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#and I know who his friends are and idk I just feel like he might be kinda hurtin inside bc I’ve seen him say things and seen his demeanor
lovemyromance · 3 days
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your posts are literally the elriel bible, I don't think i've disagreed with a single one.
In general, elriels agree on a lot of things which is why it's so odd to find EL/GAs fighting with themselves over "elriels say elains gonna be a warrior" and "elriels say elain's gonna save illyria" because I have never EVER seen a single elriel say such a thing. I saw a long post from some elucien about how elriels self-insert and then they listed a long list of things about what canon elain is - except i don't think elriels would even disagree with what they were saying?
It got kind of muddy when they started trying to claim that "canonically azriel only lusts after elain" but whatever - you get the point. Why are they putting words in our mouths?
Thank you :) I know I always excessively post about elriel (because I'm pretty sure I have the attention span of a squirrel), but some days these petty arguments really make my eye twitch.
Idk why antis seem to think Elriels want Elain to be some warrior, savior of Illyria, High Queen type character. I thought we've all been pretty vocal in wanting to keep her femininity and her kindness and finding strength in her compassion.
If it's because the fanarts....well I think we've all established that nobody is really claiming fanarts to be canon. I think that goes without saying when we have fanart of an Elriel family with Illyrian offspring - or when Eluciens have fanart of Elain looking happy around Lucien lmao. Both are not canon. Who cares - it's fanart? It's not like we really going to pretend that all their fanart is canon either?
Because canonically - Elain can't stand Lucien. Canonically, Azriel has literally never touched Gwyn.
There are basic traits to these characters that nobody can deny. But the antis always have a way of adding additional, personal bias into things. They say Elain's not a warrior - cool, that's true, that's canon – but then they take it a step too far and try to claim its canon that she abhors all violence and she would never touch a dagger and she would hate Azriel because he's a warrior.
Canonically, Elain killed the fucking King of Hybern. She might not crave violence (oh- also what an odd thing to claim - that ANY character loves violence, btw), but she has already proven to be violent when needed.
Canonically, Elain does use a dagger. Not just any dagger - Truthteller.
Nobody's saying she out here training as a Valkyrie at the HOW - but she's not just sitting here in frolicking in a meadow while the rest of her friends and family go to war. She was literally taken AWAY from the main battle in ACOWAR and she still showed back up to pull the most badass move in the books, saving everyone.
Idk what about that is so hard to understand. No Elriel has said she's gonna save Illyria (lol), no one has claimed she's going to be Enalius the Second, nobody is out here waiting for her to take part in the BR and also become a Carthyian.
Elriels like Elain as she is. And even though she's not a warrior, even though she doesn't enjoy violence, even though she isn't a Cartyhian – Azriel still adores her. Azriel still wants her enough to question his religion. That's literally in the books. I can give you the exact page number and quote. I don't need to do any "extra analysis"
You want to talk about canon? Let's talk about how Elain is so perfect that she has even the most brooding warrior falling for her. Let's talk about how Azriel was willing to fight in a blood duel for her. Let's talk about how she was so ready to have a tryst with the Spymaster under everyone's watchful eyes.
We don't need to change anything about Elain, certainly not to have her end up with Azriel. Elriel having feelings for each other is already canon. Elriels did not have to change a single thing about them for them to find each other. That was SJM, so take it up with her.
I mean - she kind of ate when she summed up their relationship in ACOWAR with that scene in the garden...they might not make sense on paper but there's something poetic about them
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nekohime19 · 2 days
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AITA for punching my girlfriend in the face?
(Part two of the previous post!! Let's go! Love writing funny looney toons style things like that. It's still Wukong POV.)
I didn't expect to get that much answers 😅. Anyway, thanks for the wisdom.
For those who didn’t see my last post (AITA for sleeping with the guy my girlfriend is cheating on me with) : I have a girlfriend (Venom) who cheated on me with another guy (Six). So out of pettiness I went to see Six. I learned he wasn't aware of my existence and was getting played too. We bonded, got wasted and kinda slept together.
Here are my answers to all your comments :
LaZen :
NTA, thought you definitely need to break up with her like yesterday, cheating is not cool and poor six who was the side dish :c its going to be awkward but six and you need to talk with a nice breakfast about what you two want to do now, revenge? Just a one night thing? Or get to know each other, wich i think is going to be the latter since both of you were getting along, the guy just got to town, maybe show him around as friends?
OP response :
Yeah, I think it's due time I confront Venom, even if I really don't want to. Idk, guess she's been with me for a long time so it's somehow scary to move on. I honestly don't know what I want with Six. I've never been interested in guys before? And maybe he only got pulled by the mood? Anyway, you're right, we do need to talk. Idk if I can make breakfast but, hey, burned egg aren't THAT bad.
Lagt :
Anyway not the asshole, maybe a stupid move but at that point why even bother coming back together if you two were already broke up? Like it feels like she couldn't decide
NTA
OP response :
😬 You're really calling me out with that one. Venom and I do have a pretty weird way to settle things. Guess I just got used to the constant breaking up and getting back together.
Sakurabloom_26 :
NTA, OP it doesn’t matter the reason, she cheated on you and played Six for a fool by making him her AP.
It wasn’t ok that you slept with her AP before breaking up with her (especially since the two of you were drunk), but considering you both were played for fools, I can’t blame you for shooting your shot.
As for what to do, wait for Six to wake up and decide on how the two of you are going to catch Venom in the act and then dump her.
Regarding Six, I’d take it slow, offer to be his friend and if you think there’s a genuine connection there, ask him out on a date (something simple like a coffee date, or a picnic), but be sure to assure him that if he doesn’t feel the same way that you still want to be friends (you both sound like you just need someone to genuinely be there for each other, so awkward emotions shouldn’t mean that your friendship has to end 😌)
Best of luck to you OP, I’m rooting for you 😊
OP response :
Yeaaah, wine really got into our heads and maybe we shouldn't have slept together. Honestly, being friends with Six doesn't sound bad. I’ve never been interested in guys before so it's pretty new. The thing is I don't know if I felt like that because of the mood or because of genuine feelings? Taking it slow might be better, especially since we're both kinda still with Venom at the moment?? Thanks!
Mystsong :
NTA, you were cheated on by Venom and Six had no clue what is or was going on. Not sure it was a good idea for you and Six to sleep together but you were also both impaired by alcohol so you both weren't thinking at the time. I'd definitely stay away from Venom and take things slow and steady with Six and see if there's something there. Also please be careful with Venom I've heard of some ex boyfriends/ex girlfriends doing some crazy things when they get mad at their exes or to keep control of their exes...and she sounds dangerous to do that. Also getting advice from some friends and family like your successor, Bud, might also be a good idea especially if you want to get proof of what Venom is up to and has been doing. Hope this helps you out. (Hugs sent)
OP response :
The things alcohol makes you do. Talking it out with Six might be for the best, idk if he'll want to see me again though? Guess I'll just have to ask. Maybe we can just be friends for now until we figure it out. Venom can be intense, yeah. I wouldn't put it past her to pull some shit like that. I don't want to involve Bud in this mess though, he's not really aware of me and Venom and he has enough problems because of me. (Hugs received)
Sag3mint :
Honestly wondering what Venom's reaction will be. Anger probably. 🤔
But once she realises that the reason why you and Six met is because of her, oh boy...... 🤭 That's gonna be massive blow to her ego.
OP response :
Oh boy, she's not gonna be happy that her bf and her side bf are getting it on together. This is gonna be a nuke field to travel through.
Halfdeadhalfpaniced :
Oh she’s definitely not going to take it well but technically none of this would have happened and you two would never have met if she didn’t cheat first. Honestly OP? He’s probably not the only one she’s ever cheated on you with and might not even be the only other person she’s currently seeing.
OP response :
It hurts to think about that, I hope she didn't… But I can't be certain.
Littleguy-dot-io :
nta.. you seemed to be doing yall a favor. venom. seems kinda like a bitch??? like bro.... pick a struggle. anyways sorry she did that to yall both but break with her
OP response :
At this point, Yeaaah, both Six and I really need to break up with her.
Furornocturna :
Okay, a LOT to unpack here, but I’ll try my best to give you some advice you desperately need.
Overall consensus? ESH.
Let me elaborate before you dismiss me outright.
Venom clearly sucks the worst here for cheating and stringing you and Six along.
You weren’t wrong for wanting revenge (I would too) and you weren’t wrong to tell Six about the situation (probably should have done it sober tho), but the two of you cheating on her back with each other… while admittedly a little hilarious as an outsider hearing this story secondhand, that doesn’t do either of you favors here. Not only did you sink to her level, but now the situation is messier than before that you now have to deal with when she finds out (which she will). You are going to have to confront Venom to end things with her, OP. Because that’s what you need to do.
From the looks of it, she checked out of the relationship three months ago, and the love there on your end was gone after you found out she was cheating, plus was likely already heading in that direction with the other background you gave on how things have been. And Six doesn’t deserve to be the side piece to her either.
First and foremost, you and Six both need to break things off with Venom (and deal with the fallout that comes with, as I have little doubt she’ll take the news well) before you proceed with anything else with whatever it is you want to do with each other. Which, despite the rather unorthodox circumstances, it appears that you two really hit it off.
But if this is something you want to pursue, platonically, romantically, or whatever else, you need to sort out yourself. You mentioned questioning your sexuality at the end of your post, so you’ll want to figure things out there before jumping headlong into another relationship. More than that, if you really like Six in any form, the last thing you want to do here is make him think he’s just a rebound. He was also hurt by Venom too. And make sure Six isn’t just rebounding on you either. You both really need to communicate on your wants, needs, feelings, etc, and how you want to proceed.
I hope things work out for you and Six. It really sucked that this happened (Venom cheating on you two, not you two finding each other), and I hope you both can recover from this and come out happier.
ALSO
Since you mentioned Venom causing city-wide damage in the past and how she’s caused issues with your successor, I worry both Bud and the city might also become casualties if Venom decides to retaliate against you and Six for breaking up with her/finding out her cheating. Don’t let them get caught up in the crossfire of this.
Make your next moves carefully, and you’ll get through this with the least amount of hassle.
Hope this helps!
OP response :
Honestly, I do feel kinda bad for sleeping with Six because of Venom. Even if I'm really angry and some petty part of me thinks she deserves it, I didn't intend for things to turn out like that. Things with Six just… spiraled, the alcohol didn't make it better. Not the first time wine makes me do stupid things. But, somehow, I don't regret it?? I definitely need to confront Venom and I sure as hell don't intend to keep dating her after this. Things will be messy and, you're right, I do need to watch out for her reaction and make sure things don't get out of control. I don't know how things will go with Six. Tbh, I don't know what I'm feeling for sure either, everything is kind of a mess right now? But right, talk, we need to talk.
Sorry if I made a mistake on you guys names, 😅.
And sooo, I have an update 👀
AITA for punching my girlfriend in the face?
After that night with Six I got up and tried to make breakfast. You know, something nice to set a nice mood. Problem is idk how to cook (I usually eat hair, it's a mystic monkey thing) sooo my attempt failed miserably and I ended up with a black goo that was supposed to be eggs.
I just settled for fruits. Like Six should like fruits, no ?? He's a monkey. So I prepared a nice basket and waited.
I was kinda nervous.
Which was very unlike me. I'm not a nervous guy. But I never did hook-ups before, not with a guy, and not with my girlfriend's secret side boyfriend much less. It was a messed up situation tbh and I felt guilty for what I did (somehow it kinda felt I cheated on Venom??), angry at Venom and also excited to see Six again.
Six woke up after a few minutes, he looked ruffled and very much like he spent the night having fun in the sheet (I'm proud of that tbh). He froze when he saw me. Dear in the headlight froze and we stared at each other for a long minute before I managed to awkwardly gesture towards the basket.
Six sat down and nibbled on some mangoes. Our conversation kinda went like this :
Me : “so, last night was… ?”
Six : “... A lot.”
Me : “Yeah… Huh, what do you wanna do?”
Six : “Don't know… Guess I'm just gonna keep my distance a bit.”
Me : “From Venom?”
Six : “Yeah…”
Me : “How about we confront her together?”
Honestly I said that because I didn't really want to confront Venom alone. She could be intense at times and, well, it was perhaps better to do it with everyone directly involved present.
But before Six could reply, Bud barged in.
Now, I'm not the best at keeping track of time but I usually know when Bud is coming. But with the whole situation it just slipped by me. The three of us froze and Bud's mouth fell open… For context, the marks of what we did last night were still very visible so it wasn't hard for Bud to connect the dots.
Now, Bud knows I'm with someone but I never told him of Venom. The main reason is because Venom is more on the “bad guy team” and doesn't think that kindly of Bud. Moreover, Bud has been the cause of a lot of arguments between Venom and I and I didn't want him to be involved with an angry Venom. I just didn't want things to get complicated and thought it was simpler to separate my love life from my mentor life. Maybe I was also a bit scared of how Bud was gonna react to me dating a “bad guy”.
Maybe that's why Bud's first reaction was to be excited and rush to Six, rambling about how he's finally able to meet my partner. I'm not blaming Bud for thinking this but Gods above it was so awkward.
If I said that Six wasn't my boyfriend, then Bud was going to think I'm cheating on my true partner (Venom)... Which is kinda the truth?? Somehow???
I honestly didn't know what to do and, at this point, I was feeling a lot of different emotions. I didn't want Bud's image of me to be tarnished but I didn't want to lie to him either about the situation. Six, who looked quite overwhelmed as well, didn't outrightly reject Bud's claim but clearly didn't agree with it either. He just… excused himself and took the opportunity to leave. Which I can understand. Dealing with Bud isn't his responsibility and he just learned he was a side piece yesterday, he probably needed some time to cool off and think clearly about what happened.
He smiled at me before leaving so I assumed that he's not that upset with me.
Gods that smile.
I avoided Bud's questions after this and put the subject to rest. Neither confirming or denying anything. I just told him we'd talk about it later. It's not like I didn’t want to confide in Bud, but I didn't want to drag him into this mess, he has enough already on his plate.
So now, fast-forward to three days after that incident. I took a lot of tests on the internet to know if I'm actually bi ?? I questioned a lot about myself, my own sexuality, and what I wanted to do with Six and Venom.
Six and I decided to meet again and clarify things. Mainly about what we wanted to do with Venom and how we should confront her. He came to my mountain and we sat down around some fruits, trying to figure out this whole mess and how we should go about it now. Honestly, both of us agreed we should break up for good with Venom. But we weren't sure if we should tell her about our lil “fun in the sheet”. Venom can have an explosive temper at times (she did destroy half of the city) so we didn't want to anger her more than necessary. I know I may be TA for wanting to keep my “kinda cheating” with Six a secret but at this point I just wanted to be done with Venom and not give her any more reasons to put the city or Bud in danger. It was a moment where both of us were emotionally vulnerable, and waisted. It wasn't wise, especially given the context, but I did insist that I didn't regret it. I really felt like we had a connection that night. However, before Six could reply, I saw Venom stomping down this way with an enraged look.
We both panicked. The marks of our night together were still somewhat visible and both of us didn't want to aggravate Venom more than she already was. In hindsight, maybe it was kind of a stupid move and would seem even more suspicious to Venom, but I pushed Six in the nearest cabinet. He looked livid so I just told him it wasn't the right moment yet and that I'd deal with her for now. I quickly applied some glamors to hide any marks and waited for Venom to arrive (for context, glamors is kind of like magic make-up).
She was furious. She paced and accused me of cheating on her. I pried a little for information and it turns out she overheard Bud talk about my male partner and, yeah, things spiraled down from there.
So my soon-to-be ex was ransacking the house in search of my supposed side piece and I was just nervously standing in front of the cabinet with Six inside. She approached the cabinet and was ready to throw hands. In a moment of sheer panic and instinctual reaction to years of fighting demons, I punched her in the face, not enough to truly do some damage (I can pack a mean punch) but enough to knock her out.
So now Venom is passed out on the floor and I'm feeling very guilty and Six is still inside the cabinet, I'm typing this with the speed of light.
Should I just tie her up???
So AITA??
AND WHAT DO I DO????
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blindmagdalena · 12 hours
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Hello!
Wonderful "Eat Your Ego, Honey" got me wondering:
what would happen if Homelander was interested in a stripper?
She's known for her dancing and, he sensed, her secret superpower/-s. Would he be furious that a girl dances in front of some "dirty" men? Would he torture her for being afraid of him? Would he be uncomfortable with the smell of her sweaty body?
I literally see scene of meeting: she's dancing to gothic metal in the dim lights of the room; Homelander is freaking out, jealous and horny (because he feels like she's having a blast dancing).
Thanks for your fanfics, I adore it! Because of your headcanons I fell in love with Homelander and decided to watch the series...
anon. the absolute RABBIT HOLE you sent me spiraling down with this ask is genuinely insane. firstly tho, thank you!! i'm so happy you enjoy my work and have been inspired to watch the show! i hope you love it as much as i did.
okay, now, onto the meat of this. i can't imagine Homelander ever being in a strip club, but i absolutely can see Vought having a dancer supe who performs at shows! and then i started thinking about what kind of powers she might have.
(this got long. strap in.)
and okay. bear with me here. i have the FAINTEST memory of a kids show (something like goosebumps or are you afraid of the dark) where they told a monkey-paw type story of a girl who wished that everyone would like/love her. and of course this turned out to be a fucking nightmare. people were obsessed with her automatically to a scary degree and she was eventually swarmed and maybe killed by the aggression of the adoring crowd? i don't remember.
but that made me think about her power being something of that nature. a chemical that compels people to adore her. when she sweats, and that sweat evaporates off of her skin, it fills the air people in the vicinity inhale it. it's what makes her dances so incredibly popular! but too much exposure to her powers can cause, uh... scary side effects in people. make them deranged. obsessive.
she hates it. it's destroyed all the relationships in her life. it's pretty much inevitable that she'll eventually effect the people around her, and it either freaks them out to the point they break contact with her or creates a completely inauthentic infatuation with her. it's impossible for her to know if anyone actually likes her, or if they're just under the influence of her powers.
she, like Homelander, would know what it's like to be "loved" in the most hollow sense of the word.
how cut to Homelander who's present at one of these shows where she's dancing and oh my god something smells incredible. downright intoxicating. it calls to every fiber of his being and he follows the scent of it until he's close enough to the stage, and it shocks him to his core to realize it's a person.
except! Homelander is so fucking chock full of V himself that he's not wholly affected by her... idk, pheromones? whatever you want to call her aura of effect. but he IS intrigued by it. by her. by the way her body moves and how she seems to have cast a SPELL on the entire audience.
he expects he'll be able to get a chance to speak with her after the performance, but bafflingly, she gets the FUCK outta there as soon as her set is done. naturally he has to follow!!!!
and okay i just had so many ideas for this! i even thought of One Single Friend she has who's a fellow supe and, due to his own powers, he's immune to her effect. i haven't figured out how exactly. maybe he doesn't breathe the way normal humans do. or he has some kind of innate filtration that makes him immune to gasses and things. his supe name is something stupid like... The Filtrator.
speaking of which her supe name would probably be like. Enchantress. something that alludes to the charming effect she has. but her friend knows how her powers work and he playfully calls her The Perspiren. perspiring siren. 😭😂
anyways i think they could have a lot of really interesting parallels! and of course Homelander would be intensely possessive of her, but he's also a HUGE exhibitionist and i think he would get off on knowing how badly everyone wants someone that's his.
he wouldn't ever physically hurt/torture her, but he would of course become violent if his possession of her were challenged or threatened in any way. if anyone touched what's his, or presumed they could take her. anyone she showed interest in would definitely wind up dead.
can you tell that i thought WAY too hard about this.
idk if i would make this an oc or a reader fic. i feel like this could definitely work for my first proper supe!reader fic! it's got a ton of potential. thanks so much for sending this!
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ohmigoshiloveu · 25 days
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Okay so like. I still haven't managed to get myself to finish episode 9, so I don't fully know how Theo's glow up finishes, but regardless I fucking love relistening to Emizel's section of episode 1 and like. Fuck man Theo does a lot of growing. Like he's a little bit pathetic at the beginning of the series. He's so, so brave during the alleyway fight, but he sounds shaky and scared and like a sopping wet pathetic baby the entire time. Charlie specifically describes him as not very alert, not a great fighter, and gives him this little moment where it takes him a second to manage to crush a soda can. He botches the check to beat Emizel in Smash Bros so there's a chance he sucks at the related skills (dexterity and computers I think?), but also after he loses Charlie specifically has him sound super frustrated and conclude that he should've 'stayed in his lane'. When Emizel says 'We'll do what we do best,' and Theo immediately responds with 'drink soda?' so fast that the other players notice it. Charlie might've had that as a predetermined character thing. Theo drinks soda. There's not much else to him.
Which creates this interesting dynamic between him and Emizel, because Emizel is so much better at him at all of these skills that the people around them (a FUCKING GANG) value. Emizel's perceptive, and agile, and strong, and a great fucking fighter irl and in videogames AND he always sounds badass. He's the top dog, the apex predator in their social circle. And I think that colors their relationship a lot? Like Theo has to look up to Emizel. I bet that Theo's looked up to Emizel since they first met, maybe Emizel came crashing into his life doing something epic and Theo thought it was the greatest shit ever.
On the flip side, I was getting a few hints of resentment? Hear me out! It's that 'should have just stayed in my lane' line. He's painfully aware how great Emizel is, compared to how much he's (from his perspective!) just a one trick pony. He's here to drink soda and say funny things, that's all most people want from him and he fucks up whenever he tries to do anything else!
And later in the segment Theo snarkily brings up a medicine check that Emizel had just fucked up in like this super backhanded, super passive aggressive way. That could be him wanting to rub Emizel's one singular fuck up in his face (especially because Theo was having a Moment about how he feels like people only see him as the soda guy, so any feelings of inadequacy would've been dialed up to eleven, so if there was any time for him to resent Emizel it'd be then), but it could also be that he was frustrated with Emizel being an ass (Emizel had just guessed that Theo's dream was to be a nurse, which was flat out wrong, and that's literally what set up the backhanded comment. Theo was saying something like 'thank fuck you don't wanna be a nurse cuz you sure fucked up with nursing that guy earlier.' It could also be that Emizel literally almost forgot Theo's name. Theo literally gave him the 'th' sound, it might've just been a bit Charlie was doing or it could've been Theo being AWARE that Emizel almost forgot his name. Or! It could be that in this moment, where Theo was confiding in Emizel about feeling like being the soda guy was all anyone ever saw in him, Emizel said something to the affect of 'well yeah Soda's the fun one.' Emizel doesn't think before he speaks and literally has a 1 in empathy. Just because he loves Theo doesn't mean he's not gonna blunder into being a complete and utter asshole to him. I'd hazard to say Emizel accidentally being an ass to people he cares about is a running theme).
But also all of that might come down to Charlie still getting the character down. Or, because I've theorized before that Theo might not've been supposed to survive the first Gabriel fight, the little hints of bitterness might've been intentional (even if they were completely improvved and Charlie didn't mean to add that to Theo's character) because Charlie was trying to shove as much character into this character before he was gone, but once it became clear that Theo was going to stick around longer he dropped it. As far as I remember, that bitterness is completely gone in all later interactions we see with Theo. OR! It could be that the bitterness drops because they've both got bigger fish to fry from that point onward, what with Theo's Shilo Incident TM, Emizel's vampirism, the Weylin twins. He doesn't have time to be bitter, he's too busy worrying about losing a cornerstone of his identity or helping his best friend adjust to being a fucking vampire now. And then after he learns to live without soda that basically negates his feelings of inadequacy- like, getting over the idea that he's nothing if he's not the soda guy would be required for him to give up on being the soda guy. And then Emizel would drift back into JUST being a guy to aspire to instead of also being a reminder of Theo's short comings, and then drift even further down into being 'guy who is actually going through it and has to overcome his own demons just like I had to overcome mine'. Like, I think we got to watch Theo slowly start to take Emizel off this pedestal in real time (he still definitely thinks Emizel's hot shit tho. Emizel's his boy, after all.)
Regardless, even if Theo did resent Emizel a little in the beginning, it's so fucking clearly overshadowed by how much he fucking loved him. And like, how could he not? Imagine you're Theo, critically low self esteem, and the literal coolest guy you know fucking LOVES you. Like, Emizel keeps consistently going out of his way to pull Theo up to his level and to treat him as an equal (mostly. Sometimes protectiveness bleeds through, like in his hypothetical fang scenario in ep 1 where he predicts there being five Fangs to fight and he says he can take three and Theo can take two (which in itself is still incredibly kind to Theo. Like, boy, you thought Theo was gonna be able to take out two whole guys? Hell no.) But that could also be chalked up to Emizel just being a cocky ass who wants to show off). Like dude, c'mon. Emizel might be a reminder of everything that Theo's not, but he's also probably Theo's biggest cheerleader. He wholeheartedly thought he was being supportive when he said he thought Theo'd make a great nurse! In all seriousness, though, even if it ultimately discourages him, Theo playing that Smash game against Emizel was at least a little bit of proof of him decidedly not 'staying in his lane,' and Emizel seems to inspire that! Later in that segment he challenges Theo to see which of them can break one of the Fangs kneecaps first! I bet Emizel challenged him to stupid competitions a lot, and that got Theo fired up and competitive in return!
And even when Emizel's not building Theo up, he's still giving Theo special attention, or readily receiving any attention Theo gives him. If nothing else, even at his lowest points that might've made Theo feel cool by association.
On Emizel's part, I think he's like, possibly completely oblivious to any turmoil Theo's going through? Like he thinks Theo's the shit and genuinely sees him as an equal. I'm 99% sure that Theo being his right hand man happened because Theo would've put himself into the role (in episode one before he gets all of his character development he's pretty much always looking to Emizel for what to do, and still more or less does whatever he says up to where I'm at in the series, with refusing to leave the alleyway being the only exception I remember). I think if Theo'd had higher self esteem or been less eager to defer to Emizel, Emizel would've happily gone about his business slotting Theo into more of a partner role. He tells Theo to run from that alleyway because Theo'd taken a fucking devastating hit and Emizel was sure he could handle himself, not because he knows Theo sucks at fighting. He tries to turn Theo into a cool vampire. He convinces Shilo that Theo'll be a valuable asset to raiding the Weylin warehouse and they take Theo with them instead of having him stay behind with the car like Grefgore, despite Theo being the one who actually knows how to drive. He tells Theo about being a vampire even though he keeps it a secret from everyone else, confides in Theo that 'yeah he might absolutely be susceptible to going into a frenzy like Shilo did.'
When you get down to it, Emizel pretty much tells Theo everything he would think is relevant, with two notable exceptions. Maybe three if you count him not telling Theo he has nine lives like a cat but tbh I think he might've just forgot. Or maybe he gets to it later, or maybe he did tell him and I forgot! idk man! But! Those other two things. First off, he like. Pointedly does not tell Theo that he's a prince. Like when they were doing the recap on the way to the Weylin warehouse, there's like. Charlie gives Condi an opening to say it, a little 'is there anything else?' and Emizel just. Doesn't. And the second one is that (at least where I'm at) Emizel never comes clean about bloodbonding Theo. Maybe it just hasn't come up yet, but still. It fits a pattern of Emizel not wanting to admit something that makes him, like, ABOVE Theo somehow. He sees Theo as an equal, and a precious one at that, he doesn't want things to get weird between them because he's literal royalty, and he doesn't want Theo's life to literally revolve around him like it would under a level three blood bond- and doesn't want to admit that he even considered it, even if he did it without really understanding what it was.
And Emizel backing off from ghoulifying Theo after Arthur explains what it actually entails kinda leads into a far more headcanon-y relationship analysis thing so um. Feel free to skip the next paragraph.
So! Like. Why the fuck was Emizel so attached to Theo being Soda. Like he gets over it decently quick, cuz that's his buddy and it's what Theo wants, so like. Whatever. But like, if I'm right about Theo always looking up to Emizel from the moment they met, there might've been some wiggle room between when they first became friends and when Theo became Soda. And like, before Theo became Soda, being Emizel's buddy would probably be the only thing he'd feel he had going for him? Which would've made it even harder for Emizel to get them both on equal footing, and I think that's just... really unappealing to him. Like! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Emizel loves having people kiss up to him and respect him and blah blah blah, I just think Theo being his boy and Emizel treating him like a partner go hand in hand. Either they weren't best friends yet or Emizel was just. Kind of uncomfortable and eager to push Theo into growing into something more than a hypeman. And then the soda incident occurs, and it gives Theo SOMETHING to define himself by, something people like him and know him for that's got nothing to do with Emizel, and maybe the initial soda incident was bad, but having that sense of identity and falling into what kind've feels like a class clown kinda role might've helped get Theo over his self esteem issues long enough for Emizel to go 'oh you're actually super cool. sweet.' and then blah blah blah they get super close like they are in canon. And then whenever Theo seems like he's backsliding into what he was before the soda incident, Emizel tries to course correct not because he doesn't think Theo's any fun without soda, but because he's made the mental connection that Soda without soda turns into less of a best friend and more of a follower, which as stated before he probably really doesn't want from Theo specifically. but idk. pure conjecture here.
Anyways, above all else, Theo's important to Emizel. I really, really like the idea that Theo was supposed to be like a brother to him (which. Again pointing at my 'Theo was supposed to die in episode 1' theory, can you IMAGINE the angst Emizel could've had about that? Lose one brother and then someone else claiming to be your brother shows up? It would've felt like some hellish, not-worth-it trade. Like a betrayal, like accepting Shilo might mean replacing Theo, and how could he ever?)
And Emizel's important to Theo! But unlike Emizel (who I'm 99% sure is gonna have some kinda moment with Theo but I genuinely cannot see him loving Theo in any other way than the way he does now), Theo has the bonus of having his view of Emizel have a clear trajectory to evolve over the course of the campaign. Like I said, he seems to be getting more confidence in himself and like, not gonna get into the stuff I've had spoiled beyond episode 9 but it seems like Theo's gonna get a lot more comfortable being a proper leader and not just a number two. He's gonna have an easier time seeing Emizel as an equal, and I think that's fucking awesome!
I could be completely off base, but if I never watch another episode then I'll never be proven wrong. So. Ya know.
#jrwi the suckening#emizel tucker#jrwi emizel tucker#jrwi soda#jrwi theo collins#theo collins#suckening thoughts#fizzfangs#jrwi the suckening spoilers#I also personally headcanon that Theo might've been like the first person to think Emizel was cool. Like. okay hang on.#I think Emizel didnt get a lot of attention growing up and learned to act out to get peoples eyes on him. Which fixed the first issue but#created a new one where all attention he got was negative attention#and then younger Theo who still feels painfully mediocre (in a way that TOTALLY wouldnt tie into him being neurodivergent adhd in canon)#and Theos getting negative attention without even trying. maybe its because his grades suck. Maybe he gets distracted or fidgety and gets#detention from being disruptive or for being accidentally disrespectful and Emizels also in detention because he blew up all the school#toilets and flooded the building. and more importantly Emizel is EMBRACING the negative attention that Theo cant seem to avoid#And it makes Emizel seem really fucking cool and Theo thinks hes really fucking epic and starts following him around and hyping him up#and then its genuinely the most positive attention Emizels ever gotten and he fucking eats it up. it pushes him to show off and go bigger#and it also gets Theo a very very special place in Emizel's heart. its just that Theo being kinda mediocre makes it really hard to hype#him up back the same way. Except- ya know- Theo fucking loves soda so Emizel can insta-win at positive social interaction if he keeps soda#on him#its like one of those kids who give out candy because they dont know how to make friends#Emizel give Theo soda because he genuinely doesn't have a frame of reference for a wholey positive relationship yet#and then whatever the soda incident is kinda just solidifies it. He's his boy Soda! Soda's his thing! Emizel loves him so much!#idk man this is all headcanon territory im just going insane am i even making sense rn#goddammit this might age like milk i have GOT to finish the suckening so i can brainrot properly
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artsycooky13 · 17 days
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top 3 fave bbys in the burrito show (bonus SUPER LONG tags on how i feel bout the characters)
#my art#boruto naruto next generations#sarada uchiha#shikadai nara#inojin yamanaka#in no particular order except sarada is my fav- i think she shouldve been main focus- girl brings all of og team 7 together at all times#just her family history alone is very interesting and i WISH we had seen a convo with sausage boi about her uncle and just everything#but shes a pretty solid character on her own- VERY good mix of both parents yet still being her own self#shikadai is funny i really like seeing him- hes a sight for sore eyes- bro got EVERYTHING from his dad minus his eyes and maybe hair#his dynamic with boruto being besties is really fun to watch- sarada too- with both shika and sara being geniuses and all#i love inojin's simplicity and how ordinary he is.... its... realistic?#hes artistically talented yes with his ninja art stuff but everything else hes kinda... mundane? at times even bad?#Considering every other prev gen child's got all these cool stuff goin on- i like that hes just... kinda normal... i like that about him#boruto i actually do like as well- he'd make a GREAT support character- i love how big bro he is and how he wants to stand up for others#hes a lot like naruto in that way- and might be a hot topic to say this but i also like how - in his very first arc- boruto hates the hokag#not his dad but internalized that the job took his dad away from him- regardless on criticism i think that concept is really neat#i am not well versed in what the story is now for boruto- ive just kinda picked my snacks on what i wanna watch lmao#but i do wish there was more showings of slice of life for all the kids- cuz they are all really interesting- especially for prev gen's kid#>>wished they did timetravel arc with sarada so we coulda seen young sasuke & sakura interact with boruto and sarada T_T#one last note: borusara is very interesting- but i actually prefer them just being friends- at most friends with crushes on eachother#i do think its cute but i like the dynamic of it being unrequited idk its new for me i just prefer them as friends with crushes lmao#prob cuz they work as characters independently Im not really interested in ANY of the new gen hookin up- borusara is the most interesting#i mean it IS the ONLY one being pushed canonically but i like it- that boruto looks out for sarada and sarada worries for boruto#but ya i wish boruto was like mitsuki in being a side character - i think a LOT more people will find him less annoying that way#though- i REALLY want more sarada and sasuke dynamics being shown- actually the uchiha fam a TON more than what we got#they are just SUPER interesting to me lmao#im a sucker for the emo boy turns soft and has family and bonds with their kids- its one of my favourite things in media#i feel like scraping the ocean floor when im trying to find quality sasuke and sarada art pieces and story stuff#cuz ive exhausted all the content in these past what 2-3 years of knowing both boruto- and now more recently - naruto#(yes im one of those people who knew boruto before naruto- smite me)
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genekies · 3 months
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tag vent
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#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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Baby boy brother birthday photos from last year that I just realized I never uploaded!
#cats#also hopefully it's not weird to still post photos of George (the brown cat) even after his death a little while ago. I just have so many#beautiful old pictures of him that I still love but just never had the time to sort through or upload (my cat photos folder on my#computer had like 450 pictures in it or something lol... SO many). I feel like it's kind of just honoring or appreciating him#and not actually strange or anything. like what am I supposed to do. delete them?? I want to share them still because he is beautiful and#perfect ! idk. aNYWAY. Also this is their 2022 birthday when they turned 14 years old. (even though I think when I posted#their 2021 bday I might have said they were 14 then too. I was off by a year lol). 2023 when they turned 15 I unfortunately#was feeling kind of sick at the time and didn't really have the energy to do the decorations like I usually do. So they just got a few#treats and stuff. But I didn't know that would be george's last birthday lol. :/#They also do not really know or care though. they're cats who cannot process it or know the concept of birthdays so. eh#I still have no idea how these got lost on the computer though. Like I had them fully edited ready to post but just sitting in a folder??#Since MARCH 2022 lol... ??? the folder was in another folder of pictures so maybe that's how I overlooked it#But it's my 'once every 4 months computer organizing and clean out time' so I was going tghrough looking for pictures#I could drafts posts out of or sort or etc.#They got lots more treats for this birthday because one of my friends actually game me a few gifts for them#elderly boys.!!!!#I used to write in the little caption/image description sections to talk about them all individually but at some point tumblr broke that#feature and for so long they never saved or weren't visible so I stopped doing them and just ramble a bunch in the tags instead#but I kind of miss them. Thinking about old posts of the cats where I commented on each photo individually too lol.. the good ole days
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sonknuxadow · 5 months
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they werent lying that knuckles series barely has knuckles in it
#i pirated that shit Btw just so we're clear. also gonna talk about it a little bit in the tags#nothing too spoilery but also might not wanna read if you want to go in knowing absolutely nothing? idk#anyway he WAS a main character still he was present for a decent amount of the first couple episodes#but the amount of screentime he gets just starts dropping after that . hes barely there at all in the second half ???#and it feels like theres a lot of scenes mostly focusing on wade and his problems and not near as many for knuckles and his whole deal#overall it feels more like a wade show with knuckles in it than a knuckles show with wade in it. which sucks#and human characters having plot relevance isnt the problem here i dont mind human characters at all i think they can be really fun#its the fact that the human characters are taking over the story and spotlight when the show is called knuckles#and all the marketing makes it look like knuckles is the main focus#and i also would have preferred if they just went with a differnet character to be knuckles' human friend#because i dont particulraly care about wade. and the knuckles (and sonic and tails) i know would not be friends with cops </3#well at least the story wasnt knuckles training wade to be a better cop like a lot of people were expecting but thats like.the bare minimum#also aside from the issues relating to knuckles' screentime (or lack of screentime) i thought the ending was unsatisfying#regardless of all that though there WERE some parts i enjoyed or found kind of funny or whatever. because knuckles so cutesy as always#knuckles being a cute little guy is the most important part of the show actually#and i liked the parts with sonic tails and maddie even if they were only there for like 5 minutes#(i really wish those three had gotten more screentime. i feel like they could have easily worked in at least one more scene with them)#and its a minor thing but the opening sequence is cute. was honestly expecting just a title card or something#overall the show is just . kind of okay i guess. not the worst thing ive ever seen but still disappointing ? idk how to explain..#my expectations also werent very high in the first place#so maybe im being a bit more generous than i would have been otherwise. idk#and i definitely would not recommend this to anyone who already dislikes the sonic movies . youll probably hate this more#like people who thought the human characters got too much screentime in the second movie would lose their minds if they saw this
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paigemathews · 7 months
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Getting close to the end of that list now, but for the February ficlets prompt:
a charmed one with their ex bf in an unexpected situation (gen, again dealers choice of who)
Pairing: Paige Matthews & Glen Belland
Background Pairings: Paige Matthews/Henry Mitchell & Glen Belland/Jessica Belland
"Paige!"
The call was loud enough that several people looked over in annoyance, but Paige couldn't have cared less. Glen swept her into a hug while she laughed against his shoulder.
It'd been ages since she'd seen him, and so much had happened since. He seemed to agree as he pulled back, hands on her shoulders, and demanded, "You faked your death?"
"I can explain!" Paige immediately exclaimed.
"And were working for Homeland Security? When did that happen? And-" Finally noticing Henry standing behind Paige, he furrowed his brow and nodded towards him. "And whose that?"
Stepping back, Paige couldn't help her uncharacteristically shy smile as she introduced him. "Henry, this is Glen, my best friend. Glen, this is Henry. My husband."
"What?" Glen squawked.
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g0thsoojin · 1 month
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📓🦇
#honestlyyyu#life without him is so boring....#idk... just imagining my life without him makes me feel bored lol#i want to be with him i think ...#but it is difficult bc we live on two different continents#and relationships between nations are difficult bc you're not allowed to just move anywhere lol#idk how it could work#plus ... also he's 20+ years older than me.. to me it isnt an issue more than#1) he wont live as long as me (if we both die of old age that is lol)#2) everyone are very judgemental and even if both of us mainly want to just have us and not any social circles#it will be hard.. and how am i supposed to tell my mom....?#the thing with that is hard because of my avpd.. im not normal#i never will be. even if i like met a guy my age now in school and we started dating i wouldnt want to tell me my mom#i cant explain how i feel to normal ppl but yeah... im just someone who wants to live isolated to myself#i dont want to be like yeah hi mom heres my bf who i fuck and love and now lets go for family dinner woooop#idk ... i could never. i just cannot do that normal life.#so then its like.. it isnt purely bc im 'ashamed' of him and the age gap#im just someone who feels shame about everything.... so i wouldnt wanna tell my mom anyway#but then it feels like im 'betraying' her. if i move away to another country to be happy on my own#and she wont even ever get to meet my bf or hear abt him... i'll get married (bc of convenience) and she wont know#that feels bad.. like im hurting her. but i know in my heart that even if i met a bf my own age here#i would NEVER want a wedding. my avpd.. im not a normal functioning person.. i'd want just me and the other person there. not infront of my#family... idk i just cant do normal life things..#maybe sometimes i dream abt having a few friends and being cared for. but that is a DREAM#theres no way of knowing if i'd ever find ppl like that. im also very different and cant connect to basically anyone i meet fkn EVER!!!!!#he's the only one i've ever met that im this compatible with.. and he is real. and i know him. should i let go of him just for ppl i havent#even met? who i might never even meet? bc yeah the thing is that with him we wouldnt have a conventional life. it'd be just us#and thats not really a bad thing. its just that w my avpd i never know what i really want bc i want smth but when it gets real#and i can actually have it suddenly i dont anymore. and i want the other thing i didnt want before...#so i have sm fears.. what if i choose him but then will never get that comfortable job in a cozy school and my own apartment
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man.. shipping with characters from movies is so hard..
#ash rambles 💚#I'm the kind of person thats super particular about my self inserts#i need them to be lore accurate and have super fleshed out backstories. i aspire to create the characters i want to see in media#and they will always be their own characters before they are me#that being said. i have such a hard time making an s/i when there's no wiggle room#this new guy I'm crushing on.. the story is so fast paced#and he's really in love with another girl#i love him and all that. but it feels like there's no room for me. that just pisses me off! ugh!#i feel the same way about k.ili too though not to such a great extent#idk man. i just hate when this kind of thing doesnt work right#writing my inserts is my greatest passion and i truly am proud of some of my lore#I'll always care for them as characters more than as a vessel for me to kiss pretty characters and i know all my friends can agree that 90%#of what I've sent them is writing about my s/is and not my f/os LMAAAOOO#but yeah. it's so hard for me to figure out where my self insert goes in this movie#also um. i dont want to have an s/i just be a useless side character that just stands there. i know this might sound silly but#as a brown woman who didnt grow up with much representation and to this fucking day has not seen a single punjabi woman in the media i grew#up watching.. i dont want my characters to be useless#ugh sorry I'm rambling sorry for being so negative#anyhow. I'm almost done with the first movie. crush boy is so handsome!!! gamers idk how long i can keep his identity a secret#hahaha what if you were a blacksmith and i was a cute writer and... and we kissed..? haha jk..... unless..?
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aethernightmare · 6 months
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#i'll be real i've been feeling some kind of way this week and needed this reminder.#the refusal by him to go to therapy is also a conscious choice.#the refusal to at least attempt to get sober is a conscious choice.#the refusal to still pin blame on you when you're not the addict and you didn't lie or cheat in the relationship is a choice.#the refusal to improve any area of their life (job - therapy - medication - better friends - an apology to those they hurt) is a choice.#so much of what i mourn is that my partner was genuinely a different person before the substance abuse.#i don't know who this current man is but it feels like a stranger who murdered my husband and stole his body.#because the man i loved might as well be dead. i don't even see glimmers of him anymore. not towards me or other people.#there's no comparison anywhere. not even in appearance.#i can't even know if he'd go back to the way he was if he got sober - because it was impossible to get him to quit more than 3 days.#if it wasn't alcohol it was weed. if it wasn't weed it was alcohol. often blended with days of not logging off mmos.#like none of these things in a vacuum are bad but his relationship to them at the expense of everyone and everything else was.#to this day he thinks i 'left him' when -in an inebriated rage - he told me to never talk to him again. so i haven't.#when he was the one who burned our bridges - so it's also his responsibility to improve and reach back out. even just as friends.#which he said he'd do - but never has.#he may not even remember some of the awful things he said and did to me at the end because he was always getting blackout intoxicated.#but as a result he thinks i was the one gaslighting Him when his memory was full of holes. because he thinks he's above being that affected#he probably thinks i'm manipulative for wanting him to get help and do these things.#but if he actually went to therapy (and was honest) or attend AA he'd see these are the professional steps - not ones i 'randomly made up'.#idk. some days are harder than others to deal with the absence and the silence and the trauma he left behind. today is one of the hard ones#a letter to my ex
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gayofthefae · 1 year
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Will getting Vecna’d and El goes in to save him but now El knows about Will’s feelings/Will knows that El knows.
[and maybe it causes him to pull away from Mike, especially if he sees El there too because he’s worried she’ll think he’s trying to do something and he just doesn’t want to hurt her and then of course more Byler angst “why have you been avoiding me” in combination with all the other angst from current setups of course]
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louismygf · 6 months
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just recently watched this is us with my college friends
#tbqh i found it kinda boring 😭#the louis clips were so not enough#ive watched some clips online prior to actually watching it (for the first time might i add)#one of my friends had a cousin who was crazyyy ab 1d so she dragged her out to the cinema to go watch it when it came out and in 3d lol 😭#the 3d schtick is so funny 2 me lmao 😭#my friend recalls freaking out in the movie theater bc she was a major niall fan at the time. she said 3d niall was so close 2 her face lol#anyway. ab how i watched some clips online prior#i was actually waiting for the louis n his sisters part or the one where he visits his school or smth#my friends.... they literally don't know a thing ab louis personality-wise so they didn't really get much from it#UGH i should download aotv and make them watch it that was way more interesting (but idk? smth about it feels like it's made for fans only?#but... i'll suggest it the next time we get together 🙏🏼#anyw back to my review.#simon cowell's face was a jumpscare what can i say. it was so evil how nicole scherzinger was just. completely written off#im from the future i Know things#<- and like. about this. i felt kinda bad being cynical about the movie when i know my friend is Still an ot5 at heart#i think i broke her 13-year old heart a little 😭#it's so weird how the movie keeps singling out zayn about him getting kicked out or him talking solo music etc kskdj. feels v pointed Lol#they really just documented the 1d-mania & madness they ensued huh.... i think 2 of my friends (bts fans) weren't as impressed LOL 😭#they kinda flamed their performances and stage outfits which is. yeah i agree. kpop idols do WAY more than just.... that (1d) kskskd#i guess i'll make them watch the extra clips next time (o haven't seen all the clips yet i think)#OH and 😭 why was martin scorsese in the film that was hilarious#didn't have a lot of realness to it. is what i thought of the film. yeah. this is(N'T) us ✊🏽😔#maybe... i am too much of a hater#i liked... the... um. it's hard to highlight things i liked ab the film when im Not a 1d fan 😭 like im a louie ONLY idgaf ab 1d 😔#the part ab louis audition.... im sorry babie the editors did u dirty but it was so funny........😭#<- though i imagine it solidified people's (wrong) opinions about him :/
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plexippusangel · 7 months
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I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.
#faer personal files#i just. really didn't want officiating his wedding to be our last hurrah of friendship even though i did kind of feel it coming#also i'm really sick of being infantilized for my chronic fatigue i am a grown adult and i know what i'm capable of#ugh. maybe i'm just being awful and not understanding in which case i'm too much of a rancid person to be his friend i guess#but i don't think that's the case#idk i'll never forget when i couldn't see this dude for a year even masked up outside for covid but when another of our old friends came up#from her job doing COVID RELATED CROWD CONTROL FOR THE FUCKING ARMY he went on a hike with her mask off#and i think that says a lot about what our friendship's been for years honestly. if he can't bear my company idk why i try#if i'm just an interesting prop for conversations and occasions but not a friend. i can't accept that#i am an interesting prop for conversations. the disabled genderfluid bisexual genius who lost everything bc of said disability#but i didn't lose everything i just have to fucking rebuild on new ground. and i am doing that. i whine on occasion but i am so strong#and i do know how to interact with people without traumadumping i haven't on him in YEARS but his concept of me crystalized at age 21#or something like that i guess. idk it just breaks my heart#bc for a long time he was my person. he was the only person who knew the authentic me. more even than my sisters at times.#and yeah that was a little unhealthy but at the time he craved that!!!#and then i grew up and stopped needing him like that around the same time he stopped wanting that and it should have been fucking fine#but like. even senior year of college when i was sick it was already starting to fall apart#like i remember being on a small hike once being exhausted and jokingly being like you gotta carry me back and then being like#no really i might actually need an arm to lean on by the end of this walk if i'm gonna make it back to the car i really don't know if i can#and he said no bc he didn't want to look straight. who the fuck CARES??? i could barely walk i was stumbling my way back annoying him going#too slow. fuck. and that really has been what our friendship has been for years. the minute my house wasn't the most convenient place it wa#more or less dead idk why i keep dragging this horse around#idk why i keep letting him break my heart like this it's so stupid he's never gonna care about me like he did when i was quick and brillian#but never quite as smart as him in his view. fuck him. i'm smarter. just bc i was a little gullible or paranoid at times bc of the#FUCKING CPTSD doesn't mean i was dumber than him. the fuck??? there's something wrong with me i swear idk why i hang on#anyway i'm irritated. but i'm also reluctant to throw away somebody who's seen me through key points in my life. so.
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asterdeer · 1 year
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writing my silly little jonmichael fics like “yes this fic/series is all about michael and jon finding ways to connect and see each other beyond the roles they both knew/expected from the other, i can’t wait to explore this a little deeper so they can hold hands and then sit next to each other and then cry in front of each other and—“
and then iTS MICHAEL&TIM ENEMIES-TO-FRIENDS SUBPLOT WITH A STEEL CHAIR
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