#and EVERYONE should be mad regardless if you've lived it or not

[inniave]

and another thing

even if kendrick *had* been molested, how does that make the allegations any lesser? kendrick has every fucking right to be angry about this regardless of his own history with the subject. like what the fuck????

[minhosimthings]

For Love to Exist: A Hyunjin Fic

Synopsis: In which Aphrodite makes a plan for two loveless souls.

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin × Fem!reader, includes rest of Skz (side characters)

Word count: don't know but it's really long

Warnings: Fluff, angst, slow burn, mentions of self harm, and mental abuse, reader is an orphan, mentions of food and drink. She/her pronouns used, reader has scars on her skin

A/N: this is sort of a self indulgent fic for me and it is dedicated to all the people in my life who have made me feel like I am worthy of love again. This is based off of my own experiences due to my abusive past and how I let those go with the help of the people I've met here in university. I based Y/N off of myself (I hope you don't mind) because I feel like Hyunjin would be the type of person to love s person, regardless of their past, and ignorant of their future (and also I'm too delulu for Hyun rn). I dedicate this fic to all the people around the world, who feel that they do not deserve a red heart, and an I love you everyday. I dedicate this fic to the little girl inside of me, who still thinks that she is unworthy of love.

For love to exist, souls should exist too. For love to breathe, souls should take a deep breath too. For love to live, souls should learn how to live too. But for you, souls simply did not exist. They were just imaginary things made up by boring adults to tell children why they married their partners, to mask whatever what going on in reality. Why would anyone believe in souls and hearts and bonds and all that bullshit? Kids, of course, believed it.

You, on the other hand, were taught by cold eyes, ever since forever. Cold eyes had taught you that warm ones always lied and that love was just a fairytale made up to increase the population of earth. Cold eyes told you that June wasn't about pretty flowers and sundresses. They taught you it was about the burning sun and the heatwaves. Cold eyes taught you that flowers were nothing more than biological creations of two genetically unique organisms. Cold eyes taught you that the world was just the Earth, just a globe and that the universe didn't care for a tiny speck like you.

Work, Eat, and sleep. Those were the only things you did with passion. Those were the only things in your life that you noticed and yearned for. It was painful to watch your coworkers at the company, who were below you, enjoy life so much. As chief editor, you had less work than they did, yet they saw life as a chance. They saw life as a chance to enjoy the fruits of the universe, while you still saw life as a scarred being. Funny, how you thought that everyone else was mad to have love in their lives, yet there you were with scars on your chest, both physical and mental, going unnoticed by the minute.

Until Hyunjin came into your life.

Hwang Hyunjin. Step son of your goddamned boss. You were told that he would be working alongside you as both an assistant editor and as a new cartoonist, replacing Mr Park, who had resigned five days ago. You groaned at the idea of having someone follow you all day, asking you if you needed anything. You were better off without an assistant or a cartoonist. But your magazine wasn't the leading magazine in South Korea for no reason. The illustrations provided alongside the thigh slapping articles always provided the greatest entertainment to the millions of readers. Mr Park was an old man, who was always quiet and mostly kept to his drawings, exactly your preference. Someone who doesn't annoy you or ask about your love life because apparently, at 23, a woman has nothing better to do. But a man, your age, who you've heard used to be a singer in a band, yeah that wasn't going to work with you.

Your boss had introduced you guys on his first day. He was.... surprisingly handsome. His eyes were like a kitten's, small and glittery, as if Andromeda had poured all her stars into them. His nose and jawline were so sharp, in total contrast to his gaze, soft and pinkish. You wondered why all those thoughts were coming into your head. Never before had they had even touched your mind, when you saw other men and women around you, no matter how pretty they were.

He worked in silence. Complete silence. He wouldn't even move his chair or anything. The desk on which he worked was so pristine and organized, very much like yours, exactly like yours. But there was an aura with which he worked on piece of paper with a black ink pot that you could only dream of having. It was like the sky favoured him, sunlight illuminating all of his features, including some tiny moles on his face. You couldn't help but admire his serious face, headphones in, with an ink stained brush moving swiftly across paper, tracing the tiny dots and lines of whatever he was making. You had first approached the company as a cartoonist yourself, having the skills because of an art minor. But soon the director saw you better as a journalist and slowly but surely you moved your way up the ladder to become chief editor. And when you saw other people doing something you used to love doing, you wondered if you hadn't accepted the job as an editor, would your life have been so mundane? So brown and still?

"Um Miss Y/N?" A voice broke you out of your stupor, starting you and getting your mind away from the articles on your computer screen. Hyunjin was standing next to you, holding pieces of paper in one hand and his brush in the other. He had a dab of ink sprawled across his nose. Cute, you thought.

"I, uh, finished the illustration for the first article you sent. Are they ok?" He gave you five pieces of paper, all with funny intonations on them, a cookie wearing hat, and an iguana wearing a DJ's glasses. It was cute, really cute you thought, as you gave them back to him, nodding in approval and shooting him a small smile. "You have ink on your nose, did you know that?" You pointed out to him, handing him a tissue from your tissue box, which he took and immediately disappeared behind his computer, wiping his nose aggressively. Cute, so cute.

You usually left work at eight thirty, not too late and not too early that you'd miss your tea. But something made you want to stay back today. Someone, specifically. Hyunjin told you that he usually went home by ten, since he didn't do much during the night. You refrained from telling him when you went, lest he question why you stayed back today.

"Miss Y/N I'll be heading out now. Good night." He held up his olive green bag and waved goodbye to you. Something inside of you wanted to say 'Wanna go together?' but you had always ignored that something so you instead waved back to him and started picking up your things.

That day, the old grandmother at the ramen shop you always went to said something was different about you and told you to smile more. You didn't know whether or not that was a complement but you took it willingly along with spicy ramen with beef.

"Miss Y/N I-" "Hyunjin stop call me Miss. Im your age. Just call me Y/N, alright?" You finally got that sentence out of your mouth after keeping it in for an entire week. An entire week Hyunjin addressed you with honorifics and today you wanted to tell him that just your name was enough. Just your name coming out of his mouth like a sweet melody was alright. "Oh well ok Y/N." He said with some difficulty, feeling awkward not using the proper words. "I wanted to say that lunch break began over two hours ago and you still haven't got up from your seat, so I uh bought you something. I asked your co workers what you usually eat so um yeah." He did what? You looked down at his extended hand, holding a box of your usual Ramyeon and an americano. You silently took the food from his hands, shooting him a quick 'thank you'. He deserved more than that, but at that moment, all your shocked brain could do was that.

Someone cared for you. Someone noticed that you weren't eating. Someone noticed how you stayed on this cold October day. And that was sort of sweet? Someone did that for you and for once it seemed he did not want anything in return. That couldn't be true, you thought as you silently ate your Ramyeon, all the while shooting tiny glances at Hyunjin, who was once again immersed in his drawings. Seeing him so deeply imbued in an art, which provided him a job, was so endearing to look at. He was doing something he enjoyed, while earning money for it. Isn't that what everyone in the world would love?

"Um Hyunjin? Hyunjin." You snapped your fingers in front of Hyunjin, who had his headphones on, with that brush back in his hand. He looked so cute, being broken out of his hypnotised state. His eyes blinked at you for a few seconds, before he took the headphones off and greeted you. "What is it Mi- I mean Y/N?" God he was so handsome. He was in a loose baby blue sweater and white pants today. He looked so dainty and fragile as if you touch him and he'll break. "I uh wanted to thank you again for the food today. Um. Any way I can thank you for it? Maybe buy you a coffee?" You could feel your cheeks getting redder by the moment. Even if he couldn't see the blush, you could definetly feel them. If your guardian angels were watching you right now, they'd be saying 'Y/N get your ass up and stop blushing so much.'. "Oh. Um uh" Hyunjin stuttered for a bit before checking his watch. Nine thirty am. There was still half an hour left to go home, meaning you both had enough time to grab a coffee and perhaps a bagel or something tasty.

"Oh course Y/N. But please do not pay for my food. You need not repay me for lunch." Your pleas for that sentence went unheard, as Hyunjin kept saying that he didn't want anyone to pay for him, reasoning that lunch was a basic human need and he was just helping his co worker out. Something about the way he defended himself and explained things was so adorable. It was like a ferret explaining why it's fur is white and why it's ears are so round.

"This is surprisingly good." You commented, as Hyunjin and you sat by the little round table in the coffee shop, drinking Americans and eating Macarons. Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at you, watching as you are your pistachio Macaron. "You never had a Macaron before in your life?" You shook your head at his question, trying to swallow your bite of the Macaron quickly, so as to answer his question. "No actually." You managed to cough out after what seemed like five hours of you chewing the sweet dessert. "I don't have a preference for sweet things. I used to but I grew out of it." Hyunjin looked up at you, from staring at his shoes. "You used to? Well I always used to believe that a sweet tooth could never grow out of their preferences. Turns out I was wrong then." The corners of your mouth twitched as your heart itched not to say 'why are you so perfect?' to the man sitting in front of you. "So what musicians do you listen to?" It was now your turn to look up at him with wide eyes. It was funny how both of you were eating food together like two normal human beings, yet neither of you dared to look at each other, or maintain direct eye contact for more than a fraction of a second. "Pardon?" You asked him, eyebrow raised and foot tapping on the floor. He stumbled back a bit and said, in a apologetic tone, "Oh I didn't mean to impose. Im sorry. I just thought, you know we see each other every single day, and I have never gotten to know what my coworker likes a dislikes so um.. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." Seeing him apologize like that was like seeing a puppy apologize to a black cat. You probably looked scary right now, with your expression and your rigid figure, so it made sense for Hyunjin to react like that.

"Oh it's alright Hyunjin." You said, shooting him the tiniest smile ever. "People don't really ask me questions about myself that often so I was kind of taken aback." Hyunjin just nodded and hummed in response to your bland statement.

That night, when you went home, you thought to yourself, about how much you missed human interaction. Most often disassociation and loneliness were your favourite drugs, but Hyunjin asking you a simple question about your favourite singer, made those drugs seem pleasure less. Your therapist would have probably looked you up and down and immediately told you that you were in love, being the hopeless romantic he was. People were scared to approach you. You, with your head held high in the air, your gait threatening that of Hera's, and your expression, cool and wicked. But Hyunjin just casually asked you what musicians you listen to, as if he had known you for years and he was meeting up with you again, at a school reunion. It was shocking to you, how he could just say that, without stuttering. Yes he did stutter later on, but it was so adorable the way he apologized to you, hands nervously palming at his fingers and nose silently twitching. Maybe friends weren't so bad after all, you thought, as the stars looked at you in pity, talking amongst themselves, about where had God gone wrong with you.

A sticky note? Your boss never left sticky boss for you. Usually his assistant to deliver you messages. So who wrote this mysterious pink sticky note, stuck to your computer with a smiley and something written on it? You had arrived at work after Hyunjin today, who, once again was is a hypnotic state, lightly bobbing his head to whatever was playing inside of those blue headphones. You slightly suspected that the note was probably his, as you sat down on your chair, hanging your bag in the usual place beside your table. You pulled off the note from the computer and examined it closely. There was something written on it with a glittery purple pen.

I scared you yesterday with my question. So I'm going to ask you through a note. What musicians do you listen to? (PS you can answer through a sticky note too)

You noticed Hyunjin kept giving you small glances from time to time, only taking his eyes away from his art for a fraction of a second. Cute, you thought, really cute. This was by far the cutest thing he had done. You silently took up a glittery blue pen from your drawer and wrote some sentences on a different sticky note, knowing when you were going to stick it.

"Hyunjin could you do me a favour?" You tapped on his desk to alert him. He looked up at you once again, with those same doe eyes. You noticed the ink once again splattered on his nose. "Yeah?" "Could you take this up to Mr Kim once and ask him if this is how he wanted the article to be edited?" You handed him a blue file to take it upto your boss, which is silently took and went up to the boss's office, giving you enough time to stick the note onto his computer. You made a last minute addition to the note, before rushing off to the canteen, lest Hyunjin catches you in your mischievous act. Even though it was just sticking a note to your co worker's computer this felt like the most amazing thing you had ever done in your life, the most daring.

Where had you gone? Hyunjin had come back to his desk after handing off the file to the boss, who said he'd give it back tomorrow, only to find you nowhere to be found. He swore that he had saw you here just a second ago. Where had you gone now? Shrugging his shoulders and telling himself that you had probably taken a bathroom break, he sat back down on his desk, ready to complete the illustrations for the day, that you had given him yesterday, when he noticed something stuck to his computer. A green sticky note. Could it be? Did you respond to his very creepy, weirdo nerd way of asking you a question in order to get to know you better?

When Hyunjin sat down on his chair, and slowly pulled the sticky note out, he sweated that his heart had skipped a hundred beats (or 143 beats hehe). Your loopy handwriting was scrambled on it with sparkly blue ink.

This is very middle school of us to be passing notes in work but I like listening to Lana del Rey, Florence and The Machines, a bit of k-pop and lot of classical music. Now you answer my question along with your own question. What is your favourite ice cream flavour? (PS you have ink on your nose)

Hyunjin's soul was doing backflips in his stomach. Having an obsession for love, he wondered whether this was how Cupid felt like when he shot his first arrow. You listened to the same artist he did. He absent-mindedly wondered about what question to ask you next when you came out from the canteen, carrying lunch for the both of you. "Oh hey Hyunjin." You said in what you hoped wasn't an over active tone. "I uh got you lunch to pay back for when you got me lunch and um here you go." You awkwardly handed him the cup of spicy tteokbokki along with some other dishes and an Americano. As if returning the awkwardness, he mumbled a sheepish 'thank you', grabbed the food and hid behind his desk. Somewhere in the clouds Aphrodite was sighing, not knowing what to do with you two.

After a few hours, when you had gotten up to go the boss's office, Hyunjin saw his golden chance and took it. He scribbled his question onto a pink sticky note and quickly stuck it to your desk, frantically sitting back on his chair and pretending to be focusing on his cartoon which had long been completed.

Happiness. Happiness was all you and Hyunjin felt that night, when both of you parted ways. It was that happiness which a fourteen year old gets when their crush pays attention to them. It was mischievous happiness, as both you went home and pondered about questions and answers. Middle school romance was something neither of you had, with him not finding the correct person, who would love him for who he is, and you just not wanting love anymore. Aphrodite would be probably be smiling right now, twirling her roses and she makes the next part of her plan.

"Hyunjin! Over here!" It was raining very heavily today and you had chosen this very day to not take your car. Apparently Hyunjin had done the same thing, as both of you saw other close to the cafe a distance from your work. He didn't have an umbrella and you had spotted him running over in the direction of your work, blue hoodie gripped tightly over his head. "Did the universe have to choose the day I didn't get my car to rain?" He shouted at you as you both were shielded by your umbrella. "I was thinking the same thing!" You shouted back at him. "Let's get inside the cafe!"

The cafe thankfully wasn't crowded at all, and as you took off your coat and shoes to dry, you appreciated the heat coming from inside the cafe. It was on the more traditional side, with a wooden interior and sepia toned plants hidden in mud pots.

"Oh great." Hyunjin sighed. He was holding his phone is his hands, having taken off his hoodie and his shoes before you did and setting his bag down at a table for two. "Boss just texted. Work's cancelled for three days straight." "So we went through all that rain for nothing?" You deflated on the comfy chair, opposite Hyunjin, who was revealed to be wearing a dark blue shirt underneath his baby blue hoodie. "Well damn it. What do we do now? I didn't bring my car and neither did you. Do we have to wait out the storm here?" You asked him, wiping your face with a handkerchief. "Well we can." Hyunjin responded. "I think the owner will probably let us." You raised a brow at him at that statement while he just stared into space, as if expecting an alien to show up any moment. "How do you know the own-" "HWANG HYUNJIN YOU FINALLY DRAG YOUR ASS HERE TO SEE ME."

A very loud voice rang through the cafe, accompanied by a much quieter 'Hyunjin's here?'. Hyunjin groaned and buried his face in his hands, as a handsome man with olive skin, brown hair, and the prettiest nose ever, came striding up to your table, wearing the uniform of the cafe. He promptly pulled up a chair and collapsed onto it, next to Hyunjin, all the while playfully glaring at him. "Hey Minho hyung." Hyunjin mumbled, not looking directly at whoever this Minho was. The other man clicked his tongue out of disapproval and said, "Say that louder would ya? And why have you not been coming to visit me and emotional dump on me for like two weeks? Oh and who's this lovely young lady?" He looked into your eyes at that last bit, startling you a bit, at how round and black his eyes were, like tiny little boba balls. "I'm Y/N." You extended a hand forward. "L/N Y/N" Minho took your hand and shook it with a firm grip, before getting up and slightly bowing to you. "Well Miss Y/N, may I get you anything? Perhaps something which is not an Americano, which is what this monster" he motioned to Hyunjin "drinks?" You gave him a calculator look before saying, "Oh. Um I would like an americano actually and probably one for Hyunjin too please." Minho looked ever so slightly taken aback by your words. "As you wish!" He declared before giving Hyunjin and a smirk and leaving.

"So who was that?" You asked Hyunjin, whose ears were burning red. With a sigh, he put his elbows on the table, burrying his head in them.

"That was Lee Minho. A college mate of mine, who opened a cafe with a friend of his, soon after graduation, because apparently he didn't want to get into a boring job." He chuckled slightly at that. "He's a mentor to me. He's like I think two years older than me and he treats me like a damn baby. But it's fine cause I'm the one who helped him cheat on his exams so I get free shit here."

"Americano for two?" Oh hey Hyunjin!" A freckled boy had come up to your table, americano filled cups in his hand. His skin was porcelain, like glass, dotted with star like freckles, with blonde hair framing his beautiful face. "Hey Lix." Hyunjin patted the boy's back, as he set the coffee down on the table. "How's your mum now? Is the treatment working?" A smile never seemed to leave this boy's face, as he sat down in the chair which Minho had pulled up earlier. "She's good now. Much better! I've been sending her some brownies every now and then but she's still disappointed because apparently her son won't get a girlfriend." He slightly pouted as Hyunjin chuckled lightly. "Oh who's this? Wait are you-" the boy looked at you with excited eyes, before gasping and turning his head to Hyunjin. "Is this the Y/N you told me about?" He excitedly extended a hand towards you, which you took, experience pleasure at his soft grip and hands, which was in stark contrast to Minho's handshake. "I'm Felix! Lee Felix. Nice to meet you! Y/N right?" The amount of happiness radiating from this boy was so much that you thought he was probably the reincarnation of Helios himself. "Nice to meet you too Felix. I'd introduce myself, but judging from your excitement I believe Hyunjin's already told you about me." You gave him a smile, which he returned. "Yah Felix!" Minho's voice came from across the wooden walls. Felix groaned and got up from his chair saying goodbye to both of you and rushing off to Minho.

"They're really nice." You told Hyunjin, sipping on your americano. It was nice and weird to have people like you for who you are. It was kind of alien to you, to meet two people who knew about you. It was even more alien of Hyunjin to tell people about you. What could people tell about you? What fragments of your being attracted Hyunjin that he told his friends about your existence?

"Y/N are you ok?" Hyunjin's voice broke your mind from staring at the rain pouring outside. The storm had calmed down now and it was just lightly drizzling, drops staining the window, racing against each other. "Oh yes I'm good. Sorry."

"So you wanna talk about the notes or should we keep it a middle school secret?" Hyunjin's question rang across your brain, and as you sipped on your americano, you couldn't help but notice how innocent that question was. It was just a question. It wasn't an interrogative question, which you'd be punished for if you didn't answer. You fingers unconsciously went up to your wrists when you thought about that question. "What do you suggest? I'm alright with answering the question in person, instead of exchanging notes." You responded, keeping your tone casual, so as to not reveal the fast pace of your heart beat.

Hyunjin smiled at you and sipped on his americano again. "My favourite ice cream flavour is pistachio. And I also like listening to Lana del Rey and classical music. My turn now." He leaned forward slightly. "A song which you could listen to, for all eternity?" Musical questions were what you enjoyed the most, having being in love with music ever since your ears picked up the tune of twinkle twinkle little star. Hyunjin's question seemed hard, since your favourite song changed every few seconds and you couldn't just choose one melody to pleasure your ears for all of eternity. "Hmm" you responded after a while. "Probably Love by Lana Del Rey." "Why so?" Hyunjin asked.

"Because along with having an amazing tune and the greatest vocals ever," you started your lecture "It's also such a deep song. The way she is symbolising young love is so beautiful, from the way she alters her voice at certain lines to the lyrics themselves. I especially fell in love with the chorus because it signifies such a beautiful matter of being so much in love that even the tiniest actions can seem like elephantine gestures. Even that lyric 'The world is yours and you can't refuse it' it's so pretty. It's symbolising that feeling of ruling the world when you fall in love. Or atleast I think it does. I've never fell in love so."

You fell quiet after your rambling, hoping that it didn't freak him out how much you knew about one particular song, which you definetly did not write an entire essay about. L/n Y/n you've done it again. You've scared a person off because of your rambling about your hyperfixation because you have nothing else to love. Great job, you thought.

But as you looked over at Hyunjin's face, it was happy? His eyes were wide and his lips were slightly parted as if thinking what to say, his americano straw remained in his mouth, but he wasn't sipping on it. He was in total awe, something you couldn't see.

"That- that was amazing." He said after a pregnant silence. "I never thought about songs that way honestly. But I think from now on I'll start thinking of it like that." God his smile was so handsome. The way the corners of his mouth stretched and the way his lips always slightly parted, it was all so pretty. And since when have you became so observant? To notice a man's manner of smiling?

Aphrodite smiled again in the clouds, calling for her chariot, to take a ride across the sky, making up the next step of her masterplan.

It was still pitter-pattering outside the window as both of you finished your drinks. You declined Minho's offer to eat, since you had already ate a lot for breakfast and you weren't feeling hungry. You tasted a bit of Felix's brownies, for which you complemented the freckled boy so mich to point where his glass skin turned into stained red glass.

"God the rain is stopping, how the hell are we going to get home?" Hyunjin sighed, as he meant back in his chair. You both had put your shoes, hoodie and coat back on and were staring out the window. You had an idea in your mind. A peculiar idea. An idea unlike you. An idea made by your heart controlled mind. You know how they say that we should never let our heart control our brain? Well sometimes, just sometimes, in the tiniest moments, we could let it control our being just a little bit.

"Doyouwanttocomeovertomyhouseitsreallycloseby" "I beg your pardon?" Oh great you spoke the easiest sentence in the fastest way you could possibly imagine. You should probably get the Nobel Prize for the most awkward person ever. Taking a deep breath, you made eye contact with Hyunjin (perhaps for the first time) and said, "Would you like to come over to my house? It's close by and I can drop you off at your house if I get my car." Hyunjin looked slightly taken aback by your suggestion, and as he pondered over it with a series of 'ohs' and 'ums', you mentally scolded yourself. How could you never say the right thing ever? How did you manage to say the wrong thing every single time? How did you manage to scare off every person every single time? Were you really not capable of love? Was your mother really right?

"If I don't impose Y/N, I would like to come over to your house. I should actually probably get going home too, so I accept your offer, only if it doesn't bother you." Your heart lifted from where it was earlier. Listening to the words coming out of Hyunjin's mouth in the soft tone, was something so comforting to you. It was like the smell of old books, like the way flowers moved in the wind, like the way wine swirled in a wine glass and like the way melodies danced to the beat of a song.

"This is your house?" You and Hyunjin had walked all the way to your house, shielded by his umbrella. It was safe to say that your house was a very luxurious one, in the more expensive side, courtesy to your high profile job. It was a two bedroom house, with the most beautiful terrace and balcony anyone had ever seen, which gave a view of the Seoul skyline. "It's beautiful." Hyunjin breathed out. "Come inside." You said, taking off your shoes at the entrance and unlocking the wooden door. "Want some food?" Hyunjin shook his head as both of you entered your house, his mouth dropping on seeing the interior. You had a conversation pit inside your house, much like one of those 80's sitcoms, and it was the most queer thing in your house. It was purple and magenta, with white finishings and a pretty carpet, sitting below a glass table. "It seems the interior is much prettier than the exterior." Hyunjin said, as you both entered the pit, sitting down. You sheepishly smiled and mumbled a thank you, before getting up to get him some water, even though you both had downed a big cup of americano.

"Your books are really interesting." You had started showing Hyunjin around your house, and when you reached the library portion, he wouldn't move from there. Granted, you did have a pretty library, decorated with fake moss and hanging vines, which made it look like a shelf growing out of the forest. "What is so interesting about them?" You asked him as he stroked the book covers with his fingers, to which he smiled and pointed to the last two books. "Their arrangment is fascinating first of all. I mean The Animal Farm and Pride and Prejudice are sitting together, as if going for a tea party. Did you arrange them yourself?" You only nodded to his question, too scared to answer. "The second interesting thing about this bookshelf is that all the books are so dual to each other. You have Harry Potter-" he pointed to the topmost shelf, "then you have 1984-" his fingers went to a handsome leather book, "and then finally you have a pop up children'd book." He laughed pointing to the bottom most shelf, where a glittery pink book lie. You blushed, as you saw that book. It was the book, which your best friend at the orphanage had given to you, before she was taken away. You cherished it a lot, it being the only form of love you had ever recieved in your life. "Woah you have Taylor Caldwell too!" Hyunjin said, excitedly, his fingers bouncing on the shelf closest to him, where a series of faded books lie. "Do you want them perhaps?" You asked him, to which he gave you a sad smile. "I've always loved her since the age of eleven but I could never buy any of her books, courtesy to my mum thinking they're too 'westernised'." "You can take some if you want. I hardly ever read these ones." You pulled out some of the books and put them in his hands. He looked surprised and his eyes widened at you. After much trial and error, which included him refusing to take the books, and you threatening to leave him out in the rain if he didn't take them, he finally stuffed then into his bag, thanking you over and over again.

The car ride to his home was fun, to say the least. Hyunjin narrated some funny stories with Minho and Felix, and a few of his other friends. You were shocked to find out that he used to be in a band, where he played the drums. "You must play them for me one day." You said, as you pulled up to a light. "as payback for the books." Hyunjin gave you that sweet smile again, causing your brain to malfunction.

"Thank you for the ride home Y/N. And for the books." Hyunjin said as you both pulled up to his house. "Say I have a question." He said, before unbuckling his seatbelt (drive safely kids). "Would you ever be interested in spending your lunch break with me everyday? Cause I really like talking to you and I don't have many friends at work. Only if you want to though!" God he was so adorable with those round eyes and those cute cheeks. Was he actually so cute or was your hopeless brain just making it up?

Aphrodite sighed again as she watched you silently from the bushes, happy that you were going on the right path, but worried about the trajectory of your mind.

Spending time with Hyunjin were the best moments of your life. It was surprisingly fun to spend a part of your day everyday with Hyunjin. It was just lunch and americanos, fresh from Minho's cafe, since it was the only one you liked now. You warmed up to him more than you had wanted to, and for the first time, your brain didn't mind being ruled by your heart. Hyunjin had introduced you to some of his closest friend, who came to visit him at work, making sure he didn't overwork himself. And he had interesting friends. Apart from Minho and Felix, there was a producer group called 3Racha who wrote songs for a company called JYP. It was composed of the three most kindest people you had ever met. Jisung, Changbin and Chan treated you like their own sister, often picking up an Americano for you whenever they got one for Hyunjin. You met Hyunjin's youngest friends Seungmin and Jeongin at Minho's cafe, when Jeongin bumped into your shoulder, dropping his books and apologizing to you frantically. Both of them were University students, one having a pottery studio and the other studying computer science. They were mischievous little things, but you loved them too, with you sharing Seungmin's love for pottery and Jeongin's hatred for sugary foods. It was so fun, having friends, even if they weren't your friends from the beginning. This was the first time you had experienced happiness ever since you were eight.

The words on your books weren't skimmed over by your eyes anymore. Instead they were carefully taken in, word by word, appreciating how every letter formed the beautiful sentence. Now, winter wasn't about surviving anymore. Instead it was about being warm and cosy, all wrapped up in a big blanket, hugging a plushie and drinking hot chocolate as pretty winter flakes poured outside the window. Now you digged out the sundresses you haven't worn in so long, and you would wear them to work every now and then, catching the eyes of every person you passed (because you are the most beautiful person on earth LOVE YOURSELF I LOVE YOU). You never noticed it, but now, Hyunjin looked at you differently. He wasn't a very defensive person, choosing to end arguments quickly, but whenever his eyes set upon your figure dancing in a yellow sundress, embroidered with flowers, he swore that he would burn done the entire world for you. Both of you regularly met up at each other's house, having k drama nights, where you would do nothing but cry over the slow burn, and try out a new snack from the local convenience store every time. Sometimes Hyunjin would play the drums for you, taking your excited requests of the 70's and 80's rock songs. It was all so perfect, having Hyunjin in your life and every time you saw him moving his own across a piece of paper, whipping up a cartoon for you as a gift, your heart smiled, urging you to let it take over for just a little longer.

But Aphrodite had something else in plan.

Sometimes the Gods plan sinister things for humans. Sometimes they say 'lets whip up conflict'. And most often it's not between one human and another. Most often it's between a human and her own mind. You had gotten a call on a nice Thursday morning, when you were about to set out for work, clad in a white dress, which reached your knees. A call from your adoptive parents. Unbeknownst to the entire world, behind your pretty face, you hid a grief filled secret behind those glassy eyes. Your childhood wasn't all sunshines and rainbows. You had grown up in an orphanage basically your entire life, and at the tender age of eleven, you had gotten adopted by a rich couple. Good right? Nope it was the polar opposite. Turns out they had adopted you for their own benefit, to gain support from the media to continue their company or some bullshit like that. It had haunted you all your life, how they would never speak a word to you, never a word of affection. It was just words of 'who would ever love you?' and 'you aren't capable of love'. When you had gotten accepted in college, with a full ride scholarship, they had help a party, not for you, but to brag that their daughter, whom they did not even love, had gotten into a college all by herself. They had turned their devil tails into angel wings and it angered you, but you stayed silent. Why should you fight battles with other people when you could fight a battle with your own mind? You had cut off all communications with them however as soon as you left for college. Now it was just you and the world. Getting a job was the hardest thing and you still remember all those days that you survived on water and biscuits, like Marie Curie, when she used to research on radioactivity. You had learnt that your 'parents's' buisness had gone bankrupt, soon after you had gotten a job, but they still hadn't ever contacted you until this Thursday. It was Seungmin's birthday today and you had gotten him a puppy keychain, one that he had been wanting for a long time, which he had told you about in secret. You had purchased it the day before and wrapped it up in a cute box, writing some notes on the top. It was supposed to be the most perfect day. Happiness and melted ice cream that was what this day was supposed to be.

"Hello?" You had picked up your mother's call and your world came crashing down immediately. "Hey there Y/N. We need some money right now and we know you work for Mr Kim. Send us some money please." Not even a hello. The woman who had given you food and shelter didn't even say a hello. The woman who you owed nothing to didn't even say hello.

Hyunjin wondered where you were that day. You wouldn't ever miss a day of work and plus you were excited for Seungmin's birthday. You were going to go for a birthday party which was to be held at Chan's house. Hyunjin had told you that most of the boys would be bringing their girlfriends so you could meet them. You wouldn't never have missed this, especially not when your eyes lit up, when he had told you that Seungmin would be singing for you guys and Minho would be bringing his famous meat. So why? Why was your chair lying all alone and your americano untouched? He had asked Mr Kim whether you had called him today, to which he got disappointment when Mr Kim said no. Your boss didn't really care whether or not you took breaks, since you mostly finished your work in advance, in order to save time. That day Hyunjin told the guys, that he wouldn't be coming to the party, much to their disappointment. But they understood when he said that he was worried for you. He basically talked about you 24/7 and the boys still didn't understand how their most romantic friend ever ended up not knowing what love was.

Hyunjin had an extra key to your house, which you had given him after two months of knowing him, trusting him enough to keep an emergency contact. Hyunjin kept fiddling with it on the cab ride to your place, massaging his nerves to calm himself down. As he reached your house, the atmosphere around him changed. It became gloomy, even when the Sun attacked him with his rays. The sunflowers in your garden all seemed to bow their heads to him, as if to apologise.

"Y/N?" Hyunjin stepped inside your house, calling your name. "Y/N where are you?" He shouted a little louder this time. If you weren't in the living room, you'd be up in your bedroom or the library. Hyunjin slowly climbed up the stairs to the second floor, taking in the eerie silence of the house. It was such a loud silence. He could hear something in the distance but he didn't know what it was. Was it a cat? He heard a wailing noise that sounded something like a wolf crying.

The door to your bedroom was open. Hyunjin stepped inside, careful not to make a sound. He knew how creepy this was, to enter a person's house like this, but he didn't have a choice. "Y/N?" He called out, noticing the light in your bathroom switched on. "Y/N!" You were sitting on the floor, with a knife next to you. Your hair was in tangles and your body swayed back and forth, As you kept mumbling something to yourself. Your upper arm was slightly bleeding and your breathing was heavy. You had been lying there for the entire morning. You were still in your dress,which was now stained with blood from your arm. Your face was tear stained and your eyes were glassy. "Y/n. Hey look at me. Look at me. I'm here." You looked up to see Hyunjin's worried face, eyebrows furrowed and lips parted again. "Hyunjin?" You breathed out in a weak voice, which made Hyunjin's heart drop to his knees. "Yes it's me. Hey breathe. Please breathe for me." He coached you through breathing in and out, which calmed you down a bit, but you were still shivering and your skin was ice cold and white. You looked like a ghost. A ghost with sunken eyes and shocked expression stuck on its face.

Hyunjin carefully lifted you up and carried you to your bed, careful not to disturb your injury, which he immediately knew how it happened, from the knife lying beside you. He got some cloth and medicine for you from the first aid kit you hid under your bed, something you had told him a long time ago. You watched him with wide eyes as he carefully dressed your wound and got some water for you, forcing you to drink it.

"What happened? And it's ok if you don't wanna tell me." He sat beside you as you leant back against the bed frame. You tried not to catch his eye because you knew if you looked into those galaxies inside his eyes, you would start weeping. "Nothing happened Hyunjin." You mumbled, to which he scoffed silently, getting his hand up to your forehead to check your temperature. It was normal, thankfully you didn't have a fever. "Y/n" he faced you and out his hand on yours. "You know you can tell me right? I'm here for you and I'm worried. Please tell me what happened." It all happened so quickly. You looked into his eyes, taking in the stars inside of them, and you couldn't hold it back anymore as you burst out crying. Hyunjin was quick to hug you, holding your head gently as you buried yourself deeper in his chest, staining his grey shirt. His heart was breaking into a milion pieces, seeing his universe crying out her planets from her eyes. He shushed you from time to time, to make sure you don't become weak from crying.

"Y/N hey hey." He held you head in his hands, cupping your cheeks. "What's wrong? Just one word. Tell me one word. I beg you." You sniffled slightly and looked up at him, stopping you're tears slowly. You felt guilty, for him coming to you. Why should he? He's a human like you and he has responsibilities too and he should tend to them, not you. "Hyunjin, you should go. Y-you have S-Seungmin's party to attend. I'll be fine." Hyunjin knew how much you rejected being taken care of. Care was was word which simply never existed in your dictionary, courtesy to your past.

"Y/N-" "No Hyunjin!" You lashed out at him, tears brewing again in your eyes. Hyunjin now understood why the sunflowers outside had bowed to him, and why the aura was grey today. You had bottled up your feelings again, and one single word from a person of your past, was enough to break you. "I don't want help I don't need it! Just leave me alone! I don't want to be around you!" You panted a bit after shouting all that, your chest feeling heavy, not from the weight of your exhaustion, but from the weight of the entire world around you "Get out. Now."

The next few days, you came back to work, you avoided Hyunjin. You couldn't bear to look at his face, knowing that the stars in your eyes will collapse again if you do. You both worked in complete silence, with Hyunjin silently putting the completed illustrations in your desk, whenever you left to go to the bathroom. You now left at 9 am, instead of your usual 10 am along with Hyunjin. Your americanos seemed even more bitter now that you had no one to share your memories with. Every song in the world sounded like the same mundane melody now, chords repeating over and over again.

But Aphrodite always have something in plan, for souls like yours and Hyunjin's.

Hyunjin had been comforted by his friends for a week now. Every week, he would turn up at either Felix or Chan's house and cry to them. It broke their hearts to see their dearest friend weep and sob over you. You, on the other hand, would sometimes turn up to Minho, drinking his americano and venting your feelings, while he silently grilled his meat and put it on your plate. What you didn't know was that Hyunjin would be hiding silently behind the counter, listening to the notes of your voice talk about him. So one fine Saturday morning, he decided to do something. Something that would finally satisfy Aphrodite, and make her drop her roses down to earth to celebrate.

"Y/N." He called your name as you focused on your most recent article. "Y/N." He said again, when you didn't respond. "Y/N for Pete's sake, talk to me!" He basically shouted at you. You were staying back late tonight, courtesy to the hundreds of things you had to edit, due to your numerous amount of holidays. "Not now Hyunjin. I have to edit this." You spoke sternly, abandoning the fun filled voice you usually used when you were with him.

Hyunjin frowned at you, this time an actual frown, not like the playful ones he did when you would steal his meat from his plate. He was angry. He was angry at the world and at your mind for not treating you well. He was angry at your past, for making you believe that you were unworthy of love. He was furious and he would take it out right now, when no one except for you two were in the office building.

"Y/N listen to me!" He shouted, making you startled. You had gotten up from your seat and now you were cowering against a wall. You had never seen Hyunjin like this before, eyes narrowed and lips closed, burning anger seeping through them.

"Y/N you are quite possibly the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure to meet in my stupid life. The way you walk the way you talk, everything about you is so amazing! It's so magnificent to me, how everyday you would explain the meaning behind a song, with your eyes all widened and your mouth moving fast! And it hurts me. It hurts me so much to see you like this, thinking that you are unworthy of love." His words were hitting you like bowling balls. "When you told me about your past, you know what I felt? I felt anger. True anger for the first time in my life. For the first time in my life, I wanted to burn down this entire world for a person. I was also so relieved that you trusted me enough to tell me about something like this. You really think I can't see the scars on your wrist through your foundation?" The scars on your wrist. How did he know about that? "Hyunjin-" you breathed out, crystals forming in your eyes again. "Y/N it breaks me. It breaks me so much to have a person like you in my life and not love them. I love you more than you can imagine. So why won't you accept it?"

"Because I can't!" The words spilled from your mouth like water spilling from a waterfall. "I can't Hyunjin! I don't know what love feels like! I never did! An-and when you came into my life and introduce me to all these amazing people, I felt so happy! For the first time in this dumb thing I call my life I felt happy. And I hated it! I hated the way Felix's eyes would light up every time he saw me. I hated the way Chan would always check up on me, making sure I don't overwork myself. I hated the way Minho would treat me like his own family, making sure I got the biggest portions of meat." Everything that you had kept hidden in that crack of your soul came running out. "I hated the way Jeongin looks up to me, telling me he admires the way I work! And you know what I hate the most out of all? I hate you! I hate the way you care so much for me and my stupid brain can't see it! The way you draw little cartoons on my americanos, the way you talk to me as if you were talking to a gentle lamb! I hate it Hyunjin! I hate myself for not seeing how much you love me! And I hate that I can't return the favour!"

Your knees gave way and you collapsed on the floor, sobbing your eyes out. Hyunjin was quick to kneel down next to you, hands searching for yours. Both of you looked into each other's eyes, seeing your entire universe's inside of them. You need love. You needed love to exist. And Hyunjin was there just to do that.

He leaned closer to you, eyes not leaving yours. He knew he had to do it now. Now or never right? Hyunjin, cupped your cheek with his left hand, right one still squeezing yours, and kissed you. He kissed you as if you were the most beautiful thing in the world. He kissed you as if you were the reincarnation of his last lover. He kissed you as if he had been wanting to kiss you for the last fifteen years. He kissed you, and you kissed him back. Your lips moved in sync with his, not moving away, hands wrapped safely around each other, both of you shielded from whatever the world was planning next. Time moved slowly again, as if the spinners of time had abandoned their looms to come watch you two.

And somewhere in the clouds, Aphrodite smiled, knowing that her mission was complete, and that two loveless souls had finally reunited, mending each other's cracks, slowly but surely.

Epilouge

"Hyunjin! We're going to be late! Hurry your ass!" You called out to your boyfriend of five years, as you waited by the door, bag clutched in hand, and white sundress flowing softly. The ash coloured cat you had both adopted, rubbed against your legs, purring and licking herself. Hyunjin had organised a 'special' date today, taking you to one of your most favourite places, a meadow by the beach, where you used to spend your days. It was already late in tbe evening, when Hyunjin finally came down from the steps of your house, still fixing his hair. "Alright Miss Universe, stop fixing your hair and come on!" You said, causing him to giggle, as both of you got in the car and drove off towards the sunset.

"God I love this place so much." You stretched your arms as you watched the dying sun, collapse into the ocean. "More than me?" Hyunjin pouted, as you slapped his chest playfully. "Oh god are those Minho's Macarons? These things are drugs to me." Both of you took a Macaron each, and raised them in the air, as if to make a toast. "Well, to our five year anniversary." Hyunjin toasted while you said 'hear hear!'.

"Y/N, I have a gift for you." You both had eaten all your food and we're slightly leaning against a tree, wrapped in each other's warmth. "What is it Hyun?" Hyunjin pulled out a paper from his pocket. A link sticky note. With Purple glitter pen scribbled on it.

Marry me Y/N?

"I thought I should do it in the way we first talked to each other. You know to make it more roma-" Hyunjin didn't get to complete his sentence, as you threw yourself around him, kissing him on his lips, as if you didn't kiss him every single day.

And Aphrodite couldn't stop giggling and smiling, knowing that now, love existed. And you? Oh you loved the existence of love.

[phightinghottakes]

I might have ranted about this before but I can't find my old anon tag nor my old posts so. 🐊 anon from now on for whatever else I need to rant abt on here.

this is all mostly me ranting about forced inclusivity and queer stuff (coming from a poly, pan person) so if you need to skip over this, you've been warned

Firstly, I absolutely despise Vinedeeri. It feels like it only exists because "uhh woman and woman haha they're the few woman characters in the game lets ship them because yuri" SHUT UP!! Ships used to have an interesting dynamic, they used to have substance and angst and fluff in every fandom I was in, all the ships I used to see were because they were so interesting and created so many different scenarios.

Instead, what I see most of in the phighting community and similar fandoms is "toxic yuri/yaoi!" "I love my yaoi" "gay ppl" and whatnot. Can people not ship things that aren't queer anymore? Can people not ship things for a dynamic instead of for sexuality?

It genuinely baffles me that Trafficdeeri is considered a rarepair. Don't they literally have interactions in canon?? Isn't Lightblox like an adopted daughter to Traffic?? And yet most of the fandom prefers "haha yuri woman x woman" over good content for a wholesome narrative on found family and adoption and whatnot.

Also I prefer Hyperzuka over Hypertana. I've had several people look at me weird for this one and I genuinely still feel a bit uncomfortable saying I ship the two because of that because it was the kind of reaction being a proshipper gives you, but as far as I'm aware they're fine to ship? Feel free to correct me on if there's anything I'm missing, but I just find the kind of "alcoholic mess x previous alcoholic mess" dynamic more compelling than "alcoholic mess with issues x alcoholic mess with issues" regardless of whether it's being interpreted as platonic or romantic.

Also also, I don't like Scythe being made POC. I find making a character black for inclusivity kind of silly, but even moreso insulting when it's, oh, you know, one of the only characters with a different skintone?? What, is being tan not "inclusive" enough? Did it not appeal to the fandom enough? Was having a character that was tan in a way that'd fit the canon not good enough? I dislike race swapping in general, but it's just. So much more irritating when it's taking away the only tan character the game had. ffs real inclusivity should live up to it's name, it should be inclusive not "appealing to the minority" it should be inclusive for everyone. The minority that needs it, the minority that's harassed, the minority that barely speaks up about it. Not just one group. Please. God. also she's a serial killer that's kind of an issue too liike. out of all the characters you had to pick 1: the serial killer and 2: the only playable character with a different skintone

I would also like to say I absolutely hate she/her subspace. I genuinely do not get why someone would look at an insane scientist that'd probably laugh at torturing people and go "Aww, she's so quirky" or whatever. It genuinely confuses me beyond belief how she/her subspace is such a widely accepted headcanon. What part of probably-capitalist mad scientist that invented hundreds of machines made for war and ruthless killing says "girlypop twink" to you??

And lastly, this game has boring characters when it tries to make them interesting, ironically enough. Some of the most interesting characters to me (outside of subspace) are Vine Staff and Shuriken just because of how many different angles you could take with the core of their character and how... Fundamentally simple they are. They're siblings, they have a clear theme, they're kind of angst-free characters outside of Vine's curse, and they have a strong bond. It's not a lot, but it's all that you need for a lot of interesting content. On the contrary, take Broker and Scythe- two relatively safe picks to hate on. They're part of a cult, Scythe is a serial killer, Broker has some sorts of phone imagery as far as I'm aware, and the cult has something something eyes something I genuinely can't remember. It's kind of more? It's meant to be more, at least. And yet I can't figure out anything interesting about this other than Broker's theme with phones that's kind of neat but the lore does nothing with that. And the eye stuff.. well, yeah, it has potential but it's just so, so underdeveloped. In trying to make the cult so much more it's ended up with so many concepts and so few that are actually solid, in comparison to characters that are simpler. Hell, look at Boombox! He's also a pretty simple character, but he's easy to enjoy too. And there's also the whole thing with him being able to tell something's up with Subspace. Maybe I just read into details a lot, but oh well.

In case you couldn't tell, I like healthy characters who's strength is small fun facts and details.

-Sincerely, 🐊 Anon.

.

[jellybeanium124]

xxx

I'm angry in this one btw. real properly angry. I don't wanna talk about this because I know some of y'all are thiiiiis close to blocking me for not falling in line and being a good little jew and repeating the slogans thoughtlessly, but I'm so mad and scared and nobody cares at all and I wanna shut up about it so I don't lose all my goyische friends but I can't I just can't.

hm maybe people are being arrested because there is some violence and this is terrifying jewish students?? and I think the author of this article is way too kind to these students. they hail hamas as heroes. they don't think the innocent civilian hostages should be released for the crime of being israeli. they champion themselves as being antiracist when ANTISEMITISM IS AN ETHNIC PREJUDICE YOU DUMB FUCKING CHAZERS!!!

jews are terrified.

rabbis are telling us to stay home.

whenever there's an "assembly" on the uni I live by, I'm terrified it'll turn violent. I'm terrified they'll burn down or deface the clearly labelled building where the jewish org lives.

I stopped wearing my magen david because I'm terrified of my peers, my peers who are supposed to be inclusive and love everyone regardless of ethnicity, seeing that I'm jewish and harassing me or worse.

the average college campus is less safe for jews than it has been in decades.

the optics of your movement are shit. you're infested with jew haters, and no one seems to care!! no goy cares, because you all care more about hating israel than not hating jews. and hating israel turns into hating jews so, so quickly. I want palestine to be a free nation. I want this war to end. but none of you understand that as long as hamas exists peace cannot happen. none of you understand that if you hate israelis you're a fucking antisemite lol sorry. if you want every israeli dead, you want half the world's jews dead. if you don't think that makes you an antisemite, lemme give you another example. let's say you want all black americans dead (not all black people are american, in fact, less than half the world's black population are in america). are you racist? YES. same fucking logic here.

saw a video the other day where some dumbfuck was like "have you considered that all hamas knows is oppression and hatred? 🥺" THESE ARE GROWN ADULTS!! YOU RACIST FUCKING INFANTILIZING FUCKING IDIOT!! THEY ARE GROWN ADULT HUMANS AND YOU ARE TREATING THEM LIKE BABIES AND CLAIM TO BE ANTIRACIST??? if you see POC as too innocent to be bad, then you are falling for the noble savage stereotype all over again. has that stereotype historically been attributed to arab people? no. but it definitely fucking is now with the way y'all think rape and terrorism is excusable.

none of you fucking idiots see anyone involved as full humans because none of you have a goddamn piece in it. you see palestinians as innocent babies who could never rape or hurt anyone, and you see israelis as demons to be exterminated. you're racist, you're hateful, you're not helping anything, and I hope you will one day be so, so ashamed of the fear you've instilled in jews worldwide while seeing them as genociding monsters regardless of ties to israel or anything, as well as the myopic infantilizing racist way you view arab people.

and one last thing: "FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA" IS ANTISEMITIC. IT'S A SLOGAN ENDORSED BY HAMAS. IF YOU ARE CHANTING THAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER GUESS WHAT YOU'RE HAVING AN ANTISEMITIC PROTEST, SORRY. you can't reclaim that slogan, it is calling for the destruction of israel, which will lead to jewish genocide, or just a massive jewish refugee crisis if they're lucky and hamas doesn't succeed in their goal of exterminating the jews.

[a-deed-without-a-name]

Butterballs 6? Plz? I'll pay you in virtual hugs?

Oh, hi, Butterballs Anon. Long time, no see. I thought maybe you'd finally gotten the message the last time I and everyone else in my ask box told you to cut it out (for the fiftieth time) because you weren't doing anything but making me mad, but apparently I gave you too much credit. Again.

(If you're new here, check out the "butterballs anon" tag on my blog, and this will make a lot more sense to you.)

I doubt you'll ever see this, since I suspect you only come to my page to send obnoxious asks, but I've got a few things I want to say to you anyway.

You've been harassing me for...wow, look at that, three years. Maybe even longer.

(Jesus Christ. Three years of your actual human life spent obsessing over a goof-off smut fic. I know I'm throwing stones in my glass house here, but...yikes.)

I feel like I know you pretty well at this point.

You've been told to stop. It has been made very clear to you by myself and others that you're making me uncomfortable and upset. You've been told I have lots of other kink fics you can read. You've been told you can write your own Butterballs continuation if you want it that bad. But you haven't done any of those things.

Because you "want" it. You "need" it. You're entitled to it and baffled I don't agree.

It's not a compliment, it's not a mark of how much you enjoy my writing, it's that you're accustomed to getting your way or think that you should and you're frustrated by the fact that you're not.

Your complete lack of regard for someone else's boundaries and your gleeful ignorance of my multiple clear "no"s do not bode well for your behavior in real life.

Maybe it's going a bit far to extrapolate this much from sparse online interactions, but again: three years. After being told a dozen times to stop.

You think you're fun and cute and goofy. You're not.

And I very much doubt I am the only or even most heavily-targeted recipient of your attentions.

I don't know anything about your sexual or romantic proclivities beyond how much you love fat kink, but I shudder thinking about anyone you've experienced attraction to. The harassment they've probably suffered. The way your obsession and lack of respect - because no one's a real person to you, are they? Just a vehicle for the fulfillment of your desires - disrupted their lives. You're the story they tell first dates about the creepiest, clingiest person they ever met.

God help anyone who ever had an actual relationship with you. I pray you're single. I suspect you probably are.

If there are any people you still consider friends, you probably haven't seen them in a while. They get together without you, express relief you're not there, talk about how fun things are without you. Or they invite you because they feel they have to, a la the Geek Social fallacies, but the group keeps getting smaller as more and more people decide they don't have to put up with your bullshit, and those who remain are constantly on edge. Waiting for another outburst from you. Dreading the day they come your next object of obsession.

Your relatives talk disparagingly about your parents, because of the person they've raised.

You've probably lost at least one job for harassment. Maybe even talking about your fetishes at work.

I suspect you probably hide behind neurodivergence. "I can't help it, I have ________." Or passion. You're just so friendly and goofy, a lovable weirdo! But it's not any of those things. If it were, you would have stopped at some point in the last three years.

You believe, deep down, you're entitled to other people's time, and attention, and maybe even their bodies, regardless of what they want and feel. You think that if you just push hard enough, they'll give in and you'll win. Life is a video game for you. You're the only one with thoughts and emotions. The world exists to serve you, and it confuses and frustrates you when you encounter something that conflicts with that belief.

You are a bad person, Butterballs Anon. Full stop.

I don't want a hug from you, virtual or otherwise.

I don't imagine there's anyone left in your life who does.

[orions-hole]

Warning: THIS IS A VENT

I wanna scream. I don't know why but I constantly feel on the verge of screaming.

Out of excitement, frustration, anger, fear, anxiety, madness. But I just feel like I *must* scream.

But I always stop myself, "I'll look crazy", "They'll say I'm exaggerating", "I don't even have a reasoning", "It's disrespectful", "This is not a place to scream", and each time. The impulse lows larger.

I wanna tell someone but something tears at me inside that if anyone knows it'll be the end lf my life. I've had that feeling before. And it never ends well when I do, infact, tell. Even if it's to strangers online.

This sounds like something you'd find on r/cringe or r/genzproblems or some weird reddit thing where people are *cringe*.

And I know cringe culture is very fuckin dead but you know what? I'm still scared.

I don't even know why I'm telling this to my 3 followers of which 1 is my girlfriend and 1 is some person I call friend but know nothing about. I don't know why I'm telling anyone when I know how this will end.

Most definiteve answer? I'll get texts from my girlfriend asking if I'm okay and why I've bottled this up and if I know it's harmful why aren't I doing anything about it while I wanna tell her she's a hypocrite because she's been sick for weeks and we should both worry about ourselves bur ultimately end up just saying "Worry about yourself <3 I'm fine- I was just tired dw"

What else may happen? Those other 2 followers will just be like: Eh. Or not even click "keep reading".

And you, unlucky person readinf this that isn't any of those 3 and has stayed up till here.

What will you do? Well you'll probably keep living, you'll know some random gen alpha out there wants to scream but probably forget by tomorrow and worry about yourself and you deserve to. You deserve to be selfish. You've probably earned it. Infact you might be tempted to reblog "same" or "#same" or "this is called <thing> and you should see a psychologist for help". Or maybe you just wanna be hateful, and you're seeing this attention seeking whorw ans thinking "Oh great. Another post for attention." and to not tell Tumblr to keep recommendating me, took a screenshot to post "attention whore" or you might be smart enough to realize some people will look for the post and just post "saw someone being an attention whore. shm."

You might be none of those or some magically how both!

And you know what? You're complex and a human and whatever course of action you take there's someone out there that will love you regardless because guess what? They're human too and I bet you that there is someone out there defending Hitler and that wants to kiss him. And you know that of he is getting people 80 years later then you have a fuckin change regardless of how much you hate yourself or want to die.

And I know it too. I know that if I do anything dramatic it'll end having a butterfly effect so big.

I know that everyone is not a fuckin npc, I know there's a reason the dude gave flowers to hia girlfriend yesterday and not today. I know everyone is so complex and I can't split this black and white.

But I don't care.

I just don't care.

I want attention.

I want love.

I want to scream without fear.

I want to not cut myself mid sentence after realizing that it doesn't matter what I say because the result will be the same unless I roll a 20 on chariama.

I want to know why whenever I'm happy qnd having the best time of my life everyone I care about suffers.

It's happened *too* much to be a coincidence.

I want to know what the fuck people mean when they say shame.

I wanna know why the same people that say "antisocial" instead of "asocial" police me around with its and it's and it is

I wanna know how "fear of the same" = "fear of people with attraction to people of the same gender"

I wanna know why "I don't feel any attraction at all" = "I'm a groomer"

I wanna know why life is so complex and so predictable and so surprising.

I wanna know *why.*

And I still feel like the next word I utter in real life will be yelled.

[duskoon]

Yandere!Broly with a Powerful! Z-fighter!Reader:

Short answer: You will make him aggressively horni and competitive. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Long answer: is below. Takes place in movie 8, where broly had won instead of the Z-fighters.

Tw: Afab!reader, Yandere themes, Possessive behaviours, Sadism, Violence (rated e for everyone), Physical abuse, Mental abuse, Implied major characters deaths, Implied Breeding, Noncon, Marking, Dacryphilia, Slight blood kink, Dead dove do not eat.

✘ Broly cares about one thing, when it comes to his darling. That is complete domination over them and will ensure that they are absolutely his by any violent means. Be it you were weak and innocent, or powerful and headstrong.

✘ With the latter as much as he respects their determination and vigour, he will first toy with them. Then proceed to beat them within an inch of their life. Broly absolutely loves breaking his beloved’s persistent spirits as much as getting a kick (Both figuratively and literally.) out of their volatile reactions.

✘ However, he won't kill them. No. Why would he kill his own mate? His darling might, as well wish they were actually dead. Considering what's to come is far worse than what they initially expect from him.

✘ After all, they fought Freiza before with the other Z-fighters and thought he was the worst of worse. Alas, they were sadly mistaken.

✘ The Legendary Super Saiyan may not be as manipulative as his father, but he's quite an exploitative type when it comes to battles. He will go after every Z-fighter and brutalize them, leaving his beloved for last.

✘ Why? Simply, because he craves to see the despair settling in your beautiful eyes; Once you see the lives of your comrades falling one by one like flies in front of your eyes, and you can not do anything to prevent it from happening. No matter your strength, it pales in comparison to him.

✘ He's the only one allowed to hurt you. It's his way to lay a claim over you. If anyone else dared to do the same, then they will not live to tell the tale and not in the most pleasant of ways either.

✘ “Why that look? Did I.. hit a nerve? Hehaha. You should be happy. Now, no one can interrupt us. It's your fault that they've died, if only you yielded then I wouldn't have thrashed them that hard.”

✘ Broly sneered; Wiping the blood of your comrades from his meaty fists. With each step the saiyan of legend took, the land beneath him shook from his massive power and might. Whilst you held your ground, with a fierce yet pained expression.

✘ “I will kill you, if it was the last thing I will ever do. I will never yield to a heartless demon like you.”

✘ You spat. Rage boiling within your veins, as a pure white ki-ball formed atop of your blood stained hands. The blood were of your fallen comrades rather than your own.

✘ Yet, it serves as a catalyst of your rage and sorrow. Aiming at the monstrous saiyan with all the pure energy you've got, then releasing it all against him in waves of Kamehameha.

✘ “Oh.. then please do. Kill me, (Y/n). If you can, that is. Otherwise, you will be utterly mine. Your power, scent, and energy is driving me mad.”

✘ Broly retaliated with a sadistic cackle that reverberates throughout the desolate planet, never bothering to guard against your charged attack. If anything, it seems to invigorates him even more. As if your attack was nothing more than a mere tickle against his hardened skin.

✘ Regardless of your power level, you better abdicate for your own sake and sanity. Need I remind you that so long Broly stays in his LSSJ form, his strength and speed gradually increases as the battle goes on.

✘ At one point, his strength alone will overwhelm you. If it did, it won't end well for you. Mainly, because he sees the fight between you and him as an intimate game. A competition that display one’s superiority over the other.

✘ In the long term, he will win for the reasons stated above. The only thing you will manage to do is prolonging the battle, which is against your interests when dealing with Broly. When he eventually wins, then in his eyes he won the right to own you. Thus, marking you as eternally his.

✘ Tis but the instincts and culture of the saiyans, they select their mates based on their strength; The stronger, the better. Kami helps you, for you have attracted the eyes of the devil himself.

✘ With one large hand, he managed to curl it around your midriff and press your smaller frame towards his rigid, broad, and muscular pectoral. Whilst the other was busy splaying your tired legs apart. The heat emitting from his bulky body was too much for you, but not as much as the humiliation that followed after.

✘ “There isn't a place in existence, you could possibly hide from me.”

✘ The green-haired saiyan grunted, as he harshly grinded his clothed hips against yours in a fast pace. It was only when he bit the nape of your neck, did the tears cascade down your lacerated cheeks. While blood trickled down, from the sheer force of the bite.

✘ “I will not surrender. I will escape and get my vengeance. I swear by Kami’s name.”

✘ You squrimed in hopes of moving your injured body from the tight hold of the monster. Who had slaughtered your friends with sick glee and broke most of the bones in your body, save for your hands and upper torso. Anything, but this.

✘ “Your promise is an empty one; Your body has already surrendered to me. Just look at how wet you are, and here I thought I was the only freak.”

✘ He mouthed viciously, continuing his onslaught on your bloodied skin. Littering your skin with brutal bites, and lapping like a starved animal on the blood and tears that rolled down to your abused jugular.

✘ “My vow still stands. You might have taken my body forcefully, but you will never attain my soul.”

✘ You spat at his face; Trying to the best of your abilities, not to moan at his animalistic and ruthless ministrations.

✘ He was slavering, biting, squeezing, and playing with one of your mounds; Mixing your blood with his own saliva. Whilst his other unrestrained hand tended to the other, not any kinder than his hungry gnashers. It was disgusting, so was he.

✘ Pulling away from your breasts with a loud ‘pop’, one of his fingers curved under your chin and pulled it up so your humiliated irises could meet his blank and souless eyes. His bloodstained lips remains upturned in a pleased grin; completely unbothered by your outburst.

✘ “How amusing. Anyone else would've given up by now, yet you won't relent. I've decided that you are worthy to be my mate.”

✘ “No, I am not. I refuse.”

✘ Broly’s hand that was busy attending to your pert nipple, had slithered down to his absurdly big golden waistband. With agonizingly slow gait, he peeled it off alongside the mulberry sash that covered his throbbing member and lined it up against your cold entrance. To which he -without any grace or decency- had yanked the pants off your body.

✘ “I wonder... Will you have the same enticing fighting spirit, once I am finished with you? Only one way to find out.”

An: I decided to do the latter part of your request. If you want the general hc’s for him you can request for him again. Though, I do hope you enjoyed this one. Feedback and reblogs are much appreciated.

An#2: I know I have said I will publish Deep End AU the next post, but I decided to delay it due to writing complications (I am crying internally😭, because as much as I want to publish it I want it to be as best as it can be. So that you my folks can immerse in it.). Thanks for the 50 followers, I don't deserve it for my inconsistent updates but I feel obliged to thank y’all regardless.🫡

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

transphobia, moral ocd, uncertainty in self, desexualization

name: pam

I honestly would consider myself an ally. I think any and everyone regardless of whether they're part of the LGBTQIA+ community or not should be able to live happily and freely, just as everyone should be able to do and I don't know I just have never really seen any issue with being transgender nor do I see any good reason to believe otherwise. growing up I remember I'd like to cosplay and my mother always told me to stay away from cosplay because it was full of perverts and crossdressers. While I don't believe her word now, it did affect me as a child and I kind of told myself as a kid that I wanted to be in this community. That I just wanted to know people that cosplayed or maybe crossdressed (outdated term I apologize) and be friends.

all this to say, I have this nagging feeling that maybe I am unconsciously transphobic? I'll sometimes see videos of YouTube guys going out with a sign saying "Children can't consent to puberty blockers" and some people getting upset at them in the videos and saying that they're very slyly advocating transphobia (these people are usually called Karens or made fun of for their appearance).

But, in a ways I think I agree with that statement? I think children should be able to dress and express themselves in whatever which way they feel comfortable, but taking testosterone or estrogen or puberty blockers before 18 isn't something I'd be comfortable with if I were a mother or sibling. If I had a sibling who was born a girl, and asked they be referred to as a boy from then on, well then I see no issue in that. If they strongly feel they are a boy and that this is what will make them happy then I'm supporting that. But if they ask to take puberty blockers or go on T, then I'd probably suggest waiting until they are 18 or 20. But does that make me transphobic for not supporting this specific claim?

The suicide rate of transphobic kids is horrifyingly high; all the emotions they must be experiencing and add on the fact that society isn't all that progressive or accepting of trans people despite what's advertised. And if I were to have children of my own who decided they were the opposite gender, I don't want to deprive them of their identity or ability to express themselves, I just feel like it's a really big decision to change your body medically especially as a minor. And I'd want them to wait until older. But is my way of thinking in and of itself a byproduct of transphobia today or am I simply overthinking this one?

Another topic that kind of shook me up was, a friend of mine reblogged a post saying "girls should be able to go shirtless in public like guys do. Desexualize children's bodies by letting them go shirtless" Which I do agree with, to an extent. One of the supporting arguments for this claim was that from childhood girls are taught to repress themselves whilst most men can act freely. That young buys can go shirtless to the Waterpark but young girls can't? And that was kind of where I drew the line. But my uncomfortability with advocating young girls and boys or children specifically be able to go outside completely topless, is that just me subconsciously supporting sexism? Am I proving the point that because I'm uncomfortable with it I'm proving that the sexualization of children's bodies runs so deep that I can't recognize it? That nobody can recognize it? It's driven me mad and now I doubt myself.

I'm honestly just trying to have a very open and honest conversation about this with someone, not therapy or professor speak I just want to talk to someone like a real person about this

Hi pam,

I can understand how your experiences and the sentiments you've internalized from your mom may influence the thought that you may be "secretly" transphobic. Having awareness of what those biases are is a great first step in dismantling any transphobic sentiments you may still be carrying. But it's also worth considering that you may be experiencing some level of impostor syndrome, as it sounds like you've done a great deal of consideration and exploration of your own beliefs and how they may impact others, yet you still have concerns that you may hold some bigoted beliefs. While it's not impossible to have some implicit biases, it's important not to ruminate on them or necessarily punish yourself for having them.

As a blog, we try not to involve ourselves in discourse or any specific political matters as we generally want to remain a neutral and safe space. It can be hard to balance respecting people's differences in beliefs and respecting people's humanity, especially when it comes for specific points of contention like whether or not children should be given puberty blockers. This is a complex and multifaceted discussion and it's worth acknowledging that.

The idea of children's inability consent is something that often comes up in discussions and debates about rights and medical care for trans kids. There is no "one size fits all" solution, which is part of why it's so controversial. How much autonomy we should give children is not yet concretely defined, which is why (in my view) a lot of these debates and arguments take place.

I understand that the idea of putting a child on puberty blockers is a big decision for a lot of people. I have heard that puberty blockers are reversible and I've heard that they're not. That kind of uncertainty can definitely fuel the hesitation to allow a child to start it. But I have also heard that for many trans kids considering puberty blockers, it can be the difference between life and death, and they may not survive to legal adulthood to make that decision themselves. So it's definitely a complex situation.

Ultimately, I think it's worth considering that if the goal of exploring your views on these things is to be as respectful to marginalized communities as possible, then perhaps it's worth considering that they may not appreciate someone weighing in who is not a part of that community, and that the decision to start puberty blockers or medical transition is a personal matter.

I'm not sure if you've checked out our pinned post as we've recently updated it to include a list of alternative resources. One of these is a Twitch streamer and TikTok influencer Justagirllexi, who is a trans lesbian and spends her time advocating for trans rights and educating people on the trans experience. If you ever have any questions, I strongly encourage asking her as she is very patient and informative, and would probably do a much better job explaining these things than I.

Regarding the scenario you provided about whether or not young girls should be allowed to be shirtless in spaces where young boys can, I can also understand the hesitation in supporting this and it doesn't have to come from a sexist place, but rather a place of concern for the safety and wellbeing of a shirtless young girl in a public place. I think whether or not it's sexist to disallow young girls to be shirtless in public depends on why someone feels that way.

If anyone would like to respectfully share their thoughts, please feel free to do so. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[witchofthescions]

Guildivain, naturally, did not fight fair.

First, he pitted Mahuad and Ancel against the group. Lenar chafed against this, of course. It was such a transparently vile move, leveraging Loifa's fondness for his dear friends in an attempt to "test" his limits. Would he have it in him to go all out, potentially seriously harming those he was trying to save? Or would he hold back, putting himself in danger in the process?

Like a villain in a children's tale. How trite.

Lenar wasn't much for violence. But he'd spent the past few years dishing out enough of it that he was skilled enough to know how to bring it to bear against a target without seriously injuring them. Granted, he was still holding back somewhat; he doubted Loifa would appreciate Lenar kneecapping his friends, even if it would likely end this fight rather fast. But he could instruct Sapphire to dodge in between their legs, tripping them up and herding them into whatever position he needed them in.

"I seem to recall that the ancient scholars of Nym were brilliant tacticians," Guildivain remarked from wherever he'd hidden himself. "'Twould seem that was quite an accurate description."

"Why observe from the sidelines?" Lenar said. "Come down and see my tactical brilliance firsthand."

"I'm quite content with my current vantage point, thank you."

"Shame." Lenar hadn't truly expected that to work, naturally, but it was worth a shot regardless.

Teaming up with Lalah, they were able to subdue the two with a well-placed carbuncle and shield bash combo. Once they were down, Loifa ran over to their side and began casting his own healing magics on them, hoping to repair whatever damage was done and bring them back to their senses.

But of course, Guildivain couldn't just stay away.

"Huh... 'Twould seem you possess a heightened affinity for the sage's art," he remarked. He burst out laughing, the sound echoing off the cave walls and momentarily confusing Lenar's ability to pinpoint his location. "That I should be blessed with such fine specimens for our research! We must see what else you can do! Yes, we must!"

He struggled to pinpoint where Guildivain was, but he did not fail to notice the characteristic hum of power as a spell was cast.

"Watch out!" Lalah exclaimed.

Loifa had no time to react. He was too preoccupied with saving his friends to notice Guildivain, or to recognize the spell being cast. He looked up just in time, flinched, and shut his eyes. But when he opened them, he found himself encased in a sage's barrier. One that he definitely did not summon himself.

"What...?" As the barrier faded, he watched the nouliths return to their owner. To the only other sage present besides himself and Guildivain. "Lenar...?"

"Come now, love. You've a promise to keep, do you not?" Lenar smiled as his nouliths came to rest in the air around him.

Loifa turned from Lenar to Guildivain, a determined gleam in his eye. "Aye. I won't fall. Not again. Through all the suffering and sacrifice, I'm still here. I'm still alive. And so long as I live, I refuse to let anyone else die on me."

Lenar's smile grew. "Well said."

Mahaud and Ancel got to their feet, dusting themselves off. Loifa cast a glance towards them.

"What say you, Mahaud, Ancel?"

"As if you needed to ask," Mahaud said.

"Where you go, we follow," Ancel added. "You know this."

"I believe in you too, Loifa," Lalah said. "In you and Lenar both."

Everyone drew their weapons and trained them on Guildivain. The man seemed unfazed by the display, regarding them all with an amused smirk. "Guildivain!" Loifa declared. "You wanted to see what else we could do, right? Then come and find out!"

Guildivain burst into another fit of maniacal laughter, throwing his arms wide. "Marvelous! Absolutely marvelous!" He fixed them all with a mad grin. "Do not hold back, my dear subjects, for neither shall I! For the betterment of mankind, let us transcend the limits of our flesh together!"

"I beg your pardon?" Lenar said, suddenly unsure of what exactly they were getting into.

Guildivain retrieved a syringe from his pocket, and plunged it into his chest. Lenar flinched as he felt the surge of aether emanating from the mad doctor. He could not see the transformation that overcame the man, but he heard the way his voice distorted as he let out a feral roar. He steeled himself for what would most likely be a long and arduous fight.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3171

today has been super fucking long and i'm super fucking tired and i'm super fucking done

hopefully seeing joel tomorrow

went to PT, breakfast, and the doctor this morning, learned that my crunchy shoulder is perfectly normal and the pain is understandable. work was boring. i got in at noon. my first appointment cancelled, my second appointment never showed, and my third appointment was late. and by then it was 7pm so i went home, learned my mom read my dad the riot act for allowing me to do his tasks for him despite him being asked repeatedly, and everyone else was mad on my behalf. mostly i'm just tired. i know i shouldn't have had to do it. (i'm tempted to ask to be excluded from the preparations in favor of doing cleanup because it's less stressful and i can do it at night, and i wind up doing it anyway, regardless of the holiday.) but i knew he wasn't gonna do it because he's (1) 72 years old and (2) like a petulant six year old who refuses to do what he's asked to do because if he leaves it for long enough someone else will do it for him.

so instead of that today, for dinner dad was responsible for cooking, setting up, and cleaning up. he cooked and half set the table.

it felt wrong to come upstairs without having the kitchen be clean, the dishes be running, and the table not cleared off. i said as much to mom when i came upstairs.

i hope i'm wrong, but i don't think dad's gonna clean up tonight and it'll be left for tomorrow and the day after and the day after because he won't clean at all. ever. because it's too much work.

weaponized incompetence at its finest.

figure a way around the hard parts of it and get it done. can't stand? sit! have trouble walking? use a cart! can't carry things for long distances? the cart strikes again! don't know where things go? that's a you problem! you've lived in this house as a sentient adult for nearly thirty goddamn years! you should know where dishes go!

christ almighty.

anyway.

that's basically all i did today. it was long and exhausting but at least i had a good breakfast. i stopped at a diner by the airport for an omelette, accompanied by potatoes and toast and fresh-squeezed orange juice. delicious, nutritious, and filling.

i was hungry again an hour later.

i hate always being hungry. why do i always have to be hungry.

and when i was waiting for my last student, my brain was too loud so i grabbed my pen and the sticky notes and went to town to empty out all of the bad thinks in there. i used 3/4 of the pad. it's now half an inch tall. one post just read "fuck". that's about how today went.

[enigmaincrimson-personal]

I won't put this on the main blog because of reasons, so...

Imagine if you will... someone makes a verse for the Persona fandom. Simple, no pre-established relationships or anything like that.

Things seem to be fine at first until they encounter a certain roleplayer.

Now the idea was pretty simple. My muse had just moved into the dormitory and were meeting other students that were in the "club" (SEES) they were in.

It should have been a simple meet and greet first meeting thread.

Instead, the partner has their character scream "YOU DON'T LIVE HERE!" and run away to call the police.

Followed by them and their friends sending multiple rants in my inbox, callout posts over how I was harassing them, the partner who sabotaged the thread made a duplicate blog and told everyone I was crazy... people not even involved were sending nasty messages, making up things just to get attention, people pretending to be supporters were also sending them nasty messages.

Maybe I deserved it, I don't know, but in the end, I have a hard time approaching Persona fandom roleplay blogs as I'm worried it might start up again and people will get dragged into it.

Seriously though, I do try to read everyone's rules and muse information if possible and if we're mutuals, I presume that you've actually made the effort to look at mine as well.

You have no idea how much of a pain "why is my character even here?" is without some sort of pre-established connection that gives them a reason to be there is when it comes to writing in the long term.

However, pre-established relationships are considered a taboo in multiple roleplaying circles, even if having them can provide necessary structure if handled correctly and not ignored.

It an overly convoluted dance of being close enough to have a reason to be there while opening more substantial interactions and far enough that it doesn't get in the way of things.

And I totally feel sick inside whenever I think I messed this kind of thing up. It's not for a lack of trying, far from it, but many times it just feels like I don't deserve to be there regardless of how many times I've repainted the walls.

I delete a misunderstood post and apologize, suddenly the MLP fandom has decided that I was gaslighting. Which is ironic as the culprit behind that mess acted like I was doing all the harassing and deleted all of their posts. And that was after all the godmoddy "magic anons" wanting to rape my main muse.

Someone in the Fairy Tail fandom hunted me for years because I was somehow "ruining their investment" and another decided that I was somehow stealing their followers. Lots of stolen posts, callout posts, nasty messages and more came from there. Along the way, it also included several roleplayers that wanted to buy my main off of me exclusively for smut.

I haven't seen the majority of the Overlord fandom since they moved onto that discord server and got really crazy with the gatekeeping. Like... it was bad enough having to read the entire series of novels just to be allowed to say anything, being treated like trash if you weren't roleplaying a very specific set of characters was rather much. The whole thing was a blur.

The Index/Railgun fandom sort of imploded due to one of the members writing plots for everyone without actually discussing things, one of their friends deciding they hated my guts for simply wanting to discuss and plot things out, and getting kicked out of the discord server they made over it.

A chunk of the Sonic fandom hates my guts because someone was mad that I wouldn't trim my threads to oblivion like they wanted... which resulted in that person and their friends starting a harassment campaign over it. I don't know how my particular blog was at fault for their phone crashing, but somehow it was.

The Puella Magi fandom wouldn't have anything to do with me because I wouldn't let some popular muckymuck with a character called "Daisuke" godmod and rape my main muse. I told him no, pointed at the rules, then he blocked me, tagged me in his call out post, and threatened everyone to block me as well.

I've also been impersonated before because I helped kick a fetish miner off of Tumblr, called a creep by one of their victims because I wouldn't just hand over my personal information and explained why.

I'd keep going from here, but I've been through alot, both IRL and online and I don't hate you guys, it's just... I haven't had the best track record.

[notdonebeingmessy]

FUCK, I HATE THIS DUDE

I just want to tell him:

I don't think I've been unreasonable. I say sorry easily and admit when I'm wrong and I don't get upset easily. But when you say a bunch of stuff to the tune of "no, see, you're unjustified for feeling any sort of way because I'm fucking doing a bunch of stuff and you're just living in the past", it feels pretty invalidating.

And I'm not crazy.

You said I have BPD. As I said, I've looked into BPD before and I don't have any of the characteristics. I'm not promiscuous, I don't do drugs or drink, I don't engage in self-harm, and I don't have unstable relationships. Even though I have suicidal ideation from my depression, the only time I've ever attempted suicide was when that whole thing happened when I was 19. I maintain friendships that stretch back pretty far too, some from [another state], some from when I first moved to this state.

You're the only person I act like a fucking abused animal with because you are how you are.

So, no, I don't have BPD. I do have anxiety, depression, and PTSD due to my upbringing with parental abuse and neglect. And I'm starting to suspect that I have PTSD from when that ugly chapter happened years ago with you.

Another thing that I don't understand is why you get mad when I say things that are true regardless of how true they are:

-[Name] gets mad easily. This is true. You acknowledged that she gets really jealous. I told you about the story where she yanked a game controller out of my hand, in a church, no less. I've seen her yell and act like she would want to fight people.

-Your mom could be manipulative and abusive in the past and indirectly contributed to my mental breakdown. She used to hit you, threaten you, forced you to shave your head, slap you in the face. Of course I don't like her for those reasons and think she's a nasty person regardless of the fact that she's your mother.

-You can be a jerk. You know this. You've said it. Everyone who knows you knows this. You can be very cold and dismissive and you go there quick. And your unwillingness to share even minute details like your job communicated to me that you aren't really interested in opening up, regardless of how vulnerable I made myself. So, why would I keep trying when I was the one who consistently tried sharing things about myself from the very beginning? With the exception of the paintings, you didn't seem to really be invested at all. Even with the paintings you didn't say anything other than asking if it was one type of paint and asking how long I've painted twice even though I had already told you I hadn't painted before.

-I say the n-word. You assumed I don't have any Black in me and disregarded my heritage just because I don't have enough African traits for you. But even if I didn't have any Black in me whatsoever, I come from the perspective that everyone should be able to say it regardless due to this very line of thinking. You can't expect everyone to whip out their "I'm Black enough" certifications to justify saying a word to you. And when people use a word enough times it loses its power. You don't have to agree but I'm being true to my own beliefs, so don't police my speech.

Rather than becoming offended and saying nothing only to bring it up later passive-aggressively, why can't we acknowledge these things or at least acknowledge my right to have my own justified feelings about them due to my experiences? I don't think it's a sin to be honest about things. I shouldn't have to assume from your silence that you were offended and then scramble to figure out why you were offended, or risk waiting until you save up enough things to be mad over to hit me with them when you feel like it.

I know your perspective was that I'm stuck in the past but I don't really see it that way because I had shown in every way that I wanted to have a friendship and I didn't hold anything against you. But when things started following that old, familiar pattern of me being vulnerable and receiving next to nothing in return, that spoke to me. Apart from the paintings, scroll up and see how many times I tried to engage you and was met with either "I don't want to talk about that" or was just straight up ignored. I shared so many things about myself and decided to be vulnerable. I was even honest about how I felt unimportant to you, hoping to address that rather than be told "I don't know why you're feeling that way. You're living in the past and you probably have BPD."

When you showed a bunch of signs of being angry and didn't want to give the slightest verbal admission like "[Blogger], I care about you even in the smallest way", and started bringing up stuff I profusely apologized for, it just served as confirmation for me that you're still the same old person regardless of whatever you say. And you didn't have to make extra jabs out of spite when I decided to be done. It just really cemented the fact that you're incapable of displaying any sincere empathy (at least towards me).

I'm the one that went in with a good attitude. I'm the one that took a chance and reached out in the first place. One of the first things you did was state how people just use you and leave. Do you see the difference in my approach every step of the way?

I tried as hard as I could to be honest about anything I've ever felt while you just save up slights and decide to use them whenever you feel like deflecting and wanting to seem like the bigger person.

I already know what you think of me but also one of your other exes was "pathetic" and you also don't have any friends through no fault of your own because it's all just "good riddance" left and right. Look at your life. It's not me who has the problems. It's not me who's negative and stuck in the past. I've been married since 2016 and for some reason my husband just can't get enough of me even though my heart hasn't been in it for like 2 years now. Because regardless of anything I try and try and try.

But the common denominator in your miserable life is YOU. You don't think it's a coincidence that you end up evoking this feeling of intense dislike inside of everyone who gets to know you? Even the ones who WANT to try to like you? You think it's a coincidence that the only people who put up with you are the ones who are bound to you by blood?

And no time spent in one religion or another will help you if you refuse to face the fact that you can be awful to people who have good intentions.

[00katrinka00]

Landcaster Legacy Gen 7 Update #12

"Oh, my watcher!" Janie exclaimed. "it's really you, the Lacy Landcaster. I'm such a big fan." "And who are you?" Lacy asked. The question wasn't just directed at Janie, but Violet too. "Oh, I'm Janie, and this is your granddaughter, Violet. We brought you back from the dead"

"I see that much," Lacy rolled her eyes. "Can we just go home?" Violet asked quietly. She couldn't help but feel like anxiety was consuming her. Which of her family members was now dead? Was it her mother, father, Leo, or watcher forbid, Rosie? "You're so boring," Janie scoffed.

Regardless of what Janie wanted, all three girls began walking back through Moonwood Mill. "I'm just worried," Violet explained to Janie. "The well said someone I care about is going to die." "Oh please," Janie brushed her off. "It was just trying to scare you, nobody is dead."

"How would you know?" Violet asked. "If someone had died, your parents would have woken you up to break the news, and when they realized you weren't in bed, they would have called you," explained Janie. "What if they don't know yet?" "Someone died and they don't know, sure."

"This is serious, Janie!" exclaimed Violet. "The well was just trying to scare you," Janie said again. "When you get back home, you'll see, everyone is alive, and I'll be proven right." "You're sure about this?" "Absolutely!"

After arriving back in Copperdale Janie split from Violet and Lacy and headed back to her own home. "Can I ask a favor of you?" Violet asked Lacy as they walked back in silence. "I can't stop you from asking, but there are no guarantees I'll agree to whatever you want me to do."

Violet took a deep breath "so all I've ever wanted to do is being a singer when I grow up. My family think I should go to college, meet people who can help me in the industry, but I have no interest in college. It'll take too long, and I'll be considered too old for the industry"

"You did the whole acting thing, and you became successful without going to college," Violet continued telling Lacy. "Can you maybe help convince my parents that I can be successful without college as well?"

"You brought me back from the dead for that?" Lacy said, she sounded annoyed. "No." "You owe me though," Violet said. "I brought you back." "I never asked you to do that!" exclaimed Lacy. "I was actually enjoying the whole death thing, I was happy. I never wanted this."

"Just do this, please, for me?" "I don't even know you," Lacy pointed out. "I don't even have a granddaughter; Isla had boys. I don't know maybe practice, work on your skills develop some work ethic, and then they'll believe that college isn't necessary for you." "So unfair."

The rest of the walk home was in silence, Violet had hoped that her parents would not have realized she was returning home much later than their agreed upon curfew, but her hopes left when she saw her mother standing in the entry way looking angrier than Violet had ever seen her.

Then it hit Violet, her mother was angry, not sad, so nobody had died. "Where have you been, Violet Jane Landcaster!" Mads said her voice thick with anger. "Mom, I'm sorry," was all Violet was able to say. "Living room, now."

Ethan was waiting on the couch as Mads, and Violet took their seats. Not knowing what to do or where to go, Lacy just took a seat in the living room as well. "You have a lot of explaining to do young lady," Ethan said sternly, just then he seemed to notice Lacy. "Who's this?"

"I'm Lacy Landcaster," said Violet awkwardly "Violet brought me back from the dead" "You've got to be kidding me" "I think we should talk to Violet alone," said Ethan directing his words to Lacy "You're more than welcome to our guest room it's in the next room and to the left"

"What happened tonight?" Mads asked. "You're bringing people back from the dead?" "No," Violet said quickly. "Well, yes, but it's not what it looks like. I wanted to prove to you guys that college isn't necessary for me to be successful. I thought Lacy would help convince you."

"Oh, my watcher," Mads pinched her nose. "You can't just bring people back from the dead, sweetheart," said Ethan. "Have you ever thought of working hard, developing your skills as a way to convince us college isn't necessary?" Mads asked. "That's hard though," complained Violet

"And what did you do with the 5,000 simoleons that was taken from our account?" Mads asked. "It, um," Violet stuttered. "Well, it was an offering for the well." "The well?" asked Ethan. "The well, I made a wish, and it brought Lacy back."

"Your father and I need to discuss your punishment," Mads explained to Violet. "For now, go to bed." "How much trouble and I in?" Violet asked. "I don't think you want to know," Ethan said to her.

Leo was leaving Rosie's room, after having just comforted her from a nightmare, when Violet made her way up the steps. When he saw his sister Leo's eyes narrowed. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Leo said his voice raised. "Excuse me?"

"I heard Mom and Dad talking earlier, what the hell makes you think it's okay to steal money from them?" Leo asked angerly. "I really don't want to do this right now," Violet told him. "I want to go to bed." "You're a selfish brat," Leo told her. "What's your problem?"

"What's my problem?" Leo glared at her. "I don't understand why the watcher picked you!" "Huh?" Violet asked "As the heir. I'm the oldest, I'm smart I get good grades, and then there's you. You're selfish and have no regard for anyone else's feelings. Why'd the watcher pick you"

"Leo," Violet began to say. "I don't-" "Just leave me alone," Leo grumbled before turning around and heading back to his room, leaving Violet feeling hurt.

Dear Diary, I think I've ruined everything, nobody is dead, but they're all mad at me. I also can't believe Lacy is refusing to help me. I never knew Leo was jealous because I'm the legacy heir and not him. I really don't know what to do from here. I've ruined everything. -Violet

[mintugiyuu]

> here’s the final part of your request @kyojoroo ! I’m so sorry it’s in two different parts, but I learned for the first time that these text boxes have a limit lmao, again I hope you enjoy and have a great day/night! <3

༄ we have to stop meeting like this - continued

sfw one-shot

➥ pairing || rengoku kyojurou x reader

➥ au || modern day; college

➥ warnings || cheesy, tooth-rotting fluff with extra cheese

➥ synopsis || the reader keeps bumping into the one and only rengoku kyojurou; only instead of just casually seeing him over and over again, they quite literally bump into him in the most inconvenient ways possible. (cont.)

➥ part one || click here!

༄ the mediterranean sea collection - masterlist

Today had to be one of the worst days in your life. Freezing, drenched, and newly homeless, you tucked yourself onto the bus stop bench. Lucky you, this one didn't even have an awning to protect you from the elements.

The rain had no pity for your predicament as it pelted your body, the light clothing doing close to nothing for you. Summer had just come, yet the night rainfall seemed to have brought an unexpected chill.

Not to mention the suitcase and duffle bag you had with you were now also getting soaked.

You could only hope nothing was too waterlogged.

Your hand did little to protect your dying phone from getting wet as you tried to search for the nearest place to stay. Motel, hotel, air B'N'B; anything in range to get you off the streets for the night.

You had a feeling this would happen, and boy were kicking yourself for not seeing the red flags and preparing sooner.

Not having enough savings for a dorm, you had signed a contract with the residents of an apartment to rent out one of the rooms for cheap.

The agreement only lasted for two semesters, but they had promised that you'd be able to renew it once summer rolled around.

"Promise my ass." You grumbled, remembering how the original owner had gotten a partner. In return, they refused to let you sign another contract so they would have space for the "love of their life".

You saw the signs; you saw how their stuff slowly moved into the apartment and all the time they were spending there.

You just didn't think they'd be shitty enough people to kick you out the moment your contract ended.

A gust of icy wind rolled through, causing another shudder to rack your body. The closest place wasn't in walking distance, and it was far to late for the buses to be running. Sighing, you shut off your phone and closed your eyes.

You had resigned yourself to walk the several blocks to the nearest 24/7 fast food place to at least get out of the rain.

That was until the rain fall suddenly stopped beating down on you. The rain couldn't have stopped though, you could still hear it. You blinked your eyes open and looked up, surprised to what - or more accurately, who - you saw.

"...Kyojurou?"

Standing there in all his warmth and glory, Kyojurou looked down at you with concern, holding a bright red umbrella over your soaked form.

He couldn't seem to help the small smile that graced his lips at the sound of his first name.

"I'd be happier that you finally used my name if you didn't look so sad and drenched."

A humorless snort escaped your lips as you hugged yourself, shivering slightly. "Timing always has my side doesn't it? I'm just about to head to the closest food place to get out of the rain, so don't worry about it."

"Why?"

"I got kicked out," you shrugged, looking to the ground.

"This late at night?"

"It surprised me too. They found a new roommate and wouldn't let me renew my contract for the next school year, and it just so happens it ended tonight." There was a hint of bitterness in your tone, one that was completely understandable.

Kyojurou's brows furrowed. "They didn't give you a heads up? A two week notice?"

"I'm just lucky they let me pack all of my stuff before I had to leave." You continued to look down at the ground, not seeing the way Kyojurou's face contorted ever so slightly.

He didn't get mad often, but whoever your old roommates are were now on his shit list

"Well that's a shitty thing to do," he stated bluntly, causing you to sputter and blink dumbly at him.

It's been almost a year since you've met the blonde, and in all that time you never once heard him say a single bad word.

"Did you just curse??"

He pretended not to hear, pulling out his own phone to see the time as you mulled over the fact that this sweet ray of sunshine just called someone shitty.

Expression neutralizing as he schemed, he turned back to you. "You don't have to stay in a fast food place for the night."

"Huh?? Are you suggesting I sleep in a box?"

The man smiled, resting a reassuring hand on top of your shoulder, frustration forgotten for now. "You can stay with me!"

"What now?"

Chuckling, he passed the umbrella off to you to hold, beginning to slip his arms out of the jacket he wore. "You can stay with me for the time being until you get back on your feet! Well, us. If you wanted to of course! Sanemi just moved out, so we're looking for a new one regardless."

Baffled at the sudden offer, you started to shake your head, forming the words to decline him. It was too big of a favor, how could you accept that?

He was one step ahead of you, as he always is.

"Before you say anything, no, it would not be any trouble, you're a joy to have around! We can settle the nitty gritty later, let's just get you out of the cold."

"Wait, Kyojurou," you were silenced by a heavy warmth that suddenly engulfed your upper body, including your sight. Moving the fabric from your eyes, you realized it was his jacket.

His once dry clothes was slowly becoming just as soaked as you were as he took back the umbrella, insistently keeping it solely above you.

The gentle way he smiled in combination with the light post that shined behind his head had you convinced he was your guardian angel in disguise.

You hesitantly pulled the jacket closer to your body, not being able to deny how relieving the warmth felt. "But, won't you be cold?"

"My insides are practically pocket heaters, it takes a lot for me to be cold. A little wind and rain won't do anything to me, I promise! Now come on, before you get sick," he insisted as he grabbed your bag, throwing them over his shoulder.

"Little" was an understatement, but you didn't have the energy to argue. It was the middle of the night and you could feel your eyes starting to droop.

Grabbing your luggage to role behind, you let the other wrap his free arm around your form, hand resting on your arm. "Thank you, truly I don't know where to start showing how grateful I am. I owe you big time."

"Never refer to me as Rengoku-san again and I'll call it even!"

A wobbly smile tugged at your lips as you leaned into his side, letting him guide you down the route to his apartment. "You have a deal then, Kyojurou."

The weather broadcasters warned everyone about heavy snowfall, but you couldn’t help but think they could’ve prepared everyone a bit more as you stared out your window and could only see the shadow of snow.

Thank the gods above it was winter break or they’d have to cancel classes, which would just be tuition money flushed down the shitter.

Your train of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door of the bedroom you were in, which was odd because the door was open.

Low and behold, it was your sweetheart of a boyfriend, holding two mugs and using his foot to knock. “I brought hot coco!”

"You don't have to knock, this is your room you dork."

"Our room technically, my dear." He responded smoothly, shutting the door with his foot behind him as he made his way to you.

"Careful not to spill it," he winked, laughing slightly as he handed you your mug.

"Just for that I should," you scoffed playfully, sticking your tongue out at him as you took the drink. The smile on his face was nothing but adoring, finding you to be adorable. You had to look away to dismiss the butterflies that swarmed in your tummy. “Looks like we’re snowed in for a bit. The snow is above the windows.”

Kyojurou hummed in agreement. “I still don’t understand how tiny snowflakes can become so damaging so fast!”

“You’re funny,” you chuckled, taking a sip of the hot beverage. Kyojurou always made the best hot chocolate.

“... UME! I’m glad I can be amusing!” You couldn't hold down the snort at the realization that he wasn't joking, swallowing and shaking your head. You granted him mercy and switched the subject.

“What are the others up to?”

Kyojurou leaned against the sill next to you, shoulder bumping yours affectionately. “Tengen is in the living room playing video games with his girlfriends, Mitsuri is watching a movie in her room and Obanai is watching with her. I think she's also painting his nails from the conversation I overheard while passing by."

“I see.”

The both of you were leaning against the window sill, basking in the comfortable silence. It wasn't common in an apartment full of unique roommates.

Even now you both could hear the loud victory cheer of Suma as Tengen groaned in defeat.

Taking another sip of your drink, you hummed, lifting your head to face Kyojurou. You were going to say something, but that was forgotten as you covered your mouth with your fingers as to not laugh suddenly.

"Hm? Is something wrong?" Your poor oblivious lover had a whipped cream mustache. He tilted his head at you - not unlike an owl - seemingly confused to your sudden shift in expression. You swallowed your laughter down as you placed your drink onto the sill, stepping closer to the blonde.

"No, nothing's wrong. You just have a little something rigghtt..." you reached out to grip his chin gently, swiping your thumb across his top lip to collect the whipped cream. "-there, all gone!"

A pretty, bright red color spread across Kyojurou’s face, wide eyes blinking owlishly at you with his mouth slightly agape. Laughing quietly at his reaction, you licked the cream off your thumb, patting the side of his cheek teasingly.

"You'll catch flies, hun." A click of teeth could be heard as he closed his mouth.

"RIGHT!" He stopped himself to clear his throat, turning to face the window as his usual smile reappeared, though a bit wobbly. "Thank you!"

All you did was hum, a slight mischievous smirk settling onto your face. You were set to happily go back to your drink when you shivered, the chill of the room finally reaching you through your clothes.

Kyojurou caught it from the corner of his eye, turning back to you. “Are you cold?”

You waved him off, shaking your head. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence, you'll just get another sweatshirt.

“I’ll be ok. The hot coco will warm me up in- WOAH!” That plan was thrown out the window when he suddenly scooped you up into his broad arms, smiling determinedly.

"You're not allowed to just continue on being cold, not if I can help it!" The firey man plopped you down onto your shared bed, quickly gathering the collection of fluffy blankets you have accumulated over time.

In the blink of an eye, you were neatly swaddled in said blankets and being held gently to your boyfriend's warm chest. He settled underneath the main blanket, wrapping his strong arms around your body.

“Is that better?” He beamed at you, looking oh so proud of himself.

What did you do to deserve him?

"Much," you all but groaned, snuggling your face into the warmth of his chest. It was like cuddling a big warm marshmallow. “I still can’t understand how you’re so warm.”

“I’m a living-breathing heater, my dear. I’ve explained this before, I’m sure of it.”

You snorted, leaning into his hand as he began to run his fingers through your hair. “I’m not complaining, you’re good to keep around for whenever my hands freeze.”

“I wouldn’t mind one bit," his voice came out softly, planting a warm kiss to onto your forehead. This in turn caused you to melt even further into him, burying your face into his shirt.

Kyojurou laughed with amusement as he turned on the television, looking for something for the two of you to watch for the rest of the evening. You eventually peaked your head out to look at him, wrapping your arms around his middle.

“Hey, Kyojurou?”

“Yes?”

All of his attention was on you. Even in these small moments he looks at you as though you're the most precious human being in the world. And to him, you were.

You hummed, placing a kiss onto his chin. “I’m happy I spilled my drink all over you.”

The small peck had similar effects from the whipped cream incident earlier, though he seemed to snap out of it quicker this time. He smiled brighter, cupping your cheek with his large, warm hand.

“That's an odd way of saying I love you."

This made you pause, the 'L-word' not being used between the two of you yet. “Wait, what?"

He gave you no time to question further as he placed a kiss onto your lips in return, his other hand finding the small of your back to pull you closer.

The initial shock of being kissed faded quickly, your arms finding their way around his neck as you pulled yourself closer. The kiss was short and sweet, yet the passion that Kyojurou lived by was always present.

The kiss came to a pause with you laying on top of his chest, remote forgotten and blankets wrapped around you as you steadied your breathing.

Kyojurou's eyes crinkled slightly with his smile, brushing the back of his hand across your cheek.

"I love you too."

[rose-colored-amy]

So, this is a continuation to my extremely short one-shot Last Moments, Last Regrets, but it can be read as a stand-alone. Regardless, I'll leave the link of that one in here:

Also, thanks to @coeurhh for suggesting I write a second part. You're a sweetheart 🥰

She made a lovely fanart/gif, which I'm also sharing, of course:

Prompt: AU. Sakura's death goes unnoticed to everyone but the squad she protected with her life and Tsunade. Team Kakashi doesn't find out until the very end, when Naruto and Sasuke have already had their fight, and there's nothing to do about it but mourn the absence.

Warning: Mild Sasusaku and lots of angst. Team 7 sort-of-fluff (?)

—Blue Bird, Let Go—

"Hey, bastard... I know they really let us down, the village, I mean."

"Aa... "

"But I really think it's not all that bad. When we were I team, I knew you understood. It felt like having a brother, believe it."

They were watching their lives go by, shadows of unknown faces passing by them, not noticing their pain, or not caring whatsoever. Their backs were touching, but it was all cold and bleak; a bad memory. A clan slaughtered, a demon sealed. Two lonely boys wallowing in their own sadness.

"Well, even if I don't make it, I'm glad it was you, bastard—"

"Shut up, idiot." His voice sounded strained, even for his standards, but Sasuke was so tired he couldn't even bring himself to care.

"We're really dying, ah? Wanna say something? I do have things to say, 'cause there's no way I'm dying—"

"In silence?" Sasuke interrupted, but Naruto payed him no mind.

"Without telling you how much of an asshole you've been! I couldn't even keep my promise to Sakura-chan! She's gonna be so damn mad when she finds out, I'm sure she'll drag me back to life just to cave my face in—" He was rambling at that point, but it was just so comforting and normal to Sasuke that he didn't even acknowledge it anymore.

"Hn. Sakura... She..."

"She still loves you, asshole. I don't have any idea how it can be possible but—"

"I'm sorry..." It sounded rushed, but Naruto heard it perfectly, and in the darkness of their shared consciousness, Sasuke heard a resigned sigh.

"Well, it's not that bad. I cannot imagine dying beside anyone but you, bastard."

"Idiot..." He made a pause. "Me neither."

"You're both a pair of idiots!"

Suddenly, the unreadable mass of unrecognizable faces around them cleared, and one figure stood in front of them, pink eyebrows frowned in annoyance. Though this version of Sakura looked familiar, it was one none of the boys had seen in a long time. Genin, long-haired, Sakura was glaring at them, arms crossed.

"Sakura-chan! What are you doing in here?!"

Her eyes softened. "What, so I'm supposed to let you two die, after everything? No way in hell!"

"Sakura..."

"You!" She pointed at Sasuke, who flinched slightly at her rudeness. "I don't know what the hell happened, but I don't care. Lighten up and start being your moody self. We love you just like that! Don't act so repented and shit! If you're sorry stop looking like a lost puppy and start doing something about it, you asshole!" Her voice was raising with madness and it was slightly off putting to see what used to be a stuttering lovestruck preteen talking to him like that.

Naruto snorted at that, obviously delighted for not being at the receiving end of her wrath for once. It was short-lived, however.

"And you!" She pointed at the blonde; then crossed her arms. He jumped back in fright. "What is this? How dare you even consider dying after you promised to be the best goddamned Hokage in history?! Here I am, rooting for you, while you lay around like a lazy pig with your edgy bro there. You should be ashamed of yourself!" She scoffed.

Naruto's mouth was so wide open he could have caught a fly. "Lazy pig? Are you kidding?!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, half amused, half annoyed. "Edgy?"

Suddenly, the edges of their vision began to blurr, like a genjutsu being unravelled. "Ah, someone came to help you at last." Sakura seemed relieved. Strangely so.

"Hey, Sakura-chan! You know what? You're right. I'll be the best damn Hokage ever, believe it! Just you watch!" He threw a punch to the air.

Seemingly placated and pleased with his answer, she nodded. "I know so." Then, she turned to her other teammate, who was concentrating solely on her face, mismatched eyes softened as they'll ever be. "And you'll make sure he doesn't mess up, right?"

They shared a long silence. There was something strange about Sakura aside her appearance. He could tell. "Hn. I will..."

"Hey! I don't need him watching over—"

"Sure you don't." He countered sarcastically.

"Also..." They turned to her again. "I'm sorry."

"Wha—" Naruto stuttered. "What the hell would you be sorry for, Sakura-chan?! If anything, it's the bastard here who should be apologizing to you!"

"Sakura..." Sasuke seemed to be searching for the right words, but she couldn't let them go without them listening to her. To what she needed them to know. There wasn't much time left after all.

"I'm sorry, because I wasn't what you needed..." She closed her eyes, her pretty minty orbs. Her appearance suddenly shifted, before then now standing her true self, still dressed in the standard shinobi uniform of the alliance. Her forehead protector lost to whoever knows where. "And thank you. You both made me stronger. You made me appreciate what I had. And I'll always, always love you. Our moments together like team seven... I'll treasure them for all eternity."

"Sakura-chan..."

"I know Konoha wasn't the best to you both, but don't forget the good... The wholesome moments. It's all that matters in the end... Our bonds, the bonds you managed to forge with sweat and blood... The world we live in, the world that gave me the chance to meet you. To me, that's to be cherished. Forever."

The white light started overwhelming the rest. Even Sakura's features started dissapearing.

"Live. Just live." For that, she specifically stared at Sasuke, a soft smile playing on her lips. "And thank you."

Sasuke started racing towards her, hand stretched, a forebonding understanding shaking his bones. "Sakura!"

And then, they both lost consciousness.

When they woke up, aside from feeling like shit, the first thing that crossed their minds what the finality of Sakura's words. Tsunade was beside them, patching them up, with Kakashi beside her, silently watching over them.

"About time, brats! What were you think—"

"Baa-san." Naruto interrupted her, his voice the most serious she had heard him until then.

"Where's Sakura?" Sasuke finished for him, his eyes icy and detached, trying to keep his worry at bay.

But she didn't need to answer. Her chakra flow hesitated, spiking with sorrow. Her eyes glistening with unbearable loss. Kakashi, at her side, stared, eyes widened in comprehension.

She was gone by a long shot.

And they were just finding out.

...

Everybody had different ways of dealing with loss. Naruto helped rebuild the village along with everyone else, but he skipped his usual meals, his ramen left forgotten in his kitchen counter. His movements when sparring were sloppy at best, not just because of the new prosthetic limb, but also because his mind was clearly somewhere else. Usually, Shikamaru would drag him out his makeship house, like he had done when Jiraija was gone for good. Sometimes, he would bring Ino with him, who was suspiciously skinny and messier than normal. No makeup covering the dark circles under her eyes.

Kakashi spent more than usual at the memorial stone every day, tracing the newly marked name of the girl who once remained him of Rin but that had come to claim a place for herself in his heart. Also, he took more missions than it was allowed in a month, going so far as to pick up his ANBU mask again, which caused an altercation with Tsunade, who hadn't been sober in a long time and had been hoping to hand the Hokage seat to him.

Sai avoided the color pink for a long time.

Sasuke... Well, he dealed with loss the same as everyone else... Longing for the missing person to be there, itching to have the opportunity to say what he couldn't at the time. Wanting to be alone whenever they would reach for him... And he built a tomb for her in hopes to find some closure. Not that official, because there wasn't a body to bury, and it had no name, but it was enough for him. He would bring with him camellias every day, buying them at the Yamanaka's, where Ino would always glance at him in silent understanding.

One morning, on his way to her tomb, he spotted a young shinobi leaving a white lilly for her. When he came by, the child spoke without a care, like they were acquaintances. "This is Sakura-san's, right?"

"Hn." It wasn't really an answer, but the child seemed to understand anyway.

"You know? Mama and big sister are also buried in these grounds... I always talk to them and tell them about my day and stuff I want them to know!" He turned to the Uchiha, a smirk on his cherubic face. "I'm sure she would appreciate it as well." And just like that, he left without another word.

Sasuke sat on the ground, just in front of the stone, mismatched eyes half lidded. Sensing no one in the vicinity, he exaled a shaky breath, and his dam opened up, the words longing to be said broke the silence he had been wrapping around himself since he knew of her death:

"I miss you... I've been missing you since I first left."

[nygmobblepot-trash]

Halloween Special. Sorry its a mess but I wanted to write something. I'm still trying to figure out the main fic. This was honestly supposed to be them making fun of each other but it got very real very fast.

Description: Oswald has a Halloween party. Ed against Jim's wishes crashes the party. Ed seems to be up to no good as the night goes from bad to worse as it seems the fight between Ed and Oswald can only ever end in blood.

*1 week before Halloween*

Jim calling Oswald: "Listen Oswald I'm going to get straight to the point because I hate having to do this every year. As we all know holidays are when Gotham is its worse. And since I know Nygma recently got out of jail I'm sure you two are dying to do your therapy sessions in public. But for the sake of everyone in Gotham I am begging you not to. This isn't a challenge either I am very aware both of you consider yourselves above the law. Anyways I got my hands full with whatever Valeska is doing so please for one night, behave."

Oswald: "1st of all how dare you think I care whatsoever about that asshole. I didn't even know he was released. I have washed my hands of him. You should be calling him. He's the one who keeps crawling back to me ready to start shit. I run an empire, you know, I can't just allow him to get away with it. Regardless I plan to have a small party, drink too much wine, and be in bed by 11pm. No excitement from me."

Jim: "Whatever you want to tell yourself Os. I'm just warning you." *click*

Jim now calling Ed: "Which one am I talking to?"

Ed: "...Riddler."

Jim: "Thank God maybe I have a chance. Listen Ed. You need to keep Riddler away forever if possible but at least till after Halloween. I can't deal with you two... well technically three I guess counting Os.. fighting this year. Take this chance to better yourself, maybe get rid of the Riddler for good. Try and make up for all the damage he caused. I want to believe you can still be good Ed."

Ed: "Sure thing. Its about time I take control back of my life. I found someone who I think can fix me. I'm on my way to find them, I'm actually no longer in Gotham."

Jim: "I'm happy to hear that Ed. Good luck and good night." *click*

*Halloween night at 10pm*

Gordon watches Oswald's party as it is the last possible site for trouble. The alive Valeska brother was brought into custody hours before.

Oswald is now on his second bottle of wine.

Jim watches as the group near the exit suddenly go quiet. Their eyes seem to switch between Oswald (who can barely stand at the moment) and whoever just joined the party. He gets ready to draw his gun at a very likely assassination attempt. He expects Zasz or even Butch, better yet he wishes it was as the crowd makes way for the so called genius of Gotham.

"This isn't therapy, Ed." Jim yells.

Edward Nygma in full costume as Oswald Cobblepot (He has the spiked hair, black eyeliner, and everything): "Edward Nygma is at therapy. I'm attending my own party which I paid for by embezzling large amounts of money."

Gordon quickly glances at where the real Oswald was moments ago but sighs a breath of relief when he isn't there. "OK you've made your point. Leave before I have to break you two up."

"Oswald I was wonderin' when you were goin' show up to your own partyyy. I came here alllll alone because you're my only friend. I would never openly admit to that though. I waited all night for you." Jim heard Oswald slur from behind him. Jim didn't need to turn around to know Oswald had changed into an Edward Nygma costume.

Oswald (Ed): "Well you know me! I got too carried away with the wine and lost track of time. I was out busy killing the new thing that made you happy. Now you only have me to love! I don't understand why would be mad at me for that."

Ed (Oswald): "HOW DARE YOU?! I just met her and she looks like my dead ex. We belonged together. Its not like we had history saving each other's lives. Its not like I made the man you are today. You were never changed into a confidant genius who took no shit from anyone. You have always been the smart, scared, little boy that no one likes."

By this point all the guests had left except the detective who lost his will to live, the genius, and a drunk penguin.

Jim grabbing a drink from the bar: "This truly is their idea of therapy."

Oswald (Ed) quietly: "You... you truly did mean that much to me. I did so much for you and you still felt entitled to all my attention."

Ed (Oswald): "You were going to leave me. After everything we had been through you were going to leave me for someone you had just met."

Ed taking off the wig and fake nose: "I was scared. That night when I met Isabella-" The real Oswald takes another swing of his bottle at the mention of her name. "deep down I... or should I saw we knew what was going to happen. I'm not the best at social ques or love for that matter, but I knew. The way you looked at Riddler, complimented him, lingered in an embrace for just a few seconds too long, I knew it because I saw myself in you. Riddler and I tried to pretend it wasn't happening and focus on being your perfect advisor. We wanted to react what you said in the moment for once instead of already knowing the exact conversation ahead of time."

Oswald laughed, pain and alcohol were heavy in his voice: "You knew and still picked her over me."

Ed: "I need to finish Oswald. Please. Then she showed up and I panicked. I took control over the Riddler. I had a chance of going back to my own life and getting it right this time. So I tried while Riddler warned me what I would do. But I didn't do it because I wasn't capable of that. As long as I didn't need to protect myself she would be fine. I enjoyed playing house for a while. Riddler didn't like it at all. I believe he still wanted to go back to you. All I wanted, all I needed was to pretend for a little while. We all know I couldn't live like that forever. Oswald if you had just controlled your jealousy I bet I would've come back to you. But you robbed me of my choice, of my happiness for your own. That isn't love. It's possession. No one controls us."

Oswald: "Ed we've been over this. I proved myself over and over. And you still chose to betray me again and again."

Ed: "I can never tell anymore! You say one thing to my face and another behind my back. We are all so obsessed by not being hurt by one another we have to be the one to act first. I'm tired Oswald. Riddler enjoys the game still but I'm over it. You know we're all perfect for each other. Our punishment is to torture each other for eternity. I can't do this anymore. I won't do this anymore. For real this time, Oswald. I know we each have our final speeches for what it seems at least once a month, but I can't do it anymore." Ed pulls out a gun from his pocket. "For what it's worth, I've always admired you."

Jim pulls his gun out again: "Ed stop. This isn't how to settle this."

Ed looks sadly at Jim: "You know us, Jim. This is how we do this. Once and for all Oswald. I have decided..." Ed sets the gun on the floor. "that you get decide what happens next." Ed kicks the gun to Oswald. "I created Riddler because I wanted to be like you. You molded him to be like you and destroyed me in the process. Now I get to let you finish the job and destroy both of us. Here's the catch though. Riddler doesn't want to die especially not at the hands of Oswald Cobblepot. He's doing his best to take control and get the upper hand on you. I have my own gun. I won't use it, but he will. I don't have much time Oswald so you better act fast."

Oswald picks up the gun and stares at it. "How does this end? I know you've ran every possibility in your head. So tell me, what do I do?"

Ed shrugs: "You're heavily intoxicated. The first shot grazes my temple. Jim tries to fire at your hand before that but comes to find his gun has lost all of its bullets. Your second shot is the winner." Ed points to the middle of his left eyebrow while Jim quickly checks his gun. "We're never going to stop fighting and you know this. Which is why you decide to let it all end. I dont know if it's revenge or if it is mercy. Or maybe you just refused to be killed by someone named the Riddler.

Oswald readied his gun without emotion. "Fair enough. Goodbye Ed." If Jim and Ed hadn't seen him drinking they would've guessed he was completely sober.

Jim got ready to tackle Oswald while Ed smiled and closed his eyes. "I leave it all to you, old friend."

Oswald rested his finger on the trigger. Something about Ed's tone was off.

"Oswald stop!" Jim commanded as he ran towards Oswald.

As Jim closed in. Ed's (or was it Riddler's) eyes shot open. Oswald smiled as whoever it was pointed his own gun at Oswald. "You were wrong." Oswald moved out of Jim's path at the last second. Jim turned around to try again but to his surprise Oswald shoved the gun into his hands.

"Weak." Riddler spat.

"Unfortunately." Oswald shrugged. "But thanks to Ed, I know you are too. I think I know why you enjoy our games."

"Enlighten me."

"You love me, but you think love is a weakness. You watched it destroy Ed and you refuse to be weak like him. You refuse to make up with me, but you also refuse to let me die. The part of you that hates me, the part you think is the strongest actually isn't. If it was I'd be dead right now. You think the part of you that loves me is your weakness, but it isn't. No matter how hard you try your hate never wins. With no side winning we are stuck in this endless game. Both sides get what they want at times before it is all taken away. You get close to me, you get scared again, you sabotage, I refuse to kill you, you refuse to kill me, repeat the cycle over and over again."

"That. Is. Not. True."

Oswald laughs. "It is. I think Ed planned all of this. He lied when he told me how this would end. He trusted me to figure out his plan. He thought this is what would finally get through to you."

"... that isn't possible!"

"He said I destroyed him and he wants the same for you. Love destroyed Ed Nygma. He doesn't want me to shoot you. He wants me to love you again."

"I won't be destroyed by you."

"We're both stronger than that. We both know who we are. Ed hid a part of himself from that woman. That's what ruined it all. No more lies or hiding. You know together we'd be the strongest pair in Gotham. If Ed and I are wrong then you can kill me, but we all know you won't. We all know Ed isn't wrong. I'm sorry. I promise to never make decisions for you again, but I will not stand by and let you lie to yourself." Oswald stepped in front of Gordon who is ready to shoot Riddler. "Do what you're going to do. Just promise me you won't ever regret your decision, Riddler."

"Y-you called me by my name." Riddler's hand wavered.

"Unfortunately I love you and that ridiculous name." Oswald sighed.

Riddler started to close the distance. "You pretended to be drunk."

"Took you long enough to figure out. Maybe you aren't that smart after all." Oswald smiled and Riddler stopped in front of him.

Gordon marched over and took Riddler's gun. "You're both incrediblely idiotic. Stop dragging me into your messes. You're lucky that I want to go home instead of arresting you two for whatever you think this was."

"Flirting?" Oswald offered.

"Dueling each other is not flirting." Jim muttered as he left the room.

"Right and getting your dates into situations where they almost die and you have to save them is?" Riddler shot back.

"I heard that Ed. Thin ice." Jim's voice was heard from outside the door.

"Oh no! Thin ice with Jim Gordon, how will I ever survive!" Riddler smiled at Oswald "good thing I have a penguin on my side."

Oswald quickly grabbed onto Ed's tie and pulled hard. "Shut up already."

"Make me."

Oswald did by doing thing he wanted to do ever since the first day they met at the GCPD. As the seconds passed Oswald decided it was worth the wait. Who knew the prick could kiss like that?