#and I've tried the deep pits of despair and I've tried rotting in bed and I've tried thinking nothing's ever getting better
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the thing is that uni is good for me when it's not being horrifically bad for me like it's complicated
#overrall being at uni has made me better than I've been in years (which isn't actively good but. better.)#i like so many things about it but the assignments are genuinely just crushing me#the loneliness the little everyday chores irritating flatmates etc etc all that shit i can deal with well enough#but that on top of the assignments has destroyed me. and i know that's dramatic but i really do feel deeply broken right now#and i don't know how to make things better because I've done nothing but try and try and I've tried optimism I've tried searching#for little joys I've tried finding good in every day#and I've tried the deep pits of despair and I've tried rotting in bed and I've tried thinking nothing's ever getting better#oh my god I've tried all of it I've tried everything and I'm still here my whole life i can't remember ever not feeling this way#and i thought it was getting better but it's not. it's literally not getting better.#and all the optimism in the fucking known universe all the little films i watch all the posts about kindness or whatever i rb#all the platitudes and the hope and the trying has not gotten me anywhere.#so what now.
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