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slvtforoldermen · 9 months

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Forget Me Not

Chapter One: The Mission

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Summary: When Lemon and Tangerine are sent on a mission, they encounter an internationally known super spy, and discover that sometimes enemies of enemies can’t always be friends.

Pairing: Tangeine x Fem!Reader

Trope: Enemies/Rivals To Lovers

Chapter Warnings: Violence, fighting, one kiss (is that really a warning), alcohol consumption, no use of Y/n but reader is implied

Word Count: 1.7k

“What carriage is it in, Sharon?” You ask as the lady speaking into the earpiece types away on her computer. Currently, you were sent on a mission to steal back a briefcase full of some money that had been nicked by the two twins, Tangerine and Lemon. Due to the attack of the Bolivia job, they had earned themselves a name, just like you.

You, to your allies, were known as Forget Me Not, but to your enemies, you were known as The Stalker. This was due to your ability to get in and out of crime scenes without being seen. It was like your superpower, you were practically invisible. However because of your skill and the under toned sexism of the world, most of your enemies, expected for you to be a man, but you guessed that enhanced your invisibility even further.

“Between Economy and First Class,” The scouse accent came through the earpiece and informed you of the briefcase’s whereabouts. “Just try and avoid the owners of the case, because they are not a couple of happy chaps.”

“It would help if I knew who they were,” You mumbled bitterly as you approached the Economy carriage.

“Lemon and Tangerine,” As if on cue, you saw the two come out of the opening into economy and you sighed.

“I can see them now, I’m gonna have to get past them,” You say as you walk into economy too. Lemon sits down and Tangerine is taking a few extra seconds to sit.

“Sit down mate,” Lemon chuckles, getting out his phone.

“Sorry, can I squeeze past?” You ask politely and Tangerine turns around, looking down at you.

“Oh, pardon me darlin,” He nods and moves to the side and you shuffle past. You carry on walking down the train and Tangerine’s gaze follow you as you walk. “Fuck me…” He mutters as he sits down, still looking at your backside.

“You’re bloody vile, mate,” Lemon scoffs. “She doesn’t look like she belongs in First Class though, does she?”

“Maybe she’s with somebody,” Tangerine shrugs.

Meanwhile, you were looking through the luggage.

“And there’s a train sticker on the handle?” You ask confusedly.

“Apparently one of them has an obsession with Thomas The Tank Engine?” Sharon explains, you stand up straight.

“The- The kids show?” You questioned, Sharon made a sound of agreement and a silver box catches my eye. “Found it.” You pick up the briefcase and grab a note from your pocket.

Lock Com: 758

As your fingers spin the number keys around, the case clicks open and reveals a lot of money. About 10 million yen, your employer had said. You close the case and stand up. But as you did, somebody cleared their throat behind you.

“Having fun there, love?” A familiar voice shook you to your core and you sighed, squeezing the bridge of your nose. As you turn around you see Tangerine, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

“Look, I’m only returning something to the rightful owner,” You defend yourself.

“Gimme the case, and I won’t hurt ya, ‘lright?” Tangerine smirked cockily and held his hand out. You raised your brows, and put the case right next to your feet.

“I mean, I didn’t want to do this but it’s your choice,” You sigh and retrieve a lipstick from your pocket. He looks at you a little confused as you begin to apply it, as he opens his mouth to speak, you held up a finger. As you finished applying the makeup. You took off the other end of the stick and pointed it towards him. Suddenly, two taser wires shot out of it, the clamps attached to the collar of his blazer. As his body fell to the floor, you leaned over him and wink before calmly walking into first class.

You sighed with relief as made your way down the train, through first class, another economy class, the family’s carriage, and the bar. But as you were about to sit down, you saw something that shook you. A Mafia family who you had betrayed a few years back, they knew you and knew your face. The Yakuza agents were heading your way. You knew for a fact that Tangerine would also be heading towards you, but you were far less afraid of what he was going to do than what they’d do with you.

You’d be extremely lucky if they just killed you on the train.

Three carriages ahead, Tangerine was heading towards you, gun in hand, and quite angry. More so angry at himself for letting someone so pretty distract him from his mission. He’d never seen your face before, and he’s seen (almost) every agents face in the field, and this is why you confused him. As he made it to the bar, which was empty, he saw your face and held up the gun. You raised your hands immediately, keeping the case firm in your grip.

“Stop! Stop!” You yell, and Tangerine scoffs.

“Why, gimme one good fucking reason why I shouldn’t shoot you!” He shouts, you point behind you.

“Because someone is chasing me, and whoever it is will see you with the case and unlike you and I, they won’t ask questions, they’ll shoot first,” You explain quickly.

“Who’s this ‘someone’?” He asks.

“Yakuza,” That one word sent shivers down Tangerine’s spine. What on earth was this girl doing to have the Yakuza want her dead? “Please.” He could see that truthfully, you was terrified, but his grip on the gun didn’t falter, he just continued to glare at you.

“Oh my god, fine!” You yelled as you threw the case to the ground. “Take it!” You tried to run and Tangerine grabbed your arm. “What the fuck?!” Tangerine picks up the case and then pulls you out of the carriage and into the room between the bar and family class. He clearly didn’t care and he clearly wasn’t going to let you leave.

“I think these Yakuza will favour me if I pop you on the chopping block, don’t you reckon?” Tangerine clears his throat as he cocks his gun.

“They’ll kill you too, even if you try to give the case to them, they’ll assume you’re with me and they’ll kill you too, please…” You speak quickly. You heard them smashing up the bar and you thought of everything. One thought crossed through your mind, it was dangerous and a little weird, but it was a good one.

“Look—“

“Are you married?” You ask quickly, his facial expression drops.

“What?” You heard them approaching the door and you snatch the suitcase, putting it behind your legs, he opened his mouth to speak but you got there before him

“Just go with it, or they’ll kill us both,” You said as fast as you could, before you pressed your lips to his. You saw the Yakuza enter the room and you gasp pulling away and hiding your face. Something in Tangerine’s mind clicked, he suddenly felt like he did have to go along with this.

“Jesus fucking Christ, can never get any fucking privacy, get out you bloody twats!” Tangerine yelled, pulling your head into his chest, acting rather like a possessive boyfriend. The five men look at each other awkwardly before rushing through to the next carriage. You sighed and then shoved him off you.

“Jesus…” You mumbled, before looking at him. “Thank you…” Tangerine brushed himself off before nodding.

“Anyday, darlin’…” He replied, you shook your head and kicked the briefcase over to him. You looked into the bar carriage and then back to him.

“I’m getting a drink,” You say, going into the bar. Tangerine picked up the case and followed you.

“Mind if I join you?” He asked sarcastically. You held up a middle finger and poured yourself a whiskey. As you chugged it down, Tangerine raised his brows and chuckled. “You can drink, fucking hell.”

“Look, you’ve got the case, so why don’t you just leave me alone?” You mutter bitterly.

“You kissed me, why?”

“Publicly displayed affection makes people uncomfortable, more so the audience than the people who commit the act,” You explain as you pour yourself another glass. “It was a distraction.”

“Okay, another question… the Yakuza was after you, why?”

“That’s classified,” You say before drinking the whiskey again.

“Wow, you’re very friendly…” Tangerine mumbled, the train came to a stop, and the speakers on the train started talking in Japanese.

“This is my stop,” You say. “It was nice working with you.” You grab your briefcase and head to the exit.

“Ta-ra,” He says, holding up a hand. You made your way out the train and into a public bathroom, opening a suitcase you nicked before stepping out of the train, you changed into some different clothes, and to your luck they fitted you. You take off the wig you were wearing and shove it in the case, fluffing your actual hair out a bit. As you leave the stall and leave the suitcase in there, you look in the mirror and sort out your makeup, letting out a delightful chuckle before making your way out the bathroom and then out of the station.

On the train, Tangerine returns to Lemon, who raises a brow. He waves the suitcase at him and chuckles.

“Got it,” He says as he sits down, Lemon has a smirk plastered on his face. “What?”

“You snog the girl too?” Lemon asks, a laugh escaping his lips. Tangerine’s eyebrows raise before he looks in the reflection of the window. Theres a lipstick stain on the side of his mouth, he wipes it away with his thumb.

“Son of a bitch,” He whispers. He put the briefcase on the table and looked at his wrist, which is where he had written the lock combination ‘758’. It clicked open and Tangerine’s heart dropped. “Bollocks.” Lemon stood up and looked in the case. Inside, there was nothing, except for a note.

To whom ever has opened this case,

Thanks for the money ;)

Love, The Stalker x

#bullet train #aaron taylor johnson #atj x reader #tangerine #tangerine x reader #bullet train tangerine #lemon #bullet train lemon #atjschildwife

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seventeenlovesthree · 2 years

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Quick analysis on how Taichi and Daisuke are similar - but still very different.

This will not be a full analysis, but I’ve been wanting to compare them for ages and finally got around to write down a few of my thoughts.

What do they have in common?

Not going too much into detail in regards to the fact that they're both TURNED into designated leaders/goggleheads, because that's just the main premise that Digimon keeps using, even if all goggleheads are distinctively different, despite sharing certain attributes.

Daisuke is the heir of the Crest of Courage, hence the narrative tells us he is Taichi’s heir as well - they both have the tendency to jump right in(to trouble) and to sacrifice themselves for the sake of protecting their friends. Despite them having their moments of fear and self-doubt, they will act when it matters, with their hearts on the right spot. Both of them are learning that there’s a fine line between blind actionism and doing something for the sake of doing the right thing. Also despite knowing that there are moments when it cannot be avoided, they both hate to let sacrifices happen (thus they tend to sacrifice themselves instead).

They're both brothers of sisters, even if we know that plays out VERY differently, with Taichi being the protective big brother (who is traumatized for having almost killed his sister, resulting in self-esteem issues towards the fear of "hurting others by being inconsiderate") and Daisuke being the annoyed little brother (who is developing competitive self-esteem issues because of it, feeling "inadequate and having to prove himself all the time").

They love football and see it as a valuable thing in their lives; Taichi uses football metaphors in the novels all the time and even if it isn't implied in the same way as it is for Yamato, giving it up must have been painful (hello there, depression, leaving your hobbies behind). For Daisuke, it's also something he pulls his self-esteem from, a.) by wanting to be as good as his senpai, b.) maybe even impressing him and his other friends and c.) generally having fun despite its competitive nature (which we see when he approaches Ken - sure, he wants to win and he was beaming after getting praised by him, but in general - it's just a lot of FUN).

They actually do not exactly claim to be leaders, but are seen as those by their respective groups; while Taichi is the better strategist when it comes to conducting plans, he trusts his intuition a lot and - especially the older he gets - thinks things through more. Daisuke DEFINITELY trusts his intuition and gut more the longer the series goes on, but just like Taichi, his will inspires the others and so they kinda naturally gravitate towards thinking of them as leaders (even if that takes time in both cases).

What differentiates them?

Despite both of them having self-esteem issues as mentioned above, the root-causes and coping strategies are very different. Daisuke, as mentioned, really wants to prove himself (as a younger sibling who gets into fights a lot), he adores Taichi and Hikari. And he overcompensates by wanting to impress them at all costs, by talking big, wanting to win against Takeru in general, but also in terms of getting Hikari's affection. It may even become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because people call him names (implying him to be “dumb”), and he actually ends up doing dumb stuff because of it. So as soon as he finds another purpose (such as integrating Ken into the group), all his good qualities eventually come through, because he thinks of somebody else first and doesn't want to prove himself there. He has a good heart, he may appear to be more simple minded, but it's because he actually values his simple, peaceful life and the people he surrounds himself with.

With Taichi, I may not want to repeat everything all over again, but we know he is afraid of hurting others, of being inconsiderate, making the wrong decisions and facing the consequences, thus getting him into a spiral, making him feel weak and like a coward; because he hurt Hikari, because he was told by Yamato repeatedly that he was doing things the wrong way, because he was the reason Sora got captured due to his own recklessness, etc. He IS (and learns to be more) considerate, but his actionism often gets in the way and (similarly to Daisuke), he may not always find the right words (yet), but he means well. He HAS to make decisions to snap out of all of that, and he is (probably?) aware of that due to his past experiences. So he should also know that he cannot (and shouldn't) do everything alone (as his strategies have often proven that relying on the others’ strengths is important, such as Yamato’s fighting prowess and Koushirou’s intelligence). Yet he has a tendency to burden himself with the pain on his own and isolates himself because of it. As much as he loves his friends (and suffers from the isolation), him upholding that mask for his own and their sake (especially as he gets older) is something he has to overcome.

(On a more “headcanon-y” note, I also still believe that Daisuke’s crush on Hikari was an extension of him kinda crushing on Taichi, but being in denial about it because "That's gay", and since Hikari was kind to him, he projected onto that, because "wow, a girl who is nice to me!!!!". Especially seeing how her older sibling is actually nice and protective instead of bullying her - and Daisuke aspiring to be like Taichi may actually have an influence on him wanting to protect Hikari as well. Additionally, you may argue that Hikari is also his type physically, since Ken has basically the same haircut, but is actually a guy. Of course Daisuke’s sexual orientation is presented to be hetero and Daiken will probably always just be fanon; however, Daisuke’s character development starts the moment he wants to get closer to Ken and abandons trying to impress Hikari, so his ambitions can technically be read as performative heteronormativity. But as mentioned, that is purely headcanon based and can be taken with a grain of salt.)

#taichi yagami #daisuke motomiya #tai kamiya #davis motomiya #my two cents #meta #digimon

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terrence-silver · 1 year

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Hi Bea! I have a scenario. What if Beloved hated Kim Da Eun? Kim’s attitude towards Terry, all this bossing him around and demanding that Terry proves he is good enough for the way of the fist is super annoying. What if Beloved gets pissed seeing this and decides no one will treat their boyfriend this way? So Beloved comes up with a plan. They try to make friends with Da Eun, offering they will show her LA (Da Eun needs somebody to show her all the cool places), asking her for Karate lessons (“just some basic moves? You know just to be able to defend myself if I need to”) and doing everything to gain her trust hoping sensei Kim will finally show some chinks in her armor. Even if Da Eun doesn’t open up about herself Beloved may try to spread rumors about her and say things that will make sensei Kim seem less competent (something like “Terry is always so serious about Karate and the whole healthy lifestyle, you know training every day, going to bed early, having good sleep and clean diet but Kim is just the coolest person, we went to a party yesterday and we came back at 4 in the morning” said at some event, meant of course as a compliment). Beloved starts coming to the dojo more frequently (to see Terry of course) and while they’re there they always say something that undermines Kim’s authority in the eyes of the students (not openly, but some innocent questions like “are you sure this will help us win? I’m sorry for asking, I just care for Cobra Kai so much I want you guys to choose the best tactics for the tournament”). Beloved may even recruit some of Terry’s staff, like Carla and Amber (I imagine sensei Kim isn’t very popular among Terry’s employees) to spy on Da Eun. Terry’s reaction when he realizes what is happening?

---

I mean, we validly don't have enough information and the show hasn't done nearly enough exploration on Kim Da Eun's personality for us to know the definitive answers to this character sadly, so way too much is left to interpretation, and that's literally the opposite of good for any quite literally character anywhere. We do know Terry would be oddly proud (and turned on), where the petty scheming on beloved's part is concerned, but more so on the fact that they're so adamant and devoted in silently defending him and his authority. He could even see it as a proof of their love for him, outright.

But Kim Da Eun? How would she react to being besmirched? Sabotaged?

Hard to tell.

I have no concrete answers, and as such, I have to go out of my way here and headcanon that a lot of her icy, steely exterior hides staggering amounts of insecurity and that continued implications that she maybe only vaguely isn't as disciplined, dedicated, strict on herself or meticulously Spartan with her lifestyle might just lead her to firmly over-justifying herself, that that in fact, isn't true. Like, the sole accusation that could ever hurt Kim Da Eun is the implication that she isn't loyal enough to her own craft and lifestyle, which digs up old fears that stem from way back in the time her despotic and doubtlessly strictly traditional grandfather maybe didn't think a girl was good enough to train The Way, or hey, maybe he had no firm gender biases, but this mentality of doing right by one's body, spirit and mind through living healthy, living right and living a life for discipline and continued training was drilled into Da Eun to the point any notion she is straying from that path even in by the slightest is enough to create...like the tiniest crack in her otherwise iron resolve. Of course, she'll merely raise a petulant eyebrow questioningly at being accused at having a little more to drink than Sensei should and she seems otherwise unfettered, cold and haughty, but inside, she's burning up, because she feels she failed herself somehow through the mere fact someone dares to imply such rubbish.

#kim da eun #terry silver #cobra kai #terry silver x reader #terry silver x beloved #cobra kai season 5 #the fist #they really should've characterized kim da eun a bit more

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knowlesian · 2 years

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fuck it i want to talk about the kiss.

because this kiss is perfect. absolutely perfect.

regardless of the exact level of experience these two actually have with the mechanics of kissing (and i would guess it’s not much), kissing like this is new to both of them.

stede has been accidentally giving ed an entire ocean of mixed signals. because this say fellas, is it gay when involves a list of things like ‘leans in close and treats you kindly and wears your pants and so desperately wants to make you happy and offers to co-captain a ship’ as well as ‘picks up zero hints, does not seem to be aware of the way you want to kiss him, there’s some chick named mary up in this, fuckin for REAL is he gay or from new zealand???? i cannot fucking measure this ratio, it’s so weird’ & etc

so ed has been making aborted moonlight leans and being like STAB ME! THE STABBING IS A METAPHOR! PLEASE WOULD YOU GET WITH THIS, MY THIRST IS INTENSE and staring at stede like he’s made entirely out of red silk handkerchiefs, etc.

and now that the shit has truly hit the fan ed finally, finally, is like. fuck it. here we are, alone on a beach together, my beard is gone and your ship is gone and everything is fucked up, but just being with you makes me happy.

literally at this point why not? worst case, stede clarifies that ed has been misreading the feelings building between them.

(it must be said because thinking it hurts and i am nothing but generous with sharing the pain: that he misread stede like he misread the party at first, because the rules of the social road ed learned require a whole different set of skills than stede learned in his fancy world of melon spoons and tureens.)

ed knows that if stede rejects him, he can always skip out to nurse his wounds alone. this is a perfect fuck it, shooting my shot moment.

so he pushes past the false start where he gets derailed by turtles and toes (and neatly sets up the finale at the same time, i love good writing i really do) and just lays it all out. right now, he doesn’t want to curve to fit around the spaces somebody else wants him to fill: he wants to do what makes ed happy.

and then because stede is at his core so fucking kind, he comes through in the clutch here and says the exact right thing once again, just like he did when he told ed he wore fine things well. there are a lot of responses stede could give here that would be... fine, or terrible, but this is the perfect one.

what makes ed happy means: i care what makes you happy. i might even want to be the one making you happy, on a longterm and regular basis.

it also means: i’m not going to staple my narrow, not you-approved idea of what makes you happy on your face and then get pissed when you’re not 100% into it, because that is a clear pattern in your life.

literally the best and most beautiful thing stede could have said. unerringly hitting the heart of the things ed wants most, and totally on accident.

and then ed delivers the favor in kind, finishing it off with the absolute perfect thing he could say to stede, slowly because hooooly shit this is much scarier than getting stabbed and also totally on accident: stede makes him happy.

not just the fun they’ve had together, or the access to shared fancy pants and plans to match. just stede, existing in the world at all, and being by ed’s side.

which implies, even in these much less pleasant circumstances stede makes him happy. (and the unthinkable thought: if stede makes ed happy when things are generally not going well, maybe ed could still feel that way even if stede himself makes him unhappy once in a while.

you know: like how people are when they say they love you and they mean it.)

so stede bluescreens a bit because this is the first compliment of his life on this calibre and also he has no idea what to say to that, since he’s never heard it before! literally nobody has been like: hey stede. the fact that you’re in the world is very cool. you yourself are a net positive, and you make me happy just by existing.

AND THEN. THE FUCK IT TIPPING POINT. SHE IS HERE.

it’s not a teenage first date thing, though the vibes aren’t far off: but these are two men who just heard and said the thing the other most wanted to hear.

what makes you happy, ed? / what makes ed happy is you.

they both emphasize the other in that moment; they both receive everything they’ve ever wanted.

(also it’s just some super fun wordplay. hate this team.)

anyway: the best slightly awkward but incredibly perfect first kiss.

i love that neither of them are in the perfect position for this; i love that stede is 100% not prepared and ed has to shift to keep it going and drops his hand slowly to the middle of stede’s back while he raises the other to touch his neck, and his FINGERS BRUSH STEDE’S THROAT which, fuck that. throats are vulnerable; thin skin, jugulars, the place where the pulse beats, etc. vampires like throats, weird serial killers like throats, lovers like throats. it’s all very metaphors gone wild and tender, because you have to feel pretty safe to let somebody touch your throat on purpose.

anyway: i love stede’s little ‘mmph!’ sound, it’s all just so fucking perfect.

and then ed cups stede’s face and i want to gnaw on SHEET METAL and he KEEPS IT THERE? KEEPS IT THERE. “your hand on my chest is my hand” style? look. i just. i hate the little details each of the actors on this stupid mean to me show emphasizes. the physicality of this cast is fucking insane and it makes me want to go full red stringboard doing a rewatch for each character and only paying attention to what they’re doing so i can really appreciate all these ridiculously talented people.

this show ruined my life, news at eleven, i will never think about anything else.

so yeah! ed is STILL CRADLING STEDE’S JAW stede is saying you make stede happy, i am throwing my fucking tv out the window, etc.

aaaaand then they start making the kind of plans that don’t have great longterm feasibility and the narrative starts to get the road ready for chauncey to royally fuck things up for everybody-slash-probably make things better in the long run but turns out we do not, in fact, have to hand it to chauncey for derailing a plan that would eventually have led to things going sour and then i cry, but that’s for the recaps etc.

#our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #my ofmd meta #how obsessed with this show am i? normal amount #hbo JUST RENEW IT ALREADY #they better give us the nod on s2 and 3 at once or i s2g #fuckin corporate fucks gimme our pirates

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sk2lton · 2 years

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IT’S MY FAULT﹙☆﹚— TWST

you confess to cater and get rejected.

— warnings: being anxious/nervous, rejection, negative self perception (not detailed), but ends happily/reader gets reassurance, cater is kind of ooc, semi proofread

— characters: cater

you could tell by the way cater winced, that your feelings for him were not mutual. although his facial expression didn’t show a hint of disgust, nor did it imply any aversion, you couldn’t help but think you had possibly ruined a perfectly good friendship. how you loathed yourself for it as a wave of pure embarrassment washed over your entire body, sending heat straight to your face. it was awkward, as each passing moment went on in complete silence. the only noises to be heard were those of the botanical garden, which you were both currently in.

ㅤ

you had thought it to be a great place to confess, however as you stood there uncomfortably listening to the leaves rustle from the gardens few inhabitants, you couldn’t help but regret your decision. not only did it make you paranoid that somebody could be overhearing your conversation from a nearby bush, but it always made you so desperately hope that a large animal would jump out and swallow you whole. so quickly, that cater would fail to even see what exactly happened. surely, it would be rather confusing for him to explain to crowley that you simply went missing. however, you could only hope.

ㅤ

“sorry, i just thought you should know,” you stammered, attempting to save any bit of grace you still had left. so, instead of continuing to gawk in silence with cater, you decided to slowly step away, but cater quickly stopped you.

ㅤ

“wait,” he spoke. feeling that anxiety you felt before confessing started to come back. it was like a plant’s seeds had been scattered in your stomach, and its roots were beginning to grow which resulted in you feeling sick. “i’m flattered,” cater said, his smile faltering for only a second.

ㅤ

i’m flattered, was something you’d say if a stranger came up to you and asked for your number. it wasn’t something you’d say to your close friend. maybe you were just nitpicking everything that came out of his mouth and would continue to do so. your reasoning was you knew the inevitability of your rejection. so, any words until that rejection were only prolonging this awkwardness and your eventual hurt.

ㅤ

“i really don’t know what to say,” cater spoke much differently than how he usually does. you could tell he was more careful when choosing her words, and a lot more serious. “i don’t want to say something that will hurt you,” he was right. he wasn’t dealing with something silly, he was dealing with your feelings right now.

ㅤ

“don’t worry about it. i’ll get over it,” you already knew you were being rejected, but you needed to hear the words from his mouth to actually accept it. even though it may seem cruel, pushing cater to verbalize the fact that he didn’t feel the same, if he truly didn’t want to hurt you, it was the least he could do. it would be much more harmful if he didn’t, and instead let you continue to think that you possibly have the slightest chance. if he doesn’t say “i don’t like you back” now, you might find yourself making scenarios in your head of you both before bed. a mind roams when it’s left to wander.

ㅤ

“i really love you as a friend. i don’t feel anything romantic to you... but i want us to remain friends, if possible.” and there it was, through cater’s sheepish smile (which was a new look for him), what you had wanted ever since you saw him wince at your confession. a definite refusal.

ㅤ

although your anxiety depleted, it was replaced with a cruel kind of sadness. one that differed greatly from what you’d experience after losing a sports game or getting a poor grade on a test. it’s a cruel sadness that reinstated all self doubt. at least when you get a bad grade or lose a game, you can always do better next time. but, this was different. was there something wrong with you that led to being rejected? you knew it wasn’t cater’s fault that he didn’t feel the same way, so it must’ve been yours. there must be something wrong with you.

ㅤ

“yeah, that’s fine,” you said after realizing that you had been uncomfortably silent for the past few moments, which had caused cater to awkwardly shift his weight from leg to leg, waiting for you to respond. upon your answer, cater seemed to breathe out an inaudible sigh of relief. a small smile returned to his face, representing much more the cater you were used to seeing.

ㅤ

even as you two went your separate ways, to your different classes, there was one recurrent thought in your brain that was absolutely tormenting.

ㅤ

‘was there something wrong with me?’

ㅤ

yet as hours passed, and you continued to dwell on that exact thought, it soon transformed into: ‘what is wrong with me?’. maybe your eyes. the way you spoke. your personality. your fashion sense. your interests. your unique habits. or— possibly all of the above and more. while it may be nearly impossible to guess, that didn’t stop you from trying to. however, you had nobody to confirm or deny these guesses, which led to you confirming each and every one of them. each time you’d think up a trait of yours, after a moment of (more or less) deep reflection, you’d simply add it to the pile of things totally, and utterly horrible about you.

ㅤ

after this thoughts begun to consume you, you started to avoid cater as if your life depended on it. you wouldn’t have been caught dead in the same room as cater. you just didn’t know if you would be able to handle it; the sadness it brought. the last thing you need in a time like this is to start crying in front of cater because you felt horrible about yourself. that would just make everything worse!

ㅤ

however, cater must have picked up on your avoidant behaviour and he decided he would let this slide. partially, he felt responsible for whatever it may be that you’re feeling right now, for whatever is making you avoid him. if he had said something that truly hurt you, he wanted to make it right. if he had ever made you feel like he didn’t care for you, he wanted to reassure you that he did. despite the fact that he rejected you, that surely didn’t mean that he still doesn’t care for you. you are one of his closest friends after all, one that he confided in very often, so it would be hypocritical if he didn’t let you confide in him.

ㅤ

hence why you found yourself face to face with cater. all of your efforts for the past few days to avoid him having gone to waste by one simple run-in with him. while you perceived it as accidental, it was surely not accidental on cater’s part as he had moved his schedule around in order to bump into you.

ㅤ

“can i talk to you?” he asked. it would be very childish of you to ignore him, so you agreed despite your brain desperately telling you to not. it didn’t take long for cater to bring you to a quieter place, and fortunately for you, it wasn’t the botanical garden.

ㅤ

“so, what’s up?” you asked hesitantly.

ㅤ

“why have you been ignoring me lately?” he cut straight to the point, even though you had hoped he would be slightly less blunt.

ㅤ

“oh, i have? sorry,” you tried to play it off but the way you fidgeted with your hands wasn’t necessarily giving the image of an honest and completely relaxed person.

ㅤ

“huh? that’s it?” he looked at you with a confused expression. “no reason? ‘cause if there is one, i’m willing to listen.”

ㅤ

a sigh slipped passed your lips causing cater to stare at you in anticipation. “you don’t have to worry about it, cater! it’s my own problems,” you reassured him that it had nothing to do with him, which was very much true. they were your own issues, nothing that cater had any part in.

ㅤ

“you say that, then continue to ignore me. so it seems like it’s my problem too,” cater spoke calmly, but you could tell there was some level of hurt and irritation behind his words. his voice expressed that.

ㅤ

“i’m fine, honestly,” you poorly attempted to convince him that nothing was wrong. but, cater knew you better than that.

ㅤ

“is this...” he coughed, “about me rejecting you?” he slid his hands into his back pockets, awkwardly rocking back and forth in some kind of anxious manner.

ㅤ

your expression changed for a split second. from discomfort to nervousness and cater had caught that. so, he didn’t believe you when you told him, “no, it’s not to do with that.” ‘that’. you couldn’t even call it what it was. rejection. heartbreak, even.

ㅤ

a moment passed by. then a minute. “well,” cater mumbled. “go on, explain what’s wrong! we aren’t leaving here ‘til we do so.” he playfully exclaimed.

ㅤ

“huh?!” you cocked your eyebrow at his absurdity. “what if i just leave? it’s not like you can keep me here.” although he knew he wasn’t serious and was simply trying to make the atmosphere a little bit less pressuring, you decided to joke as well.

ㅤ

“oo, so there is something wrong!” he called you out. his amusing remark had turned out to be a trap he had set. you let out a groan. “come on,” he whined.

ㅤ

“it’s not that big of a deal. i guess i just think there’s something wrong with me,” you explained, refusing to make eye contact as the subject was rather sensitive for you.

ㅤ

“what do you mean? are you sick?” he asked, worriedly.

ㅤ

“no, no, nothing like that. it’s just,” you paused, trying to think of how to word this. but, you decided the best way would be honesty. “ever since, well, you know i confessed and stuff. i just kind of thought maybe there was something wrong with me..?”

ㅤ

“why? is it my fault? did i say something?” cater tried to look into your eyes but failed when you stepped back.

ㅤ

“no, cater. don’t worry. i just.. it doesn’t make any sense. i don’t know. i just thought that maybe there’s a reason you didn’t like me back? i know you can’t control your feelings for somebody, so i don’t blame you. but what if i act weird or look weird? what if everybody perceives me as somebody who’s unlikable. i just think there could be something wrong with me,” you rambled on.

ㅤ

cater seemed surprised at what you had told him. however, he didn’t let his shock stop him from providing you comfort. “are you serious? there’s nothing, and i mean nothing, wrong with you! i love who you are and i love having you around. so i felt really bad when you started avoiding me. just know that i’m glad to have you, and i know many other people find you very likable.”

ㅤ

“i’m sorry for avoiding you and thank you, but are you sure?”

ㅤ

“i’m serious, duh! i never could have asked for a better friend by my side. i know plenty of people are nrc that find you very lovely!” he seemed so stunned that you would even dare to think of yourself in such a negative light. “please, next time tell me if something’s wrong! i know it’ll be hard, but i always wanna be there for you. us against the world, of course— or at least nrc because taking on the world would be too tiring.” you chuckled at him getting slightly off track before he continued on the original subject. “honestly, care less about how other people perceive you, ‘kay? ‘cause i guarantee it’s only you who thinks that way. and even if somebody does perceive you badly, just know that i see you as a very cool and fun person. so who do you believe more! a stranger or me!” that wasn’t even a question, you believe him more and you always will.

ㅤ

“i will, thank you, cater. i feel better now.” before you knew it, cater had pulled you in for a hug, as he made sure you knew how much you were appreciated through the sheer tightness of his hold. he hoped that with his reassurance, you’d be able to view yourself the same way he views you. even though he knew it would take some time, eventually, you’ll get there.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcanon #twst #twst hcs #twst headcanons #twst fic #twisted wonderland fic #twisted wonderland fanfiction #cater diamond #twst cater #cater twisted wonderland #🧩ﾟ. — files ?!#unrequited crush #rejection #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst imagines

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optimist-pine · 3 years

Note

The turtle bros reacting to reader showing up at the lair with a cut on their face?

A/n: Thanks for the request, Anon! :) (It made sense that possibly a low-level Foot member or some other thug would be the reason for the injury. I also picked the Rise turtles since no particular universe was specified. Hope it's what you had in mind.)

Universe: Rise

Word Count: 588

Warnings: Mentions of injury, implied physical assault, & negative emotions (anger, fear, etc.)

Leo:

- Had a nightmare like this once, so he's feeling a lot of emotions at the same time

- The strongest of which is concern, yes because of your physical injuries, but more so concern for your mental/emotional wellbeing

- He can see how scared you are behind the reassurances that you're fine

- Once Donnie fixes you up, he manages to get the others to leave the two of you alone for a bit

- Just so he can reassure you that if you need to cry or anything, he's not going anywhere

- He takes in all of your leftover fear and panic, silently offering himself as a security blanket of sorts

- If you want him to he'll hold you until you're better, or until you've fallen asleep, whichever comes first

- There's a lot of anger and sadness in his heart, and it may be the first time he's been purely enraged

- When it comes to you, he doesn't take things lightly

Raph:

- Instantly blames himself for not making sure you had better protection

- You aren't built like him and his brothers for starters, no protective shell makes you much more vulnerable

- You remind him that he was the one who made sure you had above average self-defense training, but he still can't help but dwell on thoughts about what would've happened if that hadn't been enough

- Hovers over you so much, there's no room left to wonder how much you're cared for

- It was a frightening situation, so if you need to cry or get anything out you know he's going to be right there for you

- He's adamant about the fact that you're never going to have to face anything like that on your own ever again

- He won't make the same mistake twice. Not when it comes to your safety

Donnie:

- Has to make sure you're okay before anything else

- Of course, he's 100% thorough checking you over, but to his relief, the only major thing is the scratch itself

- He's furious about the entire situation, but he processes such a strong emotion by becoming very silent, determined, and cold like he's directing all of the bad inward on himself

- Physical injuries make sense. But emotional ones? Not so much... He doesn't know where to begin trying to comfort you

- All he can think to do is put his hand on you

- If you need to, you'll pull him into a hug

- He'll let you be held as long as you need it. It's not everyday somebody relies on him in this way

- He'll always be there to take care of you, even if he doesn't know how to

Mikey:

- Immediately needs to know who he's gotta fight

- It takes some gentle nudging from Raph, but he's reminded that maybe he's needed more there comforting you, than out being reckless

- It kinda worries his older brothers, that change in him, and they realize it's because of how much he cares for you, and his lack of understanding on how to process what's happened

- It doesn't take him too long to calm down, but he's still a little on edge

- Will literally baby you, holding you and humming, and making sure you're cleaned up and comfortable

- And of course, he'll kiss it to make it all better

- Asks his brothers to order your favorite takeout, and you cuddle up and watch a favorite comfort movie or show

- He's always going to be there to make you feel better, and he swears to himself that he'll never hurt you

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thehorrorsoftheblackbunnymask · 3 years

Text

Yandere Eyeless Jack As A Parent!

Warnings: Domestic Abuse (Towards You), Gore, Stealing Organs, Overprotection, isolation, threats, cannibalism, demonic shit, implied rape, Physical Abuse (Towards you).

Author's note: I love EJ, so uh, he's on the more abusive side of things-

Links: Masterlist||Previous Fic (Yandere Ticci Toby Alphabet)

When he found out he just stared at you for an long time. The kid was not planned at all, since EJ didn't plan on having kids, hell, he'd even say he doesn't want kids.

He'd tell you that you two will either raise it, or he'll eat it, no other option. So you chose to keep it, since you weren't trying to see your kid get eaten, you already have enough PTSD.

One of EJ's ruts would probably be the cause of this-

EJ would be excited yet worried at the same time. Since EJ's a demon, he'd be worried the baby would kill you, so if I'm being honest, he wouldn't really feel that attached to the kid until they're at least a year old.

The kid would look alot like EJ, having gray skin, no eyes and have brown hair.

EJ's demon would be glad that the child looks like EJ, something EJ has mixed feelings about since he knows they're gonna have a hard life.

If the kid eats the same thing he does, such as organs, expect your kid to be becoming a Daddy's Girl/Boy. EJ is like one of those dad's who act like they don't care even though they care a lot and likes to mess with their kid.

EJ would use this kid as leverage, threatening to hurt or eat them whenever you misbehaved, broke something, yelled or talked back to him, or did anything he didn't like. He's forced you to do awful things, like force you to eat a human heart.

EJ will still be a sick and sadistic bastard to you, mainly abusing you at night, when your kid's asleep or when one of the Pastas are forced to play with them LJ doesn't mind he's used to kids

LJ would try to spend time with his kid, even if he finds them annoying, but he really does care about them.

EJ never lets his child leave the woods, ever. His child doesn't look human in the slightest, and since he's scared they'll get hurt by some pesky teenagers, he forbids them from leaving.

This You and EJ would fight for hours about letting your child do something as simple as going to a park nearby. EJ beat the fucking shit out you before knocking you out and taking of your kidneys, a little warning to you if you disobey him.

Your kid would beg him to let them leave the forest and go to the park, saying that they can't play in the forest. You'd have to convince EJ to let it happen, and by convince I mean beg, he loves seeing you so weak and pathetic, it's a kink of his.

He'd do it, but you're gonna have a long month after, since he ain't doing this without you giving him something in return.

He'd have your kid wear a bear mask, since their face is similar to his and people would freak out and maybe call the police if they recognize him or see his child's face. He'd give them an outfit similar to his.

EJ would force you to wear a mask and hoodie, since you're a missing person and God forbid you even glance at somebody, so it's best just to keep your head down and be his good little pet.

EJ would be really overprotective over his child the older they get, mainly because they look a lot like him and he hates seeing them cry.

He's hesitant to really introduce them to any of the Pastas, but the first person to find out was Ben-

He was going through EJ's tv to bother him for a while and when he looked in front of him he saw a child with a teddy bear staring at him.

Ben would low-key be a fun Uncle, dragging them into the world that's known as the internet and introduce them to things such as music, video games and memes. EJ wanted to kill Ben, but you convinced him to let your kid spend time with him, since they were pretty lonely.

When he found out he just stared at you for an long time. The kid was not planned at all, since EJ didn't plan on having kids, hell, he'd even say he doesn't want kids.

Now Sally has a playmate! Something everyone is glad about since they don't have to deal with her asking to do tea parties every, single, day. So yeah you guys are going back to the manor.

I wouldn't be surprised if your kid becomes a cannibal like EJ, since they're a demon, so much expect to hear a lot more screams throughout the day.

So in total EJ isn't really that bad, but he could be a lot better. 4/10.

#yandere creepypasta #yandere eyeless jack #yandere ej #eyeless jack x reader #eyeless jack x you #eyeless jack x y/n #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #creepypasta x y/n #creepypasta #eyeless jack #yandere imagines #yandere x reader #yandere x darling

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unwrittenlibrary · 3 years

Text

how she loves (like sleep to the freezing)

summary -> “Sometimes Bucky will catch glimpses of who he used to be in the mirror. They’re like silent movies that play as he stares at his reflection. A boy with bright eyes and even brighter smiles that can only see the good in the world. He’s struck with how warm he used to be when these memories play. Then he blinks and they’re gone, all that’s left is a cold man staring back at him whose eyes appear empty and smiles have almost disappeared.”

or; bucky has been cold for a long time and you’re unbelievably warm.

warnings -> not beta’d, nicknames (sunshine/blossom), a lot of allusions to coldness, bucky is lonely & reader is kind. implied that the avengers live in a building together

words -> 2.0k

notes -> tried out a different writing style with this one, a bit of bucky’s thoughts instead of the reader. i hope you enjoy 🥺 title from cherry wine by hozier. can u tell i love him

— ➶ —

Bucky has felt cold for a long time. He feels like the dead of winter.

A kind of cold that just settles. One that doesn’t bite against your skin harshly but instead, it pricks and prods constantly reminding you of an absence of warmth.

He’s felt cold for so long that a semblance of warmth is unknown to him.

The way you radiate warmth is a curiosity and fact in the oddest ways. It’s constant in a way that Bucky can’t comprehend, but always shown through sunshine filled smiles and gentle eyes.

“Hi, Bucky.” You murmur sweetly as you make your way through the gym. It’s empty, you and Bucky the only two occupants, and Bucky feels heat rise to his cheeks.

He nods in response before turning back to the punching bag.

Bucky has know cold for so long he doesn’t know to react to warmth. He sticks to awkward smiles and short nods so you know he’s not ignoring you.

Maybe one day he would feel thawed enough to force the words he so desperately wants to say in return out.

➶

Sometimes Bucky will catch glimpses of who he used to be in the mirror. They’re like silent movies that play as he stares at his reflection. A boy with bright eyes and brighter smiles that can only see the good in the world. He’s struck with how warm he used to be when these memories play. Then he blinks and they’re gone, all that’s left is a cold man staring back at him whose eyes appear empty and smiles have almost disappeared.

He thinks he would have had a chance with you back then. Imagines your lips painted red and a navy blue skirt while he wears his uniform with pride. Bucky would have taken you dancing and the two of you would have been warmer than the sun together.

Maybe that’s what hurts the most about the memories. Now that Bucky has them back he can see the missing pieces that Steve tries to pretend he doesn’t miss. Bucky can see parts of who he used to be in the memories, parts that he’s unsure he’ll ever get back.

He tries though. In the ways he knows how. He cuts his hair and Steve’s excited smile is worth how lost Bucky feels with when he goes to tug nervously at the locks only to find they’re no longer there.

He trains with Sam. It’s obvious Sam feels better when he can help and Bucky doesn’t want to be a burden on Steve’s found family, so he lets Sam show him moves and technology that can help in fights Bucky isn’t sure he wants to be a part of.

Sometimes though, when the memories are too much and he feels frozen, Bucky needs a break.

You seem to appear at these times. Almost like you know Bucky’s grown colder and needs something to ground him to earth.

“You okay, Buck?” You ask gently tone like honey as you move around the kitchen. He nods slowly as his eyes fall to the table in front of him.

You don’t realize it, but the honey drips down Bucky’s fingertips and brings feeling back to his frozen limbs. “I’m okay, sunshine.”

Your returning grin is bright and contagious as you settle in beside Bucky at the kitchen’s island. You’re content to sit in silence and Bucky is content to bask in your glow.

Maybe one day you would know. Maybe you wouldn’t. Bucky was starting to worry less about what ifs.

➶

Steve runs like a furnace and a jealousy as green as ivy consumes Bucky when they’re in each other’s space.

It’s wrong to be jealous of Steve when for so long Steve had been the one who froze and shivered without complaint.

But when Bucky feels the heat of Steve hit him it makes him feel sick. Steve doesn’t have the same sweet as honey tone of voice or the same warmth you do. Steve’s heat doesn’t thaw Bucky out it only reminds him of the past that makes him feel colder.

“Are you okay, Bucky?” Steve’s hand slaps Bucky’s shoulder and burns. Bucky winces, it’s not the burn of a fire but the burn you feel when your hand touches snow for a second too long and his whole body recoils.

The hurt in Steve’s eyes is enough to make guilt claw its way up Bucky’s throat, but the words are frozen on his tongue. How can he explain this? How can Bucky explain that he feels like he’s never really left that ice Hydra forced him into?

“You know,” Bucky coughs awkwardly, “my shoulder. They fucked it up.” Steve’s shoulders sag with relief and his hand rests on Bucky’s right shoulder this time.

It still burns. Bucky has learned to tense his jaw and bear it.

Steve’s so happy to have, really have, Bucky back that there are things he lets slip through the cracks. Expressions he would have noticed in the forties and ticks Bucky still has.

Your hand replaces Steve’s as you step in between the two, like you know Bucky’s shoulder is hypothermic and your touch is all that can save it from turning black and blue.

“You’re okay.” You whisper without looking at him. Steve grins at Bucky, one that says he thinks there’s more to your appearance than you just wanting to help Bucky. “What’s wrong?”

Bucky shrugs.

There are no words to explain that your touch is like his saving grace.

➶

“Bucky,” your fingers card through his hair in an attempt to wake him up, “you awake?” He’s not used to the short hair yet, but you seem to like how easily your fingers glide through it.

Yes. Bucky doesn’t open his eyes. He just makes sure to keep his breathing even as he feels a fingertip trail over his cheek.

Your touch never burns. It’s a relief. When your hand rests on her shoulder or your knuckles brush over his cheekbone, Bucky feels warm. The only way he could ever describe it to somebody who asked was the first day of Spring. The first real day of spring, when all the snow of winter has melted and flowers are peeking through the dirt again.

“I know you’re awake because you’ve got a stupid smile on your face,” you chastise with no real anger in your tone. Bucky cracks an eye open and finds you looking down at him with a grin. “What’s got you smiling like that?”

You. It’s always you. “Dreaming of something beautiful.” Bucky says softly. Your hand rests against his cheek and he feels both his cheeks heat up with a blush. He briefly wonders if you can feel the heat against the palm of your hand.

“Must have been a good dream,” you murmur, “if it’s got you smiling like that.”

You drop your hand and despite to absence of your touch, Bucky still feels warm. There’s no other way to describe it, but Bucky thinks putting it simply is best. “Yeah,” Bucky says softly as his eyes trail over you, “it was.”

“A smile is a good look on you, Barnes.” You say earnestly, a bright smile of your own gracing your face.

As Bucky watches you walk away, he feels lighter too, like something is changing in him.

➶

Bucky’s learning how to feel warm again. Smiles and laughter that makes Steve’s eyes crinkle when he hears and your eyes widen in amusement.

He never wanted to feel cold, but he’ll admit he wallowed in the feeling. He let it settle over him without a fight, lucky to have someone as warm as you in his presence. Someone whose warmth melted his ice without even really trying,

“You’ve been happier lately,” you whisper. There’s a hesitance in your tone, like you’re afraid the words may upset Bucky.

Bucky nods. His head is resting against the back of the couch as he looks at you, your cheek resting against the palm of your hand as you look down at him curiously. “I’ve felt warm.” Bucky admits.

“Warm?” Your brows furrow in confusion. Bucky’s hand is resting on the cushion between you two. He inches in closer to your knee as the two of you watch one another.

Bucky supposes now is as good a time as any to tell you. “I’ve felt cold. For a long, long time. I can’t really explain it, but I know I’m finally starting to feel warm again.”

“Warm again,” you mutter as your hand meets his halfway, “that sounds lovely.” Your fingers follow a path over his palm before Bucky captures them in his.

He can feel himself blush, he seems to do it a lot around you. “You make me feel warm again,” there’s nobody else in the room, but Bucky keeps his voice at a whisper, “like spring.”

“Spring,” you repeat in a low tone, “you make me feel like Spring too, Bucky.” And you smile, one as bright as the sun, and Bucky is happy to soak in it.

➶

He’s learning that in warmth there is comfort. Bucky’s learned a lot, actually, and he’s starting to realize while he may never feel like the bright light he was in the forties, he can grow into something just as warm. Now there are more days than not where his feet no longer feel stuck to the ground and he can feel his eyes light up.

He wants to share it with you and he’s getting comfortable enough to do so. He wants you to see his spring and watch him grow and if your warmth is included in that he wants it to be because it’s what you want, not because you feel obligated to.

Not that you’d ever implied you did. Bucky just worries.

“Sunshine,” Bucky grins as you come to a stop in front of him, “you look beautiful.” You’re wearing a lovely, emerald green gown that flows to your feet.

“Thanks, blossom.” Your eyes shine with mirth as you say it and a Bucky is sure his cheeks have turned a bright shade of red in response. “I have a gift for you.”

Bucky’s eyes widen as you hand over a thin box. “What is it?” He asks automatically as he begins to pull the tape holding the lid closed off.

“Open it!” You urge. Bucky pulls the lid off and his eyes widen when he sees the emerald green tie. The one he had on now was a plain black, meant to compliment you and not clash with your dress color.

Your eyes are watching him curiously, waiting for a response, but Bucky can’t get any words out. There are butterflies in his stomach that make it hard to breathe. “Do you… Is it okay?” You ask quietly after a moment.

“Yeah. Yes!” Bucky looks at you with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. “I love it,” he starts quietly, “will you help me put it on?”

Your eyes widen this time, but you nod and Bucky moves to pull his black tie off quickly. You don’t ask why he needs your help with this tie and not the black one and Bucky appreciates it as you slide the green around his neck.

You take a step closer and Bucky’s breath hitches as you being to slowly knot the tie around his neck. He had grown used to you and your warmth in his space, but this felt different. The air between you two felt charged. Bucky’s eyes trail over your face admiringly as you focused on the task in front of you.

“Sunshine,” Bucky starts in a whisper. Your eyes snap to his, your hands still resting on his chest. “I-“

“I know,” you murmur. Your palms flatten against his chest as you tilt your head up towards him. Bucky doesn’t have the chance to say anything else because you press a soft kiss against his lips.

It’s a blink and you miss it type kiss. By the time Bucky registers that you’re kissing him, you’ve pulled away to look at him with gleeful eyes.

“We promised Steve we wouldn’t be late,” You take an agonizingly slow step away, “and I keep promises.”

Bucky slips his hand into yours, intertwining your fingers together, and allows you to pull him down the hallway.

It’s the dead of winter, but Bucky feels like summer.

— ➶ —

notes -> not too sure how i feel about this… definitely something different. i feel like my writing has been subpar lately…. idk! have a great night 💗 or day!

if you enjoyed reblogs are greatly appreciated 🥺

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes oneshot #james bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader #james bucky barnes

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bluejayblueskies · 3 years

Note

Please say more abt how Martin fits the closed off trait I'm begging 👁👁

Okay, so I got a bit carried away with this and it got quite lengthy....

I've put a TLDR above the cut and the details, transcripts, and general discussion below the cut!

TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

Martin, to me, is a character who is very used to hiding how he feels. He tends to care for others at the expense of himself, has low self-esteem, and has a predilection towards the Lonely, all of which go hand-in-hand with somebody who is very used to hiding their emotions--particularly the negative ones--because they either think they're not important or that they're inconvenient and inappropriate for the situation. On a textual level, that's probably due to growing up with a sick (and likely unsupportive) mother who he had to take care of, where there was 'no time' for his emotions to get in the way or for him to prioritize himself in any way, shape, or form.

Martin is self-destructive, dislikes moments of emotional vulnerability, and (I would argue) genuinely struggles when he doesn't have somebody else to prioritize over himself. (His mother at first, but as the series goes on, Jon settles comfortably into this role for him.) Additionally, the biggest way that we, the audience, know anything about Martin's emotional state is when he's alone and self-reflecting (such as in MAG 170 and 186 or when talking to the tapes) or when he's forced to talk about something vulnerable (such as when Jon confronted him about his CV).

We don't get much insight into Martin's character between seasons one and three (at least not as much as we get in four and five), but I find myself drawn to this bit in MAG 118, when Martin is talking to Elias:

MARTIN

So what? I don’t get to be angry? I don’t get to burn things? Just, just run around, making tea, while everyone else gets to actually have feelings?

I think two things are important to note here. The first is that Elias is surprised (or least intrigued) that Martin is acting in this way--specifically, acting on his emotions in such a dramatic way. (And given that Martin is doing this as a distraction, rather than actually acting out because of his own emotions, maybe he's right to be surprised.) The second is that this line very much implies that Martin doesn't talk about how he's feeling, not like 'everyone else' does. He doesn't talk about it, doesn't act on it--just 'runs around, making tea.' And when Melanie comes back in after Elias is done, Martin immediately focuses on the plan and whether it succeeded, ignoring Melanie when she asks if he's okay or not. He closes himself off, and as far as we know, doesn't talk about it at all after that.

And then Jon goes into his coma, and we reach season four.

Martin is incredibly closed-off during season four. He's self-isolating, self-sacrificial, and approaching a state of genuine emotional numbness by the time he's cast into the Lonely. There's a lot to unpack there, but I'm going to focus on a few main things, many of which can be drawn from this bit in MAG 158:

MARTIN

It’s not him! It’s not anybody. It’s just me. Always has been. I…

When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into trapped me into spreading evil and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me. I told myself I was trying to protect the others, but… honestly we didn’t even like each other. Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed.

And then… Jon came back, and… and suddenly I had a reason I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away, so what? I’d already grieved for him. And if it meant now saving him, it was worth it.

When you started talking about the Extinction, though… you had me actually, then, for a while. But then – (laughs sardonically) then, you tried to make me the hero. Tried to sell me on the idea that I was the only one who could stop it. And that I’ve never sat right with me. I mean, I mean, look – look at me, I’m not exactly a – a chosen one. But by then I was in too deep. So I played along. Waited to see what your end game was, and here we are.

Funny. Looks like I was right the first time. It’s probably still a good way to get killed?

This monologue is a big insight into Martin's thought process during this season, and I'm mostly going to focus on two parts: the self-sacrifice and the prioritization of Jon.

Self-sacrifice

There's quite a bit of discussion about Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies, but less so about Martin's, both in this season and in season five. In my opinion, Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies originate from (among other things) survivor's guilt from his traumatic childhood experience with Mr. Spider, his increasing belief that he's less than human, and the fact that he prioritizes the lives of others over his own. Martin's self-sacrificial tendencies, while very similar, come from the fact that he thinks he only has worth if he can help and care for someone else and the fact that he doesn't think he's important enough to live. (For example, he says in MAG 158 that he's 'not exactly a chosen one' and says in MAG 198 that he's 'not important enough to kill.')

It's a subtle difference between these two things, and I would argue that while Jon's tendencies are more rooted in the 'help' (ie, 'I want to help other people and I will sacrifice myself to do it'), Martin's tendencies are more rooted in the 'hurt' (ie, 'I will sacrifice myself and other people will be helped in the process'). There is, of course, overlap, and it's not a black-and-white distinction between the two, but ultimately, I think Martin is so used to prioritizing others' emotions and needs above his own that when he's left mostly alone as he is at the end of season three, with the only person left to hold onto being in a coma (possibly forever), he falls back into the same patterns of self-destruction and closed-offness, only without the 'help' to go along with the 'hurt' because there is nobody left to help (especially after his mother dies). Ultimately, he joins up with Peter because he thinks it 'would be a good way to get killed.'

Prioritization of Jon

But then Jon wakes up from his coma, and now Martin has justification for his self-sacrifice again, because he can protect Jon by continuing to work with Peter!

... Maybe.

Jon isn't harmed by Peter during season four, sure, but he does climb into the coffin and visits Ny-Ålesund and is tracked down by Julia and Trevor and struggles emotionally and morally with his own humanity and is hurt, in a way, by the distance Martin puts between them. And I hesitate to place blame for the apocalypse on anybody but Jonah, but if we're going to argue in-canon that Jon was responsible for the apocalypse (he wasn't, but that's not the point of this post), then Martin contributed to that blame and responsibility because it was his actions and decisions that ultimately drew Jon into the Lonely and resulted in him getting the 14th and final mark. (Again, I don't think Jon or Martin are at fault for the apocalypse, but if we were to blame Jon, we could blame Martin as well.) It was only after getting that mark that Jonah was able to use Jon to end the world, something that was hugely hurtful for Jon. So did Martin really protect Jon at all by staying away from him and continuing to work with Peter? Or was that just a convenient excuse to keep self-destructing?

Jon and Martin, in my opinion, had very similar arcs in season four. Martin was sinking further into the Lonely and Jon was sinking further into the Eye. We hear a lot more about Jon's emotional struggle with this given that he's the POV character, sure, but Jon also talks about this with other people. He talks about it to Helen (MAG 152):

JON

…

When does it stop?

HELEN

(impatient) What?

JON

The guilt. The misery. All the others I’ve met, they’ve been – cold, cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does the Eye (inhale) make me monstrous?

And to Daisy (MAG 136):

JON

My – (large sigh) My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I – I don’t know if I made the right decision; I’m stronger now, tougher, I can – (he cuts himself off) If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever? I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe – stop that happening, and the only danger is to me, I – I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster.

But all we really get from Martin are the things he tells the tapes when he's alone and the monologue he gives in MAG 158. It makes sense that he wouldn't be as open, yes, given the nature of the Lonely, but I can't help but think of (MAG 154):

JON

The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it?

MARTIN

(no hesitation) You know, I think it always did.

Jon was always curious and hungry for knowledge; the Eye amplified it. Martin was always closed-off and isolated; the Lonely amplified that as well.

But then Jon pulls Martin out of the Lonely, they flee to the safehouse, and three weeks later, the apocalypse begins. Martin isn't as consumed by the Lonely as he was in season four, he's with Jon--the person he loves--for extended periods of time, and they're in an extremely stressful situation that's sure to be incredibly emotionally charged. There's a lot to be said about Jon's emotional vulnerability during season five and how Martin both pressures him for it and rejects it in different ways, but for the purposes of this post, I won't go too far into detail about the motivations behind how Jon is feeling and acting.

I will say, however, that in season five, Martin still continues to place a lot of focus on asking Jon how he's feeling, encouraging (or pressuring) him to share, and getting frustrated when Jon can't or doesn't (MAG 167):

MARTIN

Okay, so how exactly would you describe your current emotional state regarding all of this?

JON

I –

MARTIN

(overlapping) Go on, I’m all ears.

JON

I feel…

MARTIN

(go on) Mhm.

JON

(sigh) I feel… sad.

[Brief pause.] MARTIN

(flat) Sad.

JON

Very sad.

MARTIN

(*very* flat) Very sad.

[He sighs slightly as he says it. Their bags jangle.]

A few moments prior to this, Martin expresses displeasure that Jon is Knowing things about him, specifically pointing out his emotions (MAG 167):

MARTIN

It’s just – it’s weird knowing that you can know literally everything I think and feel. E-Especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people – emotionally, I mean.

I think Martin is making an effort to open up more to Jon. But I still think it's difficult for him to talk about how he feels so openly, and while he is completely in the right for not wanting Jon to Know things about him without his permission, I think it's interesting that the focus is on his feelings and that he brings up how Jon isn't emotionally open immediately after. It scares Martin to think that Jon could know, at any given moment, how he's feeling, and I think it's partially because he's not used to that level of vulnerability. He turns the focus on Jon, away from himself, and doesn't really make an effort to talk about how he's feeling about all of this, instead prioritizing Jon's feelings and mental state like he's grown comfortable with.

And when Martin bottles up his emotions--of which there are a lot, in such a stressful environment, they can explode out in hurtful ways:

MARTIN

(overlapping) I know! I know, okay, I just – (bracing exhale) Look, I j,just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever.

JON

Is that – a joke?

MARTIN

(a bit faster, a bit shaky) No, no, okay? I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!

I don't think Martin really thought about what he was saying when he told Jon, who has a large burn scar on his hand, that burn scars make him sick, and I don't think he meant it maliciously. But he'd spent the greater portion of the conversation talking around the fact that he didn't like burns and that was why he didn't want to go into the building, and so when it finally ended up coming out, it did so in an explosion of emotion rather than a conscious decision to share. Martin doesn't have a good handle on his emotions, and he doesn't have a good handle on sharing them.

(Is it too much for me to say that Martin was more emotionally vulnerable with himself in MAG 170 than he was with Jon when Jon finally found him?)

Throughout season five, Martin asks Jon questions, he expresses frustrations with Jon, he shows discomfort or fear at times, but for as much as Martin feels frustrated that Jon isn't talking about how he feels about their situation, Martin really isn't doing so either. The most he talks about his feelings is in MAG 170 and MAG 186, when he's by himself, and I remember MAG 186 in particular because before that, we really didn't know what Martin was thinking about for the majority of the season! And in this episode, we find out a lot of very important things about Martin's character. Like (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Look, I know what you know. Maybe I’m just a bit more… open about it.

Also-Martin acknowledges that Martin often doesn't say what he means and hides what he really feels, telling him that it's 'hard to be vulnerable,' and Martin is initially very resistant to the idea. And then, when Also-Martin suggests that Martin wants to stay so that he can be 'quietly sad,' we get (MAG 186):

MARTIN

We could talk to Jon about it.

ALSO MARTIN

We could. But we both know that loved ones make the worst therapists. They’re too wrapped up in trying to stop you hurting to actually help. But hey, we know all about that, am I right?

MARTIN

There’s nothing wrong with comforting people.

ALSO MARTIN

A cup of tea isn’t a resolution. At best it’s a… a plaster. At worst… a muzzle.

This is very interesting to me, because for all that Martin tries to help other people, he also believes that comfort doesn't always help and that you can't be your loved one's 'therapist.' I think this gives a lot of insight into why Martin doesn't share his emotions with the people he cares about, especially Jon; he doesn't want to put Jon in the position where he'll become his 'therapist,' and he doesn't necessarily think Jon can help. So instead, Martin just chooses not to be vulnerable at all, because he doesn't want to burden the people he cares about. But, when it's just him (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Don’t lie. You don’t need to. Not here. It’s just us.

He doesn't feel like he needs to pull his emotional punches. He can't accidentally hurt somebody or put them in an awkward position; it's just himself. But what's said to himself remains with himself, and (at least on tape), he doesn't discuss any of this with Jon. Not even the bit about, if it came down to it, Martin would have rather had Jon smite him than continue to rule over a domain. He goes right back to being closed-off around Jon, but now we, the audience, know what lies underneath, and how little of it reaches the surface.

In fact, the thing Martin's probably most vocal about is how Jon's feelings about himself bother him (MAG 199):

MARTIN

I guess that’s why it really bothers me, you know? I try, but I can’t actually imagine ever making a decision that I knew meant losing you.

And it… It hurts to know you can.

And I think he has a tendency to use anger and frustration to cover up hurt, shying away from the admission that something Jon's done has hurt him (an incredibly vulnerable thing) and instead relying on the less-vulnerable and more external anger to cover it. This is more speculation than true analysis, but I think that's a lot of what's happening in MAG 200, when he discovers that Jon has already assumed the position of the pupil and has, in Martin's eyes, broken his promise.

#tma #the magnus archives #martin blackwood #tma meta #jonathan sims #(because i do talk about jon a bit in this too)#i actually think martin isn't good with emotions at all #both his own and others'#i think he doesn't quite know what to do with them so he puts on a mask and defaults to things he knows will work #*thinks about the low empathy autistic martin high empathy autistic jon post with love in my heart*

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highabovethecloudssomewhere · 2 years

Note

number 7 from the prompts?

(thank you for the prompt!!)

Prompt: "Here, hold my hand." (Dialogue may be altered to suit situation/characterization) Future fic, pro heroes, established tododeku (queerplatonic or romantic)

TW: child abuse (mentioned, implied), character injury/blood (unrelated to the abuse)

~*~*~*~*~*~

‘Muscling through it’ is more or less what Todoroki has done his entire life.

Even discounting how he was raised, the expectations he’s placed on himself to maintain an image are devastatingly unhealthy. But he’s good at image management on the average day-to-day, and to some extent he has to be now that he’s gone pro, for better or for worse. Endeavor drilled it into him, too (don’t let them see you falter, don’t let them see you cry), and that combined with his own self-set expectations solidified that mask.

But today isn’t the average day-to-day, and today he slipped up.

He has enough objective sense of self to know that he’s good at what he does. He’s good at everything heroes should be good at, minus petty societal non-issues like media appearances and “smiling for the camera”. But he slipped up today, because a little girl ran into his leg with bruises all over her and tears on her face, and she was running from her father.

Todoroki’s slip-up isn’t technical. He didn’t hesitate to take action. He didn’t use excessive force, as much as his heart churned dangerous and nebulous. He held the girl with one arm, kept her close and kept her safe. It wasn't a long fight. And he fought damn well.

He didn’t realize he'd been stabbed until he sees the hilt of a knife sticking out of his shoulder.

That still isn’t part of the slip-up.

He handed the girl off to the nearest hero before she had the chance to notice. He’d spared her from seeing the injury, thankfully. She cried, scared, but echoed thank you in between her sobs. Medics dragged Todoroki into the ambulance. His legs stopped working.

His heart is slipping up.

Todoroki can just say he’s in shock. That’s what the medics tell him--he’s in shock, they’re on their way to the hospital, they have to wait to remove the knife until they’re in an operating room. They explain it clearly, effective, and Todoroki could double down on that if he wanted. It’s definitely part of it.

But he slipped up today, for himself, because the moment that girl was out of his arms and in somebody else’s, his heart caved like it’d been crushed, and he couldn’t breathe past the suffocating pressure that took its place.

Midoriya meets them in the parking lot as he's wheeled via stretcher through the hospital double doors. The knife is still in his shoulder when he’s shunted into a room and wires are plastered to his skin. His costume is cut open, fabric torn carefully from around the knife. Midoriya’s at his side, and his status as a hero is high enough, along with his and Todoroki’s relationship being public enough, that the doctors take his word for Todoroki’s medical history without batting an eye.

The IV stings Todoroki’s arm. It’s the first thing he’s felt since that girl rammed into his leg.

The dormant but looming pressure swallows up his chest, breaks open over his skin. He finally feels the knife in his shoulder, but it doesn’t hurt. His eyes burn. A tear evaporates off of his left cheek.

That girl- she’d held him so desperately, like he’d push her away or disappear and leave her alone.

Don’t let them see you falter, Endeavor’s voice echoes, because it’s always there, always, no matter how many years he’s spent trying to kill it, trying not to listen. Don’t let them see you cry.

He could blame it all on the knife. He hears the words ‘something for the pain’ rush over his head as a nurse rifles through cabinets. He could put his image back in place, and it would be easy because he is in shock, and he is in pain, and it hurts, and--

And maybe he will. Inevitably he will, for the public and for the doctors and for his reputation. He will, because he needs to, and this situation isn’t about him for as much as he can relate to it.

But he won’t put it up for Midoriya. Midoriya would never let him, and Todoroki doesn’t want to.

“We’re going to remove the knife now,” a doctor says, leaning in. She’s speaking to Midoriya, but Todoroki hears it clearly through the ringing in his skull. “He’s in shock, and he’s lost too much blood--”

Mom, Endeavor, his siblings- Todoroki saved that girl today, because he was there and because he knew, but when he was growing up, and Natsuo and Fuyumi were growing up, and Touya was growing up, and Mom- Mom...

No one was there.

Midoriya snags up both of Todoroki’s hands. He’s worried--hazy and unable to breathe, Todoroki can still see that much. But the weight of his gaze runs deeper than just fret over an injury. Midoriya understands.

Midoriya is here.

He’s the first person that was ever there for Todoroki in this way.

Todoroki sobs and squeezes his hands. The hospital lights are turning his headache into a migraine, and the suffocation hasn’t helped. The IV is uncomfortable and the unnatural sensation of fluids being pushed into his bloodstream makes his stomach squirm. Midoriya strokes his knuckles, scoots as close as he can get.

He doesn’t say it out loud, but he doesn’t have to for Todoroki to know that he’s there to stay.

When the medics finally move in to remove the knife, he doesn’t hold his breath.

When it’s over, the wound is numbed and stitched and he passes out under the gravity of the IV meds, the exhaustion of his memories and the weight of his pain.

When he wakes up in a hospital room, Midoriya kicks out of his chair and hugs him, tight, and Todoroki tucks his face into Midoriya’s shoulder and sobs until he can breathe again and the world doesn’t feel so big.

~*~*~*~*~*~

#ask meme #anonymous #writing prompt #answered ask #tododeku #tddk #BRUH #this is a little disjointed but I #really want to expound on this and turn it into a proper one-shot actually #maybe when I've tied down some more wips I can work on this more #thank you sm for the prompt!!! <3 #sorry abt the typos/weird pacing i wanted to keep these prompts pretty lowkey #I didn't actually use the specific dialogue but #for tddk's relationship at this point I don't think they'd need words #i love them sm #cloud writes

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legoflowerfruitmountain · 2 years

Text

While it’s the show’s writing which has kept Sha Dali (Sandy) out of the plot, it could be a great writing choice in the sense that Sha Dali is passive and that could lead to problems.

He does help others, but often as a reaction. I don’t mean his avoidance of fighting and stepping up only in defense of others! Working to avoid violence so that he doesn’t become the terrible person again he used to is a valid choice.

What I mean is that Sha Dali rarely if ever does anything proactively and mostly acts as a mediator. Probably because he’s afraid to fall into old patterns, but that is also avoidance rather than dealing with his trauma. He’s afraid to take any risks is my interpretation.

Huntsman was a foil to Sha Dali’s days of violence and rage. It’s implied that like the spider yaoguai, he didn’t care who he hurt during that time as a soldier.

I want to suggest a foil to his passiveness and fear holding him back, and how that can hurt others. As well as somebody who will push Sha Dali’s temper much more effectively than Huntsman without even trying to.

At first that character seems a lot like Sha Dali - relaxed, kind, a good friend. Nothing ruffles them. Only they’re not a good friend. They watch passively as the world gets destroyed around them and shrug their shoulders. “What can you do?” The best word to describe them is apathetic.

They never help others. They use every excuse they can think of to stay away. They maybe have actual reasons. Not that it matters. They only say or do something when it allows them to be left alone to relaxing. Their action or rather their inaction leaves others at risk.

I’m not satisfied with their concept yet. I want them to properly challenge Sha Dali’s convictions and his character.

#lego sha dali #lego sandy #lmk sandy #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lego monkie kid headcanon #monkie kid headcanons #lego monkie kid analysis

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years

Text

If I Fell For You (Part 12) - Not So Sweet Home

Summary: Jensen is fed up with his parents ignoring Y/N all day and when he gets a moment alone, blows up on them like never before. The reader sees how upset Jensen is over what’s happening and does her best to defend him while still trying to salvage a relationship with them...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 6,200ish

Warnings: language, major family angst, mention of a dead parent

A/N: Eek! If you like angst this part is for you! Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

________

It was late, the kids asleep in the guest bedroom, Jensen’s siblings and their families gone home for the evening aside from his brother. He made some half ass excuse about wanting to hang out with Jensen more but you knew he could sense what you did. Jensen was getting close to popping after a whole day of politeness on his part and his parents ignoring you on theirs.

Jensen was bouncing his knee like crazy as he sipped on his beer around a gas fire pit, suddenly stopping when you shifted in your seat.

“Maybe you ought to cool it with the alcohol tonight,” said his dad. Jensen set his empty bottle down on the grass and breathed deeply through his nose. “Your legs been-”

“Y/N, would you get me another beer please?” asked Jensen. You took the opportunity to get out of there, surprised when the back door opened quickly after you, his brother closing it behind him.

“I don’t think your parents like me very much,” you said, going to the fridge and pulling out a drink.

“I know,” he said, glancing out the dark window. “Jensen asked me to make sure you don’t come back out there.”

“He’s gonna go off on them.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m guessing,” he said with a sigh. “I have a feeling this isn’t going to go well. You guys can crash at my place if you want. We don’t have a guest room but we have an air mattress we can put in the family room.”

“You think it’ll be that bad?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

“Then why are we in here talking about this when we should be out there making sure he doesn’t say something he regrets in the morning.”

“You might hear things you can’t unhear,” he said.

“Right now my concern isn’t if my feelings get hurt. He’s really upset and I need him to be okay.”

“You know that’s why the rest of us like you, don’t you? You care about him, the kids. You’re in love with him.”

“Yes I am,” you said as he nodded.

“You call me if either of you ever need anything,” he said, going back to the door. You nodded and took a deep breath, following him outside and already hearing raised voices.

“She’s half your age, Jensen,” said his mom. “She was your nanny. Sweetie you have to know what’s going on here.”

“You’re getting played,” said his father, catching you walking out with Josh.

“She is not half my age. She’s thirty fucking years old! She’s a goddamn adult and been through more shit then both of you put together! She’s not after fucking money,” snapped Jensen who was already out of his seat.

“You’re engaged to the girl after five months!” said his father. “It took you years to propose the first time around!”

“Because I was a nervous kid that was away working constantly. I didn’t want to make Dee stay if it was gonna make her unhappy. I’m not afraid of how I feel anymore because I feel the same about her as I do Dee and I’m not wasting my time so I can stick to your socially acceptable schedule,” said Jensen. “I love her and she’s gonna be part of this family whether you like it or not. Deal with it.”

“You need a prenup,” said his dad.

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do! You’ve known the girl for not even six months!”

“She’s not up to anything!” shouted Jensen.

“Son-”

“Have you ever lost your wife? Have you ever been in the car and almost die yourself while you watch her breathe for the last time? Where she’s hurt and you can’t do a thing to fix it? Have you ever had to tell your children their mother is dead and she’s not coming back? You have no idea, no idea, what that does to you, how much it hurts and how much it hurts when you’re still so fucked up and your parents start making comments behind closed doors about you and you have to pretend you’re better when you’re really not. When you don’t even care about yourself anymore, when you pretend for everyone’s sake so they stop treating you like a child, when you don’t know how to tell your kids it’s okay because it’s not. It’s not. Until you go through that, until you know how bad it hurts, don’t assume a damn thing about her. She’s my best friend and she makes me feel like my old self again. I laugh and smile and have fun and when I get scared or feel guilty or freak out she makes me feel better. I don’t give a fuck how old she is or what her job was. She’s kind and good and she deserves better than you two. Danneel’s parents like her. Jared’s parents like her. Her old foster dad’s family likes her. Our family likes her except for you two. Get your heads out of your asses or you can not even bother letting me know you exist anymore. I’m done with things hurting the women I care about. I couldn’t stop what happened to Dee but I can sure as hell keep Y/N away from the two of you,” said Jensen. He huffed and walked off, Josh running off after him.

“Well congratulations. You got your hooks in him deep, don’t you,” said his father. You rolled your eyes and his mother scoffed.

“You can take care of someone without treating them like a child you know. He’s an incredibly strong person. If you don’t like me fine. But don’t call him stupid or easily manipulated or imply that it’s wrong to know you love someone after only a certain amount of time. I love your son.”

“You love his money,” said his mom.

“I do just fine on my own,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “He’s staying at Josh’s house tonight. We’ll pick up the kids in the morning.”

“He’s overreacting. He’ll be fine in the morning,” said his dad. You crossed your arms and leaned your head back. “He’ll be fine.”

“You two don’t know a thing about me and you assume I want money because of my age and my former career. Don’t assume your son will be fine and get over it.”

“We’ve known him a lot longer than you have. He’ll get over it after a night’s rest.”

“You may have known him longer and I’m sure in some regards you do know him better but not the ones that matter. If you did, you would have seen how much he would have loved for the two of you to like me. I would have taken some respect and been happy because trust me, I get how this looks to everyone else. I understand you have fears and I’m not mad you have them. I’m mad you assume those are facts when all they are is a story you made up in your head you don’t want to change. He’s right, I’m not going anywhere. The difference between him and me though is that I’ll stay out here all damn night with the two of you until you get it through your heads that I’m not here to fuck him over. I love him. I don’t have family, not really. Things have always been screwed up for me pretty much until I met him and he didn’t have to say it for me to know that he was hoping he could share the two of you with me. Maybe I was hoping for that too. But right now I’ll take some goddamn respect and an apology to your son to start and we can go from there.”

“You’re gonna curse at us and expect an apology?” said his mom. “We know you took him when he was at his low and tricked him into trusting you so you could get exactly what you wanted.”

“You know what I want? What I’ve always wanted and somehow always seems to get ripped away? A family. A stupid fucking family. Being a nanny? That let me feel like part of the family. I could pretend I was like all of those people I worked for. Nice and normal and like people gave a shit. Some kindness and a family is all I’ve ever wanted. You two...you wouldn’t have survived a day in my childhood. In my adulthood with the shitty ex boyfriend and the crappy friends and I picked myself over all of them because my mom told me to stand up for myself. Even when she couldn’t be there and I wanted her to. So I stand up for myself and now I stand up for him and those three kids to anyone and I mean anyone, that hurts them. He’s my family and those kids are my family. I don’t know what you think I’m gonna do but I guarantee the only thing I will do is tell you two where to shove it and to leave him the hell alone.”

“Why would we believe anything you say? At all?” his dad asked. “It’s probably the same sad story you told him to get him on the line. I don’t buy it.”

“I have a million dollar book deal. I’ve worked rent free for a lot of rich people since I was eighteen years old. Do I sound like someone who needs his money?” you said. You put your hands on your hips and shook your head. “What is it? You want me to sign a prenup? I would but he doesn’t want one. He trusts me and for a guy that lost his wife and had to work through falling in love with another person, I respect that. He knows what he wants and he’s not wasting time. This is scary for him. It’s scary for me. But when Dee’s parents gave me open arms and kindness and their blessing, the last people I ever expected to disapprove were you two. If you’re going to stand there and keeping calling me a liar, I’m going to find your sons and I’m going take care of Jensen instead of wasting my time here.”

“We don’t disapprove of him moving on and marrying again,” said his mom as you turned to walk away.

“Could have fooled me,” you said.

“He’s going too fast and he doesn’t know you either, not well enough to make a decision like that,” said his dad. You turned around and smiled.

“He knows my favorite color. He knows what my favorite flavor of ice cream is. He knows why I have nightmares and he knows how to make me forget them in the first place. I’m sorry we aren’t doing things on your schedule but it’s his life. He can do whatever the fuck he wants with it, whether that’s me or somebody else. For the record, he knows me just fine. Oh and if this is how you plan on speaking to him again in the morning, I’ll pick up the kids myself.”

“We’re looking out for his best interest,” said his dad.

“No, you think you’re looking at his wallet for him. See money? People think that’s important and it is but best interest? It ain’t that shit,” you said as you started to leave.

“Well what do you assume his best interest is then?” said his mom.

“Treating him like an adult. He is smart and strong and the most emotionally healthy man I’ve ever met which considering all the fucked up shit he’s been through and felt the past year is really saying something. He’s your child but he’s not a child. He found someone he loves and all he wanted to do was share me with you. This was his worst nightmare and I couldn’t stop it. So if you’re not gonna even try with me, then I’m gonna protect him from you.”

“He doesn’t need protecting from us,” he said.

“You call him stupid and that he can’t take care of himself, that he can be fooled and that the person he thinks is his best friend really only wants him for his money. He knows none of those things are true but it’s what you said to him when you said that about me. For a man who went through what he did, it wasn’t mean. It was cruel. I’m gonna go fix what I can of your relationship with him because despite all that, I know you guys love each other and I’m not letting that get fucked up because you think whatever the hell you think about me.”

You stormed off around the house and found Josh’s truck still there but neither man in sight. You looked around and heard a sniffle, your head going up to the roof. You saw the lattice work on the side and climbed up, peeking your head up to spot the two of them sat on the roof.

“Hey,” you said quietly. Jensen wouldn’t look at you, Josh rubbing his back.

“Careful,” he said as you climbed up and slowly walked over. You took a seat on your bottom, spotting the window behind them. “That was my room. Jensen used to sneak out this way. I was always too nervous of getting caught to try myself. You landed the bad boy of the family.”

“Oh yeah, such a bad boy,” you said. You scooted closer on your butt to him, Jensen resting his head on his knees. “Hey. Before you even think about it don’t say you’re sorry.”

“I know,” he said. He took a deep breath but looked up, looking fairly normal aside from a slightly pink nose. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Nobody was,” said Josh. “I’ll give you guys a minute. I’ll be in my car when you’re ready.”

“You should go home,” said Jensen. “Staying in a different house won’t change anything.”

“That was kinda fucked up what they said.” Jensen raised an eyebrow and he shrugged. “I don’t always agree with them. If you guys want to stay, that’s your choice but I’m not going home without telling them what a mistake they’re making.”

“You don’t have to-”

“You’re my little brother and I like her. Even if I didn’t, they’re being assholes and she doesn’t deserve that. You don’t. Alright?”

Jensen nodded and Josh walked off to the lattice and climbed down while you scooted next to Jensen.

“You thought your siblings weren’t gonna like me,” you said.

“He’s a good person. He’s never told off our parents before so...I don’t know if I’m happy about that or not.”

“He’s a good big brother,” you said, wrapping your arms around him. “I don’t love you for your family though. I don’t care if your parents don’t like me. I’ll deal with it.”

“I wish you didn’t have to,” he said.

“I still like your dad so much better than mine,” you said.

“Yours is a monster to be fair.”

“Yeah, he is. Yours love you and I don’t agree with them but in their minds, they’re protecting you and I don’t have a problem with anyone trying to do that.”

“How are you so fucking kind to them after they basically said you’re with their dumbass son because of money?”

“Like you said, I know monsters. I know toxic and bad. They aren’t it. They raised you and I really, really like you. Good people can be stupid and still be good. In the morning we’ll try again.”

“What if I can’t get them to change their minds?” he said quietly.

“Jensen,” you said, moving to squat down in front of him. You grabbed his cheeks and he stared at you. “You don’t have to pick anybody over anybody. Maybe I won’t be close with them but that’s okay. It’s so okay. We’ll respect each other or just won’t talk to each other and we’ll figure it out but we don’t have to do it all tonight.”

“I think what bothers me the most is they’ve already made up their minds about you based on your age when they don’t even realize who you are. They don’t see that this is the kind of person you are, kind and supportive and I heard you not taking their bullshit. You’re a stronger person than I am and I wish they could see that the reason I’m not freaking out over this is cause I know you’re my partner and you got my back like I got yours. I’m just having a hard time understanding why they won’t even listen to us.”

“I don’t know,” you said, eyes darting to the window when you caught some movement inside. You narrowed them and glanced down, spotting the crack between the windowsill and frame. “I’m a little cool. I’m gonna get my sweatshirt if that’s okay.”

“Careful climbing in,” he said, turning on his bottom and pushing the window up. You kissed his cheek and climbed inside, the room empty as far as you could tell. You stepped out to the hall and into his old room, getting your hoodie, his old hoodie. You pulled it on but went downstairs, catching his parents in the kitchen with Josh.

“Josh may I speak to your parents in private,” you said.

“Yeah. I’m done here. I’ll be over for brunch, okay?” he said. He walked past you and caught your arm. “Call me if you need me back.” You nodded and he kissed your temple before he went out.

“Were you eavesdropping on us?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“We went to tell him to get off the roof. We could see him from the backyard up there,” said his mom, putting her back to you as she mixed up something in a mug. “But we heard the three of you talking and then the two of you. We didn’t mean-”

“We are all on the same side. His side. We should get along. It shouldn’t be this difficult and I don’t appreciate private conversations being listened in on. But I hope you understand that you hurt your son. I know you didn’t mean to and it’s the last thing you’d ever want to do to him. But you did. So please try to help me fix this. This isn’t easy for me to accept that you don’t like me either but you’re gonna respect me. If we can respect each other, then he’s not going to worry as much at least. Please promise that we can agree to that,” you said. His parents looked at each other and you sighed. “You have to be kidding me. What do you want me to do? Go away? I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”

“That’s not...Jensen called your father a monster up there,” he said.

“I thought it was a sob story according to you ten minutes ago.”

“You said you don’t have parents. He said your father is alive.”

“What’s your point, Mr. Ackles,” you said. “Please enlighten me.”

“It doesn’t make much sense to tell different stories,” he said.

“You can’t even give me the benefit of the doubt that I love your son. Why the fuck would I tell you things only he knows, things so few people know about. Why would I trust you with the worst parts of my life when you don’t accept the best ones. For your information, my birth mother is dead. My adoptive mother is dead. I wish my son of a bitch father was dead. The only glimmer of a parent I have maybe, maybe was my foster father. That was until last weekend. I met some parents. I met Dee’s. I met Jared’s. I got the same message from all of them. Let us know if you ever need anything. Oh the way he looks at you. You must be pretty special. Anything at all, you give us a call. People that don’t even have an obligation to look in my direction treated me like I was their kid. So maybe he and I both got our hopes up with you two and that was on us. If you want to pick apart what I’ve said and call me a liar…” you said, putting your hands on your hips. Your shut your eyes and breathed deeply, turning around. “I don’t care if you have to pretend to respect me. Just do it for his sake and the kids sakes, alright?”

A tissue appeared over your shoulder and you took it, blowing your nose and stepping away.

“When did your mother’s pass?” you heard behind you. You threw your head back and took a deep breath.

“When I was born and when I was sixteen,” you said, turning around and swallowing. “Why does that matter?”

“When were you adopted?” he asked.

“Why do you care?”

“Please.”

“I was eight,” you said.

“So you only had your mother for eight years then,” he said.

“Yeah. She got sick when I was fourteen. I stayed with her boyfriend until I moved out for my first nanny job at eighteen. It was all very sad and angsty,” you said.

“Who made the first move?”

“I’m done with this interrogation,” you said. You started to leave but he stepped in front of you. “What do you want from me?”

“I just want to know who made the first move, you or Jensen.”

“I don’t…” you trailed off. “We had a fight. I told him I didn’t want him to be my friend anymore, he was just my boss and that was it. We couldn’t hang out at night and stuff anymore.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want him to hurt me,” you said quietly. “I didn’t fit with his life. I’m not a pretty actress. I’m not smart. I’m the younger nanny and that’s all I was gonna be until I became an older nanny and that was supposed to be my life. I didn’t ask for…”

“For what?” asked his mother, carrying over her mug and setting it down on the end table.

“I didn’t ask for him to love me. But he did and I don’t know why but I trusted him not to hurt me. It’s not fairytales and roses all day every day but I like having a best friend and I never would have submitted those books to a publisher without him encouraging me and I need him to feel better. He can’t catch a break lately and I hate seeing him upset. It makes me sick to my stomach and I really, really need him to be okay so please stop doing this. Just stop. Please. I don’t care if we have to pretend the rest of our lives but please, I can’t keep seeing him take hit after hit anymore and not being able to stop it.”

You weren’t expecting the hug from his father or to bury your face in his chest for a brief moment. His mom guided you to sit on the couch, pulling a blanket around you. She handed you the mug and you saw it was hot chocolate, your eyes darting back and forth between them.

“This isn’t about to be like a lifetime movie where you murder me, right?” you said.

“No,” said his mom as she sat next to you. “We hurt you quite deeply today, didn’t we.”

You stared at the mug, holding it in your hands.

“You were looking forward to meeting us,” said his dad as he sat down on your other side.

“It doesn’t matter. All I care about is him.”

“I don’t think he’d be very happy with you laying down for a semblance of normalcy for him,” he said.

“Just spit out whatever the fuck you want,” you said. You gripped the mug and shut your eyes.

“I’d like you to stop swearing please,” he said. “In exchange, maybe we can have a second chance.”

“Second chance at what?” you said dryly.

“At meeting our son’s fiance.” You lifted your head and stared at him, catching a bashful look you saw in Jensen every so often. “We understand, as well as we can, he was hurt after Danneel. We can’t fix those problems like when he would scrape his knees. We knew he was in a vulnerable position and things between the two of you seemed so fast for how in pain he was. We thought of the worst of you before knowing you and that wasn’t right of us. We were trying to protect him. But like you said, we all try to do that. So if you’ll let us, give us a second chance.”

“For him, I will give you both a second chance,” you said. “I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but this sort of thing isn’t going to go away just like that, for him or for me.”

“Is there anything…” said his mom as you shook your head. “We are sorry for before. Truly.”

“I know. Trust is difficult for me on a normal day. You guys kinda tore through the safety nets I thought I had with you. I need to build them up again is all.”

“That was you that said that, people have safety nets,” she said. You raised and eyebrow and she sighed. “Jensen, months back, he told us his therapist told him that, put things in perspective.”

“I guess couple’s are kinda each other’s therapists,” you said. “Sometimes they just need to vent to each other too.”

“Before you said...has he ever been to one?” asked his dad.

“Last weekend was...intense. I went to one as a child and he talked to him for a little while, helped him put things in perspective,” you said.

“Intense? Did you fight?” she asked.

“He and JJ got stung by a scorpion. It was a little serious. We went out the next night and I made a comment and he took it a different way and he got upset thinking I thought of myself as being less in his eyes than Dee was. I know it’s not true, it’s just different. He’s been having a really great week aside from today.”

You took a sip of the hot chocolate and went back for more, drinking half the mug down.

“We screwed up,” said his dad with a sigh, sitting back against the couch.

“Yeah but he’ll forgive you,” you said. “This is really good Mrs. Ackles.”

“Thank you sweetie and call me Donna. I made it for Jensen. He’s always liked it when he was living here and having a bad day.”

“Why do you think he’ll forgive us?” asked his dad as Donna got up.

“Because he’s Jensen. He’s not an angry man. Angry in moments but he doesn’t hold onto anger. I wouldn’t expect anything less from him. So I know he’ll forgive you. When I’m not sure of but it won’t be forever.”

“Have you two ever fought badly?” he asked.

“We’ve had a few fights. Mostly small and when we’re both tired or hungry. We had a big one a few weeks ago when he got home but we talked about why it happened and how to make sure it doesn’t again,” you said. Donna carried over a kettle and poured more hot chocolate in your mug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Don't ask about fights Alan. It’s not our business. We should let them tell us what they want,” she said as she walked back to the kitchen.

“They probably should have had a big fight at least once to know if they can work through those things and it sounds like they have,” he said when he turned to you. “I know you’re probably love struck but marriage? That’s a lifetime of putting in the work.”

“Alan if I didn’t care about putting in the work I wouldn’t be down here right now. I know I don’t know everything I’m signing up for and no one really does but I know him and the kids and that’s worth the parts I have to work at.”

“You sound older than you look.”

“Age doesn’t always equal life experience,” you said.

“I suppose not,” he said. He stood and took a deep breath. “I do apologize for thinking the worst of you and not giving you a fair chance upfront.”

“Thank you,” you said. “I’m going to bring this up and check on him.”

“Can I ask one last thing?” asked his dad. You nodded and he looked over to Donna who gave him a short nod. “Josh said you really love him.”

“I do.”

“Do you think he loves you the same way?”

“I know he does,” you said.

“How are you so sure?”

“How are you so sure your wife loves you?” you said. “Goodnight Alan.”

“Goodnight,” he said, his mom catching up with you in the foyer where the stairs were. You gave her a tired smile and she nodded.

“If I told you something, would you keep it a secret from Jensen?” she asked.

“No,” you said with a smile.

“I had to try,” she said. “We’re not like this by nature. Something happened he doesn’t know about when he was recovering that put us off to you. A woman. A young woman at his physical therapy.”

“What happened?” you asked quietly. She took a seat on a step and you sat beside her. “If someone tried to take advantage of him, you should have told me and him. He thinks you guys have gone nuts, no offense.”

“You’ll find with time you’d rather have your child safe and upset at you than the other way around,” she said.

“What happened?”

“We moved down to the house for a few months to help Jensen. He went to physical therapy. A very good place. A family friend works there and got him in and he regained a lot of strength in his leg quickly because of it. There were nurses that often helped and he worked with a few regularly and they develop a relationship and all that. It’s good for morale and healing we were told. One of these girls was about your age and our family friend overheard her gossiping to a friend on the phone during a lunch break.”

“Gossiping about…” you said. “Jensen?”

“They saw an opportunity to manipulate him. He is smart, smarter than the both of us together, but he was going through the motions that first month. She made him smile a bit. She flirted with him. Our friend told us what she’d said and we realized, he could be hurt again. Taken advantage of for what he has, what he can offer. His sudden shift in mood this year, introducing you as a fiance, made us think we’d failed to protect him this time.”

“Why not tell him that?” you asked.

“And tell him he was being manipulated back then? He’s so adamant that it can’t happen to him but we know different.”

“I think you should tell him, Donna. It makes your reaction today seem not so…” you said, her head shaking.

“Ma,” you both heard. You looked over your shoulders, Jensen sat against the wall at the top of the landing. “Mom. Jerry told me why I got a new nurse when it happened. She was nice, or was pretending to be, I don’t know. But I didn’t like her. I never got manipulated and I was never going to.”

“How long-” you said, Jensen rubbing the back of his neck. “You heard everything.”

“Yup,” he said, popping his p, his dad coming over to the bottom of the stairs and staring up. “I don’t want to talk to either of you right now. Y/N, I’d like to go to bed, please.”

“Accept their apology Jensen. You can hash out the rest of this in the morning but accept that they know they were in the wrong,” you said.

“Why should I?” he asked, cocking his head.

“We both got hurt out of their love for you. They are not monsters and I know the difference,” you said. “You know too.”

“Will you two ever look at me the same again,” said Jensen, staring at the landing.

“Honey it was a fight. It’ll be alright,” said his mom, his head shaking.

“Ever since I woke up in the hospital, you two look at me like I’m a kid. Like I’m weak and defenseless. But I’m not. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and this whole day could have been avoided if you treated me like your adult son, not the kid who fell off his bike and cries over a cut. I needed you two to take over, I did, I honestly did after the accident. I couldn’t take care of myself let alone the kids. But you haven’t stopped thinking I can take care of me again. I can. I do. I know I’m your kid but let me be an adult again. Trust me. Please.”

“Come here,” you said, holding out your hand. He slid down the steps and you stood up and aside, letting him get a hug from his mom and then dad.

“We’re sorry,” said his dad.

“I know,” said Jensen quietly. “Never do something like that again. Ever.”

“We won’t,” he said. You leaned against the wall and sipped on the hot chocolate, Jensen’s nose twitching.

“That’s my cocoa,” he said, turning his head up at you.

“I just Jerry Springer’ed ya’ll. I get the cocoa. Get your own,” you said. He smiled and you gave it right back, his parents pulling off and bringing him to his feet.

“Come here,” said his dad as his mom dragged him off towards the kitchen with the promise of hot chocolate. You stepped down until you were about his height and took a drink, licking your lips when you finished. “How do you just let that go? You were so angry before.”

“I’ve been to therapy. I have good diffusing skills,” you said.

“Is that a joke?”

“Not really,” you said with a smile. “You made a mistake because you love him. I’m gonna make mistakes because I love him. So when I screw up, now you owe me one, deal?”

“I know it’s getting late but would you be willing to stay up a while longer, maybe find out that favorite color?” he asked. You smiled and nodded, stepping down.

“Depends on the day,” said Jensen, stepping out with a mug of his own.

“He’s right,” you said. “You okay to stay up a bit?”

He nodded and walked back to the family room, taking your hand.

“Better?” you whispered to him.

“Yeah. Not all the way but definitely better honey.”

It was warm when you woke up the next morning. You peeled open an eye and caught Jensen laying awake, staring at his ceiling. You kicked off the blankets and he reached an arm out, pulling you to lay on his chest.

“It’s hot in here,” you mumbled, eyes shutting again.

“There’s a box covering the vent,” he said, dancing his fingers lazily over your bare arm. “It’s almost noon.”

“Seriously?” you said into his chest, nuzzling against his soft skin.

“Yeah. Sounds like they’re out back with the kids,” he said. You nodded and felt him move his fingers all over you, soft and light, absentmindedly tracing patterns every so often.

“Still upset?” you asked, his head nodding. “They’re human. They fuck up.”

“Are you angry?”

“I was. Not anymore. I kinda like ‘em actually.”

“Why would you give them a second chance?” he asked.

“When I got adopted I didn’t like, instantly love my mom. I was scared of her at first. I don’t know, I get that you can not like someone at first and then love them unconditionally, you know? It’s weird but your opinions can change once you get to know someone.”

“I don’t do a very good job of protecting you from things,” he said, tilting his head, moving a few hairs behind your ear. You looked up at him, his fingers playing in your hair behind you.

“Honey you went off on your parents last night. I bet you’ve never done that to them. You were trying to protect me and you did. No one has ever protected me the way you do,” you said. “Today is a new day and I’d like to get to know my new family some more.”

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’ll follow your lead.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 13 here!

#supernatural #spn #jensen ackles #jensen ackles au #jensen x reader #jensen series #rpf #rpf series #jensen ackles x reader #spn fanfic #jensen ackles fanfic #supernatural fanfic

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the-witty-pen-name · 4 years

Text

Deadbeat Pt. 1

Lee Bodecker x F!Reader

18+ ONLY

Warnings: age gap (reader is 21), smut/masturbation (implied/mild), cursing, abandonment, infatuation, alcohol, cheating, violence?, mild housewife kink?

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: You work at the bar at the edge of town, the Sheriff is going through a divorce and needs to rent a room.

A/N: I’m terrible at writing summaries and I’m so sorry about that! I don’t think I would consider this a dark!fic, but it does cover a lot of themes, and topics that are darker than I usually write about- but I think that comes with the territory of writing about Lee Bodecker. I’ll make sure to update the warnings for each chapter and do not read if you are underage. I also ignored canon for this one.

There are no tags on this one, because no one has specifically asked to be tagged on smut fics and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable!

I hope you all enjoy!

Tags and Requests are OPEN

“Get out of here Lee,” you spat, pointing to the door he just walked into the bar from. “You swore to Janie you wouldn’t touch a drop.”

“C’mon (y/n),” he said sitting at the bar anyways, a smug grin on his face, making you scoff.

“I ain’t having anything to do with you breaking your promise to that lovely woman,” you say confirming your point. You wipe your hands on the towel that was hanging from your apron.

“Jack and coke?” He asks, looking at you with eyes that would be endearingly puppy dog if it weren’t Lee Bodecker. You shook your head.

“A coke it is,” you say and he gives up trying for now. He regrets telling you on his last visit he’d be swearing off drinking cause Janie finally threatened to throw him out.

You slide a glass bottle of Coca-Cola down the length of the bar to Lee and he grinds his teeth slightly. The sugar was always his temporary fix. You also sent down his way a small bowl of roasted peanuts, feeling bad for the mess of a man.

“She’s gonna leave me anyways,” he grumbles and you shake your head, picking up on his attempts to illicit sympathy to coax you into giving him a drop of anything.

“Stop giving her a reason to Lee,” you point out, gesturing with your hands to emphasize that he was in the same small bar on the edge of town he always wandered into on weeknights. He’d tell Janie he was on duty but he’d really be down in this little box of a building getting drunk as a stunk.

“She’s the one who gone and cheated,” Lee said in an angry tone, not towards you, just at his situation. “That Miller fellow living a few miles down from me. I see his truck parked outside my house plenty of times to know he’s not just being neighborly.”

“I’m sorry Lee,” you say with a genuine tone of sympathy. You felt for him and his pain. You knew the stress of the job he led and the pain of knowing the love of your life don’t love you.

“She’s going to leave me,” he says, staring intently at the condensation on the bottle in front of him. “I’d been trying so hard for her and our marriage and she’s two timing with the neighbor when I’m out working.”

“And the thing is I don’t even care if she cheated,” Lee continued, “I’d look the other way if I knew she’d be staying with me. But it’s cause I know she don’t love me anymore. That’s what’s hurting me most.”

“Maybe y’all can work through this-“

“This was inevitable,” he says, cutting you off. You don’t point it out, cause he’s clearly distressed but normally you’d have no problem saying to Lee ‘Fuck you, let me finish Sheriff.’

“Do you got somebody?” Lee asks you. The question takes you back cause it wasn’t like the Sheriff to ask your about anything personal. He would come in, and you’d shoot the shit, exchange small talk, maybe some harmless flirting for a larger tip, but that was the extent of it.

“No, not anymore,” you say, having recently broke things off with your boyfriend. “I was seeing Arvin Russell for a couple months, but we just broke it off.”

“You’re too good for him anyways,” the sheriff scoffed at the mention of the Russell boy and took another swing from his bottle of pop. “How old are you anyways, sweetheart?”

“Twenty-one,” you respond, not thinking too much about the nickname. He had a habit of frequently using names like that when he talked to the women in this town. You think it started out as a tactic to win re-election and then it just stuck. He nodded.

“Yeah you two are around the same age,” he said, more so thinking out loud than it being a statement directed towards you. “Why’d you break it off?”

“Beat up my brother,” you answered, “Granted, the little shit had it coming. Can’t blame Arvin after I heard how the asshole was bothering that sweet thing Lenora. But he just took it too far. Almost killed the kid. The boy saw red so I got myself out of the picture. You can’t be with a boy who does that to your kin.”

Lee nodded understandingly. You didn’t interpret his actions or questions as genuine concern or interest in you, but that he was just asking you questions to distract from his marital woes.

“I’d do so many things different if I could be your age again,” he chuckled in a self-deprecating tone. “I’d sure as hell love to turn back time and have myself go down a better path.”

“It’s not just you, Sheriff,” you reply after collecting money another man sitting at the bar. You nod as a goodbye to the man, and then curse under your breath when he doesn’t tip you. “Asshole,” you mumble, tossing the few pennies into the tip jar. You walk back over to the sheriff and prop your elbows on the bar. “I’m sure everyone is this town wishes the same thing,” you say, trying to make him feel better.

“I’d love to just be your age again,” he says with a sigh, and then pops a small handful of the peanuts in his mouth. “Young, got your whole life ahead of you.”

“I’m not sure working in a place like this is setting me up for great things, Sheriff,” you chuckle moving to wipe the bar in the area where that other customer left. “A woman working as a bartender is equivalent to just being a whore according to the eyes of the Lord... at least in this town,” you laugh, using the towel from your apron to wipe the rings left behind on the countertop from the glasses.

“Arvin didn’t think so,” Lee countered, trying to make you feel a little better about your position. “I don’t think so. Hell, people in this town are so uptight about things that aren’t their business. You’re young, you need a job and you have one. It’s that simple.”

“I wish more people in this town thought that way,” you reply with a smile. “That new preacher last Sunday-“

“Don’t listen to that asshole,” the Sheriff scoffed, and chuckled when your eyes widened at his derogatory words towards the preacher. “He’s a showboating son of a bitch and he’s as phony as they come.”

“Those ruffled shirts are the most pretentious thing I ever seen,” you say, letting out a big laugh thinking about when he is giving a sermon in what looks like tacky prom attire.

“Pay him no mind,” Lee said, bringing the bottle to his grinning lips as he looked at you. “You’re a better person than he is.”

“I appreciate the sentiment,” you chuckle.

“Have a goodnight hunny,” another customer at the bar says dropping cash on the table as they leave. “Goodnight Sheriff,” the older man tips his hat and then walks out.

“Have a goodnight Marvin,” you call after him, “Give my love to Loretta!” You clear the empty glass and drop the cash off in the register.

While you’re moving around, Lee takes a moment to actually look at you. Any man with eyes knew you were pretty, but he ain’t never noticed before just how attractive you were. His eyes lingered for a moment at how the canvas waist apron extenuated your figure. He couldn’t believe this stunning young thing was stuck in a place like this with a dead end job talking to a deadbeat like him.

“How long you staying for Sheriff?” You ask suddenly, pulling him out of his trance.

“Uh, not sure,” he says, looking up at the dingy Luger Beer clock that hung on the wall. “Why sugar?”

“Seeing as though your sober I was hoping I could trouble you for a ride home?” You ask shyly.

“Of course,” he said without hesitation. “No trouble at all honey.”

“Thank you, Lee,” you say with a smile, making his heart skip a beat.

He’d talk to you most weeknights and never had this feeling. Maybe he had but he was too wrapped up in his own troubles to notice it. You were such a sweet girl, and he realized what an injustice it truly was for you to be stuck here.

The thought crossed his mind very quickly about if he wasn’t married- even though he knew divorce was coming around the corner any day now. If he had met you at a different time in his life if it would’ve been better. Instead of meeting you as an overweight, deadbeat of a sheriff which a drinking problem- he’d met you when he was fresh out of school, same age you are now. You all coulda fallen in love, started a family, and that would’ve been enough to keep him from taking up drinking in the first place.

He knew from the beginning Janie ain’t ever loved him. Hell, he’s not sure if he ever loved her thinking back on the whole relationship. Lustful, without any sort of promise behind it and they both were users. They used each other. He knew he treated her poorly as poorly as she treated him. He definitely had loved her, that much he knew was true, but now she’s cheating- something Lee never thought of doing at all no matter how many fights they had until the early morning hours.

As you maneuvered around behind the bar, locking up the liquor and wiping down the machines getting ready to lock up for the night, his mind played little tricks on him. The canvas apron was instead a pinafore, and the bar was his kitchen. He’d loved the sight, thinking about coming home to you instead of what was soon to just be an empty house.

Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he’d even be the one to keep his house. The idea of finding a new house- buying one for you, and being able to start over sounded like a dream life. Hell, he’d run away from this town right now if you said the word. He’s sure he could secure an election in another town, he had the connections to make it happen.

“I just got to lock up the office and I’ll be ready to go,” you say, untying your apron. He gulps and nods as confirmation. You disappear in the back room, cash drawer in your arms to lock away in the safe. He heads behind the bar to dispose of his empty bottle and the cardboard tray his peanuts were in.

You come back, your peacoat buttoned and the sash tied around your waist in a bow you had made. You had a small handbag in one hand, and your work apron in the other. Suddenly, he was nervous and didn’t know how to carry himself around you. Undeniably, the Sheriff was developing a crush. He couldn’t shake the feeling. He wanted to ask you out on a proper date, but he knew with his age and reputation- it wouldn’t be fitting. He was moving way too fast in his own mind to keep up with. Just daydreams, he thought to himself, suppressing the thoughts of a future with you for now.

“Okay,” you said, giving the place one more once over to make sure it was all set. “That does it.”

“After you,” he said, holding the door open for you. You giggled, and once you both were outside, you used your key to lock the front door. He held the door open for you to take the passenger seat in the cruiser. As you buckled your seatbelt, he walked over to the driver’s side and then slide into his seat.

You were a little nervous. You weren’t sure why. This wasn’t the first time you’d asked for a ride home. Usually, it’s never this late. When you close, you usually walk home alone. You definitely didn’t live that far, but again that was more dangerous than getting a ride home.

You realized that you were worried about nothing. You thought maybe some would accuse you of something scandalous, getting a ride home from a man so late. However, this was the Sheriff and the streets didn’t have another car on it at all. The town knew where you worked and if anyone were to see you, they’d know you were closing shift and you asked for a ride to avoid walking home this late alone.

“Thank you again,” you said, starting up a conversation as the sheriff was backing out of the tiny lot that was next to the bar.

“Oh, don’t mention it, hun,” he said, “It’s my job to make sure you get home safe. Your house is the white one at the end of Birch?”

“The very one,” you say, looking out the window. There aren’t any street lights, and the only light for miles is coming from the headlights of the cruiser. You don’t catch Lee stealing glances at you as he starts moving forward.

“How’s your ma doing?” He asks, making conversation.

“Oh, she left,” you said nonchalantly, and it makes Lee’s eyebrow raise in confusion.

“Wait. What?” He asks looking over at you for a second before turning his eyes back to the road.

“Oh, I thought you would’ve heard,” you say softly, your façade of indifference torn down. “She left us about a month ago. Met a man from Columbus and moved in with him. The whole town was talking about it for weeks.”

“So, is it just you and Tommy now?” he asks, wondering what kind of a mother leaves her girl to take care of her high school aged brother on what she makes at the bar.

“Oh, he went with her,” you explain, “House is all mine. After the whole thing with Arvin, she decided to pull him out of school and he goes to school in Columbus now. She wasn’t gonna bring him but after that, she changed her mind.”

“They just left you?”

“I chose to stay.”

“No offense but why would the hell would you chose to do that?” he jokes, making you laugh a little.

“It’s all paid off, and my grandpa left it to me and not her anyways,” you explain. “House has been in my name for three years now. And if we sold the house, she’d just piss the money away. Besides, would you move back in your mother now, Sheriff?”

“No, I can’t say I would want to,” he chuckles.

“So, I’m just supporting myself and that ain’t too bad,” you shrug.

“Sounds lonely,” he comments and you nod in agreement.

“It can be,” you admit, as he turns down your street.

“You ain’t worried living alone?” He asks.

“You tell me, Sheriff,” you joke, “If I got something to worry about it sounds like you’re not doing your job.”

“Ouch,” he says and holds a hand clutching his hand to his heart dramatically. It made you laugh, and it made him smile that he made you laugh. God, he loved your laugh.

“Thank you again, Lee,” you say sincerely, quickly kissing his cheek when he parks in front of your house. The gesture takes him back, and he’s relieved you can’t see how red his face is. He’s almost angry at how flustered you make him and you have no idea. “Have a goodnight,” you say.

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” he says, a little shakily. You get out of the car, and he watches you walk up to the porch, your hips swaying naturally, and he bites his lip. He groans, but at his disappointment in himself for staring again. You disappear behind the front door and he hits his palm on the steering wheel, trying to shake whatever feeling this was.

He reluctantly drove home, not wanting to have to talk or see Janie. He knew he was just heading home to a fight for being out so late, even though he knows she takes full advantage having fucking Miller over. His jaw is locked, angry about a fight he hasn’t even had with her yet. His cheek still tingles from your touch, and he thinks about if he should just leave Janie. He could just leave, get an apartment nearby or something. He doesn’t even care if she gets the damn house. He’s bracing himself for another night of fighting as he pulls into his own driveway and heading up to his own house.

He fumbles with his keys in the dark. He thinks he had the right one, but it doesn’t work. He tries another that is the same shape, still doesn’t work. He intakes a sharp breath and tries the first key again- he’s positive that’s his house key. “Fucking Christ,” he mutters when the key won’t even go into the lock. “Janie!” he shouts, pounding on the front door. She changed the locks.

“Fuck,” he exclaims, stomping down the front steps and walking around to the back door. He tries his keys again with no luck. He pounds into the door hard and incredibly loud. He knows she’s there, upstairs in their bed, ignoring his knocks. He tries the kitchen window, but it’s locked. Every window on the first floor is fucking locked. He curses again and heads back to his cruiser. He slams the door shut and his grip on the wheel is turning his knuckles white. Does she expect him to sleep in his car in the driveway?

He doesn’t even think about where he’s going to go, but he knows damn sure he’s not going to give her the satisfaction of sleeping outside of his house in his cop car for the whole town to talk about. He just pulls out of his driveway and starts driving. He isn’t even thinking about what route he’s driving, it’s like he’s driving on autopilot while he screams out every curse word in existence.

By the time he calms down, he realizes he’s driving down Birch again. His muscles in his body tense, and he thinks back to your conversation when he dropped you off. Your mother and brother were gone, meaning you have two spare bedrooms. He knows he shouldn’t but the temptation is way too overwhelming. He has nowhere else to go. If someone saw his car… well, he’d worry about that tomorrow. Your house is two miles away from your nearest neighbor, settled back at the end of a long dirt road. Someone knowing he was there was unlikely. He had people who could save your name. It was all innocent. Janie kicked him out and he knew you had an extra room. Hell, he’d rent a room from you- Wait. That’s perfect. That solved all of his problems and yours. He knows you were downplaying how hard it must be to keep up with the house and by him paying rent, you could take care of the house. It was a win-win.

He felt so confident now and he was so proud of himself for devising this plan. He parked his car out front and then walked up to your front door, knocking gently. The sound of the knock made him now incredibly nervous. He didn’t want to scare you or for you to think he was trying to take advantage. Granted, there would be a lot more than financial benefits to being able to live with you, which he knew were selfish, but the idea of being able to see you everyday was overwhelming. It was the closest thing to the dream he was wrapped up in back at the bar. He could live out his little pretend domestic bliss, and you’d get the money you need for the house. He knew he was insane and this was probably wildly inappropriate, but he knew you were too kind to turn him away.

You opened the door with a small yawn, a yellow bathrobe secured over your nightgown fully, to keep yourself decent when you answered the door. You were going to call the Sheriff when you heard the rapping at your door so late and ignore the knocks, but looking out the window of your bedroom you saw it was Lee’s cruiser parked outside.

“Lee?” you ask quietly, sleepiness very evident on your mumbled voice.

“Janie kicked me out,” he said softly, “Changed the locks on me. Darling, I’m so sorry for intruding but I have no where else to go.”

“Come in,” you say sympathetically, the news waking you up quite a bit. “Lee, I’m so sorry. You can take my mom’s old room; it’s got an attached bathroom you can use too.”

“Thank you (Y/N),” he says quietly. You close the door and secure the lock and the chain again as he looks around the house.

“Don’t worry about it,” you insist. “I can take you there. Follow me.”

You walk up the stairs, Lee following closely behind and he’s ashamed that he took the opportunity to just openly check you out again. At the top of the stairs there was a hallway lined with photographs in mismatched frames. You point to the door at the end of the hall.

“That’s the master,” you explain, “There’s a bathroom attached inside if you want to clean up or anything. There’re clothes in the dresser if you want pajamas- should be in the bottom drawer.”

“Okay, thank you,” he replies, looking down at you as you yawn again, and he notices how your hair is a little messy. The sight drives him wild.

“Anything in the kitchen is up for the taking to,” you offer.

“Look, (Y/N),” he says, “I know this isn’t the best time to be talking about this, but I really need a more permanent plan on where to go. I know it sounds crazy and out of the blue, but could I rent that room from you? Name your price. I figured… I really need a new place, and you could probably use another source of income to keep up with the house. Plus, it’s safer than living alone…”

“Um…,” you begin to speak, but you bit your lip, showing that you’re intently thinking about his offer. Everything he said was right. You needed the money, and he was right that living alone was dangerous in this town and living with the sheriff is the safest person there was in the whole town. People would talk, of course, but no one would deny that the circumstances were just ideal for the two of you and nothing more. You were an adult, a homeowner, and it was your business who you rented a room too. “Yeah, I think that makes sense for both of us,” you agree. “We’ll sort out the details tomorrow.”

“Of course,” he says with a smile.

“Alright, um,” you say crossing your arms around your chest awkwardly. “Goodnight, Lee.”

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” Lee responds as you head back into your own bedroom. He let’s out a heavy sigh and heads into your mom’s room- or rather his new room. He’d have to figure out how to get his stuff back from Janie tomorrow. He’d really just need his clothes and some other necessities.

The room was fairly spacious. There was a closet and dresser. The closet still had some clothes of your mom’s left behind, and for the most part, the room looked fairly intact. It was like she up and left with just a few things. Lee shook his head, angry at how poorly you were treated by your mother. He pulls off his leather jacket, tossing it and his hat onto the bed. He opened up the bottom drawer of the dresser, and just like you said, it was filled with men’s clothing. He concluded they had to belong to the man your mom lived with now, more things just left behind.

He tosses a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt onto the bed, and then he heads to the bathroom.

In the drawer beside the sink, he finds a new toothbrush still in its packaging, that he opens for himself and drops it in the white toothbrush holder on the counter. The towels are all clean and folded neatly on the shelf above the toilet. He finds a new soap under the sink as well, and decided he needed a shower to just wash off everything of tonight off in hopes he’ll feel better.

He strips of his uniform, folding it nicely knowing he’ll need to wear it all again tomorrow morning. He steps into the shower and turns on the water. The hot water just immediately helps him to loosen the muscles that had been so tense. He lets the warm water run down his face and back, just letting himself enjoy the feeling. He lathers up his body with soap and then it finally hits him that he was here, living with you, and then suddenly he’s hard.

“Fuck,” he mutters, resting his head against the shower wall, the running down his back. He was in so much trouble he realizes. As he beats himself off in the shower, his mind is clouded with thoughts of you. The way the apron at the bar looked around your hips, and the smell of your perfume when you leaned into him. The way your body looked as you paraded yourself around behind the bar. The way you have no problem talking back to him when he walks into the bar after saying he’s off the bottle the night before, just making want to shut you up with a rough kiss. The feeling of your lips on his cheek and he imagines your lips on his neck. He thinks about how your hair looked tousled when you just showed him to his room. He lets himself slip back into that same domestic daydream. You being his wife… married to you instead dealing with this goddamn divorce. The absolute sickening sweet domesticity making him groan, as he imagines his hand is yours. Why on earth did he think he’d be able to do this?

PART TWO

#lee bodecker #the devil all the time #lee bodecker imagine #lee bodecker fic #lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker x you #lee bodecker x y/n #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader #lee bodecker smut #sebastian stan one shot #sebastian stan characters #lee bodecker x reader smut #angst #smut

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emily-smx · 3 years

Text

Lies of Omission

I know that this scene has been discussed hundreds of times already, and there are probably posts out there that are very similar to this one. However, I saw this being brought up again on Instagram, and I feel the need to say my bit about it.

The question brought up over and over again is “Why did Scott believe Theo over Stiles?”.

He didn’t.

In the entire scene, there’s never once the question of whose story he should believe – as far as the boys are concerned, there is only one story. That’s what causes the miscommunication.

I also noticed something else while watching the scene: nothing that Stiles said actually contradicted Theo’s story.

To go into more depth, I’m going to go through each bit of the dialogue and explain what’s basically being said from each character’s point of view.

[Scott holds out the bloody wrench]

Stiles: Where did you get that?

Scott: This is yours? Why didn't you tell me?

Stiles: I was going to...

Scott: No, but why didn't you tell me when it happened?

Stiles: I couldn't.

So far, it’s pretty straightforward.

Scott shows Stiles the wrench, who immediately reacts in a guilty manner. It’s important to note that Scott’s “This is yours?” holds quite a bit of surprise in it, so he clearly hadn’t already made up his mind about what happened.

Stiles takes the wrench and looks at it, while Scott asks him “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I know that, to some people, his question implies that he’s already leapt to a conclusion about what happened, but this isn’t necessarily the case. He hasn’t specified what it is he believes Stiles has done; all this shows is that he knows something big has happened.

Stiles’ response sounds incredibly guilty, and he struggles to look Scott in the eye. It’s clear at this point that he’s done something bad.

Scott: You killed him? You killed Donovan?

Stiles: Well, he was going to kill my dad. Huh? Was I supposed to just let him?

Scott: You weren't supposed to do this. None of us are.

This is where it starts to get more confusing.

Scott asks whether Stiles killed Donovan, and again the surprise and disbelief in his voice shows that he hadn’t already made up his mind prior to this conversation.

Stiles responds by telling him “he was going to kill my dad [...] was I supposed to just let him?” (i.e. “I killed Donovan because he was going to kill my dad”).

The worst thing about this is that it essentially confirms what Theo was saying. Theo said “maybe it was because he threatened to kill his dad”.

It also implies to Scott that this was not self-defense, because Stiles’ dad wasn’t there. Instead, it tells Scott that Stiles chose to kill Donovan because he couldn’t risk Donovan hurting his father.

Also, Stiles is asking Scott “Was I supposed to just let him [kill my father]?” (i.e. “was I supposed to let him go free and risk him killing my father?”)

If Stiles had explained how much he regretted it, Scott (despite still not knowing the whole story) would likely have reacted differently. Instead, it sounds to Scott as though Stiles has done something terrible and is now defending it.

Hence, he replies by essentially saying that no, his response was not justified. “You weren't supposed to do this.”

Stiles: You think I had a choice?

Scott: There's always a choice.

This is where it’s important to look at the different viewpoints. Scott is still under the impression that Stiles killed Donovan to protect his father. So, from his point of view, Stiles did have a choice.

Stiles: Yeah, well, I can't do what you can, Scott. I know you wouldn't have done it. You probably would have just figured something out, right?

Scott: I'd try.

Stiles: Yeah, because you're Scott McCall! You're the True Alpha! Guess what? All of us can't be True Alphas! Some of us have to make mistakes. Some of us have to get our hands a little bloody sometimes. Some of us are human!

Once again, it’s clear that they’re talking about completely different things.

Stiles is talking about what he can do physically. He’s saying that he couldn’t easily fight off Donovan the way that Scott could have. He’s saying that Scott could have found a solution that didn’t end in one of them dying.

But Scott still doesn’t know that. He still thinks that Stiles killed Donovan by using disproportionate force, because he was scared that if Donovan survived then he’d harm his father. From his point of view, Stiles is saying that murder was the only option, and he couldn’t figure something else out.

So he responds by essentially saying that yes, he would try and figure out another solution to protect his father and also not kill Donovan.

It’s an entirely reasonable response, but obviously from Stiles’ point of view, Scott is being very unfair here. This, along with the fact that he’s being crushed under guilt and stress and anger, causes him to lash out.

Scott: So you had to kill him?

Stiles: Scott, he was going to kill my dad!

Scott: But the way that it happened... There's a point when it's... It's not self-defense anymore!

Stiles: What are you even talking about? I didn't have a choice, Scott!

Scott, to his credit, doesn’t get angry, and instead gets back to the main point. He’s clearly very desperate at this point, desperate for there to be something he’s missed.

So he asks whether Stiles had to kill him – note that this isn’t simply if Stiles killed Donovan, it’s more about whether it was the only choice. Keep in mind, that Scott cares a lot about Stiles. He doesn’t want to fall out with him.

Unfortunately, Stiles’ response only emphasised what he’d previously claimed, making it sound like that was his only reason.

This is where both characters should have paid more attention to each other’s words. Scott’s comment about “the way that it happened” should have driven Stiles to questioning what he thought had happened; and Stiles’ confusion should have again made Scott question whether he had the story right.

However, they’re both upset and stressed, and so it’s understandable that at this point they aren’t thinking clearly and rationally.

Stiles: You don't even believe me, do you?

Scott: I want to.

Stiles: Okay. All right, so... So, believe me, then. Scott, say you believe me. Say it. Say you believe me.

[Stiles steps forward brandishing the wrench and Scott flinches]

Scott: Stiles, we can't kill people that we're trying to save.

Stiles: Say you believe me!

Scott: We can't kill people. Do you believe that?

This is where everybody hates Scott, but again it’s taking everything out of context.

When Stiles says “believe me”, he means “believe me that there was no choice, I was about die and it was an accident”, but Scott hears “believe me that my only choice was to kill Donovan to protect my dad”.

Scott wants to believe that Stiles’ actions were necessary, but he knows that killing somebody to prevent the possibility of something else from happening in the future is not justified (especially when there are other ways they could have protected his dad).

Also, Theo was cunning and he told Scott “maybe Stiles thought he had to keep going to defend himself” – which feeds into Scott’s belief that Stiles might have thought it was his only choice, despite this not being the case.

I also want to point out that Scott flinching is likely due to the trauma of Void Stiles. In Letharia Vulpina (3x19), by the animal clinic in the pouring rain, Void Stiles tortured Scott. The similarities of the situation likely caused him to flinch (and then there’s obviously the fact that flinching when somebody steps forward with a weapon is a completely natural response, even without all the trauma).

Stiles: Well, what do I do about this? What do you want me to do? Okay, just be... Scott, just tell me how to fix this, all right? Please, just tell me-- what do you want me to do?

Scott: Don't worry about Malia or Lydia. We'll find them. Maybe... Maybe you should talk to your dad.

This is when Stiles essentially gives up. From his point of view, he’s tried defending himself, but Scott is still condemning him; he’s being blamed for something that was in no way his fault.

Instead of lashing out again, he accepts that he was at fault (although he wasn’t – it was his guilt that was persuading him that he was in the wrong), and begs Scott to tell him how he can fix his mistake.

Scott, who is also very overwhelmed, suggests he talk to his dad, who will be able to fix it and sort everything out.

I know some people equate this to Scott kicking Stiles out of the pack, but I really don’t think it is.

Scott saying “Don't worry about Malia or Lydia” is not him forbidding Stiles from speaking to them. It’s simply a callback to the beginning of the conversation, when Stiles informed Scott that he’d been unable to get in touch with Malia or Lydia.

And yes, he dismisses Stiles, but that’s because so many other things are going on. Hayden is directly behind them, dying in the animal clinic. Scott needs to go and help her, and Stiles being there will probably just increase the tension and make things more difficult.

In Conclusion:

It was a miscommunication. Scott and Stiles both thought they were talking about the same thing, which led to them not understanding what the other was trying to say.

Scott did not come into the argument already believing Stiles was guilty. His reaction to Theo’s story was, literally, “that’s not possible”. It was Stiles’ accidental confirmation of Theo’s story that led Scott to believe it was true.

“believe me” does not mean “believe my story”, because to their knowledge there was only one story.

Scott did not kick Stiles out of the pack.

I firmly believe that the only mistake either character made (beyond hiding the whole secret in the first place) is not pushing further to make sure they were both talking about the same thing. Scott should have asked for Stiles’ full story of the events, and Stiles should have explained what happened when he had the chance. It can, however, be put down to their mindsets at the time: Theo chose a good time to tell Scott, when both of them were already overwhelmed with all the events going on.

#teen wolf #scott mccall #stiles stilinski #sciles #scott mccall defense squad #tw 5x09 #teen wolf meta #long post

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