#amazingly written sure and a very interesting character but a HORRIBLE person)

[whatohitsonfirewelp]

Oh some of you are actually fucking horrible people.

In what world is it okay to degrade someone for their looks???

If you don’t like a character, an actor, a writer, anyone, fine.

But you don’t fucking degrade them for their looks???

[thetypedwriter]

The Music of What Happens Book Review

The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg Book Review 

I don’t think I like this book. 

I know that’s a strong statement right off the bat, but it’s mostly true. However, there was also something about it that I didn’t quite hate and, as usual, I will try my very best to put forth both the positives and the negatives of this read into some sort of subjective semblance of rationality. 

Now, firstly I’d like to thank @chapterhappy98​ for the recommendation. I love getting book recommendations (just not when people actually buy me books-see previous reviews) and this one seemed totally up my alley. 

For a novel I’d never heard of before it had a lot of components that excited me. An LGBTQ+ romance? I’m here for it. One of the main characters being half-Mexican and half-white? Love the representation. A cute plot centered around summer and food trucks? Yes, please. 

All the ingredients were there for a good book, but the way the book was written, the perspective of the characters, and the characters themselves made this a slog for me. On paper, this should have been lauded as a cute fluffy novel with some very deep feels, but instead I found it tedious, aggravating, and thankful that it was at least short. 

The positives are everything I mentioned above. The plot itself is cute. Food truck summer romance is not a plot I’ve read before, but it's original enough to be intriguing and cute enough to be endearing. High quality fanfiction fodder right here. 

Although the representation could have been better, it was sufficient. I enjoyed the fact that Max’s mother was Mexican while his father was a whiter-than-toast comedian from Indiana. Both Max and Jordan have friends who are white and friends who are not and I enjoyed that Konigsberg portrayed the distinct friend groups as such and that moments of race do come up. 

For example, like when Jordan suggests they steal prickly pears from people’s yards and Max shuts it down before the idea can even coalesce because a white boy stealing pears from yards is a hooligan move, a Mexican kid stealing pears from yards is a crime. 

Small introspective moments like this were very interesting and added a layer of reality to the novel that I appreciated. On this same route, both Max and Jordan, our two main characters with revolving perspectives, are going through some deep trauma and while it wasn’t amazingly handled, I did appreciate moments towards the end where Konigsberg actually has the characters face what they are going through and take appropriate routes to fix them or start the healing process (acceptance, counseling, etc). 

By no means did I think the book handled sensitive topics such as rape, addiction, bullying, and self-esteem issues well, but at the very least, most of the issues were adequately addressed and on the right path towards healing and rehabilitation which is more than I can say for some other novels. 

Now, for the negatives. Buckle up, people. 

First off, the writing. 

I found it abhorrent. I don't know if this is just Konigsberg’s style of writing, but it did not vibe with me at all. I found his writing and dialogue superfluous, cheesy, and gag-inducing. 

To me, this is not how real people talk, think, or interact, but instead a grown ass man’s idea of how teenagers think, talk, and interact. It made me truly wonder if Konigsberg has actually ever met a teenager in his life. 

As a high school teacher, I interact with teenagers on a daily basis. I know how they talk and interact, and through their journals and papers, I can generally grasp at least a preview into how they think. 

It’s like Konigsberg took every adolescent stereotype that exists and stuffed it onto his pages with mediocre words and subpar humor. The Music of What Happens is a pantomime of the teenage experience and I found it extremely irritating. 

Secondly, the perspectives of both Jordan and Max are maddening and irksome, although Jordan more so I have to admit. Both of these characters suffer from what I call “Woe is Me” syndrome. This is the idea that making a character have a sad or tragic backstory or circumstances also makes them deep and complex. 

This is so far from the truth it hurts. 

Trauma and tragedies are not simply fodder to build a cheap and easy way for a character or a plot to build depth. It should be handled with care, with consequences, and with other characteristics built in that are reasonable and befitting of the whole character. Both Max and Jordan were almost laughably tragic. 

Max’s parents split up, and while his mom Rosa is the MVP of the book, his dad is nothing more than a useless caricature of the absentee father, so much so that when Max admits to his sexual assault his dad does nothing, but makes a joke and talks about a stand-up routine he has coming up. 

Jordan is much, much worse. This boy is the most self-deprecating, pitying thing I have ever read.

 (Spoilers ahead for the novel and Jordan’s circumstances). 

His friends who he calls his “wives” (cue eye roll) bully him, his mother is a gambling addict with bipolar disorder, he believes he killed his father by giving him a heart attack on his sick bed, and he’s about to be homeless unless he can make money from his dad’s old food truck and save his mortgage. 

It’s absolutely ridiculous. 

I’m not trying to make light of these issues, but the way Konigsberg handled these characters went like this: “Hmmmm how can I make interesting teenagers? I know! Let’s make everything in their life miserable. Yes, that will make readers care!”

In case you were wondering, no, it didn’t work. 

Just because Jordan and Max are tragic characters did not mean I cared for them or even liked them. If the idea was to build complexity and sympathy that absolutely failed. If anything, I felt frustrated by the circumstances, vexed by the way both boys handled their issues, and galled at how the surrounding world allowed it to happen. 

In addition, going back to the idea that Konigsberg has never met a single teenager in his life, both Max and Jordan fell into such archetypal teenage tropes that I felt my teeth rotting. 

They fell in love after hanging out twice, their reasons for liking each other were abysmal and perfunctory, and if anything, the only reason I actually saw these two working in any way was simply because they were both the only other gay person they knew, which is not even an adequate component. 

The romance felt strained and uncomfortable and the “dates” they went on made me laugh with absurdity. Picking up stuffed animals at midnight to put them at the front of the zoo? Who does that? I didn’t find it charming, I didn’t find it unique, and I didn’t find it cute. 

I found it odd and unrealistic. 

Which, at the end of the day, is what irked me about this book the most: it was unrealistic. 

You might say: “Typedwriter! That’s unfair! You read about vampires and fairies and all sorts of fantasy creatures and worlds!”

You’re right, I do. But fantasy and unrealism are not synonyms. Fantasy I love. Even within fantasy worlds there needs to be rules and order. There are still expectations and realistic behaviors and laws that govern fictional creatures and lands. 

For a novel that is supposed to depict real life and real teenagers The Music of What Happens edges on the side of surreal for me. Surreal is also fine if that is the targeted result. 

In Konigsberg’s case, however, I don’t believe that was the intention. I got the feeling that Konigsberg wanted this to be a real and deep portrayal of love and adolescence and instead I found it ludicrous and nonsensical. 

Everything about this book bordered on nonsensical. Two boys running a food truck without any knowledge or prior experience and ending up making thousands of dollars? Okayyyyy, sure. Jordan’s mother’s behavior, gambling addiction, and speech? Preposterous. The way Max and Jordan talked to each other and their friends? Almost like a robot’s depiction of how they think humans communicate. 

At the end of the day, this book’s unrealistic look at life, love, relationships, trauma, and consequences ruined it for me. It’s certainly not the worst thing I’ve ever read, but most of this book was just a mindless jumble of words that didn’t form a proper connection to me as a reader. 

As listed above, not everything was horrible and I’m not trying to make it out like it was, but for the most part, I didn’t enjoy this book as I stated from the beginning. 

As always, this is just my opinion. I still love that it was recommended and I mean no harm to anyone who does love this book. Perhaps if I was a young teenager I would have connected more with the self-deprecating monologues and pity parties. Perhaps if I wasn't so skeptical I could actually believe two sixteen-year olds could pull off a food truck success, but alas I’m not and I couldn’t. 

If this book brought out tender feelings and emotions for you, however, I am glad because isn’t that why we read? 

Unfortunately, this was not the case for me for The Music of What Happens. 

Recommendation: Unrealistic everything made this book toiling drudgery for me. Take the idea of a cute summer romance on a food truck, apply it to your favorite fandom and OTP for a Valentine's Day prompt, and then happily move on with your life without having the need to pick up The Music of What Happens. 

Score: 3/10

[quackspot]

i started thinking about that gay bastard oc of yours. platano. can u tell me about him

omg u wer thinkgin about platano..... mr banana man... mr 4011. i am obsessed with the banana code srry i just got back from work (it was good :-D)

any way. um. im going below the cut. he kidnaps people and he murders people and i hate him because he’s also a massive weeb so. hm

HISTORY OF PLATANO... yea his name is spanish for banana

his father, pablo, will probably get a name change someday but i literally never think of his father since the only thing he did in platano’s backstory was disappear 

since platano’s world has characters based off like. fruits and vegetables (there aren’t really any limit to what the characters are based off of. it was in my lazy google translate name phase so we have like... a gay character named arcenciel who becomes dadlike through my powerful canon-changing touch. also arcenciel wears the colors of the rainbow as often as he can i haven’t figured out a good design for him since i’m not used to using more than 5 colors. he also owns a hat factory)

i think arcenciel and platano are friends they met when platano was like. 17 probably and arcenciel would be around uhhhhh ummmmmmm 21??? idk man but in canon he’s probably around 30 . yes i m saying “in canon” because i wrote a really dumb and horrible story back in 2018 arcenciel used to have HUGE internalized homophobia and i turned that into a running joke and i dislike that so that’s a reason why i’m not sharing the fun little story i wrote for my friends

(the best part of that story is when arcenciel threw his light-up rainbow heelies at platano, thus starting the boss fight which the main cast LOST.)

ok back to the topic at hand. platano.

i have a whole doc named platano where i just wrote drabbles about him so i’m going to summarize them

the first one was his friend, percisi (my only cishet oc he’s very short and very aggressive while also dressing in a soft-colored turtleneck since he’s based off of peaches) using a misunderstood form of satanism to summon satan. guess what percisi and platano summoned satan for. it was a manga update! wow

i won’t say the mangas name it was an inside joke

so platano was like “hey satan can i have this manga now please please” and satan went “sure just kill people for me” 

that determined platanos job for the next 7 or so years <3 wonderful. 

(it was basically me writing a backstory for a scene to happen in the main writing i wrote for my friends. he killed someone because someone else in the building was trying to summon satan. very confusing but okay i guess.)

i think right after that i wrote about platano meeting his boyfriend, sage, for the first time. i have horribly mixed feelings about their relationship since it’s very. Hm.

so platano kidnaps people to watch anime with him because all his friends left him and his best friend, mangue, is too busy being a dictator over the Land of the Fruits. i shit you not fruits oppressed the vegetables. i wrote that dynamic between the two because i was learning about the revolutionary war in US History. something like that at least

(the Land of the Fruits is not the official name)

on the topic of kidnapping people. guess who his favorite person was. sage. it was sage. so he tried to take sage often but they probably discussed Proper boundaries since everyone else tried to run away. hmm i am now going to write a bit right now 

“Platano,” Sage started. “Why do you keep kidnapping me? It’s rude and I hate it.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” The yellow-haired fool leaned on his sword, digging the tip deeper into the ground. 

“ASK ME IF I WANT TO HANG OUT??” 

“I can do that?”

“You keep making my dads worried.” Sage looked around the area, fidgeting with his hands. 

“Oh. Okay. Want to hang out? Watch some anime?” Platano paused for a moment, but managed to say “Maybe kiss?” before Sage got to answer.

“I- KISS??? We can watch anime together. We can go now.” 

Sage ushered Platano through a portal as fast as he could. 

His dads were never worried.

hmmm maybe that’s alright idk i’m a little tired so it’s probably a little out of character. sage probably isn’t that loud but i think it was trying to be the dynamic of “oh, we’re not dating” when they kiss every sunday at 5 pm by a romantic river scene 

he’s a character who is, at his very core, horrible and bad. he is portrayed in a way i DESPISE but i’m too lazy to correct it. his interest in sage actually started with me going “hmm i think platano would draw sage like this” then sauce giving me fun facts about his oc, sage, yea sage is sauce’s oc <3 epic win . so sauce gave me fun facts about sage and i was like “time to doodle these in platanos ‘art style’” when in reality it’s just the mockery of people just getting into an anime art style, with the chin so pointy it could cut a cake 

i might reread my old writing from 2018. i gotta agree with the judges for that year i did not write very well

it mightve actually been made in 2017 which would be FUCKIN CRAZY im gonna check rn 

yea it was started in 2018. february 14th... huh . finished it completely in june of that year it was 41 pages total and it’s not even double spaced how did i write something without double spacing it

OH MY GOD BOB IS GOING TO HIJACK THIS RANT JUST FOR A LITTLE

so bob is a fluffy little anthro cloud with a grey top hat and bowtie. he is amazing. i love bob. bob is another one of sauce’s character and mangue (mentioned earlier) was made by my friend jamie 

(you can always ask for their tumblrs but i’d ask them if its okay to share their tumblrs. i might just look at them and reblog their stuff cuz i like their art!!! maybe jamie posted a drawing she made recently on her blog but tbh i don’t think she would she’s more of a twitter user)

ok so im skimming thru UMG which is the story it stands for “Universe of Magic Gardens” and it was originally made for a prank on ponytown so people would go “what’s UMG” and my friends and i would be like “ur mom gay xDDDDDD” or something like that . horrible but i’m glad i’ve changed from . that.

here’s a bit i actually like AKLJFISJFIO

“What the actual FUCK, Ilkie?!” Arcenciel cringed in fear. “Put it back- it’s too ugly.” He pointed at Platano, whose arms were crossed. 

why is it bolded. anyway.

i just saw a part where eau used y’all... water cowboy moments <333 i really need to make refs for all of those old characters. all of my umg-related characters have to be my oldest-living ocs. 

i cant believe this is making me genuinely reread my old writing just to go “WJHFSIDAJKSFIOJ WTF????” 

some of the lines on it sound like something you would hear on like. a school bus or somethin 

looking at umg like “wtf how did i add so much Meat to this writing” bc most of my writing now is mostly quotations to progress the story (like the quickie i wrote earlier. i could add meat to it but im  tired lol)

OK THIS IS MORE GENERAL BUT MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THIS WAS WRITING HAIKUS FOR PORTALS. after you visit a place enough times it’s kind of just an instinct to open a portal there so you don’t have to recite a haiku 

uhh ok here’s another bit becuase im feeling like living la vida loca.  ur biggest regret should be “can you tell me about him” by this point bc i’ve written too much to go back now

He landed on his face once he was outside of the hat. Meko quickly walked over to the guest room, opened the Portals for Dummies book, and flipped to a page. It looked devious.

“Banana, mango,

Each tasting amazingly.

A taste of evil.” 

Meko did the dance on the page, it consisted of something that looks like it’s from an anime. A portal opened, the familiar scent of bananas and mangoes coming from it. With some hesitation, Meko stepped in. He quickly made it so only his head peeked in.

it wasnt bolded this time but i like it bolded. ok i understand how i added meat it was just shitty expired meat ALKFSJSHDAIUJKFEIODSJAK . it wasnt even that much meat DAMN. it just looked like more.

actually that’s all i will write. i could  do more w platano but yea at his base he is a blonde twink who kills people because he wanted a manga but now he’s friends with a dictator. woo! wow. amazing character writing. i cant wait to get motivation to rewrite everything and make platano a good villain (he will still be very interested in anime sadly. idk why around that time i liked making characters who were obsessed with anime i didn’t even watch it much myself. i think it was because i wanted to put capes on them)

[serahne-is-here]

I hate Ronpa with a passion but love Death Note even though I feel that both are trying to be same thing? The difference is: almost every character in Death Note is either bland, either a horrible person - and this is why I was able to enjoy all those awesome mental chess games, not caring about what happens to any of the people involved. Ironically, what completely ruined Ronpa for me is... its characters actually being loveable. Does this make sense to you?

Hi anon !

So, I’m not sure I can relate to you hating Danganronpa for obvious reasons - I do love it with passion, despite the fact that this is a complete mess - however, I think I kind of see where you’re coming from ?

Death Note actually doesn’t tell you how to feel about the characters. It focuses on telling a compelling story, it does it amazingly, and then you can decide for yourself how you feel about this or this character, and whatever your feelings are will not impact how good the story is, and how well the characters are written.

You can enjoy Death Note whether L is your favorite character ever, or if you can’t stand him as a human being. You can enjoy Light’s scheme, whether you see him as a tragic figure who lost his way, or as a complete sociopath. And honestly... that’s so good ? I love being free to feel whatever I want to. Yes, tell me a story, but don’t hold my hand emotionally through it telling me ‘oh, be sad for this character’, or ‘oh, you should hate this character’.

With Danganronpa, subteltly is dead, and the game will always tell you exactly how to feel about a character or a situation. I would still put the first game a bit appart, as it has some interesting moments that worked very well for me - Sayaka, Leon, Celes - but with the last two games... good god.

I think both Trial 4 in DR2 and NDRV3 are the best example of it, as everyone is crying over the poor murderers and I’m just like... you do realize they were trying to kill you all, right ? I don’t think that Gundham is a cinnamon roll or that Gonta is a poor baby who deserved better, but the game clearly wants me to, and that’s a bit annoying.

It’s also true with characters like Nagito or Kokichi, where the game is like ‘aren’t they interesting ? don’t you want to know more about them ? aren’t they cool grey characters ? and aren’t THEY TERRIFYING’ and it’s so unsubtle, that it’s really a hit or miss : for me it worked for Nagito - but god do I pity the people who were tired of him after the first chapter, haha - but not completely with Kokichi.

So maybe I’m wrong, but I think that’s a part of your annoyance with DR. That you can’t just enjoy terrible people being terrible in peace because the game will not let you alone until you cry for them. I might be wrong though, if you have anything to add, don’t hesitate.

[asterisquebloomed]

Follow Forever

I seen a few of these before, and I thought what with the year ending, perhaps this was a good idea to do in commemoration of these past two years. I know I haven’t been the most active of RP partners. I’m really slow and my motivation is fickle, but I love RPing, I love writing, and I’ll never give it up, it brings me so much joy writing with everyone. So in honor of all that has happened, and as wish for more to come, here are some words of gratitude to some of my partners, friends, and mutuals.

@breakingreality

Avo, where do I even start with you? Oh I know, that you’re fucking amazing? Is that a good place to start? It better be, because here we go.

You are my best friend out of all the people I’ve met here in these last two years. I love talking to you, gushing about our characters, scheming and plotting future threads, teasing you with unanswered questions and unsolved mysteries, teasing you in general really, and just talking about whatever may cross my mind at the time. You’re easy to talk to, easy to get along with, and super friendly. I’m so happy to have met you and made friends with you, you have no idea. I’ll fucking fight anyone who dares talk shit about you. You’re understanding, smart, clever as fuck, and are one of the most enjoyable people to talk to. You’re a great writer, a great creator, and an even greater friend. I look forward to talking to you and I thoroughly enjoy your company. I don’t think you’ve ever once pissed me off, which is amazing because I have the shortest fucking temper ever. I wholeheartedly appreciate you and everything we’ve done thus far. If you ever need someone to talk to, to vent to, to confide in, whatever, I’m here for you. So if you ever feel lonely, or unwanted, or like you’re being ignored, come talk to me, cause I’ll never ignore you.

On that note, let’s turn our attention towards the RP side of things shall we? You’re an amazing writer, a wonderful RP partner, and your character are great. Like I love Eli, she’s fucking fantastic. Her sassy attitude, her impulsive nature, her quirky habits (Please don’t eat frozen steak Eli) and just all the intricacies and nuances, every single thing about her is great. A girl forced to grow up too fast, a child forced to face her mortality before she even got a chance to live. So when faced with two options, to die sad and alone without ever having had a chance to truly enjoy all that life has to offer, or to live by forsaking her humanity, the choice was obvious. She gave herself to the darkness, embraced being a monster, all for that chance. A chance to experience, to enjoy, to live.  I’m sure most of us would make the same choice if we were faced with such a dismal situation.

Eli is amazingly written, you bring her to life in a way most could only hope to achieve. Her reactions are organic and visceral. She’s such an emotional girl, as much as she tries to hide it behind that stoic facade of hers. Her emotions are so raw and powerful that they sway the reader to feel along with her. To feel her fury as she fights against those who have done terrible things to her or those she loves, to feel her happiness however short lived it tends to be, and to feel her sorrow, the deep, bitter sorrow that seems to constantly plague her very existence. She can never seem to escape it. The abuse, the torment, the manipulation, all the suffering she goes through, that leads her to the edge, and when presented with it, she jumps. She leaps into circumstances she never fully understood, dives into a dark and twisted world, one full of horrific tragedy. Before she knows it and before she’s even aware, she’s lost her humanity. She’s become a monster, not only in name, but in nature as well. She’s become the demon those nuns claimed her to be, and she murders her tormentors for the things they have done to her. She gets taken in by a morally questionable individual and is put to work as an assassin, forced to kill people who are the same as she once was, humans who became monsters and lost control. She’s forced to essentially kill herself, over and over again. She’s been isolated her entire life. Made to mistrust others, to be distant, to be cold, to be uncaring.

And then she meets a girl, a special girl who accepts her for what she is. A girl who, while initially afraid of the truth that was revealed to her, overcomes that fear, because what you are doesn’t matter, it’s who you are that is important. She accepts her, refuses to let her go, and swears to never abandon her. For probably the first time in Eli’s whole life, she has a friend. Someone who truly cares about her and enjoys her presence. It’s no wonder she fell in love is it?

But like all things in this poor girl’s life, it’s fated to end in tragedy.

Listen, I love Eli, she’s a great character, she’s compelling, nuanced, and with so much depth, of both emotion and personality. She’s conflicted, she struggles, she has ups and downs, she feels and wants, she’s both silly and serious. She’s like a real person. She’s not just one thing, but many things, all blended together to create a single individual, just like we are.

You’ve done an absolutely fantastic job writing this girl. You should take pride in what you’ve done, because you’ve created an amazing character here.

I adore her relationship with Ivalinne and Reiko. They’re such stark contrasts to each other, such different dynamics, and the conflict between the three is great.

Which brings me to threads, I’ve loved every single one, and I have SO many ideas for more. I’ve got so many plans and schemes and plots in my head that I have yet to spring on you since I don’t want to overwhelm you, and I hope we’ll get to explore each and every one of them. I can’t wait!

You are probably the biggest fan of everything I do. You support me in my endeavors and are always cheering me on, and I thank you for that, I really appreciate your support, how much you enjoy my stories and characters, it makes me so incredibly happy. You’re probably the biggest fan of Ivalinne’s story, and by far the most vocal. I hope you’ll continue to partake in my stories as I tell them, I’d love to have you along for the ride.

Have I heaped enough praise on you yet? I could probably go on for hours about how amazing you are, so in the interest of not making this post even longer than it already is, I’ll stop here.

Avo, you’re great is all aspects, and I hope we continue to write together for as long as is possible. I look forward to the coming year and all the wonderful threads we’ll surely write together in 2020.

@intrinsicmirage

Aster, you’re such an amazing writer. Your narration is beautiful, I love the way it flows and how poetic it is. It’s a pleasure to read the things you write and a joy to see you on the dash.

You are a creative force, your ideas and concepts are awe-inspiring. The lore you’ve crafted is so interesting and well thought out, from the Coils to the Shroud, to the various species you’ve made all from scratch. You have an amazing mind and I love seeing what you come up with. Your characters are compelling, interesting, and in some cases downright terrifying. S9 is a fearsome being, an ancient god risen from the dead yearning for the power they once had and more, intent to make the universe bend to their will and take all they can get.

Syn is great. A woman struggling with her past and trying to find meaning, going from a materialistic, greedy mercenary whose focus rested solely on the wealth and possessions she could gain, to her confronting her past and taking on the trials of the Coils. She’s so haunted by her pasts traumas that in the past she couldn’t bear to speak of them, and to confront them head on took a lot of courage. She comes out triumphant and sees the world in a new light, making her realize just how pointless her treasure trove of amassed wealth is, and that there’s something much more important than money and material things. She takes her future into her own hands, reshapes herself and takes control of her own identity, giving herself a new name, one that she chose for herself, one that wasn’t given to her by someone else. It was hers and hers alone. Now known as Malam’schir, she sets her sights far higher than she once did as Syn, seeking to tear down a corrupted system of power where the strong reign supreme. All that she willingly puts herself through and endures for that goal, it’s admirable. She’s done a lot of horrible things throughout her life. She’s never been what one would consider selfless, in fact, she’s been the opposite, and for someone like that to, in the end, work towards helping the weak who are trapped under the heel of corrupt monarchies and corporations who hold an iron grip on the planets and systems in the galaxy, that is some amazing character development.

I think it really is amazing when a writer can make you feel for a character that isn’t morally sound and who is either grey, or downright evil. It takes a lot of skill to get the audience to invest in and sympathize with a character who isn’t an obvious hero. To have the reader root for someone who has killed countless people without a second thought, who lies and steals and does whatever it takes to achieve their goals, that in my opinion is a true sign of a skilled writer.

And you’ve done exactly that. I find myself wanting Malam’schir to succeed, cheering her on even when full well knowing that during the Lifeforce Coil she’s systematically torturing and murdering people to gain a better understanding of how that energy works before assimilating the lifeforce of those she’s killed into her own to bolster herself for the journey ahead. How detrimental this act becomes to her, as all the memories and personalities of all those she’s absorbed blend together. The gambles she takes as she descends into the Nine Hells and the risk all of this poses to her, not just physically, but on a fundamental level. The question of ‘is she still herself’ when all of those personalities merge and intermingle. What is truly her and what is inherited from all the souls she’s consumed. It’s fascinating and I can’t wait to see how it all turns out.

You’ve done an excellent job with your characters. They really feel like actual people, not mere concepts, but individuals with a will all their own. You bring them to life in such a spectacular way and it’s an honor to be able to write with you.

As a creator, I look up to you. You inspire me to go further and deeper, to explore beyond the world I created and reach out into the universe in which it exists. To explore my concepts on a cosmic scale rather than on a planetary one, and I thank you for that.

You’re a great friend, easy to talk to, fun to bounce ideas off of, and just an overall welcoming person. I’m glad to have met you and it makes me so happy that we’re friends. We’ve been mutuals since almost the beginning, sometime in March of 2018 or so, over the course of so many URL changes that I had to give you your own tag just to keep track of them all, and it’s been wonderful having you along for the ride. Thank you for your support through these years and for your continued interest in what I do.

I absolutely adore our ship and have so many ideas for what is to come for Reiko and Syn/Mala. Despite them both being terrible people, their relationship is so pure and beautiful. A love without expectations, one that doesn’t judge or hold the other to some sort of standard or code of conduct. A love with no burdens, but just simply being there with one another, enjoying the moment and each other’s presence. It’s so wonderful and I love every instance of it. Such rich emotion and such a profound love, even though both believe themselves unfit for love and unworthy of being loved. For such dangerous beings which such questionable morality, they are so sweet together. The fact that these two, who are ultimately very selfish individuals, would do anything to protect the other—even if it cost them their very lives—is so beautiful, it touches my heart.

I look forward to what is to come in the new year and hope to continue writing with such a wonderful writer for as long as I can, and I hope you too, feel the same way.

@sisterofthedevil​ / @cruentusscarlet​ / And more

Flan, you’re the reason I’m here in the first place. You were the first person I reached out to when I decided to come back here and enter the RP community. It was due to you that I got to join that first discord server, the first one I was ever in. It’s my home and I treasure it so much, so much so that even if that server is slowly declining, I’ll never leave it, because it’s the first place I got to call my home on discord. All of the friends I’ve made, all of them are thanks to that first step. If it wasn’t for you I might not have been able to make my place here. I’m so grateful for that. Even if we don’t talk much, I still consider you a good friend. And that’s not to mention how great of an RP partner you are.

Reiko and Flandre’s thread is one of my favorite threads I’ve had to date. I’ve loved every moment of it, it’s been such an intense roller coaster of emotions, and it’s probably the only thread where all of Reiko has been on full display. I hope going forward into 2020 that we can continue to write together.

You’re a great writer with such a unique style. Each one of your muses is fleshed out with intricate details and is a different spin on things, What with Flan having accidentally killed her sister and become the new mistress of the manor. Remilia embracing the role of being a terrifying monster and doing horrible things without batting an eyelash. Parsee being trapped not only emotionally and mentally, but spiritually and physically as well, unable to leave the bridge and be free. Satori, despite the horrors she’s witnessed, does not just follow suit to her species. You’ve given attention to every little detail, from the placement of her veins to the way she would have to put clothes on to accommodate them to the lasting effects of being able to read minds and bring other’s traumas to the surface. Alice is such a unique take on her as Shinki’s daughter, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything similar in regards to Alice’s origins and it’s amazing.

Each one of your muses shows how much thought you put into the characters you play and how dedicated you are to them. All of their trauma is very much real, and you portray it so well. There is never an easy fix to such problems, and you’ve done their struggles justice and shown just how hard it is to live with things like loss and abuse. Never does it feel like their trauma is overlooked or minimized, and their struggles with their demons and all the torment they’ve endured is very real, and how each one of them deals with their trauma in a different way shows such deep understanding of how different people react to things differently and everyone has their own way of coping.

I hope going into the next year that we’ll continue to RP together, there’s so much more I want to see and explore with your muses. You’re a great person, and I wish you all the best for the coming year.

@catacombofsouls​

Lina, we’ve only become mutuals rather recently compared to most on this list, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed talking with you over these past months. It’s great to have someone to scream about The Case Study of Vanitas and Pandora Hearts with. You’re friendly and easy to talk to, and you’re always up for whatever ideas I come up with, or happen to mention. Really, you’re a very kind person and I enjoy your company. I hope going forward we’ll continue to be friends and RP partners for the foreseeable future.

I know with my recent lack of motivation that our threads haven’t gotten very far. With any luck, I’ll be able to regain my motivation and write more frequently. You have so many muses I want to interact with, particularly your OCs. Light is a very interesting character and I want to interact with her at some point in the future. I have quite a few ideas, but I don’t want to overwhelm you or myself for that matter, so once I get our threads going again and I’m not in draft hell, I’ll come to you with some even more fucking up ideas!

Thank you for reading Ivalinne’s story! I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I hope you’ll stick around for the stories to come! I’m glad you like my characters and I hope you’ll continue to enjoy what I create going forward.

@mayohigan-orange​​ / @witchwaltzing​

Cobalt, I know you don’t think you’re a good writer and all, but you really are. You’re not only fun to RP with, but fun to talk to as well.

Reiko and Chen’s interactions have been a wild ride, and a highly amusing one at that. Chen has such a feisty personality and she’s not afraid to speak her mind, or to even cuss someone out, regardless of who they are. Though that seems to get her in trouble more often than not. Between her picking fights with all the wrong people, and her devotion to those she cares about, Chen is joy to have around. Even with Ivalinne, who she hardly knows, she’s promised to keep her safe and she won’t betray her word. She’s an admirable little kitten who tries her best. She’s still very childish and her lack of worldly experience shows with just how easily Reiko has been able to get things to go her way, which still astounds me since that’s entirely unplotted and we just go with the flow with our threads.

At first glance, your Chen appears to be just the cute cat often seen in fanon, but once you get to know her, you see that there’s more to her than just that. You’ve developed her character and given her depth. Her eagerness to prove herself, to live up to her Master’s name and legacy, how desperate she is to do so despite the risks. How protective she is of those close to her, and even those she’s only recently met. She’s a good girl with a strong heart and even stronger convictions, and how passionate she is shows in not only her words, but her actions as well.

You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re a great writer, and a fun RP partner who pushes themselves to do more. I seem to recall you not being too confident in fight threads, but here you are, writing one with me and doing it spectacularly. You’re dependable and reliable, probably one of the most reliable RP partners I’ve had the pleasure of writing with. You’ve never once dropped one of our threads, even though we have so many, and that’s something I greatly respect.

You’re a good friend. You’re easy to get along with, and you’re so casual and friendly, joking around and just overall are an enjoyable presence to have around. It makes me happy that you were so enthusiastic about Ivalinne’s story, to the point of wanting to change the ending. To have someone be so invested in something I wrote is amazing. I’ve done my job as a writer if I’ve made the reader feel for my characters and root for them, and I’m so glad you enjoyed it so much. Thank you for your support and your continued patronage, I hope you’ll continue to read my stories and continue to RP with me moving forwards into the coming year. Don’t doubt yourself, you’re a good writer, and I’m sure you’ll only get better as you go.

@soulwitch / @volatilepaths

Kako, you’re really just amazing on all fronts. You’re a great supportive friend, a calm voice of reason, and a wonderful and dedicated writer. You put so much of yourself into everything you do. You’re always there to help anyone who needs it, always willing to give advice and be there for those who are having a tough time, it’s really awe-inspiring just how much you give to not only the community as a whole, but to everyone you interact with. I know I’m frustrating to deal with at times, but you never give up on me, and I really appreciate that. So many others would have just been done with me, they wouldn’t have tried to work things out and make sure an understanding was reached. I’m really grateful for that. The problems I’ve come to you with, and you’ve helped me work through, I’m grateful for that, truly. You’re so friendly and accommodating, always wanting to make sure your partner is happy and comfortable, and that they’re enjoying how each and every thread goes. The way you put others needs ahead of your own is really admirable. You’re a great person, and you deserve all the best, really.

You writing is great, and your characters are amazing. You’re not afraid to delve into some really dark topics and that, in my opinion, takes a lot of courage. Jeanne is absolutely terrifying, through and through. She’s a great villain and a force to be reckoned with. A woman so utterly broken by all she’s been through that she’s become such a monster, one who cares not what evils she commits. She lies, she manipulates, she does whatever it takes to get what she wants, to satiate her desires. She’s a masterpiece of a villain, and I really need to find some way to get to see more of her. Reiko utterly despises her, and wants absolutely nothing to do with the woman, to stay as far away as she can and to keep Jeanne from encroaching upon her. They’ll never be able to get along thanks to Jeanne hitting upon the things she most abhors, so I’ll have to come up with something else, because I do want to interact with Jeanne. I want to see more of her, try to understand her better, she’s a character with a lot of depth, and I want to see more than just the surface.

Which brings me to the Redbellion event. Everything about that was amazing, Kako. From the story, to the interactivity, to the sheer size and the amount of time and thought put into everything. It was great and I’m glad to have been a part of it, even if it was only a small one due to my own anxieties. You were so helpful and accommodating, making sure I who was late to join, was able to get in on the action and feel like I made a difference in the event. I’m proud to have contributed, happy with what I got to do. It was fun reading through the various stories that came from it. I got invested in quite a few things and found my emotions swinging to the tune of your words. The androids that struggled to survive as they were divided between their mother and their nature as synthetic beings, Core who became a terrifying abomination, and Harune, who sacrificed all she held dear just to save this dying galaxy. It was a beautiful story and you did an amazing job bringing to life not just a single world, but an entire galaxy. It’s amazing what you did. You put so much time and effort into the whole thing. The sheer depth of your dedication and devotion is admirable. I could never hope to do something like that, let alone carry it all the way to the end. Your determination is amazing, and you have my deepest respect for your efforts.

You’re someone I look up to, someone I’m glad to know and happy to have the honor to write with. I know I haven’t been the best of RP partners, what with my sporadic activity and my flighty muses and motivation. I’m sorry for that, and I hope that I can do better in the coming year. You’re a great writer, an amazing person, and a wonderful friend, and you deserve all the best in the coming year.

@unhingedsea / @sophisticatedsuccubus / @justthatdamnrich / And more

Ellen, I know we haven’t spoken much recently, but I hope we’re still as close as we were a couple months ago. I miss having you check in on me and message me. I really enjoy your presence and love talking with you. Hearing about your ideas, how you’re branching out into fandomless OCs of your own setting, it makes me excited to see what you create. I hope you’ll bring them to tumblr so that we can interact and I can see more of them.

Your characters are a diverse mix of drastically different personalities. From Wada, who is batshit insane by any measure, to the shy and socially awkward 2pi, to the rage filled Klowni, you have such a varied mixture of characters. I’ve enjoyed the threads that we had, even though they were rather short-lived. I hope we’ll get to RP more in the coming year, I really want to see where things will go, especially with that thread between Reiko and Jo’on.

I know you’ve been struggling lately, feeling like what you’re doing has lost it’s appeal, and that you’ve lost touch with those who you once interacted with frequently, but I don’t think that’s the case. Everyone has been really busy lately for some reason, many people that were once frequent on the dash are active less these days, and it’s sad to see, but I don’t think it’s that they have lost interest in what you do. I for one haven’t, and I never will. You’re a joy to see on the dash and I hope you’ll come back and RP here more. I definitely want you around, and I’m sure others do too. So please, believe in yourself, I’m sure you can do it.

You’re such a great person. So friendly and welcoming, always cheering everyone on. You told me you swore to be that positive light for others, no matter what it takes, and that’s something amazing. Something I would never be able to do. I hope you won’t burn yourself out, because giving so much is a hard thing to do, especially in an unkind world. I hope you don’t give up, that you keep going and striving to be who you want to be. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here for you.

Thank you so much for being such a fan of Ivalinne’s story. When you told me that reading my writing, reading my story, motivated you into writing, I was honored. That my writing could have such a profound effect on someone, it’s unreal. I’m happy you enjoyed it and I hope you’ll continue to read as I write Eliyah’s story and more.

@fxtelism

Dennis, you’re a good friend and I’m grateful to have someone I can confide in about the things I can’t tell anyone else. You’re nice, friendly, and easy to talk to and get along with. I really appreciate your company.

Thanks to tumblr eating the notifications of our threads at every turn, we haven’t made much progress RP wise, but hopefully that will change in the coming year. I want to see more of your characters and get to know them, get more interactions, and develop our muses further. Leon is really sweet and it’s adorable how much of a flustered mess he is, it’s great. Soft boys are good! Manifestation is very interesting, an opposite to the kind and friendly person who he was created from. I’m curious to see where things could go with both of them. If just tumblr would stop eating notifications.

Now then, Ivalinne’s story. Thank you so much for reading. You have no idea how much it means to me. When you were reading and mentioned that one thing, I was so excited to see you get to the end. Having someone realize and notice things really is great. Probably the best feeling I’ve ever felt. I hope you enjoyed her journey and will continue to read the stories I’ll tell in the future, because I’ve got plenty more to tell!

@echointheforest

Marii, you’re a great friend, and thank you for all your support. You’re so welcoming and easy to talk to about literally anything. I never feel awkward talking to you about things, even though I sometimes worry I bother you too much.

ReiMarii is love, ReiMarii is life. I adore our ship. It’s the first ship I’ve ever had, and it’s been amazing. Thank you so much for introducing me to shipping, I’m so grateful for it. Shipping is so much fun, so full of feels, and I love it. I hope shipping with Reiko hasn’t been too angsty for you, it seems that no matter what, everything comes up bittersweet, and I hope that doesn’t upset you. I love how Reiko and Marii are together, it’s adorable. Everyone else only sees the surface, the bitchy exterior that woman presents to the world. and they  write her off as that being all there is to her. But there’s so much more to her than what’s on the surface, and exploring all that lies beneath it with you has been one of the greatest pleasures of this past year. Every interaction has been wonderful, I love every minute of it and I hope we’ll continue to interact more in the coming year.

I know you worry a lot about whether you’re a good RP partner, and while I’ve already said my piece on it to you, I’ll say it again. You’re a great RP partner. You’re in no way a shitty RP partner. You’re a joy to write with and I love interacting with you. Life has been hectic for you recently, but I hope it will calm down, so you don’t have to be so stressed and exhausted all the time. You’re a great person and you deserve the best. I hope we’ll continue to be friends and continue to interact through next year as well.

You’re the first person, and so far the only, to see Reiko’s core. You’ve seen a side of her no one else has experienced. Marii’s touched her heart, reached through the ice and rust and connected with her on a level not even she thought was possible anymore. If things continue the way they’ve been going, she might even end up telling Marii about her past, so I hope we’ll get to explore more and more of their relationship, sink the claws of love deeper into her heart. Maybe Marii can make her realize that being who she is isn’t as bad a thing as she thinks it is, maybe she could help her to accept that she’s not damaged or broken beyond repair. That she’s worth the love the youkai has given her. I want to see it, someone be able to reach her, to tell her it’s fine.

So I hope we’ll continue to write in the coming year, that we’ll continue to develop this tender, beautiful relationship between dark and light, because I’m excited to see where it goes. How deep it will get and how close they’ll become. The future is bright, and hopefully Marii can teach Reiko that as well.

@johnny-writes

Johnny, I know your retirement date is quickly approaching, and I’m sorry I haven’t fulfilled what I promised. I said I’d put priority on our threads, but I failed to deliver, and I apologize for that. I wish we could have had more threads, that I had met you sooner so we could have done more. It saddens me that soon, we won’t get to write together anymore. I’m going to miss you as an RP partner. I hope we can continue to be friends though, even if you’ll be leaving the RP community.

I know Mara and Tojava weren’t exactly planned characters for you. They were created from a meme and it all started from there. I like both of them, the concepts and tropes they’re meant to explore. I was looking forward to you writing their story, and though you got derailed during NaNoWriMo, I hope you’ll continue to work towards the completion of their tale.

The thread between Reiko and Mara was a very interesting one. I’m sorry my bitch of a muse made Mara cry, she didn’t deserve that at all and I still feel bad about it, but I enjoyed the thread nonetheless. Feels are fun, no matter what form they come in. The thread between Ivalinne and Kazuma was fun too, it’s a shame it won’t get to continue to the ending I had planned. It would have been a chance to show Ivalinne is more clever than most probably assume due to how most of her threads have gone. It’s a shame it will never come to pass.

Speaking of Ivalinne, thank you for reading her story! I appreciate your interest. When you told me you got hooked after the first two parts, I was overjoyed. I’m glad you liked it, and I hope you’ll continue to read Eliyah’s story as I write it.

You’re a good friend, a logical voice of reason, and I’m grateful for that. I know I’m not always the most reasonable person out there, but it really helps when there’s someone that can talk some sense into me. Thank you for your support this past year. I’ll miss having you around on the dash, sending asks in to my characters and I’ll miss seeing your characters around. But just because they aren’t around doesn’t mean that they don’t exist anymore. I look forward to seeing the story you tell with them, and I wish you all the luck with your plans for the future.

@geisthonoredferry

Koma, we’ve only met recently, but honestly you’re great. You’re so supportive of everyone, what with your little handwritten notes to people and all the positivity you spread, you’re a great influence on this community. This place needs lights like you, people that care about others and support them no matter what. You’re a blessing and I’m happy to call you my friend.

I hope in the coming year that we’ll be able to get some more interactions going. My motivation to write has been very low recently, and I’ve been overwhelmed by the sheer amount of drafts I have, but I’m not gonna give up! I’m going to reply to everything and keep moving forward.

Thank you for reading Ivalinne’s story, I’m glad you liked it and I hope that you’ll continue to read the things I put out and enjoy them all the same.

I really appreciate how much you care, how you check in on me to see how I’m doing, how you send positive little messages in the server and how you’re always doing your best to spread that cheer. You’re great, really. As both a writer and a friend. Though you should really stop lying to people and saying I’m cute. You’re the cute one here, not me.

@weaverstale / @draconianmyths

Kirbs, you’re great, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You’re so caring and compassionate, always concerned for everyone else and supporting them with positivity. Thank you for your support. I do appreciate it, really, even if I believe myself unworthy, it does make my day better. Don’t ever stop being that way.

We’ve both been low on writing motivation lately, and that really sucks. I want to RP more with you. Orochi is very interesting, and my dumb thot of a muse can’t resist an attractive man. Or an attractive women, as Konoe proves. She really just can’t resist attractive people in general really. I hope going into the next year that we’ll be able to have more threads and interactions.

You’re a good friend and you’re easy to talk to. I know at times our...interests in conversation topics just don’t always match, I apologize for that. I am but a shy nervous bean, naive and innocent about such topics. Regardless, I do enjoy talking to you, and I hope we’ll continue to be friends in the future.

@magicaldreaming​

Xana, I know we’ve only become mutuals recently, but I’ve really enjoyed speaking with you. I love hearing about your OCs, it’s fascinating. You’re easy to talk to and really chill, and I appreciate that. I hope we’ll continue to talk and be friends in the coming year.

As for RPs, you’re an amazing writer with some amazing muses. Krolia was one of the first I seen, through your threads with another blog I follow. Krolia immediately caught my eye, she’s very strange in a curious and interesting way. She’s an ancient being with a love for modern technology, idol music, and junk food, and it’s adorable.I really want to have a thread with her someday, once I manage to get my draft situation under control. I hope to see more of her, she’s really interesting.

But probably my favorite muse of yours currently is Celia. I read along with her threads in Redbellion, and honestly, they were my favorite. I love her journey throughout the event, going from an emotionless killing machine intent to cleanse all biological life from the universe, to realizing the true beauty of life, and realizing she had set in motion the destruction of an entire galaxy full of it. How she fought so desperately as the end of all was looming over her, how much she regretted what she had done, and how badly she wished to right the wrongs she committed. How she gave her all to save people. to protect them from the menace she had unleashed, and how she gave her life, her light, in order to save everyone. The woman that once sought to exterminate all life sacrificed her own to save what remained, and that is beautiful. I teared up when she started to fade into slumber and go dormant. You did an amazing job building up her character and her development was spectacular. I look forward to see where she goes from here, now that her outlook on the world has so drastically changed. With any luck, I’ll regain my motivation and be able to see that hope through with our thread!

All in all, you’re a great writer, never doubt your talent. It really shows a writer’s skill when they make you feel for and root for an evil character. That’s so much harder to accomplish than simply having the reader side with the hero. Any writer that can do that has my respect, just as you do.

@fragmentedsilhouette

Sage, I know you’re not really on tumblr much anymore, but I’m going to list you here anyways. You’re a good friend, calm, easy to talk to, and your company is enjoyable. I should really talk to you more.

I miss seeing Amaeris on the dash, she really was a great character. Well thought out and of questionable moral standing (Wait a second most of the characters I’ve spoken of here have been that way...Do I have a thing for that type?!) A shadow of her former self, literally. A deceased ruler of an ancient empire aiming to regain her former glory and rebuild her kingdom anew, so that she may reclaim what she had in life. You put a lot of thought into her and I wanted to see where she would go, if she’d ever be able to take back what was taken from her.

I hope one day we can write together again. The brief instances when we did were enjoyable. Maybe sometime next year? Who knows, but one can hope!

@moonternity

Lilli, we may have never gotten to RP on tumblr, and we might not have RPed all that much in general, but I think you deserve to be mentioned here as well.

When we first met two years ago, you hated my guts and told me straight out. I admired that honesty, since honesty is something I value. You gained my respect by being so honest about your feelings. I wanted to be friends with such an honest person, someone who wouldn’t lie to me and who’d tell me flat out if I fucked up. So I wanted to win you over, and as you know, I did, and that made me so happy.

I’m glad to be your friend. Happy that you want me around. It means a lot to me, truly. I enjoy your company, the fun we’ve had with the campaign, and even just talking to you. Thank you for being my friend, for giving me my first D&D experience, and for just being you.

---

And thank you to all my followers, both on the RP Side Blog where I actually do all of my writing and to all the followers here, whether you’ve just followed the wrong blog or not! Thank you for your support! I hope I can continue to write more and more in the years to come!

Happy New Year to you all!

[attheexactlyrighttimeandplace]

1, 8 and 25

1. Favorite childhood book

It’s hard to pick one because there are so many! 

But the books which made the biggest impression on me were the ones i read and studied for school. At the times, teachers were obsessed with sad classics where animals were playing a central role: so i had my first major literary discovery/shock with The Lion by Joseph Kessel (he’s a french writer so i’m not sure his work has been translated, though i think it was because it was a big success).

It’s the story of a 10 years old girl who lives in a reserve in Kenya and has the  ability (not really a power just a heightened use of her senses and intuition) to talk to animals. She has a intense and fascinating friendship with a lion named King that she helped raise since he was a cub, and she has also a deep and important bond with a young boy who belongs to the Maasai Tribe and lives too in the savana. But one day those relationships take a dark turn... . 

It filled my head with wonder for years (i knew already North Africa because i had visited my family who lived here and loved the mysterious and powerful atmosphere of the place), but the savana was literally another universe and the author who traveled here few times as a reporter captured amazingly well why this place is filled with magic. Patricia is also a fantastic heroine for any girl of the same age (all the characters got me engaged on a level that was new to me). And the book is so full of interesting informations about the Maasai Tribe. So it easily became the best book ever written for the 12 years old me.  

I still have the book (the same copy i bought for school) and i will forever mourn the end (an horribly sad one so i haven’t reread it since a long time).

8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog?

Not in a big way but there’s still few changes that i think are improvements, and which are all linked to the fact that i follow books blogs and i’m influenced by them like: 

i allowed myself to drop few books that became a burden and without too much guilt (i picked them with care and on recommendations so it wasn’t going to be easy to let go).

I also dont read everyday anymore but in bursts which is closer to my needs.

I’m more excited about buying books (because there’s a lot of reviews) and indeed spend much more money on it.

  25. Have you ever read a self-help book?

I’m not a fan of the genre but i own few ones that i got on recommendations and that were very helpful to get me through few personal issues: 

Three by the same french therapist who used her experience to help people better understand and manage their emotions. She had also a lot patients which were like me hypersensitive people and  offered useful and pratical tips to live a better life. 

I read too few psychology books about family relationships and how to overcome the trauma that they can create (Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson is a must read).      

Thank you very much for asking!:) 

[crqstalite]

pt. 18, into the lion’s den, pt. 7 (bisauur && nadia)

so i kind of lied because in between these two chapters i made a new consular baby, and her name is bisauur! no, she and nadia aren’t together, because i intend to write bis with zenith (don’t kill me, i really, really like the few fics i can find with zenith/female jc), but i think they’re a cute pair as sisters :)

written: 10.5.19. word count: 4,029.

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character song: run boy run, woodkid

character file: bisauur & nadia grell, padawans to naji iresso

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bisauur has met quite a few interesting characters since she joined the crew of the defender class starship, the polaris. something the young miraluka jedi still isn't yet over, as everything is still so new. without eyes, using the force to become familiar with her new surroundings is fascinating work. from seeing how the ship's gears fit together, how the engines whir at night as she slips off into sleep. sometimes she still runs into a wall or two because of all the years she spent in the temple, but the warm, familial energy that courses through those of the crew makes it easy to laugh it off, no matter who passes by.

qyzen is an interesting character. someone who kills for sport is an interesting idea, if not also rather morbid when matched up against the jedi code. the trandoshan doesn't offend her though, and she's accompanied him on a few hunts over the three years she's been on the ship. he's good to keep conversation with, even thought it took her a while to fully grasp the guttural language. he doesn't ever mind when she speaks in basic, but he and naji were proud once she managed to figure it out.

tharan and holiday are also two very interesting characters. tharan's scientist background makes him an exciting person to talk to as she learns about chemicals and the such. he's taken her to see the stars many times over when they land on certain planets, and her favorite so far has been the cool air of alderaan. holiday is a darling, but she has a hard time sensing when she's near her, lacking a force signature holiday tends to be a surprise in the darkness. the woman (or hologram, as bisauur has had to learn) is still kind though, and apologizes when she does startle her.

zenith confuses her more often than not. bisauur typically doesn't agree with his methods of getting things done, but she has learned the apparently very helpful skill of sharpshooting. or at least, can aim without shooting herself in the foot. the polaris' crew seemed surprised when they came back off of balmorra with zenith chuckling as she slipped the rifle off from around her shoulder. she enjoys the twi'lek companionship, and the things he can teach her in the art of war. he and tharan tend to ask quite a few questions about how a miraluka can really see, but she counters with how eyes work and why they work. that shuts zenith down, but tharan is still firing back with answers.

lieutenant felix iresso is still a bit of a mystery to her. naji mentioned something rather odd occurring to the man years before they'd met, but his force signature is kind and warm. he often smiles, and like zenith, is talented with weapons of the long-range kind. as much as naji doesn't want her to know (or possibly she knows bisauur knows), a large portion of his force signature is tied with hers. as forbidden as it, they make an adorable pair together, and fight well side by side. he was the one who taught her basics of piloting, though she's confined to the co-pilot's chair indefinitely.

nadia makes her smile in a special kind of way. the others are years upon years older than both of them (nadia is still only 24, and bis is only just catching up to her now), and it's like having the sister she'd always wished for. though there's a clear cultural seperation between the two, they're happy to spend their days together and learn side by side as the world twists and changes around them. nadia teaches her about the world outside the temple, and in return, bisauur teaches her of the more advanced force abilities she posesses.

in all, bisauur is rather happy with her new station on the polaris, and the others have accepted her wholeheartedly so far. though they've been through so much more with naji than she has (she only joined them while naji was stationed on corellia, fighting the first son. a terrifying expedition for a brand new padawan, she was confined to the polaris), the woman treats her as a daughter nearly. given, only a year or two seperates them, but as kind and as sweet as she is, bis wonders if this is what it's like to have a mother. everyone else on the ship she'd assume has a mother, no matter how fractured their relationship might've been. bisauur has none to remember, or even try to remember because her records seem to have been erased. it's a sad and disturbing thought, but she reassures herself because the council must've had a good reason.

the way the force flows around her without her even trying as she sits across from nadia leaves her bored while they both attempt to meditate in the medbay without dissolving into giggles and gossip as they always do. it's rather hard, even if both young women are trained properly in the force. they're simply too good of friends to be trusted to carry out naji's lessons by themselves, and it seems nadia's edging on forgoing it as well as her concentration wavers. something's troubling her, and bisauur just barely opens her mouth to ask what has her force signature all frazzled when the datacron they've been levitating together drops to the ground and she takes her head in her hands, crying out in pain. "nadia!" bisauur cries, shuffling over to her on her knees to take the pained girl into her arms, "nadia, what's wrong?"

the initial pain doesn't pass as quickly as bisauur would've hoped, as tears flush the pale girl's face, a ghastly shiver falling over her body as she holds her tight. once it seems to, her force signature and breathing pattern drop considerably, not quite relaxed but better than it once was as bisauur allows her to recollect herself. this is rather odd, what's gone on that has nadia in such a fit? she'd never seen her like this before, and that concerns her, "nadia?" she whispers, trying to scare her any further, "nadia, are you alright?"

"i-it felt like...l-like i was being shocked!" nadia tries to explain, stumbling over her words as she stumbles to her feet. her eyes are bloodshot, as if some invisible force really has sent volts of lightning through her body. furiously wiping away tears, the girl dashes out of the med bay and because she can hear it, stomps up the stairs as fear leaves whispers imprinted on her aura.

"nadia! wait!" forgoing her own shoes, bisauur collects the datacron and hurries up the stairs to the flight deck to follow after her. what could've caused such a sensation to rip through her body like that, especially without any other interference? looking down at the datacron, she wonders if possibly what she found inside could've caused something like that to happen. bisauur hasn't actually gone poking around in one for a long while, so she's afraid for her friend.

however, her thoughts get the better of her once she reaches the landing, so much so she runs headfirst into zenith, who she quickly apologizes to before rushing into the common area, where nadia's fingers are dashing across the holoterminal's buttons. "wait a moment, nadia. what are you doing?"

"trying to contact naji. the only other reason i can figure i would've felt that is if naji was in a similar state of pain." nadia nips at her bottom lip for a moment as her fingers still, poised above the controls, "you don't think she's died, do you?"

bisauur tries to comfort her in the best way she knows how as her own worry pierces her heart. she's forgotten that she and naji had an amazingly strong bond between the two of them, and just the thought that their master might be in some serious trouble causes her to frown as well. the way that nadia described it, she's terrified the woman might've encountered a sith. they're the only force users that could've overpowered her, and got her guard down so far that whatever shield she should've had present would've failed. twirling a strand of grey blue hair, she pulls nadia's hands away from the console, "i doubt she would fall to such a force, nadia. and remember, she specifically told us not to contact her while she was planet-side."

nadia seems conflicted as her eyes refocus on her fellow padawan. "but what if she's in trouble and really needs help?"

"then i'm sure she or the lieutenant will contact us when they are safely out of harm's way. but for now all we can do is wait." she responds as nadia's gaze drops from her's to the ground. "whatever happened, we both know the lieutenant would put his life on the line for her. there's no way they wouldn't come back without the other."

"i guess you're right." nadia mumbles, sniffling away any tears that remained, as bisauur brushes away the few that escaped her bare knuckles, "it's just that our force bond had never responded to pain like that before. i really hope she's okay."

"you and me both." she says, as the ship shudders under her stress. just enough for only her to truly notice, before nadia squeezes her hand in hers. nadia's own calming heartbeat allows her to breathe again,

"i felt that. it's not so horrible to be scared, bis, as long as you channel it correctly." nadia's trying to be brave, repeating nearly exactly what naji had told her the first time the polaris had been attacked and the ship sustained more damage from her own anxiety than the oncoming ship. "we can be scared together."

"we heard screaming, is everything alright?" holiday asks as they both hear footsteps behind them, finding not only zenith (her face heats once she realizes just how hard she ran into him), but tharan and the aforementioned hologram (she can only tell because of her voice and as friendly as she is with her, a shiver runs down her spine because she can't tell where she's projecting herself) as well.

"we were only startled a bit, is all." bisauur responds as she reaches out in the force foolishly to find the projection or listen closer for when she speaks again before she turns her tone serious, "have any of you heard anything from naji or the lieutenant?"

"not lately, no. now that i think about it..." zenith trails off in thought, "usually they check in around dinnertime. it is rather late, isn't it?" his force signature is flooded with concern, as is tharan's. she wonders if qyzen has left on another hunt, as his signature is nowhere to be found among the group that had come to find them. "you think they ran into trouble?"

nadia only nods and tharan frowns. "our fair naji surely must be caught up with something. there must be no reason to panic just yet." the reassurance doesn't help too much, as tharan must've seen her instinctively frown, "i'm sure it's nothing serious. she'll be back to tell us her adventures when she and the lieutenant return."

"sith aren't exactly known to be the merciless type." nadia frets, clasping bis' hand in her own in terror, "what if someone found them out?"

"i'm sure whatever trouble they ran into, they can handle themselves. lieutenant iresso is rather protective of naji, he wouldn't let her get hurt." bisauur's nerves are on end as the hairs on the back of neck stand up straight, holiday's voice having moved from in front of her to behind her now. "we'll just wait a little longer until they check in again. they're supposed to come back soon, aren't they?"

"after they gather enough information about that sith they were hunting, we're supposed to extract them." zenith finishes. a tad bit of annoyance enters his aura, possibly from the mention of said sith. "shouldn't be too much longer."

even though they're all aware they're talking about the barsen'thor of the jedi order, they're all on edge when the seperate to go to sleep and no message comes to the polaris. it's late, and no one should be up worrying about the pair. but, tharan stays up tinkering, zenith is doing something other than sleeping obviously, and qyzen has yet to return.

she and nadia dress almost silently as they go off to their own bunks before bisauur beckons her over to her own bunk instead, not wanting to be alone for the night without the others also sleeping in the crew quarters. nadia pauses, but quickly dashes over and snuggles into the blankets beside her. has it always been this cold without her fellow padawan, she wonders as nadia warms her. she hadn't expected to feel so alone without her master, but still surrounded by the other occupants of the ship. even though she can't truly see nadia, she still smiles as senses the other girl roll over to look over at her. "she'll come back, she has to come back. she wouldn't leave us alone, and you're right. i would know if she was dead."

"that sounds about right." bisauur whispers, rearranging her hair so it can lay freely behind her instead of over her eye covering, "she's still out there."

nadia's force aura is clouded over with fear at first, before her resolve shines through. "she's naji iresso. no one could kill her that easily." bisauur grins, before nadia's warm hand presses against her cheek to turn her head just a bit. her warm lips press a kiss against left cheek, then she snuggles her head into the crook of her neck. a bit startled, she returns the favor by lifting her bangs and kissing her forehead playfully as nadia giggles. "sorry, force of habit."

"with naji?" bisauur asks. it seemed she also treated nadia as more of a padawan than a sibling or lover, but bis has learned a lot since joining the polaris' crew.

"no, with my father. don't take it the wrong way, you're like the sister i never had, but i love you like family bis."

bisauur must've paused too long after she admits this odd fact, because nadia panics, "if that bothers you, i'm sorry! i should've asked first."

"no, it's quite alright, nadia. it's just...i've never had a sister before. i don't know what that's like, but i do believe i like your version of it." she hugs the girl tighter, nuzzling her head into her hair, "i love you as well, nadia."

"glad to hear it. good night, bi-sis."

"good night, nadia."

-

naji almost can't run fast enough through the crowd of sith to find felix. the other, much more dignified than she is now (all with shoes on, unlike her after she'd ditched them outside to run faster through the garden), all grunt and gossip in disapproval. usually, she'd care and hide within whatever garment she's wearing, but all that matters is getting through the court and finding felix, master delux or kira. and not run into the women that had just shocked her hard enough to cause her to still be twitching now. barely being able to hitch up her dress high enough to keep running, she nearly knocks over a drink or two on the tables she passes in panic, all the while still trying to pick out darth nox's force signature among the other sith. it grows colder and colder as her vision begins to black out nearly from pain but also from fear. nox had left some burns somewhere, one that the strap on her dress is brushing against with every step she takes, and a few others on her arms.

all naji wants is to find felix and get out of here.

thankfully, it doesn't take too long to get to the furthermost wall and retrace her steps to the ornate couch she'd been sitting on, fake nursing her ankle earlier in the evening. felix's force signature is giving off that's he's rather uncomfortable talking to the other man, but both of their eyes lift from one another once she just barely stabilizes herself against her husband, panting hard as her vision blurs. the pain is becoming too much to handle herself, and it sounds as if someone's stuffed wampa fur in her ears, as felix calls her name.

"what's with her, she drink too much?" the other man asks, cocking an eyebrow as she can barely make out his words.

naji beckons for felix to lean down a bit, their universal signal for that something's gone wrong and they can't talk about it in front of present company. once he does, she's barely able to whisper, "she's knows. get out." before she loses consciousness completely, slumping in his arms as he can barely keep her upright.

-

"what'd mier do to her?" andronikos (as he's learned the man's name after a night of his slightly drunken rambling) mutters under his breath as he stands to help felix, "gave her a run for her money, from the looks of it. your girl has a sharp tongue, huh?" he chuckles, as if it's an inside joke both of them should understand from their one-sided conversation they'd had that night. he whistles with clenched teeth, "burn marks? doesn't seem like something mier would do unprovoked."

felix isn't sure how to answer his pestering questions, but his eyes widen as he catches a glimpse of the burn marks adorning her porcelain skin, her blonde hair framing her face as strands stick to her sweaty forehead. gathering her up in his arms, he turns back to andronikos before departing out the opposite direction from where she'd run in, "it was nice meeting you and the darth, give her our regards!"

once he's out of earshot of any other sith and down a few halls, he lets his own fear flood his emotions. "by the stars, what did you do, naj?"

he's never been one to panic, and with his wife incapacitated he's not going to now. his first thought is getting back to their suite and letting her sleep off whatever happened for a couple of hours while he collects their things and contacts kiveqil and kira of the violent occurrence but quickly scratches that idea when he realizes whatever happened would cause darth nox to come looking for them. nothing would keep her from getting their suite location from any of the thul servants.

alright, screw that thought. first order of business is getting in contact with the polaris. he's not sure whether darth nox can track either of them, so his first thought is getting back to organa. but, there aren't any direct taxis from house thul to house organa, and if he asked for one some suspicion would immediatly be raised. and, the polaris would probably be shot down by anti-orbital canons as soon as it hit the surface if he called them down here. his best bet would be finding a speeder and riding that as far as he can towards organa.

it'd look suspicious if kiveqil and kira left nearly at the same time naji had bolted inside, most likely with a sith on her tail as well, so though 'communication was key', he figured giving it a bit of time before contacting them would serve them all well in not getting killed outright. setting her down gently on a couch far from the dance hall, he tries not to pace as the call rings the polaris. surprisingly, zenith is the first to pick up. "lieutenant. your check-in period passed hours ago."

"i know. look, plans failed and we need to get out of here now. how fast can you get here?" zenith must hear his frazzled thoughts through the holocom because he stands up just a tad straighter.

"something went awry?"

"you could say that." he tries to keep his fear out of his voice, but his eyes keep darting away to naji's slumped over form.

"we'll be there soon." zenith responds, and his pictures flickers away into darkness again. the sun has finally set outside and the moon seems to be on it's way to providing them with the moonlight needed to travel. picking her up again, he figures stealing a speeder would be faster than getting one from a droid because the preset location would surely be imperial controlled anyways. he's not sure how many credit chits he has on him right now, but thank the stars both of them kept their weapons on them and had arrived in this same outfit. nothing important would've been left in their suite.

finding one left unattended on the far side of the palace courtyard, he prays naji won't be mad at him later for getting her out safely. as lawful as they both are, she'll have to forgive him later as he sits her in front of him, one arm around her waist as he manages to get the struggling safety harness around both of them. revving the engine, they're off through the courtyard. thank the stars it's late, and they manage to make it into the snowdusted countryside without running anyone over.

the moonlight would be beautiful, if he wasn't noticing the burns on her exposed back. it only strengthens his resolve, as he promises to make whoever did this to her pay dearly for it.

-

"andronikos!" he's sat back down, bored without the soldier to talk at, and is considering getting another few champagnes from the servants walking around the ballroom (knowing full well if he got too drunk mier would smack the alcohol out of him). no one bothers talking to him, most likely because of who he is and what he looks like at the moment, but thats how he likes it. but, mierrio doesn't look exactly happy to see him as she stalks up to him, as he stands from his seat on the couch. "where is fess?"

"why're you looking for him?" he asks, and he's afraid if he was force sensitive, she'd burn him down or whatever it was they felt when others were angry around them. he was never very sure.

"the woman he was with was not a sith, andronikos. she's a jedi, and you let her go?!" andronikos doesn't particularily like being scared of his wife outside of the bedroom, but the murderous look in her eyes sets a different kind of fear in him. like second-hand fear, but worse. "i suppose i can't be angry with you, you wouldn't have known. however, i'm sure she wouldn't have come alone..." she trails off, fingering her saber staff in her hand. mierrio must've chased down the woman from the garden, as he can still see the evidence of leaves on the trail of lavender tulle behind her. "unless she had a death wish, but most jedi seem to have plenty of those these days. stay here, would you? i need to find lord x'ire."

"wait a second, would you?" andronikos asks, and mierrio whips around angrily.

"what? i don't have time for you right now."

well that stung in a way he didn't think it would, not after so many years, "hold on before you go off on your violent tyrade, babe. look." she rolls her eyes, before following his finger to a discarded holocom. her eyes widen, before it's replaced with a murderous smile, and she picks it up, looking at it curiously.

"why, you may be a genius and a half, nikky." she says sweetly, "i still need x'ire. he may be tied to all of this, iridonians still aren't commonplace among the sith. but, this holocom could get us more information than interrogating him could."

"does that mean you'll pay even a bit of attention to me now?" he asks slyly, and she rolls her eyes, before stepping on her toes to reach her mouth to his. she nips his bottom lip as he pulls her closer, though just a moment later she pushes him away, "really sith? just when things get exciting in this stuffy ballroom."

"i promise i'll make up for it later. but for now, i have a jedi to catch."

[superleeleehipster]

I haven’t said much in regards to recent spoilers and what will happen tonight during the finale b/c, if I’m honest, everybody has basically said exactly what I think about this new development and what it could possibly mean about our favorite couple.

But before the episode airs (I know it was leaked but I’m just going to wait until it airs tonight to watch it b/c my wifi sucks), I just figured I’d throw in my two cents into this already blazing inferno that is now the Caryl fandom once again.

Spoilers and thoughts on thangs below the cut...

From what I’ve heard both from TSDF as well as the folks who’ve already watched it, I’m actually very excited about this episode and what it’ll mean for Caryl. I know I wouldn’t be the only one to admit that, when the Carzekiel spoilers first came out, I was pissed off and much of my hope for Angela K to bring my favorite show back was shot down (not all of it, but quite a bit of it). Now with what is going to happen in the finale, I see now that it was supposed to be written this way because it was supposed to come full circle.

And I will humbly admit, that it seems to be one of the best written arcs/circles between two characters I’ve ever seen in this show...

Now in regards to the Carzekiel relationship, after recent spoilers, it pretty much confirmed to me all of the arguments that we have been saying all this time. That relationship was safe, it was convenient, it was normal, things that Carol had wanted for a while. But the catalyst of that relationship has always been Henry. Henry helped Carol through her self torture from the last few seasons by showing her that she can keep him safe and that he is worth trying to save. That she shouldn’t turn a blind eye and push him away. She couldn’t help but fall in love with that kid, so she moved to the Kingdom after Henry had asked if she could move there. And with the motherly bond she had made with Henry, it was a no brainer to allow a relationship to form between her and Ezekiel b/c he’s Henry’s adopted father.

In the early part of this season, we saw how Carol wasn’t really into the idea of marrying Zeke. But it is only when, after she glances at Henry, that she decides to put the ring on her finger. She doesn’t do it for herself and Ezekiel, she does it for Henry more than anything. She wanted to give Henry what she couldn’t give Sophia, and that was a loving family with a good life. She did what she sought to do with Tobin, which was create as normal of a life as you could in the zombie apocalypse by playing house and raising a child with a loving husband and father. That was the dream she had that I’m sure she had wanted for Sophia but her biological father was nothing more than a sperm donor who abused her mother. With Henry, she was able to live that dream for the both of them. 

Was she ever in love with Ezekiel? I’m sure she was in some way, but I don’t think it was a soulmate kind of love, especially with what will happen in 9x16. I think she wanted to fulfill that dream within herself of wanting the normal life she never had, and give it to Henry b/c Sophia never got it. I also think she in some ways became secondary to Ezekiel b/c she just wanted to make him happy. The Carol we knew wouldn’t waste time, energy, or ppl over a lightbulb for a movie, but she did it b/c she knew it was Ezekiel’s positivity and dream that was at stake. She changed some of herself to accommodate his dreams, and she settled as well. So that’s why it’s not so much of a shocker that the moment Henry was killed, it popped their blissfully ignorant bubble that Carzekiel had created for themselves. It was an extremely heavy dose of reality, and because of the loss of that catalyst, their marriage crumbled very quickly. 

Now keep in mind I’m not saying that the death of the child equals the death of the marriage, far from it. I personally know real life couples who’ve lost kids via miscarriages, stillbirths, or accidents past the womb, and every single one of them had held each other up and became stronger with each other. In Carzekiel’s case, however, we can see partially why their relationship in particular had disintegrated. 

Carol wasn’t confiding in Ezekiel, and instead, confiding in the man whom she would deem as her best friend. Some could argue it was b/c she didn’t want to put even more pain on Ezekiel b/c he was the coparent in all this, and some could say it’s because she didn’t feel comfortable enough talking to him about it. We may never know for certain. But considering how jealous Ezekiel seems to be about Carol confiding in Daryl instead of him makes me question why she wouldn’t go to Ezekiel in the first place. Obviously the man wants her to talk to him but she’s not, so it does make you wonder if she trusts him or feels comfortable enough to do so. Which brings a whole new list of questions as to how strong their relationship was IN GENERAL b/c you would think she would feel confident enough to talk to him after being together with the man for 7 years, but hey, I’m no relationship expert...

Anyways, I find it interesting that Carol would rather speak to Daryl about her woes, and I find it very interesting the differences in how both men interact/react in regards to Carol. Ezekiel has always been a bit forceful when it comes to Carol. Not in a horrible abusive/Ed kind of way, just more of a manipulative way. He never let her be in S7 even when she asked him not to come, and kept hounding her to marry him even when she said no initially. In 9x16, he apparently speaks for her as he’s telling Daryl that he shouldn’t stay in Hilltop, that he’d rather spend some alone time with Carol. That manipulative tendency comes out full force when he tries to use Daryl’s own emotions against him to try and convince him to not stay at Hilltop.

Daryl on the other hand, questioned him immediately and asked “is that what Carol wants?”. Same situation when Daryl and Carol spoke at the Sanctuary, where Daryl (that amazingly selfless and precious man) wants whatever Carol wants to happen, happen. Her happiness is above his, first and foremost. If she tells him she wants to stay in Hilltop and he needs to leave ASZ so she could work on her marriage, you bet your ass Daryl would swallow his pride and do it because that’s what kind of man he is. He loves her unconditionally, which means he will do anything for her in spite of his own personal pain. That’s the amazing difference between the two men that Carol could see right away. Daryl will do anything for her happiness, and Ezekiel will do anything for his own happiness. 

So Carol decides to end things with Ezekiel because 1) he was being an ass to her best friend, and 2) she knew that she needed to do some healing and she couldn’t do it with Ezekiel. That latter reason is very significant to me b/c of that conversation she had with Zeke in S8. How she credited the ppl she was with for saving her after Sophia died and that she could come back again and again if she had to. But her decision to end things with Ezekiel tells me she knows she might not come back if she stays with him. All the same that she knows that she could heal and recuperate from this recent trauma by staying with Daryl and TF. She chose Daryl over Ezekiel b/c she knows that it will help her in the end. They may not be canon yet but holy jesus that speaks for itself how strong the Carzekiel ship itself actually was. 

I know someone else had mentioned this before (I think it was you @silversundown2) that it is more powerful that Carol had ended the relationship instead of finding Ezekiel’s head on the pike b/c she ended that relationship willingly instead of a death, and I have to agree. What happens in 9x16 feels like both Daryl and Carol come to a full circle. The beginning of the season you find Carol living in her fairytale with Ezekiel, describing it as “really nice” comparatively to her relationship with Ed. Yet she was still hesitant to marry him. It wasn’t until she decided for Henry’s sake to say yes. On the other hand, Daryl was still reeling over the effects of what happened with the Saviors. He didn’t trust them at all, and just wanted to get away and go back to how it was before. Daryl and Carol even had a conversation at the Sanctuary about their woes. 

Fast track to 9x16, and Caryl has another conversation at the Sanctuary, where Carol realizes that what’s best for her is to stay with Daryl and TF at Alexandria, not Ezekiel. And Daryl is going to stay with Lydia b/c he’s taken it upon himself to make sure that she’s okay and to take care of her by going to ASZ w/ TF. Both Daryl and Carol are wanting to take care of Lydia b/c they recognize themselves in her from their own past, and of course she reminds at least Carol of Sophia. Instead of running away from their demons (Carol) or taking out their anger on everything else in a vengeful irrationality (Daryl), we see them decide to go back to where they believe is the best place for both of them to heal, and to help Lydia heal from her traumas as well... 

A FULL CIRCLE

I can go on and on about how this development has basically destroyed all other paths like Miley Cyrus’s wrecking ball and left only one way to go from here, but I think I’ll save that for another post b/c this one is already long enough. 

Caryl on my loves, and enjoy tonight’s episode!!

Gif credit to @lapicesypantones. If you don’t follow her PLEASE DO BECAUSE HER ARTWORK IS BALLS TO THE WALLS AMAZING!!

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 2X16 - The Miller’s Daughter

I actually don’t have a pun this time, but if you want to read some semi-interesting thoughts on this episode, comedy bits that may or may not be funny, and for me to try to analyze costumes despite having fork all knowledge about them, then come with me and you’ll be in a world of fairytale serialization!

Press Release Cora’s desire to rid herself of Rumplestiltskin in order to take his place as The Dark One takes one step closer to becoming reality as she and Regina try to overpower a dying Mr. Gold, and Mary Margaret is once again tempted by dark magic. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, Rumplestiltskin agrees to offer his services to a younger Cora - for a price - when the king calls her bluff and orders her to actually follow through on her boast of being able to spin straw into gold. General Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness Past Cora’s psyche was FABULOUSLY written in this segment. She’s not completely unsympathetic, but seeing the things that tick her off and her suggestion of “bloodlust” as her fuel for her magic show that she’s a psychopath. She wants to torture people for looking down on her and it’s appropriately petty. Her ambitions are so strong and appealing to her that they eclipse even her sense of love. We get such a complex picture of this woman here and it frames her perfectly for the tragic fate that comes upon her in the present.

Cora, you are an evil woman but I’d be lying through my teeth if I said you didn’t rock that dress! Actually, despite knowing fork all about fashion, I want to continue. Let’s talk about the use of color in this scene. Cora’s wearing a red and black dress, though it’s predominantly red. I feel like this can be read (Or rather, RED XD ) as Cora being a person who wants bloodlust and who is finally deciding to let the blackness in her heart take over in order to get what she wants. Also lets not the silver on he dress as well in the form of the jewel or brooch (Note my lack of fashion know how), a small but noticeable reflection of the values Henry Sr. wants in a wife. And speaking of, Henry Sr. is dressed, not only in white, but white and silver. The white, of course, is his sense of goodness which does win out in the end, but the silver to me stands in for the speckle of darkness that his future endeavors with an evil Cora and an eventually evil Regina will be involved in. Finally, let’s look at the king. His clothes are roughly half black and half white. I read that as him ultimately having good intentions for his son and kingdom but being wicked for all that he puts Cora through, knowing her rank, status, and likely abilities.

While I understand that this borders of shipping stuff, and I usually separate that, I like how while Cora and Henry Sr. have a relationship that’s not at all antagonistic at the very start, they don’t spend enough time together to discover whether or not it’s love, making their dysfunction later on make so much sense. Present I have a lot to say about Snow wanting to kill Cora...just not here, if that makes sense. While I remember it going overboard in upcoming episodes (Prepare for the longest eye roll in the world when Snow goes on about how it was easy to kill Cora), it’s really well executed here. Snow riles herself up to kill Cora and when it finally happens, she realizes how she wasn’t ready for the internal consequences in regards to her heart and sense of goodness (Not to mention her safety from Regina!). Snow’s rage from the last episode’s ending is still so present, and it’s appropriately framed as a risky path she might not want to take, but just might have to.

Snow utterly GETS Regina as she’s giving her the heart. It’s horribly twisted just how much she’s able to pick on Regina’s need for a mother’s love and use that to get Regina to kill Cora. That moment really struck as the one where she realized (And me) that for as tactical as the move was, it may have been too cruel. All Encompassing I love seeing Cora as she started out because it says so much about the presentation she’s built around herself over the course of her rise to power. Cora has a fiery and snippy temper that she can just hardly control, even among the royals who she so desperately wants to be one of. The Cora of the present composes herself so well and it’s such an interesting contrast, especially in the moments when that anger does comes out.

It’s such an interesting contrast as the scene where Emma learns how to use magic cuts to the one where Cora learns to use magic. In the Emma scene, Rumple has her conjuring a mental idea of those she loves and wants to protect and why so that she can help others. Meanwhile, in the Cora scene, the ideas Rumple has Cora conjure have to deal with those she wants to harm and kill so that she can better her own status. It’s a great point of contrast not only for the two characters, BUT also for how light magic and dark magic are uniquely created. Also, given how Rumple is a Dark One who was at one point a Savior (Though I acknowledge that that might not have been created at the time), it’s great to see Rumple at the cornerstone of both lessons, showing a sympathy and understanding for both women.

“I realized no matter how good I was or how hard I worked, I was never gonna be more than I am now.” Cora and SNow are conflicting characters in this episode, and it’s so cool to see that at one point (Obviously longer for Snow by a huge margin), both women held the idea that goodness being the cause of good fortune as true. Insights - Stream of Consciousness -I love the design of Cora’s home in the past. With the placement of her father in the wheelbarrow and the dirty colors all around, it really highlights the squalor that Cora’s lived in all her life. Additionally, the castle in the still quite visible distance is the perfect thing to show her ambition to be more than she is and ascend to royalty. The melancholic music in the background just brings it all home. -Going off of my last review, I love how Eva is characterized in her small moment. The trip is pre-mediated (But in a smart way) and the Season 3 episode where they first meet even gives more of a reason as to why she was so horrible here. -Those bunks are actually roomier than I thought they’d be for a pirate ship. -I like Rumple’s subversion of expectations with Emma as he asks if she wants him to die before they return to Storybrooke. He always expects the worst out of people (As semi-justly as that mentality is) and when they show that that’s he’s wrong (whether he understands that or not) is just so nice! -”I-I’m not wicked.” You are about to kill at least four people! Yes, you are wicked! Or evil, since ‘wicked’ is more of Zelena’s schtick. -Also, Cora’s reaction to the phone call is hysterically petty. She’s like a cat. -Yes, Regina! Doubt her! (fork me with a rusty fork, the dialogue is just AMAZING here!) -*wistfully sighs* The stylized design of this ball is so beautiful. The masks, the dancing, the layout! It’s so distinct! -I have to ask: Does Cora know that that’s Henry Sr. when she originally gossips about him right to his face? On one hand, I’m not sure we’re supposed to interpret that that way, but on the other hand, it’s a very Cora thing to do. -It’s really weird to see someone on this show say ‘whore’ (“Whoring” in context, but still!). -”Cora. Sounds like something breaking.” I can’t say that I agree with you, Rumple. Cora’s a lovely name! We just need someone less evil to have it! -”Can ya read”” I think this is the first time Rumple’s actually checked to see if someone could read! He really should do that more! Like, so many of the people he deals with are defenseless peasants! So what the hell?! -Love that pen, Rumple! THAT is a deal-making pen! -”For a rainy day.” You say that a lot, Rumple. What, did a rainy day eat your dog or something? -”And there’s no coming back from death, either.” Give it a season, Rumple. And then another. And Then Another. And. Then. Another. AND THEN ANOTHER! I don’t hate this plot device, but it really happens a lot! XD -”...When he learns that you killed his grandpa.” Rumple, the other solution is her killing his adoptive grandma/great-grandma. This isn’t as much of a point in your favor as you think it is! XD -I love how they showed Emma using magic here. You really feel the step-by-step process in how it’s done. I wish they’d use that filming style more often in the future, but I guess I get that the creators acknowledge that we get the deal in the later seasons. -”I rip out his throat and I crunch his veins with my teeth.” That is amazingly disturbing imagery! Like, the writing of those lines are so impactful and frankly scary! -”To a child.” So, I don’t know if this was the fault of casting, but Eva and Cora are too close in age for the difference to be all that remarkable. -”I want their kneecaps to crack and freeze upon the stones. I want their necks to break from bending.” Another instance of disturbing as all here writing, but done so eloquently that it’s beautiful. -I like how Regina and Cora are able to pretty easily take down Emma’s protection spell together while Cora takes longer to do it on her own, showing that even though Emma’s the Savior and indeed powerful, she still has a lot to learn. -Also, good on you, Emma for giving Regina a last chance! -”WHEN YOU SEE THE FUTURE, THERE’S IRONY EVERYWHERE!” Finally! I not only now know for life where that forking quote comes from, but after referencing it time after time, it’s so good to hear it again! -Another note on the costume colors: The only time Cora rejects her ambitions are when she’s wearing her opposite color: White. The goodness in her is so overpowering! -I love the distorted version of the classic Once tune that plays as Snow is getting Cora’s heart. -”At least this cursed power will pass from this world.” I’m not sure how I feel about this line when it comes to Rumple, given how just two episodes ago, he was so on team magic, but given that the dagger both threatens his family now and caused the initial separation from Bae, I can understand the sentiment. -I’d like to think that when Cora sent Emma and Neal away, she essentially just did it via subconscious randomizer! XD -”Did you ever love me?” Given everything that happened with Milah, it makes sense that Rumple would ask this going forward with his romantic endeavors. -”I did nothing.” Yes, you did! Rumple, who the here told Snow about the freakin’ candle the second time? I love you, man, but don’t weasel completely out of this! -Something I noticed: So, I know that the point of contention with Regina blaming Snow for Daniel’s death is a hot topic (Hell, I even saw a debate about it this morning), and I can’t help but feel like this was written partially so that Regina would have a more...legitimate reason to hate Snow. Arcs - How are These Storylines Progressing? Rumple Finding Baelfire/Neal - I actually discuss there two in just a moment! Regina’s Redemption - This episode definitely shows Regina’s sense of good and evil being pit against each other and Cora is right in the middle of it. In the shop, she’s directly by Regina’s side and there, she won’t even entertain the idea of Emma’s offer to change sides. But when Cora and Regina are separated, and the idea of Cora’s real love is brought up, that’s when we see her goodness win. Cora in Storybrooke - Here concludes this arc, and I honestly loved it. Like all of the best villains and their arcs, Cora leaves so much on the floor (Apart from her corpse, that is) in terms of emotional issues for our main cast, especially Snow and Regina. The arc itself  was also well written and well paced. Not to mention, it mixed very well with Regina’s Redemption by forcing it to be turned back a bit, showing that Regina’s redemption won’t be so easy. Favorite Dynamic Rumple and Neal - These guys have a scene that’s maybe half a forking minute and they steal the god damned episode with it. Rumple finally gets to say what we all know he really wanted to say. And what I especially love here is how Neal hears him out but does not forgive him! Like, Rumple is dying and he doesn’t fully absolve him, and I think that was such a bold and brilliant thing for Espenson to do. It shows that Neal’s pain, even in this moment, still matters, and while there can be softness, that pain hasn’t gone away. It’s such a small, but insightful understanding of their relationship. Writer Jane Espenson hit the writing out of the forking park! At least a few times during the episode had such intricate language. Honestly, it almost freaks me out a bit with the imagery she painted during the ‘bloodlust’ scene with the way she has Rumple and Cora speak about the harm they wish to inflict on those who scorned them! While there are errant lines here and there that I don’t like (I jotted a few down in “Insights”, they’re so few and far between that they hardly matter. The storytelling and character work here is great, too. She took advantage of all of the little nuances from the other episodes and shows just how much attention she was paying here. Rating Golden Apple. This was a great end to Cora’s story. Intersped with two fantastic stories that connect pretty well are great character moments between our main cast. It’s incredibly solid for an episode that serves as such a big moment of culmination, but it is. It’s entertaining, heartwarming, heartbreaking, disturbing at some points, and everything else in between. The feeling of tension as the Mills/Charming-Stiltskin war comes to a head is present through the entire flashback and Cora’s backstory only shows how much of a threat she truly is. Flip My Ship - Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness” Snowing - I like how David knows Snow well enough to know exactly what killing Cora will do to her psychologically. A subtle moment like that really shows how well these two click. Golden Heart (Cora/Rumple) - I’d be lying if I didn’t say there weren’t sparks that could light the Enchanted Forest up like a menorah between Rumple and Cora. I love the way they bond over bloodlust and their kiss in front of the mirror while Cora’s in her wedding dress is a little hot! Look, I LOVE mopey dopey puppy love ships like Snowing, Rumbelle, or Captain Swan, but I LOVE villain ships! I love when a couple loves evil and each other, the exact order notwithstanding and this episode gives me exactly what I want. In another world, I would totally have had Rumple and Cora be together and have episodes and be recurring villains, but that (partially) doesn’t happen. Still, I’m grateful for what we get here. Also, I love when while Cora places her heart on Rumple’s chest, he says “I will show you EVERYTHING,” meaning his heart and love as well. I’ve also got to point out that Rumple and Cora can do that thing that the True Loves do when their kisses can be indicative of when something is wrong. Finally, Cora’s pentultimate dying words are “this would’ve been enough,” and Rumple and Regina are the only two in the scene, meaning that she would’ve wanted to be with them as a family. Rumbelle - I could honestly just put the entire phone call here and it would cover everything I want to say. It’s such a beautiful goodbye. However, I’m going to reference just a single line that comes in early on. “You are a hero.” Rumple knows how much being a hero means to Belle and that’s the first thing he tells her. It’s her ambition for herself and he places that ahead of her ambitions for him. That’s just heartbreaking. And it’s here that Rumple first says a sentiment that carries him to the series finale: “You make me wanna go back to the best version of me.” And that forking almost silent “Thank you, Belle” legitimately choked me up. ()()()()()()()()() Thank you for reading and to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales!

Wow. After all the pain that Cora caused, Storybrooke’s more or less a new town! I guess we should welcome ourselves there. ;) See you next time. Season 2 Tally (142/220) Writer Tally for Season 2: Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis: (39/60) Jane Espenson (35/50) Andrew Chambliss and Ian Goldberg (24/50) David Goodman (24/30)* Robert Hull (16/30) Christine Boylan (17/30) Kalinda Vazquez (20/30) Daniel Thomsen (18/20)* * Indicates that their work for the season is complete

Operation Rewatch Archives

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @green-eyeddragonfanfiction for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about her, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

Around 20, I think.

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

Reader inserts, definitely. I don’t mind throwing OC’s in there if I need to, though. I really like reading reader inserts. I think it’s really fun and engaging to imagine yourself in a story.

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

Super Heroes! Although I really adore fantasy. If I were to write a book, it would be fantasy.

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

I’m… not sure. I s'pose it’d have to be One Mistake, simply because I think it’s worst piece.

5) When is your preferred time to write?

Whenever I actually find the motivation to write, which usually ends up being around 1-4 am. Aka I’m a Mess: Part 1

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Have you seen this man?

I suppose I also draw inspiration from comics, movies, TV shows, and video games where applicable.

7) In your Winter’s War Series, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

Out of the entire trilogy? Dang, that’s tough. Maybe in Ghosts of War when Bucky, Reader, and Nat are sitting together, sort of like some messed up little family? If not that, then it’s probably in Winter’s War when Reader, Steve, and Bucky reunite after the Azzano goes up in flames.

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

I don’t think I’ve ever received “criticism.” I’ve received very polite corrections of some of the German in WW from some native speakers, but that’s about it (I haven’t corrected any of it yet because I’m a lazy pos).

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

Bucky Barnes. Because he’s Bucky Barnes.

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

I don’t really write characters that I don’t like. Even villains are fun to write, even if I hate them. If I had to choose, I guess it’d be Ashley Williams, from the Mass Effect series. I’ve only written her once, but she’s a damned space racist and I hate her, even if I didn’t hate writing her.

11) How did you come up with the title for the Winter’s War Series?

Winter’s War was named with the final scene of the first book in mind, as well as what reader and Bucky would be turned into for the second book; Winter Soldier(s), and the war that led them to being created. And because they “die” in the snow and ice. Ghosts of War because that’s what Reader and Bucky are in the second book. Ghosts. Shells of themselves. War torn and weary. Weapons. War of Attrition because, in the third book, they fight tooth and nail for every scrap of memory, personality, humanity, and they don’t always win. They’re going to hit a lot of roadblocks, mostly in the form of other humans, their past and their guilt, and sometimes each other.

12) How did you come up with the idea for Winter’s War Series?

I always liked the thought of a Bucky x Reader series where they both ended up as Winter Soldiers. Everything kind of grew from that. It follows very closely to the canon, so everything was trying to figure out the most believable way to weave a reader character into the existing story.

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

“Abandoned” is a strong word…. *stares guiltily at The Way I Do and Two of a Kind.* I just haven’t found the inspiration to write them recently, but I do plan on finishing them… eventually.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I plan on doing a second part for A Night to Remember when October rolls around. I also plan on adding more monster!Bucky’s to The Monster Series. My other series are complete or in progress and I don’t plan to add more to them (except to finish them in the case of the WIPs).

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

I don’t think so, no.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

@angryschnauzer​ writes absolutely divine smut. I absolutely hate writing smut, so I wish I had her skills. There are others, but she’s the first one that came to mind. If I listed out every single author on here that I admire and why I admire them, we’d be here for another ten paragraphs!

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

I only started writing back in August. Anything written before that’s been lost to the Great Laptop Death of 2017. So, luckily, most of my writing is relatively recent and cringe-free.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

I prefer listening to music (I love loud music and hate silence), but it’s distracting. My brain sometimes can’t process correctly so it tries to write the words I’m hearing instead of what I actually want to write. RIP me and my stupid brain. Aka I’m a Hot Mess: Part 2.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Haha. No. I’m dead inside. I very rarely (if ever) cry when reading, too.

20) Which part of your Winter’s War Series was the hardest to write?

Oh god the entire Agents of SHIELD part of War of Attrition. That show is so dense and woven so intricately into the MCU that it was difficult as hell to figure out where to put the reader so that it’d be relevant and set up for the next parts of the story. I love that show, but it was so hard *sobbing*.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I almost never make outlines. WoA has been the exception because, as stated above, the content was way denser and I needed a clear path to be able to write them from point A to point B. That being said, I’ve only gotten as far as just after AoU. I haven’t decided what to do with Civil War or Infinity War yet.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction?

A) How Tumblr worked and B) that it’s a terrible, terrible site with horrible coding that, if it were a person, I would shoot as a mercy. Other than that, I read a lot of fics on here before I started posting some myself, which meant I had a pretty good idea of how to format it to be reader-friendly. Still had to google a lot of stuff, though.

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

Hmmm. I’m lucky in that I think I have a lot of readers/followers who leave lots of likes/comments/reblogs, but if I had to choose one? I think it’d be my recent Steve x Reader fic, Promise.

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Oh god. Again, I’m grateful for every like, comment, and reblog I get, but By Chance. It’s by far my most popular one shot at a staggering 1,925 notes. I like the a/b/o verse, but I posted it pretty early on in my writing career and it skyrocketed which completely blindsided me. The same thing kinda happened with Dumped, Drunk, and Angry. I wrote a one shot in a day or two because inspiration hit me like a freight train, and somehow they’re both over a thousand notes now.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

I s'pose Reader is always based off of me, just a little bit? Every other character (except the rare OC) has an established personality, but if I made reader a completely faceless, bland being it wouldn’t be that fun to read, would it? So even though I’m always careful to never describe reader too much physically, s/he always ends up with at least some of my personality.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Oh goodness, I don’t know. My readers are amazingly kind people. I get a lot of asks and comments saying very, very nice things all the time. I don’t think I could choose just one if I tried..

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I was told very politely I spelled some German words wrong/used the wrong German words.

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I word vomit on my real life friend sometimes if I’m really stuck. It’s not always super useful because she doesn’t follow/watch any MCU stuff. Mostly, ideas just bounce around in my head until one sticks.

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

Yeah, most of my real life friends know. The friend I mentioned above writes fanfic, just not for the MCU. The rest are big nerds, too, so they don’t judge me.

30) What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?

I loved writing Ran Shen and Mila Hitzvig for The Bitter March arc in Ghosts of War. As far as OC’s go, Dean from my series Time is probably my favorite.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Interest in the source material has a lot to do with it. For example, I was writing easily 4k+ words a day when I was writing about the events of Captain America: the Winter Soldier. Other than that, I wait for the urge to hit me… which sometimes means I don’t write for a few days and sometimes a week depending on what’s happening in real life.

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

So far? Soulmate. A/B/O was also fun and I’ll probably write it again at some point.

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

Oh jesus, no. I have the worst memory ever. I’m lucky if I can remember things a week ago, much less years ago.

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Uhh… Not smut, I know that much. But I have this bad habit where I can’t write fluff without some angst and vice versa? I don’t think I could deal with writing cotton candy fluff for the rest of my life, though. So…. angst, I guess? But I wouldn’t be happy about it.

[the-no-good-moonite]

cortana, find “how to remove STD”

So yeah here’s my thoughts on Star Trek Discovery as of the ninth episode:

its ugly, sounds like trash, is terribly badly written and probably smells weird if in a physical format

but allow me to elaborate a bit a lot

the sound and visuals are the smaller problem admittedly; I like plenty of things that looked arse when they were first made and look like double arse now, so if the writing wasn’t so bad I would be willing to accept this as a flaw of the series and concentrate on the rest of it. as it stands...

the music just kind of being “there” is nothing new (see: large chunks of the other series), but it’s still disappointing. the sound design being terrible on top of that? that’s trash. nearly every time a ship opens fire we get minor variations on generic and ill-fitting turbolaser sounds... I mean come the fuck on. you don’t want to be restricted by tradition, go nuts, but if that’s the best you’ve got to offer you shouldn’t have 

(I realise that choice is likely a result of a directive from on high and not entirely the sound team’s doing, but it’s still executed poorly)

as for art direction... well, John Eaves is a very poor choice for how much they’re giving to him (most of starfleet it looks like? not sure who’s doing the klingons but what little I can see of them isn’t impressing me either). I don’t hate his stuff outright like some people do, but he’s very “safe” and has exactly one aesthetic that has worn out for me and compares badly to what they’re making it contemporary to here

the art direction in general is quite bad though - there’s so much nebulous shit that glows blue in the same kind of way that it legitimately confuses as to whether or not it is the same thing - and the way it’s all shot is boring and unremarkable at best. 

(and oh look, it’s another trek villain who has a colour scheme of mostly metals and neon green. get the fuck out of here)

the... space fight choreography (not sure what else to call it?) is absolutely the worst part though, it’s almost claustrophobic, everything’s jammed together like it happening in a bloody fish tank. the camera has no great desire to give us a clear view of what’s happening, or of any object other than the discovery and the ship of the dead. they almost appear to be going out of their way to avoid giving a clear look at anything else, which makes me think they’re not being given the time or budget to make models that will withstand close examination... which would be expected, but still laughable as ever

the spore drive and all the effects associated with it are ugly as sin and conceptually terrible also; I will accept no dissent on this point

sets and props are kinda “eh”, but i’ve not seen anything overtly wobble, and that’s apparently the only metric that matters so uh, good job there

so! the writing. the horrible, horrible writing.

I’m going to mostly ignore the actual dialog here, because while it is deserving of flak, it’s mostly stock phrases and interactions you’ve seen significantly better or worse versions of. so not a lot to actually say about it. I don’t like much of it and the attempts at humour are pretty lame.

what I take issue with is the overall construction of it... like they’re doing a “maybe the federation isn’t right about how it does things?” kind of thing and im onboard with that, asking questions on if the federation is really what it presents itself as has potential. but they’re not actually asking any specific questions.

and this kind of attitude pervades the whole show; there’s vague noises about stuff - maybe both sides are wrong - or whatever and the odd “aren’t we explorers?” but ultimately the show has little to no opinion on any of it (or doesn’t yet anyway), just making enough of an effort to try and get you to think it does, and then let you fill in the answer you agree with most... 

if it sounds like im leading in to a “intellectually hollow centrist liberal” kind of comparison, you fucking bet I am, because that’s pretty much what it feels like to me

I mean I expect someone’s going to try and claim they’re just going for moral ambiguity, but I struggle to think of many actual examples of that in anything, and it DEFINITELY looses any claim to such when you have characters being told that actually no, Their War Crimes Were Entirely Justified and then nobody says any different

(star trek has no substantive claim on moral consistency, but that’s just fucking indefensible, and it shouldn’t be left even slightly ambiguous if Lorca was in the right for saying that. which is kind of a recurring problem with that character, contradictory as that may appear for me to say that right after my previous comment...)

then you’ve got the portrayal of the klingons as man-eating space orks... who are doing a holy war... even if that didn’t conflict horribly with the (for star trek) more complex portrayals of klingons in the past, on it’s own it feels like it’s undermining the claims to progressiveness  just a little bit 

(well it’s part holy war and part MQGA [Make Qo'noS Great Again] but you know what I mean)

and plotwise now we’re doing... voyager? maybe in the mirror universe? I don’t know. I guess they won’t stick with it for long enough to redo voyager’s worst mistakes but why am I having SG:U flashbacks all of a sudden

funnily enough I actually like SG:U more than discovery, though that may be partly not having watched it since it aired

lost my train of thought here, uh, characters bad?

or some characters bad anyway. I like maybe half of them to some degree actually, despite the dialog and how inconsistent the portrayal of nearly everyone is in between - or within - any episode (another old problem for trek, but it’s really grating with the format here)

there’s plenty to criticise though; i’m really unsure the writers have any clear idea of what Tilly’s “deal” is (only socially awkward? on a spectrum? just “weird”? who can say!) or if Stamets is an asshole or a just good-hearted grump... there’s other things like that. maybe they’ve detailed stuff in interviews, but the show itself is terrible at communicating any clear intent

but Michael and Voq’s fake personality Ash are definitely the worst characters, so i’ll focus on them

I will maintain that Michael’s backstory is rubbish, making her Spock’s secret sister is amazingly unnecessary rubbish. on top of that, we’re told she’s a top of the line member of starfleet which is then immediately undercut by her doing something stupid and reckless that almost gets her killed (after which she then presumably irradiates everything between sickbay and the bridge...) followed by doing something stupid and reckless that gets a lot of people killed and starts a war! this is arguably the most prominent trait of the character

she kind of comes off as a suicidal maniac, is my point.  Captain Georgiou is quick to jump to a suicidal option too (and im just gonna say... most prominent asian person in the series to date... suggests a suicide attack...) 

does this version of starfleet just not do psych tests until you hit admiral? of the two that have actually done things we’ve had two walk into obvious traps, but one of them seems comparatively well adjusted

anyway, so we’ve got Michael, a pet character of some writer who changes personality every other scene and totally not Voq, we swear and Ash. who is about the most blandly likeable love interest possible, and definitely Voq infiltrating starfleet, how long are they gonna drag this secret cylon constructed memories bullshit out just bloody kill me already and also a survivor of sexual abuse (and torture) with PTSD. 

they heavily implied this was the case when they introduced the character, and then in episode 9 it was confirmed explicitly by the character in question... that’s all fine, feels like a bit of a cheap grab so they can be a “mature“ story but let’s see how it plays out... and oh.

they went and showed (what was framed as but aren’t necessarily) the events in question. this is, at best, tasteless and inappropriate

now, i’m not going to say they’re going to handle this in the worst way possible, but what they’ve done so far is making me really fucking uncomfortable! I do not have faith that this will resolve even remotely well

and then there’s the whole thing where his memories are likely 100% manufactured as cover, which has a good chance of giving this whole situation an unpleasant taste all on it’s own

I also really had no need to see these new klingons naked anyway, or any naked klingon really, and in context cable drama nudity is absolutely the worst thing they could’ve copied from game of thrones without thinking about it

anyway, that’s [however many, I don’t want to check] badly formatted and often grammatically incorrect words to say: 

The show is bad. You disagree? Ok. I disagree with you. Now nobody is happy. I would prefer to be happy. I am not.

Goodnight.

[antthonystark]

can you say something positive about this show bc i truly feel horrible and all i see are negative comments

sure thing fam! I’ve got a million and one great things to say about shadowhunters! 

the cast

let’s start with the cast…..oh man the cast, have you ever seen or heard of a lovelier group of people? a sweet and perfect redheaded angel? a cow-loving  farmer sunflower man? a sexy british rapscallion? a latina goddess who is the sweetest angel in the world? a hilarious but also very profound and extremely talent soft brooklyn hipster? the most talented dancer/human to ever grace the world who is also a complete wondeful dork? the sweetest and funniest and most wonderful person who ever did wear an ascot? they’re perfect 

nothing makes me happier than their friendships with each other and just their general sweetness :))))

i mean every dynamic of theirs is adorable and hilarious? kat and alberto’s friendship, domberto’s antics, the parabatri feels, dom’s lil crush on matthew, the esther/shelby/shumdario friendship! em being an older sister to kat!! how lovely are they all!!

and of course, of course, how earnest they are towards the show because they know how important it is to all of us, and it’s heartwarming to see all the effort that they put into the show, as well as the amount of respect and compassion they have while interacting with fans is the most wonderful thing 

and of course, the fact that the people behind the show always listen to and respond to fan feedback, positive or negative! they really care about us, and it’s lovely to see :) 

the show 

personally, i think the writing of the show has gotten amazing! season 1 was fantastic, but all of the sort of cringey dialogue and ‘wow, nobody would actually say those words’ is gone and everything is much more textured and real, and it’s really really really living up to the potential of its premise! 

it’s got a gritty NYC setting and its about badass angelic soldiers fighting a demon apocalypse, all while battling these insidious problems inside their own society as well, with no real moral high ground to be achieved, but really just a scramble for survival and trying to do the right thing,  and the tone of the new season is JUST PERFECT for that 

 i think the show has such amazing and dimensionalized relationships like i haven’t seen in a lot of much more highbrow fiction - the romantic stuff too, but i love how important and well-written platonic and family relationships are in the show! 

you look at a family like the lightwoods, and they’re so real - not just the love that they have for each other, but also the issues that they face, and the struggles between parents and children and siblings. amazing. well-written AS FUCK 

the bonds between alec and izzy and jace!! are so well-written, so well-acted!! the relationships between luke and clary/simon/maia!! astonishingly good

there’s so much texture and richness to all of them it’s crazy 

but not JUST those super close familial relationships - every single interaction has me floored with how great it is, including ‘rare’ ones like jace and magnus, or clary and alec, or clary and magnus, or magnus and izzy

every character has such great acting chemistry with one another, and so every relationship just comes across as rich and real in a way that a lot of lesser shows can’t accomplish 

let’s talk about acting! how amazingly has every cast member improved over the course of the show? even if they didn’t start off the first season as amazing, can you believe how great everyone is? how beautifully kat captured the grief of losing jocelyn in 2x05? how amazingly dom is portraying jace’s inner struggles and suffering about valentine and his identity? how much dimension and depth harry can give us in just one glance? how matt perfectly portrays the inner conflicts of a man who was never allowed to show his true feelings on his face? how beautifully alberto shows the struggle of not belonging anywhere that you used to call home? with what grace emeraude brings us izzy’s trials and suffering? how perfectly isaiah depicted not only the grief over losing everything - his world, his parabatai, the woman he loves, but also the struggles of having to get up from the pain and be there for his children? amazing. hats off to all and emmys all around 

every character also has so much - so much - dimension?

like, not a single one of the characters is the type of YA-fantasy caricature than you see so much in this genre - each of them is fully fleshed out with flaws and strengths, and each character interacts and copes with the horrible events of their lives in completely different ways, and it’s just lovely to see that kind of commitment to character even on a fantasy/action-driven show, and that not all of it has to be directly addressed and shoved in your face, but can be communicated through subtleties of acting and writing 

and each of them has their own critical/crucial role to play in the story? none of them are incidental or disposable and i love it! 

the special effects in season two are SO! damn!! good!! holy hell did you see the warlock fight this episode? beautiful! astonishing! 

i love the mythology of the show! it’s so crazy interesting to explore this world, because it’s not the type of world you see in a typical YA-low-fantasy type of setting - the shadowhunters’ society is such a new and refreshing mythology, with all of their customs and their ceremonies and their laws and myths and angels and runes - i love seeing them unveil more and more of it, because it’s honestly so original and interesting 

like did you see the rune ceremony in this ep? it was almost haunting b/c i just love thinking about this ancient order of angelic warriors and of course all of the complications of the societal hierarchies in relation to the other types of magical races

and don’t get me started on the other types of mythologies, especially warlocks! i love the idea of all these esoteric spells and potions and crap that shadowhunters don’t even know about and can’t even imagine the power of - it’s so interesting and i love how they’re fleshing it all out bit by bit 

and i love the merging of the regular urban NYC setting with the shadow word, in locales like the jade wolf, the hotel dumort, and even the insitute - how interesting and seamless it seems sometimes? it just gives the world so much texture

and of course, the romance is great! like i said, every actor has fantastic chemistry with each other - even if they’re not endgames like simon/maia or climon, they’re so well-acted and well portrayed 

malec is fantastic - i’ve almost never seen a relationship on a show portrayed with such gravitas and realness! i love how they didn’t let either character get subsumed by the relationship, but they’re also not ignoring the existence of it to give the character their own storylines independent of it 

and of course it’s so darn cute :) and harry and matthew put so much time and effort into it and im so thankful for them 

[encounter21]

Some Musings on Rule 7

This is as much my personal feelings on the matter as it is game design advice. Take that for what its worth.

Rule 7: Do not take the Piss. I don’t know the origins of rule 7, and I don’t particularly want to. It has an almost mythological quality, rule 7. It gets thrown around by almost all larpers I know, no matter what system. It is the cardinal rule of Larp. The one everyone is meant to follow.

It is of course not that simple.

Everyone’s definition of not taking the piss is different. And I am terrified whenever I go to a game I will violate this sacred trust. It’s awkward this, I acknowledge other people break it (or at least in my view they do), and it doesn’t particularly bother me (well there are some extreme cases where it has impacted my game directly, but mostly I don’t care). But the idea I might fuck up terrifies me.

Which brings me to an interesting dichotomy. Player led and ref led systems. I personally much prefer ref led. I like rules. For me they define the parameters I can play within. I had a very bad experience a couple years ago with breaking unwritten rules (I’m still sure exactly *what* I did, but apparently it was a problem) and getting pulled up on it by the head ref (out of a player base of 600). I do not like unwritten rules. I do not like not knowing where I stand. Knowing the edges of things keeps you safe.

I recently attended a player led game, the only rule was rule 7. Most people were amazingly good with that, much more than I had expected (player creativity was mainly used to make things *worse* for our band of horrible misfits not better). It was awesome. But I did not get involved in much. I was very scared that my ideas would not be good enough, that I would accidentally contradict the refs or other players, that I would in short fuck up. So I left things vague and my interactions focused on uptime. I solved no problems (I created none either. It was a bit of a wash for me as a participant though I very much enjoyed the experience). And I am ok with that.

Ref led games  are much more my comfort zone. I know where the boundaries are. I know what I can and cannot do. I know who and what my character is. Pre-written characters take this further. My character is designed by the refs. She fits into setting by default. There can not possibly be something I missed. Nothing for me to screw up. I can simply get on with playing her. My motives are beyond reproach, I have been given permission.

I am most definitely an achievement larper. What I get out of games is the feeling of having *done* something, of mattering for good or ill. In some ways the rules light games feel less like an achievement, the triumph of narrative over my actions. I am unworthy of the spotlight unless I earn it. Again the specter of Rule 7 lingers.

I have enjoyed both types of game, and also despised both types of game.  There is more to good game design than your approach to rules (I also think both of these systems are as valid as each other), and more to an enjoyable event than game design. But I find it interesting that I find the myself much better to function in a restricted game, where theoretically I have much less freedom.

I guess my thoughts are these. Different people have different comfort zones. For me having pages of brief and a well defined world is freedom. I know the edges, I can find my space. For other people freeform larp preferable. 

[book-empress]

Elantris by Brandon Sanderson

After reading, and falling in love with, Brandon Sanderson’s series “Mistborn” and “The Sormlight Archive” I decided to give his debut novel a go. And I definitely don’t regret that choice. First of all, I really appreciate that it’s only one book. Nothing more. While I love epic fantasy series, the number of books in them (Wheel of time I’m looking at you) can be a little bit overwhelming. Reading a fantasy book that’s not really a part of larger series felt refreshing. Even though the whole story is “crammed” into one book it doesn’t feel forced in any way. The plot is cleverly built with all the arcs nicely tied together. If you love fantasy you should read this, maybe while waiting for your favourite series to finally get a continuation. If don’t love fantasy it may be a good start. 

*Now comes the part where I discuss the plot more closely, so if you don’t want to know anything about the history before reading I suggest you stop now. I won’t write any huge spoilers though so no need to be afraid to carry on*

The first thing that made me keep reading the book was its premise. It’s one of the more interesting ones I’ve seen in a long time. The Elantris, city inhabitated by almost godlike creatures, has fallen. The Elantrians have changed into monsters. In the begining of the book we get the POV of the one of the people who has just turned in such a monster. Not only his probably one of my favourite characters, everything about city itself and its inhabitants is extremely intresting in my opinion. The way the fallen Elantrians function, with the pain of even the smallest bruises and cuts staying with them forever, slowly accumulating and driving them insane. The always present hunger, even though they don’t need food to survive, cause as many characters like to remind us “they’re already dead”. The misterious slime covering the once amazing city. And, finally, the magic itself. The mystery behind it. Why has it suddenly stopped working? How exactly did it work? The questions haunt Raoden (and the reader aswell) while he’s trying to find a way to survive in this dangerous city crammed with madmen.

Like that wasn’t enough Sanderson spoils us with another amazing arc of the city outside Elantris, the capital of Arelon. The story starts with two very imporant personas arriving to the city, which will soon become the field of their political battle. First one, princess Sarene of Teod is a widow of the Arelon’s prince (or “the man she has never met” again amazing premise and concept), she arrived to Arelon to get married only to find her betrothed dead, and acually already married to her. The second “guest” is Hrathen, high priest of Fjordell Empire. His mission is simple, to convert the Arelon to Fjorden religion in order to gain control over it peacefully. And Sarene is not going to let him do that. Through the pages of the book we observe their battle of wits, their amazing strategies and ways to deal with obstacles. It’s even more intresting, because Arelon’s political situation isn’t really a one of a stable country, people mostly hate the king and his system, so there can be seen signs of revolution scattered across the capital. It is truly a captivative story, in which every detail is relevant to the plot.

The only thing that wasn’t perfect in this book, were the characters. They didn’t feel 100% real, like they do in any other Sanderson’s novel. Let me get this straight, they weren’t bad, but for me, they didn’t have that special feel to them. Raoden was great, but he’s a little bit too perfect, although one might argue that it was author’s intention to create him that way. Sarene and her strong, feministic (not sure if thet’s a word, but well) in a way personality was also cool but annoying from time to time, falling in the stereothype. I can argue that Hrathen was probably the most original and intresting one. A priest who is guided mostly by logic is something unique I think. Plus, it’s always nice to see things from the invader’s point of view. Most of the secondary characters (with few notable exceptions such as Galladon, Karata, Roial and Dilaf) were kind of unmemorable and flat. Still I’m not saying they were horrible, just not as perfect as I know they could be. With amazing premise and general idea for the plot and the world characters were only great. 

My rating: 8/10 

In general I give this book a solid 8 out of ten, because it’s a good-written fantasy novel. Wordbuilding and plot design are top-notch, while characters could use a little work with them. Still the novel is intresting and gives you that just one more chapter feel. And I could write another book on how great it is it’s just one book not a series. You should definitely read it. 

P.S. just a quick side note I really love the Aons, the alphabet system similar to hieroglyphs in its concept. At the end of the book there are drawings of it, and they’re so pretty and I want to quickly adress the back cover of the book, which in my edition has hilarious text on it. It’s supposed to foreshadow the story, but it’s amazingly absurd once you read first 50 pages 

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

Midnight Hub is a Swedish indie studio run by former Mojang and Paradox developers. Right now we're hard at work with our story-driven mystery game Lake Ridden. Feel free to reach out on Twitter if you got any questions!

This post was originally posted on our developer blog, by our talented art director Erik Nilsson. By posting it here we hope to spread his advice on how to make a kickass art portfolio when applying for a games industry job! So, without further ado, here are Eriks' advice in his own words:

A few weeks back I found all of my usual artist work for Lake Ridden replaced by one thing: sorting through applications we had received for the available 3D artist intern position. We only had one spot but dozens of applications, so for me that meant portfolio reviews, meetings, emails and interviews all day long.

I really don’t mind it, I love looking at other people’s artwork, but as I began to dig into the pile of emails from students, one thing became clear to me: no one had taught them about presentation or what a good portfolio should look like. Almost all of the applications needed the same kind of pointers. 

An example of concept art for a "hero prop". This was actually the art test we sent some of the artist applying for the internship at Midnight Hub. Each enlarged item tells a story and shows that there is a thought out idea behind the prop.

Knowing how to create and present your portfolio when you apply to a game company, is just as important as having awesome 2D or 3D skills. If you have a badly presented portfolio you will struggle to find work.

This all left me very frustrated, portfolio creation should be a mandatory part of any game art education by now. You can't just teach people a software and then expect them to get jobs, they are competing with every other artist in the industry, or at least the country. And some of those other people certainly know how to present a portfolio.

So! In this blog post I have assembled a few tips on what I think every artist should take to heart, student or not, hopefully it will help some artists that are just now searching for their first game art job or internships. Get ready for some tough love!

Portfolios Are Really Important!

Your portfolio is king. As an artist it is the single most important information about yourself you can send to a company. Of course a short (like half a page max) personal letter is also important too: personality and teamwork is a vital part of game development after all. But as an Art Director, the first thing I will look at is your portfolio.

I don’t really care about your resume, it's always a nice bonus if you have some experience from another company, if you have shipped a title before, or are able show that you can work with other people. All that is great, but none of it matters if your portfolio is no good. As an AD I might have 50 other portfolios to review after yours, and unfortunately I don’t have the time to read a really long personal letter. If your portfolio is not interesting, an AD usually won’t bother with the other stuff.

Our producer Sara wrote a short blog post about on how to apply to a game company in general, check it out here.

Keep It Clean and Simple!

So, since ADs' and recruiters' time usually is very limited, you need to make their work as quick and easy as possible. I want to open an email, press a portfolio link and immediately see your three best pieces of artwork. One click, bam! Your best art right in front of my eyes! Don’t make me search through your email for the portfolio link, don’t make me wait for a long loading time, don’t make me download a plug-in that I might not have on my pad and never send me your portfolio as a zip. 

A robot concept from my own portfolio. As you can tell all the info you need is collected at one place, without any distractions. The contact info is included.

When I say a “good” portfolio I don’t necessarily mean a pretty looking one, don’t spend time decorating your website or blog with flashy fade effects or “cool” layouts. I am there to look at your impressive 3D models, not your pretty website, after all, I am not looking for a web-designer, right? A simple, neutral background color with a bunch of images and some contact info is all I need.

Always put your contact info somewhere at the top of every page in your portfolio, just make sure it’s not distracting me from your pretty pictures. Don’t send me just a demo-reel (unless you apply as animator), or a Sketchfab page. They are cool, but they take time to open and are usually a bit clunky. I want a portfolio page (with your reel on, if your an animator, Youtube embedding works fine). I really don’t want to open a Sketchfab window unless the model looks really cool. And they might not always give me the best first impressions of your artwork. Give me a portfolio with simple images so that I can quickly look at all of your art, even on a phone. Then give me the option to look closer through Sketchfab.

Website or Blog?

It will always look really cool if you have your own website, but today you usually don’t need one. A simple blog with your art on is often enough, or why not use Art Station? A lot of people do, it’s easy to use, clean and most ADs already know how it works. With that said, it does look a bit more professional with your own site.

What Should I Put In My Portfolio? 

When making art for your portfolio there are a few rules you should consider: 

1. Quality before quantity - You only want to show me the best images you got. If you are uncertain on a piece: drop it! Bad images might actually cast doubt on your best ones. I would much rather see five strong images than one good and fifteen mediocre or bad ones. Remember, my time is limited, if I only see three images make sure it’s your best work.

2. Generalist or specialist - Figure out what kind of company you want to work for. Or figure out what kind of work you want to do - large companies usually want people that can specialize.

If you love making every detail on a high poly rifle look kickass, but not much else, chances are you are more suited for a job at a big company. They have tons of people hired to work there and they are competing against the most advanced tech in the industry. Because of this, they would rather pay you for doing one thing amazingly awesome, than doing a lot of different things really well.

Small companies on the other hand (like we at Midnight Hub), usually don’t have the money or space to hire a lot of people, so for them it’s usually more important that you have a broad skillset. They can’t really hire you to only sit and do rifle parts all the time.

3. Adapting to what a company is looking for - If a company is looking to hire an environment artist it’s probably a really good idea for you to have some environment art in your portfolio.

You can’t always adapt your portfolio to everyone’s needs, but if you are really interested in applying for a specific position, and you don’t have anything close to that in your portfolio already, it might be a good idea to make a new piece just for that! For example, if you want to work as a character artist on The Division, try making a next gen post-apocalyptic survivor character for your portfolio before applying.

4. Presentation - Presentation of your art is key for your portfolio. A good model can easily look horrible with the wrong composition and/or lighting. If that’s the case it will also show the AD that you don’t understand these basic artistic concepts. But having good composition and lighting will not only show that you understand this, they can also help your art stand out from the crowd.

A nice 3D environment piece by my friend David Österlind. It tells a story and works great as a beauty shot. It also contains a fairly large amount of props and textures that can be shown in separate images along with their wireframes and maps. 

The same can be said for texture work and design, you want to find some way for your art to stick out from among the huge pile of other artist portfolios. Another really important thing to show in your presentation is workflow. For a 2D artist this can mean including thumbnails, sketches and variations under the final rendered design. For 3D artist you usually want to show one or two beauty shots, with a wireframe, maps, triangle count and maybe a few close-ups or in-game shots.

5. Storytelling in your presentation - Telling a story with your art is another great way to stand out. If you have a concept image of a character, try doing a few more concepts from the same world, maybe a monster, maybe a location, maybe the hero and the villain etc.

With 3D you can do the same thing, or maybe do an animation. If you made a cool tree, try putting it into a game engine, build a scene, light it, maybe add a few plants etc and try to tell a story about the location. Use that as a beauty shot and include another more technical image containing all of the props, maps, wireframes etc. Present your art in a context, rather than just as a bunch of separate images. This will show that you understand storytelling, workflow and pipelines, after all, this is probably how you would work at a real company! 

A few quick environment sketches i did a while back, they are all based on the small black thumbs and they are all set in the same world. This gives a context and a meaning when they are put together. This shows I have an understanding for the 2D workflow.

Time To Summarize!  

1. Portfolio is king. This is your single most important piece about yourself as an artist. Make it awesome!

2. Clean and simple. Art Station works fine. One click, bam! Your best art right in front of the art director's eyes.

3. Quality before quantity. When in doubt, don’t include the piece.

4. Adapt - what kind of games do you like making?

5. Presentation is 50% of the work. Include your items in a scene or put them together in exciting ways!

Thanks for the read and hope this helps! Feel free to ask me in the comments if you think I forgot something you consider important! Also, we managed to find a great 3D artist who will soon join the team, but more about that later. Now, go make some awesome art!   

- Erik