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rpmemesbyarat · 2 years

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Today is a rant about what deconstruction means, and what it DOESN’T mean. Deconstruction DOESN’T mean making a “dark version” of a trope. It means, in the context of media tropes, to play out whatever trope is in question in the most realistic way possible, and showcase what results. Those results usually are darker or at least more serious than the trope is usually played, but just hurling a bunch of grimdark into a lighter setting doesn’t make it a deconstruction, just dark. Let’s use an example. A common fantasy trope is the hero, despite having grown up a commoner, ascending to the throne by the end of the book. Sometimes it’s because he accomplishes some task that, while impressive, really has nothing to do with how fit he is to be king. Sometimes he marries a princess, usually the one he rescued. Sometimes he finds out he was actually of royal descent all along and is the true heir to the throne. However it happened, a young man of no noble background ---and thus, no training in politics or understanding of how things work in court---is now running things. What happens next? The assumption at the end of these stories is that everything will go perfectly right because he’s a good guy. A deconstruction, however, would examine the number of things that could realistically go wrong in putting someone with no experience or understanding of politics on the throne. For instance, heroes are typically quite sympathetic towards the peasantry. He’s probably going to immediately lower taxes or perhaps do away with taxes on the poor altogether, and began spending from the royal treasury to help build them homes, feed them, pay their medical bills, etc. And if the kingdom is rich enough, this might not be a problem. But there’s a reason for taxes, and it wasn’t just making the king’s wallet fat. See, there’s a common misconception that a king could just say “do this” and it would be done Because He Is King. That’s not actually true. Soldiers need to be paid (and fed) in order for there to be a standing army (not to mention maintaining the horses, making and repairing weapons and armor, etc), civil servants need to be paid to do their jobs, and the people who are going to build those houses for the poor and grow food for them and tend to their medical needs are all also going to need to be paid. Kings who say “just do this because I say so for no payment” tend not to last. So, our young hero decides, let’s tax the rich more! Tax those snotty stuck-up nobles, they have too much money anyway! And you know what, he’s probably right. Believe me guys, I am all for taxing the rich to support the poor, this is not a rant against THAT. But it is an examination of the realistic consequences for what happens if our hero does that, which is that the nobles start getting pissed at him. And a lot can go wrong for a king when that happens, and the skills that were useful for him as a hero can’t really help with it. Yes, he may be able to swing his sword if they try an assassination, but what does he do if they merely withdraw their support? Remember, in the European feudal system (which these sorts of fantasies tend to be based on) nobles made it possible for the king to control the amount of land and people that he did. Each noble operated a particular portion of the kingdom, overseeing and governing it, in exchange for the power the nobles got over the local population. Nobles pledged their loyalty to the king and fought for him because he gave them these privileges; if the king begins to take these privileges and control away, their loyalty may be retracted in kind. Kings also frequently needed to borrow money from nobles for various reasons---maintaining an army was a common one---and could even go into debt to them, causing more problems. He OWES these guys now! And if he doesn’t keep them happy, they’re not going to be inclined to let him borrow from them again, which could be very dangerous if a war starts. . .which it just might, if neighboring countries start getting wind of all this. And that’s just ONE issue. What about him simply not knowing how things work, how laws are passed, who’s in charge of what, and basic court etiquette? How about knowing how to negotiate with foreign dignitaries or settle domestic disputes? How about--- The point of this work, if it were a book or a show, shouldn’t be “the feudal system was right actually, tax those peasants” or “nobodies should never become kings because they don’t know how to do it” it should be “let’s look at what realistic difficulties someone would face in this situation instead of just assuming everything would go swimmingly because our hero is a good guy, and how he navigates those difficulties” and making a story out of that. And probably a very interesting story! It is certainly more serious and down to the earth than the typical “happily ever after” but that doesn’t mean it’s a downer either, just a more thorough exploration of how someone could actually change the system from inside, and how there’s more to it than just getting the “right guy” in charge. Whereas if you just made it “dark” it would probably be that he’s either murdered immediately by his political rivals, or effortlessly manipulated by his courtiers into being a worse tyrant than the previous king, or becomes a worse tyrant by his own choice because he gets high on his own power. Which, yes, all COULD happen, but they don’t HAVE to in order to be a deconstruction, and to be honest, I think the first example is a better story---our hero keeps his good goals and good intentions, but is now in a situation where all the heroic skills that got him here are pretty much useless, and he has to learn how to make a difference here without also getting deposed, because if he’s kicked off the throne everything will go back to the status quo. It becomes a very fine line to walk, and a very interesting read, more so (in my opinion) than ‘everything is perfect’ OR ‘everything is terrible’. It’s a whole new kind of adventure! And it CAN have a happy ending if you want, even if it’s not a perfect “now everything is fixed forever” one. Maybe he manages some changes that pave the way for more in future generations, eventually leading to the abolishment of the monarchy and peerage and a whole new system that, while also not without its flaws, is more fair. Again, many deconstructions ARE dark, because examining the realistic implications of something often does lead darker or at least less idealistic places. But just injecting a load of murder and violence and cynicism into a work doesn’t make it a deconstruction. It just makes it dark. Which, is fine too, if that’s what you intended. Dark fairytales, for instance, are very in-vogue and there’s a lot of great ones out there. Just, darkness alone does not make a deconstruction, so if that’s what you’re intending to do, you’re going to need to think less in terms of “how can I make this GRIM and GRITTY” and more “ok, how would this actually play out, realistically speaking?” and going from there. Here’s some more fantasy deconstruction ideas! - How well do Sleeping Beauty or Snow White actually get along with their new husband, whom they literally never met before they woke up locking lips with him? And why was his first inclination to kiss a seemingly dead girl? - The dragon plaguing the village has been slain! Only, removing an apex predator from an ecosystem tends to have big consequences. Like maybe the deer population that the dragon was eating in addition to livestock and maidens is now out of control, and eating the crops. So the villagers kill them, but now the wolf population, which had also increased due to having more deer to eat, are left hungry, and the livestock starts looking pretty good to them too. So they kill the wolves, and round and round things go. . . - In a lot of fantasy, all dwarves are miners. That’s all they do. Dig dig dig for gold and jewels, no dwarf does anything else ever. Ok. Where does the food come from, then, since they don’t hunt or farm? Maybe they’re bartering for it with the gold and jewels they mine. Ok. So who’s cooking it? Well, maybe they pay someone who isn’t a dwarf to do that. And who makes their clothing and where do they get the materials for it? Maybe it’s the same answer, they pay someone. Maybe the reason that it seems all they do is mine ISN’T because every single member of this sentient species is exactly the same and has the same passions and talents, but because the rocky mountain tunnels that are their natural habitat is not conducive to growing or finding food to eat, or growing the fibers needed to make clothes, etc, so they’ve evolved a society that is largely reliant on bartering with other cultures for what they need, and in order to keep that going so they aren’t forced to leave their ancestral home, they NEED to keep mining the gold and jewels that others value, they’re NOT just obsessively greedy because that’s Just How They Are. This idea is not dark and cynical, but it IS still a deconstruction; it takes a commonly accepted trope, asks “why?” and “how would this actually work though?”, and then comes up with realistic answers! As a bonus, this fleshes out the worldbuilding, AND helps avoid some Unfortunate Implications that tend to come with painting fantasy races as monolithic in their culture and mentality (all dwarves are miners, all elves are artsy nature-lovers, all orcs are warrior brutes, etc) Also HERE is a video about deconstruction, both what it is and isn’t, using anime examples!

#writeblr #writing tip #writing tips #writing advice #deconstruction

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deusluxuria · 3 years

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johnny how does spine???

( warning: medical stuff )

( Don't be ableist or go "ew" or "oh no that is so sad that he's disabled" I'll eat you. )

For fanfiction info and whatever.

This info is subjective and not a matter of "you have to perceive Johnny this exact way." It's just a lil guide or starting point that might be helpful if you want to know more about Johnny's most-likely type of paraplegia.

There are a number of factors going on effecting the variables when it comes to gunshot wounds, spinal injury, and paralysis. So I'm gonna simplify it and get into basic stuff that doesn't require having a PhD or knowing firearm ballistics and all that.

(That being said, when it comes to writing about the experience of ableism, you need to be talking to disabled people and reading about their experiences. Remember that disabled people are a marginalized group.)

There's only so much we can figure out canonically. Spine injuries vary a lot, and then there are inconsistencies with Johnny's disability throughout the story. Araki likes to "not sweat the small stuff" (in his own words).

I like to just stick to the information we have in the beginning, since we get the most from there.

These are two excerpts from one of the first few chapters of the manga, showing approximately where in the spine Johnny was injured (just about above elbow level).

And here's a diagram showing the spinal column, and about what "above the elbow" means for Johnny's bodily functions. The T9 vertebrae is the closest to where that might be, so it can be assumed that Johnny's spine is effected from there-downward. Again, this varies depending on the person and multiple factors of the injury.

Digestive:

Johnny has no bowel control (which means it's a given he also has no urinary control). And according to how other characters say he has no sensation below the waist, either that's true or he has very minimal sensation.

Johnny is rich, so he can pay his medical bills. And his main dilemma in the story is that he's got a toxic self-ableist ego, so he probably would have gone for the prosthetic route, with colostomy surgery & catheters. As opposed to a bowel program or using diapers / other receptacles. Prosthetics also make more sense in context, since he's in a horse race and being chased by violent assholes, and so he wouldn't be able to visit a doctor or look after his hygiene just whenever.

A colostomy involves a hole (aka "stoma") being surgically made directly to the colon from the abdomen. A removable colostomy bag (aka "stoma bag") is attached to the hole, and is used as a receptacle for fecal matter to be emptied into automatically.

[ID: simple diagram showing the structure of colostomy surgery, & the location of the stoma & where the colostomy bag hangs. /end ID] [ID: simple stock photo showing a person slightly lifting up their shirt to show their colostomy bag, which is opaque, white flesh-tone color, & about the size of a large adult's winter mitten. /end ID]

This can make bowel movements easier for some paralyzed people as opposed to diapers or bowel programs, because emptying into a colostomy bag requires a lot less muscle function, is easier to change and clean, and needs less prep before bathing, showering, exercise, sex, sleep, etc.

Similarly, a catheter bypasses some of the distance and muscle control needed for urinating. A small, thin tube is inserted into the urethra and guided to the bladder. Urine automatically empties from the bladder, through the tube, and into a drainage bag, which is kept strapped to the person's thigh or calf, or secured to their wheelchair or underneath their bed.

[ID: simple diagram showing the structure of a catheter & thigh drainage bag, as well as what the extension to an overnight drainage bag might look like. /end ID] [ID: simple stock photo of an opaque white drainage bag cover, strapping the bag to the person's thigh. /end ID]

If someone uses a diaper, they'd simply change it whenever it's used, or otherwise whenever they're able to.

Because Johnny rides horses and does various dangerous, strenuous things in SBR, if using prosthetics, he might have his colostomy bag secured to his torso in some way (such as tying a piece of fabric around his torso). He might also have more padding to these prosthetics to protect them from being punctured, or worse, ripped out.

When he was shot, the bullet also may have perforated his intestines (along with his gallbladder and a kidney), which would have made a colostomy procedure necessary anyway. When he's shown in the hospital, he has a cloth wrapped around his pelvis, and acknowledges in distress that he's lost bowel and/or bladder control. So we can guess that his intestines are at least mostly intact.

[ID: Part of a panel from the Steel Ball Run manga, showing Johnny from the waist-down, in a hospital bed with a white cloth folded around his pelvis and bandages around his abdomen. /end ID]

Pain:

Johnny has the right idea about strapping his ankles up next to his saddle. People without paralysis tend not to realize just how heavy the human body is. With no muscle control in his legs, they would be way too heavy, and his back would be injured if he were to just let his legs dangle, especially while riding on horseback at high speeds. That would most definitely break his legs.

One thing about a transition between having muscle control and then being paralyzed is that previously non-paralyzed people might not understand right away that their paralyzed body parts still need to be taken care of. Even if those parts don't feel pain.

Johnny would likely have back, neck, and shoulder pain after being paralyzed, at least for a while. At least until he re-learns how to take care of his body from the waist down. Treating his legs like dead weight would put strain on the rest of his skeleton.

[ID: A panel from one of the first few chapters of Steel Ball Run. Johnny from the side, showing how he has changed the structure of his horse saddle and has his ankles strapped to his sides, so he's seated on his horse in a kneeling position. /end ID]

Sexual:

It's possible to experience orgasm with paralysis. There are types of non-genital orgasms, and then, strong or prolonged, repetitive stimulation to the errogenous zones of sensationless genitals can still cause orgasm that's felt from the waist-up (paralyzed folks may find the use of strong vibrators to be especially beneficial). Prostate stimulation may also be significantly more effective than genital stimulation.

Some people also have increased sensitivity from the waist-up if they're paralyzed from the waist-down (i.e. Johnny would feel notably more pain when injured, say, on his arm, than Gyro would).

A person can also have phantom sensations and experience pleasure & arousal from visual stimuli alone.

Sex with paralysis might need extra lubricant, since natural biological lubrication can be less prevalent with pelvic paralysis.

The way sexual stimulation feels to a paralyzed person is likely impossible for a non-paralyzed person to imagine. And it of course depends on the person and the unique way of how they experience sex in general.

Going by Johnny's personality, mainly with his loss of self-confidence, after his injury, he would likely only have sex with someone whom he trusts very deeply.

Reproductive:

With a uterus and viable ovaries, it's just as possible to get pregnant with pelvic paralysis as it is without. There can also still be pain during childbirth.

Viable testicles are a different story. It's very difficult to get someone pregnant when the person with testicles has pelvic paralysis. There would need to be help from a doctor. In context, Steel Ball Run doesn't stick to historical accuracy. But if it were, there's no way disability services around 1890 were existent enough for people with testicles to have medical help conceiving children when paralyzed at the pelvis.

If George is the biological child of both Johnny and Rina, it would make more logical and historical sense if Johnny had a uterus and was the one who gave birth to George, alongside Rina having testicles and being the one who impregnated Johnny. But that all depends on your headcanons, like what I said at the beginning of the post.

thank you for tuning in to "how johnny spine does" or something, goodnight lol

#long post #i cut it down a lot already but dhsjhdjshd #johnny joestar #steel ball run #disability tag #headcanon #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #ableism /#medical /

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the--social--anarchist · 5 years

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Study Tips for Chronically Ill Students

Most bloggers aren’t writing for the chronically ill audience. Typical tips, tricks and hacks on productivity, motivation and studying just don’t work for us. As a chronically ill student who’s in her last year of undergrad (yay!) I decided to share what I have learned over the (many) years.

1. Get comfortable. Seriously. Don’t force yourself to sit at your desk, or go out to a coffee shop to study. Most people will tell you not to lay in bed while you read your books but if you are anything like me, getting ready and driving to the library or Starbucks just takes too much energy. I recommend making yourself a nice set up with everything you need. If you can tolerate sitting at a desk don’t skimp out. Buy yourself a decent, ergonomic office or gaming chair. Make sure you have a drink, a snack, your medication, charges, books, and anything else you need within arms reach. The less you have to get up the more energy you are saving.

2. Take frequent breaks. Okay, this may sound contradictory to tip #1 but hear me out. Everyone person is different, every body is different, and every day is different. Some days your symptoms are just so bad you need to get comfortable and try not to move. But other days you might be fighting brain fog and mental exhaustion. So get up, or even just stop and sit for a minute to rest your mind. Some days I will stop every few sections and get up to do something small like apply a face mask, go back to studying, and then get up in 15 minutes to wash it off etc. Just find what works for you.

3. Write shit down. Write everything down. And write it in multiple places. Again, brain fog is such a bitch, but writing things down multiple times in multiple places will help you remember. I have a paper calendar that I write all my assignment due dates, doctors appointments, and other important things onto, but I also have an assignment check list with all of my upcoming assignments in my notebook. Also, I keep a huge running list titled Never Ending List of Shit To Do with boring chores and tasks that need to be done like doctors to call, bills to pay, letters to mail etc; and I use that list to pick and choose what I’m going to do each day and fill that out on a sticky note or another small insert that serves as my daily to do list.

4. Establish a routine. But don’t be discouraged if you can’t follow it to a T and don’t be afraid to change it up. My routine changes a lot because my symptoms and body are constantly changing too. Also, it’s important to note that a routine is not the same as a schedule. This is important for those of us with chronic illness because its just not feasible to assume we will be able to get up at the same time every day, eat lunch at the same time every day, and study for the same amount of time every day.

5. Stay (way) ahead of schedule. You never know what life is going to throw at you, especially when you are chronically ill. Unfortunately, we can’t plan our flares, but we can prepare for them. If you know you suffer from migraines that will knock you out of commission for 3 days then make sure you are always 3 days ahead of schedule. Something I highly recommend is doing a little bit every day, even if its only 20 minutes of reading. Of course, sometimes we need a break and that’s okay too! Self care is important!

6. Online classes are the best. So many people say online classes are hard because you have to be super disciplined, and that it’s easier to have the accountability to show up to class, but I highly disagree. Online classes give you the freedom to read when you want, listen to lectures when you want, sleep when you need to, and stay comfortable in bed when it would be impossible to get to class. I work solely online and if it weren’t for the option of online classes I would not be in college right now or anytime in the near future.

7. Audio is your friend. Honestly, this is a tip for everyone in high school or college out there. Sometimes we are too tired or in too much pain to stare at a book or screen, or sometimes we need to utilize our energy wisely and multitask by listening while we clean the house. And this isn’t limited to audio text books. There are so many YouTube videos, podcasts, documentaries and more that you can easily just pop on while you are resting or doing chores! I listen to my lectures while I do my nails every week.

8. Don’t rewrite your notes. Don’t write them at all if you can avoid it. Almost all of my professors supply chapter outlines or summaries that I can just print off and fill in extra notes on. If you do need to write your notes I suggest typing them, or only writing them out once, and only what is most important. Whatever you do, don’t rewrite them, and for the love of god do not waste your time trying to make them look like an Instagram photo. Ain’t nobody got spoons for that.

9. Try to balance your course load appropriately. If you are taking a full course load try to even out the number of upper division classes you take with some easy classes, as well as some boring and some interesting. Alternatively, don’t be afraid to drop classes and go down to part time, even if just for one semester. I have tried to stay full time all year round since I re-enrolled in school fall semester of 2017, but spring of 2019 my health took a drastic decline and I did drop down from 5 classes to 3. I also took summer of 2019 off to focus on my health and came back this semester (fall 2019) ready to rock and roll. Seriously, do not be afraid to drop classes. It felt like the end of the world when I did it, but it was absolutely the right choice for me. It saved my GPA and my sanity.

10. Talk to your professor. And your university, and your classmates, and your adviser, and anyone else around you who can offer resources and support. Every university and college has a Disability Services Coordinator Student Center available to request accommodations. The information to contact the center should be listed on your syllabus and the school website. They can help with everything and anything disability related. And if you feel comfortable you should really talk to your professor. Just give them a heads up and inform them of what’s going on. As for your classmates, its always good to connect and find a study buddy or someone you can borrow notes from whether you have a disability or not!

I really hope this list can help some fellow chronically ill students out there. This is what I have learned in my 5+ years of attending college with various chronic and mental illnesses. I truly live by everything I talked about in this post and I have been fairly successful in my academic career. Please re-blog this post to help a fellow student who may have a chronic illness or disability! Happy studying!

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villainever · 5 years

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Killing Eve + making worlds and workplaces for women

killing eve very frequently – and obviously quite rightly – gets discussed as a feminist screen text, but i feel like we often talk about the individual characters, how fantastic they clearly are, and how flawed/developed/multifacted/interesting they’ve grown to be. but another thing killing eve does phenomenally well is subvert power structures and institutions, and populate them with women in a way we rarely see. for example, in season 1, eve’s MI5 office is unusually gender-balanced for television (it’s her, elena, bill and frank), and when carolyn is introduced, she’s immediately painted as almost an urban legend – elena raves about how incredible she is and how much she’d love to work with her, and we’re positioned to view her with intrigue and awe. this “mysterious, unreadable, probably damaged but definitely utterly competent and slightly amoral” character would typically go to a man – probably a slightly misogynistic one who’d gradually form a “grudging respect” for the women on his new team, as the women act as a device to coax him into the New Modern World and soothe his trauma. but carolyn gives this archetype an internal makeover and new vitality, and neatly sidesteps stereotyping: she’s not a “bitchy boss”; she never yells, or insults; she’s at times eerily calm, and methodically works her way through problems. this is especially poignant when we think of male characters who rail against female leaders for being “too emotional”, and proceed to spend half the movie throwing tamper-tantrums. at the same time, though, she doesn’t feel emotionless to prove a point, or simply to be the stoic; we get a very real sense of her pragmatism and cold war-conditioning, and the interlocking mechanisms of her many layers. carolyn’s character (both her writing and shaw’s acting) are totally genius, but the main point im trying to raise here is that the parts of Mentor and Career Aspiration are inhabited by a woman, and 60yo woman going full-speed at that – not someone who’s barely 39 but treated as basically a retiree.

next, we’ve got carolyn’s boss, played by zoe wanamaker in 2x04. yes, she’s not in the show for long – although she may make a reappearance? not sure – but her value is more symbolic than anything. in her scene, we get the impression of her power (she gets to make carolyn wait :o), and while she’s also a severe older woman, she’s very much distinct from carolyn in personality, which is pretty unique; often, writers will prescribe bulk-identities to all their minor characters who fall into certain groups, out of a mix of laziness and ignorance. anyway, wanamaker’s helen is shown eating (another rant-worthy point is how the frequency and ease with which killing eve’s women are portrayed as actually eating food is tragically radical), and she lashes out at carolyn before soothing herself easily once again – she’s capricious and less reserved and measured than carolyn, but equally potent. we also get a strong vibe of a long and complex working relationship between these two, effortlessly implied by the writing and performance and even if we never double-back to it, it colours how we view carolyn and the system that i’ll (eventually) get around to making my argument about.

lastly, there’s julie, who plays the medical examiner in 2x01, and conducts the exhumation autopsy on allistair peel. she comes across as professional, capable, no-nonsense, but also warm and gallows-funny, hugging carolyn and sympathetic to eve’s slightly strange reaction to the corpse. like helen, she’s not in the show long, but it’s more her relevance as a symbol i want to discuss.

so what am i getting to by going on about carolyn and these relatively minor characters? well, i want to talk about how killing eve establishes for itself something of an ‘old girls’ club’. an ‘old boys’ club’ is the network of connections that form between (generally upperclass) men who went to the same schools or worked in the same companies, who get each other opportunities in a pay-it-forward kind of way throughout life; it’s one of the many ways that sites of privilege are maintained as sites of privilege. but with these older female characters, who all know and support each other, give each other second chances or off-the-books help, killing eve constructs its own version. through these interactions, we have the sense that carolyn is a part of a group of women across the government who ensure certain things happen at certain times for certain people.

even outside this senior boss ladies network, we have elena, eve and jess, who support and challenge and contradict each other – all successful women with different skillsets, trajectories, relationships, etc., and none of whom are white. not only does this show pass the bechdel test in under three minutes, but that conversation is between two women of colour. one of the many things i love about killing eve is that while it acknowledges (and even leverages) the disadvantages that marginalised groups face – e.g. villanelle is able to exploit conforming to the western ideals of femininity to lure men into a false sense of security; the ghost is able to pass through places unnoticed, etc. – it never makes that the core of the narrative. it isn’t focused on reinforcing these systemic barriers over and over, which is something a lot of shows do when they’re trying to be progressive, and all they end up doing is reminding us of the setbacks we face and how it’ll be a long, arduous struggle to improve things. instead, killing eve gives a nod to this sexist, racist, homophobic reality, but sidelines it, the way minorities are so often sidelined. rather than make all eve’s bosses and colleagues men “for the realism”, it throws a few male characters in there and then focuses on the women (look how much screentime kenny and hugo get compared to jess, another first-tier secondary character). it reimagines the chain of command as belonging to women, it takes power and allocates it how it sees fit. i adore this, because if someone said to the writers, “umm… i feel like there should be more men in charge… that’s just how it is…”, their response would probably be, “so what?” it wants to spend time with complex women in complex situations, so it just puts them there; there’s no spinning of the wheels to justify how so many women got to these high-ranking jobs in an institution designed to keep them in the lobby. it certainly never pretends women don’t have to cater to men and their sensibilities (take carolyn comforting frank in season 1), but it doesn’t get caught in ‘liberal’-dude-writer “look at these (skinny/pretty/fantasy-fulfillment) women push through the system and affect change from behind the scenes by showing their cleavage to *trick* men into doing what they want ;) girlpower, ladies”. it lets women BE the scene, unapologetically, without feeling pressed to explain or defend or negotiate by stuffing an equal number of male characters in. we get konstantin and aaron peel and various ambassadors or clerks who are men, but these are all characters on the outside looking in. killing eve isn’t arranging women as spaced out and in competition with each other; aside from villanelle, they’re all on the same side (and villanelle’s temporarily teamed up with them anyway), and they work together, while still being allowed internal tensions and clear relationships. i originally just intended to talk about how killing eve built us an old girls’ club, but i had More Thoughts, so that’s why this essay doesn’t stay totally on-thesis from here on, even though it is all about women and their positions in the narrative/workplace. another note – these women, for the most part, aren’t there to be love interests. we obviously have eve/villanelle, but they both have their own fully-developed characters, plus, their love interests are each other, not men. we have carolyn, but her affairs don’t control her storyline; they flit in and out, and are of far more signifiance to the men than to her – she’s an older woman who controls her sexuality, but doesn’t have any interest in letting it overtake her work (and we don’t have that ridiculous “uptight bitch learns to put relationship with basic bro above her lifelong career dream”). we have gemma, but while her narrative function is to give niko a final straw to leave, and to push eve further, she has agency in her arc; SHE is the one who pursues niko, and she does this in a respectable and understandable way. she’s not the “sexy temptress” who “lures” him away, and nor is she an “innocent” that he actively chases.

also, NONE of the women have their qualifications questioned. there is no “is carolyn experienced enough to have so much free reign?”, no “how did eve get to MI5?”. the way we’re always told to with male characters, the show expects us to accept that they’re fit for their roles. this is highlighted when eve kind of stumbles into being an authority on female assassins. she doesn’t have a phd in psych or anything, but she clearly has an affinity in her area, and she VERY quickly learns to own that. the first time carolyn calls her their resident expert, eve is a bit surprised, but then she’s just like, “huh, guess i am”, and runs with that confidence. these women are all tough, but they don’t have to dig out their own spaces. theyve got them, and the audience isn’t gently directed into wondering whether they actually should. we KNOW they should. unsurprisingly, considering much of killing eve is written/overseen by women, but this isn’t done for Woke Points. there’s no constant self-conscious grandstanding about how many women are in the series. the actors and writers talk about it in press, because theyre EXCITED, theyre THRILLED to finally have this, but that comes from a genuine place of joy to be involved in such a project, rather than a hapless grab for viewers. the female characters aren’t half-baked stocking-stuffers to net the 18-35W. theyre Actual Characters. bottom line is, isn’t it so nice? isn’t it so lovely to be watching something, and have women be in the foreground AND the background? to not have to smurfette effect, the “one of the main characters is a girl, can’t you just shut up now? smh so greedy”? to have minor female characters not as sexy set-dressing or rivals or “ew she’s ugly here’s what we don’t want our protagonist to be hahah amirite lads”? we get to see ourselves over and over, in so many different iterations. killing eve’s women aren’t just “empowered”, they HAVE POWER. they are in positions where they can use that power for good or bad or both, but they have sway and influence and we don’t have to watch a 22yo ingenue assimilate to a 98% male workplace. female characters in killing eve are REAL and PRESENT and we have an entire textured world that isn’t just modern, it’s extra-modern. we have our cake and eat it too: there are women throughout the workplace hierarchy but we still get a critique of how men manipulate the game, and both are managed expertly to ensure we get the social commentary AND get to enjoy the experience of watching women be intelligent and morally grey and sophisticated and manipulative and and AND. in conclusion, i will no longer be accepting applications from media that doesn’t have women in their cast because it “isnt realistic”. killing eve is tearing it up out there, and it’s almost overwhelmingly relieving to get to experience media like this.

*btw, im not trying to imply there are no women actually working at MI5. im sure there are many, but this is more a commentary on media interpretations (james bond, etc.), and the male dominated government landscape in general.

#killing eve #ke #killing eve s2 #killing eve season 2 #villainever #mine #villainever writes #villanelle #eve polastri #carolyn martens #ke analysis #villaneve #villanevest writes

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unpack-my-heart · 5 years

Text

Above, Beneath, Betwixt, Between

@violetreddie @constantreaderfool @tinyarmedtrex @xandertheundead @mrs-vh @eds-trashmouth @annoyingtozier @burymestanding

Read on AO3 HERE

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Dear Stan The Reanimating Man,

Howzzit. My name is Richard Wentworth Tozier The First, and I’m being haunted.

Well, haunted is a strong word. There’s a guy that lives in (deads in?) my house who insists he died in the 1940s. I can’t touch him, and he walks through my walls when I’m in the shower and last night he burnt all my food when he floated through the table. Burnt broccoli is no laughing matter, Stanley. So I’m inclined to believe him.

Now, your website has confused me somewhat. Are you a wizard? Do you use a wand? Or are you some sort of reverse exorcist? It says that you’re a ‘corporeal reanimator’ but that just makes me think of Victor Frankenstein and we all know how that went down. I’m getting distracted.

I need your help.

Can you come and visit me and Eds? Eds is the ghost, the dead dude, the broccoli burner etc etc. I’ll tell him about you. I’ll pay for your transport, of course.

I’ve attached my contact details, so please do ring me or reply to this email ASA fuckin’ P.

Anxiously awaiting your response,

Richie

Stan sat back in his comfy office chair and sighed.

A wizard.

Stanley Uris was many things, but a wizard he was not. He was perfectly clear on the website, and had provided a lengthy FAQ that went to great lengths to explain what corporeal reanimation was, and why it should not be confused with magic, witchcraft or necromancy. He was not a necromancer. He was a scientist. A man of rationality, of logic and mathematical precision, and he just so happened to be able to reanimate the dead.

He tapped out a short reply, and hit send, and before opening google to check flight times to Scotland.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Dear Richard Tozier,

I’m not a wizard. Please click here to re-read my FAQs. I am a corporeal reanimator. I can manipulate energy, I don’t have a wand, and I don’t know any spells.

I have booked a flight to Scotland that lands next Wednesday at 21:00 (9pm). You can pick me up from Edinburgh International Airport. I’ll be staying with you. I am a vegetarian.

Dr. Stan Uris.

– X –

When Richie had shown Eddie the reply from Stan Uris, he’d expected Eddie to be elated. He hadn’t expected Eddie to immediately disappear through the floorboards.

“Eds! You know I hate it when you do that,” Richie yelled, charging down the stairs into the kitchen where Eddie was pacing back and forth, hands clasped behind his back.

“We don’t know anything about this man, Richie. We don’t know who he is or what his motivations are or what he might …”

“What he might what?”

“What he might do to me,” Eddie finished in a whisper, staring at Richie with eyes as wide as dinner plates.

Richie opened and closed his mouth, failing to find the right words, the words that would reassure Eddie that he wouldn’t let anything happen to him, that he wouldn’t let a wizard zap him into the great beyond without their consent, that he’d fight tooth and nail to keep Eddie right there, with him, in their little house on the moors.

Because that’s what it was, really. Their house. The walking through the walls, the singing jaunty songs at three in the morning when he was trying to sleep, ad the way the ceiling lights would flicker violently when Eddie descended through the floorboards, maybe Richie had grown used to it. Maybe he’d laugh until his stomach hurt when Eddie pretended to get stuck half way through a wall, waving his limbs pitifully. Maybe his heart would beat erratically when he’d slip the oven mitts onto Eddie’s hands and make a show of pulling him out of the wall, and maybe his breath would catch in his throat when Eddie faux-swooned, batting his eyelashes and simpering, “my hero, Rich,” before laughing, high and bright and infectious. Maybe, in the dead of night, Richie would watch Eddie from his bedroom window as he walked around the moors, as he shone in the dark like a star. A mass of burning rock that Richie had grown … used to. Maybe.

He’d never say as much, though.

“Rich?”

Richie blinked.

Eddie was still waiting for a response.

“I won’t let him hurt you,” Richie said, “I won’t. I won’t let him take you away”

“Do you promise?” Eddie replied, mousey-small and honeyvoiced.

“I promise, Eds. So long as there’s breath in my lungs and blood in my veins I won’t let him take you away from me”

– X –

Stan’s plane was late. Richie had been waiting in the arrivals lounge of Edinburgh International Airport for over an hour now. Mike was waiting in his truck, Mr. Chips curled up on the passenger seat, BBC Radio 4 filtering out of the speaker, a picture of perfect calm. Richie was not calm, having convinced himself thirty minutes ago that sending a stranger several hundreds of pounds over PayPal under the guise of transporting them over an ocean to help him with his ghost problem was reckless at best and downright idiotic as worst.

Fifteen more minutes pass, and Richie was seconds away from turning around and giving up when a man with a mass of curly hair and large, thin rimmed glasses appeared in front of him.

“Richard?”

“Holy shit you came”

The man smiled, a sly quirk of the lips.

“I did. Are you ready to go?”

Richie grinned, “Fuck yeah, now, lemme tell you about my Eds --”

– X –

The drive from Edinburgh to Skye was long, over five hours, but Richie found himself silent for most of it. Banished to the back seat of Mike’s truck at the first rest-stop after Stan complained of feeling car sick, his many attempts to join in the animated conversation between Stan and Mike had failed miserably.

“Yoo’v got a PhD? Are ye a medical doctor or…?”

“My PhD was in plasma physics, so I’d be useless in any emergency that didn’t involve electromagnets”

“So yer a smart one, then?”

“I suppose so”

Mike and Stan continue to chatter, the conversation ebbing and flowing effortlessly. A torturous four hours later and they’d arrived back at Richie’s little house. Richie hopped out of the truck, knees buckling immediately under the weight of his leaden bones. The lights in the house were on, and Richie could see a lacquered shadow pacing back and forth in the kitchen window.

“He’s in,” Richie muttered, gesturing towards the window.

Stan and Mike glanced towards the kitchen, but predictably, Eddie had disappeared. Richie suppressed a groan.

“Have you met him?” Stan asked Mike as he walked back to the truck, swinging the back door open and hauling his duffle bag towards him.

“Nae, I haven’t. I have – I’ve met other ghosts though, other … people”

“Oh?”

“My parents died in a house fire years ago. Ah still see my maw walkin’ around sometimes”

Richie, growing increasingly impatient, cut Stan off before he could reply.

“Maybe we could discuss Mike’s tragic history later? Do you want me to go into the house and see if I can get Eddie to agree to show himself?”

Stan was silent for several moments, pulling various small electronic devices out of his bag.

“No, I’ll go. I want to ask him something,” Stan said, tucking a small black box into the back pocket of his jeans. He held his hand out to Richie, gesturing at the house keys clutched in his hands.

“Are you sure? He’s quite flighty. I really think I should –”

“Richie. It’s fine, I’m not going to hurt him, I just want to talk,” Stan reassured, voice soft but eyes firm, confident.

Richie hesitated, but gave Stan the keys nevertheless.

“If I hear him yelling, I’m gonna come runnin’, though, just a warning”

Stan said nothing, just walked purposefully to the door of the house, opened it, and shut it behind him.

– X –

When Stan had first walked through the door into the house, he’d been prepared to have to stomp right back out again. Most of the people who called him out were frauds, or had particularly noisy water pipes. He’d give them the number of a particularly good plumber, and bill them for wasting his time.

The house was still. Too still.

“Edward?”

Silence.

“Edward, my name is Stan. I’m here to help you. Your friend Richie called me, can you come out?”

Still nothing.

“Okay, Edward. I’m going to turn off all the lights now, is that okay?”

Silence, but then a click, and the lights in the house all flicked off at once. Stan shut the fuse cupboard, and stepped into the centre of the room. The small black box in his back pocket started vibrating violently, letting off a high-pitched hum.

“You can call me Eddie, if you want”

Stan span on his heels, and there he was, as if he’d always been there. A man, around Stan’s height, maybe smaller, dressed in a khaki uniform.

“Eddie?”

“Richie said you wouldn’t hurt me but I don’t think I trust you”

“I know. You don’t have to trust me yet, but I need to ask you a favour. Can you hold this?”

Stan plucked the black box from his pocket and held it out to Eddie, who stared at it.

“What is it?”

“It’s an energy converter. I want to see what type of energy you are, it’ll help me better understand how to help you”

“What type of … energy? What does that mean?” Eddie asked, taking several cautious steps towards Stan.

“Have you ever heard the theory that energy cannot be created or destroyed?”

Eddie shook his head.

“Basically, all living things are infused with energy,” Stan continued, still holding out the black box, “and when living things die, the energy doesn’t just disappear. Sometimes it seeps into the ground and helps trees and plants to grow, sometimes it evaporates into the sky and causes electrical storms and sometimes it gets stuck”

“Is that me? Am I stuck?”

Stan nodded his head.

“You’re stuck, or, your energy is stuck, and the longer you’ve been stuck, the stronger your electrical current has become. What you are now is basically just a big ball of pure energy, and this energy can represent itself in reality as various different types depending on the context”

As he was talking, Stan felt Eddie take the black box out of his hands.

“Good, so in a few moments we should –“

– X –

A few seconds after Stan disappeared into the house, all of the lights in the house turned off at once.

“Are you soft on him?” Mike asked, breaking the silence.

“Soft on Stan? Naw,” Richie replied, knowing that that wasn’t what Mike was asking, but choosing to avoid the question nevertheless.

“Not him. Eddie. Are you soft on him?”

“He’s a ghost”

“That’s not what I asked”

“He’s dead”

“That’s not what I asked”

Richie slumped against Mike’s truck, leaning his head back on the passenger side window.

“I guess I might be just a little soft on him”

“Stan might be able to help ye. He’s smart, he’ll figure it out”

A ball of pure white light shot out of the open living room window, careening into the sky before bursting into a shock of blue flame, disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. Richie screamed, slamming a hand over his mouth.

“Eddie!”

Richie and Mike ran towards the house, and started pounding on the locked door with clenched fists.

“EDDIE!” Richie roared again, debating throwing a rock through the kitchen window and throwing himself through it, broken glass be damned. As soon as he’d found a reasonable sized rock, however, the door swung open.

Stan was standing on the other side of the door, a wry smile on his face, and behind him, wringing his hands, stood Eddie.

Mike, unfazed, stuck out his hand, “nice ta’ finally meet ye, Eddie”

Richie slapped at his arm, “he can’t touch you, dumbass”

“I was jist tryin’ tae be polite, he looks like he might boak”

Stan waved his hand, as if to catch their bickering in his hands. Mike and Richie fell silent, expectant.

“I know how to help you”

– X –

It takes Stan five attempts to explain to Richie what he’d already explained to Eddie.

“So he’s just … energy?”

“Yes, Richie”

“So … he could like, power my TV?”

“No… it’s not that kind of energy,” Stan said, exasperated, before picking Richie’s phone up off the table.

“Look, if I pan the camera over you and Mike, you both look entirely normal, yes?”

Mike waved at the camera, and Richie pouted.

“You look lovely,” Stan deadpanned, before panning the camera over to where Eddie was hovering in the corner of the room, “and when I pan it over to him,”

The phone screeched, a shimmery metallic sound, and the same pure white light that had erupted out of the living room window filled the screen.

“In some ways, Eddie is light energy. Here, his energy is made up of photons. He is pure light energy, but if you touch him,” Stan stood up, and walked purposefully through Eddie’s body. Eddie shrieked, and disappeared through the wall.

Stan held up his arm, and motioned to Richie, “touch my arm.”

Richie did.

“Jesus fuck that’s hot”

“Yup. That’s thermal energy. When you touch Eddie, or when he touches you, it burns because his energy vibrates your living particles much more than they normally vibrate, so it generates heat”

“I wish I’d paid attention in physics at school,” Richie muttered, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically, “well, what’s your big grand plan to bring Eddie back to the world of the flesh?”

“I’m going to turn Eddie’s energy back into matter. Have you heard of the equation E equals MC squared?”

“Uh … was that that dude with the moustache?”

“Yes, it was the dude with the moustache. Well, I’ll be using that equation and putting Eddie’s energy through a process that is sort of like the reverse of a nuclear bomb. In his current state, he’s like an exploding nuclear bomb in stasis, so I need to reverse that process.”

At that, a very panicked looking Eddie flies through the wall.

“I’m … I’m a bomb? Could I hurt someone?”

“No, no you’re quite stable, I just need to –” Stan tries, holding his hands up as if to calm Eddie, but it doesn’t work.

Eddie starts pacing around the room, muttering to himself, and it’s then that Richie remembers when Eddie died.

“Eddie, can I talk to you in the kitchen?” Richie asks, not waiting for a response, already half way to the kitchen. Eddie follows wordlessly.

Richie shuts the door behind him, and Eddie floats through the wall.

“Richie, Rich, I don’t want to hurt you, maybe I should leave, maybe I should go out onto the moors, away from everything, away from you, I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want –”

“Eddie!” Richie cut him off, and thrust the oven mitts at a very forlorn looking Eddie.

“You’re not going to hurt me, you could never hurt me. You could never,” Richie said, sincerity dripping from his words like honey. He grabbed at Eddie’s oven-mitted hands, clasping them between his own, and wished for the thousandth time that there was nothing separating them.

Eddie blinked, eyes dry, face perfect, hair perfect.

“Please let us help you,” Richie pleased, “please let me help you”

“Okay,” Eddie whispered, and together, still joined at the hands, they walked back into the living room.

#reddie #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak #ghost au #above beneath betwixt between #ao3 #thefutureisbright

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xellandria · 4 years

Text

tw: death

My father died sometime last night. My mom woke me up at around 4:20 (blaze it?), after she found him, ran around in a panic for a bit (her words), and called 911. I’d only gone to sleep a couple hours earlier, and neither of us had checked on him until then (he went to bed much earlier than the two of us ever do) so it’s hard to say when it would have happened; we might learn more later, or we might not. I’m not actually sure how much more information we’ll get—or want, really—when whatever examination happens happens, or if there will be an examination/autopsy/whatever. All I know about that kind of thing comes from media, and it’s always convenient for media to have an autopsy.

About nine months ago, he was out on a hike and slid down some scree and hurt his back in some way. Prior to the whole pandemic, he’d been going through all sorts of various treatments and tests to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it, but he’d been in pain for a while. Supposedly it was at least getting a little better with time—mom says he hadn’t taken his pain meds for the last fifteen days or so—but it was definitely there, and he hadn’t been exercising much (if at all) as a result, and gained a lot of weight from the inactivity.

About a week ago, he started coughing and having trouble breathing, and apparently was having issues sleeping as well. He called his doctor about it yesterday, and they had him go get tested for Covid. The results for that won’t be back til Mondayish, but it’s sort of a moot point now, I suppose. Well, partly moot—if he tested positive, mom and I definitely have to be a lot more nitpicky about our own health. We’ve not been going out except as absolutely necessary, but I can’t help thinking that we did go to Walmart and Costco on the 16th and while he was wearing a mask of some sort on that trip, his mask procedure was not the best and that was about a week ago. That’d be a little fast for Covid symptoms I think, but maybe?

I don’t know. I wasn’t hearing much about it (we’ve been on different tracks for the past week so I haven’t seen much of him) but when we were talking to various relatives about an hour ago, mom seemed to imply that it was a lot of trouble breathing—which makes me ask why he didn’t do something about it if it was really that bad, but that’s not something I can or should ask at this point; I can’t ask him and giving her more to agonize about or regret is absolutely pointless (I still beat myself up on bad days for not being sterner about getting Emmett to a vet when I knew he wasn’t fully right, and he died like five or six years ago at this point; I absolutely do not want to inflict that kind of thing on my mother about her husband, for god’s sake, and I didn’t push harder for my own health and safety when I was having heart issues last year until I finally caved and went to the ER; I could have made that trip a lot sooner too instead of fucking around with my doctor half-ignoring me and limply running tests for six months).

Because it’s just me and mom out here on this coast, we’re probably not going to have a funeral. Things would probably be different if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic (his sisters might want something, I don’t think we thought to ask), but they can’t come out here and we can’t go over there and neither of us really want to deal with it. She knew his preferences (at least for disposal—he wanted to be cremated) so we’ve got that under control, at least.

I’m sure it’s partly shock, but I definitely feel guilty as hell that I’m glad that the pandemic is giving us a good excuse to not have a funeral. Maybe he would have wanted one? I don’t know. I know my own preferences (only if my survivors need it for themselves; I don’t believe in ghosts or anything like that, but the idea of death and corpses and such spooks me something awful and funerals and burials and such are obviously the worst for that) and mom was the one who said no when I asked her if she wanted one (though maybe I should ask again when we’re both less shocky). If the dead do exist beyond death in some capacity, I hope he understands that it’s not that we don’t love him... but that’s a lot of money and time and mental energy for a lot of pomp and circumstance that doesn’t make... well, I was going to say “doesn’t make anybody feel better” but someone must get comfort from that kind of thing, even if I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone who has.

There’s a lot of unknowns right now. Dad was the one who handled all the household finances and I know he never went over it all with me, and I got the impression that he and mom never got around to it either (though we both mentioned that it was something we’d been thinking about, it’s obviously too late now). Mom’s worried about the taxes, and what bills are on auto-pay and all that, and it’s going to be a nightmare to go through his computer and phone and make sure all that stuff is handled... but that’s not today’s worry. I mean, I almost wish it was—it’d give me something to do now that we’re done talking to the EMTs and the police and the people from the funeral home and calling the relatives (and before I work up the nerve to call his old work friend, who is the only other person I can think of that deserves to know), but it’s also not something to walk into with two hours of sleep and a broad-but-vague understanding of how to access the data, but not what to do with it.

I haven’t cried yet, and I feel guilty about that too (though again, I’m putting it down to shock). Cat death/injury is so triggering to me that I burst into tears nearly at the mention/thought of it, but my own father is gone and I’m just sitting at my computer, typing out a lengthy essay about how I want to consider myself a piece of shit for it, but I know it’s all part of the process, etc. etc. I remember when my parents woke me up to tell me my maternal grandmother had died, I definitely cried then (and was angry) so I know it’s possible for me to feel things, or was at one point. I’m sure the depression isn’t helping (and the fact that I think my med dosage may not be good enough anymore).

I’m sort of glad for the pandemic too, for the social distancing and masks that all the strangers that came to our home at 4-6am were wearing because I haven’t taken a shower in a couple days and I am disgusting and unshaved, but hopefully they didn’t notice. At least they didn’t comment on it in my hearing, so I can maybe hopefully pretend.

Anyway. I’m currently distracting myself by writing this out, but there’s not much more I want to say at this point. I’ve posted out of my guild’s raids indefinitely for the moment (it was the first thing I did after I got out of bed while we were waiting for the EMT, and the second was tweet about it; my priorities are so fucked, y’all). I don’t really know whether I’ll be able to stay on top of D&D—it’s only once a week, it’s a much smaller group of people who are much less likely to make some sort of unthinking or triggering remark (frankly, the idea of listening to my guild leader and some of the non-raiders talk about their jobs as doctors/upcoming medical practitioners is absolutely not what I need in my life right now, and I can’t tell 19+ other people to watch every word that comes out of their mouths or from their fingers above and beyond the guild rules because it might make the baby cry (or tilt her off the face of the earth)... but I can probably get away with asking only four other people to do that) and it’s not like we’re doing much where there might be schedule conflicts. I’m gonna have to tell them for sure (well, Naha knows cos he follows me on twitter, and Kattii might cos she also follows me but I’m not sure if she keeps up with her timeline, but I don’t think the others do). I should definitely not isolate myself entirely—I don’t know a lot right now, but I know that’s a real bad idea no matter how depressed I was before this happened—so I may keep the D&D up.

I’m not sure if I should go to the Sunday Jaina runs or not, since I won’t really be part of the prog team and shouldn’t take mounts out of the mouths of people who will actually be around. I already felt kinda guilty about going to last week’s when I’d posted out of raid for mental health reasons (and had missed the week before’s entirely for same). I dunno. I’ve got a day and change to think about that one, and what I want to do with myself.

Oh, and M+ is a thing too isn’t it, fuck me. I dunno. If I do Jaina and I do D&D, I should probably at least do the M+ too; it’s only one or two runs a week even if it has been stressful because we’ve been scrambling for a filler every week for a few months now (Intol’s been wrapped up in the whole pandemic thing on his side of life, and none of us have had the time or energy to find a consistent/reliable filler until he’s ready to come back). At least I have a good excuse to not be the one scrambling for that weekly filler anymore, eh? lol :T That’s also a small group size so that should be all right. Jaina will be touchy for the larger group size reason too actually, now that I think about it (although I can probably get away with not being on discord for most of the run).

I dunno. I’m rambling now, and now I’m also rambling at Naha in DMs so maybe I should stop rambling in at least one location.

#xellafail #tw: death #just in case you needed a second trigger warning #god today's a day and it's only been five hours #actually five hours is a lot more than I thought it was gonna be #so there's that I guess lol

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

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Biden does not have the nomination yet. It is not yet a matter of “a vote for Biden is a vote against Trump, anything else is a vote for Trump.”

And until it is, until either Sanders or Biden has all the delegates they need, peoples’ criticisms of Biden are absolutely relevant. And even should Biden GET the nomination, c’mon guys, there is STILL room to be aware of everything Biden IS and everything about him that needs OPPOSING, even WHILE still opposing Trump. This is not counter-intuitive....if you are against most of what Trump has done, because it is WRONG rather than it is just Trump who did it, and did it in obvious ways, then this is vital, I’d argue, because Biden isn’t going to address a lot of it once in the White House unless people DO keep in mind what is and isn’t likely to still be an issue in a Biden presidency.

This isn’t divisive, this is NECESSARY. If you can’t find a way to hold both truths in your mind: “Trump absolutely needs to be ousted, and opposed, and his works undone,” as well as “Biden has a long history of doing harm in his various seats, and he is the lesser of two evils ONLY in some respects and its important to know what those are because evil is still evil”....that’s something to WORK on, not just “Biden or bust.”

And to be clear, I’m not advocating for “Bernie or bust” either. I’m simply saying: This is all more complicated than accusing people of having brain worms for thinking “Guy who won’t expand health care as much” is the same as “Guy who is killing people.”

Let me be perfectly, 100% clear: If Biden gets the nomination, if it comes down to him or Trump, I am voting for Biden, hands down. But I will be doing so not thinking that Biden is in any way a more moral choice, but because I think the true danger of Trump is in him serving these past years as a rallying point for all the most vocal white supremacist and homophobic and misogynistic elements within our society, allowing them to feel emboldened and having no shame about expressing their hate openly. I think the true danger of Trump’s presidency is how little of it is actually Trump doing anything other than acting as a magnet that draws all focus and trains all eyes on him, even as his cabinet stocked to over-flowing with white-supremacists, antisemitic, homophobic and transphobic and eugenics-advocating assholes go about ACTIVELY advancing agendas of hate behind him while he serves as the catch-all for all opposition.

That absolutely needs to be opposed, and defeated, but fuck this self-defeating nonsense that this means the work will be OVER the second Trump is gone, whenever and however that happens. And I think for as much as people accuse some of us of doing the enemy’s work for them by sowing division and dividing our efforts and how this is doomed to be self-sabotaging and backfire on all of us, I think the same is true of saying things like the only real drawback to Biden is ‘doesn’t want to expand Health Care as much as Sanders whereas he’s otherwise not remotely comparable to Guy Who Is Killing People.”

Because BOTH ARE SELF-DEFEATING. Both set up only ONE THING as a goal or a focus that needs tackling and carries the implicit “and then we can rest” instead of holding up as a goal or focus that both need defeating or plenty of people are still going to die, as they’ve been dying all along.

If you’re going to go with the Devil You Know because he’s also the Lesser Evil of the two Devils You Know....

You still need to know who he is, and who he is is not just guy who won’t expand health care as much and claiming him to be such and nothing more is DANGEROUS.

Vote for Biden if it comes down to him and Trump, yes! But do so in a way that will let you get right back to work opposing all the shit HE prioritizes and stands for, every bit as much as you claim to oppose all the same with Trump!

Stop treating this as an impossible ask. It is not as simple as evil or not evil. It is as simple as making the choice that ensures most people survive....and then from there, actually ensuring that means that the most people survive.

Which can only happen when you keep in mind how Biden will still be dangerous even once Trump is gone, and who will still need protection from him and his administration and policies, even once Trump’s are gone....and especially because there are a number of those policies that Biden, based on his own policies of the past, is not likely to prioritize or even be helpful in getting dismantled.

Any posts responding to this with anything remotely on the lines of “you’re encouraging people not to vote for Biden and thus helping Trump win” will be ignored the same way they ignore that THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS POST IS, OR SAYS, OR WANTS. I am not responsible for your inability to read what this post actually says, or your unwillingness to hold two not actually opposing viewpoints and priorities in your head at the same time. I am being as clear as I possibly can be on what I will be doing if Biden is the nominee, and why, and how none of that makes Biden’s worst flaws or history irrelevant or a distraction from Trump.

First off:

“Won’t expand healthcare that much” IS actively letting people die. GoFundMe’s biggest usage is trying to raise money for people whose health care isn’t keeping them alive and most of those goals are never actually met, and that’s literally killing people.

Please be cognizant of what kind of people are most being killed this way. Ones who have the most trouble MEETING (often) impossible goals. The most marginalized members of society.

If anyone is still framing the health care issue in their own heads as a matter of whether or not they can always pay for their own medical expenses, or will always be able to, please understand this disregards the many people who flat out can’t, and die every day as a result. Homeless people, people kicked out of their homes for being gay or trans or neurodivergent, not having access to quality health care for those reasons or turned away by the specialists they desperately need because the specialists’ only concerns are they can’t afford to pay. Ex-cons who are largely barred access to jobs with good medical benefits, and are largely barred access to the goodwill of random internet strangers willing to shell out some money of their own for their gofundme campaigns. And so on, and so on.

Absolutely the camps and detention facilities are a huge ongoing issue, but its a huge ongoing issue MOST being talked about throughout these entire past four years by a lot of the exact same leftists being accused of taking focus away from the very issues they are doing the most to highlight.

Now onto Biden specifically:

Are Biden’s positions on everything identical to Trump? No, but for starters, Biden wrote the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act, responsible for building more prisons, increasing prison sentences, deploying more cops, and increasing and furthering the exploitation of prison labor, etc.

He’s long been a major proponent of capital punishment, directly leading to the creation of over 60 new capital offenses including murder of federal law enforcement officers. And oh yeah, Biden also voted against limiting appeals and rejecting racial statistics in death penalty appeals.....which would be great if the vast majority of the new death penalty offenses he had a hand in creating - like the murder of police - haven’t been massively disproportionate in who they end up targeting and who ends up charged with and convicted of them:

Like carjackings, acts of terrorism (just hardly ever acts of domestic terrorism aka the mass shootings of white supremacists, antisemites and disgruntled white guys), and the many drug-related offenses that stem from him being known for decades as a ‘drug warrior’ behind many leading efforts in the war on drugs.

Such as how in the 80s he was the head of the Senate Committee responsible for passing most of the most punitive measures against drug users, during the crack epidemic that was largely created to target and make scapegoats of lower class drug users and PoC, whom were at the time denoted as statistically more likely to use crack cocaine than powder cocaine....

And given that Biden himself sponsored and co-wrote the Anti-Drug Abuse Act which specifically and deliberately laid out hugely harsher penalties for crack cocaine use than were received for being convicted of using power cocaine.....aka a particular favorite past-time of rich white guys (including politicians and political staffers)....all during and throughout the crack epidemic Biden and his cohorts happily whipped up public moral outrage about....

This directly makes him and his political career an inciting element in the huge disparities in prison populations, all stemming from this drug warrior’s leading role in a war on drugs he helped get underway and become what it eventually became in the first place. (Please keep in mind he was famously critical of REAGAN for not being strongly enough anti-drug, as well as George H. W. Bush.)

Granted, Biden admitted his role in crafting and enforcing legislation that led to such huge disparities, at least by the time he was asked about such things in the debates of the 2007 Democratic primaries.

But to my knowledge, to this day he has yet to ever similarly walk back his role in things like oh, the Comprehensive Forfeiture Act in 1983. Which directly empowered and has steadily more and more further increased the power of drug enforcement agencies to seize assets of even just those charged with anything from drug possession to intent to distribute. Which in turn, almost always directly affects the ability of defendants to pay for their own defense instead of being limited to the representation of overworked and underpaid public defenders. Not to mention limits their ability to repeatedly avail themselves to the unlimited appeals Biden nominally has always been in favor for.

Or there’s the Illicit Drug Anti-Proliferation Bill which was a bit of shady shitmanship that squeezed through thanks to being attached to an unvetted, unrelated and super fucking vague child protection bill that has often been criticized as overreaching in scope. And this IDAP Bill, despite its superficially stated intentions, has historically most often been used by DEA agents as an intimidation tactic wielded against drug-reform protestors at rallies and other such events.

Biden might never have openly had his support base chanting Build the Wall, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t vote for the Secure Fence Act of 2006, which partially funded the construction of 700 miles of fencing along the Mexican border.

And his stance for over ten years about whether he’d allow sanctuary cities to ignore federal law has been a clear and concise NO, which y’know, given that’s kinda the whole point of sanctuary cities....and given that sanctuary cities have been absolutely CRUCIAL to even attempting to stave off the worst of Trump’s anti-immigration efforts, travel bans, etc.....this may not make him worse than Trump, but I fail to see that particular stance helping all that much even after Trump is gone.

Because Biden might not have put the same efforts into motion as Trump has, had he been the one in office, but I do not for a second believe he will in ANY way make reversing or undoing some of them his priority. All of that is just as likely to be an uphill battle in a Biden presidency. His track record speaks to itself as to how much he’s likely to make anything like abolishing ICE or getting rid of the detention facilities his first order of business - or even second, third, or even tenth....UNLESS PEOPLE FORCE HIM TO MAKE IT THAT, INSTEAD OF JUST TRUSTING THAT HE WILL BECAUSE HE’S NOT TRUMP.

The caveat I have here is that Biden and his inner circle and support base are unlikely to ever be that visibly resistant to repealing Trump’s anti-immigration efforts, or that visibly in favor of what’s happened there, and he isn’t going to campaign on a platform of overt racism.....but that’s kinda the point. He’s never needed to, in order to still do a huge amount of damage to an untold number of lives over the decades, all while being able to claim to be nominally or superficially progressive and use that to advance his own career.

Trump doesn’t care about hiding his racism....and Biden doesn’t try all that hard to either. But he’s always known he doesn’t really have to try all that hard....just to hide it just enough to claim it isn’t there and its nothing worth anyone worrying about or pushing back against. Plausible deniability - made all the easier and all the more plausible by having someone like Trump to point to and know just by doing so people will breathe a sigh of relief because whew, at least he’s not Trump. Not that this is likely a huge comfort to the people killed long before now, due to his prison policies, capital offense expansion, and war on drugs that happen to not be the right kind of drugs, or being snorted in the right form of those drugs, or snorted by the right people.

And putting a face and a claim to things that absolutely none of his actual efforts back up or are even aimed in the same direction as....this is something that extends to pretty much everything else about him.

Yeah, he reversed his stance on voting for DADT and DOMA in years prior, when as Vice President he said he was totally fine with the idea of men marrying men and women marrying women and each enjoying all the same benefits and civil rights and liberties as anyone else. Course, that doesn’t actually reverse how he voted, nor did he actually have anything to do with striking down the results of his and others’ votes as unconstitutional.

And yeah, Biden drafted the Violence Against Women Act, which he’s famously called the most significant piece of legislation he’s crafted throughout his political career and the one he’s most proud of, citing it as the beginning of a ‘historic commitment to women and children victimized by domestic violence and sexual assault.’ Not that it helped Anita Hill that much, nor that he ever seemed all that interested in helping, believing or supporting her, despite whatever he may have claimed a couple years ago at the start of the #MeToo movement or around the Kavanaugh proceedings, when he stated he’d always believed Anita Hill and voted against Clarence Thomas.

(With Thomas of course still a member of the Supreme Court, alongside Kavanaugh now, thanks to Trump. And Thomas still being famously considered one of its most conservative justices. And still someone whose appointment to the Court might not ever have happened had not Biden - the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee overseeing Thomas’ nomination to the court - made the choice to never call forward four female witnesses who’d been waiting in the wings the whole time to testify on Hill’s behalf and speak to her credibility. With this decision of Biden’s only ever being described as the result of a ‘private, compromise deal between Republicans and then-Judiciary Committee Chair Joe Biden,’ after which all four other women’s testimony was deemed irrelevant, and thus a waste of the court’s time.

And sure, Biden as of just last year supports repealing the Hyde Amendment, that he’s only supported since as far back as ‘76. The Hyde Amendment, of course, blocks federal funding from being used to pay for an abortion except in the specific provision of an abortion being needed to save the woman’s life, or when the pregnancy is the result of incest or rape. Of course, even through all those decades that Biden did support the Hyde Amendment, he pretty famously never felt it went far enough, and thought it shouldn’t include a provision allowing for federal funds to be used to pay for an abortion that stemmed from incest or rape. But that doesn’t speak to his personality or priorities either, obviously, since he took it back (while preparing to hopefully run against pussy-grabbing Trump).

And Biden’s not as interested in giving billionaires tax cuts as Trump is, for instance, since he was always against even George W. Bush’s tax cuts for Americans who made more than one million dollars a year. He was always of the belief that this money should then be put in a dedicated Homeland Security and Public Safety Trust Fund, to invest specifically in increased law enforcement. Joey does love him some cops.

And Biden’s not quite as likely to go to war compared to how often Trump seems to have us poised on the brink of it. Biden only favored sending American troops to Darfur, is a self-described Zionist who has defended various acts of aggression by the Israeli army against Palestinians, and was of the opinion that the biggest problem with our involvement in the Syrian Civil War was that Europe didn’t trust we had a plan there.

Of course, much like with numerous other stances, its not like there’s not plenty to point to as proof Biden’s invested in keeping us out of any international conflicts. For instance, he’s been a longterm advocate for ‘hard-headed diplomacy’ against Iran that included pushing for coordinated international sanctions against them...except then he voted against a measure to declare the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps a terrorist organization, said war with Iran wouldn’t just be a mistake, it’d be a disaster, and threatened to personally begin impeachment proceedings against George W. Bush if he attempted to start a war with Iran. This was in December of 2007. Course, then in September 2008, he said that the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps was a terrorist organization and that the Bush administration already had the power and right to declare them as such, soooo......hmm.

And Biden did vote against the first Gulf War in 1990. Then supported the use of force against Iraq in 1998 and expressed a commitment to taking down Hussein, even if it meant being in it for the long haul....which as Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in 2002, he ratified by voting to authorize war against Iraq, going on record as firmly believing that Hussein possessed chemical and biological weapons and was seeking nuclear weapons.

Then again, in 2006, Biden did go on to say that the original authorization for going to war with Iraq had been a mistake that was due to Bush “using his congressional authority unwisely” (and that Biden had no role in unwisely helping him obtain), and that there were no stockpiled weapons in Iraq and likely never had been.

Which Biden then followed up in 2008 by saying in his opinion the real mistake had been in labeling Iraq the focus of the War on Terror, instead of Afghanistan, which he believed was really the focus all along, and that we should leave Iraq....and shift our focus fully back there. Because see, the problem was the war in Iraq was a war of choice, whereas the war in Afghanistan was a war of necessity.

And he did have this to say in 2011 about getting involved in the conflict in Libya: "NATO got it right. In this case, America spent $2 billion and didn't lose a single life. This is more the prescription for how to deal with the world as we go forward than it has in the past."

Course, five years later in 2016, in an interview with Charlie Rose, Biden stated he was "strongly against going to Libya" due to the instability it would cause within the country. He said, "My question was, 'OK, tell me what happens.' He's gone. What happens? Doesn't the country disintegrate? What happens then? Doesn't it become a place where it becomes a petri dish for the growth of extremism? And it has."

And then there’s his stances on North Korea...and Russia...and Central America....and Cuba.....all of which can be summed up as “that’s Joe Biden’s hot take on this issue, tune back in next week where he plays devil’s advocate with himself and argues the exact opposite.”

So yeah, all of that and more is who Biden is and always has been. Do not buy into him being someone who has grown and changed, because he’s more recently said the right things - especially as opposed to Trump. Biden has ALWAYS said the right things for the time he’s saying them at.....and history has always shown him willing to say the exact opposite, as soon as its more to his advantage to change his tune to that instead.

He is not the lesser of two evils, IMO, he is just the less overt of two evils. But make no mistake.....I can not tell anyone what to do, nor am I trying to, ultimately, beyond just asking people to BE AWARE of things like this. I can only really tell you what I’m going to do, and if Biden gets the nomination, I AM going to vote for him, not just to get rid of Trump....but everyone Trump brought with him, and the way Trump’s spent four years assuring every hateful piece of shit in America that they are not alone in their hate, and they have presidential approval.

I am simply ALSO saying, at the same time, that I do believe that even a Biden presidency can help push back against this, by virtue of at least being the American people saying We Do Not Support Trump or Want Him Back in enough quantities as to shame at least some of the more hateful and cowardly elements of our society back into silence.....

But that even while doing so, it IMO will remain MORE CRUCIAL THAN EVER to keep in mind.....none of those people or their hate simply sprang into being when Trump took office. They were here all along, and just because BEFORE Trump many of them weren’t brave enough to be seen out of the shadows, doesn’t mean that politicians like Joe Biden haven’t seen them and been fine with them and even agreeing with them and catering to them in various ways all along. Its just, unlike Trump, Biden cares too much about being seen as doing and saying the right things, the progressive things, to do any of those dealings openly, speak to any of those elements directly. But that’s never meant he’s above dealing with them, or profiting from their support.

So elect Biden if that’s what we have to do, even if only because his desire to be seen as progressive is at least a lever to ply between him and such elements of our society, where no such lever exists between Trump and them at all.

But it needs to be remembered that such a lever is only as effective as WE MAKE USE OF IT, AND FORCE HIM TO CATER MORE TO ACTUAL PROGRESSIVE PUBLIC OPINION RATHER THAN ALLOW HIM THE TIME AND ENERGY TO BE TWO-FACED THE MOMENTS OUR BACKS ARE TURNED.

And that if we do not keep this in mind, the latter is very much something Biden will do, just as he has done it countless times before.

AND ALSO PLEASE KEEP IN MIND:

HE STILL IS NOT THE NOMINEE YET, AND UNTIL HE IS STOP TAKING IT FOR GRANTED.

There is a marked difference between preparing for less than your preferred scenarios, and taking for granted that you might as well go ahead and settle for them already.

Too much of the latter has too much to do with the current state of our country, SO WHAT IF WE STOPPED DOING IT.

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anogete · 5 years

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Hi Anogete! I think of you as someone who has her financial shit together. Can you give me some advice? I’m starting a new job that pays $18k more. I’m making more money than I’ve ever made in my life by a significant amount and I’m worried I’m going to spend it stupid shit. How can I keep my lifestyle from creeping up to meet this new salary?

Hey, anon! First, congrats on the new job. That’s amazing and definitely something to be proud of. Second, I’d love to drop some advice for you. My day job is actually helping people with their finances--how to save money, how to retire, how to invest, etc. I’m in the US, so these answers are assuming you are, too. If you aren’t, they may still apply. So, let me give you three fairly easy things to do. They are in order of ease. You can do one or all of them. The more you do, the better.

1) Find out if the company you work for has a retirement plan. Most retirement plans will allow you to make a payroll deferral. This is money you ask the payroll person to take out of your check. Sometimes (especially with 401(k)s, which are common in the private sector), the company will match some of your contributions. Oftentimes, they will also have a profit-sharing component where they will share a portion of the company profits with you in the same account. You’ll get the profit-sharing regardless of what you do, but the matching will be lost if you don’t contribute. Asking the payroll department to take contributions out of your paycheck will help you save since you’ll never see the money AND it will help lower your tax bill AND it will get you started toward saving for retirement. If you do this, then you’ll have to tell them how you want your money invested. Most plans have target date funds. Pick the fund with a year closest to the date you’d be 65 and have all the contributions (from you and the company) go into that fund. Leave it alone, don’t mess with it, don’t try to change the investment based on what you’re hearing in the news. Just forget about it and let it grow. SIDE NOTE: If your company offers a Roth component to the retirement plan, then you should consider it. If you think you’ll be making more money later in your career, then putting money in the Roth portion is going to help you in retirement. Roth money is the same as all other retirement money, but it has been taxed. This means when you take it out later in life, you don’t have to pay any tax at all, even on the growth. With all the other retirement money, you have to pay tax on all of it.

2) Open a savings account and have your bank automatically move money over every time you get paid. Let’s say you get paid twice a month and you’re comfortable sending $100 of each paycheck into a savings account. Set it up on auto. Build the savings account up to an amount that would cover your monthly bills for 3 to 6 months. Once you hit that point, you should start investing the excess cash that you were directing to savings. Getting a financial advisor would be ideal, but most of them won’t want to work with you if you’re just starting out and don’t have a lump sum to invest. So, you can do it yourself. Go to Vanguard’s website and open an account. Have them start pulling that money you were putting into savings into the account there. You’ll need to pick a fund or funds to invest the money in. If you are young (under 50), pick a mutual fund(s) that is growth-oriented. Keywords would be growth, capital growth, equity, aggressive. Stick to one or two funds for now. Don’t go crazy with various ones because it won’t help you at this point. Like I said above, don’t fuck with them. Don’t change them. Set them and forget them. You are not smart enough to outsmart the markets. The account will go up and down, sometimes dramatically. Don’t freak out. It’ll be okay. Once you’ve built that account up to about $30,000, you should go talk to a financial advisor who can help you. Interview them. Ask questions about their philosophy on investing, the services they offer, how they are compensated, what they would recommend for you and what the cost would be. Pay close attention and go with your gut.

3) Everyone hates this one, but it will help you supercharge the first two items. Make a damn budget. For real. Go on Mint.com and sign up for an account. Link your banks, credit cards, and loans. It will download the data and guess what your transactions are--grocery, utility, housing, shopping, medical, etc. You’re going to need to teach it. Go in and check the coding, correct things. It will learn. Once you’ve done this for a couple months, you’ll begin to see what you’re spending money on and (sometimes!) where you can cut back. Now, make a realistic budget based on your own history. The website will help you. Once you’ve got a budget, go through a couple months and make sure you can stick to it and make sure you were being honest about your spending. If you were, now you will easily be able to see any money you don’t need that will get blown if it lands in your bank account. Go back up to steps 1 and 2 and divide up that money between them. You should favor the retirement account because it’s going to help you more over time, but don’t neglect saving outside of the retirement account. When all is said and done, you want at least a third of your savings in a non-retirement account like the mutual fund account in step 2 when you retire. Try to stick to your budget and continue to save. If something unexpected comes up, dip in your savings account at the bank that can support you for 3-6 months and replenish it over time.

Basically, figure out what you don’t need and get it out of your checking account before you buy shit you don’t need. Have your company take it out of your check before you even get paid or tell your bank to take it out when your paycheck arrives. Like right away. Immediately. If not, you’re going to spend it. I know because I do the same thing. Honestly, so do most other people. Even wealthy people who never have to worry about money have this problem. I’ve seen people blow through a million dollars in a couple years because it was there and they wanted, wanted, wanted.

I hope this helps. If you (or anyone else) ever have any questions, my inbox and asks are open. I’m happy to answer if I can. Good luck with the new job and with saving. You can do it!

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cuddle-trollop · 6 years

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WE NEED HELP

We might be losing EBT, our rent is going up significantly, and @heartgutted‘s dad’s surgeon is holding his medical care hostage over unpaid medical bills from 2014.

I will elaborate more under the cut, but please reblog and donate if you can.

https://www.paypal.me/ksammons81

Okay, so to start off with @heartgutted and I have finally gotten to the point where we’re able to make more money than we were. Not by a lot, but it was making a difference. We were able to afford a few of the things we’ve needed, or have some more flexibility with our transportation budget, etc. Things were starting to get just a little better for us. Then, of course, we get in the mail from the state that we might be getting kicked off of EBT because despite the fact that neither of us can really physically work a normal job for various reasons*, the state sees us as “able-bodied adults” because we’re between the ages of 18 and 50 and not on disability.

This is bull, but we think okay we can handle this, worst case scenario we’ll buckle down on our work and try to finally get the payment date for storage changed so we’re not still chronically getting the overdue fees tacked on like we have been.

Then @heartgutted‘s dad ends up needing to go to the hospital for surgery. The cab fare home for her is significant but otherwise this is only stressful, we were relatively sure he’d be okay but there’s always a worry that something is gonna happen, you know? Ultimately he gets the surgery which goes well and gets sent home about a week later with a drainage tube.

A few days after he gets home, @heartgutted ends up needing to go to the hospital because her nose won’t stop bleeding. Long story short this is probably stress related. They pack her nose and for the past few days she hasn’t been able to really do much, let alone work, because her whole face has been hurting and the packing keeps leaking.

So as we’re trying to manage all this, still hopeful since it seems like everything is at least plateauing, not getting worse, we find out that the landlord is going to be raising our rent another $30 a week (I think, might be more?) so another $120 a month starting next week.

Well, alright, that sucks, we’re already barely hanging on to this dump as it is, if you’ve been following me a while you know this, but at least the manager is still sympathetic so hopefully that in and of itself wouldn’t be too bad. On top of the ebt though it’s looking pretty grim.

So then today @heartgutted is making doctor’s appointments for her and her dad’s follow ups and with her dad’s surgeon to get his drainage tube removed and his incision taken care of, cause that can’t just be like it is forever, and suddenly this absolute beautiful genius of a human being decides that he’s not gonna see @heartgutted‘s dad again until he pays over $200 worth of medical bills from 2014. Which honestly strikes me as extortion.

So in short, we’re in a deep hole right now and we REALLY need help getting out or things are gonna get very bad very soon.

*Neither of us can stand for 8 hours, we can barely go for groceries without having to take a bunch of breaks. My anxiety makes it hard to even apply for a job let alone actually work at one, not that the state would take that as an excuse. But even setting that all aside, we have no reliable transportation, and there’s nothing really in walking distance that either of us could apply for.

I’ve been trying to get a bike fixed but I still need parts for it that are gonna be difficult to get but that’s about it, we have to take a cab or the bus everywhere and we usually end up waiting nearly an hour for the bus, and last time we called a cab to take @heartgutted to the ER to get her packing out they took an hour and a half to get to us. It’s just not logistically sound.

#emergency #donation #begging #rent #food #medical bills #everything is going wrong

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sheerioswifties · 6 years

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Help Get Me To

-Long post ahead-

Hey everyone, Brynn here, aka @sheerioswifties. You may have seen various posts going around in a campaign to raise money for me to fly out to go to Rep Tour NOLA. It was started by some really amazing people, great friends, and has taken off a bit so I'm starting to get excited that this just might actually happen. I've not really made a full post of my own, like going into things since I feel weird about self promo (I never even made a tour post or anything for when I went to Seattle) but now I've been encouraged to speak up and tell you all a bit more.

So I've not really told my story. I mean you guys have heard my stories about my illness and granted that's all been the tip of the iceberg, my health is really difficult to talk about. And that's just one of the things going on in my life.

Yeah, I'm broke. Being sick like this I cannot work anymore and every bit I obtain goes to medical bills... just the monthly insurance payment in itself is crazy and I HAVE to keep it nonstop, because of the whole pre-existing conditions issue if my coverage ever lapses, even for a day, I might not be able to ever get coverage again and that's scary. As you can imagine it's expensive as hell being this sick. The infusion I have to get about every 3 weeks alone is upwards of $10,000+ a pop. With coverage I pay a percentage of that but you can imagine how that adds up, and that's just one treatment. I have to see doctors and get labs and treatments every week and each visit comes with a copay. I've got a lot of monthly prescriptions, those each cost. I've also got lots of out of pocket things I have to buy that aren't covered like assistive devices, vitamins/supplements, things like lidocaine patches, heat and ice packs, yoga balls/things for physical therapy and acupressure; I've got TENS units that need replacement parts every now and then... lots of little things. Special dietary items. Supplies of things for emergencies. The list goes on and on. Oh, and since I'm immunosupressed, I both have to keep stocked things for prevention like special cleaning supplies to sterilize things; gloves and alcohol wipes(both for at home and to carry on me at all times along with masks and emesus aka throw-up bags, fun), special face masks, special air filters/HEPA filters, antibacterial everything... and still I catch colds and flu all the time so I very often need to buy things like cough syrup/cold medicine (which is getting stupid expensive, it's crazy). I mean there's so much more but maybe that gives just an idea.

See, I'm not wanting to tell a sob story about being poor and broke and sick; I mean, that is my life right now but it wasn't always. And I've always been a person who wants/tries to be self sufficient and if anything, help others- but never ask others for help. When I worked I did well and so I've still got like, a collection of nice things from my old life- nice handbags and shoes, perfumes and makeup (which, okay, those I mostly got all for free as part of my job), clothes, accessories etc. Gear for snowboarding and other active things I used to love to be able to do. However when I finally had to taper down work and then had to stop(which was devastating, honestly it absolutely broke my heart), choices began to have to be made. I began to sell off those things to pay bills. Almost every month I have to sell things to make it all work.

I had to sell some really nice and sentimental items in order to buy my ticket to the Seattle Rep Show- but I'm okay with that, because I fully believe in experiences over things. I would, honestly, every time trade in having nice things for getting to have experiences like that. And I don't have a Taylor tour story like many of you do- this was my first ever Taylor show, not for lack of trying. I had become full Swiftie around the Red Era, so I really wanted to go to that tour. But I couldn't make it work financially, it was not possible. Yet, I was optimistic and figured I'd try next time. So the 1989 Tour came and I was SO excited, it looked amazing, I'd been following and just loved all the content and everything and was stoked to try and go to the show. But when the tickets went on sale it was during a time where I had extra expenses (literally my life is the kind of life where like, I'll get hospitalized, my car will break down and I'll need a new phone or something all at the same time... when it rains it REALLY pours for me, it's almost laughable how things will happen). So I couldn't get tickets to 1989. As the tour progressed I kept trying, looking into like if I could fly out to visit Chicago and go with my friend there or something, but nothing ever lined up right to work and there was always some big expense hitting at the wrong time. So I missed that tour too. And yet again I stayed optimistic- oh well; that's life; I'll try next time. Although looking back now, I'm really sad that things happened that way because now my health is worse and I cannot go hard at the shows the way I maybe could have at the past tours... if I had gone to Red I could have jumped and danced and partied the night away. Now things are a lot different and I feel regret even though there was nothing I could do. But I made Rep Seattle work. I made it; albeit not the way I wanted to- I wasn't able to make a cool outfit like I'd wanted or go all out with hair and makeup, I was very late to the show because I woke up that morning with a horrible migraine and had so many panic attacks trying to get ready and get there; but I got there and it was THE TIME OF MY LIFE, though I didn't get to do throne pictures or meet up with my Tumblr friends, #goals- and those are things I really want to do if I get to go to Rep Tour NOLA.

I have no idea if I'll get to go to the next tour. Everything is very unpredictable. And I'm still optimistic, don't get me wrong- yeah my prognosis right now is not good, my health is failing quickly. However there are advances in the medical field all the time, so who knows? And I'm fighting. I'm a fighter with this. I'm doing everything I can to not let this illness take away everything from me, take away all quality of life, I refuse that and I'm fighting for my life. That's why I'm even allowing myself to hope for NOLA. I really do want it. I wanted to go to a second show so bad; I've just felt awful talking about it because there's so many people who can't go to any. Then there's the ones who go to like 7, and I just... I don't know. I guess I'm saying, I want this. I really want this. I want the experience. And since it could be my last real Taylor Tour experience, I want it to be the best I can possibly do. My friends have floor seats so that's the goal.... and if I'm going to get one, I want to try for one that will be by the barrier so that *maybe* I can give Taylor a high five when she walks between B Stages... I also would absolutely LOVE to get a VIP box... I don't know if that's asking too much but I just... I don't know how else to say that I really, really want that as part of the experience and as souvenirs to display afterwards to look at and remember that experience when I'm having dark days. Those things really make a huge difference to me and mean so much.

You all, you mean so much to me. Obviously Taylor means so much to me, I could write a book about all the ways and times she has ushered me through the hardest things in life, or inspired me, made me smile and laugh and feel optimistic in the worst of circumstances. You guys have done that for me too and I don't ever want to ask anything of you or anyone. So I don't even know how to word this, but this is one thing I'm asking, for help. Any help at all in getting me to NOLA and making it the best experience possible.

As it stands I'd need a plane ticket, hotel- I believe for 3 nights at least (although preferable would be 4, so I could fly in Thursday before the show and have ample time to rest and recoup from the travel, adjust to the time and not be super stressed in last minute getting ready for the show), transportation between the airport/hotel/stadium I'm still trying to figure out; and tickets to the show itself (hopefully with the VIP box??)... I'm of course saving up myself to cover food and incidentals, figuring out my outfit and all that (which might affect airfare since idk if I can bring everything carry on and it costs now to check a bag), and a little for merch as I want to at least get the city patch and poster, and a tour tee which I'd meant to get in Seattle but didn't have enough at the time. And of course cash for like water at the stadium... so yeah there's a lot of details I've got to work out. Plus if I can, I want to be able to buy rounds of beer or dinner for the wonderful NOLA crew who have been such great friends and started this whole thing!

So that's just a bit more of my story, again it's still the tip of the iceberg but if anyone even ever wants to hear the whole story, someday I just might put out a novel laying it all out. We'll see. In the mean time... any help getting me to Rep Tour NOLA is appreciated more than you know.

Here's the link to donate. Thank you so, so much! I honestly don't even know how to begin to thank everyone who has already helped, donated, reblogged, made such lovely comments about me- it touches my heart deeply and I really want to find some way to show my gratitude- and I'm determined to, somehow. I love you all and thank you, really, SO much! 💝💕

#rep tour nola #rep tour nola project #get me to nola #reptournola #new orleans #rep tour new orleans #reputation tour new orleans #reputation tour nola #sheerioswifties #please donate or reblog #spread the word #gofundme link #gofundme #get brynn to nola

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qqueenofhades · 6 years

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Mmmkay so it’s been A Week (From Hell) for various real life reasons and I keep trying to ignore it and do other things and surprisingly, this is... less than working. Anyway so, venting on the big blue hellsite is probably better than keeping it all in my head, because the anxiety + stress + general unfunness is pretty much tanking me right now. You are 0% obligated either to read this post or to do anything about it if you do, but yeah. There you have it?

(Rant about aforesaid shit below.)

Anyway so. I’ve mentioned the fact that I’m really close to submitting the first draft of my PhD dissertation, which is really cool and something that I’m definitely proud of. However, the finishing stress is basically The Worst and I am so exhausted because I’ve worked on this thing for literally three years now and I can barely summon up any desire to look at the damn thing, much less go through and do the final edits/etc before I send it off to my supervisors. I’m almost done and it’s close and there are like a few finicky things but... god I just can’t do it anymore? I just... am so done with it (as most PhD students are by this point) and can’t focus and don’t wantttt.

Plus, it will be submitted at the end of May, and because you have to allow two months for it to be read in the first instance, let alone any corrections etc after that, I will be graduating in December rather than July. This is... well, it is what it is and I can’t control that, and I want to do things properly and not half-ass it at the end, but it royally shits over my ability to apply for this year’s round of postdocs/early career fellowships/all the other bullshit roulette of applications that you have to do as an academic, because they basically want you to have the PhD in hand by September (when most of the deadlines are) and yeah, I won’t until December. So that basically fucks me out of a year of applications (I’ll see what I can do, but yeah), and pushes me back to where I can start looking for the next solid step. I’m essentially completely in limbo at the moment with zero certainty and no money and a shit ton of anxiety and nothing either secured or that I can really secure, and...

Yeah. The no money part. It’s been up and down for a while, because that’s just Da PhD student life, and my parents have helped out a lot over the last year, but for various reasons, including medical bills for my mom etc, they’re not really in a position to do that any more. I’m trying to be sensible about this but I’m basically also freaking out because I have enough money to pay like... one more month of rent (and maybe one bill after that) and then... zippo. I am working really hard trying to line up a summer job, but because I have work restrictions on my visa/am not a UK citizen, that is probably going to play havoc with who is willing to hire me (because Brexit! Take a shot). I have worked as much as I have been able over the last three years (teaching at the university + in the education outreach office + private tutoring), so it’s not like I have no UK work experience, but also even getting hired somewhere part-time may be a challenge. I can’t teach again until October, and even if I get two classes, that still leaves me with three months of... essentially zero income.

I am going to go to the university advice centre on Monday and basically explain my situation and see if they can point me in a useful direction, and make all other reasonable efforts to support myself. But I’m also just finishing a PhD dissertation and am ragged and exhausted and shot mentally, and this is just taking a lot of spoons to deal with (plus the imminent panic of probably being homeless...) so yeah. My parents are giving all this well-meant “just do your best!/things will work out!” advice and I am... well, I’ve had a complicated relationship with them, and it’s gotten a lot better, and as I said, they’ve done a lot for me already. But also I’m frustrated with them because WHAT I REALLY NEED IS MAYBE NOT TO BE FUCKING HOMELESS?? AND THAT WOULD BE NICE?? MAYBE??? ESPECIALLY TRYING TO FINISH A PHD AND REGRETTING ALL MY LIFE CHOICES TO GET INTO ACADEMIA BECAUSE IT’S TOTAL SHIT AND I WON’T GET AN APPOINTMENT ANYWHERE AND AM CLEARLY AN IDIOT AND...

(whoof okay. I just had to get that off my chest, apparently.)

I absolutely HATE having to ask people for anything, especially with things like money. I’ve had to do it a few times before, and the “you’re a burden”/”you’re greedy”/”you’re not working enough”/”you don’t deserve to be helped this much” voices are real, and it sucks. Because I’ve been working as much as I possibly can, and it never feels like enough, and I’ve had ten years of bad or at least very iffy mental health that is a struggle to live with, and it’s... anyway. I’ve spent this entire week basically crashing and trying to distract myself and do fannish stuff to keep my mind off it, and I’ve done a few things like look into options and apply for jobs and etc. There’s MAYBE the possibility of yet another student loan (I mean what the hell, I’ll be in debt until I die, what does it matter?) but that also involves having to ask people to be involved in it, and feeling like I’ve already asked enough, and...I honestly don’t know. It would be tricky as a PhD non-citizen student. I’ll try it if I have to, but... again, it’s so much extra stress and it’s just feeling incredibly, incredibly overwhelming and like I can see no path to the end of the year with my sanity and general basic everyday life intact. I’ve also applied for some other things that have not worked out, and some things that I was hoping would come through didn’t, and....

... Anyway. Well. I have a kofi account if you wanna toss some pennies at me, a patreon, and I also have a paypal. I don’t want to give that out publicly since it’s linked to my institutional email, but I can give it privately. Again, I hate, hate that being the fact, but...also, I have to try everything that I can think of, and I like to think I’m someone whose stuff is generally enjoyed, so there’s that.

If you read to the end of this, bless you. Have a cookie.

#hilary for ts #personal #school stuff #real life shit

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letsimportanttreecollection-blog · 6 years

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I'm 15, im a boy, and I want a 1998-2001 s10. I would want it to be a 4 cyl. 5 speed manuel, 2x4, regular cab, tan in color, and I would like to put flow masters on it, lower it 3/4, tint the windows a little, put chevy extreme rims on it, and maybe get 2 10'' inch subs in it. would any of that stuff raise the insuance? And about how much would the insurance cost in that? Please, anything would help. Thanks, Cody""

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How do I get a cheaper car insurance?

I m with Tesco insurance atm. any chance to get better insurance?

""For Home Owner Insurance purposes, is an unfinised basement included in total square footage of the house?

Are Insurance company underwriters not supposed to include unfinished living areas of the house when determing my total square footage of house for replace cost purposes? My premium went up even though the home inspector from Allstate did not know I had part of my house that is unfinished. I was not home at the time when he did this home based underwriting square footage procedure.

Our daughter has just passed her driving test ( aged 21 ) does anybody know of any cheap insurance companies ?

We are willing to buy her a small car but the insurance quotes she's getting are idiotic.

Car insurance help..?

I just asked this question but i'll add more details--------------------- About me - I pass my test 06/03/12 And bought a car and insurance - 10/03/12 ( the car was a vauxhall corsa) I still have the vauxhall and it's insured untull the 10th of March. I'm buying a suzuki swift today and want to insure it but It's cheaper if i have 1 year No claims bonus (NCB). To get my NCB i have to wait until the 10th and i dont mind that what's bothering me is I want to sell my Corsa before or after the 10th or whatever to a garage so not private sale and still have my NCB. Is there something a garage can do where i take it to them on the day my insurance ends and they keep it until it ends? I haven't insured the suzuki AT ALL yet and i'm relying on my NCB as it takes a huge chunk out of the money. thanks.

Can i use other family members cars on my insurance?

Hi all, i have full comprehensive insurance with the cooperative but im a young driver, so i have a smartbox in my car. Will i still be able to driver another family members car on third party only, or am i not allowed as i drive with a smart box? Thank You""

Question on best company for classic/historic car insurance?

Our family has had State Farm for 70 years now, several generations, and in the last 10 years or so we have been progressively more & more disappointed in their caring and customer service. Maybe its just the 'assistants' that my local SF agent (who never talks to his clients any more) use, they both seem to have just horrible attitutudes, sarcastic, and act like you are a complete PITA every time you call. I even have an email from his main assistant that I asked her to forward to the actual agent because I was told he was the only one that could answer my question, and just today I was SHOCKED when I re-read the email, and saw in the forward of my email when his assistant sent it on to the actual SF agent, She said This guy will just not give up, he keeps haunting me about this issue! I couldn't freaking believe it. I was going to forward the email to SF headquarters in Bloomington IL, but then as I read more & more about state farm I saw they are completely independent agents in each office, and have literally NO ONE who is their boss or who can reprimand or correct them. This is unbelievable. If I treated my customers at my work place & gave them the rotten attitude treatment we get from our SF office here, I guarantee you I would lose my job. No one is in charge at state farm obviously. Back to my question - I recently bought a classic car I have been looking for a long time - getting it next week - it is 25 yrs old, all original & in perfect shape. My state (Maryland) lets me register the car as Historic if it is 20 yrs old or more. I plan to do this. I contacted my wonderful state farm office today, to get a quote on a new policy/binder for this collectors car. They apparently don't like insuring a vehicle as Historic, maybe the policy is too cheap & they do not make any money off it. The 'assistant' said the best they can do, even if I REGISTER this vehicle in Maryland as Historic & get an Historic tag, which I will do, she said the best she can do is insure it as part time, occasional pleasure use, under 7500 miles a year . Which of course is NOT an historic policy. You can get that on ANY extra car you have in your household even if it is a 2011 model !! She did say (and I understand this being required) that in order to have is classified as Antique/Classic/Historic, you have to have an appraisal done on the vehicle as if it just came off the show room floor -then the premiums would be much lower if you had full coverage on it, as historic/classic . So here we stand. Can someone out there please help me understand - am I being taken for a ride by my State Farm office? Should I shop around for insurance companies that just specialize in Classic/Historic auto insurance? If so can anyone recommend the best companies that specialize in reasonable insurance for classic/historic vehicles? Thanks for your help. .""

What are the best and worst auto insurance companies ?

Has anyone used Service XK for car insurnace before UK!?

Hello, I'm just on a price comparison site looking how much car insurance would be, SERVICE XK keeps coming to be the cheapest by 500 pounds on some occassions but when I looked for their direct website I couldn't find anything? Was just wondering is this real or a false company. if you could help i'd really appreciate it, thank you :) This is a UK company by the way and is advertised with GoCompare.com""

""Auto rate quotes, lower credit score?""

So does anyone know if obtaining a rate quote for your auto insurance or obtaining a rate quote on auto loans will lower your credit score? Im in the market for buying a new car and i was hoping to obtain as many quotes as possible to see my options. Do they actually run your credit or do they just take the information you give them and provide an estimate? Any assistance would be helpful, thanks!""

16 year old male car insurance?

Im going to be 16 soon, and my uncle said that I could use his 1968 Corvette. However, I found out about the insurance. My friend said it would be several thousand dollars a month, and I don't believe him. So, what would be the cost of my car insurance(an estimate)? Thank you for your time!""

Travel Car Insurance?

Does anyone know of any websites that can allow insurance on a car for about a week just for travel? I am going to Vegas and using my mom's car but I have to get insurance on it but I only want it for the week. Any ideas ??

Average Car insurance cost?

Im an 18yr old female living in Wyoming. I have a clean driving record and drive a 1990 honda accord. Does anybody have an idea on how much car insurance would cost me

Would it be cheaper for me to go on my parents insurance or get my own insurance plan?

I am 16 and go for my license on the 19th of Nov, im paying for it myself. My parents have geico, i called Allstate today to get a quotes and they said about 210, please help!(:""

Where can i get cheap car insurance for a new driver?

Would my car insurance company give me any problems if I get a 2nd car?

I am the only driver in my household but I plan to get my son a car and register it under my name and put it on my insurance. He has a license and lives at a different address. Would the insurance company get suspicious about anything?

What is the cheapest car for me to buy in regards of insurance?

I passed my test in mid may 2009. So nearly a year and a half ago. I have a pass plus certificate. I know the best cars are obivously the ones with 1.0 engines and other small sizes. Im getting some horrible quotes, so I figured I would ask the community. Vaulkal corsas are the cheapest so far. But unknown brands like plutos are coming up quiet cheap. It is my first car, no one years claim bonus. I dint insure a car straight away because I was getting quotes for over 5 grand due to being 17, now im 2 years older and had more time holding a licence its obivously droped, but not by much. Any thoughts on cars?""

How can I get cheaper car Insurance?

I need to insure my new car. How do I do that at a cheaper rate?

Does anyone know where i can get cheap and affordable health insurance from in wisconsin?

Im looking for cheap or affordable health insurance ,, sure cant seem to find any .. does anyone have an answer""

I scraped the bumper of a parked car. Is it cheaper to pay it off or send it to my insurance?

I have a clean driving record, but i accidentally scraped a car parked next to me. There was a dinnerplate sized scrape, and the guy sent me a estimate for $400. Will it be cheaper for me to send it to my insurance, or pay it out of pocket?""

Can I qualify for medical insurance now?

I was non insurable as of last year due to pancreas problems. I went in the hospital 2 months ago and it turns out my problems were caused from my gallbladder. Had my gallbladder removed so now is it possible for me to be insured?

Is car insurance in America cheaper?

I have a Honda civic 2007 (nothing special) sedan and pay $280/month cause I live in Canada, clean record too""

Just passed driving test. 18 years old. What is the cheapest insurance company for me?

Just recently passed 17, turning 18 in a few days. What is the best insurance company in terms of price? also what car would i need to purchase to get the cheapest possible quote? Advice needed!""

Is car insurance cheaper for a 2008 Honda Accord then a 2005 Honda Pilot?

I'm considering trading my 2005 Honda pilot for a 2008 Honda Accord do you think my insurance would go up or down?

How much would insurance be and oil changes?

I am thinking about buy a 2004 mustang convertible I am 16 it will be under my parents name how much would insurance be on it if it was a v6 and how much would it be for a v8 and how much would oil changes and tires be. And would a camaro of the same year would it be higher insurance or a 2004 challenger what one would be cheaper for insurance and we have the money for any but what one is cheaper for insurance and we live in nebraska in a small town

I think I've made a mistake on my car insurance?

Long story short my Dad has a car that is insured and has been for a while. He has never made a claim in his 40+ years of driving. He's just bought another car that we can both drive (I can't drive his automatic until I pass my test) He was going to insure it with the same company as his other car however they won't let me be a named driver as I'm under 18 so we've found another company to go with. We got a quote and paid the money. No problem. Awaiting conformation in the post. Earlier today, however, I was talking to a friend who is insured with the same company and he says my dads no claims doesn't count because he's still insured with another company. Therefore by putting 9+ years on the form we've lied ?! Is this correct? Does this make our insurance invalid? How much trouble could we get in for this mistake? How can we resolve this?""

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What does an approved provider mean to health insurance company?

I want to list myself as an approved provider for speech therapy but I am not a proferred provider for any health insurance plan.

What's the cheapest full coverage Insurance?

I want to buy a car from carmart but I need full coverage insurance it's a 06 Chevy silverado...I'm 22 I've never been in a accident or had a ticket around what will insurance cost???

HONDA CB500X MOTORCYCLE?

I'm looking for my first street bike. I'm comfortable on a dirt bike and was wondering if it was a good choice for me. I would also like to know the laws for buying and owning a motorcycle for someone under 18 in California

How Insurance Companies Calculate Food & Hotel Expenses?

I have renters insurance, there was a fire, and I cannot live in the apartment while it is being repaired. The insurance company - State Farm, said they will pay for my and food expenses. How do they calculate these numbers, maximums, etc. Thanks!""

Car and Insurance for Teen driver?

I'm 16, turning 17 this year living in Houston, TX I have had my license since August of 2009 and Insurance twice from August to November I think, and from January I believe, until now. I never had any accident, finished Driver's Ed., and have 3.6 GPA. I'm getting my own car now, and I'm looking for low price car with good reliability and low insurance cost. Which car and which insurance company would be the best for me? I'm looking for something cool, sporty. I can drive manual.""

Does any1 know what the cheapest insurance is for someone aged 17-19?

Best young driver insurance company ?? (Ireland)?

so just got my full licence and was wondering which company would be the best and cheapest for me? 10 points :)

What makes car insurance cheaper for young drivers?

I know it's to do with the car. Sometimes engine size and security features and the year it was made. So what other thing and what cars fit into cheap insurance

Will my sisters auto insurance go up?

i live with my sister and her husband. i do not have any auto insurance. i was a pedestrian that got backed into by a car. i now will have to go and have surgery on my knee. to make a long story short, will my sisters auto insurance cover me because i am a resident relative? will their auto insurance go up if they cover me (they will get reimbursed though by the party who hit me)""

""I cheated my husband he knows but still wants to keep me and the marriage,but dont love him anymore,what i do?""

i'm still staying with him he change to make me happy i gave him a chance i have 2 kids for their sake i stayed but still i'n not happy i rather have to divorce him i know i will have a peace of mine i want to do something that makes me happy he's a boring guy i just did'nt ralized that b4 coz i'm bc taking care of my 2 kids but now they're teenagers i suddenly realized how boring my life is,i'm 44 yrs old and i knoe i still can find better life ahead of me with the right person with me so i need help outthere if i really have to sacrifice ny happiness for the sake of my marriage and for the my kids? my husband is not really a good provider we both have financial problem he had his money i have my own,i dont have a name on his bank account either his on mine he paid all the bills,i paid the daycare and the clothes for me and the kids,the sch. lunch for 1 kid him the other kid,i paid the car insurance which it's not my name but since i'm the one using it.so pls. help what shall i do?""

Cars with cheap insurance?

I am 17 and hold a full UK provisional license. I am having driving lessons. I'm just wondering of any cars with cheap insurance for when I pass my test as I'll be getting a car for my birthday in October. I am a girl so no boy racing cars

Looking for AFFORDABLE individual medical insurance plan?

Is there anyone one here from Minnesota who can recommend a decent relatively inexpensive family medical insurance plan? 2 adults and 3 children. They can't afford 800 bucks a month for a plan with a 5000 buck deductible or 700 for a 7000 deductible. He makes too much for medical assistance or Minnesota Care or Medicaid...just a little too much, and he isn't eligible for medical coverage through his employer. Please help!!!! Anyone ever hear of Land's Health???""

Why does my car insurance provider ask for other people in household?

Does it matter who I live with if they aren't going to be driving my car? How will it affect my rates? When I first got my insurance I lived with roommates - they had good driving records but still they never drove my car (they had their own!), now I live with my fiance who has a DUI - will my rates go up because of it? He has his own truck and SUV so we rarely ride my car and when we do I ALWAYS drive... so why do I need to tell my insurance company (Mercury) who else resides in my home?!""

Can an insurance company buy off and tow my car?

some construction company hit my car. the estimate repair is 2400.00 my car in kellybluebook is 1600.00, they said they could either write me a check of 1000.00 or their insurance if going to tow my car and give me what they think is worth. can an insure really do that? can't they just repair my car and give me a rental until i get it repaired? what should i do the accident happened 6/26/13""

Affordable Health insurance in CA ?

I'm looking to buy health insurance in CA. my income is 10,000$ a year and because i only work part time. i applied for Medical few months ago through welfare office, but my case worker was really mean he was asking for a lot of documents in order to approve my application and every time i go to the welfare office they make me wait for 4 hours.so i decided to look for health insurance through Obama care website but i found that planes that cost 100$ and below doesn't cover even 30% of the medical expenses. any ideas about getting affordable health insurance in CA with good coverage ??? Thank you""

Ex husband to pay off car. Who pays insurance?

Since my ex is paying my car off in the divorce shouldn't he be responsible for the full coverage insurance? I cant afford full coverage. If I only get liability should he cover the rest to obtain full coverage? Help!

Would my insurance rate go up on a car with more features?

I'm buying a car today and I already have the insuance and can leave with the car today once I give a down payment. However, the car dealer and I were speaking on the phone and he told me he can give me the same car and year but with more features like a Nav Panel on the dashboard and bluetooth and a couple of other smaller details like USB ports. Now my question would be, with these new features that don't exactly change much from the car I was originally getting, would this make my insurance go up?""

Is the renault twizy cheap for teenagers?

Is the insurance cheap Im looking around below 2000 a year

Will I go to jail for not having health insurance?

Teen Drivers Insurance?

Ok so I am a Teen Driver and I am about to get licensed...I need Car insurance...any one know the average in TX? Thanks

Pulled over by the police today without no insurance and no driving licence in the uk?

today i got pulled over by the police without a driving licence and no insurance the car had insurance but it was in my moms name and i only had a provisional license how much points will i get for that and will i get a band?

Cheapest car insurance in nj?

Which is the best CAR INSURANCE....UK?

I'm 19 and was wondering which is the best company to get car insurance from and the best way of getting it the cheapest.? Me and my dad are not quite sure of the tricks used to get the best deal, so i would appreciate it if you could help.? A few of my friends get their insurance dirt cheap because they are named drivers on their parent's car - but when i try to get a quote online it still charges me over 1500. Thanks. (In the UK btw)""

Health Insurance: How Much Will COBRA cost me?

I'm not one who likes working for others, and I'm getting enrolled in my company's health insurance. It's only for me, and they'll wind up deducting like $160 per month from my paycheck. I'm looking to leave as soon as I can, but if I choose to maintain the insurance through COBRA, will it be close to around the $160 or is it likely to be much higher, like $300 or more? Is there any way I can find out at this time?""

Car Insurance For 17 Year Olds In The UK ?

Im taking my test in a month but would just like to know what are some of the cheapest cars to insure as i dont have the bank of mum and dad to help me out so i have my weekend job which i get about 100 from roughly ive heard some people getting insurance for 1200 which is fairly cheap also what are the cheapest insurance companies ???

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/fosterville-tennessee-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-37063-price/"

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braindamageforbeginners · 6 years

Text

More FAQ

So, before we go on to the main event, I did see my favorite (or maybe second or third favorite) oncologist recently for a check-up; Radiation Oncologist. My “Top Three” rating might seem like a slight, but I estimate I’ve probably had at least a dozen different oncologists and surgeons over the years (all of whom are, professionally, world-class). She gets bonus points for thinking of “Captain America” with my new hair, which is definitely the look I was going for. She also gave me a clean bill of health and made a later appointment, and mentioned that, usually, patients who make it a year get recommended for observation. Again, I don’t think the medical establishment is prepared for someone successfully completing surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, then shouting, “What more ya got?!” Of course, by typing that, I’ve probably guaranteed I’ll get hit by a truck tomorrow. Anyway, unlike previous versions, this FAQ is actually inspired by questions I’ve received from various sources.

1. What is the ideal l reaction to you, as a cancer patient/survivor, when you tell people you have cancer? Ideally, that you have a proven cure for cancer. Or have ties to a research group working on that. If not buy me a beer and have a little patience with me if I’m a little slower or grumpier today. Again, if you are completely stumped, go for, “I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?” Or just show up with a pot-roast (never discount the June Cleaver approach). Really, there’s only two bad options here: indifference, or ostracizing the patient. That latter one might seem like an obvious no-no that anyone would know not to do, but, if you’ve ever not invited someone to an event or hike or whatever because you’re worried about their health, you’ve unwittingly participated. Just give us a call and we may come, or we may not. If all else fails, just send money. I know that might seem crass, but here’s the deal: the leading form of bankruptcy in the US is medical bankruptcy. It’s nigh-impossible to get back to a normal existence after something this disruptive; adding a tinge of deb-slavery makes it worse.

2. What’s Temodar really like?

Really horrible, surprisingly. You know who’s actually more-qualified to answer that than me? I mean, apart from an actual, qualified professional? Breast cancer patients. It’s not commonly given as a front-line drug, but if breast cancer starts metastasizing, I’ve heard it’s not unusual to add Temodar to the mix. Physically, it’s not too terrible - you’ll probably get constipated, but that’s usually treatable with OTC laxatives (or would be; I suffer from Unpredictable Bowel Syndcrome, so I usually reserve that sort of activity for quiet evenings at home, when I know my own bathroom is within reach). It’s painful, in a “whole body flu/hangover” kind of way, and it causes - in me and one other guy I know - weird insomnia. I’ve been able to kind of overcome both with medical marijuana, but you still don’t feel great. My main complaint with Temodar is “chemo brain’ - trouble focusing, or recalling details, etc. it’s a little too much like brain damage for me to ever be comfortable with. However, so far it’s not permanent, and it only seems to really hit the last few days of any cycle. However, it is disruptive enough that I don’t drive while on temodar, and I try to avoid any major life decisions or complex calculations or tasks.

3. With chemo/radiation, should I be worried about mouth sores, bleeding easily, or being immunocompromised?

Again, ask your doctor about that. I did and was told that as long as I washed my hands and avoided obviously sick people, I should be okay. Depending what chemo regimen you’re on, you’ll get blood-tested at various times. I trust the folks running me (as it were) to let me know the minute it looks like I might have a serious issue (one the nurses once got me a hand-out on potassium-rich foods when I tested low)(apparently, potato skins are better for potassium than bananas - who knew?), I’ve noticed I tend to bleed a little easier these days, but it’s hard to tell if that’s cancer treatment or me just being more aggressive shaving. Speaking of shaving, you’re not supposed to do that either, but, since one of the rarer side-effects of Temodar is leukemia (this is true), and one of the potential side-effects of radiation is,.. brain cancer (also true), I just decided the whole “Do this, don’t do that” list would become onerous and impossible to keep track of, and result in me living in a bubble (which would not only do nothing to help me in this struggle, and prevent me from making it to my book club). I’ve also been signed up for a number clinical trials (before anyone asks, all but two of those fell through; and I’m only in the marizomib trial and Radiation Oncologist’s neurocognitive evaluation program), and I know that - legally - the research coordinator (or nurse practitioner - I’m never really sure who gets that part of the job, unless it’s a form of administrative punishment or something) has to read to you all the potential side-effects of an experimental treatment. In the case of an experimental substance like Marizomib - which, remember, was still being tested for side effects when I signed on - that can take quite a whlle. In those situations where all the side-effects and dos and don’ts become overwhelming - which is more frequent than I’d admit - I’ve got your line: “I realize the side effects include lots of possibilities. I could die.This could make my disease worse. I could grow a third arm. But, of all the likeliest, dangerous side-effects, what are the ones I need to pay special attention to?” That usually trims a bit of fat off the safety warnings. My personal favorite in this area came when the Warlocks cleared me to go on Cycle 5 (that was kind of a big moment, because I’d had an iffy MRI before that one) SELF: Anything I should or shouldn’t do? Things I should stay away from? SENIOR WARLOCK: Yeah, lead a healthy life. He doesn’t strike me as a micromanager.

4. Should I wear a mask?

Why, yes, of course!

My apologies to BMT patients or others who really do have to wear a mask to maintain their health; If you’re in an doubt, though, ask your doctors about it, and, bear in mind that you’re never going to lead a risk-free life again, even if you beat this thing; you’re going to have to determine your new level of acceptable risk. Ultimately, I’ve decided that, at the moment, looking slightly closer to normal and not having extra things on my face to keep track of (especially since my left hand isn’t quite as dexterous as it used to be) was more important to me than potential airborne microbes or the risks thereof. I’ve heard one ER doctor claiming that we should all wear surgical masks whenever we’re in public (which, in retrospect, is an interesting stance coming from someone with a beard). With that in mind, I’d also point out something Shrink mentioned a few sessions ago; that if you physically hurt, yeah, you’re going to be inclined to stay in and avoid the gym or your friends, but your inactivity will make you feel worse. etc. It may seem like some sort of Dear Abby schlock, but it’s in keeping with the general attitude of most of the healthcare providers I’ve met around here; they want their patients living as close to a normal life as possible (Molly, if you’re reading this, I’d say that might be something to look for in rating hospitals; if they automatically an dramatically demand all in-patient treatments all the time, be wary).

5. Will my tastes change as treatment progresses?

I’ve heard this one a lot from various people without any clear consensus. I think this is a correlation/causation mistake. I’ve gotten more assertive and aggressive post-initial-treatment just because that’s a new requirement/skill to be alive, but I don’t think that’s because of the disease or treatment (well, possibly, the night is young and they still haven’t completely established Marizomib’s safety and side-effects). Similarly, it’s possible radiation or chemo will change your tastes and/or tastebuds (I’m fairly certain biochemists were still trying to definitively demonstrate how taste works, chemically, so it’s possible that dangerous, damaging substances would permanently change that). But I think, really, it’s that your body is a constantly-changing, hostile, alien warzone, and, just like any time you’re sick and you’re aware of it, it’ll have an impact on your tastes. Just like you may not leap at the thought of a cheeseburger and fries when you have a stomach flu, you’re not going to be one for brunch if you wake up with a queasy, hung-over sensation.

And then you bring human psychology into it and that adds a whole new layer of incalculable insanity to it. I remember exactly where I was when I had my TIA (or “ministroke,” if you want to get more technical); it was a little cafe by the hospital - perfectly nice place - and I had trouble (noticeable trouble) swallowing for a few minutes. I’ve taken a neuroanatomy class, so this set off a few alarm bells, but, since it went away almost immediately, I didn’t give it much more thought until the next scan showed that horrifying little dimple (it did turn out to be a TIA, which, given my obsession with cardiac health, is a barely-noticeable radiation side-effect). Nothing permanently terrible happened to me, and I know there’s no correlation between eating at that cafe and neurological disease, and I’d still recommend to anyone looking for a place to eat, but I’m not eating there ever again. And that might be the underpinning of this complaint about changing taste, there’s just a lot of potential for really, really bad, horrifying things to happen to you at any given moment of treatment. If I have an unexpected seizure while eating toast, I don’t know if I’d ever have toast again. For healthy people for whom this might seem ridiculous (as my step-mother did), let me put it this way. Let’s say you go to your favorite restaurant, and, completely randomly, get mugged and assaulted by a roving gang of GOP congressional candidates. Badly. Like, you need a night or two in the hospital and a month in a leg cast or something. Now, when you recover, even though you’re aware it’s all random chance and circumstantial, would you go back to the same restaurant? I still love steak burritos and beer, but nothing terrible’s happened to me while eating them (yet, anyway). That’s my guess, but there isn’t any hard data to support it.

#stupidcancer

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