#am open to advice if youve got it

[orlamccools]

vent post under the cut- if youve got advice id love to hear it

so. ive been talking to this guy for a long ass while, you can scroll thru the last tag on this post to see what its all about, but long story short is this: i asked him out two saturdays agoto my friends going away party (which was held this past friday). hes met this friend once before, and we planned to meet at her place and then maybe go out to the bars after

entire week he is super into it, texts me more often than normal, creates a spotify blend for the two of us (w that feature that lets you combine your tastes into a single playlist) like im getting VIBES. and he asks abt our plans!!!! we make a solid schedule!!!

night of the party he texts me at 8:45 checking in to see if its all happening and i say yeah. i get home from work, change, then get to my friends house and text him that im here. he doesnt respond for an hour and finally says something abt how he has to charge his phone before coming out. im like ok man whatever i just want to hang so do what you gotta do. another half hour passes and then he hits me with the "hey idk if im gonna make it out". im disappointed by this, so i respond with like a "damn that kinda sucks :/" message. at this point i expect him to stop messaging me, but then he texts me quite literally for the rest of the night. like he literally doesnt stop until i text him that im walking home.

saturday i see him in person for a short period when he does the close out but another driver fucking also comes to sweep the store and just. will not stop talking to the dude in question. he like tries to get away twice but between customers and this other guy we dont talk like at all. after the other driver leaves and the store is closed he comes back in to use the bathroom and like stands by the door for a moment so i like look over but all he does is smile and wave then leave.

SATURDAY NIGHT. he texts me at like 8 responding to a text i had sent the previous night asking if im going out again tonight. i said yeah (bc a separate friend had a party) and he was like bet lemme know where youre at i might stop by and see you. i send him the address of the restaurant and proceed to hang w my friends until midnight. hes again texting me all night abt getting ready to head out but when we finally leave he hits me with the "finally leaving now where should i meet you". at this point i am exhausted, as ive just finished my first week of classes, had drunk heavily over the past 48 hours, and had worked a 13 hr workday that day. i text him and say im like too tired im going home and hes like damn :////

yesterday night. i do an eras movie night w my friends and i send a picture of the opening sequence to the ppl i have snapchat streaks with. he snaps me the rest of the night and is like "ohhhh you should have invited me" and stuff like that and its like. i didnt invite you for a multitude of reasons but like you ditched plans once this weekend and kept pushing back the other time i tried to invite you out, so why do you think i would ask you a third time???????

and now im just confused bc like. he seemed sooooooooo into it all week and then as soon as it was time for things to happen he just didnt show and kept stringing me along. im also lowkey pissed bc i wanted to hang with him and i was SO anxious abt asking him out (like i literally threw up twice friday morning bc i was so anxious abt how the day was gonna go). im just frustrated and like i had thought he had gotten the vibe that i was into him romantically bc it sure as shit seemed like he was reciprocating, and now im not even sure what to do anymore.

[supergigabigboybabechad]

idk if i interpret your posts right but it seems like you do matchups for twisted wonderland? May I get one?

Im female and go by she/her. Im an ENTP, my zodiac is gemini and I’m about 165cm tall. I’m pretty energetic and always smile since hard feelings like grief, anger or sadness are really overwhelming for me since I am pretty „sensitive“ meaning I take most things to heart easily. I always give advice and help to others and I try to be the best version of myself to make them feel comfortable. I make lots of bad jokes while knowing they are bad. I get lots of compliments for my Singing voice and writing. I also love love love to Infodump like i can talk for hours about something or someone I like. I love wearing pink things with ruffles or lace and I’d say I’m pretty girly over all. I try to act tough and always give everything to make others happy. Im a Great cook and a hopeless romantic. I also have a 8 step skincare routine… I see beauty and worth in everything and love to help people build confidence and self-love. My favorite artist is currently Mitski, since I really relate to her music. I have some father problems going on which make me want to be cared for, but at the same time I have mother problems since my mother was emotionally absent after my dad left, which makes me want to care for people. 🫂

Hope our have a good day or night and Drink enough!<3

Hi! Thank you for being so conscious of me and im so flattered you liked my last matchup enough to ask for one yourself but i love people telling me about themselves so your ask was a happy suprise and really made my day! I didnt expect to get that much attention but hey! If anyone else wants a matchup from me youre more than welcome to send info in! The more the better! Extra little jazz: if you want to send up info the way you would for a matchup and get hcs for a specific char youve got it! Also, if you want your info priv you can lemme know in your ask and ill tag you or you can go by an anon title(ex: leaf anon/ 🍃 anon)and ill mention ur title in the post, if you do this I wont post ur anonymous ask Like last time we have options in order from less to most compatible imo🔥

4. Jack Howl

Upon first meeting you, jack would claim to not care for you

But the thing is, deep down he doesn’t want your feelings getting hurt at nrc, the boys there can be real mean for no reason

He’s also worried about people taking advantage of your kindness

His words and actions conflict as he insists on walking with you everywhere “to be a man” or so he claims

He’d probably scold you about how you’re never putting yourself first leading to you telling him about your want to help others be their best selves

This would get him thinking, he thought you were weak for “letting people walk all over you” but really it’s just selflessness

He’s into the idea of self betterment so he gives you an enthusiastic speech about how you’re doing good work

After that day he sees you in a new light, the definitions of resilience and strength to him have taken on new meaning

He’s always looking to improve, he’d take your advice to heart and trusts you most with his emotional problems

Hes gotta open up to somebody, the tough guy act can’t be a forever thing, you’re clearly the best person for the job

Hes pretty mature so he won’t say anything mean to you even as a joke

He wont let others do that to you either, you wont have to tell him if something bothers you, hes protective so more times than not he’ll defend you

Hes still too macho to let you know just how much he cares but it slips out in his actions

When he can see your upset(Ace was probably mean to you) he’ll insist on walking you back to your dorm after in other words, telling ace to shut up

Hell softly squeeze your hand on the way back and make a comment about what happened earlier off handedly

Say ace was bein birtchy ab the way you dress, before leaving you to enter ramshackle he’d say “I think pink is nice for you” while awkwardly looking away

Jack wouldn’t know how to respond in the moment of receiving affections while you’re taking care of him but his tail will wag so you’ll know he’s enjoying it and he definitely wont protest.

Jack would care for you too in the more traditional masculine way of walking you to class and escorting you here and there

He’d show you the affection you desire but be verbally round aboit with it.

Holding out his jacket to you, he’d insist you take it, not in a very romantic way.. but still, he’s so easy to read you can tell how shy he was

3.Trey Clover

Trey would love your look!!

You would remind him of a cake

In fact, hed make a cake to match you as a suprise

Most likely as a gift for helping out ace and deuce despots what a pain they can be

He really appreciates how kind you can be and your willingness to help others

It really takes a load off his shoulders with the first years coming to you every now and then, he knows how much work they can be so a cake is the least he can do

Knowing your living situation in ramshackle and with Crowley’s LIMITED allowance hed take care of you subtly

Inviting you to join heartslabyul for tea and having you over to help with schoolwork

Hes be more forthright from time to time making you lunch and bringing you food

During tea times and unbirthday parties hed always invite you to sit next to him

He’d use that time to talk to you about how you’re doing, he notices how you’re always caring for others he needs to make sure you’re being looked after as well

During this time you might get into infodumping

He finds the way you get cute and would ask questions just to see you passionate

If you cook for him he’d love it! In fact, upon telling him that you cook he’d start inviting you over to help him out or offer to come help you out(he knows you’ve got enough in your plate) as an excuse to have some alone time together

Hes Great at comforting people so if something someone says hurts you you’ll have him to lean on

That being said he’s also an upperclassman and well respected

If he catches you hurt by what someone says he’ll wrap his arm around your waist to reassure you and ask the person what’s wrong and how he can resolve the issue

Trey gives dad jokes vibes he’d find your jokes endearing

From time to time hed I’m sure he’d even genuinely find them funny

Trey isnt used to being cared for the way you take care of him

Hes usually on the giving end but hardly ever the receiving, its special to him and he remembers each moment and is truly great full for it

Hed return the favor and care for you more, hes a good boyfriend so he’s always making sure to give what he gets

He loves when you help him take a break, the way you encourage him to take care of himself as well as remind him of how he matters reminds him of how lucky he was to have landed someone so caring

2. Rook Hunt

BEAUTÉ 100 POINTS

He finds you so cute! Your beauty is so different from Vil’s or Neige’s

You’re like a lone tulip adorned with dew in the morning shining brighter than the rest of the dull leaves

Hes Tell you that in more words and write you poems, be ready to receive many odes to your beauty

He’d love to hear you sing you have his full attention

In fact hed write poems and sonnets for you to read too

Your singing is so lovely, you must have a beautiful voice! He’d listen to you talk for HOURS just listening to your voice and taking in how beautiful you are while you speak

He loves the your stop and smell the roses attitude, he finds that it adds to your beauty

Your beautiful way of thinking adds to the depth of your beauty

Hell have fun looking within your kind spirit and discovering new beautiful things about you

He loves your ability to cook, he’d love to have you pack him something while he goes out hunting

Rook is a very passionate man and very knowledgable, you’d both end up info dumping on each other too, you’d say a lot of random stuff to each other that and neither of you would even be phased

The hopeless romantic part of you will definitely love being with rook

He’s writing you love letters, giving you flowers. His confession was likely intimate and private but also grand, a beauty for your eyes only

Rook also has a keen eye for beauty. He’d take you to see his favorite sights and sing to you of the beauty before him

He’d also take you hunting!

He understands if you’re not too keen on the actual hunting part. You can both hunt beauty with your eyes

Rook is good natured at heart though it’s hard to see with what he says

When he speaks it may come off as an insult but truly he just sees the beauty in your flaws and can’t help but comment on it

I Hope his positive tone comes through but hell definitely notice if it hurts you

“Mon amour! I meant it in the highest complements! You’re beauty but transgresses perfection and seeps into the cracks filling your beautiful form! Mais je suis désolé ma chérie.. I will refrain if it is what will make you smile most.”

Room would love to help you with your skin care routine! I know that sounds weird.. kinda because it is?

If you’d let him.. he’d wash your face for you, apply serum essence, your entire routine

He’s beaming the whole time like a giddy child but he’s also treating you delicately like he’s washing a porcelain doll.

He’s very Open to receiving affection and having you care for him. You wouldn’t have to question whether or not he appreciates it, it’s written all over him! .. and he’ll tell you how thankful he is

Room would follow you around like he worships the ground you walk on. You just keep on surprising him with the depth of your beauty, he can’t get enough!

1. Jade Leech

Princess and her capable butler vibes❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Jade would keep an eye on you out of pure curiosity at first.

You’d seldom find someone so willing to help others out of the goodness of their hearts like you would, especially at NRC

He follows you around finding your “obliviousness” entertaining. The way you cant See the danger you’re clearly putting yourself in

With all the aggressive students things can get ugly but before any of that would have happened, Jade would be stepping in to make sure things didn’t escalate (after he’s had his fill on entertainment)

You would thank him for his help and he’d inquire about your helping and positive attitude

“You do know that they’d just trying to take advantage of you right? Dont you? Why do you insist on helping them?”

After telling him about trying to bring out the best in others and only wanting to help them love themselves, Jade is even more dumbfounded

He finds it cute, from your character to your cute clothes, you truly are unique…

With Jade around people would know better than to hurt your feelings and if they were dumb enough to try to intentionally… well, you wouldn’t see it but Jade would handle it

Jade would love your singing and would love for you to sing for him on your dates

Are you an outdoorsy person? Because for dates he’d bring you out on hikes to show you all the beauty, from the scenery and landscape to the smallest dainty flowers

You wouldn’t have to worry about packing or holding your own bag Jade would hold it for you. Worried you might fall? Hell catch you don’t even worry there’s no way you’d even get a scratch when you’re with him.

While on your hike you might point out some things you like, flowers, trees anything really.

Hed make mental note of it and make a terrarium for you with what you found beautiful together

Hed decorate the outside too to make sure it was up to your standards. Pearls, lace, pink bows, it so cute!

Jade would dote on you too, not too much in gifts, you get them here and there but Jade is definitely a quality time/acts of service guy.

He’d sit down and just listen to you talk, talk about whatever! Info dumping, your day, especially your day, he wants to know where you are

You do so much for people, helping them build their self love but who’s doing that for you? Jade will.

He’d constantly tell you about how nice you look and what a nice thing you did, making sure to never overlook your achievements and congratulate you on each one.

He’d make you tea or some water to make sure you’re hydrated and something to eat while you talk to make sure you have enough energy

Then it’ll just be the two of you, talking and showing how much you love each other as well as making sure you both love yourselves

[duskier]

I am so so so enamored with Clara (also, this will be my last ask for the night since I don't wanna clog your inbox lol). What's Clara's general personality? Her likes and dislikes? My apologies if youve answered these already, i can go back to read if you did. Also...would it be okay if I wrote for Clara and the 141 at some point in the future? It's totally cool if not!!!!

This shall be my last Clara yap for the night just bc I feel so bad spamming everyone about her asl;kdfj but no you are literally making my night with all the asks!! <3

Clara in my head is generally very shy and reserved, really in her head a lot of the time. She's got a big imagination and a lot more to say than she actually says aloud! (Has a good joke once in a while that just. Floors everyone so much that she spoke that they might forget to even laugh at the joke, even if it is good.) She's from a family of Danish immigrants who moved to the states (how creative DONT @ ME)She takes her job very seriously- gets teased a bit for how serious she is at all times... she's a good shot and uses her large stature to her advantage in hand to hand but doesn't fly very well and isn't much for covert ops. She takes pleasure in being both independent and taking care of others. She's got a small family that is strained at times but she's working on those relationships (it is mostly her and her siblings breaking generational habits) She gets along with pretty much anyone worthwhile and does tend to trust authority a bit more than the average soldier- which she relies upon her teammates to call her out on. Clara knew she was a lesbian since she was very little, but probably went through a brief period of denial when she was 13, but now she's open and proud about it. (I imagine someone got her a patch for her plate carrier that is a very subtle lesbian flag) She's a great team player and doesn't mind taking leadership or side roles. In my head she's like one of those big as dogs that are insanely gentle.

IDK as much as I love dark and terrible backstories (if I can put this in DND terms) I just like the idea of her just being a shy half giant barbarian more than her being a rogue.

Clara likes small animals. She's a fan of birdwatching and fishing in her spare time. She hates reading long passages (dyslexic ftw). She is one of the few soldiers that seems to actually enjoy time off from work (She is def one of the more mentally stable 141 members- more than Soap, less than Gaz.) She likes women. She hates men giving shooting advice on the range. She likes the summertime, but hates the tan lines she gets from her sports bra. She likes alcohol and being buzzed, but can't stand being drunk. She likes to smoke cigarettes, but she hates Price's cigars. She likes spending time with her team members and doing things they like to get to know them better. She definitely likes weightlifting, HATES cardio more than anything.

Also??????????? I would die if you wrote using her!!! That is so fine!! I have NO idea what to even write to like. shoehorn her into the 141 I keep just imagining her in little scenarios and then get too excited to write it.

[pantspissedinreverse]

hey i love seeing ur posts about comp tf2, do you have any advice for a wannabe sixes medic? ive been watching a lot of recorded games and demo reviews and stuff and it looks like a lot of fun but actually playing a match myself sounds so daunting and scary

hello anon! thanks for asking and im glad that youve thought about playing comp :)

this ended up really long so under the cut it goes

to start with some outside stuff youll need:

a discord account

a mic (or any other audio input device)

mumble (optional)

from what ive seen, the biggest leagues all have discord servers where players can find scrims or teams and teammates (in the case of rgl) but also teams use discord because its a quick, easy and cheep way to keep in touch

now, a league, there are 5 leagues but ive only played in 2 of them as they are region specific, there are:

rgl (NA/north american league)

etf2l (EU/european league)

ozfortress (oceania/australia league)

asiafortress (asian league, site is down rn?)

ugc (international, the old league where it all started)

now the best way to get into comp is probably through a newbie cup, a shorter season for new players with dedicated coaches provided, but the only one that regularly runs is by an NA pug group, speaking of, another good way to start is through pugs! (or mixes if youre in eu) pugs or pick up games or mixes are run either by the league or an independent person, in NA the biggest non-league pug group i know is tf2 coaching central or tf2cc for short, they also run the newbie cup and are based entirely on discord! in EU, mixes are run usually through sites and require mumble, the biggest being tf2center which id say is much more beginner friendly and hosts more formats than the other site, tf2pickup.eu where you can only play 6s and will usually find players that have been playing since season 2 (etf2l is on season 47)

also! every friday (if there are enough people) there are newbie mixes! basically a mix/pug with a coach, i havent personally played but ive heard its good

now if you find a league that works for you, heres some settings that youll need:

enable developer console

this will allow you to open the developer console, this is a nifty little thing because it allows you to do all kinds of crap, for example, connecting to a specific server if you have the connect info, which is very important in comp, you can change the button that opens the console at the very bottom of the settings

thats how the dev console looks like, heres how to find it:

change your fov to 90

this can be either done in the settings or by putting fov_desired 90 into the console, 90 is the max you can set it to in the settings but if you want more fov then feel free to change this to something else like 130 for example. this is done because the default tf2 fov doesnt let you see as much as 90 and having that information is crucial, especially for medic

now for the actually medic specific stuff

in the advanced settings there are two key things you need to turn on, 1) keep healing even when not pressing the fire key and 2) autocall for medic if below 99% health

the first one is a no brainer, youre gonna be healing constantly for 2 hours or more if you play a season as medic and your fingers will cramp up if you just keep holding down mouse1 so this ones for that

the second one is a bit odd, why autocall? well it might help you find spies or find your way back to your team if you get lost without having to comm it out, it also shows you if a teammate got damaged very recently because of the small cross above their head, this is important because then it will take more time to heal them up

uber masking

when you are about to hit 100% ubercharge, press E, and the "medic!" voiceline is gonna override the very loud and very obvious "I AM FULLY CHARGED" voiceline, tldr: you dont want the other team to know that you have uber

uber counting

the average stock uber can be built in 40-50 seconds, at the start of the round your ubers are the same but they will get offset as the game goes on, when the enemy medic spawns count in your head to 40 or watch the clock for 40 seconds and at the end of that 40 seconds they will have uber

uber related callouts:

"we have ad" (=we have more uber than them)

"we have disad" (=we have less uber than them)

"they have" (=they have uber, be cautious)

"we have" (=we have uber, yay!)

"its even/equal" (=the ubers are the same)

"med dropped!" (=the other medic dropped uber, you now have a lot of ad, you will hear this from your teammates)

"he got a saw on me" (=their medic is running ubersaw and just hit me, they have 25 more uber)

"use" (=pop it)

"use on me/use on [class]" (=use uber on a specific person or class, usually scout or demo)

"big ad/disad" (=the difference between our ubers is big, around 50% difference)

"small ad/disad" (=the difference between our ubers is small, anywhere from 20% to 5% difference)

thats a lot of callouts but dont fear, youll get a hang of it soon :)

the ideal loadout

crusaders crossbow

stock medigun

solemn vow

i did mention the ubersaw but its use is much more niche and works the best when the enemy team is shit, the solemn vow also lets you see the enemy medics uber if you see him but dont use this as a crutch and also call out enemy health ("demo is 50!" and then your flank scout game ends him), ill go over the weapons now

crusaders crossbow

the weapon with most skill, it allows you to heal your team at large distances, your teammates will usually say "arrow me" or "arrow me [location]" and then you shoot them and heal em up, the crusaders crossbow is also used in rollouts a lot, process and gullywash for example both require you to arrow someone mid rollout, i have a few aim training maps linked in my other medic tips post which also, funny enough, have a clip of how comms usually sound so thats cool

stock medigun

other than the kritzkrieg, the stock is the only medigun allowed in standard 6s, its the most consistent medigun and also makes you invincible for 8 seconds, you mentioned watching demos of other players and usually when they do a push into a point they uber the demo so that he can jump in unharmed, then the scout to go fast and the back on demo because hes the 2nd most important class here (the 1st is you!! so dont die!!)

honorary kritz mention

in lower divs, kritz isnt usually played, its an element of surprise weapon and it takes 32 seconds to get uber but 32 is an awkward number so we usually just count to 30 and use the 2 seconds to run :)

the kritz is much more widely used in highlander but ive seen some great playes with it in 6s too

some medigun strats before we move onto melee:

building uber with a boston basher scout

your scout is your escort now, random encounters lied to you, medics do, in fact, heal scouts

give your players a buff (overheal) when youre in spawn and waiting to move, its needed for rollouts in most cases, heal order is usually demo -> roamer -> demo again -> psolly

you need to heal as much as you can, this is a race to get uber

players will come up to you and ask for buffs, its usually soldiers and they will usually jump away shortly after

the ubersaw and the head

the solemn vow is a much better choice of melee then the ubersaw simply due to the fact that you can see enemy health and uber, but i cant deny that the ubersaw saved my ass a few times, still, use the head

now thats the weapons, lets get onto the more interpersonal relationships between teammates

the general playerbase of comp is sweaty gamer cishet guys but ive found that many of them are cool (despite the reputation of sweaty gamer cishet guys) and they are cool especially in rgl

heres some tips,

keep your tumblr private from your team

they dont know the lore of tf2 and 9 times out of 10 dont really care for it

just keep the discussion to comp

many of them are down to play casual or even valve comp if you ask

feel free to ask for tips! they love giving tips!

you will be judged for being a medic player but in a joking matter (they dont usually like playing medic so theyre glad that someone else is lol)

they will show you cool shit (usually clips of airshots)

tf2 comp players are a bit edgy at times, sometimes people just say slurs but not the n word with a hard R or anything (ps. you can report people if they say a slur mid game in chat)

a lot of the time they are gonna tell it to you straight, if youre bad then they will tell you youre bad at xy and z and if you dont improve then they will just call you open (<- lowest division in etf2l/derogatory term for anyone who isnt in open)

in a team you have the team leader who schedules everything and runs this team and talks to the admins, maybe a co-tl who helps with team leader stuff, the main roster which is just the players who play most often, the subs who substitute the main roster when someone cant make it but you still want to play and lastly the ringers(NA term)/mercs(EU term) who are outsiders you call in if your pscout just called in sick and the pscout sub is on vacation and you really need a player

classes

its at the bottom because i forgot about it lol?

6s has 2 soldiers, 2 scouts, a demo and a medic

they are split into the flank and the combo, the combo is with the medic and the flank is not

demo:

you will need to heal this guy a lot, he takes a lot of damage and gives out a lot of damage, he can trap down an area or spam down a choke, will be with you in most of your ubers, make sure this guy is buffed

pocket scout:

the scout in the combo, your escort and personal bodyguard (kinda), hes gonna build with you, pick you up from spawn when you die and is most likely gonna be the maincaller (=person who calls the shots in a comp match like when to retreat and what not)

pocket soldier:

in all honesty idfk what this guy does, he wants heals and watches chokes, spams rockets down chokes too, sacs for med (=jumps on the medic and kills them hopefully)

flank scout:

watches flanks, wants heals, can replace your pscout if he dies, will offclass if need be (offclassing is the act of switching your class to a different one that isnt standard in 6s like sniper or heavy)

roamer (flank soldier):

i also dont know what the fuck the roamer does, its basically the same as psolly but he watches flanks and offlcasses and has a different rollout

post game

so after you play your first game of comp, write ".ss" into the chat, this will open a window with your logs for that match and you can see how you did that game! if you want you can also download the demo from demos.tf if you look up your steam name it should show up, there are other sites where you can see how you did like more.tf which is a nicer looking site and also you can compare specific players and see more stuff so thats cool! theres also trends.tf where you can see how you did over time and basically every stat you can think of even down to the time youve spent playing a class in comp, heres my overview on trends.tf if you wanna see all that it shows (ps. most of my recent games are 4v4 because of a cup lol)

last thing before the end, i did make a post about medic tips a while ago and those apply here as well

tf2 competitive wiki if you want to learn callouts and other stuff

so! thats the basics of 6s med :) gl hf and feel free to dm me if you have any more questions

edit: i forgot to mention b4nny, the lord and savior of competitive tf2 and while he doesnt play med much he has a lot of experience and knows a lot about comp and just has a lot of resources for comp

[lovebvni]

(https://www.tumblr.com/lovebvni/747038166156034048/hi-abyss-thank-you-so-much-for-doing-a-reading)

Hi! This is me again! Gonna be sending you my thoughts on your reading since I feel it's the best way to thank you. Apologies that this is going to be long, I just have a lot to say and your reading resonated deeply with me.

Thank you so much for confirming my gut feeling I'm on the right path. It's taken me nearly 3 years at this point to adopt this mindset I have now, to find something that finally works and clicks with me and feels right. I absolutely will ground myself further into it and stay consistent. I feel that's what I need most right now, the belief and consistency into this energy and mindset I have going, and I'll see the rest unfold along the way.

The song you got for the shufflemancy and your interpretation of it is, not gonna lie, echoing VERY close to a song that's present in the OST of the video game world I'm shifting to. I'm keeping things a little more vague for personal reasons, but you taking this song you got as me "pulling my trigger" in regards to the anger and frustration I have is seriously making me internally go "!!!! just like my friend in that reality". I am so taking this as another indirect sign for me that I'm making the right decision to experience that particular reality. That said, the shufflemancy song itself does resonate with me, especially after looking into the full lyrics. I am someone who tries to keep my anger down and under control as I was never allowed to express it growing up despite always wishing to express it. I do also feel very beholden to the past and I do not want my past experiences to cloud my path going forward. So, this is confirming I need to let myself feel this anger, let it out and express it for once, and move forward.

The winter note is interesting for two reasons. First reason is, winter is my favorite season and I tend to feel most like myself during those months. The winter holidays have always been my favorite and I simply love the energy in December, especially. So the December note is very much sticking out to me. The second is a little more interesting and derived a from a certain feeling I get. Generally I'm open to my exact "entry point" into the main reality I'd like to experience (the video game derived one), but I've mainly been alternating between fall and winter based off vibes and what feels right for me to focus on grounding myself into at the time. Currently I've been focusing on it being fall when I become fully aware of being there despite it not feeling 100% right, but I will also be interpenetrating this as a good suggestion I should go for it being winter instead!

Overall, I'm open to the exact timeframe I'll experience a full shift, and if it happens around December here based on your reading, I'll embrace it. That said, I have a feeling if I put genuine work and thought into my journey, consider the notes and advice you gave me, I can accomplish it much sooner. No matter what, I just have a gut feeling it WILL finally be this year so long as I stick with this mindset I have. My experiences and near full shift have proven to me this is an experience I can have. Also, I will look into chakra cleansing meditation! While I don't personally feel drawn to full on chakra work, certain meditations have served me well before and it would be good to, again, let negative things out and new energy in.

Thank you, Abyss. This means a lot to me. Take care!

OF COURSE OMG!! I LOVE U SO MUCH AND YOUVE COME SO FAR!!! YOURE GONNA REACH THE SHIFT N UR GONNA DO IT!!

PERSIST PERSIST PERSIST!! ITS GONNA HAPPEN!! IM SO EXCITED!!

[sereniv]

Hi this is the same anon that came to you questions my identity maybe I should give myself an anon? I would like to drop by often and chat a bit about identity and such. Maybe 🦪. I tried to take your advice and go on Reddit and see if I could listen to the community and such but I can’t help but feel that the community has a bit of racism going on. I just searched afro indigenous to see if I could find more people with my struggles or more people who have gone though the exact same thing of me but the first thing that popped up was about a show of indigenous people and I tried to scroll through it with a open mind and open heart but I can’t say I don’t feel hurt by the comments a bit. They seem to separate black indigenous people as just black and internally don’t seem to claim them. They called it “indigenous shows” and how indigenous people needed their own shows and how we already have a ton of our own. And I get it I do but it also feels like they just don’t want to add black mvskoke to their show and- I’ll leave a quoted comment that kinda deflated me. “There are plenty of "black shows". This show is for us indigenous. I don't believe it needs more representation of anyone else except for more indigenous people. Some groups are over represented, we are not in that category. If it were me, I'd show less of other races and try to bring more native talent into the world. But, that's just my opinion. Love the earth and each other” and then another comment under that one being “1 agree. There are black shows with black creators, black actors, and that talk about black issues. This is a show about Indigenous creators, Indigenous actors, that talk about Indigenous issues. Everyone deserve to see a show about people like them created by people like them. Rez Dogs is that for Indigenous people.” I don’t think I’m welcomed and I don’t think I would ever be “like them”. -🦪

I am so sorry i didnt warn you. There is a lot of anti-black racism in the native community unfortunately but i KNOW there has to be afro-native groups out there. Because there are black natives ive seen articles of them talking about their experiences, as a black person, as a native person, and as a black native person.

Im sorry that you had to read that i truly am. You DO belong and not as a side note or asterisk. As a whole person

And these are the same people, the ones youve come across, that uphold colonialist ideas like one drop rule and blood quantum, that which in the end works against them.

You might have an easier time in the subreddit MixedRace, but i totally understand being turned off and wary, so dont do that unless youre prepared for anymore of that. Because i cant say there wont be but id like to think its better, since its mixed people of all kinds talking and not 'pure natives 🙄'

if you want i could make a post asking around for afro indigenous spaces or subreddit or forums, lurk a bit and vet it for you. I know youre very shy, but i could maybe find a few options that you can choose from hopefully

And what they said is wrong. Yes rez dogs is more geared towards ppl who grew up on the rez, but that shouldnt exclude black natives. Your blackness doesnt diminish or is even always seperate from your indigeny. Not to mention not everyone grew up on the rez. Not everyone grew up with their culture. And also it seems rez dogs still plays into colorism but i could be wrong.

Rez dogs is great im sure. and not everyone has to be represented all the time. But if we were to say it focuses just on ppl from a rez then that includes black natives who grew up on the rez. That is a fact.

There are black natives who have grown up on a reservation, whole families! They are native they are indigenous as a whole person. And they want to uphold white supremacist type bullshit to keep the 'purity'. its just plain bigotry

Because you KNOW that not everyone on that cast is 100% native theres got to be someone whos mixed. and its like does that automatically disqualify them as part of the native representation?

Native is all skin tones. Its all hair styles. Its all clothing type all music types all accents. Its also all over the place.

You have these assholes say that someone who doesnt give a shit about being native yet is 100% in blood, has more worth as a voice than someone who is low BQ but helps the community and is deep within their culture or wtvr- even someone with low BQ and born on the rez they will claim fraud.

that makes no sense.

But nonetheless, i cant imagine the hurt you must feel. And i wish there was something more i could do to help.

Just remember that at the end of the day, you have to know in your gut and your brain and your soul that they are wrong. That they are bigots. Black native people are native. Not part. Whole. Being black doesnt take away or diminish being native at ALL.

What i tell everyone is, you are what native looks like. In experience, in physical appearance, in all ways.

Again im so sorry for not telling you and you had to experience that. Just know there are other black natives, of every tribe. There are articles on their experiences. Just dont read the comments

[syn4k]

🌿

unfortunately the only way to solve not wanting to create things is to not create things until you want to create things again.

"but Six!" i hear you protest over the angry yells of all my followers. "that can't be true! i hate that!"

i hate it too. But listen up you self loathing chucklefucks this is IMPORTANT.

if your brain and body is telling you that you are tired and that you need to take a break, fucking listen to them. Do not ignore them and continue making things anyways.

I do not give a fuck about your making one thing per day streak. I do not give a fuck about your follower count or engagement or statistics or whatever the fuck. I do not fucking care how stubborn you are. This rule is set in the laws of the universe itself just like the laws of physics are.

If you do not schedule time for yourself to recharge, your body will automatically do it for you and it WILL NOT ASK POLITELY.

that's what burnout and writer's block IS! you cant make shit if you're too fucking tired and depressed and busy trying to function as a person and don't have any energy left over for creative work! creating things takes ENERGY and EFFORT even the most self loathing low quality shitpost stick figure youve ever doodled on the back of an napkin. That takes effort too. This is your body realizing that you're going past your own limits despite everything and forcibly shutting you down so that you physically fucking cannot anymore for your own health.

Full stop.

If you take the time that you need to rest and regain energy and use it instead to continue doing things that require energy, your body will force you to allocate that time to rest at some point eventually.

So yeah. Sleep in hard over the weekends. Do nothing. Be unproductive. Fuck capitalism and FUCK the Protestant work ethic. I am being so fucking serious right now. This isn't just me repeating what I've heard, this is me sharing things that I've had to learn the hard way over the span of literal fucking years because my dumb ass kept ignoring it too.

You are allowed to, and encouraged to, politely turn down outings with friends and family if you're too tired.

You are allowed to, and encouraged to, take a day off from school or work if you wake up and know in your bones that you are too tired. (Make sure to let your teachers know beforehand. They'll understand. Skipping a day of work is a whole nother can of radioactive horses that I don't want to open right now but others here may have advice. Check the notes.)

You are allowed to, and encouraged to, do nothing.

You are allowed to, and encouraged to, be "lazy" (if you're not enjoying the forced time off, you're not being lazy).

If you can only do the bare minimum to take care of yourself (i.e making low-effort meals, only using the bathroom twice a day, etc) then that's okay too. The more you rest, the more energy you'll slowly build up to do more things like going to the grocery store so that you don't starve and getting those assignments done and taking an extra two minutes to make yourself a glass of something warm in the mornings so that you don't want to die quite as much. Also, when you can, ask your friends for a script and call your doctor about prescribing you depression medication because I love you and this is not normal and you deserve better.

Living life is not supposed to make you want to die, and surviving is not the same as living.

your body has a built in hierarchy of needs and at the top of the list is creating things, which you can only do once you're at a certain level of energy and wellness. if something's wrong, your drive to create will be the first to go.

it's scary, but you'll be okay

be gentle and kind to yourself. imagine that your brain and body is a horse: kicking it when it's down and yelling at it to move won't help. you have to meet it where it's at and feed it and comfort it until it's ready to move on again. you can't write trail songs if you've got no path to roam

this quickly spiraled out of my hands but i am very passionate about this subject and also i love u. good luck.

[valdederon]

FLAMES JOURNEY CHAPTER #17 the angry pup and the un mooving mountian

after a week in the medical wing the little angry riolu begins to rouse up and whimper arm in a cast as it had been fractured in several spots that couldnt be healed by oran berries and she tries to stand up before evergreen pushes his paw on her chest setting her in the nest.

evergreen-- NO.. STAY IN BED… your in no shape to moveyour arm needs to heal and thats going to take another 2 to 3 weeks .

the riolu growls at him and he sjust flicks her nose with his vines making her yelp and tear up as she sits back down and evergreen checks her fire burns and puts more oran berry cream on them and wraps them back.

evergreen-- whats your name hun.

nova--- my name is nova you overgrown plant.. let me out of here.. that damed fire type is going to pay.

evergreen--- settle the hell down you are severely injured.

she pouts but lays back and looks around the room seeing valdederon asleep against the wall as draggo comes in

draggo---hows the pup evergreen.

evergreen--- shes cranky and not happy but over all she will heal.

draggo--- what happened to her she was so angry at val.. she attacked him out of the blue and..

evergreen--- she had severe burns …sighs… probably was attacked by another fire type its not uncomon for some fire type pokemon to become outlaws she may think val atacked her we dont know.

nova--- that dam fire type will die.. no mater what..

ever green sighs and gets her straped down into the nest making her angry as she squirms trying to escape but ends up sighing un able to get loose. after awhile valdederon goes to the training hall and begin to medittate wanting to talk to his old master the golden fox beast kin named raykore. after a few hours he manages to enter a state of spiratural tranquility and finds his master.

valdederon--morning master… ugh ive got my self one hell of a situation.. i find my self in your situation when you first met me.

raykore---- ha ha ha ha whats that mean.

valdederon---just met a riolu recently shes pissed and out for revenge and openly tried to attack me so. yea i need advice on what to do i dont want her to do anything ive done. im seriously stressed out here.

raykore chuckles and takes a drag from her pipe and blows out a bit of smoke.

raykore--- so my student has grown..i say train the kid hun. you know your mistakes. you made your peace with them and you even regret them youve moved past them and gained a new family your so much happyier now then youve ever been.. just rember one thing shes going to be a brat be hard on her but dont over do it. be flexiable when needed become a mountain when shes out of line but never harm her.

valdederon-- i dont intend to. right now shes in the medical wing healing.

raykore looks at valdederon and walks over and puts her paw on his fore head

raykore--- im so proud of the man youve become hun when she is rady accept her into your family… your pack she needs some one she can rely on in her life now more then ever but shes going to fight you all the way like you once did with me.

she kisses valdederon on the side of his cheak and walks off into the distance slowly fading into a rolling fog as valdederon opens his eyes dragon trying desperately to catch his attention.

draggo--- what the hell man you were surrounded in burning red flames.

valdederon--- i was meditating and talking to my old master.. i needed her advice on a verry important decision.. follow me .

he gets up and heads back to the medical wing and opens the door firmly with a heavy thud against the wall.

valdederon-- whats your name riolu..

nova-- its nova you murderous psychopath.

valdederon--- im not a murderer hun.. and im no saint either what i am is some one whos been were you are now..seaking revenger not caring about anything else but that revenge thinking the justice of it will feel like sweet honey .. its not.. revenge. its rotten meat rancid havint sat in the sun for weeks surrounded by rotting corpses fed to a troll and regurgitated out.

evergreen gags at th sound of the description.

nova -- what do you care you dont know me or what ive

valdederon cutting her off--- I KNOW ALL I NEED TO KNOW your pissed.. angry full of rage and hatred for who ever or what ever ruined your life ive seen it in your eyes ive lived it.. i got my revenge news flash.. it didnt fill my with pride it tore my soul int ribbons and corrupted it.. people here say im good but only a select few have heard about my past.. the guild master and his wife.. zelania.. a training instructor and dungeon team observer. draggo has seen my wrath first hand.. when i snap. i go to a dark place .

draggo--- its true ive seen him when he….uh..

valdederon-- i singlehandedly killed 2 demons and 4000 imps in a mater of seconds my past. i was a human in a nother world. i lost my family, my home.. my home town… all of my friends.. my baby sister.. all wiped out in a day. it hurts like hell and it never goes away.. it never gets easy living past it. but here i made a new home gained a new family. i can help you.. but you will obey my evry command listen to my evry word do as i say and we can bring justice with out corrupting your soul.

evergreen stares at valdederon and nova speachless ast to whats happening.

nova-- and if i refuse what then.. are you going to kill me.. like my master.

valdederon-- no i wont but ill make sure you never set foot out of this guild ever.

draggo desperately tries to interject but evergreen shakes his head.

evergreen-- nothing we can do draggo.let it be.

nova looks into valdederons eyes and sees his aura pink with blackened smokey swirls cracks of white in the black and senses no malice no intent to kill and she sinks into her bed turning her head away silently.

valdederon--- understood when your ready come find me. once your healled up anyway

he walks out of the medical wing and draggo looks around utterly confused and bewildered.

draggo--- what the hell just happened.

evergreen-- i have no clue ive never seen him like that..his eyes they..were filled with regret and…hapyness at the same time i dont undertand but i think they agreed to somthing as to what i have no idea.

nova--- his aura.. he.. hes…he didnt ..who did this to me.. if not him.. ughhh..

the next few weeks pass by slowly as valdederon patiently waits meditiating in the training hall waiting for nova to find him and when she does she charges at him with bone rush valdederon sensing it and floating to the left making her fall flat on her face with a yelp.

valdederon--- your rage anger and hatred are a beacon giving your position away.. even a todler could dodge you at this point.. reign your self ind child..

she growls angerly.

nova--- your eyes are closed how could you have possibly seen me comming.

valdederon-- like i said before i was once human in another world my master trained me in the ways of magic.. aura. can be classified as magic to some cultures a magic use can also utilize aura the same wa an aura user can.. though not nearly as efficiently. im still anovice compared to my master..

nova---so what you a magic user or somthing.

valdederon-- a wizard yes. any way are you willing to become my aprentice.

nova growle fists clenched but nods staring at him.

valdederon-- good then we will begin by developing your ability to use aura.. you once created a blade out of bone rush.. show me what you can do but foucse only on th task i asked of you.

she sighs and pulls out a bone rush and pust one paw on the end and focuses her energy into molding it when vladederon uses his staff to trip her.

nova--- what the hell.. you messed me.

valdederon-- SILENCE.. YOU MUST LEARN TO IGNORE OUT SIDE DESTRACTIONS.. in battle no one cares if you mess.. up.. its do or die in battle. you will not have time to react if youfocuse sowly on one action.

she gets up dusting her self off and chages at valdederon. to witch he side steps her for hours the cycle continues untill shes able to at will create a small bone blade dagger lunch time finaly ariving as she collapses exausted and in need of the litter box.

valdederon-- go take a break and meet me in the mess hall.. youve done well so far after bathroom break and lunch we will work on some aura training.

nova--- ho.how…a..are ….you…. so… nimble…

valdederon-- thats irelevant to the situation.. break time and lunch time.. now

she pants and nods heading to the bathroom as valdederon heads to the mess hall and begins gathering food drinks and some pasteries for nova and evergreen walks in to talk to valdederon

evergreen-- vall i hope you dont over work her..

valdederon-- im not after shes finished eating were going to work on her aura.. after that she can rest up and relax shes stuborn but smart..i just hope she doesnt try anything stupid..

nova comes into the mess hall and yawns softly sitting down when valdederon sets 2 piles of food on plates one for her and one for him.

nova---uhhh… the hell is this ??.

valdederon--- eat it up you need this after having worked out so much. and rember were doing aura after this no more physical activities for the rest of the day.. unles you want to wind up back in evergreens office

evergeen-- for the love of mew dont wind up back in my office. i like you but i dont want to have to strap you down again.. and you just got out today .

nova tucks her tail between her legs lowering her ears realizing they areboth right.

nova---..y..yes sir.. i.ill keep that in mind.

valdederon-- any way my name is valdederon most people call me val or valdederon so either one is fine with me you dont need to adress me as master

nova--- yea i do you are training me so your my master.. my real master is dead thanks to a fire type.. he was old but kind..you your just an ass hole.

valdederon---i may be that yes but im here to make sure you dont repeat my mistakes.. understood. nova

she bites into a berry and growls

nova--- yea yea yea what ever MASTER FLAME BRAIN…tsch.

valdederon sighs and begins eating as evergreen leavs with his food to his office.

[mlynar-nearl]

this is very long i am apologies

yes !!! i read ur essay (?) on mlynars grief too and i just think that youve got it down super neat (ive probably repeated this too many times) so like good job !!!

ah indeed i was the anon who asked abt his kit last time too (saw the art of him too btw its very pretty, very nice ur friend did an amazing job!) so do you think hed have a talent like aosta's in that he does extra (maybe % or maybe fixed) dmg to unblocked? or hes got like a skill thats like fartooth (global only target blocked but in his case its global only target unblocked?) i think either ways adding a different debuff to all of his skills would be fun ! do you think hed be rng based cc (like aak?) or like its specifically one debuff to each skill, those kinda stuff? honestly er this is a lot of questions you can selectively answer but i just think hes probably a neat wraith killer lol no more annoying unblocked assholes running around ehe but also on a separate note, do you think he has any special interactions with other operators (excl the ones from laterano) ? his hobbies etc (just go wild man, tell me wtv even his preferred breakfast or whether he hates grass or smth) also yes ty for the advice abt mandragora !! i only figured it out like... once i accidentally made her drop blocks on herself and she died due to low hp and i was like wtf cos ??? free elimination ? and i learnt i was very wrong later on but pozy saved my ass aha so it all worked out anyways ! just training for when i actually bother clearing ch 9 ig oh and until u said it i didnt rly notice that sss like... hates all snipers. (ive tried using chalter it didnt go well... pozy as well) like all the late stage sss stages just completely dont let you use snipers for anything other than like buffs (unless youre rosa ig might have chance) shit i screwed up this is even longer than last time im so sorry if this is uncomfortable to read :sob: if this is too uh ew to converse with i can chacha slide into ur dms (but give me time i am... well theres a reason im anon) but yeah anyways have a nice day so sorry for this length and as always u can selectively answer or ignore lol ! hope ur well !

don't worry about the length, i love answering questions! I will try and get to everything. thank you for the compliments ab my post i try (oh my god do i try) :]

i think his talents would involve extra damage + prio unblocked enemies + his source of crowd control. his CC would be strictly bind, not RNG like aak, because his arts are specifically grappling hook/rope shit. i think i've been theoretically calling this talent and arts type "tethering." in lore he mainly uses it for traversal, but there's no reason it wouldn't work on people, too, so i think it fits best as a crowd control bind. one of his skills would then just do a "talent trigger increase" as part of their functionality meaning extra bind chance. of course, how useful he would actually be as a concept depends on the numbers, which is the part i'm bad at, but still, fun to think about :]

for other operators, he would definitely get on well enough with some of the cooks among the RI operators, for one. his favorite flavor of sweet thing is cinnamon, and cinnamon is easy to incorporate into things, and he's smart enough to be polite to the people feeding his interests. he would also, i think, have interesting but awkward interactions with the iberians, because while he is not himself iberian, he has traveled extensively there and shares memories of the profound silence/aftermath thereof with Andoain. ultimately, i think he's polite to most everyone he runs into if he were to go to RI, but he's already rather closed off as a person and you have to open him up with a crowbar, so i don't know if anyone could be considered a friend of his. i don't even think fiammetta is really a friend of his (he would call it that, but that's far from correct), more that they have similar enough feelings on a specific topic that leads them to cooperate. i think even increasing trust with him still leaves a lot under the surface.

other shealtiel facts...he prefers cats to dogs but understands the appeal of both, but his favorite animals are birds. being a sniper, he sees a lot of them, and spends a lot of time in places birds nest. i imagine lateran schools have a class on religion similar to catholic school (where i have unfortunately been), and that was his favorite subject because his mother was a canonist and spent most of her time analyzing the scriptures and teachings of lateran. he's surprisingly flexible because of this- he actually idealogically overlaps with andoain more than he'd like to admit, he just hates the man's methods. and life choices. when he's on the road he survives off of breakfast bars and terran poptarts. he prefers chilly weather to heat, but hates heavy snow. he has a halfway decent singing voice but never uses it outside of when he's free enough to attend a lateran service. his plan for immediately after achieving his goal (killing andoain with fia) is to take a vacation somewhere cold-but-not-too-cold and isolated and not answer his messages for six to seven months. he's still on the fence about where, though. he would do that right now if he didn't have duties to fulfill. his favorite mixed drink is a gingerbread gin and tonic (g&t + baking spice infused amaretto.) his favorite non-alcoholic drink is cranberry juice. he's become partial to a dying brand of iberian cookies because andoain likes them and he's started buying them up ahead of him out of a petty sort of spite.

SSS really does hate snipers which sucks b/c i do love me a sniperknights. chalter doesn't fall off quite as bad as some because she's useful for bosses but it's still Bad. i still bring snipers for the aspd buffs, but most of them just arent gonna hold up too much. sad :( gj with mandra! she's annoying but at least in her actual boss levels that aren't TFN you get the automatic pillar destroyers. good luck on chapter 9 when you get there :]

[ko-neko-san]

You ever meet someone and it's great bc you're kids. And their home life isn't stellar, but the only thing you're going off of is your own parents and your best friends parents, and sure they're both happy but everyone has issues and you won't find out abt your own parent's for a few more years. But this person's mom is like. Certifiable. But dad is great, tbh classic white middle class dad, love that man, but god does he make excuses for mom like it's cool.

Y'all are friends through middle school, few bumps but what relationship doesn't have arguments or tiffs. You move away before high school, only four hour's drive, but then they move even further south that you did, eight hours now, and the relationship becomes more digital/over the phone than in person. This is fine though, you're still good friends, still helping them through shit with their mom, random shit their sisters do.

She graduates first, but more like on time, bc you're an idiot and couldn't get your shit together on time, no big deal, you still finish the same year. She meets some guy on whisper (y'all remember that, anonymously post shit, most of it ended up being cheating or kinks), apparently finds the D she was apparently looking for, all seems well. He's older, but we're adults now, right? So it shouldn't matter, everyone we'll be interested in should be older at this point.

Turns out, mans is ten to fifteen years older than us, has a wife and at least two kids, and is with your friend on the side, allegedly with wife's permission/open relationship. With the addition of your friend in a steady relationship with him, wife decides that since she's not having luck with her side, no one can. Personally, you dont agree with any of it, but you understand that not everyone has the same issues with jealousy that you do, and that its not your business what other people do behind closed doors.

Few years go by. The couple gets divorced, citing infidelity, considering that the side stuff started before they'd reached any agreement. She gets the kids, and the house, but he's military anyway so he goes to the barracks until his next station, where your friend officially moves in with him. Mom is still not totally there emotionally, still manipulative and likely emotionally abusive. You don't say anything after the first two years of being argued with, but you still don't agree with the relationship your friend is in. Speaking from experience, you say, if he cheats to be with you, what's to stop him from cheating on you, but you've been excommunicated before for saying that so you hold your tongue now.

You've both had a history of self harm, you're not sure if she uses a reason or just does, but you haven't done it since you started seeing people about it, and her therapy/med combo just barely worked. But you've been together through it anyway. Takes one to know one, right? Still, neither of you have done it in years, she just got help a little later than you did, so she's always a little closer to falling off the wagon than you, but you look out for each other and it keeps you both accountable.

You dont realize this until the last year or so, but you give a lot in this relationship, and have since you were both in high school, and have gotten only her own drama back. Somehow everything you're going through, be it a nasty break off of an engagement or your parents nearly killing each other/someone else, she's got a story that she needs to tell, regardless of the fact that she's been with the same person going on six years and before that the same person for four, or that her parents ignore their problems and always have. You start to think it's just a lot of emotional work to be friends, and you feel guilty as fuck about it because you've been together since you were 12 and 11 and you're 25 and 24 now and you're not sure you can break it off without pushing her into the deep end, and you don't necessarily trust that her partner will help her. So you stay anyway, you air your grievances to your mom, who knows her, and your best friend, who doesn't know her but knows you, and you hope that it's enough to keep you from falling with her when she inevitably does every time, and it works for a while.

But then you ignore calls late one night, and find out the next morning that she did fall off the wagon, straight into a bathtub. She's not gone, but she is absolutely not safe to be alone, and for once you're thankful she's with him, because he's staying with her. You find out she was assaulted years ago, that she'd repressed it until a recent therapy session brought it back up, that that was the catalyst for last night. You immediately ask your mom, is this my fault, bc I ignored her calls yesterday, but you also know if she was gonna do it nothing you could say would stop her, you've been in that situation, you should know better than to think it was your fault, and your mom says as much. But it turns out, she was calling after she'd done it anyway, so even if you'd answered it would've been damage control at best. You can't help but think if she'd have just stuck with the therapy she'd be better off, but you also find it hard to make that argument bc you yourself haven't done that, but you also always had the safety net of "my mom at least understands the emotional aspect, even if she can't relate to the self harm/ideation part" and she's never had that support at home.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep doing this cycle with her. It's not actually helping either of us when I'm so guarded with what I talk about with her, when I can't bring myself to be more emotionally involved than I already have been, when the only thing she brings to the table anymore is actions I can't help her with and decisions I don't agree with. How can I help someone who won't help themselves?

[theunrealinsomniac]

hello!! i hope you are doing well. maybe youve talked about this before but do you have writing advices to stay inspired? and how is the process for you to organize your ideas and get to work? im very curious about that, hope its not too personal!

Hello, I'm okay thank you!

I actually don't think I have talked about how I stayed inspired, mostly because it's something of a fluke half the time lol.

But I do have some tricks that might help others so:

Make a writing playlist. No seriously, find songs that inspire you to write and put them on a playlist. I personally have one for NaruSaku and one for NSFW writing on Spotify and that can normally be relied on to get in the mood to write.

Reading stories and watching TV shows about what you're trying to write can work too. That's a bit of a double edged sword though, you don't want to copy things whole hog, but it can help to get the ball rolling.

I actually started writing at 15/16 cos I was reading fic for NaruSaku and in my teenaged hormonal arrogance was like 'god, I can do better than this!' and that's how I started lol.

And much to my shame, reading bad fic and needing to put something 'better' out there does still work for me. I don't do that quite so much anymore thankfully lol, now it's more reading good fic and going 'oh my god, that's fucking great and it gives me ideas!'

If you're in the process of writing and you lost the thread or you've suddenly gotten a little self-conscious? Find someone you trust, someone who won't mind spoilers, possibly someone who doesn't even read your work but is a friend ... and ask them to read what you've got so far, or just the latest snippett.

The reassurance of someone you trust telling you what you've got is good? Especially if they're willing to riff on the idea with you, is golden. I've recaptured flagging inspiration by doing that a lot.

I sometimes go back and reread previous chapters of my work too. Reminds me where I want to go, what I've said in previous chapters and so what I have to stick to, gives me direction.

Did that just last night actually.

Now if you've just lost inspiration? Or the drive to write at all? Stop.

If you are forcing out every word or couple of words? Stop writing right now.

You're burnt out, you need to go do something else. Sleep, eat, shower, go for a walk, play a video game, watch a TV show or movie just for fun. Talk to your friends, play with your dog/cat/rabbit whatever.

Inspiration will not come if your brain is so wired you can't think straight. The best writer in the world will tell you that nothing is better for inspiration than healthy life habits, even the ones who spent half their time coked up.

Now as for my process lol.

God, this is gonna show me for the fraud I really am lol.

Firstly I need it to be understood that this is not a good thing lol, what I'm about to tell you is not good, it's just what my brain does.

Okay? Okay.

My brain doesn't shut the fuck up. Whether that be with all the things I need to do in a day housework wise, all the stuff I have to do at work or all the ideas I have for stories.

Cos in my case? You will only ever see a handful of the ideas that my brain throws at me cos I can't keep up.

So half of the battle for me is actually picking an idea to even start writing lol. I get stunlocked so often it's actually why I've had to instigate a 'no more than three chaptered fics at a time' policy.

And honestly, I would prefer it be one at a time but my brain rebels if I'm not at least spinning three plates at a time. And then it will throw curveballs at me in the shape of oneshots.

But once I've picked the writing for the day, eventually, I just start writing, no plan but the idea that inspired me and I just go. And it's normally just whatever idea appealed to me most lol.

Chapter One of every single fic, or the opening lines of the oneshots, are always 'seat of my pants figure it out' exercises.

You can actually tell when I click into the main theme of the story pretty easily in most of my work, at least I can see it, and sometimes that's before the end of the first chapter, sometimes we're way, way in and the story is kind of all over the place until then.

But okay, chapter/story is done, first draft is done. I wrote until I hit a natural stopping point and I have a completed first draft.

Then I edit.

I do a basic spell and grammar check first. Then I read through for typos and iffy tenses. That's Draft Two.

Then I read through again, finding more typos and iffy tenses and maybe make some edits to the flow of text. That's Draft Three.

Rinse and repeat until satisfied. Picking out dodgy lines, changing scenes where necessary and correcting any typos I've still missed or punctuation errors, you get it.

Then I post and wait lol.

And normally I'll take a few days to a week off and pick up whatever I'm writing next. Normally another story but in the case of the Wedding AU that sucker was just a constant stream of writing lol. It's a miracle I didn't freeze up lol.

Which is another reason why I have three chaptered fics going at a time. Let's me swap between as I go and avoid freezing up for longer.

But yeah, hope that was interesting lol.

Thanks for asking!

[minminnie-shii]

Giving SF9 Cuddles

Hai hai!! I know i’ve been gone for a while

lets just act like that never happened

Buttt, I’m back and recently I’ve been watching the new series of Kingdom and I am so hype to see my babies sf9 

currently sobbing

also my mom was very upset when they came in last place

anyways they’re all working so hard and I’m so proud of them so I decided to write this for all the Fantasy and new Fantasy who are getting into my babies.

so here is sf9 wanting cuddles, enjoy

~Kim Youngbin~

this man

uggghhh

i love him so much i might cry

moving on

being a father of eight children is hard work

but my best baby does everything he can and is the best leader he can be for those boys

butttt

being a little is hard work and he needs to be taken care of as much as they do

insert the love of his life

thats you

youre good at telling when hes stressed and do everything you can to help him

so when he looks at you with doe eyes asking for cuddles you don’t hesitate to say yes

so now your laying on your bed youngbins head on your chest

youre running your hand through his hair softly and humming to him

he lets out a peaceful sigh and lifts hiss head looking up at you

“i love you so much” 

he looks so sleepy and you couldn’t stop yourself from cooing at him

he eventually falls asleep and you just lay there quietly admiring him

he’s the love of your life and you’ll never understand how you got so lucky to have someone like him in your life

#toptiercouple

~Kim Inseong~

this man

DORK ALERT

he will ask for cuddles in the most dramatic way

you’re at the dorm visiting him before he starts filming for his new show

you know that you wont be able to see him for a while and youre a little sad

inseong of course knows this

so he wants to make today extra special

he surprised you with flowers and your favorite snacks 

he even bought you a penguin plushie that was almost the size of you

so now youre sitting on the couch waiting for him to come back so you could start the movie you wanted to watch

inseong was watching you from the kitchen

you were playing with the sleeves of his sweater that you were wearing staring blankly at the screen in front of you

he smiled softly to himself before skipping into the livingroom

“____, dont look so sad, cuddle me instead!”

his loud voice nearly made you jump out of your skin

he plopped onto the couch next to you and wrapped his arms tightly around you

he pulled you into his chest and slowly rocked you back and forth

a smile came to your face as you rested your head on his chest

“it wont be long, i promise ill call you everyday, okay?” 

he assured you that he’ll come see you as soon as filming was over

you knew that he would and you were more than willing to wait for him

because you love him and there was nothing that would ever change your mind

even if he is a major dork that makes you cringe more often than not

~Lee Jaeyoon~

bias wrecker number 1

did you guys see how hard he practiced for the jealous stage on kingdom

i might cry

i hope he got enough time to rest after hurting his knee

you were at your apartment when youngbin called you letting you know that jaeyoon was on his way to the hospital

of course you were worried but he assured you that he was okay he just hurt his knee

sObBiNg

of course you told him that you would meet him there and quickly got dressed

once you finally reached the hospital your boyfriend was staying at you found youngbin who was waiting for your outside

“is he okay? hes not too hurt is he?” 

“he’ll be okay, he just has to rest for a while, i told him you were coming”

as quickly as he could he led you into the room where jaeyoon was lying restlessly

when he heard the door open his head shot over to you and he smiled sadly

you quickly composed yourself and smiled, walking over to him

you sat in the chair next to him and the two of you talked for a while

he told you about coming in last place, feeling like he didn’t work hard enough

it hurt you to see him like that and you did everything you could to reassure him that you were proud of him and he did the best that he could

he began to grow sleepy while talking to you and you could tell

“can you spend the night here with me?” 

you almost squealed out loud as he sleepy state but you just nodded and agreed

he scooted as far as he could to the side of the bed to make room for you

you laid down next to him and he immediately wrapped his body around yours hugging you as closely as he could

he easily fell asleep to you petting his hair and whispering sweet nothings to him

i squealed

~Lee Sanghyuk~

bEaNnnnN

hes so adorable i cant handle it

he also may be my moms favorite she doesnt know yet

although he is a dork he is very serious when it comes to his relationship with you

you are the light of his life and he will treat you as such

but youre still not safe from his pranks and constant jokes

he came to your apartment in his next attempt to bug you 

but when he noticed that you weren’t your normal bubbly self he placed himself next to you on the couch

you immediately reacted and rested your body against his

he leaned back into the cushions and pulled you into his lap

he would occasionally kiss your forehead letting out small hums

he would listen intensely as you tell him about you day

you explained why you were sad and he acted as if it happened to him

giving you advice on how to deal with the situation

it was rare for you to see him so serious but you loved that he was willing to help you with whatever problem that you had

even if it was something small a small trivial matter that didnt have any meaning

once he was sure that you were okay and they two of you would joke around

being the little shit that he is he would pin you down on the couch and began to tickle you

“yah, knock it off!” 

you tried your best to push him off of you

but our man is swole and was not letting you off that easy

once he finally decides youve had enough flops down and lays on top of you

“youre lucky youre cute”

you couldn’t stop the growing smile on your face as the two of you continued to joke around

~Baek Ju Ho~

bias wrecker number 2

hes so precious and i cant handle the cuteness

aaaahhhhh

excuse me ill calm myself

the boy

whether he admits it or not

he will drop anything and run the minute you call his name

and if youre sad or if you pout

lord you better believe hes right there plotting the death of whoever made you sad

one day you and zuho are out walking around doing couple things

you know, being adorable

when all of a sudden you see a group of girls pointing and laughing

you werent sure what they found funny but you began to grow self concious

it didnt even have to be you that they were laughing at, but your mind got the best of you

zuho noticed the sudden change in behavior and immediately took your hand

he pulled you into a hug and rocked you back and forth slightly

he caressed the back of your head and whispered to you about how much he loves you and how beautiful you are

you looked up at him and smiled softly 

he chuckled to himself before placing a soft kiss to your lips

he continued to press light kisses all over your face as he hugged you tighter

you giggled and hid your face in his chest

the people that surrounded you couldn’t help but smile as they watched the two of you

even the girls who you thought were laughing at you they had large smiles on their faces as they all talked about wishing to have a boyfriend like him

~Kim Seok Woo~

i swear i feel like he would be the best boyfriend ever

i know im not the only one who sees it

C U D D L E B U G

he won’t be able to live if he doesnt touch you at least once every ten minutes

ten seconds

he loves your touches 

lets be honest he loves everything about you

i am not kidding

after a stressful day of filming schedules and whatever other plans he has

his favorite thing is to come home and have you waiting for him

there were a lit of times where you would fall asleep waiting for him

he knew that it was late and you wouldnt be awake so he didnt bother to call you

he walked into his dorm tired from the long day that he had

after getting a bottle of water he walked into his room and a large smile came to his face

you were lying on his bed bundled up in his blankets sleeping peacefully

he got ready for bed as fast as he could wanted to lie next to you as fast as he could

once he was ready he carefully and quietly lifted up the blanket covering up your body

he laid down next to you and slipped one arm underneath your body

he slowly rolled you over so your body was lying on top of his

once the two of you were cozy he covered your body back up with the blanket

letting out a peaceful sigh he relaxed his body against yours closing his eyes and letting your quiet breathing quickly lulling him to sleep

you woke up a little later noticing that you werent lying in the same position you fell asleep in

your eyes fluttered open and a smile came to your face as you stared at your sleeping boyfriend

you placed a small kiss on his nose before settling back down and once again falling into your slumber

~Yoo Taeyang~

baby

i love him so much

literally no words can explain it

uggghhh

anyway

his favorite thing to do outside of his idol life

iiisss 

*YOU*

so when he FINALLY gets a day off

guess what hes doing

hanging out with the love of his life of course

duh

he spent the night at your apartment the day before and now the two of you are lying in bed 

youre both lying on your sides just staring at each other with cute smiles on your faces

the aura around the two of you is peaceful, quiet, and intimate

to anyone looking in you could see the love pouring off of the two of you just by looking

you lifted your hand and brought it closer to taeyangs face, trailing your fingers up his jaw

you brought your hand up to his hairline and gently caressed his hair

“i love you”

a red hue came to taeyangs cheeks as he buried his face in your neck

“yah, you cant say stuff like that out of no where”

you giggle as his breath tickled your neck

you draped your arms loosely around his neck as he shifted to hover above you

“but its true”

“i love you” 

he buried his face in your neck again and attacked you with kisses

you squealed loudly and the two of you spent the rest of your day just like this

and neither of you would have it any other way

~Kim Youngkyun~

this dood

A W K W A R D

seriously please help him

no one really knows how the two of you got together

youre both so awkward that people dont understand your relationship

but lets be honest the two of you are perfect for each other

hwiyoung is a sensitive lil gentleman and he totally understands you

buttt sometimes it doesnt come out how he wants it to

you know, him being awkward and all

he does love your affection but he just has a hard time showing it

so a lot of the time youre the one that has to initiate it

“youngie come here”

his head shot over to look at you the minute that he heard you whine

he stood on his feet and walked over to his bed where you were sitting

“are you okay? whats wrong?” 

you just smiled and grabbed his hand pulling him onto the bed

he let out an exclaim of surprise as he landed with an oof on the bed

you acted quickly and wrapped your arms around his waist

you laid half of your body on top of his and stared down at him

his face was red as he stared up at you

“i hate it when you do that”

you laughed again as you rested your chin on his chest

“you love it and you know it”

he just rolled his eyes and the two of you continued to talk to each other while lying like that

hwiyoung locked his hands around your waist while you talked about your idea of getting a new puppy

“will you name it after me?” 

you gushed at his pout and squished his cheeks together

“youre too cute”

you loved how adorable he was and you hoped that he stayed this adorable forever

~Kang Chanhee~

fluffy fluff boy

deserves all the love in the world

supes awk

but tries to act confident around you because well

the boys make fun of him about you

our lil actor boy will be super chill about it as long as youre in the room

but the minute you leave

will whine and complain to his members

so one day when you randomly walked into the dorm and they were all there

you didnt hesitate to walk over to chani on the couch and plop down next to him 

you wrapped one arm around his waist and rested your head on his shoulder

you let out a small sigh and relaxed yourself into his body

the boys didnt say anything but they all had smiles on their faces as the two of you were in your own little world

chani slipped his hand into yours as the two of you continued to talk about your days

“when are you going to teach me your new routine?”

chani laughed and kissed the top of your head

“whenever youre ready”

he smiled when you let out a little yawn

“come on, lets go to bed”

you sat up and stood on your feet following him into his room

you plopped onto his bed and he laid down next to you

“will you sing for me?” 

he let out a tiny giggle before nodding

once the two of you were comfortable he began to sing quietly until your head lulled to the side 

once he knew you were sleeping he hugged you closer loving the fact that you were so close to him

[summercurial]

hi im here for advice or at least the way you put things is sometimes illuminating and if you are so inclined your take would be interesting!

so I've got an internet best friend who I've been sexting with since six years ago (not all the time). during that time he has been occasionally concerned that i am too romantically into him, which is Not True - romantic relationship is completely off the cards for multiple reasons

I'm gonna be visiting his city soon for unrelated reasons and like. How do I ask "wanna fuck irl while I'm there" without making it sound like I'm going there specifically to fuck him, which I think might scare him off slightly.

Also there is a high possibility that he doesn't actually want to fuck irl because he's married and will need permission from his wife. And also I dated his brother for several years and he might find it weird to be physical after that. Idk!!! AAA.

hmm, i mean, i guess to me a big part of it feels like trust? like, if you make it clear like "im here for unrelated reasons, but if you want im down to fuck (i didnt like, come here to fuck. i promise)" i FEEL like that should be enough given youve known each other for so long? but yeah, i mean, i think you should be unsurprised if you get a no, given all the factors. i figure carpe diem u know? its certainly not like, *inappropriate* to offer it. (i assume his wife knows abt the sexting?). i mean, six years and best friend should be enough that this is ok, yknow! maybe make it clear to him the reasons why you really arent like, tryna date? i feel like. you should be able to be open to each other

[shoutsofmybones]

hey there! im sort of new to this whole catholic thing (was baptised as a baby but thats as far as i got lol) im wondering if u have any tips for prayer? im never really sure if im doing it right/if anyone is even listening. what am i actually supposed to be doing during prayer???? are there specific things to recite??? all i know is our father and hail mary 😭 im nowhere near ready to start going to church (if i ever do) and felt like prayer was a good starting point so any advice would be v appreciated. sorry if youve been asked this before! ur blog has been super helpful, as an lgbt+ person returning to faith, so thank u! hope ur having a great day :) amen

hello! i would recommend a few things:

1. A simple morning prayer. I actually only got into praying in the morning last summer after reading Simone Weil’s spiritual autobiography, and it’s pretty awesome. I literally just say an Our Father or two each morning and I feel like it sets up my day to be a good day. A lot of people pray at night, and I do too, but opening the day with prayer is really nice.

2. Getting familiar with the Rosary. When I don’t know what to say during prayer, I’ll honestly just set an intention and pray the Rosary once or twice. While you’re starting out, you can always follow along to someone else - I recommend A Rosary Companion on Spotify, because it has like a million different soothing background tracks for each day of the week and I like it a lot. I listen to A Rosary Companion sometimes when I’m having a bad day and can’t trust myself to stay on track for the whole thing. It looks intimidating, but it takes under 20 minutes and it’s a good way to stay on track with your prayer life.

3. Unstructured prayer. In Catholicism we focus on highly structured prayers a lot, and those are really good, but it can actually be really nice to just sit around and contemplate God. There’s nothing you’re really *supposed* to do with unstructured prayer, so there’s not really a danger of getting it wrong. All you have to do is find a quiet moment, and pray. Sometimes I’ll open with an Our Father or something, let that prayer sit in my mind, and then my mind wander. It’s interesting -- sometimes, when you let your mind go where it will in a prayerful space, you can reach really profound moments.

Probably ninety percent of the time, I don’t feel an answer, per se. There’s a sense of joy inspired by the Holy Spirit, but that seems to come from within me, and doesn’t really feel like God answering me. So don’t worry if it feels like you’re talking into a void. That’s what a lot of prayer is. It’s trusting that God hears you, even when He doesn't respond. But sometimes, you’ll hear God's answer, and it's so awesome (in every sense of the word) that it makes it all worth it.

[hunbomb]

roommate! jaemin

i hope u guys like this one! i do :) 

warning: not proofread LMAO

jaemin: a huge flirt

like we been knew sis okay bUt its not like it defines him ya kno??? like yes he is a flirt but its not like he does it purposely

however that doesn’t stop every single girl from liking him

except for u cause you’re ~not like other girls~

jk you are 

cause who wouldn’t find na jaemin attractive?? tf???

okay but like the dealio between you and jaemin is that you are best friends 

and you have a fat crush on him (u have since the beginning of highschool LOL)

luckily for you, although jaemin is a flirt, he isnt interested in any girls so he doesnt bring any to your dorm

and even if he did, he would tell u because it would be shitty not to 

anyway

so u met in grade nine and yalls friendship popped TF off right away like you joined nomins duo and made it a trio in the span of 4 months and everyone was like???? this mf got that close to them that fast???? mastery

jeno was like ur brother from another mother fr

you and him told eachother everything and sometimes he would tell you things he wouldnt even tell jaemin. like everyone has those people that although theyre close w, there are some things you’d never tell and that goes for jeno and jaemin

jaemin never told jeno he listens to taylor swift

and jeno never told jaemin that he watched all of my little pony friendship is magic on netflix

but since you and jeno shared some personal things w eachother, you obviously told him about your crush on jaemin

and since you had a crush on jaemin, you never got like super super close with him just cause ur feels got in the way 

mainly just you never got as close to jaemin as you did jeno

sure you were bffs, but it wasn’t on such an intimate level

cause everytime jaemin would look your way you’d be gasping for air

so timeskip to senior year

everything is great

your friendship is still strong af and you guys are all planning for post secondary

jaemin and you get into the same uni right.... and jeno gets into the one the town over so your friendship wont take that much damage

but!!! jaemin wants to room with you!!! and ur like!! fucufejdsk!!!

cause like ofc you want to who wouldnt????? but you have such a massisve crush on him you dont want it to get in the way of not only yours but also jaemins university experience

you say yes tho and next thing you know youre unpacking all your stuff

the dorm is kind of small like there isnt a lot of space,,,,, theres two bedrooms but the beds literally take out the whole room HAHHAHA and then there is a chill space with the kitchen connected and u and jaemin have to share a washroom LOL

“jaemin what the FUCK did you eat??? beans??? i bet it was beans this shit smells so bad i-”

“it really do be ya own friends sometimes” -jaemin 2020 :((((((

anyway so like university life is good you and jaemin invite jeno over every weekend for a sleepover and vice versa its so cute GAH

but like,,,, here’s where the drama comes in

one day you are facetiming jeno and youre telling him about how you really like jaemin and blah blah ya know the usual

and youre not really looking at the screen cause youre doing your homework and focusing on that but jeno sees in the back that jaemin has fully entered the room

and you dont notice cause hes silent and your still talking but jeno is trying to get your attention UDHSJIA

and when he does you see in your part of the screen jaemin just,,,, standing there

cue you ending the call with jeno SO FAST and turning around like oH i thought you had classes right now?

“.... they ended early”

“i see” ://////////

you like get up super fast and just walk around him and go into your roomm shutting the door 

poor jaemin is just like “what”

cause to be honest he never really considered this situation ever happening yah he thought you were prettier than most girls and he liked the way you were able to talk to people so easily but he never would have thought you harboured feelings for him

so he kind of just leaves it be cause he knows that you def dont want to talk about it and is willing to wait for you to be the one who brings it up

so time skip to dinner youre both just eating in silence but you dont like it,,,

“what i said was true” you say and jaemin looks up and he knows where this convo is going but he lets you speak

“i didnt ever plan on telling you because i really like our friendship but i guess i wasn’t careful enough”

your heart is beating hella fast but you try to look unbothered and its going pretty good until jaemin asks you something

“how long have you felt this way?”

OKAY like it shouldnt be a big deal to tell him bc you already exposed yourself but for some reason that question just hit you deep cause you realized that youve liked him for so long and he never felt the same ya know

“i dont know,,, since the start of highschool? when we became friends i always thought you were cute and it just turned into a full blown crush”

jaemin just sort of nods in response “oh okay”

so that night your just laying in your bed full of regrets

you know things are about to be super duper awkward between you and jaemin and you wish it didnt have to be like that

so over the next couple of weeks its more awkward than it has ever been before and the sleepovers with jeno seem so divided 

its either jeno and you or jeno and jaemin its never the three of you anymore :((((((

jaemin isn’t ignoring your feelings though, dont worry! hes just trying to sort his out

because your confession kind of opened his eyes

he doesnt want to force himself to like you but he cant help but admit that when he first heard you talking about your feelings a huge warmth spread through his chest and he may or may not have uncovered some feelings

these feelings were always there but he suppressed in grade nine cause he thought you’d never like him and you just wanted to stay friends

so he pushed them down and never thought about it again

but obviously that didnt happen because now youre on his mind 24/7 and he wishes that he could just talk to you but hes kind of nervous

so after taking advice from jeno he tries to talk to you more, like asking how your day went and starting up conversations

youre  kind of like “what u playing at son” but you leave it cause you know jaemin would never do you dirty like that

it stays this way for a while until one night theres a particularly bad thunderstorm and jaemin is scared of thunder

and so when youre just playing on your phone jaemin opens your door slightly and has this scared look on his face

and you know that jaemin is scared of thunder so you open your arms without any words being shared

a huge boom of thunder makes jaemin squeal and jump into your arms

and he gets comfy under the covers as youre holding him, no words shared between you two

he starts to feel much better and this sense of comfort washes over him like,,, youre his home

and as hes falling asleep he softly mutters

“im sorry it took me so long”

and youre just straight confused like what does that mean is he talking about his feelings or just the fact that yall havent had such an close encounter in a while 

the next morning you wake up and jaemins arms and you guys are facing eachother

and hes already awake so when you oepn your eyes you find him already looking at you

“thank you for last night, youre the best” he whispers and youre like all good fam i understand

but then he leans in closer and is like “i should have told you this so long ago, but i am in love with you”

your eyes widen and youre like wh AT the FUCJ your heart is beating at like 420 bpm and ur shooketh

he just smiles and pulls in you in closer and its just a super soft moment and no words have to be said

that night you guys are cuddling on the couch after dinner when jaemin just asks you be his gf

OF COURSE YOU SAY YES! you have been waiting for this moment for god knows how long

jeno is all like damn fina-fucking-ly i’ve been watching this romance play out for like 5 years! 

its super cute

its even better that you guys are roommates because youre already living together so you get to see eachother everyday

jaemins room as become a guest room for sorts as he now shares a bed with you

jenos happy af hes like YESSS I DONT NEED TO SLEEP WITH JAEMIN IN OUR SLEEPOVERS ANYMORE

jaemin: >:(((((( tf is that supposed to mean

you just laugh and youre like im not complaining hahaha and jaemins heart just stutters so bad 

he really does love you and he cant believe it took him so long to accept his feelings

and one night he tells you about how he pushed them down and youre like “exCUSE ME we could have been dating all this time u pussy”

sad jaemin :((((( 

anyway ya its so good its a win-win situation 

you get to room with the love of your life and its just magical there are so many soft moments between you two and just UGH relationship goals

i need me a jaemin

[youarerageandserenity]

Borderlands Foam Wig Tutorial (Tyreen)

I was chatting with the lovely @void-noises-exe​ and it eventually circled around to offering to make a wig tutorial because you don’t see too terribly many, just thought I’d throw mine out ( especially because It was next to impossible to find good references of a foam version of Ty’s hair.) So this will be for foam wigs in general but Tyreen’s hair specifically (with a few pics of my Fiona wig from tales as well because they better accentuate my points) I didn’t plan on making this so I am missing a few pictures that might be helpful but here we go. This will not be short.

Supplies: 

-Craft foam (ideally, in small and XL sheets, but you can make do with whatever size you have available) 

- Spray paint as close to the BASE color of the wig you need (for Ty I used white, for Fiona a medium brown) ideally in a matte. 

- a FUCKLOAD of paints (i use cheap acrylics from the craft store ) in Black, and then several shades of the colors in the hair. (For Fiona i used i think four browns? Tyreens shaved sides have three browns, and the top had an additional yellow-brown i mixed) try to vary them in darkness levels to add depth.

- multiple paint brushes. I like to use around four or five of varying sizes and hardness levels.

- plenty Hot glue, and a hot glue gun (note: you COULD use other typres of adhesive, I like hot glue because its got great hold on foam, it sets FAST and worst case scenario I can take a hair dryer to it and melt it again if I need something to be undone.)

- scissors

- duct tape

-plastic wrap

-sharpie

-wig head

-Plenty of reference images

(optional supplies include a rotary cutter and or exacto-knife [trust me, itll make your life so much easier] ,  and patience. )

SO to start

1) Put your hair in a wig cap or however you plan on wearing it under your wig. Wrap your whole hair bit of your head in plastic wrap. Make sure you get over your ears and the baby hairs on your neck if you want to keep them. 

2) Wrap all the plastic covered bits in duct tape. This is easier for a friend to do on you, but not impossible to do alone, just make sure to get it all. It should be snug. Make sure you get as far down the back of your neck and down your sideburn area as you can. (Most characters have a bit of fringe hanging down in the back so its not the BIGGEST concern for them, but Ty’s got nada so you’re gonna want some good coverage for your hair line.) 

3) Take your sharpie and draw an outline of where your ear is, and along the hairline you’d like your wig to have. For short haired characters you dont want to cut too far behind the ear or your hair will peek out, so I like to underestimate how big my ear is and adjust as needed later. Dont make your wig hairline too high either, particularly if you’re making a wig for a character who has no fringe in the front. 

4) Take that bad boy off and cut along your outlines. Try it on again, adjust lines as needed. rinse and repeat. 

5) once you reach a semi-accurate mold of your head, you’re gonna wanna take it off and cut AT LEAST 4 (front, back, and both sides (I like to do 8, it will lay flatter) sections,coming to a point at the crown of your head. It should come out looking something like this. NOTE : they’re all still connected in the middle. If you’re doing 8, cut each of these 4 in half. )

6) Lay out your foam beneath this. If you dont have a piece of foam big enough to trace this bad boy onto, what I do is literally just break out the hot glue gun a bit early, glue a couple pieces together along the edges, until i get a nice big connected surface. Trace this guy on there as accurately as you can, cut it out, and then glue all your sides together. Now you should have a foam version of your duct tape hat. 

(Dont worry if the sides wont stay down, if you’re doing a character like Ty where thats an issue, we’ll get to that part later. ) 

7) (Optional but VERY helpful) Grab your wig head, and your duct tape head. Tape the duct tape back together and put something in it to make it hold shape, I use poly-fil. Tape the head-form to the wig head, and put your little foam cap on top of that. 

8)  Time to get creative. You’re gonna want to start from the bottom layers first. For Tyreen that’s the long fringe and her undercut. The strategy I decided on was to take a few large rectangular strips of foam, and lay them out everywhere I wanted the undercut to be and cut along the edges to match the hairline. I don’t have a picture of this exact point in the process but I have one from the beginning of the next step. Really the only thing to note at this point is obviously, your head is round and rectangles are not, for the curves where it sticks up along the edges, cut down where it sticks up in a little triangle and hot glue the ends together (you can sort of see this at the top left in the picture below). Dont worry about seams at this point, we’ll hide them later. 

9) This was not the case for Fiona who has very flat hair ( especially because of her hat) but Tyreen has a lot of volume especially towards the front of her head. For hair pieces that need volume, such as the ones that are glued down here, cut two of the exact same foam piece (i like to do them in little waves like the side, but also just a little arch is good for volume without flips such as the front piece) and glue the matching edges together. Make sure the hair triangle is facing the way youd like it to! Then Flatten out the top as much as you can, the bottom will keep the volume and the top ill be able to be covered by “2D” hair pieces. 

(NOTE: Honestly, it’s REALLY difficult to end up with an exact copy of cannon, and I ALLLLWAYS get carried away with the spikes. In the end, go by your reference images, but also follow your heart. Cosplay is half about having fun creating. )

10) Once youve started gluing, make sure to keep in mind where your part is (if you have one). For Fiona i didn’t trust myself so I glued in the hair at the part BEFORE anything, and left them ready to be glued down while I worked my way up to them. 

NOTE: All the hair at the parts of BOTH wigs is a single piece of foam.You want a nice wide base whenever possible to cover up the seams of all of the other edges of the hair. For your part, Carefully glue along the very end of your strip of foam and stick it down. It will be the last piece to be glueddown on top of everything else to make it look nice and clean. 

11) Slowly start working your way around the head, gluing down first anything that will need to be covered (3D pieces and bottom pieces) before getting towards the top where youll need to be more strategic about what is going down and what can cover your edges. I’d definitely recommend mixing 2D and 3D pieces if that’s something you want to experiment with, otherwise, such as in the pic below, it is possible to get volume from a 2D piece, simply by gluing it in a way where it wont lie flat against the head. 

12) in the picture above you can also catch a glimpse of Ty’s cow lick. Those are done exactly the same as our 3D pieces from before, only you trace the edges of the open end, and should end up with a triangular third side to be glued in, then just glue along the edges just like the hair part. 

13) Dont feel you have to overdo how many pieces the hair has, remember you may also paint in pieces and designs when it comes to the line-art! 

14) Once you’ve added everything from the bottom that you’d like to, go ahead and glue down your hair-part. 

15) So, obviously, I wasn’t a big fan of Tyreen’s undercut just being flat foam across half my head. So I took an exacto to it for what felt like years. REALLY over-do it on the edges, it’ll get rid of that harsh foam line and give it a little more of a natural blend. Also pay special attention to all of your seams in the foam. The more distressing there is there, the less youll be able to spot lines later. 

16) So once you have the overall structure of your wig and you’re thinking you might be happy with this, its spray paint time. (I’d recommend disposable gloves for this, you’re gonna need to maneuver it every which way to get the pain in every cranny and that paint does NOT like to come off easy.)  Theres really not much advice I can offer on it, just be patient, and do a couple layers, spray it from every angle and let it dry completely before moving on to the next step unless youre as impatient as I am and dont mind ruining a few paintbrushes. 

17) So, like the Fiona pic a few back or this one here, you should have a fairly flat evenly painted foam sculpture. Now is around the time you might start seeing all the inaccuracies in what you’ve made. You gotta push past that it’ll look great I promise. Time to get really creative. 

18) for Ty I started by painting the buzzed bits in a base brown, and started in on the line art and her roots while i waited for it to dry before going in with two more colors of brown for depth. 

19) For her roots I ended up using three colors. Black at the very bottom (which blends into the line art) a dark brown that matches more or less the buzz, and then after the fact, a custom yellowed-brown to blend better into the white and give us a little more texture. For this and the rest of the cel-shading in the hair, dab your brush before painting and try to mostly stick to light strokes in one direction (OR: if you have one, a particularly hard bristled paint brush does wonders for this) you don’t want the ends of your strokes to be too defined. 

20) Outline the edges of the hair and all prominent pieces, particularly the hot-glue seams, itll make them less noticable. (dont forget the little animation squiggles for Ty’s sides) and beyond that-- honestly, black out to your hearts content. These pics are from when I thought I’d finished. I really felt I’d over detailed. The next day I looked at a picture and realized there is always WAY more texture and outlining than I feel like I see. Honestly, you cant really over-do it, especially with fine solid black lines. 

21) The next day I came back at it with the yellowed-brown and LOTS more solid black lines. (Currently in the process of taming down where I got too excessive with the spikes on the side) 

22) Once it’s all dried, time to try on. Here’s where we address if you have a short haired character, and the edges of your wig just wont stay down -- invest in a little theatrical grade spirit gum. It’s not too terribly expensive, and unfortunately, I tried the cheaper halloween makeup kind, and it just wont hold how you need it too (and please for my sake, also make sure you get spirit gum remover) I took some hair gel (you could also use elmers glue) just to glue up as much of my hair as I could on the sides and the back of my neck to keep them from the spirit gum, and dabbed it along all of the prominent edges of the wig (namely, side and back) wait for it to get a little tacky and stick that MF-er down good. 

Aaaaand Voila??? 

Let me know if I missed any steps? Its fairly simple, once you get going -- just time consuming.