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hurricanerin · 5 years

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Not Just One of Your Many Toys 1: Don’t Tell Me What to Do

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale/OFC

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: MAJOR SPOILERS, loss of virginity, power imbalance, general dickishness

Summary: Ransom and Olivia have been thorns in each other’s sides for fifteen years. They’ve tolerated one another, coaxed each other through major milestones, and trampled on one another’s hearts. After years spent healing from one of Ransom’s toxic outburst, Olivia finds herself subpoenaed by the Drysdale family as a character witness for his criminal trial. Their son is out of control, and the one person with the best chance of getting through to him wants absolutely nothing to do with the man.

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Boston, 2005

There has never been a moment in my life that I haven’t known exactly who Ransom Drysdale is. We met in the fall of 2005, right after my dad was promoted with General Electric and my family had moved to Boston from Puerto Rico for his new job. I was 13 and Ransom was 19, and I could’ve told you within 5 minutes of enduring his company that he was a playboy and a Grade A narcissist.

My parents and his mom, the legendary Linda Drysdale, had closed on our new house the week before. When my papá had mentioned to our realtor that he had 6 engineer brothers and sisters in PR also looking to move to the Boston area, Linda immediately swooped in and took over the sale. We had moved into the new house for two days when who showed up on our doorstep with a giant Harry and David gift basket on his mother’s behalf? Ransom. I’ve never seen my mom so taken with a man so quickly. It was absolutely nauseating.

My mom and I had been sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast with my little brother when Ransom waltzed in, ruining our meal. While he charmed my mom, I shooed Gian from the table, stuffed him into his coat and boots and shoved his toast into his hand.

“You’re gonna miss your bus, vete,” I said with an affectionate push.

He waved me off, but I could see his smile as he scrambled out the door towards his friends. When I turned around, Mamá was on the phone, distractedly scribbling on a notepad at the center island. Ransom had seated himself at our table and was examining the gift basket. After retrieving a pear, he rearranged the treats so it looked as if nothing were missing. Catching my eye, he shot me a grin, took a bite of the fruit and flaunted it in front of me.

“Want some?”

My mom’s groan of frustration cut off my retort as she hung up. Without missing a beat, Ransom hid the pear behind his leg.

Clipping her beeper to the waist of her skirt, she motioned at my backpack. “Ol, you need to get your school stuff and hop in the car, I have to go to the hospital early. I need to drive you; school is on the way. A patient needs to go into surgery now.”

I scowled and put my hands on my hips. “I’m taking the bus with my friends. You said at this school I could!”

Already gathering her coat and keys, she shook her head. “I’m sorry, mija. Not today. Come on, we need to go. I can’t leave you alone at home for that long.”

My nose started to sting. I didn’t want to sit at school alone for an hour and have to explain to my new friends why I wasn’t on the bus like everyone else.

Carefully watching the interaction, Ransom cleared his throat. “Mrs. Santos, I would be happy to stay with her until her bus comes. I’m home on break from Yale for the week and would love nothing more than to get to know your daughter,” he offered, radiating charisma.

“Oh Ransom, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“Honestly, our house is only a few streets away, so we’re practically neighbors. It would be no problem.”

She hesitated, glancing from Ransom to her watch. Back home, we didn’t have babysitters. Family played that role. I couldn’t imagine leaving her 13 year-old home alone with a strange man was high on her list of things to do in the US.

Ransom read the situation well. “Mrs. Santos, my girlfriend is just at my parents’. Why don’t I give her a call and the three of us can clean up the kitchen until…,” he motioned at me.

“Olivia,” I snipped.

He didn’t flinch. “Until Olivia’s bus comes,” he finished with a smile.

“I suppose… that would be alright,” Mamá agreed. “Your family is so kind!” Sighing in relief, she snagged me for a kiss goodbye and scurried towards the door. “Behave, Ol! I’ll see you at dinner,” she shouted over her shoulder.

I listened to the garage door close and turned to find him thumbing through the Harry and David catalogue while dabbing pear juice from his lips with a napkin. I glared at him for a minute.

“You and your mom are just being nice to my parents because I have a lot of aunts and uncles moving here,” I accused.

He looked up, laughing in surprise. Nodding his head to the side, he shrugged a shoulder, “You’re not wrong. Did they tell you that?”

“No, but I can tell.”

A soft ping sounded and he patted his pockets, pulling out a phone from his jacket. He continued nibbling at the pear until all that was left was the core, then absently dumped it on my abandoned breakfast plate. I walked closer and peered at the screen in his hands while he typed furiously.

“Do you have any games on your phone?” I asked.

“This isn’t a phone, it’s a Blackberry.”

“Do you have any games on your Blackberry? Like Snake? My mom’s phone has Snake.”

“No, it doesn’t have Snake,” he snapped as he pulled a headset from his jacket pocket and plugged it into the headphone jack. Almost immediately it rang and he slipped the earpiece on, pushing me.

“Jackson?” He sighed at me in irritation and turned away. “Yeah, come up this weekend. They’re two Norwegian bitches, semi-professional skiers or something. Super hot. They’re in the US to train but stopping to vacation in New England or whatever.” He ran his finger along the wicker of the gift basket while he listened to his friend respond. With an exasperated sigh, he shook his head. “No, no, we don’t need to take them sailing for them to put out.”

I stared at him, my jaw dropping. I knew it was rude to both stare and eavesdrop, but I had never met anyone who was so blatantly awful.

“They’ll fuck us because I’m crazy rich, bro, don’t worry,” Ransom chuckled. He leaned back against the table and rolled his eyes as his friend prattled on, until his gaze landed on me. His eyes widened.

“Shit,” he muttered. “Jax, I’m not alone. I gotta go.”

He yanked the earpiece off and tossed it on the table, leaning towards me with his elbows on his knees.

I scowled. “You don’t really have a girlfriend who’s coming over.”

“Olivia,” he said with a practiced smile that actually reached his beaming eyes. Ignoring my statement, he took me in for a moment, cataloguing my appearance as his gaze came to rest on my neck.

“That’s such a pretty necklace you’re wearing, did you pick it out yourself?”

My insides tingled a little. I didn’t like-him-like-him or anything, but he did look like a prince and he had complemented the starfish necklace my parents had given me for my birthday last summer. It was my favorite.

“It was a present from my mom and dad, from when I turned 13 last year.”

“Christ,” he muttered under his breath. Something about me being a kid. I didn’t know what that meant, because he made an angry face. But that quickly went away and then his prince face was back.

“That was my friend Jackson on the phone,” he motioned at his Blackberry with his thumb, “We go to college together. We joke around a lot,” he chuckled, rubbing my shoulder. “You do that with your friends, too, right? Tell jokes, mess around?”

Confused and skeptical, I nodded.

“And you don’t always tell those jokes to your parents, because they don’t understand them. You keep them between you and your friends.”

I raised my brow, trying to look formidable. “You don’t want me to tell my mom what you were talking about.”

The friendliness in his expression melted away, the corner of his mouth tugging upwards instead. “Exactly.”

To this day, I wish I could say I stuck up for myself; that I told my mom how much of a jerk he was. How he was a deceptive, womanizing liar who didn’t deserve an ounce of our time. But, I didn’t. Instead, I stooped to Ransom’s level.

My family had money; my mom was a physician and my dad a senior engineer for GE. We lived very comfortably. We had spent several months in the US in an apartment before finding the house, during which they had been earning American salaries and making more than ever. But, both of my parents came from humble means, sent a lot of money back home to their own parents and grandparents, and did not appreciate the materialism I faced every day at the private school they sent me to.

And Ransom had… a lot of money. He had made that clear over the phone. I’m not proud to admit that I requested the Tiffany heart tag bracelet I had seen other girls wearing at school in exchange for my silence. I’m even less proud that, after scoffing at my proposal, Ransom walked me right past the Tiffany & Co. on Newbury Street and in to Cartier and had me pick out a bracelet there instead. He said he hadn’t bought Tiffany for a girl since he was my age and that he wasn’t lowering himself. I still have the bracelet buried in my jewelry box, though I never put it on. Considering its origins, it feels dirty to wear, but I can’t bear to part with it.

Boston, 2007

In 2007, we found out my dad had a mistress. He had paid for her to move over from PR and had been supporting her in Boston for two years. That would’ve flown in PR, but in the US, my mom’s friends wouldn’t stand for it. (Especially the female divorce lawyer next door.) That was more or less the end of my dad’s presence in my life. There’s a chance he might walk me down the aisle one day, but that’s only if Mamá insists on a super Catholic wedding.

My dad leaving didn’t affect me like it did my mom and Gian. I had my friends and tennis, but Gian was younger and quieter; he and my dad spent a lot of time with little robot projects and those LEGO sets and I could tell he missed him. Mamá was lonely at home, too; she and my dad had been together since high school. She had spent a lot of time taking care of him, despite her working 60 hour weeks.

A few of my dad’s sisters hung around as moral support, but Papá eventually pressured them until they stopped coming to see us. However, there was an additional isolated party within our vicinity who also needed a group of humans to latch onto; someone with the capacity to fill the role of both quasi-paternal figure (figure, not role model), and platonic spouse.

I’d seen Ransom with Mrs. Drysdale; at best, she spoiled her son. At worst, she placated him with money, demeaned and dismissed him. Even I didn’t appreciate how she treated him and most days I didn’t like him. After graduating last in his class from Yale, Ransom took the year off to get away from her. Not a normal “take the year off” where you travel to learn about yourself, or work, or anything like that. Instead, Ransom bought property in the Maldives and imported $500,000 worth of Dom Perignon—the Rose Gold kind—, and flew in ballerinas from Moscow while telling his mom he was joining the Peace Corps for a girl. When there was fraud on his black AmEx and he had to phone home for help, there was hell to pay when the call came from not Mongolia. Linda cut him off and kicked him out.

For six months, but still. This was Ransom.

My mother, bless her heart, would have absorbed all children needing a home if she could. And, though he was 21, Ransom definitely qualified as such a child. I honestly think Ransom needed the mothering, too. Growing up with a nanny paid to give you care is not a replication of a mother’s love, which he never had in the first place.

Ransom always showered Mamá with attention, asking how she was with utter sincerity while maintaining direct eye contact, thanking her for the work she did as a cardiac surgeon, and other general sycophantic niceties. I was terrified that would change for the worst after he moved in, despite their generous age gap. A freshly divorced woman could’ve been new prey for him. It wasn’t that she didn’t know who and what he was—she was under no illusions. But she had a soft spot for the broken bad boy with mommy issues and indulged him.

I watched him like a hawk when he was around her, but he never made a move. He certainly let her wait on him; she cooked him food from scratch and listened to him talk while she cleaned up the kitchen, but he was never salacious. I still give him props for that. It would have been an entertaining game for him, one he would’ve easily won.

It helped that he was gone half the time. He still had his car, keys to the Hamptons house and access to his friends’ jets and properties. I’m pretty sure Richard was also slipping him $50k a month because Ransom rebuilt his wardrobe pretty quickly.

I will admit I was slightly… antagonistic towards him during the beginning of his time with us. I may have picked a few fights. He wanted to watch Sin City because of Jessica Alba; I wanted to watch the Corpse Bride. He left questionable-looking hair trimmings in the shower drain and you can bet I was pounding on his door. He gave me that look when I thought I had dressed nicely, and I may or may not have launched myself at him. But, near the middle of his stay, we learned to co-exist, and even had some decent conversations. I chilled out when I saw how he was with Gian.

I’m not sure Mamá ever officially asked Ransom to step up while he was living with us, I think the only conditions she had was that he tip the cleaning people an extra $150 for how bad his room was, not have his douchey friends over past 10pm, and no sleepovers with the opposite sex. But, it was obvious to everyone under our roof that Gian looked to Ransom for companionship. And, to my utter surprise, Ransom kind of delivered. He took Gian to the U.S. Open and up to Lake Champlain to golf a few times, and they’d hang out at the house when Ransom was home.

Then, one day I heard him call Gian his charity project to his friends as they sat out on the porch. The second he came inside I punched him in the arm over that. The weirdest part about Ransom and his awful behavior is that he only kinds of means it. I mean, the idea was there, he had had the thought that Gian was less fortunate than him and needed his help. But I also know he genuinely loved my little brother and was making spending time with him out to be a bigger deal than it really was.

Six months to the day, Ransom had a moving company at our doorstep at 8am sharp. He only had a few hanging wardrobes worth of clothes to move into his new apartment; all of the furniture was being delivered by the dealer, but the man couldn’t lower himself to drive his own U-Haul. By that time, I had developed an appreciation for Ransom. It was kind of nice to have someone older to talk to, even though he had no conception of what real life was like. He was okay. I didn’t miss sharing a dwelling space with him, but I did kind of miss him.

Boston, Fall 2009

That fall, I was 18 and a senior at the Winsor School and Ransom was 25 and bullshitting his way through his Master’s of Science in Business Analytics at Princeton. I preferred not to ask questions regarding his attendance or grades. I figured the less I knew, the less I could be implicated in some scandal involving the university and bribery.

High school wasn’t a great time in my life. The kids at Winsor were spoiled and came from generations of overachievers. You could say there were a lot of Ransoms, I suppose; self-serving, arrogant, brutal, conceited, rich kids. I’m not saying I didn’t share some of those traits, I knew I was fortunate, but I liked to think I was a decent person. As a result, I was relatively lonely. I had the varsity tennis team, and that fit my basic need for socialization. But not once did I ever entertain the thought of a boyfriend.

As the years progressed, I waited for the mutual attraction for my peers to arrive. It never did. At that age, even if boys had adopted the air of sophistication they had seen modeled at home and had the ability to charm, they severely lacked in a different department, like intelligence or maturity. I shut down every advance without a second thought and didn’t look back.

Until, that is, my Senior year. As leaving home was becoming a reality, I decided I didn’t want to go to college a virgin. I just didn’t. Things happen in college, things you don’t always have control over, and I liked control. I liked control very much. And I wanted to have control over when and how I gave it up. And I wasn’t giving it up to some 18 year old I had dated for a three months who couldn’t kiss and also didn’t have the experience to help me enjoy the process.

But I knew someone who did.

I smirked as a key sounded in the lock, Ransom had never given his back from a few years ago.

“Ol?” his voice echoed up the stairs.

“In the kitchen!”

The old stairs creaked as he ascended, heading straight for the refrigerator without even looking at me.

“Hey,” he nodded in greeting.

“Hey.” For the first time in my life, I was nervous talking to him. I’d texted him, asking if he could stop by, which wasn’t out of character. He usually popped in at least once a month to return a book, pick up a sweater he forgot that my mom had washed or have dinner with us. He lingered, even after moving out. The flight from Princeton to Boston was only an hour, and it meant a lot to Gian, to all of us, really, that Ransom still visited.

While Ransom dug through the fridge, pulling out some leftover chorizo, I set about throwing together some protein smoothies for us. He had left a container of ridiculously expensive something something collagen protein at our house the last time he was there and it was expiring soon, so I split the remainder between us. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him fuss with the microwave.

I raised a brow. “You know how to use kitchen appliances?”

He took an exaggerated bite of a sausage slice. “Selectively,” he winked.

I bit my cheek to keep from laughing. Ransom’s “selective” helplessness didn’t need encouragement.

I think what we worked in was companionable silence, but I’m not positive. I was pretty geared up, so it was hard to tell. Settling at the table, I laid plates out for both of us, chewing my lip.

“I have a favor to ask.”

“I can’t get you into Yale early decision, but I can get you in,” he said as he reached for his smoothie.

I rolled my eyes. “I’ve already gotten into Brown on my own, which was my first choice, thank you. What I need is… different.”

“What is it? I’ve got cash with me.”

“Ransom! Listen to me. Just let me ask my question.”

“Okay!” he chuckled, his eyes gleaming as he swirled his glass.

“Okay,” I repeated, my heart pounding in my chest. I made myself look him in the eye. All of a sudden I wanted to cry? What if he said no? What if he laughed? What if he never talked to me again?

“Ol, you’re getting pale. You look like you’re about to ask me to skin a cat.”

“Shut up,” I grumbled, seconds away from losing my nerve. I inhaled deeply, folding my hands on the table in front of me and sitting up straight.

“Ransom,” I began.

“Olivia,” he countered, his face comically serious.

“I want you to take my virginity. Now that I’m 18—.”

“Hah—You what? No you don’t, Olivia, you don’t—.”

“I do.”

“Ehhhh,” he made a pained face and shook his head. “I mean, what do you mean by virginy? What have you done before?”

“Nothing.”

“But you’ve given head though, right?”

I tried to mask my embarrassment with a look of disdain.

When Ransom gaped in surprise, I kicked him under the table.

“A handjob?”

“I said nothing,” I bit out.

The corner of his mouth pulled upward and he tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. “What about like… getting off with each other?”

I shook my head.

“Sexting?”

“There’s no one I want to sext.”

He sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“But like…”

“I’ve never touched or been touched, Ransom. I’ve never seen a man naked, okay?”

He sighed. “I don’t do virgins. It’s a personal policy. Especially someone like you who has absolutely no experience.”

That stung, but I kept trying. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No—.”

“Are you dating anyone?”

“Ol, I don’t date—.”

“Ransom, this is exactly the type of arrangement you want!” I hissed.

“This should be something you do with a boyfriend, someone your age who you care about and who cares about you.”

I groaned and stormed into the living room, plopping into an easy chair.

“I don’t want a boyfriend. I’m going to Brown in the fall, so dating someone now would be pointless. And in Providence, between Chi Omega, studying, volunteering, and AMSA, I just won’t have time for a relationship.”

Ransom couldn’t suppress a laugh as he tailed after me. “You’re as heartless as I am.”

“I’m not heartless,” I argued. “I’m practical.”

He gave me a patronizing smile. “You’ve never done this before, you don’t know how you’ll feel afterwards. It’s sex. Girls get attached. I just can’t do that, babe.”

"You can! Ransom, you can. I won’t get attached. I’ll leave you alone after. I won’t text you for a month. Please? I—,” my cheeks flamed as I looked down at my hands. Bickering and bantering with Ransom was easy. Acting like I disliked him was easy. But being vulnerable with him? That was terrifying. “I want it to be you,” I whispered. “I don’t trust anyone else.”

With a sigh, he perched on the arm of my chair.

“I’m going back to Princeton on Sunday. Even if we did it tonight, we wouldn’t have 48 hours together.”

“I don’t care!” I slapped the seat of the chair. “What if—what if I get roofied and lose it to some guy and don’t even remember it? Or—or someone, you know… one in every four women faces sexual assault in college…”

That perpetual, devious gleam in Ransom’s eyes disappeared. Something brutal and vicious replaced it.

“I’d kill him. I’d kill anyone who touched you like that.”

My chest tightened. I’d never seen him that serious before, not even when he argued with his mom. It was a little terrifying. But, I had carried pepper spray on me for years since moving to the city and I already knew my parents were sending me to college with a SipChip, not that I’d be going to parties anyway. I tried another angle.

“I know I’m not the girls you normally sleep with—blonde, white, with yachts and horses and trust funds—

Darkness cast over his face.

“Olivia,” he interrupted. Brow creasing, Ransom lifted his hand near my face, then hesitated. With a growl, he cupped my jaw. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured, brushing the knuckle of the opposite hand against my cheek. “And trust funds are so mundane.”

I rose from the chair and leaned against his leg. “Then why don’t you want me?” It took everything in me to keep my voice from breaking.

Ransom shifted uneasily, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Ol, I’ve known you since you were a kid. I can’t—I just don’t see you that way.”

“You still see me as a child?”

“I guess, yeah.”

Butterflies flapped madly in my belly, but I held my breath and stepped forward between his legs until our chests were pressed together, trapping my hand between us at his groin. Praying that I applied what I had read correctly, I timidly felt for his cock. He grunted when I wrapped my hand around the outline of its shape and followed it with a shy stroke.

“I am not a child,” I husked in my best seductress voice.

“You said you’d never touched or been touched,” he accused through clenched teeth.

Both proud and embarrassed, I ducked my head. “I don’t like entering a situation unprepared. I read a lot and watched some videos.” Realizing the implications of my statement, I turned beet red. “For research, I mean!”

That earned me a genuine smile. Sliding one hand around my waist he pulled me closer, then used the other to firmly guide my palm over his half erect cock, rubbing it back and forth. I blushed as I felt him harden under my fingers.

“What else did you research?”

"Stuff,” I mumbled.

Rubbing his thumb along my hipbone, his gaze fell to his lap, watching my hand work over his erection. Then his eyes deviated to my front, trailing up my belly to my chest, which was, admittedly, heaving, and slowly made their way to my face. Looking someone in the eye had never made me clench down there before. It was unexpected, but not unappreciated.

I could see Ransom thinking, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine as he reasoned with himself.

“You need to think this over, you need to really consider what you’re asking me and decide that’s what you want,” he murmured, his voice rough.

My pussy throbbed at the sound, and it took extra concentration not to let my eyes close.

“When have I ever made a rash decision about something this important? I started thinking about this a year ago.”

He exhaled a laugh, shaking his head. “Of course you did.”

When his hips gave an involuntary thrust against my palm, he gently pulled my wrist away.

“That’s enough for now.”

Tears pricked at the corner of my eyes. “Did I do it wrong? Is that a no?”

He massaged his closed eyelids with his index finger and thumb, exhaling shakily. “It should be a no. A good man would say no.”

Drawing me against him once more, I whimpered as he ground his cock against my belly. “But I’ve never been a good man, have I, Olivia?”

He didn’t give me an opportunity to respond. The kiss was firm, but delicate. No tongues or biting or slipping or sliding, just lips pressed together, gently massaging. When he sucked at my lower lip I surprised both of us with a soft moan, causing him to bury his hand in my hair and tilt my head for better access.

I completely lost track of everything, because the next moment of consciousness I had was gasping for air as he pulled away. My fingers were tangled in his hair, my hand clutching his sweater like it was a lifeline, and his thigh was situated between both of mine, applying pressure to my clit that was making me see stars. Now my mouth was wet, but I didn’t care.

Once I could see straight, I dove for his mouth again, but he stopped me with an unyielding grip on my chin.

“Change,” he rumbled. “We’ll go to dinner at Menton, I’ll pull some strings and get us a table. Then back to my apartment.”

I squinted, still reeling from the kiss. “We’re not going to Menton first, that makes it sound like a date. This isn’t a date, we have one mission to accompli—.”

He gaze grew cold. “If we do this, we’re doing it my way. You’re going to listen to me. I’m in charge.”

My eyes flicked back and forth between his as my entire face and neck glowed pink.

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Say ‘Yes, sir,’” he corrected me.

“Yes, sir,” I repeated softly.

The pleased smile that spread across his lips gave me a warm feeling in my belly.

“Tonight, I’m going to destroy your pussy,” he whispered against my ear, sucking at my lobe, “I’m going to make you come like a whore.” Moving to my other side, he spoke softly again, his warm breath against my cheek making me shiver. “Your future husband will resent me for the rest of your lives, because I’m going to ruin you for any other man.” Nuzzling my nose with the tip of his, he kissed the corner of my mouth. “And you’re going to love it.”

I couldn’t help myself. I was throbbing, there was pressure building in my belly and the man had barely laid a hand on me. With a high pitched whimper, I sought his mouth again, but he wrapped his huge hand around my throat and shook his head as he held me back.

“Go. Pick out something nice to wear. Something you feel pretty in.”

Mouth dry, I nodded. He caught my arm as I went to leave.

“And Olivia? Not a scrap of clothing underneath.”

#ransom thrombey x you #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale x ofc #ransom drysdale smut #ransom thrombey smut #ransom smut #ransom x ofc #ransom drysdale #knives out #smut #fanfic #fanfiction #knives out spoilers #oh my god it's happening #mcudarklibrarykinkmonth

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deadlygoddess85 · 4 years

Text

Eternal Soul - Serie

- Part 2 -

Chapter 2 - The Coven

Pairing: The witches x Hongjoong, Seonghwa, San and Jongho

Words: a lot

Genre: Fantasy - a bit of horror

Songs suggestion: The Queen of the damned soundtrack.

Characters presentation - The vampires

Characters presentation - The Witches

/ CHAPTER 1 - THE BEACONING /

The sweet laugh of the chubby baby sitting on the toy plane made her chuckle. Even if she has been doing this for the past 3 years, babies are still her weakness. She loved them so much and this one, was a little cutie pie with the tiny aviator hat, the goggles, and the blue scarf around his tiny neck. He was having the time of his life with this toy plane.

The mother was incredibly pleased, and she promises to buy a lot of photos from this session. So, Nina made sure to make her baby look the best.

“Oh Nina! You are the best with kids!” said the woman picking up her baby boy.

Nina blushed, putting a strand of hair behind her ear “Thank you Mrs. Abbott. It’s easy to do my job with this munchkin” she said, playfully pinching the baby’s chubby cheek.

Mrs. Abbott looked at her watch and gasped “Oh my god! It’s already 9. I’m so sorry Nina, I didn’t know it was so late already”

“No worries Madam. You are my last client for today. Plus, we need the perfect picture for your little prince, right?”

The mother smiled, happy with Nina’s professionalism. The young woman walked them to the door and unlocked it

“Well, Mrs. Abbott, I will call you when the negatives are ready. We’ll schedule a new appointment to choose the pictures you want.”

Mrs Abbott thanked the photographer by giving her a huge tip and walked out the studio into the brisk summer night air. Nina looked at the woman walked away with her kid and she sighed. Her eyes went down to her hand on the 100$ bill the mother tipped.

“Thank you, Mrs. Abbott, you just paid for tonight’s rounds!” she chuckled.

The photographer closed the studio. She stopped in front of one of the mirrors in her shop and fix her make-up. She looked at her dress and smiled. She loved that dress; she remembered the day her mother gave it to her. The old woman had spent countless nights sewing the whole thing together as a surprise for her younger daughter.

Nina played with the hem of her skirt, her fingertip brushing across the embroidery details “I miss you mom!”

She wiped a small tear from her cheek and walked out her studio. She made sure the door was locked properly before she made her way to the Twilight Grove.

---

The Twilight Grove was already pretty crowed even if it was early in the evening. Jo, the barmaid, was busy trying to get all the drinks order out as fast as possible. She was thankful about her decision to have her hair into two pompoms tonight, with the crowd around her bar, it was super warm. She finished a batch of Cosmopolitans for a group of girls who were at a table in the middle of the place. Jo put all the cocktails on a tray:

“Marcus, cover the bar a minute, I’ll drop these cocktails to the girls over there!” she said taking the tray in her right hand and walking to the center of the place. Walking through the dancers was a hard maneuver but she managed to get to the table without spilling anything.

“Here you go girls!” she said giving the cocktails one by one to the customers. They paid Jo, but barely left any tips. The barmaid smiled anyway and made her way back to the bar. She noticed a man sitting alone at a table in a far corner of the place. It wasn’t the first time she was seeing him there. She got back behind the bar and continued taking orders when her sister arrived

“JO!” she yelled, making her way behind the bar.

“Nina! You’re not supposed to be here!” Jo said softly, hugging her sister. Nina took two bottles of beers, gave them to a cute man that was waiting and made him pay. She looked at her older siblings and winked. Jo shook her head smiling,

“Alright! We could use your help. Go see this man over there. He has been waiting for a while!” Jo said pointing at the strange customers.

Nina salute her sister like a soldier and happily walked to the stranger.

San was too concentrated on the crowd to see Nina walked to him. He got startled when he heard her sweet voice

“Hi Sir, we are sorry for the long wait. Can I take your order?” she asked smiling.

San blinked looking at the lovely woman in front of him. His heart skips a beat when she placed a strand of her dark hair behind her ear.

“Hmm…I.. I don’t – w-what do you recommend?” he studder. Nina giggle “Cute!” she thought to herself. She gave the cocktail menu to the young man and bent to his level to show him her selection.

“If you like sweet cocktails, I suggest the Blackberry Vanilla Lemonade. It is spiked with vodka. Very good! But if you are more strong alcohol, the Old Fashion is a classic here”

San’s heart skipped a beat again while having Nina’s face this close to his, he slowly inhales her sent, she smelled like fresh raspberries. He adjusted the glasses on his nose and gulped hard.

“I’ll- I’ll have the Old Fashion….please!”

Nina stand back up and winked at him “Coming right up!!”

San sighed heavily and slightly loosen his tie. He has seen a lot of people in his long vampire life, but nobody like this young woman. There was something about her. He decided to concentrate on her and read her mind.

Nina got back to the bar and gave the order to Jo. She leaned on the bar

“He’s cute, isn’t he?” she asked her sister

“Who?” Jo asked while she was mixing the cocktail.

“The man over there” Nina answered

Jo lift her gaze for a second, looking at the mysterious man and she smirked

“Well you sure did a good impression on him. He is so checking you out!”

Nina stared at him with hungry eyes and bit her bottom lips. San saw the way the young woman was looking at him. He fidgeted on his seat, clear his throat, and rake his hair with his soft fingers, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. Nina came back to him with his cocktail

“Here you go Sir! It’ll be 7$ please” she asked politely.

San gave her a 20$ bill while trying to avoid looking at her in the eyes. “You can keep the change” he said, his voice was tiny, almost a whisper. The young woman cocked her eyebrow at the sudden change of attitude. She pouted going back behind the bar to help her older sister. San downed the cocktail in one shot, the alcohol burnt his throat for a mere second and he left the bar.

---

The place was silent, only the sound of her breathing and the humming of the refrigerator was echoing into the lab. The dark hair woman took a syringe in her steady hand and slowly pour the liquid contained in it into the petri dish. She looked at the result through the microscope and scribble the details into her notebook.

“You are still here?” asked a male voice behind her. The woman took her goggles off and rubbed her eyes. She leaned her arms on the table and yawned

“Yes, I’m close I know I am, but I just can’t get the blood sequence right” she said softly.

The male walked to her and rest a hand on her shoulder “Andri, go back home! You haven’t slept in the last 48 hours. Get some sleep and come back in two days!”

Andri turned to face her colleague “But…”

“It’s an order! I’m your boss after all! GO!” the male ordered.

She sighed heavily. She knew too well she couldn’t win against her boss. She gathered her things, unwillingly, while her boss was watching her. She slowly walked toward the door of the lab

“Nobody touches my research please!” she said before her boss pushed her out the lab and locked the door. He waved at her with a big smile and she understood she had no other choice but leave and go home.

Although, she wasn’t in the mood to go home. She stopped by the lab’s showers, cleaned up and put on some clean clothes before getting out of the lab.

The wind was refreshing on her skin as she was walking toward the Twilight Grove. She walked pass a dark alley and heard a small whimper coming from the narrow road. She looked around her, hesitant, nobody was there, the street was empty. Andri made three slow steps in the alley

“Hello? Anyone there?” she asked. Silence, she was about to turn and walk away when she heard the whimper again. In a flash, Andri was pinned down by two vampires. Two vicious Nightshades trying to feed on her blood. Quickly, she reacted by focusing on her two sisters.

“Jo! Nina! HELP!”

Nearby, in the Twilight Grove, Jo and Nina suddenly hear an aerie voice calling for them. They both stop what they are doing and exchange a look. They automatically walked toward the exit

“Andri!” Nina shouted in the middle of the street.

“Where is she?” Jo asked her sister. They looked around; the street was empty. How was it even possible? A small fog-like smoke was hovering the ground, Jo saw, down the street, four maybe five vampires.

“Nightshades!?! What are they doing here?” her rhetorical question was only answered by the growl of three more vampires behind them. “We have to find Andri!” she told her younger sister.

Nina think quickly and she kneeled on the hard ground. She took a small piece of white chalk she always carries with her and started drawing runes on the hard ground, the fog covering the surface making it much harder for her.

“Cover me!” she told her older sister. Jo looked down at her sibling with wide eyes

“Are you kidding me?” The three vampires that were behind them tried to make a move toward the two sisters, but Jo quickly raised her hands in front of her and instantly the beast where violently pushed back by a huge invisible force. The three beasts were brutally shoved against the brick wall about 6 feet away.

“Hurry up!” Jo screamed at Nina on the ground. The young woman drew as fast as she could. As soon as the last rune was drawn on the ground, she put her hand together, gathering an imperceptible energy and with one huge flash she saw signs of her older sister. The vision was blurry, but Nina could see her. Andri was in an alley two blocks down surrounded by Nightshades. Nina quickly got up, she took Jo by the hand and start running toward the alley she saw in her vision.

“This way!” she said pulling on her sister to follow. Jo started running behind her younger sibling. Loud growls were heard behind them as more feral vampires gathered to chase them.

Andri was at the end of the alley, behind her a tall steel fence, in front of her; two Nightshades growling and hissing ready to pounce on their prey at any given second. She tried to use her powers but the previous attack by the vampire hurt her badly and she couldn’t concentrate enough to get her energy going.

As they were about to take advantage of the situation and attack, the two vampires burst in fire, right in front of Andri’s eyes. The beasts burned into aches in an agonizing moan as Jo and Nina ran to their sister.

“Are you alright?” Nina asked panting. Andri nodded before hugging her siblings, the little reunion was soon interrupted by more growls behind them. The three women were now blocked in the small alley, surrounded by 6 more Nightshades.

“Girls, I can’t use my magic!” Andri informed her sisters. Jo and Nina stepped forward to shield their kin from the menacing vampires in front of them. Jo remembered the last time she fought one of those in the past.

She recalls all the blood that was shed that day. She remembered how young she was, maybe 11-12 years old. She remembered; The whimpers of fellow witches agonizing on the floor as their blood was being drawn out of their bodies. The screeching sound of every Nightshades being slaughtered.

She was quickly brought back to reality when one of them didn’t hesitate to jump on her. The young women were trying her best to push away the beast hovering her body. Her muscles were flexing and trembling as the creature was putting all its weight on her poor arms. It snarled like a rabid dog a few inches only from her face.

“Nina!” she let out through gritted teeth, hoping her younger sister would help. But it’s only when she turned her gaze that she noticed Nina was already fighting two Nightshades. She cursed to herself.

Her muscles were about to give up, when suddenly the creature got pulled away from her. It took her a few seconds to realize what happened, but when she finally got up, she saw four men fighting the Nightshades. One of them, tall, black hair slicked back, perfect jawline, pale blue eyes, turned to Jo

“Stay back” he shouts with a stern voice. She didn’t try to argue and stepped back to protect Andri.

Nina wasn’t an expert at fists fighting but she could deal a good amount of damage while using her power of “Life link”. By linking her mind with the Nightshades, she was able to read them, and she was able to find their weakness more easily.

She has been able to stun one on the ground as another one stepped in front of her, punching her in the guts. The air got knocked out of her lungs. Nina dropped on one knee as she tries to catch her breath, at this instant, the feral who tried to jump on her got knocked down. The young woman lifted her eyes and saw the man from the bar, fighting the other creatures with a very skilled martial art.

The sisters retreated in the back of the alley as the four men were fighting the Nightshades away.

Soon, one of the creatures screeched signaling the others to retreat, which they did, leaving the sisters and the men alone in the small alley. The tall handsome one, walked to them.

“Are you girls alright?” he asked grabbing Jo by the neck and inspecting it carefully.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! Paws down pretty boy!” Jo let out pushing him away from her.

“Seonghwa, my friend. Don’t be rude!” the voice was calm, eerie. It almost sounded like a melody to the sister’s ears. Another man walked towards them. Smaller than Seonghwa but just as beautiful. Deep brown eyes, silver hair, he was wearing an all-black Victorian Jacket with a dark blue embroidered vest and a black shirt. His fingers were decorated with many rings, and only the pinky of his left hand was painted in black nail polish.

The man stopped in front of the three women and politely bow,

“Please, excuse my friend. He didn’t mean to be rude. He is just…foreseeing” he said. “I am Hongjoong. Leader of this group.” He continued, bringing a hand to his heart as he bows again. “This handsome one is Seonghwa. There’s San” he said pointing at the man who help Nina “And that’s Jongho” he pointed at another man, roughly the same high. More muscular, short dark hair, cute features. He turned back to the sisters

“We are The Ateez family!” he said smiling “If I’m not mistaken, your girls are Moonlight sisters, right?”

Jo considered the man in front of her then those behind him.

“Yes, we are. And I’ve heard of your family.” She walked a few steps back shielding her younger sisters “You guys are vampires”.

Hongjoong chuckled “Indeed we are. Please come with us, your sister needs some medical attention and we need to talk about some serious issues”

Jo was about to protest but Andri winced in pain, she looked up at her older sister:

“Please Jo, let’s go with them.”

Jo’s stare went from Andri to Hongjoong and back. She nodded:

“Alright, we’ll go with you!”

The leader gave a small signal to the boys behind him and quickly Seonghwa wrapped his arms around Jo’s waist, San did the same with Nina and Jongho took Andri in his arms. Before the sisters could understand what was happening, they vanished from the alley.

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Stay tune for more chapters!!!

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#ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #hongjoong #seonghwa #san #jongho

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mintea-in-space · 5 years

Text

Tar in His Veins Part 1 of ?

Just as a warning, this fic will deal with suicide. I’m just gonna put it right up front. I don’t want anyone getting hurt. There isn’t anything in this chapter, post, thing, but it will be prominent in this fic.

Lydia Deetz stood on the sidewalk. It had been a year, an entire year, since the events she fondly called the Juicening. And life was good! She had started school, and made friends just as strange as she was. Her grades were high, and she loved her teachers. There were a few boring classes, but there always are. And she loved her family. Her ghost mom and dad, her step mom, and her dad. They were happy. She was happy. And although she still wore black, her heart was lighter. And so she stood, face turned to the sun, and smiled.

And then she thought about him.

She’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss him. He was sporadic, funny, and listened to her when no one else would. It would be a complete lie if she said she never thought about summoning him.

But....

He had said he was going on a journey.

What was it he called it? A spirit quest?

To find his dad. Frowning Lydia recalled that moment, remembering that even as he said the words, she knew he didn’t believe them. That he just needed an excuse to leave. Because why would he want to stay?

Maybe he wanted to make an entrance, he did love his theatrics. Or maybe he was busy! Surely if he wanted to come back he would have already, right? He was probably living it up in the netherworld, fucking with people and making crude comments and-

And sickening thwap broke through her thoughts.

The sound of a wet body hitting the sidewalk.

Lydia froze.

It was broad daylight in butt fuck Connecticut.

These things didn’t just happen. In fact, they never happened. And Lydia kept telling herself this, telling herself she imagined it, knowing that she hadn’t, even before she turned around.

And then she screamed.

The first thing Lydia noticed was his hair.

Shock white.

Deadly white

And the sickening streaks of yellow. She had never seen white before but she knew what that yellow meant.

Self-loathing.

The second thing she noticed was the black.

She told herself it looked like muck, or tar, knowing that it wasn’t.

Knowing that it was blood.

Lydia feel to her knees. Choking back a sob, she flipped her bffff forever on his back.

His eyes were open, thank whatever god was up there, but they were vacant. Staring at nothing. And more black. It dropped down his chin, covered his chest. The once striped jacket now the color of tar.

“Beej come on,” she shook him gently. “Come on say something please. Beej! BEEJ!!”

Hands clutching his collar, she cried.

“Please say something. Anything.”

Nothing.

Shaking, she pulled his head onto her lap, cradling it. She yanked her phone out of her pocket. And called the one number she knew could help her.

“Lydia!” Delia’s cheery voice broke through the phone.

“How are you hun? You’re heading home now right? Did you want me to pick y-“

A strangled sob burst from the girl’s throat.

“Mom.”

All movement on the other side of the phone stopped.

“Lydia.” It was said with barely contained panic.

“What’s wrong?”

“I- I”

And the flood gates broke.

“Mom there’s black! It’s everywhere and I can’t stop it and he won’t talk to me Mom it’s everywhere he’s gonna die and it’s everywhere and I can’t get him to say anything and I can’t move him by myself and he’s gonna die!”

“Lydia. Where are you?”

Lydia scrubbed at her eyes, and looked at the street sign.

“Off blackberry and hazel.”

“Listen to me. Don’t move. I’ll be there in two minutes.”

Delia’s car screeched to a stop next to the side walk. Practically flinging herself out of the car, she fell to her knees and grabbed her step daughter’s shoulders. She looked horrible. There was black covering her hands, and her lap, and a streak of it across her cheek.

She didn’t even see him at first, too focused on my daughter to even look for him. But when she noticed that Lydia was fine, she frantically searched the side walk. Finally, he shimmered into view like a mirage and

“HOLY SHIT!”

She didn’t remember much about the demon that terrorized her and her family, but she knew that this was bad. The black blood seemed to just, keep coming. Even as it pooled around him and Lydia. And his hair.

Wasn’t it red before? Or green?

A strangled sound forcing its way out of Lydia’s mouth made her snap her eyes back to her daughter’s face.

“Mom. I can’t move him. I can’t do it my self I-“

“Shhh.”

Delia stood, and pulled a blanket from the trunk of her car.

“Help me get this under him, and then we can lift together all right?”

Lydia nodded.

Delia thought her heart was about to explode. As calm as she was on the outside, she was absolutely panicking on the inside. Her ears were ringing, and she barely registered Lydia rolling him onto the blanket. The two girls hoisted the demon into the back seat of the car, and Lydia crawled in after him. Placing his head on her lap, she began running her fingers through his hair. Muttering. Whispering words that Delia couldn’t hear.

Climbing back behind the wheel, Delia Deetz proceeded to break just about every traffic law known to man.

The Maitlands were simply sitting in the attic, enjoying the peaceful day and each other’s company. Adam had begun making a model of the town, and he and Barb were softly talking about the dimensions of the hardware store.

All was calm.

Until the sound of screeching tires and the front door slamming open abruptly silenced them both.

“ADAM BABARA WE’RE GONNA NEED YOUR HELP IN A MINUTE!”

Delia’s voice screamed through the house, panic in her voice evident.

The two ghosts looked at each other, fear dawning on their faces, and raced down the stairs to the living room.

Adam yelped. Barbara let out a strangled gasp and grabbed her husband’s arm.

Beetlejuice was laid out on their couch.

And he didn’t look good.

Lydia still had his head in her lap, stroking his hair and quietly sobbing. Delia was flitting through the house, and when she passed by they could hear her muttering to herself, grabbing crystals and bottles. Barbara moving first, taking Adam with her.

“Lydia, sweetheart. What happened?”

“He just fell,” she croaked. “Right on the sidewalk. Ghost mom he’s not answering me and he’s bleeding and I can’t make him stop and-“

The ghost wrapped her arms around the girl.

“Whatever this is, we’re going to figure out. I’m sure that Delia has a book, or something that can help. Or maybe you do? We’ll find it if we have one, Lydia he’s going to be okay.”

The goth shook her head.

“He’s not though! He’s not.. he’s going to be really dead and it’ll be my fault again and-“

This time Adam moved, gently cradling her face in his hands.

“Lydia. Listen to me. He will be okay. We are going to help him. I swear. He’s going to be okay.”

He was trying to convince himself as much as he was Lydia.

Beetlejuice never looked so...

Dead.

His face was pale, and those eyes that always glittered with mischief were dull. Even his hair looked bland. Faded almost. The hands that would twitch with excitement. The mouth that always had a toothy grin.

It was all gone.

The demon couldn’t have been more still.

It was so... not Beetlejuice.

“OKAY!”

Delia burst back into the room, a book in one hand and a bowl of crystals and vials in the other.

“Okay! I’m going to try a healing spell. I don’t know if it will work, this is human stuff for humans and it might not work for demons and-“

Barb put a steady hand on the frazzled woman’s shoulder.

“Right. Okay. This is the best I can do. First, he needs a little first aid.”

If the mood had been lighter, Lydia would have rolled her eyes. As it was, however, she snapped to attention.

“Lydia, I need you to get his jacket off and press it to the wound.” Adam leaned over and helped the teen, carefully maneuvering him out of the jacket.

“Okay. Okay. Uh, Barbara, I need you to place these quartz’s in a circle around the couch, and then you and Adam need to stand back please.”

Barbara did as was asked, then gently pulled Adam with her out of the circle.

Delia took one of the vials, and made a circle, connecting each of the stones Barbara had placed.

And now for the hard part.

“Lydia,” she began to worry her bottom lip.

“Lydia I need you to come out of the circle.”

At that the teen snapped her head to glare at her step mom.

“I’m not. Leaving him.”

It was said through gritted teeth, rage and fear simmering under the surface.

“Lydia, have you properly summoned him yet?”

She blanched.

“No, I, I didn’t think of it.”

Delia sighed.

“Then I need you out of the circle. I need to bring him into the world of the living, I think, in order for this to work. And I don’t know if he’ll be in control, or what will happen.”

Lydia stares back at the demon in her lap, then let out a shaky breath.

“Only if you let me say it.”

With a nod from Delia, she gently placed his head on the couch, and stood.

As she brushed past Delia, she muttered,

“I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Me too honey. Me too.

“Lydia, you can say his name now.”

The name tumbled out of her so fast it was almost a blur.

“BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE!!”

And hell broke loose.

#mintea writes #fanfic #beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #sorry not sorry #this has been in my head for too long #so uh #yeah #tw blood #definitely #not beetlebabes #tihv

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artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

nobody knows where we might end up, chapter nine (branjie) - holtzmanns

(read on ao3) | (tumblr) | word count: 4417

AN: Thank you for all the wonderful feedback on the last chapter! I appreciate it so, so, much, comments make my heart incredibly full. Thank you writ for being a wonderful beta as always <3

(then)

“Gonna miss you.” Vanessa’s voice is soft from where her head is resting on Brooke’s lap, and it makes Brooke absolutely melt.

“I’m gonna miss you too, Ness.” Brooke runs her fingers through Vanessa’s hair, an action that makes Vanessa snuggle into her and let out a contented sigh. She wishes that she didn’t have to let her go.

“Just a long weekend, though. Then you’ll be back.” Vanessa beams up at her. “I’m excited for it already.”

Brooke can’t help but grin back, because Vanessa’s smile remains the cutest thing in the world to her. “You sap. Me neither. My cousin’s wedding will be over and done with before we know it.”

“Send me hot pictures of you in your fancy dress for the wedding.”

Brooke wrinkles her nose. “Are you kidding? My mom’s probably picked something out already that’ll be appropriate for a church wedding. It’s not going to be hot in the least.”

“You’re always hot to me. Even in your little church dress.” Vanessa wiggles her eyebrows at her and Brooke can’t help but poke her shoulder.

“Shut up.”

Vanessa sticks her tongue out at her. “Make me.”

“Have you forgotten I know exactly where you’re ticklish?” Vanessa’s off of Brooke’s lap the second that the words leave her lips.

“Don’t you even think about it!” Vanessa shrieks and moves to Detox’s side of the room, flopping onto her bed.

Brooke rolls off of her bed too, wrapping Vanessa in a hug instead. “I won’t use my powers for evil for now, at least.”

Vanessa pouts up at her from her position. “I still can’t believe you don’t get ticklish.”

“My superpower.” Brooke grins, though it quickly turns into a frown when her alarm clock goes. “Shit. That was the alarm I set to catch my bus.”

Vanessa’s arms tighten around her waist. “Don’t leave.”

“I wish you could come with me, somehow.” Brooke sighs, hugging Vanessa tighter too. Vanessa’s so good at calming her down by just being in her presence, making her feel like things are going to always be okay.

“Me too. Shut that damn beeping off, though.” Vanessa’s voice is muffled into her sweater, face buried in the hug, and Brooke snorts. She lets go, tugs Vanessa along so she can turn off the alarm on her bedside table.

“I gotta go.”

Vanessa stretches on her tiptoes, kisses her. “Don’t miss me too much.”

Brooke snorts. “Please. You’ll miss me more.” Though she can’t deny that she will, even if it’s just for four days. God, they’re already too codependent on each other. Brooke would consider it a problem if she didn’t enjoy it so much.

The bus ride is simultaneously too long and not long enough, knowing that the destination is just bringing her closer to the weekend. Brooke wishes she could just fast forward to Monday, when she’s going to be back at uni and back in her dorm. With Vanessa, with the rest of their friends.

She stumbles off of the bus with suitcase in tow, intent on walking the rest of the way home. She hadn’t wanted to ask anyone from her family to pick her up - it would just have been an awkward car ride, anyway. She’s going to get enough uncomfortable family moments this weekend as it is.

The front door opens when she reaches the entrance, making her raised hand fall down on its own before she can even knock.

“Mom?”

“You’re late. Come set the table, it’s almost dinner.” Her mom snaps the words at her, turning on her heel.

Welcome home, indeed.

The four pale pink walls of Brooke’s childhood bedroom had once acted as her getaway. She would lie on her bed as a kid, her mind dreaming up different scenarios of being a famous ballerina, a knight with a pet dragon, an astronaut. Somewhere where she was powerful, in control of everything around her and also loved. She’d always have her happy ending, get to kiss the princess before her young brain even knew it was considered wrong by some.

The walls are suffocating her now, two days into her stay. The room is a memory of the way she’d try to cry as softly as she could as a kid, trying not to make any noise into her pillow. The way she’d pop painkillers to numb the ache in her muscles from overuse, ballet wearing down her body too fast for someone who hadn’t been fully grown. The way she’d squeeze her eyes shut tight, ignoring the arguments that she could still hear no matter how hard she tried to block them with her dreams of prettier stories than her own.

Being back here feels like the walls are pushing down on her, closing her up in a box that had succeeded in containing her for eighteen years. Except now she’s had a taste of life outside of the box, and she never ever wants to come back.

Her Blackberry beeps and she picks it up from its spot on her pillow, and can’t help but smile when she sees that it’s a text from Vanessa. She can almost imagine the other girl lying on her bed, pink Motorola RAZR phone in both hands as she types faster than Brooke ever could.

VM: my mom got the pics from Christmas developed!!!!

VM: look at my wack ass fam

The picture is absolutely chaotic, everyone in the group smiling, laughing, or, in Vanessa’s case, yelling at the person taking the photo. They’re all in colourful ugly Christmas sweaters, some with Santa hats, some with reindeer ears.

VM: my mami’s the one wearing the fake Santa beard LOL

BLH: Oh my god. You look just like her.

The woman beside Vanessa in the photo really does look like an adult Vanessa, though with hair that is a few shades lighter. She has an arm around Vanessa who looks tiny beside her, their oversized sweaters nearly taking them over.

BLH: Who else is who?

VM: well, there’s julio, my brother, he’s the one wearing the dumbass elf hat. my abuela, then my tía rosa, her husband enrique, my tío pablo and his husband luis, my tía carmen, my cousins maria and isaac and isabella and daniela and alex. and riley my pup!!!

BLH: Your family is huge, omg.

VM: not even all of them. these are just the ones who could make it to christmas dinner

The photo makes Vanessa’s house look so fun, so welcome, so opening and inviting. Brooke zooms in on the photo, looks at their individual faces that look like they’re having a blast.

BLH: Wait, did you say your uncle and his husband?

VM: yeah they’re married!! caused a big drama when tío pablo brought him home the first time but now everyone loves him and their wedding was the best. and my mami wasn’t as mad when i came out to her lol

BLH: you’re out to her?

VM: yeah!!! a couple years ago i came out she cried for two days then got over it lol

Wow. Brooke’s wondering why they’ve never had this conversation before. Brooke knows that Vanessa senses her discomfort around talking about her own family, and tactfully doesn’t ask her much. Vanessa always talks about her own, though, recounting her constant bickering with her brother and her mom’s trash talking at the wheel.

BLH: Wow. That’s great, though.

VM: ya, she still wants grandkids tho

VM: says riley doesn’t count >:(

BLH: LOL. He is the biggest furriest baby there is.

Brooke pets Henry absentmindedly, burying her fingers into his soft fur as he purrs. He’s curled up on the pillow beside her, Apollo resting on her desk chair. Henry and Apollo are the two things that she doesn’t mind about visiting home. She opens the picture from Vanessa again, looking at all of the happy and smiling faces. Looks at her married uncles. It’s a contrast from the family portraits that line the walls in Brooke’s house, ones of her and her parents sitting stone faced, looking poised. Nothing short of practiced and perfect, matching their vibes during the holidays. Quiet, tense dinners, a cloak for the screaming arguments in the late evenings that her parents would get into after having too much to drink and needing to release their pent up resentment towards each other, only to go back to clipped tones the next day, as if nothing had happened.

The longing in her chest is tangible, a woven rope that makes her want to jump into the picture and have a family like Vanessa’s, one so big and full of life.

Brooke looks at the way that Vanessa’s grandmother’s arm is wrapped around her uncle’s waist and hugging her son close, and the way that Vanessa is curled into her mom’s side. Brooke wonders if Vanessa has mentioned her to her mom, talked about them at Christmas break. If Vanessa used to mention her past girlfriends, giggle about her dates with her mom.

Would her parents be the same way, if she came out to them, equally supportive and loving? Does she have to? Is she fake if she doesn’t?

She doesn’t want to. Facing their inevitable disappointed expressions, echoing the homilies they’ve heard at Mass about how being gay is wrong, how it means you’re a sinner. How you can’t go to heaven and thus can’t be a good person, if you’re gay.

Do her parents believe that? Would her parents hate her?

How could they, though? Would they hate Vanessa too, someone so sweet and funny and smart and utterly wonderful, just because of preconceptions that they have about her?

She wants a family like Vanessa’s, wants it so, so bad. Wants a house that is loud and full of laughter and ugly Christmas sweaters and one where she can bring her girlfriend home to. One where she’d be able to talk to her mom about anything and everything, where her mom would give her advice and actually give her the time of day.

Brooke’s fine on her own, in her room. She is. She just wants more. Wishes that she had it more than anything in the world.

(now)

“Vanessa. Please.”

Brooke bangs her fist on the door one, two, three times, the door an unmoving barrier that won’t budge as she ignores the patients, nurses, doctors, and technicians that pass by in the hall, because nothing else matters right now. She needs to talk and explain things, find out what made Vanessa push her away and look at her with an expression of horror and confusion alike, because she doesn’t know. It’s replaying in her brain a million times over, chipping away at her insides and she can feel her foundations start to crack, on the route to crumbling if she doesn’t find out.

Maybe it was the nickname.

Who was Brooke to even call her ‘Nessa’? A pet name that’s so laden with softness and memories of them from when they were so much younger. Of course Vanessa hadn’t wanted to hear it, they’re different now and they don’t do this and they’ve both moved on. They’re adults, two adults having sex. Nothing more.

She’s so stupid. She’s slipped up and ruined everything.

“Please, just talk to me.” Brooke never begs, she doesn’t. But right now she can’t help it as the words leave her lips sounding desperate and broken, ruining any illusion she’s ever wanted to portray of having her shit together. Any semblance of a carefully constructed persona that she carries around with her around the hospital is melting away, because all she can think of is Vanessa on the other side of the door.

The door doesn’t open.

Maybe it had been the way she’d pulled Vanessa in for a kiss after the consultation meeting. Maybe Vanessa had wanted to tell her that they were done, that she wanted to end whatever she fuck they were doing. And then Brooke had gone and kissed her, made everything worse. Made Vanessa firm in her decision.

She’s a fucking idiot.

Vanessa could probably sense it, all of it. The way that Brooke still fucking feels it, wants more than just sex no matter how much she tries to convince herself that she doesn’t. She hates it.

Brooke’s tried, the last few days. Attempted to hide her disappointment when Vanessa had to cancel meetings with her when the cardiac units got busy. Held her face back from displaying too much when Yvie had asked her about Vanessa and how they hadn’t seemed to be fighting for the first time in awhile. Brooke’s tried to forget the feeling of Vanessa’s face buried in the crook of her neck, arms gripping onto her like she’s a precious metal, because she’s not Brooke’s to cherish.

This is why she never does these…things. Doesn’t date anymore, stays far away from anyone that could make her feel more than she should. She doesn’t need it, doesn’t need the connection that feels so good, so right in the moment before shattering her into pieces when it ends. It ruins everything.

And now here she is, hung up over an ex from more than a decade ago, someone who’s been happily over it for just as long, leaving Brooke a fucking mess and banging on a door that she knows won’t open.

Stupid.

Brooke watches as her own fist drops from the door, slides down the smooth surface until it’s resting at her side. The telltale numbness that is activated by her brain when she’s feeling too much begins to spread over her heart, her soul. It glazes over the shame, the embarrassment, the rejection, the longing for someone who she shouldn’t be hung up over in the first place. The grey cloud is enough to numb everything, leaving a bulletproof blank slate that is impossible to get through from the outside.

She doesn’t need anything, or anyone. She’s learned that enough.

And so she turns on her heel, and she leaves.

Brooke does the only thing that she knows how to do when she needs to drown out her thoughts, shut her brain off to avoid the feelings that she doesn’t want to feel - she turns to her work. She takes on more patient referrals than she usually would, filling up her schedule with procedures that require her full attention for hours upon hours.

The work is methodical, routines that she’s followed a thousand times in her career. Cuts from her scalpel, the buzz of the bone saw, beeps sounding throughout the OR as she directs her team, working together like a miniature ecosystem. Patients that survive, others on the brink of death who pull back because Brooke refuses to sit down until they’re stable.

Other patients that die on the table and take a piece of Brooke with them when they go.

If her team notices any changes, they say nothing. She doesn’t care, she’s not here for them.

She’s here for work.

The interns piss her off more than usual, making stupid mistakes that are reflective of any medical student, but right now they’re so careless and messing with Brooke’s work, and so what if she yells at them more than she normally does? It makes her feel better afterwards.

It doesn’t stop her from escaping Nina’s scrutinizing gaze, though, her best friend looking equal parts done and worried as they sit in her office at the end of the day.

“I’ve had three interns email me today about how they can’t work in, and I quote, ‘unsafe work practices’.” Nina looks as if she’s staving off approximately three headaches at once, and Brooke would feel bad if they interns didn’t deserve it.

Brooke takes a sip of the wine that Nina’s poured for her. “Not my fault that they can’t handle the rigorous workload of being on the neuro units.” If they want to work with the best, they need to be the best.

She doesn’t need to put up with interns that forget simple suture techniques, or ones that don’t come prepared with answers to the questions that Brooke throws at them. How else are they going to become surgeons?

“Except this is new, Brooke, and you know it. You’re normally a bitch, but a fair one, which is how you’re good with the interns most of the time. But from what they’ve told me now, it sounds like you’re just being plain mean to them.” Nina tugs her glasses off, puts them on the desk before rubbing her temples.

Brooke shrugs. “They shouldn’t be in surgery if they can’t handle it.”

“No, you’re taking your frustrations out on them. Which I get, but also you’re going to scare all of them away, and the teaching component of this hospital is incredibly vital, and so we need to keep all of these baby doctors without you making them run with their tails between their legs before they can even reach residency.”

Brooke crosses her arms. “They’re shit baby doctors.”

“That’s a lie, and you know it.” Nina looks up at her, really looks up at her, and it makes Brooke shrink in her seat. Nina’s the only one in the hospital who can actually make her do so. “What on earth is up with you?”

Brooke shrugs. “It doesn’t matter.” It doesn’t, she’s dealing. She’s not going to let Vanessa affect her.

Nina sighs. “Brooke…”

“Anyway.” Brooke leans forward in her seat, rests her elbows on Nina’s desk. Ignores Nina’s pointed look at her. “You still haven’t told me about the date with Ryan you had last week. You promised me the details.”

It’s a distraction tactic, a flimsy one at best, but it does the job, Nina’s face lighting up at the mention of her new boyfriend. “Well, he said to dress fancy, but not too fancy, right?”

Brooke nods as she listens to Nina’s excited rambling, the woman at times as easy to redirect as a four year old. The subject is much more palatable than her own fucked up love life - not that she even has one.

The shot of tequila creates a smooth burn down the back of Brooke’s throat, the subsequent salt and lime not enough to drown out the overbearing noise that is forever present at Ralph’s. Brooke gestures to the bartender for another shot as Yvie, Scarlet and other members of the neurosurgery team toast to Plastique.

“Happy birthday, bitch!” Yvie yells the words as she slams down her empty shot glass. “May this be the year that you’re finally not carded.”

“That’ll probably be never. Everyone thinks I’m twelve years old anyway.” Plastique sighs. “Last week an attending asked me if I needed help finding my family - he thought I was a patient’s kid or something.”

Brooke can’t help the laugh that bubbles in her throat, something that Plastique immediately catches. “Don’t you start.”

Brooke has to cover her mouth. “Sorry, it’s just hilarious. We have a tween on the neuro team.” She cant help but fully crack up after making eye contact with Yvie.

Plastique pouts. “That’s Dr. Edwards to you. I’m a resident, damn it.”

“A twelve year old resident? Child prodigies are truly so impressive.” Yvie grins, patting Plastique’s arm.

“You’re all the worst. The absolute worst.”

“And yet,” Yvie shrugs, “you love us.”

Plastique grins. “Can’t deny that. Even if you all are pretty much considered elderly at this point.”

“Careful, or I’m gonna run you over with my walker.” Yvie pokes Plastique’s side, which makes her yelp and poke Yvie right back.

Brooke snorts. She loves her team, or at least, parts of it. She didn’t want to come out tonight, before being dragged out of her apartment by Yvie and Scarlet (a running theme recently, the two of them refusing to let her rest for even five seconds), but now she’s not so upset that she has.

Plastique, the newest member of neurosurgery who had started as a resident only a few months ago, already fits in well with the group. Brooke’s glad that she has friends that are at her level - or rather, close to her level, since she does outrank them all as the head of neurosurgery. Ones who she can discuss difficult cases and current research with, topics that someone who doesn’t work in a hospital would be utterly confused about. It reminds her of undergrad, when her and Vanessa would-

No. Not happening. She’s not thinking about that.

The bartender slides over the other shot that she’s ordered, and Brooke downs it without so much as a wince. The tequila and lime and salt are tangible, existing sensations that help to draw her out of her head, from the clutches of memories and regrets that never seem to leave her alone anymore.

“Slow down, B.” Yvie tilts her head, brow furrowed. “We got here like, ten minutes ago.”

Brooke shrugs. “Getting a head start, that’s all.” She’s gonna need all the alcohol that she can get on her first night out in awhile.

She’s been coming in early, staying late, overworking herself to shut off her mind, though it hasn’t been working as well as she wants it to. Vanessa’s smile. Vanessa’s moans underneath her. The furrow in Vanessa’s brow ever present in their past meetings. The way Vanessa had pushed her away the last time in the conference room. The way Vanessa hadn’t opened the door, effectively letting her know that she wasn’t interested. Wanted it to end.

Brooke gets it, really does. Though her heart fucking doesn’t, replaying the moment over and over again since it happened, the knife in her heart twisting more and more every time.

She needs to get a grip.

The alcohol flowing in her system is no help, making the conversations that are happening around her louder, the lights brighter, sensations that are exacerbating the very thoughts that she wants to drown out.

Scarlet pulls out a cupcake, because, being Scarlet, she had picked one up earlier for Plastique’s birthday. Plastique squeals (‘you got double chocolate!’) , pulling Scarlet into a hug. Brooke lets out a surprised yelp when she tugs the rest of them in, too, nearly falling off of her stool.

She peeks over Yvie’s shoulder while still in the hug before her heart drops in her chest, and she wants to close her eyes so that she doesn’t have to register who has just sit down at the other end of the bar.

Vanessa.

It seems that Brooke can’t come to Ralph’s without seeing her anymore.

Brooke can’t tear her eyes away, unable to pull her gaze from the other surgeon in a tan jumpsuit and with waves cascading down her back. She’s laughing, making enough noise with the cardiothoracic surgeons that Brooke has to wonder how she didn’t spot her as soon as she had walked in.

Vanessa flags down the bartender, batting her eyelids and tilting her head and from the way that the female bartender leans on the counter, flirts back, Brooke knows that it’s going to be on the house.

The knife in her chest twists a little bit more, hitting a few more veins, making a few more cuts. Not that it matters.

Brooke is a sucker for punishment, a real lover of making herself feel like shit because she can’t help the way that her eyes drag back towards Vanessa every couple minutes. She looks so carefree and happy, joking around with the other cardiac doctors and does she have her arm around the waist of one of them?

Vanessa’s so good at making herself at home, no matter the situation that she’s in. She’d been the same way back when they were in school, and Brooke can see that nothing’s changed. She’s like a flame burning bright, drawing everyone in towards her like moths that are mesmerized by her light. Her smiles light up her entire face, and Brooke has to ignore the incessant pangs in her stomach reminding her that she’s not the one who is causing them.

Vanessa’s fine. Vanessa gets through things, Brooke can see that. She can emerge unscathed and continue to shine, continue to climb up, up, up. She’s not haunted by regrets or things from her past. She knows when to cut off thorns that wrap around her limbs and try to bring her down. Ones like Brooke.

Brooke gets it. Maybe she deserves it. Because Vanessa clearly knows what she wants, and knows that she deserves better. Someone more than Brooke, who can give her love and light and not dysfunction and vicious cycles that only seem to end in destruction.

Brooke can’t hold Vanessa back anymore. Maybe she’s not meant for it, for anything that can crack her heart open. She had been doing so well, keeping things casual with a few women. No strings attached, no possibility of feelings being developed if she never learned their full names or anything about them. No attachments had meant no chance of those attachments being ripped from her.

Maybe that’s what she should go back to. Maybe it’s the only thing that she deserves now.

There’s no angel whispering in Brooke’s ear to stop her from going to chat up a girl (a nurse? a unit clerk?) towards the end of the night a few hours later, one whom she’s fucked before and is always willing for some time in the on call room. Perhaps there’s a little tug in her chest whispering that this girl isn’t Vanessa, won’t ever live up to Vanessa, but she ignores it. Because Vanessa isn’t hers, never will be hers, not anymore. Not for the last eleven years.

Maybe some quick fucks are all that Brooke is going to get now. She used to be happy with it, encouraged it even, before Vanessa walked into the hospital on her first day and disrupted her carefully crafted life and left her to salvage the broken pieces.

And salvage she will. Brooke can go back to it, because it’s what worked, it’s what she deserves. She doesn’t have Vanessa anymore.

Brooke doesn’t look up as she leaves to see if Vanessa notices her walk by, her hand on the girl’s back guiding her outside to a waiting Uber. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t. She can go back to her routine, back to not caring, not getting invested. Vanessa isn’t her problem anymore.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #lesbian au #hospital au #holtzmanns #nobody knows where we might end up

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toomanysurveys9 · 6 years

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Who did you last have over your house, why were they there?

i didn’t have her over, but the last person to come here that doesn’t already live here was my aunt mary.. she was picking up my grandparents to go get lunch, and then she also dropped off a housewarming present for jacob and me... it was a nice welcome mat because the one we had was already ripping up..

What was the last thing to piss you off?

jacob last night. i have literally told people how i was planning on people getting to meet eliana since at least halfway through my pregnancy and he waited three days before i was due to originally start this fight, and again yesterday on my due date, which was six days before induction. i’m so excited to meet ellie, but i really am dreading the probable fight jacob and i will get in, right after i give birth to our daughter. but as i’ve said, i feel strongly that since his family got to hold wy first last time and my parents were shoved to the side, it’s only fair they get to hold ellie first. especially since my mom has been my biggest support and i know she will be when i am in labor and giving birth too.

Recently, who in your house has gotten on your nerves the most?

jacob. that’s probably pretty obvious. lol.

What all has pissed you off today, if anything at all?

nothing has pissed me off so far today. thankfully.

Out of all of your friends who have you gotten in the worst fight with?

jacob, even though we’re way more than friends.

Who was the last person to have to deal with you having an attitude?

jacob. ha.

If you had $100 dollars, how would you spend it?

probably on wy, ellie, phe, and cocoa.

What’s something you would love to have happen right now?

go into labor. lol.

You were given the opportunity to get a new cellular device, what do you choose?

i don’t want, or need, a new phone. i just have to get the screen fixed at some point.

Which of your classes in school is most capable of killing a good mood for you?

i hated all math classes.

How nice of a person are you, honestly?

i think i am pretty nice. the only time that changes is when people decide to keep pushing me and i eventually break.

What good things have happened today?

baby cuddles. and we are going to get yummy food soon!

Is there anyone of your preferred sex who tends to mess with your head?

jacob does i guess a little sometimes.

What have you recently gotten the most compliments on?

baby bump. ha.

Do you and your best friend(s) act the same, or are very different from each other?

we are pretty different.

Is there something you should be doing right now, besides this survey?

i should brush my hair but whatever.

What would your last name be if you were married to the last person that texted you?

last person to text me was my brother, so no thanks. ha.

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?

yeah. in the shower.

Ever physically fought with member of the opposite sex?

just playing around.

Ever walked in on your friends having sex?

no. thank god.

Ever kissed a friend’s crush?

i have not.

How was your day overall?

i mean. not much to say so far. but i’m hoping for a good day.

Has anyone ever called cops on you?

no. never had reason to.

Do you swallow gum when you’re finished?

no. i would never intentionally swallow gum. that’s gross.

Ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?

yeah.

Is there anyone that doesn’t like you?

ha. yeah. jacob’s sister, and everyone on his dad’s side.

Does your Facebook password have to do with a person?

nope.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?

i honestly don’t remember.

What’s your current problem?

nothing i want to talk about. ha.

If something was wrong who is the first girl you would go to?

either kayla or my mom. depending what it is. or i would just keep it to myself.

Can you play pool?

not well, no.

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?

coffee these days. not that i really drink coffee either.

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

not even close.

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn’t around now?

there are a lot of people like that.

Do you blush easily?

i do. and it’s horrible. people always give me shit about it.

Do you fall asleep while texting someone often?

no because i never have people to text. lol.

Do you like the last person you kissed?

most days.

How many piercings do you have?

i know the first piercings on my ear lobes are still open. that’s probably it.

Do you usually say sorry first?

yup. i do.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?

many times. but i usually end up too hot and move.

Are your nails painted right now?

they’re pretty much never painted.

Do you pick out your outfits in advance?

nope. i just grab clothes and go most of the time. only time i plan it out is if there is some special thing going on.

Did you check how many calories the last thing you ate had?

nope.

What do you dislike about your smile?

gums.

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?

sometimes. but i find the same sex confusing sometimes too.

Would you rather your partner have gorgeous eyes or a gorgeous smile?

both. but i’m more drawn to gorgeous eyes i guess.

What do you think about hair extensions?

i wouldn’t want them, but that is just me.

Can you sleep with the TV or any lights on?

no. i like darkness.

Have you ever kissed in the snow?

i mean. probably.

Have you ever liked a football player?

i was going to say no, but i’m pretty sure chris used to play football. that was YEARS ago. lol.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

no.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a B, R, L, K, C, or G?

nope. not romantically anyways. i’ve kissed family members with those initials.

Has the last person you kissed taken their shirt off in front of you?

yeah. many time.

Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

kind of.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?

i’m getting pretty good at it again, except when the pregnancy hormones get to me.

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attracted to?

i mean, probably. i’ve been attracted to him over ten years so far.

Do you have something in your room that you never want to get ruined?

well, yes.

What do you want the most right now?

dinner rolls from logan’s steakhouse. ha.

Is this week gonna be fun?

it’s probably going to be long since i’m going to the hospital to hopefully be induced on thursday morning.

BlackBerry or iPhone?

neither.

Who were the last two girls you texted?

i sent a group text to jade and jon, and then i texted kayla last night.

Do they mean anything to you?

yeah. jade is my brother’s girlfriend and she’s like a sister to me at this point, and kayla is kind of my best friend.

Do you remember the last boy you texted?

my brother. he was in the same group message as jade.

What did you do last night?

just hung out at home.

Look in your call log; who was your last missed call from?

doctor’s office. it was just an appointment reminder.

In the last six months, can you say you truly cared about someone?

of course.

Could you handle living together with the last person who texted you?

honestly. i’m not so sure anymore. lol. jon and i obviously lived together growing up, and that was pretty rocky. i think we get along better when we don’t live all together. and jade would probably drive me nuts when she acts like mom to my kids. love her though.

Ever been called babe/baby?

yup. not often anymore. but yup.

Have you ever made a difference in someone’s life?

i mean, i would like to think so but at the same time, i doubt it.

Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

i don’t really plan it.

Do you think you’ve changed much over the past year?

i think so, yeah.

Did you see your best friend today?

i mean. i guess since i’ve seen jacob. i will see kayla later today too.

If someone liked you, what would be the best way to let you know?

i mean, at this point it would be pointless. i’m married and i’m not interested in anyone else. even if i were single, after everything i’ve dealt with, i probably wouldn’t be interested in anyone else. not for a long time anyways.

What is the stupidest thing you have ever done?

probably self-injury.

Do you like someone?

i wouldn’t still be with him if i didn’t love him.

Would you rather be called hot, cute, or beautiful?

beautiful.. but i know i’m not.

Did you wake up before 8 AM this morning?

i did actually.

Do you wear eyeliner?

when i wear makeup, yes.

What’s something that’s bothering you?

erin is being whiny already and she’s going with us today, and that’s going to get annoying quick.

When was the last time you smiled?

just now because of the kids.

Do you think dances (prom, homecoming, etc.) are fun or lame?

i mean, the couple i went to, i had fun. but they’re also a little lame. haha. i think that’s part of the experience though. :p

Do you wear pants or skirts more often?

pants. i pretty much never wear skirts.

Are you online 24/7?

i am not. i have other things to do.

Does it bother you when people never answer their cell phones?

depends who it is and why i’m calling them.

Who was the last person you kissed?

jacob.

Are you wearing anything borrowed from a friend?

i am not.

Did anything exciting happen today?

nope. probably not.

What was the last non-alcoholic beverage you drank?

milk with my cereal.

Is your hair long enough to pull over your face like a mustache?

it is. i used to do that a lot as a kid. i thought it was hilarious. i was lame. still am i guess. lol.

Do you ever find yourself making up survey questions throughout the day?

i do not.

What was the last thing you tried for the first time?

i think some kind of shrimp, i don’t remember what kind. but i didn’t like it.

The last thing you said out loud: How loud were you speaking?

just my normal voice.

What was the last thing you learned?

i’m an idiot? ha.

Which holidays do you decorate your house for, if any?

none so far. but i want to decorate for halloween and christmas by next year! and this year we will at least have a tree to decorate!

How often do you visit your relatives?

rarely. and they rarely visit us too.

#survey #surveys #personal #question #questions #random

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prewars · 7 years

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heres that list of unsolicited fic recs that ive amassed over the past few years when i get certain itches to deep-dive ao3 and be disappointed, this isnt everything but these are ones over 5k, mostly over 10k, thanks for the unnecessary encouragement @sonnywortzik @becominganoven @donotloseme @dicktective

Crossed in the places that you never knew to get through by noelia_g (generation kill)

It's not the real beginning. Things have happened before that led to this, things thousands years in the making and things quite recent, like the wound still bleeding, dark blood seeping into the dirt. But it's a beginning nonetheless. Right here, right now, this happens.

Après moi le deluge by beyond_belief (gen kill)

He can pop Motrin for the pain but there's nothing to be done for his jagged nerves. Rudy suggests more yoga, his mom suggests meditation, Patrick suggests he get laid. The Corps suggests a promotion, and Nate finds himself a Captain. There's a small voice in the back of his head that says, This isn't what you want, and it's getting louder day by day.

Aftermath, USA by traveller (gen kill)

The morning of the assassination, Patti Jankowski got up, took a long shower and towel dried her hair before braiding it into two long ropes that hung over her shoulders. She put on jeans, a t-shirt that showed Mickey Mouse saluting the American Flag, a light tan windbreaker and her comfortable blue SAS sneakers. In her shoulder bag she put a Smith and Wesson .22 caliber revolver, and an umbrella. The forecast was for a 62% chance of rain.

Adrift by visiblemarket (constantine)

Time was, Chas would’ve offered John the bed to make sure he rested, then crammed himself atop the sagging, scratchy, ancient cushions instead. That time has clearly passed. John tries not to let it bother him, but he’s had a hard enough time sleeping lately, and as soft and warm as the blanket Chas tossed him the night before was, it hadn’t much helped. And so he awakens to birds chirping, sun streaming through big airy windows, and a colossal headache.

to know me as hardly golden is to know me all wrong by norgbelulah (justified)

The God’s honest truth of it was that he didn’t want to be whatever Boyd was, he didn’t want to be Boyd Crowder’s friend, and he didn’t want to follow him down into the darkness that was always waiting for them both. And he knew if he stayed, he would be all of those things and learn not to mind them.

I Have Always Lived in the Moment by scioscribe (justified)

Tim says that technically he was only mostly dead, and mostly dead is still slightly alive. The witty repartee would be more convincing if Tim could get some color back into his face. Raylan remembers an overwhelming whiteness. Art wants to know: Like the tunnel with the light at the end of it? No, Raylan says, blander than that, and icier, too. Like an afterlife manufactured by IKEA.

To Call the Darkness Home by scioscribe (justified)

After a time, even the nightmares stopped, and he started bitching like an ordinary person about the low pay and the roaches, exactly as if Lexington hadn’t been his longed-for salvation. But there must have been some uneasiness in him that he just hadn’t paid any mind, because every time he had left, he had gone farther and farther away, until he had threatened to run right off the coast into the Atlantic.

Where's Waldo? by swamplamp (better call saul)

Jesse Pinkman manifests on his doorstep like a wet dream that nobody asked for. It's 4 AM. "You're a sight for sore eyes," Saul remarks flatly, squinting out towards that semi-familiar face. Seeing Pinkman lets old feelings roll back in and isn't that a shame? Saul makes to shut the door and go back to a kinder slumber. But he stops. Saul feels a twinge of sympathy worming its way into his chest before he can start pulling the door closed. They stand there for a moment, steeped in caution and confusion.

By daybreak we'll be gone by storm_petrel (the losers)

Clay has a handful of life philosophies that he’s gained though years of extremely hard-won experience. Sleep when you can. Keep track of where you stash your boots and dog tags, because they don’t come with you. Trust the people who earn your trust. When in doubt, and in the absence of a proper machine gun, go for a sidearm with more than ten rounds in the magazine and minimum .38 calibre for decent stopping power. If still in doubt, shift out and go for the jugular.

In All the Tongues of Men and Angels by coinin (the losers)

Carlos Alvarez, first son after three daughters, was not supposed to join the Army. Carlos Alvarez was supposed to go to college, major in something useful like business or civil engineering, graduate with honors, marry a nice Catholic girl, and provide his parents with grandchildren while establishing himself in a respectable field of employment. Unfortunately for his parents, Carlos Alvarez was of the opinion that the suburban American ideal could go fuck itself.

the prisoner's dilemma by arbitrarily (free fire)

“Jesus Christ. What the fuck happened to you two?”

“First date,” Justine says.

“Went dutch,” Chris says.

Places We Don't Belong by easternepiphany (community)

Yesterday they went hiking in the Sandia Mountains, made it to the top of the trail, and celebrated by making out against a tree, slick with sweat. They were caught by a family of four, two parents and a son and a daughter, all who looked on in horror. The mother asked, in a stern and angry voice, weren’t they a little old for such antics. “Probably,” he said with a shrug and she bit her lip to keep from laughing.

A Fool For Your Face by Ghostcat (you’re the worst)

The days after Becca and Vernon’s shitstorm of a party were golden, as if he and Gretchen were finally alone. As if her depression had moved house, left the country, waved goodbye. They laughed and fucked, got drunk or didn't. Did drugs or went dry. Or kissed. For hours. Leaning against the brick wall of some local dive turned glorious oasis because of her lips.

But the walls are giving way by FanchonMoreau (mozart in the jungle)

“You don’t have to feel obligated to stay with us,” Cynthia tells him. “But you’re my orchestra,” Rodrigo insists. She smiles. “We’re big kids. We can take care of ourselves. Take a gig somewhere else if you need to. Trust me, we’ve got this.” He does trust her, and he trusts his orchestra. And he’s not stupid enough to miss the implication that perhaps he’s not wanted here, at this particular moment.

the grave robbers by arbitrarily (american gods)

“Okay, fine. I liked vodka and I liked whiskey. I didn’t even like the top shelf shit — I liked the cheap stuff, the stuff that burned on its way down. I liked it when I felt like it could make me choke. I liked when my bedsheets were tucked in so tight I could barely crawl in under the covers and I slept like I was trapped. I liked the smell of bug spray. I liked the burn of that, too. I liked when I stayed in the tub too long and my skin went all wrinkly and gross, and okay, I get the fucking irony of that now — no need to remind me. I liked when glue dried on my fingers and I’d peel it off. I liked angel food cake. I liked when I’d lay in bed at night sometimes and be just about to fall asleep, but then, I’d jolt awake, like I was falling down a flight of stairs or something in my almost dreams. Or whatever. You know — everyone knows that feeling.”

Reconstruction Site by disco_vendetta (pacific rim)

One day he looks up from the scaffolding and realizes that he’s almost exactly at Jaeger height and has to wrap his hand tight against the metal to keep from stepping out into the air. Not because he wants to kill himself or anything, just because for a split second his mind felt that old equilibrium and he just knew he should be able to, should be able to walk straight across the valley in front of him and out into the sea and on forever until he finds whatever’s next.

Benediction by sistermercury (the exorcist)

“I had to see.” Tomas starts weakly, and something inside Marcus begs for both of them to stop; Begging Tomas because he doesn’t want to know, can’t hear about another goddamn vision, not tonight. Begging himself, because something’s gone wrong and his self-righteousness can wait. It won’t be the first time Marcus fails to follow his own good advice.

he's alive! i'm alive! we're all alive! (oh, this case just got busted wide open) by rustykitchenscissors (mcu)

The next day, he rides his new motorcycle downtown and walks around until he sees a store full of the kinds of phones the other Avengers use. They’re all so thin he thinks they’ll break the moment he picks them up. Like how Bucky said for a while after, “I bet you met your old self like this, you’d break all his bones just going for a handshake, huh?” Only when drunk, of course. That mix of bitter and wonderstruck, hair scrambled across his forehead. “I bet you’ll snap me in half without thinking one of these days.” And Steve would throw an arm across his shoulders and pull him in tight to make sure he knew, Look, fuck that. I swear to God you’re steel to your core.

a tree grows in brooklyn by newsbypostcard (mcu)

"It's done, Buck," he says painfully, lying himself back on the ground. "All that's left is to leave." They don't leave. He can't. His chest rises and falls, too hard and too obvious.

Responsible Science by lettered (mcu)

Three weeks after Bruce left New York, Black Widow found him in Honduras.

the blackberries in the thickets by newsbypostcard (mcu)

"You are James Buchanan -- like the President -- from Illinois, Nevada, California, and New Jersey. I am Grant Stevens -- wanted to be Ulysses Grant, but Nat said two dead presidents living at the same address might sound a little fishy -- from Florida, Connecticut, Washington, and New York."

Bucky frowns at him. "How come you get New York?"

"Just worked out that way."

Life of Crime by neveralarch (mcu)

It's really hard to run through Boston when you're carrying a quiver on your back, a bow in one hand, and a huge bag of money in the other. Still, Clint's doing fine—he's had a ton of practice, after all. He's never going to win any Olympic medals (for, okay, lots of reasons), but he's fast enough for a guy on foot. Doesn't matter, because this chick's gaining on him anyway. Fucking flying. It's gotta be cheating.

#there's like probably half a million words here so have fun

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peacefulheartfarm · 3 years

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Livestock Guardian Dogs; Let's Add to Our Homestead

Livestock guardian dogs is a natural follow-on to the previous podcast about coyotes. At that time, we weren’t really willing to make that step. However, after speaking with other sheep herders, we’ve decided it is time. This is a really big step for me. I truly still feel quite uncomfortable about my ability to properly care for a dog. I don’t really know what my block is in this regard, but I’m jumping in there and I’m going to move past it. I believe some of that revolves around the years that we could not have animals that require daily attention as we were only here on the weekends. It’s an old mindset that no longer applies. I’ve learned to care for lots of different animals. I can do livestock guardian dogs.

I want to take a minute and say welcome to all the new listeners and welcome back to the veteran homestead-loving regulars who stop by the FarmCast for every episode. I appreciate you all so much. If you want to help us out with our mission to provide local, nutrient dense food and heal the earth, please share this podcast on your social media with those interested in following the sustainable homestead life. That’s the best way to help us grow. Now on to our stories.

Our Virginia Homestead Life Updates

Let’s start with some updates on the homestead. If you listened to the last podcast all about coyotes, you know that we have been having some predator issues and we lost a significant number of our sheep. We believe we have that under control for the moment. After lots of discussions and soul searching, we have decided to get a dog. After I give you the normal updates on all of our wonderful homestead livestock buddies, I’ll go into that topic in detail. But first, let’s get you caught up on what’s going on around here.

Sheep

As noted in the last podcast we lost over half of our sheep and lamb population. In fact, we lost all six of the lambs born this year. I let Scott talk me into having a fall crop of lambs. So, Lambert is back in with the girls. We shall see how that goes. We’ve never had lambs in the fall, though it is quite common.

All of the sheep are now in the back pasture again. The cameras we put out night after night indicate that there are no longer any predators coming into the area. We will be getting a dog anyway. They will eventually return and we want to be prepared.

Cows

I’ve completed the registration process on all of our girls. We have three registered Jersey girls and five registered Normande girls. The breeding season is upon us. In mid-June we will start the artificial insemination process once again.

There are still a few details that we haven’t worked out in that realm. Depending on the conversation we will have with the vet will determine whether we try using embryos. The implantation of an embryo enables you to pick all of the genetics of the calf. The mom simply carries the fertilized egg in embryonic form. I don’t know much about this yet. More to come on that.

Calves

The twin calves are back in the calf pasture and we’ve added Virginia to the mix. I don’t know if I talked about that last time. Virginia was sneaking in and stealing Cloud’s milk. Cloud is already supporting two calves. A third, especially a yearling, would be way more than she could support. She has a significant percentage of black angus genes and does not produce as prolifically as the other dairy cows. Butter could support three or four calves. She produces well over six gallons of milk per day.

We are still eagerly anticipating the birth of our last calf via Violet. June 10th is just around the corner. I can’t wait. The late birth may eliminate her from being in the breeding rotation for next year. After birth, it is a minimum of six weeks before she can be bred again. And that would put her insemination at the end of July and the subsequent birth date would be late April. I think we may give AI one try, perhaps two. A second attempt would have her delivering in mid-May. That is pushing it. But it just might work to get her back in sync with the other cows. Ideally, they all need to give birth from mid-March to mid-April.

This is all so much more complicated than I ever imaged. The cheesemaking process demands that you have lots of milk. And to have lots of milk, the cows need to give birth at the same time. Without that piece, you can have many weeks of small amounts of milk in the spring. If they all give birth within three weeks, that’s ideal.

The Garden

The weather has delayed us in planting the garden. I’m finally ready to get the beans in the ground. It was only a few days ago that the temperatures were back down into the 30’s at night. The soil needs to be consistently warm for summer plants to grow. I think we are finally there. Look for more news on that in the future.

The strawberries are doing well. I went out there an checked on them this morning. There is one strawberry starting to turn red. And there are thousands of others that are white. It’s so exciting to see so many berries out there. Do you love strawberry jam? We sure do.

The blueberries are finished blooming and the blackberries have just started. All over the place are lots and lots of white blossoms. The wild blackberries and wild rose are in full bloom. If you live in the area, I’m sure you’ve noticed the clouds of white flowers everywhere. If you are brave and want to pick wild blackberries later in the summer, take note of where those flowers are blooming. Growing up in NW Georgia, we would suit up every 4th of July holiday weekend and go blackberry picking. You had to have long sleeves and no shorts because of the thorns. And in Georgia, it was best to have some way to keep the chiggers off of you. Chiggers are also known as red bugs. And they are a pain. Are you familiar with them? Unless you live in the south, probably not.

Chiggers or Red Bugs

They are arachnids. The red-colored larvae are so small – only 1/120 to 1/150 of an inch – that you cannot see them with the naked eye. They hang out in tall grass, weed patches, and underneath trees. Any brushy or thicket – such as blackberry bushes can house them. I grew up with the popular belief that they burrow into your skin. Not true. They attach to your skin. They like tight places like in your armpits, around your waistband, etc. If they are not removed, chiggers will remain on your skin for about four days.

How do you keep them off? We took several steps when getting ready to go blackberry picking. As I said, long sleeves and pants. We also treated our clothing with insect repellent. We did use those that have DEET – and they are safe enough if you only put it on your clothes and not on your skin. And today there are DEET-free alternatives. Wear boots and tuck the pant legs into them. Then pull your socks up over the pants leg. Double protection there. But it is needed in that area as walking through the brush and bushes is a significant hazard to picking up these little guys. Once you return home, get in the shower immediately and use lots of soap while they are still wandering around. Launder the clothes in hot water.

That’s a little side note not at all related to livestock guardian dogs. Let’s get on to that topic.

Livestock Guardian Dogs

There are many breeds of livestock guardian dogs and they have been used by shepherds and farmers for centuries. They are bred and trained to instinctively protect their herd from predators. The breeds can be crossbred with other livestock guardian dogs, but crossbreeding with any other breed ruins the innate ability to be a great livestock guardian dog. I can’t stress this enough. This topic comes up over and over again when I am looking on Facebook. People ask about this all the time. And the answer is always the same. Your German shepherd is not a good LGD. Great Dane and Dobermans do not make good livestock guardian dogs, and on and on. You can’t breed a livestock herding dog with a livestock guardian dog and get a good outcome. You ruin both sides of that equation. Herding dogs have wonderful instincts but they are completely different than the instincts of a guardian dog.

Breeds

We are looking at several different breeds. The Great Pyrenees is probably the most well-known livestock guardian dog. They are quite popular in the US. Other breeds we are considering are the Akbash and Maremma. The Great Pyrenees originates from the Pyrenees mountains of Spain and France. The Akbash is originally from Turkey. And the Maremma is native to Italy. There are more than a dozen different breeds from various parts of the world. The thing they have in common is their breeding for livestock guardian instincts. Some are better in one or another area. It depends on what you are looking for in your particular situation.

What Makes a Good Livestock Guardian Dog?

They need to be large and strong. Typically, they are very comfortable living outdoors, though they should still have a dog house or some other kind of shelter. Developing a strong bond with livestock is essential. We are looking for a peaceful demeanor unless a predator comes around. They we want them to move into action quickly. These dogs like to mark their territory. Most of them are very vocal and can bark a lot. You want that.

One of the vendors near me at the market says that she can tell when new lambs have been born by the sound of the bark. The dog will be right there with the lambs, waiting for her to come and see to the new lambs. These dogs love to work, and truly need a job to stay occupied. I know a lot of people want to have them as pets, but they can really be a handful if kept couped up in an apartment. Even a nice sized house and yard can be problematic. They need acres and acres to roam and patrol in order to be happy. They need animals to protect to be truly happy.

Other Breeds

Some other breeds you may have heard of include: Anatolian shepherd, a Turkish breed; the shaggy Komondor from Hungary is sometimes referred to as the mop dog. You’ll know one when you see it; there is the Tibetan mastiff, an ancient breed used by the nomadic tribes of Nepal and Mongolia; The Karakachan is known for acute senses and a strong bond with the flock. There are just so many. How to choose?

These guys actually become part of the herd. They are always with the livestock, integrating into the workings of the homestead. Some routinely check the perimeters of the property, others like to keep watch from a high vantage point. They are not going to run off after bunnies and other small animals. They will stick close to the flock. Even after chasing off a predator, they will quickly return to their animal charges.

What Do We Need in a LGD?

There are quite a few things that we have thought about so far and likely more to come. We are looking for an adult dog that already has some experience with livestock. After getting one adult acclimated to the homestead, we will likely add another that is in the puppy stage. We want to understand all the ins and outs of training as well. So, the first one needs to already know what it’s doing because we sure don’t. After the flock is protected, we can move into learning how to train one from start to finish. These dogs mostly live 12 to 15 years or so. We will likely need quite a few over our lifetime.

They are big dogs and that is a little intimidating for me. Even while still in the puppy stages, under two years old, they will be very large dogs. These are intelligent and headstrong breeds. We have the land and livestock to keep them busy – and they need that to keep them out of mischief. If they get bored, unwanted things can happen. In a household, chewing up things is not uncommon. Again, I don’t think we will have too much difficulty with that, but you just never know how rambunctious your animal might be.

Puppies vs Adults

Puppies simply cannot be left on their own. They need time to mature. The teen stage can be particularly horrible for most. They are just so big but they are still puppies at heart. A dog under two years of age can easily severely hurt of even kill the very livestock they are meant to protect. Again, we are going for an adult dog in the beginning. It is much easier for a puppy to learn if it has an adult mentor.

They absolutely need proper socialization training. Without it, they can potentially be very dangerous. Their sheer size and strength mean that they can cause serious injuries to people or other animals. They can inadvertently injure small people or children during what is considered quite routine play for them. Many breeds, even as adults, have difficulty with protecting birds – chickens, ducks, turkeys and so on – as they like to chase them as many have inbred instincts to kill them. We will be looking for which breeds can be trained well in this area as we intend to have chickens soon.

Caring for a LGD

The next thing I want to talk about is caring for them. This is my greatest area of insecurity. Almost all of these dogs are long-haired and need to be groomed at the very least every month. What do you think it will be like bathing a dog this big? Better get one that enjoys it. It would be impossible to handle a one-hundred-pound dog that didn’t like having a bath.

I’ve look at some of the breeds that don’t have as thick of a coat. But they need the thick, long coats to help protect them from predators and the elements. Some even have mane-like fur to protect their neck and shoulder region from the teeth of predators. It requires more effort from us, but in the end is worth the investment.

There are a few things out there in the interwebs that I have found to be myths. I think the worst one is that you can’t be friends with your dog. Making friends with a livestock guardian dog does not mean he won’t do his job. These are not house dogs and they have no such desire. They do however, love treats as much as any other dog.

I mentioned earlier about cross-breeding with herding dogs. Even worse is the idea that a herding dog can be a good livestock guardian god. Nothing could be further from the truth. Herding dogs have a completely different function. They are small and can easily be overwhelmed by large predators. Their job is to chase animals, although in a controlled way. Inevitably, they will tend to kill animals when bred with LGDs. Not a good thing.

How They Think

These dogs will bark at people that visit but will not bite. Their instincts are to attack only if there is a threat. Again, the difference between an LGD and say a Doberman. That Doberman may attack without provocations. Not so with the LGD.

If a stray dog comes around, they put on a great show but will not harm the dog unless an actual threat is perceived. If there is no threat, they leave the dog alone, perhaps escorting them off the property. The same with humans.

Most livestock guardian dogs learn to enjoy killing wild predators and may even hunt them. They know the difference between a domestic dog and a wild animal.

Final Thoughts

I’m so glad that we have peace on the homestead again. For the time being, all is well with the animals. The garden is moving along slowly but steadily. That means more time outside in the sunshine. It’s good for the soul. Yeah, get that vitamin D.

The perfect livestock guardian dog will be found and our animals will be protected. We will progress through yet another learning curve in caring for animals on the homestead. It’s all a cycle. One after another, after another. It’s a beautiful thing. And yes, I’m still intimidated. But I will get over it. I’m going to love having a dog. And it will be the best dog on the planet receiving the best care available from our loving hearts.

If you enjoyed this podcast, please hop over to Apple Podcasts or whatever podcasting service you use, SUBSCRIBE and give me a 5-star rating and review. If you like this content and want to help out the show, the absolute best way you can do that is to share it with any friends or family who might be interested in this type of content. Let them know about the Peaceful Heart Farmcast.

Thank you so much for stopping by the homestead and until next time, may God fill your life with grace and peace.

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geminimoonbeamx · 7 years

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Naive: Part 1

A/N: I’m so freaking happy you guys seemed to like the intro, I wrote this and a few other “chapters” up in one night! Hopefully I can get you guys as hyped as I am for this story😭💛

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Just cursing in this chapter because I have the mouth of a sailor. The stirrings of sexual tension. The big stuffs coming next time though you guys I promise lol

Summary: As the goddaughter of Tony Stark you were no stranger to the Avengers, but when you meet the newest member- you’re a little more then intrigued. Unfortunately for him, Bucky Barnes has caught your eye.

💘💘💘💘💘

You and Pepper sit in the back of a sleek black Mercedes as it winds through the city, towards Manhattan and the Tower.

It had only been a few years since you’d been in New York but damn, had your forgotten how small this city made you feel. You stare out of the window, your eyes tilted up at many sky scrapers, the sun glaring through your oversized sunglasses as you look at the sky.

It reminds you of a canopy, the way the buildings seem to box you in. An urban jungle that smelled like human pee and chronic exhaustion.

“Are you excited for the internship?” Pepper asks you with a grin and you nod enthusiastically, biting your bottom lip.

What she was talking about was the internship you’d managed to score at the American Museum of Natural History.

“So fucking excited. I mean- I know they’re going to have me doing chump work. Since I only just got my bachelors degree, but the boost that it’s giving my career is insane. Like, I’ll be working on my graduates degree at the same time so I’m hoping if I can make a good impression they’ll refer me to the Smithsonian”

You cant help but babble, your mouth going a mile a minute.

School had always been important to you. It’d been drilled into you by your scientist of a mother, and your college professor of a grandmother that education was the most valuable thing in this world. You’d luckily inherited your moms bright nature, and had graduated high school as the Valedictorian…

Which always made you laugh because you’d ditched more then a third of your senior year to smoke pot with your friends in your car and had still managed to pass top of your class.

College was harder, just like you knew it was going to be. But you still goverened a high grade point average. Double majoring in Sociology and History and minoring in Art Forensics.

Because you’d known, ever since you’d watched Indiana Jones when you we’re six, that all you wanted to do was work in Museums. You wanted to be surrounded by ancient scrolls and mystical tombs. You wanted your life to be the adventure you’d mapped it out to be in your head.

Plus the ide of your fat ass swinging around on vines and running from giant rolling death balls made you smile.

“That’s a lot to have on your plate at once. But if anyone can do it, it’s you. But just know if you neglect your flower girl duties, you will be replaced” Pepper jokes and you giver her a “har har”

“You mean maid of honor duties” You verify.

“What? You cant be both? We also we’re thinking of having you be the ring bearer” You roll your eyes at the strawberry blonde who’s typing away at her blackberry. It’s such a familiar sight, a wave of nostalgia washes over you.

You’d spent a good chunk of your childhood looking up to her.

When the car pulls into the garage of what used to be Stark, but what was now Avengers tower you cant help but feel like you’re ten years olf again. Going to spend two weeks in the summertime with your “Tony Tino”

“So they should be out of their meeting in about twenty minutes, your bags are being brought to your room and the boxes got here a few days ago” Pepper confirms the plans to me as we make our way through the lush waiting room and into one of the many elevators.

“Okay, cool. I’ll just go start unpacking then-”

“Nope” She interjects and I shoot her a “why the hell not?” look.

“Tony said you should get something in your stomach. He know’s you never eat on planes” Pepper covers for herself quickly, not wanting you to see through her lie and ruin Tony’s surprise.

“Okay I guess. I’m not really hungry but you can show me the new kitchens. All he’s been talking about is how the upgrades we’re way cool” You seem to be tottaly oblivious wich makes her let out a metaphorical sigh of relief.

The kitchens are even more wicked then what Tony had told you and your eyes light up as you asses the huge room. The stainless steel and clean white walls making it look like something out of Star Trek.

“Hello Ms. Y/L/N” Fridays sing song robotic voice chimes from nowhere and you grin.

“Friday! How have you been?” You know she’s just a computer, just a hard drive, but you talk to her like she’s a real person.

Just like you used to do with Jarvis who, now, actually was a real person.

“I’ve been well, Ms. Y/L/N. Tony has missed you very much. He’s been very busy preparing for your stay. He’s instructed me to make sure you are fed because he knows you “barf” on airplanes. What can I have made for you? The chef’s specialty is French cusine”

You quirk your mouth at the word barf.

That was one time and you we’re fourteen. Would he ever let you forget it?

“Umm, just a bowl of fruit sounds good” You instruct her rolling your eyes at Pepper who insists you eat a more well rounded diet.

“Fine- and a yogurt”

You sit across Pepper, at one of the glass dining tables. You’d been hungrier then you’d realized and had eaten the entirety of the mixed fruit and yogurt happily. Your chatting about the NYU admissions when the door to the kitchens opens and people flooded in.

Those people being the Avengers- sans a couple members, but still, a decent(menacing) group. With Tony at the front.

The grin on his face is big- his eyes crinkling with crows feet as he approaches you, his arms dramatically open wide.

“Hey Tino!” You laugh as you hop down from the stool and walk over, giving him a tight squeeze. He wasn’t the tallest men, but was still much taller then you so you wrap your arms around his middle as he squeezes the life out of your head.

“Hey kiddo” He lets you go after a moment, putting a hand on your shoulder “How are you doing? Are you feeling better? Did you eat?” He looks you over as he speaks.

You look…different. Your hair is different, you’d cut at least a four or so inches off and it now sat just past your shoulders. It was lighter too.

“Yes god father, I ate. Chill out” You shake your head.

“You dyed your hair” It almost sounds like an accusation and you fight the urge to run your fingers through it self consciously.

Your hair had always reminded him so much of your moms…“It looks nice kid! Makes you look like you’re about thirty though”

“Don’t be mean to me!”

“I’m not- I’m not. I said it looks nice. Right Pepper, you heard that?” Tony looks to Pepper who’s still at the table, she just snorts at her fiancée.

“I think it brings out your eyes” Natasha pipes up as she comes up and gives you a short hug.

“Well thanks. At least someone here actually loves me. I missed you Nat, how have you been?”

And that’s how it goes, you making the rounds, reuniting with the people all around you.

Bruce blushes when you hug him tightly and ask him how things we’re hanging in the lab. Thor picks you up, as he always had, and told you how he missed his little lady. You think you hug Wanda the tightest. You’d kept in touch with her the most, you guys were close in age and you just clicked with her. You knew all about her little romance with Vision who you still had the urge to call Jarvis.

“You’ll always be Jarvis to me” You tell him. He, like Pepper, had watched you grow up.

Clint ruffles your hair in a way that makes you swat his hands away furiously. “How’ve you been, squirt?” Before Sam tells you you’d gotten a nice tan in Europe to which you cant help but bark a laugh at. “Okay creep” you punch his shoulder affectionately.

“Hey Steve” You beam at him reaching on the very tip of your toes to wrap him in a quick hug.

God, he’s still hot.

You’d had a thing for him back a few years ago. He was going through a rough patch and needed a friend and you had this inviting way about you that he’d melted into. It never got serious- you hadn’t even really kissed the guy but you’d been close.

You thought it would have been weirder seeing him again. Especially after the whole scene Tony had caused between the both of you but it wasn’t.

He still looked something akin to sunshine. His aura bright and golden.

And he was standing next to someone you’d never met- in person. But you knew exactly who the guy was.

You we’re a history major for fucks sake. Of course you knew who James Buchannan Barnes was.

“How’ve you been, Y/N? It’s been a while” Steve grins down at you.

“It really has, stranger. Thanks for keeping in contact. You know, I didn’t teach you how to properly text for nothing" You shoot at him, with no malice but it makes him shift uncomfortably on his feet.

“Yeah- I’m sorry. I should have checked in more it’s just been really hectic-” You watch him with a satisfied leer. You’d always loved making him squirm, and he just made it all too easy.

“You’re fine Steve” You wave him off “I get it. You’re still all technologically impaired. Guess I’m just not important enough for you”

You use that tone- the one that had always got him so worked up and he just puffs out a breath, shaking his head.

“That’s not- your messing with me” He catches on and you giggle and roll your eyes.

Oh, your sweet 40’s child.

“Always” You inform him before turning your attention to the man you hadn’t been formally introduced to yet and giving him a smile. That smile.

Bucky can see why you we’re known for being a flirt.

He’d just watched you work a room full of people, watched the way that the team reacted to your warmth. The way you seemed to have your own unique bond with everyone and he couldn’t lie- it was intriguing.

You’re pretty- in a way that he didn’t see a lot. Yeah, your bigger then he’d been expecting; all hips and thighs and a large bussom but there’s something eye catching about you. Maybe it’s the way your eyes are lined with sharp cat eye liner or the way your eyebrows arch. It reminds him of home, of the women that he’d grown up around.

“Hi, I’m Y/N” You hold your hand out to his. Your eyes are sparking with curiosity as he reaches down to take it.

“I’m-” He starts and you cut him off, your playful nature coming out.

“ Sargent James Buchannan Barnes? I’ve been learning about you since like kindergarten!”

“That so? You can call me Bucky” he drawls out.

“Bucky. It’s really nice to meet you. Any friend of Splangles here is a friend of mine. I mean unless you’re as boring as he is”

You really we’re a charmer. And he thought he’d been charming back in the day. You could run circles around him.

He can’t help the smooth chuckle that leaves his throat as Steve protests with an half offended “hey!”

“I’m just kidding, Steve. You know I love you!” You pinch his cheek, your nose scrunching before turning away from them and back to Tony.

Not before telling Bucky you were “Excited to pick his brain sometime”

Bucky’s gaze is focused on your retreating figure. He feels a little…dizzy. The way you feel when you get off a ride at Luna Park.

He doesn’t think he’s felt like this anytime this decade.

Steve shoots him a knowing look.

The Y/N effect.

“Told ya’ jerk” Steve pushes Bucky’s shoulder in a friendly manner as he passes him and Bucky shakes him, and the weird head high off with a quick “Punk”.

Tony hasn’t stopped talking since that first moment you’d been reunited and you hang onto every word. You’d always loved this about him; that he’d talk to you. And like, really conversation. Not just treat you like your were some dumb kid who couldn’t keep up.

You end up leaving the rest of the “Scooby gang” and you follow him to where you’re assuming is his office.

“Okay but how are they going to try and pass Government restrictions on you? It doesn’t make any sense? If they had half a brain they’d label you an international task force- but I mean then you’d have to deal with the UN more I guess. And aren’t they still super salty about the accords?…”

Tony’s over being impressed with the way your brain works. He’s been over it since you were eight and you’d called your teacher a facist.

“Super salty” Tony affirms with a sigh “But at least we have SHEILD backing us now. And there’s some new members. Oh yeah and Thors phycotic brother promised he won’t try to invade earth anymore”

You snort “Well that’s a relief I guess. He’s finally getting his younger sibling syndrome in check”

“I think Bruce scarred him for life”

“Good. He needed it. Where’s Rhodey? I noticed that he wasn’t down stairs” you ask the question that been bugging you.

“Oh yeah. He had a physical therapy appointment but he’ll be gracing us with his presence for dinner”

“How’s he doing?”

“You know Rhodey. He’s kicking PTs ass. He should be able to get back in the suit in a few months”

That makes you happy. Like genuinely so happy and relieved because you loved the shit out of Rohdey and you’d been really worried about him after the…accident.

“Yeah. He’s such a bad ass- uh hey Tino, where are we going? I thought your office was on the 47th floor?” You watch as the light around the 15 lights up, announcing your stop.

“I thought we’d make a detour. So I know you wanted to get your own apartment- but rent in the city is outrageous and you decided to humor your dear old god dad… So I improvised” Tony explains and your whole face is twisted up in confusion because what is he even talking about?

“What?” You hiss as the elevator doors ding open.

The room that’s revealed has your jaw dropping and harsh gasp ripping itself from your throat.

“Think of it as a graduation present” Tony’s happy- your reaction is just what he’d wanted.

You looked childlike as you took in the space. There were large, floor length windows that lined the furthest wall- the natural lighting was something out of a dream. The couches were plush and charcoal colored, an array of throw pillows lining them. There were white furry rugs and marble accents and gold lining to everything. The color scheme you were obsessed with.

“Tony oh my god! I love it!” You squeak. How had he gotten your tastes so well? “This is why pepper started following all my Pinterest boards huh?”

“We wanted it to feel like your own place. There’s a bed room and a bathroom back down that hall”

You turn to him, your bottom lip jutting out.

“Don’t cry!” He protests and you sniffle dramatically.

“I just- I can’t believe you had the time to do all of this. Thank you so so so so much, Tino. I love it. Best graduation gift ever”

He’d always spoiled you, a fact that you weren’t ignorant to but this… It almost felt like too much.

“I’m just happy you’re staying here. I think NYU and the internship will be really good for you. And Pepper needs someone to talk wedding plans with cause she’s staring to make my ears bleed with that shit-”

“And you want to keep an eye on me while I withdrawal?” You guess, saying what he hadn’t.

The atmosphere in the room seems to suddenly shift.

He chomps his teeth together with an audible snap and nods.

“We don’t know the entirety of side effects from coming off that drug so yes. I want you here while you do it. Even though I still don’t think it’s the best idea” Tony uses that parental voice you hate on you and you sigh and walk over to one of the Windows. Staring down bustling streets below you.

“I know, I don’t know if it’s the best idea either but somethings gotta’ give. I’m willing to try anything at this point…I don’t want to feel like this anymore” you whisper the last part.

Tony watches you, his arms folded over his chest as he deflates.

“Okay- just like I told you over the phone we’ll try it. Ween you off slowly. But if it gets too intense we’re starting them back up again”

I’m not gonna lose you too, is what he doesn’t say.

No matter how bad the idea of it scares you, you know it’s the best route. The only one you’ve got left.

—–

Dun dun dunnnnn. Y/N’s on drugs say what?! Trust me, it’s not what your thinking. Unless you’s a mind reader- then it’s exactly what your thinking. I’m thinking? We’re thinking?😂

Ps. My laptops acting super wonky so the tags should be up later! I promise I’ve got you guys lol! And continue to ask if you want to be tagged in upcoming parts.

https://xgminigypsy.tumblr.com/post/166595772104/naive-part-2 PART TWO

https://xgminigypsy.tumblr.com/post/166629591854/naive-part-3 PART THREE

https://xgminigypsy.tumblr.com/post/166664664834/naive-part-4 PART FOUR

https://xgminigypsy.tumblr.com/post/166703266654/naive-part-5 PART FIVE

#bucky barnes x plus size reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes smut #Tony Stark #tony stark daughter #mcu imagine #marvel #steve rogers

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ynibytina · 5 years

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Meet Jessie Hotchkiss!!!

Of all the people I've gotten to interview over the last year or so, I would have to say Jessie Hotchkiss was one of the sweetest people I've gotten to know. I met Jessie on Twitter after entering the 2013 Acuvue Contest (see my entry here!). It turns out this 19-year-old, Brooklyn Park, Minnesota native happens to have a lot in common with me. Not only do we share a love for music, but I also found out that she also has relatives that live near to where I live. Someday I hope to meet Jessie in person and jam out with her. In case you were wondering, Jessie, happens to be the first out of seven people to be chosen as winners of the 2013 Acuvue Contest. To learn more about Jessie, her music, and her adventures with Acuvue, please follow her on her Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Ask.FM pages, or Youtube channel. P.S. While on YouTube, don't forget to watch Jessie's winning audition video for the Acuvue Contest or Jessie's Mentorship Episode with Demi Lovato!!!

Favorite Musicians: Demi Lovato, Ed Sheeran, Skillet.

Favorite Movies: Mean Girls, Sleepover, Freaky Friday, Pitch Perfect.

Favorite Book: Hunger Games or Divergent Series.

Favorite Color: Blue.

Favorite Holiday: Halloween.

Mac or PC: Mac.

Twitter or Facebook: Twitter.

Blackberry or iPhone: iPhone.

Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla.

Winter or Summer: Summer.

Pancakes or Waffles: Pancakes.

Math or Science: Math.

Past, Present, or Future: Future.

Did you grow up in a musical family? What age/instrument did you learn first?

Absolutely not! My sister was the first one to start learning an instrument in 6th grade. Once I got into 6th grade, I started playing the trumpet. So I was about 11 years old.

When you found out that you won the Acuvue contest, how did you/your family and friends react?

I actually got a call around 7 am on a Saturday and ignored it because it said “unknown," so I ignored it and went back to bed. They called again about an hour after that and left a voice mail. But I woke up around 9 forgetting about the voice mail and checked my email first, and that’s where I saw (1) in my inbox and looked. I had to stare at it for a good 30 seconds before I realized that it wasn’t spam! I literally started sobbing and ran into my mom’s room and told her that I won! She didn’t know what contest I was talking about because I enter a ton! So I explained and she couldn’t believe it! I then realized that it was Acuvue trying to call me and I listened to the voicemail. They told me to respond to the email to make sure I’m aware that I’m a winner. My friends didn’t really understand the concept of the contest. They were excited but they didn’t realize how big of a deal it was until the mentorship video came out. It still feels like it didn’t happen, but I’m glad it did!

What was it like working with Demi Lovato? Was she the mentor that you originally hoped for? What's the best advice that she gave you?

It was pretty surreal. It's like when you only see someone online and on TV, it’s almost like you don’t believe they exist (as weird as that sounds). But she is super sweet and genuine and a goofball. She had this aura that she gave off that immediately made me feel comfortable. I was nervous for about the first minute of meeting her, but after that, I was totally fine. She honestly was the reason I entered. I told myself I’d be content with whoever was chosen for me as long as I overcame my fears by the end of the day, but I didn’t actually think I was going to be set up with her. It’s funny because I originally wasn’t going to enter just cause it’s such a huge contest and I thought, “What are even the chances?” but I’m glad I at least tried because you have just as much of a chance as getting chosen as anyone else does as long as you enter. As for advice, I feel really dumb but I honestly can’t remember a whole lot…it was an overwhelming day overall. But something I learned that day is to just own it up on stage. You already know exactly what you’re supposed to do, so why be nervous about it?

Why do you think your video was chosen? For people who want to try out next year, what advice would you give them while making their videos?

I’m honestly still trying to figure that out. The Acuvue crew has told me so many times that it really stood out and I was obviously chosen for a reason. When I watched it back when I was about to submit the video, I didn’t think it was all that great. But when I compared it to the others, something did seem a little different about mine, and I’m not just saying that I truly believe that. For anyone who wants to try out next year, you really want to try to make it stand out. What I did is I watched the submissions for the 5 previous winners from 2012 and asked myself, “What is it about the videos that made them stand out?” I literally watched them about 5 times each. What I found out is they didn’t get off the topic of what they are trying to accomplish. I actually watched every single submission for the 2013 contest and what a lot of people did was talk about their pasts and how maybe they’ve been bullied or depressed (etc.) and they don’t focus on what their dream is. Acuvue wants to know about it and HOW bad you want it, they don’t want your life story and then only one sentence about what you want to do. They want to know how you got started with it and how much you want to progress in either your passion or how to get over the fears that are preventing you from taking your passion further. So I’d suggest that you leave out your life story and focus on your dream; THAT is what they want to know about.

Has life changed for you much since winning the Acuvue contest? What does a current day in your life look like?

As for just day by day, not really. Although since the mentorship I got to attend the 2013 Teen Choice Awards and got to walk the blue carpet (which was a guaranteed prize along with the mentorship). But I also got to do a separate event with my mentor that no one else got to do. So that definitely wasn’t expected. Being able to go to LA three times this year has been amazing; I just wish I could stay there, haha! I actually recently saw Fifth Harmony in concert and got recognized by about 15 people. They just congratulated me and/or told me how jealous they are, which is something I’ve been hearing a lot lately. A typical day for me consists of waking up and going to classes (it differs every day since I’m in college so it’s not the same schedule every day) and depending on what day it is, I go to work, come home and do homework. Then usually play guitar or keyboard till about midnight and may make a cover once a week or so. It’s not too eventful. Most of my friends go to schools far away so I don’t really have anyone to hang with here.

What was it like going to the Teen Choice Awards? Did you run into a lot of celebrities?

I did! It was honestly one of the craziest/surreal things ever (even more so than the mentorship). Our day started around 6-7 am (depending on when we got called to the room to get makeup done) and it didn’t end till about midnight when we got back to our hotel and chilled on the rooftop. The day started with us all one by one getting makeup done. After, we went into the room next door to get our wardrobes (which we picked out the day prior out of a crazy amount of choices)! Then we had to go downstairs to do a photoshoot! I ended up being the last one so it was a big rush trying to run all over the hotel and whatnot. But the photoshoot was very interesting considering I’m so awkward on camera. But they played Demi in the background which made it better, haha! Once that was taken care of, all of us winners hopped on a little bus to go to the TCA site and film a commercial with Shay Mitchell. No one was there yet so we got to see everything while it was clear. Shay got dropped off and I think we all got a little star-struck (except Olivia since she was her mentor). We took several takes of it and then immediately had to go back to the hotel because there was a party on the hotel roof with the mentors, out families and the CEO’s (along with their families) of Acuvue. Unfortunately, only Dwight, Joe and Shay could attend. But it was incredible meeting them all! After that was done, all of us (except Anthony and Olivia) got back on the minibus and drove to the TCA site again. We were dropped off where all the celebrities were and it was the craziest site ever; I have never seen so many paparazzi in my life. We stood by the gate where everyone was dropped and saw about every single celeb that attended. I met Ed Sheeran and other artist and it was insane how close everyone was to us. Even One Direction casually walked inches away to get around us. But we went in, watched the show, got out and went to an after-party consisting of free arcade games, bowling, and endless chicken strips and pizza! One of the best days by far.

In 10 years you will be...

Hopefully, I’ll be in a successful band, whether it’s a new band, already existing one, or be a backup musician for a solo artist.

Besides music, what do you like to do in your spare time?

I love drawing! I used to do it high school a lot, but since I’ve been in college, I don’t have as much free time as I used to. I’m also really into making bracelets. I can make them out of string and rubber bands so if you ever want one, Hit me up!

What's your favorite quote and why?

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream; not only plan but also believe.” I really like this quote because I think so many people just act upon something, fail, and then give up. You’re going to be told “no” a lot in order to get where you want to be. I have, yet that doesn’t stop me. Even though I had this amazing experience happen to me, there’s a little voice in my head that likes to get at me and make me think that I’m not going to end up getting far with music, but I try to shove it aside. Don’t give in to the voices. Listen to your heart, not your head.

Do you write your own music? If so are we going to hear it soon on your YouTube channel? If not, what's your favorite cover that you've done and why?

I’ve been trying to write some original stuff lately. I actually do have an original song on my channel, but it’s a very rough version and has been touched up a bit over time since I posted it. I may end up deleting in the future and reposting the version I have now. I’m also working on another one now, but I can’t think of how to make it flow. I have lyrics, just not the music. So I’m working on that currently. I think my favorite cover would actually have to be “Not Gonna Die” by Skillet. I don’t sing, but I’m playing electric guitar and that’s originally what I started out on. I haven’t played one for a few years so it was fun going back to it and playing some rock!

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stretchjournalemerson · 5 years

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Turkey Run Inn

By Audrey Iocca -

Before my parents divorced, there was a place we used to go as a family once a year, every year: Turkey Run State Park. It is a small forest preserve about two and a half hours from where we lived in Illinois. It has a few good hiking trails, an adorable inn, two horses, and a river. This random state park on the edge of Indiana was a place of tradition for us, one of very few places our family had. My grandma was taken to this place as a child; camping, hiking, and playing in the river were cheap ways to entertain farm kids. And when she was old enough to need a cheap way to entertain her farm kids, she took my mom and uncle there. And then, as the cycle goes, my mom took my sister and me.

But it never felt cheap. It never felt like we were doing this to save a little bit of cash. It felt like an adventure.

Looking back, everything in my childhood was like an adventure. When I was young, I grew up on a lot of land, like my mom and grandma before me; 11 acres of grass and a pond was my backyard between the ages of 0 and 10. My sister, Isabel, and I would saddle up on our John Deere battery-powered mini truck and ride out as far as it would take us, or until my parents yelled that they couldn’t see us anymore. We would ride it down to the dock on the pond, lay on our stomachs, and look down at the blue-green fish swimming around, sometimes even dragging our fingers through the murky water that often needed cleaning. When the pond got particularly green, my dad would haul out the little faded blue, tin rowboat. Occasionally, he would take us on the pond, fashioning us with bright orange life vests before he began to tell us the wonders of the world beneath the moss. It was in this rowboat that I first learned about tadpoles and schools of fish, all while my dad sprinkled pond moss remover into the water.

Once a summer my parents would take us across the land bridge to the other side of the pond where the blackberry bushes were hidden. It was something that became tradition over the years: going across the bridge, picking the blackberries, putting them in little baskets. There was nothing better than tilting my head back in anticipation as my mom picked one off the top of the bush before dropping it into my awaiting mouth; it was a blackberry paradise. We felt like Mary and Laura in Little House in the Big Woods, the girls we heard about every night from our mom’s lips before bed.

I never realized then that this was a love project of sorts, our upbringing. I imagine my mom and dad planning this life for us, my mom making the apparitions of her nostalgia come to life through this house that was as close to the farm as she could get. And yet, there is a point where nostalgia is not enough; the gaps in life experience begin to fall in on themselves and suddenly, they need to be filled.

At one point, my mom stopped being at the house with us all the time. My mom no longer chased us through the peony and rose gardens on September afternoons; she watched us become a two-man band from the screened in porch as she scribbled away in her college-ruled notebooks. My mom going back to school was something I didn’t understand when it was happening, and so my memories of this time are very fuzzy: I see the textbooks on her bedside table, I smell more of my dad’s cooking in the kitchen, I hear my parents voices gradually rise each time they fight, I feel the rough fabric of her black robe and play with the tassel on the fancy flat hat. I don’t think my mom regrets being a stay at home mom, but I do think she would have done things differently. She wouldn’t have had her first kid at 22. She wouldn’t have gotten married twice. She would’ve had more of her own life. And I don’t blame her for that. I think she wanted to get far away from that place; she needed to see what else was out there.

***

When I was ten, my parents separated. And when I say separated, I really mean separated. My mom moved Isabel and me to Skokie, Illinois--a Chicago suburb over 200 miles from my hometown where my dad stayed. He got a job as an account tech with the state, sold the house and the land, and opted for an apartment closer to the mall. Just like that, our blackberry paradise was gone.

Our new claim to a half acre hardly felt like an upgrade, but my mom insisted we were on to bigger and better things. She worked part time at the park district as a receptionist for a year before being able to put her MBA to use at the local mall. It was about a ten minute drive from our house. In fact, nothing was more than ten minutes away: the grocery store, my middle school, the bank, the mall, the orthodontist, my friend’s houses. It was like a third grader’s drawing of their street in art class, everything in that town was packed together like the charcoals they would have used to color the picture in with. While there were trees and some parks sprinkled in throughout, Skokie was overwhelmingly gray.

Martin F. Peccia Park was the greenest place I could escape to with my friends. It was a half block of grass complete with an unnecessary amount of “no dogs allowed” signs. Laying in the grass with the sun beating down on my forehead, I am taken out of my city for a moment: the birds chirping, the grass prickleing my bare legs, the breeze blowing through my hair. But with that breeze brings the smell of car exhaust and I am brought right back to reality. The park is surrounded by I-94. Commuters whizz past, their horns overpowering the birds and everything else. The highway is visible from the park: only a chain link fence protected us from the insanity of commuter life, a life my mom would join in a few short years. For some reason she wanted this, wanted to prove to everyone that she could make it here, to this polluted daydream.

At this point, my uncle and grandma had moved away from Springfield as well, both settling in Chicago suburbs a little further out from the city. I guess the consensus among the family was that there was more opportunity in Chicagoland: there were better schools, better jobs, better everything, apparently. As a pre-teen, I didn’t really understand the difference between all those “betters.” School was still school, no matter where I was. But now I think I see what they meant.

At Fairview South Middle School, I was in a class of 80 and at least half were not white, if not more. My class at Farmingdale Elementary school was over 100, and I can remember one asian girl and one black boy. I remember one year, the Skokie school district had so much extra funding that we each got five dollar gift cards to Barnes & Noble in the mail. There was a class at Fairview that taught me Latin roots weekly and incorporated the works of Shakespeare and Homer. I was able to test out of Algebra 1 before high school, along with about two-thirds of my class. Spanish was a requirement for seventh and eighth grade. These were all things that I would not have experienced in Springfield, and my mom was well aware of that because she had stayed there her whole life, without being exposed to any of it.

I think, in the end, whether all this was really better or not, it was a better life in my mom’s eyes. Exposure, education, diversity, wealth. I think they were all things my mom had always wanted for herself, things she never got growing up on a farm in the middle of conservative Illinois.

***

One of my best friends at the time was a girl named Julia who spoke Polish at home and English at school. We would sometimes brave a walk home from school together, usually only on sunny days where it meant enough reward for the hassle. To get home, we had to cross the bridge that took us directly over I-94. I was in Dorothy’s tornado on that bridge, desperately clicking my heels three times waiting for it to carry me home. In a whirlwind of fast cars and heavy backpacks, we finally made our way to the other side.

When we didn’t walk home, we always took the bus. There were five of us in the same grade that always took over the back of the bus. I remember one day I was sitting next to Julia while she stared out of the window when suddenly she started slapping my leg excitedly and yelled: “There’s a deer!” Everyone’s heads snapped to look out the window like it was an exotic zoo animal. But it was just a deer. I saw them every day in my backyard where I grew up, and I could not understand their fascination.

***

When we lived in Skokie, we still went to Turkey Run. It wasn’t every year, but we went. It became the place we would beg to stop at on any road trip that went relatively close. It became the place I wanted to bring friends on long weekends. It became the place I thought I was going to get married. It became the place I knew I would take my children one day.

I want to share the journey there with them, the way I know I’m almost there when the curved road turns straight. After what feels like all day, we finally pass the many canoe and kayak rental shacks, the curved road ends, and there is a brown sign with bright yellow generic font reading “Turkey Run State Park.” I want to share with them what is beyond that sign: the magic of the covered bridge and the punch bowl, the family singing “grandma got run over by a turkey” while hiking Trail 3, the feeling of feet sinking into thick mud and reluctantly rinsing it off in the creek, the beauty of wild animals and how even just their sounds would stop me in my tracks.

***

In 2014, my mom moved us again. By then, my dad had bought a house in Springfield, and we had been driving four hours every other weekend to see him for four years. The driving continued as we started new schools in Naperville, IL. Naperville is complicated for me. It was a happy medium of my two very different worlds. It’s a city of nearly 150,000 with many dog-friendly parks, forest preserves, bike trails, ponds, and geese. It also had a real downtown that contained not one, but two Starbucks and had blocks filled with designer stores like Lululemon, Pandora, and Anthropologie. Once I had my license, it was easy to be more concerned with getting a frappuccino after school than riding my bike through the park. I could also now drive myself to either of two train stations that after seven dollars and 50 minutes had me in the heart of the third largest city in the country.

The high school I attended is ranked in the top 20 in the state of Illinois, having some of the best administrators, teachers, and fine arts directors available. It was a rich area equating to ample funding for the district to be able to provide these things to us. I was lucky to live here. Not just lucky--privileged.

This high school allowed me to fill in my own gaps of knowledge. After taking a history class that taught me the beginnings of all the world's religions, I met a girl that actually practiced Buddhism. And a girl who practiced Hinduism. And another girl who spoke Tamil. A boy who spoke fluent Chinese. I was a tutor for a group of English Language Learning who came specifically here from all over the world. I attended the first ever Women's March in Chicago and reported on the March for Our Lives for my school newspaper. By senior year, I had so much in my college portfolio from leadership positions, to volunteer work, to experiences with diversity that I got into Emerson College in Boston and one of the only undergraduate publishing programs in the country.

I don’t say all of this to brag. I say it because it’s amazing to me how different my life would have been if my mom had not made the choices she did, moving us across the state, leaving behind everything she had ever known.

***

The last time I was at Turkey Run, I was learning how to drive. I like to say I first learned to drive on our bright orange lawn tractor, sitting on my dad’s lap at age ten, barely in control of the steering wheel as my dad’s rough and calloused hands engulfed mine, making sure we didn’t crash. We moved before I got to try using the gas pedal. Eventually, I got my permit and had to figure out how to drive a real car with no one's hands to hold the steering wheel but my own.

We were driving back from visiting my uncle in Viginia when we decided to stop at Turkey Run. He had bought a farm out there--one with a house my grandma moved into shortly after its purchase. We figured the park was kind of on the way back, it would break up our 16 hour drive and let us see a place we hadn’t been in years.

After pulling through the gates, my mom and I switched seats, and I could go wherever I wanted within the park grounds. I remember it was bright out and unusually warm for the season, the sun making me sweat through the windshield. Slowly, I pushed on the gas, and we creeped along the dusty road. There was a fork, left bringing us to the inn, and right bringing us to the horse barn. Without much thought I turned right. We quickly passed the horses, all of us rubbernecking to stare at their sleek brown coats shimmering in the afternoon sun. I had never been past this barn though, and so my curiosity took me to where the road soon turned into uneven dirt, right as the shade from the trees swallowed us into their secret wonderland. After driving through the trees for a while, we reached a loop, my mom explaining to me that this is where the campgrounds used to be. This is where she and her brother, her mom and her dad, would set up tents and look up at the stars. I felt a pang deep in my stomach as I gazed out at the dirt patches in the grass and rotted wooden poles that marked each site. We had always stayed at the inn.

***

When I’m missing my childhood blackberry bushes and large expanse of grass, when I’m regretting the money and time I spent at Starbucks, when I’m sometimes wishing that I had never been brought to the city, I imagine my mom riding in the back of her parents car without a seatbelt on, looking out the window as the curved road turns straight. After passing the gates and reaching the fork in the road, I see her watching the lights of the inn fade away as they drive down to the campground.

It is then I remember all my mom has ever been trying to do is give us a life she never had, a life she dreamed of. And I thank her for it.

Acknowledgements

I would like to first thank Professor Kovaleski Byrnes for giving me this call to write. I’m not sure I ever would have attempted memoir if not for this assignment, and I am so grateful that she presented me with the task. I would next like to thank Kayla and Diti for being amazing peer reviewers and encouraging me throughout the whole revision process; your comments and support was more helpful than you know. I would lastly like to thank my mother. She is an incredibly strong woman who would do anything for her children, and I can’t thank her enough for all she has done for me.

#family #moving #childhood #turkey run #audrey iocca #stretch2019

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stilloursongliveson-blog · 7 years

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Beast’s Answers

ASK ME THINGS 1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Hello baby ;)

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? all the good things

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? eh..i'd be worried for sure. but I'd try to be understanding, depending on reasons

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? yes

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? sober. i'm never drunk lol

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? I don't think it's that I messed up, that just weren't into me

7. What does your last received text say? Thank you <3

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? quite a lot as of now ;)

9. Where was your last kiss at? outside your dorm, before I got in the taxi

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? don't have one

11. What do you drink in the morning? depends. usually just water in the morning

12. Where did you sleep last night? my bed.. :/

13. Do you think relationships are hard? yes..the ones worth fighting for are

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Nope

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? absolutely not :D

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? rainy usually...depends on my mood kinda. but I love rainy days

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Nope, I know people who have it as a first name

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? boxers

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? Absolutely :)

20. Does anyone like you? well..I hope so ;)

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? No

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? hahahah sooooo much

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? my brother and sister in law

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? yes, many times

25. In the past week have you cried? ughhh yessss

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? I have no idea what kind it was...it looked like a mix between poodle and pomaranian

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? I stand in the shower for a bit, then mostly dry outside

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? no lol

29. Do you think you’re old? ugh yes XD #oldbull

30. Do you like text messaging? only with bae

31. What type of day are you having? meh, yucky but relaxing but just blah

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? eh no, I don't think i'd like it

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? depends..kinda in the middle..more cold

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? not really anymore

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? relationship <3

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? hmm. I'd like to think i'm pretty chill and simple...but I know I'm pretty complicated.

37. What song are you listening to? none at the moment

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? of course, I pretty much always mean what I say

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? yes :)

40. What made you start liking the person you like now? she just said hey, that's all really

41. When did you last receive a text message? just now

42. What is wrong with you right now? I can't stop coughing

43. How well do you know the last female you texted? pretttyyyyy well by now

44. Does anyone disgust you? donald trump. my brother. pretty much

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? nopeeee, taken for life

46. Are you in a good mood right now? I wouldn't say it's really good or bad..it's just like blah

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? my mom

48. What color shirt are you wearing? navy and red striped

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? not really

50. Anyone you’re giving up on? not at all

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? nope..never, absolutely in love with her

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? eh kind of..but usually if I thought about it that much, I pretty much did give up on them..but those were some extreme cases. It'd take a lot for me to give up on anyone

53. Do you like rain? absolutely

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? nah, you do you boo boo

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? most the time..if I reallllyy liked someone, I'd end up telling them or otherwise just make it completely obvious

56. Do you like to cuddle? absolutely..mostly only with the cats and bae

57. Are you shy? sometimes

58. Do you get along with girls? for sure. i get along with mostly anyone

59. Have you dated the person you texted last? more than dated :)

60. What do you carry with you at all times? my phone and wallet, most the time headphones and keys as well

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? done!!! that'd be scary but fun and worth it haha

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? absolutely..much longer than taht

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? no, I think it ended a little before then

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? for sure :)

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? soooooo much cuteness

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? almost 20, 27, and 22

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? probably just do them myself

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? hmm I love both..it depends. I guess zebra

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? no

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Luke Bryan :D <3

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? android

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? longggg time ago. Dominos is life

73. Do you like diet soda? hate it ew

74. What color are the walls in your room? just white

75. Are you 16 or older? yep

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? nah

77. Do you have a job? not currently

78. What are your initials? S.D.T.

79. Did you ever have braces? no

80. Are you from the south? yes ..technically. I never think of florida as being "From the south" lol idk

81. What does your last status on facebook say? asking about jobs in the area

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? no

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? it differs from time to time but overall I guess my dad

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? gymnastics when i was really young

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? Beauty and the Beast :D

86. Do you smoke? not really, I mean I wouldnt say i'm a smoker. I just have a cigarette maybe 3 times a year..and usually I don't even smoke it..i just light it and breathe it in

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? ew neither but I guess if I have to pick, flip flops

88. Is your phone touch screen? yes

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? usually just naturally..it's in between

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? um not really. I mean I used to always take walks really late at night, starting in early highschool but I don't really consider that sneaking out

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? oooo all sound fun, I love swimming. Lakes are fun for sure. Pools are nice...eh just anywhere lol

92. Have you ever made out in a car? yep

93. …Had sex in a car? not really. I mean i've fooled around but not really had sex

94. Are you single or in a relationship? in a relationship :)

95. What were you doing last night at midnight? sleeping I believe

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? a month or so ago when I was at Disney at Epcot

97. Do you like the camera on your phone? it's okay, but could be a lot better

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? not really

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? nope

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? kinda...well, one person

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? not really lol there was this weird paranoid situation that happened once...but it literally was impossible that I could be pregnant, I was just young and stupid XD

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: ugh I love a lot of them. Proabably Blow or Your Love is my Drug...or Tik Tok..haha

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? ya. more like burn lines lol

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? eh not really my style. I guess if it was for some kind of event or something

#beast #beasts answers #the beast #surveys #random survey #questions

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officialvalbarnes · 8 years

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December Favorites 2016

Wow. This is it. I can’t believe December is over and 2017 is here. 2017 IS A THING GUYS. I remember when 2017 was looked at as something that was super far away and would be a time where we would live like the Jetsons. We still don’t live like the Jetsons. Talk about a total let down. Who remembers that show?! I used to watch it all the time on Boomerang. But seriously guys, where has time gone honestly?! I hope that you all had an amazing Christmas and have a Happy New Year! I’m excited about all things in store for the blog and me personally in 2017. I have a feeling it’s going to be a super, awesome year!

Today, I’m going to be sharing my December Favorites 2016 with you guys. I know it’s kind of late. Well, not kind of late it’s just late. I was contemplating on whether I was going to do one or not because I wasn’t sure if I had enough stuff to share with you guys. December has just been a busy month for me. Honestly from October till about...now like early/mid-January, I’ve been busy. As I mentioned in my last post, I recently got a puppy. Between her, school work, school extracurriculars (I’m heavily involved in school clubs), etc life has been super cray cray lately. I decided that I still wanted to share my December Favorites with you guys. As usual, these are the things I really liked more than other things in December.

Favorite Food of the Month

1. La Croix Curate Muré Pepino (Blackberry and Cucumber) Sparkling Water

Now I know you are probably thinking, “Valencia, why in the heck are you drinking a COLD drink during the WINTER?” I honestly have nothing to say but BABY I LIKE IT (Enrique Iglesias anyone?)

Those who know me know that if I’m in the mood for a cold drink regardless of the time of year, I will order it without any regrets whatsoever. #DontHateMeCanYouAintMe. You guys should already know that I’m always in the mood for a sparkling beverage. Haha! I recently came across this drink at the grocery store and I was intrigued by it because I would have never thought of combining these two things. Blackberry and Cucumber? Like why? For some reason, it just works and I don’t question it anymore. I definitely recommend trying it because it’s SO good!

2. Sunbutter Cookies

I actually made these cookies and gave them out as presents to some people this past Christmas. They were a hit! They are simple to make and taste very similar to peanut butter cookies but obviously without the peanut butter. You guys HAVE to make these cookies. Nuff said.

3. Bigelow Decaffeinated Green Tea

I’ve been drinking this tea a whole lot this month to help me with my allergies. I’ve talked about the regular green tea from Bigelow on the blog before, but this time I got the decaf one. I got the decaf one so that if I want to drink a cup before I go to bed, I’m not up all night because of caffeine in green tea you know? I notice that sometimes when I drink regular green tea before bed, I can’t seem to go to sleep immediately. It takes me a hot minute to ease into it. Is it just me that experiences this? Hopefully, someone understands where I’m coming from or this just turned a little awk. Anyway, you gotta try this green tea. If you love green tea, try this because you’ll love this. If you never had green tea, try this. If you don’t like green tea, well....still try it because not all green tea is created equal. I’ve tasted some not so good green tea. When I had the real, good stuff I loved it.

4. Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Coconut Milk Blend

This is my go-to milk, especially for baking. We were attached at the hip this holiday season. You could say we are BFFs. I just really love this blend. I live a low sugar lifestyle, so this milk blend hits the spot since it is unsweetened. This is such a great milk substitute for those who are dairy-free like me. My food allergies prevent me from having many things, but I’m happy that this is one of the things I can have without having to have Benadryl in my back pocket. Haha, but seriously. #FoodAllergyProbz.

Favorite Book of the Month

5. Holding Up the Universe by Jennifer Niven

I haven’t really had the time to just sit down and read a book like I’ve been wanting to do. If you read my last post, I briefly talked about me getting a puppy. I got a puppy as an early birthday present from my mom and I’m super excited about her. Anyway, during Christmas break I was able to have a little bit more time to do some reading. I started to read the book Holding Up the Universe by Jennifer Niven. I’ve been reading it on my Kindle and so far I’ve been liking it. Fingers crossed that I can actually finish this book before I post my January Favorites so I can give you guys my full opinion on the book.

6. The Community Table: Recipes & Stories from the Jewish Community Center in Manhattan & Beyond

I’ve always loved being surrounded by and learning about different people from different backgrounds and different walks of life. That’s just me. I feel like I get that from my mom because she grew up in a diverse community and had friends from different backgrounds. You learn so much about other cultures. I actually find it very fascinating. My cookbook collection definitely represents my fondness of learning about different cultures. I have books from Chinese cooking, kid-friendly and clean eating to vegetarianism as well as food allergen-friendly. I received this book as a birthday gift from my mom and I was excited about getting it. It has classic recipes like Challah, Latkes, etc in the book and it also has a variety of recipes for all types of eaters. Whether you are a pescatarian, you eat meat, you are meatless or whatever, you’ll find some recipes to make. This book has such a great selection of recipes that are great for family gatherings and celebrations. You should definitely check this book out.

Favorite Fashion of the Month

7. Cozy Socks

I got some cozy socks from Old Navy and they are the best thing ever. They are thebomb.com. I get cold really easily especially during the winter so I wear the cozy socks to bed, even though they somehow end up not on my feet by the time I wake up in the morning. Then when I try to find them, I can’t or it takes a good amount of time. Yeaaah. Does that happen to anyone else? No? Just me? Great.

Favorite TV of the Month

8. Star on FOX

It’s created by the same guy who did Empire, Lee Daniels, and it’s about three girls forming a music group in Atlanta. I wasn’t sure if I was going to like this show since it’s a musical and I’m not one to gravitate towards musical tv shows, but it’s actually not a bad show. It’s pretty good actually. It has Lenny Kravitz and Queen Latifah in it. I’ve had the pleasure of working with Ms. Queen Latifah on a project before and she’s such a down to earth person. If you are into musical tv shows, you might want to check out this show. It comes on Wednesdays I believe at 9PM on Fox.

Favorite Movie of the Month

9. Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

I’ve never really been into the whole “Harry Potter world” stuff. Not really my thing. However, when I saw the commercials for Fantastic Beasts I was intrigued and I didn’t expect to be (my recent trip to Harry Potter World probably sold me on going to see this movie). If you didn’t know, Fantastic Beasts is set 70 years before Harry Potter. I was surprised that I liked this movie. The CGI of this movie is SO good and so is the filming style of the movie! I’m not gonna lie, the movie was a little slow at first. BUT I know that it went very slow because they were trying to set up the story line and I appreciated that. Once they were done setting up the story and the pacing of the movie picked up, I really liked the movie.

Favorite Music of the Month

10. Hallejuah by Pentatonix

I have three words for you. OH MY GOODNESS. Pentatonix’s rendition of Hallejuah is absolutely beautiful and just amazing. As a group, their vocals work so well together and I’m just really impressed by their work. I heard this song on the radio and have had it on repeat since then. I also saw their holiday special they had on NBC and I thought that it was good. If you haven’t listened to this song, you just have to and also watch the music video. I love the simplicity of the video. It allows you to just focus on the talent. From Avi’s bass to Kevin’s beatboxing. You just have to check out the song and the group in general.

Those were my December Favorites 2016. I hope you all enjoyed my December Favorites 2016. If you did, be sure to give this post a like and subscribe to join the Vegaholics fam. It’s a pretty good time here. What were some of your faves from December? Also, do you have any New Years resolutions? Tell me in the comments below. I hope that you guys are having a great day & I’ll see you in my next post. Bye :)

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