways I could seem interesting and twisting that around through words: using a top-shelf word or sharing a journal entry from a vulnerable time. Making an "I think" or "I have a theory" statement he could take and add to, a subtle boost to his own ego while embedding myself in it, to where he can't think of anything without thinking of me, too.

Did I know what I was doing? I think I did. I've known since J and beyond what I can do to captivate the people I'm interested in -- at least through words. I can show eagerness with multiple texts, interest in their response to things I share that I also find interesting. I can convey that I value their opinion and stoke their egos. It's formulaic. It's romanticizing the person on the other end and hoping they're romanticizing me, too, while never getting to know the parts where I word-vomit or don't know what to say or don't get the joke.

But with C, I am accepted unconditionally. There's no fight to get attention. I don't feel the same intensity when I am chosen because I am always chosen. I don't have to tiptoe or figure out the right thing to say and get that incredible reward of figuring it out the first time, nor the incredible embarrassment of guessing wrong. There are fewer lowest-lows, so there are fewer highest-highs. It didn't feel like love at first, no love-drunkenness late at night in texts or the stomach-squirm of reading beautiful words that were conjured by a creative mind, but I'm wondering if that love -- that chase -- is really called something else. When you don't suffer for something, it doesn't feel as valuable once you get it, but I don't believe that affects its real, objective value.

I'll never be able to listen to Poles Apart again without throwing up.

Am I C's great love while J was mine? Maybe. It's probably okay that those two don't line up. I hope so. I said elsewhere in 2017 that I wasn’t sure whether I would “just know” or whether marriage would be something I fall into after years have passed, and maybe it’s the latter. It looks good on paper. But I also said that I didn’t think I could love anyone else the same, and so far, that’s been true. That’s been the thing that’s stayed — the intensity. There has to be a better word for it. Just being swallowed up in love; everything else is TV static. Only me and the words on the screen. I just don’t ever want to forget it, so I try to describe it in so many different ways. But after a while, there won’t be any more ways, or the ways I’ve already tried will have distorted it and turned into something other than the truth.

I think S was just J in my head, at least in the beginning. I was sleeping with JtE, mourning my relationship with J, and flirting with S because it felt so much like J still through the words and sexting, sharing loneliness. I didn’t see S as a real person. I couldn’t stop; I just wanted as much attention from as many different people as I could hold. It was new. I could captivate all three. I knew how to take the lonely and passed over and make them feel special so they needed me.

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore; just that everything in the future stemmed from J. I wonder if the ripples I’ve left have ever affected anyone the same way J affected me. I wonder if anyone has ever cried over me — cried because I was the one they treasured the approval of. The one who they tried to trick and captivate, too, and maybe I fell for it or maybe I didn’t.

Until another question appears.

[dylanobriengossip]

Dylan O'Brien's new problematic girlfriend Rachael Lange (2023) I Part 3

Part 1 I Part 2 I Part 4

Instagram

She also started following this account on Instagram this year until a while ago.

Looking at this account you're probably like what's bad about this one?

Well...

Here are just some examples from that guy's Instagram Stories. Yikes.

(still think that girl changed?)

What Rachael posted during that time when her boyfriend lost a family member

In June a couple days after Dylan lost his aunt. Rachael thought sharing a pic of herself wearing almost nothing on her IG Stories would be an awesome idea. How disrespectful can one person be??? Pretty sure she knew about his loss. Instead of being there for her boyfriend during that time, she did this. Good thing he didn't take her to LA with him to see his family if this is how she behaves during times like that. Idk about you but there are better times to post things like that.

Dylan's family

Aly (Jules's girlfriend) said this in the comments under one of her TikTok videos when everything came to light about Rachael at the beginning of the year:

Then all of them attended a wedding together. (see Part 4) Rachael started following both Jules & Aly and both of them follow her now too.

Aly also made a post about the wedding they attended. Some of the responses to comments under the post which were deleted:

Jules also shared a post including a picture of Rachael and a video of Rachael and Dylan. Someone also commented about it and guess what happened? The comment was deleted and the person was also blocked. No one knows why they're now following her and what they might have talked about with each other. So if you wanna bring up that topic under Jules posts just know your comment will be deleted and you will be blocked. It's just disappointing to see that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So yeah now you're caught up with everything that was exposed about her.

It's up to you if you still wanna support this girl....but just know there are better people out there to look up to than those who can't even prove they changed. Don't lower your values and what you believe in to support someone who goes against that just because they are dating your favorite actor.

And all of this is another reason why you can never be too careful about what you post online. Your digital footprint is real.

[stonewallsposts]

How "Normal" Am I? 

My youngest son came from Vegas over Christmas. On Christmas Eve, we stayed up till around midnight just talking about stuff. I mentioned that like most people, I tend to consider myself the 'average'. In other words, I think most of us tend to think we're a good median. We think we are reasonable, and that "most" people reasonable people would think like we do, therefore, we're the average.  

My son said he did not think that way. He realized some years ago that he did not think like so many other people. 

Which made me question my own stance on this: am I average?  

It seems to me that humans almost by default consider themselves the average, reasonable person. I'm talking here about our basic thoughts/views on life.... our approach to thinking about things. We all probably consider that we're above average in some ways, and we also probably recognize areas where we are outliers. But in general, we probably think of ourselves as the 'normal'.  

But again, I'm just thinking about this myself from my point of view, which I've considered the normal. 

I've recognized this assumption in many arguments I've made. I've tried to state it in the arguments so that those who disagree will know I'm not basing my hypothesis on some rigorous test results, I'm just listening to people and commenting based on my own standpoint. I recognize that I may be wrong. Maybe my viewpoint isn't average at all. 

In point of fact, my son and I were discussing the same topic I recently posted on: a video I watched of an interview with several women over what they wanted in life. I come at relationships from my own standpoint, what I've experienced.

I'll have to give an example tangentially related to that video, in the area of men/women relationships. From a Biblical perspective, men are given leadership over the home. But that apparently means wildly different things to different people. I grew up in a home with two parents that loved and respected each other. My father led, but in a supremely respectful and reasonable way. To this day, I can't think of an area where my father did something egregiously wrong and my mom adored him. 

I've not been so great, but I've always tried to treat my wife with respect and love. In fact, while I accept the responsibility of the leadership, I will always take my wife's thoughts and desires into consideration. As much as possible, I'm going to sacrifice myself to give her what she wants. In fact, THAT is what leadership, in a Christian sense, looks like: Jesus humbled himself and came to serve. If you want to lead, you must be the servant.  

But while that's my experience, I know there are others that think of leadership in the worldly sense, even in the church. Jesus told the disciples that the leaders of this world lord over their people and flaunt their authority, but we believers aren't supposed to be like that. Yet, human nature is still there and too many of us, when given a position of leadership, think of how we can use it for our advantage rather than thinking of our responsibility. And that's what leadership is: leadership entails responsibility TO other people, not benefits FROM those that follow. Yet still too many men think it's their divine right to be served. From a Christian perspective, that's backward, but I know it happens.  

Where I get screwed up is... I don't know HOW much it happens. Since I don't think that way, I tend to think that 'most' other men don't either... because I consider my way of thinking to be the normal. But maybe I'm just wrong in that. 

One thing I know is that we each have our own experiences to go by. Someone who is exposed to great relationships, as I was, will tend to see lots of positives in relationships. Someone who was exposed to abusive relationships will have a whole other take on relationships. All we have is our own experiences. As I mentioned earlier, I tend to think myself average. But again, as my son mentioned, perhaps I'm not the normal. 

[gabbie-hanna]

one of the greatest vlog squad moments

[buttercream-squad-imagines]

Tinder in Real Life

Pairings: Harry Lewis x fem!Reader, Sidemen x platonic!Reader Word Count: 2k Warnings: Language some people may find offensive, sexual themes, recycled lines from Sidemen Tinder in Real Life because I'm not at all creative Request: Hey! Could you do reader x Harry imagine where the sidemen do a collab video with the reader who is also a big youtuber and Harrys celebrity crush. And during the video the reader is very flirty, leaving Harry a flustered mess when the flirting is directed towards him, but very jealous when its with any other sidemen.

The Sidemen were one of the biggest groups on YouTube and one that you were very familiar with. At the age of 23, you were a fair bit younger than some of its oldest members but yet you had a close relationship with JJ, whom you had met through YouTube.

You had started your channel when you were 17, just under four years ago, making makeup videos, which was a passion of yours when you were younger. Not that you were any good at it back then. Those videos quickly become unlisted when your channel started blowing up in late 2016, now nearing 20 million at the present time.

It wasn't long before you expanded your horizons and had started making different sorts of videos, including vlogs of your everyday life - which wasn't and still isn't that exciting in your opinion - and those where you just had a laugh, attempting to do stupid challenges that were so popular back then. It was those, however, that grew your channel. Your fans seemed to love them and so you gradually started to make more.

As your small channel began to grow significantly, it caught the attention of KSI, a member of the Sidemen, who reached out to you to for a collab. You were ecstatic. You couldn't believe it at the time, why would someone like KSI with 20 million subscribers want to collaborate with you? By that time, you couldn't exactly call yourself a small channel anymore, with almost 5 million subscribers but it still didn't make any sense to you.

You and JJ quickly bonded after filming together. You had a very similar sense of humour and interests. As the years went, the older boy became one of your best friends, the nature of your relationship being very teasing and flirtatious but the both of you knew it was a joke. It was just the way you both were.

Though despite having known him for nearing 3 years now, you had never met the rest of the Sidemen, with the exception of Simon, as he lived with JJ. Which is why when he texted asking you to collaborate with the Sidemen, you couldn't turn the offer down. You were a fan of the group and the content they were producing. You thought the videos that they made were exceptional, that they were pushing the envelope of the standard of content on YouTube and often found yourself excited for new videos.

He had explained that they were filming another of their 'Tinder in real life' but a YouTuber version with the likes of BambinoBecky and ChiWithAC. You were so excited. You were finally going to meet the rest of JJ's friends and you had the opportunity to be a part of a Sidemen Sunday.

You arrived at the studio the boys were filming at in the afternoon, finding and greeting JJ before he introduced you to the other sidemen in addition to Lux, Freezy and Stephen.

"And you've already met Simon." He finished.

"Yeah. Nice to finally meet you all. JJ tells me a lot about you guys." You laughed.

"Because that's assuring." Ethan pointed out with a chuckle, the other boys letting out agreements.

"Not all bad, I promise." You teased, winking at him. Ethan felt the blood rushing to his face, immediately becoming flustered and stumbling over his words. You found that you often had that effect on people as you could be very direct and flirtatious even when you didn't mean it. To you it was just friendly banter.

"Geez Y/N, stop flirting with people you met literally five minutes ago." JJ rolled his eyes.

"You sound a bit jealous, Jide." You smirked, a teasing grin spread across your face.

"Nah, allow it." There were eruptions of laughter around the room, coming from the boys. You were quick to notice Harry standing out of the way and was significantly quieter than the others, with what seemed to be a forced smile on his face.

Harry was in his own head, barely paying attention to what was going on around him. When JJ had told him that you were going to be in the next Sidemen video, he panicked. You were an accomplished YouTuber who he was quite fond of to say the least. Well, that would be an understatement, he had a fairly large crush on you. A crush that no one but Freezy and Lux knew about.

He knew that JJ had been friends with you for some time now but never considered the possibility of even meeting you. His anxiety acted as a barrier to even the thought of it. But he was currently in the same room as you and had said nothing more than a short 'hello'. He longed to have the confidence Ethan had to speak to you, even more so for you to look at him the way you were.

Already you were flirting with JJ and Ethan, something that caused a pit to form at the bottom of his stomach. He wouldn't admit it, but he could slowly feel the jealousy forming. Not that he had anything to be jealous about in the first place!

You continued to speak with the boys as you got your mic set up, telling them stories you were sure would embarrass JJ.

"Y/N, stop." The older boy whined. He could be like a child sometimes, but it was one of his more endearing qualities. He simply wouldn't be JJ if he wasn't.

"No, carry on." Simon laughed.

"Oh, don't worry, there's plenty more where that came from." You teased.

"I think it's time we started, don't you think?" Harry grumbled.

"Right." You smiled at the boy, who's cheeks became tinted red. He ducked to hide his face and walked around to stand in the line, hiding himself in the middle.

"Hi, I'm Y/N, I'm 23 and I'm from Y/H/T." You spoke to the camera once you were given the go ahead.

"I'm Simon, I'm 28. I like to practice safe sex."

"Always a good start."

"I could tie you to the bed, so you don't fall off." He finished with a giggle. You acted like you were pondering it for a moment before letting out a laugh and swiping right.

"I'm down for that." You teased. The boys all let out rumbles of laughter

"Hi, I'm Ethan, I'm 26 and kiss me if I'm wrong, but you're gonna swipe right."

"What would you rather?" You joked. Ethan shrugged his shoulders and walked closer to the board, sticking his head through with his lips puckered, eliciting a cry of protest from Harry that this wasn't allowed. You laughed and made an over exaggerated motion to swipe to the right, causing him to pout playfully but walked over to the right anyway.

"Hi, I'm Josh, I'm 28. KSI has a top ten single, but you're the only hot single I can see."

"Wow, that was smooth!" You said with a grin. "Definite yes from me."

"I'm Callum, I'm 26. Are you into fitness?" Freezy asked.

"Can't say I am." You replied, unsure of what turn this could take.

"How about you fitness dick in your mouth?"

"I wouldn't get too excited babes, I gag on my toothbrush." You laughed. "We could try though."

You swiped right on him, chuckling as you watched him let out a yes before joining Simon, Ethan, and Josh. You frowned slightly, a crease forming between your brows as you saw Harry whisper something furiously at his friend but ultimately got distracted by Vik stepping up to go next.

"I'm Vik, I'm 25. My ex-girlfriend always said I'd never do better than her, wanna prove her right?" You could hear the cries of the boys in the background, some scolding him, others laughing.

"Man actually said prove her right. Not wrong." JJ shrieked with a shocked look on his face, holding his head with his hands.

"You need to find someone for that." You snarked, swiping left on the boy, who shrugged and walked off.

"Damn! You got told!" Lux cackled.

"Uh hi. I'm Harry. I'm uh 25, no I'm not I'm 24." He stumbled. "Are you sure you're a muggle? Because that ass is magical."

"You should see how magical it can be." You spoke before cringing at yourself and laughing, swiping right to avoid a reply. The boy's face grew a bright shade of red, closely resembling the colour of a tomato.

"Geez, is that an offer?!" Freezy yelled from the right side. You laughed, observing how Harry whispered furiously to the boy to stop and winked at him once he had could see. Your laughter only increased as you watched JJ step up.

"I'm JJ. I'm 28 and are you a raisin? Cause you're raising my dick." The boy in question stood in front of you so confidently, hands clasped together in front of him so seriously that you just lost it. By the time you composed yourself, there were tears almost falling from your eyes.

"A* for effort." You laughed, swiping right eliciting a cry of success.

You had wrapped up filming your segment of the video, which conveniently was the last of the day. You found JJ who you spoke to whilst the other boys were otherwise occupied talking to each other.

"Cheers for coming, Y/N/N. You've been great."

"Anything for you." You joked.

"Don't tempt me." He laughed. You could feel eyes on you, eyes that were burning into your side. You turned your head to see Harry staring you and JJ down before looking away after being caught in the act, and suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

"Does Harry not like me or something?" You whispered to JJ, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden.

"Not that I know of." He frowned looking at the younger boy. "He can be a bit awkward at times and gets flustered a lot."

"Right." You agreed. You excused yourself before sauntering up to the boy in question, calling his name to snap him out of the daze he appeared to be in.

"Oh, um hey Y/N." He stumbled.

"Hi." You smiled gently. "I uh, I was just wondering, do you... have I done something to offend you?"

"Offend me? Why, uh, why would you think that?" He rambled.

"It's just... it's nothing, it's probably just me overthinking things." You waved it off, feeling like a complete idiot.

"I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I don't like you. I don't not like you, in fact I really like you! Oh, um I mean I like you, you're very pretty." The boy couldn't stop rambling which made you laugh. "No, wait."

"You think I'm pretty?" You blushed interrupting him. Harry felt his mouth go dry, not being able to get anything coherent to come out. "Well, Harry, I really like you too."

"What?" His eyebrows shot up so far it was almost comical. "Really? So, you don't like the other guys?"

"What? No." You laughed. "That's absurd. Why would you think that?"

"You seemed very..." The boy trailed off, not wanting to offend you after you had admitted to liking him.

"Flirty?" You finished, causing him to nod. "I'm like that with everyone, I don't mean to be half the time."

"Oh."

"Well, how about you give me your phone number and when you finally grow a pair, you can ask me out?" Your confidence levels had shot up spontaneously.

"Uh, sure." His cheeks had become a dark shade of red as he passed his phone to you so you could put your number in. You kept looking up at him as you typed, putting your name under 'Y/N x' in his contacts before handing it back to him.

"Y/N! Come on! We're going to Nando's!" JJ called from the other side of the room.

"Call me." You winked. Your bottom lip was caught between your teeth and was currently the only thing from stopping the wide grin from spreading across your face. A grin that hadn't disappeared from your face for the rest of the day, much to the curiosity of JJ, who was disappointed when you refused to tell him why, or more appropriately who, had put the smile on your face.